#now his album was leaked and he can’t announce it the way he does

[kiwikiwiandkiwi]

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[finelinevogue]

Just wanted to say 2 things:

1)Love the fic where he proposed over a cup of tea…so sweet💗

2) we all know how H has asthma sometimes so…could u write something w/the reader helping him with an attack idk or during an interview/concert/family gathering do as u pls

A nice day

XOXO

firstly, thank you so much that’s so sweet of you <33 and secondly, um yes i would love to give this a go at writing for you! hope you enjoy;

Harry couldn’t breathe.

He was in a panic, completely terrified of the uncontrollable situation. He was having an asthma attack concocted with a panic attack and it was brutal.

“Shit,” Jeff whispered as he watched Harry breathe heavily and loudly on the floor. His friend was currently on his hands and knees trying to gasp for air, whilst dressed in his notorious Fine Line outfit.

It was the big night. The one night only at The Forum for the release of his new album Fine Line, hence the costume. He had been nervous all day, with shaking hands and a tendency to forget simple things. You had been with him all day; having a slow brunch together out in the Hollywood Hills and then just chilling around for the afternoon. You didn’t want to anything to strain his voice, so talking hadn’t been an option. That left you either to sleeping and cuddling, whilst watching a movie, or sex. Now you were all for sex, but Harry complained that he liked talking to you during it and so that got shut down pretty quickly. You didn’t forget what he whispered to your ear though just before you cuddled into watching Bambi;

“Keep your moans for later, you’ll be fucking needing them for what I have planned.”

But that was over two hours ago now. Harry had been whisked away to start getting ready, what with hair and makeup first. You’d left him to it, telling him you would just lounge around and wait for him. It was when he was getting into costume had you announced you were just going to go down the street to get some coffee from Dunkin’ - seeing as there were few of them back in England, where you most commonly lived with Harry. The problem was you hadn’t come back yet, and it was an hour later.

“Harry mate, you need to calm down.” Kid Harpoon told him carefully, kneeling down next to his good friend. Nothing was working though and Harry was too breathless to ask anyone for his inhaler.

It had started by thinking about how nervous he actually was for tonight. It was such a huge show and one of a kind too. He was playing his new album and it wasn’t even 24 hours old yet. There was so much pressure weighing him down that he couldn’t breathe - he was suffocating in the anxiety of his own mind and he couldn’t escape at all. Then because he was in so much of a panic his asthma hit him and added another reason to his breathlessness. It was finally made worst when he realised you weren’t by his side to help him. You weren’t there to quickly eliminate the asthma and focus on helping him overcome the panic attack, instead he had his mates surrounding him - crowding him - and they didn’t know the first thing to do.

“Sarah, where’s Y/N?” Mitch shouted, making Harry squint the thought away. He didn’t want to think about how something back might’ve happened or might be happening to you. Where were you? Sarah’s response did no better to help him.

“I don’t know.”

“Harry bud. Talk to us.” Jeff spoke, crouched down in front of him. Harry shook his head, tears running from his eyes as he began crying. The sobs were really harsh and embarrassing. The tears were heavy and mixed with snot running from his nose to pool on the floor below him. He was not doing well at all, coughing when the asthma choked him up. He couldn’t do this. He felt like he was in a small box and it was only getting smaller. He felt as if he were going to die. Genuinely.

“Does he look like he can talk, dickward.” Adam’s voice came from the other side of Harry, messing his head up even more. There was so many voices and he couldn’t focus on just one, but he didn’t want to. He wanted yours. He needed yours. You.

Whenever this has happened before he was always luckily in the comfort of his home, or the tour bus and always with you. So this was unfamiliar and terrifying. He was beginning to think you’d left him or you’d gotten seriously hurt, but he couldn’t do anything to help. He was stuck - paralysed to this position as his lungs collapsed in on themselves and his brain sped the same speed as a train. You were his comfort person and it was only ever you that he wanted in situations like these. Just you.

“Move out of my way. Move!” Harry thought he heard you and your voice, but he hated that his mind could be playing tricks on him in desperation for what, or whom, he truly wanted.

He felt someone crash on the floor in front of him and the almighty smell of lavender and soap hit him all at once. This time, he was glad to have someone sit so close to him, because it was you.

“Harry look at me, hey, hey. You’re okay. Look at me bubs.” You spoke calmly, trying not to sound panicked yourself, even if you were heavily worried. You watched as he looked up at you, eyes ridiculously red and puffy whilst his nose was dripping like a leaking tap. You wanted to rub his tears away and dab away the snot, but your main priority was on his breathing first. “Okay good, okay.”

Your hand went into your bag and picked out his inhaler. You shook it a few times, before putting it into Harry’s mouth. “On three, one, two, three…” Harry tried is best to breathe in and you pushed down on the canister. “Good, bubs, really good. Okay again, one, two, three…” You repeated and then a third time until you could tell that the wheezing of his asthma attack had disappeared.

“T-than…” Harry tried to mumble out, but couldnt because he was still in panic and his throat was so dry.

“Sshh you’re okay.” You turned to one of the crew members and asked for them to fetch you a bottle of water. You asked people to clear out of the room and leave you with Harry for a bit, knowing he wouldn’t settle in front of all these people. You sat on the floor, crossed legged, and brought Harry to lay his head in your lap with his body trailing behind. You offered him one of your hands to squeeze if he wanted to, which he appreciated, cupping both of his around yours. Your other hand laid to stroke through his gelled hair - that would no doubt have to be redone now.

Instead of going straight into talking to him, you sang his favourite lullaby to him in aid of calming him down. It always worked, or at least helped a little. You sang quietly, noticing the beat of his heart soften with every line you sung. You were by no means a professional singer like him, but he liked the way it was so imperfect and mellow. It calmed him to hear something so simple and so you. Whilst you sang the crew never came back with your requested water and you thanked them, before you were the only ones left in the room.

After you finished singing you noticed how calm Harry was, almost still - the complete opposite to how he’d been all of 10 minutes ago. It was amazing what the power of you could do to him.

“What colour are we feeling?” You and Harry had created your own little system by which you would let each other know how you’re feeling by a colour of the rainbow. You’d designated a meaning to all of them that only you two could understand and used them on the days when you weren’t feeling great, to help understand each other’s feelings better.

“The whole bloody rainbow.” Harry mumbled out and you passed the water around so he could take a few sips, to which he thanked you graciously for.

“Oi, you can’t have that as your answer.” It was a rule that you could only use one colour to some your most intense emotion in that moment, otherwise there was kind of no point to the system.

“But it’s true. I feel grey with confusion, blue with sadness, purple with frustration, yellow with fear and even light yellow with cowardice. Yet I feel pink with happiness and light red with love.”

“What about red red?” You teased, not being able to help yourself.

“What? Lust? Always, for you that is.” You leant down to kiss his head as he cracked a joke, showing you that your Harry was still there beneath all this worry.

“Tell me what the colours represent in real life.”

“Purple because I am frustrated that I had to have a panic attack right before the biggest show of my career. Yellow because I am frightened that nobody will like the album and it will be a complete fail of a night. Grey because I can’t choose one colour and focus on it. I.. I—”

You could tell he getting himself worked up again, so cut him short. “Bubs stop, you’re okay. Listen to me.” You tucked his hair behind his ear as if to open it up for him to hear better. “Don’t ever be frustrated with yourself for something like this. You are allowed to have moments of weakness; you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. Did this compromise your show? No. Did this show off how strong and brave you are? Yes. That’s what is important, therefore we can swap purple for dark yellow because you were brave. Which means yellow can also turn to dark yellow because you are so brave for doing something so huge and so wonderful. People already love the album H. Can’t get enough of it. Everyone will sing along to every word, I can promise you that. Or at least I will. You are amazing, so never undersell yourself. That’s important to me and for you. Bubs, you are so amazing for what you’re doing here tonight and I couldn’t be prouder of you. Yes, a panic attack isn’t nice and it isn’t convenient, but it just helps show how much you care about tonight and it going a success. That must count for something.”

He didn’t say anything for a bit and that was okay. He was most likely getting his thoughts together and mentally preparing himself for the greatest night of his life. You bent your body over so you could hug him, since his back was to your front, and just give him a squeeze to reiterate how proud you are of him.

“Y/N.” Harry spoke quietly, as your body encased his. You embraced his warmth and inhaled the beautiful scent that he was wearing. He both smelt and looked phenomenal.

“Yes bubs.”

“You know I love you right?” Of course you did, but it still made your heart flutter as crazy as the first time he said it to when he tells you now.

“I do.”

“And you know you’re it for me right?”

“Well.. I—” You didn’t want to get too ahead of yourself.

“Because you are.” Harry turned himself around, making you sit up so he could move. He was lying with his head facing upwards now, face looking less red and puffy, and staring right into the souls of your eyes. He looked magical. Beautiful. He thought the same of you. “And,” he moved his fingers to take off his S ring from Gucci, that probably cost more than your annual salary, and place it onto your ring finger of your right hand, “I give you this as a promise to share my last name with you someday.”

Seeing the initial of his last name sat on the finger opposite to the one he claimed he would one day put two more rings on, brought you to tears. “Harry…” You didn’t know what to say, you were speechless. You had never expected for him to do something as monumental as this and had never experienced it before to know how to react.

Of course you’d always dreamt of marrying him and being his for eternity, but never thought of it possibly becoming your reality. Now, Harry was completely devoting himself to you and only you and it suddenly all felt like the dream was settling in place.

“I swear to you Y/N, i’ll love you until the next lifetime and i’ll find you again. I love you so much, I can’t even tell you how much because it is so infinite. You’re so kind and patient with me and you see me for me, not for the Harry Styles, just Harry. I’ll never let a day pass without you on my mind and I think it’s because you were always meant to be mine. My heart is yours.” He smiled once he noticed you were crying, moving one of his hands up to wipe the tears away.

“How do I top that?” You whispered to him, but mostly to yourself. Both of you laughed.

“Just tell me you love me.”

“I do. I do love you Harry.” You nodded and then he sealed your confirmation with a kiss to his lips. You rested your hand upon his cheek, placing the coolness of the S ring upon his cheekbone, as he placed his hand under your chin to guide you into the kiss. He tasted divine and you smiled knowing that you got to have him like this, taste him like this, for the rest of your beating hearts’ days.

[redspiderling]

MCU Breakdown: Black Widow, Part 1

I can’t believe this is happening 😭

First of all, congratulations to all of you who’ve been here all these years. We got it. We begged for years, and it’s finally here.

For once I wasn't dreading revisiting this film to write down what I got from it. I felt more like I might not do it justice. This film is so special to me, but here it is, the MCU Breakdown of Black Widow, part 1 (of who knows how many).

I remember back when I started running this blog and talking about a hypothetical Black Widow movie that had never been announced, always "yeah, we would be happy to do it, maybe, someday in the future", and arguing that it would be important for women and girls, no matter its content. I'm so glad we got it like this. So, so glad.

The rest under the cut.

Let's start with some technical details. The film has a lot of setups and callbacks, nothing is done in chance. For example, I love how the light, and the sounds we hear when we first, and last, see Natasha in the film, are the same. We greet her in bright -birds cheeping- morning light, while she's riding her bike home, to her family

and we leave her in bright -birds cheeping- morning light, while she's riding her bike home, to her family (I'm using the term family very liberally here in reference to the Avengers for the sake of the movie, bear with me, you know how I feel about those dudes).

It's signifying new beginnings, each time, not endings. Notice how, what we see is natural light, which makes this scene pop out, and look more real because the light is coming from the sun, and isn’t artificially made on VFX software. You will notice the stark differences in colours and lighting when the emotions and the atmosphere change in this film, because there is a visual language being employed here, the director has a story to say, and she uses all the tools she has to tell it. The light is exactly the same in those 2 scenes, because Cate wants us to make that connection, even if we make it unconsciously.

Natasha is placed in such a positive way, both at the start and the end of the film. There's this discussion about how "real" their little family was, but it was the characters that muddled up that image. The reality of their lives in Ohio is presented in a happy way, that had deep rivers under the surface, for sure. This wasn't accidental, for a lot of reasons.

First of all, if you take it the literal way, they were spies, and had to present themselves as normal. If you take it the allegorical way, any girl could fall victim to trafficking, and if you take it the character way, both Scarlett and Cate wanted to showcase that Natasha is human. They also wanted to give her something that wasn't always dripping with pain and sadness. They were both parts of her life, yes, but there was also joy, and light, and once upon a time she had been a kid, playing with her sister.

Also, and this has been mentioned before but it bears repeating: I love the actress they chose for young Natasha, and I love how they presented her character. She's allowed to be a young teenage girl. She's not sexualised. She's at that gangly stage between childhood and adulthood, and there's nothing sexual about it, no provocative clothing, no excessive makeup. She's a kid.

Plus, I know Cate said the actress already had her hair dyed blue and they just decided to let her have it, but I think it works well for Natasha's character. That small act of defiance, even that early on, against the system that wanted to break her. Also, the film gives us such great character moments, because they let the camera roll and don't rush through scenes, look at Natasha looking at Melina comforting Yelena. We can see the pain, the fear, where she knows that this isn't going to last, and wonders about what will become of them once their lives begin to unravel.

We also get to see the joy on her face, the wonder of discovering the world, how often do you get to see Marvel characters do this, just live in the moment?

Bioluminescence: the production and emission of light by a living organism. Or how Natasha is a bright light, that shines from within. Not my words, Cate Shortland's words. I felt it when I was watching this scene, but it was lovely to have it verified in one of her interviews. I wish I could meet her, and tell her that everything she wanted to put on screen came through, incandescent and crystal clear. Fireflies are a symbol for Natasha, as a bright light that shines from within, and never dies.

Small details that I love, the magnet on the fridge: Don't forget, above a picture of Natasha. LIKE WE EVER COULD, CATE.

We have another setup here, where the family gathers up to have dinner together. Even the sitting arrangement is the same as later on in the film.

Notice also how both young, and adult version of Natasha, communicate so well with Melina, just with their eyes. It doesn't necessary show a deep history between them, but it does show a bone deep level of understanding. Not just of their current circumstance, but of their future, and of what it will do to them. Melina knows what's coming and she's says it "I'm sorry", but they're both resigned to their fate, Melina because she doesn't see a way out, and Natasha because, well, here she's a kid, and therefore is powerless.

The dynamics between Yelena and Alexei is so different. Yelena is young and doesn't understand, so they're speaking about completely different things. "I don't have my shoes" is what she says, and it's heartbreaking in its innocence, as Alexei is loading his gun and reading himself for battle. We can still see that he's not indifferent to her, telling her she can have "fruit loops in the car". He's not a monster, he just doesn't have a choice (or at least, he thinks he doesn't).

Also, notice how the camera angles are employed here: Natasha and Melina look each other eye to eye, Yelena looks up to Alexei, Alexei looks down on her, there is an imbalance of power and understanding in the second set of images, and the camera tells us that.

Melina doesn't let Natasha take the photo album. For one thing, it's certain that Natasha wouldn't be able to keep it. For another, Melina wanted the memories, and probably didn't want anyone else to realise/think that they cared about their little family unit.

There's just a lot of thought that's been put in the details of the script, to show us their bond, their attempts to hide it, to show the characters' personality in everything around them (notice the plants that are ever present in Melina's home, in Ohio and later in Saint Petersburg). She might seem cold, she has been through a lot, but she cares. And that care has brought her pain. And we have to see that pain, because we get the quiet moments like this one, where she stands alone in an empty home knowing that part of her life is over, never to return.

The mission, is the last thing Melina asks about. The last thing Alexei mentions, the last thing either of them cares about. First, she refused to accept that they had completed the mission and were now hunted, then she accepted it and they loaded their family in the car, and then she asked about the leaked files.

Also, notice how that shot is framed. Both images silhouetted by the light because it’s the moment and the prop smack down in the middle of the frame that’s important, now what they’re going through, emotionally, they’re not themselves in that moment, they’re nameless, tools of the trade, expendable in front of that tiny floppy disk.

Yelena is singing while the rest are plunging in despair, but still humour her and play her song.

I found this shot a bit... Jarring. I get it that for American audiences this would show that they're actually leaving "home" behind, but for the rest of us... Eeeh, I'll give it a pass because it is an American production and this is just something to be expected. I mean, Yelena's song was American Pie. We get it, you still love America, just because you're making a film about Russian spies doesn't mean you're a commie Marvel, it's ok.

But in any case, the setup for the action scene here was excellent. Happy, familiar music playing, car is on the main road, car goes off the main road familiar music gets toned down and eventually completely lost in the darkness.

Yelena knows what to do, we see it, so that we know that this 6 year old girl who holds her stuffed animal and walks barefoot has practiced for this moment.

By the way, Natasha did take another item with her along with the photobooth pictures (it also looks like a photo album with Disney princesses on it), it didn't survive the trip. We are informed of this for a very specific reason: Melina didn’t ask Natasha not to take the photo album out of malice, or just because she wanted to keep it for herself. She knew it wouldn’t survive the trip in Natasha’s hands. We also get a close shot of the image strip (and we get it again, during the credits), because it will be important, later on.

Bet y'all also forgot you were watching a superhero movie until this happened? That wasn't accidental, they wanted us to see them as normal people, this is the moment when that ends.

Natasha saved her family, even though she was a terrified kid.

I know that they did the huge titles thing to connect this film to Civil War but... Listen, Civil War needed the huge titles because that script and the way that movie was directed was a complete disaster. We needed to know where the characters were each time with huge ass title because there was NO OTHER WAY TO TELL. Between complete lack of a timeline, and the fact that you couldn't even tell what time of the day it was due to the horrible lighting, you definitely couldn't tell what the location was because it was irrelevant to the plot like, 90% of the time. Not to mention the title cards in Civil War were usually followed by dimly lit grey corridors so, yeah, give us a title so we know at least where they are, generally.

This film. Didn't Need That. For the most part anyway, there are 2 locations where the titles worked. First one was Ohio, the other I'll reveal later.

But here. Guys, they're Russian spies escaping from the US on a small plane... Where else would they go if not to Cuba?!?! This is the Black Widow movie paying for the sins of Civil War, in a small way in this instance.

Yelena tells Melina that pain only makes you stronger, Natasha cries, and they setup my heartbreak for later.

Natasha protecting Yelena, terrified, and staring men down the barrel of her gun anyway. Such a badass and heartbreaking callback.

Notice how this scene makes us look at how men view this. There's an allegory here as well, but I'll address what's actually happening in the film:

Dreykov notices Natasha's natural instinct to protect herself and her sister, and all he sees is something he can use. A tool for violence, instead of sex, in this case. But the implication is there. Not a person, or a terrified girl, just an object to be used by men.

So glad that piece of shit got blown up and never mentioned again. Any man looking for exposition on Dreykov to feel the "loss" when the villain is gone: Fuck you. Go get some therapy.

Moving on from that piece of shit, difference between Melina and Alexei: Melina apologised. Alexei lied, but he also tried to give them hope. We can see the devastation, because the soldiers never thought of them as girls like he did, and didn't blink before drugging them and taking them away.

Yet another setup, of Natasha and Yelena, drugged and powerless as they are taken away. Because it wasn't enough that they were kids, they took away all their choices, and rendered them unconscious.

What can I possibly say about this credits scene.

It's very real, probably the realest minutes in the entire MCU, and it's merciless. They don't try to sugar-coat what's happening, and there are no jokes to diffuse the drama. These are girls being trafficked from all over the world. I don't know about you but I felt the switch from true parallel to real life traffic victims like this shot that looks like footage from Interpol

to Red Room victims as being a clear shift, and I was actually grateful for it. Because here I could put my back against the fact that the red room wasn't real, otherwise I would have broken down before the credit sequence even ended.

It was a stroke of genius to create an introduction to this entire world like that. We rarely see credit sequences anymore and it's a shame, because when they're well done they tell stories in and of themselves, and this is one of the best I've seen.

Even the villain is set up here. He's pointing at girls and saying "that one, and her", like he's picking pigs for slaughter. How much more setup than that do you need, to want to murder that man dead? Not any more, that was enough.

Nobody speak to me I’m crying.

Subtle, but there. Trafficking (and traffickers) exists because it IS being tolerated by governments around the world.

Unnecessary title aside, who else says Natasha looks at herself in the mirror hear and repeats "pain only makes you stronger", as she's being hunted away from yet another family.

Then she's saying it again because it bears repeating and Natasha has been through A Lot these past few years. I love how unfiltered our first image of her is. After all she's been through, we basically see her stripped of all her tricks in a moment where she’s alone with herself and her thoughts(something we later learn she tries not to do much), and she's just a woman having a tiny breakdown in a semi-public bathroom. Again, human.

This is where I will leave you for this first part. Hey, I got through the intro, I count that as a win given just how long this breakdown has already been. If you’ve gotten this far, thank you for reading, come yell at me in my inbox whenever, see you for the next one xo

[copias-thrall]

Fucking one of the ghouls is like a reverse exorcism. You don't want the demon to be out of your body but want them come inside you (:

I adore whatever possessed you to send this ask, dear anon. ;)

*rough sex; vaginal penetration; cunnilingus/fingering; knotting; lots of cum*

It was your first day off in what felt like weeks. There was the influx of new Initiates following that Goore creature’s latest announcement (and hadn’t Imperator been livid he’d done so before Papa IV’s long-awaited—and unprecedented—second album), plus the plans for the autumnal equinox bacchanal were a clusterfuck, and then the whole mishap with the dorms for newly minted Siblings.

There were late nights and early morning—and late nights that turned into early mornings—and at some point you’d just started sleeping in the armchair in the tiny office that was yours. You were eating breakfast at 8pm and dinner at 4am, and at one point you just went outside and used a garden hose to rinse yourself off before getting back into it.

When your assistant had rolled in with her shadows and trundled you off to your room, you’d been irate…but after an actual shower, fresh clothes, and a solid 3hrs of sleep, you’ve come to see the sense in her actions.

You’re still antsy—still full of that anxious energy—and you haven’t seen your Ghoul since the madness started. As you rub your hand between your legs, you realize you know just how you can burn off that excess.

It’s a good thing the two of you have got going—both of you have high-pressure positions within the admin at the Abbey and with Sister Imperator being a micromanager, not a lot of wiggle room for delays or mistakes. A romp in the sheets multiple times a week with no expectations of dinners or dates is exactly what the both of you need to work hard and fuck harder.

And a good, hard fuck is just what you need right now.

You put on a cheap set of lingerie (he likes to rip it off you and you like to be cost effective), dab a bit of Santal 33 on your pressure points and between your breasts, and make your way down to the Ghoul dorms. 

Your heart beats with excited anticipation and your blood quickens with lust the closer you get.

No doubt all the Ghouls can smell it on you as you get a few lascivious winks and howls from the Ghouls and Ghoulehs you pass. But you just toss your hair, do a little twirl, and wink right back.

“I know,” you purr as you continue on your way.

You’re not 3 doors away when the door of his room slams open. His eyes glow low, and his chest heaves—but he makes no move to chase you. He simply tracks your movements as you grow closer, swinging your hips the whole way.

He stiffens as you purposefully brush against him when you slink into his room, and you hum out an Mmm, letting your fingers linger as they trail across his chest. You can feel more than hear the rumble that starts low there.

As soon as you’re in, he slams the door shut and locks it.

“Been too long,” he growls as he pushes his hard bulge into you.

