#and like... i dont FEEL like this person is using me

[freshlove-sturn]

house on the cape.

based on last friday’s video bc im obsessed with it. (events that happened in the vlog may not be in order just so the story flows how i want, also might add or get rid of some things for that same reason ofc). definitely gonna be multiple parts if yall like it so please let me know!!

summary: when the triplets come back home from la, they reunite with their favorite summer tradition, staying in the house on the cape. amidst all of the familiar laughter, and reminiscing on old memories, y/n can’t ignore the feeling stirring in her heart. something that went deeper than friendship. as she grapples with the fact that her feelings for her lifelong best friend, matt, are more than what’s just at the surface, she must learn to navigate and balance the unspoken feelings, and the gut wrenching fear of risking it all.

a/n: sorry guys but i think im scrapping all my old fics. i just have lost interest in them and i dont want to give yall something that i just half assed yk. i just need something new 😖🙏 don’t hate me pls. also i didn’t proof read and i never do so hopefully this all makes sense LMAO

……………………..

“BOYS TRIP!” chris shouts through the house.

the triplets are back in boston from being in la. i’d be lying if i said that i didn’t wish that these visits would last forever. being across the country from my best friends sucked.

“oh yeah , and you’ll be there too. you’re one of the boys.” chris points at me, smiling before loading the car with our bags.

“chris please never say that again.” i cringe, but fail to keep in my laughter.

“i agree. that was disgusting.” nick chimes in.

“just wanted to make sure you know you’re included.” chris throws his hands up in defense.

“thanks.” i smile and shake my head before getting in the car.

we were staying at their house in cape cod, something all of us looked forward to each summer growing up.

we arrive at nate’s house to pick him up. after the group effort of showering him in compliments for his new hair cut, we get back in the car.

sandwiched between nick and nathan, i check the time on my phone. nick grabs my wrist and moves it out of the way to give himself a better view of my lock screen.

“that is such a cute picture.” he says admiringly. it was a picture of matt and i. the picture was taken from behind while matt gave a piggy back ride back to the car because my feet hurt from wearing heels to madison’s concert.

“you took it.” i laugh.

“i know. i really out did myself huh.” he hypes himself up. i smile and roll my eyes.

once we get to the cape house, we unload the car. all of our bags scattered haphazardly throughout our respective rooms. the same rooms each of us have stayed in for years. nate with chris, nick with matt, and me, having been the only girl, with my own room.

“let’s go to the beach!” nate walks out into the kitchen, clapping his hands together.

…

the beach was just within walking distance. matt and i fell behind the rest of the group.

“i’m so glad you’re back.” i tell him.

“me too. i missed you.” he replies.

“i missed you too.” i admit. “a lot.” i look up and meet his eyes. we just stare at each other for a second. we didn’t really need to say anything. it was almost just a mutual understanding that each other were our favorite person.

if only he knew the extent.

the only person i’ve confided in about my feelings for matt was nate. which was precisely why he kept shooting me knowing glances anytime matt and interacted. nate swore that he knew i was in love with matt for years, before i even knew myself.

i can’t exactly pinpoint when i fell in love with my best friend, but i do remember when i realized.

flashback

matt and i sit together in the hammock string between two large oak trees in the backyard of the cape house. the gentle breeze swaying us back and forth softly. the sun was going down just to the right of us. beautiful pink and orange hues paint the sky.

“i could stay right here forever.” matt breaks the silence that had fallen between us.

“me too.” i reply softly.

“oh hey i have something for you” he digs his hand around in his pocket and pulls out a baby pink seashell. he hands it it me.

“i’ve never seen a pink one like that before.” he tells me as i admire the gift.

“me either. i love it. thanks matt.” i smile sweetly at him.

“of course.” he returns the smile.

i feel the heartbeat in my chest racing and my cheeks heating up. the feeling i had been carrying around with me for quite some time became abundantly clear.

i was in love with my best friend.

when i got home that night, i tied a string around the shell, and wore it as a necklace. and i haven’t taken it off since.

end of flashback

that was back when we were 16. 4 whole years i’ve gone hiding my biggest secret from the one person i told everything to.

our gaze was interrupted by chris. “jesus, yall are some slow pokes” he hollers back at us.

we both laugh and pick up out pace.

soon we arrive at the beach. i’ve always loved the beach. it truly is my happy place.

especially when i’m with matt.

nick snaps pictures here and there.

“oh my gosh matt look! this is just like your tattoo!” i hold out a shell to him.

“oh shit you’re right.” he holds out his arm, revealing his tattoo.

“that’s sick.” chris admires the similarity while nick takes a picture.

…

later that night, we all sit in the living room debating on what movie to watch.

“chris im not watching planet of the apes again. we’ve watched it like 9 times already.” nick argues, shutting down chris’s pleads.

“how about grown ups?” matt suggests.

“yes i love that movie.” nate agrees.

“that’s fine with me.” nick shrugs and starts typing it in.

“is that good with you?” matt leans down to where i was sitting in front of him, his voice soft and genuine.

“yeah that’s good with me.” i tell him.

he smiles and pats the spot on the couch next to him, gesturing me to come sit up there with him. i stand up from my spot on the floor and sit down next to him. he drapes a blanket over the both of us.

about an hour or so into the movie, my eyes get heavy. i lean my head on matt’s shoulder, to which he responds with wrapping his arm around me. this was nothing out of the ordinary. there’s pictures going back to when we were in preschool of the two of us practically fused together passed out on the living room floor.

suddenly, a gentle shake of my shoulders woke me up from a sleep i hadn’t even known i fell into. my eyes flutter, slowly regaining focus. when they do, i’m met with matt’s gentle blue eyes.

“hey, you wanna go lay down in your bed? i don’t want your neck to be sore.” he asks, genuinely concerned for my comfort.

i look around, everyone else appeared to have gone into their rooms.

“yeah i probably should.” i say through a yawn.

matt grabs my hand and helps me stand up from the couch. we walk down the hallway. my room came before his and nicks.

“goodnight matt.” i say, slowly turning the doorknob.

“goodnight y/n. see ya in the morning.”

i toss and turn in bed, unable to fall asleep. i stand up from bed, and leave my room. slowly making my way to the kitchen to get a drink, careful to not wake anyone up.

i open the fridge and grab a water. before i can take a sip, i hear a familiar voice behind me.

“can’t sleep?” the sudden breach of silence made me jump a little. i turn around and see matt. he was leaned up against the door frame. his sweatpants falling dangerously low on his figure, his arm under his shirt itching his shoulder, exposing his midriff.

“nope. you?” i set my water down on the counter.

“hm mm” he replies.

we stand in silence for a few moments before matt breaks the silence again.

“wanna go to the beach?”

