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diaryofabeautyfiend · 3 years

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🚨Warnings: Light p in v smut. Some angst. Lots of fluff. My grandfather’s name really is in the Smithsonian.🚨

Plain Gold Ring V:

Exactly Like You

“I know why I waited

Know why I've been blue

I've been waiting each day

For someone exactly like you” - Nina Simone

——————————————————————

Your last day in D.C. felt like the last day of your life. This life. Every article of clothing was packed. Every knickknack and tchotchke sent with the movers. You were ready for your next life. Did your next life include Andy?

The weather was beautiful. Sunny. Not too hot. You and Andy had planned on spending it outside seeing the sites. He had never toured any of the museums. You invited Jacob along. The second you said it you wished you hadn’t. You felt like a home wrecker even though Andy promised Jacob wouldn’t see you that way.

Andy was bristling with excitement. “He’s going to love you, baby.” You were not great with kids. You actively chose not to have them. You loved your nieces from a distance when they were little. Now that they are teenagers you feel a little more at ease with them. You are their cool rich aunt who spends an absolutely outrageous amount of money on them when you visit. You nearly fainted when Andy asked if you’d like to have children.

“Aren’t I too old for that?”

“You’re only three years younger than me. I know a lot of women who had their career before they had a family.” Your face snapped from terrified to anger real quick, “Not that you can’t have a career and be a mother. People do it everyday. Shut up, Andy.”

“You’re cute when you’re nervous. Have you thought of having children with me?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, “Well, yeah. I’d like to have a couple more.”

“Oh. A couple he says.” You could feel the hives forming. “This seems like a good conversation to have right before I leave.”

He ran his hands up and down your arms. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to pressure you. You haven’t thought about it? Not even a little?” The door buzzed in the nick of time.

“Jacob’s here! Hallelujah!” You wiggled out of his arms to grab your shoes.

He laughed shaking his head. “We’ll finish this conversation later, young lady.” he pressed the intercom button, “Hey come on up, buddy. This is going to be great, honey.” He loved your nervous laugh and the way you fidgeted with your fingers. Just the fact that you were nervous told him you would love his son.

You heard voices coming from the living area. Fucking hell. Was that Lori? You contemplated going out of the window. You went into the bathroom to grab some lip balm. You knew full well that it was in your bag on the kitchen island. You were just staying out of their way. When you heard the front door close you reemerged.

“Ready to go?” Your eyes were wide and you were way too smiley. If Andy didn’t know better he would think you were on drugs.

“Yeah. I think no more coffee for you ok?”

“It’s nice to see you again, Miss Y/N.” Jacob extended his hand.

“Nice to see you too. So! The Smithsonian. What part are you most interested in seeing?”

“Air and space I think.”

“Then that’s where we’ll start. My grandfather’s name is actually on a plaque. I’ll show you. He was in the navy and built planes that were used in Korea I think. And my dad’s picture is there. He works for a division of NASA back in Louisiana where I’m from. He developed this little part of the rocket booster. He’s literally a rocket scientist.”

“That’s really cool. I’d love to meet him sometime…..”

Andy was loving every second of this. You and Jacob really got along. You were making plans to visit your father and stepmother over the summer and maybe hit the beach in Florida. Jacob’s face lit up at the prospect of meeting your family. Both Andy and Lori were only children. Jacob didn’t grow up with cousins or really any kids his own age outside of school. He seemed pretty comfortable with the idea of you and Andy together.

Andy tested the waters a little by holding your hand. Jacob didn’t seem to notice. By the time you got to the next part of the museum he had his arms around your waist. He even kissed you a couple of times. Nothing but a tender peck here and there. Jacob didn’t seem to mind when he showed you affection.

After lunch Andy dropped you off and then ran Jacob back home.

“So, what are you thinking?” Andy asked with nervous trepidation.

“The museum was cool. I really liked the rockets. It’s cool that Y/N’s dad made those.”

“Did you like Y/N?”

“Yeah. Sucks she’s moving. Do you think you’ll move to Chicago too?”

“Kind of depends on you, bud. I know you’re getting older and you don’t need Dad around very much anymore. I don’t want to miss anything. You’re my only baby.”

“I could spend summers with you. You look really happy. I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time. Even before the trial. I’d miss you but you should be happy.”

The whole way inside Jacob talked about you. He clammed up when Lori walked in.

“Hey, guys. Did you have a good time?” She kissed Jacob on the forehead.

“We had a great time. Ok, Jake. You have the number where I’ll be. I’ll be back on Wednesday. If you’re not busy next weekend you can spend the night. I have your room all set up. Love you.”

“Ok. Love you. Have a safe flight. Tell Y/N I said bye.” He escaped to his room before the arguing started.

“If it’s ok I’ll pick him up from school Thursday. Did you sign the papers?”

“She went with you?” Her voice was deadly quiet.

“She did.”

“Didn’t want to tell me that before hand I guess.”

He sighed and wiped his face with his hands, “I’ll have him back Sunday night. See you later.”

“Fuck you, Andy. You can’t even give me the courtesy of telling me my son would be meeting his father’s whore!”

He slammed his fist on the counter, “Did you sign the papers or not?” She threw the manilla envelope at him.

“They’re signed.” He took the papers and walked out slamming the door. He contemplated moving again. He has a month to month lease on his place. It wouldn’t be hard for him to find a job. He knew Jacob would be fine. Chicago was looking better and better. After all the baby talk this morning he wouldn’t burden you with anything else domestic for today.

——————————————————————

You were zipping your last suitcase when you heard Andy come in. You packed all of your sleep clothes so you were wearing Andy’s t-shirt and panties. Dinner was ordered and he had a drink waiting on the counter. He called out for you. When you rounded the corner into the living room he caught you in his arms.

“Hey, handsome.” you cooed in his ear. He nuzzled your neck and stroked your back. “You ok? Was Jacob….he hates me. I knew it.”

He tightened his hold on you, “Honey, he loved you. He talked about you the whole way back.”

“Then why is your face all worried?”

“Because I’m keenly aware that this is our last night together in my place. That when I come home Wednesday you won’t be here. I’ll go to work on Thursday and Jeremy will be in your office. I have really good memories in that office and now they’re ruined. I don’t want to wake up without you.”

His hands traveled up your bare back then back down to cup your ass. “The delivery app says they’re going to be here in twenty minutes. Think you can finish in time?”

He lowered his head between your breasts and nodded yes. Before you knew it your panties were off, his pants were down and he was fucking you against the wall. His pace was relentless. You hooked your ankles at the small of his back and leaned back so you could rub your clit. Your fingertips brushed against his dick every time he pumped in and out of your cunt. You both came in fifteen minutes.

You ate dinner on the veranda loving the cool breeze on your bare skin. As much as he wanted his t-shirt to smell like you, he like naked picnics way more. Admittedly, a big chicken Caesar salad wasn’t the sexiest food in the world. Still didn’t stop him from licking dressing off of your chest when it dropped off your fork. He was determined to fuck you in almost every room in this place.

You slept tangled and sticking together all night. You had finally gotten over your need for bed space. You’d miss it when he wasn’t there. All night the two of you wanted to bring up moving in together. Neither of you had the guts to say it. You didn’t want to beat a dead horse. He didn’t want to freak you out. Good thing you’d be long distance for a while to work on your communication skills.

——————————————————————

Your new place was beautiful. You rented a big new condo close to Millennial Park. Your office was on Michigan Ave so you weren’t far from there thought walking was highly discouraged. It wouldn’t be possible in heels anyway.

You and Andy worked diligently unpacking and cleaning. When the last box was unpacked and broken down you both collapsed on the couch. “I feel disgusting.”

“You have that nice big bathtub. Bet we can both fit.” He raised an eyebrow at you and nudged your side.

“You are insatiable, Mr. Barber. Whatever will I do without you?”

“You’ll bust from horniness. Come on.” He hoisted you up from your comfy spot and pulled you into the bathroom. While he undressed you filled the water with soft musky oils and some bubble bath. You lit candles and eased in to relax. He washed your hair massaging your scalp with his fingertips. He held you in the warmth until your fingers and toes were pruned.

For the rest of the week, if you were sitting it was on Andy’s lap. If you were sleeping it was in his arms. By Tuesday morning, you had both finished up conference calls and responding to emails. You had cleared the rest of your day to spend together.

As the sunlight dwindled it had become harder and harder to part. You couldn’t take it anymore. You had to have the conversation you had been dreading since you stepped off the plane.

“Andy, I don’t want to sound like a nagging girlfriend but, I really want you to move in with me. I know it would be so hard leaving Jacob but I have plenty of room. He can spend every summer here if he wants. I’d love to have him. I feel really strongly that this is leading somewhere. I’ll even talk about babies if you want.”

His heart was bursting. You kept rambling on trying to convince him. Little did you know he was already convinced. “Stan is going to kill you.” He laughed and pulled you onto his lap. “Give me a few weeks to wrap up everything.”

When you dropped him at the airport there were tears but you knew you’d see him soon. “I love you, baby. I’ll call you as soon as I land.” He kissed you like he would never get to do it again.

“I love you too. See you soon.” He smiled through his tears.

“See you soon.”

——————————————————————

That weekend he spent all of his time with Jacob. He planned on spending every moment he could with his son. Jacob even had his first few weeks planned starting with meeting your family in Louisiana.

When he brought Jacob home on Sunday he worked up the courage to tell Lori the news. “Do you have all of your stuff for your English assignment? If not I can bring it by before school tomorrow.”

“I got it, dad. I had fun this weekend.” They hugged. He smelled Jacob’s hair and kissed him.

“Love you. Be good for mom.”

“Love you too!”

Lori stood in the doorway with her arms folded protectively over her chest. “So she’s gone?”

“Yep.”

“So what now? What does this mean for you?”

He pulled out the kitchen chair and rested his head in this hands. “This wasn’t a fling, Lori. I’m moving to Chicago. Jacob is real excited about spending summers with us.”

“Do you love her?” Tears shimmered in her eyes and her voice wavered. It would be cruel to lie to her.

“Very much.” It stung to hear. With nothing left to say Andy stood to leave.

“Andy!” she called after him. When he turned she wrapped him in a hug. The two of them embraced for several minutes.

When he stepped onto the sidewalk outside of the building his phone buzzed in his pocket. He saw your face smiling back at him.

“Hey, baby. How was your day?” He looked up at your old window and thought of how the two of you started, the past he left behind and smiled at the sound of his future on the other end of the line.

#andy barber angst #andy barber smut #andy barber x y/n #andy barber fluff #andy barber #defending jacob

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echo-hiraeth · 3 years

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Chapter 7: El Hombre con el Corazón Ardiente

Part of the “Illicit Limerence” series

Pairing: Javier Peña x F!Reader

Summary: After finally standing up for herself, Javier takes it upon himself to treat her to a lovely evening together. Yet the mere idea of what happened and what might still happen won’t let go of him.

Warnings: swearing, angst, suggestive sexual content, nudity, arguing, mentions of abusive household

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“How’s that?”

You let out a moan, the mixture of his hot hands and the aroma of the water just plain entrancing.

He lowers his hand to that particularly sore spot on your lower back, rubbing it just the right way. “Words, hermosa..”

“Mhmm, ‘sgood, very good.. don’t stop”, you mutter groggily, eyes threatening to shut any second.

His breath fans against your ear as he huffs out a chuckle, lips pressing to the tender skin there. “Don’t fall asleep, we’re just getting started.”

As his hands move around to your front, softly grazing the underside of your stinging breasts, you flinch a bit. “Ten cuidado”, you whisper, lips moving against his cheek. (Be careful.)

“¿Confías en mí?”, he questions, thumbs rubbing over your hardening peaks. (Do you trust me?)

“Mhmm, depends..”, you teased, smirking up at him.

He frowned at you, trying his hardest not to smirk right back. “On what?”

“I trust you with my life in the field.. but at home.. seeing how you nearly burnt down the apartment like half an hour ago.. I’m not so sure..”

He grabbed a hold your chin, forcing you to look straight up at him. “Don’t get too mouthy now, hermosa.”

You leaned back a bit more, lips brushing past his. “I’ll do with this mouth as I please.”

He bit his bottom lips, hand sliding down to your throat. “As much as I want to take you up on that.. you need to heal up a bit more first.”

“I know, I just enjoy gaging reactions”, you purred, taking his hand off your throat.

“Never took you as the brat kind of girl.”

You pressed your lips to his for a short, sweet kiss. “You’ll find I’m full of surprises, agente Peña.”

Having keened his interest, you peeled his arms off of you, grabbing onto the rim of the tub as you went to stand. “W-where are you going?”

“Water’s getting cold”, you sighed, wrapping a towel around yourself. “And I would’ve fallen asleep.”

He got out of the bathtub as well, reaching for the other towel on the rack. “Your back feel any better?”

“Loads”, you walked up behind him, resting your chin on his bare shoulder as you captured his gaze in the foggy mirror. “Thank you.”

“You did good today.. I know it wasn’t easy but you’re doing the right thing”, he softly spoke, drying his torso.

“I’m sure others would disagree”, you sighed, slipping on the silky chemise that you’d laid out for the night. “I-I’m just really scared of having to go to court about it.”

He adjusted the fallen strap on your left shoulder, dragging his fingers to your cheek, holding them there. “We have hard evidence and maybe even witnesses. Whatever happens, I’ll be right here with you, corazón, every step of the way.”

“Ah fuck”, you muttered under your breath, tugging at the hem of your chemise.

“Feeling sick? Cramp? What’s wrong?”, Javier hovered over you, immediately turning around.

“Oh no, no, I’m okay, just.. this doesn’t fit”, you chuckled.

He looked at the way the fabric didn’t stretch over your hips, smugly smiling. “It’s all those hot meals Lopez gave you.”

“Or it’s the fact that you knocked me up”, you retorted, playfully smacking his behind.

“Take my shirts until you can buy some new stuff”, he suggested, ruffling a smaller towel through his damp hair.

You pecked his shoulder, walking out of the bathroom to pull a t-shirt out of his bag. As you turned you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. Oh wow, yeah, your breasts did look a bit fuller and your lower belly had somewhat of a curve to it. You turned a bit, watching yourself from the side and hesitantly put a hand on your swollen abdomen. It wasn’t necessarily a noticeable bump yet, but it was there.

“You look beautiful”, his voice sounded.

You whipped your head in his direction, his figure looking impossibly broad leaning against the doorway like that. “You’re just saying that because of these”, you taunted, gesturing towards your chest.

“I’m saying it because it’s true.” He walked over to you, grabbing the shirt from your hands and slipping it over your head. “But if you don’t cover those up I won’t be able to control myself.”

He gave a flustered chuckle when you pushed the fabric up against your nose. “Smells like you..”

“Fucking weirdo. Let’s go make some food.”

Javier had improvised a dinner with whatever he could find in your cupboards and fridge. He managed to cook up some homemade garlic bread while you sliced and diced some vegetables for the main course, promising a great start to the evening.

When you’d practically inhaled half a piece, he grabbed a hold of your wrist. “Slow down, you’re gonna choke.”

You took another bite, closing your eyes as you fucking savoured it. “You’re making this every day now.”

