#and just ran with the whole essay like that lmao

[dearqueerdeers]

no wait actually as an avid reader English classes pissed me off so bad in high school. before high school I just found them vaguely annoying because it was super easy stuff— the author says in paragraph 3 that daisy is mad. Which of these word is a synonym for “mad”?— but in high school they really started to lean into analysis that was deeper than “surface level”. Here’s the thing. I’ve been writing fanfiction since I was 11. I know how to read between the lines. I know how to analyze shit. Been doing it forever. So I get to English classes where they’re asking me to do that and I go “great! this will be fun!”— only to be told that I am, in fact, wrong, in my interpretation of whatever current book we were reading.

This happened a lot for a lot of books (I am autistic lmao), but the one that infuriates me to this day is when we read Things Fall Apart in my senior year English class. Note that we did not read Heart of Darkness, which supposedly this book was a response to, so I could very well be missing a chunk of analysis here. It essentially followed a man living in Nigeria pre-colonialism and followed his life as European “missionaries” slowly started invading the surrounding area & eventually his home. According to my English teacher, Heart of Darkness portrayed the indigenous people in African in a very negative light and erased a lot of their culture, and Things Fall Apart was written as a rebuttal to showcase the rich culture and interior lives of the people portrayed as “savages” in Heart of Darkness.

And yes, the book did a wonderful job of showcasing the presence of a thriving culture and the personhood of those living in Nigeria! However. This teacher absolutely refused to hear any analysis that painted the main character in a bad light. If you pointed out that any of his actions were bad and suggested that he had personal growth to do, she’d shut you down immediately. I specifically was told “it’s a different culture and you can’t judge them based on our cultural standards.” My class was told the protagonist was a good guy trying his best, & that’s what the book was trying to showcase. If you listened to my English teacher without ever touching this book, you’d probably think it was about a guy doing his best and who therefore didn’t deserve the violence he experienced at the hands of the colonizers. (Disclaimer here that shouldn’t need to be said but I’m saying it anyways: You can’t “deserve” to be colonized. No culture or individual person should ever be forced to endure colonization. Full stop, period, end of story.)

Here’s the thing. This dude sucked balls, guys. He murders his adopted son. He hits his kids. He abuses his wives. & the whole time shows no learning from any of these actions. And those actions formed my analysis of the book! My analysis was that this guy sucked hard and the point of the book was that even when people suck, colonization is bad. My TEACHER’S analysis (and the only analysis she allowed us to discuss) was that this guy was a good guy and the point of the book was to make us feel bad that a good guy was the victim of colonization. I don’t even think I need to unpack why that’s totally bullshit, y’all have reading comprehension skills lmao.

To this day I still bitch about this book and this unit to my friends who were in that class. Not that any media analysis should ever be considered “right” or “wrong,” but to be told I was wrong in my analysis when I so very clearly was not was infuriating.

[musical-chick-13]

I think people who pick one character from AsoIaF/GoT to be The Protagonist are missing the point, because pretty much all of the characters think THEY are The Protagonist™ and that’s ultimately what screws them over.

(I also want to preface this by saying that that’s the reason I find these characters so interesting, and that this is not meant to insult any of them. I LOVE this story, and this is one of the many reasons why.)

Cersei thinks she’s the Villain Protagonist™ of a gritty drama. Even if it doesn’t make sense for things to work out for her, she assumes they will, seeing everyone around her as faceless idiots serving her narrative. Anyone and everyone will betray her because that’s what always happens in stories like this, so she won’t give them a chance to ever get there. People will move the way she assumes they will; everyone is predictable and stupid and shallow and cowardly. And as such, no one possesses the necessary skills to take her down. If she’s more ruthless and ambitious and paranoid than everyone else, she’ll get what she wants. But that’s not how life actually works, so all she does is alienate those around her, even necessary allies. People aren’t always predictable, not all of them are compliant or subservient or easily-frightened or incompetent. And if you prioritize ruthlessness and distrust, the people who aren’t those things aren’t going to see any reason to keep you around or give you aid.

Jaime thinks he’s a Cynical Misunderstood Antihero. He doesn’t need to work on bettering himself or de-internalizing his violent impulses, because he’s not the problem, it’s society, it’s people’s incorrect assessment of him. Look, he made a friend in Brienne, that must mean he’s not all bad, right? He thinks this story ends in a Public Image Rehabilitation, but he still conflates love with violence, and he still has a fucked up relationship with consent, he’s arrogant to a fault, he still insults Brienne (and just about everyone else) when the opportunity presents itself, and he never bothers trying to change that. And it’s all of this that prevents him from every truly becoming a good person. He’s so mired in this idea of being misunderstood that he doesn’t make a concerted effort to prove that he actually is. People think he’s an oath-breaker, that he has too big of an ego, that he doesn’t care about the people he swore to protect, and he thinks that simply going, “Yeah, but they don’t have the whole picture” is enough in and of itself to prove them wrong because, in a lot of stories, it is. But all his behavior does is cement his reputation as these things.

Dany thinks she’s The Chosen One, which means whatever she does is automatically the right decision. People will accept her rule because it’s hers, she deserves it, it’s morally right. All of her enemies are blanketedly wrong on all accounts in all cases. Her goals supersede anyone else’s because those goals are the way to a Happy Ending, and she doesn’t consider that other people might not see it that way. Many people’s gripes with her stem from gross places like misogyny or wanting to continue keeping slaves, but she forgets to acknowledge that some people’s issues with her might actually be valid. And that The Chosen One is actually a terrifying idea to people outside that person’s immediate personal context. She has three sentient WMDs, essentially. And if she thinks that using them is always morally correct, that the fallout from doing so can’t possibly be a problem because she’s using them and it’s for a noble cause, you end up with what happened in Astapor; and you end up with Drogon killing a child in Mereen and, eventually, her demise at the end of the show.

Sansa starts out thinking she’s an Optimistic Child Hero in a fairytale. This leads to her being held captive at court (she trusted that the authority figures were benevolent), writing a letter to her family that almost comes back to bite her to a deadly degree once her sister finds out in the show (she thought she could solve everything herself via a peaceful resolution), and to her trusting a complete monster of a boy until it’s too late (she thought he was Prince Charming). She thinks that being the Soft, Beautiful Heroine means people will love her and everything will end nicely and neatly, but sometimes instead of “love”, people just take advantage of you. And sometimes their reaction to your beauty isn’t innocent appreciation-sometimes you end up with Littlefinger. (Or Tyrion or The Hound who...let’s just leave it at “they have their own issues,” especially book-wise.) This morphs into assuming that a fairytale-esque betrayal will befall her with every new person she meets. It’s why she defends Petyr after his murder of Lysa, and it’s why she doesn’t leave with Brienne; if she’s going to be betrayed anyway, she might as well at least stick with a villain she understands.

Ned thinks he’s the Noble Hero in a typical fantasy series. He doesn’t consider everyone else’s capacity for cruelty or the idea that honor alone might not be enough. Sometimes there are no perfect choices, sometimes mercy does not give you the end goal you envisioned, and sometimes you can try your best and that can all be undone by one impulsive, unforeseeable action. You can’t honor your way out of ruthless political conflict.

Robb thinks he’s a Romantic War Hero, and thus everything will magically work out for him. His ideals and his marriage will conquer everything. But he broke a marriage promise to a powerful family, and that has consequences. The world won’t bend to his will, not even if he is doing the right thing or has noble goals, not even if he’s had war success, not even if the people at home love him, not even if he’s in love (show) or doing the most honorable thing he can (books). He thinks that being the hero means he can make it through Westeros without having to play the game, and he gets murdered for it.

Theon thinks he’s an Underdog Outcast Hero. He’ll come up from behind with an unsuspecting War Victory, and that will earn him respect, the love of his family, and a legacy he can look back on with pride. And that mindset leads him to murder two children, to drive away any allies and good grace he had at Winterfell, and the reason that the War Victory he imagined was so unexpected is because it’s completely untenable. He gets more and more desperate and it’s increasingly harder and harder to hold onto the control he’s managed to obtain. He has reasons for wanting this that make sense, and he’s been dealt a pretty bad hand in life, and he thinks that’s and his determination to overcome his personal identity struggles is enough to not only justify his actions, but ensure that those actions will be successful. And then his plan blows up in his face, he assumes he’s been miraculously saved (probably still having something to do with seeing himself as The Unexpected Hero), and ends up at Ramsay’s mercy.

