#and i went to a clinic bc i didnt know what it was

[roachemoji]

.

[dorkicon]

bitching abt my job again

tags contain frank mentions of transphobia and homophobia

[whatyoutaughtwasfear]

Begging Shadows of doubt to change the name of the case "Corpo Killer" bc that is the only reason i figured it out

[earlyspringtranscendence]

testosterone potion of make you feel good

[diorsluv]

feather , part 13

“ i finally cut you off ”

series m. list previous chapter next chapter

( socialmedia!au )

yourusername

liked by _quinnhughes, edwards.73, jackhughes, and 96,892 others

yourusername rowdy and huggy bear were surprisingly comfortable but they kept interrupting my criminal minds marathon 😔

tagged: mackie.samo, dylanduke25, jackhughes, _quinnhughes, lhughes_06, edwards.73, markestapa

view all comments

username81 i can’t believe mackie let her give him a makeover

→ yourusername i can’t believe it either

jackhughes i don’t see what you see in spencer reid but ok

→ yourusername you’re clinically insane. go get some help.

→ _quinnhughes i don’t see it either

→ lhughes_06 me neither

→ yourusername i’m calling your mom and telling her that you’ve all gone crazy.

markestapa that snow was FREEZING but attacking you with that pillow really made it all worth it

→ yourusername this is harassment and i feel targeted ☹️☹️

→ markestapa really? good 😊

username53 THE SHOPPING CARTS IN A PARKING GARAGE?? the math ain’t mathing

mackie.samo honestly that makeover felt kinda replenishing

→ yourusername funny that ur using that word when u threw my REPLENISHING face mask in the trash after 5 minutes

jamie.drysdale how did she manage to convince you all to make those mini heart shaped pizzas

→ lhughes_06 uhh see the thing is..

→ edwards.73 about that 😥

→ markestapa wellllll

→ _quinnhughes they’re idiots

→ jackhughes yeah um that’s the thing!

→ mackie.samo so…………

→ dylanduke25 she uh… she didn’t

→ rutgermcgroarty oh my god you all turned soft for her

→ yourusername oh shut up they were always like that they just stopped pretending 🙄

lhughes_06 you kept complaining when jack and quinn piled on top of you

→ yourusername BC THEY KEPT MOVING and 350 lbs of weight on your back isn’t ideal

→ edwards.73 just like how you kept complaining when benedict came into the picture? lhughes_06

→ lhughes_06 what no idk what ur talking abt shut up

→ yourusername ?????

username75 did ethan just expose luke 😭😭

→ username64 it’s not like we didn’t know anyway

bookerburke_ aw we should make mini pizzas when you get back ☺️☺️

→ yourusername ofc mwah 🥰

yourusername

liked by dylanduke25, _alexturcotte, luca.fantilli, and 79,992 others

yourusername gingerbread house contest went.. um.. let’s just say there was an obvious but not crowned (😒) winning team! and then we baked desserts bc these competitive dummies couldn’t stand to lose against me n dyl 🤗🤗

view all comments

mackie.samo u literally didnt win

→ yourusername u literally didnt finish ur house

dylanduke25 our team clearly won

→ yourusername ofc ofc

markestapa my team did a better job

→ yourusername ethan kept licking the frosting and mackie spilled the candy all over the counter…

→ edwards.73 and we still did a better job 🥱

username56 the gingerbread houses are so chaotic lmaooooo

username98 THE SANTA COOKIES AWWWW

username49 i can smell the diabetes coming from this post

jackhughes i like to think our house didn’t turn out that bad

→ lhughes_06 fr we did good

→ yourusername only because quinn was yelling at you the whole time

→ _quinnhughes i wasn’t yelling i was just loudly guiding them

colecaufield save some cookies for me

→ yourusername by the time you get them they’ll have gone bad 😭😭

username48 they’re all so competitive it’s so funny

rutgermcgroarty “how many heart shaped desserts can you make in one week” challenge go!

