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#and it’s frustrating because a lot of able bodied people don’t think twice about using the accessible stall
nope-body · 1 year
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#warning for brief mentions of digestive issues and human waste?#it really sucks when your digestive system makes pooping difficult because when that happens#I end up subluxing my hip most of the time? which makes things worse#the only positive is that my hip doesn’t sublux the way it normally does where it feels like I’m being stabbed#instead it subluxes so that my entire leg goes numb and weak#so less pain but more physical difficulty standing up#this is why I use the accessible stall when I have digestive issues- that bar is very helpful for standing back up when my leg can’t#and yeah most of the time my disability is invisible but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect me- just that people don’t see how it affectsme#and I always feel bad using the accessible stall because technically I can still get up if this happens and I’m in a regular stall it’s just#a lot more precarious and half the time I just resort to pushing against the walls but then that has a chance of messing up my shoulders#and it’s frustrating because a lot of able bodied people don’t think twice about using the accessible stall#right now I’m just waiting for my pulse to get back to semi-normal and my leg to not be numb and weak so I can take a shower#I’m able to rest a lot more here than at college which means that I’ve had a lot less flare ups which is great!#but it’s sorta impossible to avoid my symptoms now which sucks#I’ll be walking and turn wrong and my knee will crack in a way it’s not supposed to and I’ll be reminded that my body is like#tower of jenga but with joints and if the wrong joint moves out of place i just fall over#really wishing I had a shower seat right about now#or at least a stool to sit on
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always-outlander · 1 year
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Outlander 7x01 Thoughts & Easter Eggs
Feel free to look below the cut, spoilers ahead!
First episodes are always interesting in that they have so much hype because the fans are starved for new episodes, but they rarely do more than set the table for the rest of the season. A hard thing to juggle and be able to hold peoples attention while also jamming a lot of context clues in there. I think overall this one served its purpose and I felt like it was a wise decision for there to not be a time jump between the last episode of season 6.
That said, we all need to keep in mind the parameters of season 7 going into the rest of the episodes of this first half. The first 4 episodes of season 7 were supposed to be a part of season 6. Then the rest of season 7 was filmed with the creators not knowing if they would be given a season 8, so they jammed 3 books worth of content into it. I don’t know about everyone else, but I certainly felt that pacing and quicker speed in this first episode. With a show and book series which historically takes forever for storylines and payoffs to come to fruition, it’s hard not to feel that change.
Opening scene and “vision” (? Or is it just a thought Jamie has?) of Claire being sentenced was impactful, excellent acting once again by Caitriona. I thought the internal monologue of Jamie knowing she’s not dead was lovely and a smart way to call back their vows. He does so twice in this episode.
Bree & Roger
Bree and Roger are such dweebs and their endless use of puns and 20th century references cracks me up. That said, if they keep it up I’ll get annoyed, sometimes it feels like a cop out for better dialogue and gives the impression that these two never share serious conversations between them. I understand their dynamic is different than Jamie and Claire’s, but there is a fear that the writers are solely using their conversations as the comedic relief points in the show.
Rogers preaching leads him to Indigo Donner (the actor is perfect, he’s a sneaky snake). The fact that Roger may likely have something to do with his escape is the ultimate irony. Especially given the time taken to find the date of the house burning in the future, and that he and Bree came back to try and avoid it.
Claire
Claire’s scenes in the jail cell are great, and the women in the jail were excellent character actors, especially Sadie. When Jamie and Young Ian finally reach the jail we see our first glimpse of vengeful Jamie and while I do sometimes get frustrated with Sam’s use of a furrowed brow, his anger and reactionary body langue is still in line with young Jamie. The continuity of the character has always been impressive to me, right down to his little finger movements and facial twitches.
Claire being a healer in action was so nice to see again, I feel like it’s been a while since she’s been actively healing others. Just like the books, her skills have granted her a literal get out of jail free card.
It may just be me, but I do feel like Claire is now capable of doing some bad things and has a bit more mischief in her eyes in her old age. Jamie is still a hot head willing to break every rule to protect Claire, and her moral compass is the only thing that keeps him in line. But the older she gets, the more Jamie’s willingness to bend the rules is rubbing off on her, and I really love that we don’t always know exactly how Claire is going to react anymore. She’s got a poker face now, and it makes her far more interesting to watch.
Major McDonald on board the ship is from the books but it’s also a great scene to help move the plot along. Governor Martin was a real historical figure and the actor who plays him is another great character actor. Forcing Jamie to gather men for the revolution and pick a side has been the trend of the last 3 seasons so it comes as no surprise that he’s once again being forced to swear loyalties to the crown (and finding a way out of it).
Tom Christie
Mark Lewis Jones as Tom Christie is a wonderful casting. He’s such a strong actor and his portrayal of Tom’s (very unfortunate) unrequited love is perfectly done. The scene where Tom tells Jamie his plan to free Claire was not shown in the books, just implied. Seeing that conversation was a perfect spot for Sam and Mark to wrap a bow around Tom Christie’s character and his relationship with Jamie. The callback of Jamie’s vow to Claire on their wedding night was also a very sweet bit of added dialogue. There are many moments where the show is able to add scenes and dialogue that seamlessly fit into the story, and this is one of them.
The way in which Tom was willing to lay his life aside for Claire was a beautiful thing. Jamie putting aside his pride to allow it was a big moment for him. I also loved the eulogy moment. Jamie giving Tom the eulogy he would have wanted and deserved was such a perfect way to close out their storyline.
The scene between Claire and Tom had so many lovely call backs to the books, and majority of the dialogue was straight from the text. The scene shed light on Tom’s brother, his wife, and the reasons Tom became the man he did. It also shed light on Malva’s upbringing and how that informed Tom’s shaping of his own motive.
Claire seeing through his lies actually reinforces why he fell in love with her. When he tells her that he loves her my heart broke for him, and for Claire. It’s not like she can do anything to persuade him, and she will never reciprocate. His life for hers is the ultimate sacrifice, and a debt she knows she cannot repay to him. I thought the acting of both Cait and Mark shined brightly in this scene.
Jamie
Jamie and Claire’s second reunion is cute, but this goes back to the timing issue I highlighted above. It feels off with all the abruptly cut scenes. In their first reunion, the two share a kiss and the scene immediately cuts to Jamie standing alone in the cabin with governor Martin. Then the second reunion, they meet on the docks and it immediately cuts to them laying in bed. You mean to tell me this man who just traveled for days and moved mountains to find his wife is given a literal peck of a reunion, then we skip their entire conversation and cut to them in bed hours later? It felt like they removed dialogue for the sake of run time and personally, I’d always prefer small talk with Claire and Jamie and a full two minutes of them staring into each others eyes than any B-Roll.
Third strange pacing and editing choice was when Jamie tells Claire to rest and she’s IMMEDIATELY asleep. It’s not even a minute later and he’s able to sneak out on her. At the very least they could have dimmed the lights and implied it has been an hour or so before he left.
But they redeemed themselves with the last scene between Jamie and Mr. Brown, that was great. Now that Jamie’s older and has greater responsibilities we see less of a fire in him. While his love for Claire is still strong, he’s not as reckless. But this scene shows the viewers that the fire is still very much alive in Jamie, along with his tactical mind. Having Ian go back to the ridge to implement his revenge was a great callback to young Jamie and his strengths. One of the best lines of dialogue in YEARS was:
“I’m also a violent man, any goodness that prevails in me is because of my wife. You tried to take her from me.”
THIS is what I hope we get loads of this season.
I’m optimistic after this first episode. Visually it was stunning as always, there was a lot of acting highlights for numerous characters, and the storyline and dialogue stayed true to the books when it needed to, and added more depth and context when necessary.
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noforkingclue · 7 months
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By Any Means Chapter 19 (Malcolm Bright x reader)
By Any Means tag list: @shadowluna25
Prodigal Son tag list: @queenoffandom08, @imwithyoutiltheendofthelinebucky, @stilestotherescue
Malcolm Bright tag list: @v0id-sp1rit, @fansformentalydistroyedmen
Everything tag list: @greenrevolutionary, @byebyebreezywrites, @spngingerbread21, @layazul, @lov3vivian, @simonsbluee
It had been a week.
A whole week since you had seen or heard from Malcolm Bright.
Not that you were keeping track or anything.
Nope.
Certainly not.
You shifted the strap of your bag as you headed up the steps towards the lecture of the day. However you were unable to go into your building. You let out a frustrated groan as you tried to push your way through the crowd. You were already in enough debt, you were going to be damned if you missed one of your few lectures because of a demonstration.
“What the fuck?” you said when you finally managed to push your way to the front
“Haven’t you heard?” someone said next to you, “there’s been a murder.”
“A… murder?”
“Ooh yes,” they looked over at you, a grin of their face, “pretty gory from what I’ve heard. Apparently someone got beheaded.”
“No,” the person on your other side shook his head, “disembowelled. That’s what I’m hearing.”
“Where have you heard this from?” you asked, “getting disembowelled is pretty different from beheading.”
“Oh y’know,” the man shrugged, “here and there. But if you think about it, the two aren’t too different. Both were used as part of executions.”
Another beheading. You pursed your lips in thought as the people around you started arguing but you tuned that out. However, you were dragged back out of your thoughts when you saw Malcolm exit the building. The two of you made eye contact and he gave you a small smile. You could feel your face get hot and you turned on your heel and marched away. You only managed to get a couple of steps when a strong hand curled around our arm.
“We need to interview all the witnesses,” said JT, “and now that you’re here you’re one of them.”
*
“The first I heard about this was when I came here this morning,” you said, several hours later, “believe me, if I had known another murder had taken place I wouldn’t have come.”
“We know.” Said JT
“All I know is that someone has died,” you said, “I don’t even know how they died.”
“We know.” Said Dani
“So why am I here?”
JT and Dani didn’t answer as they led you down the corridors of your university. You hesitated slightly when saw Malcolm and Gil waiting at the end of the corridor.
“You alright?” asked JT
“Yeah, there isn’t a body in there? Heard that someone got disembowelled.”
“Oh no, they wouldn’t have had time to with the time they had. Besides, the head beside the body clearly shows what the cause of death was.”
You jumped slightly and looked at the woman who appeared by your side. She gave you a big grin and held out her hand.
“Edrisa,” she said as you shook it, “and you must be y/n. I’ve heard a lot about you from Malcolm.”
“You have?”
You glanced at Malcolm who had gone slightly pink. He pointedly looked away and Edrisa glanced between you.
“Well,” she said, “he might’ve mentioned you once or twice.”
“While discussing murders?”
Edrisa grinned and nodded. You couldn’t help but smile at her enthusiasm which was contagious. Maybe there was someone else in this team that you liked.
“Look,” said Malcolm, diverting your attention to him, “there has been another murder and we need to know if they’re linked.”
“Surely you’ll be able to do it?” you asked
“I thought it would be best to get a second opinion.”
“Lots of paintings of beheadings,” you said, “might not be linked. Could just be some madman with an axe.”
“Didn’t say it was an axe.” Said Malcolm
“Oh yes, they used a sword instead. Axe is more common. So, what was unusual about this? Besides from the fact that someone is going around cutting people’s heads off?”
“Despite the victim being blindfolded?” Malcolm said as he took a step closer, “and wearing her nightdress.”
“Could be a sex act gone wrong. No need to kink shame Malc.”
Malcolm smiled slightly and shook his head. You rolled your eyes and said,
“What?”
“Malc.” He said with a knowing look
“-olm,” you finished quickly, “Malcolm. This is nothing to do with me. None of it is. Now let me continue with my life.”
You turned on your heel and quickly marched away. Malcolm watched you go and Edrisa looked over at Dani and JT.
“What was weird,” she said, “was the weird? Am I the only one who found that weird?”
“Nah,” said JT, “that’s usual for them.”
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glossyybabie · 1 year
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freedom
part 11 || part 12 || part 13
Summary: Missy gives you a confusing choice.
Warnings: Kidnapping. Torture, as usual. General Missy cruelty to be honest.
Word count: 904
Notes: Took me ages to write this, but mostly because I was procrastinating for two weeks straight, and by procrastinating I mean sitting on my arse and watching The Good Place, teehee. Enjoy.
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Missy didn't let go of your hand, you noticed. She simply wouldn't, even once you had loosened your own grip to subtly signal that you were capable of walking on your own. The only response you received was her grip tightening.
You wondered what kind of punishment this would lead to. You hadn't done anything wrong, you thought, but Missy didn't simply do nice things. She was not nice. On the contrary, unpleasant was a far better word to describe her, and unpleasant people do unpleasant things.
For a fleeting moment, you considered what would happen if you spoke up and asked about where you were going, but you disregarded that idea instantly. Silence was safe, silence stopped her from hurting you as badly. If that was all it took for the woman to loosen her chokehold of your life and safety, you were fine with that.
You quickly recognised where you were. It was that circular room you'd found yourself in on only one occasion, twice if you included that one unexplainable nightmare. You still weren't entirely sure what purpose it served; Missy had yet to explain a lot of things you'd seen, that included.
Your eyes quickly locked on a spot on the floor. Any bloodstains had been cleaned since, but that was far from enough to erase the event from your mind.
Missy steered you around the other side of the room. You weren't even given a moment to dwell on it before she slid open a set of doors, something you'd somehow never even taken notice of before. And now that you were seeing it in full, it was so clearly obvious, but nonetheless a frustrating thing to miss.
The light genuinely hurt your eyes for a few moments. Missy stepped aside and let go of your hand, which made it a little easier for your pupils to adjust. You shielded your eyes with your hand until your vision was clear enough to lower it.
You didn’t know what to think. In front of you was St James’s Park, London. You’d been there a few times before, you recognised it quickly. It was already dark out, with no noise but the distant sound of traffic signifying there was anyone nearby at all.
Your feet were glued to the doorway. You couldn’t move.
You turned to Missy. “What?”
Missy nonchalantly motioned to the open door. “You’ve made it very clear you want to leave, so go on. Give it your best shot.”
A soft breeze touched your face. You hadn’t felt anything like that in years. And when the smallest of raindrops fell onto the back of your hand, you nearly passed out right there and then.
But you swallowed back your hope. “This is a trap.”
“It might be,” Missy agreed. “It might not be. I’m a deranged lunatic, remember? I might’ve just, I don’t know, gotten bored and decided to set you free, sweetheart.”
You stopped to think about it. It would be a risk to take, but you had no idea how great. It was a gamble, and you weren’t sure how you felt about playing with your own life. It would be all too easy for Missy to pull out the rug from beneath you in the worst way possible.
But one foot was already out of the door. Quite literally, and then the other. And then you were standing outside, the light rain wetting your hair and dripping onto your clothes. The ground beneath your feet was so real, as was the cool night air that filled your lungs.
You didn’t look back. You broke into a sprint the moment you were consciously able to. It immediately hurt — your muscles ached from lack of use and the wound on your thigh still hadn’t fully healed — but the pain was incomparable to the adrenaline that kept you moving forwards.
But the pain suddenly grew worse, and it was no longer isolated to just your legs. Your whole body convulsed, and you collapsed under your weight, the side of your face scraping against the cobbled pavement.
“Look at you, Speedy Gonzales.” You heard footsteps, and when you opened your eyes a pair of black boots came into view. “You made it a whole 10 feet from the door.”
Your instincts had you crawling forward against the soreness, but then you were back down with another shock, this one felt right through your abdomen. Your hands curled into fists as the wave of searing pain ripped its way through your side. You were gasping against the ground for air.
Missy made a noise of disapproval. “Don’t be naughty. That’s all you’re getting.”
There was an ongoing urge to try again, but you just felt numb. No matter how much you focused, you could barely move your body by even an inch. Crawling forward was impossible.
Your voice was nothing but a hoarse splutter. "Why?"
Her shoulders moved in a loose shrug. “I'm a deranged lunatic. You thought so yourself," she reminded you. "Come on, poppet, back inside.”
Your body protested as her arms wrapped around you, scooping you up helplessly from the pavement. You were too weak to feel pathetic. The rain was starting to worsen, water dripping from your eyebrows and catching on your cold lips.
Missy had no trouble walking you inside — her strength was as inhuman as she was. Because that’s exactly what she was: inhuman.
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growsagain · 10 months
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hello.. fellow trans guy feedee here..
how the hell do you look fatter AND cuter than me at 15 stone while i’m at 22 stone/310 pounds and probably shorter than you??? (you give off tall trans guy energy)(/nm at you).. and it’s not just you, it’s other gainer accounts as well. i’ve seen at least three other people with my height (1.6 meters/5 feet 4 inches) look so much more gigantic and have cuter bellies than me and weighing 6-7 stone less. i’m not mad at anyone in particular.. i’m kinda just frustrated at how my body stores fat. a lot of it goes to my thighs and arms and not a lot goes to my belly. i want to get one of those big giant cute round bellies.. and all i got a hanging flabby stomach with a muffin top.. which is nice i guess but it doesn’t jut outward as much as i would like it to and it’s not what i want for myself.
i’ve started getting discouraged from eating and gaining more. the depression that comes with this frustration doesn’t help my appetite. i saw you giving advice to another anon and was wondering if you had any to give me. sorry for the ask being more on the venty side. i just finished a binge and ate my feelings in the form of booze and mcdonald’s.. so yeah.. any advice is appreciated. love your blog and you’re awesome as hell.
Anon, if you can please send me a message I can reply to privately. There’s a lot going on here, and I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, I get it, I really do.
I totally understand if that’s something you don’t feel ready to do, but I’m here any time. I’ll do my best to give a more general reply here but I know my answer will get wordy so I’ll put it under a cut. However, I think for *anyone* who is feeling low or frustrated about their gains in some way it might be helpful too. I’ve been there, a lot, so I get it, I really do.
I think there’s an unhealthy side to the gaining/feedee community and I’m not talking about the physical effect of gaining, I’m talking about the way we compare ourselves to each other all the time, or if we don’t do it then sometimes the people who follow us do. I think falling into the trap of constantly comparing yourself with others is harmful whether you’re comparing your weight, your skills, your talents or anything else. It stops you seeing how far *you’ve* come, or focusing on where your strengths are. There have been times in the past where I’ve been very frustrated, looking at other people and seeing them gain so fast, or in all the right ways and all the right places. I regret letting that get to me so much now because I have SO much respect now for my body and all it’s gone through for me.
The fact is, we are all different and none of us know how we’ll look or feel as we gain. A number of factors affect the way weight is carried; hormones, genetics, activity levels, muscle and of course the way, amount and kinds of foods you eat. The three times in my life I’ve been biggest I’ve actually carried the weight completely differently every time. The first time I was very unhappy, in all my old videos I felt like my weight distribution was far too feminine and didn’t feel like it had any real bulk to it. In 2020 when I was able to get to my highest weight it settled totally differently, and this time I look very different again.
I’m really not tall, but I’m very flattered you say I give those vibes, I was bullied mercilessly through my childhood for being so short, actually. I had a weird few inches of extra growth after starting hormones which was very unexpected (I think my first puberty pretty much stalled so I guess it was completing the job) but I’m still only an inch or two taller than you.
I actually look and feel a lot bigger now than I did at my highest weight, and I don’t know why but there are two factors which might be affecting that and might be of help to you. One is that I’ve been lifting weights during the whole time i’ve been gaining seriously this time. I actually started building muscle twice before in the past year and a half but both times I got very sick my progress all faded away to nothing so I had to start over (I have been pretty seriously ill.) This time I’ve managed to keep up the eating and the gaining which have kept my health steadier and have definitely helped me building muscle too. I feel like it’s had a very profound effect on my weight distribution this time around and I feel much more equipped physically to carry it too (my ideal body type for me personally would be like a world’s strongest man contender, fat and stacked!)
The second thing is that really my entire gain has been made through proper meals and good, staple foods. I know I’m retreading ground I covered in the other ask I answered but I genuinely think this is worth thinking about. I’ve *tried* gaining through all the standard methods, stuffing with fatty or sugary junk, trying to pack in easy calories, and it doesn’t work for me. It’s harder for my body to cling onto those calories and the gains I did make that way reversed very quickly if I didn’t keep it up. Maybe because of the lifting my body is reading the mass of carbs through things like pasta, bread etc as fuel that needs to be stored for exercise and is placing it where it’s easiest to pull from, I don’t know! I just know this time around has been very different and very pleasing and I think the fact I was eating very different foods each three times I gained a large amount may have accounted for the difference in where it was stored as much as anything else did.
Of course, those are only things I can suggest based on my own experience - I’m not a doctor, nor an expert on biology in any way, just a Feedee who’s been doing this a long time and has a lot of experience to share now.
This isn’t advice I would give lightly but given everything you’ve said I wonder if it might be time for you to think about taking a break, both from gaining and from the community? I apologise if this isn’t what you want to hear but I’d rather be a friend than a fantasy dispenser. Gaining should be fun and when it starts causing you depression then I think it’s time to take a step away and look at what’s really going on.
Being a trans feedee comes with all its own separate sets of issues and for me there are deeper parts of transitioning and my own dysphoria that I am always fighting and dealing with. Gaining certainly helps with some of that, in other ways it makes it harder, and then on top of that there’s the frustration of being unable to control where your gains settle or how you’ll look or feel as you grow. It’s *hard* putting your body through changes, it’s as scary as it is exciting and we have little control over the outcomes. It’s a LOT to deal with sometimes.
By the weight you’ve given in your ask you’re already considerably heavier than me, and heavier than I will probably ever be able to grow. I can’t imagine being that much heavier than I am right now! A lot of my belly is down to the amount of food I eat in a day, and I do mean throughout the day rather than as binges. Keeping my digestive system full keeps my gut jutting out a lot more, when I wake up in the morning my belly is much flatter.
If you’re unhappy with the way your weight has settled it might even be a good idea to lose a little, maybe build some muscle if you haven’t already, and then kind of see that as a reset for gaining afresh. While my weight loss is only ever down to health scuppering me for a while I do think that it enabled my body to rebuild the fat differently each time. It’s still a lottery but sometimes that can make a real difference.
And either way, for your own happiness, a break might do you some good, mentally more than physically I mean. It doesn’t have to be a long break. Just a little headspace for yourself. Gaining is competitive by it’s very nature, you’re in constant competition with yourself even if you don’t compare your gains to others. That becomes exhausting after a while and can utterly destroy your enjoyment of being a feedee. It can even destroy your enjoyment of food, and I’d hate to see that happen. Food should be a joy and a pleasure 😊
I really can identify with what you’re going through, and I really have been there. But remember how far you’ve come and what you and your body have achieved so far. You’re doing amazing as you are, this stuff is HARD and I’m proud of you for the amount you’ve gained through your journey! I’m only at 15 stone after 10 years! If you’d like to talk more my ask box is always open 💙
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lets-talk-spirituality · 11 months
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Need some advice if you’re feeling up to it. I overheard my friends commenting on my appearance, while they were well aware that I have been trying to lose weight and it made me so sad. I wouldn’t have minded if they had just been curious and asked me questions about it if it was that pressing to them, but what they don’t know is that I have a medical condition that makes it very difficult to metabolize and I’ve been doing my best. Just hurt my soul to hear the comments come from people I cared about. What do I do?
I think if you value these friends and truly believe they value you, you should talk to them. Maybe write it out if you need to send it as a letter. I know I’m better in written words sometimes.
Expressing your hurt to them can be vulnerable but also they don’t know you are hurt if you don’t tell them. Also not telling them prevents them the opportunity to learn from the experience. Maybe you expressing your pain at their words teaches them a lesson and helps them become more empathetic.
I think it’s important to examine your own pain. I’ve struggled with my body and weight my whole life. So I really do understand what you’re struggling with. My struggle with weight was tied to mental health issues, hormones and a lot of trauma I went through. I imagine it feels really out of your control with your condition and that it probably makes you feel defeated and frustrated that your body won’t just do what you want. I think you should examine what that pain is telling you. Is it part of a bigger wound? For me, my body image is tied to my feelings of not being good enough to be loved. So when I have thoughts about my weight I know it comes from the real wound. Identifying the underlying wound can help you be nicer to yourself. I’m much less horrible to my body now because I’m like it’s not my body that makes me unlovable. It’s not my body that makes me not good enough because I already am. It’s not easy to fight your mind but it does get easier when you stop blaming your body for other wounds.
I think too, examining how you care for yourself. Like for me, I did struggle with exercising unhealthily because it helped with my mental so much (I used to workout twice a day for hours even injured. Not great.) but I always felt better about my body when working out. Exercise is not about aesthetics for me, it’s much more about connecting to your body, and challenging your physical abilities. It can feel really good when you notice exercises becoming easier or you’re better at something. Like I did this hike months ago, before I did Pilates, and I was dying. Recently, it was a lot easier and that was awesome to feel and see that progress! To feel my body being stronger. Maybe you can try to use exercise this way too, because honestly it’s helped me with my relationship with my body so much. I see us more as a team and less as this rejected part of me that I abuse. I feel more connected and grounded in my body than I ever have.
I feel the same about eating. I think eating well is important but also eating what you want matters too. I hope you aren’t going to any extremes to try to fit an ideal. I fought my body for years trying to be an ideal and it was brutal. I think trying to connect with your body as it is is so critical. Learning how to talk and listen to it again. So now I try to eat more intuitively, based on what sounds good and what my body wants. I also eat a lot less eating intuitively and I’m actually at the lowest weight I’ve ever been and maintaining it. And I don’t eat the best always. I eat out a lot.
I think sometimes our bodies carry extra weight because it’s protecting itself from our own self critique. So I think healing that can help your body release weight. And idk about your condition but I did have PCOS and I was able to heal a lot of the issues from that disease by losing weight (something that’s really hard to do with that condition). So maybe this isn’t a condition you’ll always have. Maybe this condition is giving you this chance to work on your relationship with your body.
Also I’m not trying to suggest at all that you should be losing weight or trying to. I’m just sharing about my journey with my weight and body. I don’t think you should feel like you need to lose weight to be accepted. I’m just suggesting and sharing what helped me become healthier in my relationship with my body.
I’m really sorry your friends hurt you that way. And maybe it was coming from true concern. My sister recently has been gaining a lot of weight because of hormonal and mental health issues and we talk about it because I care. I didn’t know that’s why she was gaining weight. I don’t know what they said, but sometimes people do say painful things but their intentions aren’t necessarily to hurt you.
I really hope any of this helps you. I love you and I’m sending you some of the cocky energy I’ve recently been feeling deeply. You’re a goddess and emperor and a powerful badass human. It’s crazy what your body can do. Finding gratitude for what you body does accomplish can be so helpful as well. We’re all sending you good vibes ✨💕
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scarlettriot · 3 years
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Along for the Ride PT 1
Pairing: KirishimaxF!Reader
Summary: A drunken mistake had you marking the little Plus One box to your snobby cousin's wedding. Kirishima told you not to worry, if you couldn't find a date, he'd go with you. When the wedding gets moved up, there's absolutely no time to find a date and you're now about to be traveling to America with Kirishima on a private jet no less, dreading having him meet your rude and impossibly arrogant family.
Contains: Kirishima and Reader both come from very well-off families. Plus-Sized Reader. Fluff. Hurt/Comfort.
Warnings: Kinda smutty for a minute. Minors DNI. Drunken Sex. TW: Manipulative Family Relationships. TW: Body Image Issues
A/N: This story has been rolling around in my head for a while now. I might rewrite this and repost. Or I might just post the whole thing soon. I dunno yet. It does get smuttier.
Word Count: 4,974
"What's up with Y/N?"
Eijiro stepped out of the locker room with a towel slung over his shoulder and made his way into the kitchenette where Mina was chugging a bottle of water before getting back to her patrol. His eyes were trained on their mutual friend out on the patio, pacing.
