#and like maybe him messaging me doesnt seem like a big deal but OH IT IS. IT ISSS.

[bangcakes]

.

[7wanderingpaws]

He Loves Love (3/3)

Pairing: Baekhyun x reader

Genre: solo singer! AU

Word count: 4K+

Warnings: none! just a playful Baek!

--- Please make sure to read the the notes at the end! ---

Masterlist

tags: @iloveagain​ @buttercupbbh​ @wooya1224​ @baekberrie​ (sorry if I left out someone? its been ages since i updated and I didnt know if its okay to tag those who commented on chap. 2 :( didnt want to be rude ><)

1 <<< 2 <<< 3

It was the day of the release. The release of his magazine cover.

The PR went… mad.

“Listen, sweetie, editor, I don't think we will have enough pieces. The damn thing is literally going to be sold out in a matter of hours.”

You received this call before lunch time. Lunch time was very early on in the day. So why was Baekhyun's magazine cover about to be sold out in the entirety of Korea on the same day of the release date?

“Erm, yeah about that. I am an editor, just like you said. You need to call the-”

“I know, I know,” she interrupted but there wasn't an inch of impatience in her voice. “What I am trying to say is - congratulations! You did a great job!”

It took you a moment to realize what she was saying, because she was right. Your participation in this issue was big; after all you took care of the props and settings and you were looking over his pictures during the photoshoot. Out of nowhere, your heartbeat sped up. “Oh, thank you! That's very kind of you, but I still need to improve a lot-”

In that moment, the happy ding! that never failed to make you all trembly and nervous, sounded on your desk.

Waiter: miss editor am I seeing correctly????? wowow ihavenowords

Waiter: did you just make me sell out your magazine?????? ihavenowords

Waiter: did you save yourself at least one piece??? huhuuhuhuuu ihavenowords ><

Waiter: i think someone just made themselves a good name in the mag industry ^^ congratulations!!!

Waiter: does that mean i will get to see you? hmmm maybe to give a congratulatory bouquet of flowers???? 🤭🤭🤭 🌹💐🌺

Biting your lip quickly to suppress the happy grin, you quickly attended to the phone call, chatting a bit more with the PR lady. Honestly, you didn't like to talk to them much as they were all over the place, too demanding and didn’t have a great understanding of a creative mind. Thankfully, you didn't have to deal with them too often.

It hadn't been that long since your last meeting with Baekhyun. His kisses on your cheek and one kiss on your forehead seemed to be still burning on your skin, sometimes making you drag the pad of your index finger over the mentioned places, needing some sort of closure from him that you had yet to receive. 

Texting now was a full on habit between you, causing you to become sad, disappointed and even anxious if he wouldn’t reply that soon, worried he changed his mind about you, and his feelings towards you. Because even though you admitted to him that you liked him, he was being still very cautious, still very polite with you, as if there was some sort of invisible line between you two that he was scared to cross, for some reason.

Trying to look at it from his point of view, there were many risks of him wanting a relationship with you, and you couldn't not agree. If anything, you were being thankful for his thoughtfulness and carefulness, for if he messed up even the tiniest bit around you and your secret meetings of a blooming start of a relationship, he would not see the end of the hate, and neither would you. Heck, his career was on the line.

You managed to reply to his playful messages that went on and on, before you would have to dive into another cover magazine plan that you had to start thinking through.

Me: I think I should congratulate YOU! the most wanted man in Korea it seems ;)

Me: these days i have some important meetings… an upcoming cover… im definitely doing overtime today :( when is it good for you? I will try to arrange my schedule with yours

Waiter: ohoh the most wanted man you say? i wonder if the one i want wants me just as much…….???

Waiter: i would like to see you more often before my album drops, you know i will get quite busy and not seeing you for too long doesnt seem to work well with me anymore ><

Waiter: sooo… i will come pick you up from work tonight just shoot me a msg *^

Just as his messages could make your heartbeat go into a crazy overdrive, it seemed he could also make it completely stop. Or so you thought. His flirting and now his proposal to pick you up gave you a huge shock. That would be a first for sure.

Me: sure! have your phone with you Mr Korea

Me: I wonder too if that person wants you as much ;)

You decided not to pay him any more attention after that as much as you were tempted. Your belly was levitating along with your body, feeling high on vitamin Baekhyun. Pressing down the urge to tease him, you put your phone away, your hands slightly trembly from the attention you kept receiving from someone like him.

If your predictions were even close to correct, you wanted to tell him: yes, the one that he wanted, wanted him just as much.

…

You were fast to leave your work that day. Excited butterflies were eating your insides away, and the only way to make them calm down was to finally meet the person who always made their wings flutter.

Baekhyun was already parked in the underground parking lot, his car the only one with the motor on - and the only car of his class. You spotted him sitting in his car in his white jersey shirt, his left elbow propped on the windowsill as his index finger was stuck between his teeth, gnawing at it. When he saw you, he took a double-take and quickly changed his posture which made you giggle.

Baekhyun was following you with his eyes, going even to the length of leaning in over the passenger seat so as not to lose sight of you until he reached over and opened the passenger door for you so you could slide in.

“Why, thank you,” you smiled cheerfully as you sat down. You closed the door and put your bag down in between your legs.

“My pleasure,” he said back with a pleasant smile. “Hand me the bag, I'll put it in the backseat.”

You quickly did as he asked and then reached for your seatbelt.

“How was work today? We should celebrate!” he exclaimed as he put the car into drive and made his way out of the parking lot.

You hummed, gnawing on your lip. “That would be wonderful,” you said but hesitated about offering anything further. It was difficult to read the situation; you wouldn't know what you could afford to do with him and what not; what would be stepping over the line and what wouldn't. But Baekhyun said he liked you. In fact, he even told you to look at him like at any other man. That meant you shouldn't doubt all the possible hang-out ideas you had, right?

“I think it is you who deserves a gift,” you murmured and stole a look at his concentrated face. You reached the outside now, the dark evening slowly changing into night, the light of passing cars illuminating your faces.

“Hmm, I think so, too. Something in lines of - I can pick whatever I want, huh?”

Hiding your smile behind your hand, you nodded. “Yes, I can grant something. But don't make it expensive. Even though you sold out our magazine, it doesn't mean I will get a pay rise right away.”

“Oh, it won't include any monetary value,” he promised and turned to look at you when he stopped at the red light, the line in front of you seemingly going on for at least a mile. “It would be something you can and should be able to do freely.”

Despite the darkness of the car, Baekhyun could still spot that gorgeous, astounding blush colouring your cheeks. He really grew to love it; to make you so flustered you couldn't help but grow all red, just for him. “What do you think?” he asked quietly, still observing you with a small lopsided smile.

First you looked at your connected hands in your lap and then looked up at him through your lashes. “Depends what it is, but I owe you, so…” you trailed off.

He chuckled quietly, causing your heart to skip a beat before he started driving again, the line in front slowly moving. “Wonderful.”

Within forty-five minutes, you found yourself seated in a Korean restaurant, both yours and Baekhyun's shoes left at the entrance. Baekhyun, knowing the owner, asked for a separate room where people usually held business dinners, to ensure you would have full privacy and could enjoy each other.

It was a bit mind-blowing how much he could just do. His authority was admirable but at the same time it reminded you how you could hardly compare. If you would have asked the owner to give you a separate room, you might have had to fight for it or give him some money. Baekhyun seemed to walk in like a prince, confidently talking to people as if it was so natural.

“Can you give me a moment?” he asked suddenly, already standing up. “I forgot something in the car. Choose a meal until then.”

You nodded and saw him shuffling towards the door. Quickly going through the menu, you were thankful it was just an ordinary Korean restaurant that specializes in noodle soups and wasn't pricey. Picking the one that seemed the most special, you put the menu away just in time for Baekhyun to return back. His right hand was behind his back, obviously hiding something.

He had a sheepish smile on his face as he stepped towards you and handed you a beautiful bouquet of colourful flowers, the smell of which instantly hit your nose. You felt your mouth stretch into a wide smile as you stood up to your feet.

“Oh my god, what is this for, Baekhyun?” you asked, looking up into his eyes just to find them sparkling with anticipation.

“I know I never asked you out on an official date, so I might not be dressed up to my best potential, but I really wanted to give you something and today, as I said, I wanted to give you a bouquet. Please, accept it,” he added breathily, watching you with bated breath, nudging the flowers out to you.

You giggled and he smiled right away as you took the bouquet in your hand, careful as to not hold his fingers that were still curled around the stems. “Thank you.”

As you wanted to pull back, he leaned in, grabbing your wrist gently that was holding the flowers, bringing you closer. His lips hovered over your cheek and he eventually pressed them there. “Good job on your first cover,” he murmured and leaned away the slightest to watch your surprised reaction. Your eyes were watching his mouth and he had to restrain himself from going any further. He didn't want to cross the line. Not yet.

Unfortunately, you had to separate when the doors opened and the waiter came in. She was taken aback for the slightest of moments when she noticed you and Baekhyun backing away from each other but both of you recovered quickly and sat down, ready to order.

“This Vietnamese noodle soup is my favourite,” mentioned Baekhyun, looking at you. “So that is your gift to me - eating my favorite food with me.”

…

It was late June, the beginning of the most humid weeks of the year with the monsoon season around the corner.

Baekhyun became so busy with the release of his album back in May, that you rarely got to see him afterwards, although he made sure to see you a couple of times per week even if he was on the verge of falling asleep. Besides meeting, you were always chatting on the phone, him updating you about his daily schedules while you would mostly talk and send pictures about the same old stuff - your office, your computer screen or your late lunch. Or a selfie. You were on that basis now, despite a first kiss never happening.

It made you think sometimes if you were the one who was supposed to make the first move. If you grew eager to finally feel him in that way, then he must have also had some similar feelings, right? You had been dying to kiss him since the first time he said he liked you. And it was late June now.

Late June meant that the music awards show was happening just this particular night. Baekhyun had been texting you eager messages to double-check that you would really be attending like you told him you would.

While you quickly looked yourself over in the mirror in your office - you worked even today, a Saturday - you checked your phone's screen, seeing the previews of his messages.

Waiter: finally our schedules overlap ❤️ Waiter: i cant actually believe it  Waiter: huhuhuhu missy are you done with preparing? im curious to see.... Waiter: its just that it would be difficult to do so without it…

Hastily checking your earrings, you read the previews with a large smile. It would be an exciting night.

When you arrived at the event along with your colleagues, you couldn't help feeling clammy from the excitement. The possibility of spotting Baekhyun was making you sick with anticipation. It wasn't even the amount of people attending the event, it was just him; just the idea that he was somewhere there and hopefully he was looking for you just like you were looking for him.

Your colleagues hurried to sit down as the ceremony was about to start. Since you were busy in the office, you ended up leaving the headquarters much later than planned, but there was nothing you could do about it anymore.

The lights dimmed just when you made yourself comfortable, making it too difficult to look around and recognize faces. Deciding to quickly check the messages you didn't have time to look at before, you finally saw what Baekhyun was bombarding you so much about.

Waiter: finally our schedules overlap Waiter: i cant actually believe it Waiter: huhuhuhu missy are you done with preparing? im curious to see how you look so you could send me a selfie and so then i can recognize you at the event hm? without having to stare everywhere and become suspicious Waiter: its just that it would be difficult to do so without it sooooo ????? Waiter: yah!! where did you go?? Waiter: ex...excuse me? ehm ehm!!! Waiter: wow okay… Waiter: Y/N … disappeared... Waiter: i guess you are busy >< im arriving at the venue soon update me so i know where you attttttt okiiii??? ㅎㅅㅎ

You hid your smile behind your hand and quickly typed him a message to update him like he demanded. You couldn't send a selfie anymore because of the silly lights and your superiors being at the same table, you couldn't afford to be on your phone all the time. Hyeri, as much as she was kind, didn't like it when the job was not done properly, so you made sure to pay attention to the performances while you felt your phone vibrate with messages most probably from Baekhyun.

You bit your lip to keep in the smile, your heart fluttering. How was he able to be this… gorgeous even through messages? How was he able to make your heart beat frantically even when he was not around you? Unknowingly, your desire for him grew by tenfold, the sudden urge to meet him almost overtaking your actions, but one strict stare from Hyeri and you stopped squirming in your chair as you realized you did with a horrified look. Wow. You had to do something about this, and it had to be very soon.

To your big misfortune, you never spotted Baekhyun until it was his turn to overtake the stage. As much as you expected something huge, it was anything but that. No props, just a simple mic stand and then, a Baekhyun in a ready-to-go-for-a-date look, plus four dancers and he was able to fill the huge stage to the brim with his presence. That was it. Simple as that.

You inhaled his entire performance, the loud screamings of crazy fans not enough to pull you out of your reverie that consisted of Byun Baekhyun and Byun Baekhyun only. His movements, so sharp yet so smooth, his flirting with the camera, his lip bites, and that crazy happy smile; all of it. He was changing images from lethal sexy, through lazily suggestive, then sweetly gorgeous until becoming cute and ready to pet on the head. Without anything more to add, he had each flavor of a candy to offer and you had never been this addicted to candies in your life.

...

You met him accidentally when you were leaving the toilets that were meant for the VIPs. Closing the door behind you, you felt its cold surface press to your bare back when Baekyun appeared in front of you, freezing momentarily when he recognized you.

He smiled instantly, happy to finally see you, before he let his eyes wander. Finally, he let you know that he was looking. Oh he was. Your dress was revealing on the back, which he had yet to witness, but the front was completely covered, hugging your chest and waist, telling Baekhyun that there was something to look at for sure. The long, wavy skirt that stopped just above the floor was bunched up in your hand, showing sparkly high-heeled shoes that were the cause of the pain in your ankles.

None of you said a word as you took a note of his fancy suit, the simple stage outfit now gone. It was fully black, but once again you couldn't comprehend how broad his shoulders and chest were despite his shirt that was tucked into his pants being black, too.

“Good performance,” you broke the silence finally, meeting his somewhat eager gaze. “I have to admit, I was swooning with the other girls, too.”

That got Baekhyun's attention. His eyebrow rose in question and he stepped closer but not before making sure there were no prying eyes in the small corridor. His body covered yours from anyone, were you to be disturbed. “Oh, were you, really?”

You nodded, your smile teasing. “Yeah.”

He smiled gently, his gaze running over your features that were touched up with make-up. “I'm glad. If I wanted to impress someone, it was you.”

“You did that a long time ago,” you admitted shyly, averting your eyes so he wouldn't catch you shyness.

You heard him letting out a laugh through his nose. “So cute,” he muttered, stepping even closer. “I have to run back but let me drive you home tonight.”

His words made your head snap up though you weren't that much smaller from him anymore thanks to the heels. His words ignited something inside of you. “You came with your car?”

“I asked my friend to bring it over to the venue,” he said. “I am not going back to my company after this. I finally found you here and-” he sighed softly, shaking his head as he looked at you, “I want to spend some time with you. Alone.”

Your breath hitched in your throat, his look making you all itchy and needy. Without much thinking, you found yourself nodding a tad too eagerly which made Baekhyun smile. “Alright,” you whispered, “text me. But I can't leave before my superiors do.”

“Can I just steal you?”

Giggling, you shook your head and suppressed the need to hold his hand. “I'm afraid no. But I will try my best to get out of it quickly.”

His smile was so gentle as he nodded slowly, closing his eyes for a second before stepping even closer, his fingertips running over your clothed forearm in the most feather-like way. “Okay. I'll be waiting for you,” sweetheart.

…

The car came to a complete stop in front of your small apartment building. Audi had quite the silent engine anyway, but now with it being turned off, you felt like silence had a physical form and was growing in on you, making the tension between you and Baekhyun the more difficult to withstand.

Given his silence, you knew that you should say something, and you also knew what you were supposed to do. It was now or never. “Would you maybe… like to come in?”

He glanced over, checking your expression to see if you were serious. He parted his lips but hesitation stole the words away from him. You chuckled when he opened his mouth again and smiled abashedly. “'I’d love to.”

Oh my god, you thought as the both of you made your way towards your apartment. In panic, you tried to quickly think over what state you left your flat in exactly, but it seemed that your mind was clogged up, unable to come up with anything that could possibly explain what was happening in that very moment. Byun Baekhyun, the superstar, was coming inside your apartment. And he seemed to be rather quiet.

Was he overthinking this? Maybe he would realise this was all a mistake and that you weren't good enough for him. Maybe you did something off-putting today?

As you were typing in the code to your house, you felt his strong presence behind you, his gaze on your naked back, and you swore the tension just grew even more when you let him enter your little safety den first. Surely, it was no luxury like he must have been used to by then, given the many years of singing career, but you could only hope it would be enough.

You had been far too gone for him. If he were to dump you, you might end up hurt and heartbroken. 

Letting the door close behind you, you wanted to follow him only to see him standing just a couple of steps ahead of you, looking into the apartment but not moving further inside. “You can enter, Baekyhun.”

“You look so beautiful tonight,” he said softly out of nowhere, catching you off guard with his honest words. Letting them sink in, you bit your lip, feeling your heartbeat accelerate again. It wasn't possible to get a heart attack, right? 

He was standing in front of you while your back was pressed to the front door you just closed behind you. “Thank you,” you whispered, matching his intimate tone and feeling like you were about to combust. “You look really handsome tonight.” And everyday.

He smiled, which you couldn't see as he still had his back on you. Just then, he turned and with that pleasant expression on his face made those separating two steps towards you until he stood right in front of you, causing you to look up. “Thank you.”

You nodded, feeling the terrible blush creeping up into your cheeks. Actually your entire body was suddenly on a heat wave, feeling the prickles of sweat to form under your dress as he stared at you affectionately. God, you wanted him so much it was really becoming unbearable.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You just asked one,” you replied mischievously, grinning, just to be rewarded with a wide smile from him as he stepped even closer, your heart clenching painfully. Was it the chemistry that was so painful?

“Cheeky,” he whispered, his breath almost hitting your cheek. You kept his eye contact before you nudged him with a go on.

What, do you want to kiss me on the cheek again? you desperately wanted to ask, to tease him. Or would this finally be it? Would he finally just... kiss you? 

“May I kiss you, sweetheart. On the lips.” His intonation was far from that of a question. He was so hot, goodness. And your knees were suddenly jelly-like as you couldn’t stop staring into his eyes when you nodded.

He let out a breathy laugh when he almost pressed his body into yours. Almost. “You don’t like to confirm things out loud with me, do you, beauty?”

“Yes, you may kiss me, Baekhyun. Please, just finally kiss me.”

It was almost as if he wouldn't wait for your approval anyway, as he was leaning in before your words even left your mouth, his hands coming to gently rest against the door; caging you in, yet making you feel even more safe. He was carefully watching your features as he pressed his lips to yours, one hand coming to cradle your face gently before he finally captured your upper lip and you melted. 

Closing your eyes, you sighed as you let your hands slide up his toned chest and around his neck when he pressed himself into you just a little bit closer, a very much satisfied hum coming out of his throat that sent shock waves down your body. That deadly hum. It could really do anything to you, it was that attractive to you.

You dared to run your fingers through his hair that had gel in it, but still felt so cutely soft under your touch. You played with his pillows, prolonging the gentle sucking as you dragged his lower lip towards you, feeling the wetness of his mouth. He leaned in as you separated for the slightest of moments, tilting his head to the other side, unconsciously making one step closer so you felt him on your chest and the surface of the door on your back.