“Has it? I hadn’t noticed,” you tease as you go easily into his touch; his one hand pulls you flush into the heat of him while the claws of the other sink into your hair to reveal your neck to him.

He licks at your pulse point. “Can smell you,” he counters, and then his other hand is pressing in between your legs. “Can feel you,” he pants into your ear.

You cover his hand with yours and show him how you want it as he nips at your delicate skin and sucks bruises into your neck. His cock ruts against your ass in time to your movements, and you suddenly want it in you like, last week.

He rumbles when he smells the spike in your arousal, and you let out an Ah when his hand comes up to tweak at your nipples.

“What do you want?” he asks as his hot breath tickles your ear.

You reach an arm back to sneak a hand up the back of his mask to scritch at the bottom of his horns, and he bites your earlobe.

“I want you to fill me up in more ways than one, Ghoul; I want you to possess my body in the name of the Olde One.”

He snarls and practically vibrates against you.

“The Dark Lord loves a willing body…I will claim you in his name as many times as you desire, Little Human.”

You turn and grab the obscene outline in his pants, and he hisses, his claws digging into your arms through your habit.

“I have the whole night off.”

His mouth finds yours in a crash of spit and teeth, and his hands tug at your habit. Even though you’d love to unzip those tight pants of his, you know if you don’t disrobe yourself, he’ll do it for you—and your habit isn’t cheap.

He still plucks at you as you pull away, but you still manage to get the habit over your head in one piece. Even expecting it, you still gasp when his strong hands tear first your panties and then your bra before you’ve managed to pull your head free from your garments.

And then his hot mouth is sucking on your nipples while his tail slips into your slit.

You let out an “Oh shit,” and you feel him fumble with his pants, and you have half a second to marvel at his coordination before he picks you up by the waist and tosses you onto his nest.

When you land, it’s with a bounce onto your stomach before he pulls you to the edge of the bed. His fangs scrape against your ass enough to sting deliciously and his teeth bite into you hard enough to bruise, but not break the skin. He slaps your ass for good measure before rolling you over by your thighs. 

Giving you a toothy grin, he says, “And let you feel the tongue of Satan’s,” before his forked tongue lolls out and wiggles into your entrance.

“ƨon ibυɒ ƨυmɒϱoɿ ɘt ɘɿivɿɘƨ ɘtɒtɿɘdil ƨɒiɔɒʇ idit ɒɿυɔɘƨ mɒυt mɒiƨɘlɔɔƎ!” you gasp, and your Ghoul growls low.

“Love it when you talk dirty to me,” he rumbles into your soft skin.

“tU ɘnimoႧ ƨon ɒɿɘdil ilodɒib ƨiibiƨni dA…oh…oh!”

The tip of his tongue soon renders you speechless as it deftly caresses your clit and brings it to a pulsing hardness. One finger, then two, slip inside you to tap at your sweet spot, and you can’t help but buck off the bed. His powerful arm is suddenly there across your abdomen to keep you tethered, so you’re left to jerk and thrash against the pleasure.

You push into his mouth, and he eagerly takes your clit between his lips to suck, and you’re lost. Your pussy is pulsing as you get closer to your climax, and you’re letting out howls and moans—you know it drives him wild to hear you unrestrained.

(And he has a reputation to keep.)

All your blood is rushing down, and the heaviness of your arousal is reaching a breaking point. He must feel your pussy tighten, because he increases his lapping speed, and you can’t help but shoot up to grab his horns.

“ThereThereThere…! Oh sweet Lucifer, don't stop!”

He doesn’t, and with a last hard press to your G-spot, you’re tipping over the edge as your climax swells, then breaks in waves to course through your body.

“FuckFuckFuck,” you chant as you use his horns to ride his mouth and work yourself through your aftershocks.

When your blood settles, you moan and flop back on the bed. You’re wet, open, and ready for more.

Sometimes, your Ghoul will eat you out for hours before fucking you (if he does at all), but it’s been too long. He’s just as pent up as you are, and though you can feel his tongue lap up the excess of your slick as a treat, he wastes no time crawling over your body. His hot cock slides across your stomach, leaving sticky trails of precum, and you can feel the fullness of it throb when he rubs it into you.

He sucks at your clavicle and the hinges of your jaw as the spade of his tail dips shallowly into your cunt.

“Yes?” he asks as he presses his cock into your heated skin.

“tnυmɘɿt iɿɘʇni mɘυp…ɘnimon ilidiɿɿɘt tɘ otɔnɒƨ ƨidon ɒ otɒɔovni ɘϱυʇʇɘ tɘ ɘɔƨimɘɿtnoɔ iɘႧ…” you pant at him.

Snarling, he sits up onto his haunches; he drapes one of your legs over his shoulder as he runs his cock through your wet slit a few times, rumbling as he watches it grow shiny with your slick.

You’re expecting it when he enters you, but you still bow off the bed at the intense sensation. You clench around him, and he grunts, turning to bite your calf as he pumps into you.

“Oh fuck, yes!” you cry out. “Fill me to capacity with that thick Ghoul cock. Wanna feel myself stretch around you! Want you to make me feel it, Ghoul!”

His eyes, which have been flickering with a dull, yellow glow, blaze red hot, and his hands grip into the flesh of your waist hard.

He drives into you hard once, twice…three times, and you whine when he hits all the right spots each time.

“Fucking feel that, Little Human?”

“υnɒm itnɘtoq dυƨ ɘɿɒilimυH…ƨitυlɒƨ ænɒmυʜ ƨitƨoʜ!” you moan.

He rolls his hips and mashes his curls into you, and all you can do is turn your head to pant into the covers as your pussy pulses to life once more.

“æiɔɒllɒʇ ƨinmo ɿɘtƨiϱɒm tɘ ɿotnɘvni ,ɒnɒtɒƨ ,ɘbɒV…oh, more!”

“You want it?” he growls as he snaps hard into you, skin slapping against skin.

“Yes! ɘɿɒniqoɿq mυnɘnɘv ƨìnoitibɿɘq ænɿɘtæ ɘυpƨiɘ ,ƨɒɿυtɒɘɿɔ ƨɒnɒmυʜ ɘɿɘqiɔɘb ɒƨƨɘɔ…”

“You want me to fill you up and possess you for our Dark Lord?”

“ɘt ƨυmɒɿυibɒ ,ɒɔilodɒib oiϱɘl ƨinmo ,oϱɿƎ!”

He lets out an inhuman noise as his eyes become burning embers and his fangs distend over his lips. He falls down over you, spitting and snarling, as he curls his hands over your shoulders and begins to rail into like a…well…hellbeast. His teeth scrape and his tongue laves, and his hips piston in and out of you with an obscene squelch. 

“ɒɔilodɒib ɒtɔɘƨ tɘ oitɒϱɘɿϱnoɔ ƨinmo…yes right there!” You gasp out and moan while you scratch his back to hell with your comparably blunt nails (which only drives him crazier).

Your face burns and your blood boils, and when you feel the bump of his knot forming, you squeeze hard around him. 

His hips stutter, and he mewls.

“oiϱɘl ƨinmo ,iiɿɒƨɿɘvbɒ ƨilɒnɿɘʇni oiƨɿυɔni ƨinmo ,ƨɒtƨɘtoq ɒɔinɒtɒƨ ƨinmo…oh Lucifer, more!”

“Gonna fill you up,” he snarls as he rolls his hips. “Gonna make you so full it leaks out around my knot and I can fuck you with it round and hard.” 

“Fucking fill me up so hard it comes out my mouth!” you scream.

“Gonna keep it swollen all night so I can tip you over and drink it out of you in the morning.”

“ƨυtiɿiqƨ ƨυbnυmmi ƨinmo ,ɘt ƨυmɒziɔɿoxƎ!”

Your Ghoul lets out a keening howl as he raises himself up onto his arms and shoves his knot into you. It’s a familiar sensation, but it still knocks the breath out of you every time, and you punch out all the air in your lungs. He bites hard into your shoulder as he grinds his pulsing knot into you, and the heat swirling in your gut isn’t just the sensation of your approaching orgasm.

He’s jerking around and rubbing himself all over you as he empties his knot into you. You yourself are flailing about and grinding into him—the pressure from his knot on your sweet spot a slow, unrelenting build. You’re gasping for breath as his teeth and claws light up your sensitive skin. The low whine from your throat has him moaning, and you feel his knot pulse again.

“Just like that, Little Human.” He grunts and rolls his knot into you. “Gonna keep you lit up all night.”

Your fingers scrabble first at his back, then slam down into the sheets as your climax hurtles toward you like a runaway freight train. When you cum again—your body jerking, hot with pleasure, and your cunt unable to get away from the exquisite pressure—he just sits up and grips your waist to keep you still.

“Squeeze,” he commands, and you do, clenching your walls as tight as you can against his still rock-hard knot. He twitches, his hips jerking into you as his knot kicks again. He lets out a series of staccato grunts, but his eyes remain fixed on your sweaty face and your rolling eyes.

“Don’t forget, Little Human…” he shifts until the pressure on your G-spot sends swirling sparks behind your eyes and you thrash against the bed. “I possess you until dawn…and we’re just getting started.”

Nema

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Chapter 30

A/N:  Okay, so, special announcement.....

The President Wears Prada is ending at Chapter 35.

I know a lot of you weren’t expecting this, but that is where I have planned it to end.  It’s a natural end.  Nothing will be forced.  There’s still a lot left to go, a lot to happen with Aberdeen, Willy, and everybody else, and a lot to write about.  I haven’t written up to it yet, but I know exactly what is going to happen.  I didn’t want the end to come as a shock to you, which is why I’m announcing it now.

In the meantime, enjoy this chapter!

July 1st, 2020

Aberdeen Bloom was with William on the rooftop of his condo building.  

She’d spun a wild web of lies to make sure she could be with him after he begged to see her for Canada Day.  It was a bit awkward this year, because it landed on a Wednesday, right in the middle of the week, but she’d managed.  She’d told Kasha she was with her family.  She’d told her family she couldn’t stay the whole day, and because they spent the morning and the afternoon together already, they were okay with that.  

She was getting too good at lying.

“What are you thinking about?” William asked as they lay together on a recliner they had dragged from underneath pergolas so they could see the night sky.  Though there was too much light pollution in Toronto to see a sky full of stars, there were still some bright stars in the sky along with the glowing moon.  From all the way atop the building, they could barely hear the noise from the city below.  

She smiled.  “For the first time, nothing,” she said, cuddling her head onto his chest even more as he held her hand against her heart.  “My mind and my heart are at ease right now.”

She could feel him smile.  He liked how she felt so at east with him.  He liked how he could make her feel that way in between the stress of her job and moving forward in her career.  He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it.  “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Can I show you how much I love you?”

She raised her head from his chest to cock an eyebrow up at him.  “We’re not having sex on the roof of your condo,” she deadpanned.  

He snorted.  He didn’t blame her for thinking that’s what he wanted.  Ever since he got back to Toronto, they fell back into the habit of sneaking around.  Most of it happened at his apartment now, in between skating at Scotiabank Arena and Aberdeen telling Kasha she’d have to be there the whole day and not just the few hours when they boys were in.  “No, minskatt.  Something else.”

“What something else?”

William shifted his body so he was sitting up more, causing Aberdeen to shift too, straddling his lap to face him instead.  She ran her hands over his chest quickly before he took them, kissing them both, before she watched as he pulled his phone out of his pocket.  “You weren’t the only one I was talking to during quarantine.”

She furrowed her brows at him.  She knew he wasn’t cheating – he wouldn’t be risking her career and her reputation if he was just going to cheat on her – so she had no clue what he meant by that.  “What does that mean, exactly?”

“I thought you deserved some good news during the lockdown…quarantine…whatever,” he began.  “So I got Kyle to send me Max’s number.”

“Who’s Max?”

William rolled his eyes and giggled.  “Max Kerman, minskatt.  From the Arkells.”  He watched as her face lit up before he continued.  “He told me to tell you they’re coming out with a new album.  Well – new.  It’s, like, an acoustic album.  They’re re-imagining all of their songs as if you’re singing them around a campfire,” he explained.

“Really?” Aberdeen was excited by the news.  “That’s so cool.  I love when they do acoustic sets.”

“Mhm,” William nodded.  “They’re releasing it in August.  But they’re actually including one new song.”  He paused for dramatic effect.  “Want to hear it?”

Aberdeen’s eyes bulged out of their sockets.  “What do you mean want to hear it?  You have it?!”

William nodded.  “Max sent it to me.  I told him about how much of a fan you were, and he remembered you from the mentor’s trip, so he didn’t mind so long as we were the only ones who heard it.”

He could see her eyes light up like fireworks.  “Well—well of course!  I’m not gonna leak it!” she said as if Max were standing in front of them.  “Is it acoustic too?” she asked.  William nodded.  “What’s it about?”

“Let’s see,” he smiled, fiddling around with his phone, shaking slightly.  “I’ve listened to it once or twice.  I think it’s a love song.”

Aberdeen waited impatiently as William found the song.  He turned the audio up on his phone to the highest level as she heard Max’s voice count the beat in.  When the acoustic guitar started, she automatically fell in love with it.  Melodic, as always, sounding like a perfect Arkells song.  She swayed back and forth gently, and at that point, she saw William staring at her.  

I think about you all the time I can’t get you off my mind

Aberdeen’s body seized up immediately.  I think about you all the time.  I can’t get you off my mind.  I think about you all the time.  I can’t get you off my mind.  I think about you when I’m not even thinking.  I think about you when I’m not even thinking.

A rush of emotion flushed her entire body.  “Willy—” she tried to get out, her voice strained as she pushed away from him.

“Minskatt—” he grabbed her hands on his chest as she pushed away so she couldn’t push away any further.  “Minskatt, come on—”

“—Willy what did you do—”

“—Minskatt, minskatt shhhhh,” he cooed as he saw tears begin to fall down her cheeks.  “Minskatt, listen to me—”

“Willy,” she stressed, looking him in the eye.  “Willy, is this song about me?  About us?”

He nodded softly.  “I got him to write a song about you.  Like your dream.”

Aberdeen burst out into tears, covering her face with her hands as she sobbed into them.  William stopped the song and leaned forward to wrap his arms around her, bringing her into his chest to cry.  He held her tightly and placed a kiss on the crown of her head.  “Why are you crying, minskatt?” he asked.

She didn’t respond at first.  But when she lifted her head from his chest and wiped her eyes to be able to see him clearly, she finally did.  “Are you joking?  Why am I crying?” she asked rhetorically.  “My boyfriend just got my favourite band to write a song about me!” she exclaimed.

“But you like that I did that though, right?” he asked.

She rolled her eyes.  That at least made her smile.  “Of course I like it, you Costco hot dog,” she said, making him chuckle.  “But I don’t – how did you – I mean what – how—”

“I called Max, and I told him about how there was this girl,” William said.  “I didn’t tell him too much.  Don’t worry.  I didn’t tell him it was you.  But I told him what was important, and some things to include.  And he wrote it, and sort of filled in the rest with his own stuff.”

Aberdeen couldn’t believe what she was hearing.  William had gotten Max Kerman to write a song about her.  About them.  Without even revealing their secret.  And he’d recorded it.  Mastered it.  Put it on an Arkells album.  Would tour with it.  Sing it to crowds—

“The best part about it is whenever we hear it on the radio, we’re the only two people in the world who know it’s about us,” William said softly, looking her in the eye.

Aberdeen started crying all over again.  She let her face fall back into his chest as he held her again.  She cried her eyes out.  This was, bar none, the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for her, let alone a boyfriend.  She was so overwhelmed with emotion that she almost couldn’t handle it.  William, for his part, let her cry until she was all cried out – until she lifted her head again and wiped her eyes again too look at him.

“Can I play it?” he asked.  

She nodded her head, preparing herself.

I think about you all the time I can't get you off my mind If they only knew Who I've been talking to You got a place off the park I'll come on by after dark Was nervous then When you let me in

We were hanging at cross town parties, oh Just killing time until the main event

And it hurts All throughout my insides I couldn't stop if I tried Loving you I'll never learn So I'll call you when I'm outside You said, "The key's behind the porch light for unit two" I thought of maybe quitting But there's no quitting you

You said that the fridge is dry But you got some red, you got some white The drunks outside Singing lullabies Slow dance swaying back and forth Whispering "What's mine is yours" When you say my name Hits in a different way

You call me out when I'm talking nonsense, oh And I'll kiss you when I got nothing to say

And it hurts (oh oh oh) All throughout my insides I couldn't stop if I tried Loving you I'll never learn (oh oh oh) So I'll call ya when I'm outside The key's behind the porch light for unit two And I thought of maybe quitting But there's no quitting you

My whole life I'm scanning for the exits, oh Lying next to you I don't wanna leave

And it hurts (oh oh oh) All throughout my insides And I couldn't stop if I tried Loving you I'll never learn (oh oh oh) So I'll call ya when I'm outside The key's behind the porch light for unit two And I thought of maybe quitting But there's no quitting you There's no quitting you

By the time the song finished, Aberdeen had stuffed her face into the crook of William’s neck.  She let some last tears fall.  “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” she said in his ear.  

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, minskatt.  Jag tänker på dig när jag inte ens tanker.”

“Jag tänker på dig när jag inte ens tanker.”

***

July 10th, 2020

The NHL announced its Return to Play Plan on May 26 with 24 teams in competition for the Stanley Cup.  The tournament begins with the Stanley Cup Qualifiers, which include 16 teams paired in eight best-of-5 series and a round-robin among the top four teams in each conference to determine seeds for the Stanley Cup Playoffs. "I want to make clear that the health and safety of our players, coaches, essential support staff and our communities are paramount," Commissioner Gary Bettman said when announcing the Return to Play Plan. "While nothing is without risk, ensuring health and safety has been central to all of our planning so far and will remain so. "Let me assure you that the reason we are doing this is because our fans have told us in overwhelming numbers that they want to complete the season if at all possible. And our players and our teams are clear that they want to play and bring the season to its rightful conclusion." The format was determined in meetings of the Return to Play Committee, which included executives from the NHL and NHL Players' Association, and five players: Ottawa Senators defenseman Ron Hainsey, Edmonton Oilers center Connor McDavid, Winnipeg Jets center Mark Scheifele, Toronto Maple Leafs center John Tavares and Philadelphia Flyers forward James van Riemsdyk. The qualifiers are being held at two hub cities: the 12 Eastern Conference teams are in Toronto, and the 12 Western Conference teams are in Edmonton, also the site of the conference finals and Stanley Cup Final.  A comprehensive system for testing is in place in each hub city, and each team was permitted to travel a maximum of 52 personnel, including players, coaches and staff. "Obviously, we anticipate playing over the summer and into the early fall," Commissioner Bettman said in May.  "Obviously, these are extraordinary and unprecedented times.  Any plan for the resumption of play, by definition, cannot be perfect. And I am certain that, depending on which team you root for or which team you cover, you can find some element of this package that you might prefer to be done differently.  But we believe we have constructed an overall plan that includes all teams that, as a practical matter, might have had a chance of qualifying for the playoffs when the season was paused. And this plan will produce a worthy Stanley Cup champion who will have run the postseason gauntlet that is unique to the NHL."

***

This was Aberdeen’s second training camp for the same season.  She never thought she’d ever experience a professional sports team’s training camp in her entire life, let alone two.  But her life had taken a turn one year ago (thirteen months now, if we were really counting) when she met William at that bar and had slept with him.  Everything she had experienced this year was…surreal, to say the least.  And that was just in her personal life.  Never mind her professional life.

Although the lines were blurred these days between her personal and professional life.

At Scotiabank Arena, she knew the entire team was on the ice a few floors below Brendan’s office.  She knew Sheldon was putting them through drills, making them skate laps around the rink, shoot at the net – whatever they needed to do to feel like hockey players again.  Whatever they needed to do to go all the way.  Whatever they needed to do to win the Stanley Cup.

“Aberdeen,” she heard her name being called by Brendan.  She shot up from her seat and made her way into his office.  He looked up at her through his glasses as he continued to focus on his laptop screen.  “Close the door behind you, please.  And sit.”

Suddenly her nerves got the best of her.  He never usually needed her to shut the door unless they were talking about something confidential.  “Is everything okay?” she asked, sitting.

He sighed, taking off his glasses and laying them beside his laptop.  He took a good look at her before he began speaking again.  “Aberdeen, I’m going to ask you a serious question, and I need you to think about it before answering me.”

She gulped.  “Okay…”

“Do you want to come into the bubble?”

She was shocked.  He hadn’t spoken to her about the bubble yet, and on the first instance he did, he was asking her to go into it.  This was a grand total of three days before the clubs had to submit the final list of the 52 personnel who would be going in, so she was sure she wasn’t being considered anyway.  “Me?”

He nodded.  “You’d fulfill roles for both Kyle and I, and you would be helping the content creator with the social media aspect of the bubble,” he explained.  “But Kyle and I were speaking, and as we were going through the list of employees to bring, your name came up.”

“I…me?”

“You’re reliable.  Your hard-working.  We know you’re not going to break any rules.  And fuck, there’s some extensive rules,” he picked up a heavy duotang, wagged it at her, before plopping it down on his desk again.  “But it’s going to be tough going in there.  Psychologically.  It’s not going to be easy.  Especially if we go all the way.  And believe me…we want to go all the way,” he stressed.  “That’s why I want you to think about it.”

***

“Brendan asked me to be in the bubble.”

Aberdeen and William had a bad habit of asking things or blurting things out after sex while they were lying in the bed, she with her tits out, trying to catch their breaths.  When she looked over at him, his eyes were bulged out.  “What?”

“Yeah,” she nodded her head.  “He wants me to fulfill my role and help the content creator with the social media aspect.  But yeah…he wants me in there.”

Aberdeen didn’t know what she was expecting to hear from William, considering the information they already knew about the bubble and knowing that much more information was to come, but it definitely wasn’t a decisive, stern, “No.”

It was her turn to whip her head to look at him.  “Excuse me?” she asked.  “No?”

“No,” William shook his head.  “I don’t want you in there, Aberdeen.”

Aberdeen furrowed her brows, not understanding why William was acting like this and saying these things.  She shifted so she was propping herself up on her elbow.  “William…I…what?”

“You…I…listen,” he began, sighing, “as much as I love you and as much as I’m gonna miss you when I’m quarantined in there, I don’t…I don’t know if I want you being in there.  I don’t want you to experience that.”

“Why not?”

“We’ve already gotten the rules.  We can’t be in each other’s rooms.  Aberdeen, we can’t even speak in the elevators.  It’s…I don’t know if I’d be able to do all that knowing you’re there too.  But even more important than that, I don’t want you to risk anything.  Your safety, your health.”

“Willy…” she cooed, bringing an arm up to drape around him.  In turn, he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close, placing a quick kiss on her shoulder.  “I know you want me to be safe, but I’ll be safe in there.  If you’re safe, I’m safe in there too.  What’s the difference?”

William continued to shake his head.  “I don’t want you to have to go through, psychologically, what I’m gonna have to go through.”

She brought a hand between them to cup his face.  “You don’t have to be the martyr here, Willy.  It’s not like I want you to go through it either.”

William sighed, nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck.  She could feel his lips graze her skin on her neck and shoulder, but he stayed silent.  He didn’t say another word.

***

July 12th, 2020

“I’ll do it.”

“You’ll do what?”

“I’ll come into the bubble.”

Brendan looked up from his desk, finally.  He took off his glasses.  “You’re sure about this?”

