#and martin thinks that the only reason they were together is that jon needed an anchor

[hauntedhotel]

Kinda obsessed with the difference between Martin's perspective during the apocalypse and Jon’s.

It's the difference between "I know you might hate me right now" and "I love you, I always will, and I know you love me"

It's the difference between Jon not being able to trust anyone, not even himself, but never for a second doubting that Martin loves him and Martin never being sure Jon’s feelings for him won't change.

It's the difference between Jon not always being loved perfectly and Martin having never been loved before.

It's Jon spending the entire apocalypse telling every monster they come across that Martin is his boyfriend, have you met Martin, this is his boyfriend Martin, his anchor, his last tie to humanity, his reason to still be hoping for a better ending. It's Martin telling his Lonely-self that if it comes down to it he'll ask Jon to destroy him and not being sure whether Jon will say no.

Even the jealousy, which is slightly played for laughs, still comes down to Jon being like "aw my boyfriend's getting all possessive 🥰" whereas deep down Martin has never let go of the idea that under different circumstances Jon could do better.

They're more emotionally open with each other during the apocalypse than they are for the years leading up to it, and they still don't stop misunderstanding each other.

[bonzos-number-1-fan]

JMJ: Frankenstein; or, the Modem Prometheus

Originally this was going to be titled "So Your Favourite Couple is Dead." but that would probably be a better outcome.

Spoilers for The Magnus Protocol episode 1, and all of The Magnus Archives by implication, below the cut.

This is going to be building on a couple of ideas I've seen throw around. Too often to cite any particular source, unfortunately, but I've not seen this conclusion reached and I think it might have more backing to it. Additionally, it's built upon the assumption that because "Chester" and "Norris" share VA's with Jon and Martin that they are Jon and Martin. Which naturally leaves that other J for "Augustus" being Jonah.

A very common thread in the conversations around episode 1's incident reports is that they're foreshadowing the major themes/beats of the show. The second one is obvious enough; don't got to the Magnus Institute. A sentiment we can all get behind. The other, a story of partial reanimation, has been taken to be a warning that the people you love don't always come back the same. I think that's likely the implication but a potential clue hasn't seen any attention AFAIK.

Before we get there though I need to briefly explain the history of JMJ. If you were a part of the ARG you'll know all about Colin's Code Collection. For those who don't know out favourite OIAR code monkey kept a selection of projects on the OIAR servers and through some covert means we gained access to this. Lots of it was normal stuff like Colin thinking he could improve Linux. However there were several encoded strings left by _6A1F7106A_$. These strings contained a few things but of importance for us is a few code blocks encoded in a monoalphabetic substitution cipher where the ciphertext was alchemic symbols. 6A1F7106A itself is an encoded string but unlike the rest of the ARG it was encoded in three layers. 6A is hexadecimal for "J", while 1F710 is Unicode for "🜐", and 🜐 was "M" in the aforementioned alchemic cipher. JMJ.

Now back to that incident. Coming back wrong was the entire premise of why that incident was scary. JMJ have come back too., and as that incident was about partial reanimation everyone ran with that idea mapping onto JMJ. But "Reanimation (Partial)" wasn't the only option for it as it could have bee "Reanimation (Amalgamative)".

This whole time they've been saying JMJ. It's not ever just been J, or M. Even before we knew it was JMJ it was 6A1F7106A. Always one string; like one name. We've been talking about how shunting the Fears through the portal could've mixed them together but they're not the only ones that could've happened to. So what if it's not about JMJ coming back wrong, but coming back pieced together into a new whole?

It's not just the naming either but how they act. An amalgamation of Jon, Martin, and Jonah vying for control. Jonah, again presuming Augustus is Jonah, is the rarest of the three because it's 2-on-1. Jon and Martin can try to suppress him. Additionally, the .jmj error also makes more sense if you treat them as a single entity rather than three entirely separate ones. The trailer initialises them all as separate things but any effects of them we see is a single name and given all the above they don't seem to be able to act independently. The reason the trailer mentions errors and undefined drives for the master–slave drives would then be because there is no singular consciousness in control of the whole. There is a lack of authority, no truly dominant aspect to them, no hierarchy. So they're vying for control and causing those errors. The .jmj error, the encrypted text when plaintext would have been more useful, Fr3-d1 breaking down, the fact they seemingly can only manifest single personalities at once, Jonah's rare appearances. There is an obvious conflict at play here.

The opening to this wasn't a joke either. I was planning on writing about how they're likely dead for real. We've known Elias' VA wasn't coming back for a long long time so if it's Jonah in there it's OG Jonah. OG Jonah who doesn't have a body, which means more than likely whatever has trapped them hasn't stored their bodies. They're in there forever. No getting out. No returning to life at all. Just a cyberspace hell.

But at least they've got some close company.

[lizard-queen-izzy]

OK! WE'RE DOING THIS!

Everyone shut up and sit down. I'm talking about TMA. I am listening through for the first time, I'm through S1 and halfway through S2, and I already have many Thoughts. Today, we will be focusing on my evil ship thoughts, because I missed my chance when this was coming out so now I will subject you all.

I know Jon and Martin get together at some point, and yknow, that's all fine and good.

BUT I WANNA TALK ABOUT JON AND TIM, OK?

There is so much potential for something there, and they would be so incredibly messy after the S1 finale.

[I've lightly scrolled through the jontim tag, and I truly don't think there's enough of you talking about how tragic they are. Platonic or romantic, they're so so sad.]

They both worked in the research department before Jon was made Head Archivist, and even though they definitely weren't close, they were definitely friendly. My Firm Belief is that Jon was the only one who took Tim seriously despite his more lax attitude, he saw his strong work ethic and his dedication and treated him accordingly. And Tim was the only one who listened to Jon, the only one who thought he had anything to add and took his suggestions.

I believe they were hired around the same time, and once they met there was a silent understanding that they were there for eachother. It was nice to just have someone in their corner in this new environment.

When Jon got promoted to Head Archivist, he was adamant about Tim being on his team, because he knew Tim would help get the results needed. [I have a whole, how everyone got assigned to the team timeline thought out but that's not why we're here]

Tim is the only member of his team who Jon doesn't think would have written Antonio Blake's statement as a joke to scare him. Which means he trusts him the most out of all of them. Which wouldn't be as important if he showed distaste for them equally, but he regards both Tim and Sasha highly, and only really seems to have an issue with Martin at this point. So why would he trust Tim to not have written it but not Sasha? Unless he's known him the longest and has reason to put that faith in him.

AND THEIR CONVERSATION AT THE BEGINNING OF MAG 33?? You're gonna listen to that, the first time we as the audience meet Tim, and tell me you don't hear how much these two care for eachother? Even when Jon starts getting upset/loud, he calms quickly for Tim, and doesn't let himself fully yell at him. He also leaves it up to Tim to fix the mistakes, an example of him trusting Tim's judgement and work. And Tim is so calm with him! The man keeps getting worked up and starting to get loud, but Tim stays calm and let's him self correct and say what he needs to before proceeding himself. He knows Jon is stressed and has a lot on his plate. He knows these mistakes needed to be discussed with him and corrected somehow, but he's still not going to force Jon to re-record the statements if he really doesn't want to, he's willing to find another solution. And then he leaves to go work on it so Jon can get back to recording the statement.

And Tim telling Jon he doesn't understand the filing system and Jon explaining it calmly to him, admitting he doesn't really get it either but that's how it is.

You also have to see my vision for how the S1 finale effects them. A traumatic experience where they were both scarred mentally and physically in the same ways. Something that should have brought them even closer, maybe finally made them feel comfortable being proper friends outside of work. But they both react to it SO differently. And that is the beginning of their downfall. That is the beginning of the end.

Because Jon spirals. He stops trusting everyone. He pushes them all away and starts crossing boundaries. HE SPIES ON TIMS HOUSE. And he can't even calm down long enough to see why this bothers his coworkers. Why this hurts Tim.

The beginning of S2 from Tim's perspective is awful. Your first friend in this workplace is overworking himself, throwing himself back into work the second he's cleared physically well enough to go back. But he clearly hasn't moved past it, and you can't blame him for that. Everyone copes differently, but then he turns on you. He stops trusting you, starts pushing you away, starts spying on you. Can you imagine how much that hurts? To have the first person in this terrifying new job who ever put their trust in you, who ever believed in you, to turn on you just when you need them the most.

THEY ARE SO FUCKING MESSY. GOD.

Anyway. I very well may be back with more JonTim thoughts as I continue to listen. But this is what I have for you today.

[icannotescape]

The themes of choice in TMA is fascinating. People seem to have latched on to what Elias said about choice to the victim blaming extent that Jon did. He didn’t want this but he absolutely chose it? That’s not a fair statement. It’s not. He was given absolutely none of the information needed to even be able to fathom the consequences of his choices. Sometimes things were even stacked against him. An example being destroying the web table. Well, three different people suggested he do that and he didn’t listen. One of the people that suggested it ended up being replaced by the creature somehow tied to the table. What was the natural conclusion meant to be? Do you think you’d do better? I promise you wouldn’t.

I saw something a while ago essentially accusing Jon of giving the other characters nightmares, when the time in which the statements were taken, he didn’t know the implications of it. He didn’t know what would happen. He took statements as was defined by his office job with no understanding that it would have lasting consequences. He didn’t even understand he was compelling people until late into season 3. The nightmares weren’t figured out until after that. For all he knew the reoccurring nightmares were because people were telling him in great detail about terrible things that happened to them. Both sides were supernaturally tied into a contract they didn’t get to read. It’s miserable for both parties. Lest you forget he was forced to work closely with the cop that tried to give him a laryngectomy with a dull pocket knife.

When season 4 comes about he chooses to live. This doesn’t come because he’s afraid of dying. We know this factually based on his actions. He has very little concern in throwing himself into situations that may or may not kill him according to his knowledge at the time. It’s for the same reason he doesn’t attempt to gauge his eyes out without Martin. People he cares about are on the inside. He won’t leave them. He comes back choosing to trust the people around him. This turns out to be a bad move given what Basira is hiding, but it’s a bad move in the same way everyone’s decisions were bad moves. They don’t have enough information about the situation or other people to make good choices. Elias and the Web carefully orchestrated the situation in which every outcome has the opposite effect of what was intended. This is a tragedy. All roads lead to ruin. Choices aren’t choices when you don’t know you’re making them or your only out is to abandon people you care about and cause yourself significant bodily harm if not death. This is a tragedy.

The idea of a choice in the series is a joke. It’s pushing responsibility of the crimes of those up top to the people down on the bottom. It’s petty to argue who is at fault on that level similarly to how policing individuals on disposable straw usage isn’t going to stop corporations from mass polluting the ocean. But it’s easier to yell at the people at the bottom so we do it. Similarly to how half the characters lash out at Jon. He’s an easier target than Elias, especially if your lashing out on your own. But they didn’t know each other well enough. They were only put into a group together reluctantly and by coercion. They weren’t found family. They didn’t bond. They didn’t even figure out how to work together. And that, my friends, is an easy to manipulate situation. This is a tragedy.

Season 5 is a farce of control and power for Jon. The Web gets exactly what the Web wants. It had all the pieces in play for a deranged Rube Goldberg machine. Just pull in all the right places and the pieces come crashing down. Martin was a very important piece, you see. Jon’s morality wasn’t so movable—I do believe that Jon’s decision for the panopticon was a moral decision. It may not align with your morals, but it was a decision based in morality nevertheless. It was a decision that didn’t align with Martin’s belief. The argument wouldn’t have gotten Jon’s morality to move but they didn’t need to do that. They just needed the process to start and for Martin to be up there as everything was collapsing. Jon wouldn’t change his morals but he couldn’t watch Martin die. He famously does not care about what happens to him but does care very much about what happens to Martin. So, the Web got its way. This is a tragedy.

It’s somewhat natural to over analyze all the pieces and think “if someone did this one thing differently, it would have all been different.” I don’t think the characters were given so much allowance in universe to ruin the Web’s stitch. This was a masterpiece built by the Web for the Eye’s consumption. Choice is an ad lib over forgotten lines, not something that can rewrite the script. This is a tragedy. We bought the tickets.