Smooch after smooch, you soon realized he was a loud kisser that liked the licking sounds and the responses from you as you breathed out softly while his thumb caressed your blushed cheek.

Another loud smooch, and this time he was the one who dragged your lower lip towards him with his teeth, as he bumped his nose with yours, tilting his head to the opposite side again while both of his hands cradled your face with utmost care.

Eventually, he kissed you one last time, ending it with him pressing his forehead to yours, not opening his eyes just yet. You didn’t either, relishing in the lingering feeling of him around your mouth as his warm pants pushed in through your parted lips. Slowly, he nuzzled your nose and you giggled softly which prompted him to open his eyes to meet yours already on him.

“That was better than I could ever imagine,” he whispered and smiled handsomely.

You blushed even more, if that was possible. “Ditto.”

His eyes widened and he leaned away a bit. “Don’t tell me you fantasized about kissing me?”

You shrugged but didn’t meet his eye. “How could I not? I’m a human, aren’t I? And you know I like to be straightforward.”

He smirked, knowingly nodding to himself. “Oh yeah, right. The straightforward business.”

You chuckled. “You’re too good of a kisser.”

“Only the best for you,” he winked and those words made you feel things. Before you could reply, he blurted: “Can I be your boyfriend?”

Smiling widely, you nodded, feeling absolutely elated. This was really happening. “Yes, you can be my boyfriend, Baekhyun.”

He sweeped you in his arms, bringing you in for another kiss. “That means,” he murmured between the kisses, “that I can kiss you just like that. And I can finally call you sweetheart,” he breathed the nickname before opening his mouth and devouring you, showing how passionate of a kisser he could be.

You never doubted him, of course, but in situations like these, reality was always better than your poor imagination, for your brain could never produce the exceptional feeling of having Byun Baekhyun’s lips on yours, feeling the moisture and his playful tongue, his creativity of teasing you with it astonishing. No. Nothing could ever compare.

There was only one Byun Baekhyun and he was a superstar. Off-limits to almost everyone. But not to you. Not anymore.

--- --- --- --- ---

A/N: And that is the end! This is the final part, so with this, I am also saying goodbye to this story that made my heart flutter a wee bit... ^^ Thank you to whomever sent me support via comments/reblogs, dms, I was glad this story could bring something enjoyable to the table! ❤   

--- As you know, these 3 chapters were supposed to be about how our characters met and became a couple. So I hope I delivered well! I know I put the M sign in the beginning way back in May, but while plotting, I realized it wasnt suitable for these 3 parts. It would take me more chapters to write to bring it to that point (hint: if you request it as a standalone oneshot later, I am willing to write it but otherwise it would need more relationship building). 

I hope this explains it! 

Thank you again!

Please let me know what you thought, it would mean a lot and its free!

CuriousCat Ask box is also open! Or comments!💕

[likelightningafterthethunder]

Like Lightning After the Thunder: Chapter One: Damned Smile

Fic Summary:

His breath wavered as he stared into Katsuki’s eyes. He knew he could get out if he tried. He could knock Katsuki out, hope that no one else would find them, and run back into the shadows where he belonged. Katsuki may have had him pinned down but he was in Denki’s range now and it would take little effort to send a charge through Katsuki to paralyze him temporarily.

It would take barely any additional effort to kill Katsuki.

As the sparks began to charge, lighting up the air around him, Katsuki refused to back down.

–

Katsuki always knew he was destined for great things.

He didn’t think he’d have to turn his back on all he’s ever known to get there.

Rating: T

Warnings: Eventual major character death, implied/referenced child abuse, psychological trauma

Other Tags: Bakugou Katsuki/Kaminari Denki, slow burn, alternate universe - canon divergence

Read on Ao3 (links to corresponding chapter) or read below

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Fic navigation to read the fic on tumblr 

--

Even years later, that damn smile haunted his dreams.

There was absolutely no reason for him to still think about the event. Everything had been taken care of when it had happened― injuries were treated, authorities alerted, information secured, and a press conference to tie it all up in a big red bow. There were no loose ends, no surprise second coming, no physical reminders of what happened lingering in his daily life. Katsuki would have labeled it as done, dealt with, and no longer relevant, shoving it aside in his memory so he could focus on actual important shit.

Except his mind had different plans.

When he was lucky, he could completely forget about the event for months. Other times, his dreams would be filled with nothing but that damn smile, taunting him with its silence. He could usually predict when the dreams would come― the anniversary of the event for example― but other times, it seemed like anything could trigger the memory. He once saw a bright yellow balloon and for the rest of the day, every time he closed his eyes he saw that damned smile, never wavering despite the curses and insults Katsuki spewed.

He wanted to forget it. He wanted so desperately to forget it. For the image to erase itself from his mind, for it to take the feelings away with it. He could deal with the anger, he could always deal with the anger, but when his memory reminded him of the wave of hurt and betrayal that nearly blinded him…

When his alarm jolted him from his sleep and freed him from the smile, he couldn’t get out of bed fast enough. He woke up drenched in a cold sweat, sheets singed and smoking lightly as he unclenched his hands, and Katsuki was, for once, very relieved that not all of his sweat was explosive. He slapped the singes a few times to ensure that all of the embers were put out before heading for the bathroom, cursing under his breath as he flinched at his own reflection in the mirror.

There was nothing particularly wrong with his appearance, if you didn’t count the dark circles under his eyes from a fitful night’s sleep or his clammy skin, but after being plagued by the smile, Katsuki could barely look at himself. His reaction to the smile made him feel weak, like he couldn’t handle himself and that there was something wrong with him. It was just a smile after all. There was no reason for him to react to it like a nightmare, no reason for him to lose sleep over it or to feel overwhelmed by emotions at the thought of it.

Yet when he saw the smile and saw how the corners of his mouth were tugged a bit too tight, how his eyes were open a bit too wide, how the only shine in his eyes were the reflections of light on tears that refused to fall…

Katsuki cursed.

The icy cold shower did little to help distract him from the memory, nor did his morning run nor the steaming shower he took after. He wasn’t supposed to head into the agency today, so he didn’t have any planned beatdowns for today, and yes he probably shouldn’t be hoping for it, but part of him hoped for a sudden emergency villain so he could distract himself by focusing on beating some villain’s ass into next week.

A few hours later when his phone refused to stop buzzing, Katsuki wondered if throwing his phone across the room until it stopped would be close enough to beating villain ass to work. He reluctantly decided that talking to people so they’d leave him alone was probably less hassle to deal with than having to replace his phone and distribute his new number (even if it would give him an excuse to ghost some of these damn extras).

A few individual texts and a group text were the cause of the buzzing. As the group text’s new message count continued to rise, he figured it would be easier to respond to the individual texts first. Just in case he changed his mind about destroying the phone.

Four Eyes (Rocket Legs): Hello Bakugou, this is a reminder about the upcoming Class A reunion. As the head of the reunion committee, it is my duty to ensure an accurate headcount for the event, and I have yet to receive your response about your attendance. Please ensure to respond via the following link by this Friday at 11:59PM. [Class A 10 Year Reunion RSVP]

Four Eyes (Rocket Legs): In case you missed the previous messages regarding the reunion, the event is March 28th starting at 7PM at the Shinjuku Hotel in Musutafu. If you need to rent a room for the night or the weekend, please alert the Shinjuku Hotel staff that you are part of the Class A reunion party by next Wednesday for an event discount.

Katsuki frowned. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to the possibility of being surrounded by all of his former classmates and even less at the idea of being socially obligated to spend the entire evening with them. At least when he met up with his friends elsewhere, he could always claim needing to leave early so he could make the last train or that work needed him to come in early the next day.

He closed out of the conversation, figuring he still had a few more days to decide if he really wanted to deal with his classmates for an entire evening.

Midoriya: Hey Katsugou! I was wondering if you’re going to go to the reunion? Tenya said the deadline to RSVP is coming soon and we haven’t heard from you, so I just thought I’d check in!

Katsuki: The fuck is Katsugou?

Midoriya: Oh sorry!! Typo!!

Midoriya: Anyway, are you coming?

Katsuki closed out of the conversation and moved on to the next one.

Shitty Hair: Katsuki! Are you coming to the reunion or not dude????

Katsuki: Fuck off.

Shitty Hair: Aww dude that’s no way to talk to your best friend, you know you love me!!

Katsuki: I’m blocking you.

He did not, in fact, block him. But he did close out of Eijirou’s texts.

Save for the newest text sent directly from Eijirou, all that was left was the backlog of texts in the group text. It had kept going off while he was reading the other conversations, so Katsuki figured it meant that everyone was either off for the day or on their lunch break.

Raccoon Eyes: guys!!!!! the reunion is COMING UPPPPPP!!!!

Raccoon Eyes: i cant wait to s

Raccoon Eyes: ee all of u guys again!!

Tape Face: lmao you saw us last week

Raccoon Eyes: yes

Raccoon Eyes: an eteRNITY ago

Raccoon Eyes: and like

Raccoon Eyes: kats left early so we didnt have everyone

Raccoon Eyes: so it doesnt count

Shitty Hair: Yeah Katsuki don’t leave early next time!!

Raccoon Eyes: we just have to hold him hostage next time

Raccoon Eyes: or like

Raccoon Eyes: AMBUSH him

Tape Face: i can always tape him up

Raccoon Eyes: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

Raccoon Eyes: tape him to the wall

Raccoon Eyes: and then like

Raccoon Eyes: steal his wallet

Raccoon Eyes: cant get on transit w no moneys

Raccoon Eyes: ei and han hold him down

Raccoon Eyes: i run to hide his wallet where he cant fi

Raccoon Eyes: nd it

Raccoon Eyes: probs keeps kats tapped to the wall all night

Raccoon Eyes: free up his arms so he can have a drink????

Tape Face: explosion palms dude

Raccoon Eyes: oh u right

Raccoon Eyes: he can just have a cup w like

Raccoon Eyes: a REALLY REALLY long straw

Raccoon Eyes: make sure u tape him up w his hands behind his back

Tape Face: you got it

Shitty Hair: He’s in this chat guys he’s going to see the plan

Raccoon Eyes: whatevs we can still totally blindside him

Raccoon Eyes: ANYWAYS

Raccoon Eyes: ure all going right?????

Tape Face: ya I rsvpd a while back

Shitty Hair: Yep!! Wouldn’t miss it for the world!

Raccoon Eyes: what about u kats

Raccoon Eyes: kats???

Raccoon Eyes: KAAAAAAAAAAAAATS

Raccoon Eyes: k

Raccoon Eyes: a

Shitty Hair: I’ll text him separately

Raccoon Eyes: t

Tape Face: he probably has this muted lmao

Raccoon Eyes: s

Raccoon Eyes: !!!!!!

Raccoon Eyes: how dare u ignore us

Raccoon Eyes: after everything weve done for u!!!!

Raccoon Eyes: thought we were ur ride or die hoes

Raccoon Eyes: dont tell me ur not going!!!!!

Raccoon Eyes: im so offended

Raccoon Eyes: how could u do this to us kats

Shitty Hair: Maybe he’s at work today?

Raccoon Eyes: boo

Raccoon Eyes: how dare he prioritize wo

Raccoon Eyes: rk over us

Raccoon Eyes: his best friends

Raccoon Eyes: the suns of his life

Raccoon Eyes: the bit of happiness in the cold

Raccoon Eyes: cold

Raccoon Eyes: cold

Tape Face: coooooooooold

Raccoon Eyes: COOOOOOOOLD

Raccoon Eyes: thing he calls a heart

Shitty Hair: Lmao

Tape Face: its got a bit of warmth

Tape Face: most of it is his temper

Raccoon Eyes: boom boom POW

Raccoon Eyes: well while we wait for kats

Raccoon Eyes: help me pick some photos for the slideshow!!

Tape Face: are you doing only UA pics or some stuff since then

Tape Face: somehow iida managed to not specify lmao

Shitty Hair: The info email was like ten pages, how did he miss it

Tape Face: idk

Raccoon Eyes: ive got plenty for both!!

Raccoon Eyes: momo said pref UA pics but some new stuff is good too

Raccoon Eyes: show how far weve come n all that

Tape Face: oh cool let me get some opinions then too

Shitty Hair: Anyone have any pics of the camping trip from second year?

Raccoon Eyes: before or after todoroki and kats’ fight turned it into a icy hot springs

Shitty Hair: Both lmao but probably before it went to hell

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: ofc ive got us chillin in the springs

Raccoon Eyes: well most of us

Raccoon Eyes: kats u never get in the water w us :C

Raccoon Eyes: lets go to the beach next time!!

Tape Face: hed prob boil the water w you in it if you dragged him in lmao

Tape Face: spicy acid time

Raccoon Eyes: id like to see him TRY

Shitty Hair: Don’t tempt him lmao

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: i got like a shit ton more

Raccoon Eyes: should i send some of THE FIGHT

Shitty Hair: Maybe not

Tape Face: yes

Tape Face: well

Tape Face: depends on how many pissed off katsuki pics youre putting in lmao

Raccoon Eyes: OH

Raccoon Eyes: OHHHH

Raccoon Eyes: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Tape Face: ?

Raccoon Eyes: dude

Raccoon Eyes: do u have the POMERANIAN pic

Tape Face: o shit

Tape Face: image.png

Shitty Hair: I still think Katsuki should’ve taken that pup home

Shitty Hair: They’re matching!

Tape Face: image.png

Tape Face: i also have this one

Tape Face: when she tried to bite his nose off lmao

Raccoon Eyes: kats couldve named her king explosion murder

Raccoon Eyes: or just murder

Raccoon Eyes: p sure she wouldve tried to murder kats at least o

Raccoon Eyes: nce

Tape Face: lmao she basically tried when he found her

Shitty Hair: Maybe it’s for the best that he didn’t keep the pup

Tape Face: look what i found

Tape Face: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: AWWWW YES

Raccoon Eyes: LOOK AT USSSSS

Raccoon Eyes: we look FABBBB

Shitty Hair: Is that from the dance?

Tape Face: ye

Raccoon Eyes: guys what if we recreate that pic at the reunion

Raccoon Eyes: the fits?

Raccoon Eyes: immaculate

Raccoon Eyes: the pose?

Raccoon Eyes: perfection

Tape Face: hotel?

Tape Face: trivago

Shitty Hair: I’m down for recreating some pics!

Raccoon Eyes: yessssss

Raccoon Eyes: u have no choice either kats u gotta do it

Raccoon Eyes: wherever u are

Shitty Hair: Oh he replied!!

Raccoon Eyes: SWEET

Raccoon Eyes: what he say

Shitty Hair: He said fuck off

Tape Face: as expected

Shitty Hair: Lmao he threatened to block me again

Tape Face: thought he said he was blocking you last week

Shitty Hair: Yea exactly

Raccoon Eyes: HOW RUDE

Raccoon Eyes: as punishment for not paying attention to us

Raccoon Eyes: im gonna send this

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Tape Face: LMAO whend you make that

Shitty Hair: Is that Katsuki with a cat face and ears

Shitty Hair: Dude I don’t know if he’s going to kill you for that or for the pink hair first lmao

Raccoon Eyes: lmao made it just now

Raccoon Eyes: well MAYBE if he ANSWERED us

Katsuki: Delete it.

Tape Face: O SHIT

Tape Face: you summoned him

Raccoon Eyes: NO I WILL NOT

Katsuki: Delete it Raccoon Eyes or else I’m coming for you.

Tape Face: are you coming for the left shoes and shittin in them

Raccoon Eyes: NOOOOOOO not my shoes!!!!!!!!

Tape Face: its just the left shoes tho

Raccoon Eyes: BUT THATS MY FAVE SIDE

Katsuki: What the fuck are you two going on about?

Raccoon Eyes: DONT COME FOR M

Raccoon Eyes: Y LEFT SHOES KATS IM SORRY

Katsuki: I’m not coming for your fucking left shoes. Or any of your shoes.

Katsuki: I will be coming for you if you don’t delete that picture, though.

Raccoon Eyes: FORGIVENESS

Raccoon Eyes: I BEG

Raccoon Eyes: PLSSSSS

Katsuki: Delete the picture.

Raccoon Eyes: ugh fiiiiiiiiiine

Raccoon Eyes: its deleted

Raccoon Eyes: i wont send it to momo for the slide show

Katsuki: Good.

Raccoon Eyes: IF U COME TO THE REUNION

Katsuki: Fuck off.

Shitty Hair: C’mon Katsuki!! It’ll be fun!!

Tape Face: ya it wouldnt do if we didnt have our exploding star

Raccoon Eyes: ill send momo WORSE if u dont come

Raccoon Eyes: nd u wont know WHAT til AFTER

Raccoon Eyes: so PLSSSSSSSSSS

Raccoon Eyes: PRETTY PLSSSSSSS

Raccoon Eyes: PLS COME TO THE REUNION

Raccoon Eyes: ill spam u a lot worse if u dont show us proof of rsvp

Raccoon Eyes: pls kaaaaaaaaats

Raccoon Eyes: kaaaaaaaaats

Raccoon Eyes: k

Raccoon Eyes: a

Katsuki: Ugh fucking fine, I’ll do the RSVP now then.

Raccoon Eyes: t

Raccoon Eyes: YAY

Four Eyes (Rocket Legs): Good afternoon, Bakugou! I just wanted to confirm with you that I have received your RSVP for the Class A reunion. As a reminder, if you need to rent a room for the night or the weekend, please alert the Shinjuku Hotel staff that you are part of the Class A reunion party by next Wednesday for an event discount.

Katsuki: image.png

Katsuki: image.png

Katsuki: Four Eyes is watching the RSVP form like a fucking hawk apparently.

Raccoon Eyes: YAAAAAY URE RSVPD!!!

Shitty Hair: You know him, always dedicated to his work

Tape Face: sweet

Raccoon Eyes: are u guys getting rooms

Tape Face: yea musutafus too far for a round trip

Tape Face: esp since itll prob end late

Shitty Hair: I got one for the weekend!

Tape Face: wbu mina

Raccoon Eyes: booked a room already!!

Raccoon Eyes: kaaaaats wbu

Raccoon Eyes: u should

Raccoon Eyes: we could have a brunch or lunch or s/t thats just us

Raccoon Eyes: plsssssss kats

Katsuki: I’ll think about it.

Tape Face: better than a no lmao

Shitty Hair: If they run out of space or if you decide last second, you can room with me dude

Raccoon Eyes: awww why not a yes

Katsuki: I haven’t asked the other Four Eyes for the time off yet.

Tape Face: is this four eyes no4 or no15

Raccoon Eyes: four eyes no69

Raccoon Eyes: no wait

Raccoon Eyes: no420

Tape Face: haha blaze it

Raccoon Eyes: BLAZE IT

Shitty Hair: It’s number 7

Katsuki: Fuck you, I don’t have that many Four Eyes saved in my phone.

Shitty Hair: I’d be surprised if you had 420 contacts period dude

Raccoon Eyes: would b hilarious tho

Katsuki: Yes, it’s Four Eyes number 7.

Shitty Hair: I was right!!

Katsuki: Why would I ask any of the other Four Eyes for time off? They’re not my fucking bosses.

Tape Face: dunno

Raccoon Eyes: idk maybe ure secretly dating one a

Raccoon Eyes: nd have to confirm that its ok

Raccoon Eyes: ARE U SECRETLY DATING A FOUR EYES

Raccoon Eyes: U HAVE TO TELL US IF U ARE

Raccoon Eyes: URE LEGALLY OBLIGATED

Tape Face: o shit

Tape Face: scandalous

Katsuki: Shut the fuck up, I’m not dating anyone, secret or not.

