#and ive actually been fine the last 5 months

[toastsnaffler]

omg.... my new nearest audiology department actually has an EMAIL TO CONTACT!!!!!!! we're so fucking back baby

[onlyjaeyun]

i’ve been following ur writing for some time now and i do have to agree with that anon who said you did CH dirty. you are a very talented writer so it’s just hard to watch.

you started off CH so strong with the lore and little chapters here and there but as it progressed you kind of just got lazy and it shows. when important events happened in the story, they weren’t conveyed through writing but through the texts (ie the riki and yn fight, that was definitely worth a written chapter) and it was honestly disappointing.

the ending isn’t much to say about either. yn and hoon barely go through development after the letter incident and all of a sudden they’re dating and married with a kid like two chapters later?

idk, if it was a mental health issue then i get that but even then you should’ve just gave it a break and thought everything out more. you could do so much better.

thank you for the feedback!

i wanna put you through the progess of a piece of writing from the POV of a writer okay? now keep in mind: i work two jobs, am a fulltime uni student and the daughter of an immigrant household with two parents who still work most of the day just so you know what else i have to deal with, besides my mental health okay?

now, i started off CH strong right? yes. i uploaded on the daily, fine i chose that. a chapter usually takes me around one hour if i actually sit down and focus on nothing but the chapter itself, which includes IG stories, editing, formatting etc. alright

on top of the daily chapters, i constantly replied to 40+ asks a day, a blessing in disguise because no matter how much i enjoy talking to you guys, the pressure does get worse the bigger that number of my inbox becomes, i hope this makes sense

now, i started CH back in october, right when my semester started, thats why i started off strong but as time went on, my assignments and private life got too busy and i guess i felt entitled enough as a writer to skip a few certain chaps and make life a little easier for me by making them regular chapters instead of written ones.

and this is gonna be my main point: i'm not a machine. i wrote a minimum of 5 THOUSAND words per written chapter, MINIMUM. we're talking about a 5-9 THOUSANDED worded chapter EACH WEEK. which usually took me about 6-7 hours, even allnighters.

yes, i chose to do that and maybe my time management wasn't the best but i had to create a compromise where i wouldnt have let you guys wait for over two months which would have resulted in me losing my motivation completely, and yet still focusing on EXAMS. because you know, i'm a fulltime uni student with TWO jobs 😮‍💨

if YOU think i did CH dirty go write an alternative ending yourself but it should be a minimum of 15 chapters including 5 written ones, with at LEAST 9k words each yeah? i wanna see you manage it all, pls prove me wrong snd show me you're better than me i'm genuinely begging bc it might inspire me to do "better" next time.

as a writer/artist/creator, and i can tell you probably arent one yourself or havent been one for long, the longer smth takes to come to an end the worse the pressure becomes which results in a blockage i dont wish upon my worst enemy i'm being deadass. i dealt with some of the worst writer's block ive had since i started writing literally 12 years ago and you're telling me i should have just "taken a break" and do "better"

i never, ever expected anything from anyone but some of you are so entitled to a writer's time and skill it's giving me a headache. maybe you didn't like the timing and writing of the last few chapters of CH and i guess that's unfortunate but this was so unnecessary because you completely dismissed everything else that could have been going on in my life and even belittled my mental health issues like im some fucking AI writing machine

do better, be nicer, write it yourself if you don't like it i'm so fucking over this

if i had gotten out of my own comfort and wellbeing and have actually written another set of written chapters i would have burned myself completely out. ive been in this fandom for not even a year and have already finished FOUR smaus with 50 chapters each, you do NOT get to tell me what i should or could have done better because you dont even give a fuck about me as a person this is just about receiving what YOU think YOURE entitled to but this is MY art and I will do what I see fit even if it's not what was expected of it because i'm a fucking human being with a life before i'm a writer on tumblr

oh, also: i do this for free ㅤ:) just a reminder :) this is my HOBBY :)

and don't you EVER call me lazy again when it comes to writing because i'm not gonna pour my heart and soul into a fic just for you to call me lazy when i literally wrote 50 THOUSAND words for this fucking fic just for the written chapters

goodbye

[anime-grimmy-art]

It’s this time of the year again, folks. Time to wrap up the art Ive made in the last 12 months in another Year in Review! I’ve noticed that this is my fifth Year in Review in a row, so I’ll be making an extra post looking back on the progress in those last 5 years!

I've got a lot to say about this year, but purely art wise, I've gone all when it comes to comics, damn! I've kinda found a format that is messy, and therefore more time efficient, yet still looks good. I even made 2 animatics and lotsa shorts/reels! All that on top of opening coms twice, and, oh yeah, MAKING A WHOLE ASS 4MIN ANIMATION ON MY OWN.

How is my hand still alive.

2023 has been….interesting, to say the least. The first half year I was working on my thesis project, aka making an animated short all on my own (in the art department), which makes it honestly surprising how much I managed to churn out between animating. Trigun rly did have me in a choke hold.

Summer was a bit more spotty, esp. with me not being able to draw anything during August as I was writing my thesis (and doing commissions). And towards the end of the year, Kingdom Hearts tried to save me, but alas, Genshin Impact has finally sunk its teeth into me and dragged me to the bottom of the rabbit hole. It all started with me watching a story summary and lore videos while I was sick after my thesis and I was too intrigued to not dig deeper and well, first I fell in love with Kaeya and then the ships started dropping in left and right.

I’m not gonna lie, the last few months have been weird. I finished my masters in October, and have been on job hunt since, sadly without success so far. I’m existing in this weird limbo of still not grasping I’m not a student anymore after 18 years in education, not really being able to accept I’m an adult, yet desperately trying to find something so I can make a routine, cos rn Im too scared to build a rhythm as I know I’ll have a so much harder time readjusting again. It’s left me in a weird emotional state, where most of the time I feel fine, but when it counts, there’s just, nothing. No joy at getting my diploma, no anticipation to finally go to a convention again, neither any sadness hearing my grandfather died. It frustrates me that it extends to my art as well, there’s excitement over ideas and concepts, but no motivation to pick up the pencil, which makes me either not finish art at all or making so many shortcuts and just ending up with sth not satisfactory to me since it’s not the idea I sought after.

Tho, not everything is doom and gloom. I DID finish a whole ass short animation and got my masters degree, that IS sth to be proud of. Also, while Im struggling at drawing, I’ve also kinda started integrating my shortcuts into my style and some stuff I’ve thrown together actually turns out real good nowadays. Also, and this might be a bit of a weird one, I’m so fucking happy to know I can still enjoy gay ships. I’ve been a bit uncertain over the last few years because when I was around 16-18, I had a real big yaoi phase, which mostly came from the fact so much stuff came out that tickled my brain in the right way (Free, Haikyuu, etc.). But over the years, my enthusiasm died down, and I even started to resent some ships because it’s all some fandoms produced. I often found myself liking a hetero ship more than the popular gay ship, which really made me not wanna stick around because I did not care for most fanart and you can only go through a tag with art you don’t care about so long before you lose interest. I think in retrospect that it rly had nothing to do with the ships being gay ships but rather cos the fans just shoved it in your face when you didn’t care (and shipping culture nowadays also can get real scary). But I’m so happy to see I can still get obsessed with a ship and it’s all thanks to Haikaveh/Kavetham. It really just needed the right flavour for me to dig in again. And oh my god, I FINALLY like a ship with a SHIT TON of art and fanfictions, no more scrounging the crumbs from the bottom of the barrel. 

Anyways, enough lamenting. Here’s to hoping I can bite my tongue and get shit started properly in 2024, and that my brainrots may make me obsessed enough to churn out an obscene amount of fanart again.

[someonexsomeone]

Everything I Know About Love

Title: Everything I Know About Love

Author: SomeonexSomeone

Word Count: 3k

Pairing: Bella Swan x Reader

Summary: After a certain vampire left her life, Bella just tries to continue her life...without the expectation of meeting a drunkard at a party and talking about love.

