#and its not even that im burnt out or anything
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doodle for the hoplite grind
#fulham#mcsr#helsketches#i can't lie i really want to finish mcsrtober#and its not even that im burnt out or anything#my mind is just blank#no ideas
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As an attempt at a polite "going forward" comment...
I do not plan to draw for Three Houses or Hopes for a long while. I know a lot of my followers are from the past four years and I appreciate that you followed me at all! But if you are only interested in the art of those characters I wanted to be clear and say you can unfollow me at any point if what i draw no longer aligns with what you want to see.
I might draw for other FEs (like Heroes or 13/14/17) but I do not want to get involved with 3H any more. I do have other interests and across tumblr, twitter (now inactive), and sometimes on discord I've heard enough "I thought it was (FE3H character)".
This is not one person doing it and it is not simply one character being mistaken. I simply want to distance myself from 3H and have unfollowed a few people that reblog art of it because it just leaves a lingering bad taste in my mouth.
Thank you very much for your time and I hope you can find artists who can provide art for topics you like.
#moe talks a lot#not art#again this is NOT the fault of one person its been accumulating for a loooong time#its not even other franchises entirely being labeled as 3h oopsies!#i think one of the most frustrating was a twitter exp where i drew felicia and flora from fates and someone said thought it was marihilda#its just very demotivating and makes me feel like im nothing but a machine for the 3h fans and i want to move past that#i would far prefer no comments or tags than the constant barrage of mistaking a character when i draw for anything else#i know (or rather hope) people who do this are not doing it to be mean! but ! it hurts to put time into something to have it devalued#im sorry to those that really liked my 3h art but i am extremely burnt out on some comments and being asked to justify my doodles#i just want to draw stupid things and it got to the point i had to explain my stupid things#which defeated the stress relief of it being stupid#half of the asks i never replied to were like this so again it is NOT just one person doing this ! its just finally added up#to me needing to be open and clear#i tried to be concise in the main post but it still looks really wordy#opened the ask box again temporarily but not open to anons so we will see how this goes
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ELLO 😊👋
First off your art style is SO AWESOME 💯
Second, why don't you draw nikusa,agoti,aldryx,or solazar anymore if you don't mind me asking of course, but if you are going to draw them soon can you draw nikusa for me pls I love her; also thanks for reading my question have a good day
thanks so so much ☺️ I do still draw them, lately I haven’t had the motivation nor the time (job and school) to really do any art in general. but for you, I’ll strive one time to doodle the void queen <3
#live fast die young bad girls do it well#its even hard to think about drawing the blorbos at the front of my mind thats how burnt out i am LOL but its the weekend now so. Hopefully#maybe i should rephrase- i do some fast sketches here and there but nothing post-worthy so i may just refine stuff if im feeling it#if anyone wants to see haphazard sketches ill probably post them but most are more anatomy studies of characters than anything#my art#nikusa#entity#ask#ic3ycr3am#thank you again 💞💞 now i gotta go to work yippie
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filler doodles about how i comedically whitewashed myself as a child (despite also being the darkest i had and still have ever been in my entire life) because i cannot wrap my head around it
#filler art#my art#i was also short haired at the time so its odd i drew myself as having very long hair but is it any more weird than me whitwashing myself no#i remember i also imagined myself to grow up as a white girl like#HUH??? like i was so convinced i was going to look like all the white main character girls on television ... i had to look like one#all of this was probably because of the lack of representation in tv i could find at the time tbh#BECAUSE THIS WASNT AN ISSUE OF MY DAY TO DAY LIFE NOOOOOO#in here being... moreno?!?! . brown?!?!! EVEN IF LIGHT IS MILES MORE COMMON THAN BEING WHITE#AND ITS SO MUCH MROE SILLIER BECAUSE I WAS MCUH MORE DARK THAN I CURRENTLY AM BACK THEN#as of now im more so lightskinned . nowhere near white but im not very dark either because i dont see rhe sun often ww so im pale#BACK THEN I GOT BURNT ON THE SUN AS A HOBBY im serious i sat on the hot rock floor with burning sun climate bevause it was nice#NOT EVEN THE CURLS COULD BE SAVED I HAD TO PORTRAY MYSELF AS STRAIGHT HAIRED FOR WHATEVER REASON#like on my defense i did straighten my hair out a lot as a young child but THAT LASTED LIKE 2 DAYS EVERY TIME#so 90% i was curls so its funny#ALSO WHY DID WE CALL THE CREAM COLOR “THE SKIN COLOR” WHAT#like. it wasnt just me . whole elementary school knew if you asked for rhe skin color you talkin about thay#any tone of brown simply did not work I DONT KNOW WHY WE WERE ALL LIKE THIS???#thankfully at the age of 10 i realized i infact had melanin but .. i coudlnt accept i had black hair still💀💀#so my skin and hqir color were always the same in portrayals ITS SO FUNNY IM SORRY#I FIDN THIS INSANELY FUNNY IM SO SORRY#dont feel too concerned i wasnt ashamed of my skin color or anything but i had the warped idea i would look white soon#not if you keep cooking youself in the sun you wont /j#i dont know what to say about how i draw myself now a days i dont draw myself as myself but i know i aint white now its okay 🩷 (/hj)
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saw a tiktok of a guy saying as an autistic person all of his best friends and people he instantly clicked with have been people with adhd............all of my best friends have had adhd.......