Arya thinks she’s a Badass Heroine in the making, a skilled swordslady and Rebellious Princess who’s destined for more than this stuffy life of politics and dresses and formalities. But rebelling isn’t always enough. It doesn’t help with the Mycah situation, and she still needs to rely on others’ help in getting out of the city after Ned is executed. When she does try to embrace the “fully self-sufficient sword lady” idea while with the Faceless Men in Braavos, she is told to functionally discard her identity completely. She does an unauthorized kill because she, not her assassin-persona-in-training, wants to (though the victim’s identity differs in books and show), which leads to her being temporarily blinded and prevented from going on assassination missions, and outright forced to beg for food in the show. In the show, after being reinstated as an apprentice, she is tasked with killing an innocent person, refuses (rebels), and realizes that this life is one she can’t handle. She goes home, and her heading straight for her sword is one of the things that almost completely ruins her relationship with Sansa. In the upcoming Winds of Winter release, her chapter excerpt has her prioritizing revenge over her apprentice duties, and she remarks that her new identity is ruined with this rebellious action. When you rebel, there are consequences-this doesn’t change just because your intentions are good or because you are or think you are important.

Jon thinks, similarly to Ned, that he’s The Good Guy, that doing the right thing, that following The Code is paramount. He thinks that, because he’s The Good Guy, that doing the right thing with the maximum amount of good for everyone will always be a workable option, and that the heroic option will always yield the best result. This is why he thinks proclaiming his love to Ygritte in the show will end well (because love is good and conquers everything) and is, instead, shot by her several times. It’s why he doesn’t foresee a mutiny in either medium, which leads to his (temporary) death. (Let’s be real, he’s getting resurrected in the books, too, this is the one thing I’m sure of.) Because yes, everything is tense and he’s on bad terms with the Watch, but surely they wouldn’t go that far. It’s rough going, and he has to juggle the needs of several widely different groups of people, but he’s doing the right thing and that will win out; his conviction will protect him, at least for the time being while he tries to manage the bigger threat of the White Walkers. The real fight is with them, the mysterious overarching enemy, not within his own ranks. This is a story where everyone puts aside their differences to fight a greater threat-except for the times when it isn’t.

Even Catelyn isn’t immune, as she assumes that Petyr, since he’s her childhood friend, is invested in solving the mystery of what happened to Bran when he tells her the dagger used in the attack was Tyrion’s. Lysa is her sister, she can’t possibly be suspicious. She thinks the Lannisters are evil, her instincts tell her that they were behind everything, she’s the Protective Mother Heroine, so she must be right. But although she is to a certain extent correct, that’s not the complete picture. And this slightly-misplaced confidence leads her to arrest Tyrion, the retaliation of which is Tywin siccing his forces on her homeland, one of the major first steps in the upcoming political war. Then, her continued focus on saving her children-something that must take precedence because they are her children, and this is her story-leads her to taking Walder Frey’s supposed offer of a fix-it solution for Robb breaking his marital pledge at face value, despite House Frey’s reputation, and despite this neat resolution seeming far too good to be true. She’s so focused on the Lannisters-the Obvious Endgame Enemy-that she doesn’t consider the possibility of betrayal from the Freys. She thinks that the world is giving her a break-because she is so desperately looking for one, because she deserves one, because her family deserves one, and those are reasons enough for her to have one-that she doesn’t even bother to re-evaluate the situation until it’s too late.

Melisandre thinks she’s a Religious Hero, but she ends up burning a child alive and alienating one of her few remaining allies in the process (and Davos was barely an ally to begin with). She thinks she’s Doing What Needs To Be Done to serve her savior, but it hurts Stannis more than it helps him, and he just ends up being murdered by Brienne. This is obviously in the show only (at least at this point), and I don’t know if Stannis is going to burn Shireen in the books or not. Stannis thinks he’s the Lawful Hero, and thus, because according to law he’s the Rightful Ruler, anything he does is automatically excusable; he’s just righting a wrong. And in the process, he imprisons his closest friend, has a hand in murdering his brother (when kinslaying is one of the most universally hated breaches of conduct in this fictional universe), allies with a dangerous woman that much of his own court despises, and, in the show, murders his only child and drives away most of the rest of his remaining team.

They all think that, since they are the main characters of their own stories, that they’re the main character of the larger, overarching narrative. That having understandable reasons or sympathetic qualities or even just having a clear goal that they desperately want, that’s enough to cement their importance. And they think that means that they’re justified in everything they do, that everything will work out for them, that the consequences will be lesser for them than for others, because that’s what it’s like to be the main character. The whole point is that there is not A Protagonist™ and that maybe we should examine why a story needs A Protagonist™ in the first place and what that narrative tradition tells us. When GRRM said he turned down adaptation offers because they only wanted to focus on Jon and Dany, this is why.

[sarascamander]

Reading the cursed child (scorbus, norvelize version in a03). I read the script years ago when I was 11 (funfact it was the first harry potter book I've ever bought). So I'm rereading it again because I have a scorbus brainrot suddenly (11 y/o me shipped Scorpius and Rose so hard but now I grew up let just say my taste had change lmao).

List of thought gonna go longer as I read:

- yo Albus surly personality is basically me when I was 15 it was like looking into a mirror. Hold on there baby I understand you 😭

- I want to write a whole essay on Albus and Harry's relationship. They both are so precious but they just have a hard time with each other.

- Scorpius is the sunshine most sunshine cinnamon role ever. I would kill for him. I would die for him.

- ALL THOSE BULLY BETTER STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY OUTCASTS BABIES.

- “And be my good friend.” what if I die.

- why do people love to torture the cinnamon roll??? I want to hug Scorpio so bad like baby you deserve the moon and the sky and the world. And the fact that he's still trying to be so cheerful and optimistic. THE WORLD DOESN'T DESERVE HIM.

- Albus and Harry's father and son angst is killing me but it is also so delicious I relish in it (it's just so complicated I love it).

- "you’re kind, Scorpius. From the depths of your belly, to the tips of your fingers." Is the sweetest thing I've ever heard anyone said. I love this quote so much I want it tattooed on my forehead.

- Again, Scorpius deserve the fucking world.

- Scorpius and Draco's relationship is SO GOOD, SO PURE, SO SOFT. They love each other so much 😭

- brb I'm going to cry at the fact that Dark AU Ron and Hermione die in such a terrible way a few minutes after they finally confess their feelings (they were scared). 😭😭😭😭😭😭

- Snape is so dramatic. Girl "you're giving up your kingdom for Albus... All it takes is one person." he made it sound like they're in a romance fantasy novel (they are).

- Head empty. Scorpius happiest memory with Albus is strong enough for him to produce a patronus.

- Scorpius is once, again, a cutie pie that deserves everything.

- Delphi is more manipulative than I realized when I first read this lmao.

- GIRL the way Albus said that he and Scorpius ran away to start a new life in the muggle world as an excuse — what do you mean you're eloping at 14??? (Out of chronological order but I just remembered this)

- Delphi when I catch you —

- Never thought I'd be rooting for Draco and Harry duo yet here we are (did I say I love Draco as a dad?? I don't think he's appreciated enough. He's a brilliant dad! THIS is his best redemption arc).

- "What did you say to our son, Harry?" GO OFF QUEEN (Albus is a confirmed mommy boy)

- RON WANT TO MARRY HERMIONE AGAIN. I don't quite ship them in the book/movie but they're just the sweetest in here 😩😩

- I just had the sudden realisation that Scorbus might be the only couple that I ship in hp that is so close to canon (and was canonised by some play if I heard correctly).

- that time where they were in godric hollow and Scorpius was surprised that Albus never knew the full story of his grandparents or visited the place just bc he was being a petty, moody uninterested teenager hit so hard (he is me and I am him). And the shame he felt was real too. I always regret those years in my life where I acted like that and I don't even have a daddy issue like Al did, what's my bloody excuse lmao (I blame fucking hormones) 😩😭

- okay so finished it!! When I was a kid I don't quite like the time travel thingy and find it very confusing but I think it's because it's a screenplay yk, and it was meant to be watched not read. But the novel version did help a lot (and I give the author my hundreds of gratitude, her writing is absolutely beautiful! And she captured the characters perfectly! If you're scared to read The Cursed Child, read her novel version in ao3!!!).

I'm surprised that I actually love the plot more than I thought I would. Yeah it can get a bit unrealistic at times but all in all it's very entertaining and Albus and Scorpius are very well written, very rounded and nuanced characters that carry the book. I'm glad their parents didn't overshadow their personality etc (like them being mini-copies of Harry and Draco). They're their own person and I love that about them!!

They're not Drarry or even Jegulus as I've seen people say, they're in their own league. There are no enemies or hatred or tension between them; Scorpius and Albus genuinely like each other so much from the first they laid their eyes on each other and I adore them for it.

I read a theory that Albus was sent in Slytherin because he subconsciously wanted to be in a house with this kind boy met on the train and it made me want to cry (they were made for each other). (Although I do think Albus have many Slytherin traits, Scorpius I was less sure he screamed Hufflepuff/Ravenclaw to me but admittedly he can be cunning to).