“Positive.”

“Because once you say yes you can’t back out.  We have to submit the names to the NHL officially tomorrow.  And once you’re in the Royal York, you can’t leave unless it’s a family emergency – death, birth of a child—”

“I know.  I read the package,” she nodded her head.  “I understand what I’m getting myself into.  I’ll do it.”

***

July 16th, 2020

Aberdeen walked gingerly into the coffee shop Brendan had sent her to.  In the middle of a pandemic.  She understood cases were now fairly low in Ontario, but she was still apprehensive.  People shouldn’t just be…going places.  Walking into offices that weren’t their places of work or coffee shops that weren’t their regular coffee shops or grocery stores that weren’t their regular grocery stores.  Places that they didn’t know.  That they weren’t used to.

Yet here she was.

She stood at the door awkwardly.  There were exactly three spaces for indoor dining when, in regular times, she knew there would be much more.  At one table, a couple sat with masks on and coffees in front of them staring at their phones.  At another, a girl who couldn’t have been older than here was sneakily taking a Snapchat selfie.  At the third—

“Aberdeen Bloom?” the woman sitting at the table asked.  Her eyes crinkled slightly, signaling to Aberdeen that she was smiling behind her mask.  “Please, sit!” she motioned to the chair.  

“Hi,” Aberdeen said awkwardly, extending her hand but then pulling it back violently before half bowing as a form of saying hello.  She was so fucking awkward.  She didn’t even know what this was for.  “That’s me, Aberdeen Bloom.  I’m Brendan Shanahan’s personal assistant.  And your name is…”

“I’m Beth Zadakis, the major features editor of Toronto Life magazine.”

Aberdeen’s breath hitched in her throat.  She was going to fucking kill Brendan.  She was going to go back to the office and murder him in cold blood.  “It’s so nice to meet you,” she said politely, thinking about the gold-plated envelope opener in Brendan’s desk she could use to stab him.  “You’ll have to forgive me, but Brendan didn’t really give me any information about this…uh, meeting,” she said.  “What is it that he needs from you?  Or you from him?”

“Nothing, actually,” Beth’s eyes crinkled again.  “It’s actually more so about you.  Brendan tells me you’re a writer.”

Aberdeen gulped.  “I’m definitely trying to be.”

“Have you submitted to us before?”

Aberdeen nodded.  “Just to the memoirs section.  I think it was Sandy who read my work, but it was ultimately rejected.  At least, that’s who I got the email from.”

Beth nodded.  “Sandy’s actually left to take a job with The Globe and Mail.  And due to some promotions and transfers, there’s actually an opening for a contributing editor – it’s what we call our writers.”

Aberdeen knew very well what Toronto Life called their writers.  She had dreamt of seeing her name on that list for years now.  “Why…I mean—how do I factor into this?” she stuttered out.

“Brendan tells me you’re going into the NHL bubble.”

“I am.”

Beth leaned in slightly.  “We’d like for you to write a feature for the magazine about life in the bubble.  The hotel, the boys, the games – everything.  Hockey in a pandemic.  A full feature, anywhere between five to ten thousand words.”

Aberdeen’s body felt like it was on fire.  She was sure her eyes were bulging out dramatically, but at this point, she didn’t care.  “I can do that,” she said, nodding her head.  “I can do that.”

“If you can pull it off, Aberdeen, you’ve got a job with the magazine.”

Her heart fluttered in her chest.  “I can do it.  I won’t let you down.”

Beth shifted slightly in her seat and took out a piece of paper.  “I’m going to write you the name and contact information of my senior editor, Alec,” she said.  “He’ll want to meet you and speak to you about the piece.  But it’s a go, Aberdeen.”

***

“A major feature, minskatt?” William’s eyes lit up at the news Aberdeen had just shared, her giddiness and excitable energy rubbing off on him quickly.  “That sounds important.”

“Is is important!  It’s the longest feature of the magainze!  Willy, it’s usually the cover!” she exclaimed.  “The—the cover!  Do you know how much of a big deal that is?!”

“I can tell from how much you’re freaking out about it,” he smiled.  He reached to grab her hands and intertwined their fingers.  He pushed them and crossed them at the small of her back before moving closer to her body and giving her a quick kiss.  “Look at you, minskatt.  I’m so proud of you.”

“Well, I haven’t written it yet.”

“Yeah, but you’ve shown me your writing.  And it’s fantastic.  So you’re gonna knock this one out of the park.”

Aberdeen knew how lucky she was to have someone like William in her life, always supporting her and always being her biggest cheerleader.  While other people had told her to pursue other things, he was there encouraging her – the silent support she always wanted and needed.  “I love you.  D’you know that?” she asked tenderly, looking up at his big blue eyes.

He could only smile.  “Not as much as I love you.”

She chuckled slightly.  “You realize if I knock this out of the park, that means I become a contributing editor at the magazine.  I become a writer.  My dream.  And that means I leave the Toronto Maple Leafs.”

“That means I can finally kiss you in public.”

Aberdeen smiled.  It did mean he could finally kiss her in public.  It meant a lot of things.  They could finally be open with their relationship.  They could go out on dates publicly.  They could go out to dinner.  She could bring him to San Remo Bakery.  They could have picnics in the park.  They could walk along the lake.  They could post on Instagram about each other.  She could finally have the name set as ‘William Nylander’ on her phone as opposed to ‘Head Empty’ (maybe she’d keep it that way).  They could do so much.  So so so much.  “It would be bittersweet leaving…” she bit her lip.  “I mean…I love my job, Will.  I love all the guys.”

“Brendan wouldn’t have put you up for the job if he didn’t think it would be a great opportunity for you,” he shrugged his shoulders.  “The guys would miss you but they know you want to become a writer.”

“But what if I can’t deliver?”

William shook his head.  “Brendan wouldn’t have put you up for the job if he didn’t think you’d be able to deliver, either, minskatt,” he said.  “I know you can do it.  We all do.”

***

July 17th, 2020

“You must be Aberdeen Bloom,” Alec Young said with no hint of any emotion in his voice as Aberdeen stood in the doorway of his large, expansive office.  As per COVID-19 protocols, there were very few people in, but apparently Alec was important enough to be in the offices working instead of working from home.  She imagined he had piles and piles of articles to edit for future issues.  She was surprised he even had time for her – granted, it was a quick lunchtime visit, but still.

“Yes sir, that’s me,” she nodded quickly, clutching her purse handles in her hands.  

“Beth tells me you’re going to be writing a feature for us, possibly,” he said.  “About the NHL bubble.”

“That’s the plan, sir, yes.”

He eyed her.  “Sit.  And close the door behind you.”

Aberdeen did as she was told, sitting in the plush chair more than six feet away from his desk – his office was that big.  She settled in but he made her wait as he typed away furiously into his laptop before he finally stopped and turned towards her.  “She told you the length?”

“Yes.  5,000-10,000 words.”

“And what we’re looking for?”

Aberdeen furrowed her brows slightly.  “I…I assume about life in the bubble.  Playing professional sports during a pandemic,” she said.

That was when he smiled.  “No Miss Bloom.  We’re looking for…more.”

“More?”

He clasped his hands together on his desk.  “We know what hockey players are like, Miss Bloom.  You’ve been working for the team for about a year now, right?  I’m sure you’ve seen the shenanigans they get up to.”

“Shenanigans?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.  The booze, the drugs, the women.  They’re professional athletes,” he said.  Aberdeen thought back to a hotel visit in Calgary where she found Mitch Marner and Jake Muzzin playing mini-sticks in the hotel hallway like they were a peewee team on their first-ever road trip; she also thought back to the snowball fight a bunch of them had in Montreal where they were giggling like schoolgirls while also deliberately aiming for each other’s nuts.  If Alec only knew.  “That’s what you’re covering for us.  The shenanigans.  Sneaking women into the bubble, the fights, the booze – everything.”

“I…” she began to protest, not knowing which words should come out of her mouth first.  “They’re…they’re nothing like that anymore.  They’re just not,” she said.  Alec looked unconvinced.  “These are guys that are bringing their gaming consoles into their rooms at the Royal York.  They’re worried about the wifi being too weak when everyone’s gaming that it’s gonna lag or something.  They’re not sneaking in women—and drugs?  I don’t even know where to—”

“Listen,” Alec said firmly, holding his hand up to get her to stop talking.  “Either you get us the scoop, or you don’t.  If you get it, you have a job here, and the guarantee that your article will be on our cover and be front page on the magazine racks and newsstands.  If you don’t get the scoop, you don’t get the job.  It’s up to you.”

Aberdeen thought back to when Mike Babcock got fired.  She thought back to getting called by Brendan late at night and less than an hour and a half later she was on the MLSE private jet.  She thought back to just before going into the locker room, and what Kyle had said to her.  “You know Aberdeen, Brendan trusts you.”  She thought back to what he said after he thanked her for not leaking the information.  “You could have sold that information to any newspaper or reporter and they would have offered you a job.  But you didn’t.”

She remembered what she told him.  “I would never burn this bridge.  I’d never sell Brendan or the team out like that for personal gain.”

And then, what Kyle followed up with.  “This city is rife with opportunity for people who take advantage of others.  But you’re not like that – at least yet.”

That was before everything.  Before she had sex with William.  Before she carried on a secret relationship with him behind everyone’s back.  Before she started lying to everybody.  Had she changed?  Was she a person, now, who would take advantage of others?  Would she take advantage of the organization that had given her so much for her dream job in writing?  Was she that person?  A person who would lie to get what she wanted?  Fabricate entire stories just to secure a dream job?

The answer, to her, was immediate.

No.

But she looked at Alec.  “I understand,” she said instead.

He smiled.  “Good.”

[hopelesshawks]

Physical Fatality Part 7- Good For You

18+ Hawks x fem, pro hero!reader

Summary: You’re a rising star in All Might’s agency. Hawks is the darling of Endeavor’s. By virtue of your job descriptions, the two of you are supposed to hate each other, or at the very least be cautiously neutral. For a long time that’s exactly what the two of you did. You stayed out of each other’s way and formed little opinion of the other. One fateful night at an HPSC gala changes all that. Based on the album Hopeless Fountain Kingdom by Halsey.

If you don’t want to see Physical Fatality content blacklist #hopelesspf

This story will have multiple NSFW parts so it is 18+ ONLY minors dni

Warning for alcoholism

Masterlist

The next month or so is pure bliss. With Hawks fully committed the weird moments of distance have stopped and with them so has the fighting. Not to say that it’s easy, task force work has meant some nights where you have to sleep in different cities or you work opposing shifts so you don’t have time to see each other. Even still, the two of you make it work.

Hawks is good for you. Your nightly routine used to almost always involve at least a few drinks. At first it was a way to keep nightmares away, then it was a way to cope with Monoma’s criticisms, and eventually it became a habit. Now your nightly routine has joint showers or bubble baths, music playing over speakers, gentle kisses and even gentler touches. One night, after you mentioned that your mother’s favorite song had been Put Your Head On My Shoulder by Paul Anka, Hawks had insisted on putting it on and slow dancing around your kitchen. Mina had walked in on the two of you and absolutely swooned at the sight. You’d sworn her to secrecy but the minute she realized Bakugo also knew she’d begged Kirishima for Bakugo’s number so she could gush about how precious you and Hawks are. The explosive blonde doesn’t appreciate Mina’s excessive messaging but he puts up with it because in all honesty he and Midoriya are both proud of you. So proud, in fact, that they brought a cupcake with a little candle on it to work for you to celebrate one month of sobriety. You mostly certainly did not cry no matter what anyone else says.

You’re good for Hawks too. For once he’s appreciating life outside of work. He looks forward to the moment he can sneak into your apartment or you his, and just spend time together just the two of you. It’s to the point where he just doesn’t sleep the same when you’re not in his arms. He loves collecting little facts about you, like how you look first thing in the morning and what you like for breakfast and what playlist you listen to when you’re getting dressed. He wants to catalogue every tiny detail about you. He wonders if, under normal circumstances, you’d like PDA. If he didn’t work for Endeavor and you didn’t work for All Might would you love holding his hand or let him wrap his arm around you as you walked? With each passing day Hawks hates more and more the fact that he can’t announce his love for you to the world. He takes what can get and enjoys the stolen moments, but not being able to enjoy casual affection with you outside of the task force and the privacy of your own homes is difficult. Which is probably why, when he spots you walking towards All Might’s agency as he’s flying there himself, he decides another stolen moment can’t hurt.

He spots an alley a little ahead of you and decides to drop in for one last stolen moment before you shift into work mode. As he lands he sends a couple feathers to you to let you know where he is. You follow them into the alley and the moment you’re in view Hawks reaches out to grasp your forearm and pull you into him, pressing a kiss to your lips. You sink into it for a moment as Hawks wraps his arms around your waist but then you gently push him back. “What if someone sees?” you ask, looking back behind you out towards the street, but Hawks gently grasps your chin and turns you back to face him. “No one will see Dove,” he assures you before pressing you to the wall to kiss you again. You have to admit it’s hard to say no when he’s on you like this so you relax into it and let yourself just enjoy the affection and his gentle touches. You feel your phone buzz in your pocket and pull away to check it, finding a text from Midoriya letting you know he would be getting to the agency soon. “We should go,” you tell Hawks. “I don’t want to though,” he whines. You roll your eyes and push him back gently. “Come on, we’ve got hero work to do,” you laugh and Hawks relents, aware that you’re right and these stolen moments can’t last forever. But as he watches you walk out the alley he’s struck with the thought that he’s really sick of the secrecy. He’ll tell Endeavor after the meeting, he decides, and then tonight he’ll talk with you about it.

Tokoyami has finally confirmed that the group he’s been following were the culprits behind the attempted attack. He was able to link a few members to maintenance workers on shift the night in question and then cross checked their identities against security cam footage. It was still unclear who was running the whole operation so there was certainly more work to be done and you all would have to tread carefully in your surveillance from now on, but at least it’s clear who to watch. The meeting ends after all of you have hashed out a new surveillance schedule. As everyone gets ready to head out Hawks stops you. “Hey, I need to swing by Endeavor’s, but afterwards can we talk?” he asks. “Sure. Mina is having people over so I’ll meet you at your place,” you reply easily. “Great, I’ll catch you later,” Hawks says before leaving the room. He mentally prepares himself for whatever the fallout with Endeavor will be as he heads out the building and then takes off to the other side of town.

He didn’t expect to be nervous standing outside Endeavor’s office. He didn’t need Endeavor’s approval to date you and he was well aware that Endeavor was typically anything but rational when it came to All Might and all those associated. Still, a traitorously optimistic part of him wants his loyalty to Endeavor to be rewarded with acceptance of his love for you. He doesn’t need or want a new father, but he won’t deny the somewhat paternal nature of his relationship with his mentor. So maybe that’s why he has to take a deep breath to steel himself before he reaches up and knocks on Endeavor’s door.

“Come in,” comes the gruff voice from behind the door. Hawks walks in to find Endeavor sitting at his desk leafing through the day’s incident reports. “I need to talk to you about something important,” Hawks states, not bothering to beat around the bush. “What is it?” Endeavor asks, his eyes not straying from the papers in front of him. “I’m seeing someone,” Hawks says. “Your personal life is really none of my business Hawks.” “I’m glad you think that way because I’m seeing Artemis from All Might’s agency.” Endeavor freezes, placing the papers down and finally giving Hawks his attention. “I beg your pardon?” he asks. “I’m dating (y/n) (y/l/n), aka Artemis, of All Might’s agency,” Hawks repeats. “I put you on that task force to catch terrorists not flirt with our rivals.” “She and I met before the formation of the task force. Both of us being assigned to it was a coincidence.” “Really?” “Really.” “I don’t believe you Hawks.” “I can tell you the whole story if you want?” “Very well.”

And that’s exactly what Hawks does. He tells a, PG-13, version of you and his love story from that first fateful moment he talked to you at the gala to today, and all the beautiful moments in between. That optimistic part of him hopes that maybe, if Endeavor just understands how much he loves you, then maybe he won’t freak out over this. “You really love her don’t you? More than those other women?” Endeavor asks and Hawks feels a glimmer of hope as he replies “I do,” without a second thought. He doesn’t know how exactly he expected Endeavor to react. He certainly wasn’t expecting the reaction he got. “I thought you were smarter than this Hawks,” Endeavor sighs. “Excuse me?” Hawks asks. “I should have known a young, pretty upstart from his agency would pull something like this. Hawks she’s using you,” Endeavor insists. Hawks reels back as if struck and immediately he’s filled with an anger he’s never felt for his mentor before. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he warns icily. “If she’s so in love with you why all the secrecy?” Endeavor presses. “She got out of an engagement to Monoma recently and she can’t afford a bad headline,” Hawks defends. “Or is it that she doesn’t want the press to find out she’s using you. Awfully convenient isn’t it? That she didn’t leave her fiancé until after she had usurped him in the hero rankings.” “It isn’t like that, she didn’t even know who I was when we met.” “Don’t be so naive. How could she not know it was you Hawks? How many other heroes do you know with bright red wings.” Hawks doesn’t have a response for that. It’s a good point. He hates that it’s a good point. “I think she clocked you at the gala, then decided to further capitalize when she realized you were also on the task force. I know my son and his friends may have convinced you that the feud is only in my and All Might’s heads now, but I assure you it is alive and well amongst the vast majority of the heroes in our agencies. Lose the girl, Hawks,” Endeavor insists. “And if I say no?” Hawks asks, and he can feel his heart breaking because Endeavor has a point but he wants so desperately for him to be wrong. “If you say no then I’ll know you’re compromised and will have no choice but to pull you from the task force and reconsider your current position within this agency. I wouldn’t be able to trust you not to leak information to Artemis. Have I made myself clear?” “Crystal.” “Good. I’ll see you tomorrow Hawks.”

Hawks turns and leaves in a fog. Is it possible Endeavor is right? Has this been a game to you this whole time? He thought it himself that first day of the task force, the lower ranks of both agencies are still deeply entrenched in the rivalry. That had been your day-to-day up until what, a year ago? Of course you’d be more likely to believe in the rivalry and the stereotypes than Bakugo and Midoriya. And sure, it made sense that you would want to keep the relationship a secret when barely a day had passed since your broken engagement but it’s been months now. Surely if you care as deeply for him as he does you, you’d be eager to let the world know. Surely sufficient time has passed for the two of you to declare your love without you taking heat for it. Not to mention that Endeavor is right about Hawks’ identity not exactly being a secret in any scenario precisely because of his wings. There’s no way you couldn’t have known who he was, so why pretend as if you didn’t if not to take advantage of him? The questions turn over and over in Hawks’ head as he makes his way home. Even once there he paces his living room trying to find any way for all the pieces to fit together that doesn’t point to you using him. If things were different, Hawks may have played things out anyway, let himself cautiously believe in your love and wait for a betrayal. But Endeavor had made it clear that continuing his love affair with you would have dire consequences for his career and if you don’t love him all he’ll have left is his career.

There’s a knock on the door.

It’s you.

Of course it’s you....

He had almost forgotten he asked you to talk after he ran his errand at Endeavor’s agency. He was hoping for more time but he supposes now is as good a time as any to rip off the bandage. God his heart hurts. His heart hurts so goddamn much but he knows what he has to do.

He should’ve known better than to believe in fairytales.

He opens the door for you and immediately you can tell something’s wrong. “Hey I uh tried calling to double check if you were home yet but you weren’t picking up so I just swung by,” you explain sheepishly, the weird energy coming from Hawks making you anxious. “We need to talk,” Hawks says and the way he says it is ominous. You can feel your heart sinking and you hate it. What went wrong? Just this morning things were perfect. “I can sometimes treat the people that I love like jewelry,” Hawks admits, but he won’t look at you as he does so. “What does that mean Kei? What’s going on?” you ask and Hawks flinches when you reference his real name. He’s never done that before. You just want to understand what’s going on in that head of his but he’s blank in a way you haven’t seen in a long time. “I try them on and change my mind each day about them. I didn’t mean to try you on (y/n), it just happened,” he confesses. Your heart sinks even further.

It’s a lie. It’s a lie. It’s a lie. It was true of the previous women he’d dated, yes, but the reason he knows that now is precisely because it was always different with you. He knows your birthday and your mother’s favorite song. You know his past and real name. God he hates this but he always does it. He runs away when things are good because he’s scared of what will happen and he always has regrets afterwards. Not this time, he reminds himself, because you’ve been faking this whole time. And of course you were. He never understood the way you laid your eyes on him in ways that no one else ever could. Never understood how you could see past the broken pieces of him. “I don’t love you anymore,” he lies and each word is ash on his tongue and he needs to see your reaction now so he can know he did the right thing. He needs the final confirmation of your betrayal. But oh how wrong he is. When he finally looks at you his heart fractures far worse than if Endeavor were right, because you look how he feels right now. God you look absolutely crushed. But it’s not like he can take anything he’s said back now. It’s too late. It’s too late and so it seems he’s broken your heart and his own. His ignorance and faith in Endeavor have struck again. He failed to see or believe that you loved him as much as you claimed and now he’s torn you open.

“I’m sorry,” he says but he doesn’t elaborate on what he’s sorry for. He knows you’ll fill in the blanks incorrectly but it’s what he deserves for having such little faith in you. You’ll think he’s sorry for falling out of love with you but that’s not it at all. He’s sorry that he can’t believe that anybody ever really falls in love with him. He’s sorry he was so blind he couldn’t see that there was no way you could ever be faking what the two of you had. He didn’t mean to leave you and all of the things the two of you had behind, but it’s too late now to take it back. “Keigo please,” you beg and you sound small and broken in a way he has never once seen you. “Someone will love you (y/n), but someone isn’t me,” he says and it’s the final nail in a coffin of his own creation. “Fuck you Hawks,” is the last thing you spit out before storming out of his apartment. Someone will love you, he assures himself. It hurts now but someday, someone will love you that deserves you. That someone just isn’t him it seems. He keeps trying to convince himself of that as he numbly goes to his empty bed.

You don’t remember anything about the walk home. You move as if through a void, nothing else around you, nothing else matters. All that you can feel and perceive is the pain in your chest. How could he just fall out of love with you? You know his love was genuine, you know it from the bottom of your heart because he wasn’t lying about no one knowing his real name. He wasn’t lying about his past being a secret. Yet he had trusted you with all of it. So why was he abandoning you now? It doesn’t make sense. None of it does. All you know is that it fucking hurts. When you finally get to your apartment, you ignore Mina and her company and head straight for your kitchen, grabbing a bottle of liquor you can’t even bother to properly identify before heading to your room and locking yourself in. You sit down on your bed and the pain is still hollowing you out so you drink.

And you drink.

And you drink...

Author’s Note: I’m so sorry

Taglist [open]: @akkaso @cathy8taffy @eeppff @iikillerkitteh @pixelwisp

[lynsburner]

would love to know what the original plans were for the live in dublin recording, its so strange to me that they did nothing with it

It really is. Also, my apologies, because now I'm going to use this ask to say way too much about what I think happened.

Ok, so I have a few theories…..

