#and like not knowing comes from a place of privilege

[thenerdywriter]

the kiss (aka that one scene) and subsequently—

*spoilers for bridgerton s3*

ahem...this might be a bit indelicate? Let us think about who Colin is, at his core. he is a dreamer. he's sweet, he's kind to a fault, and he's also the Bridgerton brother most likely to have ao3 in the 21st century.

Penelope asks for a kiss, and Colin cannot deny her that. so much of their relationship is evinced by the fact that they cannot deny each other anything, even if it is at the expense of their own well-being. Penelope has never once voiced her feelings for Colin because she is aware that he would never see her in such a light, and mostly because, she does not think that her feelings are his business. In the books and in the show, Penelope has never voiced her crush.

So, when she's facing the very real prospects of remaining a spinster and firmly under the influence of her mother and sister (Prudence, especially, I don't really think Phillipa would be that bad) she makes a choice to ask the love of her life, mind you, the one man she had always felt safe with, to kiss her. She is waving goodbye to the dreams of being married, finding a place of her own in a world where a woman had no value if they were not attached in matrimony to a man. Yes, it seems pathetic, yes, it seems desperate. It is. It is desperate. Penelope is desperate at this moment, and she is reckless, but she is not pathetic. She wants to be kissed, and she asks for it, it is a moment where we see a woman exercise agency for the first time in her life. Feelings are so very rarely black or white, and so is this scene; on one hand, you feel wronged and angry at the fact that Penelope is pleading for a kiss, on the other, you empathize with her situation and where she is coming from. She wants this moment, and who better to ask from, than her best friend? Colin has always, always been there for her, and she has been there for him. They know each other the best, she has had the privilege of being able to love him. She wants love, and she has it in her hands at this moment, a fleeting, transient glimpse into what her life could be if she were someone else. This is the moment when Penelope Featherington's dreams are well and truly shattered.

And that same kiss turns Colin's world on its axis. It is so wonderful to see on screen how the same action can have two entirely opposite, but just as important effects on people. Colin has always loved Penelope. This is not even a discussion. He took action on behalf of her family (on behalf of her, really) when he found out about her cousin's schemes. He gives Cressida the cut direct when she humiliates Penelope in front of him. He seeks her out at every social assembly. He has always looked out for her and has always loved her. But all this is platonic. He has never felt a physical connection with her, because neither of them has had the chance to explore that avenue. Neither Colin nor Penelope are aware of their latent attraction to each other. For Penelope, it is because she has never been allowed to feel a physical connection with anyone, and Colin because he has never thought of pursuing a physical connection with Penelope. It is their kiss that ultimately awakens that connection in Colin, and by connection, Penelope asking Colin for a kiss is what puts the wheels in motion.

Which brings me to the first paragraph. Colin is the sweetest boy in the Bridgerton family (Gregory I love you, but nine children? Get off that woman, immediately). When he realizes that he likes Penelope, and loves her romantically, what does he do? He internalizes it like he does everything else. So much of Colin's character arc, both in the book and in the show is about him internalizing everything. He refuses to voice his own feelings if they make other people uncomfortable, much to the detriment of his own mental health. After being deceived in the first season, he removes himself from London because he cannot bear to stay in the city anymore, not when he is reminded of how naive and stupid he was, every moment. It is also important to realize that Colin has been viewed as the naive, soft-hearted brother, by everyone else. When he gets engaged in season 1, Anthony, his big brother, the example he is supposed to follow, tells him that he should have taken Colin to brothels and accuses him of getting married to have sex. In season two, Penelope, an outsider, is the only person who gives a damn about his thoughts. His own family refuses to listen to him, and what does he do when he returns a second time? He tells them, "I shall not bore you with the details". He knows, no one essentially gives a shit. This is why, when he comes to the knowledge of the full breadth of his feelings for Penelope, he internalizes so hard he dreams of her. And this is not an indelicate dream. He does not dream of taking her in the back of a carriage or on his yellow sheets, he dreams of her returning his feelings. He is yet unaware of the extent of Penelope's feelings toward him, but he knows he should not force his feelings onto her, and that is why he dreams of her.

I could go on and on about why Colin is the best Bridgerton brother (Gregory, nine children) but it will take up a lot of space, so I shall keep it brief: (in the show) Anthony almost marries Edwina, a girl who is what, thirteen(?) twelve (?) years younger than him, a girl who has no safety net outside of her sister and her mother, her sister whom Anthony was in love with, and refused to confront his feelings for. Literally, no one forced Anthony to propose to Edwina, he went down on one knee while being aware of his feelings for her older sister. Kate would have been content with relinquishing her younger sister to a marriage where she loved someone who would forever love another. Imagine if Anthony had married Edwina as he intended. Do you think, for even a second, that he would look at her face and not be reminded of Kate? Not to mention neither of them took action till the very last second, and Edwina, a bystander, was forced to ruin herself. Half the reason why she married abroad is the fact that not a single person in London would have married her (headcanon: she marries the Prince, fuck you, Anthony) when she was very publicly denigrated as the Viscount Bridgerton's cast-off. Yes, the Queen's favor saves Anthony and Kate's marriage from scandal, but it also saves Edwina, it saves her from further public embarrassment and scrutiny by a ton that not only views her as an outsider but also envies her for securing the title of the Season's Diamond. (Book)Benedict forces a woman from a servant class to be his mistress while he searches for the girl he fancied to be the love of his life. I'm sorry, there's no coming back from that. Colin gets angry when he is aware of who Lady Whistledown is, but his anger is not directed at Penelope herself. It is directed at her lack of thought for her own safety. Colin puts Penelope's safety and reputation over everything. In the carriage scene, he steps back as soon as he hears the words "but we are friends" from her mouth; he takes it as a sign, that this is Penelope telling him I don't have feelings for you, and he is happy to respect her wishes. Colin would have never voiced his feelings a second time if she had rebuffed him then, he would have been happy to remove himself from Society and spend his days on the Continent, writing in his journals. So much of both Penelope and Colin is them learning to voice their wants and desires and fuck, it's the most beautiful thing to watch as it comes to life on my screen.