….

a/n: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LMK IF YALL LIKE THIS. SUGGESTIONS ALWAYS WELCOME AND MY INBOX IS ALWAYS OPEN 🙏 i’m using my old taglist, so lmk if you want taken off or added to it!

taglist: @honestlybabymiracle @pepsiimaxx @creamoncreamoncream2 @mattestrella @luvmxtt @rac00ns-are-c00l4

[yanderespamton78]

sometimes i feel like toby fox made spamton and the addisons especially for people to hyperfixate on. everything about them seems so perfect for people to go rabid about its insane to me

for one, spamton himself pretty much counts for 4 people, those being addispam, big shot spamton, in game spamton, and spamton neo. now sure you mostly see people going rabid about in game spamton but ive seen plenty of people who are obsessed with a version we dont get to see on screen

secondly, even the main in game spamton himself is kinda up to interpretation. loads of people characterise him differently. if i compared two aus to eachother theyd often be very different and depending on the ones i chose could be almost like 2 different people, and then if i compared those to in-game spamton, theyd still be very different. also since you dont see addispam and big shot spamton on screen you dont even know what they acted like so again basically you can make your own guy to fixate on with a few prompts as to what he was like

dont even get me started on the addisons. now im biased as fuck here seeing that ive been fixated on the addisons for like 6 months now (send help) but toby fox basically gave us 4 templates for us to have fun with. sure based off of in game dialogue you have a bit to go off of when it comes to their personality (pink being an asshole and blue being caring for example) but even then every addison in every different au is slightly different and i have never seen two addisons turn out exactly the same. ALSO you dont even know the relationship these characters have to spamton meaning you can have them be siblings, you can have them be friends, or you can ship them based off of what you enjoy. OR you could just ignore them altogether (which a lot of people do lmao)

also another thing is the fact that you dont necessarily need to have your addisons' personalities just reflect off of spamtons. I mean the main 4 addisons give you enough to go off of to make your own, and you are given cyber city, an entire fantasy world for you to put them in. cyber city again is up to interpretation, some people have it be like a normal city, some people make it a utopia, some people make it a hellscape. the choice is yours!!

and even then in game spamton is so versatile. he is perfect for angsty stuff, fluffy stuff, or jsut silly stuff, and none of it is out of character. you couldnt really make an angsty spongebob edit could you, itd be weird and out of characer and no one would take it seriously. but also you couldnt make a silly walten files video, sure people do but its out of character and wouldnt actually happen canonically. but spamton on the other hand. hes the kinda guy who you can draw holding a wallet in his mouth like a cat and generally being silly but also you could draw him sobbing at the bottom of dumpster and neither would be out of character!! AAAA

also extra thing i thought id add but his backstory is also very up to interpretation, like i dont think ive ever seen two people who think spamtons rise and downfall went exactly the same. sure everyone has the same general idea of how it went but some people believe in acid theory, some people believe in puppetification theory, some people have a mix of both, some people have their own idea of how it went down, and with that you can project different parts of your own trauma onto whatever happened to him.

ok sorry that was so long thank you for reading my very biased ramble about why spamton is perfect byeeee

[senseiwu]

Every time the crystalised discussion on twitter comes back and they get to Lloyd's issues with his father i want to freaking rip my hair out

"Lloyd's in the wrong" "Lloyd was an ass" (<something I literally just saw)

God forbid a child hurt by their parent BE HURT. BE UPSET.

[dwreader]

I gotta say I'm shocked that people are saying Louis doesn't feel anything for Armand. That producer whos not Rolin Jones said Louis is falling in love with Armand while Lestat manfiests to pass judgment on him.

tbh i think there is an ambiguity which i mentioned before in my femme fatale post! femme fatales have historically been maligned for being evil manipulative heartless self-serving women often times bc they are subjugated by a powerful man and use the only power they have to achieve their aims. you can certainly interpret some of them as being completely unemotionally manipulative, they're just not the ones that interest me personally.

i think louis's motivations are complex because the situation demands it. he cannot just let himself fall head over heels in love with armand without caution bc in the previous episode armand nearly killed him and has the power to kill him & claudia at any given moment. in ep2 and for most of ep3, they clearly have a real connection and are falling for each other. like the flirtatious chemistry and lust are leaping off the screen idk i feel like you have to be blind not to recognize it but once we get to the end of ep3... the danger is now intermingled with the love/lust. they can no longer be ignored like when louis was still pretending his maker was bruce and everything was fine & dandy for him and claudia. once armand has that power over him, it makes the relationship murkier and murkier. you can't put the genie back in the bottle and revert to their "wholesome" dating phase. and the more dangerous the relationship is, the more it reminds him of lestat and all the red flags he's seeing again. i dont think its unintentional that dreamstat shows up in the bedroom when armand starts pressuring louis about companionship. cause lestat did the same thing to him in 1x01 when louis also wasn't ready (albeit in a very different way). in the museum, dreamstat shows up when armand is "apologizing" yet at the same time flexing his powers and going vintage lioncourt.

and it parallels the same consent questions btwn lestat and louis in s1 where they had a genuine courtship/romance but when push came to shove, the moment louis was forced to make the choice to actually be with lestat and accept his proposal, it was after a show of brutal violence and murder and lestat literally having killed the only friend louis had in the world. then he spends the rest of s1 wondering about paul as well. love & horror co-exist and the horror was for love. its been a very jessica chastain coded week.

[lovelylittlelevity]

Im very sorry to say that as of 5/29/24 Lovely Little Levity's blog and game has been decided to become a content archive.

this was a team decision, and due to the lack of motivation and health issues (mental and physical) among us, we've come to the conclusion to simply let sleeping dogs lie. While I wish I could say we ended with a bang or something else interesting, it was a simple decision to choose us and our health before LLL.

below are the final statements of those who wished to speak

---

Melody:

While I wish I could say I had fun, that was only true intitially. While I understand I made my mistakes, nothing I did gave the free pass some of y'all think you have to stalk me through multiple blogs telling me to kill myself and otherwise harrass me. I really hope I can find the joy of creating with friends again with the other projects I have ongoing. I guess to the people who still want to make "expose" documents/posts about me all I gotta say is: Grow up. Get a life outside of fandom culture. Some of y'all are forgetting what an actual problematic person looks like/have never faced REAL conflict and it shows.

Puppit:

Honestly it was fun at first but after a while it felt more like we have forced ourselves to make it because y'all wouldn't stop rushing us some of the time and kept on asking when the game was going to be finished. But when we released the demo, y'all said it felt forced. So it didn't feel fun anymore. It just became stressful in the end. Honestly the LMK fandom is just a whole disaster to the point so many are just at each other's throat. I just really hope it gets better for all of you.

