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#and maybe look into medication if it's possible
venmondiese · 17 hours
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Anxiety Relieving Purposes
✧ part 1: stress relieving purposes ✧
Summary: Exam week has arrived so you have a another brilliant idea for you and Aemond. Seeing him full of dread and anxiety, you think of the best way of calming him.
✧Pairing: Modern!Aemond Targaryen x Fem!Reader ✧Warnings: MDNI 18+, p in v sex, free use, public sex, oral sex (m receiving), no protection, creampie, slight breeding kink, slight (not so slight) size kink, fingering, aemond being a tease. ✧Word Count: 6.7k ✧Note: so..... aemond's exam is fully here!! and all the things he studied are things that I AM studying at the moment so yeah #studying and writing. I have weeks FULL of things, and may seems (at the moment) very empty, so I will try to work on my wips there!!
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The day of the famous exam, Aemond was outside the classroom, as he waited for his name to be called. His turn was near at 16:15 pm, so he came with anticipation, as the professor asked for them to wait in case a space was available for whatever reason. 
14:01, his expensive watch said. It was his grandfather’s, and he asked his father to give it to him, ignoring the fact that he conveniently asked when his father was high on medications, but that was another thing. He even wore that seven pointed star necklace his mum gave to him, so the Gods may be with him. 
This class was brutal, and he knew it. He knew very well when he enrolled with this particular professor. It was hard, but you learnt everything. And he, the pretentious ambitious little shit that he was, did it willingly. 
He should have listened to you. Your exam? To start, it wasn’t even oral like this one, and you could take your notes to the exams, because it was mostly rational and analytical thinking. Have you learned much? No, but you were passing.
And it wasn’t like he got bad grades, in fact he was one of the brilliant few people in the class. The thing is that this particular exam was valued at 40% whereas the rest of papers and exams were barely over 15%. If someone failed this one it was the end. 
He took a drag of his cigarette, leaning over the open window of the hallway, so the smell of cigarette wasn’t so evident. He wanted to do this oral exam as quickly as possible, so he was waiting like a vulture around the classroom.
When a single hand covers his only functioning eye, he sighs as he smokes, rolling his eye under your hand.
“Guess who!” It is your animated voice, and even without saying anything, he’d know it was you.
“You little shit” He says, taking your hand off. “You really just covered one of my eyes?”
As he turns, he sees you holding a bucket of fried chicken, and he has to smirk. 
“Well, I had to hold your lunch with the other hand, duh.” You say smugly, almost proud of this little surprise for him. “You know that five cigarettes do not count as lunch?”
“It does when you are anxious. And about to throw up” He adds, as he looks a bit at the closed door of the auditory, and he sighs. 
Your smug smile softens, and you leave the bucket of food on the near table, and you wrap your arms around him, as he decides to kill his cigarette on the ashtray, to wrap his arms around you as well.
“You’ll do fine” You whisper, assuring him of it. “And the professor will be so surprised that he’ll stand up and do a public ovation for you” You add teasingly. 
“That’s so…” He says giggling at the idea, his tight stomach feels more at ease at your silly jokes. “Stupid”
“It is in the future.” You say, convinced “And he’ll immediately give you a doctorate, and then you’ll work and maintain me, of course.” 
He chuckles amused, rubbing you back as he looks where your chin rests against his chest, looking up to him. “And I’ll do that willingly? Oh gods, maybe I’ll fail the exam, then”
You laugh as you hit the side of his left rib, and he tightens his embrace slightly.
“I’ll pay you well” You say nodding.
“How so?”
“I’ll clean the house, and I’ll be your pretty maid which from occasion to occasion sucks your dick”
“I think I'll be better if you become my personal sex slave” he whispers with a smug smirk, and he feels your hand slapping the side of his rib again. “Because you are already my slut, no?”
“Imbecile. And look at me, buying you lunch. Fried chicken, the spicy one that you like.” You add the last thing, separating from his hug as you cross your arms. “Men are disgusting, they want only one thing” You dramatise as he laughs at your words.
“Fine, fine… we’ll eat the fried chicken. You’ll feed me yourself?”
“You are insane if you think…” Your voice trails off as you see how his smile fades and he tilts his head to watch the students leaving the auditory.
You turn to watch the scene, a girl clearly crying as she makes her way to the bathroom. Baela comes out of the classroom, slightly defeated, with another student. One of the assistants of the professor closes the door, so they discuss the answers immediately. 
Aemond walks hushedly next to Baela, as you grab the bucket to follow him. You can see how his body is tense, walking hushedly and full of anxiety.
“How did it go?” Aemond joins the conversation as Baela is the first of the group to get out, and you see Cregan and Jace get close too, along with other fellow students.
“It fucked me” Baela admits shaking her head.
You can feel the anxiety along the group, and you stand next to Aemond, looking at him as he places a hand on his mouth as if to think what the hell and how the fuck he will get over this.
“What did they ask you?” You dare to ask.
“ How biopower by Foucault could relationate with Deleuze and Guattari’s… notion of desiring-production, how the concepts contribute to the understanding of modern forms of governance and subjectivity as seen in class.” She says and everyone looked extremely horrified by the question itself. 
“Holy fuck” Jace mutters.
“And Moeria? What about her? She left crying..” Cregan says as he looks at Baela.
 “ How Foucault’s disciplinary power intersects with Judith Butler’s performativity? With examples from each perspective and respective works… and how they work together, something like that”
“That was easy!” Aemond says, frustrated, because he wasn’t the one to get that question. You see how his own hand starts picking on his cuticles, and breaking his nails in anxiousness.
“Fucking Foucault…” Jace murmurs as he sighs horrified. 
You can see how Aemond’s hand trembled slightly, he was as well horrified. He’d told you, there were only 40 questions, randomly selected. He had to study hard, read like five books just to get asked one question. And when the easiest left, only the hard ones left for the ones at the very end.
“Let’s eat” You say, taking his hand, and he looks at you, with uncertainty in his eyes, as he nods slightly. He was anxious, you could see. “Destroying your hands won’t leave you at ease… Food might” You add with a gentle smile.
He nodded, sighing as he was tired. You exchanged slight awkward looks with Cregan as he waved his hand to you and you smiled politely, before walking away with Aemond. 
“I could have answered that one…” He whines as you two walk downstairs to eat. “It was far too easy. You wanna know why?”
“Why?” You ask just to leave him let all out. 
“If you add Foucault's insights into disciplinary power with Butler's theory of performativity, you get this more… full understanding of how social control operates through the regulation of bodies and identities! Together you can see the…the complex interplay that there is always is between power, discourse, and subjectivity in… shaping the understanding of self and society.” He says frustrated, as he follows you.
“Well, do not worry. Maybe you’ll get Foucault as you so adore him.”
