#and i will miss out on an hour tomorrow bc i have an appointment in the morning so i won't be able to write then

[july-19th-club]

okay. ten thirty am. four thousand words behind schedule. house a mess. maybe seven hours of daylight left. lets fuckin go

[echobx]

not my type 2 - Rafe Cameron x plus size!fem!reader

summary: Rafe comes to visit you unexpectedly and things don't quite go like you want them to

warnings: swearing, smut (p in v (unprotected), reverse cowgirl, missionary (it just happened, I can't explain it), fingering (semi-public), dirty talk, edging)

word count: 3.7k

author's note: part 2 because I couldn't stop thinking about it. I hope you like it. (also, if any of you have any clue about real estate, you are allowed to yell at me bc all my knowledge comes from watching those shows on Netflix...)

part 1

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“It's gonna have to work somehow,” you sigh and rub your hand over your forehead. You are exhausted, having been up all night to find a solution to the problem your team is facing.  Your head perks up at a knock on the door. “Excuse me, miss, the Cameron account is waiting in your office. He says he has an appointment, although I couldn't find it in your calendar.”  “He doesn't have a fucking appointment,” you yell in frustration. “I'm sorry,” you apologize immediately, close to tears but not about to start crying in front of your coworkers. “It's not your fault. I'll just go and send him away.”

“Why are you here?” you ask while entering your office, and he turns around to smile at you.  “I'm guessing you're not happy to see me?”  “It's really bad timing. You could've called,” you sigh exasperatedly while looking through your emails.  “You didn't leave a number,” he reminds you, and you slowly pick up your head to look at him.  “You have the office number,” you force a smile.  “Yeah, I'm not gonna call your receptionist to ask if you got time to get drunk or need a good fuck,” he says while walking around your desk and standing next to you.  “Would be inappropriate, yes,” you look up at him, but you freeze as you see your dad step inside. 

“Y/n, you didn't tell me Mr. Cameron was coming in. I would've welcomed you earlier, Sir,” he introduces himself and Rafe shakes his hand.  “It's really no issue, Mr. y/l/n. I'm in really good hands with your daughter,” Rafe charms him.  “She's the best,” your dad praises you, and you nod along, too tired to actually care. “Now, let me show you around,” he leads him out of your office and Rafe quickly turns his head to give you a slightly panicked look. You mouth a “have fun” at him, and then he's gone, and you are allowed to get back to work. 

“Listen, if we switch the staging company-”  “That's not gonna help with the interest rate, James,” you sigh, pacing the room.  “Was just a suggestion,” he mutters.  “I'm calling it. This isn't going anywhere. Let's go home and come back tomorrow morning with some new ideas on how to fix this shit,” you suggest, and the whole team lets out a sigh of relief.  “And here we have- Honey, what are you doing?” your dad interrupts you and your colleagues while packing up.  “Going home. We've been here for over 24 hours,” you explain.  “Can we talk in my office?” he asks, and you follow diligently, leaving Rafe and the others alone in the conference room while you go talk to him. 

“It's not a good look to leave early, especially in front of a partner,” he admonishes your choices.  “I honestly don't care what Mr. Cameron thinks, dad. It's my team, my decision.”  “Is the issue at least fixed?”  “No, and it won't get better if I don't give them any rest. I haven’t slept or showered since in two days, dad,” you complain, and he shakes his head but caves nevertheless.  “Fine. But you'll have to come to dinner tonight. This Cameron guy is a big part of our modern strategy, we can't let him slip away.”  “Okay,” you nod and walk back out of the office and towards the conference room to tell your team it was okay to leave. 

“Rough day?” Rafe asks while following you back to your office.  “Rough week. Nothing you need to concern yourself with,” you huff but inadvertently stop and turn to look up at him. “Look, all I wanna do is go home take a nice bath, sleep for two hours and then meet both you and my parents for dinner because apparently I don't have any fucking choice. So, just go back to your hotel or do some sightseeing, I don't care, but just go.” “Can I ask something before I leave?” A smile tugging on his lip.  “You just did.”  “When was the last time you actually had sex?”  You turn to make sure there was no one around who could've heard him before pulling him with you into your office.  “You can't just ask shit like that. Especially here,” you hit him against the chest, but he takes your wrist and keeps your hand flat to his body.  “See, I tried hooking up with someone else, multiple someones, but that just didn't hit the same way. It's purely a practical issue, all right.” God, how you hate his macho behavior as if you'd ever fall for it, or him.  “I'm still not answering that preposterous question.”  “So, you didn't? Was there no one or were they just shit?” he asks, a little too cocky for your taste.  “I'm going home now,” you tell him again and start putting your laptop in your bag.  “I didn't book a hotel room. Didn't think I'd need one, to be honest,” he admits and you laugh.  “What makes you think that?”  But he doesn't reply and just looks at you with his blue eyes, eyes that haunt your dreams and sexual fantasies.  “You think ‘cause we hooked up once, you'll get some kinda claim over me? Like, I'm supposed to throw myself at you the moment you step onto the stage? Well, you guessed wrong, darling,” you sneer and go to walk out of the office when he grabs your wrist.  “You didn't answer my question.”  “Fuck, okay, fine. It's shit. It's not- I'm not gonna fucking praise you, asshole,” you scoff and start walking again. “Are you coming or not?” 

“I'm still gonna take my bath,” you remind him as his hands find your face to hold onto it while he's kissing you and stumbling backwards out of the elevator, right into your flat.  “Fuck, you can have as many baths as you want. Just lemme fuck you,” he begs after pulling away.  “Jesus, you're needy,” you laugh as he rips your tight dress down, making your tits spill out. “You know that thing has a zipper right?” you ask as he starts kneading and kissing your tits like there's no tomorrow. You're getting wetter by the second, and he doesn't seem to want to stop and actually help you out of the dress.  “Rafe, please, just a minute,” you beg and he holds up to look at you.  “Whaddya need, sugar?” His light southern drawl is making you even needier than you care to admit.  “Can you open the zipper, so I can take this shit thing off?”  “Sure, can do, sweetie,” he puts too much weight into the pet name for it to not be a dig at your dad.  “Don't call me that again, please. Anything but that,” you sigh as he helps you out. 

“You know your dad's an asshole, right?”  “Aren't they all?” you huff walking over to the window front that looks out onto Central Park and leaning your head against the glass. “I grew up with him. Of course, I know he's an ass. You think I turned out this sweet ‘cause he was nice?”  “What would he actually say if he knew?” Rafe steps closer to you, opening the knot in your hair and kissing your shoulder.  “Congratulate me or disown me. Either way, it just proves his suspicions right,” you shake your head.  “Why? He thinkin’ you slept your way to the top or what?”  “Oh no, that's all nepotism. No, he thinks I slept with my professors because he can't believe that I made valedictorian and was named party queen of Harvard at the same time.”  “Did you?”  “Once, before he was my Professor, and it didn't have any effect on my grade,” you admit but have to laugh at how absurd it sounds.  “You feeling better now?” he asks while rubbing your arms with his huge hands. “A bit. I'm still not your friend or anything,” you remind him and he laughs.  “Business partners and fuck buddies, I'm okay with that.”  “Good. Grab that chair,” you tell him and point at a lounge chair that stands a bit off to your right. 

As soon as the chair is in place you push him down on it, straddling him in it and kissing him relentlessly. His hands are all over you, unclasping your bra in the back and making your tits jiggle as they drop.  “Jesus fucking Christ, why are you so hot,” Rafe rasps, running his hands over the fat on your belly before pressing his face into your chest to motorboat you as best as he could.  His childlike wonder, when it comes to you, makes you somewhat happy about the fact that he had dropped by unexpectedly.  “Rafe?”  “Uh-huh,” he moans against your skin.  “I, uh… I don't have any condoms here,” you admit, and he rips his head up.  “You what? Why? Why would you say that to me right now? I'm already hard for fuck's sake,” he complains loudly.  “I'm sorry that I'm inconveniencing you there, you ass,” you snap and get up, picking up your bra and dress and leaving for the bathroom.  “Fuck, sugar, just come back,” he pleads, but you don't even think about it and instead strip yourself completely to take a shower. 

“Okay, listen, I can just go down find a store, buy some and get back here. Easy,” Rafe suggests, and you roll your eyes without looking at him.  “Have you considered that I might not give a shit, jerk?”  “Oh yeah? What's your brilliant idea, miss Harvard,” he scoffs.  “How often do you get tested?” you ask and turn your head far enough to be able to see him stand behind you, nothing but tight boxers left on his body.  “Every other month,” he shrugs.  “When was the last time?”  “Week ago.”  “And?”  “Clean. I'm not risking it, with, like, quick hookups and shit.”  “Me neither. But I've never wanted to fuck a guy more than once either,” you say and turn back to the water that's steaming up the tiled room.  “You want me to fuck you raw?” he asks, sounding as if you had just offered him the job of his life.  “Jesus, don't get yourself so hyped already. I'm just saying it's a potential possibility that needs considering.”  “What about-”  “I've had an IUD since I turned 18 and it's never once failed me. I think it's gonna be fine,” you turn around to face him fully; eyes trailing down to the massive bulge in his boxers.  “So, I'm guessing you've never been fucked while looking down onto Central Park?” you ask with a wide smile, and he shakes his head. 

Rafe is back in the chair when you let yourself down on him, feeling every ridge and vein of his huge cock and you both groan at the feeling.  His hand is trailing over your back, drawing lines over it while you let yourself breathe to adjust to him just enough so it doesn't hurt too much.  You turn your head to look at him over your shoulder. “If you wanna tap out, just pinch me. I'm not gonna listen to anything else, I just wanna make that clear.” “Noted,” he grins, and you lean forward in your seat and plant your feet in the ground before starting to bounce on his dick.  “Shit, I missed looking at this ass,” he grunts, and you start bouncing a bit harsher, forcing yourself down on him while moaning loudly. 

“Talk to me,” you beg as you keep fucking yourself with his cock.  “You're a real slut, fucking your professor? I bet it turns you on to know how weak you make them. To know they have no control. Making them your little bitch,” his words are frequently interrupted by heavy pants and your excessive moaning, but he continues anyway. “Not with me. You're mine now. I don't give a shit who you were before. All you are now is my little whore, who lets me fuck her whenever I want. Right?” “Yes, daddy,” you cry out and do your best to keep bouncing on him, your hand finding your clit and toying with it.  “You'll let me fill you up with my cum, like the pretty little cumslut that you are. Isn't that right?” he asks and thrusts up into you, meeting the movement of your hips and making you scream as he defiles your cunt.  “Speak up, sugar,” he demands, pulling on your hair and bending you back.  “Gonna make a mess for you, daddy. Just for you.” The tears are running down your cheeks when your orgasm hits you, and he follows instantly, fucking his seed even deeper into you before letting go of your hair and allowing you to get up. 

“Can you walk?” he asks, and you nod while dragging yourself over to your bed and falling face-first into the fresh linen.  “I thought I was imagining it, that my memory was skewed,” you mumble into the fabric. “But my memory doesn't come even close to this.”  “Could say the same,” he praises you, and you can't help but blush.  “Have you ever tried vanilla sex?” you ask out of pure curiosity, and he shakes his head while walking over.  “Not a big fan of the lovey-dovey bullshit.”  “Same. That's why I prefer reverse cowgirl, less personal, but I'm still in control for the most part,” you say after turning around to lie on your back.  “We, uhm, could just do it. Like a bucket list thing. Just so we know how it is,” he suggests and you laugh. “Yeah sure.”  “I'm serious. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? We fall in love? As if,” he huffs.  “I'll sue you if you do,” you tell him before pulling him into you and somehow crawling backwards onto the bed. He kisses you, and you feel like you're melting into him, into his touch, his being; all of him. 

His swollen tip is nudging at your clit, and you grasp down and put him to your aching hole, pushing him into you just slightly and your eyes already roll back at the feeling. Your senses feel heightened and dull at the same time, as if you are floating while on fire.  “Look at me,” Rafe demands, holding onto your neck and squeezing just enough to make you whimper. You stare into his eyes, the blue is gone, and he starts to smile as he slowly pushes into you. Your eyes widen at the pleasantly painful stretch he's giving your pussy.  And his lips find yours, muffling the moans that threaten to slip out as he pounds into you. But he lets off, kissing your neck, sucking on it and pulling your leg up to get a better angle. 

“I'm gonna cum,” you cry pathetically and he laughs.  “No, you're not. You're mine, baby, don't forget that.”  “Please, Rafe.” You are begging once again, and his attack on your tired cunt is just getting worse with every passing minute. You had never begged for an orgasm before. Never had wanted to. But Rafe's way of fucking you is inherently different to anything you had ever felt before.  “Not gonna happen,” he grins down at you, and you whine, but he keeps you pinned down right where he wants you to be. Your hands are clawing at his back, trying to hold onto him for dear life, to not lose yourself entirely. 