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

TMA Appreciation Week, August 12: Somewhere Else

Spoilers through MAG 200.

The first morning was odd.

They'd fallen asleep on the single bed without a protest, dropping their ozone-scented clothes on the floor, and collapsing naked together onto the musty sheets.

Neither had cared. Jon's side was still bandaged, and still sluggishly bleeding. They'd traveled a portal and landed in a field and been crushed by a corpse and panicked and stitched and somehow walked ages (Jon said it was 5.2 kilometers) until they'd seen this house at fuck-o-clock in the morning and found it empty.

Martin could smell himself. He was ripe. Quietly as he could, he slid out of bed.

He didn't look at Jon more than once.

At Jon's sleeping face, strained, brown skin gone gray with pain in the morning light. At his dark hair streaked with white, and all the lines in his face and neck that Martin knew were closed eyes.

At the most beautiful man he'd ever seen that made him want to cry or thank whatever gods there were or maybe just grab Jon like a pillow and lie on top of him for the duration.

Martin made himself go shower.

When he got out, it was to the smell of burnt toast.

#

"What do you think you're doing out of bed, Mister Sims?" Martin said with a weak smile, and was only half-joking.

"Hi," said Jon, looking nervous and uncomfortable and hopeful and red, his bandage already bled through, his feet bare. He swallowed. "I... just wanted to be useful. Not a burden. You know."

"Oh, Jon." Martin approached him carefully, steps light, as if determined not to spook. "You're not a burden. Let me change your bandage."

"Your second statement absolutely belies the first," said Jon loftily.

Martin laughed. "Dork. Come on."

"But I already burned toast for us and everything," Jon said with a weak smile of his own, but let Martin lead him to the tiny, dusty table.

It took a few minutes to change the bandage; the knife-wound was ugly, jagged, ragged. It had been bad enough when the Web's portal sucked them away, but then Jonah Magnus' dead body had landed on top of them, dislodging the blade in the worst possible way.

"Gonna need to stitch this," Martin said, taping.

"I'm sorry," whispered Jon.

"Don't be. You were probably right." Martin hated to say it, couldn't meet his eyes. "We've damned a whole new universe. I know you were right. I know."

"Then why did you go through with their plan?" Jon said, almost sharply.

Martin met his eyes. "For the same reason you couldn't go through with yours."

"I couldn't lose you," Jon said, haggard.

"And I couldn't lose you," Martin said, soft.

Jon's face twisted. But a moment before he could get too bad, Martin came around the table and knelt on the floor and wrapped himself around Jon in a hug.

Jon stayed seated, bent over Martin's head, and wept softly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Martin's hands were firm on his back. "You think you're the first person to ever make a mistake in a relationship? I know you weren't yourself. We're going to be okay."

"I kept thinking of you," said Jon. "Remembering you. The Eye didn't want me to, but I wouldn't let go. I wouldn't let go. It's why I could... still change direction, at the end."

Martin's breath was shaky. "That's why we're going to be okay. I forgive you for breaking your promise if you forgive me for ignoring your pain."

Jon inhaled and held it.

"I know," whispered Martin. "I get it now. You were so ready to die, and you said it, you said so, and I just... didn't listen. That's my fault."

"Nothing is your fault!" Jon said, his fingers digging into Martins' back.

"You're here, Jon. And because you are, so am I. And because we are... we're going to be all right."

Jon's sniffles slowed. "We're going to be all right."

"We are. We're going to make it."

"I believe it because I have you," Jon whispered. "Forgive me."

"Already have," said Martin.

"I love you," said Jon.

"Always," said Martin, and tilted his head back for a kiss.

PART ONE HERE

@tmaappreciationweek

[hrhoffman]

So I finished binging The Magnus Archives

and I genuinely have so many thoughts that I can't even put into words

Spoilers for TMA as a whole, I guess

I'll start with Sasha because I want to do every point that hit heavy for me and if I don't do it in order I'll forget something

The idea of being replaced and forgotten, just, my God. And really, how little of the real Sasha we even got from the whole podcast is tragic. We got so little of her, liked her when we first heard her encounter with Michael, and then, boom, she's gone. Replaced. And as listeners, we Know Something will happen, but you just get that building dread every episode, what will Not!Sasha do? Is there a chance real Sasha could come back?

And by the end, we forget about Sasha because of everything else happening.

Tim was worse for me because as soon as his new arc was building up, I knew immediately there was ever going to be one ending for him. His building anger, his loss of his previous self, the information on his past and how it related to the next big fight they were going to. It was obvious he was going to get blown up as soon as the explosives were introduced.

And we don't get much mourning for Tim, because Jon is in a coma, Daisy is trapped, and Martin is losing himself.

I could go on a whole side tangent about the Lonely, make a list of all those hard hitting lines Martin said.

I'm not enough on my own. Can't get it out of my head.

The finale hurts. I can't stop myself from crying. I keep going back and forth about Jon's character

We watch him make questionable decisions for the entire podcast. His whole conspiracy fueled paranoia and just driving everyone away as if it's going to keep them safe. His final choice to take over instead of Elias

It's selfish, because ok, fuck lemme try to get this in words

Jon and Martin are opposites the whole time, I think

Martin's big speech to Peter and Elias where he says, "I'm not a chosen one" always stood out to me. Because there's times where Jon seems to believe HE needs to fix everything, that HE needs to keep his friends safe, that HE needs to save the world because he is SO SO guilty.

And Martin thinks so little of himself, but he puts so much love in others. It's so sad to see his change in S4 with the Lonely, because it's so distinctly not Martin.

He never stops hating himself, never stops loving Jon. Everything he does is for Jon. He had nothing to live for when Jon was gone.

They are each other's reasons. But Martin could be anywhere with Jon and be happy.

Jon needs to fix his wrongs to make them both happy. Whether that is true or not doesn't matter, because it is wholeheartedly what Jon believes.

And so he believes sacrificing himself to try to fix things will be better for Martin, but he never asked Martin what would actually make him happy.

Martin just wants to be by Jon's side.

And back to the selfish thing, I don't mean it in a negative way. I mean that Jon felt he literally needed to give himself up to atone. Like he had lost all self worth. Like he didn't care about himself.

He puts Martin in the worst possible position.

And I cried so hard at the ending, because I knew that they weren't Somewhere Else. They were dead. It mirrored Gertrude and her assistants, the foreshadowing of their deaths as Sasha and Tim dropped one by one.

There was no happy ending for us. There was no fixed world after what traumatic experience had been unleashed. Jon had to pay for his mistakes, but love caused Martin to go with him. (I think about those last few moments of Martin. Alive. Looking down at Jon's bleeding corpse. The panopticon crumbling around him. Martin knows he will die, but he's just had to kill his only Reason to live anyways)

I can't even say they're happy together in the fucking afterlife because the End or whatever exists and claims everyone. I always interpreted that as Hell existing for everyone after death.

And don't even get me started on the themes of finding happiness and love in the middle of the apocalypse

They just wanted to fix things man. It wasn't even Jon's fucking fault, AND OKAY THIS IS ANOTHER THING

I SWEAR Elias has to be Web aligned I fucking swear the strings he pulled throughout the whole fucking series dude. I think the Eye and Web are pretty close anyways but that Manipulating Bastard FUCK HIM

Jon believes he's done everything wrong, because he refuses to blame Dickhead McGee. Doesn't help that everyone is on his ass the whole podcast, and like, yeah, Jon does some stupid shit but come the fuck on why did the foreshadowing of his slowly worse decisions have to end like this man I can't stop thinking about it

[somanyfuckedupiftruebooks]

Today I will pretend that I am working on my fic by nailing down my headcanons for TMA S1 clothing and outfits.

Jon

At work he is always in professional officewear, always put togther, has a sharp haircut. Rarely a full on suit but sometimes the elements of one, like a vest with no jacket. Always a tie. Gravitates toward white shirts and dark everything else because he thinks dark colours all automatically match each other (they don't). No patterns. No accessories. Always looks uncomforable in his own clothes, like they were bought for someone else. No one ever taught him how to dress himself nicely so he is doing his best approximation of what others are doing and it only mostly works (it would never occur to him that his belt and shoes should be the same colour, for example). He irons everything on laundry day but then wears clothes for multiple days in a row because he has no time/is secretly living in the archives for most of the week, so his overall look is far more rumpled than he realises.

At home (on the increasingly rare days that he isn't at the institute) he just dresses in his old uni clothes, which lean towards alt and gnc stuff. This has more to do with the fact that he cbf to upate his wardrobe (shopping is hell) and less to do with it actually reflecting how he wants to present himself now as an adult, but it's fine because he never goes anywhere. There's some skirts in there, and merch for weird indie bands that no one's ever heard of. "Somehow" he got custody of a few of Georgie's old shirts in the break up and he will wear these to sleep in because they are soft and loose and comfy on him (the air quotes are because he is in denial about being a clothing thief). He owns eyeliner that he doesn't wear anymore because he's convinced himself that he's too mature for it now. He has a jacket covered in pins for various causes that he also never wears anymore but he loves it too much to get rid of it.

Martin

Also professional, but a much softer version. Like Jon he is afflicted with desperately-need-to-look-like-I-know-what-I-am-doing-even-though-I-don't disease, and that reflects in his clothing choices. He always wears multiple layers and his clothes all trend towards being too baggy, both for trans reasons and also the dismal realities of shopping for plus size clothing on a budget (more often than not, you just have to buy whatever you can physically put on your body even if it will never look right or fit properly). His default setting is a collared shirt with a cardigan over the top, but the collar still visible. Prefers cooler colours because warm tones bring out the red in his skin and he worries about looking flustered all the time. Paints his nails sometimes when he is feeling a bit gender. His mother had his ears pierced when he was little but he never wears earrings.

His at home clothes are exactly the same as his work clothes. Martin doesn't have spare cash for extra outfits; he has to buy nicer things for work, so when something becomes too worn to get away with in the office he just wears it around the house until it's too faded and full of holes to hang onto. He will patch or darn things that he particularly likes or thinks he can get some more life out of. Taught himself how to do this by watching youtube videos and is actually pretty good at it; some of his patched clothes could almost look trendy! He probably has a handful of clothing items that are actually good because he bought them for himself as a treat, like a dress shirt in a colour that matches his eyes, and some pants with a particularly flattering waistline. He wears these things when visiting his mum because he wants to look put together but also because he usually needs some cheering up on those days.

Sasha

She's a woman trying to be taken seriously in her profession, so she dresses seriously. Lots button downs tucked into high waisted skirts, a few dresses but nothing too feminine. Nothing with hemlines above the knee or anything that shows her shoulders. Nothing too form-fitting, and she's also usually wearing mutliple layers. Subdued but nice patterns. She walks a fine line between not wanting to look like a grandma but also avoiding anything too modern (lots of old fashioned types in academia). Always considers her appearance and puts together outfits where everything matches and looks flattering. Prefers muted but warm colours, browns and oranges and yellows. Jewellery is always simple and understated, like some small gold hoops that are okay to wear every day, and maybe a necklace. Always wears her hair up off her face and natural makeup. She gets herself french manicures when she has the spare cash and feels like treating herself.

Outside of work, she has a really defined style and it's much more modern and less understated. A go-to outfit would be all fitted black clothes but dressed up with bright heels, belt and chunky earrings all in a matching colour, like an eye-catching red. Her hair is usually down and curly.

Tim

Strays a lot closer to the 'casual' side of business-casual than anyone else is comfortable with. He's received warnings for dress code violations before (none of the others ever have). Tends towards close-fitting clothing, dark slacks matched with shirts that have lots of colour and patterns (but rarely anything that clashes or veers too far away from office-appropriate). No hawaiian shirts or jeans. He used to have coloured hair and matching nails but was told it violated the dress code so he stopped doing that back in his research days. Always wears earrings and often they are 'fun', like a set of studs that look like little birds or something. Also has some rings, and a nice watch that his parents got him as a graduation present.

