#and look. maybe im completely wrong. if i am i would genuinely love someone to explain to me why i should think otherwise

[hellonerf]

endless insanity incoherent shit about ame and love and family(featuring england and cana a bit specifically sorry france i actually do have thoughts about that there but i'm lazy and tired and this is incoherent already)(it didn't start off like that this is honestly like some stream of thought shit hence the incoherence)

some shit when i think about. sorry. colonial ame extremely upset tantrums theres no way england didnt hit him or spank him which would just upset ame more. ame would sulk and wish for england to drop dead because theres not much else he can say or do about the frustration. cana goody two shoes kid would be like why do you have to act out like that so much... ame immediate rage. probably hits cana like GO CRY ABOUT IT!!! and cana cries and then england walks in like America!!! and it just gets worse. but in the end when england has to leave again ame still clings and cries after england is saying his goodbyes. england does feel that he cares about ame deeply, so he does try to show his affection. theres some gap here between the care he shows and his "responsibility as a caretaker" if you will... and he's like a teen dad at this point? with his own shitload of baggage and ideas on responsibility from that baggage. man this family can be so interesting. i love tension

of course. this is just my crazythinking that in situations where, you could say, england's parenting was abusive of sorts, specifically in the physical way, to punish tantrums or etc... i think cana would be inclined to try to play polite kid to avoid punishment. and so he would feel maybe more vindicated? that he's the good example. in this it creates kind of a chasm between england/cana and ame. (why i think mapletea would just drive ame crazy wall smashing head insane, besides that ame already feels jealous/insecure like that anyways no matter what) this feeling is pushed by the revolution where ame and england are Like That, and here again cana sides with england(he's not Fully in it but he does technically side with england, and ame definitely views it like that). to him this is proof... of what you ask? i don't know..... that period where he was on decidedly bad terms with both of them, i always think he's like teenage-losing it about it. won't show it or at least will try not to of course, but it's genuinely something that eats at him so hard. (ame voice Nobody loves me. Everyone should love me. i could probably make that happen.) and ame decides things like that first and foremost with personal relations. this is specific, but im like, i think it's a mental testing he does on people. example, completely without their knowledge, someone's random act can register in his brain as an opposition to him, because his mind decided that's what it means.(somewhere subconscious). so for some time i'd imagine in his mind, that cana and england hated him, or looked down on him, or expected him to wind up dead anyways. ame is never not looking for approval and this fuels that sooooo much. it's like spite and anger and crying and stomping on the ground and in a way grieving. he's staring at the sky like it's unfair. they don't want me in their life. because i'm better than them. i hate them so much.(he wouldn't say it like this to other people, hate is a strong word, and i wouldn't say he hates them here either)

despite his bravado of "whaat? everyone likes me right?" the mental cogs are stuck here no matter what he says. cana loves him, even if it's so frustrating to, cana cares about him deeply. it fucks with ame's brain but he knows this deep down, that cana does love and care about him. at some point too he knows the same for england. but i also think he's like, specifically with cana too when he's specifically being really cynical about relations is like, "oh and he's only around... cause he has to be..." and ame wouldn't entirely be wrong there. and cana would argue so what! do you need a cosmic soulmate love to prove something? and ame is like (yeah i kinda do....). love can't just exist for you right here right now?! cana's love is "invalidated" in this sense. and also it hurts his brain too much to really think about the complexities in his relationship to both england and cana. that they really did care about him, but it's not easy. (hurts his brain... like why is interaction so stressful? why is it complicated? why can't people just go i love you and the end?). ame is not a romantic person but i think his view on love can get so fantastical like this. (he wants to be the one proposed to awwww omg you guysss...) at the same time it's a very simple view on love. he doesn't want to end up humiliated and is willing to humiliate others to avoid it. if love is true then there is One True Love... For him... JK! NOT FOR HIM!(slurps soda) who needs that shyit!!!(eats burger). a lot of things he can't/really doesn't want to accept. this is why i'd say anytime he ever felt feelings significant enough that even he would call it love it was mindnumbingly overwhelming. putting his eggs in one basket... don't fail me now!!! (and i always think none of his relationships are stable. duh. so). i like fics where ame is made to be like a crazy ex girlfriend. because he would. rather than love as a constant thing to do it sometimes feels more like an achievement or endpoint for him. something that happens at the end of movies lol... if love was happening REALTIME it'd be surreal for him to process. and like true genuine love not his fake idea of what love looks like

[lunarsapphism]

its baffling to me seeing people on tiktok say that straight men and women shouldnt wear carabiners bc its a lesbian thing. babes. people in general have been using carabiners to hold keys like this for ages. yes its historically been a flagging thing! however. its not strictly a flagging thing. people in other spaces use it because its convenient. you dont get to dictate other people's harmless fashion choices. you sound fucking stupid

[the-troll-book-of-mormon]

@davekatweek day 1: plush!

in which dave does not want anything remotely puppet-like to watch the proceedings

(+ my rushed attempt at dialogue below)

DAVE: hey karkat sorry to totally crush your wildest selfcest dreams here but do you think maybe we could put that cool guy away before we go any further here

KARKAT: WHAT?

DAVE: your squishy dude over there with the sideways mohawk

DAVE: lil kat

KARKAT: ARE YOU REFERRING TO MY CUSHION EFFIGY?

DAVE: ok theres absolutely no way thats actually the troll word for plushies but ill let it slide without completely derailing the conversation this time

DAVE: yes that guy

DAVE: could we maybe do this without him watching

DAVE: idk something about the way hes been staring at me with those big yellow depression eyes is just killin my vibe

KARKAT: ANY OTHER COMPLAINTS YOU WANT TO GET OFF YOUR NUB WHILE YOU'RE ALREADY SCUTTLING YOUR EFFRONTERY GASH?

KARKAT: WOW DAVE, REALLY GLAD THAT AFTER ALL THIS TIME YOU FINALLY FOUND IT WITHIN THE ECHOING CAVERNS OF YOUR HOLLOW PUMP BISCUIT TO TELL ME THAT MY "DEPRESSION EYES" ALLEGEDLY "KILL YOUR VIBE".

DAVE: i love your depression eyes you know i love your depression eyes

DAVE: dude what

DAVE: thats totally different

KARKAT: ONCE AGAIN I AM COMPLETELY MYSTIFIED BY THE BOUNDLESS GENIUS OF YOUR ATROPHYING SPONGE. HOW COULD I EVER HOPE TO KEEP UP?

KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW, DAVE, IS THIS A THING THAT I KNOW?

KARKAT: YOU DON'T THINK THERE COULD BE ANYTHING CONFUSING ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE CLAIMING TO "LOVE" AN ANATOMICAL FEATURE OF MINE THAT YOU SIMULTANEOUSLY FIND SO DISGUSTING THAT YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BRING YOURSELF TO ENGAGE IN CONCUPISCENT ACTIVITIES IN ITS PRESENCE?

DAVE: holy shit dude i cannot believe this is actually something youre stuck on

DAVE: this is a real unfortunate time to be getting into this but maybe its because your depression eyes are attached to the real life body of my sexy as fuck boyfriend and i can look at them and not get the weird fucking heebie jeebies about being watched or secretly filmed

KARKAT: OH.

DAVE: i mean look hes cute and all and on the one hand its genuinely hilarious that in a way were fulfilling plush karkats voyeuristic fantasies that he inherited from you

KARKAT: HEY!

DAVE: but on the other its kinda jarring that every time i glance up and see his weird little fabric face im getting flashbanged by my kid selfs fucked up programming and for a split second its like im seeing something completely different

DAVE: so yeah nothing wrong with his depression eyes specifically its just that theyre eyes and theyre not real and somehow that makes it way more real

DAVE: like maybe someone somehow snuck a webcam in there just now when i wasnt looking

DAVE: which doesnt actually make sense because first of all why

DAVE: and second of all im always keeping my eye out for that sort of thing anyway so i would definitely notice before we got this far

DAVE: but all this dumb shit just makes it kinda hard to focus on the actual depression bedroom eyes right in front of my face

DAVE: not to mention the rest of this effigy im tryin to get my ganderbulbs and prongs all over

KARKAT: OKAY I GET IT, STOP TRYING TO DISTRACT ME FROM THE FEELINGS JAM BY APPROPRIATING TROLL VERNACULAR.

