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cryptocism · 7 months

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Since I think about clones like I’m getting paid for it, I've been rotating those alternate universe "what if Bart and Thad were actually raised together" scenarios in my brain, with Thad either post-redemption-arc or pre-villainy. Because adjusting Thad's character to fit an ally role while still keeping true to his core motives and personality is so so fascinating to me.

Like I think there's an immediate first instinct to slot Thad into a "bad" twin category: ie rebellious and prickly, doesn't get along with people, mean lil shit. And obviously it's not wrong bc we're outside the realm of canon, but the reading still feels a little left of center.

Because Thad is mean and prickly in canon. In the Impulse comics he belittles Bart and Bart’s friends/family constantly in his appearances. He loves to goad, and monologue about his own superiority and intelligence. He’s very Not Nice, and he causes many problems, and he even does it on purpose.

But, I think it’s important to consider the context. From the jump Thad knows very little about anything except which team he’s on and who he’s playing for. He gets his orders from an unseen authority and he carries out his tasks because success means his team wins.

For all his self-aggrandizing talk, everything he does is in service of an end goal that doesn't actually center him. He's trying to get revenge for grievances he's never personally suffered, retribution for actions never committed against him. Everything he does is on someone else's behalf.

Thad sees in black and white, us or them. Up until the final few issues of Mercury Falling, Bart and co. are Thad's enemies, of course he's not going to be nice.

So Thad's motivation seems pretty simple: Thawne Supremacy™.

But it’s in Mercury Falling where this starts to fall apart, and the real core of his motivation gets revealed. Thad pretends to be Bart and suddenly Helen is nice to him. Bart’s friends think he’s funny. Bart’s teachers are impressed with his grades. Max ruffles his hair and gives him hugs and tells him he’s done a good job.

If he was actually an inherently mean and standoffish character, if Thad actually had significant personal stake in the Thawne VS Allen conflict, the weight of such tiny acts of kindness wouldn’t completely break him the way that it does in canon.

Thad thinks his goal is superiority and revenge and Thawne Supremacy™, but he's chasing validation. Thad doesn’t have a personal stake in the Thawne VS Allen conflict. He wouldn't get much satisfaction if he actually destroyed Bart and his family. Thad's personal victory would be the recognition after the fact: the praise and attention from the other Thawnes (a group of people he has literally never met) for his success.

He wants validation. That's basically it. And the fact that he gets it so easily from Bart's family and friends doesn't align with how he's told himself things are supposed to work.

Actually tangentially, Bart and Thad’s respective relationships to authority is so diametrically opposed and tbh kind of subversive in a superhero narrative. Where the hero is the one carving his own path without regard to social or societal rules, no fucks to give what anybody thinks of it. And the villain is a chronic people-pleaser.

Just based on Thad’s reaction to simple praise and affection from Max I really think Thad’s motivation has more to do with the response he gets than whatever the details are of any given task. He has no actual personal convictions beyond getting positive attention, and whatever he did have crumbled as soon as Bart’s friends laughed at his joke one time. Which of course leads into the core of his whole conflict at the end of Mercury Falling. He cares too much about Bart’s friends and family now, he doesn’t want to kill them, but worse than that, he’s faced with the sudden realization that he’s on the wrong side.

The Allens gave Thad everything he actually wanted and needed, but his conception of himself is inexorably tied to the Thawnes: who gave him jack shit. These two facts are in opposition to each other, and he can’t reconcile the reality of it.

Anyway all this to say, in an AU where Bart and Thad are raised together or Thad gets an actual redemption arc etc etc, I think my personal take on Thad’s personality whether it be pre-or-post-villainy would be one that is extremely socially conscious. He is much more of a people-person than Bart. Whether he's actually accurate in assessing people's feelings and how to respond to them can be hit or miss, but he wants to behave in a way that gets people to like him.

Pretending to be Bart isn’t remarked upon as, like, a difficult task for Thad. In his internal monologue he’s literally bragging to himself about how easy it is. But what’s especially notable to me is where his act differs from Bart's typical MO. Everyone notices, and lots of people comment, and presumably if Thad didn’t have the excuse of Max’s illness to “motivate” Bart to do better he would’ve been found out immediately. And those things are, specifically: paying attention in class, doing his chores, staying on task, and being helpful around the house. The one thing about Bart he chooses not to emulate is Bart’s rebelliousness.

Thad wants to prove himself, constantly, to whatever authority he respects (probably Max in this scenario) and will do whatever it takes to make that happen. In contrast to Bart, who only listens to authority when the shit they're saying actually makes sense to him. It’s excessively difficult to convince him to go against his own interests. (And I think a key part of that is Bart’s security in knowing that no matter how much he fucks up or doesn’t listen, the people he loves will always love him back.)

Thad’s got the people-pleaser in him that has to deserve whatever he’s given. It’s why he’s happiest when he’s given a clear goal or objective to complete, because it gives him an opening to prove himself.

All this to say that if we are quantifying Bart and Thad as a "good" or "bad" twin, in the eyes of every authority: Bart is the bad twin. Bart is the bad twin, Bart is the bad twin. Bart is the one who doesn’t care about school and whose grades vary wildly depending on his personal interest. He’s the one who goes off to do dangerous shit for fun and gets in trouble constantly and doesn’t do his chores and is thoroughly unconvinced by any authority figure trying to sell him bullshit.

Thad is the one who needs to know all the rules just so he can experience the joy of following them. Relentlessly obedient. He'll put all his effort into doing all the right things that’ll endear him to whoever he wants to impress - meaning he’s the asshole who reminds the teacher about the assigned homework. Bart might be the most popular boy in school, but Thad is a pleasure to have in class.

Like Thad can (and should) still be high-strung and short-tempered and sarcastic and edgy and mean, because he is. But he can’t be doing all that without rhyme or reason. Colouring every interaction has to be that one-zero binary of ally or enemy. He needs to have somebody he’s proving himself to: a team he’s on and a team he’s against. He’s not an inherently rebellious character. He can go up against The Enemy, whoever he deems as such, but it has to be in service of a hypothetical future in which somebody eventually tells him he did a great job.

And in the interest of continuing to beat a dead horse, it connects to their respective upbringings. Thad and Bart were both raised in VR, but Bart’s experience had the side effect of basically hard-wiring him against insecurity. His world was a playground tailor-made for him, and he was never made to feel bad or insufficient about any aspect of himself. His first interaction with a real human person was Iris moving heaven and earth to save him, without him knowing her, without her knowing him, with no reasoning for the act needed beyond Being Her Grandson. Which is probably a significant factor in why Bart moves through the world with frankly atomic levels of autistic swag.

Thad’s VR upbringing installed self-consciousness in his psyche before any other personality trait. As in: he is immediately made conscious of himself and his relationship with everyone he will ever encounter. He’s told two things: he’s a clone of someone else (inherently derivative, lesser) and that he was made to be superior (a status to achieve). Which is such an instant clarifier for Thad’s everything. Where superiority is a condition that everyone either has, or does not. It’s the one-zero binary again: are they better than me or am I better than them. Being above others is mandatory, and if his superiority is ever challenged by hard evidence or god forbid nuance Thad’s brain physically cannot take it. He needs to be better, to be worse is unthinkable, and there is no other way to be.

And this status of better or worse is, crucially, not up to Thad to decide. He needs The Authority to validate him. Bart never tries to prove himself because he has nothing to prove. Thad’s entire identity hinges on the self-worth he gets from doing a Good Job.

It is such an inherent part of his motives in the Impulse comics canon, which is why it always feels a little off when he’s interpreted as a jackass indiscriminately.

Like I don't think he needs everyone to like him. But I do think he has either one person or a set of very particular people that he needs to like him. Everyone else is either in that circle or outside of it.

(Which is why Bart is such a great foil for Thad tbh. There is no set of words or behaviors that’ll change Bart’s opinion of Thad, because Bart is unaffected by obedience or charm. So ironically Bart is probably one of few people that Thad doesn’t bother to put on even a little bit of an act for.)

While Bart goes with his instincts, his personal beliefs and convictions at all times, Thad is hyper-conscious of big-picture goals. They balance each other out that way. Thad's keeping track of whatever expectations he has placed on him, and how his actions reflect on him and the team beyond short-sighted solutions. He's a team player. AND he's an asshole.

#soapbox #dc #thad thawne #thaddeus thawne #inertia #bart allen #impulse #like he cannot be mean indiscriminately... u must interrogate WHY hes mean and to whom #if hes being raised with Max and Helen he would not intentionally do anything to make their lives more difficult #if hes being raised by Meloni same situation #he needs to be trying to get validation from SOMEWHERE u know #and of course he'll mess up and hurt the people he loves or wants to impress he is a human being #but while that can sometimes be the result #that is never the Goal u kno #not his Core Motivation #i feel like the more i talk about this the less sense im making

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fayesia · 8 months

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I was wondering if you can do a fic for Mike schmidt.

The reader is constantly teasing mike innocently and most often no so innocently and one day he's had enough and just f*cks the reader so hard and multiple times where the reader tries to stand up they fall and can't walk for either a few hours or days.

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You loved teasing Mike. It wasn’t your fault, he just made it so fun to do, the way he reacted, the things he would do to you.

That’s why this weekend since Abby was away at her aunts you started off the morning with a nice breakfast for the two of you. Except the only thing you had on was your underwear and an apron that read ‘kiss the chef’ as you pranced around listening to your favourite songs, barely noticing when Mike halted in is steps behind you. His hands wrapped around your waist laughing into the side of your neck after you screamed in shock of his presence.

You grumbled, pushing him away after his rude interruption of your morning dance session, questioning if he wanted his eggs sunny side up or down on the floor. His laughter continued as he helped grab some plates and set the table watching you like a hawk as you placed the eggs onto them. He pulled you close as you wrapped your arms around him, “god, what’d i do to deserve you”, letting out a breathy laugh you wiggled out of his grasps prompting him to eat, which he did. uncomfortably. hunched over, unable to sit properly due to a certain issue in his pants which you chose to ignore.

After breakfast you took a shower and got ready for the day, taking advantage of the warm spring day, you opted for a nice summer dress that wrapped around you perfectly and flared out as you spun. continuing your endeavours of teasing you decided to be a little risky and not wear any panties leaving you bare apart from your dress. Heading back through the house you cleaned up the kitchen and living room as Mike was busy reading a book about dreams and their meanings on the couch.

He briefly looked up at you when you were loading the dishwasher and then once again when you were wiping the coffee table in front of him. Bending low to wipe one side giving him a more than nice view of your risks taken this morning, and then once again bending over the other side providing him a good eyeful of your breast.

It seemed he had had enough as you stood up straight again and he slammed his book shut throwing it next to him, before coming face to face with you.

“i’ve had fucking enough of your teasing this whole morning and don’t think you can just get away with it”

you squeal and attempt to run from him but before you can even make it to the bedroom door he has you in a fireman carry and slaps your bare behind, before placing you down on the bed. Your grin isn’t even hidden and you know he’s giving you hell for doing this on purpose. He’s quick to remove your dress, bending you over his lap and running his hand across your ass, feeling the smooth skin and digging his fingertips into your flesh.

your face heats up from the stark contrast of how clothed the two of you are but you only get more hot when his fingers fun across your pussy. He smack the skin in between your thighs and ass in quick successions leaving you gasping each time, “you fucking wanted this didn’t you, did that all on purpose cause you just wanna be fucked, well i’m gonna fuck you, so much you won’t even be able to walk tomorrow”

You expected to get a rise out of him but not this much.

He feels your wetness drip from your inner thighs onto his jeans, wasting no time to have you cowgirl on his lap with his cock in you. The girthy intrusion wasn’t something you were prepared for but the pain from the stretch is quickly cancelled out by the tip of his length hitting the best spot in you. Your warm wet walls are welcoming, wrapping around Mikes members and reminding him of why he fucking loves being inside of you so much.

He lifts you up off his cock while you mewl at the feeling of emptiness, bending you over the vanity dresser in your room he grabs a fistful of hair so you can watch yourself fall apart on his dick. His pants and your moans are loud and heard from everywhere in the house and the feeling of his balls slapping against your clit has you going over the edge.

You expected him to cum soon after but no he carried you back over to the bed and pushed you face down into the sheets, entering two fingers into you rubbing your wetness on you before slapping your pussy and then thrusting deep in you. The overstimulation was too good for you to say no and so you just lied there all fucked out while Mike continued plowing into you. His hands grabbed onto your breast pushing you back against his chest allowing his cock to hit a whole new different spot inside of you.

You were practically dumb on his cock and he knew it as he left kisses along the base of you neck and rubbed at your clit. Until you came on his cock once more, this time he too released inside of you, his cum practically overflowing from your pussy as you tightened around him like a vice, watching it dripping down from your pussy to the base of his cock.

Pulling out slowly he watched as more of your mixed cum pooled from your fucked out hole. You whined as his fingers collected the dripping cum pushing the white globs back into you, your hands were pushing Mikes away and you watched with hooded eyes as he cleaned his fingers with his own mouth before pulling you into a heated wet and messy kiss.

The two of you curled up, bathing in each other presence until you woke up the next morning looking over next to you to find the sheets empty. You assumed Mike must’ve either gone to the job centre or was still somewhere in the house and as you prepared to slither out from the warm covers your mind raced back to last night as your face warmed up.

Smiling to yourself you went to stand up only to fall onto the floor with an echoing thud, putting in no effort to get up. Mike quickly came jogging into the room coming to halt when he saw you. Questioning if you were alright and helping you get up, soon after absolutely folded in laughter at your explanation of why your legs have out.

