#to hear my friends and coworkers cry over their lost friends and family members

[nc-vb]

if it’s gotten to the fucking point that the Ministry of Education has to announce that “the school year is cancelled” for part of Gaza because all its students have been murdered, humanity has failed, failed at everything— flat out, point blank, and unequivocally failed.

[engagemachine]

"You're so gentle," she tells me. They all say it. I hear it from my patients every time I take their arm to wrap the blood pressure cuff around it, or when I place my stethoscope on their belly, or when I rub circles into their back when I've helped them sit up on the side of the bed for the first time in three days. Sometimes they cry, because it's the first tender touch they've felt since they've been in the hospital. It's very humbling and at the same time very concerning -- why has no one else offered this tenderness to you? Why am I always the first?

But I don't feel gentle. Not when a pair of ribs are cracking beneath my hands as I'm doing chest compressions on a Covid patient who's stopped breathing--the second time I've administered CPR on a Covid patient in two days. I don't feel gentle when I'm wrestling with a patient and begging for them to keep their oxygen mask on. When I have to hold them down and hold them still so my coworker can draw a blood sample. I don't feel gentle when I'm inserting a nasogastric tube down someone's nose, then throat, and into their belly while they're gagging around the tube and their arms are flailing. And I don't feel gentle when I'm washing a sacral wound with bleach and they're crying because it hurts. I don't feel gentle when I have to shout, beg, and plead for patients to listen, when I tell patients they're going to die if they don't keep their oxygen mask on. I don't feel gentle when I have to place a patient in restraints, or when I call a family member and tell them that their loved one's condition hasn't improved. I don't feel gentle when a patient tells me they can't breathe, they can't breathe, I can't breathe, and I'm yelling for coworkers to call the doctor while I'm cycling through different oxygen masks and trying to administer medication to slow their respirations and calm their anxiety.

I'm writing this because I feel like I've been living a little bit behind a veneer on here, although I know deep down that's not really true; I have always wanted my blog to feel like a positive space for anyone and everyone, including myself. I come here to have fun and destress and that's why you usually don't see me reblogging content having to do with politics or global news. I think it's possible to create a healthy space where one does talk about those things and spreads awareness for important causes, but for me, Tumblr is where I come when I need to escape the harsh realities of real life. This is my platform where I can indulge in my fictional proclivities and interests, where I can appreciate art, photography, beautiful writing, my favorite films, music, and cute animals. That's what this space is about. I also have loved meeting new people and getting to know my readers and making new friends and chatting about my stories. That's why I'm here and I thank you all so, so much for indulging me in my passions and for encouraging my writing the way that you have: it has helped me weather the current storm of stress I am feeling in more ways than I could possibly convey.

But I have to be very honest with you all about how much I've been struggling lately, as I feel like I'm reaching a breaking point and I'm somewhat at a loss for how to handle it.

Since September of last year, I've been on an accelerated track to finish the degree I'm working towards, which is a Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I've been a nurse for four years, but I graduated from a two-year nursing program versus a four-year program because I wanted to get into the field earlier than some of my peers, which has been great. Anyway, my school counselor/mentor and I agreed that I could obtain my BSN in a year if I really pushed myself. The program I'm in is self-paced, which has been both a blessing and a curse. Most of my classes I have finished in about three to four weeks. Other classes, like biochemistry, took substantially longer, about seven or eight weeks, if I remember correctly. All of the classes have relied on my ability to self-teach, as there are no scheduled lectures to attend, only assigned readings and videos to watch, if you choose to do so. Fast forward to the end of May, when I went to visit some family, and, upon my return home, really started to lose some of my motivation to complete my classes. I was meant to finish my program in August (this month) but agreed with my mentor that I would take a short break and put my last three classes on hold so that I could resume the program in September. I've enjoyed approximately a month off from school, but "enjoyed" is a term I use loosely here as I was also picking up extra shifts at work because we've been so short staffed and losing nurses left and right.

Which brings me to the main cause of my stress. This pandemic has completely changed the landscape for how I administer care to my patients, and the stress of the care itself has been so utterly overwhelming at times I can hardly bear it. I broke down in tears at work on Sunday morning, shortly after 4:30 am, right there at the the nurse's station, and was sobbing so hard that my supervisor had to pull me away so that I could have some privacy. I wish I could tell you that I sobbed harder than I have in a long time--but I had sobbed at work with that same intensity just four weeks prior, only, I had been alone at the time. It's becoming a trend--I either cry at work or I cry at home--because the stress of this job has become unbearable.

I wish--I desperately wish--I could convey to you the seriousness of Covid. I think so much of the world has already decided to move on from it because they're so tired of having to deal with it and, quite simply, are ready to return to normal. I don't even know what normal is anymore and when--or if--we'll ever be able to return to it. And that has caused me a fair amount of stress and anxiety in and of itself. I miss traveling so much and I don't know when I'll be able to do it again. I haven't seen one of my best friends since the fall of 2018 for this reason, which kills me.

I've seen so much death. Transferred so many patients to the PCU and ICU. Frantically chased patients' oxygen saturation, trying to keep them from circling the drain. Being responsible for six or seven human lives at one time is a stress you cannot fathom unless you have done it yourself. I have cried with a patient, a young woman, who had lost her husband to Covid only hours before in the ER, a young woman who was now faced with battling Covid herself but also planning the funeral of her high school sweetheart from her hospital bed. I have wheeled a patient to the ICU so that he could say one final goodbye to his wife--married for over 50 years--before they pulled the plug and removed her from the ventilator. I have raced down the hallway with my patient on BIPAP, pushing his bed to the ICU and praying that he doesn't stop breathing on the way there. I've had to console crying family members over the phone who are worried about their loved ones, not to mention my crying coworkers who are as overwhelmed as I am. These are just a handful of experiences from the past month alone. There are so many more.

The discomfort of my job has become secondary. I expect, now, to be wearing an N95 for a full twelve or thirteen-hour shift because there isn't time to take it off. Not having a chance to pee or go to the bathroom during that time. Not drinking any water until I'm in my car and taking off my mask and finally taking a deep breath.

On a more personal note, I am continuing to lose weight and it's so discouraging. In high school I used to wear a size 2 or 4. Now, depending on the brand, I wear a double 00. My hair is falling out because of my stress. I haven't slept during the night in... I don't even know how long. I'm constantly tired. Exhaustion hits me like a great tidal wave and I am powerless to stop it. I expect now to crash during the middle of the day on my couch, only to wake up at 11pm and be wide awake for the rest of the night, and, if not wide awake, then in an out of nightmares and sleep paralysis. I have thought about leaving my job, but the idea of job hunting during a pandemic, and while I'm in school... it just makes me feel even more stressed.

I need a break, but it feels like there's nowhere to go to escape. I fantasize about some great adventure, going somewhere I've never been, but I also really miss my family and I'm scared to go home to visit.

This post doesn't really have a conclusive ending. I'm just exhausted and overwhelmed. Any prayers/thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

[razorblade180]

RWBY Vol8 Finale Review

Okay so I just wanna say right away that this review would’ve been out sooner, but the ending credit song is watch pushed me over the edge and made me cry. So I’m little drained.

Of course the episode starts off with Salem finally coming back. Honestly I’m shocked. She’s only been gone for a little over an hour I believe. That’s way faster than I thought considering the blast she was hit with.

90% of this episode is fighting which I’m perfectly happy with, so breaking down scenes is a little scarce and far apart. But I will say I like a bunch of the fighting. I thought James’s gun was stupid, but then he swung while detaching one pistol to pistol whip Winter and I’ll admit it, I said “yoooo!”

Okay...the Ace Ops stuff is probably the biggest thing I’m “meh” on. I totally get what they’re going for and I’m actually one of the few people who likes Harriet, but this scene fell pretty flat for me. We barely see the Ace Ops interact with one another that isn’t them threatening RWBY or talking about following orders. Like I never had any doubts that they do in fact care about each other beyond a coworker level but the show didn’t really show that. It would’ve been nice if despite them saying they aren’t friends several times, CRWBY added gentler moments with one another.

Like if Harriet calms Elm down on the way to to whale, Vine senses Marrow’s uneasiness and pulls him aside to tell him that he’ll watch Marrow’s back and they’ll talk when the job is done. It could’ve been neat if Harriet was about to move and scream Marrow’s name right before Ironwood shoots, but Winter was a step ahead. Just little things like that to show these characters really do value one another and don’t actually buy the crap their selling about being completely professional. Plenty of real life military soldiers will tell you that like it or not, it is impossible not to learn the life of their teammates and essentially become family when they’re overseas. Even if they don’t necessarily like a certain individual.

I actually didn’t expect Cinder to betray Neo this episode until Neo fell off the ledge. I thought we were building to Cinder valuing having people as teammates to raise hell instead of looking at them as pawns. To an extent she still does, but I guess it’s more of she has to work well with people and use actual teamwork in general, not with specific individuals. Power of teamwork yes. Power of friendship, no....

Cinder gets bonus points in my book for doing what most don’t, cut Blake’s ribbon! I’m so used to anime tropes letting heroes recover that I wasn’t expecting a genuine good play.

So I’ve said she was going to die ever since she came back, then I said it when she hacked, and one more time she was human. I never had faith she’d make it through the volume. So when I tell that it still broke my heart to see this. I never wanted her go. Penny is like my second favorite character. I’m a bit surprised Cinder didn’t get the power. This is the second time she’s nabbed Penny. I would assume she has at least a bit of the power though.

Winter really did become the Winter maiden. We were right from the start. I do like that Penny choosing how she wanted to die and who to give the powers to mirrors Winter’s conversation with Weiss in V7 a bit about being roped into something but still gaining the control to actually choose how go about the situation by deciding the terms.

Skipping ahead a bit because once again, I was just floored by the fights. Next real thing that really hit me hard was so many people think other people are dead for varying reasons, and only some of them are true. I do not know how Ren and Nora especially are going to cope with hearing Jaune fell. That’s their second teammate. Out of those two, Oscar, and Emerald, I don’t think any want to or fit to lead as a new team of four. Maybe Nora really will step up and kick off the active part of her self discovery. Then there’s Winter. Maybe she’ll keep them together. If anything I hope her and Whitley finally have this genuine moment because they think they lost their sister. And who knows, maybe to a certain level Jacques dying as well conflicts them in a way because they didn’t love him but it’s still a shock he’s dead. Like I’m pretty sure for Whitley at least that the hate for his father didn’t run deep enough to wish him dead. Pietro is gonna die of broken heart and I don’t know how Qrow or Tai will react. Hopefully Raven gets involved.

Not gonna lie, I thought the crash was anticlimactic and Ironwood among others could still be alive, but then the rushing water came....

I am shocked nobody actually killed James. Pretty sure he’s dead though. Just like how Arthur burned to death which is by far the most unsettling thing this show has done period. Even though the villains lost members, it doesn’t really feel like they lost at all. Especially when the ones who died were killed by their own people basically.

All in all I really liked this finale. I’m relieved the reason team RWBY fell wasn’t because they jumped after Yang because that’s not risk people should take and would be a middle finger to everyone they leave behind. Wasn’t expecting Jaune to fall. That’s nuts. Not mad about it. Now he has to explain to Ruby that he personally stabbed Penny on request. Like good lord, he’s not going to cope. The only saving grace I personally have is CRWBY might be nice to me and the path towards comforting certain characters may lead down a path with Lancaster or Whiteknight at the end of it. I’m not gonna hold my breath. Can’t believe we lost Nuts n Dolts twice...

Also Neo might wanna kill Cinder more than Ruby now.

[diaryofabeautyfiend]

Plain Gold Ring

(Part 2)

You left a few minutes before he did. He ran up to his place to change. The two of you had already showered together. You had meetings all day and so did he. You agreed to meet for lunch.

Your thoughts drifted to him all day. His strong hands and the spice of his skin were all you could think about. You should have felt guilty but you didn’t. You two really seemed like you connected on a deep and spiritual level. You told yourself not to be naive. Men who cheat never leave their wives. You were a means of escape for him. You decided to proceed as planned and move forward with your Chicago interview.

At lunch Andy came bounding into your office. Before you could even hand him his fork he had his hands on you. “I can’t focus. You’ve been in my head all day.”

“Me too.”

“Yeah? You thinking of my cock?”

“Your cock, your hands…fuck…your tongue.” He slipped his hand in your panties to find you already dripping.

“Shit, baby. I have to be inside of you. This is gonna be quick.” He slammed his hips into you a few times before you both completely lost it. He eased you back down peppering kisses on your neck and chest. You readjusted your panties, smoothed your hair and sat down at your desk to drink some water.

“Oh my goodness are you going to stay like that all day?”

“Like what?” You knew exactly what he was talking about. You just wanted to hear him say it.

“With my cum dripping out of you? Don’t you want to clean up?”

“I’m good.” You winked at him and handed him his lunch.

He chuckled, “There goes the rest of my day.”

You had easy conversation for the rest of lunch. You asked him about Jacob and how he seemed to be coping. He was happy to talk about it. It was evident he adored his son. And there went the guilt bubbling up again. He could see it in your face. “Is this weird for you?”

“A little. Maybe we shouldn’t do this.”

“We don’t have to talk about him.”

“It’s ok. I like hearing about your life. Besides I brought him up. I just want to be sure I’m not reading too much into this. Like we’re just friends who fuck right? I don’t know if I’m trying to catch feelings.”

He was a little offended but couldn’t express that to you. You had sex the second day that you had known each other. That was clearly not something he did nor did he take it lightly. He meant what he said. He really liked you. He would just have to work hard to show you how much. For now, he would follow your lead.

“Oh yeah. Of course. Friends who fuck sometimes. No feelings to catch.”

You went about the rest of your day and got home at a respectable hour. While you were at your mailbox in your building you noticed Lori and Jacob coming in. You smiled and turned quickly to get to the elevator. You realized a lot of people likely knew who they were and made it awkward like you just did. You just couldn’t leave well enough alone and went back to introduce yourself.

“Hi. I don’t mean to interrupt. Are you Lori Barber? My name is Y/N. I work with Andy.” She looked relieved to hear your name.

“Of course! Y/N. So nice to meet you. Andy told us all about you. This is our son Jacob.” He waved to you and you very awkwardly waved back.

“Well I won’t keep you. I just wanted to say hi.” She looked like she wanted to talk more but you hightailed it out of there up the stairs. You felt like an asshole. She looked like a perfectly nice person. If you weren’t fucking her husband you’d probably be friends. Damn it. You couldn’t do this with Andy. As much as you wanted to, knowing Lori was in the same building was too much for you.

That bottle of red on your counter was calling your name. You ordered dinner and prepped for your interview. Hopefully you’ll get a decent offer and out of here before you make a bigger mess.

——————————————————————

While you were in the bath Andy texted. You didn’t respond. While you watch tv he texted again. No text back. After the third unanswered text he called.

“Hey, Andy.”

“Are you ghosting me?” He sounded like he was joking but not really

“No. Just busy. What’s up?”

“Nothing. Too busy to see me?”

You wanted to say yes. Yes you were far too busy to spend time with a married man. You wanted to tell him go back to his wife. But you didn’t. “Of course not. I’ll unlock the door.” You were a goner.

A few minutes later you heard him calling your name. “Bedroom.” you called out. You had been crying about it all night but you have to end things before it gets serious. Even though you weren’t really dating and you said no feelings, you knew yourself. Under the facade of an overly ambitious lawyer you were a hopeless romantic. In the very short time you’ve known Andy he’s been a great guy. The fact remained, he was kind of your boss and very much married. You couldn’t continue.

“Hey. Are you crying? What’s wrong?” He sat on the bed and pulled you into his lap. You sobbed harder. “Y/n. Baby? Talk to me.”

“I met Lori and Jacob. He really has your eyes. We can’t do this, Andy. I know you and Lori are going through a rough patch but I can’t do this.” He was crestfallen. He rubbed your hand while you talked nodding where appropriate. When it was finally his turn to talk, he didn’t trust his voice to be strong.

“I know we just met, Y/N but, I’ve never cheated on Lori. Not ever. I slept with you because I liked you from the first moment we met. I know you said no feelings but, I feel like if you weren’t on the verge of caring, you wouldn’t be crying over me right now.” He was right. You felt all the things you weren’t supposed to feel.

You stayed up talking for a few more hours and ended up falling asleep in his arms. When you woke up the next morning he was gone. It was just as well. You got your notes together for your interview and called in.

The whole conversation was amazing. You and the managing partners really hit it off. They were younger than the partners at your current firm. A lot of women on the senior team. Not twenty minutes later did you friend text you to say they wanted you to take a trip out to Chicago.

When you got into the office you asked Caitlin to clear your schedule for the rest of the week and booked your flight. You were due in court so you grabbed your bag and badge and headed out.

——————————————————————

You were one of three attorneys on this case. Today was the voir dire so all you’d be doing was taking notes on possible jurors. One of the team members was unable to make it so Andy filled in. It was a pleasure watching him work. This part of the legal process was generally pretty boring. Watching him was like theater. You were fawning all over him like a school girl. It was frankly disgusting. At the end of the day Andy called a team meeting to compare notes and start working on court strategy.

You worked through dinner. All of you were exhausted by the end of the night. Since you were leaving the next morning, you handed your coworker Jeremy all of your notes and went to your office to pack up.

“Y/N, can you be in a little early tomorrow? I want to run through a couple of things.” Andy called from your doorway.

“Sorry. I’ll actually be in Chicago. Family emergency. I put it on your calendar this morning. Jeremy has all of my notes. I’ll be out of pocket for most of the trip. Shoot me an email if you need something. I’ll try to get back to you.”

He frowned and let out a deep sigh, “I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how important this case is. Can the trip be rescheduled?”

“I’m sorry. It can’t be. Jeremy is up to speed on everything. He’s done just as much leg work as I have on this case. You’re in good hands.” You patted him on the chest and excused yourself.

——————————————————————

Andy got home and grabbed a beer. Jacob was sitting at the table finishing some school work. “How is your new job, Dad?”

“Good. Everyone there is really nice.”

“Mom and I met Y/N at the mailboxes yesterday. She’s pretty.” Andy was surprised that Jacob even noticed you. He’s always staring at his phone.

“Yeah. She’s pretty.” He ruffled Jacob’s hair. “What are you working on?”

Lori came in to grab a water. She looked like she was running on the treadmill. She hadn’t found a good route around the neighborhood yet. “Hey. I didn’t hear you come in. We met your coworker. She was really sweet.”

“She’s the one who put you in touch with Linda Raymond.”

“Oh. That was nice of her. We should have her over for dinner. I remember when I was single I had nothing but wine and old Chinese in my fridge. I’m sure she’d like a home cooked meal.”

Andy was irritated with Lori’s assumption. “She’s a grown woman. I’m sure she feeds herself.” He knew you did because he’s been in your fridge.

“Well anyway. I’d like to thank her. I’ll send her a bottle of wine. Maybe you can ask her assistant what she likes.”

“She drinks Cabernet.”

He got up from the table and changed into his gym clothes. There was a really nice gym on the bottom floor of the building. He had every intention of going there but he couldn’t get you off of his mind. You mentioned all of your family lived down south. What kind of emergency could you have in Chicago. Maybe it was a guy. You didn’t mention one. He didn’t ask. He wouldn’t be surprised if you had a booty call in Chicago. You were distracted all evening texting someone. He pushed the button for your floor.

——————————————————————

Your flight was early so you started packing when you got home. Half way through your wine fueled solo dance party, Andy was at your door. You were a little tipsy and feeling bold so you answered wearing only a tshirt and panties.

“Evening, Andy.” You opened your arms to welcome him inside.

“Evening. Do you have a minute?”

“Sixty an hour, sir and they’re all for you.” He followed behind you to your bedroom.

“Are you drunk?”

“Not yet. But! The night is young.” He watched you dig through your closet selecting dresses and shoes. Nothing very casual.

“You sure do dress up for a family emergency.” You rolled your eyes at him.

“What do you want, Andy?”

“What’s in Chicago?”

“What’s with the questions?”

“Why are you answering my question with a question? Nothing more suspicious.” Fucking lawyers.

“What do you want, Andy? I won’t ask again.”

“You. I won’t see you for a few days and I’ll miss you. If you are going to see a guy, as I suspect by the amount of lingerie you’ve packed, I want you to remember how good you have it at home.”

Your cheeks heated and your cunt started paying attention. “So demanding, Mr. Barber.” You patted him on the head and attempted to walk away from him. He grabbed your hips and ran his hands under your tshirt over your bare belly. “Andy, we agreed.”

“No, you agreed. I did not. I still want you.” His index finger stroked the wet spot on your panties. “Looks like you still want me too.” Your eyes fluttered closed as you leaned into his touch. He nuzzled your clothed pussy nipped and sucked. His hand rubbed broad strokes over you before he pulled them down and began flicking his tongue over your clit. You let out a low moan of appreciation. “Want me to stop?”

“Andy…” He cupped your pussy and slipped in two fingers grinding the palm of his hand against your clit.

“What’s that, honey? Answer me. Do you want me to stop?” His body was pressed against yours.

“No. God no. But you have to. Your wife…”

“Don’t worry about her. Worry about yourself. Do you want me to stop? Tell me to stop.” he growled into your ear. He pressed his erection into your hip she continued finger fucking you.

Your head went blank and your pussy took over again. “Don’t stop. Please, Andy. Never stop fucking me.”

He spent the rest of the night squeezing every last ounce of pleasure from your body. You showered and ate a very late dinner after which you fell asleep watching a movie. This was a level of bliss you had never enjoyed in your whole life. You were falling in love with him. Fuck your stupid feelings.

Your very full bladder nudged you awake. As you slipped back into bed, Andy’s phone screen illuminated the very dark room. You went to turn it off and saw several missed calls and texts from Lori.

You felt like you were doing something horribly wrong. Not like you could see anything she said. You weren’t sure if you should wake him. But, what if it was an emergency? Something could be wrong with Jacob. You nudged his shoulder but he didn’t budge. This man slept like the dead.

“Andy? Wake up.” you whispered in his ear.

“Hmm? What’s wrong?”

“Lori keeps calling. I wasn’t sure if it was an emergency.”

He grumbled and scowled at the device. “It’s nothing. Go back to sleep.”

“It has to be something or else she wouldn’t have called you so many times.”

“I missed counseling tonight. She’s pissed.”

“Go home, Andy. I can get myself to the airport.”

“No. I’m with you tonight. She’ll have me the rest of the week. Come back to bed. Please, baby. I have to get my fill of you before you leave.”

