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#and im gonna think about it for the next 4 months
roxiestranger19 · 2 days
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OBX 4 PREDICTIONS
hello only probably like 2 people are gonna see this but I gotta get these thoughts out of my head. My predictions for OBX4!!! (this is mainly gonna be about JJ and Jiara because they’re my favorite)
JJ focused season finally! He’s been my favorite character from day 1 and i’m so glad that there’s hopefully gonna be more of him this season. It looks promising from the trailer but who knows.
JJ AND KIARA!!! Yall im so excited for them to finally be together. All im asking for is one kiss in good lighting and it looks like we’ll get it.
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This scene specifically has me screaming and kicking my feet already.
On the topic of jiara i think the writers are gonna make them go through everything in the book. Between Kies parents to JJs dad potentially coming back to jjs impulsivity in general.
3) This leads me to my next point on how i think the season is gonna go in terms of Jiara. In the first couple episodes i think we’re gonna rewind to the 18 month time jump and finally see them together and see them doing all the normal couple shit and it’s gonna be beautiful and wonderful. Hopefully we’ll see how they support each other through their parent drama, mainly kies.
Then I think they’re going to either get in a fight or break up whenever JJ starts being really impulsive with the money like we saw in the trailer. I also think this is where Luke’s gonna come in if he does make an appearance. I think Luke is gonna guilt JJ into giving him money and JJs gonna come to some agreement with him. JJs either gonna not tell kie about it and it’s gonna cause a blowup when she inevitably does find out or she’s gonna know from the beginning and advise JJ not to help Luke but he does it anyway. This is gonna go back to the self sabotaging topics from season 3 and how JJ just can’t realize that his dad is a piece of shit and Kies gonna give him the ultimatum of either her or his dad which he’s then not gonna be able to choose.
If Luke isn’t the reason for a Jiara fight then I believe it will be because of his impulsivity with his life and the money. We saw in season 3 that JJ is willing to sacrifice himself for the good of the group and that’s where the dirt bike racing is gonna come in along with gambling and betting the money. (Bonus points if someone tells him “you’re just like your dad”) This is the point that I feel has the strongest amount of evidence because in the teaser we saw the races and JJ and John Bs conversation on how they have everything to lose now. We also know from the trailer that JJ spent the last of their money so he feels the need to earn it all back himself in the fastest way possible which would be betting on winning the race. Also if Rafe is his competition this is more reason for him to bet everything on the race. I’m gonna guess he does not win the race which is then why they agreed to take on the black beard case.
This then brings us up to date after the 18 month time jump to the ceremony and my previous reasons for Jiara fighting would check out with why JJ and Kie were being so awkward at the ceremony.
Anyways JJ is gonna kinda take the lead with the case because again, he feels like he owes it to the rest of the group since he spent the last of their money and/or gambled it away. He also might think that this could win kiara back although that most likely won’t be the case since all kie wants is for JJ to realize that he matters and she loves him no matter what he has or doesn’t have.
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I think that this scene is gonna be Kie explaining these things to JJ. Also as much as i want this scene to be full Jiara lovey dovey steamy shit, i don’t think that will be the case. I actually would be just as happy if this was a “there was only one bed” trope because the rest of the pogues are coupled off and who knows maybe this will lead to a kiss or cute cuddling moment, either way i’ll be happy.
I think that the rest of the season will be filled with angst and tension from JJ and Kie because they clearly are obsessed with each other and can’t just turn off their feelings. I think this will be way more interesting than if they stayed coupled up all season because their whole relationship is fiery banter and let’s face it, John B and Sarah’s relationship is boring compared to Jiara because there’s no drama or fire. Also think about all the protective JJ moments we can get from this especially the scuba scene?! Or when it comes to Rafe. We saw in the teaser that JJ punches Rafe with Kiara in the background. Plus with them “supposed” to be broken up or fighting, but unable to stay away from each other both internally and externally bc everyone else in the group is paired together, we’re gonna get a bit of “forbidden romance” and longing looks and jealousy and tension galore which is gonna make every scene with them together electric. I have no idea how their relationship is gonna end up at the end of the season but i hope they’ll be back at where they were at the beginning during the time jump.
4) In terms of the ending and the other bits and pieces i honestly have no idea where it’s gonna end. I want to say they win and solve the blackbeard case but they have a pretty bad track record with that. Also depending on how many more seasons the show has left is a big component in this. I don’t think the show could go past a fifth season. Also don’t know where the scenes with JJ breaking windows and destroying things fits in. It appears to be in the OBX but who knows.Living for those moments though. this is probably another reason why Jiara breaks up. Could have to do with Rage and Topper or his dad but i have no idea. Maybe Barry is coming for him because JJ did steal from him and Barry used to sell to Luke.
5) Rafe and Topper
don’t have a single clue how they’re gonna fit into this after the 18month time jump. We only really saw them in the OBX or at the bike race. I guess there’s potential for them wanting to get in on the blackbeard case but i don’t really see it tbh. I’m guessing they’re gonna have a separate plot from the pogues or it’s just gonna be slightly related through sarah or something.
6) THE BOMB Here are my different guesses for what this could mean.
JJ dies. this seems to be what everyone thinks but i really don’t see this happening. i don’t think Rudy hates OBX as much as everyone thinks he does i think he just gets caught at the wrong times and everyone reads into it. If they do write him off though i will never forgive them it literally wouldn’t make sense it would destroy me. and it better be a damn good death and be actually really sole crushing and good writing. giving jj a good death would be the least they can do if they choose to go this.
JJ and Kie break up. As i said before i actually think this would make sense for them but i do think it would come to a shock to many people hence them saying that a “bomb is gonna drop on them”
Luke comes back. Again like i said this is pretty likely especially since there’s a leaked picture with luke and JJ in it. In terms of it having huge effects on Jiara, this depends on JJs decisions.
JJs mom. Maybe he suddenly figures out a way to find her or something else i literally have no idea
Rafe and Kiara. Can’t see kiara cheating on JJ. Maybe we finally get to see what happened during kies kook year. Don’t see how that would affect Jiara now though.
Kies parents. Might’ve had more of an impact on their relationship during the 18months but i can’t imagine that’s the reason for something blowing up between them after that since they don’t care about their opinion
time for my really crazy theories
pregnancy. kie getting pregnant would be a bomb. don’t imagine the writers doing this because it’s just not that type of show but it would make things interesting. especially if she finds out while they’re broken up or fighting, it would add a lot more tension and jj would be a lot more protective of her.
Luke and Anna. in season 2 luke mentions something about knowing anna. Always thought that was an interesting point. Maybe they had something going on in high school and when JJ and Kie figure that out if kinda deters them and makes them question a lot. idk these are crazy.
jj and sarah share a mom. always liked this theory. think it has possibility but very unlikely. don’t think this would relate to the plot very much or impact Jiara.
anyways that is all. If you read all the way through this i appreciate you.