Authors Note: DAY 5 WHOOP WHOOP I cant believe im actually doing it. Lots of reasons of life happening now that in the past ive let dictate my life, I'm actually proud of myself for keeping this going. Make sure to give yourself a pat on the back today. Afterall, you survived another one, against all odds :)

Though parties weren't really her scene, there was only so much more Charlie could take of her being in her room. Really, she had been feeling better little by little for the last couple of months, though she doubted she would ever feel completely whole again for a really long time, she wasn’t just wasting away like she was when Ed-...like she had been before. Jessica and Angela were being more than understanding, one more than the other though she didn’t want to name names, and the boys were keeping her easily distracted by asking her to tutor them. Jacob, of course, was doing more than enough by being by her side, even going as far as helping her fix up some old dirt bikes and teaching her to ride. Their weekly rides near the beach make the weekends that much sweeter, even if she’s probably spent more on laundry detergent in that time than she has her whole life. 

So, she thought, you would think that all of this progress was good enough for Charlie to finally turn back to the relaxed, non-hovering parent she had come to appreciate, right? Wrong. Though he had gotten much better recently, finally stopping his stupid stop-ins to her room when she was quiet for too long, though it meant she was now doing her homework at the kitchen table rather than in the comfort of her room, he still looked at her like she was going to break apart at the slightest breeze, or even the mention of the Cullens. Cullen was a phrase much easier for her to say, recalling her near-death experience with Jasper and Rosalie’s sour face to cover Alice’s smiling face or Emmet’s welcoming demeanor or Esme’s gentle hands, but some words still caused her to shiver or go stockstill despite her reassurance that she was better, that she was going to be okay. Charlie knew better than to mention the redheaded Cullen if he could avoid it. And, so long as he remembered it, Bella was fine. Even if Charlie’s eyes betrayed his reassuring words, and his typical late nights at the office were instead moved to the house, papers scattered across the coffee table to act like both the crime map and coasters for his beer, she would continue to be. 

She knew he was trying, trying as much as he possibly could for someone who didn’t really raise his daughter until the most hormonal parts, but it was like he didn’t even remember who she was…before. Scrapes and bruises on her arms from general clumsiness earned her a self-harm prevention pamphlet on her bed, missed meals earned her a furrowed brow, and any plans that weren’t outside made his mustache wiggle in an almost amused way. This, though, she almost wanted to scream at.

“Dad, seriously?”

“Listen, I’m just worried, Bells. It feels like you’ve been cooped up in your room for days.” It took all her willpower to not roll her eyes.

“Because it’s midterms? I’m not going to go out when these tests are important.”

“I know, but you even missed your date with Jacob this week!” She huffed.

“It’s not a date, Dad,” she said, exasperated that this was probably the millionth time she’s said the words but they never seemed to stick. “Plus, Jacob’s doing his midterms as well! You know Billy’s not going to let him go on that guy’s trip if he doesn’t get a B on his Math test, and he really wants to go.”

“I just don’t understand why you can’t go over and help-”

“And,” she cut him off, “I went out two weekends ago with the girls to get Prom dresses, per your request.”

“...I just want to make sure you’re feeling alright.” Bella huffed in defeat, swinging her legs over the edge of her bed. It was just supposed to be a peaceful afternoon nap before she got back to studying, a break for her eyes and hands from staring at the index cards thrown across her desk, but apparently, that was too much to ask.

“I’m fine, Dad, really. I just need to study.” Bella stood beside her desk, the picture-perfect student in every way. He still looked skeptical. She sighed. “Jessica is hosting a party this weekend. A get-together, to celebrate the end of exams.” She watched ruefully as he perked up immediately. “Can I go?”

Charlie played up the protective guardian, stroking his mustache in thought, before saying, “Will there be alcohol?” Bella just huffed again, rolling her eyes. “Okay, okay. As long as you promise to be responsible, and call me if anything looks suspicious, you can go.”

And that’s how she found herself sitting on the steps outside of Jessica’s family lakehouse. The perfect environment for debauchery, it was far enough away from Fork to feel like you were in the middle of nowhere without sacrificing any cell service. She could hear people cheering down by the water, jumping in although winter was just letting up across the PNW, and the music playing behind her made her blood thump heavily under her skin. For a long time, she found comfort in the sound of her own heart, the steady thumping she could hear if she paid attention, but now it just made her feel conflicted. The thing that Ed-...he loved about her, dare she say, most, a reminder of him that she couldn’t ever be parted from. It made her heart clench painfully. She took another sip of the drink in her cup, long warmed past the chill it once had.

Introverted to her core, Bella actually found herself thankful for the change in scenery. Although she had come to like Forks, there were a few downsides. Not only did everyone know everyone, which meant that her original plan to hide out in the library when the party was happening was quickly dashed when she remembered the weekend librarian was a frequent customer at Charlie’s favorite diner, but it also meant that midterms were not as much of a distraction as she hoped. Yes, her teachers were good, but the advanced placement curriculum at her old school made this school much easier. Jacob was gone this weekend too, receiving a B- on his Math test that made Billy roll his eyes, so he wasn’t there to shelter her from Charlie’s downcast eyes, and all of her school friends were going to attend this party, even Angela, who convinced her parents this was an important part of her adolescent upbringing. She thought Angela was her best bet to curb boredom and wandering hands, but as soon as she saw her boyfriend, it was game over. 

The evening air was crisp out here, a dewy smell that reminded her of all those summers she was able to take a break from Arizona’s dry heat. The view from the cabin was amazing. The calm lake and the tree-filled skyline listed a little weight from her chest, just for a moment, the closest thing she’s gotten to be around her old vampire boyfriend as she could get. There was that stint in her life where she thought changing everything about herself was a great place to start to get over her first love, but past the shoulder-length haircut and dirt bikes, there wasn’t anything actually fun to her in the more dangerous activities she tried about. A shudder ran through her at the reminder of her attempt at cliff driving. She took one look over the edge before demanding Jacob escort her back to their car. He just laughed at her, waving her over to instead sit on the rocks and look out at the horizon. It was there that she learned gazing out at a body of water, whether ocean or lake, made her feel a peace she had been desperately looking for. Something about the majesty of the water, she reasoned, made her problems seem so insignificant…

“I’m not gonna throw up, you stupid head!” Bella nearly jumped out of her skin as the back door flew open, releasing the stench of sweaty teens and blasting pop music she escaped outside to avoid, There was a rumble of voices in the wake of the person stumbling out before the heavy door swung shut with a bang. Bella jumped up, holding her arms out faster than she could think, though she had no clue why she thought she would be able to catch the obviously drunk teen when she could barely stand on her own two feet most days. The person barely noticed Bella, stumbling past them to throw themselves against the deck’s railing. Bella worried they were gonna hurl, or worse, throw themselves over, but they did neither. Instead, they gasped heavily, like they hadn’t had a good breath of air in who knows how long, before leaning back and basically stumbling onto Bella’s feet. With a bounce, they ended up right next to her, their head snapping up to gape at Bella’s equally wide eyes.

“Holy shit! How long have you been there?!” Bella opened her mouth, but no words escaped. Instead, she stared at this stranger and mimicked a fish. “Oh my god, did I just sit on you? I’m so sorry!”

“No, you’re okay.” Bella hesitated. “Are you…okay? Not gonna hurl or anything, are you?” That earned a laugh, way too loud to be from anyone but a drunk person.

“Yeah! I just needed some fresh air.” Bella smiled at that.

“That’s why I’m out here too. It’s way too loud in there.” That one earned her a blinding smile. Bella let out a small puff of air, only a little uncomfortable around this random stranger, and unsure about what to do next. Does she sit down? No, that would be stupid.

“Why don’t you sit too? We can keep each other company, and become best friends!”

“Best friends?” Bella jumped as her hand was grabbed, and could do nothing against the sudden strong force pulling her down. Her drink went flying as her butt hit the step harshly.

“Yeah! I’m in the market for a new one.” If they noticed her pained expression, they didn’t say anything. Bella rubbed her back as they continued, “I was supposed to hang out here and celebrate with her, but turns out she’s a two-faced skank and hooked up with the guy I liked.” Bella just stared, open-mouthed. “Oh, don’t worry! It stopped hurting about…” The finger counting was near hilarious, but Bella was too worried about them to laugh. “I don’t remember! A while ago.” Then they huffed, nearly doing a 180 in emotion. “Besides, it’s not like I was in love or anything. I mean, I hardly knew the guy. But there was something about him…”

“I know what you mean.” The words were out before Bella could even think about the consequences. 

“You do?” Bella hesitated, before nodding. “Were you in love?”