You had a choice here. You could get back in that bed and spend the rest of the night with this beautiful man. You could feel happy and loved and ignore the fact that, two floors up Lori was likely pacing the floor. Or, you could tell him about Chicago and be done with this mess. You chose option B. It was going to hurt like hell but you had to rip off that bandage.

“What’s in Chicago is a position with a major firm. I’ve already had my first interview. They asked me to fly out for a few days. They’ll make me an offer and I’m going to accept.” He was silent. “Say something. Please.”

“I think I’m falling in love with you.” You smacked him in the face with your pillow. “Ow! Hey! What the fuck?! Stop it. Y/N stop! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

You were pissed and on the verge of tears. You switched on the bedside lamp and paced the floor mumbling to yourself. “We’ve only known each other for a couple of weeks. Fuck you. You aren’t falling for me. You’re in love with the fantasy that is our relationship.” You took his left hand and pointed to his wedding band, “As long as this is on your finger, you belong to Lori. You will never be mine. Go home, Andy. I’m going into that bathroom. When I come out, you need to be gone. Who the fuck says they’re falling for someone right before they get on a plane?! You’re almost guaranteeing it will crash.”

That stupid wedding ring. He never took it off. It must be graphed to his skin by now. You felt it when you held hands. It pressed into your breasts when he grabbed them. He was never aware of it but you always were. Painfully aware.

After a few minutes you heard your front door slam. You popped a nerve pill and got back in bed. Fuck Andy fucking Barber for being so perfect. Fuck your stupid pussy for getting you involved in the first place and fuck your stupid heart for feeling anything. You cried yourself to sleep.

——————————————————————

At six am Andy stood in his floor to ceiling window drinking his coffee. He saw you pacing the street waiting for your Uber that was five minutes late. The guy didn’t even take your bag. The car sped away taking his whole future with it.

He couldn’t fathom why you had such a soft spot for his wife. You had from the first time you met. You got her a job and went on a one woman crusade to save their marriage. He guessed you just felt like she had gone through enough. Andy hadn’t really forgiven her for almost killing them in that crash. She didn’t forgive him for his father’s involvement in Jacob’s acquittal. There was no going back. He filed for divorce the next day. Whether the two of you got together or not, he and Lori were done.

——————————————————————

When you got home you went to the mailbox first. You had a few magazines stacked on the table. You guessed no one wanted to steal your copy of Forbes. You saw Lori and smiled. Your earbuds were still blasting away so you didn’t immediately hear her talking.

“I’m so sorry. Did you say something?”

“It’s ok. I’m used to it with Jacob. I said I never got to thank you for passing on my information to Linda. I got the job.” (you already knew) “Anyway. I wanted to invite you for dinner sometime as a thank you.”

“I appreciate it. You really don’t have to.”

“Nonsense. I can use the company since Andy moved out.”

You dropped your things and cursed under your breath. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s ok. It was a long time coming. Let me know what works for you. I’m good anytime really.” She got onto the elevator and you stood in the lobby frozen.

You didn’t want to let Andy know you knew right away so you just sent him a quick message. “I’m back.” When you got back into your place your phone rang.

“Did you take the job?” He hadn’t even given you a chance to say hello.

“I did. They need me there in a month. Taking on a class action. I’ll wrap up what I can here and then I’m gone.”

“And I can’t convince you to stay.”

“It’s a really impressive offer. I can’t pass it up.”

“I filed for divorce.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” (No you weren’t)

“So I have a month to make you fall in love with me.”

“Andy…”

“Can I come over?” Say no. End it. Absolutely not.

“Sure. No physical contact.”

“I’ll be a perfect gentleman.” Now if you could only say the same for yourself.

[theycallmebecca]

February Ice Storm

It just occurred to me that I hadn’t really told you guys about the experience I had back in February with the ice storm that nailed us and knocked out power for us for 3 days but people in my city for up to 10 days.

Originally, I had planned to turn it into a drabble and I actually started it, but it wasn’t exactly something I wanted to revisit. Mentally, I wasn’t in a good place thanks to anxiety and an emotional rollercoaster of what’s going to happen.

I know I shared bits and pieces of what had gone down, but this a more in-depth account of my experience from the ice storm that hit Oregon Valentine’s weekend of this year.

Let me preface this by saying that we knew that we were going to get an ice storm... but it was the worst ice storm we’ve had in a long time. And it did an astonishing amount of damage that we are still trying to recover from a month and a half later. Driving around, it looked like a tornado had ripped through and knocked down trees randomly. With as many trees that fell, it’s shocking how many didn’t.

The storm hit Friday night, February 12th, and it was just cold. Then about 3 am, the power went out. I know this because that’s when I suddenly found myself in the complete dark (no alarm clock, etc.) I didn’t think much of it and went back to sleep.

I was rudely awaken a few hours later by the sound of trees cracking and crashing to the ground. Let me tell you, that is a terrifying experience.

Knowing I still didn’t have power, I put on multiple layers and tried to make myself comfortable. However, by this time, it had started to warm up so there was lots of trees cracking all around me. Which was great for my anxiety.

Neither was the fact that the power outage had taken out the cell phone networks in my area. More on that in a moment.

Then I heard some neighbors outside, so I went out to talk to them and saw that a large limb from the pine tree by my building, was practically laying on my car. Some guys walking past, assured me that it was just on my car and not in my car.

It was cold, so I went back inside and tried to distract myself. But my main source of distraction, aka my phone, wasn’t really an option to me. And I could not access any of the music I would normally use to help myself relax when my anxiety is acting up.

I finally found a place in my apartment where I got good reception... by the sliding glass door that over looks the backyard where one tree had already uprooted itself and where more trees could easily come crashing down.

Anxiety is being amazing at this point. I’m sure you can tell.

Especially when on top of the trees cracking... I got the beautiful thunking of ice dropping out of trees as it warmed up. And we’re talking like chunks of ice as big as baseballs!

It was about that time that I heard a crack that was too close for comfort and knew, without a shadow of a doubt that the limb had broken and it was on my car. Two steps out my front door confirmed my fear, but when I tried to go see how bad it was, I heard the cracking of limbs and had to run back to the safety of my apartment as more limbs and ice baseballs dropped.

I was able to text my parents and asked if someone could try and come get me. They live parallel to me across two major roads, so it wouldn’t be a long trip if they could make it a little later once it had warmed up some more.

While I waited, I packed some stuff and tried to read, but it honestly was just too much.

And as annoying and little brother like as my brother-in-law can be, I have never been so happy to see him as I was that day when he and my mom showed up to get me.

By that time, I was flinching at every little noise that seemed to echo through my small apartment. And it was just becoming way too much. Even as I write this, the memory of that morning has me crying because I was too scared to cry on that day.

While he was waiting for me, my brother in law looked at my car and saw that the branches were resting on it, but the car looked ok.

The short drive to my parents house was shocking with the number of trees and power lines that were down. Also shocking was how many trees that didn’t land on houses. We did see a couple of cars smashed by trees though. And street lights were out every where.

I was very happy when we got to my parents house which is bigger than the building with 8 apartments that I live in. Their backyard is full of pine trees and they had lost a lot of limbs and stuff, but with everyone else there, you couldn’t hear the noises that had ramped up my anxiety.

Once I was there, the rest of the day passed relatively easy. I was with my family and that helped calm my anxiety because I knew I was in a safe place. We ordered pizza from a place that still had power. My brother in law built fires my parents fire places and my mom and I played dominos by flashlight. I also got some reading done.

Then I slept in my parents guest room... and the bed isn’t comfortable and the house was probably in the 45F range.

Sunday morning aka Valentine’s Day was warmer than the day before and my mom and I drove to my apartment to see what we could do about the limb on my car... only to find that someone had already pulled it off and chopped it up. We confirmed that my car was ok and the only damage to it was that my $5 license plate frame had been broken and the corner of my license plate was bent.

After that, we drove out to a grocery store that had power for some food, more logs for the fireplace and coffee... that my mom had to stand in line for 20+ mins to get.

When we got back to their house, we found a flurry of activity happening as my parents next door neighbor had rented a giant generator the day before to keep his house going and offered to let us plug some extension cords in so we could charge stuff, use small appliances and use a small heater.

So our Sunday afternoon was spent with our phones plugged in and a small space heater barely keeping us warm. But it was an improvement from the day before.

Then my uncle showed up. He’s been going back and forth between living with his ex girlfriend and living with my parents. With him at my parents house and knowing that my own apartment was still above 50F and therefore warmer than my parents house, I opted to sleep in my own bed that night.

So after getting pizza for dinner again (🤢) my mom dropped me off at my apartment for a cool night.

I started in my living room knowing that my back wouldn’t like 10+ hours in my bed and I actually got some light from a lamp by plugging it into my computer’s battery backup, which really did raise my spirits a bit.

But eventually I ended up in my room with the door closed, knowing I’d be able to lock in more heat that way. And it did work... but it was still a long night.

Because of no power and the fact that I’ve been working from home since March 2020, I told my boss I was taking the day off. At that time, the power company still still quoting power back on Monday. For me, they were even saying early Monday.

But my apartment was still cold and dark when I woke up. Which meant I cleaned out my fridge and freezer and then took my laundry out to the laundromat by my mom’s office that had power and heat.

So I took care of my laundry and then was going to head back to my parents, until I decided to see if Office Depot had any sales going on with laptops. And I ended up driving across town to buy one in case I needed to find some place to work other than my apartment for a couple days.

After that, I went to my parents house and watched a movie with my niece while power crews worked outside. I was still hoping they’d be able to get the power and internet back up so I wouldn’t have to drive to work Tuesday, but it wasn’t looking good.

By 5:30, I knew even if the power did some how come back on, I was still going to be without internet, so I left my parents and went to the grocery store for things to make a lunch that didn’t require a fridge since I still didn’t have that. And they were operating on their backup generators and actually stopped letting people into the store as I was checking out.

That evening, I played on my new laptop a bit and chatted with friends since my cell network was almost back up to speed, but I was in bed when the power came back on around 10 pm. And you sure as hell know I got out of bed and turned on every light switch just because I could!

I slept much better than night and did end up going into the office the next day for a partial day, but when I got home I had internet again.

For me and my family, we were without power for some 56 hours or so. But we had family friends and coworkers who went a good 10 days without power.

We don’t get storms like this and we were not prepared for it to be as bad as it was.

But the biggest take away for me is now necessarily how dependent I am on technology to entertain me... but for how to help me get through a rough situation.

Other than seeing a few members of my family once a week, I’ve been relatively on my own for the last year. And it’s been my “pocket friends” that have been my saving grace, my connection with the outside world. They’re the people that I turn to when I’m having a problem. And I was almost completely cut off from them for two whole days.

Add to that the rain storms and other anxiety reducing sounds that I’ve come to depend on. With the networks down, I couldn’t access any of those coping tools either.

My anxiety was the worst that Saturday morning than it has been in a long time. But by Monday evening, I was so tired emotionally and physically that I was just a mess. The roller coaster of the unknown was the worst part. You could make plans... but without power, there were things you just couldn’t do.

All in all, it was a once in a life time experience. As in, I don’t want to experience it again. Ever.

I think it will be a long time before a power outage doesn’t trigger anxiety within me. Because this last one was rough.

And now that I’ve relived this all in hopes that it might help me recover a little from what happened, it’s time for me to try and get some sleep. Probably shouldn’t have written this at night.. but oh well.

[bnhabadass]

Four Long Days | Bakugo x Aizawa’s Little Sister [angst]

When you are kidnapped by the League of Villains, the two people closest to you have very different ways of handling the situation. This is my first time attempting at writing angst so I really hope you all enjoy.

Pairings: Bakugo x reader, Aizawa / reader (siblings) Warnings: Kinda angsty, mentions of physical abuse

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Villains always seemed to take a liking to Eraserhead’s quirk. There was just something about taking away another person’s power that was so enticing to them. It’s easy to imagine such a powerful feeling, being able to hold someone back with that much strength. That being said, Aizawa was not surprised when word got out that the league had kidnapped his little sister, one of the strongest students in class 1-A.

It was particularly difficult for Aizawa, dealing with your kidnapping. On the one hand, he had to reassure his students, your classmates, your friends that you would be alright and that the police force and other pros are working hard to find you. On the other hand, all he wanted to do was scream, cry and beat down the doors of the league’s hideout himself and pummel Shigaraki into a pulp.

Tsukauchi refused to let him on the case. “We understand your concern,” he said. “But because you’re her family we can’t let you on this case. Emotions can get in the way, and it may cause more harm than good if you’re part of this.”

Aizawa understood where he was coming from. He didn’t like it, but he still understood. He was told by Nezu and the rest of his coworkers to take some time off from teaching, but what is there to do when he isn’t busy with exams, grading, and educating? He needed the distraction.

Heading back to the classroom immediately after finding out about your kidnapping might not have been the best idea on his part. Once he entered the classroom, he was left with a sour feeling in his stomach as your chair was empty and your bright eyes and big smile weren’t staring back at him. His students also added to the anxiety he was experiencing. Questions like “when is (Y/n) coming back?” and “Have the police made any moves yet?” flooded his ears, almost breaking the delicately built dam that was holding him together.

“I know just as much as you do,” he said. “When I hear anything else, any public information, any moves that the police make, believe me I will let you know.”

“But sensei, you’re her brother and her closest family member. Shouldn’t you know these things?”

Aizawa could have slapped Kaminari for saying that. The hand in his pocket twitched but he held it back. He could have used his capture weapon to grab the boy, but he was too exhausted from staying up late and tracing your every move, seeing when and where the league could have caught you, to bother chastising the idiot.

“They are not allowing me on the case to look for her,” he explained. “Now if you could please open your books to page 246–”

“It must be very hard for you, sensei,” Ausi spoke up. “I can’t even imagine what must be going through your head right now.”

Aizawa looked at the frog girl and took a deep breath in. “Thank you, Asui. Now let’s stop talking about (Y/n). There is nothing we can do at the moment, and nothing good ever comes out of worrying.”

The rest of the class nodded and took out their textbooks. Class that day was agonizingly slow. Aizawa was distracted, his students were distracted, everyone was distracted. Throughout the day, Aizawa’s eyes kept drifting to a particular student of his, a student he had a feeling was experiencing the worst of this incident.

Bakugo had spent most of class staring out the window, which was unusual for him. It’s true that he was usually quiet during class, not speaking up to give an answer unless it was hero related. Books and school never seemed to interest him that much, but he was intelligent and did well on tests, quizzes and papers.

Aizawa could tell that your being kidnapped was taking a greater toll on Bakugo than it was the rest of the class. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew about your relationship with the blonde boy. He didn’t know the details, and for that he was grateful, but he knew that the two of you shared a bond deeper than that of two classmates, and even of two friends.

He had a feeling that Bakugo would try and leave the dorms that night. He was quiet all day, not even bothering to yell at his friends when they said or did something stupid or out of the ordinary. Aizawa watched him during lunch. He barely picked at his food. It was clear to the pro that his student was having a hard time coping.

He decided to stake out the dorms that night. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to sleep in any case, and he would much rather secure the safety of another student than stay up worrying about the both of you.

Bakugo planned on sneaking out around four in the morning. Everyone would be asleep by then, and he would have enough time to run and grab you before your classmates woke up. He didn’t take much with him, just a jacket and a bag with a change of clothes for you. His quirk could do the rest. Bakugo left the dorm with thoughts of you racing in his head. His shoulders were slumped over and he hoisted the slipping duffle bag back over one of them. He missed you. A lot. He was angry, angry with Shigaraki and the rest of the League of Villains for taking you, angry with the police force for taking their sweet time finding you, angry with Aizawa who didn’t seem to care that his own sister was missing, angry with himself for not being able to protect you.

“Going somewhere?”

Bakugo nearly jumped out of his skin at hearing Aizawa’s voice. “Shit,” he muttered under his breath.

Aizawa was stationed in a nearby tree, hidden from anyone’s sight in the thick dark of night. He jumped down and walked over to Bakugo. The light coming from the moon softly reflected off his yellow goggles. He brought them down to where they usually stay hidden in the folds of his weapon. “I had a feeling that you’d try to sneak out tonight.”

“And you’re here to stop me?” Bakugo asked. He was going to put up a fight. He wouldn’t let his sensei get in the way of him going to rescue you.

“I can’t risk having another one of my students leaving and getting injured. I’m sorry, Bakugo, but you’ll just have to trust that the police have a handle on this one.” He reached out to put a hand on Bakugo’s shoulder, but the boy slapped it away.

Bakugo had a pissed off look on his face. He was tired and angry, tired of feeling so helpless and angry that he couldn’t do anything about that feeling. “Don’t touch me,” he said. “You have no idea what I’m going through right now. Just let me go find her and I’ll bring her back safe.”

“Where are you going you go? You don’t know where the league has their new hideout. The police and heroes are doing what they can, and to make sure they can get her back safely, all we can do is sit tight and let them do their work.”

Bakugo’s muscles tensed. It’s like Aizawa didn’t even care that you were missing. “How,” she started.

Aizawa waited for him to continue.

“How can you just stand there and not do anything?” he yelled. “You’re her brother, for god sake, and it’s like you don’t even care.” Bakugo clenched his fists and his body started shaking. “How the hell can you just sit back and do nothing!?” He crouched forward slightly as tears began to spill from his crimson eyes. He had done so well in keeping it together, but in that moment, everything he held onto was beginning to spill out.

Aizawa stood for a moment and watched as Bakugo crumbled before him. “We all have our roles in a mission,” he said, placing a large hand on Bakugo’s head. “And for this one, my job is to ensure the safety of the rest of my students. I understand how hard this is for you. You of all people know what being taken by the league is like.”

Bakugo twitched slightly at remembering what everything then felt like, from being trapped in the marble of Mr. Compress to carrying the weight of being the reason that All Might lost his power.

“I wish there was more that I could do,” Aizawa continued. “Believe me when I say that you’re not alone in that feeling, but for now  we just have to wait.”

It was then that Bakugo crumbled, letting all of his pent up anger and sadness out. He leaned onto Aizawa’s shoulder and screamed his sobs. He had never been more close with his sensei than in that moment.

Aizawa let him stay there for as long as he needed. He didn’t mind that the salt from Bakugo’s tears were staining his shirt. He didn’t care that it was late and that he needed to teach the next day.

“I love her,” he heard Bakugo whimper.

“I know,” Aizawa said. “I love her too.”

Neither of them were in class the next day. Aizawa had arranged for Midnight and Present Mic to take over his classes. He had also told them that Bakugo wouldn’t be attending class that day either. The blonde was too distracted to pay attention. He needed time to himself to process everything around him.

The next four days were agonizingly long. When Aizawa wasn’t teaching, thoughts of you and your well being raced through his head. He lost a lot of sleep, but he also grew a lot closer to Bakugo.

The two of them sat down and talked after what happened the night Bakugo tried to rescue you. They talked about his relationship with you, leaving out the details one would hope to spare from a family member. Bakugo told him about how much he loves you, and how you were the only other person in that class who wasn’t braindead.

Aizawa chuckled at that last part. “She means a lot to you,” he said, “and I can tell that you mean a lot to her too.”

Those four long days eventually passed, and Aizawa was grading papers when he received a call from Tsukauchi. They had found the league’s new hideout, and they were sure that was where they were keeping you.

“Bakugo and I will be going to the police station,” he informed his class. “They have found the league’s new hideout, and they have estimated that they will bring (Y/n) back by tonight. Iida and Yaoyorozu are in charge while I’m gone.”

“Wait why does Bakugo get to go?” Kaminari, who was fully aware of your relationship, asked.

“Yeah,” Mina chimed in. “We wanna see (Y/n) too.”

“We don’t want to over-crowd her,” Aizawa explained. “We have no idea what she’s been through, and having so many people will probably be overwhelming.”

“But–”

“Just stop talking, dunceface,” Bakugo said. “We’re bringing her back, okay?”

Kaminari nodded, too scared to open his mouth any further.

Bakugo threw on his jacket and followed Aizawa out of Heights Alliance. The taxi ride to the police station was excruciating. They had no idea if you were even there yet or if the pros were still fighting.

The pros who were working on the case were some of the best, so Aizawa had no doubt that you would be safe soon enough. Still, the hours couldn’t go by quicker.

It isn’t that Bakugo was in unfamiliar territory. He had been to the police station numerous times before, from the sludge incident to being asked to make a statement after the League had kidnapped him. Being here at that very moment, though. He wanted to throw up. His stomach had never been twisted this much. Each knot and loop of his intestines tightened as the minutes slowly flew by.

“Bakugo.” Aizawa said.

“Huh?”

“You’re shaking.”

Bakugo hadn’t realized how intensely his body was moving until his sensei pointed it out.

“They’ll bring her back,” Aizawa reassured his student.

“But what if she’s, I don’t know,” Bakugo scratched the back of his neck. “Different?”

“Different how?”

The vein on Bakugo’s head nearly burst with how Aizawa was acting. He knew full well what Bakugo meant, afterall. “You know! What if those bastard villains hurt her or if they did something to wipe or change her memory.”

Aizawa took a deep inhale. These are the questions that have been racing through his mind since the moment Yaoyorozu and Todoroki came into his office, telling him that you still hadn’t come home from your evening run. Still, he knew that he had to keep a level head in front of his students. He couldn’t break down like Bakugo had in front of him. “Recovery girl said that she’d be here soon,” he informed Bakugo. “Then, when (Y/n) comes back she’ll be quick to heal her.”

Bakugo nodded, although his anxiety did not subside. They arrived at the police station around 9:30, and they stayed there for another five hours. Bakugo conked out an hour after they arrived but kept waking up.

Aizawa was given a cup of coffee from the receptionist at the station, but even with the caffeine he could feel the bags under his eyes grow heavier and heavier as time went on. He had barely gotten any sleep in the last four days, and as he felt the light at the end of this miserable tunnel growing warmer, he could feel himself beginning to ease into comfort.

It was nearing 3:00 am when the police returned. One of the officers was pushing a wheelchair with a small lump inside covered mostly by a blanket. Aizawa dropped his coffee mug at realizing that the small lump was you, huddling in to yourself either for warmth or an instinctive form of self defense.

The sound of his mug falling and breaking on the floor’s surface stirred Bakugo away. He rubbed his eyes which were glazed over with a blurry line of tears that he rubbed away, allowing them to adjust.

“Eraserhead,” one of the cops said. “She put up a nasty fight, but she’s going to be okay.”