Fuck, you knew his pride would never let you forget about this for the next few days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#smut #josh hutcherson #mike schmidt #fnaf #fnaf movie #fnaf smut #josh hutcherson smut #mike schmidt imagine #mike schmidt x reader #mike schmidt smut

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slut4sugu · 1 year

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PRETTY BABY ! — SUNA RINTARO X FEM!BLACK READER

[ʚ 🍓ɞ] summary: you attempted to treat your boyfriend by making him cum his brains out, little did you know that bet would soon fall through [ʚ 🍓ɞ] including + warnings: blowjobs, overstimulation, sub!suna x Dom!reader to soft!Dom suna x sub!reader, slight ass slapping, degradation and praise, use of the nicknames: doll, pretty girl, pretty, baby, whore, suna being whipped for reader, mentions of dumbifaction and squirting, mentions of hickeys [ʚ 🍓ɞ] genre: suggestion to smut

Kinktober Masterlist . Trust-Issues : Drake

YOU LOOKED UP AT YOUR BOYFRIEND WITH PLEADING EYES; “Cmon rinny! You literally never let me even try to top you.” You whined, which made suna laugh in response. “Yeah because I know that your just gonna beg me to fuck you once you get tired.” The raven said confidently, his gaze never leaving from his phone. Scoffing you challenge him. “Okay fine, if you really think that I’m that easy then let’s bet on it.” Suna’s eyes finally meet yours, now curious about what bet your trying to make. Knowing full well he intends for you to loose it. Leaning up on your knees you took the phone out of his hand, throwing it into a pile of clothes on your floor. Then crawling from your spot on the bed over to suna before sitting in his lap, crossing your arms behind his neck. “Now here’s the deal, since you think you a sex god or sum shit-“ “Never said that.” “Shut up rin.” You hated now his handsome smirk made your heart race, even after seeing it a hundred times. “-If I top you tonight and I make you cum from doing all the work-?” You lean in close to his ear, purposely grinding a little when you do so, “I get to do whatever I want to you for the rest of the night.” You stated, your pretty voice smooth yet firm. The smell of your strawberry shampoo body wash & lotion flooding nose as you came close, sunas senses starting to give into your natural charm. A groan left his lips as he felt you grind on his bulge through his sweats. “What’s in it for me pretty? Hm?” The feeling of his cold hands, going up under your baggy tee and holding your waist sending shivers down your spine. “Whatever you want. I’m not loosing this rin.” You say confidently as you sat straight up now. Your eyes studying your boyfriends features, as were his. “Alright fine then doll. But don’t whine when i win.” His green eyes flickered from your plump lips to your chocolate eyes, you smirked, “Oh baby, I won’t be whining for shit. You’ll be begging me to stop.”

♡ ♡ ♡

That’s how you ended up in between your boyfriends legs, teasingly licking fat stripes up the underside of his dick. Purposely slowing down when you would get to that one sensitive spot on his shaft, causing a string of curses to leave sunas lips. “Fuuckk doll.” His head thrown back all pretty on your pillows, the sight of this alone making your pussy clench around nothing. “You’re so pretty rinny.” You tease, letting out a giggle when you see the tip of his ears turn pink. “S-shut up.” A smile tugging at your lips as you kissed the pretty pink tip of your boyfriends cock, giggling once more when you saw his thighs shake from your peripheral vision. “Stop messing around and just- shit!” He damn near whimpered when he felt your mouth welcome his dick inside, you wasted no time as you took him inside inch by inch disappearing in your throat. You gagged a little once you reached the base, but you were determined to deepthroat him. The sound of his groans and pleas were too sweet to miss. “You feel so good doll, fuckkk.” His eyes were squeezed shut as he felt you start bobbing up and down, you had only deepthroated him once before this a couple of months ago and it’s safe to say he missed being in your throat. You hummed around the base of his cock, the feeling of his hand coming down and grabbing a fistful of your braids pushing you down slightly made you moan, his other grabbing the sheets tightly causing his knuckles to turn white.

Finally opening his eyes, he saw you looking up at him with your pretty doe eyes. Hearts forming in them just for him, as they bored into his. “God you’re so fuckin cute like this, sucking me so-” A pornographic moan erupted from suna’s throat as you flattened your tongue and quickened your pace. Shooting him a look that said, “shut up or I’ll make you.’ Despite your wetness soaking your panties, though it was his fault. His precum tasted almost sweet yet salty on your tongue, and the occasional thrust into your mouth had your eyes rolling to the back of your head. Sounds of your drooling on his dick and moans/groans filled the room, your core grew unbelievably needy while you sucked his dick. You itched for the feeling of being stuffed full by his shaft as you sucked, further growing more horny by the second. His dick twitched into your mouth as he grew louder, “Baby shiiit, don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t fuck-!” Words fell deaf on his tongue as the coil in his stomach began to unravel faster by the second. Finally unraveling when he saw your pretty eyes practically beg for him to cum. whimpering slightly as his seed flooded your mouth. Drinking up all of it you hummed with content, while suna was catching his breath.

Your mouth left his tip with a pop sound, licking your lips you smiled at the mess that laid there before you. Grinning as you saw his flushed face, “Aw baby, are you tired?” You teased, your saccharine voice, your hips, your thighs, your pretty acrylics (with his initials on them), your f/c faux locs driving the brunette insane. You were a perfect angel, a sexy, cute, beautiful angel that just made him cum in your mouth. So when he felt your soft hand cup his cheek and press a sweet kiss to his lips, who was he to say no? He Kissed you back before pulling away and saying, “Hell no, give me all you got pretty girl.”

As the night progressed you saw a different side of your boyfriend, a needy yet sweet side. He would yearn for more kisses from you and your touch, almost whining when you would rather leave hickeys on him rather than have his tongue down your throat. The male beneath you grunts when your teased the head of his cock with your entrance, lubing it with his pre cum and your slick that has collected from making out with suna. Your boyfriend’s big palms find their way to your thighs to finally have you hover over his dick, making the blockers pretty pink tip slowly push against your hole and it’s way inside. His neediness clearly visible in his eyes as he tries to push you down on his throbbing cock. “Rin what are you- ah.” Even after being split open on your boyfriends dick numerous times the pleasure never ceases to feel like the first time all over again. The familiar delicious stretch you would feel as his veiny shaft filled you up so nicely. You gripped his shoulders for support as your eyes rolled back, your mouth agape as you finally gave in to your desires. Sucking in a breath rintaro felt your tight velvety walls suck him in impossibly deeper, “Fuck the bet you feel too fucking good right now.” You were going to object but the feeling you’ve been missing all night made you forget about the stupid bet, you could top him another day.

The raven softly starts to buck his hips up into yours without warning, causing soft moans to slip past your lips. “Rinny wait- your too *slap* fuck!” You grew tighter as you suddenly felt the pleasure and pain of suna slapping your rear. One hand now gripping your waist the other squeezing the fat of your ass. “I said fuck *thrust* the challenge didn’t I? So stop whining like baby when you know damn well you’re a whore for getting fucked dumb.” Sunas voice was stern yet so damn hot you gripped his cock tighter just from feeling his hot breath on the shell of your ear as he degraded you. Letting out a string of curses he chuckled, “And the fact that you actually thought that you were gonna ‘have me begging for you to stop.’ is almost fucking cute.” You hid your face in his neck, a slight pout on your pink glossed lips. “Shut up.” You mumbled, “just wanted to see if I could make you feel as good as you make me.”

“That’s what this was all about? Damn your dumb.” You rolled your eyes and sucked your teeth before nibbling purposefully on the sensitive vein on his neck, erecting a soft moan from your boyfriend. “What are you gonna do about it then? Fuck me dumb?” You asked mockingly in a sweet voice, you always were such a brat but you never seemed to learn your lesson. So when rintaro's eyes shined with that look of lust and hidden intent you already knew what time it was, “Yeah pretty much .”

♡ ♡ ♡

That’s how you ended up face first into the mattress, your ass in the air as you got fucked into the pillows. Mewling, as your body writhed with pleasure. You always said that, ‘s too big rinny!’ or ‘slow down!’ and yet, he knew you could take it. You've done it many times before. That’s why he reached further into the space you had created to bunch up the back of your shirt and used it as leverage as though he were pulling your hair to pummel into you faster and deeper. Your ass rhythmically pounded on his pelvis, sending a lewd ringing through your own ears as it echoed off the bedroom walls. Something about this lewd position you were in mixed with the feeling of Suna’s cock hitting those sweet spots inside of you, egging you on more than usual. Your high getting close and he could feel it.

“G’na cum pretty?” He grunted as his other hands squeezed your hip, his blunt nails digging into your flesh. His moans were heavenly, a sound you always loved to hear, as your walls fluttered around him. His pace grew relentless, barely giving you time to breathe or even think as he forced your hips to fuck back onto him, drawing a helpless gasp or delighted moan from your pretty lips with each thrust. You began to shake in his hold, your breath coming out in hot pants as your end grew near. Your voice reaching a higher pitch, your pink nails digging into the bed, your brown skin marked up with hickeys and love bites.. you looked like a work of art. “Please rinny hah please, wanna fuck cum..!” You could barely get the words out as he fucked you within an inch of your life.

“Y’gunna cream around my cock? Make a pretty mess on f’me baby?”

“Yes, yes, yes!” Came your loud, unapologetic sounds of unfiltered, pornographic babbles of sheer bliss.

Neither of you could hold back anymore. Suna spilled rope after rope of his hot, sticky seed into your abused cunt while your pretty folds creamed around his shaft. Blissed panting, filled the air around you. Only couple seconds pass before your boyfriend continues his unwavering attack on your pussy, your once loosened grip on the sheets now tightened again as you let out confused babbles and whines into the pillows. “Don’t hah, act so surprised I said i was going to fuck you dumb. And I meant it.” Following this statement suna sent harsh slaps to your ass, causing yelps and moans to fill the walls of the bedroom. His eyes now low as he gripped the sides of your hips and was almost entranced by how your ass was starting to grow red from his hits. “All of this thrust. for me baby? Hm?” The deep thrusts inside your sensitive cunt drove you insane, your brain started to turn to mush as the sound of skin slapping further started to drive you to your next climax. All you could do was nod as you felt the coil in your stomach begin to unravel again, if your face wasn’t stuffed in the pillows at the time you would’ve came from the sight of Sunas abs glistening with sweat and loose strands of hair stuck to his forehead, and that goddamn sexy smirk that was plastered on his handsome face.

With a swift motion, the blocker thrusted his hips forward, driving his bulging cock deeper into you, aching against every inch of your inner walls. the sensation was both pleasurable and torturous, that left you convulsing and twitching with pleasure as you came for the second time around his shaft. Coating his cock with more of your essence mixed with his cum. “God your so pretty like this-” Leaning down he kissed your shoulder blade, before leaving another hickey. This time behind your ear, a dark purple spot forming in seconds. “-all messy and tired. But I bet you still want more right?” You hummed softly in response despite your body being unable to move, “Heh, good because I wasn’t planning on stopping anytime soon, now be a good pretty little doll and squirt on my dick this time kay?”

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foreverisntenough · 3 months

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‘OURS’

Summary: You were his and he was yours but what would it be like adding one more? Thrust into a whirlwind romance you never could’ve imagined that became your forever love. You continue building a new life across the pond with a very beautiful Scouser. A sequel to the ‘You’re Mine’ fic.

INDEX

Warnings: This series will contain fluff, suggestion, SMUT (unprotected sex,) pregnancy, parenting, mental health struggles, eating disorder, self doubt, body image issues, daddy kink, angst, alcohol consumption - not sure what else really… if i miss anything please lmk!

Note: Thank you for reading! Please be sure to like, comment, or message me what you think of the series! Try not to nitpick with any real pregnant/ baby logistics it’s better if you just read along happily :)

Warning! This chapter focus on mental health struggles and body image issues (depression and ed) It’s a little dark so if that is at all potentially triggering to you please be advised and do not interact.

Chapter 20 - Miss Mama | ‘Ours’

“She’s okay? God, please tell me she’s okay.” Trent asked in a voice that was heart wrenching. Lauren felt her heart shatter listening to him sound so meek and broken.

“Erm… physically so so, emotionally, T, I’ll be honest it’s not good. I know she fucked up but this isn’t good for you two to be apart. I’m worried.” Lauren croaked out. “I’m here with her now but….” She tried to begin to provide some sort of update but Trent cut her off.

“I need her to be okay, Lauren. I can’t have her like this. I need her. She… She’s my whole world. I am nothing without her. I’m so worried. I was the one that caused all of this. I need her to be okay.” He started to cry. Lauren could hear the gasps for air and sniffles through the phone. “I.. God, I l..love her so much.” Trent began to stutter interspersed between his tears. Lauren hadn’t really ever heard him cry but she understood wholeheartedly how upset he must’ve felt because she was feeling pretty much the same way.

“I know… I know you do, T. I think she needs to come home. She needs you. Seriously, I know you guys have a lot to unpack after what’s happened but being away from you, from Teddy… it’s killing her. She’s… she’s not well.” Lauren didn’t know how to describe or even articulate your current state. You were gaunt, your face didn’t have the glow it did when you were with him or your baby. Lauren had seen this version of you before though unfortunately. She hadn’t seen it in years but she’d never forget it. Since Trent entered your life there had been an incandescence about you. Sure, you had dips, everyone does but he was there now to hold you through it all. She recalled an ability you had that she hated to morph your body to completely display your emotional state. Your mental condition contorting into a physical one. “T…” Lauren whimpered, starting to cry. “This isn’t the first time this has happened, I know she’s told you. You’ve been so good for her, you’ve changed her whole outlook on life, you treat her the way she deserves to be treated. I’m just worried because this isn’t the first time I’ve had to do this.” Lauren took a deep breath.

“I am made for her. I know that. That is my purpose. I am supposed to take care of her and cherish her and I was mad, I was upset but I don’t want this. I never wanted to be the one to kick off something like this. God, I’m going fucking mad, here. Why did I let her leave like that ... .Wait, wait, hold on, do what, Laur?” Trent paused his momentary rant to get Lauren to clarify.

“Winnie told me about the first time. I hadn’t met Y/N yet. She just was so sick. She wasn’t taking care of herself. I know you already know about these things, I don’t have to relay it all to you again. Honestly, I can barely talk about it. I don't want to have to do this anymore” Lauren’s body shuddered remembering other time’s that she’s been in this very situation. “I’ve watched her destroy herself. She lets herself wither away. I've seen it again and again and I thought we were done. I thought that you’d be the person that finally brought her some peace and seeing her like this again… it’s breaking me. When I came into the apartment… god” Lauren continued to cry, her heart hurting thinking about her best friend struggling to see what everyone around her saw. You were beautiful, inside and out and not in a cliche way, in a way that was indisputable and breathtakingly refreshing. Trent’s stomach dropped. He actually thought he might’ve blacked out while Lauren continued talking. “She’s okay, she’s safe and asleep but she just really doesn’t want to lose you, she couldn’t handle it.” You didn’t always have the strength to push past the type of destruction you’d inflict on yourself over the years but there was something that Trent was able to do that gave you hope, gave you moments of truly feeling love and value. Lauren believed in you. You could be strong but losing Trent was not something she wanted you to have to ever endure. That was your person. The one that was created and cut, defined and detailed just for you.