#am i autistic???#how did i get to age 24 and no one ever said anything to me abt it#howd the schools miss it?#or maybe im not idk#sure feels like it sometimes tho#like big relate to all the late diagnosed high masking women who talk abt their experiences#diagnosis is so expensive tho and like if its a yes what do i even do with that what difference will it make#snd if its a no ugh what a waste of money#not an aro post today guys sorry just#rethinking my childhood a lil#autism#adhd#audhd#women with autism#any advice on figuring out if this could be me is much appreciated#tho also i suppose ppl without autism dont spend so much of their time wondering if they have autism#but i also !!#really dont want to be one of those people who just think they're autistic bc they saw some tiktoks bc ik theres a lot of misinformation#but like especially when im tired or burnt out i feel like i see myself showing symptoms so bad#but when im well rested and not stressed i dont think i do?? or not as much??#but maybe thats masking??#idk guys im so confused
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Hi im alive
Got metal gear shirt today
I took the photo at the shopping centre IGNORE HOW WEIRD THE IMAGE LOOKS
#i kind of just needed a break#a short one but a break#im kind of burnt out#not from drawing or anything but from socialising#even online with posting or talking to people#tomorrow im going out but i think I will be done for awhile#which sucks because I school so I have to deal with the drama of that#and deal with the people there and in my circle of friends#(I KNOW U MIGHT SEE THIS CLARE AND ESPE IM NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU GUYS I LOVE YOUS)#im just kind of tired.#sighhh#I LOVE MY NEW SHIRT HOWEVER#raiden shirt raiden shirt RAIDEN SHIRT RAIDEN SHIRT#its super cool i love it#was torn between mgs2 shirt or that one#i will buy the mgs2 shirt when it goes on sale#ALSO ALSO IM PRE-ORDERING THE RAIDEN NENDO RERELEASE I NEED HIM#if they made an otacon one i'd also get it#maybe a mgs2 snake too#I DUNNO#and my buyee order is almost ready to be shipped so more twst merch YIPPIEE#okay thats everthing i wanted to say#goodnighttt#mgrr#mgr raiden#cheerio chatting
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bro ngl I am so fucking tired
#just blahs#this isn't about anything in specific#jk it is its about school#but still#applicable to many things#i am so terribly burnt out#i literally just want to hang out with the silly gay people in my phone but school is killing me y'all#i dont even have that hard of classes 😭#i purposefully took really simple low-homework classes in an attempt for this to *not* happen and clearly that did not work#i didnt even go through the dndads tag yesterday even though i was able to listen to the episode#i made like . 1 post and rbed what was on my dash (or what little of it i saw yesterday) but jesus fuck y'all#why's highschool gotta be like this#and why does this year feel so much worse#i literally have easier classes this year than i have *any* other year but i just feel like staring aimlessly at my wall for 6 hours#im just#so tired
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I don't have time for people who don't have time for me
I don't have time for people who don't have time for me
I don't have time for people who don't have time for me
#yes yes i know adult life leaves little room for spending time with people who you care about & even if we have time we're burnt out#but my whole adult life has been white-knuckled clinging to relationships or people that barely if ever send that energy back#as soon as theyre onto the next person that will entertain them. as soon as theyve found something to fill the time that i usually take up#as soon as theyve gotten all they wanted from me emotionally. as soon as its inconvient to see me. almost as soon as theyre bored#then suddenly its me waiting for a text. waiting for a day to hang out. hearing over and over again that yet another thing is more importan#than me. and i get it. life happens. schools important. work is important. rest is important. but at the point im at in my life#im looking for people who actually make an effort not just give months and months of excuses as to why they suddenly cant hang out#im a pushover. im easy-going. im a very understanding person. i get it bc theres also very few days per week that im free to socialize#but i cant keep letting myself act subservient to everyone else in my life. i always put my friends & potential friends so high on pedestal#i treat them & their time as precious. now i refuse to let someone do anything but the same for me. my time/energy/love is just as precious#i dont deserve only a text when you need something from me or just to act as a treat to tide me over until the next transgression#and i certainly am NOT going to be the person that you can stand-up and then expect to still answer your text. not anymore.#in prioritizing my mental health lately ive realized that this pattern HAS TO STOP. i cant allow myself to continue the same harmful cycles#i deserve better. i need better. i WANT BETTER#emma vents#vent tag#healing tag
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I actually feel bad for my sister. It must suck when the person you've hurt most is the only one who can understand you
