#and it’s not even corny to say that I’m praying for that bright break in the clouds

[nc-vb]

if it’s gotten to the fucking point that the Ministry of Education has to announce that “the school year is cancelled” for part of Gaza because all its students have been murdered, humanity has failed, failed at everything— flat out, point blank, and unequivocally failed.

[littlemisskookie]

Love Me and Leave Me

Love Me and Leave Me Ship: Princess!Reader | Prince!Jin | Maid Description: Royalty!AU, Arranged Marriage!AU. You had no objections when you heard of your engagement to a faraway prince. In fact, you were elated! Especially when you caught sight of his handsome face and charming personality. You could see yourself falling for him easily. The only problem? He’s in love with someone else. Warnings: Impregnation Kink, Virgin Kink, Voyeurism, Dirty Talk, Intercourse, Oral, Multiple Orgasms, Cum Play, Handjob, Overstimulation, Infidelity? Angst, Slight Fluff, Slight Crack Word Count: 9,964

When you were told you were engaged to the eldest prince of a nearby kingdom, you had no objections.

Not as in you simply were quietly submitting because it was your duty- you were genuinely looking forward to it.

The quicker you were married the quicker you could get to the throne. Sure, some other princesses were distraught by the news, scared they'd be married to some old king, but you were lucky enough to get a prince. You liked to look on the bright side of things. Besides, arranged marriages have instances where they work- maybe if you were lucky you'd fall in love with the mystery man. A girl can dream, right? It would be just like the fairytales.

You heard he was the most handsome of them all. Prince Seokjin, eldest of the seven brothers. This marriage would align your two kingdoms and would be a joyous celebration.

So sure enough, upon your first meeting together you were absolutely ecstatic.

He was more beautiful than his portrait- a true show stopper. Plump lips and broad shoulders? Yes, please. He was as polite as he was handsome, kind as he insisted on pulling out your chair, instead of just having the staff do it. He made good conversation, with corny jokes you couldn't help at laugh at. Not because they were funny, but because they were stupid.

You really hit the jackpot with this one. The two of you agreed to get married immediately, your parents relieved to have no protest from their children.

As you sat there, seeing him animately laugh at his own joke as your families collectively shake their heads in playful disappointment, you only had one thought.

I can see myself falling in love with this man already.

There was only one problem, though.

He was in love with another.

You were approaching his bedchambers, his lounge for the time being before the two of you would be moved to the King's chambers, the coronation taking place with the wedding. Might as well save money and have two ceremonies in one, right?

You were about to ask him if he'd prefer your dress to be cream or pure white- (He was always so involved in your wedding planning, wanting to truly make it belong to the two of you instead of just hiring some wedding planner. You were so relieved to find out he wouldn't leave you to your own devices.)- when you heard something strange.

A moan.

No, not just that. A female moan.

You halted your footsteps, deathly quiet as you stood before the bedroom door, already slightly ajar. You were paralyzed.

A breathy sigh was followed with a grunt, the sound of skin slapping against skin along with the creaking of a bed as the headboard knocked ever so lightly against the wall.

"You're so tight, you feel incredible like always."

"Jinnie, oh my God-"

"Feel good baby?"

"Feels so great. More, Jinnie, please-"

"Anything for you."

The moans get louder along with the knocking of the headboard against the wall, and you wonder how no one else had come to discover the two. Creeping forward you look between the crack to see your prince with his lover.

You recognized the woman. She was one of the servants that came with Seokjin's family when he moved in for wedding preparations. You noticed she gave him a longing look- but that's what everyone gave him. Who could blame her? He was stunning, charming, and a prince no less.

Perhaps you should've noticed how he looked at her.

The two of them were naked, the sheets a mess and pillows tossed on either side of them. He was on top of her, her feet dangling on either side of his head, hanging on his shoulders. Her legs were spread and her head was hung back, mouth agape as she moaned, overcome with pleasure. Jin gripped her thighs, his hips moving fast in a familiar rhythm, sweat covering his forehead. He looked beautiful, even when he was sweaty and grunting anomalistically.

You couldn't help but feel yourself blush, face turning red as you brought your hand over your mouth, attempting to suppress any noise of shock. You could feel your face burning up beneath your palm, along with a betraying knock of arousal in the pit of your stomach. It was unlike you, looking at such a scene, and it felt like an invasion of privacy.

Still, you couldn't pry your eyes from the pornographic image, the intimacy between the two. You had no experience with this sort of thing- staying a virgin with the full intent of giving it to your future husband, just as you were raised to.

You should be appalled by this scene. Instead of being the lady you were raised to be, to silently walk away from the scene, you stayed watching, feeling your entire body ignite.

Maybe it was the scent of sex that hung in the air. Maybe it was the moans. Maybe it was simply because you had no frame of reference when it came to sex, and this was to sate your curiosity. More than likely it was all three.

"I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna-" The girl let out a whine as Jin leaned forward, pinning her more firmly into the mattress as her legs bent back with him. His lips met hers, a sloppy kiss as the two interjoin more completely, chest to chest.

"I love you," he says breathlessly, the moment the kiss breaks.

"I love you too, Jinnie. I'm gonna cum, I-"

"Me too, love. Come with me."

Her eyes roll back and he presses his hips more firmly into her ass, letting out a low groan as he empties himself into her. The two stay like that for a moment, still joined together, breathless and sweaty as they stare into each other's eyes.

"I love you so much," he says tenderly, touching her face with a soft caress, as though he weren't fucking her into the mattress seconds before.

"I love you too, Jinnie," she says, tears brimming in her eyes.

"Why the tears, love?"

"Oh, you're getting married!" she cries, voice cracking. The two break apart, but he holds her in his arms, tight against his chest as she softly cries. For one who wasn't raised a lady, she sure knew how to cry daintily. "How am I supposed to feel?"

"I know, I know. I wish I could marry you, I really do."

"You're getting married to a princess. What need will you have with me?"

"Don't say that."

"I'm just going to be the nanny to your child, watching you play house with your pretty little wife! I can't just be a side piece."

"Hey, hey! Don't say that. Don't. You'll never be that, understand? I love you. I've been in love with you since we were little kids, I grew up with you. You know that."

"I know, but," she sniffs, wiping away a tear, "what about her?"

"What about her? She's a stranger. We're doing this because it's our duty."

"But she's pretty, she knows how to read. She's beautiful and educated and refined and rich! What am I? I'm a grubby little servant."

"You're the one I love. You're the one I choose."

"Then prove it."

"How?"

She thinks for a moment before turning to him. "Run away with me. Don't marry her. We can take some of your family heirlooms and run to some estate or something in a faraway kingdom. We can start our own family and forget all of this."

Jin's silent at that, simply staring at her in the dark.

Her face crumples. "Oh, I knew it. You want me to just act as... as some concubine! To be-"

"Let's do it."

"...What?"

"I'm serious. We can run away. We'll have to come up with a plan, but let's do it."

"You really mean that?" she asks softly.

"I do," he says, cradling her face in his, giving her small pecks all over her face. "I choose you. I choose you over a kingdom, over a crown, over a princess. That's how much you mean to me. I'll always choose you."

With that, you walk away.

You had to come up with a plan.

-

"Prince Seokjin, darling," you greet, a fake smile plastered on your face as you waltz your way over to him.

He was busy smelling different flowers that were offered, the maids before him beaming and urging him to pick their own, as though it would indicate he was truly choosing one of them. Once he heard your call, though, he turned, beaming at you with that brilliant smile of his.

"Princess Y/N! You look radiant as always," he says, your hand coming up in a familiar motion as he lets his plump lips press against it.

He's a marvelous actor, you think to yourself. You supposed he had plenty of practice. There was no way his parents would tolerate him being in love with a mere servant girl- he had to have snuck her around his own palace for years.

"How's the wedding planning going?"

"I think I've gone nose blind. It appears I cannot distinguish between even roses and tulips!"

You smile at that. "Why, you must truly be going mad."

"Oh, not at all. I find it a good pastime, actually. Feels easier to plan a wedding than to plan a war."

"Well, we can only pray we won't be entering one of those in our lifetimes," you muse.

"Gift for the grandkids, I reckon," he winks.

You can't help but chuckle at that. "I, too, have found myself invested in the planning. I was going to ask you what color dress you'd like me to wear. It's approaching so soon- the seamstresses are getting anxious for my decision. The dress appears to be the most difficult of all, though."

"I do think the color silver suits you. Iridescent, like the moon," he says.

Ah yes, his lover was the sun, outshining you always as you hung in the background, always there and always leering, only visible to him when she was away. You were sure, however, that she thought the same about you. The truth was, however, that she was Juliet and you were Rosaline.

"Sounds perfect. I'll notify them immediately."

"Best to hurry the wedding along. Seems the sooner in approaches the more hectic the castle gets. Everyone's so busy, they have hardly any time to even pay attention to the bride and groom," he notes.

Clever. With how busy everyone was, no one would notice his disappearance. By the time someone did, he and the servant girl would be far gone.

"I truly cannot wait to get married," you beam.

"As am I, dear," he smiles.

"Might we take a break from these busybodies and take a walk around the quarters? I still have much to learn about my future husband," you say.

He offers his arm, which you link your own around. "But of course! Perhaps along the way, I'll regain my sense of smell."

The two of you depart, slowly trickling out of the crowds, out of ballrooms and hallways and into passageways. All of the servants were too busy to know where you were, or to occupy these small spaces. It was the perfect place to whisper into each other's ears without the worry of being overheard. Whether those whispers were sweet nothings or secrets, no one would know.

It wasn't until you were sure no one was near that you unlinked your arm from his, your false, cheery demeanor dropping immediately.

"So, tell me about your lover, Jinnie."

The prince freezes in his tracks, stunned. He raises his hand, opening his mouth to say something, but you're quick.

"Don't make another move."

You lift your skirt, the hem reaching to your waist as you bunch up the fabric, revealing the knife strapped to your thigh.

Seokjin gulps, taking a step back. "Do you always carry a knife on you, Your Highness?"

"Not always," you admit. "Only when I'm alone with a man. A lady like myself should know better than to be in closed quarters with one and engaged or not, you're a stranger. I don't know what your reaction will be to knowing your secret is revealed."

"How much do you know?"

"Enough. She's a servant girl from your palace, one you grew up with. You love her, and she loves you. The two of you plan to run away together. Am I incorrect?"

"Not in the slightest," he says, shaking his head. "I truly got the brightest bride, didn't I?"

"Enough with the flattery, Seokjin. We can cut the bullshit with each other now," you say bluntly.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Princess. I promise you that." He raises his hands in surrender. "Secret or not, I wouldn't dare lay a hand on a lady."

You look at him skeptically, quirking a brow, your hand hovering over the knife. "Why should I believe a word you say?"

"I'm simply a man in love, who wants the freedom to love. Is that such a crime?"

"It is, and you know what the consequences are," you remind him. Still, you release the fabric, letting the skirt flow back down to cover your legs. "Surely you know the danger there is. It would cost both of you your heads- hers, at the very least."

"So what? Are you going to turn us in?" He still holds his hands up, searching your eyes, trying to find answers. "Are you scorned to know you never stood a chance? That I wasn't the faithful prince you dreamt of?"

"Once you leave I'll be humiliated. I've been groomed for perfection, to marry the best. So when the best runs away, it'll only be presumed that I'm not perfect enough. Shame will be cast on my family and kingdom, and I'll be forced to marry another. It might not even be one of your brothers, and perhaps our kingdoms will war against one another."

Seokjin hangs his head. "You'd have every right to turn me in."

"There would still be shame, perhaps even more. To know I was replaced by a servant girl- there'd be public outrage. The Cinderella concept doesn't work as well in real life as one might think."

"So what're you going to do? Kill me here before anyone finds out? Cover it up and frame it as something else and carry on the wedding with one of my brothers?" Seokjin's eyes harden as he clenches his jaw. "You can do whatever you wish with me, as long as you promise me she stays out of it. I want her safe and happy. You can send her far from this kingdom if you so wish, but I want her safe. Do that, and even if you kill me I'll die a happy man."

"Don't be barbaric," you say, huffing. "I'm going to help you."

The prince's eyes widen in shock, and he sputters, lowering his arms. "Wait- wait, what?"

You finally let out a genuine smile, amused by his reaction. "I'm going to help you two escape, my dear Prince."

"I- thank you so much- but why?"

"You two are going to need help. All of the known exits are going to be blocked by guards- an effort to prevent incoming assassins from crashing the wedding. This is my palace, not yours. I'm not sure how things run in your kingdom, but our security is top-notch. You'd never stand a chance, even now. And I'm not doing this to save just my own reputation, mind you. I find you charming, handsome, and a suitable husband. I could see myself falling in love with you, Prince Seokjin."

"Then why do you wish to let me run away with another?"

"Because I refuse to be the evil queen who prevents love from blooming. You deserve the freedom to love. You found the real thing- who am I to stop you? You'd be unhappy as my husband, and so would your lover. They say, happy wife, happy life, but what about the other way around?"

"You're truly doing this out of the goodness of your heart?"

"Not quite. As with all things, there's a catch," you admit.

"Name your price. I'll do whatever you wish," he promises.

You hold up your hand, silencing him. "Hear my conditions before you make any promises, Prince. Surely even you should know negotiation tactics. First and foremost, you'd still have to go through with the wedding and coronation. We still need our kingdoms joined, and the title will grant me far more power than I would have as a princess. I'd rather not wait until the next wedding to gain the crown. It'll make your escape run much smoother, which we'll start after all is said and done. Soonest we can do is about three months after the wedding and coronation when all of the guests are gone and things have simmered down. We'll need to prepare food, money, carriage, and living arrangements in the meantime to prepare for the escape."

"I can understand that much. I'm sure that'll be fine," he says.

"That's not quite the catch, though. I'm not sure your lover will be too fond of this one, either," you tell him. "There's another reason we'll have to wait until three months for you two to leave. It'll take at least that long for me to find out if I'm pregnant."

The prince's eyes widen comically at that. "Pregnant?"

You nod firmly. "Once you two have escaped, saying either you ran away or faking your death, they can always cancel the alliance or marry me to another. With a baby, however, the kingdoms would still remain permanently joined, and I won't be forced to marry another, on account that I'll no longer be a virgin. My main purpose anyway is to raise an heir, so this will give me at least 18 years to rule until they're of age. There would be no need for a king so long as I do the job myself. I also refuse to let rumors run amok about my baby being a bastard, for that matter. Once I show signs of pregnancy, it'll be your indicator to leave."

"So you mainly need me to knock you up?" Seokjin questioned. "Make sure it's me?"

"I have no doubt the baby will grow to be as beautiful as you, Seokjin. Genes like that don't just skip a generation," you say, trying to lighten the mood. "As I said, those are my conditions. They are non-negotiable. Unless you wish to continue sneaking your lover around for, perhaps, the next 18 years. And considering the fact I had simply stumbled upon one of your trysts during the night, I'd say you're lucky you haven't gotten caught sooner. I suggest you talk to her about the conditions and gain her approval."

"She'll agree, even at the price. Neither of us will be necessarily thrilled about the ordeal, but it's well worth it." Seokjin laughs for a moment. "You're a beautiful princess, anyway."

"And you're alright with everything? You do realize that we'd have to consummate our marriage several times to increase the likelihood of pregnancy."

"I'm well aware."

"And you'll be alright with abandoning your child?"

Seokjin's quiet at that.

"Perhaps I'll sneak in a visit once or twice," he says quietly. "Should a kid really be without a father?"

"They'll have to be," you say. "I'll raise them splendidly, though. I'll give them father figures to spare. And maybe I'll let them visit a quiet manor once in a while to visit a lord and a lady, perhaps faraway cousins. And maybe, just maybe, they'll look into your eyes and see their own. Maybe they'll even think of you as the father they never had."

Seokjin's eyes soften as he looks at you. "You're a far better person than I am, Princess."

You smile weakly, reaching forward to brush your fingers against his cheek. "I know."

You slip away, gliding at a familiar pace already, but stop. You turn your head to the side to look at him. "Tell them roses are overrated and to try and get something periwinkle. I think the color will compliment my dress."

-

It was the eve of the wedding, and anxiety was starting to overtake you. Why were you nervous? You had planned everything out. It wasn't like you'd even have to commit to the man, dreading a life with him. The concept of you having cold feet would be utterly ridiculous.

You were in the middle of a relaxation period, one maid combing your hair and another massaging your shoulders when there was a knock at your door.

"Come in," you call, not bothering to look their way.

Surprisingly, you see Prince Seokjin with his lover, though she stands demurely behind him, head bowed the same as any other maid.

"Why, my betrothed, what a surprise," you say, smiling to him. "You're lucky I wasn't trying on my wedding dress."

"Never took you as the superstitious type, darling," he chuckled, nodding to his lover to close the door behind him.

You turn to your own maids, waving your hand. "You're dismissed. I wish to speak to my fiancé. You needn't worry about us partaking in wedding night shenanigans- I'll make sure his maid is present. I'm sure neither of us will have trouble refraining ourselves from tomfoolery."

The maids bow deeply, quickly departing from the room.

You turn to the couple, a warm smile on your face. "Getting cold feet, Seokjin?"

"Not at all- simply pre-wedding jitters," he assures you.

You look over to the maid, stepping closer. You tried to keep your interactions with her scarce- the less you knew of her the better. Still, you tilted her chin up with your hand, urging her to stop staring at her feet and instead into your eyes. "And you? You're still alright with the arrangements?"

It had come to no surprise that she had agreed to your conditions, despite the fact she was unsettled with some of the standards. Still, she was compliant.

"I am, Princess," she confirms. "It's a happy compromise."

"If only lords had that wisdom," you muse to yourself. You clap your hands, remembering something. "Speaking of! Your manor is almost done. It'll take two months to complete, so by the time your murder or departure is announced, whichever you choose, you'll have a home all ready."

"Are you sure three months will be enough time for them to believe you hadn't murdered me for power?" the prince questions.

"That is a good concern, but I don't think there'll be any turn about. No matter how much time passes, there will be rumors. The most we can do is act as in love as possible during your stay here. An endless honeymoon phase."

"I've heard some of the other servants gossip already about how the love is legitimate," his lover mentions. "They say it's something straight out of a fairytale."

"At least we know we're on the right track," you confirm. "So are we confirming it'll be a murder?"

"Less shame. It'll be cleaner that way. I may be leaving my family, but I know they'd grieve more over their own misfortune than my death. This will have the least amount of casualties," he answers.

"And we can claim that she was the one who killed you, perhaps? It would explain her disappearance as well."

"How will we stage the fake death, then?" Seokjin ponders over it. "We've been thinking about it for days now, and I can't come up with anything."

"That's why I'm the planner in this relationship, my Prince," you chortle. "Type A, remember? I've been thinking about it as well. I was thinking we could go hunting, perhaps a game of chase. We can bring a few servants, and I'll separate with you two momentarily. By the time my own ladies in waiting catch up with me, I'll be mourning, claiming that the maid that had come along with you pushed you into a rushing river, sweeping your body away and that she had run away. I'd most likely have to get a cut or two to make it seem as though I was also attacked. While the rest are looking for either Seokjin's body or the murderess, you two will be departing in a nearby carriage, where new clothes, food, and whatever else you'll need for the journey will be provided."

