#and it's not fair on anyone else because i get snappy and it's not their fault and i know it's not their fault and i'm not trying to snap

[camellia-thea]

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[xzaddyzanakinx]

Part two thoughts on an ani x bpd reader? Like, when things get that bad, does either of them wake the fuck up and realize things need to change? Remorse or guilt? The reader leaving? Ani leaving or falling into a self loathing hole, doing bad stuff again and again whether to himself or reader) and not taking care of himself?

It’s interesting to read some of your takes on BPD relationships, because I obviously have no idea what that’s like, but you do. You can make it seem very addicting, but also very terrifying and unhealthy, depending on which way the pendulum swings (I hope you take that as a compliment. Tone is hard through text. Lol. 😅).

I personally do not believe abuse is justified in any situation, whether you have a disorder or not. There’s lots of ways to deal with feelings without taking it out on someone else. On the other hand, I know some BPD’s have described feeling horrified with themselves after an episode like that, and so I’ve never really known just how much ‘control’ someone has in that moment. Either way, I still believe it’s the person’s responsibility to find a way to deal with it. Nobody deserves to be miserable around them just because they can’t handle something.

Anyway, I kind of went off on a rant. Apologies. Lol. My main request was for a part two of Ani x BPD reader! ❤️🫶✨

Not offended at all bby.

I think after I’m done with stalker!ani I’ll write a fic on this. Just cause so many people have asked about it.

100% BPD X BPD would be a terrible pairing. Coming from me as a bpd gal.

Now, personally, I’ve never physically abused anyone during an episode. But I HAVE done lots of property damage and I also broke my hand when I used a concrete wall as a punching bag. I split a wooden bat at the tip from whacking a fence once.

When it gets that bad, I don’t really remember what I said or did. I just feel really jittery, almost like an extreme caffeine high you know? (Imagine old cartoon character drinking coffee and their whole body vibrates, eyeballs and all)

But if it doesn’t get to that point, which it rarely does now that I’m medicated correctly and have a good support system, I IMMEDIATELY feel regret. Like horrible sorrow. Bpd means big feelings and when I feel regret, which isn’t often, it feels like I’m grieving a death that I’m to blame for.

For the smaller, more snappy or short outbursts:

My mouth works faster than the logical part of my brain that tells me not to say something mean.

Sometimes I catch myself in the middle of saying something awful and then I just have to finish it because the damage is done and I may as well spit it out. Then I’ll lock myself in the bathroom for an hour until I’ve hyped myself up enough to apologize, then I’ll go back to the bathroom until the big feelings from my apology die down. I’ll be quiet, basically selectively mute for the rest of the day and be super irritable.

It’s exhausting. But it’s even more exhausting to have to continually remind myself not to spew the first thing that pops into my head or not to chuck the bag of shredded cheese at the wall because I can’t get the ziploc to open.

It’s so stupid that something so small as getting my hairbrush stuck on a knot in my hair could set me off into a teeth gritting, foot stomp and shriek. Like wtf? That’s embarrassing. But it happens before I can even think about what I’m doing.

The best way I can describe it is: I’m a bratty toddler when it comes to emotional regulation.

But you’re so right tho, your illness doesn’t give you an excuse to be an ass. It just proves the person doesn’t want to put in the work to get better if they use it as a justifying reason.

BPD might cause my reactions, but I’m in charge of my actual actions. Sometimes it takes a long time for them to recognize that though. I’m an adult now, I’m medicated, I’ve spent my fair share of days in the loony bin. Looking back at my teenage self? It’s horrific and sad. For me and everyone around me back then.

[loveswrites]

I Chose You ~ Poly Cullen X reader

This is something I've had written up in my google doc for a while. I wrote it for me mostly but I thought I'd post it and see if anyone else would enjoy it!

Give your thought's in the comments! Tell me if you want more or what you'd like me to post more of!

"I Chose You"

Summary~ The Cullens start fighting over you

▪︎▪︎▪︎

Currently you're chilling at the Cullen's house. It was a calm and relaxing Friday evening. After school your mates Edward, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett just rushed you home to their house. Saying they couldn't wait to spend time with you, like you hadn't spent all day in the presence of basically all of them. 

Your head rested against Emmett's chest as Rosalies rested on your stomach, because they both insisted that you all cuddle with each other. Playing in the background was some sports channel that they had turned on. To which you knew nothing about, you were just here for the vibes. Being surrounded in an ice sandwich comforted you as you always found the cold to be inviting. Most didn't but you we're like most. You were mated to basically the whole Cullen family Minus Alice she was mated to Bella. 

Most days it was easy and calm. Not much ruckus, besides Emmett and his loud self nonetheless you loved him. But other days it was a little difficult. Being mated to 6 different people was difficult but you could manage. That was until you had to go visit some relatives out of state and you were gone for 2 weeks. That had messed up the routine and the peaceful relaxing days, As ever since you got back each one of your mates felt like they had to run and snatch you up before another one could. 

Which was true, one would be walking towards you with a smile then make eye contact with another then it would turn into a race of who could grab the last blueberry muffin. Emmetts hand was running through your head while he was fussing at the TV. Rosalie was holding your hand gently caressing it, every now and then pressing soft kisses against your fingers and up your wrist. You were just starting to relax when you heard a bell ring making you jump at the unexpected sound.

 You were met by a gust of wind looking up. You saw Jasper in front of you holding his hand out. "I believe it's my turn to have some alone time with our lovely doll." Jasper said in his thick southern accent that always made your heart skip a beat. To which he sent you a sly wink alongside his signature smirk letting you know he heard it.

You couldn't help but let out a little giggle. 

"It hasn't even been an hour yet!" Emmett huffed out. 

"Yes it has, hint the Alarm. Now give her up." Jasper said a little snappy. He's been a little irritated having to feel everyone's emotions. Everyone's emotions on top of his own we're.. To say the least overwhelming. 

"No it hasn't! The games not even over yet! I'm not letting her go, it's not your turn!" Emmett yelled out. 

"Well that's not my fault now is it? We agreed on one hour, not two. You're wasting my time." Jasper said, reaching to grab my hand to which Rosalie slapped his hand away with a growl. 

"Back the fuck off." Rosalie said tightening her grip on my hand but not enough to hurt.

"I'm not, In the mood Rosalie." Jasper said shooting Rose a stern look making her sit up narrowing her eyes at Jasper. I could tell Jasper was getting to his breaking point making me sit up watching him and Rosalie closely.

 "What are you talking about your turn?" Edward said walking into the room holding a bag of snacks which made me smile immediately as I knew they were for me. 

"It's my turn and they're hogging her." Jasper said, annoyed, making his southern accent thicker if that was even possible. Hearing his voice made me let out a little hum making Jasper look at me tilting his head with a look of curiosity.

"No, It's my turn." Edward said as a matter of fact. 

"No it's not! The bell rang. I got here first fair and square ya shouldn't have been outside!" Jasper yelled glaring at Edward. Edward put down the bag he was holding on the nearest table. Walking Up to Jasper glaring back at him.

"If you want to fight for her we can do that." Edward said, having read Jasper's mind. Jasper ready to bareback his teeth and fight for me if he must. 

"Wait!" I said standing in between the two, making them both look down at me, their eyes softening their gaze. 

"What did you get me?" I asked, looking at Edward pointing to the bag he brought in with him. 

"The chips you said you were craving earlier today at school." He replied, watching me as I went to pick up the bag. 

"Thank you." I said grabbing the bag walking towards the door making the four panic slightly.

"Where are you going?!" Two voices said in desperation.

 "To see what Carlisle Is doing." And with that I was off into my car driving off to the hospital Carlisle was working at. Hopefully to get some peace and quiet. But who knows.

[harrowedsoup]

I know I made a post about this before but I can’t find it so have it again: Modern AU Gideon and her wearing a collar-

Harrow suggested it (because she has jealousy issues) but didn’t really think Gideon would ever go for it. Her idea was for Gideon to wear a chain necklace with her initials. Simple and easily hidden if she needed/wanted. Just enough to satisfy Harrow’s possessive side.

It takes like… three conversations for Gideon to get what Harrow is really wanting because Harrow doesn’t really want a fight which is what she’s kinda expecting (and she’s just horrible at asking for stuff that she likes) because Gideon gets kinda snappy sometimes about Harrow trying to control her.

Once she gets it through? She’s into it. She’s SUPER into it.

Gideon agrees to the simple gold chain but pretty quickly wants something a bit bigger and noticeable and soon ends up with a leather collar. Harrow actually argues against it for a bit because she thinks it’s kinda tacky and Much but Gideon likes tacky.

People assume that’s it’s a whole pet play thing or bdsm but its not even a sexual thing like 90% of the time. Gideon rationalizes it being like more intense version of a wedding ring in her weird mind.

Harrow offered to wear a collar in return (because that seems fair) but Gideon’s possessiveness is different. Harrow gets possessive because the idea of anyone taking Gideon or Gideon leaving her for someone else makes her jealous while Gideon’s is the idea that someone could possibly take better care of Harrow or Harrow wanting that from them.

So Harrow wearing a collar wouldn’t really do for Gideon what it does for Harrow. Plus Gideon’s jealousy is wayyyy more sexually charged than Harrow’s so she just leaves a fuck ton of hickeys all over her neck. Like there’s always at least one.

[watatsumiis]

Some Pantalone headcanons <3

Some of my personal headcanons for Pantalone below the cut since my dash is flooded with him at the moment (as it should be)

Content warning for intrusive thoughts, mentions of skin/hair picking/pulling, compulsions, possible disordered eating.

Disclaimer: I write Pantalone as having OCD in this, please be aware that these traits aren't shared by everyone who has OCD, this is a set of headcanons that I have made based on personal experience and research, not a diagnostic list or a generalisation.

Pantalone has OCD - though he masks very well and keeps up his cool, unphased charade when around others, spending any significant amount of time around him and observing his behaviours makes it fairly clear.

He struggles quite badly with skin picking especially, his arms and shoulders are marked with faint scars, as well as his face, but he uses makeup to conceal it. This habit is a bit part of the reason why he wears gloves, so that it's harder for him to do so. He can sometimes get snappy with people who try to verbally remind him not to pick, but his anger is more directed at himself than anyone else, he just projects it outwards as a way of hiding his insecurities surrounding his struggles.

He twirls his hair absently, and occasionally may pick at his eyebrows or eyelashes when he's extremely stressed and overwhelmed. Sometimes he ends up with a tangled, matted fringe just because of how much he pulls and twirls at it.

Pantalone struggles back and forth with the way he views people like cleaners and cooks - logically he knows they are their own people, with their own families and quirks, but there's some part of his brain that just can't cope with that. He needs the 'relationship' to be purely transactional, almost clinical in nature - he can't know anything about the people who do those sorts of jobs, or else it just gnaws at his mind and wears on him until he has some kind of breakdown thanks to it. The more detached the worker, the better he copes. He doesn't know the name of his personal chef, or the person who cleans his quarters, and he likes it that way. He pays them handsomely and makes sure they're treated well, but no more than that.

His food needs to be prepared a certain way, by a certain person. He dislikes cooking for himself since it takes an obscenely long time due to the fact that he gets caught up with hygiene. He only trusts a small handful of restaurants, and sometimes he'll send subordinates in to scope out kitchens in places where he'll be staying. If they don't meet his standards, or he has an 'off' feeling about them, he'll bring his own food, which often ends up with him living off of preserves when he's on long trips where he can't bring his personal chef.

Observing closely, a fair amount of his rituals and compulsions can be traced back to his poor upbringing - he's picky with food due to repeated bouts of food poisoning due to poor quality ingredients and cooking conditions when he was young, he can't stand uncleanliness thanks to sicknesses caused directly by bad living conditions, he's strict when locking doors and windows due to repeated break-ins when he lived in a poorer neighbourhood.

He has a 'circular' way of sorting and working on things, he can work on a lot of papers at once, they just have to be in the right order, so he can flit in a clockwise direction through them all, switching seamlessly between each one without getting them mixed up.

Nobody can touch or clean his desk except for him - though it may look 'messy' at first glance, he understands it all perfectly and will know immediately if anything gets moved at all.

He keeps himself carefully detached from most people, he often views non-professional relationships as complicated and messy. He plays up his 'snooty' attitude as a defense mechanism to keep people away from him.

He can sometimes tolerate La Signora's company (after some light 'reconnaissance' missions into her quarters). They have similar tastes in wine, cheeses, and fruits and will sometimes share gossip.

Despite his haughty attitude, all of the people who work under him have good pay and benefits, and due to that, there's often a lot of people fighting over applying to work for him instead.

He always respects everyone equally upon meeting them, no matter their appearance or background - lots of people spread rumours about him being cruel and mean to the poor for the sake of it, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

He often makes large anonymous donations to organisations that he knows are good and trustworthy.

Please don't repost, steal, copy or otherwise plagarise my writing! This includes posting translations to other sites.

[tw-episodereactions]

Teen Wolf 1x03

Scott, baby child. There is no allure to a school bus.

Oh well this is definitely a nightmare. Choice of school bus is fair then.

It’s a little weird that we didn’t get to see Scott waking up panicked and not breathing, and instead are getting told about it when he’s already calmed down.

Now that I think about it, we haven’t spent a lot of time alone with Scott while he’s going through the trauma of shifting without wanting it. We really only had that one quick scene in the shower before he got cut off with him being concerned with someone else. Like, historically werewolf transformation scenes in cinema usually last for several minutes, but I went back and looked, and the scene we got with Scott in the shower was 21 seconds. Is that weird to anyone else?

Like, I’m not looking for trauma porn, but we spend more time with Scott trying to calmly work the problem or him panicking in the moment, and rarely get that visceral hit of, ‘there’s this thing happening to my body that I can’t control or stop.’ Which, I guess maybe comes from the fact that he is asthmatic and maybe used to that feeling? I wish that could have been explored a bit more.

But I guess, I’m also feeling like there’s a missed opportunity to explore the whole, this thing was doneto me past tense, but because of the trauma it is also continuing to happen to me and I can’t stop it. Like, he gets triggered and has both a physical and emotional response, but it’s not a flashback to his initial traumatic event, it’s actively happening again.

It’s being presented as a weird combination of traumatic violent attack and a sudden onset of chronic illness, but it’s not being explored that way at all. It’s being explored as a procedural. So weird.

Oh no, Scott! I agree with Stiles on this! Derek violently attacked you multiple times and threatened to kill you! Like, I get he’s the only other werewolf you know of but he’s a creepy, violent, shitbag whose behavior should not be modeled in any way!

Well I get the concern, but Fuckface still doesn’t seem to give a shit about violence, only about getting caught so I’m still not sure he’s going to be in any way helpful, and he’s more likely to be detrimental to your life.

Panicked boy hits a locker, feels ashamed about it and literally no one notices. Just your average day in high school, I guess.

Allison ruffling Scott’s hair was cute. 

Ahahaha! It’s Jackson’s locker! No wonder no one gave a shit.

Scott’s face!

This is the second time we’ve gotten an exchange where Stiles says something and Scott asks a clarifying question that Stiles think is stupid so he sarcastically snipes back at him.

And, like, I maybe I’m misremembering, but Scott doesn’t do that with anyone else, so it just makes it seem like the writer’s are specifically putting that in so Stiles can have the snappy rejoinder. Which…is a choice to make your lead character ask a dumb question just because you want to write snarky dialogue. I get it, it’s fun, but it’s not great writing.

I’m going to have to watch out for the writers using Stiles as a proxy. It also puts a spin on how much of an asshole he was in the first episode.

Quick question: where did the third friend from the first episode go? She was cute.

We’re, what, fifteen minutes later before they found the victim? That’s just bad work by their emergency services department.

I mean, Scott has a point. The first time he went after someone was Stiles in the locker room and he didn’t remember any of it. He’s also definitely sleepwalked before, so it stands to reason that he’d be freaked about this. Still think Fuckface is a bad call.

Last episode Scott tries multiple times to not play and gets (gently or not so gently) bullied into it by multiple people. This episode he tries to cancel with Allison and in the reverse of episode one, Stiles tries to convince him otherwise.

Back when he lived with his dad? That makes it sound like for a while he was living with just his dad. I wonder if there was some sort of custody battle and he went from living with dad to living with mom.

Why do any of these people hang around Jackson? He seems so tiresome.

Also, Scott, there’s a fine line between being proactive and shooting yourself in the foot. Stop shooting yourself in the foot!

Lol, Stiles asking Scott if he’s attractive to gay guys and the Coach in the last episode asking if it was boy problems implies that Scott is bi. I wonder if they’re actually going to do something with that. 

Also, which one’s Danny, they keep mentioning him. Hold on, let me look him up.

Oh, yeah. He’s cute. Also seems much older than the others.

I know he’s in a hurry, but he didn’t even lock his bike up!

Aww, I like the Vet.

The way that the Sheriff stepped into the doorway was 1000% Linden Ashby channeling Johnny Cage from Mortal Combat.

Lol, Scott trying to bribe his mom with dinner. Though why can’t he borrow Stiles’ Jeep?

While I understand why they had one parent work at the hospital and the other at the police department, it does lend itself to making it seem more like a procedural.

Bad security at this hospital. This is the second time Scott’s been in places he shouldn’t be.

Well that doesn’t bode well, but the guy freaked out at nothing before as well so I can’t read too much into it. Are we voting Fuckface as the attacker or our mysterious third werewolf? Arguments could be made for both.

Wait, hold up. Why his eyes blue? Is it just because his normal eyes are blue and Scott’s are normally brown or is it something else?

Poor puppy. Gotta be a cop dog and also have to deal with Fuckface? Bad life all around.

Uh, wait, no. You didn’t do shit to him, Scott. HE announced YOU to the hunters. HE was violent and skeevy and threatening to YOU, which was why you got him arrested. Like, I understand soft selling because you want his help, but please do not be believing the words you are saying.

Aaaand, I still hate this guy who continues to give no help and actively make Scott’s life worse. Let’s flashback to Kafka again with the whole being treated as monstrous leading someone to become a monster. Like, is that what Fuckface is trying for here? The total corruption of Scott?

DO NOT TRUST HIM. TERRIBLE IDEA. FUCKFACE IS BAD NEWS.

I understand Scott feels trapped between a rock and a hard place, but like, he doesn’t even know if he actually did anything yet. The not knowing is scary, but I feel like you can wait to find the answer. Put a camera in your room while you sleep to make sure you don’t go anywhere. There are options! 

Yeah, I don’t buy that. Obviously Scott wants to know if he’ll hurt Allison, but Fuckface is either blind, stupid or trying to manipulate Scott by saying he doesn’t care about that guy. Scott’s so clearly incredibly compassionate, we’ve both seen it multiple times and heard it from other characters. Don’t let Fuckface manipulate you into being someone you’re not.

Also, walk the scene of the crime is something he could have thought of himself and Fuckface is useless. And, like, not even a villain anymore. At least when he was attacking Scott he was proactive, but ever since he was arrested he’s been very reactive and I don’t like the change.

“Why am I always the guy keeping watch?” Says the guy who’s never been shown as the guy keeping watch.

Okay, the “oh my god,” line reading was pretty funny, but, like, your buddy thinks he murdered someone, maybe now isn’t the time to trivialize things.

Yes, please get your fingerprints all over everything.

Ah, the one time we had someone keeping watch is the one time we needed it. Convenient.

Oh, well, okay, your blood is already all over everything so I guess prints don’t matter.

So we’re thinking mysterious third werewolf, right? And Fuckface is looking for him and for some reason needs Scott’s help to find him?

Theory: Mysterious werewolf killed Laura, turned Scott and now Fuckface wants revenge and is using Scott to find him or lure him or something.

Wow, if that’s the case Fuckface is stupid as fuck. Like seriously, seriously dumb. It would have been so goddamn easy to earn Scott’s trust and get on his good side AND you could have been helping him while he was helping you, but instead you chose to be creepy and violent and manipulative and murderous. To a kid.

Ugh, okay, focus. Scott is not a murderer, and everyone’s happy.

Okay, look. At least half the time Scott is fucking with Stiles when he goes completely deadpan, right? Because his face sometimes twitches like he’s trying not to laugh at how affronted Stiles is, and it tickles me.

Lol at Lydia being all flirty with the dad. Points to the dad for not reacting at all. We need more of that in teen shows. I mean, we still don’t like the dad for shoot first ask questions later, but he gets points for that.

Oooh, Allison has moves. I love that for her. The fact that the hat stayed on kills me though.

Why would the bowling alley let them in if there was a curfew? Not very responsible.

Ugh, I hate Jackson. You’d think if he was sooooo competitive about bowling he’d not be hanging on Lydia like that.

I appreciate Allison standing up for Scott.

Oh boy, two people I don’t like or care about facing off against each other. Whosoever shall I root for?

It’s always a little bit funny to see someone doing something ordinary, but trying to be menacing about it.

