#and its not like i can avoid it. avoiding these responsibilities would have real consequences and sometimes not even the fear of that is

[clambuoyance]

this may be silly but i really really miss the feeling of being able to draw whatever i wanted without any stress at all T^T i spend hours thinking about what i want to draw and then i get stressed because it shouldn't be my focus and then i end up doing neither what i should be doing (school, work, being a functional member of civilization) or want to be doing (hunched over my drawing tablet scribbling my faves) and it sucks so bad </3

[isaacathom]

i have so many thoughts about my campaign but absolutely nothing coherent. just snatches of ideas. the most clear thing i have in my head is that, if the acting-commodore steps down once he has liberty, and in the ensuing election and hullabaloo, naielle becomes commodore, there is absolutely no way she comes back from the jade sea

naielle understands how she gets when shes stressed, when theres crisis. theres a point along this bell curve of emotion, pursuant to context, where she stops thinking about herself and only those around her. and once that threshold is passed, she'll do damn near anything for them.

as commodore, her station would necessitate being that much more aware of the crisis. that much more aware of the state of play. that much more aware of the myriad lives that she holds in her hands.

she would cross that threshold far sooner.

she knows this about herself, and it applies outside of formal responsibility. she knows this, and does not know how to change it, and so instead she removes options from herself. like changing the phone's password just before wisdom teeth removal to prevent from saying something nonsensical online, she has to put the weapon away before she becomes of a mind to use it.

she's failed at that before. she told herself the weapon she had would be safe in her hands, that she'd use it only for 'good', and not ill. and in short order she had used it to enthrall, to even temporarily rob a man of free will.

she has such a weapon now. two, even, if you like.

the first, and least likely to kill her outright, is a caged king of dragons, whose essence is hostile to mortality but whose personality is not, who sees the crew as a means to liberate himself, his breathren, and their domain. she uses his power sparingly for its risk, but she's come close before, and been lucky not to be overwhelmed. there is far more power she could gain from him, but it would tear at her from the inside, like a hollowing parasite. she's seen a dragon's power wrought on a mortal, and seen that he marks a man decades older than he ought be. She may be an elf, but even decades would see her predecease a great many people, and that assumes it does not do her worse. She doesn't know.

the second is the offer, if it can be called that, of her patron. reach for the stars, young elf, and find the divine. channel his power in the storm to banish the dark, and in so doing lose yourself. merge with the celestial. its death, she thinks when out of crisis. sure, theres a lingering of the soul, bound in the eternal starlight of the astral sea. but the form is gone, and much of the person. to merge with him would change her, and she would never see her loved ones again.

but his power could save them all.

a naielle who is mere captain, whose responsibilites are smaller, who is delegated specific tasks, has the capacity to decide to be selfish. she has the capacity, and the excuse perhaps, to decide that she refuses godhood. she can risk success for her own soul, if she likes. she may yet do so.

a naielle who is commodore, and for whom's patron remains in earshot, will take that weapon and point it at their ultimate foe, and consider one life worth thousands.

[darkcircles4lyfe]

it's a story about hands (reprise)

Yeah, okay, today's the day.

I gave my blog that title for a reason, you know, and it has loomed over me for years because the hand motif is absolutely everywhere and you could go on about it forever.

Maybe that's something I'll never actually attempt to do, but this chapter, we reached a breaking point.

Before I continue, I need to give a big, big disclaimer: I do not have a physical disability, so I'm not able to speak about that from the standpoint of representation as a first-hand perspective. I have at least listened to enough disabled people to know that fictional characters who become amputees only to miraculously gain their limbs back is, um, a trope. Disabled people in general being "healed" is a conception we would really prefer to avoid here. Not to call people out, but I don't think we're giving enough space to acknowledge that.

I don’t feel comfortable making the judgement call about what should happen. I’m leaving that open. I also don't want to downplay people's emotional reactions. Honestly, I don't know if I can accurately define the line between acknowledging real pain vs. ableist pity. But I’d like to talk about the possibilities of what could happen. Other characters have definitely gotten permanent disabilities as a result of their hero work, or even just the side effects of their quirk. But, for better or worse, I don't think this case is really about representation. Not that Horikoshi won't do that justice. He might. What I'm saying is that's not his purpose for having Izuku lose his arms. It's meant to be symbolic, so we can explore what it means. The other thing I’m keeping in mind here is that Horikoshi is notorious for playing with our expectations, like, alllllll the time. I mean, just take a few chapters ago for a classic example. Eri appeared at the end, and we all assumed she was about to take some sort of action to save someone with her quirk. Then, immediately following, we were given an explanation for why that wouldn’t be happening. And now it’s clear he wanted to do that “fake out” not just as a silly cliffhanger prank, but specifically so we would know not to suspect that Eri could be the miraculous solution to Izuku’s loss of his arms. Rest assured, there is no easy way out of this.

The expectation at play in this particular instance is an old one. It’s very understated, but its subtext has burned so brightly, you’d be a fool not to notice it. It sits with anticipation like one half of a call and response. Man, I was so certain. Lots of people still are. I was really looking forward to printing the panel where it happened onto a t shirt and wearing it proudly. All the hand motifs in this story radiate thematically from a single moment, the one that started it all for Izuku.

It raises all kinds of questions about the act of saving, who needs saving, why, what does it mean, what are the dynamics of power, politics, honesty, exploitation, compassion, pity, disdain, sacrifice. Katsuki has dealt with many of these since he first rejected Izuku’s hand. While Izuku was the one who was convinced Katsuki would keep on rejecting him…

…Katsuki was the one who kept that moment in his mind all these years and eventually came to regret it.

Katsuki is the one yearning for that hand-hold, the one who has imbued it with so much more weight than it ever originally had. Izuku, in contrast, does not allow himself to dwell on what he wants. To illustrate this difference, we need to look at another piece of foreshadowing:

Ugh, do y'all remember when lots of folks were complaining about how there never seemed to be actual consequences for Izuku's destructive treatment of his own body? I don't blame them, I was concerned and confused about it too. There were several "fixes" along the way. Recovery Girl healed him, but left a physical reminder. Then he started training to fight with his legs… sometimes. Then he got support items. All of these were unsatisfying non-conclusions because they didn't present Izuku with a lasting enough impression to change in a meaningful way. They didn't address his core, his origin.

Of course, that all changed this chapter. Now it looks like our frustration was inflicted intentionally. With the current context in mind, all of these moments look more sinister, like this day was always gonna come because they kept putting bandaids on a deep emotional and psychological wound. The problem is pretty much spelled out for us here:

As Katsuki put it, he just doesn’t take himself into account, ya know? He doesn’t care what happens to him. And he lies about it, to keep others from worrying, to keep them safe. To keep them from returning the favor and putting themselves in harm’s way for his sake. His motivations are noble,

…but what about the little boy inside Izuku? Who saves him?

This is all about Izuku giving himself up to the point that he literally has no more to give. The thing is, I bet he saw this coming. He knew his limits and decided to keep going anyway, because his personal safety and wellbeing are not important. Now that way of thinking has come back to bite him because the fight isn’t over yet, and he’s already made his sacrifice. So now we know who will be more distraught over this. Not Izuku—Katsuki.