"You're brilliant!" Seokjin exclaims, giving you a peck on the cheek.

His lover's eyes brim with tears, and in a rush of emotion, embraces you, her arms wrapping around you as she pulls you close. "Thank you, Your Highness. You're a blessing to us, and you'll be a blessing to the people. We owe you our lives."

"Well, it'll be in exchange for a new one," you remind her, stiff as you were unfamiliar with the feeling of a hug. "Need I remind you we'll begin tomorrow?"

She stiffens as well at the reminder, releasing you. "Oh... yes..."

"And you're still on board?"

"It must be done. It's a small price to pay."

Was it though? It was a child.

You compose yourself, smoothing your hands over your clothes to get rid of wrinkles. "Well, I suppose I must get ready for bed. We have a long day ahead of ourselves, don't we?"

"Indeed. Tomorrow we'll be husband and wife," Seokjin says.

"We'll be king and queen," you add.

"And in three months we'll be gone," the maid whispers lowly.

-

Your dress was truly enchanting, an iridescent glow keeping all eyes on you as you walked down the aisle. It had a long train and high neck with a low back, all of it shimmering with every move you made. The veil you wore concealed your face, though beneath you wore golden lids and a tint that made your lips look like flower petals. One arm was linked with your father's, the King, and the other held a bouquet of periwinkles.

Any whispers or talks were immediately quiet, a shush amongst the people as you approached the altar, the oh so handsome prince waiting eagerly. You kept in beat with the tune the musicians played, hoping the song would be enough to mask the sound of your racing heart.

You reached the altar sooner than you would've hoped, and soon your father placed your hand in Seokjin's. The two of you interlocked fingers, giving one another a familiar, anxious smile before turning to the minister.

You could feel Seokjin's pulse through his hand, and you were sure he could do the same. You wondered if either of you were even listening as the minister questioned him about if he intended to stay true to you, caring for you in sickness and in health, as well as serve the kingdom as the new ruler. He asked you the same, and you were all too eager to answer "I do!" to every question he threw at you, though you knew you had no intention of keeping true to the promises made in regards to your husband.

The first to be crowned was Seokjin, a velvet cape being draped over his shoulders and a golden scepter in his free hand. A golden crown was placed upon his perfectly combed hair, fitting perfectly. You felt your heart race impossibly faster once it was your turn, a lighter cape being placed upon your shoulders. You couldn't help but shudder at the feeling of the crown on your head, a silver one to remind the people that though you were Queen, the King came first. It was beautiful, though, silver and littered with diamonds and emeralds.

"I now present to you, for the very first time, your King and Queen! You may now kiss the bride!"

Funny, that you were about to kiss Seokjin for the first time when tonight you'd be doing a lot more. You didn't think to ask before, considering it disrespectful to his relationship, but now you regret it.

Seokjin lifts your veil to reveal your face to both him and the public. You blink up at him expectantly, eyes trained on the plush, parted lips.

"You look beautiful," he says beneath his breath.

Hurry up and lay one on me.

As though reading your mind, he presses his lips against your own. They're softer than you dreamt of, enveloping yours, his mouth firm against your own. Your own lashes flutter shut as you pull him slightly closer, your hand coming up to his face to cradle his cheek.

The two of you break apart, gleeful smiles on your faces, almost as though you had gotten the hardest part over with.

But that was yet to come.

-

You look over to your husband, the two of you sitting on the lavish, silk sheets, neither of you moving. You weren't sure what was preventing you from taking action. After all, virginity was truly, at its core, a concept. You were a woman who liked to take charge and had more than enough confidence in herself and her capabilities.

The room had been set up as one would expect- candles, petals, chocolates. You had eaten three pieces already.

What was the hold-up?

You turn to Seokjin, taking in a deep breath as you finally made the first move, slowly removing your clothes. His eyes raked down your figure, Adam's apple bobbing up and down the column of his throat, seeing you in your unmentionables, your impeccable clothes now discarded to the floor.

"Do you like it?" you question, combing your fingers through your hair in an attempt to loosen it up.

"I..." He licks his lips. "I do. I like it a lot."

"I'm glad." You inch closer to him, reaching for his hand and pressing it against your cheek, slowly getting on top of him. "You know, I won't get pregnant if you can't touch me."

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm not usually like this. It's just been a while since I've been with anyone else. It's new... like... fresh, I suppose," he explained.

"If it helps, you can simply think of it as a transaction. Simply business. No offense to you, but I don't expect much. Or you can simply think of her in my place," you offer.

"No, that'd be unfair to you. I want to make you feel good, really," he says. As though mustering up the courage, he finally leans in, pressing his lips to yours. The kiss is tender, sweet. It's slow and builds up, letting you two take your time at a leisure pace, knowing you didn't have to rush.

He breaks the kiss apart. "Also, I still take offense to the 'not expecting much'. I don't know what other guys you've been with, but I've been told I'm rather generous."

You couldn't help but snort at that. "Oh, please. I hope the baby doesn't inherit your cockiness."

He rolls his eyes, kissing you again, this time more firm as he begins to run his hands over your body. You're tense, but welcome the touch, the foreign sensation of having someone else's hands on you filling you with adrenaline. His hands squeeze your breasts, removing more garments from you before rolling the nipples beneath his thumbs, humming into your mouth as he felt them harden at his touch.

You find yourself enjoying the sensation, drawing him closer as he breaks the kiss apart, mouth on your breasts to simulate the hardened buds. You tilt your head back, concentrated on the feeling of his mouth against your hot skin, his hands along your back as he tried to push you further against his mouth.

Once he's done he pulls back, making you yelp in alarm as he flips you over onto the bed. "Fun fact, I prefer to be on top," he grins, causing you to swat him in the chest.

"Less talking and more doing. Take your clothes off too- it's weird if I'm the only one who's naked."

He complies, obviously having no sense of insecurity as he yanks his shirt over his head, pulling his pants down until he was only in his underwear. You couldn't help but let your eyes linger on his body, admiring the broad shoulders and smooth skin. You only tore your eyes away when you caught sight of the typical cocky smirk.

"Like what you see, Princess?"

"That's Queen to you."

"My mistake," he chuckles, spreading your legs apart before removing the last undergarment, leaving you completely bare before him. He settles between your legs, large hands spread against your thighs as he slowly inches them apart, revealing your wet heat.

"Wait," you said, suddenly nervous.

"What is it? Did I do something wrong?" he questioned, hands immediately off of you.

"No, no, you did nothing wrong. I just..." You took in a deep breath. "You should know that I've never... done anything with anyone before. This is my first time."

He pauses at that, soaking in the information. "You're a virgin?"

"I... Yeah."

"Really? I wouldn't have guessed from how you were climbing me like a tree back there."

You flush red, smacking him in the chest again as he laughs. "I did not, you buffoon!"

"I'm joking, I'm joking! Still, you have more confidence than most. I would've assumed you weren't."

"Just because I'm a virgin doesn't mean I'm completely 'innocent' and devoid of confidence and sexuality. Virginity is closer to a social construct and doesn't dictate purity in the slightest, but is instead a prudish and sexist concept that is meant to determine a woman's worth and a man's masculinity."

"I agree with that, trust me. You have a point," Seokjin admits.

"So... You're ok with me being a virgin? You being my first, I mean?"

"Are you kidding? It's... You're going to think I'm weird."

"Spit it out, already."

"Well, not going to lie, but it's really fucking hot."

"You're joking."

"I'm not!" Hesitantly, he takes your hand, pressing it against his clothed dick. You gasped in surprise, the erection far bigger than you had suspected it to be. He whimpers slightly at your touch as you press your palm down a bit harder, rubbing your hand against it.

"Why does me being a virgin turn you on so much?" you asked him, curious.

"I don't know. I guess it's the thought that you trust me enough to be your first? That I'll be the first man ever to do anything to you, with you. I'll be the first inside you." You felt his dick twitch under your palm at that. "I know you went on that whole shpeal about how it's a construct and doesn't determine your purity, but it really does make it feel like I'm going to corrupt me."

"Funny how your first time corrupting me is going to also knock me up."

Another twitch.

"You're going to make me cum in my underwear if you keep talking like that," he hissed. "We haven't even gotten to the fun part, yet."

"Alright, stick it in me then."

"No!" Seokjin swatted your hand away. "I've got to prepare you first so that it doesn't hurt. Especially considering the fact that you're a virgin. I'll be gentle of course, but it'll go a lot easier if you're wet."

"I'm already wet."

"Just trust me on this, ok? Spread your legs for me."

You couldn't help but shudder at his words, obeying his command as you reveal once again your core, hearing him let out a sharp hiss.

"You look really good like this," he says, licking his lips as he slowly descends down your body. "I'm the luckiest husband in the world."

"Does that mouth ever stop- ohh."

His mouth licked a stripe up your slit, hands pressed against your inner thighs as you attempted to cage him in. He let his tongue run over your folds, tasting what you had to offer before giving you a gentle suck on your clit, feeling your thighs already quiver at the action. He grins, coming back up. "What were you saying about my mouth?"

"Shut up and get to it."

He doesn't need any further instruction, proceeding as he eats you out, alternating between tasting you straight at the source and making your stomach twist with sharp sucks against your clit. He took his time, meticulous, french kissing your cunt with skill. He took the time to try and learn what you liked and didn't like, your moans getting louder when he paid more attention to your clit, and small whimpers emitting from your mouth when he proceeded to tongue fuck you.

Slowly he let one of his hands slide off your thigh, a digit circling your entrance before slipping in easily, the copious arousal preventing friction. Your body jerked slightly when he curled it, searching for your g-spot. When he found it you were letting out breathy gasps, fingers coming to his hair to push him further into you. As always, he complied, repeatedly curling his fingers as he ate you out, moaning into your head to send vibrations throughout your core.

"Oh my God, Seokjin, fuck."

"Mm?"

"More, please," you moaned, screwing your eyes shut as you focused on the pleasure.

"More what?"

"More fingers. Want you to fill me."

"That mouth is fucking dangerous," he growled. Slowly he inched in the second digit, your walls accommodating them as he scissored your cunt, stretching you out. It wasn't long before you could handle a third, his thick fingers providing a pleasurable burn you couldn't help but crave.

An odd feeling was brought up in the pit of your stomach, and you pulled harder at Seokjin's hair, heels digging into his back.

"I-I'm going- fuck, I-"

"That's right, cum for me," he growled, words muffled by your wet heat.

You felt it sooner than you could process it, an orgasm washing throughout your body in a wave of euphoria. It was better than even literature could describe, and despite how much you read and wondered about the real thing, even experimenting with yourself, it was nothing compared to the real thing.

Your breathing was hard, panting for air as he came back up. The visual stimulus of his handsome face smeared with your juices, his reward for eating you out as though you were his last meal on death row.

"How're you holding up, Your Majesty?" he chuckled, proud of himself. "I don't think you lasted even eight minutes."

You weren't in the mood to counter his gloating, instead reaching for his underwear, shucking them to the floor. He let out a gasp of surprise as you unapologetically wrapped your hand around his length, slowly pumping him.

"Fuck, you're so big," you said, mouth agape in awe. You were unsure if it was because you simply had no other frame of reference to compare him to or because he really was that big, but something told you that the sweet spots he'd be able to reach and the pleasurable stretch would be worth it. "Want you inside me."

"Yeah? Want me to give you a baby?" He groaned, bucking his hips as your hand continued to pump his length. "Tighter, just like that. Oh, fuck."

"Want you to fill me up with this big cock. Want you to fill me up with cum." Your mouth didn't seem to have a filter, your thoughts bubbling to the surface. You were cock drunk, it seemed, focused more on it than your own dignity. Oh, what your etiquette teachers would think if they saw you now.

"I'm ready," he said, removing your hand. "I don't want to blow my load too early. Want to cum inside you."

You laid back down, letting him climb on top of you, the head circling your entrance.

"I'm gonna go slow. Just tell me if it hurts, ok?" He seemed so sincere, staring into your eyes as though he was truly concerned he'd harm you.

You simply bucked your hips up against him, urging him closer. "I'll be ok."

He slowly pushes in, and you bite your lip, toes curling as he sinks the head in, the thickest part. You can already feel a bit of a burn as your walls stretched around to accommodate him. He studied your reaction, making sure you were alright before sinking in, slowly as he went inch by inch. You savored each second, eyes screwed shut as you toss your head back, lip caught between your teeth.

With each grimace or wince you gave, Seokjin placed a kiss on your forehead, assuring you that you'd be alright and that the pain would be over soon. You simply tried to concentrate on his voice, how low and oddly soothing it was.

It wasn't until he was balls deep in you, bottoming out, that you truly processed it. You were no longer a virgin, from this moment forward. Society saw you as tainted, taken, and impure.

And you loved it.

Seokjin buried his head in your shoulder, biting down as he tried to refrain from moving. "You're- fuck, you're tighter than I expected. I should've prepared you more. You feel so good."

Your pussy clenched around him at that, only making his arms buckle slightly above you.

"Move."

"You sure?" he questions.

You nod. "Yeah, I'm alright. Go."

He's slow, rocking his hips back and forth, the movements shallow. You couldn't help but watch where your bodies were connected, fascination evident in your eyes. There was a subtle pain, but not as much as you were expecting, and once it subsided you began to feel good. Before you knew it the two of you were moaning, his thrusts deeper and less careful, his more animalistic side creeping in to replace the sweet, tender lover.

You whimpered, nails digging into his back, raking down. He let out a hiss above you, gritting his teeth, though he showed no complaints. If you had drawn blood, he seemed to only let it fuel him further.

"G-Gonna fill me up? Get me pregnant?" you stammered, eyes rolling back. "Give me your baby?"

"Fuck, yeah, gonna make sure this tight pussy gets filled."

"You l-like fucking a virgin's cunt?"

"Feels like heaven," he grunted. "My dirty little virgin."

"You're so deep in me." You looked down, noticing the movement of his cock inside of you, evident at the pit of your belly.

"Gotta reach the womb," he explained. "Gotta fill it up with cum so a baby grows there."

"Want you to cum in me. Knock me up," you say, pleading. "Let me have it."

He groans, his pace getting sloppy. You could feel it- he was close. Still, he slithered a hand between the two of you, toying with your clit, sending sparks through your body. "Want you to cum with me. I won't give you my cum unless you cum first."

With how many places he could reach inside of you, hitting spots inside of you that you didn't even know existed, plus the stimulation of your clit, it didn't take long for you to do just that. As soon as Seokjin saw your eyes rolling back and felt your pussy repeatedly spasming and clenching over his cock, he became undone, making sure to bottom out inside of you and fill you up to the brink.

The two of you panted heavily, and it wasn't until he was milked of every drop that he rolled over and off of you, collapsing at your side. He snuggled against your side, however, kissing the side of your neck as he let his hand travel back down to your heat.

You cringed at the overstimulation, curling in on yourself. "Seokjin-"

"Shh, gotta make sure all my cum stays inside you," he says, voice soft as he murmurs against your skin. You tolerate the way his palm rubs against your clit as he pushes any trickling cum back inside of you with his fingers, sure to not let any drop go to waste.

He brings his hand back up, the digits glistening with both of your juices. "Suck."

You obey, mouth wrapping around it as you clean him off.

He smiled at that, letting his fingers escape your mouth with a lewd pop. "What a perfect, dirty little wife I have."

"What an idiot I've got for a husband."

-

Routine seemed to be your best friend.

You'd wake up in the morning with Seokjin at your side, the two of you getting ready for the day. You'd share breakfast together and go over paperwork and laws, planning negotiations. You typically did it, running the show, as most of your ideas seemed to be far more fleshed out than his. Between hours of work you'd have free time, Seokjin seeing his lover and you spending your time relaxing, often getting your hands massaged to ache the cramps in your hands from all of the writing. You'd typically go to bed alone, on the nights Seokjin didn't fuck you, but somehow he was always there when you woke up, snuggling by your side.

You couldn't help but feel a warm tenderness for your husband, enjoying the breakfast you spent with just him. Lunches were typically during free time, so he'd have his own hidden away, and dinners were with lords and ladies discussing what they thought ought to be done. (Most wanted to trample over one another to gain power, not even thinking about those who resided on their land. Countesses were vermin, in your opinion.)

You knew you were supposed to see Seokjin only in an analytical, logical light. A professional relationship. Perhaps it was how you shared the same bed, or how sweet he'd be at times. You felt yourself falling, however, before you knew it. Your parents would often note how happy you seemed together, pleased by how genuine your affection was for one another.

And he couldn't deny it either.

You stood before the mirror, trying to see whether or not you were showing yet. You weren't even three months in, but you were eager, wondering when you'd see the little bump. Soon enough you'd be inflated like a balloon, your feet swollen and back aching. Soon enough you'd feel tiny kicks and be picking out names.

Seokjin smiled, coming up behind you to wrap his arms around you, his own hands over yours as he pressed them a lightly against your stomach. "Feel anything yet?"

"No," you frowned. "I can't even tell."

"Maybe you just ate too much at dinner, sweetheart. I'm pretty sure I can feel a food baby right here." He presses your stomach for emphasis, and you swat him playfully, rolling your eyes.

"Like you're one to talk. Eat any more turkey and I'll start thinking you're the one who'll be eating for two."

You stare at the two of you in the mirror, his chin resting on your shoulder as you gazed at each other. This was nice. It felt so oddly domestic, as though you two were truly raising a baby together out of love and not necessity.

"I wish we could be like this all the time," he admitted, his voice soft. "I like this routine. I'm happy."

"I like this too," you admit to yourself. "It feels right."

"Doesn't it?" His mood dips a bit, his eyes sad. "Do you want me to at least stay long enough to help you through the baby? I don't like the thought of you having to deal with the pregnancy all on your own."

"Next thing you know you'll be saying you don't want me to give birth alone, or raising a child on my own."

"Maybe..." He lowers his eyes, pressing your back closer to his chest. "Are you happy like this?"

"I think I'm happier than I ever have been."

"Then why do we have to stop? Why can't we live every day like this?"

You knew what he was trying to say. Words he couldn't dare say out loud, for all of your sakes. You wanted to say it too.

I love you.

"You know why. You made a promise. We both did," you remind him, not wanting to humor him. "It wouldn't be fair to her, now would it? She isn't happy."

"She's eager. She doesn't see the attachment or the fear about the baby. It's all just going to plan," he explains.

"It is. I don't blame her. You know what they say- a woman becomes a mother as soon as she gets the news, and a man becomes a father as soon as he sees the baby."

"I don't want to be that kind of man, though. I'm a father."

"Seokjin, we don't even know if I'm pregnant yet."

"I know," he says. "I can feel it in my gut."

"I'm sure you can," you smile, chuckling softly. You stare at yourself in the mirror, hand running over your stomach once again, searching. "What should we name it?"

"Seokjin Jr. if it's a boy, of course."

Oddly enough you didn't object. "And if it's a girl?"

"I was thinking about that the other day. Unfortunately, I couldn't come up with a name related to periwinkles."

"Periwinkles?"

"Remember? It was the color you really liked, the kind of flowers you chose for your bouquet at our wedding."

"I'm surprised you remember," you say. "I was thinking something similar, in a sense. Selene."

