#and its also nice to have an image to visualise!!

[kitisms]

created some picrews as a little devotional activity for how i interpret nyx and aphrodite !! 💜🩷

picrews used:

sushicore! https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/257476

toon me! https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/1944831

[joocomics]

LOSER(S): part two

read part one here

pairing: youtuber!theo x fem!reader

genre: smut — mdni! wc: 4.4k

summary: the charming guy running the youtube channel you enjoy watching mostly because of him and not the games he’s playing, moves in the apartment across from yours, and turns out to be the biggest asshole you’ve encountered in years

contains: neighbours au, enemies to lovers trope, dom!reader, brat tamer!reader, banter, unprotected sex, dirty talk, masturbation, overstimulation (m!rec), oral sex (m/f), light humiliation kink (m!rec), face slapping (m!rec), name calling

Taeyang lost count of how many times he had to sit down to play the same game from the beginning in the last three hours.

He adjusts the camera on its usual angle, hits record, only to toss his headset across the desk ten minutes later, and just stare stupidly at the computer screen.

It’s been a week since you slept together and he hasn’t been able to get you out of his head. Not only does the fact you’re constantly on his mind torturing him, but also the images that come along with the thoughts of you.

Your hand wrapped around his neck. Your breath sticking to his mouth as you call him names, bad names, mean words that would infuriate him in every other situation, but not this one.

And the more days fly by, the more those images seem not enough for him anymore. He begins to expand on them with moments where you slap his face while you ride him. Or his cock - it probably hurts, but that’s the new thing that he’s been curious about what it would feel like from you.

He wants you to punish him for all the sleepless nights you had because of his games; for all those arguments you’ve had in the middle of the hallway; for all the times he slammed his door in your face.

Taeyang opens the little drawer of his desk and pulls out the panties you let him keep from that day. It won’t feel as exciting as the first time he used them, because they’re straight out from the laundry and they don’t hold your scent anymore, but it’s better than just his bare hand.

He feels stupid; really stupid. But the embarrassment fades down the moment he covers his semi hard on with the delicate lace you wore the afternoon he fucked you.

He’s never watched any videos where the man is submissive, or gets humiliated and commanded. He’s never had any interest in experiencing anything like that, until now. Until you.

His moans slip from his lips more and more desperate in the silence of his room. His eyes are squeezed shut while his mind visualises your naked body once again; your hands and mouth are everywhere on him all at once as you use him for your own personal pleasure.

“Fuck… p-please, please, please—“ Taeyang whispers in a rush over and over again, as if you are here forcing him to ask for permission to cum.

He breaks down in his chair as the rush from this new unfamiliar fantasy brings him to his peak. The pair of panties, now messy from his orgasm, are wrapped around his cock and he holds them there for a moment till he calms down.

He has to try to film next week’s video again, but all he can think about is what the fuck did you do to him.

It was just a hook up.

There’s nothing wrong in having some fun once in a while. What does it matter if it was with the youtuber Choi Taeyang who also happens to live next door? You had a nice time together, and it won’t happen again, because you can’t stand each other - even after having an amazing mind blowing sex. Especially after that…

Nothing has changed. In fact, everything remains the same, except that he for whatever reason decided to do some of the talking online.

“You’re talking shit about me in your new video!”

Taeyang remains silent for a few seconds, because at first he doesn’t remember doing such thing.

“Oh, I think you mean the video before the one I uploaded today… The one from today is the new one.”

“I don’t care.” You throw hands in the air. “Will you please explain where that’s coming from?”

Taeyang folds arms in front of his chest while skimming your body up and down in the most obvious way. You’re wearing a pair of comfy shorts and a graphic tee; so different than all the buttoned up shirts and fancy trousers he always sees you wearing for work. Judging by the look, it doesn’t seem like you’re planning on going out with anyone although it’s Friday night.

Not that he cares.

“I filmed that before we slept together.”

“Because that makes it better?”

Realising that this conversation isn’t going to end soon, Taeyang opens the front door fully and steps aside to let you in.

You try to avoid looking around too much, but you can’t deny that you’re curious about what the rest of his apartment looks like. It has a nice fresh scent that instantly adds to the welcoming atmosphere of his simple interior.

“I thought you’re familiar with my filming schedule.” Taeyang follows close behind you.

You are, but he doesn’t need to know that.

He moves your hair carefully to the side and you feel his lips trace your skin from your shoulder all the way to your neck. It’s such a small portion of skin, but it makes your whole body crave him.

“I don’t keep up with your channel anymore.” Your voice starts softening at the subtle contact of his tongue. It brings back the memories from last week, and your heart flutters at the thought of repeating it all.

You force your legs to take a few steps forward, and you leave him hanging. Wanting to make him work for it a little bit longer, you begin to explore the living room in the mean time.

“I wouldn’t have known about it if a friend of mine didn’t send me a clip of you ranting about the annoying neighbour that makes you want to jump from the window, because she made it her life mission to ruin your whole life.“ You glare at him for a moment before taking a seat on the middle of his couch. “It wasn’t hard for her to figure it out.”

Taeyang smirks, as his tall figure stands in front of you, blocking the view of the multiple posters at the wall.

“So you talk about me to your friend, I’m flattered.”

“Not nice things,” you cross one leg over the other, acting as if you’re oblivious to his gaze that’s focused on you, “so don’t be.”

The perky smile doesn’t leave his face when he squats down, locking eyes with yours. His hands swiftly separate your legs, and that simple act alone brings an insane amount of arousal into your body.

“You did made me want to jump from the window that day.” He comments, gliding his palms up and down your bare skin. “But I was also hoping you’d come back, and you did.”

His mouth now roams along your inner thigh through wet kisses, as he speaks, while his hand caresses the outer side of it.

“Do you know what’s the most annoying part of all of this?”

“Tell me,” you say, trying to keep your tone firm and relaxed despite the warm need that’s forming in the pit of your stomach.

You sense his right hand playing with the fabric of your shorts, sneaking under it to feel your panties. They make him impatient though, and after he grips on the waistband you quickly lift up just enough so he can pull them down.

“There isn’t a moment when I’m not turned on by you cussing at me. You’re so fuckin’ hot when you’re mad at me, doll.”

You feel the tension in the air getting thicker from his words that accompany his needy touch.

“You like being scolded, hm?” You rest your hand on top of his head, as you feel his tongue sneaking through his lips. The sudden wet contact provokes your legs to spread wider at the possibility to feel it closer to your heat.

Taeyang swipes his flat tongue along your cunt that’s hidden from your thin underwear. His palms press against your hips, as he buries his face further, humming as a response.

“Easy, Tae,” you chuckle.

The nickname surprises him, and he pulls back to find your eyes.

“I need you.” His voice softens as he speaks out the words.

You’ve never heard this tone from him before.

“I need you so bad, Y/N.”

“Do you promise not to talk shit about me ever again?”

You lift his chin even higher with your index finger while he stays on his knees for you.

“Promise.” He replies with a smirk which disappears so quickly from your thumb tugging on his lip that you almost miss it.

It’s surprising how easily he succumbs to your control. It almost feels like he’s playing with you, and you test him again with another question.

“Will you do as I say?”

Taeyang nods staring back with lust in his eyes.

“Words.”

“Yes, yes, beautiful…” He stops talking when you slide your fingers through his lips, and continues, after you gather some of his saliva. “I will.”

“I didn’t expect to see you so obedient, Tae.” You push your panties to the side and spread the moisture all over your clit, mixing it with the one that’s already been wetting your folds. “I like this version of you.”

“You got me this way, doll.” Taeyang follows the slow motions of your fingers, and his mouth waters at the sight. The memory of your sweet taste invades his senses. “Let me help you feel good.”

You guide your foot up and down his thigh, as you build your arousal in front of him.

“What can you do for me?” You ask, knowing that talking is the last thing he wants to do right now. You lead your leg to his crotch area where the contour of his erection calls for your attention. It starts twitching beneath the fabric of his sweats the second it feels the pressure of your foot.

“Anything you want, baby.. shit—“ His mouth stays open when you start stimulating him by rubbing his length. “Just tell me, please. Wanna taste you so fuckin’ bad.”

“Oh, baby, you’re leaking already,” you pout at the dark stain that appeared under your foot. Taeyang can only whine, as the place you keep rubbing in a rapid speed gets hotter from the pleasant friction. “You look like you really need to cum, pretty boy… too bad I prefer to cum first.”

Taeyang’s attention goes back and forth between your daring eyes, and your fingers gliding through your squelching entrance. He’s slowly becoming more and more submissive, and you can’t stop gushing over how hot he looks in this kind of desperate state.

“Wanna make you cum first, gorgeous…” Taeyang mutters, but his hips jerk up, needy to feel more of your touch. “Can I?”

“You can,” you reply, seeing his gaze lit up. “Go on, put that dirty mouth to good use for once.”

After moving your hand away, Taeyang leans in and attaches his tongue to your heat with the same force he did the first time. It makes you gasp, and hold the back of his head as the imensive pleasure flows through your body.

The difference is in the sounds that manage to escape from his mouth as his tongue devours your slickness - they’re not intense, grumpy groans, but vulnerable blissful ones, and you try to stay calm so you can hear more of them, but you can’t hold the emotions in for long.

“Oh, f-fuck, Tae—“ Your fingers tangle around the roots of his hair and tug from the way he digs even deeper into your cunt the moment you start to shake. Your arousal trickles down from your folds. “Oh, fuck, just like that…”

Provoked by your pretty moans, Taeyang pulls you down a bit, focusing the tip of his tongue on your clenching hole. He slurps eagerly from your leaking pleasure before licking a stripe all the way to your clit.

You don’t need to tell him to go faster. He can tell you’re close by your loud pants, and the way your face twitches, and your spine bends. Your toes curl in the air the moment he dives back in to suck on your sensitive bundle of nerves meanwhile his two long fingers slide inside you, rubbing your walls.

“S’ close—“ You choke on your whines, as your hand keeps him as close to your clit as possible.

The quick way his fingers work in and out of you in sync with his lapping tongue bring your orgasm just a second later, and Taeyang tries his best to keep your body steady on the couch with one hand as you squirm from the sensations.

His own hitched sounds get lost from your overwhelmed voice that echoes throughout the room in a high pitched tone. You stopped caring about who might hear you through the thin walls a long time ago.

You realise amused that Taeyang still gathers from your juices by open mouthed kisses even after you come back to your senses.

“That’s enough, you had your fun.” You take his jaw and squish his flushed cheeks, observing his swollen lips and sharp chin that’s messy from your arousal. As much as all that turns you on nothing can compare to the dazed look in his eyes - like he’s ready to take anything you give him.

“There isn’t a moment when I’m not turned on by you cussing at me.” His words from earlier echo into your mind. “You’re so fuckin’ hot when you’re mad at me…”

“You’re so pathetically horny, I don’t even have to ask if you’ve been using my underwear to get off.” You slightly raise your brow, then grunt at the shameless smile that creeps up on his lips. It earns a light slap on the cheek. “Such a loser.”