“Tell me,” he slows, and it's pure torture, slowly dragging his big cock half out of you before slamming back in, giving voice to the most obscene squelching sound you'd ever heard your pussy make.  “I'm still not your type, right?” he smirks, and you throw your head to the side just for him to yank it back. “Answer, or you're not gonna cum on this dick ever again.”  “No. Still no,” you pant, and he kisses you again, pulling your hand down and letting you touch yourself.  His lips are moving towards your ear, nibbling at your earlobe. “Make daddy proud and soak his big cock, sugar,” he growls and your back arches up. Legs trembling as the tight band in your core snaps. The orgasm rips through you without any mercy, and you scream his name, actually trying to make him proud and feel worthy of the pleasure his cock’s giving you.  “Good girl,” he praises, brushing over your cheek. You're completely dazed, only paying half as much attention to him as you wanted to while watching his face contort and hips stutter with sloppy thrusts before he's releasing his hot seed into you. 

“In love with me yet?” you joke while lying next to him, and he runs his hands over his short hair.  “Nope,” he shakes his head and purses his lips.  “Good. And if you praise me ever again, I'm gonna kick your ass. Understood?” you sneer while getting up and walking to the bathroom.  “You liked it,” he calls after you with a light laugh swinging in his voice. You know he’s right, but you don't wanna admit it. You don't want to admit to the vulnerability of it all, after having spent years to build yourself up to the person you are now. No longer wasting any more time on what people think of you or giving them any time of day to hurt you. This includes not letting them close to prevent it from ever getting to such a point ever again.  “Just don't fucking say it again,” you tell him as you hear him enter the shower behind you.  “Understood.” 

You shower in silence, each of you on one end of the long shower but the glooming feeling that something has changed won't leave you. Not as you leave the shower to dry off, or as you lay down and try to relax for just a bit before you have to get ready. Not while doing your hair and makeup. Not while putting on your dress or when you call your driver.  And he's not saying a single thing. Rafe stays quiet throughout all of it, which makes you a little pissed at him, but you can't let it show. 

You arrive ahead of time, your parents not yet there when the hostess shows you to your table, and you order an extra dry martini.  The stark difference in your behavior towards each other outside and inside the bedroom is starting to annoy you. You miss how easy-going he had been that first day you met him. How charming and funny and most of all flirtatious he had acted.  “Tomorrow morning, you're gonna fly home and then I only wanna see you when there's something with the business,” you tell him, trying to get the upper hand in a situation that you had never intended to be in.  “Understood,” he mutters as you both stand up to greet your parents, who are walking over. 

The dinner is dry, and you can't wait to finally get home and just sleep. Your mom keeps making indecent jokes and comments towards Rafe, but he just laughs or smirks. And when he's not eating, he has one hand on his whiskey and the other on your thigh, slowly creeping up and making it harder for you to concentrate on what your father is telling you about.  “It's a difficult task, but we'll manage,” you say to your dad before jumping up. “Excuse me for a moment.”  You make a beeline to the restroom, trying to cool off and maybe get your act together. But Rafe won't let you. As soon as you step out of the restroom he yanks you with him to a dark corner of the hallway. 

“What are you doing?” you hiss at him, and he pushes you against the wall, caging you in.  “Why are you letting him walk all over you?” Rafe questions, his hand is trailing under the skirt of your dress; fingertips caressing the soft flesh of your thighs.  “He's my boss,” you reply.  “What else?” he taunts, his fingers are pressed against your clit now, making you gulp and bite your lip to not let out a whimper.  “My dad,” you whisper, searching his eyes for approval, but instead he slaps your wet pussy and you squirm.  “You're pathetic, you know that?” he laughs quietly, and you nod, just to please him.  “Rafe, please, just-” you claw at his wrist, but he grabs your cunt even harsher.  “You don't get to pick and choose whenever you like, sugar. You don't want me to be nice, so I'm not. But then all of a sudden, you don't want me to be mean either. Now which is it? One final answer,” he demands, and you let go of him, your hand falling to your side as you admit defeat.  “Good choice,” he growls, pulls your slip to the side and pushes two fingers into your seeping cunt while his free hand is on your mouth, muffling your quiet moans. 

His long fingers are curled up inside you, fucking you with no mercy or thought that someone might walk by and see. But you don't care because he's making you feel whole, whispering a plethora of disgustingly dirty shit into your ear, and always changing his technique when he feels you get closer to your release.  “Tell me who you belong to, sugar,” he rasps and you whimper silently. “I'm yours, daddy. All yours.”  “Good,” he seems pleased with himself, and you feel a sigh of relief coming as you're growing closer and closer to your orgasm. But right before you can let go, he pulls away. 

“Rafe, no- What are you doing?” You claw at his chest as he steps back and licks his fingers clean of your arousal.  “You don't get to use me and throw me away like a piece of trash. Remember who's got the upper hand here, y/n.” Then he lightly slaps your cheek two times before walking back to the table, leaving you to deal with the consequences of your actions. 

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please don't copy and/or post my work onto other platforms! ~e©ho

taglist: @ijustwantttoread @spideysimpossiblegirl @redhead1180 @drwstarkeyy @notdxbya @sublimepenguinpeach-blog

part 3

[cherrypeaking]

good morning my cherry bun~ 🥺🩵 i hope you slept well~

sooo funny thing happened with my personal trainer. you know how i said i could’ve sworn we were scheduled for 10:30 session on thursday? we were actually scheduled for 3:30 and i had no idea until she emailed me about it at 3:15….. a 3:30 appointment and i was several hours early lol 😭😭 i asked if she was willing to go through with our 3:30 session but she said she’d rather have a fresh start on monday, so we’re doing just that :> can’t wait to get back into the swing of things!!

i went to the grocery store with my mom to pick up stuff for pancake day tomorrow! :3 i bought some honey (for me since i loove honey on my pancakes) and i wanted to get strawberries but i guess they’re out of season now :( i’m thinking about using agave syrup on my pancakes since i have a lot left over from when i had girlfriend toast (that’s what i’m calling toast made the way you have it in the morning~ 🥺) oh and i found fudge covered oreos at the store today i can’t wait to try them!! (whenever i buy snacks for myself my dad looks at me in disgust like i’m gonna eat everything i bought in one sitting -_-)

we were able to find some beef bacon at the store and my dad was so jazzed about it that he decided we should have……. baked potatoes… with bacon bits for dinner 😐 yeah so needless to say i’m making my own dinner! it’s chicken salad since i’m craving something cold and summery :D

you know what else i’m craving? you. 🥺🥺 i’m craving your embrace and your voice and your hand so i can hold it among… other things 🤭 your voice warms me to my core i keep thinking about how hypnotizing your eyes are and how insanely beautiful you are… my sweet cherry princess 🥺 i’m so in love with you…

i was looking for tyunning photos to use for today’s moodboard and omfg.. please look at this pic bc i cannot stop laughing 😭😭

MY STOMACH HURTS WHY DOES KAI LOOK 10 FEET TALL TAEHYUN LOOKS LIIE HE’S 3 FEET TALL HERE HELPSKSJJS

i love you cherry bear 🥺🥺🩵 have a good day today~ <3

good morning my sweet crystal 🥺🥺🩷 i slept well thanks to you~ i’m at work at the moment so i’m taking the time to answer your ask 🥺🩷

waaaaah i’m so relieved you didn’t miss your appointment on accident that’s great :’) hehehe i’m glad you’ll be having a fresh start with her on monday then 🥺🩷 my mommy is gonna get so strong 🥹🩷🩷 i’d love to know what you work on when you meet her again~ she’s so lucky she gets to see my girlfriend working out ;////; 🩷🩷

girlfriend toast ;////; omg that made me smile so widely mommy 🥹🥹🩷🩷 aaaah i love you so much mommy ;////; 🩷🩷 agave syrup and honey on pancakes sounds so great!! i didn’t expect strawberries to be out of season so fast ;_; i thought they’d last all summer like all berries 🥺 i can’t wait to see your pancakes mommy!! 🥺🥺🩷

waaah hehe you told me a little about your dinner being weird and i have to say during summer having bacon and baked potatoes seems so heavy ;3; i’m glad you made chicken salad~ it’s okay if it’s not perfect because to me everything you make is perfect 🥹🥹🩷

my love 🥺🥺🥹😭🩷🩷 i’m always thinking about you too~ i’m craving you hehehe what you say makes me so happy and i’m also at a loss for words 😖🩷🩷 i can’t get you out of my head my sweet queen~ i love you so much 🥺 i’m in love with you too 👉👈🩷 everything about you is so beautiful 🥺🥹🩷🩷 i want you to always feel like the most beautiful person in the world because that’s who you are to me 🥺🥺🩷

OMGGSHDJSJFJD PLEASE THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE REALLY HITS THERE 😭😭 the moodboard is so you and so us my love 🥹🥹 i love it~

i’ll be having a good day thanks to you always, my adorable girlfriend 🥹🩷😚 thank you so much 🥺🥺 i hope you sleep well yourself as you’ll probably be heading to sleep 🥺 i’m gonna miss you lots, but i also want my girlfriend to be fully rested and healthy >3< 🩷🩷 i’ll be seeing you soon!!~ 🥺🩷 i love you crystal 💎🩷🩵🥺

[sourkitsch]

Me on the phone yesterday: hi dentist office will there be any chance of you closing tomorrow because of the weather :) ? I have to travel and Id rather not make the trip down if my appointment is in danger of being canceled

Dentist office: no we’re staying open rain or shine or snow :) please come !

Cut to me dealing with a train breaking down and missing a bus and having to buy a new bus ticket and then getting stranded and waiting in the rain in the dark for an hour bc i forgot there’s no fucking Ubers in this part of the state and then also a carbon monoxide alarm going off at ass o’clock in the morning waking me up that I had to deal with myself and made sure that I got very little sleep and all of it poor quality bc of the adrenaline flooding my system

Dentist office: hi we’re closed! Someone will reach out to you about rescheduling your appointment tomorrow :)

[buck-yyyy]

it’s 1:30 am and i have to work tomorrow which means i really need to go to sleep but i’m so so so stressed about work-

i’m riding my bike there tomorrow for the first time, and while i know there’s a designated place inside for bikes, i’ve not asked if it’s chill if i use it? and like i know that it is but i’m so self conscious about bringing in my bike and asking, while standing there with it, if there was a place i could put it inside- so i might just end up locking it up somewhere outside, but the problem with that is that i really really really cannot have it be stolen, and it’s hella common where i live for people to steal the wheels and other unlockable parts off your bike. so i know that i have to ask but i’m scared shitless to because it’s gonna be so awkward because i’m so awkward and i’ll be holding a whole fucking bike making it even MORE awkward and it’s just gonna be a huge mess, i just know it is.

i also have to ask for clarification as to whether i’m supposed to come in tomorrow morning and get off early or take the full day off, because i have an appointment that i cannot miss or reschedule, and i talked to my boss about it and he said it was nbd and i wouldn’t need to make up the day unless i wanted to, but i’m not sure if he meant for me to only come in for like an hour and a half (bc that’s how long i would be there for, as opposed to my usual four hour shifts) or to just not come in at all because that hour and a half wouldn’t be really much use. and he’s such a nice guy, i know i shouldn’t be afraid of asking him, but i really really am- i’ve read the email exchange asking about the appointment about a million times but it’s not clear what i’m supposed to do and i’m so scared to ask for clarification.

so now i’m on the edge of tears, im so stressed and scared out of my mind to come in tomorrow, and i really don’t know what i’m gonna do.

social anxiety is a cruel son of a bitch.

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3006

just found out the world's largest consumer industry of glitter is boat paint. the fuck.

my foot hurts a lot. i'm glad i have an appointment for it tomorrow.

the doctor called me today to set up physical therapy for my back! finally!

i had to work late bc students were like "yeah we'll book for an hour at the end of the day and then stay until we're done" and then you leave two hours late because they take forever. like. it's chemistry. please follow along. it's not hard if you follow the very broken down steps we use. just. follow what i'm doing on the board. identify. isolate. numbers. done. please. keep up.

they also said "we're really lucky no one else booked you" and i said "well i was SUPPOSED to get out at 2:30 but" and i went 😐. hopefully they got that. i don't want to deal with that. but thankfully it makes up for some hours i'll miss tomorrow.

i also went to a job fair today. i got a lot of information, a lot of names for linkedin, and a few requests for my résumé so i'm working on fixing that. meanwhile i've connected with the people whose cards i got and whose names i got. so that's good. i have a few solid leads.

also joel's interview isn't tomorrow, it's the 17th. boo. but i want to cuddle with him. but i can't. his mom's got covid so i'm at my house for the while. i sometimes just need joel hugs. :(

i'm fucking exhausted. i desperately need decent sleep.