→ yourusername shut up there’s nothing wrong with liking heart shaped desserts ☹️

→ rutgermcgroarty it’s become an unhealthy addiction

_alexturcotte i personally believe the last gingerbread house is the best one

→ mackie.samo EXACTLYYY

→ edwards.73 OBVIOUSLY

→ markestapa YES THANK YOU

→ yourusername you all need help

username71 HOW ARE YOUR SNOWMEN DESIGNS SO NEAT

next chapter notes ) i’m not kidding when i tell you it took me forever to make this BUT I HOPE EVERYONE STILL LIKES IT

tags: @aliaology @hockeyboysarehot

[ikeasharksss]

here's the thing. i think will in mortal aus would be a good doctor. a solid, in character choice. but canon will? hm. that's a bit more complicated

none of the demigods we meet in the rrverse are, like, Thrilled about their godly parent's guardianship. like percy isn't a marine biology freak who spends every summer at the beach before he realizes he's the son of poseidon. & even after he realizes, he's never like "oh my GODS i have such a PASSION for CONEY ISLAND!!!!" we don't see that in anyone else either: piper doesn't care for beauty much before & after she is claimed, nico didnt show any hades traits before bianca died & he goes rogue, and frank was actually afraid of showing aggression (around others at least) before he was claimed if i remember son right. the only exception i can think of is leo bc he worked in his mom's garage as a kid. but even then, he isn't a mechanic bc of his dad, he's a mechanic bc of his mom. (we don't know how academic-oriented annabeth was before she came to chb. it's possible that, bc she came so young, she formed her childhood personality around athena, since she had nothing else to hold on to.) so, therefore, i don't think demigods are enthusiastic about their godly parent's guardianship specifically bc of their godly parent. i don't think will would be enthusiastic about being a doctor just bc of apollo.

being a healer at a summer camp & being a field medic in a monster war is very different from being a doctor in a clinic, hospital, or private practice. the type of illnesses, injuries, & disorders a doctor sees in the field would be very different from what will sees in his healer career. we don't actually see much of the healing process in the books outside of ambrosia & nectar, but it's obvious that will would never use them if he became a real doctor. i don't think his healing skills would translate into doctor skills.

additionally, ive seen a lot of ppl in the fandom point out that will would have to relearn all his medical knowledge if he went to med school. that's true! add in his adhd & i don't think will would be to happy to sit through 7(?) years of school learning things he either A) already knows or B) would never use bc he has healing powers.

sure, i think will would CONSIDER becoming a doctor. it makes sense! that's the only life he's ever known! but i think he'd go get a bachelor's in biology & realize after like 3 semesters that it sucks.

"but tumblr user ikeasharksss!" i hear you say. "what profession would will go into if he isn't a doctor!!!!" oh don't worry. Don't Worry. he'd go into pharmaceutical sciences.

hear me out! ive already said we don't know much about healing outside of ambrosia & nectar. & those are basically just the demigod equivalent of mortal medications. will already works so closely w/ them, so it'd make sense for him to be interested in creating an alternative that is safe for mortals. in pharmaceutical science, will could research & make mortal medicine!! it would scratch his innate need to help ppl while also engaging his mortal side!!!!!

thanks baes

[junior-april]

more eren hcs pls! where his mom teases him ab the reader and he begged carla to stop bcs of his embarrassment

poor eren lol carla always teases him ab his ears turning red too

I literally am getting so lazy im not built strong enough to write one shots consistenly im so sorry (to whoever requested things before this one IM STILL WORKING ON THEM I SWEAR!!!) im so sorry for skipping the line and writing these hc instead😭😭😭

I love u aswell i love the dynamic of eren, carla and reader its so cute thankyou sm for requesting omg

Bf!eren headcanons

More headcanons/masterlist

Carla edition

- if carla arrives home after eren she’ll always ask why ur not over before even saying hi to him😭

- whenever eren is annoying to u (as always) she smacks him aggressively

- carlas always buying random things for u at the store which eren gets pissed about ‘she didnt even ask me if i wanted one she just said to give it to u’

- she likes to take facebook pictures promoting u and eren as a couple (shes ur biggest supporter frl💀) the pictures are always unfortunate angles tho but its the thought that counts😋

- while u guys were still getting to know each other,, eren 100% went to carla and armin for advice after jean i feel liek carla and armin are a cute little support duo for eren😭 he realises what bullshit jean gave him once he acc listens to them two tho

- ever since eren asked carla for advice tho she doesn’t let it drop and tugs at his ear to make fun of him when he denies things abt u

“Hows ur girlfriend?” His face and ears just heat up as he gets embarrassed “i said to stop calling her that shes not my gf yet”

- when u were meeting her for the first time she defo made it her mission to embarrass the fuck out of eren

- shes defo the type to embarrass him with personal medical stuff like start saying “eren did u remember your bowel medication?” “How is the ointment for your warts working?”