It’s not about Izuku becoming disabled, it’s about how Katsuki wanted to use the intertwining of their fingers to communicate that he would never let go. Never stop valuing him most. Never let himself make the mistake of rejecting him again. Never let Izuku be so reckless with his life. To say: “we are in this together.”…if only Katsuki believed he deserved to be able to say such things. To reach out his hand would have been the ultimate way to simply imply them and let Izuku be the one to decide. Then, to feel their hands clasped together would be more than either of them dared hope for, but so beautiful, so right. A moment they’ve waited their whole lives for.

Yeah. That’s what we were expecting. We’ve been so comfortable. Horikoshi gave us all the signs. He tempted and teased us over and over. BUT. You know he does this thing were he gives us a desirable, completely plausible and simple thing to look forward to, and then he snatches it away. And THEN he replaces it with something much better, something we were not expecting at all because it seemed too good to be true. That’s exactly what happened when Himiko snatched Izuku away, and we were robbed of the chance to see him and Katsuki fight together. In hindsight, though, I’m glad things went a different way because now there’s so much more depth and angst on display. Likewise, in the present moment, we may consider how, as one door closes, another opens.

As wonderfully meaningful as the hand-hold would have been, perhaps it is still too simple a resolution for Izuku, for his and Katsuki’s relationship. Tbh, it could have been done like 100 chapter ago. At this point, there’s so much more potential. There are a couple of ways it could go. If Izuku stays armless, Katsuki will be forced to use other methods to get his point across. He’ll have to do something else, or say what he means, or both. Yes, I’m talking about what you think I’m talking about. If I say it, I just might jinx it (lol), but I mean it. I’m being serious. Either way, if Izuku did get his arms back in the end, I’m sure that it wouldn’t be an easy fix. It would be hard-won against Izuku’s self-destructive mindset, and/or by Katsuki’s conviction. Again, I say this knowing it is not meant so much as a representation of disability, but as a representation of Izuku’s greatest character flaw taken to the extreme. I know this might sound harsh, like, hasn’t he been through enough? I get that, but… I’ve said it before and I say it again: Izuku is stubborn as hell.

I wish I had a resounding final note to end this on, but I kinda don’t. I’m not sure what’s best. Now we just have to wait and see what Horikoshi has in mind.

[fateunwritten-if]

GENRES: Fantasy, Romance

CONTENT WARNING: Blood, Violence, Swearing, Some suggestive content (never really gets explicit).

You know something isn't right.

Yet here you are walking straight into the unknown. You should have listened to them you could've avoided this. Your already married to a prince and now the same people you grew up with seem different as it its a different reality. But even if you decided to listen now it would be too late.

Your fate is unwritten don't try to write it.

DEMO

☆ Customizable MC: choose your name, nickname, appearance, gender, and pronouns.

☆ Romance: 4 males, 2 female (so far its not in stone), and 1 possible poly route.

☆ If you don't want romance, you could just make friends with everyone, or the opposite.

☆ Your not the only one here.

☆ The choices you make may have consequences later.

☆ Will you find the truth?

Queen Hera

"You are a royal now. Take responsibility."

Head of the family, your family, and the Queen of Florin. She oversees the well-being of the kingdom and its Civilians. A close Friend of Idris, the General.

She is a caring and kind person. Although he is more strict and harsh with her family including you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

General Idris (RO)

"I never said it would be easy."

The General of Florins army. Sarcastic, coy, and a natural leader. He always gives his very absolute best. He's extremely loyal to the royal family.

They value loyalty above anything and everything else and will stand beside you whenever you need them; as friends or possibly more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Astoria (RO)

"I hope you know that I will never let you get hurt."

Apart of the Royal Guard. Almost always with a smile and a happy personality. She's usually training the newer guards but whenever she has free time she loves to just talk with you.

She's a just a kind person but she can crack when certain things happen especially when it happens to someone she cares about.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prince Ivan (RO)

"People like me aren't supposed to have someone like you, I think fate was being a bit harsh on you."

Your husband and friend. He may look harsh, but really, he's easygoing and always finds time to crack jokes to make the best of your arranged marriage. He likes to train in his free time when hes not stuck in his royal duties.

He's loyal and holds honesty as a priority but he still holds secrets from you only because he doesn't scare you away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shadow (RO)

"Not listening to me won't get you anywhere"

The Whispers and the one who guides you in your mind. He is the reason you're still alive. His real name is 【ｃｅｎｓｏｒｅｄ】.

He's 【ｃｅｎｓｏｒｅｄ】 and 【ｃｅｎｓｏｒｅｄ】

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flora (RO)

"I know how this will end."

She is the chill best friend. She's your sunshine protector of you,the sunshine. And she might become your shelter in the storm.

She mostly hangs out at the park or library just to relax and enjoy the atmosphere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prince Emir (RO)

"I think you are going to end up getting hurt."

He's the younger prince. He has quite a slight contrast to his older brother. While even though he is not very expressive, he's a very good listener.

You can find him in the palace courtyard and library.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ASK WELCOME

[bengiyo]

The Trainee Ep 4 Stray Thoughts

Last week, Ryan woke up late and had to scramble to make it to the set, and added extra stress by accidentally taking the store's phone instead of his. On set, Jane tasked him with supervising the extras so they would remain on standby, leading to a lesson in ignoring age politics to do his job well. Pie did well executing the shots for Unit B, but kept looking for more to do because she felt all of their tasks were beneath her. Pah did well with his tasks, and helped teach Pie a few things. Ba-Mhee did poorly, and needed a stern lesson in the role account managers play in keeping a set functional. After Pie accidentally let an extra go home early, Ryan noticed a way to replace her, and Jane ate crow for Pie when the client was pissed about the overages. Ryan returned home after checking in with Jane to help his sister with the extra work from the phone issues. Ryan also tried to reach out gently to Pie, who felt really bad about causing problems.

I was happy to see Ryan interact with his dad, but now I'm nervous about Ryan bringing oil to work.

EP 4: Backup Files

I love when a show remembers its own drama. Ryan is sore from his first day required to work on his feet for extended hours, and Pie is still embarrassed about her mistake. She kept throwing Ryan under the bus before. Curious how she'll manage her fear of Jane.

Pah, please don't fuck up the invoices...

I'm glad Jane is getting used to Ryan's nonverbal tendencies.

Oh no, Jane can smell the oil.

Ba-Mhee should not have followed Tae to the same company. He's clearly trying to complete a task right now, and this drive is going to break.

This is classic intern behavior. You're afraid to admit you made a mistake, and now you're scrambling to try to make up for it. It's also something they do because they're bored. Pah is rushing off on a plan to fix something he didn't break because he's clearly avoiding the invoices.

The comedy of this whole plan execution is really quite stellar. They're hitting these comedic beats perfectly.

They're also cutting in the tension of being discovered really well, too. This is a lot of fun. I like that simple office nonsense is where we went after the high stress of a film set. In the grand scheme of things, the footage is probably already on additional backup drives. All this is unnecessary, and I'm hoping for a meaningful resolution.

Ew, this guy is gross. Both women and his coworkers have told him to stop and he keeps going. Disgusting. I'm glad they showed them scolding him further after the ladies left to change.

Pie is nervous about this meeting, but I'm sure it's about her actual work on Unit B.

I do love this moment between Pie and Ba-Mhee. It would suck if Ba-Mhee was only defined by her relationship with Tae.