At this point Taeyang is one hundred percent sure he’s leaking through his boxers. He’s so turned on that he’s grateful for every small friction he gets from the cotton fabric that’s repressing his cock.

“Filled them with my cum three times.” He adds through his puffy lips that still glisten with your essence.

You try to cover up your half-smile caused by his cheeky attitude through a huff. You slap him again, but harder, and he presses his tongue against the inner side of his cheek.

“You liked it, didn’t you, perv?”

“I fuckin’ loved it.” He responds, successfully maintaining eye contact. You can feel the heat coming from his stare and it makes you feel dizzy, like you just took five shots at once.

The smacking sound fills the room again, and Taeyang’s head tilts slightly to one side. His bottom lip is tucked between his teeth; his skin runs hot.

“Three slaps for the three times you used my panties like a desperate whore.”

You lean back comfortably on the back of the couch, trying to ignore the way your heart races from what just happened, but also at the image of him masturbating with your lingerie.

You tell him to strip, and he quickly gets rid of his clothes, leaving them crumpled up on the floor. After his slim figure hovers over you again, his big cock enters your vision. You lean forward and run your fingertip along its length, feeling its warm skin and every vein.

The instant twitching when you reach his tip that’s oozing deliciously with transparent essence, makes you bite your lip playfully. You give it a light feathery touch, and suddenly the only thing on your mind is to make Taeyang break down from pleasure. To milk him dry.

“Sit down.” You command, switching places with him. “No touching from now on, got it?”

“Got it.” Taeyang responds, and you notice his one hand going towards his balls, as you kneel between his legs.

You grab his wrists roughly, forcing his eyes to shoot back at you.

“You’re not allowed to touch me or yourself.”

You release his arms, hearing a sigh of disappointment. For a moment he doesn’t know where to put his hands and the awkward way he finally drops them on top of his thighs makes you laugh.

“Not used to being a submissive boy, huh?” You tap his leaky tip at the centre, and Taeyang’s tummy clenches from the sensitivity.

The ringing sound of you mocking him makes his heart flutter which doesn’t help the burning in his core cool down.

He stays silent, but judging from his dark gaze that’s solely focused on your hand hovering over his desperate erection, makes you feel like you’re both thinking about the same thing, so you do it - you give his cock a light smack.

“Fuckk—“ He sucks in a sharp breath. He bites on his lower lip with force, throwing his head back while the shocking thrill fades down. “No… I’m not.” He admits noticing you getting closer to his shaft.

He wants to snap at you to take it, but another part of him wants to indulge in this new game that you introduced to him; a game where he waits and receives whatever you decide to give him.

“You’ll learn. You need some taming, Choi Taeyang.” You give him one last glance, then release a thick string of spit on his cock before taking it in your hand.

You forgot how heavy he feels and your thighs already start rubbing against one another. You stroke it up and down slowly, appreciating the way it looks under the control of your fist.

“Such a big nice cock for someone who doesn’t know how to behave properly, tsk…” The speed of your hand quickens, and Taeyang’s chest starts to rise rapidly, his fingers form two strong fists. “What a waste,” you spit out bluntly, smearing the precum even faster.

You have to admit, you enjoy this dominant role more than you expected.

“Ahh, s-shit…” Taeyang’s built up desperation becomes even more apparent now as his tone gets mellow from the stimulation. The rush inside his tummy grows bigger with every next twist, and every new remark you decide to throw at him.

In the middle of his moans he turns quiet; too baffled from the sudden wrapping of your lips around him to say or do anything. His jaw drops as he finally gets to experience what your tongue feels like glued to his dick.

“Y/N—“ he sighs, running fingers through his hair. His tongue swipes his lips at the arousing sight of your head bobbing up and down his length; your small fist helping out by twirling around what you can’t fit inside your mouth.

Not that you can’t fit the rest of him. You can, with a little bit of effort and inevitable choking. You just don’t want to yet. He’s fully aware of that.

Taeyang’s instant reflex is to hold your head, but he stops himself on time, and his palms return to rest on both sides of his body, meanwhile, you keep humming around his throbbing erection. The amount of saliva dripping from your lips coated all of him nicely, making your hand drag along even more smoothly as you aim for his climax.

The warm void of your mouth feels so unbelievably good he starts to feel woozy, losing his entire trail of thoughts.

You gasp for air once you finally peel off. A string of drool connects you to his angry red tip before you break it off by furiously pumping his cock.

“Come on,” you encourage him, as you don’t stop jerking him off close to your charming face, “cum like the desperate boy you are, Tae…”

And like that, hypnotised by your voice and the way you use that nickname, Taeyang lets it all out. The thick ropes of cum shoot all over his stomach while his heavy eyes stay shut, and his balls clench overwhelmingly.

You bite on your lip, patiently baring your own heat between your legs as you watch him cum all over himself. Your eyes trace all the way up to the veins on his neck, and his parted lips that drop heavy pants.

Taeyang tugs on his own hair finally turning his attention back to you. He seems high, and his heavy gaze follows lazily the way you stick out your tongue to taste him, after his poor cock hits his tummy, all flushed and smeared with sticky liquid.

“Mmm, you taste nice.” You mewl, passing your flat tongue over his stomach to collect the thick essence, taking it down your throat. “I could’ve let you cum in my mouth, but I don’t think you deserve that yet.” You leave a few wet kisses around his bellybutton before sucking lightly. Taeyang humms, and glances down only to see that you’ve licked all of his seed to the last drop.

“Hope I can earn that privilege.” Taeyang’s deep voice makes your heart swell with how raspy it suddenly sounds.

You bring your hands up his chest, teasing his left nipple with your manicured fingers.

“Give me one more and maybe you will earn it sooner than you think.”

When he sees his softening cock going in your hand again, a shocking thrill shoots through his core, and it makes him wince in his seat. His muscles tense all over again at what’s possibly coming.

“Shhh, it’s not that bad,” you burst laughing at his widening eyes. He noticed his own words coming out of your lips. “I know you still have more to give me…”

Every time you smile amused at his dick he gets butterflies in his tummy like a teenager falling in love; for a moment he didn’t even grasp what you’re asking of him.

“Fuck, wait—“

But it’s too late. You’re already getting back to twirling your fist, eager to feel it hardening in your palm.

Taeyang leans his arms over the back of the couch, giving you a nice view of his throat that keeps gulping after he tilts his head back.

You stay kneeling between his feet, gliding your fist in a merciless pace. You want to make him cum again, and you want to do it as soon as possible. The wet noise mixes with his hitched breathing, he’s not even making sounds anymore; the new rush that’s building up from his sensitivity doesn’t allow him to do anything else except try to control his heavy breaths.

“Oh my god,” Taeyang lifts one arm and takes his fist to his mouth. He can feel the familiar sensation inside him bubbling up, fast and intense. “Fuck, gonna cum again-“ His voice cracks just as his thighs start to tremble around you. “Please, take it in your mouth, p-please, Y/N, shit—“

Your fingers keep up the pressure around his thickness and a moment later they’re dripping with mess again.

“Oops, I forgot.” Your bottom lip puckers out in a fake pout, as you still hold his member trapped in your fist. It’s so pathetically red and swollen. You blow on it once, and Taeyang squirms before finally facing you. “You came too quickly, pretty boy. You left me no time to put it in my mouth.”

His raspy low voice mumbles something in the lines of you’re doing it too good, and you tell him that he’s just too weak.

You don’t give him much time to regain control over his breathing, and your lips stretch out to take him deep into your mouth.

The fact he’s lost in the warmth of your small mouth again has Taeyang’s mind turning blank. He’s sensitive in general, and when you begin to move all the way down to his abdomen after he just came for the second time, completely makes him crumble.

For the first time you hear him whimper; yearn.

It’s obvious he’s trying his best to maintain his calmness, but at this point it’s impossible. Everything becomes too much for him - your tongue twirling around his cock head, the sucking and lewd slurping as you keep up the insane rapid speed that has the living room spinning in front of him. The bumping against your throat. The gagging. The vibrations from your choking, because he’s too big for your mouth, but you keep pushing yourself on him anyway.

You breathe through your nose a few more seconds, as you keep his tortured tip inside your throat. A tear escapes the corner of your eye. When you empty your mouth, inhaling deeply, you notice that Taeyang’s cheeks have falling tears too.

Your tongue glides on the side of his hard slick length as you prepare to stuff your mouth again, but you want to enjoy the captivating sight of his face coloured by pinkish tones, and half lidded eyes gleaming with tears, a little longer.

Despite feeling on cloud nine, Taeyang gives you a lazy smile that makes your heart skip a beat.

“What is it?” He looks down at your figure with anticipation.

You shrug shoulders, then tilt your head slightly.

“I’m just surprised to see you like this.”

You don’t realise how his features hypnotise you; how they get you to forget about the role you’re playing, until you feel his hand around your neck. The movement, not rough at all, lifts your chin while he leans down parting your lips with his own.

The open mouthed kiss steals your breath; it fulfills all the cravings you had since you got here, but it grows new ones too.

You stand up and Taeyang swiftly settles you on his lap. The feeling of him filling you up in that moment is a delightful relief you’ve never felt before. You uphold yourself with hands on the back of the sofa while his mouth finds support in the crook of your neck.

“Ah, Tae…” You mewl at the way he pleases you in all the ways you possibly need. “Fuck, I love it…”

Taeyang holds his breath for a second, as you start to quicken the bounces. His hands scrunch up your shirt around your waist while the way your slippery cunt swallows him so perfectly has him thinking of cumming as soon as possible. But he can endure it; despite the burning overstimulation that makes his heart race, and his whimpers stuck at the back of his throat.

He has to.

“Cum again, doll, I’ll wait…” He bites the spot under your ear while his husky voice, coming out so uneven and shaky, sends you shivers. “I promise.”

! please do not repost, copy or translate my works

! please keep in mind that english is not my first language. i apologise in advance for any mistakes i’ve might missed

[entroart]

Hi there, just a few things

Hi, I'm an artist, and I'm plural too :3. Or at least, I think I am? It's complicated. There's a lot of denial all the time.

You don't have to say anything that you don't want to of course, and answer in as much or as little detail as you'd like to.

So my questions are like.

1) How has being plural affected your art journey?

Im asking this because I have really bad executive dysfunction, and find it extremely hard to actually do what I want to do, meaning not much art practise, but I know that my other alters don't have it as badly.

2) How is your system communication? How did you make it better if its good.

Our communication is very.... poor. There's 3 definite alters, including me, and maybe a couple more, but I never hear about them so idk. Either way, even between just the three of us, I almost never hear anything from the other two. Apparently they have better communication between each other, but idk how true that is cus I can't really ask them.

3) Can you visualise things? I have aphantasia, and it makes me need a lot more references for when I am occasionally able to bring myself to draw. I'm interested to know how it works without that inhibition.