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userwoosan · 2 years
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How are people so rational and capable of not being bitter
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famewolf · 6 months
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im punching and punching and punching my anxiety today
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trentskis · 2 years
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good night girls (gn) and william saliba
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orcelito · 1 year
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oh fuck it's may now
my birthday is in 12 days
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halinski · 1 year
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Trigger warning for sh topic in tags, just me rambling, dont read, if you do its at your own risk of wasting your time lol 🙈
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kellystar321 · 2 years
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#periodical life updates#finished all my criminology homework! now i got sunday off to chill and maybe draw and also me and my sibs might go to chinatown? but idk#because dad's bbq-ing which might change some plans. anyway! eating dinner now :> its not my favorite but it is okay <3#high priority art to-dos: commission | daily eca (for tomorrow and the project) | art for *** and ******* | annual birthday redraw#general arts: mrd thing for monday | solepsi art | things for the ace iterations | the cases ref#self indulgence: drawtectives (i wanna draw more eugenes) | agent | fun ace things#my queue is winding down so that might go quiet in a bit <3 there's about a dozen things left <3 we'll see i suppose <3#project sekai updates: cannot believe i have to wait 6 more events until the next wxs event i just want a cool emu :'0#my strongest team is all four stars except for a three star emu; i just want a 4 star for her <3 also!! nicori smile survey for that event!#and also its probably the one where tsukasa makes a child cry by yelling about how hes gonna be a cool star hgkjh#but theres been so many events that just! arent wxs! it's been 13 events since the last one to the next one we get u-u <33 i miss them;;;#but we get some mmj ones so at least theres that <3 mmj's my assigned group and wxs's my favorite group so i have an attachment to both <3#but yeah im gonna save up gems for a cool emu card <3 theres the valentines day one too? AND ALSO. TSUKASA AS A KNIGHT?#FOR THE WHITE DAY EVENT!! HE LOOKS AESTHETIC AS HEL I LOVE KNIGHTS!!! <3 so maybe i'll try for those!!#im also writing a drawtectives fic and recently i drew some aces from one of the old aus <3 i miss him i love my little guy <33#im downloading all my old twitter archives. i have a lot of memories there i need to keep or else i'll be so sad <3 trying my best <33#i have school on monday as usual <3 can you believe my birthdays coming up this month? it feels like ive been 21 forever hgjkh <3#i think thats all the updates for now; im sleepy <33 goodnight. thank you for reading; ily <33
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sillyabtmusic · 1 year
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ohhhh louis trans flag im emotional
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AHHHHHH
TEARS OF THE KINGDOM GAMEPLAY TRAILER??????????
TIME MANIPULATION ABILITIES??????
Fusion Abilities????????
HOMING ARROWS????????
MACHINE CRAFTING????????
NeW mUsHrOoMs
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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Older Elf 1: So, how’s it feel to hook up with another claus?
Older Elf 2:  Finally got an actual pay off with the last one, going for head elf now? 
Older Elf 3: Or are you just trying to keep that office of yours? 
Clarke: 
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on god got struck witha thought
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chiritori · 2 years
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im so scared im not going to pass my classes this semester
#its basically gonna have to be 24/7 homework lockdown for the next month if i want to do even okay in all of them#im really really sad because i had to cancel on my halloween plans so i can finish this overdue essay i need done by tonight#everyones out in costumes and having fun with their friends and im inside alone having a breakdown over school#this sucks ass#im glad i was able to go to a party this weekend and dress up but tbh the party was mid af#i also flaked on a house party i was supposed to go to last night because i was sick and my bfs were over#i feel like the different aspects of my life are getting so unbalanced and its scaring me and making me depressed#how am i supposed to balance 4 demanding classes & a fulfilling social life & 2 relationships all at the same time#not to mention sooner rather than later im going to have to worry about jobs and internships too#ive been a shitty friend to my besties recently bc i keep flaking on them & am broke all the time & am generally just a disorganized mess#i feel like they think im putting them on the backburner for my relationships. and i honestly think thats kind of true#i just need to find any kind of balance to my life because everything is out of whack and my life is falling apart#my executive functioning is so poor and im sick & in pain all the time and ive been in a depressive episode for the past month and a half#i have no idea how to exist as a functional adult in a body that is falling apart both physically and mentally#i cannot take even more time off of school & i want to graduate as soon as possible but after that im all on my own and then what#it all just leads to a dead end. theres nothing im working towards anymore and i have no motivation to do anything and im so stressed out#i just dont know how to fix this. i dont know how to dig myself out of this hole#vent
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lewisvinga · 5 months
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born to die | fernando alonso x fem! reader
summary: after their engagement, y/n realized her and fernando may have different views of the future. it makes her wonder if they were really born to die.
warnings; age gap, cursing, angst/fluff
word count; 1.28k
taglist; @namgification @louvrepool @locelscs @thehufflepuffavenger1 @minseok-smaus @goldenmclaren @ollieshifts @lavisenri @graciewrote @xoscar03
note; and this is it u guyssss🥹 i enjoyed this series sm and i’m so thankful 4 everyone who read n enjoyed it<33 im gonna miss it sm but keep a look out for my next music f1 series 😁
‘born to die’ series masterlist !
masterlist !
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“But are you really ready to settle down?” Y/b/f asked Y/n during their biweekly brunch dates. The topic of marriage came about after due to Y/n started wedding planning a few months after being engaged.
Her best friend knew her more than anyone. They grew up together. So Y/b/f knows that Y/n never wanted to settle down so quickly. She knew that she wanted to spend her 20s having fun and completing her master's.
Marrying someone who is already in their 40s and wants to settle down as soon as possible meant there was a conflict between their futures.
“I mean, not yet.” Y/n sighed, grasping into the cup of tea as she shrugged. “I love Fernando, I do. I don’t want kids yet. I want to wait a few years and-“
“But does he know that? That’s a man who wants to settle down already and have a house in the countryside. That’s a man who wants children soon.” Y/b/f interrupted her, genuine concern written all over her face. “He’s a great guy and I love that he makes you happy but is that what you really want? Having kids means giving up a lot and you know that I know that.” She added about her own child. “And He just signed another contract with Aston Martin. If you do have kids, he won’t be around to help you much.”
Y/n let out a groan, running her hands over her face. “I was lost before I met him. I was so confused as a little child but he gave me a sense of meaning. I love Nando, I truly do. But It’s just,” She sighed. She looks out the window of the restaurant and watches busy people walking down the sidewalks. “Now that I think about it, we view the next 5 years completely differently.”
Y/b/f reaches out and grabs her hand, forcing Y/n to look back at her. “Just think about it, okay? I love you and I just want the absolute best for you.”
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Y/n sat on the top step of the front patio of her shared home with Fernando, staring out onto the gloomy skies. Despite it being sunny when she was at brunch, by the time she got home it was drizzling. However, the rain usually calmed her and in a moment where she was deep in her thoughts, she definitely needed to be calmed.
She was so lost in her thoughts of her future that she didn’t notice her fiancé’s Aston Martin pulling up to the driveway. The Spaniard was confused as to why his fiancée was sitting on the patio with a sad look on her face.