Raccoon Eyes: thats what they all say

Katsuki: Whatever. I’m not dating anyone.

Raccoon Eyes: kats n four eyes no420 sittin in a tree

Raccoon Eyes: k

Raccoon Eyes: i

Raccoon Eyes: s

Raccoon Eyes: s

Raccoon Eyes: i

Katsuki: I’ll blow up all of your left shoes when you’re not home.

Raccoon Eyes: n

Raccoon Eyes: NO

Raccoon Eyes: IM STOPPING DONT DO IT

Shitty Hair: Hey what do you guys think of this photo

Shitty Hair: image.png

Tape Face: dude yes

Raccoon Eyes: AWWWW OUR FIRST BILLBOARDS AS PROS

Katsuki: Do we really need to send them pictures? It’s not like we fucking forgot this stuff already.

Tape Face: you can be a killjoy if you want lmao

Tape Face: im sure mina will send more than enough to cover for you

Raccoon Eyes: U BETCHA

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Tape Face: lmao why do you have a pic of katsuki throwing ei

Shitty Hair: I still can’t believe you did that bro

Shitty Hair: WITHOUT WARNING TOO

Katsuki: I gave you plenty of fucking warning.

Shitty Hair: Saying “I’m throwing you” AS YOU’RE THROWING ME is NOT PLENTY OF WARNING DUDE

Raccoon Eyes: im always ready to document golden moments

Katsuki: Shut the fuck up. We won the training exercise so what’s it fucking matter?

Shitty Hair: YOU THREW ME!!

Katsuki: Tape Face caught you before you could get hurt.

Shitty Hair: YOU /THREW/ ME!!!!!!

Tape Face: barely caught

Katsuki: Whatever.

Raccoon Eyes: im still impressed by how eASY u made that look

Katsuki: What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?

Raccoon Eyes: o look conveniently timed distraction photo spam

Katsuki sighed as he continued the conversation, commenting here and there on the photos his friends sent for judgement. In retrospect, he probably should have tried to talk to Shion first, since there was a chance she would have denied the time off for the reunion. Although, knowing her, she would have accepted just to force Katsuki into socializing. He opened up a new text message, figuring that if Shion did decide to deny the time off, he would at least have a screenshot to send to his friends explaining the sudden change in plans.

Katsuki: I need March 28th and 29th off.

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Do my eyes deceive me? The great Katsuki Bakugou, asking for time off?

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): I’m amazed! Usually I have to ask you to take the day off!

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Nay, not ask, but force!

Katsuki: Are you going to give it to me or not?

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Depends! What do you need the time off for?

Katsuki: Class reunion.

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Oh those are fun!

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Fill out the proper time off paperwork and have it on my desk by Monday. I’ll approve the time off.

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Just keep your phone on you in case we need you to come in for an emergency, but I’ll try not to ruin your reunion with work.

Katsuki: Thanks.

Well, so much for an easy way out.

Katsuki pinched the bridge of his nose when he noticed that his phone had already accumulated another thirty texts in the past few minutes, no doubt primarily from Mina. He scrolled through the backlog, sending a few mostly empty threats when he saw photos he did not want projected for the entire class to see, freezing when his gaze met a pair of familiar amber eyes.

Shit.

In his scramble to close out of the photo, to escape the genuine smile that somehow was more haunting than the one in his dreams, he left the group text completely. He briefly thanked his past self; he’d impulse or rage quit the group text plenty of times before that this wasn’t unusual behavior. If he was lucky, his friends wouldn’t have noticed the timing of his departure and would assume he was just fed up with the notifications or the conversation.

Shitty Hair: You okay, Katsuki?

A weak laugh escaped Katsuki’s lips as he read the newest notification. Of course Eijirou noticed.

Katsuki: I’m fine.

Shitty Hair: Okay

Shitty Hair: We don’t have to talk about it

Shitty Hair: But if you want to, I’m here dude

Shitty Hair: I’ll tell the others that you left so your phone would shut up and not to add you back yet

Katsuki: Thanks. Really.

Shitty Hair: No problem dude

Katsuki put his phone down, silently praying for the smile to leave him alone.

When he finally laid down for bed that night, he repeated the short prayer, for a peaceful night’s rest free of the smile, of the hurt, of the pain, of the guilt.

But as always, the smile came.

[curious-menace]

Have I really ever requested one thing of you (the pegging telltale Riddler h/c)? Time to change that; let's see how the Eddies would respond to being told by their partner that they're a "bad boy" and "need to be punishment" (sexually, of course) - Pegging Anon.

I really enjoy these kinds of asks. honestly just give me a blank check for mayhem, unleash me upon the riddlers like a plague of locusts 

nsfw below the cut

Arkham! Riddler

please be careful with this riddler. He has problems reading peoples tone and if he thinks youre angry at him you're liable to send him into a panic.

he really doesn't like dirty talk. dont call him a slut or a whore or anything like that. Not only is it demeaning and humiliating( 2 things this riddler doesnt deal well with) its just a terrible way to get him to do what you want.

again, the idea of punishment in a sexy setting is a turn off for him. He’s afraid of being strangled or choked and he doesn't find being hit sexy.

to put it simply, this riddler reacts better to the carrot than the stick. if you want a good reaction out of him, praise and affection work better. call him a good boy, give him pets and rewards. 

IF you were to coax him into it, safeword, soft restraints and reassuring from you that everything will be ok, he’ll still probably cry. he might enjoy himself but the emotional stress will still leave him in an utter state.

i know some people use BDSM to cope with trauma but maybe dont try this on him. pitch the idea and let him mull it over. dont bring it up more than once or twice and let him decide

he always needs a lot of aftercare. he needs to be constantly reassured, not just after sex, that you love him , that he’s done well. lots of kisses and soft words and let him rest from the heavy stuff for a little while. 

Blacklight riddler

another riddler you need to tread carefully with. he’s a kinky shit but like...a soft kinky shit who bruises easily.

He wont need coaxing. its either a hell yes or a hell no and you shouldn't push that. He likes sex games but he’s got trauma, sometimes something that was fine yesterday is triggering today so please be gentle and respectful with him.

He doesnt mind being called a bad boy, just not too often. mix it up and don't patronise him all the time . you can tell him off without treating him like a kid. 

he likes edging and orgasm denial as a punishment. just dont ruin his orgasm or he wont let you do it again. 

please don't ever hit him during sex. a playful thump on the arm when he’s telling a bad joke is one thing but if you touch him roughly during the act, even if he knows its coming, he finds it triggering. 

He’s pretty exclusively a sub but don't think that means he’s into punishment all the time. mostly he just likes his dominant to take care of him.

BTAS Riddler

i feel like it would throw him for a loop. he’d be confused as all hell, even if you said it in a sexy voice he might not get the message.

 he’d probably scoff at the idea. the notion that he’s anything other than perfect is laughable. he’s certainly not some sort of bad boy. you should sit on his lap and get him on the same page as you. watch his mouth go dry and his eyes go wide as you explain all the things you're going to do to him for being bad. he’ll do his best to stay composed but we both know its you who’d be wearing the pants by the end of the conversation. 

he’d want to be tied up. he’ll be gibbering and rambling the entire time, desperately trying to stay in control of the situation.  He’ll try to do things for you but a gentle reminder that you’re in control and if he doesn't anything he’ll be punished more will have him biting his tongue. 

I think humiliation works best on this one. im imagining something with rope or his suits since he’s so fond of them. maybe try and make him cum while still clothed? maybe some shibari under his suit jacket? i’ll let you decide. 

he doesnt have a safeword bc he thinks its strictly a bdsm thing and refuses to admit he’s into that. he prefers to use the traffic light system. although you probably had to teach him that. before hand he was using some nonsense riddler made system involving humming different songs. ode to joy for fun/keep going and  vivaldi winter for slow down.  you will have to gently explain what a batshit insane idea that was. 

Original Riddler

I imagine he’d be into it, moreso initially than the others. He doesnt have so much emotional baggage and he’s game to try anything once. 

I dont know if he’d find the idea of punishment sexy but he’ll try it for you. he’d probably just prefer you to frame it as impact play or degradation or whatever “just because” you wanna try it. something about it being a meant as a punishment just seems weird to him 

he does like being called names but in a cute playful way. he’s not liable to take offence at anything you say, inside or outside the bedroom but digs at his appearance do sting a little. even if youre “in character” so to speak when you say them. just reassure him after that you dont really think those things.

He’s one of the tallest riddlers and also has zero shame so you’ll need to be inventive when thinking of punishments. tying him up could actually hurt him with his circulation, he runs around in glittery spandex all day anyway so good luck trying to humiliate him. 

Because he is so tall and strong, its hard to hurt him. you could try spanking him, ask him to count out the spanks and listen as his voice gets higher and more unsteady with each one. 

actually in that note and given his penchant for dress up maybe you could try sub/dom roleplay? pretend you're a doctor/nurse or something and you're punishing him for his bad diet? if the punishment thing doesn't work out at least you’ll both get a giggle out of it. 

Telltale Riddler

Oh he is absolutely going to fight you on this one “i think YOU'RE the one who needs punishing , love.” . if you want to punish him you’ll have to fight for that right

he’s never really subbed before he met you. He’s happy to show you how to punish a sub but he really needs practice letting someone else hold the reins.

he pretends he doesn't like dirty talk. if you get him riled up and start whispering filthy things in his ear he’s going to melt a little. 

I cant think of a specific he’d like or something he’d find egregiously offensive, so i think you've got a blank cheque for mayhem here. do what you like and he’ll tell you then and there if he’s into it or not.  

but no blinders or restraints though. he’s claustrophobic after being in that icebox. He IS an escapartist mind you. even if you put him in something he’ll have wiggled out of it before you can blink . he MIGHT tolerate something just there for aesthetics or because the fabric feels nice, like maybe his tie or your hair bow tied loosely around his arms.

in the same vein, he’s sensitive so maybe you could lightly torture him with some sensory stuff. ice cubes or wax play?

Zero year Riddler

i Cannot stress to you enough what a horny fuck this one is. at the mere MENTION of sexy punishment he’s like “oh yes punish me ive been bad “ wiggling his ass in the air like a target. will call you Daddy regardless of your gender because we all know he has  issues. 

He’s 100 percent going to lean into it, goad you and taunt you to punish him more, get angrier or hit him harder. he gets off on the pain, yes but he also just really enjoys being an insufferable shit. 

“EDWARD THIS IS PUNISHMENT YOU ARENT SUPPOSED TO ENJOY IT” - you, probably. 

i dont think the traditional sexy punishment things will work on this one. youre going to have to get creative. like tell him you are in charge of his wardrobe and death traps for the week. 

something that MIGHT work would be forcing him to wear a toy or even just some lingerie under his suit. He’s going to be embarrassed as all hell because this riddler is a big buff cheeto puff who takes his appearance seriously. BUT he cant deny the thrill of maybe the lace poking out over his waist band when he bends or the outline of a bralette being seen under his shirt, isnt a little arousing.

please dont be surprised when he turns around a week later and pulls this exact same shit on you. 

there you go nonnie !  this one was quite a lot of fun! i have a rule of trying not to write more than 6 points for each but it was hard to compress down this time around. so much variety in personality and temperament in the one character there's a lot to write about 

got something you wana talk about? send me an ask or a dm! im always game to talk about our favorite curious menace 💚💜

[bokutosbestie2]

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Ah thanks to those who are reading this story! Love you all ☻

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Y/N Pov:

After getting dropped off by Atsumu, I check my phone to only see 20 miss calls from Semi.

Yikes, he probably thought I died or something...

I decide to call him back.

" Hello. "

" Y/N WHAT HAPPEN TO YOU! I WAS TRYING TO FIND YOU ALL OVER THE PARTY! " he shouted through the phone.

" OK FIRST OF ALL CALM DOWN! I'M OK DON'T WORRY! "

" Thank GOSH! I REALIZED YOU WERE GONE AROUND 3 am?! "

" Wow what a nice friend realizing I was gone after 5 hours at the party! " I say with sarcasm.

" HEY! AT LEAST I REMEMBER?! "

" YEA! You right... " I laughed.

" OH ALSO?! How did you get home your car is still at the Venue?! " Semi asks confused.

" WELL!  A guy name Atsumu helped me out when I was completely out! "

" ATSUMU?! THE VOLLEYBALL PLAYER?! LIKE THE REALLY GOOD ONE?! "

" Yea?! The one with the twin! "

Why is he so surprised?

" DO YOU GUYS KNOW EACH OTHER?! "

" No, we just met last night! How do you know him ?" I asked curiously.

" We used to play volleyball together in high school same with his brother Osamu! Also, Osamu catered for the party! "

" Hmm, interesting... Well, I met Osamu at his restaurant."

" Osamu is the calmer twin but he still pretty crazy, on the other hand, Atsumu is a big flirt with the girls watch out!" Semi laughs on the phone.

" Yea not interested. "

" Haha, that's a loss for him! Anyways you need a break from volleyball players. " Semi laughs.

" Yea I do! Alright SEMI SEMI I'm gonna get going now I have to finish a couple of things from work. Also, I need to cure this hangover before tomorrow. "

" Ok then ILL LET YOU GO! BYE! "

" Bye Semi! "

We both end the call.

Now I need to find a way to get my car before noon because I have tons of work to do.

I can't ask Semi to take me there because he staying at a friend's house, I can probably ask Kenma to help me. I haven't seen him in a while so maybe we can catch up a little also.

I shoot a text to Kenma.

Texting on phone:

Y/n: “ Hey are you free right now? “

5 minutes later

Kenma: " yea why? "

Y/n: " Do you think you can come over right now?!

Kenma: " I don't see why not. "

Y/n: " PERFECT! "

I put my phone down on the counter and change into different clothes because I was still in Atsumu shirt.

I guess I'll be keeping the shirt until we meet again, or if we ever.

30 minutes later

I hear my doorbell ring, and it was Kenma.

" KENMAAA COME IN! " I say happily."

" Hey what's up its been a while! " he says as he went in for a hug.

" Nothing really.. "

" Bs I heard you and Kageyma broke up.. "

" FROM WHO?! " I say confused.

" Hinata... "

" OH YEAAA HIS BESTFRIEND... "

" Yea, he didn't really tell him but Hinata suspected when he texts him " how are things going with y/n, " and let's say he didn't take it well. " Kenma said in a conflicted tone.

" WHY did he not take it WELL! He the one who broke up with me?!" I say angrily.

" Did he ever tell you why he broke up with you? " Kenma asked.

" No, he just said I dOn'T LOvE yOu aNyMoRE "

I’m so annoyed right now why is he acting like the victim.

" That's it? " Kenma was surprised.

" YEA! "

" Oh wow, I really didn't think that the reason like... Strange."

" Who cares, I don't like him either. "

Obviously, I was still hurting but it's fine I don't need him.. Screw him.

" If you say so! "

Kenma Pov:

Yea no she still likes him...

Y/N Pov:

" Enough about him... DO you want to help me get my car?! "

" Wheres your car? " Kenma asks confused

" UH well, It's at a Venue.. "

" Did you go to a party or something? "

" Yea Semi had a party yesterday and let's say I got a little too wasted... BUT don't worry someone helped me out... "

" Uh, who helped you out? "

" I don't know if you know him but he is also a Volleyball player, his name is Atsumu the last name is Miya? "

" Wait a minute the one with the twin? "

" YEA HIM!"

" Are guys friends?! " Kenma asks

" No, I literally just met him last night. "

" Atsumu is a nice guy he just a big flirt. "

" THAT'S WHAT SEMI SAID?! "

" Well, it's because he is always out with a new girl every week. "

" Yea no thanks... " I say weirded out.

" Ok, so are we going to get your car?! " Kenma asks in a bored tone.

" Ok, let us go! "

I got into Kenma's car, luckily the venue is only 20 minutes away.

" AHH MY Precious car!! " I shouted.

" SHEEZ be louder next time will ya. "

" Kenma stop being grumpy... " I say as I try to keep in my laugh.

" Yea whatever go get your car now! "

" Already kicking me out... "

" Yes! "

" AH YOUR SO COLD! " I laugh

" Ok well thank you Kenma! We actually need to hang out ok?! "

" Fine... We will one of these days. " he smiles.

I get out of the car, wave to Kenma then I get in my car.

Finally, I can go home now and start working on projects.

After the 20 minute drive, I get in my house and start working on the three projects.

Meanwhile At this time:

Atsumu pov:

I'm sitting on the couch, my phone started buzzing uncontrollably.

What the heck.

I flip my phone over only to see texts from my friends. I open up the group chat and see something unexpected. A PHOTO OF ME AND Y/N IN THE CAR ON “ THE PEOPLES “ TWITTER PAGE.

The big 4 :

Sakusa: Oh so is she another new girl?

Bokuto: Already Atsumu?!

Hinata:  Isn't that Kageyama's ex!

Me: NO NO THEY GOT IT WRONG WE ARE NOT GOING OUT!

Me: ALSO HINATA DID YOU JUST SAY?! KAGEYAMA EX?!

So that's who broke her... What a small world.

Sakusa: Sure that's what you say about every girl..

Bokuto: Can we get a Rip

Hinata: Rip.. Also Yes

Sakusa: Rip

Sakusa: Damn already making moves on a girl who broke up with her boyfriend.

Bokuto: Wow..

Hinata: HAHA I WONDER HOW KAGS IS GOING TO REACT TO THIS..

Me: CAN YOU GUYS STOP THAT?!  YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG...

Sakusa: Ok then if she, not a random hook up who is she, and does she know she on " the people's " Twitter account label as mystery girl?!

Bokuto: YEA DOES SHE KNOW!?

Oh my, we just met and she isn't going to like this.

Me: NO SHE DOESNT KNOW...But she was some random girl at the party Osamu was catering. I decided to help her out because she was alone and drunk so I took her to Osamu's house, so she can sober up. The next morning I took her home because she left her car at the Venue... I DIDNT THINK THE Paparazzi WOULD CARE SO MUCH?!

Hinata: Wow Atsumu that was nice of you.

Bokuto: ^^^

Sakusa: Well you're going to have to tell her or do something about it because we all know how crazy your fangirls get.

Me: Fine fine let me tell her right now.

After texting the group chat, I was about to text y/n only to remember... I don't have her number, but I think Osamu has her number.

I texted Osamu, now I have to wait for him to respond.

Now back to y/n :

Finally, I'm almost done with this projects...

Then all of sudden I get a text from Tendou.

I looked at my phone and I can't believe what I see... He sends me a screenshot of Me and Atsumu in the car... It was trending on Twitter. The title was " Star setter mystery girl? "

Texting On phone:

Tendou: I didn't know you guys were going out?

Y/n: OH MY GOSH? Please tell me this is a joke?!

Tendou: No I don't think so...

Y/n: WE ARE NOT GOING OUT... I MET HIM LAST NIGHT!

I explained to Tendou what happened last night.

Tendou: this Has to be the most miss interpreted picture ever. LMAO!!

Y/n: YEA IT IS NOW EVERYONE AT WORK IS GOING TO ASK ME... OH NO KAGEYAMA PROBABLY SAW THIS!

Tendou: HAHAHA.. WHO CARES HE BROKE UP WITH YOU... His loss..