“I almost burned the apartment down, again”, he reminded you.

You laughed, giving him the opportunity to take the half-eaten piece of bread from your hand. He shoved it into his own mouth, winking at you. You gave him an offended look, crossing your arms as you stared into his eyes. “That was a hate crime.”

“C’mon, you were gonna be full before dessert, I did you a favour here”, he taunted, wiping some left-over butter off your chin.

You smiled at him, cuddling into his chest: “Shut up. Now hands off, I need to check on the chicken.”

He laid back in the couch, watching as you made your way over to the kitchen, the fabric of his shirt swaying in rhythm with your strides. “Need any help?”

“Nope! Do you want a beer?”, you called.

Javier could get used to this. He never really imagined himself a family man, but spending the evening just in your company? That didn’t seem so unlikely anymore. The way he’d catch you looking at him, eyes shimmering with unspoken words of affirmation and adoration, he could tell you were happy. He couldn’t grasp it though, the fact that somebody as sweet and pure as you would ever settle for a mess like him. Maybe he was somewhat of a project to you, or maybe, just maybe you loved him as much as you’d claimed earlier that day. His heart raced just from looking at you. The way you were stood in that mirror earlier, cupping the slight swell of your belly, it had triggered something within his deeper conscience. He’d never admit it though – well, maybe one day, but tonight, tonight was good enough the way it was. Just the two of you in that damn apartment, getting to know one another. As much as he was enjoying the moment, he couldn’t help but feel somewhat conflicted about what had been revealed to him back at the office. The recounting of your childhood conflicts and traumas not leaving his mind, even as he watched you twirl around the kitchen, teeth-baring grin plastered on that precious face of yours. How in the hell did you do it, how in the hell were you this strong. He’d been wanting to talk about it all night, wanting to know everything, but he’d decided that you could use a break, even if it was just for one night.

“Hola Peña, ayudarme!” (Hey, help me)

He immediately got up from the couch, joining you at the stove. “Did you say something?”

“Yeah, just get me two plates and like a spatula”, you instructed, turning the knobs on the furnace.

He passed you the utensil, two plates balancing on his other arm. “So we uh, we’re like a thing now, right?”

You found the time to look at him and raise an eyebrow. “Are you joking?”

“Thought I’d confirm before like.. grabbing your ass at work or something.”

“Grabbing my- take these damn plates to the couch before I beat your ass”, you giggled.

He did as you asked, smirking to himself, thinking of the perfect comeback. “Gotta tell Lopez and Suarez somehow.”

“I swear if you bring it up one more time I will not have sex with you for a week.”

The rest of the night was spend on the couch with a tub of vanilla ice cream to be shared between the both of you. You’d eventually just gone to watching tv, too tired and sore to do literally anything else. Javier didn’t complain though, God knows he was exhausted as well. It was no surprise really when he fell asleep with your head in his lap, fingers suddenly stilled in your hair. You’d noticed he was out before dozing off yourself, mouth slightly agape, drooling a bit. The two of you had been there for about an hour, completely knocked out when Javier suddenly jolted awake, startling you.

“Shit, sorry”, he gasped.

You sat up, placing a hand on his heaving chest. “What’s the matter, Javi?”

“Just a stupid dream, but I’m fine”, he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“Sit tight baby, I’ll get you some water.”

He closed his eyes, tipping his head back as he focused on getting his heartrate down. This hadn’t happened in a while, well he hadn’t slept that much anyway, so go figure. When he had nightmares they were never about himself but about others and this time it was about you. He didn’t know what your dad looked like, not even in the slightest, but the picture he created in his head was enough to make his blood boil.

“Here, drink up.”

He eagerly took the glass from your hands, downing it in just a few gulps, his breathing somewhat slower. As you got up to refill it for him, he tugged you back over to him. “Please just.. sit with me..”

You put the glass on the coffee table, taking a seat on his lap, a leg on either side of him. Balling up the shirt’s fabric in your hand, you gently swiped it across his sweaty forehead. “Wanna talk about it?”, you cooed, brushing some stray locks behind his ear.

“Just give me a minute, then we can go to bed”, he slurred, resting his head against your sternum.

The two of you sat there for half a dozen minutes, just wrapped up in each other. It was silences like these you cherished. The only sound his breathing which got calmer by the minute until eventually he was perfectly fine again, pressing a kiss to your neck before looking up at you. You let out a squeak as he cupped your bottom, standing up with you wrapped around him. He carried you into the bathroom, setting you down on the counter there.

“I’m gonna get some more water, you get ready, okay?”

By the time he was ready for bed, you were already sat on the mattress, writing down a grocery list as he emerged. “M’gonna head out to the market tomorrow, need some stuff”, you declared, pen wedged between your teeth.

“Just wake me up, I’ll come with.”

“I was actually hoping to go and meet Connie as well and help her out with Olivia.”

He took his shirt off before sliding under the covers. “I’ll take Steve out then”, he added, rubbing a hand over your thigh. “C’mere querida, I’m not done with you yet.”

When you fell asleep exactly, you had no idea, but it took a loooong time. Longer than usual, especially considering the other half of the bed was constantly moving. Whether it was tossing from his left to his right or accidentally sucker-punching you in his flailing, you couldn’t pinpoint. You’d nonetheless made your way out of the arena, taking you pillow to the couch. It wasn’t as comfy as your bed, but the risk of a broken nose was significantly smaller.

You woke up to a pair of lips pressed to your head, a hand on your shoulder. “Did I say something bad?”, he joked.

You nuzzled deeper into your pillow, not wanting to open your eyes, painfully fatigued. “Fuck you.”

“That bad huh?”, he continued, kneeling down in front of you.

“Nearly kicked me out of the bed”, you mumbled groggily, opening one eye to look at him.

He pecked your forehead again, rubbing a hand through your hair. “Tell you what, you go back to bed and I’ll run down to the bakery for some breakfast.”

“I’m gonna be like.. really really hungry though.”

“I’ll get you the good stuff, now get back in bed.”

You kissed his lips as you sat up, swatting his bum in passing. The bed had never felt so fucking snug before, as you flopped down. Falling back asleep almost as soon as you hit the pillow. You’d get your revenge later, but for now, you’d linger in the warmth of his pillow.

As Javier headed down to the shop, he took the scenic route, aka going to the office. He was a nervous wreck knowing your case could’ve been reviewed already. He just needed to know, he couldn’t get it out of his head at this point. He was surprised to find Steve there, giving him a knowing look before joining him at the desk.

“And?”

“They approved, should get a response somewhere next week.”

Javier let out a sigh of relief, leaning back on the desk. “Thank fucking Christ.”

“Think she’ll be okay?”, his partner asked, genuine concern in his tone.

“She’s fine, if it was up to me he would’ve been rotting in there already.”

“It’s not that easy okay, she still had ties with her sisters… she just didn’t want to lose it all over-“

“Over her own fucking safety?”, he scolded. “I mean shit, probably would have never even told me if she didn’t get her ass handed to her.”

Steve shuffled on his feet, motioning for his partner to calm down. “It’s not something she talks about. Don’t take it personally, I knew her for years and also found out that way.”

“Don’t take it pers– that’s the mother of my fucking child, man! Can’t get much more personal than that!”

“You wanna play daddy now huh, take care of your girl? Don’t fucking forget who made her run home in the first place Peña.”, Steve snarled, poking his friend in the chest.

He grabbed two fistfuls of Murphy’s jacket, face dangerously close to his, eyes glaring into his. “You know jack shit.”

“You gonna get sick of this one too? Find another altar to leave her at?”

“I was there holding her when she screamed and cried, for hours, I kept myself together for her, still do. And you, you fucking just watched her get destroyed and ripped apart and didn’t do shit! Don’t even try to talk down to me man, check yourself!” He was shaking with rage, chest heaving in between strings of broken screams and curses. “I burn for her.”

Deciding to be the bigger person, he turned around, heading out of the office. He wasn’t perfect, hell, far from it, but he wasn’t about to let that fucker get to him. He was bigger, better than this. So he did what he knew best, going for a drive. As he pulled up to the sandwich shop, like he’d promised the anger has somewhat left his body, the only remnant the protruding vein on his neck and the furrow of his brows.

When he walked back into the apartment he was met with a welcoming silence. He left his shoes and keys at the door, just the way you liked it and headed straight for the bedroom. You were cuddled up in the sheets, lips perked up in an adorable pout.

I burn for her.

Even peacefully asleep you set his heart aflame, unleashed the passions he’d hidden away years ago. You brought out the things he kept tucked away, for fear of what might happen if they were ever to be unleashed again. Something about the way you touched him, the way you talked to him, the way you just treated him in general made him feel safe and rooted. It made him feel like a person, the monstrous persona he’d become chipping away with every brush of your lips. You were it for him, all he ever needed and all he’d ever want, you were his everything. Maybe one day he could tell you, maybe one day he could find the right words to say to you, he sure as hell wanted to.

It was a bit past noon at this point, the sun starting to shine through the curtains. The beams cast the room in a yellowy hue, the sheets looking incredibly inviting and soft in this light. He set down the bag on the other side of the bed, slowly sitting down, putting a hand on your shoulder.

You blinked a few times, squinting as you adjusted to the brightness within the room. “What time is it?”

The two of you sat in bed, eating sandwiches and just enjoying the slow day. He’d told you he went to the office and ran into Murphy, he discretely let out the part where he almost choked him out, instead said something about Connie and him being unavailable today. You insisted you could handle yourself for some groceries, but Javier’s big stubborn brain had reasoned again anything of the sorts. So not too soon after the two of you found yourselves in the centre of Bogotá, the market to be precise.

He admired the way you talked to the locals and the way they seemed to know you, smiling and offering you kind words as you passed by them. Despite being the one to insist he come along, he found himself bored within minutes, straying from your side a bit when he thought you took too long deciding between fucking soap or towels. Javier had always been a simple man, not one to stop and enjoy the finer things, but with you here, he didn’t mind it all that much. Somewhere along the way you’d pointed out a small café, wanting to grab a quick drink before finishing up on your shopping. He’d of course agreed, Javier Peña wasn’t one to turn down a fresh, cold beer.

“¿Es mi niña?”, an elderly woman called out to you.

You got up and enveloped the lady in a heartfelt embrace. As she kissed your face all over, Javier just quirked a brow, perplexed at the sight.

“Dios mío, ¿ese es él tipo?“, the woman cooed, “Muy guapo.” (My goodness, is that him? Very handsome.)

You blushed a bit at her words, before slowly nodding. “Rosita, este es mi novio.“ (This is my boyfriend.)

“Perdón, ¿me estoy perdiendo algo?”, Javier intervened, not sure what to make of the situation. (Sorry, but am I missing something?)

Rosita walked off after you asked her for something, giving you the opportunity to turn back to Javier. “I met her before I went home. She spotted me in the square and offered me a drink. I told her about what a jerk you were.”

He huffed out an awkward laugh before stowing his aviators in his breast pocket. “De acuerdo, soy un imbécil”, he smirked, sitting down across from you. “Nothing you didn’t know beforehand.” (All right, I’m a jerk.)

“Mhm, but a very persuasive one”, you teased with a teeth-baring smile.

“Persuasive huh?”, he taunted, leaning forward a bit, “You better behave, hermosa, no se burle de mí..” (Don’t tease me.)

He leaned back in his seat as Rosita set two glasses on the table. “Bueno, ¿cómo está el bebé?”, she asked excitedly, sitting between the both of you. (Well, how’s the baby?)

The two of you quickly caught up to speed on the whole baby thing while Javier just sat back and listened. He didn’t get the whole fussing about it, he actually found it rather annoying and off-putting, the way people would obsess over you and your baby. Eventually the conversation turned back around and Rosita was decidedly interrogating Javier on his behaviour towards you.

“Bueno, ¿y tú la estás tratando bien?” Her tone left no room for arguing or dishonesty, eyes glaring into his own, making him shift in his seat. (Well, are you treating her right?)

“Hago lo mejor que puedo, señora.. pero es del tipo testarudo”, he answered, winking at you. (I try my best ma’am.. but she’s rather stubborn.)

The old woman laughed, putting a hand over his: “Eso es lo que me gusta escuchar.” (That’s what I like to hear.)

After about another half hour of the chitchatting you finally returned to the market, to Javier’s relief. He adored the old woman, but small talk and “high tea” wasn’t really his strong suit. He preferred drinking with the guys, free of puny conversation topics such as stretchmarks and morning sickness. You seemed to be enjoying yourself however, hence why he stayed seated, rather than finishing up your shopping himself. The two of you were casually walking through the stands, a feet or two apart, not wanting to raise too much suspicion in case any sicarios should see the two of you together. No matter where, Javier was always on his toes, having been familiar with the cartel’s practices for quite some time now. So when you’d go buy vegetables at one stand, he’d go admire the spices at the next one over, occasionally sneaking peaks at you. You were doing exactly that when he found himself in front of a stand with children’s toys and clothes. He rolled his eyes, cursing himself for just not walking ahead as the woman smiled at him.

“¿Puedo ayudarte en algo, cariño?”, she asked nicely.

He looked down at the table, sputtering out something about just looking when his eyes land on the tiniest set of little socks. He can’t help himself and finds the corners of his mouth curling up ever so slightly. They were nothing special, just a pair of plain white socks with some yellow stripes on them, but something about them made him pull out his wallet.

He stuffed them in his back pocket, turning around to see you over at the next vendor already, stocking up on the last of your groceries. Later – he thought – I’ll tell her later.

Taglist: @pedritomando @peterhollandkait @ophelia-ingenue @radiowallet @phoenixhalliwell @diogodxlot @rosiefridayrogersunday @a-court-of-feysand-and-elorcan @asta-lily

#javier peña x reader #javier peña #javier pena #narcos #imagine #pedro pascal #illicit limerence

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musette22 · 4 years

Note

Hello! Can you write a stucky or evanstan fic where steve/chris finally confessed his feelings to bucky/sebastian using the hearts candy, pretty please? Oh I really love your fics!

Aww, thank you so much, lovely! This was such a sweet idea (excuse the pun), and I chose to go with prewar Stucky for this one! I hope that’s okay 🥰🥰

Sweethearts

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

Rating: Gen

Words: 2k

A/N: Apparently these sweets have existed since the late nineteenth-century, and - fun fact - at some point they were being produced by the Stark Candy Company!

***

Steven Grant Rogers has never really needed much of a reason to get into a fight. Today, though, he’s in an extra foul mood and he’s just itching for some action.

He promised himself he would tell Bucky how he felt. Promised himself he would do it on Bucky’s birthday, when he had some Dutch courage in his system and Bucky would be in good spirits and hopefully less likely to punch him in the face if he didn’t like what Steve had to say. But Bucky’s birthday came and went, and once again, Steve had failed to get the words out.

Apparently the bullies were right after all: he is a wimp, and a coward to boot.

He’s been stewing over his failure ever since he opened his eyes this morning, getting more and more worked up as the day went on. So when he’s on his way home after a shift at the newspaper and a burly, greasy guy across the street catcalls a dame who’s walking by herself, Steve’s hackles are up even faster than usual.

“Hey, asshole,” Steve calls, his voice ringing out loud and clear in the quiet street. “Didn’t your ma ever teach you any manners?”

