#and joe is a goddamn amazing actor

[heretherebedork]

Joe's such a good man. He's just a genuinely good guy who just wants to be loved for who he is, as he is, not as a stand in and not as something pretend, not as nothing but a back.

Poor Joe just wants to be loved for himself but instead the world doesn't even know he exists even if they've seen on their screens a million times.

Yep.

I mean, literally, yep.

Ming literally losing his mind and kidnapping Joe just to keep him away from Sol because he's so jealous and controlling but also so hurt and so damaged that he doesn't know any other way to express this hurt and jealousy and betrayal but literal kidnapping because anything less would just leave him feeling hollow.

[randomjreader]

Woke up today to see all the shit that happened on hstwt, and can I just say: what the fuck? This whole situation got so goddamn out of hand, and now another cast member has been bullied off a social media platform.

I understand what Bash's comments may have sounded like, and I'm not about to invalidate what SA survivors may have felt when they read that. HOWEVER, why was everyone immediately jumping to the worst conclusions?? Especially given Bash's track record of being a genuinely good person, why was everyone so quick to assume the worst of him? And more importantly, the extreme reactions to what he said? Death threats??? There is a difference between holding someone accountable and being a fucking bully. This applies to literally any case of holding a celebrity accountable: call them out, but do it in a way that's respectful with the intention to actually make them learn from their mistakes, instead of fucking death threats! Like seriously, does this make you a better person than them or something? Are people actually riding on their moral high horse for saying horrible things just because they THINK a celebrity messed up? We as netizens never ever know the full story when it comes to situations like these; words very often get miscommunicated, and we all need to wake up and stop immediately jumping to conclusions and going to extremes. This kind of culture is extremely damaging to so many people, not just the celebrity in question.

I've also heard that apparently, people are still mad even when Bash clarified himself? He literally did what Kit did all those months ago, spoke up and cleared up the misconceptions, and yet people are still finding fault. What more do you want from the man? It was badly phrased and misinterpreted by fans, which was out of Bash's control, and he stepped up and made sure everyone knew what he actually meant. He saw the mistake and corrected it, so what exactly are "fans" still looking for? If this one mistake of bad phrasing is ruining your image of Bash, you are literally disregarding all the good Bash has done, and feeding into the extremely toxic cancel culture that basically pushes the idea that public figures are not actual people, just objects for your own entertainment for you to love and hate as you please.

Finally, let's talk about Joe. OF COURSE Joe is gonna defend Bash, we all know that they're close as hell, and if Bash if being hounded for something that Joe knows was not done with malicious intent, why wouldn't he support him? The fact here is, Joe did nothing wrong, he was sticking up for his friend. And what did toxic hstwt fans do? Bully him off the app. There wasn't even any arguments of substance (not that there would be because he DID NOTHING WRONG), people just immediately took his action as a thinly veiled excuse to bully him on things like his looks. HIS LOOKS. Literally, just say you're a fucking bully and move on, because you're just finding a reason to bully him under the guise of having the moral high ground or some shit. Honestly, I'm GLAD that Joe left twitter, because (and I've said it before) that environment is extremely toxic, and I think he'd be a lot happier getting off an app that constantly targets and hates him. Joe is an incredible Charlie, and it's horrible that he keeps on getting hate for it, despite everything he has done for the community because he plays Charlie.

If you're part of this whole hstwt drama, the people that hated on Joe and Bash for no damn reason, don't call yourself a fan. You're not. You're just giving real heartstopper fans a bad image and bullying the actors who have brought this amazing world to life for us. Do better.

[asm5129]

Flash thoughts 9x05

BATWOMAN IS BACK BITCHES

God it’s great to see Javicia back in the suit. 

Red Death was fantastic this episode, though I’m actually a little upset we got so much of Red Death Ryan and so little of OUR Ryan. Don’t get me wrong it was amazing to see Javicia back in the Arrowverse at all, and she killed it as red death, but i just wish we got more of a Flash/Batwoman team-up. Kinda feel a little cheated on that.

Also didn’t Ryan literally DISAPPEAR ON PATROL? What the hell happened to that? she’s just back suddenly and we don’t know why she disappeared or where she was. She wasn’t captured by Red Death, she just disappeared for a few weeks then just...reappeared? And there’s no details on why or how or where she was? the hell? 

Still, Red Death was super threatening--though they should have directed Javicia to stay calm more, i think she regularly came off far more threatening calm. And man, that goddamn voice changer. I don’t like that at all. To take away the voice AND face really hurts the actors ability to act. It’s worked for Thanwe and Zoom, and Savitar a little bit, but beyond that it’s lost all appeal for me. 

Honestly I’m just kinda shocked the Red Death storyline seems to be over? I was kinda under the impression she’d be a season long Big Bad, due to how the Graphic Novel format--where the season is split into two or even three major arcs/threats, rather than a single one--was created to make sure over the course of 22 episode seasons they would avoid another Cicada situation, where a villain ends up feeling that their time as a threat has been artificially extended past the time it feels like Team flash should have a handle on things. It was a fantastic call for 22 episode seasons, but I’ll be honest I did not think they would continue that in a 13 episode season. Red Death was definitely great, and this was a great last episode that really sold her threat level, but it does feel like this whole thing happened awfully quick. Luckily she IS just over in Iron Heights, so her story probably isn’t COMPLETELY over.

My initial thoughts about the line “Justice will be served” line paid off pretty damn well though. shouldn’t have given her the I Am Vengeance line. I get that this is Ryan Wayne and that’s an iconic Batman line, but in her mind this is not about vengeance, and that’s a really interesting concept i wish was explored more. Ah well. C’est la vie.

I’m assuming Red Death’s telepathic powers were artificial like her speed, since she said she spent tons of time studying her enemies abilities and working to replicate them. Wish it was clarified though, cuz it was weird to see Red Death with powerful psychic abilities all of a sudden when they weren’t there before. 

Or just make it all Grodd? Rather than giving Ryan psychic abilities he boosted, maybe just make him the source of the psychic stuff that she used in her plan. Regardless, not the worst thing ever, just a little weird.

Speaking of Grodd, he makes his grand return here, and i think it’s pretty solid! I don’t think forgetting about Grodd was his BIGGEST mistake--there’s a lot of contender' for that spot, this doesn’t even crack Top Five--so that was a weird line. BUT I do like how he’s used as a way to get Barry to reflect on his form of heroism, and have faith that Grodd is no longer who he used to be. Find it a little weird he questioned whether the Rogues were able to change? I dunno it just felt a little artificial for Barry to question his ability to bring out the good in people this far in, but i do like (most of) the talk he had with Joe. So happy these kinds of emotional, inspirational talks are so much rarer, two seasons ago they were happening every 5 minutes and they lost any impact because of it. This instead let both Barry and Joe reflect on their relationships to and impacts on one another, and it’s very sweet. And i do like the decision he comes to in order to raise Jenna safely, but not take away Cecile from her rise into heroism or abandon his family.

Regardless, it all works quite well, and Grodd giving Barry the speed back he gave him three years ago was a fun detail. Plus tying it into the continued fallout of Crisis was a nice touch. 

Allegra and Chuck are FINALLY official so it’s nice to have that story done after building it up for so long, though there’s not much time to explore that so we’ll see what comes next for them.

And the weirdness with Khione kept up this week, which seemingly is going to lead directly into next week!

All in all, pretty solid episode. Some pretty large flaws, but not unforgivable ones. 

I’d probably rate the Red Death Arc 5 out of 10 if i had to put a number on it, but that’s mainly because it was only 5 episodes and don't really have the time to do itself justice rather than the fact that it was actually mediocre. 

oh yeah and Iris is pregnant early

[gonuclear]

y’know i love sk8 the infinity as an anime and i love the characters in it so goddamn much, but i also think that it serves as a really good representation of a whole generation, and especially the queer subgroups of that generation (as well as the intergenerational alliances queer youth + adults share).

like, you can definitely tell that reki and langa are both neurodivergent. reki screams burnt-out gifted kid that never realized they had adhd, while langa fits into the archetypal quiet kid who probably has undiagnosed autism. they reflect two groups of people in gen z who have found themselves and their communities on the internet, and have by extension bonded with each other over those shared experiences. not only that, but both boys represent the complex feelings of discovering that hey, you might just be in love with your best friend. (they also do, in my opinion, a really good job at showing the highs and lows of that in a way that never quite veers into the overly-dramatic.)

i remember in the q&a twitch stream a couple weeks ago that joe’s voice actor jonah scott said that reki and joe’s relationship had the quality of an older person in the queer community taking a younger person coming into their identity under their wing to let them know that their feelings were completely valid and nothing to be ashamed of. not only did i totally get the same feeling myself, but it really made me think about how amazing it was that they included that part of discovering your identity in your later teen years.

speaking from experience gen z is one that has been raised to, as much as they can be, be proud of who they are and how they identify, because most of the older ones were raised by parents who had to deal with boomer bigotry. and not only did most of our parents teach us that, but the internet opened up a world of connections to people like us, people who were there to tell us that everything we were feeling was okay, like joe was for reki.

(also a little aside about miya—he definitely reminds me of a lot of the younger gen z kids i’ve seen popping up on the internet lately. they tend to be hyper-involved in internet culture and have a wildly different way of interacting with their peers than older gen z-ers, despite the fact that they’re all in the same generation. they have a sense of entitlement that we don’t, since most of them have always grown up in a society with internet and advanced technology, unlike the older half of the generation.)

i think what makes sk8 such a hit, and what will probably make it a queer cultural touchstone anime like yuri on ice, is that no matter where you are in life or how you identify, you can find some part of yourself in the amazing ensemble cast. maybe you see your younger self in reki or langa, or the way you are now in joe or cherry (or even shadow), but you can find some piece of it that resonates with you. that connects you to and invests you in the story. and i think that it’s stories like this that create something beautiful and long-lasting.

[tehcoop]

I am an old. I'm an old, old fandom lurker wandering from one fandom to the other for the past (oh God) two decades. I've read in everything from Gundam Wing in my (not that) delinquent high school years to Due South to Stargate Atlantis, Harry Potter, Star Wars, yadda yadda yadda, on and on up to The Witcher, most recently. 

And then The Old Guard.

Guys... Guys.

This movie smacked me in the face and shook me to my core. It was everything I've never known I wanted in an action movie because it just never occurred to me that it might exist. Two female leads! One of them is black! Eighty. Five. Percent female representation behind the scenes. 85%! Amazing character beats. Everyone has their own arc and motivations. No stereotyping. It's just beautiful.

And then there's Joe and Nicky. 

I have never related so hard to characters or to a relationship in my life. I love my badass immortal husbands so much. It's ridiculous. I could gush for hours. I'm nothing like them, of course. I identify as a mostly straight, mostly cis, so white I reflect sunlight (though I hope I'm at least an ally to BIPOC) woman. There's nothing particularly badass about me. But I still relate like hell to these characters. 