It was recorded solely for archival/marketing/personal use. Like never meant to be sold, but a “let’s remember this” or a “hmmm it’s good to have at least one show professionally recorded, esp our biggest venue” that way they can use it for marketing materials (to advertise the next tour/album, like how they put the humors of whiskey on tik tok a little while ago in like full HD). Not meant to be sold as a tour movie. I know this sounds far-fetched but this happens with live events all the damn time. You couldn’t even imagine how many performances are recorded just for marketing materials/B-roll (albeit I worked in more of the theatrical sector of live events, but still, live events) that never sees the light of day. Plus, remember how that one festival filmed his whole set and put it up only for a few days? Things get filmed all the time not specifically meant to be sold. Also, maybe they just wanted it filmed for the band/crew/whoever worked on it as a keepsake? (ok now that's a stretch but still a possibility)

2. It was supposed to be a tour movie, with the intention to be sold/streamed, which separates into my subsections of:

Was meant to be sold/go to a streaming service but contracts fell through. The distribution of live performances is a complicated process due to contractual issues (do the musicians have a union? Who gets a cut? Etc…..). So, by the time things got going, they thought it was too late to sell (we are in 2021), and they scrapped the idea and are rethinking it for the next tour. Plus, they now have footage of what a bigger venue tour might look like to plan the production design for the next one. (which, can also fit into my archival theory)

Hozier might have just might not liked his performance. It was the last show, and while they were in the biggest venue, the energy is kind of small (that’s not to say they were bad, not at all, just exhausted). Thought it wasn’t worth selling/even showing, so it got scrapped and now lives on the hard drive of whoever uploaded it. Someone also pointed out on Twitter that the venue itself isn’t too great in terms of filming/sound, so that might have also been a factor in not wanting to, well, sell it.

By the time they actually got around to editing it, thanks to the pandemic, Hozier was already working on new music, so it could’ve been seen as too old by his team. This also leads into my next point of

It was meant to be sold but now they’re only using it as assets for marketing/archival (hence that humors of whiskey tik tok) and probably to announce the next tour like a little video or something

Also, not to add this in, but it’s kind of weird how like in 2020 when everyone is home and surely no one knew when they were playing live next, they could’ve maybe got an editor looking for work, put this up for like a small fee and donated all the money to group helping struggling artists/live even crews during the pandemic.

But then that goes back to contracts…. Was this meant to be seen… did he want this to be seen… etc… it’s more than just “lol someone leaked it!!!” Or “I can’t believe they hid this from us!!!”

Like an ogre, or an onion, it’s got layers.

I mean, the cut was clearly rough. The edits were… not great. Someone said it looks like interviews might be missing between songs to make it more concert movie? Movement was straight up silent, and I’m not sure if that was a copyright-related thing. Plus, who even leaked it in the first place??? No one outside of stan social media really was really begging for it (it git maybe 2k views max the last time I saw it)??? The world may never know!!!!

And now, watch, once I say this, it’ll be released tomorrow officially lol

Again, sorry for the long response. As someone who has worked (thank you, pandemic) and will hopefully in the future work in entertainment in all its many forms), it's fun to think about things from more of a business/administrative perspective? IDK if that all makes sense!

Anyway, I hope this doesn't come across as pretentious. Also, no shade to whoever downloaded it while it was up (I have it somewhere on my computer lol), especially if he does not tour to your area/country!!!!!

[emisonme]

PR time line.............

Some can't seem to understand, how Shmila could have helped Camila get out of the PR with the con man. Let's explore the time line and maybe you'll have a better understanding of where I'm coming from.

Camila's debut album, had an original release date, of September 2017. She would have signed a PR contract with Ew, probably late August. These PR contracts are usually for a period of time, but the start and end dates, are flexible, because of the release dates of the Artists music being flexible.

Camila probably found out, sometime in late August, that her release date was being pushed, to November. That's why she followed the con man on SM, in October. They were preparing to unleash the PR, after the release of her album, in probably early December. Just in time for the holidays.

But, her album got pushed, yet again. The new date was January 12, 2018. She does the Elvis Duran radio show, on January 11. That is the first time we hear her or anyone else, utter that fuckers name.

The next morning, she does GMA. They schedule Con to appear on the same show. Why? To give us a PUBLIC reason for them meeting and the ensuing "relationship".

Three days later, Camila does Beats 1, with Zane Lowe. That's when we got the "maybe" when asked if she had a special someone in her life. Also, the whole, "I can't say your name without smiling" bullshit.

Then on February 9. 2018, we got the E-News exclusive Mexico beach photo-shoot. That's the day the actual PR began. They had signed the actual contract, MONTHS before, but because the album kept getting pushed, so did the start date for the PR.

That being said, I'm almost certain, they only signed a 1 year contract. I'll explain. We got their one year of public bullshit, but it really got laid on thick towards the end. If you notice, they did the same thing with Lauren and Tyrone. (It stayed pretty much SM until closer to the end, when they started doing red carpets and showing up to Industry events together.)

They did the "family" holiday thing, with both families, in December and January. Then on February 1, we got the pap pics of them leaving the movies, where Camila looks upset, and Con looks pissed. We also get turfers and "fans" taking to SM saying they had been arguing and Camila had been crying. That was the start of the "trouble in paradise" narrative.

The 10th was the Grammy's. After that, they both left for Dubai, and Camila's performance at Red Fest. They spent a few days hobnobbing around the Arabian Desert, taking lots of pics. Supposedly all happy. Then on February 25, Camila took his ass to that Vanity Fair shin-dig. That was their supposed public coming out, together. Camila had zero desire to be there with that fucker, and it showed.

Then, we got Camila's birthday post, on March 3. The things she learned when she was 21. A very interesting post, indeed. Number three, on that list, was talking about how complicated life and relationships are. How the right opportunity comes at the wrong time, and having to do something hard and uncomfortable, to be happy. (yeah, like PR)

Then she talks about how falling in love is the best thing ever. That leads us to number 8. There she says, life is to short, to hang with people you don't like, be in relationships with people that don't make you happy, or do things you hate. (yeah, like PR with an asshole)

Then MFP was released on March 25. In a song, with a video dedicated to people in relationships, Camila tells the world, she dedicated MFP to her favorite person, her little sister. (that's so sweet...but also very telling)

Why are those two things important? Because I firmly believe, the "split" announcement, and the official end to her PR, was supposed to happen in March.

So, what happened? Just like there is no official start date in a PR contract, there isn't an official end date, either. It's just a suggested time frame, of 1 year, 2 years, 3 years, etc. There are no hard dates built in, because in the Music Industry, everything is about timing.

Here's how I think it was supposed to go down. I think the announcement was supposed to come, just before the release of MFP. That would have explained the dedication to her sister, and would have given that song more promo.

But probably more importantly, It would have been perfect timing for FYA, if things had played out the way they were supposed to play out. She recorded that song with Mark, back in January. I think FYA was the song Mark was planning to release, with the pre-order link, which was on April 12. It would have been the best song to release with the link, and a public "split" would have been perfect timing for the release with the pre-order link. It would have gotten a shit load of media attention.

Instead, Epic got pissed, because Camila wasn't doing what they wanted her to do. It wasn't a damn song with Canada, Camila didn't want to do. She's game to collab with Canada, and just about anyone else who wants to collab with her. It was a PR relationship with him, they wanted her to agree to, but she didn't want to do.

When are some of you going to open your eyes and realize that. Her and Canada are real life friends. She'd probably agree to release a collab a year with him, if that's what he wanted. It's just music. A PR relationship, on the other hand, is a completely different story.

Epic, Island, and maybe Andrew, didn't JUST want a song. They wanted that song, to come with the bullshit we are getting now. Camila agreed to the song, but not the PR. So, what did Epic do? They delayed the official "split" with the dickhead.

Camila bought her house in April. They delayed the announcement of the purchase, until May 13, and had his name inserted into the damn article. Making it sound like she was going to be sharing her house with his ass. Did he ever step foot in her house?

Camila went to Italy in early May. They made it look like he went with her. He may have been there, but he didn't go "with" Camila. He was there to promote one of his books. She was there to get away from all the bullshit. They did have her walk through the airport with him, when they arrived back to LA, on May 12. The 13th, we got the article about the house. May 14, was the last pics we got of the two together.

On May 20, Camila posted one of the saddest pics, I've seen. You could tell, she was anything but happy. That's the day they want us to believe Ewmila "broke up". So, what could have happened between their supposed happy romantic trip to Italy, and the 20th? Absolutely nothing...with Ewmila. They were nothing to each other. Camila just wanted that motherfucker out of her life.

On May 24, we got the post saying, "the calm before the storm, with the 6 tornado emoji's. 4 days, after that very sad looking pic, she warned us this shitshow was coming.

On May 27, we got the pics of Camila and Canada eating outside, and the first media hits, asking "are they dating". Publicist planted that shit. May 30, FYA was released. June 8, Camila went to perform on stage with Alejandro Sanz, with no con artist in sight. June 18, she went to have her little chat at Cannes. She posted a pic, with the caption, "looks put together on the outside, but a mess on the inside". (or something close to it) That's also the day we got the first teasers of Senorita. The song and video was released on the 21st. Nothing but PR bullshit after that.

That's the time line, of how all this shit went down. That sad emotional pic, on the 20th, was a genuine sadness. She was an emotional mess, and NOT because of a "break-up". I think, that is the day, she gave in to the pressure, and made the decision to do the PR with Canada.

She wanted out of that PR shitshow with dickhead. The Label could have kept it going, as long as the dickhead agreed to keep it going, and why wouldn't he. It was getting him the attention he wanted. He didn't give a shit, it was causing her anxiety and emotional distress. (Matthew Hussey is a NARCISSISTIC PRICK, that's all about himself. The Label didn't give a shit, either. They just wanted their artist to do what they wanted her to do. IN MY OPINION!!!)

It really doesn't take that long to record and master a single. By the time they were seen eating together, on the 27th, they had probably already recorded the song, and were discussing the visuals for the video. They filmed it the first week of June or so.

I'm pretty sure, in my thoughts, that Camila only agreed to do this shit, if it was the song of her choice, the video visuals of her choice, and her team doing it. The song she chose, was HER song, Señorita. It wasn't difficult to figure out who that song was about. That's why Epic wouldn't allow her to release it, on her own. But, in a duet with Canada, they were fine with it.

This was all decided on, and done very quickly. That's how they were able to keep it a "secret". From agreement to roll out, it was all done in a months time.

So yeah, that's how I came to my conclusion, that Canada actually "helped" her get out of her PR shitshow with the Con man. How it was her song that was chosen. Her Label was pressuring her, to do this PR stunt with Canada, since 2018. Island and Epic, both wanted it. The song was just the pathway to get the PR started.

Camila is getting shit on, for something BOTH sides were pressuring and down right manipulating/coercing her to do. SHE DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT!!! Canada didn't really want to do it, either. But he's so damn scared of getting publicly outed, and it ruining his career, that he was willing to do anything to keep that from happening.

The only BAD GUYS, in all this shit, is Epic, Island, Andrew, and Roger. THEY are the ones so hell bent on keeping their clients "straight", and making a shit load of money off them, while they are being locked in their glass closet.

Roger should have put his foot down, and told Epic to make the public announcement, of the "split" back in May. Hell, he should have "leaked" the shit himself, on the 20th, when Camila posted that pic, if nothing else. That's why I place blame on him, for the way Camila is being portrayed by others.

The Sun, had the information for a while. They were told to sit on that information, until Epic was ready for the public announcement to be made. That's why the report started with, "I can reveal ...". Not, "this just in", or "Sources have confirmed", but "I can reveal".

The definition of reveal, for those who aren't sure...reveal: make (previously unknown or secret information) known to others....Yep, they sat on the info, until they were told to "reveal" it.

Agree or not, believe or not, that's my take on all this shit. This is how my mind connected all the fucked up dots.

[tnystrk-exe]

Learning to Live 3

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

“I’m going to be a ‘venger daddy,” Ro told him over their morning breakfast of Saturday morning cartoons and cereal.

“Are you?”

“Yep! I wanna be like you daddy.” She reached into his bowl and stole his star shaped marshmallows. “I’m gonna fight the monsters and keep you safe like you keep everyone else safe.”

The thought of that made Tony panic. He couldn’t imagine his little girl putting herself on the line. Hypocritical and probably a bit selfish, but the way he saw it, he risked it all so she didn’t have to. “You can be better than me, kiddo.”

Ro looked at him, the most confused look on her face. “But daddy, you’re the bestest! Ever!”

“I don’t think so.”

“Then who? Mommy?”

“Mom is definitely the bestest.”

She moved to sit on his lap, pressing kisses to his cheeks. “You and mommy are the bestest.”

Tony moved their cereal bowls, making sure a mess wasn’t made before, wrapping his arms tightly around her. “Thank you, sweetie.”

“I love you with all my heart.” She nuzzled into his shirt, his familiar cologne making her feel safe and warm.

“All of it?” He asked, some wonder leaking into his voice. “You sure?”

“Yeah!” She looked at him, “Daddy, me and the bots have a surprise. You can’t hang out in the lab until we’re done.”

“What?”

“We have a surprise for you. Go to your room Labrat.” Ro stood up, holding her hand out to help him stand up too. Tony complied, letting her drag him up the stairs to his room. “Don’t leave okay? You and Vis can do science with the blue lights.”

Ro ran to her room, finding the miniature Christmas tree she had begged you for, it wasn’t fair that the bots didn’t have a tree and daddy spent all his time there too. She pushed the box down the hallway and rode the box like a sled down the stairs. Repeating the process again to get the lab. “Vis, open the door please?” Dum-E rolled over, picking up the box. “I need to get the decorations but you and U can start taking it all out.”

She ran up both flights of stairs, grabbing the streamers, lights, and baubles. Carefully sneaking past your bed room door. Ro could hear Tony’s snores he must have been tired. She shouldn’t wake him up when he was sleeping, but she always got so excited to hangout with him. Then again she didn’t really know if her dad ever slept.

“I’m back!” She greeted the bots. “Vis drop my needle, please.” No clue what that exactly meant, but her dad said it and music always played afterward.

“Anything miss.” Jingle Bells coming on soon after.

“I’ll put them all on and you guys can put on the decorations. It’s really fun.”

Ro sang along to the songs, the bots watching her put on the fake branches and stretching them out like you and Tony had shown her. “Dum-E I need you to pick me up.” The bot complied, picking her up by her overall straps.  She finished up, looking at her work happily. “Perfect! U, come on help big brother with the lights.”

Dum-E let her down and she started to thread the lights before passing it to U. She fit Dum-E with a Santa hat and a tinsel scarf, while the bot waited his turn. “Looks really good guys,” she said, encouragingly, “You’re doing great!”

When they finished off the lights she passed them baubles making sure they grabbed the hangers without trouble. A couple fell and shattered here and there but the crew wasn’t deterred. Dum-E wrapped tinsel around Ro, mimicking what she had done. She giggled in delight when the bot gave her a pat on the head.

“Vis! Let me talk to daddy.” She jumped up and down in excitement, broken baubles crunching under her shoes.

“Patching you through right now.”

“Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!” Ro yelled with each jump.

Tony whimpered in his sleep. Someone...something had just torn Ro away from his arms and he couldn’t move to get her. She screamed out for him, her arms reaching out. “Daddy!”

Tony shot up from the bed. His heart thumped against his chest almost painfully, he swiped at the tears on his cheeks. This was happening way too much. “Earth to Labrat, come in Labrat.”

“Hey, sorry, must have fallen asleep,” he tried to sound normal, calming himself down, “Is your surprise ready?”

“Yeah! Come down here already!”

“I’ll be there give me a second.” Tony rubbed his face. He was home. His kid was okay and very excited. You were at work. Repeat until his breathing became less erratic.

Down stairs, U pushed the star to Ro. “You can do it U.” Instead the bot pressed it against her palm. “What about you Dum-E? You wanna put it on?”

In response the older boy picked her up by the overall straps again. Ro giggled loudly, J.A.R.V.I.S. leaked the audio through the home, knowing the severity of Tony’s dreams and how the simple sound could do wonders to calm him down. Tony thanked the A.I. before walking down the steps to the lab. He was greeted by a sight that had terrified him the first go around, but became the norm. Dum-E had dropped many things. Many. But Ro never slipped from his grasp. Though when she had been six months the prospect had been terrifying. Soon enough Tony had attached a swing on the bot to entertain them both during projects he couldn’t stop working on.

Ro was being held up, attempting to get the star to balance on top. “J, take a snapshot of that won’t you?”

“Already have, sir. Multiple pictures have already been uploaded to the album.”

“Can always count on you.” He opened the door to the lab, “Okay, Rugrat what’s the surprise?”

“U! Hit the lights!” The bot plugged in the cord and Ro threw out her hands, “Tada!”

He laughed, the move was very him. Anyone tired of his antics by now wouldn’t know what would hit them come a few more years. “Sweetheart, that looks amazing. The three of you worked on this?” Tony asked, walking over to grab her from the bot still holding her in air. “How did you know I always wanted a tree down here?”

“We did the big big tree and you kissed and hugged me and mommy so much! I think you really loved trees and Dum-E and U needed one too because they can’t play upstairs. Look the hanging thingies are red and gold like you too!”

“You really did that for your old man?” He asked as he pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Thank you,” Tony patted both of the bots on their sides, “You three are the perfect team.”

“You love it?”

“I do.”

She smiled pridefully, hugging him tightly.

-

Ro and Tony had had a peaceful day in the lab with the bots. Later on he drove Ro over the the Herrera’s. The seniors missed the having the little girl around since Tony was home a lot more. Their grandchildren lived too far and Ro had basically been accepted as their grandchild as much as they had been around her. At least their little Christmas sleepover gave him time to take you out on an impromptu date.

You walked down to the lab, Tony was injecting himself in the arm. Probably that armor calling tech he had been talking about. He was taking the time to scold Dum-E and ignore J.A.R.V.I.S. safety briefing. Punching in your code, you walked into the lab.

He gestured to the suits, “Focus up, ladies. Good evening, and welcome to the birthing suit. I'm pleased to announce the imminent arrival of your bouncing, bad-ass, baby brother.” Tony turned on his heel, his eyes landing on you. “Hey, Cupcake. You came down at the perfect time. You’re in for a treat.”

You gave him a wave and leaned against the wall. Sometimes his test didn’t go to plan and like hell you were gonna get hit by a stray piece of suit.

“Start tight and go wide, stamp in time. Mark 42 autonomous prehensile propulsion suit test. Initialize sequence. J.A.R.V.I.S. drop my needle.” He danced, closing his eyes as he let the music hype him up. You laughed, zoning in on his hip movement. “I see you,” he winked at you, “I guess I know what my present will be come Valentine’s Day. What do you say?”

“I’ll look forward to it. Aren’t you going to show me Mark 42 yet?”

“Your wish.” He motioned to activate the suit. The pile in his desk doing nothing to move. “Crap.”

“Performance issues? Don’t worry honey, happens to the best of men.”

“Har, har, har, I’m getting a new girlfriend,” he teased, biting at his arm and hitting it for good measure, “You’ll miss my skills.”

“I’m sure.”

He gestured to the pile of parts. The left gauntlet and shoulder flew on to him. Tony laughed a heartbreakingly beautiful smile on his face when the right gauntlet went on without a hitch. “How’s that for ‘Performance issues’?” He asked smugly, “Alright, I think we got this. Send 'em all.” The left leg came on simply. A piece crashed into the Iron man display, another narrowly missed hitting his face. “Probably a little fast, slow it down. Slow it down just a...little bit.”

You winced as the crotch piece slammed into him, then the back. Even you had to duck to dodge a piece of the suit. Tony was pushed around by the pieces. Finally all that was left was his faceplate. It hovered. “Come on. I ain't scared of you.” The plate rushed toward flipping upside down in the process. Tony flipped to catch it, landing in a pose that would be fit for a poster. “I’m the best,” you heard the mechanical Iron Man voice proclaim.

A piece came loose from the Iron Man display and went crashing into his back. Tony was sent flying Mark 42 splayed around him. You walked over to him helping him up.

“That was a magnificent performance.”

“As always, sir, a great pleasure watching you work.”

You and the A.I. said in unison.

“The both of you have so many jokes.”

You pulled the helmet off of his head. Tony had a small cut running down the side of his mouth. “Let’s go take care of that Iron Man.”

“Are you gonna kiss it to make it feel better? Because the crotch plate really did a number there. It may be a bit bruised, may need some medical attention, don’t ya think Doc?”

“Not in your wildest dreams. Does something smell like it’s burning?”

“Only my burning hot love for you.”

Dum-E waved erratically, trying to the attention of either of you. “You got rid of his fire extinguisher?”

“He kept extinguishing me for fun,” Tony explained grabbing the fire extinguisher from under his work bench, “Doesn’t deserve that kind of power.”

You took it from him and handed it over to the bot, “Don’t listen to him. You’re doing great. Spray him some more for me.”

“Don’t encourage.”

“Come on, it’s too late for our date. Let’s make some food, get in the shower, and go to bed. You can take me out tomorrow.”

“So generous of you, allowing me to take you out.”

Tony allowed you to drag him from his lab and do with him what you wished. He knew you worried about him, he never did anything to exactly remedy the situation. So he’d go through the processes. You had more than enough stress on your plate. It wasn’t any trouble to hold you until you fell asleep or whisper some sweet nothings and earn himself a playful seat for not being quiet and making you laugh when you were so close to sleep.

When your breathing finally evened out he turned on the TV. That was a mistake. Didn’t he wish he had just fallen asleep with you.

-

The loud beeping of your pager and Sebastian calling your phone was what greeted you in the mornings. That annoying man. You’d caught him in the same position multiple times, but pay back was a bitch.

You got dressed and ready in less than ten minutes. The one of the highlights of moving into the mansion was that leaving Tony’s shaved thirty minutes off your drive. He was a pretty great add on too.

Making your way down to the lab, you found Tony in his usual tinkering position. “I’m sorry, honey, I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“Again?” He didn’t mean to say that at all. But his sleep deprived brain hadn’t given him time to think about his words.

“Yeah. Again.” Maybe another time you could let the comment pass, but someone’s kid was on the line here. Those always hit closer to home.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“We both have demanding jobs Tony. I don’t have time for this...I’ll see you later.”

“I’m sorry,” he called out after you. Tony sighed, watching you until you disappeared from sight. You’d know later it wasn’t done to purposefully jab at you. Right now you were just rushed and tired. “J, call Rhodey,” he yawned. May as well go on a date with Rhodey instead, he missed his friend.

The pair agreed on a burger joint. Tony was the later party. Mark 42 was being difficult but a test drive was still in need. Being in the air was weird. He felt like king of the clouds when he was up there. Nothing weighed on him it was just him and his suit. No danger. Nowadays there was an uncomfortable pang of panic when he rushed upward. He had learned to avoided test flights at night. They weren’t worth feeling uncomfortable the whole day.

“How’s paradise?” Rhodey asked as Tony took a seat next to him.

“Ro’s good, misses you. I’m fine. YN’s frustrated with me,” he answered giving a quick rundown.

“Tony, you’ve been a frustrating thorn in her side since you met,” he teased, “Shacking up wasn’t going to change that.”

“It’s good though. I like it.”

“The Starkster content and happy with being tied down.” Rhodey patted Tony’s back. “Good for you. I’m happy. You don’t know the intense relief I feel not having to watch and listen to the two of you pine after one another. I was getting absolutely sick of it. My niece was the only thing that kept pulling me back.” He thanked the waitress as she set their plates in front of them.

“Ordered for me? What a gentleman. Anyhow you’d never leave us,” Tony scoffed, his attention turning to the tv. Joan Rivers was mocking the suit’s new look. “I am Iron Patriot,” he mocked, grimacing at the change. The suit didn’t even look cool anymore.