“Get her back to me, Lauren. I need her. I am not losing her. You will not lose her. This is stopping now. Whatever you need, just get her back home to me. I’m going to take care of her, I promise.” Trent said sternly. This was over. Being apart was over. Honestly, Trent wanted to just fly to New York right now but he couldn’t because he had a match. He wanted to say fuck football. Trust, he never said that and meant it but he did right now. He knew you’d be mad if he did it and he knew it would cause a stir so he bestowed all his trust in Lauren to get you to him.

As you laid in your bed, Trent was unavoidable in your dreams. He was everywhere. You cried in your sleep. Missing him. You couldn’t get up when your eyes began to flutter open, god knows how much longer later. Enough for Lauren to have your next 24 hours already planned out for you at the least. Your body was paralyzed by the crushing weight feeling as if you ruined your impending marriage and family over a stupid night out you took too far. The tears kept falling. In retrospect, you’re not sure they had stopped for the past few days. You were amazed you had any left in your tear ducts. You thought about how beautiful Trent was and how, in a nearly impossible way, what you created together, Teddy, your baby, was even more beautiful. You could hear their laughs echoing in your head in the most cynical mockery of what you were missing. You missed them so much.

You were filled with a mix of fear, regret, anxiety, heartache, and anticipation when Lauren got you back to your house. You felt your body go cold as you approached your once incredibly warm front door. Lauren stayed outside calling Jude for her own moral support that she needed. You were in a haze but this was really difficult on her as well. You punched in the front door’s code and heard the lock turn and shift. You grabbed the handle and pushed. The smell of your house hit you like a freight train. You could’ve physically fallen over with the amount of memories that flooded your mind at the scent. You covered your face with your hands for a moment and took a deep breath trying to compose yourself. You dropped your bag and your Rimowa at the door just the way you hated Trent did. The alarm beep rang through the house alerting that a door had opened. The sound was like catnip. You heard the pitter patter of bare feet running clumsily on the hardwood floors. Around the corner swung the most perfect little girl. Her hair laid flat pulled into a bun with a few ringlet curls escaping. She had a light pink shirt on dragging a bear on the ground behind her with one arm holding its paw in her hand. You started to cry immediately.

“Mama!” Teddy cried. Tears coursing down her cheeks. Her initial excitement of who was at the front door halted by the surprise of how much she missed you. This was so unfair to her. You sat on the floor and pulled her into your embrace engulfing her. You sobbing along with her.

“My baby. I missed you so much. I love you so much. I’m so sorry mummy was away. I’m so sorry, baby.” You pressed your lips to her hair and shut your eyes tight. She didn't really understand why you'd been away but boy was she happy to see you. You never wanted to let go of this little girl. Teddy continued to weep but she slowed eventually. Your hold of her only seeming to get tighter though as she fell into shorter breaths and sounds of hiccups

“Miss my mama.” She cooed talking into your shirt. You squeezed her that much tighter. Your hand running over her head before you loosened your hold to be able to look at her. You pressed her nose against hers. “Mama no sad.” She whimpered, being able to see how visibly upset you were. It hadn’t actually been more than 72 hours that all this unfolded but you felt like she managed to grow up somehow. She was so emotionally attuned and intelligent. She nuzzled her face into the nape of your neck comforted by your smell and you by hers.

“Oh baby, I know, I know you missed mama. I missed you so much. I’m not sad, I’m just so happy to see my little Teddy bear, yeah? Were you good for daddy?” The question just fell out like a habit. You shut your eyes barely able to process saying his name to her. It was then you heard ‘daddy’s’ footsteps coming to stand close but what still felt far away watching you in the foyer. He could tell immediately you’d lost weight in the span of days. The curve of your shoulder looked different, your cheekbones just a little more defined.

“Dada! Mama home!” Teddy pulled away from you and turned around to Trent to tell him the exciting news. He nodded with a smile at her, not looking at you. You weren’t sure if this would be all that exciting of news to him. Nevertheless, you got yourself up on shaky legs. He came over to you in what felt like slow motion. You told yourself you wouldn’t cry. He hated when you cried and you didn’t want to upset him more but you thought you might seeing his gorgeous face again. You had no idea where the two of you stood. He said he was done but you were back home by Lauren's guidance for the sake of your daughter. She didn’t want to do any of the talking for Trent, she was simply acting as a delivery woman. Trent extended one arm out to you. His big hand grabbing the back of your neck harshly, almost aggressively pulling your sylphlike body into his strong one. He brought his other arm around you slipping low across the small of your back the way he usually did. It was a bone crushing embrace. You felt his chest tremble and then he sniffed in harshly as he began to cry. You made him cry. You shut your eyes, extending the persistence of the horrible feelings you’d had for days.

“I love you.” You whispered, tucking your face against his neck. Your nose flattened against his soft skin. Teddy stood quietly holding onto your leg not ready to let go. Lauren snuck into the house quietly and grabbed her. “I’m sorry.” you whimpered barely audible. You took a deep breath reveling in the feeling of his warm hold, relief and fear concomitantly falling over you.

“Don’t fucking ever leave us again. Your home, your place in this world is right here in my arms with our little girl. We cannot survive without you here. Do you understand me?” Trent cooed with a stern but shaky voice keeping you tight to his chest. You nodded as your pervasive tears returned. More and more falling the longer he held you. “We love you. God, fuck… I am so in love with you Y/N. Please don’t ever leave me. No matter how much I push, no matter what’s happening, you cannot leave.” He pleaded begging you more than he was instructing you.

“I don’t want to leave, I don’t want you to not want me anymore. I want to come home, T. You’re the love of my life. You’re the only way I’m able to breathe.” You placed your hand over your heaving chest because your heart began to hurt so badly.

“You can’t go anywhere else. Not letting you.” He said with a desperate release of air. Your other hand’s nails dug into his cotton t-shirt covering his back. You let him cry, loosening your claw and rubbing circles with your hand on his lower back whilst the other moved off your chest to gently scratch his scalp until he was able to calm down.

“You never cry…” You made the observation giving him a sad smile in between gasping breaths. You wiped the tears under his eyes gently. Guilt and empathy running down your face.

“You’re worth crying for, baby.” he cupped your cheek. The heartfelt way he said baby to you returning, stilling your racing mind. He looked into your eyes and you felt everything around you disappear. Every worry, every physical thing around you vanishing, only him left. He kissed you and it was like someone restarted your whole nervous system. The cogs in your brain began turning again, the blood in your body began to pump again, your heart began beating again, the color began to rush back into your cheeks. “You owe me a few days of kisses, yeah? Teddy too. She’s desperate, apparently I’m not the same as mama.” He cooed, pulling away momentarily letting you know the work that laid ahead of you before returning his lips to their rightful place on yours.

“Oh no…” you couldn’t help but giggle picturing the conversations they must’ve had. Your lips curling into a toothy smile inadvertently pulling them off his. Listening to the two of them together was precious, you could only imagine what they were saying when they were alone. It made your heart swell seeing those two identical faces together. “What’d she say?” you asked curious to hear about the exchange.

“Nah, she had me running, you know? I felt like she knew the game she was playing as well. Dada want this, dada up, dada quiet. Just command after command and then in swept the critiques.” You smiled seeing his eyes light up recalling their days and Teddy’s hold over him.

“No mama does!” She rattled off squirming away as he attempted to do her hair after he placed her on his lap in front of him in a mirror in her room.

“I know she’s the best at it but can you let daddy do it today?” He asked her politely. He pulled her curls back into the best bun he could manage. Brushing it slicked back. She furrowed her brow at the finished product. He looked at her trying to make out why she wasn’t happy. He thought he did a good job.

“Bow! Dada bow, please.” She looked at him back through the mirror like he was dumb pressing her palm onto his thigh. Obviously, he forgot a bow. How did he not know that? He placed it and sighed. He kissed her cheek and plopped her on her own two feet.

“Are we hungry this morning? I am. I’m thinking we have the toastie you like.” Trent cooed looking at her as they walked down the hall inspecting his handiwork on her hair trying to find a flaw that warranted her disgruntled response. Teddy replied with a simple ‘yuck’ keeping her gaze fixed ahead focused on her tiny steps. “What why? What do you want then?” He asked inquisitively with a bit of a smile. It was hard not to laugh at her developing personality. He held her hand but let her navigate the grand staircase in your house roughly by herself.

“Mama.” She responded to him confidently and calmly knowing not what she wanted to eat but very certain she’d prefer you to be there to make it for her.

“Yeah, well same…” Trent exhaled, inspecting the empty refrigerator he knew you usually filled with all the things you knew he and Teddy liked. It was the little things you did that had disappeared in front of his eyes now missing them tremendously in a day's time.

“I mean… it wasn’t good, baby.” His smile faded as he recalled the last couple days that were filled with some cute moments but more so difficult ones.

“Baby?” You asked, interested if that’s where you stood now. Were you on good terms? One of the last times he said it it really stung.

“Yeah, my baby. Forever but we really need to talk.” He spoke to you softly before taking your hand and guiding you into the cinema. It made you nervous hearing the door shut behind you. The noise reminding you the room had sound proof walls. God, you hoped this wasn’t going to be another loud fight like the one that transpired in your kitchen where you’d need those walls.

“I know we’re talking and it’s serious but…” You took a deep breath and tried to fight back tears. You sat on opposite sides of the couch in the room awkwardly as if you had just met. You looked at him with a pout and puppy dog eyes. “I’m scared and I really need you. Can you just hold me please?” You whimpered out, quite pathetic.

“C’mere, pretty girl. This is where you’re supposed to be, yeah?” He smiled softly, loving hearing that you needed him, that he was a comfort to you. You relaxed in his arms, relieved that was the vibe and not you two raising your voices. You laid your head on his shoulder. Trent hugged you tightly and you couldn’t hold back the tears that began to run down your face. You bawled his shirt in your fists.

“T… Who was that in the photos?” You sheepishly asked, unable to keep it inside anymore. You wanted to get what felt like the hard bit out of the way. You were lying to yourself and using him as a scapegoat. This wasn’t the hard part by a long shot. No matter his answer, there was a massive elephant in the room and it was you but you couldn’t shake the photos online of him and that woman. The thought of someone else, another girl spending time alone with him. Her somehow becoming his best friend. Him choosing her over you.

“Baby…” He drew out the pet name, saddened you’d seen the photos and imagined something completely incorrect.

“If you did, I’d understand.” You cut him off before he even answered you, excusing an action he didn’t do. He dropped his head back against the couch frustrated this was still where you were at, that things didn’t magically change when you walked back into the house. You believed he could treat you like that and it would be an okay thing, something you might’ve deserved.

“Stop. I didn’t do anything. It was George’s cousin. Baby… we gotta work through this. You need to understand I’m committed to you. This is why I met with her. You need…” He trailed off feeling awkward and terrible for what he was about to say. “ You need help.” He muttered out.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for it all, T, the final, New York. I never wanted to hurt you.” You apologized earnestly.

“You didn’t hurt me, I mean you did but I’m more concerned about you hurting yourself. I was scared. I know Lauren told Jude not to but baby, we’re all really worried. They both told me about what happened in the apartment in New York…” He sighed hating that you were even having to have this conversation. You exhaled his name, defeated feeling the same. “Nah, I don’t want a defense or excuse. I can’t lose you.” He tried to deter you from the innate need to defend yourself.

“Before Wembley… I don’t know. I got too drunk and I was alone and I got sad. It was a one off.” You had no ground to stand on, any reasoning would’ve been illogical but you felt the words jumbled rolling off your tongue.

“It’s not. When Lauren visited, you got so sad, baby. It’s just not, you’ve said it’s happened before. Your dad told me, Winnie’s told me, Lauren’s told me. It might not be happening in front of me but it’s happening. Baby, I get that it…” He tried to keep talking to you but you gave him a face you gave to a lot of people. A facade of interest. A mask being pulled in front of your face, the elastic band snapping behind your head securing it. “Don’t…” he reprimanded you knowing it all too well. “Fine, I can’t understand but I imagine it’s hard to talk about. I’m scared. I’ll be the one to say it, alright? I’m fucking scared, Y/N.” He sheepishly admitted to you. Feeling like he failed by doing so. “We need to go to a doctor. I don’t mean this derogatorily I just think someone could help. I'm out of my depth here. I don’t want anything to happen to you. To my Y/N. To my baby’s mum.” He defeatedly let out. You could feel his heart racing pressed against you. You had so much to say but nothing would come out. You cuddled into him, laying your head on his chest. “I love you so much.” He whispered, breathing you in. Transitioning from sheer desperation to admiration for your body in his hands right now. Jesus Christ, what had happened? In a weird way he began to wonder if he felt like he had used you. “Am I making things worse?” He questioned you terrified of your potentially heartbreaking answer. You shook your head ‘no.’ Why didn’t this stuff go on in front of him? The inability to keep up with a golden boy wasn’t the problem but it was hard to not feel downtrodden. Trent was empathetic, he could hear it in the way you cried in the kitchen before you left.

'You expect me to be this perfect version 24/7 but I’m not. I’m not!” You kept crying. “I’m sorry. Fuck! I’m sorry, I’m trying but I can’t be like you, okay?” You whimpered, feeling defeated and broken.'

You didn’t really blame Trent for being good at well… life. Instead, you felt a crushing amount of guilt and shame for not simply being enough. The inability to measure up not to him but for him. You felt so tender in his arms like if he moved suddenly or too rough you’d break or bruise. He thought about the way he had sex with you, the way he uprooted you to England, the way he got you pregnant. He felt horrible that he inflicted so much on you physically. He just wanted to take care of you but alternatively, you’d never felt less used. The exact scenarios he was recalling flashed through your mind in the most blissfully painful way. You shut your eyes again. You wouldn’t change a thing, a lie, maybe a few things on your end but overall, no. His hands on you felt alleviating and comforting all the time. Even if he was fucking you roughly, even if you were jet lagged flying places to see him, even the grueling process of labor was fine all because he was there.