I love to laugh like Joe, and completely understand his protective instincts. And then there's Nicky. I relate to him more than any character I can think of currently. I'm introverted and can be kind of intense, but I'm also patient, kind, and nurturing. And if anyone does anything to hurt my family, especially my kids, I can rip you apart with just my words. (Seriously, I think my mother in law is afraid of me now after she got a talking to when I called her out for being shitty to my spouse. Our relationship is Much Better now). 

Most importantly, I am deeply in love with my wonderful spouse who happens to be a trans woman. 

And guys, I'm angry.

Remember, I'm an old. I've been searching for scraps hinting at any kind of queer love story in all kinds of media for decades. And I'm angry because I shouldn't have had to. 

I shouldn't have to read into a maybe not on purpose significant glance. I shouldn't have gotten excited when two characters grabbed each other in anger because clearly they're so in love. I shouldn't have been delighted when an actor bit his lip to hint at a love story in film, or that a writer said that a character was gay years after the books were written. I made myself believe that those little bits of subtext were enough and somehow better than getting it outright because then we can tell our own stories, right guys? I preferred reading fan fiction because I could think of the hot guys I wanted to pair up in the way I wanted. I even stopped watching a lot of gay movies because they were always so sad and full of strife, and I just couldn't relate to them. I just wanted my fluffy romantic comedies. Fan fiction was literally the only place that I could see any kind of healthy queer relationship.

Which is how I got to be almost forty and still identifying as mostly straight even though I'm in a queer as hell relationship. In each of these canon stories, the character's sexuality was part of the conflict, and I was never particularly conflicted about mine. I just liked who I liked and craved a healthy, stable relationship. Or when I did see characters like Klaus in Umbrella Academy (who I love) who is comfortable with their sexuality, he's also so fantastically ridiculous that I can only laugh or cringe at him. I enjoyed many of these stories, but still related more to the Jane Austen heroines I saw in straight stories even while I preferred to chill by reading about say... John and Rodney accidentally making a baby or something.

And then Joe and Nicky come along. And they're beautiful. They're a goddamn interracial, interfaith, committed, happy, unkillable gay couple. In canon. They are the most married. They're 900 plus years of married. Their sexuality and relationship are incredibly important to who they are and to the story without being the conflict of the story. Or without being a walking stereotype of one thing or other. Instead, you have two men casually stating their love for each other, blatantly declaring it, cuddling, and kissing all while they each have their own stories, skills, and motivations. 

I have literally never seen that before. Except at home, in my own house, where my spouse and I get to be our own people, but then support each other, tease each other, and cuddle at the end of the day. It was beautiful to see something that reflected the kind of love I always wanted and now get to have. In canon, on screen. Seeing Joe and Nicky's love makes me so deliriously happy that I'm incredibly angry I've never seen anything like that on screen before. Just imagine what it would have been like seeing that kiss in a crowded theater.

So why am I writing this? Because this movie is important. It's so goddamn important. I'm so happy it exists. And I want you all to know the actual weight of all the years of going without characters like this. What it means to say that I'm furious that I've never seen this before after decades of searching. How ridiculous it is that I still identify as mostly straight possibly because I've never really seen nuanced, flawed, real queer characters before. Instead, I've imagined and created evidence of gay relationships from nothing while ignoring the awful canon hetero relationships my favorite shows have forced on us. All while still unironically sighing over Mr Darcy and Clueless. I'm tired, y'all.

I want to see all the stories with all the people in various configurations. Romances, action, sci fi, fantasy, everything. The Old Guard did it. And they did it well. I'm done with the queer baiting. I don't think I can look at many of the fandoms I have loved throughout the years the same way again. I'm incredibly grateful to Gina Prince-Bythewood, Greg Rucka, Marwan Kanzari, Luca Marinelli, and the rest of the cast and crew for bringing me these already beloved characters. It's so refreshing to finally get what I've really wanted all these years. Representation absolutely fucking matters. 

And now? I'm gonna go back to being a lurker. I'll read all the Old Guard fanfiction I can. I'll watch all the movies, read all the comics because I want more stories like this, dammit. I'll probably go back to giggling over and overanalyzing little character moments in all kinds of fandoms again. Mostly, I'll just go back to quietly taking care of my little family. And I might post something again in another couple of decades when my kids are off to college. And God, do I hope it doesn't take another couple decades to get more characters like this. I hope that my kids get all kinds of stories I never did growing up so that they can figure out who they are and who they relate to before they're almost forty frigging years old. It's about goddamn time.

Thank you for listening to my TED talk.

[hey-op-just-kill-me]

I COMPLETELY forgot to mention anything about Nicky and Joe

Just THEM. I love them so much. Have you ever seen such a sweet relationship? Because I haven't. Like they're just so in love and it's the cutest goddamn thing I've ever seen. They're so cute it hurts. Like literally when Joe was giving his little speech in the prison van thing I was in the biggest mouth-agape smile that my jaw started hurting. That scene alone had me excitedly rolling around oddly like an armadillo? (ignore the fact that I just typed 'what are the desert roly poly animals called' into Google to find that) but yeah that scene was everything ever need

Ahh right that scene is so freaking amazing, just Joe and Nicky as a whole makes me love them. Plus the scene when they are getting on the plane is completely adlibbed between the two actors, they really put a lot of thought and details into their characters. And Andy and Quinn’s montage about their relationship!!!

[coffeebeannate]

thoughts on the old guard characters? (a long one I know lol)

HO BOY.

I LOVE long asks when I have the braincells! *He says, as if he ever has braincells*

ANYWAY.

I’m going to go with just the movie for now, since I’ve only read the first volume of the comics yet and there’s definitely some changes.

This post is long, so I put all my brain rambles beneath the cut.

I also cheated and only did the Guard themselves for some brevity, if you want extensions with Copley, etc. I’ll do a part two :)

Andy/ Andromache the Scythian

ANDY. ANDY. ANDY ANDYYYYYYYYYYY.

I love her. I love her SO MUCH. I regret that I never really explore her as much as I want to. Because there is just SO MUCH THERE. There is so much to work with, to explore to understand and to see. I adore her. She’s jaded, but she’s also clearly somewhat passionate in her own way. Something has kept her going this long. She loves her family. She is at her most open and honest and vulnerable with her family! 

The world gets a facade, her calm, collective glance of ‘I don’t give a fuck but I actually do give a fuck but letting you know I give a fuck makes things complicated’. But when she’s with Nicky and Joe, (and Booker), she’s laughing, she’s enjoying their company. She looks so happy and instantly relaxes and I JUST!!

I love that she’s not some 19 year old (possible ageism). I love that they let a 45 year old actress play a character who is clearly over 30 and very much badass. The whole ‘only young women or very old women in movies’ trope is so old, so overdone. (And I’m still salty about this person who said it’s bullshit to see ‘grandma Charlize beating up men twice her size’, as if Liam Nesson doesn’t do just that in his seventies BUT ANYWAY).

Andy is SO multilayered. She’s clearly struggling, and she’s angry and cynical and OH so fucking tired, but she’s still VERY LOVING. She cares about Nile, she cares about her family, she CARES. She’s allowed to be upset! She’s allowed to be ugly emotionally (as they might say it in Hollywood, ffs), she’s allowed to be angry and happy and sweet and she has agency and vulnerability and I JUST LOVE THAT.\

She can also step on me I mean what.

ANYWAY.

Nile Freeman

NILE. NILE MADAM. 

Nile is just a MARVEL. She’s sweet. She’s caring. She has ALL the heart and takes NONE of the shit!! There’s so much to her. She’s devoted (I really love that she’s religious, and that the movie doesn’t take this away from her, regardless of things that happen). I love how utterly devoted she is. I love that she’s able to retain so much of her own personal autonomy, AND that she’s both scared and confused, but also SECURE. 

Nile doesn’t know WTF is happening. First kill in the Marines, very sudden death, you have a brand new family? Oh, you also can’t see your family again? Your mother and brother? Oh and this lady with the bizarre name has effectively kidnapped you so you can’t be shipped to a lab in Germany? THE FUCK.

Kiki does such a MAGNIFICENT job too! Like the amount of emotions she conveys!! All of Nile’s confusion, anger, upset. Hurt. How throughout all this, she’s shown as street smart! Clever! ADPATABLE.

Nile  becomes something ‘new’ but retains her original personality entirely. And I LOVE that. She is young, but she isn’t babied. She’s allowed to be guided without being considered infantile. She’s allowed to be here whole self and it’s SO GOOD.

Also, you wake up in a Humvee in the desert and your first instinct is to kick the back end out and roll away? And then stab your kidnapper?? AMAZING.

I love that she’s an art nerd. I love her enthusiasm, I love her heart. I love her cleverness. I love how she can be a bit “wtf’ but also flat out doesn’t take ANYONE’S bullshit EVER.

“We’re not going to Paris” HELL MA’AM GUESS WE ARE NOT. 

Sebastien Le Livre/ Booker

(Rucka once again I ask you, was that name only for the punning? Because I love puns to but cmon)

So..Booker.

I’m..I’m not neutral, but I tend to not think about him much beyond what is necessary. I think I’d feel that my thoughts on him are ‘complicated’ so I’ll keep his section short. I WILL say that his character is VERY well written. Booker cannot be called a flat character. And maybe I’m naive, but my first time watching the movie? Yeah, totally goddamned BLINDSIDED. And I give the movie a LOT of credit for that. 

Maybe smarter people saw it coming, but I sure didn’t. So hey, kudos.

I understand him. I understand his motivations. And for a person suffering from that kind of depression, the toxic sabotaging kind, yeah. It’s well done. His motives are..his motives. I’ll probably not ever know what it feels like to outlive your children. But lots of my family members did. I get how it destroys you.

However, Booker needs help. And it’s on Booker, IMO, to get that help, outside of his family. Because he hurt them. He hurt them badly. It’s not the kind of thing you just come back from.

Consider my attitude..curious.

Joe/Yusuf Al-Kaysani

I can’t make this too long I can’t make this too long I can’t-

JOE. Is a MARVELOUS MAN. He’s soft. He’s artistic. He’s strong and sweet and his entire face lights up like the actual honest to god sun that he IS. I love how much he loves. I love how compassionate he is. I love his passion. His soft voice. His kind caring attitude.

BUT AS A FLIP SIDE.

I love how badass he is. I go slightly feral from the bullet spitting ‘very pissed off’. DARLING, NO KIDDING. I love how he’s just got this kinda hidden swag element. He is so clearly the life source of every room he enters. Show stealer. He’s the one that makes people feel comfortable immediately. With charm and boastfulness. With just such great WARMTH. Joe feels like a fireplace. You just want to curl up with him.

He cares so much about the world. His husband. His family.

THE SPEECH??

Imagine someone LOOKING AT YOU THAT WAY. No wonder Nicky is downright wavering on us. I’D FAINT.

Joe seems to love the world around him so much. And yeah, okay, he holds out with  justified anger. (I SUPPORT THIS ANGER), but he’s also clearly affectionate. He’s open with his love. Joe literally wears his heart on his sleeve. You KNOW how Joe is feeling at all times. Because Joe can’t hide it. And if you have his love and friendship, you have it forever.