“Um…”

“Oh no!” Bella jumped back, nearly catching an elbow to the face as the stranger threw their hands in front of their face, “I made you uncomfortable! Oh, I’m so sorry! Me and my big fat mouth…”

“No! No, it’s okay!” Bella reached forward, pulling their hands away from their face, trying to earnestly look into their eyes. “I’m sorry. It’s just…a little fresh.”

“...you’re sure?” Bella nodded once. “Oh! You’re too nice!” Then, arms were thrown around her, pulling her face far too close to a stranger’s. “Woah! And pretty!” The stranger huffed. Bella shivered as their breath puffed against her face. “I bet you get loads of dates.”

“I wouldn’t say that-”

“And you probably know everything about being in love! Tell me about it, please!” Bella blinked. Drunk memory, she figured, or they just had a really bad one. “Please, please! I need to know. What if he was the one, and I never knew because I didn’t know what it felt like!”

“I don’t…” Bella could feel the rejection on the tip of her tongue. Denial would be easy, it’s not like she knew who this person was anyway. Plus, it would probably be easy to lose them in the crowd inside, and a phone had to be somewhere around here to call Charlie to come pick her up, despite the plan to spend the night here to help Jessica clean in the morning. But…there was something sparkling in their eyes that made Bella hesitate. This was a complete stranger, a person that, if they even knew who she was before this night, probably knew nothing of her previous relationship. Especially if they were this drunk. They were looking at Bella with the biggest, most innocent eyes, gleaming with so much unbridled trust and innocence that Bella felt her soft heart waver. “...know how to describe it.”

“Is it like how everyone says it is?” Bella laughed a little at that, gently pushing them away to settle their face back into their own personal bubble. In retaliation, they swung their knees so they knocked against Bellas, making their shoe tips touch for good measure.

“It can be. It was for me.” Their look of awe made Bella giggle lightly.

“Really?”

“In a way.” Bella paused, watching their eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Was that the answer you’re looking for?”

“I don’t know…maybe?”

“Then…tell me what you’ve heard, and I can elaborate for you?” Bella watched as they mouthed the word ‘elaborate’ before the meaning clicked and they nodded their head enthusiastically. 

“Just not too many words, okay? You’re a little…fuzzy?” Bella laughed lightly, nodding. The stranger smiled. “Yeah, that’s perfect! Okay, so, enchanting in every way.” Bella nodded, and their smile bloomed brighter. “It's everlasting every day.” Bella hesitated, before giving a so-so wave with her hand. They frowned in response. “Stomach sick with butterflies?” At Bella’s enthusiastic nod, they smiled again. “Sweet obsession, rose bouquets-”

“Trust me,” Bella said, cutting them off. She felt a little bad, but this was too complicated for a yes or no answer. “From personal experience, obsession is not what you want. Not when it’ll eat you whole.” That caused another bout of eyebrow-wiggling confusion.

After a moment, they said, “Maybe they were just obsessed with being in love? Obsessed with obsession is how things end up…no good.” Bella felt her eyes widen in shock. For a drunk person, someone who could barely remember a conversation from a moment ago and for completely disregarding personal space, that was shockingly coherent. 

In their short months together, Bella couldn’t count the number of times Edw- he talked about falling in love. Their late nights together were spent half in silence, just gazing into each other's eyes, and the other half was spent talking about anything they felt the need to say. For Bella, it was what she was thinking, how she was raised, things she liked. For him, it was how long he had waited for her, for someone who sung for him and made him feel loved as he had seen Esme and Carlisle interact throughout their many years. She remembered the way his eyes shined as he talked about them, about the love they had for one another, the way they fit together better than anyone he had seen in his 100 years. 

“I have that now, with you.” He whispered before kissing her, putting any conviction he had in the statement with the first press against her lips. And she had believed him, wholeheartedly. Looking back on it now, she can see why Charlie and her friends were worried for her. Months of on and off, of not knowing if Bella was gaining his attention in a good or bad way, the way he proclaimed his love to her within a month or two of knowing her. But…she could still feel his insistence, his devotion, and the love that sparkled in his eyes when they were together. There was no way that wasn’t real…was it?

“Maybe you’re right…” Bella whispered, neither convinced nor closed off to the possibility. These last few months have given her a lot of time to think things through. Writing to Alice had helped a little in the beginning, but having Jacob there to talk to, to finally have someone to open up to, especially after learning his own secret, their friendship had never been closer. He was always there for her, especially on the bad days, and cheered her on when she was able to get back on her own feet. After finally asking out the girl of his dreams, he didn’t abandon her, instead introducing them so Bella was always welcome without a hint or suspicion of something else, something unsaid, being there. Bella felt a swell of adoration when she thought of Jacob, but it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the way she felt with him. But was that such a bad thing?

“You’re frowning.” Bella started, flinching as a hand gently pressed on the space between her eyebrows. She hadn’t even realized they had pushed together.

“You’ve given me something to think about.” That caused a smile.

“Really?” Bella nodded. “Good! I’m not just a pretty face, you know.”

“I don’t doubt that,” Bella laughed. Their smile brightened even more. In one swift motion, with far too much coordination for someone so drunk, they threw their arms around her, pulling her close and smacking a wet kiss against her cheek. Bella’s face flared bright red.

“And you’re not just a pretty face too! You’re a gorgeous face with a kind heart!” They slumped against her, resting their head against Bella’s shoulder, snuggling as close as they could in their awkward position. “Thank you for explaining things to me. I think it made me fall in love with you.”

“Wha-” Bella stuttered. They laughed loudly, pressing their lips against her cheek again with more teeth than necessary.

“And you’re funny! You have to give me your number now. I’m not gonna let that stank bag get to you before me this time.”

Joke or not, Bella couldn’t help her burning ears or the way her heart beat out of them. She also couldn’t help the way her heart skipped a beat. The first time in a long time.

______________________________________________________________

masterlist  l What is Laufeyfest? l Laufeyfest masterlist

[hollyhomburg]

👉🏻👈🏻 Can you go into your skin care routine a little bit as in what order you apply things and how long in between applying products (like is it immediately or do you wait 5 mins to let the first stuff dry/sink in before the next product)?

I get so lost with skin care that I get discouraged and then dont so anything.

oh god this is probably gonna be really long but,

so for the pm- Basically with most of the humectant (moisturizing stuff) you wanna apply that as soon as you get out of the shower and in quick succession so that any water and moisture can get absorbed into the skin and not just evaporate. assuming you shower at night like a sane person this should be your first step when you get out of the shower, you can not wipe off your face with your towl to keep your face damp for longer, i usually don't even wait to put on my pj's before i sit infront of my little skincare stack and start to slap stuff on my face.

the first batch is stuff like the cosrx snail mucin, cosrx glactanomicies ferment filtrate and hyaluronic acid (you'll see a lot of people tell you that 'the ordinary' one is bad but tbh it's fine and cheap, but a good option is also the one from good molecules, neither of them are more than 10$).

if you do not shower at night or wait to long and your skin gets dry, then you want to preface all of your skincare with some sort of toner; the lineage cream skin is absolutely amazing- especially if you have redness and inflamed skin- it is a little bit pricey but tbh most toners run in the 15-30 per 60oz range. these can last you up to 6 months. my leniege one was actually a gift from a follower for my last birthday and i've been using it very sparingly. i immediately follow it up with snail mucin, hyaluronic acid, or something light and hydrating, this is the first barrier of skincare that kind of cushions your skin if you plan on using an actives.

You want to sandwich all of the stuff that dries out your skin from acne, takes care of your fine lines and wrinkles, or chemically exfoliates your skin between your serum and cream. now is when you get into the waiting- when you start to apply your actives.

