#and its like if you dont give a shit about your kids interests then i dont think you know if they are consuming queer content or not

[fiendishartist2]

guys what if i want to make my own apollo justice game.

[twunkzilla]

Ngl I think the young adult genre actually is what got me to stop reading as a kid like as soon as I hit 6th grade I was like why is this all fucking garbage

[jamesroach]

whatre your thoughts on younger fandom mem8ers (like those who are under 18) and how they interact with homestuck just as a whole? im a 8it curious ::::)

i was the youngest of all my (5) siblings, but like with any big family there are like.. age group generations. my siblings were all much older than me so despite being the youngest, in my "generation" i was one of the oldest of all the cousins. This will make sense to some, probably especially if you are hispanic.

So I've always kind of been around younger people. This is what pushed me to want to be a music teacher. Taking the guidance and lessons I got from my older siblings/cousins/uncles/aunts/etc and giving it to a new generation.

Now that i'm middle aged and my bright young idealist teaching days are far behind me, i find myself again in a position where i am surrounded by younger people. While I have little interest in interacting with children on a personal level I do think that its important to understand that they're just kids. You have to treat them with what my teachers called compassionate regard.

What this means is remembering that sometimes they will mess up, or sometimes have sort of stupid ideas, or they'll say weird and often kind of mean things and not just think about it. They're just kids. When you're a kid you test your boundaries and figure out who you're trying to be. To quote homestuck itself:

As an adult, it is your job to know better and try to be kind even if they are being sort of a little weirdo. Whether they know it or not, kids are seeing how you react or engage. If you're setting a bad example by being a shithead how can you expect them to be any better?

What I do, is I try and establish clear boundaries. "please don't do that." etc. If a young person says something especially rude or weird to me, tell them clearly not to do that. It doesn't have to be a whole ordeal. You don't have to make fun of them or shit on them. If its something that needs course correcting you can just privately say "hey don't do that."

thats all a little heavy handed too though. not every moment is a LEARNABLE LESSON or w/e. i think you have to balance that sort of thing with just rolling with it. sometimes some little bastard dunks on you because you're a boomer online and you just gotta go like, damn you fucking got me. sometimes you gotta riff on the bit. sometimes a kid will have a really stupid take online and your first reaction cant be "i gotta own this idiot" they're like 15 man let it go. you beefing with someone who has to ask permission to go to the bathroom its not that deep.

anyway this got really long, and i dont even know if i answered your question. forgive me i am old.

[munsster]

Hiiiiiiii loved your Eddie munson x wealthy!reader fix, I was wondering if you could do a billy Hargrove one? Thank you bby💗

billy with a wealthy s/o

A/N: its 100% giving reluctant allies to lovers gif cred: @selinasdalton

Warnings: partying, drinking/smoking, insults (mostly playful), pet names (sweetheart), implied sex

the FIRST thing i thought of was reader rolling with the popular crowd

ie harrington, tommy, carol etc

and seeing billy for the first time at a party

honestly, he probably offers you a drink or better yet a smoke

and you’re disgusted (horny)

and he thinks he’s totally gonna score (you accepted his drink offer)

neither of you really remember how or when it started

you can never agree on an anniversary date

but you both know he fell first

mainly because he was absolutely floored by just how many insults you had ready in your back pocket

“the ball goes in the basket, airhead” “you look like rob lowe if he was a woman and a munch” “my dog could sink more free throws than you and he’s 20 years old”

honestly, he was a little flattered by your creativity

which is why he knew he had to get in your pants somehow

and the first time you invited him over to your house, you wouldn’t hear the end of it

“hey, richie rich, where’s your robot maid?”

“oh, it’s her day off”

“…”

“i’m kidding,” you tease, “she’s not a robot”

he does not know how to handle the amount of shit you spoil him with

“billy… i really like your necklace”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“i can buy you a new—”

“i dont need a new one, sweetheart”

and you don’t know how to handle the fact that he doesn’t want to be spoiled

but you eventually figure out how to be sneaky with it

making him lunches (con caviar), ‘accidentally’ misplacing his shoes so you have to buy him new ones, taking him to fancy barbershops and paying half the cost so it still seems like he’s paying the full price

some may say it’s manipulative. you say it’s loving.

and the first time he buys you a meaningful, mildly expensive gift, you tear up a little bit

you bringing him to the golf course and finding out 1) he’s really good at golf and 2) he is excellent cougar bait

not that you want the over 60’s hitting on your man, but it’s very sweet when they send him drinks and call him a handsome young man

you definitely encourage him to play into it with some “how are you young ladies this evening?” and “don’t you have to be 21 to sit at the bar?” action

he has his fun with it, but he really only does it ‘cause it makes you smile

would never BEG for anything…. but he DOES get really sad when you don’t bring him to the mall to watch you try on shoes or sweaters or whatever.

yeah, if there’s something he’d beg for, it’s that

he lives for the moment you walk out of the dressing room, do a twirl, and ask (like clockwork) “do you like it?”

his answer is always yes, but you claim to know the differences in his tone that indicate what he actually likes

sometimes, if he’s lucky, you’ll let him sit inside the dressing room. watching you change. watching you change.

he is the reason you’re both banned from sears at starcourt

the first really expensive watch you gift him is INSANE

it has like four dials and you said something about alligator leather and 18 carat gold

he can’t decide between wearing it on special occasions to preserve its value or never taking it off because he loves you

when you do stay at his house, usually no ones home

but you have met max

and she likes to stay away from you

but you took her to get a new skateboard and you think that might’ve helped her warm up to you

just a smidge

now she lets you gossip about stupid boys and watch shitty action movies with her

she even promised she would go as croft’s robin for halloween if you swore you’d go as wilson’s batman

that was an interesting halloween for billy

your mansion house has this shiny ass gramophone in one of the downstairs offices

and you told billy that the last thing that had played on it was a glenn miller ‘best of’ album

and that was just not good enough for billy

so one night, he brought over his twisted sister vinyl and convinced you to dance with him while what you don’t know blasted through the brassy pavillon

he also may or may not have convinced you to make out with him while the rest of the record played

even though you drive a brand new, cherry red benz (convertible, he might add), you still love it when he drives the two of you in his camaro

but you also let him drive your car whenever he wants. and he wants to most of the time.

in fact, he’s pretty sure he drives your car more than you do

he also loves to let you dress him up

and do his hair (please practice that cute hairstyle you saw on him. he’ll think about your hands in his hair for hours on end)

even if youre just going on a chill diner date, you still drag him into your (now shared) walk-in closet and pick out these satin shirts and pressed slacks and the shiniest shoes he’s ever seen

but of course, most of your dates are lavish and breathtakingly creative, anyway, so he’s already dressed accordingly

his new catch phrase is something along the lines of “what happened to eating somewhere normal. like pizza hut”

sometimes, his only requirement is “as long as there’s no chandelier”

you flatter him so often, he gets grumpy on days you forget to call him handsome (or pretty boy, which has really grown on him)

typically, he wouldnt go for all the fuss and feathers, but he likes to see you happy.

and boy, does prettying him up make you happy

seriously, you get the wildest look on your face. it’s fulfilling enough that billy feels safe to say he’s content being your ken doll forever

if you’d let him

masterlist

[nekassvariigs]

I saw someone having a post mentioning if a character from one piece would be certain about age gaps so here i am in a silly goffy mood.