“What’s wrong, mi amor?” He asked. He sat down next to her and caressed her arm. Hearing the concern laced in his voice was the triggering act for her.
“Do you think this is the right time for us to get married?” Y/n asked, keeping her eyes on her fiddling fingers. She hears Fernando’s breath hitch as he sits up straight.
“Why do you think that?”
“Fernando, you’re older than me, like a lot older and-“
“You just noticed?” He asked in a teasing tone in hopes to lighten the mood a bit.
She just sighed in response and crossed her arms over her chest. “Fernando, we both have different views of the next 5 to 10 years and you know that. I’m still young. I want to go out and party and enjoy my life. I just started my master's degree. But I know you want to retire in a few years. I know you want to have kids as soon as possible and settle down. But I-“
Y/n takes a deep breath as she glances up at her fiancé. “I don’t want that. Not yet at least. Not until I finish my master's. I don’t want to settle down just yet. Y/b/f had to stop so many things when she had her son. It makes me wonder if we’re really meant to be. Maybe you and I, we were born to die.”
Fernando’s minute of silence made her heart drop. He looked like he was lost in his thoughts, similar to how she was moments prior. “What are you even talking about, Y/n? We were born to die? Come on, mi amor!” He exclaimed, standing up to his feet. Her eyebrows furrowed up as she copied him by also getting on her feet, ignoring how the rain began to come down harder.
“Maybe it’s true, Fernando!”
“It’s bullshit.” He let out a laugh as he ran his hand over his beard. “Whatever you’re thinking, it’s bullshit. Yes, we’re different ages. The road gets tough, it happens and I don’t know why, but we carry on. That doesn’t mean we’re born to die. Come on!” He continued, his eyebrows furrowed up.
“Are you even listening-“
“I am and what you’re saying is bullshit like I said!” Fernando responds, taking a step closer to her. “Amor, yes, I want children. Yes, I dream of us one day living on the coasts of Spain with our kids but that doesn’t mean I want it right away. I want you to achieve your degree. I want you to enjoy yourself first because it’s not up to me when we have kids. It’s all you.”
“Yeah, but-“
“What do I have to do to prove this to you?”
Y/n raised her eyebrows in confusion as she tilted her head. “What do you mean ‘prove’ it to me?” She asked, confused by his words.
He takes a step back with a shrug. “Prove that I don’t care if you want to wait to have kids. Prove that I wanna marry you because I love you, not to settle down.”
“Well, you don’t need to prove-“ She pauses in her words when she sees him take a step down. She lets out a sigh, her hands falling to rest by her side. She knew immediately by the glint in his eyes what he wanted to do. “Fernando, no. You’re going to get sick.”
He takes another step down.
“Fernando, stop that!”
He takes one step back and is immediately met with the pouring rain. In seconds, his clothes and hair were drenched but he didn’t care. Not one bit.
“Fernando, come back! The longer you stay there the more likely you’ll be sick.” She scolded him but he simply smiled in reply.
“I’m not leaving unless you join me.”
Y/n crosses her arms, glaring at Fernando who keeps smiling. She let out a sigh of defeat as she took a couple steps down the stairs and made it out into the rain. He immediately pulls her close by her waist. She lets out a yelp and balances herself by holding onto his shoulders.
“I love you and I want to marry you, mi amor. I don’t mind waiting 5, 10, even 15 years for us to have kids and ‘settle’ down.” He loudly says over the sound of the rain hitting the pavement. “I just want you.”
She laughs in disbelief, resting her forehead against his chest. “We can figure it all out later, right?”
“It’s just you and me right now, mi amor,” Fernando says. He cups Y/n’s face with one hand, forcing her to look up. He took a second to admire her features and her messed-up makeup from the rain. He leans down, kissing her hard in the pouring rain. Her previous thoughts immediately washed away the moment she felt his lips on her. Maybe they weren’t born to die.
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mmurderhousewrites · 6 months
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Rich Baby Daddy pt. one (sukuna x reader)
Summary: You're invited to a party by a close friend and end up bumping into someone from your past.
Warnings: none.
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The mornings used to be your favorite. Waking up next to your hunk of a man. The sun shining through your bedroom windows. Oh how you missed those lovely mornings.
Now however, your mornings consisted of you waking up at the crack of dawn due to your crying 4 year old. bathing and clothing not only yourself but your child as well, making breakfast, and somehow managing to get to work on time.
Now on your days off, if you were lucky, Yuji, your son, would sleep in. And if god was somehow on your side that day, your baby daddy might even come pick up his son for awhile, giving you some free time. But those days were rare considering Sukuna is a business man.
Sukuna is the CEO of jujutsu tech, a huge electronic corporation. you had met him through your close friend getou and hit it off. Eventually you two moved in with each other and not long after that he got you pregnant.
Times have changed though unfortunatley. Sukuna is a very hard working man, so hardworking that he put his job before his own family. About a year after yuji was born you decided to leave after getting into a big argument with sukuna, taking yuji with you.
At first you stayed with your parents for a while before finding yourself a cute apartment in the city, it was a two bedroom 1 and a half bathroom. That's where you and yuji have been ever since.
You and your baby dad have had a neutral relationship ever since, sukuna of course always trying to get you to go back but times have changed and you are a new woman.
As of now it was about 1:00pm. You worked as a journalist in the new station in the city, not to far from your apartment. sitting at your desk, going through old news feed, your phone dings.
Looking over you see youve gotten a message. It was from Getou.
Geto: hey, theres some kind of party later a friend of mine is hosting. Wanted to know if u were interested in being my plus 1 ;p
You giggle to yourself. What a flirt. You could always drop yuji off to your parents for the night, after all they loved your little pink haired baby. And on top of that you could use a night out.
Quickly typing back to geto you respond,
Me: Sounds interesting.. Whats the dresscode?
geto: formal. I figure you might get a good story out of one of these rich folks huh?
Me: hmmm i think im sold suguru.
geto: great! ill pick you up at 8.
"L/N! I'm not paying you to text on your phone! I need a story!" You hear your boss, Mark yell from his office behind you.
You roll your eyes before collecting your things, standing up you head over to marks office. "The Richardsons are hosting a party tonight, i'm gonna see what tea i can find. I know the juliani"s are hiding something." You say leaning against the door frame.
"yeah well the Juliani's have a mind of their own."
"im gonna leave to go get ready." you say turning around, heading to the exit.
"L/N!" Mark calls out to you making you stop and turn to face him. "be careful. I don't need another Journalist coming up missing." You nod your head before leaving the building and heading to the parking lot.
It was true, the last journalist who went to investage the Juliani family, they turned up missing. In fact it was your coworker Nobara Kugisaki. Police reports were made out by her family about a week ago and nothing has come up.
you shivered as you walked to your car, the cold making it so you can see your breathe. Once you reached your car, a small 2020 Honda civic, you opened your door and put your bags in.