Ah, there's our romantic moment of the week.

Of course Tae has helmet now.

Tae from another multiverse. Not a Vice Versa reference.

I love when a show and I are on the same page. Baimon asked generally about the day to see where Pie was about it, and she immediately unloaded about how she screwed up. They used it as a teachable moment about relying on your team, and revealed that they did see her talents, and that she did real work that mattered as a test for even more responsibility with a specific timeline. This hits especially hard because we had that scene with that gross man earlier, because we have two men she reports to validating her efforts.

It's actually refreshing to see a GMMTV workplace show where they understand the minutiae of the work itself. Their interns are making small mistakes that interns make that have manageable consequences for their organization, which allows for the appropriate scolding. Tae screwed up when he didn't report the broken drive, and Pah screwed up by bailing on his own responsibilities. Worse, Tae could have leaked client information. Reminding the interns that they have superiors for a reason, and the purpose of their internships, is going quite well here.

Aww, Pie is hugging Ryan.

Of course Jane was the one who insisted Pie be given another chance. He recognized how she had already beaten herself up about her mistake, and so there was no need to pile on. He focused on correcting the presumptions she had about working on a team as they move forward.

Well well well, the oil led to a cute moment instead. A win.

An excellent preview: they assured me we'd be dealing with the invoice paperwork next week, and that Ryan will still be dealing with Jane's curt nature.

We've been led down a lot in the back half of GMMTV shows lately, so I really hope this one holds together. The drama in this show is so well-balanced for the setting. I also am really enjoying the pacing. Last week was quite frenetic to match the energy of a film set, but this week was a bit slower as we dealt with post production issues. I've really enjoyed following the projects they've been working on, and am excited about the beginning of a new one next week. It's also really cool that the projects we've seen are rather small: first an ad, and now a music video. That feels like the right work for a production company that's trying to keep revenue streams going. A big show gets a lot of views, but you're hoping other producers want to hire your company for their projects too. This has been an awesome watch experience.

[toons-and-doom]

(This the response for @asilikesshit I accidentally deleted the ask- I think it was along the lines of like, a hypothetical real dandy world episode but it’s corrupted due to being in a tape for awhile, dandy’s world being lost media, and like- dandy transforming for the first time? )

Imagine if the episode starts out normal but as time progresses the episode gets weirder and weirder until it’s nearly unrecognizable (hehehe parallels to twisted go brrrrr)

Tbh I wanna eventually get around to exploring dandy’s world through a lost media thing. After gardenview closes, all the episodes are pulled off the air and all merch is discontinued. Since this is the early 2000s it’s not recorded well and now in the modern day very few peices of media exist including the toons-

Now Onto dandy

Cw for body horror, emetophobia, gore of the skin variety, and potentially bad writing I felt a lil snazzy and did this all in one day. Its also kinda rambley and there is NO planning plus im tired af

TLDR; It wasn’t fun to say the least. It was a little gross to

No 2nd reading or beta read either we die like the toon handlers probably did

Sorry if this is ooc, and dandy is fucked up when twisted in cannon when I finally design him I’m gonna try and make him make sense so he doesn’t right here

Anyways thank you to my pals on discord for giving me ideas

Now I can finally sleep

Enjoy :3

The first time it happened it hurt. It hurt like hell.

Dandy should have paid attention to how that off feeling had been building up the last few days. Maybe he should haven’t gotten so worked up about this whole ichor operation- Astro was gonna be quiet and none of the others knew. Not that he could help it. If he were to be caught the consequences would have been heavy- perhaps he would have gotten rewritten and redrawn entirely.

Maybe he should have been more cautious and not gotten some ichor onto himself.

Maybe he shouldn’t have then proceeded to continue on with his experiments with said ichor.

One second, dandy had been going back to his resting quarters, taking the long as to avoid any employees which still remain. The next, he’s suddenly doubled over on the floor, his hands having barely caught himself. He shivered. It was like he had been dunked in cold water, a feeling which only intensified as he inhaled shakily.

Dandy tried to will himself to get up, yet his limbs felt painfully stiff, uncoordinated. He gave up getting up when his hands nearly gave out and he’s almost sent face first into the floor. He initially wonders if he had come down with something, but something this intense doesn’t come on this suddenly.. unless-?

Something is pushing its way out up Dandy’s throat. It somehow both burns and freezes his insides. Now dandy’s wondering if it’s something he ate- food poisoning maybe? no, it can’t be that, the only thing he ate today was a cupcake sprout made. Sprout usually made edible food.

Dandy gagged as whatever his body was rejecting oh so violently finally began to choke him. His hands gave out, leaving himself only propped up by his elbows as he heaved. When that something finally did come out, thankfully it seemed to come out all at once. Something about it felt fundamentally wrong but dandy couldn’t exactly tell what- his body gasping for breath. Once dandy could begin to focus again would he begin to dare at whatever caused such a reaction and-

Oh.

Oh.

That wasn’t bile. Or food.

That was ichor.

He knew his little hobby was eventually going to catch up to him- but not this soon.

Dandy mustered the strength to pull himself away from the ichor, now he lied on his back. He knew far too well what pure ichor did to somebody. Just a little bit of it killed humans. It needed to be diluted to be safe for them. While toons like himself could get closer than a human ever could, it wasn’t a good idea.

Strange enough, the cold sensation is beginning to fade, but it’s rapidly being replaced by burning instead. Perhaps ichor brought fever along with it-?

Dandy is brought back to reality as his tongue brushed up against something sharp. A shakey hand comes up to his mouth, and he feels his teeth. In a second he withdrew his hand, a small cut leaking ichor onto the mitten like appendage.

Oh god.

What is he supposed to do-? He’s heard of toons who explode when exposed to pure ichor- is this a symptom you experience before exploding-?!

Think dandy- you can’t die right now- think!

Water. He needs to get water. Dilute the ichor inside him. Yeah. There’s gotta be a sink nearby- maybe if he’s sneaky he can pretend none of this happened!

With newfound determination, dandy pushed himself up onto his feet. Doing such a thing was near impossible considering how uncoordinated he is- and he had to hold onto the wall to stabilize himself. He looks to his right. The door wasn’t that far- he just needed to find water-

So he took a step.

And another

And another

Each step felt like he was walking on hot coals, and dandy couldn’t help but notice how difficult it was getting to remain upright. With each step the wall became more and more of a godsend. He couldn’t help but whine, he’s not used to this kind of pain at all. He tries to power through it as best he can, even as he notices how he seemed almost taller.

He could not ponder this, one misplaced step has sent him back to the ground. He was only barely able to shield his face from impact. He tried to get up once more, less out of determination and more out of a desperate attempt to survive. His legs simply did not cooperate with him, limp but not numb.

Dandy would have opted to crawl, but a morbid curiosity overtakes him. He turns his head, and he nearly wants to throw up.

He doesn’t think his feet are supposed to bend like that. He doesn’t think they are supposed to be that long either. His ankle isn’t supposed to be that high, nor his arch that long. While toons are naturally stretchy, dandy could feel his skin beginning to give way to the sudden growth, unable to adapt at such a rapid pace. He could begin to see a black coating underneath. He doesn’t think muscles look like that either.

