#and mostly because i don't want to deal with this job market again

[lilmccoy]

If my local library or bookshop were to post full time positions, I'd apply in a heartbeat, do anything to get it. The library occasionally posts part time, which in one circumstance may work in a pinch, say, going back to school for a certificate. Which, seeing how my job is right now, may very well happen.

[my-mt-heart]

First of all, thank you for being always so insightful and open to discussion with anyone! You're one of the few I genuinely rely on when I need to talk and share ideas/doubts. I was thinking about the whole marketing discourse. Let's be clear, amc sucks at that, it did with all the spin-offs (which I only recently found out are more than 20???) and surprisingly with the three main ones as well because everything they did wasn't certainly enough compared to other networks. Amc has always done the bare minimum and every info about the richonne/negan&maggie spinoffs that reached me was mostly because of their fans. Yes they got promos and interviews (I think Dead City/Lauren&JDM even did more interviews than Andrew & Danai) but from my point of view their fandoms did most of the job. I don't even follow any of them but I used to have my twitter timeline full of their posts every single day, at any time. I remember they used to bomb any inch of their spaces with videos, speculations, headcanons, fanarts, endless convos and all that, which I think contributed to attract a lot of curiosity out of their fandom and it worked!!! I kept seeing so many tweets full of replies and theories and hype that I had to go on a mute spree because I couldn't take it anymore. Now my point is... why don't we do the same thing?? We as a fandom can do a lot to create hype and the target people (those who have stopped watching the show after negan showed up or so) would follow us because enthusiasm is what attracts the old fans who gave up. That's the real deal! We are!! TWD main accs would ultimately follow the flow, but we really... REALLY need to start it. Dead City next seasons (that'll air in 2025) is already being promoted and the fans are already talking about it, richonne fans are still being loud and lit like if their show were still on.... why can't we do the same? We constantly complain about Amc not being there for us but the first ones that should are... US. We need to be present and make noise and above all enthusiast!

You don't need to convince me that rallying works. Melissa wouldn't have had the option to come back if it weren't for all the noise her fans made. No one she worked with was offering her the support she deserved, so we had to do it.

With TBOC's promotion, it's a catch 22. Caryl definitely sells. Their fans can definitely build hype, and AMC can definitely save their money, but it's still their responsibility to release content that'll kick the target audience into high gear so that they stay motivated to post, speculate, make posters, and all the things, which would then reel in the Carylers who left at one point or another, which would then get the attention of the GA, and so on and so forth.

What they're doing instead is splintering what should be a reliable viewership. Norman's buzz words, reposts of fanart, and photos of Melissa/Carol just existing are hyping some of us while others are scratching their heads at why Carol is reduced to a subtitle, why the teasers are shipbaiting Daryl with a nun, and why two. fucking. years later we're still hearing about showrunners getting fired and Melissa being left out of S1 because she wasn't important enough. I would love to be enthusiastic enough to do the heavy-lifting, but if that's what's being asked of me, why do I need to get punched in the face first? How do I go about promoting a Daryl and Carol show if I can't even tell if that's what I'm really getting? Why aren't they leaning into what all Carylers love about their relationship? Why aren't they capitalizing on Caryl's/McReedus' chemistry? And if all of that is what half of Carylers who have stayed this long are feeling as well, the chances of getting lost Carylers to come back are slim, the GA/new viewers won't see the buzz, and supplementing with viewers who hate Cary/Carol won't work either because they aren't going to be in it for the long haul.

So again, if AMC wants my help, then I want them to motivate me. Tribeca will be...interesting? Because on one hand, the McReedus panel could be very reassuring, but 201 spoilers that will inevitably leak could be polarizing again depending on what Zabel and Nicotero did with it, and if that happens, well, I wish AMC luck trying to promote the rest of the season.

Thanks for reaching out. Sorry this probably isn't the answer you were looking for.

[cara-delaney-author]

Author brands 'n shit, I guess

So I somehow managed to lose a post I really wanted to reblog to an unexpected re-log. The post was about a Vox article talking about how the concept of a personal brand and a platform is poisoning artistic industries, particularly writing and music. So we're just doing a new post instead.

The article makes some really good points, especially about how now more than ever, authors (and musicians, but I write books so that's what we're mostly looking at) can't just do the thing that's in their job description. We have to do the marketing as well. And that is such a wild concept to me, who grew up convinced that I would one day land a publishing deal and be a famous author. I had this idea of how the traditional publishing industry worked, and for a long time, that idea was fairly accurate. Now?

If we now also have to do most of the marketing for our book to even stand a chance.

If advances are shrinking to the point where even successful authors are forced back into day jobs.

If print-on-demand means that nobody has to shell out thousands for a print run anymore without knowing that they'll even sell a fraction of the books.

What do we even need the traditional publishing industry for anymore?

Midlist books and authors are disappearing. The focus is on bestsellers, on "the next big thing", to the exclusion of almost everything else. That's not a sustainable plan. Sure, in theory, producing nothing but bestsellers would make you thrive. But you can't. You simply cannot guarantee that 100% of your books are going to be bestsellers. The vast majority are not. Even big pre-existing audiences don't guarantee that. Just look at these incredibly funny numbers provided by the New York Times, about celebrity books that "flopped". And I'm using that word loosely - tens of thousands of copies sold are GREAT, actually. But when you calculated your sales potential based on an audience of millions? It's nothing.

This really pokes a lot of holes into the idea that big platform = big sales, but here we are, being asked to flap our arms about and make silly voices in funny little TikToks to promote our work. When that should be the publisher's job. So, again - what are they even still good for, if you aren't coming to them already famous?

Though the article also comes with some questionable takes, albeit when it cites other writers. Specifically when it cites Defector writer Israel Daramola about music criticism, and how more and more professional outlets are closing or get incorporated into other publications. How this means that the ecosystem of criticism is shifting to "a loose collection of Youtubers and influencers", and how "This has all helped produce a mass of music fans who don’t understand the value of criticism and outright detest being told the things they like might suck." Which is just so baffling to me. Of course they don't like that! Do you?! If you think the point of criticism is to forcibly explain to people why the thing they enjoy is bad, actually, you really suck at criticism. Criticism is meant to give you an idea before you engage with something, of what the quality might be and whether or not you'll like it. It's not meant to make you go "oh, well, if this artist I love is bad, I should probably not listen to them". Stop doing that! Let people enjoy things, it doesn't matter if you, personally, think the thing in question is "objectively not good". People are allowed to enjoy "bad" things, for fuck's sake. This is the exact kind of elitism that drives people away from professional, thoughtful and educated critique.

I find this particular citation odd, because Daramola does make a point much more related to the subject of the article - that the reduction of music criticism to subsections and listicles is a symptom of a similar problem as "author brands" in the music sphere. If you don't already have a big platform, a successful brand, you won't find support. Budding artists struggle the same as budding authors, where the industry whose entire business model is built upon taking risks on new talent and building that talent up is now refusing to do that, and shifting all of that work onto the artists. This has very little to do with the audience, and everything to do with the business people calling the shots behind the scenes.

There is a whole lot wrong with my industry these days. Art gets more and more commodified. The content doesn't matter anymore as long as you, the author, can sell a lot of it. Once you have proven yourself, the publishing gods might decide that you're a guaranteed success, and deign to give you the kind of support they should have given you from the beginning. Only now, there is no risk for them anymore. That risk was all taken by you, the person with the most to lose.

One last time - if that's how traditional publishing works now, what is it even still good for?

And I haven't even gotten into how this entire system is also rigged heavily in favour of the (white, attractive) Anglosphere, while the platforms themselves have global reach. So the Anglosphere is actively sucking the air out of the room with its ever-growing cultural hegemony even on the level of individual artists. The article touches on this, too, though it brushes past that pretty quickly, and one of the linked articles in the section basically just says "if you're from a different culture, consider simply ignoring that and doing it the American way". Fabulous.

I don't have any quick, easy fixes for this problem. I don't think anybody has. But if you're a reader, if you're a music lover, maybe next time you're looking for something new, consider looking past the big hits. Ignore the huge platforms, and maybe go and find some indie artists to try. There's a lot of gold to be mined here, even if it's getting harder and harder to find. It takes a little more effort, but it would mean the world to the indie artists on the other side.

[dearweirdme]

https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/714931786938040320/hello-if-they-ask-you-why-you-believe-in-taekook?source=share

Wow your response is so 👌👌👌

Also I wanna know what do you think about this 'Streisand effect'? I just learnt about this term😂.. Don't you think taekook especially their company uses this inorder to create constant buzz and make it more widespread?

Hi Anon!

Tricky question you’ve sent me here! I so wish we could take just a small peak into BTS’s marketing strategies, but unfortunately all we can do is guess. This is probably going to be long again. Their way of dealing with Taekook has been confusing to me at times. Because while there are several clear instances where Tae and Jk are being forced to distance themselves, there are also a lot of instances shown that we would expect to be hidden if the ship was something they wanted to hide (Tae cuddling up with Jk in his bed in The Soop for instance). So why show some things, but also obviously hide others?

The way I understand it is that the Streisand Effect is not something that can be used as a marketing strategy, it’s more a side effect of doing a poor job at hiding things. For the company to actually try to hide stuff only to want people to pay more attention would be way to risky I believe. So while I do think the Streisand effect may be happening a bit, I don’t think it’s necessarily what they want. I think both the company and Taekook actively try to hide stuff and they probably succeed in hiding way (!) more than any of us are able to imagine.

