#so less pain but more physical difficulty standing up

[nope-body]

.

[slocumjoe]

how you can tell if the companions really love someone (platonically or romantically)

Cait; Does she touch and let herself be touched casually? Given her history, it's a cold day in hell if she allows anyone to get even close enough to touch her. Arms length and then some, and all that. But if Cait trusts someone, cares about them, knows they care about her...it's not likely to be noticed if you're not incredibly perceptive, but you'll find Cait staying closer to the person. She'll poke them, bump them with her hand to get their attention. Ruffle their hair, lean on them like a shelf if they're shorter/sitting down. And she won't jump or cuss or panic if they do the same to her. It's a very small thing, but to Cait, it's everything.

Codsworth; complains. He's a butler bot. It's against conduct, his programming, the nature of his existence, to so much as huff. And Codsworth, himself, just doesn't want to make people feel like they're burdening him, that's not it at all. It's just...look at his life. Look at his flower beds. Look at the people around him. He's kind of a nervous wreck. Codsworth takes care of as much as he can, and he enjoys doing so, but good god. Sometimes you just need to be a little bit bitchy and make horrible jokes to someone in private. Someone he can trust to both keep it in confidence and tell him if he's being unworthy or if he's totally correct...that's someone Codsworth cherishes.

Curie; loves most everyone, really. She doesn't have a hateful, angry bone in her body. But if Curie really, really cares about someone...similar to Codsworth, she vents. She vents about her time in the Vault, seeing the world for the first time, about seeing the world in a human form. She vents about her patients, their difficulties or her failures to keep them alive. To Curie, negative emotions are physically painful in a way she is not equipped to handle. She's a Ms. Nanny, up there. She's not supposed to have a heart that can ache. Letting herself experience suffering in someone's presence is the same as letting them root around her engine or jets or her optical stalks; she's trusting them with her wellbeing. Curie is a doctor, a scientist. In either body, she feels she's best equipped to perform maintenance on herself, as she did in the Vault. Being trusted with that is nothing to sneeze at.

Danse; It's like he's a completely different person. This will never be seen in public, only the people he's really close with will see it. The soldier's demeanor drops, and Danse relaxes. It's a visible change. Eyes soften, the semi-scowl melts away, his shoulders and jaw loosen. He talks more about less important things. He'll even ramble about something if he's well-informed and passionate about it. He makes more jokes, though they're so dry you might not notice. Similarly to Cait, he's also open to physical affection. He's less likely to initiate, but if you're close enough to him, you can use him as furniture or a personal teddy bear. If especially close, he'll even return it, instead of simply letting you do as you please with no input. Expect the bear-est of hugs.

Deacon; will not lie to them about anything. Not even if it was justifiable, like if there's a surprise party or something. He'll dodge the question for that, but he is not going to lie. It's like pulling teeth, he's gotten so used to it, but he absolutely refuses. Lying in their presence? On the table. To them? Nope. He cannot stand it anymore. He won't even dress up and disguise himself around them (provided they're not working). If you get Deacon's trust, you get...whoever is under Deacon. It's kind of like cleaning out a dusty old attic; you don't know what you'll find, and he doesn't either, but y'know what, maybe it's time to figure it out. Deacon wants to be cared for as his authentic self, not a mask. He'll go digging for that, for someone who deserves to know who it is they're actually palling around with.

Gage; is a stubborn, surly bastard who will take orders, but only under the thinnest presumpation of subordination. He'll do as asked by his boss, and he'll pretend he's happy to do it, if he has to. But...there's a big difference between an order, and a request. "Go tell Nisha to keep her freaks out of my fuckin' house" is different from "Hey, can you help me with this?". So...if you can get Gage to do something he doesn't want to do, or something that doesn't come naturally to him...you've got him wrapped around your finger. Gage will give a shit if you give a shit. He might even refrain from bitching. Thing is, Gage is a man of action. If you tell him "this action matters"...he's gotcha. This kind of loyalty is one of a kind, especially from Gage. Maybe you should try the lottery, next.

Hancock; cuts back the chems by a large margin. Hancock gets high to numb himself, to not think about the shit he did or didn't do in his past. He gets high to feel like the life of any party instead of being lonely in a room full of people. He gets high because he isn't sure what else he can do to not feel the way he does, most of the time. But...he gets himself a friend? Gets someone who gets him? Gets someone who he admires so fucking much, who admires him, thinks he's worth a lot more than he does, and he trusts their judgement on everything else? Hancock still indulges in a jet every now and then, maybe some mentats with a wordy book. But he doesn't live off the things. He doesn't feel like he needs to. He's got someone to ground him and keep him himself, and set him straight. And they have fun together, blowing shit up. It's less of Hancock doing something for them, and more Hancock shedding his more self-destructive habits in the face of a stronger support system.

MacCready; is a chronic gift giver. Food, ammo, trinkets, books, weapons and mods, crafting supplies, clothes, enamel pins, jewelry, jewels, drinks, blankets, pillows; he's like a puppy, a magpie, a crow, some creature bring you anything he thinks you might like or need. MacCready is a guy who's never had a lot. It's made him a little greedy, a little selfish, a little too willing to do whatever he can to get a little more. It also means that if he shares, goes out of his way to find something for you, gives up something he could keep for himself...MacCready gives nothing up easily. So when he hands you a candy bar, or lets you have the nicer blanket at camp, or shares from his water canteen, you should feel real special.

Nick; this might seem odd, but if Nick lends someone a book, that person is the apple of his eye. Nick Valentine hoards books like a dragon hoards gold. It's the one consistently irrational part of him, the one consistently prickly part. Books are an endangered species to him. His personal library might not see much use, as he's too busy, but he cares for them like a monk tends a shrine. Anyone who asks to read one, and gets a yeah, go ahead, knock yourself out, only gets that privilege after a long time of proving themselves to be trustworthy. Nick fears ripped pages, cracked spines, stains. He just doesn't trust most people of the Commonwealth to take care of valuable art, the last shards of a dead culture. And those books have a lot of meaning to him, things OG Nick read and current Nick thinks he likes on his own. Sharing that is a way for him to share himself, his history. Both Nick's and OG Nick's.

Piper; isn't, how shall we say, great with criticism. She's usually right, is the thing. Usually the one to perk up and point out the obvious issue. Piper is self-assured, intelligent, and stubborn. She does not take a 'you're wrong'. Not "she doesn't take it well" or "she takes it too hard". She does not take it. Unless the person challenging her is someone she A: cares about enough to want to hear out, regardless, B: respects enough to put their ideas over what she believes to be hard truths, or C: trusts enough to think that if they're seeing something in a certain way, then that thing is that way, and Piper has it all wrong. Whatever way you slice it, if someone can confront the indomitable Piper Wright and not walk away feeling verbally skinned, that person must be near and dear to her.

Preston; is close with someone if he can sleep around them. He used to be okay with sleeping in a room with a bunch of other people, he had to be, being a soldier in a barrack, a camp, et cetera. Then Quincy fucked that skill right up the ass. Now, Preston is too aware of others' breathing, their joints clicking. Too nervous about how much sound he makes just by existing. Maybe it's hypervigilance from the few rests they got, running from Quincy. Maybe it's just a sign of broken trust. Either way, Preston needs to be close with someone before he can get any shuteye around them. And Preston might fight it, but he's a depression napper. Sometimes you just need one. If Preston willingly and easily falls asleep in someone's presence, that person is the human equivalent of a nightlight to him. Which, given how sleep-deprived he normally is, is worth their weight in gold.

X6-88; Oh, X6-88. You're such a prickly bastard. You know X6-88 loves someone when he's disappointed in them. The thing about disappointment, is that is can only some with an expectation. Disappointment is having a hope, an ideal, and seeing it sputter or fail. You can't be disappointed if there was nothing for you to be disappointed by. When an asshole does something shitty, you aren't surprised. When someone you think highly of does, you are, and that's disappointment. For X6, he hates pretty much everyone. He has no hopes, no expectations, no delusion that anyone is worth his time. And the sad thing is, you'll never know X6-88 cares until you have a hiccup, until you get judgement. And if you don't know this, you won't see a disappointed friend. You'll see normal X6-88, always acidic and with a cold barb just behind his teeth.

[dirtytransmasc]

I have a question for other fibro, chronic pain/fatigue, disabled people, cause I need some help.

I have issues showering, like most of us do, due to pain and fatigue and weakness etc. that makes standing up for long periods and the physical labor of washing myself difficult, and have spent quite a while just making it work.

I tend to just sit on the floor, but because of the tightness in my legs that makes it so I have to kneel or hunch over to avoid pain/stress on my joints (which causes circulation issues in my legs if I kneel or back pain if I hunch), the difficulty I have getting up and down, and the amount of times I've almost passed out from the effort, sitting on the floor is becoming less of a solution and more of a hindrance.

my real problem is that I can't stand shower stools. I have never found one that lets me feel mobile in the shower, I always feel stuck and boxed in because they limit the range of motion I still have.

I have issues turning around to wash my hair out. I have to pick between being in the water or being just out of it which makes washing my hair and body difficult. I can't easily make any major position changes without more effort than I would need by just sitting on the floor. I have a very hard time holding the shower head so I have to leave it up in the holder which leaves the water and me in very fixed positions.

overall, shower stools do not work for me, and I was wondering if anyone had found other solutions to the showering issue, cause I want to rip my hair out.

[briarpatch-kids]

Here's what I have for my speech that I'm going to give the judge so far. Content warning for severe medical neglect and suicide talk.

In 2015 to 2017, I had a VA disability rating for mental health at 70%. This means that I had a severely altered ability to work or attend school, this was later bumped up to 100% permanent and total disability as well as unemployability. Despite that, I attempted both work and school before physical disability got in my way. Both times, the fatigue, increased pain, and my heart conditions got in the way. I had hardly any standing ability and no ability to sit for extended periods of time. I was suicidal 24/7 because of the pain and fantasized about lighting myself on fire in the VA parking lot. That is no condition to work in.

I begged my job for accommodations because I was missing multiple days of work per week because of this pain and was told "we can only cut your hours, but because you are a full time worker we can only cut them to 32 hours a week" when I was able to work 24 hours max and had pain and suicidal ideation from the work I was able to do. I was throwing up 3 day old food and lost 60 lbs because the demands on my body were too much so my digestive system was shutting down.

I was being told that I wasn't trying hard enough, asked if I wanted to be sick. Told it was deconditioning. Told that i could go to the psych ward if I was suicidal from the pain but that my pain would not be treated. Now we know that I had severe mitochondrial myopathy, but then it was just traumatic. So traumatic that I now have difficulty getting medical care in emergencies. On top of my PTSD I was now paranoid and believed that my doctor wanted me to die. I wanted to die. I lost my friends and biological family because they were tired of listening to me panic about the lack of medical care, paranoia, and pain and believed I was making it up because of the lack of medical confirmation. This impacted my ability to work and has had permanent consequences toward my health and mental health.