“I swear that if someone else gets something about the panopticon… I will kill myself” 
“You won’t kill yourself over that”
“I’ll get the easiest top mark ever” He says very seriously about it. “It’s so easy I learned it when I was like two years old”
“You are over exaggerating, Aemond” You say as you both walk to the outside of the building, as you find a bench for you two to sit. “Relax”
“It is not in my nature”
“Believe me when I say that I know that” You say as you pat your side for him to sit. “That’s why I brought the best fried chicken ever.” As you open the bucket, he leans slightly as he puts some alcohol gel on his hands, ready to eat. He was starving, between the ball of anxiousness stuck on his stomach. “It is not as warm, but…”
“It could be cold, but I’d love it anyway because you brought them for me.” He says looking at you “You don’t even have classes today”
“No, I do not. That’s the thing when you are just the best student in class, you tend to approve earlier than the rest…”
“Oh, shush” He says as he grabs one and he makes a delighted moan as he eats it. “It’s so good. I needed this”
“The food or me?”
He rolls his eye, but lowkey, he knows that the answer is you. 
You two enjoy the food together, as you try to lighten up his mood. He is still very tense, his shoulders do not seem slightly as ease, and he was still trying to destroy his cuticles.
You look at his face. He looks slightly off. Aemond, who was very much perfectionist on his appearance, seems not to have cared enough these days. It felt like that, you knew. Studying hard so that you pass the appropriate time to bath, eat or sleep. 
The thing with Aemond is that he is utterly obsessive. A perfectionist at heart, and he likes things to do as he planned. Gives him security and confidence, and he always gave his whole soul to something so important for him. You sigh with a smile, as you feel bad for him as he seems so unease.
You lean to kiss his cheek, and he turns his head to look at you, getting out of his dissociated state. “Huh?”
Your eyebrows go up as if to ask him what he meant, as you smile. 
“What was that for?”
“I think you needed it” You say as he rolls his eye amused, leaving the empty bucket away. He looks at you, the university mostly empty, since most of the people already passed their classes and did not attend further, like you. He surely was lucky to have you, if it weren’t for you he’d surely still miss Alys. He does miss her sometimes, but after a long talk with you, he realises that she is not that worth it. But feelings don’t go away that easily, but it is clearly not love 
“Huh. What I need is a divine illumination right now” He says looking at his clock. 14:37.
“You need to calm your anxiety” You state, taking his hand on yours, and smiling at him. “Look at me.” He sighs, rolling his eyes, but he turns his body a bit to face you properly. “You know this. You read the whole books, and you knew all of it. You will nail this. There is no one here who knows the answer as you do.”
“You are far too kind” He says, his lips slightly curving. “And too good for my ego” he adds.
“Idiot. You see, you’ll end up like the assistants of the professor.”
“ I wish” he says dramatically. “The blonde one passed the exam with a hundred. Maybe she was asked about the panopticon. I swear it is so easy, I made an essay about 1984 and the whole theory of it.” he murmurs, still grumpy as he crosses his arms. “You know, there is a theory that she fucked the professor for it.”
You love good gossip, and you raise your eyebrows as your smirk is very much amused.
“Oh, is that so?”
“I mean, probably comes from envy and misogyny” he adds, rolling his eyes. “But If you get asked the easiest question…”
“Maybe you should fuck the professor as well.” you tease as he laughs a bit, less tense as his whole body moves at the amusement. 
You look at him for a brief moment, as the thought lingers in your mind for a moment. You look at him, and a very bad idea forms in your mind. Bad, but… fruitful.
You look at him, he was still tense, but less than before. His right left bounced slightly, and you looked at how huge his thigh looked against yours, even sitting on the same bench. 
You knew Aemond went to the gym almost daily, and he was very much into it, it was just his (other) way to relieve stress. He always talked about it, and you remember the occasion at Jacaerys’ sevenmas party when he and Jason Lannister had the brilliant idea to compete about who could do more pull ups without dying.
You have to press your thighs together at the memory of it. He was sweaty, and you remembered him gruting, and exhaling profoundly as he kept going. Because if Aemond was one thing, it was competitive. 
And he was more than willing to keep going with anyone who dared to challenge him. He went round after round, and you were like his personal spotter as he tried to win everyone. Sure, after going on several rounds with different people he had to back away.
You remember you and him laying on the couch as he expressed his body and arms burning from the sting. Back then, it wasn’t as arousing as it is now.
“I have just the right idea to help you” you say looking at him, as you already feel aroused. God, he was unaware of the lustful feelings he provoked in you.
“Oh gods.” Aemond says, turning to look at you. “How long will this bad idea take? I have like hour and a half”
 “It depends. Not much, I think. Well, this time, at least” You say with a giggle, and he looks at you puzzled. And you lean slightly closer. “I think you’ll like it”
Aemond blinks, as he is not sure what this idea entails.
“you have such bad ideas” he groans and you slap his arm as you chuckle.
“Hey! I have great ideas” 
“The last idea you had to help me was… were two actually. The first one being setting me up with Floris Baratheon and you with Cregan to use sex to destress”
“And? Did it go wrong??” You say.
“Your idea, yes. My idea, no. Which I remind you, was us sleeping together. Because it was my idea and I want the credit” he says smirking smugly. 
“But it was thanks to my idea”
“And the second one” he ignores your weak attempt to recover credit. “Were you cockwarming me as I read Foucault” he states amused. 
“Foucault would have loved that idea.” You say crossing your arms.
“it was a bad idea, admit it” he says amused looking at you. 
“Oh, so you aren’t in for cockwarming?” 
“No, I didn't say that” he says amused at how you turn the table on him. “I meant studying while you look so delightful, and your pussy warms my cock” he whispers slowly to you with a smirk “and you expect me to be okay with that and just read Foucault?” 
“Okay. But this one is good” you say smiling “Hear me out” 
Aemond rolls his eyes amused, but he sits back as he hears you, with an endearing smile as he does so. 
“You and I could… you know, we could relieve stress again” 
Aemond blinks slightly put off, and he looks at you.
“Like right now?”
“When else you’d be this stressed?” You ask as if he was stupid.
“Well, apologies for being rational and full of moments of stress” Aemond says “Besides, there are no places…”
“The bathroom, an empty class-”
“No places” He insists again, as if turning away your proposal. “And they’ll kick us out. And reading those books will be worthless.”
“They practically sucked your family dick for you to get in, Aemond. They won’t kick you out. Aegon probably did it…”
“Don’t compare us to Aegon-” 
“And he is still here, after changing like three times his career and failing all the classes.” you add nodding.
“I am not the one who won’t enter anywhere else”
“HEY!” you say slapping his arm as he laughs, and he passes an arm in your waist to scoop you closer as you cross your arms and look away in pride. “and the fool just wants to help you”
Aemond chuckles, as his face kisses your cheek, but you still look away, stubbornly. 