The thing with Tae and Jk is… it’s so hard to completely hide their connection. It’s one thing to hide actual obvious actions, like hugging and touching… those can be edited out rather easily. But affection and intimacy are things that show themselves through very small often automatic responses to the other. It’s in the way we look at someone, the way our initial response to someone’s voice or appearance is. It’s called micro expressions (look it up, it’s interesting) and those are hard to describe, so it’s even harder for an editor to look for and hide. That is why so many people pick up on the bond between Tae and Jk but very little people know how to actually describe why their bond appears different from the other members. It’s just hard to get your head around, because when looking for signs to proof two people are in a relationship we tend to look for the obvious grand gesture kind off stuff (enter Jikook here), while real relationships, especially long term ones, go beyond those.

Now imagine having started this new Kpop band. Thankfully all of the members seem to get along, become real friends even and two of them have amazing chemistry. Shipping is a common thing especially in Kpop, so you utilize it. You want attention on your band, because the competition is hard. With these two member having this great chemistry, you don’t have to push for it as much. It’s already there and it works. But, at some point… maybe it’s getting out of hand a bit. And then it becomes clear that the members actually are in a relationship. What do you do? South Korea might love shipping, they do not love actual queer relationships (in general that is). So while you don’t mind the ship, the relationship has to be hidden. I think that’s when Jikook comes into play. Jimin is their close friend, they are comfortable with each other, the role comes easy to him as he is kind off a flirty person with everyone. Him and Jk are able to play of the grand gesture parts I mentioned before so to a lot of people that becomes the next ship. Now they are able to say, look it’s just shipping Jk, Tae and Jimin are just close friends… it’s normal. They start showing less and less of Taekook, going with a “they are no longer close” narrative and boom… the story changes for the eyes of the greater public. To people paying attention this was never enough, but companies are mostly concerned with the media. They do not actually care if there’s a part of fandom that’s still picking up on reality, they are probably even happy that it’s still a thing, because it does create fandom chatter and that is always a good thing.

I think they are walking a fine line (both the company and Tae and Jk themselves). The company wants to keep the ship, but hide the relationship. That is why we at times got clear footage of Taekook being close, but at other times clear instances of them being forced apart. Tae and Jk seem to really want to show their strong bond these days, but they don’t actually want to be out I think. They can’t it’s not safe for them to do so. I think they are being very brave, I admire them a lot.

[meirimerens]

I'm sorry if this is a weird question and its totally ok if you dont want to answer it but, if you dont mind, how did you enjoy your experience in art college? Do you have any tips or things to say to those who want to or are considering following the same path? I'm finishing high school in some months and i really dream of persuing art in the Academic's Way but everyday i fear not being able to "get a proper job" or "be a 'productive' functioning member of society" if that's what i decide to do (or even worse: Getting a job, or just getting into college, but starting to dread (making) art. I think this is what messes with me the most. I know how capitalism can make you hate your job and i dont know if i'm ready to. Idk. Go through that when it comes to art-making). I really love drawing and making art and studying and observing art and there's nothing in the world I wish to learn more about than it, but suddenly I feel so much doubt & fear & etc... again sorry if this is too personal, you definitely dont need to answer if you dont feel like it !!! hope you have a good night/morning anyway

Hello my darling i can try to answer that

long to follow:

let me start with a few things/disclaimers of sorts which weighted Quite A Lot in my ability to enjoy college and that might be wildly different where you live:

i went to an art college in France (because. i live here) and through post-highschool education without having to worry once about being in debt in my early twenties. i have no loans to pay back. i could go back to the school and get a master without needing to take one, i could decide to go to a different uni without having to worry about debt. i don't have on my back the Weight you might have, if you're American, to know you might have to reimburse thousands or tens of thousands of bucks in student loans.

another thing: i did not, and do not have still, parental pressure to Get A Job. my parents always have been insanely supportive of my desire to go to art college, and even as i now, today, am overcome with doubts and "damn i should do other studies to have a chance in the job market", they've never been like ":/ you're not gonna go very far in life with that art degree…". they want me to get a job i will Like bc they've accumulated Sucky Jobs their whole lives but they've never mocked me for my art studies path, for my desire to work in the arts/literature. they're not people who value Being A Good Capitalism Pawn And Doing A Sucky 9-5 Until You Die, which i am very thankful for, but it might not be the case for your family, your friends, your culture.

ok now that The Lore is out of the way let me keep going

our art college experiences WILL be fundamentally different unless you go to the Specific one i went in france. the functioning of that school is apparently even very different than its own neighbors within the country, so everything i say will be vastly different for you, period.

art college To Me mostly brought me four things: new ways to see, speak of, decipher, understand, and make art (so valuable); new frameworks to talk about and understand my own art and others (SO VALUABLE!); new skills (namely engraving and photography); and fantastic people to meet. if you do go to art school i Pray you meet people who are so interesting so different from you and do art in such specific ways that you will have your world rocked. to me, just these 4 things fundamentally Changed Me (for the best), and even if i get no money from it i consider that experience so anchored in me.

this is likely a Culture thing, but most of us in art school knew Damn Well we had a lot of chances to not make money with our art LOL. like the recurring joke was "étudiant en art aujourd'hui, chômeur demain" ["art student today, unemployed tomorrow"]. and it wasn't a… big deal? like it wasn't a Hustling Culture at all. number of my classmates were fucking hippies (AFFECTIONATE) LOL.

that's a lot of rambling to say that i wasn't 1) brought up in a Money-Centric family who will push me out of the house so i can go #grind and are perfectly comfortable with me taking time to build a portfolio bc covid kinda prevented me from doing that teehee 2) studying in a Money-Centric school. even if, today as i did then, i'm very much aware i might not have the Best Perspectives For A Bountiful Coin-Getting Future, i still have the ability to Go Back To School if i want without it being a sure way to get myself in thousands of bucks in debt.

our experiences Will be insanely different, so LET ME GIVE YOU A FEW TIPS THAT MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT WORK FOR YOU

connect with people. YES it's hard and harder if you're shy you're gonna have to do it.

go to any lectures or whatnot that interest you so you can 1) connect with people 2) Meet New Interesting Faces

if your school brings artists from Outside for workshops/lectures/whatnot, ask them question… look at their work… etc… some schools have Working Artists as professors so if there's one whose work you love TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT.

if something your professor says Interests you, asks them for more reading on it, more references, etc… even if you don't read em! it will 1) show them you care 2) give you more stuff to come back to if you ever DO want to read em lol.

if your school has photography/engraving/design/whatnot classes that interest you, jump on the occasion. it might Unlock something in you, and that's a skill you can market anyways.

if some students in your school decide to make a little.. school newspaper, or artists' group, or this or that, JUMP ON THE OCCASION. again, that might be a marketable skill later. you can even try to make one yourself!

in case of another covid lockdown: CHECK WHICH OF YOUR CLASSES HAVE POSSIBILITIES TO BE HAD ONLINE! a lot of art history classes can be online, but most classes where you learn a new skill With Your Hands will get fucked over if covid hit. my school relied A Lot on you Coming To It and being on your own in huge rooms and working on your own and then meet professors about it, so then covid hit, a Huge Part of the actual work you did in school got fucked over, which made my 2nd and 3rd years Not The Best. if you can, try to have a good balance of classes you can have online and classes you have in-school so you don't get Too fucked over if another plague hits.

if your school organizes like… exhibitions, or has artist calls for projects… keep an eye on em. participate if you can. i didn't participate in a lot during my own years and i'm sad about it :( don't do like me!!! actually bite life as it comes baby.

damn that's long. ok. tldr: we Will have vastly different experiences. that's unavoidable. here ^ were some tips.

from me to you + something i might abide by: if you Love art hugely, but feel like Making It for money so you can eat will make you feel like shit… well i can understand. i can empathize. at the end of my cursus, most students are kinda expected to become self-employed artists, but as you can guess… rough life. SO! if you love art but Making It For Profit fills you with dread, here are a few ideas from me:

study art history! even if you're not interested in being a professor of that (which is also A Good Thing To Be + my 1st year art history professor easily one of my favorites i've had), museums or galleries or institutions sometimes look for people who've studied that for mediation jobs (when you welcome a public and Tell Em about what they're looking at). you can study art history Broadly or focus on little things. for ex. i might decide at some point to go back to uni for a art history focus and maaaybe even prehistoric art focus.

what else. if you an artist Now try to participate in zines, or make your own even if they suck so you can put that on a resume (and again, IF you go to art school and your classmates/YOU start a little school newspaper… that shit goes in the resume!!!)

if you have any time and/or motivation, get yourself some online classes about like. adobe suite (you can pirate it honestly) or generally softwares that Art People Love. again -> marketable skill babey!!!!

i'm not sure if Any of that is valuable to you. i wish you all the best in this Bitch of a world.

[jester-writing]

I have finally got all the palace rulers named and mostly ready. I will go on more about them prompted or not.

The first ruler is Kamado Rowan. He is the Principal at Seiun Academy. He wants to keep the school perfect and will not settle for less. He will do anything, mental abuse and manipulation. He pushes students and teachers alike extremely hard. Any student or teacher who dares to speak out against him, will be punished and/or "exiled." Anything to keep the school perfect. He used to have a reasonand his palace reflects this fact. His constant want to improve the school's image led him to taking Rei into the school.

The second palace is that of Alexander Van Doren (one of two ocs on this list.) He is a famous half American actor. He was born to a rich family. From a young age he knew how to command emotions in a scene and his parents quickly got him into acting. He acted on stage and film. After some time of acting he eventually got hired as the host of a famous game show skyrocketing his popularity. He had everything.

But somewhere he started feeling a sort of lust for a feeling. The feeling one gets from destroying another's life. In his youth, he blamed an action of his on another young actor. The kid was fired and his career ruined. AVD kept going he started to take on apprenticeships. Most of these were, however, Contestants to play a sick game for his own entertainment. At some point he stopped seeing others as fully human. He lost all remorse for his victims. Some versions of his game couldn't go on. Because of them he is under blackmail to target some specific people. More details when I talk about the palaces themselves.

