#and i'm really not trying to be a negative online presence for anyone

[basket-of-radiants]

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[rafecameronssl4t]

F1 driver!Rafe x Reader! As someone that loves watching F1, I'm so happy you're doing this, and damn fans can be vicious sometimes so it gave me an idea. Maybe Reader is getting hate online, with jelaousy comments, saying that ''she's not pretty enough, she's so basic looking, I don't understand what he sees in her, I guess anyone has a chance with Rafe,''. And gradually the words get to her, making her really self concious when she's around him in public, girls near him that are (in her opinion) prettier and eventuallys she tries to break up with him, but he does not let her (not in a toxic way, more so because he loves her and isn't going to let anyone come between them)

Public eye || F1 driver!Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

A/n: So sorry this took awhile!!!!!! But thank you for the request it was sm fun to write :)

Warnings: angst, mental health struggles, bullying and online harassment, if theres anything else lmk!

Word count: 2, 946

MASTERLIST (F1 driver!Rafe x fem!reader au masterlist)

Your fingers hovered hesitantly over the comment section of the video, your heart beating just a little faster as you stared at the screen. The clip, a simple moment of you and Rafe walking into the paddock, was already gathering attention. He was beside you, his hand casually draped over your shoulder as you both made your way through the crowd, looking every bit like a power couple.

You could still hear the soft hiss of the shower jets from the bathroom, Rafe taking his time to wash off the stress of the race. You should have been doing something productive, but the pull of curiosity was too strong. Lately, your presence on social media had been growing—both the praise and the hate.

You’d never been one to look at the comments, always avoiding the spotlight, but today… something felt different. You clicked on the comment section, your thumb hovering nervously over the screen as you scrolled down. The first few comments were harmless, even flattering. “You two are perfect together,” one said. “Her smile is contagious,” said another.

Your lips curved into a faint smile as you read through them, the warmth of their compliments offering a brief comfort. For a moment, you forgot about the nagging feeling building in your chest. But then the tone shifted. You could feel your stomach tighten as the first negative comment appeared. “She looks so out of place with him,” one user wrote, followed by another comment: “She doesn’t belong in paddock.”

Your fingers trembled slightly, but you tried to push the discomfort aside. It was just one comment. You kept scrolling. More criticisms followed. Someone commented on your outfit: “Why does she dress like that? She looks like she’s trying too hard.” Another user posted, “She looks so stiff next to him. Does she even smile?” A sharp sting pierced your chest, and you tried to shake it off, but it wasn’t easy.

You’d spent so much time trying to dress right, trying to look the part, but now it felt like none of it mattered. “Her resting face is so rude,” one person said. Another added, “She looks miserable. Why does she always look so cold around Rafe?” You couldn’t help but feel your stomach drop. You knew you had a more serious expression, but it hurt to see it picked apart like this, as if your face wasn’t enough.

You quickly scrolled past more hurtful comments, but the damage had already been done. The video, which had once seemed like a simple moment between you and Rafe, now felt like an invasion of your privacy, like everyone was judging you. You glanced back at the bathroom door, where the sound of Rafe still hummed softly from the shower, completely unaware of the thoughts swirling in your head.

Your hands tightened around your phone, and you felt the familiar weight of insecurities settling in. You weren’t sure why this time felt worse than before. Maybe it was the fact that you were constantly being compared to Rafe’s world now, his fame, his fans, his life in the spotlight. It felt suffocating at times, and the negativity from strangers only made it worse.

You took a shaky breath, trying to pull yourself together. This wasn’t about you. It was about Rafe, and his world. You tried to convince yourself that you didn’t need their validation, but the ache in your chest remained. Before you could sink any deeper into the spiral of your thoughts, the bathroom door creaked open, and Rafe’s voice, still heavy with the sound of water dripping, called out to you.

“Hey, everything alright?” Rafe’s voice was soft as he stepped into the room, the steam from his shower trailing behind him. His towel hung low on his hips, droplets of water still clinging to his skin. His brows furrowed slightly when his eyes landed on you, the tension in your posture giving you away. You swallowed hard, quickly flipping your phone face-down on the bed as you forced a small, unconvincing smile.

“Yeah, just… tired. It’s been a long day.” Rafe didn’t seem entirely convinced. His gaze lingered on you for a moment longer, his lips pressing into a thin line as if he were debating whether to push further. Instead, he let it slide, disappearing into the closet to grab a pair of boxers. When he returned, his tone was casual, though there was an edge of curiosity in his voice.

“Did you want to walk in with me tomorrow?” he asked, tossing the towel into the hamper before slipping on boxers. He moved with practiced ease, his body language as relaxed as ever. It was a question you’d heard countless times before, something routine between the two of you, but tonight, it felt heavier. Different. You nibbled on your bottom lip, his question tugging you back to the comments you’d just read.

She looks out of place next to him… She doesn’t belong there. The words replayed in your head like a taunting echo. You hesitated before replying, your voice quieter than usual. Your fingers toyed with the edge of the duvet as you hesitated. “Uh, I think I’ll come a bit after,” you said finally, trying to sound casual, though the slight tremor in your voice betrayed you. Rafe paused for a moment, his head tilting slightly as he considered your answer.

His brows furrowed just enough to show that he noticed the shift in your tone, but he didn’t push. Instead, he hummed in acknowledgment, his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer before he climbed into bed. Once settled, he turned his attention back to you, his head propped on his hand as he studied your face. “You sure you’re okay?” he asked again, his voice softer now, laced with genuine concern.

You nodded quickly, your smile brighter this time, though it still didn’t quite reach your eyes. “Yeah. I promise, I’m fine,” you said, hoping the words sounded convincing. But even as you said them, your mind was still swirling with doubt, the insecurities clawing at the edges of your composure. Rafe didn’t seem entirely convinced, but he let it slide for now. Instead, he reached out and tugged you gently toward him, his arms wrapping around your body in a warm, familiar embrace.

His lips brushed softly against your temple before trailing down to your shoulder. “I love you,” he murmured, his voice low and steady, like an anchor. A shaky breath escaped your lips as you nestled into his chest, the comfort of his presence momentarily dulling the ache in your heart. “I love you too,” you whispered back, your voice almost trembling.

~

Walking into the paddock alongside Rafe’s PR manager, Mia, you couldn’t shake the weight of countless eyes on you. It felt suffocating, as though everyone’s gaze was dissecting your every move, every expression. The hum of chatter and camera shutters blended into an almost deafening background noise, and you couldn’t help but wonder what they were saying—or thinking.

Were they silently judging you? Waiting for you to stumble, to make some minor misstep they could pounce on? The thought sent a sharp pang of anxiety through your chest. It wasn’t just paranoia; you’d seen how quickly narratives could form online, how a single bad photo could spiral into accusations and labels. If you weren’t smiling enough, they’d say you were cold, ungrateful. If you stood too close to Rafe, they’d call you clingy. Too far, and you’d seem distant, uninterested.