Despite all of this I did everything right, I served my country until i could not. I attempted to attend school until I could not. I attempted employment and paid into the system until I could not. Each of these attempts damaged my health further and further and I attempted to find out why so that i could get back to work, but my 20s were wasted by incompetent doctors. I do not believe that i should be denied the benefits that i paid for, in both money as well as blood, sweat, and tears while serving my country. If there is a job that allows laying down the whole time, is not customer facing, allows frequent unplanned days off due to illness, is 20 hours a week or less, and pays more than the minimum social security counts as "gainful employment" please let me know. I would love to work it.

[dcwnthercbbithcle]

MUSE RELATIONSHIP HEADCANON GAME FOR DOE AND MAPPLETHORPE AND DOE AND GONZO (separately!) | original meme

THE MEMES ARE BELOW THE CUT BECAUSE LOOOOONG

also gotta tag Billie cause OUR BABIES @frieddiscjockey & @coastercrushed

DOE & MAPPLETHORPE (the sacred Moe ship)

who curses more? it's a real tossup, but I would say Mapplethorpe does in a casual sense. Passing curses, using fuck as an adjective, it's not for anger, but like, aussie slang is curse laden, and Mapplethorpe is a wild child who doesn't have a filter at the best of the times! So like, I'm sorry, he's swearing constantly. BUT LIKE WHEN IT COMES TO ANGER AND PAIN?? Doe puts Mapplethorpe into the ground with the sheer VITRIOL she spews. She curses less in comparison, but her curses are like, ten in a single minute, and she's cursing your bloodline, your favorite basketball team, your fifth grade teacher, the last person that smiled and you AND your mother. Sorry. ASASDJSAD

who is more patient? Doe, no question there!

who does the driving? Toss up, Doe is a better driver than Mapplethorpe, she can keep her attention focused on the task for much, much, much longer than he can, but he's the one running to the car first. He likes being in control and likes it when she's the one in charge of the directions. She explains them in a way he understands best. That and when they get takeout, she'll lean over him and he LOVES that.

who is louder? who is quieter? Mape is louder and Doe is marginally quieter but I'm sorry you can hear these two across the fog, they're so obnoxious and loud. ASDJASD

who is more physically affectionate? MAPPLETHORPE, Doe is bolder and more willing to instigate things but sorry, he's climbing into her lap and laying across her starfish style. He wants kisses and hugs and everything!!

who is more likely to tease the other? DOOOOOE, she thinks Mapplethorpe is so so cute when he's blushing bright red and looking at her with his big, shocked and enamored eyes.

who is better with time management? Doe, Doe likes on a routine existence down to the seconds, per her issues with trauma and anxiety, so she's helpful to Mapplethorpe in that regard. Sometimes he needs to hold her hand though and remind her, it's not the end of the world when there's a fifteen minute delay.

who wins the arm wrestling matches? ASDASD DOE I FEAR. Mapplethorpe INSISTS he was letting her win. She disagrees though! Mape is strong! Strong enough to lift her, but she has him beat in the lower arms!

who controls the music in the car ride? They alternate depending on who's driving! Driver's never allowed to be in control of the stereo though, that's how you get in car accidents, or worse, get hit with the autoplay CURSE!

who covers dinner when they order in? They alternate, Mapplethorpe usually does on the basis that he wants to eat out more often, but Doe does it every date night at HER insistence! She wants to spoil her prince. Which he is more than happy to take her up on! Haha

who is more outgoing? who is more shy? I will say Mapplethorpe BUT ON PAPER ALONE. Doe isn't shy after she's been acclimatized to her situation in most cases, but Mapplethorpe doesn't have these issues. What he DOES have is a difficulty socializing at other people's paces and taking the cue! He doesn't mean badly but in terms of actually bridging that connection and meeting them where the other person stands in a way that's less of an overwhelming wall of ENERGY and more like a pleasant handshake? Doe has him beat there.

who has the more outlandish fashion sense? THEY ARE EQUALLY MATCHED IN STUPID AND OVER THE TOP. They are the Jesse and James of the Fog. They take every opportunity to be over the top and wear matching outfits. They cosplay together in the modern verse. I know this, there is no contest cause these guys both give it their all and GET IT.

who starts the tickle fights? who ends them? Doe and like, honestly?? Probably the person forced to listen to them being stupidly obnoxious and adorable together. That or Mapplethorpe because he can't catch his breath.

who has the darker/more “edgy” sense of humor? Godddd, depends on the verse, I want to say Doe though, because where Mapplethorpe often tends to avoid the trauma of his death and circumstances by completely ignoring it. I feel like, while still emotionally distancing herself, Doe slips in more dark 'humour' when it comes into processing what she's gone through. By joking about it she's trying to reduce it like a joke, but these jokes often don't land and they're more worrying than anything. God, get this girl into some therapy PLEASE.

who is more competitive when it comes to games? DOOOE, guilty as charged, she needs to have the highscore everytime they play. It's just a fact, she's a sore loser too, but its okay, a kiss on the cheek and she's back to her normal self!

who has the bigger appetite? the bigger sweet tooth? MAPPLETHORPE!! Sorry, when he's hungry he's HUNGRY, Doe has watched him put away an entire sheet of (non-weed) brownies in one sitting cause they were warm and fudgy and she made them for him! How he does it is anyone's guess!

who is more likely to get in a confrontation in public? BOTH OF THEM, Doe is more likely to throw the punch though! Mapplethorpe has a mean bark but his bark is nothing to Doe's bite! They are tag teaming when Mapplethorpe inevitably gets into a fight!

who hosts the parties/hangouts? who organizes them? Mapplethorpe and Doe respectively! She's a very social person but she can't take the heat of a whole gathering on her own! she prefers to be the join in assist making sure things are running, folks are fed and having a good time while he talks his heart out!

who is better at cooking? do they ever cook for each other? Doe and OFTEN. These two aren't on the wealthiest side so eating in is often but Doe is a good cook and more than that, Mapplethorpe is a foodie! He loves to eat whatever she's serving up with plenty of compliments to the chef!

who is more likely to engage in dangerous and/or illegal behavior? DOE, no question there.

who is more likely to notice when something is wrong with the other? Doe, Mapplethorpe isn't as quick to notice and he does, he sometimes lacks the words to articulate it well, but he does and he's always there!

who does the talking in public settings (i.e. to the waiter at a restaurant)? They both do! I fear they're the people that strike up conversation casually with a server or other people in a store and their kids are CURSING them!

who is more likely to extend a helping hand & provide emotional support? DOE

who is the bigger prankster? do they get the last laugh or do they suffer for it? Mapplethorpe!! Doe NEVER goes down without a fight though!

DOE & GONZO

who curses more? DOE, Gonzo has his moments but he has much more of a filter than Doe does, especially when heated!

who is more patient? GONZO

who does the driving? N/A, sadly their main verses are locked into CFP. Gonzo takes the lead driving the go-kart around on romantic strolls while Doe is resting on his shoulder though!

who is louder? who is quieter? Doe is louder! Gonzo is more of a quiet lover all things considered!

who is more physically affectionate? DOE, Gonzo has his worries about being overly affectionate with her and potentially triggering things. He knows she's had a rough go of it and one of his greatest fears is making things worse, but Doe sees this and while she appreciates it, she wishes he was less afraid. She is headbutting him with love and slowly encouraging him with communication and gestures of physical affection!

who is more likely to tease the other? Toss up!! It's all in good faith though!

who is better with time management? Doe?? Solely because she has a watch though! Haha

who wins the arm wrestling matches? GONZO, no contest, he'll let her win once or twice though!

who controls the music in the car ride? N/A, again, they're stuck in the park, but Gonzo is the DJ! He offers to teach Doe! In truth he's a little curious, but Doe wouldn't trade his dj'ing and adorable tributes to her for the world!

who covers dinner when they order in? N/A, again, stuck in the park, but Doe is the one that does snack runs for them both in exchange for a kiss and a cuddle in the booth!

who is more outgoing? who is more shy? Gonzo is the more outgoing one and Doe, well, CFP!Doe is an entirely different beast! Haha

who has the more outlandish fashion sense? Gonzo, but in the 90s stoner way that's a bit more than the depression outfit Doe is forever stuck wearing!

who starts the tickle fights? who ends them? Doe does!

who has the darker/more “edgy” sense of humor? God,,, I'd say Gonzo! Though his sense of humor is like, mostly about him being electrocuted! He's not mean about it! He just thinks it's funny!

who is more competitive when it comes to games? Doe!

who has the bigger appetite? the bigger sweet tooth? Gonzo, but solely cause Doe doesn't actually eat very much!

who is more likely to get in a confrontation in public? DOE NO QUESTION, the fights with Mapplethorpe are inevitable I fear!

who hosts the parties/hangouts? who organizes them? Gonzo hosts and starts the gathering with the music, Doe is the designated babysitter sitting back and watching things to make sure it runs without fight and quietly basking in the energy.

who is better at cooking? do they ever cook for each other? N/A, I would say Doe though on principle when Vi brings them food!

who is more likely to engage in dangerous and/or illegal behavior? DOE, she would straight up kill a person. and she has! Her murderer is now just as dead as she is, but he doesn't get a second chance!

who is more likely to notice when something is wrong with the other? Gonzo!

who does the talking in public settings (i.e. to the waiter at a restaurant)? Gonzo, Doe is a little shy I won't lie!

who is more likely to extend a helping hand & provide emotional support? Gonzo and Doe both are equally likely but they had different capacities to help given everything about their deaths!

who is the bigger prankster? do they get the last laugh or do they suffer for it? DOOOOE, Gonzo gets spooked but hes not a vengeful sort! Haha

[cruelfeline]

Please consider, a concept:

If there is anything that may be considered a marvel of development - a truly impressive character-arc-of-sorts - it is Hordak's relationship with sleep.

Clones don't sleep, you see.

It's not that they can't. They're physically capable of the act, but under Prime's rule, it's just not done.

Why sleep - lazy and useless to all but oneself - when one can instead rest in a manner that fulfills a purpose? How could any brother endure laying about so selfishly, so slothfully, when they could use their resting bodies and minds in service of Prime?

So clones don't sleep. They enter a rejuvenating stasis: in their pods, connected to the network, using their living neurons to expand and bolster and stabilize the great hivemind.

Always useful. Always serving. Bodies and minds, even in rest, giving of themselves to Prime.

Keeping all that in mind, one can imagine the utter dismay Hordak experiences when, in his early days on Etheria, he realizes that he can no longer use his ship's pod for its intended purpose. Not surprising: the hivemind, after all, does not reach this accursed dimension. And however the pod worked, it requires access to the hivemind.

So Hordak, needing rest as anyone does, sleeps. And he hates it.

He hates how it feels: the confusion, the grogginess. The knowledge that he's just laying there, doing nothing, being even more useless than he already is.

Failing to serve a purpose. Just... failing.

Still, Hordak tries. He tries to make it as dignified - as proper - as possible. He tries to at least use his pod, to sleep standing and straight-backed, upright and ready for immediate activity. As a good brother should be.

Surprise: it doesn't work.

It's hard to sleep standing up, for one. Normally, a clone in stasis maintains some level of reflexive muscle tone: just the right amount to remain upright. Hordak finds, rather to his embarrassment, that this does not happen when sleeping.

And reflex aside... it hurts. Just as everything begins to hurt, courtesy of Hordak's defective form.

So, despite shame and resentment cruelly directed at himself, Hordak lies down.