So, we’ve established that Argent knows about Fuckface and his family, but we still don’t know exactly what pulled Argent to Beacon Hills. You have to wonder if Argent knows what happened with the fire (was involved with the fire?) that killed the rest of the Hales. If they were all like Fuckface I can only imagine that they had a lot of enemies though.

The gas station attendant watching this whole confrontation from inside with chips in one hand and a phone in the other with 911 already dialed.

Why is Lydia like this? I mean I don’t care about Jackson’s feelings, but doing this right in front of Allison is extraordinarily bad behavior. Scott and Allison should just leave, honestly.

Lol at Scott being like, yeah, no, I’m good here.

She sucks for his benefit, but also can’t stop antagonizing him. Ugly, toxic relationship. Is this just to contrast to how sweet Allison and Scott are in comparison or are we going to eventually see some depth in these other characters? Because I’m already at the point where I don’t even see why Allison is friends with them.

Scott has like five antagonists in this show. This kid needs a break.

Okay, so mysterious werewolf is another Hale, right? Except, hold up. Why would another Hale kill Laura? And why would they not contact Fuckface? I mean, I know I wouldn’t want to deal with him, but still.

This only contributes to my theory that all the Hales are terrible.

Yeah, sure, kill the dude. That tracks as a Hale thing to do.

I think it’s adorable that he said ‘hang out again’. Like, he was so despairing at the beginning because that was a friend phrase and not a romantic one, but he’s willing to meet her where she’s at, and she’s the one who says date and asks it to be just the two of them.

Doesn’t she have to sneak back in again because of curfew?

“Do either of you even play baseball?!” Funny, but bro, you gotta stop breaking into their house. This kid lacks all the personal boundaries and that would drive me insane.

Fuckface once again being the worst. I just can’t get over how violent he’s being to a kid. Like he’s a kid, and he hasn’t done anything wrong!

Fuckface deserved that, but kick him in the balls next time too.

I would like to remind everyone that this is an adult man fighting with a child because a) he’s a murderous villain or b) he can’t use his words so is choosing violence against a child.

So it’s option B and Fuckface is not only criminally violent but also the stupidest person alive. Got it.

Derek, this literally could have been a conversation over a cup of coffee, but you made this into three weeks of hell for this kid for no fucking reason.

Oh. Great. Alphas and betas. Yeah, this is totally not going to go to a stupid, fake, wolf pack hierarchy place.

On a brief production note, I’ve hated the way they’ve done the majority of these flashbacks.

Scott, the enemy of the enemy is not your friend. Don’t forget he’s a fuckface and cannot be trusted.

[ladyknightellen]

First time doing WIP Wednesday!!

I got tagged by: @junebugclaremontdiaz @anincompletelist and @nocoastposts Thanks for the tags y’all!!

For this first WIP Wednesday post, I’ve decided to share a snippet from the fic that I’ve been calling ‘The one where they’re both disabled’ and in addition to that snippet, I can officially stop calling it that and call it by its because I finally decided on the title!!!!

This is (tentatively) the opening scene for:

I Don’t Need Wings To Fly

“Hey Mom, can I go into Publix while you’re in the bank?” June asks

“This is the third time you’ve asked to go to the grocery store this week June, what did you forget this time?”

“Nothing, I just um…I just wanted to get some candy.” Ellen stares at June with one eyebrow raised and one hand planted on her hip, studying her daughter.

“You’re going to look at those trashy tabloids again aren’t you?”

“There are worse hobbies I could have Mom,” She says with a shrug, not bothering to deny it. “You should be grateful for that.”

“Alright, fair point, but take Alex with you. Y’all can get some snacks, and grab a loaf of bread while you’re at it,” She says, pulling a $10 bill out of her wallet and handing it to June. “And get me some M&M’s”

Alex follows June down the sidewalk and into the grocery store, where she immediately makes a beeline for the aisle with the magazine racks.

“Go get the bread and I’ll meet you in the candy aisle.” She tells him, already flipping through a magazine. Alex rolls his eyes at her even though she’s not even paying attention to him anymore. He coasts lazily towards the bread aisle, pushing one wheel at a time so that his chair follows a meandering zig-zag pattern. June will be a while, so he’s not in a hurry, and he certainly doesn’t want to sit there waiting while she babbles about celebrity nonsense. Well, not unless it involves Prince Henry, but he’s certainly not about to tell that to June.

He’s just about to grab the bread when he hears footsteps racing towards him and he turns to find June racing towards him, a magazine clutched to her chest and her eyes wide in shock.

“Who died June?” Her only response is a tiny shake of her head as she drops the magazine into his lap with the cover facing him and points to a picture in the top corner. It’s a picture of Prince Henry playing polo, and for a split second, he doesn’t understand the look on June’s face; then he reads the caption. ‘Prince Henry’s Tragic Accident’ Alex feels like he’s going to be sick as he flips to the designated page number, his heart pounding in his ears as he reads the article.

Royal Family Breaks Silence After Prince Henry’s Tragic Accident

‘For the first time since Prince Henry was thrown from his horse during a practice polo match on Saturday afternoon, details about the Prince’s condition are now finally being released. Sources have confirmed that the Prince has suffered a spinal cord injury that has left him paralyzed below the waist. According to our sources, his doctors are not optimistic about his chances for recovery.’

There’s more to the article, but Alex can’t bring himself to finish it, mainly because it’s invasive details about Henry’s hospital stay and eventual rehab and Alex has no desire to read that.

“You okay?” June asks.

“Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be okay.” His response is far too snappy for her to believe him.

“Don’t look at me like that Alex, I know you’re obsessed with him.”

“I am not!” June just rolls her eyes.

“Did you think I didn’t notice you sneaking in my room to look at my magazine? There’s not exactly anyone else in the house that would leave wheel indentations in the carpet.”

“Alright, fine, yes I was looking at your magazine, sue me. But, why wouldn't I be okay? It’s not like I know him or anything.”

“Maybe not, but you look like you’re either going to be sick or punch someone.” Alex doesn’t know what to say to that, because she’s read him like a book just like she always has.

“It just feels so depressing to see. There’s pictures and all his private medical details and everything. It hasn’t even been a week and there’s magazines halfway around the world for anyone to read. I just…I don’t know…I just thought about what it would be like to have people I don’t even know be able to pick up a magazine and read my medical records.”

“Yeah, like, everyone in the world knows what happened to him and he might not even know yet. I’m sure he’s still kind of out of it you know?” June has picked up the magazine from his lap and now she’s staring at the pictures like she can’t tear her eyes away.

“Don’t look at them,” Alex says, grabbing the magazine back from her and holding it to his chest like he can stop everyone in the world from seeing it just by keeping this one tabloid away from everyone.

“Sorry Alex, I didn’t–” June says, but she doesn’t seem to know what else to say.

“It’s fine, I’ll just…I’ll go put it back, you get the bread and the candy. I’ll meet you at the checkout.” His voice sounds hallow even to his own ears, but June doesn’t say anything else; she just nods and walks silently alongside him with the loaf of bread dangling down by her side.

Alex doesn’t put the magazine back on the shelf, but he doesn’t pay for it either. He shoves it down between his leg and the side of his chair to hide it from view. He’s not sure what makes him want to keep the magazine, he doesn’t plan on reading it, ever, but he can bring himself to put it back. He also doesn’t want anyone to make money off of Henry’s tragedy, even though logically he knows that one magazine won’t make a difference, he refuses to pay for it.

[axel-skz]

I dream we will meet again…

Part 1

I’M SORRY THIS TOOK ME SOO LONG!! I’M STRUGGLING SO MUCH IRL RN!! I’M SO UNINSPIRED RIGHT NOW! I’m not gonna lie about a song roulette… I feel too dead inside to reach for my ipad and do it so I’ll give you, youtiful. Because you are.

V He judging you if you’re mean to me ;) V

You decided against your better judgment to let hyunjin in… you were scared of what could happen after this especially since your will was always weak when it came to him. You loved him more then you could ever comprehend. It took you by surprise sometimes.

You had to keep your head on straight and stay focused on why you guys broke up.

NO GUILT! YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!

You went in and he walked over to put your stuff in the kitchen.

You gestured for him to sit on the sofa as you headed over and put the ice cream in the freezer.

‘Ok… so umm… I was concerned when you called me…’

‘So? you could’ve texted me?’

‘I wanted to but I got busy and I was in the area today anyway. Are you doing alright?’

You went over to sit across form him, ‘I’m fine.’

‘You don’t seem fine-’

‘If I’m not, I’ll be fine. In time,’ you seemed snappy. But it’s only fair isn’t it?

‘Y/N, I’m here because I care. I want to be here for you. I can see from your face you haven’t been sleeping. You never use to be awake past 11 but you called me at like 3 am.’

‘Everyone struggles ok? And if I recall, you picked up that call so you were awake too. Worry about yourself and I’ll do the same. We don’t need to be looking after each other anymore.’

‘I want to look out for you… I know ive messed up again and again but I never stopped caring about you-’

‘No, no, no, no! Don’t even with the caring bs right now. You took time out of your day to do art and whatever else extra you had going on. There were times you were out to dinners and I didn’t even know about it. I get that it was your ‘relaxing time’ but why couldn’t you relax with me? If you can’t be in a relationship, don’t be.’

You could feel your blood boiling. It made you so angry. All of this was bull shit. Life was supposed to be hard for a bit but then you find the love of your life and it gets easier. You live happily ever after. What the hell kind of happy ever after is this.

He looked down while he fidgeted with his hands, he didn’t know what kind of a solution they were supposed to come up with. ‘I don’t know how to do this… how we can fix this… but I can’t not be with you…’

‘Maybe… we can be friends… I can’t see right now how we can ever be more then that…’

I’m sorry for anyone who is waiting rn. I genuinely am. I can’t put into words how much I’m struggling rn. Love you for being here :)

Pls like and repost.

[blue-chimera]

I've been working on something about the role of prejudice in cycles of violence & how we see that play out in Supernatural. Meanwhile, I've been having fascinating conversations here about sex, misogyny, consent, gender performance, etc. (especially in regard to Dean) that have challenged me to think more carefully about where I draw various moral lines, as well as the meaning/importance/function of accountability in society at large (what "counts" & why that matters).

After one of these, it occurred to me that I've been called an apologist in a lot of different contexts, & I wanted to reflect on what a critic might call my instinct to "make excuses" for other people's moral transgressions. Reflecting brought me to the conclusion that I see empathy & understanding as more useful products of discourse than accountability or allocation of blame, so I wanted to talk a little bit about the impact of these on character analysis as I see it.

[To be clear, I'm deliberately differentiating between impact in discourse vs. the role of these things in society, because that's a much more complex topic. So this is not directly related to any previous discussion — just a tangent off a tangent!]

I'm not sure if this is the most useful way to think about these kinds of things, but I tend to view allocating blame to others as easy. If you want to get biblical: we'll see the splinter in someone else's eye & miss the plank in our own. Or, to get more scientific, it's the Fundamental Attribution Error (FAE) at work. We see our own behaviors as primarily driven by our circumstances (I was just snappy because I was sitting in traffic for the last 2 hrs — not to mention this terrible headache. Anyone would be snappy after that!) & other people's behaviors as primarily driven by immutable internal characteristics (wow, that dude's impatient; geez, that lady's mean).

So, how does this impact our understanding of other people (real & fictional)? Well...

The FAE makes us feel like we're passing judgment appropriately & just holding others to the same standards we're holding ourselves to, but most of the time, without realizing it, we're passing judgments on others that we'd never pass on ourselves. It's the natural result of the fact that we have extremely limited knowledge of other people's circumstances (including both external factors, like an ongoing divorce, and internal ones, like feeling sick that day) and extremely detailed knowledge of our own circumstances.

So, when we judge ourselves, we do so in a holistic way that accounts for all these details (as there's no way to just set that knowledge aside). But when we judge others, we have to actively imagine (or seek out knowledge of) the circumstances impacting them if we want to judge them with the same ruler (and thereby possibly exonerate them). Meanwhile, because we don't have to do this "extra work" to comfortably exonerate ourselves, it can feel like it's not part of a fair judgment, it's "a reach," or that motivated reasoning is spurring that extra work, when it's really just an attempt to level the playing field.

To sum up the above: I think our natural instinct is to err on the side of attributing things to someone's personality that should be attributed more to their circumstances, and so I push a little harder than most people in the other direction to try to correct for this. Now, this perspective might lead me to ultimately make more mistakes, but it doesn't feel like I'm wildly overcorrecting. (Of course, how would I know?)

However, even if I am, there might still be sufficient value in this approach to justify doing so. (More on this in Part 2: Who cares if we're "fair" to fictional characters? What's the value gained here, anyway — especially if it turns out that this approach does lead to overcorrecting?)

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

So, I’m back

Tentatively, at least.  I’m going to give it a try, I guess is what I should say, but I don’t want to do that without acknowledging some of what happened in May.  This is going to be a long post, so as a very loose outline I’m going to start with the overall Tumblr shit, the May stuff, and my decision to go awol for almost six months.  After that, I’m going to talk a bit about the CK situation, and then at the end I’m going to outline my general plan going forward. (but, this is a very very long post, so I’ll be putting a lot of it under a cut)

First and foremost, I’m sorry.  I know that I have hurt a lot of people, I have been inconsiderate, stubborn, and prideful, and although it was never my intention to hurt anyone, it doesn’t undo the harm that I’ve caused to people that I care very much about.  There is nothing that I can say that will erase that damage, but I am so incredibly sorry all the same.  None of what I’m going to say in the rest of this post undoes the hurt that I’ve caused.  I can offer explanations, apologies, and plans for moving forward, but I’m not looking to pretend that nothing happened.  All I can say is that I am truly sorry to everyone who I hurt.

I never copied an oc or an edit on purpose. That doesn't mean there were never similarities between my creations/ocs and other people's, whether that be total coincidence or having seen/been inspired by others' work unconsciously, and I am sorry that when people would contact me about issues like this, I would get really defensive. That wasn't right of me, especially to shut down conversation about it when i know creators love their ocs and work so hard on their projects and are so close to them. 

It’s not fair for me to dictate how people express their concerns, but I know that much of my pushback and defence came when confronted point blank with "you copied/stole from me", because I did feel attacked. My immediate reaction was always harsh and emotional, that no, I can’t steal an idea when I didn’t know existed, and I didn't go looking for things to copy. That defensiveness has definitely made me shut down conversations where I’d probably have been better off responding “hey, definitely wasn’t deliberate, didn’t know you had something similar, can we talk about this more so I can make changes and make them more different ?". I would feel attacked, and get my back up, that people would say these things to me. I like to think that I responded better to messages like “hey, I’m uncomfortable with how similar these are” or “hey, I started x trend and you should credit me”, and I do have people who I worked this out with like that, but I also understand that some might feel differently, and it wasn't fair of me to base my accountability and courtesy on the criteria of how nicely someone who probably felt defensive and hurt in their own right approached me about it.

I’m not planning to make any further posts on the subject because it’s admittedly a big complicated mess and there’s a lot to say, so I tried to touch on all of the basics here, but for anyone who would like to talk more about anything in this post (or about anything else, really), my DMs are open and I’m happy to talk. I’m not going to pretend that this one post erases everything that has happened, I know that it doesn’t, but I don’t think that I can achieve anything more in messy public posts; I really feel that anything more can only really happen in proper conversations.

I’m not looking to talk shit or unpack a bunch of drama or anything, so I’m going to keep this part very short.  On a personal level, in early May I had only just started a new job and was working, on average, 16-18 hours a day.  I was waking up between 6 and 7 every morning for the first job, then getting home around 2 from the second, with barely enough time in between to have a meal and get changed.  I was tired and snappy and overwhelmed as can be without including anything from Tumblr. I will be the first to admit that I was not in a particularly good place, so when everything started, I got incredibly defensive.  Obviously external circumstances don’t justify my behaviour and I hate that I hurt someone that I considered a close friend, but that was where things started.  

From there I don’t know everything that happened, I assume that various conversations were going on that I wasn’t a part of, but I received very hurtful messages from a few people I had considered among my best friends.  By then I was already regretting how I’d handled the initial situation and was just too hurt and stubborn to admit it, but I didn’t want to hurt anyone else or cause more damage by lashing out again, so I quit Tumblr.  I deleted the app from my phone during a shift after getting these messages and when I got home from work I unfollowed every oc blog that I’d been following, signed out, and closed Tumblr on my computer.  I know that my decision to unfollow everyone also hurt people, and I’m so so so fucking sorry that I didn’t communicate with anyone before (or, frankly, after) doing so – it boiled down to the fact that I knew that I wouldn’t be able to completely leave Tumblr if the urge to “oh just take a quick look and see what’s going on” was still there.  I’m very good at justifying myself and I would have convinced myself that it was always just once or just to check on [all of my friends].  I knew that I needed a clean break and work through things for myself and on my own time first so that I could then approach things calmly and with an open mind, and while I don’t regret taking that hiatus, I absolutely regret being so callous and inconsiderate with how I did it.

And, I won’t deny, I was also feeling extremely hurt and needed to leave for my own wellbeing. I know that I was defensive and dismissive myself, but seeing what I thought was an argument with a friend turn into dozens of posts about everything apparently wrong with me was overwhelming and hurtful and I knew that staying online through that would only make me more defensive and more inclined to lash out.  I understand that some people felt that I wasn’t hearing them out privately and felt that this was the best way to communicate and I can’t hold that against them, but I still believe that it was entirely uncalled for that people who I’d never once talked to were jumping on this bandwagon and making statements as if they were involved.  I’m not looking to deflect blame for the hurt that I caused, but quite frankly I was not the only person who reacted badly during that time period and I’m not looking to pretend that I wasn’t incredibly hurt by other people’s actions as well.

I definitely wasn’t planning to take almost six months off, but once I started the hiatus, I started to realize two things.  First of all, my mental health and presence in my own life was so much better without Tumblr, and second of all, that the particular inciting incident was really just a side effect of a much bigger problem in my overall relationship with Tumblr, and I realized that there was no way that I could return until I’d really figured out the roots of the problem and how to fix it.  After all, I can apologize all I want for what happened (and as flippant as this may sound, I really am incredibly sorry), but it would be completely worthless if I didn’t take the time to improve my behaviours and figure out how to avoid repeating toxic patterns.  I kind of lucked out in that some shit was going on in my workplace (some shit with a coworker and extensive shit with my manager; I’ve now quit that job and I’m much happier for it) that, while different, stemmed from a lot of the same places in my head, which made it much easier to start identifying those issues.  After that, it was really a matter of figuring out practical solutions and making sure that I was in a position to return to Tumblr without falling back into shitty behaviour and hurting other people and, frankly, damaging my own mental health again.  That took a lot longer but I’ve started to build a plan for it, which is just a little bit further down!

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.

So, that’s the summary of May and why I disappeared.  But, the other thing that happened in May (though admittedly not a factor in the hiatus) was the Codename Kryptonite situation, so I’m going to touch on that next.  This is going to be even more rambly because frankly (as will be very clear) my brain was a fucking mess with all of it and I can barely process it let alone explain it, but I’d rather give a very messy disjointed explanation than totally ignore it.

So, the long story short of it is yes, that was me.

Honestly, the CK stuff was something that spiralled far more than I meant for it to until I didn't know what to do. I'd made it with just the intention of working on original stuff separate from my fanfic stuff and related drama.  At the time, original work also didn’t get much traction in the oc community, so it was intended to me more of a writerblr situation.  Then people were talking to me which I hadn’t really planned for and I got a couple of asks about fandom ocs and was kind of like "okay i guess?" which is where the fandom oc stuff started.  I was just trying to engage with people’s creations and generally be positive because I didn’t want to seem like a bitch who posted my own shit but ignored everyone else, but then people started actually talking to me too (outside of the handful of people who knew it was me, so I never had concerns about talking to them) and I started to feel like not responding/trying to be friends would be bitchy and hurt people, so I went along with it and told myself I’d just be nice but didn’t need to be Super Social. Like I wouldn’t ignore people but I wouldn’t go out of my way to start conversations either. 

But the longer that went on, the more of a disconnect there was in my brain where like, ik this does sound ridiculous, but it did start to feel almost like being two different people, including interacting with other blogs (in messages, asks, giveaways, and posts) as if they were two entirely different people.  Obviously this wasn’t the slightest bit okay and I am so fucking sorry to everyone who I hurt in the process.  There is no good justification for it, all that I can say is that I never meant to hurt or betray anyone and I’m so sorry.  Rather than make the reasonable judgement that there was clearly a bigger fucking problem and that it should be a sign that I needed to step back from everything, I dug my heels in further and devoted myself even more to working on CK-and-related content. I’m not even sure why, but it felt like the right choice at the time — except the more that I dug that hole, the harder it was to take a step back, even when there was a part of me that knew that I needed to. Looking back it’s really obvious that it was unhealthy and harmful, both to myself and the people around me, but even when it was killing me to try to stay on top of two blogs, I couldn’t figure out how to just like… stop.  

