#and if anything this is only going to make us stream this album even harder

[aespabangedup]

WINTER'S ONLY FAN:

Warning: Pure Smut. Don't ask for any morality. (No reblog, repost or anything that may invade writer's rights is allowed)

Update: This is one of the planned upload, not the prized three upload I promised before. [Still hoping people will delete past reblogs, even if it's a little tedious to do. Or else maybe I will stop after the planned uploads are finished]

Winter have her only fan schedule today, no that only fan isn't you. Rather...

Winter sitting in front of her webcam as per schedule. Two macho fans have been invited and sitting on both side of her, wearing masks. It's her Only Fan streaming day. Due to busy schedule she can't stream a lot but when she does, she attracts millions of fans waiting to see her idol pussy on full glorious display. Well, other three have Only Fan too so don't worry about seeing their pussy later on.

Today is a little special as they have just come back with a successful album and she wants to make things even more juicer. So she have picked two lucky fans from a huge paid lottery pool (earned a fortune in the process) to fuck her in a ranchy threesome.

She is wearing a skimpy top and hot safety short. Her aroused nipples are poking out from her relatively flat boobs. She sat down spreading her legs so all can have a better view of her camel toe crotch, wore no panty as she will go naked soon.

Without any introduction she started her job like the professional whore she is. She have given her fans full authority over her body and let them lead the night.

A pure slutty expression in her face as she is kissing and getting kissed by both man in her face, lips and neck while they are both caressing her body, boobs, nipples and pressing her clit and ass hole over the pant. She is moaning a little. She have already pulled out their dick and giving a hand job with both hand, playing like a joystick.

Soon the impatient fans tear down her top and short uncovering her pinky pussy and pointy nipple boobs. They have started to suck her tiny babies while their hands are super busy fingering both her holes down there, stretching and preparing her for fucking. They are also making her suck their finger to give her a taste of her own holes.

She start moaning as the men are fully focusing on her pussy fingering now. With two hand's double penetration, soon she start to shake uncontrollably, burst out cumming with a loud scream. She have completely drenched their hands and the floor in front of her.

This is just beginning as the men decided to not wait anymore. So they put her on all four and each took one of her hole, burying their hard cock in her pussy and deep in throat. The doll like idol is now literally getting used like those expensive realistic lifesize fuck doll, giving her fans imaginable pleasure.

The one inside her pussy is groaning loudly as her pussy is biting on his cock, while she herself is groaning from the cock in her mouth as it bulbous head chocking her, hitting the back of her throat repeatedly. But she loves this feeling of getting throughly abused cause she is a whore.

Now the men is just pulling and pushing her in unison as her moving body is fucking itself on their dicks instead of them pounding her. Just like a fleshlight, back and forth back and forth. Her pussy juice leaking and saliva drolling out as the men fapping with their fleshlight faster and faster. Weird arousing sound from her holes are like music for horny fans.

Soon the man inside her mouthpussie grabbed her head and started to fuck her harder deep throat. Seeing him the man behind grabbed her hourglass hip as handle and started to pound her wet tight pussy. Mmmph smack mmm smack mmhhp smack

Her muffled moaning and man's crotch hitting her ass sound filing the room. Suddenly the man inside her pussy stopped, he is cumming inside filling her small pussy with cum. Winter arched her back as she started to cum herself from the hot sensation inside her baby hole. Seeing them both cumming the man inside her mouth let go his weeks of saved cum direct in her food pipe making her choke. What an erotic chain of fucking reaction!

They pull out and Winter collapse on the bed, chest heaving. Cum in the corner of her lips and leaking out of her pussy. They move the camera and shows her throughly fucked holes before continue their love making.

Without giving her any chance to rest, the men change position and put Winter on her back. Now they enter her again, but now we can see her pinky hole, lewd deepthroating face and her yummy tummy bulged with the men's cock.

Her hourglss slim waist and tight tummy was bulging with every thrust, visible in the recording of cam. Her throat too is bulging as the man going as deep in her mouth possible. They are fucking her intensely cause they don't want to have any regret later on for not fucking her throughly. She is having a hard time to catch her breath but her wellbeing is not their problem right now.

They changed the position again without cumming this time. Now one cock in her pussy and another cock just entered her ass. Her ass is so tight that the man thought it will break his manhood by half! With a loud cursing the man shoved his entire length in her ass, making her cry loudly while her scream is muffled from the choking cock.

She is now getting manhandled on two cocks, literally getting bounced as they are fucking her standing. They are just dropping her on their upward spear. The constant impaling of her womanhood by their manhood with tremendous force wash away any sense of wellbeing she had. Her face got disfigured from a overwhelming amount of lust, making her face lwed like those hentai whores.

She is cumming pretty quickly now, while making meaningless sound that are coming from her cummed mouthpussy. The men's legs and dicks are dripping as she keep squirting her juice all over the places.

The men ain't stoping, the one in her ass now holding her in full Nelson hands around her thigh giving them better access to her holes. Now they are pounding her upward while she is orgasming nonstop making her body quiver form immeasurable pleasure and sensory load. She is blabbering nonsense, hard to wonder that same mouth is of a singer's.

The night is young, they are only going to go faster and faster and Winter got no escape from getting pleasured in all her holes for entire night. She is now a ego less fucktoy and she simply loves it.

After few final thrust the men cum deep inside her holes. Then they literally throw her on her bed and get on top of her to fuck her mercilessly for the rest of the night....

That's how they started the whole night sex and the stream only end at next morning. Winter is nothing but a oversensetive puddle now, eyes half open as the pounding have ended. They showed her creampied gapped red asshole, darkened fluffy pussy, protruding clit and slutty expression on her face before ending the stream.

A smile of pleasure was seen on Winter's face just before the end of streaming! After all, her pent up stress got washed away with her waves of cum, pleasure and lust. She definitely made her family proud with such pornstar level performance, what a messy dripping cunt their cute idol daughter has become!

[sageistri]

I think that PJMs being as passionate about Jimin as they are is sort of a double edged sword. It’s like that saying there’s a thin line between love and hate. I just think a lot of PJMs who spend too much time supporting Jimin or in stan spaces can start to feel entitled to certain things from him, and more resentful when he doesn’t deliver. 

I didn’t care for SGMB but I just moved on and lowered my expectations a little for the album. If I hate it, it’s not a big deal. I’ll talk about it with my friends and a little on here, but I’m not going to make long dramatic doom rant posts that feel weirdly resentful or antagonistic towards Jimin as a whole. It’s like they can’t dislike something without being so intensely emotional about it. 

Then there’s the people who have to love EVERYTHING he does, isn’t that tiring too? I think that would also lead towards a lot of resentment. I think it’s a product of stanning and feeling defensive because of other solos and competition, but also protective because the hate he gets is so bad. There are going to be PJMs disappointed if the rest of the album is like SGMB just because it’s not their kind of music, but there’s going to be a big batch of them who are more disappointed because they wanted to use this album to compete with other members and show Jimin’s impact and feel superior. 

I just think a lot of fans would do well to take a step back and touch grass and realize none of this is so serious and examine what exactly they like Jimin for in the first place, and understand it’s okay to unstan if he’s not delivering that. I think a lot are too caught up and care too much about what people are saying online and the whole stanning thing. And then there’s a lot who want to live vicariously through him and his achievements and personality, especially his “cunty” image. 

I’m not trying to criticize PJMs for being passionate and hardworking, I just worry sometimes that if Jimin really ends up not doing the things they want him to do with his solo career instead of just unstanning they’ll turn into the worst kinds of antis (some already are). 

JK probably delivers what his fans want from him so far, he’s good at Y/N content (intentional or not), even his brand deal caters to that boyfriend image, he puts out straight forward pop music, and most importantly he went the big numbers route that a huge portion of his fanbase cares about the most. His solos love that Twitter clout more than the music or anything else because they're all jobless and chronically online.

KTHs probably don’t like TH’s music, but his music goes with his persona and his aesthetic that they’re all crazy about. TH also seems like he’s putting effort into building his brand and image and networking, and his fans are obsessed with followers and IG likes and “most popular” so that BP influencer route is probably exactly what they want. They’re also all visual stans so his photobook and all that work well for them too. And shippers will be happy as long as he doesn't confirm another relationship and feeds them every now and then.

Genuinely, what do Jimin’s fans want from him the most? Music, performance, popularity, bragging rights, specific visuals? Is it something inherently harder to deliver than the rest of the BTS members and what their audiences want from them? I think that what Jimin himself wants out of his solo career is a little less clear than some of the other members too. 

FACE was my favorite album and I know that if I don’t like MUSE Jimin has all the tools to create his next LC when he’s back and that he’ll never stop making music and performing, so there’s always the chance I’ll get my next LC or Filter. I don’t care about the other stuff that much personally, and I only put as much time into streaming as I'm comfortable with. But I just don’t know about the majority of PJMs, sometimes I’m not sure what they’re thinking or wanting from him. (obviously other solos have their major issues too but i dont pay as much attention to them)

Sometimes this reminds me of the way that some boycotters are with BTS now.

.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Nick Helm’s a bit like Rhys James, in that any time I’m not actually looking at him I think of him vaguely as one in a sea of comedians who can be rather amusing on a TV panel show sometimes but he’s nothing special. And then every time I actually watch him, I remember, oh right, he’s fucking hilarious. That is the only thing Nick Helm has in common with Rhys James.

I watched the NextUp stream of his 2023 Edinburgh show, and God, that was so much fun. So much fun. The energy. So much energy. Where does he find the energy? …I just looked up his age, because to be honest I though it would be around 50, and I’ve learned it’s 42. But somehow, the wildly high levels of energy he puts out there make him seem older than he actually is. I think because what happens is he uses wildly high levels of energy, this tires him out, so he’s always out of breath and looks like he’s on the verge of keeling over, and therefore, I thought he was older than he actually is. 42’s not that old. Lots of people could keep this up at 42. But it’s possible that Nick Helm has aged himself beyond his years by so much time doing this shit.

He’s older than he used to be, I’ll say that. In that Edinburgh stream from last week, he looked noticeably older than in his Catsdown Dictionary Corner spots from the mid-2010s. But weirdly, given his comedy style, I think that actually helps. Because he hasn’t slowed down. He just looks like maintaining the energy levels is harder for him than it used to be, and making it look like everything he’s doing is really hard for him is part of his schtick. A schtick that works even better now that he does have grey in hair, and his voice is gone a bit, and he’s out of breath after every song. I realize this is coming off as an incredibly backhanded compliment, “I love the way Nick Helm seems old and fading now.” But honestly, I really do love it! He’s always been great fun, but I think I like this version of him best. Because let’s be honest – he was never a great singer. A beautiful singing voice wasn’t the point. The point was that he was a bit raspy because he kept going comically over the top to try to sing too intensely. Well, at this point, he starts getting the raspiness in his voice earlier than he used to, I think. And it works.

This show was for the tenth anniversary of his album Hot ‘n’ Heavy, which came out in 2013. It’s not a stand-up comedy show, it’s a concert. He plays every song off the album, in order. He does some talking between the songs, and does establish a comedy bit that runs through the whole show, where he berates the audience for not being good enough. He builds it up and then pays it off with enough skill to remind you that he is a comedian, but this isn’t a musical comedy show. It’s a music concert but the songs are funny. And it’s great. It feels like how Nick Helm is meant to be. He’s up there with a full band (a band that includes, among other people, comedians Rob Deering and Huge Davies), and concert-style lights and shit, running around the stage like a rockstar, shout-singing at the audience for an hour and a half.

I think this will reappear on NextUp when they catch up in September, if anyone wants to watch it. You can also buy the album on Bandcamp, though to be honest, seeing Nick Helm’s wild stage presence really adds stuff to it that you don’t get in an audio-only album. It’s amazingly funny to hear his songs delivered while he physically regards his audience with the intensity of a man challenging them to a fight, throwing everything at them that he possibly can, until his voice goes hoarse and he’s literally gasping for breath.

I’d say this song summarizes Nick Helm pretty well. If you like this, then check out more of his stuff. If you don’t, then you will not like anything else he’s ever done. I think it's excellent.

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

like I think people have been saying for months, the full breadth of the songs on jungkook’s album will be what’s really telling. I fully expect that bts’ future title tracks will be very gp/western friendly, or at least 1/2 of the title tracks of any one album will be that. That’s how they’re going to keep attracting new fans and get up the charts. But it’s not like they’re going to produce an album of Dynamites, or other songs that they haven’t written and have little meaning. There’s no reason to - they have millions of fans and the gp won’t listen to their b-sides anyways. I don’t care if jungkook has another seven-esque title track, since that’s been par for the course recently and I’m fully expecting it, but I would find a full album of meaningless English easy pop pretty disappointing bc (1) I don’t think it’s a necessary or even particularly helpful part of meeting his goals to make the entire album like that and (2) it just starts getting further and further away from the foundation of artistry. If bts hadn’t put out Be, I think the fandom would have felt a lot more unsettled about the english trilogy. I only really get the point of getting more people to listen to you if you have something to say once they dive in

now, after that very long paragraph, I was wondering what your thoughts are on the theory that jungkook is being pushed out there to gain fans and draw them into bts in 2025? I’m not saying that he doesn’t want it himself - it’s clear that he does - but do you foresee a mass of gp listeners of jungkook being drawn into bts? To me seven is pretty passive listener friendly so idk if I see that

Hmm... the thing is, if JK's album really is all in English, there's a good chance he isn't involved in writing the lyrics at all, and working with the Seven team I have little hopes for good lyricism. Even Layover, with Korean lyrics, isn't a strong album in that regard - clichéd love lyrics don't tell me anything. Unless there's something specific that Jungkook wants to talk about, there's no guarantee that the lyrics in his album will be based on his experiences or relatable or meaningful in any way. He likes romantic songs, so atp I'm expecting songs about sex, breakups and falling in love. Maybe a fan song if we're lucky? Jungkook's album is not a BTS album. BTS, and Jungkook included, write meaningful lyrics for the group - that's in BTS's DNA. But Jungkook, the soloist, and not the BTS member, may not feel that meaningful lyrics are necessary, or think that vague romantic lyrics are universal enough - they certainly appeal to a lot of people. And the entire album will be GP friendly imo, but it won't all be pop like Seven - perhaps RnB, a ballad, and maybe one harder song like SMF Pt. 2, which Jungkook really likes? All of it depends on the producers JK works with tbh.