Thank you very much for reading, I love your art and wish all of you the best. <3

Question Barrage!! 1. Well to be fair is mostly everyone doing their thing. Bridget is trying to learn how to art to help me so thats nice (lemme show her progress)

Other alters also draw, for example Abyss that tends to do fruits

Or one of our littles Chain that did art yesterday

So each alter different art and stuff, I think thats how I can answer that question. 2. Our communication is alright, we can talk to each other easily and dont need to write for that, so in that regards fine 3. Yes, we can see a 3D image and rotate it (shit is frustrating cuz then not being able to properly draw makes me feel horrible)

[leithillustration]

Chivalry is (un)dead

Help! I need your opinions!

I haven’t made any moves yet to add Simon into this piece yet because, frankly, as much as I love the guy, my urge to draw Baz fan art is so much stronger and visualising him as a knight was very much the driving force of this piece. I’m a terrible person, so I also can’t resist a pun, thus why I’m now considering editing this illustration so it looks more like a tarot card with the ornate words ‘Chivalry is dead’ (or undead, haven’t decided yet) in the background.

What do you guys think? I’d like to maybe do some prints of this piece, but without any kind of framing or text it feels a bit unfinished.. but I’m worried adding a pun makes it a bit more niche given you need to know this is an image of a vampire knight to get the play on words. Should I make his teeth pointier and bigger to make it more obvious? Or perhaps writing ‘The Vampire Knight: Chivalry is Undead’ would work better? Both??

I’m not so fussed that on its own, this isn’t obviously a Baz fan art. Like, with the pun you don’t need to know it’s specifically Baz to get it- but if you do know, it adds a nice extra layer to it..?

(For those who didn’t see the original post about how this artwork came about, it was part of 2023 @carryon-reverse-bang)

Tags under the cut

If I’ve tagged you, it’s because you’ve tagged me in things and even though I am awful at keeping up with posts, I am so so excited whenever I get tagged and I love seeing your posts, so thank you!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Or if you haven’t tagged me, I may have added you because you liked my work at some point and I thought you might be interested/willing to share your thoughts. As always, no pressure at all to reply and if you’d rather I didn’t tag you, please let me know. No hard feelings 🥰

@you-remind-me-of-the-babe @youarenevertooold @iamamythologicalcreature @alexalexinii @rowynnellis @hattedhedgehog @that-disabled-princess @orange-peony @cutestkilla @rimeswithpurple @larkral @best--dress @scribble-tier @theimpossibledemon @katatsumuli @artsyunderstudy @raenestee @nightimedreamersworld @itriednottothinkaboutit @elfvictory

[ottercakesart]

I cannot visualize imagery in my mind, nor can I visually remember any imagery from past events. I can think of what I want to draw as words, I know what it looks like, however I simply cannot see it in my head at all. It's empty nothingness to me. This is why I struggle to draw without an aide, reference of some sort. Apparently this type of thing is called Aphantasia and is actually a common thing.

I cannot remember a time when I was ever able to see things visually in my head. It’s always been the norm for me to be this way, so I struggled in freehand drawing when I studied visual arts. I struggled when I had to draw, paint or make sculptures or prints freehand on the spot without my laptop to go look for references.

Within my head I can think of concepts, feelings and auditory thoughts, but I cannot see it appear in my mind. I could think of something to draw, maybe I want to draw a handsome young man, he might have long blue hair and beautiful blue eyes, perhaps he has certain features as well but when I think of this, I cannot see it. I cannot imagine in my head what he looks like even though I might have the perfect thoroughly thought out description of him. I know what the colour looks like if it makes sense, but it still does not show up in my head when I think of the colour blue. I do not have issues with my visual memory bank, I can memorise things fine but I cannot see them when I think of them which is such an odd sensation when I try. I know what it looks like but nothing comes to mind. Its like how sometimes you know that word at the back of your mind but cannot recall it in the moment, but for me its my visual imagery in my head all the time.

When I was younger, around the time I studied visual arts, I used to panic and feel inadequate or incompetent as an artist. I have cried so much over the feelings I felt due to not being able to use my "Imagination." I would stress out quite alot and quite easily when I would try to force myself to think and try to visualise it. I would sit there for the entire class unable to see what I want to draw in my head and if I was stuck there without reference I would simply have to draw shapes to work off of. Sometimes my teachers would give us a scenario to draw and it would have a great description but I was never able to see it in my head so I had to do multiple storyboards and conceptual work and work with what I was able to see with my eyes rather than my mind.

My spatial imagery is fine, I can tell the difference and know the size, location, and position of objects without issues as long as I can see it with my eyes via my art, I simply cannot see it in my head. This is the main issue which can cause me a tremendous amount of stress sometimes as I want to freehand draw something without reference but when I try I get upset with myself being unable to get things right first go because my proportions might seem whack cause I was unable to put my mind on the paper from thinking of my words or concepts without a visual or I cannot visualize where the creases would go and how many depending on the thickness of the clothing. It’s a real struggle.

Another way of explaining would also be reading. I like reading books, but the novels I read, I still cannot imagine the characters, the scenes, what's happening and put an image to the words in my head, what they look like etc. If they had pictures, that often helps me to “make sense" of what they look like but even so, I am unable to see in my head what the words describe, so I very much prefer visual novels, webcomics and movies. Reading is fun if there are alot of images to see, without images I cannot get into the book and It feels almost bland to me.

It's frustrating because sometimes I might be drawing, I really want to make nice art and I kick myself in the foot over not being able to express myself easier than what I am doing. Why can I not see what I want to draw in my head, I know some anatomy, enough to draw but I cannot see the character in my head at all. I also have trouble visualizing numbers in my head, so I am quite bad at mental math. My memory is trash so I struggled with memorising things at times too. I can imagine smells, tastes, and sounds fine, but I cannot see anything visually in my head. The more I pondered on this while I was studying, the more stressed and scared it felt to me. Others would excel in certain areas compared to me whereas I would be slower without an aide of some sort.

I tried hypnosis once, it was nice and calming to listen to someone talk but it felt like a drag because I could not imagine for the life of me whatever it was they were trying to get me to visualize. Probably not for me.

I rely heavily on reference images unfortunately. Like I cannot draw from a single reference alone for one piece of my art. I have to have maybe 10-20 pieces of reference material before me otherwise I am unable to make something unique to me and it would simply be a copy. I am great at drawing from life and great with detail if I have something right in front of me. However despite enjoying life drawing, I want to be able to design characters and draw these characters with ease- It would be perfect if I didn't have to rely on reference material for this, it would make it so much easier to transfer my concepts onto my canvas but alas life is not easy. It’s also another reason why my art when I start something, is quite messy in the initial stages of design.

I am able to dream and see imagery in my dreams but a majority of the time it is not vivid, I usually would not recall images in my head from dreams despite knowing or understanding how the dream went and 99% of the time I do not fully remember my dreams.

Just as I am unable to visualize events of the past, I also cannot visualize or imagine the future as images in my head. When I try, its nothing. I just know I am thinking of a concept, situation or event and its usually thought of as words in my head and not imagery.

I wonder if anyone here can relate at all.

[miabebe]

miaaa😔

i have a lot on my plate these days. being a junior in college sucks. i was like “is college really this hard? it’s messing up my career plans”.😭😭 universe knows how much i hate it when unplanned things happen. that is why i barely got time to check in.

also, my head hurts reading the lectures i need to review, i cannot take any more information right now so i decided to unwind. i made this wheel of names kinda thing but with your fics, and the grand winner that i’ll be re-reading is when you’re convenient series. i love that trope, perfect for a few mins break in between studying. i also read other reader’s asks and i feel proud coz of the praises they send your way. i feel like a mother having her child win an award.

btw as a writer, how do you deal with writer’s block? because there are times my brain completely shuts down when i have to write a paper for school and such. i hate it when it happens, especially if i got the time and energy, but not the idea. and it is for academic writing. how about you, as a creative writer? what do you do? coz i know creative writing is harder than academic writing. you have to capture the right emotions and sensory images that you want your reader to see, hear, feel. plus the pressure of wanting to create a better masterpiece. i really wanna know your take on this, but the decision to answer this or not is up to you, no pressure.

i yapped a lot today because i missed you (and my freedom). as always, i hope you are taking care of yourself. lovelots mia🫶

Hi Zen, how are you my love <3

I'm so sorry to hear that university is being so hard on you - it's totally okay that you're not here more frequently, you should be taking the time off for yourself! Ooh the When You're Convenient series - that is a personal favourite genre of mine too! If my fics can give you a little solace and distraction, nothing makes me happier <3

hahahah yesss people who read my stories have been really nice and generous with their reviews over the past few months - I spent a lot of the initial months here putting out fics in the void so to hear some feedback has made me really really happy and motivated to write moreeee

If I'm being really honest, I think academic writing is a lot harder than creative writing particularly because there's a deadline? When it comes to creative writing that pressure isn't there for me so I can allow myself to take a break when I am not feeling creatively driven?

Writer's block generally hits me when my personal or professional life aren't going too well so first I take some time off to deal with that properly before I invest time again in writing. Coming back to writing after that break tends to be hard too - then I usually re-read my own work to get familiar with my voice again. Just closing my eyes and visualising the scenes or listening to music I associate with the fic also really helps me to get into the headspace to write!

The biggest roadblock comes when I have to write parts that are necessary fillers for the plot but I don't feel particularly interested in writing? I'm still figuring out how to navigate around that tbh - usually one day I find myself having a little more patience and energy and just push myself to get it done haha. I can't really give any suggestions on how to overcome this :(

But if I have to give any advice for academic writing I'd say good planning and research always helps! Even though its extremely exhausting and time taking, I tend to spend longer on the planning than the actual writing - reading a lot of related material helps with flow of words and ideas. (For creative writing I tend to do the opposite - I don't read much because I get so influenced by other's writing style, I tend to lose touch on my own one?) I just tend to dump all my ideas in one document and work my way through it but of course, this is how it's been beneficial to me - everyone has their own style and way of doing things so you should try to find a way that works for you Zen <3

[spatialsog]

Week 3:

TASK 3: Site and Artwork Digital Visualisation

Concept: You must make a digital spatial work that engages with a predetermined concept of your choice – or one that evolves from your material play during this workshop. This written concept may range from a single sentence to a short paragraph

Context: These are the particular background circumstances/scenario in which you would prefer your work (and its concept) to be read. You should clarify the context for your work in a few sentences, as required. This context may be predetermined or may emerge from your material play in the workshop.

Process: Cut elements from chosen planar forms out using the Photoshop selection tools, and composite them into your site using layers and masks to form an imagined site-specific spatial work. You may wish to also simulate shadows consistent with the light in the source image and the objects you are inserting.

Form: A spatial artwork that speaks to your concept and its context. This proposed work should accord to basic rules of gravity and could be feasibly fabricated and installed in real life.

2 Artists I've considered this week:

'Please Be Seated' (2019-2021) Paul Cocksedge

I am reminded of the work of Paul Cocksedge I first saw online a few years ago. This work stuck with me as something that really changes the way people are interacting with space- particularly in the busy streets of London where fast-paced living is part of the culture. The work has separation of people, but they are all connected in the eternal shape of the circle from birds-eye view. The piece itself feels more like a work of architecture, but the use of it and the intention of it does become a kind of art. Site plays a big role in the realisation of this concept.