I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense and definitely doesn’t make it okay, but my intention was never to hurt or betray anyone and I really truly hate that I did. Taking a full break from tumblr for a while now has definitely helped me realize how much of a toxic cycle it had become (partially externally but a whole lot of it was obviously self made) which is why I took so long figuring out how to go back without falling back into those patterns, which is the last thing that I'd ever want to do. 

I hurt a lot of people that I really care about on tumblr, but my relationship with the whole oc creation thing (not the community specifically but the way that I handled creating ocs and pushing myself to create so many edits) was also damaging to myself and a lot of my irl relationships, and I think that a lot of it is stuff that like... in the many, many moments I couldn't see how out of hand things had gotten (not just with the ck/fanhub stuff but also with my main, my mental health, and my online and irl relationships) but now that I have some distance from it it's like, so blatant.  I don’t mean any of this in a "i hope that makes sense bc i'm right and blameless" or whatever because like, i know it was fucked up and entirely my fault, but I hope I did a halfway comprehensible job of explaining what I'm still trying to work through/understand.  And again, to everyone that I hurt, I’m so sorry.  There’s not much more that I can say because obviously there isn’t a good excuse, but I promise that my intention was never to hurt, mislead, or betray anyone.

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So… what does this mean now?

Tbh, answering that question is what’s taken me the longest in coming back.  Like, okay, figuring out what some problems are is great and all, but it’s not worth much if I can’t figure out a way to fix them.  So I tried to look at a few of the main problems that I’ve had, and I have a few things that I’m going to be trying.  This is not an exclusive list, and I am definitely open to suggestions (I’ll talk more about that in point 5/6), but this is both an outline for you all to know that I’m not just talking out of my ass saying that I’ll change and then doing the exact same shit, and a guideline to myself of concrete ways to try to improve, both for myself and the rest of this community.

1. Less giveaways.  I’m not saying none ever again, but I need to cut back.  This isn’t something that’s exclusive to Tumblr by any means (tbh I became aware of it because of an issue with a coworker and then realized I’ve done it my entire life including on Tumblr) but I have a desperate need to feel liked and in order to achieve it, I end up constantly doing things for people to try to convince them to like me, only to then get incredibly burned out and end up resentful of feeling like people only use me to get things. I love to surprise people with gifts, but I need to change how I approach that.  I might still do giveaways on occasion (maybe for milestones, tbd) but I’m going to focus more on being supportive to the friends that I do have instead of trying to convince people who don’t care that they should like me.  I’m going to try to stick to making surprise gifts when the inspiration strikes and, when the usual giveaway urge strikes, I’m going to try to reach out to those people and ask what they’d like instead of overwhelming myself to the point that I can no longer enjoy what I’m doing.

I don’t mean this to be petty or to “punish” anyone, not in the slightest.  But I spent so long hosting giveaways to convince people I’d never interacted with to like me and I put so much energy into making gifts for people who only tolerated me at best and in the process I lost sight of the friends who were actually there for me, and of my own limits (both mentally and in my time and ability to create).  I’m not looking to stop making gifts for people, not even close, but I need to learn that friendship isn’t transactional – I can’t, and shouldn’t, put so much time into making gifts as a bribe to get people to like me.  It’s not healthy or realistic, and I’d much rather spend my time doing things for people who’s friendship isn’t conditional and who I want to show my appreciation for. 

2. Limiting my posting.  As some of you know, I spent about two years following an absurdly intense edit schedule that had me posting three or four times a day every day.  In retrospect, that was bullshit.  I convinced myself that if I just posted more and more, it would get more people interested and engaging with my content, and I was hilariously wrong.  I ended up incredibly burned out and stressed trying to keep up with it, by trying to rush through it my edits ended up mediocre and repetitive, and I overwhelmed everyone else with edits to the point that no one (including me) could even really enjoy any of it, not to mention that often by the time I reached an edit in the list, I would have totally lost inspiration for that oc .  

My logic started out strong; I had other shit going on and couldn’t always be editing and I’m painfully indecisive at times, so having a schedule meant that I could have edits ready ahead of time when I knew I’d be away from my computer and I wouldn’t lose all of my time trying to decide what to do, but it got out of hand (a recurring theme of this post, so something I’m very very focused on improving). I’ve spent the past few months only editing when I’m really inspired by something, and it’s been so much better.  I’m having fun, I’m learning a few new techniques, and I think that my edits are turning out all the better for it.  So, that’s what I’m going to try to keep doing.  I have a list of edit ideas already, 50 of which are done and drafted, so I will be putting those into a queue (for only once a day now) and continuing to edit only as inspiration strikes.  

My hope is that having so many edits already done will limit my anxiety about needing to churn out more content and will allow me to instead continue to have fun and follow my muse.  I haven’t decided if new ideas will be jumped to the top of the queue or simply added to the bottom (probably some of both), but ideally this will not only allow me to enjoy my own work again but will also make it easier to spend time enjoying others’ creations without feeling like I’m somehow slacking or wasting time by not constantly pushing myself to make more.

3. Limiting my availability.  One of the external factors in my initial decision to leave Tumblr was that I was just too fucking overwhelmed.  At the time, I had only just started a new job and was working, on average, 16-18 hours a day.  I was waking up between 6 and 7 every morning for the first job, then getting home around 2 from the second, with barely enough time in between to have a meal and get changed.  Obviously this doesn’t excuse anything, and I’m not trying to, but it’s a fact.  When I’m that overwhelmed and exhausted to begin with, it’s impossible for me to stay rational and reasonable here on Tumblr, and the extent to which everything here was overwhelming me was having a severe impact on my mental health and job performance, which is what led to my deleting Tumblr mid shift in the first place.  Obviously, I don’t want that to happen again, so I’m going to work to set boundaries for myself.  While my edits will run on queue and I might mindlessly reblog things to my main throughout the day, I’m going to limit how much time I dedicate to Tumblr, and particularly this blog.  

I am back to only working one job now (thank god) but it still takes up a lot of time, I have offline hobbies, and some of the best friends I’ve ever had.  Prior to my hiatus, I was always on Tumblr.  During my breaks (sometimes during shifts, too), while with my family, while with my friends, I felt that people would get mad if I didn’t make myself constantly available and so I did.  Going forward, I’m going to greatly reduce that.  I’m not going to use Tumblr at all at work (including on my breaks) or when I’m with my friends, and I’m just generally going to spend less time online.  This will make me slower to respond to people, which is something that has always caused me anxiety, but I feel that it is imperative for my wellbeing that I do not let Tumblr become all encompassing again.

4. Scrapping ocs.  Look, if we’re talking about things that have gotten out of hand, we all know that this is at the top of the list. Obviously I have a lot of ideas, and I don’t regret that, but there are so many that I know I’ll never ever use.  Plot bunnies that I just don’t care about, times that I went “oh that would be cool” but had no real ideas, fcs that I wanted to use just for the sake of using them, fandoms I’m no longer into… there are a lot of reasons that they exist, but it only adds to my feeling overwhelmed and burning everyone else out.  So, I went through all of my masterlists and made lists of ocs to scrap.  Some will just be completely deleted (I won’t rule out the possibility of getting reinspired, but I think it’s unlikely), while others will be put on hiatus.  

The ones that I’m getting rid of will be removed from all of my masterlists (maybe one day I’ll look at making a plot bunny book/auction so that they don’t go completely to waste and other people can use them), and the ones being put on hiatus will be deleted from my mobile master lists and marked as Inactive on my desktop masterlists.  Those are ones that I feel more likely to eventually want to go back to, hence not deleting them completely, but that I’m unlikely to work on in the near future.  I think that it will be good for me to get used to the idea that not every oc needs to be forever, as that has been an ongoing source of difficulty for me for quite some time. 

(my mobile masterlists are already updated accordingly and I have the codes ready for my desktop masterlists, I’m just waiting to have javascript enabled — but I also plan to go back through masterlists regularly to see if, with time, there aren’t more ocs that I’m ready to table)

5. Communication.  I’m going to be honest here, I know that I’m prone to being stubborn and self righteous and that I lash out when I feel cornered or attacked.  It’s a part of who I am and it’s something that I’ve been working on for a long time, but that doesn’t mean that I’m perfect at it.  So, basically, this is something that I’m going to keep working on.  And that means setting some boundaries.  First and foremost, I will not be engaging with any hateful anons.  If you have something to say to me, put your name behind it.  And with that, I will not be engaging in serious conversations through asks.  I just don’t think that the format is good for real conversations – my DMs are open and I’m always happy to share my discord, but that will be it.  And I know that not everyone will like this choice.  I think asks are great for a lot of things, and they can be a great place for chit chat, but I don’t think that it’s suited to important conversations.  

I’m also going to connect this with my being less available – I’m not looking to ignore messages, but I’m not online 24/7, and I will respond when I have time.  I might also need to take time to think about things.  In these situations, when I am online and see the message, I will acknowledge them.  It might be as simple as “hey, I’m not ignoring you but I only have a few minutes, I’ll get back to you when I have time to talk!” or (one I do wish I’d used in the past) “feeling [hurt/angry/surprised/etc], let me take a day/two days to think about this so that I can chat with a clear head”.  I know that the second one likely seems like a copout, but like I said, I get mean when I feel defensive, and the best way for me to manage that is to take a step back and actually think about what someone is saying, that way I’m almost guaranteed to be able to think clearly and see their perspective instead of lashing out.  I’m hoping to eventually reach a point where I can do that without needing the extra time, but I’m not there yet and I would rather take time than hurt anyone.  

6. Accountability.  This is kind of a continuation of the last point, but I felt like it was time for a paragraph break.  Like I said, I’m not unaware of my flaws, and I know that just because I never meant to hurt people doesn’t mean that I never did.  But I want to do better, and that means taking accountability for my actions.  So, this is an invitation, I guess?  If I have hurt you (or if I do in the future, no matter how hard I’ll try not to), please feel free to reach out to me to talk things through.  I know that I already said this, but I’m working on taking a step back and considering my actions before simply lashing out, and I know that there is existing baggage to unpack and work to be done in that regard, and for people who would like to, the offer stands.  However, I’m not going to reach out to anyone myself at this point.  I know that I’ve hurt people and I know that there are people who, by this point, would prefer to simply have nothing to do with me, and I don’t want to disregard anyone’s boundaries who have moved on and don’t want to unpack old wounds.  While there are many people that I miss and would love to fix things with, it’s not just about me and I want to respect everyone’s choice on what’s best for them to move forward.  But with all of that, I am not going to discuss things with third parties.  Anyone who would like to discuss general hurts or concerns is more than welcome of course, but anything that has happened between myself and any specific person is something that is exclusively between me and them.  I know that this will be an unpopular take, but I have limited faith in the third party side of things now.  Over the years I have received asks and messages from supposed well-meaning bystanders trying to bring up conflicts that don’t exist.  

There have been some that try to cause drama with people who I knew didn’t feel certain ways, bringing up “issues” that had long since been talked out, and many other instances where people were clearly just trying to start fights that I don’t wish to fuel.  I also just don’t want to talk about people behind their backs.  Over the years (and not just relating to Tumblr) I have gotten caught up in friend groups where a lot of time is spent complaining about other people, only to then look back and realize that I have no idea what someone else’s relationship with them is – I don’t want to let other people’s anger and resentment serve as a fuel to my own pettiness anymore, and I believe that the first step to that is to simply not talk about anyone with other people.  There are still people that I want to reach out to individually to apologize and (only if they’re willing) talk things out, but I won’t be doing that immediately.  Just because I’ve had the past several months to reflect on how I’d feel and what I’d like to say, and to mentally prepare for a return to tumblr, doesn’t mean that everyone else has too.  Which isn't to say that I won't ever reach out to anyone but I'd rather give people a bit of time too.  Just because I'm ready (or ready ish) to be back on tumblr doesn't mean that everyone is going to be ready or want to talk to me and I don't want to make anyone feel cornered or pressured to reply if they either want time to think about my post themselves or just want to move on and leave everything in the past, so I’ve made a personal timeline (shared with a friend to maintain some accountability to it) so that I can give people a chance to actually know that I’m back online and to think (if they’d like) about this post rather than reaching out when people might not even know that I’ve returned at the risk of catching people off guard or making them feel uncomfortable and/or cornered.

With this, I’m also offering this list as an outline of how I’m hoping to improve.  If anyone has constructive suggestions (I know I’m hardly the only person who’s ever struggled with various aspects of Tumblr and engaging in this community), please feel free to send them over (privately or as asks or on anon, whatever works for you!) and while I can’t guarantee that everything will be right for me, I will absolutely give them consideration.  And, too, with this list as a bit of a guide, if you notice that I’m starting to stray from this or fall into old behaviours or fuck up in any way – I’m hoping not to but it would be beyond conceited to pretend that I’m incapable of mistakes – please feel free to let me know!  All that I can do is try to be better, but I’m not infallible and the best way to do this is to catch onto toxic patterns before I can spiral, and help in that regard is always appreciated

7. Following.  Relating to one of the points that I made in the last paragraph, I’m not going to go back and start following everyone right now.  As I mentioned much earlier, I feel that my decision to unfollow everyone and leave Tumblr with no warning was rash and not entirely thought out, but it did happen, and it did hurt people.  I don’t want to just act like nothing ever happened and everything is hunky dory, and I’m sure that there are people that I previously followed who would prefer to have nothing to do with me anymore.  I respect that and I’m not looking to force anyone into rekindling friendships that they no longer want, but that does mean that to avoid that, I’m going to be careful with following.  I don’t know how to phrase it in a way that doesn’t sound petty or selfish but basically like, at least for now (at until I’ve been able to talk to people who want to talk), I’m only going to be following people who are either following me, engaging with my content, or who I’ve talked to.  I don’t know how best to gauge this in the long term, but for now that’s kind of the only benchmark I have to know who might be comfortable with my presence, and I’d rather be very slow and careful about this than make anyone uncomfortable who doesn’t want me following

.

.

I can’t promise that this is the perfect recipe.  I won’t know without trying.  But I am going to try.  Not only do I want to actually be able to enjoy Tumblr again, but I hate knowing that I hurt people that I really really care about because I was careless and too stubborn to consider that I should change.  So, I’m going to do my best to stick with these changes and to let myself be held accountable when I fuck up.  And it might not work, I might find that this is all great in theory but returning to Tumblr pulls me back into toxic mindsets and behaviours, in which case I will need to take another step back and reconsider again.  But I do promise that if that happens, I will stick to my communication goals and inform people of my decision instead of simply ghosting again.

Again, I’m sorry.  I know that doesn’t make up for anything that’s happened and I can never say it again, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t need and deserve to be said.  I’m sorry.

(and a sorry to everyone I’ve ignored over the past several months, I’m going to start working on getting back to people asap!)

[blu-joons]

BEST FRIEND WINNER A⇴Z HEADCANON ⇴ Song Minho

A ⇴ ATTENTION

He likes to know that you’re paying attention and so Minho will want your attention more than you want his. You’re the person that he wants to have listening to him the most and caring about what he has to say.

B ⇴ BICKER

You both have your moments when you want your own way, and bicker to let the other person know that too. You can squabble like kids when you both feel really passionate about what you want and try and disagree with the other person that what they want definitely isn’t as good as what you want.

C ⇴ COMFORT

He hates seeing you upset, and although Minho isn’t the best at comforting, he’ll always try his best when it comes to you. Every time when you get upset around Minho, you can expect an arm around your shoulders as he lets you know that he’s there whilst you vent, sob, or anything else that you want to do.

D ⇴ DISAGREEMENTS

Out of the two of you, Minho was the more likely to cause conflict as he had the shorter temper from time to time. He can get a little snappy when he’s getting stressed about work or worrying about the things that he has to do. But you know that once he’s had his snap, Minho will always apologise as he knows that whatever happened between the two of you stemmed from him getting annoyed.

E ⇴ EARLY YEARS

It took a little bit of time for your friendship to build, at the start there was definitely a little bit of awkwardness between the two of you. You weren’t necessarily hesitant around each other, but you wanted to get a better understanding of one another before you completely let your guards down. It was something that you laughed over now as you wondered why either of you ever got so nervous with the other.

F ⇴ FAMILY

Minho’s family were huge fans of yours, mainly because they knew just how much you meant to Minho too. He talked about you fondly and spoke about you with a wide smile on his face too which was what his family needed to know how much he meant to you. As someone that Minho adored, you were someone that his family adored too, even before they met you, their opinions were all so high towards you.

G ⇴ GETTING TOGETHER

Home was usually where you usually hung out, the two of you both just liked to be in the comfort of your own space. You’d sit in the background if Minho was busy doing something or make yourself at home if he decided to nap, just like how he decided to sprawl out to sleep at your home whenever he was there too.

H ⇴ HABITS

The two of you had a habit of forgetting about plans that you’d made with your friends and making plans just the two of you instead. You weren’t fans of the big and loud social occasions that were sometimes arranged, instead you preferred to just stay at home and watch something with food for just you two.

I ⇴ INSIDE JOKES

Your inside jokes were usually funny things that either of you had done around the other person. With the two of you being so comfortable with one another, you had your fair share of mishaps where one of you had tripped or sometimes said the wrong thing that the other person just wouldn’t let you forget.

J ⇴ JEALOUSY

He didn’t like anyone threatening his spot as your best friend, and Minho wasn’t afraid to let you know that he was jealous whenever anyone did too. He was good at hiding it around every other person, but for Minho he felt that it would be better to let you know how he was feeling about things. You hated him feeling jealous, and whenever he mentioned it to you, you’d be there to reassure him.

K ⇴ KICKS

Minho got a kick out of making you proud and hearing from you that he had done a good job. He loved the fact that you always hyped up his talents and didn’t let him be humble either, as much as he downplayed how good he was at his work and his hobbies, you refused to let him not realise how skilled he was.

L ⇴ LOVE

He loved how easy things were with you, nothing was ever too much trouble for Minho with you around. He would do anything for you, even if you asked him to get you a glass of water after he’d just sat down from getting one for himself. It was anyone else, he would say no, but when you did so much for him, he was more than happy to do the little things that kept your friendship working so well.

M ⇴ MEETING

The two of you first met when you were at school together, although at the time you remembered not being that close. A few years later you bumped into each other again, and started chatting about your old memories, in the end you exchanged numbers and found yourselves meeting up a lot more thereafter.

N ⇴ NONSENSE

You were definitely one of only a few that Minho let his guard down around. He let go around you because there was no pressure, no one telling him what he could do or not do, and no one judging him either.

O ⇴ OBSESSION

Minho was obsessed with how relaxed you were, using you as a calming influence in his life. He took a lot of inspiration from how chilled you were and tried to be as positive as you were as much as he could be.

P ⇴ PRECIOUS MOMENTS

The moments that meant the most to Minho were the ones when he could open up to you and get things off of his chest. He confided in you a lot about the things that were going on in his head, mainly because Minho knew that no one understood and offered advice in reply as well as you did for him.

Q ⇴ QUESTIONS

Your opinion was something that Minho valued a lot and so when he was working on something he would often ask you what you thought. Whether it was music, drawing, or anything else, he loved your view.

R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS

Every year for your birthday, Minho painted you a painting that you could keep, trying his best to paint something that the two of you had done over the year. You were a huge fan of his artwork and never failed to be surprised by the things that he created, treasuring every single year what Minho designed for you.

S ⇴ SUPPORT

If there was one person that Minho could count on to be in his corner, it was definitely you. If he mentioned to you that there was something coming up and that he was nervous about it, you’d make a note and remember to be there for him if you were able to, without telling him in advance that you’d be there.

T ⇴ TRIPS

Usually when you got time off, you both actually loved just taking a trip home. Shutting yourselves away for a while and doing your own things were the only things that the two of you needed. Minho especially loved having you at his place where he was comfortable and hoped that you would be comfortable too.

U ⇴ ULTIMATE

Together the two of you were inseparable, it was known by everyone that the two of you were the best of friends.

V ⇴ VISITS

It brought a smile to his face whenever you decided to Minho when he was being creative. Whether it was music, painting, or anything else, he loved having you there so that he could show you what he was up to.

W ⇴ WISDOM

He tried his best to use his own experiences to be able to offer up the best possible advice that Minho could to you.

X ⇴ XXXX

Usually when the two of you were by yourselves was when you were most affectionate with one another. You didn’t mind sitting close to one another, and definitely wouldn’t be afraid of hugging each other either.

Y ⇴ YOU

You were his favourite, the go-to person for Minho was always you.

Z ⇴ ZZZ

The comfort of home is something that Minho loves and so usually he’ll try and get you to go to his place more than take him to your place when you spend the evening together, as that’s definitely Minho’s favourite spot.