“Thank you for caring.” You muttered out embarrassingly honestly, finally finding some words that you felt wholeheartedly would be good to start with. Trent’s heart, if it hadn’t already when he saw you come back into your house, it surely did just completely shatter. He kissed your hair and then over your ear before whispering to you.

“I will always care about you. More than you could ever understand. I will do anything for you…” he paused and let out a breathy sigh. “Anything.” The warmth of his breath, the drag of his lips moving down your skin sent a shiver running up your spine.

“T, we shouldn't, it's too soon.” You moaned feeling his lips cascade down the length of your jaw. The mood in the room shifting in slow motion. He didn’t mean to, it just was instinctual. His big hands moving the fabric of your top further and further up, finding more and more of your bare skin. You pushed yourself back into him, rolling your head to the side. Telling him one thing out loud and asking for something completely different silently.

“It’s fine. We’re fine, baby. We’re gonna be fine.” He rattled off, not able to think very clearly lost in a very thick haze feeling your body again.

“We can’t do this, T. I have more to say.” You whined, not meaning half the words you said. You definitely wanted to do this but you also did have more to say. He had no control at this point and you hated that it turned you on so much. His desire for you would always trump any sense of reasoning you had. You couldn’t stop him because the sensations running through you were invincible. The physical attraction and the sexual desire between you would always pull you back together.

“No, no, this is going to be really good. I fucking need you. I missed you so much..” You turned towards him with a desperate look on your face. Your eyes filled with lust. Trent could get hard off the look on your face alone but feeling you again, touching you again was setting him off. He pulled you into a messy make out gripping your face before pushing you backwards onto more of the couch crawling over you. “We need this. You need this.” He whispered, breathing you in and moving his kisses to your neck. You kept him close to you pulling him to you by his face. His hands dropped to your waist. He was right, you needed this, you needed him. His soft warm hands pushed your shirt up to feel more of you.

“I love you, baby.” You murmured your lips unable to not pull into a smile. He sighed into the crook of your neck hearing you say that. You brought your legs to wrap around him digging your heels into his back. You couldn’t think about anything else but him for the last few days and right now was no different.

“I love you so much.” He cooed and his voice never sounded more caring and honest. He spoke into your warm skin, kissing them into the most sensitive part of your neck. The whole thing feels more intimate than ever. Love filling the room to the brim. He reached between you and looped the two layers of his boxer and trousers pulling both off. He revealed his tone v line and you let out an embarrassing moan, you taking your own clothes off swiftly. He pulled away from you and looked at your bare body. You felt so naked and vulnerable, he could sense your nerves. He tilted your face towards his holding your cheek. “What are you being shy about? It’s just me, yeah?” He waited for you. You nodded pulling him back into a kiss. You sighed in the kiss dragging your nails up his chest. He repositioned his body over yours and dragged the tip of his leaking cock through your folds.

“T… please, I need you.” You whined. He smiled happy you were back to your normal comfortable self with him. He slowly eased into your dripping wet pussy. You moaned as Trent treaded carefully moving slowly inside. His face fell into your neck groaning at the feeling of you wrapping around him. He moved slowly but precisely. Your nails dug into his back as he kissed your skin. Each stroke loving and thoughtful. He picked up his pace though lost in the feeling.

“You feel so good, baby.” He grunted pushing your thigh up further to your side, hitting deeper inside you. The grip of his fingers on you dug into your soft thigh. He found the spot inside you only knew, only for him, only for you, repeatedly

“Baby, oh my god, T. I missed you. I’m so sorry. I love you.” You were unable to stop your babbles. Tears began to fill your waterline.

“Don’t be. I love you. You’re here with me. Be here with me. Fuck, you feel so good. Let me take care of you” He inhaled a sharp breath. His dimples s sank into cheeks as he gave a sincerely sad and sympathetic smile. “Tell me your mine, baby.” He murmured continuing to thrust into in a way that was so euphoric your tears began to fall. His voice was breathy against your ear feeling the same amount of emotion you were feeling. The weight of his body on top of yours feeling like nothing compared to the weight lifting off you two. Your orgasm approached faster and faster, minute after minute. He bit onto your earlobe and tugged, grabbing your attention.

“I’m yours, Trent. I’m always gonna be yours.” You whimpered. His mahogany eyes poured back into yours. He felt his heart skip a beat when you pulled him back down into a kiss. He fucked you harder with a harsh grunt juxtaposed by the sweetest kiss to the bridge of your nose. Your hand dragged down from behind his neck down the protruding veins of his arms until you reached the rigid texture of the Patek Phillipe watch he had wrapped on his wrist. The knot in your stomach tightened. It only took a few more mind numbing thrusts before Trent’s head dropped into your neck. Your climax erupting inside of you, your vision going white. His cock throbbed inside of you, beginning to paint your walls. You moaned ‘I love yous’ simultaneously. You felt him pouring into you. Waves upon waves of pleasure coursing through both of you. You hid your face against him. He slowed and you felt your bottom lip quiver against his skin. An uncontrollable sob escaped you. Your emotions bubbled over once more. Trent pulled out as gently as he could. He rolled off of you but was swift pulling you back into him. You clung to him crying.

“I’m right here.” He whispered, pulling you that much closer to him and yet it wasn’t close enough. You wanted to be completely surrounded by him. “Can you look at me, baby?” He sounded so worried. You shook your head ‘no.’ “Y/N…” He grabbed your face gently and turned you towards him. “I need to know you’re okay.” He asked softly. More tears escaped.

“I’m okay… just love you so much, T.” You pouted up at him and you felt his tense hold relax. “I love you.” He pressed a wet kiss to your cheek the way you always pretended to hate but secretly loved. You wiped his wet spit off of you and giggled. Trent felt relief wash over him when he heard his favorite sound in the world.

“Oh wow… so mummy and daddy are… fine.” Lauren laughed carrying Teddy past the cinema minutes okay from upstairs into the kitchen. She was currently FaceTiming Jude biding her time while watching Teddy for you and Trent to ‘talk.’ “I think they’re fine. I mean they’re fucking so it’s either a really good thing or a really bad thing.” She laughed. Hoping for the first option. “Should we make you some lunchtime, hmm?” She cooed to the little girl in her arms while Teddy eagerly nodded trying to grab hold of her phone curious about Jude on the other end.

“You’re good with kids, Laur.” Jude spoke through her phone with a cheeky smile seeing her so attentive and kind to Teddy.

“I think I’m just good with Teddy. She's chill so it doesn’t really count. I know this is how it works but she’s the perfect blend of them. All the best things I like rolled into the cutest, squishiest, baby girl in the whole world!” Lauren sang in a soft voice, pinching at Teddy’s tummy. Her squeal shrieking through the phone, Jude blinking his eyes a few times, taken aback by her response to Lauren.

“All done mama!” Teddy yelled as you met them in the kitchen, flush. You pressed a kiss to Teddy's hair on your way to get the water you needed desperately before attending to her. She had finished eating the lunch Lauren kindly had made for her.

“Good girl.” You cooed with a smile. Lauren sat with a smug look on her face as she waited for the inevitable late entrance of Trent, who, when he did stride in, looked absolutely fucking elated.

“Dada miss mama,” Teddy told you as she saw Trent enter. It was an over simplified way saying Trent had really missed you. He sadly and softly smiled at you hearing her. Your heart broke a little that she’d been able to piece it together, that she could sense Trent’s sad mood.

“Mummy loves you so much.” He’d reassure her feeling completely unsure of what was going on in your relationship.The few nights you were away Trent would tuck Teddy in as she cried. Teddy would fall asleep only comforted by Trent babbling on little stories and tidbits about you, how perfect you were, how much you likely missed her. They’d watch videos of you and he’d melt. “Want to see something baby? Want to see the day I met mummy?” He laughed remembering a specific video he had on his phone, he wanted to watch. Teddy nodded tiredly, adjusting to the new routine activity. He was a little embarrassed he even had it but it made him remember a really good time despite things being so bad right now. You likely didn’t even know this video existed. He kept it in a locked folder on his phone primarily where all your nudes and let’s say spicer videos lived. He smiled seeing you like that. Vulnerable, needy for him and in love. You looked gorgeous. He dragged his thumb over the screen. He just wanted to feel your soft skin again as he carefully picked the video of you out of the roll making sure not to pick the wrong one before he showed Teddy. It was a video Marcel had sent around in a snapchat which seemed mundane at the time. He remembered Jude teasing him about it the following day as you laid on his chest, experiencing a new warm feeling of comfort. The video was strangely endearing, like you could see your connection in real time. Energy and force pushing you together. The earth letting out a sigh of relief finally getting two people that were meant to be connected.

“Mama pwety.” Teddy looked up at him cuddling a plush bear with big sleepy eyes as they looked at the thumbnail before he pressed play. He nodded at her. “Yeah, you have the most beautiful mummy in the world.” He confirmed to your daughter with a sigh before he hit play. Hearing your coquettish laugh in the video cozying up to him in a club years ago just about sent him into cardiac arrest. It hurt. God, did it hurt.

“Oh, I missed you both lots.” You cooed, kissing her. She smiled, little dimples indenting in her cheeks. A very visual confirmation she was Trent’s little girl. You’ve said it before but you were comedically jealous of the genetics Teddy was inheriting from him.

“More plebs!” Teddy screamed, grabbing for you. “Mama, miss!” She giggled loving that you were back and really loving your kisses, kicking her feet in her chair. She greedily hummed. “Lub my mummy.” She squealed excitedly. You wanted to cry but you didn’t want to stop kissing her to so you held off.

“Mummy gives the best kisses, huh?” Trent cooed, bending over in front of Teddy to plant a kiss on your cheek with a hum.

“You’d know…” Lauren quipped cheekily eliciting a proud augh from Trent and a raised eyebrow from you.

When Teddy eventually got sleepy you brought her upstairs for sleep. You went to her nursery and you pouted seeing that Trent had nestled one of your softest jumpers in her crib, the smell of you still lingering. There was a little framed photo of your family moved from its original place propped closer for her to see. You started crying so hard you had to sit down. You couldn’t believe you put your child through this, you couldn’t believe you put Trent through this. Trent came upstairs and you met him in your bedroom after you had calmed yourself down on your own. He held you in bed in a close cuddle.

“I can’t remember ever going to bed without saying goodnight before. I hated this so much, baby.” You whispered into the dark room as he caressed your warm skin under a tiny camisole you had on.

“We’re never doing this again. I’m sorry I got so upset.” He cooed behind the shell of your ear pressing his lips against you. You both stayed awake in a warm cuddle. You didn’t know what time it was but it as the color of sky outside fell into that warm navy color, you’d guess around 4 am though.

“Do you still want to marry me?” You asked after a few hours of not talking, just happy to be back in his arms and good graces. Neither of you wanted to fall asleep but not out of worry, but out of comfort. You didn’t want to lose the cognizance of his presence, what he felt like, what he smelt like.

“Not a single second went by where I ever questioned that, okay?” He hummed. You smiled through a pout. You’d hope that was true. He meant it though. He didn’t waver in his commitment to you. He told Tyler he had no plans of leaving you. Through all of this it didn’t even pop in his head you would call off the marriage. Maybe he was angry and didn’t like how things currently were but not have you, not marry you? Never. You turned around in his arms and pressed a kiss to his lips. He kissed you back and shut his eyes, getting tired, not being able to keep them open anymore. You let him rest but you stayed awake inspecting his features. You brought your hand up to his face and tracing his perfectly plump lips. You brushed your thumb over his high cheekbones. You started to fall asleep then dropping your face in his neck, tucked carefully under his chin, wrapping your arms around his waist, legs tangled together. You kissed his warm skin drowsily, letting him know how much you loved him even while he slept. He woke up first the next day. He did the same as you did last night inspecting your features. The morning sun seeped through your blinds. The golden light casting over you. You looked radiant and luminescent but your soul, your heart, he could feel it. It was more striking than your beauty. He kissed your forehead before pulling you that much tighter to him.

Trent had his last game of the season. It was a little surreal mostly because you realized that when the next season began you would be married, the surname on the jersey you were in, would be your own. Lauren and Marcel accompanied you along with Teddy. You wished Marcel would shut up so you could live in your moment of bliss imagining being his brother’s wife and admire Trent in peace. The way sweat dripped over his adams apple, his jersey sticking a little to his abs, his cheekbones highlighted by the floodlights. He looked unreal. Lauren went inside and Marcel looked at you curiously. You could feel his eyes but you ignored him until he spoke.

“Going to tell me how things have been?” He looked at you completely ignoring the game now. You rolled your eyes but he was persistent.

“Yeah, all fine” You said dismissively, keeping your eyes on Trent whilst tucking a loose curl behind Teddy’s ear. He rolled his eyes now at you.

“Y/N… you know you have to let us in, let him in, let me in. I don’t get why you didn't tell me to begin with?” He spoke, sounding heartfelt, keeping his gaze fixed on you.

“When was I supposed...” You sighed stopping yourself from starting to defend yourself but you could see his brow raise in annoyance. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t want to scare anyone.” You exhaled feeling a lot of guilt wash over you. He was one of your best friends and you had been extremely selfish not considering how he must’ve felt and dense assuming he wouldn’t want to know.

“Well, you did a really bad job.” He laughed and it made you smile. You felt relieved he was at least being normal again with you.

“Marce… “ You sheepishly got out. “I’m so sorry” you apologized earnestly, leaning your head on his shoulder. He rested his head on top of yours.

“We love you. Just want mummy healthy, right Ted?” He cooed picking up Teddy from you from under her arms. Her eyes lit up.

‘Lub mama, Celly!” She giggled, reaching to hug him wrapping herself around his neck. You pulled her Liverpool jersey down for her covering her back. You smiling at her voice. She loved him so much. To be fair, Marcel just had good vibes and since having Teddy you felt like kids had a great gauge of people. There was something that was so endearing about her relationship with him. She trusted him and was comforted by him, it made you feel incredibly relaxed knowing she’d always have her uncles and your sister.