KARKAT: I'LL PUT HIM IN THE OTHER ROOM.

...

i had more of the scene i could write, but it was getting long and im already late for day 1! maybe one day i'll actually write out a scene and post it on ao3

[our-polyamorous-experience]

So, I thought I was monogamous until I got a gf.

I love her, I love her so much, I genuinely am being risked disowned just so I can be with her. She is literally the light of my life.

Now my problem is, despite my love for her, I feel like something is just missing, idek if that is the right term for it. But I feel it.

I have dreamed of having another man in our relationship, just another guy along with her, in my head it feels like it would complete it. But like, I don't even know any thing about being poly, I have never thought myself to be polyamorous, I don't know if what I am saying even aligns with being poly.

But its not even sexual, I rarely think of it as sexual, just as a relationship. I know I am the dominant one in our relationship, not just in the bedroom, but overall, I am someone she can lean on.

But I want someone to lean on, I want a man, I want a boyfriend so fucking badly. I want someone I can share her with, I want someone she can look at and love just as much as me. And be someone he can love just as much as her and vice versa.

I have been raised in a super religious, super conservative household, I am eighteen, this is all so so new to me. I feel like I'm being perverted, or gross, or wrong, and I am so fucking terrified to bring it up with her, especially cause we're long distance.

But I love her, I love her with all of my heart, everyday I talk to her, I have talked with her more than anyone else in my entire life, she is my best friend. I don't even know if this counts as being poly.

I know I've got my whole life to figure this out, but man I was the ten year old who had a 20 year plan because I desperately needed structure and I am no different in my relationship or in figuring out my sexuality/gender.

Idek what this was. Should I talk to her about this? I can live without it, I know I can, but I feel like its something I need not want. We havent been together for even six months yet, maybe I should wait until we're more secure in our relationship. Brother, I do not know.

Anyway, thank you for listening and thank you for your blog. These are things I could never voice irl so having blogs like you does make a difference.

im gonna be so fr idk what to tell you other than "yeag that definitely sounds like youre poly". I'm glad youre starting to be able to figure yourself out, anon.

[ijusthavesomanyblorbos]

SG Starbee?

ok so im pretty sure ur referring to the ship starscream x bumblebee? if there's a character named starbee that idk about im gonna feel silly... but i'm just gonna assume u mean the ship.

as far as characterizations, i really leaned into the whole "child solider" age thing w bumblebee. (as i'm writing this, i am realizing i have basically NEVER TALKED ABOUT STARSCREAM??? so i need to do that immediately someone please remind me cause i will forget.) anyways, for that reason i don't know if i would place him into a ship with anyone.

plus, post war (which is where i think most starbee ships take place), bee is maybe... probably... in prison??? so not in any place where he would meet starscream.

ok so that's my offical statement on the lore. BUT i'm assuming you only sent this ask in because you like the ship and wanna hear about it!! so, hypothetically, if starbee WAS a part of this universe:

starscream is basically the complete opposite of bee.

bee is a manipulative, traumatized, slightly crazed people pleaser that's been exploited since birth for the sake of an apathetic overlord that only cares for him as a tool. he has no friends. he's never had friends- and really, he doesn't even understand why.

meanwhile, starscream is every bit as annoying as he is in canon. he is disobedient and loud and RUDE, and everything bee has ever been punished for. he is very clearly Doing It Wrong, and yet somehow...... he's happy? he's cared for!

it's not fair. it's just not fair.

(what bee doesn't see is this- starscream, despite his many eccentricities, is genuinely caring, and protective of the people around him. he's loyal, and determined, and idealistic to a fault. and those traits, after 4 million years of war, have endeared him to a truly staggering amount of people.)

(bee also doesn't see this: starscream is about to endear himself to one more.)

post war- bee has been allowed to rejoin society, on the condition that he makes as big of a show of it as possible. he is to serve as an example for the autobots on how to reintegrate. (relegated to poster boy once again.)

starscream is assigned to be his "diplomatic partner" in a "unity promotion campaign" between the remaining leaders of the deception and autobot armies. (starscream is assigned to be his babysitter, to make sure he doesn't fly off the rails, and to take care of him if he does.)

now, the expectation here is that hopefully, starscream and bumblebee will manage to put aside their animosity long enough that people settle and reconstruction can begin. eventually, society will become stable enough that "unity promotion" is no longer necessary, and they can go their separate ways.

that is not what happens. starscream, shepard of the lost he is, takes one look at this lonely, angry, hurting soul and goes oh! guess he's mine now :)

over the course of the next few years, starscream teaches bee how to advocate for himself. (how to be more than someone's puppet.)

starscream shows him how to really live. (how to be more than just a soldier.)

starscream helps him understand that there's more to life then fighting, that you can make a place for yourself in the world without clawing your way up and carving it out by force. (how to rest.)

and how can bee not love him after that? in some ways, he's still not... normal. in some ways, he is just as obsessed and devoted to starscream as he was the autobot cause. really, bee has just traded one idol of worship for another.

but for the first time in bee's life, that devotion isn't going to be abused. he's given his obedience to someone who will never, ever use it. and that's what love is, i think.

so, starscream gets a scary ass guard dog (that is really just a lap dog in disguise)

and bumblebee gets what he always, always wanted.

bumblebee gets to be loved.

[divorcedwife]

hi! i love your art SO MUCH and i check your blog like the morning newspaper to see if you’ve uploaded anything new (you always have and I LOVE IT!!! thank u for keeping us fed) anyway i was just wondering if you had any advice for actively creating so much? i used to draw all of the time but i find it so hard lately to make even one tiny thing, especially something that i like…..but when i look at your work and how much you create i am always so inspired! i hope this makes sense eeeek anyway have an amazing day and thank you for sharing your incredible work with us!!!!

thank youuuu thank you so much!!! ;___;

i totally get that, and it used to be my number one problem, creating at all. i remember being in art school surrounded by people who were always drawing, and me, i just couldn't, and i couldn't explain what made drawing so difficult for me

and i think what blocked me is that i was paralyzed by indecision - too afraid to waste my time making "bad art" to do anything, or the wrong type of art, art that' won't look good in my portfolio, art that's too silly and specific to me. so in the end i made nothing

what's really been helping me lately is that i have dramatically lowered my standards for myself. i sketch every idea i have, even if it's just putting down three lines, even if it's self-indulgent and silly. anything that excites me and makes me want to draw, i follow that excitement as far as it will take me. maybe that's a fully completely illustration, maybe just a sketch, or maybe somewhere in between

if the goal is to have fun and not making a masterpiece, i feel less pressure and i end up drawing more. and drawing more leads to drawing better! if you make 10 sketches and really pressure yourself to make them great, that's torture. if you draw 1000 sketches, some of them will turn out amazing

when i have ideas i sketch, and when im low on ideas, i have all these already made sketches to revisit, and as i draw i find new ideas! this avoids me having to face a blank canvas and desperately scratch around my brain for ideas. creativity does not like being scrutinized like a bug, it vanishes under pressure in my experience

i find that creativity can be a negative or a virtuous circle. not drawing leads to less ideas and more pressure to deliver something good which will keep someone not drawing. but if you find something that gets you excited enough to draw again and keep going, then you will get more ideas along the way. follow them! draw the same character 1000 times in a row. i tend to focus on mostly one of my characters at a time - i draw her, i think about her, so i want to draw her more, and so on. that's fine

if there's any part of drawing that you like more than others, maybe try leaning on that more, and remember you don't need to do anything you don't want to do. if doing lineart sucks, don't do that. if coloring makes you want to stop drawing, use black and white

but also, where i've also been very lucky is having people like you around! :-) having people respond and connect to my art with such enthusiasm and such kindness, it's incredible

genuinely i owe more to people online who like my art than anyone does to me for making it. i would probably still make art if i had no one to show it too (which is what i did in middle school lol), but it's very lonely. it's harder to create something if it feels like no one will care. and i've been there, i spent years on deviantart having zero followers and attention. so i think every artist needs supportive friends they can show their art to for encouragement

some people feel shame that they don't do art just for its sake, that they want followers and likes and all, so i just want to say it's normal to want that :-) like i do make my art for an audience, if it was just for myself, i'd look at it in my head

i hope any of that helps!! in conclusion, i think any kind of art is worth making. and it should be fun. i also hope this makes any sense - i have to go to work soon but i wanted to reply before that. and thank you again for your kind words!!!!! <33333333