Outside of work, yes hawaiian shirts and jeans, and maybe he fucks around with some jewellery or makeup if he has a date or is feeling a bit gender. That would be his go-to leaving-the-house outfit. He is someone who has very distinct 'outside clothes' that look good and he will let people see him wearing, and 'inside clothes' which do not look good and no one but Danny and Sasha have ever seen him wearing. His inside clothes tend to be old mismatched workout clothes with the elastic starting to go. He will wear these all day even if he has no intention of working out.

Elias

Always impeccably tailored three-piece suits. Definitely not afraid of colour, but he would never wear anything remotely close to being described as 'flamboyant'. Prefers solid colours over prints or patterns, but definitely owns some pinstripes. Always matches his shoes to his belt. No jewellery other than the occasional wedding ring (it's always a different one and never lasts more than a few months) and a series of very expensive watches and tie pins (he must own dozens of them). Doesn't go overboard with eye imagery; restricts himself to cufflinks that have either eyes or the institute logo on them (he has several different sets because, like the watches, they are often anniversary presents and he has so many anniversaries). He will sometimes wear some subtle eyeliner because he wants to frame his eyes, but this is only for special occasions. Never looks anything less than 110% put together, and overall his aesthetic is what Jon's is trying (but failing) to be.

Outside of work, he is still always in very expensive clothes (because Peter pays for his entire wardrobe) but not suits, just the dressier side of casual. He does the annoying rich person thing where all of his clothes are tailored to fit him, so even his casual wear looks effortlessly amazing. A normal outfit for a relaxing day at home would be something like grey slacks and a black turtleneck (but in a distinctly whoreish way).

[mamahersh]

So I’ve been thinking, and obviously these are thoughts that will probably be expounded upon (potentially) in my final remarks post on Saturday, but I’ve been having some thoughts about JMart again. Condensing some of the previous commentary, the running themes I’ve been struggling with, ect. Perhaps my opinions with change with MAG 200, maybe 200 will only cement them, but hear me out:

TMA is a horror podcast, not a horror/romance podcast. “But mamahersh!” I hear you cry, “no duh! No one ever claimed it was a horror/romance podcast!”

You, imaginary reader, are quite correct.

It’s just odd that the show writer tries so very hard to add romance in the show in S5 just to seemingly set up a final act romantic tragedy. Well, ok, that’s rather disingenuous, as there’s some off handed mentions of Jon and Martin hanging out in S3, and Jon spends like half his time in S4 pining after Martin. But more to the point: all actual romantic developments (except when needed for an important character moment to tie into something tragic later) are off screen. We hear second hand about Melanie and Georgie’s relationship forming, we can make our own assumptions about their closeness based on 158? and 190-192, we hear offhandedly about Jon and Martin’s S3 lunch dates (if I’m not misremembering that tidbit entirely), we can speculate about Jon and Martin’s relationship progressing and that it was a rather significant jump in progress after saving Martin from the Lonely while they sheltered at Daisy’s Safehouse...

I’m mostly trying to get at I think two big things I guess. 1) Jonny is spectacular at horror writing. S1-3, and the statements in S4 are spot on in terms of striking the right balance you need in a campfire story or a personal folktale or a short horror story. He also does a great job at writing long form dramas, what with seeding the clues to how the universe works from the very beginning and challenging the listeners to try and understand what’s going on right along with the main character. Keeping the listeners on their toes as they wait each week with baited breath to find out what’s happening this time to our dear blorbo Jarchivist. However, what he seems to enjoy doing less of, at least in TMA universe, is write “fluff”. He can certainly write soft moments between characters, quite well in fact! There’s a reason S5 has a bajillion animatics from when it was releasing based on the little JMart tidbits we were given. But that’s just it, they were tidbits, and even the patreon and public fluff extras never exceeded 10 mins. Goodness, not to say they should have! But more to the point: it’s quite difficult to write a healthy or even a compelling romance when you don’t have the time or “place” to establish it. which kinda leads into...

2) The reason I keep feeling like the romance between Jon and Martin in S5 is forced is because to some extent it is. There was no development of their relationship on tape, and then when finally do have the time to do so it’s in the literal worst situation imaginable to do so. All of the silly somft moments are eaten away by both the circumstances of Jon and Martin being able to spend all this time together (the literal end of the world and all that’s Good) and their general dispositions towards each other. You don’t keep a relationship healthy or alive by never trusting your partner, or never telling them anything in a way they can understand, or callously talking about trying end every “monster” like them, or never listening to their concerns. These two have always struggled with communicating and the apocalypse just seems to have exacerbated the problems 10 fold. Which, again, horror podcast. Dramatic Tragedy and all that. We are getting their relationship set up for 200, but also because it makes for a good reason that Jon hasn’t just jumped off the deep end yet.

Anyways, I think this nicely consolidates my thoughts on the matter. And just to be clear, I’m sure if Jonny Sims wanted to write full length episodes of sappy office drama I’m sure he could, but in the context of TMA he certainly can’t. Which is perfectly fine outside of suddenly trying to pull a Romeo and Juliet with Jon and Martin as a major B plot running through all of S5.

[linktoo]

MAG S4

oogfh here comes the concerns

I have lots of thoughts about S4 but all in all I DID enjoy it. I really did. But I also think this was the season that really exposed the prevalent writing flaws that tma had in general. 

I think first of all with S4 is that it was much harder to get through all of a sudden compared to S3’s brisk pace - there wasn’t enough levity. Not enough humour, and I can't stress how important the humour is in this damn story. I needed a giggle every ep even when it was dramatic and serious. And it made it emotionally difficult. (I know that's the point.)

I think I understand what particularly bothers me about S4 and honestly a prevalent problem in tma in general and it has to do with the fact it gets a little stale when people are so venomously angry for no reason. There is a lot of misdirected anger that was directed towards Jon - and I’m not just saying that as the audience just gets to see Jon as the most sympathetic. I like the conflict more when it's people struggling to understand and failing. Jon's a pretty good example because he's figuring out the best way to care but also succumbing to his own issues and faults. and I think the other characters don't get that same sort of treatment (Tim, Basira, Melanie, etc). And I get the audience wants to root for Jon, I really do. but the complaints make a lot of sense to me because it doesn't feel like anyone's trying to figure out the root issue and just stay angry all the time. people can be withdrawn for more complicated reasons. even with the Lonely/Ghost bullet very obviously affecting everyone it just feels. less human I guess. you can be resentful but there should be a push and pull tug, not "Everyone Hate Jon" party (especially when Elias was much more brutal in S3). There's more nuance to that and the podcast often fails to give them enough space to try. I think the closest they get to it is Melanie’s conflicting feelings, all of her trust being destroyed for her life to be saved. That was fun. I liked that. 

Other than that though, the plot beats are really good. REALLY GOOD. I think about the ocean door metaphor a lot because OF COURSE I DO it’s absolutely devastating that this analogy is explained to basira, who then never actually applies his explanation to anything useful. 

And now it’s time to accept that Jon's use of powers no matter how important it is to "the story" is traumatizing innocent people... it's hard to accept but as an audience you seriously have to fucking understand why no one trusts him at the institute even though he's nice. Also EXCELLENT use of a statement that wasn't compelled but also very comprehensive. That voice acting was incredible. it's MARTIN taking that statement it's already hard for us (rooting for Jon) I can't even imagine being in his position wanting to protect Jon over and over and over with his own life and hearing THIS. He has to actively hope Jon made this horrible decision because otherwise the only other option is that Jon is completely gone, and it's so upsetting,

Also I absolutely need Melanie/Georgie fics of them falling in love at the Institute. the implied emotions and feelings of that whole thing with JON, GEORGIE’S SUPERNATURAL EX BEING THE CENTER OF IT ALL. before they were decidedly going to live together like WHAT

And then the ending to S4. God what a culmination of everything we learned about, finally the payoff we’ve all been looking forward to. I know Jonny and Alex said it was really hard to nail the Jon and Martin dynamic because they have SO FEW INTERACTIONS in S4, and I like to imagine it really helped with their care in terms of writing them. Martin really shows the work he’s been planning in order to save Jon. Jon’s final mark is him willingly going to save Martin, no matter what. Elias’s wager being entirely based on his realization of the lengths they’d go for each other. “I see you” what a powerful way to reclaim a running motif, a twisted phrase in this story. The “hello Jon” statement. Seriously this was so fucking awesome and a great payoff for a bit of a bit of an unsteady, but jampacked season. I honestly saw S4 in its entirety and thought “yeah. You know what? S5, no matter what happens, I can trust the creators to at least create something satisfying and awesome at the end, they can stick the landing.” And that continued to be my confident assumption starting S5 (Spoilers. I regret believing that.)

==

[Masterlist] [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

(talk to me!! send asks if you have any!)

[spacehorrors]

ok. mamma mia here we go again tma review once again for episodes 140-160

top episodes

E158 Panopticon - so I put this on because it evoked the most of a reaction out of me I geniunely GASPED at the reveal and it was action packed. I also listened to how hard it was to make and uh felt I should put it in top place. a satisfying episode indeed.

E154 Blood Mary - LOVED THIS EPISODE yes I know I didn't shut up about the end bit but this episode was one of my favourites like the self deception and the fact he tried to get out for his son but it killed him. not only a scary one but one that made me upset for the characters.

E150 Cul-de-sac - god. yeah. this episode was so good the horror in the mundane is so good and compelling especially coupled with the use of the place. it was a great one!

E152 A Gravedigger's Entry - WOOHOO!! this one was just chilling like some bits were geniune spine tingling I loved it the character. I also really like Cost of Living for a similar reason but I preferred the buried alive, epistolary nature of this one.

E157 Rotten Core - I love rot and disease <3 yeah it's as simple as I love rot and disease if I wrote a story revolving around any of them it'd be the corruption I just love it!!

but I have loved every single episode like so many. I've been having the best time

where on earth do I start like. man. this season has been so narratively satisfying but also like I'm tearing out my hair yknow.

general plot thoughts

I'm still a little shocked from the Elias reveal but in a good way because I did not see it cominggggg. I totally understand where it was planted and built up though but I just hated Elias so much that I didn't think about body swapping and why he changed so quickly etc. makes so much sense and I can't wait for him to die painfully.

ok ngl I also did hope that Martin would be doing what he was doing so but I didn't realise he has been playing him for that long.... I did you he was playing him but not that much I was very impressed.

so. the end of the world. now I was sort of right but I thought it was just going to be an eye ritual which would cause chaos in terms of Jon's mentality so. I was a bit off but also not. now I'm also going to lose my mind at post apocalyptic stuff because it's my JAM I'm so excited

what else. idk I'm just having a blast. some of the lines have been ending my life. fucking episode e154 and the melanie 155 one. weeps

it's all come together so nicely ......

character/relationship thoughts

MELANIE AND GEORGIE I literally have never lost in my life. I am in love with Melanie and Georgie's statement.... feeling very vindicated rn.

I also loved Melanie's characterisation in this bit of the season and in general I just love her so much... the "in five minutes would you call me an ambulance" just makes me want to cry god.

Daisy and Basira. So Basira...... mannn she's doing all she can like I want more info on what happened whilst Jon was in a coma because she was also. on her own a lot and Daisy was dead. AND DAISY. naur I'm so emotional about Daisy especially when it comes to her being friends with Jon and Melanie like! they are friends. amazing. Also god her relationship with the Hunt and her choices...... god. her and Basira..... I weep. they are so compelling to me. I need more I need Daisy to be ok and I need Basira to find comfort in that.

what is there to say about Elias apart from from day one I've said I didn't like that bitch and I was right he's an old victorian shithead who wanted the world to end and succeeded so. yeah. like I said that twist was so cool though but it makes so much sense. he's unfortunately very clever.

GERTRUDE. um I've never had fully formed thoughts on her before apart from intrigue but I love her she's so compelling and ruthless and I am so interested on her love you.

so. Martin and Jon. Jon and Martin. they have been causing me a lot of turmoil. if you were awake when I was listening to e154 I apologise it caused me great mental pain. umm devotion? sacrifice? the inability to have good timing leading to a surplus of tragedy? compelling. um. "I really loved you yknow" just makes me cry then followed with like... look at me etc etc is just so gah to me.