If Jungkook was being pushed, wouldn't him and the members see through that attempt? Plus, BTS seem to have a good relationship with their staff. Jungkook wouldn't let himself be pushed to do something he doesn't want imo, and the members wouldn't either. The most streamed kpop songs that came out in 2022 and 2023 are Jungkook's, he performed at the World Cup, he's always trending and breaking records, Seven is a massive hit, he's going to perform at a big festival, his CK campaign was huge, the number 1, 4 and 9 songs currently on BTS's Spotify profile are Jungkook's, etc. Of course he's going to attract new fans, or even keep casual fans interested in the group (and all members will do so, for that matter), but I doubt he's going to let himself be used and pushed to do something he doesn't want to do - that's not what chapter 2 is about, and Jungkook trusts Army. If his choices end up aligning with what Hybe wants, all the better then. I think BTS all became brand ambassadors to have an easy and consistent stream of revenue and exposure, and precisely to keep the pressure off of their music, allowing them to do whatever they want. Maybe Bang Pd or someone else had hopes that Seven would be a huge hit, especially since BTS haven't had one since 2021. But, like you said, Jungkook chose Seven because he wanted to. Isn't one of the goals of a company to attract new fans in general? I don't know if they've chosen Jungkook for anything. They shouldn't limit themselves to one person. And that would imply giving Jungkook all their high profile projects but every member's done high profile stuff. Jungkook promoted more in the West because Seven's that kind of song. It would be hard to promote More, Wild Flower, Slow Dancing and Haegeum on US radio shows. Only LC and The Astronaut would work somewhat, but I still think LC isn't that radio friendly.

So, yeah, I don't think Jungkook's being pushed. The goal in chapter 2 is to maximize profit and increase/maintain BTS's popularity while respecting their choices, because, clearly, they're being given free reign (within reason I guess), and if the higher-ups want JK to make more songs like Seven and to promote a certain way, they'll have to settle with whatever Jungkook chooses to do. All members have the option to go down JK's route anyway. Obviously, JK's choices make it way easier to boost BTS's popularity with the GP, and reaching the GP has also been one of JK's goals with his solo career, but that's a bonus. At this point, I think promoting the members individually and separately from BTS should be the goal, or a goal. Hybe knows that. They're in a vulnerable position if they're too dependent on BTS. Boosting the members' individual popularity and not depending too much on any of the members is the best strategy. You never know if someone gets injured and can't perform for a year (knock on wood).

Anyway, about Seven attracting new fans, the song doesn't stand out much, it's true, but there are always people who choose to check Jungkook out - either because they recognize his name or BTS's, or because they really like his voice or song - and some of them will end up listening to other JK or BTS songs and enjoy them. Plus, JK's CK campaigns and the Seven MV are stan attractors and will draw in potential fans who discover Jungkook through Seven.

Thanks for the ask!

[whyispotatoheadalreadytaken]

I recently saw Regina Spektor at the Ryman. She's been on my bucket list for a long time now. She played a few songs I enjoyed but not as many as I had hoped for. I still kick myself for not seeing her back in 2017. That was my senior year of college. There was no way I could swing it with 19 credit hours, a practicum, and two jobs. That setlist was perfect, so I think I should've tried harder. Seeing her this time was mostly good. I knew it would be an emotional time, but I got caught off guard in the worst way imaginable during the concert. After she played Eet, one of my all-time favs of hers, she almost immediately went into a different song. I recognized the piano, and when it clicked, I couldn't breathe or stop the steady leak from my eyes. It didn't even feel like I was crying. It just wouldn't stop streaming out of my eyes. I don't know how to explain it. My brain goes into flight or fight as I recognize The Grand Hotel. I'm shot back to July 2020. I had just told Zoë what had happened before I went to the hospital, and we went to her friend's house to watch Hamilton. After that, we went to RJ's so she could swim in his pool…which was awesome. Loved that. Made me feel so good that we were just randomly stopping by. That this is the first place we're going after being emotionally tortured and retraumatized by Hamilton. I have almost no memory of RJ's. I only remember staring down at the pool and how I felt. I remember feeling invisible and humiliated. The shame. I was beyond not okay when it came time to leave, so I put on the only person I knew who could help me feel not so hopeless, Regina Spektor. We drove to the park after that and walked around almost in silence. I wasn't sure what we were doing anymore or the point of anything or trying to make things better after living through this day. From start to finish, I felt like I was nothing. Not a person. Just nothing. Guess I deserve that, though, right? After she was done walking around the park, I drove us home. The road was all I could see as the song played. I dissociated the entire car ride home so I wouldn't have a mental breakdown. I stared out the windshield of the mini, wholly focused on the road, just listening to Regina's Remember Us To Life album. It had not occurred to me that I've not heard any song from that album since that car ride home from one of the worst days of my entire life. I didn't see this coming and hadn't prepared for this. I look to my left slightly, and Zoë is crying too. I'm unsure of why and afraid to ask because I don't want to know what she is thinking about. I don't want to talk about why I'm in shambles, so I keep staring at Regina, waiting for all this to pass. Once it does, I focus on breathing, though I still can't stop the steady leaking from the corners of my eyes. Sometime later, Regina tells us that she happened to be in town at the same time as her dear friend, Ben Folds and that she wanted to invite him to the stage. Shocked, I turn to Zoë, who is so excited.

"BEN FOLDS IS HERE," is all she can get out.

Hamilton.

Then, I begin to reenter my trauma brain as the only thing I can get out in hardly a whisper is "Theodosia." I don't think she even heard me.

And that's precisely what happens. Regina and Ben covered Dear Theodosia back in 2016. This was the only song from Hamilton I had known before seeing the musical. Zoë is sobbing, probably for a different reason than I am. At least, I'm hoping it's for another reason. I'm hoping it's because of how much she loves Hamilton and that it's unrelated to that terrible day. It's hard to know, though, because her love for Hamilton is also derived from how much that time in our lives was horrible. Hamilton was how she coped. I'm not sure how she was able to cope with Hamilton. It was so painful; it took me two years to listen to it, and I still can't listen to all of it. If I hadn't had such a visceral reaction to The Grand Hotel, I would've been in a better head space to enjoy Dear Theodosia. The pairing of the two was too much. So, I would do it again, with some more preparation next time for the potential of reliving some not so great memories.

[kiwikiwiandkiwi]

.

[softtdaisy]

🌷 Andrew Garfield x younger singer y/n x Finally // beautiful stranger by Halsey

_beautiful stranger

andrew garfield x fem!singer!reader

based on: finally//beautiful stranger by Halsey

summary: at the Grammys, you decide to sing a song showing your love for Andrew

words: 639

a/n: i guess you were the same anon with Halsey so thank you again I hope you will love this sweet story 💛

join my secret garden for my 1k celebration 🌸

“And now please welcome [y/n]!”

The whole crowd went crazy and applauded while you were getting ready on stage. If it was still difficult for you to see your fans go crazy during your concert, it was even harder to watch celebrities go feral for you. Like, you? You still feel like a baby in the industry, even if you released your second album a few weeks ago.

And currently playing at the Grammys where you were nominated.

If you had to be honest, you knew your relationship with Andrew was helping your sudden popularity. Maybe it was your age gap, or that people were surprised to see Andrew in a public relationship, but they kept talking about it. And the stream of your last album exploded when fans assumed some songs were about Andrew.

They were right.

“This is my new song, Beautiful Stranger.” You noticed Andrew in the crowd and waved at him discreetly before the music started. It was always comforting to see him smile at you like you were the most precious person in the world.

You wanted to thank him for being the best support in your career. And remind the world that this relationship was the most beautiful thing in your world.

“You got hips like Jagger and two left feet, and I wonder if you'd like to meet” the night you met was at a birthday you were both invited. You danced like two strangers without thinking about what was coming next.

You had no idea love was what was coming next.

“Think I know a bar where they would leave us alone and I wonder if you'd take it slow” when you wanted to see Andrewc you had to find a place where nobody would come to you. Which is why you offered him to go to the bar next to your apartment, a small bar owned by an old lady that couldn’t care less about who’s coming. But would do anything to protect you from curious people. And if you wondered if Andrew would love to take his time, the kiss he gave you that night prove you he was more than ready to move on with you.

“The truth is this that I've never seen a mouth that I would kill to kiss” was something you said to Andrew the first night he came to your place. It became clear that you were falling for that man and falling hard. And so was he.

“I grab your hand and then we run to the car singin' in the street and playin' air guitar” When you were with Andrew you never feared being ridiculous. Why would you when the only person that really mattered was by your side doing the same things? The night you had fun in the street, was the night the first pictures of you together were taken. And the next morning, The whole world knew about you and Andrew.

“Beautiful stranger, here you are in my arms and I think it's finally safe for me to fall.” Falling for Andrew was without a doubt the best fall you made in your life. No matter what people might think or say about you together, and sometimes you saw terrible rumours going in, you knew you made the best decision by dating that beautiful stranger.

A few hours later, you won that Grammy you fully deserved. And the first person you turned to and kissed was the person that inspired you with all these beautiful songs. The same guy that had his name written in your album. The same man you thank on stage tonight. “And thank you to my love, my soulmate. Andrew, without you life would be a sad black and white picture and you make it a colourful piece of art. I love you”

[p-antomime]

— minors don’t interact.

— wc: 1,4K.

content + warnings: 18+, dom!hanma shuuji, fingering, non con, stalking, obssession, toxic hanma, mention of just one cigarette, manhandle, vaginal sex, misogyny, dehumanization, dark content.

pairings: stalker!hanma shuuji* x k-pop idol!fem!reader.

* = future!hanma shuuji.

request.

tw. this work may contain triggers about stalkers, misogyny and sexual abuse, so please be careful reading.

So... stalker!hanma shuuji, that's interesting

first of all, I don't think stalker!hanma would be interested in any female k-pop group that was cute or even sexy in concept, but something more girl crush (like ITZY) or elegant (like Psycho by Red Velvet).

that being said, stalker!hanma would be a big fan, maybe the #1 fan, of your group since the middle of the pre-debut era, when the official formation of the group hadn't even been fully released.

and at the exact moment his eyes fell on your beautiful, flawless, stunning figure, something seemed to click in stalker!hanma's brain

soon after, stalker!hanma found himself going after any and all information on the Internet he could find about you, about where you came from, if you had any siblings, what your position in the final group was, how tall you were, how much you weighed, how you went to school and if there was anything problematic in your school file; any bullying scandals that the company swept under the rug, any scandals involving you being underage and going to nightclubs; anything about you.

stalker!hanma started to orbit around you, his mind started to become 24/7 addicted to thinking about you, you, you, you, you

and when you debuted, he streamed the MV so much that during the end of the day before bedtime it felt like his head was going to explode, and it wasn't long before he started trying to spread the word about you (and your group, but you were more important and a priority to him) on Twitter, on Instagram, on Facebook, on TikTok, on any social network he could find

stalker!hanma who would definitely pay internal staff from your agency to get your group's weekly schedule to follow you around the streets to take pictures, record videos, and most importantly, to make sure that no one on the streets of Seoul nor your group mates would treat you badly - since this was a job he preferred to do on his own

and that, brings us to the next two topics:

stalker!hanma who would open a fansite¹ to have an excuse to follow you around the streets photographing you even on days when there was nothing scheduled in your idol career, and so it wasn't long before he started to fall under the sasaeng² label by other fans of your group

stalker!hanma who would not necessarily become an akgae³ of yours, but would see your akgaes attacking other members of your group on the internet and in Korean forums and would not scold them, just watch and mentally agree, since you alone in his mind outshone your fellow members and deserved much more stardom than them

stalker!hanma who would cum tribute to you on Twitter via a recorded video and every time he ejaculated over the printed photos of you that he took himself or the photocards that came as gifts in your group albums, the only thought echoing in his mind was how much he wanted to bury his cock inside you, nice and deep

and every time stalker!hanma was thinking about manhandling you during his sexual fantasies with you, he would cum harder, with more intensity

stalker!hanma who would almost explode with rage when at your girl group's first comeback, the company disclosed that the concept to be executed would be sexier, and he would not be angry that two of yours group friends were still underage and because of sexualization, but because other people would see what was his in positions and aspects and actions that only he could and should see

stalker!hanma who, after your agency's disclosure of the concept, would start plotting a personal plan of how to finally get his hands on you, shamelessly taking advantage of the fact that after promotions at music concerts in Korea you would return to your home alone

and how did he know? By paying to get information from other sasaengs and to internal staffs of your company.

and during all this time that he prepared the plan, stalker!hanma would desperately look for k-pop nsfw accounts on Twitter with female bodies looking like yours to masturbate and cum at least three times in a row, with the swollen tip of his cock starting to hurt at the end of it all

but, it was no longer enough, fucking his hand to porn was no longer enough, he wanted, needed to cum deep inside you, fill your pussy totally with cum while subduing you by being so much taller and stronger than you

It wasn't long before the perfect chance to catch you completely off guard arrived, inside information from your agency said that next Friday you would end up going home alone because while some girls were going to practice a little more choreography, others were planning to go out to dinner tonight just to celebrate the comeback

stalker!hanma who left the house that day wearing a black sweatshirt set and waited for you outside the company building anxiously with a cigarette between his lips, but not close enough to deliver his presence there

stalker!hanma who followed you for several blocks and knew that you knew he was following you

the several times you looked back over one shoulder trying to disguise your apprehension gave you away, the way your shoulders seemed too tense gave you away

and now it was right over eight o'clock at night, you were prowling various streets for more than forty minutes trying to lose stalker!

you even tried to look for someone in the middle of the road to ask for help before you got back on the right path home, your mind racing a thousand times trying to figure out some way you wouldn't have to run for your life because you knew he would catch up with you sooner or later and it would be worse if he got in a bad mood

and your mind briefly remembered seeing stalker!hanma in the cold streets of Seoul following you and taking pictures, so much so that the girls in your group liked to joke that your not-so-secret secret admirer was always on the prowl, they made fun of the fact that you had a stalker.

stalker!hanma, who when he saw you approaching a street that led to a dead end, rushed to run towards you and it didn't take long for his hands to reach your body.

— Shhh~ — Hanma purred, pinning you against the dirty wall with his much taller body as he pinned your arms behind your back and used his other hand to pull down the sweatpants you were wearing. — I don't want to hurt you, I love you, I love you so much that it hurts inside of me. We were made for each other, you'll see that soon enough, my love. — Now tears escaped yours eyes and yours legs tried to kick Hanma away; and foolish mistake: this only helped him to steady himself between them, with his erect cock still covered by his underwear and pants brushing up against your pussy now hidden only by lacy panties.

Screams for help escaped your throat to the point where your vocal cords quickly began to burn with pain, fear growing deeper and deeper inside you.

Eventually, Hanma already had his hand shoved inside your panties, pressing on your clit with an agility that almost made your mind forget the principle of your situation. Soon after, your walls unashamedly were massively squeezing his long, slender, slim fingers inside you. The wet sounds of your pussy blending with the sound of your crying and Shuuji's moans of pleasure.

It was a matter of time before Hanma was able to shove his cock deep inside you. Every vein of his being felt deep inside you, deep inside your soul. And at that moment you just gave up. You gave up crying, your throat aching, and your hands clamped down on Hanma's thin shoulders in a way not to lose your balance as he began to thrust hard into you. Back and forth, back and forth. It was almost a dream for Hanma Shuuji, to have his cock finally being engulfed into the biggest star of his life.