Your grip on your paddock pass tightened, glancing briefly at Mia, who was confidently walking ahead, her phone in hand, seemingly oblivious to the tension building inside you. She had a way of carrying herself that made it seem like none of this affected her—like the noise bounced off her shield of professionalism. You envied her for that. The click of a camera somewhere to your left made your heart skip a beat.

You didn’t dare look, afraid of what expression might’ve been caught. You straightened your posture instead, forcing a faint smile that felt unnatural, plastered on for the sake of appearances. The effort felt exhausting, but it was what you’d learned to do in this world—pretend you didn’t notice, pretend it didn’t hurt. As you walked, you could feel whispers trailing in your wake, the murmurs mingling with the mechanical hum of the paddock.

Were they talking about your outfit? Your hair? The fact that you weren't walking in with Rafe? It was a never-ending game of scrutiny, and you felt like a chess piece on a board you barely understood. "Hey, are you good?" Mia's voice pulled you out of your spiraling thoughts. Her tone was light, accompanied by a small chuckle as she caught the distant look in your eyes.

You blinked rapidly, turning to her with a startled expression. “Sorry, what?” you asked, your voice slightly shaky. She chuckled again, tilting her head curiously. “Are you okay? You seem nervous,” she repeated, her eyes scanning your face as the two of you approached the Ferrari area. “Yeah! Yeah—I’m fine, just jet lagged,” you replied quickly, your tone a little too chipper to be convincing. You added a casual shrug for good measure, hoping it would sell the lie.

Mia’s gaze lingered for a moment, but she slowly nodded, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “Alright, if you say so. I’ve got to go organise Rafe for his interview. Will you be okay by yourself? I think Austin’s around here somewhere,” she said, glancing around the bustling paddock. “Yeah, of course, go ahead. I’ll look for him,” you assured her with a polite smile.

She nodded, giving you a quick wave before disappearing into the chaos, leaving you alone amidst the buzz of mechanics, media personnel, and fans. You continued walking, your eyes darting around in search of a familiar face. The usual hum of the paddock felt louder now, almost oppressive, as you noticed more phones and cameras turning in your direction. A knot tightened in your stomach.

Normally, you could brush it off, but today the weight of their stares was unbearable. Biting your bottom lip nervously, you quickened your pace, practically darting into the safety of the Ferrari garage. The moment you stepped inside, a voice called out to you, making you pause. “Y/n!” Relief flooded your chest as you spotted Austin waving you over from the balcony of the hospitality area.

“Hey!” you greeted him warmly, embracing him in a quick hug. “Rafe should be done with his interview pretty soon,” Austin said, glancing at his watch. You hummed in response, setting your things down on the table before joining him at the railing. The two of you leaned against it, looking down at the sea of people navigating the paddock below. “Yeah, Rafe and I were planning to head back to OBX for a week after—”

Your words trailed off as your eyes froze on a group of girls huddled together, their phones unmistakably aimed in your direction. Their whispering and laughter sent a chill through you, making your shoulders stiffen visibly. Noticing your silence, Austin followed your gaze. His brows furrowed in concern. “You okay?” he asked, his voice soft but probing.

You swallowed hard, tearing your eyes away from the girls. “I-uh—I’ll just sit down for a bit,” you muttered, moving back toward the table. Austin watched you carefully, his confusion evident. “Do you know them?” You shook your head, avoiding his gaze. After a moment, he sighed, his tone shifting to something more knowing. “Have you been reading comments again?”

The question made your head snap up, your eyes meeting his. You didn’t respond, but your silence was enough. “Y/n,” he said gently, pulling out a chair across from you and sitting down. “You know those are just jealous people who wish they were in your position, right?” “I know,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “But they still hurt, Austin.”

“I know they do,” he admitted, leaning forward. “But think about it—what they’re saying about you… Is any of it true?” You bit your lip, your gaze dropping to your phone as you hesitated. “They’re not,” Austin continued firmly. “Because they don’t even know you. But we do. Rafe does. Don’t let them get to you. They’re just miserable people trying to make someone else miserable too.”

His words sunk in, easing some of the tightness in your chest. A small smile crept onto your lips, the warmth of his reassurance breaking through the cloud of doubt. “Thanks, Austin. I really appreciate it,” you said, your voice softer now but filled with genuine gratitude. He grinned back, leaning back in his chair with an air of casual confidence.

“Anytime. Now, let’s get you smiling again before Rafe gets back, or he’ll never let me hear the end of it.” You chuckled lightly, feeling just a little lighter as the weight of those comments began to fade, replaced by the comfort of a friend who truly understood.

~

The jets in the bathroom continued to hum, the sound blending into the background as you stared at your phone screen, your chest tightening with every cruel word you read. The image of you and Rafe walking into the paddock, so innocuous and routine, had somehow become the catalyst for a torrent of negativity.

Your throat constricted, and you bit down hard on your bottom lip, trying to keep the tears at bay. But it was too much. The weight of their words pressed on you, an avalanche of insecurities crashing down. You dropped your phone onto the bed as though it had burned you, standing there frozen for a moment, your hands trembling.

The bathroom door creaked open, and Rafe stepped out, a towel slung low on his hips, droplets of water clinging to his skin. His carefree, post-shower demeanour faltered the moment his eyes landed on you. “Hey,” he said cautiously, stepping closer. “What’s wrong?” You shook your head, quickly wiping at your cheeks, but the tears had already betrayed you. “Nothing, I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie to me.” His tone was firmer now, his blue eyes scanning your face for answers. He glanced at your phone lying facedown on the bed, and his expression hardened as he pieced it together. “Did you read the comments again?” The lump in your throat grew, and you couldn’t speak, your silence confirming his suspicion.

Rafe let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his damp hair. “Y/n, why do you let them get to you? They’re just a bunch of—” “It’s not just them, Rafe!” you snapped, cutting him off. The words spilled out before you could stop them, sharp and heavy. “This is my life now—being constantly judged, criticised, compared. It’s exhausting. I can’t do this anymore.”

His brows furrowed in confusion and alarm. “What are you saying?” “I’m saying I can’t be with you anymore,” you said, your voice breaking as the words left your lips. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” Rafe’s face fell, his confident façade cracking in an instant. “What? No. No, that’s not happening.” “Rafe—”

“No!” He stepped closer, his voice low but desperate. “You’re not doing this because of a bunch of idiots online who don’t know anything about us.” “It’s not just them!” you cried, the dam of emotions finally breaking. “It’s everything! The constant attention, the pressure, the way people look at me like I’m not good enough for you. And maybe they’re right! Maybe I’m not!”

“Don’t you dare say that,” he interrupted, his voice rough with emotion. He reached for your hands, holding them tightly even as you tried to pull away. “You are good enough. You’re more than good enough, Y/n.” “I can’t keep living like this, Rafe,” you whispered, tears streaming down your face. “I feel like I’m losing myself.