He gets the shit kicked out of him, of course – no surprises there. Steve gets in a few good punches too, because he’s feeling amped up and punching assholes has always been his favorite way to let off steam. But at the end of the day, the guy is twice his size and three times as strong, and it’s only because he gets bored with the lack of competition and walks off at some point that Steve escapes the scuffle with ‘just’ a shiner and a few bruised ribs.

Oh, and a mood even fouler than before.

He fumes quietly as he walks the last few blocks home, angrily kicking an empty can out of the way and blowing his tousled bangs out of his eyes. Damn it, he thinks. Damn it all to hell. He’s so busy cursing the heavens that he almost fails to notice the motorcar that turns around the corner, but he manages to jump out of the way just in time. His shoulder bumps against a shop window, and that’s when something colorful catches his eye.

He’s looking at the window of a candy story, or at a jar filled to the brim with candy hearts, to be precise. Sweethearts, they’re called now: little multicolored pieces of candy that each have a word stamped into them.

On a whim, Steve pushes open the door to the shop and steps inside. He’s greeted by the jangle of the doorbell and a wary look from the proprietor, who eyes Steve’s black eye with mistrust but who sells him a small bag of Sweethearts nonetheless. Business is business, after all. Although Steve is well aware that he shouldn’t be spending the money he just made with his extra shift on candy, and this is clearly a stupid plan anyway, he is kind of desperate at this point, and desperate times call for desperate measures.

The hearts burn a hole in his pocket as he makes his way back to the apartment. It’s like they’re taunting him, whispering to him that he’s not gonna do it, he’s too much of a chicken to tell Bucky how he feels. Too gutless to tell him that he’s loved him since the day they met, even if he only later realized he was in love with him. It took Steve a while to work up to the decision that he should tell Bucky about that inconvenient but undeniable truth, which has fueled and consumed him in equal measure ever since it presented itself.

It took him six years, to be precise.

Six years in which Steve pretended he loved Bucky like one friend loves another, pretended he wasn’t looking at Bucky’s mouth and wondering what it would feel like against his own. Six years in which Steve called Bucky a jerk instead of all the other, much tenderer things that were always on the tip of his tongue.

But now, with war raging in Europe and people risking their lives for their own and other’s freedom, Steve could no longer stomach the idea that he wasn’t even brave enough to tell his best friend that he loved him. And in his heart of hearts, Steve knows it doesn’t even matter. He knows he’ll love Bucky until they’re both old and grey, regardless of whether Bucky feels the same way in return.

But maybe, just maybe there is a chance that he does. And maybe today might be the day that Steve’s going to find out.

As he trudges up the stairs and opens the door to their apartment, Steve’s hopes of getting to freshen up a little to hide the worst of the damage before Bucky gets home are dashed when he hears someone whistling the latest Glenn Miller tune from inside.

Shit. Steve is usually home before Bucky, but then he usually doesn’t get into fights on his way home (well, not every day, at least). He sighs, squaring himself up for the reprimand Bucky is no doubt going to give him when he notices the state Steve is in.

As soon as he steps through the door, Bucky turns around from where he’s standing by the sink, holding a glass of milk. He’s in his work pants still, but he’s taken off his jacket, leaving him in just his undershirt and suspenders. Unthinkingly, Steve’s eyes linger on the curve of Bucky’s biceps, taking in the way the shirt is sticking to his stomach with sweat, even though it’s only March. When he finally lifts his gaze to Bucky’s face, though, Steve feels his stomach drop. Bucky’s brow is furrowed, his lips turned down into an unhappy frown.

“For pity’s sake, Steve…” Bucky sighs, sounding infinitely weary. “You really can’t go one week without gettin’ into a fight? What was it this time, somebody breathe in your direction?”

Steve bristles at the implication that it must have been him who started it, even though it had in fact – depending on how you looked at it – been him who started it.

“This asshole was harassing a dame all on her own,” Steve huffs. “What was I supposed to have done, just keep walking?”

“Was he attacking her?”

“No,” Steve replies, frowning. “He catcalled her, but–”

“Steve.” Bucky rolls his eyes, running a hand through his chestnut hair, wavy again now that the cream he put in it this morning has evaporated with a day’s hard work at the docks. “We’ve been over this. There’s always going to be assholes out there, you know that. You can’t fight ‘em all, pal”

“Yes, I can,” Steve counters, unconsciously pushing out his chin a little. “And I will.”

Bucky pinches the bridge of his nose, letting out a deep sigh. “I swear, Steve, sometimes I think you got a death wish. What am I gonna do with your stubborn ass?”

A slightly manic giggle escapes Steve at that, because he’s got one or two idea ideas for what Bucky could to with his ass. The sound must rub Bucky the wrong way, however, because he raises his eyebrows, eyes going comically wide.

“Oh, you think this is funny, do you?” he asks, then draws himself up to his full height before proceeding to lecture Steve on what are and what aren’t valid reasons to start a fight.

Having heard this spiel countless times before, Steve mulishly tunes Bucky out and instead starts digging around in the pocket of his ragged coat for the little paper bag.

His heart starts beating faster as he pulls it out and opens it, but he ignores it, just as he ignores the little voice in the back of his head screeching at him to abort, abort, abort. He’s not getting cold feet this time – it’s now or never.

“Are you even listening to me?” Bucky huffs impatiently, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Steve doesn’t bother replying because he figures it’s pretty clear he isn’t listening, and instead peers inside the bag, trying to find the one he needs.

Ah. There.

Finally looking back up at Bucky, Steve holds out his hand. There, in his palm, lies a pink little heart.

Bucky’s eyes drop to Steve’s outstretched hand. “What’s this?”

Instead of answering, Steve just keeps looking at him, silently willing Bucky to just get the hint already and take the piece of candy.

Bucky peers down at Steve’s hand, uncomprehending. Then, suddenly, he goes still. He blinks a few times, fast, mouth opening and closing as if he’s going to say something. He doesn’t, but he does reach out slowly, picking up the pink heart from Steve’s palm and then staring at it some more from close up.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, Bucky lift his head again, his eyes findings Steve’s. “Steve? What’s this?”

And because he can’t help himself and also he’s about to keel over just from sheer nerves, Steve snaps, “Sorry, I forgot you couldn’t read.”

When Bucky doesn’t respond, just keeps standing there with his mouth hanging open like a fish on land, Steve slowly starts to feel very stupid, and very, very vulnerable. He’s unable to stop the heat rising up in his cheeks, a blush spreading like a wildfire from his face to the tips of his ears and down his chest.

And that, seeing Steve shrinking in on himself, that must be what makes Bucky finally understand. Because from one moment to the next, Bucky’s face transforms, his expression melting into something soft and so mushy it makes Steve’s heart ache.

“Stevie…” Bucky breathes, not taking his eyes off Steve. “This says –” He stops, licking his lips. “This says ‘I love you’.”

Steve nods, slowly, and asks, “Is that okay?”

Because apparently he is still a dumbass, even if he now isn’t quite so much of a coward anymore.

Bucky’s face melts a little further. Steve would’ve thought he looked stupid, if he wasn’t so gone on him. “Are you- Do you mean it?” His voice is barely more than a whisper at this point, as if he’s afraid to break whatever this thing is that’s slowly taking shape between them.

Steve inhales deeply to steady his nerves, his knees feeling worryingly shaky all of a sudden. “I do, Buck.”

Bucky makes a little sound then, something between a sigh and a laugh; incredulous, like he can’t quite believe what he’s hearing. Bolstered by Bucky’s reaction, Steve gets an idea and starts rooting around in the bag again for another heart.

When he finds the one he needs, a yellow one this time, he holds it out to Bucky, not breaking eye contact until Bucky’s gaze dips down to the offering. This time when he sees it, he barks out a laugh, unrestrained and joyous.

Kiss me, the heart says.

Steve watches Bucky pop both the hearts in his mouth, before he bridges the distance between them in two long strides. He takes Steve’s face between his large hands, his touch surprisingly gentle, and leans down, softly pressing his lips to Steve’s.

For a moment, Steve lets himself be kissed – until he recovers from the shock, and then he gives back as good as he gets. He stands up on his tip toes and wraps his arms around Bucky’s neck, pulling him closer, always closer.

By the end of the kiss, Steve has a heart, too.

Bucky tips back his head just a little, looking down at him through his lashes, his lovely slate-blue eyes a few shades darker than they were before. Steve is breathless, both from the kiss and from Bucky’s beauty, which he’s finally able to appreciate openly now, for the first time since he realized the way his heart tripped at the sight of it meant love.

Leaning in again, Bucky gently brushes his lips over Steve’s as he whispers, “I’m sweet on you too, pal.”

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#stucky #stevebucky #prewar stucky #steve rogers #bucky barnes #steve rogers x bucky barnes #fluff #tooth-rotting fluff in fact #my fic #my writing #ao3 #prompt

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autisticmight · 4 years

Conversation

ranking christmas carols

silent night: a nice, calming classic. you probably had to learn the first verse in german in primary school. points removed because of that one post that pointed out that describing him as "tender and mild" made the baby jesus sound like fried chicken, and i keep remembering it and laughing instead of holding the notes. 8/10

the first noel: the words and the tune are completely out of sync. the lyrics don't scan, like, at all. you're stuck holding awkward notes, which really brings out the forced rhymes. points deducted for making me pronounce "israel" with four syllables, and that one post from a jewish person with the monty python "i didn't vote for him" king bit, because they make me giggle during the song's redeeming feature, the refrain. point added for the line "'tween an ox manger and an ass" being present in some versions. 3/10

the holly and the ivy: excellent little tune. i like how the refrain mentions the sun rising and also deer. the verses describe various parts of the holly plant, and then liken it to the virgin mary and baby jesus in some way. i'm just here for tree facts. 9/10

hark! the herald angels sing: the title is very excited, like panic! at the disco. i can imagine the herald angels doing little jazz hands. the tune goes a little bit higher line by line, and it's just a really interesting melody. also it slaps, but not as much as 'the holly and the ivy'. 7/10

go tell it on the mountain: simple enough for an assembly of a hundred or so children eleven and under to not sound like shit singing it. the verses are short enough that you don't forget how long you've been singing it for. i liked when the last word on the verse went up a little bit. points deducted for never being on the christmas albums. 6/10

i saw three ships: the narrator sees three ships. this is fucking great. the ships apparently come into bethlehem, which, by car, is about three quarters of an hour from the ocean, depending on traffic. i think the guy just wanted to go boat-spotting on christmas day in the morning, but their parents made them go to church. points deducted for historical inaccuracy, and given back because boats are cool. 7/10

good king wenceslas: the historical figure that this song is about wasn't actually a king when he was alive. they king-ed him after his brother assassin-ed him. this is just a song about a rich dude who goes out in a snowstorm on a holiday to give a peasant some food and firewood. good on him for doing his bit to redistribute the wealth or whatever. 11/10

gaudete: it's in latin and it slaps. points deducted because i don't know latin. 8/10

coventry carol: it's very slow, like 'silent night' but boring, but it's one of my personal favourites, because this is a song about murdering kids!!! yep, we all forgot the baby-murdering that jesus's birth indirectly caused!!! 6/10

in the bleak midwinter: look, i know i bashed 'the first noel' for holding words on notes for far longer than they need to be held, but it actually works here. it's less "fuck, we just tried to sing the words over the first tune we found" and more "let's riff in church!" points removed for a (usually removed) verse talking about breasts and asses, which really messes with the whole mood of the piece. otherwise, the lyrics sound a bit like a hozier song. 8/10

we wish you a merry christmas: this is a song for serfs to sing at their landlords. it is a demand for figgy pudding and a threat of harassment. redistribute the wealth, my lord. give them figgy pudding. 100/10

o come, all ye faithful: okay, so, if you're making this entertaining for an assembly of a hundred or so children aged eleven and under, you have them sing the three "oh come, let us adore him" bits while gradually increasing the volume. it sounds so cool. i am, however, deducting points for the line "lo, he abhors not the virgin's womb," which is just weird, like, "cool! this baby does not hate his mother's uterus!" and also the phrase "very god," which makes me think of 'much doge'. 7/10

while shepherds watched their flocks by night: honestly, it's just a basic little carol. no weird phrases, or butchery of words. the most notable thing i can think of is that, if the singer is the kind of person who needs a lot of validation and partakes in silliness to gain attention, which is the closest thing they can get, they will start the song off with the line "while shepherds washed their socks by night." i hope the sheep weren't being ignored. 5/10

once in royal david's city: it's the same tune as 'hark! the herald angels sing' and nobody talks about it. it tries to keep a bit of suspense going with the identity of the mother and the child, but everyone assumes that it's mary and jesus anyway because this is a christmas carol, and then the song's like, "mary was that mother mild!" and you've just got to look at the poor choirboy like, "shit, dude, yeah, we figured." 6/10

carol of the bells: the tune is a ukranian folk chant, but the words are copyrighted. it's technically a waltz, and it sounds really ominous, which is a nice change from all these 4/4, major key dirges. points deducted for capitalism. 7/10

ding dong merrily on high: this is one of the few carols you can sing in church without almost falling asleep, because it goes hard!!! the melismatic 'gloria'? Iconic. point deducted for making me say "ding dong" and not giving me any time to giggle. 9/10

god rest ye merry gentlemen: okay, so this is one of the songs where the evolution of language has obscured the meaning. it's not saying "take a nap, you drunk skunks," but rather, "may god allow you to remain happy and contented," which is pretty neat. satan notably shows up in the first verse, compared to the others, where the whole 'eternal damnation' thing is kind of tacked on as an afterthought. here, he's just like, "bitch!!! i'm the devil!!! i'm here to eat your souls if you don't swear fealty to this small infant!!!" and i think that's a good representation of christianity. also, if you're in a church with a really slow organ player, the "tidings of comfort and joy" bit can sound terrifying. it's great. 9/10

#helen stfu #jingle blogging #food mention cw #long post #okay i'm going offline now

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aticklishtem · 4 years

Text

Weakness of Doom

((oh boy here I go bringing my bullshit into a new decade again~ this is dedicated to @ticklishjevil bc she is 100% to blame for my descent into ZADR hell and generally inspiring/encouraging the creation of this...thing!! I hope you’re proud of yourself darling 💖

ALSO I’m very sorry if the spacing/formatting is borked tumblr mobile is terrible but I am doing my best to fix as we speak ;w; ))

***

“Give it up, Zim! You’ll never get away with this!”

Dib had lost count of how many times he’d said that by now. Eight years, countless crazy schemes, a couple near total obliterations of the galaxy as they knew it and an almost equal tally of humiliating defeats and triumphant (if temporary) victories for both sides - somehow, it always seemed to come back to the two of them. Dib, Zim, the doomsday device of the day and this seemingly endless chase that remained as frustrating yet exhilarating as it was the day the green kid first rocked up to class. Would it ever end? That almost didn’t seem to matter at this point - this was the life Dib had chosen. As long as Zim was around, he had a purpose, a reason to get up in the morning, a duty to the rest of humankind to keep protecting his planet from impending extraterrestrial invasion...even if most of them remained too dumb to appreciate his efforts.

