#and in hindsight it's like why ???? why were they treated like gods because they *checks notes* wrote a fic with a few thousand hits

[the-casbah-way]

the ego trip some fic writers are on makes me want to die like girl some real world perspective would be a game changer here

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Round 4

Joan Watson

How were BBC Sherlock shippers so rancid about a WOMAN who wasnt even in the SAME SHOW?????

Martin Freeman of BBC Sherlock insulted Elementary and specifically Lucy Liu in the press. He straight up called Lucy Liu a "dog" in an interview APPARENTLY as a joke, because calling female actors ugly is hilarious. Benedict Cumberbatch was more measured about it, but he still said he was cynical about Elementary because it would lose the "male friendship" dynamic, which of course Johnlock shippers used against Joan Watson fans. Even the lead BBC Sherlock actors got in on the yaoi victimization of Joan Watson... 😔

she wasn't even in the same SHOW as the yaoi I've been convinced she deserves to win the entire poll. I was a Johnlocker but I did watch the first season of Elementary and it was fine????? It was totally okay????? Especially in hindsight given how hard Sherlock season four flopped. Also Lucy Liu is a queen and deserved zero vitriol for *checks notes* playing a character???? A fucking fictional character???????? Oh my god we were all SO mean to this show and we (or at least I) thought it was like The Good Fight™️, like we were defending BBC Sherlock against copyright infringement and straightwashing and Jonny Lee Miller's bizarre scarf, (it wasn't a good scarf I do stand by that) but then Elementary didn't make Holmes and Watson a couple either???? And also it didn't insult its audience constantly etc etc we've all seen the Hbomberguy Sherlock is Garbage video. This is really long sorry hashtag justice for Joan Watson.

Misa Amane

she gets treated in-canon the way fandoms treat female characters that Threaten an m/m ship. it's like, "oh why don't you go sit in the corner and be pretty, misa, while the Men have intelligent conversation and pretend they aren't ten seconds from fucking each other, doesn't that sound nice?" it's infuriating. and MAYBE it's better now but i remember her getting treated the same way in fanfiction too, like we all need to do just as badly by our female secondary characters as fucking tsugumi ohba, but with the added insult of making her be alternately oblivious of the relationship between light and L or actively trying to sabotage it—incompetently, of course, because god forbid misa be allowed dignity or moments of cleverness.

she's one of the first characters I think of when I consider old school fandom misogyny. The annoying bitch and clingy crazy gf allegations were AFTER HER ASS. She's also a lot more intelligent than people gave her credit for, but most seem inclined to take the Very Biased word of our unreliable, narcissistic narrator and his homoerotic arch nemesis and claim that just because she's bubbly and into romance that she's also a complete moron. Which is blatantly untrue. Everyone was afraid of Misa girlbossing too hard. Killing people and devoting yourself to the deranged twink of your dreams even though you know he'll never love you back??? Having a hardcore goth aesthetic and being so Hot even literal Death Gods are into you?? God forbid women do ANYTHING!

Not only is she the victim of yaoi culture, she is the victim of early 2000s misogyny by an author that wanted to introduce a girl character because he knew his male rivals were getting too homoerotic. She is a goth bimbo icon who portrays what I think is one of the few callouts for stan culture and what parasocial relationships can do to both the stan and the idol. The fact that she is a toxic fan of Kira and also hot, funny, sociable is tragic in its own way, which I think the author did try to touch on but was too misogynistic too really get through. Of course, she was reduced to villain status by the fandom and anime alike because she got in the way of the supposed romance in their psychological horror anime.

[marshmallowprotection]

hi! could i request an MC who was part of V & Jumin’s childhood best friend group and who’s had feelings for V for years and years through everything? how v’s route would be handled with that? happy ending if possible!! listening to from the start - laufey and the idea won’t leave my head haha. i adore your works!

V likely always had you at the periphery of his mind. That isn't to say he didn't imagine you to be more than his friend, but it is to say that his mind was preoccupied with a million different things. His youth was spent trying to make sense of his dream only to have his father and still a fear into him that made him lash out that not only himself but others as well.

He has a passion for the arts in a way that is both appreciative and respectful, but sometimes the way he goes about his appreciation isn't always the best way to treat other people. He only figures that out when he gets a little bit older and he sees just how much damage some of his patronizing comments can cause. It's no wonder that most people didn't want to be around him back then. Why would they want to be around someone who doesn't have a single care about the consequences his words withhold? 

Like, he may be well-versed in a subject but that doesn't mean his opinion is the only one. When he was a teenager, God knows he always went around the block saying he was right about everything because of his education and background.

As he gets older, he definitely thinks it's a surprise that more people didn't try to put him in his place when he lashed out like that. But, maybe they were afraid of his position in life as a wealthy boy, or his connection to his father. Either way, he's not proud of the person he used to be, and he doesn't particularly want to recreate that passion. He has passion but he wants to find a new way to show it.

He needs to stop acting like he has moral superiority over everyone else and actualize his dreams. He can't say he's the best of the best when he's too afraid to try himself. It's a well-needed transformation, one that his best friends would be more than happy to support.

Since his youth was spent being so swept up in being right about everything, he didn't have time to focus on paying attention to his friends the way he needed to. He wasn't as supportive as he needed to be to you or Jumin.

You two were always there for him in his time of need but he didn't always return the same luxury.

That's something he would start to work on as soon as he realized he needed to make a change for the better. That is the point in which he starts to get better. When he starts to think about all of the things you did for him, that's when he realizes that maybe your feelings for him were much stronger than just your feelings for him as a friend.

It's almost as if he was on the periphery of the image. He couldn't see the full picture because he didn't allow himself to step out of frame to look at everything happening simultaneously. But, now that he can look back, isn't hindsight 20/20?

All those years, all those days, and moments when you reached out your hand to him and he took it. He can remember it like clockwork, but he can also remember when he turned away from your hand and ignored the defeated look on your face. 

He can remember moments with you and Jumin in school, laughing and debating the world at large, only to stare at the clouds together in vain when it felt like there was something none of you could reach alone. 

He can remember studying with you, listening to you tell him about this and that, and realizing that there was far more beauty to the world than he could ever admit. Cocky, arrogant, and naive, how he never thought to take a chance with you was beyond him as an adult. But, perhaps that was the point. He would never let himself take your hand when he was too afraid of ruining what good was already there. 

He can remember losing his mother, and how the only people who came to visit him to check on his health were you and Jumin. He can remember when the pain changed him and made him want to pull away from everyone. He can remember when he began to spend more and more time away from you, focusing on his art and trying to capture some perspective of the world even if he could never do it the way he always wanted to. 

He can remember that bright smile on your lips as you did your best to be happy for him, seeing him fall deeper and deeper into a pool of infatuation for Rika, and how you never once made your heartache about yourself. Of course, you would never do that. You weren't the kind of person who would center yourself in a conversation. 

But, you were always there for him. 

Through every painstaking moment, you made sure that you were there for him so that he always had someone to fall back on if his other friend wasn't there. You always did that for him, and it never ceases to amaze him to know that you never gave up on him even though he gave up on himself.

Maybe, that was why it was surprising to see you end up in a place like Mint Eye… or rather, why it wasn’t. You did everything for him, why wouldn't you do the same if somebody told you a lie painted in gold leaf for his sake? You never joined the RFA... but the fact that you were targeted... left him and Jumin at an impasse.

How could he lie to his friend about where you were?

But, you lied for V.

Of course, of course, you knew just what to say and how to say it. That's how things play out the way they do. You cover for him because you know this is a situation he's been trying to handle on his own, and you want him to be able to have that opportunity, but you don't want him to shoot himself in the foot before he's ready to ask for help. So, what else can you do but smile and remind him that he needs to talk to Jumin? 

A part of me wants to say that you being there makes the situation change a lot faster, but another part of me knows that if you love V, you may also forget yourself. What do you do with your back against the wall? Do you tell the others even though you know he may never forgive you? Rather, that he may never forgive himself when the truth comes to light and he's not ready to stomach it?

If you think you can handle that, you may very well just prevent the bomb and the worst casualties to come. It depends on your choices and what you're willing to do. 

But, no matter what path you take, in the end, once he's had time to accept who he is, flaws and all, he’ll find his way back to you. I don't see him as somebody who would miss the opportunity to be with somebody who's always been there, as long as you're willing to take a risk on somebody like him. If you're willing to forgive him and give him a chance to be a better man, not just for you or his friends, but for himself as well, then he’ll make good on it.

He'll make good on that promise and he'll be the best man he could ever be. 

At the end of the day, the hardest part in figuring out a scenario like this is deciding personal factors that are different from person to person. Your choices shape the way things play out, and regardless of who you are, all of those actions matter in the end. If you choose to stand by your friend and one day see him more than just that, things will work out in the end, you just have to trust your gut… and know that Jumin is standing right there, ready to help, too. 

[collecting-stories]

Jolly Rancher - JJ Maybank

Request: Hey! Do you think you could do an imagine where the reader is Sarah’s twin and all the pogues are at a party or on the boat and her blood sugar drops really low (she has type one diabetes) and her pump keeps beeping. She is mid passing out, not feeling good and rafe has her Insulin so little bit of big brother rafe worried about his little sister and JJ and her not being together yet but he was super worried about her (like all of the pogues tbh). Thanks xxxx I really love your writing 🥺 every time you post something it makes my day

A/N: I did moderate research for this because the only person I actually know with diabetes is a cousin I don’t speak to. 

Outer Banks Masterlist

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

In hindsight, taking the Druthers out in the bay for a party after sunset wasn’t exactly the best idea you and Sarah had ever come up with. And yeah, technically, taking the boat out would have been totally fine and acceptable but none of you had considered bringing anything but alcohol with you. Six pogues (two honorary) on a yacht in the middle of the bay with just alcohol and weed. It was a bad combination in any version of the world but especially in this one, where you’d been pregaming white claw because you were finally, finally, gonna tell JJ how you felt about him.

The crush had been a saga ongoing since you had first discovered JJ Maybank, which coincided with discovering that boys, while terrible, were incredibly attractive. And sometimes...not too terrible. John B had started working for your family the summer before highschool and at the same time JJ started to pop up. Around the Druthers when John B was cleaning the boat, in a neighbor’s yard mowing the grass or cleaning the pool. And then at the Island Club. By then you’d started hanging out with Kiara and her friends and JJ wasn’t just some cute guy who was friends with John B.  

“Honey,” Kiara laughed, reaching for the can of Naturdays in your hand, “I think you need to slow down.”  

“I’m fine.” You promised, knee jerking rapidly as you gulped the rest of the drink down before Kiara could take it from you.  

You weren’t a heavy drinker. The last time you’d gotten drunk was in ninth grade, at a house party on the cut with Kiara. You’d guzzled down one too many Pabst trying to act cool in front of JJ and had ended up in the hospital in diabetic shock. Once everyone was sure you weren’t going to die, your father had laid into you about how irresponsible you were and how you had acted like a child. It was embarrassing, mostly because you were still saddled to a hospital bed and your friends were standing in the hallway, well within ear shot of Ward.  

After that, you stayed away from anything more than two drinks at a party and you always kept your insulin with you. Except, apparently, for tonight. You’d gotten yourself worked up over confessing your feelings to JJ and the possibility of rejection that you were well on the way to drunk. And your insulin was in your backpack, in Rafe’s truck.  

“You’re not fine.” Kiara laughed, “you’re like, buzzing.”

“Buzzing,” you offered her a dopey smile as you leaned forward, whirling your pointer finger around as you made buzzing noises and tried to poke her.  

“What the hell?” She swatted your hand away, “are you sure you’re okay?”

The commotion was enough to get Sarah’s attention and she turned away from John B to look over at the two of you. “You’re like vibrating babe,” Sarah said, “you’re really jittery.”

“Fine, I’m fine...I’m all good.” You promised, bracing your hand on Sarah’s shoulder as you went to stand up. You missed your footing, tripping over the air and hitting the deck before either Kiara or Sarah could catch you.  

“Oh my god!” Kiara got down on her knees next to you and helped you sit up, leaning partially against her. She pushed your shirt up so that she could check your pump and noticed realized it had been going off. “Hey, do you have like...something to boost her blood sugar? I think it’s dropping really low, I can’t really read this?”

“It’s definitely low.” You replied, hands shaking as you checked your pump, “yeah...too much...too much alcohol.”

“Where’s your insulin?” Sarah asked, crouching down so she could try to meet your eyes, “hey, look at me, where’s your insulin?”  

You hummed, a little too long before finally looking at Sarah, “uh, Rafe’s...shit, Rafe’s truck.”

“Are you kidding me? Fuck!” Sarah cursed, getting up to grab her phone so she could call him, “John B, can you take us back?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he nodded, heading for the ladder.  

“Here!” JJ pushed through Pope and Kiara, spilling the contents of his backpack onto the deck beside you. Amongst a change of clothes, some pilfered pens, his wallet, house keys, weed, a stick of deodorant, and a travel toothbrush, was a bag of jolly ranchers. He grabbed a green one out and unwrapped it, holding it out to you, “here, it’ll make you feel better.”

“You have a bag of jolly ranchers in your backpack?” Kiara asked incredulously.

“Of course,” JJ replied, “if her sugar drops she said one jolly rancher usually does the trick.”  

It was a stupid thing to smile about, especially since you were currently using Kiara to hold yourself up and sucking on green apple jolly rancher, but you couldn’t help it. You had mentioned that ages ago, the first time you went out with the pogues after your drunken night turned ER visit, as you sat on the dock next to JJ. You had doubted he’d even cared and been embarrassed afterward for just rambling on about yourself but he remembered.

“You remembered,” you said as JJ sat beside you, letting you lean on his shoulder as the yacht headed back to the dock.  

Sarah had gotten a hold of Rafe quicker than she expected. He was already talking when he answered the phone, telling her that he was on the way back from Topper’s. According to Rafe he turned his truck immediately, that was what he told you later, when you were feeling more like yourself again. That he’d realized your backpack was still sitting on the passenger seat and he did a u-turn right there in the middle of the street. You weren’t sure that was totally true, your older brother’s pension for dramatics and your family’s obsession with treating you like a baby.  

Usually, it felt stifling but right now you were feeling pretty shitty about yourself. The jolly rancher did exactly what it was supposed to, boosting your blood sugar enough that you were beginning to feel better.  

“What were thinking?” Rafe called the minute he boarded the Druthers, “you know alcohol makes your blood sugar drop!”

“I know, I know!” You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest. You’d moved from the floor to the couch, JJ leaving your side the minute your brother ran up the jetty. “I’m not a kid Rafe,” you muttered, grabbing your backpack from him.

“Really? Cause you left your bag in my truck and you’re out here drinking your ass off.” He snapped.  

“She’s okay,” Sarah urged.

“What if she wasn’t?”

“I am! And I’m right here!” You huffed, “Rafe, thank you and I know you were worried but I’m okay.”  

Rafe sighed, running a hand through his hair, “I’m not trying to be dad here...but you can’t take risks like that, you know better.”  

“I’m fine!” You slung your backpack over your shoulder and pushed passed Rafe, climbing down the ladder to the jetty. You’d apologize later, for now you were irritable and embarrassed and you just wanted to be back in your room, locked in where no one could see you and remind you how horrible this entire night was. The only decent thing that had happened was JJ but the more you let yourself psychoanalyze everything that happened the more you were positive that the pogues just saw you as a kid too. Like you couldn’t take care of yourself. Like you hadn’t been for the last ten years, since you were diagnosed.  

The Druthers said docked but you couldn’t tell from your bedroom window if everyone had gone home or if they were still hanging out and partying. You thought about texting Sarah but she would just tell you to come back down to the dock and stop pouting in your bedroom. You did your usual checks, to make sure your blood sugar had gone back up, and changed into comfier clothes. Even scrubbing off your makeup...you’d let this shitty feeling die before you saw anyone again.  

Or at least, that was the plan. As you were sitting in bed though, a knock at your window startled you. Not just a tap but a full-on knock. You climbed out of bed and went to the window, laughing when you saw JJ standing on the small balcony off your room.  