Rafe’s grip on your hands tightened as if letting go would make your words true. “I don’t care what they say. None of it matters to me. You matter. You’re the only thing that matters.” Your lips trembled as you looked into his eyes, the sincerity there almost too much to bear. “But what if I can’t handle it?” “Then I’ll help you handle it,” he said firmly, his voice softening as he pulled you closer.

“You’re not doing this alone. I love you, Y/n. I don’t care what those people think. They mean nothing to me—nothing.” You let out a shaky breath as his words washed over you, your resolve weakening under the weight of his conviction. Rafe cupped your face gently, his thumbs wiping away your tears. “Please don’t do this,” he whispered, his voice breaking slightly. “We’ll get through it together. I promise.”

For a long moment, you just stood there, your forehead resting against his as you tried to steady your breathing. The pain was still there, raw and jagged, but so was the love in his voice, in his touch. “I don’t know if I can be enough,” you whispered. “You already are,” he replied without hesitation. “You’ve always been enough for me.” And somehow, in his arms, the weight of the world felt just a little lighter.

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

I think that a lot of people without NPD have a really poor understanding of "narc supply" or the specific type of positive attention that pwNPD crave. Even the egotypicals who are allies, the ones denounce narc abuse and anti-NPD ableism, don't fully grasp it.

There's this false idea that NPDs like to be worshipped and showered with compliments all of the time, and I mean, yeah, most of us would eat that shit up, but I know that for myself and a lot of other pwNPD it's deeper and much more, I guess, personal?

I don't really know how to describe it, so I'll give an example: As a kid, no one really paid attention to my creative endeavors, my accomplishments, my feelings, etc. And if they DID pay attention, the attention was negative. I could always do better, I could always be smarter, stronger, etc. This came from peers and adults alike. So I developed a coping mechanism where I would tell myself that everyone else was wrong, that I'm actually the best person around, etc. I don't have to explain what disorder I ended up with as an adult as a result of all of that. :P

But anyway - the wound of constantly being ignored at best and insulted at worst is still there. You know how when you're in a group chat or a conversation with multiple people and no one ever pays attention to your comments, while paying attention to everyone else? Yeah, that shit hurts EVERYONE, but especially pwNPD. Even the smallest acknowledgment can be "narc supply."

You know how when you achieve something really cool and everyone ignores you - but the people who ignore you will be quick to praise OTHER people?

You know how when you post art/edits online and everyone ignores you - but the people who ignore you compliment someone else's post in the exact same thread?

You know how when you ask your friend to read your favorite book or listen to your favorite artist or whatever because of how much it means to you, and they never do it, but then they read/listen to everyone else's favorite thing at everyone else's recommendation, and how much it pisses you off? (Hurts even more if you have the SAME favorite book/artist and someone reads/listens to it at the other person's recommendation and not at yours.)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I could go on and on. That shit would bother anyone, us narcissists aren't alone in being hurt by that, but my G-d, it impacts pwNPD in such a specific way.

But let me flip it around to the positive!

A narcissist doesn't necessarily get their "supply" from someone telling them that they're the coolest person in the world and that they're a god. (Though if you do want to say that to us we probably won't complain!) Sometimes they get their "supply" from something as simple as someone acknowledging their achievements, and giving specific praise on what the achievement was. ("It's so cool that you won a prize in the music recital. The song you played sounds like it was really difficult and I loved your stage presence.")

Being told, "Wow, you did such a great job on your artwork, I love the colors!" goes a very very long way for a narc, especially when said narc is used to being IGNORED for their art.

Hearing, "it's so cool that you like that book, I'll have to read it and tell you my thoughts!" can help a narcissist's interests feel acknowledged.

You might be reading this and thinking, "well, isn't it just basic human interaction to compliment your friends or try out their interests"? And, well, maybe it is, but the whole point of NPD is that most of us grew up without receiving that type of attention, so now we're very very desperate for it - and very, very, VERY sensitive to when it doesn't happen, or is even perceived to not have happened. Something as small as being talked over in a group chat can set us off, but something as small as a simple, "hey, it's so cool that you did this, I love it." can win us over.

And to be completely fair, most of the time us being "ignored" isn't completely intentional. Like, I get it, yeah, sometimes timing just doesn't work out for person A to read my favorite book at my own rec, but by the time person B is in their life, person A can read it, and it's not anything personal. Sometimes the content I make just isn't someone's ~style~ and they support me, they really do, they just don't know what to say. Sometimes someone forgets to respond, or doesn't get a notification when I send them something I made or tell them about something I did. (There is less excuse for being ignored in face-to-face/offline convos though.) But because of the trauma of us constantly being ignored as kids/teens, the smallest little thing hurts and as a result we seek and crave attention EVERYWHERE.

So now, to give in to narc stereotypes of begging for attention: If you're a person without NPD and you genuinely want to help the narcissists you have in your life, the second best thing you can do for us is checking in to make sure we're not overlooked. Try to be sure you're not ignoring us, and if we do something cool, try to compliment it, even if it's something you don't fully "understand." Ask us about what we've been up to lately, what we're proud of about ourselves, and agree with us that what we've done is pretty cool. I mean, you'd do that for any friend, right? It's really not all outlandish for a narc to want that.

(If you're curious what the FIRST best thing you can do for a narcissist is, it's giving us a million dollars unlearning your anti-NPD ableism and calling people out who use narcissist as an insult as a synonym for abuser. Even in "offline" spaces, even when we're not around, even doctors/therapists. Even "narc" abuse survivors.)

[onlyonetifosi]

Hi how are you? Could you write a oneshot about the first time the reader sees negative comments about her in social media and charles comforts her?

Thank u

The sun was high above the circuit as Y/N stood at the edge of the grandstand, her heart racing with excitement. After months of supporting Charles Leclerc from the shadows, she was about to witness her first paddock appearance as his girlfriend. They had deliberately kept their relationship private, wanting to cherish their connection away from the public eye.

As she watched the cars zoom past during the free practice session, Y/N's attention shifted to her phone buzzing in her pocket. Curiosity piqued, she took it out and unlocked the screen, only to be met with a barrage of negative comments on social media. Her eyes widened in shock and disbelief as she read hurtful words about her appearance and her worth compared to Charles. Tears welled up in her eyes, threatening to spill over.

Feeling a hand on her shoulder, Y/N turned to see Joris, Charles' best friend, and Andrea, his trainer, standing beside her. They noticed her distressed state and exchanged concerned glances before Joris spoke up.

"Hey, Y/N, are you okay?" Joris asked, his voice laced with worry.

Trembling, Y/N showed them her phone, tears streaming down her face. "People are criticizing my looks and saying Charles could be with someone richer and prettier"

"Hey, don't pay attention to those ignorant comments. They don't know anything about you or what you mean to Charles. You're beautiful, inside and out." Joris tells her

Andrea frowned, his eyes scanning the hateful comments. "These people are just jealous and bitter. They don't know you like we do."

Andrea nodded, his voice filled with empathy. "It's easy for people to hide behind the anonymity of the internet and say hurtful things. But don't let their words define you. You're strong, Y/N, and you deserve happiness just as much as anyone else."