So yeah, I don't think it's that bad as everyone said (and my 11 y/o self). It's fun and I actually cried a lot at the end of it (I have to watch Jily die, do you have any idea what that did to me???) (I don't even ship them but i swear this book set me to default back to canon).

I really want to watch the play, would die for it but it's impossible and I can only dream.xoxo

[djservo]

crashes in in a fashionably late kind of way.. january is finally over!! 31 days felt like 300 but now that we’re on the other side of it, what books did you read to start 2024? what was the vibe any standouts has it changed what’s on the horizon?

I've started keeping a physical calendar again so you'd think having the month splayed out in front of me so directly and constantly would be grounding but week after week I was just like Omg how is there More.... we made it thru tho god bless xx January was fun!!

in terms of my pre-planned monthly reading themes, January was a grace period where I let my whims guide me so I'm surprised at how many themes incidentally overlapped?? Naomi Klein referencing The Fire Next Time, the theme of internet doubles and online dark corners in Doppelganger essentially being the core of The Sluts, the dark spiraling mystery of The Sluts akin to the dark spiraling mystery of Mysterious Skin, yada yada yada. I luv when the dots inadvertently connect!! right place right time vibe!!

The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin

it's been really nice starting my reading off with Baldwin these past few years, something grounding about immersing myself in sharp indictments of the US amidst the usual new year wide-eyed blitheness. this one was only 2 essays but both gripped me just as much as his longer collections. I imagine it's hard to sort of reframe arguments, pleas, and points you've been talking about for years when things still haven't changed, but each new (to me) Baldwin essay reads so fresh in the way that he contextualizes these core points within different interactions + relationships. I think Ive said this before but it's also so rewarding to read an author's works chronologically because you can kind of follow how their frame of mind sharpens/adapts throughout the years and in a way you grow with them, and his first essay (a letter to his nephew) kinda feels like the culmination of that growth laid out with such care. super special

Doppelganger by Naomi Klein

totallyyyyyy consumed + dizzied by this wow I can't believe it took me this long to read Naomi Klein. I think I'd been intimidated by the size of her books + my incorrect assumption that something so research-heavy (bc boy does she research!) will read too dense, but everything here was laid out and tied together so smoothly + accessibly (I feel like I use that word a lot for nonfiction which is probably my subconscious quest to entice ppl to read more nonfiction hehe) This read like partial investigative deep dive into the online world of conspiracy theories/Qanon cesspools + partial mystery novel about her own experience with Naomi Wolf (her 'doppelganger')?? idk it feels weird to relate someone's lived experience to a spectacle like that but it really was like edge of seat level curiosity/uncertainty/etc. just so engrossing and thorough and THRILLING, the epilogue made me gasp!!!

Leslie F*cking Jones by Leslie Jones

my one + only spotify audiobook experience, cut short amid the last chapter bc I ran out of hours and no longer am a spotify premium user so I just read the rest </3 but that turned out to be fun bc I saw what a stark difference it was to listen vs. read this. the audio rules bc Leslie totally goes off script to add anecdotes (one of the reviews was like 'she was NOT reading what was written!!' LMAO so true.. and I love her for that!!) + an emotional depth I don't think could've been sufficiently captured in written form - her laughter and her palpable anger and her literally crying over... such a robust journey! I was an SNL fan basically my whole life til I went to college so I always love stories about it and I really admire how she didn't hold back in her criticisms. I feel like former members (especially those somewhat fresh off the slab in a way) feel like they have to be eternally grateful to their experience when so much of it is so clearly draining and thankless. doubled expectations because she's a woman, tripled because she's a Black woman, and therefore expected to just bend over and take it (her words) but she never does!! she never tries to compromise her own experiences like "this happened... but at least this happened too and they actually were nice in this way-" NO!! she compartmentalizes the good and the bad so distinctly so there's no misunderstanding, and I just really really admire that, the lack of kissing ass in an industry where that's practically what fuels your career/reputation!! she rocks + is such a funny storyteller+ I'm so glad I listened to this

The Sluts by Dennis Cooper

ofc had to squeeze my old man in... I think this was actually the book to first put Cooper on my radar so it was super fulfilling to finally get to it (even tho I devoured it in just 2 days.. a shame bc it was a slay to read this in public) Supremely up my alley with its 2000s internet mystique, the perfect backdrop for a twisted mystery + ruminations of Internet As Performance Art™, the internet as roleplay, what's real + what's just fantasy/fetish, etc etc. so so so good and while still sick and horrifying as his writing is known for, perhaps the most readable for an uninitiated reader of Cooper's works?? even then I'd say this is still for a very particular reader tho idk i can never get a pulse on what a majority of readers are into these days!! I really loved this though and I'm sure it'll be in my top 5 for the year thank u once again for the twisted ride denny !!!

My People Shall Live by Leila Khaled, George Hajjar

feels more like political ethnography than personal memoir. there is some of Leila's backstory and family and personal relationships sprinkled in (her husband is given maybe 5 lines total LOL), but so much of her being is clearly centered around Palestinian resistance + revolution, so recounting her political work within a collective was her truest form of autobiography as that was indeed her life/livelihood. wild to read how intense she was even from childhood, how Down she was to sacrifice things and put herself on the line... literally getting plastic surgery after hijacking a plane in order to be able to get involved in more demonstrations without being recognized like god!!! intense life-altering decisions and it's like she doesn't even bat an eye or show any regrets/wistful 'what if i hard a 'normal' life?'!! that eric andre margaret thatcher meme but instead "do you think leila khaled effectively utilized girl power by hijacking a plane?'' LOL I mean... ! 🤭

The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov

SILLY + ABSURD!!! a bit of a hike to get there but once I hit it, it was hard to put this down (as is my experience with a lot of classics, I find) I think I really enjoy magical realism rooted in political/cultural landscapes, or maybe I just really like wacky shit (it made me think a bit of Catch-22 which I also had fun with!!) + this didn't disappoint!! truly giggled aloud at some parts, the ridiculousness of it all!!! makes me wanna deep dive into the history of the Soviet Union but I feel like I'll need to clear at least an entire month for that .... will have to plan accordingly 👩‍🔬

Mysterious Skin by Scott Heim

heartbreaking and dark but handled with a lot of care. I guessed the "twist" (which feels indelicate to call it that but I cant think of another word rn) early on but I think that just heightened the slow unraveling of it + made it that much more emotionally grueling to get thru. perhaps that was even the point! I'd been meaning to watch the movie for like over a decade at this point but wanted to read it first so now having read and watched it I'm glad it was now vs. me at 10 or whenever bc dumb tween me likely wouldn't have processed it well enough and the darkness would've overshadowed the journey itself. sometimes it's important to wait I guess is what I'm trying to say!!!

I definitely want to squeeze in another Naomi Klein this year if possible, maybe some Russian/Ukrainian lit. I've focused on Baldwin's nonfiction these past years so I might pick up a fiction of his this month + ofc Cooper wherever I can squeeze him <3

[anauro]

Hola Roc!

How are you? have you been okay? what shows have you been to recently are you planning a new trip? feel like we haven’t got an update in ages how is dass? i love and miss her

Hello!!

Buckle up dear anon cause this turned into a whole ass essay (your fault for asking me about West End tbh..)

I would say I'm ok, but I know Montanna reads everything I post and I will get some raised eyebrows via iMessage lmao. I'm not like... bad, but just really stressed cause of that stupid exam I have coming up lol.

In terms of shows though, I've been to A LOT. Most notably I've seen Vanya with Andrew Scott (and met him and likely his boyfriend at the stage door and let me tell you, the man has such a piercing gaze) and Sunset Boulevard with Nicole Scherzinger (listening her sing in a small theatre like Savoy was a fucking experience, honestly). I've got tickets for Anya Chalotra (Yennefer from the Witcher?? Isn't she the most stunning creature ever!?), Woody Harrelson, Sarah Snook (Shiv from Succession), Ian McKellen's Player Kings, Sarah Jessica Parker in Plaza Suite and Brian Cox... among other things like the Mean Girls. Oh, oh!! And I got tickets for Spirited Away!!! Yeah, now that I look at that list I am inclined to agree with that one A Little Life bouncer who told me I need to get a life lol.

And Dass... yeah, that hasn't been updated since August mainly cause I ran into a bit of pickle and didn't really know how to proceed with the scene and now the exam... I have recently solved the issue by simply deleting a whole scene and just getting straight to the business (I am legit stealing lines from A Little Life in that next chapter...) and now I have to actively stop myself writing, because I.have.a.fucking.exam.in.twenty.nine.days. but dass will return as soon as possible after that!!