“You’re too late, Dib-stink!” cried the bug-eyed bane of his existence, waving around some kind of remote with a red button. “Just one press of this button, and every single whiffy signal -“

“...do you mean wi-fi?”

“Zim knows what Zim means!” he barked, an antenna twitching with irritation. “As I was saying, every signal will be scrambled, and without their mind-numbing entertainment, your fellow earthworms will inevitably turn on each other! Leaving the planet defenceless for when I, Zim...figure out how to do whatever it is I need to do to destroy you all!”

“Noooo! That’s…” Dib paused mid-dramatic wail. “Actually a pretty solid plan? I mean, I can see your logic. It’s definitely an improvement on some of your others, like that one with the rubber chickens -“

“Silence!” Zim pointed an accusing claw at him, though Dib could’ve sworn he preened a little at the almost-compliment, puffing up his chest and planting his free hand on his hip. “Of course it is foolproof! And if you imagine for a second that the amazing Zim could ever become so distracted by his own ingeniousness that he could be lured into monologuing until a hypothetical opportunity might arise for someone to take - hey gimme that back!”

Fortunately, some things had changed in all those years; puberty had been at least kind enough to Dib so he could now dangle his superior height - literally and metaphorically - over Zim’s head. “Sorry, what’d you say?” he taunted, holding his prize high out of his enemy’s reach after snatching it from his claws. “I couldn’t hear because of how much taller I am!”

His moment of glory was cut short, however, as Zim launched himself at him with a hiss like a feral cat, sending them both crashing to the floor in a tangle of limbs and antennae. They were still surprisingly evenly matched; Zim was a lot stronger than his size would suggest, but Dib now had the advantage of longer arms and legs to attempt to hold him off as they wrestled for the device. He might even have been winning - right up until Zim grabbed his side, claws digging into the sensitive spot just below his ribs.

Dib yelped, reflexively slamming his arm down to protect himself; before either could do anything, the remote flew out of his hand and across the room until it disappeared under one of Zim’s experiment tanks. Instead of running after it, Zim took advantage of the distraction to seize Dib’s wrist, pinning him to the floor.

“Ha!” Zim loomed over him, now straddling Dib’s waist so his maniacal grin filled his whole vision. “You flesh-bags really are pitiful, cowering in pain from the slightest touch!”

“That’s not what that - was…” Dib froze, heat rising to his cheeks as his nemesis bore down on him, now painfully aware of his compromising position. Zim couldn’t - did he even know what tickling was? Because this would be a really bad time for him to find out.

“...Eh?” Zim narrowed his eyes, curiosity flickering across his face alongside the usual suspicion and irritation. “What are you smiling about? Why is your grotesquely ginormous head so red?!”

“My head’s not bihihig!” Dib bit down on his lip, but he couldn’t stop a few embarrassing giggles from slipping out when Zim jabbed at his ribs again. He struggled to bat his hand away, but with only one arm free and Zim basically sitting on top of him, he wasn’t having much success. “Quihihit ihit!”

A shiver ran down his spine as he could practically see his doom unfold along with Zim’s smile, sadistic delight sparkling in his eyes, and oh god no Dib thought he was prepared for anything but please not this, anything but this, he’ll never live it down…

“Well, well - you really thought you could conceal such a glaring weakness from me?” he demanded, mercilessly prodding and pinching his way up Dib’s side. “I’d...sort of imagined more writhing in excruciating agony, but this is rather amusing too, watching you squirm like the wretched worm you are!”

“Thihis isn’t fahahahair!” Dib spluttered between peals of laughter; he hadn’t been tickled since he was a little kid, but this was so much worse because it was Zim and he hated giving him the satisfaction but was equally powerless to stop his body from reacting as those probing claws dug right into his horribly exposed armpit. “Zihihihim!”

“Yes, yes, I am Zim!” his foe cackled, releasing Dib’s wrist to attack with both hands, one even scuttling under his shirt - which was so far beyond fair - and scratching at the tender skin almost hard enough to hurt, but his gloves dulled the sensation so it just tickled even more. “If I had known you were this easily incapacitated, I could’ve built a device to take care of you long ago! Now, laugh, pathetic Dib-thing - admit your annihilation, or perish in helpless hysteria at the merciless claws of Zim!”

“Nehehehever - !” Dib had not foiled so many of Zim’s plans to let him win this one by tickling him, of all the cruel and unusual methods. There was only one way to fight back, and he had no idea if it’d even work on an alien, but what else did he have to lose, more of his dignity? Arms flailing as he tried desperately to suck in his stomach before those treacherous claws could get to his bellybutton, he eventually managed to grab a handful of Zim’s side and squeeze it repeatedly.

Zim let out a squawk like a bird having its feathers pulled out, letting go of Dib as he scrabbled to slap his hands away. “D-do not touch Zim with your fihilthy meat-sticks!”

Huh - that sounded like a game-changer, and now it was Dib’s turn to grin like a mad scientist as he kneaded Zim’s sides like his life depended on it - which it might - until he had an armful of squirming Irken trapped in an almost-hug, one arm around Zim’s waist with his PAK pressing against Dib’s chest.

“What’s the matter, does it tickle?” he asked, smirking from ear to ear as he savoured the sweetness of revenge - and possibly the most important discovery of his career as a paranormal investigator. “Is the mighty Invader Zim ticklish?”

“Lies! Cease! Ihihi’m gonna destrohohoy yooooou…!”

It wasn’t like he’d never heard Zim laugh before - only like every day since they were at skool - but this was different; less controlled and mocking, more free and almost joyful, even if it was a joy forced upon him as he writhed, kicked and cackled under Dib’s skittering fingers, exploring the surprisingly soft and smooth skin under his shirt. It wasn’t exactly an autopsy, but the thought that he might be the first to hear - the first to make Zim almost squeal when he wiggled his fingers under his arms - that was more deeply, weirdly, sadistically satisfying than anything he’d imagined. “Wow, I think you’re worse than I am! So are all Irkens this ticklish, or is it just you?”

“Zihim is telling you nohothihihihing!” Zim’s laughter seemed to jump an octave when Dib felt around his back; the skin around his PAK was slightly raised where it was embedded, which was interesting, mainly for the way he bucked and squirmed frantically as Dib traced it with his fingers. “GIR! Where are you?! Do something to make this stohohop!”

“Yes, master!”

Dib looked up just in time to see Zim’s robot assistant propelling towards him at alarming speed, his eyes blazing red. Before he could move to shield himself, however, GIR came to an abrupt stop, eyes flickering back to cyan and his metallic mouth stretching into its familiar hyperactive smile. “Ooooh! Tickle fight! I wanna plaaaay!”

“Now, GIR! Fire the - wait, no, what are you doing?! Put that back!” Both Zim’s and Dib’s eyes widened - in horror and intrigue respectively - as GIR plonked himself down on one of Zim’s legs, picked up the other and pulled his boot off. Dib had never actually seen his feet before, he realised; he had three toes, clawed like his fingers but a little shorter. Judging by how he scrunched them up when GIR prodded them, they were also pretty sensitive.

“This li’l piggy went to Foodcourtia,” GIR chirped, wiggling a toe; Zim made a strangled noise of protest and attempted to pull away, but Dib was still holding onto him. “This li’l piggy went home - aw, we outta piggies! And thiiis li’l piggy…”

“GIR - nooo!” Zim begged, and Dib could actually feel him tremble in his arms as his toes curled in anticipation of what was to come. “Don’t do this! You’re supposed to attack the intruder, not -“

“...went weeweeweeweeeeeeeee…!” GIR hugged Zim’s foot and scribbled furiously all over it, his tiny metal hands a blur as his master shrieked with laughter, helpless to escape his ticklish doom.

“How’s it feel, Zim, betrayed by your own minion?” Dib snickered along with him as it occurred to him he should probably be recording or taking photos of possibly the greatest moment of his life to date, but holding Zim captive and laughing helplessly was way too satisfying, tickling under his arms while GIR happily went to town on his foot. “Maybe I’ll just keep you like this - you’re not much of a threat to the Earth when you’re just a cute little giggly alien puddle…”

“Wh-whahahahahaaaaa?!”

The sheer incredulous outrage in Zim’s voice tore through the air, and Dib couldn’t help but wince, recoiling as the ear-splitting screech assaulted his eardrums. As his grip loosened, Zim wriggled free and kicked GIR off of him, scrambling back to his feet, and the chaos was replaced by an unusual and equally uncomfortable silence. (Apart from GIR eating popcorn out of his head as he watched them, and that was the most normal thing about this situation.)

“I - uh...“

“He thinks you cuuuute!” GIR giggled, grabbing Zim’s cheeks and squishing them together comically.

“No I don’t!” Dib felt his face flush under the spotlight of both GIR’s carefree smile and Zim’s laser-beam glare, the protest coming out just a little too quickly. “I was teasing you - it’s just a thing people say when they…”

He trailed off, because man, things had gotten weird, even by their standards. But this was still Zim, and he was still a jerk and evil and the total opposite of cute, even a little breathless with his clothes all rumpled and one foot still bare, antennae lowered and quivering and what looked suspiciously like an olive-coloured blush staining his cheeks. That warm feeling was just Dib enjoying the sight of his enemy humiliated in defeat, like anyone would. Right? That made sense.

“Give me my boot, GIR.”

“Go long!”

Zim caught the offending item without looking, but instead of putting it back on he hurled it at Dib, who dodged just before it smacked him in the face, bouncing off his shoulder instead.

“Ow - hey, that’s sharp!”

“Good! Suffer! That’s what you get for trying to taint the mighty name of Zim with your disgusting lies like…” He screwed up his face as if he could barely bring himself to spit out the word, making dramatic finger-quotes, “cute!”

“Okay, geez! It’s not like I meant it…” Dib rubbed his shoulder, shifting awkwardly - he wished they’d stop repeating the word like that. But even this momentary weirdness couldn’t change the fact that he’d just uncovered a significant weakness in his nemesis, even if he inconveniently shared it. He’d be an idiot not to exploit this for all it was worth, a smug grin tugging at his lips again as he picked up Zim’s boot. “But thanks for this. I bet I can get all kinds of useful evidence from a genuine article of alien clothing…”

“You…!” Zim’s eyes almost bugged out of his head as he let out an indignant splutter - only to break into a dangerously familiar smile before activating his PAK legs, towering over Dib with a renewed gleam of vengeance in his eye. “Enjoy your last few seconds of freedom, Dib-worm - we shall soon settle who is cute!”

“I’d like to see you - wait, what?!”

Dib didn’t have time to figure out what Zim meant by that as he darted for an escape route, still clutching Zim’s boot - but when he was quickly seized and hoisted into the air by a pair of metal spider legs, he was pretty sure things were only about to get a whole lot weirder.

But this was the life he’d chosen - and would he really want it any other way?

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thetomorrowshow · 5 years

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Mutually Beneficial Ch. xxiii

First - Previous - Next - Chapter list

Recommended listening: AJR - Karma

Tw: Roman’s just not having a good time of it y’all

A/N: This is the chapter where every ‘Virgil’ was replaced with ‘Vurgul’. I was . . . very sleep-deprived. I am pretty proud of it, though.

“Roman.”

Roman froze. He knew he should have gone straight to his room and not gone downstairs. Curse his sudden craving for chicken and waffles. He slowly turned. Logan sat in the armchair in the corner of the living room.

“Ah, Logan!” he tried. “How's it going?”

The steely gaze he was met with answered him.

Logan stood, a blanket falling off his lap, revealing grey pajama pants. It reminded Roman that he himself was wearing pajamas, a fact he'd forgotten during his time in the Imagination.

“Do you know how long it's been?” If possible, Logan sounded even more tired than he looked—which was exhausted. The bags under his eyes were so large, Roman thought they might be able to hold an airpod in each one, a rather revolutionary way of storing them. He shook the thought away. That was a stupid thing to come up with—he wasn't Remus, after all.

Roman had an idea of how long it had been, but he said nothing.

“Five hours.” When Roman didn't respond, Logan reiterated. “It has been five hours and twenty-one minutes. Thomas is exhausted. You are aware he has trouble sleeping when you are in the Imagination. Why did you not return home in the time frame I gave you?”

The disapproving tone hit Roman like a ton of bricks. The tears he'd thought were all cried-out threatened to make an appearance. Couldn't Logan tell he felt awful? Of course not, that was ridiculous, and a babyish thing to think. Logan was a 2005 Dell laptop, old and tired and boring and oblivious to feelings. All Roman wanted was for someone to tell him that yeah, things sucked, but they loved him anyway and were proud of him. Was that too much to ask?

“I'll go up to my room,” Roman heard himself mumble. His heart was screaming out for whatever comfort food he could find in the kitchen, but he ignored it and shuffled back toward the staircase.

“Roman, I'm not done speaking.” Roman turned back. Logan looked almost concerned. “You have not been your usual self today,” Logan continued. “Is something wrong? Are you sulking due to a lack of attention?”

Attention was everything he didn't (and did?) want at the moment. Most of Roman wanted to be left alone, wanted everyone to mind their own business and pretend like nothing was wrong. The rest of him wanted them to acknowledge that no, he was not okay, but reassure him that they were here for him every step of the way.

The two conflicting feelings fighting for dominance, Roman said nothing. He ignored Logan's repeated use of his name and trudged up the stairs. He paused at his own bedroom door and looked past it. He could pop in on Patton, see if the fatherly Side was still awake and up for a visit.

He decided against it. He knew Patton would welcome him with open arms, but he really didn't want to bother him. Besides, Patton would probably want to talk with him about what was wrong, ask questions that were too tender to ask.

Roman realized, with a start, that the companionship he desired was Virgil's. Virgil wouldn't ask questions, wouldn't try too hard to make him feel better. Virgil would pop in a Disney movie and grab blankets, and the two of them would enjoy the film until Roman felt reassured and calm enough to sleep. Roman missed Virgil.

Tears once again trying to force themselves from his eyes, Roman quietly went into his own room, shut the door, and collapsed on his bed.

Roman rolled over to his side, sleep blurring his vision. Footsteps up the stairs alerted him to someone coming up to the hall, and he quickly buried himself in blankets. No doubt Logan would be coming to try to talk to him. Sure enough, his door creaked open. A moment passed, then his bed dipped as someone sat on the corner.

“Roman.”

That was Logan. Roman continued to breathe evenly and feign sleep.

“Roman. Roman.”

Logan was persistent. Well, too bad, because Roman's most prominent trait was his dedication. Nobody was going to wake him up from a false sleep.

“Roman, I don't know what the matter is, and I won't unless you tell me.” Logan sounded annoyed. Roman resolved further to not tell him.

“I will be leaving this morning. Please don't let Patton follow. And don't follow yourself, either.”

Roman almost sat up just to say “screw you, I'm coming”, but caught himself just in time and turned the movement into a shift in position.

“I've had an idea. I think I may know a way to get Virgil back. I will possibly be gone for an extended length of time, depending on whether or not my theory is correct. I trust you to take care of Patton.”

The mattress sprang as the weight left it. Roman almost let him go. He almost thought good riddance and went back to sleep. Last minute, he remembered his promise to Virgil.

Roman promised protect them.