Y/N sniffled, feeling a glimmer of hope in their words. She wiped away her tears and took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. "Thank you, both of you. I needed to hear that."

Andrea offered her a warm smile. "Remember, there will always be critics, but you have Charles by your side. Lean on him for support."

Joris wrapped an arm around Y/N, guiding her gently. "Come on, let's head to the hospitality area. Charles will be worried about you."

With their comforting presence, Y/N found the strength to move forward. Joris and Andrea helped her navigate through the bustling paddock until they reached the hospitality area

As they get back to the garage, Joris discreetly found Charles and informed him of the situation, reaching Charles' small room in the garage, Joris knocked lightly on the door, his voice carrying a note of urgency. "Charles, it's Joris. I need to talk to you about something important."

A moment later, the door swung open, revealing Charles with a furrowed brow. His eyes met yours, instantly recognizing the lingering traces of pain on your face. Without a word, he pulled you into his arms, enveloping you in a comforting embrace.

Joris spoke up, his voice filled with concern. "Yn read some hurtful comments online, Charles. It really shook her, but she's determined to rise above it all."

In the hospitality room, Y/N sat on the edge of the bed, her face buried in her hands. She was startled when the door opened, and Charles rushed in, concern etched on his face. His eyes softened when he saw Y/N's tear-stained cheeks.

"Mon amour," Charles murmured, using one of his favorite French pet names for her. He closed the door behind him and approached her, his arms enveloping her in a comforting embrace. "What happened? Why are you crying?"

Y/N's voice quivered as she recounted the hurtful comments she had read. "I... I saw all these comments about me. About us. About how I'm not good enough for you."

Charles tilted her chin up, his gaze filled with sincerity. "Y/N, never doubt how much you mean to me. You are the most beautiful person I know, both inside and out. I don't care about what others say. I love you for who you are."

Y/N looked into his eyes, finding solace in his words. She clung to him, feeling the warmth of his embrace grounding her. "But what if they're right? What if I'm not good enough for you?"

Charles shook his head, his thumb brushing away her tears. "You are more than enough. You are perfect to me. I fell in love with your spirit, your kindness, and your ability to light up a room with your smile. Please, don't ever doubt that."

He pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. "Let's not allow their words to overshadow our happiness. We'll face this together, stronger than ever."

In that moment, Y/N realized that she was not alone. Charles' unwavering support and love were the shield she needed against the negativity that often accompanied fame.

"I love you, Charles," she whispered, her voice laced with vulnerability.

Charles pressed his forehead against hers, their breaths mingling. "Je t'aime aussi, mon amour. Never forget that."

Charles and Y/N emerged from the room, hand in hand. The paddock buzzed with activity, but their focus remained on each other. Charles glanced at Joris and Andrea, gratitude shining in his eyes, before leading Y/N towards the awaiting Ferrari team.

He embraced her once more, whispering words of encouragement. "Ignore the haters, mon trésor. We have each other, and that's all that matters."

With renewed strength, they faced the world together, ready to tackle any obstacle that came their way. The negative comments may have stung, but they were no match for the unyielding bond between Y/N and Charles.

[captainclickycat]

So while we're on the subject, here are some other thoughts.

I found Neil Gaiman's online presence - and the more overzealous members of his fanbase - annoying. And please stay with me here, I promise this isn't me trying to be smug or claim I "knew all along" or anything. There's a huge gulf between finding someone a bit annoying and thinking that their behaviour online is less than stellar occasionally and suspecting them of being a sexual predator. I don't think there could have been any way of me "knowing all along" without reading everything in the worst possible faith, which I'm not willing to do and which I maintain is not a good or helpful approach in general. And to people who genuinely looked up to him and felt completely blindsided by the news, I'm really sorry. It wasn't your fault and I hope you can do something kind for yourself today.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. I didn't like the way he handled criticism of his work, a lot of the time. I don't think creators are obligated to personally listen to and address every negative opinion of their work, or explain every individual aspect of it that someone disliked. But I felt like a lot of his responses to feedback tended to lean into and encourage praise, while being a little disingenuous and sometimes belittling towards criticism. (And really, why feel the need to respond to everything when you could just ignore it?)

I didn't like the way he always felt the need to weigh in on fandom debates or throw out "word of god" explanations for this or that thing, including when nobody even asked. (Want to know who inspired the "I don't care what the author said" comment in my bio? Take a guess.) Especially when some of them felt engineered to paint him and his work in the best possible light.

Again, I'm not drawing attention to all this in an attempt to claim any one thing was a blatant red flag or must have been down to some sinister motivation. That's not the point I'm trying to make.

But it is one of the reasons that I was always deeply uncomfortable by the culture of hero-worship and "touch not god's anointed" that always seemed to exist around him. Like regardless of whether or not you thought this or that criticism against him was warranted, the way people would treat him like some kind of messiah who deserved nothing but praise and lose their absolute shit whenever anyone said anything remotely negative about him was absurd. Nobody deserves that, regardless of what they've done.

But at the same time... you know, I liked his work. Not just "I liked the stuff he co-wrote with someone else" or "I liked the films and TV shows he worked on with a whole bunch of other people." I liked the books he wrote by himself. They had some parts worth criticising, sure, what doesn't. But overall I thought they were well-written and funny and thought-provoking and I enjoyed myself when I was reading them. Neverwhere is the first book I had a crack at re-reading in a different language, which should tell you how much I liked it. And I didn't even dislike everything he posted on the internet. I thought some comments were pretty funny and/or insightful. I even reblogged the odd post.

And I wasn't all that vocal about any negative feelings I had towards him, because... well, frankly because a lot of the negative feelings I'd seen expressed by other people about him tended to look like "he's the devil incarnate, his work sucks, he's the worst person alive and he secretly hates every marginalised group and people should feel ashamed for sincerely liking his stuff."

And I didn't agree with that either! I didn't want to be roped in with those people. I didn't feel comfortable around them, any more than I felt comfortable around the Neil Gaiman Defense Squad, Working Tirelessly Day And Night To Aggressively Stamp Out Any Criticism Of Our Lord And Saviour.

And honestly I'm not entirely sure what kind of broader point I'm trying to articulate here, or whether I'm just working through stuff in my head. But I will say that this kind of polarising, zero-sum-game approach to criticism is... bad. It's just bad. It makes it so people are reluctant to put forward any kind of nuanced stance, for fear that they'll end up getting pigeonholed into one oversimplified category or another, or it ends up pushing people towards one extreme stance or another out of sheer frustration or contrariness. And it makes it incredibly difficult to have any kind of actually productive debate when it comes to criticising media, or criticising creators. Inevitably people's hackles are going to be up whichever side they lean towards more, and a lot of people with valuable input will inevitably end up going "yeah, I can see how that's a good point, but also the last person who brought this topic up with me deemed it appropriate to send me a barrage of messages telling me to kill myself about it, so forgive me if I'm not interested in engaging any further."