Hanma had left you facing forward from the beginning, staring at him, your back to the cold wall of the alley because he wanted you to see him take possession of you, wanted you to see him steal your body for him. Hanma wanted you to see the smile of ecstasy and self-centeredness decorating his lips.

Glossary.

¹ = fans who LEGALLY follow their idols during their working hours to photograph them, they are usually Korean fans who have a lot of money.

² = is an obsessive fan who stalks or engages in other behavior constituting an invasion of the privacy of the idol.

³ = a fan who likes only one member of a group and hates the others.

[iu-jjang]

[FROM.IU] 211018 It’s been a month 🥰 - 3:30am

Since it’s late at night, I’m going to use informal speech 🌚

Uaena-ya, are you asleep?

I’m lying down cos I’m going to sleep now

Tmr at this time, you’d be listening to the (new) song.

I hope this will be a good present for our uaenas this time too.

I hope you guys will have sweet dreams after listening to strawberry moon tomorrow💜 The weather is starting to get really cold from today right? I heard tmr is going to be even colder, so everyone take out your fleece (jackets)!! I miss uaenas~~~

Really miss you guys~~~~~

I prepared for this song really excitedly this time?! It’s been awhile since I worked on a project like this without any pressure 🙂 I was hoping to convey such things to uaenas. Many uaenas seem to be worried about the song being released at midnight cos of the scores (charts), but to be honest.. I hope our uaenas won’t be too stressed cos of the charts. I just hope you’ll enjoy listening to the song if you like it. I wish that you’ll go to bed in a good mood after listening to the song.

That’s really all I ask of uaenas this time 🙂

Sometimes.. I feel that it’s a pity that even though they are my scores (charts), uaenas seem to be more concerned and more stressed than me.

For me, at this point, it might be difficult to do even better on the charts in future. I think of it as something only natural. Because I’ve honestly already enjoyed a lot 🙂

Umm… I’m not sure whether this question will be included eventually, but I did an interview recently. One of the questions was along the lines of ‘Someday, what if people don’t listen to IU’s songs as much any more?’ I answered the question honestly, but after the interview, this thought came to my mind. I’m ready, but I think it might be tough for my fans?

I’m honestly fine if some day, I become a singer that is not as popular, as long as uaenas listen to my songs!

I might have even more freedom than I do now, to be able to do more different genres of music. It’s just you guys 🥰 so you don’t need to feel sad from worrying about me!! In case you’re not just worried about my feelings, I’ll work harder to make songs that people will like, to the best of my abilities, so don’t worry about that either!! This time, don’t worry about anything and just enjoy the song.

Whenever I release an album or digital single, I feel like I’m loading you guys with happiness and worry at the same time, so it makes me nervous.. I wish you guys could just be hyped about it!! ☹️ Will you be able to do that for me? Have a heart-fluttering day today with no stress, listen to strawberry moon at midnight feeling happier than anyone else and don’t give up on sleep to stream the song, just go to bed!! And listen to the song again when you wake up in the morning 🥰

Haa.. I hope the moon is shining brightly tomorrow..

Goodnight everyone, I’m always so grateful towards all of you

Have a good day and come back again 💜

Translated by IUteamstarcandy with love

[sourholland]

Ooooh angst “what about us?” “there is no us, there never was.” with tom plssss! Really love ur work 🌸

Last Kiss || Tom Holland

Summary → After a fling you and Tom had started while filming a movie together, he tells you that you two can’t be together anymore. Once you get home, Tom let’s you know that he made a mistake.

AN → This was supposed to come out yesterday, I just got lazy and waited to edit it. I can’t tell if I like how this came out or hate it, either way, I hope you guys like this. Also in honor of the Fearless re-record!!

Pairing(s) → Tom Holland x Fem!Reader

Warnings → Strong Language, Suggestive, Alcohol Use

Prompt(s) → 38

Word Count → 1.9k

The ringing of your phone sounded through your apartment loudly, the sound of the rain pattering loudly against the windows out-looking New York City. You set down the remote, feet padding against the cold hardwood while you looked for your buzzing cellphone.

You didn’t bother glancing at the caller ID, picking it up bringing it to your ear all in one quick motion.

“Hello?” You said, pulling a wine glass down from the cabinet.

“Y/N?” Tom’s voice came through the phone.

Your heart dropped, a breath catching in your throat while you stood in your kitchen. He was across the country, wanting nothing to do with you. He repeated your name through the phone, asking if you were there.

“Yeah, I’m here,” you answered, pouring more wine than you’d originally intended into the glass.

“Isn’t it like one in the morning in England?” You asked, listening to the muffles coming through the speaker.

“Yeah—yeah, it’s late here. I just couldn’t sleep, and I started to think of you. Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have called.”

You sat at one of the barstools, swirling the red contents of the glass around. You wanted to yell at him, or maybe you wanted to tell him how much you loved him. You sat silently for a few moments, bare legs cold from the draft.

“Tom,” you started. “I just don’t get why we have to rehash the past, you know? I came back to New York, just like you told me I should. You’re working on whatever new movie, I’m doing the same. I don’t know—I just think we should leave whatever happened between us alone. You made it very clear that it was me that you didn’t want,” you mumbled, pulling at the sleeves of your sweater.

He audibly sighed, the ruffling of sheets coming through the phone. He was probably in bed, if he wasn’t so far away you’d have asked him if this was a sad attempt at getting you to sleep with him.

“I was fucking stupid, and I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so fucking sorry, I’ve said that a million times,” his voice was hoarse and tired.

“I’ve already forgiven you, Tom. I just can’t keep doing this—this thing with you.”

You both went quiet for a minute, the only sound being the noise from outside in the bustling streets of the city and the rain. You knew you should hang up, block his number and forget about anything you two ever had. You’d tried a few times, unable to bring yourself to doing it.

“What about us?” He asked lowly, a twinge of hurt in his tired voice.

“There is no us, Tom,” you replied. “I’m not even sure there ever was.”

He didn’t say anything, you wanted to let out the repressed cry and tell him you didn’t mean it. That you were sorry and that you thought about him more than you’d like to admit. Something in you knew if you didn’t do your best to cut it off, you two would continue down the same everlasting cycle.

“Okay,” he said.

“Okay.”

The line went silent for a moment, and then your home screen lit up. The call had been ended. You downed the remainder of your wine, ditching the cup and just going for the bottle. You thought about calling him back, about apologizing and booking a plane ticket like some lovesick teenager.

You opened Instagram and began scrolling through your feed of posts, liking and commenting occasionally. You weren’t anywhere near drunk, merely tipsy and heartbroken. Your finger lingered on the button to go live, wondering if you really wanted thousands of people to see you in this state.

You left the kitchen and instead propped your phone against the couch, taking a seat on the white rug of your living room. You wearily pressed the go live button, raising the bottle to your chapped lips once more. You are pathetic, you thought.

“Hey guys!” You smiled at the camera and outpouring of greetings in the comments. Within a few minutes you’d racked in a few thousand viewers. You grabbed the guitar sitting against your wall and strummed the cords lightly while it sat in your lap.

userone: you are so adorable

usertwo: can you please say hi?!!!??

userthree: it’s my birthday y/n!

“I’m sorry I haven’t been very active on social media, guys. It’s been super crazy traveling back and forth from London to New York and then having to leave again in a few weeks. And now I’m sitting on my living room floor with a bottle of wine,” you laughed. A few familiar people popped into the comments of the live, some you’ve worked with and some you’ve yet to meet in person.

florencepugh: y/n!!!

gracieabrams: might just bust out the wine just for u

“Florence, I can’t wait to see you soon!” You smiled, “Gracie, I swear it’s making everything like a hundred times better.”

userfour: i’m in love with her

userfive: y/n saving 2021???!!!

“I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to be singing,” you flushed. You did sing, before getting into acting you’d post a lot on Instagram and TikTok. It’d always been more of a hobby, something you loved to do, but weren’t good enough to pursue.

“I’ve had a little too much to drink,” you added. “So don’t get upset if I’m a little pitchy, guys.”

usersix: if she’s pitchy i’m not sure what i am

userseven: sing taylor swift!!!

“Okay, okay!” You chuckled, scrolling through the hundreds of comments saying to play Taylor Swift. You’d only just been crying to like three of her albums a few hours before.

“How about the chorus—and maybe the bridge too, yeah, that’ll work,” you mumbled to yourself, fiddling with the strings. “Alright, guys, Last Kiss it is. I won’t bore you all with the whole thing, though. I could never do Taylor justice.”

“And I’ll go sit on the floor, wearing your clothes”

Getting involved with him was singlehandedly the most stupid decision you’ve ever made, you thought. Late nights in his flat after long nights on set, ordering in and just talking, you two would talk as if you’d known each other your whole lives. It was something about the way he’d let you wear his clothes, or the way he’d tuck your hair behind your ear while you told him about whatever insignificant thing that had happened that day.

“All that I know,

I don’t know how to be something you miss”

The car ride to the airport was the worst, it was grey and cold outside. There was makeup running down your face, mascara covering your eyes generously. You’d wrapped filming a week earlier, unable to bring yourself to walk away from him.

You couldn’t tell the driver to turn you around, or could you? Tom had already made it clear that you were both in different places in your career. This wasn’t what he wanted. You weren’t what he wanted.

“I never thought we’d have our last kiss”

He had held you just a little tighter, you ran your fingers through his hair for just a second longer. The taste of each other lingering on the both of your lips. Like you knew it would be the last time he’d hold you without knowing.

His stupid smiled, the way he pulled away and ran his thumb over your swollen bottom lip. You were almost wrapped around his finger, absolutely sickened with desire and infatuation for him.

“I never imagined we’d end like this,

Your name, forever the name on my lips”

The day you’d left to come home to New York started with a huge argument between the two of you. He’d basically just told you that you’d both known from the beginning you wouldn’t last together. It wasn’t a matter of how much you cared for one another, but that it was impossible, as he put it.

His eyes glossed over and bloodshot, you a complete and utter mess. Slamming the door behind you as you left was one of the most painful things you’d ever endured. Even more painful, the fact that he never came after you.

“So I’ll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep”

“I can feel you staring at me, love,” he murmured against the pillow.

Your face heated, eyes averting to the stream of light through the sheerness of the curtains. He leaned into you a moment later, his lips soft on your own. He was warm, he was always so warm. You cupped the side of his face gently, pulling him in a bit harder.

“And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe”

You dropped your bags, stepping into your apartment after months of being away. It felt quieter than usual, desolate and empty from your being away. It was dark out, the illumination of the bright city lights from your windows.

You glanced down at your phone for a moment, not a missed call, not a text, not even a fucking notification. He’d simply told you to go home, nothing more nothing less.

“I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are,

Hope it’s nice where you are”

You’d texted Harrison a few times, regretting it almost immediately after. He was sweet, telling you that Tom would come around eventually and to just be patient. You’d relied on those kind words for some time, eventually deleting them all together.

After Tom’s first text, you’d realized he wasn’t coming around or regretting what he’d said to you. He was lonely, maybe even a bit desperate. For months you had been there to listen to him and hold him, and now you were gone.

You’d fed into it the first few times, sitting on the phone with him for hours at a time. Then you started to feel worse hearing his voice, silent sobs escaping as you’d listen to him ramble. Then your finger would linger over the decline button a little longer than usual when he’d call, until eventually you started to use it.

“And I hope the sun shines and it’s a beautiful day,

And something reminds you,

You wish you had stayed”

Once you started to go out with other guys, Tom’s ‘I miss you’ texts became more infrequent. Paparazzi would snap pictures, and the next morning they’d be plastered all over the internet.

There was no doubt he was seeing you going out with other people, watching article after article about who you were dating surface. Would he be jealous? No, you thought. Tom was probably doing the same thing as you. Hopeless hookups, meaningless blind dates.

“You can plan for a change in the weather and time”

One early morning, you found yourself in a sweatshirt you’d stolen from one of his drawers and forgotten to return. Listening to the morning rush of traffic and hugging yourself, noticing the lingering smell of his cologne.

You wondered if he knew you’d taken it, if he would think you were pathetic wearing it months after you two had broken things off. This only made you clutch yourself a little tighter, closing your eyes and trying to remember.

“But I never planned on you changing your mind”

[eremiie]

Hello there I really like your writing and I was maybe wondering I can get some angst of a cheating eren who break his s/o heart

yes you can!! i shed a few tears writing this bc i was listening to sad music & thinking, but i hope you enjoy, i am not the best at writing angst😪!

cheers to you - eren x reader

in which eren breaks your heart and you have no choice but to move on.

tw; crying, heartbreak ig idk

2.5k words | angst | modern au

"okay."

you pushed at sasha's phone, you didn't want to see anymore. you were trying to suppress your tears, refusing to cry in front of your two friends.

sasha took one more look at the photos before swiping out of her camera roll, looking back up at you with a frown, hitch likewise. "_____, are you okay?"

and you hated when people asked you that. you thought you were doing fine, you thought you could keep everything down but you simply thought wrong. you croaked out the smallest sound, but before you could even get a word out the tears began to spill, your eyes becoming bleary with the suffocating liquid and the suffocating feeling surrounding your heart. you felt so dumb.

hitch rushed to your side pulling you into a hug until your head fell against her shoulder, body going limp besides the soft heaves that would leave your shuddering body. the pictures of eren were embedded in your head, replaying in your mind, constantly on repeat and you wished to think of anything else that wasn't clawing at your heart like the photos lingering in your subconscious. it was all you could see, almost like a photo album; eren's hands sat on some random girls waist while she straddled him, his jaw slacked open as she ground against him, whoever taking the photo catching her mid grind. his eyes were half lidded if you remembered correctly, reddening, he must've been high.

you couldn't tell if that fact alone hurt you less or more.

your mind swiped, another photo with the same blond haired girl, this time her hands cupping his face and his hands gripping her ass while they engaged in a kiss that you wished was chaste. you were repulsed that your lips had met his in almost the same manner before he left for that party the same night. more sobs left your poor quivering lips, hitch's grip around you tightening as she tried to shush your sobs and cries.

sasha's hands ran over her face as she shook her head clear disappointment evident as she watched you and hitch.

"what did i do wrong?" you gasped for air finally pulling away from hitch, the only body part connecting with hers be your hands that she clasped so delicately as if, if she squeezed too tight you would break. "my heart hurts, it hurts, it hurts," you babbled as tears fell from the bottom of your chin and the bridge of your nose, your eyes were puffy and swollen. "this hurts so bad," you conveyed your emotions through words another gasp leaving your lips.

"you did nothing wrong," hitch reassured rubbing her thumbs against the surface of your hands. "he's just an idiot."