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー

Idea: Waking up/Walking around not realising youre wearing a shirt saying "Dilf patrol" and going out on the ship/certain places causing some interesting conversations.

Raighley, Shanks, Mihawk, Law, Kid, Doflamingo

Special addition: Bepo for cuteness

I know kid and law arent dilfs but theyre fun to write

Kid

Way too busy to notice it at first until someone points it out.

Hes flabbergasted.

"Into experianced men huh?" he comments brows furrowed in question.

It took you a while to register.

"I know i dont qualify as one but give me a few years."

You couldnt be more embarrassed, not to say anytime he asks you to stand on lookout he'll yell "DILF PARTROL" full blast embarrassing you each time.

If hes into you he'll paint over one of his shirts the words "certified dilf" while working on his gagets. If you catch him in the act give him a sly smirk and run for your goddamn life.

However if you both happen to wear it at the same time again its now your turn to shout over the entire ship "DILF SPOTTED" the moment you see him. You'll distract him so horredusly he wont be able to unhear it for the next week.

At some point you both take a picture, altough the main focus is you zooming in on his tits where the label he drew on was.

"Let me see the photo."

You show it to him proudly and prepare for self defense.

"You little shit." hed scoff ,however his ego was lifted that hed certified dilf material.

Doflamingo

This pink flamingo has been walking around you all morning trying to be subtle.

It was getting on your nerves.

"Can you ATLEAST pretend that your subtle, Youre like 10 meters tall dude you wear a PINK FEATHER COAT."

"So?" He picks his teeth with a toothpick.

"Why are you following me?"

"Your shirt."

"What about it?" you get more annoyed by the second.

"Not your dresscode madamoiselle?" you give him a fake smile with your eyes.

"Ha..Hahaha..HAHAHAHA, i must send this to the navy." He takes a photo.

"Fuck do you mean send it to the navy?!"

"Look, i can already hear "it's the dilf parol woman" with your face plastered all over it."

Oh he really was pushing it huh.

With a loud FWAP the shirt lands flat on his face right on the centered plastered with the writing.

"I think they'd like this one better."

You show him the picutre. There he is this wooden shelf for a man in his pink ridicilous coat with his face covered in a shirt thats says "Dilf patrol" boldly.

"My ass im gonna let you have your way with it."

Onsues a battle between two idiots.

Nearing your defeat you splur out "Y'know if you had a kid you'd qualify for it."

"Huh- Yeah right."

"Im dead serious."

"..."

"Time to take one for the team." He said confidently.

Raighley

Usually you stay over at Shakky's rip-off bar having known the owners well half owner Raighley. You never managed to catch his wife on time however, she was always out so one good day you treated yourself to a hands on barman experiance pouring yourself a drink, mind you its late so its okay.

Whilst mixing your drink you hear the front door open Raigley in sight he catches a seat.

"One whiskey on the rocks ma'am." he gets cozy until seeing you prepare your drink. You shake the mixture the tshirt you wore frurrowing all sorts of ways.

"?" He sees something written on it.. not fully tho, so he'll take a another peek in a bit.

Your drink made, you start his grabbing some ice and whiskey for the foxy man.

"Here ya go~" you happily chirped at him offering his drink.

It wasnt until you were mid drink he said "Say would i qualify as a dilf?"

ah the burning sensation of choking on alcohol.

"What?" you ask him barely able to breathe.

"You know, I mean not to shoot myself in the foot i do happen to look good for my age." he takes a swig of his drink calmly.

"F-First off, where is this coming from? Second off what!?" You stutter, Raighley barely dared being so cocky, and now all of a sudden this!? Did he hit his head?

He doubles the K.O pointing to your shirt at which you stare down, immidiatley embarrased for showing your interest in older men un such a dumb way.

Cheeks blazing you admit defeat, giving him a thumb up weakly.

"You're overqualifed.."

"That so?" He smirks hand on his beard in question.

Now confidently you humm altough your legs were giving out.

Who woulda thought you had one of the hottest man, not to mention the most humble one around teasing you like this when youre compleatley unprepared.

[continuation awaits (￣^￣)ゞ]

Law

Poor guy was hoping to eat his meal in peace when you come in theough blazing the words dilf patrol on your shirt.

He literrally chokes.

"You alright capitan?" you ask him.

He swallows dryly, "Yeah..." he stares at you, then at the writing, then at you,the writing and at you for the last time.

"Y/n-ya, You know our crew mostly has guys around the age of 20, right?"

"Riight.. , point being?" you curiously ask.

"Point is WHO ARE YOU PATROLING FOR?!" Not gonna lie he was determined to know.

"!!?" Shocks sets in as you realize what youre wearing.

"Haha oh this thing, well you know give it a few years everyone will be aprooved, even you Law." you chuckle lips pointing in a whistle like manner.

He mentally stopped until he lowered his cow-print hat lower over his face, continuing eating without furter comments.

Hoo... Oh my.

"C-Capitans blushing!" Bepo alerts everyone in the dining hall. Startling you and Law himself.

"Was not, shut up!"

"I'm sorry!" he bows apologizing.

"Well in anycase we have time dont we?" You chuckle pouring yourself some tea.

Few meters behind you you hear more bickering about "Dont joke about this!" et cetera.

Mihawk

The silent man was trying to enjoy a morning newspaper till perona started babling to him about you.

"Whats the issue?" the blandly replies.

"Have you seen what shes wearing its not cute at all!" she pouts pointing to you , a pastry in your mouth the shirt revealing the writing.

Lightning stuck in his head.

"We all have preferances.."

He didnt want to even think about it.

"Thats right, we all have preferances" you pouted back disagreeing with her.

"Of all things you choose old hot guys seriously!? Pick something cuter next time!"

Bwaaa~ You drop your pastry.

"Who says i like old hot guys?"

"Your shirt says.." He nonchalantly interrupted.

"Ah so it does, WHAT?!" You strech out your shirt noticing the writing 'Dilf patrol'

"As long as she can handle it, i see no issue." He adds in.

Your jaw dropping, how can he be so relaxed about this.

"Stop embarrasing her old man-"

The bell dings in everyones head striking a nerve.

Everyone locks eyes.

Silence follows.

It was the tensest breakfast youve ever had with the two of them.

After breakfast you chose to clean the dishes upon hearing a knock.

"Not my buisness, but good choise." And he leaves just like that.

No dishes were washed for the next 30 minutes out of sheer incapability to understand his approval.