Y/n: YOUR RIGHT! BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE KNOW AS ATSUMU ANOTHER GIRL?! I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE GUY!

Tendou: Has he talked to you about it?!

Y/n: No HE DOESNT EVEN HAVE MY NUMBER?!

Tendou: Well this is going to be fun to watch...

Y/n: NO it's NOT..

I stressfully put my phone down on the counter...

What I'm I going to do?! HOW DID I GET INTO TO THIS MESS?

I hear another notification go off on my phone... It was an unknown number.

Text message:

Hey can we talk?

Y/n: Who is this?

Atsumu: Its Atsumu

Y/n: NO WE CANT TALK DID YOU SEE TWITTER?

Atsumu: YES I KNOW THAT'S WHY I WANT TO TALK?

Y/n: Also? HOW DID YOU GET MY NUMBER?

Atsumu: OSAMU GAVE IT TO ME!

oh, yea I forgot I gave him my number.

Atsumu: WELL HEAR ME OUT! This will die down tomorrow, me and the team are leaving for Osaka in the morning so you don't even have to see me again.

Y/n: Sheez that's a harsh way to put it.

Atsumu: I mean if you want to see me you can~

Oh my, I can hear his flirtatious tone from here.

Y/n: NO!

Atsumu: AW you're SO MEAN!

Atsumu: ALSO I DIDNT KNOW Kageyama was your boyfriend...

Y/n: Who told you that?

Atsumu: Hinata! We play on the same team..

Y/n: OH Gosh NOW IT SEEMS LIKE IM JUMPING AROUND Guy to Guy...

Atsumu: YOU THINK IT MAKES YOU SEEM BAD? IT MAKES ME SEEM BAD TOO!

Y/n: Atsumu Shut up! Everyone knows you're a big flirt.. now I'm going to seem like I'm one of your little playthings.

Y/n: WHAT IM GOING TO SAY at WORK PEOPLE ARE GOING TO ASK IF WE HOOKED UP?!

Atsumu: I have an Idea.. What if we pretend we're dating?

Y/n: HUH?

Atsumu: It will fix both our reputation.. I won't be seen as the guy who hooks up with every chick and people at work can stop questioning you. There's a BONUS we can make Kageyama jealous... You can win him back.

Y/n: IF we do this... together in private we don't have to act as a couple right.. I just MET YOU...

Atsumu: Yea don't worry your not even my type, this should be easy because I won't be near you.

Y/n: DEAL!

Atsumu: PERFECT! Just let me know if anything happens tomorrow! Ill fill you in too!

Y/n: Fine.

I place my phone down on the nearby table.

WHAT HAVE I DONE? IS THIS REALLY GOING TO WORK?

Atsumu pov:

Why couldn't have it been with much cuter girl? Now no girl is going to talk to me.. Stupid paparazzi.

Chapter 5

[mexdoll]

☆Come on ! Talk !

𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘊𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘒𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘺𝘢𝘮𝘢 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘖𝘪𝘬𝘢𝘸𝘢'𝘴 𝘚/𝘖 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵? 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘶, 𝘐 𝘭𝘶𝘷 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘦𝘩𝘦🥺🥺 (𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘰 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘢𝘺 <𝟥 )

a/n: i live for angst

✧okay so like oikawa tooru is a very jealous caring boyfriend

✧he suchs a caring boyfriend that he looks out for you

✧you know? the simple, if you look at my girlfriend in that way- ha ! i will break your nose :DD

✧hes- okay fine

✧he might not show it but hes super insecure about himself and doesnt want to loose you for someone better okay :’(

✧he acts cocky and all but hes deeply scared and doesn’t want to the thought of you finding him boring or not worth dating anymore

✧which is why he  possessives looks out for you

✧so when he sees you talking to this one person he doesnt like

✧he throws a fit

✧HE KNOWS that this person just wants to get in your pants

✧but due to his pride he-

✧he bottles it up

✧in his mind hes probs thinking : they’ll go away ^___^

✧so when he sees you hugging them,,,

✧hurt just pure in pain

✧but smile thru the pain :D

✧so when you go and hug him from behind, he acts like he’s fine

✧this goes on for like 3 months until

✧he,,, HE JUST SEES YOU PLAY WITH THEIR HAIR

✧he cracks- why?

✧BECAUSE THATS YOUR THING THAT MAKES HIM ADORE YOU

✧he drags you out of their arms, waking you up

✧cue some ✨angst✨

✧here you are defending yourself saying “they’re a friend and they just soft like that”

✧and then oikawa hits with you “oh then its okay for me to flirt with my fangirls if thats the case then huh?

✧that hurts? but he did have a point

✧BUT YOU DIDNT LISTEN AND KEEP ARUGING OMFG

✧so he gets tired of your shit and leaves.

✧you think: pfft he’ll come back

✧plus you’ll ignore him tmmr

✧play your cards right, y/n. oikawa is clingy

✧deadass after he went home he started texting you

✧and you ofc, leave him on read <3

Oikawa waits for you outside of the school. He was waiting for you for nearly 16 minutes. Nothing. He knows he shouldn't have said that. BUT YOU WERE TOO CLOSE WITH THEM HOW COULD HE NOT-. No oikawa, calm down, they’ll forgive you ^__^ !. He even bought you your favorite snack and favorite hoodie you love to wear. What could he go wrong?

When he sees you and yells out your name “Y/N, LOOK WHAT I BROUGHT YOU” with the biggest smile on his face, it slowly drops when you walk inside. He watches you- his heart hurts. WAIT NO, ARE YOU GOING TO BREAK UP WITH HIM? OIKAWA CALM DOWN !. 

He keeps following you, trying to talk with you. But you simply just. Not look at him. It hurts. When he sees you go in the bathroom he slowly sigh to himself. He’ll talk to you at lunch. YEAH ! lunch it is :D !

Not going as planned. You're just talking to iwa ! the ! whole ! time ! >:(. Again after again he tries so hard  to talk to you. But as much he tried, you were saved by the bell. You almost gave up the act. Oikawa brown eyes just looking at you everytime you walk by just aches your heart.

This went on for a week. No talking, not even listening to him. HE’S NOT SAYING SORRY EITHER. God, why is he so stubborn and dumb. Maybe if he just apologizes, you would have both been holding hands now >:(. You even stopped talking to the person !

After school you start packing your stuff and start heading outside. Walking home, you keep thinking about the billion text messages he sent.  And there he is again. Outside of your house. Alone and sad eyes. He’s playing with his fingers again. Yep it's time to forgive him. 

You walk towards him “Y/N, PLEASE JUST LISTEN TO ME, IM SO SO SORRY FOR SAYING THAT DUMB SHIT TO YOU” He wants to hug you so badly right now. “Please if you want to break up with me i understand but-”

“Woah woah, who said i was gonna break up with you?” “Y/N YOU TALKED OH MY GOD” oikawa screams as he wraps his arounds around you. “I really am sorry for hurting you, i shouldn't have made you feel bad for talking to your friends its just-”

“Tooru, its okay! Just don't say it again” “so does that mean i can kiss you right” “no. no it does not” You giggle as oikawa grumbles

✧okay so angry boi >:(

✧this mans just

✧only thinks about volleyball okay

✧not even other stuff like eating or idk

✧SPENDING TIME WITH HIS S/O

✧like helloo?? does the name y/n ring a bell

✧okay so toxic!kageyama is just.

✧um, not understanding at all or even try to

✧like youre his s/o why arent you supporting him

✧like kageyama, they are supporting you but you have to do the same bby

✧like you talk about your favorite things and hes like “oh thats cool”

✧no flavor, no interest at ALL !

✧its almost like he’s dating himself you know?

✧he cant wait for you but you have to wait for him for EVERYTHING

✧dates, school, pratice even napping together

✧and once you bring it up

✧he just

✧?? argues

✧not only argues but is really fucking mean too

✧you seen him get mad and all

✧just not with you

✧and hes all puff puff

✧he mostly doesnt mean anything he says AT all

✧but like omg-

“Y/n why are you being like this” Kageyama stops in front of you “You know i didn’t mean it” You roll your eyes and walk away. IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE. Fuck him and his volleyball. He really did hurt you and expect to just smile? No fucking way.

Man, kageyama just can't get you. You were being honest and now you can't take him being honest. You're so frustrating and ugh. Hinata sees him down and asks why, while in practice. Oh god then comes the whole team,,, great. Hinata big mouth once again just had to be loud

Oh? Is the great king gonna lose his queen? I wouldn't be surprised” The old gremlin tsukishima just had to speak huh. Now kageyama is even more annoyed. “Maybe you should just listen to them more, i mean you do care about them right? Daichi looked at kageyama“I do care but i don't understand why they got all mad” “Repeat what you said” “i said all they do is bitch and whine” Silence. Just silence. 

Then the team was coming for kageyama and his dumbness “Wow king, i knew you bad, but not this bad” tsukishima snorts “Poor y/n, they have to deal with the king”

“Fuck off” Kageyama’s even more annoyed now. “Try clearing it up today, i don't know, buy her flowers or her favorite things” Daichi the wise one was making sense in kageyama dense brain

“Unless you want y/n to not talk to you for the rest of your life tobio” Sugawara teased himNot talking to you? For the rest of his life? Nope ! not gonna happen. He rushed outside the practice doors to buy you your favorite stuff. Then rushed his way to your house. He was banging and ringing your bell like a maniac. 

For what seemed like hours was actually like 3 minutes, you finally opened the door. “Kageyama-” “LISTEN I WILL BE A BETTER BOYFRIEND BUT DONT STOP TALKING TO ME EVER” He gets on his knees and holds your feet “please forgive me, i love you so much i can't not tell you how much you make me happy” and then he cries softly

“Kageyama” you rub his back “I’m so sorry, I will never say that ever again, I promise you” he looks up with tears in his eyes. 

[irameii]

HEATHER:||: ERIC

Warnings:|| one sided love

Summary: I wish I was her....

A laugh rings throughout the air. One so familiar, you cant help but smiling automatically at the sound. His presence, one that illuminates wherever he goes. Slowly turning around, there he is ,your best friend.

There it is , a smile, a gesture so simple yet it causes a million butterflies to flutter within you and causes your mind to go fuzzy. Its like he doesn't know his own charm or the control he has over you, but no one knows. No one knows the feelings you carry within.

(Idkh these pov thingys work yet sorryy)

Eric: y/n!!!!!!. Eric yells as he jogs closer, and grabs y/n's shoulder y/n: yes Eric?* deep breath* Eric: did you do the homework for math class? * Breathe* y/n: Yeah I did.I actually finished it before class ended yesterday. Eric: you're gonna let me see it right??? *heart beating gets louder* Take a step back Y/n : nope. You should've done it. *starts walking down the hall* Thinking he's wandered off you let out a deep sigh... Knowing if you let him beg enough youd cave in and you knew better. He would never learn this way.and soon enough you could see yourself falling farther and farther into his grasp over time and he didnt even know it. You let out one more sigh before turning around to see Kevin , who cant help but look at you concerned. Kevin: whats wrong y/n?

.. You avoid eye contact. Kevin is one of those people. Someone who can tell when someones upset. He can read you well. So you knew you had to leave quickly. Y/n: I didnt get much sleep last night. So I'm feeling quite off today, its nothing serious. *nervous laughter*

He seems to kind of believe it since he just nods his head as if he can see it apparent on your face.. But something feels off, like he's pretending to believe you for your sake but you just excuse yourself and head towards the bathroom.Totally unaware he hasnt stopped looking your way since turning around as he nods to himself again as if comfirming somthing to himself before turing to head to his own class.

Y/n Pov

*splash*

*in a quiet voice* 'Whats wrong with me..'.. Its like the moment I look at him I cant help it. My heart begins to race, my stomach ends up feeling funny like there are millions of butterflies, and I get nervous and run away each time he gets closer... *Looks back at self in mirror* only if he knew...

(5 min later.)

*sigh* *walks towards math*

Other POV

You sit down before class begins , and there it is again , his laughter, but this time its different. You cant help but turn around to see whats caused the change in his voice, and its like your throat gets caught. Her. The girl he always is talking to you about.It seems like he was finally able to build the courage to talk to her. The one he wants to take to the movies to see his favorite movies with. The one he wants to show his safe places to . The one who keeps him up at night. The one he wants to wear matching clothes with. The one he wants to spend his holidays with. Her. Its her. Guess he didn't need the homework anymore afterall.

You quickly turn back around , trying to keep your emotions in. You feel yourself go colder with each sound. A tightening feeling in your chest builds everytime you hear them laughing . You sigh and breathe in slowly , praying the class ends quickly .

The moment class ended you jolt up quckly and grab your things and head towards your locker for the next class.

Y/n Pov

*sigh* *grabs snack for break*

Eric:y/n!!!

I dont respond.

Eric:y/n? Whats wrong .*looks concerned*

There he goes again.

Nothing Eric i say. He looks in disbelief. Knowing theres something off.

Eric: hmmm.You sure sure?. Hmm Well lets go with the rest of the guys. They are waiting for us for sure. *wraps arm around shoulder*

It was like a sudden new reflex. I didnt mean to. But jerking away from him seemed like the only thing that my body felt like I should do...

The look of surprise on his face made me feel embarrassed I reacted that way. And as soon as it looked like he was going to ask me what was wrong again I speed down the hall.

And there I meet the rest of the guys , thankfully.

New: thank goodness you're here. Look help me out. Changmin keeps saying this chucky doll here is cute... Come get him .

I cant help but laugh. I take a seat next to Sangyeons right side while Juyeon is on my left.

Juyeon looks towards me as i sit and smiles that crescent moon kind of smile. Of course i return it .

Y/n: I dont know about chucky being cute. But his bride is quite a beauty tho.

New:..... You... You two are something else with your horror movies... Like... You know what, forget it. *laughs in defeat.*

Y/n: *dramatic gasps* my oh my you say that like WE'RE the weird ones.🙄👀

Sunwoo and Q: periodt👀👏

Eric finally arrives.

Eric: Guys!! Guess what?

Sunwoo: you did your math homework for once?

Eric:.... Mm well Uh no, i didnt

Sangyeon: you didnt ask y/n for the answers this time?

Eric: no i did, but she said no. I got it from. H/n (her name)

Hyunjae: so thats what it is. You spoke to her?

*breathe*

Eric: yes and guys, like, I think I've maybe got a chance.

There he goes again... Her. Its all her. JUST her...

Jacob: so did you ask her out?

Eric: yeah I did. I invited her to our movie night tonight. I was gonna ask you guys if you guys were cool with it beforehand but I didnt think I would must the courage to.

Juyeon: anything for you to get the girl. We got you

New: IF he gets her. She just doesnt know the headache she's in for.

Sangyeon: Guess all that practice on y/n was worth it.

Practice...

Thats all I was....

He says it smiling towards me , not knowing the hurt his words have just caused subconsciously but I cant smile. Not even a forced one. I just pretend I didnt heard him.

Eric: yeah she told me she actually thought I was dating y/n but of course I could never. We're like siblings.

Ouch...

New: true...

Q: I dont even think eric is y/n's type anyways

I make eye contact with someone who seems to have been watching my every move.

Kevin...

He looks like he is observing everything... From my reactions to my responses.After another 3 seconds he looks away.Not saying a word either.

Everyones laughing. Everyones congratulating him.

Younghoon:y/n?

Everyone turns to face me.oh .

Y/n: hm?

I was too lost in thought. I spaced out.

Sangyeon: What time are you coming by?

Y/n: for what?

Sunwoo: for the movie. We gotta all be Eric's wingman here. He needs all the help we can offer.

Oh.. She will be there too? Can I handle it? Yes? No? No I cant handle it

Y/n: Uh i cant . I have something that just came up. I just remembered.

I lied. And sure enough. I was seen through.

Eric: like what?

Y/n: something

Q: really? What is it? Maybe we can help you out so you can come by and hang out.

Something is snapping within me. I need to leave.

Y/n: no thanks. You guys have fun.

I get up before they give me a response. I cant be around them . not until i get over these feelings. But its harder than i thought. But i dont want to take it out on them either so I should try.

Everytime We'd see each other after that. It was HER. It was either him with her or about her.

Everytime in class, itd be HER.

Every text , HER.

And the guys went along with it.

And everytime , itd hurt. A punch to the heart. And a bit tighter it would feel each time.

And the constant reminder that its just HER and will always be HER..

only if he knew.. I wish I was her.... its like the way he'd talk about her was like he was telling you the reason for his existence, the way his eyes shined when hed see her and then theyd soften when she'd smile at him,the smile he'd have when hed describe her or simply talk about her and trust me he was always proud to, or the way he tried to contain his happiness when she'd come around to speak to him just showed me all i needed to know.

He loved her. She made him happy . Thats all that mattered.

I felt one of those sad smiles form. Because though he was happy . I was not. I dont want to be reminded its not me constantly..so with thaat thought. I call it quits. Until I no longer feel this feeling. I'll distance myself so I can let go properly and move on with time.

I suddenly stopped responding to the gc messages. Slowly started to decline to hang out. But it seems it wasn't a big deal though. She was there eveytime instead.She became apart of everything they did. And with that I started to spend all my time in the library as a way to naturally distance myself. The guys were worried at first. But once i told them I needed perfect scores to get into my dream college, they decided me spending most of my time in the library for it was alright. It was for my other "dream college" so I should put it first they said. For my future they said.And then they also suddenly stopped asking me to hang out.It didnt take long.They also suddenly stopped directing messages towards me in the gc. Personal messages as well. Slowly one by one. We stopped having things to talk about ,like we've become strangers with time.. Now to just glances every now and then, that was all. Other than that, we became just like strangers. Strangers with memories....

Suddenly..

Kevin: y/n...

*Distant laughter*

I turn to look at Kevin.Sensing he had something to say but it wouldnt come out. He looks towards the table and I follow his gaze towards the table full of boys with her in it. I can only smile. I smile when they errupt with laughter at something new and sunwoo said. Happy they're happy. And with that I turn back to Kevin.

I can only smile at Kevin. No words. Just a smile.

The look on his face says he has something to say still present.

For the past 6 months. He would have that same look on his face when I'd walk past him. But hes never actually stopped me.

Kevin: y/n...

And just like that . Suddenly I'm wrapped in a warmth I didnt think I missed. And it's like it went quiet..and the sound of sniffling fills my ears , and his hold gets tighter. Oh Kevin..

THE END.

Authors note: Maybe I can male a Pt2? This one turned out bad tbh .