"Selene? What does that have to do with periwinkles?"

"Not periwinkles. The moon. Like how you wanted my wedding dress to be silver? Silver as the moon. Selene was the goddess of the moon, at least in Greek mythology."

"I like the name." He laughs a little to himself. "Either way it's an S name. Seokjin Jr. or Selene."

"I didn't say it'd be Seokjin Jr.!"

"You didn't object!"

"I hope for your sake we have a girl, then."

"I'd love a little girl." Seokjin's eyes literally light up at the prospect. "She could have my lips and your eyes and little pigtails! Oh, could you imagine all the fancy little dresses she'd run around in? All of them periwinkle, of course!"

"You're obsessed with that color, aren't you?"

"What can I say, it reminds me of you."

Your smile is a sad one, and you squeeze your hand around his, looking down from your reflection. "You'd be a good father. You will be. I'll be sure to send our child over as often as I can."

There's a silence between you two, and you feel yourself start to tear up, your eyes getting glassy.

There's a lump in your throat as you slightly choke on your own words. "Is it bad I don't want you to leave?"

"No. I don't want to leave either."

"But you will, right?"

"You made a point- we both made promises. I can't keep her in this suffocating castle for much longer."

"Suffocating?"

"For her. It can't be easy to constantly hear about the one she loves being with another. She was first and... I still love her."

"I know."

"I don't want to leave you..."

"I know."

"...but you know I have to."

"...I know."

Another pause settles between you two, and you offer a weak smile, squeezing his hand again as you lock eyes in the reflection, small tears at the corners of your eyes. You reach back, caressing his cheek softly. "Let's enjoy the time we have left. Stress can't be good for the baby."

-

Morning sickness was a bitch.

It had been three days, in the middle of your third month, when it was confirmed you were pregnant. You had suspected, of course, with the sickness, but it could also be a bad case of the flu. The doctor assured otherwise.

When you told Seokjin he had a different reaction from you, leaping for joy and twirling you in the air. "I'm going to be a father! Can you believe it? Me!"

You smiled as brightly as you could, kissing him on the mouth with as much emotion as you could muster. You wanted to convey how much you truly did love him, and why today was the day you were letting him go.

He didn't have long to celebrate, as soon enough you had called upon his lover for a secret meeting, the three of you discussing plans.

"As I'm sure you're aware by now, I'm pregnant," you tell her, your voice soft.

"Congratulations, Your Majesty," she says, her tone wary, as though she was unsure of your next lines. It couldn't be easy for her, you knew, to know that you were carrying the proof of his trysts with you. "I'm sure you're pleased."

"I am. Everything's going according to plan," you nod. "Which is why the two of you must leave today."

Seokjin stands upright, shocked. "Today?"

"Yes. Today." You made eye contact with the woman, and she meets it for once, knowing exactly what you meant. If Seokjin stayed here much longer, with his excitement and absolute joy, he'd never want to leave. And all three of you knew it'd be best for him to be removed from the situation as soon as possible now that their end of the deal was complete.

"I've got a game on horseback scheduled already. Some of the ladies in waiting will be with me. You two will go off to the river- the one we planned for. Let one of the horses go free and escape to the hidden carriage. I've got everything set up, and the two of you will have to disguise yourselves. Remember, rub dirt on Seokjin's face and powder your own. You're a countess traveling back home with your favorite footman. The driver won't ask any questions and knows the way. I'll fix up the rest within ten minutes. Remember to leave Seokjin's horse by the riverside."

Of course, the three of you had practiced on multiple occasions, knowing exactly where the river was, where the carriage would be, and where to let the horse go. It didn't even feel real yet, and you were going to be doing it in but a few hours.

"But-"

"No buts, Seokjin. I'm pregnant. We don't have time to waste." You can't even meet him in the eye. "I'll get changed to prepare for the game, and I suggest you two do as well."

The maid nods, leaving the room to get ready. Seokjin is left staring at you.

"This is the last time I'm ever going to see you again, isn't it?"

"Seokjin, we both know you can't stay here much longer. We did what we had to do. It's time for what you were wanting in the beginning."

"Things are different now-"

"The plan is completed now," you finish. "We prepared for this."

His face crumples, and he looks like he's about to cry, holding back tears. He holds your hands, squeezing them as though through an act of desperation. "Y/N..."

"Seokjin." You can't even look at him. You know that if you do, you'll cry too.

"It's too quick. Give me a day or-"

"Seokjin," you interrupt. He's quiet, knowing that nothing he could do or say would change anything. You were stubborn, as was his lover. He had a type. This wasn't a battle he could win, and ultimately he knew that he had no other choice.

"I love you," he says in a sudden act of declaration. "I love her too, and I'll go with her. I just wanted you to know before I left."

You feel tears slip down your cheeks, your hands limp in his. You don't want to respond, knowing your voice will crack and get shaky if you even attempted to.

"Do... Do you feel the same?"

There's a lump in your throat that makes it hard for you to speak coherently. "You already know the answer to that."

"I want to hear you say it."

"I do." You look at him, staring him in the eye to let him know you truly, sincerely mean it. "I really, really love you. And that's why I'm letting you go."

He closes his eyes, tears clinging to his lashes as he kissed your forehead, pressing his own against it, the two of you just listening to each other's breathing for that small, intimate moment. "I know," he whispers.

Those were the last words you ever heard from Kim Seokjin.

-

"My Queen, might I say I'm surprised you want to celebrate your pregnancy with a game tonight," one of your ladies say. "Wouldn't you rather be laying down or hosting a party, rather than catching foxes?"

"Oh, well, you know how the King is. Something about catching some impressive game- promises a healthy boy- oh, I don't know. It's a tradition in his kingdom."

"You truly love him, don't you, Your Majesty?" one of the other questions, admiration in her tone. She seemed to be rather the romantic. You could remember when you were like that, once. "If you pardon me for asking."

"I do," you admit, your voice soft. "I couldn't have asked for a better husband."

"Speaking of him, where has he been? He and his maid have been up ahead for a while, now," the first questions. She pulls on the reigns, her horse stopping. "Do you suppose they've gotten lost?"

"I'm sure they haven't- but I'll go up ahead. Catch up with me later."

Before they can protest you speed up, making a beeline for the riverside. True enough, the only thing there was a horse.

They were long gone.

Your heart collapsed on itself, despite the fact you were expecting it. It made it finally feel real, knowing that you had now forever lost Seokjin. Your husband, your love, the father to your child, was long gone.

Only the harsh roars of the river drowned out your cry.

You sobbed, shaky as you got off your horse and approached Seokjin's, taking the saddle and retrieving the dagger. You add a cut or two to your shoulder and arm, making it draw blood but not deep enough to seriously injure yourself. Once the blade was messy enough you collapsed to the floor, overstruck with grief.

Your ladies in waiting find you curled in on yourself, immediately rushing to your aid, ripping the fabric of their dress to wrap around your injuries.

"T-The maid," you choke out, trying to remember your story, "s-she had killed Seokjin. Stabbed him and pushed him into the river. Sh-She came after me and I pushed back and she simply hopped on her horse and ran."

"My Queen, I'm-"

"He's dead!" You wailed, hands buried in your face. "He's gone. He's gone for good. I'll never see him again."

"We'll find the woman who killed him and see to it that she's put to death."

You only shook your head, rocking back and forth, overcome with grief. True, genuine anguish, but not the kind they could comprehend. With shaky legs, you stood back to your feet, your ladies attending to you and bringing you back to the castle, knowing the sad news would be a tragedy to the kingdom.

You clutched onto your stomach, the last piece you had left of him, and thought about how the father of your child was already on his way out to start a new life, with a new wife and perhaps a new family.

The two of you truly did love each other- and even now you didn't regret letting him go.

[bluesfortheredj]

Four Plus One.

A/N: Is that not the most corny title you’ve ever read in your life? So sorry I couldn’t think of anything better, but here’s a Four x Reader for you. Anyway, wishing you all a happy, healthy, and safe New Year! Lots of love x

It was no secret that two and three were fucking, especially with how obnoxiously loud they were when they did it, but things had changed recently between them both, and you noticed how the raw animalistic urges had given way to something that resembled what you could remember about love; the affectionate touches as they passed one another, the glances to check the other was okay, it all added up to something much deeper than just sex now.

“What are you thinking?” Four asks as he sits down with a huff next to you.

“Oh god, it’s him again,” you reply dryly as you continue to look straight ahead instead of at his mesmerising green orbs that drove you to distraction whenever you looked into them.

“Rude.”

“What else do you expect from me?” you scoff.

“Nothing less,” he chuckles, “that’s why I love ya. Like ya… It’s why I like you… I put up with you because I have to...”

“Right...”

Did he really just trip up on those words like that? He must be tired, drunk, or high right now.

“You high?” you ask, finally turning to face him.

“Stone cold sober, babe.”

“Well shit, you had a bang to the head?”

“Probably.”

“That’s alright then. Don’t want you getting mushy on me now.”

Mostly because you wouldn’t be able to resist if he came onto you, and you’d definitely get your heart broken because you’re all officially dead and dead people don’t date. That’s what you kept repeating to yourself anyway, especially when two and three were acting as if shit like this could work.

“As if,” Four sighs, “so, uh...”

“Better get prepping for this suicide mission, eh?” you say as you stand up wipe the dust from your clothes.

“It’s not a suicide mission.”

“Wanna bet?”

“Go on then. If we survive then I’m taking you to dinner and booking us a hotel for the night.”

“I’m not even gonna ask what the hotel room is for… You’ve got some strange shit going on in your head.”

“Yeah? You think I don’t see you watching two and three? You think I don’t see that terrified look in your eyes when you look at me because you feel exactly the same as I do about you? I see it, I see it all the time. Sometimes I just wish you’d stop acting like a heartless bitch when you clearly ain’t!”

“Fuck off Four.”

You walk away quickly with your fists clenched to try and stop the tears that are forming in your eyes at the fact that he’d just completely called you out on everything you’d worked so hard to hide, and as soon as you go into the next room you’re taking your anger out on the walls around you.

“So, Four’s confessed his undying love huh?” One questions when he enters the room after hearing the racket you were making.

“Fuck. Off.”

“Ohhh, shit, and you love him back! Fuck, I owe five and seven like a thousand dollars each now.”

“Don’t even-”

“Hey, listen, just calm down for a sec, yeah? It’s not the end of the world.”

“Feels like it.”

“You think loving someone is the end of the world? Damn, what happened to you when you were alive? Actually, don’t answer that, I couldn’t give less of a shit. Moral of the story is; you should let him make sweet love to you, it might actually put a smile on that sour face.”

“Such a great pep talk,” you say, rolling your eyes.

“It’s why I’m number one,” he grins before leaving.

Dickhead. Anyway, you had more important things to think about, like your role in tonight’s plan and memorising exactly where you needed to be on that yacht and when you needed to be there. Everyone was in the same sort of head space and only two and three were huddled together as they went over the plan. One made sure you each knew what you were doing then it was go time, and a heavy cloud of burden hung over all of you as you got into your places; quietly letting each other know when you were in position.

You listen for Four’s voice as everything kicks off with a literal bang and as you grip onto the nearest safe thing you can find while One does his magnet trick, you pray that Four is okay. Minutes tick by as you make your way around the outside of the deck, taking out people as you come across them, then finally you hear him as he boards the yacht, and sigh with relief at that familiar accent coming through into your ear. The others find their way inside the ship while you and Four distract those on the outer decks, but he soon gets overwhelmed without a proper weapon, and his calls for help turn quickly into pained groans.

“Where are you?” you shout back.

“I…” he’s cut off by a thump and another moan.

“Just one word, Four, give me one word!” you yell in desperation as you run aimlessly from one end of the boat to the other.

“Pool,” he exhales quietly, and you know you’re running out of time.

“You got him?” One asks.

“I’m on my way,” you reply as the blueprints of the vessel run quickly through your mind.

You run to the upper decks when finally you come across two men attacking someone on the ground; their arm clearly broken from the angle it was laying at.

“Got him,” you say as your finger squeezes the trigger of your gun.

“Is he alive?” One responds.

“He’s… Yes… Just about...” you reply.

You’re on your knees next to him, the bright green of his eyes now a dull and murky shade after almost having the life beaten out of him, and you cradle his head gently whilst trying to avoid looking at his broken arm that lay limp at his side.

“It’s okay,” you whisper as you brush his hair back to comfort him as tears begin to sting your eyes.

“(Y/N)-”

“Shh, it’s alright, it can wait. Tell me when we’re safe. Just rest, okay? Just rest.”

His eyes close as the smallest hint of a smile tugs at his lips, and the next few hours pass in a shell-shocked blur of getting justice then much needed medical attention.

“He’s going to be okay,” One whispers as he passes you once you’ve all been dropped at your secure location, “you won’t break him if you fuck him.”

“Thank you so much for that,” you reply sarcastically.

“You’re so very welcome… (Y/N).”

He gives you the most sincere expression you’d ever seen him give, then he nods to you before carrying on towards a waiting car, and when you turn around to see where Four is, you find him right behind you waiting.

“Woah,” you gasp, his cuts now cleaned, and his eyes as bright as they were before.

“Didn’t mean to scare ya.”

“It’s fine,” you say, trying to act casual.

“Sorry for saying you acted like a heartless bitch by the way...”

“Don’t be. It’s true,” you shrug, “sorry for acting like one.”

“And…?” he smirks.

“And… Pushing you away when I shouldn’t have.”

“And…?”

“Now you’re just taking the piss.”

“I am,” he laughs, “so what are you gonna do to make it up to me?”

“Ha! You’re such a cheeky bastard sometimes.”

“But it’s why you love me...” he winks.

“It’s true, it is why I love you… Billy,” you smile.

“(Y/N),” he breathes with a smile, finally hearing his name fall so sweetly from your lips.

You press a soft kiss to his mouth and he’s quick to deepen it while holding you with his good arm, but you break it before you lean against the arm that’s now strapped to his front with a sling.

“Sorry, I just don’t want to hurt you,” you explain.

“You never could,” he replies with a grin, tucking you into his side as you both walk into a new chapter of your lives together.

[spiderman-homecomeme]

Day One - When in Vegas

Prompt: future!au

It’s cutting it close, but here is my first contribution to @spideychellemonth! I’m gonna try my darndest to keep up, but I’m so excited for this guys!! 

This is potentially going to be multi-chapter, mostly because it was getting too long and I was having just TOO MANY IDEAS lmao Let me know what y’all think! This is also based off of an idea an anon sent me a week or so ago about a marriage pact!AU that i just LOVED the idea for 

Basically, the 1.7k Waking Up Married in Vegas!AU nobody asked for pls enjoy! <3

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Fuck.

It’s the first semi-coherent thought that pops into MJ’s head as she’s dragged into a sluggish state that can barely be described as consciousness. Her eyes, feeling as if they might fall right out of her skull, squeeze shut in an effort to stop the sun’s merciless assault. The groan that leaves her mouth as she turns away from the window is almost inhuman, her tongue heavy and dry, throat feeling as if she’d just swallowed barbed wire. If she moves too much, she’s sure whatever concoction of last night’s activities currently residing in her stomach are going to end up on the floor. 

Three gin and tonics, two vanilla screwdrivers, and a few too many—who was counting, really?—shots of tequila seemed like an okay idea last night, at least past-MJ thought. 

That was a problem for future-MJ.

Future-MJ hates past-MJ.

It was true, it was all true, she reflects as her stomach gurgles violently, lurching into the back of her throat. 

It’s a simple explanation, really.

Over time, the enzymes required to metabolize all that booze have started to weaken, no longer breaking down toxins with the same vigor, leaving the elusive acetaldehyde to roam free. 

In other words, she’s thirty.

Gone were the glory days where she could drink the night away and wake up with just a mild headache. The days where she could have as many different cocktails as her heart desired and not wake up feeling like death itself. The days where she could drink just one glass of pinot noir and not feel like an angry bull is stomping on his hippocampus.

But it had been Ned’s 30th, one of her best friends since high school, a real cause for celebration. They were in Vegas, for crying out loud. Sin City. What was she supposed to do?

Not drink?

(Well, yeah. That would have been ideal.)

But where was the fun in that?

Her hand brushes across her bare stomach, and she realizes with a small start that she’s naked. 

She’s not sure if she’s ever been more confused.

Come to think of it, she’s not sure she even knows what happened last night. There’s flashes, very brief flashes of club music, Grey Goose, way too much glitter, and a lot of highly questionable, dumbass financial decisions involving slot machines and poker games.

She’s pretty sure she’s still alive, about 62%, but she’s also fairly certain that her brain has been replaced with cotton and sewing needles. An ache that starts right around her knees shoots up her spine, radiating throughout her body as she pulls the blanket tighter around her and buries her puffy face into the pillow.

When she realizes that any chance of sleep is gone for good, and that she can’t just will this splitting headache away with her own mind, she cracks an eye open. She immediately regrets that decision as soon as the harsh sunlight hits, shaking her head, throwing her arm out in some kind of half-assed effort to fight it off. 

Her heart nearly stops when her hand hits something soft and warm next to her. She yanks her hand back, eyes shooting open to see someone—a man—face down in the mattress, head of chocolate brown waves turned away from her. A rather uncalled for heat swarms her body as her gaze drifts to his exposed back and lingers on the taut muscles there, drifting lower, the thin stop-sheet just barely covering the curve of his—

What the hell happened last night?

But dread starts to mix with the nausea gripping at her stomach as she realizes something about the naked mystery man in her bed.

She knows that curly mop of brown hair.

Immediately, she shoots up from the bed, gripping the sheet against her chest. 

A big mistake.

The nausea finally wins the battle, and she runs to the bathroom, not bothering to cover up as she empties the toxic contents of her stomach into the toilet. 

It’s a wonder Peter doesn’t wake up from her violent retching. 

She forces out a harsh exhale as she flushes down the remnants of her night out, hand reaching out to grip the bathroom counter as she rises on shaky legs. She grabs the complimentary bathrobe—how fancy—and shrugs it on before turning to the sink to splash ice cold water onto her face. 

And that’s when she sees it. 

The gaudy, cheap, obviously fake rock sitting smugly on her left ring finger, staring right back at her slack-jawed expression. 

What the fuck?!

It all comes back to her. 

They’d been so, so incredibly dumb. 

Both of them.

Peter looks stupid good.

He always has, of course, she wasn’t blind. 

But his late-twenties seemed to have been incredibly kind to him. He still had that boyish charm she’d always secretly liked, but now… now there was just something about him, standing under these neon casino lights, wearing a plain black suit with a white tee underneath, that brought back years and years of repressed high school feelings. 

Mutual feelings that neither of them ever acted on. Only joked about.

They would never have worked as a couple, they’d always say.

It was a disaster waiting to happen.

So they both moved on. It was high school. They still had the rest of their lives ahead of them. 

Plus, the risk of ruining their solid friendship was just too great. 

So why, after nearly twelve years, is she having to actively fight back the stupid fluttering of butterflies when he so much as glanced in her general direction? 

It makes no sense. 

It isn’t like they haven’t seen each other since high school. Yeah, it’s been a few months since they last caught up, both of them being too busy with work and the like, but...

They were still friends—best friends, even.

