#and im like yessss YESSSSSS

[orcelito]

My coworker getting into trigun Tumblr bc of my influence and me coming to terms with the fact that there's a nonzero chance of them finding my blog hfkshdjd

[fettery-fetterie]

That one projVoltage song? Second last? Melomeloid? Absolutely [REDACTED] coded (definitely not projecting)

[bitchiswild]

storytime on how you got married because i just remember being at work when all of a sudden the marriage bot appeared and i was like ? 'who' and then BOOM you and lila were now a married couple (also the day my heart broke???)

@kittyl1z ohh Sienna... will your heart break again when I tell this story?😭

I basically gave the gist of how Lila @lilacura and I got married in the first goon central story, but sienna wants the details,so the details she will get. 😌

So it all started when Lila and I were planning my trip to her country cause we both love planning things for fun. We yapped about things we would do, where i would stay, how long i should stay, when i should come over, how she would buy me a plane ticket (sugar mommy fr) etc. THENNNN WE GOT OFF TOPIC AND STARTED talking about our birthdays, THEN we talked about our horoscopes and how she's a fire sign and I'm an air sign, so I told her that we are compatible because fire needs air to live.😎 (HAHAHA)

The she was like "STOPPPP WE'RE SOULMATES🤭" and i was like "YESSSS ATP PROPOSE TO MEEEE🤪" I was kidding during that time... but then Lila was like 🤨"who said u weren't already my wife?" in my mind i was like oh?(EHEHEH) I looked at my finger and replied to her "wheres the ring??? i see none" 🤨🤔

Then lila left to go find me a ring, she was sending me photos, but your gurly was being VERYYY MUCH PICKY WITH HER RINGS🥰 BUTTTTT Lila worked hard trying to find me a ring but none piped my interest so i went to look for it myself and sent her a pic of it and she was like "OH YOU LIKE THIS ONE?" ( yes yes i did) the she told me to wait then a second later SHE SENT THE SAME PHOTO I SENT HER TO ME AND TOLD ME TO ACT LIKE SHE CHOSE IT. so i was like "OMGGGGG ITS SOOO NICEEE YESSSSSS" then i took the ring and brought it to an editing app and edited the ring on My finger and sent it back to lila AND IT FUCKING LOOK LEGIT LMAOOOOO.

THEN THE NEXT DAY, THAT WAS WHEN WE ADOPTED KEER @keervah AND JADE @jade-jini AND LILA TOLD ME WE HAVE 2 KIDS AND I TOLD HER THAT WE DIDNT EVEN GET MARRIED YET AND WE ALREADY HAVE KIDS😭😭 but then Lila was like "I proposed yesturday🙄" and i was like "but theres no wedding🙄" ( like we didnt even sign papers😯) of course that made lila be like "WOW OKAY OUR ENGAGEMENT MEANS NOTHING TO YOU" i was shook🧍‍♀️ ( LIKE DID I NAWT SAY YESS???? I AGREEED, OUR ENGAGEMENT MADE ME GIGGLE AND KICK MY FEET, BUT WE JS NEVER SIGNED PAPERS?!) THEN SHE WAS LIKE YOU DIDNT EVEN GET ME A RING ( but little did she know i had a ring ready for her 😎 in my camera roll) So i sent it to her and of course SHE LOVEDDD ITTTTTT WHAT CAN I SAYYYYYYYYYYYY

It was perfect it was so her too then YOU SIENNA GOT BROUGHT UP CAUSE WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THE FANFIC ABOUT ME, LILA, AND SIENNA (the love triangle ff) ( guys would you be down for a fanfic like that?) ( IM KIDDING PLSS) and how in the fanfic lila would be the one to win in the end and i was TEASING I SAID "WHAT IF I LIKE SIENNA TOO" then lila got sad 😔 ( my bad bb) and was like "but we are the ones getting married." (rememberrr i said yesss to her proposallll i wouldnt js do it with any oneeee :p) but i apologized :3

Then the next day we added a marriage bot to the server :3 Thats when lila and i made our marriage official surrounded by people we love and care about watching me click the yes button😭🎉

In the end I’m happy and I hope lila is happy too😰(CONFIRM NOW!!) we are silly, we cry together, be sleepy together, send each other TikTok’s and chat all the time we are two peas in a pod (soulmates even 💅🏼) and I wouldn’t change a thing :33