[spelllingandthemysteryschool]

hi yaz 🍊 (<-for u) right now im going through that awkward friendless period of my life and have been for a while. i've been following you for a long time and wondered if you had any words of wisdom for those of us in the thick of it. thank you ❣️

(p.s - from what we see online you've seemed really well lately, and its genuinely very encouraging. thanks 4 spreading the joy)

hi! so sorry for letting this ask sit there for a bit... i wanted to make sure i could answer it thoughtfully! 🌟 i ended up writing more than i expected so i apologize if this comes across as a bit wordy.

first of all, thank you so much! it really means a lot to me to hear this... i am literally just Random Girl Online so i’m truly honored & i think you’re incredibly sweet to say so 😭💝

secondly, i’m sorry you’re feeling this way! it’s a miserable place to be emotionally & difficult to talk about... but i promise promise promise you will not feel this way forever. i was so lonely it hurt for a very long time, i guess if you’ve followed me for a while you probably remember. like it was PAINFUL how unpeopled my life was, and i was really embarrassed by it too because no one else seemed to be going through it quite so badly. but honestly, i think... most people actively are or once were lonelier than they are willing to admit, so it’s not an experience that’s awkward at all, and not something indicative of there being anything wrong with you specifically (which is all too easy a conclusion to come to), and it is definitely, DEFINITELY is not going to be this bad always. there are so many lovely people in this world who are just on the cusp of entering your life without your even realizing it yet... at one point last year i took a second to look around me & it suddenly occurred to me that things had gotten so much better for me in a way i genuinely never imagined during the worst of my loneliness, that completely unexpectedly i had come to know a good number of people i liked and cared about.

mostly all i can encourage you to do is to be around people in whatever way u can even if you don’t currently have a circle of friends to turn to. if your school or a local museum or a similar institution is holding some kind of lecture, attend it even if u don’t know anyone else who’s going! you might strike up a conversation with a stranger u unexpectedly get along with and make plans to get to know each other better, or you might just get to lightly chat with a lot of people who u never see again. both of these things are nice in different ways. if your workplace is holding a little potluck for someone’s birthday, go even if it’s just for the sake of having cake and cooing over photos of your coworker’s new puppy. text friends who live in the area who u haven’t seen in years, spend the afternoon at the park together & see if you want to make room in each other’s lives for these new versions of yourselves you’ve grown into. sign up for art classes where u can struggle through something you’re unfamiliar with alongside others who are struggling through it the same way & bond over this for a few hours each week. be the first person to text in a groupchat of people u only sort of know. tag along to study with someone from your class at the library & see if it becomes a regular thing with other people from the same class. maybe you won’t befriend all the people you go out of your way to interact with, but chances are you can and will befriend a few of them! and even if it doesn’t end up working out, a little camaraderie goes a long way in pulling a person out of the pits of despair.

if literally none of the above is an option for u in any way whatsoever right now, just try your best to keep going anyway. which sounds stupid probably, i’m sorry; i would have been CRAZY irritated if anyone told me this when i was so lonely i could hardly think about anything else. but i read a lot of poetry, i played a lot of video games, i watched a lot of movies, i spent so much time out of doors watching the birds and trees, i talked to my relatives more than ever before, i messaged some mutuals so often they turned into genuine online friendships that meant the world to me then and mean the world to me still. it hurt that i didn’t have people to share any of this with the way i wanted to but i still experienced a lot of really nice moments when i was alone & in some ways i feel more equipped to deal with loneliness after living through so much of it because i know now that i’m capable of enjoying things even in the throes of isolation. resilience isn’t sustainable and i sincerely hope you don’t need to be resilient about this for much longer, but your life is not on hold, and if u just keep going i believe you will still experience lots of meaningful and good things until your social life starts to pick up, at which point u will experience lots of other meaningful and good things!

also i guess i already mentioned this and definitely feel free to ignore this bit if it doesn’t apply to you, but be careful not to fall into the trap of thinking this is somehow your fault or because there is something inherently off-putting about you! this is absolutely not the case… not having enough or even any friends is just something that happens sometimes. it’s a much more common experience than it feels like & there is nothing wrong with you! believing this and giving in to the shame will cause you undue pain and isolate you further when people reach out or enter your life if you feel you aren’t deserving of friendship because whatever shape your insecurities happen to take. so just... try and be kind to yourself. this is something i struggled with a lot & that’s why i bring it up, but again, you can totally disregard it if it doesn’t align with your own experiences.

i guess that’s all for now! i don’t think i’m saying anything new, so i don’t know how helpful any of this was. i mostly just hope it wasn’t pedantic! i was trying to think of things that genuinely worked for me or things i would like to tell me of a couple years ago if i could speak to her somehow, and i ended up writing a lot because this is a topic that means a lot to me. basically i just mean to say u will be okay! with time and effort and a little bit of luck you will be okay & you will find yourself surrounded by the nicest friends and acquaintances who genuinely really like you and who you genuinely really like in return. loneliness is just something that comes and goes... sometimes it is a little harder and more painful to get through than other times but it never lasts forever. i hope you take care of yourself & i hope it all starts to work out really well, really soon ❣️ love u

[kookiecrush]

ig this is kinda triggered by the “as a jikooker, taekookers r deluded” comment…

im a taekooker but i rlly have these moments where i think we all must just be deluded (jkkers, tkkers, other shippers etc) bc everyone believes SO strongly that their ship is right and we all feel like we can back it up w “evidence”. jikookers genuinely see something btwn jm and jk and us taekookers genuinely see something between v and jk. i do feel like taekook makes the most sense logically (especially during the solo era) and i feel like i did a lot of research to come to that conclusion (including watching videos on a lot of other pairings like jikook), but i could rlly just have underlying biases that are making me see things between tk that my brain wants to see. to other shippers and fans tkkers r insane, to tkkers others r insane. so honestly aren’t we probably all insane lol ? ik it’s POSSIBLE that tk are together but it just seems so improbable. i often try to talk myself out of taekook bc like rly what r the chances of two members in the biggest band in the word actually secretly dating for like many years ? and they’ve been able to successfully hide it all this time ? and we believe they still are together ? idk it sounds too good/far-fetched to be true and like i can’t imagine a day coming way later on down the line where it would actually be confirmed or like super super obvious even without confirmation. but i can totally imagine a day where it comes out that jk is officially dating some girl or something like that and then we’d all be proven wrong. ik that leans into assuming heterosexuality is the default which is not good and i don’t believe that but i can’t help but to feel like nah we’re all just delusional and fantasizing and tk r not together. i do definitely believe v is queer in some way but maybe that’s all.

Maybe we are all delusional? I certainly thought the taekookers that actually believed taekook were together were delusional when I first started delving deeper into the ship. For a good while I was very resistant to the possibility of them being real. Because that's ridiculous, right? The clearer it became to me that there was actually something going on between taekook, the more and more I tried to deny it. So while confirmation bias is very much real, and I have no doubt that I'm guilty of it at times, it doesn't really apply to my actual belief in taekook because the foundations of that belief are built on a healthy amount of scepticism and doubt. I was looking for ways to disprove taekook, not confirm they were real. Yet here i am 🤷‍♀️

Is the idea of taekook so improbable, though? Wouldn't their situation have made it more likely, in fact? It's pretty obvious that there was an attraction between taekook when they were younger, that is something I'm confident of, and it's pretty easy for close friendship to turn into a romantic relationship when attraction and feelings are involved. Surely there's a higher chance of falling in love with someone when you spend all your time with them? It sounds like the perfect environment for something to develop to me.