Ekko:

In all honesty LLL was a mess. Early on we had the Scott issue, and then later more personal issues that slowed work down. Even when we had a pickup on motivation the constant pressure and rude comments were too much. It's not hard to be kind on the fucking internet, the world wont end if you dont click send on that kys message I swear. I could handle it better than the other members of LLL, however it doesn't mean i should have to. Thank you to everyone who was kind in welcoming me and aware of my tone deafness, you are appreciated more than you know.

-xoxo EK

[zeroducks-2]

Zero you mentioned hating on people who get prissy about people shipping characters they dont actively ship and it sparked a LONG burning question of mine concerning bias shipping culture in Batfam fandom. Fans who attack and complain and make a big show of hating on ‘batcest’ ships ARE SO DUCKING HYPOCRITICAL OH MY LORD. I don’t understand why it’s considered okay to ship Dick x Barbara or Barbara x Bruce, or Steph x Tim. But seen as a cardinal sin to ship Jason x Dick, or Jason x Tim or Bruce x Dick??? Especially when the only argument antishippers make is ‘that’s gross their brothers/father and son and that’s incest 😤’. I’m sorry? Did you not just post nsfw Dickbabs content? Did DC not make Steph and Tim romantic love interests? Is that not incest too? Considering the fandom classifies all of them as family, and in a lot of fan spaces and fanfics, are they not interacting and being written as a family unit? I see SO many people blog about Bruce seeing Babs as his first daughter, or being making weird headcanons on Bruce and Steph’s relationship and donning it ‘tired uncle!Bruce and weird niece!steph core’. Like you obviously see them connected to Bruce through familial ties, and yet you’re okay with them dating Dick and Tim who are legally adopted by Bruce and who are also known as his sons? The irony. The hypocrisy. The ducking mockery of it all. Personally, I don’t think the issue that antishipper have is the ‘incest’ part but rather the ‘gay’ part of it all. Game of Thrones taught me that the general public actually don’t care about fictional incest between characters as long as it’s not between two male characters. Because lord forbid the’s a couple of queers in media.

I have been talking about this many times and I have no qualms talking about it some more:

✨ IT'S NOT INCEST, YALL JUST HOMOPHOBIC ✨

The whole idea around "batcest" makes no sense. These are people who did not grow up together, aren't related and never even lived under the same roof. Incest is not a spectrum, incest means sexual intercourse with a relative within the prohibited degree of consanguinity, consanguinity means BLOOD RELATIONSHIP, and these people DO NOT HAVE IT.

But even then, they are a bunch of hypocrites because I have not ever seen anyone batting an eye over Dickbabs or Timsteph (or Jaybabs, or Timbabs - yeah depending on the time period or the media, poor Babs has been passed around a lot). Their relationship is the exact same as the boys' when it comes to shared experiences. Steph has even been a Robin. But nobody cares because 1, DC is not pushing the "family rhetoric" with the girls all that much since they treat them as lower importance characters (when they're there at all), and 2, it's not queer relationships.

And this is ultimately what makes me go insane about queer kids parroting anti bullshit. Censorship is the weapon used by bigots to criminalize, punish and ultimately erase queer people from existence, it takes to study queer history for five minutes to understand this. You can see it happening in every fandom space where every type of queer ship gets put through some sort of moral sieve, and they WILL find reasons why it's unethical to ship it. Did you know that now shipping Dick/Wally is problematic because "Wally has a wife" ? So basically they're turning the very reason why fandom was born (exploring something different from the standardized heteronormative/amatonormative way of doing everything when it comes to narrative) into something pRoBLeMaTiC.

And these little fucking idiots keep spouting queerphobic nonsense while feeling morally righteous, not understanding that they are playing the game of the same people who if they could would shoot them in the street for being anything but straight and cis. And I'm not even taking into consideration the amount of harassment that comes from antis who think bullying and suibaiting someone over the perceived honor of fictional characters is okay.

BTW it's working. Just to name one, tumblr is not even doing its little rainbow capitalism number this year, because it's not a good look to be queer friendly anymore. Antis are helping the people who want us dead get to a spot where being anything but "normal" is illegal. When it happens, and if we keep going the way that we are now it will happen, it's going to be their fault too.

[flareboi]

ok yeah here you go!!! vicagent angst

so like. when victim first arrived in the outernet she wanted to start a new life. she didn't want to think about alan at all so she just shoved it all away and decided to forget about it.

she started a company and soon afterwards smith joined as one of her first employees. they became friends pretty quickly, staying in touch even while others left their jobs to move on to better places and new people joined. they got pretty close, i imagine a year or so in started to fall in love but didn't say anything (despite both knowing the other probably liked them)

then news comes on of tco and tdl causing chaos around the internet and victim figures out pretty fast, they've got the same creator. they quickly spiral into jealousy, realising that they were the only one alan made who never had powers, never had a chance to live, and decides to turn rocket corp towards a new goal of getting revenge on alan through the only leads she has.

xir obsession gets more unhealthy over time, staying up late at night just overflowing with anger. smith stayed with xem through most of this; frankly they were a little worried. at some point vic and agent start dating, and agent swears to do whatever it takes to make sure his partner's happy.

when vic asks him to assemble a team to track to chosen, capture them and find out where alan is, agent agrees without hesitation. he's a stickfigure, so of course he knows how to fight (it's something they were all raised to do). they reason with themself by saying tco is a bad person anyways, so it doesn't matter what happens to them or their associates.

throughout ava6 (season 3. man the change is fuckin me up) vic gets worse, losing her temper faster, with mood swings between ecstasy over getting closer to her goal and anger over things not going her way. xe clings to agent more than ever, and agent feels extremely sad for xem.

eventually the rest of color gang get properly involved, and vic is downright reckless, hurting all of them without abandon, torturing tco beyond reason and locking up tsc (who's like, a young adult at most). agent begins to feel bad for what they're doing.

fuck it's 12am uhh. whatever the Final Fight in ava6 is, the mercs are on vic's side and cg/tco/kingduo (and tdl i hope) on the other side. all the mercs get downed and vics on her own. agent's getting up and reconsidering their alliances as vic uses any tech it can get its hands on, destroying everything around them just to get a chance at hurting alan and his sticks.

tsc goes like, broth beam mode, and suddenly the fight flips, and vic is scrambling to get away and into the box where she has the power. she looks to agent for help but agent Hesitates. because in the past (week??? months) theyve seen their partner get worse and worse and hurt people without abandon and it's. Scary.

and that one second is all it takes for orange to fucking Blast vic to oblivion.

unlike tdl, vic has No chance or surviving. he's simply not built like that. he has (had) no power, nothing. agent is left alone to deal with the fact that they condemned their life's love to death. aw man. aw fuck.

okay yeah i hope this is Something. i dont even ship them so this might b extremely ooc idk hope you like it ♠️

OH MY GOD??????????????????????????????????????? im going to make art based off of this just give me a bit

[frozenjokes]