Obviously a culture of hero worship inevitably makes it a lot easier for predators to operate, and I have no doubt that being inundated with messages about how wonderful you are and how everyone who's criticising you is in the wrong must make it a lot easier to rationalise your actions. But I feel like this tendency to paint everything in terms of "are they a pure uwu blameless smol bean angel OR the devil incarnate" is incredibly unhelpful regardless of what side you come down on. The "devil incarnate" crowd can be part of the problem too.

[jet-bradley]

does anyone else with rare (like genuinely rare, not what neurotypicals think is rare) disorders/neurodivergencies ever feel like just by nature of being neurodivergent in ways that are similar to a lot more common things, that people are really prone to thinking you have their disorder?

like, i love all my ADHD friends, and i definitely relate more to them than NT friends, but i feel like a lot of the time they'll forget that i don't have ADHD. this one might be partially because i'm open about having a learning disability, which [rare disorder] is classified as. but ADHD isn't the only learning disability! an IRL with ADHD assumed i'd lack caffeine sensitivity the other day, but... i definitely don't! that's one of many things associated with ADHD that i don't have!

the same goes for autism. i have a lot of autistic friends by nature of "being an engineer" and "being a tron fan." and within the engineering world (which is way more NT than stereotypes would have you believe), i definitely find myself hanging out more with autistic colleagues than allistic ones. and i've had them (IRLs as well as online friends but largely in this case IRLs) address me as autistic just because they assumed i was based off how i act. but i'm very much not autistic, i just have a lot of symptoms that also show up in autism. hell one of my autistic IRLs will give me game recs based on her own autism because despite being one of the IRLs ive discussed this feeling with, she just assumes we'll have the same cognitive processing difficulties because we're similar in so many other ways. when like... there's no evidence to support that at all!

and please don't reply to this post like "have you considered that you havent cracked your AuDHD egg yet?" - that isn't what's happening. i'm professionally diagnosed with [disorder i'm not naming here] and it describes nearly every symptom/trait/etc that causes me to fit in with these groups of people. meanwhile i have done research into ADHD and autism and definitely don't fit the diagnostic criteria for either.

it's something ive been thinking about a lot because i'm trying to be better about overstepping boundaries related to the mental stuff that i do and don't have going on, but it's hard when like, everyone i talk to is trying to diagnose me with whatever they have. but it's also hard to have the "stop assuming diagnoses about people" conversation when a lot of the time that feels like a very negatively charged statement. i dont have any problems with ADHD and autistic people and i really value their presence in my life and like, there's reasons i gravitate more to them than NT peers especially in irl settings, but that doesn't mean we have the same stuff going on!

[detransdamnation]

As evidenced by my recurrent periods of inactivity when I previously used to post daily, it's been really difficult for me to be online this year. Not like I owe anyone my presence, of course. I don't believe that at all.

The reason why it hits so hard is because it's an homage to just how hard this year has been for me. I used to come here when I needed to feel alive. Silly as it is for me to say it. I used to feel... comforted, almost... knowing that no matter how terrible I felt, I always had this little scrapbook of carefully curated photos and comparatively crazed desires. The only place where I could even begin to express what I was feeling without any (well, little) concern for backlash, the only place where I could vent and truly forget. No matter how outlandish my thoughts were that day or night, I could scream them into the void and not worry about the darkness bouncing off and right back at me. A little more pain shed with every post and then I'd get through the rest of the day feeling stronger because finally, I felt like I was processing this pain that's been suffocating me for so many years.

But I don't feel that anymore. That feeling of "life," that is. Nothing makes me feel alive this year. Not this little place I've created for myself, to be myself. Not even not being myself. I'm still socially transitioned, which was initially under the guise of "holding onto the only thing that makes me happy" or some stupid bullshit I don't even remember what my "logic" was anymore. I put "logic" in quotations because nothing I ever say or do would make sense to anyone out of the confines of my own fucked up brain and it's humiliating. Saddening. Terrifying. Angering. Insert negative adjectives here.

Anyway, I guess you could say I've been absent because I just don't have anything left to say. I don't have the words to express how much pain I am in over my transition and detransition and everything to do with this "journey." It feels foolish to write posts like these anymore because I'm always upset over the same things and I'm afraid to even try now because that pain has crept back ten times stronger, and this time, it presents as apathy. I've always sworn that I would never let my hatred and regret cloud my compassion—for myself, for others—but I've gotten to the point where I'm so pissed off, I don't even care if that happens and that has had the exact effect you would logically conclude it has.

My heart right now is cold and dark and hard and I'd rather not come on here to yell about it because I know I'd say things I'll regret and that's truly all I would be doing if I were here as often as I used to be. I've come to believe my silence is a blessing to others, as well as to myself, and it's easier for everyone if I just sit in it and listen to my demons on replay.

Because that is what my dysphoria is, after all. A broken record. And so is this pain. A merry-go-round of mistakes and regrets. You get used to spinning after a while, so you stop screaming. You only spin.

[test-and-mint]

Motion Inputs VS Accessibility -OR- The Plight of Competition In Video Games

With the announcement of the new Granblue Fantasy Versus game's changes to essentially make motion inputs obsolete in their game, the discussion of the motion input's place in the fighting game genre is once again called into question.

In this post in particular, motion inputs are given other names such as "technical/skill inputs". This implies that, while yes the act of being able to consistently make one of these inputs at a moments notice is in fact a skill, it is not necessary to the game or it's enjoyment. The argument for or against motion inputs has been a longstanding discussion within the fighting game community (FGC), and especially with Street Fighter 6's approach to one-button special moves (that being the give and take between the Modern and Classic control schemes).

The subject is extremely divisive, and I would like to be honest with my intentions. I'm 100% in favor of motion inputs. I believe that single button inputs definitely have a place in fighting games, however not only is it a core part of the genre and its identity, but like the previous paragraph states they are a genuine mark of skill and mastery of fighting games in their specific games and the genre as a whole.

I am of the opinion that fighting games are viewed in a somewhat skewed light due to them being video games. Fighting games are not easy by any degree, by design. Casual audiences are extremely vocal about difficulty in video games and fighting games are generally regarded as "archaic" or "old-fashioned" due to the inherent skill floor required to play these games competently.

As someone who's spent a lot of time in competitive spaces, this is less of a question of "how do we make fighting/competitive games more appealing to casual audiences" and more "why are non-competitive players so in love with PvP (player vs player)?" Of course this might be a strange question to ask, but it's not without observation. If you click on the comment section of any competitive game footage, or video of a top player out in the wild you'll often see negative reactions to the footage, often with statements against the idea of "try harding" or "being a sweat," usually followed by the sentiment of "winning doesn't matter".

But this begs the question every single time, if winning doesn't matter why does it matter if you lose? The answer is simple, no one likes losing, it's a natural reaction. However the idea of loss causes such a knee jerk reaction in casual spaces that it's not uncommon for difficult games to be vocally unwelcomed, this can be seen most recently with the release of Elden Ring in 2022. It is not uncommon for people who play games that are PvP-focused to consider those attempting to win to be seen as "bad manners" of sort, and the idea of "fairness" and "fun" often get thrown around in an attempt to shame them.

