#especially when SHE was the one talking about how she thinks he’s having a hard time bc he’s normally super active

[aeternallis]

Colin's "entrapment" line was hard to listen to, but it was most definitely a sign of how unhinged he really is for Penelope.

Ok but for reals, I'm not sure how everyone else reacted when Colin said his now infamous "entrapment" line, but I just love how if one looks at this line a little more closely, it was definitely some semblance of an underhanded (and also a bit silly, lol) attempt to actually keep Penelope entrapped. Haha, the irony of it all. Idk, at least that was my read on it!

Like, it was definitely said in anger as well; he's hurting, and he’s hurting badly, so of course he wants to hit back in some way, however he can. Luke Newton absolutely meant it when he said that Colin reacts to the reveal in the worst way possible, alas.

My very first reaction to that scene: //pauses the screen to yell at Colin at 4am in the morning, “Entrapment????! If you feel trapped, then why the hell are you still going along with it, ya dumb ass!!!

Because really, think about it: Colin was definitely within his rights to call off the wedding, especially when he'd mentioned that Violet had noticed that he and Penelope had not seen each other for some time. It would have been the perfect time to reveal Penelope's secret to his mother, if indeed he felt entrapped by the LW of it all. Violet is family; if he wanted to still protect Penelope but no longer wanted to marry her, he would have been able to count on Violet's discretion. I'm sure she and Lady Danbury would have come up with some sort of plan to deal with the aftermath regarding the Bridgertons’ reputation, as we'd seen with Anthony and Edwina's botched wedding.

Furthermore, it would have probably been the better option to reveal it to her, since the existence of LW does put his family in danger; Penelope herself knows this. Every decision she makes post-LW reveal to Colin is due to the Bridgertons being in danger. Lady Danbury makes a point of this when she said in the last episode, “There is only one other person who loves the Bridgertons more than I.”

Eloise was able to keep the secret with no real consequences because although Penelope was her ex-bff, El still loves her, and besides that, nothing legal binds them as Colin's marriage to Penelope would.

Even when he was getting ready to talk to Benedict about getting funds to fulfill Cressida’s demands, he insisted on making up a lie to shield Penelope’s identity as LW. He knows more than anything that fulfilling a demand like this, all for the sake of his wife and at the cost of using a substantial amount of Bridgertons’ financial assets, may not put his marriage in the best light within his family. He doesn’t want to be forced to have to choose between his wife and his family, so he’s keen on keeping the lie going.

So for all intents and purposes, he doesn't tell his mother, or any of his other siblings (besides Eloise, who already knew); this in and of itself is hella fucking risky. The fact that Colin is willing to take this risk of withholding Penelope's secret identity from his family, the fact that he doesn't think to jeopardize this potentially risky betrothal—already goes to show the measure in regards to how much he wants Pen for his wife. We the audience know this because he waits until the very last minute to tell Violet, and even then, it's not Colin who chose to reveal it to her, but Penelope herself.

Another point: arguably, we can also say that Colin has a lot more wiggle room with his engagement to Penelope to call off the wedding, much more than he ever did with his engagement to Marina.

"A man of honor"? Exactly what "honor" are we talking about here? Colin claimed that he would have married Marina had she just told him the truth, yet when push came to shove and the truth of her pregnancy was revealed for all the world to know, he still chose to take the out Penelope gave him through LW. It’s easier to make a declaration like that when it’s all said and done. Lol Sure, he regretted it and apologized for his behavior later on, but he had made his choice regardless. Y’all can just feel Marina and Lady Danbury judging this dumb ass (affectionate) for dwelling in the past. Silly young man! XD What's stopping him this time around?

"We had been...intimate." Are you talking about the mirror scene, sir? Because let me assure you, you and Penelope have long been "intimate" way before you decided to buy a love nest and take her V-card the very next day you proposed to her. In fact, this is where the significance of their first kiss in 3.02 rings so, SO importantly and WHY it was vital that it was Penelope who asked and said that it would not have to mean anything. Colin knows Penelope would never use their first time together and/or the heated moment in the carriage as a way to entrap him. That first kiss alone should have already warranted that they get married, but Penelope makes it clear that it’s simply a favor, nothing more.

Oddly enough, I’m surprised Colin doesn’t bring up the idea of a long engagement (yknow, as he initially wanted with Marina, but who’s keeping track at this point), considering that would have potentially benefitted their situation. 🤔 His dumb ass (affectionate) was more than willing to stick to the wedding schedule…huh.

Besides all that, I don’t think it’s the showrunners’ intent to “taint” those special moments between them by changing the context through Colin’s (very biased) POV; to believe that to be the case would be, imo, just a bad faith argument. The genre is romance, y’all; these intimacy scenes are on an entirely different pedestal.

