#and like we all know vox is super jealous

[triona-tribblescore]

TW// Abuse implication

Thinking about possible Vox and Angel's interactions and how they'd go down. Theres such a unique mix of hatred to each other and common ground with their different experiences with Valentino, has me thinking.

Also just want to clarify I love Vox's character a LOT but ofc obv don't sympathise with him or think he is any way shape or form a decent individual, cant with stupid toxic dumbass x

AND IF YOU SEE ANY MISTAKES OR TYPOS NO YOU DONT- (i was so tired when drawing it forgive me TwT)

[bigfatbimbo]

Vox/Lucifer/Velvette/whoever you want loll in a “who hurt you?” Situation? 👀 OR reader trying to make them jealous? 😏

a/n — wait i actually don’t know what you fully been by the “who hurt you situation” but that makes me sad because it sounds like something i wanna write so please clarify.

Anyways here’s the reader making them jealous.

Lucifer, as much as he hates to admit it, gets insanely jealous. He doesn’t work hard to hide when he is feeling that way, but he will deny it for the longest time. We see in episode five that he deals with this by trying to upstage the said person, or show you how much better he is. This only works for a little bit before he crumbles. I feel like he would end up getting genuinely sad about it after his cockiness wears off. Like if you’re hoping for a smutty outcome with him, nope. He’s just kinda insecure and will need lots of reassurance.

Vox is kinda harder to place because yes, he gets insanely, maddening, concerningly jealous, but it’s how he shows this that’s complicated. If you’re in public, especially at the voxtech building, I doubt he would make a big display. After all, image is very big for him. But I do think he would be very petty towards you because, what the fuck? He would be furious at your selfish attempt to make him jealous, especially because it would work super fast. He would probably be very bratty about the whole situation, giving you the silent treatment, only replying with short hissy answers, etc. Probably also has trust issues because of valentino so lots of “Oh, now you’re talking to me? Don’t you have that whore to flirt with?” type answers.

Velvette would not hide her jealousy, in fact I think she would flaunt it. Openly insulting whoever the person is, and these cut deep too. She would be petty too, but not in a Vox way, in a ‘oh, im gonna make you even more jealous’ type of way. Like she goes ten times further too. If you were just gently touching someone’s arm, she’s halfway in their lap. Definitely playing with fire, looking over to see your reaction, smiling when she feels like it’s working. Her end goal here is absolutely to get railed by you, just being honest. Wasn’t even gonna be an nsfw post but she is absolutely pissing you off on purpose so you can take it out on her later.

[theyanderespecialist]

(Remake) Base Yandere Vox Headcanons: Go Big or Go Home (Hazbin Hotel)

[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! you all DEMANDED Vox and in the last 28 days over 3000 views for the Old VERY Short Vox one I did a long time ago! Now that we have what he will be like in canon! It is time to do a remake! This will be not only on YouTube, but Wattpad, an Archive of our own, and Tumblr! So let's do this! Enjoy this chapter my sexy muffins. 

(Disclaimer: Vox in canon is just as bad as Valentino as he knows what Valentino does and condones it. Even offering to get the lowest earners for Val to pew pew. It is OKAY to simp for the Villains as long as they are fictional, and as long as you do not condone what they do in real or do what they do, and that you do not support their actions! They are fictional and no actual people were hurt by them in REAL LIFE! 

Disclaimer 2: Vox is not yandere in canon, this is just for fun and not to be taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine, just do not be illegal or gross about it! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life! Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon! Thank you, Enjoy!) 

-Remade Base Yandere Headcanons With Vox From Hazbin Hotel-

.Vox is a businessman at his very core. He is a very good one at that. 

.He is also an overlord and wants to become even more powerful and stronger. 

.He fell for you right away and made you his assistant. 

.That way he can control you as much as he can, cause man oh man is this man manipulative. 

.With you he manipulates you to make sure you never leave his side and that you are always at his beck and call. 

.He is very demanding of your attention, he has to have it on him as much as possible. 

.He despises when you pay attention to others, he is the only one you should look at. 

.The only one that makes you smile, the only one to make you laugh, HE HAS TO BE YOUR ONE AND ONLY. 

.He may very slightly share you with Val, but he is for SURE Going to be the one to marry you! 

.He will have you wear sexy little work outfits, if females with those nice pencil skirts that grab all your curves and or muscles. 

.He loves to have you bend over in front of him (I bet he is an ass man~) to pick something up, he is so checking out your ass. 

.He has the biggest ego of any yandere I have done from Hazbin Hotel. So of course he will KNOW that he is the best suitor for you. 

.Why would you want anyone lower than him when you can have one of the Vees, maybe two if he shares you with Val? 

.Also he would so see you as a trophy spouse. 

.The pretty little thing he takes to parties and shows off as a prize. 

.He is also very touchy-feely with you. 

.hand holding, kissing, groping, hair stroking, and of course lots of sex 

.He loves to touch and make love to you, and he cannot get enough of it. 

.He surprisingly does not want to use his mind-controlling powers over you. 

.He will use them as a very last resort. He does not want to force you in that way. 

.He may slip and try it, but he rather not do it to you! 

(Similar to how he almost used it on Val in episode 2 but how he stopped himself) 

. The only times he does use it on you is to make you hate someone. 

.So that way you will never want to leave him.

.Not to force you to like him but to force you to hate anyone you ever got feelings for that was not him or Val. 

.He does have an angry side as a yandere that is for sure. 

.Being the very jealous type of yandere, he hates when you show interest in others, praise others, or give any attention to others. 

.He also would DESPISE if you enjoyed Alastor's radio show. 

.That is absolutely forbidden! There will be no ADMIRING That Fossile! 

.He is also a very petty yandere! 

.He is so aggressively petty when it comes to you like others. He gets super pouty and very passive-aggressive. 

.He can be a bit of a brat when it comes to your attention fr fr! 

.He also has such daddy energy! (WE ALL SAW IT With him acting like a football dad watching alastor get beat by Adam, he legit acted like his team was winning in sportsball) 

.So he does take a firm hand with you to make you stay in line and are his good little darling 

.He would deal with rivals by mainly hypnotizing them to not like you, and stay away from you. 

.But if he is extra pissed off enough he will torture them and make a public example of it as well! 

.He makes it clear to all of hell that you are his and his alone, no one else can have you. 

.His confession of his love to you, will be a grand moment. (Most likely he will have it on live TV) 

.He is so confident that you will say yes! 

.If you do say yes, he is over the moon and is riding the high of finally having you for months! 

.If you say no, the audio and visual are cut and he grabs you by the arm. Shouting at you of how dare you humiliate him like that! 

.He then will force a kiss on you and make you his, he is going to teach you that you never say no to him. 

.If that does not work he will use his mind control powers to make you love him. 

.He did not want to do it, but you forced his hand! 

.Side note he is also the go big or go home type of yandere. 

.In which he will go big with his love for you. 

.He also will very much be a sugar daddy type of yandere. 

.You are his and he is going spoil you. 

.He is Very much buying your love. 

.AND VERY CONTROLLING 

.As his partner and his future spouse you have to uphold his brand and his image, you are his darling and he is not going to have you looking cheap. 

.So be ready to be spoiled and more or less forced to be in his style. 

.He does adore you and can be super sweet and affectionate with you. 

.Again he may share you with Val so be ready for that! 

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS another chapter is done I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and stay sexy all of my sexy muffins!] 

[fahrenheitegg]

MI'SIMP pt 1

✻ Pairings: Vox Akuma x fem!reader

✻ Synopsis: If there is mi'lord, there is mi'simp too. Wherein mi'lord being a simp, and his first ever collab with his self-proclaimed wifey aka his oshii

✻ Further notice: female bodied reader.

Y/n is an independent vtuber with cute live3d movements like Shxtou's, which gained her a lot of attention and fans.

But that wasn't the only reason why she is famous. Y/n handled her streams very well with this vibey chill vibes and her relatable personality. And of course, her cuteness.

Y/n calls her fandom Cielos,

And it wasn't a secret that Vox Akuma is one of them.

Vox has been a big fan of Y/n even before her Vtuber debut and everybody knows it, especially NIJISANJI EN.

Shu Yamino is also a Cielo

But unlike Vox, the way he simps for Y/n makes him sort of a good friend rather than just a far away admirer

and Vox is jealous of that.

Y/n usually play soft indie games such as Unpacking, Kuukiyomi, Unknown Goose Game, etc. Which was why Vox started playing these kind of games as well.

Well, the Kindreds doesn't really know about it. But they had a hunch.

Vox knew Y/n through Shxtou. He wanted to support Shxtou's new cover song when Mi'lord found out about Y/n. He immediately fell in love with her voice and has supported her since her debut.

He posted his desk set up one time and Y/n's model was his wallpaper on all desktop, including his phone.

He even has a few merchandise of her.

Vox even built Y/n a shrine of hers at Minecraft, right at the Akuma Clan.

Vox usually joins her chat during his leisure time. And once he's in, he just couldn't quit. His attention, all onto her.

He gives her super chats— even rainbow super chats during his pay!

He proposed to her multiple times through chat.

Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: that was so cute what the actual fuck

Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: i'm on my knees

Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: to propose duh chat you're so horny that's bad influence to our y/n >:((

He's a very proud Cielo.

He even made a dump account like Finana, only for it to be filled with Y/n stuff

Vox almost beaten DailyY/n up to it for being the most active fan account at Twitter.

Despite being this thick-faced, he actually feels like he wouldn't have the balls once he joins a collab with Y/n in it.

One time, he accidentally joined a Discord call with Shu's collab after he woke up, just to check up on Shu.

Y/n was there.

Vox found out. He was silent for a minute straight, making everyone in the call laugh.

"omg i love you y/n" in a squeaky voice before leaving the call

Vox first collab with Y/n was a horror game with Shoto, Ike, and Reimu.

It was a mess.

Good mess.

Before stream: he was so excited but nervous as well. Vox knew he's gonna jumble up his words once he's on call with his favorite Vtuber, but he has already agreed to this collab.

He can't just back out like a man without balls.

During stream: He was 100x talkative

His model was always smiling with opened mouth and widened eyes

Unfortunately, Y/n was streaming her pov, so she couldn't pay much attention to Vox.

But everyone knows that Vox is hyped up during that stream.

"Hi, I'm Ike Eveland from NIJISANJI EN's Luxiem! It's nice to meet everyone!"

"My turn? Oh helloooo I'm Reimu Endou, also from NNIJISANJI EN's third wave, Ethyria! Yaaay~!"

"Okay... I'm Shoto... I can bark— arf arf arf arf—"

"I'm Y/n! Please take care of me! よろしくお願いします!!"

"よろしくお願いします~!" - Ike & Reimu

"Yoroshikuuu!" - Shoto

"Hi, my name is Vox Akuma from NIJISANJI EN's Luxiem. It's a pleasure to once again play with Ike, Reimu, and Shoto, but now, better, for we have a new face, Y/n. Nice to meet you, Y/n."

In a very deep, calm, and professional tone/voice

He was calming himself, he wasn't trying to intimidate Y/n.

Vox tried being brave. Clue: He's already brave

Another clue word: tried

Y/n wasn't good with horror games, so she tried sticking with Reimu, who she is most comfortable with during the stream.

Reimu took advantage of it.

and Vox was so jealous

Which was why he tried failing the puzzles a multiple times just to be with Y/n every time she fails as well.

He tried talking to her.

Clue word: tried

"Hi, Y/n. How was your day?"

"Oh— it was great! Thank you. How about yours?"

"Could be better if you give me a kiss or something."

Y/n's model was shocked. Mouth and eyes wide opened, jaw on the floor.

"Oh my God I thought you were only like that on chat!"

"Oh? So you do read my live chats aside from my super chats."

"How could I not... everyone's attention was always on every chat of yours..."

"Aww, that's so sweet." - Ike out of nowhere

Vox tried helping Y/n in some puzzles, and whenever he's there while a monster was chasing her.

Of course, he didn't forget to shove in a few flirting lines which flustered Y/n so much.

Don't worry, if she's flustered, Vox is a fucking blushing mess.

Vox just gulped down his shyness and tried getting closer with Y/n during the stream. It was his only opportunity — who knows if he could collab like this with her again?

He did.

After the collab, Vox asked if he could keep in touch with Y/n, which the lady replied yes to.

Ever since then, their friendship bloomed.

Kinda like a one sided relationship right now.

Vox became Y/n's self-proclaimed husband

His first collab with only Y/n was A Way Out.

It was the best day of his life, aside from Y/n debuting during his birthday.

There were a lot of flirting that Kindreds and Cielos even made a timestamp of it. They even counted how many times Y/n has rejected Vox's advance

Because fortunately (unfortunately for Vox) Y/n is also good at evading advances, just like Ike.

That's when a new ship was born. New tags, new fan arts, new incorrect quotes, everything.

It even boosted both popularities.

Y/n is a good friend of Nina too.

When Nina held another offline collab at Sicily, Y/n was invited together with the whole Luxiem, Elira Pendora, Alban Knox, Uki Violeta, and Fulgur Ovid.

Vox fainted

up next: Mi'simp and The Adventures of Offline Collab

Masterlist

[sleepihaven]

Luxiem/Noctyx being absolutely WHIPPED for Vtuber!Reader and play fights for their attention! Maybe in MINECRAFT where all the members log in when they saw reader log in, inviting them to their activities— ACK! thank chu~ have a nice day ^^

Choose Me, Please !

Pairing: Luxiem x Reader

Synopsis: Trying to get their attention back so you can go back to what you were doing ? Scandalous

A/N: When your reqs are kinda hard for your little peanut brain to understand. This one is kinda short cuz im so sorry I had a hardtime I’m not too sure if this is the playfight banter you wanted, its more of just like a whining thing then again it kinda falls under playfight category idk anymore man o(-( I hope you enjoy

Vox Akuma

This man is literally head over heels with you, having your streams as background noise, superchatting you sometimes to tell you that you’re doing great and so on and so forth

So when he was doing a Minecraft stream with Luxiem and saw you logging in the game

“Oh oh oh oh!! Y/N is in!! Let’s go to her!!” He immediately moved his avatar to you spawned, jumping infront of you to greet you

‘Hey thereeeee, streaming?’ You typed in chat, it was your off day but wanted to hopcon Minecraft for some relaxation

‘Yeappp let me show you my castle’ Vox’s avatar runs off thinking you were following him but as he looked behind he sees your avatar seemingly chatting with Mysta’s in the chatbox.

