#and next week he’s having surgery
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At this point with possibly doing anything later besides just playing easy content video game stuff, it won’t be based on if I’m tired, but if I’m in pain or not.
#second time where holy shit that fucking hurt#like really really bad#and I’ve got numbing stuff and have a few more hours for painkillers#but like literally my dentist is only in once a week#and next week he’s having surgery#so unless idk I can do something for at least the pain#than I’m gonna be in pain for minimum two weeks 🙃#unless idk#des says stuff
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my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me
#“no need for follow up”#“yeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your#ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it#*doctor shrug emoji* “#“go see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lol”#he barely even looked at my incision like#this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask#if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had#fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your#fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser 🤣 we arent helping your#swagless ass!!!#anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my#abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of#gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up#for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how#hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know#how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy#am i crazy???#this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other#organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it#get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to#get medical treatment.#anyway he said my “remaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.”#bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you.#like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously.#but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess.#its fine 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬
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mini life update in the tags bc i need somewhere 2 rant < 3
#u can ignore but!#in the process of secretly prepping to cut my mum off bc shes got total financial control over me (im 26)#i got a lot of money when i was 18 from an accident n shes basically in control of my assets bc she made it that wah#*way#if that makes sense#like i can only access my money if i go to the bank with her. she lives in a house i boyght her free of charge#sje bullied me into biying another house in wales so she can rent it out as a holidah home n use it as a free holiday spot n said i would#get an income from it but shes given me nothing in the 4/5 yrs weve had it#she put her name on the deeds to all my assets#so i have money but it is inaccessible#i need some bc i need to fund my phd next year but sje wont help me#anyways! thats lowkey besides the point#my dads got a brain tumor n my mum doesnt know i still see my dad bc she thinks i havent spoke to him since je left like 3 yrs ago#but i helped hjm leave bc she was abusing him n had been since i was like 9#n now im stressed out bc my dads not well and i feel like um running out of time with him#but hes in the hospital at the minute after having a siezure a few weeks after his brain surgery#so ive visited him like 3 days in a row n he remarried this year and my stepmum/sisters are so nice#its like having a real family#and it makes me feel guilty yo say that abt my mum n sister#like the guilt of havi g a bad parent is so real tonight fellas im just gonna sit n cry for a few dags#tbd.#if u read this far i love u .. whats hr zodiac#but yeah! this is why im so inactive#n bc im doi g my masters degree but . that pales in comparison rn
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help I can't stop thinking about furniture. it's keeping me from thinking about the other way more important things I need to be thinking about (Jenkins, Dan Fielding, etc.)
#I could have just said John Larroquette but. I didn't#but anyway kitchens are expensive furniture is expensive paint is expensive#if we were rich I would be having the best time of my life. I'd love moving to a new place.#I'm having the best time playing with my 3d model of the apartment like it's a doll house#BUT actually buying things in real life is hell and it makes me so sad#god. imagine all the furniture I could assemble if I had money... sigh#trying to think about my guys to fall asleep but the furniture won't let me. ugh. I love furniture so much.#I know we're going to ikea next week and it's so bad how stupidly excited I am about it#ikea was probably my first hyperfixation as a kid and I haven't liked anything else for this long (it's been like. 27 years lol)#I cannot be normal about it#I will get to build shelves. and put things in shelves. organise things. build our wardrobe (for the third time in three years)#whenever we buy the kitchen I'll get to build most of that and then organise it too#I'm soooo excited!! and this time I'm only like... slightly chronically ill! and I won't have two surgeries right after we move (I hope....)#so maybe I'll have enough energy that it won't be awful this time!#anyway#need to sleep it's 6:30 and I'm so tired but my brain won't shut up#also my cat. he is yelling at me. I don't know what he's trying to say but he's very upset apparently#personal
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finished my crochet cup holder and sewed up lunas ears, head and sewed them together and have started on crocheting a cactus which is pretty damn good considering i spent nearly all of saturday sleeping to recover from work and the family emergency happening rn
#im okay my grandad is being taken to hospital rn#theyve been working on his heart (hes had a triple bypass and a stent that failed ((think the surgery was botched)) but yeah doctors keeping#and eye on him and found his heart tried to fail twice this week and only the meds stopped it) so hes being taken the the hospital#they live on the other island so my uncle is driving 2 hrs in to look after my grandmother (who is who i actually assumed was sick when the#call came through because shes got a whole heap of problems like alzheimers and parkinsons)#but yeah my dad is gonna have to organize a flight down and i know that despite being short of breath my grandad was able#to give dad a call and let him know what was happening so hes not in a really bad state#but. yeah this is stressful! stressful thing to happen on whats supposed to be a holiday and i hope he just needs to stay overnight#because im coming down next month and i want him to be there. i want to see him. i want to see both of them and sleep in the side room#in the spare bed thats tucked just the way my grandma makes it#and have mashed potatoes and play board games and just. be around them#i know they dont have long left and i havent had to grieve a family member in my life before#i want them around just a bit more. just a little longer
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...the mental image of Jinx just--randomly braiding Sonya's hair pleases me. It's a well-needed distraction.