- u always leave eren half the time to help her make dinner and its ur main bonding time bc shes so cutie

- whenever u force eren to help with dinner she gets mad when he cant cut the vegetables properly or is forgetting to mix the pot or whatever she gets pissed smacking his head and gives up asking if you can do it instead

- shes always smacking him poor guy😭 everytime he does get smacked he gets overdramatic and start saying he thinks he just got a concussion or smt💀

- she makes it a point to tell u to make sure that eren doesnt bring down ur grades LMAO even if eren is smart academically she will still do so

- eren doesn’t mind being touchy w u even if his parents are around idk im too lazy now to think of more carla ones 😁🙌🙌

i cant stop thinking abt him tho help its so bad im going clinically insane

- as much as carla is a bit of a bully to eren she defo aggressively loves him,, like she aggressively pinches his cheek when he was a kid whenever he got some sort of achievement

-like the only reason eren is able to be sheepishly proud at stuff hes a bad at is bc carla was such a ‘OMG WELL DONE MY SWEET SWEET EREN😁😁😁😄’ mother when he got a singular gold star or smt😭😭

- as eren got older tho he started getting embarrassed abt how she was so proud of the smallest things (hes rude carlas lovely)

MY MIND IS BLANKING as much as i have eren brainrot i cant think of more😓😓

My requests r open for anything u can ask me any specific headcanons for eren or any character aswell!! Tysm for reading 🫶🫶

[penumbrialhexandroga]

I put this in a discord chat im in but i wanted to put it here too. Today i got diagnosed by my therapist with c-ptsd.

Hhhh today is a day of surthriving. Had therapy this morning and was rough, but i was able to communicate some of my frustrations well. Got some clarification on stuff. Like he said forget about any of the schizophrenia stuff, i dont have it, so thats a relief. He said for a clinical dx i do have CPTSD. And that my episode that id had before when i started seeing him was a dissocaitive episode. So it was nice to get clarification on that i was thinking it was like a psychotic or manic or something but dissociative makes sense with what all went on. Ugh gah but then talked with a real young part and stuff coming up and just ugh fuck i hate. People. Just very heavy. Having things validated. But im so grateful for the coping mechanisms ive developed. Hhhhhhh fuck its just hard. Heavy heavy heavy. Just trying so hard to keep every thing contained so i can get through work. Thank god for Work Mode 🙏. Id been dxed with ptsd already but i did suspect it was cptsd but man having that validated by a therapist ugh i just feel like ive been taking punches and punching brick walls >.< idk i just wanted to express this all somewhere. "Put it out there"

Thats what i put in the chat earlier.

Idk i wanted to write about it i guess. He was saying too how like a diagnosis yknow its fluid it can change. Which im fully on board with i know it can only really be a snapshot of your current whatever experiences. But one thing i really appreciate about getting that dx and that validation and assurance is that it supplies me the language to tell my story. I realized that that was one issue that i had with how generally non-pathologizing my therapist is. Its also something i appreciate about him though, but i just felt like i couldnt really. Like not even tell my story but know my story. I felt lost and confused and uncertain about what my experience was and how i fit in with the world and people around me.

Who really am i? What defines me as an individual? It helps me answer these questions more fully. Not to say my diagnoses are all that i am or can capture the complexity of me as a being.

Its incredibly validating to do this work. I feel alive and autonomous in a way i never really have before. Some of the parts i work with are so so young. If i wasnt doing this work with a therapist i dont think i would really be able to do it. So im very grateful for my circumstances that allow me that. Although i can tell my therapist wants to do more frequent sessions, but it is expensive and insurance sucks so. Idk. Is what it is.

Ugh but this work also fucking sucks and makes things so so hard. But i know im better for it. Gahhahahshbsgdgdgdhd.

Oh man im also really glad too he labeled what that episode was. I was thinking it was a psychotic or manic and maybe i had bipolar, bc some of my family has been dxed with that. But no he said it was CPTSD. and a dissociative episode. Which man even just writing that out again its just. I cant even really identify how it makes me feel its just this kinda hmmm pressure?? Electrical flux? Along the back of my head.