After years of thinking... I finally want to know what is CUBGUY and his boyfriend's MBTI aka the 16 personalities

You’ve opened Pandora’s box with this one my man because I am a psych major that HATES personality tests however that did not stop me from taking the test three times (this one which I hate specifically because the commercialization of personality tests to measure worth is evil BECAUSE THEY DONT WORK. THEY ARE NOT A GOOD MEASURE OF PERSONALITY OR WORTH AND HAVING TO TAKE THIS FUCKING FOR LITERALY JOB APPLICATIONS INSTEAD OF IT JUST BEING A FUN THING TODO IN YOUR FREE TIME IS FUCKING AURYRHEUSHDHUDUSHDJSHSJAHSUSUSJ KILLING BITING MAIMING GRAGAGSHGEHWDGSHHS I HATE. HER.) anyway. I can be normal about this subject I promise.

normal elsa: haha hey guys! I took the personality test for my ocs! yippeee!!! from left to right we have Cub, Scar, and Grian. thanks for the ask! this was fun!

but it’s not about having fun is it

so anyway I took notes. So you may have noticed some things don’t look quite right here. I mean, Cub looks fine! That’s pretty accurate even! Scar too, look at him go! … wait a minute. Grian’s not nice!!!! Or poetic!!!!!!! Is altruism even real????????????? (It is and I feel strongly about this but altruistic as an adjective to describe a person i believe is doing a disservice to the definition because what they MEAN is ‘selfless’ not altruistic but while we’re on the topic of selflessness Grian is fucking NOT)

So why did this happen. I don’t really care that the personality test got someone wrong, but I am interested in Why that happened, and why a test like this will never get a character like Grian correct.

Put simply, the answer is that this test wants to make you Feel Good. Now, having fun isn’t a crime and oftentimes personality tests are there to have fun, but the danger of something like this is that the MBTI isn’t presented as a low stakes fun activity, it’s presented as fact. Look. This is you! This is a good, objective measure of your personality, aren’t you great? You’re awesome :)! Here’s a list of vague-enough sentiments that probably apply to you based on the questions we asked. Yippee! its a really clever and extremely affective trick.

While the little blurb for Scar describes him relatively well, nearly every description of his ‘personality’ besides extroversion read pretty inaccurately, and that’s because the focus is so positive. The thing is, Grian and Scar are largely very self serving people (/neutral tone). They are often more worried about themselves than others, they’re impulsive, and that’s not all they are, but it’s pretty impossible to get at someone’s actual personality without recognizing what makes people flawed.

The closest I think the MBTI test gets to probing at this idea of potential selfishness are questions that are meant to test thinking versus feeling. Do you consider someone’s sensitivities in if they conflict with reason? Are you more concerned with facts or emotion? Logos versus pathos. That kinda stuff. But ultimately the MBTI test doesn’t really care about selfishness, it doesn’t care about flaws, it just cares about making you feel good baybe! So these neutral questions don’t really come back in any meaningful way. The MBTI is concerned about making caricatures of people, not accurately measuring their personality and that Matters because its so often treated as scientific, at least good enough to be used in consideration for jobs and work and school and all sorts of stuff.

And I could go on but the problem with modern personality tests goes so so so much deeper, even in more controlled, more science oriented fields like psychiatry. The system for diagnosing personality disorders is somewhat similar to a personality tests are at the very least aided by them, falling on a straight lined spectrum of Openness, Consciousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism. But this system Sucks and everyone knows it sucks because comorbidity between clusters (A, B, C) of personality disorders is Insanely High. I wish I had the exact percentages, but I can’t quite find the information I’m looking for, but the point is that if the rate of comorbidity between different disorders is So High, how do you know these disorders are correctly defined at all? If a person more often than not has Disorder A and Disorder B at the same time, who’s to say they’re all that different at all? In general, a lot of the criteria for diagnosing a personality disorders is Really similar, so in general it’s a section of the DSM that needs a pretty massive overhaul.

I don’t envy personality psychologists man their job is Tough (and in my opinion, kind of impossible. there’s too many roadblocks in making an objective test. It is. Eugh.)

TLDR: the MBTI test is about as decisive as a fortune cookie and it literally can’t be anything more because then you would realize its lying to you. amen

[fictionfixations]

honestly so happy that its easier to grind in hsr then genshin cause im actually able to properly build my characters instead of whatever mess i had in that game (i got the right artifacts but trying to get materials for anything was a bit of a pain to me)

also that the resin (i dont know what its called in this game im using genshin terms) can like. overflow into this other thing??? is. so helpful. (i stopped playing at one point so i just came back to both being full. and then when i realized what it actually did it was a godsend because it made it so much easier to fully commit to grinding. i know in genshin you can make the resin this little thing? condensed?? but thats a thing you have to do yourself i think)

all im missing is leveling up the lightcones and traces

and im only missing the traces because i already used up weekly bosses. THATS IT.

robin and ratio have the same boss material so all i have to do then is get the other resources which isnt actually that hard (ill only have an issue if i cant material synthesis or exchange or whatever since i need to do it for the robin stuff that you get from enemies that can ambush you, i dont know what you refer to them as, but cause i havent unlocked penacony yet lol)

and the only lightcones that might give me issue is because highlighted is penacony material stuff

(yes i put final victor on ratio LMFAO)

so YEAHH i feel like im doing pretty good in that department. also ive caught up to penaconys story i just havent started in-game because i wanted to see where it all leads up to and then go back to see all the foreshadowing and get a better understanding of what happened since it also confused me, so im waiting for a time i can just sit there for countless hours and focus. i even switched to eng vas so i dont end up misreading something

(anyway i only got to trying to max out my characters as much as i can until i can level them higher because before i got stuck on so many quests that required a fight 😭, yanqing, argenti, i hate battling you oh my god)

actually on that topic everyones relics arent fully maxed out.

ive only been leveling this cause 5 star dan heng is my main damage dealer

and the healer because im fucked without them (its natasha, but im open to changing it if i find a better healer or shield 🙏)

on that topic:

i returned to honkai star rail because aventurine. i focused on the story because aventurine. (got spoiled his story, realized 'what the fuck hes cool i like him' and watched someone go through the story) i came back in time for his banner but you know what? i had like zero wishing stuff because id stopped playing so i missed out unfortunately

i have friends who have aventurine as like one of the support characteres thingy tho? like the the where you can get support from other peoples characters

so thats been fun. but also auto is kind of bad with aventurine. or maybe because it thinks 'oh theres already a shield, so i wont e' which is pain. on the other hand actually playing instead of having it on auto is fun with aventurine. i like planning around it and thinking of who to have use their skills while keeping in mind when i should have him refresh his shield. i cant explain to you how it hurts seeing hp missing with a shield around it because i cant do anything about it (im the type of person who likes to keep my characters hp full ngl)

probably not the best decision to want shield over a healer but. i can make it work. maybe. i just want aventurine ok. (except for phantylia who as far as im aware is the only one who can just TAKE hp like that? without even affecting shields???)