#; thaly is a dork 2024#I'm more than a little stressed at the moment.#Crowley's gonna have to go in for surgery next week.#His neuter's gonna also have to correct some urinary issues.#He's energetic and eating and doing everything he should.#But I'm still worrying about it.
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I know I’m not organizing anything with my uncle but I’m watching my mum actively try and talk herself out of going and justifying excuses and I’m like mum let’s just go and spend an hour with your brother who you have a good if distant relationship with on Christmas 😭
#like?? current hailstorm warning yeah let’s wait a bit longer so the cars stay in garages not parked out on driveways in the storm#but ‘it’s going to rain for the next hour better stay home’ ????#especially when SHE was the one talking about how she thinks he’s having a hard time bc he’s normally super active#and is currently temporarily disabled with a broken leg/hip and recovering from surgery+ the injury like…not even 2 weeks ago 😭
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me like four days ago to an old friend who msged me to reconnect: "yeah no i think things are settling down maybe after this last month of actual hell"
today: mother's medical situation has been handed a kablooey and the next few months are going to be Even Harder
#she is getting a biopsy tomorrow. and um. medications are being fucked with to drastic degrees#and we're going to have to wait several months for surgery when she was supposed to originally get it next month#fucking hell i am so incredibly stressed fjjfkdl i dont want this to be happening at all#i am the caregiver who is in charge of making sure she's conscious and okay at all times when dad's not available#i.e. he is at work or sleeping (shift worker)#and then bc of this im also on 911 calling duty if she ever does have smth happen#which isnt entirely out of the question. augh.#its uhm. a rly fucked thing to have to be the caregiver for ur abuser. im not doing very well tbh fjdkdl#this is also why hiatus is happening rn dhdksl things are so incredibly nightmarish rn#idk how im doing as well as i am <- is incredibly out of touch w reality and dissociating to dangerous degrees#idk!! i am frightened and exhausted and i just am begging whatever higher power may exist to let this be over one way or another honestly#get me out or get me gone or do smth to another of the chess pieces in this game so it can all finally stop#i need to go do 1k more words before bed tonight if i want to keep on track w november writign month#but i also desperately am needing to do my nightly drawing+decompressing fbfjdkdl so idk what to do its already 9pm augh augh#luckily i have dbt tomorrow so i will get to See real live ppl again tomorrow#its been a week since i talked to or have seen anyone outside of family face to face fbkfdl#god i am so fucked fjkfdl this is so so so bad and i cannot do anything abt any of it#i rly fucking wish dbt was helpful for ongoing situations but it seems like its only for short term bad times fjfjdldl#im so gjfkdld this is so fucked and i am aaaaaaaaa#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#vent tw
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life is really so good when it isnt so bad, huh
#about to be fucking zooted on painkillers (good) but have to deal with getting a [redacted] cut out of my [redacted] (bad)#BUT. i will have a new laptop this afternoon and will be able to put mods in my silly little game (both good)#and one of my little cats has figured out that i'm Not Doing Well so he's been attached to my hip for the last few days (also good)#yes there are the horrors (surgery that has led to more surgery which will be leading to more tests in the next few weeks)#but there's also everything else :)#atxt
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my poor baby charlie got some vaccines yesterday and apparently he freaked out when the needle when in and jerked away and now he’s in so much pain today 🥺 i feel so bad for him
#and they have to do a blood draw on monday and then he’s got his dental surgery wednesday#poor guy next week is gonna be rough for him#i hate it so much when he’s in pain
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lowkey have to explain to my dad today that i’m having a leg amputated in less than a month and i’m (::: scared!