I did not edit this but i will later onnnn thank youuuuuu

[tigerdrop]

What is your Benrey’s motivation for everything that happened in Black Mesa? Getting Gordon’s hand cut off, trying to kill the Science Team, etc. Was it all a game to him and he didn’t realize the seriousness of it to the others? Did he actually want to kill them but is chill now?

oh man i have thought about this anon. way more than perhaps i should

so, you know, initially his motivation is just doing his job. you see a guy with his dick out and without the credentials to be where he is, you do your job and ask for it. but at the same time, hes also literally been described as “openly lustful” after gordon by WRTV, and i think that plays a factor here too - benrey keeps following him b/c he just plain likes the guy. how he actually expresses that desire notwithstanding

but then u get into the betrayal and the final boss fight and everything. and my long-winded and unorganized rationale for all that stuff is: what i think is that benrey is, you know, self-aware as the title implies, and he knows that hes got a part to play here. hes kind of “supposed” to be the bad guy. and at first he has fun playing the game - he really gets a kick out of making gordons life difficult and stressing him out and scaring him a little sometimes. its all games to him! and if theres one thing benrey makes clear, its that he just wants to play games with people, whether its video games or thinly-veiled power play games. he likes pushing gordons limits and seeing him get all fuckin sweaty and anxious and hearing him yelp with surprise. you know, for normal reasons.

but at the same time, he also really seems to like making gordon laugh, and theres a constant push-pull between these aspects of him. benrey doesnt have a very high level of emotional intelligence/awareness/whatever you wanna call it, and he processes his feelings for gordon much like a fuckin kindergartner pulling their crush’s pigtails. benrey likes being mean, he likes being obnoxious, and he likes being condescending, that much is all true. but its all in service of one thing: getting a rise out of gordon, b/c he fucking likes the guy and likes having his attention, whether its positive or negative. (although judging from how much he goes out of his way to do silly shit to make gordon laugh, he really likes the positive stuff, too.)

(on a side note: its really, really funny how much more/harder gordon laughs at benreys jokes than anybody elses. he clearly likes benrey a lot, at least to an extent. like, whenever theyre underwater and theyre all going BBBBB, gordon only really laughs when benrey does it, and he only plays along and makes the noise himself when benrey does it. thats fucking cute, man)

its also worth pointing out that for all that benrey gets in gordons way and makes life difficult for him, hes also pretty protective of him and tries to be helpful in his own way. see: benrey stepping in to “protect” him from the other security guard at the very beginning, and leaping into action to shoot shit to protect gordon, and pulling him up from the ladder when gordons struggling to get out of fucking sewage, and attempting to help out with puzzles. he also gets jealous of other people being the target of gordons affection/attention, too. honestly benreys just really fuckin capricious, but at his core he does a lot of the shit he does b/c he really likes gordon. even if that manifests as him being a condescending asshole who does shit specifically to piss gordon off or scare the daylights out of him (b/c, at his core, he is also kind of a creep.)

he doesnt really seem to understand the consequences of his actions and the games he plays a lot of the time, either. at his core i dont think benrey wants to hurt gordon for reals - he sounds genuinely surprised and upset that the military was cutting off gordons hand. and he was probably Actually Unhappy to see gordon being in severe pain like that. thats not fun anymore, right, thats not playing the game that benrey wanted to play. my understanding is that he sold gordon out because he knows the part hes gotta play, right. somebodys supposed to be the “bad guy”. whether hes being pushed into it by gman or for whatever other reason. he just.......never anticipated that it would lead to that, i think. the entire science team was shocked at gordons hand getting cut off, too, and honestly theyre all culpable for what happened to gordon! they were all conspiring for one reason or another, whether deliberately or through being tricked into it

as like further justification for that idea, benrey intermittently forgets what the deal is with gordon missing his hand, like at the end of part 3 where he sounds genuinely worried about what happened to gordons arm. and he also doesnt really seem to “get” what the deal is with people being dead - stuff cant really hurt him, and he expresses surprise and confusion during part 4 when they keep running into dead scientists. probably all he really “gets” is that humans are supposed to have all their body parts, and theyre supposed to be, you know, alive and well, but his grasp on the concepts of severe bodily harm and death is.......loose at best. along with his grasp on “human concepts and needs” in general

and honestly during part 4 i get the vibe that benrey doesnt.......actually want them to get to the end. he doesnt want to have to be the big bad boss. he keeps trying to get them all to turn back and go back to black mesa proper. and hes really dialed up to 11 during this part, both in terms of being an obnoxious obstacle to gordons goals and in terms of doing as much as he can to be cute and nice and make gordon laugh. its really pointed IMO. like, the conflicting goals of thinking, “if i get in his way enough, hell give up and he wont go to xen and have to fight me” and also “maybe if im really nice to him and make him laugh a lot, hell listen to me and we wont have to fight”. hes really wringing the most that he can out of their interactions before they have to fight each other. unfortunately for benrey, that gives off some really mixed messages, and thats just not gonna work

theres also the bit during the final boss fight where gordon cant find the last passport, and benrey just so happens to pull one out and be like “oh nooo haha you mean this one? you better not shoot it and beat me”. which really hammers home the point that he doesnt necessarily want to be the big bad evil guy, and he doesnt really want to kill gordon. but he has to play the part he was given. all he really wants is to be friends, and also to suck gordon freemans dick. (why not both?)

but at the same time, i imagine that benreys really confused and unhappy by the mixed messages that gordon gives him, too. benrey sounds so like........genuinely sad and dejected after gordon gets mad at him during part 4 over the events of the past day, focused on benrey alone. benreys probably really stressed out by all of this. he just wanted to be gordons friend, but gordon keeps taking out all his anger on him. and gordons mad at him for killing people, but gordons killed a bunch of people too. he doesnt get why the rules are different for gordon or why the rules keep changing or why gordon keeps getting mad at him and then laughing at his jokes like it’s nothing. the whiplash is probably hard to deal with and might well contribute to him being like “you made me bad!”

anyway god that is. so much to read and isnt super organized. tl;dr benrey may be mean and obnoxious and outright malicious at times, but not b/c he hates gordon or actively wanted to severely hurt him/kill him. hes just kind of a fucking creep with an alien sense of morality and a poor grasp on how humans work

thanks 4 reading,

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Comparing RWBY and YGO DM: The Handling and Evolution of Themes

Hey! Its been a hot minute since I last posted anything RWBY-related but Im laying in my bed right now and Im sick and bored so I guess we're doing this. Today I will do my best to analyze what I percieve to be the main themes and messages of both of these shows, or more specifically, how theyre handled narratively. Im mostly focusing on that part because, while these series do have similar themes and messaging, they are still a few things in which they are wildly different. And with that, lets start with this essay-post-thing!

1. Theres something we need to adress first

Okay so, before we can really talk about this, theres something I feel the need to clarify here: Neither of these stories was "planned from the beginning".

Now, I dont think a story being planned from the beginning or not nesscessarily makes the story any better or worse by default, however, it is still important to acknowledge because the way the story is planned is going to affect every facet of it. Things are not going to be foreshadowed properly, things are gonna be set up only for nothing to come of it, the story might drastically change directions, characters might act differently, etc, etc.

And, this is bit off-topic but, it's much better to just admit that the story was not planned than trying to pretend that it was. Like, there are a lot of reasons why I tend to be so forgiving towards YGO even though its not very good, but one of them is definitely the fact that, as far as Im aware atleast, the guy who wrote it isnt pretending to have had this big master plan all along and neither is the fandom. With RWBY on the other hand... yeaaaah, its kinda the opposite. From what Ive seen of RWBYs fandom, there seems to be this pretty popular narrative that everything was planned even though it clearly wasnt. Thats pretty bad and honestly lowers my opinion of the writers so much more than if they would just admit to not having a proper plan.

Like, I initially consumed YGO like this: Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Monsters, Yu-Gi-Oh (aka Season 0), like, a quarter of the Yu-Gi-Oh manga (I still havent finished it)

In all three of these we have the character of Yami Yuugi, or just Yami. Broadly speaking, he is an ancient egyptian gamer spirit who lives in a magical puzzle that has not been solved for 3000 years until this highschooler named Yuugi Mutou comes along and solves it, thus setting him free and allowing him to possess Yuugi and have access to the vague magical powers of the puzzle.

In Duel Monsters he's perfectly fine most of time, morally speaking. There is an instance of him almost murdering a guy and its a bit unclear what exactly happens to those he mindcrushes but overall he's very much a pretty good guy. In Season 0 most of what he does is set up these games for bad people, where they will go insane no matter what they do. From how I understand this whole Shadow Game, Penalty Game stuff, if you lose a Shadow Game, you get violent and intense hallucinations and you will always cuz yknow, gamer spirit. But if you try to cheat, which most of the bad people do in this show, you get violent and intense hallucinations as a punishment.

Since the two anime are generally considered two different continuities, its perfectly fine that Yamis characterization is wildly different in both of them. But in the manga both of these characterizations appear, basically one after the other with no real arc or consequences, for that matter. Why is that? Simply put, someone thought it was a good idea to try to turn an episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror manga into a more traditional, more plot-driven battle shounen. From what Ive heard, it was apparently largely because of network interference or something, but the point is, it changed directions incredibly drastically with little planning and everyone knows this and I can understand that for the most part.

In RWBY we have the character of Blake Belladonna, who, in the first 3 volumes/seasons atleast, was this aloof, more toned down loner-type character with a pretty strong sense of justice. She's an in-universe marginilized racial minority and she clearly cares about racial injustice. The way its initially framed makes it seem like she had a very hard life and no stable support system, which is what eventually pushed her to join a Civil Rights group/Terrorist organization (good god, the Faunus subplot is so awful, I could write a whole essay about it but Im already de-railing rn so I'll just save that for later).

Then, in volumes 4-5 it turns out her father is actually like, the mayor or chief of this island-place called Menagerie and she grew up in this big mansion with multiple guards/servants. Oh and also, apparently "space is a commodity" on there, so theres that. She still retains large parts of her personality but she's kinda like, worse somehow I think. I cant really describe it in a meaningful way but I hope you get what Im saying anyway. Then in Volume 6 she confronted her emotional abuser Adam (sorry for not mentioning him sooner but yeah, he was like, her abusive boyfriend, which is something that a lot of people disagree with but I wont really say anything about it either way because I dont really feel any specific way) with her friend, Yang, and ended up killing him.

After all that, she pretty much lost the rest of her personality, as well as her arc about all the Faunus stuff. She just kinda became the meek, generically nice, recovering abuse victim. Why? Well, the actual reason is that they didnt plan out shit and are just kinda flying by the seat of their oversized clown-pants and if they and the fandom just admitted it, I would have less of an issue. I still wouldnt be as forgiving towards RWBY as I am towards YGO because the crux of the issue, for me, is just that I dont particulary like RWBY but also like. Do you really expect me to take MKEK seriously as writers after admitting to not have a timeline because iT wOuLd CaUsE pLoThOlEs?

However, since they want us to believe that everything was planned out from the beginning, the explaination would be.... Idk, they deliberately butchered one of their main characters?? Because.. they hate her?? Maybe????

So yeah, that was quite a detour however, I would like you to keep this mind going forward.

2. Themes of the Early Series'

First, what do mean by 'Early Series' for both of these shows respectively? Well, for YGO that would have to be Season 0 or if youre reading the manga, everything pre-Duelist Kingdom. Basically, the part of the series thats a episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror series.

For RWBY that would be the first three Volumes, also known as the Poser-Era. Back then it was just kinda an action series that took place at Anime Warrior Academy (also known as Beacon) with some pretty bare minimum worldbuilding, character-driven plots and developments but now its more of an epic high-fantasy story with more of an emphasis on plot as opposed to just action.

The themes and messages in Early YGO are kinda vague, very confusing to me and if you were to follow any of it literally that would be pretty bad. For now Im just gonna say the main themes are Friendship and Identity and mostly focus on the Identity aspect.

Now, it took me a little while to figure out RWBYs deal but I think the main themes for Volumes 1-3 are also Friendship and Heroism. Once again, I'll mostly focus on Heroism and touch on Friendship more briefly later.

I dont have much more to add to YGOs themes right now, so I'll briefly go over Heroism in RWBY.

In RWBYs setting there are these man-eating monsters called Grimm that have basically infected the planet. In order to deal with that, they have people called huntsmen and huntresses that kill them and protect people. Theyre trained at special academies like Beacon and go on missions there and stuff like that. Our four main characters, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and Yang, are training to become huntresses and one day they go on this mission to clean up a grimm infested city block with one of their teachers. Obviously, that takes a long time so they have to camp out in one of the empty houses. Weiss, Blake and Yang cant sleep because theyve been thinking about this question that their teacher asked them when they were fighting grimm: "Why do you want to become a huntress?"

They have a heart to heart and we find out about their motivations; Weiss wants to bring honour back to her family, Blake want to distance herself from the White Fang (that terrorist organization I mentioned earlier) and as an extension from Adam, Yang wants to have a life of adventure. They also talk about why Ruby wants to be a huntress and it turns out that she judt wants to help people. Unlike the others, she has no motivation besides that. We're meant to listen to that and look at her as a sort-of personification of Heroism: kind, but not naive, strong and most of all, selfless. The others on her team are not portayed as bad for not being like Ruby by any means but we are clearly meant to admire her the most out of all of them.

Okay, now comes the part Ive been looking forward to the most:

3. How did these themes evolve in the Modern Series'?

Alright, before we can really delve into the way they evolved in YGO I'll have to give you a brief summary of the character progression. At the start of DM, during the Duelist Kingdom arc, Yami Yuugi is just that; A darker Yuugi. Hes more confident, bolder, his voice is deeper, hes somehow taller, more ruthless, all that good stuff. Notably, he doesnt actually seem more skilled than Yuugi even at the start of this story, but he's still dependent on Yami. Yami on the other hand, has no identity of his own or even hints at one at this point. He's just The Other Yuugi.

Then during the Battle City arc, they find out that Yami was actually a pharao prior to being sealed in the puzzle, he just didnt know because of amnesia, I guess. So now they need to find out his real name and then send him to the afterlife because hes meant to be dead, but not before saving the world from being swallowed by darkness, which is also a thing they have to do now.

Then we finally get to the Memory World arc, where Yami, Yuugi and the rest of the gang astralproject to ancient egypt via puzzle magic. Yami is trying to figure out what the hell is going on and who all these familiar people are, while Yuugi & Co are trying their best to help him. Then some weird shit happens and it turns out that all of that is not just Yamis sealed away memories, but also a giant D&D Shadow Game that will destroy the world if Yami loses. So now theres Pharao!Yami who is still clueless on the metaphorical and literal playing field and Player!Yami, who is kinda controlling himself now? I guess?? Yamis opponent, The Spirit of The Ring, has something similar to that going on where hes both controlling and properly participating in the game. So Player!Yami is now fighting against Player!TSoTR, Pharao!Yami is now fighting against Thief King Bakura (who is like, the human, ancient egyptian version of the Ring Spirit) and Yuugi is now fighting against Yami Bakura (who is like, the human, modern japanese version of the Ring Spirit). Yuugi gets Yamis real name, he and the gang go over to Pharao!Yami and tell him his name, meanwhile Player!Yami is also somehow helping as well and they defeat the Ring Spirit, thus saving the world. Then they travel to modern Egypt, the Ceremonial Duel happens and Yuugi wins, sending Yami to the Afterlife where he can finally rest and that was the series!

I originally wanted to recount the stuff that was going on with the Ring Spirit and his host as well because they parallel eachother, but this summary is already far too long and I think youll get the point without me needing to explain any more.

My point here is, that the story went from being vaguely about Identity, maybe? to being very clearly about Self-Discovery and Learning to Be Independent. I think this is a very good way to evolve the messaging of your story. How does RWBY track on that?

Well, uh... its not great. I will acknowledge that they have tried to introduce new themes and ideas since, even though I wont really be talking about them in this post. But yeah, the whole Heroism thing really regressed.

Like, I didnt explicitly say it when I was explaining grimm earlier, but theyre not going away. The grimm have always been there and people who sign up to become huntsmen and huntresses are effectively signing up for a job that will never truly be done, no matter what they do. Characters like Ruby and even more minor ones like Phyrrah have shown us that that doesnt matter when youre a hero. No life isnt worth saving, no grimm isnt worth killing, no criminal isnt worth arresting. Then, in volume 6 they find out about Salem. Salem is the Big Bad of the show, shes immortal, controls the grimm and is supposed to be very powerful.

What do our heroes do? They give up. Sike! They were just mindcontrolled by monsters or some shit, of course they didnt give up their mission (which is to bring an Important Macguffin to a city called Atlas, sorry I didnt mention it)!

But then they arrive in Atlas (which is llike, a city thats floating over another city called Mantle) and yknow, they do some plot stuff thats not really important right now until the city gets invaded by Salem and this big grimm army she has.

What do our heroes do? Well, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and some side characters are chilling, drinking tea in a mansion and Yang and the B Team were actually trying to do something, but even those efforts seem incredibly minimal.

Oh wait, I also forgot to mention that Ironwood (a fairly minor, vaguely antagonistic character up until now) wanted to lift Atlas even higher to save Atleasian civilians from danger while leaving Mantle vulnerable to Salems invasion.

What would be the most heroic thing to do?

A) Let Ironwood lift Atlas, get as much support as they can down to Mantle and save as many Mantle civilians as they can from the invasion

B) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas but then split up in order to protect both Atlas and Mantle civilians

C) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas and then dont do anything else

Congrats! If you choose C, you think exactly like the writers!

And I just

This is so mindboggling to me, I feel like I shouldnt even have explain how this is bad. And like, it wouldve been so easy to actually make them seem herokc through their actions, to make it seem like they did try but no.

I have never seen a central theme be this botched, how in the world did they do that? Why did they think it was a good idea for Ruby "The Embodiment of Heroism" Rose to sit in a mansion doing nothing, no planning, no organizing just ..... God, how are they this bad? Like, this doesnt even have anything to do with it being planned in any way, this is just straight up incompetence

4. Very briefly touching on friendship

The friendship is awful and its not solely because they all have the same opinions. They barely interact with eachother outside their designated pairs which leads to it all feeling incredibly hollow. Theyre also practically indistingushable from one another now, which is a shame because it wasnt always like that. Like, I dont think the characters were that well-developed in earlier volumes but they were very well-characterized. But now we've gotten to a point where you can literally copy and paste one characters dialogue onto another and literally nothing changes, it really sucks.

5. Some closing words

Damn, this took way longer than I thought it would and now Im pretty exhausted. I have no idea how yall always write these but props to you! I feel like this ended up a bit rambly but overall, Im pretty proud.

Please let me know what you think of the points I brought up! Id also really appreciate some tips on how to get better at these longer posts because I am planning on writing more in the future (not the near future, probably but yknow).

Thats all I have to say for now, thanks for reading!