“What are you doing here?” You mouthed, reaching for the lock so you could open the window.

He pointed to his ear and then shrugged his shoulders, “I can’t hear you.”

You rolled your eyes as you pushed the window open and sat on the sill, “What are you doing here JJ?” You were trying your best to calm your racing heart, the last thing you needed was to go into cardiac arrest in front of him too.

“You left the party.”

“Not exactly in a partying mood...I was being stupid tonight.”

He sat down on the windowsill beside you, facing out toward the backyard but turning to look at you, “hey, I’m stupid every night.”

“You know what I mean,” you laughed, “I’m so careful...I haven’t had a night that bad in a long time.”

“Why weren’t you? Careful, tonight, I mean.” He asked.  

“It’s stupid.” You put your hands on your knees and looked away from him. You’d hyped yourself up to crashing lows and now he wanted you to tell him why? “You should go back to the party.”

“Not really in the mood...can you believe it?” He laughed like it was nothing but you could hear the heaviness in his voice.

“Sorry.”

“It’s not your fault...I just meant. If you’re up here, I don’t really feel like hanging out down there.”

You bit down on your bottom lip and looked over at him, feeling just the slightest catch in your throat. For a second you thought this night was going to get even worse and you’d throw up...but instead you just started talking, words falling out with no control, “I pregamed with Sarah before we even got on the Druthers cause I told her I was gonna tell you tonight that I liked you but I was so nervous that you would tell me you didn’t wanna date me so I just kept drinking...” you said. You realized a moment later what the implication was, “not that its on you that my sugars dropped...or like, not that you have to say you like me just cause I almost passed out.”

“What if I do like you though?”  

“You do?” You asked, shifting more toward him, “seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously...why do you think I came all the way up here? Or carry around jolly ranchers? I like you...I’d do anything for you.” He replied.  

You couldn’t stop the smile on your face as you leaned closer to him, “oh well, now it’s definitely your fault.”  

He laughed, “let me make it up to you.”  

You nodded, standing up and climbing back through the window before holding your hand out for him. JJ was quick to his feet, taking your hand and pushing the window closed as he followed you further into your room.  

[newtonsheffield]

Honestly, I have no commitment or energy to write this BUT I found it humorous, so I'll bequeath it to you: the concept of a GIRLS ONLY Bridgerton chat - a necessary coping mechanism - but sometimes Drunk Bridgerton antics lead to massive f*ck ups - like the one time Sophie accidentally shared "HONESTLY - B IN BENEDICT STANDS FOR BOMB; THE D IS SELF EXPLANATORY" but she is so blasted on fine booze (compliments of Kate) share shared it with the FAM CHAT instead

Okay, You had to have known I couldn’t resist writing this as a ficlet, you sly dog, So I won’t apologise for writing this on my lunch break

The first time Sophie Beckett had been invited to Kate Bridgerton’s house for drinks she’d been a little apprehensive. Honestly because Kate was slightly intimidating, not that she was ever unkind, she was warm, and friendly, and she was the entire reason that had even met Benedict again so she really couldn’t complain. And Lucy Abernathy was terrifying in her own right as an heiress with more money than she knew what to do with but who worked and worked so that she felt useful. But Kate had been so kind when she’d said 

“It’s just something Lucy and I like to do! If we’re going to put up with the Bridgerton boys, We need to drink. And you’re one of us now.” She’d started to refuse, But Ben had sidled up to her and said 

“She’ll be there, Kate!” grinning with warmth at his Sister-in-law at having included his new Girlfriend in her tradition. And He’d said to Sophie on the way there “You’ll have fun! Lucy and Kate are great!” And he was right. Which is why, 3 years later they were still meeting monthly for drinks at Kate’s house following which Lucy and Sophie generally piled into the spare bedroom and slept it off.

Sophie had to admit, in hindsight that this was all Kate’s fault. She was unwilling to admit that her tolerance for alcohol had changed after having 2 children and so when she’d whipped out a bottle of vodka that Sophie was sure cost more than the apartment she’d been living in when she met Benedict, Sophie was again apprehensive. Kate had scoffed at her 

“What are you afraid is going to happen? Don’t be wimp Soph. Penelope would do it if she weren’t in Greece with Colin.” Sophie thought privately in the aftermath that truly, Kate had been right because she never would have thought this would have happened. 

A good few hours later, and Sophie could admit, she was... Well and truly plastered. Her head was fuzzy, and she could barely stand up straight, hell even her teeth felt numb. Lucy, normally so composed, seemed to be laying across Kate’s kitchen table talking quietly to herself, Kate was talking at full speed her hands flying everywhere, her drink sloshing out of her glass. 

“Someone’s phone just chimed!” Kate had said, a little loudly. moving clumsily over to check the phones lined up on the counter. “Does someone know a Gerald?! There’s a little glasses emoji next to it.” Kate said bemusedly. Lucy shot up suddenly

“Oh That’s Greg! Aren’t his glasses just... so fucking cute?!” Lucy said, slurring her words only a little, reaching her hand out for the phone, tapping away when Kate handed it to her. This caught Sophie’s interest,

“Why is he Gerald?” Lucy laughed loudly

“That’s what my Uncle calls him. He fucking hates Greg, I’m wasting my life apparently.” Sophie hummed sympathetically in response. And Lucy had said, turning to Kate 

“What do you have Anthony down as in your phone?” Kate had hummed 

“Ahhh We went classic: Father of my Children.” Lucy and Sophie cooed appreciatively “And before we were together it was just Dickhead.” Kate finished, a little primly and Sophie and Lucy hooted with laughter. And then the attention had turned back to Sophie. Lucy and Kate had their eyebrows raised expectantly at her and she’d immediately started blushing, felt her already flushed cheeks go even redder. 

“I’m going to decline to answer.” Sophie mumbled out, slurring her words. But it seemed Kate wasn’t going to let her get away with it that easily. 

“No! We showed you ours, you have to show yours! Fair’s fair Sophie!” And Sophie had to admit, the logic was sound. They’d stayed silent for several seconds before Sophie had cracked and said. 

“I can’t say it out loud, I’ll text it to the Bridgerton Wives Chat.” 

Lucy and Kate had both waited expectantly as she typed it out and Gasped when the message came through

Sophie Becket: I call him BD Bridgerton: B is for BOMBASS and the D is Self explanatory

Kate started hooting with laughter while and small smirk started on Lucy’s lips, Sophie could feel her cheeks overheating as they typed out their responses 

Kate Bridgerton: Holy Fuck Amazing Spectacular Groundbreaking Never been seen before Spectacular 😂

Lucy Abernathy-Bridgerton: Oh my god! He painted you like one of his french girls didn’t he, You sly bitch! 

Laughter filled the kitchen and they’d gone to bed soon after.

Sophie awoke the next morning with her head pounding, Lucy snoring lightly next to her, in Kate’s spare room, She looked blearily around the room and was surprised to see Kate piled in next to Lucy rather than down the hall with Anthony. Sophie could feel her phone buzzing in her pocket urgently, and shifted with a groan to see what had happened. And her heart stopped. 13 new messages in Bridgerton Family Chat and 3 missed calls. There, in bold black letters is her message to Kate and Lucy and their responses and then:

Violet Bridgerton: Ladies. You may be in the wrong chat.

Gregory Bridgerton: 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Sophie, Truly Fucking outstanding!

Eloise Crane: I woke Phillip up at 1am just to show him this. I guess we finally know what BeneDICK stands for

Daphne Basset: The D is for Disappointment isn’t it. Tragic. 

Francesca Bridgerton: Well, Well, Well. Frankly I’m just relieved it’s not Big Dick Bridgerton. 

Colin Bridgerton: Would be a little hard to tell Who she’s referring to there though Frankie 😉. Back me up Pen. 

Penelope Featherington: I will do no such thing. Bloody annoyed I missed this meeting of the Bridgerton Wives Club though!

Hyacinth Bridgerton: Appalled, shocked, truly disgusted, and Yet: Fucking Yes Sophie! Get some! 

Anthony Bridgerton: Can we end this conversation, come and pick up your wives, my children are sleeping.

Violet Bridgerton: Anthony Don’t be annoyed because your brother knows how to treat a lady! 

Anthony Bridgerton: Kate is very satisfied, Thank you!

Sophie avoided Bridgerton Family functions for several weeks, and when she returned, it was to a round of applause. 

[calpalirwin]

Are We?

A/N: Based on Are We by Taylor Acorn cuz I’m obsessed with her music (and you should be too)

Word Count: 1.9k

And away, and away we go!

__

You could feel the music from Michael’s DJ setup thumping in your bones as you stepped outside, the cool night air immediately bringing goosebumps to your arms. You slid into the jacket you brought with you, catching a lingering scent of cologne as you did, and sighed. That’s what you got for leaving your jacket right next to his. That’s what you got for having his hoodie on your dresser in the first place.

“Yeah, it’s a lil on the cold side, isn’t it?” a familiar voice drifted into your ear and you turned to the sound.

“A little, yeah. Too bad you left your hoodie at my place.”

“Eh,” Ashton shrugged. “I don’t mind if it stays there honestly. I have plenty of others. And I’m over at your place a lot, so at least I know I’ll always have a back up if I need it, ya know.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true,” you tried to laugh off as you raised your gaze to properly meet his, feeling your stomach tie itself in knots. 

“You good?” he prompted after a beat of watching you work your mouth, trying to form words and failing.

What are we? is what you wanted to ask, but what came out was a forced smile and a choked “Yeah, I’m good. Gonna grab a drink. Catch up later?”

“Sure thing,” he mumbled as you quickly walked off, before muttering a string of curses under his breath. “Just fuckin’ talk to her, for fuck’s sake…”

~~~

“Hey, I’m Ashton,” the brunette smiled widely at you, offering his hand.

“Y/N,” you smiled back, shaking his hand.

“Can I get you a drink?”

“No thanks, I’m good.”

Ashton giggled, pushing a hand through his hair. “Alright then. Well… if you change your mind…”

“I probably won’t, but I’ll find you if I do.”

“Cool.”

You sighed, maybe a little dreamily, as he walked off. Sure, he was cute. But the first time meeting butterflies in your stomach would settle eventually. And with how you and Ashton appeared to run in the same circle of friends, you needed the phase to pass without playing into it. A relationship was the last thing you needed right now anyway. 

~~~

“Some fuckin’ phase…” you muttered to yourself as you grabbed a water bottle from a cooler. When you turned, you could see Ashton chatting with other friends of yours, his shirt being pulled tight against his back and shoulders as he moved his hands animatedly.

Your mind raced with who’s fault it was for the storm you couldn’t make sense of. On one hand, rationally, you knew it was your fault for being the one to set the friend boundary in the first place. But Ashton was the one who had crossed it. And now you were the one who felt like the clingy one-night stand, trying to put the pieces of a puzzle together with both sides blank. Although, in hindsight, maybe if it had only been a one-night stand, you could be playing it cool like he was.

~~~

“Oh, my God, get a room!” Calum groaned before chucking a pillow at Luke, and another one at Michael. “We have a rule against fucking in a public space for a reason.”

“We’re not fucking,” Michael defended, his words mumbled as his lips stayed locked on Crystal’s.

“Well, fuck you, I’m going to bed then. And wearing ear plugs I guess…” Calum rose to his feet with a huff.

“Night, mate,” Luke told him as he and Sierra came up for air, their foreheads knocking gently against each other’s.

Now alone to deal with the two couples making out like sex-crazed teenagers, you and Ashton shared a look where he made a kissy face that had you busting up laughing. 

“Alright, fine!” Michael threw up his hands in defeat. “We’ll go to bed.”

“Have fun!” Ashton grinned.

“Use protection!” you joined in on the teasing as both couples headed to their own rooms. “Ugh…” you sighed, stretching your arms over your head. “Is it wrong to be jealous?”

“Jealous of what? That?” Ashton asked, motioning towards Luke and Michael’s rooms.

“Yeah. Not necessarily the relationship bit. Still not sure I want that. But God, to just get fucked senseless by someone who’s not a rando every now and again would be nice.”

“Well…” he started, and you noticed the subtle switch to his suggestive tone. “You know where my room is.”

“Are you seriously trying to hit on me right now?”

He shrugged, raising his hands defensively. “Look. You’re the one who said you wanted to get fucked senseless by someone who’s not a rando. I just happen to be someone who’s not a rando to you, and I have a great track record of being one hell of a lay. So… you could just go to your room, and do whatever it is you do. Or you could come to mine, and I’ll treat you to a good time, no awkwardness afterward guaranteed.”

“No one can know.”

“Pity… I like ‘em loud.”

“Ashton.”

“Alright, alright. This stays between you and me, got it. Not a problem.”