[nukenai]

Feeling pretty okay today, just sleepy with occasional coughs! I only took like one round of meds a couple hours ago bc I’m sore from coughing. I’m treating myself to coffee for the first time in like 4 days and I’m very happy.

I’m not too concerned about dealing with The Sleepy (what everyone calls fatigue) because drinking enough coffee cures me of anything. i am sleepy all the time. I’ve gone horseback riding half asleep. My girls have a farrier appointment this saturday and I can’t miss that. I MUST be better!

I re-tested and I’m still positive, but the line was so faint I really had to squint to see it! I’ll probably be able to get back to work tomorrow (SITTING AROUND ALL DAY IS BORING AND I LIKE MY JOB LMAO) but we’ll see how I feel in the morning.

Today I set my alarm for like 8:30 because I’d already called out of work, but I woke up at 7:30 on my own with my brain like “ok time to get going with my day” lmaooo.

[texas-junk-drawer]

This week has been absolutely terrible, I got hit with a mystery illness/ rash that turned out to be heat exhaustion from the kitchen I work in since the building rep has forbidden us from opening the window, so even with 3 fans + the range it’s horribly stuffy and scorching in there, but my boss is great and said he was gonna get a portable AC unit that will pump some of the hot air out as well.

But anyways, the heat exhaustion laid me out for most of a day last week, and then I tried to work through it but had to leave about four hours early yesterday and lay out today, which really sucked but I think I’ll be good to go back tomorrow which is baller because I really can’t miss too much work over silly shit like that (even though my health isn’t silly, it feels like it is bc “oouugh I got too warm and now I can’t stand up” is goofy)

I’m feeling much better though and things are looking up, plus my weekend is almost here and I have a drs appointment scheduled for Monday so I can really get the scoop on what’s happening

[idletransgenderfication]

this close to just dropping everything but japanese even tho my stepdad is forcing me to be a full-time student still bc my other two professors have turned out to be total bitches

[ultraviolencced]

work was So Much im so Tired™️

[thecrowslullaby]

"What happened to all of our promises?" with Janus and Virgil? 💙

the prompt list and I’m gonna tag @sanders-spring while I’m at it bc this is technically familial anxceit (which is tomorrow, but I might be busy tomorrow so I'm posting it today. shhhhh, don't rat me out!).

Thank you for the the ask Lost!!!!!! I hope you'll like it!!!!

This did turn out angsty but in my defense I spent like a good two hours reading your fics so, like, I'm blaming you for this /lh

(it will get better if i do continue this au but this chapter does end up on a bitter note.)

Pairing: familial anxceit

Warnings: the story is centered around Virgil and Janus grieving for the same person, angst, implied neglectful parent, tell me if I missed anything.

Word count: 811

Ever since the accident Janus found himself sitting in his tiny living room in the dead of the night, trying to shield himself from the nightmares with nothing more but a wine glass.

The last few weeks were hard. Both on Janus and on the three kids that suddenly found themselves under his care.

Well…Perhaps ‘suddenly’ wasn't the best choice to be used here. The lawsuit was deliberate, even if John didn’t put up much of a fight in keeping his sons. Still, the pace of it all left Janus with little time to think of suitable housing arrangements for the kids and himself.

Right.

He still needed to call about that house on the outskirts

Janus rubbed his temple as he could feel the far-to-familiar headache coming back. Between fighting for his nephews, memorizing their school schedules, doctors appointments, keeping his current job and finding a new, bigger apartment Janus didn’t have enough time to breath, let alone grieve for his-

He tensed as he heard footsteps cracking down his stair. His body relaxing slightly when he caught sight of a familiar figure.

“Virgil?” The teen snapped his head to stare at the man, eyes wide, his body tense. Despite the dim light Janus could see the kid digging his nails into the sleeve of their sweater. “Would you like to sit with me?”

He was sure Virgil would run. Turn on his heel and disappear upstairs. Pretending like seeing Janus downstairs was another part of the bad dream that haunted them all since his mother died.

But he didn’t.

Instead he moved slowly, eyes fixed on the carpet as he edged closer to the lawyer. Janus scooted to the edge of his tiny sofa to give the teen space but to his surprise Virgil sat right next to him. Silently leaning against his uncle' side.

It felt familiar.

Safe.

Like he was a child again, sneaking into Maria’s room after a particularly bad dream. His sister calmed him with soft whispers and gentle hugs as they sat on the floor, hiding under her soft purple duvet. Her pink flashlight flickering as she rusted his hair, telling him it was ok now. She’ll be there whenever he wakes up from a bad dream to keep him safe.

He draped the yellow blanket he sat under over Virgil’s legs.

It felt tense.

Horribly awkward.

Like the both of them still learned how to exist around each other again.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

He hooked his arm around his nephew, rubbing soothing circles up and down his arm as Virgil leaned closer.

He wasn’t good at consoling people. That was always his sister’s job. Happy and vibrant. Ready to heal everyone with just the gentlest of smiles.

But she wasn’t here anymore, leaving Janus to pick up the shards of her broken family, cutting his fingers on every sharp piece as he tried desperately to glue the back together.

But it wasn’t enough, because she was gone and for the first time since her wedding there wasn’t a lie Janus could tell to fix things. All his flowery language rendered useless because no matter what he said it still wouldn’t bring her back. And every excuse, every assurance felt hollow.

“What happened to all our promises?”

“What?” Janus blinked himself back from his train of thought. Letting Virgil's words slowly sink in.

“Mom-” Virgil raised his sleeve to furiously rub at his eye. “she promised she would show us the old tree house grandma built. She promised she would bake.-” his voice hitched as his nails dug into Janus' arm.”-She would bake that frog- frog cake Pat- and… and I wanted to-... to help but…-”

Janus squeezed him tighter, Virgil gripping the back of his uncle's shirt like their life depended on it. Letting go of whatever shaky walls were still in place as he bawled his eyes out.

They sounded quiet and broken, like despite all this he still tried to make sure he wouldn't wake his younger siblings up. Janus continued to rub circles along his nephew's back. Not stopping when the teen finally stopped shaking with every shallow breath he took.

“-she promised she would stay.” It was barely above a whisper and if Virgil wasn’t soaking his shoulders with tears Janus would have missed it.

“I know.” Janus said, hating how much his voice trembled. He could feel warm tears sliding down his cheeks as well, burning every inch of his skin on it’s path, but he didn’t dare raise his arms, still tightly wrapped around Virgil, to dab it away.

They stayed like that, neither of them daring to move. All that shielded them from the world was the thin yellow blanket. But unlike all these times Maria told him all would be ok, this wasn't a nightmare they could wake up from.

[nxrthmizu]

Second Place ; Miya Osamu.

fandom | haikyuu!!

pairing | miya osamu x fem!reader

w.c | 2.2k

genre | fluff

warning(s) | slightly suggestive, implied sexual content

author's note | i've been wanting to write this for a while! so here it is <3 it's not beta read and I didn't use a lot of metaphorical filling so it's not that poetic but eh Idc bc ✨ self indulgence ✨

──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────

Once upon a time, Miya Osamu swore that he would never settle for second place again— He was never going to let another Miya score first place while he stood in the shadows. The twins had split paths after graduation, stepping onto stages where they'd never have to compete against each other for the spotlight again.

... Okay, who was he kidding. He'd be compared to Atsumu for his whole life— It wasn't like a different career would change that. Besides, his aunts were way too bored to not spin up something about him and his brother during family gatherings.

"Atsumu's making more money, isn't he?"

Well duh, he was a professional volleyball player, of course he made more money— Osamu wanted to roll his eyes in front of his aunts to make sure they understood that he heard their hushed whispers— But then again, he was an adult now, and he knew better than to stoop that low.

The comforting grip you had on his wrist also helped.

Things did get slightly better for him, though.

"Atsumu, your brother's already married," Osamu overheard his second aunt say to his twin during his wedding reception, "When are you going to settle down?"

The grey-haired Miya couldn't help but have a grin on his face for the entire night. Granted, the fact there was a silver ring on your finger also helped. You were absolutely radiant that night, and Osamu couldn't have been happier to finally be able to introduce you as his spouse.

Osamu's marriage did tilt more pressure towards his twin's way, because not more than half a year later, Atsumu caved in and found a sweet little thing to share his life with. The setter had had a couple flings here and there in his earlier years— But none of them ever lasted that long, and Atsumu had never introduced them to his brother, which is how Osamu knew that his twin really cared about the girl when the golden-haired man visited Onigiri Miya with her hanging on his arms.

If he didn't have the decency to help his brother maintain a good image, Osamu would've straight-up snorted at how tense his twin was when he served onigiri up onto their table, the shop empty with the exception of one table. It was almost like Atsumu was seeking Osamu's approval— Which was hilarious enough without the fact that the setter was nervous about it.

At the end of the night, it was as if the weight of the world was lifted off Atsumu's shoulders. Kaoru— The name of Osamu's potential sister-in-law— Got along wonderfully with you, who kept the shy-but-bright woman entertained as Osamu dragged his twin into the kitchen to make fun of him.

"Oh, go easy on him," You elbowed him lightly as the two of you closed up the shop for the night, wiping down the tables and tucking the chairs in. "Atsumu genuinely cares about her, he's making an effort!"

Osamu let out the snort he had held in for most of the evening. "I wouldn't be his brother if I didn't make fun of him."

"Boys." You muttered, just loud enough for him to hear. You had been around to catch the tail-end of some of Atsumu's previous relationships, so you could tell that Kaoru was different; In a way, Atsumu looked at her the same way Osamu eyed a nice piece of mackerel in the grocery shop.

"I heard that! C'mere," Osamu grinned, tackling you from the back. A smile burst across his lips when a giggle erupted from your lips, a cloth rag smacking him in the face when you tried to wriggle away from his hold. "You aren't getting away, pumpkin. Save your energy for later."

He wriggled his eyebrows suggestively, yelping when he was smacked with the rag again.

"There won't be a later if you keep that up." You warned, laughing when horror instantly swept over his expression. His protests echoed in your ears as you thought about how this marriage was something you'd never regret. Yes, it was rough because his business took off on a rocky road, but you knew there was no gain without pain, so you hung on and saw him through to the fruits of his labour.

──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────

The next family meeting was graced with the presence of Kaoru, who, in turn, had been graced with your advice.

"Dress decently, do not wear black," You had warned her the night before on the phone, grimacing at the memory of your first Miya family dinner. No one had aunts more judgemental than the Miya twins. "I would suggest going with a dress. Oh, and it might help to bring a gift. A bottle of Ginseng Wine might be a good idea."

"We're here," Osamu parked the car outside the family home, subconsciously wincing at the sight of his aunts' vehicles. "... Ah. They’re here."

"I see they turned up early," You grimaced, "Atsumu and Kaoru-chan are going to have a brilliant night."

"Yup." Your husband grinned slightly at that, earning a smack for smiling at his brother's suffering. "Oh, he'll be fine. We'll mention that when Atsumu really needs saving." The wink he sent your way made your stomach butterflies flutter, but the warm touch of his fingers on your hand made them settle. "We'll be fine," Osamu's eyes softened as he met yours, reassuring you. "You've got me, remember? Worst case scenario, we'll just high-tail out of there and say we need to work tomorrow."

"Right," You released a breath of relief, interlocking your fingers with his. "Ready?"

"To see Atsumu suffer?" Osamu quipped. "Hell yeah."

And suffer did Atsumu. Kaoru wasn’t spared (of course she wasn’t—) and was judged from head-to-toe by the Miya's critical aunts. From the way they were eyeing her, you'd think they were the judges of Miss Universe instead of potential aunt-in-laws. Despite that, Kaoru braved the storm and stood strong through the whole night, her resilience shining with her determination to be with the other Miya twin— Osamu nodded his approval at that.

After dinner, the family gathered in the living room, with the elderly seated on the cushioned couches while the twins were squashed together on a bean bag (that you had to convince them to share, because apparently they were adamant about pushing the other off of it). Kaoru and you managed to snag a small corner of a couch, stifling your laughter at the sour faces of your respective significant others.

"So, Kaoru-san," Four heads collectively flinched when the aunt opened her mouth, "What's your job? Yearly salary?"