:p

Our marriage anniversary is on March 1, 2024 💍🎉

but thats practically it for the story its a mess but thats just how i roll😎

LILA AND I'S RINGS 💕💕

[titan-god-helios]

pt1 of oddly specific things that give me gender affirmation/euphoria (that may not be that odd but i didn’t expect them so shut up <3 /lh):

wallets !!!! a good stereotypically masculine wallet that’s small and leather and still has lots and lots of usability and looks like something a dad would use makes me feel so masculine !! love it

any type of trouser or bottoms with more than two pockets

windbreaker jackets - they make me go “FUCK YEEAAHH im such a boy a man a male tm yessir” and idk why they just do tho, even the fem ones to an extent

plantssss i love plants and they make me feel like a little gardner boy just yessss

energy drinks for some reason ???? they make the internal man dialogue of “IM A MANNN” go haywire so much

hairbands on my wrist and an excess of those wooden beaded bracelets or even stone beaded jewellery

cross earrings but just bc they look cool (i’m an atheist so yuh, i still love people who have religion too, y’all are awesome <3)

doing the thing with your hair where you take hair from one side and flip it on the other with one hand and its kind of like running your hand through your hair but with long hair…. esp of my other hand is on my hip and i scrunch my face ?!?!?!??!? so boyish i feel so good

dancing like an absolute idiot. i dont know why but every time i just do a little jig for myself by myself my gender is just like “yessssss you’re a boy frfr slay king”

watches !! big chunky analogue watches

following on from the last point, clocks too

mushroomsssss they make the more nonbinary side of me jump for joy cause like “yes ofc im a fucking forest goblin dude i love mushrooms im just a goblin guy leave me alone and let me love the shrooms”

sketching in public. it just doessss

camoflague clothing !! i mean this was probably obvious but when i came out to myself and i wore camo cargo pants (with loads of pockets mind you) i just freaked out in joy i felt so manly that day it was glorious

singing !! singing my favourite songs as low as i can go with it still sounding good

just being as stubborn as possible but in a non problematic (for the most part) way. like if you give me the option to make things easier and more convenient or not i’ll choose the harder option. idk it just makes me feel manly (is this toxic masculinity ?? i dont know but i try to remind myself that this only applies to non mental stuff so i don’t end up self-harming againnnn)

being unnecessarily overdressed

not brushing my hair till its perfectly untangled and just letting it be a bit wild - this came with me figuring out that my hair type is waywayway wavier/curlier than i thought my whole life and learning to take care of it the best i can whilst i have like zero products for waves/curls on hand and as a bonus i felt more masc !!

looking at the stretch marks underneath my boobs in the mirror. i have a large-ish chest i think (DD cup), plus i’m a lil chubby, so i have loads of stretch marks around my chest, and the ones underneath look like top surgery scars, so if i’m having a particularly rough day with my chest dysphoria i’ll look at em and feel a bit better

using my stim toys and accommodations with friends and by myself for my autism and adhd - being capable of taking care of myself finally makes me feel really confident and as a result quite masc as well

stimming by flipping my beaded bracelets between my fingers - this is specific to greek and possibly other cultures similar to greece but it’s typical for a lot of greek men to flip long-ish beaded loops (?? they’re not jewellery and specifically made for this but idk what they’re called so) between their fingers in a similar fashion, and it’s a thing that my dad does a lot when bored. whether neurodivergent or neurotypical it’s a very common thing for men and so doing it makes me not only feel good stimming but also feel manly as fuck ! it feels even better now that my mum saw me doing it once and said “what are you a man ??” and being closeted i had to say “idc im just flipping a bracelet why does it have to be gendered” BUT INSIDE I WAS SO HAPPY

playing card games - when i was younger and even now my dad and grandpa would let me sit in on their card games late at night when we visited them in greece and now when i play card games i always feel so calm and comforted and quietly masculine

drinkingggg now hear me out yes im a minor but i’m also half greek so as a result whenever my parents drink im allowed a bit too (under supervision ofc). anyway that out the way, i have a pretty fucking high alcohol tolerance and considering the fact that it comes from my dad (being asian, my mum’s tolerance is dogshit) plus the stereotypical “men can drink more” stuff i feel SO MANLYYYY when i can quite literally drink more than my dad and feel okay whilst he’s starting to be tipsy (just to clarify though, the stereotype is bullshit and should NOT be perpetuated as much as it is, at least with intent. you guys with low alcohol tolerances are just as manly !! maybe you’re even more manly than those with high tolerance !! and women with high tolerances, you’re still very fem and very cool and valid as a woman and those who aren’t binary or aligning you are valid as your gender or as no gender no matter what tolerance you have <33)

caring about myself more. and i don’t mean in a “i’m gonna have a nice fucking bath and be happy about it” way i mean in a “i’m going to feed myself well, drink lots of water, get good exercise and be respectful to myself at the very least” way. and also in the bath way. baths are nice

collecting shit !! idk dude but having a collection of dumb shit just makes me feel so masc and good cause i swear to the stars nearly every dude i’ve met and stepped into the house of has a collection of SOMETHING whether it’s games, books, rocks, crystals, cookbooks and recipies or art supplies or whatever makes them happy. like legit fucking anything and i like collecting stuff too so its a bonus !!