Shanks

All bark all bite he doesnt hold back.

He digs the shirt, calls it trendy,odd but trendy, hes seen worse.

"Y/n, i qualify."

"For what?"

"You can count me as a dilf, no?"

Your brain shortcircuts.

"Well.." You eye him up and down making him wait impatiently.

"I mean sorta? Youre not really the hot DAD material are you? "

"I can be though." he shoots you a grin.

"Caaan you?" you hiss back at him.

"Wanna seee for yourselllf?"

[Continuation awaits (￣^￣)ゞ]

Bepo!

You had just woken up having no actual shirt to wear from your regulars you scramped one from the dryer. You didnt even bother to check which one it was you had agreed to train with bepo.

"Goodmornin'. " Hes as polite as ever.

"Mornin' bepo, lets start some warm ups?"

You both proceed to train along eachother however the longer it lasted the more people gathered around you two.

"Whats this about?" You question wiping the sweat off your forehead with your shirt.

"Mm Maybe because youre wearing that today?" ,his fluffy paw points to your shirt.

Every guy in a 10 meter radius was giving you thumbs up making you red as a raindeers nose.

"Y/n, whats a dilf anyways? Some new monester out there?" He innocently asks

"Haha y-no?, Do you wanna know?"

He nodds.

"Well its a preferance for older attractive looking men that have kids or had kids who grew up."

"So.. Do you like ..." he was deep in thought..

He didnt know what to ask.

"Ah mabye Vice capitan Ben?"

Pffttjfjfhdha

"Dont think hes got kids, but hes attractive so i approve." You wipe ur nose at the thought.

Next day Bepo shows around with a shirt labeled

"Shaved ice patrol."

What an innocent creature..

[davekat-sucks]

lute x adam is better than davekat and chaggie. they both sound killer singing together.

also just like wish's "villain", I find no fault in adam's reasoning, sinners such as rapists and pedos should be eradicated. i dont give a fuck about how apparently there are random kids in hell to emotionally manipulate the audience, for all we know that could be a grown ass man pretending to be a kid, and maybe that could have been more interesting: to see a hell's citizen take advantage of vaggie's kindness. it'd explain her trust issues & lute's bizarre reaction to actual mercy.

whats up with modern shows/films these days and their weird morals...

Adam x Lute is better than Davekat and Chaggie. Funny enough, Vivziepop confirmed that pedophiles, Nazis, and racists are already wiped out after they died. Like, human pedophiles/Nazis/racists who die, don't go to hell, limbo, purgatory, or heaven. They just get erased from existence. Angels have nothing to do with it. The Hazbin/Helluva universe already does its work. Of course, imps and hellborn creatures like hellhounds or the Sin ringleaders, can still be pedophiles, Nazis, and racists. But they are exempt from extermination. So the only sinners that do get sent to Hell to just do the same old shit would be murderers, con artists, human traffickers, rapists, and those who commit slavery, are still around. Which makes me question where does child murderers or those who lead child human trafficking and slavery fall in. Do they get wiped out from existence too if they didn't touch the child in that way? Do they get wiped out from existence for harming a young soul? Or do they get straight sent to Hell because murder is bad, regardless of age? Probably doesn't help that Heaven already admitted they don't know the requirements of people getting into Heaven, so it's a mystery on who is even checking since apparently at this point, even innocent souls who likely died of accident or bad circumstances, get sent to Hell regardless. It probably will be answered later on by some bullshit means, but it raises more questions on when in point did that become a thing. People pointed out that Angel Dust's sister, MOLLY, is there. What point in time Heaven allowed others to get in before it all changed with the extermination? Does even something small as when you were a kid stealing from the cookie jar, count as a major sin to be sent straight to Hell and that's why the child is sent in? Who the fuck knows. Maybe it will get answered in finale. Maybe they will hold it off for season 2 since it is confirmed and they are already recording the lines as we speak. I think the reason for these weird morals in recent modern media, just only goes for the straight black-white mortality, but hide it differently in these recent times as an act of justice that we won't make the same mistakes like we did in the past. Unfortunately, they are but are too ignorant to see it. Also in the case of how Hazbin Hotel is presenting with its rushed pacing, people, audiences and creators, would rather get to the heart of the matter fast and immediately than to build it up on how to get there. Why the fuck should we know about Camille and her backstory when all that matters is that she is a protective mother and that's it? No need to build up sustenance, all it matters is just the emotional factor to pull at your heartstrings for one moment like a quick sugar rush. No need to show the slow burn romance of why Vaggie likes Charlie. All it matters that she is now cute lesbians with her and its a good rep for LGBT. TL;DR of that is people are impatient.

[wimble-warcrime]

Ooh can I request how you think kid and killer would show their interest in you? Basically their way of courting you/beginning of a relationship. Together or separate, whatever you feel like 🖤🖤

hi anon, thanks for the ask! i'd be happy to do both :)

im a big fan of the concept of courting in general (to many period drama influences) so some of these may seem weird or ooc

kidd-

different from killer, who would take a more traditional approach to courting/wooing a potential partner, kidd's approach is more... chaotic... we'll say

we all know that this tulip head has the emotional range of a teaspoon, and therefore struggles with expressing any emotion other than rage and pride, so be prepared for a whirlwind of whiplash

he doesn't know what he wants, you don't know what he wants

killer knows what he wants, but won't be at all helpful in this case

while he will staunchly deny this until the day he dies, kidd's love language is acts of service (beating the shit out of people for you), gift giving (making you things to beat the shit out of people) and quality time (discussing in depth on how to beat the shit out of people)

expect a lot of shiny things, handmade metal contraptions, and requests for you to just sit with him (he tells you he needs someone to hold something for him, or shine the light at a particular angle, but we all know he just wants to be around you)

he fails miserably at any attempts of flirtation

the first time you cackle at him for his terrible pick-up lines, he shuts himself away for a few days. the second time, (with killer's guidance) he realizes that making you laugh would be great way to warm up to each other.

it becomes a witty back-and-forth of banter and cheesy pick-up lines, and a solid friendship is formed. you talk about whatever, he gives his (sadistic) input, he rambles on about his latest invention (probably a weapon) and you give your feedback

you don't know that each of these conversations are pertaining to the same creation, he's (very secretly, and quite skillfully (to killer's surprise)) getting your input, because he's making it for you.

it's months in the making, he probably started right after your first lengthy discussion about preferred weapon types or something like that.

i'd like to think that for kidd, it's obsession at first insult with him, so you'd probably be relatively new to the crew. he wouldn't last long enough to have known (and liked you) for years, no patience with dis man

he gets talkative when he drinks, so i guarantee you the first time he gets like black out drunk around you, he spills his guts. its an unspoked rule amongst the crew, that any 'gushy' feelings that come from that captain while he is inebriated, are not to ever EVER be brought up afterwards.

so you kind of just. sit there. thinking abt the fact that this angry tulip man like you. and wont admit it to your face.