‘Yea yea! I can show you around on what I’m working on Y/N!’ Mysta jumped around while your avatar is just crouching and staring at him

Vox from afar is reallllll jealous “Oh my God chat. Are you seeing this???” He sprints back to where you are and jumps between you and Mysta

“My boy, my doggy, my man. I know you love NTR but I asked Y/N first.” He crouched infront of Mysta

‘Ghgeoaugheoaughea I can come back to you later on Mysta! It ok, let’s go then Vox!’ You typed, heading towards his place

“Hehehehe onwards to Akuma castle then chat!”

Mysta Rias

He was actually gaming outside of stream, spending his free time on Minecraft building stuffs and exploring undergrounds when he saw you building your place from where he is right now

He runs up to your avatar and jumps around

‘What are you doing?’ he typed in

‘I’m just exploring around you?’

‘Same. Why don’t we do it together?’

And you did, went around together, finding some diamonds along the way while decide to hop in a vc together so your communications would be easier

It was until you met Shu along the way, he was streaming and was exploring around too.

‘Hey Shu!! Me and Mysta are just exploring’ He saw you type in the chatbox

‘Oh cool cool! Oh Y/N btw….’

And it became a long wide conversation with just your keyboard as asmr for Mysta’s ears

“Uhh… Y/N….” He stammered quietly, not wanting to disturb your conversation but he was exploring with you at first.

“Ah! Sorry sorry Mysta, Shu let’s save this conversation for later, I’m gonna go back exploring with Mysta okay!” He lit up when he saw you type back in

“Oh.. You didn’t have to really you were having a nice conversation with him after all.”

“Come on and leave you hanging like that? So sorry I got carried away, you invited me first to exploring after all come on!” Your avatar gets far deeper in the caverns, Mysta frozen in his spot as a smile slowly creeps on his face

Luca Kaneshiro

I mean you see how he plays minecraft. Super chaotic and all

He was doing off stream actually, just minding his own business in Minecraft when he saw his Youtube recommendation that you were streaming Minecraft

He immediately hopcon Minecraft to bother you with his house pranks or just chasing you in general

It took him awhile to find where you’re right now since the server is vast and you could be anywhere

And there you are, talking with Ike with the occasional jumps from your avatar and from his too

‘POOOGGGGGG Y/NNNN HIIIIIIIIII’ He typed in chat, earning a jump from your avatar

‘HIIII LUCAAAAA POG YOUUUU’

‘Hey there Luca’ Ike’s avatar jumped to greet him then proceeds to crouch

You three were just chatting then a lightbulb shined on your head

‘What about us three exploring around the server? That way we can have fun together’

‘Sounds great pog!’

‘That sounds like a good idea Y/N’

And there you three went, visiting every members places they built for themselves in Minecraft. The three of you even decided to jump in vc to make things easier

But at one point, Luca felt like the mean and evil mafia boss he is to just sweep you off to himself, so he devised a plan to distract Ike

Once everything is set in place, he waited for Ike to show you what he was working on before placing a TNT block down and then blowing it up

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT” Ike yelled, getting hit from the close defuse.

“Y/N come on come on let’s run.” Luca stage whispered running away from Ike with you

“I. Luca oh my God what was that for.”

“I just wanna distract Ike so I can hangout with you more. Pog idea right?” He laughs, content with the reaction Ike gave.

Ike Eveland

I know he rarely does Minecraft streams but get this

It took awhile to convince him to have a Minecraft collab stream together (caviar toast bribe totally didn’t happen I mean what)

At first you were joining him do Pak Taka’s parkour tower with him, sometimes getting left behind from how fast this man proceeds through the tracks

Until like Luca joins Minecraft to do God knows what he’s up to

‘POGGGG IKEY WIKEYYY Y/N YOU’RE HEREEEEE’ He typed in chat

‘Lucaaaaaa heeeyyyyyyyy poggg youuuu where are you rn’ You typed

‘I’m exploring how about u and ikey wikey?’

‘We’re doing Taka senpai’s parkour tower’ Ike replied

Then you both continued your trial and errors in attempting to beat the floor you’re in rn when you least expected Luca hopping in the vc you were in

“POOOOGGGGGGGGGG-“

“LUCA THAT SCARED ME!!!!” You yelped, going to discord to see him leave again after that

For the next few minutes, he keeps doing it just for fun but Ike was getting a tad bit frustrated that he gets you both off call and goes to call on DM.

You quickly muted your mic so your chat won’t hear your conversation with Ike, messaging Ike privately to do the same

“Ike, you ok..? You wanna take a break first or something to blow off some steam?”

“Yeah yeah, I am the one hanging out with you though” :<

“We can stay here y’know and keep up with our progress in the tower.”

“Mhm I was just frustrated at how Luca keeps trying to get your attention, and yes we can stay here in DM calls.”

You hummed in response before unmuting your mic to apologize to the chat and continued your way together.

Shu Yamino

He’s pretty chill in Minecraft, just some explorations underground or roaming around going in someone’s house to just see some of their possessions

Him inviting you to hopcon Minecraft off stream just to walk around and to have a stroll around the EN server together

“This is fun don’t you think?” He asked you on vc together, the sound of his keyboard tapping is like asmr to your ears

“Yeah Shu! Thanks for inviting me to this, its very relaxing from like a week of streaming together.”

“Eyyyy no worries Y/N, glad you are.” He responded, checking whoevers online in Minecraft

“Ey Mysta’s on.” You hear him getting all excited

‘Hey there bottom’ You joked in chat

‘Holy shit Y/N I’m not a bottom! Also nice to see you.’ He typed in

‘Eyyyyy Mysta whats up’ Shu typed in too

You three began chatting on the Minecraft chat, getting all distracted from what your original purpose was with Shu

Shu was enjoying the chat but he did promise you to explore together after all

‘Hey uh Mysta, don’t mean to sound rude but, me and Y/N were gonna explore and stuffs before we saw you getting on’

‘Oh. OHHHHH. OH SHIT IM SO SORRY DUDE’ Shu chuckled from his response

‘Nah its ok, besides we can hangout next time the three of us yeah?’

You and Shu send your goodbye greetings to Mysta before heading to your original direction

“Usually you don’t do that, what’s up?” You asked, being curious from how Shu acted

“It was nothing, I did promise you after all, I didn’t wanna break it.”

Masterlist

[sweetnsour1]

Dear sweet,

better late than never I would like to participate in your 1kweek question game.

I want to ask: w u t. 🤣

w. What's the last anime you watched? Who's your favorite character in it?

"The Legend of Vox Machina" (It's not an anime in the classic sense, but the drawing style reminds me of one. I hope that still counts xD)

It is an adult animated fantasy tv series based on campaign one of Critical Role, which is a Dungeons & Dragons web series. I highly recommend it, it is really fun to watch.

My favorite character is Vax, 'cause he is a fucking badass with a soft core and hot as hell. And I love his voice actor Liam O'Brien.

u. What is your nervous habit?

When I'm nervous or very focused, I pluck at my lower lip, even pulling off little scraps of skin. It doesn't hurt, but sometimes I overdo it and pull off too much, then it bleeds a little.

I got into this habit 5 years ago during my bachelor thesis. My husband hates when I do this, so I tried to break the habit once, but I had a relapse after a few months and now I'm living with it. But everytime my husband looks at me when I'm doing it, I remember what I'm doing and stop it - only to start again a few minutes later. 😅

t. Where was your last vacation? Would you go again?

On my last vacation I went to Scotland with my husband and a friend of mine. We hiked the West Highland Way. If you don't know it, this is one of the most famous hiking trails in Scotland. We walked a total of 135 km within 8 days (including one break day). It was quite exhausting and at the end our feet hurt a lot, but all in all it was super fun. The landscapes were fantastic (we hiked alongside a lake and moor, through fairytale like forests and over hills), we were really lucky with the weather, we drank good whiskey in the evening and I love British food and people anyway. An all around enjoyable vacation. I can highly recommend this walking tour and Scotland in general as a travel destination. I would go there again at any time.

Hello again, my little lamb🖤

W: Ooo I think I watched one episode of that and life got me distracted so I literally forgot about it until your message now lol. I’ll have to look it up and try it again!

I’ve been sick, so I’ve pretty much just been binging studio ghibli movies so I’m counting Princess Mononoke as my last watch. My favorite character would be mama wolf bc she is petty and I love it. My actual last anime watch was jjk 0. My love for Gojo is possibly unhealthier than my love for Bakugou, but I’m totally fine with that. 😂 it probably has something to do with my sick love for Howl Pendragon, who essentially is the og gojo

U: Fuck, nothing brings out stress like the world of academia. I do a lot of fidgeting with my fingernails. Like I trace the outline of my thumbnail with each finger and repeat that infinitely until my sister tosses a fidget toy at my face. I’ve also been gifted fidget spinner rings which help a lot with that as well. However, sometimes thats way louder and more annoying to people 😂

T: I. AM. SO. JEALOUS. Scotland is like my dreammmmmm vacation. I just want to be surrounded by grass and mist and rain and whiskey and that accent. Just wanna seduce a sexy ginger that I can barely understand and live there forever.

My last trip was a resort in Santa Fe, New Mexico. It was a compromise bc my sister wanted a trip that was like a spa thing but I can’t stand having strangers touch me sooo we went for a place with hot springs! It was so fun being able to hop into the springs any time of day you wanted. It was crazy relaxing. And it was cold there still so I was in loooooove. The day it snowed and we could still be outside in bathing suits 🖤🖤🖤 10/10 would recommend and now want to go to all hot springs everywhere bc I am ADDICTED

Thanks for telling and asking!

Last day for the game

[bluephoenixdruidicprincess]

Vox Machina/Critical Role Rambles

You all may have noticed, I've been going a little crazy with the Vox Machina posts. What can I say? I started watching The Legend of Vox Machina earlier this week and I kind of got hooked.

Now, I didn't know much about this show before going into it. Really the only thing I knew about it was that it was an "adaptation (I guess?)" from the first campaign Critical Role did. And I knew about Critical Role very loosely, knew it was a D&D tabletop stream done by voice actors but beyond that, I'd never really checked them out before. I had wanted to but then I kept on hearing things like "they're overrated" "or they've become over-serialized and too commercial" and whatever. But then I realized, you know, I haven't watched a D&D stream since the Natural Oneders from TFS at the Table and maybe it was time to get into another D&D campaign. And since I have so little experience with streamed D&D campaigns, how am I going to be able to tell "who's too commercial" or "who's overrated"? And really, these kind of comments will typically always pop up whenever something becomes successful -- we humans are jealous creatures and sometimes we let our envy get the better of us, so maybe I shouldn't listen to judgements on something I've never seen before. Now if anyone thinks they're overrated or too commercial, I'm not dissing you in any way, not saying you're not entitled to your opinion or anything or that you're jealous or envious of them, I'm sure you have your reasons. But just in my experience when people use phrases like overrated or overserialized and stuff like that, I've learned to take a grain of salt with that.

But anyway, whilst watching the show, I also started watching the campaign 1 on Youtube while iIm at work. Mainly because while watching the show, I found out Vax is voiced by Liam O'Brien, whom I have a HUGE vocal crush on (ever since listneing to him in GunxSword) and if you're telling me that there's a stream that goes on for hundreds of episodes with him in it and I can listen to his voice for hundreds of hours, then yes, I'M ALL IN. Listening to Liam O'Brien is like constantly being in the throes of vocal passion and pleasure to me and I'm not sorry. I kind of forgot how quickly sometimes the day can go by while at work and you're just listening to a D&D campaign. It's been fun and its fun to go back to the show after watching a few installments of the campaigns and finally understanding some of the inside jokes they put in the show.

Now the actual show, The Legend of Vox Machina, particularly in the beginning feels pretty clunky. You just don't know that much about the characters when you're first introduced to them and then them having these character moments a few episodes in, you just don't know how to feel because you don't really understand the characters that well. But perhaps this was done on purpose as a call out to the beginnings of Critical Role. I mean, when Critical Role first starts, we're essentially all dropped into a campaign that they've already been running for 2 1/2 years prior so there is a bit of a period when you're still trying to get used to and understand the characters, there's all these inside jokes and character dynamics you don't have context for). Plus D&D in general is also not super great when it comes to story telling in general, it definitely has its own flavor of story telling but you know, when you're bound to some dice rolls, and characters, their decisions, and where they go are dictated by several people, the story can go places that don't always make sense and don't always have a semblance of a cohesive story. So in that respect, you can definitely see the D&D flaws within the show. BUT give it a few more episodes, and you'll find you don't really care, you've fallen in love with the characters at this point so you kind of forgive early show.

Obviously my favorite ship is Vaxleth (Vax and Keylethe). They're both my favorite characters and they are so awesome and so awkward all at the same time, I mean come on, I have a weak spot in my heart for rogues and awkward characters, there was no way in hell I was not going to ship them. Now, whenever I listen to music, I keep imagining them in my head, might create a playlist in Spotify for them. And I seriously CANNOT wait until I get further in the campaign to see Liam and Marisha roleplaying this dynamic I saw in the show. I don't necessarily like how at the end of the show, Vax just says "I'm going to walk away now" after Keylethe rejected him especially since I've seen snippets of what Liam actually says in the campaign stream and it is just the most romantic, intimate, understanding, wonderful speech to being rejected that I've ever heard, like Liam O'Brien is just a total romantic sap and I AM HERE FOR IT. It's like why would you not use that speech! It is such an integral soft vulnerable part of Vax. But at the end of the day, maybe they'll use it at a different point in time (also, maybe I don't know what I'm talking about because I don't have context but whatever). And I get it, the "walk away" line is probably a call back to the campaign stream where everytime Vax talks to Keylethe, at the end, Liam will say, "and I walk away".

I also love Vax and Gilmore too. I think those two together are really fun. And who knows? Maybe with a little more confidence from Keylethe, we could end up with an Ot3 on our hands.

But anyway, I just had thoughts that I needed to get out and here they are. Thanks for reading and putting up with my fangasms.

[jaceyneedsabetterusername]

Enlighten Me

Pairings: Marcus Moreno x Reader

Summary: You’d been in love with Marcus since you were seventeen but wrote it off as a silly little crush on an older man. After seeing you again when you were 20, about six months after the loss of his wife, romantic feelings for you stir in Marcus that have him feeling confused. Two years of secretly pining after a seemingly impossible relationship leads to some confessions. 