Because remember, that “entrapment” line of Colin’s only came about due to Penelope starting the conversation with, “Are you going to call off the wedding?”

Didn’t it almost seem like an afterthought, that he just came up with it on the spot? Hahaha.

I can bet y’all Cressida’s fake ass €20,000 blackmail money that before they’d met up to discuss wedding breakfast plans with their mamas, it had probably never even occurred to Colin to cancel their wedding. Angry and furious as he was, it was never a question of whether or not he still wanted Penelope for a wife.

The fact that it’s Penelope who begins that conversation and opens that Pandora’s box possibility is so, so damn important. Because not only does it show how much Penelope truly loves him in that she would never trap him, it also shows her maturity, in that she’s willing to face the consequences of her actions. She’s willing to give Colin the choice to back out, heartbreaking as it would be to face it, even if she herself would not be the one to pursue that choice.

She gives him the choice a good number of times: the wedding breakfast plan scene, the wedding day itself when she hesitates on the aisle, and the annulment offer after the butterfly scene.

Penelope defends herself softly, but truthfully: she never meant to entrap him, because she really didn’t. And Colin knows this; he would not still love her and want her if he honestly believed she wanted to entrap him. Hell, even if she did, the audience knows it’s a desire that comes from a good place: she loves him, so of course she doesn’t want to lose him. She wants to marry him, because she loves him. That’s all there is to it.

But despite knowing this (imo, anyway), we can also say that this conversation may have contributed to Colin’s downward spiral during the majority of episode 7 and 8, and why he becomes hella fucking desperate to be “useful” to her.

Because unlike himself, Penelope has now begun to entertain the idea of living a life that doesn’t include him—at least, not as her husband. Penelope is brave and strong enough to let him go due to the pain she caused him for her lies and her actions as LW, and as for Colin…well…

(I love it, it’s the same conundrum that Anthony faced in S2: Kate is strong enough to leave him behind and return to India, but Anthony…well…)

TL;DR, Colin’s entrapment line was literally an excuse he gave himself to keep his betrothal to Penelope intact. It’s a line that works in two ways simultaneously: it’s a painful, childish, underhanded thing to say in order to hurt Penelope’s feelings, to get back at her for the anguish he’s suffered. Yet at the same time, it’s also another excuse he gives himself in order to push through with the marriage, to tie Penelope to himself forever.

Because unlike Penelope, the very idea of living without her as his wife, of not having her in his life, is and always will be an impossible notion for Colin to ever entertain.

[prettycottonmouthlamia]

Actually this is a bug bear but I find the complaints about the Kal'tsit yapping to be missing the point extremely. When I see those I think about hbomberguy's Dark Souls 2 video and the brief tangent where he talks about the expectation for "efficient storytelling", and how it doesn't really matter if Kal'tsit's style of speech is meant to convey anything, she takes too long and says too many hard words.

But that's the point. Kal'tsit, especially when she is introduced, is a very mysterious figure who is clearly really important at Rhodes Island despite her nominal position as a member of the Medical Department. She plans strategies for Rhodes Island operations, she's been all over the world and has seen events you'd only find in the history books, and for a very long time there was only speculation that Kal'tsit was really old.

Talking to Kal'tsit is supposed to feel weird. She could make the effort to be more direct and approach where the Doctor needs to be at, but she doesn't! She hates us! She's still struggling with the fact that we killed Theresa and she now has to deal with us having no memories of much of anything. She can't kill us off because she knows that Rhodes Island would benefit from the Doctor's knowledge of Originium and tactical ability, and because she grows to learn that the Doctor is moving forward with being a new person.

So she makes it hard on us. She makes it clear as she talks to us that she is looking down on us. She is talking about concepts that are difficult to understand to parse, that maybe wouldn't be if we still had all of our memories back. She talks with the wisdom of someone who has been alive for over two thousand years, but also with the expectation that we need to just immediately get on her level. Giving us the information directly is going to help us and she's still kind of pissed. If you listen to her conversation with W in Chapter 13, she's a lot more direct with her intention and her word choice. She needs W to understand what the fuck she is talking about as quickly as possible. But the Doctor can struggle a little bit.

And, obviously, it's not just for this reason. The point of how Kal'tsit talks is to make her seem very odd compared to the rest of the cast. Dobermann speaks very harshly because the writers wanted her to sound like she came from the military, for a similar example. Kal'tsit talks at length, uses difficult to understand language, and often is quite indirect because its meant to enhance that mystery. People for years were dying to know what exactly was going on with Kal'tsit, and the way she speaks is absolutely part of that. She's an outlier in the cast for many reasons, and how she speaks is one of those.

So I find the criticism to be, frankly, awfully juvenile. It's not a bug, it's not the result of poor impulse control on the part of the writers. It serves a very obvious use.