Actives are stuff like retinols/retinoids, aha's or lactic acids, bha's or glycolic acids, salicylic acids, and niacinamide. these are things that can damage your skin if improperly used. for me- aha's feel a little less damaging than glycolic acids. aha's and bha's are generally a once a week thing especially if you're just starting out. niacinamide help with sebum and clogged pores as well as pigmentation issues, salicilic acid is also something that kinda helps keep your skin sterile from acne causing bacteria, if you have sensitive skin introduce these very very slowly, start with niacinamide and work your way up. i apply niacinimide almost every day and everything else as needed.

next you have your eye cream- it can change based on what you want to solve, if you have fat loss around your eye (ie deep set eyebags like mine) you want to use stuff thats going to thicken the skin faster- staying away from stuff that decreases blood flow like caffeine, if you have dark circles- you want stuff that has brightening agents. if you have fine lines- then eye patches (mini eye face masks basically) and a super hydrating undereye cream will help. i tend to lean for the hydrating stuff. because i have dry under eyes, fine lines, and fat loss.

the ones ive tried are the cosrx snail peptide eye cream, the beauty of jeoseon ginsent and retinal eye cream, the mizon snail repair eye cream, the purito green level eye cream, the haru haru wonder cream the inky list retinol and caffine eye creams, the good molecules, yerba mate wake up eye gel, and the milky dress wrinkle and whitening eye cream. the ONLY ONES that i saw ANY difference with are the good molecules, milky dress, and haruharu, but the one from good molecules is adequate under makeup and the best by far and cheapest.

fat loss is one of the main reasons why you want to stay away from things like lash growth serums, there are some that claim to not cause fat loss, but tbh, seeing as the only way to fix it is via invasive cosmetic surgery- i wouldn't risk it. it's not worth it.

Next i go in with a cream. and then acne gel over top and then you're done!

So basically

shower

Toner,

hyaluronic acid/serum/hydrator

wait until skincare has absorbed,

Apply actives if you desire actives to fix issues, wait inbetween each application so that the skincare has time to sit and soak in,

You can apply your eye cream at the same time as these steps, because usually actives should not go around the eye area.

Cream, no need to wait

Acne treatment

hope that helps! i have to start my workout now~~~ good luck!

[sonny-whorezik]

haiii ... like a week short of a month since i left everything.... i just wanted to use as Journal and catch up before i do Fully return to social media, gettin rid of the app after this post yet again:

has . been . rough. grief has been consistent the last month from my best friend and now ex leaving me, losing that new job due to being physically sick from grief and being unemployed an additional month, my best best friend my dog, sage, passed away last friday and although i left to drive to kansas i just didn't make it in time. She has wind chimes over her grave and passed listening to the sound of the wind chime my great grandma left for me. two days after her passing marked the First Full Year since my grandpa passed away, i had a dream the night before where we drove around looking at christmas lights with people no longer in my life and he just looked so so sad. i am consistently physically alone; i facetime a couple friends but i go outside alone, sleep/wake up alone, eat alone, this has been going on since i left arizona in november Most of my time is spent completely alone.

ive tried new habits. i meditate and stretch in the morning and night. i read a page a day of a stoicism book my dad got me last year with a propeller hat. i see a therapist weekly, wake up earlier, even floss now. The complete back to back to back grief has left me no choice but to just Do Something. while i would Love to share something with someone its best i reserve it to myself, yet here i am vacantly sharing my last month to who knows who...

my friend invited me to see stop making sense last night in a farther town, showed the original film not the remastered and general admission was all standing and everyone acted as if it was a real concert dancing and singing. this was my 6th time seeing it in a theater. did not cry once yet celebrated the experience i have had and although i will never have anything quite like i did with someone quite like them, at least i had it for a good portion of my life. had to devote this must be the place to myself, foreign. to be completely transparent, i do miss them every day. i do not cry like i used to, i dont let myself get consumed by thought and feeling, ive grown more desensitized as time has passed, but i still miss them of course. i consistently see things that remind me of them even when theyre not on my mind and when sage died i wanted to reach out so terribly; reminisce of the fort we built where she slept with us and i had no one to talk to but my mom who was with her til the end. i didnt. i havent reached out. it is not my place given they were the one to leave i just will not keep reaching out and chasing someone who sounded so blatantly apathetic on our last phone call. i tell myself it was just a form of self preservation to them but yknow. like. that's it, i have no choice but to experience grief with self compassion and continue on, wherever that goes.

i may be starting TMS treatment , having magnets zap my brain 5 days a week, 6 weeks. i see a cardiologist on the 30th since my chest frequently hurts and both ekgs have concerns in the pause between beats. my pulse at resting is consistently around 120 yet my blood pressure is fine; who knows. well i guess ill know actually in 10 days. im finishing a vape, got a full pack of cigarettes ive yet to touch yet plan to quit smoking here soon in hopes it helps. maybe after my pack to eliminate temptation yet not waste my money... i bought it an hour before sage passed. i barely drink coffee and dont use energy drinks anymore i do what i can for my heart now.

atticus still sleeps with me, most nights. sometimes he wanders the living room when i cant sleep. im almost halfway through galapagos. i washed my sheets for the first time since buying them in august. im very much alone and this is all fine i tell myself. the stoicism has encouraged me to alter my perspective on things more rationally as opposed to the wired self deprecating and depression-based "take everything personally" thought processes ive had for 18 years. im on my phone significantly less and i even wrote a piece on piano i may share after this post. ive been transposing it to cello, my grandma requested.

i have no interest in perusing anyone anytime soon still, whether its still too early or what i think i do just Need to do these things alone for a while. ive never found sole stability in others, i learned this at 6 with my dad, yet while outside aid would help, it is not a requirement to live however. forgive me for how long this is and for leaving once again there are a few of you i used to talk to daily and now ive just got a few contacts in my phone.

despite chronic mental illness, mourning, loneliness, you name it, ive never taken this approach before. i will typically have a suicide attempt yet here i am doing a pancake stretch and ommm-ing every morning. i keep as busy as i can, today i went through every single thing i own to sort donations and the day before i deep cleaned. there is a box wrapped in a blanket of some of the things that remind me of them. i went through it today and brought out some things like the books theyve given me, it doesnt hurt as much anymore to remember. im donating the mugs i never gave them and the one theyd use at my house when theyd come over. all their letters havent been reread yet sit in between the photo of us in the cave. it was nice to see. i am so honored they let me, of all people, share these experiences with them. i am more thankful it happened then miserable itll never happen again; at least i had it for a while. i say this yet if a year passes and i hear from them, i would love to reconnect: hear how their life has been, what they've been doing, how their family is and if they are doing better. if this has helped. while for 6 years i believed they were really it for me, whether we ever dated or not ive always considered them the only one who Really Knew who i was, how i worked, you name it. although im "moving on" by taking care of myself more, it is upsetting to admit if i ever have a chance again, id take it in a heartbeat. i say this yet still believe Even if i do never get a chance, that's okay too. While i would, i dont anticipate it, rely on it, sit in denial "theyll surely come back," its alright if they never do. i live each day as if they never will yet to my core do know that i would try again

a knee ways .. i hope you, whoever reads, is doing okay, that you feel alright and what not. you dont have to feel good every day, but at the least alright i hope ... not sure if/when ill come back maybe just once a month im unsure yet .was just in a solid enough state to do this for a moment . wish you all well ,

[gillianthecat]

I had the vet put down my older cat today, the one I call Big Fat Tuxedo cat on here, though he had gotten very skinny. He was 18. I got to hold him as he passed.

A month or so ago he had blood tests that indicated heart problems and hyperthyroidism. And then he and Gillian the Actual Cat picked up a cold, probably from the boarding place, and while Gillian is fine, just sneezing a lot, I guess Big Fat Tuxedo cat's inmune system couldn't cope. He stopped eating and drinking, got very lethargic and started hiding himself away, including not coming home for 36 hours. He was scheduled to have an x-ray for his heart today anyways, but when I took him in the vet said he had developed pneumonia and was very concerned. She said I could put him on IV and antibiotics, but he was unlikely to get better in the long term, and she recommended putting him down.

It was a hard decision. I don't like having the power to decide life and death. And there were so many what-ifs running through my head: what if I had cleaned my place enough that I could have the cat sitter come instead of taking them to boarding. What if I'd taken him to the vet right away when I started getting sick last week, or at least on Saturday. What if the treatment would have worked, and he would have had a reasonably healthy 5+ years left in him?

I may have made a different decision if he'd gotten sick in three weeks, once my semester was over. Does that mean I just let him go for my convenience? Because I didn't know how I would manage taking care of him and taking him to the vet while finishing up classes and exams? I do feel some guilt over that choice. And guilt over the relief of not having to fit in his already scheduled vet appointments into all the studying I needed to do.

But perhaps the vet was right, and any treatment would just have prolonged his suffering. Eighteen years is a good long run for a cat, even if he could have lived longer.