She blames it on the second gin and tonic.

Yes, it’s the warm buzz of the alcohol running through her body that’s making her feel like she’s pretty damn close to walking on air. 

And she chases that feeling, returning again and again to the bar—sometimes with Peter, himself—giving up on actually counting her drinks after the first shot of tequila. 

Tequila was clearly not her friend in this case.

It could also have been the fact that she’s freshly single and she’s had to witness Ned and, now fiancèe Betty, making googly eyes at each other one too many times, and it’s entirely possible that she’s just feeling that creeping loneliness she’d tried so hard to stamp down.

She doesn’t know how they get here, maybe it’s somewhere between her second shot and her first screwdriver, but they’re alone in a booth in the corner. For the first time in a while, her liquid courage doesn’t help stave off the pressure of trying to come up with something cool to say, and she feels, once again, like she’s back in high school. 

It’s an incredibly frustrating feeling.

Peter ducks as he sees Ned looking for him, MJ snickering as she watches the whole ordeal. Ned’s drunkenly leading this poor, unassuming casino patron around, glancing around frantically as he wanders from room to room.

Odds are it’s just another person to try and hook Peter up with. 

Ned means well, he truly does, but frankly, Peter’s a little tired of the constant matchmaking. Yes, he’s been the perpetually single friend for a number of years now, but he seemed to be pretty content on his own.

And plus, he and MJ are having a pretty good time by themselves.

He doesn’t need anyone else.

“But, Pete,” MJ starts, words slurring ever-so-slightly, tone laced with sarcasm. “Everyone knows that being single in your thirties is one of the most shameful things in existence. It’s barbaric. You need to settle down, before it’s too late.”

He throws his head back, letting out an exaggerated laugh. “You’re right. My good years are gone.” 

She tsks, shaking her head. “Past your prime.”

“I’ve truly peaked.” He tips his glass to her, before taking a drink.

A smirk tugs at her lips. “What will you do now?”

“Well...” He laughs lightly, casually stirring the glass in his hand. He looks up at her, eyes glazed over, tilting his head as he fixes her with a fond, teasing smile. “We still have that pact.”

Ah, yes. 

The pact. 

The pact that they’d made—as a joke—when they were sixteen. 

It was simple.

If they were both single at thirty, they’d get married. 

That was the deal.

They even shook on it. 

But, official as that simple handshake was at the time for two hormonal teenagers, it wasn’t something that was ever in any universe supposed to be taken seriously.

Maybe it was just a ring, though. Maybe they didn’t get actually, legitimately, legally get married. They couldn’t have been that dumb. 

Or maybe this was some sick hangover hallucination her brain made up as punishment for drinking too much. 

The rest of the night is a blur, brief glimpses of drunken giggles, his hand in hers flashing through her mind. She vaguely remembers going somewhere outside the casino with him, stumbling through the streets as they pull each other along, bright lights dancing above them. 

Balloons everywhere. 

A corny chapel. 

A Tony Stark impersonator. 

Her expression is oddly calm, a contrast to the utter horror she feels in her gut as she stares at the sparkling ring on her finger. 

This isn’t that bad, she thinks. This can all be over in a matter of hours. 

An annulment was easy, right?

Right?

It’s not like they had sex or anything—

Wait, no, fuck, they did. 

Did they…?

Again, the later part of the night is fuzzy.

Another wave of nausea crashes into her before she has a chance to be confused, and in an instant, she’s hunched over the toilet again. 

And it’s while she’s puking her guts out, while she’s praying that the naked guy in her bed stays asleep where he’s supposed to be, does a boxer-clad-Peter step into the bathroom. He looks almost as wrecked as she is, his hair in wild disarray, bags under his eyes giving Gollum a run for his money. 

He hesitates, knocking gently on the doorframe. “MJ—?” At first, he looks as though he’s about to ask her why she’s in his hotel room, but his expression crumples into one of worry when he sees how sick she is. “Are you okay?”

She scoffs and gives him a weak glance over her shoulder, ready to throw a biting, sarcastic remark back at him, when she sees the way the color drains from his face.

He’s frozen in place, eyes wide, and she hesitantly follows his gaze, right onto that big, fake diamond on her finger. 

Fuck.

[johnsbleu]

Hold My Hand: John Wick & Reader Chapter 49

warnings: nsfw, minor john wick chapter 3 spoilers 

The floor in the living room creaks as John walks throughout the house locking up all the doors and making sure everyone is gone. You’re already in the guest bedroom, praying like hell the bed is semi-comfortable for you and John, even if it was the most uncomfortable bed, John would never complain. You, on the other hand, would definitely complain about it.

Bleu pushes the door open with his snout and wags his tail when he sees you. He sniffs the bed a few times, then he groans loudly as he lays at your feet. The lights in the living room go dark, and John’s footsteps get closer as he appears in the doorway.

He leans against the door frame and exhales, “All locked up, and all the lights are off. I did leave on the light above the stove though, just in case someone needs some water or something in the night.”

“Oh, good idea actually. Dan usually gets up in the night for some water.” you say as you watch John start to undress. He throws his dress shirt on the bed and you get out from under the covers and put it on, leaving it unbuttoned, “I’m cold.”

“Well, it looks good.” he says and leans back against the headboard of the bed. He pats the spot between his legs and points at your foot, “You said earlier tonight that your feet hurt.”

“They hurt so bad.” you whimper as you crawl in between John’s legs and rest your feet in his lap.

“Look how tiny your feet are.” he holds up your foot, then puts his hand next to it for comparison, “Tiny.”

“Rub them, Jonathan!” you whine, playfully.

“They also stink.” he says, holding it up to his nose as he laughs and you wiggle your foot out of his grasp. “I’m just kidding.”

“You’re so gross.” you say, closing your eyes when John rubs his thumb into the arch of your foot. He pushes his thumb hard against the knot in your foot, working it loose and you gasp loudly, “Oh, my god, that feels so good.”

“Shh!” John laughs, “Someone will hear you.”

You look at John, cocking up an eyebrow as you open your mouth to moan loudly, but you don’t when his face turns bright red. He continues massaging your foot, and you watch as he starts to smile.

“What’s goin’ on?”

John looks up at you and shakes his head, “Nothing.”

“I don't believe you,” you say, almost singing, “Tell me.”

“I just want to thank you.”

“For what?” you ask, tilting your head.

“For everything. For...” he clears his throat and swallows hard, “For giving me a family.”

“You consider Tess and Jimmy your family?”  

“Yeah, your mom too.” he nods and smiles at you, “Your mom is so nice to me, and when I picked her up from the airport, it was so…natural between us. And Dan, he’s cool. It’s just nice having them be so accepting of me. And your mom trusts me so much with you, so that makes me feel really good. I mean, you’re out here on your own, then you moved in with me and she immediately accepted it and…” he leans closer and whispers, “I think she likes me. I think she thinks I’m good for you.”

“Of course she does! John, she loves you. When I talk to her on the phone, the first thing she asks about is you. She really likes you a lot. She goes on and on about how good you are for me.” you watch John as he smiles wide, then it slowly fades. “Did Helen’s family not like you?”

John shakes his head, “Conversation for another night I suppose.”

“Got it.” you laugh and get up to move to sit next to John.

“Tess is like that really annoying little sister I always wanted when I was younger.” he laughs as he wraps his arm around your shoulder.

“Oh, god, I know.” you laugh, “Except she’s my annoying big sister. It’s good to have her. I tend to think I deserve the awful things people say to me, so I’m not the best at sticking up for myself, but Tess, she’s great at sticking up for me.”

John brushes his thumb against your cheek to get you to look up at him, and he smiles sweetly, “You know you don’t deserve the awful things people say to you though, right? And I’ll always be here to remind you of that.”

“Yeah.” you nod and lean up to meet John’s lips for a tender kiss. “So, I have you, Tess, and Jimmy now. Seems like a good trio to me.”

“Yeah, Jimmy really cares about you.” he nods and looks down at you, “Kept asking if you were going to be okay when you were talking to Tess. He was so worried, and he felt so bad because Matt had come with his cousin.”

“Well, that’s not his fault. It’s not her fault either. I’m sure she had no idea who he was, and I’m sure once she finds out, she won’t be going out with him again.”

“Oh, definitely not. Jimmy already talked to her and she was disgusted. She was asking if you were okay, too. That family…worries a lot.” he laughs and presses a kiss to the top of your head as he hugs you, “She told me to hug you for her, so...”

“That’s sweet.” you hug John, then intertwine your fingers with his and sigh, “Can I ask you a question? You can totally say no, I won’t be upset.”

“You can ask me anything.” he says, leaning down to kiss your forehead.

“Did you ever look for your family? You have the resources and the money…”

He nods his head slowly, almost like he knew you were going to ask. He starts to shake his head and looks at you, “No, I never did.”

“Really?” you tilt your head back to look at him and he nods.

“Nope, just figured since they didn't want me, I shouldn't waste my time looking for them.” he says, looking down at you, “I’ve made peace with that.”

They didn't want him. You feel your heart break at the thought of John being so young and not understanding why his parents gave him up.

“Maybe they couldn't keep you. Maybe it was a really unfortunate situation.” you say, trying to play devil's advocate. “Maybe…she was really young and just couldn't take care of a kid. We don’t know the whole story, John.”

He shakes his head, “It doesn't matter.”

“I’m sorry I brought it up. I upset you, I can tell.” you say and feel your heart break again. Upsetting John was your last intention, but you just wanted to know a little more about his childhood.

John lets out a small laugh as he shakes his head, “You didn’t upset me.”

You sit up to straddle John and his hands move to your hips. “Listen, you're my family, John. And you know what, if they didn't want you, then fuck them. They're missing out on the most wonderful man I've ever met in my entire life. You're so full of love, and it amazes me that even after everything you’ve been through, you still have such a big heart. I have literally never met someone like you.”

John cups your face and leans his forehead against yours, “Thank you.”

“I mean it. Jonathan, you are…amazing. I know that word is so overused, but it’s true. You’re so patient with me when I’m having a bad day. You’re understanding when I don’t want to talk about something, and I’ll admit, I am not like that with you.” you laugh and John starts to smile.

“You underestimate yourself a lot. Not many people would have stuck around after finding out their boyfriend is…well, me.” he rubs his thumb over your bottom lip, smiling when you press a kiss to it, “They would have ran for the hills when they saw the guns in my basement and probably been scared of me, but you…you just yelled at me.”

“See, I’m not scared of you.” you say, poking John’s stomach. You wrap your arms around him and he pulls into a bear hug as you two cling to each other in silence.

“Anyone would have left me when they saw the way I was acting tonight.” he whispers and you lean back to look at him, “But I needed to do something. I’m sorry that you had to see it, see me being…”

“Don’t say it. Jonathan Charles Wick, don’t you dare.”

“A monster.” he whispers and you sigh loudly as you slouch.

“Never. Never, Jonathan.” you cup his face and shake your head, “I would never think of you as some sort of monster, and I hate that you think that’s what you are. I’m sorry that someone has gotten into your head and made you believe that, but all I saw tonight was a man protecting someone he loves.” you say, then immediately start to laugh, “God, was that corny or what?”

“It was a little.” John laughs as he pulls you back into his arms. “Been hanging around me too much.”

“Well, it’s true.” you close your eyes, then start to laugh again, “Can you believe I pulled the ‘John Wick is my boyfriend’ card tonight? Who the hell was I?”

John laughs quietly and leans back to see your face, “I was honestly so shocked.”

“I mean, you are just…Jonathan to me. You’re just John.” you shake your head and chuckle, “But I kinda like throwing it in his face who you were. I know he knows who you are. Everyone does. Except me apparently.”

“And I liked it that way. Well, until I thought we were both ready for you to know.”

“That didn’t go according to plan, did it?” you say, and the two of you laugh.

“Can I show you something?” he asks and moves you back to the bed as he stands up. “I'll be right back.”

You watch John leave the room and hear the basement door squeak open. Bleu is at the foot of the bed and perks up a little as John's feet scamper down the steps. After a few minutes, Bleu begins to wag his tail, alerting you that John is on his way back into the bedroom.

“Hi,” you say and kneel on the bed. You notice John holding a manila folder and you look back up at him, “What's this?”

“When we were looking at baby pictures, I thought about these. I didn't look for my family, but I do have some stuff from my childhood. I know you want to know more about it and trust me, it was pretty uneventful.” he sits back down on the bed and taps the spot next to him.

“Okay, well, I definitely don’t believe that it was uneventful. You were in foster care, and you were in the Marines for a while. That’s not uneventful, you’re just leaving stuff out so you don’t make me sad, or so I don’t judge you -- which I never would.”

John laughs and shrugs a little, “Well, what would you say if I told you I went to a school that trained children to become assassins?”

“I would say it’s not the weirdest thing you’ve told me.” you look up at John and smile, “The weirdest thing you’ve ever told me was…hmm, probably that you’ve never seen Titanic. Everyone has seen that movie, Jonathan. Get with the program.”

John stares at you in awe and he exhales in relief, “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you.”

You pat John’s cheek and smile, “I love you.”

“I love you.” John holds your gaze for a few moments before he looks down at the folder and pulls out some papers, “This is a file with all my information on it.”

“Can I look at it?” you ask, reaching out for it and sitting cross legged next to John.

“Of course.” he laughs and hands it to you, “Why else would I have brought it up here?”

John’s file has him listed all over the world at some point. Hawaii, Mexico, Germany, Italy. You knew John traveled a lot for work, but knowing he was a kid when he went to a lot of these places takes you by surprise.

“Where haven’t you been?”

“Where haven’t I been?” he laughs and tilts his head back as he thinks, “Well, I’ve never been to Australia.”

“Really? Not much assassin business going in Australia?” you laugh.

“No, there is. There’s business going on everywhere, you’d be surprised. I just haven’t had any jobs in Australia. Plus I…work for people who usually do their business in New York.”

“Makes sense.” You shuffle through the papers more and land on John’s birth certificate, and John lets out a small sigh. You look up at John and smile, “We met a few days after your birthday.”

“Did you just realize that, or just not know my birthday?” he laughs and you playfully slap his chest.

“No, I know your birthday, you ass!” you squint your eyes at John as he laughs. “Did you get anything good for your birthday this year?”

“You.” he smiles and you laugh loudly. “Actually, Jimmy got this weird face statue to put my glasses on.”

“You don’t wear glasses.”

“I didn’t have the heart to tell him, he was so proud of this thing.” he says and points over to the strange looking statue on the side table.

“He’s an odd gift giver, isn’t he?” you laugh and look down at the papers again then back at John, “This part is about your parents, not much information.”

“Yeah.” he says quietly, and you can hear the sadness in his voice.

You can see it hurts John that he doesn’t know anything about his family, and you can’t even begin to imagine how he feels. Reaching out to cup his face, he leans into the palm of your hand and closes his eyes for a moment, and you lean forward to kiss his forehead.

“That must be so hard. It must have been really hard growing up and not knowing your family.”

John nods slowly and exhales, “Yeah, it was.”

“Well, if you ever wanted to, we could look into finding them.” you say quietly and John opens his eyes to look at you. “I just want you to know that I’d be supportive either way. Whether you want to find them or not. I will fully support you, and I’ll be with every step of the way if you decide that’s what you want to do.”

“I don’t want to look for them.” he says as his eyes dart over your face, “I have my family now.”

You smile at John and feel yourself tearing up. He leans his forehead against yours and hands you a picture, and you gasp when you see it’s John as a baby. “Ooh, my god!”

“I have no idea how old I was.”

“Hmm, I'd say around nine months. You look the same age as Harper in this.” you hold the picture up next to John and he smiles. “Oh, my fucking god, I see it. This is literally the best thing I've ever seen. Please tell me there's more.”

“There's a few more,” he says and shuffles through the papers and holds up another picture. “I believe I was seven in this picture.”

You start to tear up a little and hold the picture up to John again, comparing the photo to his face. “I want to die, look at how cute you are. Look at your dorky little smile and your hair. Oh, my god, this is the best day of my life.”

John holds up another picture and laughs, “There's a few that were taken by a girl, she was big into photography–” John looks at you and shakes his head, “It wasn’t Helen, and we didn’t date or anything.”

You put your hands up in defense and laugh, “You went there, not me.”

“I think she liked me, but I wasn’t really interested in dating. It was just nice to have someone to hang out with sometimes.” John leans over to kiss you and laughs, “Please don't make fun of me.”

You already feel a laugh rising in your chest and when John hands you the picture, you bend over laughing until your eyes fill with tears. “You're kidding me? Look at you, you're so tiny. How old were you?”

“Mid to late twenties.” he says, leaning over to look at the picture with you. “Probably around your age actually.”

“Your hair was so short.” you say and run your fingers through his hair. “It’s weird to think that you had it really short for the Marines.”

“Yeah, I hated it.” he closes his eyes when you tug lightly on his hair. “I like it better this way.”

“I do, too. You are literally the most gorgeous man I have ever laid my eyes on, you know that?” you say and hold the picture up to John, “Literally, you have not aged at all.”

“I have.” he laughs and grabs another picture. “This girl in this picture was…my first time.”

“Okay, now that is adorable. How old were you?”

“I think I was around 17,” he says and looks at the picture. “I was so nervous.”

“Please, please, please, tell me about it.” you say, knowing damn well it’s going to be embarrassing.

John starts to laugh and looks up at you, “Well, I took her out to this restaurant. I thought I looked so good, I wore this suit that was way too big for me. And she looked very pretty, she was wearing a dress with flowers all over it. We drove down to the beach after dinner, and I laid a blanket down on the ground and…”

“Sex on the beach for your first time. John, how ambitious of you.”

John rolls his eyes and looks back at the picture. “Yeah, bad idea. There was sand everywhere and on top of it all, I lasted about 45 seconds.”

“45 seconds?” you begin to wheeze as John watches you. You try to stifle the laughter and cup John’s face. “That is so fucking funny. I mean, I’m sure it was a wonderful 45 seconds.”

“Hey, don’t laugh, I was nervous as hell. My hands were shaking so bad. I thought she was gonna laugh at me.”

You roll your eyes at John, still laughing hard, “Yeah right, you know damn well that your dick is huge. You have nothing to be nervous about.”

“No, I mean because I didn’t last long.” he says, rubbing your thigh, “Young John Wick… didn’t last long.”

“Yeah, well, old John Wick doesn’t last that long sometimes either.”

John’s mouth drop open in shock and he laughs loudly, “Mean.”

“Hey, I’ll take it as a compliment.” you laugh and look back down at the picture. John has his arm around the girl’s shoulder and a fake smile is plastered on his face. “For it being your first time, you don’t look very happy in this picture.”

“This wasn’t my first time, this was after we were dating for awhile.”

“Oh, so, she was also your girlfriend?” you ask and look up at John.

“She was.” he says. You hand the picture back to John and he looks at it closely, sighing and shaking his head, “She was not very nice to me.”

“Oh, no.” you frown and lean over to kiss John’s forehead.

“She was controlling, and she wanted to marry me almost a month after dating.” he laughs, “I was 17 years old, why the hell would I want to do that? And honestly, I was a little sick of people trying to control me.”

“Well, obviously that didn’t happen.” you say, looking at John. “Unless you have another marriage you’re hiding from me.”