just being nice. just being a nice dude makes me feel so manly

being silly and myself and doing dumb shit and being unapologetic about it (im still working on being able to do this since i struggle a lot but when i can it feels so good !!)

being stupidly loyal to something equally stupid /pos. like yes i have had this stuffed animal since the dawn of time no i will never get rid of her. she’s a genderfuck lesbian rainbow tiger from buildabear workshop who goes by the name of Roxy i will never get rid of her >:(. and so what my ring is so rusty it makes my skin green every three days ?? i clean it and take it off when it gets out of control back off bitch its mine. why are you so concerned about my shoes ????? fuck you i like them how they are (falling apart and dishevelled, the sole is halfway off already and it hasn’t been even remotely okay since three years ago) and they still fit and work so i’ll wear them until i literally cannot anymore. its so fun and it’s such a “just some guy” activity AND it makes my autism goblin feel safe and good too so its great would reccommend

just talking about stuff i like and that makes me feel good but not to anybody in particular. maybe in my notes, maybe on tumblr (like right now !! i’m doing this one right now !!) maybe on my personal dm to myself. it just makes me feel like a boy i love it PLUS i dont actually have to stress about humans on the other end of it so i feel way more confident and comfortable and as a result even MORE manly !!

ice cream on cones. i will not elaborate

travelling and exploring !! like legit anywhere. as long as i’m moving from one place to another and exploring the world i feel so happy and right and also masculine it’s great i love travelling so much. on holidays i enjoy the act of travelling even more than the holiday itself tbh

(to clarify i identify as male but a bit fucked in the gender - if you want a label i still identify as nonbinary but male aligningg <3)

[dumpsterfireofsubtext]

I loooooove overly exaggerated fight scenes. I remember watching Into the badlands and two women were fighting on a table and one of them threw a fairly average sized candle at the other ones chest and she got blasted off the table into the wall, like yes. YESSSSSS THIS MAKES NO SENSE YESSSS IM SCREAMING AT MY TV

[spamgyu]

omg i see the idea of the balmain outfits!!! like yes it is a status statements and likes yes they need to to be pieces of clothing to make sure it tells exactly that!!!! btw 2 more shows i would like divert ur attention to is the avavav show it was a piece of art ... like they spoke on the runway and made a statement with their show like yessss i stannnnnnn and the second 1 would be alaia show like excuse me???? like u are telling me that cloth is not made of fur but twisted wool?? and that that it not denim and the black dress is made with a single yarn ??? like if this is modern fashion and im soo happy we have come this long way with our technology and ideas that now we not only incorporate them to make fuel but also art pieces !!! -✨

OMG avavav was a hot topic in the gc..... the way half of my friends HATED it ..... and the other half loved

my friends that hated it said it felt messy and just very fast fashion-y.... which i understand bc in a way that's what it felt like?? then again we also were following the show via WWD and didn't see any clips/videos from the show.

i personally liked it bc i read up on the message the designer was trying to bring to the audience's attention. like sometimes, runways are more for the performance than the collection? also liked it bc wow grunge is so back..... lol like grunge and boho chic (see chloe's runway their show was sooooo good) .... wow

either way, i love shows that encourage conversations hehehe

also also yes yessssss fashion and science go hand and hand and it literally makes me so happy whenever there are shows that wonderfully showcase it hehehehhee

[screampied]

yooo genshin⁉️⁉️⁉️ i used to play it too! But i stop playing cause its boring now :( i dont have the motivation to play it too </3 i’ve been obsessed with hsr and crk this days now LMFAO

valorant and resident evil AAAAA I LOVE THEM! I used to play valorant too‼️ my fav agents are sage and viper! (i used to be down bad for them its actually very concerning) i still play valorant but not often! and resident evil?? Dawg i used to be obsessed with kenny like.