Joe could do audiobooks. Joe could paint museums full of paintings. 

And those curls? Best. Incredible.

Marwan made Joe into such an incredible character I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOUR SIR I LOVE HIM.

Nicky/ Nicolò di Genova

Ahhh Joe’s other half. Man of few words, but when those words come out they cut and say so DAMNED MUCH. And what isn’t said vocally is always said with a look, a smile. MICRO EXPRESSIONS THAT SPEAK THE WORLD.

Nicky seems like such an aware character. Nicky is the type that makes very conscious decisions every single day. Be kind. Daily. This is not the type of man who does anything lightly. I feel like Nicky is a calculated sort, but with EVERYTHING. Because he KNOWS that your presence in this world makes an impact. He knows how important being self-aware is. He feels so lucky and grateful to be with Joe and his family at all times.

I LOVE HIS SNIPING. I love his outfits! I love how intense and sweet and compassionate he is. I feel like he has some little shit energy. Doing something slightly devious? Probably. Having ideas just because? Damned right! I can only imagine how much dry teasing Joe has endured over the centuries. Because Nicky is just so raw and clever. You can never be entirely sure what he’s thinking, perhaps. Joe can read him like a book, but I think anyone else might be finding themselves looking a touch harder. Just in case.

I love Luca’s accent! I love how competent Nicky is! He loves Joe just as openly too, and I adore it??

“The love of my life was the people I’ve been taught to hate” THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE! AND THAT TINY SMILE! THE SMILE OF A THOUSAND WORDS.

Quynh

Boss. I want more immediately. I NEED MORE.

Lykon

RIP we barely knew ya.

Final Thoughts:

I LOVE THESE CHARACTERS SO MUCH.

I love that we got ALL THIS.

In TWO DAMNED HOURS.

I love the thoughts the actors put forth. I love how dedicated everyone was to this movie. I love how there’s so much from what could have gone so wrong.

I LOVE THEM!!

[michaelsheenfucks]

What are some good Michael Sheen movies you'd recommend? I'm watching Midnight in Paris tonight and I'd love to start watching more (and yes, I know Sheen is only a side character in that movie)

Michael Sheen movies that I’d recommend.... well I should start by saying I feel like he is an amazing actor that is often cast in movies that are not as good as his acting. So perhaps I will list them in movies that I have found to be my favorite based on watchability of the film overall and Michael Sheen’s role in it (forgive me if I am disparaging of some films, I am very critical of cinema for a myriad of reasons. )

1. Home Again- His role is also small in this but I love this movie with my whole heart because it is a very specific genre of film they don’t really make anymore and he is hilarious and gets to wear sweatpants in this movie. 11/10 sheens 6/10 stars for the film

2. Rise OF The Lycans (aka Underworld 3)- He is a kinky sex god in this movie. I have a soft spot in my heart for genre movies like this. 17/10 sheens 6.5/10 stars for the film.

3. Underworld (the first one)- Brooding misunderstood Lucian is going to make you fucking cry. 10/10 sheens 7/10 stars.

4. Kenneth Williams: Fantabulosa!- He absolutely disappears into this biographical film role. I’ve never watched anything with Kenneth Williams in it but I don’t doubt he is doing a spot-on rendition of the man. This movie will fucking break your goddamn heart. 9/10 sheens 7.5/10 stars

5. The Damned United- Great for pensive Sheen. This movie has that gif of him licking his lips that goes around occasionally. Great for Sheen on his knees and in swim trunks and short shorts and yelling. 12/10 sheens 5.5/10 stars.

6. Far From The Madding Crowd- Period clothing and the thickest head of hair I’ve ever seen. Thank you for this delicious brooding meal. Movies is gorgeous but too slow or me. 11/10 sheens 5/10 movie. 

7. Laws Of Attraction- Do you like Billie Joe Armstrong? Do you want Michael sheen to play his and Mick Jagger’s lovechild? Boy have I got a role for you. 13/10 sheens 3/10 stars (this movie is a travesty. the costumer should apologize to julie anne moore to this DAY. I’ve never seen her look so frumpy in my life and she is my biggest celebrity crush.) 

8. The Special Relationship- Ugh. To say Dennis Quaid’s Clinton is appalling is an understatement. I really struggled with this film. But Michael Sheen is good. 7/10 Sheen. 2/10 stars for this film. Why why why.

9. The Queen- Or as I call it- THE REAL SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP. You could watch this one instead for his Tony Blair routine. This is the most british movie I’ve ever seen because it’s literally about deciding whether or not to show feelings. 9/10 sheen. Nevermind. You get full bathtub in this movie. 100/10 for the bathtub scene. 9/10 for the movie. 

Movies I watched because he was in them and I would recommend you just find the clips on youtube:

Tron: Legacy 

Passangers 

New Moon, Breaking Dawn Part II (he’s in all the twilight movies for like a total of 10 minutes I stg. it’s like they had him on set for two days. these movies are entertaining but... so much watching for so little sheen)

A special spot for his role as Nero in  Ancient Rome: The Rise and Fall of an Empire. He is acting at a level I cannot even begin to describe in this 1 hour special. I would not recommend watching this because it was incredibly violent and I really struggled to get through it. The gif sets are some of my favorites of all the Sheens but- honestly. Truly. Struggles. 

I will update this as I remember things. This was just off the top of my head so I will come back to it. 

[illgiveyouahint]

what are some unrated things you wish more people would know about?

Oh man so many. And depends on what level are we talking about. Are we talking about things that people don't talk enough about but there's still some presence here on tumblr like In the Flesh and Our Love Story or are we talking about like Most which is a czech tv show that none of you have ever heard of? :D

Okay I'll tell you a few. And I'm sure you know some of them and I'm sure I'm forgetting some.

 How about Her Story the amazing web series that got me to know Angelica Ross before Pose was a thing, and Saturday Church which made me fall in love with Indya Moore before everyone else has met them on Pose.

another great web series that like 3 people on here know about the dutch Anne +.

want some Czech old movies that are not Cozy Dens? How about Bílá nemoc / Skeleton on Horseback which is so crazily relevant for current times. There are also the three Czech films that won an oscar - Kolya, Obchod na korze / Shop on the Main Street and Ostře sledované vlaky / Closely watched trains. If you want something more artistic and you liked Markéta Lazarová how about giving a try to the director's other works. I mean just czech cinema in general is quite interesting but I also feel like most of it is kinda inaccessible to foreigners because a) the language and the lack of subtitles and b)our humour and the way we approach language tends to be quite particular and I feel like most of it would get over people's heads and they would not find it funny. But if you do want more recommendation of czech cinema all you have to do is ask :)

Lilting is such a great movie that so few people actually talk about. It's one of my favourite movies even though it's sad. It's so precious and I love it so much.

I Dream in Another Language /Sueño en otro idioma is a film I really loved and found the story so unique and interesting.

I'm glad Chloé Zhao is getting recognition for The Rider but have you seen Songs My Brothers Taught Me? 'Cause I really love both of those films and it took me forever to find subtitles for it. 

Me and @amirathaliasgf​ keep talking and talking about Shirkers because seriously that documentary/story is so creative and so unbelievable and so sad and just goddamn I keep thinking about it.

Have you heard about Close Knit /Karera ga honki de amu toki wa? I don't like to recommend films where trans characters are not played by trans actors but I also understand that it's not always possible and I hope this film has helped to pave the way forward so next time we can have a trans person playing a trans person in Japan. And I genuinely like the story of the little girl whose mother is always absent and who finds comfort and love with her father new girlfriend.

Black Girl / La noire de... - okay so this director and this film is quite famous for the people who are interested in African/Senegalese cinema but outside of it you've probably never heard of it. I admit I'm only beginning to step into African cinema and this is sort of a starting point.

The Rocket - I actually did discover this through someone on tumblr and I highly recommend it.

The Second Mother /Que Horas Ela Volta? - aka the other film you might have seen in gifsets with Alfonso's Roma.

Ida - before there was Cold war there was Ida. I remember really liking the cinematography because it was really giving me those 60's cinematography feelings. Something that obviously Pawlikowski perfected in Cold war.

Departures - I mean it won an oscar but has been forgotten.

Omg I almost forgot one of my favourite korean comedies - welcome to dongmakgol /Welkkeom tu Dongmakgol it's so silly but I honestly loved it. Plus music is by Joe Hisaishi of the Ghibli fame.

I tried to pick things that I feel are less known but I also have no idea how deep ones knowledge goes. Should I recommend Persepolis or is that known enough. Good bye Lenin? It's known in my country but how well is it known here? It has Daniel Brühl in it so it should be known. How about Billy wilder's movies that are not Some Like It Hot or Sabrina? I just don't know how deep or how many of them would you like to hear so I'm gonna stop here.

Also I just realised that you didn't specify if you meant movies and I sort of went with movies but I could do other things if you want. Sorry if this is not what you meant.

P.S. a tip if you're American and/or have access to kanopy then I believe many of the films are there.

[lesbianrobin]

☕️ steve’s beautiful character arc

god bless you for sending this ask also i am so sorry this is gonna be long as FUCK and it’s not gonna be REMOTELY coherent

TL;DR: steve’s arc is the second-best in the show behind el, largely because he maintains his crucial traits and motivations while changing his actions and beliefs to try and be a better person

okay to start off i’m obviously biased as fuck because steve is my main hoe and i love him to death. that being said i genuinely think steve has the most solid character arc in the entire show save for el, and i think the biggest factor in that is the fact that joe keery has been so involved in the shaping and direction of steve’s character ever since he was cast. obviously every actor brings a lot to their character, but what’s unique about steve is that he was initially meant to be a true villain and die in s1, and joe convinced the duffers to change that. joe’s done an excellent job of keeping steve’s most basic traits consistent as the writers developed his character so that Steve feels real.

what makes steve’s character arc so good and believable is that, at his core, he... doesn’t really change That much? throughout the show, his defining character traits never really change: he’s loyal, he pays a lot of attention to other people and what they think of him, he’s more of a doer than a thinker, he has some issues with his father, he doesn’t have a personal vision for the future so he tries to stick to the designated path of “success,” and he wants to be a good person. what changes isn’t necessarily his intrinsic motivations, but his actions and thought processes, which makes for an excellent character arc!!

to start off with: controversial opinion, but i don’t think steve was That much of an asshole in s1. he was definitely an asshole! he just wasn’t evil or a total piece of shit like b*lly. he was just a dickhead high school kid, yknow? he was short-sighted, selfish, and didn’t take anything seriously. at the same time, he clearly cared a lot about other people (and what they thought of him)- demonstrated in little things like him sharing his lunch with his friends without them even asking, and the fact that he went to apologize to nancy after he blew off her concerns about barb because he was too preoccupied with not getting in trouble. he goes along with the crowd and does whatever he thinks he Should do, like letting tommy and carol vandalize the marquee (i can’t recall the exact dialogue but i think he says like “i shouldn’t have let carol do it” or whatever anyways it wasn’t his idea but he didn’t stop his friends). the fight with jonathan is steve’s only real Asshole moment for me. obviously he was dismissive of barb being missing which was shitty but he had no real reason to think that barb was dead yknow? he was approaching the situation from the stance of a teenager in a small town where bad things don’t usually happen. he was blinded by his own petty concerns of getting in trouble, and while insensitive to nancy, i think it was an understandable offense for a teenager (and one he apologized for).