after the first emotional moment TM you guys share, things start to pick up. you are witness to a softer side of the one-dimensional captain, and quite like it.

start seeking those out more. he won't, but the best progress is one made in emotional vulnerability. (dr. wimble advice corner approved)

he cant take a hint, so dont bother dropping any. if you wanna go forward, say something. kidd cannot read (alegedly), let alone between the lines. your best bet is to whip out your tits (gn) in front of him.

i will die on this hill, kidd is firmly a boob guy, dont try to change my mind. he lov em

there is no "so, should we date now?" phase with this guy, he just skips right to the "fucking them with the lights on" phase. a hot and heavy encounter later, and he has firmly planted himself at your side, no takes-backsies~~

you wake up the morning after hovered in hickeys and bite marks, and EVERYONE know your his now. he wont say it, but you are.

killer-

killer on the other hand, is a traditionalist, an 'el hopaness romtic' if ya know what im sayin

he will woo the pants right off you, season two anthony bridgerton wet shirt scene style (iykyk)

you probably aren't new to the crew, kil strikes me as the kinda guy who doesn't know he likes someone until it's too late. like man's good at self reflection and all, but it takes TIME to get to him, so there is no 'love at first fisticuffs' with him.

it starts with friendship (demi killer till the day i die), you two are like each others bestfriends. no one tops kidd (ehehe) for this guy, but you can tie

it's the little things at first, and more one-sided at the beginning (on your end), like complimenting his cooking, offering to help with dishes

maybe you buy him some hair stuff, he did mention that he was running out, off handedly. or, you sharpen up his knives for him while he's away

Killer's love language is also acts of service, more so on the receiving end tho, but he likes to give gifts. he'll cook for you, personally

like one meal just for you type thing. he says he wants you to try out a new recipe of his, but really, he just made you a nice meal, and cant say it to your face.

you two act like a couple already, but both deny it, saying youre just 'really good friends'

he first really realises that he likes you, seriously likes (maybe love) you when you get injured. and not like, oh little scratch, but like, almost died injured.

a foe has never been downed faster, than when killer heard your scream of pain and terror from across the battle field, and fucking flew across to get to you.

it's obvious to anyone that mans got it badd. he doesnt leave your side until youre concious again and the promptly blows up you for being dumb and reckless and almost getting killed. its a nasty fight, one that shatters your friendship. no one expected anything like that from him. probably the most anyone has ever heard from him in one go

he is just worried, but cant tell you that he loves you, without fully knowing how you feel back. not a guy who readily takes risks like that.

it's a few weeks before he's talking to you again, afraid that he astronomically fudged it by his little outburst. the exchanges are clipped, (you, who had been pining hard for him for like ever) and you're positively sure he hates your guts (he doesnt he just scared)

he avoids you, trying to put as much distance between you two as physically possible, trying to get rid of his feelings for you. but the you go and get yourself hurt. again

it was an accident this time, he saw it happen. like slow motion, the knife you were holding was bumped out of your hand by someone backing into you, it fell, cutting your hand open, before notching itself into the flood

he blows up at the person responsible, before dragging you to the medbay to patch you up. all the while, muttering about how clumsy you are, how much of a danger magnet you seem to be.

its at that moment you know how he feels. it's not said outright, but the care he takes with you, treating you like you're glass

you lean down to kiss his mask. just a small pec, an utterance of a 'thank you' whispered after

but

his heart is beating like a wild mustang, and he freezes. he makes sure your affection wasn't just because you were grateful (after he starts working again)

your reassurance is like cupids arrow for his heart. you like him, have liked him for a while

nothing really changes between your dynamic after that, at least from the outside. really, you've started to be more physically affectionate behind closed doors.

it's a huge step when he takes his mask of around you. the lights are off, and you can't see his face, but he lets you touch it. huge step in your relationship

he's still a baddie, violent and unhinged, (to keep up appearances), but when no ones looking, he'll love on you

this feels kinda rushed ngl, but alas, when is it not? anywayz anon, hope you like it! iv'e already done poly! kidkiller here, i hope you enjoy :)

btw my requests are open, but im still in college, so be mindful if it takes me a hot minute to reply to them

[borzoilover69]

do you have any posts that kinda expand on jake as a character? i want to like him in theory, but i just dont Get him, you know? its kinda like that with me for all the alphas but its the most for jake.

Oh my gosh yes!! Yes i do!! Heres some i recommend rather than me typing at length points more articulately said before or by someone else. Please please PLEAAASE message me again after you’ve read some of these and tell me if your opinions changed and what you think you get abt him!!

Jake English writing guide - expansion on his mannerisms. : a rhetoric of shit hes said that made me side eye him.

Jake english: a fandom analysis : long discussion i had with two friends abt jake

Facade, dirk and jake: small but to the point

Jake english is a jackass, not an infant.

Why tony artreactor likes jake

Harlenglishes: “when you fuck up its ok! if i fuck up its the worst thing in the entire world.”

Not required but recommended:

His ass was not being serious with these comments man. : the caliborn jake convo is my fave out of these.

Alpha kids and why i like them : personal opinion alert

Other than that i asked my friend @tipsygnostalgy their opinion on jake and they gave these wise words (roughly paraphrased)

“for me jakes appeal is fundamentally about whether humanity can overcome their own insecurities in terms of engagement with others and grow to accept true love in this essay ill be pushing him into the neongenesisangelion shinji ikari role and analyzing him thr—

Kidding, but listen. The first sentence is the crux of it. He constructs personas (believing in himself but the facade version of it) and relies on hope ketamine (believing in others) because its easier to do than to confronting the reality that he doesnt know who he is or whether he likes that person at all. This doesnt mean he lacks a self; he cant fully break but he cant fully give either. he exists in this weird limbo state where he chooses neither to be completely passive (actually letting someone walk all over him) nor completely active (refusing it outright) demonstrated best by the way in which he "breaks up" with dirk i.e. he doesnt.

He doesnt like the status quo but also doesnt believe in himself to fix it proper and i think that signifies how a lot of people make decisions when youre in this weird passive middle area. the world fucking sucks but what can you do about it, youre just one guy. No business knowing how to do that. On the other hand the way he plays people should be studied.

the jane crocker patented question of "Does he know?" is what he asks himself every night and its so utterly interesting that hes not sure of the answer”

[sweaterweatherever]

Hiii, its my first time requesting for anyone. But you are so amazing, so i was thinking maybe a ajax x reader smut Where ajax maybe had a bad day and is not really feeling himself, so whilst he is doing something (maybe homework or sum), reader is under the table iykwim. Just vanilla-ish and not deepthroating? You dont have to but i would really appriciate it since nobody has done it<3

Personal statement (Ajax Petropolus x Reader)

Pairing: Ajax Petropolus x GN Reader

A/N: Remember how last thing I posted I went heavy with the world building? Yeah, this is not it. Been both on holiday and doing stuff for school, so posting will be limited.