Warnings: Age Gap (13-ish years),  Little angsty, Mentions of his wife’s death, Brief mention of pedophilia (Marcus just says he’s concerned about being seen this way), Brief mention of kidnapping (just super quickly says that reader saved kids from being kidnapped)

Word Count: 4200

______________

You stood in the briefing room of headquarters, waiting for the rest of the Heroics to arrive. Tech-no, Ms. Vox, Miracle Man, and Blinding Fast were the only other heroes there so far and the meeting couldn’t begin until everyone was present. Being in the Heroics Headquarters for the first time in what felt like forever sent nerves throughout your body like the first day of training. Even though you had always felt like a legitimate member of the team, you hadn’t been called on to do a job in a while. It was almost always Miracle Man, much to your secretly jealous chagrin, or occasionally Tech-no, depending on whether or not the problem could be fixed with gadgets. Regardless of who had been called how many times throughout the year, there was always an annual meeting of all the Heroics just to ensure that everyone was on the same page as far as current threats and protocols. This was that meeting. 

You stood beside Tech-no, listening to him explain the newest creation he’d invented in an attempt to block out Ms. Vox and Miracle Man’s incessant voices. Both of the heroes were nice people but they had egos the size of China and it did get grating sometimes. You’d always found it best to just avoid the people who had annoyed you on the team instead of getting involved in the incessant bickering that constantly seemed to be plaguing the team.

“With a simple press of the blue button, I was able to send an EMP straight to the power source of the detonation system. Stopped the bomb and Miracle Man caught the lady. Pretty neat, huh?” Tech-no explained, his demeanor pretty calm despite knowing how excited he got when his devices were successful. 

You smiled at his story, “Wow, that’s amazing!” 

“Have you been called in lately? I haven’t seen you around in a while.” He noted, brows knitting in curiosity. He’d always been like a big brother of sorts to you, one of your favorite people on the team, so of course he would notice your lack of presence, especially after spending so much time together. 

You shrugged, “Not much, only a handful of times this last year. I helped Sharkboy and Lavagirl with those elemental giants in Arkansas back in March and then Invisi Girl and I rescued all those kids from those kidnappers in Louisiana but it’s been a pretty dull year other than.” 

Tech-no’s face twisted sadly, “I’m sorry. I know it’s no fun to get left out of the action.” 

“It’s alright. Just gave me time to focus on my schoolwork.” You lied. Well, not about the schoolwork but about it being fine. You couldn’t lie that there were times you felt like you were treated like you were less important than the other Heroics for multiple reasons. Typically, the Heroics came up in generations where the last generation’s kids would take over for them. Most of the current Heroics had been born in about the same six year time period so they were all relatively the same age. However, your parents weren’t superheroes. They were just normal people who happened to somehow create a superhuman child. On top of that, you were about thirteen years younger than most of them. By the time you had decided to finally seek out help and direction from the Heroics at the age of seventeen, it was clear you were a strange in between age. The current generation had been in their late twenties-early thirties while their children, if they’d had any yet, were in the first two or three years of their lives. Especially after you’d been trained by Grandma Moreno, the team had taken to you quite well but always felt the need to protect you, despite the fact that you had superpowers, just like the rest of them. 

The door to the room slid open soundlessly but after years of training with Grandma Moreno, it was something that you noticed right away. Your heart stopped when you saw Marcus Moreno walk into the room, all geared up and with his swords strapped to his back. Your eyes were trained on his tall strong figure as he glanced around the room, inspecting who had already arrived. Butterflies erupted in your stomach and you could have melted then and there when his gaze met your own. Small crinkles appeared at the corner of his eyes as a wide smile spread across his face. “Mirror! Long time no see! How you been, kid?” He asked happily, pulling you in for a big hug. 

It took a lot of effort to not show how your heart fell when he called you that. Kid. It was all you’d ever be to him. You’d harbored a crush on him since you’d met him, though then you’d written it off as some puppy love crush on an older (and married) man. Over the years, though, the stupid feelings had anything but subsided, choosing to bubble up inside into some ridiculous unobtainable love for a man that would never love you back. Or so you thought. 

When Marcus entered the room, his eyes were automatically scanning the space for your bright smile. It was the same smile that made his heart flutter the way his wife’s did. It was the only other smile to ever have brought him such feelings of longing. When he saw you talking to Tech-no, he couldn’t help the way his lips turned up into a wide smile. 

These feelings made him uneasy, however. It felt wrong- inappropriate to have any sort of romantic feelings or attraction towards you being so much younger than he was. He had known you since you were seventeen and watched you grow into the beautiful young woman standing before him now, only growing more and more radiant with each time he saw you. By all accounts, you were an adult. You were on the verge of graduating from college, living on your own, and working a second job outside of being a Heroic. Even with all this, he was certain that if he had ever made his feelings known, you and the rest of the Heroics would look at him like some pedophile- except he was far from anything so disgusting. Any hint of romantic attraction to you hadn’t blossomed until you were twenty, when you had shown up at HQ one day, suddenly a woman instead of the girl he once knew. Even then, it was only a few months after the death of his wife and he was sure it was his heart’s way of trying to cope and fill the void with a safe presence. He was sure the feelings were purely temporary and hid them away from anyone, even himself for a while, but over the course of the last two years, he was almost frustrated to say they hadn’t subsided. Now you were twenty-two, strong and independent, beautiful and intelligent. 

With all logic, Marcus knew that having feelings for you shouldn’t make him feel dirty, especially when he’d had aunts and uncles that were fifteen years apart in age, but he couldn’t help the way the nickname kid had spilled from his lips before he could catch it in a subconscious attempt at overcompensating for his emotions. He cringed internally but kept an altered look of happiness on his face. He caught the way the twinkle in your eye faded just a little at the name and he felt a little bad for making you feel like a child. 

“Y’know, I have a real name.” You chided, rolling your eyes jokingly. 

Marcus chuckled, “I can’t remember the last time anyone used their real names on duty.” 

You raised your hand towards him, “I can’t remember the last time we didn’t just call you Marcus, even on duty. Besides, this hardly counts as being on duty.” You added, glancing around as more heroes shuffled into the room, clearly splitting off into groups based on how much they could stand one another, which wasn’t much.  

“Well, I don’t really ever go out as an actual Heroic anymore so I don’t really count.” He insisted, noticing how your eyebrow raised, eyes glancing down at his uniform and the swords strapped to his back. “It’s more of a formality for meetings like this. I don’t usually wear it.” 

“Okay, one, you do still count. You’re still the leader of this team. Two, if I have to wear this,” You motioned to your get-up, “You should have to suffer too.” You insisted with a laugh. 

Marcus couldn’t help the way he glanced down at the mention of your suit, though he tried as hard as possible to not make it look like he was actually checking you out. The smokey grey material sparkled ever so slightly in the light and was skin tight, covering your arms and legs entirely. It was modestly cut at the top, though it still showed the curvature of your breasts due to the tightness of the material. Thin black lines drew long angular patterns down your arms, torso, and legs, before disappearing beneath your tall black boots that covered just above your knees. Your hair was braided back back there were still some tendrils that hung loose at the front. You were a sight for sore eyes and Marcus’s eyes must have been aching because he never wanted to look away. 

Tech-no looked between the two of you, noticing the way he was seemingly forgotten about the moment you saw each other. He smirked to himself, noticing how both you and Marcus looked at each other differently than how you looked at anyone else. “I’m gonna go talk to Crushing Low but it was nice seeing you again, Mirror.” He excused himself, patting Marcus on the shoulder as he did. 

“Oh, okay!” You had honestly almost forgotten about the other man, too entranced by Marcus’s presence. 

It got quiet between you and Marcus after Tech-no had left, apparently having provided some sort of unknown buffer between the two of you for your unspoken tension. Marcus stood with his hands on his hips, looking down at you with a smile and you chewed your lip, trying to think of anything to say to break the silence. 

“Well-”

“How-” 

“Heroics, I’m glad you could all make it.” 

You and Marcus had begun to speak at the exact same time, only to be cut off by the ever commanding presence of Ms. Granada as she floated into the room gracefully despite her insanely high heels. With momentarily startled eyes, you shot Marcus an apologetic look before making your way to your designated seat around the large circular table. You sat between Sharkboy and Miracle Man, Marcus taking his seat across the table from you and crossing his hands over the files you’d all been handed. 

The meeting went quickly as Ms. Granada did a recap of the last year. In the file had been a list of all the missions gone on, all villains, new and old, as well as more boring things, like the budget for the upcoming year and guidelines on how to handle the press when situations got more destructive than preferred. 

After she had finished everything up, you all rose from your seats and began to leave, very few members of the team wanting to be around each other any longer than necessary. You decided to hang around HQ a little longer, it having been a while since you’d been to the building. There was one place in particular you’d always loved. In the back of the massive building, there was a garden that had always felt a little out of place amongst all the cold clean metal of the facility but it was somewhere you’d always felt drawn to. There was a small pond with little koi fish that swam around inside and a moderate variety of plants, most of which were actually somewhat tropical looking, all around. Gravel formed a path that wound through the mulch, crunching beneath your boots as you walked and breathed in the fresh air. You knelt down beside the pond and watched contently as the little orange and yellow fish glided through the water effortlessly.

“Had a feeling I’d find you here.” Marcus’s voice startled you and you whipped around in a knee-jerk reaction. 

Your heart rate slowed and you chuckled a little, “Yeah, couldn’t help it. It’s been a while since I got called here to help out with anything. Figured I’d better come to my favorite spots before I didn’t stop by for another few months.” 

Marcus sighed knowingly. He knew you weren’t called in for many missions and he was partially to blame for it. When Granada consulted him on which Heroics to bring in when the world was in peril, he always suggested other people first. Perhaps it was selfish of him but he was honestly just terrified of losing you. Especially after his wife’s death, he wasn’t sure if he could handle losing you as well. It wasn’t that he thought you were incompetent by any means, he was just genuinely scared for you and the idea of Miracle Man getting a good beating made him feel better than the idea of you taking one. 

“You know, you’re still a valued member of the team. Even if you’re not called in all the time.” Marcus tried to reassure you, walking beside you through the winding path of foliage. 

You shrugged, “I guess. I know my powers aren’t as cool or useful as some of everyone else’s. I mean, Miracle Man can fly. Tech-no can build almost anything. Lavagirl can literally control lava. You’re a freaking magnet!” 

You and Marcus both laughed when you called him that and he shook his head, “What are you talking about? You’re amazing! You can create physical projections of yourself! That’s pretty awesome.” 

You felt the blood rush to your cheeks at his compliment but still just shrugged again, “Yeah, but I can only really make them do separate tasks when I really focus on them which is hard to do in the heat of battle.” 

“Hey, you are talking down on one of my best friends and I really don’t appreciate it. You really are absolutely amazing, though, and everyone sees it.” Marcus stopped, hand coming to your shoulder to make you stop as well. A goofy little laugh followed his lame joke and you couldn’t help but feel the warmth blossom in your heart at his compliments. When you locked eyes with him, you were sure he could be the last thing you ever saw and you wouldn’t ask for anything more. 

That bit of doubt still crept up into your mind though, even though Marcus had a way of making you feel like you were the most important person in the world. You glanced away, avoiding his gaze, “If that were true, I’d be picked for more missions. Sharkboy and Lavagirl live on another planet and have a six-year old. I’m single, kid-less, and live twenty minutes away. They both manage to go on more missions each in a month than I do in a year.” 

Marcus’s face fell when you began to walk away again. He never would have thought that his attempts at keeping you safe would have had such an impact on your self-esteem as a hero. Marcus had seldom used his powers anymore, something he felt was unnecessary if he wasn’t actively working as a Heroic, but before he could help himself, his hand had flexed just enough to will the metal vambrace around your left forearm to pull towards him. 

Your eyes shot down to the way your arm was being pulled towards Marcus and then back up at the man in utter confusion as to why he wouldn’t let you walk away. The force wasn’t strong by any means but just strong enough to draw your attention.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized simply, unsure of what else to say. 

As far as you knew, none of what you had just said had been his fault. By the way he apologized, you could tell he wasn’t simply apologizing for the way you felt but it was like he was sorry for something that he’d done. “For what?” You asked, confused. 

Marcus let his grip on your protective vambrace go and you took a natural step towards him, bodies closer than you meant them to be but not making any effort to correct it. “It’s my fault you don’t get called on often.” He admitted, looking away guiltily. 

“What? How?” You asked, desperate to understand what he meant. He was the leader of the Heroics so you were sure that he had some say in who was called in but you had never thought to attribute your lack of action to him. 

“Granada has actually suggested that we bring you in for many missions throughout the years but… I’ve always been the one to suggest other people.” Marcus continued slowly and he could see the hurt in your eyes at his confession. 

Your mouth fell open a little, trying to hide the hurt in your eyes. Did he have any idea how long you’d been feeling undervalued? Less than? Treated like a little kid? “Why would you do that? Do you not think I’m good enough?” 

The look in your eye almost made Marcus regret ever coming clean to you. He had hoped that telling you Granada had requested your assistance multiple times would make you feel better. Instead, he should have seen how this would just make you feel worse. 

Your heart almost broke. You could handle Granada thinking you weren’t as good as everyone else. You could handle Miracle Man treating you like he was better than you (like he did to everyone). You could handle the mothering way Ms. Vox treated you and the way Tech-no treated you like a little sister. The one person whose opinion you valued the most had never outright treated you like you were less than. But now, it seemed that he’d thought you were all along. 

“No! That’s not what I meant at all! You are one of the best people on the team. I just-” 

“You just what?” You snapped more aggressively than you meant to, cutting him off before he could finish his sentence. 

Marcus closed his eyes and turned his face away from you, “I just couldn’t risk losing you.” His voice was calm and guilty, remorseful and scared. 

The venom in your chest began to subside at his confession and your voice softened, “You’re not gonna lose me, Marcus.” 

His eyes slid open at the safety of your calmer voice, feeling more able to face you now that he didn’t have to see the anger in your eyes anymore. He swallowed hard, deciding that it was too late to turn back now. “I never thought I’d lose my wife either but… I was scared of being wrong again and losing you too.” 

There was a pause while you tried to interpret what he meant by this last statement. He had always cared about you, that much had been clear, but you’d always assumed that it had been in a brotherly fashion. The way he looked at you now as he poured his heart out to you made you feel like there was a little more behind the words than you ever thought. 

“You don’t have to be scared.” Your voice was soft, almost a whisper, as you took another subconscious step closer to him. Marcus’s eyes glanced down at the mere inches between your shoes and his before raking up your body and finally meeting your eyes.

“There’s more than you know.” He admitted quietly, his voice low and raspy. His eyes searched yours, terrified that this was the last time he’d ever see those beautiful eyes looking at him in this same way. He was about to cross a line that he couldn’t come back from but something about today made him feel like he couldn’t go any longer with this secret in his heart. 