[acidmatze]

I said “I wont elaborate” under my Gojou is autistic blurb earlier but that was because it was 3am and now its not and im more or less conscious (Awake would be an overstatement) and my need to overshare is as big as my brain telling me not to because my words dont make any sense anyyway (Unstoppable force VS unmoveable object)

This isnt meta or an analysis its just me screaming excitedly into the void while i wait for my headphones to charge so i can leave the house (music blocks out noises)

So why would I say he is autistic in the first place? Because I can. “Oh but he doesnt seem autistic hes so open and extroverted and talkative” Bruh, if i would have to list all extroverted, talkative, open autistic people i know we would still be sitting here tomorrow. Autistic = introverted, quiet and shy is a false equivalency and we should bury it. Anyway, I wouldnt have thought of him as autistic too until i read how everyone else around him (sometimes including the reader) reacts to him. How they describe him and I realised that this didnt match up at all with what I was perceiving. And then i realised that people used to perceive me exactly the same way as they perceive Gojou now. The reason they now view me differently is 1. I avoid people out of fear 2. I did years of therapy and introspection and think i have the worst mistakes under control now. NTs are really picky with what behaviours they accept and when and seriously i still dont know what their deal is, just chill out. I am still consciously choosing different dialogue options than i normally would but those would piss people off for reasons i can only vaguely understand. Gojou meanwhile doesnt limit himself like that, he does what many of us really want and just says whatever. Hes still respected cuz hes the strongest sorcerer while when i would say whatever i naturally would people would beat the shit out of me. (Catch me throwing hands with Barbara in the soup aisle because i let her know that her coat is hideous. After all, if people are allowed to openly and loudly tell me that the way i look is weird then i should be allowed to tell people that their fashion sense sucks. At least their choice is deliberate while i can do very little about my face)

Okay back on track. Gojou actually sucks at communicating. But he has enough self-esteem to not care. If they dont get him they dont get him and those who will, will. People would perceive him differently if he wouldnt suck. He sucks at communcating empathy He sucks at communicating his thoughts and intentions He sucks at communicating his emotions He only sucks at this in the eyes of many neurotypicals, mind you. My autistic bff and me understood him plenty. (Pls dont ask me what he Actually means cuz i just cannot put it into words. If i could i would have more friends cuz i wouldnt suck at communicating too) Somehow his use of metaphors stroke some people as odd which stroke me as odd cuz many people do that to help others or themselves understand complex issues better. But apparently when he does it its wrong? Maybe because you need to know the source of the metaphor? I dunno. Probably. I think if he opens his mouth to say something you only get roughly 50-60% of the actual message. The emotions, true intentions and everything else is left behind cuz shits hard to communicate, especially when your mind has a million thoughts at once and everything is happening so much. Its something you just learn to live with eventually. Some start overexplaining, some dont realise that the other party doesnt get the entire message and some dont care. I mostly overexplain, Gojou doesnt care. Its like youre getting only raw data and data isnt the most emotional stuff ever, right? (Unless youre a nerd like me and get Very Emotional over raw space data because SPACE IS BEAUTIFUL, MAN) I forgot what else i wanted to say because

Unlimited Void just reads like a sensory overload. Someone should trap me in there and I would probably say it feels like a regular Tuesday. The entire eye thing reads like either constant sensory overload or having shitty eyesight or both. (As someone who has both..... both) I have to block out sounds and Gojou has to block out sight, understandable. Sight is the sense we take in the most with so i can imagine that gets overloaded the fastest, especially when you see more than regular people do. (Sometimes it DOES feel like we see more than everyone else. Maybe we do? Who knows) Like yesterday i went absolutely ballistic in the supermarket cuz they changed their entire layout and colour scheme and its already a big and noisy and overwhelming store to begin with and the new layout made everything even worse. New things sucks. They make me anxious. Unless i want them. Years before i was only able to enter a store with music on and blocking out every other noise and dont even attempt to talk to me Im focussing on not loosing my shit over all the other senses being overloaded. Now i learned to suppress the shutdown until im back home so i can loose my shit there. Have you ever seen everything at once? Heard everything at once? If youre NT you maybe say yes but i would say nah you havent. If you would you would loose your shit, you wouldnt even know what to do anymore, you would probably either lie down on the floor screaming or shut down completely and not do anything, because just breathing is now taking all energy. There is nothing because there is everything. Yeah sounds like Unlimited Void to me, if you ask me.

I forgot every other reason i had because what is Taking Notes So You Can Remember Later, theres only one impulse after another cuz ADHD. (They too see and hear and notice everything at once) This is a jumbled mess, have fun

[wongiemei]

Roommate!Jeno

a/n: maybe i should just turn this blog into an nct dream one

okay

letsgetit!

first of all,

story time!

your uni is fucking expensive and it’s more expensive if you live in the grounds

so you being the wise human,

you went to get an apartment near the campus

it was great and all since roommate!jaemin was paying for his stuff

you were both living respectively until he had to leave

the dumbass didnt even bother to tell you

one morning you just woke up and found his note

‘hey bitch! figured you were too much of a rock to wake up but i moved out! the family wants me to go back home and tend the restaurant’

the whole day yesterday, you were working

bc,,, yknow

broke college life

and you just walked in half asleep towards your room and fell asleep

so you didnt really see or notice

but were you freaking out bc your roommate suddenly moved out?

ofc you were freaking out

not only was your roommate gone,

how were you going to find a new one?!

jaemin expected your phone call that afternoon and he endured through all your screaming

‘babe, i’m just going to be gone for a year-or two’

‘oR tWO?!’

‘hun, my dad’s injured and his back can only let him do so much. ma’s working too much and i dont have any siblings to help. i figured i could just hold off college until my parents are ready’

ugh, jaemin is such a family boy

‘but jaems! you couldnt have at least told me that yOu wERe mOvING OuT?! and! rent is due soon! i can’t pay for that myself!’

jaemin couldve easily told you to warn yoy

but he didn’t want to tell you bc he couldnt handle you sad and didnt want to upset you

however, now jaemin really understands how shitty that move was

‘tell you what. i’ll pay for this month and make a few phone calls and i’ll get you set up with a new roommate, deal?’

knowing how much of a social butterfly he was, you agreed

ofc you trusted jaemin but part of you feared that he might pair you up with a freak

but he’s not that mean, is he?

you can definitely see renjun doing that but not jaemin

so there you are,,

sitting on your couch alone

without jaemin, your apartment felt really empty

its been a few days since he moved and you were miserable

jaemin hasn’t even texted you about that potential roommate

just as you were about to call him,,

your doorbell rang

you froze and you looked at the time

it was nearing 11 at night and you don’t remember ordering delivery

see,,

if jaemin was here,

he would answer it for you since you would be too scared to do it

but you mustered up your courage and peeped through the peep hole

the man was dressed in all black with a black mask and a black cap with his hood over it with a black hoodie and black pants

ngl, you were terrified and trembling

he rang it again and you jumped

typing out a quick text to jaemin saying ‘hey bub, if i don’t text you in an hour, that means ive been kidnapped so call the police’

you grabbed a pan from the cupboard and gulped before you opened the door

thinking he would just walk forward and grab you, you closed your eyes and raised your pan over your head and swung

a shriek from in front of you made your eyes snap open and found the guy on the floor with a fetal position

you both just froze for like a phat minute

snapping back to reality, you held the pan in front of you

‘if youre going to kidnap me, i got a pan and im not afraid to hit you with it!’

you tried to sound intimidating but your voice was shaking so much

the guy stood up and he took off his hat and the mask to reveal a blonde haired kid

okay, so you were sHOokETh

damn! this boy is fine!

he gave you a shaky smile and held out his hand

‘hi! i’m lee jeno! you must be y/n? jaemin told me you had an opening for a roommate?’

now you noticed the two duffle bags at the side

the embaressment and the shame settled in slowly and you found yourself burning up

nodding, you motioned him to come in

jeno awkwardly walked in and was amazed at how big the layout was with the low rent

‘yea, its kinda hard to believe that we only pay that much. at first i thought there was a ghost in here and that’s why its so cheap’

you tried to make small conversation but laughed weirdly at jeno’s slightly terrified face

‘no! there really is not ghost here! ive lived here for a year and there hasnt been anything so please dont understand! please be my roommate!’

you begged and jeno thought you were weird

but jaemin was right, you were weirdly adorable in a way

so that’s how you and jeno became apartment buddies!

now onto the good stuff!

so, jeno is a vv clean guy

like he’s the type to just pick up a wrapper in the street and throw it in the garbage

so naturally, he likes to keep the apartment as tidy and neat as possible

but you being a mess you are,

you usually leave a lot of things everywhere

lets just say you have a short memory

‘oh? how did that get there?’

eventually, jeno gets sick of it and he confronts you with it

ofc you understand and you actually try to be better

since jeno is literally the most perfect roommate

maybe even better than jaemin

(but don’t tell him that)

jeno is the type to re-stock the pantry with snacks and the fridge with ice cream

since youre both college students, ramen is practically always available in the house 24/7

he also makes the coffee every morning since he works early and wakes up first

even though he doesn’t like the drink and prefers milk, he still notices how you survive off of coffee

babie likes to pick you up some iced americano while he gets a frappe

you on the other hand,,

you’re very surprised

when you got to bed after showing jeno around,

you messaged jaemin

ofc he was worried af and was blowing up your phone

‘WHAT?!’

‘bitch answer the damn phone!’

‘whatthe fuck is happening?!’

‘i need to know if you’re still alive!’

‘oh fuck i shouldnt have moved out’

smiling softly at how worried he was, you responded to him

‘you hoe, it hasnt been an hour yet so chillax. i’m alive, unfortunately, and i just met my new roommate. again, thanks for the heads-up. youre so bad at those. i literally thought he was a burgular or a kidnapper. but he seems chill and emo. just my type.’

but jeno is F A R from C H I L L

oh my goodness,,

hes a crackhead

theres this sound he makes when he’s confused and you couldnt figure out if its cute or weird or if he’s doing this on purpose or thats just how he is

you and him basically communicate with memes

sometimes, at the weird hours at night, he sends you a dumbass meme

you cant help but snort 

also, you promised to take jaemin out to dinner to repay him for the great roommate

‘hes literally one of the best people youll ever meet. it just so happen he needed a place to sleep. now you owe me’

hes a science major while you were a computer major

he basically brings home weird stuff to analyze and it just hella stinks

but hes considerate enough to actually put it outside

whenever he’s focused, he talks to himself or the thing he’s analyzing

‘okay mr. fishy. your scales are really big and its bigger than average’

its so cute

oof also!

jeno doesnt have a job yet he always makes rent on time with extra money to spare

he even sometimes buys you stuff saying, ‘they reminded me of you’

for your birthday, he bought you a pearl necklace that mustve costed thousands

at first, you thought he was a chaebol or smth

which you wouldve been vv jealous of bc youre a struggling college student who works at the coffee shop

but, you were answered when you caught him walking in half-dazed and half-asleep with cuts all over his face

it was like 2 in the morning and you were pulling an all-nighter for some project and wanted to get a glass of water

but here he is, hood up, lip busted, black eye, cheek cut

you shrieked and ushered him to sit on the dining chair

thinking he got mugged or something, you start drilling him questions

‘hun, if you were beat up, we need to call the police! this is illegal!’

but jeno chuckles and brushes the stray hairs out of your face as you tend to his lip

‘pls dont. if you do, ill be broke and i wont have money to pay rent then i cant be your roommate anymore’

cue confused y/n

‘wUT?’

‘if i dont make money, youll kick me out and youll have to find another roommate. i dont want you to go through that hassle again’

ofc you were flattered that even during this situation, hes still thinking about you

‘how is this making money?!’

‘i cant believe youre oblivious to so many things. i thought for sure youve caught on.’

more confusion

‘eXCUse mE, lEE JEno? since when have you started coming home with all these things in your face?’

you were worried that this wasnt the first time this happened

but if you think hard about it, thats why he always wears his mouth masks and he always has his blonde fringe down and sometimes wears sunglasses even though its cloudy outside

‘ohmygod lee jeno are you in a gang?!’

jeno was shocked that you came to that conclusion but laughed at how adorable you were rn

with your wide eyes and mouth open

‘nah, bro. i box. its the only way i can make easy money.’

‘but,,, why did you hide this from me? if you needed money i couldve helped you’

he looked at you skeptically

‘sis, you could barely afford that muffin the other day’

lee jeno now looked different from the jeno you met the first day

What you thought to be an innocent little squish was a fighter at night

‘yah, can-um-you need to take this off’

you mumbled while tugging on his sweatshirt

he nodded and slipped it off

he explained why he came late when he first moved

‘i had a late night match and yknow,, school and all, i barely had enough time to come'

as you dab the wound, you try to make small talk to distract yourself

 ‘so,, youve been boxing this whole time?’

you asked, trying not to get distracted to the way his tight shirt clung to him, showing his defined body

there were bruises up and down his arms and his knuckles were busted

‘yea. i have been since senior high. gotta make money, yknow?’

‘but jen, you can work in coffee shops or at local bookstores. its not worth seeing you busted up like this’

your lips trembled at the thought of him being beaten up too hard to the point he gets into a coma

jenos eyes widened at your wobbling lips and he softly cupped your face

‘hey, im okay and ill be fine. you dont have to worry about me. i usually win, anyways’

his confidence made you chuckle

‘i trust you, lee jeno. just make sure to make it home to me every night.’

‘i know you do and i will. always.”

ever since then,

youve become his little caretaker

youve informed jaemin of what hes been doing and he knew but didnt want you to judge him immediately

smh, jaemin really sucks at informing people

but jeno tries to help you keep up

he even sends you texts that hes fighting that night and your little ‘fighting!’ always makes him smile

his manager and friend, chenle, noticed that hes starting to smile more

chenle likes boxing and wants to be a part of it but doesnt want to be hurt

so,, what better to be the manager of his friend

‘yah, hyung. what’s got you giggly today?’

jeno pointed to the screen and giggled at the little good luck gif you sent

his eyes turned to crescents and chenle smirked

‘wah, you like her, don’t you?’

at the mention of ‘like’, his smile dropped and he shook his head

‘no. of course not. shes just a friend.’

chenle being chenle,,

he continues to prod

‘okay. so every night, you make it your priority to make sure you’re home by 2 in the morning for your friend’

smh, chenle youre so annoying

but hes so right

ever since you caught him,

hes been making sure he gets home at the same time 

he sends you a text that hes on his way and you set your ringtone at a very high volume so you wake up and take care of him

during fights, he makes it his sole mission to make out of this alive and a winner for you

but that never crossed his mind as his feelings for you

he just thought of it as making you not worry for him

but then, he starts to think about your stupid little habits

the way you make this face whenever you dont understand

or when you still leave little post-it notes everywhere with ideas you come up with

he noticed it all and he loves them

‘hOLy ShIT!’

that night was when he realized his feelings for you and he was so dedicated on finishing it that he quickly won and he dashed home with his money

bursting through the door, you looked at him with wide and startled eyes

‘what’s wrong?’

you came running but he scooped you up to a hug

ok you were confused but relieved that he was home and alright

jeno looked at your face and wanted to confess but chickened out at the sight of you

you were so good to him and honestly, he doesnt deserve you

(his thoughts, not mine)

‘i-i’

he stuttered and you motioned him to continue

‘i won!’

he shouted and you congratulated him, even though he literally won all the time

guiding him to the chair, you began to dab his cuts

(dab that bitch)

‘im starting to think that your opponents either really suck or youre like the god of boxing’

he didnt know how to take that but blushed red at the mention of him being a ‘god of boxing’

‘nah, im just good’

you eyed him and smiled

he continued to watch you heal him and inspected your face

heavy eyebags and sunken cheeks, it mustve been a long night

he felt a pang in his chest thinking that you push your stuff away just to help him

‘you dont have to keep doing this for me, yknow’

you halt and look at him seriously

‘i know i dont. but i cant sleep at night thinking youre in pain and alone when i can be there for you’

even though he just realized it, jeno was pretty sure he fell in love with you a long time ago

but if it was possible, he fell in love with you even more

‘thank you’

his soft voice filled the silence and you vowed that you will always be there for him whenever he needs help

a few days later, jeno hasnt been to a fight

sure you were worried at what was going on in his head but partly relieved that you dont have to see him so battered anymore

but this was so un-jeno

just as you were about to talk to him about it, he announces he got a job at the bookstore down the street

‘huh? i thought you didnt want to work’

you question while he looked sheepish

‘i realized that i was starting to become a burden since you take care of me every time. so i thought i should quit and get a regular job. besides, it doesnt hurt as much’

he laughed but you didnt react

‘lee jeno, you gave up boxing and the money,,, for me?’

he nervously looked up at you and you noticed the redness of his cheeks

‘i-well-if you put it that way’

‘listen to me, im flattered and i truly love that you dont want to get beaten up anymore. but i dont want you to quit something you like because of me'

‘but you always take care of me and push your priorities away to clean me up. i dont do anything in return and i dont think its fair!’

he argued and a soft smile crept up your face

‘yah, lee jeno'

your voice became a whisper

‘it doesnt matter to me if you dont do anything in return bc i dont see this as a favor. you are mine to take care of and i will do anything for you, you understand that?’

he looked at you in shock after hearing your response

he also turned red at the mention of him being yours

‘so-but-i dont think-'

he stutters but you place your hands on his arms making him stop

‘all i ask is you to come back home, to come back to me'

by now, yall were blushing

even though it might not sound like it,

but yall just indirectly confessed to each other

yall stared at the ground and jeno looks up, biting his lip

‘hey, y/n, can i make it up to you with some coffee?’

your head darted up and looked at him with wide eyes

‘like-like a date?’

it came out suddenly and you stepped back in surprise, cursing yourself

but jeno chuckled, eyes scrunching cutely

‘it'll be one of many'

lmao i didnt really like this but i made it at 2 in the morning and i kinda like boxer!jeno

[flower-of-the-desert]

Thoughts on 2gether ep12

I knew last episode was a false sense of security and now there’s

(I love this gif so much, it works for all kinds of things that cause pain)

but seriously though, I am here for the drama like I loved how soft and fluffy it was so far but now gimme a little bit of angst for the climax please and thank you; but dont forget that happy ending ok? OK?????

I said last week and I’ll say it again, I really do love that Tine and Wat’s problems are coming from their own character flaws and issues and like yes, there’s Pam but she’s not... really the core of it you know? Like obviously the real problems here are Tine’s insecurities and overhinking and Sarawat’s not being very forthcoming with things he thinks will embarrass him in front of Tine which is kind of fascinating to me cause we saw the same thing last ep when Wat didnt want to admit the clip was for Tine at first because he was embarrassed/shy and now with the song I’m guessing it’s the same thing and/or it’s not ready yet and Wat doesnt want to tell Tine until he’s got it perfected

but it’s the combination of those two flaws of their that’s driving the drama right now - Pam being just the catalyst - and it’s all going to backfire spectacularly on Wat next episode

.... and I am here for it, this is character drama I can get behind

speaking of Pam, I wonder if that’s not another misunderstanding there when she said I love you? as in I love you romantically or I love you as a dear friend? And she also says she wants to go back to how things were before but before she wasnt dating Wat, they were just closer as friends than they are now

I hope that’s what they’re going for like she misses having Wat as a friend and wants to get their friendship back and not that she’s in love with him

I think it would work better thematically with Tine being insecure and seeing things through that lense rather than what they are in reality

but omg, my man Mil really pull through! I’m so happy he’s finally moving on from his feelings for Tine and by giving back the bracelet he’s basically telling Wat to not waste the chance he has to be with Tine now by not being careful

I read a comment after last episode that I really really liked saying that Mil doesnt really seem interested in Tine anymore but what he was doing in ep11 was mostly just to get on Wat’s nerves and trying to be friends with Tine at the very least (trying to explain himself about the attack because he didnt want Tine to be scared of him/to think he was that kind of a person) and I think this scene absolutely proves that and I love it

also the fact that he remembered that today was Phukong’s exam and sent him an encouraging message 💖💖💖

I love how Tine and Wat are walking with their hands around each other

and now we’re taking a shower together O_o

I’m not complaining

you know, I’m not getting any deeper into the kissing/sex debate because like I said last week, yes I agree that it makes sense for them to be touching more as in the show has set it up that they want to do it but this episode absolutely semented for me that the implications are there that they do do it off screen but we’re not gonna see that and usually I would be upset about it because 1) I am horny bird with a dirty dirty brain, 2) I loooooooove touchy-feely couples in general and 3) it makes sense for your couple to be physically intimate from a pure writing POV unless you’ve set up some reason for them not to be which is clearly not the case here

but... I dont know, with these two it just doesnt bother me as much as it normally would; I dont know why, maybe it’s that I adore how well developed their emotional intimacy is (and like you cant find THAT in most couples in TV either so that’s already a big plus) and that they’re clearly comfortable touching/being near each other/getting in each other’s space like a couple WOULD do, it’s the heavier stuff that is left off screen and that’s a writing choice they apparently decided to go with and well, it is what it is

the only complaint I have is that they really should have had a few more kisses, like not on FTTT’s level of making out like your life depends on it but at least little pecks here and there, I think that would have been perfect

ANYWAY, so those are my finale thoughts on that matter, MOVING ON phew

Tine’s so gone he’s smiling at a picture of Wat while being in the same room as him which is frankly #mood

Tine’s just like I do not vibe with this so I’m removing myself from the situation the moment Pam opened her mouth and he just TURNED THE FUCK AROUND AND WALKED AWAY

I thought Sarawat was the one to look out for when it comes to jealousy but Mr I’m gonna punish you all night long here is actually the real deal

Type and Man are EXACTLY that cat/dog meme and I’m living for it, this entire scene is just so funny and Type’s little “open it” at the end is just 🤣

I like how they’re building up Tine’s insecurities over Pam little by little by having Tine find similarities between them and then with the talk about first loves and letting us see how he comes to the conclusions he does so it makes sense how it all happens

holy shit I did not expect Man/Type to break my heart too but HERE WE ARE

that dinner scene was so hard to get through especially because what Man is going through realising he’s got nothing much to offer Type at the moment, financially speaking and that he’s still a first year and he’s got  a lot of things left to do for his own future and life and just... that hits hard

unpopular opinion but I actually like that Type left with the asshole boss because 1) that’s gonna make him realise that he does miss Man when he stops coming to him next ep and 2) like from Type’s POV it makes sense? he barely knows this kid that’s been chasing him non-spot and annoying him and yeah, sure he’s helpful and seems genuine in his feelings and Type clearly is starting to melt a little but but he also wants to not lose his job and offend his boss (he might be a total jackass but he’s still Type’s boss) so he’s got no choice but to prevent the situation from escalating

also I like to think that maybe part of why he decided to leave  was cause he was trying to protect Man by not letting him get in a fight with the guy

also did I say how much I am here for the drama next week when Man really does stop looking for him and Type realises oh shit I did NOT want that and yells at Man for disappearing on him after making him feel these things

which is basically like how Tine decided to go about confessing his feelings  not like a normal Braincell-filled person but accusing Wat of not taking responsibility for making Tine fantasize about kissing him and OMG these two really are brothers, arent they?