Your ears twitched at the sound of your brother’s hero alias leaving the cop’s mouth. It sounded like butter being smoothed onto a piece of warm bread. Ever so slowly, you peeked your head out from under the blanket and gasped as you saw a familiar tangled mop of thick black hair. He really was here.

You watched as he walked over to your chair and crouched down to look at you. He moved some of his messy hair out of his eyes and you could tell he was trying to hold back his tears. Before either of you could think, you launched yourself out of your chair and wrapped your arms tightly around his neck. You let out a loud sob, breathing in his musky scent, a scent you didn’t realize how much you had missed until this very moment.

Aizawa adjusted himself so he was sitting on the floor. You sat in his lap, wrapping your legs around his torso as you cried into the crook of his neck. “It’s okay,” he repeated. “You’re safe now. Don’t worry. I’m here.”

No one dared to interrupt you as the two of you sat there. You were exhausted, having stayed awake nearly all five days you were held captive. It wasn’t long before you fell asleep in your brother’s embrace.

Aizawa told Tsukauchi to call Hizashi to pick the three of them up and drive them back to campus. When you arrived at the dorms, a small group of your friends had stayed up waiting for your return. They all stood up and began crowding around the three of you, you being carried by your brother in your sleeping state.

“Is (Y/n) going to be okay?”

“She looks terrible.”

“What did the league do to her?”

Bakugo’s eye began to twitch at his classmates’ barating questions. “Shut the fuck up,” he said, stepping in front of Midoriya as he tried getting closer to you. Bakugo sounded calmer than his peers assumed he would be, yet his words still had a sharp bite that stung the ears like a chilly windy morning. “She’s had a long few days and I can’t imagine she’s gotten much sleep, so don’t fucking crowd her.”

Your classmates took a few steps back away from Bakugo, afraid of what would happen if they tried to push back against him.

Aizawa, although not exactly thrilled with Bakugo’s reaction, didn’t bother to stop him. “I’m taking her up to her room,” he said. “I’ll let you all know how she’s feeling tomorrow.”

Everyone watched as Aizawa trudged up the stairs with you in his arms. Bakugo followed behind him, but briefly paused. “If any of you wake her up,” he said. “I won’t hesitate to kill you.” He glared at his peers for another few seconds before continuing to follow Aizawa up the stairs.

Your brother laid you down on your bed and pulled the covers up to your chin. His heart sank into his stomach seeing the scars from rope burns around your wrists. How he had not noticed them before he wasn’t sure, but he was definitely beating himself up over it.

Bakugo sat on your desk chair and watched. Aizawa tried to get him to go to sleep, to let you rest peacefully so you could recover faster, but your boyfriend refused. “I’m not gonna be able to sleep anyway,” he said. “Besides, I don’t want her to be alone when she wakes up.”

Aizawa nodded and turned back to you, kissing your hairline before departing to rest himself.

Bakugo sat there staring at your sleeping form, wanting to hold you and comfort you as your disgruntled brow moved up and down as you dreamt of the terrible week you had just endured.

By the time you woke up, it was dark outside. You had never felt more comfortable in your dorm room bed, and you began to regret all the times you complained about the stiff mattresses the school provided. You turned the lamp next to your bed on and saw that your boyfriend was leaning back in your desk chair, fast asleep. You smiled, although your thumb instinctively went to caress the newly formed scar drawn across your cheek.

You watched as Bakugo’s eyes fluttered open and grew wider as he saw you were finally awake. “Hi,” you said, smiling at him meekly.

“Hey.” He gulped a little, not knowing what to do or say. “How are you feeling?”

“How long was I out?” you asked, avoiding the question.

“We brought you back here about twenty hours ago. You slept pretty much all of today.”

“I’m sorry,” you said looking down. “I’m sorry that I needed rescuing and that I wasn’t able to defend myself.”

Bakugo could hear your throat tightening as tears and mucus welled in the back. He was quick to get up and get into your bed to hold you. He missed holding you like he would every Saturday morning before forcing the both of you to get up and go train.

You wrapped your arms around his torso and snuggled into his chest. “I thought I lost you,” you said between cries.

“What do you mean?”

You were silent, not sure if you should continue or not.

“(Y/n) what do you mean?” Bakugo raised his voice slightly, but not enough for him to be yelling at you. “What did they do to you?”

You buried your scarred cheek further into his chest. “They liked messing with me,” you said after a long period of silence. “The stapled one, Dabi, and that girl, Himiko Toga.” You felt Bakugo’s hold on you tighten, but you continued anyways. “At one point he backhanded me and one of his staples cut my cheek.” You sat up slightly so Bakugo could get a good look at the scar.

His eyes widened and his hand began to curl into a fist to prevent himself from blowing up your bedroom out of pure anger.

Knowing that he would pop off at any moment, you laid your head back onto his chest, letting him hold you some more. “Himiko Toga walked up to me and licked the blood off of my cheek. Oh god it was so slimy.” Your toes curled at remembering what her tongue felt like as it lapped its way around your face. “I watched her turn into me, become me before my eyes. Dabi held my head in place, forcing me to watch as she pretended to call you as me and end our relationship. She said that I hated you and that you were holding me back from becoming a true hero.”

You looked up at Bakugo and he wiped a few tears from off your cheeks and a few strands of hair out of your face. “I’ll kill that stapled bastard the next time I see him,” he said.

You nodded as you leaned forward to kiss him. It had been so long since you had felt the warmth of his soft lips on your own and smelt his caramel skin so close to yours. It was overwhelming but in a good way. In that moment you didn’t care that your body ached every time you moved. You were just happy to finally be held by your boyfriend once again.

[honeymoonjin]

Please note, these works are mine. I won’t accept any translations (sorry, foreign language army) or cross-posting on accounts that aren’t mine. If you see a work of mine on Wattpad, it is not me. Please let me know so I can get it taken down. If you see a work of mine on AO3 under any account that isn’t honeymoonjin, it is not me and please let me know. The banners are not made by me, they are made by the incredibly talented @jamaisjoons​. Please do not read works marked with the crown ♔ for smut if you are a minor. These are intended for audiences 18 or above.

These fics are the b-side, my older works which I’m not as happy with as my newer stuff. I don’t want to delete them since some may still enjoy them, but I wanna start fresh with works I’m personally proud of on my main masterlist from now on, so these are the ones that didn’t make the cut.

♔ smut || ➴ angst || ✭ crack || ☯ fluff

〚 darlin’ 〛✭

❝ you’re an actress that needs to learn to ride a horse for your next role. jin’s the cowboy tasked with teaching you. ❞

〚 pine 〛☯

❝ you’ve been hiding your crush on your best friend jin for far too long now, but it turns out he feels the same. ❞

〚 transition 〛✭

❝ seokjin’s job as a grim reaper is to guide souls after they die, but you’re not interested in moving on just yet. ❞

〚 pasta la vista 〛✭

❝ in which you, a food critic, wonders how kim seokjin manages to stay in business, considering how terrible his food seems to be. alternatively, kim seokjin does not know how to flirt. ❞

〚 come dine with me 〛♔

❝ yoonji eating you out in the kitchen that is literally it. ❞

〚 daegu hold ‘em 〛☯

❝ yoongi loves spoiling his girl. you love having a sugar daddy. that’s called synergy. ❞

〚 baby fever 〛♔

❝ doctor min yoongi is your fertility specialist, but during the artificial insemination procedure he has some…unorthodox methods. ❞

〚 mi casa 〛☯

❝ when yoongi brings you home to spend the holiday season with his family, he finally realizes he’s in love with you. ❞

〚 curious ft kth 〛♔

❝ taehyung is unsure of his sexuality, and you and your boyfriend yoongi are only too happy to let him experiment with you. ❞

〚 땡 / ddaeng 〛✭

❝ when blackmailed by a sasaeng, you and yoongi decide to instead release a diss-track featuring audio from an illegally obtained video of the two of you having sex. ❞

〚 unravel 〛➴ ∙ ☯

❝ you just want yoongi to see himself the way you see him. ❞

〚 heavy 〛♔

❝ mafia leader hoseok is having problems with loyalty in his ranks. luckily, you’ll always be there for him to relieve a little stress when he needs it. ❞

〚 close enough 〛➴

❝ hoseok thinks you’re getting a little too close to the other members, and he’s sick of it. part two now available here! ❞

〚 us 〛☯

❝ amongst the publicity of being an idol, hoseok wants his proposal to be a private affair. ❞

〚 unwind 〛♔

❝ your boyfriend is about to give an important speech at the United Nations but isn’t handling pre-speech nerves too well. luckily, you know some ways to help him relax. ❞

〚 keyed up ft kth〛♔

❝ when your mutual roommate namjoon gets a little too strung out, you and taehyung offer to help relieve some tension. ❞

〚 hey mama 〛☯

❝ one-shot for mother’s day. you spend an evening in with namjoon and your two boys. ❞

〚 going up? 〛✭ ∙ ☯

❝ you didn’t expect to be trapped in a faulty elevator with the president of south korea, but it’s still preferable to having to take the stairs. ❞

〚 sick day 〛♔

❝ namjoon gets a week off work, but you don’t, and he’s starting to get a little frustrated. ❞

〚 tumble dry 〛♔

❝ when jimin overhears you confessing to jungkook that you want to ride his thighs, jimin allows you…on one condition. ❞

〚 radio silence 〛♔

❝ jimin wants to indulge in his exhibitionism kink on the grandest scale: while at the grammys. ❞

〚 appa 〛☯

❝ jimin comes home from tour to visit his newborn son for the first time. ❞

〚 breaking point 〛➴

❝ you don’t think you can continue being in a relationship with jimin anymore. ❞

〚 arrivals 〛➴

❝ things go wrong at the airport when jimin’s wife and daughter accompany bts on a flight. ❞

〚 keyed up ft knj〛♔

❝ when your mutual roommate namjoon gets a little too strung out, you and taehyung offer to help relieve some tension. ❞

〚 roomie 〛✭

❝ falling in love with your cell mate isn’t generally advisable. ❞

〚 confessions of love are best done sober 〛➴ ∙ ☯

❝ kim taehyung used to be your best friend in primary school, but he’s changed into a completely different person. while you drink yourself into oblivion at a party, he has something to tell you. ❞

〚 itty-bitty 〛☯

❝ after finally moving in with your just-married husband, you have some more exciting news to tell him. ❞

〚 curious ft myg 〛♔

❝ taehyung is unsure of his sexuality, and you and your boyfriend yoongi are only too happy to let him experiment with you. ❞

〚 green room 〛♔

❝ jungkook isn’t happy with how you acted while he was on stage. ❞

〚 high-rise 〛☯

❝ getting locked out on a rooftop when you’re meant to be going on stage in five minutes is less than ideal, but luckily Jungkook has his girlfriend to keep him company. ❞

〚 shark week 〛✭ ∙ ☯

❝ when you get your period while at a restaurant with your boyfriend and the rest of bts, you just want to grin and bear it, but jungkook seems determined to show off to his hyungs how supportive he is. ❞

〚 the name game 〛✭ ∙ ☯

❝ jungkook likes to think he’s a genius at coming up with baby names. you, his heavily pregnant girlfriend, would have to disagree. ❞

〚 roll credits 〛☯

❝ after a string of misfortunes and troubles, you find yourself crying your eyes out in a movie theater. luckily, the cute usher wants to make sure you didn’t miss the film. ❞

〚 the daily grind 〛☯

❝ jeon jungkook has a crush on the girl that comes to the coffee shop he works at, but she’s too invested in her studying to even give him a second glance. ❞

〚 makin’ monet 〛✭

❝ jungkook’s attention is caught by his roommate taehyung’s odd collection of fake paintings, and he’s determined to find the painter. part two available here. ❞

〚 love yourself: the collab 〛✐ ∙ ♔ ∙ ��� ∙ ☯

❝ twenty-six authors, twenty-six songs. a collab me and @/jeonau created to celebrate the one year anniversary of lya. each song (plus four bonus tracks) has its own fic. ❞

⇥ masterlist here

⇥ pairings: several, at least one of every member x reader

〚 roll deep 〛✐ ∙ ♔

❝ six one-shots, pornstar au. ❞

⇥ masterlist here

⇥ pairings: one of each member x reader, yoonji x reader

〚 wouldst thou like to live deliciously? 〛✐ ∙ ♔ ∙ ➴

❝ jimin is sick of being a virgin, and the pressure of the first time with a girl, so he decides to summon a sex demon to get it over with. ❞

⇥ masterlist here

⇥ pairings: jimin x reader, namjoon x reader, yoongi x reader

〚 cum!bts 〛♔ ∙ ✭

❝ in the newest run! episode, the members compete to see which of them can make you orgasm the fastest. ❞

⇥ masterlist here

⇥ pairings: one of each member x reader

〚 sovereign 〛✐ ∙ ♔ ∙ ➴

❝ when you hear that your recently deceased grandmother left you her property in her will, at first you think that a dinky old cottage in the middle of nowhere isn’t going to mean much for you. but after spending a night there, you discover something far more valuable than the house itself: a hidden door that leads to another time, the same place but over 200 years in the past. in the late 18th century, there is a king who will die before his 21st birthday unless you can save him. will you help him, even if it means leaving your own life behind? ❞

⇥ masterlist here

⇥ pairings: jimin x reader, jungkook x reader

〚 lost in translation 〛✐ ∙ ➴ ∙ ☯

❝ you decide to uproot your life completely and move to korea to help teach english at a primary school. ❞

⇥ season one masterlist here

⇥ pairings: none so far

〚 seven 〛➴ ∙ ☯

❝ life with seven boyfriends isn’t always a walk in the park, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. ❞

⇥ part one || part two || part three

⇥ pairings: ot7 x reader

〚 dul, set 〛☯

❝ work can be tough. at least you have two boyfriends to come home to. ❞

⇥ part one || part two

⇥ pairings: hoseok x reader x yoongi

〚 spotlights 〛✭ ∙ ☯

❝ a fully interactive (~50 parts, 21 different endings) bts fic. you’ve been seated next to bts at a televised award show. will you end the night with a boyfriend or with a disaster? each member has 1 positive ending and 2 negative ones. ❞

⇥ entry post here

⇥ pairings: one of each member x reader

〚 enjoy your stay 〛 ♔ ∙ ➴

❝ working the graveyard shift at a hotel isn’t the most exciting job in the world, but your coworkers are certainly happy to have you here. ❞

⇥ masterlist here

⇥ pairings: jin x reader, jungkook x reader

〚 런닝맨 방탄 - running man bangtan 〛 ♔

❝ you and the other seven members of the popular variety show running man celebrate your 100th episode by completing various missions. ❞

⇥ part one || part two || part three

⇥ pairings: taehyung x reader, hoseok x reader x yoongi

[apriorisea]

BTS Imagine Series: Don’t Leave Me, Pt. 6

Hoseok x You

When he wakes up the next morning, it takes him a second to realize where he is. He automatically reaches for you---when he finds nothing but empty air, his world implodes all over again.       The living room. Of his apartment. The TV is still on. You’re still not there.       Flinging one arm over his eyes, he lies still for a long moment. I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her.      The buzzing of his phone causes him to nearly fall off the couch, unable to find the stupid device in the cushions. Finally, he scoops it into hand and touches the screen, desperate to see your name---      Instead he finds only messages from the other members in the Group chat. Nothing important.       The disappointment is crushing, settling on top of his lungs like a weight.       It was fortunate that they had all decided to take the day off; he knew he couldn’t manage to face them right now, to admit that you were gone, that he’d messed up, that he’d lost you.       The tears sting his eyes and he throws his arm over them again. How could I do this?       Lying there in the almost-silence, he becomes more aware of the pain. His muscles, his joints, his knee. That knot in his shoulders, the pounding in his head. The weight on his chest, the hole in his heart.       I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you      Taking a deep breath to fight down the tears, he brokenly mutters: “I’m sorry.” He’s talking to you, though you’re still not there. I miss you.       Before long, the overwhelming amount of pain is too much. He glances at his phone screen one more time---still no message from you---and lets the darkness swallow him. Gingerly curling into a ball on his side (supporting the injured knee on a couch pillow) he falls into a miserable sleep.

-----

Day 1 without Hobi.        It’s the first thing that pops into your mind when you wake up.        Actually, it’s the second. The first thing you do when your sore and still-swollen eyes open is roll over and reach for him. You find nothing but empty bed and your world implodes all over again.        You force yourself to take a deep breath--don’t cry don’t cry--and reach for your phone. Preparing yourself for even more disappointment, you touch the screen.        4 texts from your best friend.       2 from your mom.       1 from your coworker.       And 0 from Hoseok.        Even though you’d tried to prep yourself, the sadness eats its way through your protective shell. Nothing. Is this the but? you think bitterly. “I love you--but when I hurt you and lie to you and you storm out angry, I’m just going to let you go?”       You remember your best friend’s words from the night before. “Protecting me,” you whisper, unable to stop yourself from reaching out to touch his empty pillow. “From what?”       The familiar burning in your eyes makes you sit up. “No.” No more crying. Not now.        At some point, he’d contact you. He’d have to.        And, more likely, Namjoon would message you. He wouldn’t hear the news from his friend and not reach out to you.       You force yourself to take another small breath. All you had to do was distract yourself for the day. Just until you heard from one of them. Just a little longer.       I can do that. 

----

He wakes up at 3pm and everything still hurts.      He doesn’t even have to reach for you this time. He already knows.       He goes back to sleep.

----

9:30pm.       You climb into bed and look at your phone: still nothing. It twists your heart in a way that makes you feel like you can’t breathe.        Blinking back tears (again) you send a message to your best friend: You can read this, right?       He answers immediately: The text? Yes...      You give in to the tears: Oh okay, so my phone IS working.       “GENIUS”: ...No messages, huh?       Before you can answer, he messages you again:      “GENIUS”: I’m so sorry. Need me to come over again?       As much as you appreciated him and his offer, the last thing you wanted to do was talk about it again. This morning you had felt so hopeful, certain that something would happen, but now...Now all you wanted was to curl up and cry yourself to sleep. Thanks, but I’m okay. Gonna turn in early. Goodnight.       You don’t even look at his response.       He’s not the person you want a text from, anyway. 

----

Day 2 without Hobi.       This time when you wake up, you don’t reach for him; you just stare at his empty space for ten minutes. Then you roll yourself out of bed, get dressed, grab a granola bar, and drive to work.       Still no messages, but you weren’t really expecting any---low expectations and all. You’d had to use a lot of concealer to cover up the dark circles under your eyes, though that didn’t help how puffy they still were. Thankfully, none of your coworkers felt like chatting this morning. They left you alone. In silence.        When your phone buzzes just before lunch, you talk yourself down before you even look at it. It’s nothing. It’s not him. Don’t get your hopes up.        The rush of adrenaline and then plummeting disappointment you feel when you see Jimin’s name on the screen leaves you dizzy. You take a small breath before opening the message; you loved Jimin, of course, but he is not the first member you would have picked to reach out to you after hearing the news.       JIMIN: Hey~~~~ Can you come by when you get off work?? Jin-hyung and I need some help.       You stare at the message. Need some help? What does that mean? And no mention of the break-up....Oh. Jimin usually had the most tact of the 7 members; this was probably just his way of getting you to come by so you all  could talk, get your side of the story. It scared you how much you were aching for an opportunity to talk with them, to get their feedback. It’s not him, but it’s close enough for now.       You shoot him a reply and then get back to work, but your mind is full of other things. Maybe you’d finally get some answers. Maybe the guys could offer some insight. Maybe by the end of the day, you’d feel a little less devastated. Maybe...       From the moment you enter the boardroom, though, something is off. Jimin greets you with his customary enthusiasm, sweeping you into a tight hug of wriggly-puppy excitement. Jin is, of course, a little more guarded, but even he seems happy. Comfortable.       What is going on?       They sit you in a chair between them and Jimin gets started right away: “Okay, so, this year, because of the tour, we decided to celebrate Yoongi-hyung and Hobi-hyung’s birthdays together.”      “B...birthdays?” You’re reeling.       “Yeah.” Jin seems to sense something’s wrong, because he smiles at you gently. “Usually, we’d do separate celebrations, but there’s just no time this year...So we thought it’d be great to do them together, so everyone can be there. What do you think?”      What do I think??? “Yeah, that sounds....Sounds...” you can’t even think of a lie. You bring one hand to massage your forehead. Are they pretending?     Jimin’s frowning. “Noona, what?” When you don’t answer, he reaches out and gently pulls your hand away from your forehead. “Are you okay?”      “If you’d rather do something different,” Jin says, backpedaling away from his perceived misstep, “Then we can do that, for sure. We just thought this would...be....”      You weren’t even aware that you were crying again until you see the horrified expressions on their faces. “You...you don’t know?” you manage eventually.     Jimin, who has his arm wrapped around your shoulders, trades a panicked glance with Jin. “Know? Know what?”      The stabbing pain in your gut intensifies. He hadn’t told them. He hadn’t said a word to his best friends, his family, his brothers. I mean so little to him that he didn’t even bother mentioning it to any of them??��      “What’s going on?” Jin is desperately uncomfortable. “Are you hurt?”      You finally manage to find your voice. “Hoseok and I....aren’t together anymore.”      Jimin’s mouth falls open in shock. “I---what??”      “He didn’t--didn’t say anything?”      They shake their heads wordlessly.       “Oh.” It hurts. It hurts so much. “I love you, but....”      “Noona,” Jimin says quietly, trying to look into your face. “What happened?”      In a shaky voice, you give them the short version. When you’re finished, you can’t understand the expressions on their faces; all you know is that you want to be somewhere, anywhere else. You rocket to your feet. “I’m sorry,” you blurt out in response to their surprise. “I just, I don’t feel like I should be here right now. Like I can be here. I...I need to go. Take care.” You rush out of the room without waiting for them to respond.       Once you get in your car, you dial your best friend, listening to the phone ring through the car speakers as you leave the parking garage in a hurry. You can feel yourself almost hyperventilating as his voicemail clicks on. “He didn’t even tell them,” you say immediately after the beep. “All of the other members--his best friends---he didn’t even tell them! They had NO clue. So, what, now I’m not important enough to even be mentioned? Why wouldn’t he...why wouldn’t he say anything?” You’re crying again, wiping at your face incessantly so you can see the road ahead of you. “I love him,” you choke out. “I thought he was the one, I really did. But....Why wasn’t I enough? Why didn’t he let me into his life? Why does he keep shutting me out? What did I do? What’s wrong with me?”      At this point, you’re just rambling, making use of the empty space to get out every last bit of hurt.       “I feel like an idiot. Here I am, thinking he is THE ONE, and he doesn’t even care about me enough to cry about our break-up to his brothers?? I was all in, and he couldn’t even tell me the truth about how he was feeling, about his injuries...I’m so dumb.” You take your first deep inhale, and there’s a long pause. “And you know what the dumbest thing is? I still miss him. Even now, all I can think about is driving to his place and seeing him again. I hate it. I hate h--” you bite down on your tongue. “I don’t hate him,” you admit brokenly. “I wish I did.”       You change your mind at the next light, turning left and heading for the river; you didn’t want to go back to your silent apartment right now. “Anyway. Call me when you get a chance, okay? I just...I had been hoping things would work out, honestly, but now...Now it feels impossible. Please tell me if you think I’m wrong. But...Anyway. Bye.”      How could I have been so blind?