John playfully taps your leg and laughs, “Nope, she dumped me on the same beach that we had sex on.”

“Oh, tragic. I’ll kick her ass for being mean to you.” you say and put your fists up. You try not to laugh at John, but your body starts to shake from holding in your laughter. You cover your mouth and John looks up at you. “I’m so sorry, that’s terrible. I just can’t get over you only lasting 45 seconds.”

John tackles you to the bed and tickles you, “Yeah, I’m sure your first time was funny, too.”

“Oh, my first time was bad.” you say and John nods, waiting for you to tell him. “All you need to know is it was in the basement of a friend’s house, and all my friends listened to us. Well, listened to him. I was quiet back then.”

“Not anymore?” he smirks.

“Nope,” you lean up to kiss him, then flop back on the bed, “Anyway, Tess protected the door for the three minutes that it lasted. He came, and that was it.”

“That was it?”

“Not very satisfactory, I didn’t even…you know. I went home and cried in my mom’s bed for about three days straight. I didn’t really regret that I had sex, I just regretted that my first time was so bad. Then again, everyone’s first time is bad.” you say and lean up to kiss John, “Except with you.”

He laughs and lays down on top of you, “Our first time was pretty good, I’d say we both enjoyed ourselves.”

“It was really good -- amazing, actually. You definitely lasted longer than 45 seconds…maybe 47 seconds.” you tease and John laughs. “It was good though, I remember being so worried you were going to rip me in half.”

John jerks his hips a little and smiles, “Yeah, me too.”

You bite your lip, trying your hardest not to smile, “And the thumb thing you always do…”

John pulls you on top of him and licks his thumb, then slides his hand into your underwear, rubbing your clit slowly. “This?”

“Yes, that. Fuck.” you start to grind against John and close your eyes, but he removes his hand and moves you back to the bed as you try to catch your breath. You glare at John as you pull your nightgown down, “Such a tease.”

He starts to laugh and leans over to kiss you, “I grabbed your baby picture on the way back up. Look at your hair, it’s just stuck all up on top of your head and your cute little smile, you look so proud of your stuffed animals.”

You look over and see John holding your baby picture next to his, “Pretty cute. I really hope our kids look like you though.”

John looks up at you and you shrug, not knowing what to say when you realize it just slipped out. He nods and smiles, letting it go and you feel relief wash over you.

“You’re so damn cute.” John says and holds your picture up next to your face, “Look at your little smile. You look the same, too.”

“Pfft, yeah, right.” you laugh and shove John’s hand away.

John takes all the pictures and puts them on the side table. He looks over at you as you tuck your hair behind your ear and he points at your ring.

“Where did you get that?” he asks and takes your hand in his, rubbing his thumb over your ring. “It’s beautiful.”

“I got it from Tess, it was my gift from her.” you say and curl up next John. “You like it? She made sure to get blue because it’s my favorite color, and because of this guy.” you tap Bleu with your foot and he looks at you.

“It’s really beautiful.” John says again and you take it off your ring finger, moving it to your middle finger.

“I can’t figure out which finger it feels best on.” you laugh and move it back to your ring finger. “I think it feels best here.”

“You should keep that finger free.” John frowns and you look up at him.

“Why?”

John tries to hide a smile, but he starts to laugh, “You know why.”

“Are you gonna make me Mrs. Wick anytime soon?” you ask and John laughs so loud, it echoes throughout the room. “Sorry, I’ll stop asking, but just know I’m waiting as patiently as I can. And when you do ask…it’s gonna be a yes.”

“Peach, it has to be a surprise. I can’t just do it. Will you marry me? What’s the fun in that? We’re just laying in bed.”

“Yes, I’ll marry you.” you crawl on top of John, hiking up your nightgown a little and John smiles wide.

“That wasn’t a proposal.” he shakes his head and cups your face. Leaning close to John’s face, you grind against him and he laughs. “It has to be special. You deserve something special.”

“Fine.” you run your hands up his chest and onto his biceps, “Your arms are so big. I want them wrapped around me all the time.”

John’s hands move up your thighs as you lean closer, kissing each other passionately. You begin grinding against John as he slowly bucks his hips under you, and you can feel his cock growing harder and harder.

“Wait...” he sits up and moves you back to the bed. He opens the door a crack and looks at Bleu, “Go lay down, boy.” Bleu hops off the bed and John watches as he walks out of the bedroom. “He can come back in after.”

“Oh yeah, definitely don’t want him in here for what I’m about to do to you.” you joke, wrapping your arms around John’s neck as he crawls on top of you. “He’s a good boy though, he protected me tonight.”

“I’m not surprised.” John presses kisses over your stomach as he lifts your nightgown up, “Wish he would have bit Matt’s face off. Bleu is too sweet for that though.”

“My boys protected me tonight.” you cup John’s face and smile sweetly, “Thank you again.”

“You don’t need to thank me.” he says and kisses you tenderly. He lifts you off the bed a little to take off his dress shirt that you’re wearing and his eyes grow wide, glued to your arm.

You look down to see the bruises that Matt left, and you gasp as you attempt to wipe them off like it's a temporary tattoo. You didn't realize that they were even there. Matt gripped you hard and you knew he was probably leaving behind bruises, but your dress had sleeves so you didn’t even think about checking. John sits up straight and gently rubs his thumb over it as he sighs loudly.

“I’m sorry.” he says and you watch as he leans down to kiss your arm. His lips are warm and soft, and you feel his tongue glide against your skin. You sit up and wrap your arms around John, and he pulls you tighter into his arms. “I’m sorry this happened to you.”

“Let’s just forget about it for now.”

John holds your gaze as you kneel on the bed and lift your nightgown up a little as you pull your panties off. He lays down on his back, then he scoots to the center of the bed and kicks the blankets to the floor.

Your fingers wrap around the waistband of his boxers and you tug them off slowly, killing John with anticipation. Still keeping eye contact, you crawl on top of John and pull your nightgown over your head.

“I love you,” you run your fingers through John’s hair and cup his face, “I love you so much.”

You press your lips to John’s as he lays back on the bed, holding you tight to his chest. You lift yourself up a little and reach down between the two of you to slide his cock between your legs. Still keeping your lips pressed together, you roll your hips and John tilts his head back to moan. He bends his knees as he bucks his hips wildly, and the bed creaks incredibly loud to John’s horror.

“This is not going to work.” you laugh and look at John frozen in place.

He slides you back to the bed and sits up to pull on his boxers, “What are we going to do then? There’s no way we can just stop now.”

“Very flattering, Mr. Wick.” you wink, then look around the room as you think, “The basement?”

“The car?” he suggests and you quickly hop off the bed to put on your nightgown again.

“Of course you’d suggest that.” you laugh and lean up to kiss him.

“It’s only because it’s away from everyone.” he says, but you know it has nothing to do with that. John has told you before he wants to have sex in his car, and honestly, at this point, you’re down. He’s so sad about the events that unfolded tonight, and if this helps cheer him up a little, you’re more than happy to do it.

Holding tight to John’s hand, you both tiptoe through the house, and when you hear a noise coming from your bedroom, you freeze in place, “Oh, my god.”

“What?” John turns around, looking at you, then starts to laugh when he hears it too. “They’re having sex in our bed. That’s weird, isn’t it?”

“We’ll just wash the sheets.” you jump into John’s arms, pressing kisses to his neck. “Or buy new ones.”

“I know, but it’s Jimmy and Tess.”

You cock up an eyebrow and look at John, “You’re telling me that if we stayed at their house for the night and I wanted to have sex, you wouldn’t fuck me in their bed?”

John opens his mouth to argue, then he nods, “You got me there.”

Still holding tight to you, John quickly walks out to the garage, turns on the light and quietly opens the driver side door. You hop off of him and he sits down, then taps his thighs, “Hop on.”

You carefully crawl into the car and onto John’s lap. He puts his hands behind you to stop you from bumping the horn with your ass and when you tap it a little, you both start to laugh. You finally get situated, and John slowly and carefully shuts the door.

He lifts your nightgown up and pulls it over your head, throwing to the passenger seat as your lips meet, desperately kissing each other. He reaches between the two of you to pull his cock free from his boxers and you sink down onto him as the two moan loudly.

“Oh, my god,” you say and feel John grabbing your ass, guiding you and moving you faster on his cock.

John’s hand slides up your chest and wraps lightly around your throat, “That feel good?”

“Mhm,” you suck on John’s thumb and he leans forward to pepper your chest with kisses. “You’re so hard for me tonight.”

“Well, you look beautiful tonight, and the way you were moving when we were dancing...”

“Almost came in your pants, didn’t you?” you laugh.

John starts to laugh and he looks up at you, “If I’m being honest, yeah. You’re kind of a huge tease.”

“You have no room to talk. You just stuck your hands in my pants, trying to get me off and then just stopped like it was nothing.” you say and John laughs again.

John reaches down and lays his seat back, and he smiles when you kiss over his chest and up to his neck. The two of you press your foreheads together as you moan breathlessly, and John groans loudly when you rotate your hips slowly.

“Peach, I’m sorry.”

Burying your face in the crook of John’s neck, you start to laugh, “Already?”

John pulls you back so he can see your face and gives you a small smile, “I’m sorry.”

“What?” you look down to where the two of you are connected, but since it’s pretty dark in the garage, you can’t see anything, “You can’t be done already. You didn’t even make…the face.”

“No, I just…I should have been there with you tonight.” he shakes his head and tilts it back against the seat to look at you.

“Baby, don’t. It’s over with.”

“Yeah, but if I had been there, it wouldn’t have happened in the first place.” he says and you roll your eyes. You move to get off of him and he grabs your waist to keep you in place, “What are you doing?”

“John…” you sigh and sit up straight, “Listen, it happened. There’s nothing we can do about it.”

John frowns a little and he cups your face, “I know, but I still--”

“You still wish you could have been there, I get it. I’m okay though, isn’t that what matters?” you lean your forehead against John’s and he nods.

“Yeah, that’s what matters.”

“Are you going to keep bringing this up?” you ask, rubbing your thumb against his beard.

John starts to laugh, then shrugs, “Probably, but I won’t bring it up anymore tonight.”

“I’m fine with that. Now…fuck me.” you say, and you moan loudly as he starts bucking his hips frenziedly.

John moves you to bounce up and down on him, and you put your hand on the ceiling of the car to keep yourself from hitting your head. His hand trails up to your breast and he leans up, sucking on your nipple.

“You’re so wet tonight. Listen to the sounds you’re making.”

“Can you blame me? You looked fucking delicious all day.” you laugh and bite at John’s neck.

“It was so hard to keep my hands to myself today. Right before everything happened, I was gonna pull you into the backyard.”

“What were you gonna do to me in the backyard?” you ask, moaning in the crook of John’s neck. He pulls you back to make eye contact with you, and he smiles cheekily.

“I was gonna bend you over and fuck you as hard as I could. I was gonna rip that dress off of you and take you right in the backyard, listening to you moan my name.”

“Fuck,” you cry out and ride John faster as he begins to breath heavily.

You watch as he leans his head back against the seat, and you tighten around him as you feel him rubbing your clit with his thumb, bringing on your orgasms simultaneously. You tilt your head back and quickly cover your mouth with your hand, feeling a loud moan beginning to surface.

“Let me hear.” John says and moves your hand just as you let out an earsplitting moan.

Holding tight to each other, you ride out your orgasms, moaning and breathing loudly. You tuck your hair behind your ear and look at John as he pants, trying to catch his breath. The windows in the car have fogged over, and you start to laugh when you see your hand print on the window.

“I don’t remember doing that.”

“Wow.” John laughs and looks at you, still holding tight to your waist as he pulls his seat back up. “So…I make a face?”

“Yeah,” you cover your mouth as you laugh. “You always like…scrunch your eyebrows together and tilt your head back when you come. Sometimes you clench your jaw like you’re trying not to scream or something. Wish you would though, then I’d know I’m doing something right.”

John slaps your ass and laughs loudly, “Trust me, you’re always doing something right.”

You grab your nightgown and pull it back over you and nod to the door, “We should probably head back in.”

“Yeah.” he nods and watches you wince as you lift yourself off of him.

John opens the glove compartment and takes a few tissues, quickly wiping himself off, then he grabs more and pats between your legs. As quietly as you can, you open the car door and wait for John to fix himself.

He reaches out for your hand and peeks through the door, then looks at you, “I think we’re safe.”

You tiptoe through the living room and see the kitchen light is on. Peeking around the corner, you see Tess sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal.

“What is she doing awake?” you whisper to John and he peeks around the corner.

“Apparently she was hungry.” he walks past you heading for the kitchen, and you pull back him to you.

“What are you doing? You don’t have a shirt on, and you’re only in your boxers.” you point down and he laughs quietly.

John looks down at his boxers and shrugs, “I think she can control herself. She is a married woman after all.”

“I…” you blink at John a few times, and he walks into the kitchen and greets Tess.

“Hey, Tess. Can’t sleep?” he asks, grabbing a bottle of water.

“Oh…uh,” she clears her throat and laughs, “No, I was starving. Jimmy is passed out and I thought I’d just come grab a bowl of cereal, I hope you don’t mind.”

“No, of course not. Eat whatever you want.” he says and from the glass on the oven, you see him lean against the counter. “There’s still some leftover food in the fridge and there’s cake as well.”

“Nah, I was craving cereal.” she says, holding up a box of sugary cereal, “I’m guessing she picked this cereal, you don’t seem like the type to eat this. You seem more like a healthy cereal type of guy. Lots of fiber, I bet.”

“Actually, I picked that, but yeah, she definitely picks out the cereal. She picks out a lot of our junk food.” he laughs.

“Excuse you,” you gasp as you walk into the kitchen, “You buy junk food.”

John looks at you over his shoulder and laughs, “Yeah, but you pick it out.”

“So, what are you two doing awake?”

You and John look at each other, and your cheeks start to burn as you shuffle in place. John takes a big gulp of water so he doesn’t have to answer and you roll your eyes at him. You look at Tess as she leans back in her chair, trying to look at John and his tattoos.

You walk over and sit down next to Tess, pulling your nightgown down when you remember you’re not wearing any underwear. You drum your fingers on the table to get Tess’ attention and she jumps.

“Huh?” she says and looks at you, “Oh, I was…wait, I mean, I couldn’t sleep.”

“I didn’t ask you anything.” you turn around and look at John as he finishes off his bottle of water, “Baby, come here.” John walks over and stands behind you, and you get up and point at the chair, “Sit down.”

“Okay.” John laughs and sits down.

You grab Tess’ hand, pulling her up to stand next to you, “There, now you can look.”

“What?” he says, turning around to look at you.

“Your tattoos. She wants to see them.” you say and look at Tess, “Don’t you?”

“Yeah, sorry. I was trying to be subtle. I was going to wait until you invited us over to go swimming, but since your pool still isn’t filled…” she laughs and you push John forward so she can see his tattoos. She reaches out and brushes her fingers over the wolf on his right shoulder, “Your tattoos are amazing, John. Are you ever going to get more?”

John starts to laugh and shakes his head, “I don’t know. Depends.”

“Depends on what?” Tess asks.

“If we had a baby, I’d maybe get something.” he says and Tess looks over at you and smiles, nudging you and winking. John looks up at you and smiles, “I’d get a tattoo with you.”

“Matching tattoos, how corny. You know what, that’s cute actually. We always wanted to get matching tattoos, and Jimmy and I want to get one as well.” Tess says, still looking at John’s tattoos. “We should all go together and get one.”

You lean forward to look at John and smile, “You can get my face tattooed across your chest.”

John starts to laugh and shakes his head fast, “I love you, but I don’t want that.”

Tess furrows her brow in confusion, “You have two crosses, I didn’t realize you were...religious.”

John chuckles and looks over his shoulder, “I’m not.”

“Well, then why do have them?” Tess teases.

“I was young when I got all of these.”

Tess runs her fingers over the large cross in the middle of John’s back and she gasps loudly, “Jesus, John, this isn’t a tattoo.”

John looks up at you and frowns as you lean over to look at it with Tess. She looks up at you with tears in her eyes and puts her hand over her mouth.

“John, she’s speechless. We did it. We did the impossible.” you say, and John laughs quietly.

“Were you fucking…branded?” she asks, rubbing her fingers over the bumped up skin.

“Something like that.” he says quietly, and he reaches for your hand to pull you back to him.

“Exactly like that.” you say and you watch a tear slide down Tess’ cheek. John’s left hand slides between your legs and onto your knee, and he pulls you even closer.

“Well, I hate this.” Tess says and you move to hug her. “I hate this, John. And not to be weird, but I…want to kiss it and make it better. In a platonic way…if that’s possible.”

“I will!” you say happily and press your lips to John’s back, moving them up to the crook of his neck and he squirms away. “Ticklish.”

When you touch his shoulder, John instantly can tell the difference between Tess’ hand and yours, and he smiles at you over his shoulder. You sit down next to John at the table and watch as Tess continues looking at his tattoos. He props head on his hand, eyes darting over your face as the two of you look at each other.

Tess leans closer to get a better look at the cross in the middle of his back and finally notices the other scars littering his skin. She puts her hand over her mouth and looks at you with tears in her eyes.

“I know.” you whisper and look at her, smiling softly.

“John, baby, you are covered in scars.” she says, and John quickly turns around to look at her. She notices the scars on his chest and stomach, and she covers her mouth again with both hands as she gasps, “Oh, my god.”

“Oh no, not you too.” he laughs and stands up to hug Tess. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

“I cried the first time I saw them, too.” you say and watch Tess as she stares at them.

She looks at John’s stomach and frowns even more when she sees the splatter of scars, “I know about your job, well, barely anything about your job, but I just…I guess I never thought about it. You getting hurt like this.” she reaches out to touch a scar on his stomach and he flinches.

“Your hands are cold.” he laughs.

“How did you get this?”

“Ask my map.” he laughs and points at you.

“Uh,” you get up and point at John’s stomach, “I think this was the broken bottle, right?”

“Yeah.” John nods.

“And this one?” she points at a scar on his right side.

“A gun. Two bullets.” you say and Tess points at more, “Gun, knife, another knife, gun.”

Tess’ eyes scan over his chest and she sees a thick scar on his collar bone, “What about that?”

“Huh?” you stand on your tiptoes and look at it, “I don’t know about that one.”

“Knife.” John says, “Had to stitch it myself.”

“Oh, my god.” she wipes a tear off her face and looks at you, “How do you do this?”

“Well, I’m always in a constant state of worry when it comes to John,” you wrap your arms around John’s waist and press kisses to his chest. “But I haven’t had to worry about that lately since he hasn’t had a job in a while.”

“Which is still my choice, by the way.” John pulls your arms around him tighter and laughs, “I’m fine, Tess.”

“Listen, I’m blaming everything on this baby.” she starts to sob and she covers her face again.

“Should I start calling you too?” he asks as he laughs.

Tess starts to laugh and exhales loudly, “This is so stressful, and he’s not even my husband!”

John looks over at you and smiles, “Should we head to bed?”

“Yeah.” you nod and John picks you up bridal style as you squeal loudly, “John! I don’t have any underwear on.”

“Ooh, that’s why you two were awake.” Tess nods and brings her bowl to the sink, “Wait…where the hell were you?”