~~~

Both of you thought that it would just be that night. That if it happened too much, things would either get awkward, or you’d run the risk of your friends catching on. But sex with Ashton was like a drug. And now things were definitely awkward. Or at least, you were awkward. And you didn’t know how to take it all back. To be the people you were when you first met. And more than that, you didn’t want that. All this time, you thought it was space that you needed. But Ashton wasn’t someone you could erase. Because even if you acted like regular friends in public, those moments underneath the sheets were heaven. But you could do without each middle-of-the-night goodbye tearing you more and more apart. You could do without thinking about him in every spare moment, and second guessing everything you ever thought you knew about him. And you could really do without crying every time you tried to convince yourself that it didn’t matter whether it's all in your head, or if it’s real. But alas, it seemed like you were destined to be just another woman who fell for Ashton Irwin, wishing to wake up with him still next to you just once. 

~~~

You stayed at Michael’s party for a while longer, making your rounds, while avoiding Ashton as much as you could, until you started your rounds of goodbyes.

“Headed out?” Ashton questioned, one arm wrapping around you for a side hug that made your insides twist more.

“Long day,” you half-lied.

He pulled a frown, wondering how much he should believe you or not. “Well, alright then. Text me when you get home so I know you got there safe?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“And uh…” he paused as his eyes darted around, checking to see if anyone was in earshot. “Call if you need to.” His breath was hot as it brushed against your ear, before his lips planted a quick kiss to the side of your head.

“Yep, see ya!” you said, maybe louder than you needed to before making your final exit.

Don’t call him, you thought on a loop the whole drive back to your apartment. 

Don’t call him, you thought as you texted the group chat that you got home, rather than just him. 

Don’t call him, you thought as you stared at your phone screen, finger hovering over his contact info. 

Sighing, you set your phone face down on your nightstand. It’s not like calling him would do any good if you didn’t know what to say anyhow. 

“Seriously, don’t do it,” you whispered to yourself as you changed into his hoodie for bed. If you couldn’t have him the way you wanted, this would have to be enough. Everything with all its complications would have to be enough.

You were double checking locks and turning off lights when your phone started ringing. You didn’t have time to process the name calling as you hit accept. “Hello?”

“Hey…” Ashton’s voice responded, sounding almost broken. 

“You alright?”

“Are you?” he countered. 

“Ash… look, it’s late, and I’m pretty tired.”

“I’m not calling you for sex, Y/N.”

“Then what else are you calling me for this late?”

“Would you just let me in please? It’s freezing out here.”

“Are you…?” You made your way through your apartment to the door, twisting the lock and pulling it open. “What are you…?”

“So you sleep in my clothes now?” Ashton asked, in lieu of answering your own half-asked questions. 

“It’s comfortable…” you mumbled, crossing your arms over your chest, as he walked past you, and sat down on your couch.

“I’m not mad,” he said, as you shut the door and made your way to sit next to him. “I mean, it’s fine. I don’t care that you wear it. It uh… looks good on you that way.” As if to illustrate his point, his fingers ran over your bare thighs.

You shifted away from his touch, tucking your legs underneath you. “What do you want, Ash?” you asked, cutting straight to the point. 

“I honestly don’t know. Cuz it changes. Sometimes I want my friend back because I feel like I’m losing her, especially these past few days. And other days… I dunno.”

“You think you’re losing me?”

“I mean…” he shrugged. “I hope I’m wrong. But yeah. It feels like that sometimes.”

“Ash…” You reached out to cradle his face in your hands, your thumbs brushing across his cheekbones. “You’re not losing me.”

“But it feels that way.” His hands pulled yours away from his face, but continued to hold them tightly as your hands dropped in his lap. “What did I do wrong?”

“Nothing! You did nothing wrong.”

“Then why are you acting like something’s changed?”

“Because something has changed, Ash.”

“Well, tell me! Tell me what it is, and I’ll fix it.”

“It’s me, Ash. I’m the something that’s changed.”

“I- I don’t think I understand.”

“I love you, Ashton.”

“I love you, too.”

“No. I’m in love with you.”

“Okay, and what’s so wrong with that?”

“Because you’re not in love with me back! Because I did this to myself! I tried to keep my distance because the last time I fell for someone I got hurt! But I let you get close anyway, because you’re you! And now I’m falling, and dammit I don’t wanna get hurt again!”

“Shh,” he soothed, pulling you into him as hot tears spilled down your face and onto his shirt. “Shh, it’s alright, Y/N. Everything’s alright.”

“No it’s not!” you sobbed into his chest. “I don’t know what we are, Ash! Are we just friends who have sex sometimes? Is that all we get to be to each other?”

“Look at me,” he coaxed gently, his hands rubbing up and down your back. “God damn it, look at me,” he repeated more sternly when you didn’t, his hands guiding your face to look at him. “Remember how I said I thought I was losing you?” he asked, his thumbs brushing away the tears as they continued to roll.

You sniffed loudly as you nodded.

“It’s because I’m in love with you, too. I thought I was pushing too far, and that’s why you were pulling away.”

You shook your head. “N-no. I was pu-pulling away, cuz I’m sc-scared to be in love with y-you.”

“Oh, honey, you don’t have to be scared of that.”

“I d-don’t?”

He chuckled lightly, placing soft kisses along your hairline. “Of course not,” he murmured. “Because we’re friends first, which means I’m not going anywhere.”

“But we’re more than that, too?”

“So much more than that.”

“Ash? Will you stay with me tonight? And be here in the morning?”

“Of course, baby.”

__

Tag List

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[yandere--stuck]

AHHH HIHI i ship with that clown version of springtrap!!! is there any chance i could get some sweet sweet hcs for the yan clown bunny?

I have literally been thinking about this all night!! It isn't hcs but. I hope it's still good úwù

Also i knows he's not fluffy but. The clown skin looks like it is,, let me have this

---

Special Delivery - Yandere!Clown Springtrap x Reader

It was an interesting idea - being able to order an actual, official Fazbear Entertainment animatronic and send it straight to your house. Apparently, it was for entertainment, company, decoration, or, as the website had stated: "Fun, fun, fun!" 

It was obviously too good to be true, looking back on it now.

And it sure is too bad that hindsight is always 20/20.

It was an impulse purchase, you admit. The thought of owning an actual Freddy Fazbear robot was too tempting to turn up, especially because it was oddly cheap, considering you were buying a fully operational animatronic. Perhaps they had gotten enough customers that they didn't really need to make it too pricey? Or maybe the original cost was always that cheap as a way as to attract a larger consumer audience?

Either way, you had decided on ordering it to get some of that sweet, sweet dopamine. The Freddy Fazbear franchise had always been close to your heart, and it was nice to see them expanding their business outside of restaurants. 

Your eyes lit up as you looked through their catalog, spotting SpringBonnie! Oh, he had always been your favorite! Though, he,wasn't around for long in the franchise - for some reason, they had permanently discontinued the SpringBonnie model, along with FredBear. Seeing him as a purchasable model made you grin, eyes crinkling as you figured this was a way to reintroduce the older models back into the franchise - and what better way to support such an effort than to order one yourself?

Clicking on SpringBonnie, you were taken to a second page. Alongside the origin model, there were other different "skins" you could order. A purple, "toxic" skin, a "flaming" skin, and… The newest one, marked as a "special delivery", for some reason making it cheaper - a Clown SpringBonnie. You certainly weren't expecting this, but… Ah, what the hell. The model was admittedly rather cute, cheaper than the others, and you were treating yourself! So, you added it to your cart and checked out.

The next few days past just as expected - You waited patiently for your package to arrive, going through the motions, thinking back on your purchase and trying not to regret it. God, you hoped it was at least somewhat intelligent, or otherwise you'd really have nothing to do with it and would most likely get bored of it in a few minutes… Oh, God, you hoped you wouldn't regret this.

So, perhaps that's why you were so hesitant to bring the large box placed at your stoop inside - that, and it was rather heavy. As you set it down inside your living room, a feel of foreboding washes over you. You had assumed that it was a gut-feeling of confirmation, that this purchase was stupid, you knew you'd regret it, this was a stupid idea-

Your forcibly dragged out of your train of thought when a large, fluffy arm bursts forth from within side the box. A scream rips from your throat, your legs turning to jelly as the box falls apart, revealing…

Exactly what you ordered. An oddly fluffy, spotted SpringBonnie model that towered over you. It looked around the room, as though it was taking in it's surroundings. It's head tilted down, lifting up it's arms and moving it's fingers, as if to study itself. Its eyes held a light within them, making it appear oddly intelligent.

"Heh, not bad." Oh. You hadn't expected it to speak - especially not in a gravelly, British accent. "Vanny has good taste."

Your mouth dropped open, horror washing over you. What the fuck?

"What the fuck…?" You choked out in a hoarse whisper, almost too scared to find your voice.

It's(?) eyes settle on you, and the machine appears to grin even wider. "Scared, are you?" It asked.

All you could do was whimper in response, too afraid to actually speak. A chuckle emanated from the robot(?)

"There's no need to be afraid, darling," THe SpringBonnie cooed, raising a hand to pet at the fluff of his chest. "Aren't I so cute and fluffy?"

It laughed darkly at it's own joke, but all you could do in reply was tremble with fear, legs just about to finally give up on you.

"So, you're supposed to be my "owner", huh? Cute." The SpringBonnie let out an amused scoff, slowly stalking toward you. You, however, were frozen, too scared to move. "I think I'll keep you."

The thing eventually stood mere inches away, towering over you. Grinning.

It (he?) rasped. "Do you know why they call me "Springtrap?""

You blinked. Your heart pounded in your chest. 

You shook your head no.

"Because I get'cha!" You screamed as Springtrap suddenly lunged forward, taking you into his arms and- … Pressing you flush against him. And as much as you waited for the end, it never came.

Above you, Springtrap chuckled. An odd purring sound emanated from within him as he spoke, voice much softer as he pet at your hair. "And when I do, I never let you go."

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

Some People Wrap Their Lies Around a Cocktail Glass | Damian Wayne

Come. And Be My Baby

✦ pairing — older!Damian Wayne x female!Plus Size Reader

✦ word count — 3k

✦ fake dating AU

✦ summary — you need to cover up the fact that your boyfriend broke up with you a week before your step-father’s Christmas party, and Damian needs a date for his father’s New Year’s ball. Both of you are experts at pretending, what could go wrong?

✦ warnings — some angst (very light, blink and you’ll miss it), mentions of alcohol, a little awkwardness, fluff.

✦ author's note — thank you for reading this mini series! Most things had to be improvised because I couldn’t follow the plan I had for this story due to health issues. I hope you like it.

✦ mini series masterlist

════════════════════════

Turning the TV off, you found your own reflection ridden by guilt on the black screen.

You forgot to tell your mother you had plans for New Year’s that didn’t involve your father. You could blame Travis in your head and convince yourself that the stress of your fight with him had clouded your judgment, but it was far from the truth.

His attitude hurt, but you found it hard to feel too upset about it. Damian had been a good distraction which was a problem in itself — said problem would bother you furthermore if he hadn’t been so perfect at playing his role.

And now you would have to impress his father. Well, his siblings too, even if he wanted to act like he didn’t care about anybody from his family.

You really needed to talk to your mother.

There was no chance you would find your mother at home. Leonard liked to welcome the new year out of the country. Calling home would be easier, you could leave her a message with a maid.

Contacting your father first would open the possibility of your mother finding out from him and you knew better than doing something like that to her.

As if the universe was on your side, your mother didn’t pick up the phone and the perfect middle ground came to your mind.

Leonard answered at the third ring, calling you by your nickname as he greeted you.

“My mother isn’t answering her phone. Is everything okay?”

“She’s at the spa.”

“Oh. That makes sense.”

“Did you need anything?”

You sighed. “Not exactly… but now that you mention it, I could use your help.”

“Is your father treating you badly?”

“No, no. It’s about Damian.” Before he could assume anything, you clarified, “He isn’t treating me badly either.”

“I’m all ears.”

You toyed with the tv remote, tracing the spaces between the buttons with your fingertip. “I… first, I need to tell you something,” you started, unsure. “But you have to promise mom will never find out.”

Leonard hummed. “Are you finally confessing that Damian isn’t your boyfriend?”

You winced. “Is it that obvious?”

“No. Harry told me about your fight with Trent.”

“Travis,” you corrected him.

“Him, yes,” Leonard dismissed the correction. “You didn’t have to lie to us, you know?”

“Mother was happy to know I was dating somebody,” you mumbled, “but Travis chickened out.”

“And Damian didn’t.”

“Exactly.”

“So? What’s the issue?”

Shifting, you rested your head on the arm of the couch. You felt like a teen again, telling Leonard about your day and the drama in your friend group. “I think I like him. I don’t know, I’m confused.”

“Give yourself time to figure it out.” It sounded easy coming out of his mouth.

“I wish I could. I have to get ready in like two hours to attend a ball with him, and I’ll have to pretend to be his perfect girlfriend like he pretended to be my perfect boyfriend.”

“You’ll do great,” he said gently. “You’ve pretended to enjoy events before.”

“I’ve never pretended to be perfect.”

“Because you don’t have to. Treat it like you used to treat the events you attended us. Why was that so easy to do?”

“Because I wanted you to look good.”

“Do you want Damian to look good?”

“Yes.”

“There’s your answer.” Good ol’ Leonard, always so patient with you.

“Will you help me get a new identity if I mess it up?”

He snorted. “Anything you want. Always.”

“I’m guessing you can tell my mother to call me?” You tried your luck, “Or let her know I won’t visit my father…”

“You’re not getting out of that one.”

“Fair enough,” you laughed softly.

Later, as you were getting ready, a question filled your mind — did Leonard imply Damian and you would be a good couple or did you imagine that?

════════════════════════

You jumped upon hearing the doorbell. Taking your clutch from the coffee table, you checked yourself on the mirror one last time.

Opening the door, you found an impeccably dressed Damian. His aftershave hit your nostrils immediately, mixed with his cologne.

“Ready?” he asked.

No. “Yes,” you assured him, watching him step backward to give you space.

You felt his eyes on you as you locked the door. Your eyes locked with his when you turned around, but neither of you said anything.

“My siblings might be too much to handle at first,” he warned you.

You shifted to look at him as he drove. “Is that a good or a bad thing?”

“I’ll let you decide once you meet them.”

“Oh, you’re cruel.”

He almost smiled.

This time the drive was shorter, and if Damian was nervous, he knew how to hide it to perfection.

His wall crumbled rather quickly. His eyes were fixed on the butler, gaze softening as he was greeted. You heard him refer to the butler by his last name, and introduce you.

“Please call me Alfred, miss.”

“Thank you, Alfred. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

The old man smiled at you, bowing.

A commotion behind Alfred interrupted the butler himself who moved to the side. A blue-eyed man grabbed Damian by the shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug.

Damian inhaled sharply, patting the other man’s back a few times. “Richard,” he whined, “you’re ruining my attire.”

“Don’t worry. Jason isn’t even wearing a tux.” Hearing Damian scoff, Richard let go of him.

You stifled a laugh, watching Damian fix imaginary creases on his blazer. He sent you a glare, mouth twitching as he saw you pursing your lips.

“Hold it! You brought at date?!”

Standing straight, Damian introduced you to Richard as his girlfriend. You extended your free hand in a polite gesture that Richard almost found insulting.

You too were pulled into a hug. And welcomed to the family. “I can’t believe this!”

“Richard,” Damian gritted.

Ignoring his brother, the man hugging you said, “Call me Dick. Dami refuses to do it for whatever reason.”

You hugged him back, wondering if this was what Damian meant by too much. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dick.”

Dick shuffled, quite excited as he attempted to guide you towards the reception with an arm around your neck. “Come. Everybody will be happy to meet you.”

“Hey!” Damian exclaimed. “She’s my girlfriend, I should be the one introducing her!”

God. How many times would he call you his girlfriend? And how many times would you be able to take it?

Dick smiled, withdrawing his arm off you. “Of course.”

Damian lightly shoved Dick as he took your hand. His eyes found yours once again, silently asking you if you were ready. Gripping his hand, you lied by assuring him you were.

Two men and two women were in the living room. You recognized Jason immediately thanks to Dick’s comment about his lack of suit.

Chatter died down as four pairs of eyes fixed on you and Damian. You weren’t sure if they were shocked because Damian was there or because he had taken you with him.

“Hello,” Damian greeted blandly.

Jason snorted. “Definitely not a clone.”

The other man stood up, smiling at Damian. “Welcome home, Dami.”

“Thank you… Tim.”

Tim’s smile turned even brighter. He introduced himself to you unprompted, and he did a better job at hiding his surprise than Dick.

Everybody did, in fact. Jason winked at Damian as he congratulated him, Stephanie said she was happy for the two of you, and Cassandra stared straight into your soul before giving you a small smile.

Just when you thought things would go smoothly, somebody else entered the room and your stomach dropped.

Bruce stood in front of you and Damian, seemingly at a loss of words.

“I’m glad you could make it.”

Damian have his father a curt nod. Seeing his eyes deviate toward you, he opened his mouth to introduce you.

You were quicker. It was only fair, he hadn’t made you introduce him to your mother and he had already done the work with his siblings.