But, as often seems to be his luck, the indignity does not end there!

Even lying down - on a bare pallet, of course - he can't seem to just rest normally.

He tosses and turns and twists about, never ending in the same position he starts in. He has difficulty falling asleep. Difficulty staying asleep. Difficulty staying cool enough, or warm enough. As his muscles continue to wither, he wakes to pressure and pain. Then to bruises and sores.

And, needless to say, there are the nightmares.

Eventually, the misery of it becomes... almost welcome.

All beings must suffer to become pure, after all.

Then Imp arrives. And with Imp, things change.

Imp is demanding. Imp does not accept sleeping on a bare pallet. Imp insists upon blankets. Pillows. More exact climate control.

And despite his ingrained judgment, Hordak provides these things. Because Imp is loud and insufferable when not provided for... and also because he is small. And really quite fragile at times. And... and because something twists oddly, in Hordak's chest, when he sees Imp suffering anything approaching discomfort.

This ends up being the first turning point, for just as Hordak loathes to see Imp uncomfortable, Imp loathes to see him uncomfortable. And so, ever so slowly, Imp's comforts become Hordak's.

Imp's bedding ends up on Hordak's pallet. Then larger, Hordak-sized bedding, stolen from who-knows-where and dragged in who-knows-when. No matter how Hordak tries to dispose of it, more takes its place until he finally gives in and accepts his fate.

His fate likewise involves Imp curling up with him whenever he is restless or painful or cold or distressed at odd hours of the night.

It doesn't make sleep enjoyable. It doesn't make the whole affair less shameful, less demonstrative of Hordak's deficiencies and failures.

But it does assuage the hurt. Just a bit. Just enough so that Hordak can approach his nightly rest with something more resembling neutrality, rather than nauseous dread.

This is the status quo for years: Hordak sleeps because he needs to, and he does so with some basic comforts because Imp insists it increases sleep's efficiency.

It isn't until the second turning point that he learns to enjoy it.

That turning point is, of course, Entrapta.

Entrapta, like Imp, delights in comfort. And like Imp, she all but imposes that comfort upon Hordak.

Now Hordak doesn't have only basic bedding on a pallet. He has a bed. He has sheets and comforters and an honestly shocking number of pillows.

Most importantly, he has Entrapta herself. Entrapta, who loves to tinker and create and keep madly busy, but who likewise loves to sleep. Oh, she may do so inconsistently, but when she finally retires, she does so with the deepest appreciation for all the luxuries slumber might provide.

And it's infectious.

Hordak can't resent his need for a warm blanket on chilly nights when Entrapta cheerfully wraps herself in one, the very picture of comfy satisfaction. He can't be cross over needing plush bedding to prevent bruises when Entrapta sighs contendedly every time she sinks into her mattress. And while, once upon a time, waking up in a fetal curl would have sent him into an angry shame-spiral, he just can't be upset when Entrapta is likewise curled around him.

Thus the sleep status quo shifts until, one morning, Hordak awakens.

He is wrapped in the softest quilt, head resting on the softest pillow, body curled around his beloved lab partner. At his back, Imp quietly chirps with every slow breath.

He yawns. Tightens the quilt just a bit around his shoulders. Buries his face in Entrapta's cloud of lilac hair. Sighs.

If anything hurts, Hordak does not notice it. And then he falls back asleep.

[diacetyldemon]

I Would Like To Know Where We're Going, Since It's Getting Kind of Dark

Sephiroth/Reader (also Cloud/Reader for like 2 seconds lol. Reader is gender neutral).

words: 6,087 (yikes)

Rating: M

Under the tutelage of the great Sephiroth, you were set to become one of the greatest SOLDIERs known to man. After Sephiroth suddenly declares he wants you to become his second-in-command, the stress rises, as does your desire to succeed, and Sephiroth seems more and more determined to meld you to fit his vision.

(Originally based off of a story from videogameyanderes on Tumblr!)

note: RIP videogameyanderes. wonder where they went....

(AO3 link)

It is difficult to cope with growth.

This is not news nor a grand revelation to you, or anybody else with any shred of knowledge about how life works. It's a painful process, physically or mentally, to shed layers, to grow and become something different, to take on a new form, to be born again. It hurts, in the best and most tragic and masochistic way possible. You knew this. Intimately so.

It didn't make it any less painful.

But that was the whole point, no? Your training was supposed to hurt. It was supposed to push you, bend you, break you, melt your mind and fracture your consciousness until you came back stronger, goddammit. You were training to be a SOLDIER, and what is a SOLDIER? Better. Different in the best way possible. You knew this; very much so.

It didn't make it any less painful.

But that didn’t, nay, shouldn’t stop your gratitude. You were in a position of immense privilege; you were currently under the tutelage of the Sephiroth. It was a position that many would, literally or metaphorically, kill to gain. How could they not be drawn to such extreme measures? Every time you look at your master, you’re also looking at the object of many dreamy-eyed children (and adults), those who stare into his admittedly mesmerizing eyes, the eternal depths that seemed to draw so many to him, praying that they, too, could become that strong, that smart, that efficient. A mere pipe dream for most, something so ineffable as to be eternally out of reach, was your reality. You had something far, far greater than most people wished to achieve, much less actually acquired, and you were no fool! You knew this.

It didn't make it any less painful.

But you took the pain willfully, graciously. Ready and poised to accept the lessons that came with it. You were ready, you were strong, you were capable, willing to change and bend and break and take whatever you had been given and become a SOLDIER, worthy of veneration and idolization. You had, by all means, what so many people wanted and you had, by all means, done everything right up until this point.

Yet, when you began formally training under Sephiroth, you had begun to learn that you had been doing everything wrong. Nay, correction - you had been doing some things right, but you still did most things wrong. Many things are wrong, yes, so many that they must be corrected this very instant: you must stand up straight and speak the right way and cast the right spells and keep your eyes in the proper places. While you were initially going to be trained as any other SOLDIER, Sephiroth, for reasons unknown, wanted you to be by his side as a second-in-command, ratcheting up the difficulty even further, making you even more wrong. You were very good as a SOLDIER, up until that point, but you needed to do more.

But, but, but. There’s always a but.

-

Staring out at the stained-glass skyline, you felt a strange sensation of hollowness forming in your stomach, twisting into knots, slipping into your bloodstream, and pulsing throughout you. You did not know, nor did you understand, why. (As you had begun to train, a lot of things stopped making sense, and you began to get the sensation that you understood quite a lot less than you thought you did). The answers seemed elusive and vague, distant and hard to grasp at your fingertips, generating constant hunger for things that you could not identify. With the lack of identification, there was a constant internal monologue, trying to diagnose the source of your newfound malady - maybe just stressed out by all the training or maybe I'm just hungry or maybe I'm just lonely-

Well. Maybe.

It was something that you grappled with quite a bit, the newfound loneliness. It crept up on you at the most random times, a sudden shot directly to your heart, making sickness well up in your chest, a slow and creeping infection. Sephiroth had recently drilled into you that friendships were temporal at best and useless at worst, a concept that you were struggling quite a bit with. Part of you found it ridiculous and backward - how were you going to live with this sudden space where others once were? What is a man to do but fill the hole that he is born with, by nature, with more nature? What else to fill it with but the other humans, those equally as empty?

But another part of you… perhaps the more cynical part, for lack of a better term, believed his words. After all, who doesn’t get to the top without a lack of consideration for others? What is the top if not those you have stepped upon and disregarded on your way to the highest echelon? Your sword and your master, you think to yourself, not sure if you’re making yourself feel better or worse. All you need, all you desire, all you want. Sword and master.

It does not bother me. It does not worry me. It does not concern me. I desire nothing.

And Sephiroth had made you a… Promise, of sorts. Promise perhaps might not be the proper word, no, promise brings to mind childhood and innocence and sugar and bold sunshine and crossing your fingers together to ward off the evil spirits that come with going back on a “promise”. No, he had made you a proposition. Offer. Deal. A taste, faint as a ghost, of what was to come if you went his way, and by God, you wanted to go his way, maybe even wanted him.

You would be by his side. His second in command. Heir to the most powerful. There was no other way, none, not in this sad, wretched, pathetic little world, you’d have an opportunity of this magnitude again. It was such a strange thing - who doesn’t want to rule the world? Who doesn’t want power, even if it is the scraps, the leftovers, of who is truly in charge? If you worked on your problem, it could be yours. You could be the second-in-command, the one by his side, always, until the end of the world…

Your problem. Your problem of seeking outside contact. Your friends, like Cloud, the blond with an attitude. This was a problem, an issue, an error to be corrected. You wanted Cloud, too, with his sarcasm and his own unique ways, the way he made you laugh at times and impressed you with his abilities, perhaps even generating a spark of quickly-snuffed envy inside of your chest. The way he seemed to glance over at you, mako eyes bright as ever, at times seeming to whisper something to you.

You wanted him, yes, you wanted friends. But you also wanted power, you wanted more. A hunger like the wolves, insatiable! You wanted the title, Sephiroth’s second-in-command, his assistant, to become the one who leads the charge…

Does Sephiroth keep his promises?

You turned away from the skyline and tucked yourself into bed. Your sleep wasn’t particularly restful - it hadn’t been, the last couple of nights. Something inside you cries out like a violent fire, aching to be fed, a hunger beyond words. Might need to look into that.

-

“Well,” you ask after your breath slowed a small amount, “How’d I do?”

The rapid pulsing of blood in your ears made it hard to hear his response, but you were able to make out what he said, although it took every modicum of focus in your being to do so.

“Surprisingly good,” he responds, looking you over a bit. His tone was even, cool, with nothing underneath. This was the standard stuff, you could handle it well. Your skin was soaked with sweat and your clothes stuck to you, and you knew he could hear your labored breathing. A fleeting thought is that he might chastise you for not being in peak physical condition, but another part of you disputes it - there were always these miniature back-and-forth wars inside you, it seemed, thanks to Sephiroth’s methodology. He always kept you on your toes, which might be why you’re one of the best-trained apprentices at the moment. A brutal teacher he may be, but never an ineffective one.

After this mini-battle ends in your head as quickly as it began, you realize the backhanded nature of his review. It occurs to you, with a dash of resentment (you think it’s resentment, it could be something else, your emotions felt jumbled and entangled and melted inside your brain), that you had two options. You could call him out on his usage of the word “surprisingly”, which likely would not make him very happy, or take the compliment, which made you seem too stupid to realize when you’re being insulted. Ultimately, the latter option wins - you knew far better than to talk back. (That was one thing you liked about Sephiroth’s harshness, strangely enough. If he looked at you, you knew to behave. The benefits of height and power, you suppose).

“Thank you,” is your response, trying to seem as sincere as possible. You even give a smile, showing a touch of teeth.

He nods, almost imperceptibly. “You’ve been improving quite a bit recently,” and you swear you can almost hear a hint of a smile in his words, although the hint is vague enough that you think you could be hearing things. The small praise is enough to boost your mood a small amount. “But. ” He pauses, glances over his sword - is he trying to be dramatic? “There’s room for improvement.” There’s always a but -

His voice is sharp and cutting. “Have you been working on your problem?”