and fnaf too!! I LOVE FNAF SECURITY BREACH AND SISTERS LOCATIONNNNN probably one of my fav fnaf games i’ve played tehe :3

sorry if its a bit long!! it’s been a while since i found someone who plays this games </3 (except genshin, genshin is VERY popular) SO IM VERY HAPPYYYY AAAAAAAAAAAAAA 💐💐💐💐💐🌷🌷🌷🌷

YESSSSSS GENSHIN. lwk it used to be my shit, i played a lot when it first came out bc my friend highly recommended me into it — i was like lol ok then i got hooooked. bye the wishing addiction had me tight, can’t believe i spent money on that game 😭😭😭.

so true tho bc the main reason i stopped playing was solely bc of the boring ass quests, plus the dialogue that HAS NO SKIP OPTION. like i love the lore but sometimes it just gets booooring. it’s so sad tho bc i loveeee genshin (still do) !! i met so many sweet ppl on there n i remember i used to always help lower ranks w stuff <3 i’m a yae main but my first first main was xinyan aka best girl 🤞

OUUUUU HSR. i wanna play it but the storage yikes. i’ve heard it’s fun tho n the gfx look so dope !!!! YESSSS I LOVEEEE FNAF. so many memories ehehe it used to scare the shit out of me </3

[ohbo-ohno]

Hehehe im the anon that sent the newspaper ask (me evil smiling because i know what it says) 😈😈 I'm honestly so flattered you liked my thoughts!!! Haha I was worried maybe it made u uncomfy but then i saw your post about how it's rotting away in your brain and i was like yessss YESSSSSS >:3

im NOT uncomfortable with that or anything like it (piss kink) im just waiting for the perfect gross and horny mood to strike so i can actually write a full scene for it lmao!!! thanks for sending it in >:)

[yanderemommabean]

same anon who asked for the cupid w ezrol, yessssss ezrol and cupid fighting yessss sjkqjdjsj you wrote it better than I could've imagined I love you so much 💗

Awe, I love you too lol Im happy you liked it! It really inspired me!

-Mommabean

[lgbtqforeverything]

watching stargirl: frenemies episode 13

- so he wasn’t brain dead they just fucking killed him. again.

- oh my god he asked for pat i’m going to fucking cryyyyy

- beth solving it again i love her

- HIS GRANDPARENTS IN THIS SCENE EIFBEIFBUEBF

- jesus the fucking manipulation

- mahkent grandfather i love you sorry i never remember your name

- i don’t trust this

- HA I WAS RIGHT

- oh thank fucking god

- it said ‘tonight’s finale’ but not what kind of finale WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN

- oh yay they escaped

- awww courtney almost died there

- MY RICK AND ARTEMIS AGENDA GOES STRONG

- wait is this zeek’s junkyard?? y’all are gunna fuck up zeek’s junkyard???? god fuck jordan

- WAIT SECRET THING I WANT THIS EPISODE. ZEEK IN STRIPE

- he’s not even lying well right now

- ‘but i wouldn’t lie to you’ BITCH SHUT UP

- ok fakevester yelling about pat not dying was funny

- how fucking dare you???

- IS THAT ANOTHER FUCKING BEEBO SPECIAL I AM GOING TO DESTROY SOMETHING

- oh thank fuck it’s just a rerun i was going to DIE

- did pat just get shot in the crotch.

- wow that was fast

- oh damn jordan leveled up

- HERE WE GOOOOOO

- rick trying to save cameron before failing to kick his ass i love him

- is sofus finally going to get killed?? i’ve been expecting this for like 6 episodes

- OH FUCK SHE DIES INSTEAD

- YOLANDA I LOVE YOU also this would have terrible effects on her

- LOOK AT MY SON GO I LOVE HIM

- oh thank fuck i was scared it was going to be a beebo doll

- YESSSS

- Everyone wanted to know what I would do if I didn’t win. WELL I GUESS WELL NEVER KNOW BITCH

- WHAT THE FUCK

- LOOK AT HER GOOOOOOOO

- SHES GLOWING!!!!!!!!

- and this is why method actors are scary folks

- OH MY GOD THE TEAM UP????

- well this is bullshit artemis deserved to kill him

- girl you can not fix him did this season teach you nothing????

- SO NO ARTEMIS?

- is Sylvester‘s bedding the pattern of pat’s fucking sweater from that one scene?? They are so boyfriends coded

- awwwww

- the shot of pat closing the crate i’m gunna cryyyyyy

- this feels loose but i don’t care

- THEY WERE IN LOVE

- awwwwwwwwww

- RED ALERT HES WITH THE CHAPELS RED FUCKING ALERT

- hournite is so boyfriend/girlfriend coded rn

- if they r dating i will scream.