“Listen, War Machine was a little too aggressive, alright? This sends a better message.”

“So what's really goin' on? With Mandarin. Seriously, can we talk about this guy?” He lowed his voice and scooted closer.

“It's classified information, Tony. Okay, there have been nine bombings.” Secrets weren’t exactly safe when it came to the pair.

“Nine..”

“The public only knows about three. Here's the thing, nobody can ID a device. There's no bomb casings.” Tony started to ramble about what he could do, offering different things to help. YN was right to worry about the man. He was pushing himself too and dealing with things on his own again. “When's the last time you got a good night's sleep?”

“Einstein slept three hours a year. Look what he did,” Tony brushed aside Rhodey’s comment. Mind racing on how to solve the Mandarin problem.

“YN is concerned about you, Tony. I'm concerned about you.”

“She...? Of course she did...You're gonna come at me like that?” He asked, looking offended.

“No. No, look, I'm not trying to be a dic...” two kids walking up to the table, drawings in hand, “...tator.”

Tony smiled at the girl and made a comment to the boy that looked like Ralphie Parker. Looking at the drawing of himself during New York, he began to make a simple customized chat bubble asking Erin for help.

“Listen, the Pentagon is scared. After what happened in New York... aliens, come on. They need to look strong. Stopping the Mandarin is priority, but it's not...”

“It's superhero business, I get it.”

“No, it's not, quite frankly. It's American business.”

“That's why I said I...got it.” The crayon broke in his hand. He felt sick. His heart was racing and he couldn’t breath. Covering his face he tried to figure out what was happening. Everything sounded so distant.

That is until, “How did you get out of the worm hole?” It felt like a tidal wave came down over him.

Tony shot up and got out of the restaurant as quickly as he could. He needed his suit. Breathlessly he apologized as he stumbled into people in his way. The suit opened up and he all but fell in. “Check the heart, check the...check the...is it the brain?

The suit was safe. He tried to calm down, but that felt harder than ever. “No sign of cardiac analomy or unusual brain activity.”

“Okay, so I was poisoned?” The only logical thing he could think of.

“My diagnosis is that you've experienced a severe anxiety attack.”

Taking a second to process before responding, “Me?” Rhodey tried to get his attention, but he needed out. Tony had to go home to figure it out.

Out of all of the things....anxiety? He was well to sound egotistical him. There wasn’t a shortage of people that hated him for his loud outburst. Since he was a child he was taught how to control a crowd. Never was he one to fear a fair challenge. Hell in Afghanistan he felt more anger and defiant than anything.

Now. Now it all changed. It flipped on him. There were topics that sent him to panic mode quicker than he ever felt. Dreams that just wouldn’t stop, keeping the memory of something he’d never forget. Each one showing him a different way he could fail to protect the people he cared about.

He needed a drink.

Walking down into the wine cellar, he stowed away the most recent add on to his collection before pouring himself a drink. God, he couldn’t be left alone with his thoughts. At least when Ro was around he had something to keep him grounded. It was a good thing she’d get to come home tomorrow.

Grabbing his phone, he called Happy. It had been a while. The man had quit claiming being Iron Man’s bodyguard was embarrassing and got himself a gig as Head of Security at Stark Industries. He had been a tyrant as described by Pepper.

The call went through, the screen lit up with the man’s forehead. “Is this forehead of Security?”

“What? You know, look, I got a real job. What do you want? I'm working, I got something going on here.”

“What’s going on? Fill me in.” He laughed at the man’s constant annoyance. “How’s being Pepper’s bodyguard?”

“Less stressful than you for one.”

“What can I say? Gotta keep you on your toes. You had some fun, didn’t you? I’m better than any 9 to 5.”

“Alright, so she's meeting up with this scientist. Rich guy, handsome. I couldn't make his face at first, right? You know I'm good with faces. Yeah. Well, so I run his credentials, I make him Aldrich Killian. We actually met the guy back in... where were we in '99? The science conference?”

Tony turned off his auto pilot of responses to think back. More so he was just enjoying Happy’s ramblings. If he was right, he had definitely been hammered but it had to be, “Switzerland...Killian? No, I don't remember that guy.”

“Of course you don't. He's not a blond with a big rack,” Happy answered, rolling his eyes, “At first it was fine, they were talking business, but now it's like getting weird. He's showing her a big brain.”

“His what?”

“Big brain, and she likes it. Here, let me show you. Hold on. See?” Happy held up the tablet pointing it to the pair in the office.

Tony’s view was very much still on the forehead he had become well acquainted with. “Look at what? You watching them? Flip the screen and then we can get started.

“I'm not a tech genius like you. Just...just trust me, get down down here.”

“Flip the screen, then I can see what they're doing,” Tony said, a slight authority slipping into his voice.

“I can't! I don't know how to flip the screen!Don't talk to me like that anymore. You're not my boss. Alright, I don't work for you. Now I don't trust this guy. He's got another guy with him, he's shifty.”

While Happy ranted, Tony pulled up files on Aldrich Killian. “Relax.”

“Seriously?”

“I'm just asking you to secure the perimeter. Tell him to go out for a drink or something?”

“You know what? You should take more of an interest in what's going on here. This is your family legacy. Your business.”

“Pep’s business,” Tony corrected, “I just have a couple of stocks and head R&D. Everything that happens is all Pepper’s ball park. A giant brain?”

“Yeah, there's a giant brain, there's a shifty character. I'm gonna follow this guy. I'm gonna run his plates and if it gets rough, so be it,” Happy said, seemingly working himself up.

“I miss you, Happy.”

“Yeah, I miss you too. But the way it used to be. Now you're off with the 'superfriends' and being Mr. Family Man, I don't know what's going on with you anymore. Ro and YN are good for you, but the rest of it? The world's getting weird...”

“Hey, I...I'd hate to cut you off. Do you have your taser on you?”

“Why?”

“I think there's a gal in HR who's trying to steal some printer ink, you should probably go over there and zap her.” He grabbed a wine bottle from the fridge and filled in the empty slot with his phone. Tony shut the door walking off with Happy still on the line.

Tony didn’t know when you’d finally get back home. So he made himself a quick snack, exercised, and researched the Mandarin attacks. Anything and everything to keep himself from sleeping. While he was at it, he could probably use Mark 42 to pick up some of Ro’s stray toys and get it moving around a bit more. Not too long after J.A.R.V.I.S. announced that you had made it back to the mansion. He made 42 sit on the couch as seductively as it could and waited up for you.

“What’s this?” You asked, laughing in surprise.

Great. You had a success in the O.R.. Tony made the suit tap it’s lap. “Oh, just breaking this new number in. Like it?”

Sighing, you rolled your eyes, but walked over. He always seemed to sooth the stress of your day easier than anyone else. “Aren’t you just ready to pick up the title of trophy?” You sat down on the suits lap. “I’m sorry fo-“ you cut yourself off, “Actually could you at least take off the helmet? I rather look you in the eye when I apologize to you.”

“Uh, can’t do that beautiful. I’m kinda stuck in here. But I can’t say this particular situation has never crossed my mind. Care to research it further?”

“I really rather have you out that shell.” You grabbed the suit’s hand off your hip and got it up, leading it down to the lab.

“Don’t know. I like it in here, it’s cozy.” Once you hit the point in the stairs were you could see into the lab, you let go of the suit’s hand. “Aw, look you made him sad, he liked that.”

“You let me straddle your empty suit.”

“I didn’t do anything. You did that on your own accord.” Tony let go of the pull up bar and took off the head device. “Now, I believe you were saying something.”

“I was gonna apologize for snapping at you, but now you get nothing.”

“It’s okay, I hear you loud and clear, but that was more on me. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that at all. What you do is immensely important and I’m not exactly proud that I even thought it.”

“It’s okay, but if you ever say it again, you just might have to find that other girlfriend you like to joke about. Right now, I’m more than certain I’m all yours for the rest of the day. No interruptions.”

He pulled you over for a quick kiss, “I really mean it, it won’t happen again.”

“I know sweetheart.”

“Now tell me you love me,” He half joked.

You shook your head, “Nope. Never.”

Tony’s smile faltered slightly, “Come on, just say it.”

“Mm, nope, don’t really feel like it.”

He glared at you, “Say it.” Tony kissed you possessively, hoping to sway you.

You laughed when he finally let you back up for air, “You know I love you dork, even if you are fucking annoying sometimes.”

“And I’m gonna annoy you a whole lot more.”

“I’ll look forward to it. Now what’s my date Stark? I was promised one.”

“Hmm...” he thought a moment, “No tech, for me, since you’re freed up. Something out of the way so we don’t get mobbed. You, me, a picnic basket, and a nice view?”

“Anywhere you are is already a beautiful view, especially when you’re walking away.”

Tony stared at you dumb founded before breaking out into a laugh, “Thought the cheap lines were my job? Okay, Cupcake go get out of those scrubs, I’ll make the sandwiches and pack up the basket.”

The two of you got sorted out quickly, pretty soon it was you, Tony, and the open road belting out old favorites at the top of your lungs. Why this had taken the two of you so long neither of you understood, but that’s just the way things happened sometimes. Things were messy and they would probably get messy again. Above everything the you had each other now and that was further than either of you had cared to imagine before.

Tony’s hand squeezed your thigh, he spared a quick glance to smile at you. It took you back to an easier time when it was just the two of you being kids and having fun with one another. No Iron Man. No responsibilities. No thinking fifty steps ahead and hoping you didn’t ruin this little human being the both of you adored. Nothing else except the two of you.

It wasn’t much longer until you reached your old hideaway spot. “We haven’t been here in forever,” you sighed, looking around as Tony set down the blanket.

“Yeah, we really ditched this spot too early. Still looks beautiful.” Tony tugged at your hand, making you sit on his lap. Truth was a small part of him had been jealous of the suit for getting all of the action.

“Imagine living in a place like this? Quiet, out of the way.”

“It’s too out of the way, don’t you think?”

“Maybe when you get tired of the flashing lights and adoring fans. Just having you and Ro sounds nice.”

Tony pressed a kiss to your shoulder, “Maybe. Wouldn’t hurt to see what happens one day.” He looked around, the setting sun making the view just that more lovely. It wasn’t the worst idea.

“How’ve you been honey?”

“Been good, can’t complain. Talked to Happy, met up with Rhodey...” he remembered their conversation, “You’re worried about me?”

You sighed, shifting so that you were face to face with him. “It’s my second job worrying about you,” you joked, tapping your finger against the arc, “You’re not exactly a talker.”

“We’ve talked.”

“I know, but you’re working yourself dry lately Tones and Ro’s said a couple of times now you’ve woken her up after a nightmares... I’m just concerned honey.”

“I hear you baby. I don’t want to make you worry, that’s the last thing I want. Though, I’m not exactly doing well in that area. Have you talked to Rhodey?” He asked, moving a stray lock behind your ear. You just shook your head in response. “Guess this is a good time to start talking...Well, I had a freak out today. These two kids walked up one had a drawing, the other asked about New York and honey I couldn’t think straight. My brain just went in panic mode and breathing seemed near impossible. J, said it was an anxiety attack. Which is ridiculous because, well as narcissistic as it sounds, I’m me.”

“You’ve been though a lot these past few years,” you said softly, taking his sunglasses off of him. “Anyone else in your place by now, who knows where’d they be. You’re strong.”

“I feel so weak.”

“You’re not. Tony if you’re weak I have no clue what strong is.”

He managed a small smile, “Rhodey.”

“Rhodey doesn’t count. That man’s on a whole other level.” You smiled at him, holding his hand in yours. “The point is, Tony, you’re strong. You know it. Every now and then you’re allowed to feel weak, don’t feel ashamed of it. You’re only human.”

“People depend on me. There’s so little between us and whatever’s up there. When something bigger comes, will we be ready? Can I get us ready by then?”

“It’s not all up to you. But you’re gonna take this on like it is, because that’s your nature. You can’t let this eat you alive.”

“You’re right. Obviously. I just can’t figure out to clear my head and move ahead....For now, can this conversation be paused? We haven’t had very many dates as of now and I don’t want this one to just be a therapy session.”

You nodded, knowing he told you as much as he could handle for the moment. “We’ll talk about it later,” you agreed, tracing his jaw lightly, “I’m here for you, through everything.”

His hand caught yours, he brought it up to press a kiss to your palm. “You always are. Do you realize how much you mean to me?”

“I have some idea. Your life kinda sucks when I’m not around.”

“That’s a definitely an understatement. Have you seen the shit that goes on the second you’re busy?” He laughed, “It’s fucking crazy.”

“Trust me, I’ve heard about it all.”

“Even that night when we were nineteen and I was black out drunk? When I tackled that tree.”

You laughed at the memory, it was a bit foggy you had joined his drinking game that night. “Mm, I’m pretty sure a tree got caught on my shirt. You screamed at it to let me go and when it didn’t you tackled that thing with a good running start. It took you a minute but you came back. I think we decided we wanted to eat, so we headed back to the place you rented out. There were cars lined up and you said ‘If I can run over all eight of those, you owe me a kiss’, so you proceeded to try and fell off the third one. Then you fell down a flight of stairs. And that night is exactly why you’re banned from drinking Everclear ever again.”

“And yet you stayed.”

“And yet I stayed. I sure as hell don’t have any regrets, you’ve given me some great stories.”

Tony leaned forward, catching you in a slow kiss. No rush just pure emotion. There wasn’t any doubt that it was you that helped keep him grounded throughout everything. “Thank you.”

“Thank you for defending my honor to that vile tree.”  

“And I’d do it again.”

The two of you lulled into quiet conversation filled with reminiscing. It was hard to imagine how long it had been since you’d both been those kids that had met on a boat. As much as you had complained about having to go, you’d be forever grateful for Howard Stark’s mandatory boat trip. The three day cruise gave you someone invaluable to your life.

Hours later, you were curled up to Tony’s side, watching the stars. You stared up, marveling at how beautiful the sky looked when there wasn’t so much going on. Tony stared at you instead. Maybe he could deal with the stars again, one day, but for now you looked more beautiful than they ever could.  He noticed you beginning to drift off in his arms.

“Come on baby, it’s time to head home.” Tony pressed a kiss to your head before standing to help you up. He made sure you were situated in the car before packing up the blanket and basket. “You can rest, it’s okay,” he assured you, when you started to wake yourself up.

When Tony pulled up to the home, both of you were ready to drop into bed. Once in the bed room Tony tossed one of his shirts over as he got dressed for bed. You pulled it on and jumped into bed as soon as you were situated. “‘Mere handsome.”

Tony joined you in bed, giving you a final kiss for the night. You fell asleep soon after. Tony, for once that month, actually fell asleep with you instead of sneaking out.

Your dreaming was interrupted when you heard quiet whimpering. “...Ro?” Sleep still diluted your mind until you remembered she wasn’t home. The jolt by your side took you out of your daze. “Tony,” you shook him gently.  His quiet whimpers and gasp were the only sound filling the air. The moonlight that trickled in let you see enough that he had been crying. “Tony, honey, it’s just a dream you need to wa-“

The Iron Man armor caught your wrist and flipped you onto your bag, causing you to scream as it glared down at you. Tony stood up assuming the worst. He couldn’t feel anything but shame as he saw what had happened. What he had caused. “Power down!” When it shut off, Tony hit it on the neck, causing the parts to crash onto the floor. “I must have called it in my sleep. That's not supposed to happen. I'll recalibrate the sensors. Can we just...just let me...just let me catch my breath, okay?” He spoke, trying to reassure you through his fear. You stood, running your hands through your hair. Both of you were a mess of short breaths and fear. “Don’t go, please?” His voice sounded so broken.

You sat back down on the bed despite yourself. Yeah, you were scared, but your fear was over the situation had been handled. You were free from having to relive your trauma, the pressure, the guilt he carried, so you stayed and you waited for your heart to stop pounding so hard you could hear it. Tony had his face hidden in his hands, his shoulders shaking. He felt like a failure. Because he needed to feel protected, feel like he could protect his family at every second, he made something that nearly hurt you. Something that could have possibly hurt Ro. It was an accident but it weighed him down.

When you calmed yourself enough to think clearly, you got up and helped him get situated back into bed. Getting back in yourself, you pulled him close, his tears soaking through the shirt he lent you. “Tell me about it.”

“Who gives a fuck about my nightmares?” He said angrily, it was mostly disgust with himself. “It’s the same. Every time. Fucking New York or something else. Me dying I can handle that, it’s the name of the game right? Sometimes my head just gets these vivid pictures of you, Ro, Rhodey, Happy, Pep...and that’s worse that feels like absolute hell. I just want to go back to normal.”

You kissed top of his head, “It’s alright. Okay? We’ll get you there together.”

“YN everything is just shrouded in this layer of panic that I can’t shake,” he admitted, “I get happy, yeah, but as soon as the moment’s over, it’s right back. It’s constant. Just drilling in.”

“I know, I know. We’ll figure it out. Okay, Tony? You’re gonna have better days, we just need to figure out how to help you.”

“I feel like a goddamn monster. How many times is my own head gonna show me our daughter dying.”

“You’re not a monster. What happened was a lot. After Christmas we should get you to a therapist, get help and handle this together.”

“And what if we do that and I’m not the same as before. What if I’m not enough after all of that work? For you? For Ro?” He asked bitterly. “It would be like me to finally reach this with you and my head just...”

“Hey, look at me,” you tilted his chin up, “You’re the man I love. You’re the person our little girl adores more than anyone in this world. Which is really unfair by the way. You’re ours Tony, you’re more than enough in our eyes.”

“I really want to be. Neither of you deserve this.”

“We deserve you. Every part.”

A quiet settled over the room as Tony calmed down. He was grateful to have your arms around him to anchor him to reality. Most nights you were gone, either on the night shift or having been called in. This was the first time you really saw one and he was upset that it went that far. The phone ruined the silence. He suppressed the groan that wanted to come out. All he wanted was to have you around a few moments.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized as you reached for the phone, “Hey Seb, you need me?”

I need you, Tony thought selfishly. In whole he earned it.

“Oh god. What happened?” You listened as Sebastian filled you in, “Okay, yeah, we’ll be there.”

Tony lifted his head to look at you curiously when he heard ‘we’. “What happened?” He asked when you hung up, his voice rough.

Fuck this poor man couldn’t catch a break. “There was a bombing. Happy’s in the hospital,” you reduced it, “We need to get dressed and head over there.” You watched the click happen in his eyes, sadness turning to anger.

He had a mission now, a way to release the pent up things tinkering couldn’t suppress. Tony was gonna respect what Rhodey had said, but how could he help if the fight came to him?

Within the hour, you had made it to the hospital. Reporters and paparazzi were already crowding the entrance. Word must have gotten around that Tony Stark would be coming to check on his ex bodyguard. You held his hand and led him in through a secluded employee entrance. He hadn’t spoken a word since you had told him the news. If anything his quiet rage was leagues scarier than the suit’s glare.

Sebastian met with the two of you at the staircase. “He’s stabilized, apparently the closest to the blast, there weren’t any fragments. It’s just like it was a blast, from the sound of it the theater was wrecked. Knuckles on his right hand are bruised could have been from falling but most likely a fight. He asked for you Tony.”

“Yeah. Can we go up there?” Tony asked, needing to see Happy. Just a quick talk to know what had happened.

“You can see him. But he’s not conscious he hit his head pretty hard and the medications he’s on makes it even harder to stay up.”

“I still want to see him.”

Sebastian led you up to the room. Tony walked in and you stayed with Sebastian giving him time alone and reading over Happy’s file. In whole he’d be okay. No physically lasting damages. Looking at Tony, you were reminded about the mental side of things. “Thanks for calling Seb.”

“I figured it would be better for him to hear from you than whoever is on phones tonight.”

“I appreciate that.” You heard the tv turn on and Tony talked on his phone. From the sound of it he was calling in a security team. “You can go do your rounds. You’re good.”

“I’m taking over for you too.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Consider it your early Christmas present, okay? Don’t stress it. Ro’s gonna be upset and her dad needs you. You’re probably stressed to hell and back just with how work has been lately. Take a break, you need it.”

“You’re right there with me,” you told your partner.

“Yeah, that’s true, but I don’t have a family to worry about and I get decent sleep.”

You sighed weighing your options, getting to stay home a bit for now did sound good. “Thanks. What would I do without you?”

“Crash and burn,” he laughed, pulling you for a quick hug before leaving.

Tony pulled up files from his tablet, reading everything on the Mandarin. He was going to get the fight he wanted. This wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t brushed Happy off. The man asked for help and Tony just made fun of him. He’d make it right, set the record straight.

Everything Tag:

| @sophiatomlinson23 | @cannonindeez | @memyselfandmaddox | @mendes-marvel | @space-helen |

Marvel Tag:

| @asguardiansoftheavengers | @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked | @lovely-geek | @atomicfandombomb |

Tony Stark Tag:

| @bit-bot0711 |  @tonystarkxreader | @mikariell95 | @genzparker |

Learning To Live

| @editsbyjenny | @vesta-ro |

[sierratheory]

Admin Opinions Masterpost

As promised this will be the master post that contains all of our opinions for the current situations involving 5SOS. That would be Mystal, Lierra, and Kayshton. If there is an opinion you are looking for that you do not see on this post, feel free to ask and we can add it to this post. To keep this as clean as possible I will break this up with a read more line.

OWNER

Mystal - They're absolutely PR in my opinion, for a lot of reasons, but just to name a few of them: Crystal uses Michael for constant promo schemes, the engagement was literally staged and planned by Guess (despite whatever story Crystal is trying to spin), and she's literally far from the only other "influencer" to have done this recently. Nevermind the fact that Michael sounds more enthusiastic talking about literally ANYTHING but his supposed engagement. Couple goals uuuwwwuuu, am I right? 

Lierra - At this point, nothing will change my mind about them being PR. The story has a lot of holes in it, the biggest that comes to mind at the moment is the fact that we're supposed to believe that Lierra has been a couple for over a year now...Meanwhile, in early to mid-2018, she was constantly pining after Luke in a way that a FAN would, not someone you're in a relationship with. By this, I mean that she was only ever active on IG at the same time as him, and she'd constantly follow and like everything that he did, in an obvious effort to appeal to him. As well as stirring the pot of speculation among fans who were wanting to know if they were dating, by buying clothes eerily SIMILAR to Luke's, in order to make fans think that they were sharing clothes. Many fans were fooled by this. Or the fact that she literally ran a bogus IG page (grandebaby13) to push dating rumours about her and Luke. All the while she spent so much energy previously, trying to reassure fans that they were, "just friends." Like if they were real, and they agreed to be private, then she wouldn't have been trying to force rumours. Point blank. 

Kayshton - Completely undecided for me at this point. On one hand, they seem like the most real out of all three couples. But the fact that it seems like she's only started to get steady work/make an effort in her career since going public with Ashton, and that one pap walk with the suspicious leaked video footage (with extra photos being released a couple of weeks later out of the blue), really makes me a little bit wary of saying they aren't PR. Only time will tell, but for now, I'm fairly neutral but open to the possibility. 