“Yes, sir, I have.” (Stare straight ahead. Show no emotion. It does not bother me. It does not worry me. It does not concern me. I desire nothing.)

“And?”

You hesitate for a second - do you admit to the crippling loneliness or do you lie? How would he know if you were lying? You could get away with it, but wouldn’t the penalty for lying be worse than for telling the truth?

“Well, uh,” you begin, before catching yourself. (“‘Uh’ is not an answer” - you can still hear him say it, snippy and biting and even condescending, even though it’s been a while). You clear your throat, straighten your spine, and begin again, more formal and confident this time. “It’s been difficult, but I am slowly beginning to adjust.” It’s essentially true, and a formal answer. You even kept your posture nice and proper while answering. Hopefully, you'll get some good-student points, or at least not chewed out for the millionth time.

He says nothing for a moment, eyes narrowing. Your pulse thuds faster and faster, anxious that you somehow gave the wrong answer, that you have somehow Failed and that the second-in-command dream is fading from your grasp, but he suddenly smiles. It’s not a particularly warm smile and you don’t feel drawn to it.

“You are dismissed.”

“Yes, sir.” You make sure to smile back, just for the “good student” points, and his beautiful eyes catch it. Something lurks in them, but you don’t know what.

-

When you awoke, sweat caked onto your body and made your clothes stick to your flesh. The dryness in your throat was bordering on physically painful and your whole body felt as if you had been thrown inches away from a fire, the hot flames just grazing against your sad, needy little flesh. The rapid beating of your heart was so loud you could hardly absorb any other stimuli, desperately grasping around in the dark, feeling the air for something, anything. Eventually, you find the light switch and flick it on, still giving pathetic little gasps.

Whatever you were dreaming about - or if you were dreaming at all - eluded you. All you knew was that these night episodes kept happening, you kept waking in the dead of night, feeling as if your body just ran a marathon, running from something with sharp teeth and you weren’t running away successfully and you could feel the blades scraping against your clothes and the cold starting to slide and pierce into the vulnerable flesh-

And then it would stop and you’d awake while you were sweating and sick and everything was falling apart in your body, at least at that moment.

It began to take hold of your waking life, too. The lack of sleep, and perhaps the psychological effect of these night terrors, would leech into the waking world where you felt spaced out, distant, as if nobody could reach you. A dream, a memory, a schema of what you once were, nothing more than a fading specter in the distance. The anxiety in your chest seemed to lurk greater and greater as you go about your life, but when you trained, especially with Sephiroth, it seemed to ease up a bit.

You’d ask Sephiroth about all this tomorrow.

-

Sephiroth always wanted to meet in empty places, it seemed.

This time, it was a nearly-empty restaurant, as it was before. When you told him you needed to speak to him, he decided on the restaurant without your input, a behavior you had long since grown used to; he was the master, so all the decisions he made were final. You had made sure to arrive extra early; he lived by the “to be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late” principle and you weren’t quite in the mood for him to coldly chew you out, again. If Sephiroth was anything, he was a man of high expectations - you had to arrive early and you had to have good posture and you had to have no friends. Of course, you unfailingly met all of those expectations. It felt good to live up to someone’s expectations, as it always does, from womb to tomb. So there you sat, perfect posture, waiting for his arrival with bated breath, a slight ache from the tension in your muscles after training all day.

You made sure to keep your facial expression neutral, which came easily after Sephiroth had drilled it into you dutifully. That was something you were surprisingly thankful for, as it benefitted you on days where you wanted no more than to strangle your compatriots, regardless of who they were, and you still managed to keep a straight expression. Sephiroth wasn’t just training you in martial arts - he was training you in real-world skills, as an obnoxious schoolteacher from your youth would put it.

When he does finally arrive after some time has passed (you don’t count; your master comes when he comes and you are grateful for his arrival) you feel a mixture of relief and worry. Relief, because he’s the first person you’ve spoken to for days and the loneliness was settling in so greatly you felt you might begin to lose your mind but worry, as he does not look particularly happy. You push down the dread in your stomach and try to smile as he approaches the table (do not say any dumb or ridiculous shit, best behavior, be a good apprentice, smilesmilesmile) stiff and clearly irritated. “Hello, sir,” you offer, trying to keep your voice soft and sweet.

“Hello,” he mutters, face twisted into a scowl. His hair and outfit were impeccable and mesmerizing, as always, but his posture and facial expression were tense and irritated. It made you teeter on the edge ever-so-slightly since you knew you had to be on your Absolute Best Behavior. It didn’t throw you off too badly, however; you so often felt uneasy nowadays. It seemed omnipresent, as constant anxiety was the most natural thing in the world, a product of the constant conflict, perhaps. Nervously, you sip your water, waiting to exhale. The glass is cold against your hand, and it gives you some grounding, a point of reference. You’re still holding onto your exhale as he begins to speak, voice tense and cutting. You mentally prepare yourself for the conversation to come. It does not bother me. It does not worry me. It does not concern me. I desire nothing.

“Why did you need to speak to me today?” Everything about him - his tone, his posture, the way he grabs the cup he’s drinking out of (whiskey on the rocks, maybe?), says one thing: Keep it brief, or else.

“I have been having trouble sleeping, sir.” Immediately, you sip your ice water (all other forms of drink have been banished from your life, although you have long since gotten used to just plain water) and try to keep your eyes from wandering too much. The grip you have on the glass has to quickly be moderated by yourself, lest you wind up crushing the glass inside your hand in a moment of anxiety, which would not be very good for external appearances.

As soon as those words leave your mouth, his eyes narrow into slits and your blood runs cold. You can’t read what expression he’s giving - anger? Annoyance? Pity? Will he impose an even stricter set of restrictions upon you - no more food after 5:00 PM, or another training session at 10:00 PM, or-

“What kind of trouble sleeping?” He takes a slow sip from his drink as soon as the words come from his mouth. His demeanor is the usual - cold and uncaring, and even though that’s a good sign, it throws you off. The man was like a minefield - every step could be either glory or devastation. You were trying to bank on glory; you initially were worried he’d be angry, but in hindsight, you don’t know why you were worried. He was your master. Of course he wanted you to sleep well. He just made you anxious as hell because he was the Sephiroth, the grand, the intimidating, the all-powerful, and he was your boss. The nerves made sense, and you couldn’t dial them down. Not yet. Sephiroth was someone that knew how to keep you frosty, and that’s for damn sure, and you had known long enough that it was for an excellent reason.

“Well, I keep waking up in the middle of the night. You know - “ you grab your drink, take a sip, and very deliberately set it down on the table, trying to soothe some of the justified-not-justified nerves bubbling in the pits of your stomach and try to conceal the shaking of your hands when you set down the glass, picking your next words with the utmost care, not daring to miss a beat. “Night terrors. Waking up sick and sweaty, disoriented. Feeling anxiety, fear, dread, that sort of thing. It’s interfering with my ability to get a good night’s rest, and it’s starting to worry me quite a bit.” You originally go to bite your lip out of anxiety but realize that that might not be Proper and Sephiroth might chew you out - “if you’re going to be by my side as a SOLDIER, this behavior can not continue, do you understand?” so you take another sip of water and try your absolute damnedest to hide the slight tremor in your hands, trying so hard not to fuck it all up in front of your Master. You keep your spine straight while you continue once more, running the slight, albeit calculated, risk of talking too much. “The anxiety is getting to me in my day-to-day life, too. Training helps, but it doesn’t fix the issue. I don’t know if you have any tips for things like this, but I don’t want my lack of sleep to start affecting my duties. Is there anything I should be doing to get a better night’s rest, sir?”

Trying not to slide off into some other form of consciousness and drift away from your anxieties, you take a big glug of ice water and pull yourself back into your body, grounding yourself (for a brief moment you were dribbling out a bit but you managed to pull yourself together) and plunging back into this very moment with your master Sephiroth in the empty restaurant where his beautiful eyes are staring right at you and you just drank some very cold water that is going down, down into your empty stomach, right after telling your Master that you haven’t been sleeping well. Yes, yes, you think you did it right. You hit the sweet spots- can’t sleep, worried, might affect your SOLDIER work, and you topped it off with a "sir". The ball’s in his court. You can breathe a little easier now. A little.

“Hrm.” His voice drops a bit lower than usual, and you don’t know if it makes you comfortable or uncomfortable - or perhaps something else entirely, a strange warmth mixed with nausea passing through you. He places his glass down on the table, calculating. “Let me make sure I understand this. So you are able to get to sleep, but you are not able to stay asleep?” The tone is normal, inquisitive, and his hand gestures a bit, brows furrowed, clearly thinking about something.

There’s a couple of moments of silence - you need to make sure your master doesn’t have anything more to say and you interrupt him oh-so-rudely like a sloppy apprentice, as you used to be so very long ago - before you decide to add in your second piece, elaborating further. You clear your throat before you begin, ensuring a proper beginning. You keep your voice even-keeled and professional.

“Yes, sir. I can get to sleep, but I can’t seem to stay asleep.” You move your hands back to your glass, but don’t take a sip out of it, not yet. “It’s always the dead of night when I suddenly wake up. The anxiety follows me the rest of the day, but things like our training sessions help soothe it. In my opinion, it may be a matter of environment. Perhaps if I began to sleep and live somewhere different-”

“Hush,” he says, finger held up, voice unusually calm. It startles you, but only for a second. When you realize he said, “hush” instead of his usual harsh “silence”, the effect is somehow completely different, even if the two effectively mean the same thing. Or do they? Was the meaning truly as different as the connotation seemed to be, an entirely different statement composed of what are essentially the same word? After all, Sephiroth meant what he said; if he said to be silent, you were silent, if he said to run, you ran, if he said to speak, you spoke. But hush… hush was relaxing, almost, like the ocean at night, soothing, pulling you in. Why hush and not silence? When it came off his tongue, you didn’t feel anxious that you fucked up. You felt stopped, temporarily, as if he were pulling you aside and pulling you in. Pulling you into what? You’re not sure - the trenches of Shinra politics, the brutalities of war, the agony of death, the distant and silent warmth of Sephiroth’s arms that you knew was there- “You are to live and sleep in my quarters from now on.”

Instantly thrown off, you begin to stutter out nonsense in a flurry of panic. “I-in the same bed? I d-don’t think that’s very professional, Sir!” Your throat cracks while you sputter, under an immediate panic, heart racing, throat going dry as your hands start to tremble all over again. What will everyone think, what will that do to your reputation, what if they try to kick you out and accuse you of being a whore, oh Lord help your poor pitiful soul! Would they dare punish Sephiroth for such indecency? No, certainly not, you’d take all the heat for it, what about your SOLDIER dreams then? They’d demonize you, say you tried to lead their greatest man into the arms of temptation, the vileness of sin! How dare you, trying to destroy the integrity of SOLDIER, you rotten, vile, bottom-feeding wench! Absurd as it all felt, your head was ready to pop, paranoia rushing through you so quickly you feared you would vomit. Your heart thudded furiously, and regathering what strength you have left, you start again in your most polite-yet-questioning voice, “W-w-with all d-due respect, Sir, what if the-”

“Not in the same bed,” he says, a much harsher edge leaking into his voice and making you shut your mouth immediately. His eyes bore holes into you as he stands up. “I don’t appreciate your childishness,” he states, much louder and clearer while getting a step closer to you, hairs on the back of your neck shooting up as the tremors move across your whole body. You’re scared that you’ll vomit all over your master, the humiliation washing over you in a single devastating wave, feeling like little more than the pathetic being you started as. You didn’t want to make your master upset or angry, you really, really didn’t, does he understand that, I’m not doubting you sir please understand, I’m just worried, I swear! You open your mouth to begin your gentle and pathetic groveling, a desperate attempt not to lose a high-up position, but he starts before you have the chance to begin.