The third palace belongs to Bagin. Not much to say here other than he replaces Kaneshiro. Bagin is a codename he uses. He's in the drug dealing business and a major headache to class President Cyllene.

The fourth palace rulers are Ingo and Emmet Treywn. They couldn't bring themselves to leave their room, in Drayden's house, after their parents death. Both sides of their family hate them. They find Ingo's constant frown unnerving and his loud voice annoying. They find Emmet's smile and monotone voice unnerving as well, and his verbal tics extremely annoying. They make no real attempts to hide that fact to the twins. That they will only take in the twins because of their inheritance. Drayden a close friend of the twins parents, takes them in to his house. They love the Pokemon games the 5th gen being their favorite. (This will be important.) They of course still love trains. They also have learned to hack.

The 5th palace ruler is Lester Parukan. He is the second of the 2 OC's. He is Irida's father. He works in the Real Estate and Construction businesses. His main project is that of renting out places. He specifically targets poor, vulnerable or inexperienced people in the housing market. Promising affordable housing with stuff already inside. He puts hidden cameras and listening devices all over the houses he rents out. He waits until a tenant slips up, when they break the contract he will know. He will use this to extort his victims for money and favors (all non-sexual).

He is also a member of a cult. (The same one manipulating everything.) Before Volo got his fancy powers, Lester did the killing just more quietly. He buried the bodies on his properties. Irida doesn't know about this part.

The 6th palace ruler is Cyrus Alluvia. He is a prosecutor. Cyrus already doesn't express emotions well and he's started to repress them because of his job. (We all know this can't be good.) The only emotion that really shows is anger. All other times he shows only a void.

The 7th ruler is Cogita. Not much is known about her. She's a leader of a very influential cult. She's extremely manipulative making others bend to her will. (I don't have much for her)

Again I will try to go back and detail them more upon request or when I feel like it. I still have so much left to do before I can even start writing this au.

[criticalbennifer]

"My wife is here, she'll confirm that!" why do they always have to advertise their relationship? Do they think we're going to forget they're married or something? 99% of the time now when they're making any sort of public appearance they're together or talking about each other or both, I don't remember it ever being this way with their previous partners. Also, as a side note, this is just speculation, but I really get the feeling that they miss the kind of media and public attention they got when they were first together and really want to replicate that now, but unfortunately the public doesn't seem to really care. I'd love to hear your thoughts on that.

I thought I was being “bitch eating crackers” about this so I left things alone. But I guess others have noticed. This one in particular didn’t bother me but there was something in the Variety video that bugged. He mention Jlo when telling MBJ he watched the Creed movie. That was ok - it seemed off hand, but then he was mentioning her “impact,” and i thought “why bring that up?” Did he have a “mention Jlo is inspirational” quota to fulfill? It felt disingenuous.

But you know what? I prefer when Ben brings her up, than when Jlo brings him up. She always sounds like a 12 year when she talks about him. She seems…vapid.

When Ben drops new info about her it’s cool. She watches Yellowstone?! Oh, she saw the Creed movies! I prefer that to the “she’s so impactful!” In reverse she’s never dropping info that I want to know. What’s his favorite movie this year? What book is he reading right now? Why doesn’t she post some of his photography -that she’s not in!- on her instagram?! It’s always just “I put Jlo Beauty on him **tee hee**” WHO CARES ABOUT THAT?! IT DOESNT EVEN WORK! HE LOOKS AS DRY AND ASHY AS EVER!

Do they want the same attention they had back then?

I think Jlo does. The majority of her projects in the next year revolve or are associated to him. Which I don’t like. She’s always mixing her professional life with her personal life and it always comes back to bite her (AND HER KIDS!!!) in the ass. You’d think she’d learn by now to keep the two separate.

Maybe Ben does too but only the good parts (whatever those are). He doesn’t want to look ridiculous, which, good luck. You’re married to Jlo, there’s no escaping that. She’s like Donald Trump, aiming for glamorous - always ending up at tacky. I think mostly Ben is using this relationship to look stable so he can get insured and get more jobs. Does he love her? I don’t even know if he likes her. He’s not helping himself with all these grumpy cat pap strolls. He always looks miserable and like he’s about to bail - which always means a spiral. It’s like he’s trying not to be too associated with her. All those “happy” family farmer’s market pap stroll pics still exist on the internet, to remind people of the “normal” “suburban” boring life Ben used to have and some people still want for him. Is he trying to keep that door open? But the “marriage is work” speech is still up and around too so…

I think he’s “behaving” right now because he’s campaigning in award season and he doesn’t want to rock any boats. I want to see what becomes of them after awards season. Are the paps with the ex wife going to start up again? Or has he finally set up some real boundaries (I doubt it)?

I don’t think they’re as big as they were back then but I think they’re still a big deal. If they had better resumes, they’d be THE golden couple but they’re out here coming out with bullshit like this “album” and Marry Me (she’s too old for these roles and needs to hard transition to straight drama) and Hypnotic (which was fun and had some nice abs but was so dumb). At least they’re more interesting together than they are apart. TBH I wouldn’t care about either of them if they weren’t together right now.

[bisluthq]

It's one thing to not want to be so private anymore, but this is actively leaning into the public and playing into marketing the whole thing. We have updates on their relationship status from Tree or Pia every week. Basically everything they do together has been stuck with a camera on their faces. The only stuff we haven't seen are basically their text messages and what they do inside of his home, that's it. The tour was not starting for two weeks and we already knew he was going to be there. On the day before literally every media posted with sources he was going to be there, announcing it like it was supposed to be a big event. They do the same for his games. That doesn't make these things look normal, it just looks like they want people to know, to tune in and photographers to be there. Like it's literally being done in the most direct way. They also hinted on it on the podcast. If he was just going to be there for her, why not just show up and that's it? Why make a big show out of it? If this is supposed to be like a new normal for her, than act like it. Just act normal about it as if you were a normal BF/GF supporting each other. And then why aren't they doing that? Well I have my thoughts but they don't really matter so

Idk I think they have to deal with the media because they’re very famous. The pressers are mostly telling everyone to chill really? It’s better for them to release statements than for people to make shit up about them (which everyone still does)? Tree and Pia are literally just doing their jobs. If they said nothing, there would still be a hell of a lot of attention on them.

They’re on CNN again dudes like the interest is unparalleled. I don’t think stopping pressers would change that.

[incarnateirony]

Hi! I don't know if you actually know this, and it may be a stupid question, but could a different show actually make Destiel go canon again, like we've been joking about? Would they be allowed to say 'Castiel and his human got married' (or something along those lines) given that WB still owns the characters? (I know Lucifer had a throwaway line about Cas, but this seems like a different situation.) Thank you :)

Never any promises in media, fam.

I'll break this down one last time.

WB owns the rights to the IP. Jensen somehow got license to use that IP, via Chaos Machine.

Chaos Machine replaces any "pop up" studio via the production company (WB). "Supernatural studios" as run by WB doesn't return. Just like when Walker ends, Stick To Your Guns dies with it. Jared might be able to get a job as a producer in a different situation like that (another CW show also with a hand-in from the WB for example)

Chaos Machine is its own independent agency in production, essentially bookending the way the team will be in control of the content.

We don't know really if Jensen has _license_ to use it in the purest terms of having purchased the property-- or more _lease_ to use it, since while Chaos Machine is independent, they have an exclusivity deal with the WB (are you guys starting to get a feeling Jensen didn't tell Jared a LOT for A LONG TIME about this, actually?) Meaning they'll only produce WB content. But that probably comes with a good chunk of money.

Chaos Machine's individual branding has been very LGBTQ oriented, and then we're hit with the presumingly straight concept of John and Mary as narrated by Dean. But here's the thing, depending on how they engage the WB it still might have been "No, we don't want that" at a few others. This is unclear. Jensen claims it's just the first one he wants to tell, so if we take that at face value, it's probably the first one he pitched, but gay shit or not he still probably had to have a pretty damn solid pitch to sell them on. But the fine details of how that handles along the way?

Investors. Chaos Machine is its own entity and therefore can have its own investors. Hence, for example, strong LGBTQ marketing trying to pull in LGBTQ corporate sponsors--or EXTREMELY rich people but it's mostly gonna be corporate rainbow capitalism to some extent--to invest in this and yet still announcing this John and Mary Spinoff.

Then Jared Padalecki throws a mantrum all over twitter because he wasn't invited to a story he has next to no relevance in, despite I'm sure Jensen having been previously considering ways to hook up cameos for the pals and the fans both.

Where that lands investor opinion, hard to say. But either way, if you think about it like the WB as a bankroller, sure, but also CM able to bankroll itself for the most part and not being heavily reliant on handouts from daddy company--daddy company gets a lot less say.

That's something Supernatural Studios never really had. They had... Robert Singer essentially signing them on to be a production company arm for years that pretty much singlehandedly floated their child network used to crank out content enough to get syndicated and/or digital to make residuals into eternity.

Yeah okay so now that we have that cleared up. If this blatant attempt to revive the dying CW actually arrives in time to save the network, which has a script commitment with them (wherein if they don't take it to order they pay a penalty, which they can't afford right now). This means it WILL get belched into our TVs, so what Jensen seems to do is make HIMSELF the middle man, but then raise his status up with investors to essentially counter-invest the WB and do what he wants within his reach. Whatever that looks like.

But beyond that, it goes

Writer > Production Studio > Network > Production Draft

Robbie Thompson is the announced writer so far. The studio is Chaos Machine. The network is CW

So Robbie > Jensen > CW > ...Jensen?