Warnings: Cursing. Oral sex (Male receiving) Aged up characters.

Requested: Yes! Hope you like it and I don't traumatize you for life about requesting stuff. It's short, but only because of what it is.

Ajax was sitting on his desk chair, head in his hands. He had a look of total frustration on his face.

“What’s wrong?” You asked him, slipping inside his dorm. These days, you barely bothered with discretion, both of you being seniors already. It was nothing like when you first got together, still kids, worried about any of your classmates seeing and thinking you were having sex during your fumbling make out session. God, you missed those days, your troubles had been so trivial. From now on, it would only get worse, you knew.

“Personal statement, that’s what’s wrong.” He complained, handing you the printed application that he was editing. “I think I didn’t stick enough to the prompt, and I have to turn it in next week.” The page was filled with annotations and circles in red ink, Ajax handwriting cramping the document so much it was barely legible.

“Babe. Chill. Breathe.” You said, trying to make sense of the prompt. “Tell me what this is supposed to be about.”

“I have to describe, in like, a thousand words, why I would be a good fit for the college. Also, who I am.” Ajax groaned, slumping forward on the desk. You sat on the edge of the table, and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. You rubbed a few circles there. “What if they think I’m not good enough?”

“What?” You were being confused because, first, this was Ajax you were talking about. The nicest boy on earth. Second, weren’t you just talking about who he was. “Babe, you are giving me whiplash with the logic jump there.”

“Just… Just, you know…” He peered up at you from beneath his lashes, looking so damn adorable, you wanted to kiss him silly. You abstained only because he was in desperate need of assurance.

“I don’t, actually.” And you really didn’t. You knew he had insecurities, who didn’t? But you didn’t think college applications would be the detonator. Everyone made shit up for theirs, it was a given.

“Look, Xavier has the whole artist thing going on. Wednesday has her novels and she plays the cello. You are you. Fuck, even Tyler can whip up something interesting about himself, with the whole being from a discriminated species even for outcasts.” He rubbed at his eyes, the tell-tale sign he was getting a headache from all the stress. “How do I compete with that?”

“You don’t.” You stated, firmly. Ajax looked at you, betrayal in his eyes. Underneath it, there was a hurt expression. Realizing you had been too blunt, you took his face in your hands and brushed at his cheek gently. “Our friends aren’t your competition. Xavier is going to a fancy art college. Wednesday is going to an Ivy League, and we all know it. Tyler is… Wherever he is applying. And we are both applying to the same college, yes, but different majors and on different first options too. You have to worry about the college being your dream college, and not whipping up some model application based on things that aren’t you.” You kissed the crease between his eyes, softly.

“Yeah, but wanting it badly won’t get me in… I’m not enough.”

“You are more than enough. The SAT scores you have are great. I read your essay for this college too, you bombed it. It more than makes out for any perceived defects you think this has.” You waved the statement in the air. “I love you. You are more than enough.”

“Yeah, but you are…” Ajax starts, and you really don’t want him to finish the sentence. An insecure Ajax is hard to talk down, but a stressed one gets… Too in his head. You hate to see him hurting. How could you help him get out of his head?

“Your partner?” You got off the desk, an idea suddenly striking you. “You think I'm biased?”

“Kinda.” Ajax grabbed at your hands, pulling you closer.

“But being yours doesn’t make me do anything I don’t want. And you know, I’m honest. Always. Brutally so.” And it was true, too. You were famous in your friend group for running your mouth and lacking a brain to mouth filter. It had been the way you and Ajax had gotten together, too. If it weren’t for your straightforwardness, the poor guy would have never noticed you liked him.

“Yeah, but…”

“Do I look obligated to you?” You asked, getting more on his face, until you were almost sitting in his lap.

“No, but you…” You pushed his chair away from the desk. “What are you doing?” Ajax eyed you, suspicious.

“I always do what I want.” You insisted. “And right now, I want to shut you up. If you consent, of course. Because consent is sexy.” You grimaced at your own words. No brain to mouth filter indeed. Way to make a blowjob sound unsexy.

“… I…” Ajax stared at you, confused puppy look on his face.

“A blowjob. That’s what I mean.” You parted his legs for him, and Ajax let you move him like a rag doll, completely limp on your grasp. He was too dumbfounded by your words to say anything. “Yes or no?” You tapped his leg, insistently. “I bet orgasms are good for stress, too.”

“Are you really trying to sweeten the deal when it includes a blowjob?” Ajax smiled a little, seemingly shaking off the daze he was in. You couldn’t help but smile back.

“Yes or no?” You squeezed at his knee.

“Yes.” Ajax pulled you in for a kiss, still muttering against your lips. “I’m an idiot, but not idiot enough to refuse a blowjob from my gorgeous partner.”

“Those SAT scores say the opposite.” You responded, dropping to your knees beneath his desk. There was something dirty about it, sucking your boyfriend off while he was sitting on his desk, doing important work. Maybe some day you could try that too, when he wasn’t as in his head as today.

“Grades don’t measure intelligence.” Ajax said, breath hitching slightly at having your face so close to his crotch.

“Yeah, that right there? Makes you fucking smart.” You caressed his thighs, slowly, trying to get him riled up. “Only smart people say shit like that.”

“Dirty mouth.” He cautioned.

“About to get dirtier, babe.” You popped the button of his pants. Ajax laughed. Instead of helping him get out of them, you ran your hands lightly against his stomach, nails scratching at his sides, until he was squirming. “Good?”

“Good.” Ajax leaned down, almost doubling over himself, to press a kiss to your forehead. Your hands went lower, slowly making your way to his hips, and the waistband of his boxers. It was going to get messy, you betted. Ajax always got a little brain-dead with blowjobs, reaction time pretty slow, and you weren’t about to ruin your clothes. So, you take your shirt off.

“I want you so badly.” You say, slowly palming him through his boxers. His eyes roam your body, but he seems content to let you do as you please. Ajax is slowly getting harder under your touch, breath hitching. “Should I jerk you off first, or just use my mouth?”

“Mouth, please.” Ajax covers his face with his arm, throwing his head back on the chair. He already looks wrecked and you have barely touched him. You love how embarrassed he gets, asking for what he wants. You hope one day you manage to fuck that out of him, but you enjoy him like this for now. His happy trail is very sparse, so you take advantage and lick your way down from it, thighs clenching at the way he squirms under you.

You pull him out and stroke him a couple of times, just to get him hard enough to suck him off. Ajax has a pretty cock, perfect size to make your jaw hurt just right. You kissed a path from his thighs to it, working out the courage to get started. Ajax’s thighs trembled under your hands, impatient.

“Come on, don’t tease.” He pleads, and you finally, finally, put your mouth on him, licking a stripe down the shaft. Safe sex is good, but it’s much harder to give a blowjob to someone wearing a condom, the slide isn’t that great and flavored lube is not a sacrifice you are willing to do today. Ajax keeps himself very neat down there, and he showers frequently, so it’s not that much of a hardship.