“Then enlighten me.” 

His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, “I might lose you still if I do.” 

“Then it sounds like you have a decision to make.” You responded, anxiety rising as you looked at him with a straight face. You hadn’t meant to sound so blunt but he couldn’t say something like that and not expect your brain to linger to the worst possibilities. What could be so bad that he was convinced it would ruin your friendship? Was he kicking you off the team? Were you being reassigned to somewhere else in the world? Was about to insist you go back to training? Was he moving? The sudden flood of doomsday-level thoughts concerning your friendship made you vaguely annoyed that he would lead you on with a comment like ‘there’s more than you know’ and then continue to beat around the bush. 

“I think I love you, Y/N.” He blurted out, suddenly feeling a massive weight lifted off his chest. That weight was quickly replaced by a bubbling sense of insecurity when your mouth fell open in a state of disbelief. 

“Y-you what?” 

Marcus’s heart was caught in his throat and his breath hitched, unable to make it past the lump. His nightmare was coming true. This was a mistake. “I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-. This was a mistake.” 

“Wait!” You reached out to place a hand on his bicep when he turned to leave. He stopped and turned back to face you, hurt evident in his eyes, “Don’t leave.” 

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just- I’ve had feelings for you for a while now and I didn’t want to come off as the creepy old guy.” He began to ramble uncharacteristically, the typically smooth under pressure superhero reduced to a panicked lovestruck boy. 

You put a hand over his mouth and looked straight into his eyes, “I love you too.” 

Beneath your palm, his jaw went slack. Slowly, you removed it, biting your lip with a small nervous smile as you waited for him to respond. “You do?” 

You nodded shyly, never thinking that your dirty little secret would ever come to light. “I’ve had a stupid little puppy love crush on you since I was seventeen but I’ve been in love with you since I started college. I was always just worried you’d only ever see me as a little girl.” 

Marcus’s hands nervously came to rest on your hips as he stared down at you in disbelief. He shook his head, “You’re an amazing woman, Y/N. One that’s impossible not to fall in love with.” 

Your hand came up to his cheek, the stubble scratching your skin lightly, “And you’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met. One that’s impossible not to love.” You mimicked his sentiment back to him with pure genuine intent. 

His hand came to cover yours, pressing his face further against your skin, pulling you closer to him by your hip. It was an innocent move, one of a man desperate to finally experience what he’d been keeping bottled up as a deep secret for the last two years. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” He asked, obviously referring to the thirteen year age gap between the two of you, “I don’t want to take advantage of you.” 

“I know that I’m younger than you but I’m not a naive child. You’re not taking advantage of me at all. Believe it or not, I am absolutely and irrevocably in love with you. If you want me, I would love nothing more than to be with you.” This was it: your all or nothing, all cards on the table, point of no return. The words you only told Marcus in your dreams were spoken and unable to be taken back. 

 His deep brown eyes flicked to your lips and then back to your eyes, his intention clear and awaiting any sign of hesitation, to which he found none. You leaned up on your toes but he finished closing the gap between the two of you, your lips touching in a gentle experimental kiss. His lips were soft in stark contrast to the stubble that scratched your skin. At this close proximity, you could finally breathe him in and it exceeded all expectations. He smelled clean, like freshly washed laundry, but with a hint of what you could only place as men’s body wash. 

Marcus felt the way your body melted into his touch. Your skin was soft as silk against his, your lips like pillows he wanted to stay in forever. Your perfume danced around him, engulfing his senses and rendering him incapable of thinking of anything but you. Finally, he pulled away, resting his forehead against yours. Your lids slid open only to see him already admiring you. 

“There’s nothing I would love more.” Marcus repeated. Two and a half years ago, he never could have imagined he would ever love again. Two hours ago, he never would have imagined that you could have possibly loved him back. But here you were, gazing up at him in a way he only let himself think about when he was alone, wrapped in his arms the way he dreamt about, saying the words he’d felt guilty for fantasizing about hearing from you for so long. 

[anicegaykid]

who dis?

#firstpost seems more daunting than it needs to be. Got myself all creative blocked up so here is a little diddy to get to know me better.. 

Are you named after anyone?

I am actually named after Jessica Wakefield from Sweet Valley High

When was the last time you cried?

tbh, I tend to flip from emotionless to SUPER emotional like 0-60. Sometimes no response, sometimes (like this afternoon) I see a beautiful pond surrounded in nature, being natural and beautiful, water sparkling in the sunshine and the tears just roll.

Do you have kids? If no, how many do you want?

No kids atm, but a couple kiddos would be nice in the near future

If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself?

..like.. what.. ? am I just like a duplicate of me? Like am I the same person I am now and would I be friends with someone JUST like me? Or am I someone else? Who am I? Like, I enjoy spending time on my own? 

Bottom line, I like me. 

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

100%

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

eyes, smile, lips, face bone structure

What is your eye color?

blue, sometimes they get a little grey

Scary movie or happy endings?

BOTH. 

Favorite smells?

Citrus, patchouli, cut grass, peaches and strawberries

Do you have any special talents?

Talents include: fantastic with horses, very good dog mom, I can cook frozen pizzas to perfection -- if I don’t get distracted, designing queer tees, i can roll a pretty decent j, solid problem solver, got some wit and can be funny. 

Where were you born?

Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, Canada

What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in it?

Leo; I mean it IS surprisingly accurate like all the time. 

What are your hobbies?

I am kind of in between hobbies right now.. I dabble in some things. I go to the gym like more than average, but I would like to go more - said everyone ever. I’d like to hike more, camp more, build more things out of pallets, you know.. the usual

Do you have any siblings?

I have a 21 year old brother and a 14 year old sister.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Life is pretty great tbh, I’d like to continue being happy with my little fam

Who was your first best friend?

My first best friend would have to be my cousin, Brittany. Like a sister.

How tall are you?

5′6″

What is the least favourite thing about yourself?

I wish I was a lot better at expressing how I feel. 

Things that still bother me - my wife and I had a discussion about proposals and who would ask who. We landed on me asking her, which I did and am SO happy about, but the reason behind it being that I am so poor at expressing emotions that she was afraid it would affect her confidence in my response. 

For a first TMI moment of the blog, I have so much anxiety in my ability to express myself that I can’t even manage to make any “noise” during sex. Doesn’t even matter that I am my most comfortable self with her, STILL struggle. A work in progress for me I guess. 

Funniest moment throughout School?

There was a time when we were at a beach party when I was 17, the RCMP showed up to break it up and snag any and all intoxicated minors they could. The tide had recently come in, but where we were was a little dip in the side of the cliff so the path back to the road was water-covered. So someone peeks around the cliff to see the two Mounties wading through the water. This party crew are country-folk and are 100% ready for this situation with a wooden ladder that leads up the side of the cliff into a field close to where all the vehicles are parked. As party-goers are running through the field to cars, someone shouts, “PIT PARTY” and everyone heads towards the local Pit. Along the way someone with a truck steals a round bale from a field and uses it to create the BIGGEST bonfire I’ve ever seen. 

How many countries have you visited?

like ~10

What was your favourite/worst subject in High School?

I struggled with math but funny enough my career path has led me to a life in the casino so I do math daily and enjoy it very much!

My favourite courses in High School were Conservation and Agricultural Science. 

What is your Favourite drink? Animal? Perfume?

Coke Zero Cherry

Horse

Karma by Lush

What would you (or have you) name your children?

I really like Posy, Daisy, Freddie and Loren

What Sports do you play/Have you played?

I used to Figure Skate, Horseback Ride, Ringette

Who are some of your favourite YouTubers?

I’ve always been a Grace Helbig, Mamrie Hart, Hannah Hart fan

I like Phil DeFranco for news, Pewds for some lulz, love me some Tyler Oakley, Whitney Simmons and Chloe Ting to work the booty, Vox for learning, FunForLouis has some BEAUTIFUL imagery and plays to the traveler side of me and I recently discovered Will Smith’s channel and cannot get enough!

How many Girlfriends/Boyfriends have you had?

I have had an unsettling amount of bfs for a lesbian, but 2 of them really stand out as being genuinely decent guys and I would still hang out with, platonically, to this day.

I have had a grand total of 4 gfs, I married the fourth bc I got LUCKY AS HECK!

Favourite memory from childhood?

The day I got my first puppy.

One time I was gifted a horse for Christmas bc my Dad felt so bad that I had to have my first pony put down earlier that year. 

I also was old enough to remember both my siblings being born!

How would you describe your fashion sense?

tom boy hyper femme 

What phone do you have? (iOS v Android?)

iPhone6s

Tell us one of your bad habits!

I bite my nails and chew my cuticles

3 things that upset you?

inequality

excessive force

did I say inequality?

3 things that make you happy?

Olivia

My animals

family

How is your relationship with parents?

My Mom is one of my best friends in this world! My Dad is an odd case, he struggles with my sexuality, I understand that it is because of where and when he grew up, he is never outwardly rude or mean to me, he’s a quiet country guy, he was at our wedding, he gave me away with my Mom, he’s kind to Olivia, he’s kind to me, he doesn’t understand but recognizes that it is real. I love my Dad, I really do. I’m proud of my Mom for educating him and ensuring that he is present and polite. I get frustrated from time to time and I have cried a lot of tears about it. Our relationship can be strange but at the same time hasn’t changed. He’s been a great Dad and he’ll be a fantastic Grampy. I have to check myself because there are people who are much worse off than me. I get jealous of Olivia sometimes because her Dad is so sweet to her and treats me like a daughter so easily, but my Dad has never been the soft spoken lovey type. We’ve hugged twice in my life. One of them was when I was leaving for England with a one way ticket and no foreseeable return plans and one was when he was jokingly blocking my path and I used it as a disarming mechanism to scoot through. 

What’s on your mind?

All I can think about today is the fact that I became an aunt at 5AM this morning and I’m going to see his later this afternoon. I SO excited!

What’s your talent?

troubleshooting queen.

naturally creative to my own surprise.

One word that describes you?

patient

What’s your favourite quotes?

No Pride for some of us without liberation for all of us . Marsha P Johnson

We way too fly to partake in all this hate, we out here vibin’ . Ariana Grande

Any pets?

4 dogs:

Finnley - Great PyreneesXAustralian Shepard

Effie - Border CollieX

Shiro - DacshundXMiniature Australian Shepard

Moose - Great PyreneesXFinnley

2 Cats:

Priya - long haired tabby, kinda sorta Ragdoll’esque

Punkin - short haired orange tabby with a poofy tail

2 Beta Fishies:

King Push & Todd

What is the farthest you’ve been from home?

I lived in England for 2 years & travelled Europe for a month

Are you an extrovert or introvert?

I think TECHNICALLY an introvert?  I can be v extroverted but I really need time to recharge. Recharging for me is being home with my comforts. My wifey, doggos, snacks and Netflix.

Are you left or right handed?

Right hander

Do you consider yourself a good cook?

Like.. sort of? I don’t cook much but when I do I always surprise myself with how well I do lol

Does your name have a special meaning?

It means my Mother was 18 when she had me and REALLY liked Sweet Valley High

If money were no object what would you get for your next birthday?

2 weeks away from home/work, road trip to Halifax for the fertility clinic, get started on a baby and then fly off to one of those tropical cabins on the water. 

If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

I would love to have a few homes! A winter getaway BC. A condo in Halifax, NS and a cute little hobby farm here in PEI in some rolling hills somewhere in between Kensington and Charlottetown. 

What’s your favourite thing to have for breakfast?

I love chocolate chip waffles/pancakes, French style pastry breakfast, and when I’m feeling fab, some eggs benny on smoked salmon with a couple mimosas on the side. 

What’s your favourite gadget?

I just got a Fitbit so thats been pretty exciting, aside from that, my phone is on me at like all times. 

What’s your longest relationship so far?

My current one. We’re about to hit 4 years together, married for a little over a month. 

[o0o-chibaken-o0o]

heya:) do you by any chance have any party game fics (idk, truth or dare, fuck marry kill, spin the bottle, never have i ever...) that aren't "starts with a spin" and "right hand red" or "'check this hand 'cause i'm marvellous" because, obviously, those are classics! but i've been craving fics like these and your recs are always AWESOME, so if you have some, that would make my day! ♥♥♥ fucking love your blog btw

DO I KNOW ANY PARTY GAME FICS?? DO I??

(spoiler alert: the answer is fuck yes I have a ton of them, this is one of my all-time favorite tropes!)

Drarry & Party Games Fic Recs

Starts With A Spin by Maxine (120K)- It started with the spin of a bottle, and now Harry and Draco have gotten themselves so far into their own game there’s almost no way out again. Except to keep playing.You can’t tell me not to include the most quintessential party games fic ever on my party games rec list! Much like Drarry’s relationship, this fic starts with a game of spin the bottle and then develops over a series of fucking amazing funny REALISTIC teenage drinking games. And there’s a real, developed plot too! Oh, and smut. Don’t forget the smut. Perfection!!

Right Hand Red by lumosed_quill (73K)- Harry felt Malfoy’s breath on his lips as they came together over the bottle, hands firmly planted on the floor as though they each needed their familiar soil, refusing to cross into enemy territory. Except that Malfoy no longer felt like his enemy. Malfoy felt inevitable.I challenge you to find one person who has read this fic and not loved it to death. Like Starts With A Spin, there are tons of fun games that bring our boys together, but unlike Starts With A Spin, they are into each other from the beginning and it is a sweet lovely romance and MY FAVORITE THING is Harry teaching Draco to cast a Patronus.

check this hand ‘cause I’m marvelous by lumosed_quill (8K)- Harry’s had a crush on Malfoy for months now. But it will take a bar full of his friends, some Firewhisky, wagers made on his behalf, and Malfoy himself to get him to act on it.You know, on my own I probably wouldn’t have thought to include this one for party games because they’re at a bar, but they’re playing DARTS so it TOTALLY FITS and I’m so glad you mentioned it. Draco is a sexy fucking bastard here. Sexy. Fucking. Bastard. Do you like sexy Draco? READ IT.

How to Handle an Enemy by who_la_hoop (7.5K)- Everyone knows that it’s no fun playing truth or dare with a Slytherin. But add a little Veritaserum, a scheming duo of Slytherin girls and surprising things can be revealed. Particularly about the fine line between love and hate…I fucking ADORE this fic!! It (and its equally-amazing-but-lacking-party-games-sequel Turnabout is Fair Play) is one of the hottest things I’ve ever read. The Slytherins play veritaserum Truth or Dare and then– ENTER THEIR SURPRISE PARTY GUEST: THE BOY WHO IS THE OBJECT OF DRACO’S LUST. And there’s WANKING PUBLIC WANKING. 