“I am joking, love” Aemond says softly, and he leans to kiss you neck softly. “We could do that”
“No, now I don’t want to” 
“You are being a brat…” he says mockingly, still smiling, and his arm around you keeps you pressed against him, as his hand rubs slightly your waist. “Come on. Don’t you wanna help me destress? Don’t you want my cock in your pretty pussy?” He whispers in your ear, placing his left hand on your thigh.
Sincerely, fuck him, because you immediately turn to look at him, and he knows how to push your buttons. He looks at you with the corners of his lips slightly turned up, as he nods softly. 
He is a little shit, persuading you to follow him to the bathroom. It was merely an idea, you knew he’d make fun from it, but not after that, he would take it to heart. 
You walk across the campus, almost empty from people that simply finished their courses or they were in class right now. And he holds your hand firmly as you head to the bathroom.
On campus, there were multiple bathrooms, but only one gender neutral bathroom. You two used to joke that this is were one came to fuck or get high. And no one really used them, as weird as it was. They weren’t always functional, and the doors tend to get stuck. But the mayor plus, is that they weren’t really dirty, nor people would come in.
Aemond leaves his backpack on the hanger inside the cubicle and you frown slightly. He didn’t bring his usual leather bag, and you point it out.
“I will go to the gym after this. I have my towel and my clothes” He explains softly, closing the door behind you and you hand your little purse too. It wasn’t small, but it wasn’t as luxurious to have a bed.
“Okay. How do we…” you move your hands trying to see how the fuck you’ll do it. “I mean, I didn’t think how…”
“I don’t think anyone thinks before having sex, darling.” He says looking at the clean bathroom, it was better than anything. The floor was clean, and Aemond could see their reflections on the black shiny tiles. “Hm.” Aemond says, looking at you. “I have a few ideas…”
“You are still tense” you say looking at how his shoulder tense up. You move your hands to caress his shoulders, and look at him “Don’t be”
“It’s like telling a sad person just not to be”
You roll your eyes, and shake your head with annoyance. “Shut up.” 
You two remain silent, as if thinking how. You had a toilet, a sink and lots of hope. 
“It feels like… too dirty” you look up to him.
“Yes.” He agrees, as you two look at eachother. “We certainly don’t have to. I’ll be fine, you know. I appreciate…”
“No” you cut him immediately. “I’ll do it.” You insist, shaking your head at his proposals. “You look… honestly, terrible”
“Ah, thanks for the support” he says rolling his eyes as he crosses his arms. 
“It’s hot” you insist, as you grab his forehand to uncross his arms. You move his arms to place them around your waist, as you walk closer to him, looking up to him. “Seeing you all stressed and tense…” 
Aemond arches his left eyebrow, as his hand finds its way to your waist, holding you. He had no idea how you could lust him as you spoke how emaciated he was, but it was working.  
He smelled like coffee and cigarettes, and you smiled at him. Your hands caressed his chest, his pectorals were something else, as he looked at you, intrigued.
“I have to do something about it” you insist, looking up to him, your hands caressing his abdomen softly. “So… tell me what to do”
Aemond looks at you. His cock was already stirring, he could feel how he was growing on his pants, hard and needy. It is a slow torture, to be sure.
“Surprise me..” he says without really thinking. 
“No..” you shake your head. “You are very stressed, and it is a very important moment for you. You need to… relieve that stress. And I… allow you to use my body how you see fit. However you see fit. ” 
Aemond blinks, a bit baffled by such a proposal. Sure, the bathrooms weren't the ideal place for this, but his cock didn't think the same now, not when you were willing to please his tastes completely, and let him use your body to his liking. 
You move your hands to unbelt his pants, slowly as his hand loosen its grip on your waist, and look at your face as you seem so eager to see once again his cock.  
“Are you hard?” You ask softly, a rhetorical question as you feel his cock against his underwear, and you look up to him as you palm him a bit.
“Yeah” he murmurs, his voice like a grunt. 
“Want me to suck your dick?” 
Aemond takes a deep breath, as the corners of his mouth seem to go slightly up. He is getting annoyed at your teasing, but not the bad type of annoyed. The type of annoyed when you “behave like a brat” as he puts it, and he enjoys keeping you in line.
Whenever you insist on skipping class, he has to keep a close eye on you. If you insist on trying to get with someone which is no good for you, he has to keep you by his side. When you want to do something reckless, he stops you, a hand steady on your waist. 
“You know the answer” he says softly.
“Yes” your smile is cheeky as you move your shoulders “so?” 
Aemond sighs, his hands rubbing your arms and shoulder. “Yes. I want you to suck my dick” he says simply, and you smile a bit. “But I am sure you want to have my cock as well. Badly” he adds. 
You smile at him, and nod, feigning innocence.
“Then kneel”
“Floor is dirty” you remind him with a smirk. “Not the best-”
“Kneel on my feet.” he does not hesitate. “Won’t be dirty at all. You like being at my feet, don’t you?”
Your cheeks slightly burn from the remark. You look at him, and he looks nothing but smug.  You sometimes really hate him.
His boots are perfectly clean, you can picture him cleaning every little detail of his outfit so he looks presentable and even more perfect for his exam. It is both endearing and hot.
Your knees go to rest on his shoes. A bit uncomfortable, a bit too close. Forced proximity to his crotch, as he pulled his boxers down. 
You look up to him as your mouth salivates at the sight, his cock fat, big and swollen, getting harder by the second. It hits his own abdomen, tall and proud. 
You accommodate a bit your knees on his shoes, making sure it doesn’t hurt him for you to place your weight on his feet. Yet he doesn’t seem even fazed by that.
“Go on” he murmurs, moving some hairs out of your face, as he leans for his back to rest against the cold ceramic wall. He looks at you, his arousal growing as you press your lips to the base of his cock to kiss it, and you basically are taking your time for it, his face pressed against his cock as you leave little kisses on his base, going all up to his tip.
The weight of your knees on his feet is slightly uncomfortable, but he is too aroused, that it only fuels his lust for you. 
“We don’t have all the time” he murmurs, taking your hair to guide you.
“You don’t rush art-”
“Come on” he grunts as his fist is more tight to your hair. “You said I could use you as I wish. So shut up and take it” 
God damn you if it didn’t turn you on.
His grip on your hair was firm, as his other hand went to rest at the top of your neck, holding your jaw. You are forced to have his dick on your mouth and the plus was that you could see his face perfectly.
At first, he lets you accommodate his cock on your mouth. He holds you, as if guiding you to it. You don’t have to do anything but be pretty, and open your mouth. And of course, taking his massive cock on your throat. 
You look at him with glossy eyes as he has his way in your throat, gently, holding you softly and soothing you, making you more receptive to all. 