"Y/n" you freeze, hearing that oh so sexy voice say your name for the first time in what? months?
Turning around you find yourself face to face with the man you once loved, oh who are you kidding still love. He was wearing a long black coat and black jeans, his pink hair ruffled as usual and his tattoos just added to his handsome features.
"ryo- what are you doing here?" You ask, crossing your arms.
He walks closer to you, making you take a step back, leaning against your cars back door.
"i just wanted to see you." He says quietly, swiping a piece of your hair out of your face and behind your ear. You can't help but blush.
Pushing his hand away, you roll your eyes. "What are you really here for" you werent an idiot. Sukuna is a powerful man and busy one at that, there was no way he got out of work just to come see you.. especially considering he barely seen your son. But you couldn't be mad after all he was sending you checks every few weeks with at least 3,000$ on them.. so he was still providing for you and yuji in a way.
He chuckles, "I heard youre going to that party later with Getou.."
Was he serious right now? "What about it?" You question, eyebrow perking up.
"Don't go." He says darkly.
"Are you kidding me? What are you jealous? I'm a grown woman i deserve a night out once in a while!" You say before turning away and hoping in your car.
Sukuna leans against your window, so you roll it down. "Look kitten, if i were you i'd actually listen to your baby dad for once. It's not gonna be pretty" he smiles before backing away from your car.
You take this opportunity to pull out of the parking lot, making your way to yuji's daycare.
When you arrive at the daycare. You are first greeted by gojo, one of the daycare teachers and also getou's best friend.
"Well hello there Y/N! Here for yuuji?" Gojo asks, leaning towards you. "Its nap time right now so the children are asleep."
"Well unfortunately i'm going to have ti disturb his sleep because we have a pretty busy schedule for tonight" you laugh. "How have you been?" You havent really had a conversation with gojo in a while, you and him werent close, maybe because of how much of an extrovert he is.
"Im alriiight! I got a new apartment on 37th its a real beautyy." He drags on.
"Nice! Thats good to here" gojo pulls out his walky talky and yells loudly, "yuji has an early dismissal!!"
Next thing you know, theres a bunch of crying children in the next room over. What an idiot. You mentally facepalm.
Shoko, another daycare teacher comes out with yuji in her arms. He looks over to you and smiles.
After you get yuji and yourself situated in the car, you guys make your way over to your parents house. You had called them on your way to get yuji and of course they were more then thrilled to take yuji for the night.
Your parents lived anout 25 minutes away from the city so the drive wasnt too bad. Yuji was in his carseat playing on his ipad and minding his business.
"Mommy can i have 100$" your four year old says randomly. You cant help but laugh loudly.
"What do you need $100 for butt?" You ask, looking back at your som through the rear view mirror.
"I want a trampoline" he says, looking at you.
"You already have a trampoline at Nana's house and youre going there right now."
"But thats at nana's i want my own! My friend megumi has one at his house" he says, rolling his eyes.
"Yeah yeah."
After dropping your sin off to your parents, and making your way make home, you look through your closet trying to find a decent formal dress. You did have quit a few dresses considering you and sukuna would attend parties and other get togethers for business reasons.
Coming across a long black velvet dress you stop your search. This dress is skin tight and strapless, but has small diamonds adorned around the dress, making it sparkle just right.
Once you got dressed and finished your makeup, you put your hair up into a slick back ponytail, and added a little star charm clip to go with it. You looked absolutely gorgeous. Though your choice in heels would definitely make your feet sore after a night of dancing, looking good is what truly mattered. After all you were really only going to collect some dirt on any of the business men doing work with the Juliani's.
Tonight sure was going to be interesting.
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orcelito · 2 months
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There's also the impulse to be like "women ain't shit" but that's a lie I love our women. Not women as a whole's fault that one of them turned out a selfish bastard of a coward.
I just need to find a woman who doesn't treat me like That. Get me a good butch. I need me a good butch.
#speculation nation#id love a good butch who can pick me up and help move my furniture#and who is so sweet and treats me like im someone valuable (& not immediately replaceable ...)#the bar is actually so low. god why do i keep ending up dating assholes?#ex before this ex wasnt an asshole. i was the asshole in that situation.#but that's where the whole. wanting to find someone right for me comes in.#god 'ex' really is such a vague term for me. i got bad ex goth ex uhh other good ex but still sucked#nothingburger exes 1 2 3 4#and the gay awakening ex who i really shouldve given more attention to but unfortunately i was a stupid 16 year old#and broke up with her for my bad ex. alas.#and then theres milquetoast ex and uhmmm. well i actually dont know what im going to label my most recent one.#i dont think it's fully sunk in yet what happened. bc it really was so sudden.#i last saw her on thursday and everything was normal and nice. just like pretty much the whole of the 6 months with her.#and then she started hanging out with the coworker i guess. and the rest is history.#i think she lied about being busy spending time with friends to excuse why she was so distracted on the weekend.#she was probably busy spending time with that girl. who she apparently feels like shes suffocating if shes not in the same room as her#it does suck in a lot of ways. but also with her friends. i was trying rly hard to spend time with them and be liked by them.#one of them's moving into my building this next year. across from my unit. so i wonder how thats gonna go.#my ex mentioned how she'd be spending twice as much time here then just last saturday.#and now. well. like fuck she's coming in here anymore. but i wonder if i'll see her going to visit her friend.#id been kind of excited for it. looking forward to spending time with a neighbor too. but probably not anymore.#i do wonder what her friends will think. i hope she tells them the truth and they chew her out for being such an asshole.#literally breaking up with me over text. who fucking does that??? she didnt have the guts to hear me cry???#i'll make sure she sees the full force of my displeasure when she drops my gifts off tomorrow.#she used to like how rough around the edges i am. well she's gonna see just how rough around the edges i Really am.#i kind of. dont really want to see her. but i also do. i want her to look me in the face and talk to me#to see who it is she's dropping. to see how it has affected me. even if she didnt see my heartbreak as it happened.#i laid into her Hard so she knew just how badly she hurt me. so that she would feel even a fraction of my hurt.#so she would feel Guilty. she apologized over and over. said she knew she'd regret it. but she just Had to do it.#'this will be my life's regret' then why'd you do it? fucking impulsive dumbass. what bullshit.
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pedge-page · 5 months
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Candles
Part 5 to Best Man Series. follow Christmas Party.
Joel Miller x F!Reader, Tommy Miller x F!Reader
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Summary: It's Tommy's birthday. So why are you still looking for Joel to celebrate it?
notes: Its been 4 months but here's the next part for those of you still waiting on since December! The next part will most likely be the finale.
Warnings: unprotected sex (with Tommy), infidelity / cheating, pregnant reader, toy usage, dildo riding, breeding kink, oral m!receiving (with Joel), m!masturbation, short voyeurism, vaginal fingering, cum eating, jealous!Joel, emotions are FLLYYINNGGG in this one
18+ ONLY
- - - -
Joel Miller doesn’t get jealous. 