His erection is getting harder, tip flushed a pretty pink. A tiny bead of pre-cum is starting to form there, so you lick at it, grimacing a little at the salty taste. You haven’t done this in a while, and you had forgotten how he tastes. Even salty, it beats the flavored lube. It’s Ajax. That already makes it way better.

“Want me to get a condom?” Ajax asks, brushing your hair out of your face. It seems like he has been watching you the whole time. He’s got good blowjob etiquette, you have taught him well. He never pulls at your hair or head. Ajax is all gentle touches and soft skin, the only times he pulls your hair is when you ask him too.

“Nope. Just, saltier than I remembered.” You wrap your lips around the tip, being careful to not drag your teeth too much. You aid yourself with your tongue, drawing nonsensical patterns on the underside of his cock. Ajax moans, and you sneak a quick glance at him to find him with his eyes closed, head thrown back. You hollow your cheeks, making his hips nearly buck up. And nearly because he is too sweet to thrust into your mouth.

“Fuck… Fuck, like that.” Ajax says, looking down at you. Your eyes meet, and you snicker at his fucked out look. His hand comes to brush at your cheek affectionately. You take more of him in your mouth, licking at the head at the same time. Just before you start gagging, you warp your hand around what you can’t fit on your mouth.

“Love you.” Ajax brushes your hair out of your hair again, tucking it behind your ears. You start to bob your head up and down, aiding yourself with your hand. You squeeze at the underside of his cock, and supporting yourself on his thigh, you let your hand go to his balls. Ajax will strongly deny it later, but at that, he gives a small scream, back arching and cock nearly choking you. You remove your hand immediately, pushing at his hips with a frown. Only when he sits back down, you keep going.

“Shit, sorry.” He says, but he doesn’t sound very coherent. You repeat the motion, curious about what other curse words you can pull from him. “Too good.”

You scratch lightly at his thighs, a wave of hot, urgent arousal on your stomach. You want him to fall apart under you, badly. Your jaw aches, but you don’t pay it attention, choosing instead to go faster, with both your hand and mouth. You open your legs more, so you don’t need to hold on his thigh so as not to fall forward and fondle his balls again, lightly scratching with your nails. Ajax gets impossibly harder, and you know he is close.

“Close.” He says, tapping your shoulder. You give him a look that screams, no shit Sherlock, and keep at it, staring him directly in the eyes and jerking him faster with your hand, mouth tightening as much as you can. He looks at you, and Ajax fucking whimpers. Seeing you on your knees, shirtless, and staring up at him like you want to ruin him, makes it for him. His hips jerk and he comes on your mouth with a moan, face scrunching prettily. You pull away at the last second, letting it drip down your chin and neck. Ajax moans again and pulls you to your feet.

“Let me return the favor?” He asks, as he kisses you, uncaring of the mess between the two of you. It sticks to his skin, his shirt.

“Sure. As long as you don’t look at that statement until tomorrow.”

“What statement?” Ajax asks, kissing you again. You laugh against his mouth as he starts tugging you towards the bed.

[shygirl4991]

SMG3 Sussy Notebook

ima tag smg3 sussy notebook spoilers and have the pics of the notebook under read more so you can pick if ya wanna see the notebook! These are highlights and not every page!

now that we have the pw for club penguin we can all log in and get all the cool skins, honestly i feel if mario just guess the password it wouldnt take him long to get it xD be faster then stealing the notebook and all

ah yes the start of the worlds longest slowburn its a super funny thought that right out the usb he gets his notebook and goes this bitch here ima make him my life rival

oh shit shout out to these two that showed up in SMG3 Gauntlet of gloom

suuuure buddy keep telling yourself that, seems even tho SMG3 marked him as his rival and hated him over what happen in college he still wanted to hang out with 4 and be friends but its not like he cares or anything...baka!

lmao the censor on what happen in the igloo ah yes nothing but hugging happen there nothing to M rated xD im guessing the real book in universe might have it a bit more detail given the big deal it was for wotfi 2023

we really dont talk about that hug

did...did i call it in my fic that this man legit is crazy about beans and hot sauce im dying i guess when your the bad guy with low budget for food you get use to the good classic beans and hot sauce

oh honey thats not how that works xD this man is smart but also oh so dumb i think he gets that from his avatar that and he is a few years fresh from the usb Update: @alianarepasa let me know its from a mad max episode i manage to miss it was a fun watch and now i understand what this means xD these peeps really went wild without internet poor toad

pifft im guessing he has masters degree specialized in psychology? other wise idk how he is a psychologist and he seems to be a good one from what we have seen but who knows he could be bullshitting his way through how evil xD

both our boys are ready to ride forklifts into the sunset someone draw this please xD

im laughing i guess SMG3 isnt much a fan of boopkins but seems he really enjoys being with the crew he wont say it but im sure he is a happy bean to finally be with the cool kids after years of being jealous.

he says but give this man eggdog or eggdog memes and he becomes Tari in a second

hey lads we found the page from SMG4 We Dont Talk About What Happened in the Elevator

he wants a castle but ended up with a sick lair in a coffee shop i think thats better!

okay putting my shipping heart away this is so interesting to me like he starts off thinking 4 is a loser and makes him his rival then gets jealous he has these friends and he isnt apart of them. We know SMG3 is lonely and lost as he doesn't know his purpose before becoming lord of the graveyard now being apart of the crew and now knowing who is he, SMG3 is much happier and closer to the crew. But the way he writes this feels like he likes the close contact with 4 and while he doesnt want to admit it could it be he legit does have romantic feelings? idk i feel these past episodes and this part really gets me thinking they have something here to really make smg34 canon naturally and not have the way they act with each other be to different might go more into this later.

this sparks joy thank you for including this and thats it for my ted talk thanks for reading again this is just my highlights i dont want to post the whole notebook here just stuff that gets my mind going!

[the-s1lly-corner]

What would like if TADC meet a reader that who doesn't really give a shit to anything , swears a lot and lazy but sometimes she can be suprisingly smart and can give some usefull and healthy advices..

Probably before he was in digital Circus she was an sucsesfull person but something happend and he become a person like that.

Probably wear that headset for get away from his life.