[lemonhemlock]

what are your thoughts on the madonna-whore complex allegations constantly lobbed at criston from rhaenicent and rhaenyra stans alike. because i dont see it at all. also a lot of them don't even seem to be using the madonna-whore complex correctly. it's supposed to be in regard to men in relationships with woman that lose sexual arousal for these women when they see them in more domestic, motherly, etc. light. the fandom is so collectively off base about this lmao.

yeah, i feel like criston's stuff is a bit more complicated, even just based on the information given in S1. in a way, you can say he grows to be attracted to the mother figure and repulsed by the whore figure, but he wasn't always like that. he himself said he had dalliances with girls before joining the kingsguard and he is very much attracted to the outgoing, spunky maiden rhaenyra, but there is also this tension with the quiet, introverted young alicent in his confession scene!

i'm not sure exactly how to word this, but criston strikes me as the type of man who is malleable, who doesn't have much in the way of plans or objectives. he lived a pretty aimless life before he is introduced on screen and joined the kingsguard as it was a prestigious institution which offered him structure and something to strive for. so, in a way, he replaced his haphazard youth with knightly ideals and gallantry. but, even this purposelessness - i wouldn't hold it above his head as a fault either. westerosi society just doesn't have the space for someone like him - the son of minor nobility, who probably doesn't have much in the way of inheritance. he can't exactly go out and "get a job" (the sources of wealth creation aren't very diversified) without it being considered a huge stepdown and humiliation and bringing shame on his family (the social stratification really might seem very alien to someone living in 2024). so, of course that in a society that values martial prowess (something he happens to be good at), he would be attracted to activities in the militaristic sphere.

and i don't mean to say that he is just amoral and doesn't have any principles either, i'm sure he would LIKE to be this perfect knight that embodies self-sacrifice and courage and selflessness, but, like many other westerosi institutions, the kingsguard is an oppressive one. it's NOT normal to impose abstinence on someone, it's NOT normal to not allow them to retire and make them live this frugal, unattached life, just trailing after royalty all day, standing for hours on end in rooms and hallways. so, of course, criston finds it difficult (i'm guessing a lot of the kingsguard members had similar feelings) and of course he "strays" (that's one way of putting it, bc we all remember the discussions on the non-consensual nature of that scene).

criston's existential crisis is very real and raw and a by-product of the westerosi feudal system - what IS a man like him supposed to do with his life? he thought he had found purpose in the kingsguard, but he found himself in a situation where he broke his vows, so he tries to reason that maybe his new purpose can be rhaenyra - his love for her, running away with her, marrying her, taking care of her etc. so it very much doesn't matter for him that she herself gave away her chastity before marriage (and could be thus labelled a "whore" by their society's standards). but when rhaenyra refuses him - it's like that quote from dostoevsky - “your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.”

so, where i'm going with this is that criston has personal beef with rhaenyra. she behaved towards him in a careless way and discarded him without a second thought, whereas for him their affair was a huge, all-consuming thing. now, had rhaenyra went on and lived an exemplary life as a married woman, with no bastard children, he still probably would have hated her for what she did, but, i'm not sure, just based off S1 information, that he would still call her names

to go back to the madonna-whore axis, like you said, men who have that complex tend to view the "whore" as someone sexually appealing - whereas i think criston's disillusionment with rhaenyra has surpassed any attraction he had for her in the past. meanwhile, despite being a "mother" figure, alicent's life of quiet servitude has made her very attractive in his eyes. but! who is to say that rhaenyra couldn't have been more diplomatic and empathetic with him in handling their affair? had she put a bit more effort in, manipulated him into being her secret lover instead of harwin strong? sure, he could have refused, but had she played the woe-is-me card, the i-have-to-sacrifice-my-happiness-for-the-good-of-the-realm and convinced him that she wasn't going along with his oranges plan because she, too, had higher ideals she had to serve, i don't think he would have seen her in this unfavourable light (what if rhaenyra were a different person entirely LOL)

so, basically, what i mean to say is that, ultimately, rhaenyra treated criston in a nasty way and now he hates her, whereas alicent treated him with kindness and now he worships the ground she walks on. but what if the roles were reversed? what if alicent had been unpleasant to him and rhaenyra the compassionate one? would criston still be crowning king aegon? is this truly about a madonna-whore complex or about personal relationships, how you behave towards people and how those past grievances interact when it comes to securing someone's loyalty? everyone is more inclined to be indulgent towards their friends and to keep their side, even if they might not always be in the right. it's easier to go to bat for someone you like than for someone you don't! people can always rationalise their principles away in such situations and develop double-standards

[lavaablast]

My headcanons pt1 (because i self project on everything)

(my opinion remember this is all silly fun) (also i change my mind contantly so expect me to edit this post constantly)

Kai Smith:

the band aid on his eyebrow is there because he has an eyebrow piercing, and he wants to protect it from getting ripped in battle (also doesnt want a scolding from Wu hehe)

self harms but instead of c///ing he burns because well, obvious reasons (less likely to be found out too)

orthorexic, is obsessed with being in peak physical form

body dysmorphia. knows he looks good but doesnt know what he looks like

"if i gave up on being pretty, i wouldn't know how to be alive" or wtv mitski said

has an extensive skincare routine but if anyone asks him he'll just say he "washes his face with cold water"

anger issues, but like he can explode on the ninja too and then he immediately regrets it but its too late which leaves him with... ->

guilt. ALL THE TIME. its in the back of his head wherever he goes

sun aries, moon sagittarius. i wont back down on this (im a sun aries and moon sag)

claims he "doesnt care" but actually cares so much it hurts (especially about Nya/Lloyd he'd do anything for them you hear me ANYTHING)

has strong morals and ideals but will give them up in a second when needed for survival of himself or the ninja (people often see this as a bad thing but he just wants everyone to live no matter the cost)

ironically, can't handle spicy food and is ALWAYS made fun of it by the others

is reckless and takes stupid risks because he does not care for his body whatsoever (the others think he doesnt know whats at stake, he does, but doesnt care when it's just his own saftey he's risking)

lowkey a perfectionist, but has a different idea of perfect than others so they wouldnt know (aka he needs things/himself/stuff he makes to be perfect, but not perfect objectively, perfect to what he thinks is right)

loves his parents because they tried their best, but still resents them. he hates that he does, but he does

cried all of his tears out ONCE after Nyas "death" and didnt cry at all after that, instead taking so much on his plate that he didnt get a single chance to think about it again (it'd be too painul, this was easier) which lead to....->

his grief being put on hold; and only when Nya already was back did it come out and he had no idea why he was feeling this way so he didnt tell anyone (what would he have said, im in agony for no reason at all?) and it was HELL to do it alone

tied to the above; he couldn't ask for help if his life depended on it (literally)

loves too hard

hates too hard

BPD coded (i dont wanna diagnose him but,,, im justsayinnn *whistles while walking away suspiciously*)

trust issues, but lowk all the ninja have them because like,,, just look at what they have to deal w bro

commitment issues because freedom is the most important thing in the world (after Nya/Lloyd) so settling down or commiting to one thing too long feels like threatining his freedom

actually smart (both emotinally and intelligently) but doesnt use his brains capabilities that much

great memory but also shit memory (remembers a whole row of numbers for no reason but forgets he has to pick up lloyd from the arcade..)