“His car.” you laugh and press a kiss to John’s face.

“You two are wild, let me tell you.” she says, shaking her head.

“Definitely not.” you say and John bounces you in his arms. “Also, don’t think we didn’t hear you and Jimmy about 45 minutes ago.”

“Well, I heard you two talking earlier in the bathroom, so consider it payback.” she blurts out, then covers her mouth when she looks at John, “Sorry.”

John leans closer to your ear and whispers, “She…she heard us?”

You try your best to push the laughs down, but you tilt your head back laughing loudly, “Yeah, she did.”

“We’re going to bed now.” John says, quickly turning around, heading for the guest room.

Tess follows you through the living room and stops at the steps, “Goodnight, you two. Love you.”

“Goodnight.” you and John say together.

“Love you.” you say, waving at her.

Tess laughs loudly as she starts her way up the stairs, “I can see your ass, by the way.”

__

taglist: @keanubot @raveviolet @deviljoonie @cheekybluefox @ibelielveinmusic @avxgers @beyond-antares @hhighkey @lokismortallove @vladtoly @sanctuarygirl @daily-evanstan @chicksamwitch @star017 @lainalainalain

Sorry I’m so shit with tagging people. lmfao

[myhockeyworld87]

Star Light - Tyson Barrie

Requested: Yes

Word Count: 2176

Notes: Thought I’d share this piece I wrote for one of my friends. Inspired by Post Malone - Goodbyes. 

READER’S POV

 It was dark, but the sparse surrounding made it easy to move around. Picking up the piece of clothing off the floor, you discovered it wasn’t yours, but Tyson’s. Bringing it to your face you inhaled deeply, breathing in his scent one last time. You were no good at this; which is why you were sneaking out before the break of dawn. Dropping the garment, you collected yours; quietly putting them on. Grabbing your purse, you rummaged through it, finally finding the envelope you wanted. Stealthily you made your way back to the bed. Your eyes had finally adjusted to the dim light, and now you could see him resting peacefully. He looked so sweet in slumber; that it took every ounce of strength you had not to crawl back into bed with him. Dropping the envelope on the bare nightstand; you placed a gentle kiss on his head. One lonely tear falling from your eye as you made your way out the door.

 It wasn’t until you reached your car, did you open the floodgates and let them all flow. Part of you couldn’t believe this was happening. If someone would’ve asked you six months ago where you saw your life going; you’d have easily said you’d be right here by Tyson’s side in Denver. That was until your whole world came crashing down; the day he got traded to Toronto. You had always known that there was a chance; that at some point in his career this could happen. That it would come a little over a year in your relationship is what threw you. It was always your assumption that when it did happen, the two of you would be married, taking any decisions that needed to be made out of both your hands; however, both fate and the NHL were cruel.

Of course, you were there the day the call came in; saw the heartbreak written all over his face. You didn’t need to hear the words to know what had transpired. Tears streamed down both your faces; and for twenty-four hours neither of you spoke about it, wishing you’d wake up and find that this was all some nightmare. When reality set in, you waited for him to say something; hoping that he would ask you to go with him; he never did.

 Finally, when you couldn’t take the silence anymore, you voiced your concerns; remembering it like it was yesterday. “Tys, what does this mean for us?”

 When he didn’t answer right away, you wondered if he heard you; but finally, he spoke. A quiet response, barely a whisper. “I don’t know.”

 That was the moment you knew you’d lost him. If he didn’t ask you then, he never would. When he didn’t say anything more, you grabbed your bag and ran out the door. He tried to call you, as you drove aimlessly around for hours; you never answered. Eventually you landed back at your townhouse, exhausted; could tell he’d been there from the way things were rearranged. It didn’t really surprise you that he came there looking for you; you’d each had keys to the others home. You prayed he wasn’t still there; you weren’t ready for the confrontation.

 A note lay on the kitchen counter; it simply stated. “Call me – Tys” Crawling into bed, you let your mind go blank; grateful when sleep finally took you. Half of you expected him to be there when you woke; he wasn’t.  Ultimately, you headed over to his place; ready to see where things would go. He was on the phone when you arrived, making plans; plans that didn’t involve you. So, you slid his key off your chain, setting it on the island; then moved to where his were, taking yours back. It was inevitable after all, so why not avoid the pain that it would cause.

 When he finally hung up and looked at you; the look on your face told you everything you needed to know. It was over. He swore you could work through the distance; maybe you could, but you’d never know. After hours of discussing things, it was finally over; the only thing left was to say the words. “I’m no good at this Tys.” Those were the ones out of your mouth first.

 “You think I am (Y/N).”

 “So, then we won’t say it.” He nodded, arms reaching out to hold you. You went directly into them, for what you thought was the last time; then wordless left. The two of you kept in touch, text messages here and there; maybe a phone call now and then. It was hard to completely let go; which is how you found yourself in his bed. He had text, told you he’d be back in town for the move; that he wanted to see you wasn’t a surprise.

 The two of you had met up for dinner; you talked and laughed, it was just like old times. So, when you walked back to your car, it was only natural that you two started making out. And when he suggested that you go back to his place, one last time; there wasn’t even a choice. It had been everything. Sweaty limbs entangled, moans filling the air, kisses that you didn’t want to end; but most of all loving embraces. Yet still no promises were spoken; which is why you were alone now, heading back to your empty bed, to live a life that wouldn’t have Tyson in it.

  TYSON’S POV

 Why hadn’t you asked her to go with you? It was the first thing that popped into your head when you saw her tonight. She looked amazing, but then she always did. Which is why you couldn’t help yourself, and brought her back to your house, and to your bed. Thoughts of the last few hours filled your brain. You’d poured everything you had into your love making with her; letting your body tell her what your brain wouldn’t say. That you wanted her, needed her, couldn’t see life without her. Now, she was gone though; leaving you alone and aching.

 As the light of dawn filter through the windows, you saw it; an envelope with your name etched across the front. Slowly, as if it would disappear if you moved suddenly; you reached for it. Breaking the seal, you saw two sheets of paper; one covered in (Y/N)’s neat handwriting, the other more formal.

 Tys,

 I told you before I couldn’t say goodbye, truth is I still don’t know how. That’s why I’m writing you this. I want to tell you first and foremost, how much I love you; but more importantly how proud I am of you. I know that you’ll do great things in Toronto and with the Leafs. Hopefully, you’ll be able to achieve everything you’ve dreamed of there; I wish I could be there to see it. Know that I will be rooting for every goal you make, every point you score and cheering you on from afar. Though I’ll always be an Avs fan to the core; I’ll forever be a Tyson Barrie fan.

 Enclosed you’ll find another paper along with this letter. Though I know it’s corny I still did it anyhow. I bought a star and named it after us, The Tyson (Y/N) star. This way whenever either of us needs to feel close to the other, we can look to the sky and know that the other is looking down and watching. Hopefully the lights in Toronto won’t be so bright that you can’t see it. So, shine bright my sweet Tys, for I will be looking clear over in Denver for that star that is you.

 You’ve made the last year of my life, so amazing; and I am so blessed to have been your girlfriend even for that short time. I hope you find happiness Tys, and though it pains me, I hope you find a love that lasts to the ends of time. You’re this amazing, caring and loving person and you deserve someone who will give that all back to you. I only wish it could’ve been me.

 I guess Post Malone had it best in his new song when he said, “there’s no way I can save you cause I need to be saved to, I’m no good at goodbyes.” I wish I could be that person you call when your down or you want to share exciting news with, but I can’t Tys, not right now; maybe someday, but not now. It hurts too much, and I just don’t know if I can be there for you, when I don’t even know how to be there for myself right now. So, please don’t call me or text me; at least not right away. I need time, but know I love you. I love you so much, that I can let you go. Please do the same for me. Take care of yourself Tyson and do great things.

 All My Love

(Y/N)

 The letter fell from your hands, and with it your heart. She let you go, you weren’t prepared to do the same. Just like you needed air to breath, you needed this woman in your life. There would be no looking at the stars if she wasn’t by your side; for without her, everyday would be cloudy. You’d been wrong to not ask her to go with you. These last few weeks had proved that. The days were horrible without her; so, you put everything into training. Nights were worse, which is why you started calling her again; had to see her when you were here. Yet still you didn’t say the damn words. What the hell were you afraid of? She’d all but said in her letter that she wanted you to ask her to move to Toronto with you; though she’d never say the words themselves. Part of you was afraid she wouldn’t go. She had a great job, family, friends all here in Denver. How could you ask her to give that all up, for you? The other part of you was fearful you wouldn’t be enough. All you knew right now in this moment, was that you didn’t want to do it without her.

 So you got up, threw some clothes on, and headed out the door. You were half afraid she wouldn’t be home, but her car was in the drive. Knocking on the door, you called out; “(Y/N)…(Y/N)…open the door babe.” When she didn’t you continued; “we need to talk…please just open the door.”

 You hear her on the opposite side of the door, yet she didn’t open it. Instead she said, “Please, just go Tys. I can’t do this.”

 She was crying, you could hear it in her voice. “Just open the damn door (Y/N).” Begging you added, “please baby…I’m not leaving until you do. I don’t care if it takes a day, a week or a year.” Finally, the door cracked open; sweeping inside, you weren’t going to give her a chance to close it. You tried to reached for her, but she side stepped you; moving out of your grasp. She folded her arms across her chest; protecting herself from any words you would speak. You blew out a long breath. “I read your letter.”

 “Then why are you here, Tys. I asked for some space.”

 “I can’t give you that, (Y/N). I love you; I can’t let you go.” She didn’t say anything, just shed more tears. “I’m an idiot, (Y/N). The moment I got the call, I should’ve asked you to go with me; I don’t know why I didn’t. I can only say that I was afraid you wouldn’t go. It’s a lot to ask, you’d be giving up friends, family and a great job; all for me. But I should’ve at least asked. I should’ve let you make that choice, instead of not giving you one at all.” You started to pace back and forth. “I was a fool, that’s my only excuse; but I’m here now. I’m asking you now, please babe, come to Toronto with me. We can build a life together, just the two of us. I know it’ll be hard, and there will be times when I’m on the road for long periods of time. But I can fly you home then, or we’ll work something out. I just know that I don’t want to do this without you by my side. Say you’ll come with me?”

 She still didn’t speak; moving towards her, you ran your hands up and down her arms. Eyes staring into hers. A slight smile finally played across her lips. “Yes, Tys! Yes I’ll go with you.” Crushing her mouth to yours, you kissed her, pouring all your love into it. She startled you when she pulled back abruptly. “Ugh, now that star seems super corny.”

 You chuckled at her remark. “No babe, the star is perfect. It shines bright, just like our love is going to.”

[spellcastersjudgement]

please could you do fusionshipping and number 7?

*takes drag of cigarette* fusionshipping, you say? that was baby froots oh tee pee growing up…this one is gonna bring back a lot of super gay sixth grade headcanons and feelings and u know what?? im glad  

#7: a kiss to shut them up 

Jaden Yuki was like the sun. Warm, bright, a symbol of happiness and growth. Zane wasn’t cliche enough to state that he was the moon or something, but Atticus supplied that for him. His best friend had a goldmine of of gross poetic things to say about the differences between himself and Jaden, and if Zane wasn’t a closet romantic and desperately pining for the other duelist, he would’ve backhanded Atticus with enough force to give him whiplash. 

That wouldn’t be the only reason Atticus Rhodes needed to be backhanded. He’d been earning his comeuppance for several years now. 

“Hey, look over there,” 

Zane heard Atticus’s voice at his shoulder and smelled a scheme, but humored his best friend and looked over to where Atticus had jerked his head. 

Jaden Yuki had just walked into the convention center, duel disk on his arm, other arm linked through Jesse Anderson’s. Jim and Hassleberry were a few steps behind them, also with duel disks–that was a bit surprising, as Zane hadn’t seen either of their names on the registration for the tournament. They wouldn’t be competing in the same bracket, so Zane didn’t think too much of it. They wouldn’t have been good competition anyway. There was another issue though. If Jaden had all of them here, plus Syrus as his manager, it would– 

“Damn, we’re not gonna get any alone time with him,” Atticus grumbled. They were at the bar, day drinking to survive the opening ceremonies for the tournament, which was too much talking and not enough card games for Zane. 

Though he was loathe to agree with Atticus, Zane could privately admit that Jaden showing up with his entourage would mean that he would have less time with the brunette. “We?” 

“Yeah, we, Zaney. You and Jaden see each other all the time at the super high-level tournaments, but you never make any moves without me bugging you,” Atticus downed his drink and signaled the bartender for another. “Now I have to work on separating Jaden from the pack and then I have to make sure you do your job of actually flirting with him instead of just staring at him and hoping he gets the message,” 

“Stop strategizing.” Zane ordered. 

“Zane, if you would get off your ass and actually–” 

“I’ll see Jaden at the next tournament, this one doesn’t matter.” Zane grumbled, knowing that Atticus wouldn’t take him seriously but saying it out of principle. 

“This one does matter–come on, I need you two together while I’m still young!” Atticus said, throwing up his hands, exasperated. 

“He doesn’t like me, Rhodes,” 

“You don’t know that!” Atticus started on his typical spiel of how Zane wasn’t a mind reader, how he’d never know the joys of love if he didn’t risk experiencing pain, that Jaden was single and put up with Zane’s shit, which was more than Zane should expect from anyone. 

“Come on, you two are perfect–sun and moon remember? Yin and yang? Do I have to read my poems to you again?” Atticus threatened. 

“Read me a poem and I’m cutting off your hair,” 

“You say that all the time, Zaney–my hair is still as long and beautiful as ever.” Atticus’s took a sip from his fourth drink of the afternoon. “Look, you get blasted, you flirt with him, tell him how you feel–a year from now you’ll be Mr. and Mr. Yuki-Truesdale and I get to officiate the wedding,” 

Jaden Yuki-Truesdale did have a nice ring to it. 

“I’m not doing that,” Zane said, mostly because even in his most private fantasies of Jaden and him being together Atticus Rhodes was not the one marrying them. He’d already slated Alexis for that position. 

Atticus wasn’t paying attention anymore, he was laying a hand over his heart, smiling, a faraway, dreamy look in his eyes.  “Come on, come on–opening ceremonies tonight. Picture this: sit next to him, take his hand, look down into those big, beautiful eyes, stroke his cheek, tower over him on your spider legs and whisper: Jaden Yuki, will you do me the honor of being my Eternal Sunshine?” 

“Shut the fuck up,” Zane snapped, feeling a blush coming on. Eternal Sunshine. What a name. What a fitting name.

“You two would be adorable–you with your goth aesthetic,’ Atticus motioned to  Zane’s all-black ensemble, the makeup, the nails, the choker. “And him, with his boy-next-door aesthetic–adorable! It’s the season for love!” 

“It’s midwinter,” 

“All seasons are seasons for love, you frigid bitch,” Atticus huffed, shoving Zane’s shoulder. “Look, I’m going to go distract everyone and–” 

“Atticus if you set me up with Jaden I’m going to smother you with a pillow,” 

“Now that’s a threat I believe,” Atticus said. “That’s why I made sure your manager booked us separate hotel rooms this time,” 

Atticus dropped the subject–sort of. He was now alternating between drinking and swiping through pictures of Chazz, and Zane would be lying if it didn’t make him jealous to hear his best friend gushing over his boyfriend. They were nearly impossible to stomach when they were together, what with Atticus coming up with nicknames and breaking out into song at every available opportunity. Zane had known Chazz for a long time, and when they’d gotten together he’d hoped the black-haired boy, who was always ragging on Jaden for being over-the-top, would bring Atticus’s antics to a grinding halt. He felt betrayed when Chazz started blushing and thanking Atticus for all of his romanticism instead of chastising him. 

In a moment of weakness, probably brought on by the alcohol, Zane reflected upon how maybe he should let Atticus help him out with Jaden.

The moment was gone in an instant. That would be a horrible idea. 

“Hey, hey, hey,” Atticus whispered excitedly. “Eternal Sunshine at 6 o’clock,” 

“Don’t you–” 

It was too late. Atticus was already slapping down cash on the bar and standing up. “Hey there, Jaden! You know where the bathroom is?” 

“Hey Atticus!” Jaden’s voice sent a jolt of happiness through Zane, and he took another drink to calm the frantic beating of his heart. “Jesse’s heading to the bathroom now, just follow the blue hair,” 

Zane saw Jaden sink down into Atticus’s empty chair. “Hey Zane,” 

He swallowed another mouthful of gin and tonic before responding. “Nice to see you,” 

“What’s it been, a week?” Jaden laughed, leaning his elbow against the bar. “Didn’t expect you to be competing in an open-entry tournament,” 

“Atticus wanted to enter,” Zane tried not to think of sunshine and seasons of love as Jaden laughed again. 

“He bring Chazz with him?” 

“Chazz is halfway around the world with Alexis and Bastion,” 

“Oh yeah, Prague. Bastion told me about it, I didn’t think Chazzeroo was going with them,” Jaden picked up the drink menu, no doubt looking for something fruity and sweet, something Zane would never touch with a ten foot pole. Another thing Atticus liked to wax poetic about–only he could make something corny and romantic out of drink orders. 

“We should go to Prague,” 

Zane nearly choked on his drink as his mind rared into overdrive. His mind knew that logically the second half of that sentence was “for a tournament,” but his heart desperately wanted it to be for more personal reasons. Mr. and Mr. Yuki-Truesdale–damn Atticus for bringing the thought to the forefront of his mind (he’d thought of it before, certainly, but only late at night when he was feeling especially lonely, not in broad daylight with Jaden sitting right next to him)–on honeymoon in Prague. Not his first choice, he’d always imagined it on a beach somewhere, but if that’s what Jaden wanted–

This train of thought was strangely reminiscent of Atticus. They weren’t–god they weren’t even together, let alone married. One step at a time. 

Or zero steps at a time because you won’t do anything, Atticus’s voice–when had he gotten in here?–echoed in Zane’s head. 

“You alright, Zane?” Jaden asked, leaning forward, concern in his eyes–here he remembered Atticus comparing the color to some chocolate he’d bought for Chazz–and Zane was ready to swear off alcohol for the rest of his life if it was going to cause him to think of Atticus Rhodes. 

“Um, yeah, I’m good,” Zane said. “So you were saying we–that, uh, we should go to Prague,” 

“Oh yeah, I bet it’d be awesome!” Jaden thanked the bartender for the fluorescent pink daiquiri, picking up the cherry and popping it into his mouth. Zane nearly passed out at the images in his head. “I don’t know anything about it, but it’d be an adventure–think about it, two Americans lost in the Czech Republic, can’t read anything, only armed with our duel disks and wits–sounds like a movie,” 

“The only movies I’ve seen that take place in the Czech Republic are horror movies,” Zane said. That’s not the kind of movie he wanted to make with Jaden. 

God, bad choice of words. 

“You’d keep me safe–no one messes with Zane Truesdale,” Jaden smiled, and Zane–well he would have to agree with him. If anyone laid a hand on Jaden Yuki in his presence it would be the last thing they ever did.  

“Tell Syrus to register you in a tournament and I’ll tell my manager to resister me,” Zane said. 

“Tournament?” 