Spin the Wand by WrittenSins (3K)- In the spirit of inter-house unity, the eighth years have a small party. In an attempt to get Harry and Ginny back together, Hermione and Ron come up with the plan of a rigged game of Spin the Wand, but not all goes as planned. Excerpt: “The idea was simple: A game of spin the bottle, but instead of a bottle, a toy wand, and instead of a game of chance, Hermione had spelled the wand to land on whoever the spinner most desired to kiss.”One of those fics where the summary says it all- and you’re probably already reading the fic, not sticking around to hear me babble about how cute it is XD

Silk Scarves and Enchanted Handcuffs by TommyLane (28.5K)- It was only supposed to be for seven minutes and then the blindfold would come off and he’d be free from the dark cupboard and his mystery partner - only Harry was no longer sure he wanted it to end.This fic is brilliant. It’s pretty much just one long party with one long game in which Harry and Draco are blindfolded and shoved into a cupboard together and then subsequently handcuffed. YEAH. And Harry is like “WHO IS THIS HOT PIECE OF ARSE I’M KISSING I WANT TO DO THIS FOREVER” and then he’s like “OH IT WAS MALFOY….STILL WANT TO DO IT FOREVER.” Mhmm. Yep.

Teach Me by lauren3210 (3K) “I’ve decided to help you out,” Draco had said earlier that evening, plonking himself down on the sofa next to Potter.Draco benevolently offers to teach Harry to play poker. And then he not-so-benevolently draws him into a private game of strip poker ;)

One Night at the Leaky by birdsofshore (12.5K)- Harry should have known better than to accept a drunken dare. Especially when Malfoy was sitting right there, looking like that and wearing those bloody tight trousers.What’s better than eighth year truth or dare? ADULT truth or dare. Especially amazing funny lovely adult truth or dare in which Harry tries to win a date with Draco Malfoy

Games Night by @agentmoppet​ (7K)- Harry has no idea why Hermione decided that an inter-house Games Night would be a good idea, but he’s here now, and he intends to beat Malfoy, no matter what game he chooses. But, who would have thought muggle games could be full of so much… tension?Aaaah Harry and Draco being super competitive playing various muggle games

Trick or Treat by amorette (9.5K)- Harry had no idea that he was such a fetishist - a fact which he discovers on Halloween.This fic has so many good things- Draco loses a bet and has to wear a girl’s uniform to the Halloween party. Harry is distracted and jealous all night. A game of “trick or treat.” And kinky kinky, very hot smut. 

The Lovers’ Circle by nicevenn (13.5K)- Tired of feeling alone, Harry agrees to play a matchmaking game with the other eighth years. It’s just a game, after all. What harm could it do?AAAH these tarot cards match up Harry and Draco because they’re compatible af, but they refuse to do the task (THE AMAZING TASK) they are given, so Harry and Draco have to endure a curse! And by curse I mean they’re bonded in an incredibly creative and helpful way. FLUFF and CHRISTMAS

Corruptela Vox by Constant Vigilance (5.5K)- Draco’s kink is revealed. Pretty much a PWP. Parselsmut Parselsmut Parselsmut. With a side of truth or dare, embarrassment, and some fluff.

Never Have I Ever by faithwood (0.5K)- Hogwarts students play the “Never have I ever” game.Can a fic be a classic if it’s only 690 words long? APPARENTLY SO because this is required reading and it’s perfect. 

Restraint by @fleetofshippyships (153.5K)- Someone casts the Imperius curse on Draco Malfoy, and whatever the instructions may be, Harry finds himself an unwilling target. The encounter leaves him torn between pleasure and revulsion. As they fight in the aftermath, a tense game begins. Harry fights to convince Malfoy, and himself, that he was not affected by that initial encounter, or any of those following it. Faced with a series of escalating encounters, Harry must come to terms with desiring things he never thought he could, things he wishes he didn’t respond to. They each use signs of arousal as weapons against each other in a mad struggle to finally shame the other into backing down for good. But it’s only after the game is over that Harry starts to understand.So as you can probably guess, there’s quite a bit of angst in this fic, but the development of their relationship reads really realistically, and if you’re into the enemies-to-reluctant-lovers trope (aren’t we all?!) then you will absolutely enjoy this blessedly LONG fic, which features plenty of games to out Harry and Draco to their friends ;) (warning for brief but detailed Harry/George)

Bond, Shag, or Crucio by catsintheattic (5K)- I hope you all realise how asinine this situation is,“ says Draco as he looks down his nose at the assembled party.Just a short little fic in which the Slytherins and Gryffindors join together for a revealing game of the wizard equivalent for fuck, marry, kill ;)

Seven Minutes in the Garden of Wizarding Delights by Zahra (3K)- Draco Malfoy is resolutely heterosexual; Pansy Parkinson will attest to this. So will Queenie Greengrass, Orla Quirke, Eloise Midgen, and if pressed, Blaise Zabini.There is Seven Minutes in Heaven and Draco is in MAJOR denial and his inner monologue is hilarious. 

Reigning Champ by LadySlytherin (14K)- If there’s one thing every Slytherin loves, it’s a good game. Too Hot was played at every party Slytherin House had hosted for years, and Draco had won every round since the first time he played. Pride in his title as Champion was to be expected. Stating it like a challenge in front of the returning Eighth-Year Gryffindors? Not Draco’s brightest move, to be sure. Combine the challenge with mistletoe, feminine wiles and secret plots, Ron Weasley’s temper, and an unexpected connection with a Dragonologist and Draco’s Christmas just got a whole lot more complicated!I’ve never seen a game quite like this before- the first person to touch the other during a kiss loses. And Draco thinks he’s so cool and invincible but he’s NOT because when it comes to Harry he just can’t restrain himself! As you may imagine, it features lots of non-HD kisses for game purposes, but also be warned that Draco goes on a date with Charlie. Endgame 100% Drarry though!

Veritaserum Truth or Dare by ElectricBlueLilies (2K)- The returning eighth years bond over a game of Truth or Dare.Short, adorable, easy fluff

You Already Know What’s Next by silverdawn89 (14.5K)- It’s about Truth or Dare, except it’s not really about Truth or Dare at all. Or: there is alcohol and a bunch of twenty-somethings play embarrassing party games.Harry is Draco’s neighbor, and he is very LOUD and ANNOYING until Draco is finally invited to one of his parties and it has to be a prank only it’s not

Lockdown by Vorabiza (35K)- Four Gryffindors and four Slytherins under a forced lockdown in the potions classroom for two days.A lot of Harry being a confident, sexy bastard who’s done everything you could ever think to mention in a game of Never Have I Ever. Also some exhibitionism for good measure :P

[crtranscript]

Talks Machina: In the Dark - March 28, 2017

MARISHA: You got this buddy.

BRIAN: We're back. Talks Machina in the Dark.

OFFSCREEN VOICE: No!

MATT: [laughing] "No!"

[all laughing]

BRIAN: Talks Machina... After Dark.

MARISHA: Yes!

BRIAN: Yeah!

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: There we go.

BRIAN: Well, we have questions from the Alpha chat, which we take for this portion of the show.

MATT: Hi, Alpha chat!

MARISHA: [in a lispy voice] Hi, Alpha chat!

BRIAN: We have questions for Matt and Marisha and for Fan Friction Film, sometimes Films.

CAIT (VEX): Sometimes, but only sometimes.

BRIAN: Up first. Question for Marisha. What's it like seeing cosplays of Keyleth compared to how you view her in your head.

MARISHA: I love every single one. One of my favorite things about, like, seeing all the Keyleth cosplays is seeing each person's interpretation of her. It's the same way that I feel about like the fan art as well 'cause they're all our own mind-canons... head-canons... I like mind-canons.

BRIAN: Last week you said "future-thinky."

MATT: Mind Cannon is, I think, a level six ability.

MARISHA: Future thinky!

BRIAN: Last week she said--she was like, "It's good to be future-thinky."

MATT: [talking quietly about "Mind Cannons"]

BRIAN: Yeah, those Mind Cannons? Yeah. More powerful than a Firebolt.

MATT: Yeah. Well, that's kind of what's cool about, y'know, shows like this, because, y'know, while Kit did the official designs--"official"--it's open to such interpretation because each character is by everyone's imagination. It's all just a narrative thing, so everyone has their own idea--their own creation of what they interpret--

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: --and that is kind of why it's so amazing to see people in many ways do a better job, y'know, illustrating or showing things that I imagine in my head.

MARISHA: And we dressed as our characters for the opening title sequence--

MATT: Right.

MARISHA: --so we know how difficult and uncomfortable this shit is.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: So every time we see someone we're like, "Damn!"

MATT: I feel you.

MARISHA: Yeah, like this? [gestures to the FFF group] Yeah, we feel you.

CAIT (VEX): Well, and like--

BRIAN: Brandon got here three weeks ago to start putting on makeup.

MARISHA: I know, right! Basically.

CAIT (VEX): Every time you guys add something to the character, like, in canon, like every time they get a new, like, item--

BRIAN: Or a vestige, or yeah.

CAIT (VEX): Yeah, something happens. It's cool as a cosplayer to A) have some creative freedom to do, like, maybe you've wanted to build something that looks like this but you haven't had, like, a reason to do it before or, like, B) to continue to be able to, like, add and evolve a costume. Like, you're never--you're never really done with it.

[general agreement]

CAIT (VEX): And it's also nice too that there's no, like, true, like, canon-canon-canon version of this because cosplay can--it can get kind of competitive sometimes. People, like--

MARISHA: Want the screen-accurate--

CAIT (VEX): --want--yeah, they want the screen accurate--

MARISHA: Yeah.

CAIT (VEX): --or they want--they want to be the best or whatever--

MARISHA: Right.

CAIT (VEX): --and with this, that's--that's gone, it's eliminated! You can just celebrate the fact that you and somebody else both like the same character enough to make the same costume and that's super cool.

BRIAN: That's awesome.

MARISHA: That's an interesting point that I never thought of, that this is like a weird cosplay where you can actually like level it up with us, which is kinda sick! That's amazing!

CAIT (VEX): If you have Cabal's Ruin--

JULIE (PERCY): I have Cabal's Ruin--

CAIT (VEX): --in the Green Room I think?

MATT: That's awesome!

CAIT (VEX): Yeah!

MARISHA: But yeah, I was just telling Elizabeth [Keyleth cosplayer] before the show I loved the gradient butterflies--

[Elizabeth stands up to show the butterflies off. Somebody wolf-whistles.]

BRIAN: Oh yeah, that is--

MARISHA: --that she did.

BRIAN: --so crazy.

MATT: That's badass.

MARISHA: Which I noticed and like--yeah.

CAIT (VEX): Hey girl.

MARISHA: Yeah. Which I saw that in the music video--

BRIAN: How come when I do that, people get mad?

MARISHA: --and was like "That's so rad!"

ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): You don't have butterflies.

MATT: It's true.

MARISHA: You're jealous of the butterflies.

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Get your own butterflies.

MATT: Hashtag: GetBrianHisButterflies.

[laughing]

MATT: That's a thing now.

BRIAN: Here we go. Guys, Matt, what about--this is from Svedwar [user]--

MATT: Svedwar!

BRIAN: What about Freddy and Greg made you break so hard?

[laughing]

MATT: It's--it's hard to explain. When you're so into a moment, especially like the mood-setting of the Hells and like the intensity of a negotiation--really, the first party's negotiation with any sort of devilish entity--in a space that is so dangerous and so out of what they're used to dealing with, I--I was so, like, steeped in that moment and it was less...The Freddy was fine, it was more the...

BRIAN: Greg.

MARISHA: Greg.

MATT: In a way that only Travis can do it, which was like, "It's still practically your name, dude, you just fucked up your O a little bit." And his matter-of-fact Travis way of saying it--

BRIAN: Uh-huh.

MATT: It just... it was a left hook and I just couldn't. Couldn't recover.

BRIAN: Yeah. When you don't see the process happen in his mind, 'cause it just comes out so fast--

MATT: Yeah.

BRIAN: --it just gets you off-guard. Travis has pulled a few of those. Remember on the Critmas episode when he was reading the cards and he said "Mine says 'Sam lied'"? I was dying.

MATT: Yeah!

BRIAN: It was so fast. San Friction--oh, what a great idea--Bean Princess 19: How about--any plans for a VM/Hamilton cross-over music video?

[general oohing]

CAIT (VEX): Y'know, I suggested this--

BRIAN: You did?!

CAIT (VEX): --when we were--yeah--when we were looking for a song for this--

BRIAN: Yeah!

CAIT (VEX): --because we--we had the idea to do a video before we had the idea to use Critical Hit by No More Kings -- that's the name of the song in the video.

BUCKLE (VAX): Title drop!

CAIT (VEX): Ayy! Check them out! They're super-cool, really nice guys and really like very supportive of this whole thing.

BRIAN: Yeah!

CAIT (VEX): But before we had that song, we knew we wanted to do a video. We searched, seriously, collective group-effort searching, like fifteen hours going through Spotify and the internet, YouTube, reddit, whatever. And at one point I was like "What if we just used Hamilton?" And it was immediately shot down. They were just like "It's not gonna be funny." And I was like--

BRIAN: Oh, yeah?

BUCKLE (VAX): I didn't say that, I said--

BRIAN: Oh! Who shot it down, I wonder, hmm!

BUCKLE (VAX): I just outed myself again.

BRIAN: Oh no.

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Hiding in the closet with the cutting board.

[giggling laughter from everyone throughout]

BUCKLE (VAX): I said that Hamilton--I want a divorce.

BRIAN: Oh no! No, not on this show! Please save it 'til after! I get enough grief!

BUCKLE (VAX): We're not even married yet.

MATT: So get married...

BUCKLE (VAX): We're engaged!

MATT: Congratulations!

BRIAN: Congrats!

BUCKLE (VAX): Thank you!

MARISHA: Hey, engaged couples!

BRIAN: Yeah!

MATT: Yay!

[they high-five]

CAIT (VEX): Hey, we did it this time! I'm really proud.

MARISHA: We did it, yeah!

BUCKLE (VAX): See, practice works.

MARISHA: Engagement bros.

BRIAN: You don't have to say when it is, but have you picked out a date?

BUCKLE (VAX): What I said is that Hamilton was so much of a--

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Mid-October.

BUCKLE (VAX): Hamilton was so much of a phenomenon on--

MARISHA: Oh! October bros!