“Shhhh, there, you are doing so good” His soothing voice comes in a low voice, as he has that pleased expression on his face, biting his lower lip as you swallow more and more of his cock. “So pretty”
It comes as a praise, as his hand gently caresses softly your throat as you take him well , making you maintain your head tilted up so his cock can slide perfectly down your throat, little by little, forcing you to keep it wide and open all for him.  
He lets a low groan, his grip hesitates, between becoming more firm or looser. He guides your  movements as you take him deeper. His cheeks are slightly red, his own mouth is open, panting to suppress the moans and grunts; his brows furrowed in pleasure as his eye is transfixed by the sight of you; his cock disappearing into your mouth, your lips wrapping around his mouth. 
“Fuck…” He barely can form the sentence, more like a pant, and he still tries to be quiet, his hips start thrusting in your mouth, keeping your head still for him to use however he pleases. However he wants. Utterly at his mercy.
Once his cock hits the back of your throat, he starts bucking his hips up roughly. He holds your head, a tight and firm grip as he pumps his dick in and out. 
“So hot” He breathes out, “Taking my dick like this” He says, as if the mere thought aroused him more. 
You gurgle on his cock, the head of it hitting your throat, and you try to remain quiet. The gagging sounds are nothing but obscene, and they resonate in the bathroom halls. 
You look up to him, and you let him use you. Even if you can’t breathe, even if your throat will be sore- gods, even if they catch you. Why? Easy.
Aemond seems more relaxed. He seems at ease, as his chest rises and falls as he pants, his face in a contorned expression full of pleasure, as his hand presses against your throat; the other still on your hair. He grips slightly your throat and can even feel the small bulge his cock makes on its way down. 
And you’d give anything to always see him this at ease. He is not relaxed; by nature. He tends to obsess, he tends to think and rethink things. He is hardly a person who goes by hedonistic ways, that enjoys leisure. 
But this? You might always be on your knees, fully open and available for him. And you have the faintest impression that you both know it. 
“Fuck” He pants again, trying to keep his voice no louder than a mer murmur. “You feel me here? I’m all the way down, baby” He says, his hand gripping at the end of your jaw and beginning of your throat. He stops his thrust, and you swallow a bit, squeezing him. He moans, shamelessly. 
You look up to him, and nod softly; as you can do so. He smirks and nods, his lips open as the hand on your hair moves to move some hairs out of your forehead.
“It does… It does help” He says, grinning a bit, out of breath. “I don’t want to… cum, but neither to pull away.”
Your hands move to his thighs, and you look up to him. He loves the sight of you. You begged for him to use you, and that thought drives him feral insane. 
“I’ll fuck you” He says as he pulls out, and he leans to take you by your armpits to keep you on foot. He moves your long skirt all the way up, and his smirk lets you know that he has no plans of stopping. 
“Yeah, yeah” You say without breath.
“I was not asking” he says as he grabs you, and he presses your back against the door, moving his hips closer, so you don’t have another option but to wrap your legs around his waist.
As his hands move to try to move your panties to the side, you look at him, and almost in a moment of clarity you murmur. 
“Against the door is a bad idea, it will creak” You complain, but Aemond roll his eye at annoyance.
“Shut up” he murmurs “You say that I could use you, so you don’t get a say in this. If I want to fuck you like this, you’ll take it”
You blink, and he looks up to face you. He is so enjoying this, his grin is smug, and his eyebrows are slightly frowning as if asking you to defy him.
“Yes, sir” You murmur, slightly playfully, and slightly not playfully.
He hums, and nods. He is pleased with your answer. 
“Soaked wet” he smirks as his fingers trace your panties. “It could be freezing cold, and you’ll still use these damn skirts, hm?”
“Always in hopes you’ll bend me over” You say softly, and he chuckles a bit. He moves to kiss your lips, as his fingers move your panties to the side, and moves his fingers slowly inside. 
His scent is driving you more feral, cigarettes and coffee, he is pested on it. Maybe he had like three coffees to keep himself up, and cigarettes to calm himself down. His perfume is strong, and you knew he liked to have those masculine scents, but the ones who smelt good, and you loved his perfume. 
He pushes his fingers in and out, and you gasp on his mouth, your hips trying to move as he keeps you pressed against the door. It is utterly naughty, you know it.
“You ruined me” he murmurs against your neck, placing kisses there. “When I’ll be answering that question, that I studied so hard for… I’ll be imagining you sucking my dick.”
You whimper slightly, feeling full of him. Being full of him, of his fingers. He fucks you, preparing you for his cock.
“I missed this pretty pussy, this tiny hole of yours.” He says, his other hand wrapping around your waist to keep you still, and helping you not fall. “So wet for me. Are you always wet when you are around me? Wearing your most provocative outfits for me?”
“Yes” You admit as you blush a bit. He reads you like an open book.
“Fool of me to ask that. In my eyes, all your outfits are provocative. All your outfits make me wanna stuff you on my cock, and have you crying of pleasure” He murmurs against your neck, and he decides that a hickey will decorate your neck just fine. 
You whimper, squeezing his fingers as his hot mouth sucks against the skin of your neck, and you squirm slightly on his arms. You drive him insane, and after a while he is satisfied, moving away to inspect his art.
“I’m gonna fuck you so hard” He says, breathless as his thumb move over then hickey. 
His promises are never empty, as you feel his cock entering your cunt in a swift motion. It is not your first time taking him, but every time feels better than the last. 
You squirm trying to get in a better position against the door, but he keeps you still in the position he wants. You wrap an arm around his neck for better stability, as his hips start to buck against you, using his grip on your waist to move you up and down on his cock. 
Gods, he is so strong, you know it. He is holding all your weight as he fucks you, each thrust, your back hits the door, making it creak and grate, every thrust hitting it softly. It is so obscene, yet it arouses you more. His strong arms around you, his muscles against your body. It arouses you more than it should, feeling your body against his firm chest, as he fucks you.
His head moves back to your neck, to the other side, barely over your clavicle to make another hickey. He is full hands-on, hitting your ass softly as he uses you, as his cock pounds your cunt over and over. 
“You like when I use you? When I fuck you how I want?” 
“Yeah, yeah, I love it…” You whimper as you feel the little kiss he leaves over your hickey. 
“You love it, I know, baby” He says, his other arm going to your waist, now wrapped up and holding you close against his chest, moving you up and down on his cock.
You mewl at the change of position, you don’t care how much your shoulders accidentally hit the door, you just want for him to…
It hits you like a cold bucket of water.
“We are not using a condom” you murmur, and his thrusts stop a bit, his head looking up to face you. He didn’t realise the fact either.
You two blink at each other, and he waits for you to continue. 
“You should cum inside and we’ll try our luck” you say softly, and his hands grip on your waist tighter.
“Fuck yes…” He breathes out, the thought drives insane, and by how he is fucking you harder, you know it.