He looked up from his drink at Jaden’s surprised tone. He felt a glimmer of hope, praying that he wasn’t about to get it dashed. He had to play this cool, no matter what he was feeling. “I thought we were talking about competing together,” 

“What? Oh, no, um,” Jaden’s face, the pretty face that had both haunted and blessed Zane’s dreams, was bright red, his lush, coral pink bottom lip–god, he was starting to sound like Atticus again–between his teeth, his eyes to the floor, lush eyelashes brushing against his cheekbones. “That’s not–not what I meant,” 

Oh god. 

Zane let himself feel a bit more hopeful, sit up a little straighter, lean in toward the brunette. 

He was speechless, but Jaden couldn’t seem to stop the words from stumbling out of his mouth. “I’m so–oh god, um–I meant like, together, but not–I was talking with Jesse last night and then Alexis called me and Bastion–they all said that–that I should–even Syrus said that–I’m sorry Zane I thought that you–I thought that you liked me–I’m so–” 

For Zane, it felt as if time had stopped. Jaden–his Eternal Sunshine–returned his feelings. 

Jaden was still talking, wildly gesticulating, his drink sloshing out of the glass and staining his sleeve. Zane–Zane could listen to Jaden talk all night, had done so many times while they were together at tournaments, but right now he wanted Jaden to stop talking, but–but Zane couldn’t speak, couldn’t tell Jaden how much–

Well there was something else. 

“I just–I don’t want this to change our friendship and–” 

Jaden was still going. Zane stood up–spider legs, like Atticus said–put his hand, which he saw rather than felt, on Jaden’s chin, feeling the softness of his skin, brown eyes wide and surprised as Zane leaned down–

In all of his musings about what it would be like to kiss Jaden, Zane never expected a spontaneous kiss to surpass his perfectly constructed fantasies. 

The brunette’s lips weren’t soft like he expected–they were chapped, rough, the texture a delicious contrast to Zane’s silky lipstick. The fruity flavor of the drink lingered on his lips, and Zane could learn to love the taste if it was being served to him from Jaden’s mouth. 

Enthusiastic by nature, Jaden quickly recovered from the surprise to throw his arms around Zane’s neck, bringing them closer together–there was the sound of glass breaking and Zane could hear the remnants of Jaden’s drink dripping on to the floor. A tongue forced its way into Zane’s mouth, a hand buried into Zane’s hair, teeth clacked together–Zane was dizzy with alcohol and the sensation of having Jaden Yuki in his arms, kissing him with wild abandon, and wouldn’t be surprised if he’d keeled over and woken up to find this was all a dream. 

When Jaden pulled away, blue lipstick smeared on his chin, he knew it wasn’t. 

“So, uh–wanna make Prague our first vacation as a couple?” Jaden laughed, smiling. 

“Yes,” Zane choked out, stroking the side of Jaden’s face. “Yes, my Eternal Sunshine,” 

He realized what he’d said a moment later when Atticus’s laughed interrupted the moment. 

“Another plan well-executed!” Atticus praised himself. “I’ll go search for plane tickets to Prague,” 

“Hey, hey Addy,” Jaden called. “Be sure to book mine under Eternal Sunshine!” 

Zane was going to kill Atticus–he wanted to smack that self-satisfied grin off his face. 

After he got back from Prague, of course. 

[flooofer]

My Usual Day in Quarantine

8:30 am, I wake up in my bed clinging to a pillow, I felt the sun brushing my eyelids from the window. It is a bright sunny morning, not to mention windy too as the wind dashes into the room. I slid into my slippers, walked to the kitchen where my mother is, cooking breakfast for the both of us. I greet her good morning and she greets me back with her smile as bright as a thousand suns.

9:10 am me and mom both eat breakfast as we talk about anything that we felt was relevant to talk about as of the moment, such as the pleasant weather and how pretty the outside world looked from the window.

9:50 am, my mom leaves for work, I kissed her cheeks and hugged her before she left. I went back to my room, laid down, and turned on the tv. My phone pings, an internet friend messages me, "Morning!!!" including a bunch of heart emojis at the end, it was Kookie, I proceeded to have a conversation with her.

11:30 am, the weather starting to affect me, my body heated up and sweat, I am a pancake being fried in oil. I ended my chat with Kookie saying "hey, the heat is starting to kill me, AHAHAHAH GTG take a bath, TTYL!!" and she responds with "ok, don't slip and die LOL JK ok TTYL." that is her usual response whenever I had to go take a bath, nonetheless it still makes me crack up.

12:10 pm, I got out of the bathroom, felt like both of my body and mind had a refresh. My dad comes home with his things from work.

12:30 pm, cooked me lunch, scrambled eggs, and hotdogs, thereafter I go to my room with my lunch. I enjoy my meal while watching YouTube videos on the tv. My aunt comes back home for work and she gives me snacks she bought on her way home.

2:00 pm, I force myself to get up from bed to do the chores my mom told me to do, I started with sweeping the floor then eventually washing the dishes while also listening to music so it'll get me enthusiastic about what I'm doing.

3:00 pm, I finished my chores, and it was finally my favorite time of the day, my drawing time! I am as excited as a kid hearing his favorite ice cream truck passing by. I plugged in my computer, and turned it on, then grabbed the digital tablet and its pen. I began drawing with music playing in the background from an opened YouTube tab.

5:00 pm, my dad leaves to fetch my mom from work, I take a short break from drawing to make myself sweet milk tea, it's so tasty that I nearly forgot my name, the taste continued to dance in my tongue.

6:30 pm, Finally I finished the artwork, I stretched to induce the pain in my back and my neck from drawing for a long period. I pass the artwork to my phone so I can upload it on Instagram later, I turn off the computer and stood up from the chair to sit down on the living room sofa. My parents come home, and I greet them a "welcome back home!", I also ask them for a 'bless', I help them carry their things to put them on the chair. My parents would then go to the kitchen to prepare dinner, I go to my room to rest after a productive long day.

7:00 pm, my mother calls me when the food is finally ready, I and my aunt hurriedly walk to the dinner table because of our hunger. I lead a prayer before we began to dig into our meals.

7:15 pm, I’m finished eating dinner, I go back to my room so I could relax and lay down. My phone pings, once again it's Kookie, "Heyyyyy" she then proceeds to ask, "how are you?" and we both start to talk about how our day was and frequently joke around about other things.

9:00 pm, I post my artwork on my Instagram and Facebook, then continued laying down, watching tv, while still holding a conversation with my online friend.

10:30 pm, I get up to brush my teeth in front of the sink, that is all I do before my bedtime, I don't wash my face since I'm a lazy whale. I go to my parents’ room to tell them good night since they'll be sleeping earlier than I am.

11:00 pm, I start to get sleepy and let out a yawn, I place a pillow beside me, another one under my legs and wrapped myself in a blanket, this sort of atmosphere makes me feel soft, comfy, and of course even sleepier than I already was. I message my online friend, telling me I'm about to sleep, we both greet each other our goodnights, sweet dreams, and all that sweet corny stuff you tell your friends when you're going to sleep. I stare at the ceiling and wonder what I should do the next day, I want my remaining days to be fun, I want to not regret any of my time when school starts, as they say, "time is gold" I wouldn't want to waste my time. I pray to God before I sleep, I thank him for the day I had and hope that tomorrow would be as good or better, with that done, I end my day and fall into slumber.

[weizhentian]

This song makes me think of a She-ra AU that’s a cross between the 80s cartoon and the DC comics MOTU universe where Adora grows up as Despara, the evil goth She-ra.

In the world hinted at by this song Hordak was a bastard child, Horde Prime’s half brother who broke up his parents’ marriage. Therefore he was “doing evil even from a baby carriage”.

Adora doesn’t grow up to be the virtuous person she was in the 80s, but someone filled with doubt, who feels like she can’t bond properly with others.

The lyrics discuss abuse, sexual and not:

In a dream I was a werewolf My soul was filled with crystal light Lavender ribbons of rain sang Ridding my heart of mortal fright Of mortal fright

Broken sundown, fatherless showdown Gun hip swollen lip bottle sip yeah I suck dick Loose grip on gravity falls, sky blinding crumbling walls River sweep away my memories of Children's things, a young mother's love Before the yearning song of flesh on flesh Young hearts burst open wounds bleed fresh A young brother skinny and tall my older walks Ocean ward and somber, slumber sleeping Flowers in the water, but I'm just his daughter Walking down an icy grave, leading to my Schizophrenic father Weeping willow won't you wallow louder Searching for my father's power

I'm a shake you off though Get up on that horse and Ride into the sunset Look back with no remorse

He's a black magic wielder, some say, a witch Wielded darkness when he was wilin' on his mom's Unborn child and he was the bastard that broke Up the marriage evil doer doing evil from a baby carriage And he was born with the same blue eyes Crystal ships dripping with ice, diamonds coruscate In the night fireworks electric bright And now he's got his own two sons Tries to hide his tears in a world of fun But loveless bedrooms filled with doom Bring silent heartache July to June Swoon over new young hot flame Mourn the memories later Laugh now, alligator

In a dream, my father came to me And made me swear that I'd keep What's sacred to me And if I get the choice to live in his name I'll pray my way through the rain Singing "oh happy day"

I don't mean to close the door But for the record, my heart is sore You blew through me like bullet holes Left stains on my sheets and stains on my soul You left me broke down begging for change Had to catch a ride with a man who's deranged He had your hands and my father's face Another western vampire Different time, same place I has dreams that brings me sadness Rain much deeper than a river Sorrow flow through me Tiny waves of shivers Corny movies make me reminisce They break me down easy on this generic love shit First kiss frog and princess

I'm a shake you off though Get up on that horse and Ride into the sunset Look back with no remorse

[mystic-messenger-writing]

sorry if u've done this already but can u do an RFA react to finding out MC is suicidal/mentally ill and self harms? or at least one with saeyoung specifically! u don't have to do it if ur uncomfortable tho!!

Okay real talk time: self-harm is never the answer. I know from personal experience that purposely harming yourself doesn’t help you out in the long run. People always say that things get better and they honestly do, even if it takes some time things do get better. I’m not proud of my own self-harm scars but when I look at them, they always remind me that life truly got better. I sincerely hope that you’re doing okay anonny and if you aren’t, please don’t turn to self-harm. Even if it seems like no one in the world cares about you, remember that my and all of the Mystic Messenger characters love you and want to see you happy! Alright enough of my rambling, thank you for the request and I hope that you enjoy!! ^^

Yoosung

Yoosung watched as you sighed sadly yet again from your spot on the couch

It seemed to him that you were upset, more than usual lately and it concerned him since you were usually such a cheerful person

He tried his absolute best to get an answer out of you but you always dismissed his questions, blaming your mood on random things

When he asked you yet again what was wrong, you felt frustrated at yourself and got up to go to your bedroom

Yoosung felt defeated, you always seemed to never want to talk to him or go out with him anymore and it hurt that you never turned to him for help

As you were leaving the room, Yoosung grabbed onto your wrist accidentally pushing up your long sleeve

His eyes went wide in horror as he saw he multiple self-harm scars that littered your skin, some old and some new

At that moment, Yoosung hated himself for not noticing sooner so instead of words, he pulled you in for the tightest hug of your life

Yoosung didn’t let go for a long time, but when he did, he used a shaky hand to wipe away your tears as he gave you a sweet kiss and even sweeter words of support

“I’m so sorry that I didn’t notice your scares sooner MC. I love you so much, I don’t want you to ever feel like you’re alone okay? I’ll do absolutely anything to help you, just say the word and Superman Yoosung will be there for you!”

Zen

Zen had assumed that your real life self would be like your chatroom self, bright and bubbly but he was mistaken

You seemed to wear a fake smile, like a mask that only Zen could see and it truly broke his heart

He would try to do anything to see a real smile from you from shameless using cheesy pick-up lines to buying you your favorite flowers

But nothing seemed to work as you continued to put on a fake mask every single day, and Zen wanted a it to stop

One day when you were doing some minor cleaning, Zen tried to ask if you needed help, that his services weren’t limited to cleaning

Yet again you wore that fake smile that Zen hated, he was about to turn leave the room until he saw you push up you sleeves slightly to reveal scars

Zen had once played the role of a depressed man and knew exactly how you got those scars, they were self-inflicted

Before you knew it, Zen picked you up bridal style and carried you to the bedroom then gently removed your shirt

Without a word, Zen placed feather-light kisses to every single scar you had, murmuring words like ‘beautiful,’ ‘amazing,’ ‘wonderful,’ and ‘perfection’

His words and act of love brought tears to your eyes as he laid down next to you, making you cuddle into his chest as you listened to his loving words

“Please don’t feel like you’re less than perfect MC, you are literal perfection. I love you with every ounce of my being so please, no more hurting yourself. I promise to always be here to love and support you my princess.”

Jaehee

Jaehee had an uneasy feeling in her stomach when you refused yet again to leave the bed

You seemed to never want to leave, only for the occasional bathroom breaks and even rarer food runs

At first, Jaehee just assumed that you had a rough day and needed some rest except your routine of staying in bed all day has lasted over a week

Jaehee knew something serious must be wrong, she’d sometimes walk by and hear you softly crying

She really had no idea what to do anymore so she decided to just go for it and ask you directly what was going on

When she opened the door, Jaehee slowly sat next to your sleeping form on the bed, she was at least happy that you were sleeping instead of crying

But Jaehee noticed that you sleep shirt’s sleeve had been slightly pulled up and revealed your self-harm cuts

Jaehee let out a gasp and felt the tears forming, her bodies startled you awake

She wrapped you up in a loving hug as she continued to cry into your shoulder, saying how sorry she was and repeated how much she loved you over and over again

Jaehee let out a shaky breath as she gave you a long and loving kiss, she wanted her feelings of support and love to be shown through the kiss along with her words of support

“I should have been more here for you MC, I’m so sorry that I wasn’t. But I want you to know that you can use me as a shoulder to lean on whenever you need to. You do not have to go through this alone, please remember that I will always be here for you.”

Jumin

Jumin knew that he and the other members were excessive when it came to asking if you ate your proper meals on the messenger, but now he’s glad that they all did

You would never eat around Jumin or even when he was at work and his staff watched you push your plate away from you

Not only would you refuse to eat, Jumin noticed how sad you were through your eyes, they seemed lifeless and hollow

Jumin tried bluntly asking you about what was going on and if you needed to see a doctor or therapist but you would only shake your head and never leave the penthouse

It truly hurt Jumin’s heart to see you in such a state of despair and sorrow, he truly wanted to help you be he had no idea how

One day Jumin received a call while at work from one of his staff members that informed him you almost passed out from lack of energy and locked yourself in your bedroom

Never in his life has Jumin made Driver Kim drive, knowing that you were in pain all alone made Jumin’s heart race with regret for leaving

Jumin burst through the locked bedroom door with his desire to help you plus the door was surprisingly thin

He found you curled up in a ball and staring at some weird marks on your arm

You didn’t even bother making eye contact with Jumin as you let some tears slip past your eyes

Jumin was quickly at your side, kissing your tears away but stopped once he noticed what exactly was on your arm

Your self-harm scars were all Jumin needed to have the pieces click together for him and before either one of you knew it, Jumin started crying

Jumin took you in his arms, cradling you in his lap and he gently rocked you back and forth as he placed small kisses on your forehead, whispering his words of apologies and love

“I’m such a fool for not realizing it sooner MC and for that I apologize. You’re the strongest, funniest, most amazing person that I know that doesn’t deserve this pain. I will get you any and all the help that you need but until then, know that I will always be here for you my dear.”

Seven

Seven knew it

He was sure that you were in pain, that you felt all alone, that you thought no one was there for you

Seven understood because he felt the same whenever he left his brother and fell into his own depression

So he dawned the 707 mask and tried to do anything to help you from telling corny jokes to attacking you with tickle fights

But it seemed like nothing would improve, you would fake laugh, a sound that Seven despised more than anything, and thank Seven for his efforts

The pain of seeing you so depressed made Seven’s heart ache so he decided to put an end to your internal suffering

He came home one day, cheerily calling your name as he held some bright flowers in one hand and a new fluffy blanket for cuddles in the other

When he didn’t get a response, Seven quickly started panicking and searched the house for you, terrified as to where you were

Seven turned to the bathroom door and noticed the light was on, praying to every God known to man that you were alright in there as he busted through the door

But what he saw ripped his heart out, you were sitting on the floor with a bloody blade to your wrist

He immediately knocked the blade from your hand and crushed you with a hug, he should have known sooner about your self-harm but he didn’t and now he was paying the price

Seven didn’t saw a word as he helped clean you up and carried you to the bedroom

He made you lay down so that your ear was next to his heartbeat as he ran his slender fingers through your hair

Seven cupped your cheeks and wiped your newly formed tears away as he professed his his love and support to you

“If you ever feel sad or alone, remember that my heart, the one you’re listening to know, beats because you’re with me. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that you’re happy and healthy MC. I know that life can be tough but remember that I love you more than words can describe so live on MC.”

[dancingalone21]

That’s My Girl

Summary: Jensen breaks your plans for the evening but the sly bastard makes it up to you.

Prompt: “That’s not a good enough reason to get married.”

Characters: moviestar!Jensen x Reader

Requested: @arryn-nyx

~

"I can't believe you're bailing on me!"

"I promise I'll make it up to you, Y/N!" Of course Jensen subjects you to his dazzling signature smile, the one that reminds you of kittens and rainbows and all of that corny shit.

He drags you in for an insanely tight hug as if that will make your moodiness disappear. Well, the joke's on you because it's starting to work. Damn his perfect physique. How are you supposed to stay pissed when an attractive man who smells delicious is touching you? 

You gather up enough super strength to shake those distracting thoughts away. There's no way in hell that you're letting him off the hook this time. Nice try, buddy.

But Jensen's only wearing a thin, white t-shirt, allowing you to feel every one of his god damn muscles. Fuck. The man knows what he's doing, his hotness has gotten him out of more than you'd like to admit. To be fair, it definitely works both ways. All you have to do is bite your bottom lip and he's fucking putty in your hands. Silly boy.

"Whatever, Ackles." You abruptly abandon the embrace, ignoring the pitiful pout on your best friend's full lips.

Tonight's festivities have annoyingly been put on hold, the plans you've both had for weeks are now fucking ruined. It was supposed to be just you and Jensen for the entire evening. No work, no bullshit, no drama. Nothing but a bottle of Jack, delicious homemade nachos and a long list of cheesy Matthew McConaughey rom coms. Sigh.

"My publicist wrangled me an invite last minute to the CMT Music Awards. So I need to make an appearance on the red carpet for a shit ton of interviews. You know my new movie is coming out soon, sweetheart. It's free publicity."

"But it's a country music awards show." You scrunch up your face adorably, automatically stealing Jensen's current thought. Lately that's all it takes for him to be completely enamored by you.  

"Country music fans watch movies ya know. Especially ones with yours truly." Jensen cackles hoping you'll join in on his goofiness. You don't.

"It's your job. I get it." You sigh deeply, navigating your way down the staircase to where the home bar is located on the first floor. It's frustrating times like this, when you're grateful to have a plethora of alcohol at your disposal.

"I know the whole red carpet thing makes you nervous, otherwise I'd take you with me." Jensen stresses, refusing to just leave you be.