---

Masterlist

[limetameta]

when i saw that why women kill was a story made by the same person who made desperate housewives i was like, huh, let me see where this goes. and i was delighted at moments, horrified at some, and otherwise entertained.

did not feel like desperate housewives to me. felt like something trying to be more. than that show. which fair enough look at all of these years and decades which have passed.

the closest timeline that felt like desperate housewives and the one i was most invested in was beth ann's timeline in the 60s. the 80s timeline felt like some cheap gabrielle solis marries a gay guy 80s fic i was reading and they were very cute together, but i did not find that end any less offensive than if they had outright had aids kill him. wow, 80s, wow, gay guys, wow it's better to have your wife mercy kill you than to throw you out. it was not a story that fit with the narrative of the 2019 and 60s timelines. karl was a good character, but ultimately i can't help but think that his end felt forced and that STILL in media gay men's deaths and existence is used as a pitying tool. rubbed me the wrong way, and you can camouflage it with so many snappy comebacks and edie britt like charm all you want, i didn't have a fun time with this one.

going into s2 of why women kill was interesting for me because the first thing i noticed when i went into the why women kill tag on tumblr was a lot of people's disappointment with it. that it didn't keep with the 3 timeline frame, that it didn't feel true to the show. which, if you were expecting the continuation of those 3 timelines, if you wanted the same character mold with different names and colours - yes, then that's way too different.

but if you want to watch why women kill - then this falls right in with its purview. we follow alma and we focus on her now because we actually get growth and the descent, and all of the consequences of her actions. you don't have your focus split from her by following two more timelines - or whatever it was they tried to do with the 2019 timeline. good idea, but man it was really boring. just like eva needed more proactivity in eli's script, so, too, did the 2019 characters. they're more reactionary. you can even see it in that sequence where all three timelines meld - taylor is on the reactionary side, she's not the one surging forward and doing things, she's defending and reacting to the situation at hand.

but, back to me praising why women kill s2. and i say this with full honesty: i am heavily being influenced by my love of desperate housewives when i say that this s2 felt more true to DH than s1. I love Alma. Truly feels like one of the characters in Wisteria Lane come to life. Whether this is a good thing for the show itself or not, at least she's entertaining to follow along. At least there's a clear arc. Just like with Beth Ann. That's why I call these the two strongest characters of the series so far.

anyway, these are my thoughts. i don't expect anyone else to agree nor disagree.

season 2? banging. i love it. all of these characters are so awful they're the best.

hoping s3 will be completely different from s1 and s2 and that they'll keep it going, keeping us all on our toes. i would hate for them to come back to the 3 timeline plot device just because it worked in s1, unless they have a story they want to tell in such a device - but just because people are complaining about s2 would be sad.

[cinnamonest]

Kaeya Alberich - Yandere Profile

YES I love my eyepatch boy!! I really like him as a yandere, because he's definitely got several traits and behaviors that would make him a very unconventional/different yet absolutely terrifying one to have. Him or Diluc as your yandere is basically like playing a game on maximum difficulty. He's so arrogant dammit why does he have to make it hot

More importantly, someone take the ability to write n/sfw away from me I s2g... I go from trying to make serious content to nasty weird kinks and completely feral in .002 seconds the moment I add that readmore

tws: gaslighting, manipulation, yandere, mentions of mutilation

tws (below cut): noncon, a good deal of sadism, mentions of an*l

-----------------

What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

He's actually one of the worst yanderes you could have in almost every regard, for two very simple reasons: his crippling psychological issues, and his intense selfishness. The first manifests as severe abandonment issues. It's the origin of his unhealthy feelings, most likely. Kaeya doesn't like the instability of people - based on his backstory, people always leave, or die, and even if they don't intend to, somehow it feels like abandonment, and he resents it. People leave him all alone and afraid and uncertain. That's generally all he knows, and despite the smug exterior, he's actually pushed people away quite a bit, keeps everyone at arm's length to ensure they can't become someone too important for him to accept their sudden absence. He can't care about someone, because that someone is fated to inevitably leave him, no matter who it may be.

That's why, once you manage to worm your way into his feelings and heart despite his best efforts, once he finally caves to acknowledging the feeling, he's aware. Painfully aware, because be can't stop worrying every waking moment about you, your well-being, your location. It reaches a point where he can't go about his job because he's simply too consumed with his worry.

The solution that kept him safest in the past was to avoid developing emotional attachments, but when he does, he's terrified of both your safety AND you intentionally abandoning him. Really, the latter would hurt worse, since he can't fault you for dying, but to abandon him? It would break him.

And, to some extent, he's developed a lot of  prideful anger about it, deep, deep down. He feels that he doesn't deserve to be abandoned, doesn't deserve to just be left behind under the guise of some greater purpose, and he'll be damned if he just lets you toss him aside like he feels others did. Even if you reject him, he won't accept it. You don't get to reject him. He won't allow that. What has he ever done to deserve everything that's happened to him? Nothing. You're the one person who has stayed with him, and you're going to continue to be with him. Forever.

That being said, he's still somewhat confident because he's got that arrogance about him. He doesn't perceive rejection, because he's always gotten a lot of attention for his looks, even if he's never actually followed through on anyone else's attention out of those same fears. He'll write off any perceived rejection as being for some other reason, something besides an actual rejection, and he'll seek to eliminate whatever he feels is keeping you from just accepting him.

Honestly, one of the most likely to have a full blown, classic-yandere-style psychotic breakdown. He can be driven to a snapping point, if there's enough stress or obstacles, and in case of that, he'll be a lot more willing to kill, and a lot more willing to hurt you, but it's a point that would still take a lot to reach.

But what's really terrifying about Kaeya is his delusions, primarily his ability to mentally justify everything he does without hesitation. Even most delusional yanderes struggle - they feel like it's wrong, they know it is deep down, and they take time to convince themselves of their delusions, tell themselves it's ok over and over, beg for reassurance, and get defensive when called out because they know they're in the wrong. The same isn't true for Kaeya. He automatically justifies his actions by default, and has absolutely zero doubt or hesitation to do so. He doesn't even need a complex reason for justification - it's a simple one. He deserves what he wants. Anything necessary to achieve that is fair.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

Highly likely and very quickly, right up there with Diluc and Razor. And he's absolutely remorseless about it. It ties back into his delusional state and ability to justify anything he does - this is what's best for you. If you don't get that, that's your problem, not his.

He's another one to not want to pull some barbaric move like knocking you out, rather, he'd rather just trick you into walking right into your new home. He gets that you'll be upset about it, but to him, that's just part of the process. Not that he'll tolerate it for too long. 12, maybe 24 hours is enough time for you to reasonably be upset, but if you're still trying to fight him on this after that, he's going to get snappy about it, thinking you should already be over that by now.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape? 

You're not leaving.

It's not worth trying, really. How he manages to do it is a mystery to you, but he'll manage to keep you locked in right there at the headquarters with him. How Jean and Lisa haven't found out about you being there, how he convinced all of his guards to be on his side of things, you have no idea. Realistically, if you get out, he's likely to make you out to be some kind of criminal that needs to be found -- just not to hurt you in any way, so goes the order, and the knights know better than to question why.

He has eyes and ears everywhere, it won't take them anytime at all to find you. He's so confident in that, and combined with his pride, he doesn't feel the need to go get you himself. No, it's a lot more satisfying to sit back and watch as they drag you through the doors of the headquarters, slowly pull you to the end of the room and drop you down at his feet, where he can look down on you with that closed-eyed, artificially wide smile that tells you that you have seriously fucked up.

Escape attempts aren't going to be met with a single shred of mercy, really. The thing about Kaeya is he's ultimately a selfish, selfish bastard with a lot of deep-seeded, highly repressed emotional issues, and he has absolutely no problem with keeping you bound hand and foot, or maybe even make some permanent modifications to your body if that's what it takes to keep you. It's not a wise idea to even try unless you're absolutely certain to succeed, otherwise you may find yourself never getting the opportunity again. You don't really need those Achilles tendons intact, you know. And your ankle bones are just so fragile, they'll snap with just a little twist. Actually, that wouldn't be too bad, giving you more reasons to be grateful when he's doing everything for you.

He's not one to just let it go, either. No, escape attempts are the one unforgivable thing for him, the one thing that will make him totally and completely snap. You don't get to do that. You're the one thing that doesn't get to just disappear out of his life in a flash. Half the reason he sends the knights to get you rather than going himself is to give him some time to let the rage settle down, otherwise he knows he might not be able to control himself and might end up hurting you even worse than he intends to. He's not going to buy any excuses and won't go any lighter on you if you beg and grovel or anything. But you will apologize -- you get to choose how hard it is. You can apologize the easy way, or, if you don't want to, there are many ways to force it out. But by the end, he'll get an apology, and a promise to never try again, out of you, no matter what that takes. It's by far the worst state you'll ever see him in, and really, once is enough to dissuade you from trying again.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

You'd have to try pretty hard. He doesn't have the sheer amount of years of life experience like Venti or Zhongli, but he's not the captain for no reason - he's perceptive, and highly intelligent.

Rather than simply mastering reading human voice and facial expressions for telltale signs of deceit, he's good at learning individuals in particular - memorizing the patterns of thought and action of a particular individual, and predicting how they will act. He can do it with everyone else with ease, how much more, then, with the object of an obsession? If you're trying to formulate some plan to trick him, he'll already predict what you'll do, if you lie, he already knows. It's creepier than the others, really, because it's not just that he can tell when you're lying, but rather he already knows you're going to lie or try some scheme before you do it. It feels so tailored and personalized to your thought patterns, it almost feels like an invasion of the privacy of your mind, which, really, is the one privacy you thought you had left.

He's great at gaslighting himself, too. He's a very good liar, and can make you believe anything he wants. He'll target your fears and paranoias, make you believe you're going crazy, and he'll do it all so perfectly you'll never suspect a thing. You'll end up coming to him for protection and guidance, exactly as planned.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

Pretty strict. He doesn't let you have any outside contact, and you're limited on what you can do when he's gone. He'll bring you some books, maybe something to draw on -- no sharp writing utensils, though. In his mind, that should be enough to occupy you.

You won't get outside walks or visits. It's just too risky for him, and he really doesn't like seeing other people look at you. If you really, really beg, and you've been on amazing behavior, and you're well into your relationship, maybe a few months or so, there's a chance he'll take you out at nighttime, or sunrise, but at the slightest sign of intentions he doesn't like, you'll be dragged back, and you won't see the sun for a long time.

You'll have a very limited wardrobe, he doesn't see why you even need to wear anything, but if you're going to be stubborn, he can get you something simple, like an old shirt and some underwear, but that's about all you can have. Any requests for actual clothing are going to be denied. It's ridiculous for him to spend money on something you don't need, and besides, he prefers it this way, y'know?

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

Generally, it's a simple one: obey. You do what he tells you to do, and you don't do something if he tells you not to. This stems to similar rules that develop: be submissive, don't be argumentative, don't be defiant. Follow those, and you can both be happy, and that's what you want, isn't it? It had better be - he's not very lenient, and will harshly punish even small offenses. As for that punishment... most of it isn't going to be sfw. That's just how he is.

What he will do is emotionally manipulate you, and he's rather good at it. You wanted to escape? Ok. He'll let you have your way, let you be alone. All alone. All by yourself, in a little room, with no one at all, which is exactly how you would have left him, had you succeeded. He knows very well how that kind of loneliness bites. He's not totally cruel, though, and he won't withhold affection from you by the time he returns -- he doesn't need to, you'll already be crying and apologizing, which is exactly what he hoped for. Not that he won't briefly mock you for it.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're crying like that because you actually missed me. Oh, you did? Being all alone isn't particularly fun, now is it? I'm sure you understand that now."

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

Kaeya's an insanely jealous person. It doesn't show on his face, but it eats at him internally. It doesn't matter if it's a love interest, a platonic friend, even a family member. It's all the same -- people who want to take your attention away from him, people who you smile at that aren't him, people you love that aren't him. He's not one to delude himself into thinking everyone secretly loves you romantically, rather, it doesn't matter. Romantic interests are the worst threat, sure, but friends and family aren't much better.

He sees himself as above killing, though. He has people to do that for him, and he likes knowing that he has that much power. He's not going to dirty his hands with it, and frankly, they're not even worthy of his time and effort to kill them. Knights and other connections can take care of it just as well.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

As somewhat previously discussed, the primary form of making him mad is attempting an escape. That's on a whole new level of anger because it strikes at a very deep, wounding insecurity. On a normal day, though, he's more easily exasperated than angry. He gets frustrated somewhat easily, especially if you're trying exceptionally hard to be a brat. He has very clear warning signs. His signature little smirk drops, he gets quiet, he balls his hands into fists and digs his fingernails into his palms. At that stage, he's irritable and might snap at you, but won't get too angry until you ignore those signs and push it.

If you do push him, though, he gets genuinely mad, which is a very quiet anger at first -- he doesn't talk much when he's mad. He acts. You'll know he's snapped when he puts down whatever he's doing, and just silently stomps over to you, face completely empty and flat, looking down at you with a cold expression. It's enough to put fear in you, but at that point, even if you apologize, you're not getting out of whatever he's planned.

So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

Strongly in the "below" camp, a rather unusual stance for a yandere. Like many things with him, there's an inexplicable duality going on there.  You would think that if you loved someone so strongly you'd kidnap them, kill for them, and potentially suffer consequences just to have them, that you would really think highly of them. On the flip side, you would think that if you really saw someone as lowly, you wouldn't care for them, you'd see them as disposable.

But neither is true for Kaeya, no, he balances both obsessive love and complete narcissism regarding you. You're not disposable, no, he can't live without you, he needs you. But at the same time, you're not gonna be on any kind of pedestal. No, if anything, he sees himself on one, more like a throne, and you on the floor before him, how things should be.

He has a similar mindset to Zhongli or Albedo - you're fragile, you're dumb, you're incapable, and you need someone to care for you, protect you, guide you, someone who knows what's best for you, since you clearly don't. However, he's lacking in the attitude those other two have -- there's no seeing you as an angel here. There's no viewing himself as being absolutely honored to take care of you, or viewing protecting and caring for you as some kind of privilege that they're blessed to do, the way those two do.

No, as much as he loves those things, he'll never admit it, not even to himself really. Rather, his mentality is that you should be grateful. Here he is, a very highly respected, accomplished, capable person, and you...? You have what to offer, exactly? That's right, nothing, really, only cuteness and obedience, the latter of which you refuse to give him even though you really ought to. He's taking on the burden of making sure you don't get yourself killed, and how do you repay him? By getting mad about it, throwing a fit like some little kid? He puts up with your tantrums, which are really undeserved, by the way. He puts up with your disobedience and repeated rule violations, your sheer determination to defy him when he's going out of his way to do what's best for you.

One day, he thinks, you'll mature a little bit and understand why he does what he does, and when you do, you'll come groveling and sniffling about how sorry you are, how you'll never defy him again, how you'll be good and obedient from now on, and he'll love every second of it. He looks forward to that day quite a bit.

"Sigh... you know, you're pretty lucky I love you so much. You could stand to show me a little thanks, don't you think?"

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

He's strongly determined, and yet... doesn't do much to try. It goes back to his mindset that really, you're the one who should be grateful for him, and eventually, you will love him. He's not gonna grovel to you or try different ways of making you love him, no, he's far too proud for that. But he's a smart man. He knows the effects that complete and total isolation other than one other person can have on someone. He's just going to sit back and wait for that effect to kick in, and slowly watch your fragile little mind deteriorate until you're desperate for affection. At which point, well, he can use it against you.

"You were so mean to me before, weren't you? You fought me every step of the way, and now you're just going to turn around and act like that didn't happen...? Well, if you're really sorry, I'll forgive you. But how am I supposed to believe you really are...? Maybe you can think of a way to prove it, hm?"

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Probably the severity of his degradation. As aforementioned, most yanderes, even the more confident or cocky individuals, either worship the ground their beloved walks on and sees themselves as beneath them, OR sees their darling as some sort of fragile, angelic being, and they are simply a protector or caretaker to that being.

It's a bit different with him, ever the narcissist. It's a strange duality born out of a rare mix of neediness, obsession, and pride. You're more like a toy, or a pet - an invaluable pet that he could never part with, but a pet nonetheless. He certainly looks down on you more than the average yandere - he mentally associates you as naive, fragile, even dumb like a lot of the aforementioned protector/caretaker types, but without the reverence to make up for it.

It's a bizarre duality that not even he fully understands - don't think for a moment that that means he'll ever tire of you, or view you as disposable. No, he's actually one of the most obsessive ones, yet very demanding of attention and praise, rather than giving it.

He frequently tests you - things like leaving the door unlocked, waiting outside just to see if you'll try it. Seeing you open that door, watching your face go from ecstatic excitement and drop to wide-eyed terror, it's priceless.

"My, my, you didn't waste any time at all, did you? Why do you look so surprised...? You should know I wouldn't slip up that badly."

Pet names, but in the most infuriatingly condescending way, and uses them more often when he's mad and trying to warn you that you're pushing his limits. Particularly fond of "sweetheart," especially with a low warning tone and clenched teeth.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

Horny fucker, all the way. The man has a lot of stress and frustration in his life already, that much more if you're... less than compliant with your new lifestyle. Sex, especially rough and hard, is a fantastic stress reliever.

Very little reservation. He's not crude about it, but he tends to make subtle innuendos very frequently, and laughs at your embarrassed reactions. Definitely the type to pull the whole shtick in which he says something with a blatant sexual undertone, then elaborates in a way to make it sound like having meant something else, follows with that smirk and says, "Why? What did you think I meant?" It's something he really enjoys doing, and loves to get embarrassed reactions out of people, particularly yourself.

"Touchy" doesn't begin to describe it. Pretty much from the moment you meet him, he's got his hands somewhere on your person. He grabs your shoulders when he stands behind you, he wraps an arm around you from the side when he walks up to you, he's always pressing his hands on your back and sides whenever you're navigating the streets, walking through doorways, wraps an arm around your waist when sitting next to you. It's highly uncomfortable, but really, he's just got something very subtly, but very strongly intimidating about him. You almost don't want to confront him on it. If you do, he'll laugh it off, and stop -- for maybe 48 hours or so, and then he'll be right back at it.

To the surprise of, well, everyone who's ever met him, he doesn't actually live up to the rumors of having been around the block, so to speak. His experience is actually little to none - that kinda happens when you push everyone around you away. Not that he'd ever let you know that, of course, and will probably lie if asked, but you can gleam a little bit of truth from slightly awkward movements and a bit of noticeable shakiness.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

Kind of like Razor, the issue is that he loves you, and what better way is there of expressing love? He's not much for gift-giving or words of affirmation - no, he's a lot better with words of degradation, it comes more naturally to him. And he's certainly not one to enjoy acts of service -- well, not doing them, he'll gladly take them as a sign of your love, though. No, he expresses love through touch. It's like how, when you hug someone you really love, someone you missed, you squeeze them extra tight - the love manifests as a physical urge for some strong expression. Humans are physical about their emotions -- we punch walls when we're mad, we jump up and down when we're happy, and when you love someone, sometimes you just really, really want to pound them into a mattress as hard as physically possible. That's normal. That, and really, he's got his vices. He's actually fairly weak when it comes to resisting temptations, and prone to give in to urges for physical sensations like drunkenness and sex.

Is another one to be convinced that, with time, you'll come around. And is absolutely the top candidate to be one for using your own body against you - if you get wet, if you whimper, if you cum, that's just proof that you really do want this, that you're just being difficult because you enjoy being a brat, and he'll be sure to tell you that.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

This is nearly indistinguishable from punishment, sadistic bastard

D/S dynamics

Arrogant fucker wants to be served and worshipped, you could see it coming from a mile away. Anything that puts you beneath him is going to make him happy - anything where you're where you're supposed to be. There's a lot of options, but it doesn't really matter, as long as he feels like he's in control and ownership of you in some way, and as long as you act accordingly.

He wants it to be something that’s not just for sex, but rather, he’ll end up carrying it over into normal life, whether you like it or not. If you just went along with it in hopes of getting it over with once he cums, you’re going to be in for a treat when it starts to carry over. He gets a little too used to being worshipped, and decides he likes that submissive attitude on you enough to want to see it all the time.

Petplay/Collaring

It really helps that he sees you as something of a pet already, but really, the collar is the selling point. Even if you never go outside, there's something unbearably hot about the possessiveness of it all - really, it's there to remind you of your status as property. He wants to own you, and for you to be forced to acknowledge that he owns you, and there's really no better way to do that than something with his name on it. It's even better with a leash, one he can pull on when he's fucking you to pull you back onto him over, and over, and over, hearing it choke you the more he shortens it.

But really, having you crawl towards him on all fours and obey little commands so simple they're humiliating is pretty nice, too.

Impact pain/painplay

There's really nothing quite so powerful feeling as watching you cry and squirm from it, y'know? He's another one that just likes the marks his hands, belts, or anything else can leave all over the skin of your ass and the back of your legs. The thing with him, though, is it's not even always a punishment, he just does it for fun, and that makes it unpredictable. Will definitely make you count, it's a sadistic torture for your mind and body.