You had your phone pressed to your ear, the high neck of your hero costume unzipped to your collarbone and he noticed your gloves discarded on a chair.
"No clue." Mina shrugged. "She got back from patrol and she noticed a bunch of missed calls from her mom. She's been out there, flailing on the phone for the last fifteen minutes now."
The three of you had met in your second year at UA when you transferred into their class and were quickly accepted by their little squad of friends. You were a bit quiet at first but quickly found comfort in the group. Eijiro had grown especially close to you when you both interned with Fat Gum.
Late nights traveling on the train back to school, a few close calls while helping patrol, and days spent playing cards while you both healed up in the hospital left plenty of time for Eijiro to get to know you better than most. It was how he knew you had a pretty bad relationship with your family, why you hated returning home for the holidays almost as much as you hated any and all forms of tomatoes.
He considered going out there just to see if there was anything he could do but before he had the chance, you were sliding the glass door open. "Oh, good, you're back." He offered you a bottle of water for your throat that he assumed was sore after that argument. "I- um- can I borrow you for a second? Alone?"
Mina snorted a laugh. "If you guys wanna bang it out on the counter you can just say so. I gotta go to work anyways."
Eijiro threw the towel at her as she left the room leaving you two alone. "What's goin' on?"
You hoisted yourself up on the countertop while he leaned against the fridge. "You remember my cousin's wedding that's happening this winter?"
He nodded. He vividly remembered the both of you getting waste a few weeks ago when you were filling out the RSVP and accidentally marking 'plus one'. Then you ran around trying to find White Out but he'd told you if you didn't find a date or have a significant other by the time of the wedding, he'd just go with you.
You argued that your family was bat shit crazy, had more money than they could spend in their lifetime and because of that, they were among some of the rudest people you knew, and you didn't want Eijiro or anyone else around that.
The thing was, Eijiro already knew that and was still okay with going. He came from money too. A lot of it. His family was just more welcoming than yours, the wealth never really going to their heads. But, he reminded you that he'd ran into enough people like those in your family that he knew how to handle them. You finally agreed to let him accompany you, leaving the plus one box checked but the name line blank.
"Well, my cousin just found out that surprise, she's pregnant! And, obviously, she can't have a wedding while seven months along so they've decided to move the wedding up to this weekend."
He nearly choked on his own spit. "This weekend? As in four days from now?"
"Yup! Saturday at 4 in the evening. Oh! No one's supposed to know she's pregnant either. So, I'm just supposed to compliment her on how flattering her dress looks, how thin she is," Your hands strangled the water bottle between them, "And I have to find something flattering to my figure because my mother has seen me in my hero outfit and she's so glad I wear a mask because if anyone knew her daughter ran around looking like I do, well, it'd ruin her!"
You massaged your temples circling back to the actual point, "Anyways, I just wanted to bitch for a sec and let you know you're off the hook since four days is just a little short notice and I told her my plus one wouldn't be able to get the time off that fast."
He pushed off the fridge. "Well, wait, hang on! I'm not letting you go in alone to deal with them! Hell no! You need backup!" You looked almost taken aback by his abruptness, "Yeah. I can work this out. Is the wedding at the same place it was supposed to be or has it moved?"
"No, it's still that fancy lodge in California. I was planning on leaving Friday morning and then coming back either Sunday night or Monday morning since my mother insists I go to their brunch the following day. But, Eijiro, I already have this weekend off..."
"Denki owes me a favor or twelve. He's supposed to be off this weekend too, I'll just see if he can cover me."
"And if he can't?"
"Then..." He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead, "Y/N, am I feeling warm to you? I think I might be starting a fever!"
You folded your arms, shaking your head, "Thought you said lying isn't manly."
"Technically, correct. But, what would be real unmanly is for me to let you deal with your family's bullshit all alone." You watched him closely, "To be honest, I'm sure we could just explain you had a family thing come up and asked me to come along for moral support. I don't really think anyone would think twice about it. Hell, you took a few days off to console me when my turtle died suddenly!"
"Eiji, you refused to eat."
"And you brought me my favorite dumplings! Same thing!"
You might have shaken your head at him but your arms opened wide. The telltale sign you wanted affection. He walked forward, consuming you in a tight hug. Your arms latched around his neck, face buried in the hollow of his throat. "You're the best."
"I just do what I can."
>>><<<
You should have canceled. Instead of Eijiro faking sick to get out of work, you should have faked it with your mother so you didn't have to go in the first place. You crumpled to the floor of your bedroom in pure frustration amidst the twenty or so outfits and dozen pairs of shoes you'd thrown out of your closet trying to find something that your mother would deem appropriate.
It wasn't your fault you had a fuller figure. You worked out, ate right, not to mention your job kept you very active, and yet your, hips, ass, and breasts were by no means subtle.
Your mother had also insisted on the dress being floor-length and modern, "Do try not wearing all black. It's a wedding, not a funeral. And, get your hair looking natural, please." And, just like that, 70% of your wardrobe was out the window!
"It's open!" You called from the floor when the doorbell rang.
"You really should lock this." Mina tutted, walking through the door with a bag full of takeout.
"I do. At night."
"Honey, it's 9 PM."
"Night like bedtime."
Mina just rolled her eyes and walked into your tiny kitchen. "I see the dress hunt is going well."
"I actually figured it out!" You got off the floor, careful not to step on a heel as you made your way to the pink haired woman, "I'm just gonna go in my birthday suit. I figured, my mother made my body technically therefore she can't disapprove of it. Because, you know, she's never done anything wrong in her life!"
Your best friend snorted out a laugh and passed you the take-out container stuffed full of stir fry. "you're a wonderful person, you know that?" You loved the fact Mina didn't even have to ask what you wanted.
"If you'd just move closer to work then you could pick it up yourself and I wouldn't have to bring it to you."
"Too expensive." You declared after a mouthful. "You pay almost twice as much as I do per month and I just don't see the point. I have damn near the same amount of space you do for half the cost!"
You adored your small one-bedroom apartment. It was perfect. Right above a bakery that you visited each morning after your run and a little balcony that provided you with the most stunning view of the sunset.
"You and Kiri, I swear." Mina just shook her head and curled up with her food on the loveseat. "I thought he'd end up with the biggest house out of us all the moment we started making that real Pro money. You've seen his parent's house. It's massive! You could get lost in that place!"
Eijiro's place was barely bigger than your own. He lived in the same condo he had since you'd graduated UA, claiming it was perfect for him in each and every way. But, you knew that he donated a sizable amount of his paycheck every month to charities, the same as you. With savings to spare, neither of you saw the point in hoarding it and therefore the small condo was all he could afford with what he actually kept.
"Just don't understand how a guy that big can live in such a tiny little space. At least with you, it's you know, physically feasible."
Eijiro's bedroom was barely large enough to fit the king-sized bed the man needed to sleep comfortably and even then, his feet were dangerously close to dangling off the bed. And, as if the man's ears were burning, your cell phone went off under a pile of discarded shoes.
Shark-E: Figured out your dress situation? If not, I'm just gonna pack like ten different ties and hope for the best.
You: Yeah! I totally did! I'm just gonna wear this birthday suit I got and call it a night.
You chuckled at your own joke all over again. Watching the grey ellipses appear and then vanish, appear and vanish again. After a third time, you took pity on the man.
You: Joking, Ei. I still don't have it figured out but Mina's over so, hopefully, she can help.
Shark-E: Gonna give me a damn heart attack! Seriously, I wouldn't put it past you just to see the look on your mom's face. Tell Mina hi and good luck to you. I vote the dress from the Hero Gala two years ago.
You: Hi from Mina. Can't. Too much boobs.
Shark-E: You take that back right now! There is NEVER such a thing as too much boobs!
You chuckled to yourself, putting your phone down, and then finished off the last of your delicious dinner, thinking about the dress Eijiro mentioned.
You wondered if maybe there was a way you could make the thing work but it was so very low cut. So much tape had been used to make sure no slips happened but damn was it worth it! The beaded bodice with the sparkling long sleeves, gods, how you loved that dress.
"I'm inclined to agree with our shark boy. You're busty, who gives a damn. You looked hot as hell in that dress."
"My mother, that's who. As much as I'd like to not give a flying fuck what she thinks, for some dumb reason, I do. On top of her telling me that the amount of cleavage I would show would be vastly inappropriate for a wedding, she'd also say the way it hugs my hips makes them look too fat."
Mina rolled her eyes. "She's such a piece of work." Pushing herself up, she held her arms out to you, wiggling little pink fingers for you to take. "Come on then. Let's get you sorted."
"What about that one you wore to the charity art thingy with Kyoka last winter? The one with the silver top."
"Silver is too close to white." You called out from within your closet.
"What! Not true!"
"You know that. I know that. Every person with two brain cells knows that, which is why most of my family does not know that."
"Fine..." She whined and started sifting through the opposite end of your closet. "Oh, what about this?" Mina waved about the blue and green plaid skirt that made up your uniform from your middle school days when you lived in America. "Please try this on. I'm begging!"
You were pretty sure it wouldn't even go over your thighs anymore.
"It's got a better chance of fitting you!"
Mina threw it at you anyway. Slipping off the sweats you wore, somehow, someway, you were able to tug it on AND get it zipped, barely. It no longer covered your ass but you still enjoyed the way it swished around when you wiggled your hips.
"You could be fulfilling so many people's fantasies right now." Mina mused.
You pulled the skirt off and sweats back on, throwing the former back at her. "Yeah, you can take it and go fulfill Hanta's fantasies if you like. Not like I've got anyone to impress." You pulled down a dress you bought on sale a year ago but Mina was quick to dismiss it.
Too puffy, she said and then held up one that was from Momo. "I needed to get it shortened and I don't have time for that now."
"Wait..." She hummed and dropped the Momo dress. "I know what it should be!"
Mina hurried through the closet, grumbling about not finding it. "Just tell me which dress and I can tell you where it's at."
"It's that one you got for grad night and then you got sick and couldn't go!"
"Mina, Mina I can't wear that! That's actual vintage, not like, made-to-look-vintage!"
"But it's so elegant and has that off-the-shoulder sleeve thing. The wedding is at a damn sky lodge! It'll look so pretty in the snow! Ah! Found it!"
She yanked up the long, elegant gown from the garment bag you'd never removed it from. There wasn't a single wrinkle in the burgundy fabric. It looked just as beautiful as the day you found it in that second-hand store, on a mannequin with gaudy stage jewels that you just had to buy so the look was complete.
You ran the back of your hand over the velvety fabric, soft to the touch. "It'll be too tight now. If I was the same size I was at graduation-"
"Bullshit!" Mina cut you off with a dismissive hand, "You've got hips now. We aren't 18 anymore! It's not like it's some clubbing dress. And I bet no one would say a damn thing about your figure if they knew how easily you could crush them with those thighs!"
A smirk tugged at the corner of your lips. Without quirks, you gave every single one of your classmates a run for their money in hand to hand. Most were fairly easy to beat. You could usually take down Eijiro in about five or six minutes and Katsuki in half the time. Funny enough, it was Ochaco that gave you the hardest time.
"I'll consider it. But help me find something else just in case."
>>><<<
It was another two hours before you finally agreed on an a-line, empire waist green and gold number that had been the bridesmaid's dresses for Tetsutetsu's wedding. Mina thought they were a crime the first time they had to wear them, she had no idea what you were thinking.
That's why the moment you were preoccupied with trying to find yet another dress for the Sunday brunch, Mina pulled out her phone.
You: DO NOT, under any circumstances, allow Y/N to wear the green dress. She's bringing two because she can't decide. Red is the winner!
Jaws: Aw, come on. If she likes it, let her wear whatever she's comfortable in. She'll be under enough stress already.
You: Kirishima, it's the dress from Tetsu's wedding. The one that looks sparkly baby food.
It took him a second to respond.
Jaws: Alright. Understood. I thought you guys looked good but damn, she hated that dress.
You: We all did.
Mina looked at the message chain again and couldn't help but asked, "Are we just gonna ignore the fact that you and Eiji are flying all the way to America, last minute, to attend a wedding together, even though you're not together?"
"We've flown to the states before."
"For work!" She sat up eagerly. "This is different, Y/N! This is a date and not just a, like, casual date but a wedding date!"
You poked your head out of the closet. "No, it isn't. This is a friend helping another friend who stupidly mismarked an RSVP." You corrected very plainly but Mina wasn't one to give up so easily.
She whined, dragging out your name, "You guys have been doing this thing for ages. Why do you have to be so stubborn about it all!"
"What's that supposed to mean!"
Mina started ticking off points on her fingers. "He was the first person you opened up to at UA. You saved his life when he was busy saving Katsuki's life second year. You spent all that time interning together, became sidekicks together. Went to America together for three whole months, ALONE, and you honestly expect me to think there's nothing between the two of you!"
The truth of it all was simple really; 17 year old you had a massive crush on Eijiro Kirishima. He was sweet, always listening to you, providing comfort when you needed it, and always encouraging you to push your limits. He was bright and honest, a little slow in the head from time to time but that made him all the more endearing.
He was also head over heels in love with Katsuki Bakugo.
It was why you never made a move. Never spoke a word of the feelings you harbored. You didn't dare to cross that line with him because you couldn't ever hold a candle to the explosive man.
In the three years Eijiro and Katsuki spent together, your brain finally started registering Eijiro as just a friend, nothing more, and certainly nothing less. You thought your heart had followed suit but it was becoming more and more apparent that wasn't the case. Because the night he showed up at your door, tears in his ruby eyes, every lock you put on your heart broke open.
The same way you couldn't hold a candle to Katsuki, Eijiro couldn't hold one to Izuku. You knew exactly what he was feeling even if you never intended to tell him. Too overcome with fear. If Katsuki came back... that'd be it. Eijiro would go back and you wouldn't even blame him!
Still, the redhead consumed a decent chunk of your heart though, you couldn't deny that after the three months you spent together in America, gathering intel on a smuggling ring, living in the same apartment. The groggy, 'good mornings' when his voice was still scratchy with sleep, hair falling in his eyes. The late nights bandaging wounds and killing cheap bottles of wine while watching terrible American reality shows.
It was those bottles of wine that did you in on your second to last night in America. Supplying you with courage and draining your sense of reason, allowing you to crawl onto his lap, into his arms. You could still remember the pressure of his lips on yours, those sharp teeth gently dragging along your lower lip.
Scared hands tracing the curve of your ass before taking handfuls to squeeze. The laugh that came from you was unlike anything you heard before, something so genuine that you couldn't reproduce.
How it felt when he lifted you up and took you to his bed, laying you down taking his time removing your clothes, and watching with awe as you pulled away his own. The way he looked over top of you, his hair a curtain of red around you just before you closed your eyes, gasping while he filled you.
You also remembered the guilt that crept into your head during the wee hours of the morning, the doubt that was louder than the snores coming from behind you.
It made you slip from under his massive arm, gather up your clothes from his floor, you tucked the blanket around him, and pressed a kiss to his temple before padding out of the room.
You told yourself you'd talk to him about it if he brought it up, but he never did. Not the next morning, or night, not on the plane ride back home, nor anytime since. It was a memory you'd hold close to your heart, one you wouldn't let slip away or share.
"There's nothing there, Mina. We're just good friends is all." You lied with a smile on your face, something that had become surprisingly easy to do.
If only you knew that Mina saw right through it. That Mina already knew the truth of it all.
>>><<<
It was nearly one in the morning when your phone rang. The goofy picture of Eijiro with face half painted at a festival a few years back never failed to make you grin.
"It's a little late." You answered by way of greeting.
"Don't pretend like you were anywhere close to sleeping, you little night owl."
Chuckling at the nickname that had followed you since high school, "What's up, Eiji?"
"I was going over flights. You said in the office that you wanted to leave on Friday?"
"Yeah. I have patrol tomorrow and I didn't find any flights after 6 PM so, Friday is the earliest."
He was quiet on the other line for a moment. "Yeah, you don't have patrol tomorrow, or work at all for that matter."
You sat up a bit straighter in bed. "Um, yes I do."
"No, you don't. I called Mina, asked her if you'd mind taking that shift for you and, since she knows what's happening, she agreed the extra day for travel would do you some good. So, she's covering you tomorrow then you're off work until next Wednesday. As for me, thanks to all that overtime I put in when Denki, Kyoka, and Hitoshi got married, the three of them are splitting up my days so I have until Wednesday too."
Eijiro sounded impossibly proud on the other line, you could almost see the smirk on his face. "You've got this all planned out, don't you?"
"And a bag nearly packed. Just need you to tell me what ties to bring."
"Gold, burgundy, and black."
"Thought your mom said no black for you?"
"She said no black for the wedding. She said nothing about black at the brunch!"
You couldn't wait to put on the tea-length dress that had been a favorite for years. Satin with a lacy top and, best of all, pockets.
He let out a rumbling laugh that fell off into comfortable silence as you laid back in your bed, lights still on, the room still a mess. You tapped the speaker icon and laid the phone on the pillow right beside your head, listing to the various sounds of Eijiro moving around.
A door creaking open, a hanger clattering against another, and a zipper. "And just like that, I'm all set."
"Don't forget your passport or hero license."
"I have one in my wallet and the other in my backpack."
You swiped up on your iPad, off Netflix, and going to google, lazily searching through flights. "So, did you find any good flights since you've clearly been looking?"
Another chuckle, "Eijiro, why are you laughing?" More stifled giggles had you sitting up in bed again. "Just tell me a site you were on. They're just flights, what's so funny?"
"There isn't a site."
"You said you were checking flights."
"And I was... on my family's jet."
"Eiji! No! No, no, no! That is supposed to be for their business or hero things! My stupid cousin's wedding is neither of those things!"
"Relax, Y/N. My family has multiple and they don't have any business trips planned right now anyways. I already cleared it with my mom. Seriously, I just mention your name and she's likely to let me have it for a whole year at least. Plus Todoroki's is back up in working order so the agency is covered too."
Damn, why'd he have to be so good at planning from time to time! You'd completely forgotten about the second jet his family had. Always opting for the larger one since the few missions they needed it for required them to bring fifty or so heroes along.
"Besides, if we fly private, we can land at an airstrip closer to the venue and won't need to drive four hours on top of a ten-hour flight."
"Alright, okay, thank you but, let me take care of the rental car, please. It's the least you can let me do."
"Deal. I just have one more question for ya."
"What's that?"
"Wanna leave tonight?"
You nearly dropped your damn iPad in shock. "Eijiro! What the fuck has gotten into you! It's the middle of the night!"
"I'm excited!" He boomed, "I haven't had a vacation in months!"
"I hate to break this to you, buddy, but this isn't going to be a vacation. You really shouldn't get your hopes up. This isn't going to be a good time with laughs and fun memories... my family, they just, they aren't those kinds of people."
"But we are." He stated matter-of-factly. "If they want to have sticks up their asses then let them! We'll have a good time on our own, laugh and make fun memories! So, what do you say, Y/N? I can be at your place in fifteen. I just gotta put shoes on and grab my keys..."
"Wait, hang on. Are you forgetting that we need someone to, oh, I dunno, FLY THE PLANE! Actually, we need two someone's, can't forget about a co-pilot!"
He hummed happily and you rubbed your temples. "You, you have a pilot and a co, don't you, Eiji?"
"Mhm! There is a company we use. Two can be at the hanger in an hour and every hour after that. I just have to make the call and get the flight plan approved which will be done before I even get to your house."
There was literally no reason to say no. You had mostly everything packed, nothing you needed to get from the store, all you had to do was put on pants and pack up your hygiene bag and you were ready too. Maybe getting there quicker and getting the whole thing over with would be better than staying home dwelling on everything.
"Better put your shoes on."
The glee in his voice, that was enough to make this whole thing worth it, "I'll see you soon."
>>><<<
Eijiro reached into the backseat and plopped a bag down on your lap the very moment you were buckled in. "Had to make a pit stop." He explained.
"It's after two in the morning, where'd you have to..."
"Just open the bag and don't complain."
You found it filled to the brim with all your favorite snacks.
"I'm sure the plane will have a bunch of snacks we can raid but I know for a fact they don't have these." He held up a pack of cookies and creme flavored pocky that had been his favorite for as long as you'd known him, quickly followed by your favorite flavor too. You also found a massive bag of gummy worms and jolly ranchers.
"So, what you're telling me is our teeth are going to rot by the time we land? Not that I'm complaining."
You ripped open the bag of ranchers knowing that was what he'd go for first and sure enough his hand dove inside just as he pulled away from the curb. You could hear his dangerously sharp teeth biting through the rock candy like it was nothing while you still rolled one around your mouth.
Eijiro asked you about the resort you'd be going to, wondering if you'd been there before or what other stuff you guys could do when you weren't dealing with your family. "I figured we could fly back Monday night or Tuesday morning, you know, just play it by ear in case there was anything else we wanted to do."
More than anything, you wished you could just leech a little bit of that excitement from him. The glimpses of his smile you caught as you drove under the street lights made your heart ache.
"What?" He asked with that wide smile of his. You'd been caught staring, red-handed.
"I, uh, I just don't know what to tell you."
You could see the subtle change of his grin, watch as it softened and his hand came to rest on your thigh. "Hey, it's gonna be fine! And if we run into them while out doing stuff, you can just avoid them or hide behind me!" At least hiding behind Eijiro is an easy thing to do, damn mountain of a man.
His thumb slowly brushed back and forth. "'S gonna be okay. I'll beat 'em up if they're assholes!"
You snickered at his Katsuki impression and let the drone of the radio fill the air around you both. Enjoying the silence the rest of the way to the hanger with Eijiro's hand atop your leg.
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bonny-kookoo · 3 years
Text
Rabbit Boy | JJK x Reader | 🔞
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Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader
Wordcount: 10.3k (Long)
Genre: Romance, Friends/strangers to lovers, Smut, BDSM because I'm making that a genre now
Tags/Warnings: BDSM themes (please I'm begging you stop reading my shit if it makes you uncumfortable), mentions of restrainment, light shibari, edging, orgasm denial (very mild), Subspace, Domspace because yes thats a thing, Dom/sub dynamics, Biting, Oral (m and f receiving), riding, and not the horseback kind if you know what I mean, protected sex yes, we love an organized household, there's just so much sweet filth istg
Summary: Jungkook is wild, untamed, and doesn't really commit to anyone for long. But maybe, you're his only exception in this world. Maybe, you're really that perfect partner he's been looking for.
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Jungkook likes to think of himself as an artist.
Sure, if people knew exactly what the young man does in his freetime (or as a side job, don't judge, we all want to make money out of our hobbies stop lying to yourself), they would surely look at him differently.
But he's an artist, nonetheless.
Technically, Jungkook also doesn't need to do what he does simply for the money. No, his main job pays very well- considering that he's one of the top elite in his genre of games. He doesn't just merely play and win a game; Jungkook, just like most things he touches, claims complete ownership of the match he's fighting. It's a well known fact that he's someone who likes things for himself. He loves control, craves to lead, and hates to be belittled.
Oh and yeah- financially, investing in an indie-game three years back had also done his bank account some good.
Now, at an age where he can be fully considered a man, and not a boy anymore, he craves control in different aspects of life- and love.
Jungkook has a problem however.
He's wild.
Not in the way one might think he is (although several people could argue that yes, that's also the case in bed..) but generally. He loves to control- but he hates to be tied down.
And a mindset like that doesn't work well with relationships.
He's had them before, don't get him wrong. He's had numerous in the past, but they all either broke apart because he would hold that particular desire back, making him antsy and moody, or he would welcome his partners into his world, and become uncomfortable with the way things would progress.
No, he doesn't want to experiment. He knows exactly what he wants, and if that means he's 'close-minded' and a bad person, then so be it for him.
He never liked the constant company in his apartment anyways.
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"Ah, I've seen her before. She's usually a regular for Yoongi though." Taehyung says, checking a name for Jungkook, who's doodling on a napkin while he waits for his new appointment to show up. "I see. I forgot that Yoongi took some days off recently- that's probably why she's now under your hand." He explains, and Jungkook huffs, his blonde hair tickling his cheek.
"So I'll have to adjust? I mean, Yoongi's style is pretty different from mine." The young man says, not looking up. He simply continues his little sketch of braided hair, while the lanky guy behind the counter clicks away on his laptop.
"Probably? I can't check the logs since they're private, but from what I know Yoongi only did the usual with her." he explains, shrugging as he looks at his friend and colleague. "I can re-schedule her to Hoseok if you want?" He asks, and Jungkook, after finishing his drawing, lets the pen fall and stretches.
"Yeah, that would probably be best. Wouldn't know what to do if she drops- rather not have him rip my head off, thanks." He says, before he gets up.
"Ah- you're still coming over tonight right? Y/N said she's gonna cook for us." He says, and Jungkooks body shivers a little.
Your name is nothing new to him, but the reaction to it most certainly was. You're a friend of Yoongi and Hoseok, having joined in on their gaming nights a few months ago after Yoongi had insisted you couldn't stay alone on a christmas day. Jungkook had never really asked why you were alone in the first place, but he had never really cared much for it either. Sure, you were an absolute gem to look at; technically absolutely his type, but he had early on decided not to pursue anything at all with you. He knew friendship wouldn't stay friendship with you, his own hunger way too large to simply be satiated by platonic gestures-
and he was also sure you wouldn't be able to handle him, truly. The conversation with Jimin, one of your best friends, had changed nothing about that. Because he didn't know you well enough to quite know if you were only bark and no bite- or if you were genuinely craving the same things he did.
But most recently, there had been a change in his opinion on you. Because he had seen you, come out of this place, out of Yoongis studio.
You knew about all of this- and you were still around.
Nothing had changed.
Now, of course he had instantly poked holes into the poor guy about if he had ever played with you before- and the answer he had gotten, had made him even more interested and antsy to get closer to you.
Because while you trusted Yoongi with everything you had, he had never done anything with you. You had simply been interested in watching a scene unfold- and had told him that you were definitely interested in participating. The reason Jungkook couldn't ask you directly was a clear one-
You were majorly intimidated by him, to the point of, he had never really had a proper conversation with you. Partially, he had to admit, because he himself didn't want to involve himself too much with you.
He’d always asked himself; wouldn’t you be even more distant and reserved with him if you knew this side of him? Sure, you always joked around that he probably tied his girls up and edged them until they cried- but did you know that he genuinely enjoyed these things?
Relationships for him were mere covers to call the arrangements he had with the girls that came and went in his life in a constant changing matter. Deep down, no one night stand could satisfy his most carnal desires, and he was very well aware of that. But he rather took what he could get and lived a fever dream for a few moments than stay on his own simply because his idea of pleasure and sex was not the norm.
No, he refused to deny himself that.
Maybe it was because he’d always lived a rather lavish life- with his parents well off and his own career skyrocketing he never really had any worries like you have had in the past. For some odd reason, while looking at the soft red rope in his hands, his thoughts suddenly went astray; he knew he could give you the stability you oh so craved, in every way shape and form. You were a diamond simply waiting to be perfected- you had so much potential, knowing that you were secretly wandering around the same paths as he did made him even more frustrated.
The hints were there, they were obvious; from the way you had sighed out in bliss when he’d teasingly pulled your hair just hours ago, to the sinful confessions he’d heard that night when he overheard you and jimin by accident. Of course he’d maybe wasted a thought or two of you underneath him to humor him once or twice- but now with the rope in his hands, his mind immediately began painting pictures of it against your skin. Would you enjoy it? And what if he took your sight, or only bound your hands? What if he denied you to cum, or if he took you from behind, grabbing your hair and pushing down your spine to make it arch so prettily- never with the intend to hurt, of course. He knew he’d have to tame you first, make you submit, but then again, he loved the challenge.