[spinjitsuburst]

I just saw that art u rbed to here from ur main and like while its an amazing peice of art its in own right MY EYES ZOOMED ONTO ONE ARMED LLOYD im so curious where that hc comes from if u wanna ramble abt scar and injury hcs id love to hear genuinelylike. I love scar hcs yeah

I'M SO SORRY THIS ASK TOOK SO LONG BUT OH MY GOD I LOVE TALKING ABOUT DESIGN AND SCAR HEADCANONS SO LIKE GHDFSGHKJFDG

generally i draw the ninja in a pretty vague "around or after crystalized but before DR" timeline so that's what i'm operating under with these headcanons

also i didn't draw zane here cuz android bodies confuse me and i also got. lazy hgkfdsghkjf but i'll do his someday

lloyd's 20~ and the other ninja are mid 20s~

FIRST UP MY FAVS

starting with lloyd i give him a dragon tail and oni horns, as well as pointed ears. he's got a semi-grunge/goth style so i usually draw him with piercings and stuff. he lost his arm during the events of hunted to me but i dont really have a set event in mind for it. his back was SUPER damaged during the sons of garmadon fight and sometimes has to wear a back brace, and his ankle flares up from time to time

jay kept a lot of his scars hidden for a while because they came from skybound (some of his worst injuries lingered from the timeline). not sure whether he's come clean to the ninja yet or not. the marks on his wrist and ankle are from vengestone cuffs on the ship (blame hat because they gave jay vengestone cuffs in bbnb and it broke my brain so my jay has them now). the wound on his side is from skybound as well. ironically his face scar is NOT from skybound, but he was blind in that eye after skybound and hid it from the team. the current scar is from a fight where an enemy sliced a knife up the side of his face, and his lightning reacted badly and struck him while also striking the enemy. he almost died it was NOT a fun day for anybody. also he's a trans man so top scars!!

nya's scars are fun, she obviously has the tiger widow venom scar from skybound (kai finds out about that one after it gets infected cuz she wasn't taking proper care of it after the timeline reset, and he was NOT happy about it) but she also has lichtenberg scars on her hand from a time jay was holding it and accidentally shocked her badly with his powers. he starts wearing gloves after this incident. she also, of course, still has the markings from her time merged with the sea. they glow blue when she uses her powers, and her eyes are more glowy now as well (she kinda looks like a cryptid)

kai's deceptively scrawny. he has basic muscles but he's super skinny, so a lot of people think he isn't as strong as the rest of the ninja. however he's CRAZY strong and has a solid core. He also has a bunch of scars all over his hands from his time as a blacksmith. They're mostly little burns and nicks, but there's one that stretches across his hand from when he accidentally grabbed a hot blade. he also has a lot of body hair

cole is chubby but INSANELY strong, even without super strength. he has a bunch of scars, especially on his arms, from being tanky and blocking blows with his body. most of his scars are ninja related, but he does have one on his leg from a dance accident. nothing major, but the scar stuck around. he also has his ghost scar that goes over his eye somewhat, causing his pupil to be an unnatural green

also a height chart for comparison! one day i'll do zane too but i got lazy. hard to figure out scars for a nindroid, but i imagine that under his plating, the side of his face will ALWAYS have glowing gold scars from the overlord, no matter how many times he makes a new body or tries to fix them

[mysticpenguincreation]

okay. im going to post again and break my own promise because i also want to address another side of the argument.

people saying how they can’t watch part 2 now because luke manipulated the fans and they feel that the magic is ruined.

remember. we are talking about real people here. they are not the fictional characters they play on screen. let’s go over this one by one, i LOVE making numbered lists for arguments:

1. Luke and Nicola provided us with a fabulous tour. They owe us NOTHING.

It’s US who should be greatfull to them for doing hard work. A long press tour with that amount of promotion must have been absolutely exhausting no matter how much you love your job.

2. Luke isn’t obliged to fall in love with Nic and date Nic.

3. Nic isn’t obliged to fall in love with Luke and date Luke.

4. MULTIPLE times they addressed the fact that they are good friends. People were giddy making gifs saying “no, ur lying”.

Now imagine someone coming up to you and saying “You’re in love with me”. You answer “No i’m not”. They tell you “Nah, you’re lying”. It’s all in good fun until it grows into a straight up disrespectful delusion.

5. The personal life of actors shouldn’t affect how you feel about fictional characters. ESPECIALLY if they did not a fucking thing wrong. I wish really creepy and predotary people in the industry got at least half of the shit Luke is going through right now because Luke dared to have a fucking relationship. Or a relationship not with Nic.

6. We should be thankful to Nic and Luke for being kind, professional and respectful. We should be in love with their beautiful friendship, and not push either of them to cater to desires of fans who cannot, will not, do not want to distinguish between show and real fucking life. They have no obligation to you to start dating because their onscreen counterparts did and you liked it.