The shape vaguely reminds him of a animal’s leg,

Dandy quickly turns his head around. Change in plans- he needs to find an employee. To hell with his plan of secrecy- he’d rather have at least a chance at living! He screams out for help, for anyone really, his handler, one of the employees, he’d even take up his chances with a janitor at this point.

His voice echos across the halls, and he doubts anyone hears him.

So now he crawls towards the door, though it is less crawling and more so just dragging his body against the cold tile floor. He could downright feel the skin throw thinner and thinner.

Snap!

Something slid off his foot.

Dandy already knew what it was. He was already shrieking- hands grasping onto his petals for any semblance of comfort. His hands could only remain on the petals for so long before even that became painful.

Focus. He needed to get help-

Thus, he dragged himself forward like a wounded animal escaping an inevitable fate. The door was so close now- he just needs muster the willpower to get up and reach-

It was only now dandy is beginning to realize the sorry state of his hands. His thumbs were slowly being shriveled up to the point of being absolutely useless. He could feel something lurking just under the flesh of his hands- not like the ichor which coats his body under his skin. It does not stretch his skin until it snaps, rather, it slices through the skin rather effortlessly- a much more merciful agony but still agony nonetheless.

…

Dandy now has three sharp digits on each hand, slowly twitching as he holds one hand up to his face. Each digit represents a color of the rainbow, like his petals…

Maybe dandy would have found it cute if he didn’t feel like he was dying.

… at least now that’s the worst of his problems. The pain from his feel was beginning to subside, and he could tolerate the horrors his hands are undergoing, he might be fine if he can just-

…

it’s like he’s getting too large for his skin. All at once, it’s like he’s tripled in size. The strain is far too much to bear- and dandy is completely lost in the agony and haze beginning to engulf him.

Bones shatter. Skin tears like ribbons

Dandy’s very likeness, torn to shreds, a monster left in its place.

He wants to wake up. He wants to hug pebbles tightly right now. He wants to see the others- he wants to see Astro-

But no. This is his punishment by some sick god.

By the time it is over, dandy does not have the strength to continue, and collapses.

…

The monster comes to, and it quickly gets on its feet. The fluorescents above it hurt its red eyes, and it squints. It appears to be in a hallway of some sort. How it got there does not matter to it.

Not much matters to it. Besides a simple instruction; kill those not like it.