Throatfucking

May be used as a punishment measure, may just be because he's craving it, either way, even if you have a gag reflex, you won't for very long. He'll train it out of you gradually, grabbing the back of your head and just slamming all the way down into your throat, holding you there, making you choke - it's a beautiful sound, really, listening to you gag, all while your throat spasms around him, it's the best feeling, really, and will definitely be used as a threat if you need incentives to behave.

Choking

Ties into the dynamics, but really, there’s not much to say on this one. He likes the power trip from having his hands wrapped around your throat, seeing you struggle, watching your face go red, hearing those little choking noises. It puts power over you into his hands, and if you get pleasure from it against your own will, that’s even better.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

Absolutely one of the ones to use it as a tool. If you have a baby, you'll be so much more bound to him. You'll need him more, you'll want him around more, you'll be much less likely to leave, and in a way it feels a little bit like a sign of ownership over you.

That being said, he's also acutely aware of his jealous tendencies, and realizes he would also be very likely to become jealous if he felt like you loved a baby more than him, or gave it more attention and affection than you do him. He doesn't like the thought.

So ultimately, the latter side prevents him from willingly trying, but if you really, really have defiance issues even after he's tried everything he can to break you help you adjust, he might consider it.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

If it's mild enough, he can just take the route of extremely rough fucking - it gets rid of the frustration, he likes hearing you whimper and squeal, and he can leave lots of little bruises as reminders of what not to do in the future.

But, again, he already gets off to putting you in pain - it'll be that much worse when you've done something to deserve it. Harder hits, no mercy whatsoever, and he just loves all your little cries, wiping away your tears and smiling at you, right before bringing down whatever instrument of pain he's chosen again. If you really, really make him mad, and he really wants to make you cry, he's not above fucking your ass, either, watching you cry and beg, but you'll learn with time that begging doesn't ever get you out of anything.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

Definitely an ass man. Likes fucking you in doggy, seeing the ripple every time you bounce back off of him, pulling your hair or arms to add some force. He likes seeing all the little red marks that his hands and belts and anything else will leave on the skin, views it like marks of possession. Grabbing, beating, fucking, it's all good.

[cutesuki--bakugou]

Anything, For You

This is a continuation of Anything. Please be sure to read that part first if you want some context!

Rating:  Explicit

Warnings: Rough Sex (Vaginal and Anal), Threesome (Double Penetration), Weed / Alcohol Use, Rough Oral Sex (blow job, face fucking), Public Foreplay, Public Humiliation, Spanking, Choking, Obsessive Reader, Toxic / Power Imbalanced Relationship, Emotional Manipulation, Suggested Dubcon / Reluctant / Compliant Reader

Words: 12,128

Pairing: Drummer!Bakugou Katsuki x Superfan!Fem!Reader x Guitarist!Kirishima Eijirou

Quirkless, Punk rock band AU

Not specifically written for, but using it for the @bnhabookclub​​ ‘s members bingo event!

Crossed off: Threesome

Bingo Masterlist

BTW, please blacklist the tag cutesuki-lemons if you do not want to see this content from my blog. I will no longer be tagging with specific keywords for this type of content.Thank you~

Due to the nature of this post, the characters are 18+

Art in banner by me

Tag list: @lady-bakuhoe​ , @gallickingun​ , @unbreakableeiji​ , @boom-bakugou​ , @honeytama​ , @wakaoujisenhime​ , @ikinabi​ , @thotpatrolcaptain​ , @1-800-callmekatsuki​ , @tomurasprincess​ , @bratwritings​ 

You nervously tightened your grip on the small clutch in your hands, digging your nails into the faux leather and ignoring the sting of the metal pointed studs against your skin. For a few minutes now, you had just been standing outside of the club Garden, listening to the loud music and watching the flashing neon lights every time the door opened. With each group of people leaving, stumbling out drunk and high off adrenaline from dancing, the same amount were let in from an insanely long line, which even curved around the building to where you couldn’t see. There were so many people waiting to go in, and yet, you knew that you could just bypass this line and go on in. 

Why were you so nervous? 

It wasn’t the thought that you would be glared or yelled at by the people waiting if you skipped the line. Sure, it might make you a bit embarrassed if they picked at you, but that wasn’t the problem. No, it was who was waiting inside the club and who gave you that exact privilege to just come on in that terrified you. 

Bakugou 10:50 pm: come to the club Garden downtown around 1 am. just show your ID at the door and theyll let you in past the line. 

Me 10:51 pm: Just me? 

Bakugou 10:51 pm: just you, babe. your shitty friends arent invited. 

After releasing a trembling breath, you opened your clutch to take a quick look at your phone, giving a small groan at the time that showed 1:02 am. It was time to go in, but you were so damn nervous. How could you not be? Showing up to a strange and very crowded club, to hang out and drink with your favorite people - or, well, person - on this planet? With what happened earlier that night, you knew that any type of debauchery could go down, and the stinging welts on your asscheek were testament to that. But there was going to be way more involved. More people, alcohol, and most likely some type of drugs, for sure. You knew that you’d need to be vigilant, but being in Bakugou’s presence again, you weren’t sure you’d have the willpower to say no to anything that was handed your way. 

Suddenly, your phone buzzed in your hand, startling you enough to make you jump and almost lose your balance on your chunky, boot style platform heels. Looking at the screen, the fire in your cheeks grew hotter, reading the text that Bakugou had just sent you. 

Bakugou 1:03 am: where are you at, babygirl? scared? 

Me 1:03 am: No, I’m about to come in. There’s… a lot of people.

Bakugou 1:04 am: fuck them and come inside. there’s someone waiting to bring you up.

Releasing a trembling breath, you put your phone back in your clutch and pulled out your ID instead, gathering your courage to walk up to the front door. One of the two bouncers immediately looked down at you with a threatening posture, though his demeanor changed at the sight of your timid presence. 

“Skipping the line?” 

“I… have VIP permissions. From Bakugou Katsuki… I’m [f/n] [l/n]. He said I should be on a list.” 

Taking your ID, the bouncer first checked it over with a flashlight to confirm its authenticity, before picking up a clipboard that was resting on a stool beside him. It only took him a moment before finding your name, smiling and giving a nod. “Yep, there you are. Follow me.” Putting the clipboard down and handing you the ID back, he made his way through the front door, at first holding it open for some people leaving before allowing you through. 

Any objections you may have heard from the people in line were immediately drowned out by the music, the heavy beat shaking the ground. It was quite dark in the large industrial style building, with only blacklights and flashing neon skylights illuminating the dancefloor. Though, up one floor, you could see a loft area with mostly regular lighting, though it was dimmed, and you wondered if that’s where you would be going. 

Following the bouncer as he made his way past, you used his impressive height and size to push through the crowds, since he was easily able to part the sea of bouncing drunken bodies. He led you to the stairs, as you had expected, and started to make his way up, only giving you a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure you were still following. Or to make sure that no one else was coming up, either. You weren’t sure. 

As you made your way up, you felt a bit embarrassed that the stairway was mostly exposed, using your free hand to hold your short dress up against your backside to hopefully keep anyone from seeing anything private. You weren’t wearing any hose this time, since the only ones you had brought with you into town for the concert were the fishnets that Bakugou had destroyed earlier. Your only cute pair of underwear had also been destroyed, so right after the concert, you had to hunt some down. All you could find at the only store still open was a pair of cute little lace boy short style panties, which were quite sexy and were decently invisible under your dress. You knew that they would be, since you got them from a damn porn shop. There was nothing else open at midnight, so there was no choice. It still ended up perfect, though. If something else did end up happening, you assumed he would like them. Or you hoped so. 

The closer you got to the loft, you realized that it was actually surrounded by glass. The only thing that was solid was the door, which was opened after a loud series of knocks from the bouncer. After a click, another man opened it up, glancing first at your guide before down to you. “She’s invited?” 

“Yes. [f/n] [l/n]. Bakugou’s guest.” Stepping aside, the bouncer and what appeared to be a security guard allowed you inside, the door shutting immediately once you passed the threshold. The sudden volume difference of the room startled you a bit, as did the change in lighting, but you were quick to take in your surroundings. 

There were multiple couches and chairs scattered about in strategic locations, along with tables that were already piled up with drinks. The room was much smaller than it seemed, with only one other door along the back solid wall, which you assumed was a bathroom. Then, your eyes landed on the men you adored, and your entire body instantly flushed with heat as you noticed all their eyes on you. 

“Your clutch, ma’am?” 

The security guard pulled you out of your stupor, holding his hand out in front of you. Nervously, you placed it in his hand, watching as he placed it in a bag behind him and zipped it up. Immediately after, he ran some type of long beeping device across the front and back of your body about an inch away, which you assumed was a metal detector. When it didn’t go off, he allowed you to walk further in with a wave of his hand, and you timidly stepped forward while pulling down your dress, clearing your throat a bit in awkwardness. 

“Hey there, babygirl.” Bakugou spoke with a sly smirk on his face, holding a glass of dark colored liquor near his lips. “Finally made it. Took you fucking long enough.” 

“Sorry…” Making your way towards the couch he was on, you took a moment to look at the other members, trying to control the nervous swirling of your stomach. “Nice to see you all again…” 

“You were in our first meet up group, right?” Midoriya smiled at you, placing his hand on the thigh of a curvaceous woman that was placed firmly on his lap. His voice was still quite strained and cracked, worn from the performance. “Kacchan told me he invited someone, but he didn’t tell me who!” 

“Because it’s none of your damn business, Deku,” With a snap of his finger as he held his hand out towards you, Bakugou commanded you over to him silently. Not even taking a second to think about it, you approached, taking his hand. He led you with only a gentle pull to stand between his legs, placing both of his hands on your outer thighs. “You look good, babygirl.” 

“T-thank you-” You were cut off by the sound of a door closing, along with an annoyed whine. 

“Aww, what the fuck?! Even Bakugou was able to get a girl this time, and he never does! I must have really sucked today.” Huffing, Kaminari shuffled his way towards an empty armchair, flopping down to sit with his legs stretched out in front of him, toes pointed towards the ceiling. “Bullshit.” 

“You suck all the time, dunceface.” 

“I do not! All the girls wanted me at our last gig.” 

“Yeah, because both Deku and Kirishima were out of commission after that, so they had no other option. Don’t be such a little bitch, if you want girls, go fucking dance.” Although Bakugou’s snappy demands were directed at his companion, his glazed over crimson eyes never left your body. They scanned over every inch of you quite diligently, as if he were missing you greatly just from these few hours apart. Unsure of what to do with your hands, you let one rest tenderly on his bicep while running the other softly through his bangs, pulling the fair blonde hair loose of the light grip of sweat that stuck it to his skin. You weren’t sure if it was the lighting in the room or maybe his intoxication, but you could have sworn that you could see the tips of his ears flush with your touch. 

“But I don’t want to go dance alone!” Kaminari whined, sinking further into the chair. His voice broke your concentration on the man in front of you, looking at the pouting bass player over your shoulder. It was odd, you thought, that there weren’t as many girls in here as you expected. Actually, there was only you and the girl with Midoriya, whose attention was fully on him, hands on his freckled cheeks and playfully squishing them together. Her bobbed brunette hair gave away who she was, as you had seen her in many of his social media postings, but you couldn’t quite remember her name. All you knew was that they were dating and had been friends for a very long time, but that didn’t really matter right now. 

Kirishima sighed, resting his arms up over the back of the couch, his hand pulling your attention as it came to rest decently close to Bakugou’s head, though the drummer didn’t protest or seem to even notice. “C’mon, man, don’t be such a downer! I think you need to take another hit and get down there. Take Todoroki with you.” 

Kaminari scoffed, looking over at the silent member of their band, who was more focused on his phone and his fancy martini looking drink than anything they were talking about. “What, so he can go stand in the middle of the dancefloor like a weirdo? He doesn’t have any dancing rhythm! He barely moves when we’re performing!” 

“Yeah, but girls like him more than you, he’d help you catch their attention.” 

“Now you’re all just being assholes!” Huffing, Kaminari sat up and leaned forward, snatching up a small glass pipe and the lighter beside it. “It’s not my fault that no one likes the bass players! I’m not as cool as you!” 

“Hey, I’ve offered to play bass sometimes.” Kirishima grinned, reaching over to scratch the side of his nose. “But Bakugou won’t let us switch--” 

“Fuck no.” Bakugou interrupted, now glowering at his friends, both of his strong hands resting on your hips firmly. “That’s too much power I’m not willing to give you, dunceface.” 

��Rude.” Grumbling under his breath, Kaminari glared down at the pipe as he brought it to his lips, lighting it up and taking a hit. The smell of weed hit your nose immediately as he exhaled, the cloud of smoke leaving his lips slowly as he leaned back in the chair. “Midoriya would.” 

“Because he’s a dipshit.” 

“You’re so aggressive today! I think you’re the one that needs a hit, bro.” 

“Fuck that shit. I’m not looking to fall asleep any time soon.” 

“You’re up way past your bedtime, anyway. Grandpa.” Passing the pipe and lighter over to Kirishima as he beckoned for it, Kaminari gave a sly smirk, knowing he could press Bakugou’s buttons while you were in his way. You could feel Bakugou’s grip tighten in irritation and see his brows furrow, but to your surprise, he was quick to calm, giving an annoyed click of his tongue as he used only slight pressure to pull you to the side, gesturing to the couch for you to sit. You did so, now effectively squished between the two men, one taking a hit while the other gulped down what was left of his drink. 

If you were honest, you felt quite… awkward. You didn’t really know what to do with yourself and you weren’t sure if talking would be welcomed. You were new to this tight knit group, and even though you admired and adored every single one of them, you almost felt like you didn’t belong there. Were you really worthy of being in their presence like this or being so close to Bakugou as he rested an arm around your shoulders, pulling you up against his side? It felt like a dream, and you were horrified that at any moment, you would wake up to find yourself lonely in your hotel bed. 

“Want a hit, sweetheart?” 

Your thoughts were disrupted by Kirishima’s pleasant ringing voice, his smile soft and comforting as he held the pipe and lighter towards you. At first, you hid your face a bit behind Bakugou’s forearm, fiddling with your nails. “I’ve never done it before… I probably shouldn’t.” 

“Aw c’mon, you should! You’re safe here with us! That’s pretty cool, too, isn’t it? To have you first hit ever with your favorite band.” Kirishima’s eyes left yours for a moment as he glanced up, most likely at Bakugou, though there wasn’t anything malicious that you could see. He was genuinely being very nice about it, and so far, no one had protested. Still, you looked up at Bakugou for approval, a sly smirk crossing his lips when you did so. 

“What, babygirl? Looking for permission?” 

Feeling heat rush to your cheeks at his domineering tone, you nodded. “Yes. Is it okay?” 

“What do you say?” His rough fingers took hold of your chin, tilting your head up as he leaned in, whisky tainted lips brushing against yours. Your heart began to race, chest heaving with steady, heavy breaths as you parted your lips expectantly. But, you were left with nothing until you answered, and you did so without a second thought or worry about what anyone else in the room might think. 

“Please, Katsuki.” 

A low hum resonated in his chest in satisfaction of your response, pressing his hot lips against yours to reward you for being so obedient. Or, at least, that’s how you understood it. In the few hours that you had been away from him, there hadn’t been a single moment of lucidness where you felt like you had escaped whatever hold he had placed on you. In fact, your wanting to be at his side only grew worse, to hear him praise you and reward you when you were a good girl for him. 

His praise. His touch. His attention. All of it was so intoxicating, and you wanted more. 

When he set your lips free after just a short moment, it took only a light bump to your chin to have you turn your head to look back at Kirishima, who was waiting patiently. He was still smiling, but there was a mischievous gleam in his eye, as if he had been waiting to see just how obedient you still were. It was gone with a blink, his pleasant and cheerful demeanor taking over as he held the pipe up between his fingers. 

“Yeah? Gonna do it, sweetheart?” 

“Sure,” You answered meekly, turning a bit more to face him. “Uhm… How do I do it?” 

Kirishima was very thorough in his explanation of how to use the pipe, and by the time he was done, you felt confident that you could do it. Though, your confidence didn’t amount to much, as you still ended up with quite the coughing fit after your first hit. Behind the coughing and burning in your throat, you could hear Kaminari gasp out in surprise, though you couldn’t quite focus on him yet through the smoke. 

“Holy shit, Kirishima, you should have just prepped it for her, that’s gonna fuck her up!” 

Chuckling, Kirishima handed you a cup of water, which you gulped down eagerly. “She’s fine, that wasn’t that bad! A little too aggressive on sucking it in, but you’ll get it down. You okay?” He gave your thigh a few comforting pats, his lingering on your bare skin not quite registering in your mind as you tried to calm the burning in your throat. Thankfully, it was fading decently quick, but it still wasn’t anything like what you had expected. 

“I’m okay,” You choke out after a moment, placing both the glass of water and the pipe down on the coffee table in front of you. “You guys make it look so easy!” 

“That’s because they’re fucking potheads.” Bakugou pulled you back up against him. “Especially Dunceface over there. Can’t go five minutes without being high.”

“Don’t be telling lies about me, Kacchan.” Kaminari waddled a finger at his friend, and you could tell that he was feeling pretty relaxed compared to a while ago. “It’s more like three minutes.” 

“Shut up. Where the fuck’s our bartender? We haven’t gotten new drinks-” 

“-Let’s go down, then!” Kaminari hopped up to his feet, clapping his hands together to try and get his friends riled up. “Let’s get some drinks and dance like we’re normal people, no one’s gonna recognize us down there, it’s too dark! This VIP shit gets boring sometimes. Right, Todoroki?” With a bounce in his step, he walked over behind the couch his quiet friend was sitting on, giving him a firm smack on the shoulders. “You’re just over here on your phone! Let’s go dance!” 

Todoroki took his friend shaking him from side to side like a champ, not looking away from his phone or spilling his drink. “I’ll sit at the bar, but I’m not going to dance.” 

“You will after a couple of shots. Midoriya? Ochaco?” 

 “Let’s go, Deku!” Hopping up off his lap, the brunette took both of Midoriya’s hands, trying to pull him up with meager strength. “Let’s all go!” 

With a heavy sigh in defeat, Midoriya stood, as did Todoroki. Though, there was no movement from either of the two men beside you, so you glanced between them curiously. Kirishima seemed interested, while Bakugou looked like he wanted to throw them all off the balcony just to get some peace. You weren’t sure if it was the excitement of being here, the electric energy from Kaminari, or the hit you had taken, but you really wanted to go. You were feeling restless and, if you were honest, kind of bummed out that you were still the only one who hadn’t had a drop of alcohol. You came here to have a good time with these guys. With Bakugou. But how could you talk him into it? 

“You losers coming or not?” Kaminari barked before you could say a word, glowering at the three of you still plastered on the couch as he stood by the door, waiting for their security guard to unlock it and step out. “Kacchan, you were complaining about drinks, come down and get some with us!” 

“Fuck, fine! If it will shut you up!” 

Everything changed pace in a blink of an eye from that moment. Before you knew it, you had taken two shots of… something, and sucked down a drink faster than you thought you would, all while watching the bouncing bodies on the dance floor with Bakugou at your side. Though, he wasn’t just standing next to you. His arm was hooked around your waist like a vice, his powerful and off-putting presence preventing any man with wandering eyes from even considering trying to come up to you. At first, you felt a bit embarrassed that he was so close and so protective, but you also couldn’t help but feel… flattered. And that flattery brought up a new bubbling in your belly. 

You were so happy. Again, you didn’t know if it was because of the high or the alcohol, but you were absolutely beyond tickled. It was such a strong sensation, in fact, that you couldn’t help but start to bounce on your feet and sway to the music. Your hips bumped into Bakugou’s as he stood beside you, one arm around your shoulders while the other propped him up on the bar counter. With the bump, he tightened his arm around your neck, pulling you in closer to him and pressing his lips against your ear so you could hear him over the blaring music. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Dancing!” You responded near his ear as he turned his head to hear you. “I like this song!” 

“You call that dancing?” With his insult, he moved his arm around your back and gave you a small push forward towards the dance floor, smirking at the confusion on your face when you looked back at him. Taking your drink from your hands, he finished off the last bit of it before leaving it on the counter behind him, giving your ass a tap to guide you forward. Within moments, you were both swallowed by the giant group of sweating, bouncing bodies, all who had little to no care on who they were touching or where they were moving. 

And yet, with Bakugou's arms around your waist from behind, you felt like you were completely enveloped in your own bubble. Just you, him, and the music. What truly snapped your restraint was his deep growl in your ear, tugging your hips tightly back so that your ass was firmly pressed against him. 

“Show me how you can really dance, babygirl.” 

No one would truly call the way you rubbed your bodies against each other to the rhythm of the music “dancing”, but all your body could comprehend in your intoxicated state. The flashing neon lights, from pitch black to strobing, was almost making you dizzy, and the only thing that seemed to alleviate the disorientation was putting all your focus on Bakugou. 