In terms of them keeping their relationship a secret all these years, I highly doubt taekook's is the only hidden relationship going on. There's plenty of dating and relationships going on in secret within the industry. Idols have alluded to it many times. People have even got married or had a baby without anyone finding out, so I don't think taekook's situation is that much of a stretch.

You seem kind of bothered by the fact that you have doubts about taekook, but that's completely normal, anon. Realistically speaking, we can't say with 100% certainty that taekook are real, can we? You don't need to come to a concrete decision about taekook. You don't even have to believe in taekook at all. It doesn't have to be black and white. Think of it more like a spectrum. Maybe you're only at 60%. Maybe you'll never be sure about them. There's nothing wrong with that. I truly believe taekook are together but I also leave a little room for the possibility that I'm wrong.

At the end of the day, what everyone else believes is irrelevant. Just focus on what you believe, anon. There's no right or wrong decision. Honestly, I think some doubt and uncertainty is far better than just blindly believing everything. If we just accepted every random taekook theory without ever questioning anything then we really would be delusional.

[atopvisenyashill]

general thoughts-

this is ep 4 & 5, which means i’m onto ep 6 and beyond and that’s usually where i start falling asleep and go “actually there’s another show i could be watching” so that’s gonna be fun aksjdj

if jory has a million fans, i am one of them. if he has one fan, i am that fan. if he has no fans it means i am DEAD.

i think john bradly is kinda awkward at first but i definitely remember him improving. he comes off a bit insincere in some spots to me but he has good chemistry with kit - when sam is like “so you DIDNT know where to put it” and jon runs over to whack him, that feels very genuine, just two boyfriends besties fucking around.

i do love alliser thorne walking in like “i know what you are” can a man not have a giggle with another man. he’s such a hater.

just the immediate, zero hesitation “you’re too fat for your armor” oh i Know ned desires that man carnally

i have completely forgotten why hugh hammer was important i had to go look him up ajsjdh

ned looking back at littlefinger like “alright we’re friends but let’s not get unserious here” when he puts his hand on sansa’s shoulder

JOFFREY STANDS UP IN ALARM (and interest) WHEN SANDOR JUMPS IN, and joffrey keeps looking at robert to see what robert is going to do, he’s like impressed, slightly concerned, excited, then you see robert kinda look joffrey’s way before he says to stop. jack, mark……………deserved award nominations dammit…….

the little fish pin bran is playing with while he’s thinking of his mom…… “from the moment i placed her in your arms to the moment she dies, she will love you” “sometimes i think you are too smart for your own good” IM GONNA SCREAM ACTUALLY.

not i moved closer to the tv to get a look at the lil fish pendant and then ros’ boobs were just right there 😭😭 i’m not saying i don’t respect sexposition but i am saying we could have gotten nedcat sexposition instead of making ros do all the heavy lifting here.

Conleth Hill is so funny as Varys. He’s got perfect comedic timing, his cadence when he’s going back and forth with someone else is always spot on, you’re always getting the feeling he’s laughing at you.

me and my sibling like to decide out loud if it’s a “good enough” reason to use that word and i’m sorry “they say the eyrie is impregnable” “i’ll impregnate the bitch” Not A Good Enough Reason To Use That Word

Ramin is a genius for this score, the way the music in the scene in the Eyrie is so unsettling but never loud, staying at the same low level until tyrion gets to the sky dungeon and THEN starting to crescendo? i love him i would die for him

this renly & loras scene is the sexiest scene in the whole series. the focus on the hair around renly’s nipple. the bitchy way they snipe at each other in between trading new pieces of hot goss. loras bullying renly into committing treason. “if you want hairless maybe you should find a little boy” “i want you” RICH coming from the man who groomed his squire.

jory’s death & this fight scene always stands out in the series and the show does a great job making it stand out too. that absolutely visceral eye horror where jory’s still aware for a few seconds & the way they REALLY let sean bean & ncw start warming up with the sword skills only to CUT THAT SHIT OFF and jaime is so upset but not enough to do anything different. really fun.

changes i noticed

i feel like they made theon much less weird. where is his inappropriate giggling. why is he not flirting with robb’s mom. i do like this convo between him and tyrion though, don’t get me wrong, i love the dynamics of it, and i love the way it’s in conversation with theon’s story as it goes on - both in that he enters another absolutely stupid ass war bc of pride, and also that he’s going to become physically disabled, but here he invokes an ableist insult towards Tyrion to soothe his own wounds over Tyrion taunting him specifically about his fondness for the Starks being so pathetic considering his status as a hostage. Tyrion says something cruel and Theon is cruel right back; this is traumatic and yet just another Tuesday for both of these men.

i remember so much discourse about this tyrion/theon scene and like which one is more ~problematic~ in this scene and it’s like bro. they’re both being huge assholes here for a very specific reason and they both deserved to get clouted what do u want from a convo between two of the most maladjusted characters in this series aksjdj

Having Petyr creepily whisper Sandor’s backstory which he shouldn’t even fucking know in Sansa’s ear instead of letting Sandor tell that story himself. Beyond that I just Don’t understand the fascination d&d seem to have for aiden’s acting and littlefucker as a character, i just don’t get the point of taking like The Foundational Sandor/Sansa scene, which is also Foundational to Sansa’s changing concept of morality and honor, as well as the overreaching concept of what a True Knight is, and giving it to a character who just Does Not Fuck With Sandor Like That. i hate this. it’s one of my favorite scenes and they just destroyed it for what. for a dude otherwise known for being the Worse, Less Sexy version of brian kinney?? rory mccann would have Killed This Scene!! I FEEL RAGE!!!!!!!

ONCE AGAIN they take the kill catelyn makes to save tyrion’s life and give it to tyrion for…..WHAT. FOR WHY. I WANT THEM DEAD FOR WHAT THEY DID TO CAT OMG.

Okay here we go, weird Theon. I think this Theon/Ros scene starts out good but it could have ended better. Like, the way he can’t even go to a brothel without being mocked for being a hostage. His fixation on Tyrion’s sex life. The way he is too close to Ros’ face when he’s talking to her. I like that last “i don’t want to pay for it” “then get yourself a wife” exchange but i think his comment about his father and her return should have been sharper. It’s missing that Pizzaz that the other added scenes have.

They changed up the Council scene by changing the wording to include the “honorable fool” nonsense, and also cut out barristan so ned doesn’t have someone on the council who he actually gets to come around to his argument, as well as cutting several points of his argument. It’s so stupid. They think Ned is so fucking stupid. ugh.

This next Robert/Cersei scene isn’t imo as good a setup as some of the other ones, because I don’t think Robert OR Cersei are emotionally in a space where she could come up there and argue that much with him and still get him genuinely explaining why he feels a certain way to her. On the other hand, the actual dialogue is VERY in character - Robert breaking down his worries about Dany is good, Cersei being both angry but also deeply curious about how to lead the realm, the way they both start drinking together and cracking up at the idea that their marriage is holding the realm together. Amazing. I love the way the redness seeps out of Robert’s face as the conversation turns serious. It’s almost like he wants to reach out to comfort Cersei, but he does it once again in the most selfish way possible by laying this horrible emotional burden on her shoulders. “does that make you feel better or worse?” “it doesn’t make me feel anything.” it’s so good. i can’t believe neither of them were nominated for this.

i also really like this scene for the later parallel they do with Aemon - the way Robert’s love for Lyanna is so meaningless, an excuse for him to disappear into his vices, she was so nonexistent as a person to him that he can’t even remember anything but the idealized stone statue of her face, and here is Aemon so much further removed from his loved ones, so far removed from even when his memory involved seeing, and he pours over every detail in his mind to remember her face

[fieldspaintedgold]

journal entry 8000000000

I don't know if it's my hormones, bc I did my shot this morning and am for some reason bleeding, or if its because this is the first day off I've had entirely alone, or if its mental illness or what.