INDIVIDUALLY um Martin during the lonely was just very oh yeah I understand this. and when I didn't know for sure he was faking I was thinking well yeah grief and rejection do that to you don't they. anyway. what satisfying growth. what lovely understanding Martin has gained without losing his core. WEEPED when they were in the cottage and the cows and I was like well I'll just pass away then.

JON. so. this guy. I think he's my favourite character to be honest man I like him a lot. when the line between what your choices are is so blurry and like this fear of being controlled. walks into the ocean. him being a conduit for the fears.... makes sense?? but I thought it would be messed up by him having biases towards like the Web for example. um what else. him walking into the lonely for Martin. him walking into the buried for Daisy and it being used against him. god

also I loved Peter's statement um yeah. it was close in my top because it was so compelling but I didn't in the end.

my predictions

So they've got to kill Elias now right? so I suppose they're going to try and find a way to weaken the fears grip on the world or tip the balance.

They've also go to somehow get back to London maybe wait I'm concocting something. they've got to blow up the institute don't they? to remove the panopticon from the world. KABOOM etc etc.

assuming the fears have had an awful impact on the world but I feel like they've driven the "it's extraordinary what you can get used to" early in the series so maybe we'll see some of that.....

um does Jon still have to eat statements considering the world is now a smorgasbord of fear? interested in how that'll affect his diet

ok but powers are still vying for power though too.... hmm also can he close the door??? PANDORA'S BOX BABY PANDORA'S BOX

OK I SAID THIS LAST TIME BUT SURELY GEORGIE IS THE ONE WHO CAN SORT THIS OUT SINCE SHE DOESN'T FEEL FEAR???

I think that's it lmao ok anyway as always feel free to send me asks on this I love talking about it with people because I can't read other people's thoughts yet for fear of spoilers so!! send the asks in!

[archival-material]

AU 1 - The Other Side

<S5 Spoiler Warning>

Now, I don't read a lot of 'fan-fictions' based off the series, and I probably should but I focus more on writing things out rather than reading it. This is unlikely to be a unique idea, but this would very much be my perspective on it.

Picture this-

That scene, the very end of season 5 where the audience is led to believe that Jon has been killed to sever the connection to the Eye so that the tower may crumble- so on and so forth. Is it specified where Martin stabbed? What if they are actually still alive out there, living out their lives in a 'normal' world without the Great Fears...

And Jonathan has no eyes.

I think this would be fun to write out as a scene, though I'm not focused enough to really write out fanfics for myself. But-

Martin, learning how to be perceived again. He can no longer hide away, he is no longer lonely. Jon, no longer connected to the Eye, no longer having the Web connected to him. Re-learning to live not only without the need for statements, without being able to just Know things, and also having to learn how to be without sight altogether.

Of course they disappear after. Granted, they're likely hurt from the fall of the tower, but they've been hurt before. And they find it as a chance to a new kind of freedom. Breaking away from it all, from their old lives that held primarily just the people who went looking for them after. Basira, Georgie and Melanie.

But no more Institute, no more Archives. They could break away entirely and carve themselves an entirely new life together.

I suppose this would be a bit more of an optimistic ending, a suggestion that not only did the majority vote take care of the Fears in sending them out of their world, but that both Martin and Jon survived the crumbling of the tower. Also, survived and didn't get taken with the Fears like a possible majority of prime Avatars would have.

It could open up either with their climbing out of the rubble and tending to each other, or maybe someone else helping them out. Getting back on their feet, getting the heck out of London. Travelling the world, or finding a nice place to just settle and never have to deal with horrible, awful, no-good things ever. Maybe even Annabelle planned for something like this, in hopes of things gone well. Watching Jon as often as she did, perhaps she guessed what route he would take on everything. And while he did want to prevent the spread of the fears, to keep them there- opposite of her offer and suggestion- she could've surmised that it would never really go his way, and I personally think she sort-of liked him to a degree that maybe she set up either a person to find them after, or a place for them to go to.

That all being said for the possible massive amounts of fluffy aftercare from the Fearpocalypse- Considering how deep others were into their fears, it would be interesting to determine who disappeared that day and who stuck around to re-learn how to live as a normal being.

Would the fears have left them with a trauma for the jobs they've done over time, or would they have been relatively alright?

I first honestly think of Oliver, who definitely died for The End. He was in command of his own domain, and while Inevitability was his thing- maybe his inevitability to die and all of that had been re-routed by becoming an End avatar. So he either would be gone for how deeply rooted (pun intended) he was into his fear, or maybe stripped of all of that he was left with a sense of loss and a worry for his own inevitable end that followed a more 'natural' route of things.

It would be interesting to determine who was 'too far gone' verses those who could reasonably survive the loss of their fear patron.

Ultimately, this 'Other Side' AU would be the other side of the Apocalypse. We've seen the whole beginning and lead up into it (or listened to, rather), but given that MA:2 is probably not going to be related to the main MA storyline, it feels pretty open to speculation and imagining what would go on.

It would also open things up to the chances of things coming back. But that's a whole 'nother can of worms we'll just have to open another time.

Here's one from the host, an AU brainworm.

[mxrstar]

Hi, I don't know if this is an unpopular opinion, but this?

This here? I really liked it.

I don't think they mean that trauma is what made them capable of loving each other, or that the evil they went through shaped them into radically different people (though it sure did change them), or that when they look at each other, they see only a product of their shared story.

I don't think that Jon truly loathed Martin, either, or that there's absolutely nothing else that could have brought them together.

I don't think they have to thank Jonah or the fears for what they have now.

That line doesn't imply anything quite as sad, because no amount of trauma can get you in a healthy relationship with someone you sincerely hate, and you may spend years trapped in a room with the same person and never have get anywhere meaningful, because you can't figure out how to meet in the middle.

No, what that conversation stands for, in my opinion, is something far more hopeful.

I believe it means:

Sometimes, there are beautiful people hidden in the corners, that you don't see or maybe even dislike, that have the potential and capacity to love you, but simply don't click with you right away; there are faces that smiled at you once and that you have never bothered to remember, because they way they make small talk irks you; there are co-workers you can never seem to have a productive conversation with, semi-strangers you'd rather not talk to because when you are left alone with them, you never know what to say; there are acquaintances you admire from a distance, but feel intimated by; there are names that you'd never think to write down in your diary.

And out of all those people, there are some that you could care about to the point of love. Deep inside them, beyond the superficial layers you can't or don't want to connect to, there might be something you would fall in love with-- something worth choosing.

You don't always need to dig to get there, and there's not always a reason to. Ultimately, there are multiple potential partners who could love you, and there are people more easily compatible with Jon than Martin and vice-versa. In another universe, their relationship might not have been worth the trouble. Not because it's not beautiful, but because it's not the only beautiful relationship they could have had, and many others would have been far easier to access.

In this universe, though, something unlocked the doors for them.

Something awful accidentally lined up their life in such a way to let them into each other's hearts. And when they stepped into the safe, they both found things to love-- things to hang on to, to choose to keep safe.

It's an unusual seed growing on an unusual soil. The combination happened without rhyme or reason, yeah, but two people were there to take care of it. Two people fostered it and turned it into love.

And that's what this means, fundamentally.

It means: it's still I love you. It's no less true, no less genuine, no less beautiful, no less sincere.

In fact, it's valuable in a very specific way.

Like finding a gem in the ground because you crushed your car on the side of the road, and see something shiny beside your hand before passing out.

You don't want it to be for nothing. You won't let it.

That's the real core of it. Not because it was always supposed to be, but because you decided to make it so. Because, after all, you decided it should be.

[dickwheelie]

*breaks into your inbox* i already asked for two prompts but please. martin’s tits. that’s the prompt.

an excellent prompt that I kind of ran away with lmao, but I hope you enjoy this anyway!

__________

Martin was a lot of things, some of them better than others, but one thing he definitely wasn't was naive.

He noticed the way Jon had stared when, after arriving at the safehouse, Martin had peeled off his travel-grimy shirt and the sweaty binder underneath it, and plopped himself down on the sofa for god and all to see. Jon's eyes had widened, and then flicked away, and he'd managed to busy himself in the kitchen for over two hours.

Martin also noticed that when they brought up their sleeping situation that first night, Jon was quick to agree to Martin's suggestion that they share a bed. And afterwards, when they crawled in together, Martin saw Jon reach, across the covers, just for a moment before pulling back, and retreating to his side of the bed as though scared to cross some invisible line.

He noticed how, the next morning, Jon was too sleepy to stop himself from openly admiring Martin's bare torso as he stretched out of the covers.

Martin wasn't naive, and he could add up two and two just fine, thanks very much.

Martin started forgoing his binder around the safehouse more often, and his shirt, too, if it was warm enough. It was nice, letting the guys breathe, so to speak. They'd been needing it. He'd spent much of the past year alone, but so little of it had been comfortable; he'd rarely taken his binder off even when he was alone in his flat. For some reason he'd always felt that taking it off was something he didn't need, a frivolous, pointless attempt to comfort himself when comfort was something that wasn't for him. But now, in the tiny cabin with Jon, he felt unaccountably safe, and secure enough to sit around bare-chested and just . . . be. And Jon's flustered little glances were a nice bonus.

He didn't mind the attention; it was nice to be stared at, especially after the past six months of his life. He knew Jon was ace, but he had never said anything about a lack of aesthetic attraction. Feeling Jon's eyes on him was a nice reminder that he was not only seen but appreciated, that Jon found him appealing in more ways than one. And Jon's gaze was . . . sweet, in a way, almost shy. Like he wasn't entirely sure if he had permission to stare or not, but he wanted to do it anyway.

Neither of them said anything about it, but they didn't have to. Martin knew he'd been backing the right horse when Jon crawled into bed one night and, instead of plastering himself to the far edge like he'd done before, cuddled up close to Martin and laid his head on his bare chest. He was pleasantly warm and soft all along Martin's side, and he fell asleep faster than Martin had ever seen him do before.

The next morning, Martin woke up to find Jon sprawled across him, his face half-hidden in the middle of Martin's chest. He had the look of someone who had just found himself the world's fluffiest pillow, and was not keen on giving it up.

"Morning," Martin said, amused. "Sleep well, then?"

Jon stirred against him, but didn't relinquish his hold. "I'm not moving," Jon said, his voice muffled. "This is the most comfortable I've ever been."

"Can you breathe down there?" Martin said.

"Don't need to breathe," said Jon, his voice vibrating through Martin's chest. "Don't need to eat or drink either. Just need to lie here, on top of my very comfortable boyfriend, for the rest of time."

Martin patted his back and stretched over the covers a bit, making himself comfortable. "Whatever you say."

"I mean it. This is where I belong."

"Between the boys?"

That, of all things, made Jon glance up. He looked disappointed. "Is that what you call them?"

Martin shrugged. "When I call them anything, yeah."

"That's an awful name, Martin."

"It's better than the alternative!"

"Good Lord," Jon groaned, and finally rolled off of Martin, landing on his back in the bed next to him.

"Oh, don't be like that," Martin said, grinning. "Come back here and cuddle."

"No, it's too late now, you ruined it."

Martin propped himself up with an elbow and stretched a bit theatrically, doing his best to show off his assets, as it were. Jon glanced over at him and blushed, quickly looking away again.

"You can stare, you know," Martin said, smiling. "I don't mind."

"It's rude to stare," Jon mumbled. "And I don't like leaning into the whole Eye Avatar thing."

"Nope," Martin said, shaking his head. "To both of those."

Jon huffed a laugh, and turned back to face Martin, staring at him across the bed. His gaze was warm and careful, like the rest of him. "Well, now I've got no excuses."

Martin opened his arms. "That mattress can't be more comfortable than me. You said it yourself."

"No," Jon relented, "it's not. There's a distinct lack of Martin softness I'm missing here."

Martin reached out and tugged Jon close again, Jon putting up the weakest of protests before eagerly curling up against him. "There we go," Jon murmured, satisfied.

