#and in the process Harry lets down his guard and starts saying the most insane romantic unfiltered stuff

[queen-beefcake-sqx]

let me just say I already have my entire premise planned for the Disco Elysium prompt that's already in the lead and it's both heartwarming and painfully self-reflective (for both me and Harry).

[honeyheartsandkisses]

Hate me Love me

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader

Warnings: None

One shot! Fluff!

Word Count: 1773

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As a year 5 Gryffindor student at Hogwarts, you’ve spent the past 5 years at loggerheads with Slytherins. This was especially so with the blonde-haired Slytherin Prince, Draco Malfoy. Your long lasting rivalry with him was well known throughout the school, especially since he always picked on your best friend, Harry. On a cold and windy autumn evening, you make your way to the quidditch field with your best friends, Hermione, Ron and Harry. Within your clique, only you and Harry were on the Gryffindor quidditch team, but  Hermione and Ron loved watching the training sessions from the stands. “Blimey its cold...” Ron groans, pulling his robe tighter around him. “Oliver’s crazy making you guys train today. It looks like its about to pour and the wind is insane.” Harry re-adjusts the firebolt in his hand. “Yeah well... you know how he is whenever we have a match. Besides, this time its against the Slytherins.” “We cant lose to the Slytherins. We’ll never hear the end of it from filthy malfoy.” You say, tying your hair up into a high ponytail. You always did this to prevent your hair from getting in the way of your vision when you everyones up in the air. As you and your friends step out onto the quidditch field, the tall towering hoops greet you along with the familiar smell of grass before a storm. Most of the Gryffindor team is already on the field, talking and laughing while Oliver Wood was off to the side pacing up and down. The boy was clearly deep in thought. Hermione nudges your arm, and nods towards the other end of the field where a smug group of students emerge in green quidditch robes. “What are the Slytherins doing here?” Hermione says, squinting to see them more clearly. Her voice was barely audible due to the violent autumn wind. There was no doubt a storm was coming. “They shouldn’t be. Oliver booked the field for training today.” Harry says, adjusting his round glasses. “Well... i guess we’ll see what this is about.” You sigh, before bidding goodbye to Ron and Hermione who make their way to the stands. As you and Harry walk towards the middle of the field where your team was, everyone was whispering furiously, pointing and eyeing the Slytherins as they drew near. “Whats this about?” Oliver snaps, glaring unfriendly at the Slytherin quidditch team captain. “We’re sharing the field today. Got permission from Professor Snape.” He replies, a smug smile on his face. Next to the Slytherin captain, you see your arch enemy, Draco Malfoy. You shoot daggers at him with your eyes but this only makes him laugh. The blonde boy walks over to you holding his broomstick behind his back. After giving you a once over, he leans forward so his face is inches from yours. “Upset y/l/n?” “Bug off Malfoy.” You say through gritted teeth, blood boiling with rage. “This is the last thing i need today.” “Come on y/n. Just walk away.” Harry says, grabbing your hand to lead you away. “Ah... The famous Harry Potter. Always coming to her rescue.” Draco sneers, eyes traveling down to glare at where Harry’s and your hand meet. Draco takes a step forward, prying Harry’s hand away from yours. “Walking away won’t help this time. Because we’re training together.” With the wind whipping your ponytail back and forth, sometimes hitting your cheek, you take a deep breath to calm yourself. Another word from Malfoy and you just might throw a punch. He pushes himself into the gap between you and Harry, peering playfully down at you. “Why so angry my love?” For some weird reason, your heart did a small jump. A feeling you never felt before. Something about him towering over you, smiling down at you made your heart skip a beat. Being caught off-guard by the odd feeling, you felt defensive. Him calling you ‘love’ certainly didn’t help either. You throw a quick punch, hoping to strike his jaw. Unfortunately, he dodges it swiftly, almost like he could predict your actions. Draco laughs, giving you a surprised yet impressed look. “Woah calm down fiesty... ill see you in the air.” He winks and strides off to join the rest of the Slytherin team. “You alright y/n?” Harry asks, placing a hand on your shoulder. You nod in response, still staring at the ground. Your brain still wrecking itself trying to process what you felt a moment ago with Draco. After a few minutes pass, Oliver Wood gets the team to huddle around, revealing that today’s training will be with the Slytherins. As a Chaser, your job was to get the Quaffle and shoot it into the hoops of the opposing team. You took a deep breath, heaving a sigh of relief. Maybe you’ll be able to avoid Draco for now. As a Seeker, Draco would be competing with Harry and it was unlikely for him to come near you. As everyone took take their places on the field, the clouds gave way and it started to pour. The cold and heavy rain left everyone soaked to the bone within minutes, and the wind made mounting their broomsticks especially difficult. But knowing Oliver Wood, training will still persist. You barely hear the whistle being blown and everyone shoots up into the air immediately. Hovering 30 feet in the air, you grip your broomstick tight, flying forward in search for the quaffle. A fall from this height would be deadly. Suddenly, you spot it. The Slytherin captain holding the quaffle in his hands. One of the bludgers knock him on the side of his head, causing the quaffle to slip out of his hands. Determined, you dive down to catch it. With one hand on your broomstick and another one stretched out, you catch it and spin around to speed towards the Slytherin goalpost. With the rain beating at your face, you squint to get a clearer view of the goal. Just when you were about to score, a Slytherin Chaser zooms in front of you. In an attempt to dodge her, you dive down sharply. But the violent wind throws you off balance and your hands slip from the broom. Before you know it, you're falling. You screamed but it was drowned out by the rain.  30 feet... 25 feet... 10 feet... you braced yourself for impact when suddenly you crash onto something else. You rolled forward several feet from the momentum, as pain shot through your ankle and elbow. You felt yourself laying on something warm and for some reason you felt safe... Feeling dizzy and lightheaded, you let yourself drift off away. You awoke to the smell of medicated oils and the sound of Madam Pomfrey’s shrill voice in the background. It didn’t take long for you to realize you were in the hospital wing. Forcing your eyes open, you see yourself lying in a bed with the curtains drawn around you for privacy. “Hi y/n.” A familiar voice said, making you jump to sit upright. Every muscle in your body protested this, but the pain eased up when your eyes fell on a blonde haired boy sitting in a chair next to your bed. “Sorry i didn’t mean to scare you... although that was pretty funny.” Draco says, stifling a laugh. You couldn’t help but giggle. “What are you doing here? And... wait did you fall too?” You ask, seeing that his arm was wrapped up in a cast and there were a few bloody band aids on his forehead and chin. “Clumsy oaf.” You say, pointing at his band aids. “Actually, you were the one who fell and i magnanimously threw my body under you to cushion the fall.” He says, sitting a little more upright with pride. You recall your final moments before blacking out. That warm feeling... that was Draco? “And uhh...” He continued to speak “You’re in pretty bad shape. Madam Pomfrey said you suffered a mild concussion and you’re been sleeping for...” he glances at the clock on the wall “Six hours now.” You quickly look out the window to see that it was pitch black outside. Taking a look at the clock you see that its a little past 12am. Wow... did Draco stay with you this whole time? You frowned, trying to process all this new information. “I’ll let Madam Pomfrey know you’re awake.” Draco says, standing up from his chair. Before he could take another step forward, you grab his hand. You saw a look in his eyes you never saw before. Did his heart just skip a beat too? “Draco... why’d you do it? You could’ve died.” You say, your voice barely a whisper. He hesitates for a moment before sitting back down, looking at your hand in his. Without saying a word, he interlocks his fingers with yours. Like magic, your hand fit perfectly with his. Though every inch of your body was aching, you couldnt help but feel a warm feeling spread throughout your body, coming from where his hand touched yours. Finally he looks up, straight into your eyes. “I don’t know...” he says. Your heart dropped. You wanted to hear that he had feelings for you. You think back to the moment he pushed Harry’s hand away from yours. When he threw himself on the ground to cushion your fall. Did all of that mean nothing? You felt silly and stupid. Of course it didn’t mean anything. He hates you… you guys havent gotten along for the past 5 years! How could he possibly have feelings for you? Just when you were about to pull your hand away from him, he says something that completely changes your mind. “All i know is…” he says, squeezing your hand lightly. “I hated it when Harry touched you. And when you were falling, i was so scared… i’ve never felt like this before but everytime you smile i just want to…” He trails off, leaving you confused. “What is it?” You say, urging him to finish his train of thought. He looks deep into your y/e/c eyes and says “Kiss you… It makes me want to kiss you.” You couldnt help but smile, your heart doing mini backflips in your chest. “So whats stopping you?” Hearing this, Draco blinks several times, completely taken by surprise. But evetually he leans forward, cupping your cheek with his palm, pulling your face closer to his. With his face only inches away from yours, he glaces down at your lips. “Wow you’re beautiful…” “I know” you say cheekily, finally kissing him softly on the lips.

[words-for-holland]

Happier (9) | T.H

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Y/N & Tom seem to be in the process of rebuilding their relationship. Natalie is up to no good. How much more can Y/N & Tom take?

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

Masterlist

A/N: Ive been reading all your responses lately and I appreciate them so much! Im so glad you’re all still on this crazy dramatic ride! Thank you so much for reading and supporting!

Spontaneity

There are certain moments in your life where things go according to plan, and others when they dont...but those are the best kinds. The moments that happen because it feels right and everything just falls into place. After all, everything happens for a reason.

It had been three weeks since Tom and Y/N had their heart to heart, promising to find Unknown together along with Harrison and Harry. While there were no threats taking place, one could never be too careful. The more they waited, the more vulnerable they became, letting down their guard ever so slightly.

Everyone kept a close eye on Natalie, but she convinced them enough to think she was on their side and the PR had nothing to do with Unknown. Show the boys one made up threat message from Unknown and you gained most of their trust. Tom had asked Natalie to stop the PR for the sake of mending his broken relationship with Y/N. She told him that her and her publicist agreed to put it on hold...but kept no promise of stopping it forever.

Natalie’s mother was getting furious, not happy with how her daughter handled the situation. “I told you to keep Y/N away, you insolent girl. You are ruining everything and your chance with Tom.”, she spat through the phone.

Natalie listened to her mother’s rant, rolling her eyes. “Relax mother.” She says sourily. “This is just the beginning. Y/N wont know what hit her and after this...She’s going to wish she never came back to London.” She hangs up the phone smirking as she goes through fan accounts that continued to spark the PR flame.

Meanwhile as the three weeks passed Tom & Y/N had slowly rebuilt their relationship. Occasional glances and banters left their tongue, subtle compliments were thrown out, and it almost seemed as if things would be back just the way they were. Even more so, one day in the kitchen. Y/N was making dinner the for the group as she took the time to cut the asparagus and broccoli. Tom passed by her, as he saw her lose herself in the soft music playing in the background, singing to herself all while still being focused on the food.

He leaned against the doorway and continued to observe her, admiring how cute she looked with her hair up and how sweet her voice sounded with the music. It almost made him think why she didn’t pursue a career in music instead of business. “Wow.” Tom muttered under his breath.

His voice must have been too loud, since Y/N looked up startled, but all the more happy to see the man she once loved..and still does deep down. “Oh..I didn’t see you there.” She giggles. “Don’t worry I’ll stop singing in the kitchen. I know how you guys are when I get into it.”

Tom quickly shook his head as he came closer to her, smiling back. “No. You don’t have to. I think your voice sounds lovely. I mean the kitchen’s got great acoustics.” He laughs nervously. Tom can’t remember the last time he felt so nervous with her, but in the good type of nervous. The type of feeling, one gets when they’re in front of their crush and all the butterlies in their stomach start fluttering. “You just sound and look so beautiful.” He admits, sheepishly.

“Thomas Stanley Holland are you trying to flirt with me?” She asks amused at his attempt pointing the knife at him from a safe distance.

“Am not.” He dramatically answers. “I can’t compliment a friend, who happens to be really beautiful.” Y/N shies away hiding her face, by looking down at the cutting board. “I mean it. I really do think you’re beautiful, even if you dont think like that.”

“Well..I’m definitely no model or Natalie, since the people say you both are London’s to die for couple.” She says bitterly.

Tom rolls his eyes as he takes her hand. “Hey..I told you we stopped it for now and Natalie agreed. You know, I get that we all have our suspicions of her after everything, but she said and proved she was a victim herself. Plus Unknown’s been quiet for the past three weeks.” Y/N scoffs at his defense for Natalie as she heads to the stove with Tom following right behind her. He taps on her should as she reluctantly turns to look at him. “I am only ever going to have feelings for you.” Tom confesses. In this moment their faces are inches apart, eyes are slowing moving down to their lips and back up to their eyes, breaths slowing, and just when it seemed like everything would fall into place, both quickly turn away clearing their throats

Y/N calms her heartbeat as she stirs the pasta while Tom helps stir the sauce. The room was quiet only the sound of bubbling from the pots filling the room. It only took five seconds before they both turned back to each other quickly connecting their lips. The fever and the passion increasing rapidly with every touch and pull. The warmth coming from their breaths and the tingling feeling everytime their lips touched. It was like coming back from an addicition you had quit for so long but craved every single time. They couldn’t stop no matter how wrong this was right now, but it felt so right so spontaneous, so in the moment.

Tom quickly signaled her to jump and did as she told, wrapping her legs around his toned torso, cupping her hands under his jaw. He pushed her back against the kitchen wall, as he slow let on of his hands linger under her shirt. It may have been months apart, but both knew exactly what the other needed and how to handle it. Almost as if it were instinctive. They were in complete bliss, forgetting the world around them. Until, the pasta water started overflowing on the stove.

Y/N opened her eyes and quickly pushed Tom away. “Shit. The food.” She yells out, jumping from Tom’s embrace. Both of them tried to calm their heart rate and Tom stood their watching Y/N, smiling at what had just happened. For once he had his girl back, and everything felt normal. Y/N looks at him, giggling. “What?” She asks.

“Nothing.” He replies, grinning like a little boy. “I’ve waited to do that for so long.”

Y/N blushes at his statement, as she sets up the table with the food. “Come on. It’s time to eat.”

Life seemed surreal after her encounter with Tom. Y/N told herself that it was a one time thing until they found Unknown. She didnt want to put anyone at risk especially both her’s and Tom’s heart. But everytime she told herself, the more she got lost in Tom. Every stolen moment, stolen kisses, stolen touch...he always had a way of making her forget. So while she vowed to herself that it would stop, her heart simply couldn’t. Tom was right, there was no PR, no text messages, no insane fan account rumor. Natalie hadn’t even bothered either of them, always focused on her own thing, and truthfully seemed a lot nicer when she came forth about being a victim of Unknown. The questions came to Y/N’s mind. Why should she have to live in fear? Why not just live in the moment?

It was a slow night. Harrison had spent the weekend at his mother’s while Harry did the same. Tom and Y/N were the only ones that roamed aroundthe house. While Natalie spent her time contemplating everything. Her initial plan to crush Y/N when she least expected was approaching ever so quickly after all the time it took to set up. Within that time, she had gotten to know Y/N and Tom even more so a part from the hatred and the jealousy. For a second...just a second, she considered not to follow through. But her mother’s words and the thought of losing her chances with Tom overtook her the moment she saw the two fall in love all over again. Her suspicions only became worse when she recirved a text from her mother.

Unknown

Just remember, your acting career and your dreams depend on Tom. If you want Tom to choose you, you better get rid of the girl stealing your chances.

Filled with worry, Natalie quickly grabbed her things and made her way out the door.

Meanwhile, Tom and Y/N continued to spend time in each others arms everywhere they went in the house. They settled on the couch, Tom’s stong hands wrapping around her torso as Y/N curled herself into Tom. “I wish we could stay like this forever.” She whispers to him.

Tom hums at the idea, smiling wide. “Me too.” He brings her soft lips to his, letting them linger for a couple seconds more. “Do you really enjoy staying in the guest room?” Tom asks.

Y/N looks up at him, with curious eyes. “I mean yeah it’s okay. Why?”

Tom takes a deep breath before asking, “Well...I was uh wondering, if you didn’t like it as much there, you could..maybe stay with me...again.” He suggested muttering the last word. Tom smiled nervously, as he observes Y/N’s emotions. She was calm like the sea before a storm.

Y/N smiles at his offer, but shakes her head. “Mmm..it’s okay. Im fine where I am, but thank you for the generous offer.” She responds, placing a small kiss on his cheek.

“Yeah...I guess I should have seen that coming.” Tom admits, his face showing signs of disappointment.

Y/N pouts her lips, and lifts her small hand to move a piece of his hair. “Hey..believe me. I want to but nows the not the time..at least not yet. One day, I promise.” She whispers leaving a chaste kiss on his lips. “C’mon we got another day tomorrow. I’m gonna head into my room for a bit.”

“I’ll come up later just wanna make a call to Harrison.” Tom replies. Y/N looks at him and smiles as she nods and heads back up to her room.

As the night came to an end, Y/N took the time to unwind with a book in hand when her phone went off. Her face dropped when she saw the messages.

Pictures of Natalie out and about wearing Tom’s clothes and jewlery, smiling into the sun and enjoying her day out with friends. Gossips left and right from fans and media, talking about how adorable it was that Natalie was the type of girlfriend to steal her boyfriends clothes because it looks cuter on her. Y/N knew deep down it wasn’t true but the words and pictures taunted her. Slowly and surely, she started to get mad, furious that Natalie would start the flame again out of nowhere when she promised Tom they would stopped. Another message popped up for Y/N, and it was from someone she so willingly prayed it wouldnt be who she thought.

Unknown

Doesn’t she look cute in his clothes. Probably better than you ever could. BTW..where is lover boy? 😉

Y/N throws her phone against the wall, pissed more than ever. She should have known this was going to happen. Y/N contemplated the message, she wondered what the text meant. After all Unknown seeemed to know more about everyone here better than they knew themselves. Y/N slowly went downstairs only to hear whispering coming from the kitchen. She couldn’t make out the exact words but she could identify the voice. It was Tom and Natalie? She took a peak at the kitchen where the two stood facing each other. Y/N couldn’t make out Tom’s face but she could see Natalie’s very clearly. “Kiss me.” Natalie whispers, as she quickly places her lips on Tom’s cradling his neck, but Tom didn’t stop. The moment his eyes opened up to see Y/N’s he pushed Natalie off with all his might.

Y/N standing there in shock and sadness. Her eyes tearing up, her breaths shortening. She shakes her head, as she replays the disturbing image in her mind. “Y/N... it’s not what it looks like.” Tom quickly defends, trying to reach for Y/N as she steps back. Natalie observing the two, a slight smirk forming across her face. “I swear it was for the PR and movie.” He yells out, trying to chase her.

Y/N whips back as she faces Tom, the angriest she has ever been with him. “Who are you putting a show for in this house? Me? Because I sure as hell didn’t fucking like it one bit. I should have known better.” She spits out, heading up the stairs with Tom following.

“Y/N..please. It didn’t mean anything. I swear. I was put in a compromising position. Please listen to me.” Tom pleads. The door to her room is shut locked, but he stays there waiting and knocking at the door. “Y/N. Don’t do this. Dont walk away. Please just let me explain. You know what we have is special and the moment at the kitchen and everything this past month...”

“Was ruined and a complete and utter mistake. Leave me alone and I swear Tom you even try to get near me I will make sure you never see the light of day. I should have fucking stayed back.” Y/N yells out, sobbing against the door. It was a nightmare, and this time she couldn’t get out. She sat there now realizing, her heart had broken completely for the second time.

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts​ @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave​ @ifntelyinspirit @trumpettay @astridcommings @parkershoco @racewife2004 @sleepybesson @greatpizzascissorstaco @andievgs @joyleenl @holland-bowen @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh @viwihere @marvelobsessedteenager @panicattheeverywherekid @oswinO5 @jillanaholland

[weasleydream]

A story of love, pain and shitty parents - part 2

Here is the second part! This one is both longer and darker than the first, and all the end should have been a third part but I hadn’t enough ideas so... 

Tell me if you liked, don’t hesitate to like, reblog and/or give me feedbacks and enjoy!

TW: mention of torture, violence

Masterlist 

Part 1

The summer holidays had just begun - the school year had ended two weeks ago - yet the Burrow was as animated as the first of September. Fred, George, Ron and Ginny were currently packing. Molly was in the kitchen, cooking absentmindedly something for the diner. Her eyes were fixed outside, on the portal, as if it could open anytime. That was what she hoped. The previous week, Percy and Arthur had had a bad argument, a true fight and they both had said terrible things. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was the cause. His return was terrifying, of course, because it meant a war would take place. But Percy, probably blinded by his passion for his work, had called Harry a liar, his father a freak, and had left. 

The magical clock Molly adored made a soft noise. She looked at it quickly enough to see Arthur’s hand directed at “travelling”. A few seconds later, it was on “home” and Arthur opened the door. His face was hard, his jaw still clenching, and Molly knew her husband had seen Percy. It had been the same almost every day after the fight. They didn’t say anything. Only a loud sigh escaped Arthur’s mouth. 

Their children were still upstairs, making a lot of noise. Well, Molly was pretty sure the twins were responsible, but she didn’t say anything. The several booms that could be heard weren’t loud enough to prevent her from hearing the typical sound of someone travelling by Floo Powder, though. She rushed into the living-room, followed by Arthur, with an insane hope that Percy was here. It wasn’t him, but she screamed at the sight in front of her. 

Y/N was here. Her face was covered in bruises, but the most worrying was the cut on her forehead. Blood was flowing on her face. Her right hand tightened compulsively her left wrist. Her clothes were torn, she had multiple cuts and bruises all over her body, for what Molly could see. Her eyes were full of a pure terror, and her voice was broken and trembling when she said:

“Molly, please, help me…”

A few seconds after her arrival passed, and she fell unconscious on the floor. 

The shock that had taken over Molly immediately vanished as she rushed toward the poor girl. She kneeled in front of her, making sure she was still alive, before asking her husband to carry her and lay her on the couch. Arthur did so, clearly disturbed by the state of the girl, and mumbled.

“I’m gonna go get Fred and George.”