I just needed to fucking write and writing in the physical journal makes my hand hurt and takes so long that i end up overthinking things. I'm not even overthinking right now, im just so sad?

I've been doing chores all day. Went to the office to figure some shit out. I've been fine all day, i've been fine for a while now except for small cry sessions here and there obviously.

I realized about ten minutes ago for the first time in my life without someone having to tell me that I'm going through terrible depression. Literally nothing sounds interesting to me, idk if its just now or if its been like that for a long time. Maybe that's why I'm so codependent, bc literally nothing is interesting to me unless it is to someone else. Thats fucking terrible. I dont know who the fuck i am because of codependent depression.

I try to keep myself busy but thats all it is is keeping busy, distracting myself from the weight of not knowing what the fuck to do with myself while im alone. tv isnt interesting at all and it doesnt help that i have the actual attention span of a pine nut recently. I made legos the other night and it was fun-ish and i like the outcome but i havent finished them bc im just not interested. I have no drive to create anything.

I've been trying to look for things to make my apartment reflect who i feel like i am way deep inside. I look around my apartment and i wonder who lives there, because I dont feel like I should be the one that does. I feel like its all wrong. I listen to the music ive always listened to and it feels wrong. everything just feels wrong and i dont know how much better i could describe it.

I feel so lost.

I'm trying so fucking hard. I'm trying to get back to myself and remember who I am but i dont think ive genuinely ever in my life known who i am and trying to figure that out is terrifying. not scary in a sense that i dont want to, but scary in a sense that like how the fuck have i never known?

everyone keeps telling me to find a hobby. thats great. but i cant find joy in literally anything no matter how hard i try. i dont enjoy being in my apartment like i thought i would after a month. i know. give it time. but how much time is it going to take? as long as it takes. that sucks.

i just want to feel at least the same sense of whatever normal was before. not in a "my life is the exact same" kind of way, but like i had control of my life. like i knew what was going on and was at peace with things. good, at least.

I feel like im just pretending. Maybe i am just pretending. but i want to not have to do that. i want to actually mean it when i say "im good, how're you?". I want to not feel like the only thing that works inside of me is my heart, because its all i can feel. constantly. it has highs, when i feel love, and it has lows, when i feel the absence. but thats all im feeling. otherwise i'm completely hollow, like im an outline of a person and thats all there is to me. like people can see and pass right through me without a thought. like im just existing in this apartment with no real purpose or meaning. and i think im experiencing depression for real for the first time, which is silly because i've been depressed since i was 12. this is the first time ive really felt it and not had someone to tell me to force myself out of it.

im trying to force myself out of it though. because i dont know what else to do, all i do is sit here and distract and feel and maybe go to a friends house or my sisters to distract some more bc i have to pretend like i'm okay in front of other people, even those i love.

i really need my health insurance to start so i can go to therapy. i need someone to help because today has felt helpless, today has felt like i cant fucking do this, today has felt like i dont even know if i want to. i'm not gonna do anything stupid bc i'm terrified of death but this feeling is so overwhelming and i'm so tired.

and i feel like i cant tell anyone that im feeling like this because the person that makes me feel safe that i want to talk to about it wants me to learn to fix things for myself and i dont want other people to worry and i dont want to go back to springwoods. i cant go back there.

I've always said "its getting bad again" to signify that I'm starting to feel like 2016 again. but i think its bad again already. i dont feel good.

[sortableroseanimations]

yall wanna see a bullshit (and maybe slightly ableist) website? ofc u do come on.

context is im doing research about deaf residential schools for my sign language class. i wanted pros and cons. these cons are bullshit (as far as i have ever heard. someone please correct me if im wrong).

so heres our lovely little website

and i dont care enough to get into it. the one thing i will say is that their pros list is made of genuine pros

its good for your deaf child to be able to communicate with and relate to their peers! it is good for children to be social! it is good for childrens needs to be met!

however (i guess).

I cannot currently articulate why this is just... wrong? but to everything I have ever heard, this is incorrect.

now listen. im not deaf. i am a hearing individual, and i am learning asl to be able to communicate with more people. with that comes learning a bit about deaf culture.

i may be entirely out of line here. i could be completely wrong. and i would love for someone to correct me if i am wrong! i want to know if im looking at this the wrong way, and i want more perspectives! (preferably from deaf people but i cant really verify that over tumblr, nor would i make you prove it!)

idk. i know it isnt my place but it rubbed me the wrong way? and like i said if this is out of line tell me! i want to know! as long as youre polite enough about it i am completely fine with being told im wrong! i just wanted to try and get a wider perspective, and i figure tumblr is the most effective way to do that!

(also, ill apologize if the tags dont quite make sense? like i said im hoping to get a wider perspective here.)

[nahalism]

Yeah I am possessive and I’m don’t really care to admit it. If I want to love just one person and be committed to them why aren’t I entitled to the same treatment? If someone wouldn’t be ready to give me what I’m looking for I’d just leave I wouldn’t start making demands of them to change clearly that’s just not them.

I do see your point when you said that we have parents, children and friends that we can all love at the same time but even amongst all those people you will only form meaningful and close bonds with a few. I’m the kind of person who believes that you don’t need romantic love in life in order to be happy, society has just brainwashed us especially women go think that romance is the ultimate goal/purpose on earth and that without it life is meaningless, I don’t get attached to people I know that for most they won’t be staying in my life for long.

I do find the idea of staying with someone that has feelings for someone else strange because clearly they’re not all in with me, how come I managed to not get feelings for someone else? And yeah they’re them and I’m me but they’re not offering what I want anymore, isn’t it fair for me to live my truth and not settle for anything less? Also I wouldn’t want to hold them back, I would simply remove myself very fast. Maybe I stay with them now but then they catch feelings for someone else again what’s the point in that? Having to worry about my significant other falling for someone else? And yeah ok let’s say they genuinely love me too, here’s my favourite question: so what? Like falling in love with someone else isn’t something easy (at least to me) it’s the kind of thing that takes time and proximity so 9/10 the significant other was probably entertaining some shady shit, let’s not be naive here. Honestly romantic love is the most fickle kind of love, it’s truly overhyped, maybe I’m the one who’s unlucky in love but sometimes I truly do not see the point in it idk. I do have a transactional way of viewing most things so again I very aware of my own biases, maybe one day I’ll fall in love with two people and have to eat my own words that would be very funny, I’d laugh and remember this conversation lmao.

loool that would b funny. but equally your completely entitled to desire what you desire so if thats monogamy and mutual possessiveness go for it, and i know for a fact you'll find it and build something beautiful within it!! <3

cause ur on anon im empowered to give my unsolicited opinion lmao, — all ill say is i sense a slight avoidance thing going on here. you may genuinely want monogamy which is absolutely fine and reasonable to want, but i feel like someone (single or multiple) rly let u down & affected your faith in other people or willingness to trust/open up. & if that is the case i just wanna sayyy there are a lot of gooood people in this world. some of whom might disappoint you despite their best intentions, & some of whom may do things or feel a way about the world/people in it that diverges from what you feel and as such challenges your sense of security & safety in your relationship with them.

if you know in your heart that person loves you and didnt intend to cause you harm, it is still worth staying, repairing the relationship and loving/giving the best of yourself to them. not for them, but for you. because 1) conflict resolution is key 2 monogamy. & 2 but really 1) love and connection is human nature. denying love as a form of protection is a double loss. first loss: love & second loss: to the people who hurt u and jaded ur heart.

if im wrong ignore my opinion & just take my love instead and good wishes over you instead🌞. come back to msg me when u find ur love, & pass une bonne journeeeee 💋

[shinobuscanonwife]

HIHII!! Kikuo Anon is backk!! And i am now awake xD

Thank you for doing my other request! I love all the demon slayer characters really, so that wont be nothing to worry about (^^) i also had a hard time choosing a character but now i have one!