And thank god it can hear someone coming.

~~~

He’s okay guys he’ll learn how to change himself back and learn how to be conscious during the whole thing.

Now I can finally rest

[stonecrusherdrawsthearts]

World of Heroes R - Spider Squad

Who are the Spiders of New York? MENACES, that's who! Vigilantes with no official backing, who have taken it upon themselves to act as the 'protectors' of this city, but lack the real means to handle the crimes here. They focus on some maniacs with animal costumes tackier then even their own, and don't do anything to mitigate the damage left behind from their fights. I thought it was bad when there was just one of these freaks of nature here, but now there are three of them! Who knows when they'll strike next?! Whenever that is, you can bet the Daily Bugle will be the first to call them out on it!

MEMBERS

Spider-Man - the most infamous vigilante menace in this here fine city. Sure, his rabid fans will say he's "their favorite hero" who "never gives up" and "will always stand up for the right thing, even when its hard." And he sometime pays lip service to the idea of "Great Power coming with Great Responsibility." But if he wanted accountability, he'd register with the Avengers or Justice League or, hell, even the X-Men. But NO! He's a rogue, and that makes him just as dangerous as the 'villains' he fights!

Venom - For a month, Spider-Man tried out an edgier color palate maybe to avoid some real consequences for a shuttle incident, only to change back later. Then this guy showed up with the exact style, calling himself New York's new Lethal Protector! And wouldn't you know it, he's taking the Spider-Man motif and applying the Batman method of striking fear into the common man. Hell, some people claim he's actually a host to an alien symbiote, but I personally think that mouth is just... I dunno, makeup effects.

Web Ghost - The third webslinger to show up randomly in New York, and she's surprisingly even more active then Spider-Man herself. I don't know if she's just that dedicated to being a menace, or if she's trying to prove something. Hell, some people theorizes she's the reanimated corpse of the one person Spider-Man's confirmed to have killed "on accident," Gwen Stacy. I don't think this is true, but I can't help but wonder what it says to the world if it was. Like, the girl died at Spider-Man's hands and now she's swinging around the city like he does. Would he feel even a hint of regret? ...Ah, who am I kidding, she's just another girl with spider-powers, none of that death stuff.

NOT MEMBERS

J. Jonah Jameson - Former Top Reporter and Now Editor of the Daily Bugle, the best damn newspaper in the city of New York. People come to me for the truth, and I give it to them. You want my opinion on rich billionaires like Lex Luthor going into politics? They should have to give up literally every cent over 5 million as taxes, that way they actually contribute to society. You want my opinion on the Avengers? Reliable defenses against unwanted alien invasions, and so humble about it, too. Metahuman rights? That's something I support, and I hope Professor Xavier helps everyone. And Spider-Man... a goddamn menace playing hero in my city. This guy wants to help the greater good? Then show who you really are behind that stupid mask. Secret Identities are just a coward's way of avoiding accountability... unless we're talking the internet.

Mary Jane Watson - Some theater kid who works near the Bugle, I don't know. She's better behind the scenes then out front... look, what do you want me to tell you? I know nothing about her! Do you... look, just get out of here already.

[elsiebrayisgay]

the thing about having a semi-viral star trek meme post is that i get to see in real time the fandom's severe lack of reading comprehension. people are actually in the notes of my captains-giving-life-advice meme going "janeway would never say murder is okay" besties the screenshot in that meme is from a scene of her delivering a cheesy pun about how she's gonna scour some hostile aliens out of the delta quadrant and cycling the action of a phaser rifle for comedic effect. pay attention.

like there are people who point out that sisko has also engaged in violence, and used deadly force, but with sisko it is usually a story about coming to terms with a terrible choice wherein your values and morals compel you to act in a situation where the only intervention also contravenes those values and morals to some extent (past tense, in the pale moonlight, etc.) captain janeway does some of this sometimes (tuvix) but in her case it also often involves her maternal role: she takes responsibility because she feels it is her duty to shield others from the consequences of her choice to strand the ship, and more broadly, as their captain she is responsible for the consequences that befall the crew.

however, i want to point out that when violence is necessary (and, to be fair, janeway does put a lot of effort into avoiding it when she can, she holds fast to a lot of starfleet ideals) she takes a joyous approach. when she must use force, she often delights in its delivery. again, the images of the captains in that meme are, except for her, doing their Signature Thing™ but janeway is delivering a pun about how she's about to kill some motherfuckers. and there are many such cases. nobody is murder is okay like janeway is murder is okay

[animebw]

So the live action One Piece is really, really good.

I know, far from the first person to say it. But it really must be stressed how absolutely bonkers it is that One Piece, of all anime properties, is what breaks the live-action adaptation curse in the West. So many attempts at adapting far more live-action friendly stories like Death Note and Cowboy Bebop ended up complete disasters, and yet it's perhaps the most unabashedly cartoonish anime franchise, the one defined by how it takes advantage of drawing and animation to portray people, places and things that would be completely unfeasable in the real world, that shows how to translate this medium to live action without losing what makes it special in the first place. It's not a perfect adaptation, but it pretty much nails everything it needs to, capturing the heart of this story in all its most important moments and making smart changes that serve its new form as a binge-worthy Netflix drop. So let's talk about the things I liked, the few areas I think it fell short, and how I think future seasons should play out! Spoilers, obviously.

The Good:

-The most important thing to get right was the casting, and they nailed it: all the Straw Hats and their supporting cast are just about perfect. Inaki Godoy just is Luffy, Emily Rudd does a fantastic job shouldering the season's core emotional weight as Nami, Vincent Regan steals the show every time Garp is on screen, and Jeff Ward is an absolute riot as Buggy. Special shout-out as well to Morgan Davies for nailing Koby's expanded screen time.

-Speaking of, I love how Koby and Helmeppo's title-card story is fleshed out into a proper B-plot throughout this season. Following their journey under Garp's command is a perfect way to introduce us to the Navy's inner workings and the more explicitly political side of the story up front, as well as foreshadowing plenty of future story beats to come.

-The action. Is. So. Good. Thank god we're finally remembering how to film proper hand-to-hand brawls, cause every punch-up is a blast to watch.

-Luffy actually has more of an arc here than he does in the manga! Manga Luffy can be a pretty static character a lot of the time, which I know is kind of his appeal, but this adaptation gives him a bit more to work with as he grapples with the responsibility of being a captain and the consequences his mistakes can have for his crew.

-Seriously Buggy is so fucking funny they nailed him so perfectly

-Putting more of a focus on Nami's struggles throughout the season was a great way to give it more structure for a binge format. Her emotional journey is really the heart of this adaptation as we watch her go from a paraniod recluse to fully embracing the Straw Hats as her new family.

-One benefit to being live action and produced in America? Way, way less casual sexism. Dare I hope that future seasons will avoid ruining Sanji's character among other pitfalls Oda fell into? Fingers crossed!

-The production design is immaculate. It strikes the perfect balance between the wacky cartoonishness of One Piece's world and the demands of filming in live action.

-Fantastic soundtrack too! It knows just where to deploy instrumental renditions of We Are while charting its own musical identity.

The Bad

-Some of the dialogue is a liiiiiiittle cringey? I know dialogue has never been OP's strongest suit, but there are definitely a few moments that feel overly anachronistic and "how do you do fellow kids?" There's a moment Buggy jokes about toxic fandom that really made me roll my eyes (especially since the OP fandom has by and large really embraced this adaptation, so it comes off like a cheap shot at a demographic of haters that doesn't even really exist).

-While the camerawork and editing are pretty great, the color grading is very much... not. Can we please stop shooting everything in boring desaturated yellows and greys and start lighting our night scenes so we can actually see what's going on?

-Shockingly, it's the strongest parts from the manga- the backstories- that I feel suffered the most here. Some of that's due to most of the child actors not being that great, which, well, that's a risk you take with child actors. But it also cuts out a lot of the personal culpability that made a lot of those backstories so compelling? Like how Sanji used to be pretty wasteful with food until his experience stranded on an island taught him how important it was to respect every bite? That aspect of his character is completely missing in his flashback here.

-Hoo boy, they made some... choices with how they depicted Arlong's crew. I know the Fishmen are a big racism/discrimination metaphor, but between the trap music that plays whenever they show up, their overall "urban gangsta" fashion aesthetic and the design of Arlong Park, the fact Arlong himself is played by a black actor... there is some coding going on here, is my point. And considering how much I hated the direction this story arc went in Fishman Island, that does not give me confidence in this adaptation's ability to escape sucking just as much on that front.