[mi-dori]

My sweet sweet Navigator

Prompt: Just you pampering your wife <3

Warnings: None

Author's note: Yes I'm alive guys and I finally have motivation to write

The Astral express was unusually quiet; the conductor was nowhere to be seen and so was most of the passengers were out and about. The sound of Himeko's humming resounded throughout the train. It was only you and Himeko and it's a rare occasion to have an empty express all to you and your wife, except for the conductor who's always there.

"Come back to our room, love. Let's spend some time together." Himeko smiled as she felt your embrace from behind.

"Hm? Does my lover miss me that much?" She teased, turning around and wrapping her arms around your neck.

"I do. It's been a while since we've had some alone time. Everyone's gone, so let's make the most of it." Himeko's lips had never looked so tempting before, and you couldn't help but lean in and capture it between your very own lips. It took her completely by surprise, eliciting a gasp from her.

"Okay okay you win. Let's go." Her sweet giggles filled your stomach with butterflies; everything she does makes you get butterflies. You're so helplessly in love it's amusing at times.

Excitedly, you gently grabbed her hand and pulled her along to your shared room. Out of everyone's room, you and Himeko's one was the biggest in the express and it was located at the end, far away from the others so they wouldn't have to hear the ungodly noises from your cabin.

"My, you certainly are excited about our alone time? Is there something I should look forward too?" She smiled as she took a seat on the bed.

"Yes. I know you've been working hard to keep the express running and you always have so I'm going to take care of you because you deserve a little princess treatment from time to time," you gave her a wink and went ahead to prepare a nice warm bath. Laid out over the bath was a wooden tray that had a glass of wine and a bowl of grapes, along with yogurt in a cup. Her shampoos was laid out besides the bathtub.

"Hey honey come on in," you poked your head from the bathroom and called her in. Himeko smiled as she entered and if her smiles couldn't have gotten bigger, it definitely did after seeing what you did. She gasped softly.

"You did all this for me?"

"No for Welt when he comes back. Of course its for you my love." You began taking off her over throw, followed by her dress leaving her in her bra and panties. Himeko had a body to die for and you were just so glad to be the only one who had the privilege to hold that curvy body. "Well what are you waiting for? Hop in."

With a dreamy sigh, Himeko took off the remaining of her fabric and carefully settled into the bath, sighing as she felt all her tension melt away. You got behind her, sitting on the edge so her head was between your thighs. You took the rose clip out of her hair and began massaging her shoulders as she took a grape and slipped it into her mouth, squealing as the flavours hit her taste bud. "Oh this is the life~" she moaned out.

"A life you'll forever have as long as I'm around."

"You're too sweet."

"Sweeter than coffee?"

"Honey please know your limits." The two of you shared a laugh before you poured water on her head, then applying the shampoo. She leaned her head back and slipped a grape into your mouth. With tender hands, you rubbed the shampoo into her hair, making sure it got deep into her hair. Since her hair was soft and long, you had to take extra care when you're rubbing it as to not tangle it up and Himeko trusts you that much to let you touch her hair. "Your hands are like magic baby," she sighed blissfully.

"You like that?"

"Hm very much."

If the conductor had only heard what was coming from the bathroom, they would've thought otherwise because of the moans Himeko let out. You kept washing her hair, giving her a massage and eventually, the tray was placed on the sink and you were naked in the bath as well, Himeko leaning into your body as she sipped the wine and fed you the grapes. "So is this going to happen every time the two of us are on the express alone?" She titled her head to look up to you.

"I don't know, maybe. I guess I'll do this everytime the two of us are off duty because most of the time, it's either one of us going on adventures. I hope we can go on the next one together."

"I hope everyone is doing alright. Dan Heng was pretty worried for everyone before he left. It seems his past is connected to the Luofu."

While Himeko was relaxing, she's still worried for her friends. She has a big heart and you managed to capture all of it. You pressed a soft kiss to her shoulders. "Mr. Yang is with them. They'll be fine."

"You're right. My only focus should be on you right sweetheart?"

"Exactly."

You two spent a good amount of time in the bath, chatting about random things. You were the first to come out, bringing a robe and wrapping it around her, and a towel for her hair. She went by the sink and started to do her nightly skin care routine, with you helping her; well just standing there and admiring her beauty.