I really was hoping Wat would say Tine was his first love but THEN he proceeded to snatch my wig with saying that what he felt for Pam was nothing like what he felt for Tine that day at the concert and being so ridiculously OFFENDED when Tine said he and Pam were alike he was like wHAt?? you are like her??? PLEASE YOU ARE THE WEIRDEST PERSON I’VE EVER MET AND I LOVE YOU PLS NEVER LEAVE ME

AND THEN TINE BREAKS DOWN COMPLETELY AT THE END THINKING HE’S LOST WAT LIKE FULL ON SOBBING AND HITTING THE WALL AND SHAKING HIS HEAD IN DENIAL AND I AM NOT OK

WHO LET ME WATCH THAT

I NEED A HUG

TINE NEEDS A HUG

anyway, I am fine

next episode looks like it’s gonna be choked full of some of my favourite tropes and honestly I canNOT wait

but dont forget that happy ending though OK??????

[strongsassysexysloane]

Take me for a Ride, Jack... 5

I don’t really care how bad this may be, im having too much fun writing it. 

. . . . 

It's mid morning when you regret not getting a coffee to go at the Diner but it seems Jack may be able to read your mind as she brings you a cup of coffee. Hopefully she hasn't been able to read any of your other thoughts.

"I was just thinking I needed one of these. Thank you." You smile at her sweetly, thankfully her body blocks the team from seeing your stupid grin.

Jack smile brightens. "You're welcome."

"Hey, what about us?" Nick whines from behind Jack causing her to turn and step aside so you can see everyone. Ellie has a big grin directed at you. McGee looked between you and Jack then went back to his work. Nick however is looking at Jack like a sad puppy who wants attention.

"Don't know your coffee order Nick." She gives him a one shoulder shrug sipping her coffee.

"It's called a phone, Jack."

"Oh yeah, forgot we all have one of those. I can't remember, when was the last time you got me a coffee?" You smirk at the sarcasm dripping from her tone. Both Ellie and McGee scoff as Jack has clearly got the upper hand over Nick.

"Last..." He scratches the back of his neck.

"Never." Jack raises her eyebrow and Nick slumps in his chair in defeat.

"Fine, when did Y/N last buy you a coffee then?" He turns his gaze to you and you sip your coffee innocently looking at your computer trying to not pay attention to them.

"She'd tried to this morning." And with that drop of too much information she exits stage left and you are left with curious eyes all on you again.

"Great." You mumble into your cup, suddenly the nice gesture of coffee isn't worth the questions that are about to start.

Thankfully Gibbs re-enters the bullpen and the questions on everyone's tongue disappear and they dive back into work.

It is around lunch time when McGee finds a lead, Petty Officer had a few recent callers from a different burner phone each month. Turns out his older brother owed some bad people some money and when he couldn't pay up he went to his family for money, parents cut him off a few months ago so he slunk to his good little brother for help. Petty Officer didn't have much but he gave his brother what he could but that stopped as well a month ago. Brother confessed to his debt, threats from the cartel boss about hurting his family and he guessed they went through with it after he couldn't find the cash.

The team stakeout the cartel hangouts over the next few days, finally when Friday rolls around you get audio of one of the higher members talking about whacking a petty officer and going after his mum next if the punk brother doesn't pay up. The team arrest him and the case is thankfully closed right in time for the weekend.

"Netflix and chill please and thank you." You sigh, collecting your things and turning off your desk lamp as everyone else packs up as well.

"Jack coming over?" Nick smirks.

"Wow, no." You laugh nervously, you hadn't even thought about asking her, should you? You'd talked a few times but it was mainly case related and you'd brought her coffee yesterday as pay back for her's the other day. "Sister is ordering pizza as we speak and I am picking up icecream on the way home. Much never sister bonding time." You all say your goodbyes and all head home.

The night relaxing, exactly what you needed after a stakeout and dealing with cartel men. Jamie has the pizza ready for when you get home and you shove the icecream in the freezer for later then get changed into comfy clothes. You watch one of your favourite movies and now you're half way through Jamie's favourite when you feel your phone vibrate.

'Sorry I missed you tonight, wanted to ask if you wanted to join me on a ride this weekend?' Sent by Jack. You grin from ear to ear.

"That message from Jack?" Jamie slips down into the couch beside you and bumps your elbow.

You shove her off, trying to hide your smile. "Maybe." Your fingers ghost over your mobile, trying to figure out how to reply.

"Love how your hesitate every time she texts you." Jamie laughs, sipping on her glass of wine and you just poke your tongue at her. "Child."

You don't reply to your sister. Instead turning your attention back to your phone. You take a bite of your pizza before replying.

'I would love to. When and Where?'

You place your phone beside you on the arm of the couch and pick up your wine glass, side eyeing your phone every few seconds waiting for the reply. It takes a few minutes and you get up to refill your glass of wine and finish your slice when your phone dings from the couch. You run to it as Jamie goes to take it. "Don't you dare!" You snatch it right before she can reach it.

"Just teasing. Someones fiesty."

You walk back into the kitchen with your phone and jump up onto the kitchen counter, your back facing the lounge room.

'How about Sunday? Any places you want to visit? I don't mind where we go.' You smile at her open to suggestion reply, clearly she was more interested in the company than the ride.

'Sunday works for me. Gives me Saturday to do all the fun chores that my sister always forgets to do. Did I mention I want to move out? You pick the destination as you're the one driving.' You slip off the counter, sipping your wine, you walk back to the couch.

"What you two talking about? I need some juicy love life gossip." Jamie giggled, looking from you to the tv.

Shrugging slightly. "We are making plans to go for a ride on Sunday." You look over at your sister who is waggling her eyebrows at you. "Shut up."

"Never. When will I get to meet her?"

"Hopefully not soon." You tease and Jamie just laughs.

"I'll be around on Sunday." She suggests and you just drop your head back onto the couch, just a tad dramatically.

"No. I'll be out the door before you know she's here." Leaning forward to sip your wine before placing it back down on the coffee table.

Jamie smiles at you less teasingly now. Her tone softer. "You really do like her."

"Jams, I've never felt like this before. I just don't want anything to mess this up before it's even started." You sigh and turn your face back to the movie.

Your phone vibrates again. 'But if you move out, you'll still do the chores so what's the difference? Let me have a think, do you enjoy going to markets?'

You snort at yourself thinking of a reply.

"What?" Jamie pokes your shoulder.

"Nothing."

'The difference is, there'd be no one poking me every few minutes wanting to know what we're texting about. I enjoy a good market.'

"You're making fun of me in your texting, aren't you?" You fake a shock expression at Jamie and laugh. "I knew it."

"Only a little. Just how you don't like doing chores."

"Hey you hate them as much as me!" She flicks your shoulder. "There's your girlfriend again." She smirks, hearing the vibrations of your phone.

'Your poker face needs work then, sweetheart.' You almost spurt out your wine reading the last word. You hear Jamie laugh and show her the text.

"Nawwww." She coo's at Jack's text. "She likes you." You feel the phone vibrate in your hand and snap back to see Jack sent another text.

'I hope you didn't spit your wine out over that.' You drop your head back onto the couch. She knows you too well already.

'You've either got cameras in my apartment or I'm just too predictable.' You send, her reply doesnt come for a few minutes, the wait makes you squirm. The movie lost in the background.

'Only in the bedroom and livinig room, kidding! I may have had a few scotchs before sending this.'

You laugh. 'I like tipsy Jack.' Really you just like everything, Jack.

'I'm glad. What are you and Jamie up to?' You love that she continues the conversation on past the initial weekend planning, although you realise you actually hadn't made a time.

'Netflix, wine, pizza and soon to be icecream. What are you up to?'

The movie you've been ignoring comes to an end and Jamie picks another one as you didn't reply to her offer. To which you now regret.

'Slightly jealous. I'm reading and drinking the Scotch I mentioned.'

Now you have a picture of Jack with her reading glasses sitting on the tip of her nose, licking the tip of her tongue and turning the page in her book and the visual makes you close your eyes and hold in a very quiet moan.

'I'll invite you over next time. Although your night sounds just as inviting'

It takes a while for Jack to send a reply through and you get fidgety thinking you may have over stepped the welcome mat but she started the flirt texting. You're onto your fourth very full glass of wine and half way through your ice cream when you hear your phone vibrate again.

'Sorry, fell asleep. I'd like that. I'll bring the Scotch and pizza.' You don't have the heart to tell her you arent a big Scotch drinker but she could twist your arm into starting.

'Done deal. I won't keep you up, good night J.' You spent way too long trying to figure out the right way to finish the text and you think making a nickname for Jack is good enough.

'Good night, sweetheart, I'm sure I'll dream about you and that's not just the drunk me talking.' This time you did slightly spit out your wine.

"I'm glad she makes you happy but please don't waste my wine." Jamie shakes her head.

'I can't wait for sober J to read this conversation. G'Night, Sweety.' You regret send Sweety but can't think of a better one because you really want to type babe but feel it's way too soon.

There's no reply from Jack and you spend the next hour finishing the awful movie Jamie picked out and eating icecream. It's past midnight when you hit the rack, falling asleep or passing out when your head hits the pillow and you don't wake to your phone vibrating a few times early in the morning. You wake up when there's a crash of glasses in the kitchen at around 0800.

"What?!" You groan and walk down the hall, checking on Jamie.

"Sorry, wanted a glass from the dish rack but all of them wanted to come with it. Don't give me that look, my head hurts as much as yours does." She whines, filling up a glass with water and chucking two aspirin in her mouth followed by the water.

"Hand me one will ya." She does as you instructed and you groan sitting down at the counter. "We should know better." You rest your head on the counter and moan.

"It's always fun at the time. You heard from Jack  this morning?" At the sound of her name, you jump up too fast and hold your head in response to the banging going on because of your quick movement but you head back to your bedroom to find your phone.

'Oh. My. God.' Reads the first text, you are already laughing.

'I really should learn to put a harder pin on my phone for when drunk me thinks its good to over step boundaries.'

'Hope we are still on for Sunday?:)' They were all sent within a minute of each other around 0600.

You flop down on your stomach onto your bed and think of a reply. 'You were quite entertaining last night. No boundaries were over stepped, just pushed further along. What time you picking me up tomorrow? You aren't getting out of it that easily, J. :)'

It takes a minute but she replies. 'I've only been in embarrassment waiting for your reply for the past two hours. I see you've made my name even shorter, I like it. How does 0800 sound?'

'Well I didn't pass out as early as someone did. I needed my beauty sleep but it didn't help this killer head ache, you're lucky I didn't wake up to your texts, I'm no morning girl, J. 0800 is great.'

'Someones feisty in the mornings. Sweetheart, you don't need beauty sleep, come on. 0800 it is.' You can see her eye roll and laugh.

You don't reply, letting her wait a little, you wake yourself up with a nice hot shower and get changed into track pants and a sloppy joe before replying to Jack. 'Alright, feisty me has gone. What are you up to today?' You wonder back into the kitchen to find Jamie has left, conveniently in time for when you decide to do chores. First you need a coffee though.

. . . . 

And there it is. Apologies for any mistakes. I enjoy the writing not so much the editing. However this will be the last chapter for a while as I’m going to the US tomorrow for a quick holiday :D NCIS Paleyfest here I come

[philip-seville-archive]

BDRP 2021 Resolutions

Write your RPer Resolutions for 2018! (What are some goals for yourself as a writer? Improve descriptions? Plot with more members? Etc.)

A silly goal but I would like another female character lol

More one-shots! I always have these ideas for them but because I let them grow too large in my brain or I feel like I need to turn them into a proper ‘short story’ I intimidate myself out of doing them and then let the opportunity to slide. So this year I hope to fix that and once again be more chillax with myself. (Though here is a shoutout to me bc I published some one-shots last year I was happy about, like Nemo’s “Breath,” Berlioz’s parentage reveal, and my John Darling stuff!) 

Do One Task Every Month. Another small but very doable goal 

Learn how to say no: ahaha this seems a weird thing to put here but its actually about events and i feel this is a safe space to admit that i love love events but they like, truly take a toll on my arthritic hands which means i really can only do two characters probably. But i feel bad only rping with just two ppl etc esp if other people hit me up, or if there are other people i WANT to rp with, so i end up not doing it at all because i get overwhelmed and feel like no one will believe me about my shitty hands (which is of course silly but man chronic illness anxiety am i right). Sooooo i need to find a better way to enjoy events and manage my own health! 

Finish some of the fairy lore stuff i got in the works lol 

Write at least one resolution, or “goal,” that you have as an RPer for your character(s)

These vaguely feel like spoilers but oh well i love spoilers 

Berlioz: Find His Daddy. Also groove room stuff. 

Hades: Pokevolve his emotional intelligence! Also would like to do more Board things with him actually, esp bc he will have to run for office so: focus on his political aspirations

Merida: Integrate into society! She is doing it more but I really hope her friendships with the knights will let her fully embrace herself again. ALSO ALSO alpha Merida! 

Charlie: Greater control over his magic and more confidence in himself. We gettin there bb

Ashleigh: Entangle her further with the knights/Henry and eventually reveal she’s a mara bc i would like that for Henry it will be horrifying for him

Nemo: embrace dance as a career option and therefore overcome the systematic factors that have convinced u that u cant! YOU CAN 

Jun: Date. (Horrifying for him. Not his goal.) Also just more hijinks, I love love hijinks, would love business-related hijinks. 

Olaf: Get more involved on campus!! More uni plots for him would be great esp when it comes to figuring out if he’ll stay on campus after this year (and also like how this affects his friendship with Sindri) 

Atta: QUEEN STUFF. This is first on my list so we’re gonna make you happen. Blow up Atta’s life, really make her deal with that imposter syndrome. Love it. 

Pip: Put the mortifying fear of being known into Pip. aka open up about his mum a bit with like, someone. Or just admit that the people he says are his enemies are actually his friends.

Write at least one resolution IN CHARACTER for your characters. What do THEY want to accomplish or change in the New Year?

Note that I love seeing which characters echo my goals and which ones don’t at all. It’s just fun and neat. Probably says something about each one’s emotional self-awareness. (Mostly pointing out how Hades is extremely self-aware i love that for him) 

TW: weight 

Berlioz: Literally nothing. Sorry he just thinks resolutions are stupid and life is pointless (he is in a state). 

Hades: Prepare for his election next year, raise his children well, help Belle in her recovery 

Merida: Assist King Arthur. Become a good alpha to Alice specifically (not u lou i mean like she is but she’s like that bitch doesnt need me) 

Charlie: Reup his certs! Figure out a specialty! 

Ashleigh: Revenge against Romeo, revenge against John Darling + company for destroying her tree 

Nemo: Get an apprenticeship this year. Work on Hangul. Lose seven stone. Work on wing sprints. Be better son. Be more responsible and help Appa. Get job again? ...Quit dance? 

Jun: something nerdy about increasing the overall revenue or something of the market i dont know im not a business person. Also something nerdy about Animal Crossing, maybe he wants to add a new room to his house. Jun’s goals have nothing to do with himself personally. 

Olaf: Get involved in uni! Learn more about his talent and practice it intentionally, including how to control it better so he is not overwhelmed in situations like the nightmare fog. 

Atta: Help Dot with her apprenticeship!! Learn more stuff about clumsy culture. Pass her petition about water fountains. 

Pip: Grow SSIC followers by 100+; grow Spill engagement by 20%; arrange guest speakers for SSIC and maybe help SSIC write a petition together?; get a solo for the spring concert; get a lead role in the summer musical; read 50 books in a year; drink less coffee (he will fail this last one) 

List one or more characters you have never interacted with that you would like to do so

Ferb. Technically I did interact with him but it was just ONE gif chat when he first got here and I would like to do more!! I think he’s great, i love all of Sid’s characters! 

Bianca: HOW HAVE I NOT RPED WITH BIANCA! I don’t know but I want to. Maybe Merida and Bianca would be interesting bc of RAS things! (Also I have interacted with Kristoff but I want to do stuff with Kristoff and trolls please message me bee if u want to do troll things...i love. them.) 

Rita: In a similar vein, I think Rita/Ber or Rita/Pip might be interesting. Pip totally looks up to Rita and sees her as a role model so i dunno that could be cool. 

Rose: Whitman: Kit, we need to have Rose and Merida interact. Fighty ladies. I am sure with the knights this can happen! 

Pacifica: Hello Lins, Pacifica and Ashleigh should be Best Friends Of Course. I could also maybe see Pacifica and Jun if Pacifica wants to do some kind of business philanthropy for her image etc. Or Olaf and Pacifica! Sounds like a wild time, that. 

Tod: Olaf/Tod would probably be very fun, I love Pixie friendships! Also maybe Ber bc i think Ber knows Tod from way back when maybe? 

Edward: Z PLEASE. PLEASE. Pip and Edward bc they are from the same movie and no other reason!! But I will also throw literally anyone at him. 

Plotting Exercise! Pick one of the resolutions/goals in #2 and plan a rough guideline to how you could accomplish it. Here’s an example.