"it's gonna hurt, and that's okay," sasha scooted forward from her position on the floor laying her head in your lap and you knew she was right but god, you didn't want it to hurt. you wanted the pounding in your head to stop, the recurring thoughts to stop, the salty tears streaming down your cheeks to stop, i mean you wanted someone to tell you exactly where you messed up so you could go back and try again.

"do you want us to stay with you tonight?"

you looked down at the side of sasha's face, one of your hands letting go of hitch to comb through brunette hair, and the lazy bun in the back of her head seemed all too familiar already, the way a couple of flyaways framed the front of her face had you covering your mouth, repressing a gag with your palm, sasha whipping her head around to confront the source of the sound, worry on her face, but you squeezed your eyes shut, even the furrow in her brow reminding you all too much of the boy.

"______?" hitch's arms were back around you but you quickly pushed them off feeling the rising feeling of your breakfast you had not too long ago, rushing to the trash can in the corner of your dorm letting your remnants spill from your stomach. the feeling of throwing up felt so foreign to you, you couldn't even remember the last time you did it, and to some degree you wished your heart came up with it.

hitch's mouth parted in the slightest not even sure what to say but the anger behind her eyes was apparent. "baby, i'm so sorry." was all she could say in response while your body crouched beside the trash can, your hands slipping from the rim until they were palm first on the floor, slowing turning into fists.

"i wanna be alone for a couple hours." you managed to utter with a sniff.

"you sure?" sasha asked, standing up awkwardly with hitch reciprocating. you nodded your head and it felt like everything was going in snapshots, them walking to the door, the door opening and their bodies disappearing, your figure laying back in your bed and then the next snapshot didn't come, sleep had came so quick you didn't even have time to process it.

❈ ❈ ❈

your eyes fluttered slightly and you relished in the heat over you for a minute. your mind felt like a clean slate for the time being, as your eyes opened to the bed next to you, sasha's figure vacant from her bed. you remembered asking for some space before you left but you thought she'd had return by now. it was dark, but it couldn't have been too late as orange rays from the sun were attempting to shine through your curtains, making you assume that it was just around seven, the sun setting soon. but you craved the warmness that was around you a little more, pulling down to reach for your blanket, until your body froze.

the hand wrapped around your waist, much like in the photographs engraved in your brain twitched and that same sickness felt like it was resurfacing yet you dared to move, tears brimming again subconsciously.

"eren," you mumbled under your breath.

"hm?" oh, so he was awake.

your face scrunched up in agony at the sound of his voice, your eyebrows coming together, your eyes shutting and you biting your lip so hard the taste of blood collected on your tongue. "please," your breathing began to thicken again, you wanted to move his arm but your body was almost stuck in place. "move."

eren groaned against your back, nose nuzzling into the back of your neck and you mentally cringed. "get out," you said abruptly, body jolting at the sudden movement and you felt him still behind you. how did he even get in? and then you immediately regretted making an spare dorm key and giving it to him only a couple months into your relationship. "get out, get out." you finally regained some self control, your body slithering from under his until your arm touched the floor and you crawled away from your own bed. "go, what are you doing?" you lashed, his gingerly stare making you aware of the tears cascading down your face again.

eren stared back at you finally lifting his head up from the spare pillow that he always slept with when he spent nights with you, the pillow that stayed tucked away on your bed and the same pillow that you'd have to wash and get rid of that stupid recognizable cologne he wore, the same cologne that would linger on most of his clothing that you owned. "_____,"

"no, leave, please leave, i can't do this."

eren seemed genuinely confused, sitting up completely now and scooting forward until his legs dangled off the bed. "baby, what's-"

you winced at the nickname and clutched at your stomach, feeling the emptiness inside from the lack of food, yet you still felt the urge to dispel anything inside of it still. "please leave." you almost felt lightheaded, you felt as if you weren't being heard and you were sick.

the significant sound of the dorm keycard slot beeping until sasha's figure came back in, "_____, i left the key hear but luckily i had a keyca-" her voice slowly died down as she studied the scene of the dorm, your body on the floor away from your bed and eren's figure sat on the same bed, both pair of eyes now looking up at her."

"what the hell?" sasha stormed over to eren grabbing his arm in a feeble attempt to pull him off of your bed. although she wasn't strong enough eren did stand up, mainly because of your pleas for him to get out just earlier. "get out! she doesn't want you here, weirdo!" sasha exclaimed pointing towards the door clear anger flashing in her eyes. "and don't just come in here uninvited again!"

those green eyes that would unknowingly keep you up for nights after today kept that confused gaze on you as he walked around you and made you feel stupid and small. we're you overreacting? were those pictures just your imagination?

"_____..." eren mumbled before looking at your frame on the floor once more.

“get out!” sasha exclaimed.

you weren't sure if he was just that dense or he was hiding the fact that he knew exactly what he did. the door shut and you immediately began crying again, this time harder. wails of pain escaping your throat. your cries were loud and full of pain. you clutched at your shirt as if to grasp at your broken heart.

"oh my gosh." sasha dropped her keycard and bag onto your bed where she still stood and got on the floor with you pulling you as much into her lap as possible. you felt fragile in your hands, her gripping at the sweatshirt around your body. she listened to your cries, responding with "i knows," and "mhm," as if they were telling her a story, simply listening to the aching noises that were leaving you.

"sasha," you finally mustered the courage to speak a few words again, although they resembled your words from yesterday. "i'm hurting."

"i know, i know."

"i loved him." you blinked so you could see a little clearer, lifting your head to look at sasha, bringing your hands to either side of her head, your thumbs stroking her jaw. "i thought he loved me? why? why?"

sasha couldn't bare to look at your sad, damaged eyes and instead pulled you back against her chest. although your sobs died down she could feel the convulsing of your body and opted to hold you for as long as you needed.

“does he even know what he did? does he even know how much pain i’m in right now?”

sasha couldn’t even answer that question. by the looks of it he didn’t, maybe he was high? under the influence? but either way you didn’t have the courage to confront him about it.

instead you spent the next couple of weeks sulking, mending to your broken heart and staying out of eren’s way, no matter how many times he tried to communicate with you. it seemed as if word got to him on what he did, sasha getting connie to talk to him, and as angry as eren got there was no denying what he did, especially with photo evidence.

your phone blew up with his own pleas begging for forgiveness, begging for you to talk to him, to come back, to do something.

but you were fragile, and you knew that even being in his vicinity would tear you apart bit by bit. you didn’t want to weep in front of him, you didn’t want to be in front of him in the first place, nor did you want his pity.

did you want to get back with him? the question still pondered on your mind constantly but both sasha and hitch refused to let you, and they were perfectly fine with the situation going unresolved if it meant better for you.

"so?" hitch pointed the straw of her frappucino at you. "i really think you just need to try exploring your options, just living a little. you can go to the next party with sasha and i, i promise we won't mind."

“hitch i want her to go to a party too but i don’t know about her getting with anyone.” sasha swirled the stick inside her latte to mix it up before sucking the liquid off the end.

now it had been a few months since you had seen eren, a few months since you began to heal yourself slowly compared to those first couple weeks. you had to really thank hitch and sasha for being there most of the way for you, and you had to especially thank netflix and sleep for being two of your greatest distractions.

you never officially broke up with eren, sure you saw him in the hallways (and you were certain he saw you as well) you had a couple lectures with him where the two of you would sneak glances at each other; which kind of reminded you of when the two of you first began liking the other. he never made an effort to speak to you after the first couple weeks when he would text your phone constantly, as much as it seemed like he wanted to still.

"i don't know hitch. i haven't even got rid of his stuff yet. they're still sitting in that stupid box in the corner of me and sasha's dorm." sasha nodded in confirmation taking a bite of her biscuit.

"but i don't think that box should stop you from getting out the house again. you haven't really been anywhere besides maybe target with sasha. plus i miss seeing you!"

you rolled your eyes with a slight chuckle. "you see me at least three times, especially when... you know, you came like everyday at first."

hitch shrugged her shoulders and then took another sip of her drink. "but do you think i can start seeing you more is the question? c'mon this is the first step towards a new life without that bastard."

you pondered on the thought before a small sigh escaped your lips, and you slowly nodded your head.

"really?" hitch exclaimed, her hands reaching across the table to grab yours. "you mean you won't mind coming to the party this saturday?"

you narrowed your eyes at hitch. "this was your plan wasn't it?"

"yes, yes it was. but there's no backing out now."

"yes, hitch, i'll come to the party this saturday." you decided that maybe this would help your healing heart in the least and you would try to push aside the boy that broke it for the couple hours just to spend time with your friends. but you couldn't help and wonder, "what if i bump into him at the party? or he tries to talk to me?"

sasha looked at hitch and hitch looked back before both turning their eyes to you. "we can be with you the whole time if that's the case."

"i wouldn't want to ruin your fun."

"babe, hanging out with you is one of the points of bringing you, ____." sasha smiled.

you internally twitched at the mention of the nickname ‘babe’ but neither one of your friends seemed to tell. you were getting better with reacting to things that reminded you of him, and you didn’t hysterically start crying at the slightest mention or object that related to him.

"we got you, okay?"

you frowned slightly but gave sasha a smile back and squeezed hitch's hand in the slightest. "yeah, okay."

this was the beginning of a new life for you, you wouldn’t spend your days sulking after him anymore. cheers to you and your first big step forward.

[marvels-writings]

Used To

Natasha Romanoff Masterlist

Sequel: World Turned Upside Down

Requested by @trikruismybitch​ : NatxReader, 12,18,19,22,29 <-said by R, angst questions. Nat cheats on R with R’s Bestfriend (Steve or Bucky) Nat saying 44, 23<- angst questions, 26, 49 angst dialogue. Just really angsty maybe include a little confrontation with Nat, R, Steve/Bucky with the avengers witnessing it? I’m in the mood for heartbreak (:</p>

12: “Can’t you see how fucked up this is?”

18: “When did you stop loving me?”

19: “Don’t you think you’ve done enough?”

22: “Which part of me wasn’t enough?”

23: “How do I make you love me again?”

44: “How do we fix this?”

26: “Will you ever forgive me?”

49: “Will I ever see you again?”

Word Count: 6.2k (heartbreakingly good)

A/N: I loved writing this, as tiring and angsty as it was. I think this is one of the drabbles i’ve cried while apologizing and writing it. It’s really good in my opinion, please do me the honor of reading it.

Moonlight blurred with string lights, bringing you into a gradient of golden and white colors. The balcony was set up, the fairy lights adorning the open-air gazebo above you. The light shone through the glass of red wine you held, the blood-like light splattering on your hands as you played with your food.

Natasha’s voice flowed around the small balcony, bringing to light her most recent mission. Her voice the only sound throughout the entire date. It wasn’t like her to ignore your silence, yet here you were. She had spent hours decorating the roof for your date night, even longer learning to make your favorite food and serving it to you, you were almost guilty for not trying to enjoy it.

How could you when your emotions cloud your judgment? The emotions brought from weeks of observing your girlfriend and your best friend. You thought you knew Natasha would never hurt you, you almost wished she wouldn’t.

But everything seemed to be changing around you. Bucky was spending more time with Natasha than before. You could’ve sworn you saw him leave her room just before you came back from a mission. You could’ve sworn you saw the same lovesick smile she wore around you, around him.

You were just being paranoid, you almost hoped you were being paranoid, to the point where you were ignoring the signs she didn’t cover. Today, you couldn’t ignore it anymore.

Your girlfriend was wearing an off-shoulder sweatshirt, revealing a hickey on the skin there. You had been on a mission for almost a week, today was the first day you came back. The dark mark was covered heavily in foundation, it showed through the heavy attempt to cover it up.

You couldn’t take your eyes off of it for almost half an hour. Every time you tried to look away or even distract yourself for it, for a few seconds. Your eyes always came back to it.

“What’s wrong?” Natasha asked, a coy smile playing on her lips. “You’ve been quiet lately.”

You tilted your head to the side, considering lying to her, even though it might not work. Taking your eyes off her shoulder to look at her eyes, you set down your fork. The green orbs shone in the soft candlelight, almost distracting you from your turmoil. Almost.

“What?” Nat chuckled, leaning back in her seat, squirming slightly. “I know my cooking isn’t the best, but-”

“When did you stop loving me?” You cut her off, licking your lips nervously.

Your heart hammered against your chest, terrified of her response. What if you were wrong? What if nothing was going on?

Some part of you hoped you were wrong and this would just be another fight. A small voice told you that you were right, you tried desperately to ignore it. You couldn’t, especially when you saw Natasha try to cover up the hickey on her shoulder. It only resulted in smudging the makeup, revealing it more as the cloth slid back.

“I didn’t,” Natasha stated, her brows furrowing in confusion as she leaned forwards into her chair. Her eyes bored into yours, almost asking you why you were upset.

“Then what is this?” You asked, leaning forwards, fingers reaching towards the mark on her shoulder.

 Your hand had barely moved forwards when your girlfriend pulled away. Natasha glanced to the mark before turning towards you. Her face wove itself into a mask, hiding anything she was feeling.

“I, this isn’t.” Natasha stuttered, falling silent when she saw the expression on your face. 

It wasn’t an expression she had seen before. Your lips were pursed tightly, the bags under your eyes seeming more prominent than ever. But your eyes, she wasn’t sure she had ever seen then so despondent.

“How long?” You asked quietly, clearing your throat as your voice trembled. You didn’t want to show how upset you were, not yet. She was barely showing any emotion, you wanted to try to do the same.

“What?” Natasha asked, unsure if she heard you correctly. Her hand inched towards yours on the table, almost flinching when you drew away suddenly.

“How long have you and Bucky been…” You trailed off, you couldn’t say it.

Maybe if you said it, it would become more clear than it is now. Even now, Natasha could deny everything, keeping reality away from you. You weren’t sure if you could handle this reality, starting to prefer if you hadn’t noticed anything.

“Not that long.”

Her mouth opened to speak again, maybe try to make excuses or try to get you to forgive her. You didn’t care, cutting off her lies before she could speak again.

“Don’t lie to me.” You hissed, face morphing into anger as you stared her down. The redhead flinched at your harsh tone, unfamiliar to having it used on her.

Natasha licked her lips, her fingers inching towards the mark to try to cover it up again. It would still be too late, she couldn’t hide the signs once they had been noticed, she couldn’t fix what she broke.

You waited for her to say anything, to tell the truth, to explain why she did this. Nothing, she didn’t speak at all. Her eyes bored into yours as if she was trying to beg you to forgive her with her eyes. You barely noticed when her hand inched towards yours again, her fingers touching yours.

You almost let yourself back into her again.

“I’m sorry, y/n,” Natasha whispered, her thumb drawing patterns on the back of your hand before you quickly drew away. Your thumb rubbed the back of your hand, trying to wipe away the feeling of her touch.

“Sorry?” You scoffed, gesturing vaguely around you. “You think you can just say you’re sorry and that would fix this?”

Natasha hesitated, emotions beginning to leak through her meticulously kept mask. The regret flooding off of her in waves. But underneath it all, you thought you could see a thread of fear. Fear of losing you.