BLUE

Lierra: As obvious as it may be, I feel Lierra is PR. There is a small part of me that believes they could be real and Luke’s vulnerability post-Arzaylea could’ve been abused, but that theory is strictly an opinion and there’s not a lot in my eyes that proves they’re a real couple. I feel their relationship began too quickly in terms of how it progressed from friendship to a “soulmate” scenario being as she was “besties” with Ashton first. The timelines don’t add up to me and I feel like it’s been proven she’s gained quite a large fan base because of her relationship with Luke and it will only grow from here the longer they’re together. She also uses her relationship for work-related gigs (ie, FoF), despite not actually releasing any music that is hers or music that is no longer associated with the Essy stage name.

Mystal: I’m conflicted with Mystal. I see both sides. They seem to be a cute, more well-rounded couple, but I also see the issues that lie in Crystal and how she controls Mikey rather than being supportive and/or more like a fiancé. I think either way the relationship is slightly more bearable than others that have come through. I feel like Crystal is an independent woman who does what she can to make it in the industry which is admirable. The engagement through me for a loop, especially with how publicized it was with the relation to GUESS and such, so I’d say I’m more on the PR side of things, but them being real wouldn’t shock me.

Kayshton: I’m so undecided with this one. I’m thrown off by the DM exclusives, but they seem to be low key and chilled out. I like KayKay, she seems sweet and apart from a few of her friends that are sketchy, I find her pretty down to earth and humble. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were real, nor if they were a filler PR for when Lierra ends, but either one of pretty probable.

RED

Mystal: I used to think Mystal was super cute. But once I learned things about Crystal’s past behaviour and the way she manipulates fans and treats people I started to see her true colours. I fully believe Mystal is PR. Not only do I find the timeline of how their relationship allegedly began to be suspicious, but the major changes to his personality and how he portrays himself are also suspicious. Not to mention the complete control she has over his social media and image as a whole. How she garners herself and others partnerships (Adidas, Guess) based off of his fame. She even used his social media accounts as an example of her PR skills on her now empty website.

Prior to Mystal, I’d never seen a couple sell their engagement or get a full press in a magazine about it. Weddings? Yeah, those are planned months, sometimes even years ahead. But engagements are supposed to be a romantic surprise. I have no doubt Crystal orchestrated the entire engagement and the full spread in People, or whatever magazine it was. I personally can’t see Michael selling that personal private moment, but I wouldn’t put it past Crystal. And no offence to 5SOS, but they aren’t like Justin Bieber level famous, they aren’t A-List celebrities, so I find it doubtful that Guess or People approached them about the engagement. I also worry about Michael’s mental health. It concerns me that so much of his life outside of the band revolves solely around Crystal and her social circle. Even if I thought the relationship was genuine that would still concern me. It has been said that Michael gets bad anxiety and doesn’t like huge crowds and that’s why he stays away from outings and parties with the other band members but like, he’s done DJ shows in packed clubs with the guys (recently) and Crystal throws him huge parties for his birthday. But then he misses band outings the museums where they take pictures and do promo. He went to Coachella with Crystal but wasn’t seen at all with the guys. It just seems very strange to me.

Lierra: In the beginning, I wanted to believe Luke knew Sierra was using him for publicity but was okay with it because they were friends. But as time went on and I learned more about her lurking and gassing up rumours about her dating Luke I grew more and more uncomfortable about her presence. If they had wanted to keep their relationship private she shouldn’t have been posting little hints to get people talking. If they had wanted to keep their relationship private she shouldn’t have created a fake IG account to push dating rumours. If the relationship was real that’s all toxic problematic behaviour. The relationship may not be real, but Sierra’s manipulative behaviour is.

As a Luke girl, I try to support him in his choices and relationships. But Sierra’s behaviour and specifically her comment about depression leave me struggling to like her as a person. There’s a lot that makes me think the relationship is orchestrated by Modest! The comments on every one of her Instagram posts (except the birthday one which is an odd one to exclude) even if he’s on stage at the time he allegedly comments. The pap photos. Even the timing of their relationship announcement. It came at the height of Youngblood (the single)’s success just as the album was released. When people were paying 5SOS the most attention. How anytime there’s a band-related announcement something happens in Lierra-land. If you wanted to keep your relationship away from public speculation why announce its existence when the band has the most attention it’s ever had? Why not wait until some of the hype dies down?

Don’t even get me started on her lack of drive or motivation to do anything with her life/career other than being known as Luke Hemmings’ girlfriend.

Kayshton: Ok, so I have a bit of an odd theory for this one. I honestly do believe at some point at the very least, Ashton and KayKay were an item. Whether they were exclusive or how long they lasted we don’t really know. But there’s enough proof from interviews and other interactions that at some point there was something and it appeared to be a bit on and off. All four of us agree there are some odd things about Kayshton, like the pap walks and HQ pictures and videos.

My theory is that perhaps they were/are a couple and Modest! forced them to be public with it, and are giving us these HQ photos and pap interactions/DM articles to throw us off. So that people who claim Lierra‘s pap pictures prove they are PR are discredited because Kayshton is real and also has these HQ photos and pointless DM articles. Almost like a red herring, a distraction. To make fans think that since Kayshton is real and they get papped it’s totally normal and therefore Lierra is real too.

[makistar2018]

Inside Taylor Swift's Personal Diary Entries: Read All of the Biggest Revelations

By Tomás Mier August 24, 2019

Photo: DIA DIPASUPIL/GETTY

Lover of Diaries

Fans got an inside look at some of Taylor Swift’s most personal thoughts when they bought the deluxe version of her new album, Lover.

Along with some behind-the-scenes recordings, each album featured a 30-page booklet with excerpts from her personal diaries — some even from she was just 13!

“I’ve written about pretty much everything that’s happened to me. I’ve written my original lyrics in those diaries, just feelings,” she said on an Instagram Live announcing the booklets. “It’s everything from pictures drawn, photos of that time in my life, I used to like tape stuff in my diaries.”

Here are the top 10 takeaways from her personal diary entries.

Photo: CHRISTOPHER POLK/GETTY 

Swift the Lyricist

If the diary entries are filled with anything, it’s a deep dive into her song lyrics.

“Red” was born on a long flight — and everyone she played it for loved it.

“Its [sic] so different than anything we’ve done,” she wrote in 2011. “I can’t even tell you how alive and worthwhile I feel when I’m writing a new song and I finish it and people like it. It’s the most fulfilling feeling, like getting an A+ on your report card.”

The diaries also share early versions of “All Too Well” and songs like “Long Live,” “White Horse,” “Holy Ground” and “This Love.”

In a 2014 entry, she writes about the creation of her ultra-hit “Shake It Off.”

“The best way I know how to describe it is that the chorus just fell out of the sky,” she wrote in 2014.

“We all went home and I wrote the first and second verses and brought them in the next day. We wrote this chanty cheer leader bridge that I absolutely LOVE,” she continued.

As for the album cover that would accompany “Shake It Off,” she wrote that she “saw it within 10 seconds.”

“The craziest moment came when something caught my eye. The cover photo is photo 13. I kid you not,” she wrote about the polaroid cover to 1989, which she accompanied with a sketch.

Photo:  HENRY LAMB/BEI/REX/SHUTTERSTOCK

A Glamorous Gala

In a diary entry, Swift writes about being invited to “this event called ‘The Met Gala.’”

To an 18-year-old Swift, that day was “THE party of the year.”

“The paps started SCREAMING for me. It was crazy,” she wrote in May 2008. “We made our way up the red carpet, posing for everyone. All of the women looked so glamorous in their gowns.”

Along with meeting Anna Wintour, George Clooney, Julia Roberts and Giorgio Armani at the event, she wrote that “models stood as decorations, standing still and wearing gorgeous gowns.”

Once inside, she lists “every celebrity ever created” at the event, including Scarlett Johansson, Tom Brady, Beyoncé, Victoria Beckham, Tom Cruise and Jon Bon Jovi “who called me over to talk to him.”

Photo: LARRY BUSACCA/GETTY 

Borchetta's Beginnings

Weeks before the release of Lover, a public feud involving Swift and her old label Big Machine made headlines when the label’s founder Scott Borchetta sold the label (and ownership of her masters) to Scooter Braun.

But years before, Swift had nothing but kind things to say about the label founder who signed her.

After meeting with Capitol Records and not being offered “the deal I would want,” she met with Borchetta — and left with feelings of excitement.

“I really loved all the stuff he said in the meeting, and he stayed for the whole Bluebird show,” she wrote in November 2014. “And he’s SO passionate about this project. I think that’s the way we’re gonna go, I want to surround myself with passionate people.”

A meeting with Borchetta also made “Sparks Fly” as she came up with the name of her second album.

“We were talking about the record and I had this epiphany,” she wrote in April 2010. “I didn’t talk in interviews about how I felt about much of what has happened in the last two years. I’ve been silent about so much that I’m saying on this album. It’s time to Speak Now.”

“Scott freaked out. He loved it,” she wrote in April 2010. “We have a title, ladies and gentlemen!”

Photo: SPLASH 

"The Hunters Will Always Outnumber Me"

Swift also opens up about the lack of privacy that comes with being a celebrity — and how she’ll never get used to seeing “a group of people staring, amassed outside my house, pointing, camera phones up…”

“They could never imagine how much that feels like being hunted,” she wrote.

Swift compares her “mostly perfect life” to “being a tiger in a wildlife enclosure.”

“It’s pretty in there, but you can’t get out,” she described in the August 2013 note.

“No matter how big my house is or how many albums I sell, I’m still going to be the rabbit,” she added. “Because the hunters will always outnumber me. The spectators will stand by, shaking their heads, going ‘that poor girl.’ But the point is, they’re still watching. Everyone loves a good hunt.”

But her feelings about being “hunted” also translated into worrying about her generation’s obsession with taking photos “so that they can spend all day checking the comments underneath.”

“They will never truly experience a moment without attempting to capture it and own it,” she wrote, comparing pulling a flower from the ground to take photos. “Nevermind that picking a flower kills it, the same way taking a picture of a moment can ruin it altogether.”

Swift has notably kept comments off of her post to improve her mental health.

“I’m training my brain to not need the validation of someone telling me that I look 🔥🔥🔥,” she wrote in Elle. “I’m also blocking out anyone who might feel the need to tell me to ‘go die in a hole ho’ while I’m having my coffee at nine in the morning.”

Photo: AL MESSERSCHMIDT/GETTY

From Fearful to "Fearless"

Though Swift is now known for her jaw-dropping stage presence, as a young singer she wrote that she would “get stage fright every time I walk onto a stage.”

“I wish it wasn’t so, but I can’t blame my mind for freaking out about performances,” she wrote in 2010, days before releasing Speak Now. “Criticism of my performances has been the biggest source of pain in my life.”

“I sometimes feel like my college degree is in acting like I’m ok when I’m not,” wrote a 20-year-old Swift.

But even as a burgeoning singer at just 13, she would get hate while on stage. During one performance, her guitar pick broke in half and fell while she was playing.

“There was this huge silence! It was awful! I had to bend over and pick it up in front of everyone!” she wrote next to the broken pick. “And while I was singing, this guy was shouting stuff like, ‘Go on, b*#@! Sing that country bulls#*%! Go on motherf—!.’ It was awful.”

Photo: SCOTT GRIES/GETTY IMAGES

Done with Dieting

In her diaries, she also candidly writes about sticking to a diet as a teen.

Soon after Thanksgiving 2006, she returned to Nashville to her “own comfy bed” and planned to go out to eat with her best friend Abigail Anderson during a day off.  

“Oh and I’m dieting again,” she wrote right after.

“Over the holidays I didn’t watch what I ate and man its [sic] so weird how fast I can gain or lose weight… It’s crazy,” she ended the note. “So I’m going to lose some now.”

Earlier this year, she wrote about finally being okay with gaining weight.

“I learned to stop hating every ounce of fat on my body,” she wrote in Elle. “I worked hard to retrain my brain that a little extra weight means curves, shinier hair, and more energy.”

The “Daylight” singer also said that she’s constantly working on her body image.

“I think a lot of us push the boundaries of dieting, but taking it too far can be really dangerous. There is no quick fix,” she said. “I work on accepting my body every day.”

Photo: CHRISTOPHER POLK/GETTY IMAGES

"I'ma Let You Finish, But..."

“Ahh… the things that can change in a week…” wrote Swift in a Sept. 18, 2009 journal entry.

Five days had passed since Kanye West crashed Swift’s Video of the Year acceptance speech at the MTV Video Music Awards, but the whole ordeal was all she — and everyone else — could think about.

“If you had told me that one of the biggest stars in music was going to jump up onstage and announce that he thought I shouldn’t have won on live television, I would’ve said ‘That stuff doesn’t really happen in real life,’” she wrote.

“Well… apparently…. It does,” she ended the note.

Little did 19-year-old Swift know that West would cause more tumult in her life seven years later. In an August 2016 note, she simply wrote, “This summer is the apocalypse.”

The “apocalyptic” summer came when West referred to the singer as “that bitch”in his track “Famous” and featured a nude version of the “Shake It Off” singer in its accompanying video.

Then, Swift said she never approved of the lyric after his wife Kim Kardashianleaked a phone call conversation between the two singers.

“Being falsely painted as a liar when I was never given the full story or played any part of the song is character assassination,” she wrote then. That “Cruel Summer” ordeal would go on to inspire her sixth album, reputation.

Photo:  SPLASH NEWS

A Joe Alwyn “Love Story”

Like in Lover’s lyrics, Swift doesn’t hold back about her deep feelings for boyfriend Joe Alwyn in her personal diary.

Clearly writing about Alwyn, the singer confessed about wanting to keep their relationship under wraps as much as possible.

“I’m essentially based in London, hiding out trying to protect us from the nasty world that just wants to ruin things,” she wrote in a January 2017 note. “We have been together and no one has found out for 3 months now. I want it to stay that way because I don’t want anything about this to change or become too complicated or intruded upon.”

“But it’s senseless to worry about someday not being happy when I am happy now,” she concluded. “OK. Breathe.”

But Swift wasn’t always so sure about love being real — especially when it came to Valentine’s Day.

“I somehow feel like it’s my destiny to roll my eyes at happy couples and resent Valentine’s Day. I also feel like I’m the girl before ‘the one.’ I’m not ‘the one,’” she wrote at 19. “I’m the girl you think is the one for you, and when it doesn’t work out with me, you meet the next girl and realize she IS the one.”

And as a mere 13 year old, she imagined the first time she’d have her first kiss — and about being “such a romantic.”

“I just dream about looking into someone’s eyes and feeling something I’ve never felt before, you know?” she wrote. “I just never was able to put a face to my fantacy [sic]. But something tells me that my first kiss is really far away from happening!”

Photo:  LARRY BUSACCA/WIREIMAGE

The Night Before...

Before the 2014 Grammy Awards, Swift was confident her album Red would take home the biggest award of the night.

“It’s the middle of the night and I was at the Clive Davis party tonight which means… the Grammys are tomorrow,” she wrote. “Never have I felt so good about our chances. Never have I wanted something so badly as I want to hear them say ‘Red’ is the Album of the Year.”

Though she was up for four awards that year, Swift would head home empty handed.

Though she had won that award two years prior with Fearless, it wouldn’t be until her 2014 album 1989 that she’d take home the coveted prize again. In her 13-year career, Swift has won 10 Grammys from 32 nominations.

Photo:  MICHAEL LOCCISANO/FILMMAGIC

“This Might Be Worth Money Someday”

Though her diary entries are filled with some insight into the more complicated times in her life, the entries also feature some cute memories of her youth — including her middle school class schedule, some song lyrics and memories about listening to Sugarland for the first time.

Accompanied by drawings and the number 13, in her first journal entry, she signs her name and writes “(That could be worth money someday!! Just kidding hehe).”

Under “Journal #1,” a 13-year-old Swift writes a poem: “The world is as big as you make it / Never be shameful to fly / When a chance comes you should take it / May you never be scared of goodbye…”

After performing at a school talent show, Swift wrote: “I ❤ SCHOOL!”

Reminiscing on the grand day, Swift wrote, “I got a standing ovation and everything.”

People

[janavoadalov]

Warming Up A Long Loner Heart, Ophidian Or Human

Janavo X Reader, Hurt/Comfort and fluff. A little bit of angst peppered in here and there. SFW, save for some tasteful make-out descriptions.

It is...long. Like, almost 4000 words. So, bloop, under a Read More.

It has been a few weeks since that mysterious encounter with that supposed “troll” you have found in the woods at a Halloween night. Not that you don’t believe his words, but...perhaps one of those candies you had ended up buzzing up your senses a bit, because you know...holidays and sketchy substances. Perhaps something you drank that night? Eh. That part of your mind insists on denying that the encounter ever happened. 

However that little piece of paper with his phone number that you oh-so-dearly kept on your drawer acts as a counterpoint. Fuck! You just remembered. Ever since that night, you never even tried to contact him. Not only because of laziness, but also that impending fear of your phone not being able to call that number. Not to mention that you’re not just talking with your regular run-off-the-mill human- but a literal alien. And a sexy one at that. Regardless, it every once in a while fills your heart with a sharp pang of guilt and neediness every time you imagine those big reptilian eyes of his gazing into yours, tongue flicking out his lips to sense every emotion of yours simply by your scent.

It gets to a point in which those thoughts are what forces you out of your bed and makes you walk up to your drawer and snatch out the paper slip with Jana...Janavo’s number in it. Was it Janavo? or Javano? Who cares, he’ll say it when he greets you. Or so you hope. Sitting down at your bed’s edge, you hesitantly hold up your phone and type in the number sequences and dial up. 

*beep...beep...beep...*

Fuck, is it really going to take that long? Will you have to literally go all the way back to the woods to yell his name at that...cave-den of his? Where does that guy even live in to begin with? You sigh and wait some more for him to answer, your foot tapping at the bedroom floor nervously. Tap, tap, tap...

When you, all of a sudden, notice the beeping stop. A deep, husky voice attends you, the closeness of his mouth to the microphone making the audio sound whispery. You shiver and feel butterflies in your stomach, body weakening and your voice trembles.

“Hello? Janavo here. Who is calling?”

Oh, okay, it’s not Javano then. You cough and try your best to answer him without stuttering. That would not be a good way to have your first formal interaction with that cutie, huh?

“Uh...hello, Mr. Janavo! I’m that little human you, uhm, met that Halloween night. You gave me your, uh, number, remember?”

Your heart was pounding loudly in your chest. Holy fuck. You’re talking to that big handsome alien guy you met. With your hardest efforts, you attempt to stop yourself from audibly breathing heavily in both anxiety and excitement.

Recognizing your voice, his tone becomes lighter and softer, and his speech becomes mixed with a happy, high-pitched trill from his chest. That was one of the cutest sounds you’ve ever heard, the audible representation of a smile. It makes you giggle a bit and your heart feels like it just melted.

“Awwww. Hello there, little one. I have been waiting for you to call for so long...sorry about my sudden disappearance that night...was scared someone had seen me.”

No! He doesn’t need to apologize for anything! He just did what you too would do it you were an 8-foot tall alien. Out of nowhere, you feel little droplets of guilt bead into your consciousness. Perhaps you shouldn’t have gotten upset at him leaving you like that. Fuck. You’re feeling shitty now.

“I-I understand! No need to say sorry for it! You just did what was needed” 

He senses the sadness in your voice and his voice softens even more. Perhaps you ended up making him feel worried about you..

“Are you okay, little one? You don’t sound so jolly. Do you need any help, or advice? Or just, you know, someone to distract yourself from it?”

You gulp. The last thing you would expect from an alien is for one of them to be so compassionate, like Janavo was at that exact moment. It makes your face flush a bit, and you can’t help but stutter.

“Y-yeah...I’ve been feeling, uh, very...um, lonely. It has been a few weeks since my parents have last visited me...they’re often so occupied with their businesses and errands, and no one else in here can come and give me company...so I could say that adulthood has been really harsh on me for the last few years...”

You truly have been noticing a sharp decline on your mental and social stability ever since you were deemed an adult by your family. Having to live in your own house, pay your own taxes, with the previous support of your parents slowly becoming lost in the fog of the past, makes you feel responsible and independent, but also lonely, as you have no partner to come and spend time with you, nor a group of friends to go on trips or dates with, as your personality is quite...eccentric, to say the least. It’s not everyone who just has a bunch of edgy paraphernalia on their closet and wears them to celebrate the spooky season.

Thinking about this, and remembering your recent meet-up with Janavo in the woods, leads your mind to a realization, that he is most likely what was missing from your life. That missing puzzle piece in your psyche. A loving, understanding individual who is more than eager to help you out and give you the attention you need. 

A concerned “hello?” snaps you out of your musings about your life and you, startled, apologize from the silence. The feelings overwhelm you and you sense yourself starting to break into tears. Some self-control would really come in handy right now. But bam, you lost it. Now you’re just a sobbing mess on the phone with a guy who you met once and you think of as a perfect boyfriend for your insecure ass. Shame washes over you, but you can’t do anything at the moment. You swear you could hear a sad little whine from Janavo as he listens to your emotional breakdown, unsure on how to help you.

“Little one...Shhh...Shhhh...It will all be okay. Wipe those tears. Take a deep breath. Would you like to have me come over? I am not sure on how to comfort you too well over a cellphone.”

He talks to you in a low, extremely worried tone. Almost as if you were going to make him cry too. Your thoughts manage to calm down a tad by hearing his voice and the idea of having Janavo come and see you in person both delights you and scares you, having in question the absolutely trainwreck of a mental state that you are in as of now. However your feelings speak louder than your logic and you wail a little “yes...please...” over the phone for him. 

He gently shoos away your stress and asks you for your address, soon hanging up afterwards. Shouldn’t take too long for him to come. He lives near your neighbourhood, after all, at some sort of shelter at the local woods. Maybe if he manages to go through the outskirts of this town, he can go pretty much unnoticed, even better knowing how it’s evening. People are already going inside their homes and all. Your feelings start to re-stabilize themselves until you hear loud thundering from the outside. That sound is like the doors of hell opening.

Fucking. Shit. It’s going to rain.

The thought of being stuck inside your house, crying yourself to sleep as the sound of rain acts as the soundtrack for your sadness comes off as way worse and suffocating when you are actually feeling that at the moment and not simply some mental image you come across while listening to screamo albums. The first raindrops hit the roof and you get worried for your lov-ahem, friend. Does he even have an umbrella? Isn’t he going to get, like, sopping wet? What about a cold? Is his body built to endure that? So many questions come to mind. 

Barely a few seconds after your hurricane of thoughts, the rain becomes heavier and heavier. from a peaceful shower to a vicious hiss of water and wind hitting your ceiling. Your windows are open and the curtains dance around from the storm. Forcing your body to get up, you soon close them, avoiding anyone from peeking at you and also your belongings from being drenched. It feels like this weather is only going to get worse. Throwing yourself at your bed, you grab your blankets and wrap yourself up in them while letting out a loud sob. Oh, how you needed him to arrive, so quick...you could feel yourself being dragged down by your anxiety again. And it’s not something you want to deal with alone.

The thundering outside nearly deafens you and makes the lights in your house flicker. He still isn’t there. Pulling up your blinds a bit, you can tell that not a lot of people are outside. The streetlights are on, but do little to properly illuminate the surroundings. At that moment, even a flashlight could do better. Creating those little observations and comments in your brain help diverge your consciousness from the dread and highly unlikely scenarios in your brain.

Minute after minute passes, and every second without hearing the doorbell ring burns away at your patience like a hot rod through your forehead. You tremble underneath the sheets, slowly letting go of the tiny remains of self-control you have left. Tears leak out of your eyes and leave dark stains on your pillow. 