“Separate beds. I’ll make sure I have a chance to observe your sleep pattern from the outside. You leave and enter the room at my discretion and my discretion alone. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir, I understand,” you respond, meekly, voice wobbling, hands still trembling. All of a sudden, you see an opportunity to right your "wrongs", so you go for it. “I’m sorry, sir, for worrying. I’ve been very stressed recently, and I’m trying my best to keep it at bay. I trust your judgment and I promise this kind of outburst won’t happen again, sir.” He narrows his eyes at you, again, stepping a little bit closer, flesh almost brushing yours. “Flattery will get you nowhere,” he says, clearly irritated.

“I… I’m sorry, sir, if it came across as flattery,” you said, trying not to seem too humiliated, feeling like a child in school once again. .”I simply don’t want you to think I am suddenly going astray. I am trying my best to follow your guidance and be the best SOLDIER I can be.” There is a moment of silence where he looks you up and down, something in your eyes you can’t begin to identify. Hunger, almost, as if he seeks something that you have, but don’t currently possess…

He smiles again, and this time it is a soft, warm kind of smile; it ignites something in your chest, something that makes you feel like you’ve done something right. “Alright,” he says, voice a touch softer. “I appreciate the efforts you’ve put forth. You have a lot of work to do, especially with the manner in which you speak.” The ending of the statement has a bit of a sarcastic, biting edge to it. He pauses, looks you up and down again, and continues.

“Still, this is good progress you’re showing me. You’re dismissed.” He stands up.

“Thank you, sir,” you spit out, on command, a robot as you stand up from your seat. You need to train, now that you think of it, burn off some of this anxious energy. You grab your stuff and begin to make your way. Yeah, the gym isn’t too far, just have to get changed, it’ll be a great session. You turn to start heading to the gym, but he calls his name and you immediately turn to face him, spine straight.

“Yes, sir?”

“I changed my mind,” he begins. “Go to your room.” His voice is the usual clear and authoritative form that you have grown used to. You’re not sure where this is going.

"The... the one in your quarters?" You winced immediately after asking, but hey - better safe than sorry.

"Yes, that one," he says, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Yes, sir.” Immediately, you begin to move, but his voice cuts through the air and stops you, making you turn to face him once more.

"When you enter my quarters, you will see there is an area set up for you, with your name on the door. Those will be your new private quarters where you will reside. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir, I understand.”

He approaches you in a few quick strides, hand grabbing the upper part of your arm with a considerable amount of force - not enough to hurt, but enough to leave an impression, warmth generated from the contact of flesh. It feels like an electric shock flows through you when he does this, hands incomprehensibly strong. His voice is deeper, darker, a harder edge overcoming it, pouring into each word and just grazing your skin with the blade. “You will leave and enter those private quarters as I tell you. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir, I understand.” His arm let go of yours, and the warmth leaves quickly. Nerves twist in the pit of your stomach - he seems to be big on the “leaving and entering” thing, if his tone is any indication, so you better not fuck that up. You quickly push the nerves you feel aside and focus on the new quarters; they’ll be better than what you’re used to, that’s for sure, and that makes you feel rather pleased. Just don’t leave or enter against Sephiroth’s will. Shouldn’t be too difficult.

“Go. Now.” His voice is a little softer this time.

"Yes, sir." He turns and walks away, and you watch his back for a moment as he walks away, off to another important meeting or some grand thing that means a hell of a lot to the corporation (and possibly him, these matters are always highly confidential) and considerably less to you, his little protége. There was so much you did not know, and how much you did not know slowly became more and more apparent to you over time.

As you head to his room, you try to cope with the dryness in your mouth and the uneasiness in your stomach. It’s slowly fading, though, because you’re going to your master’s room, the room of The Really Important Guy That Everyone Knows About; no shenanigans or scary things should happen there. Suddenly, you feel weak - you’re a SOLDIER. You shouldn’t be afraid of “scary” things. Silently, you curse yourself, but the curses are stopped when you arrive at Sephiroth’s (dramatic and ornate) room.

When you approach the door, it automatically opens as soon as you are within a foot of it, so you figured he somehow had set up access before you made it over here. However, you aren’t going to question how he did this - you knew better than to ask “how” when it came to Sephiroth. You’re taken aback by how large it is, ornate decorations and symbols everywhere, but it’s not where you’re supposed to be. After five minutes of half-looking-for-your-room-half-gawking, you notice a small-ish door that has a paper with your name posted upon it. You head to it and it once again opens with very little effort on your end, letting you walk right in. It’s bare, but simple: bed, bathroom with a shower, bookshelves, little TV, small amenities. No vents. No windows, either.

It’s rather nice. It’s not big per se, but it’s an upgrade from the room you had, a standard-issue SOLDIER room that didn’t have much in it, just lots of books about Shinra and windows that let you see the city from above, the kind of windows that always made you sad, somehow, because it felt like something that pulled you away from your idol dream world and into the real world, the reality of things, which was undoubtedly much darker, bleaker, emptier. For everyone, really.

As you explored your new, rather small but still cozy room, another strange feeling came to you again. You wanted to be Sephiroth’s second-in-command, you really did. Maybe a little too much if we’re being honest, but we’d rather not talk about that because if you did God knows what would happen, and you were also a little afraid of him but the fear made it all the more enticing, Lord help you, you felt like a fool being drawn to obvious bait, knowing it’s all going to go wrong but so enticed by the smell because as soon as you get a taste of it you know that you will realize you have been starving-

There’s a knock on the door that makes you nearly jump out of your skin with how lost in thought you were. Immediately you straighten yourself up, march up to the door, and open it. Sephiroth stands there, expression neutral.

“You found your room.” There’s no emotion in the statement.

“Yes, sir, I did. It’s quite nice. Would you like to look around?”

“Thank you, but I don’t have time,” he murmurs, glancing around a bit, checking for something, perhaps?

His voice suddenly drops quite a bit, a serious, deep edge in his words. “This is where you’ll be staying now”, he explains, and you give a little nod. He makes eye contact with you for a second, a silent confirmation, before continuing. “You’ll leave when I tell you to leave, and you’ll go in when I tell you to go in. You do not leave or enter any place without my command. Do you understand?”

The authoritarian nature of this sinks in, and it worries you, it does. It really really does, but you don’t question your master. You put your faith in him to lead you the right way and meld you into his second in command. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you nod. “Yes, sir.”

He smiles at you, a genuine smile, and you feel warm. He touches your shoulder for a second, a moment of brief camaraderie. He lingers a moment on your arm, making eye contact again with a smile, a smile that contained something you could not identify before he let go, walking away and shutting your door gently behind him.

You would pay the price to be his second-in-command, you would. You’d follow his rules because he was your master; when he smiled at you, you knew he wanted to make you into something great. To be the project of the strongest man around - a privilege, enjoyed only by you. The pit of anxiety didn’t leave; nay, it grew inside of you; he was incredibly demanding, pushing you this way and that, telling you what to be and not be according to him, the king of kings, the one who calls the shots, the greatest success. The amount of power he wanted over your life scared you, it worried you, made you think if it was all necessary.

The dread was omnipresent, but it was not alone; it melded with something else. It melded with something sweet and incredibly intoxicating. A part of you that wanted to make the sacrifice; a part of you that wanted to get closer, closer than ever, a part that wanted something to happen that you’d regret, because of the small something inside you with desperate, needy hunger. The something that cries out about the gilded cage it resides in but cries even more desperately for love. It was the classic dichotomy between what may be best for you mentally and what may be best for you in a position of power. Through the war and tears and training and blood, you knew you wanted the power, and Sephiroth seemed to be offering it, if you played by his rules. And you would, you would for him, you were ready to do what it took to get there. If he needed to watch you sleep, he could watch you sleep... he could do whatever it took to make you the best SOLDIER you could be.

You could do this, you would listen. The room was silent the rest of the night; Sephiroth did not come back, which made sense when you thought about it. The man seemed perpetually busy; it actually made you feel a touch of pity for him. The dread-and-excitement cocktail still gnawed at you as you crawled into bed. The blankets were intoxicatingly warm, caressing your flesh.

You slept, sliding deep into the seas of memory and emotion.

[children-of-the-muse]

;O; FINALLY, WE HAVE FINISHED THIS THING AFTER A YEAR AND A HALF AND CAN POST IT AT LONG LAST. We actually drafted this to the wrong blog at first and accidentally nuked the entire image description in trying to fix it.

So here she is, the Fog's Resident Teenage Pain In the Arse, a chav through-and-through, Magda 'Mags' Bishop--our Survivor OC and the real Mags's Self-Insert (and for our friends in the selfship community, yes, she does have a ship, a temporary one with Jonathan and an endgame with Quentin).

She does have a matched Killer, George Milo AKA the Defiler, but we have not drawn him or figured out his Power yet. They'd have come into the Fog directly before the Descend Beyond chapter. I haven't worked out a name, but I do know that they'd have come with a new map as well; Coburg Dock in Liverpool (the Steam achievement would be called 'Dockmaster', and it would be to repair the generator in the Tower House and escape). Backstory and Perks under the cut!

Magda 'Mags' Bishop grew up on Coburg Dock in the dreary town of Liverpool, England, following her mother and sister from one bad situation to the next. Between school, near-poverty, and the fact that everyone around her seemed to tolerate her at best and downright hate her at worst, even the adults who were supposed to care about her, she didn't really have much to be happy about. This wasn't helped when she was abducted from the neighbours' front yard by a serial child predator at the age of seven. While she was found and seemed more or less okay, successfully testifying against him and putting him in prison for his crimes, she began to struggle with anger management issues as she got older. She would get into physical fights with classmates who bullied her and react violently to being touched without warning or permission. Whether this was the result of her assault or the result of the abuse she was enduring at home, no one could tell (or wanted to acknowledge).

Eventually, she met a group of friends like her who both shared and encouraged her contrarian tendencies, and together they got into more trouble than she had ever managed on her own. The police had dragged her home to her mother more times than she could count, but the more she was punished, the more she lashed out and the less time she spent at home. One day, she turned up missing after a night out. While the police tried initially to track her down, her friends didn’t know where she had gone after leaving them, and as they had few other leads her case went cold before long. Most people just assumed that she had finally run off.

Perks

Difficulty: Intermediate A teenage Hell-raiser, with a knack for getting out of trouble as easily as she gets into it. Her personal perks, Lamp 'Em One, Destructive Disposition, and Come On, Then!, allow her to run interference by stunning the Killer, creating new escape routes, and distracting the Killer by making herself a target.