You lean softly, your breasts against his neck as you lean your head closer to his ear. “You’ll give that exam while I am leaking your cum” 
Up and down, he moves you, the filthy sound of your ass against his flesh, and he moans, more desperate to cum. Your cunt squeezes a bit, his cock is sliding against your walls in a delicious way, and you are becoming too overwhelmed by the size of him too, how the head manages to grind your sweet spot and how he is grunting against your ear.
His thumb rubs back and forth against your clit. Your jaw drops, as you feel yourself cumming from how much he is doing to you, how he magically knows all secrets to make you melt on his cock. It is almost as magical as you know his secrets too.
You milking his cock has to be one of his favourite newfound discoveries. Maybe his new favourite hobby. Your cunt squeezing his cock, as if making sure his balls go empty, releasing himself in you with such determination, that maybe it’ll get you pregnant. And that thought, to his horny head, does not bother him. 
He holds you still, impaled on his cock as he cums inside you, nuzzling his head on the curve of your neck to drunk himself on your scent. It calms him, to be sure. And he loves it. Familiar, sweet and cosy. As if it was home for him.
You two share lazy kisses, as he has no problem holding you still. You smile, your hands resting against his strong shoulders, and he eventually pulls out and leaves you safely on your foot again. 
“I have another idea” You say smiling to him.
“Gotta give it to you, this idea wasn’t bad. So I am hearing you out” He says as he takes a small towel from his bag, wiping some of the sweat on his neck and you smirk mischievously.
Your hand goes to your panties, taking them out and presenting them to him. They are still soaked wet, and you smile proudly at your idea.
“What?” He asks frowning, but slightly amused.
“Like a lucky charm” 
He looks at you in disbelief before he starts laughing a bit. 
“What?” It is your turn to ask him.
“That is such a… silly idea” 
“Think about it! You can keep it with you when you answer the questions.”
“Darling, that is… Your bad ideas made a comeback, eh?” He teases you, saving the towel on his bag and you take the opportunity to hit his chest again.
“Fine.” You say “Don’t take them”
“I didn’t say I was not gonna take them as my lucky charm. I just said it was silly” he says, taking your panties from your hands, and putting them in his pocket. 
“Pervert” you murmur amused, turning around to unlock the door of the bathroom, which he totally uses to slap your ass, in which you whine “Aemond!”
You two get out as quickly as you can, no one seems at sight. You look at yourself in the mirror and scrunch your face at seeing your state.
“Look at what you-” you start but you both turn to look at the person who just walked in.
As they move to take some of the toilet paper, with a stuffy nose, Aemond moves closer to you, clearing his throat a bit awkwardly as you feel them side-eye you both. No words were spoken, but it was awkward. 
Once they go away, you and Aemond share a look.
“Pff, that was close” You try to break the tension.
“It wasn’t close. You look absolutely fucked.” His hand moves to comb your hair, as some crazy locks were out of place. He? Looked divine and perfect as always. “And the hickeys don’t help your case”
“How am I supposed to go out with those things in my neck? Gods” you say, a hand rubbing the hickey as if they would disappear with that. “And I have to buy the pill-”
“Yeah” he says, pressing his lips together as he tries to suppress a smile. “Well, to be fair it was your idea.”
“I totally forced you to it” You roll your eyes as you two walk out of the bathroom and back to the waiting hall.
“Hm” He says amused. “I am innocent”
You both wait seated, with other of his classmates around. He does not engage, he is obviously tense and anxious, but at the same time, it is not eating him alive as before. 
You feel proud of that. He was an anxious mess, and thanks to you he was well fed and got to release all his worries on you, and your cunt. And for that, you smile. 
You can see Cregan wandering around with Jace, and you don’t care about him anymore. Sure, he was still hot as hell, but with Aemond near, you just lean your head on his shoulder and he rubs his nervous hand on your waist.
“Aemond Targaryen” His name is called out, and you stand along with him, taking his hand along yours. 
Before he goes in, with his other two classmates, you stop him, to kiss him sweetly. Your hands cup his face, and you have to be on your tiptoes to reach his lips properly. 
“They’ll ask you about Foucault” You murmur on his lips, as he looks at you, nervous but dumbfounded. “And you’ll nail this” 
That reassurance makes him smile, leaving a small peck on your lips before going in. Being asked about the Panopticon, being the top of his class and being assistant seem second hand worries as he knows that you’ll be waiting for him once he comes out from the exam. You’ll always be his lucky charm. 
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fishsticksloser · 2 days
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Since I'm suffering from mother nature RN I'd like to request Casey jr with a reader on their period and he doesn't really know what to do so he calls Donnie all panicked bc he thought you were dieing or something lol
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Not me btw
Periods
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Rottmnt x fem!reader
Warnings: periods, blood, cramps, Casey panicking, short ish
A/N: I had a few other asks with the others so... All of them it is.
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Donnie
He has a calendar to keep track
He nonchalantly reminds you when its coming or its late
He's always running the numbers to make sure you're still on track
He has so many things for you
Donnie has a fridge and snack drawer in his lab and bedroom
Compression headbands
Installing a heating pad in Shelldon
Whatever you need
Leo
Also keeping track
But his is more based on how you feel than calculations
Sometimes ovulation is longer
Sometimes it's really short
It's just varies from person to person and Leo has it down
He's the medic
So of course he's got painkillers
Heating pads
Snacks
Whatever you could possibly need
And if he doesn't have it?
He's running to get it
Mikey
Makes whatever you want
Rests his head on your stomach and churrs
He dotes on you
Giving you kisses and cuddles
Whatever you're in the mood for this boy will get it
Raph
Worries
Are they painful?
When will it come?
He doesn't keep track cause he feels like it's invading your privacy
But he'll build you a nest, that helps with his season so...
Maybe it'll help you?
Lays his head in your stomach
Always checking in
Always looking at you with those big ol eyes
Casey
You're bleeding
He's panicking
He's never known anyone to be so nonchalant about bleeding
Even sensei held his wound and showed signs of pain
But you just went to the bathroom and just sit back down with him
He called Leo to ask
Since he's the medic he should know, right?
When Leo explained what a menstrual cycle is Casey was even more panicked
Why does the body do that?
You're in pain and acting like it's nothing??
He helps in any way he can
He's so much more affectionate
Wanting to soothe your pain
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zoeyuniverse · 10 hours
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🎀GRUMPY🎀
Part 1 : first meeting
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Unconn campus, women's final years building 7:05 p.m.
-Are u sure u'll be all right? Maybe it's not a good idea to stay!
The brunette looks up with a sigh, her boyfriend starting to annoy her.
- Eddy, Brie's with me and it's just girls, it'll be okay. I've got a match tomorrow, so I know I have to be careful. We'll stay just long enough to get to know each other!
He resigned himself and kissed his girlfriend before leaving his new university room.
Suzy, or rather Susan Meredith de Ponthieu has just started university. She's only 18, but she's already won several tennis tournaments and has been named "Young tennis hopefuls" three years in a row.