There was a long pause, and Martin had almost managed to drift off when Jon spoke up again. "I want you to know . . . I think you're very attractive, Martin. I--I mean you're handsome. And I like looking at you, and being close to you, like this." Jon shook his head. "I'm sorry, I'm not great at this. Just . . . thank you. For letting me be close to you."

"Sure," said Martin, after a quiet moment. He pressed a kiss to Jon's forehead, which was in easy reach. "Thanks for getting close, Jon."

"Ha," Jon said softly. He burrowed himself a little closer, and Martin tightened his grip around him, making sure he stayed right where he belonged. "Anytime, Martin."

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

I Prefer My Heart To Be Broken, Chapter Four: London

A city on a grid. A library in web. A threatening dream.

AO3 | Playlist | Masterpost

-------

CHAPTER FOUR: LONDON

The Eye is stronger. Or he’s closer to it. Or something.

Jon doesn’t mention it as they bump along, the cart rattling, Pepper pulling strong.

He thinks Martin knows, anyway. After all, the wound is healed.

Martin took the stitches out forty-eight hours after putting them in, and the fresh, pink scar taunts them with impossibility.

Martin studies him a lot. Jots things down in his notebook, staring at the horizon while Jon holds the reins.

They don’t talk much. Jon feels too watched; Martin is too in his head.

Also, every morning, there are spiderwebs on the cart.

It doesn’t mean anything, Jon tells himself as he clears them away. They’re in the country. Spiders happen.

It has to mean nothing.

Pepper, alone, seems really happy with how things are going.

#

The weather takes a turn, the air nipping them at night, Jon shivering in the day if the wind picks up while they’re riding.

It’s very early morning when they arrive in London.

The road they’re on—the only road—heads right to it, and it is surrounded by an oddly scaly-looking wall. Buildings barely peek over top. There’s neither gate nor guard. It’s like the whole thing was set up for siege, but there’s been none in so long that they don’t even bother to lock up anymore.

Numerous carts work their way in through the wide entry.

No one asks for names or purpose.

Jon and Martin roll into the city, past the thick walls, and no one seems to care.

#

It is like no London they’ve ever seen. It’s similar to Dandridge in construction. The roads are wider, all of them cobblestoned, but the city isn’t shaped the same.

Jon knows (knows) that the roads and winding pathways follow no Roman settlement, but instead form a weird, three-loop layout, like three fishhooks connected at the ends. It’s some sort of symbol.

And in spite of the odd shape, it’s built on a grid—cardinal points, numbered streets.

Curiously organized. It makes Jon shiver, for some reason.

Jon also knows (knows) that everyone here is the same as in West Village: shallowly, perfectly happy. “They’re the same,” he whispers to Martin. “The same… non-questioning whatever, just accepting it all.”

“So everyone is happy and safe,” Martin mutters. “Sucks to be them.”

“It’s not that simple, you know,” Jon says. “Happiness.”

“Says the expert on great cheer?” says Martin.

Jon snorts. “Yes, all right, I’m no expert. But I do know what I’m saying. There’s a difference between real contentment and just a shallow good feeling.”

Martin frowns. “I mean, sure, but… Yeah. I guess you have a point.”

“None of them are really happy.”

“That’s awful, Jon,” whispers Martin.

Jon wants him to understand, and reaches for his hand. If he minds how much rougher Martin’s hands have become since they got here, he’s never indicated it. “They’re happy because they don’t have a choice about it.”

Martin sighs. “It’s not all that different from the Fears’ world, is it?”

“Not really. Domains. Control.”

“If they’ve already got it all locked down, why would he even need the Fears here?”

“I don’t know.”

This was complicated. “At least we’ve been able to be together. Publicly. That’s one good thing.”

“I think that’s just because the King doesn’t care,” says Jon. “Human love probably has no meaning to him. It would be of about as much consequence as a dead leaf, skittering along the sidewalk. It’s there, sure, but why would it ever matter?”

“But asking questions does?”

“To him. He thinks it’s challenging his authority.”

That’s so childish, Martin thinks, feeling the whole “baby god” statement confirmed. Then a chill runs down his spine again. “But he didn’t think you were challenging him when you asked questions, did he?”

“What?”

“Did he?”

“No, he said he didn’t. But I am.”

“No. You’re not. That’s not why you ask questions. It’s never been.”

Jon frowns. “Sure, it is. Do you even know how many times I’ve made people angry by asking questions?”

“They couldn’t read your mind.”

Jon stares at him.

Being jealous of nothing, Martin thinks, because the chance of some wicked god finding Jon adorable the way he does is absolutely zilch. “You know what? Never mind.”

“What?”

“I’m just talking. It’s okay, Jon. You ask questions like breathing. You always have, and I never want you to stop.”

And for reasons Martin doesn’t know, that sentence hits Jon like a brick. Jon is gray again, and he falls silent.

Martin decides this conversation has been fraught enough, and lets the topic go.

#

Very few signs have wording on them. Everything seems to be indicated by images, painted or burned into wood. Between the two of them, they figure out that the image of a bed belongs to an inn, and Martin goes inside to get them a room.

Jon is not okay.

Trauma wafts in the breeze, faint, like smoke. The people here don’t even know they have it, but he could pull it from them, nonetheless, great fistfuls of unrealized horror like saltwater taffy.

The Eye wants it.

“Well, it’s nice in there,” says Martin, climbing easily back onto the cart. “Pretty. All white-washed and everything, neat and clean. I got us a room in the back with a glimpse of the stables, the fishpond. Fruit trees. Jon?”

Jon shakes himself. “Right. Good. Thank you.”

“Uh-huh,” says Martin, and leans in, peering at him. “What’s wrong?”

“I hate that we’re being permitted to stay here,” says Jon, and didn't even know he was going to say it.

Martin stares at him.

“Sorry,” murmurs Jon. “I’ve just realized you’re right. He’s showing off. That’s what all of this is.” The words sound like they taste bad.

“Okay, that was ominous, Jon.”

“Let’s just do what we came here to do.”

They deposit the cart and Pepper (who is very happy to have a proper manger), and then Jon takes the lead, gripping Martin’s hand.

Martin has an insane moment imagining Jon as some really niche Instagram model—hair down his back, leading the way, glancing over his shoulder to meet Martin’s eyes.

Martin feels very silly and very in love. He also doubts Jon has any idea how perfect he is.

Martin tells himself to stop being doe-eyed and get down to business.

#

The Grove is, as Jon thought it would be, pretty much empty. It’s the three-week off-season, after all.

He can’t help but peek into the central area to see if there are any bloody remains, but finds none.

That’s somehow not comforting. It just means they’re used to cleaning up after.

The library here is larger, significantly so. It actually has three rings of bookshelves circling the entire building, open in the center.

“Look at it all,” Jon whispers. “There has to be something here.”

Martin makes a face. “It’s huge. What are we looking for? How do we do this?”

Jon doesn’t answer that. He’s already on the second balcony, heading without hesitation toward a shelf.

Martin’s sounds less than pleased. “Yeah. You just know where to go, don’t you?”

Jon pauses, looking at Martin with an expression half guilt and half need, then heads into the stacks.

It seems, at first, that these are many, many copies of the same six books Jon already knows, but before he can despair, he finds a miracle.

Jon pulls out three books, all marked with the shape of the city. “They’re new! Martin, we didn’t have these in Dandridge! Look! They’re a set—not even three copies of the same thing!” He’s practically vibrating.

“What’s that hook-thing?” says Martin.

“The King’s symbol.” Jon pauses, and closes his eyes. He didn’t know he knew that.

“Hey. Are there books on my chaos god?”

Neither of them are pretending Jon doesn’t just know.

“That’s a good idea. Yes, but just one. This way.”

“Just one?”

The book sits all the way on the other side of the level, and it is set apart in its shelf, with empty space on both sides. It’s completely black. No adornment, title, or author.

“Maybe it’s not such a good idea to add possessive pronouns to these things,” Jon says.

Martin makes a face as he takes it. “Think it’s a little too late for that. Also, this feels weird. Weird leather, or something,” he says, and leads the way back to Jon’s little pile.

Jon settles in and picks one of the three new books, and he should feel awful, because it’s a terrible situation, and they’re under fire, and doom is on the horizon.

But he is about to learn something new.

Maybe it’s the Beholding. Maybe it’s just him. Maybe it’s both. He can’t help the hope that this might water the driest fucking soil he’s ever internally felt.

Martin is happy in this world. If they manage to survive, there’s a good chance Jon’s dry soil will be permanent.

It makes Jon feel sick to think about. He pushes it aside. Martin is worth it.

After a few seconds, Martin sighs and puts the book down.

Jon blinks. “What?”

“Black pages. Black ink. If you don’t focus on it, go all sort of magic-eye picture on the thing, the words appear. But they’re useless.”

“Useless?” Jon takes the book. “How is—”

A roaring-yelling-chanting utterly incomprehensible bellow fills his head, and Jon drops it with a gasp.

“Jon?” says Martin, startled.

“You didn’t tell me it yelled at you!”

Martin stares. “Uh. It didn’t.” He’s going red. “It just says, ‘Hello, cupcake,’ over and over and over again.”

They stare at each other in silence.

“We’re being punked,” says Jon.

Martin laughs, surprised. “I didn't know you knew that word, Jon.”

Jon scoffs. “Contrary to popular opinion, I am not actually an eighty-year-old man.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Martin says, grinning. “What’s the word for being really into old people, then? Because I—”

“Gerontophilia,” says Jon at once.

They both laugh. It’s strained, tired; but needed, real.

Sweat trickles under Jon’s arms. “If these other books growl at me, I’m not continuing.”

“You know, I think that’s fair?”

Martin picks up one of the new books. They toast each other, as though about to drink wine.

Or maybe poison.

They read.

#

It’s weirdly familiar, this brief time.

Studying together.

Researching, side by side.

With monsters after them, and their very souls at risk.

Probably not the kind of thing Jon should find nostalgic, but it is what it is. He puts down the third book and rubs the bridge of his nose.

“Anything?” says Martin.

“This is all propaganda, and written for children, but at least it gives me something to go on,” Jon says, waving at it. “Although they’re clearly more interested in praising him than actually telling me anything useful, I’ll tell you what I know: your chaos god is right. Comparatively speaking, the King in Yellow is young. I mean. Uncountably ancient, to us. But compared to the others? He came about after the universe bloomed into being.”

“Oh, he’s only as old as the universe. Well, we can disregard him, then,” Martin quips.

“Right. But it gets worse.” Jon leans forward. “This is the bad thing: it’s all his territory. Sure, there are minor gods, or whatever they are, delegated to various areas, but he’s….”

“The boss god?” Martin suggests.

“The boss god. Yes. And it doesn’t make sense, because he’s a lot younger.”

Younger being quite relative, Martin thinks. “So we can expect temper tantrums and not a whole lot of empathy.”

Jon smiles weakly. “At least I think I know where the disconnect is.”

“The disconnect?’

“It made no sense to me, you know? Why would he bring competition into his universe on purpose? But I think my guess was right: he really thinks he can control them. I’m sure of it, now. All of this? The literature he’s approved? It’s all so grandiose. Puffed up. Arrogant beyond arrogant. And sure, compared to you and me, it’s valid enough, and he’s practically omnipotent. But compared to them? To the Dread Powers?”

“They change,” says Martin. “They can’t be contained. That was Smirke’s mistake.”

“You understand.” Jon is frowning. “He does not. Maybe he’s never run into something he couldn’t defeat before—I don’t know. These are all so boastful about how he ended war, and brought peace. They try so hard to make the lack of independent thought into a good thing, but it’s not. This is terrifying, Martin.”

Martin shivers. “Great. So now what?”

“I don’t know. I keep looking for names, for anything indicating who might not be on board with him, but I’m not finding much. Your chaos god might really be all that’s left to oppose him.”

“I didn't really think there would be anything that helpful here,” Martin admits.

Jon frowns. “I know there’s something here. I do. Would you be willing to take a look at the black book again?”