He left, leaving his wife alone with Y/N. Weak moans escaped the latter’s mouth when Molly started to clean the blood on her face, revealing a deeper cut than she had expected. Murmuring healing spells, she caught a sight of Fred running downstairs and toward the couch. His face showed a genuine worry. He kneeled next to his mother, trying not to disturb her, and grabbed Y/N’s hand. George arrived too, standing behind the couch, both hands holding tight the back of the sofa. The twins stayed silent as Molly tried her best to ease the unconscious girl’s pain. When her face finally relaxed and she began to snore softly, Molly mouthed “In the kitchen.” and she left the living-room, followed by Fred, George and Arthur. 

They took place around the table, but no one knew what to say, the events of the last half-hour still not fully processed. 

“What the hell happened to her?”

Fred’s voice was lower than usual. He was terribly worried for Y/N and everyone could see it. George stirred next to him. The brothers exchanged a look and they knew they were thinking the same. 

“Boys, if you know something, you have to tell us.” Arthur’s voice was hard. He considered Y/N like a daughter of his own and seeing her like this was awful. 

“Her father.” said George. “It’s her father.”

Molly and Arthur frowned and George told them everything he knew, breaking the promise he and Fred had made to Y/N when she had confessed how her father was. As he went along in his story, his parents’ face dropped, Molly’s eyes filling with tears. Sometimes, she mumbled “I didn’t know…” or “How could I be so blind?” but she never interrupted her son. Arthur seemed too taken aback to say something. Fred was silent too, but not for the same reason. He couldn’t erase Y/N’s injured body from his mind. Her moans of pain were still echoing in his ears and if he hadn’t been feeling this urge to make sure she would be okay, he would already be in front of her father to make him regret all that she had endured. 

“You knew all this time and you didn’t say anything?” yelled Arthur, immediately hit in the arm by Molly. 

“She made us promise…” whispered Fred. His voice was like strangled which caused George to look at him with worried eyes. “She begged us not to tell anything. We thought… We thought that now we knew we could help her…”

“She promised she would tell us if anything happened.” added George. 

The twins were slowly understanding their mistake, and the more this realization hit them, the more the guilt crept in their heart. 

“You thought you did right,” said Molly. “It’s not your fault. She’ll be okay, don’t -”

A scream interrupted her. 

Y/N’s pov

The only sound I could hear in the house was the voices coming from the dining room. It happened more and more often that my father received visits from people from the Ministry. Some of them were known for their past alongside He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and as the day passed, I feared the reason for their presence. The rumours said he was back; Harry Potter had affirmed so after bringing back Cedric’s body and I trusted him. As my father was talking with Lucius Malfoy, I made discreetly my way to the kitchen and prepared something to eat. Since Mary had been killed, no one lived in this house except my father and me. 

I held the plate containing my sandwich in one hand as I managed to silently close the door behind me when shouts louder than the others echoed from the dining room. A violent shiver went down my spine as I remembered the last time I had eavesdropped. Nevertheless, I put the plate on the floor and approached the door. This time, I didn’t dare to open it and settled for what I heard. 

“You don’t understand what it means.” hissed my father. 

“I understand very well.” replicated Malfoy. “We both have the same problem. Gaining back his trust won’t be easy, you heard him.”

Someone began to pace, his heavy steps echoing in the room. 

“Our place in the Ministry will be helpful, that’s for sure.” said my father. “But are we sure they won’t be on their guards?”

“He thinks Fudge will be too afraid. He’ll deny everything, the guy loves power too much.”

A silence took place and I heard something that sounded like fabric being removed. 

“It hadn’t burnt in so long…” said my father. 

“You should be more careful with this.” snapped Malfoy. “I believe you killed the nurse because of that?”

“Yes, she’d been too curious.”

I needed to know why he had killed Mary. I decided to take the risk and slowly opened the door. I saw the forearm of my father, the one he used to clench since last year. He had the Dark Mark. My father was a Death Eater. 

At the very moment I thought I would go back in my room, his eyes fell on me. 

“Y/N? Y/N! It’s okay, it’s okay…”

I suddenly opened my eyes. I was sitting on a couch in the Burrow living room. Fred was kneeling in front of me and holding tightly my hands. George was sitting next to me and stroking gently my back, throwing worried glances at Molly and Arthur who were standing in front of us. My sight was blurry and I realized I was crying only when Fred delicately wiped my tears with his thumbs. 

“You have to tell us…” he whispered. 

My voice was shaky and a contained sob muffled it. 

“He’s a Death Eater. I- I saw it.”

The heaviest silence I had ever heard took place as they slowly processed what I had said. I couldn’t bring myself to look at them, an unexplained feeling of shame and guilt flooding in me. 

“Come here.”

Without me realizing, Fred had sat next to me and he pulled me against his chest. His embrace had this fantastic power to make me feel safe even in the worst situations, and this time wasn't an exception. But it only made it all so much more difficult to bear when he let go of me… 

Molly rushed in the kitchen. I was pretty sure she wanted to hide from me, either because of what she was feeling or… Maybe she was, for some reason, afraid because of me? After all, she had just learned my father was a Death Eater. He knew where the Burrow was, he probably knew the Weasleys were close to Harry, maybe she feared reprisals. And if I hadn’t been so scared and so selfish, I wouldn’t have come here. 

“Y/N, you need to tell us exactly what happened.”

I hadn’t seen Arthur was still here. He was now kneeling next to Fred, his hand resting on my shoulder. He was showing a genuine worry and, for a second, I thought about how, in six years, he had become the father I had always wanted. The one that would happily share his passion with me, that would tell me funny stories about members of the Ministry, the one that had managed to keep me a place for the Quidditch World Cup because he knew it was my passion. But just thinking of what had happened dived me in a completely panicked state.

“I- I can’t…” I murmured. 

Arthur shared a look with George and got up. He gently muffled my hair and joined Molly in the kitchen. After his father’s departure, George grabbed my hand and helped me stand up. It seemed to get Fred out of his trance and he jumped on his feet, grabbing my other hand. 

“The diner isn’t ready yet.” said George. “We’ll show you the invention we’ve just finished this morning!”

It was only when we reached their room that I understood something was going to happen. I didn’t feel like doing something as simple as talking, but fortunately for me, these two boys knew me very well. An interrogative look was enough for Fred telling me why bags were cluttering the space. 

“We won’t spend summer here this year. We’ll go to London.” 

The perspective seemed to enthuse him and he started to explain to me in detail how these strange candies worked, helped by precisions brought by George. My brain was prone to such a mental exhaustion that understanding what they were saying necessitated all my will, and the boys were so involved in the mission they had imposed themselves, namely making me forget what had happened previously, that they didn’t notice my repetitive yawns. However, no matter how hard I tried to stay awake, my eyes eventually closed. 

I was lying on the ground. My cheek was crushed on the ground, and I barely could see the empty chimney through my tears. The part of my neck previously strangled by the fabric of my shirt when my father had grabbed it was still painful, but my mind was busy with something totally different. I didn’t dare move, knowing that two powerful Death Eaters were next to me. My father was pacing faster than before, mumbling he knew what he had to do. After a few minutes, during which I was trembling on the floor, Malfoy shouted he could do it for him.

“We won’t kill her. It would arouse suspicions.” he answered. 

Relief flooded in me but disappeared quickly when someone grabbed the back of my shirt and forced me to get up. My father’s face was twisted by a rage he had contained until now. Several wrinkles distorted his expression and the burning glare in his eyes simply terrified me. 

“After Mary, I thought you would have understood not to stick your filthy nose in my business.” he rumbled. “I thought you were more intelligent than that.”

He began pacing again. He was tightening his wand and his head was down. 

“What are you doing?” hissed Malfoy. “She’s close to Dumbledore’s entourage. She can’t stay alive now that she knows who we are.”

“Or we keep her alive and bring her to the Dark Lord.” added my father. 

I caught the look between them and it hit me. They would bring me to wherever He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was hidden, and I would be tortured. I would be killed. Panic invaded me and, in a desperate attempt to save my life, I jumped on Malfoy, tackling him to the ground in the process, and ran toward the door. Everything seemed to go in slow motion as I extended an arm to push the door and for a split second, I was persuaded I would be safe. 

“Crucio!”

This time, I woke up without a scream. Without any noise, in fact. It was the middle of the night, and I was curled up in a ball in Fred’s bed. The moonlight illuminated the room and I distinguished George’s silhouette in his bed. Fred wasn’t here and I suddenly felt guilty; he was probably sleeping on the couch of the living-room. Despite the feeling of safety George’s snores somehow brought me, I got up as silently as possible, suppressing a moan as my sore muscles protested. I limped toward the door and pushed it. The hissing didn’t wake George up, it only made him groan and turn in his bed. 

Once downstairs and done thanking Merlin the twins’ room wasn’t at the upper floor, I headed in the living-room. I wanted to wake Fred up and tell him he should go back to his room: the couch would be enough for me, and I didn’t plan to sleep anyway. However, I found the living-room empty and began to wonder where he could be when I noticed the front door slightly opened. 

The cool air of the night made me shiver as I was looking for Fred. I spotted him sitting on the floor with his back resting against the broom cupboard. His gaze was lost somewhere in front of him, and he was so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t hear me. He jumped when my leg brushed against his arm as I backed against the wall too. 

“What are you doing here, love?” he asked quietly. “You need rest.”

“I can’t sleep.”

It was all he needed to get up and engulf me in a hug. He wasn’t tightening me too hard and stroking my hair gently. I wrapped my arms around him and clenched the back of his shirt in my hands. 

“Come on,” he eventually said. “I’ll bring you back to bed.”

With an arm around my shoulders, he led me in the house. He was heading to the stairs when I stopped. 

“What’s wrong?” he said with a worried voice. 

I was looking at my feet, too ashamed of what I wanted to ask to look at him. 

“I can’t sleep…” I repeated. “Can we stay here?”

“Of course we can.”

The softness of his voice surprised me and I looked up to see a sweet little smile on his face. Fred let himself fall on the couch and made himself comfortable before taking my hand and pulling me toward me.

“Come here…” he whispered.

I snuggled against his torso and rested my head under his. He put his chin on my hair and wrapped me in his arms. The slow movement of his hands on my back helped me relax and his low voice seemed to echo in my ears as he constantly said sweet things. 

If I had stayed awake long enough, I would have heard him whisper in my ear.

“I love you, Y/N… I love you.”

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

The atmosphere in the 12, Grimmauld Place was matching mine pretty well. What my father had done to me had slowly sunk in me, letting me in such a lethargic state that I knew everyone was worrying without being able to react. I couldn’t really eat as I always threw everything up, and I dreaded the darkest hours of the night, the ones during which my nightmares threatened to surface. When I lost the fight against my own body and finally fell asleep, it always ended in the same way: I woke up screaming no more than one or two hours later. 

One day, approximately one week after our installation there, Molly barged in my room as I was sitting on the bed and staring blankly at the wall in front of me. She was followed by Fred, and if I had noticed his excruciatingly worried face, I would certainly have felt guilty. 

“Y/N, dear, do you hear me?” asked gently Molly. 

I nodded weakly, my eyes not leaving the crack in the wall. It was forming a Y, funny isn’t it?

“I want you to drink that.”

Looking up from the letter formed by accident, I turned my head toward her and my eyes fell on the vial she was holding. 

“It will help you sleep, Y/N.” intervened Fred before sitting next to me and stroking my back. “A sleep without dreams, Mum made sure of it.”

I sighed and grabbed the vial, drinking the pink potion before getting any chance to regret it. I immediately felt my eyes closing, my head becoming heavier and my body slowly falling. Fred’s arms caught me and he delicately laid me on the bed. He kissed my forehead, whispered “Sleep well, Y/N” and left. Molly was still next to me, I felt her hand on mine, and as I was slowly falling in Morpheus’ arms I fought for just one more second of consciousness. 

“Thanks, Mum…”

And I closed my eyes, letting Molly wiping her tears away, covering me with a thin sheet and closing quietly the door. 

After almost fifteen hours of sleep, which was an absolute record, I felt better than I thought I would ever feel and the very first thing I did when I opened my eyes was looking for Molly. The curtains of my room were closed and the house was naturally dimly lit, that’s probably why I didn’t notice the sun was getting down in the sky. I was sure I would find Molly in the kitchen, and that’s without paying attention to the noise coming from the dining room that I opened the door. All the Weasley family along with Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Hermione were here. A few seconds of silence followed, only broken by Fred who precipitately jumped on his feet and walked toward me. 

“How are you feeling, sleeping beauty?” he winked at me, and I smiled genuinely for the first time in a while. 

“Fine, in fact… I wanted to thank you for that, Molly.”

“That was nothing!” she exclaimed before getting up and engulfing me in her best motherly hug. “Go sit down, I’ll bring you a plate. Go, honey!”

Fred grabbed my hand and dragged me to the empty seat next to him. Like a true gentleman, he helped me sit before gaining back his place and leaning toward me. 

“Are you sure you’re feeling well?” he murmured. 

I turned my head toward him and noticed his worried gaze… Just before realizing how close our faces were. There were only a few centimeters between our lips and for a second, I felt the urge to shut this distance down. His lips seemed to be so soft and-

“Oi love birds, not in front of everyone!” exclaimed someone - George probably, even though I hadn’t recognized the voice. Too focused on Fred, I guess. 

Fred and I both jumped and straightened, putting too much distance between us for my liking doing so. Molly arrived at the same moment with my plate and gave me something to occupy my mind and prevent it from making me imagine Fred’s lips on mine. Without caughting any of the amused looks around the table, I started eating, my heart skipping a bit each time my elbow brushed against Fred’s one. After the dinner, Molly summoned a few bottles of butterbeer and animated discussions formed between everyone. I was unable to participate in one of them, though, as I was exhausted. My magical sleep hadn’t been that helpful as it seemed. I felt my entire body becoming heavier and my head slowly leaning on my side - the side where Fred was sitting, of course. 

“Are you tired, love?” he asked quietly. 

I nodded and he wrapped an arm around my shoulders. 

“Come with me.”

I got up and followed him, somehow managing to get upstairs in one piece. Fred opened the door and stepped aside to let me go in my room first… Which I didn’t do. I stopped, suddenly feeling the weight on my heart, the one of the fear, no, the terror of facing another night of nightmares. 

“Y/N?”

Fred put his hand on the small of my back and stepped closer. 

“I’m scared, Fred…” I whispered. 

“I’ll stay with you,” he said in the same tone. When he was next to me, the silence didn’t feel bad anymore. “You don’t have to be scared when I’m with you, Y/N. Never.”

“I know.”

A few minutes later, I was curled up on my side, and Fred was tucking me into bed. He made sure the blanket was all over me to stop my shiverings and he pulled a chair just in front of me. I extended an arm and grabbed his hand, which he tightened gently. 

“Thank you…”

“Anytime.” he winked. “I’ll always be there for you.” he leaned forward and kissed my forehead. “Now sleep, love.”

This time, I heard it. It came in a whisper, when he was brushing a strand of hair off my face, when his touch was burning my skin and relaxing me all at once. 

“I love you, Y/N.”

And this time, I answered, my voice muffled by the fabric of my pillow and my lips forming a tiny smile.

“I love you too, Freddie.”

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“Are you okay love? Did you sleep well?” Fred spoke up from his seat at the breakfast table, even though he knew the answers. 

It had been approximately a month since we had confessed our love to each other, a month since Fred had taken the habit to stay in my room most of the night, only returning in his when the sun rose. Obviously, George knew that but he had never told anyone, nor had he ever questioned us. Maybe Fred had asked him to, or maybe he knew the both of us well enough to let us figure this out by ourselves, fact is that he had never said anything about this. And I was more than thankful as I didn’t know what was happening. 

I loved Fred and he loved me, we were both sure of that. But the next day, we had done as if nothing had happened, keeping whatever existed between us in the same state as it had always been. I had slowly learned how to be myself again, keeping the abominable things my father had done to me locked in a hidden corner of my head. I spent my days helping everyone with the cleaning of the house, helping Molly in the kitchen or the twins with their inventions, sometimes cracking a joke or smiling quite genuinely. But the scars were still here, both physical and mental, both destructive and above all, both haunting my nights. The only thing that helped me going through the nightmares, which were in fact memories, was Fred. His arms around me, his voice whispering sweet things in my ear, that was my version of a dreamcatcher. 

“Y/N?”

Fred had gotten up and walked toward me without me even noticing. I nodded precipitately, not wanting anyone to worry more than usual, and joined him to eat. Molly put in front of me a plate full of eggs and patted my shoulder longer than usual. 

“I think I’ll leave you alone, no cleaning for today.” She announced after everyone had finished their eggs. “Oh, and remember me to talk to Alastor about the boggart in the living-room.”

The day would have been tranquil if the letters for Hogwarts hadn’t been delivered, and what promised to be a peaceful evening became a little party for Ron and Hermione, the new prefects. Fred and George were busy negotiating with Mundungus and that didn’t really interest me. I decided to leave and wait for Fred in my room. 

“Where are you going?” he asked after grabbing my hand. 

“In my room.” 

“Do you want me to come with you?” He said with a worried gaze, already giving his back to George and Mundungus. 

“No, don’t worry, I’ll wait for you.” I replied with what I hoped was a convincing smile. 

Fred eyes me suspiciously before laying a kiss on my forehead. 

“Call me if you need anything.” he whispered. 

I nodded and left him dealing with George’s jokes, the spot where Fred’s lips had touched my skin still tickling me. I quietly crossed the dark hall, absolutely not wanting to wake up Sirius’ mother’s portrait, and climbed the stairs. 

From where I was, the noise of the discussions in the animated dining room still arrived in my ears, soft voices muffled by the wood and several carpets they had to go through. However, a new sound soon appeared, a sound that seemed to be much closer. It was sobs. Slightly panicking, I considered for a second on calling for someone’s help, but a sob louder than the others indicated to me it was Molly and all hesitation disappeared. Guided by the sound, I found the door of the living-room where she was. 

“Molly, are you-”

And I froze. Molly wasn’t here, but my father was. 

I had immediately recognized his salt-and-pepper hair, and when he turned toward me, his glaring eyes burnt holes through me. My blood seemed to be freezing in my veins, and each heartbeat was painful, seeming so horribly loud that I was sure he could hear them. Hear how terrified I was. 

He said nothing, only looking at me with this insane expression, a vicious smile stretching his lips. With each step he took toward me, I took two steps backwards. The horror that filled my body, which I thought was at its paroxysm, reached its peak when my back eventually rested against the closed door. I was blocked, and he was getting closer. Soon so close that I could smell his breathing. Both my terror and the vapors of firewhiskey caused tears to roll down my cheeks. 

He was just in front of me, still looking at me without saying a word, one hand holding his wand and the other slowly reaching for me. The immense knot in my throat only disappeared when his fingers brushed against my shoulder, and I screamed louder than ever. 

It felt like I wasn’t myself anymore, like I had become a terrorized animal, all shaking and whimpering and curled up on a corner. I was blinded by my tears and didn’t notice that the threatening silhouette in front of me had changed and fallen on the floor like a rag doll. I hadn’t noticed Molly when she had rushed from where she had been hidden by the shadows, and I hadn’t realized that the door shutting open by Lupin had sent me on the floor, just next to the lifeless body that had taken Ginny’s form. 

Someone tried to wrap their arms around me and I screamed louder, fearing that it was him, that he was here to hurt me like he had done so often before. I struggled savagely, hitting whatever my hands and feet could reach, wanting nothing more than escaping the terror that was consuming me. And I kept screaming, my throat burning and my vocal cords weakening, my voice more and more broken as the minutes passed. 

“Y/N! Y/N, it’s me, Fred! Listen to me, please!”

It took a few seconds for me to understand that I wasn’t in danger anymore, and as my voice was dying in a sob, I looked up to Fred to see his eyes full of tears. When our gazes met, he whispered something I didn’t understand and engulfed me in a protective embrace, one of his famous hugs always able to make me feel protected. His arms crushing my bones helped me realize I was okay, and his voice barely controlled managed to soothe me. 

“Here, it’s over now. You’re okay love, you’re okay…”

“Fred, it was- he was here and-”

“No Y/N, it was a boggart. A boggart love, your- he wasn’t really here. I swear he’ll never get to be close to you anymore, you hear me? Never.”

I nodded absent-mindedly, still clearly distraught by what had just happened. I couldn’t help but look everywhere around me, furiously turning my head in all directions just to make sure that there wasn’t any danger. I didn’t pay any attention to all the people present in the room, the only ones who seemed really important being Fred and George, who was kneeling behind me with his hands on my shoulders. 

“I’ll ask Mum to give me a potion.” he said. 

Fred nodded and George left, ruffling my hair one last time before heading to Molly. 

“I’ll bring you back to your room.”

Fred helped me get up and guided me in the stairs. He was silent, his jaw was clenched and he never looked at me. He didn’t step aside to let me enter first and only let go of my hand when I sat on my bed. He kneeled in front of me but kept his head down. 

“I’m sorry Y/N,” he said, finally looking at me. “I should have come with you and-”

“I don’t want you to blame yourself for me not being able to recognize a boggart.” I cut him with a quiet voice. 

He was on the verge of protesting, I knew it, and I didn’t want to hear it. That’s why, instead, I kneeled in front of him, making some room between him and the bed. I grabbed his face and kissed him.

Tag: @pregnant-piggy​

[ghostspideys-moved]

chasing visions of our futures: chapter two

a/n: I meant to have this done much earlier today, but at least I got it finished!

word count: 2k

pairing: barry allen x oc

summary: River Matthews decides to cause some chaos in Central City, mostly for fun, but also for the attention she knows she’ll get from The Flash. When he catches her, and she gets a second chance, she has to decide whether she should take it or if there’s no changing for her. There’s a lot more to her the more Barry tries to dig, and the more he does, the more River’s afraid he won’t like what he finds out.

chapter summary: Team Flash has to decide what to do with River, and with Hawthorne’s help, things might start looking up for her.

Being stuck in the Pipeline for this long was already driving River insane. Maybe not literally, but she was extremely bored, and she didn’t handle her boredom well. Not that she could do much about it if she wanted to. Cisco really had done a good job of designing the cells. 

While the rest of Team Flash - Hawthorne included - was deciding her fate, River was left to hope she wouldn’t be kept here forever. Yeah, so she’d been causing them a lot of trouble for several days now, but they couldn’t just keep her in here forever, right?