Kimsooja. To Breathe – A Mirror Woman

Kimsooja is a multidisciplinary artist. In this work she transformed the Palacio de Cristal, Parque del Retiro in Madrid into a contemporary multisensory experience by adding translucent film to the windows and playing a track of her breathing throughout. The film created rainbow refraction throughout the site. This artwork is relevant to this week because of the site specificity of using an existing place and rethinking its possibilities, as well as the planar nature of the panels.

My work...

Concept: My idea is to introduce aspects of nature into man-made material, and to introduce that man-made material back into the environment. I want this to create conversation and be a usable and practical part of university accommodation.

Context: Here is the site I have chosen- Whilst this is not necessarily a completely urbanised or barren place, this university accommodation courtyard is lacking any real seating place which might give cause to interact with this patch of nature.

I wanted to use imagery of tile steps I had found during my travels in Japan that were adorned with florals to create seating.

Process: I was attempting to incorporate another image that I had of stone tiles into this work, but ultimately it became somewhat messy and I stuck with the simplified idea of the flowers.

l spent hours creating a chair that used the orange tiles as part of its composition before realising that the outcome was completely different, and for the full effect I needed total floral tiling.

This is the final result of the chair, and I am quite happy with how it turned out. It seems nicely emerged into the space and succeeds at the concept/context points I was trying to hit. A lot of the feedback that I received about the work is that it was not 'soft' enough to meet my intended purpose, and the suggestion was that I round out the tiles. I can see this as potentially being true but even just using perspective warp to create flat squares took probably 4-5 hours. So I will be leaving this here for now.

Introducing another mirrored chair into the space. Also experimenting with 'hiding' it behind another object (the village center sign) to make the space more realistic.

[2024idpgroup14]

Developing the Experience

Angelique Shelley (MA Concept Art)

Blog Post # 5

After our feedback with Ian and Neil about surrealism, I thought about changing the planets to eyes. Eyes can be often be found in surrealist work, such as The False Mirror, 1928 by Rene Magritte.

Fig 1. The False Mirror, Magritte, 1928.

On describing the effect of using eye(s) outside of their usual context, renemagritte.org (n/d) describe the effect of her particular work as such:

"The image jolts the viewer by removing the eye from its usual context, presenting it without the face to which it belongs. It further disrupts expectation by placing a circular sky inside the otherwise ordinary oculus. Sometimes called magical realism, such juxtaposition of normally unrelated objects within a seemingly incongruous context is characteristic of much of Magritte's oeuvre. For Magritte and Surrealists working in a similar mode, these surprising, even bizarre combinations were considered the products of their unconscious minds. By visualising them, the artists believed, they might also touch the unconscious minds of their viewers."

Other notable surrealist artists that enjoyed using eyes in unsettling ways were Salvador Dali, and Max Ernst.

I picked up the Maya project where I had left it off because of technical reasons. I found a free model of an eye on Sketchfab (see fig. 2), because it was modeled in Blender, I had some difficulty assigning the textures in Maya for the Arnold renderer, the main issue was the transparency mask for the cornea. I got the mask working with a Phong material (see fig. 2), but Arnold didn’t read it properly. In the end I retextured it using an Arnold material and assigned the bubble preset material to the cornea faces, the effect wasn’t as nice as the masked Phong though.

Fig. 2 I first textured the 3D model, Eye Blend, Vinny Passmore, 2019, with a Phong material.

After duplicating the eyes along the camera path that I had set up earlier I realised that they looked too static and thought that it would be more engaging for them to aim to look at the camera. Again, before this project my existing skills in Maya was limited to basic modeling so after looking through various forums and tutorials I found how to create aim constraints for the eyes to follow the camera. From an outside view of the camera zooming down past the eyes, it looked great and far more interactive (see fig. 3). 

Fig. 3 A Playblast showing the aim constraints programmed onto the eyes.

During this time, I also played with different camera settings. I ran a test render of the spherical camera (see fig. 4), but that would be a lot of wasted render time after cropping into it. In the end, I chose an Arnold Fisheye camera. 

From inside the camera, and in my render, I thought the always-tracking-you eyes looked almost 2D and fake like sprites from old 3D games that always faced the camera and the result was less impressive than I had hoped.

Fig. 4 A still from the spherical render with aim constraints on the eyes, I would need to crop into it too much for it to be efficient.

I then decided to leave some eyes not looking at you which looked more 3D but I still wanted it to look more unsettling. I rendered them off but had trouble getting the alpha channels out of Maya into a png. I troubleshooted to no avail then noticed a few forums telling people to use a white surface shader to act as a layer mask in After Effects. I applied this to an alternate Maya save file and set it so that the eyes were white on a black background, rendered it, googled how to apply alpha masks in After Effects using a luma matte layer mode (something  that After Effects must have changed this year as it was no longer a drop down menu item but rather a toggle button that I had to find).

This is the result with added blending:

Fig. 5 A GIF showing the eyes composited into the wormhole.

I could not have them at the same speed as the wormhole as they would pass by far too fast. The motion blur that I added to them in Maya did help embed them slightly more though.

I was still not totally happy and thought that it would be more visually engaging to have the eyes blink open at you in space. Having recently learned about the surface shader luma matte workflow I figured that if I duplicated the eyes, split them across the middle, applied a black surface shader, and keyframed both hemispheres to open and close that I could get it to work in After Effects. Unfortunately duplicating the eye broke the black eyelids from aim constraints towards the camera. I again did some more digging and found that duplicate special and duplicate input graph made the eyes face the camera again. Unfortunately this duplicated the camera too so I tested it on duplicate input connections and it worked fine. 

Fig. 6 A GIF showing the eyelid animation

Maya would crash reliably after “duplicating special” for each animated eyelid, but as long as I saved it each time I could progress. After adjusting the keyframes so that they would blink open at you just before passing I rendered them off again as an image sequence and applied them over a precomposition of the existing eyes so as to not interfere with the existing luma matte pass.

I was much happier with the result:

Fig. 7 A render of the final wormhole with blinking eyes.

References:

Magritte, R. (1928). The False Mirror. [Painting].

Passmore, V. (2019). Eye Blend. [3D Model]. Available at: https://sketchfab.com/3d-models/eye-blend-a8259f43d41e4204a7e9746dfd112c30 [Accessed 09 February 2024]

renemagritte.org (n/d). The False Mirror, 1928 by Rene Magritte. [Online]. Available at: https://www.renemagritte.org/the-false-mirror.jsp [Accessed 09 February 2024]

[whatsonmedia]

Music Monday: 5 Latest Tracks & Tour Dates to Ignite Your Week!

Get ready to groove with an electrifying musical journey curated by none other than Adam Humphries! This week's selection is an enchanting mix of bold lyrics from Ewan Macfarlane, the raw energy of Chew Magna, and the artistic brilliance of MUCA's collaboration. Feel the soulful power of Chloey Rose's anthem and the heartfelt tribute from Richard Walters. Brace yourself for an auditory feast that'll leave you begging for an encore! Let's dive into this musical adventure together! Ewan Macfarlane makes a bold return with new single - 'You're Wasted On Me'! If ever there was a song about a relationship which wasn't working because one of them knew clearly that the other half wasn't compatible, this is it. Scottish singer Ewan Macfarlane goes full on no bars hold as clearly breaks away from someone because they're too far away. Ewan's voice makes its strong presence felt which bold lyrics to match  https://open.spotify.com/track/78uG5XQZpgQ8PFqM4gbgES?si=3c9715c7b6014871 https://youtu.be/oZHBXG4D-Lg Chew Magna unveil video for their ode to compulsive lying, bull-shitting and hyperbole, - 'Secrets'! British lads, Chew Magna, have unveiled their official music video for their song Secrets. One of the things that makes these types of video worth watching is that it's focused less on budget and more on basic post-edit visuals. Just four guys playing in a room whilst the camera uses double exposure techniques  https://youtu.be/8u4_JzBQSOY MUCA unveils lyric video for stunning Celeste Caramanna and Roberto Menescal collaboration! - Like This Before  First, we had the song and now we have the video, and it's done from an intriguing creative angle and has that 'wish you were here' style to it. Kind've has something of that travel-log look about it. A nice colorful, artistic image with the accompanying lyrics to the song underneath, well it is a lyrical video after all https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=px7P5gBdDXg Chloey Rose delivers powerful anthem for walking away from an unhealthy relationship, - 'Shot You Down' Model, actress, singer songwriter, there's quite a bit that lady from Lincolnshire can do, and by the sounds of this song she's definitely got the voice. No arguments there. Chloey's voice is harmonic yet strong and just cuts through with ease. Her song, Shot You Down is a powerful one in itself and is about inner courage in toxic relationships and breaking away. In a way it has a feminist element to it https://open.spotify.com/track/0ysz9wJHZA9FhSVe7DWV5K?si=0291f994b36e4fd5 RICHARD WALTERS - Releases Spacious "Anchor" Single || Taken from a new album 'Murmurate' - out 17 Nov Taken from his upcoming album, Anchor, is a soft, haunting but also melodic track which he wrote as a tribute to his daughter. Expressing feelings isn't always that easy even though Richard wore his heart on his sleeve when writing about his relationship with his daughter. When you listen closely to the lyrics you can feel the sense of wanting closeness. You can catch him on tour later this year  WATCH THE VISUALISER HERE https://youtu.be/1J-1c-z1sIs STREAM ON ALL SERVICES HERE https://richardwalters.ffm.to/anchor + UK TOUR DATES THIS NOVEMBER - TICKETS https://www.richardwaltersmusic.co.uk/live RICHARD WALTERS - LIVE DATES 2023 24 Nov - BRISTOL, The Louisiana 25 Nov - OXFORD, Jericho Tavern 29 Nov - MANCHESTER, The Castle Hotel 30 Nov - LONDON, The Grace Read the full article

[sarambcreates]

Lino prints and outcomes

As seen before here I made quite a few digital projections of pieces with the potential to be screen printed, variations of the results from both the printmaking and typography workshops. However it was incredibly hard to book for screen printing as it was full with both students from my year and others, so I decided to try another printmaking technique: lino printing. I am familiar enough for it and I can do it at home without needing to use the workshop. It would not allow for the transparency of some of the pieces I projected digitally, however for the window cleaning pattern in particular the medium is very effective. So to start off I decided to do several prints of that pattern and from there see what I can do with each successful print.

I first printed out the pattern and traced it so I could transfer it onto the lino. I did not need to do it twice as that would flip the image for me already in preparation of the print. Since there is so many lines and texture I only roughly outlined the main shapes/flows of line which would guide me when I came to carve the lines out in a more spontaneous, natural way.

carved and painted lino that was used for the prints

Being at home and without a press machine made the printing process a bit harder, however I tried my best to innovate things with what I had. I tried different techniques, from stacking books on top of the lino, to using my hands and leaning onto it to putting it on the floor and jumping on it. This resulted in a variety of different prints as I also tried to find the right amount of paint and thickness of the layer. I ended with 9 prints in total, where 3 I found to be the most successful.