ATTA’S ROYAL TALENT AWAKENS 

Attendy: Atta goes ice skating with Wendy and has to stop bc of a headache and faints on the ice!!! 

@: Directly after attendy, Dot panics about Atta’s health and wants her to come clean. They fight! 

Full Moon Event: Atta faints again in front of everyone. MARLIN helps heal her and Dot/Sled confesses to Queen Clarion what’s going on. 

Clarion/Atta: Oh Honey You Got A Big Storm Coming

[scourge-sympathiser]

i need more info about the firelight au more than i need AIR.

LMAO.. herez a breath

firepaw is actually able to convince bluestar to mistrust tigerclaw before he full on tried to kill her- partially bcuz of the authority being a Medicine Cat Apprentice gave him- and bcuz he talked to oakheart!

since he goez 2 the moonstone every half moon he decidez 2 ask starclan to speak with oakheart himself- bluestar doesnt fully believe the changed story at first for simialr reasonz 2 canon howevr whn firepaw relayz a confusing message the dead riverclan warrior had asked him to pass on- tht mosskit is doing very well, she believed him immediately

still not solid on exactly where im going with tigerclaw.. but i do kno bluestar is much more receptive to firepawz warningz in this!

also ive mentioned it on here before but another big change in this au is cinderpelt! she is still hit by the car & left with a twisted leg... but firepaw remembed how fast his old friend smudge could get around on three legz....... and well... it seemed like cinderpawz waz slowing her down by draging on the ground.... maybe if he...... Well....

still in split with how the silverstream situation goez- idk if i want to make it so tht her & greystripe nevr hav the fateful meet cute [exploring a different border as his friend firepaw isnt there mentoring with him on this au] OR go the intense Angst route wherein greystripe misdirectz his grief & beginz 2 blame firepaw 4 wht happened with silverstream- he nevr approved so of course he would just let her die.... SO YEAH VERY DIFFERENT ROUTEZ,,,

firelight is a great deal closer to yellowfang- shez already like a mother figure 2 him but actually becoming her apprentice meanz thy grow closer- his mentor mom... cinderpaw recoverz well n is able 2 become a full warrior [cinderbounce? still considering namez] but she still hangz around the med catz quite a lot- shez super greatful 2 firelight & considerz him the reason she could evn be a warrior.. well tht && her recovery took. A Very Long Time so she waz hangin with thm 4 moonz before returning to her training

im not sure if firepaw still goez on the journey to retrieve windclan- afterall! he renounced becoming a warrior to be a medicine cat apprentice AT his namming ceremony tht would hav been directly followed by the mission...... him & tallstarz relationship is rly important 2 me so i kinda wanna shrug it off as oh well bluestar already had this plan so... but idk seemz like a cop out, so, still thinkin on where tht goez :P

RIP to squirrelflight & leafpool bcuz i love thm very dearly but thy do not exist in this AU- perhapz in another form if i give sandstorm a new mate but. who knoz

ive just been sorta rambling so im gonna stop here but skdjd hope u enjoyed this directionless info spewing- if u wanna kno more about specfic aspectz Winky Face

[geminimoonbeamx]

Oh, Baby: Chapter One

A/N: Okay so I’ve literally had this in my drafts for the last...six months or so? And I figured I’d tweak it and edit and post it since I’ve been so AWOL on this site lately, and so that I can give you guys some new content from me.

Word Count: 3k+

Warnings: Heavy cursing. This chapter is pretty PG, talks of mental illness, unexpected pregnancy and contemplating abortion- but she doesnt go through with it. Smut to come. AND LOTS OF FLUFF TOO, I promise lol

Summary: After a drunken night, Y/N finds herself having to face the biggest decision of her life; is she ready for motherhood? And a better question, is Bucky Barnes, her long time friend and womanizer extraordinaire, ready for fatherhood? They’ll just have to go along for the ride and find out together. A Bucky Barnes x Plus Size Reader Story 

Chapter 1/6: The Baby Woe’s and Oh No’s

You knew it.

You’d known something was off, different, changed.

You sit on your toilet, your world spinning as you attempt to wrap your mind around what was going on. Everything seems sludge like, too slow and too fast and not real.

You’re definitely going into shock, you point out to yourself. The catatonic kind. You’ve been staring at the bright, sunny lemon print of the shower curtain, your eyes focused but not seeing. Your elbows rest on your knees and your hands cover the entirety of your lower face.

At least you’re not crying anymore. 

Nope, your body had moved past that-Maybe, it felt like the tears could start rolling again at anytime.

Oh god, what are you going to do?

Why, why, why?

Why you? You’d been a good person- well a decent person at least… You recycled and tipped more than twenty percent. Didnt vote for Trump and ate your vegetables.

And your life was just seeming to even out. You’d somehow landed your dream job a couple months back- every Wednesday night your voice could be heard on WNEX. You we’re making enough money to finally be comfortable- doing what you loved. Gaining a wide audience and wiggling your way into the industry. Your mind was so career oriented, so focused on your end goal that you’d never even considered something like this.

Throwing a big fat wrench in the gears.

One night, it had only been one stupid, drunken night. Hadn't you racked up enough karma coins to cover your ass for one fucking night?

Are you there god? It’s me, Y/N, and I really fucked up this time.

Wanda comes back into the tiled room a few minutes, her dark features soft and a colorful mug in her hand.

“Are you okay?” She gauges, gently, as she reaches out to you.

You snort and shrug, but accept the steaming cup from her anyway. You look down at the swirling, murky drink.

Wishing for just one moment that you could drown yourself in it.

“Look, babe, I know you’re dealing with some major shock right now- but maybe you should go lay down. We’ll figure it out later-” Wanda’s voice is even and you appreciate her being so calm and sure during all of this but you just can't process the situation enough to accept it.

You can't go lay down.

“Why not?” Wanda questions and you didn't realize you’d said that out loud, you hadn't even felt your mouth form the words.

Your head really is swimming. Disconnected from your body a little bit. You force yourself to take a drink of the tea as she gives you a more pointed look.

“Because I have to- I don't know. I have to figure all this out” You protest. You can't hear your voice, how spiked with anxiousness it is.

“There’s not much to figure out” Wanda supplies, unhelpfully as she leans against the counter, arms folded over her chest and you give her a look that’s half between a glare and a gape.

“Um, what the fuck do you mean? There’s so much to figure out, I don't even know where to start” You give a short, sharp, slightly hysterical laugh gripping the mug hard enough to hurt with one hand while cupping your forehead with the other.

“Okay, first things first. And this is the big one: do you want this?”

Well, that whole ‘I'm done crying’ thought you’d had before was a lie. You feel the tears well up once more and overflow, spill down your already swollen cheeks. Your face is hot. Your tummy is full of rocks.

You’d always hated crying. It never made you feel released or freed or lighter like it did for other people. It made you feel icky and stupid. And afterwards it always felt like you’d gotten punched in the nose.

Yes, you did have a therapist to work out those issues with, thanks.

Your mind doesn't know what to do with that question.

You look at Wanda, searching her face as though she might have the answers but she just shook her head and reached out her hand to rub your shoulder. That’s all she could offer. Her support in whatever path you we’re about to embark on.

And then you look down, at the countertop. That was usually littered with stray tubes of mascara or straightening irons. Bobby pins and half lit candles. All the things that resided in the bathrooms of girls in their mid twenties.

In place of those was now four pregnancy tests. All of which read positive.

The first two had been those double lined ones. Two bold lines- both times. Then you’d ran down to the bodega at the end of the block and gotten two more. And those we’re more straight to the point. They literally read the word pregnant- in a font that you don't think you’d ever forget.

Did you want this? Did you want a baby?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“I dont know- I’m not ready. The timing is all wrong” You croak.

“Okay” Wanda coo’s “well there's alternatives then-” you squeeze your eyes closed at that thought “Either way we should make a doctors appointment to make sure you’re actually pregnant. I’ve read so many stories about how unreliable these things are”

She holds up one of the tests and rambles on about all of the online articles she’d come across. How some woman had taken a dozen of ‘em, gotten all positive results and then went in and had an empty uterus.

“For one, ew. I peed on that” You nod your head at the test in her hand and she rolls her eyes.

“Other side of it- and I held your hair when you got food poisoning from that shrimp shack. I’ve come into contact with worse body fluids of yours”

“For two- I’m pregnant. I know it. I’ve known it for weeks. I knew something was wrong and I just tried to...think it away, you know? Out of sight, out of mind? I sound insane” saying the words out loud makes you realize how...ludicrous those thoughts had been. But still. It was the truth.

She just nods though “You don't”

There’s a moment of silence. Stretching, as you stew in your reality.

“I’d be doing it alone” you whisper into the mug as you sip on it “I really dont think he’d want a baby”

“You would never be alone, you know that. You have so many people in your life that would support you with this” Wanda protests, sad that you’d even say that.

“You know what I mean” You push on. Because having a good group of friends and family wouldn't change the fact that you were possibly looking at the possibility of being a single mother.

If you decided to keep it, that is.

“Yeah I do- and I don't know if I agree with that. Bucky's a lot of things, an arrogant asshole at that top of that list, but he’s a good guy and I think he’d want to be involved. He doesn't give off deadbeat dad vibes”

All of that was true. Bucky is a good guy, at the core of him.

He was kind and decent and the two of you had been friends for years upon years. He was charming, magnetic and women loved him- you’d found it amusing, before you we’re the one in his bed after a drunken night a month ago.

He’d left your messages mostly on seen since then. You’d only sent a few, but still that had stung. Him icing you out the moment he’d gotten into your pants pissed you off, not only because it was rude but because it was expected.

You knew how Bucky was with women, it had been such an idiot move to sleep with him.

It made it all the more complicated that you ran in the same social circles- had all the same friends. Sam’s small promotion dinner a couple weeks ago had been extremely awkward for you, to say the least.

He’d earned himself the cold shoulder from you and no matter how many times he’d try to broach a conversation with you, crack a joke in your direction, or single you out in a group conversation you pretended he didn't exist.

“Damn, re-jec-ted” It had been so obvious that Clint had of course pointed it out, which was uncomfortable but expected because Clint had no filter like that.

Bucky had stopped trying after that- and started flirting back with the waitress that had been throwing herself at him throughout the night. You cut out early, claiming tiredness. And upset stomach. Whatever to get you out of there.

To say it was a shitty night was a bit of an understatement and you hadn't spoken one word to him since.

“I haven't talked to him since that night- and now I’m what, supposed to call him up and tell him I’m carrying his child because he doesn't properly know how to operate a condom?

“I don't know, yeah? It doesn't mean you two need to get married, but if you choose to keep this baby, that’s going to be a conversation you’re going to have to have” Wanda is so annoying sometimes. She was such a sharp thinking human- always grounded and level headed. She claimed it was from always having to be the “good twin” growing up.

Of course she was rationalizing this whole thing while you we’re floundering about it like a fish.

“I think I should make a doctors appointment” You just mutter. You’d rather focus your attention there. It was easier, cleaner for you. A goal you could actually accomplish.

And so that’s what you did.

//////

They were able to get you in at the end of the week, which in overpopulated New York City was a godsend. And still, it felt like far too long. Like the reality of it couldn't sink in until you talked to a medical professional so you we’re left in some kind of fucked up long until then.

You tried to keep your anxious mind busy, throwing yourself into work. Talking to people over the static airways of the radio about their lives; about the world and all of its workings was so much easier than talking to anyone about what was going on with you.

The only person who knew was Wanda and you’d canceled all of your other plans during the week, not able to face anyone. Not yet.

Lots of sleepless nights, staring at the ceiling. Thinking until your brain physically hurt.

And then you’d turned to you journal- maybe if you wrote everything down it would make sense. If you could see it all, inked out, you could make a decision.

Did you want this child?

Wanda had suggested making a pro’s and con’s list and while it sounded crazy and unhelpful, and you rolled your eyes at it ‘As though that will help’, you ended up doing it anyways.

You start with Cons, naturally. Always had been too damn negative.

Cons:

-I have no fucking idea how to be a mom

-Bucky???

-My job. My career. Who’s going to watch the baby while I work?

-How in the fuck am I going to financially support a baby.

-No room in the apartment/My room is fucking tiny and where will we put a baby

(Wanda said we can turn half of the living room into a playroom/makeshift nursery. How fucked up though? Not even a real nursery)

-No car? A baby on the subway? No thank you.

-Weird to explain to people even if Bucky wants to co-parent. All our friends??

-PAIN

-Pregnancy looks so painful. Birth looks scary. My poor vagine.

-Life is basically over

-The baby will not have a grandmother from your side...

You could keep going on, but you decide to stop there. You could go on, make the list pages and pages long but you decide against it.

Pros:

-I’ve always wanted to be a mom. Always dreamed of babies and motherhood, baby fever crashes over me in waves.

-Me and Bucky’s baby is going to be cute AF(and that just pure facts)

-I have a great support system- amazing friends and family who I know will help

-Bucky could want to be involved. He probably will...maybe?

-He has a big family, i think. The baby would have lots of family

-I don't want to have an abortion. All about pro-choice, but I just...don't know if I can.

That had made you bite the end of your pen.

Adoption?

Could you give a child that you went through nine months of pregnancy up for adoption? Knowing yourself- probably not. You cant even get rid of the moth hole ridden clothes at the back of your closet. Not comparing a baby to a jean jacket- fuck, see how unequipped you were for this?

-I’d be a good mom(I think)

-I could swing it financially. Maybe get a second job

-At least I have a good insurance plan now

-My life might have more of a purpose?

You hide the lists away in one of your many journals. Stick it in the wicker basket under your night stand- and revisit it too many times in those days between.

You make a lot of other lists in that time, too. 

//////

One of them sits tucked in your purse as you make your way to the eighth floor- Arms folded across your chest and the inside of your bottom lip speared between your teeth as the elevator takes you up.

Wanda stands beside you, of course. Sipping on her iced americano. You’d tried to tell her that she didn't need to come, that you were perfectly okay with going on your own. You’d gotten about two words out before she shut you down-

“I already took the afternoon off, don't be ridiculous”

You both know you wouldn't admit it, stubborn as you we’re, but you’d let out a big sigh of relief. You really didn't want to do this alone.

The waiting room is standard for this building, looks similar to the one that you sit in when you see your GP- save for a sign hanging about the door that labels it the OB-GYN.

Fake plants and those standard waiting room chairs that had that weird diagonal print on them TV’s that we’re playing the local news and tables stacked with months dated magazines. There was no windows though and it made the back of your neck feel hot.

The receptionists is nice. Middle aged with mild with droning, mellow voice. She checks you in fast and efficiently and tells you that you’ve got about a 15 minute wait on your hands.

Annoying, you think even though you give her a big grin and a sweet ‘thank you’. You’d been right on time. Why in all offices of all kinds is there always a fucking wait?

Wanda has plopped down on a chair in the corner and is fingering through an issue of LIFE, her long legs crossed at the knee. you sit next to her. The office air conditioner is blasting, it had been a muggy May in the city, but you feel overheated. You let the chunky cardigan you’d donned slip down one shoulder, exposing your skin to the chilly air.

You should feel the cold but you’re over heated. Nervous as hell. Why doesnt anyone else in this office seem nervous?

You tend to people watch when you get overly anxious like you are now. Tend to take in every little detail of every little thing around you.

There’s a black couple- the woman doesn't look pregnant but they’re holding hands tightly and they keep whispering to each other. He smiles and nudges her shoulder with his. Then there’s a Latina woman who looks just about ready to pop and is reading one of the kids book to a little boy with her eyes. A white lady, with twin carriers rocks them gently as she chats with a woman who looked to be related to her, maybe. Older and graying.

You feel like a creep but you can't stop looking at them all. Staring at each of the people who are at different stages of the same  life-path you found yourself on.

Wanda clicks her tongue as her dark eyes focus on the magazine. Muttering, her accent thick, about how the lenses they used for the shoot on the page was all wrong.

Her photographers eye was snobby and elitist.

“Y/N?” The nurse calls you back, not butchering your name which is nice and look over at your best friend.

“Are you sure you don't want me to come back with you?” Wanda whispers, big gingerbread eyes searching yours and you shake your head quickly.

You had to do this, on your own. What if...what if you ended up having to do this whole thing alone? You had to be grown, had to face this solo. That’s just how you felt, even if it might not be true.

“It’s just another appointment- I can do it on my own. I’ll live” there's a reasoning lilt in your voice that she doesn't quite buy but she nods all the same. Tells you that she’ll be waiting right there for you as you muster up all your courage and train your face into a smile, following the nurse into the back offices, the door mechanically closing behind the two of you.

The OB’s office is...warmer then you’d thought it would be. Her desk has frames of all types and her walls are plastered with colorful posters, making the alabaster of the wallpaper less daunting. There was even a window in here.

You’re perched up on the exam table/ chair thingy, staring out at the tall buildings across the street, at the people moving fast below on the sidewalks. You wonder what all of them are doing? How many of the have kids?...

When there’s a soft knock at the door your attention snaps back to the present.

Doctor Helen Cho is a petite Asian woman. She has glossy dark hair that's tied up in a clip high on the  back of her head, and her voice is friendly and her expression open as introduces herself to you and reaches out to shake your hand.

“I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you, too” You sound so much surer and more confident then you feel. It had always been your party trick- meeting new people and being able to talk to them. Leaving trails of barley there acquaintances in your wake.

“So it says here that you think you’re pregnant, yes?” She gets right to it, and your appreciative for it.

“Yeah, I know I am.  I took four tests and they all came out positive and I...I feel really off” you try to explain it, poorly but she seems to understand.

“When you say off, do you mean like bad feeling off or?” She probes as she sits at her desk, swivels her chair to face you. Her chocolate almond eyes weren't piercing or clinical, just waiting.

“Not really bad? But I’ve just been so tired lately and I’ve had like, zero appetite. And my breasts have been so sensitive that it hurts to put on a bra” as you tell here these things you could slap your head for not assuming you were pregnant before you’d taken the tests.

Dr. Cho hums and nods as she looks over her tablet “Well from the look of these results from those blood and urine tests your nurse went ahead and gave you when you came in, I can tell you that you are definitely about nine weeks pregnant- so those symptoms are right on with where you are”

You inhale and exhale, bigly. It’s real. It’s been real, was a notion, a happening but now...it’s so freaking real.

And there's a real life changing decision to be made-

That you’d already made before you’d even walked into this office but now seemed even clearer. Crystal, in that moment of clarity.

“I want to keep it” Your confident as you say it. Your voice cracks with some kind of emotion you couldn't even begin to explain, but you’re confident. You’re sure.

Dr. Cho grins at you, and stands, congratulating you then, after she’s sure you even want a congratulations. You like her, think you might.

It’s hard to focus on her voice though because all your mind can think of is the next big obstacle, the next big step in all of this.

How were you going to tell Bucky?

Okay guys? I posted? Crazy right? lol give me some feedback! Comment and tell me what you thought of this. I absolutely love interacting with you guys, but I’m sure ya’ll know that. 

Also- the taglist for this story is still OPEN, so if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters just ask!

@peacefulwriter88 @jaamesbbarnes @jalapenobarnes @brieannakeogh @gifsbysimplysonia @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @lostinspace33 @4theluvofall @plumfondler @tatathekissypotato @siren-kitten-his @skishenanigans @geekyweed @spidey-babe-parker @lastfallenstar @rachelle-on-the-run @prettybubblesintheair @dani-si