The way you two moved was seamless and in tune, his hands freely roaming your body with no fears of being noticed within the densely packed group. Even if someone did notice, you wouldn’t care. All you cared about was his lips against the skin of your neck, his fingers digging into your plush curves and the hard presence of his cock beneath his pants. Just feeling it against your ass made you remember how good he felt fucking you, the way he filled up every inch of your aching cunt and made you scream for him. 

How he made you his. 

How you would do anything for him. 

How he owned you. 

“Open your eyes, sweetheart.” 

The voice in your ear was a sweet growl; more of a purr to calm and coax you. It was so comforting that you almost forgot where you were for a moment, until you did as you were told. Instead of a group of dancing bodies in front of you, you were met with a clear view of that brilliant, wide grin sported only by Kirishima. He was in front of you, dancing with you and Bakugou together, his hands also firmly on your body to keep you pinned between the two men. 

Your entire body immediately flushed hot, pressing further back against Bakugou to try and get some space between you and the redhead. “K-Kiri-!” 

“Don’t you even think about it.” Bakugou growled in your ear, his hand coming up to wrap around your throat. “Let him touch you.” 

You didn’t have much time to even consider complying before Bakugou moved you both forward, not allowing you any space or chance to dip out from between them. You were trapped. How long had Kirishima even been there? Whose hands had been touching you this entire time, squeezing your breasts and your hips so eagerly? Had it been both of them? Whose hand was that right now, sliding up your thigh and bringing your dress with it. 

What was happening? They couldn’t actually be thinking about touching you here on the dancefloor, could they? In the privacy of the VIP room, maybe, but out here in the middle of all these people? Someone would notice! 

You tried to squeak out a plea to stop, but Bakugou’s hand around your throat stopped any little sound from slipping out. Instead, your hips were pulled forward and snug against Kirishima’s, one of his legs between yours so that you were practically sitting on his thigh. But that wasn’t where your hips were directed. Instead, with the beat of the music, Kirishima rutted his hips against you, and you could easily feel the hard presence of his cock against your scantily clothed sex. He was wearing loose black joggers, so there was basically nothing between you, and with both men surrounding you completely and still moving with the music, there was no hope of someone noticing. 

Needing to ground yourself, you clutched on to both of Kirishima’s biceps, his hands set firmly on your hips. The digging of your nails into his skin only seemed to spur him on further, becoming rougher with his thrusts, and the more he stroked across your clit, the more you began to lose yourself. It felt so good, even though you knew that it shouldn’t. It was Bakugou all over again, fucking your throat raw as your essence dripped down your thighs, just as it was now. Kirishima was using you for his own gratification, and Bakugou was allowing it. This wasn’t okay. 

You clenched your eyes shut tightly as Bakugou’s hands moved to caress your breasts, squeezing them roughly and eagerly pinching your nipples. You heard him groan in your ear, his attention to your nipples increasing as he noticed the little studs in place. “Oh fuck, babygirl, I didn’t know you had piercings here, too. I’m an idiot for not stripping you in the changing room, but I’m not going to make that mistake tonight.” 

His teeth sinking into the skin of your neck and another harsh twist made your body jolt, a moan involuntarily slipping through your lips. Before it could get far, it was devoured by Kirishima, who kissed you passionately to silence you. 

What should I do? It feels good, but… I didn’t want Kirishima like this! 

A rough nibble to your lip forced your mouth open, unable to stop or resist Kirishima's tongue from invading. He tasted like weed and the sour sting of an energy drink still on his lips, but that isn’t what made you want to pull away. Was he… a better kisser than Bakugou? No one could be better than the blonde behind you… at anything! And yet, here Kirishima was, making you completely breathless and absolutely on fire. It wasn’t so brash or dominating, either. 

You loved it. A lot.

A moan leaked through the kiss as Bakugou moved his lips to your ear, running his tongue along the shell of it before nibbling harshly at the delicate skin below. “You like his cock rubbing up against you, baby? You like being pinned between us like the little desperate whore you are?”

Kirishima finally released your lips, giving you a chance to take in deep trembling breaths. “Yes, Katsuki! But I— “

“What?”

“I really have to pee!”

Both men paused with your proclamation, watching your face in confusion as you stood there trembling in their grip. You hadn’t been lying, and it was clear as day in your flushed face. You needed to go to the restroom. If you didn’t, you knew there would be an accident all over yourself and the two men that held you. 

“You’re serious?” Kirishima spoke loudly enough so you could hear him, and you nodded with urgency. After glancing at Bakugou, he took a step back, awkwardly trying to make his boner mostly invisible behind his joggers. “Okay. I’d rather you not piss all over.”

Bakugou turned your head towards him, his glare immediately making your legs feel weak. “He’ll take you upstairs. I’m going to get more drinks and meet you up there. You better not be using this as an excuse, or I’ll have to punish you.”

“I-it’s not, Katsuki, I promise- mmph!” You were silenced as he kissed your lips roughly, his frustration at having to stop apparent. Then, with a rough tap to your ass, you were urged forward and into Kirishima’s arms. You didn’t get a chance to glance back at Bakugou as you were led through the crowd, Kirishima using his height and size to easily push through and bump people out of the way without too much inconvenience to you. Much to your surprise, he was quite attentive of you, pulling you out of the way of wild swinging arms and keeping a firm grip on you in case you were tripped by stray feet. 

By the time you finally reached the stairs, you were completely worn out and feeling like your bladder was about to erupt. Still, you made it up the stairs and into the singular bathroom before you could piss yourself, and as you sat on the toilet, you could truly feel how intoxicated you were. You weren’t sure if your mind was spinning from the alcohol, the weed, or the incredible rush that you had felt on the dancefloor. You could feel, however, that you were incredibly sweaty, your hair sticking to your forehead, cheeks and the back of your neck like it was glued to your skin. Though, the wetness at your cunt and spread across your inner thighs was even worse. 

You couldn’t believe that you had gotten so wet and turned on from what they had done to you. Even your pathetic excuse for underwear was completely soaked through, your essence thick and visible on the black fabric. The way they had cornered you like that wasn’t something that should have excited you so much, yet here you were, trembling and dripping wet. And now, you were caught up here in this room with Kirishima. Who knows how long it might take Bakugou to get the drinks, since the bar was incredibly busy and it had taken nearly fifteen minutes to get yours earlier. 

With a defeated sigh, you wiped and decided to clean yourself up the best you could, even patting your underwear with toilet paper. In the end, the attempt wasn’t very successful, and you almost wanted to rip them back off the instant you pulled them back up to your hips. 

After washing your hands and spending a few minutes fixing your hair and wiping your face and neck of sweat, you left the restroom, finding Kirishima standing near the coffee table with the weed pipe in his hands. He gave you a comforting smile as you approached, taking a hit and blowing the smoke away from you. “Feel better, sweetheart?” 

“Yes… Uhm… Why did-” 

“Want another hit?” Kirishima interrupted you, as if he knew exactly what you were about to ask and wanted to avoid it while he could. “You’re more relaxed now, you’ll get it this time. It’ll calm your nerves, too. You’re trembling like a leaf, babe.”

“I’m… not sure.” 

“You don’t want Bakugou to see you all nervous and uptight, do you?” 

The tone of his voice instantly made your stomach twist, able to hear the slightest twinge of a threat mixed in with the worried question. Of course you didn’t want Bakugou to see you like this. You had just been so peppy and energetic down on the dancefloor, he would surely be annoyed if you grew so timid all the sudden. So, without a word, you took the pipe and lighter, doing everything you could to ignore the twist at the corner of his lips. 

Letting out a trembling breath, you brought the pipe to your lips, able to inhale, hold, and exhale without any urges to cough outside of a slight clearing of your throat. Chuckling, Kirishima took the pipe and lighter from you, setting them down again. “See! Look at you! A natural.” 

“It’s stronger this time.” 

“Yeah, I cleaned it out and prepped it again while you were in the restroom.” As he spoke, you made your way over to the front of the room, looking out of the glass and down at the bar, scanning for the blonde you had left behind. It didn’t take you long to see him, sitting on a stool as he awaited the delivery of the drinks. Though, you instantly felt heat rush to your fluttering stomach, surprised to see that he was already staring up at you. You couldn’t see his expression, but you could almost feel the icy daggers of his glare on your skin. In fact, your entire body was tingling, your mind growing dull while your body felt like every inch of you was being lightly pricked with needles. It was as if you could feel everything. Your hair tickling the back of your neck. Your dress tight against your chest. Your hot and wet underwear clung tightly against your folds and your clit. 

“Find him?” Kirishima nearly startled you enough to make you jump as he came to stand beside you, looking around curiously at all the activity below. “He sticks out like a sore thumb, doesn’t he? Ah, there! He’s already looking up here, too. He’s so into you, babe.” 

“He is…?” 

“Oh yeah. And I can see why.” One of his large hands came to rest against your lower back, stepping in a bit closer to you. “You’re so cute and timid. Obedient.” His hand began to travel down along the curve of your ass, the slight sting of your welts from earlier making you tense and nibble at your lower lip. “Sexy. It’s hard to keep my hands off you.” 

“Katsuki might… get upset if you do anything when he’s not here.” You clutched at the bottom of your dress, trying to keep it down in the front while Kirishima slowly pulled it up from the back. 

“Oh you’re right, he might. Then you’d better not do anything to let him notice, hm? He’s watching us, after all.” His hand began to stroke along your ass, groping and squeezing with a firm grip. “Damn, you have a nice ass.” 

A small squeak escaped your lips as two if his fingers slipped between your cheeks, rubbing your sex on the outside of your underwear. “Kiri… I’m… I don’t want to without Katsuki here.” 

“You sure about that? ‘Cause your wet pussy is telling me otherwise.” With aggressive movements that made you involuntarily take a step closer to the glass, Kirishima moved his hand into your underwear. Without skipping a beat, his middle and ring fingers slid into your wet cunt with ease, forcing a sweet gasp from your lips. “Oh fuck, you’re tight. It’s no wonder Bakugou’s already obsessed after only fucking you once.” 

He began to move his fingers in and out of you, slowly dragging along your inner walls, being sure to keep them curved at just the right angle. Each time he dug them into you, he pressed right into your most sensitive areas, making your entire body tingle and soft moans escape your lips. Though, just as you were about to lean forward and stick your ass out for him, he gave a small hiss in warning. 

“Don’t move, sweetheart. You want him to notice?” He quickened his pace, as if he were trying to get you to give yourself away. Resting his body against the glass using one arm to prop himself up, he appeared completely casual. Since he was turned slightly towards you, he could use this angle for better leverage, digging his fingers into you faster and deeper. “But it’s not just him. Everyone down there can see us.” 

From down below, you were sure that there wasn’t anything suspicious about the two of you, and keeping that facade was completely up to you. Even so, how sensitive your body felt, and the pleasure was already beginning to make your legs weak, so you had to press your hand against the glass to support yourself. Your panting breaths fogged up the clear surface now that you were so close to it, even able to feel your hard nipples rub against the cold. It was so much stimulation so fast that you weren’t sure how long you were going to be able to hold out. 

Whining as you bit down on your bottom lip, you clenched your eyes shut tightly, digging your nails against the glass. “Kiri… please… He’ll notice!” 

“I wonder what he’ll do, then.” He began to alternate between fingering you and rubbing your clit, nearly crippling what little hold you had left on yourself. “He’d punish you, for sure, but I wonder how? Maybe he’ll spank that pretty ass until you’re crying. Or edge you over and over. Or not give you anything at all.” 

“I… please--” A moan cut you off as you began to feel yourself growing closer and closer to your release, placing both of your hands against the glass, now. “Please, I can’t hold it!” 

“Going to cum already? Let’s change it up a bit, then.” 

For a split second, you thought that he was going to completely stop as he removed his fingers from your aching and trembling cunt. Instead, you were met with a jolt of shock through your core as both of his fingers moved to your asshole, beginning to press into you without any warning. You couldn’t stop your hips from arching back towards his hand, your upper body and forehead firmly against the glass. “K-Kiri-!” 

“Ooh, looks like someone like their ass filled up, hm? What a shame Bakugou didn’t play with you here, that little squeak you just made was adorable.” His fingers slid into you up to his knuckles, bending and flexing them apart to make you moan and wiggle. “That’s it, sweetheart. You like your ass fucked?” 

“Y-yes,” you forced your eyes open, looking back down at Bakugou through the dark and flashing neon lights. He was still watching you, but there was something else. With the cover of the dark and his hips turned towards the counter, you could see him palming himself between his legs. Could he tell what was happening? Was he really getting off on it? “Kiri… I think he can tell- ah! Fuck!” Your voice cracked as he began to move his fingers within you, moving at an even quicker and more aggressive pace than he had been before. 

“He can? Well fuck, sweetheart, that means so can all the other people down there.” Kirishima moved in closer, pressing his lips against your flushed cheek, his smirk wide and eyes gleaming with enjoyment. “Can you feel their eyes on you? Watching you get off on me fingering your ass like the good little slut you are. You like being watched, don’t you?”

“I… I don’t want them all to see me! But Katsuki is… he’s watching…” 

“That’s right. He’s watching while I get to play with you. He’s so jealous he can’t help but watch, just waiting for his chance. You like that, don’t you?” 

“Yes… Yes, I like him watching me.” Your body began to rock with his movements, the pleasure building back up rapidly. “Just to know that Katsuki wants me so bad… It makes me so hot!” You couldn’t stop your voice as your hips arched further back, trembling legs spreading a bit. “Please! Please let me cum, Kiri! I want to cum while he watches me!” 

“Yeah, babe, cum all over my fingers. That’s it.” The encouraging grumble of his voice in your ear and the increased speed of his fingers within you immediately made you lose it, gasping and moaning against the glass as you struggled to stay up on your feet. The waves of pleasure that crashed over you were so intense, much more than you had ever felt just from a little assplay, but you didn’t care to try to rationalize why. 

“What a good girl.” Kirishima pressed his lips against your cheek in a playful kiss, removing his fingers and giving your backend a few light smacks. “How about we sit down for a while, hm? You need to relax a bit before Bakugou gets back up here.” 

Pushing yourself up off the glass, you didn’t think about looking for Bakugou again before you followed him over towards the couches on weak legs. You could still feel the remnants of your orgasm pulsing through your body, the slickness that you had wiped away in the bathroom once again coating your thighs and further soaking your underwear. His large, rough fingers had felt so good inside you, and although he had allowed you to cum, you were feeling severely unsatisfied and just all around… needy? Was that the right word to use? You wanted them to touch you, to hold and to praise you. But for now, it seemed as if Kirishima was perfectly content to wait a while, leaving you standing by the couches as he flopped to sit, resting back against the armrest with his legs up casually on the cushions. 

Nearly immediately, your dizzy gaze landed on the very obvious form of his cock beneath his joggers, reminding you immediately of what he had done to you on the dancefloor. Now that you could see it, your stomach fluttered with curiosity and interest, making you crave to have his cock in your hands. Walking over casually, you ignored his curious look as you took a moment to take off your shoes, before settling onto the couch between his legs. For the first time, you saw his cheeks flush, obviously having not expected you to suddenly be so handsy as you palmed along the hard length of his cock. 

“What’s up, sweetheart? Can’t wait?” 

“You’re… bigger than Katsuki?” 

Your question was met with a chuckle, Kirishima’s grin breaking his face as he allowed you to touch him. “Don’t let him hear you admit that. Not by much, but yeah, sure. Take a look.” 

With his permission, you pulled his pants down just enough to allow his cock to spring free, a shocked squeak nearly escaping your throat at the sight of him. It was true, he wasn’t any longer than Bakugou, but his girth was much more impressive. His flushed tip was pierced just as Bakugou’s had been, but he sported a bar through the underside of the blushing head that you recognized as a prince albert. For a moment, you wondered if all the band members had their dicks pierced, but that thought was quickly pushed to the back of your mind as his cock gave an impatient twitch. 

Without much consideration of the consequences, you took it into your hands, beginning to lightly pump and spread his precum around the tip and down his shaft. Kirishima gave a relieved sigh at your touch, resting one arm behind his head so he could relax and watch you. “Ah fuck… that’s it, nice and slow. Why don’t you spit on it a little, huh?” 

Leaning forward, you passionately rolled your tongue around his tip, before pulling back a bit and allowing your saliva to flow freely, using your hand to spread it down his length. The groan he gave made a smile creep across your lips as you sat back up from him, using both of your hands to stroke his cock with a firmer grip. “How’s that?” 

“Incredible. Fuck, babe… Let me see those pretty tits, huh?” 

Since your dress had low cut sleeves to begin with, it was easy for you to slip your arms out of them, before pulling the fabric down to expose your breasts to him. Not wearing a bra, they slipped easily from the tight dress, revealing your hard nipples and cute jeweled piercings. Leaning forward a bit closer to him, you continued to stroke his cock with the soft plushness of your chest around him, watching his face closely for any sign of approval. His usually smug or cheerful expression was hazed over with lust, crimson eyes watching your every move. He looked so cute and innocent, just like the man you had always seen on social media, and you loved that you had reduced him back to being his softer self just with a touch and a flash of your tits. 

Scooting your hips back a bit and propping yourself up on your knees, you leaned in and took him fully into your mouth, starting with just a sweet tease to his tip before taking him all the way down to the base. Kirishima immediately groaned and tensed beneath you, his large hand coming down to rest on the back of your head, gathering up your hair to keep it out of the way for you. “Oh fuck, damn it! Look at you, taking my cock so well. Such a good girl-” 

Suddenly, the sound of the door opening startled you both and you nearly gagged from the sudden pressure Kirishima put on the back of your head. Unable to move and unable to see, all you could do was listen to the booming voice from behind you while you tried to find some room to breathe with the cock down your throat. 

“You horny fuckers couldn’t even wait until I got back?” Bakugou’s voice was followed by the sound of the door slamming shut, along with the click of the lock. “I spend all that fucking time down there getting drinks for us and you decide to fool around without me?!” 

“Hey man, I didn’t start this! She wanted to suck my dick herself. Oh shit, sorry, sweetheart!” Kirishima released your head as you whined and wiggled to try and get yourself free, allowing you to come up. Coughing, you glowered up at Kirishima as you placed a hand over your throat, spitting the excess saliva that had gathered in your mouth onto his cock in retaliation. 

“Oh did she?” Bakugou came up behind you, putting the drinks down on the table before taking a hold of your hair and pulling you back so you were looking up at him. “And what about that little show you put on against the windows? Whose idea was that?” 

Your face flushed, stomach bubbling nervously as your fears that he could tell were confirmed. And yet, you only grew hotter, biting down onto your bottom lip as you peered up at him though your lashes. For a moment, you considered lying and saying that you had started it all, just to see what he would do, but the ever honest Kirishima spoke up first. 

“I couldn’t help it, man. She has a nice ass. But I didn’t tell her to act all obvious, she just couldn’t control herself.” 

“That’s because she’s nothing but a slut.” Still using his grip on your hair, Bakugou forced you back down so that your lips were pressed against the wet tip of Kirishima’s cock, not giving you any other choice but to open your mouth and take him in. Again, your head was forced all the way down to his pelvis, your nose pressing against his skin. As you whined, your eyes began to tear up from the pressure and uncomfortable presence deep in your throat, digging your nails into Kirishima’s hips to try and stop him from shifting beneath you. 

Struggling to breathe through your nose, you could feel your dress being pushed up around your hips, Bakugou’s free hand gripping your ass and spreading you open with no regard for the stinging welts he had left earlier that night. “Fuck, what the hell are these? Did you expect to get fucked tonight, baby?” His rough fingers stroked along your lace panties, before pulling them down away from your hips and to your thighs. “Look how fucking wet you are, too. Did that moron make you cum?” 

When he released your head, you pulled up slowly, gazing up at Kirishima to watch his flushed face and listen to his groans. Once your lips left him, you didn’t bother to spit or clean up the thick saliva and precum that dribbled from your tongue, using it to instead stroke him firmly with both hands. “Yes, Katsuki,” You choked out through your sore throat, arching your hips further up as Bakugou gripped your ass with both hands, spreading you open to watch your twitching cunt. “He made me cum while you watched. While the whole club could see.” 

“Did you like that I was watching?” Bakugou ran his thumb in slow circles against your clit. “Did that get you off, you nasty fuck?” 

“Mm, yes-” Your pace quickened, almost hypnotized by the way Kirishima reacted to your touch as Bakugou teased you. “I loved it.” 

“And how did he make you cum, huh?” The sound of a zipper and shifting clothing was lost behind his voice and the pounding in your ears. As your lips pressed against the tip of Kirishima’s cock to prepare to take him again, a moan interrupted you, your hips arching back up into Bakugou’s touch as two of his fingers slipped into your wet pussy. “Did he finger your slutty cunt?” 

“Yes,” Spurred on by the pleasure, you ran your tongue up and down along Kirishima’s throbbing shaft, your free hand pushing his joggers further down out of the way so you could cup and massage his balls. Kirishima gave a grunt, reaching down to dig his fingers into your hair again. 

“C’mon, sweetheart, tell him the truth.” 