I found the print by itself a successful outcome, so I decided asked someone else to help me order the top 3 from best to worst. The best would be left alone, the second best would be the backdrop for the typography piece, and the third I would improvise sketches with posca on top, inspired by the screen print visualisations I did not get to do.

For the typography piece I did the design online, playing around with the options and making sure it made a balanced triangle shape like my plan I did in the workshop. It ended up looking like this:

The free water font was picked as it was very curly and wavy, reminding of the wind and waves that the two words can evoke by themselves. The stay Hydrated was nice and big for emphasising, and the painterly stroke of the font helped it be balanced with the first font, as well as reminiscent of the original hand painted plaque in the pub.

Because I could not screen print, my second best was creating a stencil out of it. So I printed it onto thick paper so the stencil would be more sturdy, and cut it out. I tested first onto a blank sheet and blue tacked the most fragile bits, and tried it with posca, as this would allow me more control in the parts the stencil might fail, as well as easier polishing afterwards. Doing not all but most of the letters allowed me to have a significant result to make a decision if it was successful.

The result was very successful in my opinion, with the exception of two details: 1) the stencils made me lose the negative space inside some letters, but that can be easily fixed with layer other posca pens on top, 2) the second font lost a bit of its movement for losing some of brushstroke lines, but this is also something I can fix by painting on top. Furthermore I also reflected that I needed more blue tack reinforcement so that the stencil.s extremities and more thin pieces of paper do not move too much while I am doing it.

Throughout the process I realised little by little how many layers of posca I would actually need, due to needing a black outline to make the words pop out more, against the already blue background. This made me have to go over and refine it every time I made the outline thicker. I also did not realise I would need quite some layers of posca on the words as the first few kept activating the paint underneath from the print and mixing with it, but this problem was manageable by doing more and more layers upon the dried ones. The words still did not fully pop out so I had to freehand it with a wavy line that evokes the idea of running water, like I did in my original workshop. This was very hard to keep symmetrical and I had to rectify it quite a bit using more posca to remake the pattern underneath. Fortunately the rectifications are pretty seamless unless the eye is centimetres away from the paper so it is not too big of a concern.

[hannahsheppardsblog]

I looked for inspiration on the website its nice that ( https://www.itsnicethat.com/ ) and came across an animated poem which sparked ideas for me. The poem was about the nostalgia of being a child and looking back on which you used to do, like finger painting. The words behind the animation gave the image context which worked really well and created a great storyline. This is something i will consider doing in my own animation. It also caught my eye in terms of the illustrative style. There isn’t much depth but there are bright and vivid colours which may have been used to reflect on being a child and seeing an amazing colourful world around us.

Itsnicethat.com. (2020). It’s Nice That. [online] Available at: https://www.itsnicethat.com/. [10 october 2022]

www.itsnicethat.com. (n.d.). Demo Duck lends its animation expertise to visualise one young author’s poetry. [online] Available at: https://www.itsnicethat.com/news/demo-duck-finger-paintings-animation-260822 [Accessed 13 Oct. 2022].

[dave5422285]

Week 4 Studio Tutorial - Perspective Drawing

For this week we were looking at the different types of views in terms of how to present a object/product in a real world view, showing it’s solidity, shape, overall presenting its structure. These views are Axonometric, Oblique and Perspective. For this week we are focusing on perspective, and using 2-point perspective to present a chamfered cube (pre-class activity)

PRE-CLASS ACTIVITY

This pre class activity we had to make a chamfered cube, to be able to get a better grasp in perspective views as well as to help us in the tutorials exercise. Before cutting and scoring the card I practiced by cutting out the shape after printing it, then pasting it onto harder card that makes it easier for me to craft the cube. Overall it was a easy and slow process but it felt good since it was straight forward. However constructing the cube I had issues in making sure there were no holes when putting the chamfered cube together. This was most likely due to my folding even after scoring the paper. If I was to do this again I would cut some areas fully from the scaffold to have those clean corners and edges.

PART 1

Onwards to the tutorials exercise we were tasked to present this cube in a 2-point perspective, presenting the side and top view as well. Before starting this task, I had trouble grasping the technical points of the 2 point perspective as I usually free hand draw these types of perspectives before. So learning the accurate perspectives rather than estimates was a issue I was dealing with. But looking at the slide material and videos I understood the content and began to construct the views on A2 paper. Also doing sketches of how the 2-point perspectives should look like on A4 paper first helped me visualise what I needed to do but on a larger scale

After learning the step by step process of 2 point-perspective drawing it was nice to physically draw what I now understood. I thought there was certain dimensions for the gaps between the Perspective Plane, Horizon Line and Base Line, but it only mattered depending on the perspective you wanted. Being A2 size I had to change to working on a bigger table that didn’t have access to good lighting. So sorry in advance for the poor image quality as apposed to last weeks. To answer the question in the tutorial, I would’ve gotten the same perspective view given to us if my vanishing points were just a bit closer. So if I had to do this again, I would test in which vanishing points give me the best replicating view.

PART 2

For this part of the exercise we had to do the same 2-point perspective, except its just a cube and the perspective would be a bit far off in the distance. When constructing the cube I decided to still use the dimensions of the chamfer cube, to see if I can continue to create that same consistency of lines when drawing the same object to help myself for future scenarios where I have to draw a object in multiple views continuously. Constructing the cube after drawing the chamfer cube, the process was more faster than before as I've gotten use to the steps. I dont think I was able to make the cube look as if it was from a distance though. This could've been done If I brought the vanishing points much closer than before, something to remember if I do this again.

Part 3

This exercise we had to form eclipses inside the cubes sides that are exposed in the 2-point perspective. Constructing the cubes and perspectives went the same as Part 2, fast and easy to draw. I labelled the major and minor axis with different colours, orange and turquoise for easy differentiation between the two as well as to make it clear to the viewer. When forming the eclipses I had trouble getting a consistent curve on each arc when its sectioned into 4s on each side. This might've been due to my lack of practice before forming the eclipses. If I had to do this again, I would draw circles/eclipses as a warm up before doing drawings that need curves. Overall I think I went well in learning the fundamentals of this weeks content by looking through the slides and reading carefully, not really focusing on how clean lines are. If I had more time for this exercise, I would finalise the perspectives with pen.

(Couldn’t add more progress photos cause tumblr allows only 10 photos- the more you know!)

[dhwty-writes]

Congratulations for your follower milestone!!! Prompt if you like: Jaskier's first winter at Kaer Morhen and he finds out about the witcher cuddle pile in front of the fire every evening and is delighted to be invited to join them.

Thank youuu~ You have discovered my largest weakness. Cuddle piles! This was a wonderful prompt. I hope you like it :)

Read on AO3

There were certain things in Jaskier's life that fell prey to exceptionally high standards. His students at Oxenfurt, the wine in Toussaint, or the longevity of the colours of his doublets to name a few examples. But all of them were dwarfed by the looming shadow that was the ruin of Kaer Morhen.

But honestly, who could blame him? Everyone knew he had a soft spot for history and legends, he was a bard after all. And what was Kaer Morhen but the decaying visualisation of said stories? What were witchers but living and breathing ballads and epics?

He vividly remembered his days in Lettenhove when his tutor had first mentioned the ancient castle that was now crumbling beneath the crushing burden of centuries, still defiant even after being sacked nearly a century prior, but rotting. The waves of time lapped at its foundations and soon it would see its end, consumed by the ocean of the ages that eventually wore down everything created by humankind. That evening he had stolen the tome his tutor used to torture him and practically inhaled the section about Kaer Morhen.

And then he had met Geralt — of course he had met Geralt, of all witchers, who suffered from selective muteness whenever he tried to ask him about his childhood. The little information he had been able to glean had barely been enough to conjure up an even more grandiose image than before.

In his dreams Kaer Morhen was an enchanted fortress, frozen in time and ice and snow. It was cloaked in an eerie charm, abrasive and inviting at once. Maybe there were even some vines encapsuling it in a thorny coffin, like in that fairy tale he had been told as a child. In any case it was majestic. Monumental. Mind-blowingly magnificent, even.

He had never experienced a worse disappointment in his entire life.

Alright, maybe he wasn't quite fair to the damp old thing, but after weeks of freezing his balls off while traipsing through the late autumn Kaedwen mountains he really shouldn't be blamed.

Despite Geralt equipping him with a whole new wardrobe fit for a winter up-north both of them had arrived shivering and soggy. Never in his life had he been more thankful for a bed with scratchy furs and lumpy pillows.

Since then a week had passed, but he hadn't quite forgiven the castle of his dreams, the frankly heinous journey it preceded yet. Not only was Geralt's home in the middle of fucking nowhere, it was also icy and drafty and, on a bad day, even snowy.

Jaskier had known, of course, that Kaer Morhen was a ruin. He just hadn't imagined it quite so... ruined, if he was honest. Nor had he imagined himself being tasked with aiding in the never-ending string of repairs that appeared to fill the majority of the winter days for the four remaining witchers of the wolf school and Coen, the last of the griffins. 'Oh, that's a title for the songs,' he thought as he handed Geralt a hammer.

"Are you alright?" the witcher asked from somewhere above him, where he was fixing a broken beam of the truss.

"Who, me?" Jaskier answered and tucked his frigid fingers into his armpits. "Of course, why are you asking?"

There was an alarming creak from above followed by the CLANG CLANG CLANG of a hammer. "Because I can hear your jittering from here. Are you dressed warm enough?"

He scoffed. "Who are you? My mother?"

The hammering stopped. "Well, are you?"

Jaskier couldn't help but smile. "Yes, Geralt. I'm a good lad who's wearing his undershirt, knitted sweater and lined gloves."

"And the woollen hose Vesemir gave you?"

"And the woollen hose Vesemir gave me."

"Good. Let's go back, it's getting late." There was some shuffling that meant Geralt was packing up. Moments later he dropped out of the rafters to land before Jaskier.

"Gracious gods!" he squealed and leapt back. "Geralt, you know I hate it when you do that!"

"I know," he said with a smile and began walking down the hall, "and you know that you mustn't get sick here. There's only so much we can do about pneumonia up here."

"Hmph," he answered and hurried after him, "I'm trying. Which is why you don't see me complaining."

Geralt shot him a condescending look.

"Alright, alright," he amended generously, "I'm only complaining a little. But honestly, why didn't you tell me I'd freeze my buttocks to the benches if I sit down too long?"

He snorted a laugh. After a short pause, he added solemnly: "I thought you wouldn't want to come, then."

"Not want to come? Have you listened to a word I've said since meeting you? I mean, of course you haven't, that's a rhetorical question, darling, but still. I've wanted to come here since... forever! And even if you'd told me, do you seriously think I'd have listened? Don't be ridiculous, I never listen to your warnings."

"True," Geralt agreed. "Still, no one comes to Kaer Morhen on their own volition."

"Do I look like no one to you?"

He squinted at him to size him up. "Hmm."

Jaskier laughed and punched his shoulder. "Arsehole."

"Perhaps I am," Geralt answered with a sly smile.

"Probably you are."

"Maybe."

"Definitely!"