“Logan, wait.”

Roman sat up. He could now see the satchel slung over Logan's shoulder, the jacket covering the black polo. Logan paused and turned back. He appeared to have gotten some sleep, but his eyes showed depths of weariness.

“I made a promise,” Roman began, “to keep you and Patton safe. And maybe . . . maybe I've already failed,” he said, thinking of Remus. “But I can't let you walk right into what could be a trap.”

“Roman, I did not request permission.”

“For the best, because I'm not going to grant it.”

Logan's satchel fell to the floor with a heavy thunk. It was clear that he'd been looking for any reason to stay. However, Roman knew that Logan's stubbornness would insist he go anyway. He was proved correct by Logan's next words.

“I can't help you here. I have no reason to stay without knowing what I can do to assist in improving your current condition.”

“I'll tell you everything.” Roman heard the words slip out of his mouth and instantly regretted them. Too late. “Please stay. If not for me, then for Virgil, and Patton.”

Logan shook himself. “Ah, Patton. I ought to check up on him.” He abandoned his satchel and made for the door.

Roman rolled out of bed and shuffled after Logan, headed toward Patton's room. The moral Side wasn't there; Roman assumed Patton was in the bathroom or downstairs. Then he noticed Logan's face pale. Then he saw the folded sheet of paper on Patton's neatly-made bed.

RoLo (haha!),

I hope this letter finds you well. Don't know how it could, though—it doesn't have eyes!

Thanks for sharing your theory with me, Logan. I think I know where it is, so I'll find it. I was blindfolded for part of the way, and, uh, I don't remember the way from when Ro led us, so, uh, I don't know why I'm writing these 'uh's down, I'm writing in pencil, I should have erased them, but too late now—I've already written a bunch after them and then there would be these weird gaps in between words and the eraser might smudge some some stuff so I'll just leave them in. Anyway, er, I don't really know how to say this.

I uh, I might be gone for a while. So I had a message for the both of you. I prepared this in advance, so all I have to do is copy it down. No weird pauses or 'uh's!

Logan, thank you for taking such good care of us. I promise I'm not trying to get Virgil! Please don't come after me. I can do this!

Roman, it's okay to not be okay all the time. You guys taught me that. All sun all the time sounds nice, but a world without rain is a dessert desert. You'll get through whatever this is.

Love you, kiddos! Please don't worry about me. I'm fine.

-Patton

The two didn't speak as the reread the letter. Roman found himself frantically wiping at sudden wetness in his eyes—Patton always knew just what to say.

Finally, Logan broke the silence.

“That . . . run-on sentence. Truly horrifying.”

TAGLIST (please let me know if you want to be added/removed): @i-can-get-extra-with-my-ships @kai-the-person @stop-it-anxiety @shitpost-sides @bl00scl00s @charakitcat @ainsleyf @sandersstuffsblog @ginnyfox617 @enragedbees @minty4green @eggy-boyo @escalatingtoofast @hayden-going-insane @piixelations @supersoftsupersleep @crowsmadreadful @hpdmmdundtl @imnotjustanxiety @thenewlarislynn @mooniecoockie @eden607 @sanderssidesweirdo @cali-the-dreamer @thedukeofdeodorant-main @hankaa-aaaa @atlasistryingherbest

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years

Text

First off, how are you feeling today? Just in my moody mood like I am off and on everyday.

How’s the weather? Cold.

Do you own any fingerless gloves? Nope.

What is your opinion on lederhosen? Not my thing.

Last time you went out to eat, where did you go? My brother and I had lunch at this local burger place in the mall after doing some Christmas shopping yesterday.

^ What did you order? ..was it tasty? Chicken tenders with beer battered garlic fries. It was really good. The fries were bomb.

Do you write things down that you find funny so you don’t forget? No, but I save or screen shot funny stuff online.

Tell me about the last animal you touched. That’s my adorable doggo, Princess Leia. She’s a German Shepherd/Lab mix.

Have you ever witnessed a birth? Only when we watched The Miracle of Birth in middle school. :X Gahhhhh.

Can you see your reflection from where you are sitting? If I looked at my phone.

Quick! Sniff the air. What can you smell? My bowel of Ramen next to me.

What color are the walls in the room you are in? White.

Have you ever been in a restroom that actually had a restroom attendant? No.

^^ Isn’t that awkward? I don’t want anyone listening..! Hah. I think it would be super awkward. Having to use a public restroom isn’t pleasant as it is.

What do you hear right now? The Voice.

When you say I’m fine, are you actually fine, or just saying that? Mostly I’m just saying it. I’m rarely fine but I’d rather people didn’t know it. <<< Same. And it’s just a simpler response. I don’t want to really get into it and I’m sure they don’t really want to hear it.

Do you have a secret that you’ve been hiding for many years? Maybe.

Have you ever known something that no one knew you knew? Yeah.

^^ How do you deal with that situation? I just keep it to myself. It can be hard to do that; though, depending on what it is. Sometimes I’m dying to tell someone or for a certain person to know I know.

Does it bug you when people crunch on ice? Y E S. It’s one of my major pet peeves. The sound of ice hitting the glass/cup/whatever when you tilt it back to get the ice, the sound of slurping/sucking on the ice, and the chewing of the ice. I die.

What was the last photo you took of? This adorable chocolate lab wallflower Christmas decor we got from Bath & Body Works. It reminded us of our dog, Brandie, who passed away the day after Christmas in 2016.

What do you look for in a mate? Physically and personality-wise. Someone patient, understanding, caring, and kind.

When you hear someone tell a story or joke wrong, does it really annoy you? I guess it would depend on the story.

Your thoughts on bacon? Not a fan.

Why is it when something is hard, it’s compared to brain surgery or rocket science? Because brain surgery and rocket science are hard. <<<

What are your thoughts on little kids with cell phones? It’s just crazy cause I didn’t have a cell phone until I was like 16. I’m like why the hell does a child need a cell phone? Well, a smart phone anyway. If it was just one like those Cricket phones or something I could see the benefit in that. I don’t think they need iPhones/Androids.

^^ Ever seen a elementary-school kid with a nicer phone than yours? D: No.

Out of the 7 deadly sins, which are you most guilty of? Sloth. <<< Same. And envy.

Speaking of guilt, are you feeling guilty about anything right now? What? I feel guilty about a lot of things.

What was the last lie you told? *shrug*

Is there anyone in particular you always try to tune out? No one I personally know.

Use this space to tell someone off: Nah.

What kind of steak does Chuck Norris order? The answer is probably something like he eats the whole cow or something.

Do you work out? Nope.

What was the last thing you ate with a spoon? My breakfast microwave meal.

Describe the last cup you drank from. It’s a glass with Disney characters and facts on it.

What is a food that you always are in the mood to eat? I have a bowl of Ramen every night.

Do you like sausage? (The food, you creep.) No.

Ever held a newborn animal? No.

Is there anything you’re in denial about? What? I don’t think so.

Use this space to confess something: Nah.

Fill in the blanks. I wish ____ would ____. I wish my health would improve.

Who was the last person you shared an inside joke with? My brother.

Do you ever go to wholesale clubs around dinner time to get free samples? No.

Have you ever been to a Chinatown? Yes.

Do you like Ritz Bits? If so, cheese or peanutbutter? Both are good.

Do you prefer chunky or creamy peanut butter? Creamy.

How do you like your eggs? Scrambled, sunny-side up, hard boiled, deviled, and an egg sandwich.

If a tree falls and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? Yes and no.

Of course it does. Physics still apply whether anyone is there or not. There’s a philosophical answer to this, though. I remember discussing it in a philosophy class years ago, but I forget exactly what was said. Something about observation and perception. Basically, if there’s no one around to perceive the vibrations then there’s no sound.

Do you stop to pick up heads-up pennies? Sometimes. Not heads-up pennies specifically, just a penny in general.

Do you make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles? I used to.

^ If you tell anyone, does that automatically void the wish? I used to think that as a kid.

Have you ever been to Boston? Nope.

^^ If so, what’s your favorite neighborhood/part of the city?

Describe your hair at the moment. It’s in a messy pony tail and in serious need of a dye job and trim.

Do you ever randomly remember something you were trying to think of then blurt it out in the middle of a different conversation? Yep, quite often.

^^ Don’t you get super excited when you figure it out? I do. [x It’s so frustrating when I can’t remember, so yeah it’s satisfying if I finally do.

Do your pets have collars? Describe them: It’s a cute red one with a little scarf hanging off it.

Tell me about the last person that made you laugh. He’s my brother.

Why do girls go tanning when it just makes them look orange? It’s not just girls, but yeah I don’t know. I don’t like the look, personally.

What color are the appliances in your kitchen? They’re not all the same color.

What is your most prized possession? Does Finn count? I technically “own” him. <<< If we’re counting doggos, then my dog is definitely mine.

What is the last thing you searched for online? Chuck Norris lol.

Do you use any scented lotions? What do they smell like? I don’t have one currently, but yeah. I get different ones from Bath & Body Works.

Do you have any friends that speak any languages you don’t understand? I don’t have any friends.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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twaaaaaa · 5 years

Text

Race report: Ironman 70.3 Augusta

This is the first race report I've written for a U.S.-based race since college. And like a true American, I'm going to do it using bullet points. (Get it? Because we have an uncontrollable gun violence problem here?)

Also, I apologize for the lack of pictures here. Tumblr doesn’t play nice with photos in the middle of text, and figuring out the HTML for it is too close to my real job to be enjoyable.

PART 1: THE LEAD-UP

This was the first race I've done in more than two-and-a-half years. I took a hiatus because of burnout and an international move, spent 2018 building up a base and really started training again this year.

Going into it, I felt I was adequately trained on the bike. I hadn't done enough long runs, but that was balanced out by the amazing speedwork I've put in. Shoutout to Gerald and the Tuesday morning track crew.

My swim is also at the best it's ever been, though that's not saying much.

The race was in Augusta, Georgia. I have a bit of a shameful history with it – I registered for it in college in 2011. And then midterms happened, so I couldn't make it. To date it's my only DNS. Consider this time grade forgiveness.

I flew out with a bunch of teammates from Triple Threat. It's such a delight to race with a supportive team like this. Many of them were doing their first half-Ironman. They're so cute when they're new.

I got into the rental car with my teammate, Ann, and it took five minutes before I hit the first complication for the weekend. As soon as the speedometer hit 65 mph, WHAPWHAPWHAPWHAPWHAP. Something on the front of the car was rattling. So we turned around and swapped it for a free upgrade to an SUV. Later, my coach would complain the same rental company was out of cars, and I'm partially to blame. Sorry, coach.

Most people paid $350 a night or so to stay at the host hotel. Screw that – do you know how much ice cream $350 can buy? The value inn a half-mile away had a soft bed, a warm shower and a stale continental breakfast. That's more how I roll.

Turns out the cheap hotel was ideally situated – two blocks away from the starting line, damn close to the transition check-in and right at the edge of the downtown area. No regrets.

Augusta is … not the most august location. It has a stench to it. From the river, I learned – the same river we were to start the day swimming in. Greeeeeat.

But at least it wasn't Waco.

We crowded into the Mellow Mushroom for dinner to give the newbies last-minute advice and reassurance. My advice in summary: it was going to be freaking hot, relax on the down-river swim and do a cannonball when you jump off the dock to start.

I found a Publix the day before the race! You have to understand what this means to a Floridian trapped in Texas. Texan friends, it's like finding a Whataburger and a Buc-ees next to each other in the middle of nowhere. Canadian friends, same but for Tim Horton's. UAE friends, imagine if a small town was entirely made out of malls. It just felt right.

I got my chicken tender PubSub and my guava pastries for maximum homeopathy to Florida Man. You could hear Jimmy Buffet playing in the background. Pitbull yodeled. The alligators lurking in the Savannah lifted their heads in praise. God shrugged and turned a blind eye. It was glorious.

At some point I bought a badass helmet with a visor that made me look like Judge Dredd. It was good for 15 minutes of confidence before Devon, who tests these things in a wind tunnel shamed me for it.

The morning of, we trudged down to transition for final prep and then made out way 1.2 miles upstream for the start. Three school buses were working as shuttles, but the line for them stretched almost as long as we'd have to walk.

Here's the nice thing about having a hotel next to the race start: instead of standing in line for the portable toilets before the start, you get to bask in the air conditioning and proper ventilation of your hotel room. Makes quite the difference.

This was my first time racing long-distance in a two-piece kit. I didn't realize you need to apply sunscreen to the small of your back, where the top rides up on the bike. This would later result in a sunburn tramp stamp.

PART 2: THE SWIM

The pros started off at 7:30 a.m., and us age groupers had to wait until 7:50 to start. Except it was a rolling start, with two people going off every three seconds. It took 90 minutes to get everyone in, as the sun rose ever higher.

I made friends with a guy in my age group while waiting in line (thanks to a fast seed time, we only ended up standing around for 35 minutes). His name was Houston, he told me, and he had roots around Delaware, Ohio. Sounded to me like he couldn't decide on a state. I declared I lived in Dallas and that made us rivals.

Oh buddy, you better believe I did a cannonball.

Augusta is a down-river swim. It ranges from easy to easiest, depending on the current. There are videos of them floating a coke bottle or bag of chips down the river and making the cutoff time. This year the current wasn't too swift, but a personal record was still a foregone conclusion.

I became best friends with some river weeds. Best friends hug each other and stick together, right?

I did not have to punch or shove anyone out of the way, thankfully. Guess all the breast strokers started behind me.

I popped out of the water in 33:49. That's a PR for me, but only enough to hit 67/135 in my age group. I aim for top 50% in the swim, so that was just baaaaarely acceptable.

3:55 T1, because I took some time to towel the grass off my feet before donning socks. This was not the most luxurious transition location.

PART 3: THE BIKE

My choice of a disc wheel and 50mm front was a good decision for the day. It wasn't too windy and the road conditions, while not amazing, were not enough to give me trouble. The 56-mile course starts off flat for 17 miles or so, then has a few hills, then goes back to mostly flat for the last 15.

Ten miles in or so I see a yellow jersey up ahead. Is that … yup, it's Houston. I ding my bell and whoop as I pass him.

Five miles later, I get passed by a dude in a yellow jersey. He waves back at me and compliments my helmet (yessss). We would continue to pass each other every few miles for the remainder of the ride. “Tag, you're it.”

Aid stations on the bike are chaotic. I've found the best way to let the volunteers know what you need is to roar it. It may scare the bejesus out of a middle schooler when some dude rides by on a spaceship-looking bike, points at her and screams “BANANA! BANANA!”, but that's part of the fun. Whatever gets me my potassium.

Nutrition-wise, I nailed it. The usual strategy of super-concentrating my electrolytes in one bottle and picking up water at each aid station worked perfectly. I head enough caffeinated gels to keep my energy going, and while I came close to cramping near the end of the run I never did.

I keep a bell on my aerobars, mostly because I don't want to waste the breath to yell “on your left” each time I pass someone. Because I'm a slow swimmer but a fast cyclist, and I pass a LOT of people.

You know what the bell is also useful for? Cheering a teammate on the other side of the road while your mouth is full of banana. You go, Jeff.