Luckily, Hawthorne came back eventually. She held onto the hope she had that maybe they’d let her go. After all, she could have done a lot worse, and River could be fairly persuasive if she tried. Not that she thought it would matter. Whatever they decided, they’d probably be set on it.

“So, I have some good news and some bad news,” Hawthorne said. “The good news is, apparently, they’re willing to let you out of here." 

River, who’d previously been splayed out on the cell floor, shot up to her feet. "Seriously?” Honestly, she hadn’t expected them to actually do it.

“Yes, but on one condition.” That made her pause, the smile she’d had on her face dropping. “I convinced them to give you a chance as long as you try turning a new leaf.”

“What?” River exclaimed. That was practically impossible for her, and she already knew she’d just let them down if she even tried. “What even makes you think I could do that?”

Hawthorne sighed, crossing his arms. “I think you could if you actually tried. You’re not a terrible person, River. Maybe just a bit…misguided.”

That felt like the understatement of the year. She might be worse off than he thought. 

River groaned and pressed her forehead against the glass of the cell. This was a lot to process. “Okay, so let’s say for a second that I even entertain that idea. What have I ever done to make you think I can even change?” Even she had her doubts, and she could imagine it would take some time before the team even trusted her if she went along. On the other hand, it might be a nicer alternative to being kept in the Pipeline for however long. 

“Not much, but I care about you enough that I did what I could to convince them to give you a chance. Because I know what you’ve been through, and I think you at least deserve that chance.” It was clear that Hawthorne meant it, but she was still having a hard time wrapping her head around his words. 

“They’re just stressed out with all the metahumans that are constantly popping up, and they’ve been through a lot, so it might take them some time to warm up to you,” he continued. “But if you just give it a chance, I think you’ll like it a lot better than being stuck with dad for the rest of eternity.”

River sighed and looked away as she let it all sink in. Realistically, she knew he was right, and squandering this chance might be her worst decision ever. “And what happens if I don’t go along with it?”

Hawthorne shrugged, feigning a casual expression. “More than likely, you go to Iron Heights with the rest of the metahumans. Which is just as hard to escape as this cell.”

The odds were stacked against her, and while River could be stubborn and unwilling to cooperate in the worst of circumstances, it was clear to her what her best option was. She’d have to play along.

“Alright, fine. I’ll give it a shot,” she decided. “But I’m not guaranteeing you this will even work.” In fact, she had a very good feeling his misplaced faith in her was only going to bite him in the ass eventually.

“I only ask that you try.”

Hawthorne relayed her decision to the rest of the team, and he came back with Caitlin to let her out. Of course, they were going to watch her like a hawk now that she was free, but River much preferred it to the boring cell she’d be stuck in otherwise. 

“Are you ready for the bad news?” Hawthorne asked once she was free. In her eagerness, she forgot there even was a bad end to all this.

“I suppose.”

“I have my own team to work with, so I won’t be around much. So, as much as I’d love to have you stay with me, I won’t be in Central City to keep an eye on you. I’m a little busy with the Legends,” he explained. “But Caitlin’s agreed to show you around while I sort out everything else I need to.”

Admittedly, the thought of exploring a little was exciting. S.T.A.R. Labs seemed like a pretty big place, and to say she didn’t think it could be cool to look around would be a lie. “Sounds fun,” River said. 

Hawthorne patted her back, giving her a reassuring smile. “I’ll be around for a little longer before I have to head out." 

With that, he left her with Caitlin. River followed her around the building, curiously looking around. Already, she could tell she was bound to get lost on her own, at least for a while. She tried to create a mental map, which was easier said than done. Still reeling from the fact that she was even here, she’d only caught half of what Caitlin was saying in her tour of the lab. Part of her felt bad for not totally listening, but another part of her wondered why she even felt bad at all. Really, her thoughts and emotions were all over the place, but she made a mental note to thank her brother sometime for getting her out of the Pipeline. From what she could tell, he was pretty good friends with everyone on Team Flash, which was probably the biggest deciding factor in her release. Otherwise, she was sure she wouldn’t be following Caitlin through the halls. 

River snapped out of her thoughts as they stopped in Cisco’s workshop. The only other person in the room, though, was another man who was definitely not Cisco. And he was throwing things out of frustration.

"This is Harry,” Caitlin explained, seemingly not even fazed by his behavior. “Don’t worry. This is normal for him." 

It was almost comforting how strange everyone on the team was. At least from her perspective. While she still had her doubts about this working out, she felt a little better knowing she probably wasn’t much stranger than them, or at least that they’d probably accept how different she was if they could accept Harry’s weird outbursts. 

"I can tell,” River said. Not the strangest thing she’d seen. 

Caitlin pulled her away, letting Harry work through his problem as they finished up the tour. “Don’t worry if you get a little lost right away. It take a little adjusting to this place for everyone.”

“Yeah, no kidding. It’s bigger than I thought.” Though she didn’t say it, it was kind of exciting. She could definitely get used to this. And, if she was being honest, she kind of enjoyed listening to Caitlin, at least for as much as she’d listened.

“Well, I’ll be here if you ever need help,” Caitlin assured her. “We’re all supposed to make sure you’re supervised until we can fully trust you, but that wasn’t my idea.”

River wasn’t too surprised, and she wouldn’t have expected otherwise. It was probably a fair call, though. A smart move on their end. No doubt they knew better than to trust a stranger right away, especially someone they’d been trying to catch for a few days now. 

“Speaking of which,” Caitlin continued, “We figured, since Hawthorne’s usually busy, you probably need somewhere to stay. So, I volunteered to let you stay with me for a while.”

Of all the people River could have ended up with, she seemed the most tolerable. Caitlin hadn’t been anything but kind so far, which kind of threw her off guard, admittedly, but it was kind of nice. 

“You’re really sure you want me around?” Caitlin nodded, a smile still present on her face. “Alright, but I’m a lot to handle being around for that long.”

She didn’t seem too dissuaded, oddly enough. “Trust me, I’ve dealt with worse,” Caitlin said.

Seeing as it was getting pretty late, Caitlin wrapped up and let everyone know they were heading out. Everyone seemed worried about leaving her with River, even if they didn’t say. And surely Caitlin knew her friends well enough to see it, too, but she didn’t seem to carry the same unease as the rest of them. She simply dismissed it and lead the way to her apartment.

Caitlin’s apartment seemed nice than anywhere River had ever lived, though her standards weren’t very high. Hell wasn’t exactly a great place, so anywhere might have been nicer. Just from looking around, she could tell Caitlin must be a neat person. Nothing was really out of place, and she didn’t seem to leave many messes, if any. 

Figuring River must be hungry, Caitlin found something for them to snack on in the meantime. Though she’d eaten a little while in her cell, she would never turn down food, and she did often found herself hungry quicker than she knew was probably normal. So the thoughtfulness didn’t go unappreciated. 

It really was strange having someone actually being kind and concerned for her, even if it was just small things. It was just new and different, in a good way. 

Caitlin made sure River was set for the night so she could sleep well. Tomorrow, they’d work on some training and getting her used to working with everyone else, so she’d need as much sleep as she could get. River knew that would be hard with how much difficulty she had sleeping, as if her brain refused to shut off, but she didn’t worry Caitlin with that. She could deal with it herself. 

Once River had a decent layout of the house in case she needed the bathroom in the middle of the night or anything else, Caitlin let her be and went to her room to rest. As she’s expected of herself, River couldn’t sleep right away. Which was fine. It was normal for her. But now she had so much time to herself, and therefore more time to think.

Today had been so strange. Such a whirlwind as everything changed. If it hadn’t been for her brother, she wouldn’t be here right now, and though they had a lot of problems to sort out between each other, she greatly appreciated his help. And Caitlin was probably the first person to show her any kindness in a long time. As strange as it was, River welcomed it. And though she had some concerns and doubts about joining a team of heroes, she was kind of glad they’d even given her a chance. They certainly didn’t have to, though she knew it was mainly to do with Hawthorne. 

This could be the start of something much better. And if she had anything to say about it, she was going to make the most of it while she could. River thought back to what Hawthorne said about her being misguided. By all means, she knew he was right. She might have done some horrible things - things she often regretted when she stop to think about it - but it wasn’t the end of the world for her. There might still be a chance for her after all. 

It was with that small shred of hope that River actually found herself growing tired. It had been a long day, and she was far too comfortable not to feel sleepy. Her last thought before letting sleep take over was, I hope I don’t let them down too much.

[allthebooksandcrannies]

Bora Bora: Chapter 2

Here’s the next chapter of my fanfic of murkybluematter’s Rigel Black Chronicles fanfic series. I highly recommend checking her work out on fanfiction.net if you enjoy either the Harry Potter or Alana the Lioness books, but you really don’t need to have read either to understand what’s going on in her fic. That said this is the third installment of my fic.

Murkybluematter’s Pureblood Pretense

Read other parts here: Prologue, Chapter 1

Or, Read on AO3

Chapter 2: We Will Not Go Quietly

Pansy couldn’t help the small smile that appeared when Rigel stopped and quite obviously stifled what was sure to have been an incredibly dramatic sigh the moment she came around the corner. His situational awareness really had improved these last few years. The little first year she had caught gaping at the Great Hall’s enchanted ceiling would likely have allowed her to get close enough to touch without noticing her approach when worked into this kind of state.

The smile fell, however, when he turned around and she saw his expression.  Rigel was an expert at putting on a mask, so to see him look so raw was incredibly disconcerting. She was suddenly very glad she had come in Draco’s place.

“Pan, I’m really not in the mood for another lecture on not crossing Riddle.”

“I know,” she said as she linked their arms together. “I’m here to help you do it.” And if she derived a thrum of satisfaction from leaving her best friend absolutely gobsmacked, well, that was no one’s business as her own.

 -0

[HpHpHp]

-0

 Rigel didn’t say a word until long after they reached the Room of Requirement. This, however, was not for lack of trying. At first it was just because, contrary to what her friends might like to say, she did, in fact, have enough self-preservation to not start a conversation about opposing one of the most powerful men in the country in the middle of a hallway.  

Then, however, it was because she wasn’t really sure how else to respond to the room Pansy’s pacing had conjured.

Rather than the usual empty room and cushion setup, her friend had summoned several large classroom chalkboards and a single desk and chair right in front of them. Pansy’s hold on her arm was more like a deathgrip now as she practically dragged Rigel over to the chair and pressed her into it. “Pan? Wha-”

“Do sit, Rigel,” she said with a sticking charm and what was definitely her scariest smile. “If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do this right, and that means we are going to plan within an inch of our lives. Understand?”

Rigel nodded because she wasn’t an idiot.  When Pansy went into planning mode, she was a force of nature. It was best to just go along with it. And, if she was being honest with herself, it would be really nice to have her help on this. “So, what do we do first?”

 -0

[HpHpHp]

-0

 Pansy got right down to business, and Rigel was now really, really glad that the other girl was on her side.

“The way I see it, we’re past the point where a decoy engagement is going to cut it. Harry’s already seventeen, so she no longer has her age as an excuse not to follow through. And at this point, no one believes either of you have any intention of acting on your current contract. So, we need to come up with someone for Harry to actually marry, and once that happens she’ll at least be safe on that front. Do you know if she has anyone in mind who would be a good match?”

“She’s close to the Potions Aldermaster’s son. I know that he would agree if she asked him.” It was true.  There was no denying that Leo had been romantically interested in Harry for a long time, and if she was honest with herself, on the rare occasions where she had pictured herself marrying someone it had always been Leo.

“Oh, excellent! Then, we just need to make sure we’re prepared for Riddle’s retaliation. Where’s he most vulnerable?”

Caught off guard, the “excuse me” that slipped out of Rigel’s mouth was completely involuntary, but that didn’t stop Pansy’s raised eyebrow.

“We’re about to knowingly and intentionally interfere with a plan Riddle not only put into place but has been open enough about to allow it to be put in a letter. We may get a little leeway if he’s preoccupied by dealing with these extremists, but he’ll have to retaliate somehow if he wants to save face, and if this boy has any serious weaknesses he won’t hesitate to use them, so we need to make sure we have a plan for them.”

Rigel’s stomach plummeted down to her toes as her hands came up to fist into her close-cropped hair. “Oh, Merlin.”

“That bad?” Pansy leaned across the table in front of her, resting her weight on her elbows.

“He’s the Rogue,” Rigel groaned. “He runs the Court of the Rogues in the Lower Alleys. Manages the businesses, makes sure that his people have what they need to survive as long as they pay their tithe and follow the Court’s rules. It’s not exactly the most legal line of work.”

Pansy hmmd thoughtfully. “And how likely is it, do you think, that Riddle knows about this? How under the radar is this Court?”

“Considering that Leo’s hired Regulus Black for under the table ward work on at least two separate occasions? If Riddle doesn’t know already, he will the second he thinks to ask.”

She sighed. There were so any people who depended on Leo. Rispah, Aled, Krait, Marek, Margo and Clara… These people were her friends, and if Riddle thought it would hurt Harry or one young man who had the nerve to get in his way, he wouldn’t hesitate to twist the knife.

Whether it was a tip to the Auror department or encouraging malcontents like Claw, Riddle would and could topple Leo’s careful house of cards with just a few words, a few promises to the right, or wrong, people. And then where would the Alley folk be?

“Leo loves Harry, but he would never put his people at risk like that.” He was too pragmatic, too used to self-denial but not so insecure as to be unaware of the good he did in those alleys. “And Harry could never put him in the position where he’d have to make that choice.” It was that dual pragmatism that made the two of them such a good pair, but that left Rigel with a weird pit in her gut.

Pansy tentatively reached for her hand, worried Rigel might resist the touch the way she usually did, but Rigel was suddenly too tired to fight. Pansy’s grip was gentle but, when her fingers tightened Rigel’s eyes were drawn to meet her friend’s steady gaze.

“I promise you, Rye,” her face as open as Rigel had ever seen it, “Harry is going to be fine. We have this. We just have to keep thinking and we’ll come up with something we can all live with.”

And with that she pulled away to reach for the middle chalkboard. Rigel told herself to ignore how cold her hand felt all of a sudden. But then Pansy was back, presenting Rigel with a piece of chalk.

“Start making a list. Every unmarried pureblood you or Harry knows, whether you think they’re a good match or not. Then, once we’re sure we aren’t going to accidentally overlook someone, we use process of elimination until we know all our options. Let’s get to work”

And they did.

 -0

[HpHpHp]

-0

 “You’re joking right? Because Crabbe and Goyle are both definitely worse than Theo.”

“You said everyone!”

“The minions are not everyone, Rye.”

“I’ll cross them off because I’m not insane but I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what ‘everyone’ means, Pan.”

 -0

[HpHpHp]

-0

 “What about Millicent?”

“No… her parents just finalized an arrangement with that young Belgian ambassador she had her eye on.  I’m the maid of honour. I’m pretty sure it would be rude to ask her to break an engagement”

“You’re probably right there.”

“Of course I am.”

 -0

[HpHpHp]

-0

 “I thought you liked Neville!”

“Trust me, I’m crossing him off for his own good. There’s no way I’m subjecting that poor boy to a lifetime with your family.”

“I don’t know if I should be proud of you for protecting a Gryffindor or just insulted on my family’s behalf.”

“I’m sorry, I thought you had met the Marauders.  Remember the first day of third year defense?”

“…Okay, yeah, Neville would die.”

 -0

[HpHpHp]

-0

 “What about Weasley?”

“Which one?”

“Any of them?”

“No, their family is too close and Gryffindors besides. Makes them too easy to use against each other, and the oldest sells his services as a cursebreaker in the alleys. I can’t be sure whether or not Riddle knows that.”

“Fair enough. I’ve heard enough rumours about a flying car to be concerned regardless.”

 -0

[HpHpHp]

-0

 “It’s a shame Rosier is already married. I think he’s always been a little bit sweet on you and your cousin.”

“Actually, he did once offer to marry her if she needed the option.”

“That does not surprise me at all.”

 -0

[HpHpHp]

-0

“I thought you liked your cousin.”

“I do! They’re friends, I swear!”

“Putting a pin in that…do you really want your cousin to be murdered by Bellatrix Lestrange?”

“…I hate it when you have a point.”

“No, you don’t.”

Rigel let out a dramatic, full-body sigh that would have made Archie proud, as she let her forehead fall to the desk surface with an audible clunk. “No, I don’t.

“That was the last name, though. Why is everyone I know either harboring a deep prejudice against a member of my family, or shady enough that I have to worry about Uncle James having to arrest them?”

“I don’t know, maybe because you’re rather shady yourself? And I resent the implication” While her tone was joking, Rigel didn’t miss the crease between Pansy’s brows as she glared at the chalkboards full of crossed out names.

“Ugh, at this rate, Harry may have to just marry you, Pan. Unless you’re secretly running an illicit organ smuggling ring you haven’t told me about.” Rigel thought Pansy would laugh, or maybe just ignore her admittedly morbid joke. She was not expecting the way her friend slowly turned her full body to face her, or the intensity of her gaze when she did.

“Repeat that for me?”

Rigel didn’t think she meant the bit about the organ smuggling, which could only mean- “You’re not serious are you?” Pansy didn’t respond and that was telling enough. “You’re completely serious, aren’t you?”

“Think about it!” Pansy’s hand practically burst forward to grip Rigel’s forearm. “You’re always talking about how similar you and Harry are, and we’re best friends! You can’t tell me you don’t think Harry and I would get along, can you?”

“Well, no, but…”

It was surprisingly tempting to just take Pansy up on her offer right away. Hadn’t she claimed when trying to sell the validity of the marriage contract between Harry and Archie that if she had to marry she wanted it to be someone she was comfortable with, someone already accustomed to her priorities and her lifestyle.  

If there was anyone other than Archie for whom that would be true it would be Pansy or Draco. And true her feelings toward the other two Slytherins had always been a deep bond of friendship rather than romantic but they were practically family already. And didn’t people say you should marry your best friend. Draco had made it very clear on multiple occasions that he completely bought into Riddle’s blood superiority, and as much as it hurt to admit, she couldn’t trust Draco with this. It was too important to risk.

But Pansy, she had never spoken out against the Party’s propaganda directly, true, but she had never spoken of Harry or her mother and sister with anything less than complete respect, and she had been open to learning more about the newest research on what affect the newness of blood actually had on one’s magic. For the first time, she really, truly wanted to let someone in on the ruse for more than just the convenience. She wanted Pansy to see her, to really see all of her and that was bloody terrifying.

On the other hand, there was just so much Pansy didn’t know. So much she couldn’t know without putting at risk everything she had ever claimed to want. How could Rigel ask her to jeopardize the social and parental esteem she had worked so hard to maintain. Or ask her to give up the list of marriage prospects she had been so satisfied with earning the last time she spoke of it. It was kind of her to offer, but they were Slytherins and she couldn’t very well ask her friend to give up her ambitions just to help her friend’s cousin. It was too big an ask.

She was honestly surprised Pansy would even suggest something that major, that went against everything she had been raised into unless… well, she could just ask.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t remember Harry being on your shortlist, Pan. And do you really want to go against Riddle’s wishes so publically?”

Pansy’s eyes flashed. “My preferences are apparently no longer of consequence. My father wrote to tell me that Lord Riddle,” here the name was practically hissed through her teeth, “would prefer that I marry Daphne Greengrass.” The other girl took a deep, calming breath, releasing the broken chalk she had clearly forgotten she was holding.

“No, Riddle does not get to come into my life, and ruin years of hard work and then expect me to follow along like a sheep. I’m not going to knowingly sentence myself to a lifetime of misery with Daphne Greengrass when I have other options. I don’t know your cousin well, but I do know you, and I trust your judgement, Rye. If you think that Harry and I would get along and would be able to work together for both our ends, then that sounds like my best option, and I’d ask that you communicate that to Harry for me.” And with a look on her face like she had surprised herself with her own sudden vehemence, Pansy turned the floor back over to Rigel. Once again, it was all on Rigel to decide the path of her future, and she really ought to have been an old hat at that by now, but somehow it was still utterly terrifying to meet Pansy’s eyes and say something she had never thought she would.

“Before I say anything to my cousin, Pan, I think there’s really something you should know…”

 And so, it began.

[xathia-89]

“Please, don’t go.”

This contains major spoilers as an alternative route to Luca’s romantic ending. Also highly NSFW though it’s all very floofy too. Please enjoy. 

@cyikemen

My mind was reeling. Luca had pushed me away, stating that I couldn’t possibly feel what I had confessed towards him. A bulging suitcase in hand, he made a final request. To forget him. I couldn’t stop the tears as the crashing weight of his words hit me. He’d lost all faith in me and everyone around us. He had lost the will to keep fighting just because he was the mayor’s son as I dropped to the floor and pulled my knees to my chest, hiding my face in my skirt as I couldn’t hold back anymore. His footsteps swiftly disappeared, leaving me alone with my thoughts and the growing darkness of the world.

The glimmer of my glass ring caught my eye. It sparkled so prettily, it looked so captivating. But it was just as false as his feelings it appeared. I tore it off my finger and threw it across the room, screaming at the clattering costume jewelry as it bounced off the wall and hit the floor. The glass was cracked, I had used all of my anger to fling it and now I was left with an empty feeling inside my chest.

I managed to drag myself back to Cromwell manor at some point, avoiding Harry and Ryan as I was still processing that the night before had apparently now meant nothing to Luca. The night had been fitful at best, drifting in and out of light sleep and my pillow was soaked with my tears.

The morning sun broke the unfortunate news that it hadn’t all just been a dream. And then Harry storming my room was the most out of character thing yet, especially since he was just in a shirt and trousers. I had never seen him so emotionally undone or in such a state of ‘undress’ for the man.

“Saskia,” his voice was hitched, making my eyes wide. “You have to come with me right now.”

There was no room for any kind of argument as I immediately threw my dressing gown around my nightwear before swiftly following Harry back to his room. Any staff who saw us would have raised eyebrows and start gossiping, but that was the least of my worries right now.

Maria was hopping about inside her cage. The little canary chirping away happily at the attention as the realisation hit us both in the gut. Luca was leaving Laurelia for good. He had no intentions of staying if he left Maria with Harry.