Almost an hour after Janavo announced his departure, and no signals of his presence. You’re sleepy and your eyes are swollen and sore. Holding onto a nearby cushion, you bury your head into it, moaning out in a forlorn, raspy voice. 

“Janavo...”

At that point, you were ready to just snap into an unconscious state. Too much mental strain to be dealt with for such a young person like you. But, all out of a sudden, the sound you hear reverbs through your ears like a heavenly chime. 

Ding-dong!~

It’s him! He finally arrived...after that whole ride. You scream his name out loud. Agitation spreads through your whole body and thrusts you out of your bed. Unlocking the door, you see the figure you were longing for so much.

There stood, Janavo Adalov, holding above his head an enormous trash can lid, drops of rain falling in top of it and rolling off into the ground. Where did he even get that from? You don’t even bother thinking about answers. His body seems mostly dry, apart from his tail, boots and a little bit of his pants. Worry is visible on his eyes, glancing at you with wide pupils. His hair, from what you can see, is messy, while his head is mostly covered by his hood.

“Oh, my doll. I apologize so much from leaving you suffering like this. I wish I could have gotten here sooner...”

He drops the soaked lid to the side, wags his tail to get rid of the excessive water, and you gently call him into your home, watching him have to literally duck to get past the door thanks to his large size. As you both get into the living room, he kneels down and opens up his arms invitingly. Without a second thought, you wrap your own around his neck, and you feel him close his around your body, locking you both in a warm embrace. Quiet little sniffles come from you, and Janavo attempts to be reassuring by giving your back a couple light taps. Your head and hands were buried on the fabric of his hoodie, the soft texture soothing your senses. At this point you wish this moment would never end, being exactly what you’ve been desiring for years.

The two of you stay interlocked like that until you loosen your grip on him, letting him free. You wipe your face and nose with your sweater sleeve, and Janavo stands up and follows you as you guide him to your room. Some colorful decorations here and there seem to entice him, as he keeps his focus on them for quite a long time. 

You throw yourself on the sheets and watch your visitor sit on the edge of your bed before laying back and turning his face towards you. His eyes still have that telltale expression of concern, but less visibly now than before. His mouth is curled up into a smile at the sight of you so close to him and his sharp snaggle tooth is visible prodding underneath his top lip. Who knew such a big guy could be so adorable. 

Getting closer to him, you lay your head on his chest. Janavo starts to purr loudly when he notices, and places one of his hands on your hair, gently playing around with the locks. His sharp nails every once in a while scrape your scalp, making you shiver. You really needed this. A sigh comes from you and you reach out to hold his other hand.

“It will all be okay, sweetheart. I’ll stay here for as long as you want, or need.”

His eyes are closed, probably that prowl he went on for you was just as exhausting for him as it was for you as you waited for his arrival. You wouldn’t mind having him sleep with you, despite how big he was. Having him live with you, preferably forever, wouldn’t be something you’d mind either, if it wasn’t in reality your deepest wish...

Excusing yourself for a moment, you get off the bed, switching off the lights to add more to that precious moment. When you return, he had removed his boots and curled up into your bed, almost falling asleep. Poor guy. Throwing yourself by his side, his arms stretch out and grab you, bringing you close to his chest again. Oh, that purr! You could listen to it forever. 

“I’m pretty new here...as you may know, I’m not from this land. I’ve left my home planet, Alternia, when I was around 9 sweeps or so. Much younger than I am now. I’ve been sent to fight to dominate other lands in space with brutality. But I just could not do that ordeal. After one or two sweeps...I hijacked a ship and fled to any planet I could stumble upon. That planet was Earth. My ship fell on water and I had to swim my way to the shore. That’s how, over time, I found my home. This huge congregation of woods...where no one can find me. I’ve seen people strolling around that part of town, trying to find my den, thinking I was some sort of cryptid. For years, like you, I’ve felt alone and excluded from all forms of human interaction. I was seen as abominable. Eldritch. Until that night...I felt understood. “

So...he is just like you? A socially isolated hermit with no friends who just wants someone to love and care for? Your heart feels heavy, after he has told you his story his purring stops and his breathing becomes heavier. His irises glow a dim cyan as he turns you around to stare at your face. Small beads of cerulean start forming on his eye and he lets go of you to pull his hood over his eyes. It’s his turn to let those nasty feelings out, you see.

“I’m so sorry if I’m burdening you, little one...You just felt so right to me...Someone that knew how it felt to be left in the dust...to be different...”

Of course not! He’s not burdening you at all. Instead, it feels like the complete opposite. You were the one who kept whimpering for help out of nowhere in the middle of a phone call. But you just couldn’t help it. Neither could he. You try to calm his feelings by giving his horns a light caress. Seems like the less...awkward way to help him out. His hold on the hood loosens, and he makes a sound of relief, lifting his head slightly. Underneath his thick bangs of hair, you could spot his face flushed cobalt, and his blue tears dribbling from his eyes. Under your touch, he seems to relax completely. Does he really trust you that much in such a short period of time?

“Look, Janavo, I could literally not stop thinking about you ever since we met. You are what’s missing from my life. Do you want to help me become one, dear? Come stay with me for as long as time allows?”

His hands pull away the hair from his eyes and he gazes at you with big, melancholic pupils, still watery from his brief crying session. Sobbing quietly, his mouth slowly bares his teeth as he grins. He just looks so cute that way. Like an enormous puppy...or kitten. Kind of a mixture of the two. 

A pair of hands come and pull you down, aligning your faces together. They settle on your waist, a gentle cyan glow making the atmosphere romantic and placid together with the still-roaring storm outside. You lay your palm on his chest. There come the purrs again. 

“I’d be honoured to do so, doll...with all of my pleasure.”

Your heart explodes and you rub your forehead with Janavo’s. He sticks his tongue out goofily, as if trying to lick your face. You massage his ears a bit, which twitch at the heat from your hand. Those piercings of his seem pretty heavy. His eyes blink slowly as they gaze endearingly at you. A chuckle comes from his mouth, and his warm breath reminds you of how close your lips are to his.

Suddenly...you feel the urge to kiss him. Right when you had that idea flash through your mind, Jan’s hands go up your body to grip your shoulders, and gently pushes his head forwards to press his lips against yours. His lips are soft and warm, and the added texture of his stubble and mustache ends up tickling you a bit, but nothing that disturbs you at a large degree. You can feel him turn his head around a bit to deepen the kiss, purring loudly in your mouth. His sharp fangs poke at the edges of your mouth and nearly draw blood. 

Your hands that were previously holding his ears move to hold his jaw, in an attempt to let yourself take some control of the situation. Janavo lets out a breathy moan and manages to slip his tongue into your mouth, and pulls your body closer to his, to the point where you could feel his chest rumble through his hoodie. His tongue is bifid and has a pair of beads on its surface, which you feel clink against your teeth every once in a while as he explores the intricacies of your mouth. It’s his first kiss with a human being, after all. And he was already so damn good at it. At least through your eyes, since you’ve never kissed anyone before. Despite how large and powerful he was, he was strangely gentle.

Ecstasy overtook your senses as he moaned again, eyes closing and darkening the scene, arms wrapping around your torso and running up and down the fabric of your sweater. You decided to join in with your tongue, and you manage to slide yours inside his own mouth. This makes his purrs evolve into trills as your tongues run along each other and cause drool to leak from the corner of his mouth. You’re loving this so much. 

After what seemed like almost two hours of heaven, Janavo pulls away and licks his lips from the mess made by you two fooling around. Aw, was it just over like that? Your hands let go of his face as you make a little sad sound. In an attempt to satisfy you some more, he places his mouth on your neck and sinks his fangs into your skin slightly. It comes off as unexpected to you, and you gasp. But it feels so good. You don’t want it to end too soon. He suckles at your neck noisily, making you pant. A decent amount of time of that treatment ends in him pulling away and admiring the nice mark he left, and you would make every effort possible to show it off to people. 

The whole lovey-dovey stuff you two engaged in was undoubtedly tiring. You just feel like sleeping at the moment. And, from what you can tell from your friend-turned-lover’s body language, so is he. You sit on your bed and watch him stretch his back and arms while yawning. Holy fuck, those teeth. You really want them sunken into your flesh again any time soon. 

The rain outside has calmed down, from a merciless storm to a rather placid drizzle. Pulling up your sheets, you prepare yourself to finally rest after this whole ride. Not before you lift them and allow Janavo to slither underneath and knead the mattress below him. Sluggishly, he got comfy on his spot of the bed and reached his neck out to give your forehead a soft, sweet kiss.

“I think it’s safe to say this now, but...I love you, Jan.”

His tail curls behind you, and he reaches out to pull you into a tight embrace. You bury your face on the crook of his neck, and hear him purr again. It’s obvious how happy he is to be with you, with how much he loves having physical contact and making the whole live-in decision in just one night. Clearly you two are going to be incredibly happy together.

“I love you too, doll, all I have to do is move my stuff tomorrow morning from the forest den to here and we will be all set.”

Your brain still is so boggled while trying to process all of the events this afternoon. That huge monstrous guy you met in the woods once, who you first thought would maul you to pieces? And who turned out to be a huge softie in a tough shell? He’s going to live with you now. And what a better way to celebrate than with having him sleep with you for the first night? And the next one, and the next one, and the next one...creating so many good memories and feelings.

“Sweet dreams, little one.”

It doesn’t take too long for the both of you to drift off into a peaceful night’s sleep, to the calm sounds of each other’s breathing and the soft rain outside.

[theydontknowaboutusimagines]

Behind the Marriage - Harry Styles Series (Part 1)

You first met in Behind the Album, where you two tried your best to keep your attraction out of your business relationship, but that didn’t work. Then in Behind The Tour, you tried to keep your relationship a secret, and that didn’t work either, especially when you told the entire world you were married. Now, that tour is over and everyone knows of your elopement, you and Harry, must face the consequences of that decision in Behind the Marriage. 

**

“Harry Styles shocks his fans and the world with the declaration of love and his marriage to girlfriend and videographer, Y/N. Styles ended his two-night residency at The Forum with a speech about his girlfriend, who we now know is his wife. We are unsure of just how long the two have been married, but there has been speculation since Styles began his North American leg of the tour spotting a new ring on his left ring finger.

From what we know, Y/N has been Styles’ Videographer since before his self-titled debut album was released. Y/N is credited for filming his Behind the Album documentary that was released on Apple Music a few weeks after his album had debuted. The two began dating during that time after video footage had been leaked showing bits and pieces of their island romance.

Not only was the marriage a shock to all of us at the show and those who were watching a live stream or later found out the news on social, but the fact that Harry himself made the announcement on stage as well. Styles has been known to keep his personal life under tight wraps and as private as possible, never once confirming or denying a relationship with anyone, so hearing him announce to the world he was married as a few fans unsure of what to think about said marriage.

While doing a quick Twitter search, we’ve discovered a discourse amongst Harries (Harry stans) about Harry and Y/N. The discourse includes fans being happy for the newlyweds, fans being unhappy about the marriage and even stooping to the level of it being a fake marriage, and then, of course, there are fans who think Y/N is secretly pregnant hence why they got married after dating roughly over a year.

@ Harryfan1 OKAY BUT HOW HAPPY AND IN LOVE DID HARRY LOOK WHEN WE TOLD US ABOUT HIS FUCKING WIFE THAT IS THE BEAUTIFUL Y/N! I CAN’T THEY ARE SO FUCKING CUTE! CONGRATS @ HARRYSTYLES AND @ Y/N NOW GO MAKE BABIES!!!”

@ Harryfan2 I KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT! HARRY WAS JUST TOO FUCKING HAPPY AND FLIRTY WITH Y/N ON STAGE AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS LEG OF THE TOUR! PLUS WITH THE RING IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!

@ Harryfan3 NOW THAT TOUR IS OVER AND WE KNOW HARRY AND Y/N ARE FUCKING MARRIED... WHAT IF WE GET A BABY BEFORE THE NEXT TOUR! COULD YOU IMAGINE ACTUAL DADDY HARRY ON STAGE! AHHHH

@  Harryfan4 So, how out of character was Harry’s “announcement” at his last show. For someone who has always refused to even acknowledge certain relationships, do you honestly believe he would tell us on stage like that? I think this is PR or some shit because now that he’s off tour, he needs some sort of publicity.

@  Harryfan5  Anyone else find it super odd for Harry to tell us he's married... I mean... he’s so... private... yet here he is willingly and openly talking about his “wife.” The only thing that makes this “arrangement” worse is that we’re most likely stuck with her shit videoing skills for a while.

@ Harryfan6 Does Harry honestly think we believe he’s happy about this marriage? Odds are they were dating, she got pregnant, and since Harry’s like all nice and shit, he’s doing the right thing. Y/N is set for life and doesn’t have to pretend to be his videographer now.

Well, I guess time will only tell how things will work out for the happy couple, but we hope they both get their Happily Ever Afters!

Congrats again, Harry and Y/N, and we can’t wait to see what’ll come next for HS2.

**

A few days had passed since Harry’s final show of the tour. He had some things to finish up in LA and then you both would be flying back to the UK and having a sit down with his family about everything. However, in the midst of your excitement about the whole world knowing about your and Harry’s marriage, you had forgotten that your own parents didn’t know about it and the fact that they still hadn’t met Harry yet.

You had originally planned on them coming out to a show during the tour, but when everything started going on with Max and everything, you told them it was just better to stay put and that you’d come up with a new time and place after a tour.

The phone call you had gotten from your parents about seeing their daughter was married on the news was not a pretty one.

**

Harry was at some lunch meetings with some important people and you were editing some footage from the tour. Your phone started ringing and you instantly saw your father’s name and photo.

“Hey, Daddy,” you answered.

“Y/N, Please tell me why I’ve found out that my daughter is married from a fucking video on the internet and not on a phone call from my daughter?” He asked.

Shit...

“Daddy! I’m so sorry!” you said quickly. “I didn’t know Harry was going to do that. I promise you we were going to tell.”

“Obviously not before you fucking got married? When did this happen? Did he force you into this?” He asked.

“What, no Daddy,” you sighed. “I.. I actually asked him... it was when we were in Jamaica. It literally wasn’t planned, I asked him and then we got married like two days after that.”

“And you couldn’t have called and told us?” He sighed.

“We didn’t even tell his family,” you sighed. “Looking back now, it maybe was a little selfish, but we wanted it to be romantic and just between us. We said we’d have another ceremony or celebration with all our friends and family at a later date...”

“Okay, but that doesn’t matter, Y/N,” he said. “We haven’t even met him yet. We don’t even know the man you expect to spend the rest of your life with.”

“I know, I know, but Daddy, he’s wonderful and amazing. Literally the sweetest and most caring person I’ve ever met. I love him so much and he loves me just as much,” you said softly.

“I believe you, Y/N, but how can I just be happy about this knowing I’ve missed out on such a huge event in your life AND I’ve never met him. I mean, a few chats over Facetime, is not the same,” he said.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. “But I can’t change what happened... I’ll find a way to make this up for you and we’ll figure out a time that works for you and us on meeting up.”

He sighed over the phone,”Your mother is really having a hard time with this. All of our neighbors and the ladies she works with keep asking her about it and she has to act like she was there and saw everything.”

“I don’t know what else to say other than I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“I just hope you’re happy and you don’t end up regretting this decision,” he said.

“I am happy, Daddy, and I won’t,” you whispered. “I love him.”

“Let’s hope so,” he said.

**

Hearing how your parents reacted to the situation made you realize that everything wasn’t going to be rainbows and butterflies now that everyone knew about the marriage. You felt horrible about having your parents find out the way they did and when you told Harry about the conversation with your father, he felt even worse.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he sighed. “I didn’t even think about it when I did that. I never should have-”

“It’s not your fault, it’s mine. When you told me you told your mother, I should have I called them,” you said.

“They’re going to hate me now though,” he sighed. “Before now, I was worried about it, but now they’re going to think I swept you away and tricked you into getting married or something.”

“I told him I asked you to marry me,” you said. “So, even anyone talked or tricked the other into getting married, it’d be me.”

“But that’s not the case,” he said. “I agreed to marry you because I wanted to and I love you.”

“Well, that’s good to know,” you giggled. “You’re not pregnant though, right?”

“As far as I know, no,” he joked. “What about you?”

“Seeing as how I’m currently on my period, that’d be a no,” you laughed.

“How are you dealing with that all?” He asked. “I’ve seen what people have been saying online.”

You shrugged, “I mean at first I was a little annoyed by it, but I know what the truth is and I know how happy we both are, so I don’t really care what those people think they know. And for every tweet or comment hating that we’re married, there are two or three more who are happy and congratulating us.”

“I was thinking after we talked with my Mum and then your parents, of course, we could maybe post a photo from our wedding,” he said.

“Hm, the fans would love that,” you smiled. “But I do have to wonder why you’re okay with being so open about our relationship.” 

“I’m not too open,” he said. “I just... I love you, I’m happy that I’m married to you and I wanted everyone to know that. This doesn’t mean I’m going to be talking about all the details surrounding it, but I’m not going to sit there and deny having a wife.” 

You smiled wrapping your arms around his shoulders. “I love you,” you whispered. 

He smiled putting his hands on your hips, “I love you more.” 

“Doubt it,” 

He laughed pressing his lips against yours.

**

The next day you were on a flight over to the UK. You had thought about going to see your parents first, but they were still upset, they weren’t answering any of your phone calls. You sighed and told Harry just to see his family first and then maybe that’ll give your parents time to cool off.

The entire flight you felt sick to your stomach with nerves. From what Harry had said his mother was really upset and angry over what you two had done and you were worried how she’d react once you two were in front of her. Especially since you two didn’t exactly get off to the best start when she first found out about you and Harry dating.

You also noticed Harry was a little uneasy as he fiddled around in his seat. This had been the first time he had ever done something on this level without his family knowing or being there. You grabbed his hand and laid your head on his shoulder. 

“Everything’s going to be okay, right?” You whispered. “Obviously not right away, but eventually...” 

He kissed your head, “Yes, how our families feel about all of this, will not affect our relationship with each other,” he whispered. “I promise.”

“Don’t worry, okay?” He whispered. “We’re going to fine... perfect.” 

You forced smiled kissing his cheek before laying your head back down. You really hoped he was right, but you just had this feeling inside of you that it wasn’t going to be all that easy. 

[topweeklyupdate]

TØP Weekly Update #59: Taking a Bath (8/24/2018)

As predicted, after a pretty calm preceding week, stuff went totally bonkers. We didn’t quite get a new song, breaking the last few months’ pattern, but we did get plenty other new content to parse through and get excited about. So let’s get into it!

This Week’s TØPics:

Tyler Finishes His Bath (and Trench)

“A Complete Diversion” Pre-Release Concert Announced for London

“My Blood” Snippet Released 

And MORE!

Major News and Announcements:

To kick it off with something totally unexpected: Tyler Joseph tweeted. Twice.

In all seriousness, this would normally go in the “Other Shenanigans” section (though year-long payoff on the bath joke is undeniably epic), were it not for what it might mean for the story of dmaorg.info. Tyler’s desktop background in his image of the completed Trench masters was quickly identified as matching this image of the Nicolas Bourbaki Group, a mathematics society whose de facto leader, Andre Weil, popularized the use of “Ø” as a null sign and whose photo previously appeared on the website. Notably, the image on Tyler’s desktop appears to have had at least one additional figure photoshopped into the doorway, leading to wild speculation as to what the hell this cryptic boy is trying to tell us.

The Clique’s collective attention then shifted from Dema to the real world when the band quietly announced via an unlisted video linked to their UK site that they would be performing at least one pre-album release concert. Entitled “A Complete Diversion”, the show will be held at the O2 Academy Brixton in London on September 12, over a full month before the start of the proper Bandito Tour. The band last played this 5,000 capacity theater during the original Blurryface Tour, and anyone lucky enough to get tickets when they become available this Wednesday, August 29th, will be in for an intimate experience that will likely mark the first time many songs from Trench are played live.

London was one of the first sites where the band’s new logo began to appear on billboards, leading many to speculate that there may be other pre-release dates for smaller shows like this still to be announced. I’m not sure if I totally buy that, though; while London may not seem like the most obvious place for the band to make their return, the UK fanbase is extremely passionate and will have to wait much longer than Americans to see the band perform live. A one-off trip to the UK to play a show and do some interviews with British press to hype the album makes sense. Regardless, I’m just excited beyond words that we’ll be seeing Tyler and Josh onstage again in less than three weeks playing new music. And speaking of new music...

The VMAs, as usual, were a total mess not worth anyone’s time. HOWEVER, they did feature a trailer for Trench, one that featured a nine-second audio clip of "My Blood”. While there’s no sign that we’ll be hearing the rest this groovy track prior to the leaked release date on September 7, let alone get a music video or any other supplementary content, this snippet was enough to send the Clique into a real tizzy. 

Here’s what has me most excited: From the four songs we’ve heard, we know that Trench will feature:

The hardest-edged rock track TØP has ever produced

The most experimental rap-raggae concept track TØP has ever produced

The most committed hip-hop track TØP has ever produced

The funkiest track TØP has ever produced (with a stellar falsetto to boot)

I’m just gonna say it: unless the other ten songs on this project are all mediocre or worse, Trench is already set up to be the band’s most boundary-pushing album to date. Even if it can’t match Blurryface’s financial success, Trench could really have the potential to sneak up and get Twenty One Pilots the kind of critical praise that they’ve deserved for so long (I mean, even The Melon’s on-board). I cannot wait to see what happens.

Other Shenanigans:

I somehow missed this last week, but I should shout out Josh’s latest Instagram post, where he praises his boxing trainer Glenn Holmes for not only helping him improve his rhythm and power on the drums but also for helping him manage his mental health by staying in good physical shape. The band does a lot of great stuff to support those with mental health struggles, but this is one of the more pragmatic and immediately useful bits of advice that either Josh or Tyler have provided. I know from my own experience just how much exercise helps keep your head focused on where you want it to be. So thanks, Josh, that was really cool and you’re looking real good.

Almost immediately after I posted last week’s update, the Clique briefly became concerned that a warped audio clip posted anonymously on YouTube might actually be a real demo for “Pet Cheetah”. Thankfully, Mark hopped on Twitch to quash that real quick before anybody got any funny ideas. And thank God he did- I was actually seeing people say that this reminded them of No Phun Intended in a good way, and I was getting a little concerned. I’m so grateful that Mark is so pragmatic and cares about the fanbase enough to shoot down fake content even if I still haven’t forgiven him for that fake setlist.

Oh, and Jim remains the best boy.

Chart Performance:

Now with a full week of sales tracking, “Levitate” went up exactly one spot on the Rock Sales Chart and made no appearances anywhere else at Billboard- as predicted, it’s genre-bending inclinations are going to keep it from any real mainstream success. “Jumpsuit” still isn’t boasting major sales, but it is continuing to pick up at rock and alternative radio, keeping the dream alive that maybe, just maybe, it can make a comeback and crossover when the album comes out. And if it doesn’t, well, “Stressed Out” was not the lead single from Blurryface and “My Blood” is really out here sounding like a bop already. We’ll see

-

That’s all for this week! Will next week be a quiet one to keep the running pattern going, or is Twenty One Pilots going to make my life a constant state of chaos for the foreseeable future. Only one thing’s for sure: it’s a good time to be a Twenty One Pilots fan.