Bruce wasn’t interested in hiding his shock upon hearing you were Damian’s girlfriend. “You didn’t say anything about a girlfriend at work.”

“I didn’t find it appropriate,” Damian explained with ease.

“We should have dinner next week so we can get to know you better,” Bruce suggested, eyes solely on you.

“O—of course, sir.” What were you getting yourself into?

“I wish we had more time tonight,” Bruce continued, “but our guests will be arriving any moment now.”

Bruce was proven right as Alfred announced the arrival of a few guests.

Throughout the night, Damian watched you charm people he had never cared for and people he had once struggled to have in his pocket alike.

He felt you lace your arm with his and follow the pattern of his steps to walk in sync with him.

He heard you laugh with his siblings and gossip with Stephanie as if you had known them for years.

He became aware of the warmth of your palms and the coldness of your fingers as you danced.

And he couldn’t bear it.

Damian slowly slid his arm off yours and excused himself.

You decided to give him space. He would’ve asked you to go with him if he wanted your company.

It was clear that you weren’t the only one who was overwhelmed, and at the end of the night, he was the one who needed to look good. He deserved a break.

Damian roamed the main hallway, so familiar yet so foreign. Nothing had changed except for him and said changes weren’t unwelcome.

In hindsight, the only unwelcome thing he could find was how much he was dreading the end of the night.

He found his way back to the living room and stood in front of the window. He could see a couple hiding behind Alfred’s perfectly trimmed bushes, presumably making out.

Not many minutes passed before he heard approaching steps. He should’ve expected Dick to follow him.

“I didn’t think you’d show up,” Dick broke the silence. “But I’m glad you did. And I’m glad you brought your girlfriend with you.”

Humming, Damian continued staring at the greenery. “I always keep my promises.”

“And secrets, huh. We wouldn’t have known you had a girlfriend if you hadn’t come.”

“I suppose not.”

“You okay? I know you don’t want to be here, but—“

Damian interrupted him, “I am not uncomfortable here. Surprisingly.”

“Who are you and what have you done with my little brother?”

Damian tore his eyes off the window and glared at Dick.

“You know I’m joking.”

Sighing, Damian nodded. “I’m not used to… this.”

“Care to be more specific?”

“Not really.”

Dick stayed silent, respecting Damian’s line. The two of them enjoyed a silent moment together, staring out of the window.

A snicker blurted out of Dick as he caught sight of the couple Damian had spotted. Both were doing a poor job at fixing their attire.

Damian huffed a laugh, sharing an amused look with his brother.

“We should go back before Bruce starts the toast.”

Damian motioned for his brother to lead the way.

He took his spot next to you, snaking his arm around your waist. You leaned into his touch, feeling his steady breathing.

He didn’t give a single sign of being upset, so you asked him in a whisper, “Everything okay?”

“Don’t worry,” he answered in your ear.

You fought against the shiver the gesture sent down your spine.

════════════════════════

Leaving Wayne Manor was harder than you expected it to be. You would never judge Damian for wanting to be away from his family, he had his reasons, you simply didn’t share the sentiment.

You managed to fit easily with them, and what marveled you the most was how little you had to pretend to be somebody else.

The sight of your building saddened you. Everything would be over in a few minutes, just what you had wanted the day before, and you weren’t looking forward to it.

Walking down the hallway in silence, you were about to say good night as you approached his door when Damian asked, “Can you come in for a little bit?”

You nodded, not ready for the night to end. “Sure.”

Damian unlocked his door and allowed you to get in first, turning the lights on as he entered the apartment behind you.

“Do you want anything to drink?”

You shook your head. “I drank enough already.”

He shed his blazer, going straight to the point, “Travis was right.”

His comment took you aback. You didn’t expect this from Damian. You didn’t even want to believe it. Deciding to give him the benefit of the doubt, you asked, “About what?”

“You should have been with me from the beginning. And I hadn’t even...” He made a face, as though the right words were escaping him. That was a first. “I can’t tell you I love you. Not now, that would be insane. But I’m pretty sure I’m halfway there.”

He undid his tie, speaking still, “I can’t pinpoint the exact moment when I started falling for you, I just know it makes all the sense in the world.”

Damian never imagined his life going like this. Romance wasn’t on his list of priorities when he left the manor. Or ever. He wanted to know himself properly, to be his own person, to finally let go of the bottled-up resentment.

He liked to think he had accomplished those things, and he had done so on his own. He was proud of that — of himself.

“You made the bad days worth it without even knowing,” he continued talking. You had never heard him speak this much. “The days in which I believed there was nothing more to myself than what everybody wanted to believe, mostly. You didn’t know a damn thing about me, and if you did then you never showed it. I was just Damian, your neighbor.”

“I—“

He shushed so you would shut up. He wasn’t done. “I was just Damian to you even tonight, surrounded by people who only see me as an extension to my father.”

“I like being just Damian. And for a while, I thought that was it. We’re good friends, we feel comfortable around each other… but the fact that you are gorgeous was never going to help my case.”

He stopped you before you could say anything. Almost desperate as he said, “I didn’t offer to do this because I wanted you to like me, or because I wanted to know how it felt like to be your partner. I need you to know that.”

“I also need you to know that the only reason why I’m telling you all of this is that I wish I didn’t have to lie when I told my family you were my girlfriend, because I wish you could truly get to know my father… because my family likes you and you like them, and it feels good.”

Getting rid of your coat, you let it fall onto the couch beside you. “Can I talk now?”

“You don’t have to say anything.”

You nodded. “But I want to.” When you were sure he wouldn’t interrupt again, you spoke, “I don’t know what’s going on. I mean, I’m not blind, you’re handsome, and I like spending time with you...”

“But?” he asked, impatient.

“There’s not a but. Let me finish!”

He motioned for you to go on.

“This is new. And I’m... confused?” You shook your head. “Not confused. Maybe surprised?” Chuckling, you messed with your hair. “I was going to distance myself from you for a little while to figure things out. And now I feel like I wouldn’t bear it.”

He swallowed loudly. “I can give you space if that’s what you need.”

“No.” It wasn’t what you needed, it couldn’t be when you felt the most comfortable around him.

Damian sat down, watching you. He liked doing it, following the movement of your lips as you spoke, and the way your hands seemed to have a mind of their own.

“I like being just Damian,” he repeated. “But I would love to be your Damian.”

Flushed, you admitted, “I like the sound of that.”

“Would you like to be my (Name)?” he asked softly.

“I would love to.”

“We can take things slow,” he assured you, eyes dancing all over your face. “I don’t want to pressure you or myself.”

You sat next to him. “It’s fine by me.”

Damian softly smiled. He placed his hand on top of yours, gripping it as his warmth eased the coldness of your fingers.

You returned the smile. “What a week, huh?”

“Eventful,” he conceded, scooting closer to you.

“At least we had an exciting end of the year.”

He playfully narrowed his eyes. “Is the Venn diagram between your idea of excitement and your idea of anxiety a perfect circle?”

You elbowed him on the side. “It wasn’t that bad.” Turning to look at him, you added, “Was it?”

Shaking his head, he stared at your lips as he whispered, “Should we make it more exciting?”

You licked your bottom lip, lightly leaning in. “It’s only fair.”

Damian left the playfulness to the side and captured your lips between his. The kiss was short and chaste, a perfectly acceptable first kiss between people who hadn’t known what they felt for each other until a few days ago.

But you soon remembered that it didn’t have to stop there. That you didn’t want it to. So you kissed him again, and Damian allowed you to set the pace at first.

Withdrawing his hand from yours, he wrapped his arm around your neck and brought you closer, prompting you to place your farthest hand on his shoulder as you tilted your head.

You felt him smile against your lips before the pressure of his mouth on yours became harsher.

Thankfully, you wouldn’t need a new identity. You liked yours very much.

[greensword101]

This is for @barely-nok. I’m sorry it took so long to get some Obake content out for you to consume. I hope you find it tasty lol.

Obake never drank on principle. He needed to keep a clear head and heads were meant for thinking. And thinking meant he could create what he wanted to the limit or even beyond that.

But even sober, his brain would...fizzle if Kei ever so much as blinked at him prettily. Or pouted. Or cheerily threatened to sing “I’m Henry the Eighth , I Am” if he didn’t agree to take a break and - urgh! Just acknowledging the phrase made him feel filthy - spend some “quality time” with a coworker.

Personally speaking, Obake would have preferred the term “expendable” or “replaceable” or “unpaid intern that wasn’t getting extra credit or the merits of knowledge.” Oh, but he would pay anything to get DeciBull out of his sight! And hearing range.

Then again, hearing range would be preferable. Wild cards like Kei were acceptable. DeciBull - or Wil as Kei had casually greeted him by to the former’s chargain -  was more of a Jack; weaker than Obake, but still a threat nonetheless.

If Kei hadn’t taken the car and driven off to God knew where, he would have stormed out of the bar and left that arsehole behind. Maybe steal his glasses and see if the chubby man with a guitar gimmack could find his way back home without falling off the pier.

Wil had barely touched his first bottle and was glowering at his phone for the past half hour. This suited Obake swimmingly, if not for the fact that Kei would know that they hadn’t made any attempt at all and would be tormenting him with that song again! And she would enlist Noodle Burger Boy this time, he was certain. And possibly Trina, though he was certain she would be directed towards Wil instead.

Obake collected himself and recited the longest formulas in the Periodic Table before he rigidly glanced over to Wil.

“I’m surprised you aren’t taking advantage of the karaoke here.”

Wil yelped and fumbled with his phone - mumbling apologies to the bartender as he passed - before gaping at Obake.

“Interesting...” Obake murmured.

“What?” Wil asked bemused.

“You almost looked like an intelligent being for a moment.”

Wil scowled, “Funny.” 

Then a smile crept onto his face. Obake stiffened. He knew he could take the man, he was slimmer and certainly wasn’t sluggish, but bars were always tricky to maneuver around in. Inebriation, sympathizers, or anyone looking for an excuse to be aggressive would make Obake beating Wil up...troublesome.

“Something amusing to you?” Obake took a sip from his own glass to appear ignorant and casual.

“Just thinking how whipped you must be if Kei could make you spend time with me,” Wil leaned in conspiratorially, “Tell me, does she make you sleep on the couch when you misbehave?”

Obake sputtered and and gave Wil a hard stare. Wil stared back undaunted.

“Shut your mouth and have your bloody drink, why don’t you?” Obake snarled and took another, deeper sip from his glass. He was used to dealing with the aggressive and almost territorial behavior Wil demonstrated back at the base. He did not want to be sober to process that Wil was capable of having bloody cheek.

“How can I have my ‘bloody drink’ if my mouth’s shut?” Wil asked innocently.

“Test my patience and we’ll find out soon enough,” Obake growled under his breath. He could do it.  One stab between the ribs and he could slip out in the noise and confusion. He just didn’t want to put up with Kei pestering him when he got back and possibly annoying her with a potential murder.

Wil sniggered and had another swig of his beer. He went back to his phone, but he barely seemed to be reading what was on the screen.

That was...unexpected. But it was a better alternative to dealing with a feral monkey by himself. Obake found himself enjoying the Manhattan more than he expected and finished it off. He was beginning to fish the cherry out when Wil spoke up again.

“Was it good?”

Obake groaned and glowered at Wil, who was starting at his empty glass curiously. What didn’t that fool understand about having a little peace and quiet?

“I don’t typically drink myself,” Wil mumbled into his bottle and drank. He sputtered for a few moments and continued, “I just stick to a beer once in a while.”

“Thank Heaven for small miracles, then,” Obake narrowed his eyes and waved the bartender over, “Another one, if you would be so kind.”

“Me too,” Wil smiled at the bartender and held up his empty bottle. Amazingly, the bartender smiled back and came back moments later with their second drinks. Wil called after him as he walked off, “Thanks, Jim!”

“You frequent this place often?” Obake ventured and helped himself to his second Manhattan. Screw sobriety, it had been so long since he had anything that tasted so good touch his lips.

“I used to,” Wil admitted, “Just for a bite and maybe a bottle. That’s kind of how me and Kei met, actually.”

“A little nip before beddybye?” Obake cooed mockingly at him.

“Crime and I have something in common,” Wil smirked, “We rarely sleep.”

“Tragic,” Obake chuckled and raised his glass in mock salute, “To your insomnia, I suppose.”

Wil raised his beer in kind, “And to good company if I ever get any.”

Now, they both laughed for real. Obake noticed for the first time how pleasantly red Wil’s face had become. Was it the alcohol or the first genuine spark of life he was expressing? If it was the latter, that would mean Kei was behind it somehow.

Suddenly, the good feeling popped like a soap bubble and Obake hid his displeasure by finishing off his second Manhattan. Wil gawked at him.

“You should slow down, Kei is gonna freak if she has to pick us up from the ER because you got alcohol poisoning or something.”

“Kei this, Kei that, you haunt her like a lapdog!” Obake spat out. Damn that woman and her silly, childish notions of fun and damn that boulder she decided would make good company!

Wil blinked and leaned back a little. A moment later, he was glowering back with that familiar hostility, “At least I don’t treat her like a nuisance like you do! Do you have any idea how much she cares about you?!”

“Cares?” Obake snapped his fingers at Jim for another glass and leaned closer to Wil’s face. His nostrils flared and he could feel Wil tense inches away from him. “Why would she have to care about me? If that’s what you call pity, then I’ve no need for it! She can pretend all she wants that we’re all supposed to be some family, but in the end, that’s all it’s going to be. A stupid dream! Why would she care about making me ‘socialize’ with the others or spending ‘quality time’ with her silly boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend?!”

Obake jabbed a finger into Wil’s chest, “Don’t play coy! I know you think I’m a prat to her! And I know you won’t believe that she can almost make me feel human! But you don’t have to worry about me getting in the way, Prince Charming! She’s all yours, so you don’t have to worry about me -”

“I’m gay.”

“And I’m Bob, the pleasure’s all...what.” Obake had to take a moment to process Wil’s flat retort.

“Gay. I like guys. I love them. I love kissing them. And I’m already taken.”

Obake opened his mouth and closed it again. He noticed that his third Manhattan had arrived and wasted no time downing it. Wil didn’t repeat how it wasn’t safe to do this time, and he was thankful for that. 

Suddenly, he felt someone standing right behind him and stilled.

“Is he giving you problems, Wil?”

“No worries, Eugene,” Wil smiled at the person behind him, “Just clearing up a misunderstanding over here.”

Obake felt a little dizzy and pinched his nose, “Let me understand this correctly. You have never had feelings for Kei?”

“Platonically, yes. Romantically or otherwise? No.”

“And this whole time, yo - you’ve...” Why couldn’t he find the right words? “You’ve...acted harshly because...?”

“Because she’s one of my best friends and I don’t want her to get hurt,” Wil said firmly. He pointed at Obake with a fiercely protective look, “I can’t help who she wants to connect with, but I won’t stand by and let her get hurt. She’s gone through too much to deserve that.”

“Alright, I’m just going to butt in for a moment here,” Eugene moved from behind Obake and stood to Wil’s left, wrapping an arm across him protectively. He was pleasant to the eyes; tall, broad, dark brown hair and a scruffy goatee. He looked at Wil, bemused, “You weren’t here scooping for another cutie, babe?”

“Wh...why...why would he...?” Obake’s tongue felt like lead. Dear Lord, he could barely speak, he was so embarrassed.

“Because this is a gay bar?” Eugene supplemented as if it weren’t obvious. Obake blinked. Come to think of it, it was rather odd no one had come to bother them when they came in. Did...did that mean...?

Somewhere in San Fransokyo, Kei was laughing herself silly. Obake was certain of it. 

“Everything alright over here?” Another voice, deeper than Eugene’s mischievous and light tone asked.

“Hey ‘Nan! This is an acquaintance of mine,” Wil helped himself to his beer, “and apparently he thought I was stealing his girlfriend until a few moments ago. Bob, this is Kanan. My other boyfriend.”

“Other...” Obake’s head was swimming. This was too much to process...

“Yeah,” Wil said shyly, “We’re...we’re kind of a poly sort of thing.”

As if to prove his point, Eugene promptly gave Wil a deep kiss on the lips that was eagerly returned. Kanan came into view and Obake noticed how dark skinned he was and the ponytail before he decided he was too sober to handle this all right now.

He made to stand and tripped over his stool. And a moment later, his Manhattans returned and splashed all over the floor.

In hindsight, he should have checked how much alcohol was in each glass...

It was about a half hour later when Kei found all four of them outside the bar with Obake being supported by an irksome Wil and amused Eugene. Kanan looked torn between disapproval and laughter.

“Was it fun?” Kei asked hesitantly. Obake took one look at her and sighed. It was his own fault for drinking too much.

“It was something,” Wil supplemented as he helped buckle Obake into the backseat, “And educational, apparently, so that’s a plus.”

“We were there at the tail-end,” Eugene added helpfully, “It was kind of entertaining.”

“You sure you can take care of this?” Kanan asked Wil.

Wil looked at Obake and sighed, “We’ll be alright. Thanks, anyways.”

“See you at the next heist meet, babe!” Eugene blew a kiss.

“Tell Raps and Hera I said hi!” Wil called back as they drove off.

“And here I thought I’d be picking you up at the police station for a bar brawl,” Kei half joked.

“Stay with me, Bob!” Wil shook Obake gently, “Don’t go to sleep. First rule in treating alcohol poisoning.”

“Piss off...” Obake slurred.