"Um, I'm... I'm a newspaper editor," Kaoru fidgeted with the strap of her bag while you resisted the urge to snap at her to look as confident as she could if she didn't want the interrogation to go on for the rest of the night. A shy, nervous thing like her would only make the predator's lick their lips at the sight of easy prey.

"Oh! That makes sense," The woman sneered, Osamu's mother not-so-discreetly turning up the volume of the television in hopes that the conversation would be drowned out. "You definitely dress with the salary of an editor."

Offence flashed across Atsumu's face like lightning, but before he could start a fight to defend his girlfriend's honour, Osamu dragged his brother back onto the bean bag and stood up.

"Excuse me, everyone," Osamu put on his practiced customer-service smile flawlessly, capturing everyone's attention instantly. "Y/N and I have an announcement to make." His eyes met yours, and you nodded, a smile waltzing across your lips.

"Mother, father," You begin, addressing your in-laws like you addressed your own parents. Encouragement swirled in your blood as Osamu interlocked your hands and squeezed your fingers. "You're going to be grandparents."

It took a while for the news to kick in.

"Oh, that's wonderful!" Osamu's mother cried out, rushing to envelop you in a hug that you gracefully accepted. "Do you know the gender yet?"

"Of course not, mother." Osamu rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "We're not that far along yet."

"That's amazing! Congratulations!" Kaoru beamed brightly, not having picked up on Osamu's timely intervention.

"Thank you." You replied warmly.

"Well then, are you going to stop working?" The first aunt shot at you, smirking, coy as ever. She knew that you weren't the type to drop your job just because of an incoming child.

"Of course not." You replied easily, "What kind of spouse would I be if I couldn't help carry the financial burdens with my husband?"

She shut her trap instantly, huffing in fury. Osamu had never looked prouder.

The family rejoiced for a little longer, and from the tip of your ears, you heard Osamu gloating slightly about having reached another milestone earlier than his brother.

"I love you," Your husband murmured into the crook of your neck as the two of you cuddled in the warmth of your bed, too far for his aunts' sharp words to hurt you. "And our little boy in there.”

“How do you know it’s a boy?”

“... Father’s instinct.”

Months flew by in a blur, and so did doctor appointments, Sunday shopping trips with Kaoru as you left Atsumu to help Osamu in the restaurant. The pair would drive the half-an-hour trip from Osaka to Hyogo every weekend. This arrangement elicited a couple silly arguments between the twins, of course, but once you taught Kaoru the stern look that would make the two settle like guilty puppies with their tails between their legs— Those arguments became simple matters to handle.

“Have you thought of names yet?” Kaoru asked you while the two of you sipped on coffee.

“I have a couple in mind,” You smiled. “Osamu won’t stop going on about how he was right. The baby’s a boy.”

“Boys will be boys,” Kaoru rolled her eyes. Then, her expression changed to a wistful one. “This might sound odd, but… I just find myself thinking, sometimes… One day, I want what you and Osamu have.”

“... A happy marriage?” You raised an eyebrow, “Honey, you’re already on your way to one. Atsumu looks at you the same way ‘Samu looks at a bowl of gyudon. Or the way I look at a bucket of mint ice cream with peanut butter…”

Kaoru made a concerned look. “The baby sure craves some odd things.”

“You’ll experience this one day.” You returned pointedly. “Logically, I never would’ve thought of eating mint chocolate ice cream with peanut butter slathered on… But cravings are cravings. And it was surprisingly nice.”

──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────

After nine long months of waiting, Miya Tomohito was welcomed to the world. Osamu cried (Atsumu made fun of him for it before getting smacked by Kaoru— She was learning a lot from you). Both yours and Osamu’s parents wouldn’t stop gawking at your baby boy, with his little tuff of dark hair, his tightly-fisted hands and the slight cherry-red flush of his cheeks. You never thought you’d fall in love at first sight— But your son was living proof that you were wrong. From the first moment you held him in your arms, you had already given a piece of your heart for him to hold in his tiny little hands.

It quickly became a regular sight for frequent customers of Onigiri Miya to see Osamu walking around the shop, a sleeping baby boy strapped to his back. The two were inseparable. Once, you walked in on your husband having a full conversation with Tomohito, who was sucking on a spoon.

“I’m thinking of adding a twist to my tuna onigiri recipe,” Osamu said, as if he were talking to an adult and not a three-month old baby. “Do you think adding a squeeze of lemon juice will make it taste better?”

“Gwa.” Tomohito replied intelligently.

“Great suggestion, Tomo.”

“Mmm.”

“I see. We could go to the grocery store later to get some tuna and try that recipe tonight.”

“Ba.”

“You’re a genius, Tomo.”

──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────

“I can’t believe you.” Osamu looked helpless. “You’re not… You’re not seriously doing this to me.”

“I’m completely serious.” You said firmly, having put your foot down with no room for argument.

“You’re really choosing him over me?” Your husband’s jaw dropped when you nodded solemnly. “I’m your husband!”

“And he’s my son.” You shot back instantly.

“You’re kicking me out of our bed for our son?”

“He’s sick!” You refuted. “I need him to be as close as possible to me. His fever hasn’t gone down completely yet and I can’t let him go back into his cot tonight. Besides, you might get sick if we all sleep in the same bed. Who’ll take care of the shop then?”

Osamu drooped visibly. He couldn’t believe what was happening— He had lost to a Miya once again— Now his son instead of his brother. “Fine.” He mumbled sadly. “Make your poor husband sleep on the couch.”

“It’s only for one night, ‘Samu.”

──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────

Tomohito's name is written as 智仁. '智' means intelligence and '仁' means compassionate. I have a friend named Tomohito.

Also, when I was writing this I reminded myself to make sure I made the reader gender-neutral. That is, until I realised that I made the reader pregnant. I am an idiot.

haikyuu!! gen taglist: @haru-senji @hikari-writes @whootwhoot @folkloeren @definitely-yours @rirk-ke @animegirlweeb @cemeiia @haikyuushuffle

[moonlit-han]

nxt 2 u: mornings with stray kids ↠ all members

genre: imagine/reaction, fluff, domestic bliss, established relationship au word count: 3k warnings: highly suggestive, 18+ themes, swearing request: yes but also no? a/n: femme-leaning reader~

✧ masterlist & tag list info in bio ✧

↠↞

bang chan

you roll over at the sound of chan mumbling in his sleep

he kinda wakes up

just a little blearily

and gives you this huge smile (♡‿♡)

bc you're actually there, the love of his life

and he still can't believe he's lucky enough to wake up beside you every day

so you snuggle closer and kiss his nose

then his eyelids

and finally his mouth so gently

channie just curls more tightly to you and pulls you to his chest

his hair is all tousled in the cutest way

like one part of it is sticking up like a lil cat ear (or wolf ear, since it's chan)

and you kinda just melt when you notice it

you can’t resist combing your fingers through his hair

when he finally wakes up

chan peppers your face with kisses, 

carefully sliding on top of you

to then slowly, so slowly kiss you

his hands travel all over you, slipping under the old t-shirt of his you’re wearing

and soon you’re wriggling under him, wanting more (*/ω＼)

so chan works what seems like magic with his hands and/or mouth

until your toes are curl and you feel like you’re going to burst

but chan just grins and rolls off the bed

leaving you gasping and mildly grumpy ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

but you still get up to make blueberry pancakes

bc it’s saturday and that means blueberry pancakes  ( ｀^´ )ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

so you’re standing at the counter, combining the ingredients and waiting for the griddle to heat up

chan comes in after taking a shower

and is so overcome with tenderness at how sweet you look

just standing there in the kitchen,

still in his t-shirt and your underpants

so he wraps his arms around you from behind

and presses himself against you, teasing again a little

he nuzzles your neck, just begging for kisses

so soon, the stove is turned off and breakfast almost forgotten

as you stumble, giggling, back into the bedroom to cuddle and kiss more

and when you’re just about falling asleep

bc who needs to be awake on a saturday morning?! ┐(︶▽︶)┌

chan looks just as adorable and soft as he did earlier in the day

and you let him curl into your arms again

as you hold him and kiss the top of his head

adfghakldfhg he's just the sweetest floofkins (*´▽`*)

lee minho

i know i’ve compared minho to a cat before

but hear me out

minho in the mornings is mildly hilarious

bc even if he’s completely curled into a ball when he falls asleep

or spooning you sweetly

or whatever other fascinating position you fall asleep in together

he ends up stretched out

with at least one arm and one leg thrown over you

snoring softly

just. like. a. cat.

and you often find yourself unable to move

bc minho’s surprisingly heavy when he’s asleep

complete deadweight (╥ᆺ╥；)

but as soon as you brush the little stray hairs from his forehead

and kiss his shoulder

he stirs and groans a little, just settling deeper into the mattress

….which means more snugly onto you

heCk (￢_￢;)

so you wriggle around a little more

and finally manage to get your leg free from underneath of minho’s

as usual, you climb on top of minho and sit squarely on top of him

………

and start tickling him (≧◡≦)

THAT definitely wakes minho up

his lips poke out a little in a pout, all of their own accord

but he can’t really do anything about the fact that you’re tickling him

bc you’re sitting right on his hips, pinning him to the bed

the ~intimacy~ of the position, despite the fact that you’re tickling him, is not lost on either of you

and, being the little shit that he is, minho bucks his hips up once or twice

you just give him a mock glare and say “bad kitty”

before tickling him with renewed enthusiasm

(not to mention giving him little kisses on the neck and teasing ones on the ear)

once his ribs start to hurt from laughing,

minho just pulls you into a deep kiss

and you both relax

you love how sweet he is in the morning

nothing is hurried nor desperate

bc all minho wants to do is softly show you how much he loves you

you share little, soft touches that nonetheless feel like the most important things in the world

seo changbin

changbin’s arms around you is the best thing in the world

you’re barely awake and everything is blissful softness

if your feelings and the atmosphere could be described as a color,

it would be peach~

golden and warm, with just a hint of sweetness ;)

you snuggle into changbin’s chest, nestling your hips more closely with his

and you get a little kiss on the head

changbin is calm and cuddly in the mornings

and all he wants to do is hold you

sometimes you’ll end up with him closer than skin-to-skin

but it’s honestly more for comfort than anything else

how can he resist yet another way to be closer to you and cozy?

after awhile, you turn over slightly and kiss the underside of his chin

he giggle softly

……he’s a bit like totoro:

comfy

definitely a little magical

((yes, i’m still on my “changbin is a shapeshifting crow” agenda))

and just A Good BeanTM

(♡‿♡) (♡‿♡) (♡‿♡)

you scoot up onto the pillow a bit so you’re face-to-face

changbin just murmurs “hey baby” and gives you a lil kiss on the lips

his lips are so soft you feel like you’re going to melt

he makes sure to pull the blankets back over your shoulders so you aren’t cold

and he rubs your back in slow circles

tension you didn’t even know you were holding releases under his touch

and changbin’s hand drifts to your hip to hold you to him

you tangle your legs together

and he somehow pulls you closer

you’re really not sure how he manages it

but changbin can hold you and cuddle you so closely that you feel like you’re going to merge into one person

there’s nothing sexy about it or anything

it’s just that the warm, safe feeling you get is so amazing

neither of you are anywhere near fully awake

and drift in and out of sleep, sometimes shifting to a more comfortable position

when you finally wake, changbin is still sleeping soundly

you take the opportunity to stare at him

his hair is mussed (a bit wildly)

and he has the first little bits of stubble coming down from his sideburns

a little smile adorns his mouth, as if he’s dreaming about something lovely

((you. he’s dreaming about you :3 ))

you slip your arm up to stroke changbin’s face

your thumb passes over the rounded plane of his cheekbone

and, even in sleep, he leans into your touch

after a few more moments, you lightly kiss him awake

hwang hyunjin

you’d expect hyunjin to be a complete mess in the mornings

but he’s not

he’s actually organized

oh and since his hair can get aaaaaall over the place

he always makes sure to braid it out of the way at night

so in the mornings, little wisps of hair stick out from their appointed places

one of your morning habits is to delicately tuck those wisps of hair back into place

on the weekends, hyunjin is

so! excited!! to!!! cuddle!!!! you!!!!! ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆

and loves kinda pouncing on you as soon as your eyes open

kisses you all over

and rolls the two of you around on the bed

and he’s just holding your hips the entire time, rubbing small circles into them

as he kisses you so damn sweetly

alkdfhgskdjfh

and if you playfully nip at his bottom lip?

he’ll just do it right back

your rolling around has turned into more too many times for you to count

and honestly, it’s kinda the best

so sweet and slow

like you’re the most precious jewel in the world

he  t a k e s  h i s  s w e e t  t i m e (￣～￣ )

and sometimes all you can do is hold on to the sheets for dear life

unless you’re supposed to meet your parents at 11 a.m.