He gets to bookend influence as needed and if for any reason CW tinkers with the content or makes demands -- since he has his own rainbow capitalism investors -- and can take strong stand in early pass, and really breaks the line of daddy demands from WB, which just leaves Pedowitz shoving it out onto air eventually. They might tweak shit early on but then with Jensen recording narrating and probably directing on occasion, he can literally apply an art well learned from Robert Berens and Dick Speight (who, bet money, will be back eventually, adding to Team Heller), subterfuging it by passing it one way and taking liberty to change another way. Then the studio (Chaos Machine) will approve final product and then push it to Pedowitz, who now can't change it because we're at deadline. Yeah, he'll stop fighting if he has any that wasn't direct hand-in-influence from WB.

So where they go from there, chances? It seems to just be whatever Jensen chooses to do with it, as long as he plays a little business chess on occasion.

[raleighliving]

Raleigh Apartment Culture

So I'm of the mind that Raleigh is a great place to live. It has my favorite things, my favorite people, and I'm too broke to move anywhere else.

Raleigh works for me, but I recognize it doesn't work for everyone. Some people had less than ideal childhoods and wanna escape the state ASAP, some just want to live closer to their dream jobs or have new opportunities. That's all fine, but what if this describes where you are now?

What if, for the sake of argument, you're outside of NC and wanna move in? Moving is expensive, time-consuming, and risky at the best of times; so you wanna make sure that wherever you're landing is at least as good as where you started 90% of the time

"But RL," I hear you say, "you make Raleigh sound like an idyllic dreamscape populated with parks and a diverse kumbayah of peoples living in harmony"

I do talk about Raleigh in a positive light but, like a life saving medicine flavored like ass, sometimes you have to take the good with the bad.

So before you spend thousands of dollars on moving vans, boxes, and grits; here's a crash course on what it's like living in a Raleigh apartment, coming from someone whose majority of Raleigh Living (heh) has been in apartments.

First off, location. Any realtor will tell you that location is 80% of the sale to sound profound, and as anyone who has lived in the middle of ass-backward nowhere can tell you: It sucks having to drive 30 minutes to go anywhere.

Good news: With the Raleigh Beltline and connecting roads, there are very few places in Raleigh where your trip will last longer than thirty minutes one-way. Bad News: where you set down still matters because cutting down on travel is important for car and mental health.

North Raleigh is different from south Raleigh is different from northwest Raleigh, and the locals aren't the only difference you'll find between locations. Each segment of Raleigh has something to offer, with easier access to some attractions than others and neighboring cities for when you need something outside the RDU area.

Using downtown as the center of our wheel, people generally divide Raleigh into North and South Raleigh (with distinction given for NW, SE, NE, etc when needed). N.Raleigh is considered generally more upscale, a slice of suburban living interspersed with plenty of shopping centers for families and the moderately wealthy; but it's boring as all hell.

Want some fun? Excitement in the evenings and a more traditional urban experience with bars, night clubs, strip clubs, and more? South Raleigh is your best bet, at the cost of being the "sketchy" side of Raleigh. That kind of place where you'll see a bunch of auto shops that look abandoned but haven't been closed in the past 5 years and there's at least one customer from time to time.

Of course, this is a lot of generalizing but you'll find that it's still mostly accurate. The main exception in this is Capital Blvd, a highway cutting across north and south Raleigh on the eastern half of the city; a high crime corridor that's undergoing some changes in the northern half that have (somewhat) reduced crime but most people will still associate that area with the majority of Raleigh's crime and debauchery.

More importantly, is the distinction Raleigh citizens put on inside the beltline versus outside the beltline. The I-440 and 540 highways that wrap around Downtown form the mythical beltline, and to a degree what you have access to. Inside the beltline is the majority of workplaces, stores, and shopping centers; while outside you'll still have these things just to a more... dispersed extent.

North Raleigh actually kinda exemplifies this perfectly. Living inside the beltline, you have access to places like North Hills, Crabtree Valley mall, and Triangle Town Center. Live outside the beltline, like I currently am, and you're looking at 10 to 15 minutes to the nearest sheetz for that late night double hot dog fix.

So for point one: How important is it that you're near things? The majority of apartments and rental properties are in or around the belt-line, but if you want to save some cash on rent checks the cheaper properties are gonna extend your trips a bit.

Next, what can you expect in terms of neighbors? Does Raleigh have a hip party scene full of teens renting cheap apartments and blasting trap music at 3AM?

Depends on where you live

I swear not every point is going to be this, but there's an important distinction this time that affects the type of people your complex will likely have surrounding you; are you in North or South Raleigh?

North Raleigh has a ton of pre-schools, k-12 public schools (Leesville, Hillburn, Lead Mine, just to name a few), and office complexes that make up the job market. As a result the majority of apartment renters in north Raleigh tend to be families with a few small kids or so.

As a result, living off of Glenwood North and Edwards Mill I never had any noise problems from neighbors, the worst being kids playing outside at 3PM sounding like they were being murdered (which apparently is a common thing and I apologize to any neighbors I frightened with ghastly shrieks).

What I did have a problem with, however, was the typical Karen's you hear people complain about online. Renting a property now, we have access to our neighborhood's NextDoor page and it's hilarious sometimes to go on and read the comments, but living at a certain property we had a sort of mini-Facebook for residents

That thing was always full of either people who were moving out looking to sell their furniture or people passive-aggressively challenging each other/the apartment managers with comments about things happening around the complex.

Once I logged in to see one man accuse another, without ever actually accusing someone specific ("I know who did it and they should be ashamed" type post) of putting glass beer bottles under the tires of his truck to try and puncture them. Everyone acts civil in public, but then online they'll stir the pot harder than a chef with a hand mixer.

South Raleigh, you have the schools like Shaw University, Meredith, and NCSU; so the people renting down there are typically college kids. You'll see more apartments that cater towards them like University Village or University Woods, but sometimes these places will cater to both college kids and working adults

Avoid these places like the plague, because despite sometimes having a lower cost to live there the neighbors and their shenanigans will drive you up the wall (unless you're the type to join in, then go wild).

I've had friends stay at places like University Village and The Proper (formerly The Vie, formerly Wolf Creek) who've shared horror stories. 3AM parties ending in property damage or vomit in inconvenient places, drug deals not even trying to be subtle, and maintenance workers doing nothing because regardless of the apartment conditions; no school's gonna pull their contract with them unless news articles start getting written.

http://www.technicianonline.com/news/article_898ddf34-82f5-11e7-b3d8-07059d248619.html

https://www.wral.com/vie-at-raleigh-residents-finally-able-to-move-into-clean-units/16887833/

http://www.technicianonline.com/news/article_ea8ed7aa-a092-11e8-a2af-e70af36566d0.html

Otherwise, south Raleigh apartments are largely like north Raleigh apartments; except the crime rate tends to be a little higher and you'll run into more singles and people working full time.

Otherwise, Raleigh apartment culture is like apartment culture anywhere else in the country. You have a mix of apartments catering to those just looking to live versus more ostentatious luxury apartments with fancy pools, exercise facilities, and tech packages to draw people in.

If you're renting in Raleigh, however, do try to get a roommate or two if you can manage. Even with a decent job paying 800+ on a one bedroom one bath apartment can be exhausting at best, but with even one other person that can functionally halve your expenses

So if you're a young professional, or a student, or even if you have a small family, I can safely recommend renting in Raleigh. There's plenty of places that'll accommodate you, and cater towards your needs.

But what about everyone else? Are there people who shouldn't rent in Raleigh?

No

But there are groups who I'd seriously ask to consider their other choices before picking Raleigh as a destination for their new home.

For instance, are you a member of the LGBT community? A trans or non-binary individual? Well then, first off, I want you to know that you're loved and valid. I'm accepting of who you are and appreciate everyone's right to identify how they choose, but I'm not everyone.

Raleigh's bluer than other parts of North Carolina, as I've stated in other blog write-ups, but it's still part of North Carolina unfortunately and as a result, you'll face some challenges.

I doubt anyone's gonna burn a cross in your yard or knock over your mailbox, but Raleigh doesn't offer LGBT protections for housing, jobs, or credit/lending discriminations according to the Movement Advancement Project's website.

We have support organizations for LGBT and NB individuals, plenty of high schools and colleges have Gay-Straight Alliance clubs, and there are numerous businesses downtown that cater specifically to those individuals... but we're also the state that got into a lot of hot water because of a stupid bathroom bill, and our politicians are trying to pass anti-trans sports legislation (because they now magically care about the integrity of womens sports).

By that measure, but to a lesser extent, if you fall outside the Liberal/Conservative political spectrum then be prepared to have no one to discuss your politics with outside of a few sparse networks like the DSA.

Additionally, if you don't have someone to room with or a significant other to split costs with; you may want to try searching somewhere a little cheaper.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Raleigh housing prices aren't terrible for a major metropolitan city, but we're not the best prices in the world.

You can get prices on apartments and rentals lower than say, California or New York. However, compared to other parts of NC like Greensboro or Garner; rentals are still a bit much.

On average, a Raleigh apartment can run you about $900 for a single bedroom and a single bathroom. You can find cheaper, but often times there's some risk associated (Crime levels, quality of the room, quality of the property manager, etc.) Looking for a two bedroom? Then your average price is gonna jump up to around $1,200, and this is all before utilities and cable come into play.

It's true a lot of companies around here will pay more than the $7.25 minimum wage, but most low-skilled jobs will pay around 10-11 an hour.

I guess though, that's kind of an obvious statement. "Don't live in Raleigh if you can't afford to live in Raleigh."

I might expand on these thoughts at a later time, but hopefully for now I've given you some food for thought; or at the very least an entertaining read for a few minutes.