----

“Hey!” Jungkook grins brightly as Jimin and Jin walk into the room. “You guys finish everything?” He gives them a knowing look, as subtle as a bull in a china shop.       “Not now.” Jimin looks angry, and his attention is focused on Hoseok. “What happened?” he demands.       The practice room falls silent.       Looking quickly between the silent Hoseok and the fuming Jimin, Yoongi tries to intervene. “What’s going on?”      Jin’s more gentle in his approach. “Why didn’t you say anything?”      “Say anything?” Taehyung panics. “Say anything about what?” His eyes go immediately to Hoseok’s recently injured knee.       “When were you going to tell us you guys aren’t together anymore?” Jimin stays on track.      “Oh no,” Jungkook’s eyes are wide.      Namjoon looks at his friend. “Hob-ah...” he says sadly, and it’s this muted reaction that captures the room’s attention; he waits until Hoseok looks over at him. “I was afraid of this.”      “I wasn’t...” Hoseok speaks for the first time. “I didn’t know what to say.”      He sounds so pitiful and uncharacteristically lost that it completely takes the fire out of Jimin. Sitting hard on the floor next to his older brother, his voice is softer as he says, “She said...you never told her about the knee injury on tour? That you lied to her.”     He swallows. “That’s true.”     “Wh---why?”     “I didn’t want to lose her!” The confession comes out wild and desperate. His voice echoes around the practice room, and in the silence that follows, he takes a small breath: “This life...you know how tough it is, not just on us, but on those closest to us. All the stress, the drama, the intensity of it all, it---I was afraid of letting her in too close too soon. I was afraid that she’d see it all and decide it wasn’t worth it. I was afraid that she’d walk away, like---” He clamps his mouth shut, but it’s too late.     Releasing a long, heavy breath, the oldest brother sits down next to Jimin. “Like my ex,” Jin finishes for him.      “So....why didn’t you just tell her that?” Yoongi asks after a moment.     “I---” Hoseok looks at him, lost for words. “She was...she was so angry, and hurt, and I...I couldn’t think straight. And she kept saying things about how I don’t trust her, and questioning if I love her, and I just...”     “Who ended it?” asks Taehyung quietly.        The tears jump back into Hoseok’s eyes. “She told me...she told me not to call her. Or touch her...” He can still see the fury and heartbreak in your eyes as you screamed at him in his studio. “I tried to message her as soon as she left, but she told me to stop. She didn’t want to hear from me anymore.” The tears escaped. “I messed up.”     Jimin has him in a hug almost immediately, but it’s Namjoon who speaks first: “She still loves you. She might be mad right now, but you know she loves you.”      “How could she?” he asks unevenly; his mind is fuzzy with the pain of the topic, missing you, and the steady ache coming from his entire body. “How could she still love me after how I treated her? I lied to her. And then, to her face, I swore I didn’t lie to her! I wouldn’t forgive me either. She deserves better than that, and I--I’m not better than that. Obviously.”      “Hyung,” Jungkook sounds pained. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”      “She’ll understand,” Yoongi agrees quietly. “You just need to talk to her.”      “...What if she doesn’t understand?” He looks directly at Namjoon.       “You really have that little faith in her?” he asks plainly.        There’s a sudden disturbance as the dance crew and choreographers walk in, and Hoseok hastily wipes at his face.        Taehyung has a thoughtful look on his face. “I think...” he hesitates, but when they all turn to look at him, he pushes forward. “Maybe don’t call her tonight. She might need some space still---it sounds like she was pretty hurt.”       “She was devastated,” Jin says quietly, putting a hand on Hoseok’s shoulder as he reacts to the statement.      “But call her first thing tomorrow,” Taehyung finishes. “You guys need each other.”      Hoseok nods slowly, turning their words over in his mind carefully. Not wanting to make a scene, the others start to dissipate, chatting casually with the dancers and stretching. Only Namjoon remains at Hoseok’s side.      “I wish you’d told me,” he says quietly. “She’s probably furious at me, too, for not saying anything.”      “The look on her face...” Hoseok’s gaze is unfocused as he remembers. “I swore that I’d never hurt her, but the way she looked at me...”     Namjoon puts a hand on his shoulder. “Hey. Don’t dwell on it now. Let’s get through today first. I’ll find out how she’s feeling and let you know. Okay?”      Falteringly, Hoseok meets his friend’s eyes. “Okay.”

----

You get Namjoon’s message just as you pull into your parking space.      JOONIE: Are you okay?     Releasing a long, unsteady breath, you turn off your car and look at the message for a long time. You’d spent the last few hours walking along the river, and somewhere at the midway point, you’d lost your anger towards your birthday-buddy friend. In fact, you weren’t really angry at anything anymore. You were pretty sure you were all cried out, too. The ache of missing Hoseok, of knowing he didn’t care that much about you, had numbed over, grown dull over the course of time and your endless thoughts.     Your best friend had called you back, and you’d spent over an hour talking it out with him. This time, you’d insisted you didn’t want to hear his opinion.       But now....you were too tired to rant anymore. Too tired to be angry. Too tired to feel anything except heartache.          YOU: Not really.      His response is immediate: I’m so sorry. I didn’t know, or else I would’ve reached out earlier.       Of course you didn’t know, you think bitterly. I’m not important enough to mention. But to him, you say only: It’s fine. Honestly, I’m really worn out today. I don’t really want to talk about it right now.       JOONIE: Of course. Can we talk tomorrow?       YOU: Sure.      JOONIE: Get some sleep. It’s gonna be okay.       Okay. Sure.      Moving like a zombie, you make it into your apartment. Dropping your purse, keys, and jacket in a pile near the door, you slip off your shoes and head straight for the shower. You turn the water as hot as you can bear and spend nearly an hour standing under the jetstreams before you even think about washing your hair. You spend 15 minutes just staring at his bottle of shampoo.       When you finally climb out, wrapping yourself in the fluffiest towel, it’s almost 2 hours later: your skin is wrinkled, but you feel a little less empty. Wrapping your dripping hair in a towel, you pull on your comfiest pair of leggings and then stand, stuck, in front of the closet. Two sweatshirts were in easy reach; one of them yours, the other his. You wage a silent battle with yourself for nearly 10 minutes before finally, brokenly, reaching for the one that belongs to him.       Pulling it on, you inhale his scent and feel just a little less broken. I miss you.       Too tired to spend time drying your hair, you free it from the towel and spend a few seconds quickly braiding it out of your face. How can I still miss him so much?      It’s when you reach for your favorite pair of long socks that you see the alert on your phone: a voicemail from an unknown number.       Perfect, you think sarcastically. Just what I need.       You put it on speaker and access the inbox, hitting play as you pull on the first sock.      The sound of his voice makes your heart drop.      “Angel? I--I need you. Please. I’m scared, can you---can you just come here?” A ragged, inhaled breath. “I’m--I’m at the hospital.”

[thelastspeecher]

Pirate AU - Dan and the Captain

So, in the Pirate AU, Manly Dan is the first mate of Angie (aka Sully, aka Sally).  They met back when Angie first joined a pirate ship as Sully and was scared and nervous, and started up a friendship for the ages.  Here’s some of that friendship.

Enjoy.

——————————————————————————————

              “Manly” Dan Corduroy felt like he knew his captain well, probably better than anyone else.  After all, he’d been there the first day Sully joined a ship.  He was the one to help Sully as he learned to be a pirate, the one who taught Sully how to be more manly.

              Dan was the only person who witnessed the entirety of Sully’s gradual change from a shy, soft-spoken cabin boy to a brash, assertive captain.  He considered Sully to be a friend.  So it was startling to overhear the captain having a hushed conversation with his first mate, Stan.

              “Are you sure you wanna do this?” Stan said. Passing by the captain’s cabin, Dan paused.  “I mean, you’ve kept this hidden for a while.  Who knows how the crew will react?”

              “It’s somethin’ I’ve needed to come clean about fer a while, Stan.”  Dan’s eyes widened.  It was undoubtedly Sully’s voice, but more in line with how he’d sounded when he first started.  High-pitched and accented.

              I thought his voice changed over time. More surprising than the discovery that Sully’s voice hadn’t truly changed, however, was that the captain felt the need to keep his real voice a secret from Dan.  Dan, the man he’d had as a first mate for years, who he claimed to trust more than anyone else.  I guess he just trusts Stan more than he ever trusted me.  But I shouldn’t hold that against him.  He and the first mate are dating, after all.

              “But promise me one thing,” Sully said.

              “What?”

              “…Don’t tell my brother how I go about it, okay? He’s already apoplectic about discoverin’ what happened to me.  He don’t need further reasons to have a heart attack.”

              “Yeah, he seemed a bit uptight,” Stan said with a chuckle.

              Brother?  Dan wracked his brain for anything Sully told him about his family.  One memory came to mind.  The second night Sully had spent on their old ship.

----- 

              “Look, kid-” Dan started.  Sully scowled at him fiercely.  It didn’t make him seem even slightly intimidating.  Sully was too short, his face too round.  He was clearly just a scared boy.  Much like Dan had been not long ago when he became a pirate.

              “I’m older ‘n you,” Sully snapped, a distinct twang to his voice.  Dan sat next to him.

              “Not with a BABY face like that,” he pointed out. “There’s no WAY you’re even out of your TEENS yet.”  Sully looked down at his feet.  Dan lowered his voice to fit the more somber topic.  “Anyways, I was gonna ask…what’s your family situation like?”  Sully stilled.

              “…Complicated.”

              “That’s how it is for a lot of people who find themselves on a pirate ship.  But I was wondering if you had a dad or brothers, any sort of man in your life to teach you how to, y’know.  Be manly.” Dan flexed his arms as a demonstration.

              “My ma was a big influence on me,” Sully said softly.  Dan nodded. That was in line with what he’d expected – namely, that Sully was raised by a single mother.  “I have three older brothers.”  That surprised Dan.

              “None of them showed you the ropes?”

              “We were too far apart in age.  We weren’t that close.”  Sully looked away morosely.  “I wish they could’ve taught me more, but all they really did was teach me some self-defense.”

              “Well, that’s better than nothing,” Dan said. Sully grunted softly.  “Lemme guess.  You’re a university brat, aren’t you?”  Sully didn’t say anything.  “If you were doing anything other than reading books all day, you’d have some hair on your chest.”  Sully turned pink.

              “Y-you saw my-” he stammered.

              “It’s an expression.  Relax.”

              “Oh.”  Sully looked down at his hands.  “You were right.  I went to university before…”  He trailed off.  “It doesn’t matter.  What matters is that I’m on a pirate ship and not prepared for it whatsoever.”  Dan clapped Sully heartily on the back.

              “You’re in LUCK, kid!  I’m the MANLIEST man on board, so I’m gonna HELP you out.”

              “…Really?”  Sully eyed Dan doubtfully.  “Why?”

              “Even if you WEREN’T a pirate, you’d need some MANLY lessons.”

              “But why are you helping me?”

              “You’re not the only one with brothers.”  Dan lowered his voice again.  “My older brother, Orson, he was the one who helped me be the man I am today.  I gotta pay it forward, y’know?”  Sully softened, likely thinking of his own older brothers.

              “Okay.”  Sully took a deep breath.  “If you’re offering manliness lessons, I guess I’ll take ‘em.”

              “EXCELLENT!” Dan boomed.  Sully winced.  “FIRST lesson: you need to change your VOICE.”

              “Wh- what’s wrong with my voice?”

              “You’ve got a NECK wound,” Dan said, pointing at the bandage on Sully’s neck.  Sully turned red.  His first night, someone had tried to slit his throat, but he managed to get the upper hand at the last second.  Sully was visibly disgruntled and unnerved by the experience.  “The SHIP doc said it might DAMAGE your voice.”

              “But it didn’t.”

              “Pretend it DID,” Dan said.  Sully furrowed his brow.  “We can WORK on that together in private.  Don’t talk to ANYONE until I give you the all clear.”  After a moment, Sully nodded.  “GREAT!”  Dan got up to leave.  But before he could, Sully spoke up.

              “Dan?”

              “Yeah?”

              “…Thank you,” Sully said softly.  Dan grinned at his new coworker.  His new friend.

              “No problem, Sully.”

----- 

              Dan shook himself free of the memory.  Sully had multiple brothers, and apparently was in contact with at least one of them.  Which surprised Dan.  Sully didn’t seem too fond of his family, despite clearly loving them deeply.

              When would Sully or Stan talk to one of his brothers?  Dan thought on that a bit more, and once he realized, he slapped his forehead with a loud groan.  The person he went easy on a few months ago!  The man had challenged Sully to a duel and lost, but said something softly to the captain.  And whatever he had said, had been enough to break Sully’s nerve.  Sully sheathed his sword and had the man thrown in the brig. After a few conversations in the captain’s cabin, the man was left ashore in some town called Gravity Falls.

              Now that Dan thought about it, that man, Fiddleford, had been eerily similar in appearance to the captain.  There was the obvious shared large nose, but Dan had gotten a close look at Fiddleford, and found the man to have intelligent blue eyes. Just like Sully.

              Fiddleford is the captain’s brother!  That’s why he went easy on him!  Dammit, Dan, why didn’t you figure it out sooner?  Dan knew the answer.  Sully was simply that good at keeping things under wraps.  Once he’d found his sea legs, it became impossible to learn something about Sully unless he said it himself.  As evidenced by the fact that Sully apparently had some sort of secret he’d kept from everyone except Stan.

              “Did you hear something?” Stan asked from inside the cabin.

              “Go check,” the captain instructed.  Quickly, Dan stepped away from the cabin and pretended to be inspecting the mast.  Stan poked his head out of the cabin, looked around, then went back inside.  Dan sighed softly.

              No use crying over spilled milk.  I would have liked the captain to trust me with everything, but he’s private.  I’ll just have to wait to be told whatever this secret is.  At least it sounds like I won’t have to wait that long.

----- 

              Dan was correct.  He didn’t have to wait long.  Later that same day, the captain summoned the entire crew to the deck for an important announcement.  Captain Sully stood on the forecastle deck, as he was too short to be seen by everyone otherwise.  He looked down at the crew with a trepidation Dan hadn’t seen in years, Stan by his side. He also wasn’t wearing a coat over his shirt, which stood out to Dan, who knew the captain to be cold almost constantly.

              “I have something to tell all of you,” he said without preamble.  The crew was dead silent.  “I’ve lied to you all.  My name isn’t Sully.”  The captain took a deep, steadying breath, then ripped open his shirt, revealing pale breasts.  “My name is Sally.”

              “Stow it!” Stan barked at the mutters that had rippled through the crew.  “The captain is sharing something personal and deserves your respect.”

              “Thank you, Stan.”  The captain’s voice maintained the distinctive rasp, but was now higher.  “My name is Sally.  I’m a woman. Have been since I was born.  But women aren’t taken seriously on a ship, so I had to pretend to be something I wasn’t.”  The captain scanned the crew, meeting each person’s eyes individually. “Something we’ve all done at one point.” The captain sighed heavily and straightened, putting both hands behind his – her? – back.  “Going forward, I’ll be returning to my true state as a woman named Sally.  I’m still your same captain, however, so I will not tolerate any disrespect or changes in how I am treated.”

              “You heard her,” Stan said.  “Captain Sally is the same person she was yesterday.  Don’t treat her differently.  Understand?”

              “Aye,” the crew replied.

              “Good,” Sully – Sally said.  “You may return to your duties.  Dan, please, come see me.”

              While the other crew members, including First Mate Stan, dispersed, Dan approached the captain.  He nodded at her.

              “Captain.”  This was clearly a private conversation, so he quieted his usual speaking volume.

              “Dan.”  Sally buttoned her shirt, then looked up at Dan.  “I wanted to apologize.”

              “For what?” Dan asked.

              “We’ve been close for years.  You were the first friend I made on a ship,” Sally said softly. “But I lied to you, from the beginning.”

              “I understand.”

              “Sure, I had a good reason,” Sally said, waving a hand airily.  “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t lie.  I know you aren’t feeling the most charitable towards me right now.  After all, I was pissed as hell at-”  Sally suddenly cut herself off.  Dan leaned in slightly.

              “Your brother?” he asked, making his voice as soft as possible.  One corner of Sally’s mouth quirked up into a crooked smile.

              “You figured out why I went easy on Fiddleford,” she said softly.  “You’re right.  He’s my brother, and I was pissed at him.  The reason is complicated.  But I had hurt feelings, even though he didn’t really do anything wrong.  Which is why I know exactly how you feel right now.”

              “You think I’m angrier than I am,” Dan pointed out. Sally sighed.

              “I can never tell with you when you’re quiet.”

              “Captain, you don’t need to worry about me.”

              “Well, in that case, you can get back to work.” Sally raised an eyebrow at Dan. “Unless there was something else you wanted to say to me.”

              “Your real name isn’t Sally, is it?” Dan asked. Sally threw her head back and laughed.

              “I didn’t hide my tell perfectly, huh?  Good thing you’re the only one who knows it. Don’t slip about that to anyone, okay? Stan thinks Sally’s my real name.” She punched Dan’s shoulder.  “Now, get back to work, crewman.”

              “Yes, captain,” Dan rumbled, returning his voice to its usual volume.  He walked away, unable to ignore the swell of pride he felt.

              I was right.  I know her better than anyone else.

[fics-of-my-mind]

Trust - Chapter XI.

‘Jeez,’ I grimaced. ‘You’re trying to kill me?’

‘Just want you to have a good time, Hun,’ Erica chuckled. ‘This is your LA club virginity after all.’

We laughed together, then I excused myself to the bathroom. I was getting used to this, living in this city, this country, going to clubs like the locals. I pressed myself through between sweaty bodies with a grin on my face on my way to the toilette.

It only took one second for the moment to freeze. It was just like in movies, when everything stops, when you can’t concentrate on your surroundings, just that one thing you see. Like one of the rom-coms, a scene that I never thought could happen in real life.

The millisecond my gaze wandered to the upstairs VIP area, I was faced with two very familiar dark brown orbs, also staring at me in shock. He was leaning on his elbows on the railing, a drink in his hand. He looked amazing, in a dark blazer, black T-shirt and some jeans. His stubble looked a bit bigger than last time I saw him. His lips were ajar as he tried comprehending my presence in a downtown LA club.

It lasted for an extremely long moment, then as soon as I got my composure back, I turned away, heading towards the restrooms, not looking back.

I wasn’t stupid. When I moved here – hell, when I first heard Sophie say ‘LA opportunity’ – it crossed my mind that one of the barriers between us, the distance would be gone. We’d be living in the same city. It seemed more possible to run into each other than before. Then again, I wasn’t naïve either. As much as I liked to think of the coincidence of getting to know Nick in his natural habitat, I knew that there was a microscopic chance of the same thing happening again.

But it did. Nick was here. We were in the same club.

Warnings: mature content, BDSM content Pairing: Nick Jonas / Other Female Character This fanfiction can also be found on Wattpad by fnntth

I don’t own Nick Jonas or any other recognizable characters. This fanfiction is completely fictional, its only purpose is entertainment.

Chapter XI. - Standing in the dark, although we've turned on the lights

In the beginning of September what I was afraid of for months became reality: I was fired. Not because I made a mistake, not because I wasn’t working hard enough, simply because due to COVID the brand in Hungary wasn’t profitable anymore. At the same time, I was offered an opportunity inside the company. An opportunity that came with a move.

The brand I was working on had its headquarters in Los Angeles. When they started firing people from the company, they kept the ones that ‘could be a real asset in the future’, or at least that’s what they told me. I just had to be ready to move, something that I never thought would be an option for me in my life.

I had everything in Hungary. My friends, my family, my home, my dog. I’ve never been one of those people that were brave and went to unknown places with the plans of making new friends, building a new life. I never even went on Erasmus or Campus Mundi, the international programs my university was offering. I wasn’t that kind of person to just get up and leave it all behind, to move thousands of miles away.

This was a big opportunity. Once in a lifetime, as Sophie, my boss said. She also stated that she was jealous, that she didn’t think this would happen when they asked her to evaluate the team members. But apparently, I fit the brand’s profile as so as they were willing to move me out to the USA.

I had to do this. This was life giving me an out of the current situation, something to help me take my mind off the heartbreak. This was something that I couldn’t say no to.

I spent my last day at the Budapest office crying my eyes out. I couldn’t stop. I loved working here, I loved my coworkers, my bosses, the whole company. In the evening we went for a dinner, just the three of us, the core of the team and toasted to new beginnings and opportunities.

I wasn’t sure I was ready for change, yet a few days later I was on my way to the airport with my life packed into two big suitcases. It hurt to leave; hurt to leave my dog home with my parents, to step out on my apartment’s door, to decide what was worth taking with me and what wasn’t. It was pretty hard, yet I still preferred being sad over this than over Nick.

Moving to a new city, a city more than 6000 miles away from my home was extremely scary. I didn’t know anyone, I wasn’t part of the local culture, I’ve never even been to the US in my life. Always wanted to go, just never had the chance. At least, I’ve watched enough American series to have an idea about how the things were going to go, starting with the huge amount of paperwork I’ve had to fill just to get my work visa.

What does one see when thinking about Los Angeles? Palm trees, beaches, sun, surfers, green juices. No one tells you that it rains a lot, that some neighborhoods are quite dangerous, that it’s perfectly normal to see a police chase on your third day in the city. And the tourists… Now that the virus was gone – or at least in sleep mode – tourists were everywhere. You couldn’t move, couldn’t do anything.

My first impression… wasn’t too great. The minute I set foot in LA, I thought that I was making a huge mistake. I’ve already missed my family, my friends, my dog, everything. I didn’t know a single soul, I’ve had no one to turn to when I wasn’t sure about something. On the first night, I called my (now ex) boss, Sophie in tears, hoping that she’d save me and get me my job back at home back.