They let me spend time with him in the exam room, and I held him for a little bit, then he wanted to go back in his carrier and lay there. He was clearly so weak and unhappy. They put in an IV port, then let me hold him in my arms as they gave him the sedative and the euthanasia drug. It was very fast acting, died almost immediately. They let me stay with his body for a while before they took him away to be cremated. I elected to have him as part of the communal cremation, rather than I private one where I could get his ashes. He'll be comingled with other pets I'm sure he would have hated in life, but maybe he'll make friends after death.

I'm back home and Gillian the Actual Cat has been cuddling on my lap.

Here's the Big Fat Tuxedo cat as a young lad of 15:

And here is my green-eyed boy at 13. I don't have that many pictures him; I tend to take very few pictures in general. He's much cuter in real life.

[wearethekingdom]

okay so I know we’ve caught up a bit but honestly, I feel like I don’t know much about how things have been with you lately and I feel bad low key :( because I’d really like to know about your life! so, what’s new with you? Doesn’t have to be anything big, but just, how’s life been lately? Are you on summer break? (I don’t know how things work outside of America </3) Have you seen any new movies or read any books or played any video games lately? This is an invitation to info dump about literally anything that interested you lately too btw :3

Omg hey bro so how you fix the problem is by messaging me /lh like if you just wanna talk about your and my life then you can message me asking and stuff, I have a friend on here and we literally just chat about our lives for like 4 hours at a time

ummmm so I went to sleep away camp or whatever ygs call it in the US for 3 weeks, its an Irish spoken one so you know I ate that up, volunteered for the youth club camp and lost a child at a theme park while doing so (we found him, he was fine) and got some horse riding back in cuz I missed out on like 5 weeks of training lol

With movies I haven't watched a whole lot cuz I've literally had like. No time. I'm seeing the Kneecap movie tomorrow with my bf which I'm very excited about and I'm gonna see I Saw The TV Glow on Monday with some friends even though it's showing kind of late at the cinema (7:45pm), tbh I'm going in completely blind with but people say it's good so I'm simply just going to watch it. I've also rewatched alot of matt damon movies because why wouldn't I? I'm still his number one fan, currently watching The Martian as we speak which I've never actually watched before, kind of disturbing but it's okay because again, it's matt damon!

What I said all those months ago about my partner will need to fight for me when it comes to matt damon? I still hold to it. Guess who my bf looks like 😐 you will never guess its totally unpredictable 😐

I have readdd The Twelfth Day of July by Joan Lingard, it's a book about this guy and girl and the guy is a cath and the girl is a protestant and how they hate eachother and its really good, I love it a lot. I also read all of Diane Olivers short stories while at irish camp, they're really good and I totally reccomend her stuff, I think you would like some of her more scary short stories, a lot of her stuff is unpublished though cuz she was died at age 22 and she really needs more recognition, like when I looked up her most famous story I couldn't even find her other stuff at all.

Games I played Alan Wake about this guy (who is an author) who goes on holiday to this island and his wife goes missing so Alan has to investigate it while this story that he doesn't even remember writing becomes a reality, there's a second one I just haven't played it yet. I played The Quarry about a group of young adult camp counsellors who have to stay one day extra before they get to go home but there's creepy stuff on the property that wants to kill them and it's so good my fave character is my profile picture, we love Dylan Lenivy.

THENNN I played A Way Out with my brother set in the same prison as Shawshank Redemption, these 2 criminals set a plan to escape prison and get their revenge on the guy who murdered one of the mens brothers and well the other one kind of gives away the whole story so I won't go into detail on that one but it's depressing, it's a little disturbing and you get attached to Leo and Vincent the main guys.

Ive just been chilling this last month before school starts again and hanging out with my friends, I was going to go to NI for a while but there's protests and people setting streets on fire so I'm not going anywhere near there for now.

But yeah that's my life, you should totally reblog this with your telling of your life I would love to hear about it!!!

[caluski]

happy 1 year anniversary to one of the best summer albums out there that ive ever known. thank you temples for creating exotico

to properly celebrate such a joyful occasion, i have decided to rank songs of the album from my least to most favorite with a tiny bit of absolutely useless commentary. lets get to it

16. Meet Your Maker.

i dont get this song. sorry!!! no fucking idea where they were going with the instrumental... its super strange. the ONLY skip on the album for me.

15. Giallo

it's okay honestly. well its fine, but nothing more than that for me. I dont exactly dislike it, chorus is just kind of strange. but in general it's not bad! just not something i feel anything in particular for.

14. Time is a Light

they tried something else with this one, but i am not sure w h a t were they going for exactly. chorus feels like an echo of gamma rays, but the rest is... well. but i do really like gamma rays so its not that bad. feels a little too long tho. what's up with the last minute feeling so... um, can this be over already?

13. Oval Stones

we're getting to the good ones!!!!! oval stones is really pleasant. i like how chill it is compared to most of the album.

12. Slow Days

again the chill one. actually i find it weird that its not the closer of the album. it would be a perfect closer! listening to it really slows you down (not in a bad way) so its strange to have oval stones + slow days followed by crystal hall. im not crazy about albums doing that, kind of throwing you off the rhythm... my perfect album order would be sorted in the way that wakes you up, and then calms you down by the end.

11. Head in the Clouds

okay, i do understand why it's after crystal hall - obvious interpolation going on there, down to the very same lyrics ("can you feel it coming down?") and i do LOVE preludes, interludes, whatever, transition tracks in albums, that is GREAT. but my issue is once again with the slow, slow, fast, slow pace again. if not slow days, i think that would also be the perfect closer.

10. Inner Space

i don't really have anything to say about this one. its good! i like it a lot! but for some reason, despite being like, in a bit of a calmer tempo, it makes me a little bit anxious. not in a bad way exactly, its just a good song for when im troubled about something.

9. Movements of Time

THIS SHOULDVE BEEN THE OPENING TRACK!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!! its literally the PERFECT opening track for this album. its SETS UP the mood. HOW IS IT A CLOSER???? and i love the ... organ sound that they have going on in this one?? its really cool.

8. Crystal Hall

oh ohhhhh this is where it starts getting really hard to rank them.... Crystal hall is really good but also really short!!! why is it so short? under 3 minutes???

7. Gamma Rays

yeah i understand why this is the most popular. i mean i dont think its the best, but yeahhhhh.... its so good. literally perfect for "soaking up the rays"!!!!

6. Cicada

a big fan of so much reverb in this one. it especially makes the album so... summer specific, reverb is so summery! maybe because of how it makes everything sound like a song played on an open air music festival.

5. Liquid Air

if it couldn't be movements of time, i understand why liquid air made it as the opener. theres the anxious vibe going on again - which i do really like, in general im enjoying the theme of this album although im not really the lyrics kind of guy. and this one, its strange because its almost 6 minutes long, but it doesnt feel too long. or repetitive.

4. Fading Actor

ouuughhhhh this one is one of my absolute faves. it actually grew on me SO much, because at first i didnt pay any attention to it. but once i got it, it hit me sooooo hard, it remained on repeat for like MONTHS after summer ended.

3/2. Exotico + Sultry Air

i cannot i CANNOT judge them separately. in my heart they come together as one. and yet, they are two different tracks, which makes me love them even more. im really obsessed with the way it is composed, just absolutely amazing. the BRIDGE is especially the reason why i adore it so much. its SO good. and then theres sultry air!!!!! its the PERFECT postlude, like literally i think my favorite postlude in any album ever. like end credits to a movie. no notes!!!!!!

1. Afterlife

yeahhhhhhhhhh the only reason i even gave the album i listen in the first place. love at first sight!!!!!!!!! absolutely stunning. love the tension building up followed by the amazing bass... and okay i do have issues with the order of this album, but i do get why they put it by the end - its a truly perfect payoff even for the weaker parts of the album. best listened to on full volume... once had the joy of listening to it on a real good quality professional speaker set and my god. its like its MEANT to be blasted from the roof of a building. god i hate the fact that its produced by sean ono lennon. it had no right to be this fucking good.

[meg2md]

When time, read: [ ] double barrel wet colostomy [ ] appendiceal cancer [ ] malignant bowel protocol [ ] May Thurner syndrome [ ] Po vs IV vs rectal vs vaginal contrast As always, so, so tired. Last "work" night of 5 weeks with a call shift tomorrow. So the night goes oncology night shift > present research @ 0930 > sleep > graduation @ 1800 > call shift.