“Sure. I can do that.”

Jon knows Martin is being kind, is being gentle, and does not believe there is hope in this place of limited knowledge, and he tries not to feel patronized. “Nyarlathotep is less chaos and more carnage, anyway,” he says just to be pedantic.

Then he looks shocked.

Martin blinks. “Nyarla-what?”

“His name.” Jon is pale. “Why do I know his name?”

This seems to have flipped the switch from patronize to protect. “Jon,” says Martin softly. “You’ve been doing this all day. I think maybe you should stop.”

“It’s been happening since m… matriculation. I can’t stop it.”

“Right. We’re done.” Martin stands. “I don’t know what we should do next, but I damn well know that you somehow channeling more Beholding after all these months can’t be good for anyone.”

Jon doesn’t know what his face just did. Whatever it was, it made Martin frown. He pulls Jon to his feet.

“Wait,” says Jon.

“No.”

Jon knows how he feels (better). He knows they don’t know enough to keep them safe (true). He knows he isn’t taking statements, hasn’t really drawn the Eye any closer, that it’s still stuck where it is (arguable). “Martin—”

“Are you so desperate that you honestly don’t see they’re getting you the same way Jonah did in the first place?” says Martin, because he’s good at putting himself in other people’s heads, and if he wanted to trap Jon, this is what he’d do.

Jon feels stricken. “What are you talking about?”

“‘Oh, we have to stop the Unknowing, oh, we have to do something about the Dark, boo-hoo, all these rituals,’ and it turned out to be a complete and total lie? It’s the same thing, Jon!” Martin swears he feels Kayne praising him like a dog again. With a will, he ignores it.

Jon stares at him. “But… it’s not. The gods here are real, and….”

“No, they just know that you’ve got a problem, and they’re feeding it. Come on.”

“Can’t we at least—” No, apparently, they were just leaving the books in a pile.

Martin manhandles Jon down the stairs and out the door.

Jon’s heart is pounding. He knows there’s something in there they need. Knows it.

Is certain.

“I can feel you getting stubborn about this,” says Martin. “You’ve gone all stiff.”

“I am not,” Jon lies badly.

And Martin can’t help but think that he finds Jon’s poor lying skills both frustrating and adorable, and says, “Yeah, you are.”

Jon feels… not great. “It wasn’t just some addiction before. You know that, don’t you? It was killing me if I didn’t do it. You understand that, right?”

“I do. Then. But now? Here? You don’t need it, and we’re not opening that door.”

Jon’s not sure about that anymore. He stops. Closes his eyes. “What if I do need it?”

Martin is quiet.

Jon switches directions so fast he nearly gives himself mental whiplash. “Fuck, no, you’re right. You’re right. I….”

Martin pulls Jon into a tight embrace, an armoring of affection and intimacy and love. “It’s okay. It’s okay. If that happens, we’ll figure it out. I remember feeling the Lonely calling me, and I wasn’t even in it for that long. You’ve got your whole life with the Eye, and you’ve got… all of them calling you. I know, Jon. I’m not blaming you. We just need to be careful. That’s all I’m saying.”

That understanding nearly undoes Jon, and he melts against Martin. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Martin holds him. “This is all just… shit.”

Jon laughs. “It is shit, isn’t it?’

“A load of it. A wagon-full. Several wagonfuls.”

“Guess we need to muck it out, eh?” says Jon.

“Don’t even joke about that. Mucking is the worst thing to have to do, I swear.”

They laugh.

It sounds haggard, but it is real. Jon doesn’t know if souls can touch, but he’s pretty sure he and Martin manage.

“Let’s go back to this inn we’re allowed to enjoy,” murmurs Martin. “Keep thinking.”

“I’ll need to return to the library,” Jon says. “I’m serious, Martin. There’s something in there we need.”

Martin sighs. “All right. But not for hours at a time, like today.”

“Hours? It’s been hours?”

Martin points.

Jon feels pale. “The sun has set.”

“Yeah.”

“We went in there this morning.” Jon hadn’t realized. Time had flown.

And his dry soil was barely watered.

“That’s why you need me,” says Martin lightly. “Right, so for tonight, let’s get something to eat. Tomorrow, we’ll do the thing—I’ll sell the goods and pick up what Julia, Mark, and Peter need.”

“Why bother?” whispers Jon.

“Because of hope, Jon. If we act like life is going to continue, maybe it actually will.”

Jon leans into him. “I don’t know how you do that.”

“I don’t know how you don’t do it.” Martin holds him.

Jon leans in and presses one soft kiss to Martin’s neck. “Back to the inn.”

“Yeah. They said they can send dinner up, so I say we do that.”

“What have we got to lose?” says Jon, and they hold each other, and return to the inn without ever letting go even once.

Neither of them know when this will be taken from them. Neither of them is willing to waste a second.

#

It’s absolutely unfair that the room should be so lovely. It overlooks the pond in the back of the inn; the stable is just in sight to the left, and fruit trees provide shade just beyond it.

It would be a perfect place for a writing retreat. While Jon showers, Martin tries.

I never let go, though you turned FROM ME Maybe I should go away— Find a way to break us free. But I still think you want to stay.

Martin stares at it. “Well, that was a waste of ink,” he murmurs.

“What?” says Jon, drying off.

“Nothing.” Martin eyes the page.

If only I could let it go FOR YOU All the pain with me, you bear. Wounds and lies and tempting things, Vanish them right into the air.

Martin laughs. “This is the silliest thing I’ve ever written in my life.”

“Well, don’t stop now. Make it even worse.”

“You’re not peeking, are you?”

“I’m not peeking. I said I wouldn’t, so I only have your glowing reviews to go by.”

Martin chuckles and looks back at the paper.

How to sever this tether-cord FROM YOU Is there something I’d not do?

Martin stops before finishing.

He’s not sure he likes where this is going.

“Right,” says Jon. “One more attempt. After that, if there’s something somebody wants me to see, they should’ve put it on a lower shelf.”

Martin can’t look away from his notebook. Slowly, as if in a trance, he finishes it.

Any world I’d choose to spare? Or knife I’d keep, still hid in sheath?

This was a lot darker than he’d planned. He closes the notebook. “Right. So. Back to the library one more time, then?”

“Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more,” murmurs Jon. “Or close the wall up with our English dead. In peace there's nothing so becomes a man as modest stillness and humility: but when the blast of war blows in our ears, then imitate the action of the tiger.”

Martin stares. “Shakespeare?”

“He never existed here, or he’s been completely forgotten. Thought it might be nice to speak the words. To… say a thing that can’t exist with the kind of control the King has in this place. A beautiful thing.”

Martin loves him even more. “You amaze me.”

Jon blushes. “Come on. Let’s do it.”

#

It feels like a walk to the gallows, this final library trip. Which is absurd. It’s a gorgeous, cool day; the sky is bright blue, and the air is crisp. Everyone around them smiles, nods, does business.

It’s all so… organized.

There is no theft, no violence. No threats of any kind.

There is also no true joy. Nothing to speak of in terms of recent innovation. No depth to the “happiness” they all share.

No children’s laughter. No sudden, loud voices in celebration or humor or shock.

This, thinks Jon, is why he’s felt parched. His roots have gone as deep as they can here, but he’s an oak trying to subsist in an inch of soil.

“You’ve got a weird look,” Martin informs him.

I could never survive here, Jon realizes, and his heart lurches.

Years of this?

Years of never finding nutrients?

This place will kill him, eventually. It’ll take time, but it will.

And if he says this to Martin, he’ll break his heart. “I… just wish things could be different.”

“Me too.” Martin puts his arm around Jon’s shoulders. “Want me to research anything? You know, with my academically honed talents.”

Jon laughs softly. “Do anything you want, Martin. Anything is fine.”

Martin scoffs. “Well, leaving the world isn’t on the list, so it’s not anything I want.”

Jon leans in.

He knows Martin is lying. Martin would love to stay.

This place doesn’t bother Martin like it does him.

Martin will be fine here, he tells himself. If they all just leave him alone, he’ll be all right. He exhales slowly. “Time to get to work.”

He wanders a little, ignoring the books in the stacks. He’s trying to listen; not exactly to reach for the Eye, but to pick up anything he’s given, any hint, any direction.

This is your last chance, he thinks at whomever, whatever, might be trying to help him. Be more obvious, or we’re done. I can’t see it with what you’ve given me so far. Be more clear.

For no reason he can discern, he changes direction, leaves the library, and wanders through the classrooms.

Martin follows in silence.

Jon finds himself outside the office of the Paragon of London’s Grove.

The door is locked.

“I’ve got this,” says Martin, pulling a couple of tools out of nowhere, and begins to work on the hinges. “Funny, isn’t it? Where you find locks here.”

“Only when real knowledge is involved,” says Jon. “There’s no other occasion anything is ever locked away.”

“Nothing creepy about that,” says Martin, and easily lifts the solid wood door right off its hinges and sets it lightly in the hall.

Jon stares at him. Grins.

Martin grins back. Blushes.

“Most eligible stud in West Village,” says Jon, and heads into the office to the sound of Martin’s embarrassed laughter.

It looks exactly like Mason’s office.

Jon knows where he’s supposed to look, and walks over to the desk.

Bottom right drawer. “Can you break this open?”

“You’re not worried about being caught?”

“What are they going to do? Turn me over to their horrible yellow god?”

“Good point,” says Martin, and jimmies the drawer open.

Then they both stare.

“Martin,” says Jon, slowly. “What do you see?”

“A tape recorder.”

“Right. That’s not technology they developed here. Is it?”

“Not that I’ve seen, no. The few electronic devices we’ve seen have nothing to do with… with….”

“Broadcasting, receiving, or retaining communication,” says Jon.

“Right,” says Martin. “Also, it says Philips. That shouldn’t be possible, should it?”

“Definitely not.” Jon swallows.

“Well… do we play it?” says Martin.

Oh, Jon needs to play it. “It has to be from our world. But how? How did it get here? Why is it in his drawer?”

“To lure you, or something?” says Martin.

“How could it lure me if I didn’t know it was here?”

“How did you know?”

“I didn’t.”

“Oh, good,” says Martin. “This is fine. This is all fine.”

“I’m going to play it.”

“Let’s do it in the other room. Seems a bit much to do it in not-Mason’s office.”

“Not-Mason, is it?” says Jon with a small smile, and reaches for the tape recorder.

It comes away to reveal a lot of white webbing.

The drawer is filled with it. There is no sign of a spider.

“But they’re not here,” whispers Martin. “Are they?”

“No,” says Jon. “Well….”

“Jon,” says Martin.

“I mean, I don’t know how close they are compared to before Jonah’s trap, you know?”

Martin grabs his shoulders and turns him. “Say more words right now.”

“I wasn’t… I’m not what I was before Jonah tricked me.”

“Jon, come on.”

“Sorry, I’ve not tried to verbalize this before. Look—after he did it, after I changed, I was only aware of the Fears as they were in the new world we’d made. I don’t know what they would’ve felt like before that, if I were… what I was after.”

“You’re saying they could actually be in this world like they were in ours, but you wouldn’t know because your radar wasn’t set up. That’s what you’re saying. And you just didn’t realize it?”

“I’ve considered it,” Jon says. “But it doesn’t seem likely. Nobody’s… there aren’t statements like there were back home. I mean, there’s fear, but it isn’t the same. So they can’t be here.” He pauses. “At least, that’s what I thought—until I saw this.”

They both stare at the drawer again. The web is impossibly thick in it; no spider could, would, have just done that.

“Jon,” says Martin slowly. “We are the only people who came through, right? When Annabelle did her thing. Weren’t we?”

“Martin, I honestly don’t know. Maybe some other avatars did come through.” Jon looks at the tape recorder.

“I thought you hated that word. Avatars.”

“It’s better than nothing,” Jon says. “Where do you want to listen? Does it matter?”

“No. Let’s just go back to the library.”

Martin replaces the door, then leads the way.

Together they sit between the stacks, in a spot dark enough that they can just see one another’s faces, and Jon presses play.