#i hope he doesn't take it too badly and respects my decision bc i really don't feel like it's my job to comfort him about MY leg#autumn keeps tellling me that none of that is my job and that if he has burning questions he can google them#and i know she's right but god damn is it hard to set a boundary like that#this whole situation is so complicated and i honestly thought i'd have more time to tell him but. shit kept popping up#i decided this months ago but i just never said anything bc i was afraid of the reaction i'd elicit#so !!! wish me luck yall#also the fact that it's in less than a month (tentatively) is blowing MY mind#like im getting a new cat next wednesday and after like#2.5 weeks he'll have to be settled enough for me to go have surgery out of town for 5 days#that's fucking scary bro#chatter#round 2
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lol hospital did nothing. dunno what else I was expecting
#keep going to physio for the next year and a half and it might start to feel better is what i was told#:^)#i just. yeah. i really dont know what i was expecting#bf and dad insisted i go but i knew damn well they wouldnt do anything. this is the ER that has let my bf almost die twice now 🥲#like im not exaggerating when he did finally get treated both times they told him if he had waited another day or another week#that he would have died. TWICE !!!!!#same hosptial that told a friend of a friend to drive herself to the nearest better hospital instead of offering an ambulance ride#while she was actively bleeding out from surgery complications#like godddddd. i wanna move away from this shithole town before they literally kill me
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Oh my heckin’ heck
if it’s not one thing it’s another, amirite?
“They say life is just one damn thing after another. I’ve not found that to be true. The damn things overlap.”
#delete later#i just need to get a bit off my chest and then i'll delete this after an hour or two#once its made its way through the void#sister-in-law AND brother-in-law were both in the ER yesterday#one had emergency surgery#our nephew had to have tonsil surgery today and he's like 2#my aunt's roommate (who is like another aunt to me)'s brother has to have surgery today on his foot#our upstairs neighbors (my husband's best high school friends) are getting divorced#and to top it all off#I'M on my period and not emotionally stable enough for some of this rn#could some of this have waited until next week#please?#*runs from my problems by writing birthday one-shots for some friends*
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.
#{ hiiii i'm alive#just dealing with vet stuff this week#i took my dog to get his vaccines in like october and they didn’t tell me that#he needed boosters for a few of them#so at our neutering consult#they mentioned that he has to start that round of vaccinations all over again#so we have like 3 more vet visits this month 🙃#but it's okay because we finally have a surgery date!!#my little man is getting castrated next week yaaay >:)#if only it were joe tho lmao }
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started slouching over in pain + hitting release trigger too early . my gums are literally bleeding
#i am sooo weak compared to most other archers omg . like i actually fr need to get stronger this is an issue#our lightest compound is heavier than our lightest recurve but its still Really Light#and my arms were so tired and in sm pain that i ended up like. involuntarily keeling over and then i hit release too early causing the#string to snap back . and my hand hit my jaw so hard mein gott. anyway my coach was like. this is not how u build stamina#its not supposed to hurt etc and he said hes literally going to surgery next week bc his coach taught him wrong when he was young#had to stop shooting half an hr early . anyway#literally my last day before i leave back to my parents place#and then ill have a flight. i got told to put down a deposit and take out a bow but i literally#would be signing my money away like i am not abt to take a BOW with ARROWS to iran
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btw it's like 1:30 am here but shout out to the commissioners who want to support me, and are extremely patient with me cause of my situation and apparent injury, y'all are MVPs thanks for hanging in there knowing it may be a while
#shosh#i learned to stress myself out less#and to everyone who allows me that time when i realize i may need to im greatful for#to accept the time you are given so no one feels guilty is something that i'm working on#the worst feeling as a commissioner who just wants so support is knowing the artist is stressing about it.#i don't wanna do that to y'all#i need to learn how to take things at a healthy pace and srsly thanks for allowing me to do so#also as an update for those who didn't get it on my trash main#i SOMEHOW managed to convince my mom to look into family therapy...if i made one mistake on that delivery it would have failed#thank goodness. but that doesn't mean the end of course cause my dad#had his first major surgery and is still recovering. he's gonna get the next next week#it's the radiation i'm scared of tbh. My mom cannot handle stress well#so like....yeah. If my dad ever shows signs of weakness that's what i'm scared of cause that's when she just pops off#either way i kinda have to stay here to support my mom i'm the only other adult that can drive#so e. But i still need the support for an emergency situation because i'm on duty#cause well. it happened#and if something like that happens again i need to be ready 😭#btw yes i promise it's used for emergency backup#i immediately put 90% of that shit into my savings asap
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