and... since i Must address the camera thing... i personally think steve 100% had the right to break jonathan’s camera. of course he said some shitty things that he didn’t need to, and a lot of people argue that since jonathan was taking pictures of nancy, steve had no right to be outraged on her behalf, but i disagree with that argument. just because nancy was willing to forgive jonathan doesn’t let him off the hook! he was in steve’s backyard, taking pictures of an intimate moment through steve’s bedroom window. steve’s privacy was violated just as much as nancy’s. so, even if you don’t think that “sticking up for nancy” and being protective of her was a valid motivation, i still think it was justified. so yeah anyways.

back to the fight!!! steve lashes out and says like the meanest shit he can think of to jonathan because he’s so deeply hurt by nancy’s perceived betrayal and he Wants to get into a fight, which goes along with his deep sense of loyalty, preoccupation with what other people (his shitty friends mostly) think of him, his tendency to do whatever he’s “supposed” to do, and his desire to act rather than sit around and ruminate. some guy sleeps with your girlfriend, you’re supposed to kick his ass, and if you don’t then you’re a pussy, and if you can’t hit him to let out the anger and heartbreak then you have to sit in it and think about it and feel it. so basically what makes steve so cool is that these traits of his fuel both his biggest mistakes and his biggest hero moments!!

what many people see as steve’s total 180 at the end of s1 is actually, in my view, very consistent with his character up until that point. he went to nancy’s house to apologize earlier in the season, and this time he does the same thing for jonathan, because he’s realized how shitty he was and he knows that he doesn’t want to be that guy. once he’s there, he’s worried about nancy (consistent with prior protective/concerned behavior), and of course he chooses to run back inside! he cared enough to look up jonathan’s address and go to his house at night just to apologize after jonathan beat the shit out of him just hours ago, which is pretty serious- as someone who clearly feels guilt pretty deeply and wants to make things right, someone confident in his athletic ability, someone who thinks he might love nancy wheeler... why the fuck would he not go back in the help them?

his development in s2-s3 is a lot more about, like, being better to himself than it is about being better to others like it was in s1. at the beginning of s2, he basically defines his future in relation to nancy and his father. after he gets his heart broken (and i’m not gonna go into why he and nancy were incompatible bc that’s a whole other post and this shit is already ungodly long) and loses his “king” reputation, dustin and the other kids give him something to believe in, fight for, and care about. something that has nothing to do with the prescribed outline for success (popularity, sports, marrying a nice girl, working in the family business) that steve’s been basing his whole life on. he still misses nancy by the end of the season, but he’s realized that their picture-perfect future was never gonna happen, and he’s content with her finding her true happiness even if it’s not with him. also when he takes dustin to the snow ball he’s super encouraging and when he notices that dustin is feeling insecure, he shuts that shit DOWN and reassures him that he looks amazing which is just... so precious...

as he finds people to care about and things that bring him real joy in life (basically the kids and robin), steve also grows more and more expressive throughout the show, dressing more stylishly/flamboyantly, allowing his hair to become more and more wild, and goofing around/laughing a lot more. he’s basically a fucking angel in s3 and he finally lets go of all the high school bullshit that he was allowing to define him! he’s still very loyal, still pays very close attention to the people around him and how they feel, but now this is less about protecting his reputation and more about being a good friend. much like how he reassured dustin in s2, he prioritizes robin’s comfort and happiness during the bathroom scene in s3. he still acts fast in a pinch and tries to do the right thing whenever possible, always taking responsibility for his mistakes, and even though he doesn’t have a vision for his future, he’s okay with living in the moment and enjoying his life even though he hasn’t attained traditional “success” of any sort. he still has all of the same core character traits as he did in s1, he’s just learned how to be kinder, less selfish, and less concerned with fitting into a certain mold.

so yeah uh this was a goddamn mess and i’m sorry and i hope it all makes sense!!! thank you again for asking lmao

[pinkpurpleblue-writes]

You’ve Got Mail (1998)

Summery:

You’ve Got Mail stars Nora Ephron and Tom Hanks as Kathleen Kelly, the owner of an independent children’s bookstore passed down from her mother, and Joe Fox, a member of the Fox family who runs “Fox Books,” a Barnes and Nobles-esque big box retailer. As Fox opens up a new store in New York's Upper West Side, it threatens Kathleen's independent "Shop Around The Corner." While they verbally spar and go head to head, their online personas (ShopGirl and NY152, respectively) are falling in love online through, of all thing, email and AOL instant messenger. About halfway through the movie, ShopGirl and NY152 agree to meet, Joe realizes her real identity, and, instead of revealing what he knows, starts to slowly build a cordial, then friendly, then romantic relationship with Kathleen in real life too. The "Shop Around The Corner" eventually closes down and, at the movie's climax, NY152 and ShopGirl agree to meet again. Joe expresses his feelings towards Kathleen in person on the day of the meeting and, at the meeting spot, they kiss, happy that the people they fell in love with online were the people they fell in love with offline too.

Review:

You've Got Mail is a delight nearly all the way through. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan have amazing chemistry together, and both actors are extremely emotive throughout, with expressions that show the full range of feelings that each character is going through. The late nineties setting is almost perfect for those seeking escapism nowadays, with the sweet spot in between the end of the Cold War and the beginning of the "Forever Wars." The film is easily broken up into three Acts with a strong structure, divided among the seasons of Autumn, Winter, and Spring.

In between scenes of conversation and action, we see Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks emailing each other, seeing their screens and hearing the content of the emails as voice-over while the recipient reads it over. It's done exceptionally well, especially when contrasted with the problems some modern films have with showing text messaging onscreen. It's much more reminiscent of something like Victorian Era letter exchanges than anything cold and electronic.

The soundtrack is woven into the movie skillfully, with "Signed Sealed Delivered I'm Yours" and "Over the Rainbow" being particularly notable. The costume design is lovely, transporting you into the time period with Meg Ryan's clothes especially. The film touches on themes of relationships, family, and identity, but doesn't delve as far deep as it could have. It also abbreviates the "enemies to friends" part of Hanks and Ryan's relationship too much in my opinion, but the movie was already a decent length.

Politics:

The time period does come with some drawbacks, as the setting and plot allow for some peak 90s neoliberalism that is reminiscent of the first two seasons of "The West Wing," with the core politics of the film muddled at best, seemingly attempting to sidestep it at all costs. The few non-white characters (most prominently Dave Chapelle playing Joe's best friend) have little personality and less screen time, and the only non-straight characters turn out to be the fiancé of Joe Fox's father and the nanny she runs off with, both of whom get about a scene of screen time and a mention of their sexuality near the end. Fox Books brings to mind the Goliath that is Amazon, which itself helped put Borders out of business and has done the same to an immeasurable amount of independent book stores.

The relationship the film has towards capitalism itself is murky, with the most left leaning character (Meg Ryan's boyfriend-turned-ex, Frank) portrayed as a wannabe intellectual, but having Kathleen shoot barbs at Joe about status which he seems to be aware about. All in all, it reads as an attempt to not offend either side too much while still appealing to apathetic nineties twenty- and thirty-somethings who felt disenchanted with all of politics.

The film itself also has some misogynistic points, with Joe Fox's girlfriend, Patricia, being a particularly good example of a double-standard. Frank and Kathleen break up amicably after becoming more distant and are shown to be friendly after. While Frank and Patricia are show in similar lights through much of the movie, the second act has Patricia shown as emotionless and ruthless, seemingly due to her being more career-focused and driven. Some parts also haven't aged well, with a bit too much focus on appearance by the male characters and a scene where Tom Hanks refers to a woman as a "bitch."

Conclusion:

Overall, the letter is a love letter to the mid-to-late nineties, with all the good and bad that brings. I enjoyed it immensely and I still do, but it might vary depending on the level of escapism you're willing to withstand and how much you're willing to excuse due to when it was made.

Selected Quotes:

“Is it infidelity if you're involved with someone on email?”

“Keep those West Side liberal nut pseudo-intellectual bleeding heart-” “Dad...”

“Do I do it because I like it? Or because I haven't been brave?”

“Matt is my father's son, Annabel is my grandfather's daughter. We are… an American family."

“Oh the joys of rent control…”

“Do you ever feel you become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's box of all the secret hateful parts -- your arrogance, your spite, your condescension -- has sprung open”

"What is it with Men and the Godfather?"

"I said we were a goddamn Piazza"

"Pride and Prejudice? I bet you read that book every year, I bet you just love that.. Mr. Darcy and your sentimental heart just beats widely at the though that he and um… well, uh, whatever her name is, are truly honestly going to end up together?"

"Oh, you poor sad multimillionaire, I feel so sorry for you" and "You are nothing but a suit"

"Remember when you though Frank might be the Unabomber?"

"I am in… Vancouver"

"He ran Spain"

"Why don't we bomb Fox books"

"…and in a week it will be something really depressing, like a Baby Gap"

“...the astrologer, whose moon turned to be in someone else's house, as I recall."

"I am so sick of that. All that means is it wasn't personal to you. […] What is so wrong with being personal anyway?"

[rogerina-yee-haw]

"Oranges"

Joe Mazzello x Reader One shot

summary: your elder brother has a best friend and you've been in love with this guy since you were five. But this guy is Joe Mazzello and he doesn't love you back. Or this is just what you think.

word count: 2,4K+

a/n: I wrote this some time ago for my baby @starfleet-wannabe 💓 since my girl received some amazing news this week, I decided to finally post this fic, because Erin deserves a lot of Joe and good stuff in her life ily bby ❤💕💝💞💖

tagging my love @chicagoblackhawkslover96 cause she asked and cause i love her very dearly!💖💕🖤❤✨

warnings: fluff!! fluff!! fluff!! some angst (just a tiny bit), implied smut and typos (as usual lmao)

Oranges.

When you were five, Joe gave you two oranges, because you were crying over a broken toy. He was fifteen, tall and very sweet, while asking you what happened and smiling at you softly. He had been your brother’s best friend since forever, and you grew up having him around; so Joe, hanging out in your house on the regular basis, wasn't an unusual thing.

When he gave you those two oranges - your favorite fruit - your heart skipped a bit for the first time in your life. You didn’t know what happened and why it happened, but you certainly liked the feeling. It made you feel sweet and nice, and you stopped crying immediately. You shared the oranges with Joe as you two were sitting on the grass in your backyard; he kept on smiling and asking about your day - just to distract you from the broken toy.

“Joe!” your brother ran out, panting as he spoke. “Come on, the boys are waiting!”

“I’m having a very serious conversation with your sister, Chris!”

Your brother huffed and winced. “This can wait. Besides, if we don’t go now, Chloe will leave the party”.