I love my city, and I love the friends I've made in it, but the sad truth is that nowhere is perfect for everyone; leastways Raleigh. If Raleigh sounds like the kind of place you'd like to live in, at least take a day trip to come visit and see how things go that way. Visit some stores, meet some locals, and form an opinion off of more than travel blogs and youtube videos.

[portiaphan]

DV Characters as Things Hannibal Buress Has Said

Alex: "I'm a gangsta, and gangstas don't ask questions." Yes they do ask questions! I thought that was a main point of being a gangster. "Hey, mothafucka, where's my money?" That's a question. "Do you want to die tonight?" That's a question too. "What? What?" That's two questions.

Alva: Gibberish rap is - I freestyle all the time, just hangin' out with friends. And sometimes when I'm freestyling, I'll lose my flow, you know, but I'll still wanna - I don't wanna just stop rapping because I lose my flow. So I'll just put in nonsense words till I can bring in regular words again.

Brielle: I couldn't imagine only being an actor or a writer. Because what the hell do I do when I'm not working? Mope?

Battista: I’m a dumb guy. My point of view is limited.

Bellamy: Why are you booing me? I'm right!

Beau: SIX PACK ABS! TEN PACK ABS! TWELVE PACK! What if I want an odd number of abs? What if I want a five pack to show people I'm still humble?

Bernadette: My other airport nemesis is airport security. I don't like them at all. They seem so dedicated to keeping bottled water out of the sky.

Calina: I acknowledge that I jaywalked, I apologize not for the act of jaywalking but how my jaywalking made you feel. I'll try not to jaywalk in the future while you're watching but trust that I'll do it for the rest of my life - it's the best way to go about being a pedestrian.

Castora: There's a lot of dudes in my neighborhood that have handlebar mustaches. Which is cool if you want to have a handlebar mustache but don't try to have a conversation with me like you don't have a handlebar mustache.

Catherine: He said, "Man, we are right by the Adige River. These buildings are 200-300 years old, they have rats everywhere. Even the five-star restaurants have rats!" Somehow he made me feel like the asshole for bringing up rats! I don't know what kind of jedi mind trick that was - it confused the hell out of me because I still ended up ordering food then.

Cyrus: So we talk for a little bit. She says stuff, I say stuff, she says stuff, I say stuff. You know how a conversation works.

Celeste: I get upset easily by people. I saw this guy- he was on the phone. He had the phone between the ear and shoulder like that, but he didn't have anything in his hands. Which is really upsetting! Who the hell do you think you are? This action for people that are multitasking. Where's your other task? You're not doing anything else.

Daphne: He'd be the worst real estate agent ever. "Right here we have a 34 bedroom house. Let me show you around the property. Great features to this place, some of the rooms have extra, smaller rooms in them."

Delilah: I was in Scotland for all of August and it was the darkest time of my life. Mostly 'cause they call cookies biscuits. I don't like that at all. It was an incredible culture shock for me, tough to adjust but I tried for a few weeks. Pass me the chocolate chip BISCUITS. Let's have biscuits and milk, everybody. I love Oreo biscuits. But, in the fourth week, I couldn't handle it no more. THOSE ARE COOKIES THOSE AREN'T BISCUITS. Those are cookies. Cookies are cookies and biscuits are biscuits. If you call cookies biscuits, what do you call biscuits 'cause I'm not saying scones.

Everett: I did not move to Verona with a plan. The first time I moved to Verona, I just popped up. My sister was living here in Verona. I just popped up. She had her baby and a husband, and I just popped up. "Hey, what's up? I got $200 and dreams. Let's do this."

Genevieve: I can't just look at a status and move along. I see a status got 36 'likes' — can't accept it got 36 'likes' and move along. I got to click on it and start reading the names of the people that liked it. "Oh, yeah. Jim would 'like' some shit like that."

Grace: Yo ma, money over everything.

Halcyon: Awe man, I gotta get a team. I don't have a team, I just have friends. I call up my friend, "Hey man, I know you're my friend but I need you on my team right now."

Hazel: You have a regular-sized tub and a miniature tub, the sink.

Henry: You never know what could happen when you go into a store - somebody might pull a Tonya Harding on you and break your knee cap. And now you got your knees all fucked up just ‘cause you wanted to get that vinyl.

Hugo: It sounds like God owed someone some money and they couldn’t get to him, so they murked his son. That’s what I really think happened. Jesus got stabbed up in an alley… but it’s easier to sell crucifixes. You can’t sell a pendant of someone getting shanked up in the alley. It’s a marketing scheme.

Ivan: Come to your place at 5:00 in the morning, eat your food, drink your drinks, leave at 6:30 without fucking like it’s cool. That’s a passive burglary.

Isabelle: Two separate charges $400 at Barnes and Noble. Who balls out of control at Barnes and Noble?

Juliana: Believe in yourself like one of those weird-ass clothing stores that only have six shirts in them. So many questions. How much do these shirts cost? How long have y'all been here? Why is there a DJ?

Katarina: Kill people, burn shit, fuck school, I hate spam emails! That's annoying! You think you have an email from a friend but it's spam.

Lucien: I believe in my ability to not spill food in my pants 'cause I'm a goddamn adult. And I've mastered the art of getting food from my plate to my mouth without messing up my jeans. You need to believe in yourself, too and get your life together, that's for babies. Have some confidence in your eating abilities and hand/eye coordination.

Lucrezia: I'VE ALREADY SEEN LIMITLESS.

Lillian: I'm not a club person, I'm more of a bar/lounge type of person. But, I'll go anywhere if you give me a free bottle of alcohol.

Mikael: I have weird aspirations. Like, I really want to kick a pigeon.

Matthias: It's a weird emotion when you're flattered and cynical at the same time. "Oh, that's nice that you would say that, but what the fuck are you up to?"

Marcelo: I just wear black and gray all the time. If you Google Image me, you'll just see a bunch of black and gray. It's simple. If I like a shirt, I'll buy six or eight of them, wear them back-to-back, and just wait for somebody to say something. "That's the same shirt you wore yesterday." "Yeah, but this one is fresh."

Maeve: When people go through something rough in life, they say, "I'm taking it one day at a time." Yes, so is everybody. Because that's how time works.

Nikolai: But this time, it was me and this old lady we were jaywalking together. We weren't together like that. But if we were, so what? Mind your business.

Odessa: It was a phone interview and sometimes when I do phone interviews and the journalist is boring, I just start saying crazy stuff to make it fun for me.

Olivio: There have been times I’ve been out, and my phone battery is at nine percent, and I was like, "Time to go home."

Orion: Don’t thank the lord. I gave you that compliment, thank me.

Priam: I lost my debit card recently, had five charges on it before I caught it. First charge, $30 Chuckee Cheese. Who goes to Chuckee Cheese as soon as they find a debit card? Are you serious?

Paola: I applied for a job at Starbucks. One of the questions was, 'Why do you want to work at Starbucks?' Uh, because my life is in shambles.

Pandora: I don't even know how to use a semicolon to this day, I use a comma every time. And you know what? If I email somebody and they get upset about me using a comma instead of a semicolon, that's not a person I want to work with anyway. And that's how you weed people out of your life.

Ramona: I went into this restaurant in Verona called The Two Gentlemen. Went into the bathroom at The Two Gentlemen, huuuuge rat in the bathroom at The Two Gentlemen and the rat looked at me like "the fuck you doing here?" That was his vibe, very negative vibe.

Rafaella: Sometimes I get drunk and I get into arguments with taxi drivers. And I get out the cab and I slam the door. That's not the way to win an argument with a taxi driver. The way to win is you get out of the cab and you leave the door open.

Regina: And that was the first time in my life, without any sarcasm, I could say, "What? You want a cookie or something?" Because any other time you say that, you being mean, but I meant it from my heart. "How many cookies you want, man? You want seven cookies? That's way too many cookies. You're being ridiculous right now. You can take, like, three or four cookies and get out of my face. Otherwise, you're taking advantage of my generosity."

Ronan: Wack.

Roman: In my hometown of Verona, I'm kind of a medium deal.

Theodora: We got interns at the job. You can just tell them to do stuff. You gotta be nice, though. I had this cat fax something. I handed him a couple of pages, and I handed him another page. I said, "Hey, man, fax something for yourself, too."

Tomas: Rap videos confuse me cause they have to be continued at the end but the never make a sequel. Where’s the second video? There’s so much suspense!

Trinity: I was at the airport and there was this kid, four or five years old walking with his mommy, fixed his fingers in a fake gun, and then took a shot at me. And I'm looking at the wall to see if there's something on the wall he could've been shooting at 'cause I'm in denial. I look back at him, he looks me in the eyes and takes too more shots. Now I'm hit three times, that's an act of aggression. I need to defend myself.

Valentina: Morpheus, Dorpheus, Orpheus, go eat some walruses. Orifices, porridges. Morpheus, Morpheus. Going to the Buffet and Walruses. Confidence, corpseses. Worcestershire sauce. Go into your orifices. Red pill, blue pill. Morpheus, walruses. Seashells by the seashorpheus. MORPHEUS DRINKING A FORTY IN THE DEATH BASKET.

Vivianne: "We'll keep you in our thoughts" With the other bullshit in your heads? No, keep me out of your thoughts, because I hear some of the stuff you talk about and if that's close to what you're thinking about, I don't want to be around that, so keep me and my family out of your thoughts, unless you're thinking of making me a sandwich.

[legrebe]

The Window - II.