You made even the idea of touching fun.
He wouldn't even have to undress you to fully get himself worked up, he was sure of that. Only seeing you bow to his very command would be enough to satisfy him. Of course, over the course of time he would lead you deeper and deeper into his rabbit hole, but he would take it slow for you.
So, with a smile, and a wave of his hand, he walked past the girl he knew had been his appointment- grinning at Taehyung. "Of course I'll be there."
He wouldn't dare miss a night with you.
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You were stressing. A little.
Maybe.
Maybe a lot.
Everything would've been fine if they guys would've all come over. But due to the bad weather, and Taehyungs bad habit of never properly fixing his god-forsaken dumpster of a car, only one of them would be able to make it. And of course the one had to be Jeon Jungkook.
Just great.
Now, it wasn't like you didn't like the guy, no way. The problem was more, that he was on the exact opposite of that spectrum. You had a major crush on him, which felt like the plot to a really bad drama show you would watch drunk at night- and in a way, it really felt like one too. Because you were pretty sure, he didn't even know your name.
But oh well- apparently he knew more than that. More specifically, your phone number. And it had scared the shit out of you at first to receive a message from him because how the hell did he get your number, but then again you remembered that one of your connections was Kim Taehyung- and everyone knew what he knew.
It was the doorbell that ripped you out of your skin almost.
You didn't even change, deciding any effort would be too late anyways; and you were still heavily confused in the first place why the fuck he would come over alone, even though you two had never exchanged much more than a friendly hello and goodbye. But there he was, as you opened the door- soft, white hoodie and ripped jeans, a bit damp from the rain outside as you let him inside.
He didn't move.
"Uh-" You started, but he just looked at you, friendly as ever, although a teasing glint in his eye made you frown a bit.
He thought it was cute.
"You didn't tell me to come in." He said, and you blinked once, twice, before your brain had properly restarted.
"Oh uh- come in?" You said, again, moving a bit to the side so he could walk in- which he still didn't. "Jungkook come on now its fucking cold-!" You whined, and he laughed, finally stepping inside. Had he always been like that? Could very well be the case, after all, you had never truly paid much attention to his behavior before.
"Thanks for letting me come over." He said, and you watched him as he untied his boots. "I had nothing else to do- and also, I didn't want you to waste any food, considering Tae said you cooked for us." He explained, before he got up again from his half kneeling position, boots now standing next to your significantly smaller shoes.
"Ah, it would've been fine, you guys don't have to feel bad." You waved off, smiling. "I was about to stop cooking anyways when Jimin had texted me, but well, then you did and uhm.." You drifted off, noticing how you were suddenly waiting for him to lead the way.
In your own apartment.
What the hell?
If he noticed however, he didn't show it. He simply smiled, and moved his hands inside the front pocket of his hoodie. "Ah, thanks. I appreciate it, really." He said, and you smiled at him as well, walking towards the main area of your apartment. It was small, very small compared to his own, but he enjoyed the feeling of it. Everything around him reminded him of you, in a way; from the pictures taped to the walls, to the stickers on your fridge. It all held a piece of you in it. "Your apartment is really nice, by the way." He commented, and you turned around, before getting plates and cutlery to bring inside the living room.
"Ah, right, it's your first time here." You said. "Thanks- the living room is right around the corner there, you can just sit down and I'll bring everything there." You explained, and he smiled, nodding without arguing.
You liked that.
Typically, there would've been this awkward 'oh no let me help you', but Jungkook didn't seem to dwell on it much, letting you do your thing instead of butting in and making things weird. He simply walked where you had directed him, sitting down on the couch as he went to place a blanket to the side. His fingers moved over the fabric for a moment, noticing how everything on the couch, including the pillows, were made of that same, soft material.
Interesting.
"Oh- you can just put that to the side, sorry I forgot to clean that up." You said, putting the food onto the table as he just smiles again. He waits for you to sit down as well before you turn up the TV volume a little, nerves finally setting in as you notice there's almost nothing you can talk to him about. "This is awkward." You comment, and he chuckles at that swallowing his bite as he looks at you.
"Doesn't have to be." He states, before he turns his body a bit more into your direction; a visible sign that he wants a conversation. "Tae has never mentioned what you do for a living." He states, an unasked question of his. He lets you decide if you want to take it as one or leave it as a statement- it makes you feel nice, in a way.
"Ah uh.. it's really boring, so I guess I never really talk about it either.." You say, and he tilts his head a little, a silent urging for you to continue. You feel insignificant next o him and his job however. He's superior to you in any way, and you don't want him to feel pity or laugh at you for your job. "I uh.. I'm a programmer for a.. pretty unknown game studio." You say, body almost shrinking in on itself as you wait for his reaction. Much to your surprise however, he makes a sound that's purely surprise, as he swallows his bite with a bit of urgency.
"Fuck really?! That's so cool though!" He argues, brows furrowed a bit as he playfully accuses you with his next words. "Indie or not, a programmer is the main force of any game. Did you work on any games I might know of?" He asks, eyes sparkling as he realizes he had finally found something to bond with you over.
"Uh.. 'Rabbit Boy' was our best hit until now.." You say, still a bit shy, but you're also a tad more confident now. His reaction is either well-staged, or he's genuinely interested in what you do.
"I played it I think. It was a bit short, but I loved the mechanics." He says, and before he can quite stop himself, his hand has already reached out to you, running over your hair as he praises you like second nature. "Wuah, so smart!" He says, before he gets a reaction he wouldn't have thought he'd get from shy-you.
Because you playfully shove him, your socked feet pushed against the side of his thigh as you giggle at him.
Interesting, again.
Now, Jimin has actually told him about this before. How you were anything but the shy girl when you were around people you knew and trusted. He had believed it- to an extend- because he had also thought that maybe you were like that to prove your spot between those guys. As the only girl, you easily got thrown under the bus, so you had to somehow own your spot in the midst of your circle of friends.
However, it seemed like you were truly just a brat, hiding behind that innocent facade of yours. A barking dog, with every intent to bite if needed.
And Jungkook knew, he'd love to tame you, show you your spot, and make you his prey.
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The trashy movie your watching bores you, in a way. Jungkook has noticed this already, having taken note of your feet wiggling around, your teeth nibbling on the inside of your cheek, as you rest your cheek on your hand, elbow resting on the side of the couch.
“I don’t know why she’s so hesitant.” You mutter, pouting as you slump into the couch- uncaring that the side of your body now leans against his own. He feels your warmth- and for some reason it brings him comfort to notice that you’re seemingly growing more at ease. “I mean, it’s what she’s into, right?” You say, brows furrowed as you watch the screen.
“It’s not that simple.” Jungkook explains, trying to not make it obvious that he’s not necessarily talking about the movie. “Some men like to you know.. fight for a partner. Impress them. Win them over.” He explains, and he can feel you shift a little- until your head raises a bit, watching him as he watches you; gazes locked, and you can’t look away. You’re shy, you’re growing restless, but his eyes are like magnets; there’s no way you can avert your gaze.
“And.. you?” You ask, voice not loud at all, as if you don’t even notice you’re saying it. He loves that- loves the fact that you’re slowly letting him closer- not only physically.
“I like to earn my spot in their lives.” He states, and your mind suddenly begins to spin. You’ve always seen him as someone who doesn’t care much about emotions or feelings, or relationships for that matter. And maybe he doesn’t- maybe he just says this because he knows your weak spots. But the way his words fall into your ears makes you believe him. “I like to see my partner thrive; I love to see them grow. And..” he says, boldly deciding to slowly reach out his hand that was placed on the back of the couch- his fingers running through your hair, only brushing through, never pulling (no matter how much you’re craving it secretly). “I love to see them let go.” He humms out, and there’s a sudden shiver down your back, one that he definitely notices.
This is it. This is where you’ll let him touch you, let him wreck you, let him ruin you. You lean in closer, and so does he, but just when your lips are about to touch, he smiles gently- a warm affectionate gesture that you’ve never seen from him. And with it being directed at you, it’s even more meaningful- but it’s all about his next move, the way his inked fingers trace your cheek, before he speaks.
“You’re not ready yet.”
And with that, he turns back to the TV.
You huff, and it's the first time you know exactly what you're doing. You knew from Yoongi what Jungkook did in his freetime- you knew that this stuff was his expertise. Defeated, you looked down towards your knees, as your thoughts start to grow more and more frustrated. He probably didn't even see you like that, having only visited you out of pity, and not because he wanted to see you.
You were probably already friendzoned, and he was too nice to outright say it into your face. It made your emotions turn sour as the situation grew more and more awkward for you.
"What're you thinking about?" He asks, and you don't answer. What was there to say anyways? You really didn't want to have this weird conversation where he would tell you that oh yeah you're a nice girl, but he's not the right guy, the usual stuff you've already heard time and time again. "Y/N." He says, his voice dropping a little, but you only chew on the inside of your cheek again, eyes moving towards the TV screen. You didn't want to talk- you just hoped he would now sigh and get up, leaving so you could forget about all of this. You could maybe fake being sick for the next week or so to avoid him, yeah, that would be enough time to gloss over this entire situation. But he only clicks his tongue, hands suddenly moving your legs as he moves your body to face him.
Looking at his face is your first mistake.
His eyes are dark and almost angry, irritated as he looks as you. His jaw is clenched, and his hands stay on your knees for a moment, before he's sure enough that he has your attention. Only then does he speak, his voice nowhere near as soft and light as it had been before. "I know what you're thinking, and I don't like it." He says, and that's when you make your second mistake.
"Can we not right now? You don't know shit." You say, and he stares you down for a moment, until his head tilts a slight bit, eyes growing predatory as the corners of his lips tilt upwards. It resembles a small smile, yes, but it's not meant to be one. No, the first thing you have to think about is a wolf snarling at you, ready to put his packmate into their place for acting out.
It makes your spine tingle.
"Hm, maybe, but we can be classy about it, no?" He asks, and you scoff, trying to move your legs away from him, as he scans you.
At this point, he can see clearly that you're testing him.
So he gets up promptly, moving you around so you're standing in front of him. His inked hand finds your hair, gripping without mercy as he pulls your head back, your gaze now forced to stay on his as he calmly speaks. "You think I'm not into you like that- and you're as wrong as you could ever get." He says, biting his tongue as to not let a petname slip. He'd love to use them, but he knows that it's not yet time. That would be foul play, in a way; he doesn't want to seduce you.
He wants to make you understand.
"Trust me when I say I'd love to just throw you over my legs to spank that attitude out of you right now." He explains, and you whine- not in pain, but simply as a reaction to his confession. "But you don't know what you're getting yourself into." He continues, and pulls a bit to interrupt your next words. You know that you can get free any second you want to- but for some reason, there's no urge to do so. "You think of this as some game to play, you think of yourself as someone who can take all of it at once, but you don't even get the simplest and most important things about this entire thing." You swallow, as you stay still, finally giving up your fight as he relaxes the grip he still has on you. "Even now, it's not me controlling this situation. Its you." He says, letting go of you as his hands rest on your cheeks, eyes searching for any clues of discomfort. Only when he finds none, does he continue. "I will only ever have as much control over you as you're willing to give to me." He smiles again, this time, warm and comforting. "If you're really willing to do this, we will do this right. You'll have to trust me first, and I'll have to get to know you fully first, before anything else happens. Understood?" He asks.
And you nod.
"Do you know what you just agreed to?" He chuckles, and, shyly, you shake your head.
"See?" He grins, breaking skincontact with you. "You're not ready yet."
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His brows furrow when he sees you sitting on the counter, Taehyung talking to you. "What're you doing here?" He asks, and you pout, as Taehyung moves away, not wanting to get involved into anything this time. "Stop that face. We talked about this last week, why're you here now?" He asks, and you tilt your head innocently.
"Maybe I'm here for Yoongi?" You say, and his eyes grow darker for a second, before he composes himself.
"Good try, but he's still off work." He states, and you deflate a bit.
"I just.. wanted to see, I guess." You say, and he smiles a bit impishly.
"Oh? I mean, I have a scene in twenty minutes.." He asks, and internally, you cringe. No, you don't want to see him screw or even touch another woman in the ways you secretly want him to touch you instead. No, you're technically here to maybe talk him into show you at least a little bit. But it doesn't seem like he'll cave in anytime soon, so you sigh out.
"Okay, okay, I'll see you around, I guess." You say, hopping down from the counter before you take a step towards the exit.
"Ah well, I'll drive you home then." He states, and you grow confused as he leans against the counter. "Seeing as my scheduled appointment wants to leave, I have time off." He states, and you skin tingles. "Come on now, before I change my mind." He states, as he walks you outside again, leading you towards his car.
"I didn't mean to turn up so.. I don't know. Sorry." You said, and he gets into the drivers seat, shaking his head.
"I can understand you, trust me." He says, as he starts the engine and drives off. "If you're okay with it, I'd like to get something from my apartment, and then drive to yours." He says, and you tilt your head.
"Why not to the studio, or your place?" You ask, and he nods.
"While those are places I feel comfortable, they're unfamiliar to you. It's best if we start in a place that's comforting and gives you a sense of security." He states, and you nod.
Jungkook, in your eyes, never really seemed as mature as he's acting in those moments. It's as if he switches every time you two change topics; any time this particular one comes up, his mood changing into a serious one. Now, you're not stupid, you know the risks- and of course you had somewhat done your research online about the damages that could occur during all of this. And there's also the not too little chance it really isn't something for you after all- and in a way, that scares you. Because you want jungkook, but what if you don't want.. this?
Instead of voicing that out, you simply keep quiet as he gets out the car, and inside again after fetching what looks like an overnight bag. "You're staying over?" You ask, and he simply throws it on to the backseat.
"Maybe. We'll see." He says, and you don't question him as he drives. "Let's get something to eat. What're you craving?" He asks, as he keeps his attention on the road. He notices how you seem to think, already able to practically see the gears turning inside your head. "Don't think about what I could want. I asked what you want." He says, calmly, and so soft, that you simply let your words out.
"Tae usually get's me food.." You start, and Jungkook nods, as if understanding. You watch him smile a little.
"Let's get some junk food and eat it in the car." He simply states, and you nod, happy that he seemingly really did get what you were trying to say. For you, things like these were almost like rituals- like you and tae getting random icecream just to hurry home every time to not have it melt.
Maybe this would become a memory only for you and Jungkook.
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"You're nervous." Jungkook says, speaking out what's obvious. You don't know what he'll do, you're confused whats in his bag- you're nervous, just like he said. "Why is that?" He asks, casually sitting on your bed with you. He had earlier told you not to panic-clean it; he was not there to be impressed. He was simply a visitor for now, nothing more, nothing less. You shrugged. There were a lot of reasons you were nervous. "If you want this to work, I need to have proper communication with you. Guessing will get me nowhere." He says, but his voice is not upset. He's simply informing you.
"I.. don't know what you'll do?" You say, and He smiles, sitting more comfortably, as he shows you his open hands.
"I'm not gonna do anything for the moment." He tells you, and you shrug.
"But wasn't that the plan?" You ask him.
"What would you want me to do then?" He asks instead, not answering your question. He's testing you, he want's to know if you really are aware of everything. He's also not only asking you about what you want him to do to you- but with you, as well. He was unsure if you wanted to romantically involve yourself with him, or simply explore something new at his side.
He's afraid he'd be okay with either, just because its you.
"Are you going to tie me up?" You ask, and Jungkook grins, before he laughs. You're growing shy, unsure, and he instantly makes sure you know he's simply laughing about what you said, not about you. His hand holds yours- and it's weirdly reassuring.
"No, although I can imagine you looking very pretty in that position." He says. "No, come here." He says, lays down on the bed, and you stay where you are, with reasonable distance between you two. "I want you to come as close to me as you feel comfortable. Don't force it- take your time. I'm not expecting anything, please remember that." He tells you calmly, not looking at you to give you mental distance from him as well. His eyes are actually closed, his body relaxed.
You don't move for a moment. You want to test how long he can really play this patient role- but after around five or ten minutes, he's still not moving. He's not even saying anything, and you're unsure if he's asleep or not.
There's only one way to find out.
You carefully lay down a little away from him, on your side, simply looking at him. It's weird to see him like that; you've always imagined him to be a very dominant and demanding person, from what you've heard and seen of him. But Jungkook doesn't feel like any of the guys you've been with; he also doesn't feel like Taehyung, or Yoongi, or Hoseok.. Jungkook, weirdly enough, feels comfortable. He's relaxed, and laid back, and still has that slight glint of power over you.
You move closer, your curiosity getting the best of you as scenes and pictures of him holding you fill your head. Is he even a cuddler? You can't imagine him being all soft and sweet for gestures like that, but then again, you didn't really think you'd ever be in a situation like this either. Maybe you were judging a book by its cover.
He smells nice- that's one of the first things you notice once you get closer. One of his arms is stretched out to the side- his tattooes visible, but partially hidden by his sweater sleeve. You want to look at them, so you test the waters- by touching his arm, just a small poke with your finger. You can see the corners of his lips twitch; he's definitely awake. You move his arm a little, inside facing you as you get a detailed look at his artworks. They're detailed, they fit him, the dark Ink a stark contrast to his skin.
His sweater seems soft.
You slowly lay down again, your head resting on his biceps as you simply lay for a moment.
This is nice.
You feel more and more bold with every minute that passes, not even minding the way he sometimes moves around. You're growing at ease, so much so, that you simply throw all hesitation out of the window, and cuddle up to him. one of your hands is on his chest, while your head rests ontop of the inside of his shoulder.
This is really nice.
"Are you falling asleep?" He asks, voice not loud at all, as his arm moves, palm resting on your forearm as he holds you. You don't mind it- you feel relaxed enough to really actually do fall asleep- so you nod. "That's good." He tells you.
"But didn't you bring stuff to try?" you ask, and Jungkook nods.
"We got time. A small nap is always a good idea." He tells you, and you simply nod- making him smile.
He's glad.
Because by falling asleep on him like that, you don't even know how much you've complimented him at all. You're relaxed enough around him, comfortable enough to let him close to you in a vulnerable state such as sleep. It makes him wonder how far you'd let him go- would you let anyone get so close so quickly? A sudden rush of protectiveness curses through his body, fills him up, as he swears he can't let you go now. No, what if someone else gets you like this? What if someone takes advantage of your open mind like that? He doesn't even want to imagine.
Jungkook really has it bad.
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You slowly wake up to a bit of weight on your face. "jungkook what're you doing?" you giggle, and he chuckles as well as he takes the hand away from over your eyes. He looks well rested, with his eyes still not fully open.
"Nothing." He says. "Just teasing." He says, but of course, nothing he does is just random teasing. Everything he does is calculated- it's to test you, to study you, to make sure he gets to know you. "Are you hungry?" He asks instead.
"Not for food."
He has to let that process for a moment, until he laughs. He's really got it with you, he thinks, as he suddenly moves, eyes dark, while he's now ontop of you, his hands holding your wrists. Expecting you to look surprised, he finds none of that however. It intrigues him, the way you don't seem to be nervous or fearful at all. It makes him wonder what you'd really do to him if he was to advance in ways he wanted to. "Careful, sweetheart." He says, and your eyes sparkle with a silent challenge.
"Or what?"
His grip gets a bit tighter at that, eyes a bit darker. "Someone's eager." He says lowly. "Don't you think you're biting off more than you can chew right now?" He asks, before he clicks his tongue, slowly falling into his own headspace. He knows however not to let himself slip. "Give me a random word." He asks, demands, and you say whatever finds your mind in that moment.
"Bunny." You say.
He raises his eyebrow for a second, but doesn't question it. "I want you to say that, loud and clear, as soon as you feel uncomfortable." He lectures you seriously. "It doesn't matter what it is. Physically, or mentally, or if you simply don't want me to continue because. I need you to tell me that you will say it." His gaze is intense, and you nod. "I promise you; I'll never get mad, or upset, or angry, or disappointed with you. My ego isn't worth your safety." He humms out at the end, and your eyes soften.
He notices it instantly, and it affects him more than he'd like to admit.
"I promise I'll say it if I need to." You tell him, and he grows comfortable again.
"Can I touch you?" He asks, softly, and you nod, before verbally answering him with a yes. "Remember; I'll only ever have as much power and control over you as you will give me." He mumbles, head now dipped down to ghost his lips over the skin of your neck. "But once you give it to me-" He says, his knee situating itself in between your legs to spread them in a silent command. "-I won't give it back." He growls, before he bites down, releasing the skin after hearing your delicate mewl, kissing the spot as if to apologize.
He's not sorry.
"Let me ask you.." He says, feeling you rut against his leg that's pressed against your center. "what do you really want from me?" He asks, and you open your eyes, movements slowly coming to a halt as you notice the way he looks at you.
He almost looks uncertain.
"I.." You want him. You know that- you want all of his bad habits and weird quirks. You want to get to know him and everything that comes with it. Hell, he was the main reason you even got into the entire scene in the first place. "You." You say, deciding its best to practice honesty.
"Me?" He asks, genuinely a little confused.
You nod. "Yeah. You." You say. It's a little weird, the whole situation, but you don't mind it. Your hands slowly slip out of his grasp, before they instead intertwine their fingers with his. He feels weirdly caught off guard by the gesture- his past encounters and relationships never having included things like these. So much so, that Jungkook genuinely believed those things to be simple movie-gestures. Overdone, and not realistic. "Like uhm.. if you want to. If you just want to, you know, I.. guess I'd be okay with that too-" You say, looking away, as Jungkook answers.
"I want you too." He answers, eyes searching yours for any glimmer of dishonesty. But he doesn't find it- there is none. There's just you. "I really want you too." He murmurs out, getting closer, before he lets himself loose, his lips finding yours.
He's never been a fan of kissing, but he can very much already imagine kissing you for hours.
Its not just you letting go in that moment, its him too.
Because unbeknownst to you, he's not just opening you a door to his world of unspoken fantasies-
He's also opening his heart as well.
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Your first time together is slow and comfortable.
It happens just a day after you had both decided to pursue an actual relationship with one another. He's gentle, careful, but not hesitant. He's exploring.
Inside of his head, he notes down every noise and every twitch of muscle. You sigh as he eats you out, the small ponytail of his unable to hold onto all of his hair as his eyes are partially hidden behind the blonde strands. He's watching you, his fingers having already stretched you out, but then he sits up. You whine, with him having stolen your release for a second time. "Let's play a little, yeah?" He says with an amused yet calm tone. You're already unable to do much about your position; your wrists bound to your bed over your head, carefully tied knots comfortable against your skin, as long as you don't pull. "Legs open." He calls out as you try and close them, and you whine again; testing his patience as you still go ahead and disobey his command. He watches, moves forward, before he pulls them apart again. "You want to cum, no?" He asks, and you nod, frustratedly so. "I wonder what made you think you've earned that reward from me." He tells you, eyes scanning your form as you pull on your restraints a little. He's not fully into his own headspace yet- he's still very much on high alert to notice any signs of discomfort coming from you.
He has to learn just as much as you do.
"You're lucky you're so sweet." He says, before he crawls closer again, his hand on your center, as he enters you with two fingers. Its not enough, but then his thumb draws circles on your clit- and you're approaching, quickly. "Hm? Won't you cum?" And then you say it.
"Can I?"
It's so desperate, so needy, so submissive, that it sends a chill down his spine. He moves closer, kisses your neck, as he can't help but let the rush of it get to him. He is, after all, just as desperate for release. No matter if its his, or yours.
"Such a good girl, of course you can." He tells you. "What a sweet one, such good manners.." He teases playfully, and you tug at your restraints as you come undone under his hands. He unties your wrists and you're holding onto him as soon as you're free, and he lets you hold onto him in your post orgasmic bliss.
Its after a moment that you realize it.
"Wait-" You say, sitting up to look at him. "You- I mean, you didn't get to-" You start, but Jungkook waves it off.
"Its fine, really." He tells you, and you know he's serious. "I'll just wait until it goes down, or take care of it in your bathroom if thats okay with you." He says, patting the side next to him to lay down on. "Come here." He asks, and you comply, before you speak again.
"You.." You start, not looking at him. "Could just take care of it here." You say. "Or I could.." you start, and he looks at you.
"Do you want that, or do you only feel like you have to?" He asks, and you shrug. You take some time, before you answer.
You've seen most of Jungkook until now. From his strong arms, his back, his inked skin, to his thighs and legs. You have seen all- but that. And you've never really considered giving anything back in that way to anyone because of one single embarrassing moment- but with Jungkook, for some reason, you wanted to try.
"I want to." You say, and he nods. "But I don't know how.." You say, and he smiles reassuringly.
"I'll guide you." He tells you, before he scans your face. He's never really felt that desired- at least not in the way he does in that moment with you. "You can take it out for starters." He says, and you nod, before you hesitate a little.
Jungkook is nice, when it comes to that. He's patient, always lets you do the pacing for now, until you trust him enough. This is only the start, after all. You stay cuddled up to his side, but your hand ventures towards his sweats, where you can see his prominent erection still waiting. Slowly, you push the fabric down, both his sweats and boxers underneath- his hips lifting a bit to make it easier for you, until he's freed from his clothes.
You've never really thought much about looks when it came to that department, but Jungkook was, in each and every way, highly attractive. Now you knew, that there was literally nothing about him you didn't desire.
Your first touches are a little hesitant, testing the waters, and Jungkook tries not to react too much to it to give you time. Its when you start to move your hand however, that he closes his eyes, head now completely resting on the pillows beneath as he just decides to enjoy what you might give him. His hips twitch upwards a little after you'd run your thumb over the head, precum glistening while your hand uses it as lubricant to move more smoothly.
He sighs out.
And you grow bold at that, moving to sit up and escape out of his embrace, before you dip down to feed your curiosity. As your tongue touches his skin, his muscles contract, the action not expected since he didn't look what you were doing. You've been told once before that you're not.. the best at this- but Jungkook made you want to try. If you would've looked, you would've spotted the intense stare that Jungkook had been sending your way; mesmerized by the way you tucked your hair behind your ear oh so sweetly, before you let a drop of saliva escape from between your lips, taking him in soon after it had dropped onto his awaiting length.
You really were something else.
He'd gotten head time and time before, and it was never something he didn't like- but he'd also rarely ever cared that much emotionally about the person giving it to him. It's weird, how an emotional connection can make you so much more sensitive to things- such as in that moment, as your tongue moved over his skin while inside your warm mouth, lips heavenly on his cock.
He couldn't imagine what it would be like to be inside you.
There's nothing he could teach you, nothing he could tell you to do, as you moved, sucked and licked. He was breathing heavily already, his hand finding yours as you hold onto it. He sits up, can't help it, has to somehow touch you while you're not letting go of your task. His palm escapes your hand, rests on your head instead, runs through your hair before it grips a little. You moan, vibrations making him throw his head back as he groans out, feeling his end coming closer. "If you don't want to swallow, let go." He grits out, but you suck harder instead, and its when your hand finds his balls that he lets himself fall back onto the mattress beneath, shooting his load into your mouth as you swallow it down.
He's on cloud nine.
You're thoughtful enough to pull his underwear and pants back up, laying on your stomach next to him, waiting, watching, with impish eyes. He looks so radiant, so relaxed, so at ease. It fills you with a weird sense of pride; since in a way, its your doing. "Why did you tell me you don't know how to do that." He comments, rather than asks, slowly calming his breathing back down. His eyes open, hand pushing some hair out of your face. "Thank you. That was amazing." He says, and you shrug.
"Thanks for the compliment." You say, looking at him.