I'm dreading the whole freaking day. My research proposal is not good. My slides are messed up. It's confusing. I think the study itself will be fine, but a 5 week night float was not the time or place to get my shit together for this. I just hope the program coordinator can find it within herself to update my slides in the morning, or else I'm fucked. And then I'm gonna get such LITTLE SLEEP before I have to go to graduation for 4 hrs and pretend to be in a good mood and socialize. At least my call shift right afterwards is normal R2 crap, antepartum/benign gynecology stuff.

To be honest covering the oncology service has been chill enough the past shift-and-half, except for when it's bad it's BAD and probably the worst service to be on. I like onc nights more than days, though, because there's not a lot of extra people and I can just sit in my little work room upstairs and be alone and read through things. It's mostly covering the OR at the end of the day shift, seeing overnight direct admits and transports, and following up vitals and miscellaneous labs, post-op checks, etc. And then sometimes people surgical emergencies, or people crump or straight up die.

So, a medicine service +/- OR time.

My first night I had two transports: a malignant large bowel obstruction iso newly diagnosed HGSOC that is being managed conservatively given its size <13 cm but also her significant neutropenia due to her neoadjuvant Avastin therapy (her prognosis.... isn't amazing), and a "frequent flier" with recurrent vulvar cancer (and the gnarliest genitourinary anatomy I've seen) s/p MULTIPLE resections, EUAs, ablations admitted with c/f sepsis in the setting of a new perirectal abscess. All things considered it went well enough but my presentations were rocky, like I'd expect them to be for a new R2, but I'm almost R3. I was flustered because they both came at the same time and the LBO made me nervous, so I felt rushed trying to get the other transport tucked in so I only had to call the attending once.

Tonight started out with the potential to be a NIGHTMARE. There were two ORs running late, an exlap followed by an EUA with one attending, and a robotic hyst with another, and then I got sign out on four (4) incoming transports, and I also had four (4) post-op checks all due around the same time. I ended up not having to go to the OR because the exlap said I don't need to scrub anyone out, the EUA was cancelled, and one of the transports came at the same time so my R3 said to see that instead of scrubbing her out.

It's a very sad case, though. I mean, all onc cases are sad, but she was with her dad which just tore at my heart. It's a woman <50 yo, no hx cancer, with 3-4 months of back pain who finally had an ultrasound and CT that showed 3 large abdominopelvic masses and widespread mets. :c She's getting omental biopsies tomorrow. We ultimately think it's appendiceal or some other gastrointestinal malignancy because her CA-125 is only about 180, which for a pre-menopausal woman is low. Another one where the prognosis is not very good.

Actually, none of these people I admitted have good prognoses. I guess that's just how gyne onc is. :-/

The other transports probably aren't coming but I'm going to try and prep them in a second. There's a pelvic fluid collection in a woman 5d s/p a hyst with a post-op course c/b May Thurner syndrome and PE s/p extensive thrombectomy now on Eliquis, another vulvar cancer patient whose left drain fell out and now there is c/f infection in addition to just general failure to thrive, and someone who probably won't come who was found to be hypokalemic apparently on outpatient labs. And then some mystery woman in her 80s that may or may not show up on the ED board with recurrent HGSOC and a GTube for gastrointestinal issues.

3 h til signout, and then I have about 2-2.5 hr to sleep and practice my presentation. I'm ready for this weekend to be overrrrrrrrrrrr

[smute]

the ios app is such a disaster honestly. idk how many posts ive made on here complaining about the performance and overheating issues but i do know that ive tried to tell @staff about them multiple times, both through apple's report an issue thingy in the app store and directly via the tumblr support page. ive been through every troubleshooting step. i cant even tell you how often i reinstalled the app. i have tested it on wifi and cellular, with 5g on and 5g off. its always the same thing. the app draws insane amounts of power whenever it is active/open, even when im not scrolling, and my phone gets warmer and warmer until it eventually shuts down with a temperature warning or gets too hot to hold in my hand

a couple weeks ago i actually upgraded to a new phone (for context: my previous one was only 2 years old, not some ancient underpowered thing, and apart from tumblr i NEVER noticed any performance/temperature issues so i wasn't really looking for an upgrade, i just got a really good offer from my carrier). the tumblr app also makes my (older) ipad overheat, so i already knew that the problem here wasn't a particular device, but given the chance i was ofc curious to see if things would improve with a newer one. they didn't 🤪

anyway i conducted a little informal experiment with the new phone to figure out exactly how bad the problem is. didn't even install the tumblr app when i first set it up, just to see how the phone would perform without buggy software (the answer is really well)

under normal usage the battery lasts for at least two fucking days. texting, playing music, surfing, fucking reading ebooks, watching youtube videos, we're talking like close to 30 hours of screen time on a single charge. SCREEN time, not standby.

on saturday morning, while using the tumblr app (and only the tumblr app), i went from 90% to 50% in TWO AND A HALF HOURS. that is insane.

like not only is it super uncomfortable to hold a piping hot thing made of glass and metal in your hands, im also genuinely concerned about the health of my battery lmao

until a few months ago i had NEVER encountered this problem, not even on my old iphone 8 that sometimes struggled with other apps as well. tumblr always worked fine. idk what they changed or which weird new feature that nobody asked for is responsible for this but something is drawing power like CRAZY and literally FRYING MY HARDWARE.

honestly its like the world's shittiest screen time reminder lmao. after 30 minutes the temperature starts to get uncomfortable and after an hour i literally have to take a break, close the app for 5 minutes and let my phone cool off. WHICH IT DOES BTW. like almost INSTANTLY. idk what else to say except that this seems to be a feature not a bug. in the sense that it happens no matter what i do

lmao sorry this turned into such a long rant. like i said, i already messaged tumblr support about it but this has been going on for months at this point and i am P I S S E D

[grasscore]

more bummer ramblings below

literally just sitting here crying my eyes out reading people's posts on the bipolar subreddit and like i dont know what to do with any of that.

i've been really scared that what i've been dealing with is addiction, because it felt like adhd impulsivity + stimulation craving but on steroids, like boosted to 100,000%

but idk the more i think about it all, it might be hypo/mania. like im basically nearing about 3 months of constantly just making connections between things in my head, sleeping for only a few hours a night, literally not doing my job, feeling extremely social but only online and completely neglecting irl relationships and responsibilities, not eating or drinking water, etc..

and some of it has been really good! like i have created some art and actually finished some shit for once whereas i usually just get really hype and start a project but never finish. so im happy about that, and i think its ok that i'm like.. trying to be more 'social' online because i work from home and because of covid don't have a ton of irl options for 'public' life. in ways it feels like an improvement to me where before i felt like absolutely 0 motivation at all, just sitting on tiktok for literally 6-10 hours per day (i basically havent even opened the app in like 2 months which felt like an improvement, but im now working WAY less even than when i was in that phase).. but the fact that this 'creative productivity and sociable/positive mood' is paired with me basically not doing my job AT ALL + not sleeping or eating, etc.. ive been feeling a little better in the past couple weeks because i thought like..maybe i have an 'addiction' or at the very least a destructive pattern so i thought the solution could be.. being mega aware of my actions at all times, meticulously tracking every hour of my day and recording what i do and making plans for every chunk of the day..which hasnt been hurting, it's helped me remember the really basic things, keeping my priorities 'straight' in theory. but every second of the day is this really uncomfortable restlessness and if i dont put my energy into a project or something that i'm excited about i feel like im crawling out of my skin.. ive been smoking like crazy. and now that ive finished my project i feel like im itching inside my skin lmao

idk especially reading people's posts on the reddit about how it's showed up throughout their life.. im just thinking about the year where i was 100% convinced that i was like.. in a simulation / samsara and that a meteor was coming.. and that i was getting visions of future iterations of the simulations thru my dreams. but i never told anyone about it because i was like,.. oh i dont actually believe these things, even though i'm terrified out of my mind thinking about them because they feel so real and if i see anything online that is slightly related to 'the simulation' or a meteor hitting earth i would spiral with paranoia and anxiety.

like i just feel like im screaming into the void in all my relationships trying to explain how out of control and scared i feel.. but everyone has just been like 'hey, it's alright, you seem fine to me, your standards for yourself are too high' and im like ok tell that to the fact i've worked maybe 5 hours a week every week for the last 3 months. like ive spent the last month pretty much terrified that im just going to keep making bad/impulsive decisions until i'm fired and/or dead

[033h]

lol super late but I got tagged by @chiveburger to do my 2022 top skincare, makeup, and fragrances!! tbh I don’t try new products super often with the exception of lip products but I love to overshare so ty for tagging <3

The ordinary 100% plant derived hemi-squalane - I don’t do much for skincare these days tbh, I have dry/sensitive skin plus eczema so I pretty much just use an oil and cetaphil if I’m lazy. I recently started going through this one I bought a while ago and it’s hydrating enough without feeling as greasy as a lot of oils.