Power to the local dreamer.

|-/

[ginngardner]

IS YOUR CHARACTER

[001] the face of any products // the closest endorsement tristan has is with fender, but he’s not so much the face of the company as much as a partner. they’re actually releasing a guitar he designed this year.

[002] open about their private life // no, tristan is very adament about keeping his public life and private life separate and has a history of having a very volatile relationship with the paparazzi because of it.

[003] an advocate for any charities // when he believes in them, yes. he won’t donate just for the sake of looking good, and will only give money to or make appearances for causes he actually cares about.

[004] involved in a relationship for publicity // though his management has tried several times to find a girl that’s ‘good for his image, tristan refuses because he has a very honest relationship with his fans.

[005] where they are because of dishonest / shady moves // tristan has mad a lot of mistakes in his career, but integrity is important to him. if he’s done anything shady in his career, it wasn’t intentional.

WHO DOES YOUR CHARACTER

[006] @ / retweet regularly // his fans actually, but it’s very random and only when a tweet generally makes him think or makes him laugh. he’ll usually add some kind of ‘witty’ comment because he thinks he’s funny.

[007] mention most in interviews // his band who have been with him since he was playing smoky bars for tips. he very rarely mentions his family or friends because he doesn’t like talking about his personal life.

[008] go to when they need some help // usually his siblings, because they do maintain a good relationship most of the time and he values their opinions the most since they’re not afraid to be honest with him.

[009] idolize / adore more than life itself // he has so many heroes in the business that he’s been lucky enough to meet and even play with. jimi hendrix is the GOAT for him though, his number one.

[010] want to end up with (in their dreams) // at the end of the day, tristan just wants to be surrounded by a bunch of good people. if he has his family, his band and some good friends then he’s good.

WHAT WAS

[011] the first thing they tweeted // tristan’s twitter was originally made by his manager so for the first year, he never signed into it. until one night he couldn’t sleep and started tweeting back at fans at 2am, which he still does.

[012] the first event they got invited to // the premiere of some movie when he was just starting to get famous because they used one of his songs on the soundtrack. his wardrobe for the night was questionable.

[013] the last (non work related) vacation they took // traveling is very important to tristan and he tries to visit a new country, tour dates don’t count, every year. this year it was the prague in the czech republic.

[014] the first thing published about them on lounge // some photos leaked of tristan and his then girlfriend, who wasn’t famous and lounge posted an article about them from a ‘trusted source’ that was entirely made up.

[015] the project that made them want to act / write / sing / etc. // tristan grew up listening to 80s rock... but it was actually marty mcfly’s guitar performance from back to the future that inspired him to pick up the instrument.

WHY

[016] do they put up with all of the bs that comes with the business // music is who tristan is. it’s all he knows. it’s in his bones. and he can’t imagine his life without it. everything else is just a side effect.

[017] did they pursue the career they’re currently in // tristan never meant to become the pop rock star he did. he just wanted to play music, as part of a band or whatever. the solo career happened on accident.

[018] did they choose the media persona they did // there is no persona, what you see is what you get. tristan has never pretended to be something he wasn’t. the media likes to portray him as a bad boy but... that’s on them.

[019] do they hate gossip magazines so much // he’s always been so honest to his fans about his music and his career but he’s always wanted to keep his personal life separate. tabloids do the opposite.

[020] would they ever make a sex tape // no way. not only does he have no interest in that kind of thing, but sex is a very intimate act and he’s such a private person anyway, he would never risk something like that leaking.

WHERE

[021] did they hear their first song on the radio // he was driving by himself on the highway on the way home after a string of shows and actually had to pull over. then he just laughed because why would anyone play his song?

[022] did they find out they’d landed their first project // he had just walked off stage at a smoky bar in new york city when a man approached him to set up a meeting. he signed a record deal the next day. it all happened very fast.

[023] did they go on vacation after their first big project // after the initial rush of first radio single/first album/first real tour, tristan did some traveling through some of his favorite countries in europe, mostly touristy places like france, italy, germany, spain.

[024] do they live when they want to get away from it all // london will always be home for tristan, but he gets recognized a lot on the street so lately he's been spending a lot of time in the irish countryside and he enjoys it a lot.

[025] was their first big press conference // in london outside of his record label's british sister label, announcing his first full studio album after the surprising success of his debut single.

WAS THEIR FIRST

[026] project embarrassing // embarrassing isn't the right word, but he was still learning a lot about himself, his sound and the recording process then, so it's definitely not his favorite work but he's proud of it.

[027] talk show appearance a wreck // there was a whole "practice" session with his publicist, then in true tristan graves fashion, he went completely off script. so while not a disaster in his eyes, the label wasn't happy with it.

[028] public relationship heavily followed // if tristan had his way, he wouldn't have any public relationships but with his celebrity status it's near impossible to completely evade the gossip, so yes.

[029] fan encounter awkward / nice / sweet / etc. // the first time tristan was recognized outside of a show or work environment, he was grocery shoopping after midnight in pajamas. his hair was a mess and he hadn't shaved but the girl was still excited and got a fun story to tell.

[030] relationship (while famous) talked about at all // tristan has only ever been in a relationship with one other celebrity and that person was a lot more open with their personal life than he was. there were a lot of tabloid stories, most of them false but some things were real so that whole experience was eye opening.

WILL

[031] they ever open any sort of business // there have been rumors about tristan selling his own line of everything from clothes to amps to guitars and even a strange little rumor about male grooming kits but no he doesn't currently have any plans.

[032] they ever win a major, prestigious award // tristan was actually nominated for a grammy for his second studio album but he didn't win. obviously that's something he'd like to cross off the ol' bucket list, but he doesn't make music for awards.

[033] they ever host the smn version of saturday night live // that's been a dream of tristan's for so long and he recently got to be the musical guest on an episode but has not hosted yet.

[034] they ever work tirelessly for years to get a project going // there have been albums released a year apart and there was a three year hiatus once. he writes all of his own music and despite constant pressure from the label, he never wants to rush an album.

[035] they take pictures with fans who approach them on their off time // it honestly depends on what he's doing, where he is and who he's with... and his mood that day. he's usually okay with it but everyone has off days.

DOES YOUR CHARACTER

[036] invest their money wisely // tristan has never really been a big spender. he has expensive things but is more likely to spend it on guitars than fancy things. he did splurge on a house for his family, a penthouse for himself and a cool car though.

[037] work only on projects they love // now more than when he was younger and let a movie use his song for the soundtrack before realizing the film was rubbish. every song he puts out comes from the heart and integrity is so important to him.

[038] care more about the fame than anything // it's never been about the fame for tris. it's always been about the music... but it does go to his head every once in a while. he's only human.

[039] often find they’ve put their foot in their mouth // oh, all the time. especially when it's late at night and he's drunk tweeting. orrr anytime he opens his mouth. he says a lot of stupid shit but he doesn't mean any harm.

[040] hide things from the public because they are afraid / ashamed of what the reaction could be // while he tries to keep his personal life separate from his professional life, it's never been because he's ashamed. he's a very honest person and he's unapologetic about who he is.

DO YOU HONESTLY THINK YOUR CHARACTER

[041] is a good person // yes, but he's flawed like any human being. the media paints a picture of him being an asshole but that's only partially true. he has a good heart underneath the bad boy persona.

[042] will have career longevity // yes, to an extent. music is a big part of who he is as a person and he can't imagine his life without it. he knows that the fame and fortune will inevitably fade away but as long as he can keep putting out music he'll be happy.

[043] deserves the career they have // tristan puts his heart and soul into his music. he's involved in everything from the writing to the producing to the performing and everything on between.

[044] can remain unjaded by hollywood // as long as he has the freedom to make the music he wants to make instead of conforming to what a label or anyone else wants him to be, sure. the moment he changes into something he's not is the moment he walks away.

[045] will spend the rest of their life with the person they marry // given that he has no immediate plans to get married, that's up in the air. he's called a heartbreaker by the media but he would never cheat so if he ever does get married, he will be loyal to that person as long as they are.

GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY WOULD YOUR CHARACTER

[046] date / marry a fan // probably not, if only because he would spend the entire relationship wondering if they married tristan the person or tristan the celebrity.

[047] star on any type of reality show // no way. he hates reality tv and has probably turned down an offer to appear. he might cameo on a show or movie franchise he's a fan of but never reality tv.

[048] donate to charity / do good deeds without publicity // he actually does this on a regular basis. he has a few charities he holds close to his heart and is very involved in one called music cares. though some of his appearances are publicized, not all of them are.

[049] say exactly what they think about the ins/outs of fame // probably not directly but he's definitely made indirect commemts about his feelings on the industry.

[050] walk comic con without any security (in or out of disguise) // no because getting recognized would ruin the fun of going AS a fan. maybe in a costume but again, probably not.

[noexit-ff]

8.

I have been on the phone for most part of the time since I left my hotel room, Jay Brown keeps on side eyeing me to get off but Chris is awake for me so of course I am going to be on the phone to my baby “are you going now? To your apartment with your ex-lover?” I hate when he says that “stop it, I am going now to get my things. Why do you keep saying that? It’s annoying” he wants me to argue with him “because it annoys you and also you never moved in with me, it’s just you know. We are in love and always have been but never moved in together, just gets me annoyed” he won’t drop it that we never moved in together “well it will happen soon, anyways I think you should go to sleep. Call me when you wake up, I will let you know if anything happens” I want to say I love you to him but Jay is staring at me “I love you, good night” I disconnected the call, I feel so bad “long phone call?” he said, nodding my head texting Chris quickly.

To: Chris

From: Robyn

Sooooo sorry!! Jay Brown was staring at me, I love you soooooo much! I can’t wait to see you already, Cannes was so perfect x

Pressing send on the message “where are you taking your things? Storage?” my manager asked, looking over at Mel not knowing myself “somewhere, I am actually moving back to LA. I think you missed the memo when I asked for my apartment in New York to be put up for sale” Mel finally looked over at me “Noella said she is moving your stuff” Jay Brown opened his mouth and then closed it “why?” he finally said “a change, I know I said I hate LA but work is there” he shook his head in disbelief “but why now? You have shit to do, you have an album to promote, a tour” Chris’ words hit me hard, I mean like his dick inside of me, he be putting my ass out to sleep. I want to be selfish now, I want this to be about me “I am not touring” I said finally “what?” looking up at the high-top building, my old apartment where he lives and is waiting for me “not touring, I have private matters to attend” I need to be strong in this about my future with Chris, my phone vibrated in my hand. Unlocking my phone to see the message from Chris.

From: Chris

To: Robyn

I miss you too, Cannes was gone so quick. Let me know if you want me to come to you, I have nothing to do :)

Chris is so adorable “we need to talk after this” Jay Brown said. My bodyguard opened the door for me with Jen behind him “shall we get the show on the road then” I guess we better, Jen smiled at me. I didn’t come here to argue but I want to make sure all of my things get packed, I don’t know why I moved in with Adam in the first place, I think it was just something I was trying to run away from which is Chris. I ran away because Chris wasn’t changing and I kept falling into his lap every time, but he has changed now. The doorman smiled at me, I won’t be seeing him after this “how are you feeling about seeing Adam?” Mel asked, I shrugged “I have no hard feelings just the love wasn’t there” entering the elevator, this is going to be fun. We all got into the elevator with the removal team “you bought your shit here just for it to go back” Rich smiled at me saying “you know me” I can never make my mind up.

Adam is stood waiting for us, I don’t think he expected so many people here but I want this done quickly “please everyone, make sure my things are packed right” I announced walking by Adam “I already packed some of your things” Adam said but I ignored him, I spent many of nights very bitter about things here. Ok, I hate this place “can you just move back please” Rich said behind me, I know who that will be at, but he better leave me alone. Walking into the bedroom “did you enjoy playing with my clothes?” they are all over the bed “we were once all over that bed” he said so smug. Pulling a face, what is wrong with him “are you going to follow me around?” turning around to face him “I am sorry that I proposed to you that way that I did” he apologised “you thought using the man I love would work, I guess it back fired. It’s fine, I guess I needed a wake-up call. And that bitch woke my ass up” Adam looks so bitter “I miss you” chewing on my lip staring at him “I wish I could say the same” that was so mean of me “you do look happier” I shrugged not saying a word “does he make you happy?” Adam mumbled “what do you mean?” what is he even talking about “the new man you are with, clearly you didn’t waste any time in finding the one. I read and saw a picture of you and some guy on the beach, sun lounger” my eyes bulged out “what?” what is even these pictures “well it’s clearly some guy there, can only see you though” I am more than shocked “nothing to do with you” turning on my heels all wide eyed, there is fucking pictures or a picture, oh my god. We might have been caught.

I am dying to leave now, I want to see these pictures, what is even this. Nobody has contacted me at all about some pictures “I knew as soon as Chris came back into your life you would be gone, I really fell for you” he is like a dog, he won’t leave me alone “you’re just another guy that has fallen for me, nothing new here. Please, just let me pack and go. Jen please make sure that box is safe!” I pointed, that box of locked things is precious “oh I will” that has the things Chris had got me, also the pictures and videos of us “your box of Chris Brown” Adam spat, I couldn’t stop myself but I slapped his arm “you are obsessed with Chris more than he is with you. I pray you are not with him again, if the new man can make you happy then so be it but I would hate for you to go back to your old self, you are more than stupid. If Chris wanted you so much then he would have been chasing you before we got together” waving him off “fuck you Adam! You are one bitter little man. Kiss my ass too, actually forget that because I wouldn’t even let you kiss my ass in the first place. Missionary position my motherfucking ass, I got off to Chris’ nudes more then you! Oh you want to hear home truths, I thought your mom is a bitch, your dad is well he can’t even speak English. I was that ashamed of you that I couldn’t show you to my mom, don’t ever think you are above anyone Adam because you ain’t. Fuck you and this motherfucking apartment” I shouted at him storming off, I am angry and annoyed “oh this!” pointing at the long mirror I bought “this is mine!” picking what I could find and throwing it at the mirror “Robyn, calm down bitch” Adam think he is so smug “I always thought you was a bit of an easy person, seeing as Chris got in your panties a lot of times. You were easy to get too, I mean you didn’t open your legs easy” Rich moved me back “you better shut your fucking mouth” Rich pointed at Adam “we are going, Jen you are staying and packing” Mel spat.

Sitting in the car with Mel “calm down, you just broke that mirror, you crazy bitch” Mel closed the car door “so what, he disrespected Chris. I don’t care about me, but Chris, I do!” shaking my head looking out of the car window “well, let Jen and them pack the things away” taking in a deep breath “he looked through my box of things and I don’t know how! He fucking looked in my things, I have really private things in there about Chris” I am so fucking angry “I didn’t know you kept a box of Chris memories” I guess everyone knows now “yeah I do, anyways. Pictures” getting my phone out from my pocket, what if people know before we were ready to tell. Unlocking my phone “there is pictures?” Mel said, searching my own name and the first shit to come up, Daily Mail “oh god” I hope they don’t get Chris’ face, waiting for the post to load “Rihanna with a new man” I said aloud scrolling down, pulling a face “I am crying, oh my god” passing my phone to Mel, I am crying on a fucking beach “they don’t mention Chris, how weird though” how shameful, fucking paparazzi.

I know I just put the phone down with Chris but I am calling him again, I hope he is awake but he will be. Placing him on speakerphone “I am more upset that Mijo and I look happy” Mel is stupid “ok and? That is a good thing” the ringing soon stopped “what’s up?” his husky voice “were you asleep?” stupid question “a little but you good? I told you, you’re my main. This phone is for you, it’s on loud so when it rings I know it’s you. So then I make the effort to answer. Even though you assumed I am cheating” there was that, I was thinking “you are so cute stop it, anyways did you see the pictures of us on the beach?” the phone fell silent “uh yeah, I was supposed to tell you but I totally forgot with all the shit I am trying to sort out. Well my publicist called me, she said that the European paparazzi got pictures of me and you, and I mean pictures of us walking, talking. Hugging, kissing. Everything was pictured, so I was like shit. I could either let it leak out and let the blogs get it or I can shut it down, I bought the pictures and the rights to them. There is no pictures of me, it just looks like you are on your own but with someone” letting out an oh “you could have got the crying pictures too” how shameful “there were crying pictures? Honestly, my people just got the picture of me, sorry. I was thinking, I was like, if I let this go through then we about to get hounded so forget it. I bought them to protect us both” he is thinking of us “ok, well thanks for telling me late. You told me in the end” I said while catching Mel roll her eyes “yeah, are you still moving out? You done with that” I could tell him or let him sleep in peace “still doing it, I will not call you no more. Just sleep, sorry” I giggled “I am so annoying” Mel scoffed “you sound like a child” she scolded “you ain’t annoying, you my annoying baby though. Good Morning or Night whatever time it is there, love you big head” I am dying to see him already “love you too big butt” Chris chuckled “I think you got a fetish for my booty, you keep speaking about it and then trying to finger my ass” let me get him off the phone “anyways!!! Bye!” disconnecting the call “you really did that?” she pointed at the phone and stared at me in disgust “I barely poked it, he is lying” waving her off.

I did that to him once, I can’t believe he is remembering that “can we just forget what he said and can you explain your face pulling? You have been annoyed with things, something has changed in you” I always know when something has changed with Mel “nothing, just tired” that is a lie “you barely did anything, it was me that woke up early. Don’t play me, Mijo is back in your life and now you’re all uptight and upset” I know it has something to do with him “because he said a few things, he said he needs to think of his kids” staring at Mel “what is that supposed to mean?” I am confused “I am just a side bitch” she said, nodding my head “ok, but that is what I thought was happening? You just wanted dick?” Mel huffed shuffling out of the car “Melissa!” I spat but she closed the car door on me.

Holding up the tee with my blunt in-between my lips, placing the tee down and moving the blunt back “I like it, I want this and the third tee in the collection” I have nothing else to do but push my clothing line out, I enjoy it though. I have no manager now so I am a free agent, I have nothing to do and no work but just chill at home. I am creating my own work, people come to me anyways “well if we leave this for you and your homies, we can just make more” nodding my head blowing the smoke out from my lips “I want you to send a care package to some of my friends, get them to wear it and also a special one for someone. I want you to make it a unique women’s wear for her” my clothes designer stared at me in confusion “who are we speaking about?” I paused chewing on my bottom lip “you have to keep this quiet, nobody can know. It’s for Rihanna” he let out an oh “wow, I am scared. She might not like it” smiling at him “she will, just sort me out. Aight?” I want my woman to wear my clothing line when she can, I know she will for me.

Throwing the ball down my yard as my dog ran after the ball, sitting down on the step. My dog didn’t even get the ball, he did a U-turn and came at me “woah shit!” he jumped onto my lap with his big ass “you want some loving don’t you!” stroking his head “nigga, there is some transit vans for you outside the gate? Did you order something?” stroking my dog staring at Lo in confusion “nah, nothing. Did they say who?” I am not expecting anything or anyone, not even Robyn. She ended up in Australia, her people ain’t shit “they said Christopher Brown, I ain’t let them in. I don’t trust them” neither do I, getting up from the step and my dog jumped off me “get Sinko fat self to find out, I ain’t going out there” walking back inside “stay here boy” I don’t want my dog’ big ass in here “I will go out there” Sinko said, what if niggas coming to get me. He can get his ass shot at, the fuck am I going to do going out there. Changing my TV channel to the security cameras “wait, hold up. Since when did this nigga have a gun? Y’all fucking me? Sinko about to get cancelled as fuck” I don’t want that shit, staring at the transit vans. They look legit as fuck, why is he doing that.

Opening the gate, fuck Sinko’ stupid ass. They look legit anyways, making my way outside “you can get the fuck out of my house, why do you have piece in my home!?” I spat, he shrugged like a dumbass. The guy was about to get inside his transit van but got back out “Chris Brown” he said my name in such a British accent “uh yeah” looking behind him “y’all can go, I will do shit myself. Everyone leave” they getting on my nerves, walking up to the guy “we were told to bring all this here” staring at him in confusion “bring what? From who!?” I have not asked for anything “Robyn Fenty” furrowing my eyebrows “nah, I don’t believe you” she would have told me this shit “show me what’s inside the transit van” he nodded his head “of course, I will show you” I don’t believe Robyn would drop this off here, there is like six transit vans, is she crazy. Staring at the back of the transit van “fuck” rubbing the side of my face “you believe me now?” the delivery driver said, licking my lips thinking where do I put this “uh yeah, sure. I guess” she could have told me, I don’t know where to put her things.

I got rid of my homies, they are stupid “where would you like me to put this dress” taking in a deep breath “uh, I have no idea, erm. Just put that in the cinema room, just every dress in there” the garage and closet is mine, I don’t understand why she didn’t tell me this. She doesn’t call for two days and gives me this surprise, thank you Robyn “how much is left?” this shit has been pouring in “just one transit van left, and it’s shoes and handbags” rolling my eyes “and to think she uses the same handbag and she has more than that” she can’t leave this just here, she wants to move but is sending the shit here. The first guy I spoke to earlier came up to me “sorry I couldn’t verify who we were earlier, just that she was very clear on orders. We can’t speak to anyone” nodding my head “it’s cool, just wondering when this will all stop. Women” I guess this is what my ass gets for complaining about moving in.

I would call her ass but she is busy, she said she will call me soon “what am I going to do? She moved her whole shit here, to a place she doesn’t even want to stay in” my dog whined walking off, I feel the damn same. She really got my ass back anyways, pushing myself off from the side of the table. Let me clean some of the mess they left, I may actually snoop around and see what she got. I know her ass got some dildos, she nasty as fuck. Hearing the buzzer go off “oh my god, I swear to god” if this is more stuff, I am going to scream at her. Well whoever it is just came through the gates, I never closed them anyways. Pulling open the door, moving my head back seeing Rich “just dropping her off” he pointed behind him “Robyn?” seeing her pick up her handbag from the floor that she dropped when she got out “is this even real?” walking by Rich “I’m home” she shrieked running at me “what?” wrapping my arms around Robyn, holding her close. Lifting Robyn up from the ground as I did.

I am in such a shock, she isn’t even supposed to be here “I am glad you got my stuff, this is me moving in. Actually no, I am not staying here but I am home” following behind Robyn, she is checking where I have put things “just wait” grabbing Robyn’ arm, yanking her back into me “I have missed you so much, just tell me how? Why? What is happening?” placing my hands on either side of her face “tell me, what are you doing back? You have been so busy and then you were in Australia?” pressing a kiss to Robyn’ lips “well they tried to make me busy but I kept going back to what you said, this is so important for us Chris, this moment now is important. I am choosing you over that, I was done once we got to Australia. I said no to a tour, I am not touring Chris. I am staying in LA, I am renting a place out and I am choosing you over my career. I kind of ran away anyways” staring at Robyn in shock, she let out a giggle “I will be getting phone calls soon but I am here and with you!” this is mind blowing “I never put you first either Chris, we both failed each other. Not anymore” I feel all choked up, wrapping my arms around Robyn “I don’t care if you not staying here, you’re here though” I am in shock, this is a big step for her “it got to me how they kept adding to my schedule and I was like no! I never got to even explain what happened to when I moved my things out, that was like a week and a half ago. He called me words but I am done, I want to just be a mother and wife now” I cooed out “you’re mine now, I ain’t ever going to let you down” she has finally done it “I wanted to just call you, just to speak to you but I was so tired. I came back on my own with Rich, just for you” I feel so emotional “you did” I choked out.