Romantic or platonic your choise

Zooble, Caine, Jax, Kinger x reader whos rude and lazy but gives good advice

currently not taking posts for the entire cast so i let the wheel choose the characters for this post ! going to do this request as well one or two more then i might go work on art.. or nap... we'll see shrugs

CAINE:

even if your swearing censored, caine is still going to scold you for your constant swearing. in fact im inclined to believe that the dynamic between the two of you is going to be tense because of this; you kind of get tired of telling someone to not do something over and over again.. you know? doesnt force you to do IHAs, though, since we see him attempt to make an accommodation for zooble when they expressed they werent interested (despite still being roped into it thanks to the gloinks but hushhush...).. honestly i dont see him being the type to seek out advice, so theres a solid chance he doesnt know you can give some wise words unless he sees you helping someone out. will be annoying about it since he takes it as you "coming out of your shell" or something along those lines

JAX:

thinks its funny and he probably tries to rile you up on purpose... you know how theres always that one annoying kid in class thats trying to push that one tired teachers buttons? its like that, i think, and youre really trying to do your best to not cuss the rabbit out.. knows you tend to opt out of IHAs so just a heads up hes probably going to booby trap your bedroom door because he knows youre going to go back to your room.. probably goes into your room sometimes to slightly shift things around. drives you nuts. will admit some of your advice is good, i think jax has some ability to get real and serious sometimes so he can agree with some of the things you say... wont stop him from being a menace, though

KINGER:

two old people; one sweet the other grumpy..? i dont think he would feel this way or that about your dirty mouth, i think he might try to ask why you're so rude every now and then. doesnt try to convince you to go out and do something; since he doesnt have much room to stand on since he tends to skip activities to keep himself inside his pillow fort... not that hes lazy, hes just scared that something is going to go haywire, you know? likely spaces out whenever you try to bring up some real important or helpful info/advice, but thats just kinger you know? you guys probably trade advice every now and then me thinks

ZOOBLE:

think i said this somewhere in a request w/ a reader who swears a lot... but i think zooble flat out wouldnt really vibe with you. theres a difference between dropping a swear every now and then but theyre going to think youre annoying if youre being excessive with the swearing, you know? makes someone sound like a little kid who just learned a new naughty word, and it doesnt matter that youre likely older than them... no thoughts on your laziness, since they themselves would much rather want to skip out on an IHA than to be forced to participate in it.. but thats more of zooble not wanting to do it than being lazy, if that makes sense? does keep notes on some of the advice you spew out every now and then, though... doubt they go seek it out though

[wifegideonnav]

should i read homestuck. like i feel it would be interesting so i could see what yall are talking about in regards to tlt but is homestuck actually good

"is homestuck good" - the greatest thread in the history of forums, locked by a moderator after 8129 pages of heated debate,

no but seriously, it highkey depends on 1. your definition of good and 2. your tolerance for stupid bullshit. as someone who read tlt and then hs, i'd say that being a fan of the chaotic aspect of tlt is a good predictor of being able to hang in with homestuck.

readmore because this. um. got long. the tl;dr is: i like homestuck a lot and i am glad i read it. i can't tell you if you should read it bc idk your tastes, but there is a lot to like and enjoy about it.

the official pitch for homestuck is something like "4 kids play a game and then a bunch of other shit happens." here's my pitch based on what the core of the story is to me:

several groups of characters across time, space, and reality are brought together in order to succeed at creating a new universe after their own are destroyed. this takes the form of a game, which is called sburb (by the humans) and sgrub (by the trolls). the characters must contend with an eternal battle against good and evil in which they are the deciding factor, and level up while following personalized quests. at its heart, homestuck is about relationships of every sort and how they shape us, growing up and the associated grief and loss, coming into ones identity and choosing who to be, predestination and fate, and stories themselves. it gets very meta at times, and the characters are semi to fully aware that they're characters, and attempt to subvert or escape that. it's got hordes of fleshed out, compelling characters, one of which will almost certainly glom onto you for the rest of your life, real emotion, extremely funny jokes, smart and exciting plotting, and some very cool moments. it more or less invented an entire new genre/medium, and plays with medium in a very cool way.

it is also clunky, hard to get into, and way too convoluted. you will never fully understand what's happening. there are tons of characters whose stories you will follow whom you simply do not care about. there are too many characters. it was written by an edgelord in 2009 so there's some unsavory humor and character writing. it's so fucking long. the ending kinda sucks because the fandom was so toxic that hussie simply wanted it over with. the fandom still kinda sucks tbh. so many people have wrong opinions about it. it requires a very specific lens to approach and understand it. i still dont understand what happened with that fucking puppet someone explain it to me.

overall, i'd say that if you think you want to read it, give it a shot. i have a complicated relationship with it but at the end of the day, i genuinely love the story and the characters and i know they will be with me forever. it certainly enhanced my understanding of tlt, and getting to read more of tamsyn's writing was such a bonus (even though her taste in pairings is. not the same as my own). and like honestly. it's just fun. even when you're going "wait what the fuck just happened" you're having fun. it's really goddamn funny too. it WILL change the way you speak and also think about romance forever.

the best way to read it is to have an experienced reader guide you, but if you or other people don't know anyone like that, here are my basic tips:

i think most people know this already, but download the unofficial homestuck collection. just do it. it's like 4 gigs and it's infinitely better than trying to read on the broken website, and it's even ad free. it can also be modded - for instance ik there's a slur replacer mod (lmao) if you don't want to read those

act 1 sucks to read. you're like what the fuck is this, THIS is homestuck?? the beginning is radically different from how it ends up, so just hang in there. for me, it really picked up somewhere in act 3. just focus on the silly fun the characters are having and you'll be good

things you should actually try to follow in the early acts: the concept of a sylladex existing (the various fetch modi are only there for jokes and eventually just kinda stop being a thing), where all the copies of the game are, what each kid's relationship with their guardian is like, the mechanics of the game and the lore behind it, including classpects and quests

things you do not have to waste brain space on: anything about how the totems work, what the various machines are, what the levels are, basically any of the jokes that would be funny to hussie's original intended audience of software engineers and rpg gamers. oh and the intermission with the midnight crew and the felt, just know that those are guys that exist and you'll be good.

and the biggest tip i have is just. go with it. suspend your disbelief. a lot of the worldbuilding doesn't really make sense, but it would be a worse story if it did. when the time shit and ectobiology come into play, literally just go ok got it and keep going, don't think too hard.

so yeah i don't even know if any of this is useful but i hope it helps you decide. and if you or anyone else have follow up questions send em!

[roe-and-memory]

i think that cruz is kinda tall, right, and natalie is a little shorter. not by much but just by Enough that she has to stand on her tiptoes to be eye-to-eye with cruz - or, to kiss cruz

i ALSO feel like cruz woule be the type to be very proud and open about it . what flag do i want on my car beside my name? the lesbian one. her firesuit has the flag beside the piston cup logo on her arm and shes literally an Icon EVERWHERE.

natalie, on the other hand, is a little more discreet - but not by a lot. she wears shirts with cruz’s car and name on them, she wears cruz’s shirts in General, and she focuses maybe a little Too much on the extremely impressive stats of her girlfriend, much to chick hicks dismay

chick isn’t homophobic, but cruz is the “adoptive” daughter of lightning mcqueen . his most Rivalled ever. natalie will go out of her way to waste chicks time on purpose out of Spite by either hanging out on pit road with her off microphone and press pass, or just straight up telling him Give me a Second i need to kiss my gf and wish her good luck. fuck off chick dicks

and he cant be MAD because that would make him look bad . he is The piston cup winner of All Time. right. but he will angrily brush past lightning on pit road and lightning just grins because ooooohhhhh someones mad (get his ass cruz and natalie)

but also dont imagine natalie never really learning how to cook, she’d always been more interested in school and stats - piston cup fan when she was a kid too, obsessed with the idea of working the jobs of darrell and bob - whereas cruz grew up in a house of tradition and culture, where she learned to cook almost everything under the sun . so DEFINITELY dont imagine an intense weather delayed race, the two of them in cruz’s motorhome hiding from the elements And the press, rain pounding against the windows and gentle sounds of people talking and laughing drifting through the paper thin walls, and theyre Baking. cruz is gently guiding natalie through it, standing behind her with her hands over nats, doing the swift cutting motions and everything..