[all laughig]

BRIAN: Sorry.

MARISHA: Sorry, continue.

BUCKLE (VAX): Nobody cares about this anyway.

[all laughing]

BRIAN: What day?

MARISHA: What day? Do you have a day yet?

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): I don't think we've picked out a day yet, but it's not--it's not--

BUCKLE (VAX): November. We want fall.

MARISHA: Yeah.

CAIT (VEX): One of you said October, one of you said November.

BUCKLE (VAX): We've talked about this.

BRIAN: There'll be two weddings. One for her, one for h--yeah.

BUCKLE (VAX): Our relationship transcends pesky things like dates and numbers.

BRIAN: I respect that.

BUCKLE (VAX): We're not into that.

MATT: Esoteric dates.

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): I mean, we forgot about our anniversary this year, so clearly--

[all laughing]

BRIAN: "We" did? Or--

BUCKLE (VAX): Mom, Dad, we love each other--

BRIAN: --we did?

BUCKLE (VAX): --a lot, and--

BRIAN: If you both forget, it's fine.

DENISE-CC: [inaudible] Who gets the cutting board?

BRANDON (GROG): "Who gets the cutting board?"

BRIAN: "Who gets the cutting board?" Who said that? Denise?!

[all laughing]

CAIT (VEX): I'm keeping Denise.

BRIAN: Who gets the cutting board in the divorce?

[continued laughing]

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Well, it's relatively squarish, so I want the panhandle.

BRIAN: Oh my god.

CAIT (VEX): It looks like a knife, honestly, like a toothbrush.

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): It looks a little bit like a butcher's knife.

BRIAN: I'm sure we'll see it on Dateline at some point.

[laughing chatter]

BUCKLE (VAX): I'm sure we're not the only people who feel this way, but after ten years together, one day just seems arbitrary.

BRIAN: Yeah.

MATT: Totally.

MARISHA: Yeah.

BUCKLE (VAX): It--it--one day, no matter how fantastic, cannot hold a candle to a life together, y'know?

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Oh, that's poetic!

MARISHA: When Vox Machina talks about being family, this is what we mean.

[Marisha is gesticulating, brushing up against Matt’s mic, which he gently tries to guide her hand away from, eliciting laughter]

MARISHA: Sorry.

[more laughing]

MARISHA: Fuck your mic! [mimes elbow-dropping his mic]

MATT: Chat room is like, "Yaaagh, RIP ears! Back to episode two!”

BUCKLE (VAX): Now that we've made it really awkward and personal, what's the next question?

[all laughing]

MATT: No, that's awesome, thanks for sharing!

BRIAN: Next question is...how long have you guys been together?

[all laughing]

BUCKLE (VAX): Ten years!

CAIT (VEX): Approximately five minutes.

BRIAN: We're gonna systematically watch the end of a relationship.

CAIT (VEX): We met in the parking lot.

BRIAN: And we saved it for Alpha.

BUCKLE (VAX): Well, we met you [Cait] on Craigslist, so it's not out of the question.

CAIT (VEX): Technically, I met you on--or, no, you met me on Craig's List! You found me!

MATT: That's how we [Matt & Marisha] met!

[awwwww]

CAIT (VEX): They're my Craig's List roommates, which I feel like explains a lot.

BRIAN: That's how I got my job--that's how I got my job at Two Broke Girls, was on--

[laughing]

BRIAN: --Craigslist. You know how many broke girls are on the show now? I have a lot of trivia. There’s two.

[laughing]

MATT: God dammit, Brian.

BRIAN: Guys, are there any characters...are there any other characters--this is from Vex'ahlia--

CAIT (VEX): Heyyyy.

BRIAN: Hey, I don't know, I told you guys not to submit questions, please.

CAIT (VEX): Sorry.

BRIAN: Kidding. Are there any other characters from Critical Role you want to cosplay and if so, who?

[Ulthar starts reaching for the mic]

BRIAN: Scanlan is itching. Give him the mic, at once!

ULTHAR (SCANLAN): I have developed a very deep need--like, literally yesterday--to be Tiberius.

ULTHAR (SCANLAN): I'm going to figure this out. If I have to glue rhinestones to my skin...

MARISHA: With the horns and everything?

ULTHAR (SCANLAN): I'll need, like, foot-tall platform boots.

MARISHA: Yeah.

JULIE (PERCY): I believe in you.

BRIAN: Make sure you use glue that's skin-appropriate.

BRANDON (GROG): Out of context.

BRIAN: Yeah, yeah. Not like I did.

ULTHAR (SCANLAN): Hot glue. Entirely hot glue.

CAIT (VEX): You wanna just pass it along?

BRIAN: Yeah, are there any NPCs or anyobody else?

JULIE (PERCY): I actually cosplayed Vax. That was actually the first one that I did, for the Halloween contest.

MATT: Yeah, yeah, yeah!

MARISHA: Oh, rad!

JULIE (PERCY): So that was really fun. I don't know. It's a joke among my friends and I that we all, like, plan to cosplay all of Vox Machina at one point.

[laughing]

JULIE (PERCY): Like, each and every character.

BRIAN: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

JULIE (PERCY): And it's fun.

BRANDON (GROG): I'm pretty dedicated to Grog.

[general chatter]

DENISE-CC: I will be Vex'ahlia for WonderCon in the masquerade with my Grog.

[cheering]

ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): That's awesome!

BRIAN: That's awesome. Elizabeth?

ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): I have a cosplay habit of looking at the tallest, most masculine manly-man in anything and being like, "I wanna be that one, but a girl!" And, as I started listening to CritRole, I was making Keyleth, but I was making eyes at Grog going, "I really, really wanna be Grog."

MARISHA: Dude, oh, do it!

MATT: FemGrog!?

ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): I wanna be FemGrog!

MATT: That would be amazing!

ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): So I want to go from tiny, tiny slim druid to like--

MARISHA: To buff Grog.

ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): To buff Grog

MARISHA: Barbarian, man.

MATT: Do it. Do it.

ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): So yeah, maybe one day.

MARISHA: I appreciate that.

BRIAN: [reacting to a question in Alpha] Is this true?!

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Is what true?

BRIAN: Sorry.

MATT: Continue.

BRIAN: Continue. I saw a provocative question come through, I'm scared now.

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): I mean, Pike was always sort of my one-and-done. I am Pike, she is me. But if I had to, probably Doty.

[general cheering]

BRIAN: I would love to see that.

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Would you put on a fake beard for me?

BUCKLE (VAX): Well now I have to, for Taryon, because I love me a beard.

MATT: You could just go gem shopping. All the gems.

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Oh man. That's what I love. I love rhinestones.

BRIAN: Go to the goatee store.

BUCKLE (VAX): Ever since the first mention of Percy when I started watching, I pictured this fabulous, like, regency coat, like very tailored with the puffy top and cravats. Not a lot of like--a lot of fanart people do is really great, but it's more fantasy and I--I'm really interested in doing a super-historical, minimalist kind of Percy.

[ooooh]

BUCKLE (VAX): So, I have my designs drawn up and I'm gonna start pretty soon, so.

MARISHA: Oh my gosh, yes.

BRIAN: That is so cool.

CAIT (VEX): And I am cosplaying Vex 'cause she is the character I probably relate to the most, but Percy is my fave and if I thought for a second I could pass, I would have been--I would have been Percy, hands down. But I like looked at my face in the mirror and was like "Mmm, I don't know."

MATT: Oh, that shouldn't stop you.

BRIAN: I do that every day.

[laughing]

CAIT (VEX): No, so, I was--I was like, I think--I think I'm just gonna--I'm just gonna be Vex. Maybe I'll do Percy at some point.

BRIAN: Yeah.

MARISHA: Do it.

BUCKLE (VAX): Everybody's Percy.

CAIT (VEX): Everybody's Percy--that's our next video, we're all Percy.

BRIAN: That would be amazing.

CAIT (VEX): No Mercy Percy, yeah.

BRIAN: Taliesin would be happier than I can say on this program.

[background chatter]

BUCKLE (VAX): ...you can have a lot of copies of the same character and it's fine.

MATT: Yeah.

BRIAN: Yeah!

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Yeah, Buckle, it's called Caiter (?) Double.

[laughing]

MATT: It's called, someone cast Seeming.

BRIAN: Oh yeah!

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): We could do the Seeming where they're only Vex and Vax!

CAIT (VEX): We should do all Vex and Vax! Next video!

[general enthusiasm and agreement]

CAIT (VEX): We've already got multiple Vaxes and multiple Vexes--

MATT: This is amazing.

BRIAN: You're not coming on this show with everyone dressed as Vex and Vax because I will not be able to speak.

[laughing]

BRIAN: I won't be able to get the thing--

CAIT (VEX): We're just gonna break in here--

BRIAN: Please!

CAIT (VEX): --all dressed as Vex and Vax.

MATT: I love it.

BRIAN: How do you think Denise got this job? Guys, someone tell me if this is true. TBoyz [user] tells me: how do you guys feel about the fact that there's a Krogan named Strongjaw Grog in Mass Effect--

MATT: Yes!

BRIAN: --Andromeda.

MATT: That is true, apparently.

MARISHA: Yeah.

BRIAN: Are you jealous that you didn't get an easter egg and how much money did Travis use to bribe EA?

MATT: That's a good question to ask Travis. I'm excited that there's any sort of Critical Role easter egg. We're discovering, as time goes on, at like cartoon recording sessions, video game sessions, general industry folk all over, people are into Critical Role in places you wouldn't expect and we have a lot of people that we're fans of that then conversely we found out are fans of the show and it's been a really cool kind of experience to run into these people and have these conversations. And so yeah, we've seen easter eggs like that starting to show up in mass media--

BRIAN: Yeah!

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: It just feels really cool.

MARISHA: We're, "Whaaaaaaat?"

MATT: Almost as cool as having a bunch of people dress up as your entire party.

ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): You said it a was "almost". It was "almost" as cool, so you're saying that we are cooler than Mass Effect: Andromeda?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah, that--that might be true.

ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): Oh, wow. We're gonna put that on our blogs now: Matt Mercer says we're cooler than Mass Effect.

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Cooler than Mass Effect: Andromeda.

[Buckle takes the mic away from Elizabeth]

BUCKLE (VAX): You cannot be trusted with this mic anymore.

[laughing]

CAIT (VEX): Oh, man, yeah that sound bite is never going away.

[laughing]

BRIAN: Yep, that's a lot of this show.

[laughing]

BRIAN: Us saying that to each other. Ask Taliesin. Let's see. Let's pick the last question of the night.

MARISHA: Last question!

BRIAN: If you--this is from Rose Artemis [user]--question for the cast. If you could have someone direct Vox Machina the movie, TV series, who would it be and why? And then you guys [FFF] can say if you have a favorite director or--

MATT: I would say David Milch.

BRIAN: Right?

MATT: Just because it would be ridiculous, filled with the right amount of curse words, and we could get Ian McShane to play everybody.

BRIAN: I know!

[Matt laughing]

MARISHA: That would be amazing.

BRIAN: Ian McShane as Thordak, Ian McShane as everyone. Victor?

MATT: I'd watch it. I don't care if anybody else would watch it, I just want to see it.

BRIAN: I'd watch it, absolutely.

MARISHA: I mean, me and like, y'know...y'know...I feel like maybe Joss Whedon--

BRIAN: Yeah.

MARISHA: --doing like full-on Avengers style, like... got a boner for Joss Whedon's writing shit.

MATT: Don't we all?

MARISHA: So... I mean, yeah.

MATT: Hashtag: MarishasWhedonBoner.

[giggling]

BRIAN: Use the hashtag...no, please guys.

MATT: Please don't do that.

MARISHA: That'd be rad.

MATT: Joss is a good choice because he has the good balance of like action, dramatic, and--

MARISHA: And humor.

MATT: --good humor and characterization.

BRIAN: David Fincher for me!

MARISHA: Ohhh!

[shuffling around]

BRIAN: Oh there's a gift!

CAIT (VEX): We actually have a gift for Matt.

BRIAN: Let's present it to him at once!

MARISHA: Oh boy!

BRIAN: Look at this!

MATT: What the heck?

BRIAN: It's my dick in a box.

MATT: That'd be impressive from over here.

CAIT (VEX): Merry Critmas.

MATT: Thank you guys.

[Matt opens it to reveal the mounted head of the Raishan pinata from the video.]

MATT: Whaaaaat!

BRIAN: What is it? What is it?!

MATT: Holy shit! So in the video, y'know they had the Raishan pinata?

[He pulls it out of the box]

BRIAN: Yeah. Oh, it's--is this the actual one?!

MATT: They mounted it.

BRIAN: Oh my god!

MARISHA: That's amazing!

MATT: That's so awesome! That's living on this set, guys. I hope you know what you've done.

[cheering]

BRIAN: Yeah, it is. Hell yeah, it is.

MARISHA: That's so good.

MATT: That's so good.

MARISHA: I can't believe you mounted it!

BUCKLE (VAX): It's like when your cat--

MATT: Oh shit, look at her eyes!

BUCKLE (VAX): --goes hunting and then it like lays rats on your porch for you.

[laughing]

MATT: It's so good!

BRIAN: That is great.

MATT: And you can totally see she's been Feebleminded.

BUCKLE (VAX): The eyes were very crooked--that's the fixed version.

[laughing]

MATT: That's beautiful.

BRIAN: Maybe we'll put it where that weird thing is.

MARISHA: Oh, that's true!

MATT: Yeah, we can do it.

MARISHA: Yeah, we can fill--for sure, that thing.

[Denise say something off-screen]

BRIAN: What?! We have to ask Denise first?

MARISHA: We have to ask Denise?!

BRIAN: Oh my god. That's all the time we have for tonight, folks. Thank you for watching Talks Machina After Dark. We will see you...at WonderCon, hopefully. We are gonna go off the air, but in ten minutes, AXYB starts at 9 back on Twitch--

[Someone talks off screen]

BRIAN: What?

OFFSCREEN VOICE: Yeah, ten minutes.

BRIAN: That's what I said. Why did you interrupt me?

[laughing]

BRIAN: She's getting--

[Denise making spaced-out nosies off-screen.]

BRIAN: --unhinged. She's become unhinged. The end is near, my friends. Denise will be roaming the streets like Jumanji. Thanks to everyone--

MATT: The video game?

BRIAN: The video game. Thank you guys so much for coming on and for dressing up and for doing this. Will you come back?

[all agreeing]

BUCKLE (VAX): We’re just down the street!

CAIT (VEX): Yeah, let us know, we're literally down the street.

BRIAN: Except for Julie! Julie flew in from Florida.