Wil sighed and let his head sink against the headrest for a few moments. Why didn’t he just become an accountant like his parents wanted?

“Wil...” Obake said sluggishly, “In..in the...event...I survive this with my memory intact. Would you...do it again?”

Wil blinked in surprise and chuckled weakly, “Only if you watch what you drink next time, lightweight.”

“Momma’s boy.”

“Evil Brit.”

“Four Eyes.”

“Nnnnnnnnnnneeeee~rrrrrrrrrds!” Kei cackled as her passengers bickered with each other without any former hostility from before.

[fallenrepublick]

forgive me if you've done this and I've just missed them but how would Maul, Savage, and Thrawn react to/treat their s/o when they get their period? Thank you!

God I felt this and I wish I didn’t

Maul

Oh honey, you are not standing up today.

Or the rest of the week

This time sucks, and no matter how bad or how light it is, he’s fully aware that you just don’t wanna do anything. And it’s not like he’s going to try and force you to.

On the days he knows are the worst, he checks in regularly with you. Are you hungry? Sick? Do you just need a hug? He doesn’t want you feeling embarrassed to ask him for anything.

Eventually, he gets pretty familiar with the schedule and which days are the really bad days.

And once he knows it through and through, he’s hella prepared. He has your needs memorized for each day until it’s over, to the point of going a little overboard. But he sticks to it, because he can.

He becomes remarkably flexible with his interactions with you, leaving you be to sleep or just to be alone if you want, or taking an entire day for you to cling to him like a sloth.

But, he can also sense it off of you.

On the days it approaches, he might have to keep himself from going a little... wild from the sheer hormonal build-up that happens.

He can control himself... most of the time.

But then he remembers that you’re actively in pain and he snaps right out of it to help you to the best of his abilities.

Savage

You’re on what now

In hindsight, he probably should’ve asked if you had any... natural challenges like this outside of medication or anything like that. It just never really occurred to him?

The first time it happened around him, you weren’t expecting it, and he noticed.

Needless to say, he panicked initially, thinking you were hurt without his knowledge.

He was this close to carrying you to the medbay.

You had to frantically reassure him that you were not, in fact, dying, and just had to live through this every month.

And he asks you why, in the name of god, is it bloody

And you have to reply that it just is.

He wasn’t keen on that answer, but he had little say in that. Later on, he began discovering all the other issues that come along with it.

He’s terribly gentle with you when you get it. Regardless of how often it happens, he can’t seem to get used to it, and a lingering unease always sits in the back of his head.

He keeps it to himself most of the time, keeping himself at your beck and call every single day. Even if you insist on getting up and doing stuff, he tries to keep most of the work pressure off of you.

And yes, he does sense it before and during it. But the first time he encountered the feeling, he assumed it was an issue on his part, and refused to acknowledge it. Now, though, he knows what it is, and makes a point to warn you beforehand.

Thrawn

Done. No worries. He knew it was going to happen and took all of the necessary steps to be ready when it did.

He has a storage space for everything. And he found out what products you liked best, and stocked up on them to last you forever.

Any pain meds, prescriptions, or everyday items are in abundance in your room for when the time comes for them.

He’s awfully good with his hands, and when you lay around, body aches making life difficult, he can come over and massage your head and arms with the skill of a professional.

His room is very nice, and when you accidentally leave marks on the sheets or chairs, you may feel a bit guilty about it and all of the cleaning that has to be done.

But he insists there’s no need to feel bad about such things. Cleaning products exist for a reason, right? Besides, he can’t fault you for your natural functions.

He doesn’t like it when you work during this time. He feels like it hinders your ability to recuperate and that you deserve a break from everything.

No one’s allowed to bother you. No. One. There’s consequences for people who try.

He’s attentive and almost always nearby. There seems to be a solution for every problem you have, and he makes it clear that he has everything you could ever need. You don’t have to feel bad or embarrassed, because he believes it’s his responsibility to care for you when times are difficult.

[crushing-on-nico-di-angelo]

Seven Nights in Cabin Thirteen

I’m inspired by another post I saw here that I didn’t wish to hijack lol, and OP deactivated or else I’d link their account here. credits to @the-ghost-king for the idea of a demigod therapy/Will being a past drug addict on this post. Yes this is a bad fic. It’s also my first fic ever. Please criticize if you see anything

Will never thought that he would ever appreciate his first monster attack. He was seven years old, and in hindsight his teacher probably only worked there to prey on young demigods (at least, that’s why he suspects the attack happened so early in his life compared to other demigods). But when Lee Fletcher sat him down 4 years later and told him that he was trans and would now be known as Lee instead of his birth name, Will knew that everything happened for a reason.

After many conversations with Lee about how he knew (gods bless that man’s patience) and with an older Athena camper who’s special interest dealt in psychology, Will realized the reason that he always felt disconnected from his mom and sisters in Austin was because he was like Lee. He was a boy.

Telling people wasn’t easy. Of course his older brother had to know; he was the one who introduced Will to this concept. Telling the rest of camp was as easy as telling Chiron, who told Dionysus, who always threatened to turn anyone into a dolphin if they talked shit about any trans kid. Telling his mom... that had to be the hardest part. How was he supposed to tell them? The only similarities they all had were that they were all musically inclined and that they were all girls.

Apparently, Will forgot that Naomi Solace was a musician. The music industry has more queers than an all girl’s school GSA. Her only questions were “Alright, what’s your name then, kiddo?” and “When do you want to set up an appointment with a therapist?” As for his siblings, well, let’s just say the oldest, Frankie, always knew. And it didn’t take long for seven-year-old Mickey to cut her doll-that-somehow-looked-exactly-like-Will’s hair and change his notes from high to low when she accompanied his singing on violin, as part of voice training.

Four years has passed since then and Will can hardly believe it. He’s stealth back at Austin because it’s just easier that way, but since a quarter of the camp knew him since he was seven, he figured there was no point; it isn’t like anyone treated him as though he wasn’t a man-- er, boy-- at camp anyways. So, life went on. He got his period for the first time during the Battle of Manhattan, that was no fun, but luckily Thalia was cool about it and made sure not to tell anyone. He started binding shortly afterwards, got a couple bruises hear and there. Kayla yelled at him for a week for that one, he remembers fondly. Discovered why it’s better to take off your contacts in the shower... that day isn’t such a fond memory. That was the first and last time he ever made himself bleed. Although, he will say that’s what sparked his interest in medicine and what made him the best doctor Camp Half Blood had seen in decades at the mere age of 15 years old. Life at camp was good, if a bit dull. He got used to the routine and the constant influx of damaged campers, the siblings and friends, and the always-perfect Texas Barbecue and Coke.

That is, until the War Between the Camps happened. Lou Ellen woke Will up before sundown that day and told him their plan. They were to hide in the tall grasses and wait for Camp Jupiter to show their ugly faces. Cecil had the genius idea to paint their faces and arms black so they’d blend into the night better, and Will supposes in the hubub of everything they forgot that his hair nearly (”nearly”) glows, even at night. Until Mr. Nico “I’m so smart, I nearly killed myself shadow travelling” di Angelo pointed it out. Whatever, it made sense at the time. They won the war against Gaea, not without sacrifice, and they finally, finally got past all the wars and destruction and health issues that they were able to just hang out and get to know each other as friends.

And boy, was their friendship amazing. Nico had the best taste in music from Will’s eyes, and that’s saying something because Will is a music snob. Nico could be a little stubborn at times, but that’s alright because so was Will (”Gods damn it, Nico, if you don’t take your medication right this second I will-” “You’ll what? Hm? You’ll force it down my throat? Last I checked that was abuse.”). They fit together so perfectly and became fast friends.

It wasn’t always sunshine and lollipops, though. What is, for a demigod? Will relapsed once and passed out right in front of Nico’s cabin. He was crashing from an exciting high that he hadn’t experienced in so long, and he felt so tired and ashamed of himself. Methamphetamine was a goddamned bitch, so while he was coming out of withdrawals, he made Nico promise not to let him leave the cabin for a week were simmering down. He had to make sure something like this never happened again. They Iris Messaged  Chiron and explained the situation, and he understood. He made sure to contact the older son of Dionysus who had been Will’s therapist in the past and said what had happened and they agreed on a session for soon after Will got mostly over his cravings.

So now they had a week of downtime together. Awesome.

“Solace, do you need anything? Are you okay?” Nico asked towards the end of the first full day that withdrawals were over.

“I’m-- fuck. I’m fine. I swear.” He responded unconvincingly.

“That’s not what you said last night... no offense, but I’m not fully inclined to believe you when you look like shit.”

“It- It... it’s not something I’d like to talk about, if that’s alright. And... don’t tell Clarisse, please.”

“I’m not going to tell anyone, don’t worry. But I would like to know if this is going to be a common occ--” Before he could even finish asking, Will was already shaking his head and responding.

“One-time thing only, I promise. Gods, I’m sorry I showed up here at all.”

“Woah, buddy. That’s not what I was saying at all. You’re my best friend, I’m glad you came here.” Will almost couldn’t believe what Nico was saying. Then again, did Nico have very many friends? Nico himself certainly didn’t seem to think so. “In any case, you don’t have to explain what happened, or what led up to this, or anything like that. I don't need to know. What I do need you to do, however, is take a shower. I’m sorry to say so, but you smell like ass.”

“Yeah well, I’m…” He couldn’t finish his sentence. How do you explain to someone that he still wanted his drugs, and he didn’t want to leave the cabin because he knew he would leave to go find some before he would even think about going to his own cabin at this point.

“You don’t have to leave,” Nico said, perhaps sensing his agitation. “I have a shower in the cabin.”

“What the fuck do you mean you have a shower in the cabin?” The shock of this knowledge get him out of his stuck mind. “How did you get plumbing in here? How did Chiron allow this?”

“I helped design my cabin, and while I may not have all the experience in architecture that Annabeth does, I do know a thing or two. I did meet with Isambard Kingdom Brunel, you know.”

“I did not know. You- Who is Isambard Kingdom Brunel?” Will asked

“Oh, some civil engineer who is like a million years old.” Will scoffed at that.

“You’re one to talk,” he teased. He was never going to let go of the fact that Nico was technically like 80 years old.

“Oh hush, William.” William… never Will, like most people. William… like he was something special, something that deserved three syllables. “Anyways, like I was saying: take a shower. You look like you were up mowing all of camp with a flashlight.”

Knowing Will’s reaction to drugs, that wasn’t unlikely. He stood up. “Lead the way? I’ve never been around your cabin before.”

Nico’s cabin was unlike any others. Using some sort of Doctor Who-like technology, there was a living room, a kitchen, and one room. Surprisingly, the walls were all light or pastel, a stark contrast from Nico’s general (and unintentional) punk-rock appearance. However, the furniture was all a deep black. Nico led him to his room, a minimalistic one with a bed, a desk, and a lamp. Will wondered where all the personalization was, but made no comment.

“Here’s the shower,” Nico pointed to yet another room in this somehow huge cabin. “If you see something amiss or odd… ignore it.” Will didn’t want to think of the implications of that sentence.

He stepped in the shower and oh my gods, watching the dirt and grime wash off him after his 8 hour high-- which he did not want to think about (and not just because the author doesn’t want to taint his search history), it was too embarrassing-- was a wonderful feeling. He was still tired. He didn’t know why, it didn’t used to be this hard. However, he was pretty sure that he tried to clean the entire outside of the hypnos cabin before going over to the Hades cabin to do the same. This was the first and last time Will would ever thank the gods for Nico’s poor sleeping patterns, he had heard him outside and came to get him before he tired himself out more.

He nearly passed out in the shower again but managed to make it out. He looked around the well-stocked bathroom and realized something that he probably should have bothered to notice before: he didn’t have any clothes with him. Fuck. He wrapped a (black) towel around his chest because he didn’t think his body could take anymore binding and prayed to Dionysus that Nico didn’t notice that his chest wasn’t exactly male.

Luckily, the first thing Nico did say was “Is that a tattoo?”

Will looked down at his sun. “Yeah, it is,” he smiled. He remembered the night he did it, it was kind of hard. He ordered a tattoo gun off amazon and had Frankie do it for him shortly after the Battle of Manhattan. Some people might think it’s in honor of his dad, which is fine. It was really for Lee Fletcher, though. His mom totally freaked, for a really long time, but after his C-PTSD diagnoses she realized that whatever works for him works as long as it isn’t drugs or self harm. He knows she wants a future for him that doesn’t involve music, and that’s why she freaked. She thought it would ruin his chances. But it’s right on his shoulder, only visible in tank tops or no shirt.

"It… its to honor the man who taught me I could be myself." Will said after a small pause.

"That's a very lovely sentiment. If he made that much of an impact on you, he must be a very cool person."

"He was." Will knew that Nico heard the was by the way that Nico nodded solemnly. "I uh… I don't wish to be more of a bother, but do you mind if I go to bed now? That shower really helped."

"Yeah, of course. I can take the couch, you know where my bed is-"

"No, absolutely not." Nico sighed softly, as though he expected this. "I can sleep on the couch, in Austin I actually prefer it to my bed."

"That's-- no offense William, but that's weird."

"It feels less lonely to me," Will protested, then let out a huge yawn.

"Alright cowboy-" Will smiled at Nico's nickname for him "-get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"Nighty night, Neeks. Love you." he didn't miss the small smile on Nico's face before he walked away. Will has always been very loose with his 'I love you's like that. He figured it's better to say it too much than not enough.

He had found his old stash the night before, the one that Clovis had helped him forget about. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about last nights events. At the time,he told himself that he shouldn't do anything with it, and put it out of his mind for about a week, but eventually his urge to smoke overcame his self-control. He went on a rampage of cleaning and was absolutely certain he looked like a madman. The worst part is, he didn't even know why he did it. It was as though his rehabilitation hadn't even happened, as though this was something that was as natural as getting a cup of coffee in the morning. He was so mad at himself, so embarrassed.

These thoughts occupied his mind until he fell asleep about an hour after his last words to Nico. He slept with no dreams, for the first time in about a month.  

word count: 2,245

[youllallriseintheink]

Put in his Place

Here is a one-off of Bertrum and Nathan playing a prank on Joey. This is going to be really goofy.

After this, I’m doing the two-part Lacie x Abby story. That’ll be a lot more serious. So if this kind of thing isn’t your cup of tea, stay tuned!

—-

Bertrum’s visits to oversee the construction of Bendyland were rarely eventful. Lacie generally had everything under control, as she did now. Seeing all his men (and women) constructing the rides that he’d designed was like watching the coming together of a masterpiece, or the precise work of a machine.

“You there!” he boomed at one of his men, who turned to him, terrified. “Those bolts need to be tighter. Keep up like that and you’ll get someone killed!”

“O-okay, sir!” The young man replied. Bertrum smiled and nodded to let him know it was okay. And it was- Lacie would have caught the mistake.

Despite the client, coming out of retirement had not been a mistake.

“Oooh, Beertiee!” came a voice.

Oh, the client. Joey Drew. The young man turned to look at the unfolding scene, but immediately turned back to his work once he caught Bertrum’s glare. Bertrum took a deep breath, and turned to the most loathsome part of his job. “Yes, Mr. Drew?”

“A very important person is coming to the studio. I was just wondering if you could make it look... I don’t know... better in here? I mean, the air is just thick with sawdust, and the lighting conditions aren’t exactly the best... and maybe you could have at least a few rides up and going for tomorrow afternoon?”

Bertrum clenched his jaw, took a deep breath, and managed to answer this callow excuse for a business owner in a dignified manner. “Mr. Drew, in case you haven’t noticed, we’re in a warehouse. There is going to be sawdust everywhere no matter how often we sweep because people are cutting pieces of wood. The lighting conditions of the warehouse you rented are not in my control. As for getting the rides up and going, no, I cannot do that three months before our negotiated deadline. Do you understand?”

“Oh, but I thought you could do it. With all your experience and competence... I kind of thought I’d show it off to my good pal Mr. Arch! He’s coming for a tour tomorrow and I want to impress him. And I mean, what does it say if you can’t pull it off?”

Bertrum was unphased by Joey’s attempt at manipulation. “You do not judge a chef by how a meal looks when it is half-cooked. Wait, did you say ‘Mr. Arch?’” Nathan Arch supplied Bertrum with the steel for his rides, and Bertrum had met him a few times at business conventions and fancy parties and the like. They’d gotten along well enough.

Joey nodded.

“Trust me, Mr. Drew- Nathan knows what a construction site looks like. Because he’s a business man who has overseen a few of them in his lifetime. He won’t see this as a mess but as a well-functioning machine.”