Harry had spent most of the night looking for the jack of all trades, and on his return to the manor a maid had delivered the message that Luca had left Maria for Harry to look after. My stomach was sinking faster than a rock in water.

“He’s really left the city,” I murmured, trying to keep my knees steady to hold my weight before realising that Harry was helping me to sit down on the sofa in his room. Maria’s chirp reminded me of the night after visiting the casino, when Luca had sung in such a clear voice and it was making my tears threaten to fall again. I was biting my lip as Harry placed both his hands on my shoulders, bringing him to my attention. I must have looked a sight with so little sleep and puffy, red eyes brimming with tears.

“Are you going to give up on him?” Harry’s words brought a shock to me. I couldn’t ignore what he had told me, the way he had reacted to me the previous night. He hated the way that people targeted him because of who he was rather than anything he fought or worked for. He believed that no one liked him at all for who he was.

I couldn’t just not try one last time as I shook my head.

“There’s no way that Luca left this city because he wanted to,” Harry smiled. It caught me off guard, he had stout beliefs that his friend wouldn’t do this and it made me want to try just one more time. “We will get him back.” His promise was innocent and resolut. Luca hadn’t said those things because he believed them, he said them so I would move on instead of being hurt by everything going on.

I wiped my tears away, trying to find a smile as my breathing calmed down from the near hysterics I had managed to work myself up to. I wasn’t the only person hurt here, Harry had lost his best friend just as I had lost my boyfriend. Harry was explaining that there hadn’t been any trace at Luca’s apartment of his intended whereabouts, which left us with little to go on. We must have just missed each other if Harry had gone, and then with Luca dropping Maria off as well. It was so chaotic even in my head. We could have all crossed paths so many times over, but somehow we didn’t.

I managed to stop crying finally, and Harry passed me some tissues to wipe up the excess before giving me a soft smile.

“Let’s get going now.”

“Going? Going where? You just said we have no leads,” I asked, confusion painted all over my face.

“We’re going to use our secret weapon.”

***

The day had dragged. Our secret weapon had turned out to be going to see Pastor Chris in his church. He wore a kind and warm front, then Harry had stepped in and said it was a job for him and the facade was immediately dropped.  Then he finished with a joke about selling me in marriage to the highest bidder before saying he’d have an answer on Luca’s whereabouts by evening.

I was pacing impatiently in my room. I had been on edge all day, and I wasn’t sure what I was running on exactly. I had barely slept or ate, and I only drank enough to stop my mouth from going dry. My suitcase was ready to go, I had packed the essentials so I could leave the second we knew of Luca’s whereabouts.

Then Harry burst through the door.

“Saskia! We know where Luca is!”

A telegram was thrust into my hand with just two words on it. East Howardstown. My hometown more importantly. I frowned, Luca had never mentioned knowing anyone from there but before I could ask Harry any questions, he already had an answer for me. “You can ask him yourself,” he said gently. “But you must remember that Luca has been exiled, so being reunited with him won’t mean that he can return to this city, and if you follow him then the same can be said for yourself.”

It was a heavy thought. What if Luca meant every word he said about not believing me? And that he didn’t love me? I wouldn’t be able to return until Luca had been proven innocent regardless of his feelings.

“I will obviously stay here and work to overturn his sentence,” Harry nodded as I was hesitant in my resolution. My doubts were starting to plague me but I merely smiled and nodded at the blond male. If nothing else I would just have to try.

I should be able to catch the last train if I hurry.

A familiar voice stopped me in the hallway as I was rushing to leave.

“Saskia!”

Ryan was waiting for me in front of the door, a smile cracking across my face to see him as we gravitated naturally towards each other.

“Harry told me everything. You’re going to find Luca?”

There was a hitch in his voice, a tinge to his features as we faced each other. His eyes momentarily dipped to my suitcase before looking into me. He’d always been here, he’d sheltered me and made me an unofficial family member whilst I was working at the Blue Bell. It made my heart twinge to see him look so desperate.

“You realise that you’ll be labelled as an outcast by going after him?” He asked me again, there was something pulling at me. His fingers stroked at my cheek softly, my eyes still puffy from all the tears I had spilled. “I can’t forgive a man who makes you cry. No matter what the reason,” his voice was set in stone as I tilted my head in confusion at him. He had spent so much time working to prove Luca’s innocence, and now he was saying that he would never forgive him because he made me cry. His touch was making my skin burn in a way that I hadn’t felt better, even through the gloves he was wearing. His gaze was intense, and I could feel my heart threatening to break free of my ribs under it. “It’s not just that either…” There was a heavy pause before I was pulled into his arms, my suitcase clunking against the floor loudly. I was feeling hot at any point of bodily contact and his gaze was making me flustered in such close quarters. My breath was hitched in my throat as his green eyes were sucking me in completely. I was going to drown in them. “Do you think Luca is the only one who thinks you’re special?” His voice was a murmur, there was no need for him to be any louder for me to hear him. “Don’t go, Saskia. Please.” His tone was turning my legs to jelly. I could barely think as our lips were millimeters apart, and he was desperate. I knew that much. I could feel his pounding heart against my chest.

His lips were as smooth as his smile, one hand sliding up my back to cradle me against him as we couldn’t seem to stop. We staggered back into the wall, my suitcase forgotten and discarded as I was clinging onto his jacket for some kind of grounding. I couldn’t get enough as my arms ended up around his neck, while we were constantly pulling each other back in for another kiss.

“Please, don’t go,” his voice was heavy before I could kiss him again. I needed to let him know, as his tongue slipped back into my mouth, coaxing all of the emotion that I had kept repressed out. The noises I was making were sinful before Ryan could stop himself for long enough to see if anyone had heard me.

“I’m not going,” I whispered.

It was the first time I’d seen the head of the Cromwell house caught off guard. His eyes widened with shock, and then I swore my lips were going to be burnt off. How he had managed to keep a lid on these sorts of feelings was insane.

“I’m about to do everything against the etiquette book,” Ryan could barely keep his lips off me. “I need you. Can you stay with me tonight, please?” His voice was raspy, a new low of desperation before capturing my lips again.

“Yes,” it was the word that broke the aristocrat. I was picked up in his arms, I could feel his heart pounding in his chest and I already knew that sleep was the last thing on our agenda for the evening.

***

The mid-morning sun was peeking through a gap in the curtain as I lifted my head off the pillow, confused about the change of scenery. Then a flush burned through my cheeks as the memories of the previous night began to filter through my sleep addled brain. I ran my fingers through my hair whilst keeping the sheets against me and shielding my naked body from the world.

“Saskia?” Ryan stuck his head in at the sound of the bed creaking while I was rubbing the sleep from my eyes and going to get some form of clothing on.

“Oh, Ryan,” I blushed much to his enjoyment as he shut the door behind him, and kissed me on the forehead after crossing to the bed. “I didn’t cause too many problems with work, did I?” I frowned, realising this was the first time I had seen him still at the manor this late in the day.

“Nothing that can’t be sorted later,” he soothed, before tilting my jaw up to slowly kiss me. His hands starting to tangle in my hair as we couldn’t stop. Each kiss was heating me up, I was craving his touch already and just having the sheet between us was too much.

“Ryan,” I moaned as his lips began to trail down my neck. “Please,” was all I was able to whimper out as I started to undo his waistcoat.

“You’re impossible to resist,” his voice was low. “I’m going to show you how dear you are to me,” he was already helping me undress him, carelessly tossing his tie and shirt to the floor before I was pinned back to the bed.

His kiss was all consuming, the sheet flung aside as though it was offensive to us before his arms were under my back and arching my chest into him.

His fingers were nimble, sliding up my back and then down again as though to memorise how I felt. My moans were being swallowed eagerly, clearly any noise that I made was for him to hear alone this morning. I didn’t want to think of who heard us last night, but my mind was already beginning to lose the focus outside of how Ryan was making me feel.

Two fingers teased at my slit and pussy, before I felt the ghosting touch of his thumb over my clit. His mouth swallowed my gasp, demanding my attention as his tongue slid against mine, my head tilting back to allow him more access as the briefest slip in and outs of his fingers made me whine.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to leave you wanting princess,” Ryan’s whisper was lilted with a chuckle as I felt his cock press slowly into my core. “I’m just going to take my time this morning, and show you how much I love you,” he promised, his breath hot on my ear before I wrapped my legs around his hips, eagerly sinking all of his length into me. “You feel so good,” he breathed, slowly working his hips.

He was in no hurry, he was more interested in changing the angle and the length of his thrusts to see what was more pleasurable for me. His fingers were always teasing, my nipples and clit were the obvious targets, but he liked to touch me all over. Pulling on my ear lobes, and then tracing over my lips. It had caught him off guard when I wrapped my tongue around the tip of his digit, and it made him glaze over. The hunger in his eyes set a new pace, his other hand digging into my hip enough that I knew would add to the sets from last night before his teeth were grazing the crook of my neck. There was going to be another red mark I would never be able to hide, mostly likely completely intentional as I threw my head back. My hand slipped between us, pushing and grinding down on my clit as my climax was suddenly looming.

My whole body was plunged into bliss. Pleasure was ringing throughout me as I vaguely heard my name sharply called. It was nothing like I could remember feeling before I slowly came back.

Ryan’s head was resting on my chest, getting his breath back as I realised that my legs were still locked around his hips and largely preventing him from moving.

He looked startled and threw the sheets over us in time before the door was opened by Harry. Who then proceeded to stare at us both before the faintest of blushes appeared over his cheeks, and muttered something before promptly leaving again.

My giggling was instant.

“You know when he’s going to open the door?” I asked as we finally disentangled ourselves.

“I recognise his footsteps when I’m doing something I’m not meant to be,” he replied, kissing me on the forehead before standing up to get dressed again. “Take your time and get sorted, I’ll take you out for lunch so the maids can have their gossiping time out of our hearing range.”

[musiciatee]

Every writer feels they have a weakness/weak area. What do you think yours is and how are you working to change it? Do you have a writing sample that shows you tackling it head on?

so i think one aspect of my writing I know I can rely on is dialogue? most of my WIPs are just strings of dialogue, but it’s filling up the space with descriptions of actions, events, and setting that tend to really trip me up to be honest. I tend to use the same phrases to describe characters’ actions and there’s a lot of repetition lmao. Although, I think a lot of that could probably be solved if I just started editing?? like, i’m so bad at being patient and after working on a chapter i just wanna get it out there immediately and i get sick of looking at it so i don’t read through. So i think i just need to start forcing myself to edit.

i think my harry potter fic is really helping me to navigate the process though, ‘cause i’m writing from three different characters’ points of view and sometimes i’m featuring the same event/meeting from different PoVs so I have to be really conscious about making it seem familiar but not identical you know?

they’re typically separated out in different chapters to make the shift a little more natural feeling in terms of the narration, but here’s a little blurb from elia’s point of view and then sherine’s point of view of the first two chapters or so! it’s super not done but just to give an idea of what i’m trying to do judge me gently

The bustle of September 1st was a familiar and nostalgic scene despite the fact that Elia had only done it a year ago. She had made quick work of slipping past the barrier and was met by several familiar faces.

She continued her way through the throngs of people, stopping once in a while to greet several people she had known during her time at school. Just as soon as she spotted a gaggle of bright red hair, in her distraction, she violently collided with a tall man’s shoulder and was whipped around by the forceful action. An apology died on the tip of her tongue when she realized who she had walked into.

“You would do well to watch yourself, Potter.” A haughty, derisive voice spat at her.

She did nothing to hold back her audible groan.

Farzad Shafiq was, quite simply put, a huge pain in her ass. Being in the same house and same year had insured that they saw an unhealthy amount of each other during the seven long years of their education.

“Oh, but you know how terrible my eyesight is, Shafiq. I wouldn’t do well watching anything.” She responded with a tone of faux-pleasantry.

A little muffled giggle attracted her attention almost immediately. She looked down to spot a smartly dressed eleven year old. Elia had to contain her urge to roll her eyes at pureblood socialites and their absolute need to flaunt their money around. The girl was a child and yet she was dressed in robes that were so professional she would look right at home among senior secretaries at the Ministry.

“Oh! I didn’t know Baby Shafiq was heading to Hogwarts this year, you never mentioned that.” She said conversationally before turning her attention to the girl. “Expecting to be sorted into Slytherin then, eh?”

The girl notched a brow up as though the question was obvious, “Well, where else would I be sorted?” She asked, her accent sharp and clean, but her attitude surprisingly fresh for a family so strictly stuck up.

“Well, there are three other houses.” She said, mimicking the girls matter-of-fact tone.

“And yet you were also sorted into Slytherin, so… I’m not quite sure what you’re trying to push…” The girl trailed off and left Elia blinking.

“Come, Sherine. Enough consorting with… the likes of Potter. You need to get on the train early enough to get a good compartment.”

Elia rolled her eyes at his lazy insult and simply looked down at the girl thoughtfully before a sly grin made its way onto her lips. “Sherine, eh? Well, good luck. Stay on Snape’s good side. Mingle with other houses. Mind the staircases. And muggleborns aren’t what they tell you they are.” She winked before the older Shafiq pushed his sister away from Elia, a furious glare on his face. Before he could turn her around though, Elia spotted a thoughtful look on the girl’s face, as though she were contemplating the words that were just spoken to her.

Win.

“Mama and Baba aren’t coming, are they?” Sherine’s disappointment was palpable as she glanced up at her older brother before turning her attention back to pushing her cart. She kept her eyes forward, taking in the busy bustle of the platform as she waited for several moments before his deep voice broke the silence between them.

“Mother has a meeting with the Wives’ Coalition and you know Father has work.”

Yeah, she knew he had work, but… his youngest and only daughter was finally headed to Hogwarts. Wasn’t this worth asking someone else to fill in? It wasn’t like they didn’t have other people who could present a case before the Wizengamot. And as for her mother? Well, Sherine had long given up hope that her mom would be able to prioritize event appropriately.

“So you got stuck with babysitting?” She asked, her bitterness seeping into her question.

Farzad looked at her apathetically for a split second of a moment before his gaze softened and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Come now, Sherine. You’re headed to Hogwarts, you’ve been dreaming of this for what seems like forev-” He was abruptly cut off by someone walking into him.

As he stumbled back, he dragged Sherine along with him. She kept a tight grip on the carriage so that her luggage wouldn’t go rolling away from her.

Her brother seemed to recognize who ran into him almost immediately. “You would do well to watch yourself, Potter.” He spat, taking in the appearance of the raggedy looking girl. Sherine’s eyes widened in interest.

Her brother had only ever despised one person and it had been Elia Potter, although she had a strong suspicion it was because the girl always came ahead of him in academics than anything else.

“Oh, but you know how terrible my eyesight is, Shafiq. I wouldn’t do well watching anything.” Came the immediate and sharp reply disguised in a sweet, cheery delivery.

It caught her off guard. Most people tended to speak to her brother with tones of respect and apprehension. This was perhaps the first time she had heard anyone who wasn’t related to them speak to Farzad is such a flippant, nonchalant tone. Sherine let out a giggle, but was quick to stifle the sound by pressing her lips hard together. She kept her gaze down as she felt her brother stare down at her with irritation for having laughed at the young woman’s retort.

“Oh! I didn’t know Baby Shafiq was heading to Hogwarts this year, you never mentioned that.” The woman’s attention had been drawn down to her, and Sherine could only lift her chin up in response to the recognition.

“Expecting to be sorted into Slytherin then, eh?” Came the woman’s question.

Sherine delicately raised an eyebrow, just as she had seen her mother do countless times before.

If someone asks a stupid question, do not humour them with anything but a look. That should be more than enough of an answer they deserve, she would say.

Pursing her lips, Sherine gave her answer, despite her mother’s advice. Her tone making it clear that she thought the question was a silly one. “Well, where else would I be sorted?”

“Well, there are three other houses.” Potter answered, as though presenting novel information. Sherine bristled slightly at the tone the woman used. It was… patronizing.

She didn’t like being patronized.

“And yet you were also sorted into Slytherin, so… I’m not quite sure what you’re trying to push…”

She was quite proud to find that the older girl seemed stunned by her answer. It wasn’t a particularly revolutionary comeback. It was simple, it laid out the facts and simply pointed out silliness of the question that had elicited it. The perfect comeback always pointed out the flaw in the other person’s argument.

Farzad seemed to have enough of the conversation. “Come, Sherine. Enough consorting with… the likes of Potter.” He said, scrunching his nose as though a terrible smell had wafted over to him. “You need to get on the train early enough to get a good compartment.” He said, placing a hand on her shoulder and beginning to coax her forward.

“Sherine, eh?” Came Potter’s voice once more. Sherine looked at Potter curiously, waiting for what it was that she had to say. “Well, good luck. Stay on Snape’s good side. Mingle with other houses. And muggleborns aren’t what they tell you they are.”

She could only blink as her brain tried to process all the pieces of advice that the girl spouted out at her. It had been the last one that made her pause.

Muggleborns aren’t what they tell you they are…

Farzad shoved her, startling her out of her thoughts before throwing a dirty look over his shoulder. The damage had been done though, the words were out there and swirling ravenously in her mind. Sherine always had been one to resent being told what to do and what to think. It drove her parents insane… the whole thing with muggles hadn’t been something she questioned though. It was just how things were… 

It seemed like things were a little more complicated than she thought, though.

[princessesofauradon]

Lana: Isle vs Auradon

a/n yes it is I, Bianca, aka @darlingsteveharrington , back from the dead and ready to write for Descendants again. So I posted these a while back and I have since revamped them and I am so much happier with these. My babies have been reborn!!!! I’m so happy to be writing for them again I missed them so much anywho (also requests anyone?)

also shoutout to @askhaylieooc I saw your ask and I have no clue what happened but it’s not there anymore :( I did see it though and thank you 1000 times over for showing interest in my OC's and inadvertently helping me start writing for them again <3

Lana on the Isle

All through her childhood Lana never once stepped foot on the Isle. She was raised in the Underworld by her father. The closest she ever got to it was her father’s restaurant and even that place was nothing compared to what was outside its walls. Her mother died on the Isle of the Lost and, despite what most people thought about him, Hades was almost overprotective of Lana.

She has on occasion visited Mount Olympus though. It was always when there was a meeting of the Gods. Her father, being the God of the Underworld, was invited to them (albeit a little reluctantly). The Gods were different than the people down on Auradon. Staging a failed coup wasn’t the worst thing one of them had done and so they always greeted Lana with open arms. It was during one of those visits when she met Kellan wandering around the gardens.

That was the first time Lana had had a living friend. A few days later Yen Sid delivered a letter to the restaurant. Kellan had sent it to her from Auradon. They exchanged letters back and forth and Yen Sid soon became her designated messenger, not that he minded much.

Hades was quite possibly the only parent on the Isle who genuinely cared about his kid. He had a temper, for sure. More times than one he banished people’s souls but still, that was tame compared to some of the more…spirited villains. It was part of the reason why Hades had avoided sending her to both Dragon Hall and Serpent Prep. Instead, he sent her to Elysium three times a week to be taught by some of the better ancient philosophers. “C’mon Lana, who doesn’t want to be taught by some dead guy who everyone thinks is so great”

Hades actually tried to talk Lana out of finally heading up to the Isle. “Lana, those people are crazy. Trust me, you don’t want to be around them” “Can’t be any crazier than the ones down here” After a lot of arguing Lana finally convinced him to let her see the Isle. They compromised and he armed her with a dagger that was said to be able to rip the soul straight out of your body.

Lana was a bit of an urban legend around the Isle so there was a lot of talk when she finally left the Underworld. Mal and Jay were the first ones to approach her. “It’d be in your best interest to fall in line with us. I’ll even teach you everything you have to know about his place personally” “Sorry, I don’t fall in line very well”

That day she went to Yen Sid to pick up her letter and that was when she was approached again. “Your Hades’ kid?” “Who’s asking?” “He came to the Chip Shop a few days ago and told us you’d be heading up soon. Recommended we take you under our wing” “Did he? And who might you be?” “Uma”

Uma and her pirate crew adopted Lana almost immediately. They called her ‘the purest thing on the Isle’. Lana hadn’t been exposed to enough of the chaos to become as corrupted as the rest of them and it had made her more than a little naive. She was trained to defend herself by Uma’s best, Harry and Gil.

It wasn’t long before she ran into Evie in the markets. Lana caught her trying to take some fabric from one of the little shops. “You really should get better at that, you know” They talked for hours and eventually somehow ended up in Evie’s castle looking at all her designs. They exchange some scraps they had gotten ahold of and at the end of the night they’ve successfully made each other a new outfit. Lana becomes almost as close with Evie as she was with Uma and the crew.

Lana told Evie about her single encounter with Mal and she laughed. Ultimately she did convince Lana to talk to her one more time to try and fix things. Reluctantly, Lana followed Evie to Mal’s loft and although she didn’t think she was the best, at least they were on speaking terms. Jay she thinks is pretty okay. Besides Evie, Carlos is her favorite.

She watches him tinker with whatever objects he can find. Eventually, she develops a habit of stealing items from the pile of things that had been confiscated from the new souls. She takes whatever she thinks Carlos will like and gives them to him. They have a lot of surprisingly meaningful talks late at night as he’s messing with whatever object she’s brought him.

The more time Lana spent up on the Isle, the more she realized why everybody, didn’t matter where they were from, looked towards Auradon with longing. It was just out of arms reach, taunting them every single day and she too grew tired of it quickly.

Two guards, each with the symbol of the palace, found Lana one day and handed her two letters. She recognized the one from Kellan and opened it immediately. You’re going to love it here, Lana. I convinced Ben to let you come along and I’m already making a list of everything you have to see first. Lana protested going to Auradon all the way back to the Chip Shop.

“There’s no way I’m going off to Auradon while all of you stay here” “You’re going Lana” “No I’m not. Good luck making me” “You can’t just turn down the prince of Auradon” “I can and I will” “No you won’t” “I’m not leaving you all behind. You’re all more deserving of that place than I am” “Then go and you can help get us there next”

It took hours of convincing before Lana agreed to consider going. She went back to the Underworld to talk to her dad about it. She was more than a little surprised by his answer. “Take the chance to leave while they’re giving it to you” “But what about you?” “I’m gonna be fine, Lana. Besides I got Cerberus to keep me company”

Lana watched the Isle disappear from the back window, almost melancholy.