hot. thats all i rest my case

loves himself but hates himself

everything and nothing at the same time, everything about him contradicts himself, but also doesnt, but also does

hes a really simple person, really. but also the most complex one youll ever meet.

hates labels, especially being labeled by others (for the reasons above)

likes men but hates labels so,, no labels (not even the label "unlabeled")

infact he has a deep hatred for the label 'unlabeled' because if something is unlabeled, then why are you LABELING IT

red. everything is red redredred RED he loves red

has sibling bracelets with nya and lloyd (kai has green & dark blue, lloyd red & dark blue, nya red and green)

everything has to be red except the things that are black and orange. i rest my case once again

drinks just a bit too much for it to be considered concerning (started at 14)

will yell and scream at anyone who tries to help him (why do they think he needs help? why are they babying him? why cant the see he is capable?)

wouldnt let nya touch a bottle until she was 18 (be thankful nya its for the best)

paints his nails black or red.

has a strand of hair dyed red all the time

perfect teeth even tho he often forgets to brush them (how? fuck do i know)

would be a hyena i he was an animal

hates smartphones so he has a.. push-button phone?? whatever they're called. and he also only has the nokia brand. wont change it for a thing

"hates technology" but couldnt live without video games

loves to try new things but will have a breakdown if he HAS to try new things

stubborn asf, wont ever do anything he doesnt want to, which...->

makes people think he's selfish, but actually he's quite the opposite

selfless in an unconventional way, i'll make a drawing explaining it

please understand what i mean with that chart because it explains it so well in my brain

thats it for now cfdsfdr

[bearfools]

a few things i think people should know.

not directed at anyone in particular, but ive received multiple messages (some deleted, some not) from people and i think ill make a post about some stuff i wanna clear up as a therian.

i am aware that im bodily human, im aware that this will not change.

i am aware that acting wild (or as someone said, "gross" and "ill mannered") does not make me an animal

no, i am not a little kid discovering new terms on the internet and using them for clout. i am an 18 year old man who had been questioning therianthropy for a very long time

no, i am not offended by people saying silly hateful things, ive seen about every basic piece of therian hate (directed at me and also other people) and none of it bothers me

no, i am not in any way attracted to animals and i do not partake in any kind of animal abuse. its weird that people assume that right after saying "youre human!!" like am i a beast or not make up your mind lmao?

no, i dont mind if you ask "silly" questions, in a community as misunderstood as therians/alterhumans i am always happy to help people understand

yes, i believe in past lives. though i do not believe theyre fully to blame for my therianthropy and i dont think every kintype of mine has a detailed backstory. i was likely many animals before i was human and i dont kin anything but bears

i had like one person ask if this was a religious thing, its not, idk how common of a misconception that is but i wanted to put it out there. im not outwardly religious, im agnostic but unbothered by any other beliefs

yes, im aware that animals live outside in the cold with diseases and predators, i am grateful for the things i am given that wild animals are not.

no, you cant hunt me (and also, what the hell? again, if youre arguing that im human then why would you hunt me?)

"how do you know your beliefs are real?" i dont. im simply a person on this earth, same as you, i dont know what lies after death, i dont know what lies before birth, but i prefer my "weird" beliefs over never believing in anything.

after i made that post about young therians (thank you all for the love by the way!) i had a few comments along the lines of "messy eating is human/making faces and acting like an animal doesnt make you an animal" i know, i know that im not a bear, i know that what i do is not limited to therians. I know kids play as animals all the time! but at the end of the day i'm happy. are you? does leaving spiteful messages make you happy?

do you send a comment on tumblr and stare at your reflection in the screen and feel fulfilled? im asking genuinely, because if it doesnt make you happy, then why do it? it doesnt affect me, worst case scenario im annoyed and then dont interact. Do you think that ill hear you say "youre not a bear" and then go "oh my bad" and delete my account? as if i havent been told those exact words my whole life (even before i knew what the internet was!)

[nomapsupport]

i'm in your dni but i have a question, how do you believe that MAPS shouldn't seek to get rid of their attraction, because i'm sorry they should?! think about how terrifying it is for parents or just people who (not sexually) care about children to think anyone in public could be genuinely attracted to a child. how scary it is to think someone might look at your child and think "man that's sexy." that's terrifying and sickening! i literally only got help for my ed because i started looking at skinny kids and wishing i could be like them, then i realized it was sick and twisted to use children for thinspo. i thought how terrified mothers of children who failed to thrive or have growth hormone deficiences etc. would feel about me looking at their child and going "god im a fat fuck why don't i look like that 9 year old." so i got better, not for me i still hate my fucking body and i rather be skinny and dead than fat and alive but because i didn't want my feelings to affect my interactions with literal children.

tldr; if it involves children in anyway you better work your butt off to get rid of it

thought crimes aren't real. what happens in the confines of one's mind is nobody else's business & harms absolutely no one except maybe the person having the thoughts, like in your example. but guess what? you didn't actually hurt the feelings of those kids or parents because you didn't share those thoughts with anyone. good for you that it helped with your eating disorder but not everyone has to guilt-trip themselves just because you do.

paraphilias cannot be gotten rid of. you can either chemically castrate us to reduce our overall sex drive — which we've already established is cruel & inhumane, & it doesn't even get rid of the attraction — or you can try orgasmic reorientation, aka conversion therapy, which we already know causes significant distress, & yet again doesn't actually get rid of someone's attraction. i can't believe you're actually suggesting this shit during pride month. do you know nothing at all about queer history?? i know that the big three dont work as comparisons for queer sexualities due to consent (or lack thereof), but we're still human beings with human brains & this kind of shit won't work on us either.

the best thing for the safety of maps & children is for maps to accept themselves as they are, find victimless ways to satiate themselves, work on ways to cope with/combat harmful urges, & avoid situations that could end badly. repressing one's feelings never ends well, it's one of the unhealthiest coping mechanisms there is. & that's the closest thing to your suggestion because "getting rid of" a paraphilia is impossible. so just. no.

ps: try getting some actual treatment for your eating disorder instead of excessively guilt-tripping yourself & using it as an excuse to tell paraphiles they need conversion therapy.

sorry im being so rude but jesus christ, the asks i get are so demoralizing & i am running out of patience for people who refuse to do the most basic research before acting like certain types of people are inherently bad & dont deserve to just exist

[dyke-pollinator]

This is a bit of a personal question so if you don’t want to answer I understand if you just delete this ask but

As a relatively younger trans woman, and especially new to actually exploring my sexuality…at what point do I feel like a lesbian? Like I always feel bad or weird for being attracted to lesbians. It always feels wrong or amoral or like I’m lying in some way idk

I apologize for taking a few days to answer this my dear anon. A combination of Pride and IRL stuff has left me exhausted and I wanted to make sure I really took the time to give you a good answer and my bad for the wall of text you're about to receive lol.