After that, she went and you went into the room and changed into your nightly outfits. She sat on the bed and you blow dried her hair, and made sure it was dry and her hair products were applied. Himeko couldn't say she didn't have a wonderful afternoon. Right through your pampering session, she didn't had to worry about anything, nor did she had to lift her hand to do anything.

She was wrapped up in the covers, her head laid on your chest as she listened to your heart beat and lift soft kisses to your neck and clothed chest. "Thank you for that lovely session, my love. It was truly wonderful to relax and just have my worries melt away."

"It wasn't that much but I'm glad you enjoyed it. The next time, I'll make sure to plan it even bigger and it'll be even better I promise."

"Oh? You're making me excited now love."

"That's the point. I love you my darling."

"Hm I love you too." Before you know it, soft snores left your wife. She was sound asleep in your eyes and you smiled to yourself, thinking how blessed you were.

"Good night, my sweet sweet navigator."

[alittlebitofloveliness]

Tim Visits Curly in the Reformatory

Small fic I wrote based on @pumpkinsy0 's addition to this post.

*************************

The reformatory is the exact same as it was when Tim was here last, five years ago, before he got old enough and his juvenile record long enough the courts decided he was beyond reforming and started sending him to the cooler at the ripe old age of sixteen and a half. Impersonal grey stone walls, hard faced staff, heavy locks on each and every door. Tim is sure if he was in the cafeteria it would have the same chipped yellowish linoleum and serve the same barely palatable slop, just like he knows the barracks probably still house the same iron bunks and lumpy mattresses they make the inmates- sorry, students- make with tight hospital corners before anyone is allowed so much as a bite of food.

Of course, Tim won’t get to see any of his old haunts because as a non inmate the only place he’s allowed is the visitor area. He’s lucky even to be here- unsurprisingly Curly hasn’t proven himself to be a model inmate, and so was supposed to have lost visitation privileges for the month. Tim had to make up some sob story about a dead auntie and god rest her soul just to be allowed in the door.

The visitation room is made up of the same grey walls as the rest of the place, but the room has a half decent carpet and plastic chairs and tables scattered throughout. It’s better than the visitation he’s allowed in the cooler which is all cold metal benches and glass screens, two way telephones and ‘fifteen minutes no longer’.

Keys rattle and the door off the side of the room opens, a hard faced guard practically shoving Curly through the door, who’s grinning like a chessy cat, cussing the guard out in creole and looking extraordinarily pleased with himself.

He practically swaggers over, leaving the guard at the door- yet another perk of the reformatory, that they’re not chaining him to the table- and takes a seat across from Tim.

“Hey Tim.”

The reformatory has always suited Curly, always left him entirely in his element, able to wreak havoc and cause trouble without ever really getting punished for it. For someone who loves nothing more than attention and consequences he can deliberately fight back against, it’s perfect.

Tim dreads the day the courts give up on Curly too and start sending him to the cooler. The reformatory suits him, but the cooler might break him. There’s an undeniable softness to Curly- he hides it well, but it’s there, always has been, and Tim knows the Curly that goes into the cooler for the first time will not be the same Curly who comes out.

“Curly,” he nods, and Curly’s grin widens. He’s a feral housecat raised in a lion’s den, and has never once managed to actually keep his cool, “I see they chopped off that mop of yours.”

That makes him frown, rubbing a hand self consciously across his shaved head. 

“Ain’t like I had a choice now is it?”

Curly hates looking lousy- Tim blames the vanity on him sharing half a soul with Angel- and short hair has never suited him. 

They lapse into silence. Tim because silence is the only thing in the whole world that makes Curly uncomfortable and because the little shit deserves to squirm. Curly because he must know he isn’t supposed to have visitors, which means he knows Tim isn’t here for a mere social call. This visit is important, and Tim knows Curly knows it. His kid brother is stupid but he isn’t dumb, and he’s scarily perceptive when it comes to reading emotions. 

“How is it,” Tim asks when Curly starts fidgeting proper and glancing at the guard like he might try something to piss him off, “that you were sentenced to six months and after being here less than a week they’ve upped it to seven?”

Curly shrugs, that shit eating grin taking over his face once again, “got into it with some asshole in the dining hall. The guards didn’t much like that.”

“And how is it,” Tim continues, wishing for a cigarette and knowing he’ll get kicked out faster than lightning if he pulls one out here, “that you’ve already lost your visitation priviledges?”

“Poor old auntie delilah,” Curly drawls, dodging around the question, “good thing they were nice enough to let you come and comfort me about her passin’.”

“Cut the shit Curly.” Tim orders, “enough causin’ trouble. You could be outta here in four months if you keep your head down. Hell, maybe even three considering this place is prone to overcrowding and this is only your second offence. But only if you play right with the staff and make like a good little reformed schoolboy.”

“Why?” For all he likes his games, Curly’s done playing, eyes sharp, “What’s goin on?”

“We need you back in Tulsa.” 

“Why?” Curly demands again, a spark of panic lighting in his eye. This is unusual behaviour, especially for Tim, and loathe as he is to admit it, Curly can tell right off, “is something wrong with Angel?”