‘Suck it up and do what I’ve taught you,’ was all she said, being the confident lady boss I’ve always admired. She was more than just my boss, she was a real role model, someone I wanted to become in ten years. Hearing her say that this was the biggest opportunity in my life did the trick, the next day I started working with my old ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ motto in mind.

Since it was the company moving me out, they agreed to pay my rent for the first six months of living in LA, which was quite generous. I got a condo in Hermosa, not so far from the office. You see, I understood why in movies they always have cars in LA. ‘Not so far’ meant 35 minutes by public transportation, one and a half hour on foot, yet only fifteen minutes by car.

Problem is, I hated driving. I had my license since I was 17, yet never liked driving. I loved it much more, when someone would take me somewhere, and I always choose public transportation in Budapest. Here, I had no choice, on the second week of living in LA, I spent all my savings on a car.

The apartment building was near the beach, like only a few streets down. This was an aspect I loved in the first minute. I’ve never lived in a city or country where there was an actual beach, and I could already see myself taking long walks in the evenings, since I’ve had nothing better to do anyway. The property also had a pool and a gym – both luxuries that wasn’t usual in my country.

The apartment itself was fully furnished in a minimalistic style, which I would’ve loved, but the close to zero decoration made it feel empty. My two suitcases of clothes and stuff were lost in the two bedroom apartment, and it was just so lonely. I felt even more alone than before, still debating if this was the right decision.

Then, on my first day of work I fell in love with the edgy office building, the cool people around me and basically with just the atmosphere. I loved being at work, it took my mind off everything else, and really, I was doing surprisingly good. Even though I was pretty good in English, I’ve had this fear that I’d get misunderstood, or couldn’t pick up the pace, but all went well. When I left the office on my first day, I walked out with a smile on my face, knowing that yes, I needed to do this.

Some of my colleagues took it upon themselves to make me feel less alone. It didn’t take them long, by October I was part of their little group. I’ve gotten especially close with a girl, Erica, one of the coolest people I’ve ever met. She was my new self-claimed best friend.

After a month of living in the US, I was definitely happy. Still lonely, but much happier than during the whole summer, or before that. I was thriving, doing something I loved, being good at it, being surrounded by amazing people in a place of which I’ve just dreamed of before. I wasn’t perfectly happy with LA yet, but I was getting used to it.

Sure, it was still quite lonely. Going home to the empty apartment, realizing that I can only call my parents or friends if I’m sure they are already awake… It was a process. The whole move and change was a process that was still happening. And to my biggest surprise, the process made me happier after all.

I’ve never imagined living in LA. When I daydreamed about coming to the US, it was always New York, city of my dreams. But here I was… And I decided that I wasn’t going to hold myself back from experiencing something great. Los Angeles was the city of dreams after all, wasn’t it?

When Erica suggested that we go to a nightclub I even forgot to oppose to the idea. It’s been so long since I went out, probably months ago, when Vanda and Amalia dragged me somewhere. Not that I didn’t like going out, I just haven’t been in the mood lately.

But when my newfound bestie showed up at my apartment with her makeup bag and some slutty choices of outfit, I couldn’t resist. It felt so good to dress up, do my hair and feel fabulous again, and I was also a little curious about the LA night life. I’ve lived here for a month now, and I’ve only been to a couple of bars and restaurants with my colleagues, so it was time to go exploring.

I choose a black satin cocktail dress, not too short, yet barely reaching my knees with an open back. Honestly, I think the past months of agony did good to my body, I definitely liked more what I saw in the mirror. My waist was slender, my figure was just curvy enough and I didn’t even mind that I haven’t lost any fat from my ass, since the pencil form of the dress made it look amazing.

I wanted to wear flats, but Erica reminded me that this was LA. It wasn’t allowed for me to wear anything but high heels, even if I took them off during the night. So I choose my black, way too high for my liking sandals and my also black Furla purse – one of the more expensive pieces of accessories I owned.

We did our makeups – yay to working at a beauty company and having endless amounts of free products – and Erica curled my hair slightly, something that I was never able to do for myself.

I looked surprisingly amazing. Erica too, in her own red bodycon dress. We were hot. Probably this is why we got in to the newest club in town – after some pre-gaming at home – in only ten minutes of time. It also helped that Erica knew one of the bartenders.

‘Okay, I’ve got to admit that this is fun,’ I laughed two hours later, when we made our way to the crowded bar. I felt alive. This nightlife scene was much bigger than the one at home, much more exciting and I was having an amazing time. We spent the past hours dancing around, then drinking, then dancing some more. I was buzzed enough, so my feet weren’t killing me in the heels.

‘Told ya’ she smiled, asking her bartender friend for another round of gin tonics, and also some tequila shots. ‘C’mon girl, we gotta’ keep up the level,’ she chuckled, raising her tequila glass at me.

I normally hated shots, but my slightly drunk self couldn’t resist. I grinned at her, clicking our glasses, then threw back the drink. Tequila burned through my esophagus, down to my stomach, making me warm.

‘Jeez,’ I grimaced. ‘You’re trying to kill me?’

‘Just want you to have a good time, Hun,’ Erica chuckled. ‘This is your LA club virginity after all.’

We laughed together, then I excused myself to the bathroom. I was getting used to this, living in this city, this country, going to clubs like the locals. I pressed myself through between sweaty bodies with a grin on my face on my way to the toilette.

It only took one second for the moment to freeze. It was just like in movies, when everything stops, when you can’t concentrate on your surroundings, just that one thing you see. Like one of the rom-coms, a scene that I never thought could happen in real life.

The millisecond my gaze wandered to the upstairs VIP area, I was faced with two very familiar dark brown orbs, also staring at me in shock. He was leaning on his elbows on the railing, a drink in his hand. He looked amazing, in a dark blazer, black T-shirt and some jeans. His stubble looked a bit bigger than last time I saw him. His lips were ajar as he tried comprehending my presence in a downtown LA club.

It lasted for an extremely long moment, then as soon as I got my composure back, I turned away, heading towards the restrooms, not looking back.

I wasn’t stupid. When I moved here – hell, when I first heard Sophie say ‘LA opportunity’ – it crossed my mind that one of the barriers between us, the distance would be gone. We’d be living in the same city. It seemed more possible to run into each other than before. Then again, I wasn’t naïve either. As much as I liked to think of the coincidence of getting to know Nick in his natural habitat, I knew that there was a microscopic chance of the same thing happening again.

But it did. Nick was here. We were in the same club.

I closed the door of the ladies’ room behind me and leaned on the sink for support, trying to calm my rapid breathing down. I did not expect this, not really. I wasn’t prepared to see him, even if just from a distance. All the feelings, all the hurt I tried letting go of were back in the second our gazes found each other.

Up until that moment I was doing fine. Moving on with my life, concentrating on other things, not letting myself sink into depression because of Nick. I thought I had it under control with the move, the new environment, the new people. Turns out, I didn’t. It was just an act, pretending that everything was okay, that I was over him.

Well, clearly I wasn’t. At least that’s what the twenty minutes I’ve spent collecting myself said.

When I finally left the restroom, I was a little bit worried that Nick was going to be waiting outside for me. When he wasn’t, I felt both relieved and a little bit disappointed. Maybe he didn’t want to see me. Maybe he successfully forgot me.

I shook my head, trying to remind myself that my goal was to leave without having one of those awkward moments with him. I wasn’t ready to face him. He was still married. I wasn’t as over him as much as I would’ve liked. It’s been long months since I’ve heard from him.

Not being the kind of person to just leave Erica behind without a world, my way lead back to the bar. I’ve successfully made it through the sea of people, suddenly not enjoying the throbbing nightlife of LA anymore. My feet started hurting, so I’ve kept my gaze on the ground, trying not to fall.

This is how I ended up bumping into someone’s chest. I mean, it wasn’t really a surprise, there were a lot of people in the club and I wasn’t looking in front of me.

I could feel my ankle twist in the high heels, which made me wince. I was expecting the fall to the floor, I was ready to have everyone looking at me. Instead I could feel strong hands on my upper arms, keeping me from falling.

I didn’t need to look up to know who it was. His intense, unique scent of sandalwood, pink pepper, mint and lavender instantly filled my lungs. I froze in the moment. My eyes were fixated on his black T-shirt, as I tried regaining my balance.

‘Milla,’ Nick said, his voice almost like a whisper. This made me immediately raise my glance and look into his dark brown eyes. It was like a cheesy movie, the moment our gazes collided, the outside world stopped existing. I didn’t hear the music, didn’t feel the people, didn’t feel my feet hurt.

I wanted to jump into his arms (even more), I wanted to kiss him, hug him, never let him go. At the same time, there was this urge in me to run away instantly, to avoid him for the rest of my life. Maybe it was the fresh heartbreak, maybe it was the fact that things between us still weren’t right, they weren’t possible.

I felt like a deer caught in headlights, looking up at him with my lips parted. I was shocked to be this close to him again, to bump into him in this sweaty club. His hands still on my arms didn’t exactly help either.

He looked amazing, even more up close than before. He was extremely hot, perfectly fitting into the LA nightlife scene. Being close to him made me want to do things, things I’ve wanted before, yet the feeling was even more intensive now, after long months of being away.

‘How–‘ he started, his handsome features in confusion, but as sook as I heard his voice, I shook my head, stepping back. This wasn’t the time or the place to talk. We were already too close. He was too close.

‘Don’t.’

It was all I said before walking past him, not caring about my hurt ankles. I just knew that I had to get out of here. By the time I reached the bar and Erica, I couldn’t resist turning back.

Nick was gone.

A/N: Thank you so much for all your wonderful feedbacks! It feel so good to read that you love the story as much as I do!

Take care,

F

[canarypoint]

Legends of Y/N Lance - Chapter 1: Pilot

Warning(s): cursing, mentions of death, little bit of violence, very, very slight mention of sex

A/N: oh...looks like this is actually happening, huh? for those of you waiting for me to post the requests from the other day/night/something, i’m working on them! i just have the attention span of a goldfish. should i make a taglist or whatever it’s called for the series?

A/N #2: a lot of the dialogue was taken directly from the corresponding episode of Arrow (1x01 “Pilot”), all rights to it go to the respective owners or whatever pleasetellmei’mnotgonnagetintroubleforusingitbecauseyesthat’sageniunefearihavelol. i also highly recommend rewatching (or just watching- tho, if you haven’t seen Arrow yet, i highly recommend just watching the entire Arrowverse before reading this...) the episode first.

Click here for the series summary.

Click here for the previous chapter (Chapter 0: What’s Past is Prologue).

Click here for the series masterlist.

The TV plays the all-too-familiar ‘Breaking News’ sound, alerting you of just that. The first thing you notice is the big ‘LOST BILLIONAIRE FOUND’ heading at the bottom of the screen. Your heart drops when the man begins speaking.

“Oliver Queen is alive. The Starling City resident was found by fishermen in the North China Sea five days ago,” you flinch when it shows a picture of the man in question. “Five years after he was missing and presumed dead following the accident at sea which claimed The Queen’s Gambit.”

You let out a harsh sigh as the news continues its report.

“Queen was a regular tabloid presence and a fixture at the Starling City club scene. Shortly before his disappearance, he was acquitted of assault charges stemming from a highly publicized drunken altercation with paparazzi.”

You roll your eyes at the clip of said altercation.

“Queen is also the son of Starling City billionaire Robert Queen who was also on board but now officially confirmed as deceased.”

“Turn it off,” your oldest sister, Laurel, tells you. You quickly pick up the remote and hit the power button without question. If it’s this hard for you, you can’t even imagine how hard it is for the playboy’s ex-girlfriend.

•••

“Come on, Laurel. We’re lawyers, not miracle workers. We can’t win this,” Joanna pleads.

You scoff from Laurel’s desk as she shoots back with, “If we can’t win a class-action suit against a man who swindled hundreds of people out of their homes and life savings then we’re not fit to call ourselves a legal aid office.”

“And if we go bankrupt in the process we won’t be a legal aid office. Hunt has an army of lawyers and they’re ready to bury us.”

“You and I against an army. I love those odds.”

“Why do you hate me?”

You laugh as Laurel shoos you off her chair.

“L, you said you were gonna-” you’re cut-off by the TV.

“And in other news, as to the castaway story you’ve all heard about. The son of a very wealthy billionaire will soon become a legendary story. Jessica now has more details and the complete castaway story.”

As Laurel stands up, you unconsciously move closer to her.

“The Queen’s Gambit was last heard from more than five years ago.” Laurel begins to walk closer to where everyone else in CNRI is gathered around the television.

“Laurel, where-” you question, starting to follow her.

“Mr. Queen has reportedly confirmed he was the only survivor of the accident-” a single tear rolls down your face, one of the thousands already shed, “-that took the lives of seven people including local resident Sara Lance. Survived by her sister, Laurel-”

Laurel shuts the TV off, earning the attention of her colleagues and coworkers.

•••

Freshman year of high school is hard enough, but whatever ominous deity is out there - whether it be a god, the universe, or some fifth-dimensional imp - is clearly out to get you.

Everyone - literally everyone; students, teachers, staff, even the fucking janitor - is talking about Oliver Queen and his great return! And, because said hypothetical ominous deity is clearly some sort of sadist, everyone is also talking about Sara and how “unfortunate” her death was.

“Yo, Lance,” some upperclassman calls. You look at him, a remark about your cop father and attorney sister already on the tip of your tongue.

“Yeah?” you ask. You’re already bored with this conversation, not to mention pissed beyond comprehension.

“I dunno why everyone’s feeling so sorry for you,” he starts. “She was kinda asking for it, especially since she was helping Queen cheat on your sister. That bi-”

The more he talks, the more you see red until you finally can’t take it anymore. Without thinking, you slip your backpack off of your shoulders and onto the floor in one swift motion. You know people are already watching you, they have been since Oliver’s return, but despite the however-many eyes watching, no one is quick enough to realize what you’re doing until it’s too late. You quickly deck the junior in the face.

His hands go straight to his face as he exclaims, “You broke my nose, you fucking bitch!”

Ms. Sandsmark quickly runs out of her classroom. The students gathered around you clear a path for her, some already turning and walking to their next classes.

“Miss Lance, Mr. Armorr, principal’s office. Now.”

•••

Laurel turns her head to look at you, a not-so-happy look on her face, “Shouldn’t you be in school, Y/N/N?”

“Nah… I kinda got suspended… Dad said I have to either stay with him at the precinct or with you,” you pick up a random file as you talk, scanning over it.

Your sister pulls it out of your hands, glaring at you as if to say ‘do it again, and you’ll lose a hand.’

“What’d you do this time,” she sighs.

You look down, a small frown taking over, “Someone said something about Sara and I snapped…” you whisper.

Laurel takes a deep breath before pulling you into a hug. You’re not really sure why she says it, or why you react the way you do, but you struggle to hold back a cry as she says, “I’m sorry.”

After a moment Laurel releases you and goes back to picking up her case files as Joanna approaches.

“Laurel, I just got this from Hunt’s lawyers,” Joanna hands Laurel another file. “They filed a change of venue. We are now in front of Judge Grell.”

You walk behind them, barely paying attention to what they’re saying as you respond to a text from a friend.

“Hunt funded Grell’s reelection campaign,” Laurel adds. Joanna hums in sarcastic agreement. “He’s got Grell in his back pocket.”

Joanna wraps her arm around Laurel, “You know, it’s fun being your friend. I get to say I told you so a lot.”

You can’t help but laugh as Laurel rebuts, “No. Adam Hunt is not smarter than we are.”

“No, he’s just richer and willing to commit multiple felonies.”

Laurel stops and turns around, pointing at Joanna. “We don’t need to go outside the law-”

“To find justice. Your dad’s favorite jingle.” Laurel winks at you as Joanna finishes for her.

You, once again, roll your eyes at the two. Before you can interject with your own statement, you and Laurel freeze as you see what- who is in front of the bulletin board.

“Hello, Laurel. Speartip,” Oliver says. You let out a nervous laugh - though it’s more of just a puff of air - at the nickname. You give him a twitch of a half-smile as your eyebrows furrow in concern for your sister (or Oliver, since you’re not sure if she’s gonna run, yell at him, or straight-up punch him in the face).

She catches you by surprise as she calmly states, “Jo, watch Y/N. Oliver and I need to talk,” without looking away from the former castaway.

“Wait, Laurel-” you cut yourself off, just barely avoiding Joanna as she tries to stop you from following the former couple.

“Thomas!” you yell in surprise as you all approach CNRI’s exit. You hear Joanna sigh from behind you as Laurel and Oliver give you confused looks. Tommy rolls his eyes.

“What’d I say about calling me that, Speartip?” he responds, unphased by your reaction to seeing him.

•••

“How’d you think that was gonna go, Tommy?” Laurel questions. You have to hide a grin at her attitude towards the playboy.

“‘Bout like that,” he responds as she briskly passes him.

“C’mon, Y/N,” Laurel orders as you hop off the railing.

•••

“Are you sure you wanna go, L?” you ask, handing your sister her bag as she walks by.

“Tommy asked me to go. I’m not gonna let the problems I have with Oliver get in the way of Tommy and I being friends.”

“Well… can I come?” You jump over the back of the couch, landing next to Laurel. “According to every social media account Thea has, she’s-”

“Thea is the youngest member of one of the richest families in Starling, you are the daughter of a cop and the sister of a defense attorney. Thea may be able to get away with breaking the law, but you certainly aren’t.”

•••

“If hypothetically, fifty-thousand dollars magically appear in your bank account, it might be best for you not to speak about it… to anyone, ever,” Laurel laughs at whatever the person on the other end says as your eyes widen. Joanna walks up to Laurel’s desk as Laurel says, “God bless you, too,” before hanging up.

“I just got a very grateful phone call from one of our clients against Adam Hunt.”

“Me, too.”

They both laugh before Joanna adds, “It looks like Starling City has a guardian angel.”

You look around as phones begin ringing from all around CNRI.

“By the way, your cute friend’s here.” With that, Joanna walks away. Laurel turns and stands up to see none other than Tommy Merlyn. You roll your eyes at his boyish grin.

•••

“You left the party pretty quick last night, even after I made sure the bar was stocked with pinot noir,” Tommy starts. You’re left to walk behind him and your sister as they talk.

“It wasn’t really my scene.”

“I thought maybe you and Oliver went mano a mano again.” You not-so-subtly cough, reminding them of your presence. You don’t need to hear about your sister’s sex life, even if it’s just Tommy jumping to conclusions, per usual.

They both stop to look back at you, Tommy sticks his tongue out as Laurel rolls her eyes.

“I saw you two head out,” Tommy adds as they continue walking.

“There’s nothing between Oliver and I, not anymore.”

“And here I thought the only thing between you and Oliver was us.”

“I wouldn’t exactly characterize us as an us, Tommy.”

Tommy quickly gets ahead of Laurel, forcing her to stop. You stay a few feet away from them, not wanting to interrupt whatever… this is.

“Then what would you call it?”

“A lapse.”

“That’s quite a few lapses,” you glare at Tommy. “Your place, my place, my place again.”

“Oh, I feel sick…” you mumble, your voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Shut it, Y/N,” Laurel teases. “Oh, come on, Merlyn. We both know that you’re not a one-girl type of guy.”

“Depends on the girl,” is Tommy’s attempt at a smooth response.

“Three things: one, I’m still here. Two, Laurel has a point. And three, real smooth Thomas, real smooth. Oh, and have I mentioned that I’m still here?”

“Nice try, Speartip. That was four things,” Tommy responds with a laugh.

“Oh look, the rich-boy can count below ten-thousand, astonishing! Plus, the last part was a continuation of my first point, so no. It wasn’t four things, you’re just dumb.”

“I have to go back to work,” Laurel says she turns around, grabbing your arm in the process.

“Dinah Laurel Lance,” Tommy starts. “Always trying to save the world.”

Laurel turns around once more, “Hey, if I don’t try and save it, who will?”

You smile proudly as you follow Laurel back to CNRI.

•••

A/N #3: oh, anyone recognize the name of the teacher and the student? and yeah i know it doesn’t entirely make sense to include that last scene, but like... you can’t have a story about the Lances without including “Dinah Laurel Lance, always trying to save the world,” now can you?

[the-penny-dreadfuls]

The atrocious murder of her eldest daughter, Sharon, in 1969 brought Doris Tate years of tremendous heartbreak. Her family all but collapsed under the weight of their grief. For a time, it appeared there was no ending to this darkness.

“She fell into a horrible depression. She shut everything off,” Debra, her second-born daughter said. “The lights were on, but nobody was home. She would have moments of lucidity, but most of the time she was sedated.”

Through her pain, Doris Tate discovered a new passion. It began seven years after the murders when Doris learned that the killers were up for parole. She sprung into action and collected up to 340,000 signatures on a petition to keep members of the Manson family behind bars. The fight did not end there. Doris continued her work and became a leading figure in the victim’s rights movement. She attributed a great amount of work on Proposition 8, the Victim’s Rights Bill. Once it passed, it allowed loved ones to present victims impact statements during the sentencing of people convicted of violent crimes. Doris was also a very familiar face within several victims support groups including, Justice for Homicide Victims, Victim Offender Reconciliation, and LA’s chapter of Parents of Murdered Children, which she became a counselor for. Eventually, she established supportive organizations of her own. Doris’ tireless efforts earned her numerous awards, including “A Thousand Points of Light”, presented by President George H. Bush in April 1992. Later that summer on July 10th, Doris Tate passed away from a brain tumor at the age of 68.

Debra and Patricia “Patti” Tate carried on her legacy. After Doris’ passing, Patricia became the family’s spokesperson during parole hearings for Manson members, standing as a representation for both Sharon and Abigale Folger. She recalled the first time she attended one of Folger’s parole hearings during a television interview in 1993.

“I got hysterical for a second. I had to put my hand over my mouth because I started crying so hard because of my collective fears over a good part of my life. You know, these people have been my nightmare since I was a child. This is not a story. For a lot of people, it’s been a story they’ve heard over and over. This is my reality that has nightmares growing up and just broken my family to pieces.”

Just like her mother, Patricia hoped to help create change outside their personal tragedy. She took on the role of as a leader in the organizations Doris founded. She worked side-by-side with families who lost loved ones to violent crimes and hoped to restore a sense of peace into their lives. Tragically, Patricia Tate passed away from breast cancer on June 3, 2000. She was 42 years old.

Debra continues the Tate family’s crusade. She remains an active voice for victim’s rights and serves as a counselor for victims of violent crimes. During the summer of 2014, she released a book title “Sharon Tate: Recollection”. Each page is filled with photographs of Sharon, aligned with quotes from family members, friends, and coworkers. Always, Debra works to remind the world that Sharon is more than just a victim. There was a life before August 9th, 1969, and Sharon should be remembered for all the good she brought into the world.