Lana in Auradon

Lana’s foul mood disappeared quickly once she saw Auradon up close for the first time. She stepped out of the limo that was sent to pick them up and immediately more whispers started. Everybody had a good feeling about who she was for two reasons. One, she was obviously not completely human: the children of the Gods were always exceptionally radiant in a way no one could quite put their finger on. Two, Kellan hadn’t stopped talking about her.

Kellan wasted no time in rushing through everybody, running past Ben and Audrey (almost knocking over Fairy Godmother in the process) and practically tackling Lana as he shouted her name repeatedly. The two of them talk animatedly back and forth for a few minutes, not paying any attention at all to what Ben is saying. It’s not until he clears his throat, telling them he’s about to start the tour that they pay him any attention. Kellan literally begs Ben to let him take Lana. “Come on, babe! I promise I’ll bring her to you in one piece later. (Ben agrees, mostly because he is almost incapable of saying no to him)

Lana takes to Auradon immediately. By the end of the day, she’s caught on to plenty of things and talking to dozens of people. She even talked to Chad for a while, whether it was completely civil is up for debate. As promised, Kellan takes Lana to Ben and needless to say she had a lot of things to say to him. Ben had never been so intrigued by somebody the way he was with Lana at that moment.

It doesn’t take very long for Fairy Godmother to realize that Lana is way ahead of the others academically. “Please, the schools on the Isle are a joke. Maybe if you spent more time trying to educate people other than the royal kids we would have genuinely reformed villains kids” Her constant remarks are what land her in Remedial Goodness 101 with Evie, Carlos, Jay, and Mal.

Lana spends a lot of time learning the politics of everything and what the best way to get her friends off the Isle would be. She asks Ben a lot of questions, after all, who better to ask than the future king? More than a few times she’s been found sitting where ever faces the Isle, a guilt-ridden look on her face.

Lana quickly becomes a huge fan of tourney. Kellan drags her to practice one day and she gets probably way too into it. After one practice Kellan offers to show her the ropes and she quickly finds out she’s terrible at it. Nonetheless, she still enjoys watching and a couple Friday nights later she starts getting way too into the games.

After Jay, Carlos, Evie, and Mal get a call with their parents Lana gets one with her dad. They spend a good hour or two talking and only stop when Kellan joins them. “Oh hey Uncle Hades” “Kid, I’m not your uncle” “You kind of are though”

The longer she spends in Auradon, the better Lana gets at hiding how mischievous she really is. She’s able to talk her way out of whatever trouble she gets into. Usually anyway. Ben is the only one she just can’t seem to convince and it drives her insane.

Speaking of, she hates the fact that Mal opted to use a love potion on him. True love is a big concept on Auradon and although Lana didn’t quite believe in it herself it wasn’t fair to be manipulating it. It causes a huge rift in her already rocky friendship with Mal. “Oh come on, your dad is a villain just like our parents. Don’t act like you don’t want what we do” “Of course I do but manipulating somebody into thinking they love you just to use them to do your bidding is terrible on a whole other level!”

She may not agree with Mal’s method but she still takes her side after the whole incident on family day. Lana was easily the one who had fit in on Auradon the fastest and easiest. Her father had been declared a villain and so that made her a villain’s kid, despite people’s opinions that she ‘didn’t count’.

Later that day is the first time Lana’s hair turns to flames. Some snide comments from more than a few people set her off. She starts screaming profanities, her eyes go dark, and her hair turns to blue flames. She ends up being dragged away from the scene by Jay. It takes close to four hours for the flames to die down.

She has to be carefully guarded until everything dies down. It means Kellan gets into a lot of fights that week. At one point it’s the about the twelfth time he’s late to class and Lana has had enough. “What do you think you’re doing?” “I’m defending you” “I can handle myself, thank you very much” “Yeah well it’s been proven that you’re scary when you’re angry so trust me, getting punched by me is the better option”

Evie requests Lana’s help in getting their coronation outfits ready and the two of them have the time of their lives. One conversation leads to another and somehow they decide to create their own label if all goes well.

Lana’s thrown off by the entire coronation. She quickly comes to the realization that she doesn’t like the spotlight. A lot of her time is spent beside her family who all came down just for Ben’s coronation. She spends it mainly with Persephone, who reminds her of a lot of home and her father.

She’s a little bit surprised after the whole fiasco that happened at the coronation. But she can’t deny that the second Maleficent shows up she begins plotting how to get her friends off of the Isle. Her attention is taken, however, by Mal insisting that she wants to change. If she’s honest, she had no idea that was going to happen. But still, she helps defeat Maleficent and watches as everybody comes to again. “What was that?” “That was me taking into account what you said. Turns out you were right, Lana”

Lana and Evie offer to make Adelaide and Eva outfits for some event they both have to go to and they love them. Soon the two of them are getting commissions from most of the girls in school. They send Kellan and Jay on runs to get more materials for them and they quickly establish a system that works near perfectly.

Two months after the coronation Lana starts spending a suspicious amount of time with Ben. Suspicious in the sense that he always seems to be around, whether it’s while she’s hiding in Kellan’s room or running into him in the most random of places.

It works to her advantage eventually. Even as time passes she doesn’t forget about trying to get her friends off of the Isle of the Lost. She has her fair share of arguments with Ben about laws and proclamations and such. “It’s not as simple as you make it seem” “Isn’t it though? I’ve been through countless pages of documents and there’s not much standing in your way. You’re the King of Auradon, Ben!” “You are insufferable you know that?” “Likewise”

There is so much tension between the two of them and everybody starts noticing it. It isn’t until a conversation Lana has with Mal one day that she realizes it herself though. “You know even while under that love spell, which is one of the most powerful, mind you, Ben always found a way to bring you up” “No he didn’t” “Oh I can assure you, he did”

Lana is the most stubborn person and so the next day she very begrudgingly asks Ben if he wants to go to some postseason party Kellan is throwing with her because “everyone says we have tension and I kind of think they’re right so here I am embarrassing myself and I get-” “It took you long enough” They’re officially dating the next morning.

Lana finally draws up a proposal that both Ben and his committee agree on and not even a week later Uma, Harry, Gil, and the rest of the crew are on Auradon. She is so excited and literally will not leave them alone. It’s then that she understands Kellan’s enthusiasm when she first arrived. “Lana that’s the fourth bathroom you’ve shown us, I think we’re okay for now”

Exactly a day later she’s causing trouble with them again and it’s like she never left them. Lana also may or may not have gotten a little emotional. “You said you’d get us here and you did” “How could I possibly leave you guys behind?”

[oneboxofmatches]

If it isn't to much trouble may i have (male) harry potter romantic maruaders era matchup please. My pronouns are she/her. Im a Capricorn, my Mbti type is infj-a/infj-t. My hogwarts house is Hufflepuff. I tend to be shy around new people but I can be somewhat loud with people who im close to. I have medium length brown hair, green eyes i wear black glasses,pale skin and a lot of freckles. My height is 5'0. My aesthetic would be cottegecore/grunge fairycore mixed with oversized sweaters. Im not very athletic and im not a big fan of sports but i love to go roller and ice skating. I also love to read books and to also cook and bake food. I also like to garden. I've been playing the violin for 6 years. I love animals and im planing on becoming a wildlife veterinarian. I like to Watch nature/animal documentaries. I also like sweets. Some things i dislike are people who bend or ruin my books and people who speak over me when im trying to talk. I like "cozy" video games like stardew valley,Minecraft,animal crossing, the sims. Im not a big fan of fighting games especially shooter games but i do like specific fighting games like genshin impact and legend of zelda. I love music, I can listen to any genre and like it but my favorites are indie,bedroom pop and classic rock. sorry if i spelt anything wrong. Hope im not bothering you :)

This wasn’t any trouble at all! In fact, this was amazingly fun to make and I honestly hope it isn’t too long haha. Hope you enjoy!!

I pair you with…

YOUNG! SEVERUS SNAPE

In the beginning stages of your relationship, trust me when I say patience is key. As distant as Severus will initially come across, he really does care for you. His fortified walls and insane trust issues won’t disappear overnight, but you will see progress in time.

In fact, you probably approached him first. You may have noticed that he typically kept to himself and would always sit alone while studying outside on the grounds. You decided to approach him during one of these study sessions, not necessarily wanting to interrupt but simply wanting to ensure he wasn’t lonely.

Needless to say, the first conversation didn’t all of a sudden turn Severus into a friendly individual. He most likely snapped at you, muttering something about being left in peace.

While you probably left him alone that day, nothing stopped you from returning the next time Severus settled down to study. Knowing that too many words would get you nowhere, you settled for a simple greeting before pulling out a book to read in silence while sitting near him.

Severus was annoyed but surprisingly didn’t say anything. Because you weren’t necessarily huge on talking too much around people you aren’t familiar with, he quickly found he really didn’t mind you all that much (though he would certainly say otherwise if asked).

No, the two of you didn’t sit in silence for the rest of your days, but it probably took months of small conversations here and there for either of you to become more comfortable with the other (book recommendations were one of the earliest sources of friendlier chats).

He especially appreciates your calm and more laidback side.

But it isn’t until Severus is intently listening to you (studying materials and books set aside, which is a HUGE deal for him) talk about your interests in things such as cooking/baking, gardening, playing the violin, and animals and realizing he actually cares that he realizes he’s fallen for you.

Honestly, this might cause him to backtrack a little. In his mind, trust is a fool’s game and he isn’t sure he wants to play it.

But when he finally asks you out (and it should be him, because if a decision as big as this one isn’t on his terms, he isn’t as likely to agree with it), for some reason -- against all he thought he believed -- it feels right to let his guard down a little around you.

Don’t get me wrong, his walls don’t falter around other students. But with you, the smallest of smiles and even laughter comes much easier. For Severus, it feels like he’s in a bubble separated from the rest of the world whenever he’s with you.

For instance, when you two find yourselves reading at opposite ends of a couch or across the table from one another, Severus always glances up every few minutes just to watch you.

Also, waving and/or smiling at him from across a room (when you’re eating in the dining hall, for instance) melts his heart and is undoubtedly one of the only sure ways you can get him to blush.

Your relationship could either get Severus to start seeing people as more than annoyances or, more than likely, nothing will change in that regard. Either way, he’ll always see you as an exception to what the world has to offer, but I find it more likely that he would continue to distrust others unless you address him directly on this behavior.

Overall, it’s nearly impossible to get Severus to open up -- let alone enter a relationship with him -- but if anyone can do it, it’s you. The entire process takes patience (even after the relationship begins), but it’s undeniable that he would care for you more than he ever has for anyone else if you’d choose to undergo this journey. You have the potential to adjust his outlook on things, as well as change his life for the better.

[elletromil]

Stop haunting me

So yeah, because I can, I wrote a remix of one of my own fics I’m not calling you a ghost. Except for being a remix of that fic, they’re not really linked since the first one was written before we even knew we would get a sequel and this one has been writen after I saw the trailer for the sequel.

Of course we don't know yet what's up with Harry in the sequel, but I wrote this under the assumption that wherever Harry is, he's being held captive by Poppy. That's pretty much what you need to know.

Thank you to @insanereddragon for putting up with my freaking out about this fic today. tagging a few people I think would like the story @liprouvaire @bouncybrittonie @agentdagonet @dianyx @yoshifics @agent-eggy @lady-mephistopheles @trekkiepirate @hartwinorlose @awesomehartwintrash

Stop haunting me

Harry wakes up in a infirmary bed, feeling extremely sore. His body protests painfully when he tries to move and he abandons the idea quickly.

He’s confused as to his change of location, wonders why he isn’t in his padded cell anymore. Knows better than to believe his recollection of the past few days, that he’s been saved from his imprisonment.

He’s been toyed with too many times before while being used as Poppy’s very own lab rat for her to experiment her drugs on. He simply cannot trust himself.

Oh, it’s a nice fantasy to think Eggsy has become a Knight, has taken up his mantel. That Merlin is still stubbornly alive and fighting to save the world. That they would find him after all this time and welcome him back like the prodigal son. But that’s just it. It’s a nice fantasy that he’s had too often.

Whatever this is, it’s simply another of Poppy’s mindgames.

Or he’s broken down for real, the damage of everything that has been done finally taking its toll, delusions and reality mashing together to create a world to Harry’s liking.

A world where he’s sharing an infirmary ward with Merlin, the man asleep in what looks like the most uncomfortable plastic chair in the world, and Eggsy, lying in another bed, his dear boy wrapped in one bandage too many but alive, his chest rising and falling in a calm rhythm in his sleep.

Yes. Maybe Harry is indeed crazy now.

But as he fights off sleep to stare at the images conjured by his tired mind, he thinks that maybe insanity isn’t so bad after all.

It’s pathetic, but it’s not like he has an ounce of dignity left in his old body. It was only a matter of time before he would give in completely.

*

He wakes up slightly less sore, but completely alone this time.

At least that is what he thinks until someone clears their throat rather pointedly at his side. He keeps forgetting that his peripheral vision isn’t the same now that he’s only got the one eye. Slowly he turns his head, fully expecting to see Poppy, looking down on him with her smug smile, but he couldn’t be further from the truth.

“Jack? What are you doing here?” For a short moment, he feels himself starting to panic. Could it be that Statesman is now working for the enemy? He knows very little of what happened to the world after he failed to stop Valentine, except that chaos must have erupted everywhere.

He would never have believed it if someone had told him Jack was a turncoat, but what does he know about anyone really? If anything from his earlier delusions is real, than Chester, a man he had been following for years had betrayed everything Kingsman stands for. If it is indeed true, if the old classist git is the reason why Harry was left for dead on a hot Kentucky pavement, he cannot say he is really that surprised. But it just goes to show you never know what someone will do when presented with an opportunity.

“I’m checking up on our patient, is what I’m doing. You scared the shit out of us when you collapsed, but from what the doctor told us, it’s a miracle you could even function with all the drugs in your system.” Jack pats his elbow with rather more force than should be necessary, but Harry welcomes the slight pain gladly. Things are more likely to be real if it hurts. “Well I say “told us” but it was more him yelling at us for not bringing you here as soon as we freed you from Poppy. Absinthe is a feisty little shit when he wants to, even scared Merlin.”

He perks up at Merlin’s mention, but doesn’t ask about him yet. It still feels too much like a trap and Harry isn’t a spy for nothing. Paranoia has been his first personality trait for well over twenty years now.

“What happened to Poppy?”

“Apprehended and ended over to the proper authorities. With Tequila posing as a guard until we can sniff out all her contacts who could orchestrate a prison break.”

The way he mentions Tequila, like Harry should know who that is when he had never even heard of the codename a week ago, that makes him think that maybe, just maybe, he hasn’t hallucinate the past few days. Or at least not everything.

Jack has mentioned Merlin, but said nothing of Eggsy. If his boy had been there, if he hadn’t been a figment of his tortured mind, the injuries he had seemed to have sustained would mean he would still be on bedrest, would still be here.

But he’s not.

“Where’s Merlin?” He might not be sure that everything has been real, but it’s time to take a few risks. Anyway, if he’s truly become crazy, he’ll have to tell someone.

“With everyone else, debriefing with Ginger. Something you’ll have to go through too, as soon as Absinthe clears you for even the light duty.”

Jack laughed at the face he must make over the news, but this time when he pats his elbow, Harry cannot suppress his wince.

“Ah, sorry, forgot it’s not just drugs, you’ve been caught in an explosion too. How are you feeling?”

He could lie, but he’s decided that until proven wrong, he could trust Jack. And while they aren’t friends in the same way him and Merlin are, the fact that they had been the two senior agents with the most successful rate in their respective branch had always given them the impression they had more in common then they knew.

“I feel like coming out of a very bad trip after being run over by a train.”

“Yeah, stupid question. I’d offer morphine, but the good doctor is rather against filling you up with more drugs at the moment.”

It’s not often that Harry agrees with medical staff, but that is definitely an order he won’t be contesting.

“You should get more rest, the debrief should take a while still, if mine was anything to go by.”

Harry doesn’t feel particularly sleepy, but that’s without counting on the cowboy songs Jack is singing under his breath that lulls him into a light sleep.

When he wakes up again, the only indication that any time has passed at all is the dim lightning simulating nighttime and Whiskey’s absence at his side.

Merlin hasn’t taken his place like he might have expected, but in the bed next to his, he can spot what is undeniably Eggsy’s form.

He’s still wrapped in bandages but he looks peaceful in his slumber and Harry would reach out to him if only he didn’t fear banishing the ghost when his fingers would only close on empty air.

Or worst, that they would brush warm skin and he couldn’t deny anymore that he had truly lost it. That even his sense of touch and pain couldn’t be relied on. That he would have to doubt even the reality of Jack and his cheesy songs of a man and his horse.

Because no matter how heart-wrenching that reality is, he knows that Eggsy couldn’t possibly be alive.

*

Harry wakes up with a stranger hovering over him and he doesn’t even think about it, just punch the bloke in the face, no matter how painful moving still is.

He knows he hasn’t hit as hard as he could once have, but the stranger is clearly caught by surprise and falls back on his arse, blinking comically as he processes exactly just what has happened.

Harry is about to try to get out of bed and just run, when he’s distracted by a carefree laugh he thought he would never hear again. Instead of fleeing, he finds himself frozen in place, staring at someone he knows cannot be there.

“Mr Hart, please calm down. You’re still in Statesman infirmary.” If Harry didn’t already know that Eggsy was only a figment of his imagination, the way the Statesman doctor seems to be completely ignoring him as he slowly gets back up on his feet would have finished convincing him. “I am sorry for the rude wake-up call. I’m Absinthe, the doctor who’s been tending to you since they brought you here.”

He shakes the offered hand, refusing to be ashamed for what was completely healthy instincts for a spy in unusual settings. If anything, the doctor looks pleased that his reflexes don’t seem to have been affected by whatever happened to him at Poppy’s hand.

He asks a few routine questions while he checks him over and Harry does his best not to stare at the hallucination who’s looking over the proceedings.

If the doctor notices his fixation on what is an empty bed to anyone who hasn’t lost their mind, he decides not to say anything about it yet.

After all, as Harry is kindly reminded, there are still a few drugs coursing through his veins, some of them no one has any idea of the effects since they were Poppy’s experiments.

Maybe Harry should tell him, but he doesn’t entirely trust the stranger yet. And if he is honest, even if it’s a waking dream conjured by his tortured mind, he finds unwilling to give Eggsy up.

All those months of captivity, he tried his best not to think of the boy he had so cruelly let down. He hadn’t want his memories to be tainted by Poppy.

But if he’s really saved, then he’s got nothing to lose keeping the fantasy to himself for a little longer.

If he’s  truly lost his sanity, time won’t change a thing.

And after everything he’s given, he feels like he deserves a bit of good, no matter how twisted it would seem to others.

The doctor leave him about half an hour later, Eggsy’s apparition now asleep in the bed next to him. He should probably do the same, follow Absinthe’s parting advice to get as much rest as possible, but even if he knows it’s only a figment of his imagination, there is something hypnotic in the slow rise and fall of Eggsy’s chest.

For all he knows, Eggsy might be long dead now or, if he did survived Valentine’s mad plan, he surely wouldn’t waste a second on Harry. But for now, for a precious moment in time, he’s alive and relatively well.

Without his noticing, Harry finds himself matching his own breathing on the young man’s and, before he knows it, loses his battle against sleep.

*

Eggsy is still in the bed next to him, but this time he’s sitting up and looking at him with what looks like impatience. His expression softens when he realises that Harry’s eyes are open, but his smile doesn’t entirely smooth out the wrinkles of worries Harry doesn’t remember him having.

“Finally awake? Can I come sit on your bed or are you going to punch me too?”

He shakes his head, not bothering to tell Eggsy he doubts his fist would connect with anything but air anyway since he’s only an illusion.

He would swear he feels the bed dip under Eggsy’s weight when he sits at his sides, but the ghost starts speaking before Harry can truly wonder about it.

“I’m so sorry Harry. I know you said it was okay, but I still feel like shit for not going back for you. Or insisting that Merlin did. It was just so crazy after V-Day, but it’s not really an excuse for making sure your were really… that you were… you know-”

“Dead?” he offers, not unkindly, when it’s clear Eggsy cannot say the word. Maybe he shouldn’t interact with the hallucination, but after years of talking to his dead dog to fill the silence in his big house, this isn’t so weird. At least, now he can pretend he’s actually holding a conversation. “I thought I was at the time, I can’t be mad for you thinking the same.”

In the early weeks of his captivity, Poppy had tried to provoke him into a rage, to persuade him that his friends had betrayed him and abandoned him.

But even weak has he had been, the horror of having ben ripped of his control in that church had made him determined not to be manipulated in any way again. Had made him reject all of Poppy’s suggestions and closed himself off to her. He dreads to think what would have happened to the little humanity he had left if he had failed.

His sanity is a small price to have paid in exchange of still being able to look at his own reflection.

Had Eggsy not been the ghost of his failures, he might have felt self-conscious about losing himself in the painful memories, but when he looks at him again, he’s only met with a sympathetic gaze. Which makes sense. Of course his hallucination would know all about his past ordeal and be understanding.

“Still, we should have done something.”

“Eggsy… Considering the way I treated you before I left, I wouldn’t blame you leaving me to rot even if you had known I was still alive.”

Lord knows Harry feels he deserves far worse for how he had acted back then, lashing out against Eggsy so he wouldn’t have to admit his own faults. He half expects Eggsy to agree with him, since he’s kind of talking to himself after all, but instead, he looks horrified.

“Do you.. Do you really think I would have done that? Is that what you really think of me?” He looks seconds away from being sick, his eyes even more betrayed than during their parting fight and for a moment, Harry can only stare, surprised.

Of course he doesn’t think Eggsy would have had it in him to be so petty, even if he had hated Harry with all his being. He’s proven time and time again that he’s got more compassion than the world deserves to be shown.