Per usual, Angel’s been the exact definition of a fucking piece of work ever since Curly got locked up, because the twins don’t do well with separation. Yesterday she and ma had gotten into it, and he’d practically had to pry her off the old bitch, but not before she’d ripped out a chunk of ma’s hair. Then she’d gone and baited his two best bruisers into a brawl at the dingo, and now Ricky was getting charged and Danny would be recovering for a few weeks. Just this morning she’d gone over to Buck Merril’s and if rumours were true had hooked up with one of Merril’s shadier friends, some asshole new in town and determined to cause trouble. If she kept up like this until Curly got back, Tim was gonna have to keep her on a very short leash- and Angela never liked following rules.

“She’s fine. Shackin’ up with that buddy of Merill’s, Jack or whatever the fuck, but she’s fine.”

Curly curses. “That asshole will swing at her sooner or later.”

“He won’t,” Tim and some of the gang had made that very clear to him before he drove down here, “and if he does I’ll take care of it.”

“Then what’s goin’ on? How come you want me playin’ goody two shoes in here, huh?”

Tim sighs. “You read the paper in here at all?”

Curly looks at him incredulously, and yeah, that’s fair. It was a stupid question.

“Of course you didn’t. I forgot you can’t read.”

“I can too!” Curly shouts, lowering his voice when the guard makes a move to grab him, “I can! It just…it ain’t easy. The letters all jump everywhere.”

“We need you in Tulsa,” Tim tells him, brushing past it. Reading has always been a sore spot with Curly, and Tim doesn’t want to shame him more than he already has. It wasn't his fault every teacher he’d ever had had glanced at his name on the registrar and immediately abandoned him as a lost cause. “Shit went down last week. You missed a hell of a rumble last week.”

“Fucking socs,” Cury scowls, “did we win?”

“Of course,” It’d be a cold day in hell before any of them lost a rumble to the socs, “but uh, the rumble wasn’t all that happened.”

“TIm.” Curly is as serious as he ever gets, “What happened? Why are you bein’ so weird?”

“Dallas is dead,” Tim admits, and hates that it stings. He hated Dally as much as he liked him, but it was rare he ever found someone he understood so well. The guys in his gang were all a little afraid of him and he liked it that way, and the Curtis’ were too nice for all they were good fighters, but Dally Winston was the same type of asshole as him, loyal to no one, and just about the only person Tim ever really had fun with. Much as he hated to admit it, he was really gonna miss him.

“Winston?” Curly’s eyebrows shoot up, “Shit, I’m sorry man. What happened?”

“Shot,” Tim manages, “he was pointing a heater at the fuzz, the dumbass.”

“Shit,” Curly repeats, shaking his head, “Dallas ain’t stupid. The fuck was he doin’ baiting the cops?”

“He was mad. That little dark haired kid, Johnny. Him and Ponyboy Curtis got caught up in a murder rap, stabbed some soc in the park and skipped town. Got caught up in some fire at the church they ran to, saved a bunch of kids. But Cade got caught up in it, died in the hospital a few days later. Guess ol’ Dal couldn’t take it. Shit kid, you really ain’t heard a lick of this from the papers?”

“Ponyboy was in a fire?” Curly asks, ignoring every other piece of Tim’s story just like he knew he would. Curly was stupid over that Curtis kid as much as he pretended he wasn’t, and it was obvious to anyone with eyes. Tim had seen Curly with crushes before, but none half as bad as the one he had on the Curtis kid. “Is he alright?”

“He’s fine. Got a concussion in the rumble but other than that he’s ok. Darry says he’s taking the whole situation mighty hard though. Him and Cade were good buddies, and Dal was in their gang.”

“They just lost their folks too,” Curly recalls, biting his lip. “Hey, uh, next time you see him tell him I said to take it easy, ok?”

Tim rolls his eyes at his kid brother being reduced to an absolute lovesick fool. “Tell him yourself, I ain’t your messenger.”

“C’mon man,” Curly whines, “don’t be a dick.”

“Don’t get mouthy,” Tim warns, rising when the guard starts making his way over, no doubt ready to tell them their time is up, “and quit causing trouble. Things haven’t cooled down with the socs yet. We need you in Tulsa.”

He allows himself a self satisfied grin as he’s escorted outside. If there’s one thing that can motivate Curly to do anything these days, it’s mentioning Ponyboy Curtis.

Maybe he should pay a visit to the redheaded kid. See how he reacts when he mentions Curly to him. After all, if Curly’s gonna date the kid, Tim should probably get to know him a bit first. Vet him y’know. Plus it’ll annoy Curly.

Four months later Tim makes the drive out to the reformatory and if he just so happens to bring a redheaded Curtis kid with him, so be it.  He’s helping Darry out ‘cause apparently the kid’s been too quiet since everything went down.

Curly’s eyes widen the second he stumbles out the gate and lays eyes on Tims new passenger. He stammers out some half crocked greeting, clearly caught off guard, and Ponyboy grins, despite looking a little confused. Tim watches Curly’s failed attempts to flirt the whole way back to Tulsa, hiding his laugher the whole time.