in which case, you’d better be ready

gotta go fast, as they say~ (⊙‿⊙✿)  

but even then, mornings with hyunjin are still sweeter than caramel

his normally plump lips are even more so when he’s just woken up

and the way he squints his eyes against the sun?

that’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen

sometimes he’s just calm in the mornings

and you lay your head on his chest

and listen to his heartbeat

as hyunjin strokes your hair and gives you a little neck massage

it’s so peaceful and you wouldn’t trade snuggling with hyunjin for the world

han jisung

does not want to get out of bed

nope

no fucking thank you ＼＼\٩(๑`^´๑)۶//／／

there really should be a sign on his door or bed like

WARNING: Do Not Try to Remove Squirrel from Natural Habitat!!!!!

secondary warning: squirrel may bite if forcibly removed from natural habitat

he will cling to you better than an octopus

alkjdhgadlkfjghadfkgjl

jisung nuzzles into your neck like there’s no tomorrow

and the loose strands of hair falling around his face tickle your skin a little

instead of kissing your neck over and over,

jisung just kinda pouts and keeps his lips lightly against your skin

it’s really sweet hhhhhh (o´▽`o)

if he’s ~ in the mood ~ be prepared for WhiningTM

and for your pajamas to disappear faster than chan’s ears turn red when he’s embarrassed

is it gonna be fast? slow? who knows! (・_・ )

let the fates decide and just go with it

bc either way, you’re going to need to change the sheets and take a shower

you may also find yourself turned into a burrito one morning

bc jisung loves all the blankets

and thinks you’re cute as hell all rolled up in them

…..like a burrito ｡･ﾟ(ﾟ⊃ω⊂ﾟ)ﾟ･｡

and he will immediately lay down on top of you, the burrito, and begin to munch

and by munch i mean kiss you so thoroughly you’ll barely remember your name

he only gets like that if he’s been awake for at least an hour

hhhhhhhh

so when he first opens his eyes, rubbing his face a little and yawning

his first inclination is to make sure you’re still there

and then he just snuggles closer, kinda tucking his head under your chin or on your shoulder

as you also wake up, you make sure to kiss his forehead and tell him you love him

it’s a little ritual almost~

you’d both miss it if you didn’t do that

and you just shift a bit so you can hold jisung even tighter,

threading your fingers through his hair

and kissing the tips of his ears, as if they have little points

you lay there together, just enjoying the warmth of not one, not two, not three, but four comfy blankets and each other

until jisung’s a bit more awake

his hair is so messy when he finally sits up

and his lips are a little dry and swollen from sleep

when he finally speaks, his voice is super husky and deeper than usual

and, frankly, you think it’s the hottest thing ever

when you’re together, he usually doesn’t wear a shirt to sleep, either

so in the morning you’re just blessed with the sight of a shirtless jisung

whose voice is at least half an octave lower and slightly gravelly

it’s just;;;

alkfhgalkdjfhgldkjfsjfhks

invariably, you end up pulling him right back down next to you and booping his nose

then kissing him

a lot

and, sometimes, you don’t get out of bed until noon

because why would you when it’s safe inside the blankets? (⌒▽⌒)♡

lee felix

wraps arms and legs (anything else he can manage but idk what) around you

bc damn it you’re there with him and you’re gonna be close!!!!

the cuddliest in the morning

but then again….will gladly wriggle down to the foot of the bed

and make you a scream

felix: softly, y/n!! don’t wake the neighbors!

y/n: how am i… supposed to- Fuck! stay quiet when you- damn it, ’lix… keep doing that!!?

*giggles from felix* (≧◡≦)

but most importantly

he literally just wants to hold you

and enjoys making you laugh by rumbling his voice in his chest

after all, it’s considerably easier to do first thing in the morning

and is quite proud of the fact that his voice is deeper in the mornings

yawns kinda loudly????

but does that slow eye and nose scrunch he does

to clear the sleep from his eyes a little

it’s the cutest thing ever

also learned the “make my significant other into a burrito” trick from jisung (-_-;)

so now you’re a burrito practically every single morning

there’s actually something comforting about being swaddled

and also like jisung

(((dear god they must share notes akhfskdhj)))

he flops down on top of you to cuddle the living daylights out of you

felix will give you all the gentle kisses in the world

definitely sings that frank sinatra song “fly me to the moon” to wake you up

before kissing each of your fingers, your palm, your wrist, and all the way up your arm before finally

finally

reaching your lips

and he just murmurs sweet nothings to you

as he kisses you every way and everywhere he knows how

felix likes to lay beside with you, hands laced together

and talk about what you’ll do together that day

bc there’s so much he wants to do with you (*¯ ³¯*)♡

and show you and cook for you

and he’s just so full of love

that he ends up bounding out of bed

and pulling you with him, even if you’re both still half-asleep

just so you can start your day together

although, you usually have to stop him from running out the door still in his pajamas

with the cutest bedhead ever

a small part of you wants to see what would happen if he went out like that

but then again…

you also want to be the only one who sees felix in such an utterly free state of being

kim seungmin

seungmin is extremely soft in the mornings

he really likes to just hold you to his chest with his cheek pressed against the top of your head

kisses your temple from time to time

and just holds you on top of him, hand pressed to the small of your back

he likes to tell you about the previous day when you’re just laying there together

and sometimes doesn’t mind if you fall back asleep while he’s talking

he actually finds it rather cute

seungmin likes to spoil you in the mornings

whatever that means to you

either food

(he’ll make you an amazing breakfast

like absolutely everything you could ever want

and probably more)

or ~ love ~

(…maybe, if you make a good case for it

does not take these things lightly (￣ヘ￣) )

or giving you a massage

whatever

you do like massages tho

and seungmin’s particularly good at them

he makes sure to get lotion or body oil

and that his hands are warm

bc no one likes a massage from someone with cold hands

then just methodically massages your back

he secretly likes the little noises you make when the tension releases from your muscles (✿´ ꒳ ` )

sometimes massages turn into making love

but usually not~

mornings are for slow relaxation

no raising of heartbeats or anything else

seungmin also likes to plan out days while still cuddling in bed

and grudgingly allows you to tease him

about his bedhead

or his bleary-eyed looks at you before he’s fully awake ╥﹏╥

or how he just wouldn’t move no matter what you did during the night

it was really quite amazing

..................

seungmin tends to mumble a lot in the mornings

it’s one of the few times he’ll snuggle into you

instead of holding you

he’ll just mumble incoherently

and you’ll be just falling asleep again

when he starts talking perfectly clearly about how much he loves you

you listen, trying to memorize exactly what he says

bc there’s absolutely nothing to distract him or filter the words

and he’s just…. talking

seungmin’s voice first thing in the morning is, of course, a bit lower from sleep

and you find it unbearably attractive

especially when he’s telling you he loves you (*/ω＼)｡ｏ♡

yang jeongin

kinda just slips his arm around your shoulder

kisses the top of your head

and murmurs “good morning sweetie”

before getting up quickly to brush his teeth

bc dear gods he just wants to feel clean;;;;

but!!

once he’s back, it’s time for sooooo many cuddles ( ◡‿◡ ♡)

you hadn’t necessarily fully enjoyed the experience of breakfast in bed

until you met jeongin

then, breakfast in bed on the weekends became normal!

and sometimes you’d even watch a show together

and cuddle and cuddle and cuddle and cuddle

when he started working out more, you were really excited

bc it meant more squish for you to cuddle on

ajdfgsdkjfhgaklj

he’s very playful in the mornings

and, like with minho, there ends up being lots of tickling

although, with jeongin, he’s doing the tickling

he’s in love with your giggle(*♡∀♡)(*♡∀♡)

and takes every opportunity to make you laugh just so he can hear it

jeongin is the poutiest in the mornings

like if you thought jisung can pout?

then…

well, no. jisung still wins the pouting contest

but jeongin comes in a close second!!!

but not even pouting to get something or get his way

just cutely pouting for the sake of looking cute (◕‿◕✿)

alkdhgsdfkjghal

and he just squishes you so tightly to his chest

you sometimes have to remind him that

in a perfect world

you’d like to breathe

one morning when you were being squeezed

so affectionately you didn’t even know what to do

you decided to kiss his collarbones

and it was all over from there

jeongin  m e l t s  if you kiss his collarbones

and if you kiss along them,

everything in his world is even better

but then if you decide to get inventive

and maybe take a lil soft nibble or lick?

it’s all over (⌒_⌒;)

he just gets so overwhelmed with love

and tenderness hhhhh

and sighs like a dramatic Victorian lady

the moment you start

therefore:

you are so not leaving that bed for at least another two hours

jeongin likes to make sure you’re nice and comfy

at all times

when in bed bc, just like his friends have taught him:

he will treat you like an angel.｡ｏ♡

[enthusiasticharry]

The Secrets You Keep

summary: you're a stripper, and you meet Harry off shift. what happens when he finds out?

request: hiiii would you be able to do something like stripper y/n? not where they meet at the club or anything but something natural like at a cafe or something but she keeps it from him bc she thinks he’ll leave her? then he has a guys night at the strip club and sees her perform? but he loves it and she’s a bit embarrassed? idk but that kinda vibe if ur up for it! X

word count: 8.3k words of fluff, smut and angst if you squint (and i really mean squint) also not proofread, sorry! 

masterlist    |    asks

It never occurred to you that once you left full time education you’d end up becoming a stripper. It wasn’t the occupation you had envisioned for yourself, but it was the one that paid the best money and even though it shouldn’t be — money was the thing that you needed the most. You lived in a small, one bedroom flat that you shared with your Grandma who had no income and little pension meaning that you was the only source of income for the two of you. Obviously it was hard upon you, but your Grandma had done so much for you when you were younger that you wanted to help her as much as you possibly could. Granted, finding a job as an eighteen year old that was enough to help pay the bills and for the treatment your Grandmother needed wasn’t the easiest, and that was how you stumbled across the club and the jobs there. Your Grandma didn’t know how you received your income, and you planned to keep it that way for as long as you physically could. 

“Have you got any private dances today?” Jocelyn, also known as Sapphire amongst the people in the club, asked as she started fixing her makeup in the mirror next to yours. 

“I don’t know.” You sighed, spraying a small amount of hairspray upon your curls, “I haven’t spoken to Elliot yet.” 

“Apparently some big shot businessmen are coming in tomorrow.” Ruby adds from the other side of you, applying a lipstick that matched her name to her lips. 

“Ugh.” Sapphire groaned, “That means old men with small dicks wanking to us instead of being with their probably very lovely, loving wives at home.” 

“They lust after the taboo.” You add, applying a small amount of lipgloss to your lips, “They want what they can’t have, and brag when they get it.” 

“They have money though.” Ruby shrugged, “Haven’t had many tips this week. I’d probably do anything for a couple hundred quid tomorrow.” 

“Not anything Ruby.” You turn to look at her, shaking your head at the younger girl, “Stand your ground. Don’t let them take advantage of you.” 

“I won’t.” She smiled, “I learnt from the best.” 

“And don’t you forget it.” 

As a fresh eighteen year old, just as Ruby was now, you could’ve only hoped for someone to help you and guide you through the trails and tribulations you endured at the club. That’s why you sort of took the younger girl under your wing and helped her as much as possible. 

It wasn’t a lot. Granted, with what they did the majority of it was on their own upon the stage or in a private dance but you wanted to make sure she had small tips to help her handle herself in any situation that could occur and that she someone to talk to if she ever needed it. 

“Are you working tomorrow, Emerald?” Emerald was your stage name. 

“No.” You sigh happily, “It’s my day off.” 

“Enjoy yourself, you deserve it.” Ruby smiled. 

You certainly did. 

The next morning, after helping your Grandma get ready and to the hospital, you make your way towards the small café you usually went to during your Grandmother’s chemo sessions. They usually lasted around three hours, and whilst you offered to stay with her, she usually forced you to leave and spend some time on your own, claiming she didn’t want you to see her at her worst.

The spring days had just started to warm up, so you dressed yourself in a summer dress you had picked up for cheap at a charity shop. You carried your tote bag with your book in over your shoulder as you pushed past the people on the street.

It wasn’t usually this busy, and looking around you saw no free tables but a few free chairs dotted around. Your favourite table, tucked away in the far right corner by the window had been taken by a man sat reading, just as you would’ve been. You toy back and forth with the idea of going to sit over there as you walk over to the counter. 