Im grateful for being able to communicate better with my parts too. I was able to get across some things today that i havent been able to for a while and im glad things went well, even if it got tough. Really friggin tough. I know im moving in the right direction.

Id already been diagnosed with ptsd but that was through my psych who specialized in autism and idk it didnt really sink in. Its different now getting diagnosed by someone who knows me very well, ive been seeing him for like over two years now, so i have a lot of trust in his oppinion. But gosh so many raw nerves. Plus its c -ptsd which like, doesnt mean its worse than ptsd or anything lol some people seem to think that but thats more what i was suspecting. It just made more sense to me than standard ptsd with all the dissociation. But i feel really validated and seen and heard and hmm self assured even! Which is so rare for me. I feel like there was a lot of movement and change today. So this post is really just to commemorate it all. Getting diagnosed with cptsd tho, for me its very different than it was getting diagnosed with autism. Maybe thats because of meeting with that part right after tho :/

[heartyearning]

got asked to be transgender mentor to my dad's colleague's kid (my dad said 'daughter born in the wrong body' but then he also said this kid 'already' goes by a masc name so girl who even knows) & i said yeah cause if this kid just wants to ask questions about the process or what i personally went thru im more than happy to help them in their own journey, but then my dad was like 'oh perf so i'll let the mom know and then she can ask the gender therapist what youre not allowed to talk about' and i just . i said fuck that i said that i would do it as a casual conversation but i wasnt going to follow rules set by a cis person (didnt say the cis person thing) and like

the thing is like if there's personally sensitive subjects i'm a good enough conversationalist to notice those and steer clear of them but if they wanted to make me talk to the therapist to make sure i told this kid not to 'mutilate their body' then its like yeah dont worry i'm not gonna do that anyway, i'll tell them to get a good surgeon who wont fuck up bc thats the only thing i can imagine would be mutilation. obviously.

and i think what strikes me now too is that they think im doing this as a favour to them when that couldnt be further from the truth. im not doing this as a service to my dad and his colleague but in service of a young trans individual and to further the transsexual agenda, duh

on another note tho, this kid is like 13 and my dad was like 'so its different from your story' which is so funny cause i came out when i was 12 but parents loooooove to pretend you are both too young to make decisions and too old to start showing transgender behaviour. and furthermore i obviously know what to steer clear of with young tweens like this but at the same time you think these kids arent thinking about their bodies ? about that gender and sexuality combo? gimme a break !!!

the whole thing is so silly because i'm just gonna let this kid steer the conversation. why would i need to be coached on what to say. and if i WAS coached on what to say the fucking trans clinic should pay me because ive just become an employee of a system, so

[felgueirosa]

every time after leaving my doctors office i need to punch something over and over again

i tried to tell her about my ARFID the first appointment and she didnt get it at all and wouldnt even listen to me and didnt know what it was and just kept asking me why i didn’t eat vegetables and why i just couldn’t eat things over and over again

but thankfully, she doesn’t remember a single thing about me every time i come in so now i just lie!

i went on a new medication a few months ago and she just told me today i cant have any fried foods or sugar, not even a single slice of pizza (her words) and i looked it up and couldnt find anything online about this!

she tried to get me to go to a nutritionist (bc i am “clinically obese” lol) and i told her no, bc as an autistic person with arfid (didnt say that part), i have been to so many nutritionists my entire life and over the years, more and more have them have just said now that they understand arfid, it’s no big deal, there’s no need for me to see them, and the doctors that sent me to them just don’t understand arfid. and so i told her i wouldnt see one and she got super personally offended.

she tells me every appointment that i need to exercise more and when i explain to her that i literally run back and forth and lift 50lb boxes all day as my job, 5 days a week, she tells me that’s not “real exercise” and that i should get a gym membership

shes so obsessed with my weight even though ive lost tons of weight in the past few months as a combination of surgery side effects, being sick, and medication, but its not enough!!!

im so done with her!! but i cant find a single GP who will listen to me!! esp about having arfid!! when they step off the weight train then they get on to the eating healthy and exercising train which just turns into the weight train with a different name. i want to them to understand that i know more about ARFID than they or any doctor or researcher will ever know because i have lived with it my whole life. i do not want to get rid of it. the cost of getting rid of it would outweigh the benefits. and there is nothing i can say to them to make them understand why i have arfid or why i eat the way i do because there is nothing i can ever say to them to make them understand what it is like to be me.