"Dude. Get out of my ass." You spin around, practically colliding into the green eyed man behind you.

"I don't want you to be mad at me, Y/N."

"Normally I wouldn't care but your schedule lately has been busy as fuck. We have to make plans to stay in and watch a movie for christ's sake."

"Trust me, I know. I don't like it anymore than you do. On the bright side, the movie's coming out in a couple of weeks so I'll soon have time off."

"I know, Jay." You defeatedly pour yourself a large drink, responding coldly to the wounded animal expression on his face.

"I ordered pizza. We can at least have dinner together!" Jensen shoots you a playful grin making you momentarily forget that you're aggravated. Again.

The doorbell suddenly chimes, snapping you out of the mesmerizing trance known as the Ackles charm. Saved by the fucking bell.

You weave around your intoxicating roommate, rolling your eyes at the noise of his boots hot on your trail. If you're gonna end up with a stalker, you suppose having a handsome one like Jensen is the way to go.

Expecting to see a pimple-faced delivery boy at the door, you quirk an brow as your eyes take in the sight before you. Jared Padalecki's here and he's holding a mother fucking pizza.

"What's up, kiddo!" Jared quickly pecks your cheek, barely slowing down as he strolls right on into the house. It's safe to say there's a huge scowl gracing your features as you stomp over to Jensen.

"Why is Jared here?" You whisper, grabbing a hold of his firm bicep.

"I invited him over for pizza. Is that bad?" Jensen cocks his head like a perplexed German Shepherd.

"I literally can't with you right now." You blow past him into the kitchen, automatically shoving a piece of pizza into your mouth. You may or may not be an emotional eater. And you may or may not being fucking emotional right now.

Jared directs a smirk at Jensen who's now inhaling a large slice himself, "Don't stuff yourself with too much pizza, Ackles. You wanna be ready and willing for your date tonight."

"I know, right! She's crazy hot." Your best friend replies mumbling with his mouth full.

"You're taking someone to the awards?" You ask nonchalantly, as if your stomach didn't just do a friggin somersault.

"Yeah my manager thinks it's better than me showing up solo. It's cool with me. She's sexy as hell. And funny too." Jensen obnoxiously wiggles his eyebrows in your direction, close to earning himself a punch in the gut.

"Seriously, man. She's gorgeous. If I were you, I'd propose tonight. Lock it down asap!" Jared throws his napkin down dramatically, as if that drives his point home. You're surrounded by dumb asses.

"That's not a good enough reason to get married, Padalecki. I need to test drive the car first before I buy it."

"He means sex." Jared stupidly informs you. Yeah no shit, dipstick.

"Who the fuck are you two idiots talking about?" You blurt out, freezing at the way the words stumbled out of your mouth. You didn't sound jealous, right?

Damn it.

"Jenna Moore. She plays a supporting role in my movie. She's new to the business, so it's her first major motion picture."

"She's talented...definitely has some nice assets." Jared cracks, mischievously rubbing his palms together.

"And that's my cue. Have fun gossiping, whores. I'm going to binge watch Schitt's Creek." Without a second glance, you steal one more piece of pizza and get the fuck out of there.

Is there a strong possibility that you're secretly harboring feelings for your best friend? Well duh. Anyone with half a brain can tell at this point, except for said best friend of course.

Whatever. You've been staring blankly at the TV screen for the past hour, trying to contemplate your wonderful life choices. Then a knock on your bedroom door breaks your concentration.

"Hey." Jensen pops his head in, appearing strangely nervous although you keep that information to yourself.

"I know you're mad at me. Hopefully I can make up for it."

"We shall see." You sass side eyeing him, pulling a quiet growl from his chest.

"Come on. Follow me." Your best friend waves you over towards the door but you refuse to budge.

"What?"

"Come on, Y/N. Pleaseee."

"For the love of all things holy, Ackles. This better be good." You groan theatrically, chucking your blanket onto the floor before lazily leaving the room.

Jensen's nervousness grows by the second as he leads you down the hall to a huge guest bedroom. He hesitates for a split second before swinging the door open and heading inside. 

You see three pretty women, you'd guess probably in their 30s and they are all smiling brightly in your direction. Dafuq?!

"Y/N...this is Kelsey, Tina and Jen."

“Um...hi." You mutter with a strained smile. "What's happening right now, Jay?"

"Kelsey's gonna do your hair, Tina's doing your makeup and Jen will help you with your outfit." Jensen claps his hands loudly, looking beyond thrilled.

"....What."

"You're my date to the CMT's!"

"What the fuck...what about the stupid actress? Did she bail on you?" You cross your arms over your chest, making Jensen snicker loudly. Fantastic.

"No, babe. She was never my date. The studio wanted me to take Jenna but I said no. I want to take my favorite girl." He admits sheepishly, a light shade of pink covering his cheeks.

"And you thought springing it on me like this would be a good idea?"

"Yes...maybe...I don't know." Jensen stutters adorably, running his hands through his hair. Deciding you both need some privacy, he asks the three women to wait downstairs before pulling you over to the couch.

"I know you're not big on the celebrity thing, like all the attention that comes with being out in public with me. But I'm also a stubborn fucker and I want you to be on my arm tonight."

"I literally want to smack you." You whine, shoving him in the shoulder. He instantly shoves you back, making you both burst out laughing.

"I know. I figured if it was a last minute surprise...you wouldn't have time to get too nervous about it. Or get too pissed at me. So what do you say? Be my date?"

"I suppose..."

"Sweet!" Jensen jumps up, lifting you off of the the ground in a bone crushing hug.

"Lord help me." You groan smushing your face into his hard chest, realizing this could easily turn into a horrible idea.

"I'm gonna send the girls in and they can help you get ready. I even picked a dress for you!" Jensen's energy is annoyingly infectious, so you choose to just go along with this crazy idea.

Getting your hair and makeup professionally done is actually pretty fucking fun. You could totally get used to this kind of pampering. Although Jen won't let you see your dress until it's time to get changed and it's driving you mad.

You're silently praying that you'll like what Jensen handpicked for you. Finally after laying out your matching high heels and jewelry, she reveals what you've been waiting for.

Your mouth drops at the gorgeous, multi-colored gown with a hip high slit placed in front of you. That boy did fucking good. Real good. You're now starting to get weirdly excited for tonight, even if it ends up going bad at least you'll look awesome.

The girls take care of some finishing touches before wishing you well. Now it's just you and Jensen left in the house, it's nerve racking since he hasn't seen you yet.

You tell yourself to stop being a major pussy and head downstairs to where he's waiting for you. Seeing him in his dark maroon suit is giving your mind all sorts of naughty ideas.

"Holy shit, Y/N. You look incredible!" Jensen's practically drooling at the sight of you and you're pleasantly surprised at his reaction. Taking your hand, he twirls you around causing a giggle to escape your lips.

"So will you be my date?" Jensen wonders wrapping his arm around your waist.

"Um I think we already established that." You chuckle, gesturing down at your fancy attire.

"I mean like a real date. Like more than friends."

"Really..."

"Hell yeah. You're my best friend, Y/N. I can't see myself with anyone else. You're beautiful and hilarious and just...amazing." He takes advantage of your shocked state by crashing his lips into yours. You gotta give it to him, he's definitely turned this night around.

"You ready for our first date, gorgeous?"

"I'd rather pizza and beer but I suppose an award show will do." You tease hooking your arm with his.

"That's my girl." Jensen happily agrees with a smirk, leading the way.

~

[spn67-sister]

The Truth About Adam Pt 5

The Truth about Adam part 5 Summary: Sam, Dean, sister, Adam, Crowley when Sam and Adam fell into the pit/cage, as in she was there and watched, there since the beginning. Y/N: 23 Adam: 24 Sam: 26 Dean: 28 Warning: Language, spoilers? If you haven’t watched up to season 5/6. THIS WILL BE THE FINAL PART!!! Thank you to everyone who read this! This was originally two, so sorry if it is on the longer side!

-------------------------------------------------------- Deans POV

Cas told us he would be back. He promised he would come back with a cure. If only he would get back here faster. It’s been almost 3 weeks and Y/n is getting out of control. I saw her and Adam on the news burning down a building with demons by their side. She has killed people and most likely done worse. Adam is on the top of most wanted list, with Y/n in second place. According to the news, Adam is the leader of the attacks, but has his partner commit them, which makes him more dangerous.

I know it’s not Y/n, but it sure looks like her. I try not to show how upsetting it is to me, but it’s hard to hide it, when I am currently drowning in a pool of pain. Sam isn’t hiding his pain well either. He buries himself in his work, and drinks, but I can’t say I don’t help with that. I am also constantly drinking, because of this. It breaks my heart to be seeing her in this state, and I pray to Cas every night that he will please fix her and bring us the cure.

Another week passes and he still hasn’t gotten in touch with either Sam or myself. More about Y/n and Adam cover the news. The country seems to be in a panic. Finally, after now 4 weeks, Cas gets in touch with us.

“Dean?” he asks in his deep voice with no emotion.

“Cas? Where the hell have you been! You have been radio silent for weeks and Y/n is getting worse. Tell me you have something to fix her.” I beg on the phone trying to keep it together. Sam gets up from his spot at the table and quickly walks over to me to try and listen.

“I’m sorry. I have been to quiet, but I did find something. I got a cure, but we need to be near her in order to do it.” He says through the phone, “I’m coming over now.”

“Cas, you…” And then he was there. Sam greets him and Cas begins to explain the procedure for the spell.  “Dean, we can do this tomorrow if you want. We can cure her.” Cas says

“No, we will do it now. I can’t wait another moment when I know that I can fix my baby sister. She needs to be cured by tonight. No excuses.” I yelled and Sam and Cas, and they just nodded their heads.

“Well, then let’s get to work on this spell.” Sam says and gives him a weak smile. We are getting her back, tonight.

---------------------------------------------- Sam’s POV

Me and Cas finished the spell, and Dean was working on making contact with Y/n. The spell was very difficult and required a lot of ingredients that I have never even seen before, like the arm of a clock that just hit 6.

“Guys, I just finished the spell. I can get her here, are you ready?” Dean comes in and tells you, clearly eager to see Y/n. Not having her around has really been beating him up. He drinks more than he used to, and I could hear him praying to Cas or anyone who would listen every night. He is constantly watching the TV, waiting to see if Y/n will come on screen. I have seen him multiple times, crying, which never happens.

“Yes, we are now ready to summon her.” Cas says looking plainly at him as I start to gather the spell.

“Alright, then let’s call her.” Dean says with worry but a touch of excitement in his voice. I, for one, was going mad without Y/n She brings the brightness into this bunker. Her smile, corny jokes, and laugh is something I long to hear again. She is a perfect mix of Dean and I, and we are both missing a huge part of our life without her.

I watch as Dean draws a demon trap and then sets up a chair in the middle while the spell equipment that I set up is set up to the left of the trap. He chants the spell in Latin and almost instantly, Y/n is in the demon trap, sitting on the chair with both legs over the arm and her head over the other, like if someone was holding her bridal style.

“Well, look how nice it is to see my boys here.” She says clearly not affected by the demon trap, “Ew, you put a trap around me? Honestly, it won’t last long.” She said laughing at us while making herself more comfortable in the chair. I still can’t get over the fact that she is wearing leather pants and a crop top black long sleeve shirt. At least her hair pulled back into a pony tail, which is normal.

“Why won’t the trap last?” I ask getting to the point. It hurts to see her like this, but I have to get her back to normal. If I don’t, then I know Dean will.

“Oh silly Sammy! You forgot about Adam! He will be here any minute now. He will free me, not trap my like my ex-brothers like to do.” She said in a high pitch voice that made my ears hurt, “Why do quiet Dean? You scared or something’?” She asks mockingly. The fact that she is like this hurts, but what kills, is that she just said to Dean, is what Adam said to her when she was still human. When Y/n was Y/n.

“Hell no. I’m not scared of my baby sister. My weak pathetic baby sister, who I could take any day.” He said as I stood there looking at him like he lost his mind. “You have no instincts and your fighting technique is awful. You never plan for anything, which gets you nowhere.” At this point she is up and out of her chair, and about 5 feet from the edge of the trap, infuriated by his comments.

“What the fuck did you just say to me?! I am 10 times the hunter you have ever been and will ever fucking be!” She screamed at the top of her lungs as her voice kept getting higher and higher, to the point where it made my ears ring. Who knew my sisters voice could get that high?

“That all you can do Y/n! You use words to intimidate people, not motions! Your words get you places, they are good I will admit, but not even close to your skills in combat.” Dean says egging her on, and I think I know where he is going. Y/n is now right at the edge of the trap, “your words do get you places. Look where they got you? To the edge of the trap!” he says as he grabs her wrist and she looked alarmed and confused, “Your words got you here and, they will get you back to being my sister.” He said as he jabbed the shot into the side of Y/n neck as she screamed louder than I have ever heard a woman scream. She then fell to the ground.

------------------------------------------------------------- Readers POV

I felt cold. I could feel the empty area where there was no fabric on my back or my stomach, as I laid on the cold concrete. I didn’t open my eyes. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to face the reality of what demon Y/n did. I didn’t want to face the disappointment in Dean and Sam’s eyes. I wasn’t possessed. It was me. I was the demon. I caused the destruction, but was helpless to do anything. I just sat in the back of my own mind and screamed and screamed until I had no voice. The dark side of me was in control and I was helpless to do anything.

I had to open my eyes, so I did. I saw I was in a storage type room, just by looking at the ceiling. I then saw Dean’s head over mine and he called my name and helped me sit up. I didn’t speak. I didn’t move other than being helped up. I just leaned against the chair in the circle and stared into nothing. I heard Sam run over and start to talk to me. I heard Dean Start yelling. I was shaken by Sam. Then by Dean. Cas said something about me being in shock, so they stopped for a while. Cas said to give me a couple of minutes and I would wake up. I was ready.

“I’m cold.” That’s all I said and Dean smiled, glad to hear my voice, and Sam just hugged me as he helped me stand up.

Sam let me go. Dean gave me his flannel. I looked at him. Then Sam. I burst into tears. I couldn’t hold them back anymore.

I was free. I was home.

It was Deans turn to hug me. He held me for what seemed like seconds before we were interrupted by someone who I hoped to never see again. I saw Cas get snapped away. I was pushed behind Dean, and Sam took out his gun.

Adam.

He was here.

Suddenly, I didn’t feel guilty anymore for leaving him in the cage. I was glad he was in the cage for five years. I almost wish he suffered more. All sadness I had for leaving him, was now turned into anger. I remember the gun that I was given by Adam…

“Get out of here before put you back in the cage, myself.” Sam said through gritted teeth, “She has been through enough. Leave us alone.”

“Well, I can, if you set up a deal. With him.” He said as he pointed at Crowley, who was happily standing in the corner, “Make the deal.”

“Gladly. Winchester boys, if you go to the cage now, your sister will be saved. If you refuse to, Y/n will be turned back into a demon. Your choice.” He says and snickers.

“Trying to hide her? Look how well that’s turning out for you.” Adam says clearly unamused, “Dam it Winchesters! Make your fucking choice! I have places to be!” “I’ll pass.” I yell and Adam looks at me before I shoot him in the stomach. He falls to the ground, dead.

----------------------------------- 3 months later

It was rough at first, getting used to not being a demon. I have frequent nightmare and wake up screaming at the top of my lungs. Dean or Sam always comes into my room and hugs me or just stays with me till I fall asleep. They are never angry. They have yet to raise their voices at me. They are patient. They get that I’m not ready to do things. They never push me into doing something that I’m not ready for. I am grateful.

I noticed that my absence had really effected Sam and Dean. The drinking took a while to break, but it happened. They are both smiling more. Dean is going back to working on the car and Sam is now doing a healthy about of research.  The constant worrying is still a working progress. Our family is slowly getting the pieces to fit back together again.

We will never trust Crowley again, and my goal as a hunter, is to hunt him down and kill him for doing this to me, and most of all, to my family. Nothing is more important than family.

The TV stations have officially stopped reporting on Adam and me. Dean told me that Cas somehow made them forget about me.  I have started to eat again, and be like myself more. Dean and I joke around, and Sam and I do research. I’m setting a goal for myself that by the end of this month, I will go on my first hunting trip. I’m actually looking forward to it.

I know I wouldn’t be here without my brothers. They understand me and make me laugh. I can always count on them. Well, two of them. Through what I went through, I was able to not feel guilty or remorseful. I was able to learn the truth about Adam.

_____________

Tags: @fromheaven2he11 @rosie-winchester @miss-katie-winchester @a-girl-who-loves-disney @winchesters-favorite-girl

Thank you so much to everyone who has read this series all the way through! You are all amazing and so wonderful! If you want to be tagged, just ask! Recommendations are now open! looking for a new series to write!

[abreuofcoffee]

Am I really happy ? Am I really happy in this situation I have now ? Do I like whats happening now ? Am I contented with what I have now ?

I know that most people see me as the always bright, outgoing and bubbly persona. Yes, I spend most of my time dancing to any song, literally. Yes, I also spend most of my time lip syncing and singing along to any song there is even if I have a shitty voice. Up until now I do a lot of things people would think I'm mad crazy. But then i just realized something. Most people see me always behind a smile, laughing and making corny jokes. But am I really happy that I'm able to do these things ?

Why do I always feel a constant longing for something? Something I don’t know that can be a person or thing. If you probably know me right you would most likely say that I'm too selfish to ask for anything cause I’ve got everything that I want. That longing for something makes me feel depressed once or twice in a month or so. During and after those times, i realized what i wanted but actually needed.

All throughout my life I was asked by people on why would I go for something that far for someone who wouldn’t bother. I was always said that I loved too much. I loved people too much that I easily trust them. I loved people too much that I would take a bullet for them. I loved them so much it hurts my pride. But the thing is they never returned it. They never acknowledge the love I’ve given to them. Little did they know every time they were sad I was the one who cheers them up and make them smile even if I myself was hiding my sadness. Every achievement they had i was always the one to tries her best to make them feel good about it, I wanted to make them feel the joy of achieving something because i’ve never felt one for a long time. Every time I would pray that they should have a good life and always a good day just because. And now I realized, that much love I would give to them was not enough to receive an ounce of love from them. I’m not that much valuable to them to the fact that after a year they’ll ignore me and make me feel restless. 

What I needed was friends, I always lose friends I don’t know why. Sometimes I think that it’s because of my huge focus on academics and not being able to hangout because of my strict parent. I wanted needed to have friends to be with for a long time. I wanted needed friends to share memories with and have fun times with. I wanted real friends who would care about me. My mom once said that in my age now, having certain friends are temporary and can change in an instant. I beg to oppose that since there are such things as childhood best friends. But why is that i’ve never had a best friend ? Funny to say but my only close friend I have is my mom next to our maid which changes in a year or two. I’ve always lead on a very sad and lonely life considering the fact that most of my time at home, I'm home alone. Maybe that’s why i’m yearning for romantic love, hoping for a “jowa” to come and cover up for my friendly love. I just wanted to say that I love my very few number of friends that I have and if we do break apart, i’m still thankful because you dealt with my stinky personality. And i’m still here hoping for that one best friend.

- asl | An open letter to all my friends © 2017