The condesension Joey was used to, but he was stunned as soon as he heard the word, “Nathan” from Bertrum’s lips.

“Yes, Joey, we've met. Perhaps the three of us should do this little tour together.”

“Sounds like a great idea, Bertie! Meet me in my office at nine tomorrow!”

---

Joey was on cloud nine. Nathan had been letting Joey take him on these annual (well, aside from the ones Nathan missed, which was most of them) tours for a decade, and each time Joey had done his best to impress him. This year, he’d wanted to show Nathan some Bendyland attractions, but this was even better! What better way to show Nathan that he was in the big leagues than to have this tour alongside the industry legend he’d befriended. On his way to his office, Joey checked his suit and hair for the millionth time- which was really unnecessary, since he’d decided on black everything to avoid ink stains, but one couldn’t be too careful.

Joey opened his office door to find that Nathan and Bertrum were already there, sitting in chairs facing the door and smiling at him. Suddenly, Joey felt a lot less confident. And he should have- Berturm had been pleased to find out that Nathan thought of Joey as just as much of a try-hard nouveau-riche as he did, and they had made a plan to put him in his place.

“Nathan. Hi. I see you’re already acquainted with my business partner, Bertie. How was your flight from New Orleans?” In hindsight, the fact that Bertrum didn’t react to his nickname should have been the first sign.

“Wonderful. Joey, Bertrum and I were just talking about how you’ve bloomed as a businessman since he started working with you. He’s very proud. I never realized that you were real deal until now, but, well! I have to apologize. All this time I was refusing to treat you like a rich man. Are you ready to be treated like a rich man, Joey?”

Joey was stunned and ecstatic. He’d been vying for Nathan’s respect since they’d met, and he’d finally done it! “I- I- yes! Thank you for finally realizing how brilliant I am, Nathan, old buddy! Now, are you ready for a tour?”

“I am.”

With that, they went. Joey took Nathan on a tour of the animation department and showed off his fancy new technology, the toy department complete with waterfall, the plans for Bendyland (but not the dirty, dusty warehouse), and even snuck in a tour of the music department while Sammy was on lunch- he wasn’t about to let Nathan know that he let Sammy call shots on when he could visit his own music department! Today, he was to be large and in charge.

At fair amount of time into the tour, as the trio overlooked the toy department, Nathan spoke up. “It seems like your company is growing, Joey! When did you start investing in the steel wool of this place?”

There was a pause as Joey tried to figure out how to respond.

“Oh come on, Joey. Steel wool. The thing that all successful businessmen know about. The measurement by which other high-class men will know to judge your business’ future chances of success. When did you start investing in it?”

Joey’s face was beginning to flush with embarrassment as he looked into Bertrum and Nathan’s completely calm, understanding faces. “Um, I, started investing in it in 1936. Can we take a little detour, boys? My company is just doing so well that I think I should go order more steel wool right now. Nathan, how much would you suggest?”

“Hmm... about seventy or eighty tons should do it.”

“Great! Follow me.”

Joey led the two of them to the accounting and finance department and knocked on the door of their director of finance. The door opened to a weary-looking man who did not seem at all happy to see them.

“Grant- I’d like you to increase our stockpile of steel wool. Increase it to ninety tons!”

Grant nodded slowly, trying to work out how much that would cost. When one’s boss regularly asks you to account for items such as coffins and electric chairs, one learns not to ask unnecessary questions.

Bertrum, not wanting his financially precarious client to throw out so much money over a prank, shoved Joey aside and whispered something in Grant’s ear.

Whatever it was, it put a coy smile on Grant’s face. “Wow. Ninety tons of steel wool this year. Well, Joey, it sure is good to work under such a rich man, and with such a promising company.”

Joey beamed. Thank God Grant was playing along with him having bought it previously. But soon, he’d have that important status symbol, and respect amongst his peers.

The door closed, and (over the faint sound of snickering) Bertrum spoke up. “You know, Mr. Drew, steel wool isn’t just an item. It’s also in one’s personal style.”

“Oh? And how would you rate mine, Bertie?”

“Hmm... middling,” Nathan replied.

“Yes, ‘middling’ is a good word for it.”

Joey’s face fell. “Oh. Well, I was about to update my wardrobe. Maybe you could help me find something better?” God, he hated asking for help, but clearly he didn’t know much about being a rich man yet.

“We’d be pleased to!” Bertrum beamed, putting an arm around Joey’s shoulders. “It’s been so long since I had a young, inexperienced, callow little business boy under my wing!”

Given the circumstances, all Joey could do was smile and fantasize about rearranging Bertrum’s anatomy.

Soon, they were in a high-end tailor shop. “Just tell him what you want,” Nathan advised, “he’s a rich man, he’ll know what to do.”

Joey nodded and rang the bell on the front desk. The tailor, who had been at the other side of the room at his sewing machine, came right over.

“Hello, I’d like to buy an outfit that lets people know that my company has a lot of steel wool.”

The shopkeeper squinted at Joey like he was an alien.

“Why don’t we help you find the style he’s looking for while he takes his measurements?” Nathan suggested.

As soon as Joey getting his measurements in the changing room, Bertrum and Nathan explained the situation to the tailor, and by the time Joey came out, they’d selected the perfect outfit for him. It was a glittering silver suit with a purple tie. The light from an open window hit it and nearly blinded Joey.

“What... is that?” Joey asked, starting to wonder if he was being messed with.

“I believe we have found your new outfit,” Bertrum asserted, “the perfect embodiment of steel wool.”

“Cutting edge- in a few months, everyone will be wearing them, but you’ll be among the first,” Nathan added.

“No, it can’t be. I mean, you’re saying this, but the two of you are wearing plainly coloured stuff...”

“No, they’re right,” the shopkeeper interjected, “I’ve actually received many, many orders of these from wealthy business owners. In fact, this is the last one I have!”

Joey grumbled, but he put on the suit, which was stiff and uncomfortable and was shedding glitter into his hair and leaving a trail behind him. He paid the shopkeeper a sizable amount of money and left in a huff.

The shopkeeper stuck his head out the door. “Remember- we do exchanges, but no refunds!” he called.

The summer sun was beginning to dip below the horizon. Bertrum and and Nathan had talked about taking Joey to a party to be laughed at, but Bertrum had decided it would make it too obvious that this was a prank. And anyhow, they’d come up with a better idea.

“Well, Joey, I think I should be getting back to my hotel room. But, maybe you could come with me, and I could show you one more aspect of what it means to be higher class. It’s obvious that you could use the help.”

“I- fine. Whatever. I don’t care.”

“Wonderful idea,” Bertrum said, “and on the cab ride over, I could give you some pointers of my own.”

“Oh, and Joey? Step into the shade, please. It seems that that suit turns you into a blinding hazard when the sun is low.”

After a miserable cab trip listening to Bertrum ramble incoherently about things Joey barely understood and using terms he’d never heard of (which made Joey feel simultaneously even more like he knew nothing and even more like he was being toyed with), the trio pulled up to the hotel that Nathan was staying at. Once they were in Nathan’s hotel room, Nathan kicked off his shoes and socks and laid on the bed with his feet hanging off of it. Normally, Joey would have some sort of teasing quip for him, but he was feeling a little worn down and just wanted to get the rest of the visit over with.

“So, Joey, the last thing we’re going to teach you about acting like you’ve got it, is how to give a good foot massage.”

Joey flinched in disgust. Then, he stopped. “Actually, I think it’s time I taught the two of you a lesson- this one on storytelling. You see, there’s this thing called the suspension of disbelief- and you just broke it. There is no ‘steel wool,’ this suit is a crime against humanity, and there is no way that it’s custom for rich men rub each others’ feet.”

Nathan laughed, and Bertrum laughed with him, doubling over in laughter and using Nathan’s shoulder to steady him once he collected himself. “Mr. Drew, you do realize that the only way you could believe that is if no other rich man had ever offered you a foot massage, right?”

“Humiliating.”

“You really told on yourself there.”

Tears were forming in Joey’s eyes- which was ridiculous because he was still sure that this was fake. He also knew that surviving two plagues had left Bertrum a considerable germaphobe. “Alright then, Bertie, show me your technique! Show me how a rich man does it!” he took off his shoes and threw them one at a time into Nathan’s arms.

“Okay, okay, we were joking!” Bertrum admitted before Joey could remove any more clothing.

“But... I think we made our point.”

“What point could you have possibly made except that you’re a bunch of assholes?!” Joey yelled.

“That compared to us, you’re new. We know it, you know it, stop trying to convince us or yourself otherwise. You wouldn’t have fallen for any of that unless some part of you realized that we know better than you on some things. And disrespecting Mr. Piedmont isn’t going to change that.”

Anger built up in Joey’s chest. He screamed in rage, punched a wall, and left, slamming the door on his way out. Then, less than a minute later, he knocked on the door. Bertrum opened it.

“Uh, could I use the phone? I need to call my accountant so he won’t buy dozens of tons of cleaning supplies.”

“Oh, we explained it to him. He won’t be ordering a thing. See you at our next weekly meeting.”

Without another word, Joey left. He could never look Bertrum or Nathan straight in the eye again.

[ralfstrashcan]

Malec in late 2B

It's been *checks watch* three years and I've finally calmed down enough to try and untangle my feelings about the end of 2B in a coherent way.

1) Alec's decision not to tell Magnus about the Soul Sword. I've worked through my thoughts regarding that in this fic already where I go into Alec's reasoning for it. The tldr of which is that a) Alec consciously made the decision not to tell Magnus instead of running out of time to decide, b) he actually had good reasons for that and made that decision with Magnus's and the Downworld's best interests at heart and c) ultimately his love for Magnus was the very reason he didn't tell him because if he had cared about sparing Magnus's feelings a little less he would have told Magnus about the Soul Sword on condition that Magnus can't tell his people, damn the guilt Magnus will feel when warlocks die because they weren't forewarned.

2) Magnus's reaction to finding out. Magnus flips his shit, basically, lashes out, is deliberately hurtful and doesn't really listen to Alec's reasons for his decision. This is both an understandable and an ic reaction because Magnus is a very emotion-driven character and what he just learned is drastic. Could there have been a more graceful way to handle this revelation? Certainly. But it's nothing I would just expect from any given character. You'd have to be exceptionally level-headed to keep your cool in such a situation and I don't fault Magnus for not being that. His reaction was very human.

Alec gets points deduction for his line “Let's not make this personal” because dude, do you know your boyfriend at all? Have you realized that emotional compartmentalization isn't his strong forte? This line just angers Magnus more. (Alec also gets points deduction, with extreme prejudice, for trying to shush Magnus because what is wrong with you, man. I mean, this might just be a personal hang-up of mine but isn't that gesture patronizing as hell? Anyway.) On the other hand Alec gets some points for not going after Magnus. When I first watched that I thought it was very strange and kinda weird but in hindsight it is obviously the right choice. Magnus needed time and space to deal and Alec realized that trying to go after him and talk it out then was pointless and would have only angered Magnus more.

3) Magnus's reaction to Alec seeking him out because of Max. Admirable. Magnus puts all his (very understandable) anger aside to rush to the Lighwood family's aid. It doesn't matter that he can't help in the end, he is there as emotional support despite the frosty atmosphere between him and Alec. It is the decent thing to do but not everybody would have shown such kindness in his shoes. 10/10.

4) Magnus contemplating if he should take the Seelie Queen's offer aka sappy Malec flashbacks. I'm gonna place half the blame on show writers and half the blame on Magnus himself because, bro, this is not how you make a strategical decision for your people. Not even once is Magnus shown contemplating the repercussions of his decision for the warlocks or Valentine or the future of the Downworld. He only mopes about his boyfriend betraying his trust, basically. And I mean! I understand he's hurting a lot! And I understand people can't just turn off their emotions! But a good leader should be able to put his own emotions aside at least for a short time when an integral decision about his people has to be made, and quickly! And in that regard Magnus, uh, fails, apparently.

Again, I think half the blame lies with the show writers who wanted cute Malec flashbacks and generally fail at portraying inner Downworlder affairs if they don't serve the shadowhunter-centric plot. But I can't just yell “ooc behavior!!” and shrug it off because this isn't exactly ooc behavior for Magnus. Magnus is a very emotion-driven character who fails at separating personal and political matters. That's a theme. I point no further than the whole Camille-thing where he turned a blind eye to her bleeder dens because he felt personally indebted to her, and only stopped her when Raphael's life was at stake. So yeah... 0/10.

Full disclosure, I think there is a different way to read these scenes. Maybe Magnus wasn't just nursing his broken heart and missing the point. Maybe what he was actually contemplating was what he'd been fighting about with Luke before, namely if Alec can even be trusted as a person or if he's too much a shadowhunter to ever deserve their faith and cooperation because he will always treat Downworlders as lesser, because he's as racist as the Clave. In that case it would make sense for him to remember their private 1:1 interactions, to reassess Alec's character as a whole. But it would also mean that the conclusion he reached is that Alec is as corrupt as the rest of the Clave, and that would make them getting back together without ever talking about this... even more messed up than it already is! But I'm getting ahead of myself. Anyway, needless to say that I don't interpret it this way.

5) Magnus breaking up with Alec. To me personally (and to Alec) the breakup makes no sense. Magnus and Alec have different stances on, like, the implications of their relationship (and I'm emotionally wired like Alec is, at least in that regard). What I mean is this: Why does Magnus feel the need to break up with Alec? He's not an idiot, he knows that just because he breaks up with Alec his feelings for Alec will not miraculously evaporate as well. He'll be as emotionally compromised as he was before. And yet he says, “The only thing holding me back from [making difficult decisions to ensure the survival of my people] is you.”

Here's the thing. When Alec decides not to tell Magnus about the Soul Sword he does so in his capacity as the Head of the Institute, taking (almost) no account of his role as Magnus's lover. He is able to do that because he can compartmentalize between these two roles in an extreme way and therefor his relationship status has no influence on his decision. (Sure, not being with Magnus wouldn't have provided extra incentive to tell him, but work with me here. What I mean is that if Alec had rationally decided to tell Magnus about the Soul Sword, he would have made that same decision whether he was with Magnus at that point or not.) What did influence his decision making process were his feelings for Magnus, and these remain unchanged regardless of their relationship status.

Magnus has an entirely different stance. To him being in a relationship implies a certain kind of loyalty that must be maintained at all times. If their roles had been reversed I don't doubt that Magnus would have told Alec about the Soul Sword immediately because of said loyalty, and he would have thought it through for exactly zero seconds beforehand. He expected the same thing from Alec and that's why he feels so betrayed when he realizes that Alec kept it from him. This is why Magnus feels the need to break up with Alec: to disengage from this loyalty that keeps him from making decisions with only the warlocks in mind. Magnus's decision making hinges on their relationship status and the loyalty it demands, not his feelings for Alec.

Alec doesn't understand this. That's why he tells Magnus that he can have both: Alec, and the freedom to make the best choices for the warlocks, to act like the High Warlock of Brooklyn. Alec wouldn't hold it against him if he made the best decisions for his people while they are together because Alec, too, did have Magnus and made decisions as the Head of the Institute. But Magnus works differently. He'd feel like he's betraying Alec if he makes High Warlock of Brooklyn decisions while still being with Alec. And that's why he breaks up with Alec, and that's why it makes sense for Magnus to break up with him.

6) Magnus's behavior afterwards. Oh my god where do I even start.

--- Magnus being a petty bitch? Hell yeah.

--- Magnus hiding behind the Seelie Queen and running after her like he's her lap dog? Hell no. Wtf did I just watch!! Even better, he leaves Raphael behind? And Raphael then tells Izzy that Magnus was his ride and he's effectively trapped at the Institute because the sun is shining brightly outside?? I'm sorry, what. The Downworld just divorced the shadowhunters with a side of “hmm maybe we'll stop caring about the Accords as well in the near future” and Magnus leaves his Raphael behind? This is unacceptable!! I don't even know what to say to that!!

--- This has surely been discussed before but it needs to be said. Magnus implementing an anti-portal ward around New York that incinerates any angel-blooded creature that tries to pass it and not telling Alec about it. They hear about it from Luke instead and since Jace's reaction is immediately telling the shadowhunter extra next to him to stop shadowhunter movement in and out of the city immediately it is heavily implied that some shadowhunters already died thanks to this ward – since there are apparently troop movements in and out of the city that need to be stopped. (Which was to be expected! Sure, they know Valentine won't leave the city before he's got his hands on what he believes to be the mortal mirror locked away at the Institute, but he could surely be regrouping outside the city. Sending patrols into the near vicinity is the sensible thing to do.) Shadowhunter casualties due to the ward are further implied by Jace then leaning heavily on the desk and half-whispering to himself “No more shadowhunters die today.” Which makes sense. The patrols in question would have just vanished with no chance to report back what happened to them so they were probably assumed dead by Valentine's hand.