Lamp 'Em One You may be small, but your nerve and adrenaline make up for your size, especially if your friends are in danger. -Press the Active Ability button when standing within 1 metre of the Killer to throw a punch for a 75% chance to stun the Killer for 5 seconds. 10% increased chance if the Killer is transporting a Survivor. -120/110/100 second cooldown. -A successful stun will result in you becoming afflicted with the Exposed status effect for 60 seconds. -You become the Obsession. 'You wanna mess with my mates, you gotta contend with me.'

Destructive Disposition Years of teenage rebellion and nighttime stunts have given you a knack for property damage. -Allows you to destroy breakable walls within the environment. (Creates a loud noise notification for the Killer.) -Increases your sabotage speed by 25%. -Sabotaged hooks take 15/20/25 seconds longer to regenerate. -60 second cooldown upon breaking a wall or sabotaging a hook. -10% increased skill check difficulty when repairing generators. 'Try and eat us now, you spidery bitch. Eat THIS!'

Come On, Then! You're used to being targeted by those who've got it in for you. You've learned to use it to your advantage. -When not performing an action or in a chase for 30 seconds, your aura lights up to the Killer, alerting them to your location. -Gain a 2/5/10% Haste status effect. -Increased chance of being the Killer's Obsession. 'Come and get me, you knifey bastard!'

[dissociacrip]

hi hi can I ask what mobility disabled/problems mean? who can call themselves that? if some1 has leg/knee pains and weakness so thy have difficulty/pain getting up/down/up and down stairs and sometimes pain when walking but don’t use a mobility aid.. can they say they are? would a cane or crutches be useful?

it's a difficult concept to define but a definition one could work with may be that if you have some kind of bodily dysfunction that prevents ambulation or makes it painful, difficult, or dangerous.

using myself as an example - i consider myself mobility-impaired but it's not necessarily a constant state for me, despite my gait and other abnormalities inherent to the way i move my body. i avoid stairs because they usually cause me excruciating knee pain due to their instability. physical exertion can put me in a state where i feel very weak alongside intense pain that makes it nightmarish to be upright and walk around + cognitive dysfunction that can progress into borderline delirium. my ankles often giving way on me also makes mw a fall risk. standing in place for too long will make me sick and being in the summer heat makes me a faint risk, and i really should be using a wheelchair once i go to uni to avoid the risk of a head injury but that's not gonna happen due to my shame and lack of funds. i don't use my cane often at the moment since i'm usually at work and can't use it there even though it's where i need it the most tbh but i usually use it for the support when i'm feeling especially weak/shitty/etc. for me it's less a matter of not being able to ambulate and more a matter of not always being able to ambulate safely or without pain.

from what you describe, that definitely seems like a form of mobility impairment! whether a cane or crutches would be useful isn't a simple question, though - deciding on mobility aids is a matter that requires a bit of research to figure out what exactly your needs are and what aids would assist in fulfilling said needs. canes have different types of handles and bases. a forearm crutch might be better than a cane for some people due to wrist strain that using canes can sometimes result in. if your leg problems are bilateral a pair of forearm crutches, rollator, walker, or a wheelchair might be better than a singular crutch or cane. it's a matter of figuring out what suits your needs and what you're comfortable with, which might require some experimentation. you also don't have to go with a singular mobility aid though - some people have multiple for when their needs change as their issues are dynamic like mine. from the sounds of it, you might benefit from one, and i encourage you to explore the options/wish you luck in living a more comfortable life <3

[lotuslol]

I'm ALIIIVEE!

aaaaaand II woke up a GOOD bit more from dpdr :D

Well, I contemplated death as a peaceful resolution to my misery buuuut called God and now I want to live again >:1

I AM going to seek professional help (I have been, but she has been less than efficient but I know no one better than her, mental healthcare in my country is hard to come by and at least she gives me a sympathetic ear to listen to me. Making appointments with her has been difficult all year around and my dpdr brain is never consistent on the type of problem I suffer from on a daily basis so it's a confusing journey)

My thoughts: dpdr is shiet

The devil is a bitch, and I can't believe people think this gaslighting abusive bitch is a source of inspiration for any kind of art!!

I prefer eating yogurt (I hate yogurt) than saying that dpdr taught me any useful shit!! I only learned one thing...that I am awesome!

And I doubt that many challenges that will face me would be that difficult because living with dpdr is like raising difficulty level of life to "literal hell nightmare" and healing is returning back to "normal" but normal is like "EASY!" NOW because I have been disabled from most of my mental living abilities gradually improving for 8 months (going to be 9...), now I am like 97% or 98% back,, ON TOP OF THIS during my ILLNESS I was accompanied the the intrusive thoughts if the devil himself

And in dpdr, intrusive thoughts disturb your reality like you are on drugs (I never tried drugs before, but I know you see mad shit on them) but worse because at least the effect of drugs wears off but you live in this madness 24/7 and you can't sleep or sleep it off.

So I was disabled and beaten to a pulp by the devil himself mercilessly unless I called God for dear life, for 8 months!!!

Not an experience of a lifetime :')

I barely got to be 23 yall, I didn't get to feel like I am...anything, let alone 23

I was going to lose one of my mates by cutting ties with them

I was going to lose a friend...

I lost a pal

I felt like a helpless baby many times, but I knew I am 23

I felt like a broken mess, like I regressed to a helpless baby...but in thr body and issues of a 23 year old lady

Sometimes I didn't know if I were a woman or not, but I never thought I was a man

I looked at my face and barely recognized it

my past sexual addictions jumped to be on steroids because I was so out of my body I got physically aroused by anything

I was in mental and physical pain for a long time, and when I healed in a miracle I didn't get to...be glad about it because I felt sucky all over :(

I blurted out SECRETS to my family I regret saying because dpdr made me feel like I forgot who I was and I panicked and tried to hold on thr sanity of identity by ANY THREAD!!

I regret ever telling my mom about my past OCD, or my ex-friend, I wish I didn't tell them...

Now I wish I had someone to talk to

But all during the illess, I wished someone would hold my hand and be by my side..but someone I can feel safe sharing my worst version with

But I didn't find them because of THEIR life circumstances and I ended up being in pain alone and doing my best to get by (which was a heraclian effort and being beaten like a mule by my intrisuve thoughts demon to "stand up and stop being lazy")

My parents were never abusive!!

But they have no idea how to help me with mental illness so telling them anything is...awkward.

[yourlocalpsychiatrist]

Panic Attack vs. Anxiety Attack: Two Sides of the Same Coin or Worlds Apart?

Embarking on a journey through the realms of mental health often unveils a myriad of terms, symptoms, and experiences that can sometimes intertwine and, at other times, stand starkly distinct. Two such terms that often find themselves entwined in a dance of confusion are “panic attack” and “anxiety attack.” In this in-depth exploration, we shall traverse through the nuanced worlds of panic attack vs. anxiety attack, unraveling their similarities, disparities, and the pivotal role understanding plays in managing them effectively. Understanding the Entities — Panic and Anxiety Attacks

Defining a Panic Attack

A panic attack is an intense and sudden surge of fear or discomfort that typically peaks within minutes. It often feels like a sudden storm that engulfs an individual, leaving them overwhelmed and frightened.

The symptoms of a panic attack can be both physical and psychological and may include a racing heart, shortness of breath, trembling, sweating, chest pain, and a fear of losing control or dying.

Defining an Anxiety Attack

On the other hand, an anxiety attack, sometimes referred to as a “generalized anxiety attack,” is characterized by a more prolonged and persistent state of heightened anxiety.

Unlike panic attacks, anxiety attacks do not always have a sudden onset or a peak within minutes. Instead, anxiety attacks involve a broader range of symptoms, such as excessive worry, restlessness, muscle tension, and difficulty concentrating.

Navigating Through the Nuances — Anxiety Attack vs Panic Attack

Onset and Duration

Panic Attack: As mentioned earlier, panic attacks come on suddenly and typically peak within a matter of minutes. They often occur without warning and can happen even in situations where there is no apparent threat.

Anxiety Attack: Anxiety attacks, on the other hand, have a more gradual onset and may persist for a more extended period, sometimes lasting hours or even days. They are often triggered by specific stressors or situations and tend to build up gradually.

Intensity of Symptoms

Panic Attack: The symptoms of a panic attack are usually more intense and severe. Individuals experiencing a panic attack often describe it as a feeling of impending doom or a severe threat to their well-being.

Anxiety Attack: While anxiety attacks can be distressing, their symptoms are generally not as intense as those of a panic attack. Instead of the sudden rush of fear, anxiety attacks involve a persistent, nagging sense of worry and unease.

Physical Symptoms

Panic Attack: Panic attacks are often associated with pronounced physical symptoms, such as a racing heart, sweating, shaking, and chest pain. These symptoms can be so severe that they mimic a heart attack.

Anxiety Attack: Physical symptoms during an anxiety attack may include muscle tension, headaches, stomachaches, and fatigue. These symptoms are generally less acute than those of a panic attack.

Triggers

Panic Attack: Panic attacks can occur seemingly out of nowhere and without any apparent trigger. They are often unprovoked and can strike at any time.

Anxiety Attack: Anxiety attacks are usually triggered by specific stressors or situations that elicit excessive worry and fear. These triggers can be related to work, relationships, health concerns, or other life stressors.

Duration of Impact

Panic Attack: Once a panic attack subsides, individuals may feel drained but often experience a sense of relief. They may also worry about the possibility of another attack occurring.

Anxiety Attack: Anxiety attacks, being more prolonged in nature, can have a lasting impact on an individual’s daily life. They can interfere with work, relationships, and overall quality of life, and may require ongoing anxiety treatment.

The Overlapping Worlds of Anxiety vs. Panic Attack

While anxiety and panic attacks have their distinct characteristics, they also share a common ground that can sometimes blur the lines between them.

Shared Symptoms: The Common Ground

Despite their differences, anxiety and panic attacks have a meeting point — a territory where they overlap. Picture this: both experiences can give rise to rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, and that overwhelming sense of fear or unease. It’s like they speak a common language of physical sensations that can make anyone feel on edge.

These shared symptoms often lead to confusion. People might wonder, “Is this anxiety, or am I having a panic attack?” Understanding this shared terrain is the first step in finding clarity amidst the chaos.

The Emotional Impact: A Shared Burden

The aftermath of both panic and anxiety attacks can be emotionally taxing. Imagine being caught in a whirlwind of worry, your heart racing and your thoughts racing even faster. Once the storm passes, it can leave you feeling drained, fearful, and apprehensive about the possibility of future episodes.

In this emotional rollercoaster, anxiety and panic share a common bond. It’s like they both have the power to cast a shadow over your daily life, making you feel like you’re tiptoeing around potential triggers. Coping with this shared burden can be challenging, but knowing you’re not alone in this struggle can be a source of solace.

The Importance of Distinguishing the Difference Between Anxiety Attack and Panic Attack

Tailoring Management Strategies

Understanding the nuances between panic and anxiety attacks is pivotal in crafting tailored management and intervention strategies, ensuring that individuals receive appropriate and effective support.

Empowering Through Knowledge

Knowledge empowers. By understanding the differences and similarities between panic and anxiety attacks, individuals, and their loved ones are better equipped to navigate through the challenges they present, fostering a sense of control and efficacy.