“I’m so glad you’re mine.” Trent whispered, kissing your head. You held Teddy and smiled for the annual end of season family photo you so loved. Trent was staring at you though not the cameras. You had gone down onto the pitch for one final lap after the match. It was lovely as always. Sweet and a bit emotional.

“Always yours.” You cooed, turning to kiss him. Teddy quick to want the same amount of attention you were giving each other. She pulled at your shirt with a cute grunt. “Yes, yes and you are ours, Teddy girl.” You kissed her with an eccentric ‘Mwah!’ her giggle following.

When you finally were driving home, you were tired, Teddy already fast asleep, and Trent absolutely exhausted. Needless to say it was a quiet ride. You looked at Trent as the colored lights lining the motorway leaked into the car. You smiled admiring his beauty. His focus on the road but yours on his jawline strikingly sharp.

“What are you staring at me for?” He laughed, calling you out, flashing his eyes your way quickly. You giggled sliding your hand over onto his face brushing your thumb over his cheek.

“You’re so pretty. Do you know that?” You cooed admiring his annoying perfect skin, despite his annoyingly minimal effort.

“Yeah, obviously.” He replied with a straight face before he couldn’t hold in the cheeky childish smile he was trying to keep down. His perfect grin made your heart hurt. He was so pretty but you rolled your eyes at his pompousness. “Don’t pull a bird like you looking anything but leng.” He turned his adorable look to you.

“Yeah? How did you even manage to bag me?” You teased with a giggle. His smile staying put hearing the sound but he rolled his eyes at your joke. He tapped at his cheek with his free hand, keeping the other draped over the steering wheel. You raised your eyebrows at his gesture.

“Go on…” He instructed you. You laughed again and pressed a kiss where his fingers had been tapping. “Thank youuu.” He sang.

“Ridiculous.” You reached over again to him and squeezed his thigh.

“Erm… Ow? I just played 97 minutes. Keep your hands to yourself.” He quipped. You squeezed his thigh again just because. You knew he liked the attention. He loves when you give it to him and he can just annoy you in return.

“You love my hands on you. So full of it, you know.” You giggled with one more squeeze than attempted to remove your hand but he was quick to place his over top of it to keep it on him.

“I do. I really love your hands on me.” He cooed in a voice that made you feel like you had a juvenile crush on him. You were flustered by the flirtatious comment. He could feel your arm tense a little so instead of keeping your hand on his thigh, he picked it up and brought it up to his lips to kiss the back of it.

“T… do you want to take me on a date this week?” You asked him bluntly, turning the direction of the conversation. You liked him flirting with you right now and you wanted more. You thought it’d be nice to have a night out just you two. Probably a good thing considering what had transpired.

“Yeah? Want me to?” He smiled big again squeezing your hand. You nodded in an adorably naive way. “Yeah, beautiful, I’ll take you out.” He cooed turning towards you again. His mind beginning to comb through ideas of where he wanted to take you. You leaned over once more unprovoked to give him another kiss on the cheek before you tucked back in your seat shutting your eyes and resting your head onto the window. “Alright, sleepy girls, we’re home.” Trent’s voice waking you up from a daze you didn’t know you had fallen into. You turned to him with a tired pout as if to ask ‘can you please carry me inside?’ He laughed getting out of the car. He came around and opened your door but then he stepped away and opened the back seat. “I’m gonna carry our literal baby but if you want to wait I’ll come back and get you.” He mocked you. You obviously weren’t going to wait outside so you begrudgingly got out of the car yourself. Trent picked up Teddy gently making sure she didn’t wake. He held her tight to him. You shut the door of the car for him and followed them, proceeding to slip your arms around his waist and resting your forehead against his back. He shook his head as he got both his sleepy girls to bed.

The next day you were getting ready to go to Dianne’s house up in your bedroom's wardrobe. You were doing your best to get back into your routine. Lauren was still there, leaving soon, but you had promised Dianne you’d go see her with Teddy. She heard rumblings about the situation, naturally. Trent had confided in her early on in your relationship when you first let it slip you had struggled with your health to him. He’d never really thought about something like that affecting someone he knew. He had girl friends and girlfriends but he never had a sister he had to share a bathroom with growing up. He didn’t know girls were skipping meals and doing diets or maybe the more extreme things you had been doing that you shared with him. She of course was empathetic to him and did her best to be a sounding board and not intrude but as a mum, as a person who knew you and loved you, she was concerned. So you promised you’d go.

“Hey… have you seen my Van Clef?” you asked vaguely to Trent. “Like our one?” You clarified more as you were trying to put final touches on your outfit. He puffed out some air realizing that he was going to have to confront his mistake head on. He hated himself. He had been trying to avoid it but of course you were looking for it, you wore it almost everyday.

“Baby…” he called you, watching nervously. You hummed acknowledging him as you dug through your wardrobe thinking maybe you had misplaced it. “It’s not here.” He told you sheepishly. You gave him a side eye confused but when he didn’t speak you turned your whole body to him.

“What do you mean? I don’t understand.” At first, maybe you thought this was some sweet ploy of his. He came to you and slipped his hands around your waist. When he dropped his forehead against yours you felt the energy shift in the room. This wasn’t some goofy thing he was serious about something.

“I had to bring it in to get repaired.” He got his words out so slow you clung to each one in anticipation. Your brow furrowed. He exhaled, dropping his shoulders. He wished he could lie but he knew it'd be wrong to. He was asking you to be honest with him; it would be incredibly hypocritical. “I found it when you were gone and I don’t know I just snapped and then it snapped.” He shut his eyes. You let out a measly ‘oh’ you felt the things he did when it happened. That necklace was your relationship and he had destroyed it. You were definitely in the wrong but it made you feel so sad you were actively trying not to cry or react. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I don’t know what happened it just felt like such a punch in the gut finding it. I though that you didn’t want it or you left it, left me… it hurt. I’m sorry. Fuck.” He babbled incredibly quickly. You usually were fine with his accented words but your eyes narrowed trying to focus your spinning mind on what he was saying. His accent would come in thick sometimes and disappear other days. Relaxing with his friends at home, their words could feel like another language. Nervous doing press, he was more conscious of what he was saying, letting it slip away.

“It’s fine… I guess.” You gave him a soft smile wishing you didn’t say the last bit. “I understand.” You kissed the tip of his nose and pulled yourself out of his hold. The room went ice cold. Trent’s mind was just filled with his inner voice screaming ‘fuck.’ It was hard not to notice the mood change after that. He hated it. “T, I didn’t leave it on purpose…” you told him right before you left, kissing his cheek, holding Teddy and heading to your car. You were so swift; he didn't even have the opportunity to respond.

“Laur... what am I meant to do here? Things aren’t just going to snap back.” Trent sighed, squinting, picking up his hand to shield his eyes to better make out Lauren’s face. They were sitting in your back garden as the English summer sun beat down on them. They stayed at home while you popped to Dianne’s. Despite your upset about your necklace it did make you happy that your best friend and your fiance “I don’t know, sometimes I just feel like a kid. I feel like I’m making stupid mistakes.” Trent was thinking about breaking the necklace. You’d probably be just as upset if he had managed to break your engagement ring but in a way this had stung more. The necklace was a decision he made before, a decision he made off of instinct, under your nose, completely infatuated by you. It was such an indication of how he felt about you from the very beginning and it was gone. A part of you was happy you didn’t have any visual of it all.

“You’re not but I know the feeling. If you didn’t pick up I was going to call your mum the other day. I was in a moment of introspection on the flight over and I almost laughed. Your mum? Oh hiya erm… can you help… embarrassing.” Lauren rattled off what felt like a million different thoughts. She shook her head but noticed Trent faint smirk on his face not pulling into a full smile but drifting into a tight line.

“Maybe we should’ve.” He reflected. Maybe Dianne would’ve been more of a help than him. “Like she’s fine most of the time right? I make her happy? I try so hard and yet some days I can feel it like nothing could ever change it all.” He spoke looking and sounded defeated.

“It’s not you T… She loves you so much. You make her happy, she’ll be okay, but she is the only one that can change it. You’re there for her and that’s the most important. She needs you and Teddy.” Lauren kept her eyes locked on his, making sure he knew she was being serious. She meant what she was saying. He couldn’t fix things but he was essential. Trent responded only with a soft ‘yeah.’ He thought to himself though that what you really needed was for him to repair your necklace and your relationship.

•

Thank you for reading! Please like, comment, or message what you think of the chapter 🤍

Next part - Chapter 21 xx

#trent alexander arnold #trent alexander arnold x reader #trent alexander arnold imagines #taa x reader #taa66 #footballer x y/n #footballer x reader #oursfic #trent alexander arnold smut

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chososchalupa · 9 months

Text

New to school

Fem!Reader x Megumi

♡ About! Yuji’s sister is new to Jujutsu High and Megumi may cause more issues than she’s ready for

Ch.11 - written

WC - 604

You watched wide-eyed as Gojo wrapped his arm around Megumi's shoulder and smiled at you, “You’re free to go. Megumi and I need to have a little chat”

You stood frozen locking eyes with Megumi until you heard Gojo clear his throat, “Oh! Sorry, I’ll go now. Thanks again, Gojo”

You gave him a small smile before rushing out of his office and back to your room. ‘I really hope this works’ you thought as you walked through the halls, ignoring the glances and whispers that surrounded you.

~~~

Gojo watched as you closed his door and waited until he could no longer hear your footsteps before turning back to the angry boy beside him.

“Anything to say, Megs?” He asked

Megumi shrugged, “Yeah, I actually need help with-“

“Not that, Megumi” Gojo interrupted, “What did you do this time?”

Megumi rolled his eyes and went to sit on one of Gojo's chairs, “it was just a prank. Toge and I thought it would be funny. She’s just being dramatic”

Gojo scoffed at Megumi's words, “Funny?” he asked, “You two think it’s funny to turn all of her friends against her? Including her own brother?”

Megumi sat in silence and Gojo spoke again, “Why do you keep acting like this towards her? This is the third time she’s had to come to me because you won’t leave her alone. What is going on?”

Gojo stared at Megumi, almost missing the tears threatening to overflow before he blinked them away and looked back up to meet Gojo's eyes,

“I don’t want to lose him again” he whispered

“What?”

“Ever since she started here, she has been constantly attached to Yuji. He’s always trying to find a way to bring her into our plans and I know it’s stupid, Gojo. But I lost him once and it’s a miracle he was able to come back from that and now she’s here and she’s just taking him away again” Megumi finally let his tears fall before continuing, “I don’t hate her, Gojo. I really don’t. But I just want our old friend group back. I had no one before you brought Yuji and Nobara here and she’s just taking them away” Megumi angrily wiped the tears from his face, “Laugh if you want. I know it’s childish but I don’t care”

Gojo shook his head and knelt down so he was on Megumi's level, “It’s not a stupid reason, Megumi. But you need to understand that she’s not trying to take away your friends. She’s trying to join you, she told me herself, she wanted to be close to you too, not just with Nobara or Yuji”

Megumi chuckled in response, “Our first time meeting she didn’t even say a word to me. We sat at breakfast and she talked to Yuji and Nobara the whole time. I was completely left out”

“Was she purposely leaving you out or were you just pushing them away? It’s a two-way street, Megumi. If you’re distant and cold, why would she try to warm up to you?” Gojo stood as he spoke, “It’s time you grow up, Megumi. I know you’ve been through a lot but the world isn’t out to get you. You can open up and learn to trust people. I lost my best friend when I was younger, I know how you feel but this is not the right way to handle your emotions”

Megumi stared out the window as he listened to what Gojo was saying, “I know” he answered, almost quietly enough for Gojo to not hear him. “I’m sorry”

Gojo sighed at his apology, “It’s not me you need to apologize to, Megs. It’s her. You’ve put her through hell. But before you apologize, you need to tell everyone what you did. Your apology will mean nothing if everyone’s still ignoring her for what you did”

Megumi nodded in agreement, “I’ll go find them now”

“That’s my boy” Gojo smiled as Megumi stood up

“Don’t call me that” Megumi replied, “I’ll be back later, I still need help on this assignment”

~~~

You sat quietly at your desk, music playing softly in the background as you worked on your homework for the weekend when you heard a knock at your door. ‘What now?’ you thought as you opened your door. To your surprise, Yuji and Nobara stood in the hallway, both with sad smiles on their faces,

“Do you guys need something?” You asked

“Yeah,” Nobara started, “We need to apologize. Can we come in?”

Your eyes widened as you backed away from your door allowing them to enter your room. As you shut the door behind them, you were engulfed with a hug from your brother

“I am so so sorry,” he whispered into your hair, “I should have believed you from the start. I guess I was just in denial that Megumi would act that way”

“Yeah.” Nobara agreed, “I knew Megumi had some issues but I didn’t know they’d run this deep”

Yuji finally let you go as you looked at both of them, “What made you guys finally believe me?”

“Megumi told us everything” Yuji answered.

“Everything?”

“Everything. He said he wanted to turn things around but he needed to start with telling everyone the truth. He made a group chat without you and had everyone meet up and he explained why he did what he did and he even cried” Nobara explained with a smile, “I should have believed you from the start, I knew you loved me too much for that text to mean anything” she laughed.

The three of you spent the next few minutes laughing with each other and talking about what really went down the night of the party before you heard your phone ding. You were going to ignore it but it went off again causing Yuji to glance at you with a confused look. You stood and walked over to your desk and opened your phone to see you had two unread messages.

Gumi‼️ - “Hey, I have something I need to talk to you about. I understand if you don’t want to see me but I feel you deserve to hear this in person, not over text”

Gumi‼️ - “This isn’t a prank. I promise. I know you don’t trust me but I’m asking for you to just this once”

“Who is it?” Yuji asked from your bed

“It’s Megumi” You responded, “He wants to meet up. Should I do it?”

“I don’t think it’s a bad idea,” Nobara said, “We can follow you if you want”

You giggled at her statement, “That’s okay. He can’t hurt me more than he already has”

Your fingers danced over the keyboard on your phone before you typed

“Where do you want to meet?”

