and if I said that dennis’ insistence on being the breadwinner/provider despite literally being a pampered princess who dgaf about traditional roles of masculinity in every other regard (aside from ego) is because his mom only stayed with/chose frank for his wealth and dennis is highly aware that he’s difficult to love and unable to show his emotions openly so he has to be contributing something to the relationship materially in order to feel like he’s worth staying for… and mac grew up with parents who were extremely ambivalent to him and eachother so he has to overcompensate by proving his worth at every given moment and seeking praise/validation from people (and religious icons) who will never demonstrate the same amount of dedication to him but he has no idea how else to desperately keep himself close to those he loves other than by eroding himself into something they’ll approve of… dear god they’re both exactly what the other needs — someone who can’t and won’t leave them even if they try — and they don’t even see it…
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i think dennis' biggest problem with mac's behavior in dennis' double life is mac's automatic assumption they are a couple now, without any input or confirmation from dennis.
mac is not wrong for realizing their relationship extends beyond platonic, he just didn't allow dennis to reach this conclusion as well. dennis hates feeling out of control, but mac publicly exposed dennis' vulnerability in tends bar and then he pushes dennis into doing the couple scheme without realizing dennis is still reeling from, what is essentially, mac's confession
additionally, dennis is confused by mac's mixed signals. mac wants to be a couple but he wants things to stay exactly the same (the apartment), mac tells dennis he loves him but when talking to mandy, mac focuses on their sex life. dennis has no way to discern whether mac's confession and insistence on them being a couple comes from love or lust, and because of dennis' issues with sex, he views these two as mutually exclusive. mac also says he has no problem "pretending" to be in a relationship with dennis for the rest of brian jr.'s life, which of course dennis takes as "i'm going to pretend to be emotionally involved with you to receive the benefits of a relationship (sex)." dennis rejects him because he doesn't want to lose the emotional aspect of his relationship with mac by becoming intimate because he doesn't want to be reduced to being mac's sex object.
what makes this situation worse is dennis' reaction is justified, because when dennis comes home from north dakota, he sees that during his absence mac has made a sex doll in his image in lieu of an actual relationship with someone else. this confirms dennis' worst fears and cements his belief that mac only cares about having sex with him, because if mac was looking for love, he could have found it while dennis was gone.
maybe things would have turned out differently if mac had slowed down and waited for dennis to catch up. maybe if dennis could see mac wanted him without sex, he would have been able to open himself to both. communication could have save them, but mac and dennis are poor communicators and now they are left with a fractured relationship neither of them are happy with
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hi! sorry, no pressure for my favourite author and all, but I just can't live anymore with this pressure of uncertainty and sadness every time phone notification from my mail is not from ao3 about it.. so I need to ask is there any plans for a chapter 2 of Adversary + Antigen? it has such a great chapter 1, magically written and fabulous plot, can't get it out of my head and still waiting chapter 2 so so much :)
Hey hey friend,
First, I just wanted to mention how excited reading your ask made me feel! Definitely put a smile on my face to hear that you're anxiously awaiting an update, I am too. Even as I was writing the first allergy fic, I was already kind of thinking about what Murdoc might do with that information and how he would choose to torment Mac with it. I am so pleased with how the first chapter turned out. It has more depth, emotions, repercussions than I envisioned when I started daydreaming.
And then I just kind of intimated myself out of finishing it.
It'll be okay, I'll get through it. I just have to panic about it a little first, it's part of my process.
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getting a new laptop tomorrow/monday. my current one's really started to break down (programs freeze constantly and it starts overheating at the slightest of strain), so it'll be nice to have a fresh one. i'm gonna try to resume making six edits once i get it.
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