- i love bridget and james so much <3

- wow the complete opposite of what he did last season! Who would have fucking thought!

- fuuuuuck this is a good set up HBO WHERE ARE YOUUUUU

- HIS MOM????? ooooh damn.

- fuck this feels like a series finale do you think they knew???

- who’s house is that?????

- OH FUCK THATS THE GAMBLER’S DAUGHTER

- if him and barb don’t hug i will lose it.

- mike <3

- IM GOING TO FUCKING CRY HE CALLED HER MOM AND SAID HE LOVED HER??????

- oh courtney :(

- HE JUST NEEDED LOVE TO COME BACK

- so is anybody else getting this weird apple commercial??

- buddy with the doll i love it

- oh yolanda baby i love you

- also i was promised stella smith where the fuck is my girl

- beth and rick had full on in love eyes

- so do we think that snow is jordan orrrrrr

- oh never mind

- i hate the ‘i can fix him’ trope unless it’s funny but people change people and i definitely think cameron needs new influences in his life and courtney could do something

- ARTEMIS KILLS HIM PLEASE

- SHE BURNS HIM PLEASE

- YESSSSSS FUCKING YES

- baby girl i want to hug youuuuuu

- WHAT IS HAPPENING

- YES MY GAY DRAMATIC BITCH IS BACK

- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

- HOLY FUCK

- OH MY GOD

- this is just confirmation that shade and flash fucked

- WHAT DOES IT ALL FUCKING MEAN

[starswake--archived]

love scary podcasts hate when they put in advertisements in the podcast that pull me out of the scare :/

[bakatenshii]

idk if u got my ask about my dream nails buuut update: i finally tried my first ever stiletto press ons aaaand i feel like a new woman but i still struggle with taking contacts out of my eyes lol ☆ i might still be ugh-ly but now i'm ugh-ly and dangerous so it's cool ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ̀ˋ

AHHHH I DONT THINK I DID MY LOVE NOOOOO i got the one about nail inspo pages that I answered! but nothin after that boooo

omg omg I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU, DON’T THEY INSTANTLY BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE, THEYRE SO GOOD I JUST, YESSSSSSS （๑✧∀✧๑）U R SEXY AND DANGEROUS NOW AND WE LOVE TO SEE IT

also i tried wearing circle lenses like twice and i really just stabbed my own eyeball with the tip of my nails until i got it out so I’m praying for u omg GOOD LUCK HAHAHA

[maraczeks]

little voice s1 thread pt 2

[noctude]

whenever i see ur posts on my dash reblogged by someone else im just like yessss yessssss wide acclaim for freddie

fjdhfhdhd aw that makes me happy… im just making the rounds…..

[oflgtfol]

also i know im on an aro din tirade lately so my bobadin posting may seem contradictory BUT.

1. while i do prefer din being 100% aromantic (because haha so am i <3) that's not like. totally set in stone? i equally enjoy the idea of him being elsewhere on the aromantic spectrum. i particularly enjoy the idea of him being demiro. so like, being aro doesn't necessarily exclude you from experiencing romantic attraction occasionally lol. so my point is that i call din aromantic but i'm very vague even within my own brain about whether i mean that as in the actual specific term, or just an umbrella term for the entire arospec

2. even if he was 100% strictly aromantic, lack of attraction =/= behavior. you can still be aro and participate in romantic relationships. the nature of those relationships will be inherently complicated and weird compared to conventional romantic relationships but if all parties are willing then it still works

3. regardless of where i hc din on the arospec, i 100% view him as bisexual. so add on the complexity of navigating relationships as an aro-allo individual. add on the additional complexity of navigating relationships between someone who's aro and someone who isn't. it's like. haha yessss.... YESSSSSS....

4. AND IN THE END. i don't even necessarily ship it entirely romantic either. like what it all boils down to is that i particularly enjoy bobadin as this nebulous kind of relationship. is it romantic? is it platonic? queerplatonic, even? is it all three? none? something else entirely? who fucking knows babey. it's beyond words. they are just vibing together. doing whatever

(however i know this is an unpopular and niche take on them and like, pretty much all discussion about them is strictly romantic so. whatever. i take what i can get yknow)

[trashcatsnark]

I love that Johnny is the kind of person who would kill for you no problem and fuck you untill you can't walk, but stuff like holding hands or saying geniuine compliments just cause him to short-circuit and he just can't do this. I think it's an interesting part of his psychology, that he's all about grand gestures (kill for you/die for you) and physical intimacy (sex and whatnot) but he's still very closed off and unwilling to engage with just like, small acts of affection that can't be easily brushed off. And, of course, he thinks he's being sooo slick and nobody can see how much of a fool he is around V, like, he's such a clown, I love that about him.