The witcher pouted, which, quite frankly, looked ridiculous. "Don't be mean, Jaskier. You're a guest, after all."

"Ugh," he said and rolled his eyes, "fine."

"Fine," Geralt agreed and opened the door to the Great Hall. It was the only room in the whole fucking keep that was reasonably warm, so Jaskier felt confident to remove at least one layer of clothing while Geralt put his tools away. He was in the process of folding his sweater, when he spotted Lambert and Eskel in the corner, tightly curled up against each other.

"Oh, uh, Geralt?" he whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Your, umm, your brothers. Should we better leave?"

"Bard," Lambert answered, "you know that we can fucking hear you, right?"

"Right!" he answered quickly. "Sorry. Geralt?"

But his witcher was already on his way to the two of them. Once he reached the layer of furs and carpets that blanketed the floor, he stripped his boots and sweater and flopped down unceremoniously on top of them.

Jaskier couldn't help but stare. Not for long of course, no stares could go unnoticed for long when it came to witchers, but still.

Eskel raised his head with an amused smile: "What? You won't join us?"

"So, that's how you keep warm!" the words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself. "I was already wondering how all of you survived these winters as children."

The three witchers shared an awkward gaze. "Not all of us," Eskel answered.

"Oh," Jaskier said. 'Oh shit,' he thought. "Well, uhmm, I'm leaving, then. Yup, that's me. Leaving this room. Sorry. Again. Or for the first time. Have a nice evening!"

"Jaskier," Geralt growled and lifted his head from Lambert's back, "don't be an arse."

"Oh, uhmm, I'm trying not to be," he laughed nervously. "Well, you know me. I'm always trying. Sometimes I'm even successful. Yay..." He was suddenly feeling much too warm, despite the freezing temperatures.

"Then stop fussing and get the fuck over hear," Lambert grumbled. "I won't listen to Geralt's bitchin' for another evening. Fifteen winters is more than fucking enough."

"Mhmm," Eskel agreed and yawned noisily. "Fifteen years of 'Ohh, Jaskier gives the best hugs' and 'He smells so nice'. Wouldn't shut up about you..."

"Excuse me?" he squeaked undignified. Jaskier awkwardly cleared his throat. "Excuse me?" he tried again.

"Geralt," Lambert hissed and kicked him into his stomach, "I think we broke your bard."

"Hmm?" he answered and turned his head sleepily towards him. He blinked a few times before his gaze cleared and his eyes focused on him. "Fuck," he muttered and slowly at up. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing!" Jaskier assured him too quickly. "It's, umm... it's just that this situation is a tad awkward. For me. You see, I never think before speaking, and sometimes words slip past that were never meant to see the light of day and I'm truly sorry for offending you-"

He was interrupted by bellowing laughter at that. "Oh, he's cute," Eskel said, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

"Fuckin' adorable," Lambert agreed. "Look, bard," he said and leaned onto his forearm, "we're witchers. It takes a whole fuckin' lot more to offend us."

"I know, I know, believe me!" He rolled his eyes. "It's one of your most infuriating qualities. And the competition is hard, just so you know. I've-"

"Jaskier," Geralt interrupted him gently. "Just come over here? Please?"

He huffed and uncrossed his arms. "Well, if you ask so nicely." Despite his prevalent discomfort he crossed over to them, sighing when Geralt wrapped his arms around his waist. "That's nice..."

"Mhmm," he agreed and dropped backwards, pulling a shrieking Jaskier with him.

"Geralt," he complained loudly, writhing in his arms, "warn me for fuck's sake! I could've crushed someone."

"Unlikely," Geralt declared and began pulling off his boots, before rearranging the surrounding limbs, until Jaskier was safely snuggled between the three witchers. For the first time since he had set foot into the Kaedwen mountains, he was finally warm again. Slowly, he felt himself drifting off to sleep.

It was almost too easy with three warm bodies curled around him, all of them intently listening to his breath evening out. He was almost asleep when they finally dared to speak up: "Fuck," Lambert whispered and cuddled closer, "he does give great hugs."

He couldn't help but smile and tighten his grip on his waist a bit.

"Yeah," Eskel agreed, "don't think I'll ever get up again."

"Don't think I'll give him back," Lambert said. Geralt growled and he laughed quietly. "What do you say, bard? Come with me in spring?"

Jaskier smiled and turned around to hug Geralt instead. "Not a fucking chance."

Send me prompts to celebrate my follower milestone!

[youngclaire]

One Last Final Goodbye

I rewrote sending Claire back through the stones at the end of book 2 but from Jamie's POV. I thought it would be a nice way to ease myself into writing these two. This is very book compliant, I actually bad the book open next to me whilst I wrote this in order to translate it from Claire's POV to Jamie's and it was a lot of fun. It's not a copy of the fuller chapter, it's been shortened down in places but the essence is there. I've also removed bits and pieces. Uhh yeah...all dialogue in this belongs to Diana and the book I'm just responsible for remixing the words. Anyway, I hope whoever bothers to read this likes it :)

(This is also my first fic in this fandom with these two so don't expect it to be perfect, it probably isn't)

- - -

He wouldn’t stop for anything; not food, water, or rest. He keeps the horse at a constant gallop at all times, scared that if he paused or hesitated for even a moment he would lose all courage and go neither back or forward.

I shall see my wife safe, is a mantra that keeps him riding. If he is to die tonight or on the battlefield tomorrow, he would not take her down with him; not her or the innocent being she carries inside her.

The stones come into view just above him. A cursed salvation of granite and Jamie tries not to see them, his gaze fixated forward. Behind him, Claire lets her displeasure be known, protesting against the idea. Jamie steels himself against them, clenches his jaw and gallops harder, fighting the urge to give in. This was the only way to see her safe and unharmed, he tells himself.

She protests still, even while he urges her up to the ruined cottage. She doesn’t realise he has no intention of parting with her right now, he just wants time to breathe, to think, to let the panic and worry abate. He sinks to the ground, his body cold and his mind racing.

“It’s alright,” he thinks he hear himself say. “We have a bit of time now; no one will find us here.” He shivers, though from the cold, and wraps his plaid around him.

God, he could still see it; Dougal’s lifeless eyes, the blood pooling out of him, the shock on Willie Coulter’s face. How long before everyone knew? How long before everyone found out he had committed familicide?

Jamie’s head falls forward onto his knees, a tiredness washing over him, fatigue clutching at his bones and eyelids. Tired as he was he could not sleep for fear of the images in his mind’s eye.

His breath comes out in ragged pants and he can barely stand the sound of it. He feels Claire’s warmth and presence beside him, uses it as something to anchor himself to.

What happened in that room and who knows wasn’t the priority, while Claire had yet to explicitly say so Jamie’s fate waited for him on Culloden Moor. Tomorrow he will die and all this will cease to matter. Claire will be safe.

His breathing eases back into its natural rhythm, the panic wilting away from the edges. He’ll take hold of Death’s hand, gladly accept his destiny knowing he did one thing right at last.

“I won’t go, Jamie,” she says, as if she’s read his thoughts. “I’m staying with you.”

Jamie shakes his head. She couldn’t persuade him, he couldn’t change his mind. He needed to do this.

“No,” he says. The firmness bites at him, makes him wince. He hopes she can hear the gentleness that lies beneath it. “I must go back, Claire.”

“You can’t,” she cries. “Jamie, they will have found Dougal by now! Willie Coulter will have told someone.”

Aye, that was a fact he had resigned himself to, a fact she must resign herself too as well. He grieved for Dougal, for the second father he had, but Jamie had done what he’d done- he would take whatever consequence waited for him behind that door. She talks of fleeing to France but it’s no use, he’s chosen his fate, set his heart and mind to it, accepted it. A traitor twice over, a rebel, a murderer…The English will hunt Prince Charles. The English and the clans will hunt Jamie. He was dead either way.

“Claire, I am a dead man.”

He watches the tears freeze on her cheeks. “No,” she says but the effect is lost, she knows he speaks the truth.

“I wouldna get very far anyway.” On its own accord, his hand runs through his red hair that makes him a beacon at all times. Not exactly inconspicuous. “I can save you, Claire,” With his other hand he brushes away the tears that continue to fall. “and I will. That is the most important thing.”

Then he will go back. If he finds he cannot do it for himself then he will find it in him to do so for his men.

“I think I can get them away,” he says thinking the plan through. “Even if it’s known what I’ve done, none will stop me wi’ the English in sight and the battle about to begin.” The plan visualises in his mind and he nods to himself. “I will bring them safely away and set them on the road toward Lallybroch.”

“And then?”

Well…wasn’t that obvious?

“And then I will turn back to Culloden.”

He lets out a breath, strong and final as his decision. He catches Claire’s worried look and gives her a smile.

“I’m no afraid to die, Sassenach,” he says, but then he thinks of that door, black and foreboding, the unknown behind it. “Well…not a lot, anyway.”

He hears a sound a human being should never be able to make as arms fling around him. He finds himself surrounded by Claire, caught in her tight embrace as the scent of her overwhelms him. He clutches her back, trying with all his might not to succumb and cry.

“It’s all right, Sassenach,” he says into her hair as she cries once more. “A musket ball. Maybe a blade. It will be over quickly.” A lie, they both know it, but Jamie will them both to believe it. He’s seen men die in battle, knows how horrifically slow it can be but it was better than waiting for the hangman’s noose, that would be the one thing that does not lie behind that door.

“I’m going with you.”

Lost in thought he barely registers it but when he does he reels at the notion, startling backwards.

“The hell you are!” He has a plan, damnit, and not even Claire will deter him from it.

She displays her argument but he will not listen to it, will not give it thought.

“No!” he says. “No, Claire!”

How could she suggest such a thing, knowing what they both knew? How could she be so selfish?

“If you’re not afraid, I’m not either. It will…be over quickly. You said so.”

You said so. What he said was a lie, did she not see that? A lie to comfort them both.

“Jamie- I won’t…I can’t…I bloody won’t live without you, that’s all!”

He had a thousand things to say and none at all. His mouth opens and closes before he shakes his head. Through the gaps in the ceiling he can see daylight dwindling, night approaching. The sky is painted red. Blood of a battlefield, blood of childbirth.

He reaches toward her, pulling her close. He knows where this fight comes from, if the tables were turned he would say the same thing, knows because he feels it too.

“D’ye think I don’t know?” His voice is soft, a whisper. “It’s me that has the easy part now. For if ye feel for me as I do for you- then I am asking you to tear your heart out and live without it.”

She lets out a whimper, clutching him closer. He fingers stroke her hair, whispering soft coos towards her.

“But you must do it,” he finally says, feeling his stomach twist and turn. “Ye must.”

“Why?” She is angry, considerably so. Confused and hurting. “When you took me from the witch trial at Cranesmuir- you said then you would have died with me, you would have gone to the stake with me had it come to that!”

He had said all that, and to this day, it remains true. He’d have rather died than to be parted with her.

“Aye, I would,” he says. “But I wasna carrying your child.”

The reason he is allowing them to part.

She is surprised, shocked, frozen in place as she looks up at him in bewilderment.