You saw the way Joe’s eyes sparked when your brother mentioned the girl’s name, and he got up and left with Chris, telling you to be careful at last. You still remember how your little heart ached when he left.

You accidentally threw an orange at his head when you were fifteen yourself. You aspired to be a juggler and Joe was laughing at you as you were telling him about it.

“You can’t be a juggler,” he said, sitting down at the kitchen table. “Your mom won’t simply let you”.

You rolled your eyes. “I bet your ass, Mazzello. When she sees my skills, she’ll understand that there’s no other choice for me. I’m a great juggler”.

“No, you’re not”.

“You wanna bet?”

He let out a deep sigh and then looked at you; his hazel eyes were scamming you, trying to burn you down - or you would state it like that. You were lost in his gaze. Lost and found only in him. “I’ve never understood your terrible desire to bet on everything, Y/N”.

You huffed and crossed your arms over your chest. “You know I’m good. You’re just a pussy, Mazzello”.

He rolled his eyes at your remark. “We both know that Chris is the biggest pussy in this household. But alright. Show me your skills”.

You took three oranges from the bowl, two in your left hand and one in the right, and took a deep breath. “Goddamn it, Y/L/N, it’s not like your life depends on it or something”.

“Shut up, Joe”.

You started juggling the oranges and it was really bad. They were falling from your hands right on the floor or on the kitchen table; you were picking them up, starting juggling again, and Joe was just wheezing. He was holding his hands on his stomach, cackling and tilting his head back, as he was laughing loudly. He didn’t even notice that you stopped juggling and just kept on laughing. You clenched your jaw and started breathing heavily, as you felt anger rising from your stomach to your chest. You took one orange and threw it right into his forehead, making him jump from his seat and look at you shockingly.

“The fuck are you doing, Y/L/N?”

Your answer was simple. “Juggling”.

As Joe was plotting his revenge, your mom walked into the kitchen, ruining the moment. “Joey! I didn’t know you were back!”

“Yeah, Mrs. Y/L/N, I’m here for a couple of weeks. Life in Los Angeles is very-”

“Boring”, you finished for him. He glared at you and sighed heavily.

“No, Y/N. It is very stressful”.

“Of course it is. Especially with you and Chris working yourselves off there”.

Despite being rather angry with each other, you and Joe involuntary shared glances. Your brother wasn’t the hard-working one, in contrast to Joe.

"So, your mom told me you have a girlfriend. As your god-mother, I would be very happy to see her and approve of your choice”, your mother smiled lightly and you rolled your eyes. Of course, Joe had a girlfriend. Of course. He was twenty-five years old, he should have had someone. At this age, your parents were already married with a child. Of course.

“Oh, trust me, you won’t regret meeting her”.

He smiled so widely and happily that your heart sank, making you believe that you and he would never happen. He was ten years older than you, an actor and your brother’s best friend, who never considered you to be more than a little girl, crying over a broken toy.

Even three years later, when he practically stumbled upon you on your prom night, he still didn’t see you as an adult. You were eighteen then, already legal, wearing a short pink dress, that was giving easy access for observing your long legs - even then Joe didn’t see you as a possible romantic interest.

“Wow, sorry, Y/N”, he said after you hit each other accidentally with your shoulders. He looked you up and down and gave you a cheeky grin. “Going out?”

“Prom night. Waiting for my date”.

He hummed in response. “Got it. Have a nice night. But don’t drink too much. Well, you should drink as it is your senior prom, but don’t get agitated like-”

“Joe”, you interrupted his rambling. “I got it. You can stop giving me a lecture, Chris has already done that today. Twice”.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m just…” he sighed as he looked you straight in the eyes. “You just grew up so fast. I still remember you crying over that broken Barbie”. He smiled and your heart melted. Maybe it was the first time you realized that you loved him - desperately and infinitely. You loved his hazel eyes, that were looking right into your soul, his soft ginger hair, his sweet smile and him.

You felt your breath hitching, and your eyes started looking everywhere but at Joe - and it was a straight sign of you being nervous and flustered. So you tried to hide it, by chucking and turning your head away. “Yeah, I guess. That Barbie was pretty important to me, you know”. He laughed and scratched the back of his head.

“Yeah, I remember. Good luck tonight, Y/N”.

He remembered. Your heart pounded crazily in your chest throughout the whole night; and not because your date was a hot guy who wanted to get in your pants the entire time, but because Joe remembered. You came back home in the morning, with messy hair and your lipstick smudged all over your face from kissing with your date; only to find a glass of water, an orange, and a note on your bedside table.

“Oranges help with the hungover. Trust me. Joe.”

Now you were twenty-five, the same age Joe was when you threw an orange at his head. You couldn't call yourself a juggler, because the only thing you juggled with were your emotions as you were on the edge of mental breakdown while working with kids. Teaching maths in middle-school made you go crazy, as your students didn’t always listen to what you said. You saw your family rarely and, instead, you saw Joe almost every day. You couldn’t get enough of each other when you stumbled upon one another in February.

He just got back from filming “Bohemian Rhapsody” and you were coming home after a long day of dealing with middle-schoolers. You met in Starbucks and hearing him say, “Sugar honey iced tea, Y/N!” made your day much better. It also brought back all the feelings you had for him, all the love you tried to get rid of your entire life. You lived in a small flat with your cat Nancy and had a failed engagement behind your shoulders. And Joe was the sun that shined through the darkness and brought you back to life. He had breakups, heartbreaks and a lot of pain in his life, but still remained happy and excited about everything. At that moment you hadn’t seen each other for a year - and it seemed that it would take you the same amount of time to catch up on. You had talked for three hours, looking at each other and slightly touching one another. His gaze was constantly fixed on you, as he was looking at your face, into your eyes and staring quite obviously at your lips. You were giggling like crazy at every joke he told, tucking your hair behind your ears and biting your lips. You were all grown and legal, you thought, he should do something with it.

You were by Joe’s side through his darkest and saddest moments, holding his hand and hugging him tightly, while he was crying, clinging onto you as if his life depended on it. You spent more time with him rather than with your family, and your mother noticed it but didn’t say anything. She just silently watched Joe finally falling in love with you.

Summer was nearing its end, and you and Joe were even closer now. You spent too much time together for it just to be called “friendship”. You used to hang out at his place much more, as it was bigger and you liked it more than your own. He said yours was much cozier and he couldn't stop gushing about Nancy who seemed to love him even more than her rightful owner.

In August your childhood friend invited you to her wedding, and Joe was your “+1”, as you just couldn't show up alone to the wedding where you ex-fiance should have been with his new girlfriend. Your ex didn’t even bother you that much, you just wanted to be with Joe. As you have always wanted.

He held your hand and had his arm over your shoulder the entire time, and you kept smiling non-stop. At one point, when you were standing outside, shaking under the cool summer wind, he wrapped his jacket around your shoulders and kissed you. He tasted the way you always imagined - like oranges and summer. You answered to his kiss, leaning in closer, trying to get as much of him as possible. When he pulled away, you both were breathing heavily and grinning.

“Wanted to do it since February”, he whispered, and it sent shivers down your spine. You smiled softly and took his face in your hands, and kissed him again. You couldn't get enough of him. He couldn't get enough of you. That led to you two going to his apartment.

You ripped each other’s clothes off and you squeaked - you didn’t have anything else to wear to go home in the morning. “Don’t think I’ll let you go that easily”, Joe said in between kisses and you smiled, taking his blazer off.

Since you were introduced to the world of sex, you had been dreaming of this moment. You spent hours, thinking of Joe - while masturbating or regularly daydreaming or even when having sex with any of your partners. You imagined him like this, between your legs, fucking you into oblivion, too many times; but in reality, everything was much better. Joe kissed you feverishly, hungrily, like he had been starving for eternity. You both were sweaty, out of breath and happy.

"That's a weird thing to do", he noticed when the two of you were having breakfast at eleven in the morning, too fucked out to wake up earlier after hours of devouring each other.

"What exactly?" you furrowed your brows and looked at him.

“Eating oranges with coffee for breakfast", he shrugged his shoulders.

"Your fucking fridge is empty! Oranges are the only eatable thing in there. Or do you expect me to eat that old sandwich?"

"It's not old! It's been there just for a week."

"It's rotten, Mazzello."

"No, it's not! You don't understand how a refrigerator works apparently!"

"Well, enlighten me then, you fucking smartass!"

And the way he spoke about the work of the fridge - telling you his one was the most special on the planet - made you fall into him deeper and deeper. You realized that you hadn't ever even loved before Joe - and was it, ever, a-before-Joe phase? It seemed to be non-existent. You had spent your whole life, trying to run away from these feelings, trying to fall for someone else, just to forget him. But it wasn't possible. Ever.

So when he kept on ranting about fridges and how his sandwich was not rotten - you felt in love with him more than at any time before. It was something magical about this moment: the sun was piercing through the window, Joe's eyes glued to yours and - oh god - you didn't know it was possible to love someone that much.

"So when you say it's rotten, it's really-"

"I've been in love with you since I was five", you blurted out, being completely unable to control your emotions. Joe stopped talking and stared at you, without even blinking.

"W-What?"

"It's stupid", you gulped; why on Earth would you even say that out loud? "I shouldn't have said it. I don't want to put any pressure on you, it's idiotic, we just fucked for once and I'm already saying this type of shit-"

"Me too".

Your brows drew together. "What?"

"I've been in love with you too", he said firmly, and you let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding. "Not since I was five or something, you weren't even born then", Joe started babbling like a little kid and it made you chuckle; but you could already feel the tears forming in your eyes. "Maybe for a year. Maybe when I saw you with that piece of shit you were going to marry - maybe then I realized that I've been hopelessly and stupidly in love with you, Y/N".

Joe's eyes sparkled in the soft sun that was gleaming throughout the kitchen and you felt like crying just because of a loving look you saw in them. It was this pure bliss you had been dreaming about. It was everything you could have ever asked for.

And it was Joe. The man you fell in love with too long ago. And you couldn't be happier.

[godknowsqueen]

punch you, love you ; ben hardy x reader

Summary: Recently, you and Ben get on each other’s nerves like there is no tomorrow, but there’s a little something hidden underneath all that bitterness.

Warnings: Swear words, angst, flufffffffff. I also have zero knowledge in makeup so pls forgive me.

Word Count: 2,293 words.

A/N: This is my second attempt at writing a Ben Hardy x Reader oneshot. Do let me know if you have any comments or feedback in mind! Hope you enjoy this :’)

Being the makeup artist on the Bohemian Rhapsody movie set was like a dream come true to you. Queen has been your all-time favorite band, so getting to have a job were you see Brian May and Roger Taylor on almost a daily basis was like a blessing. What made it even better is that you get to transform four amazing actors into that brilliant band with the power of your makeup tools. 

There was only one problem: one of them has been lately irritating the hell out of you. Ben Hardy. 

It was another day at work, and you were prepping the boys for their “I Want to Break Free” scene.