Strategies for Managing Panic and Anxiety Attacks

Embracing Professional Support

Engaging with healthcare professionals and therapists can provide valuable insights, strategies, and support in managing panic and anxiety attacks effectively.

Implementing Coping Strategies

Employing coping strategies, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and grounding techniques, can be instrumental in managing the symptoms of both panic and anxiety attacks.

Fostering a Supportive Environment

Creating a supportive, understanding, and non-judgmental environment is paramount in aiding individuals in managing and navigating through panic and anxiety attacks.

Summing Up

In the world of mental health, labels are essential for diagnosis and treatment planning, but they should not overshadow the individual’s unique experience. Panic attacks and anxiety attacks, though distinct, can coexist and share common ground in the lives of those who experience them. Understanding these nuances is essential for individuals seeking help and for healthcare providers delivering the support and care they need.

So, are panic attacks and anxiety attacks two sides of the same coin or worlds apart? The answer lies in the recognition that they can be both, depending on the individual and the specific circumstances. What’s most important is acknowledging the experience, seeking help, and taking steps toward better mental health, regardless of the label.

[organichealthcare]

Varixil Forte Cream - Ingredients, Reviews, Experience, Dosage, Price, Where to buy

Varixil Forte when the veins under the skin are widened, thin and stretched, we call it varicose veins. The thinning of the vein walls is caused by the failure of the internal valves, which results in blood congestion and the appearance of bulging thin veins that cause discomfort. It may or may not be visible. Veins carry blood from the tissues to the heart. Veins, unlike gravity, carry blood from the legs to the heart. Inside the veins are valves that help move this flow upward. When the valves become weak, the blood cannot rise up properly and sometimes flows down.

In such a situation, the veins become inflamed and wrinkled as they increase in length. Those are varicose veins. Extremely dangerous ulcers can form in varicose veins. When there is no proper blood circulation in the veins, they start to swell current user reviews 2023. In addition to this symptom, there are other symptoms that are caused by varicose veins and people usually ignore them. In the case of varicose veins, there is pain, heaviness in the legs.

Varixil Forte cream, ingredients, how to apply it, how it works, side effects, dosage

Symptoms include cramps, stiffness or pain in the thigh, leg muscles or calf cream, slight swelling of the ankles, pain when sitting or standing for a long time, etc. Not only around one or more nerves will itching begin to appear. In order to avoid varicose veins, you must also pay attention to your lifestyle. To prevent this, Varixil Forte ingredients need to maintain a large weight in balance.

Keep blood pressure under control, avoid continuous sitting or standing. After sitting for a while, remain a little contraindication on the ways of the ingredient. Engage in regular physical activity such as yoga or exercise. Eat more fiber and less wet food. Varicose veins are an extremely common disease. In this position, your veins become clogged and enlarged and stick very prominently on your arms and legs and you feel pain. The cause of the formation of veins in this way is not known and these veins are usually quite harmless dosage. They do not pose any danger to your health and more and more often it is precisely those patients who need to do cosmetics side effects today.

This indicates that there is a problem with the circulatory system how to apply it that needs to be monitored. Since varicose veins are mostly a problem with cosmetic ingredients, people often don't look for them. However, if they start to cause pain or discomfort, difficulty walking and heart palpitations and heart palpitations and a feeling in the pareo hand dosage, it means that there may be an underlying problem with how it works with the circulatory system, in this case there are certain methods that would should have used. invited to use the composition.

One of the most common methods of varicose veins is to wear compression socks. These help increase or decrease inflammation in the veins and reduce overall discomfort and pain and are massaged into the veins for what it is. Regular exercise is also often recommended to stimulate blood flow. Finally, if the veins are causing too much discomfort, they may be blocked or removed to alleviate some of the condition. Varicose veins are usually diagnosed by sight and physical examination. Along with the way they spread, the malformed form of the veins is often typical, making it easy to diagnose almost immediately how to apply it.

Varixil Forte where to buy, pharmacy

The likelihood of varicose veins also increases as veins weaken with age. A previous leg injury can damage the valves in the vein, Varixil Forte where to buy which can result in varicose veins. Genetics also play a role, so if other family members have varicose veins, there is a greater chance that you will too. Contrary to popular belief, sitting cross-legged will not cause varicose veins, although it can worsen an existing condition where to buy.

Varicose veins and spider veins are damaged veins. We develop them when the tiny, one-way valves inside the veins weaken. In healthy veins, these valves push blood in one direction – back to our heart. When these valves weaken, some of the blood flows backwards and collects in the vein. Extra blood in the vein puts pressure on the vein walls. This pathology affects people of all ages and nationalities. Varicose veins of the lower limbs occur especially often in women. The reason is shoes with heels, tight underwear. However, this has affected the male population where to buy in recent years.

According to statistics, every fourth representative of the stronger sex after 40 years suffers from a vascular disease. This article will tell you how to get varicose veins on the legs pharmacy. You will learn that basic names are effective in combat. Before varicose veins on the legs, it is necessary to find out the cause. It certainly won't work out regardless of mastering such a task. In most cases, varicose veins are hereditary. This means that representatives of the stronger sex may have a genetic predisposition. In this case, it is transmitted mainly over the line.

This means that if the pathology was in your father or grandfather, then there is a possibility of repeating the case when the veins expand from the mother or grandmother. For women, the situation is a little different. The pharmacy should spend more time on the legs of the stronger sex. If you are forced to work in an office and sit for a long time, take short walks every two hours. Go down the stairs, get out. If the circumstances do not allow such manipulations, perform simple exercises: raise your legs, dilute and lower them in pharmacies, ask for your feet and toes, climb on your toes and lean on your heels.

Visit - https://sites.google.com/view/varixil-forte/home

[toobreadphilosopher]

The 10 Scariest Things About menemukanmainan

Oral sexual intercourse is among a man's most loved pastimes, and the thought of autofellatio - that is definitely, being able to administer oral sexual intercourse to oneself - is appealing to most Guys (whether or not they may be loath to accept it). You'll find probable very few men that have not designed no less than just one fifty percent-hearted make an effort to see if their mouths could access their penises, but the difficulty discourages most who try it. (And those who have not practiced good penis care might locate the up-close consider the organ that this presents to become a wake-up connect with to just take superior care of their junk.) For people who would like to help make even more tries, There are a variety of ideas that will enhance the likelihood of success.™

Get ready thoroughly ahead of time.

Bending the human body such that one's possess mouth can envelop just one's have penis usually means Placing the body ready to which it's most certainly really unaccustomed. Equally as a person does not roll away from bed and immediately operate for the mile, one particular really should properly prepare to interact in autofellatio.

Preferably, a person wants to invest at the least a couple of days "limbering up" prior to an endeavor. Partaking in any number of stretching physical exercises that contain bending the again can help. For instance, a person may well sit Using the soles of his feet touching and his knees distribute out, clutch his toes along with his arms and gently bend his head and again as close to the feet as you possibly can, then return to his starting up posture. Do remember that The reasoning is to move gently. If Palang Pintu Kereta possible, take a couple of yoga courses as one method to help limber up.

Prepare adequately that working day.

When seeking to suck oneself, the bending is naturally intending to put plenty of strain to the stomach; hence, It is really a good suggestion never to take in or consume for a number of several hours before beginning on the activity. A man should also try to rid the bowels and bladder of written content right before commencing.

When fifteen or 20 minutes faraway from starting, a man ought to take a incredibly hot bath in order to relax the muscles. He could also want to have interaction (diligently) in a number of very simple stretches though lying during the tub.

Take it lying down.

Most men usually tend to attain autofellatio good results inside of a vulnerable posture instead of standing or sitting down. A person need to lie together with his head over a pillow (or many pillows, depending on his comfort stage), then flip his legs guiding his head, with his toes landing at the rear of his head. (As generally, he really should shift very carefully all of the time and end if there is pain included.) Some Guys may possibly discover it simpler to do this by initially shifting their legs and hips up a wall, offering them a lot more aid, in advance of flipping them forward. A person might then scoot ahead so the wall gives some back again assistance. Together with the arms over the buttocks, gently go the penis nearer towards the mouth.

Persistence is key.

Not many Adult males are limber adequate to effectively execute oral intercourse on by themselves The very first time out. Being persistent is critical; if the very first try is often a failure, the tenth is probably not.

As described over, autofellatio presents a man an entire new standpoint on his tools; employing a top rated-drawer penis wellness cream (well being pros endorse Man1 Gentleman Oil) helps make the Device appear additional inviting, the two to the autofellator also to any husband or wife he could possibly have. Dry, flaky organ skin can discourage everyone from putting an organ of their mouth, so a product having a higher-close emollient like Shea butter is necessary to retain the skin clean and healthful. Additionally, vitamin C within a cream might help with collagen output and penile tissue firmness, which makes the member more palatable.

Over the past few years, the recognition of procurement training has drastically amplified. Latest trends in the company earth have enlarged the status of purchasing departments at almost all of the institutions. To be able to survive during the increasing aggressive market with nonstop enhancement every day, it's difficult for that businesses to simply focus on cutting down on prices.

Procurement instruction can be a very fashionable form certainly which is being taken by pupils and industry experts lately. The term also refers to purchasing or purchasing. This training also assists widen occupation potential customers but it is vital to possess a handful of more skills far too.

The more you spend less, the greater you achieve; This is actually the motto of each corporate sector. This principle in turns builds huge pressure within the procurement Section. Even so, the pressure is of guaranteeing remarkable high quality products and services in a small rate as a way to acquire or deliver greatest return.

The basic requirement for workers using this type of Expert instruction has drastically enhanced over time. An organization necessitates an productive personal who's not simply skillfully competent but in addition a person who can offer a wide array of features and providers to curtail organization fees. Plainly, it can be used to stand for buying motion on behalf of a business or organization. Supplied below are a few unique stages of the administration approach.

Primary Data Processing is A necessary section of the Studying course of action. There is an enormous majority of the Discovering system which can be done by using Computer system software packages. It is obtainable on the Local community and profession institution level. Your complete technique is focused on a specific program software or normal more than enough being applied to the mostly used merchandise.

Procurement Assessment is accessible as a result of different prospective clients like Expert academies, colleges and distinct institutions. It really is employed to determine in which the company or institutions can save money or develop person business course of action. Consequently, the leading principle Utilized in this kind of steering guarantees with info administration, statistics, facts cubes and lots of far more. Most significantly, each one of these abilities are utilized for some other kind of knowledge management or Investigation programs.

This administration plan incorporates each Assessment and money reporting. The program is needed for your major posture in the board which is typically a article graduate system or certification. Generally, this a single yr method delivers some excess organization functions.

What exactly are the Useful Things of Procurement Schooling?

Together with the other facilities, the class offers some unique management capabilities, moulding together recent and industry principles which offer a complicated level ability set. It is an extremely very important consideration for stake homeowners who need to capitalize on their own investments. Concurrently, they wish to develop a a lot more efficient cash move method when obtaining marketable goods. Usually there are some further great things about this advanced schooling.

Yet, in major companies, the employees who're liable for processing acquire requisitions or obtain orders are literally expected to finish this system. Definitely, the procurement teaching is divided into a few sections like inner procurement policy, finance obligations, as well as facts quality. Nonetheless, the coverage is very important to avoid Price tag lawsuits and disputes.