He read your message almost instantly before typing back “My room? You have some clothes here anyway”

You rolled your eyes at his message before typing back

“On my way”

You locked your phone sliding it into your pocket as you slipped your shoes on. “I’ll be right back” You waved at Yuji and Nobara as you closed your door and headed towards Megumi's room.

──────────────────

Everyone say thank you Gojo for making Megumi finally admit to being a mf asshole

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#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk smau #jujutsu kaisen texts #megumi x reader #megumi fushiguro x reader #bully megumi #itadori sister #megumi fushiguro #nobara kugisaki #yuji itadori #inumaki toge #maki zenin #panda jjk #gojo satoru

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bloodiedrogue · 1 year

Text

A FOOLISH LOVER'S OFFERING (10)

SUMMARY: On the way to Moonrise you and Astarion talk about some important things.

PAIRING: Astarion & Female Reader

WORD COUNT: 3,060

WARNINGS: Spoilers for Act 2 (henceforth there will be spoilers in all chapters here on out), ANGST, mentions of murder.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi this chapter single handedly took every brain cell I had to write so hopefully you like it because I just want to set it on fire for all the grief it has caused me!!

CHAPTER LIST / MASTERLIST / NEXT CHAPTER

“Gods, I hate this place.”

Gripping your torch, you try your best to focus on the Harper’s. How they move through the shadows, navigating every twist and turn without issue, leading you through the pathways.

It hasn’t been long since you’ve started your journey. No longer can you see the shining veil of the Inn but, given what you know, you’re well aware that your destination isn’t nearly ahead either. There’s still plenty of walking to do. A few hour's journey at the least. Perhaps more if Astarion insists on continuing to walk so slowly.

At your side, his eyes scan the trees with a heavy breath, taking in the decrepit scenery at such a leisurely pace that it makes you huff and glance around, noting the distance between you and the others. At this point, you’re close enough that you can still see them but too far to hear what any of them are saying —something you’re certain Astarion’s done on purpose when he plants his arm around your shoulder.

“You know, I happen to find it quite charming. All the dread and despair. It’s a bit like being at home.”

You give him a look, raising your brow only to receive a snort in response, confirming that he’s (thankfully) kidding. “Ha, you think you’re so funny, don’t you?”

“Funny?” He moves his other hand to his chest, placing it against his leathers. “Darling, I’m hilarious.”

“Yes, yes, a real jester.”

His fingers flex around your shoulder, squeezing. “I’ll have you know I’ve always been funny. Even before all this vampiric bullshit.”

“Yeah?”

He nods, a slight thought flashing across his face that makes you wonder what he’s thinking about. Given the circumstances, you assume it’s a thought of the past. Perhaps of his life before Cazador’s reign. When he was merely an elf roaming topside around Baldur’s Gate without a care in the world. You imagine he was funny back then. Mischievous. Probably a little too out there, even for a magistrate considering the personality you’ve grown to love. Based on pure assumption, he probably had more fun in one night than you in a lifetime, spending his hard-earning coin on good food and drinks and—

“It’s rude to stare, you know.” He pulls you tighter into him, using his free hand to pluck the torch out of your hand so that you can wrap yourself around him. As you do, both of you breathe a sigh of what feels like relief, even though you’re currently experiencing anything but.

“Sorry.”

“Well, you were staring at me, so I suppose I can forgive.”

“Many thanks, my liege.”

He growls suggestively under his breath, making you scoff. “My liege, hm, I could get behind that.”

“Of course you could.”

“My liege,” he repeats, tasting it on his tongue, eyeing you with a lusty gaze that doesn’t quite make its mark.

Which only furthers the assumption that he’s deep inside his head still. Sifting through thoughts you’re completely unaware of as you walk in tandem to your potential untimely end. Almost immediately, it makes you wonder if maybe this is the right time to start asking questions. To finally speak up about the inquiries that have filed through your skull. Because after this, there’s no telling where you may find yourselves. You could be killed or locked away —lost to an abyss of some kind.

The options are endless; however, time is not, so instead of stewing in the silence you currently find yourselves in, you look up at him, taking in the shape of his face.

You’ve known him long enough now to know that the comments he often makes about his beauty are true. In appearance, he’s almost otherworldly. A beacon of well-aged flesh your eyes feel constantly drawn to. Whenever he’s around there’s this feeling of awe that comes forth. A subtle beating in your chest that quickens each time he’s present. When you look at him —really look at him— your eyes tend to open a little wider, surprised by how every feature seems to fit so perfectly in place. How everything feels uncharacteristically cohesive given his time spent abused beneath the moon, forced to stave and serve for all eternity.

If it weren’t for the issue of Cazador you’d be convinced he was blessed by the Gods themselves. Melded by their very hands to create a being of such high temptation and desire. You imagine them brainstorming his existence. Tirelessly spending weeks on end crafting the perfect specimen that would ultimately end up broken.

You realize then, taking in the lines that have developed throughout countless bouts of false grinning, that the very thing he loves most about himself was more than likely the result of his own downfall.

A downfall you find you’re still curious about. Even after your conversation, Astarion’s life before all this still holds an air of mystery. Between details already revealed, there are still patches of missing information. Sections of time where assumptions feel wrong but asking feels just as bad. And because of that, deep down, you know you should leave the curiosity alone. Pack it into the back of your mind for later use, but with the oncoming war and no determined outcome, you instead loosen your hold and take a side step.

“Can I ask you something?”

He narrows his eyes, readjusting his position now that you’re not locked against him, suddenly looking awkward as he puffs out his chest. “Depends.”

“On?”

“Whether or not the question is going to be depressing,” he replies. “Because you have that look in your eye.”

“What look?”

He reaches out to poke your forehead, pressing it roughly. “The one where your brows look like they’re going to become one at a moment’s notice.”

Swatting his hand away, you twitch your brows back into their proper positioning, annoyed. “I was going to ask about Cazador,” you tell him, truthfully. “I know he’s probably not a topic you want to discuss as we waltz to our potential doom but —I don’t know— I just have questions.”

He sighs deeply, drawing out his breath before giving you an unimpressed look that speaks volumes.

He doesn’t want to talk about it. Nor do you, but at the same time, you’re at the point where you’re unable to deny your interest because Astarion’s your friend. A companion you cherish more than you know you should. A person whose well-being is so important you’d virtually do anything to maintain it. Which is why you’re determined to pry a bit more than usual. Taking these final moments you have to yourself to ask the one question you’ve been wondering for ages.

“What will you do about him? When this is all over.”

Surprisingly, there’s no hesitation in his words when he tells you he’ll kill him. As you continue along the path, listening to him come up with all the vile ways he’d do it, you find yourself strangely calm. Numb almost to the descriptions of stakes being driven into hearts or knives slicing through jugular veins. Lost in the way he throws your torch around with every passing phrase.

“Personally, I think a stake to the heart’s a bit cheap,” you eventually comment, watching him laugh. Hearing the way the sound quickly flutters out and hits your ears, making you smile despite the subject matter.

“It’s a classic for a reason, my dear.”

“Is it though? I mean, in my experience there’s far better ways to kill someone.”

“Is there, now? Do tell.”

You’re not sure if it’s just because you’ve grown used to the excessive violence throughout your journey or because Astarion’s tendencies have potentially rubbed off on you. Either way, as the two of you joke of his master’s demise you find yourself wondering if maybe such a result is even plausible. Sure, you’ve never killed a vampire. Hell, before Astarion you’re not even sure you’ve seen one up close, but for him, you’d be willing to try. Especially given the ever-growing lack of regard for your own safety.

“Honestly, the only thing that’s coming to mind is cutting him open and doing something to his innards.”

His brows shoot up in surprise, making you laugh. “Mm, a cold-blooded killer after my own heart.”

You roll your eyes, prompting his hand to subtly grip your own. Tangling your fingers together, he raises your palm carefully up to his lips and places a lingering kiss. One that tickles your flesh long after he’s gone, leaving you grinning like a fool, wondering if this is what love feels like.

You imagine it is. Deep beneath the surface, your chest is tight but not with fear. Instead, there’s only warmth that spreads —a growing sensation of heat that wraps around your lungs and heart. Filling you with this discomforting ache that only he can alleviate. So much so that it makes you want to scream sometimes, knowing he’s the cause. That somehow through his charms and tricks he’s managed to find a home inside your chest without permission. How he’s sliced you open with that wicked grin and crawled inside, calling you darling all the while.

It makes you wonder if he feels the same. If all the afflictions he’s given you are returned in some capacity. If when you look at him his mouth goes dry or his heart skips a beat. Or the longing to be near is indeed reciprocated and not just another plot to keep you close.

Because sometimes it’s hard to tell.

Throughout your journey, you’ve gone back and forth a hundred times, debating the possibilities —weighing the pros and cons of every interaction that you’ve ever had. Even now, knowing such trivial thoughts should be the last thing on your mind, you can’t help but wonder: does he care for you? Truly? Does he think of you? Does he look for you? Within his everyday thoughts does your presence linger in the background, waiting for the right moment to be put on full display for him to admire?

Does he love you?

“You know, if you ever need help with the whole murdering Cazador thing…”

It sounds ridiculous when you say it. So nonchalant and unfazed. Even you have to cringe at the way you trail off, waiting for him to speak. Praying that he’ll laugh or scoff or say literally anything to fill the silence you find yourselves walking through.

It takes him a while but eventually, you hear him quietly sigh, his gaze moving to view your nervous face. “It won’t be easy, you know. Cazador isn’t some vagabond with a blade, he’s—“

“I know.”

“No, you don’t.”

He says it like a warning. As if he’s preparing to scold you for speaking out of term, narrowing his eyes with a huff. “Darling, I appreciate the enthusiasm but Cazador —he’s different. He’s not like the villains we’ve faced thus far. He isn’t motivated by greed or lust. The only thing he wants is power. Power over me —over you.”

He pauses then, swallowing hard. Making it apparent then that this hypothetical conversation of murderous jokes has turned into something far more real. That your offering is no longer a mere gesture of kindness but instead a potential act of solidarity. One that you extend further by running your thumb along his, applying a bit of pressure at the joint, feeling him twitch.

“You know there’s very little I wouldn’t do for you, right?”

In an instant his eyes are on you, staring in surprise, trying to process the words that’ve just spilled through your lips. At first, they’re focused on their position, fully immersed in the way you clear your throat, trying to suppress a nervous laugh as you continue to grip his hand. Not long after though, they start to go distant, moving past your face to view the trees behind you, fizzling out of reality so quick that all you can do is try to pull him back.

“I know you probably think I’m in idiot for even suggesting that fact that I may be capable of killing someone who spent centuries in control of so many people—“

“A bit, yes.”

You snort, watching him slowly start to return to you, his lips curling into a half smile you can’t help but reach out and touch, stopping your stride. “But I would do anything you asked of me. Even if it meant death, I would kill that bastard for you without hesitation. Whatever way you wanted, whether it’s decapitation or throwing him off a bloody cliff or—“

The light of the torch shifts as his hand slips out of yours, taking hold of your head to guide you to his lips. To press his mouth to yours with such need that the breath within your lungs is ripped out. Swallowed behind his starving tongue —lapping whatever life you have to offer as his hand drifts over your cheek, taking hold of your flesh to keep you from leaving.

Standing still, you can feel the tenseness of his frame as it all happens. How aside from his mouth and hand the rest of him refuses to move, prompting you to reach out, running your hands along his sides, coaxing him to relax.

When his body does, you slowly pull away, sucking in air like your life depends on it, watching with half-lidded eyes and swollen lips as he opens his mouth to speak, stuttering out something incoherent before swearing under his breath.

Narrowing your eyes further, you watch him struggle to speak, wondering what could be going on in that complicated brain of his as he turns his body, releasing you from his grasp in favour of moving forward again.

Immediately, it makes you drop your jaw in annoyance, watching his hands move towards his hair, gripping his locks in frustration as you hear him mutter to himself and continue to move, leaving you behind.

“Hold on, you’re just going to kiss me like that and walk away?”

He doesn’t even turn to acknowledge you as you yell, making you even angrier as you race toward him, placing a rough hand against his shoulder to gain his attention.

“Astarion—“

“Do you mean it?”

Your mouth twitches when he turns, looking at you with angry eyes. Scanning you with knitted brows filled with so much frustration all you can do is breathe and nod.

“Why?”

Because I love you.

“Because…”

“Tell me.”

Your mouth is drier than it’s ever been, making it hard for you to form the words as you feel your tongue poke out to wet your lips. “I—“

His shoulder shifts from your grasp in one quick motion, leaving you bare —untethered and weak against the aggression of his eyes staring you down. “You know, I’ve spent centuries coming up with all the ways I’d do it. How I’d kill him if given the chance.”

You watch his gaze move to the trees again, travelling elsewhere even though you’re here, standing still in front of him, already wondering how you'll get him back.

“Despite the scenarios being nothing but my foolish imagination running rampant, every time I end up suffering. Forced further into madness —pushed to the brink of what my body is capable of handling.” He shakes his head before raising it, blinking back tears that make your body ache. “Even in my wildest dreams I cannot win against his torment and yet… the moment you mention it… the moment you look at me with those eyes—”

Hearing him choke back a nervous laugh, this time it’s you who’s on him, clutching his face with both hands, pressing your thumbs to the inner corners of his eyes to wipe away the liquid that continues to pool.

“Why are you so willing to help me do the unimaginable?”

This time there’s no hesitation. No moment of thought that graces your mind as you smile up at him, pulling him further down with shaking hands to press your forehead to his. “It’s because I love you,” you tell him then. Barely above a whisper, you let it filter out like smoke, allowing it to envelop him entirely as you breathe and take him in, watching the way his lips unfurl and the anger laced within his features slips away. “And because the thought of allowing him to live after what he did to you fills me with a kind of rage I’m not sure I’ve ever felt before.”

His hand moves to stroke the side of your neck. Gently, his fingers run across the bite marks he's inflicted, marking their positions with two subtle taps before they glide away, rooting themselves at the back of your head for support. Forcing you to remain in the moment, realizing what you’ve just said.