“Oh, look at those eyelashes, darling. They make my eye colour truly pop!” Rami said in a bit of a high-pitched voice.

“Rami, you are turning to Freddie,” you chuckled as you carefully put the finishing touches on the left eyelashes. 

“That is the plan,” he gave you a wink, attempting to show off his new eyelashes. 

“Now, Bri- I mean Gwilym, I’ll just apply some spray to keep that makeup in place, so keep your eyes closed,” you dictated, shaking a bottle of spray.

“Do I really look that much like Brian? I feel like I look more like Aunt Petunia from Harry Potter at the moment,” Gwilym said, squeezing his eyes shut, and making you laugh with his horrifyingly accurate statement.

“Lord, you made me laugh and some of that nasty spray got in my mouth, Gwilym!” your face scrunched up in disgust, but you managed to keep laughing. “Or should I say Aunt Petunia?” 

With that, you scurried away to where Joe was sitting, trying to escape the wrath of Gwilym trying to hit you with a towel. 

“Well, hello grandma Joe,” you took a little brush and dipped it in a brown powder. “I’ll just adjust some of your wrinkles and you are free to go,” you started slowly brushing along the corners of Joe’s eyes and lips. 

“Thank you, young lady! Maybe after this scene you can give me some anti-aging creams to get rid of them?” Joe tried to pull off his best grandma voice, and you tried your best to not laugh and mess up the makeup you have previously spent nearly 2 hours on.

“Grandma Joe, stop being a jerk by trying to make me laugh.”

“Oh, now dear that is not a way to talk to your elders! Where are the manners of these kids nowadays!?” he raised his voice and rolled his eyes to Gwilym, who shook his head in agreement.

“Shut it, you two,” you removed your brush-handling hand off of Joe’s face, proceeding to lightly punch the two guys on their arms. They started snickering like little boys as they got off their seats. 

“Kids, you need to calm down,” Rami chimed in as he wore his pink earrings, channeling his inner Mercury yet again. A few seconds later, he walked over to where you stood, and gave your arm a light squeeze, “Thank you, (Y/N), you did a wonderful job with our makeup for that scene!”

“Yeah, you rock, even when you make fun of us,” Joe muttered in a joking tone.

“And even when we give you a hard time,” Gwilym agreed, twirling around a little in his nightgown.

You heart warmed at their sudden gratefulness, and a genuine smile formed on your lips, “You guys! Thank you so much, it makes me happy to be working with you. Now, enough with the cheesiness and go shoot your scene!” you hurried them off, but you felt like you were forgetting something.

“Um, speaking of giving me a hard time, actually, where the hell is Ben?” you place your knuckles on your hips, an apparent angry look taking over your features. 

“I’m literally right here,” a cold, deep voice arose behind you. You took a deep breath, trying to contain your anger before turning around to look at him. With that, the three other guys awkwardly left the room. They knew it wasn’t going to go well.

There he was, Ben Hardy, with his lipstick faded and one side of his cheek lacking the proper amount of foundation. The sight of the makeup you worked hard on being smudged got on your nerves. Or maybe because it was the sight of Ben that made you angry.

“What happened to the makeup?” 

“I went out for a quick smoke,” Ben avoided your gaze, feeling a little bit guilty.

“Okay, the lipstick fading from the cigarette I understand, but what about the foundation?” you turned around, preparing again the tools you’ll use to fix this.

“One of the girls cast as the groupies gave me a kiss on the cheek and I had to rub her lipstick off of my face,” he squared his arm, “anymore questions, officer?”

You closed your eyes, placing a brush a little bit too strongly on the counter. You felt super irritated, but what made you angrier was that tug at your heart when he said that one of the girls kissed him on the cheek. 

(Y/N), he is an asshole. You are NOT jealous. Just get this over and done with. It is your job, after all. 

Turning back to him, you point the swivel chair in his direction, and you motion  for him to take a seat. His eyes, which were previously avoiding you, were now lingering on you as he strutted to the chair in his little black Rogerina skirt. You started working on his face, fixing every mishap that messed up the makeup.

What if he wasn’t just smoking? What if he was hooking up with that girl? Whatever, I don’t care.

You both sat in silence for a couple of minutes before Ben starts speaking again, “So, it’s either you interrogate me or you’re awfully silent? Is there no in-between?” 

At that moment, you were perfecting a bit of his eyeliner, and you summoned all of the power within you to stop yourself from poking his eyes out. If only they weren’t so damn beautiful.

“Ben, if I were you, I would be scared of pissing off someone who is working so closely to my face.”

“What can you even do?”

“Oh, I don’t know, punch you in the goddamn face? But instead I’m here trying to be a good person and do my job correctly,” you replied rather harshly, his cold tone irritating you with every word he spoke. “And I’m also not going around kissing guys on the cheek and ruining their makeup,” you said in a very low voice as you turned away from him, grabbing the makeup setting spray. 

“Excuse me?”

“What?”

“I heard that, don’t act stupid, (Y/N).”

“Oh, you’ve got some nerve calling me stupid.”

Ben was now out of his chair, standing firmly right in front of you with his arms squared. Although he was trying to be intimidating, his current outfit, wig, and makeup were not helping him. 

You stood there, raising your eyebrows at him, your hands placed on your sides. You were silently thanking God that no one was in the room to witness this fight.

“I didn’t call you stupid, I was precisely saying do not act stupid. There is a difference.”

“Oh, wow, there is?” you replied sarcastically.

“Yes, and it looks like you need to learn it,” he snapped back.

“And you need to learn to be nicer!” you started shouting a little.

“I am nice, it’s not my fault that you don’t see it! You only notice how funny Joe, Gwilym, and Rami are. But no, I’M the asshole,” Ben’s deep voice was getting louder.

“What? You know that I’ve always loved you all equally. You are the one who started getting weird and annoying a couple of months back. You’re off, you’re cold, and just plain annoying. You are always nitpicking at anything I do, and it definitely takes its toll on me. So don’t be fucking surprised when I’m being bitchy all of a sudden because of the way YOU have been acting, Benjamin,” you ended your rant, calling him Benjamin for the first time in the entirety of the past year you have worked on set.

Ben looked a bit taken aback, his eyes widened at the sudden anger that has erupted from you. You were usually a person that kept her peace, so this was so new for him to witness. 

And just like word vomit, Ben uttered, “You are so hot when you are mad.” 

The look on your faces made it evident that even he can’t believe that he actually just said that. 

“W-what?” you felt yourself blushing, but a puzzled look remained on your face as you took a little step back away from him. 

My heart is beating so fast, what the hell is this?

“S-sorry, forget I said anything, it’s been a tiring day. Just-”

Word vomit, again. This time, it’s you: “Just shut up and kiss me.”

With the swiftest move possible, Ben’s hands cup either sides of your face as his lips crash onto yours. His right hand slowly lets go of your cheek only to embrace your waist, pulling your body closer to his. Your hands were resting on his hard chest. As your lips move in sync with each other, you start tugging at his pink and yellow tie, deepening the kiss. For people that irritated each other 99% of the time, it felt like you guys have been kissing each other for years. 

Ben breaks the kiss for a few seconds, opening his eyes to take a good look at your pretty ones. A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips, and he utters a few words, “you also look so hot with your cheeks firing up like that, too.” His thick accent manages to turn your insides into mush, making you uncontrollably smile despite trying to keep your calm poise. 

“And you look very fine with that skirt, I must say,” you let out a small giggle, gathering up the courage to plant a sweet kiss on his pink lips. As soon as you break it, Ben sends another small kiss, making you feel like he just couldn’t get enough of you.

His hands leave the side of your face and waist to tuck a stranded lock of hair behind your ears.

“So, why was all of that affection buried behind this bitterness?” you asked, holding one of his hands as you innocently looked at the floor under your feet. 

“I was confused as hell, (Y/N). I promised myself that I will give my all to this movie, and that I wouldn’t let any kind of emotions or relationships distract me,” his serious voice suddenly gave out a chuckle, “but then you came into our lives and I had to deal with you every day. In the beginning, it was easy to handle, but as the days went by, I couldn’t help but admit to myself the feelings I have been denying for months. These feelings just kept on growing like crazy.”

“And not knowing what do with these feelings, you decided that the best thing you could do is self-preserve by being distant and acting completely opposite to the way you felt, yeah?” you completed, earning a startled look from him.

“Exactly! How did you know?” Ben questioned, his hands softly squeezing yours.

“Been there,” you laughed and carried on, “with you. Funny enough, I had the same mindset you had. I guess that’s why we were so extra with our bitterness, we didn’t know that we were fighting the same battle,” you ended your words with a shrug. A couple of seconds later, you noticed Ben’s eyes giving you a very tender look. 

“What?” you spoke softly, admiring the features of his face.

“I really like you, (Y/N),” Ben uttered, a little color rising on his cheeks despite the foundation covering it.

“I really like you, too, Ben,” you shyly said, “but I think I really like Rogerina, too, so I don’t know where my feelings are exactly,” you teased him, your fingers ruffling the hem of his skirt. 

“Oh, shut it, love,” he gave you a cheeky grin, his hands moving to tickle your waist a little. 

“Why is Ben’s makeup taking forever? We need him on set right now, (Y/N)!” you heard the director shout from outside.

“Shit, your makeup is ruined again because of the kiss!” you squeezed the bridge of your nose with one hand, pushing Ben with the other onto the chair again.

“He’ll be ready in five!” you shouted back, scurrying to fix the mess you’ve made. Ben kept cheekily chuckling at your worried state, his eyes lingering on your every move.

“Do you think they killed each other?” you heard Joe whisper as he, Gwilym, and Rami walked into the room. 

“Hey guys, is everything alright?” Gwilym worryingly stated, the other two guys appearing next to him. 

Both you and Ben quickly turned to look at them and spoke in unison, “Everything's fine!”

Rami’s lips twisted into a sneaky smirk, “Judging by the absolutely messed up lipstick on Ben’s lips and the smudges of, coincidentally, pink lipstick on (Y/N)’s lips, I think they were far, far from killing each other.” 

You and Ben froze as the three other guys burst out laughing at your expressions. Although they were shocked at how things turned out to be between the two of you, they still couldn’t stop their laughter.

"So, you guys are a thing now?” Rami continued, standing smugly in his high heels.

“God knows!” Ben winked at you, earning a smile from you that made his heart skip a beat.

[ladymercytaylor]

All in - Chapter 2 (Joe Mazzello x Reader)

Chapter 2 y’all!!! If you like it please reblog (it would make my little heart so happy <3)

Summary: You and Joe were in a blissful relationship for 4 years. It seemed as though everything was perfect. You’d moved in together and all of your friends were taking bets on when he’d finally put a ring on your finger. That is until it all fell apart. Now, 1 year on you’re thrown together at a mutual friend’s wedding and it changes everything between you. Previous chapter can be found HERE

Chapter 2 – 5 weeks

“You have to tell him” “I know” “I’m serious. You have to tell him” “I fucking know, Flick” you groaned from your place on your bed. “Just telling me the same thing over and over again isn’t helping, you know?” “Well I’m sorry, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around the ‘I had a sloppy one night stand with the guy who tore my heart out a year ago’ part of the story” she snapped back, fiddling with the strings of her hoodie. You scrunched your eyes shut as the reality of what you’d done was presented to you. Why couldn’t you have been better? Why couldn’t you have not gotten mixed up in the romantic atmosphere of the goddamned wedding, kept your head and not fallen back into Joe’s arms? If you had then everything would be as it always was. You’d probably be sitting on the couch with your best friend watching a shitty Netflix movie and eating popcorn. Instead you were quickly spiralling into a crisis as you stared at the ceiling of your bedroom, uncomfortably aware that a new life was growing inside you. 