Future Season Wish List:

Season 2: The Alabasta saga, starting with the arrival at Roguetown and ending with Vivi's send-off

Season 3: The Water Seven saga, maybe with a brief stop in Skypiea beforehand but not long enough to get bogged down in there like the manga did

Season 4: Possibly controversial, but I think this should take us to the timeskip. Spend an episode or two in Thriller Bark but cut out all the bullshit, one episode in Sabaody for the Shit Gets Real(tm) section, one episode in Amazon Lily, then onto Impel Down and the Marineford showdown, with one episode dedicated to the fallout of that battle and getting us to the timeskip.

Season 5: Big focus here should be Dressrosa IMO. If you must spend some time in Fishman Island then do it, probably don't need that much time in Punk Hazard since barely anything happens there, then get into the thick of Dressrosa.

Season 6: This should be the Wano season. One episode in Zou, maybe a couple in Whole Cake Island to set up Big Mom, (honestly we might not even need the extra Sanji backstory if this adaptation gets rid of his worst traits), then get straight into Wano so you have all the time you need for all those moving parts. Also, Gear 5 Luffy in live-action should just be him turning into his anime self Roger Rabbit style. Tell me that wouldn't rule.

[sapphire-weapon]

me in the shower, just tryna shave my legs and have a normal night: you know, I'm really proud of that Leon and Ada boat scene meta post that I made earlier today. the biggest problem with Ada's character has always been that, outside of RE2, we never get a peek into her actual emotions at any point. she just seems to be a Sexy Spy Robot going on autopilot. but this is like, layered and nuanced and shit. it's interesting. my brain: hey me: ... uh oh my brain: you know what's really interesting about Leon and Ada's dynamic in the Remake series? me: ... oh god what is it just say it because this razor is very sharp and I have no wiggle room for bullshit. my brain: in OG, Leon always came off as naive and even a little bit childish due to his attachment to Ada. Remake is flipping that on its head. this time around, Leon is the mature adult in the room, and Ada is the one with a naive, almost childish worldview. me: ... what, you mean the whole "Leon is more comfortable with silence than Ada is" thing? I already did that part. my brain: bitch would I have piped the fuck up if that was it my brain: no, I mean the fact that people -- even you up to this point, dumbass -- have been misinterpreting the genesis of her redemption arc. it isn't that Ada discovers that she has a moral line in the sand that she won't cross. it's not like she reunites with Leon and, out of nowhere, has the epiphany "maybe killing people is bad, actually." me: ... go on... my brain: it's that she reunites with Leon and sees what he's become and feels incredible guilt over it -- and that's probably the very first time in actual literal years she's felt guilt over anything. me: ... so she... wants to avoid feeling guilty again...? is that what you're saying? my brain: yes, and the reason it's been so long since she's felt guilty about anything is because she doesn't ever ask why. she has no real sense of object permanence when it comes to what she's doing and who she's doing it for. she does her job and she shuts up and moves on to the next. it's an almost child-like mentality of "I just do what I'm told." and that's why Wesker is surprised to hear her ask for more information. when he says "I do not pay you to ask questions" it sounds like the very first time he's ever had to say that to her. ever. me: back up. how do you get from "feeling guilt over what happened to Leon" to "she's never questioned Wesker"??? my brain: Ada is extremely intelligent and, as a spy, curious and investigative by nature. if you think about how completely bewildered she was by Leon's change in attitude and demeanor, it only makes sense that she'd have a moment of "how the hell did this happen" followed up by the question of "what's driving him to fight so damn hard for a government that did what they did to him?" with the found answer that Cid gives Benedikta about Clive: "he's fighting for something he believes in." it's not about the government. it's about stopping something like what happened in Raccoon City from ever happening again. which then culminates in the thought: "why am I doing any of the things I'm doing? where are my efforts going, exactly? I guess I can just ask Wesker about it." me: holy shit me: you're right, it's not about drawing a moral line in the sand at all. that moral line has always been there. she just had no idea how close up on it she actually was. my brain: exactly. if not for her guilt over Leon, she would have never been inspired to ask Wesker what he plans on doing with the amber -- so, he would have never told her, and she would've handed it right over to him and been responsible for the deaths of billions. Ada is essentially learning for the very first time that her actions have consequences, like a toddler sticking a penny in a light socket. me: aight aight I feel u. but one thing to tack on: it's also probably not just Leon's influence at play here. there's probably something of Luis here, too. my brain: OH COOL I CAN MAKE IT EVEN WORSE THEN me: gODDAMN IT NO

[let-us-cultivate-our-garden]

Initial Thoughts and Reactions to “For the Future”

Spoilers after the cut. Avoid if you don’t like me being salty over the Collector.

Well, we are here at our penultimate episode of The Owl House. I enjoyed this one much more than “Thanks to Them” mainly in its depiction of Belos and not adding more Hunter angst. My main gripe with the season premiere is that it gave Belos this new-found possession power in a clear case of New Powers as the Plot Requires. Hunter spends 3/4s of the episode recovering and finding himself only for all of that to be obliterated by Belos once again. I have a more detailed post here.

Anyway, things I liked about FtF: the animation, holy smokes do they go all out with the fluid animation! Stand out pieces include the Collector’s sparkle wave and the reveal of Luz’s palisman. I liked how the little critter can shape-shift. Did you want an otter, here it is! A bat? That too! A snake? Well, that’s its default form! Her name is Stringbean. You will die for Stringbean.

Camila continues to be the best animated parent ever as she learns more about the Boiling Isles and how much it means to her daughter. Despite being freaked out multiple times, Camila sees how important the place and the people are to Luz and more importantly, how Luz is only hurting herself by pretending she wants to return to the human realm. Luz finally discovered who she was in the Demon Realm but she hadn’t realized yet, she only focused on her failures. Camila is able to open up about her own mistakes as a parent which triggers Luz’s realization as to what she really wants. She never fit in the human realm and had to find people in the Demon Realm that understood her so all she really wanted was to be understood. This epiphany followed by her palisman hatching is a beautiful climax to her character arc.

Things I was not fond of: The Collector. They’re a last-minute addition to the show and it’s apparent; his only real characterization is that he’s immature, likes to play, and doesn’t seem to realize the consequences of his actions. This would be a good starting point for a deeper, more layered character but the show is going for the common fan interpretation that “he’s just a kid! He just needs someone to guide him and he’ll be good!”

This is the same character who was a-okay with witch-genocide but since he’s a “kid” he gets a pass from the fandom and the show because he’s super-lonely and just wants friends.

Plus, there is the strong implication that he was not even responsible for the death of the Titans but other, apparently more “adult” Collectors were. See! He’s not like the others! He just wants to have fun! Belos is a bad influence! No wonder he’s like that!

Belos returns and true to form, starts manipulating people but this time in Raine’s puppified body. I didn’t care for Bunter but at least this possession makes sense because he is doing it to gain control over the Collector again. Belos didn’t feel like Belos in “Thanks to Them”; we didn’t get his reaction to the human realm despite it being foreshadowed, he was more like a movie monster villain than the character we’ve known since season 1. Here, at least Belos is being relatively subtle in his schemes instead of spouting cliched villain dialogue.

So Belos-as-Puppet-Raine starts to convince the Collector that King is actually trying to harm him! Obviously, King isn’t but the show needs to have a conflict between King and the Collector so it commits the most cliched miscommunication trope possible: Out-of-Context Eavesdropping. You’ve seen it before: Character A overhears Character B talk about them and out of context it sounds terrible. Character A is upset and leaves the scene. We cut back to Character B and it turns out that Character B meant something totally different! It’s in damn near every movie (especially kid’s media), it’s trite and everyone knows how it will end.

This is the problem with the Collector’s characterization so far: it’s basic. He’s just the Sad Lonely Boy Who Needs Friends. He makes mistakes but only because he doesn’t know any better! He falls under the sway of the Bad Guy and the Heroes have to save the Sad Lonely Boy and show him the True Meaning of Friendship. I really hope the show doesn’t go that route but all signs point in that direction.

This has been my main problem with The Owl House is that despite its commitment to trope-busting and nuanced characters, it lays all of the world’s problems on one person who is primarily characterized as Evil Incarnate. Fortunately, we do get some glimpses of Belos and “Caleb.” Belos is literally falling apart and sees visions of Caleb (whether it’s a ghost or a hallucination is unclear) and he lashes out in anger, blaming “Caleb” for everything. The “ghosts” of the previous grimwalkers even show up and Belos rebukes them with a simple “oh, shut up.” It’s a brief yet effective look at Belos’ vulnerability and his adamant refusal to even acknowledge his actions. The man is literally haunted by his past but can’t turn back now because what would he even do? I like to think that these apparitions are really Belos’ guilty consciousness made manifest since his worst memories are when he kills his brother and the “birth” of the first grimwalker. Belos, despite his literal monstrosity, is a supremely human villain and I just wish the show spent a little more time showing the tragedy of his character instead of being the Source of All Evil in the Boiling Isles.