[nathanielhsewell]

Ooh, I LOVE Bobby Marks ever since I played Book 1, I don't know why but they have always given me such brainworms, so it's nice to see other people like them too what with all the hatred lol

Maybe it's because I studied journalism myself so I have a soft spot for journalist characters, or maybe because we only have MC's biased views on Bobby, I don't know, but I just like that bastard (affectionate).

BOBBY NATION MAKE SOME NOOIISEE!!

okay but seriously yes we love to see the bobby brainworms!! it’s been so long since i first played twc but i honestly don’t think i was obsessed with them immediately it was more of a gradual thing?? like seeing other bobby apologist posts had me like…. wait why they kinda ….. shsjsk also seeing sera’s answers regarding bobby and their thoughts about the mc and love in general (vague as they may be just SPILL THE TEA girl!!) but also i saw that the whole relationship broke down because they stole the mc’s essay (??? is that even right LMAO i have so many hcs i forgot the canon plot line) and i was like no there has to be more how can i make this 100 times messier and ran with it.

also studying journalism that’s SOOO cool. i wanted to be a journalist when i was younger saurr bad. and agreed! it’s a very biased POV from the detective / agency’s side like that is LITERALLY their job. also thank you mx. marks they literally inspired me to make a journalist mc who’s the older sister of one of my detectives and has a very strained relationship with rebecca and by proxy her sister and it’s been really interesting to see it play out where the main character here is the one that doesn’t know the secret and is competitively and reluctantly working with bobby to figure out where the trail leads but then there’s the added dynamic of the familial issues….. (making up scenarios in my head and adding a million pins to my pinterest board counts okay!!)

[micamicster]

I finished the first season of Veronica Mars! And decided to stop after a couple of episodes of season 2. Idk, I guess I got tired of the lack of closure for many plot lines. The finale was interesting tho, I loved the final villain.

Share your thoughts on the show (here's supposed to be a question mark but tumblr wouldn't let me)

Hi bestie I'm sorry it's taken me so long to talk to you about this show! I'm gonna make up for taking forever by writing like, an essay haha brace yourself

I think that Veronica Mars is a good show that runs into some classic 2000s tv stumbling blocks, manages to do some things that infuriate me personally beyond reason, but ALSO manages to have some elements that are so powerful and so well executed that I'm honestly astonished it got made. These kinda peter out and become muddled over the years, but oh well, we'll always have season one <3

In brief, the 2000s messiness, in varying degrees of offensiveness to the world and to me personally:

The aforementioned plot lines that go nowhere <3

It's case-of-the-week, some cases are gonna suck! What can you do lol

The black best friend who doesn't ever really get any satisfying arcs or attention given to him as a character who contributes beyond letting our protagonist have dialogue with him rather than exclusively monologuing in voiceover

How they handle race in general ofc. Like while I think that in the actual plots of the show there are good intentions (and sometimes good material!) in depicting the racism of this insular hiarchical society, racism in the real world affects the writing by giving the characters of color very little to do, and over all they are taken less seriously by the narrative.

Veronica's rape plot line. I actually think this plot started out very strong! But the minute the show focuses directly on it the writing gets lost in the weeds of plot twists and rival love interests, and I really think the points they were originally trying to make get buried.

Deadbeat Mom ran off she's got a single dad raising her (i feel like the number of single dads in media is exponentially larger than the real number of single dads in life. it's propaganda. and its misogynistic. but I digress)

The stuff I personally hate:

The romances :) lol. lmao, even. (I would love to rant about this but I really think that's not something that deserves to be on what is currently a measured review of the show as a whole)

The stuff that's great:

The noir homage: It's just. It's so good. It's so fucking good. This is to noir detective stories what american vandal will be to true crime 20 years later. I want to give whoever first thought "hey, being an ostracized teen girl is kinda like being a hardboiled noir detective," a raise and a kiss MWAH <3 A+ for tone! Veronica lives on the edges of her society (high school), allowing her to see all of it's pieces and hypocrisy, turning her cynical and aloof. And she's a teenager who solves crimes :D She's funny and self aware of her role, but never in such a way that it feels like lampshading or winking at the audience. They take it seriously--they take HER seriously, and that makes the show work.

Lilly: The central case of the show, the murder of Veronica's best friend and Veronica's revenge-driven mission to find her killer, is where the first season gets its power. Veronica gets to have the noir detective plot line of being haunted by the death of a woman she loved and driven by revenge, and it is so much more powerful here than I've ever seen it in its original form. Lilly is a tragedy, she is an unflinching look at the sexual exploitation of teenage girls and the casualness with which violent men will turn that violence on them, she is a messy bratty bitch of a sixteen year old, and Veronica loves her. Lilly gets to be complicated because Veronica, who knew her and loves her, is telling us her story. There are a lot of people who are affected by Lilly's death, but this show is about Veronica, and her reaction to the murder of her friend is what matters to the writers and the viewers. Once again, the show takes Veronica (and her grief and her rage and her love) seriously, and there is a lot of power in that. I think the reason the later seasons struggle is because they simply can't stand up to the emotional intensity that made up the core of season one.

[seiwas]

i am here to give some matcha update (￣^￣)ゞ (from the nonie who asked about matcha brands!)

i found a local matcha brand in my area; it’s ceremonial grade and it tastes good, i tried it on its own without milk and i love the earthy taste as it’s mellow and not too empowering (and bitter) to the point that it tastes too grassy lol (TヮT) tried it with honey and it tastes really nice!

i tried oat milk and YES it tastes really good with matcha! the oat-y-ness taste complements the earthy taste of the matcha, tho i don’t like the brand we have at home because it’s TOO sweet for my taste, so i’m on a hunt for another brand (eyeing this specific brand my local cafe uses in their coffee and tea!)

i also tried powdered milk once because i didn’t realize i ran out of oat milk (ಥ◡ಥ) and powdered milk is all we have at home, AND it DOESN’T taste as good as oat milk! it overpowered the mellow taste of the matcha too much!

tried matcha with full cream milk (yes, it’s a scientific experiment atp) and it’s too…dairy? LOL idk how to explain it but it tastes too much like milk??? like it’s too heavy for the mellowness of the tea (ಥ◡ಥ) much like the powdered milk, you can’t really savor the taste of the matcha (the light taste of oat milk and earthiness of matcha really is the top tier combo!)

as such, to conclude this lengthy study, the researcher… LOL sorry this turned into a whole ass essay /cries LMAO thank you for coming to my tedtalk ৻( •̀ ᗜ •́ ৻) ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧ i hope you have a really good matcha day ahead! (whatever time it is currently to you hihi) <3

matcha nonie i am grinning so hard reading this rn 🥹 i find it so cute and so sweet that you've come back to give me an update on your matcha journey omg that's so precious 😭

i'm so happy you found a local matcha brand in your area!! and that you even tried it with just water omg that's so Real of you!! i love matcha that isn't too sweet, and i know people typically shy away from matcha bc of the fact that it tastes earthy—so i'm so happy!! that we are on the same boat there!!

i'm also glad you see what i mean by oat milk omg i truly believe it is a match(a) made in heaven

i've tried powdered milk too!! i think powdered milk has a really distinct flavor, and it can be a bit too sweet too 🥹 a combination i've tried that's pretty good too is: matcha + oat milk + a bit of powdered milk (maybe 2x the matcha you put then adjust accordingly) it makes the drink really creamy!!

and i completely get what you mean with full cream milk LOL i really don't like it too for that exact reason!! that all i taste is milk 😭

i loved reading your lil observations and notes for your lil experiment nonie!! i did have a great cup of matcha earlier, thank you so much 🥹 i hope you have a really great cup of matcha too, and that you find ✨ the ✨ oatmilk!!

[zaahvi]

Hello I would like the essay about soul blades please and thank you. Also it can be 10 pages that's fine.