“How do we fix this?” The redhead asked, leaning forwards in her seat. Wincing when she spoke the wrong word. Your eyebrow raised in anger.

“We?” You asked, eyebrow still raised as your arms crossed above your chest. 

Your jaw clenched tightly, muscles tensing as you tried desperately to form some sort of mask. It got harder as you spoke, your voice trembling as tears began to gather in your eyes.

“Natasha, I don’t think you can fix this.” You muttered, hoping you were wrong. 

But there was nothing she could do. The mistake had been made. You had to live with it, even though you wanted to leave it behind.

“You broke everything we had.” You muttered, a tear slipping down your cheek. It looked like liquid gold because of the lighting.

You inhaled sharply when you saw the redhead reach forwards to wipe away your tear. Leaning backward, you almost fell out of your chair when you stood up abruptly. Footsteps neared the door as you tried to leave this mess.

You heard Natasha’s chair clatter to the floor when she stood up to chase after you. Her footsteps barely behind you as she followed you out. More tears began to stream down your face, dropping on the ground below you.

The door slammed shut behind you, leaving Natasha outside. It wasn’t locked, she could follow you if you wanted to. Though, you doubted she would.

You leaned your back against the door, breathing heavily as tears soaked your cheeks. You didn’t know what you were supposed to do. Should you leave? Wait for her in your room? But you couldn’t go back to the same bed where she had forgotten you.

A heavy sigh left your lips as you went in search of someone you could trust.

————

The loud bang of the balcony door was accompanied by rapid footsteps nearing your door. Wanda looked up from her bed, frowning in concern. Pictures were spread out on her bed as she tried to sort through them, wanting to make a photo album.

She expected to hear the sound of your bedroom door slamming shut. It was usually what happened after you fought with Natasha. This time, it didn’t happen.

Waves of anger and despair hit her as the footsteps neared your door. The slam still didn’t sound, she decided you might be waiting for someone. She bit her lip, nervously walking towards her closed door to open it.

The door handle twisted slowly before revealing you. 

You stood in front of her door, your hand raised as if you were just about to knock. Tears stained your face, your eyes still glistening with them. Your hair was messy as if you’d been running your hands through it. Your hand dropped as she opened the door, your fingers wringing together as you glanced down.

“Y/n, what happened?” Wanda asked, opening the door a little wider. Her brows furrowed in concern as you avoided eye contact with her. Your entire body seemed to be shivering despite the warmth inside.

“Can I, can I come in?” You stuttered, shivering a little more. The witch nodded and let go of the door. But you didn’t seem to notice the gesture, your eyes vacant as you watched her.

“Of course.” She stated, stepping back to give you room to step in. The witch glanced around outside, incase Natasha was behind you. She spotted her red hair, glancing towards your girlfriend as she began to close the door.

Green eyes stared at the witch as she closed the door. It shut with a soft click, Wanda licked her lips nervously. Guilt rolled off Natasha in waves, the witch could almost hear her thoughts through the door. 

Shutting her off, she sighed and turned towards you.

You stood near her bed uncomfortably, glancing towards the pictures. Your eyes seemed to linger on the pictures of you with Natasha, more tears beginning to form in your eyes. Your lip slid in between your teeth, watching the images before turning back around to face Wanda.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, gesturing to the bed for you to sit.

Hesitantly, you sat down, not before moving away the pictures laying there. One of the pictures were when you had celebrate your second anniversary with Natasha, Wanda was posing behind both of you as you took a picture.

 Your fingers ran over your happy smiles with an air of nostalgia.

“It’s Nat, she,” You bit your lip harder, willing the tears to stop flowing.

 They spilled forth anyway, a drop of blood staining your lip from where you were biting it so hard. Letting your lip loose, more tears spilled forth. A sob wrenched its way from your throat as you hunched over, eyes stinging.

Wanda sat down in front of you, one of her hands resting on your knee. She tried to look at you, looking up at you to see your face. Your hands covered your face in a hasty attempt to hide your mess. Your back shook sporadically as you shivered, your body wracked with sobs.

Red wisps caught your eye, you glanced towards it before turning to look up at Wanda. Her hand gestured towards your head. She looked at you innocently, hoping you would let her see what had happened.

It wasn’t the first time Wanda had asked. 

You had come to her many times with nightmares or something that left you broken. She helped you with her powers, using them to help you instead of harming others. You trusted her completely, more than Natasha.

You nodded weakly, trying to bring the argument to the front of your mind. The images began to play through, the hickey on her shoulder, Bucky leaving the room once you came back from a mission, the looks they shared. All of it came to the front of your mind.

Wanda looked slightly confused, unsure of what was happening as she probed further. You tried to conjure an image of them in the act. But you couldn’t, more tears began to fall from your eyes as you tried to clear your mind.

But one image kept showing, no matter what. The same smile Natasha always wore when she told you she loved you. Her lies kept coming back to you.

Wanda’s eyes widened as red wisps stopped flowing between her fingers. Her eyes bored into yours, emotions running through her. The main one being shock.

“She, oh my god,” Wanda stuttered, unable to believe it.

Your relationship with Natasha was the strongest she had seen. You had plans for the future, promises to get through everything together. All of it made you what you were. For Natasha to tear that all down for a few nights of sex, she couldn’t wrap her mind around it.

By the looks of it, neither could you.

“y/n, I’m so sorry.” She whispered though a part of her knew it wouldn’t help. Her hand rested on top of yours comfortingly, trying to provide whatever support she could.

You nodded staring down at her hand nervously. Tears fell from your eyes, streaming down to your shirt and soaking it. Your lips pursed together before you drew your hand away from Wanda’s.

The witch let the silence settle over you, waiting for you to speak. There was nothing she could do, nothing she could say to make this go away. She stayed silent, hoping you would speak eventually. Though, a part of her hoped you wouldn’t say anything, instead seeking comfort in the silence.

“Why?” You asked, voice cracking as you spoke. You bit your lip tightly, trying to steady yourself. Taking in a deep breath, you turned to face Wanda.

Her heart broke a little seeing you like this. Your eyes were turning red and puffy, tears still falling from them. You looked at her with so much pain in your eyes, like you’d watched something die.

In a way you had.

“Why the fuck did she do this?” You asked again, your voice steadier than last time. It still broke slightly as you leaned back against the headboard. Your jaw clenched as you waited for the witch to answer.

You didn’t know what you expected her to answer. Maybe she would tell you it was a mistake, or this was just a bad dream you needed to wake up from. 

Part of you hoped for that last reason, almost clinging onto it like a lifeline.

“I don’t know,” Wanda whispered, shattering the last of your hopes.

You licked your lips, tasting the salt from your tears, remembering how Natasha used to wipe them away. You could feel the ghost of her touch her thumbs running over your cheeks as you cried. 

Her comfort after you had a nightmare. 

Her lips on your skin as she drew you out of your mind’s hell.

You wiped your face angrily, trying to wipe away the ghost of her touch. The last thing you wanted was to be seeking comfort from the same woman who broke you. Turning to Wanda, you saw the gears turning in her head as she tried to come up with a solution.

“Maybe you can still work this out?” Wanda suggested timidly, cowering slightly.

You huffed, running one hand through your hair as you stood up. Voice caught in your throat, you coughed before speaking. The witch moved away from you, knowing she had said what you didn’t want to hear.

“Wanda, I don’t think…” You trailed off, palms digging into your eyes to stop the tears from flowing. 

A broken groan escaped you, the pain worsening. Your chest tightening as your arms fell to your sides. You gave up, a sigh leaving your lips as you stared down at her.

“Can’t you see how fucked up this is?” You asked, eyebrows furrowing. It was as if you were begging her to see your point of view. 

Wanda winced as she shook her head, waiting for you to explain. You almost didn’t want to, scared of narrating your worst nightmare.

“I wasn’t enough for the only person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.” You muttered, jaw clenching shut tightly.

Memories came back to you, memories of talking to Natasha about your dreams. Everything you wanted to do later, from the small cabin on the lakeside, to what you wanted to name your children. 

All of your plans, even to the small outdoor wedding you had planned. 

All of the things you wanted to do with her, gone.

“And Bucky, of all people,” You sighed, running one hand through your hair, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. Deflating, you sighed as your anger began to leave you. An empty feeling taking it’s place as tears continued to stream once more.

“even if it was a stranger it wouldn’t be that bad.” You said, another heavy sigh leaving your lips as you set your hands onto your lap. You leaned backward, laying down on the bed, fidgeting with your fingers as the witch watched you.

Bucky is, no, was your best friend. He had helped you through your hardest of places, you’d helped him once he came back from HYDRA. He was the person you wanted to go to after a long day to rant about, the person you trusted most.

 It was almost ironic that he did this.

“When, when you and Vision broke up, how did you cope?” You asked, turning to face Wanda. 

Her lips were pursed, she wanted to keep the answer to herself. You had been there when the breakup had happened, you had seen how miserable she was. But she pilled through it in a matter of months.

“Y/n…” Wanda trailed off, not wanting to answer. She wasn’t sure if you were going to break up with Natasha, she almost hoped you wouldn’t.

“Please?” You asked again, watching her carefully. Wanda caved with a heavy sigh, avoiding eye contact with you as she spoke.

“I had a few one night stands.” She confessed, glancing up at your. “Then I left for a month, to take a break from everything.”

You huffed in frustration, her answer wasn’t something you had hoped for. If it was something you wanted to do, you would’ve gone for it. But one night stands, it didn’t make sense. 

Leaving everything, that seemed a better option, even though it shouldn’t.

Wanda watched you carefully, seeing what you were going to do. She could see you weren’t going to do what she did. But you might leave, she couldn’t blame you if you did.

“You’re not the kind of person for one night stands,” Wanda stated, her jaw clenching as she noticed your posture stiffen. You relaxed slightly as you spoke, your words more of a quiet confession than an answer.

“No,”

“But you want to hurt her the same way she hurt you.” She continued, hoping she was wrong. 

The look you gave her confirmed she was right.

Your pain was morphing into anger, wanting Natasha to feel some of the pain she was causing you. The last thing you had wanted to cause her was pain, after this, you weren’t sure what you wanted anymore.

“You didn’t need to read my mind to figure that out.” You scoffed, turning away from her towards the window. The stars shone in the sky, the clouds nearing the slowly to cover the light that remained.

“I didn’t,” Wanda whispered, almost too quietly for you to hear.

Silence filled the room again as you considered what to do next. What options were there, you could stay and try to work things out or break up with Natasha. Or you could leave, away from this giant mess she had created. You had the right to.

“Do you think I should leave? Take a break?” You asked, turning towards the witch. She shrugged, not knowing what to answer. Her knees were curled up to her chest, her chin resting comfortably on top as she watched you.

“I think you should do what’s best for yourself,” Wanda answered, truly thinking so for the first time. 

She didn’t want you to leave, but it was probably what was best for you.

You chuckled sadly, wiping away the tear stains on your face. A hand-wound itself in your hair as you smiled again. Your eyes glazed over as memories continued to filter through your head.

“You know, I used to think that Natasha was the best thing that happened to me, the best thing for me.” You turned to face Wadna, silent tears streaming down your face. 

They rolled off your cheek and into the blanket below you, creating small stains. Your words stung you, a crushing feeling in your chest as you continued speaking.

“That being with her was all I would ever need.” You continued, feeling the air leave your lungs as you remembered the feeling. The feeling of looking at her and thinking, almost knowing that this was all you needed for the rest of your life.

Natasha was all you had needed.

“I used to think she felt the same.” You muttered, turning to face the ceiling. Your arms felt heavier than they should be, too heavy to wipe your face. You let them remain there, licking your lips again. Aware of the pitiful green eyes watching you.

Wanda stayed silent, unsure if you were finished. Even if you were, there wasn’t much she could say. 

You opened your mouth again, closing it as you chose your words carefully. A broken chuckle left your lips as you turned on your side, propping your head on your arm.

“How foolish, I used to think she loved me.”

Your words resounded in the room, circling back to you as you spoke them. They were so tired like you’d already given up on Natasha. You’d given up on everything you had, even your plans.

Wanda watched you turn away from her to sleep. The crying had worn you out, you found some comfort in thinking your mind couldn’t come up with a nightmare worse than your reality.

There wasn’t anything she could do to comfort you. If she tried to reassure you, maybe tell you that Natasha loved you, she would be lying. 

You had already been through enough lies.

She sighed, pulling up her knees and taking a book from the nightstand. Sleep wasn’t something that would come easily to her. Your thoughts were still too loud, she did her best to try to comfort you using her powers.

Eventually, you fell into a dreamless sleep. 

One devoid of lies and Natasha, one almost better than the reality you were in.

————

Noise from the bathroom filled the room as you lay on the bed. Sunlight streamed through the open blinds into your eyes. Wanda was in the bathroom, you were alone in the small bedroom. The pictures which were there last night had been moved.

Treasuring the small moments of the morning, you avoided the events of yesterday as you hoisted yourself of the bed. 

Honestly, you weren’t sure what you were going to do. Natasha was still in the compound, waiting to talk to you. She wasn’t one to run away after fights, you were.

Rapid knocking sounded on the door. Your head snapped to the doorway, waiting for a voice to sound.

“Y/n?” Natasha called, the door muffling her concerned voice. “Please, I know you’re in there.”

You froze at hearing her voice, convincing yourself she would go away if you didn’t do anything. Soft footsteps sounded near the bathroom. Wanda stood in the doorway, hair wet from her shower as she watched you.

It was up to you to let her in. If you talked to her, what good could come out of it? Maybe the apology, maybe a plea, but nothing enough to make you stay. If you didn’t want to talk to her, you knew you could ask Wanda.

 But it wouldn’t make this go away. It would only delay the inevitable.

Licking your lips dryly, you shook your head, deciding not to talk to her. Wanda nodded to you, heading towards the door to tell her off. The lock sounded as the doorknob rattled, along with the sound of a lock being picked.

Your eyes widened slightly as the door opened. Natasha stood behind the half-open doorway. You looked away from her as she came in, jumping to your feet.

“Y/n-” Natasha began, not getting in another word as you whirled to face her.

“NO!” You shouted, finally looking at her. Her eyes were red and swollen, hair messy but she still looked like the same woman who had lied to you. You couldn’t do this, not now.

“Natasha, I don’t want to talk to you.” You stated, keeping your voice level to not scream at her. Wanda glanced at both of you, unsure what to do. You stared her down, waiting for her response.

“Please? Just let me apologize.” Natasha pleaded, wincing under your gaze. Her eyes bore into yours, looking for any sort of response. But you’d shut yourself down, adamant to not give her any reaction. though, you doubted that would last.

“Let me try to fix this.” She asked, hoping to get a response from you, hoping you would let her explain.