[xzhdjsj]

Brew Me a Cup

Zaros x Reader

Period comfort with Zaros

I know you guys wanted Dontis (AND I PROMISE I'LL FINISH IT BY THE END OF THIS WEEK!) but I really really REALLYYYYY miss Zaros☹️

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Being a member of an imperial family certainly had its privileges, but when you flip the coin, there are numerous drawbacks that could tarnish one's reputation in an instant. For example, a simply show of emotion, be it anger, the raise of an eyebrow or even a passing glance, is enough for talk to spread of an Earis who is "judgmental" or "snotty".

Even as you struggle in pain and discomfort, you still needed to keep the appearance of a put-together young heir. You sighed, battling the urge to dig your fingers into your stomach in agony. Despite feeling the way you do, your footsteps remain steady as you gracefully made your way through the palace hallways with a smile on your face. Breaking this facade even for a minute to cower over in pain would lead to many questioning your ability to govern Serulla in the future and ruin your chances of being the victor of the trials.

Luckily, you're well adjusted to it by now, having had to survive through years of masking the pain that comes with your period.

Originally, you wished to spend your afternoon in the library with your nose stuck in a book, but the pulsing pain in your abdomen wouldn't allow for such enjoyments. Defeated, you instead made your way back to your room, but not without interruption.

"My Earis, I didn’t expect to find you here." His smooth voice called out behind you.

You steps halt and your turn on your heels to face him. "Sarl Zaros. I don't see anything strange about my presence here. It is the way to my room, after all." You stated calmly, unamused and frankly too tired to indulge him at the moment.

"That's not what I meant. You're usually in the library at this time, are you-" he paused for a moment, dropping his worried expression to let his lips curl into a smirk. "Forget it. The less you study, the more likely I am to surpass you in the trials."

Your right hand digs into the fabric covering your thigh, scowling at the grin plastered to his face as he approached you.

"Listen Zaros," you whisper-shout, "My hormones are everywhere and my insides are fighting against their own body at the moment so, as much as I would love to continue this conversation- I would not- I'll be taking my leave now."

Promptly, you rushed a bow before walking away from a very surprised Zaros. Words failed to make it past his throat and his eyes wandered the floor for assistance- an unsual occurrence for the Sarl. Not that he needed words anyways, you were already far gone.

Back in your room, you threw your body onto the plush blankets and soft pillows groaning in displeasure as you held your stomach. Maybe a short nap would help ease your mind, and when you woke up the pain would be gone. It's seemed possible, right?

Wrong. You lay in bed for 15 minutes, then half an hour, then an entire hour and another hour, but sleep never came. The pain in your body was stubborn and didn't dissipate either. Slowly, you roll over, clutching a pillow to your body, only to be disturbed by a knock on your door. With a heaving sigh, you sat up at the edge of your bed.

"Come in"

The door gently opened, and a young woman with a tray pushed her head inside.

"My Earis, I have brought you some tea." She smiled kindly.

"Pardon? Tea? I didn't call for tea."

"Oh," she shook her head, "Actually, Sarl Zaros had the kitchen staff prepare this for you with some sort of herb he gathered."

"..."

There was no proper way to respond to that. Zaros sent you tea, some sort of special tea. How else should you respond than with silence?

"He actually wanted to prepare it himself, but the staff insisted they'd be able to make it on par with his standards." She beamed.

"Ah well uhm thank you." You say awkwardly as she placed the tray before you. "And give my thanks to the Sarl."

"Of course my Earis." The young lady bowed before leaving the room.

Inching towards the tray, you lifted the teacup to your nose and inhaled. It smells leafy, with a subtle hint of something sweet. It didn’t look the most appetizing either but something deep in your gut told you it was a good idea to drink it. Maybe it was the pain, but Zaros wouldn't openly poison you, right?

Your face contorted at the unfamiliar scent, but you took a sip anyways. It tasted just like it smelled and looked, leafy and like the colour brown. You could taste the honey used to sweeten the tea, that definitely helped you finish the cup without gagging.

You placed the tray onto a nearby table, before collapsing back onto your bed again. The pain still lingered, yet somehow theres was a soothing feeling in your chest and a warmth that spread into the rest of your body. It was calming at the very least.

Once again, you wrapped yourself into a blanket and closed your eyes. You were ready for the disappointing reality of not being able to fall asleep, but your eyes grew heavy and before you knew it, your subconscious had wandered off to the land of sleep.

Hours later your eyes opened, lazily blinking at the darkness that had taken over the outside world. Just how long did you fall asleep for? You roll out of bed, and immediately notice how much easier it was for you to move. The pain you felt early was almost completely gone, save for a dull ache that barely bothered you. Standing up and pulling a robe over your shoulder, you knew exactly what you had to do.

You made your way down the hall, in a much better mood now than you were earlier. You stopped at Zaros' door, hesitating to knock but the nagging thought of 'It's the right thing to do' made you do it anyways. You took a deep breath and knocked three times, then stood patiently awaiting an answer. It didn't take long for you to be face to face with Zaros for the second time that day.

"Zaros I uhm-" You stuttered.

"My Earis, how are you feeling?" He smiled, it was probably a struggle to not smile with the intent of teasing but he managed to look like he cared.

"Better." You responded, "I wanted to say thank you. That tea, it helped me calm down and fall asleep."