(original post for reference)

soooo it's less of an essay and more like bullet points with my thoughts on individual quotes from the passage buuut here we go:

the urge for self-perfection proves to be self-destruction - humanity always strives to do things "for the greater good" in order to save themselves (see enderal), but this is all in vain because, well, nobody is perfect and their flaws end up being their undoing with the cleansing - unleashed at the end of the cycle (called predestination here).

the first shadowgod in history broke through the perfection of humanity - this sure is interesting considering that the veiled woman did this exact same thing. kadath was a perfect society, and she destroyed it because it was causing them all to live in misery. this might just be referring to the first turn of the cycle: the veiled woman smiting kadath could really be something like the starfall, right? and after this imperfection was gone, the shadowgod eventually arose as a natural consequence and the rest of the cycle ran its course

the blades prevent the urge for perfection - as with the previous point, the shadowgods seem to be against this perfection... being a part of the cycle, which was created to combat perfection, this makes sense; but if humanity's urge for self-perfection is to want to do good deeds, why would the blades prevent this? well that's what i thought at first, but you can also be "good" without striving for perfection - the shadowgod could fit with that. striving for self-perfection is arrogant, in a way (example tealor arantheal). as for how the blades affect this..... man i have no clue. i'm open to ideas

and why should they? - well from kadath we know why

ancient, all-devouring soul collectives that want to bring humanity to a collective consciousness - rubbing my hands together and cackling. of course, these are the high ones, but how do the soul blades protect against them? i never really thought about it until i read this part, but it makes perfect sense: the soul blades trap your soul in it. similarly to how you would bind one to a soul gem, except that you're actually alive and well. the cleansing affects anyone with a soul, but not objects, because then we wouldn't have places like the living temple. so of course it wouldn't work on anyone trapped within the soul swords... so yeah, the shadowgods are immune to the cleansing, not only because their death was predestined to be something else but also because the cleansing just wouldn't work on them

the high ones: are they our guardians or do they just prevent us from achieving perfection? - the high ones and the cycle were created after humanity's perfection was broken, so yeah they prevent. but, well, if you knew the eternal misery that perfection brings, why would you want to strive for it? wouldn't that make them our guardians? (well, if it does, it doesn't explain why they have to be so obnoxious and condescending about it lmao)

welp that's all :) if you read the whole thing thanks! i'm always down to write paragraphs about vyn stuff hehe

[tasteful-side-blog]

I was wondering if when you asked for their discord or when you exchanged discords, they were also verified? Cherp rules are kinda confusing and contradictory in certain parts like when it says you can’t move off site unless all are verified, but then the next rule says no discord exchanges or any social media exchanges. So then how would we move off site? Is it even okay if all are verified, but then you can’t even drop your discord handle without being banned?

lmao thank you for reminding me abt all that shit with Cherp it's been so long since i checked up on it. For the record it's still the only place (online or irl) I've ever been permanently banned and I think it's a really funny example of how you can take an active IP with a built in user base and still manage to fuck it up by being so deeply unprofessional and toxic that you're not worth putting up with. Twitter wishes it could blow up like Cherp.

If you think the rules are confusing and contradictory now you should have seen them back in the day, Throughout Cherubplay's entire existence there was never a ban on off-site promotion or exchanges and Cherp's rules about when/how interaction are acceptable have been showing up piecemeal ever since. At the time i was permanently banned the website had recently updated their rules stating that exchanging information was liable for a week suspension. Another user and I (who told me they regularly requested discord usernames with no issues and was not suspended when I was) exchange discords, I log in the next morning, my account has been permanently removed.

I join their discord group and learn that in the discord they decided the rules are changing now and all information exchanges are a permaban, if you weren't in the offsite discord to know that then tough shit, you're still gone.

I went through most of the important people on the mod team trying to discuss this, most seemed pissed that I dare question their supreme judgement Reddit mod style. I'm not exactly surprised the types of personalities who ran and ruined old-school RP forums still exist in lots of nerd spaces. I remember specifically bringing up that at the time the rule I'd been perma'd for still showed up on the website as a max 1 week suspension, the response was "we can decide to ban you for any reason, go away."

Like yeah! You sure can do that! It also just makes you a raging asshole and the last person that should have a customer facing position in your team.

One day someone's gonna do a YouTube essay deep dive on all the random bullshit that happened with their donations/ID verification/etc. but my brief experience with the whole team made me feel like they were the last people you should trust your personal information with. Also I'm not saying I'm a cyber crimes expert but either the problems the site faced w the FBI were unique (in which case, what the fuck) or they were trumped up to cover their asses when they faced public pushback (in which case, what the fuck).

idk dude all i can say is that i hope one day the nerds get the roleplay site they deserve

[mejomonster]

Justice in the Dark, more on ep 2 since I can't shut the fuck up apparently even tho I just wrote a whole essay ToT

I get why the casting is who it is. In retrospect. In sitting here now lmao. Like I said I like who they cast performance wise they're doing perfect. But looks wise not all match exactly what was in my head. (Tao Ran does perfectly utterly in every way though lol). I think Fei Du was cast cause he looks a lot like fandom drawings of fei du. Not my personal image of him (my personal image of him is like slightly to the left of his most usual drawn look). But I can see a casting director thinking "yeah he'll look so much like the audio drama art and fanart etc" (also any skin smoothing just further highlights that). And Luo? Parts are clearly from the book, parts are from Zhao Yunlan (I imagine they wanted a specific kind of appeal you see in certain lead actors which he's also got here), and then i in reflection like how he looks "less intense" than fei du.

1 because fei du looks like he needs a home-cooked meal and Luo looks like he can cook it (which goes a lot more into their both romance dynamics and bigger dynamic of Luo being Feis path to healing, life, warmth, growth, him looking visually more soft and touchable and healthy and in touch with a realistic world all add to him being that For Fei Du).

2 Luo looks a bit older, just actor has quite distinct eyes (they could be similar age actors idk) and Luo seems Iike the increased stubble is more a present thing (with no facial hair in past scenes) so I think there's some choices there with age trying to be a noticeable trait. Versus Fei Du where he feels Iike a rich fantastical cold masked character out of an anime or out of Flower of Evil (he Screams protagonist from Flower of Evil energy but with even less convincing "ordinary approachable guy" ability to act, actually I think in general Flower of Evil fans and Beyond Evil fans would probably really like Fei Du). If costuming and makeup love me, over time fei dus visuals in the show may look less almost unreal and become more "looks like a random person you'd walk past" Iike Luo and Tao. As he opens up more and Luo becomes a part of his life more. So like... I get the choices on who to cast and why someone thought they'd look the part. Luo also we are seeing from Fei Dus pov (like most of the show), and Luos often snippy and ordery and it's in a way funny we see him as plain when Fei du does. In the scenes emotionally charged between them, I think Luos actor is shot quite handsomely, who's to say if that'll also be a trend of him looking more Model esque when Fei Du is emotionally open around him. (I also now that I'm settling into this show, appreciate that Luo looks like a plain everyday man sometimes. He's got model looks when the lighting flatters him. But also it not purposely played up constantly reminds me of the book - fei du in the show visually is constantly Model esque, in the book he's constantly dressed up and has peach blossom eyes and it's part of the Performance, and these visual drama choices echo that Feeling of the characters).

For the people like Me who prefer (or even need) action in their romance, im happy to report this is indeed a Flower of Evil situation! Lots of dollops of murder mystery, romance, and action! A nice little car chase was in episode 1 to set that expectation. I personally love me a good action scene, and the car scene looked significantly better than my (very low) expectations (Till Death Tear Us Apart cdrama looked decent to me though so temper yourself). Just wanted to happily report thank goodness there's murder and action in this.

Luo is handsome. (Don't trust my rants dissing on him lol) Like the scene of Fei Du as a child? I totally get why he's Captain Luo, why he's the guy who "wanted to save the whole universe." Why that day when he saw Fei Du absolutely destroyed, scared, he wanted to do anything to help him. And why he kept helping him for years after and still keeps track of him now. This is the "superhero" Luo that his team at their fondest see him as, that Tao sees him as at his best, that Fei Du saw him as when he was a child until Luo failed him (the whole world did) and Fei as a child blamed Luo for all of it to cope with the hopelessness he felt.

Just. This entire scene. I really felt that awful hopelessness. Luo Wenzhou realizing its hard to save even just one person, the looming threat he will soon try and fail to protect Fei Du and fail and fail and it will haunt him and cling on and he'll try so hard to Keep Trying as hard as it is and as much as Fei Du pushes him away and how awful it feels to Keep failing fei du. Fei Du looking at him for help, the only hand he can reach out to for it, and the realization that even this man who's like a superhero to him and an angel... can't. That no force in this world can fix this.

[mr-independent]

Let's keep it rolling babes, EP 5 The Lassos

--....why? Would they lower the door to the entrance to the club??? Ted's not insanely tall that's just weird

-- ah yes the appearance of Oklahoma, such a great trope in the show. Also Ted's 'constant optimism' is why we love him. Like yes it means he masks his anxiety with this...veneer of cheer almost. Honestly? Relatable. I can see now why my old boss says I remind her of Ted too much to enjoy the show lmao.

-- Ted literally sees himself as a character in a cartoon. He did the whole sunset run across the field to see his family without any care for how long it actually is. To borrow terms from the Our Flag Means Death fandom, Ted is slowly but surely muppetifying the entire cast one by one. He was the OG muppet and he's infecting them. And Yes Beard is Sam The Eagle why do you even need to ask

-- the fucking. Henry playing darts in the bar just like Ted used to when his dad was drinking ❤️‍🩹

-- y'all just know that Ted insisted against Michelles protests that they didn't need a hotel, that they could bunk with him in his fucking full-sized bed bc hes afraid theyre gonna disappear if he doesn't hold on with both hands and holy hell their whole episode is just. Hurting my heart.