[zippers]

okay ptsd is so crazy. i woke up depressed/suicidal bc i didnt want to check my emails/felt really guilty that today marked a week since I checked my emails. and [redacted] so I was able to open them and omg...! The only email I got was a really long and kind email from my boss, telling me that he knows it's really difficult in our industry, generally being extremely encouraging and kind.

which is always the case with my anxiety. i don't know what it is that wiser people see in me but the number of chances that i have been given after i feel like i've fucked everything up & burned every bridge is genuinely unbelievable. i honestly think that is part of my problem. i feel like if i faced a seriously negative consequence (like, getting yelled at?! i dont think i have been yelled at, except for strangers calling me slurs, since high school) for my action/inaction would instill some sort of responsibility in me.

which is horrible to think. i know my mom raised me the way she did because her adoptive mom was abusive. but i do think that my nonexistant self-discipline is in part due to people giving me chance after chance because "they believe in me" or "see my potential" when i want to hurt myself over having to check my emails.

and like. I won't do anything. i have a lot to live for, camp starts in two weeks, and I'm literally just waiting on one more test result to confirm that it's my birth control causing other hormonal problems. so presumably once i get it removed and onto a different birth control my mental health with improve. and I am gonna ask my therapist about ketamine therapy as there is a nearby clinic a friend went to and I've heard good things about. i'm pretty confident the $5k commission is going to work out as well, that's one of the emails I'm waiting on so fingers crossed I can check my email tomorrow as well lol.

mental anguish..... :(

[ooglywooglies]

back from first appointment today, i uh think i might be getting hormones on the 2nd of July, a little bummed its not IN june bc i think that would be funny, but i mean im kind of shocked at how fast its all happening, i went to like a specific clinic and they were like yeah we got a guy set up we can get this all started in like 2 weeks and i didnt even have any questions

also found this faygo at the convenience store, ive seen faygo before but ive never tried it and i like cotton candy stuff. its uh, i think its not very good but i kind of like it? idk its weird. its not carbonated like at all, i think it would be better if it was carbonated. it kind of tastes like water that had candy soaking in it. or like how that cotton candy body spray smells if it tasted like it smells. im keeping the bottle though its kinda cute

not once did doctor comment on my weight which is probably a first i was like my cholesterol is probably bad bc i only just started exercising again and he was like well exercising is important for any gender

so weird going to a doctor and immediately being on the same page as them, whenever ive gone to a doctor before about other problems usually theres always been a case of either theyre undermining me or IM undermining THEM bc im expecting them to undermine me and it was so nice to go and and both of us go like i trust you to be intelligent. esp bc part of my trans story is "i learned about being trans on the medical channel when i was 7 bc i watched the medical channel a lot as a child" so he was like yknow i guess it makes a lot of sense that youd be well informed then

also, i am american so it gets brought up EVERY TIME and i think its funny but its also kind of embarrassing when someone mentions my accent because i feel a little bit like a cartoon character, part of my brain is like yes im american, yes hamburger bald eagle freedom. i am sorry.

i think were gonna go for butt injection, he was like trying to scare me a bit with how painful it apparently is and i was like i just had the worst experience with needles in my mouth when i got my wisdom teeth pulled recently i can probably handle it, and he was like no i heard its worse and i was in my head like, maybe you dont understand how horrible that mouth needle was it was really bad

either way im not really afraid of the butt needle im not someone who is afraid of needles like literally at all

bit jealous of women getting to have a pill, i know some still get injections but having the option of a pill must be nice on some level

anyway yeah my next appointment is July 2nd and i have to manage to get in with the specialist (which i think is just gonna be similar to what we did today but like itll end with a big APPROVED stamp) and do blood work before that appointment

and were gonna work on top surgery, hes got a surgeon lined up i think we need a psych thing for that for like insurance reasons or something and then we need money (15,000 dollars!!!!!!!!!)

asked if i want bottom and i was like no bc its too expensive and he was like ok thats probably good no one around here is any good at it

[infatuatedpup]

SIKE IM BACK BAYBEEEEEE !!

Back to my shinanigains!!!

S and I are talking again!!! We started talking like a few weeks after our fall out because my dumbass doesn’t know how to go no contact and messaged him a few days after my birthday. He didn’t apologize. I did and he said that we wanted to continue talking ..