“Hello, Jon,” says Annabelle Cane’s voice. “First off, I want to apologize, because if you’re hearing this, then something went a little wrong.”

Jon stops the tape, gets up, and paces hard, marching back and forth for a moment or two.

Martin has no trouble with this behavior. He feels like doing something wild himself. “Why didn’t she come say anything, if she’s here?”

“She’s not here.”

“You don’t know that, do you? How did this get here, here, waiting for us, if she’s not?”

“I don’t know, Martin! How can I know? Do you want me to reach for the Eye?”

“No, of course not, I—” Martin sighs. “I got used to you being apocalyptic Google, all right? I’m sorry.”

“No. No, I am.” Jon flops next to him, bonelessly. “I haven’t helped, being all… cryptic.”

“I think we need to hear the rest.”

“We do.” Jon presses play.

“Of course, by a little wrong, I really mean we didn’t end up in the alternate Earth we hoped for, but in something… else. Don’t worry. The Mother already thought about it.”

“She could’ve shared that,” mutters Jon.

“No, she couldn’t,” says Annabelle.

Jon stiffens.

“You were already so hesitant to listen, Jon—so ready to just make sure the Dread Powers came to an end. If we’d told you all the things that could go wrong with our plan, you’d only have clutched Martin to yourself and gone over the cliff together.”

Jon sighs. “She’s not wrong.”

Martin has a different concern. “Did she just answer you?”

“She did,” says Jon. “Or at least, she guessed what I’d say.”

“Oh, by the way—yes, I’m guessing what you’ll say, and trying to respond accordingly, pauses included. Makes it easier on both of us.”

Jon doesn’t know what his face is doing, but Martin makes a sound that could be a laugh or could be a cough, and Jon doesn’t want to know which.

“Let me try,” says Martin. “Hi, Annabelle.”

“However,” says Annabelle, “since you’re listening, you didn’t end up in one of the truly bad ones, and that’s already a step up.”

“A step up from what?” says Jon.

“Oh, an atmosphere incapable of transmitting sound waves, or a change in humidity or acidity at such a level that the recorder couldn’t survive, or… well, a lot of things,” says Annabelle.

“Stop doing that,” Jon says.

“Only if I’ve gotten my point across,” says Annabelle.

Jon hits stop and begins pacing again.

“Jon,” says Martin softly. “We don’t know how much time we have. If we weren’t supposed to find this, then something could come along and destroy it. We need to listen now.”

Jon looks at him.

Martin swallows. Jon’s eyes are suspiciously shiny.

Jon sits. Leans in. “All right.”

Martin knows he’s not all right, but he hits play.

“Speaking of which,” says Annabelle. “I hope Martin is with you. Hello, Martin.”

“You’re late,” says Martin.

“Leave him alone,” mutters Jon.

“We did, you know,” says Annabelle.

“Damn it, Anabelle!”

“I’m sorry, Jon. Now, listen: the Mother is sure that if you’re hearing this tape, it means we landed in an… occupied universe.”

“Fuck you, Anabelle,” says Jon.

“Rude. Anyway. The Mother also calculates a 95.7 percent chance the occupying forces are interested in you for one of two reasons: either to keep you from summoning the Dread Powers, or to make you do it.”

Jon goes gray.

“Jon,” whispers Martin.

“And, if you’re listening to this tape, you’re fleeing whichever option it is—which probably means it’s the latter one.”

“I hate this,” says Jon.

“I know,” says Anabelle softly. “And I’m sorry. I know these words won’t land for you, either, but if Martin is there, he’ll appreciate them: no, you don’t deserve this. And no, you didn’t do anything to cause this. No one is innocent, purely, but this? You didn’t do this, Jon. Jonah Magnus did.”

If Martin is there.

Jon covers his face.

“She’s right,” says Martin, trying not to let himself react to Annabelle’s words, because they are terrible, and—

“Anyway, here’s something else you need to know: you can’t prevent our return.”

“Oh, go to hell,” says Jon, reaching for the recorder.

“Hold on,” says Anabelle before he can hit stop. “The question isn’t whether you can prevent it. You can’t—but you have options beyond it happening or not. That’s very important. That’s everything.”

“Why? What does anything else matter?”

“I can’t tell you that, or you won’t make the right choices. Best of luck, Jon. I do hope you’re not alone.”

And the tape runs, static all that’s left.

“What the fuck good did that even do?” shouts Jon.

“A lot,” says Martin. “It’s a whole different way of looking at all this.”

“A wrong way. A crazy way. We can’t stop it? Oh, but surely you can guess what other options you have? Damn it!”

“I don’t know. But you know what? She must have made, like, thousands of tapes.”

Jon stares at him.

“For every eventuality.”

“I doubt it’s every—”

“She had to have.”

“And how does that explain it getting where it needed to be for us to find it?” Jon challenges.

Martin just looks at him.

Jon deflates. “I know. It’s the damn Web. That’s hardly the most important concern.”

Martin doesn’t say how much it upsets him that Anabelle couldn’t predict what he’d say.

He swallows. This is getting bad. “Maybe… maybe she was talking about timing?” he says.

Jon sighs and leans in. “She had one chance to leave us something plain that could change the course of all this. Instead, she had to be mysterious.”

“She has her nature,” says Martin quietly. “I get it. You do, too. I love you anyway, you know.”

Jon stares at him.

“I do,” says Martin. “Look, I had no idea what we were in for when I got a crush, your first year as my boss. But after that, after the Circus, and Elias, and everything….”

“Martin—”

He has to say this, has to get it out before it’s too late, because Anabelle hadn’t seemed sure he’d be there, and somehow it feels like everything is going to happen so fast from here on. He has to say this. “No, for once, you listen to me. I’m saying that after all that, I did know what I was getting into. You were so worried about not being human anymore, but you were you, and I could see that whatever you were becoming, you were still you.”

“Except when I took statements without permission.”

Martin sighs. “I’m sorry I handled that the way I did—but you’re still not listening. It didn’t matter to me that you were doing it, all right? I was a coward about dealing with it, but it didn’t change how I felt. It doesn’t matter what you are because I love who you are. And I should’ve said it more often. And sure, I can get frustrated because things are messed up all around us, but none of that means I love you any less! If being with you meant going into the Lonely all over again, I’d do it. Do you understand?”

Martin breathes hard. In the silence of the library, it is ponderous, a huge sound.

“I would do anything for you,” whispers Jon.

It is a terrifying vow between them. “I know.” Martin kisses him.

Jon goes into it with a vulnerability he rarely shows. He gets his tears on Martin’s face. Maybe he thinks things are happening quickly, too.

Fuck them, Martin thinks. Fuck you. I don’t care who you are. You can’t have this. “One more night.”

“What?”

“Let’s stay one more night. Get sloshed. Enjoy a real bed. One more night alone.”

“All right, Martin. All right.”

Because, Martin finally admits to himself, that Kayne was correct: if he really asks for something, Jon will give it.

Whether or not it’s wise. Whether or not it’s what Jon wants.

Martin isn’t sure how healthy that is.

Silent, together, they wander weird London, and admire the goods for sale, and inspect architecture and landmarks.

There is no art. No museums. No music beyond locals singing ancient, local tunes.

They eat in their room, and get properly buzzed, and lie together on the bed, and don’t go more than a minute without touching.

It is good.

It is so very good.

No one bothers them, and that is even better.

#

The dream comes without warning.

It’s eerily similar to the first time the King in Yellow approached the cottage. The King is just there, outside, in the orchard.

Jon won’t make the same mistake this time. “Martin,” he says.

“He can’t hear you, Archivist,” comes from the open window. “You’re not even truly awake—can’t you tell?”

Jon sits up and realizes he can see himself in the bed.

He’s draped on Martin, face buried, clinging in his sleep. His hair covers them both, and Martin’s hands are buried in it.

We’re a good-looking couple, he thinks, really just meaning Martin, really just trying not to freak out, really just delaying the inevitable.

“Do you want me to come to you?” says the King in the courtyard, sounding utterly amused.

“All right, all right, I’m coming,” says Jon, throat tight, and gets out of bed.

He’s clothed in this dream, which is good. He still shivers as he walks through the ghost-empty inn and around the building to the back.

The King dwarfs the apple trees.

It’s quiet in the little stable behind them. The animals don’t seem to care. “Are you dreaming, as well?”

“No. I am very much here,” says the King.

Jon frowns. “How does that work?”

The King just chuckles. “Oh, Archivist—there is so much I could teach you.”

That… trembles along some hungry place inside Jon, and he refuses to think about it. “What did you do to the animals, then, if you’re really here?”

“I have ensured no animals detect me unless I wish,” says the King, who hasn’t bothered to land; he hovers above the fish-pond, sending little waves across its surface. “Otherwise, they tend to be… skittish.”

“I can believe that,” Jon murmurs, wondering if it’s the same kind of awareness-warping influence the Hunt extends to prey.

He wonders at the rippling pond next. Is it aesthetic or practical? Is there an air-current effect, or some kind of gravitational adjustment? Can he do that without disturbing the water? Would it be palpable to anyone or anything beneath him? Is it harmful? Is it even real, or a dream-effect? How does—

“You really never stop,” says the King, his tone oddly wondering as he pulls Jon out of comforting curiosity.

“What do—” Careful, Sims. Jon modifies his tone. “What do you want, anyway? Um. Your lordship.”

The King laughs.

Jon reddens. As attempts to placate monsters go, that wasn’t great.

Doesn’t matter. He’ll do anything to keep the King’s attention away from that room and Martin.

“You already know what I want, Archivist,” says the King so graciously that Jon grits his teeth. “Call the Entities.”

Jon exhales. “I can’t.”

There is a low, displeased rumble, almost mechanical, not a growl, but something worse. “You won’t. I don’t appreciate lies, Archivist.”

“I apologize,” mutters Jon, shaking because he hadn’t been trying to lie, because he really needs to not make this thing angry while Martin is near. “And it’s just Jon, please. I’m no Archivist here.”

“As you wish… Jon.”

So that was a mistake.

Jon has no idea if it has something to do with the old concepts of “true names” or something, but the King saying that is far, far worse. It pings something in him, trembles some soul-deep string in sympathetic resonance.

“Call the Entities.”

“I won’t. I didn't even choose to do it the first time.” And he has a chance to verify Kayne’s claim: “You could probably force me. Why haven’t you?”

“Before your ascension? Yes. I could have forced you, tricked you, trained you.”

Jon swallows bile.

“But now? It is… delicate. You’ve achieved godhood, Jon, but you’ve done it in an unorthodox and unstable way—though perhaps you can’t be blamed. Such rough, unwilling deification is too much for any human to bear.” His tone is pitying, denigrating. “The point is, your soul is damaged.”

So every part of that was bad.

“Damaged how?” says Jon, roughly.

“This isn’t the place to show you,” says the King. “Once you obey, I will. I’ll even heal you, if you ask. Regardless, I can’t force you now without destroying your ability to do it at all. You’ll have to do it by choice.”

As if he’d ever ask this being to do anything to his soul. “I won’t call them by choice. They’ll destroy the world you’ve built.”

“A world you don’t seem to appreciate, in spite of my graciousness toward you,” says the King.

“And I’m grateful for that,” says Jon, trying so hard. “I am. But I know these Fears. I know what they can do. I won’t inflict them on an innocent universe.”

“Now, Jon,” says the King, and that rumble is pleased now, because Jon gave him an opening and didn’t think it through. “That’s not true, is it? You already did. You made that choice—it just didn’t turn out quite the way you thought.”

And the weight of that choice—the force of it, all the shame—lands.

The choice to send the Entities elsewhere, because of Martin’s plea.

The choice to send the Entities elsewhere, violating his conscience, pretending at hope.

The choice to send the Entities elsewhere, because Martin was going to die, and Jon couldn’t do that, in the end.

Could not.

But he had chosen to send the Entities elsewhere. The reason, maybe, didn’t matter.

He hasn’t thought about that moment since they arrived. He’s refused. They haven’t talked about it. Haven’t dealt with it.

Jon doesn’t think he can deal with it.