But you didn’t, you scoffed and raised an eyebrow. Your arms crossed over your chest confrontationally as you looked at her. Heart hammering in your chest, you tried to stop feeling. Stop feeling everything, the nostalgia of what you were, the pain of this, everything.

“Don’t you think you’ve done enough?” You asked, voice cracking as you spoke.

Natasha paused, the answer clear in itself. She had done enough, there was nothing she could do to fix this. Explaining it could only make it worse. What could she explain anyway? 

Explain why you weren’t enough for her?

You didn’t want to stay near her. It was strange, how her mistake managed to turn everything upside down. You used to think of her as your home, the only place you felt safe and protected. Now, you’d give anything to be away from her.

Shoving past her, you headed out the door. Natasha didn’t hesitate to follow you, arm reaching out when she stopped herself.

You didn’t know where you were going, storming into the common room where the rest of the team was. They glanced up at you coming in, Natasha and Wanda at your heels.

“Y/n, please stay, just-” Natasha began, reaching out for you again. You turned around at her words, close to shoving her away from you before she stepped away.

Bucky looked up at both of you guiltily while the rest of the Avengers observed. None of them knew about your fight yesterday. Natasha had kept it under wraps, hoping she could fix this before they found out.

“Why the fuck should I stay, Natasha?” You asked, voice cracking as tears began to form in your eyes.

 The whirlwind of emotions you were avoiding caught up with you. A sob choked in your throat as you glanced away from her.

“Why should I stay when everything I gave you still wasn’t enough for you?” You demanded, stepping closer to her to look her in the eye.

Natasha avoided looking at you, trying her hardest to mask her emotions. Every question you asked cracked her mask more until it began to break. The weight of her mistake was bearing down on her, nearing like a wrecking ball. She was scared it was too late to fix the wreckage.

“Why should I stay when everything we were,” You said, wiping your face hastily to clear the tears. “everything we could have been didn’t matter to you?”

You clenched your jaw tightly, unexpectant towards answers to your questions. You watched her, thinking she would lie to you again. But she didn’t, she stared down at the ground as her eyes grew watery.

Her mask finally broke.

Tears slipped down her face, dripping onto the floor, landing with the soft patter of raindrops. Showing emotion wasn’t common to her, crying was out of the question. She had rarely let you see her breakdown, let alone the rest of the team.

Silence shrouded the room in an ugly cloud. Natasha’s sobs the only sound in the room. No one dared to move, watching both of you intently. The redhead opened her mouth, closing it after as she weighed her words.

“You should stay because I love you,” Natasha whispered, her voice barely loud enough for you to hear.

You licked your lips slowly, eyes tracing the tears falling down her cheeks. A small part of you wanted to wipe them away, to never hurt her again. It was what you’d promised her after all, to never hurt her or lie to her.

It never occurred to you that she would be the one hurting you. That she would be the one who should have made that promise.

“I don’t love you anymore.” You stated, keeping your voice as flat as you could.

Natasha looked up to you, searching your face for your tell. She couldn’t see it, staring at you, desperately hoping you were lying. It was like she was searching for you, but instead of looking for the truth, she was looking for the lie.

There wasn’t one. 

You were telling her the truth.

“Not after this,” You muttered, facade breaking as you let out a sigh. Your eyes slipped to Bucky, who looked up at you. Shutting your eyes tightly, you looked away from him, unable to look him in the eye.

There wasn’t anything you could say. Your heart thudded dully in your chest, the nervousness of seeing Natasha wearing down. Now, you were just upset and angry. All you wanted was to leave.

But there was a question you needed to ask her.

“How do I make you love me again?” Natasha asked, speaking before you could. 

You sighed again, a despondent sound as you looked back up at her. Your eyes were vacant, sad like you’d given up on her.

“I don’t think you can Nat.” You whispered. A sad smile graced your lips, twisting the corners of your mouth into a broken look.

You turned around, about to leave when you remembered the question you’d been asking yourself the moment all of this began. You didn’t want to ask her, scared of the answer. But you wanted to know.

“Just tell me one thing.” You began, turning back around to face her. Natasha looked up at you hopefully, but your expression was serious, crushing her hopes easily.

“Which part of me wasn’t enough for you?”

Natasha opened her mouth but closed it after. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She should have answered something. Maybe lie to you, tell you that nothing was wrong with you. But she didn’t admit it, staying silent.

“No, I genuinely don’t understand.” You ran one hand through your hair, stepping backward. Your eyes glanced around the room.

Wanda was watching the interaction, looking at you worriedly. Steve’s face showed nothing, but his eyebrows were furrowed in anger as he looked at Natasha. You didn’t look at Bucky, you still couldn’t. He sat in your peripheral, looking from you to Natasha guiltily.

“I don’t understand how I wasn’t enough for you.” You spoke, voice wavering as tears began to form in your eyes. “I don’t understand how you slept in the same bed as me, knowing you had broken us.”

Natasha didn’t say anything.

She slept in the same bed as you, made plans with you about your future, told you she loved you. All in the same day she had cheated on you. All in the same day she decided you weren’t enough for her.

“How, how did you even sleep at night?.” You spoke, stepping forward to look into her eyes.

“In the same bed, we talked about spending the rest of our lives together, you broke us.” 

Natasha opened her mouth to speak, a strangled sound coming out. Her eyes glanced down, staring at the floor instead of you. She had never seen you this hurt. Even after missions, when you were scared and crying after a nightmare.

She hurt you more than anyone before, even though you had given her what no one had.

“Y/n, please, it was a mistake,” Natasha begged you, pleading you with her eyes. You stepped away, betrayal shining in your face as you did so. Her eyes slipped to Bucky who looked almost as guilty as she did.

“Please just,” She reached forwards to take your hand, watching you pull away quickly. 

Her eyes shut tightly in a desperate effort to stop crying. It only irritated her eyes as more tears slipped away. She looked up at you again, staring at your blank face.

“Will, you ever forgive me?” She asked, watching your facade crash into anger.

Forgiveness. After everything, after throwing away everything, she dared to ask for your forgiveness. It was almost funny how naive this situation had made her. Anger shrouded you as you looked at her.

“You don’t deserve to be forgiven.” You stated harshly, clenching your jaw tightly.

The redhead winced at your word, a broken chuckle leaving her lips as she looked up at you. She remembered when you had told her otherwise. When you had told her she deserved to be forgiven for her mistakes. 

What she had ruined would come to haunt her.

“You convinced me I deserved to be forgiven, that I deserved love,” Natasha whispered, fondly remembering your promises to her.

You remembered your reassurances as clearly as she did, maybe even clearer. Her nightmares were always more shattering than the reality. But you were always there for her, convincing her that she deserved your love.

“And you had me convinced that you loved me.” You breathed, watching the fondness fade from her face into heartbreak.

You knew she still loved you. She had told you too many times, making it a tradition more than important words. The first time she said them, it was more difficult than you had thought. After, it was almost like the words were meaningless to her.

“I believed you, I used to think you loved me.” You spoke, heartbreak resonating in your tone as you turned away.

Everyone was still watching you intently. Your entire family was watching you, the rest of the team was in the living room now. Funny, the only time you thought they would be watching you and Natasha talk like this would be at your wedding, the day you promised each other your lives. 

Now, they were watching as you broke apart.

She opened her mouth to speak. You winced, waving her off.

“Don’t, don’t say anything.” You stuttered, stepping back slightly. You didn’t want to hear her speak, her lies, or her truth. Not that you could tell the difference anymore. She closed her mouth in surprise.

“I can’t tell the difference between your lies and your truth.” You said, licking your lips nervously.

To your surprise, she didn’t say anything. Maybe she had given up on trying to fix this. You had already given up.

Looking down, you decided to leave. If you stayed, all you would get was apologies from your family and Natasha. If you stayed, nothing could come out of it. Wanda was right to take a break after her breakup. She came back stronger after it.

Maybe you would come back stronger after. You didn’t know if you ever planned to come back.

“I’m leaving, away from this mess.” You told her, looking around the rest of the room.

They were shocked, but Wanda looked like she expected it. She gave you a small nod, leaving the room quickly. The rest of them looked up at you in shock, almost stepping up to argue with you when they caught sight of a tear making its way down your cheek.

They couldn’t stop you from leaving. Not even if they wanted to.

Your eyes fell to Bucky. He looked up at you apologetically as you finally looked him in the eye. Everything was gone from your eyes, the affection you used to greet him with. He was sure his mistake would haunt him for the rest of his life. 

This was one of his biggest regrets.

“Will I, will I ever see you again?” Natasha asked timidly, hope underlining her tone. She couldn’t stop you from leaving her with her mistakes. All she could do was hope for your return. Upon seeing your expression, that seemed unlikely.

“If the entire world turns upside down, you might.” You said a halfhearted joke as you turned towards the door.

Leaving your things behind, leaving your entire family behind. There wasn’t anything here for you anymore. Her mistake had taken that away too.

Maybe in a few years, you would come back, turn this into a story to tell your friends. Tell them the story about how Natasha Romanoff loved you. The story about how you used to love her.

World Turned Upside Down

A/N: I actually wove all of them together. And everyone who made it down to here, please tell me how it is, I put a lot of time and effort into it. Comment and reblog!!!

Tag List: @capcarolsdanver​​, @versdan​, @lesbian-girls-wayhaught​, @lovebotlarson​, @dhengkt​, @hstoria​, @natasha-danvers​, @veryfunnyal​, @xxxtwilightaxelxxx​ , @ophelias-heart​  , @never-didbefore​ , @justarandomhumanhere​, @the-most-unicorn-of-them-all , @thatssocamryn​ , @lesbian-x-blackwidow​ , @marvelbbyx​ , @wlw-imaginesss​ , @hcartbyheart​​ , @summergeezburr​​ , @imnotasuperhero​  , @a-stressedstudent​ , @aaron-despair​ , @rooskaya-yelena​ , @dynnealberto , @thewitchandtheassassin​ , @wannabe-fic-reader​ , @izalesbean​, @higherfurther-romanova​  , @natalia-quinzel​    let me know if you’d like to be in any of my tag lists!

[antebunny]

Parent Trap AU 5

It’s a Parent Trap AU, plus on-the-run hacker!wwx and celebrity!lwj. Full series here.

-

At first, Lan Wangji finds writing songs to be extremely challenging.

He’s all but quit his job, and his son is gone. He’s alone in the house he once shared with his family, while his brother tries to keep quiet about pitying him and supporting him, and his uncle demands to know why he has no interest in searching for his son. He’s the one that files the kidnapping report, in the end. Not that it does much; they’re already searching for Wei Ying, since he escaped from prison.

All Lan Wangji really does, during this time, is cry by his piano, and sing.

The melodies come naturally to him. He’s been writing melodies for years, and these songs are no different. He has a thousand things to say, so some are angry, so fast he thinks he might tear his fingers on the guitar strings, some are soft with only piano accompaniment. All too soon he has dozens of recordings of phrases that can be put together into full-length songs. The only one he doesn’t record is the one he wrote for guqin, years ago.

But the lyrics, the lyrics he struggles with for ages. Not Lan Wangji finds himself at a loss for what to say. He doesn’t speak much, it’s true, but when he does he always finds precisely what he wants to say. Rather, Lan Wangji finds he has too much to say.

One Friday afternoon, he sits down on his couch and plays the same ten-minute ballad on his guitar, trying again and again to find a way to shorten it without feeling like he’s ripping a part of his already shattered heart out of his chest. While suppressing the urge to write more verses. He knows he can’t leave them all in; it’s too repetitive. He wants these songs to be good, though he doesn’t really plan on marketing them. A large part of him thinks it’ll always be like this. Just him and his instruments, alone in the living room, mourning over a love long lost, making himself cry over his own lyrics.

Still, Lan Wangji is a perfectionist at heart. He has to do something about the ten-minute ballad. It’s longer than two songs put together.

What if I made them two separate songs?

The thought comes to Lan Wangji suddenly, and he sets down his guitar to pick up the notebook containing the lyrics. This could work. He becomes convinced of this the longer he looks at the lyrics. He’ll never run out of things to say about Wei Ying, but if he separated each of those things into one song–that could work.

He chooses a different melody, edits the lyrics to fit it, picks out a theme, an aspect of Wei Ying to sing about, and suddenly he has a whole discography, and not a single published song.

Lan Wangji goes to his brother.

“Are you sure about this?” Lan Xichen asks, his brows pulled together in a small, worried dip.

“Mn.”

They stare at each other without speaking, because Lan Xichen knows that every concern he might think of, Lan Wangji has already over thought.

“Even if he hears them?”

Lan Wangji will never be famous enough that Wei Ying, wherever in the world he might be, will hear his songs. But if he does, then all the better. “Mn.”

Lan Xichen sighs. “I just don’t want to see you hurt anymore.”

Lan Wangji doesn’t think that’s possible. “Hm.”

Lan Xichen sighs again. “Okay,” he says. “If that’s what you want. I’m sure A-Yao knows someone. I’ll ask.”

It’s a while before he finds someone who’ll actually produce his music, but he’s happy with the person he ends up with. Luo Qingyang emails him back almost immediately after she listens to his demo.

I need you down here yesterday, she says. This is getting produced right now.

His first song, When We Were Young, is released as a single less than a year after the scandal that took Wei Ying from his life, under the stage name “Hanguang-jun.” He’s not sure it fits, but he wants to.

And suddenly, it looks like Lan Wangji might actually be that famous.

Of course, it’s still years in the future, so Lan Wangji carries on like he’s not. His second single, At First Glance, does even better than When We Were Young, and his manager starts bothering him about a music video. Apparently it’s expected of him, but Lan Wangji rejects all of the ideas that the directors Luo Qingyang finds for him come up with. They end up renting a house for a week and filming there, then going to a studio with lights and a piano. Lan Wangji dresses up for that and plays his heart out, and that’s it, that’s the music video.

His third single, Under Moonlight, is somehow more popular than his previous two combined. He has fans now, or maybe it’s just that he’s only now realizing it. He’s not quite sure what to do with that. The video this time takes place on the very bridge the song talks about. He doesn’t do much, since he rejected the idea of hiring actors to play the “counterpart,” so he’s confused as to why it continues gaining views on YouTube. Apparently he looks young. He’s not sure if this is insulting or not, but the internet would probably be shocked to learn he has a five-year-old son.

Lan Sizhui is too young to listen to music by himself, so Lan Wangji hopes that somewhere, there’s a radio playing one of the new hit songs by Hanguang-jun, and a father-son duo walking past.

Luo Qingyang bullies him into exactly one interview before his first album is released. On it, he accidentally confirms that all the songs on the album are about one person, and panics after that, not wishing to reveal anything about Wei Ying or even Lan Wangji’s own name on camera.

Apparently the mystery helps? Lan Wangji understands fame less and less the closer he comes to it. He thought if he just wrote good songs, enough people would listen to him that Wei Ying would hear it. Wei Ying is spotted in Thailand, and Lan Wangji ends up naming his first album Oceans Apart.