There is a near paradoxical approach to PvP games that has personally confused me for years, especially as someone who plays these games both competitively and casually. "If you hate losing, why are you playing a game where that's an option?" And that's a question I have never gotten a straight answer for. From my perspective, it seems like a form of FOMO of sorts. People see others talking about their favorite things, but their favorite things have a barrier of entry for one reason or another.

Due to the nature of video games and the lack of personal presence of other people in online settings, it's incredibly easy for people to put blame on the other players or the game itself which isn't really fair for anyone at that point. I can't imagine a world where you go to a basketball court to play a pick up game with other people, lose because you don't know the first thing about basketball, then proceed to go on the internet and complain about how horrible a sport basketball is. Or if a person bought a guitar, never figured it out and then said something along the lines of "instruments are outdated, we should just use synth exclusively," that person would be mocked into orbit.

However competitive games, particularly fighting games are subject to that sort of scrutiny. People love pointing at a Shoryuken motion, or god forbid, post pictures like this:

then act as if you need a college degree and 3 hours a night in training mode to enjoy fighting games on a base level.

I personally think this comes from a fundamental misunderstanding about the relationship between the idea of competition and video games. I think my history with sports within my family along with my own private interests in things like music and writing allowed me to see these games, and especially fighting games from a hobbyist perspective. It feels like people want to be the best immediately and don't realize that the fun from things like this comes from the act of learning and improving, which is theoretically infinite.

This was made worse by the "e-sports" boom of the 2010's during which the idea of competitive gaming and things like "going pro" "balance" "ranked matchmaking," as a sort of natural evolution for online gaming. This bubble has recently burst, but the damage is done. Instead of fostering a niche community of people who actually wanted to grow with the competitive potential of their games, that was forced upon everyone. The resentment is so deep the idea of matching a player with other people of similar skill levels is controversial.

And yet, despite all that it all feels superficial. It FEELS as if people are creating reasons to shift blame so they can cope with the idea of losing, and the idea of competition suffers for it. This gets pointed out with "undesirable" mechanics in games like motion inputs or even the severe recoil in Counter-Strike. This post is getting long enough and I think my point has been made, but again I ask.

"If winning doesn't matter, why do you care if you lost?"

[yuritypology]

Feeling apathetic, vent

I guess I'm gonna share this here cause I feel like I'm just apathetic towards myself lately. I'm not exactly "depressed" per se; in fact, I'm happy. I have good grades, going to a good uni, and learning new things; I don't know why I feel upset and the need to remove myself from my existence. I'm just honestly just trying to understand why I shouldn't just kill myself. Like I am fully aware that these are just intrusive thoughts, but I'm genuinely thinking why I shouldn't when my presence is a net negative on others.

My friends have called me egotistical, so much that I'm ousted for being 'weird' in front of others; that my frequent breakdowns are annoying them. Consequently, I have no irl friends and I just don't feel like I have anyone who sees me as a human being in real life. I accidentally screamed at a woman because of a little episode I had with my ADHD meds rebounding; I paid no mind, but I just feel like it's such a bad thing that I had accidentally hurt her. I quit that French class as a reason, just afraid of harming others because if my presence itself can hurt others, why should I even be a part of society?

Online, I've cut ties with a lot of people. I'm intentionally burning bridges to others who uphold a 'drama' or 'discourse' culture surrounding me; but as a consequence, I feel like I'm just the odd one out. Both online, and offline. I am now happy, but as a consequence I'm just a shut in cause I'm deathly afraid of hurting others.

Even my parents don't see me as someone who is 'human'; they're just apathetic to my behavior. Behind their nice words, it's just hollow compliments since I had asked them many times to elaborate their compliments, but they can't really deconstruct what they're proud of. I understand their intentions, but I just don't feel like I'm a net positive in the world, you know?

I got Straight A's and is going to a really good uni abroad, but they don't feel like it's something that's 'impressive'. On the opposite, my mom still scolds me because I'm inconsiderate of others who can't get good grades; that I'm a 'showoff' just by mentioning my grades.

I would rather kill myself than just be a negative influence in this world. What's the point of being happy when you existing is a nuisance to others? That I'd inadvertently harm others just the way that others have harmed me before. I don't know any other reasons not to end myself, cause it seems like the most effective way to reduce harm

[grimfangsmaw]

Possible Return?

Hey, guys. I know I've pretty much been...well, not here for the past several years. After the tumblr exodus, I kind of just stopped using it. Now Twitter seems to be ambling its way towards total destruction. So I'm trying to find some other places to roost. And as I never deleted my account, I thought perhaps I could post at least my sfw pieces here. Would there be any interest? I know there's pretty much no engagement from me lol, and probably about half my followers are porn bots. But, ya know. Just wondered if anyone was still out there and wanted to see things from me. I'm trying to re-center and get back to who I used to be before life ground me into the dirt. So I want to draw more for myself, but I want to show you guys all the same. And that's been a big wrench in the works for me. Somewhere along the way, I started drawing only for the purpose of showing other people my work. And I think that started to become a detriment to my artistic growth and creativity.

So I'm trying to think about what I want first. What I want most. And share it with you. Instead of the other way around. Trying to draw for the purpose of being seen has kind of ruined my life on the artistic side. The pressure to produce became far too much for me and it wrecked the goals I set for myself in almost irreparable ways. I'm not the best at an online presence to begin with. So to face every day thinking that I can't be "seen" unless I'm producing things people want to see? Combined with mental health issues that I've now been diagnosed for, it's made me realize that I'm in this hole I dug for myself. And getting out is really hard now. But I'm going to try. Kind of been missing the tumblr vibe lately. Especially given the way most social media is now. Truncating my thoughts to only 250 words isn't good for me, either. And Twitter has become such a cesspool of hate and negativity that I think I need to get away from it. Part of the reason I even joined Twitter and other social media was to follow artists. To look at the amazing things creatives do and feel just a little bit part of something. So I think I'd like to try coming back here. Set some goals for myself, but not be too hard on myself if it doesn't work out. If that sounds cool, it'd be great to hear from anyone who might still follow me. If not, I'll still give it a shot. Thanks to anyone who's followed me on my tiny accounts all these years.

I also have a Bluesky account now, if anyone wants to follow me there!

[milliesmuses]

What Do People Think Of Me

I'm 100% positive that everyone has this thought.

And I just randomly remembered that if I ever get into a lawsuit and the opposing legal team finds my blog, they will pull up every post. Be careful what you post online. It can and will be used against you in a lawsuit. You can trust me. I went to paralegal school.

Back to my point. I often wonder what others think of me. This is a natural thought as humans are social animals.

The others I'm talking about are people from all parts of my life, past and present. Do my co workers enjoy my company? Does my family? Do old classmates and friends I've drifted away from think of my fondly? I hope so. I do not wish ill will upon any of them. Life is too hard already for me to send negative vibes toward any of their ways.