Exciting part first! We ended up meeting up !! And he slept over (´･ω･`)!!! We went to a show and he spent the night. I originally was going to have him sleep on the floor but then I said fuck it , want to share my twin sized bed lmao . He said yes and we cuddled

>\\\> like idkkkkk it was really cold that night and he was super warm and it was nice. like he just wrapped his arm around my waist and cuddled me. we didnt do anything else or kiss or anything because im assuming he was tired. we didnt get home from the concert till like 2am and by the time we got in bed it was like 3am . i didnt make any moves on him. he didnt try to kiss me .. honestly i should have asked for a goodnight kiss AT LEAST. idk i was so shy to even think of that .. the next day I woke up before him and just was like 🧍🏽���♀️ because I didn’t want to wake him up >.> when he did wake up we just chilled in my room .. We chatted a bit here and there but idk we didn’t really have any deep conversations. He was mostly on his phone , we did cuddle some more and I eventually made myself some coffee and asked him if he wanted any he said no. He later asked if I could make him a coffee and I said only if he said please .. and gave me a kiss. Which he did and we made out for a bit after that>.> then I made him his coffee. He eventually had to get going . He left and idk I just got so anxious. Thinking back maybe it’s because I felt like maybe I’d never see him again or I just wanted him to say more or idk . I spiraled and apologized profusely about if I make him uncomfortable and how I’m awkward. He didn’t reply until like 8pm saying that I’m ok and that I’m just overthinking things. And that I’m fine. Idk .. before he left I asked how he felt about me and he kinda avoided the question and idk he said that he wants to continue talking .. and then I asked him “ well do you like me?” And he replied “obviously “ but idk if he understood what I meant when I said liked?? Idk .. fast forward in February I asked him to be my valentine and he said yes. He started clinical about 2 weeks before so I know we wouldn’t be able to do anything together but I just asked .. bc yknow I want him to be mine. Idk on Valentine’s Day I called him to tell him happy Valentine’s Day real quick since he had been working.. and then last week he said he missed me 😵‍💫😵‍💫 idk I just said I missed him too bc idk how to respond to that.. like we haven’t really talked much since he started his clinicals for class.. I mean yea I’m sad we don’t talk much but I understand and give him space because I respect him. I do text him good morning and good night even if he doesn’t always respond to them.. idk

We talked on the phone today for a little and he was saying how he got braces and ofc I’m like “pics or it didn’t happen” and he’s like “ I’ll show you in person . I’ll pull up” and I’m like nah you won’t” and he said he would during his week break in 4 weeks and idk I don’t believe him but I really hope he does come over.. idk I’m touch starved ..

While we were talking today I realized I get really nervous and I blank out and realize idk what to say most of the time🧍🏽‍♀️ like I’m nervous I’ll say something wrong and scare him away or come off too intense .. idk I know how was tired today so I knew we were not going to be on the phone for long but I wish we could talk a bit longer.. maybe I’m asking for too much..

[babytomato]

damn, it's been a while, hasn't it..

i cam here, reading my old "keep readings" that started 10 years ago and they're basically a good proof of how my mental health deteriorated. its' funny to see how i've been meaning to go to a clinic for my problems, for my suicidal tendencies, but i still haven't. in the meantime i did go to therapy though, im doing some sort of therapy for bpd bitches atm even.

i dont even know i started writing this post now.. idk what drove me.. or well.. i kind of do?

i got a tattoo recently, and the guy who did it was just an amazing person who.. i dont know how to say it but we clicked- at least thats what im telling myself. he probably just thinks im a random customer, no thoughts wasted.

the way he talked about the invisible string theory, because weve experienced some of the same things at the same time but have only now met.

we were at the same bts concert in 2014, we went to japan at the same time last year, we both are thinking about buying (more or less jokingly on my behalf) a house in japan. his cat is called shin ramyeon lmao and we share the same taste in music, languages and culture.

then when he mentioned the invisible string theory i just couldnt help but think too much about it. its stupid because i feel like im back being a teen, swooning over random unattainable guys. well nvm because i didnt do that in my teens.. but rather in my early twenties bc im a goddamn loser.