But her life has changed radically in the last two years, not least because of bad company. That's why she's counting on her years at university to regain her parents' trust and get her career back on track.
Things were off to a good start until the university's accommodation fell into disrepair and the school was forced to relocate its students. While waiting for the renovations to be completed, the students found themselves scattered across the campuses of neighbouring universities. In the case of Susan and her best friend Brie, they find themselves at Uconn with the senior class.
And if Edward seems so worried, it's because he's caught wind of the little party the basketball players threw to welcome their new roommate.
The latter, a medical student, looks a lot like his in-laws. For him, parties are a no-no, and he always imagines his girlfriend in the worst possible state from drinking or taking drugs. Like his father-in-law, he believes that Susan should devote herself to her career and nothing else. Especially after the bad times she's been through the last two years.
The young student and her best friend didn't see it that way. Of course their studies are important - after all, they've done everything they can to get into this university - but they also want to have fun. What's more, there are only four of them from their university coming to this new hall of residence where they don't know anyone, so it's vital that they make new friends!
The evening had just begun and the four young students found themselves in the middle of the senior class.
212 by Azealia Banks echoed through each room as Susan awkwardly shimmied to relax her friend.
- Suzy, stop it - she laughs - we're here to make friends, not freak everyone out!
The brunette's only response was a tap on the shoulder.
After a tour of the common rooms, Susan followed Brie into an animated conversation with one of the residents. A tall, light-skinned brunette with a strong character. Nika something, Susan never remembers names.
Tired of their mundane conversation and feeling out of place, she went into the kitchen alone.
On the central island were a thousand packets of crisps, half-used jars of sauce and several bottles. Our girl went looking for a glass, but as all the cupboards seemed empty, she grabbed one that was lying around. She emptied the bottom into the sink and filled it with the drink of her choice.
- It's like... completely my glass says a voice that has just entered the room.
- Is that ? I don't see your name anywhere, Susan replies, turning around.
She finds herself face to face with a pale-eyed blonde whose height makes her uncomfortable, but she takes care not to show it.
- That's my spit, right there on the edge.
- Not anymore she says, finishing her drink.
The blonde laughs.
- You're a fan, aren't you?
- A fan? A fan of what?
- Um... of me!
Susan bursts out laughing.
- I know who you are, Paige Bueckers, but just because 13-year-olds make tiktoks about you doesn't mean everyone dreams of drinking from your glass!
- Oh, because you're over 13? the basketball player replies with a grin.
- You think you're funny? Does being 21 give you wings?
- Maybe, darling...
Susan leans against the kitchen island while Paige locks eyes with hers.
- My boyfriend wouldn't be happy to hear me called like that by anyone but him.
- I don't know your name, darling.
- Susan
It's the blonde's turn to burst out laughing.
- Like in Narnia? she exclaims.
- AH. AH. AH.
There's a pause, during which the youngest remains with her arms crossed and a stern expression on her face, while the eldest does her best to suppress her laughter.
- So, Grumpy's got a boyfriend? she replies.
- Yes, she does.
- I don't mind, you know.
- No, sorry, we don't do threesomes
- Who said I was interested in your boyfriend Grumpy?
Susan remained silent as her brain tried to process the information.
- Suzy? SUZY?
Finally, Brie's voice came to her rescue and she threw herself into the living room to join her.
- We should go to bed, Suzy.
- Yes.
---------------------------------------------------
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okay, this is just the beginning. Remember, I'm French, my English is not perfect! If you would like to give me advice, please do so kindly 🫶🏻🎀
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If you can, can you do medic with a s/o who is a werewolf and shows signs of it and tries to hide it? ty :3
Medic TF2 With a S/O who’s a werewolf
Warning: german “person”
Medic:
- What do you think he is? stupid? Medic knows something is wrong. He always does. Sickness never hides from him. Whether this be out of desperation to keep his job or genuine passion is ultimately up for debate. But nonetheless he keeps you alive, and he makes sure to angrily assert the fact that you’d rather have it stay that way.
- What are you hiding?! Surely it can’t be that embarrassing. If you die from an untreatable disease he can just revive you with his kritz medigun. An STD maybe? for some reason he assumes that’s what it is and why you won’t tell him. You feel like banging your head on the wall when he asks you that multiple times.
- Whenever he calls you a good boy/girl/baby you perk up and look at him with big beady eyes. He’s overall quite in awe how much you fit the “my partner is a Labrador” stereotype. Are you into petplay or some shit??? Don’t ask why horny thoughts crossed his mind. He doesn’t know either. Stop chewing on the end of his lab coat. He JUST had that tailored. NO HE WONT THROW HIS FUCKING UBERSAW FOR YOU???!!!
- Begins to grow concerned after there are random bouts of hair in his lab. Usually it’s only white feathers he finds. He runs the hairs through his microscope to check the patterns. That’s weird.. this is dog hair. It’s around the season that certain breeds begin to shed. He takes his eye away and puts his head in his hand. Did scout bring in a dog or some shit and refuses to show the others?
- You begin to grow anxious. He’s insisting on checking the hairs on your head.. Somehow you work your way around it.
- Medic keeps hearing howling every month and it’s left him wide awake. Because he knows full well that grey wolves aren’t native to new mexico, and he KNOWS what a coyote sounds like. Thats not a coyote. The poor doctor is staring at the ceiling all night and getting little sleep because of this. He’s not too worried about the possibility of being mentally insane (Because he believes he already is) but this is truly getting concerning at this rate. I mean come on. Grey wolves in the fucking desert? It must be a stray wolfdog that someone left out.
- Stares blankly at the large claw marks on the base walls for an uncomfortable amount of time… Maybe a bit of contemplating the smashed door too.
- Medic overall wouldn’t be too shocked to find out. If anything he’d be simply marveled, amazed and run intrusive studies on you. Properly diagnoses you with lycanthropy probably and offers to create a cure if you really want it gone. Now he’s going to (lovingly) make fun of you for this forever and ever. You’re honestly the least insane thing to happen to the mercs. Shit like this happens every halloween.
- Speaking of halloween, it’s quite fascinating that you maintain your form during this time for an elongated period just until scream fortress ends. Medic isn’t too thrilled about this however.. it’s going to take some time to get used to the fact he’s kissing a giant wolf.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 months
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I would love to hear your experience in the tags :-]
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citrinide · 2 days
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Otherkin posts save me save me otherkin posts,, (<- He is having. A night.)