You order your usual, a peach iced tea, and wait for the kind barista to make it. Your free days, usually, landed sporadically. They normally occurred when your grandmother either had chemo or a hospital appointment and that’s only because she can sometimes be really ill after them and needed you to look after her. Even though Elliot was not a good person by any means, he understood your situation and did help as little as he could. 

“Excuse me.” The man looked up from this book at you, “Is this seat taken?” 

“Uh. . .” 

“It’s fine if it’s not!” Your quick to add, “There’s just no other seats.” 

“No.” Your smile falters, “No! I mean that the seats not taken. It’s yours.” 

“Thank you.” You drop your tote bag down on the floor, holding your hand out to the man, “I’m YN.” 

“Harry.” He shakes your outstretched hand. 

There was something oddly familiar about him, but you couldn’t quite place your finger on why. He dressed quite casually, a punny t-shirt that said something about health on it and you didn’t want to seem too weird and bend down to look at what he had on his bottom half but you suspected it was something just as interesting. 

You take your book out of your bag and place it on the table in front of you, flicking through the pages until you found the page you had left off at. 

As a child you loved to read. Your grandmother always read you a bedtime story before bed and it lead to English being your best subject at school. Whether it be the creative writing aspect, or the analytic — you were just good at it. It was your highest grade at GCSE, an A, and your highest grade at A Level, a B.

You didn’t exchange any more words with Harry the entire time you were there. Periodically you looked up at him, and somewhere deep down you hoped that he did the same for you but you couldn’t be too sure. The book that he was reading seemed interesting enough, something about watermelon, you had noticed. You had a slight suspicion that it wasn’t about watermelon but you could never be too sure you supposed. 

A whine almost escaped your lips when you realised that you had to go pick up your Grandmother and your book had just gotten interesting. That was the problem when you read, you could sit and do it for hours and not even look up. It was something so interesting to you that you could immerse yourself in a world different to the one you lived in and slip out of reality for however long and return back to normal as though nothing had happened. 

“Thank you for letting me sit here.” You smile as you pack your bag up, “Goodbye.” 

“Bye.” 

You left feeling sort of fuzzy inside. You hadn’t spoken to the man at all really, but he was kind and certainly handsome with his tousled brown hair and gentle smile. That was probably going to be the last time that you saw him, and you probably should’ve asked for his number at least but you didn’t and that was why you walked away with him laying heavy upon your mind.

The next day, you wanted nothing more than to leave in the middle of your shift and curl up on the sofa. Instead, you were stood in a private room in the back of the club swirling your hips for a man sat upon a chair in the middle. 

“You’re fucking fit.” He moans, and you almost throw up in your mouth. 

“Thank you.” 

You move yourself so you’re hovered over his lap, twisting your hips to beat of the sultry song spilling out of the speakers. If you didn’t need the money, or have a bills to pay you certainly wouldn’t be doing this. 

“Fucking sort.” That’s when his hand drops down upon your behind, squeezing the flesh harshly. 

You stand up, flipping around so that you’re looking at him, “Hands off.” 

“Babe.” He throws his head back, “C’mon I’ve paid bags for this dance.” 

“And you pay for a dance, and the rules state no touching.” 

He holds his hands up in surrender, “I’m sorry. Won’t happen again, babe.” 

“Better not.” 

It does, and that’s when you get up and leave. He still has to pay, which is a plus but it just isn’t the best feeling. The job you do isn’t one that people necessarily respect you for, but there are rules in place to help with that. You and the other dancers within the club were human beings and deserved the rights that any other person has. 

“You okay?” Ruby presses her hand to your shoulder as you powder your under-eyes, “I heard he was touching.” 

“Yeah.” You smile at her through the mirror, “Started behind and they he just full on groped me.” 

“Men are pigs.” 

“I second that statement.” You laugh, “But you know what they’ll say.” 

“That we teased and antagonised them to do it.”

Throwing her a deadpan look, you nod. It was something that you had dealt with for the past six years of your life and even though you did hate it and wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow you up every time it happened — you had gotten used to it. 

“Did you have a nice day off yesterday?” 

“I did thank you.” You smile, “Read a bit. Spent some time with my Grandma.” 

“Sounds lovely.” Her face then twists into one that you can’t quite pinpoint, “You didn’t miss much here.” 

“The businessmen not up too much?” 

“No they paid well.” She nodded, “We just had to watch them wank their micropenises at us.” 

You curl your nose up at the thought, “That sounds pleasant.” 

“Totally.” She snorts. 

“Emerald. Ruby.” Elliot sticks his head into the room, “Get your asses back out there.” 

Ruby rolls her eyes and you laugh. Your job certainly wasn’t your favourite but some of the people around you made it more pleasant.

Two weeks later you find yourself sat in the corner of the café down the road from the hospital, your book open in front of you and a peppermint tea sat upon the table in a pot. Your Grandmother’s second round of chemo was slowly coming to the end of its stint and even though you wanted nothing more than for her to be back to the epitome of health, you would miss spending time at this small café. 

“Hi.” You lift your head up to see Harry stood there, slightly breathless, “Is this seat taken?” 

“It’s yours.” You smile, watching him drop his book on the table.

This time you could see his entire outfit. A white t-shirt with some writing on that you missed, a floral shirt over the top paired with red corduroy flares. You were right the last time that you met him —he did have an amazing sense of style. You, however, bought whatever was the cheapest or on sale that seemed acceptable to wear in public. 

“How have you been?” 

“I’ve been okay.” You smile, “You?” 

“Good, thanks.” He scratches the base of his neck, “I haven’t seen you in a while.” 

“Oh.” You have to stop yourself from smiling too much, “I only come when my Grandma has an appointment and they’re usually two weeks apart.” 

“Ah.” He nods before his face curls, “I’m sorry if that seemed creepy.” 

“It didn’t.” You can’t help the butterflies that erupt within your stomach, “I just thought I wouldn’t see you again.” 

“Couldn’t let that happen.” Heat rises up your neck as he beams.

“No complaints about that from me.” 

“That’s good.” He rests his hand upon his chest, letting out a deep breath, “Thought I was punching a little over my weight.” 

“You’re not.” You cheeks hurt from smiling, “It’s cute.” 

He looks down at his book. He seemed so shy, as though he had a confidence to talk to people but once they complimented him or something to do with him it completely changed. It was intriguing. He was already nicer to you than most people you’ve met of the opposite sex in your life and you’re let to learn anything about him apart from the fact that he reads Bukowski and likes black coffee — it certainly wasn’t much to go on. 

“How long do we have until you have to go back to your Grandma?” 

“Not long.” You sigh sadly, “I’m sorry.” 

“No, I understand, it’s okay.” He flashes you a small smile, “Can I walk you back to the hospital?” 

You ponder his offer for a second, “Yeah. I’d like that.”

You walk back to the hospital brushing arms with one of the nicest people you’d ever met, and you couldn’t be happier. 

“Has your Grandma been having treatment for long?” 

“It’s her second round.” You explained, “They originally removed the tumour and it went away but it came back. They caught it quickly and she’s back in bay 11 for three hours every two weeks.” 

“I’m sorry.” He sighs, “That must’ve been tough.” 

You shrug, “She’s a fighter, I know she is.” 

“I don’t doubt she is.” He smiles, “She’s got an amazing granddaughter to stay alive for.” 

The walk to the hospital isn’t long enough in your opinion. You speak about a few things, and you learn he does music and that’s when you put two and two together and realise that he’s actually Harry Styles from One Direction. Harry wished he could’ve recorded your reaction when you realised. 

Harry had never met someone like you, and he had met a lot of people in his life. You were sweet, and kind and so gentle but also confident and held yourself in such a strong way that he couldn’t help but want to know you, the real you. 

“This is it.” You stop in front of the entrance closest to the chemo ward, “Thank you for walking me.” 

“It’s no problem.” He smiles, “I hope this doesn’t sound too weird, but can I get your number?” 

“Uh. . . yeah.” 

“Great.” He beams, “At least now I won’t have to hope you show up at the café.” 

You swear you felt your heart burst. 

During your shift a couple of weeks later, you don’t notice your phone light up a message. You actually don’t notice at all until you arrived home that night. You had already checked on your Grandma, who was sound asleep in bed, and that’s when you allowed yourself to drop down upon the sofa with a sigh. 

Seeing an unknown number pop up on your screen at first had confused you, but once you had looked further into it, your palms started sweating. 

Hi YN. It’s Harry. I know it’s been a while but I’ve been trying to figure out what to say. I hope you and your Grandma are well. 

Your heart starts to beat faster. The message you had awaited for weeks was here and you had no idea how to act, never mind what too reply back with. The only thing that spiralled around within your mind was that he had been thinking about you. 

In your head, you imagined him pacing around in his large house trying to figure out what to send you, just like they do in the movies. You at least hoped that was what he had been doing over the past couple of weeks. 

Hi Harry! It’s lovely to hear from you, sorry it’s late. I’m okay, Grandma’s getting there. How are you? 

You throw your phone down on the sofa next to you, trying not to giggle like you did as a schoolgirl whenever you were messaging boys. You nearly cried whenever you phone ran out of credit and you’d end up having to run to the store to get a top up in the morning with your spending money and explaining to them what had happened. You were thankful that your upgrade didn’t need that. 

I’m okay. Glad to hear about your Grandma. I know this is probably really weird and totally out of the blue, but are you free this weekend? I’m leaving next week for a little while and I really want to see you before I do. 

In your head, you ignore the end of the message about him leaving and focus on the fact that he wants to see you. Harry Styles wants to see you. You hoped it was a date, everything pointed it to be a date but you didn’t want get too ahead of yourself. 

You haven’t had a boyfriend since your first year of Sixth Form, and the first date you were going on since then was going to be with Harry Styles of all people. 

If you pull some strings, work an extra long shift on Saturday and please some of Elliot’s special clients — you may be able to get Friday night off. It was a maybe, but over the next two days you could make it a yes. You hoped that you could make it a yes. 

You’ve never, in your six years of working at the club, missed any of your shifts for anything other than your Grandma suddenly falling ill, and those were on rare occasions. You certainly deserved this day off.

I’ll have to check with my boss but I think I could do Friday night? If that’s not a problem for you. 

You have to bite your lip to stop yourself from internally freaking out. 

Sounds perfect. How about I pick you up at 8? 

You wince. It wasn’t as though your were embarrassed of where you lived because you weren’t. You’ve worked hard to be able to pay for the flat and everything in it but there was something about showing it to someone who you’ve only just met and had no intention of explaining your situation to wasn’t on the top of your priority list. 

Is there any chance I could meet you somewhere? 

Of course. Where do you fancy eating? Italian? Thai? 

Italian sounds good. 

Great. I’ll send you details over. 

Thank you :) 

See you then, YN. Sweet dreams. 

Night, Harry. 

You slept well that night. 

“I just don’t think I can spare you Friday.” Elliot sighs, “I’m sorry YN.” 

You have to stop yourself from wanting to cry. You don’t use up all your holiday days, and you work way more than you should or that you’re paid for but you don’t complain and you just get on with it. The one time you ask for a shift off, his stubborn ass says that he cant do it. 

“Please, Elliot.” You sign, tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear, “I just need this day off.” 

“And I need my best girl on the floor. Need the best of the best.” 

“There are plenty of other better girls than me working here.” 

He shakes his head, “You’re the favourite, YN. Need you to be there.” 

“Elliot.” You sigh, leaning forward in the uncomfortable seat you were sat in, “I’ve worked for you for six years and I’ve never asked for a day off like this before.” 

“Yeah but—”

“—and! I’ve never asked for a day off apart from going to the hospital and you know that.” 

“I couldn’t exactly say no to you—”

“I’ve worked every shift you’ve ever asked me to, covered for people when you need it.” 

“Stop it!” He holds his hand up to silence you, “Just shut up for a second.” 

You clamp your lips shut. If you didn’t need to stay on his good side to get Friday off you probably would’ve said something about how rude he was being. He’d always been rude, but he paid you and the rest of the girls so you all chose to ignore it. 

He ponders, and you know the cogs are turning within his brain as he scrolls through his laptop, typing a few things. He takes his glasses off his face and drops them dramatically down on the table in front of him. 

“Ruby will cover your shift.” 

You let out a sigh of relief, “Thank you!” 

“Don’t be thanking me too quickly.” He points his finger, “I need a favour from you.” 

“Anything. Well not anything.” 

“In a few weeks times there’s a big birthday party coming in.” He explains, “I need you to be the star of the show, do private dances and all the good things like that.” 

“Just that?” You ask, knowing that it could be a trap knowing Elliot’s track record. 

He nods, “Just that.” 

You look at him sceptically, “What’s the catch?” 

“No catch.” He holds his hands up, “A few big names are coming, that’s all. A list celebs that have asked to use the back exit.”