Could i request The Hashiras & maybe Zenitsu Agatsuma and Enmu (execpt Gyomei) With a S/O who has a Elysia Personality from Honkai Impact 3rd

(So… I’m not good at explaining her personality as well as the others so i would highly suggest researching her personality for a litgle before writing this but i’ll show some pictures of what she looks like)

Thank you so much and have a amazing day!! (Here are the pictures as well!! Please dont mind this blog😭 this is my alt im still renovating)

shes so prettyyy omg im so happy i have her in the game ^^

AAAAAA I LOVE HER SM HER AND APONIA R MY FAV CHARACTERS

Zenitsu

He dies every time he talks to you but like in a good way. You always tell him how handsome he is and for the first time, he feels genuinely loved. He can sometimes be quite negative about things so your cheerful and positive personality is really helpful for him. He gets kind of jealous sometimes because you seem to compliment/praise everyone you run into. One time Tanjiro was with you and Zenitsu and you started telling Tanjiro that you liked his earrings and how you thought he was very strong. Zenitsu looked at you with a disappointed frown on his face. Don't worry though you assured him that you didn't have any feelings for Tanjiro and only loved him.

Enmu

The way you constantly encourage and praise him does something to this man like his face is bright red every time you say something slightly encouraging to him. Most of the demons he spends his time with aren't very cheerful so it's nice to talk to someone as cheerful as you. He gets jealous a lot too. Not like Zenitsu but he still wishes you wouldn't be so friendly with everyone.

Mitsuri

Bro every time you compliment her she dies. You and her kind of have a similar personality so it makes sense that you two started dating. Sometimes she brings you to training sessions with her and you'll just be cheering her on the whole time and she can't focus on her training because she's so flustered. She loves your compliments so much omg. She's a bit insecure about how she looks but you reassuring her that she looks gorgeous is literally all she needs.

Shinobu

Loves your cheerful personality. After a long day of missions and dealing with the other Hashira coming home to you is all she needs. Your personality is so comforting to her. You praise her constantly whether it be you praising her during a training session or you praising her for making a new medicine it doesn't matter she adores it all.

Sanemi

He gets so flustered whenever you compliment him. "Sanemi is that a new scar? Wow, it makes you look so handsome dear" You told him one night when he got back from a mission. His face immediately turned red. "Yeah, whatever go to sleep it's late >:(" Gets really jealous really easily. He hates when you compliment another Hashira. He knows it's just how you are but he still can't help but get angry whenever you compliment another Hashira. Especially if it's another man. Like he saw you praising Giyuu after a training session he had. Giyuu was getting visibly flustered and when Sanemi saw that he took it the wrong way and just glared at him. Giyuu saw Sanemi and as soon as he did Giyuu interrupted your praises and said "I'm sorry Y/n. I must go"

Giyuu

You and him were complete opposites. You were extremely cheerful and you complimented everyone. You did kind of have a secretive side to you but that's the only flaw you had. And Giyuu was quiet and kind of negative. Surprisingly he liked your personality but whenever you complimented him his face immediately turns red. "Hey Giyuu has anyone ever told you that they like your eyes? I think you have the most beautiful eyes in the world.. " Giyuu wasn't used to people complimenting him he blushed and responded. "Um.. No nobody has ever told me that"

Obanai

Bro he's just gonna die on the spot. Every time you complimented him his whole face went red. "Obanai!! Your eyes are so pretty and your hair is so soft!! You're so pretty :D!!" You said while you were sitting on his lap one day. "Y/n..stop.." He couldn't even make eye contact with you his face was so flushed. He has never really had anyone encourage him or compliment him at all so it's nice to have you even if he does get flustered easily.

Tengen

Tengen thinks you are very flashy!! He doesn't really get flustered when you compliment him he already knows he's amazing so he just responds with "Thank you y/n!! You're very flashy as well!! >:D" He thinks it's very admirable how you try to be nice to everyone even if you don't really care for that person he struggles to do that himself so he asks you how you stay so calm around people you don't like.

Rengoku

Omg he loves you so much. You complementing and encouraging him makes him so happy. He thinks you're the cutest thing ever you get along great with Senjuro too. "Don't worry Senjuro, I think you'll become a fine swordsman. You just need to train a little harder you'll get it soon!!" You told Senjuro when he was feeling a bit down about his sword still not changing color. Rengoku gets flustered sometimes when you compliment him but it's not often. Normally he just gets happy when you compliment him.

Muichiro

He never had someone encourage him so much. Sometimes he gets frustrated about his memory problems and you are always there to encourage him. "Don't worry Mui it's not your fault everyone forgets things" Even if they were simple words they meant a lot to him. He didn't understand how you stayed so cheerful all the time but he loved it. It gave him hope whenever he was upset or frustrated.

Thank you for your request! Have a nice day/night

[idontwantotsayimgodbut]

confessions

__________________________________________

fem!reader x mammon

cw: angst with comfort, bullying (?), fluff, fingering

* not proof read

__________________________________________

you watched as he walked past the attendees of RAD, the way he smiled at them and the girls all stopped to stare at him, looking him up and down, in all honesty it infuriated you, but who could blame them ? the avatar of greed one of the most important men in the Devildom. Not to mention how incredibly attractive he was, after all not everyone’s a model.

but more then angering you, the way the girls ogled Mammon made you feel dejected. were those the girls he’d go for ? did he love them ? would they make mammon happy? would you make him happy ? so many thoughts raced through your head as you watched him finally approach you.

“y/n! are ya ready to head on home?”, he questioned. since the devildom can be quite a scary place for humans, Lucifer had taken the executive decision to assign a brother each day to walk back to the House of Lamentation with you to ensure your safety, and today it was Mammon’s job.

“ I am” you mumbled out as you were finally snapped away from your thoughts. You both started to walk through the halls of RAD as you watched people look at the two of you and whisper to each other.

“what’s he doing with a human?”

“I bet he only puts up with her because Lucifer told him to”

“ there’s no way she’s worth Mammons time!”

and maybe they were right. maybe he was being paid by Lucifer or even Diavolo to show you hospitality. “Hey y/n, you okay?” he asked once you both were finally outside the piercing eyes of the public. you couldn’t tell what came over you when you blurted out “no im not”. although you didn’t completely regret it, maybe if you told Mammon how you felt, and if he rejected you afterwards you’d finally get over him.

His eyes seemed to be full of genuine concern, “well what’s wrong?”. He couldn’t quite understand what was wrong but he couldn’t bare the idea of you not being alright, after all unbeknownst to you, he was head over heels in love with you. “ I… really like you… a-and you don’t have to say anything i just needed to get it off my chest.”

you voice was wobbly as you tried to hold back tears, bracing for the rejection, alas, it never came. Mammon was stunned for a minute he couldn’t believe someone like you could fall for him, but the second he heard those words fall from your lips, he just knew he had to have you. he took his hand into yours and asked “do you trust me?”

you were left perplexed by his question but you reluctantly nodded. he walked you over to a secluded place, not far from the RAD building, and for a moment he stopped to simply stare at you, until admiring your beauty wasn’t enough, he wanted more.

he moved closer to you and whispered “do you know long I’ve waited to what those words from you?” and with that he kisses you, lightly at first, testing the waters until you kissed him back with more passion, he deepened the kiss as well. he let go of your lips, and left kisses and marks all along your neck, for all those to see.

you put your hands on his uniform, feeling his body as you were absolutely smothered in kisses from the white haired demon. he stopped for a second, and looked into your eyes and breathlessly whispered “ let me show you how much I love you”, you nodded eagerly as you awaited his next moves.

making sure no one was around, he pushed you up against a tree and slid his fingers down through the leggings of your uniform, slowly stroking your clothed pussy up and down with his pointer finger, eliciting heavily moans from you. he was quite a tease, and you wanted more, as you bucked your hips towards his fingers

“is there something you want darlin?” he slyly asked with a smirk. “i want you” you replied, wanting to feel his fingers on your bare pussy. “oh ? and what do you want me to do pretty girl?” he mused. that pet name turned you on even more then you already were, “i want you to finger me” you moaned out as you shut your eyes.

he swiftly entered your pussy with his pointer and index finger, skillfully playing with you pussy, you felt yourself get closer and closer as you plead for more from him. he started rubbing your clit from simultaneously fingering you causing you to go wild, babbling his name.