“I don’t blame you, you know” Flick murmured, interpreting your silence as offence. “You and Joe. You had something I’ve never seen before” you closed your eyes even tighter until neon lights danced across your eyelids. “I’ve known you for 10 years and I’ve never seen you that happy” “And I bet you’ve never seen me as destroyed either” you muttered, slapping your hands over your face. “Why did I sleep with him?!” you groaned, rolling over to squash your face into the covers. “Because you’ve never really stopped loving him” Flick replied simply and your whole body froze. Wrenching your face out of the green covers, your eyes narrowed dangerously. “I hate it when you do that” you grumbled but she simply stuck her tongue out at you from her perch on your windowsill. “Sorry, babes, still true” she shrugged nonchalantly. Another groan escaped your lips as you flopped back down. “Do…do you know what you’re going to do?” Now that was the million dollar question that had been rolling around your head for the last 2 weeks, ever since your doctor’s appointment that concretely confirmed the pregnancy. What on Earth were you going to do? Flick had made it clear that there was no way to get out of this situation without talking to Joe, and you knew that there was no point in dropping this bomb on him until you’d figured out what you wanted. Children had always been on your radar. Your nieces and nephews were one of the favourite things in your life. The day your first nephew had been passed into your arms, wrapped in the blue blanket you’d gifted your sister a few months prior, was the day that cemented it for you. You wanted to be a mum. But your original plans for that had been derailed a year ago when Joe left your life. And now your 33rd birthday was creeping up. And there hadn’t been anyone of interest since Joe. It almost felt like a sign. “I’m” you started, your heart rate soaring, “I’m thinking I’m going to keep it” “Holy shit” Flick breathed out, wobbling slightly on the windowsill. “That’s huge!” “I just feel like that this is my shot” you continued, the words tumbling out of your mouth “Like yeah, it was an accident. But if parallel universes do exist there’s a not so different world where Joe and I are still together and have a family. So why can’t this version of me have it too?” “You had me up until you said ‘parallel universe’” Flick chuckled. She pushed off the ledge and came to sit on the edge of your bed. “You’re allowed to want it, hun” she said softly, resting a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “It’s a big fucking deal, yes. But if you really want it and you think you can handle it then you don’t need to justify it to anyone” God, you loved her. “I know I can do it” the determination was clear in your voice and it brought a smile to your best friend’s face. She’d known you for so many years and she knew that as soon as you set your mind on something there was no stopping you. “Then I’ll be here to help you however I can. And I know Joe will too” you groaned at the mention of his name. “Don’t bring him up” you whined and Flick laughed again, rubbing your shoulder gently. “Sorry, love, but you’re going to have to talk to him about it. And soon” she added, pointedly. “The last thing you want to do is to rock up, show him your giant stomach and yell ‘Surprise!’” “I dunno, that’s definitely a hilarious way to announce a pregnancy” you chuckled, heaving yourself up to sit cross legged on the mattress. You both sat in silence for a moment, Flick staring out of the window at the cars lazily trundling down the street and you tracing aimless patterns on the covers. “Strange isn’t it” you whispered, feeling your throat constrict, “Just over a year ago Joe and I were literally in here talking about kids”

“Come look at this one!” Joe’s shouts echo down the hallway from the bedroom to reach you in the kitchen. “Just a second!” you shouted back, grabbing the two steaming cups of coffee before heading towards your shared bedroom. “Where is it?” “Brooklyn. Close to the bridge though!” he added quickly, spinning his silver MacBook around to show you the latest listing he’d found. It was the perfect Brownstone building, perfectly maintained with little flower boxes on the window ledges. “It’s gorgeous” you murmured, eyes raking down the page. Joe grinned beside you, bouncing in excitement against the mattress. That was when your eyes found the price. “Jesus, Joe! It’s like 3 times our budget!” you exclaimed, pushing the laptop away from you. “But it’s so pretty!” he whined, flopping dramatically onto the covers. “It has 4 bedrooms! There’s only two of us” you reminded him, sitting back against the headboard and taking a sip of your scolding hot drink. “But…it might not always be just two of us” he murmured, his cheeks flushing a bright pink. A crippling silence fell, Joe staring unblinkingly at the ceiling and you stuck with your cup half way to your lips. He hadn’t meant to bring it up like that. He’d been hoping to have a little more tact but the idea of buying a house with you had his little heart fluttering like a butterfly and he couldn’t keep it in any longer. Marriage had occasionally been tossed around so you knew that was on his mind, but kids was a new topic entirely. “Huh. Is this something you’ve been thinking about for a while?” you asked gently, the gentle thud of your mug against the wooden night stand the only sound in the room. “Would you be mad if I said yes?” Joe replied softly, the back of his neck prickling uncomfortably. “How long, Joe?” you murmured. “If I had to put a finite timestamp on it” he mused out loud, his confidence growing, “I’d say it was when you met my family” “We’d only been dating for 6 months!” a slightly shrill laugh escaped your lips, betraying the cool exterior you’d been trying to present. “Yeah well you looked so cute with my nieces and nephews I just couldn’t help it” he chuckled, propping himself up on his elbows so he could see your face. “Have I completely freaked you out?” “You’ve taken me a bit by surprise” you admitted, feeling your cheeks burn under his gaze. “I mean I’m not surprised by any means! You’re amazing with kids” you blabbered, your face feeling burning hot. Joe couldn’t help but grin at your nervousness. “You just never said anything and now you’re telling me this and we’ve been together for nearly four years and this is kind of the first time I’m hearing about it-” Joe shuffled forward to gently press his finger to your lips. “Calm down, love, calm down” he chuckled, hazel eyes shining brightly in the dim evening light. “But I have to ask…is that something you see with me?” The words seemed to be stuck in your throat so you simply nodded, tears springing to your eyes as well as Joe’s. “Really?” he asked gleefully, a grin blossoming on his face. “Really”

“Universe just likes to keep you on your toes I guess” Flick shrugged, hopping off the warm windowsill. “I’ve got to head to the restaurant, but you’re going to call him, yeah?” You nodded as she crossed your room. The affirmation seemed to assuage her concerns and she gave you a supportive smile before stepping out into the hallway and leaving you alone.

Across town, Joe was sitting at his grey desk, a new script just dropped off by his agent clamped tightly in his hands as he scanned the pages. It was good. Not something he’d ever done before, but what actor doesn’t want to give a rom-com a try? He was just turning the page of a particularly intense love scene when his black iPhone vibrated loudly against the wooden table top. Sighing softly he put down the document to peer at the screen. His heart stopped as he read your nickname that he hadn’t had the heart to change in the message bar.

Sweets <3 Hey, any chance you want to meet up next weekend? I’ve got something I’d like to talk to you about.

Completely abandoning his work Joe unlocked the screen, immediately dialling the only person he could talk to about this. “Hello?” came Ben’s sleepy reply from the other end of the phone line. “I’m going to get her back” Joe beams, pushing out of his office chair to pace around the living room. “Going to need a little more info there, mate” the Brit chuckled, loosing focus as his adorable puppy padded into the room, her long ears flopping with her bouncing steps. That was when the damn broke. Joe’d been trying to keep the details of his night after Ben disappeared with his bridesmaid to himself, but now he was too excited at the prospect of seeing you again to hold them in. “You fucking slept with her?!” was his friend’s elegant response but Joe flew over the judgement in his voice. “And now she wants to see me on the weekend! She absolutely wants me back, yeah?” The silence that met his question was not reassuring. “Possibly. Or she’s going to tell you that it was mistake” Ben offered and Joe felt like a lead weight had just dropped into his stomach. “You don’t really think that, do you?” Ben couldn’t help but sigh at the despair in his best friend’s voice. It’d been like this ever since the break-up. No matter what Ben did to distract him it never worked. No matter how many perfectly lovely single girls he set him up with the response was always lukewarm at best. And now that he had one sliver of hope of fixing his mistake he wasn’t going to let it go without a fight. “I’m just saying that you shouldn’t get your hopes up” Ben explained measuredly but it only made Joe roll his eyes. But despite his confidence, there was a tiny dark thought niggling at the back of his mind. What if Ben was right?

TAG LIST! Just message if you want to be added!! @briarrose26  @mrsmazzello @escabell  @yourealegendroger @sincereleygmg  @zvzxs  @dramatique-moi @borhapqueen92

[queenborhapreaderships]

Hey :) could you do a headcanon about Ben cheating on reader?

well this is pretty much fic length. oops. how do i keep accidentally writing fanfiction??? i feel like that’s not a thing that should happen to people??? also fair warning, this is not a happy fic/headcanon/hot mess. there’s also some platonic rami/reader in here because i’m a hoe for the boi. 

It started like any other day. You wake up next to the love of your life. You roll over to face him and as his gorgeous green eyes flutter open, your heart skips a beat. It never ceases to amaze you how much he still affects you. It’s like an eternal honeymoon phase, whenever you see him you get butterflies. You lean in to give him a quick peck, despite him groggily moaning about morning breath. You couldn’t be bothered by it, you love him too much to skimp your morning kiss.

You want to get out of bed just about as much as he does, but you know that he’s got a big day ahead of him. It’s the last day of filming Bohemian Rhapsody, so there’s a huge cast party tonight. He groans and rolls over, digging his head back into his pillow. You smile, he’s precious. He doesn’t seem like he’s moving so you lay his clothes out and trek downstairs to make the two of you breakfast.

He finally stumbles down the stairs, the clothes you laid out are haphazardly thrown on and his hair is sticking up in every direction. You grin and walk over to give him a proper kiss. You can feel him grinning into it and wrapping his arm around your waist. You giggle, but tell him he’s got to hurry up and eat breakfast, he’s already running late. You can tell he’s less than pleased but he thanks you for making his favorite.

Once he’s finally ready, the two of you head off to start your day. You usually don’t go to work with him, but today’s different. You want to be there to see everyone together for probably one of the last times. You’ve gotten close with the other boys and some of the members of the crew so you’d like to see them off.

You’re the closest with Rami and to some extent Joe, just because of how close the two of them are. You’ve hung out with them alone on occasion but you know Ben doesn’t love it when you do so. Which to be honest, rubs you the wrong way. You want him to trust you, but you don’t know what else you can do to prove your loyalty to him.