[mystic-scripture]

Prolific Scene (Emily’s Death)

Sooo...ya girl decided to make herself cry, so now you all have to feel my pain. This is probably going to be part of something bigger, but I’m still really emotional about this arch, so I added Wendy to it. Enjoy, lament, whatever hits ya, but I finally wrote something for her without a prompt) 

It was horrifying to find Emily feebly clutching Derek’s hand as she bled out onto the floor. That was her coworker, her friend, her family, and all Wendy could do was stumble out the door to holler for the medics to hurry the hell up. Derek was already applying pressure and talking to her, Doyle was already long gone, her feet aching from when she tried to track him down. She had lost sight of her feelings and let her job get in the way of saving her friend. Instead, she’d run off after a man she knew she couldn’t take on in hopes of making all that suffering Emily went through worth it. Voices faded in and out as she stared at the plank of wood sticking out of the other woman’s stomach, barely speaking above a whisper as she reminded Derek to not pull it out until medics arrived and could advise them. She can’t even remember when they finally came, but she could feel the hot tears falling down her face as she hyper-fixated on her coworkers’ clenched hands. Any movement she saw, which meant as it slipped, she was powerless to help, merely observing. 

Then she was met with more watching and waiting when they made it to the hospital, doing her best to remain quiet and expressionless in the face of her team. She took in everyone’s reactions, not ready to deal with her own feelings yet. Spence was pacing, his hand clenching and unclenching around what was probably his third cup of coffee since they’d gotten here, his whole body jittering with nerves and caffeine. Her cousin, Penelope, was sitting next to Derek, glancing nervously at the door, waiting for JJ’s return. Derek himself was leaning on his knees, face in his hands as he tapped his feet, undoubtedly running all of the what-ifs through his mind like she had on the drive over. Rossi was quiet, but anxious, standing upright and bouncing ever so slightly on the balls of his feet, ready to hear news the second it came. Hotch, while stoic as always, was doing the same thing as Wendy, taking in the others, his eyes sweeping around the room as he sat with his propped on his knees. His gaze met hers once or twice, but nobody spoke, all afraid to break the solemn and tense silence. 

Time lost all meaning as they waited. Spencer eventually sat down, as did Dave. Wendy tried to comfort the still very green Ashley who had been curled in a ball within the arms of her chair. Then she paced, moving opposite of Hotch as he did the same. She paused once or twice at her cousin and boyfriend, to give them light squeezes on their shoulders. This was met with a tight squeeze back, several rings digging into her fingers, and the slightest amount of pressure as Spencer barely leaned into it. Soon, she found herself separated from everyone, twisting her hands in front of her as she tried to slowly, finally start to process her own nerves. 

She jumped up, hands on the back of the closest chair when JJ finally came through the door after who could even tell how many minutes or hours had passed. Wendy’s eyes snapped to her team, not ready to look at her just yet. Her nails dug into the fabric of the chair, meeting the wood underneath harshly. Soon she had to, too overcome by the hope in everyone’s eyes. She’d run the odds, she had no idea if Spence did yet, but he wasn’t there when they found her, he didn’t see the extent of Emily’s injuries. She tore her gaze away after seeing the look of devastation on Penelope’s face, barely making out her whispered Now. Turning to their former team member it was like looking in a mirror. 

Yes they were told they looked alike, blonde hair, blue eyes, similar build, but today it was more than that. Today it was all the microexpressions that added to a nearly identical visage. Wendy felt and watched as both of their eyes glistened and their lips quivered. Her hands shook, making her remove them painfully from the chair to hug herself. She closed her eyes, knowing without having to hear it, without wanting to hear it. Her mouth silently and rapidly forming a beg, a plea, a prayer against the rational part of her mind. Please, no, please....this can’t be happening... And a part of her couldn’t accept that this was happening. 

Emily was the toughest of the women in this team. She kept up with the boys better than any of them did. There was no way she stopped fighting, no way that she would let this son of a bitch she’d already beaten once to it again. However, Denial was the first step. Wendy knew this, but she couldn’t allow herself to move past it just yet. Not until she heard the words, not until JJ told the team.

“She never made it off the table.” 

As the other’s absorbed the word, her feet had her moving before she could even process it. Brushing past JJ, she stopped only when she heard the other woman say Spencer’s name. She turned, looking to see the conflict in his eyes. His gaze flicked back and forth between them until finally, he addressed the senior agent. 

“I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

And that was what finally broke Wendy, she watched as the man she loved, started to sob into JJ’s arms. She turned the corner sliding against the wall as the whole truth finally weighed her down. Landing on her knees, she blocked out the world, not knowing how to cope with this loss. She’d never been good at this, locking away her feelings by hiding behind science and fact. She watched people die every day, be it from her job or the various media she consumed. But this, this was different. This was going to change everything, and for once she didn’t know what to do about it. 

She hadn’t even realized she’d started to hyperventilate until large, and gentle hands covered her own, pulling them from her ears. Her eyes snapped open, taking in the wavering gaze of Spencer in front of her. While there were still tears streaming down his own face, he moved to wipe hers away, his hands shaking. She leaned forward, clenching on to him as if he was the only thing keeping her grounded to this Earth. They both shook as they sobbed into each other’s shoulders, Wendy barely making out the sound of JJ’s heels. Her eyes snapped open, watching as she went through a door to talk to Hotch. 

She wasn’t sure what was being said, but whatever emotion JJ had been displaying was suddenly subdued, dampened from when she was in front of the others. Then, possibly worse, Hotch was nodding, his gaze to the floor, as if calculating the next move from here. And based on the sinking feeling in Wendy’s stomach; it wasn’t about funeral arrangements. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Week One~~~~~~~~~~

The coffin was heavier in more ways than one, as Wendy stood behind Derek, her hand steadier than it should be given the circumstances. Derek and Spencer had taken the front, all of the team aside from Penelope carrying their friend to her resting place. She hadn’t taken the time to know the other pallbearers, her attention solely on the task in front of her. She knew she wouldn’t remember most of the service, thumb scratching against the thorns of the two roses in her hand. Traditionally they would have been removed, but the team agreed that this was more fitting. Sharp and Beautiful, just like Emily. 

Her other arm was looped through Spencers, his own hands shoved deep in his pockets. His gaze was on the coffin, never leaving it, and barely moving until Wendy pulled away. He numbly accepted the rose she handed to him, their hands barely touching before he retracted. She was used to him not being terribly affectionate in public, she typically preferred that herself, but something about this was different. Her hand felt cold, the only warmth coming from the blood slowly dripping from her thumb.

Following him, she placed her rose atop his. She glanced at JJ on the one side of him and moved to the other side of the coffin. This allowed for Ashley to place her rose and take the spot she would have. Moving next to Rossi, Wendy allowed the man to gently rub her arm, shaking away the curious look on his face. This wasn’t about her, so she would quietly take the hint and silently accept that she wasn’t needed-no, wasn’t wanted at this particular time. Her eyes never left Spencer though, observing and cataloging everything for when she was. It was thanks to this that she caught the looks between her boss and coworker again. There was a lot not being said, and she would get to the bottom of it if it was the last thing she did. 

Wendy Tag: @perfectlystiles​ @abbyarcxnes​ @raging-violets​ @starcrossedjedis​ @curiosity-loves-the-kitten​ @foxesandmagic​ (Want to be added? HMU)

[western-writer]

After the Fall: War Within Family

Fandom Far Cry 5/New Dawn

Warnings: mentions of abuse, drug addiction, and sex addiction, general angst, brief mention of suicide

A/N: this is long lol. Just warning you. I’m honestly really proud of this and hope anyway reading it loves this as much as I do. Like all my writing, this is my own idea and Braeden is my OC for Far Cry 5. This is unedited so there may be mistakes. Should I make a second part? Enjoy!

Summary: Braeden is riddled with guilt and remorse for her actions before the collapse. With the death of the Seeds, her friends, and coworkers on her mind, she retreats into herself for seventeen years, only to be brought out of it by Joseph himself. After finding out some alarming news, Braeden is left feeling betrayed by a person she thought you would never feel that from.

I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was going to save everyone, save the county. I was wrong. I was very, very wrong. Jacob tried to stop me, begged me to stay. That was the first and last time I had ever heard him beg. 

Now I wish I had listened. 

“You don’t need to do this, Braeden,” Jacob spoke softly to me. His face wore an expression I was unfamiliar with. “You have me. You have John and Faith. Isn't that enough? Joseph can only do so much without us.”

I spun around to actually look at him, instead of looking at him through the mirror. “Yes, I do, Jake. I tried to be reasonable. I tried to get him to stop of his own free will and he refused. It doesn’t matter if he can’t do much on his own. He can do enough and the county deserves to live in peace.”

I took a few steps toward him and cupped his face. He was beginning to worry me. “Please be careful...”

“I will. Go to your bunker. I made sure the Peggies cleared out so it should be safe. John and Faith are already preparing to leave in the safety of their bunkers. You should too.”

He pressed a kiss to my lips, soft and hesitant.

That was the last time I saw Jacob. I left to go face Joseph with the support of Whitehorse, Pratt, and Hudson. Joseph had taken my friends, the members of the Resistance, and it was a battle to get them back. Eventually, it was all of us against Joseph and he didn't stand a chance. As he made his final speech, crawling across the ground bloody and bruised, I checked my watch. I was supposed to meet the others in ten minutes. I was running behind schedule. 

I watched as Whitehorse put Joseph under arrest and Joseph spoke a few words to me. I couldn’t really hear him over the howl of the wind and the sound of a bomb exploding in the distance.

That was the moment I knew I fucked up.    

Whitehorse ushered us into the truck while Nick and the others took off in other directions.

I tried to get us to safety. I tried to get us to Dutch, but I crashed. I was knocked unconscious and when I came to the others were dead and Joseph was gone. Joseph ripped me out of the truck and I was in and out of consciousness until we reached Dutch’s bunker. There, when I came to fully, I saw that Dutch had been killed by Joseph. 

Joseph became my family that day. My only family. I was sure that John, Jacob, and Faith were dead. 

Joseph and I were stuck in that bunker together for over five years. Over the course of those years, I changed, Joseph changed me. He told me he forgave me for turning his family against him, but I never quite believed him. I still don't.

I haven’t said a word since right after the bombs destroyed the world, nor have I shown my face. I left myself behind when the door to that bunker sealed shut and I lost everyone I loved. After everything I did... I deserve this.

The Twins were quick to move into the valley and New Eden, Joseph’s new following, fought The Highwaymen until they extinguished the fire in Joseph’s statue that I had destroyed years ago. They lost faith in Joseph, despite still being completely loyal to him, even after he left us. They’re scared, and I don’t blame them. The Highwaymen aren’t like Eden’s Gate was all those years ago. They aren’t taking over for the greater good, or what they think is the greater good. Unlike Eden’s Gate, The Highwaymen are self-absorbed. They care about their survival and their survival only.

News of outsiders in the county traveled fast and word of some “Captain of Security” giving The Highwaymen hell circulated through the compound. Whoever she is, she reminded me of me when I caused trouble for Eden’s Gate. Sometimes I miss those days, but most days I don’t.

“I know you’ve heard of this Captain of Security,” Ethan muttered to me inside his living quarters. “She intrigues you, does she not?” He turned to look at me. I just stared at him. “My father has told me about you and him before the collapse.” I stiffened up at the mention. I never talk about that. Never. I never want anyone inside these walls to know who I used to be. I’m ashamed of it. “She’s a bit like you, isn’t she Deputy?” 

The name hit my ears like nails on a chalkboard. It pulled memories out of the deep pit in my mind causing an acid taste to hit my mouth. I glared at him through my mask. If I could’ve, I would’ve yelled at him. Shouted that he doesn’t know anything, but not talking for nearly seventeen years does a number on your vocal cords. Instead, I clenched my fist and he got the message, brushing it off with a chuckle. 

“I have received word that the Captian will be coming here to seek our assistance with The Highwaymen. You remember what to do when an outsider wishes to come inside these walls, correct?”

I nodded. 

“Good. I doubt she will succeed, but I guess we will find out.” 

Ethan walked away from me at that point. My glare followed him as he disappeared out of sight.

Not long after that, the Captain appeared at our door, but I turned her away just as I had been instructed to do. Everyone was surprised when she came back with the Book of Joseph and I had to let her in. Ethan instructed her to bring back proof that Joseph was dead. He wanted his father to be dead so badly so that he could take over for good, but that didn’t happen. Joseph was alive and well and Ethan was furious when New Eden rallied behind him once again. 

After that, I began to accompany the Captain on her journey to take down the Twins. It had been a long time since I had done anything like that. It felt good to get away from New Eden and away from Ethan. It gave me a distraction. And God knows I needed it. 

***

“You see that sniper up there?” Cap asks me, pointing to a tower on the other side of the Chop Shop. I nod to her. “Take it out.”

I break into action and sprint to the tower silently. I was a bit rusty when we first teamed up, but my old instincts have kicked in once again and I’m back to kicking ass just like I used to.

Maybe John was right. Maybe I am wrath. 

My arrow lands in the neck of the Highwayman and he crumples to the ground, bleeding out silently. I look back to Cap and watch her takedown of the Highwaymen with a shield. She picks it up and throws it at another Highwaymen. I can hear the crack of her neck as it snaps from the force of the throw. 

“You hear that Joseph Seed is back?” I hear one of the Highwaymen mention to another, blissfully unaware of their dead colleagues. 

“Who hasn’t?” the other responds. “You hear about the sighting of what people are believing are the other Seeds?” 

I nearly choke on air at that.

“What?” 

“Yeah, people are seeing what they think are other three Seeds up north.”

“C’mon, you don’t really believe that, do ya? There’s no way they’re still alive.”

“Of course I don’t believe it. I just think those people drank a little too much ethanol.”

Being distracted, I didn’t even realize I was being snuck up on until I felt the buzz of a bullet fly past me and land in the head of a Highwaymen. I look back at Cap who motions for me to charge. She’s taken out the alarms. 

I do as I’m told and jump a barricade. Within mere minutes we have taken back Fall’s End-I mean the Chop Shop. 

I stand in front of what used to be the Spread Eagle, thinking about when I first met Mary May and Pastor Jerome. I had saved them from the peggies that had taken Fall’s End. Then I shared a drink with them right there in that bar. 

I wonder how Jerome is doing. I know Mary May died, as did most of my friends when the bombs dropped. I haven’t seen any of the living ones since that final battle with Joseph. I refuse to enter Prosperity. I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle seeing John’s Ranch.  

I remember when I took John’s ranch from the cult. John was so upset with me. He threw every insult he could at me and got even angrier when I didn’t react. I wonder if he’s ever forgiven me for taking his home away from him. 

I wouldn’t forgive me for that.

“Whatcha lookin’ at?” Cap questions me, pulling me from my thoughts. I glance at her, then back to the ruins of the bar and shrug. “You don’t say much, do ya?” I shake my head. “Joseph told me you haven’t spoken since right after the bombs dropped. Is that true?”

I nod slightly in response. 

“Why?” 

I shake my head and look around what used to be Fall’s End while thinking, You wouldn’t understand. 

She sighs, slinging her gun over her back. “I’m going back to Prosperity. You comin’?” 

I shake my head again. She’s told me who’s there. I want to see everyone, but they wouldn’t recognize me. I’m not the Deputy anymore. I’m the Judge. I couldn’t stand to have them see me how I am now. I shell of what I once was. I couldn’t stand to see John’s ranch. 

“You’re gonna have to go there eventually, Judge. What if the Twins attack it and we need your help?” 

I shrug again and at this point, I can tell she’s irritated with me. 

“Fine, do what you want. I’ll be at Prosperity getting a hot meal and some sleep if you need me.”

I want to tell her everything. Tell her that I was like her once. Naive in the mindset that I could save the county. But instead of saving it, I caused the apocalypse. I ruined the whole world and destroyed myself in the process. I caused the death of so many of the people I cared about. Why did I get to live? 

Maybe that’s why Jacob had tried to convince me to not stop Joseph. Maybe he knew what would’ve happened if I did, but couldn’t tell me, or didn’t want to tell me for some reason. 

Why didn’t I listen to him? 

***

I make it back to New Eden and immediately go to my bed. My stomach grumbles, but I ignore it. My tiredness trumps my hunger as I fall asleep the moment my head hits my pillow.

I wake back up to see Joseph standing next to my bed and holding a bowl of soup.

“I noticed you did not stop to eat,” he mentions. I sit up and take the bowl from him. He sits down next to me as I move my mask up to eat. He chuckles a bit and glances at me. “You know, I never thought that you would actually stick to your vow of silence. When you stopped talking to me, I thought you were angry with me for some reason, but then when we came topside and I saw that you wouldn’t speak to anybody, I was sure it wouldn’t last more than a few weeks. But you proved me wrong.”

He places a hand on my shoulder as I eat.

“Their deaths were not your fault. None of them. Not my siblings, not your coworkers, not your friends. The collapse would’ve happened one way or another. We just sped up the process.”

I want to ask him how he’s so sure, but I can’t seem to get the words to leave my mouth.

“Do not keep punishing yourself, Braeden. It is not what Jacob would’ve wanted. It’s not what any of them would’ve wanted.” With that, Joseph walks away and I’m left in my thoughts. I haven’t been called by my real name for a long time. It felt strange to hear it, especially from Joseph, the one who rebranded me as the Judge. 

It’s insane to think that that crazy son of a bitch could’ve ended up being my brother-in-law one day. Jacob and I had never talked about marriage; we never really got a chance to talk about our future together. I doubt the man would’ve wanted to be married, especially being in his late forties by the time we got together. I wouldn’t have blamed him for that. Being with him was enough for me. A piece of paper saying that we were legally bonded together would never have changed anything, and I’m sure Jacob felt the same way. Jacob wasn’t always vocal about how he felt about me, but he didn’t need to be. He showed his love by his actions and he was incredibly good at it. I understood his love language better than most people did, maybe even John and Joseph, but I also got to see a part of him they never did. I loved him. I still do. No one will ever be able to replace him. 

I loved John and Faith, too. I love Joseph, despite everything he has done. 

He’s right. Jacob wouldn’t want this for me, especially this long after the Collapse. None of them would’ve wanted this. 

After that night, I decided to take Joseph’s advice. In private, I began working on being able to talk again. Not speaking for so many years took a hard toll on my vocal cords and for a while, I began to think that I had lost the ability. No matter how hard I tried, the words just wouldn’t come out. 

It wasn’t until I stumbled upon what’s left of John’s bunker that I finally spoke. It was the only bunker accessible, the other two being stuck inside the radiation zones and making it impossible to reach, even with Eden’s Gift. 

Seeing it in ruins like this makes me unreasonably emotionally. I stand at the top, staring into the flooded hole in the ground. Memories pour back. When I first met saw them in the church when we arrived in Hope County. When I seized control of his house singlehandedly. Me, never being able to stop apologizing for that. When John first found out about Jacob and me. 

I still remember the look on his face when we decided that we were leaving the valley after Joseph was stopped. I could tell he was devastated. I don’t blame him, though. I promised him happiness, a life where he’s not a herald. 

At least one of those things came through. He’s not a herald any more.

“I’m sorry, John...” I choke out, my voice rough and raspy. Tears fall down my face and I rip my mask off. “I... I j-just wanted you all t-to be h-h-happy and I-I-I fa-iled.”

“John? Who’s John?” I hear Cap’s voice behind me. I glance back and see her coming up the hill. “Judge, is that you?”

I wipe the tears from my face. “Ye-ah, Cap, It is.”

“You’re talking!” she exclaims. 

I laugh a bit. “I am.” 

“Who’s John?” I look back at the broken bunker. 

“He would’ve been my brother-in-law if life had been kinder.”

As I talk, it gets easier and quicker, too. 

“Ew, did you have a thing with Joseph?” 

I laugh. “No, no.” I turn and face her. “Have you heard stories of the Deputy that nearly saved this county singlehandedly back before the Collapse?”

“Of course I have, Kim and Nick never shut up about her.”

“I was that Deputy, Cap.” 

She looks as if she’s about to choke on air. “W-what?” 

“I was the Deputy. My downfall was falling in love with the oldest Seed, Jacob. Joseph wouldn’t stop what he was doing and after he was stopped, I was going to leave the county with Jacob, Faith, and John,” I look at the bunker. “But the Collapse started before I could get to them and I believe they died that day. I was stuck in a bunker with Joseph where the guilt and mourning ate me up until I became this, the Judge. Joseph certainly didn’t help.” 

“I never would’ve guessed that you were the Deputy.” 

“Most people don’t and haven’t. The only ones that do are Joseph and Ethan.”

She takes a few steps toward me. “That’s why the other day at the outpost you got distracted when those Highwaymen were talking about the rumor that the other Seeds are alive.”

I nod. 

“How are you so sure they aren’t alive?” 

“I missed our meeting time. They would’ve been topside and away from safety when the bombs dropped.”

“But are you sure?” 

“Please don’t get my hopes up, Cap. I’ve spent the last seventeen years mourning these people and feeling responsible for their deaths. Do you know something I’m unaware of?”

“Well... I wasn’t gonna say anything, but knowing what I know now...”

“Tell me!”

She sighs, crossing her arms. “I was up north a few days ago and... I saw what those Highwaymen were talking about.” 

“What!?” 

“I don’t know how, but I think they’re alive.”

*** 

My first steps into Prosperity feel strange. It feels like I’m coming home yet arriving at a completely unfamiliar place at the same time. My mask stays on as I look at what they’ve done to John’s ranch. I’d like to think that he would like it. 

I walk around and find so many familiar faces that I almost feel overwhelmed by it. I don’t know how I should do this. Should I expose my identity to everyone all at once or do it one at a time?  

Now that I think about it, all at once may be too overwhelming. One at a time it is. 

My eyes wander over the sea of faces before they land on one that causes an indescribable feeling to shoot through my body. It’s Sharky. My crazy pyromaniac best friend. My ride or die for as long as I was the Deputy. 

His back is to me when I walk over to him alone in the explosives lab, but he turns when he feels me getting close to him. He eyes me, unable to figure out what to make of me. 

“Who the fuck are you?” he asks. His words would sound aggressive if you didn’t know Sharky like I do. Or did. Good thing I know better than to think that he’s being an asshole. 

My hand reaches up for my mask and grasps it firmly. He’s looking at me strangely and I lift it up barely enough for my mouth to show. 