YESS YESSSS YESSSSSS SPOILERS WITHIN, I WENT ON ANOTHER RANT IM SORRY

I read a fic I believe it’s called 505 on archiveofourown, which in general, has had a lot of ideas and concepts I love and has birthed inspiration to some of my own brainworms (the idea of V getting stuck in like 2010-2012 in a like manufactured cyber pocket universe lives rent free in my brain and i really wanna play with that concept in my fic too cause i needed more flashback content,  and like wanted V to properly have some sort of interaction with the past versions of Rogue, Alt, Kerry, and Johnny, like it’s so good and i highly recommend checking the fic out, yeet!) 

And they state that Johnny’s basically the kind of guy who if you called him up, its life or death, he’d be there for you in a second. But, if you just texted to ask how his day is, he’d leave you on seen. He tends to think, act, and operate in extremes. Everything is always cranked up to eleven and high stakes; filled with passion for everything he goes near. Cause those moments revolve more around doing, acting on something, rushing in; whether its attacking Arasaka or fucking, its all about doing something and he doesn’t really have to put his emotions or his heart out there. He feels intensely, extremely, passionately, but he can’t properly articulate that when it comes to people on an individual level. He can scream until the cows come home about his ideas about society and the people on a grand scale, on the big picture, but when it comes to individuals and his intimate relationships the action should be enough, to him, should say everything. He can hide behind the extremes, act on his feelings without having to truly bare his soul. There’s a comfort in that, he can act on his feelings while still keeping his distance. 

But, that’s harder with domesticity, its harder with everyday intimate affection, its harder with someone who knows you inside and out. Because he’s now committed to not only being there in the extremes, he’s there for the mundane and monotony. He’s not just there for hard fucks and terrorists attacks; he’s there for V casually (though they’re also screaming inside) grabbing his hand as they walk somewhere together, he’s there for mornings that start with a kiss and a cup of coffee, he’s there for cleaning the apartment, taking care of a cat, cuddling on a couch while watching bad tv, trying to help V cook (once they get an apartment with a kitchen cause why the fuck doesn’t v have a kitchen cdpr), there for conversations that have nothing to do with life or death, and casual i love you’s being dropped because that word is no longer an emotional bomb, but a simple reality. 

No walls, no barriers, no fucking off until the next time someone needs him to die or kill for them/fuck them. Emotional intimacy becoming a part of daily life. And oh boy is that a fucking scary ass concept. 

Cause being there and sacrificing himself when V could potentially die, feels like a no brainer, of course he’ll do that, that’s what he promised, what’s right by them, and he’d die for them any day. If that’s what they need that is what he’ll do. And he’ll say so to anyone who asks, proudly. Cause he can to an extent hide behind it being the right thing to do, its the right thing to honor his promise, to try to save them from this unfairness, even after mikoshi he can explain it away as he owes V his life, he can hide behind his own moral code. Brush it off as being “right”. In Mikoshi when he tells V he plans to keep his promise; there’s no introspection of the emotional intimacy they built, he’s still trying to keep some walls up. Its’ “we’re sticking to the plan” “I won’t do you wrong.” He can hide and frame it as a promise, what’s right, which is a huge aspect of it no doubt, but we know he has feelings beyond that. His own guilt, he own care and concern for V, hell, there’s apparently even a line where it seems he gets mad at Alt, like genuinely mad that they can’t save V. 

“You promised this poor little shit a new life and you lied! You fuckin' lied!”

It was about more than a sense of duty and keeping his promise, but he can hide behind that. (And with just sex, he can hide behind sexual gratification, paint it as selfish desire)

But holding V’s hair back or rubbing their back when they’re sick and puking; not relic sick, not dying sick, just neurovirus/ate something that disagreed with them/or drank a bit too much, regular sick...is different. Because V doesn’t objectively need him in that moment; they will survive without his hands in their hair or rubbing down their back, They will survive without him checking on them and once they get it all out, carrying them to bed. There’s no right or wrong even, cause its no one elses job to care for V. 

It is a choice born purely out of an unselfish desire to make them feel better, to care for them even in the mundane troubles of life. And he can’t, though he’d try, pretend that it’s anything else. It puts his feelings on the table, bares his feelings in a whole other way.