#maybe because im the only one who stayed long enough to know#maybe because i was dumb but also because i had no choice#how does it feel to look in the mirror at your own shattered reflection and know that your fist is the one covered in blood in glass shards#but both of you paid the price#we were the only witness to each others pain- back when it was too much to remember she remembered it all#its hard not to think back and wonder if it even happened- i mean we were galsighted. thats kind of the longterm effects of that#its hard to remember. i could say anything i want about what happened. i could lie and no one but her would ever know#... which also mean i can tell the truth and know one will ever know. its equally unbelievable#she is both a symbol of my pain and my only reassurance that i felt it at all. we're both that for each other i think#im possibly the person shes hurt most but shes not the person who hurt me most#it makes it hard to be mad. not because shes forgiven but simply because my anger is used up- burnt out
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i dont think theres a single thing in my life im not tired of anymore. i dont feel like doing anything and im sick to my stomach of everything ever
#i live day after day going through all daily activies i can do#and being sick of all of them#i dont want to sleep i dont want to eat#i dont want to talk to people anymore. i dont want to draw anymore#im fucking sick of social media#i get bored and try to distract myself but all youtube videos are boring ive heard every song on my playlist and im sick of all of them#i want to leave my house but theres nothing to do outside and no place to go#i want to buy a snack or something fun for me but the number on my bank account keeps going lower and lower everyday#im scared of running out of money and starving again#but i havent finished the commission i got ages ago and im too burnt out from drawing to get new ones#i hate everything and everyone everything makes me angry and i get mad even at my friends#im sick im tired its like i havent felt actually good about anything in ages#i am in some kind of fucked up torture chamber purgatory losing any sense of self every second#god.
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Sorry for being really slow with like. everything art related guys I have been going through it so bad
#Im so emotionally and physically burnt out rn i physically can't even talk to my friends without feeling like my heads abt to explode#this is mostly for the people commissioning me rn I can't get anything good out atm#I'm working on them but bear with me for a day or so#so im gonna. mental health break. Im seeing my dad tomorrow and saturday he's getting me out of the house so maybe I'll be back to normal#my mums bf put up cameras that alert his phone when someone moves outside and it just kicked my anxiety up so bad I literally can't handle#the idea of leaving the house and him seeing it on the camera and making a comment lmaoooo#I gotta. get over that but he makes fun of me all the time anyway (in a joking way im just sensitive) so I just expect it#and bc of that I can't leave my house more so than normal#I need to see a doctor abt my anxiety like. bad. but Im too scared of going and wasting their time since the NHS is already strained#which. also comes from my anxiety lol#its BADDDD its so bad I shouldn't be scared to go outside#I do try and force myself and its never that bad but I disassociate the whole time and I feel like im not making any progress really#anyway sorry for turning into a little vent LMAO oopsie..#all this to say I'm very eepy and just need a second to get back on track#.txt
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why am i so bad at keeping in touch with people??!? not knowing what a frienship actually means???! i feel like im doing everything wrong. i feel like i never tried hard enough in all my 23 years of coordinating with people
#personal#girl i am so burnt out#my bestest friend is percy and we get so so so low when we are apart#i feel like all my classmates hate me???#or just generally unlike me??#i also dont push myself to hang with them after class. its mostly bc im 23 with own place. bills. cats#i also have a job where i work to live.#i feel.like im constantly fucking up#and then theres just the timing/money when everyone goes out and i work every fucking weekend at 6am#i really dont wanna go to class tomorrow#u ever realize HOW lonely you actually are?#family isnt close due to divorce. childhood trauma on the res. no communication amongst cousins.#dont know how to talk to people#i constantly feel like im fucking up every conversation#it still happens when i try and talk about something. anything. and im immediately ignored or the topic instantly changes#im not even the oldest or youngest in class but i feel so out of place??#everyone is either approaching 30 or fresh out of high-school/covid so like 18-20#no one is really that middle age that im in rn???#i dunno im getting really sad about school bc i thought i was making friends but now im not included in conversations 🙃#i dont know what i need
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My psych says I don’t like my mom or my ex because they make me vulnerable but I think it’s because they are/were both serial boundary violators. Well serial boundary violators sounds serious but I mean they are just good kind people who would not leave me alone when i ask(ed)