“You can’t tell,” she says at last, shaking her head. “It’s much too early.”

It makes him smile, brings amusement to him.

“You havena been a day late in your courses, in all the time since ye first book me to your bed. Ye havena bled now in forty-six days.”

She hurls insults at him, shocked he even managed to keep track of such a thing during a war but he had for hope they would have a second chance at raising a child and for fear that it would end like this.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” she tells him, rattling off reasons for why she might not have bled. It’s no use, she forgets he’s seen her so before, studied all the tell-tale signs of her body changing, committed them to memory.

“Claire…” His voice is quiet, not sounding like him. “Tomorrow I will die. This child…is all that will be left of me- ever.” He reaches for her hands, needing some part of her to hold. He casts his gaze to their joined hands, running his thumb over her fingers. “Claire, I beg you, see it safe.”

He keeps his eyes downcast while he waits for her answer, scared she’ll say yes, scared she’ll say no. The silence feels long and he shuts his eyes against the twisting of his stomach.

Finally her answer comes.

“Yes.” A whisper in the darkening cottage. “Yes. I’ll go.”

He nods, swallowing back the lump in his throat, hearing the sound of a flower stem snap.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

After telling her to sleep, she doesn’t sleep himself. Time seemed wasted on that and they didn’t have much of it left anymore. In a few hours he will take her to the fairy hill and part with her forever.

He wanted to rage at the unfairness of it all. To brandish his sword and yell and scream and cry but he knew there was no point to it. He knew that what he had been handed was more than fair, that not many men live the life he’s led and are allowed to be rewarded in such a way.

Lord, ye gave me a rare woman, he had said to her, quoting what he would say to God when he met him. God! I loved her well. He had, he could really say that. He took this woman, in all her unbated strangeness, into his broken hands and within her found company and peace, a place to call home.

She loved me well, too, he adds, watching her sleep for the last time. Content and safe, here in his arms and their fortress of cloth. He had healed him with her touch and love and perseverance. Picked a broken man off the floor and carried him through towards the light at the end of the tunnel no matter the setbacks. She really was a rare woman, his sassenach.

He wraps his arms tighter around her, murmurs a quick thank you in Gaelic to God and to the fairies for dropping her into his life.

Pressed against her, safe in their fortress of clothes, her skin warming his bones, his eyelids grow heavy and he succumbs to sleep as the first inklings of tomorrow break across the sky.

.:.:.:.:.:.

She was gone.

Disappeared in the same manner in which she had appeared. Gone through the stones and back to Frank.

Jamie presses his hand against the stone. The hard granite presses back on his wound, her mark, the letter C, reminding him it was real, she was real.

Her arisaid lies on the grass, forgotten in their haste to love each other one last time. Jamie picks it up, bringing it to his nose, inhaling her scent still lingering on the tartan. Tears fall on their own accord as he prays she made it back, prays that she and the bairn are safe.

A cannon in the distance booms, startling the birds and startling him. It’s beginning.

He is hesitant to move, to leave the place of their last coupling, his last connections to her.

Yet destiny waits for him on Culloden Moor, along with his men. He pictures the thirty men waiting for their laird.

There is nothing he can do for Claire now but there is something he can do for his men.

He kisses the inside of his fingers, presses it to the stone and bids his soulmate one last final goodbye.

[tipsycad147]

Tools of a Witch

Written and Compiled by George Knowles

Athame  / Pentacle  / Wand  / Chalice  /  Censer /  Broom  / Bolline  / Cauldron  / Bell /  Book of Shadows

As with most other religions, tools are used in witchcraft to aid and enhance ritual worship.  Tools have no power in themselves, though they do have powerful symbolic significances.  Some like the Wand and Athame (pronounced ath-ay-me) are used to invoke and direct whatever power we generate or pass through them.

While tools are not absolutely necessary to the practice of the craft, some tools are nice to have if only to focus our will and concentration.  The basic tools to start with are the elemental tools or those tools which represent the four elements of life: The Pentacle for Earth, The Wand for Air, The Athame for Fire, and The Chalice for Water.

Tools needn’t be purposely bought or excessively expensive.  Take a look around the household, many ordinary implements can be used or improvised as tools.  You could even make your own and by doing so, a certain amount of personal power will be infused into the item, thus increasing its effectiveness.  Other sources of tools are Car Boot Sales, Junk Shops and Antique Shops.  With a little patience you may find tools cropping up in the most unusual places.

All tools as they are collected, should be cleansed of all negative energies and past use influences.  Lets face it, you won’t know how or for what use they may have been used before you acquired them.  To do this, clean the item physically and thoroughly while using visualisation.  Then bury the item in the ground for a few days, thus allowing past associations to be dispersed and purified with earth’s energy.  

Alternatively you could use the water method.  Immerse the item in water, preferably natural water like the Sea, a River, or a Lake.  If these are not available to you, used a bowl of water and add a few pinches of Sea Salt.  Leave submerged for a couple of hours before removing and drying the item off.  Obviously common sense must prevail when using these methods, as you wouldn’t want to ruin the item.  Do whatever seems appropriate for each item.  After the cleansing process, each tool needs to be consecrated, ready to use for magickal purposes.  (More about this later).      

Below is a list of the standard tools used in witchcraft together with their uses and significances.  For other correspondences see:

Athame  - The athame is the traditional ritual dagger of the witch.  Commonly it has a black handle and steel double-edged blade.  Many Wiccans engrave the handle or blade with magickal symbols indicative of deities, spirits or the elements as sources of power.  The athame is a tool of command, it is used to direct what power we pass through it.  It is used to cast circles by tracing the circumference, to charge and consecrate objects and banish negative energies.  In most traditions, it is never used as a mundane knife for cutting purposes, and is used strictly for magickal purposes only.  As an elemental tools of the craft, in most traditions it is associated with the elements of Fire, in others it is associated with Air.  The phallic symbolism of the knife links it with the God.

Pentacle  - The pentacle is a traditional tool of the craft.  Originally it is thought to have been adopted from ceremonial magic.  It is usually a round solid disc often made from stone, wood or cooper.  On the disc is engraved or painted an up-right five pointed star enclosed inside a circle called the Pentagram.  A disc decorated in this manner then becomes called a Pentacle.  In some traditions other symbols are added indicative of deities, spirits or the elements as sources of power.  The pentacle is normally the centerpiece of the alter on which objects are placed to be consecrated or charged, such things as amulets, charms and tools are placed on it, as is the salt and water for blessing.  The pentacle represents the elements of Earth and is sometimes used to summon the Gods and Goddesses.  For a more detailed description of the pentacle - pentagram see (Pentagram - Pentacle).

Wand  - The wand is one of the prime magical tools of the witch.  Traditionally the wand is made from the wood of a sacred tree.  These include the Willow, Elder, Oak, Apple, Peach, Hazel and Cherry, to mention just a few.  Its length should approximate the crook of the elbow to the middle of the index finger.  These days many modern materials are used instead, and even tipped with crystals and gems.  The wand is a tool of invocation, it is used to evoke the Gods, Goddesses and Spirits.  It is also used to bestow blessings, charge objects and draw down the moon during ritual.  In most traditions the wand represents the elements of Air, in others it represents the elements of Fire.

Censer or Thurible  -  The censer is an incense burner used to contain burning incense during ritual.  Any type of censer can be used, even a simple bowl filled with sand will do.  The censer represents the elements of Air and is normally placed before the images of the Goddess and God on the altar.  

Chalice  - The Chalice is one of the four elemental tools of witchcraft and represents the elements of Water.  It is a symbol of containment and often represents the womb of the Goddess.  The base is symbolic of the material world, the stem symbolises the connection between man and spirit and the rim or opening symbolically receives spiritual energy.

The chalice can be made of any material, in times of old - Horns, Shells and Gourds were used to hold sacred liquids during ritual, and then in later times - Silver became the preferred material, having long been associated with the moon and the Goddess.  The chalice is used to hold the blessed water and wine during ritual.  It is traditional in many covens to pass the chalice around all members, who then take a drink as a token of unity.

Broom  - The broom is a ritual tool of the witch, sacred to both Goddess and the God.  The God - through its symbolic phallic shape, The Goddess - through its three-piece make up, the stick, brush and binding cord being symbolic of the triformis aspect of the Goddess.  

Traditionally the broom was made from three different woods.  Ash for the handle, Birch twigs for the brush and Willow for the binding cord.  Ash is protective and has command over the four elements.  Birch is purifying and draws spirits to one’s service.  Willow is sacred to the Goddess.

The broom is used for a variety of purposes but most generally to purify and protect.  It is used to ritually cleanse an area before magick is performed by symbolically sweeping away negative energies and astral build up.  Of old it was used to guard the home and persons within against psychic attack or evil curses, this by placing it across the threshold, windowsills or doorways.  It was also placed under the bed or a pillow to protect the sleeper.

Traditionally and perhaps the use which most people identify it with, are the old wedding ceremonies of the Gypsies and the early American slaves, where a couple leapt over the broom to ensure fertility, domestic harmony and longevity.  Today pagan hand-fasting rituals often include a broom jump.    

Bolline  - The Bolline or White-Handled knife as it is now known, is the practical knife of the craft.  Traditionally it was used to harvest herbs and had a blade in the form of a small sickle.  Today it is normally a mundane knife used for cutting and carving.  It has a white handle to differentiate it from the Athame, which has a black handle and is used only for magickal purposes.  The bolline is used to cut wands and herbs, to mark and carve candles with symbols and to cut cords for use in magick.  Any other ritual function requiring the use of a knife, such as cutting flowers for the altar, can be performed with the bolline.

Cauldron  - The cauldron is probably the tool most associated with witchcraft and is steeped in magickal tradition and mystery.  The cauldron is the container in which transmutation, germination, and transformations may occur.  It is symbolic of the womb of the Goddess, and is the manifested essence of femininity and fertility.  Everything is born from the cauldron of the Goddess and afterwards everything returns back to it.  It is also symbolic of the element of water, as well as reincarnation, immortality and inspiration.

In ritual the cauldron is used as a container for making brews and potions, or to contain a small fire for use with spells.  It can also be used for scrying (divination) by filling it with water and gazing into its depths.

In ancient times the cauldron was used as a cooking vessel and for brew making.  Traditionally it was made from cast iron, it rests on three legs and has an opening smaller then its widest part.  Cauldrons are made in many sizes but can be difficult to find, so you will need to persevere if you want one.

Bell  - The bell is a ritual tool of invocation and banishment.  The bell is a feminine symbol of the creative force, that of the Goddess.  The bell can be rung to indicate the start of a rite by banishing negative influences before the ritual begins.  Often it is used to invoke the Goddess during ritual, or sounded at the four quarters to call forth such spirits as the Watchers and Elementals.

Bells can be used to guard the home by warding off evil spells and spirits, or evoking good energies when placed in cupboards or hung on doors.  Hung from a cord the bell symbolises the human soul suspended between heaven and earth.

Book of Shadows  - The Book of Shadows is the workbook of the witch.  In it is recorded: Rituals guidelines, Invocations, Spells, Runes, Rules of a particular Coven or Tradition, Symbols, Poems, Chants, and anything else of use to the witch during ritual.  