It sells, and it sells, and still, Wei Ying and their son are nowhere to be found.

-

Wei Wuxian is lying on a roof the night of his wedding anniversary.

Purple, white, and red fireworks explode in the black sky above him. There’s some celebration going on in the city, and Wei Wuxian takes advantage of it to pretend it’s in celebration of his anniversary.

Not that there’s much to celebrate. He doesn’t think it’s typical to celebrate the anniversary of a marriage which no longer exists, but their marriage didn’t end in the typical way either.

And he still loves Lan Zhan. Loves him so much that the sight of rabbits brings him to tears. So much that he feels like a traitor whenever someone so much as smiles in his direction, so much that he can’t imagine himself flirting with someone. So much that he cries on the roof when the fireworks light up the sky.

“Papa?”

Wei Wuxian looks to the right, and there’s Wei Sizhui, who is sometimes the only thing keeping Wei Wuxian going on his darkest nights. He’s nestled up with Wei Wuxian’s arm around him, small face peering earnestly at him from the dark. “What?”

“Why are you crying?”

Wei Wuxian raises one hand instinctively to rub the tears away. He’d forgotten about that. He’s thrown himself fully into caring for his son, making sure that he has clothes and good food to eat, which is hard when they never stay in a place for long and Wei Wuxian is paranoid of anyone who stares at them too long. Sometimes he wonders if he’s really doing any good, keeping Wei Sizhui away from his other father and uncles and aunts, from a happy childhood with friends and a school. And every time, he blinks back to the moment he woke up in the prison having narrowly avoided being murdered, and knows that Wei Sizhui is still safer with him than he’d be if he was still there, within the Jins reach.

“Nothing,” Wei Wuxian says. “It’s nothing.”

Wei Sizhui frowns. “But Papa is sad,” he declares.

Wei Wuxian presses the back of his hand over his eyes. Fireworks crack so loudly it muffles his shaky inhale. Tears stream down his cheeks and around his ears. Red lights flash across his eyelids.

-

White lights flash through the stage, focusing on the solitary grand piano, and Lan Wangji, in his white suit, seated on the piano bench. A hush falls across the massive crowd. He adjusts his microphone slightly, and places his fingers gently atop the keys. The cameras zoom in on him.

And Lan Wangji sings.

-

“I’m just remembering,” Wei Wuxian whispers. “Someone I used to know.”

“Is it Dad?” Wei Sizhui asks timidly.

Wei Wuxian inhales shakily again, then wraps his arm back around his son. “Yeah,” he admits. “It’s your other father.”

He hasn’t looked back since he ran away. Countless times, he’s thought about Googling the Jiangs in an internet cafe, just to check on how they’re doing. They have social media profiles, so he could. He could. But even the slightest hint of connection could ruin what Wei Wuxian has managed to salvage. The Jiangs would fight for him. Would drag their names in the mud for him, and he can’t let them do that to themselves, so he cuts all ties and doesn’t look back.

Wei Wuxian hasn’t dared to search Lan Wangji since he ran away.

-

“Hello,” Lan Wangji sings, and the crowd cheers.“It’s me. I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet, to go over everything. They say that time’s supposed to heal you, but I ain’t done much healing.”

Before he knows it, there’s tears streaming down his face. They drip onto his nice white suit, but the music doesn’t pause.

-

Hello from the other side

“Will we ever see him again?” Wei Sizhui asks plaintively.

I must have called a thousand times

Wei Wuxian tries to shake his head, his shoulders pressed against the dusty brick roof. “I don’t know, baby,” he says.

To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done

“But why not?” Wei Sizhui pushes. It’s far from the first time he’s asked, but each day it gets harder and harder to answer.

Hello from the outside

“Because he’s very, very far away,” Wei Wuxian replies this time, and tries not to think of Lan Zhan as he last saw him, sleeping peacefully in their bed the night Wei Wuxian broke in and took Wei Sizhui with him. “Oceans away.”

At least I can say that I tried

Eventually, the fireworks stop, and Wei Sizhui falls asleep, head resting in the crook of Wei Wuxian’s arm. Wei Wuxian raises one hand to the midnight sky, pretends he can reach through the vast expanse to wherever his family is. “Happy anniversary, Lan Zhan,” he whispers. “I miss you.”

To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart

Eventually, the song ends, and the cheers deafen the stadium. The lights go out long after Lan Wangji has gotten up from his seat and stepped away from the microphone. The tears on his face are invisible until the cameras focus in on him walking.

“Happy anniversary, Wei Ying,” he whispers, before he picks up the microphone to thank the crowd. “I love you.”

[eirikaanemo]

Venti’s a Celebrity (GN)

1) You’re a fellow celebrity and do a lot of collabs with him

You both produce music professionally and work for the same album company. Your styles work well together so they have you do a lot of duets. Or sometimes you’ll play the music and he’ll sing, or vice versa.

Eventually the two of you collab with each other more than you make individual content. Individually content is still made, but your joint performances do incredibly well. So it’s only natural that the two of you would form a group together

In all reality, it’s not very different from what you were doing before. You just get to come up with a group name and generally spend more time together.

The two of you get closer and bond (you have all the inside jokes). It’s honestly a dream come true for you. You’ve always thought he was cute, but the more you get to know him, the more you grow to like him

Starting a romantic relationship with him is just a natural extension of your already existing relationship. When they catch you making out, your staff were more delighted than surprised to see that you’d finally acted on your mutual pining

You gaze in the mirror, admiring the work of your makeup artist as you wait for a stagehand to let you know when it’s time. Tonight’s performance is live, on-stage and you’re a little nervous. You lightly trace your meticulously done hair with your finger, too afraid of messing it up to do anything more. There’s a knock on the door. “Come in,” you call. The door squeaks as someone enters.

A few moments later, two arms wrap around your torso and you hear Venti take a deep breath. You rest your hands on his and manage the courage to give him a little smile. “Hi Venti,” you whisper. “Hello!” He replies. “I see my precious songbird is nervous for our first performance. Would a kiss cheer you up?” You smile a little wider. “It would,” you admit. “But I think Lisa might just kill me if I mess up my makeup.”

2) You were his very first fan

He started out small on YouTube. You were always the same to like the video and leave a comment. And you would always share it with twenty of your closest friends (or really just anyone you could- internet strangers included)

He appreciated your support so much, always responding to your comments and sometimes giving you shoutouts in his videos. Everyone knows that the role of #1 fan is already taken

It took years for him to get big, and you were there for him the whole time. So when he finally did it, he sends you tickets to his first performance with an invitation to meet with him

You’re ecstatic to know that he’s finally getting the attention he deserves, and are thrilled to receive the ticket and invitation. Of course you accept! And if it took begging for a few days off and splurging on an airplane ticket there… well, he didn’t need to know that

When the two of you meet, you really hit it off and become friends. It helps that there’s so much history between the two of you, but you also find that you have some things in common

After a while of staying in contact as friends, he invites you to another event… as his date. While it was a bit of a shock at first, you were happy to attend and had a lovely time with him

You squeeze his hand lightly as the two of you walk back out to the limousine. He’s chatting about how great it was to see so many of his friends and introduce you to them. You are honestly only half listening, as you hum and agree in all the right places. Tonight has been a lot and you’re still processing what happened. He notices that you seem sort of distant once you’re both seated in the limousine and holds one of your hands with both of his.

“Did you enjoy tonight?” He asks. “Oh, yes,” you say kind of distantly as you snap back to focusing on him. “It was wonderful. My brain is just struggling to comprehend that I just met fifty of your closest celebrity friends.” He laughs. “Well, do you think you’d be up to doing it again? There’s another event in a couple weeks that I’d like to bring you too.” You smile warmly. “Sounds like a date!”

3) You randomly meet them in a regular situation and don’t recognize them

You’re sitting at a bar with your friends, sipping your drink and jamming out to the music playing. It’s by your favorite artist, The Bard, and is one of your favorite songs

Said music artist happens to be at that bar that night and notices you jamming out. So, just for fun, he decides to go sit by you

He asks if you really love the music so much, fully expecting you to recognize him on sight. You don’t recognize him and proceed to go on a rant about how awesome he is and how much you love his music.

He’s surprised, but pleasantly so, and the conversation eventually drifts to other topics. You have a great conversation and he really enjoyed spending time with you, so he gives you his number

You think it’s kind of odd, but he asks you to not give other people his number. Of course you agree, but it’s kind of a weird thing to ask. Why would you just randomly give out the number of some guy you met at a bar?

When he leaves your friends all pounce on you and ask about him. You’re really confused about why they’re interested until one of them mentions him actually being your favorite music artist. It takes a while for them to convince you that they’re not joking around

“Just call him!” Amber proposed. “Who better to convince you who he is than him!” You frown, Venti was just a nice, cute guy you met. There’s no way he could be a famous singer and songwriter. But you know they won’t leave you alone until you ask. “Alright,” you sigh, ignoring their cheers and high fives.

Pulling out your phone, you open a new text chain, type a new message and send it. ‘Are you The Bard? Sorry about the weird questions, my friends are making me ask.’ You wait a couple minutes with your friends on the edge of their seats. Ping! Your phone let you know you received a message. ‘Yep!’ The text reads. ‘I didn’t think it would take you this long to figure it out ;)’. Your friends swear, to this day, that your jaw dropped to the ground and your eyes were the size of dinner plates.

4) You somehow show up in many pictures of them, despite being a random bystander

He likes taking a bunch of pictures, including selfies, and putting them up on social media. It’s his way of connecting with his fans, and it works pretty well. A ton of people follow him and like his pictures

That day you happen to be at his performance and every. single. picture. somehow has you in it. You’re even in the backstage ones because you got a backstages tour. He doesn’t even notice until one of his fans points it out in a comment

His fans love you so much already and insist that he get a proper picture with you. They come up with wild theories and have the craziest ideas of why this is happening, when in reality it really is just coincidence (or is it fate?)

One moment you’re just hanging out in the food court waiting for your friends to get back with your food, the other you’re being tugged along by the star of the show himself? You’re really surprised when he asks for a picture with you. Why in the world would he want a picture of you?

But you agree and the picture is taken. The fans love it so much. So he and the crew invite you to a joint interview stream later. You’re pretty sure the sky is falling, pigs are flying, and that hell has frozen over, but you agree

The fans ship you already and can tell from your matching blushes in the picture that you think each other are cute. So they play wingman and get you together with their full support

“This question is from istananon in chat,” the person reading the questions says. “Venti, if you were to take them on a date, where would you go?” Venti blushes harder and laughs nervously. “Wow, you guys are really asking a lot of questions about us dating,” he notes. “Um, I guess I would take them to Angel’s Share and we could just talk and get to know each other more.”

“There’s a follow up question,” they remark, turning to look at you. “If Venti were to ask you on a date, would you accept?” You hide your face in your hands and whatever you say is muffled. “What was that?” Ven asks nervously. “We didn’t quite catch that.” You pull your face out for a second to respond and then hide

[let-me-write-shit]

can you write a little something about Harry and reader finding out the gender of their baby after a long time of trying?

Ok, first of all, I’m SOOO sorry for taking so long to write this while I finished up my story. When I got this request, I got super emotional because this happened with me and my husband. So the story I wrote is our actual story. I hope you like it.

Word Count: 2,950

Requests are OPEN! If you have a request for a blurb, oneshot, imagine, whatever, Send me a message HERE!!!

And don’t forget to let me know what you think! Enjoy.

CLICK HERE TO READ OTHER COMPLETED STORIES

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Little Miracle

It had been two years. Two long and frustrating years. When Harry and Y/N first started talking about trying to get pregnant, it was exciting. They had been married for about three years at that point and Harry had finally started to slow down in his career a bit to focus a little more attention on his wife with the prospect of starting a family. But things hadn’t gone to plan. They didn’t expect to get pregnant on the first try. Maybe not even the second. But by month three, they started to get discouraged. Maybe their timing was off. Y/N’s period was irregular, after all, and their ideal of ‘letting it happen when it happens’ was starting to become easier said than done. So, Y/N started taking ovulation tests.

She took a text every single day for a week, and all of the tests came back negative. Not a big deal, there’s only three days of ovulation in a month. She continued to take them. The third week, nothing. Maybe her ovulation days were spread out further apart since her period was so irregular? By week five, Y/N began to worry, but she hadn’t lost hope, yet. She visited her OB/GYN who encouraged her to keep trying, try to stress less, and eat healthier. So she did. She started exercising, changing her diet, taking more vitamins, even starting couples yoga with Harry, doing everything within her power to live a better lifestyle. Nothing worked.

With every negative ovulation and pregnancy test they got, Y/N spirits dwindled. Harry began picking up more work, doing anything he could to distract himself from the ranges of emotions that were running through him. Of course, he wanted to have a baby with Y/N. She was the love of his life and to be able to bring a piece of both of them in this world would be the biggest blessing he could have imagined. But seeing the pain and heartache in Y/N’s eyes each day after another negative test felt like a stab in his chest.

He tried to do little things to take her mind off of it. Spontaneous dates, trips to the spa, exotic getaways, concerts, you name it. But when they got home at the end of the day, passing by the empty room they had always talked about one day making into a nursery, he saw the flicker of hope in her eyes die. It was even harder whenever tabloids speculated her pregnancy or friends and family asked when they would have a baby. They always played it off, simply saying ‘it’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen’, but the rage he felt whenever someone brought it up was something awful. It took everything in him not to lunge at the person joking about it. If only they knew, maybe they wouldn’t be so insensitive.

After a year and a half of trying, they decided to bite the bullet and meet with a fertility specialist to see what was going on. Harry had just finished a tour and they thought now was the perfect time to get serious again. Dozens of tests were done between bloodwork, urine screenings, semen samples, and finally an ultrasound. That’s when they were given the news. Y/N had a pretty severe case of PCOS. It was the cause of her irregular periods and the reason why it had been so difficult for her to conceive naturally.

The doctor had sat them down in a room to discuss what this meant. According to him, the chances of Y/N ever conceiving naturally, without medical intervention, were slim to none. And even though there were several medical and procedural routes they could go, the chances of a baby sticking, though not impossible, did not look to be in their favor. The look on Y/N’s face was enough to kill.

After the doctor laid out all of their options, he gave them some space to digest, and as soon as he left the room, Y/N collapsed into Harry’s arms. They had given up hope. What was the point in trying? Why go through all the pain and discomfort of medications and procedures for the high probability that it’d end in miscarriage? When they got home, they began discussing their options. There was always surrogacy and adoption. But the more they talked about it, the more frustrated Y/N got. She tossed all of her unused ovulation and pregnancy tests in a drawer under her bathroom sink and slammed it shut.

“Maybe we can get a second opinion about your PCOS,” Harry suggested, following her into their bedroom.