“That’s it?” 

“That’s it.” 

“Let me know the date and I’ll do it.” 

You stand up, happy that you’ve managed to get your shift tomorrow off and that you can go on the date you have been excited for since you met Harry and was introduced to the world with him in it. 

“Have fun at your thing Friday.” 

“Thank you. . .?” 

You don’t think you like Elliot being nice to you. 

Friday night rolled around quickly and you were thankful for that. After helping your Grandma with her own dinner and into bed, you start getting ready. You curl your hair, brushing it out until its in what looks like effortless waves but are actually quite hard waves to achieve. You do natural makeup, something completely different to makeup you usually wear in one of your shifts. You try to keep all of your features soft, different to how you usually look on a day to day basis. You dress in a long white polka-dotted maxi skirt, paired with a thin long-sleeved jumper that would keep you warm due to the ever changing British weather. 

You had done a little bit of research on the restaurant Harry had sent you the address for and learnt that it wasn’t the most expensive restaurant ever, but one that was way out of your price range. It meant that you had to dip into the fund that you keep for occasions where you need a little extra money or you will use in the future when you eventually move out and busy your own place. 

The tube was crammed, seeing as though it was a Friday night and the majority of people were either coming home from work and stating to go out for end of the week drinks. You knew that the club would start to become heaving as the night grew and a part of you was thankful that you didn’t have to work today, and you were given a small break from the hell that is working at a strip club. 

The restaurant, when you arrived, definitely looked fancier than it had online. The bar stood against the corner wall, the right hand side of the restaurant had booths covering the walls whilst stand alone tables scattered around the rest of the room.

You were surprised when you saw Harry, already sat at the booth in the far right corner. He lifted his hand up in an awkward sort of wave and you couldn’t help but beam at him. He had a shirt, an expensive looking white shirt with a yellow and blue jumper over the top. You hand felt so excited to see someone since when your Grandma went into hospital for her tumour being removed and you couldn’t see her for a few days. 

“YN.” He sighs, “Hi.” 

“Hi.” You smile, slipping into the booth across from him. 

“Was starting to think you wasn’t going to show up.” 

“I’m sorry.” You tuck your hair behind your ear, “I underestimated how bust the tube was going to be.” 

You can tell he wants to pry but instead he says, “It’s okay.” 

His nails were painted yellow, a few of them painted lilac as well. There was something so simple about his nails that you just loved, and if it wasn’t weird you probably would’ve stared at them for way too long for it to be acceptable. You knew he had tattoos, and you could see the cross on his hand and the the anchor peaking out from underneath his shirt and you wanted to see more. 

“I like your nails.” You smile, running your own fingers over your own nails underneath the table. 

“Thanks.” A blush creeps up his neck, “I did them last night. Sort of calmed me down, I was quite nervous.” 

“Nervous for what?” 

“This.” He nods, “I haven’t been as nervous for a date in a long time.” 

“You don’t have to be nervous.” 

In your twenty four years of living, you’ve never had someone say that they were nervous to see you. You’ve been nervous to see and do many things in your life and you hoped that somewhere along the line it would’ve been the same for somebody else and yourself but you had the slight suspicion that wasn’t the case. Hearing those words out loud, coming from someone who you’d never expect it too was special, and you were going to keep that for as long as you physically could. 

“I did.” He looks down at the table briefly, “I’ve never liked a girl as much as I like you before.” 

“You don’t really know me.” 

“I’d like to get to know you.” 

That’s what you do. For the rest of the date you don’t stop talking. Even though you’re starving and could eat your fist, it takes you the longest you’ve ever taken to eat your food because of how much you spend it talking. 

You’re just about to dig in to your desert when your body physically halts, “Why didn’t you want me to pick you up?” 

“I, uh, I—”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t what to! I know I can be pretty invasive sometimes.” 

“No, it’s fine!” You take a sip of your drink to swallow down the dryness within your throat, “I don’t live in the nicest building, or in the nicest area and I guess I was embarrassed.” 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed.” 

“But I was.” You drop your eyes to the plate in front of you, “I know I shouldn’t have been and that it was stupid but I just didn’t want you judge me before you truly knew me because of where I live.” 

“I hope you know now that I wouldn’t have done that.” 

“I do.” 

You let Harry drive you home. Even though you would never admit it to his face just yet, you really liked him. He was kind, sweet and funny and everything you could ever want in your person. You haven’t said this in a long time but you love the person you are around him and you wouldn’t change it for the world if you didn’t have to. 

He stops in the car park outside the building of flats you live in and you can tell he’s thinking deeply about something but you try to not concentrate on that too much. 

“I would invite you up.” You laugh, “But I don’t think the sofa in the middle of my Grandma’s flat whilst she snores in the next room is the most romantic.” 

He scrunches up his nose, “I can’t say that it is.” 

“I’m sorry.” You drop your head to look at your hands that are tested on your knees, “I really wish I could offer you something. Anything.”

“It’s okay, YN.” He uses his finger to move your head up so that you’re looking at him, “I don’t expect anything from you. I hope you know that.” 

“I know.” 

He hesitates for a moment, and you can feel the finger that was rested upon your chin move upwards so that its upon your cheek. You flicker your eyes closed and just mask in the feeling of his touch against your cheek. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asks. 

You eyes open as you nod your head, letting out a shaky breath at the sheer surprise you feel at his words.

“Want your words, darling.” 

“Please kiss me.”  

You close your eyes again and you feel his lips touch yours. It's light at first, but you can’t contain yourself and you end up pushing closer to him, relishing in the feeling of his lips upon yours. Your fingertips grip the collar of his shirt, trying to pull him closer without hurting himself too much on the centre console. Even though you both don’t want to, you pull away as you start to loose breath. 

“You okay?” Your chest heaves up and down as he speaks. 

“Never been better.” You sigh, resting your forehead against his. 

“Good.” 

You kiss again, this time its more passionate and you can’t help but let out a small whine as he pulls away. The smug look on his face after hearing that sound was enough to send your stomach doing flips. 

You really didn’t want to do this, but you had too: “I have to go.” 

“It’s okay.” He smiles, “I understand.” 

“Okay.” You reach for the door handle. 

“I have to go away for a bit.” He sighs, “I’m writing some music over in America but when I get back, do you want to maybe go on another date?” 

“I’d love to.” 

He presses one last kiss to your lips and you leave the car, muttering a small, “Bye.” 

You feel giddy. As though you’re sixteen again and just come back from your first date with your first boyfriend. It was something you hadn’t felt in a long time and in all honesty, you had no idea how to handle those feelings. You certainly wouldn’t admit that you screamed quietly into your pillow in excitement that night. 

You couldn’t wait for him to return home. 

Two weeks. Harry was away for two weeks and even though you had only kissed him once, twice if you actually count how many kisses there were, you missed him more than words could explain. You weren’t one to usually message first, so you did end up waiting until Harry had a spare moment to message you which wasn’t as often as you would’ve liked but you couldn’t complain. 

You almost felt as though you had been drip fed this new life with Harry in, only to have it taken away quicker than you could blink. It wasn’t forever, and that was probably the thing keeping you sane. This had all happened in such a short amount of time but you wouldn’t change it for the world. 

The only thing that limited how far you could take this was your job. 

Harry had obviously been curious and during a text conversation in the first week of his week being away — he asked what you did. After having a small freak out you decided to say that you worked in a bar. It was a small, white lie and you hated yourself for it but telling him that you were a stripper just didn’t feel like the best thing to do at that time. 

You just weren’t ready to tell him, and that was totally okay. 

Speaking of your work, tonight was the night of the big party that Elliot made sure you could come to. The club had held celebrity parties before, so you weren’t entirely nervous but every time someone mentioned it you could feel your heart speeding up slightly. 

“Emerald.” You turn to look at Elliot who’s trudging towards you, a bag in hand, “Here’s your new outfit for tonight.” 

“New? I thought I’d just wear the one for special occasions.” 

“This is a special, special occasion Emerald.” He dropped the bag down in front of you, “Wear this.” 

Taking the material out of the bag, your mouth dropped open at the sight of the emerald green lingerie in your hands. It was delicate lace that you feared you’d rip if you weren’t too careful. Putting it on, your breasts slightly spilled over the lace, and whilst your front was covered, the thong back of the lingerie left your ass on full display. It was beautiful, you couldn’t dismiss that but you just hadn’t ever worn something so skimpy before. You pulled your black silk robe over your shoulders, fastened your black heels onto your feet and made your way towards the side of the stage. 

The skimpiness of the new lingerie did send more butterflies to the pit of your stomach than you were originally hoping for but it was only another hurdle for you to get over which you knew you’d be able to do. 

You heard the music start to play, you slipped your hand through the gap in the curtain and opened it, revealing yourself to the room. 

Here goes nothing, you mumble to yourself. 

Harry’s jaw dropped at the sight of you on the stage. It certainly wasn’t his usual scene, a strip club, but it was a friend of a friends birthday and he had kindly been invited and he wasn’t about to turn it down. He wasn’t in the band anymore, and certainly didn’t have to hide that he went to places like this anymore, even though they weren’t his favourite. 

He couldn’t bare his eyes off of you. The way your body moved to the rhythm of the song, your darkly manicured nails pushed the robe of your shoulders, exposing the delicate lingerie you were wearing. Harry would be lying if he said that his cock didn’t start to stir at the sight. 

You. The girl who he thought spent her days reading, and looking after Grandma had a secret persona that he only wanted to explore more. 

“My word.” One of the men in the group spoke, loudly so that everyone could hear him, “She’s fit as fuck.” 

“To get my hands on her.” 

Harry clenches his jaw, and his fist that rested on the arm of his chair. If he wasn’t in a very public place where people could record him, he’d give that man a piece of his mind. He probably would but he’d do it when nobody was around so the man could truly understand what he was saying to him. 

“Do you think I could get a dance with her?” The birthday boy asked. 

“It’s your birthday.” The dickhead with no morals spoke, “She might give you something special as a present.” 

“The rules say no touching.” The words slip out of Harry’s mouth before he can stop them, “So I highly doubt that.” 

“I’m sure you’d be saying something different if you were in his position, Styles.” 

Harry rolled his eyes and focused his attention back on the stage, watching as you seductively bent down to pick up some of the tips that had been thrown on the bottom of the stage. The song was slowly finishing and Harry couldn’t help but feel a little bit of disappointment bubbling within him.

Harry watched your lean legs as you strutted towards the side of the stage, flicking the long wig on your head over your shoulder, seductively running your tongue over your bottom lip as you pulled the material of the lingerie down from your breasts. 

Harry bit his lip, his leg bounced, he ran his hand up and down his thigh. He tried to do everything in his power to distract himself from the rousing within his trousers but he just couldn’t do it. The flimsy material dropped to the floor, your red painted lips curled up into a smirk and you made your way behind the curtain, not showing any of your truly bare skin. 

If you hadn’t been imprinted on his brain before, you certainly were now.

You could hear the grunts and groans of happiness, and a few cheers whilst on stage but the lights were so bright that you couldn’t see anything past the first row or so. The tips you had received were good, and you were pleased about that. 

You received your robe and bra back from the stage and pulled them back onto your body. Your solo dance was always a hit for Elliot, and you supposed that was why he’s kept you on for so long and if you were honest, they were the easiest to do. Private dances always made you too uncomfortable, and in the six years you’ve worked there there had only been a handful of people that made you feel comfortable when it came to private dances. 

“Emerald.” Elliot walks in smiling and you assume everything is swell on the floor, “They fucking love you.” 

You nod your head, muttering a small and awkward, “Thank you.” 

He hums, “You’ve been requested for a private dance, and he’s promised to pay you accordingly.” 

“Really?” 

Another hum, “Room Two. I think he’s already there.” 

“Thanks.” 

He leaves the room, a bounce in his step. You suppose that this is a good thing and he’ll finally get off your back for the time you took off for the date with Harry. You at least hoped. 

You checked yourself. You made sure your makeup still looked flawless, your breasts sat perfectly within the material and your arse looked good. You brush through the wig once and make your way towards room two, the smaller of the three private dance rooms which helped it be more intimate. 

You smiled at the bouncer at the door, Gerry, a man who looked as though he could kill someone with a single punch but was actually a massive teddy bear. He was good at his job of keeping everyone safe and making sure that the bad eggs that came in left just as quickly. 

Watching the door slowly open, Harry felt his heart stop. He had been pacing up and down the room ever since he had walked in, and only just stopped when he heard the creek of the door. He couldn’t believe that you were in front of him, and you certainly couldn’t believe that he was in front of you either. 

“YN. . .” He sounded breathless. 