He’s at home, drifting off in thought as his hands do poor work on wrapping paper around the new pair of shoes and watch that he picked out. When Sarah, who’s focus is on brushing her doll’s hair and changing her bathing suit, starts yapping about how Uncle Tommy's kid is gonna be her best friend since she doesn't have any siblings to play with right now, all Joel can think about is you and Tommy together right now on his special day. 
What would it be like, waking up to you in a shared bed every day? To be the first to kiss you, smell your morning breath and sift his fingers through your bed head? To see your eyes shine from the sun reflecting off of them, twinkling with the buildup of a tear after a yawn.
What would it be like, getting a birthday blow job from you first thing in the morning? Even if you aren’t his wife, he’s thought about getting to have you all the time, just for him. He doesn’t get jealous of Tommy very often, because Joel Miller doesn’t get jealous, but he tuts at the idea that your mouth wrapped around his cock is a sight he gets to behold more often than Joel ever will. 
What would it be like, to not have to sneak around? To just have you loudly, unashamed, sloppily, proudly, the way you deserve, without constantly checking behind your back? To capture your lips in front of everyone like it were normal, to hold your pregnant belly like it was his, because damnit it might as well be.
It drives him insane he can’t mark you up the way Tommy can, less the two of you be caught in your affair. All he can do is pound you better, ruin you some more, and fill you with his seed. 
As if the last one hadn’t already reared its consequences in your growing belly. You’re too beautiful, too full of something special to be kept to one guy.
Still. He’ll only ever be second to Tommy.
What would it be like … to call you his?
“Dad…Dad!”
“What!”
Joel looks down at Sarah who’s got her hands on her hips and a stern look about her face.
Jesus, she really does spend too much time with me.
“The door,” she repeats, pointing downstairs. On cue, the doorbell chimes again.
He grunts as he lifts himself to his feet, brushing her head messily with his big palm before hopping down to answer.
It’s his dad.
“How old ya gotta be to leave your old man standin’ outside in the cold?”
Joel rolls his eyes, shifting to allow his father through the front. “It’s 79 degrees out.”
“Cold for my old bones,” he groans, feinting a shiver. “Share-Bear!”
Sarah bulldozers straight to his abdomen and wraps her arms in a big hug. 
Joel lightly tugs on one of her curly strands and she yelps “ow!”
“Go upstairs and get changed.”
She barrels upstairs to her room, leaving Joel and Miller senior. 
Joel continues tossing a bunch of tape on to the sad excuse of a gift before crinkling all the paper up and tossing it. He moves to search for a gift bag in the closet instead.
His dad sighs loudly. “Tommy sure got a nice beat goin’ for ‘im.”
“Sure does,” Joel notes, his attention more on the shoving past the vacuum.
“Good house, good job, kid on the way. A pretty gal.”
Joel closes the closet and turns towards his dad. “What’s your point, pops?”
“You know my point. He’s got it all together. You...”
“Me what? You don’t think I ain’t doin good on my own?”
“You shouldn’t have to be on your own. Sarah’s mom wasn’t...we knew she wasn’t gonna stick around. Its tough havin’ a kid to raise by yourself—“
“I wouldn’t trade my babygirl in for anything else in the world,” Joel snaps quickly. His eyes dart upstairs briefly. Its a conversation he hates when his dad brings up, especially when Sarah could just be lurking around the corner.
“Im not sayin’ that but.” Grandpa Miller shakes his head and takes a seat at the island. “Kid needs a mom. You need a woman. Someone to hold and kiss and make promises to. Someone to love.”
Joel drops the now filled bag on the countertop. I have that already. It’s just—complicated. “There a reason you stopped by? Other than to lecture me?”
His father grunts apathetically. “Just came by for some wrapping paper, but by the looks of it—“ He glances at Joel’s empty tape roll and bunched up pile of ribboned paper—“Guess I’ll go down to the store to get some.”
“Well you know where the door is.”
His dad follows Joel to his open front door to show him out. One aging father and one rapidly aging eldest son look at each other with a sense of sadness.
“Joel—“
“I’ll see you at Tommy’s.”
-
If you weren’t so pregnant, waking up before Tommy would have been so much easier to give him a blow job.
Instead. It’s half past 9, and you’re just rousing to consciousness. Fully well knowing Tommy has probably been awake for at least an hour but faking it just so he can wake up with you.
“Good morning birthday boy,” you grumble groggily, a soft smile spreading across your cheeks as you pull him in for a peck.
He grins and wraps himself around you. “Mmm Good Morning, little Momma. Ya know what I want for my birthday?”
You did know. He dropped hints like crazy and you already had it ready to go by your nightstand.
The thing about Tommy is…Tommy likes watching. It’s something you figured out when you were already dating after a year. Something about watching you touch yourself, spreading your legs on the bed and fucking yourself with a dildo, or grinding on his pillow and moaning as he stroked his cock from across the room, has him leaking in his palm with dirty words of encouragement.
And even with a hefty baby in your belly, his view of you bouncing on top of the sizable dildo was no different.
“Fuck, fuck that’s it angel. Takin’ that dick so good. Bet it feels good, huh?” He grips his balls with his palm while the other fists over his dick. Sitting upright in your makeup chair, fully naked and facing the bed, he gets a view of everything. His hungry eyes never once leave your body.
You nod. Your knees hurt, but the sight of Tommy’’s heart shaped eyes watching your milky breasts bounce, your lips spread to accomodate the girth of the silicon cock has you smiling for your deserving husband.
“It’s—not as easy with the bump…” you say fretfully. You feel like shit, not being able to give him the show that he wanted on his birthday. It’s a lot more difficult to angel and thrust a stick into you when there’s a planet blocking your view.
Tommy hoists himself up quickly, jerking his cock as he approaches you. He tosses the dildo and crawls over you before veiny hands caress along your hips, over your belly and squeezing your tits. “S’okay, little Momma. ‘m’here now. Daddy’s gonna make it better.”
You grasp his face with both hands and grin, pulling his lips to yours. At the same time, he slides his leaking member into your folds, forcing a grunt in the back of both of your throats as he bottoms out.
“Happy fuckin’ birthday to me,” he growls, fucking you steadily with deep strokes. “I get my one birthday wish today. Thinking’ I’m gonna leave a little present in this pussy. Have ya walk around all day with a lil bit of me inside.”
You laugh and gently tap your belly. “There’s a bit more than a ‘little’ bit of you inside me already.”
His stomach rumbles with a a chuckle. “That’s for everyone else to know who ya belong to. Nah, I’m talkin something just between you n me.” His arm holds himself above you as he rocks his hips with shallow ruts. “Shit, shit, ya gonna take it f’me? Gonna take my present on my fuckin’ birthday?”
You let out a high pitched whine, neck convulsing backwards as your cunt starts tightening around his length. 
Tommy locks your lips to his, tongue’s messily rolling into one another’s mouth. A string of saliva connect between the two of you when he pulls away, only for him to rub it against your breast.