CAIT (VEX): Yeah, we'll fly her back out here.

BUCKLE (VAX): You're going to have to pry my sweaty ass of this couch.

CAIT (VEX): Aaaaand you've just lost mic privileges, too.

BRIAN: Nope, nope, we love you guys. Thank you! Thank you for coming on, Matt and Marisha. Forgot about you guys. It's so hard with this beautiful--

MATT: I know. We can't blame you.

BRIAN: --array of--

MARISHA: Yeah, no, we're here.

BRIAN: We love you guys. Thank you for watching. Go back to Twitch. Watch AXYB at 9. Thank you so much, we love you. We will see you Thursday for Critical Role.

[all cheering]

[anthonybialy]

Calculated Failure

Mental patients have the most detailed plans. Their grandiose machinations written on pilfered paper towels will turn cheese into edible plutonium. They also assure you the sheets are valid as currency. Paul Krugman and Vox stooges applaud like seals at the specifics.

Our regressive progressive friends routinely engage in calculator trickery, and not just getting it to spell naughty words when it's turned upside down. Numerical chicanery makes it seem like Washington will somehow be able to afford a clumsy plan to force compliance with shoddy results, as people couldn't just buy what they use like savages. Promises to cover expenses are as solid as their other economic mathematics, which they think is a compliment.

Massive spenders are quite snotty for people whose schemes fail so consistently. They're not quite learning from mistakes. Run Lola Run would have been less thrilling if the titular character didn't grasp how to improve. Every candidate hoping to replace Donald Trump has a flat character arc.

Sure, the nonstop money booth cash grab has made everyone poorer, and not just those whose bills were taken to fuel the contest. You can only nab so much currency flying around you. But the next bit of heavy subtraction will lead to prosperity. And just imagine the ensuing multiplication!

Liberated Americans would suddenly be free from having to buy things they use. Sure, subsidizing goods leads to dependency as the economy stalls, what with all the funds drained from legal mugging victims who aren't going to create fortunes to have stolen again. But isn't it comforting knowing that the equation balances except for both sides?

Asking for examples is as mean as having to show work. Earnest believers in the process promise they're about to find one time federal machinations to guide our lives by force worked out. Their madcap pronouncements are as hard to verify as their addition.

Professional liars like Elizabeth Warren don’t account for human behavior. Where is that button? There's only so much money made to confiscate, which you'd think would slow those proposing ceaseless entitlements. It's as if there's a disincentive to get back to work after the reward is thrown from helicopters.

Grandstanding statists who act as if there's only so much capital do everything they can to ensure that prophecy becomes self-fulfilling. Don't you want to toil for the collective's benefit? You're so selfish. Now give me what you have.

The super geniuses who graciously run your life on your behalf neglect to factor in how wealth would never exist in the first place if they got their punitive tax strategies. Paying for preposterous attempts to circumvent markets has many costs. Recasting human nature didn’t work for the commies, either, but their descendants are adjusting to the ancestors' stubborn insistence on recasting existence. The new generation developed hashtags.

It's too bad strange calculations aren't profitable. They're only so for grandstanding Democrats, who presume everyone else with a bit of cash is also a useless grifter exploiting actual production. The worst people make politics personal. Jealous railing distracts from cooking the books. It's only a crime when a private company does it, as those hives of greed not allowed to pass laws.

Money possessed by rich fiends has been pilfered, as there's no way a company would pay a person a lot if they make it even more. Presuming only a certain amount exists is the baseline for those who claim to have planned for everything. Sociology and journalism majors explain mathematics if you thought politics weren't funny enough.

Those who dream of mandatory happiness have never run a business before, and it shows. Here: let me do it right for you. NFL quarterbacks throw the ball all wrong because they stubbornly don't listen to my advice on mechanics through the television. Loudmouths who know just how businesses should operate don’t interact with reality, which is why they got into politics.

Those impressed by numerical chicanery have their minds blown by The Masked Singer. Please cheer for this super plan that would give everyone something totally free without asterisks.  If someone gripes about getting stiffed, we can charge those who diabolically profit of the mortal sin of providing goods and services.

Oppressed proles get revenge by taking everything labeled complimentary. Everyone benefits as long as money never stops flowing and we're entitled to it.

Painstakingly-crafted plans use up every toothpick and drop of Elmer's Glue in the house. Democrats account for everything except how humans dislike having what they’ve earned confiscated to fund the latest dim attempt to pretend we're entitled to a commodity. Nothing adds up. America goes broke with flashing 8s.

[throwawayaccountbcitsobviou-blog]

I hate K. Winters

Throw away account since it will be obvious why soon enough.   I just have to vent about this woman.  She is the fucking worst.  I’m going to be as vague as possible for obvious reasons.  You’ll know who I’m talking about, I’m sure, if you know who she is from online.

i hate her.  Why?  let me write you a book.

I actually had no idea she was on youtube until very recently, though it doesn’t shock me.  It’s what pushed me to write this.

1.)If she finds you on social media, she will stalk it to find anything she deems offensive.  No fucking joke.

 She will screen shot any and everything you say, if she thinks it’s offensive and send it to your supervisor.  

Had a guy get written up for making a joke about beating his girlfriend (he was referring to them playing a  video game, I thiiink it was SSB) it was an obvious joke about the fighting game, it had a screen shot of the game and everything.  I haven’t seen him recently so he may have been fired or quit.

2.) . She thinks she’s the boss of everyone regardless of where you are in the building.

Apparently, you have to have written permission slips from your supervisor if she sees you on your phone or smoking anywhere deemed a break area.  Had her ask my coworkers if they were on break and how long were they on break and does *** know they’re down there?  How about mind your business.

3.) She smells like a wet, moldy towel left on the bottom of the hamper.

Okay, this is a petty one but it really is that pungent.  I hate having to deal with her cause it’s a consistent thing. No one wants to deal with her because of it.  Also, she has old person farts that she has no issue ripping quietly while youre at her desk.  It’s like, I’m not stupid, I have a nose.  My Oma is 94 and lives on a diet of fish and aged  cheese and her odor is not as bad as that!

4.) . She treats cute, young ladies here badly

If youre young, attractive or flirty she will zero in on you.  She will make snarky comments about you.  Look down her nose like she’s somehow superior.  I realize it’s a bitter thing, she’s not exactly an attractive woman but there’s no need to shit talk just because you’re jealous of their looks.  Been a couple times I found myself stuck small talking with her where she only talks about *** and she’s just a dumb stereotype and how did she get this job etc etc..

5.) Two of my coworkers tried to convince her not to go to a party the company was having.

No one and I mean no one there likes her.  We had a party and two people I know tried to nudge her into not going.  She mentioned something else was on the same day and they tried to get her to go to that other thing.  We wanted just one party where her smelly ass didn’t cast judgmental looks or make back handed compliments to people.  WE ended up leaving soon after she showed up and headed to a pub.

6.) . She’s on her phone on social media all day, so shes’s basically being paid to play on her phone.

Every time I see her, her face is in her phone.  No, it’s not work.  Trust me on this.

7.) . She’ll talk with authority bout everything and if you prove her wrong or tell her she’s wrong she’ll never correct herself.

One of the very first conversations I had with her involved something I hold 2 degrees in and her zero.  Instead of admitting wrong, she still acted like I had no idea what I was talking about, pretended like she was getting a phone call on her cell and excused herself.  I knew I didn’t like her after that.

8.) . She thinks since she has a DR. in front of her name, you are below her and clearly she is the superior one.

I’ve lost track of the number of times she’d talk with authority about a law or something in the news that’s completely false, but always doubles down.  Bonus points if she tells you VOX is a reputable news outlet.  Bitch, you’re a doctor you should know better.

9.) She’s been caught stealing food from the fridge.

I heard this second hand, so it may not be true but given her size, I wouldn’t be surprised.

10.) . Speaking of food, her diet is awful.

Yes, she’s one of those people that brings in smelly foods that stink up a whole floor/wing/department.  Unhealthy shit to boot, yet still sneers at the thin lady eating a salad minding her own business.

11.) . She talks to parents about her dog in *that way*

raising a kid and owning a puppers isn’t the same thing.  Stop acting like it is.

12.) . She ‘corrected’ a coworker who is an ex-muslim about his own personal experience.

I don’t know how the topic came up (I wasn’t there), but they were talking about Islam and he expressed he left the faith for some reasons and was tired/scared  of his extremist family and that’s why he moved to this country.  She interrupted him multiple times to correct him with ‘not all muslim people are bad/extremists/religious nuts’ well, no shit not all muslims are that way, that’s just a stupid thing to think.  Why are you telling an ex-muslim man how he should think about his (old) religion?

13.) . Told a lesbian she doesn’t understand the struggles non-white LGBTQ youth go through.

Granted, I don’t think K knows she’s a lesbian or Spanish (she’s fair skinned and doesn’t really talk about it), but nothing like a white woman telling a Spanish lesbian about how she couldn’t know the struggles of poc lgbtq folks.

14.) Told a woman wearing a korean traditional dress on halloween was inappropriate.  (Heard from trustworthy coworker)

((Okay, so I have to preface this next one with this: This girl is Blue eyed and blonde....however, she is, in fact part Korean.  Her mother is a blue eyed, blonde haired and her father is half white/half Korean. (and before you ask, yes she is his child.  She looks exactly like him and even has his very distinctive eyebrows/eye brow ridge) Her grandmother, who is 100% Korean, sent her the dress for her Bday. She was excited and wanted to wear it, but waited until halloween so it wouldn’t be odd showing up in a very poof-y dress.))

the girl apparently cried in the bathroom because if it.  God forbid this girl not look like what K thinks a Korean lass should look like.

15.) . She will OBSESS over people.

If she hates you, if she likes you.  It’s insanity.  I overheard her talking to someone about this man who was bullying her online constantly and my thought was she more than likely started it. She does it all the time here, start something, the person defends themselves then suddenly she’s the victim.  Did a little research into her twitter and, yeah, she does that shit in person and online.  Go figure.

16.) She is literally the person who will go out of their way to be offended by everything.

If above doesn’t make that obvious enough.  She asked a coworker what his thoughts on Trump are, then immediately unloaded on him how awful the US president is, how he could dare not have the same opinion as her, then stomped off.  The guy just said he had no opinion on him since he’s not American and he doesn’t keep up with their politics. what a Nazi, amirite..

16.) She once claimed she spoke 3 languages.

When confronted by a native speaker, she back peddled and said she was still learning.  Why lie about that, especially here?  There’s literally people from all over the world here.  I hear languages from all over walking down the hall.

17.) She tries sooooo hard to be hip and cool.

She dresses twenty years younger than she should (I think she’s in her early 50′s, dresses like she’s 25) . Low cut shirts, which come on..if you’re top heavy and they drip down that low, at least wear a supportive bra.  It’s just uncomfortable for everyone involved and you know it.

She tries to show how cool she is by watching shows/talking young, then butting her way into conversations.  Look, I’m aware she is lonely and she only has like one actual friend this entire country, but just because you hear us talking about Rick and Morty or Rifftrax or the IT crowd doesn’t give you the okay to just shove your opinion into the conversation.  It’s rude and presumptuous that we’d want to talk to you.  I know this makes us sound like assholes, but she really is unbearable to be around sometimes.

18.) I think She picks her nose when no one can see her.

I happen to come around the corner with my sup, she was coming the other way.  The hallway was empty, so I guess she assumed it was safe to go mining.  My sup and I just looked at each other and kept walking.  She played it off like she was scratching her nose...she wasn’t.  That’s the action of someone who does that shit on the regular.

19.) . She talks down to and is condescending to everyone.

She treats a lot of people, even those who hold equal degrees to hers, like they’re lesser than her.  A super hot guy she does this to is also a doctor, but he went to a waaaay better college than her.  He’s nice to everyone, she doesn’t like him.  My buddy thinks she has the hots for him, but he is way out of her league, so she talks to him like he’s an idiot to make her feel better about herself.  I think it’s because the doctorate he holds isn’t worthless.  seriously, though.  He’s fucking hot.

20.) She got drunk at a party once and complained about some dude we didn’t know who she didn’t like, like any of us gave a shit.  

I wish I was joking.  We told her to just block him and ignore it or just walk away from the internet for a while.  I mean, we’re adults not 15 y/o girls sending caddy messages to one another.  Internet drama is a pathetic thing for an old woman to get wrapped up in.   She then left to, what I thought, snapchat or face time someone.  We could see her talking into her phone with it out in front of her (she was drunk so god knows who the poor unfortunate soul was on the other end) then came back to let us know she was leaving.  

21.) . She’s clearly unhappy, so she tries to make everyone else around her the same.

No one who is happy with their life/themselves says/does the things she does/says.  Unhappy people recognize unhappy people.  I was that miserable once, I know it when I see it.

22.) She’s rude to wait staff/ baristas.

again, I wasn’t there but a coworker went with her to get coffee (He’s a nice guy to everyone, bless his heart) she rudely demanded a manager when her drink wasn’t made with what she asked for. Yeah, she’s one of THOSE people..

23.) and lastly only because I’m done talking about her; she blamed a mistake SHE made on a friend of mine, who got shit canned because if it.

Yup.  

I don’t care if this is ever discovered, don’t care if it is.  I don’t care if you believe me or think I’m some troll.  If you’re a fan of hers, rethink your fandom.  If you hate her, good on you.  Either way, I don’t care.  I just really wanted to vent out this joke of a human being. I’m not coming back to this tumblr.

farewell, noble listener from the future.

and Kristie, if you found this; Fuck you, twat.  I hope you remain miserable and alone for the rest of your life.  You deserve it for the shit you put everyone through daily.