Years ago, star USF time trialist and all-around hammerhead borrowed my disc wheel and put an 11-23 cassette on it. I've never taken it off. You know what that cassette is good for? Flat land. You know what awaited me in the middle of the course? Not flat land.

In races, they say you only have so many “matches” to burn before your legs tire out on you. Most people burn their matches pushing up a steep hill or going fast near the end of the run. Me? I burn them to see if I can hit 40 mph going downhill. While screaming at the top of my lungs. I may not have the best time, but I'll be damned if I'm not having the most fun.

(Garmin reports my max speed was 40.1 mph. Yeeeeaaaahhhhhh.)

I RODE PAST A DUDE WITH A GOAT ON A LEASH.

Despite the hills, I managed to keep a steady heart rate for most of the bike course. Don't know about my power output because my P1 pedals have refused to play nicely for a while. I can finally send them in now that it's the offseason.

I'm happy to say I passed Houston a mile before the end of the bike. But I stopped for the bathroom in transition, so he still beat me to the run.

If there's no volunteer to jump out of the way of your flawless flying dismount, did it even happen? Conversely, if there's nobody around when you jump onto gravel in your socks, did you even scream?

Total bike time was 2:56:25, with a more than 19 mph average page. 57/135 for my age group – that's behind the upper-third that I aim for. I still have a ways to go to regain my bike strength.

PART 4: THE RUN. ALLEGEDLY.

By the time we got to the run, the sun was high in the sky and the ambient temperature was 95. With the humidity, it felt close to 99. A course record by a generous margin. Crap.

I caught Houston within the first mile, and for a while there were four of us 25-29 men within 15 seconds of each other. Every peer I passed got a fist-bump.

We had a nice chat for the next few miles as we admired the beautiful downtown course. It's a zig-zag through the street, with spectators lining the sidewalks. Many of them had water guns, hoses or sprinklers, and I love everyone who cooled us for a few precious seconds.

The very best, though, was the homeowner with a giant inflatable unicorn spouting water from its horn.

I was holding a steady heart rate and pace for the first four miles, but the heat got to me as it got to everyone. Houston dropped me at an aid station and went on to beat me by 20 minutes.

From then it was all about heat management. How much could I push myself before overheating and being forced to slow down? How much cold water could I take in? Was I balancing the right amount of liquid and electrolytes?

I began walking in the shade of every building and running to get to the next patch of shade faster. It served me decently for the rest of the race.

I came up on a cute girl around my age (they write it on your calf) and had fantasies of using a pickup line on her as I passed her. “Excuse me, can you remember this number for me? 727-555-1234.” Thank God I didn't, because a mile later she caught a second wind and dusted me. How humiliating would that have been?

After an hour or so I began to get some underarm chafing. I asked for a bit of sunscreen at an aid station and slapped it on. That hurt. Then the volunteer saw what I was doing: “You know we have Vaseline too, right?” Oh well, too late.

Speaking of which, the second-best sign on the course was “chafing the dream.”

The very best one, though, was a drawing of Marvel's Iron Man next to the words “MAKE STAN LEE PROUD.” At that point I was so worn down that I teared up a bit. And then I picked up my legs and ran for as long as my body would let me.

What stage of heat stroke is it when your body has no idea whether it's cold or hot anymore so it just tells you it's both? Because I had that starting around mile 8. Maintaining homeostasis is not one of my strong suits.

Three times I called out to the onlookers, “Hey man, can I pet your dog?” Three times I was denied. Augusta can burn in hell.

At some point around mile 10 (of 13) I did the math and realized I could still hit a sub-6-hour time if I pushed it. So began a frantic but calculated series of runs and walks.

Thank goodness I was in one of the run stages as I passed my coach and relay teammates on the sidelines. They got a decent picture of me – I'm only panting a little bit.

I made across the line with two minutes to spare. Then I grabbed a water and laid down under the pizza table with two other dudes. For 45 minutes. Good race.

Total run time was 2:20:39, and frankly I'm surprised it was that short. 53/135, which surprisingly was again better than my bike performance, comparatively. I blame my running coaches.

Total race time was 5:58:05. 53/135, which again isn't where I usually shoot for. But I knew I wouldn't hit the top third going into the race.

Total calorie burn for the day, according to Garmin: 5,200.

The overall goal of this race wasn't a time, but nor was it just a finish. It was to have my body do what I told it to – or at least what I could negotiate with it – without cramping, collapsing or bonking. And I did. I have my mojo back. The heat collapsed everyone's plan A, but I was able to pull off plan B without much of a struggle. I could not have done that a year ago.

Unfortunately, the deal with myself was that if I pulled this race off I'd sign up for another Ironman in fall 2020. So it's either Cozumel or Argentina for me next year. I'm going to try to enjoy my social life while I still can.

PART 5: THE AFTERMATH

I ran into Houston a bit past the pizza table and collapsed into the chair next to him. His mom and sister were there to cheer him in his first half-Iron race. He snuck the pizza and beer. Hooray for supportive families.

After collecting some teammates and nursing a pizza slice for an hour, I made my way to the rest of the team to yell at passers-by. And someone finally let me pet her dog. She was from Dallas – go figure.

The walk from my hotel to downtown takes ten minutes. The post-race walk from downtown to my hotel takes 30. The difference is staggering.

I came back to my second batch of car trouble: someone had backed my rental in the parking lot. No note or anything – just a bunch of scrapes and misaligned panels.

I talked to the hotel manager, who earned a great Booking.com review into pulling the security footage. We watched as a family three doors down from me backed their car straight into mine, got out, saw no witnesses and sped off. Thank God for my credit card's insurance coverage.

The geniuses were staying through the end of the week – the hotel had their driver's license and video evidence of them leaving the scene of an accident. Easiest police report the cop had ever filed.

As I was packing up the next morning, and after the policeman had talked to her, the woman approached me apologizing. I shrugged and wished her best of luck against the insurance and rental car companies. If I have to deal with this load of paperwork, so does she.

In the day after the race, I polished off three meals' worth of leftovers – including two different pizzas. Between those, the finish-line pizza and the week of carb-loading, I never wanted to eat another slice in my life.

That resolve didn't even last three days.

I bonded with a fellow athlete seated behind me on the plane ride back. Turns out his carry-on was not a suitcase, but a reusable bag of fresh vegetables and a half-eaten box of Life cereal. The absolute legend.

I learned later that day that over the weekend my Abu Dhabi friend Leanne had taken fourth place in Ironman Cozumel that same weekend in her debut as a pro. But I didn’t pee myself on the bike, so who really came out ahead there?

So now I'm in the off season. It's nice to get eight hours of sleep most nights. I'll be tweaking my workout schedule to build a base over the fall and winter, and then it's back to training. I'm looking at one or two half-Irons and a full next year, plus whatever local sprints and olympics bubble up.

When I came back to the US two years ago, I left important parts of my identity behind. Bunches of friends, a journalism career, my expat status. And triathlons were placed on hold. This past season has made me feel more like myself again, and it's a comforting feeling after so much doubt and uncertainty. It's good to be in love with the sport again after a few years of burnout.

The hardest part of the next year will be persuading my mom not to disown me if I get an Ironman tattoo after next fall. Wish me luck.

#Race report #Ironman 70.3 #Augusta #Georgia #Triathlon

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kelseyuum · 5 years

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Why pregnancy sucks

It’s so magical! You are creating another life! A miracle!

Whatever.

Pregnancy sucks in many small and gross ways that no one ever tells you about. So if you are thinking of starting a family here’s a quick rundown of why it sucks so far at 10 weeks. Warning: Gross and very personal human body stuff to follow.

You are tired, ALL THE TIME. And I mean all the time. Your body is busy making another body so no matter what you are doing you are tired.

Nausea isn’t just in the morning. I figured out I was pregnant within a week of it happening because I was suddenly feeling nauseous all the time. Just mildly at first, but it kept getting worse. Now most days I am pretty much on the verge of throwing up at any give moment. There might be a day or two where it’s not so bad, but they are a rarity.

Peeing ALL THE TIME. Pregnant gals need extra water and so peeing is at least once an hour and several times during the night. So even though you are exhausted you might be up every two hours to pee.

Boogers and blood. When pregnant you have higher levels of estrogen which increases mucus production which means more snot and congestion. On top of which, I got a bloody nose for the first time in years yesterday, seemingly at random. Then I looked into it and because pregnancy results in a 30% blood volume increase, and then we’ve got all this extra mucus sliding around, bloody noses are common.

Cramps after orgasm. As if your growing baby isn’t ruining enough of your day, it is very common especially in early pregnancy to have period style cramps after orgasm. So on the rare occasion your sex drive can overcome your nausea, those few moments of enjoyment are followed by minutes or for some (so I’ve read) hours of cramps.

Nothing tastes good and food is a pain. Maybe a bit of an overstatement, but eating becomes more of a chore. Foods you loved before now make you sick and suddenly you find yourself being the obnoxious person saying “I can’t eat just plain chicken breast or even look at it, but if it’s breaded and fried it’s fine.” So there’s only a select amount of foods you can stomach and while you are supposed to be eating all healthy for your baby sometimes healthy snacks are the absolute last thing your body wants to eat.

If it DOES taste good, you aren’t “eating for two”. In addition to society’s other lies and omissions about pregnancy, you don’t get to eat whatever you want. First trimester you need no additional calories. Second trimester and on you need only 300 additional calories. That’s 3 Tablespoons of peanut butter gang. wtf.

Kiss your poop schedule goodbye. I’m a woman who appreciates having regular bowels. It has been 10 weeks since I have had any consistency in that department. It’s either one of two things, constipation, or capital D (as the say in Playing House). If I even had one regular poop experience this week I’d probably cry from happiness.

Bloated like a 3 days dead fish on the beach. All that funky bowel action and the fact that your digestion slows to a crawl can leave you bloated up and uncomfortable. The other day I looked 6 months pregnant and it was nothing but gas.

A gaseous existence. All that gas eventually has to go somewhere so you suddenly become a flatulent burp machine.

Don’t take that pill it might kill your fetus . Most of these symptoms you could clear up with a little old fashioned western medicine, but unfortunately your medicine options are limited.

No super hot baths, hot tubs, or saunas. I live in Minnesota, a forsaken frozen wasteland. A sore tired pregnant body would love a good hot bath, but nope! Increasing your body temperature too much can affect the fetus. A nice steamy winter sauna? Out of the question. Going on your honeymoon and want to enjoy the hot tub out under the stars? Forget it. Put your feet in and wear a sweater on top.

Ever drag your nipples across a bunch of stinging nettles? Me either, but I’m fairly certain pregnancy nipples are the same as if you went traipsing through a weed patch. Stinging, burning, kind of itching but too tender to touch, and at completely random times.

Now this is a personal list and pregnancy is different for everyone. Some poor souls throw up so often they have to be hospitalized. Some lucky few women don’t have nausea at all. Just depends on the person and pregnancy.

Anyway I just wish I had known about some of these things in advance. I don’t know what I would have done with this knowledge, I just feel I would have appreciated my pregnancy symptom free life a little more while I still had it.

#pregnancy #pregnant #10 weeks pregnant #pregnancy symptoms

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blackdragon-sama · 5 years

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my breast reduction experience

i'm back home from the hospital after my reduction and i'd like to share my experience for those interestedalso to vent a bit about my nice-but-also-hella-annoying bed neighbour.