"I'm glad you were able to experience it's benefits."

"Right, yes. Well that's it I guess." You shuffled awkwardly, turning to leave.

"Would you like to come in?"

"Pardon?" You blinked at him, unsure if you heard correctly.

"Well you probably just woke up, and it'll be hard to fall asleep again easily. I don't mind keeping you company while you're still awake." His eyes shined with a sort of genuineness that you weren't used to.

"Oh that..." You looked at him in disbelief for a moment. "That would be wonderful, thank you."

-

[cipheramnesia]

I know you talk about movies and TV shows on here a lot, so I'm not sure if you've already a secret this, but do you have any recommendations for things on canabalism? Or werewolves

The cannibalism genre is huge, and you could probably write a book on it. Obviously my favorites are The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 (the originals, none of the remakes, reboots, whatever). They're two sides of the same strange coin with underlying themes of classism and the deep rot at the core of US nationalism. Along with Night of the Living Dead around six years prior, the original TCM was one of those movies that marked a paradigm shift in horror film.

But meanwhile, there was a huge lurid explosion of cannibalsploitation movies. I don't know most of them very well. Like, I've seen Motel Hell and Blood Diner, The Hills Have Eyes movies, but they didn't do a lot for me. Once you start getting to the end of the 80s, directors seemed to start getting an inkling of the satirical or symbolic value of the cannibal, and that's where some really interesting work happens, for example Parents (1989), the absolutely iconic People Under the Stairs (1991), and a left field one from me personally - Auntie Lee's Meat Pies (1992) - which feels almost accidentally anti-capitalist / anti-authoritarian.

One thing about this period is that for the most part there was an associate of cannibalism with being rural and poor (People Under The Stairs and Parents are notable and very interesting exceptions). A degree of the horror lies in humans eating humans, but in a modern lens these old exploitation films tap into other feelings, finding an undercurrent of anger which comes from the way it's so often poor and rural people literally consuming wealthy or privileged people. The cannibals of these movies were often dirty, or old, or fat, or horny. They were loud and obnoxious and tacky - and their victims were so clean and thin and pretty and wealthy. There's no doubt a lot of the exploitation movies in that whole late sixties to early nineties period weren't exactly made with pure intentions, but many of them hit that "eat the rich" sweet spot in a way more recent movies don't.

But anyway, also starting in the 1990s was the shift towards the idea of cannibalism as something transformative - human flesh went from a staple of the poor and disenfranchised, and started to be a luxury item, or something which marked those who consumed it as special or even elite, sort of kicked off by Silence of the Lambs. However, if you want a more interesting example, Ravenous is a fun watch, and has a lot to unpack going on - both for the good and for the bad. It's one of those movies where you'll find a degree of the mythologizing also start to appropriate first nations culture and in particular a figure which isn't meant to be spoken about just in general. Prior to this, there was already a habitual use of "native people" as "savage cannibals" in the exploitative way, but this was where it swung over to the other side of the horseshoe, to stereotype any sort of pre-colonial people's have having a unique and ritualized consumption of human flesh that separated them from white, western colonizers.

Anyway, that takes us up to recent stuff, which is probably too close to see a clear pattern. People are still making the same movies as before, but some of the more interesting modern approaches where cannibalism is in the context of things like coming of age, or finding a place in the world are Raw and Bones And All. These two takes merge some of the original models of cannibalism being a trait of the underprivileged, but having elements signifying it as a unique experience which allows it to serve as a stand-in for the feeling of transition to adulthood, or being someone who is socially othered in some way. A few others which I think have some interesting takes, but maybe not enough to get into detail, are Flesh, We Are What We Are, Feed Me, and Bloody Hell. Most recently, and probably the best new cannibal movie in ages, is Lowlife, which you can find on Tubi.

Anyway, uh, quick off the cuff werewolf take is that there's not really a perfect werewolf movie which in no particular order should have a bipedal werewolf with a wolf head (not human-like) and is queer. Some movies which are a mixed bag are An American Werewolf In London (great writing, terrible wolf design), The Howling series (cool werewolf design, terrible writing), Ginger Snaps 1+2 (should be queer, isn't), Wolf Cop 1+2 (okay writing, okay design, missing the queer), and Late Phases (good writing, so-so design).

Here are the three that you should watch: Dog Soldiers has peak werewolf design, a really interesting concept, and solid writing. Probably your best bang for the buck in terms of cool werewolf fighting time. Bloodthirsty is peak queer werewolf movie writing, with very little actual wolf. It's beautiful and meditative and I love it. And of course the all time greatest werewolf movie ever: Company of Wolves. More of a dreamscape painting than movie, what it lacks in wolf design it makes up in beauty and depth of psychosexual exploration.

[createdbytragedy]

MY GIRLFRIEND (4)

୨୧A/N: Okay, I was suppose to post this first instead of the (3) one because basically, this is the (3) but I got it messed up and accidentally posted that one first so I guess this'll be number (4. )

(lol, this didn't make sense)

୨୧ (3),(2),(1)

୨୧Pairing: Choi Beomgyu X raeder

୨୧Genre: Fluff

"Come on, they would really love you......" Beomgyu said, looking up at you with his adorable eyes. You chuckled, patting his head that rested on your lap.