“The truth? Tch, I bet I know what he did.” Removing his fingers from within you, they both slid up to your asshole, sinking in with ease and making your entire body shudder with a moan. “Your ass, huh? I should have fucking known. Fine, then.” Shifting his hips closer, you could feel the presence of his cock between your cheeks when he removed his hand, gripping your hips instead. “Let me fill up this slutty little hole for you.” 

Before you could truly ground yourself, the tip of his thick cock slipped into your asshole with just as much ease as his fingers, forcing a sharp gasp from your lips. Biting down onto your bottom lip as he sunk in inch by inch, you buried your face into Kirishima’s pelvis, your entire body trembling. Just as before, his size was more than you had ever taken before in either hole, and he left you feeling full and breathless. 

“K-Katsuki--!” 

“That’s right, babygirl. Moan my fucking name.” With a rough snap of his hips to start his quick pace, you cried out against Kirishima’s skin, your hand leaving his cock to instead dig your nails into his toned stomach. “How’s my fat cock feel, huh? Stretching your tight asshole-- ah fuck, baby!” As you constricted around him in response to the pleasure and his filthy mouth, he only fucked you faster and harder, his balls slapping against your clit and sending jolts of hot white pleasure through your body. 

For a while, you were completely engrossed in the feeling of his cock inside you, until a smack of Kirishima’s cock to your cheek reminded you that he was still here, too. Although it was nearly impossible for you to hold back your voice, you sat up and took his cock into your mouth again, using the pleasure to push yourself harder to please him more aggressively. 

“Ah shit! Damn!” Kirishima once again gripped onto your head, but with both hands this time. “Wait, wait! Hold still-” Using his grip on your head, he shifted his legs a bit, using new leverage to begin thrusting his hips up to fuck your mouth at his own pace. Completely at their mercy, you supported yourself with your arms against the couch, your eyes once again tearing up from the rough throat fucking and pleasure abusing your mind. The moans and filthy, lewd wet noises that came from your mouth were uncontrollable, as was the saliva and tears that coated Kirishima’s cock. 

It was painful.

It was hot. 

It was an absolute dream. 

And yet, you wanted more. You wanted these men to completely destroy you, to leave you as nothing but a twitching mess leaking their cum. 

“Want to swallow my cum, sweetheart?” 

With Kirishima’s question, you found the chance to try and get your way, giving a miniscule shake of your head as you reached up to try and push his hands off you. Bakugou scoffed, not letting up on his pace. 

“The fuck? Just cum, don’t ask her-” 

“Shut up, man, she’s trying to say something,” Allowing you up off his cock, you took a moment to cough, which was difficult behind your urge to moan and gasp in air. 

“I want both of your cocks inside me!” You finally choked out when you had a chance, gazing up at Kirishima with your flushed, teary and begging expression. “Please fill me up with both of your cocks! I need them!” A squeak escaped your lips as Bakugou grabbed you by the arms, pulling you up against his chest as his hand wrapped around your neck. 

“Beg harder,” He growled in your ear, one hand gripping your breast as he fucked you harder. For a moment, your mind went blank with the pleasure, unsure of what you had even wanted outside of Bakugou’s dick buried so deep inside of you. The pleasure in your core was near cracking, and as you looked down at Kirishima to see him pumping his own cock at the sight of you being ruined, it only spiked higher. 

“I want you to both fuck me! Please! Please, Katsuki, I’m begging you! I-- aah, fuck! Fuck!” Leaning your head back, it wasn’t another second before you came hard, your body tensing in his grip and rocking back against his hips as they also came to a stop from how hard you squeezed around him. Giving a low growl in satisfaction, Bakugou held your body tightly back against him, digging his cock as deep into you as he could get with a light bucking of his hips. 

“Oh fuck, babygirl, that’s it. Such a naughty bitch, cumming from being fucked in the ass like that. And you still want more, huh?” Bakugou spoke low in your ear, and although you were beyond high on the release, you found it within yourself to nod. 

Smirking against your cheek, Bakugou removed his cock from you. “Fine then.” While you were still trying to regain control of your dizzy mind, he gave you a rough nudge, forcing your weak and trembling body to fall forward onto Kirishima. The redhead caught you by the arms to help you steady yourself, giving an annoyed huff as he guided you up to straddle his hips. 

“Watch it, man! She could have crushed my dick, then I’d be outta luck!” 

“Shut the fuck up. I’m sick of waiting, if you don’t get a move on, I’m kicking your fucking ass out of here.” 

“Boys, boys.” You pushed yourself up on your arms so you were balanced on all fours, smiling down at Kirishima through your lustful haze. “There’s no need to argue.” Reaching down between your bodies, you took hold of Kirishima’s cock, holding it steady as you ran your dripping wet sex along it, teasing your sensitive clit. “I’m here for you both to use me. As much as you want.” Looking back over your shoulder, you caught Bakugou’s glare, though it quickly flicked back down to your hips as you began to lower yourself down onto Kirishima’s cock, letting him slip into your pussy slowly. “You like watching, Katsuki?” 

Bakugou scoffed, his face flushing. “You’d better fucking watch it, whore. Don’t forget who owns your stupid ass.” 

“But I love it when you watch me,” You let out an airy moan as Kirishima filled you up all the way to the base, not leaving a single inch of you untouched. “Just to know that I turn you on so much without even having to touch you. Even if it’s another man… Even if it’s Kiri’s fat cock inside me. It makes me so happy, Katsuki.” Steading yourself with your hands against Kirishima’s stomach, you began to roll your hips, sighing and cursing softly from the pleasure. “Fuck, so big! Both of your cocks are so big and perfect!” 

As Kirishima gripped onto your hips tightly, he was immediately taken over by the euphoria he felt being buried so deep within your wet pussy, using his strength to guide your body to start bouncing on his cock instead. “That’s it, sweetheart. Fuck, your pussy is so tight!” It wasn’t another few seconds before he couldn’t resist thrusting his hips up into you, holding you steady as he ravaged your wet and clenching cunt at his own pace. He was hard and rough, slamming into you like a man starved, desperate for the pleasure and release he craved. “You’re such a perfect little slut.” 

Now forced to lean forward, weak arms propping you up on either side of his body, you allowed him to fuck you as he wished, each slam of his tip against your cervix blurring your vision with white sparks of pleasure. The way his thick cock filled you up and his piercing rubbed against your inner walls was building up your pleasure so rapidly that your body became completely weak, arms collapsing under you until you were laying on his chest. Somehow, you found the mental focus to look over your shoulder, your body flushing hotter at the sight of Bakugou eagerly pumping his own cock, his glare locked on the way that Kirishima was using you. 

“Ka- Katsuki,” You choked out through your moans, doing everything you could to keep hold of your mind for just a moment longer. “Please watch me while I cum! Please! A-ah! Kiri, w-wait, I--!” As the redhead grew rougher with you, there wasn’t anything you could do to hold back the pleasure any longer, and your orgasm ripped through your body like a spark of lightning, making your entire body tense and tremble. “Fuck! Fucking hell, that fat cock is so fucking good!” 

“Damn right it is, sweetheart.” Kirishima landed a hard smack to your currently unmarked asscheek. “You like being fucked by big cocks?” 

“Yes… I’ve never had cocks like this though…” You turned your face more into the skin of his chest, ignoring the sweat and drool. “Both of you… So perfect…” 

“We aren’t even done with you yet, sweetheart.” Taking hold of your ass in both hands, Kirishima spread you open, addressing the blond that still sat behind you, who was oddly quiet and patient. “C’mon, man. Let’s give her what she really wants.” 

For a moment, you felt embarrassed at the fact that Kirishima was holding your cheeks apart, your pussy still stuffed with his cock and your asshole twitching in anticipation. Looking over your shoulder again, you caught Bakugou’s gaze, the pleading expression in your eyes instantly bringing a wicked and excited smirk to his lips. That initial embarrassment spiked, holding your breath as Bakugou came in closer, taking over the task of holding your ass open. 

The tip of his cock, hot and blushing with the need for his own release, teased your tight, unoccupied hole, the feeling of his frenum piercing rolling across your skin bringing a whimper from your throat. You wanted it so much that it was nearly painful to have to wait like this. You felt powerless in the situation, only able to wait for them to decide to begin, and the anticipation was making your stomach flutter and roll. The butterflies escaped your lips with the sound of a small plea, barely audible even by you, but Bakugou was quick to take notice. 

“What’s that, babygirl?” 

“P-please…” You pushed the word out with your strangled breath, still watching him from over your shoulder. “Please don’t make me keep waiting!” You bit down onto your bottom lip as his thumb rolled over the waiting hole, teasingly dipping it in to the first knuckle. “Mm... Katsuki--” A sharp gasp escaped your lips as he landed a rough spank to your already bruised and abused cheek from earlier that night in the dressing room, the spike of pain making your body tense. Kirishima groaned and wiggled beneath you, his hips bucking lightly impatiently as your core squeezed tightly around him in reaction to the pain. 

“Aah fuck! Shit, sweetheart, don’t squeeze so tight like that, it’s hard enough not to fuck your brains out right now.” 

“What’s the matter? She’s too tight for ya?” Bakugou landed another hard, full palmed smack to your ass, forcing a sharp moan from your lips and your tensing body bringing Kirishima into another series of squirming. “I’m surprised you’re still in this, you’re usually a two-pump chump!” Then, the instant your body calmed, he shoved his entire length into you in one fell swoop, his hips meeting with the red plushness of your ass. “Fuck… How can she be such a perfect little slut?” 

The sudden feeling of being so full knocked all the air out of your lungs, your back arching to try to accommodate them both, digging your nails into the fabric of the couch. Your mind was so overwhelmed with the pressure that you could barely hear Kirishima snapping back at Bakugou for the insult he had given him, only hearing the sound of his voice without comprehending words. They were both buried so deep inside you that you worried you might split apart if they started moving, and with that realization, another came to the front of your dizzy mind. 

You’ve never had two dicks inside you at the same time. 

Never. 

With how excited and desperate you had been for it, the men must have assumed that you had and weren’t going to go easy on you. You wanted to speak, to say anything to tell them the truth, but you found it nearly impossible to pull enough air into your lungs to speak. They were about to absolutely ruin you, and you wondered in that moment if you’d be able to take it, or if you’d beg for mercy with the first thrust. 

It was Kirishima who moved first, thrusting his hips upwards slow and shallow, forcing a cry from your throat and your eyes to clench shut, hiding in his chest. “Shh, sweetheart, we got you.” Since Bakugou was holding onto your hips, Kirishima’s hands were free to caress you, one on your side and the other on the back of your head. With his tender touch, however, came longer strokes of his cock inside you, the overwhelming presence pushing tears from behind your closed eyelids. “Just breathe.” 

Bakugou, however, was not as merciful. He picked up on Kirishima’s rhythm, pulling himself all the way out to the tip before plunging back into your tense and constricting asshole. Bakugou hissed, digging his fingers into your plush hips, his blunt nails stinging your skin. “Fucking hell, babygirl, you’re just sucking me right in. Damn-!” A groan escaped him as he picked up his pace, your body starting to rock between them as the skin of his pelvis slapped against your red and abused cheeks. 

“A-ah, Katsuki-!” You nearly screamed out in shock, though your face was still buried into Kirishima’s chest. “Not so fast! Please!” 

“Oh no, babe. You begged for this. We’re giving you exactly what you asked for.” 

As if picking up on a cue, Kirishima also increased his pace, until they were both thrusting into you as deep as they could possibly get, hard and fast. Though, with their increased pace came a new feeling washing over you, pushing past the dull, uncomfortable pain. They were filling up every inch of you, caressing you and staying as perfectly in sync as they could, doing everything they could to pleasure you. And that was all you could feel. 

The pleasure. 

It pulsed through every inch of you like shockwaves, sending it rocketing up your body and down your limbs. There was no other word that you could think of to describe it besides “perfect”, and you knew that there would never be another set of men in your entire life that could make you feel this way. That could use you like this, making you feel so vulnerable yet adored at the same time. No matter the reason, these two men who you loved dearly, wanted you. 

And damn, you were happy. 

“Fuck, yes-!” You finally choked out, finding a smidgen of strength to allow you to prop yourself up on your elbows. Still, your head hung slack, your tear-filled eyes rolled up and mouth open with unending moans. “Your cocks feel so good inside me!” 

“There she is,” Deep groan reverberating in his chest from your encouragement, Bakugou increased his place, giving you another firm slap on the ass. “That’s right, you slut. Now tell me who you belong to.” 

“You! You, Katsuki-!” 

“-And?”

“-Kiri! I belong to both of you! I’m your little slut, please do whatever you want with me! Just please don’t stop, I want to feel your cum inside me!” 

If you were honest, you weren’t sure how long they ravaged you like this. You came again, before your body was just too overly stimulated, and all you could do was lay there against Kirishima’s chest, moaning and trembling constantly. There wasn’t a rational or clear thought in your head, only able to focus on their dicks inside you, and their increasingly loud moans and grunts. 

They were getting close. 

“Fucking shit-” Bakugou was barely able to get the curse out before his hips began to shutter, his thrusts becoming erratic and shallow until he released inside of you, the hot feeling of his cum pulling you back into full consciousness. You peeked at him over your shoulder the best you could through your wild hair, finding his flushed, sweaty, and satisfied image endearing. You felt so empty with his exit, but you didn’t have much time to focus on that, as Kirishima immediately scooped you up and flipped you both over so you were beneath him. 

Smirk on his lips, he bent your legs back up to your chest, his pace and depth only increasing and sending you into another round of incoherent moans. 

“That’s it, sweetheart. I want to see that pretty face when I fill you up with my cum.” 

Clutching onto his arms tightly, your nails dug into his biceps as your eyes stayed locked on the way his hips moved, almost hypnotized by the sight of his cock slamming in and out of your abused cunt. The veiny girth that was absolutely coated in your slick found no resistance, and with this new visual paired with the feeling of rapid dragging along your clenching walls, you could feel another orgasm peaking fast. “K-Kiri-!” 

“Going to cum on my fat cock again, huh? Go on- Ah, oh fuck-!” A hiss escaped through his teeth as you came, your entire body quivering, cunt clenching around him and head leaning back. Your moans hitched and shook uncontrollably, unsure of exactly how loud you were as your mind fogged over with the endless waves of pleasure paired with the new heat that flooded your core with Kirishima’s release. The redhead that pinned you down was rough with his release, his hips rutting against yours with sharp snaps and deep grinding, which only prolonged your release until you were nothing but a limp, trembling mess. 

“Look at you. You’re so damn pretty.” Kirishima’s voice barely registered in your mind, as did the clicking sound of a phone taking pictures. “Bakugou, come hold her legs back.” 

Your teary gaze landed on Bakugou as he came to stand near your head, taking your calves into his hands and pulling them back so you were further contorted. With the movement, Kirishima removed his cock from within you, leaving you feeling incredibly empty, though the heat of his cum leaking out of you was very noticeable. With a whine as your knees were pressed on either side of your head, you weakly gripped onto Bakugou’s hands, looking up at him with exhausted, innocent curiosity. Fluffy blonde hair stuck to his face that was coated with sweat, Bakugou smirked down at you, glancing over every inch of your body. 

“Fuck babygirl, you should see yourself. You’re a mess.” 

You swallowed hard against your dry and aching throat, smiling softly as your hand traveled up and down his forearm tenderly. “All… all for you.” The sound of the phone's camera going off finally got your attention and you looked at Kirishima instead, your stomach fluttering nervously at the sight of him snapping pictures of your body. “P-pictures…?” 

“I’ve never seen a pussy this pretty, sweetheart. And it’s just dripping with my jizz… Your ass is, too, with your cheeks all fucking red from Bakugou spanking you. You’re a damn masterpiece, baby. I should have recorded this whole thing.” Obviously filming now, Kirishima ran his thumb from your asshole up along your cunt and to your clit, dragging the mess of cum with him. After a few teasing rolls of your clit, he brought his thumb up to your mouth, not even having to say a word before you opened wide to suck the digit clean. “Damn that’s hot.” 

“Save that recording shit for later. There will be plenty to shoot back at the hotel. Right, babygirl?” Bakugou released your legs, allowing you to close them and rest them comfortably to the side. Once your mouth was free of Kirishima’s fingers, you licked your lips, eyes locked on your celebrity crush as he gazed down at you expectantly. 

Any rational thought that should have peaked in your mind was smothered by a screaming need to stay with him, to do whatever he wanted just so that you could be in his presence for as long as possible. Before you knew it, you were up on trembling knees, turning to face him and timidly clutching on tightly to the front of his shirt. “Yes, Katsuki. Anything you want.” 

“That’s right,” Bakugou pulled you in closer, latching his arms around your torso and kissing you with a gentle passion that sent your heart racing. “You’ll do anything for me.” 

“And for me.” Kirishima came up to press himself against your back, his hands tightly on your hips as he kissed your cheek playfully. You couldn’t resist a soft giggle from escaping your lips, both of your arms wrapping around Bakugou’s torso tightly. 

“Mm, yes! Anything for both of you-” 

KNOCK KNOCK

“Hey, are you three done in there yet!? Hurry up! We have girls and more drinks, and I have to piss!” 

“The couches better still be clean!” 

Kirishima chuckled, releasing you with a final pat to your backside before hopping up and fixing his clothes back into proper place. “Shit, sorry, just a sec!” 

Bakugou, however, didn’t bother responding to them, kissing you again tenderly while pulling your dress back down to cover your hips. “I hope you’re ready, babygirl.” 

“For what?” 

“The afterparty is just getting started. I hope that partying with your favorite band will be everything you ever dreamed of.” 

“As long as I get to be close to you, Katsuki, I’ll do anything. Anything at all.” 

“That’s my good girl.”

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

okay great because like. you can tell i'm a garcello simp but i saw you describe swap! garcello and my brain went "Bring Him Inside" so. maybe there's like a really big storm (we still get hurricanes up here) coming and garcello is, well. outside because that's where he lives. but reader finds him and can tell that underneath the brooding edge there is some very broken stuff so they offer to let him weather it out with them and they get to know him through that

Glad I assembled the Gar simps haha.

Tbh I'm not sure what to make his past about (Swap!Pico has the same story as normal Pico). But I'm open to any ideas!

Anyways, enjoy ^^

...........

"So whatdya want? A BB gun for self-defense? Or to get back at some petty bitch? Or maybe you want-?"

"I was just gonna ask if you had somewhere to go in case this storm kicks up later on."

"....huh?" Garcello looked up at you, perplexed as he gradually closed his trenchcoat, concealing the stash of weapons hidden inside.

You made a good point about a storm approaching, considering it was already getting windy.

But for you, a complete stranger, to be concerned about a lowlife like him? He couldn't understand why you'd care so much.

Usually people only approached him to either say "get lost" or buy some contraband. Besides that, he was a dangerous man. You obviously knew that.

Shouldn't you be more careful?

Your question seemed to confuse him, though judging by his grubby appearance and the fact you've seen him on the streets a lot, it was likely that he had no place to go.

"I don't suppose you do."

"Ah...no." He finally answered. "I've been survivin' out here for a long time. Selling guns n' shit..and taking on..tough jobs." For some reason he was afraid to tell you he was a murder-for-hire.

But why would I care if they knew or not?'

"I see..well..the nearest storm shelter is far from this train station so...how about we weather it out together?" You suggested with a smile.

Garcello blinked, unsure if he heard you right the first time. When you elaborated that you offered to let him stay at your place till the storm passed, he was stunned for a moment, but his expression quickly shifted back to a neutral one.

"You sure? You're so willing to let an armed assassin into your home."

"I don't suppose I'm on anyone's hitlist, am I?"

"No but-"

"Then I'm not worried." You chuckled. "Besides, storms get brutal around here. Nobody deserves to be stuck outside all alone."

There you go again. Hitting him with such kindness and compassion that nobody's ever shown him. He was certain that you wanted something out of this..but he won't know till he accepted your offer.

And he did after much internal debate, following you back home. He kept telling himself it was only temporary; the moment he saw sunshine outside he'll be gone and out of your life.

...........

"So how do you like your tea? Hot, cold, or...?"

"Iced..if it's no trouble." Garcello answered as he sat awkwardly on the couch in your living room space.

Only an hour or so after arriving, the sky darkened and rain was beginning to pour down. He just gazed out the window, thinking about why you let him stay here.

Any sane person would've refused and already locked their doors. Heck, he didn't even need to talk to terrify people--looks alone did just the trick.

All the scars on his face plus a constantly looming shadow obscuring his eyes were enough to make a little kid cry.

Though as you handed him the tea he requested, you didn't look afraid in the slightest. Maybe a bit wary, of course, since he is a stranger who sold contraband. But you weren't trembling or avoiding his gaze.

You were treating him like a friend.

As you sat down, too, you noticed him tugging on his coat, seemingly sweating. "All that stuff you're carrying must be heavy, huh?"

"Yeah..but ya get used to it." He muttered.

"You can take that off if you wanna be more comfortable..I-I promise I won't steal anything." You stammered as he quickly glanced at you. "You can put in the guest room closet."