i went in on thursday morning, to get prepped, see the doc and settle into my room i was given the choice to either stay overnight before the surgery, or come in at 7 on friday morningi chose to stay overnight, since i knew it'd be much easier if i could just stay in bed until they wheeled me in for surgery. rather than having to haul my stuff and myself to the hospital with the bus, high on adrenaline and panicwas the right decision, too early in the morning, a nurse woke me and i went to change into the very sexy piece of fishnet they use as panties and the butt-free gown thingi swear, those mesh panties are the worst.but, i got a dose of lorazepam to make up for it, and was wheeled downstairs and into the wake-up room, from which i was wheeled in for the anaesthesia prep.a very nice lady (i don't know if she was an anaesthesiologist or assistant or nurse....) helped me put on the hair net and put an IV into my hand, chatting a little with me, which helped with the anxiety. at this point i was glad for the lorazepam, because i was nervous as fuck, even with it. they didn't make me count or anything, just told me to breathe in all that nice oxygen, and then they told me when they inected the good stuff and - like with the two general anaesthesias i had before - i went under complaining about the pain XDit's like, the last two seconds before you go under, your face, or in one case, arms, get really bad pins-and-needles, and it's one of the grossest feelings ever, but it's literally just a second or two and then you're out. the first thing i remember after coming to, is people coming to my bed and telling me to take breaths, or to breathe in deeper.i had a little trouble with my oxygen levels for a while, but they put an oxygen tube thingie into my nose, with a piece of sponge around it to keep it in place, i also remember telling someone i was feeling nauseous, and i think they gave me some medication for that. i was in no pain at all, just super woozy and confused why it was already around 3 in the afternoon. surgery must've taken WAY longer than 2-4 hours, since they put me under at 7:30, and i came to enough to ask the time at 3 in the afternoon.back in my room i asked for my phone and sent a few typo-heavy drunk texts to my mom and my girlfriend to let them know i was still alivestill no pain, dizziness, overall "just trying to sleep"-iness. a nurse came in some time later, to help me get up and pee. i didn't think i needed to, but she told me they put five liters of whatever (saline, probably) into me during the surgery and after, and i do know that getting up is important after surgeryso, she hooks me under and butt-naked me (surgical bra and mesh panties only. sexy. comfortable. not basically literally ass-naked) shuffles over to the bathroom, nurse carrying the big drainage bottles.i could feel my ears rushing and hearing static the moment i stood, but i managed to sit down and do the deed. on the way back to the bed, i nearly passed out, but nurse and another nurse got me back safely and i could sleep some moreduring the night, i am woken up a few times, by a male nurse who comes to open my bra and check the bandages and palpate my new tiny tiddies for anything bad.it's a bit disorienting to be subjected to someone messing with your boobs when you're more asleep than anything, but the whole staff was super nice and gentle with me, on saturday, post-op day 1, i managed to somehow pull at my right-side drainage and the bitch gave me trouble for the entirety of its stay in my boob, and it's still the more sensitive side >_>my new boobs looked soooo teeny tiny! to be honest, while i was excited, i was also a little scared that they'd become too small, but that feeling came and went, and looking back, i know it was simply the shock of the /difference/. day one was mostly spent entirely in bed, since my circulation was still pretty bad, and getting up gave me big troublesluckily, the nurses all were very very nice and refilled my water bottle for me and helped me get to the bathroom and back, and iirc, in the afternoon, i managed to put on some real panties and a shirt. MUCH better!also, on saturday, my girlfriend came to visit and it was really nice <3as for pain, i wasn't in any mentionable pain, other than that bitch of a drainage tube. that shit hurt like hell, while my boobs themselves almost didn't hurt at alli was, and still am, quite surprised they weren't painful. (given, i was taking ibuprofen 600 3x a day) sore, of course, and tender, and feeling about ready to pop with how taut they were, but not painful, i didn't and don't feel the incisions or the sutures/stitchesi stopped taking any pain meds yesterday, which was post-op day 5, and i only needed one ibu on tuesday) sleeping on my back is lame. and waking up on sunday, i had a major headache, that even the ibuprofen didn't manage to helpi think it was a mix of my neck being overly tense, plus leftover surgery and anesthesia meds that messed with my head (i read that having migraines puts you at a higher risk of post-op headaches) sunday was the day where i started to get lots better. i could get up on my own for the bathroom, and even the little trip down the hall to the water fountain dispenser thingie, and in the afternoon/early evening, i even managed to take the elevator to the ground floor and grab some well-earned sweets from the little shop there. the headache was the biggest discomfort, other than the drainage tube pulling occasionally, and my petty room mate... boy... by that point she was getting SO annoying. she had had surgery the day before me, a procedure to put an expander under the skin of her face, to grow skin to remove a mark from her face (i don't know what it's called, in german, it's a fire's mark, basically a large, deep red/purple mark that's puffy and you're usually born with it)i think she's russian? she had a heavy accent, and the first pieces of conversations i remember clearly were of her complaining about refugees and how they have so many kids only to cash in on social child support money (which is a thing in germany, but, well, for citizens, not for refugees...) i tried half-heartedly explaining that refugees aren't here for shits and giggles, and no, they don't get child support money from the state. they get, if at all, a bare minimum to feed and clothe themselves.... i didn't want to antagonize her, because in my drugged-up, post-surgery state, i was having paranoia she would try suffocating me in my sleep. (which i was aware of was purely my anxiety talking, but, y'know, i didn't want to pick fights either way, and delicate topics are best discussed if you have the opportunity to leave.)next thing i very clearly remember her doing was antagonizing the nurse that wanted to put a new something into her iv. the thing was, the nurse sneezed. into her shoulder. before moving to continue with the tubes. roomie gives her shit about that. how it's unacceptable that she'd sneeze onto the needle and get her germs all over the place, and how that's unprofessional and why she wasn't getting new needles and all that the nurse calmly explained she wasn't sick, it was just a little sneeze and she didn't get anything onto the stuff. discussions ensue. nurse sents me an "is this really happening?!" look, and i just give a helpless grin-shrug, because, yeah, it was happening. nurse was clearly heavily annoyed, but managed to finish putting the iv thing into her before leaving a little louder than necessary.i can understand voicing your concerns about hygiene and your worries. that's good. not good is picking fights with the people taking care of you. like... i caught myself thinking, every single time lady next to me went to complain or whine about something (which she did... /quite/ a lot) that, if i am in a hospital, dependent on the care of the staff, that the LAST thing i want to do is being a bitch to them?i'll do my damndest to be polite at least, friendly whenever i can, so they know i appreciate the help. being nice to your nurse means your nurse will do their best to care for you, and maybe put in a little more effort than absolutely necessary (like offering to fill my water bottle for me) and if someone has to sit me onto the toilet becauce i can't pee by myself, the least they deserve is me not bitching. seriously, the lady was nice enough, overall, but man... she also was entitled and just that special little snowflake kind of person. complaining about her boyfriend not taking the day off work so he'd be available all day to pick her up whenever she was discharged... i understand the thought behind it, but i also understand you can't just leave work just like that. and she was better off than me, mobility-wise, she could've taken a taxi or even public transport (given, i wouldn't have, either) or just waited for him until he could leave work)aaaaaanyway, on monday, headache was getting better, and my surgeon came in to check up on his work, he finally told me how much he removed, and it was WAY more than i expected or he estimated before,he'd told me, he'd remove about a kilo of tissue per side, which seemed a good weight, (i'd weighted them before, and they were about 2 kilos each, according to my kitchen scale XD )and it ended up being 1,4 kilos per side... that's almost 3 kilos! that's, like, two whole chickens! i was pretty shocked, but also excited, because, for the first time i really understood how HUGE my boobs had been. and how reasonable and right my decision was. i have no regrets and even in between never had any, but i had my doubts about the necessity of this whole thing, a lot of the time, i felt like it was a mood, or a phase, something i wanted out of a whim, rather than that i really needed it. it was my idea, and i wanted it, and as such, as a non-essential surgery, i was scared that i was doing something wrong. that it'd end up turning out bad, simply because of my paranoia-driven fear of karmic punishment for wanting something like that without it being unavoidable (like my gallbladder surgery) but hearing how much he'd removed, and given how much is still left, and how i now have an average pair of breasts for a woman of my stature, it took some guilt off me. also, by monday, i was starting to feel the first effects of the weightloss. i could sit up without using my arms (which was still being a bitch, because it'd pull on the damn drainage), like doing a situp, and it was sooo easy!even right now, i'm still too overall sore/tender to really notice a direct difference, but indirectly, it's already so amazing! i'm sitting up straighter without even noticing, i can breathe freely, which is odd, but i keep noticing how free my chest feels, like i'm expecting it to feel tight or heavy, but it isn't,on monday, the drainage tubes were FINALLY removed and it was glorious!i could stay until tuesday, and it was good i got to stay another day, because walking around was, and is, still somewhat tedious.on wednesday, i had a bit of an emotional crash. i guess it's the physical shock of surgery/injury and the medication wearing off, coupled with the relief of being at home and knowing you can relax now, i was dissociating a little, on and off through the day, feeling weepy and alone and all thatbuuuut that went away, too, and today, post-op day 6, i'm still a little tender and weak, but overall, i'm doing pretty fine!i can wash myself on my own, even my hair, and i am in SO much less pain than i expected. like... i was preparing to be out of commission completely for the entirety of the three weeks vacation i took off of work, but if things continue like this, going back in two and a half weeks will be absolutely possible. i catch myself being a little too enthusiastic sometimes, like trying to reach up to open/close my skylight window and getting a little reminder NOT to stretch up my arms all the way. or having to take a break from walking up the stairs and having to sit a couple minutes in the house's staircase on the way up to my appartment (we don't have an elevator)the most uncomfortable thing right now is the itching. the medical bra rubs against the edge of the steri-strips, where my skin is taut and dry and it's leaving mild imprints and it ITCHES and it's driving me insane, but it doesn't hurt, and it doesn't seem to mess with the stitches, so i'm trying not to complain too hard. all things considered, and with how weak and sore i was, right now, as i'm typing this, i'd do it all over again. i don't want to jinx anything, so i won't jubilate, but overall, i'm pleasantly surprised by how well things have been so far. i like my tiny new boobs, and i hate the itching, i love how much longer my torso looks, and i'm looking forward so much to buying beautiful bras and all the pretty swimwear i couldn't before, because it would never fit my boobs....aah <3next week i'll go in to have my stitches removed (they're not the dissolving kind) and i'm a little worried how the scars will hold, but i'm also eager to start using lotions and all the good stuff to help the skin recover i will recommend this procedure to anyone that's considering it, and i'm so happy that the surgery went well and my new boobs look perfect! (if still a little crinkly around the scars XD )

#breast reduction #experience #just me any my last week

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jeena-aesthetic · 6 years

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this isn't yourself at all. do all the questions.

wow you’re right, i definitely did not just ask myself to answer all the questions because i’m bored as shit. how’d you know?

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? I pay for Spotify premium and I’m a broke college student, that’s how much I love Spotify

is your room messy or clean? ....yes. an organized mess.

what color are your eyes? a shade of blue, varies from very blue to like a gray-blue

do you like your name? why? yeah i like it bc it’s kinda common as people know it and it’s on personalized stuff but not common enough where you can’t go a day without seeing someone who has the same name as you

what is your relationship status? i’ve got a boy but he hasn’t talked to me at all today ??? so ???? that may change (i’m slightly kidding, it’s literally fine but like i need validation so i will just stress in silence)

describe your personality in 3 words or less funny, worrisome, precise

what color hair do you have? dirty blonde

what kind of car do you drive? color? hyundai, black

where do you shop? mostly online, but target has become my main store

how would you describe your style? you tried to look nice and it kinda worked or it’s a miracle you put pants on today... no inbetween

favorite social media account either twitter or instagram

what size bed do you have? my one at home is a full but the ones at college are twin xl

any siblings? 2

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? probably somewhere in europe, probably like spain or norway or something. it’s really beautiful there and i mean you still get snow but it’s not fucking freezing so it’s a win win

favorite snapchat filter? i don’t really use filters i just use bitmojis

favorite makeup brand(s) i know nothing about makeup lol

how many times a week do you shower? i mainly shower every other day, if not more than that so it depends

favorite tv show? one tree hill made me emo and i’m currently rewatching glee so

shoe size? fuck if i knew, you try the shoes on and if they fit you buy them

how tall are you? fuck if i know, probably like 5′7″ or 5′8″

sandals or sneakers? sandals probs

do you go to the gym? hahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

describe your dream date currently i am in the christmas mood so like if jake came down and we went to the rotary lights i’d cry tears of joy

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? likeeeeeeeee $40 I think ? doesn’t really matter

what color socks are you wearing? orange

how many pillows do you sleep with? one

do you have a job? what do you do? lol no not yet, i’m gonna get a summer job working at a dog daycare tho

how many friends do you have? like 2

whats the worst thing you have ever done? hold on to things i shouldn’t have

whats your favorite candle scent? I LOVE CANDLES LITERALLY ANYTHING

3 favorite boy names meh

3 favorite girl names too much thinking

favorite actor? i feel like i’m obligated to say channing tatum but that ain’t even true... probably david tennant

favorite actress? emma watson probs

who is your celebrity crush? why does no one come to mind anymore....sad

favorite movie? Mean girls or pitch perfect... or high school musical. actually no LEMONADE MOUTH

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? the last book i read was for my anthropology class and it was all about pregnancy and babies... i don’t really wanna read books for a while now

money or brains? theoretically with brains should also come money.....so brains

do you have a nickname? what is it? they called me jeena in high school... hence the url

how many times have you been to the hospital? probably the one time when i was born in one

top 10 favorite songs ain’t nobody got time for that... my spotify username is nikna40 tho

do you take any medications daily? nope

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) yes

what is your biggest fear? drowning

how many kids do you want? like two probably

whats your go to hair style? um. washing my hair and whatever happens, happens

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) both are fairly big and almost like farmhousy

who is your role model? me bitch

what was the last compliment you received? i take each like on my tweets as a compliment

what was the last text you sent? okie

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? i mean i’ve suspected it since i was like 4... da fuck who just comes into our house and knows exactly what we want ??? why won’t i hear our cows mooing at the reindeer ???

what is your dream car? my current car but with automatic locks and cruise control

opinion on smoking? FUCK IT THAT’S THE ONE THING I CAN’T TOLERATE WHO THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA

do you go to college? lol yah

what is your dream job? marrying rich and becoming a housewife

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? rural

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? no that shit ain’t good

do you have freckles? yes

do you smile for pictures? yes

how many pictures do you have on your phone? too many

have you ever peed in the woods? um no

do you still watch cartoons? um no

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? CULVERS CHICKEN TENDERS

Favorite dipping sauce? ranch

what do you wear to bed? literally the clothes i wore all day if i didn’t wear jeans

have you ever won a spelling bee? noep

what are your hobbies? crying. jk looking at memes, watching netflix, making playlists, photography

can you draw? HA no

do you play an instrument? i played saxophone in high school, kinda wanna learn ukulele and piano

what was the last concert you saw? gavin degraw

tea or coffee? tea

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? um neither

do you want to get married? at some point

what is your crush’s first and last initial? JN

are you going to change your last name when you get married? if it has a nice ring to it probably

what color looks best on you? yellow or like turquoise

do you miss anyone right now? kinda :/

do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed

do you believe in ghosts? yes

what is your biggest pet peeve? WHEN YOU LIVE WITH BOYS AND THEY CAN’T LEARN TO PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN. OR WHEN PEOPLE PUT IN TOILET PAPER THE WRONG WAY

last person you called` kirstie probs

favorite ice cream flavor? cookie dough

regular oreos or golden oreos? da fuck are golden oreos

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? rainbow

what shirt are you wearing? a shirt

what is your phone background? whatever the default was. lot of diamonds.

are you outgoing or shy? still kinda shy

do you like it when people play with your hair? YES

do you like your neighbors? they aight

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? yes, in the morning

have you ever been high? lol no

have you ever been drunk? lol yes

last thing you ate? christmas cookie

favorite lyrics right now nothing really comes to mind atm

summer or winter? summer

day or night? day

dark, milk, or white chocolate? white chocolate

favorite month? september

what is your zodiac sign libra

who was the last person you cried in front of? my boi

#Anonymous

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themixedtwist · 5 years

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My 20 week bump date pic!

Hey y’all! It has been a hot minute since I have updated you all on the baby journey, so I thought this would be the perfect time to do so. I first told y’all that Fred and I were expecting on the We’re Having a Baby Griffin blog post and the overwhelming amount of love and support made me want to share the journey with y’all. Since then, I have shared with y’all all of the details of our gender reveal when we found out Baby Griffin was a boy and I have even been sharing weekly bump dates on Instagram just to try and be a bit more transparent with everyone. I’ve had so much fun sharing all of the ins and outs with y’all about my pregnancy, so Kierra gave me the idea of sharing with y’all my Half Way Bump Date and I thought it was the perfect thing to do.

Every Wednesday I get one week closer to Baby Griffin’s due date and each week I feel like it has flown by! The first trimester was ROUGH. A ton of morning sickness, no appetite, so tired, and REAL emotional. Like I truly felt bad for Fred because he would come in and I would just be balling and I had no idea why, well except for #hormones. It was CRAZY! I also dealt with headaches pretty much on the daily and I am not able to take Tylenol, so I would literally just have to nap to get them to go away. I feel like people don’t mention that part of the pregnancy and that might have been way worse than the morning sickness because I literally could not function. I was also unable to sleep.. Like I would wake up in the middle of night probably around 2 or 3 and I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep until Fred’s alarm went off, which would be around 6 or 7 depending on the day. I’m not sure what it was, but it sucked honestly. I used to tell my friend Mel that I could not nap ever no matter how tired I was and then I would catch myself taking 3-hour naps just to rejuvenate lol. It was crazy to see how your body changes and adjusts to growing a human, but it is honestly beyond worth it.

I feel like I got my appetite back around the end of my first trimester and that was when I was truly EATING! It was like I was making up for all the meals that I could not eat when I was at the beginning of my pregnancy. I had gone to my doctor’s office and I finally had the courage to ask them how much weight I had gain and I hadn’t gained any at that point.. I think that is when I jinxed myself because after that point I had gained some weight in too little of time my doc had said. I was truly enjoying the food part of life and whatever Baby Bean wanted, I was EATING. At that point he was truly enjoying mashed potatoes, gravy, chicken tenders, mac and cheese, watermelon, and I would eat like the share pack of the Sweetart Shockers every other day. It was badddddd, but I did force myself to drink a ton of water. We buy the almost 2-gallon bottle of water from Tom Thumb and it would literally only last 2 days tops because I was always so thirsty. I liked me some In and Out too and I even had a burger from Burger Island and I was living. I couldn’t eat tacos much at the beginning of my pregnancy, but probably about the last 5-7 weeks, that is all I have wanted. Whether it’s tacos from Taco Bell or Taco Casa or tacos from the gas station Fred showed me, I was always down for some tacos. That is probably where all the weight gain came from, the tortillas and bread and I am not even kidding lol. I did cut out the sweet tea and soda and found these sugar free cherry flavor to add to my water from Walmart and I have been living. Cherry slushes from sonic and Coke Zero have also been a treat for me too, but not too much of the slushes due to sugar.