“No, of course not,” he reaches out to him, forgetting that he shouldn’t be able to touch im. But instead of empty air, his hand closes on a warm thigh and he knows in that moment that any hopes of salvation are gone. If he can interact physically with his fantasy, he’s way past the point of helping. “I know you would have found a way to save me, even if I didn’t deserve it. Which makes me regret even more never apologizing to you.”

That’s what he should have told Eggsy before leaving his house, instead of that shite about fixing things when he’d get back. The only thing that needed fixing had been himself and oh, how cruel is the world for him to realise it only now that he’s completely broken?

“But you were right… I mean, Arthur was a dick, but I completely blew it, like I always did with stuff that matters before. I should have trusted you and I-”

He squeezes Eggsy’s thigh gently, cutting him off.

“I gave you no real reason to trust me to that extent. I was angry at myself for not seeing that you wouldn’t shoot an innocent no matter what. But it’s easier to be angry at others than it is to be at yourself.”

Eggsy chuckles a bit, a humorless sound and his hand closes around Harry’s.

“I’m not so sure about that, I’ve managed it pretty well so far.”

Before he can continue his cathartic discussion with himself, Merlin strides into the room, looking happier than he’s ever been before when he notices that Harry is awake. Some tension he wasn’t aware of feeling unwinds over seeing his old friend up and about. It is a true shame that Merlin won’t stay so happy for long after he’s realised just how damaged Harry is.

“Ah good, you’re both awake. And hopefully having a long overdue heart-to-heart.”

“Piss off Merlin,” Eggsy’s obviously aiming for exasperated, but there’s humor and fondness in his eyes and his hand tightens just bit around Harry’s, as if unwilling to let go.

Not that Harry wishes for Eggsy to go anywhere, but if he’s a hallucination, they’re kind of stuck together anyway.

It’s about that time that Merlin’s words register and he notices how Merlin alternates between looking at him and what should be the empty space where Eggsy’s ghost sits.

“Oh… Are you a hallucination too?”

“What?” They both say it at the same time, both now staring at him with confused horror.

He feels a bit like an idiot, explaining the obvious, but they’re not really giving him any choice either.

“Well, I know Eggsy’s just a hallucination, so if you can see him, clearly you’re one too. And I am probably even crazier than I first thought.”

He doesn’t expects Eggsy’s pained sound at the revelation, nor the way he suddenly finds himself in a tight embrace, but the two pairs of strong arms around him makes him doubt his insanity for the first time. Never, not even in his happier dreams, has he felt quite as safe as he is now, held by the two men he would trust with everything that he’s got. His sick mind could never have conjured up such a perfect fantasy.

Even the words whispered against his ear are a less tangible proof than the brush of Eggsy’s chapped lips against his skin, their imperfection striking him as more real than anything he’s experienced since he was shot and left for dead on a hot pavement in Kentucky.

“You’re not crazy, you’re not crazy, you’re not crazy.”

*

There are still times when Harry isn’t sure if he hasn’t lost his grip on reality after all, but being out of Statesman’s infirmary helps him believing his senses. Statesman HQ looks like nothing he’s seen before and he’s never been one with much imagination.

His frequent conversations with Eggsy helps too, every new details about their time apart a surprise to Harry, further proof of how real he is.

Even the feelings Eggsy freely admits to have for him are just one more example that Harry’s sane.

If it was truly a fantasy, then Eggsy would have had no scruples in starting something with him, instead of insisting they take it slow and that Harry gets an all-clear from a shrink before they do anything.

If it was but an illusion, Harry wouldn’t be so frustrated when a kiss on the cheek is the most he can get away with.

But this is real and because it is, his frustration evaporates whenever he glances at Eggsy’s happy blush.

Because it’s real, Harry is willing to give Eggsy everything that he wants and deserves. He’ll do everything to built up the trust that should always have been between them.

It’ll take time, but they’ll get there.

[all-the-fics-ill-never-publish]

If Sirius Black Had Never Died

WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD!

In an alternate world, in which JKR didn’t believe in trauma porn, what happened to Sirius Black could have been incredibly different.

Where should one begin to unravel the threads that led a brave man, one with such potential for redemption, to his death?

Does it begin on the night he was meant to die? When he bolted downstairs to discover that his godson, the legacy and the link he cherishes, was in mortal peril and insisted on following the rest of the Order to the Department of Mysteries, he faced his mad cousin in the Death Chamber, dueling her with all his hatred of the Black family…

Harry watches as Bellatrix Lestrange’s curse hits Sirius in the chest and he topples backwards off the amphitheater steps, hitting the stone floor with a horrible crunch. His godfather’s wild, ironic laugh— what a way to die, at the hands of everything he hated most!—is met with an insane shriek of joy from the madwoman who has felled him. Harry yells in fury and grief as he watched this most important person crumple, and he shakes off Lupin’s restraining hands. No one can stop him as he takes off after Bellatrix, determined to exact revenge. A life for a life— how dare she take from him the only adult who had ever cared about his safety and happiness? The last, closest thing he had to a parent, and she had enjoyed killing him. White-hot fury sustains him, keeps the tears at bay. 

The fight is winding down, and Remus Lupin dashes down the remaining steps to fall to his knees at his friend’s side. Please not him, he thinks, reaching madly for a pulse, not this last person, my last friend. Don’t let him… He feels a steady heartbeat beneath his frantic fingers and begins to cry unashamedly with relief. Padfoot is still with him, though Prongs has gone and Wormtail has betrayed them. Mooney is not alone so long as at least one Marauder still lives. 

When the Aurors arrive to capture the Death Eaters, it is with Albus Dumbledore and an ashen-faced Harry in tow. 

“Sirius is not dead, Harry,” Lupin is quick to reassure him. “But, Dumbledore…” Lupin’s eyes say all the things his voice cannot, and fortunately Dumbledore is quick. He strides over to Sirius, kneels down, and examines him closely.

“Lupin is correct, Harry,” he concurs after a moment, his face grave but his smile reassuring. “Sirius in not in immediate danger from his injuries. If you will go back to my office, I will meet you there once I have attended to him and spoken with Mr. Fudge.” 

Dumbledore waves his wand at a piece of rubble nearby and mutters, “Portus”. With one last anguished look at his godfather, still unconscious, Harry takes the proferred Portkey and vanishes.

Dumbledore prevents the Aurors from arresting Sirius on the spot. “He was here at my orders, fighting on our side,” he says, eyes flashing so dangerously that no one argues. “Any questions you have can wait until he is more fully recovered. Remus,” he says, “please take Sirius to St. Mungo’s and stay with him until I arrive. I will want to give Harry a full report.”

In Cornelius Fudge’s office, Dumbledore informs the Minister of Magic in no uncertain terms that Sirius is to be allowed to recover peacefully in St. Mungo’s, and then to report for the trial he should have been given fourteen years before. Dumbledore, as the (presumably) soon-to-be instated Head of the Wizengamot, will oversee the proceedings. In the meantime, there is a very frightened boy who is waiting anxiously for word about his godfather. If the Minister has any further questions, he can send an owl; letters addressed to the Headmaster of Hogwarts will always find him. 

When Dumbledore returns to his office later, it is to find a shell-shocked Harry staring blankly into space. He tells the boy that Sirius will live, that the curse damage he suffered is not permanent; Sirius should be up and about in a few days. After that, there will be a trial to clear his name. Harry’s self-recriminations are tinged with relief that his foolishness has not killed this most important person, this almost-parent, but Dumbledore still refuses to accept them. “It is my fault,” he says clearly, “that Sirius was injured.” For he should indeed have known better than to lock the man up inside a house of childhood horrors with no glimpse of the independence he had fought so hard for. 

As Dumbledore tells Harry everything about the prophecy, Harry is still too numb with shock to process much, still overwhelmed by the magnitude of what Dumbledore hid from him, but the grief that he might have known— that he did feel for fifteen horrible minutes— is mercifully absent. Some weeks later, when Sirius is finally cleared of all crimes by the Wizengamot, the relief is so heady that Harry smiles and hugs Sirius— unusual, for such an undemonstrative boy. “Maybe now,” he tells his surrogate father, “you’ll be able to get out and about. You probably have enough gold for a new house, too.” Sirius’s answering grin makes him look, once again, like the man who had been James Potter’s best man so many years before. 

All is not perfect, of course. Kreacher had still betrayed his master, and Sirius, unable to look at him and unwilling to confront his own complicity in Kreacher’s behavior, sends him to the Hogwarts kitchens. Number 12 Grimmauld Place is destroyed, but not before Mundungus Fletcher makes off with all the valuables he can. Sirius buys himself a house— a nice, airy one in the countryside— and the Order sets up their headquarters there instead. Harry still has to return to Privet Drive that summer, but only for a few weeks. When Dumbledore collects Harry from the Dursleys, it isn’t to the Burrow that he escorts him, but rather to Nettleford Place, a three-story Victorian pile outside a small village in Devonshire. Harry lives in terror of having this, too, snatched from him; leaving Sirius to seek Horcruxes is one of the most difficult things he can imagine. Will both of them lived to see the end of the war? Will this home, too, be taken from him like so many had before? Will Sirius, like Harry’s parents and Dumbledore, be forced to sacrifice himself as well?

Ah, but this new narrative, while it removes one injustice wrought by the author’s hand, has not yet solved the greatest injustice of all. Perhaps we can take this tale back even further, to a time when Sirius was still young and arrogantly handsome, to the day after his best friends were murdered. To a time when the law should have been more careful…

The Magical Law Enforcement Squad descends upon a Muggle street in early November, 1981. A crater in the pavement is open to the sewers, the bodies of the dead broken on the rubble. The harsh wind threatens to steal their hats even as it whips the robes around the knees of the presumed murderer standing at the far end of the disaster zone. The handsome, careless man is still laughing with a kind of hysteria as members of the Law Enforcement Squad advance on him, wands raised.

“Come with us, Black,” says Bob Ogden, the head of the squad, waving his wand so that ropes spring out to restrain the man. He prays it won’t come to additional violence; he’s getting close to retirement now, and the paperwork from this blast alone will be nightmare enough without extra jinxes flying around. But Black does not fight the ropes as he works to stifle his laugh.

Ogden picks up the wand Sirius drops on the pavement and puts it tip-to-tip with his own. “Priori Incantatem,” he murmurs. If Black did indeed perform this curse, the wand will tell him. But the last spell the wand performed was not a blasting curse; it was a Hover Charm. He looks at the bound man in confusion and then scans the screaming Muggle crowd for an accomplice.

By this point, Ogden’s deputy returns from his conference with the Muggle policeman and murmurs his report into his boss’s ear. His boss starts, shakes his head, then looks at Black once more.

“Who is Peter Pettigrew?” he asks harshly, and Black, having composed himself, scowls darkly. 

“A nasty sneaking traitor!” he roars. “You see this street? That’s his doing, the murdering scum! Accusing me of betraying James and Lily, and then doing this! He’ll wish he’d died in this explosion before I’m done with him! Check the sewers! There’s his wand, you’ll see, you’ll see!” Sirius begins to swear with such caustic fervor that several of his guards wince.

Ogden gives two more squad members the nod to search fthe rubble. Sure enough, another wand is discovered on the edge of a large crack in the pipes, near a pile of grimy robes and one severed finger. This wand, much shorter and less well-polished than Sirius Black’s, proves to be the one that cast the blasting curse. But where could the wielder have gone? Did Black cast the curse with another wizard’s wand and then discard it? But then, where had the finger and the robes come from?

Black is still thrown in Azkaban for a week until the trial commences. When he is permitted to stand before the courtroom— looking rather more pale than usual but no less haughty— he tells the story of the Potters’ Fidelius Charm. He was, indeed, supposed to have been their Secret Keeper, but he had convinced James to switch to Peter at the last minute without telling anyone. It was a perfect ruse, he explains, because everyone who knew Peter knew that he had barely passed his examinations. Everyone knew Sirius was closest to James and Lily, would be sure to come after him first and leave Peter, that sad afterthought of any gathering, alone. When he had checked on Peter that Halloween to see if he was still safe, and found an empty house with no sign of a struggle, he had gone immediately to the Potters’ house and found it destroyed. Peter must have told Voldemort the Potters location willingly— there was no other way for the information to be divulged— but that must mean….

His fury with Peter kept him from resisting Hagrid’s insistence that Harry come with him. “Take my bike, then,” Sirius had told Hagrid, “You’ll get there faster, and I won’t be needing it just now.” There would be time, perhaps, if Sirius were able to exact vengeance on Peter, to find Harry again and fulfill the duties with which James and Lily had entrusted him.

But he had counted without Pettigrew’s cowardice and self-preservation, he tells the Wizengamot. When cornered, he screamed for everyone to hear that Sirius had betrayed his best friends, and then blew the street apart and escaped. Pettigrew, Sirius says to the court, is an unregistered Animagus. He can become a rat. The finger left behind was a pathetic attempt to fake his own death. This testimony tallies with the Priori Incantatem evidence collected at the scene, but Bartemius Crouch, Sr, head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, does not believe him. It is not until Dumbledore persuades Crouch to hear Sirius’s testimony under the influence of Veritaserum that Sirius is acquitted. Sirius is released, wand intact, still nursing his vendetta against the friend who betrayed them all but with his fury temporarily abated; there are more important things for him to do now. 

When Sirius asks Dumbledore where Harry is, he learns of the ancient magic that protects Harry from Voldemort. As long as Harry lives with his aunt— his mother’s last remaining relative— he will be safe. Sirius cannot take him from that house, or Harry’s protection cannot be guaranteed. 

Sirius does not take Harry from the Dursleys, but he shows up on their doorstep in his torn jeans and leather jacket to introduce himself, motorbike parked carelessly on the curb. After they attempt to bar him from the house, Sirius threatens them with his wand and marches in to see the tiny boy with Lily’s eyes in James’s face, crying by himself in a corner of the living room. When Sirius enters, Harry recognizes his Uncle Paddy (as Sirius had styled himself, short for his nickname Padfoot) and stops crying. He reaches up his arms and Sirius picks him up, rocking him and telling him that it’s okay, his parents are gone but he’ll always have Uncle Paddy. He may not be an expert at child care-- Harry is the only baby he’s ever held-- but Sirius is determined to do his best for this little copy of his best friend. For James’s son, he can find the paternal side he’d never known he had.

“Harry has to stay here,” Sirius says to Vernon and Petunia. “For his own protection. But I will come for him every weekend, and if I see the slightest sign of mistreatment,” he adds, pulling out his wand and sticking it in their faces, already mistrusting them because they left Harry to cry alone, “I will take it out of your miserable skins, you got that?” Vernon splutters but hasn’t the nerve to stand up to Sirius Black in a temper; precious few people do. 

The Dursleys’ fear of Sirius’s retribution, and Sirius’s own presence, makes Harry’s childhood less uncomfortable than it would have been otherwise. Harry is still forced to sleep in the cupboard under the stairs until the age of ten, but is never locked in there. Dudley still sees to it that he has no friends at school, and that he never has enough to eat during the week. Harry still grows up convinced of his own unimportance and normalizing his abuse. And yet, he knows that at least one person cares about him because, no matter how busy Sirius is working for the Auror office (putting that thirst for vengeance to good use), he always shows up Fridays after work to collect Harry from Privet Drive. He takes Harry back to his house in Devonshire— Harry loves the motorcycle— and lets Harry ride his toy broomstick in the back garden. 

On weekends at Sirius’s house, Harry meets his Uncle Mooney, who stays with Sirius in between jobs. Remus Lupin doesn’t have any money— can’t buy presents or Quidditch tickets— but he tells him stories about his parents and shows him pictures of them. He plays board games and listens to the radio, and makes bubbles for the cat to chase. When Harry is ten, Sirius and Remus sit Harry down and explain that Remus is a werewolf, and that that makes it harder for him to be treated equally. Harry scowls and says “It’s not fair for them to think you’re different! You’re a person, you just have a problem!” Remus and Sirius meet each other’s gaze over Harry’s head, both thinking just how much the boy is like James. Sometimes, when Remus needs cheering up, Sirius gets Quidditch tickets for them all. For the last two Marauders, it is both soothing balm and bitter pill to see Harry with eyes alight at the aerial acrobatics; how James would have loved to be there! And so, Harry grows up knowing that he is magic, that his odd flashes when he’s scared or angry are because he has powers, and he knows that there is a wizard school that he can go to when he’s older. But, more importantly, he grows up knowing he is loved by his two adopted uncles, his parents’ best friends, who are more family to him that his blood kin.

The owl with his Hogwarts letter is posted to Sirius instead of the Dursleys, and Sirius takes him to Diagon Alley for the first time. They run into Hagrid in the Leaky Cauldron (he’s the one person Sirius doesn’t try and chase away), and Hagrid tells him how fondly he remembers his parents. Harry still stares and feels funny about Hagrid’s kindness, but relieved that there are other people like Sirius and Remus in the world. Sirius shows Harry the vault full of gold that once belonged to the Potters, but then shuts it and says, “This is your inheritance when you are older, but your education is my responsibility.” In addition to robes and a wand and potions ingredients, he buys Harry an owl that day, so that Harry can write to Uncle Paddy while he’s at school. Harry chooses the large snowy owl that hoots majestically from the top shelf and names her Hedwig. Sirius smiles and tries not to see James’s eleven-year-old face, alive forever in his memory.

Harry has no trouble getting onto Platform 9 3/4 with Sirius escorting him, but is very put-off by the number of kids his own age. Are all of them magic? Sirius seems to know Molly, the short red-haired woman next to them, very well—he asks after her and her husband Arthur, and mentions how long its been seen he’s seen their kids. Molly gives him a hug and then introduces Harry to her children.

“Ron is just starting at Hogwarts this year as well,” she says with a smile, not seeming to notice the scar that had entranced every other wizard he’d met. “It will be good for him to know someone besides his brothers.” So the two boys ride in the same compartment, talking about Quidditch and candy and Harry’s Muggle family. Meanwhile, Sirius tries not to worry too much about sending the boy to school, and resolves not to check the skies every three seconds like an idiot, waiting for an owl.

When Harry makes the House team as a first-year, Sirius rushes to send him the best broom he can get his hands on— a Nimbus Two Thousand!— and writes to Dumbledore for permission to attend Harry’s first match. It’s like stepping back in time, watching the boy who could almost be James’s twin, swoop and dive with so much precision. When Harry’s broom tries to buck him, Sirius has to be restrained by Professor McGonagall (“You cannot interfere with a match, Black!”), but no one laughs harder when Harry almost swallows the Snitch.

When Sirius hears about Harry, Ron, and Hermione’s adventures with the Sorcerer’s Stone, he is horrified to realize that his first instinct is to tell Harry off for breaking rules— after all the things that he and James did in school! When did he become such an adult? He compromises by telling Harry to think about consequences and make plans rather than trust to luck, and then buying him a large ice cream cone on their way from King’s Cross Station to the Dursleys house in Little Whinging. Nonetheless, he’s impressed at the gall— and ability!— of these 11-year-olds. They’ll be something when they’re grown, he thinks with a smile.

In Harry’s second year, when he learns about the Chamber of Secrets, Sirius sends almost weekly owls, worried that Harry’s adventurous, heroic streak will get him into trouble. A monster prowling the castle and attacking people would have been horrible temptation for him and James when they were in school, and it is precisely that knowledge that keeps him up at night, wondering what Harry will do. He’s not sure whether to be proud or furious when he hears about the basilisk and the diary, but can’t help but feel that the joke is on him. He would have done the same thing in Harry’s shoes, and so, he knew, would both Harry’s parents.

When he realizes that Peter is at Hogwarts in Harry’s third year, Sirius goes AWOL from his Auror job and sneaks into the Hogwarts grounds as a dog. He hasn’t transformed in many years; no one but Remus, teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts this year, would recognize him, and he is careful to stay out of Remus’s sight. Harry tells him about the Marauder’s Map in a letter— “it says ‘Mooney, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs’— You and my dad and Uncle Mooney are on here! But who is Wormtail?”— and Sirius puts off answering the letter. He’s not ready to tell him about Wormtail, 

Thus, when Sirius drags Ron and “Scabbers” under the Whomping Willow, it is with real terror that Harry and Hermione chase after them, only to be shocked at seeing the enormous dog turn into Harry’s Uncle Padfoot. Harry had never seen his godfather so angry, and felt a little scared of him, but not so scared that, once Remus talked Sirius out of committing immediate murder, he wouldn’t listen to the story of Wormtail. Harry still pleads for Wormtail’s life, and Remus’s transformation into a werewolf still facilitates Pettigrew’s escape. But no crazy heroics are needed on this night, simply a return to the castle and an owl to Sirius’s superiors. Perhaps another man might have been fired for not showing up to work for months, but Sirius manages to spin it as a “deep undercover” operation that he could trust to no one and gets off with a reprimand. Nonetheless, knowing that Wormtail was forever beyond his reach was infuriating and concerning.

Sirius takes Harry and Remus to the Quidditch World Cup the summer Harry turns fourteen, and they meet up with the Weasleys and Hermione there. All of them have seats in the Top Box— Sirius called in a few favors of his own— and have a roaring time watching the match. Harry’s wand is still missing when they get into the forest, the Dark Mark still cast into the sky. Sirius is among the group of Aurors who Apparate onsite immediately, and his fears are only slightly relieved by the fact that no one seems to be present besides Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Who cast it? How much danger is Harry in?

Harry’s shocking entrance into the Triwizard Tournament causes him to send Dumbledore a Howler, venting his frustrations with the selection process. Harry tries to hide under the table, embarrassed that Sirius is yelling at the headmaster. No longer content with letters from Harry, Sirius comes to Hogsmeade for every free weekend the students have. Harry rolls his eyes a little— “No one else’s parents come see them in Hogsmeade, Uncle Paddy!”— but is secretly happy for the support. The Tournament is a lot of pressure and worry, and he can tell that Sirius and Dumbledore are waiting for the other shoe to drop.