Y/N shook her head, shrugging her shoulders, and curling up on her bed, tired from all of the crying, “Maybe the universe is telling us we shouldn’t be parents. Maybe it’s just not time yet.”

Harry pouted, curling up with her, “Love, we’re going to have a baby. It may not have your eyes or my dimples, but we’ll have a family someday.”

Months had passed and Y/N continued to take her ovulation tests out of the habit of taking them every day for nearly two years, and every day they would still come up negative. It was Father’s Day, and after a long day celebrating with Y/N’s dad, the couple came home and got ready for bed. Y/N opened a drawer to her bathroom sink to get some floss and to take her daily ovulation test, setting it on the vanity counter before finishing her business, and as she washed her hands, she noticed the faintest extra line imaginable.

Laughing, she threw it in the trash, almost certain that it was either a false positive or a trick of the light. Still, with over four hundred negative ovulation tests under her belt, it was a bit strange. She didn’t mention anything to Harry, afraid he would think she was crazy. The number of times she had convinced herself she was pregnant because of a ‘feeling’ was starting to become ridiculous. But, what’s the harm in trying? Harry looked especially hot today with his hair extra floppy and the perfect amount of stubble on his chin. All it took was her dropping her dressing gown to get him in the mood.

But when the next day rolled around and her ovulation test was negative, she figured the previous night was just a dud. Typical. She had completely forgotten about it, her mind distracted by the fact that Harry had to leave for a few weeks to work on a new album, meeting with producers and mixers, songwriters, and masters in LA. Y/N stayed in their London home, spending time with his family and meeting up with friends.

The day Harry was supposed to return, she decided to get all dolled up for him. It had been a while since she had gone all out, and she wanted to surprise him. First thing’s first, she needed a shower. She stripped out of her clothes, tossing them in the hamper, and decided to use the bathroom real quick before she got in. The sink drawer was slightly ajar and she saw the outline of the unused pregnancy tests she never got the chance to take. She frowned, pulling it out of the drawer, all of the lost hopes and dreams fluttering away with this one pregnancy test. She should get rid of them. She sat on the toilet in thought for a moment before shrugging her shoulders. What’s one more test, for old time sake?

She held the test under her stream for a few seconds and shook it dry before tossing it to the ground, barely out of sight, knowing that the test would be negative like it always was. Besides, she had no symptoms of being pregnant. She felt fine. So, she finished her business and washed her hands. But just as she was about to get in the shower, she happened to look down and saw it. It was faint. Very faint. But it was there. Two blue lines.

Fully naked and one foot wet, she rushed over and grabbed it off the floor, pulling it to her face and holding it up to the light to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. But no matter how she turned it, she couldn’t unsee the two lines.

“Nope. It’s just a false positive,” she told herself before tossing it on the counter and getting in the shower.

But she could barely focus. Her mind kept wandering back to the test. Was it possible? She remembered the ovulation test she had taken on Father’s Day. Maybe she had ovulated. Maybe she was pregnant. No. Not possible. But….maybe?

It was a good thing she drank so much water that morning because when she got out of the shower, she had to pee again. This time, she made sure to get a cup to pee in, wanting to try multiple tests, just in case. She dipped three into the cup and set them on the counter, leaving to get dressed before returning. She took a deep breath, trying not to get her hopes up, before looking down. And her heart began to race. All three, barely visible, had two lines. Were they too faint? Did that mean she wasn’t pregnant?

So, to be sure, she took out the big guns. An electric pregnancy test. She needed to see the words. It wouldn’t be clear until she got a definitive answer. Pregnant or Not Pregnant. So she dipped it in and saw the little hourglass blink, and watched as the bar got closer and closer to completion. It took a moment to register, but when she saw it, an audible gasp escaped her as she clapped her hands over her mouth and stepped back.

Pregnant

“Oh my god!” she cried, tears rolling down her face in streams.

She picked it up, put it down, and picked it back up again to make sure she was reading it right. Pregnant.

Y/N had always imagined telling Harry in a cute, fun way. Putting a bun in the oven, or with a game of Pictionary. Maybe even a little onesie. But all of that went out the window. He was going to be home any minute and there was no way she could keep this to herself long enough to figure out how to tell them. It was something they had been waiting on for two years. She wouldn’t wait another second.

She gathered all of the tests she had taken, capped them so nothing could be exposed to the pee, and took them down to the dining room table, scattering them around and staring at them. Her leg shook, anxious for her husband’s arrival, and she bit her fingernails, still in shock that this was even happening. The beeping of the motion sensor went off, signaling that the front door had been opened and Harry’s voice rang through the house.

“Y/N?! I’m home! Where are you?!”

She tried to shout, but she couldn’t find her voice. The butterflies flapped around in her stomach like crazy and she felt like she could vomit from the nerves. It only took seconds for him to find her, though. He wore sweats and his hair looked almost greasy from his long flight home, a smile had stretched across his face at the sight of her. But it quickly turned into confusion when he neared.

“What’s this?” he asked, looking at the objects scattering the table as he got closer.

He picked one up to examine and upon seeing what it was, his eyes widened, gasping, “What? No way?” he put the test that he had been holding down and quickly grabbed another one, and another, and another, repeating, “Is that a line? Y/N, is that a line?” before finally grabbing hold of the electric test that read ‘Pregnant’. He gripped it tight, finally looking up at his wife, tears rimming his eyes, “You’re pregnant? We’re going to be parents?”

Y/N grinned, her eyes beginning to water, and nodded, “We’re going to be parents.”

Harry lost it, unable to control his emotions anymore. Two years of pent up sadness had blown out of him and he bawled, collapsing into Y/N’s arms and squeezing her tightly, blubbering, “I’m going to be a dad.”

They waited a while before telling anyone, terrified of their fertility doctor’s prediction that their baby would most likely not stick. But after three months of regular appointment and growth checkups, all of which looked great, they felt comfortable enough to tell their immediate family and very close friends, all of whom were beyond thrilled for the couple.

It was easy to hide her pregnancy for a while. She had no symptoms, she hardly showed, and it was at a time where Y/N and Harry hardly left their house anyway, so most people hadn’t suspected anything. They had managed to get halfway through the pregnancy without any leaks, and finally, at their twenty-week checkup, they would be finding out whether they were having a boy or girl.

They were especially nervous because, although they had been tossing names in the air for months now and had a boy’s name picked out almost right away, they hadn’t been able to agree on a girl name quite yet, and Y/N was almost certain they were having a girl, though Harry had been adamant that it was a boy.

“I don’t care, either way. I just want to know what kind of laugh they’ll have,” Harry said as the ultrasound technician moved the wand around his wife’s belly, taking measurements of all of the baby’s extremities and organs. “Like, will it have that cute high-pitched baby laugh? Or will it have one of those laughs that sounds like demonic possession, you know? I just want to be prepared for what I might hear in the middle of the night.”

Y/N laughed, rolling her eyes, “I hope they have a demonic laugh. Imagine how much more fun Halloween would be? And everyone would be too creeped out by their laughing to want to stay too long. Imagine all of the awkward or boring situations we could get out of because of it.”

Harry’s eyebrows raised, “Well, when you put it like that…”

The nurse giggled at their conversation and turned to face them, “Okay, are we ready to find out the gender?”

“Yes,” they grinned, squeezing each other’s hands tighter.

“Alright, let’s see if baby’s cooperating,” sang the technician, sliding the wand down further and pressing it harder into her skin. They saw their baby’s legs moving around wildly as she tried to get a better look in between their legs, digging the wand in harder. And that’s when they saw it. They shared a look with each other, mouths agape, as the nurse smiled, “It’s a boy.”

Y/N laughed, turning to face her husband, expecting him to start gloating. But she saw the reflection of light hit the water that started to collect at his lash line and a single tear rolled down his cheek, his chin quivering and sniffling as he quickly wiped it away.

“We’re having a boy,” he choked, catching his breath and pressing his lips to her forehead, his hand squeezing hers even harder now. The nurse grinned at his display of emotion as Harry whispered into her ear, “Paxton Robin Styles.”

-------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @odetostep

[michals]

Can I request some Luther and Vanya scene please

I had a more solemn, angstier idea for this then thought, naw, I'm just gonna let 'em hang out, haha. This is the album in the fic btw.

-

Allison jokingly calls them ‘playdates’ no matter how many times Diego protests and rolls his eyes. But Vanya has to agree with her, they really are kind of like playdates. Since the big reunion that was the end of the world…ends of the world, the seven of them have spent plenty of time together as a whole – usually in the form of family dinners that turn into all night group therapy sessions involving a lot of booze. But besides that they’ve gotten into the habit of breaking off into twos, spending more time one on one with each other. Playdates.

There isn’t a schedule for it but somehow Vanya always finds herself with Luther on Tuesdays. This Tuesday the record shop down the street from her apartment reopened after a remodel and it just seemed like something he’d like.

She was right, Luther walks out of the store with a stack at least 20 records tall. She thinks he probably made the shop owner’s whole week. A lot of the talk of 80’s rock divas and synth bands were lost on her but Luther enjoyed himself.

“Seriously I’ve been looking for this forever,” Luther says excitedly, holding up the one on the top. Vanya’s never heard of The Hothouse Flowers but then again she’s more a Mozart fan.

“You’re gonna run out of space in your room soon,” she tells him.

“Oh I’m converting dad’s office,” Luther says nonchalantly. “Like a music library or something.”

Vanya’s surprised, the Great Purge of the Academy mansion has been extensive yes, but so far dad’s office and bedroom have remained mostly off limits. That Luther’s the one to finally take that step is a good sign, she thinks proudly to herself.

Luther walks her home without it being a question. It’s early November now and the temperature dropped from mild to ‘good lord it’s fucking cold out I had to actually wear pants today’ – as Klaus puts it – in a matter of days. Vanya’s already broken out her thickest coat that looks like she’s smuggling something underneath.

“Want a beer?” she asks when they reach her place.

“Yeah, sounds nice,” Luther answers, stepping in behind her. She doesn’t really need to offer anything, Luther’s welcome to just hang out, because they do ‘hang out’ now. She spent over a decade out in the world but she’s never had a lot of friends. ‘Hanging out’ with everyone has been a welcome addition to her life.

She shucks her shoes but not her coat when they get inside the apartment, Luther awkwardly attempts to unlace his boots until Vanya takes the records from him. She makes sure he sees how delicately she places them on the counter.

He takes a seat on the couch, the same place he usually sits, as Vanya goes to the fridge. “I’ve got grapes and some pretzels too if you’d like some.”

“No no, I’m fine,” Luther says unconvincingly. Vanya nods like she believes him but takes the bag of pretzels with her, the beers in her other hand. He takes the beer then eyes the pretzels for a second before taking a handful. Vanya holds back a sly smile, she likes that she knows him well enough now.

They sit for a moment in silence as they open the bottles and take a drink. Then Luther looks around, brow furrowed.

“Is it really cold in here?”

She laughs, she was wondering if he was even going to notice. Super endurance and all. “Yeah, it is, sorry.”

“Do you…not want the heat on?”

“Radiator’s broken,” she says with a shrug, “I’ve told the super about it and he told me he’ll get to it.” (She’d mentioned it to Diego a couple days ago at lunch and had to insist that no, she doesn’t need him to ‘intimidate’ him for her, thank you though.)

Luther looks to the radiator across the room like he’s trying to see what’s wrong with it from here. He points and tentatively asks, “Can I?”

Vanya’s a bit taken aback, she has no idea what he can do about it but she gestures, says, “Yeah go ahead.”

Luther goes to the radiator, looks it over and then unceremoniously drops to sit cross legged in front of it. He looks down at the gasket that’s covered in rust.

“You have a wrench?”

Vanya almost laughs at that. “The only tool I have here is a corkscrew.” She’s never been all that handy.

Luther purses his lips, kind of shrugs and wraps his hand around it and turns. Who needs a wrench when you have super strength?

“Bucket and a rag?”

Those Vanya can provide, she grabs them from under the sink and brings them over. Luther fiddles with the gasket for second, puts the bucket under it and with another twist a stream of air bursts out of it and water sluices into the bucket. Vanya just watches in interest. After a moment the air stops and Luther replaces the gasket, wipes the water from it.

“Try it now,” he says. She turns the thermostat on for the first time in nearly two weeks. “Give it a second.”

She brings his beer over, hands it to him with a curious look. “How’d you know how to do that?”

He shrugs, “The one in the bedroom hallway broke a couple years ago, I had to figure it out.”

She tilts her head as she considers this. “Luther do you know how to fix other stuff?”

He gives another shrug. “Well, yeah I suppose. The house is pretty old.”

She’s never had to consider it before but now that she hears it it makes perfect sense. She’d never actually seen a repairman or a plumber or any kind of worker in the mansion though she’s sure there must have been a couple, she can’t imagine dad debasing himself to fix a clogged sink. But Luther’s lived in that house his whole life, it figures he’d taken over the upkeep of it.

“Why?” he asks, taking a sip of his beer, “Anything else broken?”

She lets out a sigh that turns into a laugh. “Well, the intercom’s never worked, and the latch on that window broke off – that’s how Mrs. Kowalski’s cat keeps getting in. Oh and the oven never gets very hot.”

Luther frowns in confusion. “You pay to live here right?”

She smiles again and it’s her turn to shrug. “I do, yeah. I know I should probably pester Dillion – the super – more but…” Honestly she hasn’t thought about it much, those problems have been around for a long time and she’d just learned to live with them without making a fuss, she used to be like that. It’s not til right now that she realizes she doesn’t have to anymore. She’s gotten a lot better at making a fuss.

“I can fix those,” Luther says.

“Really? Even the intercom?”

Luther tilts his head, says humbly, “I mean I did rebuild the towncar’s engine, it can’t be harder than that.”

And now Vanya’s really surprised. “The whole engine?”

“I, uh, had a lot of time on my hands,” he says sheepishly. And that does make her feel sort of bad. He’d been hidden away in that house for so long, she hadn’t spared it a thought back then. For all her own isolation, even after she left, she’d never considered that her brother was feeling it too.

Luther holds his hand up to the radiator, “Looks like it’s working now.”

Vanya puts her hand by it too, relief hitting her as she feels it heating up, she won’t have to sleep in her coat tonight. Luther gets to his feet, Vanya pretends to help though she knows he outweighs her by her whole body weight. He makes to go back to his seat when Vanya asks:

“You wanna put the record on?”

Luther’s eyes practically light up, “Yeah?” He’s already starting towards the stack on the counter, “This is their best album, debut, 1988.”

She takes her seat on the armchair, takes some pretzels as Luther goes on some more about the record as he carefully places it on her (admittedly very cheap) record player and starts it up. He gives a satisfied little nod as the song starts then returns to his place on the couch.

Vanya sits back and listens for a bit, and yeah, it’s not quite her style but Luther’s smiling.

“Next Tuesday?” she asks, “For the intercom?”

He settles back into the couch, “Yeah, Tuesday’s good.”