My gas station tacos! So dang good!

The infamous Mobile burritos! So dang good!

I had my 20 week check up when I was 21 weeks due to me catching the stomach bug and they told me that I had gained weight again. I was super bummed because I hadn’t had all of the bad things I had before, I cut my taco intake down, and I had cut out the soda and the sweet tea and it still was not enough. I was indulging in a TON of watermelon and my doctor told me I had to cut that in half too due to sugar, #whoops. Now that I look at all the food that I ate since that last appointment, it honestly makes sense why I gained weight cause OMG I was eating good lmaooooo! Anywho, I realized that it isn’t that big of a deal as long as I try to keep my bread and sugar intake down and I am going to start walking around more to hopefully offset the bad food when I do eat it. Enjoy the pictures of everything I ate before I really made the food change!

The famous gas station tacos that I was indulging in. Currently missing them so much hahah

Kierra and I finally tried out Legacy Hall and lets just say Bean LOVED IT!

We went to Texas Roadhouse and OMGGGGGG! So good!

I’ve literally been craving these Rattlesnake Bites from Roadhouse since we last went.

This steak was delicious! I didn’t like the mashed potatoes or gravy, so that is a win for not eating those!

When it comes to how I am feeling, I am feeling MUCH better. I can actually sleep through the night, my headaches have FINALLY gotten so much better so they aren’t happening daily, and the crying for no reason has finally chilled out. I feel like I am always tired though, but I do try and make myself get up at 9 every morning just so I can have a routine. Going to school every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday helps a ton too because I am able to walk around campus get some exercise and I can get out of the house too. Baby Bean is KICKING like crazy too! I feel him mostly in the morning time, when I am eating, and just all afternoon. It feels amazing and it is so cute to see how active he already is. Other than that, I don’t really have many pregnancy symptoms except the fact that I HAVE to have everything clean like all the time now. Like the baby’s room is spotless, everything is washed, and just ready for his arrival even though he has a whole 19 weeks left before he comes into the world hahah.

We also got to see our little man when we went to our checkup and y’all, he has gotten SO BIG! I remember when he was a little kidney bean hence the baby bean nickname and now he looks like a little baby. His skull is forming, his head is already big like his dad’s, and we even saw his little arms, hands, legs, and his little toes. He was kicking like crazy and even kicked the tech because I guess he was just not feeling that super cold gel haha! He is a whole 14 ounces and he is honestly just a super cute little baby so far that is growing in my belly. I told Fred I think he has my nose, so hopefully, he comes out looking like his momma. All in all, our baby boy is growing healthy and strong and that is something that I am forever grateful for.

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Our first sono from when Bean was 8 weeks and 6 days!

He was so little and looked just like a Bean!

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Our big boy at 21 weeks! He isn’t a little bean anymore!

Baby Boy’s feet and little baby toes. So dang cute!

I am so excited to meet my little man in July and I know that Fred is too. We have his whole room practically set up and I’ll add some pictures and links to show where we got everything so far. Everything is super affordable and mostly all on sale when purchased, so holla to the sale gods haha. A big shoutout goes to my bestie Kierra, my momma, my aunt, and cousin Deja because they have already helped make this journey so much easier. They have little man SPOILED and I am so grateful for them.

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His carseat from my Aunt Shone and cousin Deja! The cover is from his Auntie Kiki!

His Baby swing from the best aunt and cousin ever!

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His crib from his Mimi!

The crib mattress his dad and I bought him! Wayfair for the win y’all!

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I finally got my Pappaw’s La-Z Boy and I thought this was the perfect place for it!

His Dream Glider from the best cousin ever! Y’all are appreciated so much!

[show_shopthepost_widget id="3514027"]

Anywho, that is all that I have for my halfway bump date, so I truly hoped y’all enjoyed! I will be sharing more about my pregnancy and doing more outfit hauls to go with my pregnancy, so make sure that you subscribe so you never miss a beat. Thank you so much for all the support, it is much appreciated!

My Half Way Bump Date for Baby Griffin! Hey y'all! It has been a hot minute since I have updated you all on the baby journey, so I thought this would be the perfect time to do so.

#Baby #Baby Bean #Baby Griffin #Baby Nursery #Bump Date #Carseat Cover #Food Diaries #La-Z Boy #Sonograms #Tortilla Overload

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jonasmaurer · 5 years

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Friday Faves

Hi hi! Happy Friday! How’s the morning going? I apologize I’ve been a little MIA this week. We’ve been focused on getting the girls to stay in their beds all night and thankfully after last night, we can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Liv slept totally through the night last, in her bed, and P got up once. The biggest gold star: Caroline didn’t wake us up barking in the middle of the night. She’s been worse than the girls lately! We’re letting her sleep upstairs now and she seems happy with that. High fives all around! I feel super groggy and weird; my body isn’t used to being horizontal for so many hours at once. I’m enjoying an off day from the gym and looking forward to planting outside with the girls, hanging out with the fam, and celebrating St. Patrick’s Day + Meg’s baby shower!

(I can’t even handle these cute lil leprechauns.)

It’s time for the weekly Friday Faves party. This is where I share some of my favorite things from and the week and around the web. Please share something you’re lovin’ in the comments section if you’d like to join in the fun!

Random:

A new play set! The original plan was to build a pool this summer, but with everything going on – there are some big purchases on the way and first year airline pay isn’t fab – we decided to hold off until next year. After school, the girls have been playing outside for hours with literally nothing in our backyard. I loved that they’d use their imaginations to build fairy houses and play games, but I thought it would be fun to have something extra outside for them to use. I found this on Craigslist and the Pilot and my stepdad put it together on Sunday. The girls went CRAZY for it! They played on it for 5 hours the first day, only taking breaks to eat snacks and drink water, and have been outside swinging, sliding, and giggling each day since. Best purchase this year.

Ps. Bella found a chicken tender on the table, took it outside, and throughly enjoyed gumming it on the grass.

P and I spent a morning at the zoo while Livs was at school. Let’s just appreciate this adorable otter eating salad on his back. Goals for days.

Fashion + beauty:

Eminence exfoliator. I had the most glorious facial at Greentoes after looking for a salon that includes natural and organic products.

I’ve been a fan of Eminence for years, but it’s kind of hard to find! I purchased the exfoliator after my treatment because while I like the Beautycounter exfoliator, I wanted something with a little more grit, ya know? This makes my skin feel super soft and is gentle enough to use daily. I just mix it with my normal cleanser and a little water, and boom.

Obsessed with these sandals! So cute for spring.

Read, watch, listen:

QUEER EYE IS BACK ON NETFLIX. #blessed #sothankful #yasqueen

Source

I’m so looking forward to binging on Season 3 and introducing the Pilot to this show. (I really fell in love with it while he was gone.) Every episode is so heartwarming and inspirational. I cry pretty much every single time lol.

Have you guys seen the Aladdin trailer?! At first I wasn’t sure about Will Smith as the genie, but after seeing the full trailer, I’m so.here. for this.

Nick Jonas and John Stamos trolling each other is my favorite thing on the internet right now.

Life before the internet.

What Alex Trebek is really like. <3

What’s your email sign-off? I always do “xo” or “best wishes” depending on the recipient.

Good eats:

I’m on a huge green juice kick lately. Since our juicer is still in storage – all of our stuff gets here from Georgia next week! – I’ve been splurging and buying them. My fave is from Nekter and I’ll usually get green apple, spinach, cucumber, lemon, and lots of ginger.

Kyle, Meg and Everly came over for dinner last night and it was so much fun. I made my fave Ina chicken recipe, some sautéed green beans, and Kyle brought fresh-made rye bread.

I asked him if he’d put together a salad from whatever was in our fridge, and he made the most ridiculous impromptu salad with ingredients I would never think to pair together: spinach, dates, mini bell peppers, raspberries, blackberries, orange segments, lemon juice, salt, and pepper. It was so, so good.

The cookies n’ cream ice cream from Cashew Cow is my favorite treat right now. It’s ice cream made entirely with cashews and you would never know it’s dairy-free because it’s so rich and creamy. YUM.

Love this gem from Trader Joe’s on wraps and salads.

Fitness:

Expecting mama friends, check out this prenatal workout video!

5 sweaty workout finishers.

Another reason to have some protein before bed.

Happy Friday!

Have you tried any awesome recipes lately?

Also, Portland friends: any recommendations for a night in your amazing city? I’ll be downtown just for 24 hours. <3

xoxo

Gina

The post Friday Faves appeared first on The Fitnessista.

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maeelizabethg · 5 years

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Snowboarding at Beech Mountain

In early February, I drove from Atlanta to North Carolina to visit Beech Mountain Ski Resort with Zach and six of our friends. Based on my experience, I’m going to give you a few tips for food, lodging, your first time on the slopes, and how to dress accordingly. Spoiler alert, we had an incredible trip.

Lodging There are plenty of places to stay and several options to choose from : Bed and Breakfasts, hotels, property rentals, and so on. We used Beech Mountain Realty and Rentals and stayed in a dog-friendly house a little over a mile away from the resort. Regardless of how you book, if your main itinerary is to ski/snowboard, I would recommend you stay in a place that has walkable slope access. Our friends did this and we ended up using their house as home base because it was ridiculously easy to get to and from the slopes. In total, it was about a 45 second walk from the slopes to their house. This allowed for everyone in our group the ability to stop for a break, eat, etc on their own time without having to gather the whole crew to get in a car and coordinate leaving and coming back. If you take one piece of advice let it be this: stay slope side, especially if you’re with a group.

Food The mountain offers a decent amount of food options including pizza, Mexican food, BBQ, and so on. We did a mixture of eating out and cooking at the house, but I'll be honest I never found a breakfast place that I loved. I opted for eating at the house in the morning and grabbing straight espresso at the coffee shop located in the resort village - I think it was called Beech Mountain Cafe. If you need that caffeine kick, this is the only place that opens early and serves espresso drinks that I could find. Heads up though, they only make hot drinks (they literally don't have an ice machine) so if you're a year-round iced coffee lover you'll need to plan accordingly. However, if you are a late riser, I saw that Brick Oven Pizzeria has a coffee shop inside, but I asked and they don't open until 11am. Can you tell that finding strong coffee was very important to me?

Alright, on to lunch. So, if you're like me and want as much time on the slopes as possible, there is a cafeteria style place called The Lodge located at the resort that offers food and alcoholic beverages. It's your basic chicken tenders, fries, chips, burgers and such - but the convenience of just walking in with your big ole boots, covered in snow, and safely leaving your board/skis outside made it worth it. Also worth noting was Valle De Bravo which is a short drive from the resort and is where we stopped and ate as we left to go home. It was by far the most reasonably priced place so if you're on a budget (or not) and want some good Mexican food definitely hit this place up.

We only tried two places for dinner and I recommend them both. Brick Oven Pizzeria is a cool and casual little place that also has the previously mentioned coffee bar inside and a small arcade geared towards kids. The serving sizes are generous, the food is good, and they have PLENTY of desserts to pick from (I got a cookie the size of my face). Lastly, my favorite place of all was Beech Mountain Grille. It's considered casual upscale dining and the food is amazing. It's perfect for large groups, the service was spot on, and the menu was the most extensive that I found. These two places are only about a half mile from the resort and as I didn't do any night riding, it was nice to shower and go out to eat after a long day of snowboarding.

When it comes to alcohol there is no short supply at Beech Mountain Resort. They have a brewery in the resort village called Beech Mountain Brewing Company who put on cool events like "Girl Scout Cookie and Beer Pairing" nights and have live music. During the day you can take the ski lift to the very top and grab a drink from the 5506' Skybar, but you have to be able to ski down from the top so choose wisely.

Rentals You can rent everything from snowboards, ski gear, boots, helmets (highly recommend), bibs (which are your waterproof pants and you will want these), waterproof jackets (also highly recommended), and lockers to store your stuff.

First time on the slopes? Besides lift tickets and gear, I HIGHLY recommend lessons at Beech Mountain Resort. They offer lessons several times a day and keep the groups small. We each got personal attention and the guy who taught us was a really good instructor. I’ve been snowboarding once before and didn’t take a lesson which resulted in a full day of falling. Believe me when I say that a GOOD lesson makes a MASSIVE difference. I went from being terrible and having no coordination to snowboarding from the very top - all in one day! Total game-changer. I still suck at getting off the lift, but hey, can't have it all.

Clothing Proper clothing is arguably one of the most important things that you need to have on the slopes. In my opinion, it can make or break your experience because if you're cold and wet you're probably not going to have the most enjoyable time. At the very least, you need: - waterproof bibs or pants - a waterproof jacket - waterproof gloves - tall warm socks - ski goggles - a moisture wicking base layer Depending on how cold it is, you'll want to add layers such as: - a beanie or warm headband that covers your ears - scarf, neck gaiter or balaclava - glove liners to make your fingers even warmer - another jacket or sweater - leggings under your bibs The first day I snowboarded it was 14 degrees and snowing. I wore a beanie under my helmet, goggles, an Under Armor long sleeve base layer, a lightweight insulated jacket, a waterproof snow jacket, a Lululemon Vinyasa Scarf (I forgot my Buff so opted for this and it worked great), Lululemon Fast and Free tights, waterproof snow bibs, thick knee high socks, snow boots, and waterproof gloves.

The temperature shot up by the third day and at the hottest point I was only in a casual sweater, bibs, socks, boots, helmet, and gloves. It made for quite the look. Oh, speaking of look. If you're wondering what people wear - literally anything goes. I saw people in t-shirts, crazy outfits, and even someone shirtless at one point. So dress in whatever makes you feel comfortable, but you know, keep it waterproof so you aren't soaking wet from falling in the snow.

Lastly, see the yellow ski suit in the top photo? Yeah, don't wear that. I found that places like ASOS will list items as "ski" but it's definitely all for the looks and isn't actually meant to be skied in. I would recommend sticking to trusted snow sports shops and always look for the word "waterproof." I've said it a bunch already, but trust me you don't want to be wet and cold - not worth it. Real ski jackets and pants/bibs are expensive, so if you can't afford to get your own just rent them from the resort, borrow from a friend, or buy second hand.

Tip: There is ski shop in the resort village. You can literally ski up to it, it's so close. They sell helmets, boards, goggles, skis, clothings, layers - you name it. I ended up grabbing my own helmet and an ear warmer headband.

Miscellaneous things worth nothing Although I didn't do these things so I can't elaborate on them, the resort does have ice skating and tubing at an extra cost; a terrain park if you're, you know, talented like that; and a children's nursery. We had such a fun time that two of my friends, who were brand new to snowboarding, ended up buying their own boards! We will be back next year that’s for sure!

This trip was kindly gifted to me, but my experience and opinions are always my own. I take a lot of pride in only recommending places and products that I TRULY love.

#beech mountain #beech mountain resort #snowboarding #ski #sking #snow #travel #food

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