"You think so?" you asked. He nodded, beaming up at you," I know so. Who in their right mind could not love? you're so pretty and kind and patient. I literally feel so lucky I even met you." his words made you smile, a blush forming on how genuine he sounded.

"Are you bribing me with your compliments?" you teases, brushing away strands of hair from his forehead. God, you loved your boyfriend like this. Bare faced with no make up on, wearing worn out t shirts and looking just a little bit less than perfect. It was a side only you get to see and it somewhat felt privileged knowing that.

"Mmmm, maybe, but no. You really are awesome, (y/n)," he grinned, just staring at your eyes like he sees the universe in it, like he was lost in your consuming beauty. You were too. Watching the way his eyes squint into crescents and the curve of his lips.

"So are you, baby." you placed a kiss on his nose that had him giggling. "Hey, you're distracting me from the conversation!" he playfully pouts, pinching your belly softly as a punishment.

"Why do we need to make it public, baby? Aren't happy with the secret rendezvous?" you playfully remarked. Beomgyu shook his head, lips puckered out slightly in a pout as he played with strands of your hair that fell on his face.

"I just wanna tell the world that you're mine." He whispered. You giggled, placing another kiss on his nose. That instantly lifted his mood, pointing and puckering up his lips for more kisses. You happily gave it to them, smiling and giggling between each other's lips.

"That's it!" he exclaimed, startling you a bit when he abruptly got up from your lap, " I wanna kiss you on live baby. I wanna take you to public places and kiss you IN public because people would be SOOO jealous and I'LL BE LIKE ," HA! LOOK WHAT A CUTE FACE I'M KISSING!!" I wanna take you everywhere. Our concerts, tours, fan meetings-- I wanna spoil you and do cute things together, you know, like, matching fits, making one of those cringey couple videos with you. I wanna show you off to the world and share rides, food, sunsets and drinks. I would place cute lil kisses on your nose and take secret pictures of you. OR we could go to aquariums and one of those dolphin shows you're always on about. I just wanna hold your hand and kiss you beautiful face, you know. Just because I can. " You couldn't help the laugh that escaped your lips by watching the way his face gleamed, ranting about the things he wanted to do with you.

It sounded so pure and it almost made you tear up, watching him wave his hands around, blabbering on and on like he knew there will be a future for you both. Like, he wanted to make a future for you both. It was unreal. The way Beomgyu made you feel so loved and secure.

"But if people don't know about us, we would have to be out in public with those ugly, black sunglasses and face mask and sweaty, smelly caps and have to act like we're spies on a mission," you continued to watch him, unaware of the smile that stretched across as your face as you do so," but if we public our relationship, we could actually enjoy all those things without looking at our back all the freaking time. Great idea, don't you agree?" he grinned proudly and you smiled, ruffling his hair that was already disheveled.

"You're so cute, Gyu. Its hard to say no to you sometimes."

"Does that mean I can post our picture of tonight?" he asks, tone full of joy. You contemplated. The action was precarious and you weren't certain if the outcome would be necessarily positive. +But you knew that Beomgyu would be there for you when things go downhill. He would be there to console you and make things right. So, maybe, it didn't hurt t

"With all that lipstick stain?" you snickered, shades of red painted on his handsome face.

"Hell, yeah, they should know my girlfriend has the best taste in lipstick shade!!"

[sgtmickeyslaughter]

hey gigi!

42 and 56 for the headcanons 🥰

Hello georgia !! thanks for asking!! both of these were super fun and insightful prompts

42. What’s their most prized possession? (Bonus: Is there something Mickey kept from the Milkovich house after terry died?)

I don’t think either of them have sentimental objects from childhood to be honest, neither of them grew up with the opportunity to get materialistic or attached to objects. I think they both really value their wedding rings, those are number one. Mickey’s the type to find a mug he really likes in a thrift store and only use that mug and Ian might get a fancy pair of headphones for working out that he swears by, but nothing too sentimental. But experiences are more valuable for them, that’s why Mickey threw a party for their anniversary instead of giving an extravagant gift, Ian probably does the same thing by getting them a place outside of the city for the weekend.

56. How do they feel about getting old? (grey hair, feeling tired, possible having kids that point it out)

I think Ian struggles a lot with the aesthetic aspect because I imagine he had a head start in taking better care of himself in terms of staying active and eating well, but he really hates looking older. He doesn’t like wrinkles or the idea that his red hair will turn white, he spent a lot of his life being told or inferring that his looks were one of the only things he had going for himself and the idea of losing that is hard for him. I think he also sees them get older and gets frustrated that they didn’t get all the joy and liberty of youth. They were burdened with so much for so long that signs of aging just remind him that they cant have that time back

Mickey doesn’t love looking older, but he doesn’t care as much. That’s just life and he’s never really put a ton of stock into his looks anyways. But you don't get shot twice (that we know of) and get into as many fights as he has without a fair amount of chronic pain, which he struggles with a lot because it means a pain that he swallowed and ignored at the time comes back when he’s older and wiser and maybe wishes he was never put in the position to get hurt so bad. 