Since we got this little taste of Belos’ “haunting,” I’m hopeful that it will all come to fruition in the finale and we can have a proper sendoff to his character.

Assorted musings:

· The Collector should have petrified Terra. It would have cemented his status as a Real Threat instead of just another misunderstood child who was abused by Belos.

· Speaking of Terra, I like how the animators gave her an old-lady pouch. Even evil folks need body diversity.

· Willow finally got some focus and a little mini-arc of her own. This would have been more impactful if she was more of a key player in Season 2B instead of it being the Luz and Hunter Show.

· Hunter has Flapjack’s teleporting abilities. Yay! Our boy can do magic! It would have been neat though if Hunter could hear Flapjack in his head. If Belos could hear the thousands of palisman souls screaming in his mind then why can’t Hunter do the same?

· Hooty manages to be freaky in an endearing way even as a jack-in-the-box. Never change Hooty.

· Why is Boscha here? We haven’t seen her properly since season 1 so it was a little jarring to see how much time they spent on this character. I guess a few loose ends needed to be tied and we needed to see what was going on with Hexside so here we are. Kiki is also here for Reasons. I guess we need a few mini-bosses before dealing with The Collector/Belos duo.

[necroromantics]

https://open.spotify.com/track/2KVE3CIYhD83nTwI2HGio9?si=4xPRYc42T8yr_2Ex7M_W-A

Tobin vibes

YOURE SO FUCKING REAL FOR THAT BRO Also this song is really good I like loud ass music. Tobin would listen to this in his headphones biking around town

I dont know if you've read my Tobin short story "Guthound Roulette" but this is literally the premise of the story. Youre genius.

OK I HAVENT WROTE THIS YET But after Tobin kills his dad and Tali accidentally kills her brother, she steals her dads truck and they ditch town together where they eventually end up in Farnbury. So this bit really reminded me of this scene I have in my head where they're driving out of town and theres sirens in the distance and shit

I like this a lot cuz Tobins thing is that people around him view him sorta just like some troubled kid, just a stupid kid with issues, a problem to be fixed, the runt of the group yknow. And so he's very very very good at using that to his advantage, he fucks up, then he blames anything else, hes really good at avoiding consequences and can talk himself out of a LOT, and then he does it again and again cuz he doesn't learn from his mistakes

"Put me in a cage".... Had to bring up a dog motif for this. Mb. Caged animal Tobin. "Pump me full of drugs" Also real cuz Tobin is a fucking junkie LMAO He got a lot better with using less and more responsibly by the time they get in Farnbury, for Tali's sake, but before that the two were in Louisiana for about a year and he was verryyy into shit like gang crime, selling/buying/using all sorts of drugs. And this guy is fucking ambitious to a fault, "Its never enough" is perfect to describe his mindset. Hes never tough enough, he never knows enough, he never does enough, he never gets enough revenge, he goes WAYY too far with literally everything. Tobin doesnt know the meaning of limits.

And then "We could never be together/Run away baby/I will never do better" this describes one of the biggest issues in Tali and Tobins relationship, is just that hes so certain that he is a bad person and that he destroys everything he has and that he wont ever be better, to the point its a self fulfilling prophecy. But by Farnbury he starts to grow out of this and into a "I WILL be better for her" mindset

Ok thats my thoughts on the song. LMAOO Thank you for sharing that shit is real as hell

[6kuros]

As a fellow creator who is also disturbed and upset by the revelation of pizza tower being a product of 4chan type people, I'm wondering how you handle it? I still want to draw fan art but Im struggling to not get uncomfortable. Basically, I have both love and hate for the game now, and you seem like a cool person so Im wondering how you deal with that. Love your pizza tower fan art sm btw!

im really glad that you enjoy my art, and also am flattered you think im cool!!!

first of all, id like to mention that the art i posted just now was art that i had finished last night, before everything about mcpig came to light and i just wanted to post it since i already had it done…still unsure if im going to draw consistent pizza tower in the future honestly, id like to because its a lot of fun and i really do love a lot about the game. ideally, the current situation would change somehow so i can do that without any discomfort for myself or others, but the only way i foresee that happening is if the devs actually remove the racist shit from the game

what makes me feel (kind of) okay about producing fanart for the game despite what emerged is mostly the fact that as long as i am not reproducing the harmful contents of the game, nor directly supporting the people behind it, im not putting any harm into the world or perpetuating the 4chan stuff i guess? the only thing im really worried about is possibly getting people to want to buy the game by putting my fanart out there, but considering the games popularity from streaming and youtube videos i dont see my own art as contributing to that much. that makes it easier for me not to feel unsettled when i draw fanart for it, but i think that depends on how you view the relationship between fanart and source material, especially in an interactive space like the internet. if you think your art risks sending the message that you approve of negative aspects of a piece of media then its probably better not to share that art

theres also the fact that from the messages that were revealed i get the impression that at some point mcpig had a sort of disdain for "cringe leftists" being fans of the game i guess, and i would consider myself someone who he would/would have found cringe at one point lol. so by being into the game its kind of a fuck you idc that you hate me, this thing you made is being enjoyed by cringe leftists. considering the tone of some of the messages was "if people get mad at me im just going to be edgy in response" i dont even think disengaging with the game would even bother him at all. but all of that is really just speculation and i dont want to insinuate that engaging with bigoted media is proactive just because you are a marginalized person or have progressive politics. its important to actually weigh the harm of your actions and what effect you have with your consumption of said media i dont really know if thats a good answer though, and if it holds up to any sort of moral judgement. i do think its possible to enjoy problematic media, but considering how new the game is its not the kind of thing i can look at and be like "this piece of media is from x years ago and doesnt do real harm now". my worst fear is that there are pizza tower fans who are going to see the awful shit in the game and replicate it, bc the game somehow makes them thinks theres nothing wrong with it or that they can do so without consequence. just from a scope of the fandom there seem to be a lot of young teenagers so Yeah. im concerned in that regard and id like to beam a message into kids' brains thats just like Hey this character design/behavior fucking sucks Dont do this

so, by posting my art anyway i hope i can contribute to a portion of the fanbase that is outwardly against the bigoted content in the game, as an alternative to mcpig dick riders/defenders. and if there are any fans out there involved in the community who dont know better, hopefully they can learn, and avoid perpetuating bigotry

all that being said, your feelings on the matter may be very different, and you dont have to abide to any of this thinking. if a piece of media is upsetting you, its okay to step away from it as long as you need. maybe see how you feel when you come back to it and if the hateful feelings are still there, there is no obligation to engage further

(and as a bottom line if anybody reading this is considering playing pizza tower i suggest you pirate it instead of paying for it)

[capeline-cutemeister]

Mrs. Pemberton for the Temeraire ask meme!

Oughghghghgh the consequences of my actions. Theres so little about her in general, even less than characters like Odea, who are at least not gone from the main cast for half of a book, and then barely mentioned afterwards First impression: I didn't really have much opinion of her, other than that shes kinda a strong, badass woman? Imagine going to fucking Australia for any reason, let alone just because your husband was going there, who shortly died anyways. And when given the opportunity to go back she just goes "no thats boring.

Impression now: My opinion hasn't changed much, but in my defense, shes kinda a fucking awesome badass woman. I mean she reminds me of Lathebo. She just seems utterly fearless, or at least so dedicated to her responsibilities that she doesn't much care if a twenty ton dragon gets annoyed at her. Can you imagine? Imagine yourself, trapped in the depths of the Amazon, struggling along with your shipmates through a shitty situation that you put yourself through because you had rum or whatever; and theres this woman just calmly and imperiously attending to her duties without any signs of complaint. I mean she sacrifices her petticoat for one of the sailors shroud too, which isn't some toss away detail like it may seem. Thats like, an entire layer of clothing. An entire layer designed to make the exact situation of horrible sweat inducing environments more tolerable. Like shes a really calm, kindhearted, badass woman.

Favorite moment: Undoubtedly when she forced the french ambassador (Deguine????) to bring her back to Laurence and co.