Sometimes I wonder what those people who I embarrassed myself in front of think of me now. Do they think to themselves, "Oh, Millie was just a teenage girl. She didn't know any better." Or, "She was 21, still just a kid. Maybe she's not as embarrassing now."

I have these thoughts about people I knew when they were teens or early twenty year olds. I remember embarrassing things people did in high school. And embarrassing things people I knew just a few years ago did. But I think to myself, "They were just kids trying to figure it out. I am sure they are much more mature now."

I also have thoughts like this about people I know who are also 24 years old. I am not old and people my age are still pretty immature and tend to act like teenagers. I try not to judge. They will grow up one day. And in some ways, I will too.

I also wonder what those who I have been kind too think of me. Did I change anyone's life in any way? Or at the very least, make their day better? Has anyone ever thought to themselves, "She was really kind when I needed it." That's what I would like to know. That I improved the existence of another person.

Do people like me? Do people prefer to not be in my company? Do people appreciate my help in the past? Do people cringe when they think of me? Do they miss my presence? Do they wish they'll never see me again?

These are all natural thoughts. But I hope that people like me, obviously. And I hope that I put more positivity into people's lives than negativity.

[txttletale]

Probably not your intention but a little weird to say people were “Mad Online at me in my time making silly little posts on this website” on an ask about that specific post and situation. Talking about how people on the internet are always mad ect ect in relation to this specific situation feels really trivializing of people’s justified anger over a post that was not silly and genuinely insulting and unintensionally or not, gave mysogynoir. The ask itself also is a really weird… you can say you were wrong without dragging the people who called you out it just because they’re “in large number.” They were in large numbers because black women were upset… why apologize but respond to an ask that’s dismissive of everyone’s response to your post, and talk about how people are always mad on the internet in a serious situation where you’re recognizing you did something wrong. I think people understand that you changed your mind, and I don’t think anyones trying to “cancel” you. I also think it’s completely understandable for black women to still be frustrated because you may be able to change your mind and thats it, move on, but when you live it, post like that are genuinely hurtful, and add to the regular familiarity of our voices being ignored.

i suppose i wasn't clear enough--i was responding that ask specifically to disagree with it and to wholeheartedly reject the insinuation that it makes that the people who disagreed with me were dishonest or a Mob or whatever. i said 'Cancelled' in a purely ironic way to mock the asker's obvious insinuation, not because it's something i actually believe.

i'm sorry the 'mad online' thing came across as trivialising--my intent is not to, like, dismiss all anger on the internet as somehow Not Real. like i was comparing this situation not to like Generic Internet Anger but to specific situations where, e.g. anti-civs, anti-nuclear people, eastern european anticommunists, have all disagreed with me in 'large numbers' or whatever that anon said and i simply did not change my mind -- because it does not matter to me if people i don't know are or were angry at me (justified or not). it matters to me if i was wrong and acted shittily.

and like idk i know people feel like i am minimising something when i say that ultimately i am a silly blogger and do not matter but that is just honestly how i feel. everything i post here, including posts where i pour my heart and soul into writing about something i'm passionate about, including ones where i say shitty and egregious things, is a silly little post on my silly little blog. i simply do not assign much value or importance to my online presence, positive or negative.

[bardicblessing]

I desperately hope this does not come off as preachy, these are just my thoughts regarding some stuff I've seen! I am not trying to vague anyone or talk about any specific individuals, it's something that has circled around this space for a while and I just want to share my own personal feelings and what I want to avoid before a problem actually starts.

For a good while I've seen some posts floating around about Apollo's portrayal in online spaces and how many newer, less informed people tend to view him. People are concerned that he's not being treated with respect or being seen as himself, and that he's kind of been treated like a character or "blorbo" in many cases.

I think that they're right! There's a lot of his depth and complexity that gets lost like we're all playing a really long game of telephone. Worshipping the gods without delving into their history and context can be tricky (example the BLOOD SACRIFICE TIKTOK DEBAUCLE GOOD LORD) and there needs to be a good foundation and understanding of the gods if you're going to worship them. We don't see a lot of him being portrayed as Slayer of Python, god of plagues with his silver bow and his love for knowledge.

That being said, I hope this doesn't turn into something where people who do worship Apollo are seen as like, fandomifying him just because of what gets seen on their blogs? People's worship may go way deeper than what we see from their online presence. I post some goofy stuff about him and some of the others from time to time with their permission.

My "cowboy Apollo" doodle was a silly inside joke between the two of us about his story with Hermes taking his cattle. I don't want to be constantly worried that someone will see that and immediately judge me and my relationship with him, assuming I'm treating him like an OC or not taking him seriously. My relationship with the gods I worship is very friendly and often informal (depending on my kharis with them) because that is what brings the most comfort to me based on my own negative experiences being forced to grow up in a Catholic home. I'm so thankful the gods are understanding of my situation and are willing to meet me in the middle. Apollo especially has brought me so much comfort, and I talk to him the way I would talk to any person I'm close to that I respect. I tag him in memes that remind me of him, I draw silly doodles of him, and I laugh with him. From the outside, someone who stumbles across my blog and doesn't know me or the relationship I share with him may scoff and brush me off as someone who is "treating him like my blorbo'. That makes me really sad, and quite paranoid actually. It makes me feel like I have to censor myself and my relationship with him in order not to be labeled as someone like that.

People are absolutely valid and right to be concerned about the way he may be portrayed, and I've seen this concern about Dionysus as well. I don't think they are wrong! It's a shame that what's happened to him has put some people off from worshipping and appreciating him, and I do not want anyone to think I am discrediting them, their feelings, or frowning at their opinions. I agree with those opinions wholeheartedly! Apollo is amazing, he's my world, and I love him so much. I want people to love ALL parts of him, not just the bright and happy parts.

I just hope that as we criticize this reduced version of him, we try to avoid making snap judgements about others based on what we see of their relationship with him. It hasn't been a major problem from what I've seen, but I wanted to put in my two cent before it even gets to that point. I hope that as a community, we practice Xenia and show our fellow polytheists kindness and help educate them rather than rolling our eyes. There are a lot of very dedicated, kind, and wonderful Apollo worshippers on here. Moving forward I want to help educate and help people who may not be as informed to understand how fantastically diverse and complex he is!

Again, I truly hope this doesn't sound preachy, or like I'm angry or trying to start something with anyone in particular. I have so much respect for my fellow Hellenic polytheists, ESPECIALLY reconstructionist worshippers. I've learned so much from the amazing people on here who devote their time and energy to sharing their knowledge FOR FREE, that's so great! All of us have a lot to learn from one another, and no one's practice will be exactly the same as someone else's. I think that's beautiful.

Hail to Apollo, the Far Shooter, Protector of Roads, Healer, God of Plagues, and the god who helped save my life. 💛

[ambermarshalldaily]

Since Amber's birthday is coming up, I've been looking for inspirational quotes by Amber/Amy and I can't seem to find any. It's hard for me to believe they're, and I'm sure you all can help me find some. Thanks!