I wanted to scribble down a few thoughts about the rise of solidarity, people clapping for warrior health workers at their windows, young going grocery shopping for elders. Hearing about it feels like a reward after actualizing the death toll of the day, the foreseen disastrous impact on an already rotten economy (fragile, I meant fragile). It's nicer, softer and fluffier than a billion TP rolls. But pigeons and poetry be damned, I have to spit this out. I'm trying to keep up to date with the situation in countries where I have friends and family but doing so I am forced to admit once again that information is mostly behind the paywall. Or is it really? Maybe I don't get to read why [insert nationality here] are so disobedient because it’s in their genes, how to cope with home office, how to stay in shape when gyms are closed, or how to deal with the dry skin of your over washed hands (moisturizer, duh). Paywall or not, what seems absent from mainstream newspapers is explanations about why the health system of every single country is pushed to their limits in just a few days. What does it reveal? That our current health system is not designed to sustain any kind of health crisis. That hospitals' staff are already overworked. That "taking care" has been replaced with "making profit". Where health is public, the general discourse is that health costs too much, must be rationalized, spending less, and less and less, while adopting a contradictory approach on other topics - innocent example: current tax evasion (optimization, I meant optimization) system is drying out States resources all around the world. Where health is privatized, insurances want to grow their shareholders wealth, reducing the amount reimbursed, investing people's contributions in market shares to get more money, and doing so, exposing people's health to the risk of financial crises. Hospitals, private practitioners want to make profit. It is a fallacy: a health system cannot create direct profit. You cure people, and those people, once cured, will contribute to society - that's where the profit will be made. Curing can and should only be done outside of the “making profit” logic. Otherwise, to create the illusion of profit compared to the expenditure of last year, you cut expenses, a little more each time, and cure less and less and less. Until there is no health system left. I have no expertise but curiosity and two ounces of logic, no statistics but the one provided by the OCDE on its member states. Yet it seems obvious that it is the general trend followed by at least all European countries, if not all the world. Just take a look at the graphs: it’s the number of staffed hospital beds available for the population over the last 40 years. Everywhere, the number is falling down. But the population is by no mean healthier. On the contrary, it grows older each year, and with this increases the chances of developing health conditions. Yet it is not unavoidable, as Korea and to a certain extent China seems

to prove. So why this trend? Cutting costs, probably. Less beds, means less staff, means less room, means less expenses, means health system under stress, means it collapses when anything out of the ordinary happens. It also means less employments in the health sector, more burnouts, more sick persons. Winning logic by all account. Don’t get me wrong, curing has a cost. You need to pay for the infrastructures, hospitals, doctors, nurses, cafeteria staff, cleaning persons (vital in a hospital, yet completely forgotten by most). Taking care of and curing people is a job, not a vocation. It means decent salary, decent work conditions and the respect of workers rights. The management of those costs should not be subdued to a logic of profit. Society as a whole should decide how much of a health system it wants, how much of curing and caring it wants to receive. Not shareholders. Not the “economy”.

[deniigi]

(Rachel) thank you for answering! no, I don't really have any specific program in mind yet, I was mostly curious about the process. my dumb high school in eastern canada has the audacity to discourage post secondary education?? my guidance counselors, who have their jobs based on one (if not two!!!) university degrees say that it's expensive and a waste of time because most grads leave the province. they just want us all to work in the lumber industry that rules the province (1/2)

RACHEL YOU STICK IT TO THE MAN SWEETHEART

Seriously, I got this same shit, time and time again from counselor after counselor and supervisor after supervisor.

So let me explain where the fuck these guys are actually coming from so you don’t have to let only spite propel you to grad school like it did me (there are slightly more healthy propellants, like passion, curiosity, genuine desire to contribute to human knowledge, etc. Altho I am 110% going to sneak ‘spite’ into my acknowledgement section in my dissertation)

Okay, so actual, real talk. Let’s talk grad school (Master’s and PhD–although hey, undergrads and finishing up hs seniors–most of this shit is applicable to y’all too)

1. These folks are saying grad school is expensive because it kind of is expensive.

To this I say: yeah, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s just gonna take a bit of work and some compromise.

So I don’t know where you’re planning on going to undergrad or what your financial aid situation is, but my whole thing is that if you can make yourself or already are eligible for a postgrad scholarship or grant, you’re already doing hella towards your being a feasible candidate for that degree. Because I had a really good GPA going into my Master’s, I was eligible for an internal grant, and then, because I worked my ass off and got a high GPA my first semester, I got a fellowship. That covered my tuition, so all I had to do was deal with my cost of living and I was comfortable with taking out a loan for my two-year program to deal with that.

I want to be clear on 2 points here: I was only able to cover my tuition with my grant and fellowship because I made the decision earlier on that I was fine, absolutely unspeakably fine doing my Master’s at a mid-tier school (a state school, as we say in California, as opposed to a private college or a UC). I personally went to a very working-class school and I was really glad I did because those first tier, Ivy Leagues, and private schools are 1. so competitive it is literally detrimental to your body and mental health. 2. FUCKING expensive–and not for any damn real reason. Listen. If you’re getting an MA or an MFA, no one gives a shit where you do your degree, it’s all about tailoring the most comfortable learning environment for yourself. I personally do not believe in that fucking elitist big-name college bullshit because there is no guarantee that a fancy, expensive-ass degree from a big-name will get you a job over someone who went to a mid-tier. It just doesn’t work like that.

Anyways, so. To make things even more affordable, I also super fucking recommend working while doing your program if possible (no more than part-time, otherwise you’re begging for burn out). Besides being able to buy burritos and not have to pinch pennies 24/7, working lets you make some friends, build professional skills, and have a break from the academic work.

2. Hella students who start grad school don’t finish it.

Or they take 2 thousand years to do it and end up crying over their nearly-finished-but-not-quite thesis at the kitchen table for approximately 2 hours every night before bed.

That kind of makes the investment of your time, money, and energy seems kind of not worth it compared to the number of doors that your postgrad degree would (or would fail to) open up to you.

So. Here’s the thing.

If you want to go to grad school, you need to tell yourself that you are in this shit to win it. You gotta give yourself some very clear guidelines and have a backup plan if shit starts going south.

All I’m saying is that you should be honest with yourself and ask yourself why you’re doing it. If it just to not pay your student loans, that’s not a good reason. If you’re doing it because you don’t want to work yet, that’s not a good reason. If you’ve never not had school and the thought of not having that to build your routine around gives you anxiety, so you think, “I’ll just do another degree, I’ll be more ready to enter the real world in 2 years” STOP. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Don’t go to fucking grad school (I swear I will get to why. Just trust me on this one for right now)

If you decide you want to go to grad school for a legitimate reason (to build skills, to be more competitive/marketable in your field, to make a contribution to human knowledge, etc.) then make a plan for yourself with a timeline and at least 2 back up life plans from the start. That way you don’t get stuck in the way too common loop of having to take year after year of extensions to finish research/writing.

And 3, and most importantly: Grad school is the WORST THING for your mental health fucking EVER.

Okay, know that I say this as a grad student two times over and that I’m not saying this to discourage you, period. I’m just saying it before some asshole throws it at your face or before you’re met with a horrible revelation.

Multiple serious studies have been done on post-graduate students and they’ve found that grad students are something like 6 times more likely to have mental health issues than the gen. population.

that sounds very scary, and I can tell you right now that it is fucking terrifying and, having survived round 1 and currently surviving in round 2 of this bullshit, it is absolutely true. I have not met a single person (and I have a huge circle of postgrad folks in my life) who has not had mental health issues appear or become triggered or worsened by their second/third degrees.

But here’s what else I will say. It takes a certain type of person to excel academically in our insane school systems and that type of person is not exactly healthy to begin with. Academics and academically minded people are kind of perfectly wired to be susceptible to mental health problems. We just want to be the best (ever. always.); we are perfectionists, we have imposter syndrome (if you’re a human–those people who don’t have this are sociopaths and you need to avoid them as much as possible).

Most of us end up with some kind of anxiety or depression, straight up. Myself included. And it can get bad. I’m not even gonna joke about that.

So again. You have to be honest with yourself and think about your boundaries, your triggers, and what services and support you have at your disposal to make this shit happen anyways.

Because we all know you’re gonna do it anyways. It’s just a matter of getting a support system in place, getting meds when you need ‘em, getting help when you need it, and knowing your limits and how to manage your self-care and burnout.

So. This has been Grad School: Full Disclosure with Matt. I hope that you/someone gets some decent, honest advice out of that.

I know it’s a little scary, but I have to emphasize that the friends I made in grad school and the kind of thinking I am now capable of doing has literally changed my life for the better and I do not regret going to grad school despite all the shit. Have not ever, will not ever. 

I am a huge proponent of post-secondary edu and all I want in the world for you folks who want to do it is to help y’all do it without too much physical, mental, and financial strain on your persons, and that shit is doable so long as you go in with as much info and as practical expectations as possible.

Because that shit was absolutely worth it (to me). At the end of that road, there is nothing as amazing as looking at your degree and your thesis and your friends and skills and being proud as fuck because you fucking did that. You did. And you’re capable of so much more than you ever thought you were.

Anyways, you go Rachel. Show ‘em what’s what if that’s what makes you happy.

[catholicartistsnyc]

Meet: Emily Claire Schmitt

EMILY CLAIRE SCHMITT is a NYC-based playwright. (www.emilyclaireschmitt.com and Twitter: @Eclaire082)

CATHOLIC ARTIST CONNECTION (CAC): What brought you to NYC?

EMILY CLAIRE SCHMITT (ECS): I'm originally from Cincinnati, Ohio and I did my undergrad at Saint Mary's College in Indiana.  I always hoped to move to New York and I was fortunate that a few things fell into place for me when I graduated.  I was accepted into the New School for Drama's MFA program directly from undergrad.  I had applied to schools all over the country, and this happened to be both my top choice and only acceptance letter.  My college boyfriend's family is from Staten Island, so he moved back home and we were able to stay together.  Now that boyfriend is my husband, so I'm here to stay.

CAC: What do you see as your personal mission as a Catholic working in the arts?