-- Nate's dad was a cartographer. Nate's dad made the map to ask out his mom. ❤️.

-- it really uh. Says something that Michelle and Ted's couples therapist was the one who recommended Ted should give her some space, and then later we learn that when Michelle moves on its with that same therapist which is uh. Not great, actually. Can't blame Ted for getting super upset about that, that's an absolute shit situation actually.

-- Jamie's clearly hurting from Keeley breaking up with him, Ted's hurting from Michelle basically saying it's over, and neither of them are good at processing their emotions so predictably it only gets worse from there. Gotta say that's some star fucking writing there, how the plotlines overlap and impact their emotions and their backgrounds feed into this fundamental...misunderstanding? Butting of heads for sure.

-- Ted really must be in amazing shape. He outran half the footballers - professional runners! - a few episodes ago, he ran half the pitch to see his son without breaking a sweat, climbed an amount of stairs that a seasoned pro footballer called impressive without even getting too out of breath....he's damn fit

-- Ted monologues to himself to work out his problems and no one can convince me otherwise (see: the changes marriage metaphor halftime speech)

-- ok more of a personal note I've never heard English commentators cover football before watching this show (yes i understand this makes everything about me more confusing, esp given the mix of slang and the typing and spelling style, I'm an enigma what can I say?) But they treat it less like a job and more like a podcast than I'm used to. I enjoy it, but it feels weird and made up

-- Michelle finds it so fucking hard to hurt Ted even unintentionally, even to benefit her and her son, which is kinda a theme here. Ted's crafted this persona (which yes had become in a sense his true self but that's a whole other essay) that makes it nearly impossible to get hurt because everyone is so reluctant to do anything mean to him so when people are unfazed by this (see: Jamie) he's so caught off guard? It's almost sad how he's made himself so impervious to hurt by making himself so much more vulnerable to it and vice versa, he's just an exposed nerve that can't be cut and it's almost painful to watch

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

Jikookers really started being as nasty to V as tkkers were to Jimin. Not everything V does has hidden evil intentions to “break up” jikook(like they are together). There is nothing wrong with him mentioning Jk, it’s such a no problem, but of course people who take shipping seriously would have a problem with it.

They are so insecure, they like to act like they are better than tkkers but that’s clealy not the case.

Meanwhile me, a pioneer who always said I don't think I could ever be friends with Taehyung because I just don't agree with the way he goes about things.

It's funny you should bring that up now, because it's been a little over a year since I first started using this blog so much, and ironically, it all started November 2021 because taekook had a moment and jikookers were upset about it lmao. It was that time in ITS2 when Taehyung asked JK to cook for him, and a very well known jikook blogger made a post, unprovoked literally unprovoked about how it was an awkward moment and it was uncomfortable to watch and JK was not okay with the whole thing. I replied to her post saying taekook were not awkward during that exchange, and some people apparently interpreted "taekook weren't awkward" as "taekook fuck raw". So they lashed out on me LMAOO.

The posts are all still up, but I'll just post some screenshots so I don't have to add so many links to this. It's just really funny how things (jikookers) have gotten so much more ridiculous since a year ago.

I guess for me what I really hate is the double standards. I've never tried to act like I'm better than anyone else or even that jikook is better than any other option, and as I've said before, I judge taekook by the same standards I judge jikook. It's not like, just as an example, I would think a neck kiss is romantic because jikook do it and then turn around and think it doesn't mean anything if taekook do it. No, to me it does mean something in both cases.

I think I've made it known a couple of times that I understand taekookers, I understand what they see in their ship and also what they don't see in jikook. It doesn't mean I think the same way, but I can put myself in their shoes.

So, double standards. You have jikookers who see tk interactions as forced or awkward even when they aren't, but then they're like "how can taekookers think jikook is forced they're insane they should watch real content", but you are allowed to think taekook are awkward, right?? Then, so can taekookers lmao.

Dynamite Christmas remix. Jimin made it look like he was kissing JK and then JK quite literally ran away from him and left him alone while he joined the other members. I just know the things jikookers would've said if that was Taehyung instead of Jimin. If you can think that of Taehyung, what makes it so crazy that taekookers would think the same of Jimin?

For years jikookers laughed that JK didn't know or kept forgetting that Taehyung doesn't eat spicy food. Jungkook this year: I don't know where Jimin got his tattoo. Suddenly jikookers are preaching that couples are allowed to not know or forget things about each other. Or they outright ignore Jungkook didn't know because they can't explain it and make it make sense with them dating.

Pretty sure jikookers laughed about Jungkook calling Taehyung bro for his birthday last year when everyone else called him "love", then this year he goes and calls Jimin bro as well. And there go jikookers making essays about how BRO is such a couple thing to call each other and hey, there's even a gay movie called BROS did you know? So gay omg. Limp Wrist. Rainbow. Glitter. Dick. Butt.

There are jikookers who think Taehyung should speak up for Jennie because she's maybe his girlfriend and she's getting hate from his shippers, so he should stop adding more fuel to the taekook fire, but those jikookers also believe jikook are in a relationship, so shouldn't the same be expected of JK? Shouldn't he also speak up and stand up for his friend Jimin after all of these years?

Other thing I also hate, and it's probably what bothers me the most is that taekookers have been hating on Jimin for YEARS, and whatever jikookers say about Taehyung, they say it only because of jikook. It was never about Jimin. If you take out Jimin hate, if it suddenly stops, will there be any jikook hate at all? Hardly. Even if the Jimin hate has been going on for years, jikookers only started fighting 2021ish because taekook were besties again and jikook is not in the picture anymore.

Jimin gets called a thirdwheel and all jikook warriors get their screenshots ready and tweet jikook boyfriends 39058904 times. Taekookers have been saying Jimin was hooking up with escorts in Paris in 2019 and jikookers do not care but suddenly saying he was a thirdwheel is a major offense.

Kths had it coming. I literally do not care about being the bigger person, being the bigger person is overrated and useless. I seriously do not gaf if 5 people use a frog emoji for a couple of hours. It will never be nearly enough for all the things they've said about Jimin and made me read about him and made other people BELIEVE about him. They had it coming for all the years they've been the most horrible people towards him for no reason, so I really don't care if they are upset because they have to see people call Taehyung a frog FOR ONE DAY. You reap what you sow.

It bothers me tho that it's been happening for years with Jimin but jikookers never had anything to say until taekook started having moments LMFAO. It was never about defending Jimin. It was always about proving who is Jungkook in love with and who is Jungkook the happiest with.

I'm personally not fine with fanservice talk. I will be the first one to say they all do fanservice, but that's not the foundation of their relationship/s and it's only something to keep fans entertained and excited. They can do fanservice while actually being friends. Thinking that all the interactions are fanservice and not geniune is a different thing and I've never thought that; if you think taekook is fanservice, then you're thinking that of Jungkook too. If that's the way you want to think of JK, then go ahead.

Taekookers say Jimin does fanservice and act like that's his only personality trait because they hate him and think JK is a victim.

Jikookers don't even hate Taehyung like but they say taekook is fanservice because they're frustrated and because they also think Jungkook is a victim, and they say stuff like JK is doing nothing and he just gets dragged into Taehyung's lies....??????????? I'm pretty sure that if JK can decide to buy a 7 million dollar house, among other adult stuff he surely does, he can go to his bandmate and tell him "bro (romantically), stop lying about me/us/whatever".

Neither jikook nor taekook are the JK hostage situations both sides want it to be. Jungkook has a functioning brain, or at least it seems like he does. And by all means, go and call Taehyung a frog, until they stop defaming Jimin, I literally do not care and one way or another taekookers and everyone else should understand that what you do and say usually have consequences. It's only annoying that jikookers are doing this now because they think precious jikook is being threatened by Taehyung and not for the real damage that's been made against Jimin. And I hope they know that it won't change anything now.

[dezemberzwolf]

Ff14 for 3 and 5, and zenos with 6 and 8

fandom ask meme!! ask me.... memes >:3

thamk u ilu....