“Tommy,” you moan desperately. You’re close, you’re about to tell him so: “I—“
“I love you,” he rasps. His eyes are shut tight as he finds that sweet spot inside, sending you over the edge before you can finish your thought.
 He thrusts a few more times before stilling. His balls twitch with satisfaction, each grunt from his chest echoing the spurts of his seed inside you. He feels at peace when he can be this close to you, his hand warm against your tight tummy and his soon-to-be kids.
His soon to be complete family.
His words rattle in your ears. You feel the opposite of light and airy after an orgasm. No, everything is heavy. Your head feels like a boulder stuck to the pillow. Yet empty. Your body so full yet feeling incredibly hollow right now. 
Tommy kisses your lips once more, not noticing the way you don't return the vervor. He sits up, wipes the sweat from his brows and slaps your thigh.
“You okay? Fucked ya a little too hard, baby momma?” He snickers.
You fake a laugh, hoping he’ll see you’re feeling exhausted rather than suspect anything is wrong.
Your husband kisses your forehead with a whisper “Stay in bed, you rest as long as ya need,” before walking towards the bathroom and closing the door behind him.
I love you. It should have made you feel surrounded by him. Comforted, secure, proud, inseparable, sound, cherished, warm, fuzzy, happy, truthful, light. Your husband confessing his love to you. 
Instead, it only reminded you of the dream had about Joel again last night.
Joel in your house. Joel in your bed. Joel dropping Sarah off at school and feeding your newborn with her bottle. Joel cooking in your backyard, Joel’s hands entwined with yours on a walk. Joel rubbing your shoulders and whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Joel kissing your cheek and telling you he lo—
You cover your face with the back of your hands. Tommy’s the one in your bed. Tommy holds your hand and kisses your cheek, and will be feeding and burping your baby, will be there for you forever and always because that’s what you promised to each other. 
You hold the ring on your finger up high in the air, its dazzling shimmer glints in your eyes. Your eternal promise, displayed on something so small yet so permanent, wrapped up in such a beautiful band.
The same ring that Best Man Joel carried in his pocket safely for months before you swore yourself to his brother. 
 You curse under your breath.
You’re still going to have to see him today.
-
He watches you crowd over Tommy seated at the head of the table, your hands lovingly on his shoulders. He thinks about his “one wish” for a while, but he only looks sideways towards you, holding your gaze for a moment before he confidently blows his candles. The room erupts in a rumble of cheers and clapping, but Tommy and you are only smiling at one another. He grabs your face and kisses you, smearing some icing on your nose. You laugh with him and rub it along his own, the two of you giddy and in your own world.
Joel Miller doesn’t get jealous.
And when you slice into the cake, nobody really understand why the cake is split between a blue and pink center. Everyones thinking the same thing--we already did the baby shower, it was going to be a girl!
“We might...have found out…there's gonna be another one,” you say sheepishly, your hands rollings over the heft of your larger than life belly that surprisingly has two little bubbas growing inside. 
Twins. you're having fucking twins. 
Tommy grasps your face and smears more icing on you, the two of you locking lips again and getting a little too pg-13 in a room full of raucous screeches that feel like nails on a chalkboard, shuffling chairs like a thunderous stampede. Everyone rushes to congratulate the two of you, how your lives are really starting, how exciting it must all be, what names you’ve been thinking of, its its everything you’d hoped it would be.
Joel Miller doesn’t get jealous.
Tommy knew, of course he did. Both of you planned it, to announce it like that. He’s got that smug look on his face, nothing of surprise. Just absolutely elated to share news that had been sitting on the two of you for who knows how long. Something Joel used to always get firsthand word from. You’re having twins. And he’s learning about it for the first time, same as everyone else. Tommy’s friends pat him on the back. Aunts kiss his cheek and even his dad smiles towards his youngest son’s success, all while the whole time, his ringed hand hasn’t left the curve of your swollen womb.
Joel Miller doesn’t get jealous.
He slips out the back of the room, everyone too engrossed in surrounding the happy couple. Nobody cared for Joel’s presence, not since the minute Tommy was born. Nobody would bat an eye for his absence today too.
You’re excited, you want to celebrate, and having everyone touching and surrounding you and asking questions wasn’t the way you wanted it. That’s why it was supposed to be during Tommy’s birthday, so there was something else to focus on.
But your body is on edge. It was attention from all that thrill. Jittery and warm under your palms.
Between your legs.
It’s hard to force Joel out of your mind whenever he’s in the same room. So when he dips out of the kitchen without making any gesture towards you, you didn’t hesitate to excuse yourself for a bathroom break. Nobody questions it, continuing their swarm around Tommy now who’s too eager for all the attention to really notice.
You don’t know what you expect from Joel. You don’t even know why you’re seeking him right now, and not standing by your husband’s side. You love Tommy. He’s everything to you. 
So why is there still this half of you that feels… like you need more?
Maybe your body is thinking on her own accord now, and that’s been a problem that needs to end. No. No you just wanted to talk. That’s all. He's your brother-in-law, for fucks sake. it’s natural you want to hear his thoughts. He’s gonna be a double uncle! He deserves a congratulations! Hope he’ll tell you congratulations too. Acknowledge it in some way. That its happening. That you and Tommy—are just you and Tommy. 
You wonder where the older Miller may have gone in such a small house. Sarah was still in the room, sneaking cake since nobody else seemed to care to slice it up, so where on earth—?
A callused palm wrap around your mouth and pulls you backwards into the dark bathroom, the door closing you inside with him warm and pressed tightly against your back.
“Shhhhhhhhh,” he whispers. The warmth of his breath makes you shiver, all the way down to the dampness spreading along your panties. Fuck. What was it about just ‘talking’ to him again? 
“J-Joel,” your voice wavers cautiously. “I—“ 
“You still gonna keep pretending you don’t want me?”
You face him as he turns the lights on and the two of you are caught in one another’s grasps. There’s a moment where you size him up, and he wonders if you’ll bluff his pass.
Instead, Like magnets that can’t resist their attractions, your instincts overwhelm you. Your eager fingers dig into the back of his neck and smash his lips against yours. The traces of icing still linger on your lips and tongue, the two of you devouring one another, fighting to get the last lick before coming apart to breathe.
Joel just smirks, his tongue swiping over his puffy lower lip. “Sweet,” he hums. His thumb brushes the bit of icing you didn’t know was still on your nose and puts it in his mouth. “How somethin’ so sweet come from someone so naughty?”
You quickly drop to a squat and roughly shove his hips back against the sink. Nimble fingers working swiftly to unbuckle his jeans and shove them down to his thighs.
You’re both panting through swollen lips, heart rate moving a lot quicker than the activities you’ve so far done would permit. He’s gorgeous like this—illuminated by the harsh florescent light above, his sincere, albeit sinful, smile and rosy cheeks watching you kiss his hardened length. 
He doesn’t force you. Doesn’t do anything to make you feel concerned. In fact, you’ve cornered him against the vanity, forcing yourself between his bent knees and inserting his tip to your wet mouth.