When Harry arrives back at the edge of the maze after Voldemort’s return, Sirius is in the stands, among the first to reach Harry’s side. The terror and shock in his godson’s eyes, so out of place on a young boy’s face, are more than he can handle. He turns away to talk to Dumbledore about what arrangements need to be made. When he looks back, Mad-Eye Moody— this year’s Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, and an old friend and colleague of Sirius’s— is helping Harry up to school. He and Dumbledore look at each other with the same amount of horror and suspicion. Mad-Eye would never remove Harry from Dumbledore and Sirius’s sight after what had happened! Dumbledore waves over McGonagall and Snape— Sirius grimaces but makes no comment— and the four of them walk up to school and arrive just in time to keep “Moody” from blasting Harry’s head off. The stories that follow— both Harry’s and the imposter’s— make Sirius sick to his stomach. How he had hoped that Harry and his friends would be spared their parents’ wars! 

That summer, Sirius is spending so much time at Order headquarters in his parents old house that he cannot bring Harry for weekends. By leaving Harry in Privet Drive for a few extra weeks, he hopes to keep him safe. When dementors attack Harry and Dudley, Sirius flies to Little Whinging within an hour, straps Harry’s trunk to his broomstick, and takes him back to 12 Grimmauld Place. The Ministry still has it in for Harry, but Harry doesn’t need to ask Sirius if he can live with him if the hearing goes badly; he already knows he has a home with his godfather.

Harry still spends most of his fifth year in a temper, fighting off his demons from the graveyard and trying not to explode at Umbridge. Sirius’s owls are his only source of comfort, and their communications become extra complicated when Umbridge starts searching the post. It’s not that Sirius is a wanted man, but he’s known to be a Dumbledore supporter in the Ministry, and Umbridge would love to catch both him and Harry in wrongdoing. Sirius goes silent for a month just before Harry’s O.W.L.s. It’s often like this when he has a mission— for the Order or for the Ministry? It’s hard to tell, but Harry is worried. What if this is the time when Sirius doesn’t come back? 

So it is in this climate of worry that Voldemort sends Harry the false vision of Sirius captured in the Department of Mysteries. Harry still rushes to his rescue with Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, and Luna; still is persuaded to take the prophecy; still breaks the prophecy on the steps in the fight. But Sirius never pierces the veil, even though he laughs madly as he feels Bellatrix’s curse knock him backwards into unconsciousness. Harry thinks him dead and chases after Bellatrix, only to meet Voldemort and be saved by Dumbledore. Harry takes a Portkey back to school, meets with Dumbledore, learns about the prophecy and about the magic that keeps him safe as long as he lives in Privet Drive. He listens numbly, horrified at how close he came to losing everything— his friends, and his godfather— all because he could not tell fact from fiction and rushed recklessly to save the day. At Sirius’s bedside that afternoon, Harry apologizes up and down for his mistake and Sirius, still muzzy from the potions, pats his hand and says, “Never mind, your father and I would have done the same.” But Harry has seen Snape’s memory in the Pensieve during Occlumency lessons, and isn’t sure that’s the commendation that Sirius intends. Does he want to be reckless and arrogant, too? What if being like his father and godfather is not what he wants to be anymore?

Sirius is more out of touch than ever the following year— between his work for the Auror office and for the Order, Harry isn’t sure when the man sleeps— but he still does his best. With Harry’s school load, he’s hard put to answer letters anyways, and Hogsmeade weekends are cancelled after Katie Bell’s accident. He tells Sirius over Christmas everything he’s concerned about from Malfoy and Snape, and Sirius frowns without saying anything. He hates Snape more than he hates anyone, but cannot bring himself to accuse Snape of endangering Dumbledore; even Snape has limits, surely. 

It is to Sirius that Harry confides the whole Horcrux mission after Dumbledore’s death. Dumbledore had said, “don’t tell anyone,” but Harry can’t bear to leave Uncle Padfoot without an explanation. Sirius wants to argue, but sees the same determination in Harry’s eyes that once belonged to both James and Lily, and holds his tongue. He helps his godson pack, gives him as much advice as he can, teaches him how to get food by magic.

When the Ministry falls, Sirius is forced into hiding in a safe house far from his home in Devonshire. Sirius still leaves when he can, but the thought of Harry, still searching the country for Horcruxes, keeps him from attempting heroics. The last time Harry thought Uncle Padfoot was in danger, he almost got himself and five friends killed on a rescue mission. Sirius will give Harry no reason to worry and distract himself. When he gets word of the battle about to be fought at Hogwarts though, he Apparates at once into the Hogs Head. He knows that the end game is nigh, and can’t wait to get a piece of his murderous Death Eater family. 

Sirius howls with grief and rage when Hagrid carries Harry’s body up to the castle, and fights like a wild man. Red tinges his vision as he, McGonagall, and Kingsley attack Voldemort. Sirius doesn’t even care that this is the end. If he could not protect the boy who is like a son to him then he will go down fighting the evil thing that killed him. He does not even notice Molly Weasley take down Bellatrix Lestrange. Any other day and he would have fought for the honor of killing that madwoman. Today he has a bigger opponent. 

He almost falls over with shock and joy when Harry pulls off his cloak and challenges Voldemort. Sick with nerves and tension as he watches Harry circle and bait Voldemort, Sirius struggles to blink the ghosts out of his own eyes. This might be James, James as Sirius remembers him— young and strong, determined to fight for the right cause— but even James never had the temerity to call Voldemort “Tom Riddle,” nor the compassion to tell him to feel remorse for his actions and save himself. Neither of Harry’s parents would have used a Disarming Charm on Lord Voldemort, reluctant to kill even at the final hurdle, trusting Voldemort’s wand to rebound and do the deed. Only Harry, Sirius realizes as Tom Riddle’s body fell to the ground in silence, would ever be that decent. 

The narrative has been unwound and rewound, to reveal a man who could always have been more than he was, had he been allowed. Adults do not cease to grow at the moment they become adults, but grow and change throughout their lives. Children do not grow up the worse for having adults who love them. Indeed, the love of one adult, constant through their lives, can make all the difference. 

[roughand]

The Last Jedi

Things I enjoyed

Rey

I liked Rey a lot in this movie. I thought Daisy Ridley gave a strong performance, and she really made me feel her frustration and exasperation. I liked the nuance she brought to her scenes with Ben, and I liked what a good no-bullshit foil she was for Luke. I don’t have a lot to say because I liked pretty much everything she did, even when she was stuck in a less-than-good scene.

Rey’s Parentage

I didn’t mind that Rey’s parents were nobodies. It’s kind of nice, because for the last 20 years Star Wars as a franchise has been obsessed with the Skywalkers, to the point that they’ve become this narrative trump-card, and in any conflict it’s only a matter of time before one of them turns up and performs some heroic feat using the Force. I don’t love the fact that Rey is both super powerful AND innately skilled (as it robs her journey of some much needed conflict), but I do at least like the fact that she’s not a Skywalker, and can hopefully explore her own path.

Ben Solo

Adam Driver is excellent in the role, and brings a lot of menace and tension to the scene whenever he’s on screen. I don’t love the narrative decision to make him the Big Bad for the next movie, but at the very least he’s doing good things with the material they are giving him. I liked his conflict, I liked his interactions with Rey, and I liked his insane lack of control toward the end. He’s a very finely-crafted character.

Ben’s reason for turning to the Dark Side

I thought this moment, where Luke senses the growing darkness and Snoke’s corruption in Ben and briefly turns his lightsaber on, was perfect. It was such a raw moment that fit into what we knew about both characters. Luke is rash and impulsive, he always has been. Ben Solo is clearly hurting from wounds and rejections we don’t fully understand yet, but we can see the emotional scars. It makes sense for Luke to peer over the precipice but ultimately back down from killing Ben, just like it makes sense for Ben to feel a powerful sense of betrayal, and to carry that rage and hatred for a very long time. This was excellent characterization, and one of the few moments where I felt the movie (or really, the new trilogy) had strong and good ideas about what happened to Luke/Leia/Han post-ROTJ.

Ben & Rey

I liked the weird Force-connection that let them interact with each other, even if it was ultimately revealed to have been one of Snoke’s ploys. But the two are the most talented actors in the production, so giving them a chance to play off each other is a good idea. Plus, this introduced an aspect of the Force that, while new, didn’t feel too out of line with what we’d already known.

The destruction of the Dreadnought above D’Qar

This fight had the benefit of being at the start of the movie, which meant you couldn’t be sure how any of it would play out. We don’t know if Poe will get shot down and captured, or crash on some strange planet, or be sent hurtling into space. Maybe the attack will succeed, maybe it will fail horribly, maybe there will be heavy losses on both sides. It’s all possible, and made for exciting action.

They also did a good job with minor characters like Rose’s sister, and giving them small stories to engage the audience without putting the protagonists in any serious danger. They did well to flesh out these supporting characters, because their deaths were more impactful, and their struggles more tense.

In comparison, look at the fight on Crait. As visually appealing as parts of it were, the outcome was a foregone conclusion--Luke had to sacrifice himself in a grand way to (1) bring hope back to the galaxy, (2) help the Rebels escape, and (3) inspire Rey. The only people left in that bunker were the main cast and a handful of extras. It was pretty clear that everyone had to make it out alive, and that Luke/Rey would be the ones to do it. That meta-knowledge robbed the sequence of a lot of the dramatic weight it should have had.

The destruction of Snoke’s ship

This was right up there with the Star Destroyer crashing into the Super Star Destroyer in ROTJ. In fact, it was probably better. There was a lot of very visceral visuals throughout, and the silence of the initial explosion was perfect.

BB-H8

He didn’t overstay his welcome, and even though it was preposterous to think that the First Order troops wouldn’t notice BB-8’s disguise, I liked that they had him noticed by one of his own kind. Given that the weird droids are always a fixation for Star Wars, this felt very much true to the universe.

The fight with Snoke’s guards

I enjoyed this because it was a good lightsaber fight-scene that didn’t go all CG like the prequels, but still had more finesse and interesting fight choreography than all the fights in the originals. Plus, seeing Ben and Rey fight together (as opposed to against each other), and help each other out occasionally, was a nice subversion of expectations.

The Kylo Ren/General Hux rivalry

As I’ll mention below, the humor was often something I didn’t enjoy about the movie, but the Kylo/Hux rivalry always felt very entertaining. It never got too cartoonish, but consistently reminded us that Hux is more than just a putz and that there’s no love lost between the two characters. It was effective at what it set out to do, and entertaining in the process.

The spaceship-that-was-actually-an-iron

This was a great cut late in the movie, reminiscent of the bit in Raiders of the Lost arc where the scary villain has the girl tied up and captive and he starts unpacking what looks like some sort of sadistic torture device...only for it to actually be a coathanger for his heavy leather coat. This is the kind of humor that fits a bit better with the tone, and fleshes out the world in ways that feel realistic.

Things I was unimpressed by

Much of the humour

Including:

Luke flicking the invisible lint off his shoulder after the AT-AT barrage

Luke milking the alien

Luke tickling Rey with the leaf

Poe taunting Hux about his mom

Finn wandering around in the suit leaking water (felt very “JJ Abrams Star Trek Kirk wandering around with the swelling disease)

I’m not averse to comedy (see my list of things I enjoyed for several comedic moments that worked), but a lot of this felt like it was from a different movie. Luke has never been a jokester, he’s always been almost painfully earnest. MARK HAMILL, on the other hand, is a funny weird guy with a huge personality...but that’s not Luke. I’m happy for Hamill and Fisher to get roles that are more in line with their real-world personalities, but at the same time Hamill’s performance especially didn’t read as the Luke we knew.

The rest of the comedy, particularly from Poe/Finn, but also from Chewbacca and the Porgs, just feels like it’s targeted to the child audience consuming this. It’s cheesy and doesn’t feel fresh, nor does it vibe with the rest of the film.

The stupid Jedi Tree and the stupid Jedi Texts

Ugh, so like, I don’t enjoy the way the sequels (TFA & TLJ) have handled the idea of Jedi in a post-ROTJ world. My biggest issue here is that the Force isn’t going away. It’s still there, and people will still be born who can control it. The little slave-boy Force-pulling his broom is evidence of that. So this idea that “Luke is the last jedi and everyone’s forgotten about the Jedi (again) and they might disappear for good” is just preposterous. The Force is like magic in Harry Potter. Lots of people are born with the ability to use it, and they’re gonna cause a lot of problems (and draw a lot of attention to themselves) unless someone helps them to learn to use it safely. So I just find it hard to buy that the Jedi are constantly at risk of dying out and being completely forgotten (again) despite the fact that people all over the fucking galaxy are clearly being born with Force abilities.

Then there’s just this whole idea that Luke would somehow become so slavishly devoted to the IDEA of the Jedi that he’d squirrel himself and the last remaining Jedi texts away on some planet. I mean, the most obvious thing here is that if Luke thought the Jedi were so dangerous and that they shouldn’t continue to exist, then he should have just killed himself and burned the books years ago. Keeping them in that silly tree (when you have a perfectly good mountain temple complex which no doubt offers better protection from the elements) was just a needlessly contrived set-up for Yoda to burn it down later.

Captain Phasma

Man, Captain Phasma seemed like she’d be such a cool character before TFA--Brienne of Tarth as a badass unique chrome stormtrooper! But now after two movie’s she’s done ZERO interesting things, and instead has had her ass handed to her embarrassingly by Finn twice now. And not even in a “wow that was satisfying to see David beat Goliath with ingenuity and skill” but rather in a “wow, is Phasma THAT useless that she can’t fight off this spaz?” Phasma became more of a punchline than anything when she showed up on screen because there’s zero threat to the character. She’s never done anything exciting or dastardly or shocking or intimidating. She just looks menacing because her armor is shiny and everyone else’s is matte.

The Dark Side cave on Ahch-To

I understand the point of this scene--Rey is who matters, not her parentage. It’s her own self she should be worried about, and exploring, and which poses the most potential for greatness or terrible things. But ultimately it felt very out of place in the film because it lacked the overt connections to Rey’s wider arc that Luke’s same experience in the Dark Side cave on Dagobah had. Luke goes into the cave and we, the audience, know that Vader is his antagonist, and that Luke is deeply afraid of him. Having Vader in the cave was fantastic, because it makes us question what’s real--is Vader here or is Luke fighting his own fears? And then to have Luke defeat Vader, and remove the mask to find his own face (shades of The Prisoner) was excellent foreshadowing for the eventual reveal that Vader was Luke’s father, and that perhaps what Luke should fear most is himself. They packed a lot of narrative heft into Luke’s cave sequence. Rey’s, in contrast, didn’t seem to advance anything we didn’t already know, or have reason to suspect, and there was no subtlety revealed during the rest of the movie, no moment where suddenly Rey’s experience in the cave was cast in a new light. As a result, it just felt ancillary and unnecessary.

The Porgs

The Porgs were cute...and then immediately overused. It’s hard to introduce a character or race, and then make them feel oversaturated so quickly, but TLJ succeeded in that mission. I don’t hate the Porgs, but everytime one appeared on screen it felt like the film was directly interacting with a younger audience, and I was no longer part of that experience.

Luke Skywalker’s character/storyline

Right off the bat, I didn’t buy the backstory that Luke went into seclusion after what happened with Ben. It feels very much like JJ Abrams said “I want my movie to be about everyone looking for Luke!” but then no one since has been able to come up with a plausible reason for Luke to abandon everything the way he did. It’s one thing for me to assume that YOUNG Luke is incredibly short-sighted and rash, but JEDI MASTER Luke should have already learned a lot of the lessons that Yoda taught him in TLJ. I mean, the whole “learning from failure thing” is pretty much what he learned at the end of Empire Strikes Back. It just goes back to that idea that if your plot relies on your characters acting like idiots for it to work, then you need to do some re-writes.

Consider that when Luke visited Dagobah and Yoda acted weird at first, it was because Yoda was testing Luke. Luke came there looking for a great warrior to train him to fight, and Yoda needed to disabuse him of those notions before he could actually start training him. Yoda’s shtick was just that--a false persona intended to see how Luke would react, and to expose his faulty assumptions about what it means to be a Jedi.

But when Rey visits Luke on Ahch-To, he’s a dick to her because he doesn’t WANT to teach her. Again, this just doesn’t seem like Luke’s style. He’s an idealist, he’s someone who sees the good in everyone. It’s why he couldn’t bring himself to kill Ben, so it beggars belief that he would so callously refuse to train Rey. Moreover, it was a huge contrivance (more on that later) that Luke had “withdrawn from the Force” because that’s never really been how that works, but also because that was only a thing so Luke wouldn’t sense the fact that Rey and Ben were in contact. Like, it didn’t make sense for Luke to have not been touching the Force all these years, and it doesn’t make sense that he wouldn’t be able to detect the presence of someone like Ben. But again, the plot wouldn’t have worked unless Luke’s entire character is fundamentally altered so that he’s a crotchety recluse who lacks the Force-awareness even characters like Leia seem to have.

No chance to process the events on Snoke’s ship

There is a total lack of Rey processing what happened on Snoke’s ship in the script. One minute she and Ben are literally tearing apart Luke’s lightsaber after they’ve turned on each other, and seconds earlier they killed a dozen elite First Order Guards after Ben executed Supreme Leader Snoke, who moments before had been torturing Rey. And the next minute Rey’s on the Falcon, with Chewie, shooting at TIE Fighters and seeming totally chill. There was zero time to process the impact of everything that happened to her, and given that the whole reason she went to Snoke’s ship was to save Ben, it beggars belief that she’d be so cavalier after having him reject her so spectacularly.

Holdo

I love Laura Dern, and she did a fine job with the limited material she was given (ugh, that “may the For--” “oh i’m sorry, you go” “no you go!” exchange with Leia was cheeseball to the extreme), but there were three elements of Holdo’s character that didn’t make a lot of sense:

Why not tell people, or at least Poe, that she still had a plan, that the transport ships weren’t just going to fly randomly into space but that she had a destination in mind? Instead, Holdo, who seemed very capable, suddenly seems like she’s ok with letting mutiny foment on her watch because….why? She thinks Poe is a flyboy? It wasn’t good leadership, and she could still have inspired hope without seeming like she was without a plan. How is acting like everyone’s probably going to die an inspiring approach for a leader to take?

Why was Holdo, who is ostensibly a brilliant, seasoned, compassionate general, the ONLY PERSON who can fly the cruiser’s suicide mission? Surely there was a low-level tech or even a droid for god’s sake who could have done it? Her death seemed to exist to ensure there was a “heroic sacrifice” moment for the rebellion, which felt very contrived and not authentic.

Why did Holdo wait so long before kamikaze-ing!? I can understand that due to the magic of editing less time may have passed from her perspective than the audience’s (as we are cutting back and forth to simultaneous action elsewhere), but we still watch Holdo sitting there while at LEAST 3-5 rebel transports get destroyed before she decides to ram Snoke’s ship. Like, she KNEW she was going to die on the cruiser, so why not ram Snoke immediately, or at least after he destroyed the first transport? Holdo standing there and looking stricken and helpless while the rebels are getting shot like fish in a barrel felt almost comical. It was so obvious that she had to ram the ship that it was frustrating that the plot forced her to wait so long.

The Knights of Ren

Someone else pointed this out online, but: where are the Knights of Ren? What is that? Why introduce it if it’s never mentioned again? Will these guys ever crop up? How do they fit into Ben Solo’s backstory?

Luke’s other students

Yet again we get a mention that Ben Solo left Luke’s academy with a few students he had turned to his cause (or, presumably, who Snoke had turned to his cause). What happened to them? How come Luke isn’t torn up about them, too?

Things I really disliked

Let’s start with a bunch of little things that really bugged me:

Ackbar dying offscreen

Ackbar is one of the most iconic characters from the original films (at least to fans) and he deserved a bit more than being killed offscreen. He could easily have been one of the many ship captains that Holdo watched go down with their ships via hologram as they were picked off one-by-one. Using him that way would really have upped the stakes as we watched a beloved character from the original film die in a heroic but senseless way.

Luke throwing his father’s lightsaber away

Yeah, this was very out-of-character for Luke. That lightsaber must hold a LOT of significance and memories for him. To see him toss it away so callously just felt like people wanted a funny beat to end the scene on more than they wanted to stay true to the character. It didn’t ruin the movie for me, but it definitely IMMEDIATELY gave me the sense that they didn’t have a good handle on Luke’s character.

The New Republic falling so easily

In The Force Awakens, it is heavily implied that the galaxy is relatively peaceful place and the remnants of the Empire have retreated into obscurity. Admittedly, I’m not as well versed in the SW political structure as I used to be, a quick google search confirms that as recently as 6 years prior to The Force Awakens, there was still a galactic senate looking after things. Given that’s the same New Republic senate that gets destroyed by Starkiller Base in The Force Awakens, it makes you wonder how easy it is to take over a galaxy? Like, right now any kind of large scale continental invasion is prohibitively complicated and costly. Similarly, subjugating literally dozens of worlds is not a cheap, fast, or simple affair. It’s quite time-consuming, and requires extraordinary resources. It seems rather convenient that the Imperial Remnant could build up such a devastating fleet without the New Republic noticing, but also improbable that any Imperial Fleet could immediately establish control over the WHOLE GALAXY (remember, no one answers Leia’s distress call at the end of TLJ) by blowing up ONE planet.

It reminded me of late-period Game of Thrones where characters would just stab each other and “take” that person’s power. GoT spent almost 4 seasons demonstrating that it didn’t work that way--stab the man at the top and you might find yourself with no power and surrounded by enemies--only to do an about face in the last three seasons on that point. TLJ felt like it did the same thing. We’re told the galaxy is huge, and full of different planets and species and people, but then the First Order blows up one planet and everyone falls into line? Way too convenient.

The slave kids on Canto Bight

Is it just me or does the SW franchise seem to present a really happy-go-lucky depiction of child slavery? Anakin and Shmee’s enslavement to Watto was frequently played for laughs, even the bit when Anakin was giggling about the explosive device planted in his and his mother’s brains that would detonate and kill them if they tried to run away. 

Similarly, Rose and Finn stumble upon these slave-kids who are forced to care for alien race horses, and they save the bulk of their sympathy...for the horses? Like, I get it, animals in captivity are sad and we want to free them...but there were literal child slaves there that Rose and Finn did not seem in any way concerned by.

Like, when the one kid presses the button to free the horses all I could think was “Man, he’s probably going to get whipped to death for that! Why don’t Rose and Finn seem to care?” The fact that the movie KEPT RETURNING to them, too, felt a bit odd. These kids are enslaved on a pleasure planet that caters to rich arms dealers, and based on how the casino treats the alien-horses, I can’t imagine they treat their child-slaves much better.