Thanks for your question! I had fun scrolling through the numerous quotes of Amber's I've shared throughout the years, and I felt so empowered and inspired by her words!

Listed below are some of my favorite Amber quotes. Majority of them came from her comments on Instagram:

"I try to inspire those around me with positive actions and motivation."

"If you have a passion, it’s always a good idea to work towards it. Do your homework. Find something similar in your area and go volunteer there. [Research] online and see the triumph and the weak spots of those who are doing it. In order to succeed you must identify why others have failed. Gain as much information and experience as you can and you will then be closer to understanding what your ultimate goal is."

"I'm kind of a person that when I want to do something I just go do it. So I don't really have a bucket list because anything that I'm like 'Oh, that would be fun,' I try to do it."

"Just like anything in life, when you make true friends you will always keep in contact with them no matter where you end up. I will miss Heartland when it's over, but I'm sure I will still see those who I became close with."

"I believe that the values presented in Heartland resonate with any human being, no matter where they were brought up. The strong sense of family, honesty, and a genuine love for animals is universal. I am so proud to be a part of a show that has such a positive message."

"My advise to you is to not try and be anyone else. Know inside what goals and morals are important to you."

"Always think of the consequences of your actions and the potential effect it can have on someone. I've got a thick skull and I'm at the age now where most things are "water off a ducks back" as they say. But I do remember a time in my teenage years when words hurt a lot more. Be aware of the impressions you leave with those around you."

"I'm just always looking at the world as a perfect picture. I see great photos everywhere I look!"

"I can't promise you that I wont ever change, as I'm growing, learning and changing each and every day. I can promise that I will always try to live honestly and be the best version of myself."

"Life isn't about matching you with who you look best with, it's about finding that person that you ARE your best with."

"Friendship is a key component of our own personal growth. When we meet new people, we see the world through a different perspective. By staying open to their views we can better shape our own journey through life."

"Know that you can do anything you put your mind to. It is only your own limitations standing in your way. Don't just grab your horse by the reins.... Take the reins on life and don't be afraid to push forward."

"When the goal in life is to be noticed, you will forever be chasing an ungraspable dream. Notice yourself, your presence in the company of those around you, and you will obtain admiration as opposed to frustration."

"In life's journey there will be many things that are not what you expected. Some will turn out better than you could have ever imagined, and some will let you down. The key is to remain positive. Letting negativity cloud all your decisions will limit you from ever seeing something that is great."

"I try to step outside my comfort zone anytime an opportunity presents itself. That way the next time I'm in that position, it's no longer new or scary!"

[fairycosmos]

does it feel weird to think that people here have a parasocial relationship with you? (not trying to generalize, at least i do have a few moments where you post and its like !!! friend !!! and then i have to consciously be like okay no you dont know eachother)

a little weird definitely, but i think it's kind of a minimized version of a parasocial relationship, at least in comparison to the bond celebs often have with their fans. that's usually much more about an insane power dynamic + monetary gain among other things. not to say that it's less potentially harmful or overly- personal, of course, but the nuances are often kinda different. i think everyone online is sort of operating in a parasocial context where we all feel like we know each other and we all feel like we can talk to each other like we're friends. the internet feels like a liminal space where the boundaries of real life get blurred. i'm really bad for it too, i literally think my mutuals are my mates LMFAO. it comes so naturally to think like that when you've been raised via social media + when you find it hard to find like-minded ppl irl, so you turn to online communities instead. but when you take a step back, which i think everyone should do more often including me, it really sinks in that you don't know anyone on here at all, not even a little.

but anyway yeah there have been a few odd occasions where i have had to explicitly and emphatically be like "you do not know me and it's fucking weird that you think you can talk to me like this." or where i've had to kind of reiterate that despite how personal this blog is, it's a very small glimpse into my life and it does not contextualize anything about me in-person. i'm a stranger walking down the street crying LOL. or moments where i can tell ppl have a very idealized version of me that they talk to via this blog which is prob my fault too btw, or maybe just the nature of the internet, but that definitely feels bizarre and estranging. and sometimes it's me, and i have to remind myself "you do not know this person and it is fucking weird that you think you can talk to them like that." i do like and am very flattered by ppl who think of us as friends and who see me as a positive presence like that, and i mean that - i think half the ppl who make me believe in the world are people i know online (possibly unhealthy btw but that's how it is.) there's just a line we both shouldn't cross i suppose, and a way to practice healthy boundaries. generally i think ppl who follow me are really cool and respectful and normal despite the negative experiences i’ve had. thank god cos i couldn’t cope lol :)

[no-vamos]

BYF

I try to remain as conflict/negativity free as I can, but I have my own problems in life. I'll try to filter out rants/sensitive topics with a tag I will eventually create so you will be able to filter those out 😋

I do curse(?) idk I used to curse a lot but I tend to not anymore (?) but yea I'll probably end up cursing in excitement or anger

I'm kinda boring so don't expect anything amazing from this blog, bc that's basically all it is, a blog. I do reblog a bunch of stuff and basically treat this as my own digital time capsule. So yea

I have ocs! That I will hopefully post about! Eventually! uh yea I haven't really posted any content about them online bc idk I haven't felt motivated to?

My interests change a lotttt so if I'm randomly reblogging content for something I hadn't been a week ago or stop talking/reblogging about something I usually do, don't be surprised, I'll probably come back to be into that thing(?) quite soon

On that note, content to expect would be kpop, anime, oc/art, book, and life-related things. I'll probably juggle between those topics

I'll try to be active and I do genuinely want more friends, altho my skills in online communicating are..... below the bar I suppose. Basically what I mean is that I have more social anxiety online than I do irl bc I can't see facial expressions ig, so yea I'll try to respond eventually

To make people aware, altho I doubt I'll post very much on it, I do ship(?) idols. Now it's kind of complicated, bc it's less about me wanting them to date irl as it is I enjoy their dynamics and I think they make cute couples in fiction. This is why in my DNI I say to not interact if you can't tell fiction from reality, bc in no way whatsoever do I want these idols to be forced to do fanservice that consists of acting "romantically" between their bandmates. I have no expectations for any of it to be real, and if I am reblogging ship-related content, it's mostly going to be gifs/photos displaying their irl friendship. If anyone wants me to go into more detail on how I "ship" idols, I'd be happy to, bc I do want to reiterate that I am not a delulu, a saesang, or fetishizing queer relationships, I merely think the dynamics are great character-wise and appreciate the dynamics the idols choose to show us (this sounds super defensive, as if I am actually all those things I said I wasn't, but it's for you to decide)

if a scandal of any type occurs with a group that I love and support, I doubt I will truly talk about it on here. I do "knowingly" continue to support idols that have appropriated cultures, but I do not condone it at all. I have no idea how to "hold idols accountable" when I hold no internet presence and aren't korean/don't live in Korea. if you choose to unstan a group that I continue to talk about, feel free to block me and/or "educate" me (talk to me) about the scandals and the severity of it.