It’s hardly the right time to admit your feelings. But then again, given the circumstances, you quickly remember that there really isn’t one. Considering you're in the middle of a war, on your way to Ketheric’s base, it’s very unlikely you’ll have a spare moment to clear your mind and properly say all the things you’ve been itching to say.

Until the end, it’ll always feel like something’s missing —like you’ve forgotten an important phrase or detail. That whatever you say will never be enough to fully convey the weight of how he makes you feel each time he looks you up and down or makes you laugh.

Even as you stand before him now, holding him tight —watching the tears within his eyes threaten to spill once again, you know nothing you say will ever amount to the ache inside your chest, knowing that you’ve managed to give him the last sliver of hope you have to offer.

“I love you, Astarion,” you repeat then, praying this time it holds its weight. That the nervous rush inside your stomach passes through and all you’re left with is the kind of warmth you’ve only read about in stories.

His jaw is slack as you repeat your confession, shifting in a way that makes you more nervous than it should, watching him blink and hearing him breathe —doing everything but speak the words you want to hear as Shadowheart calls your name, pulling you both away to notice the annoyed look on her face as she tells you to hurry up.

TAGLIST:

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#a foolish lover's offering #astarion #astarion bg3 #astarion fan fic #astarion series #astarion x female reader #astarion x reader #astarion x you #summer writes

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dark-frosted-heart · 1 month

Text

Roger Barel Main Route - Mad Love Epilogue

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. I’m doing this for archiving purposes and you can probably find a better translation out there.

nsfw, minors dni

A season had passed since I decided to throw everything away for Roger.

Alfons and Elbert: Roger’s cheating?

I confided my recent troubles to the two as we ate the sweets that Liam had brought back as souvenirs.

Elbert: …Why do you think so?

Kate: As Roger’s exclusive fairytale keeper, Roger and I have been doing everything together, haven’t we? Lately, something hasn’t been feeling right when we’re together. For example, after sleeping together, I find him gone the next morning. And the other day—

~~ Flashback ~~

Kate: Huh? Roger, are you getting off here?

Roger: Yeah, I got something I need to do. Be a good girl and head home.

Kate: Eh, ah…Roger!

~~ End flashback ~~

Kate: —Something like that happened. Still, that’s not enough proof so I don’t think—

Alfons: Guily. He’s 100% cheating.

Kate: Huh?

Alfons: Consider this. Before he met you, he was a man that would only have one night stands to satisfy his sexual urges. He may know romantic love, but a person’s nature doesn’t just change. That man doesn’t consider it cheating and continues doing what he does.

(...I-Isee. I’m in shock and my head’s spinning)

Kate: …If that were the case, then how do I keep Roger’s heart?

Alfons: Oh, you’re not thinking “I’m going to dump him!”?

(I wonder if I’d feel more at ease if I did)

Kate: It’s how it is. I could never hate him.

Alfons: Poor Kate. If that’s the case, let me show you a better method.

Elbert: …? …??

When Kate left after Alfons showed her the “better method”, Elbert somberly opened his mouth to speak.

Elbert: Al.

Alfons: What is it? You’re giving me quite the look of disapproval.

Elbert: …You liar.

Alfons: Oh my, you sound like Harrison. Yes, what I said about him “absolutely cheating” was a lie. That damn egoist is so madly in love with Kate it makes me laugh. No doubt he is doing something for her.

Elbert: …Then why did you say he was cheating?

Alfons: It was just a way for me to pass the time of course. After all, I am the type that loves causing trouble without taking any responsibility for it. And… Minor issues are nothing but a bit of spice for a pair in love’s lives.

(...Alright, now I just have to wait for Roger to come back)

At that moment, the door to Roger’s room opened—

Roger: Oh, Kate. You’re here? I was just about to go see you—

Kate: Roger!

Roger: Hm? Hmm?

I tackled Roger and kept pushing…

Roger: Woah!

Eventually I pushed him down onto the bed.

Alfons: Be more bold and sexy…Nothing is more arousing than that. All you need to do is make him believe so. If you torment his body, you’ll have his heart!

Kate: Roger…please open your mouth.

Roger: ……What? Mnn…

I placed a hand on his cheek and gave him the most sensual kiss I could muster.

I know I’m an idiot for just accepting everything Alfons said, but that’s just how deeply and madly in love I am with Roger.

While I was trying out different methods, I smelled perfume I didn’t recognize on Roger and I felt a lump in my throat.

Kate: …Haaa, Roger…I know you’ve been distracted by someone else.

Roger: …O_O

Kate: But I can’t be without you. So… I’m going to make you fall in love with me over and over! I will absolutely not give up!

Roger: Pfft… Hahahahaha! You really are growing into my type of woman. Amazing.

Kate: W-what? Don’t try to change the subject!

Roger: I’m not trying to. And who the heck’s distracting me?

Kate: You’ve been acting weird lately. And look! You smell like perfume right now!

Roger: Let’s start from the beginning, Kate.

Roger: Damn it, Al. He was saying shit to provoke you again. With how you are, you should know you’re an easy target.

Kate: …I’m ashamed of myself. But the perfume—

Roger: I went back to my folks’ place. My little sister was there so we hugged as a greeting.

(I see. I do remember you saying you have a lot of younger brothers and sisters)

Kate: …Your folks’ place?

Roger: Kate, hand me the bag over there.

I handed him the bag he had tossed aside when I pushed him down and he took out a stack of papers.

Roger: Since I’m the eldest son, I have the deed to the Barel family’s land. And this is the account where the property and assets are saved. And this—well, we can look over it later. All of this will be yours someday.

Kate: W-wait! I’m confused…Why are you giving me something so valuable?

Roger: Why?...Well*

Roger smiled and sat up halfway with me still straddling him.

Roger: You threw everything away, your house and your job, for the one you love. I know it’s not easy to let go of what you’ve built up. The whole time I was thinking if there was anything I could do for you.

Kate: The whole time?

Roger: Yeah, the whole time. It’s the first time I’ve been thinking about something other than research.

(Roger’s been preparing this for me this whole time)

(But…)

Kate: Why?

Roger: Because I love you.

Kate: I-I already know that! But this…

Roger: Yeah, looks like an inheritance, like I’m dying, doesn’t it?

Kate: ……Yes.

Roger: I won’t go so easily. In fact I’m even thinking about doing research on how to live longer.

I blinked at the absurd thought and Roger lowered his voice just a bit.

Roger: But I can’t promise you that I won’t die. There’s a chance that you’ll get left behind. If that time comes, I wanna be sure you’re not lonely or helpless. That’s all. After everything we’ve been through, you’re not gonna forget me right?

Kate: …

Roger: Kate. If you give something up, I’ll make up for it. This isn’t some sort of kind devotion though. It’s my ego wanting to completely fill your life with me.

It’s like I was choking on the love Roger threw at me without hesitation.

Kate: …Roger.

Roger: …Hm?

Kate: You love me, don’t you…?

Roger: Pfft, haha! A little late to ask that, dummy.

Roger removed his glasses and kissed me.

(Ah…)

Kate: …You have dark circles.

Roger: Haven’t been able to sleep well lately. Probably for the past 2 or 3 days?

Kate: Sleep! Now!

Roger: Don’t wanna.

Kate: Eh?

Roger: Still need to punish you for thinking I was cheating. And I haven’t held you for days.

Roger never hides his desires at times like this.

Every time I’m hit with his desire, my own desire grows in response…

Kate: Then…get some sleep after.

Roger: You know, you’re so cute that I don’t know if you’re gonna be okay in the future. But it’s fine. I’ve caught you.

Kate: Huh..Eep…

My view flipped as Roger pushed me down on the bed.

As he displaced my blouse and rained kisses down my neck, my body became hotter, more pliant, and ready.

Roger: Hm, what’s with the sexy underwear?

Kate: Ah, I got this from Alfons—

Roger: …I hate it. I’m tearing it off.

Kate: Ah…!

After tearing my underwear off, Roger’s rough hands grabbed my breasts.

I bucked my hips as his wet tongue lapped at my nipples, which started to stiffen from stimulation.

Kate: Ah, nnnn.

Roger: Haha…You’re so red. I was gonna punish you, but you’re too cute.

Roger placed his hands on my knees and his lips between my legs—

Roger: Instead, I’m gonna show you how I’m so in love with you that I’d never cheat.

Kate: Eh, ah…ahh!

While licking my bud, thick fingers entered me and started thrusting in and out. A dizzying sense of pleasure shot through me.

Obscene sounds could be heard…

Kate: Nn, ah…if you…

Roger: You’re such a good girl, getting all wet when I lick you here.

Even after reaching my climax several times, Roger’s hand didn’t relent and instead, did more embarrassing things to me.

(...I can’t anymore…)

Kate: Roger…Haaa…

Roger: Didn’t I teach you how to beg? Come on, what do you say when you want something?

There was a clanging of something metallic and Roger undid his pants.

I gulped as he rubbed the tip along my wet folds.

My body was already very familiar with the pleasures of having something that big inside.

Kate: …Roger…please…

Roger: …A little weak, but it’ll work for tonight. Alright, Kate. I’m putting it in.

Kate: Ah, ahhhhnnn…

Roger: Come on, don’t squeeze so much already.

The guilty pleasure of being split open as Roger entered me was so arousing.

Shirt disheveled, Roger stopped moving.

Roger: …Ha…Does it hurt?

(It doesn’t. No, it’s something more)

Kate: It feels so good…So go ahead, Roger. Do whatever you want.

Roger: …Haha, don’t have to tell me twice.

Kate: Ah, aaahhh.

My palms which were once empty, were now overflowing with things Roger gave me.

The thought of losing him scared me.

—But.

(I want to love you as I enjoy this moment without being scared of losing you)

Kate: Roger, let’s be together for as long as possible.

It was out of character for Roger to brush my bangs aside and kiss me on my forehead.

Roger: …Heh, you fell asleep first.

As he watched his lover sleep, he pulled a lab coat out of his bag.

The lab coat was custom-made with Kate’s name embroidered on the chest.

He gently laid it over Kate’s body.

Roger: I won’t go down that easily. But… When that time comes, you’ll take over my life’s work.

As he laid next to Kate, his true thoughts unconsciously spilled out.

Roger: A~ah, I don’t wanna die…

At this moment, the sands in his life’s hourglass continued to fall indifferently.

But unfortunately, fighting back was his specialty.

Roger: I’ll do as much as I can. For this cute one’s sake.

Tonight, the world’s full of despair.

However, at this moment, he’ll scrape up a spoonful of hope and fall into a dream with his love.

Tomorrow, he’ll fight against despair again.

So that he can live with his love for a second longer.

*Roger makes a dad noise (よっと yotto) here.

#ikemen villains #ikevil #ikevil jp #ikevil translations #roger barel #ikevil roger #ikevil roger route

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xzaddyzanakinx · 6 months

Note

Thoughts on Anakin being with someone else that also has bpd?

Disaster Zone: domestic violence, abuse

He would both love and hate that his partner was clingy. He wouldn’t feel abandoned or worried they’d leave. He would feel suffocated. He would feel like they have ulterior motives because there’s no way someone could love as big as he can love.

He would be paranoid that it’s all a sinister plot to destroy him, break his heart and ruin his image.

He’d try to be rational. He’d try to appreciate that you’re practically glued to his hip. He’d shove down the feeling of being trapped and recategorize it as a bear hug of love (that keeps getting tighter and tighter until you’ll squeeze his head off). He’d attempt to be understanding, after all who better to understand your behaviors? He’s the BPD king.

He’s so conflicted because all he’s ever wanted was to be loved deeply, cherished, held close to someone’s heart. But now that he’s actually got that? He misses being horrifically lonely. He misses the drama of fighting for love. It doesn’t feel real because he doesn’t have to work for it.

He’d start to have episodes over little things to avoid the bigger issue.

You’re chewing too loud?

‘Can you shut your goddamn mouth? God that’s disgusting.’ He’d say as he shoves your plate away from you.

You’re wearing something that he used to love seeing you in, but now it just reminds him of before. Before he started to doubt you.

‘You still have that?’ He scoffs. ‘No I don’t like it, it makes you look fat. Take it off, go change. I’m not going out with you looking like that.’

You promised him spaghetti but realized too late that you only have bow-tie pasta?

He walked into the kitchen, sliding an arm around your waist to hug you while you stand at the stove.

‘What’s that? That’s not what I asked for.’ He said annoyedly.

‘We didn’t have the right noodles Ani.’ You’d snap back.

‘You could’ve called me. I drove right past the dollar store.’ He released your waist and moved you away from the stove with a careless shove.

‘It’s still pasta! I didn’t think it’d be a big deal!’ You scowled, crossing your arms, your face heating up as your sadness bubbles into anger. ‘What the fuck is your problem lately?’

‘Well it is a big deal because it’s NOT WHAT I FUCKING ASKED FOR!’ He turned around holding up the wooden spoon you had been using to stir with. ‘You never listen to me. How hard is it to listen? What do I have to do, huh?’ He jerked toward you like he was going to bring the spoon down across your face.

‘Go on, I’ll finish this.’ He growled, lowering the spoon and turning around to finish up dinner.

As you walked away you thought you heard: ‘stupid bitch.’ Muttered under his breath.

You asked him what he was doing?

Anakin had just gotten home an hour ago, took a shower, changed into some sweatpants sans tshirt and he had his half empty cigarette pack in his hand, rhythmically tapping the pack against the counter top while he search the junk drawer for a lighter.

‘What’re you doing?’ you asked with a laugh.

‘What’s it look like?’ He grumbled. ‘Someone keeps moving my shit around.’ He turned to shoot a quick glare over his shoulder at you.

‘What? I never touch your smokes.’ You scoffed, a puzzled look on your face. ‘Did you check your work jacket?’

‘Did I check- yes! Yes I fucking checked it, I’m not an idiot.’ He snapped, finally finding a spare lighter, he turned on his heel and pointed it toward you. ‘Go find it. I know you moved it, it’s cause you don’t like when I smoke inside isn’t it?’

‘No!’ You stood up and went over to his work jacket and fished around in the pockets, finding it almost immediately you held it up and shook it at him. ‘I don’t care that you smoke inside! Jesus, here!’ You tossed it at him.