“Beautiful,” he whispers softly. His thumb strokes over your cheek as you guide more of his leaking cock into your mouth until it hits the back of your throat. He doesn’t take his eyes off of you, not even to blink. 
Your head bobs eagerly, swallowing around him. There’s just something about that huge dick of his that has you going feral. An itch you can’t scratch until his cum is either nested safely in your stomach or your womb. Maybe it’s because you’ll never be able to get rid of him. He’ll be around forever, and that means you can keep seeing him and his beefy horse cock forever. Forbidden yet yours for the taking. Every day if you wanted. 
The sounds of the party outside feel so remote compared to the events happening in such a little room right now. Just between you and Joel. 
The babies ain’t quite here yet so just you and Joel.
“Pretty pretty angel, sucking’ Daddy’s cock like that. What would your husband think? Suckin’ his big brother off in your house? I’d tell ‘im you got to your knees all by yourself. Little slut couldn’t wait for it. Second she saw me, needed my fat cock stretchin’ her throat, ain’t that right? Needed me to give ya something today too? Just that selfish, aren’t ya?”
You pull off his cock with a big gasp, smiling lazily. He slaps his cock against your open tongue with thick and wet patpatpats. 
He tsks you. “Pregnant gal, on her knees, takin’ cock like a slut. What a woman you are, little momma.”
You hum in approval, the drunken desire for Joel to fill your every senes clogging your brain.
Soft lips enclose around his tip again and he thrusts forward this time, holding his cock deep. You try to remember to breathe through your nose, even with his hairs tickling your lashes, but Joel pulls back enough to just his tip, and sets a gentle rhythm back and forth.
Joel’s head falls back against the mirror. His eyelids feel heavy each time he looks down to you. So full and rounded by a child—two children…if they're his, Joel’s having another daughter and his first son.
“Told ya you were made from breedin’. You’re gonna be like this the rest of ya life. Gonna put another baby in ya, then another—” he chuckles to himself, “N’another—havin’ ya suck cock not remember what number baby ya got growing’ in ya belly.”
He hisses through his teeth as you suck his member in and out, picking up pace. Your tongue works over his tip with each swipe, hand jerking off the base of his dick that you can’t fit. Any saliva and precum is immediately suckled and swallowed, leaving no evidence at the scene.
You’d gotten pretty good at that.
Joel’s beefy paw grasps the porcelain edge behind him as he hisses through his teeth. His stomach tenses, the veins in his v’line straining and you know he’s close. 
You alternate between sucking his balls and jacking off his cock above you. “What if I busted all over that pretty face? Have ya walk around your house with my cum on those lashes as everyone told ya what a cock hungry whore you are.”
You moan around him, your pussy so slicked between your thighs that it’s dripping down your pants. Its wrong. Fuck, you’re so wrong to want it. Want Tommy to see who’s marking you up, see how much you’d spread your pussy for Miller cock no matter if its your husbands his brothers.
His cock finds its way to your mouth again, and he starts thrusting lightly. 
“Swallow it, swallow it all. Want ya hesitatin’ to kiss Tommy after this. Knowin’ ya got my spunk in your mouth still. Fuck me babydoll, mouth’s a dream.”
His jaw drops low as he cums, and god what a sight. Your cunt throbs as he lets out pained breaths into the air, ready to cum if you were able to touch yourself right now.
You gulp down his salty load, lips suctioned to his tip and milking him clean to avoid any messes that might linger.
“That’s a good slutty wife,” he whispers down to you. Even on your knees, the heft of your pregnant belly is doing wonders to him. 
You lazily grin up to his smug grin. He knows you like showing him just how good you are at swallowing loads, like a good wife always does.
He pulls his softened cock out of your mouth, and you gasp a big breath of air, your hands still clinging to his thighs.
You feel his protective hands hoist you up to your feet. 
“Anything hurt?” He asks gently, holding your body flush against him as he rubs your tummy and hips. He feels much less tense than just moments ago when he pulled you in the bathroom with him. 
You shake your head. It’s not the first time you’ve gone down on a man while 30 pounds heavier with a baby. Your knees are a bit sore, but it’s nothing compared to the ache you’ve been feeling in your back for months now.
You try to pull away from Joel, but his arm is wrapped tightly around you. 
“Didn’t think you were pullin’ me in here just to suck me off. Why are you actin’ like this little snatch is happy from that?”
“I didn’t pull you—you pulled me,” you correct.
“You came lookin’ f’me. And you got on your knees all by yourself.”
His hands caress lower down your hip, gliding along your leggings towards your crotch. It should be wrong, the way your hand closes around his wrist to guide him closer, his digits dipping below the waistline and down your panties. 
He feels it: the soft squelch of your slick in your ruined underwear, pulsing madly. He grins and lets out a satisfied yet devious ‘ooooh there we go’ against your cheek. 
But there’s more. More dripping from here than he’s given you just from the thrill of sucking his cock.
He pushes his middle finger past your entrance and fingers out the glob of cum that had been deposited inside you earlier today.
“It’s —it’s Tommy’s birthday,” you moan, as if he needed an explanation as to why your husband’s seed is dripping out of your pussy. “Had—to give him—ooohhhhuugggg—his…gift—“
He continues to finger fuck you slowly, his younger brother’s cum practically pooling in your underwear. “Got one man’s cum in your mouth and a different one’s in ya pussy." He shakes his head. when he gets you like this, sometimes he would forget that you’re Tommy’s wife, after all. That Tommy gets you more than him. Gets to fill you whenever he pleases. Gets to hear your moans as loudly as he wants. That Tommy’s right to your pussy is his first and foremost, sacredly, forever and always.
That doesn’t stop Joel from seething at the thought of having to finger his brothers spent out of you.
"What, he didn’t make ya cum?” He taunts, picking up the pace. Even as you wreathe under his touch, your nails clench into his bicep, feeling the muscle work with each flick of his knuckle. “S’why you’re so desperate today? Wifey didn’t get her selfish little cunt pleased from your husband on his birthday?”
 "I did come …” you protest weakly. You squeeze your eyes shut, head tilted down as he works you open. It’s sloppy and sticky in your leggings, soaking the underside with your slick and Tommy’s cum being forced out by Joel’s big fingers relentlessly hitting the gummy spot inside.
His other hand grips your chin and forces you to look at him:
 “Then why you comin’ to me?”
There’s a prickle of a tear filling your eyes. You've been asking yourself the same thing for months. You don’t know from what; the brink of pleasure or guilt, but there’s a hefty stone that’s burrowed in your chest all day that you didn’t know needed to escape. The words are forced out of your chest with a pained gasp. 
"... I just want... more.”  
It should pain you to admit it, to be so selfish for these men, never feeling one is enough for you.
Normally He would kiss you right now, to hush your mind to reveal something so heavy, but instead, he holds your gaze, gritting his teeth with a snarl just barely poking along his lip. He wants to let your words sink into your bones, really grasp what you've been denying for too long. Suffer with it, even.