So that just took me out of whatever scene the kids appeared in.

The bad dialogue

There were so many moments were the film was clearly going for some kind of iconic, powerful line (like ESB’s “Do or do not, there is no try.”) but fell miserably short. The ones that spring to mind:

The repetitions of “We are the spark that will light the fire that will burn down the first order.” It got cheesier with each person who said it.

Poor Rose got some of the worst lines:

“I want to smash this lousy beautiful city to pieces”

“Finn, we’ll never win by fighting what we hate, we’ll win by saving what we love…*dies*”

Captain Phasma’s “No! Don’t kill them quickly. Make it painful”made me groan AUDIBLY. It was such movie-speak for “Don’t hurt them! Let them escape!”

Anytime a character discussed hope and whether it was all gone, or how much was left, and who had it, and who didn’t, and oh it’s back, and hey here’s this Force-sensitive slave-kid he’s got hope too now because of his decoder ring

Any of the “yee-haw that’s one hell of a pilot” type lines from Poe or Finn.

Now for some more substantive problems:

Leia’s resurrection and Force-propelled spaceflight

This bothered me on a bunch of levels:

This would have been a good send-off for Leia. She got a lot of good moments in with Poe prior to Ben’s attack, and she really drove home the idea of how important it is for Poe to learn to be a leader. That would have been an excellent time for her death, as it would catalyze those last words to Poe, and make them really mean something. Instead, she comes back and snickers with Holdo at how thick Poe is. It’s not bad, it’s just a missed opportunity that became disappointing.

The movie seemed to care about, but then immediately stop caring about, Ben’s relationship with Leia. As far as Ben knows, Leia dies when that other TIE pilot blows up the bridge, but we never see Ben reacting to either her “death” or her resurrection (which he doubtless should have been able to sense through the Force). Leia sensed Han’s death, so shouldn’t Ben have sensed the massive amount of Force energy Leia must have used?

This was one of several scenes where I found myself asking “What the fuck are the rules anymore?” I’m not trying to be a Force-purist or anything, but as a regular member of a movie audience, a lot of the reveals in the movie felt very out-of-left-field. I get that Jedi are essentially superheroes in space, but it makes “the Force” into a bit of a plot device that can get them out of any situation. It’s further compounded by characters like Leia, and Rey, who have little to no training in the Force but who, when the situation dramatically calls for it, are able to perform tremendous feats of skill and power. If we don’t see them training and struggling with these abilities building up to those moments, then the impact is not only lessened when they occur, but the suspension of disbelief is violated. It just introduces new powers and new abilities with no groundwork or grace, and that makes it hard for audiences to stay in those moments. It then becomes a challenge for them to come up with reasons those characters DON’T continue to use those abilities. On the one hand, I can understand the whole shock/trauma-activated-ability idea, but on the other if you discover you have the ability to withstand the vacuum of space and fly through it, wouldn’t that be an ability you’d want to pursue and become better at?

Overall, though, it felt narratively cheap because we took a character who’s very much been established as NOT skilled in the Force, and had her suddenly pull off something that we hadn’t even imagined Obi-Wan or Yoda at their height could do. I’m not attacking it on scientific grounds, or even trying to say “The Force couldn’t do that!” I’m just saying that from a storytelling perspective it felt deeply unsatisfying and out of place.

Snoke

Snoke in this film was a big letdown. At first, it seemed like they had something interesting planned for him. We got to see him in the flesh early on and he had his own kind of unique menace. They got Andy Serkis to play him so clearly he’s an important part of this story. His origins and motivations are shrouded in mystery and his power level is clearly off-the-charts. It was all setting up our expectations for later reveals, or deepening his motives, or making him even more threatening.

Then he dies halfway through the film and we never learn a single new thing about him. I’m all for zagging when the audience thinks you’re going to zig, but TFA and TLJ invested a sizeable amount of their running times establishing Snoke as this big threat, who was connected to story in ways we didn’t understand yet. I can understand killing him off unexpectedly, but to do it without exploring more of his character, or setting up anyone to take his place is a big letdown.

To be clear, I understand that Ben is going to be the new Big Bad, or at least until the end of the next movie when he comes back to the light and the new Big Bad for the NEXT trilogy shows up, but Ben is not a good replacement as a primary antagonist. I mean, we know he will either be saved, like Vader was, or die heroically helping the rebels. There aren’t a lot of other directions to take him in--having him be uncomplicatedly evil would feel like a betrayal of his character up until now. I also get that Ben is slightly different than previous antagonists because he doesn’t care for the structure and regimentation of the first order, he just wants to rule as he sees fit. It’s just that that’s...kind of boring. Snoke was interesting because he was mysterious, and we couldn’t be sure what his connection to the Force, or the First Order, or to Ben really was. He was unpredictable, which made him an entertaining villain. Ben, meanwhile, is broody and prone to fits of rage. He’s very much still a child in a mask, and while that can make him intimidating to other characters, it’s not enough for a primary antagonist like Star Wars needs.

Finn’s “arc”

I get the sense that the writers really struggled to come up with something for Finn to do in this movie.

Rey’s arc was clearly connected to Luke and Ben, and did not have room for a third major figure in her emotional landscape. They may return to moren Finn/Rey stuff down the line, but this movie was first and foremost concerned with Rey/Luke and Rey/Ben.

The next strongest relationship was probably Leia/Poe. As much as I think Leia should have died off earlier in the movie, I think her arc with Poe was a decent-enough one, and will hopefully pay off in the next film, when he learns to take more of a leadership role in the rebellion. Holdo was there to give Poe an antagonist, and although I didn’t love the obvious and constant reversals of Holdo’s character (she’s good, she’s bad, she’s a coward, she’s a hero!), I thought the story pulled off the task it had set itself. Poe learned the lesson he needed to learn, as seen when he counseled Finn against sacrificing himself for the “battering ram cannon” (dumb name).

It feels like the Rey/Ben storyline was locked in, as was the Leia/Poe/Holdo storyline, but then after those two big plots, Finn had no one in the main cast to bounce off, and no one’s story needed his presence. Rey’s apprenticeship with Luke, subsequent surrender to Snoke, and eventual escape to rejoin the Rebels was completely unaffected by anything Finn did. The Rebel fleet’s attempts to escape the First Order did not need Finn’s help, and indeed reached their true objective in spite of him mucking up the plan. All he was good for on a metanarrative level (by the time his actual plan had gone up in smoke) was goosing the drama by alerting the First Order to the defenseless transport ships, thereby ensuring heavier losses for the rebels.

So obviously the writers knew that Finn needed to be there at the START of the story (to pick up with him after the last movie), and they knew where they needed him at the END of the story (on Crait, with a bone to pick with the First Order) but they didn’t really know how to get him from point A to B, nor how to ensure that nothing he does in the interim fucks up the rest of the already-established plots.

To fill the gap, they created the new character of Rose for Finn to bounce off of. It makes sense on paper--she’s grounded while he’s hyperactive, she’s sensible while he’s deeply emotional, she’s a low-ranking rebel while he’s one of the heroes--and all of their qualities make them good foils for each other. Indeed, in that first scene where she finds him trying to board the escape pod they find an enjoyable rhythm together pretty quickly, and I liked the dynamic they established.

But then it all goes deeply off the rails because the writers realized they couldn’t let them do anything that mattered. Finn’s plan had to be unsuccessful because the fleet needed to make it to Crait, not jump away. Finn couldn’t run into Rey while on Snoke’s ship because that would jumble the plot too much. So they had to keep Finn at arm’s length from doing anything useful and it showed.

What we got instead was a really problematic (See below) detour to a planet that didn’t ultimately matter, in search of a macguffin that ultimately didn’t matter, all in the service of developing a relationship with Rose, a character who may be dead and who never had any real chemistry with Finn.

I honestly wish they’d thrown out that whole thing and found a different way to incorporate Finn into either Poe or Rey’s story, because clearly they don’t have great ideas when he’s on his own.

Hyperspace tracker subplot

One of the biggest problems I had with the movie was the “First Order tracking the rebels through hyperspace” subplot. Almost EVERY ASPECT of this was a disappointment, and here is why:

Hux’s Plan First off, there’s a moment early on where Kylo walks in on a conversation between Snoke and Hux where Snoke is congratulating Hux on his clever plan, saying something about how a cur’s weakness can be his strength. It seemed to imply that some element of Hux’s personality allowed him insight into hunting the rebels, and he devised a singularly brilliant way to do it. But then ultimately it was just “the First Order are tracking the rebels through hyperspace” and that seems like, I dunno, ANYONE could have devised that plan. There was nothing to the plan that indicated ONLY Hux could have come up with it. He doesn’t seem to possess any kind of advanced scientific or technical knowledge and his strategy (Track them until they run out of fuel) isn’t exactly complex, or subtle. It’s fairly obvious. I kept waiting for a further reveal that Hux had convinced a high-ranking rebel to defect and feed him information, or SOMETHING to explain why Snoke seemed so impressed and satisfied with his plan. But it never came.

Also, how are we to believe that Rose, who is essentially an electrician, would be able to disable a high-level First Order specialized system in such a way that no one notices? It just felt super convenient that this tradesperson that Finn runs into randomly possesses the ability to effectively and secretly disable the ONE thing  the First Order has been using to track the rebels. Remember, Dj the hacker only opened the door to the stupid thing, it was Rose who said she could secretly disable it all on her own.

Compounding all that letdown is the fact that, in the end, “disabling the tracking device” was barely different than “disable the tractor beam on the death star” in ANH. Just like the tractor beam on the Death Star in ANH, in TLJ it’s up to our heroes to infiltrate a massive evil ship and disable this one tiny room that should, when you think about it, be MUCH MORE HEAVILY GUARDED THAN IT WAS. At least in ANH the Death Star tractor beam room was super impressive. In TLJ, the tracker-room was a broom closet with a giant flux capacitor in it, tucked away behind some random panel in a random hallway.

Also, the whole conceit that “there’s only one ship actually tracking us” felt like an easy out, but one that didn’t hold up to scrutiny. If this truly was the last of the rebels, and wiping them out would ensure the total victory of the First Order, then maybe have a tracker on ALL your ships? Even if you’re not worried the Rebels will sneak on board and secretly disable it, you should always have redundancies for critical systems and processes like that. In the case of Ben Solo choosing to fight Luke while the rebels escape, this is an oversight that makes sense. We’ve seen how Ben can be ruthless and clever, but how there are still parts of his personality he can’t control (his need for his master’s approval, his hatred of Luke, etc.). So when he makes the mistake of facing Luke, his shortsightedness makes perfect sense. In comparison, Hux’s failure to properly safeguard this incredibly important tracking device just felt like lazy plotting.

Lastly, I’ll cover this more in a later section, but the fact that this whole entire subplot wound up having zero significance and not actually achieving anything was deeply, deeply frustrating. It’s one thing to do a Bespin-like sequence, where the heroes’ plan goes awry but they still move their arcs forward, or move the plot forward. Like, Luke faces Vader and learns a lot about himself. Leia is ripped apart from Han but finally declares her love for him in the process. Lando betrays them, but then proves to be an ally and helps them escape and joins the cause moving forward. Bespin was an unmitigated disaster in terms of “the protagonists achieving their goals” but narratively it was deeply productive. The entire “disable the tracker” subplot in TLJ only served to deepen Rose’s character who was ultimately wasted in the climax. The rest of the plotline did absolutely NOTHING to change the status quo. It almost seemed like the interaction between Finn and Benicio del Toro (aka DJ) would make Finn into a more Han-like, morally grey character, but then when DJ betrays them it’s clear Finn is a rebel through and through. Ignoring Rose’s character, what impact did the tracker-device plotline have on the larger film? I can’t think of any.

Canto Bight The problems with this part start right away with the very-hard-to-take-seriously scene where Rose and Finn just basically figure out the entire First Order plan and how to stop them in a matter of seconds. Instead of taking this information to ANYONE, like maybe Leia, they instead decide to contact Maz Kanata because Lupita Nyongo signed on for three movies, damnit, so she’s gonna be in them. Maz tells them the ONLY person who can complete their mission is a codebreaker wearing a special lapel pin. NO ONE ELSE can help them, and Maz would know, because characters repeatedly tell us that she’s very wise.

So they sneak off the ship and land on Canto Bight, which looks a lot like Naboo at night, but whatever. The movie wants us to know that Finn is enchanted by this place, while Rose is not, and it takes very little time for her to detail all the problems with it. None of this is conveyed in a particularly elegant or artful way--Finn stares dopily around at everything while Rose just clenches her jaw and spouts truly godawful lines like “I just want to smash this beautiful lousy city to pieces.” We also get a bunch of alien race horses, and it’s all starting to stray into the realm of the prequels.

Ultimately, Finn and Rose find the dude with the lapel pin, but are apprehended by security before they can talk to him. That is the last we see of the actual codebreaker.

After they meet and then part ways with DJ (more on him below, I hated him so much!), they find the alien race horses again and take off on horseback in one of the dumbest sequences in the film, and definitely the most broad. This part especially, the horseback escape through the city and eventual rescue by DJ felt very prequel-esque. The happy-go-lucky slave kids, the overly-CG horses, the slapstick ride through the city, it was all just too lowbrow compared to the rest of the film.

Benicio del Toro aka DJ I have a lot of issues with this character but they all really boil down to one thing: It’s cheap fucking storytelling:

It’s cheap storytelling to have Maz tell the audience “ONLY the codebreaker can get you onto the ship!” but then DJ can also do it.

It’s cheap storytelling to have Finn and Rose get imprisoned in the cell with a DIFFERENT codebreaker who can do exactly what they need.

It’s cheap storytelling to have a character as resourceful as DJ simply hanging out in jail waiting for someone to what? Also get imprisoned and ask for his help? It doesn’t make sense that if he could stroll out of prison at any point in time that he would be there at all.

It’s cheap storytelling for DJ to be able to steal a weapon merchant’s ship so easily, yet he hasn’t already done that and was instead hanging out in jail for no reason.

Not only does all this make many of the scenes in this plot (with Maz, or on Canto Bight looking for the lapel pin) feel pointless, but it also makes the rest of Finn and Rose’s plot (once they’re off Canto Bight and onto Snoke’s ship especially) frustrating because it all seems so convenient.

The best part about DJ is that, for a second, you think he’s going to contribute to Finn’s arc by pushing him towards being a more Han-Solo-at-the-start-of-ANH-style independent operator, by pointing out that both the Rebellion and the First Order are part of a larger military-industrial complex. For a second it seems like Finn might get some real depth and shading, and an interesting perspective that’s vastly different than Rey or Poe’s.

And then the worst part of DJ’s character is that he betrays them to the First Order as he was obviously going to do and this just makes Finn angry at the First Order. DJ leaves as pointlessly and stupidly as he arrived.   

Finn & Rose getting captured This entire sequence was endlessly frustrating. I’ve already detailed my problems with Hux’s plan above, but Finn and Rose’s capture and subsequent escape deserves its own section because it was so bad.

The first problem is that their hangar scene was clearly written to fill dramatic space, not to function as a realistic sequence of events. Finn and Rose are brought to the hangar, surrounded by a legion of stormtroopers. Phasma insists her troops kill them slowly, which is such a painful cliché at this point that there were multiple audible groans from the audience at that point. The stormtroopers slooooowwwwwwllllly lower laser-axes to Finn and Rose’s heads. Then the ship is caught in an explosion, and when we cut back to Rose and Finn, the literal dozens of stormtroopers who had been surrounding them with laser-axes millimetres away from their necks are nowhere to be seen. Phasma is also gone, but then just as quickly the stormtroopers and Phasma come walking back into the hangar like they were never there. It makes no sense!

Then, you’ve got a very implausible fight between numerous armoured stormtroopers (it seems that in the 20+ years since ROTJ their accuracy has not improved) and two blue-collar workers wearing no protective gear. Somehow Finn goes toe-to-toe with Phasma despite the fact that if she lands a single hit on his unarmored form, he’d go down. Not to mention the fact that Phasma HAS A BLASTER which she chooses not to use on Finn. Her ultimate death was silly, earned a bunch of laughs in the theatre, and had zero drama or tension to it. I love Gwendolyn Christie but she played a horribly written, terribly underused character who never got to do a single cool thing, then got herself killed in the silliest way and went down barely landing a single blow on the unarmored janitor she was fighting.

Meanwhile, there were apparently more stormtroopers but they just kinda get forgotten about. Rose hides and fires a few stray shots, but where did the half-dozen troopers flanking Phasma when they re-entered the hangar after the explosion go?

And then, the capper on this shit sequence, is BB-8 taking control of an AT-ST, and rescuing Finn and Rose. It reeked of the worst kind of prequels-level “wouldn’t it be cool if…?” writing. It was silly, and not in a fun way, but in a really dumb and cheesy way. It was reminiscent of Anakin in The Phantom Menance shooting a bunch of droids by accident when he was hiding in the fighter cockpit, or the nonsense factory escape sequence with R2-D2’s hoverjets in Attack of the Clones.

Structural Problems

There were some massive structural problems with the film, on the following levels:

Derivative Storytelling

The movie felt and looked more original than Force Awakens, but when you look closer it’s still cut from much of the same cloth as the original trilogy. Off the top of my head, from ESB alone, there’s: 

Rey trains on a remote planet with a reluctant Luke Luke trains on Dagobah with an initially reluctant Yoda

Rey’s enters a “Dark Side cave” and has a vision Luke enters a “Dark Side cave” and has a vision

Ben asks Rey, “Join me and we can rule the galaxy together” Vader asks Luke to join him so they can rule the galaxy together as father and son

The Resistance flees D’qar in cruisers and transports while being shot at by the First order The Rebels flee Hoth in cruisers and transports while being shot at by the Empire

The First Order assault a Resistance base on the remote, white salt planet of Crait with AT-ATs The Empire assaults a Rebel base on the remote, snowy planet of Hoth with AT-ATs

Because the base is older, Poe and other pilots are forced to fly slower, less maneuverable and powerful ships Because the base is on an ice planet, Luke and the other pilots are forced to fly slower, less maneuverable and powerful ships

Rey loses Anakin’s lightsaber during a confrontation with Kylo Ren Luke loses Anakin’s lightsaber during a confrontation with Vader

Rey must build her own lightsaber, a Jedi rite of passage Luke had to build his own lightsaber, a Jedi rite of passage, on Tatooine before going to Jabba’s palace

Some of those bits weren’t wholly unwelcome, but I’m really ready for Star Wars to move beyond the shadow of what’s come before. I’m ready for a Star Wars where:

The protagonist isn’t a callow youth about to become a Jedi

The main antagonist isn’t a Palpatine-like dictator

The secondary antagonist isn’t a Vader-like enforcer

The villains don’t rule over an Empire-like army

There were elements of this film that hinted at more creative stories that might get told, but too much of it hewed too close to familiar beats and tropes.

Plot Contrivances

This was a huge problem for me. The contrivances pile up really quickly, and take you out of the story fast. Rose and Finn suddenly sussing out the First Order’s secret plan. Rey is just innately powerful and doesn’t need more than a day of light training with Luke to be super powerful. Rey repeatedly tries to gain Luke’s trust, going so far as to tell him she’s being completely honest with him, despite lying from the get-go about her connection to Ben. Luke declaring that he’s been cut off from the Force for the past X years so he can plausibly not be aware of all the things he should be aware of, like Ben being inside Rey’s head. Maz tells Finn there’s only one man who can do the job, but then they randomly meet another. Phasma tells her troops to execute Finn slowly, giving him time to escape.

The sheer point of fact is, at least for me, much of the story the film told was exhausting because it required constant and new suspension of disbelief. We are already suspending our disbelief quite a bit for a story of space wizards, so I do not think it’s too much to ask for the story to flow logically, and sensibly.

Implausible Timeline

Ostensibly, from the point at which Finn and Rose contact Maz, all the action is compressed into roughly 12-16 hours (since there’s still about 2 hrs left on the fuel for the fleet when they start to abandon ship in the transports). However, in that time it feels like Rey spends several nights on Ahch-To with Luke, while Finn and Rose spend less than a single night on Canto Bight (they arrive early evening and depart the planet before dawn). Perhaps the two planets have different day/night cycles and this all works out, but to viewing audiences it seriously distorts our understanding of how much time is elapsing in between scenes. There were moments where it felt like Rey was on Ahch-To for days but then we cut back to Finn/Rose and only an hour or two have passed, and then back to the fleet and it feels like no time has passed. It’s not a death knell, but it’s just one more thing that caused a bunch of whiplash when trying to process all the different threads.

Status Quo Reset

This is perhaps my biggest disappointment with the movie, far beyond anything mentioned above. I was truly dismayed that this new trilogy is still retreading the same ground as the previous ones, and more than that it seems to be setting us as close to square one as possible and slowing down the progress enormously. At this point in the film, the Rebellion is smaller than it’s ever been, and the First Order is (somehow) nominally in charge of the galaxy. We’ve been here before--it was the first three movies. Only now we’re back to an almost pre-ANH configuration, with every indication that the story this time will move even slower and with even more unecessary detail and sideplots. I can already see the slave-kid with the Force abilities being the protagonist of the fourth, or fifth, or ninth Star Wars trilogy, and indeed the realization that these movies will be coming out like clockwork every year robs them of their lustre and appeal. If they were telling unique stories, and showing me things I’d never seen before, I’d be more excited. But instead they telling the same old stories, and taking me to the same places, with the same people (or same types of people) and it fundamentally just doesn’t look like they want to go anywhere new.

A huge part of the former Star Wars Expanded Universe was the idea that there’s a huge chunk of the galaxy (at least half of it!) that was unexplored and dangerous. There were whole societies there unlike anything we’d seen, and threats, too. I’m ready for Star Wars to grow up and stop telling the same story about the plucky Jedi taking on Darth Evil and his army of faceless fascists. I’m ready to see Jedi and Sith threatened by some new menace, or the fascists subjugated by anarchists who create their own problems. I’m just ready for there to be new stories, but when I look ahead at the road the franchise is charting for itself, it’s deeply, and stiflingly, familiar.