ECS: First off, I love this question.  I think about this a lot, and I always try to pray a bit before I start writing, even if what I'm working on isn't an overtly religious piece.  I believe that God wants to be present with us as we grapple with the world and, while I don't let religious doctrines limit the content of my writing, my writing is always filtered through a worldview that God exists.  

A great deal of my art is critical of the institutional Church, but I'm still very insistent that I am a Catholic writer, as opposed to a formerly Catholic writer. There is a fundamental difference between someone who critiques from within and someone who has left the Church and is describing the experience that caused them to leave.  This distinction is supremely important to me.

I believe my vocation as a writer is to be a tool for God to express Themself in the world.  Sometimes this means representing the beauty of God's world, but more often than not it means shining light on that which is not in alignment with the Divine, whether within secular society or within the Church.  I hope that my work makes both religious and secular people uncomfortable.  I hope it makes them wonder what God thinks about them.

CAC: Where have you found support in the Church for your vocation as an artist?

ECS: I've been extremely fortunate to have made great connections with fellow Catholics in the arts.  I've worked with Xavier Theatre and Film, a Jesuit theater company, and they produced a showcase of my play "The Chalice" at the Stonewall Inn.  This was one of the highlights of my career thus far, an intersection of the Catholic and secular world that was truly fulfilling.

CAC: Where have you found support among your fellow artists for your Catholic faith?

ECS: It's a mixed bag.  Grad school was not a positive experience for me in terms of acceptance. After 16 years of Catholic education, I was suddenly in a secular world and I made a lot of mistakes in terms of how I presented myself.  I was wrestling with my faith privately, but fiercely defending it publicly, which is never a good tactic.  I didn't feel safe.  I no longer work with anyone from grad school, and that's best for all of us.

However, post graduation I have really found an artistic community with people of all faiths.  I have frequent collaborators who are non-Catholic Christians, members of other faiths, atheists, and agnostics.  I've found a particular home with The Skeleton Rep, a theater company that focuses on "building modern myth."  My religious beliefs really mesh with their interests, despite being a completely secular company.  I am currently developing a musical with them. 

CAC: How can the Church be more welcoming to artists?

ECS: Stop policing our content.  The vocation of an artist is to observe, critique, and respond.  It is not the vocation of the artist to simply listen and accept doctrine without question.  This means that there is an essential tension between the work of being an artist and the work of being a practicing Catholic.

As an artist, I don't have the luxury of keeping my disagreements with the Church private. I promise I'm listening and it's possible to change my mind. Please be patient with me.

CAC: How can the artistic world be more welcoming to artists of faith?

ECS: I think this is a difficult question because in most of the instances where people have been unwelcoming to me, it's because they have been hurt in some serious way by the Church.  It's taken me a long time to accept that, while I have not personally hurt them, I am part of an institution that has and it's not unreasonable for them to ask me to answer for that.

I try to be clear about my beliefs and about why I have chosen to remain in the Church.  I also try to articulate how I'm striving to make the Church better, while remaining firm in my support of Her.  I have to be both gentle and unafraid about how and why I disagree with the secular world as well.  Once again, I promise I'm listening and it's possible to change my mind.  Please be patient with me.

CAC: Where in NYC do you regularly find spiritual fulfillment?

ECS: I'm a bit of a parish hopper.  When I first came to NYC I fell in love with Saint Francis Xavier, near Union Square.  Their Young Adults Group was a great community for me, but after moving to Brooklyn and back I'm not as involved as I once was.  I've become more interested in traditional, more formal, liturgies. Saint Joseph of Yorkville is a beautiful neighborhood parish that has a highly reverent modern mass.  There are so many families with children there, it gives me great hope.  And the pastor is the man who reported on McCarrick so that's no small thing.... I like a priest I can respect, for obvious reasons.

When I'm feeling in particular need of deep ritual, I do love a Latin Mass. Saint Agnes by Grand Central is a great place to go for that. 

CAC: Where in NYC do you regularly find artistic fulfillment?

ECS: I already mentioned The Skeleton Rep, but one thing they do which I love are monthly artist salons.  Artists will get together, drink wine, and read new work, either a full play or short plays based on a prompt.  There is no formal feedback, just a chance for the writer to hear her play.  And afterwards we have a party.

CAC: How have you found or built community as a Catholic artist living in NYC?

ECS: Connecting with Brother Joe Hoover at Xavier Theater has really connected me with a great community of Catholic artists.  He has a way of making connections and bringing together a dynamic and diverse group of people with a huge variety of perspectives on the faith.  If you ever get the chance to work with them I highly recommend it.  Joe is a fantastic playwright and actor in his own right.

CAC: What is your daily spiritual practice?

ECS: I wish I had a better one...  I pray every day before I write.  My husband and I pray together before meals.  Recently, we've been doing a daily reflection before bed.  It's just one of those Little Blue Books you pick up from your parish during Advent, but it's been great.

CAC: What is your daily artistic practice? And what are your recommendations to other artists for practicing their craft daily?

ECS: I try to write for an hour every morning after working out and before leaving for work. This is really my sacred time: after my husband leaves, freshly showered, and place to myself.  It's short but it's extremely important.  And I can't stress enough the value of praying before you write. 

CAC: Describe a recent day in which you were most completely living out your vocation as an artist. What happened, and what brought you the most joy?

ECS: The most recent Skeleton Rep salon was on New Year's Eve.  I wrote a short piece for the event which spoke of my Catholic faith and it's relationship to the mission of the company.  Afterwards, another artist present pulled me aside to talk about how he is a Catholic as well but had stopped going to Church.  He was interested in going back, so we spent a long time talking about why I felt it was important for young Catholic artists to be in the faith and engage with it from the inside.  The whole conversation was so fulfilling for me. 

CAC: You actually live in NYC? How!?

ECS: I need to be completely up front and say that I have been incredibly privileged in terms of financial support from my family.  This is something we do not talk about enough in the arts.  My parents paid my rent and my tuition while I was in school and I am debt-free.  I'm also married to someone with a traditional career who contributes the majority of our income.  I am so incredibly fortunate it's not even funny.  

CAC: But seriously, how do you make a living in NYC?

ECS: Even with the financial support, I do have a full-time day job.  I don't know how anyone would make rent or buy groceries without one.  I work in social media marketing, which is great because it's mostly all remote.  I've also been nannying for my cousin's baby so making that sweet side cash.

It's a lot of work, and keeping my passion afloat on top if it, and making sure it remains my focus rather than just a "hobby" is a constant battle.

CAC: How much would you suggest artists moving to NYC budget for their first year?

ECS: I can't give a great answer to this, because it's so varied and I was in school when I started.  But consider that your monthly rent is likely to be over 1K no matter where you live.

CAC: What other practical resources would you recommend to a Catholic artist living in NYC?

ECS: I can't recommend enough reaching out to Xavier Theater for professional connections.  In terms of headshots, Joe Loper is a former classmate of mine who does a great job and is very reasonable. http://joeloper.com/

CAC: What are your top 3 pieces of advice for Catholic artists moving to NYC?

ECS: 1.) Don't rush finding your people.  It's a big city and it takes time.

2.) Exercise.

3.) Go to confession.  Why make art with sin on your soul?

[pbandjesse]

I love my scarf so much. I did not actually wear it outside at the house. I wear a jacket. But I've had that scarf on pretty much all day. It is the best scarf even if it sheds a lot.

Today was a good day I did not accomplish everything I wanted to accomplish but I did a lot. I slept really well last night. Had very bizarre dreams. But I got up and felt good. I woke up and had biscuits for breakfast. Got dressed and walk to the grocery store. I brought my grandma card and bought lots of food for the week. I am trying to eat at home more this week. Especially since my hours are very weird. I wandered around for a bit and then went home. I am packed everything and then I had it over to Eddie's to get a couple things I can't get at streets Market. I biked over to Eddie's though and was only there for a couple minutes. I still need to get milk and I'll probably have to get eggs at some point but for now it's fine. I used my heart boiled egg cooker to while I was gone and didn't check the eggs but I'm assuming they're okay. I'm very excited about my hard-boiled egg maker though and I really hope that I can figure out the best time frame to leave them in there to cook.

Once I got everything unpacked I made lunch. I rested for a little while and made some plans. And then I headed out to go catch the bus. I left a little bit earlier than I really need to because I wanted to get the earlier bus just in case. I think I am going to be able to get away with getting the 12:30 bus. But just so that I get used to when I'm getting off going 20 minutes early. It's nice that that bus runs so often though.

It was nice and sunny out. There's a chill in the air but I was never uncomfortable or anything. In either direction. Hot or cold. I had a nice talk with an old man at the bus stop. And then the bus came. And it was a nice ride. It's like a 25-minute ride and it's very comfortable. I got up to Wildwood and like I said I was like a half an hour early. So I walked around the neighborhood.

The neighborhood very much reminds me of Mayfair in Philadelphia. It's mostly row houses with little front yards. Lot of Old Stone. In the direct neighborhood it's all houses in churches. There's not even a corner store. I think maybe at some point I'll try to wander out a little bit farther and see if there's somewhere to eat. Now that I really plan on it but just in case something happens and I have to get something close by.

When I got there Fitsum was already there and said that Tiffany wasn't in yet. So we sat in the waiting room and talked. We accidentally both were wearing the same outfit. Well not exactly. We're both wearing brown jackets and are in shirts. And I made us laugh. It seems like we are going to be together but it's still unclear at this point. I hope we do though because he's a sweetheart. Tiffany came and found us because it turned out she was there. But it was no big deal. We went back to your office and did a bunch of paperwork. Went through how are lesson plan is going to work. And I feel so excited about it. I was pretty nervous at first but now that all my questions are answered I'm like excited. And I have so many ideas. I've written 8 months of vague themes and topics in my tablet. I think I'm just going to keep everything on my Google Drive since now I paid for it for the year anyway. I was considering getting a Chromebook since I'm going to have to be doing a lot of writing. But instead since my tablet doesn't work very well I just decided to buy a Bluetooth keyboard for it. So that should be here on Thursday. And then I can actually do my lesson plans for real. I feel very excited.