The point: Wtf Magnus. He must have been aware this could and would happen. The way I see it there are only two possible explanations: Magnus deliberately did not tell the NY Institute shadowhunters a) because he thought word might get around to Valentine or b) out of pettiness. And considering that knowing about the ward doesn't magically un-trap you and only means you will not cross it and therefore remain alive but contained, a) doesn't really make sense. The ward wasn't designed to lure Valentine to his death. It was designed to keep Valentine in the city so the other Downworld factions could hunt him down, and the ward will continue to do so even after Valentine learns of its existence. There s no harm in him knowing about it while there is a lot of harm in the NY shadowhunters not knowing about it because they will just die, for nothing, while trying to find Valentine. Magnus willingly risking that on the off-chance that Valentine walks into the ward at random is not his style at all. This leaves pettiness as motivation and sure, Magnus is petty, but not at the cost of so many casualties. This is so painfully ooc that I just can't!!

7) Their “reconciliation.” As you might have already guessed from those quotation marks: Thanks, I hate it. That adequately sums up my feelings on the matter. Don't get me wrong, the scene itself is lovely, I guess. But, content! They have this huge issue and they just don't talk about it! Magnus never learns of Alec's (legit) reasons for not telling him about the Soul Sword. Alec apologizes for.. what exactly? Doing something he was convinced was the right thing? And they never realize their differences in decision making which is even worse! This whole drama stemmed from the fact that they view the obligations that come with being in a relationship differently where their responsibilities as leaders are concerned. This is bound to become a problem again in the future!! And they just! dont! talk about it! aaaahhhhhhhh!!!! how!!!!!! are you adults or what!!!!!!! *sigh* just... –ꝏ /10

8) Aftermath. Oh right, this will of course not become a problem again in the future because Magnus loses his job. How neat.

Leaving the salt aside though I have to admit that I.. actually think the warlocks weren't entirely in the wrong in sacking Magnus. And before you kill me, hear me out. The first thing to note is that neither Raphael nor Luke get sacked for their decision to side with the Seelie Queen. Why is that? Because vampires and werewolves are fundamentally differently organized than warlocks. Warlocks have an international infrastructure. There's the Council, the Spiral Labyrinth, and stuff. Vampires and werewolves have their local clans and packs, and nothing more. Magnus has superiors. Raphael and Luke do not. After the Seelie Queen makes that deal with Valentine she condemns every Downworlder, except those located in New York, to death. Raziel's wish will kill every Downworlder on earth and only those in the Seelie Realm are safe. And as Magnus says in early 2x19

If Valentine had succeeded then literally all the other warlocks in the world would have died! Yes, the fact that the Seelie Queen threw them all under the bus isn't Magnus's fault, but

it was to be expected. Luke and Raphael both warn Magnus not to trust the Seelie Queen, that she has her own agenda and it's to rule over the Downworld, and that's why both Luke and Raphael were hesitant to accept her deal.

So I think it's pretty understandable why the other warlocks kicked Magnus out on his ass. In their eyes he would have been semi-complicit in their collective demise if Valentine had succeeded, having sided with the one who betrayed the Downworld. It doesn't matter that Magnus's choice means the warlocks at least wouldn't have gone entirely extinct if Valentine had won. It doesn't matter that the Seelie Queen would have made that deal with Valentine whether the other Downworlder factions had sided with her or not. (She had Simon in her Realm who could create new vampires, she probably would have kept Maia for new werewolves, and warlocks can be made by uuhh unethical means. What better Downworld than one that's never known anything but the Seelie Queen's uncontested reign? Yes, she absolutely would have let them all die.) None of that matters to the warlocks. They feel like Magnus betrayed them as a community and that's why they sack him.

Okay, so now we know why it made (in-universe) sense for the warlocks to fire Magnus. Make no mistake though – I don't approve of this reasoning. It's short-sighted and not very practical, and also unfair. Better save some of your species than none, right? Fine, Magnus should have informed the Council and stuff about what was going on so they could make their own deals with the Seelie Queen if they want to.. but then, do we even know if he did or didn't inform them? No. Any further discussion on this point is just poking in the dark so let's move on.

I did say that I think the warlocks weren't entirely in the wrong in dismissing Magnus from his job, though. Let me explain.

a) Magnus's decision to side with the Seelie Queen or remain sided with the Institute would have not made a difference regarding the whole Valentine-thing, right? Things would have played out exactly the same: Warlocks create anti-portal ward, Val makes a deal with the Seelie Queen and gets to Alicante anyway. The survival of the Downworld depended on Clary stabbing Valentine to death before he made the wish, and that remains unchanged no matter Magnus's decision. What Magnus's decision would have influenced (if this goddamn show knew what continuity is, lol) is what came after. Where does siding with the trigger-happy Seelie Queen, who made no secret of gunning for war with the Clave, leave the warlocks? On the Clave's bad side, that's for sure. Especially if things had escalated between the seelies and the shadowhunters (which they do in the books!!). In the show.. things just go back to how they were before the Downworld's little fail-rebellion. Either because the Downworld and the Clave mutually decide to just pretend none of it ever happened (since the Consul was exposed as a Circle Member, which, awkward) or, which I believe is more likely, because 3A focuses on The Owl Mystery and not on foreign policy and this show just sucks when it comes to including anything not strictly-plot-relevant. In any case!! Magnus's decision to side with the Seelie Queen should have had severe repercussions for the warlocks and their standing with the Clave aka dramatically worsened it, and for nothing (since nothing came of the “rebellion” and it's honestly doubtful how many warlocks would have wanted a full-on war with the shadowhunters anyway. They seem pretty good at laying low and doing their own thing). So in the long term siding with the Seelie Queen wasn't / wouldn't have been a strategically good decision (if it wasn’t followed up by a war of independence, which it wasn’t) and a legit reason to get fired.

b) More importantly, in 3x09 Lorenzo says to Magnus, “I took this position because you couldn't handle it. You let your heart dictate your actions and that will be your downfall,” which I always took to mean – since Lorenzo was god knows where when all of 2B happened – that the gossip in the warlock community is strong, and has it that Magnus only sided with the Seelie Queen as revenge for Alec not telling him about the Soul Sword / something relating to their breakup. No matter how this opinion formed in the community... *glances at 4)* they're not wrong? And this is definitely a legit reason to get fired.

So where does this leave us? I don't approve of the Council firing Magnus for the reason they did because it was a dumb reason. When I look at Lorenzo – lazy, self-centered, unwilling to actually do anything when push comes to shove – I don't think Magnus should be fired because he's obviously the much better choice as High Warlock. And I don't even think that siding with the Seelie Queen was, per se, a wrong choice. But the way Magnus made that choice left much to be desired and was a clear lapse in leadership, one where a dismissal would have been justified. And this should have been addressed in a constructive way so he can learn from his mistake.

[jawritter]

The Arrangement

Part 13

Summery: You are a young girl that was raised in a small church in Dallas, TX. One of the only churches left in the state that still practices arranged marriages. When your betrothed ran off to California you thought you'd escape the fate you were trained for ever since a small child. Now upon the death your parents your fate seemed to be inescapable as he's returned, and is ready to take you as his bride.

Book Warnings: Arranged marriage, loss of virginity, smut, unprotected sex, angst, language, suicide attempt, battles with anxiety, struggles with mental illness, age gap (about 11 years), I think that’s it, chapters will have warnings of their own!

Chapter Warnings: Dealing with suicide attempt! heavy discripion of suicided attempt! angst, sick reader, this one is another heavy y’all, if things dealing with suicide or death bother you, you might want to skip this one, I’m sure there is some lanuage in there to.

Word Count: 1843

A/N: This book is a book about Christian and church based arranged marriages, I would like to take this moment to say that I DO NOT have ANYTHING against the Chirstian faith, and mean absolutely no harm to anyone! Especially Jensen’s family! This is a complete work of fiction, and should be treated as such!

Beta’d by the amazing @deanwanddamons who was awesome enough to do all this for me! It was a lot of work, and she deserves all the praise for it!!

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Want More? Check Out My Masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

***SERIES MASTERLIST***

Death was easier than you imagined it would be. Nothing was there to hurt you anymore. Just inescapable blackness. 

The last thing you remembered before your eyes closed, was Jensen's face shining on your phone. 

Then it was all quite, all black..

"Y/N!! Baby come back to me please!!" 

Jensen? Why can I hear Jensen, he's not dead.

"Please... My wife... I need help.. She wont wake up..  I think she's..."

No.. No.. This can't be happening.He sounded hurt, he was crying too much, he wasn't supposed to be upset that you were gone. 

You tried to open your eyes with every fiber of strength you had left in your body, but your body won't respond. Jensen’s voice seemed to get further and further away from you as everything faded back to that inescapable blackness.

The next time you sort of became conscious  there was an excessive amount of noise. Were you in a car? There was no way to know, because you still couldn't make your eyes open. You could feel someone holding on tight to your hand, Jensen?

"Sir, we need you to calm down. You're not going to help her by going to pieces. Everything is going to be fine."

Next flash back to yourself, nothing made sense. You could hear an annoying beeping coming from somewhere you couldn't pinpoint. Warmth wrapped around your body. Someone laying next to you in a very small space. Brushing your hair with their hand. Had you died? Was all this a hallucination?

Once everything fades to black again, it seems to stay that way for a long time. You couldn't make sense of the flashes of 'reality' that seemed to flash before you. Then just as quickly get taken away. 

Or were they just a dream?

The first thing you really know is that everything hurts. Your throat feels like it was ripped to shreds.Your muscle ache as if you'd been in a fight, and even though you have slept for God knows how long you feel exhausted. 

Oh and you're still alive... That much makes sense now...

"Baby? Baby, are you going to wake up for me?"

Jensen's voice sounded really close to you.You could feel his body heat wrapped around you in the uncomfortable hospital bed, and you wanted more than anything to just melt into it and stay there. 

He kept brushing at your hair and moving you around, attempting to wake you up, so you forced your eyes to open. At first, all you could see was a blur, then everything started to come into focus. 

Looking over next to you, you find Jensen's face. He looked horrible laying in the bed next to you. His eyes were red, very red and swollen. He looked pale, his hair was a mess. There were big black circles underneath his eyes.The freckles that dusted over his skin stood out more than they normally did in the crappy hospital light. He looked like he’d been through hell.

Putting his hands on the side of your face as your eyes meet his.Tears started to streak down his face before he pulled you tight to him.

"Oh my God sweetheart, I'm so, so, sorry!!!"

You couldn't make your voice work.Your throat was too sore, so you just laid there in his arms crying with him. You couldn't believe he'd come back for you.You couldn't understand what had happened, or how you got here.

One thing stuck out to you , more than anything else at that moment. Jensen cared. He cared or he wouldn't be here with you right now, and for now that's all that matters. For now that would be enough.

You don't know how long the two of you laid there just clinging to each other. Him apologizing over and over for not coming home to you sooner, telling you how big of an idiot he was for leaving in the first place, that he loves you and only you. 

You wanted more than anything just to make all this go away. You felt so foolish for doing what you did. You felt horrible for slapping him, you felt horrible for not believing him obviously, he cared enough to stay right now, when he had every reason to walk away, he came home.

----------------------------------------

Two days later, after many test, a 48 suicide watch, and a doctor requirement to go through therapy, you where finally in the car with Jensen on the way home.

You still hadn't said much to him, just sat quietly, going through the motions. Jensen's eyes would often divert from the road to the passenger side of the car to look at you. He'd tried to start small conversations with you, you just didn't feel like talking,you were too trapped in your own thoughts.   

You were ashamed of what you had done. In hindsight you felt foolish for being so weak. You didn't understand why your mind seemed to be at war against you. You didn't understand why Jensen had left, just like you didn't understand why he even came back.

You had slapped him, he had every right to abandon you, yet here he was; constantly worrying and checking on you.

You feel his hand slip over and grab yours, pulling it tightly into his grip and bringing the back of your hand to his lips like he'd done a thousand times since you'd woken up in the hospital. 

You'd never known Jensen to be so clingy, or affectionate. Not saying you didn't like it, you just didn't know how to receive it.

Then it hit you.Your real problem sitting right there in the passenger seat of your husband's car was you didn’t know how to accept love and affection from someone. That's what your problem was, that's what was wrong. 

No matter how much you loved your mom and dad you didn't have it. 

They groomed you to be a wife and mother, but showed you very little love, just trained you. Training that in the end did you no good, because you weren't prepared for a relationship like this one. Jensen didn't hold to the rules of the church, and what they expected a marriage to be like.

Taking a deep breath, you try to hold back the dam that threatened to spill over at any given moment. 

Poor Jensen had been trying to show you he loved you for months, and you just pushed him away. You didn't trust him and you had hurt him deeply. That's why he left you that day.The problem was you didn't know how to fix it.

Jensen turned down the driveway to the house, and your heart immediately  seized up in your chest, pounding  a steady rhythm in your ears. Your breathing came as shallow breaths, anxiety thick in your chest. Like a thousand pound weight pushing down on you.

"Y/N? Baby? You okay?

You didn't realize that you were holding your breath until you heard him speak directly at you.

"I don't know.” you said in earnest, not sure how you felt about being back here.

Jensen leaned over, and pulled you close to him, wrapping his arms around you the best he could in the confined space of the car.

"If you don't want to stay here I can back the car down the driveway right now, and we can go stay in a hotel until we can find us a new place." he said gently, letting you bury your face into his neck. 

Clearly he already thought this might be a problem, and had already thought about getting a motel.

Pulling away from him you look back at the house. You didn't know what you wanted. You didn't know if you wanted to run away. You weren't really sure what you even wanted to run away from. In the meantime, you didn't know if you wanted to face the demon that is yourself you were sure would be standing on the other side of the door, waiting for you. 

Licking your lips, and pulling your lower lip into your teeth, a nervous habit you'd picked up from Jensen over the last three months, you sat there staring at the front door like at any moment a monster would come out and drag you to hell where you really felt like you deserved to be.

Jensen's grip tightened on your hand again, drawing your attention to him. He was staring at you, trying to read what was going on inside your head, wanting more than anything to make the best decision for you.

Shaking your head, you push your fears down in your gut. This was foolish, and you couldn't let fear of the mental illness you just learned that you evidently had, according to doctors anyway, rule you. You had to get past this, for Jensen's sake. You hated the way he looked at you right now, like you were so fragile. 

"No... There's no need to go and buy a whole new house. I'm sure I'll be just fine."

Jensen leaned over, and placed a soft kiss on your forehead before leaning his own against yours. 

"If you change your mind at any moment, even if it's in the middle of the night, we're out of here okay? I'm not going to make you stay here. I'd never do that. We can always find somewhere else to live." 

You nodded your head, but said nothing, thankful for the out if you needed it. Once again, Jensen provides the security blanket you needed.

Getting out of the car before your emotions can get the best of you, you start walking up the driveway. Jensen was quick to catch up with you, putting his hand in yours as he unlocks the door. 

You stood there in silence, and stilled your nerves as he opened the door, walking in behind him. He stopped and watched every move you made, ready to rip you away from here if you couldn't handle it. 

Everything that you had left had been properly cleaned and put away. There were no dishes.Everything seemed to be in order. 

"I hired someone to come and clean up everything while you were in the hospital. I didn't want you to come back to all that." he said, as if reading your mind. You just nod and half try to smile at him. 

He wrapped his arms around you, and pulled you tightly to him. You didn't know how all this was going to work. Your trust was broken, not in Jensen anymore. You felt really stupid for ever believing he would cheat on you in the first place. It was yourself you didn't trust anymore. You felt like you were at war with your own mind and insecurities. 

This wasn't going to be easy, and you hoped more than anything you could come back from this, and be stronger for it.

I mean, they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...Right?

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[mystech-master]