Paula’s choice lip and body balm - I tried sooo many lip balms before finding this and it’s the only one ive used for 5+ years!! I used to use the nuxe reve de miel but the scent irritated my lips. This one is scentless and equally hydrating, and the container lasts me months even though I use it every day. If they ever stopped making it I think I would cry…

Sierra bravo deodorant in white vetiver and cedarwood - ok not skincare but I love this deodorant soo much. Don’t get me wrong I hate the military vibe but I ran out of my smith deodorant and randomly found this one for $3 on sale at uo. The scent is kind of piney kind of old spice vibes but not as strong-smelling and it’s gel-like, so it doesn’t crumble or leave marks.

Skin aqua UV essence tone up sunscreen - I’ve used Japanese sunscreens for a few years bcus they don’t feel like anything on, have high spf, and they’re affordable. I used to use the biore aqua rich, in comparison this one might leave a cast if you have darker skin since it’s not as sheer, but I think the biore one contained alcohol and irritated my skin a bit.

3CE soft matte lipstick in chill move - I never really bought pink lipsticks until this year since I have an orange/yellow undertone. I love 3CE because even their cool shades are suited to warm undertones. It’s a nice mauvy pink that doesn’t make me look dead and it’s not drying for a matte.

3CE syrup layering tint in alive pink - same as the lipstick, this pink is so cute and the formula is really comfortable. It’s somewhere between a gloss and a stain but it’s not drying like a lot of stains and not as thick as a gloss. This shade isn’t super opaque but it layers nicely and leaves my lips feeling moisturized.

Canmake colorful nails n31 lovely shower - my mom and I have always been nail polish hoarders like I’m talking salon quantities of nail polish so I’ve tried a lot... this formula is really smooth and dries quickly, and the color is soo gorgeous! it’s a fine, pearlescent glitter that looks barbie pink and reflects a gold peachy color. It also does not chip! The bottle is a little small but I think I’ll actually use all of it. I found it randomly in a jbeauty shop in SF and am going to try some of the non-glitter colors soon! 

Glossier pro tip liner - pretty much the only makeup I wear consistently is eyeliner. I almost always use felt tips but this brush doesn’t split and isn’t floppy/rectangular (like the brush cap ones). It does dry out but it lasts me the same as the stila one (~4 months) and is super thin and precise, I wish they made it in brown! 

Maison margiela replica sailing day - I just started getting into fragrances this year and out of this sample set and the boy smells one, this is the only one I really liked. It’s very gender neutral and doesn’t have any oppressively perfumey/cologney heaviness to it, and no sweetness which I hate. It’s aquatic and fresh, basically just like clean salt water.

Ok thats all this was fun even tho I feel like I don’t experiment w my products much!! I tag @macadamianutmilk​ @milfmushroomforager @tierras @lovergirl @sheis and @ieg, if you want to!

[perosp3ro]

Summary.

It was finally the day , Itto Vs kojou Sara rematch 555 ! The Finale.. !!!!!

__________________________________________

After a few months spent in the forest of Sumeru.

Lumine and her trusty companion, Paimon decided to visit and were strolling through a now peaceful Inazuma city until they encounter a familar, styled poster.

The dark, wooden poster that was attached to the rusty, white, steel post that was struggling to hold it had said :

ARATAKI NUMERO ITTO VS KOJOU (CHICKEN) SARA

ROUND 555 Finale!!

LOCATED AT KOJOU ENCAMPMENT.

5:50 pm sharp

◇◇◇

Lumine : It appears that Itto and Sara have been in alot of conflict since we were last here...

Paimon : Yea !! Last time, round 112 was still going on !!

Lumine : But this is the finale.. we need to see this !

Paimon : I was just about to ask you ^○^ !

________________________________________

While Lumine and Paimon were hurrying, Itto was receiving prep talk from his lawyer, gang member, Kuki Shinobu.

Kuki : Ok boss ! This is your big day and u -

Itto : I AM SO READYYYY-

Kuki : SHUT UP and let me speak

Itto: Sorry ma'am :(

Kuki: Ok so if you lose this.. ,which im sure you wont, you have been training for the past 3 days, but .. if you lose this I can't bail you out of jail.

Itto : WHAT !!

Ushi : MOO !!

Kuki : Yea im sorry boss but all my sweet, golden mora was spent on buying you and the gang supplies..

Itto : Well.... THATS ALRIGHT SHINOBU BECAUSE I WILL BEAT KOJOU AND SHE WILL NOT SEND ME TO JAIL AGAIN !!

Kuki : Now thats the spirit boss !

Ushi : moo :D (Do your best boss! You are literally super cool so i know you can do it.)

Itto, who somehow understands him : Thx ushi.

_________________________________________

*Kojou Encampment*

As Sara and Heizou were walking around the edifice, Heizou saw another flimsy poster that advertised the Battle.

Heizou (trying to tease Sara): I didnt think the legendary general Kojou Sara would actually accept another rematch from that idiotic oni...

Sara : Yet here we are. You cant even fathon the reason why I am agreeing to this rematch anyways.

Heizou : Woah ! Calm down General! I was joking..!

Sara : Sorry, Ive just been on edge recently.

Heizou: Nervous for the competition?

Sara: Yes... ( but not for the reason you think it is ;) )

Heizou : Dont worry Kojou, you'll be fine !

💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

The Battle Part 2 SOON.

[dufrau]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @lesbianlotties 🍻thanks bud!

1. How many works do you have on ao3? 27

2. What’s your total ao3 word count? 199,090. If only I could have padded that last thing out another 1000 words i would have hit my year end goal of 200k 😭 now i just absolutely have to post at least one thing this month thats all 🤷

3. What fandoms do you write for? just ronance

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Red & White & Blue & Gold - 715

Exile - 670

Entirely On Purpose and According To Plan - 580

Nothing But The Whole Wide World - 578

I Wish I Was The Moon - 469

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Yes! If I have ever not responded to your comment I promise it was an accident I try to respond to all of them always because I love them so much.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I'm gonna go with One Too Many Mornings (and A Thousand Miles Behind) even though theres one thats definitely SADDER but I feel like this one is specifically ANGSTIER.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Honestly contrary to what many would have you believe, most of what i write has a happy ending! I guess Entirely On Purpose, maybe? That one just feels good at the end.

8. Do you get hate on fic? Not to my face!

9. Do you write smut? Yeah. I love it and I hate it. It's the hardest thing to write for me but also for some reason the thing I tend to fall back on when Im having trouble writing other things.

10. Do you write crossovers? Not so far. Ive written an AU but its not actually a crossover, really?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of 🤞

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Also not that I know of

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No. I think conceptually this could be fun if we had a good premise, each writing one POV. But I would only try it with like a very small handful of people who first of all I vibe with but second of all who I would trust to actually write their part.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? I mean. Ronance.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t? I think I'll finish all of my WIPs. I don't have a lot and they're mostly gonna wind up being short so it's just a matter of doing it 🤷

16. What are your writing strengths? Hoo boy. Dialogue, I think? And like atmosphere, setting the scene, establishing a sense of place kind of stuff?

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Plot. And run-on sentences.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? If it makes sense it's fine. But I think a lot of people think it makes sense when it doesn't actually make sense? Basically if a character doesn't switch between languages often in canon it feels weird to have them do it in fic, in my opinion. It's like making up nicknames that dont exist in canon, it just pulls me out of the story.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Glee 🙃 But all evidence of that has been erased.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? My Piece of Land no doubt about it. i am so proud of it i will be bragging about it on my deathbed.

you're tagged if you want to be tagged, i will not gatekeep bragging about your fics! if you want to please do it!