"I have a request." He says, and you nod. "Not like that." He teases, making you blush. "No, but seriously." Jungkook knows that you've been with other people before. It scares him to know that some of your experiences might not have been good- he knows some absolute horror stories Taehyung had told him. "I want you to take all that you've experienced with your former partners.. all those moments, emotions, bad memories, all of it." He tells you, hand now resting on your cheek- a gesture in which you lean into. "And throw them away. Forget them." He tells you.
"This is a new start, for both of us."
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"How many clients have you been with?" You ask, casually sitting on the kitchen counter as Jungkook washes the dishes. Its your first night in his apartment, and you're more comfortable than you thought you'd be.
"None." He tells you, and you're ready to snort out a laugh, but he doesn't look at all like he's joking. Seeing your confusion, he continues while scrubbing a plate. "None of us actually have sex with our clients. Some only come to talk, really- others come to let go." He explains, and you nod. "I've never touched, nor been with someone intimately during a scene." He tells you.
"So you had scenes with your partners then?" You ask, and he shrugs.
"In the beginning, yeah." He admits, shrugging. "But I eventually gave up on it. It's not something a lot of people find very appealing. It all looks great in theory, but when practiced, most find its not for them." Draining the sink, he dries his hands on the dish towel, before putting it in its proper place.
"Could you.. imagine a relationship without it?" You ask, and he sighs, shaking his head.
"Not really." He looks at you after a moment. "Its who I am, and its how I love. I can't change that." He tells you, and you nod. Its understandable really, and you like that he has clear lines he likes to follow. It's weirdly comforting to know that he has his life so under control- its all you've ever wanted really.
It's something Jungkook might be able to give you.
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It was weird, the feeling of the rope against your skin. He’d been right about it earlier; it wasn’t rough or itchy at all. But maybe that was just because it was him doing it. Maybe he was simply fogging up your senses.
It would make sense.
“Okay?” He humms out, voice gentle and calm while he stops his hands for a moment, palm on your shoulder where it warms up your skin. You’re unsure what okay really means- okay like, he’s finished? Or is he asking if you’re okay? Or is he asking for permission? “Speak to me- don’t just think.” He says, eyes watching you in such a manner that made your slightly trembling body calm down.
“I’m not sure what- what you mean by, okay.” You say, and he smiles, eyes roaming over your body for a moment, but surprisingly not in a way that would make you feel exposed. You’re almost naked, after all- only your most private parts hidden from his sight. You can see the very evident tent in his pants; but he doesn’t seem like he’s frustrated or fazed about it.
“Good Job telling me.” He says first and foremost, and you start to feel warm inside. “I was asking if you were okay. Do you remember your colors?” He asks, and you nod, before verbally answering him with a ‘yes’. He nods again, a hand running over your head, fingers running through your hair affectionately. “Good. I’ll finish the last knots now- remember you can stop at any time. Don’t hesitate.” He says, and you nod.
He grabs the rope again; the tiny fact that he’d chosen one in your favorite color making you feel.. well, you didn’t know. You could feel your nose sting, before it shot into your eyes, making them water; something that Jungkook immediately noticed. “Color?” He asks, and you shake your head.
“Green, Green, I’m okay-“ you say, but you can’t stop the tears. He’s quick to sit down in front of you after tying the last knot- and it’s the first time you quietly look at them. They’re so delicate, so well done, but there’s no time to dwell on it as he lifts you chin gently.
“Talk to me.” He says, hands on your shoulders to give you some sense of stability. You’re safe, you don’t feel bad, but just..
“I don’t know. There’s so much-“ you begin, and he softly smiles, as if you’re not currently completely bound with no chance of proper movement. You take a deep breath, holding it before you release again, silently following the advices he’d given you prior. “Why do I feel so.. comfortable? I feel safe even though I’m in such a dangerous situation- I’m.. this is weird isn’t it, I should be.. I don’t know. Why’re you not doing anything? Wasn’t this supposed to be like, a sex session or something I don’t get it-“ you babble, and he lets you, before he speaks.
“You still don’t quite get it, do you?” He asks, and your glistening eyes stare up at him. “I don’t need something as simple as sex to feel satisfied.” He explains, and you nod, even though you don't quite understand. "I feel euphoric right now, even though you probably won't quite believe me." He says, his smile evident as his fingers trace the knots on your skin. It's there that you see it; the glimmer in his eyes, something you've never seen before with someone else. "The fact that you let me do this, it's all I need." He humms out. He looks at you, a silent question, and you take a deep breath.
You don't quite know what you're doing. Its weird- but seeing him like that makes you feel weightless. It happens slowly, you don't quite grasp what it is, but the feeling is nice. It's like letting go- like standing on the highest platform of the universe and just jumping down. And when you open your eyes, all you see is him.
He can't take his eyes off of you.
He's seen it often enough to spot it, knows what it looks like, but it still holds such a deep meaning to him to see you fall into your subspace for the very first time. You're so beautiful like that, so ethereal and enchanting as you lean forward to get closer to him. He's careful you dont accidentally hurt yourself with the big scissors on the bed close by- emergency equipment to release you asap if needed.
He knows escape is the furthest thing on your mind right now.
Able to do anything he'd want with you, he's not like that however. He's responsible enough to let you float for a moment, before he speaks to you again. "Baby?" He asks, and you nod, nuzzling his shoulder as he holds you close. "You're doing so good. Can you do something for me baby?" He questions again, and you nod, not parting from him however before he talks again. "Can you sit straight for a moment? Just like that, good girl." He praises as you instantly follow his command. "I got you, okay? I got you, you're safe." He repeats, as he slowly unties your body. It's careful reassuring and slow movements that make it possible to untie you- too quickly could make you drop; a state of sudden shift in mental state, that could send you straight into distress. Jungkook doesn't ever want to be the cause of that for you.
You're underneath him, and he's careful, as he undresses after placing the scissors onto the bedside table where it cant lead to any accidents. He also reaches inside the table, pulling out a condom from a box safely stored, before he gets himself ready.
Not even for a second is his attention not on you however.
"Hands up baby." He commands, and you do as he wants, already squirming as he advances towards you, fingers stretching you out as you grow huffy at the prospect of being edged again. He's quick to catch on though. "Hm, I'm not gonna be mean baby." He tells your fuzzy mind. "But I gotta get you ready, no?" Fingers steadily helping you relax, he waits until he deems you ready.
You struggle to keep your hands up as he enters you, but your mind is adamant on keeping his command. He groans out, kisses your neck, as he slowly begins to move lazily. It's enough for pleasure- but not enough to make you cum. "Good fucking girl. Look at you. My baby." He chants, and something inside you stirs at the last words.
His Baby.
You're his.
He wants you.
It makes you whine as he chuckles, nipping at your skin. "You can touch me baby, good job." He says, and your hands are instantly around his neck. You're mumbling something, but its not words. It's not coming out the way you think it does, and Jungkook doesn't mind, doesn't care. Its another one of those things fueling him up, urging him on.
You're his perfect puzzle piece.
He lets go.
"Turn around princess." He says breathless, and you follow his instructions eagerly. His hand rests on the back of your neck for a moment, leaves its place for a second to move your hair away from your face, before he gently pushes down. He's inside in a heartbeat, this time thrusting with more strength.
Something overcomes him that hasn't happened before.
Usually, this position is what he loves most- and yet, it's not what he wants. He wants you, he wants you close, he cant touch you enough. His arms snake around your torso, just underneath the bottom of your breasts, as he pulls you towards him. Your back arches so prettily, and he gasps out, breathing heavy as he continues his attack on your neck. "You're mine." He growls out, can't keep it inside anymore, his grip on you tightening. "Mine." His thrusts stutter, his hand reaches for your center, desperate fingers helping you find your release. It coats your thighs, stains the bed, and he pushes himself as deep as he can once he finishes himself.
He's breathing heavily, he's out of his mind, running on autopilot as his hands still hold you. He pulls out after a moment, a whine from you getting reassured by his own voice, before he leaves the bed, getting a warm damp washcloth ready for you. He's careful, gentle, seems to caress your skin more than clean it, places kisses every now and then and sends praises your way.
"How do you feel?" He asks, voice low and caring as he continues his aftercare.
"Like you love me a lot." You sleepily say, eyes still foggy, and he smiles.
"Good." He tells you, reaching out to kiss your lips, still high on his own afterglow. "That's how you're always supposed to feel like."
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"I've quit." He tells you one night on the couch, as you sit close to him. You'd asked him about his sidejob at Yoongi's- and this was his answer. Instantly, you sit up straight, fearing that he might've felt obligated because of you. "Before you start, yes, it was because of you." He says, and you already have the whine in your throat- but it doesn't make it out, as his fingers lazily trace your collarbone peaking out from his shirt you're wearing. "But it was also my decision. I just didn't enjoy it anymore- and you're more I could ever want really." He says, shrugging as you stare at him.
It was still new to you.
Although you knew that he was probably more than just a wild loverboy collecting partners and gaming all day, you never would've thought of him like this. He's a kid at heart still, teasing and playfighting every now and then- but he's mostly a strong shoulder to lean on for you. He really is the security and safety you'd always searched for. "What're you thinking about?" He asks, pulling you closer as he continues watching the TV show.
"You." You say, and he chuckles.
"Cute." He answers. He looks at you for a moment, TV long forgotten, before you crawl over his lap, shirt rising enough to give him free view of your thighs and panties. You've skipped the pants tonight- a habit of yours he enjoys a lot. His palms instantly find the soft skin, running along the outside of your thighs before they find your behind, squeezing, before he slaps it playfully. He grins as you squeal, admiring the way the very tips of your ears turn red. "You're really precious, you know that?" He tells you, and you shrug. "You are." He confirms, and you smile shyly.
"May I kiss you?" You ask, and he smiles warmly.
"We're not in a scene baby, do as you wish." He tells you, and you nod, leaning forward to capture his lips with yours. Its a feeling you can't quite get enough of, and it seems like he enjoys it equally as much. His inked hands find their way underneath your shirt, running over your back and spine as you shudder. He doesn't find what he seeks, your underwear long gone and left in the bedroom, and he loves it, instantly moves to your chest where he finds the soft flesh, his thumb running over one of your nipples teasingly. You're arching your back already, moving around as if you can't sit still. "My baby." He mumbles out, "If you can be so kind and get me a condom, you can ride me if you want to." He tells you, and you nod.
By now you easily know your way around his apartment.
So its no wonder you quickly return from your now shared bedroom, condom in hand as you approach him again, settling onto his lap. You're not shy with him nor his body anymore, eagerly taking the condom out of the package for him to roll it down onto his length. "You good?" He asks, and you nod, pulling your panties aside as you slowly sink down on him.
He lets his head rest back on the couch, and you lean into him, for a change returning the favor of kissing his neck. He's grinning, throughoutly enjoying things, and you love watching him. It's a visual reminder to yourself that this is your doing. You're making him feel that way, and no one else. It makes you confident, and it makes you feel cherished in ways you haven't felt before.
Once you start to move, Jungkooks hands help you along. Its slow and lazy, not at all hurried. There's no real goal; you probably wouldn't even mind not cumming at all. This was just being close- a way of feeling connected in the most intimate of ways. Connected like only lovers could be.
You love him.
And it slips out as a tiny 'I love you' in between your sighs and gasps, and he hears it so clearly, he can't help himself but speed up the pace.
"I love you too." He chants out, kissing the side of your head as you rest against his chest, head on his shoulder. "I love you so much." He says, almost inaudible, his arms holding you as close as he can.
Jeon Jungkook doesn't need sex to feel satisfied.
But he will most certainly need you for now and forever.
And he's totally fine with that.
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(c)Bonny-Kookoo. You know the drill. I know where you live. I don't. But still. Be scared. Boo.
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660 notes · View notes
yoonpobs · 3 years
Text
bad boy good thing xi.
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pairing: jeon jungkook x oc
genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining
warnings: smut, jungkook is really an asshole, the angst hurts a lot tbh, unhealthy relationships (?)
words: 2, 396
summary: a series of drabbles where you're confused and jungkook's confusing
a/n:
hi everyone !!! here we are with the weekly update hehe, and it's a brief chapter but it does direct it up to the next one, and that'll be far more ... happening ... if you catch my drift 🤣
anyways, apologies for the silence again - uni has been absolutely kicking my butt and I'm lowkey on the verge of burnout but we'll pull through !!!
hope you enjoy the chapter 🥺❤️
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Jungkook sits across from Jennie when it happens.
“What the—?”
“We need to talk.” Jimin glares, hand already grabbing him by the collar when he tugs Jungkook out of his seat. He doesn’t bother to send Jennie a look of acknowledgment, though he doubts she’s at any fault. He was only there for one thing and the subject of his disdain only looks perplexed and confused.
“Can we do this later?” Jungkook huffs, gesturing between his body and Jennie’s. She’s blinking at the interaction, then picks up her purse to shoot the two boys a half-hearted smile.
“I think I know what you needed to say,” She smiles. Then she looks over to Jimin who’s still glaring down at the younger boy, “Good luck.”
Her wish only makes Jungkook gulp, but he can more or less guess what Jimin is dragging him by collar about.
When he manages to ruffle his clothes back into position and sees the angry slope of Jimin’s back, he takes a deep breath. Jimin was by no means a terrifying person on average, in fact, he was quite debatably one of the most pleasant people anyone could know.
But Jimin was loyal and he stuck by the people he cared about with all his heart. He’d fight and he’d defend them till the end of time, and you were no different. Especially since the two of you grew up with each other, Jimin seeing you grow from an inquisitive toddler to the intelligent woman you were today—Jimin would die to protect you.
So when Jimin shuffles through his backpack to hand Jungkook a pack of ice, he can only stare at the cold object in the palm of his hands.
“What is this—?”
“You’ll need it.” Jimin deadpans, then he’s rolling up his sleeves.
“I thought we were talking?” Jungkook asks with a raised brow.
“We are,” Jimin retorts, eyes unblinking when he stares the younger boy down with a heavy-lidded gaze, “After I beat your ass for fucking _____ over.”
Jungkook opens his mouth, ready to defend but Jimin’s resolute glare only makes him cower in submission. He knew he fucked up, and he knew that there was no way he could get a word in even to meekly apologise because when Jimin had his mind set on something, he wouldn’t stop until that goal was achieved.
And it seems that Jimin’s goal was to give Jungkook a physical reminder on why he shouldn’t fuck with the things or people he loved.
“Let me take off my jacket,” Jungkook mutters, defeated.
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After multiple shoves against the wall and a generous swing to his cheek, Jungkook is begrudgingly holding the ice-pack against his bruising face.
Jimin doesn’t look apologetic when the two of them sit side-by-side on the sidewalk, or even when Jungkook’s lip busted open. He knew Jungkook could take it, he was twice his size. Even more so, Jungkook knew Jimin had every reason to act the way he did.
“Thanks for the ice pack, by the way,” Jungkook says sarcastically, wincing when he moves his mouth a little too much.
Jimin doesn’t gratify him with a response, instead levels a stare so menacing that it could send anyone running. But Jungkook’s done a bit too much of that recently; so he stays, braces himself for the words that were to leave Jimin’s lips.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Jungkook sighs, scrunching his face before tossing the ice pack aside. He supposed that it was nearly useless, nearly melting into a puddle that drips down his arm uncomfortably.
“I don’t know,” Jungkook confesses softly.
“You’ve got a set of nerves on you if you thought it was ever okay to say the shit you did to her, let alone a human being.” Jimin frowns, pulling Jungkook but his collar so that he’d look at him.
Jimin’s face is permanently etched into a scowl, but Jungkook already knows he’s fucked up. The constant reminder of you turning to different directions whenever you’d spot him was enough to hurt more than a punch to the face.
“I know.” Jungkook whispers, fiddling with his thumbs.
“Do you, Jungkook?” Jimin spits, glaring down at the boy who remains helpless under his grasp, “I told you to not fuck with her and you deliberately went against what I said.” His reminder is vicious and quiet, a hiss in the wind that blows.
Jungkook hears it loud and clear, “I know,” He exasperates, still as frustrated with himself as he was with the entire situation, “I know.” He repeats, more defeatedly.
Jimin shoves Jungkook back by releasing his grip around the collar that he nearly stumbles. But Jungkook catches himself just barely when Jimin rises to his feet, looking down at his younger friend like he was a piece of gum stuck on the sole of his shoes.
“Why?” Jimin asks after a beat of silence.
Jungkook purses his lips. He knows why, but he still can’t bring himself to say it. Not when he knows he’s fucked up and Jimin is rightfully furious. He knows Taehyung knows at this point too, there was nothing that Jimin knew that Taehyung didn’t. It was just that Jimin was the more confrontational one where Taehyung was passively aggressive with his anger.
“I …” Jungkook trails off weakly, standing up to reach Jimin’s height but despite his friend being taller, his presence was already intimidating enough.
“You doing that shit with her was one thing, because if it was consensual I’d go on my merry way,” Jimin sneers, poking a firm finger into Jungkook’s chest, “But you had to go and poke at her insecurities to hurt her. On purpose. That’s where you fucked up. Royally.”
Jungkook blinks, intently listening and observing the way Jimin’s chest rises and falls with every breath he heaves.
“It’s taking everything in me not to smear your reputation on campus for the shit you did,” Jimin’s eyes flutters shut and his voice is threatening. Jungkook’s eyes widen, but he still remains quiet, “But against my better conscience, you’re my friend. And I’m so fucking disappointed in you.” Jimin croaks like he’s conflicted.
And for the first time ever since the conversation started, Jungkook feels bad for Jimin; specifically. He knew that it was difficult to defend your friend while berating another, and he hated himself for putting him into a difficult position. It was an internal dispute that Jimin and Taehyung would have to face between holding Jungkook accountable and leaving him to dust.
There was history, between the four of you. But there was unseen history between Jimin and Jungkook that you and Taehyung hadn’t seen, and Jungkook’s always regarded Jimin as an older brother, honorific aside.
“I’m sorry.” Jungkook whispers.
Jimin looks up, glaring at the apology like he’s sworn at him.
“I can’t believe you.” He sneers, barring his teeth intimidatingly while Jungkook swallows.
“I’m sorry.” Jungkook looks down at his feet, and for a moment he feels like a child being scolded but he knew that children would never say anything as vicious as he did, unless they were a product of their environments.
Jungkook still can’t justify his words, or why he said them. But a deep part of his recognises that it was his insecurities peeking through and him weaponising a weapon powerful enough to shoot himself dead.
“This isn't my apology to accept,” Jimin says sternly, “But even if it was—I could never forget what you said to her, Jungkook.”
Jungkook nods, eyes still cast downwards.
“What does this …” he trails off, finally looking up to see Jimin carding a hand through his hair in exasperation and a pinched expression marring his face, “Where does this leave us?’
Jimin knows Jungkook’s asking about the state of their friendship together.
But the anger is blinding and overwhelming, so instead; he tosses his backpack over his shoulder before turning on his heel, head looking back ever so slightly to level Jungkook with a final gaze intense enough to speak for itself.
“Here,” Jimin declares, gesturing to the abandoned ice pack, the bruised cheek and knuckles, “Until you decide to get your shit together, I need time away from you. If not, I’m going to do something that ____ would hate and I don’t want to hurt her any more than you already have.”
The words are sharp, targeted and venomous. But Jungkook recognises he deserves it. He also doesn’t bother fighting back when Jimin finally leaves, leaving Jungkook to bask in his own, clouded thoughts.
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“Why are your knuckles bruised?” Is the first thing you ask Jimin when you see him storming towards you and Taehyung in the library.
Taehyung is aware while you blissfully aren’t.
“None of your business,” Jimin shoots back, but then he’s tugging you out of your seat to hug you.
Your eyes widen, “Jimin?”
When he pulls away, his eyes soften.
“Why didn’t you tell us?”
Taehyung nods and your head is spinning in confusion when you stare between the two boys with furrowed brows.
“Tell you what?”
“Jungkook.” Taehyung answers, eyes boring a hole into your skull.
At the mention of his name, you freeze in Jimin’s grasp as you stare at the both of them with wide eyes.
“How did you know—?”
Jimin frowns, releasing you so that you’re all able to take a seat in a specific corner of the library. You dryly note to yourself that you realise that every one of your conflicting moments of confrontation occurred in this place. Maybe it was about time for a change of scenery.
“Yena,” Taehyung tells you, and you scowl—nearly cussing her out in your mind but you know that your anger wasn’t warranted.
Especially when Jimin reaches out to grab your hand when he notices you looking down at your lap.
“How do you think it felt for us when we had to find out from someone else that you’ve been going through a hard time?” He asks softly, looking at you so gently that your lip nearly trembles.
For the longest time, Jimin and Taehyung were like older brothers that doted on you as much as they could. They took care of you and made sure that you knew your worth ever since the three of you were children. And for that, you could never be more thankful for their presence.
So you understand their hurt, and it makes you feel guiltier when you see Taehyung quietly patting your head although his eyes carry a sadness that only came from a friend withholding information from you.
“I …” You croak.
“You didn’t need to tell us why,” Taehyung reassures gently, “Just wanted to be here for you. For whatever reason, it may be.”
You stare down at your lap even harder and blink away the tears that only came with guilt.
“I’m sorry.” You say so meekly that it comes out as a squeak.
“Please don’t apologise. We just want to be here for you,” Jimin says sadly, squeezing your hand tighter even if you weren’t going to look at him. He doesn’t push you to do so.
“I didn’t want to make things complicated.” You confess softly, fiddling with the thumb on your free hand.
Taehyung scowls, “_____, you know that whatever it is, Jimin and I will try our best to remain as objective as possible but Jungkook said things to you that we're absolutely not okay and as both of your friends, we have a responsibility to hold him accountable.”
You purse your lips, nearly pouting. It’s as if Jimin reads your mind, where a million thoughts run through it, he pulls you closer so that he can properly hug you. Even if the position is a little weird and Taehyung has to bend his arm at a weird angle to be able to hug you too, you feel comforted.
“Don’t be mad at him.” You whisper softly into the material of Taehyung’s shirt.
Jimin snorts, “I release my anger in a healthy manner.”
Your eyes glance down at his knuckle suspiciously but he tugs it away when he notices your wandering eyes.
Taehyung sighs, caressing your hair softly. “We have every right to be angry with him, _____. What he did and said was unacceptable.” He informs you firmly.
You pull away slightly from their hold to furrow your eyebrows, “I know but—”
“You do know,” Jimin says softly, “And we know that you don’t like other people fighting your battles for you so we’ll step out of it. But that doesn’t mean we can’t personally be disappointed in what Jungkook did. He’s our friend too and if he did that to anyone else, we’d still be mad. We’re just extra mad because it’s you and we’re your best friends.”
You dip your head, letting out a sigh of acknowledgement.
“Just … let me talk to him.” You say, and Taehyung raises a brow at the shift in your tone, “This is something I need to do for myself. I appreciate you guys, I really do. But I don’t want things to be weird because of what we did.”
You can tell Jimin is about to argue with you, but Taehyung shoots him a look that shuts him up immediately.
“If that’s what you want.” Taehyung smiles gently at you.
Jimin clenches his jaw, clearly the more displeased one between the two. But he swallows it by clenching his fist and patting your head, shooting you a concerned stare mask in a slight glare.
“Are you sure?” He asks.
You nod, “Very.”
Jimin nibbles on his lips as if deep in thought before pulling away completely, leaning into his chair.
“If you insist,” He sighs, “But Jungkook did get what he deserved.”
You shrug, “I mean I don’t think avoiding him was the worst thing to do, but I guess you’re right.”
Jimin blinks.
Then Taehyung and he are sharing a look familiar enough for you to know only comes out when they did something wrong or were caught causing trouble.
You raise a brow, “Am I missing something?”
Jimin shoots you a reassuring smile and you miss the shift of Taehyung’s eyes to the fist that wraps around your shoulder.
“Nothing at all.”
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You [21:09]: hi jungkook
You [21:24]: can we talk? my door's open if you're free.
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492 notes · View notes
somnambulants · 3 years
Note
Can i request readerxnatasha first time? All good if you don't write smut though xx
she’s the sunset in the west
word count: 1.7K notes: i kinda combined this with another prompt: "intertwining your hands with your lover while making love" bc im feeling v soft today lmao hope you enjoy!  warnings: allusions to lack of bodily autonomy/coerced interactions. 
minors pls don’t interact! 18+ only!
Sex has always been a weapon for her.
Natasha knows she can get whatever she wants from whoever she wants if she just flaunts herself in front of them enough to get their attention. She’s not naïve; her whole life has been set up for her to use her body to get what she wants.
It’s something they teach you in the red room from the time you can walk: your body is your biggest weapon. No one will anticipate you coming.  
And it’s true. 
No one ever sees her coming. 
Natasha has walked into many rooms and turned many heads and managed to take out multiple targets with all eyes on her and without anyone batting those eyes because they were so distracted by her.
It’s where the term black widow comes from. You see her but you don’t see her.
And that’s how she lives her life, with people seeing her but not seeing her. It’s what makes her such a good spy; such a good assassin. People might know she’s dangerous from the second they see her but they’ll be dead and she’ll be long gone before they realise exactly just how dangerous.
No one seems to see through it.
Until she meets you.
You, who met her while she was half naked and soaking wet, everything on display, after a mission had gone slightly wrong and didn’t even blink twice as you shrugged off your own jacket and handed it to her with a kind smile while some of her own teammates struggled to keep their eyes to themselves.
She’s pretty sure she fell in love with you right then and there, with your eyes on the ground, pointedly averted, a faint pink flush staining both of your cheeks and crawling down your neck.
--
Your relationship with Natasha is great. Amazing, in fact. You don’t think you could ask for better or more.
There’s just one thing really.
Sometimes you don’t feel like she’s really there when you’re being intimate. In the moment. Sometimes it’s as though she’s going through the motions and just doing what she feels needs to be done. Or what she thinks you want her to do.
Like right now.
She’s kissing you like she’s on autopilot. You love kissing her and you’re enjoying it, no doubt about that, as you sit splayed across her lap with her arms around you like a cage. 
 You love it. And her.
It just doesn’t feel quite right. 
You know, subconsciously, there must be a reason you’ve been dating for all these months and haven’t had sex yet. You know Natasha has had a lot of sex and you’re not exactly inexperienced yourself in that department.
And yet, every time you get close, she’ll suddenly push you away and make an excuse to leave. 
You know there must be a reason. You just don’t know why or how to broach the subject with her. 
Or you thought you didn’t.
“Why don’t you want to have sex?”
You don’t mean for it to slip out and you cover your mouth as soon as it does, but the damage is already done.
Below you, Natasha, hands still on your waist �� at a perfectly decent height, as though she thinks your parents might walk in and catch you at any second – freezes and looks at you with wide eyes.
“I – I do,” she says after a second, stuttering a little over her words. It would be amusing in any other circumstance to see Natasha Romanoff, the most unflappable person you’ve ever met in your life, struggling for words.
You stare at her until she swallows and looks away from you. “I do,” she repeats, quiet in a way that is distinctly non-Natasha like. “I’m just not used to this.”
It doesn’t make sense to you, what she’s saying but you stay quiet, sensing she’s building up to something and not wanting to interrupt her when it seems like she’s opening up to you about something important.
“I don’t know how to do …,” she waves a hand in between you wordlessly. You know you must look as confused as you feel because she lets out a huff of frustration. “I don’t know. This –It’s hard. For me. To do this with someone I care about.”
She looks so defeated as the words leave her mouth. You suck in a breath as realisation starts to sink in, feeling nauseous at the implication you’re getting from what she’s just said.