[acls-bls-louisville]

Getting Ready For The Cardiac Catheterization Process

Cardiovascular disease claims the lives of up to 650,000 Americans each year. Heart attacks are among the most well-known effects of cardiovascular illness, along with coronary artery disease, high blood pressure, and stroke. You must be certain that you are aware of the steps involved in getting ready for a cardiac catheterization.

In the 1940s, medical professionals developed a treatment called cardiac catheterization (also known as cardiac cath, heart cath, or coronary angioplasty) to diagnose cardiovascular illness before it develops too far and treat some kinds of disease. To help you make informed decisions about the operation for yourself or a loved one, we'll examine what cardiac catheterization comprises, including its advantages and disadvantages, in this blog post.

The following information will help you get ready for the cardiac catheterization procedure.

What causes can catheterization of the heart be used for?

A doctor may suggest a cardiac catheterization for several different reasons. Your heart may be in distress if, for instance, you experience chest pain, breathing difficulties, heart palpitations, heavy perspiration, recurrent heartburn, dizziness, a blood clot, swollen ankles, or persistent fatigue.

If such is the case, cardiac catheterization is a secure and reliable technique for your doctor to perform a more thorough evaluation of you. Your doctor could learn crucial details from the surgery that could save your life, such as;

Analyze     your blood vessels for narrowing or blockages that can be the source of     your chest pain.

Having     congenital heart abnormalities (inherited or present at birth).

Heart     biopsying or collecting tissue samples.

Measuring     the pressures and levels of oxygen in various cardiac regions.

Analyze     your heart valves for any issues.

During a heart catheterization, are you alive?

Yes, in the majority of instances. To keep you relaxed and comfortable throughout the treatment, you will be awake but only slightly drugged. However, some further treatments, such as valve repair or replacement and ablation that your doctor can carry out during the heart catheterization might have to be done while you're under anesthesia.

Additionally, a local anesthetic injection will be given to numb the catheter insertion site before the flexible tube known as a catheter is put into your artery to decrease pain.

Before having a heart catheterization, is it okay to eat or drink?

No. Before your cardiac catheterization, it is strongly advised that you abstain from food and liquids for at least 6 hours. Your doctor may occasionally guide you on what specific foods or beverages you can consume in the 24 hours before the surgery. Your doctor could or might not ask you to discontinue taking any supplements, vitamins, or medications that you are already taking, including blood thinners.

How long does a heart catheterization require for recovery?

The quick healing period following a cardiac catheterization is good news. Most patients can stand up and begin moving roughly six hours after the operation. Depending on their age and physical condition before the treatment, the average individual can recover fully in a week to ten days, occasionally less, if there are no issues.

For the first 24 hours following the treatment, you should anticipate feeling slightly weak and exhausted but not excessively so. It would be wise to take at least 48 hours off from activity before starting anything resembling your regular daily routine.

Enrolling for resuscitation training with CPR Class Louisville will open a floodgate of opportunities to the participants after undergoing a hands-on live training. Pursuing the course can help both professionally and ethically to save the lives of breathing victims. Be at ease to connect by dialing 502-804-6132.

[ohnominamino]

An Essay on Love in Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time

Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time is a movie about love in all its forms. From the love of family, friends, and neighbors, to the compassion we feel for people we have never met. The movie reminds us that love is something we continuously gain, lose, and choose, again and again. Which love is greatest? In my opinion, the answer to that question is left up to interpretation. In this essay, I will give my own personal interpretation on certain character interactions and what I believe we are meant to take away from their Rebuild portrayals. 

The character I will start with is one I’ve noticed the most outrage over from people who haven’t seen the movie and read out-of-context spoilers: Kaworu Nagisa. 

Kaworu is a beloved character among many Evangelion fans, especially those who are members of the LGBT+ community. He is a canonical love interest of Shinji Ikari and I want to reassure people that this final movie does not change that fact. However, it does not make the couple blatantly endgame either. This skirting around the couple might make some fans upset, and while their feelings are completely valid, I do not think they fully understand the difficulties faced by LGBT+ people in Japan, nor do they understand the way that romance is typically conveyed in Japanese storytelling. (I recommend watching “Is ‘Yuri On Ice’ Good Gay Representation?” by James Somerton for more about storytelling nuances.) 

What have we been shown about Shinji and Kaworu’s love? The good news is, anything you read into the original TV series and End of Evangelion is completely true for the Rebuilds— because Kaworu is the same Kaworu. This movie proves Evangelion is a single universe set on repeat, and that Kaworu and Shinji meet each other every loop, and in each, Kaworu is trying to make Shinji happy. Within the final movie, Shinji becomes aware of the loops and chooses to break the cycle and free Kaworu from his pain. 

What does the relationship between Shinji and Kaworu teach us? I believe the purpose of their love is to show the audience that first, in the words of Kaji, “love has no gender.” Second, I believe Kaworu’s love in particular is a warning about basing your own happiness solely upon another person. There are parallels drawn between Gendo/Yui and Kaworu/Shinji. Gendo could not exist without Yui, and so he was willing to destroy the world to be reunited with her. For Kaworu, it was not the destruction of humanity, but the destruction of himself that defined his tragedy. What’s important within the final movie, in my opinion, is that Shinji does not reject Kaworu’s love. With the insight he’s gained from remembering past loops, he sees Kaworu’s love and appreciates him, but he also sees his suffering and wants to ease it. He helps Kaworu into a new world where he can seek his own happiness and find balance in his life (something his father did not have). 

While Kaworu and Shinji are not seen as an explicit couple at the end of the movie, it’s significant to note that, when he sets Kaworu free, Shinji holds out his hand to Kaworu as a promise to stay together. Over the course of the movie, Shinji comes to accept his connection to others through accepting touch (in the form of hand holding and hugs from Rei, Misato, and Gendo); however, Kaworu is the only character in the movie who Shinji initiates physical contact with and that speaks to how much Kaworu means to him. This simple gesture, in my opinion, keeps the door open for Kaworu and Shinji to be a couple one day, after Kaworu has found more balance in his life. 

If I were to write an entire essay about Kaworu, it would be titled, “Out of the Coffin: How the Resurrection of Kaworu Nagisa Buries the Tragic Lovers Trope” because this movie truly does just that. 

Another potential love interest for Shinji for many years was Asuka; however, unlike with Kaworu, the nature of this relationship is not left up to interpretation by the end of the movie. Before her big final battle, Asuka tells Shinji, “I think I loved you back then” (regarding their time in middle school) and Shinji, during Instrumentality, tells Asuka, “Thank you for saying you loved me. I loved you too.” It is past tense. 

What does this relationship teach us? It’s a beautiful way of showing that we can love people, and grow and learn, and let go when we no longer fit each other. Letting go is an integral part of life. Whereas other Instrumentality scenes involve touch, Asuka’s, mirroring the ending of End of Evangelion, has a distinct lack of touch. Shinji sits with his arms around his knees and Asuka turns her body away from him. He gives her his thanks and he sends her off to find her peace. Asuka and Shinji teach us that it’s okay to grow out of relationships. You can appreciate what they were to you at the time they happened and move on. 

What about Rei? To be honest with you, this movie is less about Rei’s relationship with Shinji, and more about her relationship with the world. Rei teaches movie viewers about the simple pleasures of living. While Shinji is in mourning for the first quarter of the movie, Rei (as “Sokkuri”) is learning about crop growing and community, the wonder of babies and kittens, the joy of the bath after a long day of fruitful work, and the power of words and picture books. At the end of her life, she only regrets not having more time to spend with the people she loves. In Instrumentality, Shinji accepts her hand when it is offered to him, which I hope signifies he is ready to see life as she had come to during the final movie. 

Rei teaches us that we can love living and to not take our limited time for granted. 

Next, we move on to parent figures: Gendo and Misato. I think they both represent people ill suited to the role, who do the best they can despite it. Gendo, as mentioned for Kaworu above, is a warning about defining yourself by your relationship to another person (Ikari, afterall, is Yui’s name). He is also a lesson in how people mourn and how they can lash out. Misato, like Gendo, felt herself a poor parent, and while mourning the loss of Kaji, she gave up her child to be raised by other people, but, unlike Gendo, went forward to put all her energy into protecting humanity. Both of them reach out to hug Shinji within the movie and he accepts them where they are. 

While I wouldn’t say the movie shows that Shinji forgives Gendo, it does show his making an effort to understand and make peace with what others have done. For Misato, it is fair to say we can still hope for a better future, even when it feels like everything is crumbling around us. Her self-sacrificing love for her son and the whole of humanity is what enables Shinji to then save the people he loves (via the spear of Gaius). 

In the movie, we are also shown friendship. Touji, Hikari, and Kensuke are important members of their community who maintain open communication with those around them and respect others’ boundaries. They are patient and kind and represent the importance of being present. They teach us to meet people where they are and support them how we can, whether it’s giving them a warm meal or giving them space when they need it. 

There are many more characters that could be talked about, but today I am going to end on Mari. Mari’s love is physical. She enjoys being in people’s personal bubbles. She cuddles Asuka and helps trim her hair, she gets into Gendo’s space at college, and at the end of the movie, she reaches out her hand to Shinji to help him stand up from his seat. Upon first glance, some viewers might take Mari and Shinji’s final scene to be romantic, but the reality of it is this: We do not, and cannot, know what kind of love she is meant to represent in his life.

We do not know Mari’s relationship with Shinji because they hardly interact in the movie. She clearly cares about him, but in my opinion, it comes from a place of duty and compassion— Mari was friends with Gendo and Yui. She has been there since he was born. (If we take the manga to be canon, then Mari even had romantic feelings towards his mother. Her hairstyle and glasses are from Yui. At the end of the movie, Mari has changed her hairstyle, which to me implies she has moved on, and “getting” with Shinji would be a thematic break.)

Additionally, their conversation, while flirty, is very much one that implies they haven’t seen each other for a while. Mari is someone who is very physically affectionate. With everyone. If someone ignores that and focuses on the fact she gets into Shinji’s space and claims that’s romantic, they better acknowledge it’s possibly romantic with Asuka, who we see far more intimacy with. When Mari flirts, Shinji flirts back and her initial reaction is surprise, “Wow, you’ve learned to talk back!” Her purpose is clear. She is there to remove the DSS choker from his neck. 

Personally, I love that Mari is the one to close the movie, for the exact reason that we do not know her relationship with Shinji. For Mari to have an assigned role would be to say, “This kind of love is most important,” when the entire movie was spent showing us each love is of equal importance in the balance and building of our lives. (It’s wonderful to see those types of love embodied across the platform from Shinji at the end of the movie: Rei and Kaworu, who, just like in End of Evangelion, could signify the ability to connect with others and be loved.)

If you view Mari as a romantic love interest, then I think it speaks to the value that you as an individual give to romance rather than what the characters themselves are feeling. To me, Mari, the character who was created to “destroy Eva,” is a symbol of all love. When Shinji takes her offered hand and then pulls her to run into the new world, it’s a symbol of balance. The give and take of any kind of relationship. 

We are the product of every relationship we have ever had, from our parents to the people we once loved, from our friendships to any other person we want to stay connected to. Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time is a story about these relationships. It is a story about love.