[quietwingsinthesky]

for the fic writer asks!!

5, 9, 13, 15, 29?

hi hi aayo!!

[questions were here]

5. So, a while back, I was spitballing with my friends about Pokemon Black/White & the sequel, because I love those games, those are my childhood Pokemon games, and the story is so close to brilliant I can taste it. It would just need a little touching up, I swear, adjust a motivation here, add some more scenes there... But see the thing is, doing that would take. A While. and I just don't think I have the patience to do a full rewrite of a Pokemon game from 2010 so it'll probably remain an idea.

9. Yes! I do! I try to do a few hundred words a day, every day. Depending on how bad my depression is, I can be pretty consistent about it and get a lot done. And I did manage to do a little today for that nsfw lucifer/raphael fic I'm working on! Let's see here. Ahem. "Waiting, a front of perfect obedience betrayed by how hard he’s clenching his hands together behind his back to keep from touching himself." :) I am. doing things. to luci.

13. It depends on the fic. Some of them, I want to say Last Call and could have been anyone, anyone are good examples, start writing themselves in my head with absolutely no warning, and I have to jump to the nearest thing to jot down the sentences before they disappear forever. Others, like Honey, Don't Feed It, have literally been turned over in my brain for more than a year, twisted and changed until I've gotten a fic I actually like out of it.

15. Sometimes it's a song title, sometimes it's a line from the fic, sometimes it's 'it is 4am when im posting it and ive already typed up the fucking tags and the summary and i am so so tired whats the closest noun i can think of' and then i slap it on there and call it a day.

29. asjklajdksld my first thought was 'oh you know what fine i'll post what i had of that samifer fic before it gets deleted but uh It Is Literally Entirely Porn. so lets. lets go with something a little more PG, yeah? Not exactly polite of me to throw smut at you without asking.

So instead, have this bit from the original draft of my next Sarah/Lucifer/Nick fic that got cut because I switched the pov character from Sarah to Nick for. Reasons.

Sarah has had a lot more time to paint in the last few months. Enough that muscle memory she thought lost has slowly reappeared, making her hand steadier. Her art hasn’t become more neat as a result, but it has grown purpose in its mess. Her mother always wished she’d take after her grandmother and paint lush green forests and pretty meadows, but Sarah’s brushes led her down a different path. Intricate strokes litter the paper, testing to see how close she can bring the painting to the being curled around her spine before it devolves into a jumbled mess. Lucifer is not an easy muse. Sarah hasn’t managed to paint a piece that does her justice yet.

This one is barely recognizable as anything, more abstract than Sarah’s committed to in a long time. A lot of her paintings of Lucifer start somewhere she understands, with Nick’s face or her own, fragmented to better show the angel that lives inside them, openings in the skin like bloodless wounds through which eyes and feathers and teeth peek through. Someone else might find them terrifying. Nick thinks her paintings of Lucifer are beautiful. Lucifer, of course, is flattered and amused. She watches Sarah paint, enthralled the same way Nick mentioned her being the day he built Teddy’s crib. She hasn’t asked for a turn at the brushes yet, but Sarah hopes she does one day, if only so they can see what she’s capable of creating.

Sarah stretches. There’s no satisfying pop to her spine as she uncurls from her art, but in exchange, there’s also no lingering soreness from staying in one position for too long. Lucifer’s grace pulses, buried somewhere deep, utterly content. Sarah shuts her eyes as though she could listen to her.

Instead, Sarah hears a cry from the other room. She lets her head tilt towards the clock on the wall. It’s been a while since she put Teddy down for a nap. Lucifer is on alert the moment the sound hits Sarah’s ears. She’s still not used to the simple fact that sometimes, babies cry, and it doesn’t mean the world is about to end. Impossible to fathom wings flex under Sarah’s skin. Sarah suppresses a chuckle into a small smile and sets her paintbrush down. It rolls to join its brethren of various sizes, the only commonality between them all the teethmarks at the tip where Sarah chewed when she got frustrated or distracted. Lucifer’s wings flap, a wave of power rolling through Sarah’s body that’s asking one question, whether they can fly to the nursery rather than take the minute long walk there. Sarah lets her consent echo back through Lucifer, bracing herself.

Flight is a cacophony. Flight is like learning what it is to be a photon and forgetting again as her body hits the ground, human toes curling against the fuzz of the nursery carpet. Lucifer recovers like they’ve taken a brisk walk up the stairs. Sarah needs a minute more, as though she’s been thrown under the waves at the beach and needs to figure out which direction is up in order to stand. In his crib, Teddy turns his head to look at them, brown eyes seeking his mother, and when he knows she’s there to hear him, he scrunches up his face and starts crying again.

It’s Lucifer that takes them the first few steps to the crib, but Sarah who reaches down and picks Teddy up.

“Hey, hey, fussy,” she says softly to him, “shh, we’re here now.” Teddy cries out one more time, like he’s making sure she’s not going to put him down and leave once he’s quiet. Sarah rocks him.

“We’re here,” comes another voice from her mouth, still hesitant but less than it has been in a few months. Lucifer raises Sarah’s hand to pet a line down Teddy’s forehead. There’s no more than the ambient hum of her grace beneath Sarah’s skin, but between being held by his mother and watched over by his guardian devil, (Sarah’s mouth curls at the thought, and she can’t tell if it’s her or Lucifer reacting.) he quiets. He keeps frowning, scrunched up eyes and a wrinkled forehead. “Hello, Theodore,” Lucifer says, and it’s at Sarah’s prodding that she finally says, “Teddy.”

He’s a baby, Sarah teases, no need to be so formal.

Names mean something, comes the quick counter.

And this one means you love him. Lucifer hums, finger still drifting in absent circles over Teddy’s face. Teddy latches onto it when it’s near his mouth, and Lucifer freezes. Sarah laughs, and with control of her body falling back to her, it comes out without a care in the world. Teddy makes a frustrated noise when she pulls her finger away.

“That’s better than you needing a diaper change,” Sarah tells him. Teddy babbles at her, sounds that are beginning to have more distinct shapes but mean nothing at all. She’s going to have to put him back down to undo her button-up, or would have to, only Lucifer proves for the hundredth time how much easier parenting is with divine power backing them up. Sarah shifts Teddy around in her arms, enduring the tiny beat of an impatient hand against her chest, until she has him comfortably settled to feed.

He seems so small in her arms. He’s growing fast and will continue to for years and years, a prospect both terrifying and exciting.

It’s a short enough walk to her and Nick’s bedroom from the nursery, and she’s careful not to jostle Teddy while he nurses. There, she can settle down comfortably against the pillows, the blankets tucking themselves up around her legs despite her not reaching for them. It doesn’t do much against the ever-present chill, but Sarah doesn’t want that to go away. Besides, they bundle Teddy up warmly enough.

She does wonder sometimes what it’ll be like as he gets older. If his first words will be ‘dada’ or ‘mama’ or something else entirely, a string of syllables that seem like gibberish to her and Nick but mimic the language that Lucifer sometimes speaks to him off-handedly, the one that makes Sarah’s ears feel like they might pop from pressure if she listens for too long, the one that Teddy reacts to with kicking feet and responsive babbling. If one day Sarah will get teachers telling her about Teddy’s imaginary angelic friend who raised him, both those impressed that he could come up with something so elaborate and those worried that the angel in question is Lucifer herself. Maybe the funniest thing Sarah can imagine is if Nick ever takes little Teddy to church and what kind of menace they might unleash with a child who loves the devil like a mother. That, if it ever happens, is a long ways off, and until then, Lucifer is still the secret held between the three of them.

“You think he’ll still like me,” Lucifer says, dipping her hand into the stream of Sarah’s thoughts, welcomed but nibbled at by the fish that think she really should have asked permission first. Maybe a little hypocritical when Sarah has already let her in, “when he grows up.”

There is, always, this expectation of rejection that lingers in Lucifer’s words. A surprise when she finds connection instead that breaks Sarah’s heart.

“You look after him. You sing to him. You feed him.” Sarah looks down at Teddy, who takes his fill and rests his tiny fist against her skin. This caretaking is a communal effort, after all. “Of course he’ll love you.”