“you know you dont have to help me do everything, right? you could always tell me the instructions.” natalie tells her with a lighthearted, joking tone

“what fun is that?! we’re baking together, i like being able to do this. plus, its cold in here and youre warm, its a win-win situation!”

natalie throws her head back and laughs, “cant really argue with that, can i?”

baking sort of goes to shit, they abandon all of the ingredients still on the counter and end up putting on a movie on the tv in cruz’s room, just cuddling up together in her bed and falling asleep to whatever film they’d half-agreed on watching together

[tanadrin]

Hey... sorry if this is too much, but im a baby trans and ive been struggling to grasp the concept what gender is, everytime i try to look for a definition i only find the vague basics like "its what you identify as!" Or i find bigoted shit from trasphobes. If you have any recommendations of essays about gender from trans people who dive deeper unto the concept it would really help. Sorry if im bothering you i just dont really know who else to ask 😅

i don't know how helpful i can be. i have a very instrumental view of transition--i.e., if you think it might make you happier than you are now, you should give it a try and see. i think a lot of pointless verbiage is spilled on trying to nail down difficult-to-elucidate questions about purely internal experiences, about the distinction between gender and sex, and about what all this gender stuff means anyway. i think that stuff can be interesting to discuss, if you like that sort of thing (and i do!) but that loading yourself up with a lot of gender theory isn't actually useful for figuring out what you should do vis a vis your gender presentation and how you identify.

for those latter questions, i think the answer is simple: what makes you happier? when you imagine a given gender presentation, or your body being different in certain ways, or people calling you by a certain name, does that sound appealing? doesn't matter why. if so, go for it! and frankly this advice is quite agnostic of whether or not you're cis or trans. people should adopt the identities that feel most conducive to their happiness. you do not need elaborate theoretical justifications for any of it. anyone who demands an elaborate theoretical justification for how you dress or what name you choose to use or anything like that is an asshole whose opinion you can safely ignore. i guarantee you they are selective in this demand, and are only using it to try to find an excuse to be a dick.

that said, you want a definition of gender, and i guess i can try.

"gender" has no definition. that's not meant to be a smart aleck answer. what i mean is: "gender" is a conceptual category. conceptual categories do not exist outside of our discourse about them. there is nowhere in the world you can go to lay your hands on A Gender. there is no Gender Particle. and while in most philosophical traditions we think of categories as having necessary and sufficient conditions for membership ("a human is an animal descended from the last common ancestor of humans and chimpanzees" might be such a taxonomic definition), conceptual categories aren't actually constructed that way. because that's not how the human brain actually works: when you're a kid learning what words mean, you don't learn "a chair is a thing with four legs you sit on." that wouldn't be accurate anyway (a horse is not a chair). you see lots of chairs and pictures of chairs and you form an image in your mind of what a chair is and when you see a thing your brain compares it to other things like it you've seen before, and if it looks like your mental model of a chair, you think, "chair."

(this is in fact how almost all definitions work in practice. even for formal scientific categories for which it seems like a traditional definition might be workable, because our terms are so specific, there are problems and corner-cases. is a HeLa cell a human? it's certainly an autonomous organism. it's certainly descended from the last common ancestor of a chimpanzee and a human being. but it's a single-celled organism that exists only in laboratory cultures, and lacks everything else we expect a human to have.)

so, uh, gender. "gender" is from the latin word "genus" meaning "kind." it is a doublet (that is, shares an etymological origin) with the words "genre" and (more distantly) "kin." obviously, a word's etymology is not its meaning. confusing the two is called the etymological fallacy. but originally when we talked about "gender" we were pretty explicitly talking about categories in general, and i think that's useful to keep in mind. incidentally, "sex" (also from Latin) has a similar etymology--it's related to "section," i.e., the creation of a category by dividing a group. though "sex" acquired something like its current meaning much earlier.

most human cultures group humans into two broad conceptual categories. this is based on a variety of traits, of which physical traits like genitals are seen as frequently foundational. some cultures explicitly create additional ancillary categories, or provide a means to move (often only partially) from one category to another. contemporarily, there has been an effort to distinguish "biological sex" (seen as what chromosomes you have, reflected by what genitals and other physical characteristics you have) from "gender" (seen as a question of social presentation).

i think this is a mistake. you might be able to spot why--biological sex is a conceptual category! most humans are xx or xy, but there is in fact a wide variety of sex-chromosomal arrangements that are possible. xx and xy are only the most common. biology is messy, and it's hard to tell how messy, because we don't routinely karyotype people. the existence of rare-but-noteworthy conditions like complete androgen insensitivity (frequently reuslting in a chromosomal "male" that is "mis"identified as and lives their whole life as a female) highlight that even within the purely biological realm, sex emerges only as two broad clusters, not as two clearly divided bins. moreover, a trans person who has been taking cross-sex hormones for many years is in a sort of willingly-imposed intersex state. so saying a trans woman is a "biological male" or a trans man is a "biological female" (especially if they have had an orchiectomy or hysterectomy and can no longer produce gametes of their respective assigned sex at birth) is sort of funny--we're privileging an (assumed) chromosomal arrangement over the biological facts on the ground. and while DNA does control a lot about how our bodies grow and develop, it can in fact be overridden! otherwise, cosmetic surgery, or hair dye, or LASIK surgery would all be exercises in futility.

"gender" is sometimes also talked about as a set of internal experiences. you "feel like" or "identify as" a particular gender. and while it's certainly plainly true for some people (both cis and trans), it seems not to be true of everybody (cis or trans), and for other people it's hard to say. not everybody has perfect access to their own feelings all the time. people get told they're lying about what they feel when that's socially inconvenient for other people. and internal states are impossible to measure or verify. they're also often pretty hard to put into words, and we mostly can access them only indirectly, by sidling up to them, or by trying to find other people whose experiences/thoughts/feelings seem to resonate with our own.

so i don't have a definition of gender for you, or an etiology, or even a very robust account. sorry! but i also think that anybody trying to tell you they do is operating from an understanding so narrow that they don't even begin to understand its limits.