"..you have a spare room?"

"I mean..you might be here all night so...c'mon I'll show you where it is."

Together you got up and ventured to the guest room. It was a small size, but Garcello was still surprised that you'll let him have this entire space for himself.

Regardless, he shrugged off his coat, being careful of the few weapons he had on the inside, before putting them in the closet. Afterwards he breathed a sigh of relief, glad to have some weight off his shoulders. He checked his belt loop for the uzi that he kept on him at all times.

If he lost everything else, he'd be perfectly content with this one gun.

"So..I did go food shopping beforehand so there's plenty to eat here. I don't know what you're allergic to or what you like but-"

"Alright cut the bullshit."

You looked at him, confused. "..come again?"

"You must got a high priority target or..just...just something on your mind." He mumbled, shutting the closet door with trembling hands. "Nobody offers all of this to me and not want something in return. So quit acting so friendly and tell me what you want."

As he spoke, he turned around to scowl at you. But the more he talked, the more you could sense something besides..anger in his tone.

He seemed rather exhausted and confused--as though he needed to repay your hospitality. It made you wonder what this man has been through to make him assume your kindness..was some façade. You knew he wasn't being rude on purpose.

"Maybe..your name?"

"..my name? That's it?"

"Yeah," you smiled. "I'm [y/n]. It's only fair that we get to know each other since we'll be stuck here for a while."

"That's..true. Name's Garcello." He muttered. "Sorry for gettin' snappy. I'm just not used to-"

A crackle of thunder interrupted him, making him jump as he glanced at the window. The wind and rain outside began growing louder.

"Hey."

He looked back at you, seeing you offer a hand. That warm smile was still plastered to your face. "You seem pretty cool, so you can stay for as long as you want, even when this storm passes. You're safe here, Garcello."

Safety. That was rare to come by. For the longest time he just wanted to feel safe somewhere and not always be on the run.

But to know that he didn't need to kill anyone or sell anything to hear that reassurance made his eyes sting.

"Th-Thanks, [y/n]." Garcello took your hand and shook it once, before letting go.

It felt strange to contact another person without inflicting violence on them. 'Is this what it's like to have..a friend?' He wondered, even though deep down he worried about getting "too attached" to people. His job couldn't afford such sentiments.

But maybe this time..

He can stop worrying.

[reidgraygubler]

the threat is gone (spencer reid/reader)

Title: the threat is gone

Requested: yes, was a request someone sent to @imagining-in-the-margins, but I took it off her hands :) (Reader is being threatened by an unsub and is given safety instructions by reid that she disobeys out of boredom, so when the threat is over she tries to joke/lie/argue her way out of trouble but he’s in total dead serious fbi interrogation mode and calmly hauls her over his lap and doesnt stop til she’s crying hard and has told him everything and then he comforts her n from there whatever)

Couple: spencer reid/fem!reader 

Category: angst, slight smut (either way, minors dni)

Content Warning: swearing, dishonesty, being spanked (to the point of tears), aftercare, D/s dynamic, reader being a brat, usual criminal minds case stuff, post prison & post series!reid, implied age gap (10 years),  use of a safeword

Word Count:  3,901

Summary:  Spencer sends Reader to a safe house after she’s threatened by an unsub. Reader decides to take her fate in her own hands and leave the safety. When Spencer finds out what she did, there’s hell to pay

A/N: happy easter to those who celebrate! pom (aka @imagining-in-the-margins​ )posted this in her discord and said if someone had any ideas for this, we could have it. and i loved the request so i took it off her hands. also thank you to @newportonmymind for beta reading this for me!! thank you all so much for the support! i really do appreciate it. check out my masterlist!

{***}{***}{***}

“Anderson and a cop are going to take you to a safe house,” Spencer looked down at me. I shifted on my feet as I looked up at him. My heart was in my throat. I didn’t think this unsub was that bad. 

“I’m not going to a safe house, Spencer. Being here is probably the safest place I could be. By your side… With the team,” I stepped up to him as I grabbed his hands. He looked down at me, a certain frustration in his eyes. 

“His victims are too much like you. We’re not taking that chance, I’m not taking that chance. Do you understand?” Spencer’s voice was low as he spoke. I swallowed roughly as he placed his hands on my shoulders.

“Yeah, yeah, fine, I understand,” I scoffed and shrugged his hands off my body. Spencer looked at me, watching as I collected my belongings. 

“Please, just trust me,” his voice was soft. I looked up at him, putting my bag across my body. 

“Yeah, of course, Spence, I trust you, wholeheartedly,” I smiled at him. He didn’t believe me. Granted, I didn’t exactly believe myself either. Why would I? I’m being snappy and sarcastic, and dismissive to everything he said. “I’ll be safe. Anderson and a random cop will be with me. Do not worry,” I went up to him before pressing my lips to his. 

“It won’t be for long. We’ll be back home before you even know it,” Spencer smiled, resting his hands on my hips before kissing me again. “You’ll listen to me and Anderson, understand,” he kept his tone soft and quiet, but still held authority.

“Yeah, yeah! My life is now in his hands. I wholeheartedly trust you and Anderson,” I whispered as I kept my eyes on him. He looked down at me, his honey-like hazel eyes watching every detail on my face. Part of me wondered why he stared at me the way he did. Was he memorizing every little detail of my face, just in case something happened to me?  Nothing will happen to me, that’s the whole reason why he’s having me go to a safe house with Anderson. 

“I love you,” his voice wavered slightly with his words. It was clear he was trying to not let his emotions show, but was also obviously losing. 

“I love you too,” I smiled before pressing his lips to mine for the briefest moment.

“Sorry to interrupt,” a voice came from the doorway, forcing Spencer and I to part. I swallowed roughly before turning to look at the door, seeing Anderson leaning against the doorframe. “But we’re ready to go,” he looked between Spencer and me.

“I’ll see you soon,” Spencer lifted his hand to my face, gently holding my cheek in his large palm. I swallowed roughly and nodded. “And don’t forget your promise. Follow your orders, and be a good girl,” he whispered the last part so only I would hear it.

“Ye-yeah, yeah… We’ll see you soon,” I repeated what he said before kissing him one last time. As much as I didn’t want to, I stepped away from Spencer’s body and followed closely behind Anderson. The cop that was behind us held a jacket over my body to hide my identity and keep me hidden from anyone unsub. 

“We’re going to stop at your place before we go to the safehouse, so you can get some clothes, toiletries and other belongings,” Anderson looked over at me once we got settled in the car. I glanced over at him and nodded.

“Yeah, okay,” I swallowed roughly and nodded, “Will we be able to stop at a store too?” 

“Everything you should need, food and entertainment, should be at the safehouse when we arrive,” Anderson backhandedly answered my question. I furrowed my eyebrows as I stared at him.

The rest of the drive to the apartment was tense and silent. It was almost like we were in a library. Any sound or comment that was made, any breath that was breathed, felt wrong and I should be executed for it. But, that would kind of defeat the purpose of me going to this safehouse, right?

“Be quick, we only have a few minutes. We have to be on the road before dark,” Anderson looked at me as we both walked up the steps to the apartment complex. I glanced over at him and nodded lightly.

“Will do,” I nodded as I pulled out the keys and unlocked the building’s door. Anderson stayed standing outside the building, by the door, as I went inside.

The apartment that I shared with Spencer was a mess, but to be fair it was mostly Spencer’s mess. Books, papers and files scattered over any surface. And if there was an exposed surface, it was occupied by a coffee cup. At the office and on the road, Spencer is neat and organized, but at home, when his walls come down and once he’s in the zone, the organization goes out the window. Teaching tended to take a back seat; the papers that littered the room (and office and bedroom) consisted of papers he has/is supposed to grade.

I think the only organized room was our bedroom. Even though no one else ever entered that room, he always had it pristine. He knew where everything was, and if one thing was out of place or out of line, he’d know in an instant. We had come to a shared agreement that the bedroom was for bedroom activities only. If we could keep work stuff out of our room, we would. Our room was the only truly the only place we had control, hence the cleanliness and order of it.

I was quiet as I grabbed my backpack. Shoving my clothes into it, I muttered strings of profanities. Spending time in stupid safe house sounded like pure hell, absoulte boredom. Why would he think I would be okay at a safehouse? I could be useful at the office, and safer too. What’s safer than being with the team, not to mention with Spencer?

With a deep and resigned sigh, I threw the straps of my backpack over my shoulders. Anything to make Spencer happy, I suppose. I was a brat, but this didn’t seem like something to fight him on. 

I quietly exited my home and went back outside, where Anderson was still waiting. 

“Ready,” I looked over at him, feeling a fake smile grow across my lips. Anderson looked at me and nodded before taking the lead back to the cop car. I looked over at him and nodded as the car finally jerked forward and took off. 

If I thought the drive to the apartment was bad… The drive to the safehouse was worse. If I had known it was going to be a 1 hour drive, I would have fought harder. This time around, I could sense that Anderson was trying to make some sort of an effort to make me feel better about this situation. But it was clear it was a fail of an attempt too. He kept talking about the things he enjoyed rather than common interest, or small talk. Yes, Spencer could do the same, but at least his factoids were adorable or at least relevant.

I almost felt bad, because I had honestly stopped listening to everything he said. I’m not sure when I stopped listening, sometime around the time he started talking about baseball. I take back what I said about Spencer, this was far worse. I swear, I actually liked listening to Spencer ramble on and on when he info dumps. But Anderson… 

“Anderson,” I looked over at him, cutting him off as he spoke, “Please… For the love of God… I know you love baseball… But you have got to stop talking for five fucking minutes,” I took a deep breath as I stared at him. He looked back at me before closing his mouth and nodding. 

Thankfully, the rest of the drive was silent. I almost couldn’t believe how quiet it was. And, I almost couldn’t think of a time where it was silent for such a long period of time. I suppose in the moment I was thankful that things were turning out the way they were.

“Here’s your bedroom,” Anderson spoke cooly as we walked past a room. I looked over at him, feeling my exhaustion spread through my body. “Rest all you want. There’s some books that Spencer sent over that you could read. As well as movies you could watch,” he looked over at me. I looked back at him and nodded.

“I think I’ll do that… Everything that’s happened today… I’m exhausted,” I laughed nervously as I entered the room. Anderson looked at me and nodded, watching as I closed the door. I pressed my back to the door once it was shut, clicking it locked with a sigh. 

My eyes scanned across the bland room. It consisted of a bed, a night stand, a lamp, and a window. Of course, all safe houses are basically empty homes. Fake houses that looked lived in, when in reality they were nothing.

But then I looked back at the window… We were only an hour away from the apartment… Surely I could...

“Like hell I’m going stay in this stupid safe-house with Anderson,” I scoffed before rushing over to the window. I threw it open so fast I was worried I’d broken it. I didn’t have every step of my escape planned out, but I knew I had to get out of here. I knew I could think on my feet, so the spontaneity didn’t faze me.

I had to be quick as I had to make sure that Anderson didn’t clue into what I was doing. Because the second he knew that I wasn’t in the the safe house anymore, was the second Spencer knew, and then I’d be in big trouble -- worse than if the unsub were to catch me. 

“Okay, okay,” I whispered as I patted down my pockets, feeling for my phone and wallet, trusting that everything else that I needed would be in my bags. I’d be back by the end of this case. I wasn’t exactly running away, I was just getting away because this was stupid. The safest place I would have been in was with Spencer and the rest of the team. I knew that, and I knew Spencer just needed reminding that I was right.  

‘I wasn’t running away,’ I thought to myself as I looked out the window. It wasn’t a far jump. 3 yards at least. I wouldn’t get hurt by that, should I? 

I glanced over my shoulder, just making sure no one was watching me, before finally jumping out the window. I grunted when I landed on the ground. Then, I was off.

There was a coffee shop not far from the house. That was my destination. And then from there, I’d get an uber or taxi back home, or shopping, or someplace else. As long as I was away from danger, I was okay. 

I could feel a certain anxiety grow up my throat the further I got from the safe house. It wasn’t because I was afraid that I was going to get hurt. It was because of Spencer. I just wasn’t sure how he’d take to that news -- but I could take an educated guess. It was honestly a matter of time before I go-

Spencer Calling…

I stared at the screen, looking at the picture of Spencer and I at one of Rossi’s fabulous parties. I swallowed back my fear and anxiety, and took a deep breath of courage before pressing answer.

“Hel-”

“Where the hell are you!?” Spencer growled as his voice came through the speaker. Fear… Fear grew in the pit of my stomach, and it was hard to breathe. “I swear to God,”

“I’m fine! I’m safe…” I returned as my steps slowed on the sidewalk. I didn’t totally answer his question. I didn’t really want to tell him I was at a coffee shop 5 minutes away from the safe house. Because then he’d have Anderson on my ass in a second. 

“That doesn’t answer my question, and you know that,” Spencer snapped back. I froze in my tracks, my heart beating harder than I could control. “Where are you? Make me ask again and I won’t be nice,” 

“Spencer,” I started, my voice low and shaky, “I can’t tell you,” I shook my head. I could hear the breath of air that Spencer let out, and it only scared me more.

“If you’re not back at that safe house in 20 minutes, you will have the biggest punishment. Do you understand, Princess?” 

“I’ll be safe, Spencer,” I muttered. I stared at the ground for a long time as we both stayed silent. It was hard to say how long passed, but it was a while. “Bye Spencer,”

“If you hang up, I swear,” he started but I didn’t get to feel the end of it before I hung up. I swallowed roughly before continuing my trek towards the coffee shop as my phone buzzed continuously.

{***}{***}{***}

“Where were you again?” Spencer asked, just to ask. He didn’t forget. The man he is? He’d never forget. Especially something like this.

“Coffee shop and Library, I thought you would just have Garcia track me.” I mumbled as I waited for him to unlock the door. My stomach was slowly churning the longer he took to unlock the door. Although, I was okay with how slow he was. The slower he took, the longer I had before the punishment.

Spencer huffed out a breath of air and shook his head. I stared at him, watching as the door finally unlocked and was pushed open.

“Do you have any idea how irresponsible that was?! How… How much danger you were in?!” Spencer shouted as we both entered the apartment. I glanced at him as I made my way to the couch.

"C'mon, I was probably safer at the library and coffee shop anyways! Bastard knew I’d go to a safe house and our apartment," I shrugged as I flopped onto the couch. Spencer looked down at me like he was the parent reprimanding their disobedient child. Granted, that’s kind of how our dynamic was when we weren’t at work or it was a normal day. I do have to admit though, I was wrong for not going where he wanted me to.

"You directly disobeyed me. Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?! How could you be so reckless!? You have no idea how scared I was when I heard you weren’t at the safe house,” he shouted, but as he got closer to the end of his sentence, his words got quieter and his voice cracked. I looked up at him, the feeling of guilt suddenly eating away in my stomach. 

“I’m sorry… I don’t know what else you want me to say or do, Spencer…” I muttered before shrugging. I glanced at him as he stood on the other side of the coffee table. He rolled the sleeves of his shirt, quietly muttering something as he went. “Spencer, look, I said I’m sorry… I’m home and I’m safe…” I watched him with anxiety bubbling in my stomach.

"You disobeyed me, put yourself in danger,," his voice was low as he stood up. I watched as he walked over. The hairs on the back of my neck were instantly standing, and I could feel goosebumps grow all over my arms. “Sorry just isn’t going to cut it,” he looked down at me. I looked up at him, and I knew exactly what he was about to do. So my next question was redundant.

"Wh-what are you doing?" I looked up at him. My heart was suddenly in my stomach as he lowered to my height. I tried to look anywhere but him, but that was hard when he placed his finger under my chin, coaxing me to look at him. I tried my hardest to not look up at him, but it was so hard to not look at him. He was right there and he was my favorite person to look at. But, to be fair, when he was mad it made me a little nervous.

"Well, you decided to go and break my instruction. And you know what happens to little girls who disobey their rules," he kept his voice low as he spoke. I dropped my gaze to my lap as he sat beside me. A shiver shot down my spine as I locked eyes with him… In that moment, I knew I was done for...  

"Wait, Spencer," I exclaimed as he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me so I was lying across his lap. I lifted my head and looked up at him with wide eyes “Spencer! Spencer! Wait! Please!” I struggled as I squirmed in his lap. I wanted so badly to just slide out of his arms, but the way he held me made it damn near impossible to slide away from him.

“I’ve asked for an explanation and you didn’t provide one,” he spoke cooly. He kept his hands on my back, and not going any lower than my hips. I took a moment, struggling to breathe as I thought of why I left the safe house and Anderson. 

“I was just bored, okay? I was bored. And thought it was stupid that you had me leave the office and the team to go to a safe house,” I tried to wiggle from his grip again, but failed when his hold on me tightened. I swallowed roughly, hoping my truth telling would work, but I had a feeling it wouldn’t.

“Is this the truth?” Spencer asked, his tone somewhat overly nice. I bit my lips together and nodded lightly.

“It’s the truth, I swear, Spencer, it’s the truth,” I whispered. I knew telling the truth would lessen the harshness of his punishment. And, maybe it would. He does know when to be gentle.

“I’m happy you gave me the truth. But that still doesn’t mean it was okay to disobey me, you know that, don’t you Princess?” he whispered as he brushed down my hair. I let out a deep sigh before reluctantly nodding. 

“I know,” It was inevitable at this point. I owned up to my mistake, and now I need to own up to the punishment. And I knew exactly what was going to happen. 

“I’ll go easy on you, okay?” He kept his voice low. He knew if his voice was any louder, I’d instantly back away from all of this. “I think ten strikes is appropriate... Do you agree?” 

I would rather have less, and Spencer knew that too.  But if I argued he’d only add more. Which was worse than the ten he already offered. I knew that after he’d be okay and it’d be over with.  Fuck, I already wanted it to be over.

“Yes, sir,” I sighed deeply. I lifted my hips enough for him to pull my pants down over my bottom. My chest tightened as I tried to take a deep, shaky breath as I anticipated the first strike. 

My ears could just barely pick up the soft rush of air from Spencer’s hand before it landed hard against my bottom. I took a sharp breath of air and dropped my head down to the cushion.

“One…” I whispered as my hands gripped his pants tightly. I swallowed roughly as I tried to steady my breathing. Spencer gave me a moment to breathe before giving me two and three in a quick go. Four came after a brief moment. But then… Five was when it started getting shaky for me. Tears had started rolling on my face between three and four, but it didn’t start becoming trouble till five.

“Five! I understand! I swear! I’m sorry!” I cried out once his hand connected hard with my ass for the 5th time. And, okay, that one hurt, like a lot. I couldn’t tell if it was the sting that hurt, or the repeated assault on the sore spot… But I knew it hurt. With each strike, I could almost feel Spencer’s anger and anxiety. I definitely felt bad about doing what I did.

I don’t know if I’ll make it to ten...

“Just five more,” Spencer spoke softly as his hand carefully massaged my butt-cheek. I could tell he started feeling bad. But, we both knew he had to follow through with it. 

His hand whizzed through the air and smacked against my ass. A loud crack came through the air, and a sharp gasp fell from my lips. And, that was it. I definitely don’t think I’ll make it to ten. This was it. 

“Buttercup!” I shouted as my eyes snapped open. I could still feel the tears burning down my cheeks. Before Spencer could make contact for the 7th time, he stopped. He kept both his hands away from my body as I moved away from him. With that, we were both silent for a minute, as I tried to recalibrate my breathing. 

Spencer looked over at me, sensing his sudden change in demeanor. His anger and anxiety was gone and replaced with a guilty panic. The atmosphere changed.

“Are you okay?” Spencer asked after a minute had passed. I was, painfully, sitting on the next cushion away from him. I needed my space. I bit my lips and nodded as I roughly wiped my cheeks. 

“I’m okay,” I whispered looking back at him. I watched as he slowly lifted his hands, offering both of them for me to hold. I stared at them for a while before just falling into his sigh, a shaky breath, almost a sob, going through my body.

“I got you; you’re ok, you’re safe. I was so worried. You have to understand how dangerous it was for you to just leave like that. I thought I was never going to see you again,” Spencer whispered, bringing a hand to run over my hair. I bit my lips and nodded.

“No, I know… I’m sorry for… I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. I don’t even know… I should have just stayed at the safe house,” I whispered as I pressed my face into his shoulder. I felt as he let out a deep sigh and wrapped his arms around me, resting and hand on my lower back. 

I was happy he didn’t mention how I told him the truth a little bit ago. My body could feel the exhaustion from the whole day. It wasn’t just the punishment, or the little bit of arguing, or even the running away. It was everything combined. I needed sleep soon. Spencer knew that too.

“Why don’t we go into our room and cuddle,” he whispered as he continued stroking my hair. I sniffled lightly before laughing. Just like he was reading my mind. He knows me better than anyone. “I just want you safe in my arms.”

“Yeah, yeah, I think I’d like that a lot, actually,” I looked up at him. Spencer smiled at me before lightly pressing his lips to mine. 

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