Traditionally the Book of Shadows was always hand written by the individual.  A common custom for new initiates into a Coven, is to hand copy his teacher’s Book of Shadows exactly as it appeared, then later to add his own material as he progressed in the craft.  Today with the advantages of technology they are often typed and photocopied, or even computerised onto Floppy Disc’s.  

To make your own Book of Shadows, you can use any form of blank book, but perhaps the best type to use are those of a loose-leave nature, thus allowing pages to be shuffled around when preparing for rituals.  My personal Book of Shadows is made from recycled paper, bound up in natural tree bark covers, these are available in some art shops and bookstores.

Sources

Wicca, A guide for the Solitary Practitioner  - By Scott Cunningham

Encyclopedia of Wicca & Witchcraft  - By Raven Grimassi

A Witches' Bible - By Janet and Stewart Farrar

Witchcraft for tomorrow  - By Doreen Valiente

https://www.controverscial.com/Tools%20of%20a%20Witch.htm

[cupidssrosses]

i. love. ship. playlists.

so, i know for a FACT that im not the only one that uses songs to picture scenarios with a pairing i really love. like, sometimes im so set on the idea of a ship that i have to rewrite the entire show in my brain, rework it so that they end up together logically. songs are always so good to visualise too. harringrove is the BEST for this, because the show itself uses scenes set to 80s music all the time. 

anywho, this is a really longwided way of saying hey heres my harringrove playlist enjoy :)

this song has always been made for a scene where tension has to slowly build.

so, instead of the scene with billy and neil happening at the end of the season when theres much more world-end-y  things to deal with, it happens earlier. 

the  scene happens, billy goes to find max and ends up finding steve and the kids in that junkyard. 

“am i dreaming or is that you harrington”

(really rushed) “yeah its me dont cream your pants what the FUCK are you doing here hargrove you have to leave right now”

billy won’t shut the fuck up so steve has to cover his mouth and try to push him into the bus. then we hear a demidog, steve gives up on billy and gets ready to fight, quietly hands billy a broken pole or something just in case. 

the song starts from 0:00 right when billy sees the demidog, the camera pans in on his face, just so confused and scared, processing what hes seeing. then he joins the fight, he and steve back to back protecting the kids. this leads to billy being part of the gang, at least in some respects. hes strong as fuck and now they have to fill him in on the circumstances now so hes around more often to help. he wants to protect max, but also be near/protect steve. 

so ! during subsequent fights/situations, billy and steve get a little closer, damn they’re not in love but hey they’re getting more comfortable and theres deeeefinitely some mutal attraction, the energy from those shower and basketball scenes hasn’t gone away. if steves the mother figure billys the dad. 

on the “i need a hero” (BAM) part that leads into the chorus, billy saves steve with some kind of big action you know? RIGHT on the beat i swear i get chills every time i picture it to this song. like he pushes something off of him or pull him out of the way really suddenly after running reaaaallly fast to get to him. right after it cuts to steve looking all suprised and impressed while billy keeps fighting. 

same applies to the part that goes “watched out here i COME” in the second song, except its steve saving billy. 

since two thousand and fucking 17 ive seen this song as billys image of steve. it always sounded like his thoughts about him. 

this is one of the first moments billy realises he might really REALLY like steve. hes not just horny he might actually love this moron. at around 2:07 when all the instrumental goes away and its mainly the drums, thats when it happens. 

hes picking steve up from somewhere. theyve been spending more time together as buddies. he apologised for being a dick, theyve had some more serious conversations. hes taking him to hang out with the kids, maybe he just needed a ride home from school or work. anyway, its golden hour. hes waiting to see him and hes weirdly nervous, more than he ever was waiting to pick up a date with one of the hawkins girls.

and then he sees steve walk out onto the street, or come around the corner.

his heart STOPS. steve just looks so beautiful. the light hitting his hair. he smiles at someone he knows as the walk by. billys just HIT with hoe much he loves this stupid moron and his stupid fucking smile.

steves looking around for the car and looks so. happy. when he sees billy, billy smiles back. its been a while since hes smiled that genuinely. 

billy really really part of gang now. this might be sometime after the final events of season 2 i think?? billys saved them all, had a lot of experiences, hes built up some trust with the group and it feels normal that hes there. hes part of the family, and thats what this songs about. 

it night time, theyre at steves house, all the kids, nancy, jonathen, etc. some are swimming, everyones dancing, things feel a little more okay. 

at around 1:54, (again im a sucker for stripping away most of the instrumental and relying on a few key sounds, including loud drums) billy looks around. he has for one of the first times in a while this sense of FAMILY and ACCEPTANCE and SAFETY.

theres all these shots of everyone having fun, like 2 or 3 cuts, then to steve. just standing there laughing, hairs all wet from the pool, towel around his shoulders. he looks over, catches billys eye, gives him a smile, it feels like he knows what hes thinking, and he feels the same way. 

same night, during the part build up that starts at around 2:53, everyones trying to get billy to dance, hes been smoking on one of the pool chairs, not antisocial just not dancing. not his thing. plus he doesnt want to look like an idiot infront of steve. anyway. 

one of the kids starts it, starts gesturing for him to get up, pointedly singing the lyrics, the rest join in unti theyre all singing and chanting for him to join, all while the song builds and builds. finally steve joins in. maintains eye contact. thats enough for billy. he just keeps his eyes on steve as he stands up. its more like theyre dancing together, less like the kids are there. right at the end of that bridge he just lets go. takes of his jacket and dances around with everyone. he doesnt look stupid either. he looks good. and steve notices 

this is a small one, i dont even have a story to it. all i know is that comparisons between the scene that accompanies this song in top gun and the basket ball scene in st2 have been made, and itd be a super fun, corny scene :)

starts at the very begining. this song has ALWAYS felt so magical and me. i get chills every god damn time i hear the intro. i want their first kiss to be to the intro. 

its after the last fight of season three. someone else was flayed, someone we dont love. obviously billy survives. in FACT, he was along for the ride with robin and steve, all the shenanigens with the russians, billy was tied up and drugged too. BOTH he and robin admit their sexualities. 

billy still sacrafices himself to save the kids from the monster, he says something cute like “see ya round pretty boy” or some corny shit like that before he goes to run and save el, theres a moment when steve knows what hes about to do, theyre staring at eachother and theeeerse the electricity steve knows so much about. theyre really about to kiss, staring at eachothers mouths, but the monster makes a noise and billy knows its now or never, so he runs off. 

steve tries to save him but gets nocked out. he goes unconcious thinking billys going to or is already dead. 

it cuts to the end scene when theyre all in the car park. steves got an icepack to his face, hes obviously been sobbing. 

but he heres a voice. 

(clearly overjoyed and kind of smug) “am i dreaming or is that you harrington”

he looks up. its billy. we get a nice long run-jump-hug. steves in billys arms before he can even finish his sentence:

(nearly crying but SO excited) “yeah its me dont cream your pa-”

NOW. OKAY SO. i love love love they idea of billy steve and robin going home with murray, or at least showing up at his place. maybe billy cant stand the thought of going home, hell maybe neil was the one that got flayed and died idk. anyway.

nancy and jonathen are like, we know a place if people dont want to go home, and they go murrays place. when they show up at the door murray KNOWS. hes like “ffs two more people who have repressed feelings for eachother what am i a therapist. but he lets them in and they have a similar conversation that murray had with nancy and jonathen/joyce and hopper. poking fun at how much they like eachother etc. 

billy and steve have a really intimate talk. not sexaul intimate, just really open. theyre both so tiered, steve thought billy was dead, billy had to say goodbye to steve, who he KNOWS hes in love with by now, thinking he was about to die. they both KNOW how the feel about eachother now, but they havent said it explicitly. just lots of “i really thought id lost you”, “your my best friend”, “i cant believe youd do that for me” etc etc. 

they decide to go to bed, billy walks steve to his room, the one nancy stayed in when she and jonathen got together, theyre standing at the door. just staring at eachother like they were during that fight sequence. the energies back. billy really thinks he might go for it, but decides he doesnt want to ruin things if steve doesnt really feel the same way. he doesnt even know if he likes guys yet. so he just says “night steve” (steve, get it, not harrington, cause theyre close now and he loves him and those defensive barriers are down ahhhh). 

just as he turns to leave, steve does this:

this exact thing. he grabs billys arm, leans down and kisses him. he thought he lost his chance once, he nearly died like a million times in the past 48 hours. he cant stop himself. 

RIGHT HERE is when the intro to jump kicks in. FUck that synth, the rumbling note that runs through the whole thing. time. stops. its perfect. billys wanted this for so long, so has steve but in the grand tradition of fanfiction he didnt know it until he nearly lost billy for good. 

their arms are all over eachother, just as the rest of the instruments come in, at like 0:15, they both smile into the kiss and shut the door behind them, and it cuts away :). 

theyre finally together!!! theyre in the happy, honeymoon stage of realtionship. god theyre just fucking every. chance. they. get. i think this is a new season. it’s a montage of them hooking up all over hawkins. 

in the back of the video store, robin covering for them. in the car, outside school, steves house. someone walks in and billy has to hang out of the window. he makes a noise and steves like “thats probably just a bird or something” and billy MAKES A BIRD NOISE TO THE BEST OF HIS ABILITY. 

when steve helps him back inside he just stares a him with that “youre a moron but your my moron now” face. “~mimics the sound billy made~ really?” and then billy just laughs and goes back to hooking up with him. 

theyre just HAPPY. theyre comfortble, theyre stupid idiots whod die for eachother and horny as fuck allllll the time, like young guys are. i just want a really lighthearted, NOT INNOCENT, but lighthearted tone to a whole montage of them just being happy and stupid together. 

aaaaand we’re bassically at the end of the storyline i have for them based on music. these three i just like the thought of. i want steve do dance super shamelessly in his bedroom in a towel, not in a sexy way dont get me wrong he looks DUmb, and billys at his door window just admiring this stupid idiot dancing around. i cant believe im in love with this man this graceless lanky man i had to choose this one. but ill be damned if i wouldnt give my fucken life for him

and finally trust me go listen to any scorpions song its bassicaly a harrington anthem. it all started with rock you like a hurricain for me, i saw steve look at him, i saw billy and listened to the lyrics and just thought theres no god damned way this man is straight whats the bet hes into steve and then BAM same season hes just so obviously flirting with him constantly i-

anyway okay so

this song, like many other scorpion songs is allll about billy and steve in my opion. go have fun. 

PlayerEntity made this gif not me all credit to them i just wanted to include it cause its my favorite edit of them ever. 

and thats all!!! if youre seeing this and you thought it was cool thanks i had fun. i really just wanted to get this shit out of my brain its been up there since i was a fuckn 14 year old, now im 18 lol. 

i love these men more than myself and sometimes i forget that theyre not acutally together in show cause i live so completely through fanfiction and the sequence of events you just read. 

fuck why am i signing out like you just watched a youtube video or something i should just post this okay by now xxxxx