#i mean so am i so i dont exactly blame them but like. my mom doesnt knock used to hold me down and epilate my body doesnt take no for an#answer ever on anything unless youre MEAN to her and i dont mean anything serious i mean she asked me to go to the store with her to pick#out paint for her walls i said no she asked again i said no she asked again i said no so she went on her own and facetimed me so id help her#pick. my ex had a similar thing where if i was like hey lets not talk tomorrow im burnt out hed be like okay and then the next day early#morning he’d send a good morning text and then several more throughout the day and then we’d call at the end of the night#people do who not let you fucking breathe. i hate it. if i saw my mom less often id probably like her but her so much as sitting next to me#on the couch will have me tense and pissed. she also takes glee in hating things i like and its not a conscious or serious thing but its#really weird. ive done the same for her since i was little i dont know who did it first. like ok we’re moving our new place had wallpaper in#my room i wanted to keep it she wanted to remove it she agreed to keep it and then made plans to remove it bc she was going to get rid of it#at some point later on anyway for the house’s value or something. they removed it recently and she showed me a vid of the place and when she#gets to my room shes like hehehe its goneee like girl what the fuck is going on with you. she wouldnt let me change the decoration of my#room as a child it had to be the way she liked it. even my body had to be the way she liked it dude the epilation thing shed laugh as i#cried (in a shirt and underwear man) bc i was finally hairless. my ex was nowhere near that bad but again ZERO breathing room and whenever#id try to take some hed be like ‘’i just worry that if you take this space you’ll come back and break up with me’’ uh. yeah with that#attitude the breakup’s coming either way. he’s a good guy though just 24 and a man (both sad afflictions) he’ll shape up. or not. idk im no#t invested#he did listen to a lot of what i said just not the basic things of ‘’leave me the fuck alone sometimes’m#im annoyed that my therapist framed this as a me issue but shes right when it comes to me having trouble w vulnerability and i should just#clarify my pov here so she can change her assessment#my ex leaves me alone now. he does a great job at it i thiiink hes moved on which im happy about#i dont know if id ever want to be friends again though idk if either of us can do that#i cant. rn#i understand why he wanted so much from me though. i get it
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old oc of the day: nightriver the nightwing/seawing hybrid (wof)
oc status: inactive
oc creation date: unknown. creator was roughly 9 years old at time of designing
big design changes over the years: the original nightriver drawing was much more nightwing-like than the drawings to come. in later drawings her seawing was far more visible than her nightwing. she had a zigzag scar on her left cheek that started small and smooth in the first few drawings, but became much larger and more jagged in later redesigns. it ended up reaching from just below her eye to her mouth. creator once attempted to rehaul her and rename her seastorm, but the name didnt stick and she has simply been placed onto the "old but beloved ocs" shelf.
special abilities: none, i think. i dont remember giving her future sight or mind reading. definitely not an animus either
#felt like talking abt her#the thing is#even if i wanted to bring her back into activity i really wouldnt have anything to /do/ with her??#cuz im not big into wof anymore#its a good series but i was so obsessed with it for years that im burnt out on the world a bit#and i just have no interest in furthering her story#captains orders
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.
#feeling so overwhelmed and burnt out right now its literally not even funny#im behind in all my classes bc i dont have enough energy or time to do my work#my moms birthday is tomorrow but bc im so overwhelmed i havent been able to get or make her anything#like i dont even have a fucking card for her#i just feel fucking awful and like a failure#eddie.txt#i make no sense ignore me
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what does it mean when i feel like each minute passes excruciatingly slowly even when i invest my full attention into something for what feels like a long time
#cro zone#like i will zone out and have what feels like 20 minutes worth of thoughts and then i zone back in and 3 minutes have passed#or like the space between each second is so vast even though im not actively counting them#is it just my brain firing more rapidly than it needs to thus simultaneously over- and under-stimulating itself?#making me feel exhausted and burnt out despite not having done anything???#i hatethis ik its caused by something between my autism and cptsd but like .what do i do about it. besides drugs#plixiphobia is crazy i would literally rather take pills off the sidewalk than spend an hour not doing anything#meanwhile my brain is like 'any moment could be your last so each moment is going to be approximately 3.5 hours'
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