“Hi, Shark,” I whisper. 

His expression changes quickly. “Shorty?” he whispers back. Finally, I get the nerve to take my mask off all the way and I do. He wraps me in a bear hug when he sees my face, and he tells me he’s not crying when I feel wetness hit my neck, but I know Sharky too well. When we pull away his eyes are filled with tears, just like mine. He holds my shoulders, staring at me. 

“I missed you too, Shark.”

“What the hell happened to ya, Brae?” 

I hold up a hand and shake my head. “That a long story for another time. Just know that I’m back.”

A huge smile spreads across his face and he pulls me into a hug again. 

One by one, I go to everyone and show them who I am. Then, I get to Nick, Kim, and Carmina. 

She grew up into such a beautiful woman, Carmina did.

“The Captain brought you in, right?” Kim says, sparing a glance at me as the three of them have their backs to me and are looking at a map or something. For a moment I forget my mask is back on. 

“Mhm,” I answer. 

“Great, well, welcome to Prosperity. I’m sure you’ll be of great help. I’m Kim, the unofficial leader of our community. This is Nick, my husband, and our daughter-”

As she was talking and slowly took my mask off. Then, I finished the sentence for her. “Carmina,” I say. “Heard that name once or twice.”

My mask drops to the ground and the three of them turn to look at me. Nick and Kim stare at me in awe for a second, seemingly unable to move before they both spring forward and wrap me in a tight hug. 

“Braeden, is that really you?” Kim questions, sniffling. I nod to her. 

“Braeden...?” Carmina says. “You don’t mean that this is...?” 

“Yes, honey,” Nick says. “This is Braeden Creed. Your godmother.” 

Without hesitation, Carmina hugs me. And when I say it was the best feeling in the world, I don’t mean it lightly. 

***

“Where have you been all this time, Braeden?” Nick asks after I got into a change of clothes. Those old rags I had been wearing were beginning to be uncomfortable. They sit around a fire, eating, and I join them, being handed a plate.

“I’ve been up in New Eden,” I answer. “After the bombs, I was stuck in Dutch’s bunker with Joseph. I... I felt guilty. I blamed myself for everything. For the end of the world, for the death of my coworkers. For the death of Adelaide, Mary May, Jess, Dutch, Eli. For Jacob, John, and Faith. I was mourning the loss of the people I loved while feeling responsible for it at the same time and Joseph took advantage of that.”

“Why for the Seeds?” Grace asks me. “What made you feel like it was your fault they were dead?” 

I sigh. “The day we went to stop Joseph, I was supposed to meet with them after and we were gonna leave. Leave the county. I missed our meeting time and they would’ve had to have been topside and away from safety by the time the bombs dropped.” I set my food down, suddenly not being hungry anymore. “Jacob had pleaded with me to not confront Joseph that day. Maybe he knew what would happen if I did, I dunno, but he begged me not to and Jacob never begged. He was too proud for that.” 

“But, if he knew what would’ve happened, why would he have let himself die?” Carmina asks. 

I shrug a bit. “Jacob was fully prepared to give up his life for Joseph’s throughout the war. And he didn’t even really know if he believed that Joseph could talk to God.” 

“That’s one thing about Jacob,” Hurk cuts in. “He never needed a reason for anything.” 

“Ain’t that the truth,” I respond.

The more I think about Carmina’s question, though, the more it makes sense. He wouldn’t have just let his family die. Not if he could have prevented it. Maybe Carmina’s on to something here. 

Maybe the others really are alive.

*** 

I stare at John’s house, still in awe of how good of shape it’s in, even all these years later. The Ranch is still as beautiful as it’s ever been. Kim has taken such good care of it.  

“Do you think he’d mind that we moved into his house?” I hear Carmina behind me. I turn to look at her and she hands me a cup with something in it. 

“What?” I ask, my voice cracking a bit, making her laugh as I take the cup. “Sorry. Rusty vocal cords.” I crack a grin at her and she smiles back. 

“Do you think John would mind that we moved into his house?”

“That’s a good question. I had never really thought about it. If I’m being honest, I think he would’ve preferred this to it ending up like a lot of the other structures around here.”

I place my cup on my leg, smiling sadly at the house. 

“I remember when I took this place from the cult,” I mention to her. “Jacob and I were nothing more than two smartasses flirting with each other, and John was furious. Called me every name under the sun and more and me not reacting to it made it worse. I thought it was hilarious.” My face falls a bit. “Eventually he got it back, but he didn’t get to enjoy it much. I knew he was mad at me still and even when he said he was over it, I never quite believed him. The Resistance had destroyed a lot of his property: his plane, family photos.” 

Carmina looks at me for a second before pulling something out of her pocket. “Here,” she says, handing me a photo. “I found it in the master bedroom in a safe. When you find them, you can give this to him.” 

I glance down at it and find a family photo of him, Jacob, Joseph, and Faith. I smile and look back up. “Do you really think they’re alive?” 

“What I think doesn’t matter,” Carmina responds. “If you know, deep down, that they’re alive, that’s all that matters. Do you think they’re alive?” 

I look down at the photo and run my thumb over it. “I want to. But if they are then I spent all these years punishing myself and feeling guilty for they’re deaths. I’m scared that if they are alive, things won’t be the same.” 

Carmina stares at me for a second. “You’re afraid that Jacob won’t love you anymore. That’s it, right?” 

“I...” I pause, the realization hitting me. “Yeah... I am afraid of that. Terrified, actually. A lot can happen in seventeen years and I still love him with all my being. I don’t know what would happen if he didn’t love me anymore.”

“I’ve heard about how you and Jacob were. And from what I’ve heard, it seemed like he really loved you. Not just any kind of love, either, no. The kind of love that can and would survive the end of the world. If he’s out there, there’s not a doubt in my mind that he would love you the same, even after seventeen years.”

Carmina’s words of encouragement stuck me with me over the next weeks as we started our search while simultaneously fighting the Highwaymen. Even New Eden is searching, wanting to bring the beloved heralds home. For a long time we turned up empty and I was beginning to lose hope. Then another sighting would happen and the process would start over. It began to feel like I was chasing ghosts.

“Times like this is when I wish I had one of my old guns for hire or fangs for hire” I mutter as me and the Captian steak out an outpost. 

She glances at me. “Who were yours?” 

“Well, for my guns for hire I had Sharky, Nick, Hurk, Adelaide, which was Hurk’s mom and Sharky’s aunt, Grace, a girl named Jess, a dog named Boomer, a cougar named Peaches, and a bear named Cheeseburger.” 

“Sharky was a gun for hire?”

“Well of course. He and I were best friends. Loved to fuck shit up on the cult’s expense. I remember this one time-” My recollection gets cut short when commotion starts in the outpost. We watch as cheering spreads through the outpost. One by one, we see prisoners being dragged in. I grab my makeshift binoculars so I can get a better look and that’s when I spot a familiar blonde being dragged in. The green eyes were a dead give away, if the hair wasn’t. 

I smack Cap’s arm and she gets annoyed at me before seeing my expression. 

“That’s Faith,” I breath. “It’s Faith.” 

“Let’s go raise some hell, then.”

Faces blur together as I take them out one by one, making my way to Faith as fast as I can. It feels as if time as slowed down as bullets fly out of my gun, embedding themselves in the flesh and bone of the scumbag Highwaymen. Then my gun gets knocked out of my hands and I barely manage to dodge a swing as the bat connects with the metal behind me. I roll off to the side to put distance between me and my attacker when suddenly my gun comes sliding up to me. I look up, expecting to see Cap, but it’s not. 

It’s John. 

With a heavy breath and a smile, I pick up my gun and land a shot into the guy trying to kill me. After that, I jump to my feet and run over to him. 

“I’ve got the key to free the prisoners they’ve already put away,” he sighs quickly. “I’ll go get them and Faith. Just keep doing what you’re good at.”

He leaves me with a hand on my shoulder and the question, “Where’s Jacob”, hangs in the air but I stop myself. For now, I need to focus on killing these bad guys. 

I spin on my heel and fire off a few shots, dropping them like dead flies. The recoil of the gun feels familiar and for a second, Hope County is back to normal and I’m dropping Peggies faster than you could say Eden’s Gate. The memory waivers for a second before the scene in front of me turns back to normal and the last Highwaymen drops in a heap on the floor. 

I glance to my left and see John making his way over to me, Faith in tow. Her eyes light up when she sees me and I run over, crashing into both of them and wrapping them in a tight hug.

“Please tell me that Jacob is okay.”

I pull away from there and their expressions are unchanged, giving me hope. 

“He broke up away from the group when they were bringing us in and ran off,” Faith explains. 

“We’re not really sure where he is, but we know he’s okay. It’s Jacob,” John adds. 

Their eyes look past me and I hear heavy footsteps behind me. Turning around quickly, I see him. 

I see Jacob. 

Jacob. 

My Jacob. 

It’s almost like he doesn’t believe his eyes when he looks at me, but an emotion washes over him that I’ve never seen on him before. A look of confusion, mixed with pure joy and happiness. 

I can barely contain myself and find myself crashing into his chest. Even seventeen years later, the man is well built and takes my impact without budging. My arms snake around his neck and I hold on like he might disappear if I let go, and a part of me might believe that. 

“I thought you were dead, all of you,” I whisper to him. “I thought I had gotten all of you killed.”

“You can’t get rid of us that easily, sweetheart,” he says into my ear. His voice... I missed his voice so much.

I feel something wet on my face and it takes a minute to realize what they are. 

Tears. 

I haven’t cried in years.

“I wouldn’t want to.” 

“Braeden, backup’s on its way! We need to go!” I hear Cap yell to me. I gather myself quickly and nod to her. “We’ve got a ride waiting on the road on the other side but we have to make it there in one piece!”

I let out a loud, ear busting, whistle, pulling the attention of the survivors around us. “Listen up! Highwaymen have reinforcements on the way so if you wanna  live, you’ll follow us!”

The group of us run up into the tree where Cap and I were waiting and just as she said multiple trucks are waiting for us and we all pile in. 

“Braeden, you’re bleeding,” Cap points out from across the bed of me. 

I look down, seeing a gash in my upper right arm. 

“When that person tried to take me out with the bat, the metal he hit must’ve buckled and cut me...”

“Well, I guess it’s good we helped Selene out so she can patch you up when we get back.”

“Back where?” Faith asks.

“Our base,” Cap answers. 

“Yeah... John, you may not like this...”

***

The moment we’re through the door to Prosperity, Carmina’s on me, clinging to me for life. 

“We heard what happened through the radio. I was so scared we lost you.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“What happened to my house...?” John mutters, looking at me. 

“Hey, don’t look at me. I had nothing to do with this.”

A little bit later we sit down for dinner and the three of them start interrogating me.

“So, all three of them died...?” Jacob questions me, talking about Whitehorse, Pratt, and Hudson.”

“Yeah,” I breath out. “The truck crashed when I was driving us to Dutch’s bunker and, well, when I came to, it was too late...”

“Wait, then how did you survive?” John asks. 

I smile a bit and look down at my food. “Joseph. He pulled me out of the truck. Unfortunately, I was trapped in that damn bunker with him and it changed me.”

“Changed you...?” Faith says. 

I stir my food around, debating on whether I should tell them or not. “For the last seventeen years, I felt guilty and responsible for the collapse, for the death of you guys, my coworkers, my friends-everything. I became a shell of what I was. Stopped talking, never showed my face.” I glance over at Jacob. “It wasn’t until Joseph came to me a few months ago and told me that none of it was my fault and to stop punishing myself...” 

“Braeden... did Joseph ever tell you what he tried to do?” Jacob asks me. 

I feel my stomach drop at his tone and cautiously, I question him. “No, he didn’t. Why? What did he do?” 

“He tried to convince us to stay... to stay hidden in our bunkers while he fought you. Tried to convince us to not leave,” Faith answers. “We didn’t listen to him and John and I, we went to meet Jacob at his bunker so we could go meet you together, but when we went to leave, there was a small army of followers outside that kept us from leaving.”

I stare at her, trying to make sense of what she just told me. 

“Joseph sent the followers, Braeden,” John continues. “He’s known this whole time that we were alive.” 

Once the realization hits me, I feel the rage bubble inside me-my wrath. I slam my bowl down, spilling what was left inside of it, and jump to my feet. “That son of a bitch let me believe that you were dead for the last seventeen fucking years. Let me feel guilty and responsible for your deaths and mourn the loss of all of you at the same time. He had the audacity to look me in my face and tell me that your deaths weren’t my fault. All while knowing that you’re alive!?” I pause for a moment, looking at them for a second. “I’m gonna kick his teeth down his throat and rip his fingernails out.”

*** 

They tried to stop me. They really tried, but they should know better than to stop me while I’m indulging in my wrath. 

I was an unstoppable force when I stormed into New Eden for the first time in months with the other Seeds in tow. New Edeners were stunned to see my face as I blew past them in search of Joseph. 

Ethan tried to get in my way when I found them, which was a major mistake. I shoved his bitch ass so hard into the wall that it seemed like the wall cracked under the pressure. 

Joseph’s face was priceless when he saw the others and even better when slammed his back into the wall behind me. My rage was nearly palpable as I stared at him. 

“You,” I seethed. 

“What did I-?” 

I pull him forward and slam him into the wall again. “YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID,” I roar at him. “For all these years, all these FUCKING YEARS you let me believe that they were dead and for what? To make me into your fucking monkey!?”

Joseph falls quiet for a second. “I wanted you to feel my pain. To feel what I felt when you turned them against me. I never meant for it to get this far.”

“Yeah!? And what the fuck did you mean to happen!?” 

“I wanted to tell you! I wanted to find them, but the further you fell into yourself the harder it became.” 

“Yeah? And what about them? What about leaving them trapped in that bunker for years!?” 

“I never intended for they’re exit to be blocked! Believe me, I tried to move the rocks time and time again, but I am only one man! It was by the Grace of God that an earthquake came through and uncovered the doorway.”

“You’re a piece of shit, Joseph. Fuck you for what you did to me and fuck you for what you did to your siblings. I didn’t turn them against you, Joseph. You did that yourself by refusing to see that truth. You’re lucky I don’t put you out of our misery right now.” 

I back away, glaring at him as I do. The rage eventually subsides and all I'm left to feel it betrayed. 

Who would’ve thought that I could feel betrayed by Joseph Fucking Seed?

What a joke. 

[minbbydoll]

Can you write a sad angst where a maknae member (preferably Kook) sends his gf y/n to jail because of a misunderstanding(maybe like a fake murder of his family member, friend, or ex and they frame y/n). Soon he finds out the truth but y/n died before he found out the truth. Maybe she died from depression or was already sick but no one knew and she died in jail. This devastates everyone who went against her and they regret it so much.

Word Count : 4,508

Jeon Jungkook 

-

They say that love makes you do crazy things but Jungkook wouldn’t expect you to be the type of person to hurt anyone. You seemed so innocent, nice, and always forgiving but then again, you’ll never truly know someone and what they’re capable of.

Jungkook found himself wondering what went wrong on his drive over to your office, the countless days that you told him it would be okay and that he was going to catch the son of bitch that murdered his brother; it was you all along.

Jungkook tightened his grip on the steering wheel, he clenched his jaw and sped up a little still keeping within the speed limit. It took Jungkook awhile to come to terms with the fact that you actually killed his brother.

He went over the evidence again and again making sure that nothing was left unturned, but you still became the main suspect and out of all the suspects you were the unlucky winner.

He begged his coworker to let him arrest you, but the condition was he do it as soon as possible which was right now, Jungkook wiped the tear that fell from his eye as he parked outside your office and took a deep breath.

His heart was racing, he hasn’t been this nervous since he asked you to be his girlfriend but now, he was arresting you. Jungkook looked at his cellphone to see that he had to hurry so he opened his car door and nervously walked towards your building.

-

You missed your boyfriend, the sound of his voice, his warmth, his everything, it’s only been a few hours since you last saw him in the morning, but my god do you miss him like he’s been gone for weeks.

That’s the hold Jungkook has on you, he has the power to make you a lovesick puppy and according to him you have the same hold over him. You knew he’d be busy on the job but couldn’t resist a small little text, something simple, something to get you and him by until you see each other again when you both get home.

[Name] : I miss u, can’t wait to see u later and give u kisses. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) — 2:30pm

You smiled at the cringe worthy text you’d written up but decided to send it anyway, Jungkook always enjoyed your dirty comments and hidden dirty meanings about stuff you would say sometimes.

Jungkook usually replied instantly and the fact that he left you on read has you worried, even if he’s on the job Jungkook doesn’t hesitate to break the rules for you.

One minute turned into two and two into three and three into four and that four turned into ten minutes, you had never been so anxious before, you wondered if he was okay, was he hurt?

Was he just busy—, no, no matter what even if he was busy, he would have replied, he always does. You anxiously bit your nails, your mother always told you it was a disgusting habit you needed to stop but you couldn’t care less, biting your nails wasn’t something you could just stop, especially when you’re stressing like this.

You stared at your phone as you heard gasps run through your office, you switched from biting your fingernails to your lip as you continued to refresh your messages hoping to see a new message from Jungkook.

You didn’t bother to look up or tear your gaze from your screen as you heard mutters and gasps continue through your office, all you cared about, all that mattered right now was Jungkook.

You decided that another text would help your curiosity as to whether Jungkook was truly too busy to even look at your new text or whether he was just ignoring you for some reason you would find out about soon enough.

You flinched when a hand came to touch your shoulder, you finally looked up to see Jungkook, you smiled seeing him and initially you were confused but nonetheless happy.

His gaze was icy and held no smile he seemed so dull, you wondered why and also wondered why your coworkers were staring at the both of you and whispering, your heart racing in anticipation as Jungkook gestured for you to get out of your seat.

Jungkook was never rough with you and even if you hurt anyone, he could never bring himself to be forceful with you. “Kook, what’s going on.” You were surprised when Jungkook softly grabbed your hands and put them behind your back.

You tried turning to see him, but he held your wrists tightly before getting out his cuffs and placing them as gently as possible on your wrists. “Anything you say may be used against you in a court of law.”

You were for some reason trying to break the handcuffs by pulling your wrists away from each other in a fast motion, you’re not she-hulk you can’t break the metal handcuffs, but you continued to anyway.

“Kook, why are you reading me my Miranda rights, what the hell are you doing?” Jungkook didn’t tell you why but he just looked down and continued reading your Miranda rights.

“Kook, what the fuck?” You started to struggle and panic as he wasn’t unlocking the cuffs and you knew he wasn’t playing. “You are under arrest for the murder of Jeon Jung-hyun.”

Your eyes widened as your mouth gaped open, it was purely silent as he started to perp walk you. “His own brother,” you heard people calling you names and trash talking you as you let your head hang low.

Jungkook softly helped you get into his car, he couldn’t look at you, you were crying and just the sound of it made his heart clench in pain. “Kook, w-what’s happening?” He didn’t answer but started the car and closed his eyes for a second before pulling out of the parking space, this wasn’t going to be easy.

-

When the both of walked in you received dirty looks from other officers that you thought you knew well. “Jeon, I’ll put her in the cell you go take your break, you look like shit man.”

Another officer you knew as Hoshi had stopped by Jungkook and gave him a small nod to try and get him to go. Jungkook huffed, “Thanks Hoshi but I’m fine.”

Hoshi patted his back, “Come on man, I’ll do it, you don’t look so good. I’ll even cover for you so you can rest longer.”  Jungkook hesitated but nonetheless nodded, he had to admit he was so tired and hungry he could barely keep his eyes open and he didn’t even realize it.

Hoshi pushed Jungkook away and laughed when he almost lost balance, “Go rest Jeon or eat or find a way to do both.” Hoshi grabbed onto your arms and he unlocked the cell before unlocking your handcuffs.

You grabbed onto his arm just before he closed the cell door, “Hoshi please, you know me, you know I wouldn’t do this to Jungkook please.” Hoshi shook you off, he looked disgusted by just the touch of you.

“Listen [Name], all the evidence points to you, no one else is a bigger suspect, what am I supposed to do?” Hoshi pushed you further into the cell, “please Hoshi you know I’d never do anything like this.”

Hoshi held his hips and looked to the ground sighing before looking back up at you, “[Name] there’s nothing that I can do.” You held the cell bars tightly and tried to get closer, “Please Hoshi please don’t give up please continue to try and find something, anything. I love Jungkook, and I would never hurt him, you know that.”

Hoshi bit the inside of his cheek, it’s true he knows just how much you love Jungkook. He had gotten cold feet when he was going to get married and you were the one who found him, you were the one to tell him what love is like, and that’s how he know she was the one.

You told him how you felt with Jungkook, how you’d do anything for him, how he makes your heart race when he smiles and how you cry from just the thought of him leaving you.

“Okay, I’ll keep looking but it’s not a guarantee.”

You nodded vigorously, “I’ll take it, I am innocent I’m sure there will be something to prove it too.”

-

Everything went as expected, at your trial because of the evidence you were found guilty. Your lawyer did everything he could but whoever framed you was an extreme perfectionist from how well everything was planned out.

Your first day in jail you were scared and tried your best to keep to yourself, the others respected you enough to not mess with you, lucky for you no one knew you were betrothed to the man that put most of them in jail.

Everything was going smoothly until one of the guards stupidly let out that you were Jungkook’s girlfriend, “I still can’t believe Jeon’s own girlfriend got thrown in jail.” He said and sure enough you had eyes all over you as you stood in the middle of the lunchroom.

Another guard hit the one whom spoke too loudly, and he noticed the mistake he made, he didn’t realize how loud he said it.

You felt your heart beating fast, all the eyes on you, you gulped dryly the guards were looking at everyone in the silent lunchroom trying to ensure your safety.

It was silent so silent you could hear a pin drop, one woman who absolutely hated Jungkook made the first move. Unfortunately, she was the closest to you and unfortunately for you she had been planning to take someone out anyway, so she already had a shiv with her.

She swiftly charged at you and since your back was facing her when you turned it was too late, she plunged the shiv deeply into your stomach. The guards also charged for her, but they didn’t get to you in time, by then she had plunged the shiv into you three times ensuring your death.

You fell to the ground and the surrounding inmates kicked you, the two guards had tried to pull the other inmates away from you. When that didn’t work, they grabbed their batons and started to use force to get them away from you.

More guards were called but once they finally got all the inmates away from you, you weren’t breathing. The health care at the prison was shit so there was no use in trying to get you there, but they felt bad because you were Jungkook’s girlfriend and they knew you pretty well.