Blazblue rewrites Part 1: The Age of Origin and beginning of the Looping World.

(put this on my Reddit may as well put it here)

As we all know, the Blazblue series is one of the most convoluted and over-complicated pieces of media ever. Mainly due to its quantum physics talk and very chuuni dialogue and a lack of good explanation for a lot of points. Naturally, one good thing about being a fan is that through the power of hindsight we can look at the entire series and basically fix what we think was messed up. Of course, we have this freedom since we are usually individual people, don't have a massive writing staff and marketing we need to appeal to, and pretty much the entire skeleton and pieces are there, they just need to be rearranged and/or be tweaked a bit.

I remember getting into Blazblue around the end of high school/beginning of college, almost 5 years ago. I thought the setting was neat and I am into anime action BS. Of course, the story was bonkers and made no sense until I started looking deeper but the main thing that has bugged me were the characters. There is just so much Bullshit that the characters do and brush off that just irritates me, especially when it comes to Ragna. This series has made me rethink the meaning of life, of showing kindness to people, or if "doing things because it's right" is a good enough excuse, how much should you desire your own happiness? All sorts of existential questions that Blazblue has made me think, not from the plot, but just from the BS character interactions.

If you check out my Ragna the Bloodedge tag, or have just been following me for a while, you will see/know how much I will defend this guy to the fucking grave because of all the bullshit that this guy is expected to take and deal with and it being seen as"inspiring" or "heroic" when it is really just sad to me. It isn't me liking the character, it is just a massive amount of pity and feeling sorry for him, to the point where I kind of have a massive bias towards him and end up making him an all-powerful unstable badass in most of my fic ideas with him. But I am getting ahead of myself.

I wanted to lay out my ideas for how I would make a Blazblue rewrite. If anyone wants to use these in their own fanfic, feel free. I don't give a shit about credit.

Starting with the timeline, we have the XBlaze series, Bloodedge Experience, and the core C-Series (ft.

the Phase Shift Novels, and Remix/Variable Heart Manga). In the actual story these are all separate “Possibilities”, or Timelines/Universes. That is dumb and I think that we can tweak things to make it all one linear timeline.

XBlaze takes place in the year 2050, 50 years before the Dark War is stated to begin, and 149-150 years before the main games start. This is plenty of time to make things different. We know from the backstory that Takamagahara, the god-supercomputer that mankind made, was not completed in this possibility due to Touya’s mother iirc. In my idea, all this does is delay the inevitable, Takamagahara will be made, just at a later date now. (edit) There is also the Mitsurugi agency, which was kind of behind the Wadatsumi incident in XBlaze's backstory. With their connections to the Mage's Guild, the Amanohokosaka Clan, and their desire to get the Azure, we could say that this is the agency that discovered the Susanoo, the Boundary, and did most of these experiments to the Prime Fields.

I do not know the exact year when Bloodedge Experience takes place, but I am going to estimate around 10-15+ years from XBlaze, putting it at 2060-2065+, since they do mention Mei as the head/leader of the Amanohokosaka Clan. I am not too sure what the branching-off point is here, Valkenhayn mentions Clavis having killed Naoto in the core C-Series Possibility so maybe it was during their initial meeting. But is Naoto surviving gonna change that much? The only other detail that would need addressing would be Raquel’s relationship with Rachel. According to the wiki bio “Raquel was created when a user of Soul Eater went havoc and killed hundreds upon thousands of people. Clavis Alucard stopped the user and killed them, but was forced to take the lives of 128,932 people in order to do so. When this happened, he held an Embryo. Three years later, the Embryo became Raquel and she was born. Maybe sometime later Raquel could end up being killed or something and another Embryo results in Rachel. I mean we never see or hear mention of a mother, or maybe it’s some reincarnation thing? IDK. We see how stern Clavis was with Raquel, so maybe seeing his first “daughter” die he ends up spoiling the next one rotten, leading to the kind of haughty holier-than-thou Rabbit we know today.

However, all of this needs to be put in perspective of the Origin and Terumi. I may mess up some of the finer details.

The plot of Blazblue started when Susanoo ditched his body, the Susanoo Unit, and then mankind discovered it underground. They excavated it, dug deeper, and found a Cauldron which led to the Boundary, within which they found the Master Unit, the God Computer that would allow them to control reality, and beyond that, they found the Azure, basically the primordial absolute force of the Blazblue Universe. However, the Master Unit can only respond to something anthropomorphic/humanoid and humans can’t survive the Boundary. So they made the Prime Field Devices, Androids meant to go into the Boundary. Pretty weirdly specific criteria that results in robot girls but I don’t see how I can mess with this.

One of them manages to reach the Master Unit and upon touching it she gains the Eyes of the Azure which gives it the power of the Azure and basically becomes not only sentient, but basically a god. The Humanity, freaked out about her new free will and the power she now has, tosses her back into the Boundary. Within the Boundary, the PFD, the Origin as we know her, sees her “sister” units all being tortured. Most likely to break any souls they have so the scientists don’t have to deal with their “free will” getting in the way of their plans. Maybe to bring in Terumi telling Noel that they became weapons, other groups heard of the guys making the PFDs and them getting god power and obviously would be trying to stop them/take this power for themselves, so they decided to make the PFDs into mindless robo-soldiers to fight them off. Origin gets mad and ends up making all of them sentient. Probably by Observing them as sentient, like she sees all of these things “like her” so obviously they must be sentient or at least have the potential for sentience. Kind of like Jotaro going “It’s a similar type of Stand '' to DIO and then getting Time Stop.

Anyways now mankind is fighting these robot girls who want revenge for being treated like tools, all humanity sees is all these in-human weapons killing them for no reason, just because destroying is what a weapon does, and with the Master Unit’s Phenomenon Intervention, they can just rewrite all of their failures into victories. Mankind sees the Origin and the Master Unit as basically the same thing, an evil machine god. His leads into why the Origin and Amaterasu can’t just be separated so Ragna doesn’t have to sacrifice himself to stop the time loops, the world sees The Origin and Amaterasu as one, there is no distinction. This is also apparently the time period when Clavis Alucard helped mankind make the Izayoi, with its Immortal Breaker and ability to resist Observation to fight against the Origin and the PFDs. Ironic that it eventually became known as the prototype for the Lux Sanctus: Murakumo, but I’ll talk about that later.

So what does mankind do? Make a Black Beast to destroy it. I mean we are told to believe that a Black Beast is the result of Azure Grimoire (or just a piece of the Azure) + Murakumo Unit = either a Black Beast if the fusion is imperfect, and a powerful Kusanagi God Slayer is done right. But tell me, why the hell would they build ANOTHER Prime Field Device to fight the PFDs? I will be getting into the exact nature of Black Beasts later. Mankind is apparently cool with the Black Beast destroying the world because so long as they can get the Azure and plug it into Takamagahara, which is basically a manmade Master Unit supercomputer, they can just reset time. But due to a bug or something, the Master Unit stopped this and when the world was destroyed she just made a new one based on her memories. This is the world the characters live in now. And since the last thing she remembers about the world is the Black Beast and obviously she doesn’t want the world to hate and try to kill her, the Black Beast enters the world with everyone having no context to its existence and no other enemy to fight, leading to the Black Beast going from a weapon of Mutually Assured Destruction, to the new Ultimate Evil Enemy of the World.

A few things we need to take note of here.

XBlaze and Bloodedge Experience would need to take place during the Age of Origin, between mankind discovering the Boundary but before the Prime Field War starts. I mean the two things needed for that part to start would be Prime Fields and Takamagahara, and while there is Es who is sort of a PFD, you could simply say that her model isn’t suited for full Boundary Exploration. I know I am really glossing over the Embryo stuff about her but I haven’t seen XBlaze stuff in a while and I would need to find a way to connect it with the Embryo in Centralfiction.

Apparently, there was some off-screen war in which Hihiirokane (the Soul Cutting Sword protected by Jubei’s clan, used by his brother Tomonori to fight Terumi, then put in Clavis’ grave) was used to fight some enemy, “Outside of logic”. I have no idea what this is and it feels like something that shouldn’t be glossed over.

Mankind made a Black Beast on their side to get the Azure and fight the Master Unit, which A. means that in a weird way the Black Beast was sort of on mankind’s side at first before the Origin retconned it into being the destroyer, and B. mankind would have needed to make a Murakumo Unit to fight the Murakumos, knowing that the Origin is making them sentient and turn on them, which kind of feels like a dumb move. But again, I will get to this later.

This will all lead into the Looping World. Now, this is weird because of the main thing which the loop revolves around, The Black Beast. It is either A. as Terumi says in CS, a Cauldron that went batshit (which is precedent by the short story That Which Is Inherited where Sector Seven tries to smelt a Nox but everything goes tits up and a Black Beast forms from the Cauldron (no souls or prime field required), or B. a Time Displaced Ragna and Nu. The Black Beast is a Self-Observing weapon. Observation in Blazblue basically means “deciding if/how something exists” by Observing itself, the Black Beast declares its existence in this time period, which means that no matter what time paradoxical BS you may try to pull, it will always appear (Kind of reminds me of the Time Medallions Clockwork gives team Phantom in Danny Phantom). But a less mind-mushing way to look at it could simply be that, no matter what, this will always happen. Like, say the Assassination of Kennedy is Observed as an event that must ALWAYS happen, then even if you find and stop the sniper. He is gonna still die. Maybe there is another sniper, maybe the sniper gets a good hit on you and manages to make another shot down the road, but anyway you slice it, Kenedy gets shot. That event is permanently locked in history and no matter what you do, this event is inevitable.

But suggestion A is weird because it could either mean that 1. He is talking about the first Black Beast from the Age of Origin, or 2. Since that part of the story probably wasn’t written yet and they are talking about this specific Beast, he is talking about the Dark War Black Beast, in which case there actually was a bit of time before the time loops started, or at least the very first loop, so then there was a bit of time before shit went sideways.

Maybe the Origin didn’t make a Black Beast war and it was all Terumi’s idea. The world would’ve continued as normal but since Terumi hated the Master Unit and mankind wanted power, they tried to make a Kusanagi but it fucked up and made a Black Beast, but without a publicly known Prime Field War to justify it, mankind doesn't see this as a necessary evil which will get the Azure and then reset the world better for them, it’s just a big evil monster.

Okay, that is my interpretation of the Age of Origin for my Blazblue rewrite idea. Not many changes since this is all pretty self-contained and not much needs expanding on. Just make sure to justify some actions and connect the three timelines. I probably missed out on a lot of finer details but I think I got the broad strokes of it. Feel free to correct me.

Next time I will cover the Dark War and hopefully go into explaining how I would make the Powerset make a bit more sense (Ars Magus, Grimoires, Nox Nyctores, the Azure Grimoire, and the Black Beast).

[spartanswiftie]

✨Meet Me In The Afterglow✨

Taylor,

Your music has always been important to me for a number of reasons, but the biggest thing it has helped me through is the death of an ex boyfriend. Although we were not together at the time of his passing, my relationship with him was a defining event in my life and his passing changed my life forever. Chris passed away suddenly in a car accident on Christmas Eve, 2006. Our relationship had been on and off for about 3 years and was dysfunctional for lack of better terms. When it was good, it was great. When it was bad it was awful. To this day I believe he may have been bipolar. He would be the sweetest guy, calling me at 5:30am on his way to work to leave me a message saying good morning and he hoped I had a good day. He’d make romantic dinners, he was a great cook..buy me sweet gifts, and we would have the BEST times together. He was my FIRST Valentine. At 25 years old he was the first legitimate Valentine I’d ever had. After reading your journals I know you know the feeling of being single on Valentines Day. It meant so much to me.

But, he had a dark side. Without warning he would completely ghost me overnight. When he disappeared he disappeared from EVERYONE. His friends would come to me asking where he was. He would isolate himself from everyone for weeks, sometimes months at a time before re-appearing out of nowhere. When he did re-surface he would be profusely apologetic and I did love him so eventually I’d cave and go back to him. Over time I accepted his pattern of behavior and became more expectant of it but it didn’t hurt less when it happened.

My friends and family grew to HATE him because of this. I couldn’t talk to anyone about him, and eventually I’d have to lie to everyone when I would hang out with him. I knew the writing was on the wall but I didn’t want to give up on him. I thought I could change him, but you know how that story goes.

Sometime in 2005 we broke up and cut ties for awhile. Like clockwork we ran into each other around Thanksgiving that year and stayed in touch. His dad had just had a double lung transplant and I knew how much that meant to his family at the time. We kept in touch. On Valentines Day 2006 we were both single so we decided to hang out together. Of course I lied to everyone I knew about where I was going that night. He made me dinner, we drank wine and talked about our past relationship and what had gone wrong, why it didn’t work. We laughed a lot, played with his dog, cuddled on the couch and watched Napoleon Dynamite together. When I left he kissed me goodbye and that was our last kiss. That night was our closure. I thank God every day that I made the decision to spend that night with him.

Just before he passed I went through a crappy breakup and I debated calling him. I even told my mom about our Valentines date and that I was thinking about reaching out. We both agreed that it probably wasn’t best and I decided not to.

When he passed my entire world shattered. As I said my friends and family HATED him. Nobody understood my grief because they all thought he treated me terribly. I used the word hate because I had a few of my BEST FRIENDS at the time call me (this is not an exaggeration) LAUGHING saying “Did you hear what happened to Chris? Karma’s a bitch.” Needless to say that was the LAST time I spoke with them. I mourned his death and the loss of 90% of my friendships. I started over. I made new friends, surrounded myself with new people and in the WORST time of my life it was the best thing that ever happened at the same time. I know you can relate to this.

Your career was just starting when he passed. He has a younger sister who I’ve kept in touch with (as well as his parents) and she is also a Swiftie. In that sense you’ve given me common ground to stay connected with his family and I could never thank you enough for that. That aside, SO MANY of your songs have helped me process his loss and the emotions around it in hindsight. The first time I heard Last Kiss I sobbed. That song is #1 when I am feeling sad and need to re-connect with him in my memory. There are so many others; basically the entire Red album - particularly All Too Well, Treacherous, I Almost Do, Sad Beautiful Tragic and Red. Enchanted always makes me think of him and when you played it acoustic at MetLife and I was there I about died!

It’s crazy to think that someone you don’t even know can write a song that can take you to such a deep personal space and help you process things that nobody else can, and that’s why I love music so much. You did it again on this album, and in such a beautiful, fitting way.

When I first heard Afterglow I loved it. I thought first of a relationship I had in high school (my first love) where I ended up trying to preserve a friendship but in the end broke his heart. Then the song did a handstand. I bought a new car recently, and ever since the night of Chris’s viewing I’ve kept the prayer card tucked in the mirror of my visor in my car. Every time I get a new car I transfer it. I’d done the same on July 31, the day I bought my car. The other day I took it out for a moment and I sobbed. The title on the card is AFTERGLOW. I immediately turned the song on and got goosebumps. It’s as if he is speaking to me from heaven through the song. The lyrics are spot on and perfectly describe what our relationship dynamic was from his point of view. I’ve never been more convicted about the power of music as I am in this moment.

Roughly 13 YEARS, I repeat 13 YEARS later you release a song on an album named LOVER with the title AFTERGLOW that PERFECTLY emulates our relationship and the apology he more or less gave me 13 years ago with the chorus line “Meet me in the Afterglow”. Goosebumps for days.

THANK YOU TAYLOR for being the most incredible singer/songwriter on the planet and for creating these masterpiece songs that have helped me through the darkest days of my life. The best part is that the album ends with Daylight, the only song of yours that perfectly describes my relationship with my husband. I’ve said a million times, if it weren’t for my relationship with Chris and his passing I would not have been “ready” to meet my husband. Going through all of that changed me and taught me so much and ultimately led me to him. And if there was any question in my mind, God wiped them away (and I say this because I believe he had a hand in all of this). On my wedding day, Chris’s dad reached out to me on Facebook and congratulated me and wished me all the best in my marriage. I can’t help but feel like Afterglow is in a way a little check-in, sign of approval, call it what you want...a letting go of sorts. Either way, this has all allowed me to step into the Daylight...and let it go. I’m at peace, mostly because of your music. I could never thank you enough💗

@taylorswift @taylornation