We just did a lot of going through packets and making sure all of our paperwork was good and it was just nice to be able to honestly answer questions and not have to feel silly for wanting clarity. I got my direct deposit setup and we have to take 15 hours of professional development courses over the school year. And so she help me setup my account for that. And I was able to get into the CPR first aid training class on Friday morning. So I get my first three hours of PD in and I'm excited to have that certificate my record. Even though it was a little bit of a hassle trying to figure out how to make an account for some reason. They make it like all secret like.

After we finished all of her paperwork and spent a lot of time discussing how things go. We did another walk around the building. This time we actually got to meet the other teachers that we may be working with or will be the team with the 5th graders. They were both really nice and I would be equally as excited to work with them. I think it might be nice though to have a blank slate with the new class with fitsum and there won't be a weird power Dynamic there. Of having a current teacher and a new teacher. But regardless the students were there too. They were all so sweet. They liked my jacket and they asked me if I could teach him how to sew and they asked me about other different projects that they were interested in doing. And it was just so cool they were so engaged and so sweet. I'm really excited to get to work with them. There was a couple big personalities but in the best ways. I'm very excited for this opportunity. I really think that this is going to be the exact thing I've been looking for. The rest of my jobs and lives are going to have to sort themselves out. Maybe I'll slow down my work at the BMI and take my mornings for myself. Or maybe I won't and maybe I'll still do exactly what I'm doing now. I just don't want to burn out. I want to really enjoy being able to teach and museums and do all the things that I do. But today really made me excited for going forward.

Fitsum was nice enough to give me a ride again. I'm going to have to figure out a way to tell him I will give him money. Because him giving me a ride back is saving me like $16 every time. It's like even if I throw him like 20 bucks a week or something. It would be worth it to me. You also just lose them walking into my apartment though so I think he just it is being kind and just giving you rides. But I don't want to take advantage he's so nice. I really just hope that we become friends too cuz I think he's a really cool guy. He was telling me some about working in Ethiopia and the culture there. And I'm curious to learn more.

Once I got home I have kind of a going back and forth doing things all night. I watched the new Shane Dawson documentary series. And I ate snacks. I've been eating snacks all night. I work in my studio for a while. I played with the new Furbys. They both had some corrosion inside of them from their batteries leaking so I had to clean that up with vinegar. But they're both working just fine and they were chatting with each other. They do make that high-pitched screeching sound that I read about. So I may take them apart and disconnect the wires. Honestly I might disconnect all of their speaking wires because I'm not super a fan of their voices. But I still think they're very cute. I like the way that they move they're very active. So I think painting with them is going to be really interesting.

I talked to James for a little while he's at his apartment having a D&D night. I think I just have too much social anxiety to participate. I told him I would be a guest are at some point but I just don't know if I could play with them and feel comfortable enough to do it. But we'll see I don't know. I like doing it one on one with James that one time though I hope we can do that again cuz I did enjoy that.

I did fall down the stairs. I hurt my hand a little bit but I'm okay. I mostly just scared me. I took a shower and wash my hair. And it's just chilling at my apartment and I'm wearing Chenille socks and leggings and I feel very cozy. I think I'm going to switch my stuff for work into my new work tote bag. That I have gotten from my causebox. It's such a pretty bag and I think it's going to be perfect for carrying all my papers and things. And it stands so I feel like if it gets paint on it and stuff it'll be cool. I think now though I'm going to start winding down for bed. I have to wake up early tomorrow and try to get some more done. And then I have to go over to Northern Parkway to get my fingerprints done for the city to get an ID and a background check. And then I have to go to Wildwood at 12:30 for staff meeting. I'm very excited for that I think it's going to be very fun. I'm excited too more formally meet everyone. So I hope it's just another really nice day. I hope you guys all have a great night and sleep well. Be safe out there. Be kind

[thatmediocrestreamer]

Another year almost gone, let's look back!

Welp, another year has gone by in this mortal coil, and I feel as though I've come a long way forward and gone a long way back in the process this year. There are many things I COULD write about on this blog, but for want of not rambling like a loon, I'll attempt this brief sentences thing like on twatter.

Part 1:New year. New girlfriend. New job. New hope? No hope.

Well, first things first, as I rang in 2018, I was seeing a girl who lived a hundred and odd miles up north, in a little town called Blackpool, a seaside town that up to then, I'd loved visiting.

Isn't it sad when people show true colours?

I learned very quickly at the start of 2018 that it only takes a short time for someone to demonstrate what they can truly be like, and the moment I did, boy did things take a sudden nose-dive from there.

The great Christmas bitch-fest of 2017

I'd agreed to spend Christmas of 2017 in Blackpool with the ex and her daughter. That was mistake number one. I'll never abandon family again, especially not when this year, my mum sadly suffered a stroke while I was in Blackpool, leading me to basically feel as though I didn't want to be there at all. The ex actually helped me feel at ease about it all, and comforted me in my time of need, ostensibly reassuring me it'd all be okay, and to her credit, it mostly was.

The wicked psycho witch of the North West.

The now-ex girlfriend from Blackpool was absolutely lovely as a person, right up until her mother came on to the scene.

Now, this was one hella poisonous witch of a woman. One who basically told me that because MY OWN DAUGHTER lives with my ex, her birth mother (a normal thing, no?) that I was not allowed to send her birthday and Christmas money, despite the two falling in a week of one another, purely on the grounds of dating someone else. I’m selfish and unfair for doing that, apparently. This coming from a psychopathic apparent psychologist who’s only marketable skill is causing total ructions with anyone she meets. So that, right there, landed strike one for Team Blackpool.

Apparently, I'm controlling, abusive and manipulative, don't you know?

The next mental alarm bell was set off in the form of me being branded controlling, just for helping said ex, who is rather short in stature, to rearrange her kitchen cupboards so things she needed most frequently were more easily accessible. Again, a perfectly reasonable thing to do, help out someone you care for, you'd think? BUT NO! I got branded as a control freak for this simple gesture of kindness.

So, we're two months in, and it's already two strikes for Team Blackpool, But the best is saved for last.

Christmas at Ground Zero.

The final malaise is more a three-part saga than a termination of ways. So, best to Buckle up.

The Google Home Sex- shopping list Saga

First in the trio of amusing things that led to the breakdown of me and the ex, was her receipt of a Google Home Mini for Christmas. (I'm gonna assume that, because you're on a Tumblr blog, you know what a Google Home is.) So anyway, it's Christmas day, her mum had come round to deliver some of the presents before going home and returning later to do dinner (the one nice thing she actually did the whole time I was there.) The ex had become fixated by the fact she'd received this Google Home Mini, and so we tested it's capabilities to the absolute max, even Going as far as to add sex- toys to a shopping list, along with concrete shoes and other amusing items, just because we both had a sick sense of humour.

Her mum came back and she was literally having not a single bit of it. This resulted in ANOTHER argument over the Christmas dinner table, again instigated by her mum, and again, totally uncalled for. So I proceed to lock myself in the ex's room, playing GTA the rest of Xmas day, to make sure I didn't have to deal with any more of it.

The intervention I neither needed, wanted or asked for.

So, it's Boxing day, a time for happiness, being thankful and general good cheer, but not in that household. So, because I'd decided that the best option to alleviate issues and discourse was to stay in the ex's bedroom on the PlayStation, a strategy that had mostly worked until that point. But not that evening. Her mum decided that the best way to make things better was by inviting her friends round and literally picking me apart downstairs while I listened. She made a passing comment about "he needs to get off his fucking arse and stop playing the computer games and get a job if he wants to support my daughter and my granddaughter." Of course I had none of that, and proceeded to sit at the top of the stairs listening, not appreciating being critiqued by someone who literally knew nothing about me. Then a full blown ruckus ensued downstairs where they demanded I come down before I got dragged down, and had police and my ex's dad threatened on me if I didnt. But what use was it? She wouldn't listen to a single word I said, and even went as far as saying that I ruined HER Christmas! Bitch please, what about mine huh?

The secret friend turned best mate, and the parting of ways.

Before the Christmas period, I had become friendly with a girl called Jen, who, to her credit has now become one of my best friends, and one of my other best friends lives with her as a partner (GG ReaverAF.) All too often though, people have mistaken my kindness for me being flirtatious. To that end, I can sort of see what the ex's point was, as I had asked Jen a few questions about if someone were to take her on a date, what would it be and why? Yeah that could be misconstrued as flirting to the wrong eyes, but nonetheless, that's irrelevant in a way to whats to come.

Things were at this point, not good with me and the ex, with her mum's attitude towards me, and the ex herself being in possession of a selfishness so strong it puts most self-absorbed narcissists to shame (not going into the whys though.) The final nail in Blackpool's coffin came in the form of the ex's overwhelming paranoia about what me and Jen had been discussing, so she waited until I was asleep and physically went through my phone to see it for herself. She found almost nothing of an overly incriminating nature, however still used this as fuel for blabbing to a lot of people, and alongside this, proceeding to wake me up from my reverie the morning I was due to return home to Nottingham, to have a FULL BLOWN argument about it all in front of a TWO YEAR OLD CHILD. As someone with children of my own, however, I was having literally not a peep of it, and so proceeded to pack my belongings, book a taxi and get out of there, not ever looking back on Blackpool again.

Two good things came out of Blackpool though, I gained two friends for life In John and Jen, and I also came away from there having been given a job by John!

Part 2 next week. :)