When you arrive on set, you’re met with big hugs from everyone, all of your friends. The atmosphere is absolutely buzzing, everyone is nervous, excited, and a little sad for everything to be ending. You know there’s still a while before the movie comes out, it’s just the end of an era in a way. Seeing everyone all together will be a whole escapade and everyone’s gotten used to this little makeshift family.

The day carries on like normal, there aren’t many tears until the end. The last scene where the camera circles Freddie, and Rami, ever the professional, nails it every time. Before the last take, the entire cast and crew have been gathered up to cheer him on. You’ve got Ben by your side, arm protectively wrapped around you. When the director shouts cut, cheers erupt from the crowd. The look of shock on Rami’s face makes you smile. You’re really proud of him. You’re proud of everyone and you’re super excited to spend time with them tonight.

When the time finally comes, you’ve put on your best casual dress. If you’re being honest with yourself, this isn’t really your scene, Hollywood parties. You love Ben and you love your friends so you wouldn’t miss it for the world. You just know that you’re bound to feel a little out of your element.

You sigh and your eyes are pulled away from your scrutiny of yourself when you hear Ben enter. He looks handsome. Like he was born for this. Hell, he probably was. You shoot him a grin and he tells you that you look gorgeous. You blush and look away. He’s not having any of it, he comes up to you and gingerly places his hand on your cheek and once again, slower this time, tells you that you’re gorgeous. He’s so genuine and it makes you happy. You give him a quick peck on the lips and tell him that he looks incredible. He chuckles and thanks you, striking a pose.

Once the two of you finally arrive at the party, it’s already kicked off. Ben made the two of you late. Again. You’re not too upset, considering he’s one of the main actors, he can get away with almost anything and everyone would still love him. For good reason too, he’s something special. You feel so lucky to be dating someone as wonderful as him. You stick around him for the first half hour or so, the two of you chatting on the outskirts, drinks in hand. You wouldn’t have it any other way, to be quite honest.

He eventually gets pulled away by some of the producers to talk business, you understand, of course, so you face the crowds in search of your friends. It’s Rami you find first, he shouts your name happily and opens his arms, pulling you into a huge hug. You hug back and laugh into his chest, telling him it’s good to see him too.

You two drink, dance, and laugh for the rest of the night, with many others joining in. You can’t help but notice that you haven’t seen Ben in a while. You realize it’s probably fine, but something’s eating away at the back of your mind. It’s frustrating. If Rami, the actor who plays the main goddamn character, can find time to spend with you, why can’t your own boyfriend? You think he can sense that something is off with you because he gives you a sympathetic look and pulls you off to the side so the two of you can catch your breath.

He asks what’s wrong and you just tell him that you miss Ben. He smiles and wraps his arm around your shoulders, pulling you close. He tells you that he understands and that frankly, he should probably find Lucy and spend some time with her before the night is over. While he’s walking away, he pauses to turn back and face you. He tells you to go find your man. You smile and head off to do just that.

Unfortunately, the party is winding down and you can’t find Ben anywhere. You’ve looked, you’ve called and texted him, you’ve asked around and turned up with absolutely nothing. You’re outright mad at this point. He takes you to this party and spends all of 30 minutes with you. You expected more out of him. You’re lucky that you drove and kept the keys on you because you’re done with this. You say goodbye to everyone, there are many hugs and numbers exchanged before you get to drive to your and Ben’s flat.

You make your way up the stairs and instantly realize that something is off. The door isn’t shut all the way and when you open it, Ben’s suit jacket is crumpled at the floor. You slowly set your purse down and make your way carefully throughout the house. There isn’t another sign of Ben anywhere. That is until you get to your bedroom. You’ve got a feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach that you’ve been ignoring all night. Now it’s unmistakable. You take a deep breath and poke the door open.

What you see shatters your heart. You quickly place a hand over your mouth to stifle the gasp. There he is, the love of your life, wrapped up in bed with the actress who plays John’s wife. They don’t hear you come in, but when Ben picks her up and shifts their position, he sees you. You’ve got so many things running through your mind right now, you can’t seem to focus on one. When you make eye contact, he freezes. The girl looks up to him and asks what’s wrong. She follows his eyes and also notices you.

Before you can even begin to process what is happening you need her out. Through gritted teeth, you politely ask her to get the fuck out of your bed and the fuck out of your flat. She timidly gathers up her clothes and slinks away. Now on to him. He hasn’t said anything yet. He looks too shell shocked to speak, which isn’t fair. He’s not allowed to be shocked when he made this decision to his own accord.

You don’t know what’s happening until you realize you’re screaming. Everything just comes tumbling out at once. First and foremost, how dare he? How dare he doubt your loyalty when he goes and does this? How dare he bring her to your home? In your room? In your goddamn bed? How dare he string you on this entire time, for years, having you believe he loved you? He tries to cut in there, telling you that he’s always loved you and you interrupt him. You tell him that he doesn’t and there’s nothing he can do to convince you that he does because the damage has been done. He’s made his decision and it wasn’t you.

You’re overwhelmed and you can’t bear to look at his stupid, gorgeous fucking face any longer. You rush out of the room, grabbing your phone off the kitchen counter, and escape. You run. You run until your legs practically give out from under you. You don’t know where you are, so you sit down under a tree and cry for the first time since discovering him. You cry for what he did to you, for all of the broken promises. You cry for what could’ve been, what should’ve been if he could’ve just kept his dick in his pants.

But a treacherous part of you, in the back of your mind, is telling you this is good. That you two never could’ve truly been anything great if this is who he was this whole time. Unfaithful. If he did it once, who knows how many times he has done it throughout the course of your relationship. There is one thing you do know to be absolute fact because of this. Ben Hardy is a damn good actor.

You don’t know what else to do, so you give Rami a call and explain the situation. He asks where you are and you have to get up to find a roadsign. He’s there in a heartbeat, hugging you and letting you cry. He’s running his hands through your hair and telling you that it’ll all be okay, even though it feels like it won’t. You look up at him and notice the unshed tears in his eyes. Just for a moment, just for a small moment, you believe him.

[thatgirlintheaudience]

So last week I saw Waitress on tour! (Yes, they are using the Betsy Wolfe Playbill.) 

I just want to say, Desi Oakley is perfection in this role. After seeing Jessie Mueller, I had lots of doubts about different Jennas, but Desi is an angel. And you can tell in the interviews that she just adores this role. She was great!

If anyone’s interested in the pie flavors, they were apple pie and salted chocolate caramel. ;)

God, I love “What’s Inside.” There is such a strong back beat in that song I never realized. Like, wow, and the lyrics..(get ready for me to praise Sara Bareilles ten million times.) 

“Opening Up” is so fun and energetic. Love. 

“The Negative.” LOVE IT. I really love the conversation happening between Jenna, Dawn, and Becky. It really shows their friendship and their characters.  

When Earl comes to the diner, and asks Jenna for her money, Jenna gives Earl the money, and looks over at Joe, shielding her body so he won’t see. I thought that was interesting.

WOW WOW WOW WOW “WHAT BAKING CAN DO”. I know “She Used to be Mine” is like the hit of the show and don’t get me wrong it is an amazing song, but WBCD  gets so overlooked. It is amazing and Desi sings it, well, amazingly. The way she sings, “I’ll show them all how goddamn happy I am!” “Am’ is the key word here. She does it so different from Jessie and I love it!!! Here’s a video of her singing it; the part I’m talking about happens around 2:55. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbLvs94SeSo). And just such a powerful song, especially with Jenna’s mom and dad fighting in the back. 

I love “Pomatter Pie” and if you haven’t had the Mermaid Marshmallow pie, you must make it. It’s “biblically good.” 

“When He Sees Me” is an adorable, relatable song and I love it. But what is it with Sara Bareilles and doors? Let’s examine: 

“I’ll bake me a door to help me get through” and “Every door we ever made, we never once walked out” are lyrics in “What Baking Can Do” and the lyrics in “When He Sees Me” are: “What if he opens up a door and I can’t close it?” I’m just saying... I love it though. 

When Dawn is going on her fist date with Ogie, Jenna and Becky give her a “makeover” and Jenna bakes her a pie. Dawn says, “Jenna, you are the queen of goodness and kindness.” That made me feel emotions. 

“It Only Takes a Taste” or AKA “What is DR.POMATTER’S BACKSTORY???”

Ugh, “You Will Still Be Mine.” I get it, Earl’s the bad guy, but every actor that plays him is just so good. I loved Nick Cordero and I thought Nick Bailey was great as well. Also, the minute Earl made his entrance, the crowd was dead silent. I remember on Broadway, when Earl found the money Jenna was hiding, the crowd was like shook. Just dead silent. And I mean, I think it’s amazing when an actor can demand that reaction through his/her character. 

“A Soft Place to Land.” Um, yeah, magical song. AND JUST BEAUTIFUL LYRICS. “Dreams are elusive, the kind we’ve gotten used to.”

“Bad Idea”  was sooo good. Yet again, those lyrics. “It’s the only thing I’ve ever done, what if I never see myself ever be anything more than what I’ve already become?”

ACT 2 

CHARITY ANGEL DAWSON. VOCALS. I am so happy for her. I saw her as Nurse Norma in New York and am so happy she is now playing Becky! But anyway, she killed “I Didn’t Plan It.” 

In one scene, Jenna goes to see Dr. Pomatter and Nurse Norma tells her that he went to a funeral back home with his wife. Jenna brought a pie, and Nurse Norma goes, “What’s the pie called?’’ and Jenna said in the saddest voice, “The pursuit of happiness pie.” I think my hear cracked a little. Like, she just thought she was finally gonna be genuinely happy with Dr. Pomatter and then to find out he’s with his wife over seeing you at your doctor’s appointment. Gut wrenching. 

Before, “You Matter to Me” Jenna asks Dr.Pomatter if he’s happy and he says, “I’m not used to happy, but you, you make me feel at peace, calm.” God, I loved that. Okay, “YOU MATTER TO ME.” DO I EVEN CONTINUE? Okay, I’ll say it again, the lyric, “I could find the whole meaning of life in those sad eyes” should win all the Grammys and Tonys in the world! I mean, it’s just such a special song and moment. Ugh!!!

“Dear Baby” so sad, so emotional. Goddamn. 

“She Used to be Mine” shivers on my face, emotions all over. You know how it goes. 

“Contraction Ballet” and Lulu’s Birth was so well done. Jenna stands on the bed and her mom comes and blows the flour and everything is just going fast. It’s so cool. Shout out to Diane Paulus!

Before Lulu’s birth, Jenna has a conversation with Cal (he was so funny, by the way!) about happiness. And Cal says he’s “happy enough.” And when Jenna has Lulu, she says “We’re not gonna be happy enough, little girl, we’re gonna be really happy.” It kind of made me cry. 

And then the last pie, Jenna gives Dr. P is Thanks for Taking Me to the Moon pie, and he says in the saddest voice ever “Another lifetime...” God, it was really sad. 

Also there was a few boos for Earl at curtain call, so just a reminder not to boo actors. :)

Anyway, this show is so amazing, and is really important in these times. Try to see it either on tour or in NYC! 

Sugar, butter, flour.