“that’s is darlin’, i love it when you moan my name like that” mammon said as he felt your insides clamp down on his fingers. after a few more seconds you came, and he helped you catch your breath before his kisses you, passionately.

“ y/n, i know what people says bothers you but i don’t give a damn what they think because i love you so much.”. hearing those words you felt yourself start to tear up again, as you kissed him back, “i love you too, Mammon”

and with that, he grinned, looking very proud of himself knowing that you were all his, and his alone.

__________________________________________

a/n : hiiii i hope you enjoyed also i feel like this was rushed idk tbf it is 1 am but regardless i hope you enjoyed and I hope you all have a fantastic day <33

[movetobiimos]

:: mi estrella. camilo

── camilo x gn!reader

── synopsis: you believed that every star has it’s own pair, sadly yours don’t…until you found him

── first time writing camilo and oh god im sorry if this is weird. Please do know that i am not hispanic so if there is anything wrong please tell me. And i hope you enjoy this (>^///w///^)>💚

"Have you ever considered how many stars might exist beyond the glaxaxy, beyond the earth's surface?"

This question made Camilo wonder more about what stars are, as he had initially thought they were merely lights in the sky. But when he sees you, he thinks it means more; with all the constellations in the sky, he thinks you can show him more.

"I used to believe as a child that one day I would reach up into the sky and touch the stars. 'Sweetie, one day you'll find someone who can carry you up and the stars above,' Mamá would say. She was convinced that the stars were destined to meet someone special." "Do you think that as well?" you asked Camilo, your eyes twinkling with adoration. He was speechless and didn't know what to say. The twinkle in your eyes, the way he looks at you, shows complete admiration. It felt so good to be here with you, and he appreciated the peacefulness. Why is it that you know how to pull his heartstrings.  

"Did you find anyone?" Camilo inquired, his voice tinged with sense of wonder. He wasn't sure what 'someone who would lift you up to reach the stars' represent. Thus made him more curious than ever. 

"I used to never believed what mamá told me, maybe she wanted me to be happy once I grow up. But actually now I believe what mamá said was true ." You returned your gaze to Camilo, you noticed that his heart was beating as you approached his face. "Have I ever told you that...you're pretty? T hat it's even more breathtaking than the sky above us." From what you said, that was his cue to turn bright crimson. You giggle at his reaction, and you hate to admit it, but you have new feelings for the boy in front of you. Every day, he manages to make you grin or feel shy.

It's now your turn to repay the favor.

"I thank my lucky star for guiding me here, traveling through all of the constellations we can see. Every night, under a sky full of adventures, I used to wonder if I would ever meet someone to raise me up. However, the stars did guide me to someone. They illuminate my path and lead me to someone I'd never met before with whom I might share similar ideals. And I have the ability to lift them up to the stars above us." Your hands extend up into the sky, as if grabbing the puddle of stars that surrounds the sky. Bringing it up to your chest. Camilo glanced at you puzzled but with genuine interest, his curiosity killing him and wondered who that person could be as you closed your eyes to finally feel this moment. Somewhere in his head, he hoped it was him, that he was the one who could be lifted to the stars.

"Who did it lead you to?"

"It brought me to you. Of course, it's amusing, but it brought me to you, and I'm grateful for that." Butterflies swarm his chest, giving his face a deeper shade of crimson than before. He couldn't believe what he was hearing and couldn't tell if it was true or not. But he could tell you were serious by the look on your face, and he couldn't help but smile.

"Mi estrella," you said lovingly. As you cup his cheeks with your delicate hands, you say. You were overjoyed that he was your lucky star, a star that is extremely hard to come across, and that you were the one who had discovered it. He can't be replaced by anybody else. 'Mamá was absolutely right when she said I'd find them....' You thought to yourself as you gave Camilo one final loving gaze, and he couldn't help but give you a hug filled with profound affection. It made you feel special since you could feel his heart beating.

"I love you, mi estrella," you whispered, your head resting on his shoulder. And when you raise your eyes to the sky once more, you notice that your lucky star is no longer alone.

[f1nalboys]

Okay, okay! So I love your poly!Ghostface dark/angst, but I wanna see you do some poly!Ghostface dark/fluff too(if that's a thing?)! Still unhealthy/toxic relationship, but one where their feelings are at least actually true and genuine. Trio vs the World shit. Best Friends to Lovers blah blah blah cause you know Im a slut for that lmao. NSFW too if you're willing 👀

AHH so glad I finally got to this request I'm sorry it took me so long :(( HOWEVER i had fun writing it!! i really hope you enjoy (ps, no smut unfortunately i tried to add it and it was coming out wrong ahhh) flashbacks are italicized! 

WORD COUNT: 2352

WARNINGS: toxic relationship, kinda cute moments between the three of you, cursing, little bit of stalking, threats of violence, no nsfw because i was a little lazy sorry :,(

Had someone told you five years ago that you'd be dating not only Billy Loomis but Stu Macher as well, you’d have laughed straight in their face. And yet here you were, curled up on the couch between the two, your legs thrown over Billys and your head resting on Stu’s shoulder, watching a horror movie. You smile softly as you feel Billy’s hand grip your thigh slightly. He never seemed to realize he was doing it which made it even cuter.

“Remember the day I met you guys?” You question, head moving off of Stu’s shoulder when he turns to look at you. He gives you a goofy grin and nods, kissing the tip of your nose. “Sure, baby. Why?”

“Did you think we would have gotten together? Like, back then?”

“Definitely,” Billy says, poking his finger into your side. You raise an eyebrow at him, catching his hand and holding it in your lap. He sighs, grinning slightly. “Alright, maybe not the day we met, but I knew pretty soon. Why? What’s got you thinking about it?”

You shrug, not really sure yourself. Something about the situation you three were in at the moment made your mind drift to those few awful god damn weeks. “You two really sucked then, you know? Honestly, I’m surprised I didn't kill you both.”

Stu gasps, throwing himself back with a hand on his heart. You roll your eyes; ever the dramatic. “You would have hurt us? I can’t believe this… the betrayal!” You elbow him and he sits back up, laughing, and wraps his arms around you, planting a few sloppy kisses onto your neck.

“We weren’t even that bad, babe.” Billy says, eyes widening as you glare at him.

“Not that bad? Do I need to remind you of the first thing you said to me when we met?” You shoot back, sitting up closer to Stu. You had already forgiven the two for how they acted then, but that doesn’t mean you can’t give them a hard time.

The first day you met Billy and Stu, it had started out good. You still didn’t have many friends but that was perfectly okay with you. You were sat in the grass outside one of the buildings where your next class was held, waiting. Thirty more minutes and you got to go to math; yay. You were leaned up against a tree, headphones in, trying to relax, when two men stood in front of you. They were pretty cute. One was tall, wearing a thin sweater and a goofy grin, while the other was shorter with dark hair and a smirk. The tall one's mouth moves and you pull your earbuds out, about to apologize for not hearing him, when the shorter one speaks.

“Pretty stupid to wait for someone to talk to you before taking your headphones out.” His smile was still there but it was clearly masking his annoyance. Your eyebrows raise in surprise at the gall of this dude. You don’t even know him and he thinks he’s owed a conversation?

“Excuse me?”

“What? You’re deaf and a bitch?” The taller one slaps the back of his head immediately and he grumbles, rubbing the soreness. You scoff, shaking your head, fuming. Was it just this dude or were most people here dicks? You didn't want to find out.

You stand, grabbing your bag and pushing past the two, heading towards the building. Your eyes instantly roll into the back of your head when you hear the sound of footsteps behind you. “Hey, I’m sorry about him, really. That’s how he jokes and sometimes it comes across as mean. I’m Stu and he’s Billy.”