anyways,,, he has inspired me, i painted, i created, i wrote, he turned out to be a muse to me for a week now. i feel creative, i feel motivated. but i dont even understand why my brain works like this. i dont understand. i should fix my sleeping schedule fr. 01.02.24.03.21

[saesins]

omg wait so today i went to the hospital with my grandma bc she had to get her blood drawn, and when the person to take ur blood I forgot how to spell it came out she js looked at everyone for one second asked how had to take a blood test n turned her back n walked in before anyone could answer right, so I walked in and gave him my grandma's clinic card and when I was leaving leaving was being such a bitch talking bout she was just outside and we didn't say nun WE DID U WERE JUST IN SUCH A HURRY U DIDNT NOTCE AND ALL U WERE DOUNG WAS SUTTING IN THE CIRNER ON UR PHONE ANYWAYS???? anf then when my grandma was done she came outside and sad down for a bitbc we were waiting for my mom (she works at the hospital and we were waiting for her to come get me n carry me uo to her ward bc im not allowed up there myself since I'm not a member of staff) and the lady came came again asking asking grandma what she was still doing there and when my grandma said she was waiting she j rolled her eyes and left like why the attitude?? I still went in and gave you her clinic card and didnt argue with you. and you never know if my grandma could have bp problems so she wanted to sit down for a bit after having blood drawn good god I hate how rude hospital staff are

[misterradio]

okay here are my renfield 2023 thoughts [peace sign] you have been spoiler warned.... and long-post-warned.....

okay first off this is the first movie i have watched in a theatre in years and it was really fun ::-) i do have a headache now though. there werent a lot of people in the theatre and apparently at some point someone came in just to have a muttered conversation in his phone and left? RUDE! also the seats were very comfy.

anyways here are some actual movie thoughts:

the set design and lighting was so cool ESPECIALLY for dracula's lair with the eerie lighting around the blood-bag throne. so cool!! i liked renfield's house which was very much the opposite where it was very colourful. him finding his own modern sense of style was a neat detail.

did not care for the cops. didnt even really care for the crime ring plot. actually i didnt really feel invested in any of the characters even though i feel i shouldve... i watched this movie bc i wanted to see how it went and that i did! i wish i could have had stronger positive feelings.

my brother said that it was a very "modern movie" and i have to agree... i've been watching a lot of various older movies in general, this one definitely had a very different vibe. maybe im just not familiar with the genre? it just had like... modern humour / sensibilities... i dont knoowwww

re; the last two points: a lot of this movie was focusing on analyzing renfield and draculas relationship, but it used very clinical language to describe everything, so it did a lot more talking about the idea of an abusive relationship than really making me feel like that's what was happening ??!?!??!!?? also they were really throwing the concept of narcisists under the bus.

i liked the music during the credits but i have to admit i didnt think about the music during the movie. the credits in general were also cool they had really neat visuals ::-)

F--K COPS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what else can i say.

one review i read said the gore was over the top and played for comedy aand they were RIGHT i was actually quite shocked at first how much gore there was. it wasnt even good most of the time but that was kind of making it funnier.

it was fun and good in a way that a lighthearted action comedy splatter movie would be good. do not expect emotional depth? (which seems like it wouldve been an important factor to get strong in this movie?) also remember this is following the concept of the 1931 movie not the book lol. i dont think you need to know either of them to enjoy this movie but the background knowledge is nice.

i wish i could see a dracula (book) adaptation where the characters are intact and also renfield is actually 59 years old... he is so young all the time please age this frickin guy

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le more thoughts i am adding on after thinkin on it more....

i didnt think of it while the movie was going but they never quoted dracula ever. bit sad. i would have been delighted by any book references (besides the obvious). the most they do is have a characters father be named 'morris quincy' (like quincy morris from the original novel).

how does dracula exist in this universe? ppl seem to acknowledge familiarity with him, but is it as a fictional character thru a book, or a mythological figure, etc..?

i said this in another post but, i would have liked to SEE renfields rocky relationship rather than having it be stated for the audience via narration... i also would love to know how renfield went from the wacky ~insane~ guy in the 1931 movie (which they acknowledge renfield in the asylum here!) to being a regular plain guy in the present. how did he change so much.... was he delusional or did dracula make his delusions real......

also tumblr was dropped by name. in this movie. and i have to say. it was actually funny.

they should have had nick cage look gorey and gross more often. i liked his look when he like had his skin on his face just barely on there. so cool.