You hadn’t even realized he backed you up against the door, pressing his knee between your leg. You’ve become trapped and hadn’t even noticed. His fingers prod your entrance incessantly, reaching deep inside so there’s no way of you to wiggle out of his grasp. curling up and beating your g-spot better than Tommy can—at this point, its very possible you’ve had more sex with Joel than with your own husband.
And that makes the coil in your pussy snap.
Joel belittles you without any words while you fall apart against the wooden door holding you up. Working the heft of his palm against your clit until your brows are furrowing, mouth agape, walls clamping down tight around him as you cum. The door rattles with each little roll of your hips, and your moans aren’t hushed either. 
He watches, the way your eyes are glued to him, blown wide in guilt and in pleasure while little whines escape your lips. Unrelenting and stoic as he works you through your orgasm, granting no mercy nor even trying to shush your little cries from over stimulation. You don’t hesitate when he brings his fingers to your lips, swallowing them whole and sucking Tommy and your slick off Joel’s fingers. He wipes the rest off on your shirt.
Every emotion you feel with Tommy, you feel with Joel in moments like these. He holds you close to him as you breathe in his musky, minty scent. His shirt smells a bit like flowered softener and a hint of early morning sweat. Fumigated with the thick aroma of sex.
You're looking at the ring on your knuckle.
“I helped pick it out. Carried it for months. ’S practically my ring to you too.” He’s babbling now, getting lost in that hazy after-orgasm glow between two people who are connected by a strong, strange bond. “Sometimes …sometimes I think about stealing you away all to myself.”
He makes you two look in the mirror together, with him cradling your belly as you hold your ring hand to your chest. “Look,” he commands softly against your ear. “Kinda looks like our own little family.”
You hate that you kind of liked that idea. But then Tommy is in your mind, the man that you actually love, who fought for you, who you tied your vows to, and as far as you’re concerned, the father of your children. 
Angry, you try to break away and shove Joel, but he's used to it. Used to you closing him off right after these moments of pure insanity. He's not letting it happen today. This time he’s got a firm grip on you like a brick wall and steel wire melding you tight to him. He knows you don’t actually want to push him away. 
"You said you wanted more.”
It’s not a question: it’s a statement. A fact.
The very real thought, the one you tried to push away every time this happens, dawns on you: Joel is tired of sneaking around. Wants to have you when he wants. When everyone is watching. 
Not just sex. To be in your bed, making you dinner and watching movies, dropping Sarah off to school rubbing your back when you’re in pain, there for the babies when you deliver and every day after. 
You manage to push him off of you and shake your head. The chatter outside grows louder than the beats of your heart. Hoisting your pants back up into place, you go to grab the bathroom door, but Joels strong grip lays over top your and forces the door shut.
There’s a deadly, threatening finality to his tone. “I’m telling him.”
You turn back with a shocked expression, partially expecting him to be joking about it. Not that it’s funny. It’s not funny at all. 
But Joel hasn’t moved. Hasn’t cracked a smile. A man whose resolve has overcome his patience. His lips are tight, jaw tense as he watches you try to answer to that horrifying outcome. 
“Joel. No. Are you insane?”
“If its my kids you’re having, I have every right to be there for you—“
“But it’s NOT!”
“You know that? Tell me right know, you know it for sure. Say it ain’t mine, and I’ll never bring it up again.”
You go quiet, looking down at the belly that’s carrying your babies. You want to shrink away from your fears, from the men who’ve caught you between them with their words and their love and their touch. You’re Tommy’s wife. Yet here you are with Joel. Again. In your and Tommy’s house. And Joel’s hand on you, and on your finger is Tommy’s ring—Joel’s ring--TOMMY—
 It’s too much. Everything is closing around you, your lungs suffocating themselves under the pressure that you caused by seeking him out. Finding him and putting yourself in this exact situation ever. Single. Time. 
You yank the door again, desperate to escape, but Joel doesn’t budge. He refuses to let you walk away from the conversation. From him.
“You didn’t deny it,” he reminds you. he pulls your reluctant focus to him again. “Just say it: Tell me you want me. Tell me you lo—”
“I don’t.” You declare rigidly. Its too far. No, no, no,nonoNO. You expel those thoughts, his words, quick to cast them out before letting them enter your system. The next words rush out of your mouth with a deep ache seized in the pit of your stomach: “You’re just a good fuck.”
The air is thin around you. Something has dropped, a pin, a dime, a fucking boulder, between the two of you. Joel grits his teeth and removes his hand from the door, backing away from you with a scowl. He pulls it the knob open harshly and brushes past you quickly, not even taking a moment to check if anyone was nearby to see you emerging from the bathroom too.
He grabs his jacket and strides towards the living room. You can make out the commotion behind the wall; Sarah is having her own philosophy course to her personal audience, asking, "Whats the point of having so many candles if you can only make one wish!?"
Joel grabs her hand and dismisses them quickly. Her sad cries echo into the hall: “But why! It’s too early!”
Joel’s stern voice echoes in the hall as they make their way across the entryway.  “Because I said so. I’ve got work tomorrow. We’re leaving.”
She continues to complain, but Joel doesn’t have any heart to continue their conversation. Ushering her out of the house and slamming the front door behind them.
You stare at the door, having not moved from your place. 
The carpet beneath your socked-feet feels too shaggy. I hated this carpet. Its too fucking much for fucking Texas and every god damn person who sees it here.
You flinch when Tommy’s hand creeps along your belly. Disgusting your sniffle as a cough and wiping your nose. You worry he noticed, but he doesn’t do anything to push the matter further. “What’s up with him?”
You huff an annoyed sigh. “I don’t fucking know. He’s your brother. Just Leave me the fuck alone.”
Tommy observes  your face momentarily, the way you avoid his eyes. He pulls away. “I’m gonna let this one slide as a pregnancy hormonal thing,” he says lowly, a cold soberness to his tone. “Then you can tell me what’s botherin’ ya so much lately. Or not. I’ll let you decide.”
You cover your face with your hands, sinful hands that feel like dry leather and charred ashes. Hands that don’t feel like your own anymore.
It would be better if Tommy just walked away. So you can simmer in your guilt and pain, like any cheating wife would. Like a sensible man who doesn’t take that shit from his wife, no matter what her personal problems are. From a woman who’s secretly jeopardizing their marriage for… what exactly?
You wanted more…but…what did you want more of?
Instead, Tommy feels his lips quiver slightly. He brings your head to his chest, smothering you in his scent and his embrace, his love and comfort.
Your insides break down in a flood. Tears and hiccups suffocate you as you wrap your arms around your husband and sob into his denim jacket, the one you just gave him this morning as his first birthday gift from his new wife. 
Tommy’s never pushed you for anything. Maybe to his own detriment.
Deep down, you suspect, he knows it too.
Instead, he just holds you, swaying back and forth with gentle ‘shhh’ into your forehead. Never once faltering on the stretch of his hug, his arms holding you up and against him like a seatbelt built for a lifetime.
You feel like you just drove the car off a cliff.
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