3. which scene I would like to erase from the universe and why.

it technically was erased from the universe via retcon but every time someone mentions to me about the original moenbryda minion desc. that implied urianger was creepy towards her it makes me want to bite the writer again. also yknow what?? the lancer quest where foulques dies. my boy deserves to live so many other random ass shitty npcs get to live. like ok foulques was a dick but like he was a dick because every he knows decided to be racist at him and he HAD a POINT. like maybe some people deserved a stabbing. and yet 'known canon rapist npc ungust' gets to live? im sure theres 800 other things ill think of later bc its not as if the game is free of weird narrative choices, but ill be real. most of the time theres something where im like "this shouldnt Exist" i just vaporize and rewrite it in my mind LMAO. hear me out about werlyt

5. the scene from it that lives in my head rent free.

everything urianger has ever said in his entire life and also 90% of shadowbringers. its really good. for no particular character reason i think a whole lot about when you and the scions go to storm eulmore and u walk in on vauthry and ryne immediately screams 'no, make him stop' bc hes eating a pile of meol and i know. i know. in my heart. that if it wasnt gonna be too heavy gore and a bunch of graphics, the story intended that to be read as him ripping into and eating that lion sin eater that always sat in that exact spot. i know in my heart they ran in on him mid transformation eating a lion raw with his hands. i know this. shadowbringers is normal and fine for everyone involved.

also yknow in endwalker after [6.0 SPOILERS BEGIN] meteion reveals thancred is dead, urianger speaks and she immediately turns to him and goes 'youre full of loathing and dont even know why you still exist here'. that fucks me up every day. do you know how much has to happen for urianger, whose entire motivations this entire time is that he loves people so so much, to Actively Loathe you. to Hate a scared child. and he hates her because she killed thancred. and he doesnt know why its never him who gets to be the one sacrificed. im fine thats fine [END 6.0 SPOILERS]

6. the scene that I think shows just how awesome they really are.

The final fight with him here he speaks to the wol "not as a hero, but as an adventurer", and asks if your journey was a blessing or a curse. I like zenos because he is very much an exact foil for Laurel and that scene just shows that. hes aware of how close they are, and he cares.. he wants to know if someone 'like him', as the wol is, ever actually had a chance to live a life that could be enjoyable. he's trying to connect this entire time the only way he can understand you... i get if people dislike zenos. tbh im like, zenos agnostic outside of the context of him and the wol LOL but. i think at the end hes able to show that he really truly did connect with the wol. he managed to make a bond and some kind of understanding.

at least, with a wol like laurel.... with my other WoLs its like "YOU DONT GET SHIT GO AWAY!!!!!!" poor zenos. anyways him calling you an adventurer instead of a hero at the very end is neat. he cares about you he wants to understand very badly. he loves laurel hes her princess ok in this zenoswol laurel essay i will,

8. a headcanon I have about this character.

theres so much horny zenos fanart and i respect this i understand where it comes from but im also like. this man does not practically know what sex is and cannot flirt. he has only the hunt. if he fucks he does it almost by accident and it started as a fistfight or he has to be instructed into it. he has never seen pussy before. the wols gotta give him a diagram bc he understands concept but not execution. hes got other priorities.

also in In From The Cold when he possesses the wol the actual first thing he does is fall flat on his face because the center of gravity is way too different and hes not used to walking. and laurel specifically is lightly digitigrade and trekking around the snow in stiletto heels zenos gets into her body stand dramatically and then immediately eats shit because what the fuck how are you standing up like this.

[motownfiction]

first of may series, directors cut!!

omg thank you

i wouldn't say this is my favorite series? i think my favorite series is actually love will keep us together, the one about the senior retreat, because it gives us pairings we don't usually see but really need to: lucy and sam, will and sadie, daniel and steph. but you didn't ask about love will keep us together so i'll keep that short, lol.

but the rest of this response is going to be unnaturally long. so i guess i better cut it so people don't hate me, haha.

actually, idk if you remember this, but you helped me come up with the idea for first of may. i had just finished goodbye, yellow brick road and didn't know where to go next, and you were like, "what about a series that follows all the different characters on the same day in different years?" i wanted it to take place in september, but i couldn't find a song i liked with the title of a september date. calling it "the twenty-first night of september" would have been wordy and cliché. besides, that's not actually the title, and i am militant that series titles need to be song titles, specifically. it's a whole thing. either way, it was a great idea, so you know i ran with it.

the song "first of may" is a bee gees song i'd actually never heard before i started looking into songs with dates for titles. this was the only one that i could stand that would have maybe played on the radio during the range i wanted to set the series (1981-1987). it was a modest hit for the bee gees and a pretty enough song. i'm somewhat attached to it now. it's actually on an album called odessa, which of course makes me think of you, lmao.

i guess i can break this down by each character's section!

will: i knew i had to begin with either lucy or will, and i had to end with either lucy or will. they are the two leads of this universe, each other's beginning and end, and it couldn't go any other way. i chose to start with will because that was somewhat more unexpected, and i'm interested in older versions of lucy (because younger versions of lucy run the risk of being really embarrassing and cringe). this is the section i dislike the most. i don't think i dislike it altogether, but it's one that i'd go back and fix if i had the time and energy, which i do not. but like, what did i really expect? it was the first one in this now-monstrously long series. what i like best about it is just how sweet will is, even at this very young age of fourteen. he sacrifices his own coolness, which he desperately wants, to be with his friends, to make them happy, to protect them. when he puts the crown on the statue of mary during the may crowning mass after lucy falls down, he's not doing that to get in good with lucy, his crush since first grade. he's doing that because lucy is also his friend, and he wants to pick her up when she doesn't know if she can go on. he got into this situation by trying to impress her (writing a good enough essay to get chosen as one of the six may crowners; a real thing at my middle school in the 00s), but he'll get out of it by being her friend -- by being there for her when it counts. he's not even thinking romantically in those moments. what i dislike about the series is that it feels too focused on will's relationships with other people (mainly lucy, but also the other boys and his family). on the one hand, that's kind of who will is. he's the guy who looks after others and cares deeply about what they think; how they perceive him. on the other hand, it's really nice to hear from will when everyone else is gone. hopefully, that's what we'll get from the feel like a number series, if i ever have the peace and downtime to get back to it.

daniel: despite only being the second section in the series, daniel's section is actually the one i like the most. he's the character i initially felt the most distant from, but after writing this little part about him, i feel closer to him than ever. i never doubt myself when i write for daniel anymore. i think this series is a big part of why. this is the origin of daniel deluca, the casanova of st. catherine's, and it's not what most people probably expect. it's awkward and strange. one night, daniel felt ready; by the next morning, he feels just like a kid again. he's floating between the child and adult binary, and i think the vignettes in his section showcase that pretty effectively. he doesn't want to play star wars with will and sam, but he doesn't want to leave them behind, either. they all go to the mall, a place they never go, because daniel thinks that's what a guy who has sex is supposed to do on saturdays ... but he doesn't want to be there. and in the end, he doesn't get the girl. he's not allowed to be a stud for more than one night (at least, he thinks). daniel is actually the closest i have to cinderella in this universe, despite sadie's clear affection for her (lmao). i really don't know what else i have to say about this section other than it just feels right. i love the dialogue in it, i love how tense daniel is, and i love that he's the one who experiences this tension. you expect it to be sam (not will, never will, cool as he wishes he was), but instead, it's daniel. just looking for somebody to love. and in the end, he does find somebody to love. his last two vignettes are with sadie and his mother, respectively. sadie represents the love and romance to come in future years, and his mother represents the unconditional, familial love that daniel often forgets he has. when you end on that note, all is not lost, even if it feels that way.

steph: i actually like this section a lot, too. writing daniel and steph's parts in the middle, one right after the other, was also not a coincidence. i want to showcase their connection, both physical and metaphorical. i wanted to demonstrate how much they have in common and how so much of their respective adolescences are about chasing the same things, the same affection. steph is a little different than daniel, since she's only with him and sam, but they're both still looking for that same thing: a love that will last, however it looks, whoever it's from. this section gave me a lot of confidence in steph's voice, which i think i had before. it's just that now i have it better. steph is, as you and a few others know, a composite of some older characters. this is the series that allowed her to transcend all of them. it is not a coincidence that steph's section walks us through her developing feelings for daniel, despite being in a long-term teenage relationship with sam. steph is (almost) sixteen, and she's changing. she does not like things to stay the same, except for sam. he's something she can depend on. so when she finds herself interested in daniel, she's freaked out. that one hint of stability is just gone, or at least, it has the potential to go away. but is she really interested in daniel because of who he is? yes, in part. the thing about daniel is that he's a lot like steph, and when she develops feelings for him, it's largely because she's developing self-awareness. she's developing a need to talk to someone who can more easily relate to her. sam, lovely as he is, does not know what steph is going through. he's never been abandoned by a parent (at least, not in the same way, as we'll talk about sam and maggie very soon). daniel understands all of that. but because steph is (almost) sixteen, she conflates her interest in daniel's life with romantic interest in him. it's not that her feelings are illegitimate! it's just not all there is, which takes steph a very long time to discover. it's also not a coincidence that the section ends with her talking to her own single mother, susie. it just further establishes the important similarities between daniel and steph, which we need if they're just a few weeks away from embarking on their own affair. it's good.