The guards still called an outside hospital and decided to let them officially call your death and also tell Jungkook because they weren’t going to be the ones to do it.

The guard who outed you decided he would ride in the ambulance with you, he felt absolutely horrible, even though you murdered Jungkook’s brother he knew how good of a person you were. You would try your best to bake or make food for the guards because you knew some of them would hardly eat.

In the ambulance you were barely conscious and had to wear an oxygen mask but at least there was still a chance. You were bleeding out too quickly and the paramedic tried everything he could, but you still died on the way to the hospital.

It was a given that would happen, the guards knew that you were going to die from how deep that woman stabbed you and how many times she did. There’s no way she didn’t hit a vital organ that caused you to bleed out so much and so quickly that it was unstoppable.

-

Jungkook slept for the day, in his dreams you were there, and everything was normal. Jungkook ones in his heart that he still loved you, he didn’t even visit you in jail it was too painful for him. He tried to rack his brain for answers as to why you would murder his brother; had he done something to you.

You weren’t just hurt anyone without a reason, right? Especially not murder, Jungkook preferred to stay in his dreams where you were and that’s why he wanted to kill whoever woke him up from his peaceful dream with you.

“Are you Jeon Jungkook, emergency contact of Park [Name].” It was a woman’s voice, probably a nurse and Jungkook’s heart dropped, why would you be in a hospital?

“Yes, who are you and why do you have her phone?”

The nurse sighed, “Please come to Bumin Busan hospital.”

-

Jungkook arrived to see a guard from the prison standing in front of the door waiting for him, “Where’s [Name]?!”

Jungkook pushed the guard up against the outside door, Jungkook was causing a disturbance but he didn’t care. “I’m sorry sir there was a problem at the prison-,” Jungkook cut him off by punching him in the face.

The guard fell to the floor with Jungkook on top of him, “What do you mean problem, it’s your job to prevent people from getting hurt!”

His only concern was getting to you, he never should’ve trusted the evidence, “Sir Jeon there’s something you should know.”

Jungkook’s phone interrupted the guard, Jungkook got off of the guard, “You are no longer any of my concern get out of here before I have you fired.”

The guard widened his eyes and nodded thinking it would best to have the doctor tell him about you. “Hello, Hoshi?”

“Jungkook you need to come to the station right away!” Jungkook winced a little from how loud Hoshi yelled from excitement into the phone.

“I’ll come by later, something’s come up.” Jungkook hung up on Hoshi before he could say anything else.

Jungkook didn’t care about anything else but seeing you right now and making sure that you were okay, he ran into the hospital and looked for reception.

His main concern was you, making sure that you were okay, he was going to have a lot of apologizing to do to you. “Excuse me, where’s Kim [Name]?” The receptionist looked up to see Jungkook’s worried expression, “Uh…what room is she in?”

The receptionist looked at him with pity, “Give me one second and I’ll call the doctor.” Jungkook blinked slowly and nodded before turning around, the receptionist called any available doctor to try and explain what was happening.

Jungkook was looking around the hospital and walked further away from reception, she took that chance to phone someone, anyone. Jungkook was far enough so that he wouldn’t hear her, but she didn’t take her chances and kept her voice low anyway.

“He’s right here, right now please get a doctor to tell him.” The receptionist couldn’t be the one to do it, she didn’t know how, what just plainly say that you died, he deserves better.

“Mr. Jeon a doctor will be coming shortly to fetch you and go into further details of [Name]’s condition.” Jungkook walked closer to the receptionist, “Listen I don’t understand what you can’t get through your tiny brain but all I need is her room number so I can see her.”

The receptionist understood how frustrated he was, so she bit her tongue, “I’m sorry Mr. Jeon but I think it’d be best for the doctor to explain-,” Jungkook slammed his hands on her desk making her flinch, “explain?! I don’t need an explanation I just want to see her.”

Jungkook flinched surprised when he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder, “please don’t yell at her Mr. Jeon she’s just doing her job, come follow me.”

-

“Okay Dr. Lee, can’t I just see my girlfriend?” Dr. Lee had brought Jungkook somewhere private and definitely not where you were, the space was empty and looked like a used old medical practice room.

“Listen Jungkook I’ll be frank with you, [Name] didn’t make it and I’m really sorry but the fetus inside her didn’t make it either.”

Jungkook felt lightheaded from what he heard, “P-pregnant?”

He tightly held onto the edge of a table trying to grip the reality of this, “I’m sorry Mr. Jeon did you not know [Name] was two months pregnant?”

“You’re lying she would tell me; I did not put my two-month pregnant girlfriend in jail only to be killed.”

“I’m sorry Jungkook but it seems that way, we found an unborn fetus inside of her.” Jungkook shook his head furiously, “I’m sorry Dr. Lee I can’t deal with this right now I-I need to work-, I need to go.”

“Jungkook!” Dr. Lee called out for Jungkook again, but he just ran away, “ah Jungkook you don’t know what you’re doing.”

-

“Hoshi!” Jungkook looked through the room of the station to try and find Hoshi, he stopped in the middle of the room seeing everyone crowded around a board Hoshi pushed through to try and get to Jungkook.

“Isn’t it great Jungkook, we have evidence that [Name] didn’t kill Jung-hyun.” Jungkook fell to his knees with regret, disappointment, sadness, pretty much anything you can think of.

“No, no that can’t be true.” There’s no way he sent his pregnant girlfriend to jail, there’s no way he killed his pregnant girlfriend, the woman he thought he’d spend his life with.

He had gotten a ring just for her, “what’s wrong Jungkook this is a good thing, we can get her out.”

Everyone’s blood ran cold when Jungkook put his hands on the floor and lowered his head to the ground, “She’s dead.”

Jungkook was panting, he was so upset he couldn’t even cry instead he laughed, “she’s gone, my life is gone.” He laughed until he cried, and his fellow officers thought he was a madman.

“Jungkook I’m sorry-,” Jungkook jerked away when Hoshi tried to pat his back, “Don’t! She was pregnant Hoshi, I killed my pregnant girlfriend, the woman I was gonna marry, the woman I love I killed her and our unborn child.”

Hoshi gasped in awe, what could he say, why didn’t he find the evidence in time, you were pregnant? The entire station was silent and heard Jungkook’s confession, they were surprised that you were pregnant out of wedlock but that was forgotten when he mentioned that you had passed.

You were his bestfriend, you were there for him when he could’ve made the biggest mistake of his life and he just threw you in prison to let you rot, you didn’t deserve to die like that. “W-what,” Hoshi fell on his ass when it hit him too, why didn’t he find evidence sooner?

“S-she’s dead, [N-n-name]’s dead.” All of the officers looked down in desolation as Jungkook burst into tears like he was a lost child, and maybe that’s all he is right now a little lost child with no home, no comfort, no nothing, just his lonesome self and all he can do is cry.

Another officer tried to step up since Hoshi the only person who knew how Jungkook was feeling was in a lonely silent despair. “Jungkook we should plan a funeral for her and your baby.”

As soon as the other officers heard the younger say, “your baby,” they expected Jungkook to lunge at him and hit him for mention the poor soul, but he didn’t. Jungkook cried louder, “m-my baby, I killed my little baby.”

Hoshi just continued to stare blankly at the floor, “Jungkook, you didn’t kill them, someone else did because of you.” Another officer hit the younger and whispered, “you’re not helping.”

-

Everyone couldn’t tell whether Hoshi or Jungkook took your death worse, Hoshi was silent and so was Jungkook they were both inside a stage of pain and guilt. Neither of them left their houses, hell they didn’t leave their rooms.

A few of the officers decided to try and get them to get out of their rooms because not even Hoshi’s wife could get him out, he was just too dejected about not getting new evidence in time and everyone was worried about Jungkook because he didn’t have anyone (more like he wouldn’t let anyone in).

“Come on Jungkook [Name] wouldn’t want to see you like this.” Felix tried to pull the blanket off of Jungkook but Jungkook wouldn’t let go of it either, “Well she’s dead so she can’t see me like this, now get out.”

Felix sighed, “Jungkook please you couldn’t have known.” Felix kicked around beer bottles that surrounded his feet, “you can’t substitute beer for food Jungkook, we all messed up.” Jungkook sat up and harshly pushed Felix away and then started to hit his chest, “yeah but I should’ve known, I should’ve believed her, I should’ve visited her, but I didn’t.”

Felix tried to grab Jungkook’s wrist to stop him from hitting his chest, “please Jungkook stop this, there was too much evidence against her, you couldn’t have believed her.”

Jungkook shook off Felix, “Even if I couldn’t, even if the world was against her, it doesn’t matter I should have been there for her so leave me alone.”

With one hard push Felix fell to the floor, “I’ll leave you for now, I know you still need time to grieve.” When Felix left Jungkook pulled out his phone and looked at the last text he had gotten from you on that day.

He silently cried knowing that Felix was probably still in his house doing cleaning or something like that, if only he had done what he wanted to that day you wouldn’t be dead, he would have a beautiful child with you and he would be happy instead of cowardly hiding from the world to avoid seeing you everywhere.

-

Jungkook was freaking out just outside your building, how could he arrest you, did you really kill his brother, why would you do it, you wouldn’t, would you?

He heard and his phone ding and in came a text from you, he laughed and chose not to respond before turning away from your building and walking away.

Jungkook walked back to his car and opened the door, he sat in his car for a minute before deciding on quitting and running away with you.

Jungkook put his phone down, maybe it’d be best if he left with you first and then informed his officer that he was quitting. He’d have to go, and pack first and then get you and then leave, yeah that’s probably best.

Jungkook started his car, “Am I really letting my brother’s killer go free?” Jungkook shook his head, “No, no I have to throwing [Name] in jail isn’t going to bring my brother back.”

But on the other hand, she’s a murderer, I’m running away with a murderer.

But what if she really didn’t kill him, what if there’s something I’m missing?

But what if she really did kill him, my elder brother someone who I treasured and looked up to.

Jungkook continued to fight with himself trying to decide which choice was right and wrong, “I became a police officer to put bad people away and just because I love her doesn’t mean she gets to break the law.”

Jungkook tightened his fist around his steering wheel before slamming his fist onto his horn making a loud noise no one could hear since there was no one else in the parking lot. “Fuck, why is this so hard?”

Jungkook took a deep breath and turned off his car again, “Just because I love her doesn’t mean she gets to break the law.”

-

“I tried but he won’t come out,” Felix was talking with one of his seniors that asked him to try and get Jungkook out while he went to Hoshi. “It’s fine just clean up and make him food, make sure he eats, I’ll call you later to see how it goes with Hoshi.”

Felix nodded, “Hopefully he’ll finally talk, he hasn’t talked since he found out.”

Mingyu sighed, “Yeah I know,” he knocked on Hoshi’s door and hung up his phone.

Hoshi’s wife opened the door, “Oh thank god you’re here Mingyu he’s not even eating.” Mingyu scratched his head, “It’s that bad?”

She nodded, “I can’t get him to eat, he refuses to look at me, I don’t even hear him cry.” Mingyu nodded and stepped into their house, “Where is he right now?” She gestured for him to follow her and he did.

“Hoshi, Mingyu is here.” She softly knocked on the door with the back of her finger three times, she waited for any noise, any signal that he was okay with them coming in.

She didn’t hear anything though, “Hoshi?” Mingyu pushed her away softly and knocked on the door again, “Mingyu, we’re coming in.” They still didn’t hear anything but opened the door, Hoshi wasn’t in sight and their anxiety level began to rise.

“Hoshi?!”

She looked towards Mingyu, “I swear he was in here.” Mingyu put his hand up letting her know she didn’t have to say anything, “the bathroom.” Mingyu looked at Hoshi’s wife, she was walking towards the bathroom with shaky hands.

Mingyu beat her to the bathroom and tried to open the door, “It’s locked, do you have a key for it?”

She nodded and rushed out of the room, “Hoshi are you in there?!” Mingyu twisted the locked knob, he knew he couldn’t get it open, but he still tugged on it anyway.

“Mingyu I found the key, here.” She quickly threw the key to Mingyu, he caught the key and quickly opened the door, “Hoshi?!”

Mingyu ran into the bathroom to an indescribable scene, “Call an ambulance,” he managed to yell to Hoshi’s wife through his own shock and horror.

Mingyu tried (keep in mind tried) to pull Hoshi out of the bathtub filled with watery blood, “No, no stop let me die, I want to die.” Mingyu was appalled by this, how is he still alive?(Mingyu was thankful but shocked).

Hoshi resisted, “I want to die, leave me alone, go away.” Hoshi fought Mingyu but he was weak from blood loss, “I-I miss her.” A broken sob left Hoshi as his consciousness faded away, “I miss her too buddy.”

Note I : Okay so to the anon who requested I hope it’s okay I added this little plot twist of reader being pregnant, I thought it’d add more dramatic effect. Sorry I took so long writing this I have a lot of schoolwork I don’t want to do and I lowkey think I have ADHD but my mom doesn’t want to let me take a test to find out so I will forever be unable to focus. Anyway, hope you enjoy.  

Note II : My god I dragged this on way too long 😩I didn’t know how to end it. Forgive me anon if you didn’t like the ending 👉🏻👈🏻 and I feel like I haven’t posted in forever. ☹️

[demon-animatronic]

Perfectly Perfect: Chapter  1 (Self-Insert fic)

Title: Perfectly Perfect

Rating: Teen for swearing(That didn’t take long but it’s not a lot)

Relationship: Steelbeak x Self Insert Lexi

Genre: Family/Friendship and eventually Angst and Hurt/Comfort

Chapter Summary: Steelbeak is here and we chat about teachers that sucked when we were kids.

Other: Nothing that I can think of.

Author’s Note:

Just a quick chapter. I’m trying to think of filler related things before the angst and pain starts in a couple of chapters. Which I’m going to try and make be chapter 10 when it happens.

I will forever headcanon that OG Steelbeak is New Steelbeak’s dad. But instead of working with FOWL, he was some Crime/Mob boss and it’s how he lost his beak. Which is ironic that both lost their beaks for one reason or another. 

Prologue - Last Chapter - Next Chapter 

It was an average Spring day in April 2019 when Black Heron sent Steelbeak to the library to grab a few things. Apparently there was some books there that FOWL needed. So she decided to send her errand boy to go get them for her.

Steelbeak stepped inside and groaned to himself. He was never really into reading when he was younger. Well, except for Darkwing Duck comics. He read those all the time. Much to his teacher’s dislike.

He looked at the list he was given and began looking for them.

As he walked by a table, he thought he saw that Dewey kid at a different table only in red this time. But he didn’t get the chance to think about it for very long when a noise distracted him.

Looking down, he saw someone had smacked themselves in the face with a notebook. Chuckling, he walked over so he was leaning on the chair next to them.

“Bad day, babe?” Steelbeak asked.

“You can say that.” I replied with my pointed ear pinned down and not looking up from my notebook.

“What are you doing?” Steelbeak decided to ask.

“I forgot how much homework sucked.” I put the notebook down and my ear lifted up again.

“You look a little old for homework.” Steelbeak stated the obvious.

“Let’s just say I went to college, quit after a year or so to help raise my nephews, and finally started going back recently.”  I said.

“Ooooh!” Steelbeak started. “I got ya.” 

“I also forgot how teachers can be dicks for no reason.” I added.

“Oh don’t get me started. I hated just about every teacher that I had as a kid. Then again, it probably didn’t help how often I fought with my teachers and the other kids.” He gave a small quiet chuckle. “I lost track on how many schools I was kicked out of for fighting.”

“Wow.” I stated.

“I know!” Steelbeak said and kneeled down a little. “Wanna hear a story about one of my worst teachers that I had?”

“Sure.” I nodded.

“So I was maybe 9 or 10 years old, right? I did awful in things like Math and Science and had this woman as my teacher for both one year. I think those two classes were back-to-back even.” Steelbeak started. “For some reason she refused to give me help in those classes. And was constantly calling me out in front of the whole class. Hell, the other kids started calling me names like ‘stupid’ and she did nothing about it since she called me it herself too and even started it.”

“Please say she got fired.” I said.

“Nope. Never got fired for it. I got kicked out for fighting her one too many times though.“ Steelbeak continued. “Another thing that happened was that some kid was crying for getting a B and this same teacher told her to be happy she wasn’t like me and getting Ds and Fs! It wasn’t the only time she mentioned my grades out loud.”

“I probably would’ve fought her too for being a mega bitch.” I replied.

“Really?”

“Nah.” I smiled. “I didn’t get into fights like that. But it definitely would’ve pissed me off if I had a teacher go THAT far. Now I’m glad my kids are home schooled now.”  

“Did you have teachers get on your nerves like that?” Steelbeak asked.

“Yeah I did. I remember in 4th and 5th grades, I had this teacher bitch at me nearly every day. When I found out she was my home room teacher for 5th grade, I dreaded that school year before it started. Only upside is that my class had two desks side-by-side for our books.” I replied.

“What did she bitch at you for?” Steelbeak asked, sitting down beside me.

“I went to a private school and had to wear skirts along with pants. She kept yelling at me about my skirts being too short despite classmates and kids both younger and older having even shorter skirts than me. Plus, I was constantly growing during those two years and had gotten new skirts in 4th grade. Let’s just say those things are expensive as Hell. Even back then.”

“Did any other teachers give you trouble about it?”

“Nope.” I shook my head. “That’s why I never did anything about it. She was the only one to give me problems so I chose not to get new skirts to make her happy. If other teachers and the principal said something, maybe I would’ve done something different.”

“Good for you. Honestly, I probably would’ve picked fights with her every day like my own teachers.” Steelbeak shrugged. “That said, I don’t even remember many from high school. In fact, I actually dropped out completely when I was 16 years old and left home.”

“How did your parents feel?” I asked.

“My folks didn’t like it. But then again, my dad’s an asshole and I never did anything right in his eyes. My mom, eh….she wasn’t much better.”

“That really sucks.” I replied, not knowing how to take in that info.

“Don’t worry about it. It was years ago. I haven’t seen my parents in a long time but I did turn into my dad a little bit.” He tapped his beak. “Never told me what happened to his original beak before he got a prosthetic but I doubt he did the same thing that I did to mine. Personally, I‘m pretty sure he was some crime boss. You‘re lucky you got two families.”

“How do you know?” I questioned, humorously. 

“Well, you’re a Dognose. So obviously you have a Dognose family. And I’ve seen you with McDuck’s family all the time. Are you like some bonus family member or something?” Steelbeak asked.

“Yeah. I guess you can say I’m an honorary family member since I grew up with his niece and nephews. He took to calling me his niece one day and he‘s been my Uncle Scrooge ever since.” I said.

“See? You got two families. You make stuff like that look easy. I mean, I did have friends growing up that liked things like Darkwing Duck. But it didn‘t last in high school.” Steelbeak rubbed his face.

“Trust me, I always had social anxiety growing up and was lucky to meet Donald and Della. I’m pretty sure Donald and I only became best friends because we both have speech impediments. So we knew how the other was feeling with our shared insecurity and bonded from that. Della was a bonus best friend that happened to be a girl too.”

“So would you have been able to make friends or gain a second family without them?” Steelbeak asked.

“Fuck no.” I replied.

“Well,” Steelbeak laughed then someone shushed him so he quieted his voice a little. “I guess that made me feel a little bit better.”

“Surely you have friends now right?” I asked.

“Yeah!…Kind of… Depends on what you consider coworkers to be. Especially if they call you stupid and constantly muzzle you. I‘m NOT stupid, by the way!” Steelbeak replied, folding his arms.

“Didn’t say that you are.” I frowned. “Doesn’t sound like friends to me. I mean, playfully calling you dumb is one thing, being full on serious is another. Especially if they muzzle you.”

“Have you ever been called it before? And are you still bothered about your speech problem?” Steelbeak asked.

“Not as much now as I was when I was younger. If you meant stupid, I don’t think I’ve been called it straight to my face. But I know my teachers thought it all the time. Especially my math teachers.” I held up the notebook I hit myself with earlier and showed it saying MATH on it.

“I agree, Math is the worst.” Steelbeak chuckled. “Now I understand why you smacked yourself earlier. But come on, I doubt you did worse than me.”

“I beg to differ. You weren’t the one with an undiagnosed learning disorder so everyone thought you were legit stupid when it came to all things Math. Well, I’m pretty sure I have a learning disorder. Those tests didn’t exist as a kid so who knows. But the one I think I have makes so much sense.” I said.

“Oh really? What is it?” Steelbeak asked.

“It’s called Dyscalculia.” I replied. “It basically involves having a hard time with concepts like time, mainly analog clocks, and measurement. And not being able to remember concepts, rules, and formulas.”

“Do you think things would be different if you knew about it as a kid?”

“Probably not.” I shrugged. “It wouldn’t of changed how I still did awful in math and better in History and reading.”

“Same here.” Steelbeak said. “I wasn’t into reading much as a kid but it was definitely the easiest subject for me. History wasn’t so bad either. What type of books did you read?”

“Mainly things involving supernatural or paranormal. What about you?”

“Like I said, I didn’t read books much.” Steelbeak said.

“You mentioned Darkwing Duck, right? Did you read the comics?” I asked.

“Oh yeah! I read those all the time! Did you read them?” He asked.

“Not really. I’ve been rewatching the show with my buddy, LP.” I said.

“…You mean Launchpad?” I nodded. “Huh. Didn’t know he was into Darkwing too.”  

“You know him?” I asked.

“Sort of. We met… in passing one day and I heard the kid over there talk to him. Only he was wearing blue.” He pointed to Huey.

“That was probably Dewey. Huey wears red a lot and is over there. Dewey wears blue. Louie, the third triplet, is usually wearing green.” I said and he stared at me. “What? I did help raise my honorary nephews… so of course I can tell which is which.”

“Fair enough.” Steelbeak replied with a shrug. “So what made you start school again? Was it because your kids are older now?”

“No. The boy’s mom is home now and found out I quit college over 10 years ago to help raise her kids. She basically forced me to go back.” I replied.

“And yet you’re still babysitting one of them.” Steelbeak said.

“The kids asked to come since they made their own book club. I don‘t mind watching them as I do my homework.” I shrugged.

“Where’s the rest of the kids at?” Steelbeak asked.

“Either home at the mansion or hopefully with another adult.” I said.

“Oh okay. Well, I better go look for the books that I’m here for before I forget.” Steelbeak said, standing up and taking the list out again.

After looking at the list, he frowned and looked around.

“Need help…?” I asked, noticing the look.

“Uh no. I can find them on my own. Thanks though, babe.” Steelbeak winked then walked away.