“We don’t have to do anything, Nat, ” you say quietly, tilting your head so she has to look at you as you speak. “Not now. Not ever…. if that’s not something you want. I’m sorry if I --”
“No! No!” she interrupts. She seems to have pinpointed where your thoughts have gone and she leans in, looking at you seriously. “No. Of course I want to. I just don’t know how…I’m used to..”
She doesn’t have to finish. You know exactly what she means and for a second, you’re overcome with such vibrant anger at the thought that no one has ever treated her the way she deserves.
You want to make sure she never feels like that again.
“Okay,” you say slowly, as a plan formulates in your head. You’re not sure if it’s the right thing to do but Natasha is looking at you uncertainly, like she thinks you’re going to up and run at any minute so you have to act fast. “Okay, if you’re sure. Can I try something? Please?”
Still looking uncertain, Natasha nods straight away. You lean in to kiss her gently and she immediately reciprocates, pulling you closer, deepening the kiss as though you’ll pull away at any moment.
After you break the kiss, you slide off her lap and then off the couch all together, kneeling down so you’re in front of her.
There’s confusion in her eyes as you do but you don’t address it until you’re settled.
You place your hands on her thighs. “Tell me to stop, okay?” The if you’re uncomfortable goes unsaid but you know she must be able to see it written across your face because she nods, biting her lip.
Hands still on her thighs, you kiss every spot you can reach and are delighted as she lets out a little laugh.
Encouraged, you continue until you reach her thighs.
Watching her carefully, you shift, helping her out of her underwear and pulling it down her legs. As you do, she looks back at you evenly, a little smile now playing around the corners of her mouth.
Internally, you breathe a sigh of relief. This was the right move then. You’re sure of it now. 
This is the most relaxed you’ve seen her like this, you think. You hate that you hadn’t noticed any of this earlier.
But at least, you can do your best from now on by knowing what to look for.
You move your hands, and seeming to read your mind, she meets you in the middle, letting you intertwine your fingers on either side of her thighs as you rest your head on her stomach, watching her for any signs that she isn’t as comfortable with this as she seems. “Okay?”
You can’t see anything in her eyes to indicate it isn’t but still, you wait until she nods, giving you the green light. 
“Yeah,” she says, as you lean back down. Her hips buck a little at the first touch of your tongue against her and she lets out a little breath, biting her lip as she looks at you with darkened eyes: “Yes.”
You continue, encouraged by her little moans and sounds that she makes no attempt to stifle, wasting little time detaching one of your hands to press a finger into her and inhaling sharply as you feel how wet she is around you.
Your actions are rewarded with a moan that quicky turns into a high-pitched gasp as you add another finger quickly after.
You thrust into her, picking up speed as she moans, shoving her hips onto your fingers eagerly in a plaintive request for more. She gets louder as you add a third and you feel her stretch around you. Louder still, when you brush over her clit with your thumb. 
“Okay?” you ask again, a little teasingly. No doubt hearing it, she glares down at you but can’t quite hide the smile on her face, pushing her hips up to meet your fingers.
The smile quickly crumbles in favor of a small cry as you thrust into her harder. Her eyes flutter a little and she bites down on her lower lip. “So okay.”
With your fingers now inside her, you turn your attention to her clit, laving your tongue with it and trying not to grin when she cries out, squeezing you so tightly it’s hard for you to keep going at the pace you are.
She squeezes your hand, digging her nails into your skin as her thighs lock around your head and keep you in place.
In response, you double your efforts and are rewarded as she starts to fall apart above you. 
There’s blissful white noise in your head as she arches her back with a moan – filthier and louder than the rest, as she comes -- cutting off your air supply entirely to the point that you wouldn’t be surprised if you blacked out.
You wouldn’t mind. In fact, you think this would be the best possible way to go.
When she finally releases you, you stay where you are, ignoring the cramp in your legs and rest your head on her stomach again, gazing up at her as she comes down, still twitching occasionally.
She runs her free hand through your hair rhythmically as her chest rises and falls, trying to catch her breath. 
She looks like, for lack of better words, a mess. Hair sticking to her neck, cheeks flushed. She’s still wearing her bra, but the straps are now falling down, off her shoulders.
You think you probably don’t look any better yourself.
She’s so beautiful you think you could stare at her for the rest of your life and not get bored.
You squeeze the hand you’re still holding and her eyes flutter open, meeting yours immediately. “All good?” you ask softly.
She lets out an incredulous sounding little huff, pulling you up so you’re in her lap and she can kiss you.
You moan as she licks the taste of herself off your lips.
“Very much good,” she says, playfully, when you pull apart to breathe for a second.
She kisses you again, deeper and more intensely before shoving you away and reversing your positions. “Your turn.”
297 notes · View notes
bucky-barmes · 3 years
Text
☾✧✧✧ I'm just looking for a good night ✧✧✧☽
female enhanced!reader x tfatws!Bucky
In which you get dragged into a mess in Madripoor while just trying to enjoy yourself. But is the infamous Winter Soldier as bad as you always thought?
[ a/n: idk what this exactly is but i don't hate it, and who doesn't love asshole bucky? maybe i just have a problem, also loosely based on that madripoor episode. also also tried something new for the writing style so i hope you don't mind lemme know if it's shit ]
Minka is polish for strong-willed one, and is a name but here it’s used as a nickname as it’s reader insert
[ word count: ~3,580 words (this started as a lil drabble of reader meeting bucky at a bar, but i guess my brain had other ideas)
includes: asshole bucky, swearing - like a lot (i'm aussie okay?), drinking (alcoholism?), it's pretty fkn angsty, asshole bucky (i'm warning you ok), no -18 pls as it's not entirely g rated & has some implications
[ all works are my own, do not steal, repost or translate ]
tagging some friends (message if you wanna be on a perm taglist/if you don't wanna be tagged in future (i won't take it to heart i promise)) @sweetdreamsbuck @beefybuckrrito @mymindslabyrinth @igotnoname4thisblog @theluxuriousfangirl @posinhay @barnesand1
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The music was blaring, sending vibrations through her body as she swayed to the fast beat. Drink sloshing around as she waved her arms around her above her head. This was it. This was living. Drunk, surrounded by strangers. No one knew her and she knew no one. She was free. And it was incredible.
Going to clubs alone was dangerous, she couldn't remember the number of times her mother had warned her not to. She must have been rolling in her grave at her daughter not only going to a club alone, but to a club in Madripoor no less. The thrill that anything could happen only exciting her more. That, and knowing that the Powerbroker wouldn't let anything happen to her, wouldn't let anyone lay a finger on her. That was the perk of being enhanced and not looking like it, it made you useful.
She had lost track of the hours, and the drinks, thinking only of how good the music made her feel. Of how nothing had felt this good in so long.
She waded through the sea of people, already locking eyes with the bartender as she made a beeline for the bar. She was stopped in her tracks, however, by a wall of bodies.
An almost animalistic growl ripped through her as she slapped her hand down on the shoulder of the man in the middle, a big fur collar adorning his coat. A hard hand gripped her wrist in response and her eyes shifted slowly from the back of man one to the owner of the hand.
Her eyes widened at who they landed on, then narrowed to barely visible slits. Yanking her hand back she didn't break her glare.
"I'm sorry, Dove, did we cut in?" The voice of the middle man broke her chain of thought, and when she looked back to him, he had turned to face her. "How about we buy you a drink to apologise."
"I don't want your handouts, Baron." Venom dripped from her words as she spat back her response. She wedged herself between the Baron and the third man, not someone she recognised, to snatch the drink the bartender placed out for her. "Besides, I don't pay here anyway, don't want you wasting your money."
She was about to work her way back through the crowd of people and to the middle of the dance floor again when she had a thought.
"Hold the fucking phone." Spinning on the spot, her eyes narrowed again, this time at the Baron, but that didn't stop her from seeing the man to his left step forward defensively.
"How are you even here? Last I heard you were stuck in a prison in Germany." Her drink was down and she slammed the glass down on the bar, getting threateningly close to him as she did. "Thought you were never getting out after what you did to them." Her sentence trailed off as her eyes flicked to the man next to him, the one with the metal arm.
The Baron offered her his signature smug smile. "Some people had other plans."
"Well, whatever you're planning," She closed the gap between them further. The shifting of bodies next to them was halted with a raise of the Baron's hand. "Stay the fuck away from me." Hatred seeped from her whole body.
Snatching the new drink that was placed on the bar, her gaze was turned to the apparent bodyguard.
"And I'd think twice before you lay a hand on me again." There was no response, but a subtle cocky smirk instead that only heated her further. She was gone before any of them could speak another word to her.
She was only able to start enjoying herself once more when the sight of the three men had disappeared, then, she was able to let her guard down and the beat of the music slowly took her over again. Until she got a call.
Plugging her other ear so she could hear, she took mental note of the location she was told to move to. The call ended abruptly, they always did with the Powerbroker, but this one was serious. She had begun picking up on the subtle differences between the calls.
Her gun was pulled from her thigh holster as she advanced towards the room Selby used for meetings.
She listened from a distance, the ability being one of many. A phone rang. An awkward silence as the conversation started. Names were thrown around, first Smiling Tiger. 'Yeah, that guy was definitely not Smiling Tiger', she thought to herself as she listened, remembering her run in with him one time. The phone call ended with a goodbye to "Sam"?
There were gunshot before she had time to process anything further.
Kicking the door down, she stepped through slowly, gun raised. It had fallen silent, the three men stood in the middle of the room.
"Holy fuck, what did you do?" Her voice was a mix of shock and anger. The men snapped their heads up.
"Things didn't exactly go according to plan, Dove." The Baron regretfully shrugged as he looked around at the collection of bodies on the floor, inclusive of Selby's.
"Well, why the fuck am I-" A fifth person joined the room before she could finish.
"Because the Powerbroker requested it." Sharon Carter approached her, stone-faced. “And nobody disobeys the Powerbroker.”
“I don’t know, I might’ve had I know it was for these idiots.” She was dead serious as she said it, glaring at the men responsible for the bodies strewn about.
Sharon shot the other woman a look, a look that said ‘you better cut it out right now’.
"Don't, Minka." Sharon's use of the others' nickname amplified the seriousness of it all.
The men in the room didn’t know it, but she, Minka, was the only one who knew who the Powerbroker really was. And you could say she was somewhat of a bodyguard for them.
“The Powerbroker requested it. End of, so get over it.” Sharon snapped at her.
“I can’t believe you’re helping these people.” Her grip on her gun tightened as she interrogated Sharon. “After everything that happened last time.” Her sentence ended with a scoff, clicking on the safety of her gun. She didn't place it back in her holster just yet though.
“Enough.” Sharon’s remark was a bark. An order. “Whether you like it or not, you’re involved now, you’ve seen the bodies. You’re part of it now.”
Minka just glared at her, mumbling “lucky me” under her breath as her daggers turned to the men again. Her anger only bubbled more when she saw the one with the metal arm, the Winter Soldier, staring right back, something she couldn’t quite pick up on behind his cold eyes.
Many hours and gun fights later, everyone made it Sharon's place alive, much to the acrimony of some of them. Of Minka.
"You have a beautiful place, Miss Carter." Baron was walking around, admiring the art as he made the genuine compliment, but he was being eyed. Sharon's personal guard wasn't about to let him touch, ruin, anything.
"Don't touch anything, and get changed, everyone knows what we're wearing now." The last part was directed at the whole group. "And you look like shit, too." Her nose scrunched as she looked them over. Even her associate was included in the statement.
Sharon watched as her figure retreated to the room she had set up, she was there often enough to warrant her own one, and then directed the men to where they could pick out some clothes and change.
There was a soft thump as her body landed on the bed, and she released a long sigh into the covers.
"Yeah, Sharon, I'm not in the mood." Her voice was mumbled from the bed, but was loud enough to hear the frustration.
"Minka, huh?" That was not the voice of Sharon Carter. Her head snapped up to face the door to her room that she swore she locked.
"You don't get to call me that." If looks could kill, the man in the doorframe would have dropped to the floor in record time.
"Is that not your name, Doll?" Arms folded over his chest, a mix of metal and flesh.
"Is your name The Winter Soldier?" The words were laced with malice as she slid off the bed, moving towards him to push him out of her room, her safe space. "Now if you don't mind getting the fuck away from me."
A heavy boot stopped the door from clicking into place, his metal hand forcing it back open, eyes dark. "No, I don't think I will." He stepped into the room, pushing the door closed behind him. This time it was her that stopped the door from closing, hand gripped tightly on the handle, pulling back.
"You've got some fucking nerve coming here like that." Minka yanked the handle as the soldier pushed the door harder, breaking it clean off. "Coming back into Sharon's life like you aren't the one that fucked it up in the first place." The handle dropped with a loud thud.
For a moment, something flashed through his eyes. Regret? Sadness? Whatever it was lasted a mere second before he regained control.
"So, you're like me?" His gaze dropped to the handle on the ground, taking the opportunity to gaze down her body as he did.
It was all she could do from punching him right then and there. "Absolutely not!" If the venom in her voice wasn't evident before, it definitely was now. "I don't kill innocents."
The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. The soldier staring down darkly at the smaller woman.
"It's Bucky."
Her eyes narrowed. "What?"
"My name, it's Bucky. And you can call me that."
She couldn't hold back the scoff that fell from her lips. "I won't be calling you anything. After all this shit is cleaned up, you'll never see me again."
Bucky's head tilted ever so slightly, his voice soft but dark. "I wouldn't be so sure of that." But before she was able to punch question him, Sharon's voice bellowed through the building.
"Downstairs, now."
The pair ripped their eyes from each other, Minka's falling to the handle on the floor. "I'm telling her you broke that. Now fuck off so I can change." And she shoved him out of the room, closing the door over between them, making sure to not close it the whole say so she could actually get out when she was ready.
By the time she had finished getting ready and made her way down to everyone else, people had begun meandering in, admiring the art.
"Took you long enough." Sharon walked up behind her, whispering harshly in her ear.
"Yeah, well you can thank your old friend for that. He's an asshole, by the way." "And he's not a friend." "Well he's the reason I need a drink." She turned to face Sharon, giving her a look of 'I hate you for dragging me into this' before heading to the bar, fully intending on double parking it the whole night.
It didn't take long for her to finally loosen up again, 5 drinks to be exact, and be back in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by sweaty bodies. It may have been an art auction, but nothing was ever not a party in Madripoor, especially if it was organised by the Powerbroker themself.
Minka was so caught up in the moment that she had forgotten entirely about the events of the day, the people of the day.
She had, yet again, lost track of the number of drinks she'd had. But every drink handed her way was downed immediately, not taking any time to register where, or more like who, they were coming from. That was always her greatest weakness, denying alcohol.
She was happily about to take yet another unknown drink being handed to her, when it was snatched from her reach and discarded on a nearby table.
"Hey, what the fuck, that was mine!" She growled, turning with her fist ready to launch into whoever had the nerve to steal her drink.
"Stop taking drinks from strangers, are you an idiot?" Suddenly the memories of the men she had to deal with throughout the day came flooding back. "You're gonna get spiked- in fact, you were about to with that one."
"What? Have you been keeping an eye on me? That's not very Winter Soldier of you." Her tone was mocking as she glared up at Bucky, struggling to stand thanks to the combination of copious amounts of alcohol and continuous movement of people around her.
Bucky placed his large hands on her biceps to keep her steady, eyes narrowing at her words. "You really don't know how to be nice to people, do you?"
"You really don't know how to stay the fuck away from people that don't like you, do you?" She retorted immediately, pulling herself from his grip. "I don't need a goddamn babysitter, especially not you. You don't exactly have the best track record with protecting people." Her back was turned to him and stalking off before she even finished her sentence, but she was yanked back in by her forearm.
"Yeah, I don't think so. You're being watched like a hawk by at least 3 men. Who knows how many of them are trying to spike you and get you separated from the crowd." Bucky's eyes were anywhere but hers, scanning the vast room for anything suspicious, clearly on high alert.
"I don't understand why you fucking care?" Bucky's eyes snapped down to hers, alarmed by her intensity.
"Keep your voice down or you're gonna draw attention to us." He hissed at her, lowering his head and pulling her arm to move her closer to him.
"Good, maybe security will see you're harassing me and escort you out." She snarled, anger rising with every word he spoke. "I'm just looking for a good fucking night and you've managed to ruin it twice now."
"Well take it up with Sharon then, she's the one that told me to keep an eye on you. So clearly she thinks you do need a babysitter." He dropped her arm, that would be enough to keep her in her spot for now.
"You're lying." Her words were barely above a whisper, eyes narrowed at him. "She knows I can hold my own. She's literally hired me for personal protection before."
"Clearly not this time." Bucky's eyes were back to scanning the room. "Not with the types of people here tonight." Minka couldn't help but scoff.
"Oh, because you know Madripoor, right? You've spent how many years here? Oh, that's right, none." She suddenly saw her opportunity to escape, Bucky's eyes not trained on her and her arms free.
"Tell her, as much as I appreciate it, she can shove it." And with that she had weaved her way though the crowd of bodies.
But her abandonment didn't last nearly as long as she had hoped.
All of a sudden she was being pushed against the far wall of the room where she was escaping to, breath knocked out of her.
"What the fu-" Lips landing on hers cut off her protests. Her eyes widened when she realised who said lips belonged to.
"Get off of me!" She spat when she was finally able to push Bucky off. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"People are following you. If they know you're with me they're less likely to try something."
"I'm not with you. In fact, I want to be as far away from you as physically possible right now." Bucky's arms, which were trapping her in by pressing against the wall either side of her face, fell to his side. His face turned emotionless for a moment before returning to his usual arrogant demeanour.
"You can't tell me you didn't feel the spark." He winked, a cocky grin plastered on his face when he saw the heat creep to her cheeks.
"Please, you wish there was a spark." Her eyes rolled as she paused. "I've had knife fights with more spark than that."
"Maybe we should have a knife fight sometime then." Bucky's response was quick, and smooth.
"Have you forgotten that you're never going to see me again after all this shit? Although," Minka tapped her chin in mock thought. "If you're offering to let me stab you, I'll gladly take you up on that." Unlike Bucky's, her face held no semblance of humour.
"I'm sure you'll change your mind by the end of it." Bucky eyed her suggestively.
"God, please don't tell me you're into me. Maybe I do want those supposed guys to take me, seems better than the alternative." She groaned at the thought of having to deal with him fawning after her.
Bucky's face indicated that that was definitely not he case. His eyes, however, suggested her words had hurt him a little. "God, never. But if you really want, I can hand deliver you to them myself." He pointed in the direction of said men.
Her nose crinkled. "Okay, maybe not them."
"Yeah, that's what I thought."
"Sharon, we have a serious problem!" Minka stormed into the kitchen after the last few people had left and the party was over, Bucky not far behind her. "So I need a babysitter now? I thought I was the personal protection around here." Her fist collided heavily with the table.
"You are," Sharon looked at her nonchalantly as she poured herself a glass of whiskey. "Until alcohol is involved. You're as useless as that new Captain America when there's booze around." A sip. "Case in point." Sharon hummed, watching your eyes follow her glass from bench, to mouth, to bench again.
"Oh please." She snorted. "And you thought pairing me with this idiot was a good idea?" He hand gestured back to Bucky at idiot, not caring if it offended him. "He just makes me want to drink more."
Sharon was about to give her a look, but Minka just shook her head, throwing her hands up. "No, I'm not dealing with this tonight. I'm going to bed." "Take him with you." Sharon nodded towards Bucky.
"Oh fuck no, why the fuck would I-" "Because everyone knows you're involved, and your head is on a spike now, too. They want you dead, Minka." She couldn't argue with Sharon when she used her nickname for her. And the pain in her voice was evident.
"Fine, but you're sleeping on the floor." Bucky just shrugged, "nothing new."
"You sleep there." A finger pointed to the sofa on the far side of the room. Conveniently away from the bed. "I'll get you a blanket."
Bucky's brow quirked. "I thought I was on the floor?" He feigned confusion, head tilting to the side before his cocky smirk returned.
"Keep going and you will be." The blanket was thrown at his face, along with a pillow.
"A pillow too? Wow, it's like a 5 star hotel." She just glared.
"If you snore, you're out. If you sleep talk, you're out. You make any sort of noise and you're out. Capisce?"
"Guess it's a good thing I don't sleep then, huh?" Bucky threw the blanket and pillow onto the sofa.
"Now see, that just makes it weird. Like that scene from Twilight." "Well, yeah, when you put it like that it is." His face screwed up at the thought, recalling the scene.
"How do you- Actually no, I'm tired and I don't care." She had been about to ask how he understood the reference, but decided that was going to open a whole can of worms that she didn't care about.
"I may be over 100, but I have seen Twilight. Wanda made me watch it with her." He didn't need to be a mind reader to know what she was about to ask. And he didn't blame her, it probably would be surprising that a 106 year old had seen Twilight.
"Don't worry, Doll, I won't stare. Much." And now it was her turn to scrunch her face up.
"If you fucking touch me, I'll rip that metal arm from your body and shove it so far up your ass." Her sentence trailed off, however, when Bucky stepped closer to her, his gaze intense as he looked down at her.
"And how do you think I would touch you?" Another step closer, making her step back and gulp.
With her mouth agape, Minka was lost for words, probably for the first time in her life. Sharon unknowingly came to her rescue, though, when she knocked on the door while entering.
"Set your alarm for 6," Her eyes narrowed at them both and the distance, or lack there of, between them. "We've gotta be out of here asap tomorrow. Make sure you get enough sleep." "Will do, Sharon." Minka's gaze flicked to her, nodding once before she left the room, confusion plastered on her features.
"Right, well that's bed time then." Her tongue ran over her lips nervously, and she was painfully aware of Bucky's eyes watching. "I'm going to get changed." She turned and basically ran to the bathroom attached to her room.
"I'll be out here waitin'." "You're disgusting, don't think anything." "Wouldn't dream of it, doll."
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dimitrescus-bitch · 3 years
Text
Slow Down (Jemily x Reader)
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smut
It was stupid, but you had to do it. You’d run out of your cover to protect a civilian. There had been a chance that the unsub wasn’t even going to shoot at her, but there was also a chance that he would have. She was young and had her whole life ahead of her, so you pushed her out of the way. In doing so, you’d drawn attention to yourself and before anyone on your team could react, he shot you. 
“Is the girl okay?” you asked as a member of your team ran over to check on you. 
“She’s fine,” Emily answered you. You sat up a little bit and saw that JJ was just staring at you with a look of pure fear in her eyes. You glanced over at Emily and tried to use her to stand up. “No, stay down. They’re bringing over help now.” 
I’m fine. Go check on the girl,” you said and Emily nodded at Morgan. He ran over to get the girl into an ambulance, knowing you wouldn’t go until she was taken care of. The bit of waiting had amounted in more blood loss than what made anybody comfortable. “Take JJ to the hospital.” 
“Don’t you want one of us with you?” Emily asked and you shook your head. 
“She needs you more than I do right now,” you told her. Emily kissed your forehead, gave your hand a squeeze, and then walked over to JJ. The two of them walked off together and you watched them get into an SUV as the ambulance doors were shut. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
“Quit fidgeting, you’ll tear your stitches,” JJ told you. Emily was signing your hospital release papers and then they’d be able to take you home. Your room was clear across from the nurse’s station, where a nurse was helping Emily with the forms. 
“I can’t help it, I’ve been here for so long. I want to go home.” JJ turned around and gently pushed you back onto the hospital bed. It was easier to keep you still while you were sitting down. 
“We have you take you out in the wheelchair,” Emily told you as she wheeled the chair into your room. You hopped off of the bed, not noticing JJ’s little wince when you did, and sat down in your chair. JJ had your go bag slung over her shoulder as she walked next to Emily, who wheeled you out. 
“Can we stop and get something to eat on the way to the airport?” you asked, glancing back at your girlfriends. 
“Yes, we will stop to get something to eat,” Emily promised you. You smiled and once you were out of the hospital, you got out of the wheelchair and walked over to the SUV that had to be yours. “Y/n!” 
“Slow down!” JJ yelled at you as she chased you down. “You’re gonna rip your stitches moving like that.” 
“Sorry, I’m excited to go home,” you said innocently. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
“Shit,” you swore as you noticed one of your stitches had come loose. JJ was going to kill you. She had let you come work out with her on the condition that you didn’t do anything that would rip a stitch. 
The past two weeks had been hard around the house, especially between you and JJ. Both her and Emily had been giving you the benefit of the doubt, but you knew that they wanted to confront you about what happened. The fact that you’d been trying to come back ahead of schedule was not helping one bit. All you had to do was make it to the end of the week, get your stitches out, and hopefully your girlfriends would be a bit more relaxed around you. 
“Y/n, are you okay in there?” JJ’s voice cut through the door. You fixed the stitch the best you could, wrapped a new bandage over it, and then stepped out of the bathroom. “What were you doing?” 
“Changing my bandage, it was sweaty,” you told her. “Sorry, if I worried you for taking too long.” 
“It’s, uh, fine. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t rip a stitch or anything,” JJ said and you gave her a small smile. ���I ordered you a smoothie, come on.” 
“Remember, we have to stop by the café and get Em a coffee,” you reminded JJ. The two of you picked up your smoothies, then JJ ran over to the café to get Emily’s coffee while you walked out to the car. 
“You’re covering your side again. Are you sure that you didn’t do too much?” JJ asked you. 
“JJ, I’m fine. Just wrapped a little too tightly,” you said through grit teeth. JJ muttered something under her breath as she started the car and the two of you just didn’t talk for the rest of the drive into work. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
“I am a free woman!” You jumped around the parking garage excitedly. Emily sighed as she tugged your arm to move you towards the car. JJ had opted for not coming to the appointment today since there wasn’t anything new happening. It was just a confirmation that you were cleared to go back to work and live your life as normal. There’d be some pain and discomfort for a little while longer, but that was expected. 
“Calm down. I’m pretty sure that this just means JJ’s not going to be afraid about yelling at you,” Emily told you. 
“Why would JJ yell at me?” you asked and Emily sighed. You kept trying to think of reasons why or what you could have done to upset JJ, but came up with nothing. Sure, you could be a bit reckless sometimes, but you’d never do something that put someone else’s life in danger. 
JJ was still at work whenever the two of you got home, so you sat on the couch and had a glass of wine with Emily. You didn’t really like wine, but Emily had found one that you could drink without complaining. It was nice to have that quiet moment with Emily, especially since JJ had been kind of tense since you’d gotten out of the hospital. You had sort of hoped that JJ would have relaxed more when she got home, but she hadn’t. 
“Hey, do you know if Hotch looked at the email for my field clearance?” you asked as you got off the couch. You were getting up to give JJ a kiss, but tripped over something on your way there and she just barely caught you. 
“You can’t walk across the living room, I don’t think he’s gonna clear you so easily,” Emily said and you scoffed. 
“I tripped over a sock that I dropped when I carried laundry upstairs. I think I can clear the obstacle course,” you said and JJ sighed loudly. “Something wrong?” 
“Yeah, there’s a lot wrong actually. You haven’t fucking learned anything. You’re always going a million miles an hour that you don’t stop to think about what you’re doing. You got shot because you couldn’t slow yourself down long enough to realize how much danger you were putting yourself in. It’s a miracle that you didn’t rip yourself wide open again trying to prove how recovered you were. You’re a hazard to have on the field because you don’t slow down long enough to think about your wellbeing, so Emily and I have to!” JJ yelled at you. You shrunk back into yourself a bit as you glanced between her and Emily. Never in your relationship had JJ yelled at you before and you didn’t know what to do. 