But they both like aging together. Ian likes that he gets to rub Mickey’s back and shoulders and Mickey thinks its a bittersweet privilege to watch the red of Ian’s hair fade. Like everything in their lives, it’s a hell of a lot easier to handle side by side. 

oh no i made myself sad about the passage of time :(

headcanon ask

[lostryu]

just saying people need to look up what they’re naming their pet because 9/10 the obscure name you chose is a racial slur.

[cloud-based-and-rainpilled]

I’ve been highly confused as to why Michael “deeply openly thirsting on Twitter about David Tennant for half a decade” Sheen is half-in half-out the closet but apparently Wales is absurdly homophobic lmao what the fuck how is a country the size of New Jersey that much of a hater bruh we out number the shit out of you

[wiseatom]

i tried for a well thought out post. instead you get this mess that i’m begging you not to twist:

the outraged cries of “cliques” are people being actual friends with each other. the people complaining about certain blogs or creators being on pedestals are usually the same people putting them there. i’m not one to belittle feelings - i understand where the upset is coming from. i even understand my place in it! but at the end of the day, we’re working ourselves up over what? notes? followers? hits on a fic? things based on luck and timing??

i can only speak for myself, but i work a full time job and i’m hard scheduled 45 hours a week. all of my free time goes towards fic writing, because that’s For Me and that’s what’s important for my mental health, and even then, i am usually too exhausted to do that. i would love to read fic and interact more! my to-read list is a mile long! it is just genuinely hard for me to find the time. i prioritize my friends because they are my friends — real, actual people i know beyond tumblr mutualship, who i talk to about more than just fic writing — and even then i am late getting around to it. i’m not saying this as a “woe is me, my life is hard” moment, but moreso trying to offer a perspective that is not even being thought of. and i get it, no one wants to hear it, because you’re frustrated, and being vocal about frustration feels nice (i know, bc here i am)!!

someone is going to come for my throat for making this post as a “big author” and “part of the clique we’re all vagueing” and maybe it’s juuuuust me but like. if you’re that unhappy, log off. if seeing a friend group you’re not part of interacting makes you unhappy, log off. if seeing the engagement other people get on their posts or fic or art makes you unhappy, log off. you cannot force people to interact with you or your creative work, and aggressively posting about it when they don’t is not inviting them to. i am begging you to stop having expectations of people you do not know, because at the end of the day, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

[ineedahugtm]

And that ladies and gentlemen, is how you do a YouTuber apology

[redysetdare]

every time i see a post that is like "ughh why cant we have aspec characters who aren't aroace for once" I have to do a double take like "is the aroace rep in the room with us right now?" because genuinely....where is all this aroace rep y'all are complaining about? Why cant i find it yet it's apparently the only aspec rep we get?? You admit that TV never says the word aromantic so where is the aroace rep. So far I've pretty much only seen canonically asexual characters and not much else buddy.

[i-am-but-a-beta-fish]

is this about the hok or myself? the answer is yes.

[tirednotflirting]

no but like i’m going to lose it if i see one more twitter girlie complaining that ‘5sos5 isn’t getting a longer tour’

like firstly, asking your favorite band to do a tour the size of tmh tour every year is a little silly. like it made sense last year. they hadn’t toured since 2019, they had basically two new albums to promote, and the majority of the dates were rescheduled from an existing summer tour. like it made a lot of sense.

but the primary complaint i keep seeing (aside from them not playing another extensively long tour) is that this is somehow a ‘diss’ on 5sos5? when the tour last year? was literally. in part. a 5sos5 tour? it was renamed after a single from the new album to better reflect that? they played 5 songs (i think 6 at the aus dates) from the new album which when you consider the full songs they played on that setlist (that was also quite long!!!) that’s like almost a quarter of the set. i just do not understand where this complaint is coming from. it’s not unheard of to do touring for an album before it’s official release.

ok i’m done. also know i’m preaching to the choir here but i stg it’s a new tour! it’s a new live album! be excited damn it!!!

[silouvertongues]

god i genuinely hate celebrities there's nooo way he hasn't seen a single thing about starbucks and mcdonalds both i feel sick

[the-irrelevant-trumpeter]

okay i’ve only got one more crease with the cornley timeline jump that i need to figure out!

so at the start of the filmed version of ppgw (2016), it implies that they’re all still attending the polytechnic, as it says “they all do a variety of courses during the day, but come together at night to create theatre”.

but since they were all in the polytechnic in 2012 (tptgw), and we know some of them have been there longer than that (eg. robert and annie have been in the cpds for 3 years by haversham manor), this means that all of them have been studying at the polytechnic for 4-8 years. given that most courses only last between 3-4 years, the idea of some of them still being there seems super unbelievable?

i suppose you could justify it like trevor, who just keeps on failing his final year of his course, but it feels hard to believe that all/most of them just kept on failing for so long (no matter how stupid they can be at times). or i suppose it’s also possible that they return to get a second degree or something, but that’s pretty expensive and i don’t think that many of them are super rich (just max, possibly chris?), so i’m not sure how likely that is.

so why are they still with the polytechnic? and even in accgw, they’re still referred to as the cornley polytechnic drama society, so at least some of them must still be there in 2017.

what do we think, are they all just completely hopeless or is there some other explanation for this?