He looks at his feet, at the dream-version of the boots that actually fit him (one of their first purchases, and one Martin was very proud of), and cannot bring himself to speak.

“All I want you to do is finish what you already started,” the King practically purrs at him. “Call the Entities. It’s a choice you already made, Jon. Don’t worry. I will keep you safe.”

“You can’t. No one can. Once they’re here, fully, there will be no stopping them.”

That rumble again, displeased, there and gone. “You are running out of chances to do this the easy way.”

Jon shudders hard. “I know. I’m sorry.” He’s not even sure what he’s apologizing for.

There is a moment of bad silence. The only thing in it is Jon’s fear.

He doesn’t know what he’s going to do once the King decides the easy way is done.

He knows it will be horrible.

“It doesn’t have to be like this.” The King sounds regretful. “Do you know what I could show you? What I could teach you? Do you not understand that I hold within me the knowledge of an entire universe? And I could give it to you, Jon. You could see… everything.”

Jon can’t help his little shuddery sound.

It was pulled from him, the barest escape of the raw need he feels at those words.

He’s so hungry. So dry.

He shakes his head again, eyes wet, not trusting himself to speak.

“As you wish, Jon. Enjoy your stay,” says the King, almost gently. “I suggest the stew—it’s particularly hearty.” And he’s just gone.

Jon covers his face with his hands and doesn’t go back to his bed or his body until he can slow his non-corporeal breathing down.

(part five)

NOTES

What's that? A city designed on a grid? I wonder when that's going to come up again. ¯\ (ツ) /¯

[ghostbustermelanieking]

67 for the kiss prompts 👀

of course it's another safehouse fic! warning for some self-loathing on the parts of jon and martin. 

67. When One Stops The Kiss To Whisper “I’m Sorry, Are You Sure You-” And They Answer By Kissing Them More.

Jon's on the phone with Basira in the other room. Martin can hear the rise and fall of his voice through the walls. He halfway wishes he'd said yes to Jon's offer to put her on speaker—he wants to know how bad it is. Wants to know exactly how badly he fucked up when he followed Peter into those tunnels (in more than just the obvious ways). 

Jon's said it wasn't his fault. Said that this morning, over the eggs he'd scrambled on a whim that were going cold on Martin's plate, covering Martin's hand with his: "It wasn't your fault, Martin. It wasn't. I-it wasn't even just the Not-Sasha, it… Trevor and Julia…" And then he'd stopped, a pained expression on his face, and Martin knew he wasn't the only one feeling guilty for everything that happened at the Panopticon the day before. 

The reality of Jon being here is still so new, so strange, after not talking for months, for a year, what with the coma, and the Lonely… Martin doesn't think he ever even had Jon to his flat before this; he thinks he suggested it once, after a drink one night, if Jon wanted to come back and have some tea, and Jon had politely said no, thank you, with a look in his eyes that made Martin think maybe he was thinking about all the kidnappings. So, yes, this is the first time Jon's ever been here. After months of silence, months of Martin talking himself out of going down the hall and talking to Jon, telling Jon how glad he was that he's alive, how sorry he was that he couldn't stay, how much he hated this, every bit of it… After it all, Jon came for him. Peter's dead, and there's no reason for them to stay away now. 

It's a relief, beyond what Martin will ever be able to articulate, but it's still strange, after all this time. Waking up in his bed to find Jon lying on the other side, stiff and tentative under the covers. To find Jon in the kitchen after a shower, making eggs and tea. To have Jon halfway holding his hand. Even after everything—after that period before the Unknowing where they were really sort of friends… this is surreal in a way Martin can't really explain.

Jon had actually held his hand all the way out of the Lonely, all the way back to his flat. Had reached for it over the expanse of Martin's mattress and held on. Martin doesn't remember him letting go. He doesn't remember ever wanting him to. It's a good surreal, he thinks. It's good. 

Jon comes out of the kitchen, now, his hand clutched around his phone, his face grim. Martin startles a little, his hands clenching together in his lap. "H-how was it?" he says. "Is it… d-do they have any sign of…" (Basira had filled them in on Daisy last night.)

"No, no, no sign." Jon sighs a little. Sits down on the couch beside Martin, so close their knees bump together. He doesn't meet Martin's eyes. 

Martin feels a habitual lump of worry rise in his throat. "You can tell me, Jon," he says, in case Jon is trying to shield him somehow. "It's… it's bad, isn't it?"

"I… yeah. Yeah, it's not good." Jon looks at him finally, his expression suggesting that’s all he’s going to say, like he’s going to try and protect Martin no matter what Martin says. “Basira… Basira says they’ll blame me,” he adds. “Again. She says they were already asking questions, they… sh-she said they’ll be looking for me again.”

" What? " Martin's aware his voice sounds insulted, and he is, on Jon's behalf, framed again for murders he didn't commit. (Well. Jon did kill Peter, but. Martin's not mourning that, not at all, he deserved it, and Peter isolated himself enough that the police shouldn't be looking for him. And the thought of Jon being blamed again for something he didn't even do…) "You didn't do anything, h-how can they blame you?"

Jon laughs a little, quiet bitterness in there. "It's easy. A-and it is my fault, sort of. I'm the one who antagonized Julia and Trevor. I'm the one who… who kept that stupid table, and then destroyed it and let that thing out. I'm the one who…" He stops. Winces, shakes his head a little. "I-it doesn't matter," he says. "Basira's sure they'll blame me. She says I need to get out of London." 

Martin latches onto that, his heart leaping in his throat. Maybe he has no right to be this concerned, considering he's holed himself up for months, ignoring Jon and working with Peter for a plan that didn't even do anything —but he can't help but panic at the idea of Jon leaving again, going somewhere else, somewhere where they can't keep him safe… Not that Jon isn't entirely self-sufficient, he's been fine all this time, he's saved Martin, and not that Martin's been doing a good job at all, considering everything, Jon came into the Lonely because of him and could've just as easily been lost, and it would've been his fault. But after everything… America, Ny-Alesund, the Unknowing, every time Jon went somewhere and Martin didn't, and something horrible happened, and Martin just… 

He tries to force the panic out of his voice, tries to speak levelly when he says, "Leave… leave London? And go where? "

"Scotland, apparently. Daisy has a safehouse that she… that she obviously won't be doing, and Basira said…" Jon swallows hard, looks away. "Well, she said I should leave right away. She said she would bring me the key here, and I should leave on the next train." 

"Oh," says Martin. A part of him is nearly shouting, Don't go, don't leave me here, but this is ridiculous, Jon has to go, and he can't ask… not after everything Jon's done… (But he doesn't want Jon to leave, he doesn't want to be alone again.) "I… y-yeah. Yeah, that's best," he says, because he can't, and he'd rather have Jon alive and somewhere else than arrested or dead, again, and his throat is closing up a little. "If they're looking for you, you should leave as soon as possible." 

"Right," says Jon. "Right, a-and I would…" He's staring down at his hands, intently, like he's trying to find answers in the lines of his palms. Martin is thinking absently that he does that, too, and isn't it funny how many habits he and Jon share that he's never realized, when Jon looks up abruptly. He's got an expression that's almost shy on his face; he says, "I-I was wondering if you'd like to come with me."

They're quiet for a moment.. Martin's staring; he thinks he definitely might be staring. His mouth might be hanging open. Jon starts talking again, too fast and stammering and anxious: "O-obviously if you don't want to, th-there's no obligation, of course, i-it's just that I… well, I haven't seen you for such a long time, Martin, and w-we just started talking again, and I… I thought you might want t-to get out of here, maybe, the Institute, it's… and I don't want you to be alo—" 

Martin kisses him. Leans forward, just like that, and abruptly kisses Jon, cutting him off mid-sentence. Jon makes a little sound, a punched-out gasp, and his hand moves up, resting suddenly against Martin's jaw. 

It takes a moment for Martin to fully connect his actions— Jon just asked me to go to Scotland and You just kissed him —and he pulls away abruptly. "I-I'm sorry," he says wildly, thinking I should've asked, thinking Martin, you idiot, just because he followed you into the Lonely doesn't mean he wants to… 

Jon's looking at him. His eyes are dark and wet and full of some emotion Martin can't place, and he's just looking at him. His hand is still on Martin's jaw, his fingers warm against Martin's chilly skin. Martin's eyes dart to the side—to Jon's fingers, his bitten nails, resting against Martin's cheek—and then back to Jon. "I'm sorry," he says again, and Jon shakes his head, just a little. Rubs a thumb over Martin's cheek. 

The gesture is enough to make Martin want to break. Just shatter in a dozen little pieces inside. He's not sure what to say—his brain, wildly grasping, comes up with, "Are you sure you—" And Jon leans forward, just as abruptly as Martin did, and kisses him again. Kisses him gently, sweetly, with a sort of underlying desperation that sounds like it did in the Lonely last night. We need you. I need you. His hands are still on Martin's face. 

Martin makes a little sound of shock. Fumbles up with shaking hands to cover Jon's hand with his, to grasp it gently and desperately (the way Jon is kissing him) and not let go. Not this time.

Jon's the one to pull away, first, just far enough to rest his forehead against Martin's. He laughs a little, nervous energy, and doesn't let go of Martin's hand. "You don't need to apologize, Martin, you…" He laughs again, quietly. "I'm very sure. I am. I've been wanting to do that for… quite a long time."

"Oh," Martin says faintly, his thumb tracing the line of Jon's palm. "You have?"

Jon nods, his forehead thunking lightly against Martin's with the motion. Martin chuckles. "Me… me, too."

"Oh," Jon says softly. He squeezes Martin's hand. 

Martin looks down at their joined hands (on his knee, now), leaning into Jon a little. (Just a little.). "Yes," he says, and there is no tremble, no hint of hesitation in his voice. He's sure about this, maybe the surest he's been in a long time. "Yes, I'll go to Scotland with you."

[bare1ythere]

Saw someone on the TMA subreddit say that Jon and Martin’s love was underdeveloped, and I’m just so confused about how they think that? To me their love of each other (especially Martin) was fairly clear from S2 (for Martin) or S3 (for Jon) on. Of course, I don’t really think Jon went immediately from “Martin (derogatory)” to falling in love with him, but I wasn’t sure where to draw the line in when his actions clearly changed from platonic to romanic. It got me thinking about the difference between romantic and platonic acts of affection, and maybe it’s because im aroace but I really don’t see any outside of intent?

There’s a reason people have so many different headcanons for when they fell in love with each other in the first place. Like for me, I don’t think Jon started developing feelings until S3, and he didn’t become aware that they were romantic until he woke up from his coma. But there’s definitely other readings there! Maybe Jon fell in love after he realized Martin “lying” to him was only about his CV. Maybe Jon fell in love in S1 and was in denial about it for a long time. Maybe it was in the storage room when they opened up to each other during Prentiss’ attack. That all doesn’t change how he interacted with Martin in canon, just the listener’s own reading of his intent. But regardless of whether it was romantic or platonic at the time, it’s undeniable that these two cared about each other long before they got together during the safehouse period.

Like, okay, was Martin making sure Jon didn’t “stab himself again” in S2 not love? Was reassuring Martin to not blame himself after he was kidnapped for a month not love? Was “I need him to be okay” (Martin, MAG117) not love? Was “I need him to be okay, I just do.” (Jon, MAG139) not love? What about offering to gouge your eyes out in order for you both to escape together? Or diving into the eldritch manifestation of loneliness just to save the one you care about? 

Not all love has to be explicit, in your face romance. Not all romantic love has to be shown through kissing and “I love you”s and romantic dates on screen. All of these moments were more subtle, but in my opinion, more profound expressions of care than surface level romantic gestures that could’ve been written in. Add to that the fact that Jon is ace and doesn’t necessarily do all parts of a typical on-screen relationship, and it makes the idea that their romance is “underdeveloped” even stranger. 

Don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing that S5 makes jonmartin very explicitly romantic and I love that Jonny wrote them that way, but I think it’s nice too that throughout the lead up to this point we can find love and romance in any act of care that Jon or Martin do, depending on your own reading of how their relationship progressed.