#cecil.fm#90% of them are animal based which is neat and I'm partially an otterboy but#im. like if you shoved that otterboy in a computer.#otherkin posts of my variety are so rare i just want to look at stuff i can relate to and be a silly little non-human y'know?#lying face down on the floor#huh i dont remember using that tag before but apparently i have? thats just what i do now huh#anyway otherkin based dysphoria sucks. apparently my transition goals 'arent medically/technologically possible'#so im stuck with the synthetic-fleshsona as my visual goal.#i get called a human and just. slow blink like oh. yeah. right. that's what. this. thing. is called. huh. (<- visible robot confusion)#i wonder if there's stuff to alleviate this kind of dysohoria like there is for therians. i know im looking at otter stuff to help with the#tiny bit i get from that but shrug not sure on the other half#not going to talk about how those would be easier to aleviate than the base gender dysphoria why is everything so expensive or inaccessible#looking for binders scares me not like i could even get one in my living situation. or a packer. as nice as that'd be.#oh but random animal ears and tails and stuff? yeah that's a safe purchase i can pass off with just cosplay stuff. at the very least. i have#the cosplayer excuse... only way ive been able to gender affirming stuff thus far anyway :')#i guess the cardboard core mask i made is nice in that regard too though. uh definitely not mine but maybe i can use the wheatley one as a#guide for one of myself. that took a lot of cardboard but i can probably scavenge for more boxes to harvest from (sorry cats :[)#anyway. 25% otter 75% robot 100% a silly guy <3
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AHA
I am not going crazy. Having excess beta brainwaves IS correlated to ADHD symptoms (in children and adolescents), specifically metacognition issues, inattention, and irritability:
#This is one study; but it’s interesting that usually the stereotype is having high theta; but that hasn’t really been proven#because correlation ≠ causation#which doesn’t mean much for the beta thing either but STILL#They were looking mainly for high theta and found a lot of diagnosed ADHD kids with high beta and no ODD#I want my brain readings. I want my brain readings n o w#Two more days. I bet they’re gonna say I don’t have ADHD because of the high beta#I bet they’re gonna say I just have anxiety#Again EEG isn’t alone a proven method to diagnose ADHD but I took a written diagnostic too#so maybe this is just to determine what medications will work???? idk I definitely passed the personal history test lmfaoo#But I have a bad feeling I’m gonna get shrugged off#because when they were asking me questions I felt like they were cutting my answers short a little#but that could be because I was infodumping#But yeah my beta power with eyes open is 5.70 and the normal range (if I’m reading it correctly) is 3.65–0#Beta is supposed to be related to focus so maybe it’s possible that some ADHD people are TOO focused on too many things at once#which leads to focus issues VS some have “sleepy brains” with high theta which can’t focus on anything???#idk#ehehehehe feed me scientific studies and numbers#yummy#Yeah it’s not that my brain “runs slowly and is spaced-out” it’s that I can’t get it to stop accelerating and latching onto everything#and in order to do one thing I have to rip the suction-cupped tentacles of my brain off five different things before I can focus#which LEADS to anxiety because I can’t always peel myself away from everything else so I’m just stuck there#like a statue#trying in vain to break out from the inside#hence the anxiety
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kkujo · 6 months
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also idk i feel so fucking good abt myself idk genuinely being consistent with my gym routine has done everything for my mental health and confidence like i still feel bad abt myself sometimes but for the first time since i was probably 9 i'm having days where i look in the mirror and thinking DAMN i look good and those days are getting more frequent it's really the best feeling
#and it's not just the weight loss like. being overweight was such a struggle for me esp bc i've had issues w eds and stuff and.#idk it made me miserable. and i wasn't the healthiest bc i'd gained a lot due to pcos and my periods were irregular etc like it wasn't good#and now i'm medicated and fuck man my period is regular now and my weight is more normal and i just feel like. good abt that#bc i spent so long being unable to lose bc of my hormones and it was so disheartening bc i was doing everything 'right'#i feel a little bad talking abt it bc ik it's a sensitive topic and i have had issues w eds i obv don't think weighing less makes u healthy#etc etc. for me it was the healthy thing to lose what i've lost so i'm proud of that and i did all of that mostly without relapsing#over 2 years and i've had like. maybe a month of relapse total over that time and each time i've come out of it after a week or two#so i'm definitely stronger mentally etc BUT. my point is. the confidence hasn't come from trying to be smaller#and now i'm actively trying to build muscle and for the first time ever my confidence comes from looking BIGGER bc i want muscle growth etc#the confidence truly comes from within and when i was overweight i started to give myself that confidence#by starting to wear cute clothes and stop hiding my body#it is so true that losing weight won't make you like yourself or your body.#like. you can lose weight if you want but you HAVE to respect yourself first. i lost a lot of weight unhealthily in 2019 and regained it#& bc i did it out of self hatred i NEVER felt better abt myself when i got smaller. you rlly have to be able to love yourself as you are rn#it's cliche but very very true#anyway i don't rlly talk abt this stuff on here bc ik it's a sensitive topic but!!!#i really would recommend weightlifting and strength training if you wanna feel more confident#ik it won't work for everyone but for me it's genuinely transformed the way i see myself.#i no longer try to force myself to be as small as possible. and for me that's everything yk#ALSO LIKE. THE MENTAL HEALTH ASPECTS. just having the routine and getting exercise and getting out every day rlly helps too#i really would recommend it i've never felt better or more confident abt myself#the only thing is unfortunately and it's a very real problem but gym/gym bro culture often leans v close to e/d culture#it really sucks bc a lot of gym folks genuinely do love it and are very healthy with it#but the chicken and rice gym bro types are pretty rampant too and there's a LOT of dysmorphia and such in the community#so i kind of avoid gym bro circles for that reason bc i do think a lot of people take it too far and are very mentally unhealthy with it#but weightlifting/going gym in itself isn't the problem and if you're eating properly & taking care of yourself it's not gonna be like that#it's just knowing the types of ppl to avoid bc a lot of the mindset is pretty toxic 😭😭 but there are def a lot of ppl who do it healthily#like. i understand why people do it but i'm kind of against bulking/cutting at least for myself#bc for me it's not abt looking as strong as possible it's abt being fit and healthy physically & mentally if i look buff asf that's a bonus#but a lot of ppl take bulks/cuts too far & a lot of it is just regurgitated e/d shit unfortunately. just b careful who you interact with
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pyr0cue · 7 months
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Sorry but if any part of your opinion on transness includes a statement along the lines of “transmascs/men gain male privilege when they transition” I pretty much disregard all ur other opinions on the topic
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krawdad · 1 year
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I've had zero help from medical anything aside from being prescribed muscle relaxers and acupuncture
A massage therapy place we found on fucking google has been able to verify that this is extensive fucking overuse injury that is trapping nerves and has also been able to unstick some of my shit
My shoulders already hang more symmetrically and I have literally gotten taller
This is a tremendously encouraging development but I am so profoundly pissed that it took this long to just end up having to pay out of pocket for a random ass place we found online.
Especially since it turns out that the problem and solution that I presented to every single doctor I've seen since the beginning fucking years ago was exactly correct goddammit. And it's been slowly, excruciatingly getting worse and worse every single day in the meantime.