“Harry?” He could see your chest rising and falling at a quick pace, “What? How? I thought you were in America.” 

He scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, “I got back last night.” 

“Why are you here?” He can hear the lump in your throat as you speak, your eyes glossing over. 

“A Birthday party.” 

“Yours?” 

“No!” He’s quick to interrupt, “A friend of a friend. It’s not mine. Mine’s in February, and I certainly don’t think I’ll be having my party here. Not that there’s anything wrong with here! It’s lovely! You’re lovely! I’m rambling.” 

He was so gosh darn cute and if you weren’t in the middle of a break down, you probably would’ve laughed or at least reacted to his little word vomit. It was probably the quickest you’d ever heard him talk, not that it was hard. 

After a few minutes of contemplating what to say, you sigh, “I’m sorry.” 

His voice is soft, his features falling, “What are you sorry for?” 

“Lying to you.” You drop your gaze to the floor, trying to suppress the tears, “I didn’t want to.” 

“Hey, hey.” He walks over to you, placing his finger underneath your chin just like he had done in the car weeks ago, “No need to get upset, I’m not.” 

“You should be.” You bottom lip quivers, “I lied to you and I had no intention to retract that just yet.” 

“YN.” He rests his palms on your cheeks, “I’m not angry. I’m not upset. I just want to know why.”

“I was scared.” You admit, trying to do anything but look up at him, “I didn’t know what you’d think or if you’d change your mind.” 

“Change my mind about what?” 

“Wanting too, you know. . .?” 

He shakes his head, “I wouldn’t. There’s no reason for me to.” 

“I’m a stripper Harry, it gives you full reason to not want to be associated with me.” You lift your hand to wipe your under-eye. 

“I’m not judging you, YN, I said I wouldn’t.” 

“I wouldn’t be upset if you did.” 

“YN.” His voice is stern, more so than it had been, “I don’t care that you’re a stripper.” 

“You don’t.” 

“No.” He smiles, “I don’t.” 

“Fuck.” You let out a breath of relief, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” 

“I don’t mind.” He shrugs, “If you didn’t want to, you didn’t have to.” 

You had never met someone like him, and no matter how many times he surprised you that was just fact. Granted, you hadn’t had time to date anyone with looking after your Grandma but another reason you didn’t was because of what they would think of you. 

You knew that not everyone would be was understanding and lovely as Harry had been, and that was just because of the lovely person he was inside and out. That was the reason you didn’t tell him, because even though you had an inclination that he was accepting but you didn’t know whether that was just a façade or he was like that in real life. You loved that he was like that in real life. 

“Can I be honest?” You nod, “I enjoyed it.” 

You bite your lip to suppress the smile that threatened to cross your lips, “You did?” 

He hums, beaming a smile at you. 

“If you wouldn’t mind.” The corner of his lips tugs upwards, “I’d still love to get that private dance.”

You roll your eyes and thwack his shoulder playfully, “If you must.” 

“I’ll wait for you.” He nods, “Until your shift is over, if you want.” 

“Please.” 

“I’ll see you then.” 

You hadn’t even made it completely into Harry’s house before his lips were on yours. He pushed you up against his front door before he’d even shut it properly, his lips falling upon yours with a hunger you hadn’t felt since you last kissed him. 

Maybe it was his hands rested upon the small of your back, your fingers threading through the curls at the nape of his neck. 

“Can I offer you a drink?” He smirks against your lips. 

“Not the priority.” You reply, not bringing your lips away from his. 

“Noted.” He places a kiss to your jaw, “Upstairs?” 

“Upstairs.” 

You follow him up the stairs, your hand rested firmly in his. You’re too distracted by the man in front of you to take any notice of the house or where you were going. 

Harry had kept true to his word and waited for you. You secretly wished that you could have recorded the group’s reaction as you walked towards him, a small smile on your face. After bidding them goodbye, the two of you jumped in a taxi that Harry had ordered and made your way to his house, or what you expected to be his house and you weren’t disappointed. 

The second you step into the plushly decorated room, you’re kissing again. His hands slide down to rest upon curve of your ass, his ring-clad fingers immediately squeezing the flesh. You groan lightly into his mouth, allowing his tongue to slip through her parted lips. You grip his bicep as he leads your backwards into the room, your calves hitting the bed as he does so. 

Your lips part, you fall back onto the bed. You look up at him through your eyelashes, your fingertips reaching to pull the shirt he was wearing over his head. You almost swoon there and then at the sight of the tattoos littering his skin. You lean forward and place a kiss on his lower stomach, just before his happy trail that slips into the band of his trousers. 

You bite your lip, grinning up at him. 

“What are you planning?” 

“I don’t know.” You shrug, “What do you want me to be planning?” 

He groans, “Anything at this point.”

You reach forward, taking the button of his trousers in your fingers. You look up, “Is this okay?” 

“More than okay, baby.” 

You unbutton his trousers, wrapping your finger in the waistband and pulling them down. You can already see the tent in his boxers. You wondered how long he had been like this, you wondered if it had been since your dances. 

You blush slightly as you hook your fingers now into the waistband of his boxers, looking up at him. You can’t handle the look on his face, the slight blush but the boyish grin mixed with his curls that had fallen forward upon his forehead. You pull the fabric down, exposing his hard cock. You watch as it hits his stomach briefly, the tip swollen. You lift your hand up, wrapping it around him before giving him a few pumps. His stomach quivers as you do so, a groan escaping him as you wrap your lips around his tip. His eyes flutter closed as you start to bob your head, his fingers reaching forward to grab your hair into a ponytail. 

“Fuck baby.” His hips involuntarily buck forward. You sink further down, going as far as you could. 

Harry couldn’t believe how good he felt. It had been a while since he had been with someone, and it was worth the wait. You pulled away too soon in his opinion, but the sight of you, all teary eyed and sloppy sent his mind spiralling. 

“God.” He bent down and wrapped his arms around your thighs, lifting you up so he could move you further up the bed, “You’re fucking killing me here.” 

“Good.” You giggle. 

He’s quick to remove your shirt, allowing you to pull your jeans down at the same time. He didn’t expect you to still be in the lingerie from earlier, and if it was physically possible, he swore his cock hardened even more. 

“Fuck me.” 

He leans forward, pressing his lips to yours again as his fingers fumble with the latch of your bra. You bite your bottom lip as he wraps his around your nipple, flicking it with his tongue. He uses his hand to knead the other one. You can’t help but grind your hips forwards, a feeling bubbling deep in the pit of your stomach that you hadn’t felt in a long time. 

“Harry.” You moan, withering under his touch. 

He kisses down from your lips, to your jaw, down your neck until he’s littering them all the way to the band of your underwear. 

“Is this okay?” 

“More than okay.” You whine as he lets out a breath upon the thin material. 

He pulls your underwear down, teasing you by placing kisses across your thighs and pubic bone. He’s so close, yet so far from the place that you need him the most. He licks a stripe across your centre, until he wraps his lips around your clit. You can’t help the moans that escape your parted lips as he nibbles and flicks your sensitive nub, her thighs starting to shake as he coaxes her closer and closer to her orgasm. 

“Don’t stop.” You thread your fingers through his hair, “God! Harry.” 

He pulls away, and you let out a shaky breath as he does so. 

“No fair.” You whine. 

“Life isn’t.” 

“Just shut up and get a condom.” He does as you request, placing a small peck to your lips as he reached over to grab a condom from the drawer beside the bed. 

You watch as he rips the packet open with his teeth, pulling the rubber down his length. He presses another kiss to your lips, catching her eyesight once more.

“Are you sure?” 

“More than okay.” 

He hovers over you, rubbing his tip up and down your wet folds to coax a moan out of your lips. He groans into your shoulder as he pushes in, biting down briefly to suppress the sound. 

“Don’t.” You moan, scratching your nails down his back as he starts to thrust in and out of you, “Let me hear you.” 

“Fuck.” You squeeze him slightly, “Do that again.” 

He speeds up, catching your lips as your hips meeting quicker, the only sound in the room being your skin slapping each others. You slip one of your hands between the two of you, your nimble fingers rubbing your clit. 

“Where have you been all my life?” You can’t help the pleasurable giggle that escapes your lips. 

“Feel so good, H.” 

After a few more thrusts, a couple more circles of her clit and she’s comes around his cock, squeezing him tightly as she did so. 

“Fuck, shit, oh god.” 

He continues to thrust in and out of you, coaxing you through your orgasm and towards his. He seems to go deeper and deeper until he’s spilling inside the condom, his moans louder than any you had heard before. 

“God.” He collapses on top of you, taking a few seconds to collect himself and let you collect yourself, “Haven’t felt like that in a long time.” 

“Glad I could be of some assistance.” You push the hair that had matted to your face off. 

“You should keep secrets from me more often.’ 

“I’m never doing that again.” 

“Good.” He pecks your lips. 

[that-cheer-up-anon]

Finally home at 7:20pm and man. Today was just NOT GOOD.

This morning I had a crap breakfast (mostly just me chugging milk so I had something in my stomach for my antidepressant) an early doctor appointment, which I them had to immediately go to work bc they asked me to come an hour earlier than I was expecting. Didn't get a lunch break bc I keep forgetting to take a break, so that didn't help.

I was just. Struggling so hard. My anxiety and suicidal thoughts were just flowing over from yesterday really bad. Basically all of my rooms were given to somebody else bc I couldn't even fully complete one room. I didn't even get to do my stayovers (easy rooms) bc I was struggling so bad.

We were out of SO MANY THINGS. Like BED SHEETS. The FIRST THING you do when you clean. So I was already madly thrown off from the get go. It got so bad that I had a supervisor come to help me and then a second one bc the first was meant to be done for the day. Also they said "I'm Helping Ella" and "she's struggling" in the same message. She also told me to I go to the boss and request a partner bc I wasn't ready. They also asked if it was my first or second day. I've been here a week.

They both asked what was up w me and I just.

I wanted to jump out the window.

I tried to hold back so many dang breakdowns over beddings bc I was finding it just SO DAMN HARD, and every supervisor that came after my room that I was around to hear hated my beds.

Like if you hate my lumpy wrinkly beds so much TEACH ME SO I DON'T HAVE TO KEEP HEARING HOW SHIT THEY ARE! TEACH ME SO I DON'T KEEP BEATING MYSELF UP OVER HOW I'M A DISGRACE TO THE HOTEL AND FEEL LIKE I'M LETTING DOWN MY COWORKERS AND GUESTS!

It's not my fault I wasn't properly trained! I was given a partner on my first day who had only been there 2 weeks. She taught me how to do the beds ONCE, but I was slowing her down so she kept doing the beds and didn't teach me. The next day I was paired up w someone as new as me. Then I was basically left on my own from then on.

I HATE DUVET COVERS!!!! ALSO I tried to look up how to do hotel bed videos and NOBODY EVER TUCKS THE DUVET IN LIKE I HAVE TO AT WORK! NOT EVEN OTHER 5 STAR HOTELS. I'm starting to think WE'RE the crazy ones tucking in the duvets!

Anyways, cried in front of the boss. Got told off for being a sucky communicator, even though I did ask for assistance in the group chat but nobody got back to me. I will admit that I need to be better at communicating though. My anxiety definitely did not help. Constantly felt like a let down and that I was gonna be fired for asking for help.

Luckily got partnered up for the rest of the day, but man, was today rough. Tomorrow I'm getting paired up again (thank goodness). Everyone asked me what was going on w me today and I honestly just. IDK! I'VE JUST BEEN STUPID CRAZY UNENDINGLY STRESSED AND HYPERVIGILANT AND IN SURVIVAL MODE FOR FAR TOO LONG BUT I CAN'T LET UP ON IT OTHERWISE I WILL DIE!!!!

My brain won't shut up! Ever! Even when I'm busy at work. I'm having thoughts of missing people, me also trying to play music in my head, anxiety about work and coworkers, worries and thoughts about salary, bills, where I'm gonna move, if I'll manage to keep ahold of this job, is it worth trying to get a second worse paying job but is in walking distance? But then what about when I move out? Is it worth trying to get that second job if I'm going to hopefully be moving out within the year where it's no longer going to be a convenient place to work? I don't have time for my hobbies bc I'm trying to work and get money but I also need a break to do chores and Beauty schoo research exam, but also if I take a break what if my job fires me? I don't know the next time I'll have a job, and trying to remember what I was just doing ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

I wish I could listen to music to help distract my brain but then I'll lose track of time and blah blah blah ADHD issues. And we're not meant to have earphones bc we need to be able to hear alarms and I don't have wireless earphones.

Whatever. Tomorrow will be better. Hopefully less tears