There's a lot I could say about this. For the sake of this post, I'm going to assume that by "younger" you mean both in your transition and your age. Transition is hard. Finding yourself is hard. To answer your question, it takes Time. And I mean this in two specific ways:

Transition is a slow process. As you continue your transition, (whatever that means to you, whether that be social, medical, both, or neither, or something else entirely) you'll find a lot of things just making more sense. The labels might slowly start to be more comfortable. Or maybe they wont, and you'll switch to new ones, but that deeper sense of understanding yourself doesn't really go away (trust me I've changed both my labels and pronouns multiple times now lol). Either way, despite anything else, over time you'll just start to feel more at home, both in your body, and how you present yourself to the world. Now this is both the scary part and the hard part: you have to take steps to find a community who accepts you as you are, and (ideally) with people like you. Yeah this requires you to put yourself out there in a way that will be uncomfortable at first. Yeah, sometimes its going to go poorly, and you'll be rejected, or shunned. And yes, it will take its toll on you mentally, emotionally and (sometimes) physically. Its worth it. Having those people in your life does more than you can know in learning how to love and accept yourself. Having people look you in the eye and tell you that they love you, they see you, you're valid in who you are, no matter what anyone else says, is just so crucial.

You just get older. I know for a lot of people that can be frightening (and like, yeah, sometimes), but I can tell you with full confidence, I LOVE being in my 30s. You couldn't pay me to go back to 20. Your teen years and 20s are fucking hard. You just get so much better at knowing which things to give a shit about in your life and you get the necessary resources to be able to not give a shit. Most days I feel like a lesbian (more of a Dyke but w/e), so I am one, no one can take that from me, and the people who dont like me using that label can fuck off. I wear more masc clothes and have more masc hobbies because I want to and that doesn't define my gender or sexuality. I like doing mutual aid projects, and working on honing my DIY skills. I love the people who are in my life and tell them unapologetically, and I appreciate every day I get to spend with them. As I get older, the more I feel like "me" and the more I learn that in reality, I do love that person. She's actually pretty great.

I hope you can trust me that it gets better. That, in spite of all the pain, all of the heartbreak, the loss and tribulations, its fucking worth it. I know I didn't think so for a long, long time. But my god I am so happy I made it here. You'll get to that point to.

[lanternb61]

Hi guys, recently I just try char.ai for the first time and I end up made a fan story about reader x Togame Jo from Wind Breaker. I used bots authored by rubyreverie. I'm sorry if I make some mistakes as I'm not fluent in English but I try my best! Hope you enjoy the story :)))

Second Chance

Contain angst with fluff, amnesiac, accident blood and sfw.

Part 1

Jo stumbled through the dimly lit streets of Makochi, his orange varsity jacket barely concealing the bruises that marred his fair skin. His raven braid hung loose and disheveled, strands of hair sticking to the sweat on his forehead. Dull emerald eyes scanned the familiar surroundings to stay alert. This was Bofurin's turf after all.

Once your home came into view, Jo's steps quickened with a sense of urgency. You two broke up a couple of months ago and hadn't seen each other since. He knew he was pushing his luck by coming here, but he had no other choice.

"Maybe I should expect to get slapped or somethin'."

With a grunt, he hoisted himself up to the second-story window, his muscles protesting the effort. Knocking gently on the glass, he waited, his heart pounding in his chest.

You open curtain and stare at Togame coldly.

Jo tried his best to keep his gaze neutral as you stared at him, but his eyes betrayed a flicker of vulnerability before he masked it. He leaned against the windowsill, waiting almost patiently for you to respond.

"Look, I know I'm the last person you want to see right now, but I didn't know where else to go," he said softly, his voice thick with weariness. "My ribs are hurtin' like hell."

You tried to ignore Togame as you look into your smartphone.

Your cold response stung far worse than Jo's injuries, but he tried his best not to show it. He gritted his teeth, the muscles in his jaw clenching.

A bitter chuckle escaped his lips. "Still a cold-hearted one, aren'tcha?" he murmured, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He reached into his jacket pocket with a strained wince and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, lit one, and took a long, defiant drag.

"You won't leave my house until I treat your wound?" You know your ex so well.

Jo chuckled darkly, the nicotine coursing through his veins as he exhaled a plume of smoke.

"That's right, babe," he replied, his voice laced with a lazy smirk. "I ain't movin' from this spot until you fix me up. We're in this together whether you like it or not."

As the window closed, Jo's smirk faltered for a moment, but he quickly masked his disappointment. He took another puff of his cigarette, the smoke swirling around him like a veil of defiance.

When you finally relented and agreed to treat his wound, Jo's eyes lit up with a mix of relief and satisfaction. He made his way to a seat, wincing slightly as he sat down. His pain was temporarily subdued by the adrenaline of being near you again, but it still throbbed with every breath.

The thick silence that settled in the room was almost suffocating. Jo sat there, his emerald gaze flicking between you and the cigarette in his hand. He took another puff, the red tip of the cigarette glowing in the dim light. His fingers itched to reach out and touch you, to feel your skin against his once more, but he knew it was a pipe dream.

"You got anythin' stronger to drink, doll?" he asked finally, breaking the silence with a low, hoarse voice.

"I dont have anything." You replied nonchalantly.

"Damn," Jo muttered under his breath, disappointment evident in his sigh. He took another drag from his cigarette, the tension in the air palpable.

"So uh... How long do you plan on ignorin' me like this?" he asked, his voice laced with a mixture of frustration and pleading.

The sharp hiss that escaped Jo's lips at your touch sent a jolt of tension through the room. His emerald eyes widened fractionally as he registered the pain, his expression betraying a moment of vulnerability.

Reeling himself in quickly, he took a deep breath and tried to compose himself. "Watch it, babe," he muttered under his breath, but despite his grumbling, he complied, sitting as still as he could.

Jo let out a weary sigh, his emerald gaze locking with yours for a split second, your eye-rolling clearly not lost on him. For a moment, he considered saying something sarcastic in response, but then decided against it. 