Idea for a story: Honestly I dont really have much ideas for a story, but i think that she would make the worlds coolest, most improbable dragon captain ever. She could at the very least handle courier duty if she was allowed to and wanted to- but frankly i see no reason that she couldn't manage a crew for a larger dragon, minus her age.

Unpopular opinion: Are there opinions on Mrs Pemberton?

Favorite relationship: I don't really have much in the way of any favorite relationship for her, i think its kinda part of her charm that shes widowed. Like its not like she *couldn't* remarry. She very much so explicitly avoided going back to Britain where she could marry someone of proper stature, just because it would be too boring. I dont think romance is on her list of priorities. And i know that there are a lot of other types of relationship but i mean like. What do you want me to say. She has like one real relationship, and thats with Roland, and I do like that- but it feels a bit like cheating. Oh well, she does want to learn to shoot so thats more points in her favor

[ibetonlosingroys]

Invisible String

Part 2/2

Spoilers for S04E03 Connor’s Wedding

Read on ao3:

After the boat docks, after the press conference and the flurry of reporters with their cameras and their microphones and their questions devoid of any human sympathy, all that remains is Kendall, Roman, and a private jet, containing within it the body of Logan Roy. You had watched from your place on the sidelines as Tom gathered Shiv in his arms before the two of them rode off in a company car, and while that may have been an appropriate time for you to go to Roman, you felt frozen. It’s true that throughout your relationship, you had seen him through a variety of familial angst, trauma, and misery; but you had never weathered a storm of this magnitude with him. What if you couldn’t do it? What if he broke so fully and completely that you would be unable to piece him back together? You had been so consumed by the fear of Roman being unable to handle this that you hadn’t stopped to consider whether or not you could.

It was time for that answer to reveal itself as while you were lost in your panicked musings, Roman had appeared at your side, sliding his clammy hand into yours. You offer a soft squeeze as he clears his throat, “I’m uh, I’m going to go see him,” he says avoiding your gaze, “Will you come with me?” Your mind races a mile a minute. Are you really about to see a dead body, do you even want to? Immediately though, a response tumbles out of your mouth on its own, “Of course.” He looks at you then, a tight lipped grimace and you decide in that instant that you can do this. You will do this, in fact you can’t imagine being anywhere other than by his side, offering any modicum of stability as his very universe shifts on its axis.

You fall in step together, walking what feels like an impossibly long distance to the plane, an ambulance ready to take Logan away. The sight of it makes the events of the past few hours feel all too real, and Roman’s grip becomes crushing in your hand. “We can leave if you want,” you whisper to him, “You call the shots. It’s not like he’ll be mad at you.” He laughs at that, thin and breathless “Shiv said the same thing,” he shakes his head. “Well then it must be true.” You tug gently on his arm, giving him the opportunity to walk away right now, before that airplane door opens and he sees something that can never be unseen, but he stands firm. “No, I want to see. I think I… I think I need to,” his free hands flails around as if searching for something to grab hold of. You understand. You had heard how confused and lost he sounded back on the boat, insisting that they couldn’t be sure he was dead.

Well now he could be sure. Two paramedics exit the private jet, carrying between them a lifeless body on a stretcher covered by a white cloth. It struck you just then, the sheer magnitude of events that all stemmed from the body in front of you. It’s almost shocking that a man whose presence was so large, whose actions triggered such massive domino effects of consequences could just be gone. Responsible for global tragedies, and tragedies on a much more insular level, as you were reminded by the trembling hand within yours. You snake your other hand around his bicep, hoping to steady him as the stretcher passes by the two of you to be loaded in the ambulance,

A few choked sounds escape Roman and you sneak a glance at his face. His eyes remain dry, as they have been the entire day, but grief has contorted his face into a nearly unrecognizable expression. Brow furrowed, lips pinched downward as his throat continued forcing as much emotion down as possible. It was as if he was fighting a war within himself, one that would certainly end in carnage.

The ambulance pulled away and Logan was really and truly gone. The echoes of him however, you were nearly positive those wouldn’t be going anywhere. Allowing Roman to take the lead, you turn on your heel as he does, offering a wave to Kendall as you cross his path. There’s a full moon overhead and you don’t remember it becoming nighttime. You point to the sky and catch the ghost of a smile passing over Roman’s lips. “Good moon,” he says softly before sliding into the backseat of the car. Sitting by his side, you allow yourself a longer look at him, taking in all of his features and seeing a different man than the one you left home with this morning. “I don’t believe it,” he mutters, shaking his head. “I know,” you say, “We’ll be home soon,” you brush a stray piece of hair off his forehead and he closes his eyes, the harsh lines on his face never smoothing out. You don’t look away from him the entire journey home, monitoring each breath, sniffle, and fidget.

The two of you all but tumble through the doorway to your home, even the familiar furnishings and decor feeling somehow wrong on a day like this. You lock the door behind you, and you and Roman are finally alone. Away from prying eyes, away from conversations of business, and questions he wasn’t prepared to answer, he was finally in his home, with you. Only then did he allow that wall to come down, and with it came a floodgate.

Before your brain could even catch up to what you saw, Roman made a beeline for the bathroom, collapsing harshly to his knees as he was overcome by a bout of retching, choking, and spitting. In what could have only been a few seconds, you were there to steady him and rub comforting circles on his back. He moaned brokenly into the toilet bowl as you watched him vomit up what seemed like more food than you had ever seen him eat. “Let it all out babe, don’t fight it,” you encourage, feeling his stomach muscles spasm and contract until all that’s left to come out is stringy bile. “God that’s gross,” he rubs the palms of his hands deep into his eye sockets, as if he can force the fallen tears back in. “Think you’re done?’ you ask only to be met with another groan, “For now,” he answers. “Okay, let’s just sit here a minute,” you lean back against the wall and want nothing more than to snatch him into your arms, but instead allow him to set his own pace, slowly deflating against your chest as you squeeze him tight.

The silence is brief, broken by Roman clearing his throat. “He wasn’t a good guy,” he practically whispers and you hold him impossibly tighter. “No, he wasn’t,” you agree. “I did love him though,” he says even quieter and you respond just as fiercely, “You did, I know that you did.” He shakes in your arms and stammers out the beginning of several abandoned sentences before giving in. And he cries, because what else is there to do. He cries like someone who has been holding it in their entire life. His hands grip at the collar of your dress as he takes a shuddering breath to propel him into a fresh round of sobs, each one stabbing right into your chest. You offer no words of comfort, because there are none.

[enneamage]

Idk if you've seen the recent Tubbo & Tommy stream. Tubbo shows Tommy the Sapnap clip of Sapnap responding to Punz's "you want to be Tubbo so bad" comment with "yeah sure, I want to lose a million dollars on a minecraft server."

Tubbo said he woke up to that and was like "oh". Tommy said he missed it when they were all friends. Tubbo says, "I'm just around. You're [Tommy] the one that causes the rifts". Tommy says "well yeah, to be fair...well yeah".

They talk about food briefly then Tubbo brings it up again saying, "No, look here's the thing. You [Tommy] do your things, you cause arguments, you cause issues, and then you're like, 'Tubbo, I miss when we were all friends. Why can't we just all be friends again?' and I'm like well, I mean, one of us is clearly responsible for this and its not me". Then Tubbo says he's going to put on copyright music so the "twitter andys" dont find them.

I'm curious to your opinion on this. To me Tommy maybe regretting some things... It's also interesting to me Tubbo goes along with Tommy actions even when he doesn't seem to agree with him.

Ah yes, I had been mulling over what to say on that one since I know I've been quiet on here.

If I go back to my old ways and draw attention back to "Minecraft Roleplay Is Real, Actually" we can pretty quickly notice that Tommy is historically not great at realistically assessing what the consequences of his actions will be on other peoples perceptions of him, or what reactions/nonreactions he is owed in return. He will hit at whatever strength level he can muster, and then wonder what other people's problems are when they hit back. This is a lifelong issue of his.

Regret would imply him accepting his agency in a way that I think he gets avoidant with-- I think he might really wish for an easier, simpler time, but I think his "I miss when we were all friends" in the video was a bit of his irony streak rather than actually sincere. If you split the difference between the sentiments, you get "I miss when I didn't have to deal with this" which is less sentimental but more on brand. 

Later on he tries to turn things by saying that two things stunlock him, Tubbo calling him homophobic and drama, so he's avoidant about the topic but Tubbo was just not having it that day. (In fact, the 'I miss when we were all friends' might be him trying to tape his own mouth shut and not escalate further because he's trying to press down his own aggression and come off well.)