Stopping in your tracks you turn to face Stu, the taller one, and take a second to think of a response. Glancing over at Billy, who had finally caught up with you, you can see what resembles regret on his features. “Well, he didn’t come across as mean, he came across as an asshole.”

Stu laughs, nodding. Billy shrugs, giving you that same weak smile he had shown when he approached. You shrug your backpack up higher onto your shoulder, the weight of it starting to get to you, when Billy grabs ahold of it and yanks it off of you. “What the hell? Give me my shit back!”

“Least I can do is to carry it for you. You going to class?” He asks. It’s like he wasn’t taking no for an answer. You give a large sigh and nod, silently thankful for the weight off your shoulders. “Which building?”

“Sycamore.” He nods and begins to walk there, you and Stu trailing behind him. “Is he always so...?” You ask Stu under your breath, trailing off, unsure of a word that could describe the man. He grins and nods. “Annoying? Mean? Stubborn? Yes, yes, and yes.”

Billy groans at the memory, annoyed. He hated when you brought that up. “I told you I was just having an off day! Come on, you’re acting like Stu didn’t offend you too! Do you not remember when you got food with us, like, that night?” Stu punches Billy in the shoulder hard, pissed that he had brought it up.

“Oh yeah! I kinda forgot about how much of a dickhead Stu was,” You say, leaning back against the couch. It really was a shock your relationship with the boys got to where it was now.

Billy and Stu followed you around all day. It seemed they were trying to apologize for Billy’s attitude earlier but, if you were being honest, it was kind of unnerving. After your math class, where they had walked you inside the building and only left when the professor came in, you saw them waiting outside under the tree you had been at.

“Can you guys stop following me?” You had told them the third time you noticed them, this time at the small diner you stopped by after your last class. Stu’s face turned red and he looked behind him as if there was someone else you could be talking about. “Yeah, you two.”

“We wanted to apologize for earlier,” Billy said, motioning for you to join them at their table. You had to choose which one to sit next too and, after your not-so-pleasant meeting with Billy that morning, you sat next to Stu. He sticks his tongue out at Billy who rolls his eyes.

“You already apologized. It’s getting kind of creepy.” You say, placing your elbow on the table. Before the boys could respond, the waitress walks over, placing down their drinks. She flashes you a smile and takes your order, walking off with a sway in her hips, much to the boy's enjoyment.

Stu throws an arm over your shoulder and you shrug him off, ignoring the pained look he gives you. “We just wanted to make sure you really knew we were sorry! Billy here never acts right around a hottie,”

“Stu you fucking idiot.” Billy spits, throwing something at him. Stu laughs, holding his hands up in mock surrender. Billy looks at you and gives you what looks like a real, genuine smile. “Sorry about him; he can’t seem to think with his upstairs brain.”

“Don’t need to when my downstairs one leads me to be sitting next to a smoke show,” Stu says, holding his hand out to you for a high five. Your face flushes and you ignore him, scooting away from him slightly. He was cute, sure, but way too forward. “What? Can’t compliment people anymore?”

“Not when your compliments are preceded by stalking.” You mutter, a part of you hoping he doesn’t hear it. Unfortunately, he does. You see his face change in your peripheral vision and your eyes flick over to Billy. He grins at you, sitting back in the booth, and taking a sip from his drink. He was enjoying this.

“Stalking? You’re fucking with me, right?” His rant is cut short by the return of the waitress who hands you your drink and places the food the boys had ordered onto the table, completely oblivious to your discomfort. She leaves and Stu grabs a fry from his plate, chewing loudly. “We’re not fucking stalking you - trust me, there are better ways to spend our time.”

Billy throws his balled up straw wrapper at Stu, catching his attention, and you let out a soft sigh of relief when Stu’s demeanor changes. He was back to smiling and laughing as if he hadn’t just been attempting to tear you to shreds. “Sorry about that… I’m pretty tired, that’s all.” Stu says, playing with his fingers.

“S’okay, I guess.”

“Why don’t you let us take you on a date? You know, as an apology?” Billy chimes in and Stu grins, nodding. A large part of yourself was screaming no. There was something off about these boys, something dark just under the surface, but you were intrigued. And so you smile.

“Yeah, I guess you two can do that.”

Billy had his arms wrapped around you, laughing at the excuses Stu was stammering out. He was obviously getting frustrated at the memory and you opened your arms to let him join in on the cuddling.

“You know, I really am glad we stuck together. I don’t know what I’d do if it were for our nightly cuddle sessions,” You say, your words muffled by Stu’s sweater. He pulls back and gives you a kiss, Billy swooping in to take one from him as well.

“Yeah, I don’t know what I’d do without our fuck sessions,” Stu hums and you groan, punching him in the shoulder. What a way to ruin the moment. “Wait, let’s not act like you were a saint in all of this! I remember you being pretty awful at one point.”

“What?! No way!”

Billy nods, tickling your sides for a second. “Sure were, babe.”

Two months into the relationship was your breaking point. You really did like, if not love, the boys and yet you were still an outsider. Walking into the shared apartment just for their whispered conversations to stop. Late nights spent in the living room with hushed voices while you tried to sleep. You felt as though you only knew a portion of the two people you had come to like; no, love.

You admit it was petty. It wasn’t the right thing to do in any circumstance, but you did it because you knew it would get a reaction. You had packed a bag and sat in the living room. You wanted them to see you leave. Wanted them to see how much their secrecy had taken. You had been together only a short while and yet you felt so at home with them that the idea of actually leaving, of breaking it off, nearly tore you apart.

The door opens and in enters Billy and Stu, wrapped up in their own conversation. Stu waves at you, carrying on before realizing what he had just seen. “Babe? What are you doing?”

“I’m leaving.” Your voice was confident, not a waver in sight, and you knew it was because you weren’t planning on leaving. Some would call it manipulation, sure, but you were backed into a corner. Stu’s mouth drops open and Billy stares at you, his eyes narrowed.

“What? What do you mean you’re leaving? What’s wrong? Did something happen?” Stu rushes to sit down next to you on the couch, not wanting to accept the idea that you were leaving them on your own volition. His arms wrap around yours and you shove him off. “Babe?”

You shake your head, standing from your spot on the couch, grabbing ahold of the bag. Billy was still standing near the door, his arms crossed, watching you. “Don’t call me that. The two of you… It’s like I’m not even in this relationship. I’m an outsider with the two people I love and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.”

“Where the hell is this coming from?” Billy questions, grabbing ahold of your arm when you try to walk past him. His voice is thick and you could see the vein in his forehead throbbing. He was angry and you hate to admit it but that’s exactly what you were hoping for.

For the next two hours the three of you talk about your relationship and the future of it. Stu cried, you cried, Billy sniffled a few times, and then you came to an agreement. No more secrets. They told you things that they hadn't told anyone before that they hid behind a vague threat of ‘once you hear this you’re stuck with us,’ and you told them things you had planned on taking to your grave. To say you weren’t shocked at what they told you would be a lie.

Murder wasn’t what you thought they were capable of and especially not murder so gruesome. But, oddly, you felt better about being with them. They trusted you, loved you, enough to let you know their biggest and darkest secret. And you loved it.

Knowing they wouldn’t hesitate to kill for you was a major turn on, which they soon found out.

“Wow, I really was kind of horrible, wasn’t I.” You mutter as Billy recounts the memory with a few interruptions by Stu. You didn’t remember it that way but the more they talked the more you could tell they were being honest. “Well, good thing we stuck together, hm? Would have been pretty bad if we hadn’t.”

“Yeah because we would have killed you,” Billy whispers into your ear and you shiver. He’s telling the truth and that’s what makes the relationship the way it is; they choose to be with you, to keep you around, to love you. “Yeah, we would have given you a call a while ago,” Stu says, his finger making a slicing motion across your neck.

You roll your eyes not because you don’t believe them but because you do. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.