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terubakudan · 2 years
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The GazettE - アビス 「ABYSS」
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ettucamus · 2 years
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aggression against trans people is truly so exhausting like of course there are abrasive and loud trans people on the internet but for the most part. actual trans people are just trying to go about our days managing this very personal struggle while trying not to get hatecrimed. and so much of the discourse about being trans is so removed from what it’s like to be a trans person irl.
#th.txt#like for me personally being trans is more a medical condition than anything like sure i am trans in the same way i am adhd#dysphoria has largely been this pain in my ass for my entire life and i have actively done as much as possible to try to mitigate it#truly the only thing to help has been medical transition and that’s what i don’t get about transphobes#who are so into shaming people for transitioning like it’s truly just another medication for a condition#at this point idek what a gender is or how to go about interpreting my own feelings#i do know physical transition has alleviated my dysphoria and that’s the end of it#i truly am a gender abolitionist in the way that i wish my gender and sex just wasn’t even a topic to discuss ever#nonbinary for me is just a stand in for my feelings that gender is a nebulous social construct i do not support#idc if this is going to ruffle some feathers on many different sides but i am just so tired#i just want to exist and look the way i’d like to and not have people tell me i’m mutilating myself#or that i can think my way out of dysphoria because that’s just simply not happening#after 20 years and more of fighting against dysphoria i think by now it’s clear that it’s an immutable disorder#in the same way i take meds for other mental health struggles physical transition is the medication for dysphoria#maybe other people are stronger than me for being able to withstand the experience of dysphoria without transition#but i’m not one of them! and that’s okay!
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arthur-r · 2 years
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hi so this started as a life update and then turned into a major vent and i am very sorry so i am putting it under a cut. content warning for medical stuff and surgery and also college and also generally being upset
oh hey arthur update the medical issues i’ve been vaguing about for the past like week are officially not life threatening or anything and will be getting resolved in a surgery this tuesday. so recovering from that will be a super fun way to spend the last three weeks leading into my senior year, which i really badly overbooked with babysitting nearly every day and working my pizza job extra hours, both of which jobs are the kind where just calling in sick for one day causes actual problems for real people in ways that other jobs maybe wouldn’t. so i’m taking off both my jobs on the actual day of the surgery but otherwise i’m just. powering through it all
#starting on monday i’m taking on a whole other family to babysit on top of everything else!! wasn’t planning on a surgery in the midst#on the bright side maybe the money i make from the extra work will maybe possibly kinda sorta make a dent in the fees for all the#surgery and appointment costs even my fifteen minute visit at the cvs pharmacy cost a hundred freaking dollars#so umm let’s hope that the working i’ve been doing this summer amounts to a little more than just. not being in debt#also the family i babysit for hasn’t texted me back after i told them i had to schedule the surgery during a time i was supposed to be#babysitting. and i think they will understand but i feel terrible because they’re supposed to be able to count on me#and i also don’t want them to know i have a surgery because then they will ask me questions and i want my relationship with this family#to start and end with how i do puzzles with their kids. i don’t want to talk to them about scary personal stuff#plus what if they try to send me a care package or something they think i’m a cis girl named ari they wouldn’t know they have to be discreet#and i don’t want people irl to know about the surgery before it happens because then they’ll ask to see it and i don’t want them to see it#because at work i’ve been wearing a mask and nobody knows i’ve had a potentially cancerous growth for a freaking month#and anyway it’s not cancer or anything it’s just my stupid macrophages but i don’t want people to see it or talk to me about it until it’s#gone. in other news my older sister starts college on monday at the local community college that i will probably go to despite my efforts#so. no anxiety here tonight why in the world would i be terrified about anything right now what are you talking about how could there ever#(/s)#i sincerely hope everyone here is doing okay. i am sorry for kind of venting but i have been holding this stuff in a little bit too long#two people total outside from me and my family know what’s going on and i’m not looking to have any more irls find out#but i am bursting at the seams and a little bit terrified. not to mention the stupid college everything piling up on me right now it’s just#a little bit much. anyway the medical world is ridiculous and stupid and if i have to be on hold with one more surgeons office i will cry#and i’m just kind of here. i’ll put a thing at the top so that nobody has to read this. and trigger warnings and everything#and i really hope everyone is okay i am sorry for being a little too much right now#vent tw#medical tw#ask to tag#anyway i’m going to bed really soon i just. really really needed to yell about how much everything is. even if it’s going to get fixed#me. my post. mine.#delete later
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cest-la-venus · 2 years
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i still don't have the unrebloggable post thing lol
#disordered eating#weight loss mention#medical#with the warnings out of the way here's the real post#ive been having body image issues and Also health issues that may be tied to my weight#so in a moment of weakness a few weeks ago i decided to at least look at the n0/0m app to see what all the fuss was about#bc the marketing really did make it sound like it might be onto something#and i know enough about nutrition to know that everyone's healthiest way of eating can vary wildly#so like idk i gave it the benefit of the doubt. maybe its helping people do a modified version of intuitive eating or something#but nope!!! i wont go into details but it was SO HORRIBLY DISORDERED#i dont doubt that maybe there are some people with cores of steel who could engage w its framework in a healthy way#mostly bc the world is a vast tapestry and i cannot possibly understand everyone elses experiences#but like. MY FUCKING GOD WEIGHT LOSS CULTURE IS SO AWFUL#nothing about what i saw on that app would have supported my health lemme tell ya#(also disclaimer me claiming that maybe I would benefit to lose weight for health reasons is not me saying all fat people are unhealthy#or need to lose weight. nobody owes anyone health or thinness or whatever. i dont want to argue about what led me to this conclusion#and i am being extremely careful to prioritize my actual literal health over my weight#i dont have a goal weight i dont count calories i have a goal of manage xyz conditions using gentle lifestyle changes)#(this feels like a lot of disclaimers to say abt me talking about a very average healthcare choice but i feel the need to say it anyway#bc 1 fat activism is so fucking important and i am aware that my personal health choices are not apolitical#and 2 i am a weenie and i dont want my vent about an app that feels like garbage to me to upset anyone)#anyway. diet culture exists to force as many people as possible into very destructive eating patterns for the sake of The Profit#dont fall for it like i briefly did. worry about your health and let your body worry about how to handle your fat cells
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rose-n-gunses · 16 days
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when the post-yap clarity hits and I wind up lying on the floor begging god to smite me
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vanilla-voyeur · 4 months
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The thing about lying to "protect" my feelings is that if I catch you in the lie then it casts doubt on every nice thing you have ever said or will ever say to me. I know for a fact that the truth is so ugly that you thought I'd be too fragile to handle it, but I don't know what the truth is. So then I speculate all of the worst things a person could ever think about another person. The people who really make me feel safe are the ones who I can trust to be honest even if the truth isn't easy or pleasant.
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