“I’m gonna go.” You turned around and looked for the jacket that you’d worn out. JJ walked into the kitchen and once she was gone, Emily pulled you onto the couch with her again. “Em, it’s just a walk. Don’t worry, I won’t get myself shot.” 
“You didn’t listen. It’s hell knowing that you could do something impulsive and we could lose you because you couldn’t think twice about what you were doing. You’re so free and that’s amazing, it’s part of why it was so easy for the two of us to fall in love with you, but it’s terrifying Y/n. Come on, I think you and JJ need to talk,” Emily said and you nodded. You let her lead you into the kitchen. JJ was leaning against the counter with her head down against her arms. “Jayje.” 
“I know Emily, I shouldn’t yell at her,” JJ replied without looking up. You heard a sniffle and your heart broke at the idea that you’d made JJ cry. 
“Jayje, please look at me,” Emily said and JJ stood up. She looked at Emily and then her eyes moved to where you were standing behind Emily. “I think that both of you are frustrated and instead of taking it out on each other by yelling or running away from it, I think we need to all talk.” 
“You’re selfless to a fault,” JJ told you as she took a step towards you. 
“What do you mean?” you asked and JJ grabbed onto your hands. 
“You don’t think about yourself. If you can protect someone else or help them, you will. That’s amazing, but when you don’t think about yourself, you don’t think about us and how much you mean to us. You think that you don’t matter as much as other people, but that’s not true. Nobody matters more than you and Emily to me.” JJ brushed a piece of hair out of your face and for the first time that night, you were able to look her in the eyes. “Don’t stop being selfless. Don’t stop being yourself. Just please, slow down.” 
“Slow down. I think I can do that, for you guys,” you said and JJ smiled at you. She kissed you and when she was done, Emily pulled you into her arms for a hug. 
“We love you, too much to let you get yourself killed,” Emily told you. You felt Emily’s lips press a kiss to your neck and without realizing it, you moaned a little. When you lifted your head, both Emily and JJ had the same look on their faces. “It’s been a long time.” 
“I think you need an example of what it means to slow down,” JJ said as she took your hand. 
“I really think I do,” you agreed. JJ and Emily walked you to the bedroom and straight over to the bed. Emily sat behind you, rubbing your shoulders and kissing your neck as JJ sat beside you. The way that JJ was kissing you was more gentle than anything else you’d experienced before. 
Emily turned your head so that she could also kiss you and JJ started on undressing you. Since you had gone into that morning, you were still wearing your more formal work attire. JJ start unbuttoning your shirt from the top down. Emily’s hands moved around to help her, going up from the bottom. Their hands met and JJ’s hands moved onto your sides while Emily pulled your shirt off from your shoulders. 
Emily leaned your body back against hers so that JJ could lean in over your lap easier. JJ pressed kisses across your clavicle and then started down your chest. Emily’s hands moved behind your back to unhook your bra as JJ just kept trailing kisses down your torso. JJ pressed a kiss to the scar that was forming where you’d been most recently shot. Once JJ had moved on past that, Emily brought her hands around so that she could tease your nipples. 
“If things get to be too much, tell us,” JJ said as she unbuckled your belt. 
“I will,” you promised. JJ popped open the button on your pants and then bit the zipper to tug it down with her teeth. Your mouth went a little dry at that action. Emily leaned down to kiss you as JJ pulled your pants down your legs. 
You were left laying in between them in just your underwear. They felt simple to you, a light blue cotton with a white lace trim. Emily leaned over you and trailed her hand down your torso until her fingers were just over the front of your underwear. JJ was marking a trail along the inside of your thigh. Just as JJ’s head came close enough, Emily tangled her fingers in the blonde hair and held JJ’s face against you. 
You gasped at the feeling of JJ’s tongue pressing against you. She moved slowly, almost to the point where it was driving you crazy. Emily sensed that you were getting antsy and released JJ’s head. JJ glanced up at you as she hooked her finger into your underwear and pulled down. Your hips lurched forward in a futile attempt to feel the press of her finger against you once more. 
“Stay,” Emily told you as she draped her arm across your shoulders to keep you still. JJ resumed her position in between your legs once more and slowly ran her tongue through your folds. You threw your head back against Emily, moaning loudly as JJ picked up her pace a little bit. 
You had to have been dripping by the time that JJ finally decided to push her fingers inside of you. She had started off with two at a slow pace. You could feel her pushing them up and moving in a “come hither” motion inside of you. Your body wanted to twist and turn so badly, but you kept yourself still. It was easier with Emily holding you in place, but once she shifted her body a bit and moved her hand in between your legs, you were a goner. 
“Fuck,” Emily swore as she felt how wet you were. JJ and Emily shared a look that you barely caught before you squeezed your eyes shut. Emily and JJ’s movements fell perfectly into sync and that was when your body decided that it had hit its limit. Emily’s hand moved away from your clit to hold your body against hers as JJ’s fingers rocked back and forth inside of you slowly. 
Emily was whispering reassurances to you, but you couldn’t focus on her words. Not with how JJ was dragging out your orgasm. Emily moved her hand onto JJ’s wrist to stop her whenever she deemed that your body had been through enough. JJ moved out from in between your legs and sat beside Emily. JJ ran her hands through your hair as Emily played with your fingers until you had fallen asleep with them watching over you. 
363 notes · View notes
cloud-9ine · 3 years
Text
Through a Golden Lens (pt 1)
⤷ pairing - hawks x (fem) reader
⤷ fandom - bnha 
⤷ warnings - some language, hawks flirting, reader’s cynicism 
⤷ summary - reader is a bitter, overworked photographer at a hero press agency with little patience for her newly assigned muse- hawks
⤷ word count - 4.5k+
⤷ notes - i have lots of ideas so this is probably going to be a multi-part series. also new to tumblr so this might not be the best
⤷ pt 1, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4, pt 5, pt 6
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“Mr. Hawks! Please look this way!” his heavy lidded eyes rolled to the side as another blinding flash burned through his vision. 
“You look perfect, thank you!” it was hard to smile for their benefit, but he managed. Hawks had attended countless of these events for the press. It had been exhilarating at first, with the rush of adrenaline from the cameras and the lights and the endless stream of compliments solidifying his place in the public eye.
Nowadays, it was less thrilling. After a while, they all seemed the same- each one blurring into a senseless flare of cameras and hollow accolades.
He was bored, to say the least.
“Mr Hawks, would you like to come and see? I’d love to hear your opinion on this set!” with a practiced, easy smirk he nodded. It was easier to pander to the artist than to criticise their work. 
He looked good, but when did he not? The shoots were easy to glide through. All he had to do was pull a boyish grin, ‘make love to the camera’ as the photographers always liked to spout. It didn’t really matter what he did: the public would eat up anything with his face slapped on to the front. They all looked the same to him, anyway.
“Looks good,” he wondered why people were so easily satiated by shallow praises, but as he stared at the younger lady’s blush, he couldn’t help but realise that maybe it was him who had something to do with it.
Hawks couldn’t help his gaze from drifting to the door. His skin prickled in the humidity of all the moving bodies in one enclosed space and he longed to take a step outside and stretch his wings in a way that wasn’t to pose for a magazine. 
For a moment, he felt like his prayers had been answered when the door opened, letting in a stream of natural light to breach the artificiality of the modelling room. 
”(L/N)! You were supposed to be here over three hours ago!” the woman in front of him exclaimed, ripping the camera away from his view and marching to the figure that appeared in the light. He blinked in surprise: this entire shoot he hadn’t heard her raise her voice above anything but a low mumble when conversing with him, and now she was positively fuming.
You stared down at your co-worker through honey-tinted shades, expression unamused.
“Yeah, and I was also supposed to be out of this job three years ago. We don’t all do what we’re supposed to, cupcake.”
For a moment, Hawks thought you were a model. Tasteful cream turtleneck tucked into heavily creased mocha skirt, caramel beret perched on your head. There were a few metal, classy looking rings wrapped around your fingers, but as far as he could see, no wedding ring. It was pretty standard style for those who worked in the arts, but somehow you wore it so well. 
Your hair was a little dishevelled, and the dark circles under your eyes combined with the coffee cup in your hand were obvious signs of a rough night. His eyes locked on to the loopy black handwriting on the brown band around the cup.
(L/N) (Y/N)
You were no model, but Hawks couldn’t see the difference.
His wings beat lightly behind his back as he glided over, weaving through the other photographers and models scattered around the area. 
“Hey there, I’m Hawks,” he said smoothly, voice saccharine as he spoke to you. Your attention turned to him as you glanced at him from above the frames of your sunglasses, seemingly unimpressed.
“This the new boytoy, Mizuki?” you asked, eyes raking up and down his figure. Hawks was never one to shy away from the gaze of others, but the way you were inspecting him made him feel so exposed.
“Show some respect,” Mizuki muttered, voice lowered at Hawks’ presence but glare still piercing. You sighed, sparing one last glance at Hawks before snatching the camera out of Mizuki’s hands, leaving her scrambling for the device as you walked away.
“Lemme see what you’ve got already,” Mizuki’s face grew red, half from anger towards you, and half because of the embarrassment of being diminished in front of Hawks.
“(L/N) y-you can’t just come in three hours late and take over! I’ve already done the shoot and Hawks has already expressed that he is pleased with the outcome,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes and shooting the shorter woman a glare over your shoulder.
“There’s no way you’re gonna force me to come into work and make me sit here doing nothing,” you sneered, waving the camera around almost teasingly, “you wanted someone actually skilled to do this shoot, and here I am. Let me do my thing,” without waiting for a response, you left, thumb fumbling with the dial that allowed you to scroll through the photos.
Hawks was impressed. You hadn’t bat an eye when you saw him, and while you were very clearly very late, you were confident in your skills and obviously took your job seriously.
“Who was that?” he questioned, wings spreading slightly as his eyes chased after you. Mizuki bowed her head, remorse filling her expression.
“I apologise for her impertinence. That’s (L/N), she was who your original photographer was supposed to be today, but when she didn’t show up I had to take over,” she huffed, “she’s been like this for about a year now, and the boss is prepared to fire her if she keeps it up. So you’d think she’d be able to pull her at together for you, Mr. Hawks...”
After a while, Hawks tuned out her whining, eyes curiously trained on you, surveying your furrowed brows and expression pinched with annoyance as you studied the photos. Although they looked good enough to him, it appeared that you didn’t share the same sentiment. 
Hawks didn’t have time to avert his eyes when you turned your head, gaze locking on to his. You raised a slightly suspicious brow, but otherwise didn’t entertain his actions. 
“Mizuki, why would you use cool lighting?” you called over your shoulder, not even sparing the decency to turn around and face the person you were addressing. Mizuki frowned, moving to your side. Like a magnet, Hawks did the same, peering over your other shoulder. You eyed him from the corner of your vision for a second before tapping the screen. 
“What do you mean?” you sighed at your co-workers words, evidently frustrated.
“Considering you have bird boy over here in dark academia, accented in warmer yellows, using cool lights will bring out too much of a contrast. We need to match the accent colours with warmer lighting, or use a overlay,” you muttered, seemingly addressing yourself more than the two of them. Mizuki just shook her head.
“That would just oversaturate the image,” you snorted, giving her the same patronising look an adult would give a child if they tried to outsmart them.
“Not necessarily. I could spot-reduce saturation in highlight areas during editing. Or, if you really want your contrast, I could neutralise the warmer shades by using a blue, or compliment them using a red,” Hawks didn’t miss the way you said ‘I’ instead of ‘we’. Mizuki looked agitated, her frown growing deeper.
“Even so, we only have white backdrops. That would be a jarring contrast. You’d need something darker or more clustered to make it work. If you wanted a backdrop change you probably should’ve come earlier,” she spoke with a formality that obviously stemmed from Hawks next to her, but you paid no mind. You were silent for a moment, and Hawks could see your eyes narrowing as you were thinking.
“I need a natural background, huh?” you mumbled, thumbing the buttons on the camera. With a shrug, “alright, bird boy, come on, we’re leaving,” Hawks blinked in surprise as you spun on your heel, a grin breaking onto his face. Finally, he got to leave.
“Whatever you say, boss,” you shot him an irritated look.
“Don’t call me that. I’m 22, not 40,” his feathers ruffled up. “Hey, I’m also 22! What a coincidence, right?” he grinned, winking at you. You just responded by rolling your eyes.
Mizuki spluttered, trying in vain to get either one of you to stop as Hawks trailed after you.
“L-Look, you can’t just leave-” you turned, shoving the camera back into her hands, a mirthless smile on your face.
“Watch me,” your voice was cold, goading her to try and stop you, “bird boy, out, now.” Hawks didn’t have to be told twice. Some of the others whispered and muttered as they realised what was going on, but they all fell quiet when you shot them a sharp glare.
He breathed in the fresh air with a content sigh, his chest feeling lighter now he was out the cramped room. The amber glow from the late afternoon sun kissed his tanned skin as he stretched his arms above his head, his forearms flexing slightly under his dark blazer. His eyes shut in bliss and head tilted back, exposing his sharp jawline.
You eyed him slightly, eyes trailing across his features. Now that you had actually left, you were a little lost on what your plan was. You didn’t regret storming out of there, though, nor did you even consider turning back to apologise.
You took your own camera out of the dark camera bag slung across your body, careful not to scratch it on the tripod, and focused the lens on Hawks. It was smaller, a little more compact than the ones Mizuki and the others were using, but you found that it was much better suited for portrait work. 
The click of the camera shutter brought Hawks out of his stupor, eyes snapping open and immediately landing on you. Your attention had already been diverted to the screen, studying your work. 
“The modelling room is stuffy, I’ll give you that,” you mumbled, zooming in on his face, “but you can stretch while we walk,” Hawks leaned over you, eyes sparkling at the shot.
“Aw, you make me look so good, I’m flattered!” you rolled your eyes.
“Don’t be,” you took a large sip of your coffee, moving down the pathway as you thought. Hawks scrambled after you, his wings puffing out when he reached your side. You couldn’t help but gaze at the bright red feathers as he unfurled his wings, a small, happy chirping noise rumbling at the back of his throat once they were fully spread behind your back. They were warm, you noticed, feeling the heat through your turtleneck. 
Your vision was filled with a cheeky smirk painted on full lips, Hawks’ face appearing in front of your eyes. Your eyes narrowed as you sized him up.
“See something you like?” you rolled your eyes as he purred. 
“Not in the slightest, bird brain,” his wings beat behind his back, hand clutching the fabric on his chest.
“Oh, how you wound me!” Hawks cried, and you couldn’t help but smile slightly, which you quickly covered with your coffee cup. 
“I’m sure you’ll face a villain that will do greater damage than I could,” he hummed, angling his face towards the sun. 
“So, where are we headed?” you chewed on your bottom lip, slinging your camera over your shoulder. 
“It can’t be anywhere with lots of traffic, you attract a lot of attention, you know?” it was a rhetorical question, but Hawks’ chest still puffed out in pride at your words.
“Thanks, it’s because of my raging-”
“Shut up,” you cut him off, “either way, I have a pounding headache and I do not have enough shits to give to put up with your fan girls today,” with a sigh, you rubbed your temples. Hawks stared at your clenched teeth.
“Hey, why do you-” “I think I know where we can go,” he frowned.
“You know it’s not polite to interrupt people like that-”
“Sunflowers.” your tone dripped finality as you faced Hawks, a brazen determination in your eyes he hadn’t seen until now. It made his breath hitch in his throat.
Breathy chuckle escaping his lips, and eyebrows furrowed when you sped your pace, gulping down more of your coffee.
“Uh, what?” you waved a hand dismissively.
“There’s a sunflower field in Fukuroi City, I think it’s west from here,” the tiniest of grins etched onto your features, “it’s gonna be a lot more interesting than the rest of those blank background. Plus, the yellow will compliment your clothes, and with the sun low in the sky I’ll get my perfect warm lighting,” you explained. Hawks wasn’t sure exactly how much of a difference it would make, but the idea seemed charming, and it was more exciting than being perpetually flanked by a white screen.
“Sounds good,” he chirped, “although, to be honest, you could take me out anywhere and I wouldn’t mind,” you rolled your eyes. 
“That’s a shame, because I don’t intend to hang around any more than I have to,” Hawks pouted, crossing his arms.
“Come on, I wanna know more about you!” you bristled.
“Good for you.” the two of you fell into a beat of silence before Hawks smiled, undaunted.
“I’m sure I can win you over somehow,” shaking your head in disbelief, you lifted the cup to your lips, before looking down disappointedly when you realised it was empty.
“I don’t have enough coffee for this,” you muttered. Hawks’ expression brightened. 
“That’s an easy fix: your agency is around here so you must know there area pretty well,” he spoke nonchalantly, as if he was on a casual lunch date and not in the most expensive outfit you’d seen in your entire life, “what’s the best place to grab a coffee?” for a moment, you looked taken aback, before shaking your head.
“Best café in these parts is the Sunset Hour,” you said, rubbing the back of your neck, “but as much as I have no inhibitions regarding bunking off work, that’s a little too far away. I need to take this pictures before the end of the day or Mizuki’ll submit those crappy ones she took in the studio,” Hawks nodded in understanding, smile never faltering for a second.
“Well I gotta get you your caffeine fix somewhere, so what’s the second best?” your expression scrunched in thought for a moment, before you jutted a thumb over your shoulder.
“There’s a Starbucks across the road,” he snickered seeing your blank expression.
“Not exactly where I would want our first date, but I suppose it’ll do,” rolling your eyes, you shoved the empty cup to his chest, which he gripped almost instinctively. 
“Good thing this isn’t a date, then,” Hawks grinned, sending your empty cup on a feather to the nearest bin before chasing after you as you crossed the road. You didn’t spare him a single glance when he appeared at your shoulder, nor when he reached over above your head to open the Starbucks door from behind you.
“So you’re saying we can have our first date somewhere else?” with a shallow sigh, you shook your head.
“What I’m saying is that there’s not gonna be a first date. Not between us,” his chest tightened. God, you were so mean. He’d be into that.
The inside of the Starbucks was a mix between modern, western architecture and traditional Japanese woodwork. The equipment was all cutting edge, and the tables and chairs were made with a sleek mahogany, but the windows were framed with bamboo shutters, and the backroom was separated with shoji sliding doors. It was an curious blend, one that you studied with an interest. The deep, earthy scent of roasted coffee beans heavily imbued the air, filling your nose with the aroma of something far more familiar. 
Given it was the late afternoon, and most people tended not to drink caffeine after 2pm, the patrons were few and far in between. Good for you, at least. It meant you wouldn’t get- “Hawks? Sorry to bother you but can we get a picture?” your head turned at the voice that rung out.
Two high school girls stood to your left, hands clutched together in front of their chests and a dark pink coating their cheeks. With a small sigh, you took a step forward in the small queue. Hawks smiled with all the faux charm in the world, an obvious change in his demeanour as his pride spiked.
“Of course! And just as it happens, I have my personal photographer here who can make sure your photos look amazing as you two do!” it took you a moment to register what he had said through the excited squeals of the girls before he clutched your shoulders and pulled you forward, causing you to stumble slightly. 
“Your what?” he sent you an audacious smirk, willing you to play along as one of the girls handed you her phone. Your first instinct was to decline, but as you met the eyes of the girls, so eager and bright, you couldn’t find it in you to disappoint them. 
Taking a couple steps back, you lifted the phone, slightly angling it so the picture looked more natural, and not that of a celebrity and their fans (even if it was). You squinted angrily at the poor lighting, but tried to rectify it the best you could. The girls looked a little tense, but Hawks was a natural. A liberal smirk played on his lips and shoulders rolled back, relaxed. Even with the low lighting, the highlights on his cheekbone and jawline were indescribably perfect, and you weren’t sure if the credit should go to you or his god-like genes.
“Wow, that’s perfect!” one of the girls cried, her body appearing by your side. You hadn’t even noticed her moving, “thank you so much!” you just nodded, handing her back her phone and crossing your arms, eyes narrowing at Hawks.
“If that’s all, ladies, we best be ordering,” they nodded frantically at Hawks’ words, sharply bowing and spouting their thanks to the two of you countless times. They left the Starbucks, but even outside you could still hear them fawning over the picture. He faced you with a grin, but you couldn’t muster up a smile.
“Don’t go around telling people I’m your personal photographer,” you sneered. He pouted, looking genuinely disappointed for a second. “What, you don’t wanna be mine?” “Not in the slightest.” 
“What will be your order, Miss?” the barista had directed the question at you, but it was clear his attention was elsewhere. You weren’t surprised, but a small swell of annoyance grew in your mind.
“Can I have a mocha with a double shot of expresso?” Hawks chuckled.
“Might as well have an expresso, you know. You’re basically just taking a shot of caffeine,” you shrugged.
“It’s my favourite drink. I like the chocolate taste,” he looked at you with round eyes, a small squeeze in his chest.
“And you, sir?”
“Oh, I’ll have the same, then,” he didn’t miss the way your eyes darted to him. The barista nodded, tapping for a couple seconds before turning back.
“That’ll be 660 yen,” “I’m paying,” Hawks blurted, even before you could offer. You were silent, a small nod in the affirmative rocking your head. As he handed over the bills, he chuckled. “You know, not that I mind, but usually couples would argue over who’s paying,” you rolled your eyes.
“We’re not a couple,” you watched the barista prepare your drinks, more of a way to occupy yourself rather than a genuine interest, “besides, you’re a lot richer than I am. I don’t mean to be impolite, but I’m sure you can lose 600 yen and still be good,” he hummed happily.
“No disagreements there.” “Are you two eating in or taking out?” the barista asked, in the midst of securing the plastic lids to the top of the cups. Hawks’ eyes sparkled as he turned to you with an excitement you assumed only appeared in children.
“Hey, we can-” “Take out,” you responded, giving a now deflated Hawks a challenging look, “I will leave you here if I have to.” the blonde grinned. “You wouldn’t. You need me for the pictures,” he sang, voice jovial.
“I don’t care about you that much. The sunflowers are probably less annoying subjects anyway,” oh. With no warning, his heart beat sped up, his wings puffing out slightly. Sure, he wouldn’t mind if you were a little nicer to him, but your insults were like a breath of fresh air. There was no doubt that Hawks loved the limelight, loved the popularity he got, but the relentless ass-kissing got old after a while. You kept him on his toes. Even if he was just constantly chasing after you every time you brushed him off, he didn’t care. 
“Put those away, bird brain,” it was then he realised his wings had spread further than he intended, stretched out on either side of him. One was curled right around his face, and he almost felt himself blushing as he pulled them in. It was just animal instincts, he assured himself. 
The rest of the journey was filled with a one-sided conversation of him talking and commenting on what was around you, with no response from you except the occasional witty retort or light-hearted jab at his expense, each one making his heart flutter. It wasn’t too long before you had arrived, the chain link fence around the plot stretching high above your head and corroded with orange rust. 
Rows and rows of bright yellow sunflowers stretched to the horizon, an immense display of summer vitality. The fragrance was potent, a sort of cloying sweetness that you didn’t hate. And just as you were about to enter, you knew you had made a mistake. 
“Oh.” Hawks stared at you incredulously, attention switching from your taken aback expression to the sign posted on the gate.
“You didn’t check to see it was open?” you looked up at him, allowing him to survey a tinge of remorse he hadn’t recognised until this point. 
“Look, how was I supposed to know? This place has always been open at this time since I was a little kid,” you rubbed your arm, brows furrowed. Hawks sighed, rolling his shoulders back.
“Well, the sun’s too low to go anywhere else outside,” he shrugged, “it’s no biggie, I guess. Those other photos weren’t too bad. Hey, now that we’re free, do you want to- what are you doing?” your foot was halfway in the gaps in the gate, the wedges on your heels making it hard to climb.
“I’m not wasting my day for nothing,” you growled, fingers curling around the metal, “get climbing, bird boy,” with a soft sigh, smile gracing his lips and a warm feeling in his chest, Hawks spread his wings.
“I think you’re forgetting something that’ll make this a lot easier,” you felt a cool draft on your back as Hawks flapped his wings, the feeling being quickly replaced by the warmth of his chest as he pulled you in. A foreign emotion coiled in your stomach, but you convinced yourself that it was just the flight.
One arm wrapped around your shoulders, the other supporting your knees, and all Hawks was thinking that such a gentle flight never felt so calming. 
Your feet tapped against the soft soil, sinking in to it slightly when the hero placed you down. You nodded your thanks.
“Let’s go over there, I want the sun coming in from the right,” Hawks nodded, content to just follow your orders. You pulled the tripod from your bag and set it up, adjusting it to your liking as Hawks looked around, trying to think of a pose. 
Once everything was ready, you turned your attention to Hawks.
“I want to humanise you,” he grinned curiously as you walked over.
“What do you mean by that?” he nearly gasped when you grabbed his chin, angling his face to the side and slightly up, towards the sun. You took a step closer, reaching up and running a hand through his hair. He bit his lip, hands trembling as you tugged slightly, trying to mess it up a little.
“All the photos I’ve seen on you always put a huge emphasis on either your wings or your hero status, and I don’t really see why,” you mumbled, placing one hand on his jawline while the other fixed his hair to your liking, letting a few strands fall in front of his eyes, “I think that just creates a divide. If they wanted you to seem angelic they should play that up, not just have it the norm,” you huffed, “anyway, I wanna put the emphasis on you and not your wings. So ideally if you could tuck them behind your back that would be wonderful,” 
Hawks nodded, disappointment filling him as you stepped away. He made sure not to move as he awkwardly folded his wings over each other and pulled them in, glancing at you with a look of apprehension. You just nodded in approval, leaning down to your camera. 
You took plenty of shots, allowing him plenty more opportunities to feel your hands on him (and he would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it). 
“Hey, why were you so late today?” Hawks dared to question while you were analysing your photos. You were perched on a bench, appreciating your work. The late sun cast a golden sheen on his skin, the spattering of glimmering rays highlighting his face in all the right places. 
“I was sleeping,” you responded, deleting an out of focus shot. His eyes narrowed.
“What?” “Just as it sounds. Figured if they were gonna make me work so I could only have three hours of sleep a night it was gonna be on their time, not mine,” he frowned, taking a seat next to you.
“They shouldn’t work you that hard,” you shrugged with a hollow laugh, blank gaze in your eyes. 
“What am I gonna do? Have them fire me? As much as I hate this job it’s the only thing that pays for my coffee in the morning,” he was silent as you stood up, stretching your arms behind your bag before tucking everything back in your bag. 
“Did you want to be a photographer?” he questioned, only to be met with a forlorn smile.
“Maybe at one point.” the two of you lapsed into silence before you sighed.
“Well, I’ve gotta submit these to Mizuki, and I’m sure you need-” Hawks caught your wrist, spinning you back around.
In the glow of the sunset, you looked almost ethereal. Your eyes gleamed, and cheeks warmed in the orange flare. Sunflowers framed your form, and the words caught in his throat, nearly stopping him from saying anything at all.
“Come work for me.” he blurted. You snorted.
“No.” all he could do was smile as you hopped back over the fence, not waiting up for him.
“Yeah. That’s what I thought you’d say.”