sam: everyone's favorite character (except mine, gotta be loyal to dr. callaghan) has entered the chat. i don't say which university sam is touring here, but if anybody knows a thing or two about the university system in the state of ohio, they can absolutely tell. it's a school i know very well, and if sam weren't so stubborn about college, i think he'd fit in and really like it there (though sam is smart enough to go to at least a baby ivy, like tufts or wesleyan). regardless, i knew this section had to focus primarily on the relationship between sam and maggie. it's one i talk about a lot, but i don't think i ever really did an extensive look into it until this series. and i love it. i love how messy their relationship is. one thing i want to show (like, continue to show) is that maggie really does love sam. she wants to be a good mother to him. but he reminds her so much of herself, which means she's always afraid he's going to get his heart broken; that he's not going to live up to his full potential, like she didn't. what maggie doesn't realize is that sam's full potential is whatever makes him the happiest, and his happiness doesn't really look much like hers (though i'm not sure that's entirely authentic to who sam is -- i think he does want to lead an unconventional life, but i think he also would have been happy if that unconventionality included a partner and/or some children). this section really gave me a chance to explore sam's inner thoughts as opposed to his outer quips. i know people flock to sam for the latter (and he is so good at quipping), but he's got some very deep feelings, very deep fears, very sincere insights and confusions. i love the moment when sam realizes that college isn't like high school ... when he's in professor del vecchio's office and notices she has these really cool posters and books with fascinating titles. he's heard rumors that college is actually interesting before, but here it is -- the proof, right in front of him. if he wasn't so stubborn, so unwilling to prove his mother right, so willing to hold onto a point just to prove he was right all along, i think he would have applied to school there, gotten in, and gone. i think he would have liked it, and i think he knows it, too. but sam is always going to follow his gut. and his gut is an obstinate one. i love his conversation at the end with sadie where they talk about how different they are. that's something i want to do even more work with in the future. and like the other vignettes, i'm really glad this one ends on sam's conversation with his mother. they need to look each other in the eye more often and try to understand where the other is coming from -- try to understand that neither has bad intentions, even if they come with unseemly results.

charlie: i don't love or hate this section. it's probably the one i feel the most neutral about, which makes sense, as i'm pretty (objectively) neutral about charlie as a character. and as you can imagine, writing charlie is a really big challenge, especially at this very young age of fifteen. i have to work hard to lay the foundation for the sleazeball to come, but i also have to show the reader that charlie can be a good person when he wants to be; that there's always going to be a good person underneath all that selfish insecurity. he needs to be complex, and i think this section gets the job done OK. it's the birth of sam's promise that he'll always drive charlie wherever he needs to go, which is something i would not have ever thought of before i wrote this series. but i love that i did. i love the fender bender that foreshadows the christmas night accident in 2002 -- how everything's fine in 1985 and how that doesn't mean everything will be fine forever. that's another trick i wouldn't have thought to pull until i wrote this series, so thank you for that! i love that the small nature of the accident here gives charlie a false sense of security ... like as long as he's not the one behind the wheel, they'll always be fine. i love how you can tell that charlie thinks about this moment all the time after sam's death; how it retroactively makes the future work make more sense. and i love how focused it is on his siblings! that's another thing that makes the future work make more sense in hindsight. you feel charlie's betrayal and bad decisions more poignantly when you see actual examples of him being friends with sadie and sam; of him being friends with their friends, particularly daniel. i want to write more about the good times with charlie so that we feel that even more, but this was a good start.

sadie: this is probably the section i had the hardest time coming up with ideas for. in part, that's because i came upon it when the fall semester was really starting to ramp up (and as you might remember, that was one of the weirdest semesters of my entire professional academic career); in another part, it's because the problem i have with sadie is the same problem i have with will. they are lovely, but the thing about them is that their lives are about other people. they serve others, while most of the characters in this grouping put their own emotions first. so putting sadie in a situation where she had to think for herself was like my only option here. sadie has put others first for so long that she doesn't trust her own instincts anymore. she doubts what she's good at; doubts what she enjoys. in this section, i tried to spend a lot of time with her inner monologue as it pertains to her. i've obviously written a lot of sadie's inner monologue, but it's usually reactionary. how is sadie thinking about solving everyone else's problems? how is sadie reacting to and absorbing everyone else's shit? in this section, she doesn't really do that at all, which might be a first for her character. i don't think she's a bad character for being so focused on others, either! i think it's what sets her apart from the others; what gives her an original contribution in the cast. but i do think this section is a welcome departure from what we usually get from her, which is nice. i like that daniel encourages her to feel for herself. that's one of the reasons i think they make such a good pairing. daniel is very acquainted with his own feelings, private as they may be; sadie's feelings are always based on someone else's. they balance each other out, and i love that about them. i love that even on an average day, that's what they're able to do for each other. but i especially love that this vignette ends with a conversation between sadie and sam, one that mirrors the conversation they have at the end of sam's section. they're not that normal as siblings because they are twins, but they are very good at being twins/friends. they need each other. for as different as they are, they still echo each other. and there's nobody better to talk to about a college major than sadie's genius brother who hates formal education. he doesn't know her better than he knows himself, nor she him. they are twins, and they are themselves and each other, even when they don't realize it. sadie can think for herself when sam is around because he's the only external version of herself that exists. and i love that here.

lucy: i think i like this section? i wrote most it in kind of a hurry. i had the day to myself, completely and entirely, and i was still on winter break, so there wasn't much else for me to focus on. this is the section that made me realize how often i portray lucy in an unflattering, very critical light. i know why i do it. i'm afraid of being too generous with her, and i worry that being generous to her at all is just narcissistic. so i end up with this strange imbalance of everyone else being charming through their mistakes and then lucy, who is just an egomaniacal disaster. and she is really bad here! she steamrolls her toddler's birthday party because she's upset about a 93 on a paper! unfortunately, it's pretty realistic. i once sobbed over an A minus in fifth-grade english, and it ruined my whole night. that said, i do like how immature lucy is here. because she's still only twenty! she's only twenty, and she's getting more and more scared that she won't be able to achieve her dreams and goals ... more and more scared that her previous decisions have rendered that hoped-for future hopeless. i like that even though she's a married mother of the most beautiful girl in the world, we get to see lucy be kind of a kid in this section. we get to hear her parents both criticize her and build her up, like good parents often do. lucy usually works double overtime to be responsible, to hold everything in, but here, she doesn't hold back. she lets go in a way she hasn't been able to for a long time. it's a mistake, but it's a mistake she had to make. and i love the vignette that's not part of this series (technically) where she apologizes for being rude to mariam. lucy can be a really good friend when she's not comparing herself to everyone she knows. this section shows how her worst qualities give way to some of her best ones, too.

[izu-lu]

Sweet Jesus I went back to wattpad yesterday bc I ran out of Bard fics on here and ao3 (the hobbit, you know the guy I hope, anyways he's fucking attractive although he is another older person who I shouldn't be simping for but I do bc Daddy Issues y'know, the good stuff and all that)

Anyways back ehen I was reading on wattpad THE BAR WAS SO FUCKING LOW OML

Like, bro, I had to scroll through like 10 oneshot books to find one bard fic and it wasn't even good

Same with back when I had my Jiang Cheng phase (btw the dude is still hot) and I tried to hunt down some fics on wattpad a lord help me that was so much better than the shit I just saw (and I was on the english side, like, the hungarian would be so much worse sweet jesus)

Seriously, I didn't opened the app for like 6 months now and holy shit I missed out on so many laughs

So yeah now I want to go back and read trash while roasting 11-year-olds' logic in the comments

Ah the good times back then when we were planning to get holy water together under some hungarian cursed romance story which was written by the 12-year-old form of Satan himself

OMG I JUST REMEMBERED I WAS A HORSEGIRL OML WATTPAD+HORSEGIRL STORIES WHAT WAS INSPIRED BY LIKE 2 GAMES PEOPLE PLAYED (There were star stable online fanfictions about the npcs, trust me)

Seriously, the amount of weird "omg this new guy jake just arrived to my stable and i'm so in love with him, yes I just saw him two minutes ago but i'm planning our wedding and his horse is so cute, he's pretty mysterious tho" stories I saw was hilarious. And I read them. Not seriously tho, just to destroy my braincells (alright, I maybe had some hope in some of them, but just as I said, the bar was on the floor)

I don't know about you guys (yes, the two friends I have here who read my posts, btw idk why I'm writing in english, rip Eszti) but there were like these wolf-pack-alpha-girl stories what I actually read when I just got to wattpad and holy shit those were brutal. I mean, to the reader's braincells. I think now I understand why do I have moments where my brain just crashes (and I'm supposed to be a good student in a good school, not back in my elementary school what was literally a ghetto (but seriously, the smallest classroom what was hardly classifies as a language classroom was actually a classroom, like, they shoved in twenty-something people in there)

I wrote a whole essay for you guys, enjoy lmao