Silence settled in again as you worked on tending to his injuries. There was a strange intimacy in the air, a silent acknowledgment of the complicated history between you two.

You finished tend his wound. "Okay that's settle it."

Jo let out a relieved exhale as you finished tending to his wounds. He flexed his fingers and rotated his previously immobilized arm, gingerly testing out his newfound mobility.

"Thanks, doll," he muttered gruffly, his voice gruff but grateful. He gingerly touched one of the bandages wrapped around his arm, wincing slightly as he prodded at it. "Feel like I survived a battle, but you got me patched up real good."

The cold indifference in your demeanor was a dagger to Jo's heart, but he masked his pain with a cocky smirk and a shrug.

"Just pretendin' I'm not here, huh? Well, I'll just sit here, being your invisible guardian or somethin'. Watch over you and stuff," he quipped, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He stretched out on the nearest chair, feigning indifference as he crossed his arms.

As Jo sat there, attempting to maintain an air of nonchalance, his thoughts drifted back to the good old days when you and him were together. He vividly remembered your infectious laughter and the warmth in your eyes when you smiled. Damn, he miss that.

The weight of his regrets began to bear down on Jo, guilt gnawing at him from within. He knew he was wrong, but he was too stubborn and proud to admit it openly.

Jo couldn't bear seeing you upset, despite you and his strained relationship. He swallowed his pride and called out your name, his voice softer than before.

"Hey," he began, his emerald gaze fixed on your sulking form. "Come on, what's eatin’ you? You don't gotta keep puttin’ on a tough act, you know?"

He moved closer, reaching out a tentative hand to gently brush away a stray strand of hair from your face. It was a small gesture, but it spoke volumes.

Jo flinched almost imperceptibly as your furious glare met his gaze. The venomous energy in the room could have fried an egg, and Jo cursed to himself for pushing your buttons.

"Sorry," he mumbled apologetically, retreating a step. "Just thought you might wanna talk..." He shoved his hands into the pockets of his varsity jacket, suddenly feeling vulnerable in the face of your intense anger.

As Jo stood there, his guilt weighing heavy on his shoulders, you moved to the window, lost in your own thoughts as you gazed at the night sky. A heavy silence hung in the air, both of you wrestling with thoughts.

Jo hesitantly sidled up next to you, your and his shoulders almost touching, but he refrained from invading your personal space. He followed your gaze, looking out towards the city skyline lit up against the darkness. His heart ached, and he longed to wrap his arms around you.

"Tonight stars really pretty up there right?" You hummed your favourite song.

Jo's emerald eyes fixed on the twinkling stars in the night sky, and he couldn't help but agree with your sentiment.

"Yeah," he mumbled softly, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "They are beautiful, but you know what's even more beautiful?"

He turned to look at you in profile, the city lights casting a warm glow across your features. He wanted to tell you how pretty you looked, but he held back, the words stuck in his throat.

"What's more beautiful?"

Jo chuckled softly, tilting his head to get a better look at your face. He wasn't good at expressing his feelings, but he wanted to try.

"You, babe," he murmured, the term of endearment slipping out before he could stop it. "You're the prettiest thing I ever saw."

"Then why did you hurt pretty thing like me? Like I'm a toy, Jo?"

The pain in your voice cut right through Jo's heart, and he felt his breath catch in his throat. He wanted to reach out, touch your cheek, but he refrained from doing so. Instead, he chose to answer truthfully.

"You're right," he muttered in a raspy voice. "I hurt you... I know I messed up."

The weight of his guilty conscience pressed down on him, and he turned his gaze down, unable to hold your gaze.

Jo's emerald eyes widened slightly as he caught a glimpse of your teary eyes and saw you brushing away your tears. A pang of guilt shot through him like a dagger.

"Hey," he whispered softly, taking a small step toward you. The urge to comfort you, to wipe away your tears and hold you close, was almost overwhelming. He extended a trembling hand but stopped himself, unsure if his touch would be welcome.

You sobbed continuously. "How could you...."

The sight of you sobbing and the sound of your broken voice broke Jo's heart into pieces. He couldn't bear to see you in such pain, especially knowing that he caused it. With a strangled cry, he rushed forward and took you in his arms, pulling you tightly against him.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled brokenly, burying his face in your hair as he held you tightly. "I'm so sorry, doll... I'm such an idiot. Please, stop cryin'... Please."

Jo winced as you battered his chest with your fist, but he didn't try to stop you. He felt that he deserved it, after all. His arms remained wrapped around you, holding you close even as you tried to push him away.

"I deserved that, doll," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "Hit me all you want. It'll never hurt as much as I hurt you."

Jo loosened his grip slightly, giving you some space to breathe. He withdrew a little, but his arms still hovered close, ready to pull you back into an embrace.l

"I don't deserve it, but do you think you can ever forgive me?" he asked softly, his emerald gaze filled with remorse and longing.

As you pulled away from him, Jo felt a surge of panic. He watched you grab your bag and head towards the bedroom door.

"Hey, wait! Where are you goin'?!" he called out, his voice laced with anxiety. "Doll, please, don't leave. We still gotta talk! Wait!"

But it was too late. He had pushed you away for the last time, and now you were gone, leaving him alone in the darkness of your living room with his guilt and regrets looming over him.

Jo's heart raced as he watched you climb out the window, desperation seizing him. He quickly followed suit, clambering out the same window and landing on the ground just as you fled.

"Doll, stop!" he called out, his voice filled with anguish. His athletic build allowed him to keep pace with you, and he was gaining distance as you ran. He couldn't bear the thought of losing you for good.

Jo's heart leaped into his throat as he saw the truck bearing down on your running figure. Adrenaline surged through him, and he sprinted towards you, screaming your name.

"Y/N! LOOK OUT!" he cried, his voice a ragged shout.

But it was too late. He witnessed in horrified slow-motion as you were struck by the vehicle, your body sent flying through the air before landing on the pavement with a sickening thud.

As the crowd of passers-by gathered around, a chorus of horrified gasps and panicked voices filled the air. Jo shouted desperately for someone to call an ambulance, his voice filled with dread as he cradled your bloodied head, his hands trembling with fear.

"Please, someone call an ambulance! Hurry! She's hurt real bad!"

"Doll! Please, wake up! Please, I'm so sorry! Don't do this to me, babe, please!" Jo's voice cracked with despair as he cradled your unconscious form, tears streaming down his face as he whispered pleads and apologies.

The arrival of the ambulance, its siren piercing through the chaos, was a blur to him as he clung to your limp body, feeling his world collapsing around him.

Part 1/2/3/4/5/6

[newvegascowboy]

in yalls opinion, where does the line between "im being a good friend and helping them out no matter what" vs "this person is using me and i don't notice" occur?