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🐰🎩NEW TRICKS🎩🐰
Prompt: Y/N decides to show Mr. Moxley some new tricks in order to certify him that he is still her number one
Word Count: Long
Pairings: Jon Moxley x Reader
Warnings: +18, oral sex (male receiving), angst, jealousy, cursing, praise kink
Tag: @jibbles26 , @bellalutionn
Notes: I’m a sucker for the power that blowjobs hold upon guys. Y’all know the drill loves,sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language (bla bla bla),check out my other stories if you’d like to(it would make your girl here very happy 😊) and if you’re comfortable with it,please let me know what you think? Some feedback is always welcomed and appreciated ❤️You can check out my other stories on my Masterlist and my newest story as a fixed post. Okay,now let’s get to the fun part,shall we? Hope you’ll enjoy 😉
“Hi doll, what you’re up to?” He smirks as he nibs my neck
“Just working. Why? Do you need something?” I ask as I remove my reading glasses
“I do, actually”
“What do you need babe?” I look up to his blue eyes that were filled with mischief
“You” He grinned
“Jon, I thought you needed something urgent” I chuckle
“I do!” He pulls me off my desk chair “I missed you so much” He cradled his face on the crook of my neck
“Jon, we’ve had sex six times yesterday and two times this morning, how can you physically still miss me?” I laugh “That’s like, 8 rounds in less than 24 hours babe! And you only got home yesterday”
“I can’t help it that you’re so fucking hot and looks so sexy all the time” He licks a trail from my neck to my lips
I look down to my current outfit that consisted in a comfortable pair of grey leggings, an oversized Korn t-shirt, Wilson’s crew socks, glasses, messy hair and no makeup
“I don’t think I look very sexy right now” I cackled
“Yes you do! You always do!” He pulls me closer to his crotch by my ass “C’mon Y/N, let’s do some fun nasty business, kitten” He slaps my ass quite vigorously
“Tempting, but I’ll have to decline it! Sorry big guy” I patted his chest
“Why?” He whined and stomped his feet like a little kid
“Because some of us got some serious work to do” I smiled fondly as I sit back in my desk chair
“But I wanna be with you! I need you and I want you now!” He pouted
“Jon, I promise you that once I finish this I’ll be all yours ok love?”
“No” He whines “Not later, right now!” He stomps his feet again
Yes, Jon Moxley can be quite the bad boy, but what a lot of people don’t know is that he’s also a fucking whining little baby! He gets an attitude over the dumbest reasons and sometimes this little scenario happens, where he thinks he can whine and pouts his way until he get what he wants. Sometimes it’s cute and charming to see such a big bearded man like him cause such a scene, but another times like right now it’s annoyingly frustrating, uncalled for and the last thing I need to get me even more stressed out.
“Jonathan, don’t start it! You’re not 4 years old! You’re a grown ass man in your 30’s, so behave as such” I turn to my computer and start to type my notes. After 10 minutes I can still feel his presence behind me, making me grow more nervous
“Jon, you’re not helping, my love” I said calmly
“I’m waiting. You said I would have you once you’re done so I’m waiting!” He bitterly said
“Won’t you rather wait in the couch instead? Meanwhile you can pick a movie for us to watch it later” I try to negotiate
“Meh, I’m perfect where I am right now, thanks for the concern” He huffed
*Oh great, what a fucking joy!* I thought
“This might take a while” I defeatedly said
“Don’t worry, I got time” Was his short answer
Fifteen minutes (and a stubborn Jon Moxley sitting on the floor) later I get a call from Peter, my coworker.
“Hey Peter what’s up?” I say holding my phone to my ear with my shoulder “What? Wait Peter, hold on I can’t hear you properly and I can’t stop typing”
“Well, put it on speaker then” Jon mumbled behind me and in my workaholic haze I did it as he told me, forgetting about one little small detail: Peter’s innocent (but also kind of annoying) flirting.
“Pete, can you repeat that again please?” I rapidly say while I type
“I asked when do you think you can send me the paperwork?” He chuckled
“Oh! Can you give me like....30 minutes?”
“I can give you whatever you want” He charmingly said
“Peter, shut up”
“What?” He cackled “It’s true you know, ask and you shall receive, my dear”
“I didn’t knew you were a Jesus fan” I mocked
“I’m your fan” I can hear the smile on his voice
“Whatever weirdo” I brush it off as I continue to type on the dashboard “Is that all you needed?”
“No, there’s one more thing that I forgot to ask you”
“Ok, shoot” I said
“When are you finally going to accept any of my nightcaps invitations?” Pure amusement filling up his voice
“Oh God send me to hell, fuck off Peter!” I jokingly said and hung up
I totally forgot the fact that Jon had heard that until his voice broke the silence
“So how long have you been seeing each other?” He rudely spats
“What? Seeing who?” I ask confused
He stood up from the floor, yanked me off the chair and trapped my body between his and the table.
“Your sweet boy Pete” he coldly smiles
I roll my eyes “Jon, are you really gonna take a guy like Peter seriously? He quotes Jesus to flirt! That’s nothing but pathetic and also slight disrespectful towards Jesus” I joke
“You think this is funny? What if you caught me flirting with a girl from work, how would that make you feel?”
“It depends if you’re gonna quote Jesus or not” I tease
“Y/N I’m fucking serious! Is this a joke to you? Our relationship is a joke to you? Am I a fucking joke to you?”
“My answer is no to all the above. Now if you ask me if I think that you’re overreacting then yes, I do”
“Overreacting? Really? What about all of the nightcaps invitations? Are you gonna tell me I’m overreacting about that too?” His voice starts to rise
“I don’t like your tone Jonathan” I angrily said
“And I don’t like you having an affair with your coworker!” He yelled
“Oh, so I’m having an affair now? Wow, I better accept those invitations then, if I’m going to hold the cheating girlfriend of the year award” I spat
“Are you having an affair with him?”
“How can you even ask that? You know me better than that Jonathan!” Now I’m yelling too, peachy just peachy!
“Well you didn’t answered my question though. Are you?”
“Of course not! What makes you think that?”
“You don’t wanna have sex with me, so where are you getting some? ‘Cause we both know you have quite the appetite for sex, I mean fuck, is hard even for me to keep up with you! You’re like a fucking machine!” He says
My eyes widened in disbelief “So just because I declined to have sex with you 30 minutes ago, because I have to work, I am suddenly a cheater? Or is it because I like to have sex more than the average women do that makes me a cheater? Wow Jonathan, I’ve never heard you say that when one of your male friends cheated. That says a lot”
“Says a lot about what?”
“Your sexist side. Or I don’t know, maybe it’s something else, maybe you are the one who’s cheating on me! So you’re mirroring your infidelity on me”
“Me? A sexist? Now that’s a joke” He laughs “We both know the things you’ve already done to me in the bedroom and trust me pumpkin, if I was a sexist I would never had let you go down that road, if you know what I mean” He measured me up and down “And even if I wanted to cheat on you, which is not the case, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t physically be able to since you knock my ass down every single time we fuck”
“I don’t hear you complain! In fact if I remember correctly you were the one who got in here wanting to have sex in the first place” I huff annoyed
“And I still do kitten” He gets closer
“Don’t touch me, jerk”
“You know how much it turns me on when you get all mad like that, right?” He tried to grab my breasts but I slapped his hands away
“Stop, Jonathan”
“What?” He leans closer, pressing his hardening bulge against my lower belly “Am I not good enough for you anymore? Do you prefer your boy Pete instead?”
“Bullshit” I spat
“Then show me, kitten” He whispers “Show me I’m still good enough for you” He makes me grab a handful of his erection “Show me that you still want me, that I still turn you on”
I pulled him down towards me by his neck, kissing him roughly, biting his lower lip quite harshly
“Hmm” He growls “My kitten is feisty, I like that” He smirks “I love when you’re a bitch to me” He laughs devilishly “Whatcha gonna do, huh?”
I forcefully open the button of his jeans, pulling the fly down and yanking the pants along with his boxer briefs down.
Jon put his hands up, in a surrender position. I lick my palm and close my fist around his cock, pumping it up and down.
“Yes baby” He moaned “Take it! Take what’s yours”
I kneel down and without thinking twice, I swallow his length until it reaches the back of my throat
“Fuuuuck! Y/N, baby...so good, you suck my dick so fucking good kitten! I love it, I fucking love it!” He moans and I push him further down my throat, swallowing around him
“Oh my fuck” He bucks his hips forward in surprise “How can you be so good at this?” He whispers, holding my hair back, so he can watch me sucking him off
“You look so fucking gorgeous sucking my cock baby. Fuck, look at that! Look at how well you take everything in”
I look up at him, hearing him continuing to praise me
“I love when you look at me...so beautiful with your mouth full of cock, so greedy for more aren’t you, baby?”
I nod, lifting his member up so I can lick the bottom half of his shaft, making him moan loudly
“You’re so insanely good at giving head! A fucking pro” He panted “The best head I’ve ever gotten”
I lock my lips around the head, sucking it hard to make him feel the pressure I know he loves, while my hands pump his length with a tight grip
“Oh yes, baby” Jon screamed in pleasure “Oh my fucking- Stop, stop” He moans with his eyes hazy in ecstasy, mouth in an ‘O’ shape as he bites his knuckles to prevent any screaming.
“We both know you don’t want me to stop” I smile, licking from the bottom of the head to his slit
“You’re gonna pay for this” His voice shakily says
“I wouldn’t threaten me if I were you baby” I smirked “I have other tricks that I’ve never showed you before” I whisper, feeling his length throbbing on my hand
“Other tricks?” He faintly whispered
I let go of his member and lay down on the floor beckoning to him.
“Come here Jon, let me show it to you baby”
Please let me know your thoughts on this? Feedback is always appreciated 🥰😘
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1plus1kiyoomi · 4 years
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Chapter 13: Thinking of You
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Putting your phone down on the wooden table, you groan in frustration. The piling paperwork and dating life are two different things but are both giving you too much stress. A lot of friends and colleagues had adviced you to stay single and focus on work, but Yaku is right.
You’re meeting all these people just to forget that you met him.
Kita was far from your ideal type. He wasn’t tall. He wasn’t rich. He didn’t give you expesive gifts every day. But he still managed to make you think that he’s the perfect man.
No matter how hard you try not you, you still compare every guy you’ve dated to Kita. He set the bars so high, that even you can’t see the top of it.
You are so desperate to forget Kita that you started dating all these boys and thought that maybe one of them can make you forget him. Relationships only lasted for a day or the most is a week. You’re getting a bad name in industry, but you don’t care.
“Hi, I’m (L/N) (F/N). Nice to meet you.” You introduce yourself to the pilot as you sit on the dinner table he reserved. You take in his appearance and he’s a 10/10. He has blonde hair and golden eyes, and very long lashes. He has wide shoulders and even under his suit, you can tell that he’s well-built.
“Kise,” he answers, flashing a smile your way. 
‘One of those charmers...’ You think as you check him out once again. You’re looking through the menu when the man in front of you clears his throat uncomfortably, catching your attention. “If you don’t want to continue this day, just say so.”
“It’s not that. I just don’t feel comfortable acting fancy and all that,” Kise remarks, loosening the tie around his collar.
“Then let’s go somewhere else,” you tell him reassuringly. The waitress waiting for your orders stand their awkwardly, witnessing how the restaurant will lose a customer just like that. “Miss, order anything you want in this menu. I’ll pay for it.”
“Ah, it’s okay,” the waitress stutters, taking the menu from you and Kise.
“I insist,” you tell her before standing up from your seat. After paying for the waitress’s meal, you and Kise head to his car. He attempts to help you put it on but you do it before he can. “So where do you wanna go?”
Kise looks out of his window shyly before giving you an answer. “I wanted to cook for you...”
“Okay, then bring me to your house?” You chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. The tense that was all over your date’s finally disappears as he brightly smiles at you.
“You’re kinder than from I’ve heard,” he confesses and starts the engine of his car. “I have this recipe I learned from a great friend...”
Kise rambles on about the most random things until you two reach the parking lot of his apartment. Just like he said, he cooked for you. You sit at the dining table as you wait for him to finish cooking. Staring at him from the angle, you remember Kita teaching you how to cook rice.
“How many cups of rice do I need?” You asked him, staring at the sack of rice once again. Kita scooped two cups of rice then put it at the pot.
“After that, you clean the rice by soaking it in water at least twice,” Kita instructed, putting two fingers up. You nodded, following through. “Then you strain the dirty water out. After that use your finger to measure the water. It has to reach the second line on your finger.”
Kita took your hand and dipped your finger in the water. You blushed furiously, containing your squeals from the sudden contact with your crush. After going through the whole process, he made you repeat his steps in making rice.
“And that’s how you cook rice.”
“Hey, (Y/N), it’s time to eat.” Kise shakes his hand in front of your face so you go back to your senses. You nod at him with an sorry smile then start eating. “Does it taste good?”
“It’s spicy,” you tell Kise softly. He stops eating and grabs milk from his refrigerator.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. But do you like the taste?” Kise asks you, and you just nod. 
“Tell me if you want to adjust any taste or something,” Kita said after you took a bite of the meal. It was your first breakfast together and the first time he cooked for you since Osamu prepared food the night before.
“It tastes good but I don’t really like spicy food,” you answered, taking a sip of water from your glass due to the spiciness of the dish. Kita noticed the discomfort in your face so he stood up and went back to the kitchen to make a new dish for you. “It’s okay. I can take the spice.”
“No. I want you to eat to your heart’s content,” Kita stated, causing you to smile. “If you’re craving for anything, tell me okay?”
“So how’s work?” Kise changes the topic.
You sigh from the spiciness, but continue to eat anyways, not wanting to waste the blonde’s efforts. “It’s tiring, but it’s bearable.”
“Work is hard nowadays,” Kise complains back. “I wish to take a break sometimes, but then I can’t.”
“Why not?” You continue to ask, seeking for an answer that will determine if you like him or not.
“Because I need money to take you out in our future dates,” he answers mischievously, causing you to raise an eyebrow at him. “Though I’m not really enjoying my job-”
You cut him off midsentence. “Then why did you become a pilot?”
“Because it earns a lot of money is looked up to by anymore.”
“Babe...” You called the grey haired man as you laid on the back of his truck. You went with him and Rice to the farm since you didn’t have anything to do. “Atsumu told me you the top university offered you scholarship to college, why didn’t you take it?”
“Because I want to be a farmer,” Kita simply answered. He took the towel hanging around Rice’s neck and wiped the back of his neck using it. Sitting up from your position, you continued to ask him questions.
“Why?”
“No particular reason. I just enjoy it and it helps other people,” Kita replied to you. You put on the spare boots that lying on the corner of the trunk and went over to him. “Do you want to help?”
“Yes, since I want to learn about the things that make you happy,” you told him confidently and he just let out a soft chuckle.
“Then maybe I should learn how to vlog, too.”
Your date with Kise goes on. The two of you finished dinner so he takes out a bottle of white wine.  After several of glasses, Kise scoots close to you.
“(Y/N), I know it’s just our first date, but I really like you,” Kise confesses, scooting close to you. Scoffing, you face him. “I’m serious.”
Kise leans in you and allow him to close the gap between the two of you, his lips colliding with yours.
It was your first breakfast as a couple and being the romantic person that you are, you woke up before him to make him lunch. Rice lied down the kitchen floor, confused on why it’s you cooking and not his father. You gave him his food before going back to making your boyfriend’s lunch.
“You’re just grilling a sausage, don’t fail this,” you muttered to yourself as you roll the said sausage on the pan with so much concentration. You felt arms wrap around you so you flinched in shock, almost dropping the ladle you were holding.
“Good morning,” Kita chuckled, placing his chin on your shoulder. “I should have asked you out the moment you got here if I knew that I would not make breakfast every morning.”
“Good morning, baby,” you giggled, turning off the stove to face him. “How was your sleep?”
“It was not that great since I didn’t see you when I woke up,” Kita answered, causing you to snort. “What?”
“You’ve become cheesy,” you stuck your tongue out, teasingly. Kita quickly moved his body forward, taking your tongue in his mouth. You pushed him away, gasping then laughing. “Babe, what!”
Kita let out a laugh, pulling your body closer again. He leaned his forehead on yours, his grip on your hips tightening. He’s staring at your eyes intensely but lovingly. “If you keep staring at me like that I might think you’re in love with me,” you joke.
Kita just smiled at you then pulled you in for a kiss. You placed your arms on shoulders, letting him kiss you deeper. His lips were soft but moved roughly. His hold was secure but dangerous. He was gentle with you but he was had a strong aura. He made you smile with his pure intentions, and made you moan with his sensual touches. He made you squeal like it was your first time to be in love, but he could also make you cry as if it’s your last time to experience love.
Kita was the best of both worlds. He was the calming moon, and the blazing sun. He was the cold night, and the warming morning. He was the sunrise that said hello, and the sunset that told you good bye.
You were in an axis. You have witnessed all the different planets and met all these people, to try to run away from him. But wherever you travel, you still see him. Maybe because he was not only both worlds, but rather the whole universe.
You are stuck in his axis. You’re sure of it, because even if someone else is holding you, your body craves for his touch. Though someone else is kissing you, your lips want to feel Kita’s. Someone else is making you smile, but only because you remember your happy moments with Kita. No matter who you’re with, you’re only thinking of him.
You push Kise away, thoughts about Kita flooding in your mind. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”
“Was I moving too fast?” Kise awkwardly asks, moving away from you.
“It’s not that,” you tell him, thinking of a reason to get out of the situation. Kise then giggles, scratching the back of his neck, so your attention goes to him.
“Is it someone then?” Kise questions, tilting his head to the side. You lower head, nodding shyly and gripping on the hem of your skirt. “That’s hard. Care to share? It looks like a serious case of not being able to move on.”
You chuckle at his statement. “I guess it is since we didn’t have proper closure.”
“Now, that’s complicated,” Kise hums as if he had not kissed you just minutes ago. “But it seems like you don’t seek closure.”
“Do I look like someone who’ll not be able to move on for years?” You sigh and Kise shakes his head.
“You look like you want to get back with him.”
An hour or two of just talking about your exes, you finally say goodbye to Kise. You feel in ease after talking to someone about your situation. Admitting that you are still into Kita is painful but you needed to let it out.
You head to Alisa’s house, where you dropped Rice off. You talk about your date for a while before you head back home. Your driver picks you up just outside Alisa’s apartment. Rice settles on your lap, comfortably sleeping. And then your heart sinks thinking about your dog.
Rice has changed his job from running in the fields to carry Kita’s towel to walking around the office to get paperwork for you. He’s a hardworking dog whose happiness comes from your smile.
Rice works hard. He has a schedule he follows like its a ritual. He’s caring. He’s smaller from other dogs but his dominance shows. He’s loyal to you. He loves you more than anyone in this word.
Rice is your little Kita.
Aside from you and Kita, Rice had a hard time coping up with your separation. The first month, Rice wasn’t able to eat properly since he missed Kita. You thought that a year would make him forget about Kita, but no.
Rice grabs a random towel every morning then head to the front door, a habit he picked up from going with Kita to the farm almost every day. He waits for Kita at the door every night. Every time you go for a drive and pass by a field, he barks and wags his tail excitedly.
It was painful to watch Rice long for Kita. Because unlike you who can speak and let your emotions out, Rice can’t. All he can do is do the same thing over and over again every day and night, until Kita finally shows up at the door. You both are.
“Do you miss your dad?” You ask Rice and he sits up excitedly. He stands on his back legs and his front paws are on your chest, giving you kisses all over your face. “I miss him, too.” As Rice whimpers from the word dad, an idea comes into your mind.
You know you’ll regret the idea, maybe you’ll even hate yourself for it, but you’ve already risked enough for Kita. So just go all the way. Take that fall. How much damage can be done?
“Head to the airport,” you say to your driver. He looks at you questionably but follows your order anyways. You call your secretary and tell her to book a flight going to Kobe and send a copy of Rice’s papers to travel.
As you arrive at the airport, the staff of the airline company you booked in assisted you and Rice to the plane. You turn your phone off, not wanting to receive any messages or calls from anyone. Checking the time, you realize it’s already 10PM, so you’ll be arriving at Kita’s house around 1AM.
You don’t care. You’ll wake him up. Kita needs to hear what you’ve been wanting to tell him for a year.
The flight to Kobe is fast, considering that you fell asleep in the plane due to the alcohol you drank prior to this sudden flight. Rice is dead asleep in his carrier. You take a cab going to Kita’s far. Your heart is pounding way too hard that you can feel your brain vibrating. You want to back out but you’re already too late. The driver has dropped you off the familiar house.
Rice barks at the door, thrilled to be home. You stand there for 10 minutes with still no response. Finally, you hear footsteps coming to the front door. The door finally slides open, revealing the man you’ve been longing for the most.
“(Y/N)?” Kita asks in confusion. Rice jumps to him, and Kita picks him up excitedly but unsurely. “I thought I was hearing things. Why are you here? At 1AM?”
“I was thinking of you.”
“(Y/N) I-”
“No. Let me finish. I’m not sure if you still like me or not, or if you’re dating someone. But I want you to know that I have forgiven you from the whole Ayako incident. I don’t care anymore about what happened to two of you that day. I also don’t mind if you didn’t have feelings for me that time. But I just want to say that I loved you from the moment I saw you in that video. Maybe I still love you until now. And I’ve been thinking of you every day, every moment ever since I met you. I love you so bad that if you ask me to marry you right now, I would. But I know you wouldn’t so it’s okay. I’m willing to give you my whole life. But I’m not asking you to like me back again or-” you ramble, your mind not even thinking of the words that’s coming out of your mouth.
“(Y/N).” Kita stops you, his voice sounding serious.
“Yes?” You’re preparing yourself to be rejected. You have been expecting it since you decided to book a flight going to him. But at least you’ve told him everything you wanted. You can live in peace, knowing that you have nothing left to regret.
“Can we sleep first?” Kita deadpans and your heart flutters, instead of hurting. He’s still the same person you fell in love with, the same man who broke your heart and changed your whole life.
“Yeah. Sorry,” you apologize, unsure of what to do next. “I’ll call a cab. Sorry for disturbing you. I won’t bother you ever again. I’ll take my leave.”
“No. No. You sleep here.” His words came out as an order, not a suggestion, so you just agree.
“Really? I feel guilty for showing up at 1AM. I really don’t mind leaving,” you try to argue, but Kita takes your hand and brings you inside. You then notice that Rice is already inside of the house, his eyes begging you to go sleep.
“Yeah, you should stay here. We have a wedding to plan tomorrow after all.”
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note: was in a good mood so :>
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guardianofrivendell · 3 years
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Guarding Your Heart - chapter 2
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Modern!Fíli AU written by @laurfilijames and @guardianofrivendell
Summary: Bodyguard AU: Lucy gets dragged into her father’s past against her will and is possibly in danger. Fíli gets assigned to her as her bodyguard. He doesn’t want to be there, she doesn’t want him to be there either. But then things get serious and in turns out Lucy is indeed in danger.
Warnings: mention of drinking and abduction, practically naked Fíli (twice... we don’t know how that happened... Really!), one suggestive moment and the expected amount of sass and smirks. 
A/N: Are you ready for chapter 2? Buckle up, because it’s a long one (7k+ words... we’re so sorry - and no, we couldn’t split it up into two chapters because of... reasons). We had a lot of fun writing this chapter, a little too much because we had to cut a few scenes to make it shorter :) Have fun reading and let us know what you think, we love reading the comments and speculations!
GUARDING YOUR HEART MASTERLIST
Laurfilijames masterlist Guardianofrivendell masterlist
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The morning sun came peeking through the blinds and slowly made its way over to Lucy’s bed, sliding closer and closer with every passing minute until it finally reached her face.
Now most people consider waking up with the sun shining and the birds singing their morning songs as a perfect start of the day. Who wouldn’t want to live their life like a Disney princess right? But not Lucy… 
No, Lucy wasn’t exactly what you would call a morning person. 
The only reason she would be awake around sunrise was because she didn’t go to bed at all and was still up partying. There was no way anyone would get her out of bed a minute earlier than she absolutely had to.
Lucy groaned when she felt the warmth on her face and hid underneath her duvet. It should be considered illegal to wake up before your alarm. 
Wait a minute… The sun was shining, her alarm was set at 7 am. This shouldn’t be possible. What time was it? 
Her arm appeared from underneath the duvet and patted the night table a few times in search of her phone. When she couldn’t find it, she threw back the duvet and looked around the room in a light panic. Now where could she… oh.
Everything from the day before finally caught up to her. 
How her new babysitter took away her phone, and then had the nerve to come and ask for her laptop and tablet too. He even scolded her for slamming her bedroom door, like she was still a child. In her own home!
She stared at her open door. Him and his stupid rules...
She thought back to their argument about it yesterday. How he threatened to unhinge all her doors if she wouldn’t listen, and she in turn might have accused him of being a pervert. Fíli had pulled his hair in frustration before he thundered down the stairs again, mumbling something about impossible rich brats.
Speaking of… It was awfully quiet. He was still here, wasn’t he? 
Lucy crawled out of bed and tiptoed to the open door of her bedroom, sticking her head out into the hallway. Nothing.
Without getting her hopes up too much, she made her way to the edge of the landing and peeked over the railing into the living room.
“I can hear you, you know,” a voice sounded from the couch. “You’re not exactly trying to be subtle.”
Lucy sighed and rolled her eyes. Nope, not gone yet.
Her bare feet dragged her down the stairs and to the living room before she realised she was still in her night clothes: a black tank top and her grey shorts. 
Lucy paused, should she go back upstairs and change? Wasn’t this weird? 
There was a stranger in her house and she was barely dressed. Chad would have a fit if he knew. It might even make Fíli uncomfortable.
But hey, she was in her own house! If she wanted to walk around like this, she could. If he couldn’t handle it, he knew where the door was.
Fíli was lying stretched out on his back on the couch, his head resting on his arms, feet on the arm rest. 
“Comfortable, are we?” Lucy asked, crossing her arms over her chest. 
She noticed he had rolled up his sleeping bag already and stowed it away with his pillow. It didn’t come as a surprise that he had his bed made as soon as he was out of it. Even if technically his bed was her couch. He shifted so he was sitting upright, and looked at his watch.
“Do you always sleep this late?” he wondered. 
“Why, what time is it?”
“It’s well past 10.”
Lucy raised her arms and let them drop at her sides again. “Well I wouldn’t know now, would I? You took away my phone! And that’s my alarm clock.” She mumbled the last bit.
“You have heard of an actual alarm clock before, haven’t you?” he said sarcastically. 
“Yes,” she hissed, her annoyance increasing by the second. “I just don’t have one because I happen to live in the 21st century and I use my phone like every other person!”
She walked into the kitchen and flicked on the kettle, desperate for coffee, and took a clean bowl out of the dishwasher for her breakfast. When she turned around Fíli was standing on the other side of the island, looking very smug as he plopped a travel-sized alarm clock down onto the counter. 
“There. Now you’ll be able to tell the time and wake up before the day is half over.” 
“It’s not like I have anything to get up for…” she mumbled as she worked on brewing her coffee. 
Of course he had something like that on hand. What else did he have stashed away in his bags? Likely everything one would need to survive out in the wilderness for days on end. 
She opened the fridge to get the milk for her cereal and almost dropped her bowl in surprise. Yesterday her fridge was practically empty. Not even enough food in it to keep that bloody mouse alive. Which is why she panicked when she heard she wasn’t allowed to leave the house again. 
But now she was looking at a fully stocked fridge. Everything she could ever need was there: fruits, vegetables, yoghurt, milk, drinks, stuff to make sandwiches, …
“Told you I’d take care of it.”
Lucy turned around to face him. “How did you...?”
Fíli was now leaning against the counter, arms and legs crossed. He shrugged in response to her question. She didn’t need to know everything. 
“Did you leave the house?” she asked him, taking the milk out and closing the fridge with her hip.  
“No.”
“You got it delivered?” Lucy didn’t hear the bell, but then again, she was asleep or he could’ve got to the door before the delivery guy had the chance to press the button. 
“No.”
She looked up at him again and tilted her head. “You’re not going to tell me, are you?”