[dalesuperstar-blog]

[gods+men] Gorillaz @ The Forum, CA 10.5.17 // Hello, Humanz

every couple years a band/artist is the god of my little segment of the earth. i realise that this is an extremely limited bubble. and i dont really know what the bubble is, honestly. but i think that im gonna use this tumblr moving fwd to talk about it/figure it out. so yay, thx. oh and if you happen to also exist in this bubble, hmu duh.

so today im gonna talk about the current gods - G O R I L L A Z. we’ll go over the gods of the last 25 years later and create some sort of listeroo bc if you know me (which you dont) you know i love lists (now you do).

but like dude for reallies, gorillaz. wtf? who? what? when? how? why? lol that was p much me the whole night. like what in the hell, can we all pls take a moment of silence to honour the genius that is every.single.fucking. part of gorillaz.

quik backgrownd: Gorillaz is an English virtual band. what that means is it’s 4 animated characters: Noodle (guitar/keyboards/my first fav), Murdoc Niccals (bass), 2-D (lead vox/keyboards/super hot for a cartoon?), and Russel Hobbs (drums/percussion). it’s kind of hard to wrap your head around a virtual band, i totally get it. but think of it as like, an extended movie/series. every album, everything they do is just a new episode/sequel to the story. and another thing that’s cool about this idea is that since it’s these 4 animated characters, anyone can work on the project (like how a move and its sequel can have diff set designers, etc.). and that’s something gorillaz have come to be known for - the fucking amazing features and guests on every album. like seriously, how. ok i’ll probably have a diff post just on the band bc super interestinggg

back to the point of this. fucking damon man. & jamie too. that’s all lol

jk 

i mean yea it was really fcuking magical. i do wish i got to see the plastic beach and demon days songs on those tours but honestly theres a certain nostalgic beauty to seeing them now because the songs have so much time-created meaning. thats kinda what on melancholy hill is for me. so many memories -- good and bad -- that i get to remember when i hear the song and then with a whole new memory of live...idk 

NEW SONG apparently they were in idaho for a couple weeks and they wrote this sick country-ish song and if youre not jealous that you haven’t heard it, youre wack and you should be. i mean, im jealous of my past self bc im not there anymore lol

and so many historically important guests came out, old and new, but the real star was fucking little simz.. we were all just like :O the whole time. i turned to my friend and was like That is the coolest outfit in the world and she responded That is the coolest person in the world. Touche. also our last names are a bit similar so now i feel some unwarranted connection to her lol pls can we be friends? there’s something so cool about her: like shes so inspiring youre like fuck i wanna be like her but then at the same time youre like well fuck i will never be that cool. idk how shes so down to earth but also untouchable at the same time.. wonder what she’s doing rn, does she live a normal life? does she like mangos? (i love mangos and that’s always an imp q to ask) and that’s kind of what i was saying before. gorillaz is/are these divine beings and when you get to be in their presence, to vibrate with them it’s just an unreal experience. it’s like you get to exist on this transcendent plane temporarily. and it sucks when you have to leave but youre thankful that it happened and maybe what makes it beautiful is that it ends (no fuck that. i’d be down to stop time and just stay there forever. kthxbye)

anyway yall should catch the humanz tour but maybe gorillaz are just back so maybe you have time but also maybe not and do you really wanna risk that? i say, no.

[mistermexico-blog]

Favorite Songs of 2016

21 tracks that moved me in 2016. 

Celebrate by Anderson .Paak

In my humble opinion, 2016 was the year of Anderson .Paak. Like many, .Paak (pronounced pok) first graced my ears on Dr. Dre’s Compton.  In early 2016 he dropped the soul/funk/hip-hop masterpiece Malibu, of which I could put almost every damn song on this list (and he did sneak his way onto this list multiple times). Celebrate literally brought a tear to my eye.  I was driving, and the song hit my face with a wave of emotion. This song wins with simplicity. Sometimes you have to remind yourself that simply being alive is a gift in itself-- so why not celebrate?

Favorite Lyric: It’d be a bad look talkin’ bout what could of been, so lets celebrate while we still can”

Also check out: The Bird

Celebrate VIDEO:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SKpOW_o8Do

Forever’s Gone (ft. Na’el Shehade & Via Rosa) by Drama Duo

This song is beautiful. New age, bassy edm production laced with the voice of an angel.  You can kick back and chill with it, or get lifted and dance to it. That is something special, folks...to me at least. I’m excited to see where this duo out of The Windy City ventures next.

Favorite Lyric: “And I’ll love you far, after forever’s gone, and I’ll be here long, after forever’s won”

Also check out: Low Tide

Forever’s Gone VIDEO:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVZRKAGD-kw

Cash Machine by D.R.A.M.

After Drake’s Hotline Bling allegedly jacked Big Baby D.R.A.M.s Cha Cha (the production is strikingly similar), I was very happy to have discovered this guys catalogue. Cash Machine is that feel good Chicago style piano driven jam (prod. by Ricky Reed) that makes you want to celebrate success. I took the crew to see him in Seattle and had the pleasure of a spacious front row viewing in an iconic intimate venue (Neumos). Dude can really sing, too!

Favorite Lyric: “I'm in the sky like all the time and now it's no layover, my records all across the wave and there was no payola”

Also check out: Broccoli

Cash Machine VIDEO:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rx0eqQl8wk

Stupid Rose by Kweku Collins

My brother & I brought back “ghostriding the whip” to Stupid Rose this summer in Lake Chelan, a short and sweet highlight of the summer for me. Not the traditional song for such an extremity, but if felt right. His rap/sing style seems to come from a very natural place; hippy vibes, educated, rides the rhythm like a joyride pilot? Is this the result of the legalization of pot? Either way, this killer D’Angelo flip is a hypnotic warped out bouncy son of a bitch.

Favorite Lyric: “’Til she sat across from me my curiosity coiled like a snake around a finger”

Also check out: Death of A Salesman

Stupid Rose VIDEO:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nl6OW07A5q4

Show Me Love (Skrillex Remix) ft. Chance The Rapper, Moses Sumney, Robin Hannibal by Hundred Waters 

This song was hot, then I watched the video and for some reason fell in love. It gave me chills. I’m assuming it was shot in LA, but it’s a gloomy day and they’re just running around the city enjoying themselves. Chance the Rapper brings the best energy to every track he graces-- just anticipating his verse gets me hyped! Great message here too.

Favorite Lyrics: “Don’t let me show cruelty though I may make mistakes, don’t let me show ugliness though I know I can hate”

Also check out:

Show Me Love VIDEO:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5bAVKzrBzI

Crazy Dream ft. Loyle Carner by Tom Misch

My guy Chase Decker threw this on a video he made and I HAD TO KNOW WHO THE FU$K IT WAS. I dug into the London prodigy’s Spotify/youtube accounts back in early Spring and continue to visit them on the regular. He plays guitar like a boss and sings like a swoon, bringing an incredibly sexy rock element to hip-hop. 

Favorite Lyric: “I had a dream about you last night, and we were listening to Pharcyde”

Also check out: Beautiful Escape

Crazy Dream VIDEO

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sa5HNkGrl8E

Real Friends (ft. Ty Dolla $ign) by Kanye West

This was one of the first songs I heard at the start of the Pablo run. I wish every song on the album was in this vein. This is as close as we’ve got to “old Kanye” to date. They snagged a sample from Couches by Frank Dukes and that just might be the kicker. Definitely a nostalgic, dreamy feel, Kayne getting a little vulnerable, Ty Dolla doing what he does, it’s nice.  

Favorite Lyric: “Who your real friends, we came from the bottom, I’m always blaming you but what’s sad you not the problem”

Also check out: 30 Hours

Real Friends VIDEO:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUkV-U6_F_Q

Lingerie & Candlewax by Mayer Hawthorne

I’ve been hot on Mayer for almost a decade now, and the man continues to impress with every project he puts out. Definitely play Mayer’s Man About Town at the next function you host/DJ/highjack the aux at. This is some 213 meets Marvin Gaye, fighting temptation in the cadillac, smoking with the boo-thang music. 

Favorite Lyric: “Angel on my shoulder said, hold up, don't touch it, I'm so torn up, Latoya Luckett”

Also check out: Love Like That

Lingerie & Candlewax VIDEO:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuBlCRYE4rQ&list=PLykkJfCk9HuODiVwhic00RUlnF05jwnSU&index=18

Nights by Frank Ocean

Frank is such a unique artist. Nights, is nearly three songs in one. He delivers these incredibly intriguing lyrics over rather bare-bone guitar and drum. I can’t tell if he’s rapping or singing and it doesn’t matter because it sounds fantastic. The song starts off upbeat then slowly transforms, allowing Frank to change up his delivery accordingly. His content is mysterious; I want to know what he’s talking about but at the same time I get the feeling it’s personal and therefore don’t need to know everything. He coulples up a lot of his bars, allowing just a few lines to coincide together then he’s off to the next subject. It’s a borderline ADD stream of conscious and it’s beautiful.  

Favorite Lyric: “Why your eyes well up? Did you call me from a seance? You are from my past life, hope you doing well bruh”

Also check out: Solo

No audio sorry folks! (Frank’s a boss like that)

Dang! (ft. Anderson .Paak) by Mac Miller

Mac Miller dun grown up! He seduced this groovy Pomo production just right, smooth talking his feminine subject until his honesty pushes her away. In an interview I watched, Anderson .Paak was apparently talking about losing someone to the skies above. Mac decided kept it here on earth and I think it worked. 

Favorite Lyric: “Wait, we was just hangin', I guess I need to hold onto, dang, the people that know me best, the key that I won't forget, too soon”

Also check out: We ft. Cee-Lo Green

Dang! VIDEO:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LR3GQfryp9M

Riot by Jon Waltz

Problems have never sounded so good.  Things aren’t picture perfect for Jon, yet I’m jealous of the picture he’s painting. I’d really like to see a video for this song; so much room for audio irony! The song itself is sonically untouchable, yet the lyrical contrast makes it super badass! 

Favorite Lyric:”We just wanna be loved, we need money and drugs, and a new place to stay”

Also check out: Bang

Riot VIDEO:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNh34RlmE-A

Jusfayu (ft. No Wyld) by Kamau

While Andre 3000 was snoozing, Kamau must’ve crept in and inhaled Mr. Benjamin’s soul.  I first discovered him by his interpretation/cover of Hey Ya! by Outkast (well played) and instantly had to find out this guys story. He uses a decent amount of VOX throughout his tracks; beat-box elements with incredible harmonic layers. He sings, he raps, he dances, he’s fun as fu*k and despite drawing comparisons to Andre he brings a very unique flavor to the music industry.  

Favorite Lyric: “I’m not a bad guy, I ain’t all put together, but if you stick around you gon see I’m getting better”

Also check out: Gaims

Justfayu VIDEO:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tim7MeDItPw

Lucy The Tease by Allan Rayman

I don’t have a lot of info on this guy, but he was a Spotify Discovery find and I’ve really enjoyed his raspy chilled out vocals over it’s dirty hip hop production.  Super sexy track. I can see it in some action/drama movie soundtrack in the near future. Waitress seduces badboy motorcycle dude in a cheap hotel? 

Favorite Lyric: “And don’t say I didn’t warn you!”

Lucy The Tease VIDEO:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o04LHGQwNf4

The Waters (ft. BJ the Chicago Kid) by Anderson .Paak 

The song is too smooth! .Paak rides the beat with such natural, genuine swag, telling his story so effortlessly. BJ lays it down like a young Usher meets D’Angelo. I had the pleasure of catching BJ open for Anderson in Portland in early 2016, and when they took the stage for this song I felt like I was witnessing the reason people make music. 

Favorite Lyric:”And I can do anything but move backwards, the hardest thing is to keep from being distracted”

Also check out: Am I Wrong

The Waters VIDEO: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2R2ticmolk

Caroline by Amine 

Young dude reppin’ Portland, Oregon! Another jam I found on Spotify’s “Discover Weekly” and instantly put in on repeat. So damn bouncy! Every component of this song is catchy. Amine played this like a savage too, being that this was his first release!  

Favorite lyric: “I love your bloopers, and perfects for the urgent, baby I want forever”

Also check out: Baba

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3j8ecF8Wt4E

Guru by Coast Modern

This is simply a chill-ass-feel-good-airy-summer song. Take it slow, cool out bruh. Reggae vibes with a hint of Glass Animals. Makes a man giddy for summer.   

Favorite Lyric: “Chillin’ on the sofa, I don’t want to yoga, I don’t want to life right now”

Also check out: Animals

Guru VIDEO:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6XVrGv2W7Y

Wow by Beck

I recall thinking, “this is in response to Kanye West discrediting him after he won album of the year for Morning Phase” (he later admitted not even listening to the album).  Anywho, Beck’s Wow felt like old Odelay Beck was back in business.  Hints up hip-hop with modern cowboy vibes are you kidding me? This has to be Kanye approved, not that it matters. 

Favorite Lyric: “Standing on the lawn doin' jiu jitsu Girl in a bikini with the Lamborghini shih tzu”

Also check out: 

Wow VIDEO:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyCkhPTU13w

Need to Know (ft. Chance the Rapper) by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

I feel like Macklemore’s This Unruly Mess I’ve Made was overlooked. Lot of great songs that album. This song was a highlight for me; an honest song about telling lies. Or rather, leaving out the truth. Ryan orchestrated this bad boy to perfection, Mack put his heart on the horn and Chance was the perfect addition. 

Favorite Lyric: “I cry when she smile with her eyes closed”

Also check out: Bolo Tie

Need to Know VIDEO:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqFztNcQ0KE

One Dance (ft. WizKid & Kyla) by Drake 

I Can’t not have a Drake song on here. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t vibe the f*ck out to Views all damn summer. He recruited an amazing team to collaborate here and the result is this worldly piece of perfection.   I’d like to the video shot at some sexy beach side hostel somewhere near the equator. 

Favorite Lyric:”I need one dance, got a hennesy in my hand, one more time for I go, higher powers taking a hold on me”

Also check out: I’m With You 

One Dance VIDEO: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcer12OFU2g

Dapper (ft. Anderson .Paak) by Domo Genesis

Like Dang!, this is another groove monster produced by Pomo and headed by Anderson .Paak. They shot the video in a roller rink and they were 100% correct in doing so. Just dance y’all. 

Favorite Lyric: “Now I can turn a pussy to a kiddy pool”

Dapper VIDEO:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_9HNEyLa4U

Neighbors by J. Cole

My guy Jermaine’s flow is straight head bobbing call the fire truck fuego here.  And I think I can call him Jermaine because dammit, I feel like know the guy-- he’s one hell of a story teller!  Apparently the house they rented to record the album at in North Caroline was raided by SWAT while they were away because “the neighbors think I’m sellin’ dope”. All they found was a studio. I believe it’s J. Cole’s altered voice on the chorus and that matters because he’s suddenly two different dudes. This is the Cole I’ve wanted since Warm Up. He might even slip up in my top 5 with this song alone.  

Favorite Lyric:”I been buildin' me a house back home in the south Ma, won't believe what it's costin', and it's fit for a king, right? Or a nigga that could sing and explain all the pain that it cost him”

Also check out: Change

Neighbors VIDEO:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOPgg7qqlcA

COMPLETE YOUTUBE PLAYLIST: 

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLykkJfCk9HuODiVwhic00RUlnF05jwnSU

ALSO, 

follow on Spotify @ Tyler Roberts “best of 2016″