‘You did that on purpose!’ He caught the lighter as it smacked his chest. ‘You just wanted to make me feel stupid.’ He sneered, turning around to go out to the back deck to smoke instead of sitting in his recliner.

You returned to your spot on the couch and mumbled something he didn’t quite catch.

‘You back talking me?’ He snorted, whipping his arm out to the side to chuck the extra lighter at the back of your head.

He’d be so happy initially, then all those feelings and insecurities would eat him up inside until it was a blow up so massive that the cops get called by the neighbors.

You slipped into bed for the night next to Anakin, he scooted over to let you have your extra room to sprawl out in. He’d already turned on the show you two had been watched recently so he laid the remote on his chest and slipped his arm under your head to get comfy.

You on the other hand, couldn’t get comfortable. It was hot, the fan was on but wasn’t on the right setting. The blankets were too hot so you kicked them off, but it left your feet cold. Anakin laughed at your struggle to get cozy and you smacked his arm lightly, playfully. But he didn’t seem to think it was funny. His laughter died down and his jaw clenched tightly.

Finally you’d settled down and Anakin had begun to drift off to sleep, when you shifted again, pulling yourself against his chest and nuzzling against him.

‘Jesus.’ He scoffed, pushing you off of him, he stood up and yanked his pillow out from underneath your head.

‘What’s wrong? Where are you going?’ You asked, concern and confusion lacing your tone.

‘Shut up.’ He grumbled as he walked to the bedroom door.

‘Wh- did you just tell me to-‘

‘Yeah I did.’ He snapped, his hand on the bedroom door. ‘So shut your damn mouth. I don’t want to hear it. You’re grating on my last nerve.’

‘What? Why? What did I do?’ Your rapid fire questions only serving to cause yourself panic and pour lighter fluid on his flame of anger.

‘Everything!’ He yelled, ‘everything! Everything you do pisses me off! Just shut the hell up and leave me alone!’

‘I’m sick of you! Never a moment of peace! You’re always hanging off me like some sad little bitch baby.’ He snarled, ‘so damn clingy! I can’t even go sleep on the couch without it being a goddamn interrogation!’

He whipped the bedroom door open and stormed out with you following close behind him, you grabbed the pillow and tore it out of his hand.

‘You’re not sleeping on the couch! Just talk to me! Tell me what-‘

You couldn’t finish your sentence before he swung around and connected his knuckles to your cheek, a sickening *thunk* rang out as the shock out what he’d just done settled in.

Pls don’t hate me for this, I know that no one wants to think of Ani as being abusive, I also know that some people will be offended that I’ve used BPD in correlation with domestic violence. But to be perfectly clear!!! I have BPD and I 100% believe that this and worse would happen in an Ani x BPD reader situation.

#star wars anakin #anakin skywalker #anakin smut #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin x reader #star wars #anakin x you #sw anakin #darth vader #darth vader smut #anakin fanfiction #anakin skywalker x you #anakin skywalker x reader smut #anakin skywalker fanfiction

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cinnamonest · 8 months

Note

I remember once you wrote about Kaeya punishing the reader with his cryo vision and I was wondering what other characters do you think would be more inclined to use their gifted abilities? Any that would stay away from it? ALSO I just wanted to say I love that you never say y/n that always pulls me out of the immersion personally, the way you allude to the readers name instead feels so much more natural and enjoyable

Ahh thank you! I’m glad you appreciate that because that is something I do intentionally, I have nothing against the standard “(y/n)” but I just personally prefer the feel/flow of having the name referenced indirectly, so I try to write my stuff that way.

Certain elements work better for such a thing than others, but there's 3 major candidates:

Baizhu has certainly learned to manifest flora in creative ways — and you provide a great test subject for it too! Thankfully unlike pyro or cryo or the like, dendro doesn’t inherently cause harm on contact, or rather can be utilized in ways that are more focused on practical utility, namely restraint. Sometimes if he thinks you need to calm down a bit, or if he just gets a bit of a craving for watching you squirm (which is far more frequent of an occurrence than you’d like), he gradually learns to create tendrils to keep you restrained. Admittedly, the intricacy of what he manages to create is actually rather beautiful… or it would be if you were viewing it under any other context than being strung up like clothes on a drying rack.

Realistically, Cyno would be a primary candidate for this — he’s got the disciplinarian mindset, so if a vision can be utilized productively for such a purpose, why not? Of course, he’s sure to be mindful of the intensity, he’s well aware that going too far with it could genuinely harm you, and he wouldn’t want that. Still, if you have some specific issue he feels you need to work on, administering shocks can be a good means of reinforcement. You know, just as a means of being a reminder when you do the thing you were told not to do. With him, though, part of what makes it so irritating is that he treats any discussion of it with the most deadpan voice and expression. No he’s not going o stop doing it, why would he, it works just fine. You’re overreacting. It wasn’t that bad. Why are you making that face. You’re so upset and he barely did anything. Huh. Well, at least it’s good you’re staring off at a low tolerance, since it will only go up from here…

Diluc is in a bit of a different position because out of all the elements, fire has the most serious immediate-harm potential and lasting damage. You can get over a mild shock or some cold, but a burn can do lasting damage. So he avoids using it on you… intentionally, at least. However, there will definitely be some accidents that occur in moments of irritation or disputes. He genuinely feels bad about it, but it happens nonetheless, and it does effect your behavior — you start watching what you say a little more during arguments, think before speaking exactly what comes to mind — so it does effectively remediate your behavior, so, it technically counts.

#.dl #.cn #.bz

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tavina-writes · 10 months

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MDZS Society! aka: there's a lot less killing than you'd expect

This follows from this post and also the recent translations of MXTX’s most recent interview (which I can now no longer bother to find bc this has been sitting in drafts for like, siiiix months? More? Oh god anyway.) which reminded me about my feelings regarding MDZS society and how different it is from the martial societies we see depicted in typical modern wuxia. (Small disclaimer, I am a wuxia genre fiend and I love like, thinking about fictional societies so this is like, “AHA! You’ve unlocked my trap card!”)

For the purposes of this, I’m going to be looking at MDZS/CQL’s depiction of the jianghu (which I think is fairly similar! I don’t actually think the show writers made CQL’s jianghu/martial society more genre typical than it was in the book) and comparing that with modern classic wuxia (mostly Jin Yong and Gu Long works.) For this comparison, I’ll be looking at a Jin Yong book — Legend of the Condor Heroes (which is widely considered the starting point of modern wuxia as a genre) — and one Gu Long book — Dagger Li/Sentimental Swordsman, Ruthless Sword (widely considered his most popular work) — and seeing how their societies differ from MDZS society.

This will likely come in two parts because this one was already getting long, and I don’t think we can fit “how often does nobility exist in a typical jianghu and what do bloodline sects look like normally versus what they look like in MDZS” in this post along with the main topic of “is MDZS society a particularly physically violent place?”

This post discusses how often cultivators are socially expected to kill people. Like, actual living human beings instead of, say, monsters or ghosts which have been categorized differently than like, human beings.

EDIT: I forgot to talk about Dagger Li but this was already much too long sorry. Feel free to hmu for more thoughts though.

Now, it might be easy to think that cultivators killing actual people is a really common thing in MDZS/CQL universe! After all, they do have martial arts training and one of the prominent things about the first life is just how many people die both in the Sunshot Campaign and the fallout afterwards. However, I would argue that a lot of the traumas and related issues and reactions that happen in MDZS happen because cultivators are, by training and education, not actually prepared for killing actual living breathing human beings! (And also that the morality of this world prevents it for the most part)

Now, we do actually get a pretty good window into what the typical training is like for young cultivators in MDZS, because we get a fairly well defined schoolhouse scene where LQR is asking them questions about "how do you tell the difference between various different problems we have to solve?" and "how do you go about fixing this problem?" and none of those include the moral quandary of "if I, a young cultivator out in the Jianghu, see a guy who is doing something I morally disagree with, under what circumstances do I beat him up and/or kill him." This does not appear to enter the curriculum at any point, leading me to believe that the morally correct number of people not like, ghosts or ghouls or fierce corpses, a regular average MDZS cultivator is supposed to have killed is approximately 0.

Which. Is a thing you get in a normal martial arts wuxia jianghu. There is generally the threat of "oh yeah this that or the other faction will be doing shitty things and thereby try to murder you." Instead, in MDZS/CQL most of the heirs of sects are...attending school together. Doing teenage things like partying and gossiping and attending classes.

And sure yes, there was a case of WWX and JZX trying to beat each other up. But the sects did sure let their kids stay at Lan summer camp for months on end (sometimes repeatedly, see NHS) without fearing for their lives or that anyone would steal another sect's techniques or otherwise causing real havoc or intersect warfare etc.

Which is infeasible in any other sort of Jianghu situation. For example, contrast this scenario with this scene from LOCH where Guo Jing's shifus are giving him advice since he is newly 17 and about to set out by himself into the great big world:

Guo Jing therefore bid farewell to his teachers. They had witnessed his battle against the Four Demons of the Yellow River, and were not too greatly worried. The young man had proved that he knew how to use the skills that they taught him. Therefore they let him leave alone. On one hand, the meeting of outlaws in Yanjing worried them greatly, so that they could not ignore it; and on the other hand, a youngster always had to travel the jianghu alone, in order to learn lessons that no teacher could pass on. At the moment of parting, each made their last recommendations. As usual when the Six spoke after one another, Nan Xiren was the last one to express himself. "If you cannot defeat the enemy," he said. "Flee!" He knew that given Guo Jing's dogged character, he would prefer to die rather than to surrender, if he met a master, he would certainly fight to the bitter end, even at the risk of death. That was the reason Nan Xiren gave him this common sense warning. " Martial arts have no limits," added Zhu Cong. " As the proverb says, 'For every peak there is one yet higher', so for every man there is one stronger. Whatever your power, you will always one day meet a foe stronger than you. A true man knows to retreat when necessary, when facing grave danger, it is necessary to contain one's impatience and anger. This what is meant by the adage, « If one preserves the earth and its forests, one does not fear to lack firewood ». It is not therefore not cowardly to take good advice! When the enemy is too numerous and that you cannot face them there, it is especially necessary to avoid being too reckless. Keep in mind Fourth Shifu's advice!"

Does this seem like the sort of advice that any Young MDZS Cultivator would get? "You're a good kid, but when you go out into the world, there will be people who straight up want you dead even though they met you 15 minutes ago, you cannot persist in fighting with these people because they will want you dead and you are a baby cultivator who needs to learn to run away when shit gets rough or you will be dead."

And again I come back to how MDZS cultivators are more like occupational ghostbusters because this really does inform how their society functions and runs and how everyone reacts so badly to the Sunshot Campaign beginning and its aftermaths and possibly explains how JGS could get his way after Sunshot.

Because what happens when you get a society that does train heavily in martial arts and have Able To Kill Real People Weapons who spends most of their time solving very black and white situations of "okay is this ghost whose eating people's livers good or bad? y/n?" and a clear hierarchy of "how do we get rid of the ghost eating people's livers in town x" instead of say "is it morally correct to kill this group of bandits who's been threatening the town" or "is it morally correct to kill this shitty businessman who's been holding people hostage and threatening to hack off their limbs" you have a reduced level of philosophical musing on like, "what is the purpose of martial arts, which is designed to kill people and what do I use martial arts for?" and "under what circumstances and situations would I personally find it morally correct to kill a man?" Which are all questions that Wuxia coming of age stories typically have, and I think MDZS does have, but expressed differently.

Again, it appears that the number of Real Live Human Beings that it is morally acceptable to have stabbed in your life is approximately 0 in this universe, and the expectation that you, personally, might have to fend off people trying to stab you over brunch is also approximately 0.

This also leads to a situation where like, questions of vengeance have very difficult escape hatches! If your parents are murdered on the job by an evil rampaging ghost, this is very sad and tragic and now you're an orphan and of course that's not good, but this is a occupational job hazard, not like, "Yeah Joe Bob from the sect down the street murdered my dad because #Reasons~, and now it's my legacy to grow up to murder Job Bob from the sect down the street to avenge my dad."

(I have a whole essay about how this pertains to both of the Nie Brothers, and how it pertains to JGY and also Jin Ling, and how this seems to routinely fuck people up in MDZS in a very specific way we don't typically see in other wuxias, but this is getting SO long as it is).

But yeah "the socially acceptable number of real living people (instead of ghosts or demons or fierce corpses or whatever) to have killed in your lifetime as a cultivator is approximately 0" means that the Sunshot Generation gets really really fucked up by all of this "killing real people" they did.

Which! might be why JFM was so slow to move on "yeah the Wen are threatening to kill your heirs." <- socially inconceivable behavior. Why society in general is so shocked by Xue Yang and the murder of the Chang <- which would be bad normally but not quite like this. And why no one did anything specific about JGS even if they felt he wasn't entirely correct. What are they going to threaten him with? Death???? A trial of his peers? Social Shunning??? Public shame???

"But Tav how does this relate to CQL!Su She's morality?" I hear you ask. Well you see, the question of "he should've been ready to die for his sect!" is utterly baffling in a society where nobody is expected to be ready to die for their sect on a regular basis because the idea that you should be ready for someone trying to stab you before brunch is utterly nonsensical in a world where most people expect that the baseline number of murders a cultivator does in their lifetimes is 0. That's the world he lives in.

On this regard CQL!Su She is utterly blameless. Nobody handed him a rulebook or expectations sheet for "the sect down the street will try to kill you" nor SHOULD they expect he'd be ready to die at a drop of a hat when no part of the education or social expectations include "ready to die for your sect because it's routine for people to try to kill you."

If you don't even expect to be stabbed and possibly die at a discussion conference where there are lots of cultivators from many sects why on EARTH would you expect to be facing down death in your own home when there's. cultivators here to kill you, this situation is so out of left field?

#modao zushi #mdzs #meta #my meta #su she #this is not a society *without* violence to be clear #but it's not the sort of place where it'll have been acceptable to murder and maim before breakfast #and that's why traumas happen as they do #I've been sitting on this for ages #please don't discourse in my notes about if 'murder' is a good thing or a bad thing #this is just an observation on like #'is it societally common for cultivators to run around killing people?'#the answer to this question is no

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