Fíli just smiled at her and went back to the living room without saying another word.
Lucy took a few deep breaths to calm herself. Easy now, don’t let him get under your skin! 
She placed the milk back in the fridge and opened a cupboard to get her cereal, and almost gasped aloud. Not believing what she saw, she started opening the other cupboards and was met with the same view. Just like her fridge was now fully stocked, every cupboard was filled to the brim with canned and dry foods.
“You’re welcome by the way!” Fíli shouted from his place on the couch. 
She might have closed the cupboard door a little harsher than necessary after that remark.
After breakfast Lucy went upstairs and changed into her running clothes again. 
Yes, yes, Fíli had said she couldn’t leave the house, but she really needed to get some fresh air. It had only been a day, and she already felt like the walls were closing in on her. Her plan was simple: if she wasn’t allowed to go out by herself, he would have to join her. He could protect her just as well outside.
In the hopes he could keep up with her pace, but that shouldn’t be a problem. Not that she had let her eyes linger on his physique, no really, she didn’t, she was just assuming every bodyguard was in perfect shape. Nothing wrong with that. 
When she entered the living room, said bodyguard was working on his laptop. His eyes met hers and he smirked when he saw her outfit. 
“You’re kidding, right?”
“No, Fíli. I do not kid,” she repeated his words from the day before. “I really want to go for a run.”
He turned his upper body towards her and rested his arm on top of the chair. 
“Tell me. What part of not leaving the house don’t you understand?”
“That’s why you’re coming with me.”
Fíli raised his eyebrows at her and then pretended to consider it. “Let me think… No.”
He turned back towards his laptop. 
“Come on, Fíli, please? I really need to get some fresh air.” He had to understand she was practically going crazy here, she needed to clear her head to wrap her mind around all this. 
“No.” He didn’t even look up at her.
“I need the workout,” she tried again. 
“You can do that inside.”
“But if you would just-”
“Lucy, I said no!” he interrupted, raising his voice. 
She was so caught off guard that she took a step back at his outburst. 
“You’re awfully rude for someone who’s meant to be keeping me safe,” Lucy said, trying to keep her voice even.
“I’m here to keep you alive, not to be your friend.”
He watched as she bit her trembling lip and he almost regretted lashing out at her. 
Every muscle in his body was ready to jump into action if necessary and sure enough, he saw her eyes flicker to the hallway. She was going to make a run for it.
“Luce,” he warned her, letting her know he was onto her. 
But she was fast. Faster than he had anticipated, and she was already in the hallway before he got to his feet.
Fíli cursed heavily. “Lucy, no!”
It had only been two days since he arrived and he found himself using these two words more than he liked.
When he ran into the hallway, he could see her running up the stairs towards her room, and not out the door as he thought she would. 
Fíli ran his hand through his hair, and exhaled loudly. 
“She’s going to be the death of me someday, I swear...”
Lucy slammed the door and pressed her back against it, fighting the upcoming tears. How was she ever going to live through this?
She ignored Fíli’s demand of keeping the door open, needing a moment to collect herself before she lost it in front of him.
Lucy gripped her hands together tightly to stop them from shaking and took a series of deep breaths to try and prevent more tears from falling. 
She didn’t want to admit that he scared her. It was just a question, there was no need for him to shout at her. 
Could she really be in that much danger? 
And even if she was, he could still try and be nice to her. Or at least try to understand her side of things and see it from her point of view. 
Once she was changed into a legging and oversized sweater and felt strong enough to be in the same room as him again, she threw the door open and walked to the kitchen, ignoring Fíli’s stare. 
She needed a drink.
Jars clinked together in the refrigerator door as she whipped it open, reaching for a perfectly chilled bottle of champagne.
Lucy stood on her tiptoes to reach a flute, and slammed the glass down on the counter a little harder than she intended, but it thankfully didn’t break.
With a ‘pop’ the cork was freed from the bottle, leaving whispers of fizzy smoke trailing in the air. Her hands trembled again as she poured it carefully into the glass, not wanting to give away her nerves to Fíli who was now leaning on the doorframe and watching her like a hawk. 
“I don’t know if this is an appropriate time for bubbles,” he said, his voice full of judgement. “It’s not even noon yet.”
Lucy spun to face him and placed the rim of the glass to her lips, staring him down fiercely as she emptied its contents in one go, not stopping despite the burning sensation it created down her throat.  All she could think about was how much she wanted him gone.
“Maybe I’m mourning the death of what used to be my life!” 
“You’re unbelievable, you know that?” Fíli smirked, biting the side of his bottom lip. “People are simply trying to keep you alive and the only thing you can worry about is your running schedule.”
Lucy slammed her glass on the counter again and braced both arms against the edge to fake some courage. 
“It’s not just my running schedule! It’s everything! My studies, my future career, my boyfriend! All turned upside down and tossed to the side because of my father, who I haven’t seen or heard of for the past seven years by the way. So forgive me for being a little bitter.” 
She refilled her glass, the first one was not enough to take the edge off the terrible way she was feeling. Lucy could see Fíli shaking his head from side to side in her periphery and she nearly lost it when she heard him chuckle. 
“You’re getting a kick out of this aren’t you? You’re watching my life crumble apart before me and I bet you find it incredibly entertaining!” 
“Oh don’t flatter yourself, sweetheart. I’m equally as offended and inconvenienced by this whole thing as you are.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at the ceiling, not liking where this conversation was headed. 
“You can leave at any time!” she snapped, pointing her finger at him. “I’m perfectly capable of looking after myself!”
“Would you like to try?” he challenged her, raising his eyebrow in question. 
“Try what?”
“Looking after yourself. Should we see what happens?” 
“This entire thing is being blown out of proportion! Nothing is going to happen! Nothing ever happens!” 
He took a few steps towards Lucy until his face was only inches away from hers. If he wanted her to cooperate, he needed to be brutally honest with her. She’d probably hate him after this, but she could use the wake up call.
He took the champagne glass out of her hand and placed it back on the counter, not breaking eye contact.
“Really? So the chances of someone breaking into your house in the middle of the night is, what? One in a million?” he started. “Someone gagging you and tying you up, then tossing you in the back of a vehicle and driving you somewhere, anywhere, where no one is able to find you, not even me? Them doing  unspeakable things to your mind, your body, ... You really think that could never happen in your privileged little life? Think again, sweetheart. Your dad messed around with some nasty people and they will not hesitate to use you to get what they want.”
He watched as fear spread across her features, and he knew he’d done his job in scaring her. The furrow of her brows relaxed slightly with every description he made of what would most likely happen to her if he wasn’t there to protect her. 
“God, you’re a prick!” her voice shook slightly and she bumped his shoulder harshly when she stormed out of the kitchen and up the stairs to her bedroom.
He heard the door slam and he exhaled deeply, his patience stretched incredibly thin. She seriously had the brazenness to shut the door, again?
Lucy spent the rest of the day ignoring Fíli, which he honestly didn’t mind at all. 
She was watching some kind of reality show on the tv that night, with Fíli keeping an eye on her from his seat at the table. She was still ignoring him, sitting with her arms crossed and legs pressed together, and he could tell she wasn’t really paying attention to what was happening on the screen. 
His phone buzzed, breaking the torturous silence and he was happy for the distraction. He picked it up to read a text from Kíli saying he had sent over the background check on Chad that he requested the day before. 
Fili placed the book he was reading down on the table and opened the document on his laptop to check what had been found out about the guy.
Chad Van der Beek, 32 years old, works for his father’s insurance company, living in downtown Auckland… Fíli skimmed through everything and didn’t seem to find anything particularly interesting about him.
Fíli: Thanks for the report. 
Kíli: No problem. Nothing out of the ordinary. Seems like your regular trust-fund douche. 
Fíli couldn’t help but chuckle as he read through the gathered info on Chad and quickly agreed with his brother. 
Fíli: You're not wrong there. Where did you get all of this from anyway? I didn’t really need to know where he ate the other night.
Kíli: His Facebook account. 
Fíli: Are you serious Kíli? 
Kíli: Hey! You’d be surprised what you can find out on social media. He has no previous infractions other than the odd parking ticket, so I dug a little deeper. 
Kíli: You’re welcome. 
Kíli: I still think she’s hot, btw. I looked at her profile too. 
Fíli put his phone down beside him and continued going through everything that was discovered about her boyfriend, choosing not to glorify his brother’s comments on Lucy with a response.
Kíli had even managed to send over some older posts of Chad and his buddies partying on a yacht in Ibiza, completely surrounded by half-naked women, none of which were Lucy. This guy was the definition of a loser. She could do better.
His phone buzzed with another message from Kíli and he sighed as he picked it up again, bracing himself for another one of Kíli’s pervy comments about Lucy.
Kíli: How are things going anyway?
Okay, something normal. 
Fíli looked over at Lucy who was sitting in exactly the same position as before with a full pout on, obviously still upset.
Fíli: Fantastic. 
Kíli: I can sense your sarcasm through the phone. I’ve tried convincing Thorin to let me take over, but he keeps denying me.
Fíli shook his head, thankful for Thorin saying no for Lucy’s sake.
Kíli: You should make a move on her… save the poor girl from that idiot. You can’t deny she’s a total babe, Fee. At least make your time there worthwhile… 
Fíli: Trust me, Lucy can handle a guy like Chad. And for the last time, I’m not going to sleep with her! This is exactly why Thorin didn’t put you on this assignment, you’re always thinking with your cock. 
Fíli: Thanks for the info, dickhead. 
*
Lucy woke up in the early hours of the morning, bathed in sweat and panting as if she had been running like crazy. Which she had, but only in her dream. 
Her eyes darted around her room needing to assure herself she was in her own house, in her own bed. Not in the back of a trunk or tied to a chair in some dusty old warehouse. 
She cursed Fíli for putting those images in her head.
Her bare feet touched the cold floor when she swung her legs out of bed, and she sat like that for a while trying to calm down. A glass of water would be nice, but she didn’t want to wake up Fíli. The travel clock he gave her told her it was a little past 4 am, and he would probably be a very light sleeper.
But her head perked up when she heard a grunt coming from downstairs. And then another one. And another. 
Lucy was curious, that was definitely Fíli she was hearing and it sounded like he was either in pain or he was having a really good time. 
She couldn’t go and check right? She shouldn’t… No, she definitely should not.
And yet her feet carried her to the open landing all on their own, her curiosity getting the better of her. What she saw wasn’t entirely what she expected, but somehow she wasn’t surprised.
This should be the moment where she should have turned around and gone back to sleep, leaving him to it, but she found herself unable to tear her eyes away from the show Fíli was unknowingly giving her.
Fíli was lying on his back in her living room, half naked, sweaty and panting. 
She watched him work his way through his fitness routine. Crunches, sit ups, squats, lunges, planks… he just kept going. And Lucy kept staring. 
The drops of sweat tracing the outlines of his muscles, his dog tags softly chiming every time they touched the floor during his push ups, the sounds he was making, it was all so mesmerizing to her. She swallowed thickly and finally seemed to regain her common sense. She had to stop, this was wrong!
Lucy hurried back to her room and crawled underneath her sheets, ready to fall back asleep and hopefully have more pleasant dreams this time.
But sleep wouldn’t come.
After a few minutes she heard Fíli come up and turn on the shower. It only lasted about 3 minutes, and when he was done she caught herself listening to every sound, trying to follow his movements through her house. 
It kept her mind busy and away from her nightmare amongst other images, but it also prevented her from falling asleep again.
After another hour of tossing and turning, she finally had enough and got out of bed. It was around 6, and past Lucy would be horrified to know she was willingly getting up at this hour. 
A shower would wake her up, and if that didn’t work she could always try to take a nap during the day. It was not like she could do anything else around here.
Heck, why not make it into a well-deserved spa treatment while she was at it? Face mask, exfoliate, hair mask, … God knows she deserved some pampering after all the crap she had to deal with the past two days.
She collected fresh clothes to change into afterwards, and made her way to the bathroom.
When he heard movement upstairs, Fíli got up from his seat at the table. 
It was still very early, there was no way Lucy would be up already. He slowly climbed the stairs, his eyes fixed on the doorway of her bedroom, and he reached the landing at the same time Lucy stepped out of her room.
She froze as soon as she saw him standing there, wearing a black, fitted tee.   
Images of him working out in her living room earlier flashed in front of her eyes and she felt her cheeks flush. Her eyes kept lingering on his chest and upper arms, the way they were flexing earlier and the memory of the engorged veins all over his skin made her heartbeat quicken. She clutched her clothes a little tighter against her chest.
“Good morning,” she stammered, trying to hide her flustered state. 
She made a move to go towards the bathroom, but Fíli blocked her way. 
“You’re up early.”
“Couldn’t sleep,” she muttered. There was no way she was telling him about her nightmare.
Fíli watched her closely. She was keeping something from him, but he decided not to push it. At least not yet. She’s probably just missing her boyfriend and he didn’t think he could handle lovesick rambling this early in the morning.
“Oh, so does this mean we’re talking again?” Fíli smirked.  
“If you promise not to be a jerk today.”
He laughed at that. “Only today? I think I can manage that. No promises though.”
And there they went again, easily falling back into their bickering.
“Could you move? I’d like to shower.”
He stepped aside and Lucy disappeared in the bathroom. 
She placed her clothes on the chair next to the vanity and when she was about to take off her top, she noticed Fíli standing in the doorway.
“Can I help you?” she asked bluntly.
“I need to make sure the window is still secure.”
“I really don’t think anyone climbed in through that window and is hiding behind the shower curtain.”
“I’m just doing my job here, Luce,” he said, pulling back the curtain after checking the lock on the bathroom window, twice. 
That was the second time he used that nickname for her and she hated it. “It’s Lucy!” 
Fíli stepped out into the hallway again once he was satisfied there were no threats and positioned himself against the wall beside the door. 
Then Lucy had the nerve to try and close the damn thing, which Fíli prevented by placing his hand on the door to hold it open.
“You’re not serious!” Lucy said in disbelief.
“Doors open, you should know that by now.”
“But I’m having a shower!” She placed her hand on her hip and waved towards him with the other one. “What are you going to do, stand there and watch me change?”
No matter how good looking he might be, this was crossing a line. 
“Of course I’m not going to watch, but you need to keep the damn door open. I’ll be right here on the landing.”
Fíli heard her huff and swear under her breath as he leaned back against the wall. She didn’t know how lucky she was that it was him who was here and not Kíli, who probably would’ve insisted they needed to shower together for “safety reasons”.
Fíli checked his watch for the third time, Lucy had been showering for over 20 minutes already. What the hell was she doing in there?
He peeked his head around the corner, but kept his eyes directed on the ground just in case she would choose to step out at that exact moment. “Are you almost done?” 
“Nope!” she called back, popping the ‘p’ and with a sassy ring in her voice. She was taking her sweet time on purpose. Perhaps he needed to give her a hint to hurry it up.
Fíli stepped in the bathroom and turned on the taps of the sink, hoping it would have the intended result of turning her water ice cold. 
Lucy screamed and flung the curtain open enough for her to poke her head out, but he had already turned the tap back off and disappeared into the hallway, doing his best not to let her hear his laughter.
“Did you just turn on the tap?” she cried at him. 
“Nope!” he yelled back, popping the ‘p’ like she’d done moments before.
“Like hell you didn’t!” 
“If you knew, why bother asking?”
Lucy kept quiet after that and Fíli let his head rest against the wall. 
Kíli was right, this was a low-level assignment.  
He was used to long stake-outs and week-long missions, even in the worst of circumstances, but this was entirely different and she was really testing his patience.  
Maybe he could convince Thorin to let him switch with Kíli every other week after all. 
Fifteen minutes later, Lucy finally finished her shower and Fíli sighed in relief. He had actually been thinking about going to the kitchen and shutting off the water completely… Maybe next time.
*
After a full week of paying attention to Fili’s habits, Lucy had come up with a plan. 
The alarm clock read 3 am. Officially the earliest she had ever woken up. Except for that flight to Bali. Oh and that trip to Italy, how could she forget that one! 
Correction; this was the earliest Lucy had woken up to don her running gear and pretend she was still sleeping in order to go for a run.
She was more than desperate to leave the condo after being cooped up with the Winter Soldier for more than a week now. She wanted to feel fresh air on her face and to allow her legs to carry out her frustrations by finally going for that mind-clearing run, but she needed to wait until Fíli was in the shower to make her escape.
He was going to be furious with her and it would probably make the next couple of days a living hell. Maybe he would actually lock her in her room this time, but she was willing to risk that for an hour of freedom.
She knew his morning routine by now and Lucy intended to use it to her advantage.
She had set the alarm on the travel clock to go off at 3, and stuffed it under her pillow so as not to alert Fíli. If he would wake up too, her plan was useless.
Thank God Fíli was very regimented, because at 4 o’clock sharp he was up and starting his daily workout. Lucy listened to him grunt as he carried out the ridiculous series of push-ups and sit-ups, and tried not to imagine what he looked like doing them. She knew of course, she witnessed it with her own eyes last week. But that didn’t mean she didn't wonder why on earth anyone could be bothered with such effort.
After an hour of rolling her eyes to herself in her bed, she heard his footsteps on the stairs and him approaching her room. 
With the covers tucked up close to her chin so Fíli wouldn’t see her running clothes, she closed her eyes, ready for her best acting. She tried to breathe as slow and even as she could and even managed to make her fingers twitch a little like she was dreaming. An Oscar-worthy performance, truly.
A minute had passed and she listened to him step away from her doorway and head to the bathroom. 
At least that was something positive about these open doors, she thought, he could hear everything she was doing, but that applied to her as well.
As soon as the shower flicked on, Lucy used the noise to her benefit and bolted out of her room, bounding down the stairs at an impressive rate, knowing by now his showers only lasted about 3 minutes. The door was ahead of her, and the last two steps met her feet in no time at all, her freedom so close she could almost taste it. 
But then the ground suddenly fell out from under her and she landed hard at the bottom of the staircase. 
A dull pain started spreading through her left ankle and she cursed under her breath. Perfect timing Lucy. She groaned and sat up to check on it, but she didn’t have much time left, any second now Fíli would be done with his shower.
She reached a shaking hand to it, prodding it to check its condition. It was tender to touch and Lucy thought she could see a swelling come up, but she was still hellbent on getting out of here. If she could reach the nearby park, there were enough benches to let her ankle rest for a bit if needed.
She moved to stand, immediately crying out from the jolt of pain that shot through her ankle as soon as she put weight on her foot and she collapsed on her knees. She clasped her hand over her mouth, knowing Fíli would have heard her with his razor-sharp hearing. She slammed her fist on the floor out of frustration. She could forget her escape-plan now…
Just as she predicted, a very naked Fíli appeared at the top of the staircase mere seconds later. He did have a towel wrapped around his waist thank God, his hair still dripping wet and drops of water running over his chest. She was certain he jumped straight out of the shower as soon as he heard her scream. The worried but calculated expression on his face turned into a grin the second he saw her lying on the floor. 
It took Lucy a moment to notice the gun he was holding in his hand, the shock of having it pointed at her taking away from that of her fall. 
“Were you seriously pointing a gun at me just now?” 
“Were you seriously trying to leave the house?” he countered.
Fíli put the safety back on his gun and trotted down the stairs, easily stepping over the tripwire he had secured on the second to last step the previous night. 
Lucy’s mouth dropped open in disbelief at his trap, reaching for it and plucking it with her finger. 
“You set this up?” she gawked. 
“Mhm,” he replied, crouching down and reaching for her ankle. 
“Were you trying to kill me?” 
Fíli took her foot in his hands to remove her running shoe and Lucy was surprised with how gentle he was. 
“The exact opposite, actually,” he muttered. 
“You’re insane.”
“And you don’t listen,” he said, his voice strained. “That tripwire has been there from the first day I got here. Every night I put it up as an extra safety measure in general, not to try and trip you if you decide to make a run for it. But you just proved its effectiveness. Don’t go anywhere, I’m going to put some clothes on first.”
Lucy grabbed the shoe he had removed from her now busted ankle and hauled it at him as he ascended the stairs two at a time, unfortunately missing him. 
Despite the pain in her ankle and feeling like she was being kept prisoner in her own home, she kept her threatening tears at bay, refusing to cry in front of that bastard. 
Within a minute Fíli was making his way back down the stairs, this time wearing a pair of grey track pants, his upper body still bare aside from his dog tags.
He scooped Lucy up into his arms like she weighed nothing and turned to carry her up to her room. 
“Put me down! I can walk just fine,” she protested, completely flustered because she was pressed up so close against his bare chest.
He chuckled, “Okay then, suit yourself,” and he released her legs from the crook of his arm but kept his other arm around her waist just in case.
She stood tall, trying to fake her strength, and placed all of her weight on her right foot before very gingerly touching the toes of her left to the ground. That slight pressure alone made her face curl up in a wince. She instinctively grabbed Fíli's shoulder for support when her ankle gave out again, and Fíli in turn tightened his grip around her waist to keep her from falling.
He refrained from making any smart-ass remarks and instead he sighed, collecting her in his arms once again, making his way back up the steps.
“At least now I know you won’t try to run away again,” he commented.
Lucy made a gruff, displeased at the entire situation including being pressed up against his hairy chest again. She couldn’t help but notice how remarkably firm he was though. Guess those early morning workouts were useful after all.
It felt like it took an eternity to reach her bedroom, and when Fíli finally placed her on her bed she was surprised by the gentleness with which he treated her. Little did she know Fíli had genuinely considered tossing her onto it instead.
He instructed her to lay back and lift her leg up for him to check her ankle once more. 
She did as she was told, and he swiftly placed one of her spare pillows under it for support. It took all of her willpower not to kick him with her other foot when he pressed against the sore and swollen part.
“You’re in luck, it’s not broken. Just severely sprained, you’ll need to stay off of it for a couple of days,” he instructed her and Lucy nodded, too stumped to say anything. “I’ll get you some ice. The bruising won’t start for another few days. In the meantime you have to keep it elevated.” He carefully placed another pillow beneath her foot before he went downstairs.
Lucy stared at her ceiling, cursing the fact that she was now completely dependent on the guy who she refused to believe she needed here in the first place. To be fair, he had been incredibly gentle when it came to tending to her foot - which she hadn’t expected at all - but the whole thing still made her feel helpless.
A tear slipped down her cheek and she furiously wiped it away, wishing more than anything to be wrapped up in Chad’s arms right now.
*
Three days had gone by since her fall and Lucy finally managed to hobble over on one foot to the large window in her bedroom without Fíli’s help. The state of her ankle was preventing her from moving around at any sort of a decent pace, so it took her far longer than she would’ve liked. She was already dreading the way back, but for now she was more than content to admire the view.
She leaned against the window frame and watched the sun setting over the city. After days of staring at nothing but her bedroom walls while being confined to her bed, it was a more than welcomed change of scenery.
She was lost in her thoughts, wondering what she was missing in her classes, what Chad was doing and if that mouse was still in her house somewhere, when Fíli’s stern voice startled her.
“Get away from the window!”
She whipped her head over her shoulder to glare at him, thinking how he could possibly forbid her from looking out her own bloody window. Yet another addition to one of his many rules. At this rate it wouldn’t be long before the only thing she was permitted to do was breathe and go to the bathroom.
“I was just getting a little tired of staring at the wall, that’s all,” she sighed, while she turned back to watch the shadows of the night slowly but surely take over the city. 
“Someone could see you! You really need to stop being so careless,” he warned her as he quickly drew the curtains.  
He watched her begin to make her way over to the bed on one leg for a few seconds before he lifted her into his arms to get her to her destination faster. 
“Thank you,” she said softly. 
“It’s fine, just... keep away from the windows, alright?”
“Alright.” 
Fíli grabbed his laptop from his bag and settled himself at her makeup table. 
This was their new arrangement ever since she hurt her ankle. Lucy was dependent on Fíli now, and was very quickly getting bored to death, so Fíli worked in her room to keep her company.
He made her breakfast and cooked dinner, and she hated to admit that he was a very decent cook, which surprised her at first. She half expected to eat nothing but toast with beans for a few weeks if he was on cooking duty. 
He really tried to make it as comfortable as possible for her, but she suspected he was glad she was immobile now. It made his job a lot easier.
Lucy watched him type away on his laptop, his phone next to him. You know what…? This wasn’t fair at all!
“Why can you have a laptop and a phone and I can’t? I have work to do too,” she said, a little put off.
Fíli sighed heavily before answering, he needed to choose his words carefully if he didn’t want to sound too much like an asshole. 
“Because mine are on a secure connection with headquarters and I’m only using them to send in my reports and keep up to date with other cases.”
“Can I use your laptop?”
Fíli gave her a sideways glance, “Absolutely not.”
She grumbled and he had to bite his cheek to stop him from laughing. Saying ‘no’ to Lucy was just as bad as denying a child something they really wanted. 
“What are you writing in your reports? How you tried to kill me with your boobytraps?”
“The same thing I write everyday,” he answered before smirking at her, “how annoying you are.”
Lucy ignored his insult. She really wanted to know more about his job. Since he knew everything about her, it was only fair he would share some information as well. 
“So... how did you get into all of this?”
Fíli continued typing and gave her the most vague answer he possibly could. 
“I was in the military before this and it just seemed like the appropriate next step.” 
“I figured as much, those aren’t just an accessory.” 
She nodded at his chest when he gave her a questioning look, causing him to glance down at his dog tags that were resting between his pecs. 
“Hmm,” he hummed, tucking them inside his t-shirt and attempting to focus on his task. 
“No offense, but why did you end up here? I mean… This doesn’t exactly seem like the kind of thing that would be assigned to you,” she stated, hoping to throw him off slightly and get him to talk. 
“No, it isn’t,” he admitted, “my brother messed up and our uncle didn’t want anything else to go awry. So they sent me instead.” 
His fingers stopped moving across the keyboard, and Lucy knew he had revealed more than he wanted to. 
“Oh! You have a brother?” 
She sat up a little straighter, interested to hear more. “What’s he like?” 
Fíli exhaled deeply and continued typing, setting his jaw tightly, mad at himself for letting that information slip. 
“You wouldn’t like him.” But Fíli knew that was a lie, of course she would like Kíli, everyone adored the cheeky bastard. 
“I bet he’s a lot nicer than you.”
“I’m plenty nice.” 
“Ha! That’s rich,” she snorted. “Do you at least get along with him?”
“Yeah, I do. Luce, I’m trying to work here...”
“It’s Lucy. What’s the age difference?” Lucy continued, ignoring his plea to let him work. “Are you older or younger? I bet you’re older. You’ve got that way about you that older siblings seem to have—“
“Shh!” Fíli suddenly interrupted her and held up his hand. 
“I wasn’t finished talking, but don’t mind me!”
“Shhh!” Fíli said again with more concern this time, his brows furrowed, eyes fixed on something in the hallway outside of her room. He slowly stood up and walked towards Lucy, ready to take action if he needed to. 
Lucy however was completely oblivious to what was happening.
“Would you stop shushing me! You’re so ru—.” Fíli cut her off by placing his hand over her mouth to force her to stop. 
“Luce, be quiet for a moment, okay?” 
He gave her a warning look as he removed his hand, and Lucy's eyes widened when she saw him pulling his handgun out of the back of his waistband.
Fíli carefully made his way to the hallway and peeked over the railing on the landing, only to see his suspicions confirmed. He cursed under his breath, hating to admit that Thorin was right after all.  
He made his way back to Lucy, but kept his eyes fixed on the doorway and quietly gave her instructions. “Get on the floor and hide behind the bed.”
Lucy gave him a questioning look, “Why? What is it?” 
“Someone’s here.”
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