7. Again, I do not want to speculate. I have no idea if it was their decision or if it was PR. If they were encouraged to hide their relationship during promotion (imagine waiting this fucking long), or if they were encouraged to show that they’re together right after the show dropped. I do not know AND IT DOES NOT MATTER. Even the idea of restraining your personal life due to PR is sad and makes me sick. I hope they’re just going with the flow, staying true to themselves and are being HAPPY.

“Was it a wrong PR decision?” does not fucking matter because it should be their fucking decision to begin with. The fact that PR is created for this exact reason - to do damage control when people lose their shit over something normal is bind-boggling. It is insane that we came to this fucking point in human history.

8. The phrase “Luke’s hard launch” disgusts me. Fans are talking about Antonia like she’s an object and not a real person. JUST STOP!

9. Try to be fucking kind and touch the fucking grass once in a while. Grass is lovely - take Penelope’s advice.

Seeing this makes me think that the comments are coming from two groups of people:

1. Toxic stan’s who want Nic with Luke and can’t grasp the idea that they are not their characters. “Luke is a lot like Colin” from interviews does not fucking equal “Luke is in love with Nic”. Following this delulu logic he should have fallen for Claudia then because they said multiple times that Claudia is a lot like Pen and Nic is a lot like Eloise. There is no fucking connection in these statements. Fucking none.

2. People who loved the idea of Luke being single because it allows them to fantasize about Luke falling in love with them. It’s okay, we’ve all had celebrity crushes, but when it gets to the point of you throwing hate at the person, it becomes creepy and unhealthy.

To all the haters and “sympathizers” - get some help and get your shit together.

[hhughes]

violet getting jealous over him talking to a girl at a party even tho they’re not together

“where’s your partner in crime?” ethan asks when he finds violet alone in the kitchen, filling up her red cup. it was a rare sight, to see violet and luke more than a metre apart. the two were usually attached at the hip, especially at parties.

"I don't know. I saw him a second ago,” violet says and scans the busy room for him. immediately noticing him in the corner of the room. he was leaning against the wall, head bent down and a grin on his face while some girl was whispering in his ear.

violet wishes she could say the pit forming in her stomach at the sight, was an unfamiliar feeling, but it wasn’t. It’s one she’s felt many times in the years she’s been friends with luke. one she’s tried many times to get rid of, but no matter how hard she tries to get rid of her feelings for him, tries to pretend the pit in her stomach wasn’t as a result of pure jealousy, no matter how many times she tells people they’re just friends. there’s always these little moments that remind her.

reminded her that his crooked little smile was so precious to her she wanted it directed at her at all times. just her. reminded her that despite the fact that people referred to her as “luke’s girl” and he never corrected them, didn’t change the fact that she wasn’t actually his. just because she fell asleep in his arms most nights didn’t mean she could rip the girl’s nails off as the blonde caressed his bicep, no matter how badly she wanted to. there were always these occasional reality checks that reminded violet they weren’t together, no matter how much it felt like they were sometimes.

when she manages to drag her eyes away from the disturbing sight and back to ethan, she sends him a small smile, hoping to reassure him and diminish the look of pity on his face, but he knows better. he’s one of the guys violet’s grown closest to since her and luke have arrived at UMICH. violet’s hard to get to know. she doesn’t like talking about herself, doesn’t disclose her problems to anyone, prefers to deal with everything by herself. ethan doesn’t think he’s ever seen her cry, get angry, annoyed. she’s always perfectly in control of her emotions, always able to hide what she’s feeling until she’s in the safety of her own little bubble where she allows herself to break. but that’s never been the case when it concerns luke. . .

she was an open book when it came to luke. anyone could identify every emotion flickering in those brown doe eyes whenever she and luke were together. the pure joy when he made her laugh, the longing when he touched or looked at her in a way that’s a little too much for just friends, the mixture of faux annoyance and endearance whenever he did something stupid, the overwhelming amount of love in her eyes whenever she looked at him when she thought no one else was looking. she might be a bit closed off when it came to everything else, but anyone who had eyes would be able to see how utterly infatuated she was with luke hughes. which was why it was so confusing to all of the guys, ethan included, that they weren’t together.

“well…guess we found him,” violet attempts to joke, but it falls flat when neither her or ethan cracks a smile.

“violet-”

“It's fine, really. I don’t own him, he can do whatever he wants, with whoever he wants,” violet says with no real conviction in her voice and ethan releases a frustrated sigh. `

“I don’t get you guys. I really don’t,” ethan says, running his hand through his hair as he leans against the counter

“It’s complicated,” violet responds, downing the rest of her drink and putting the cup on the counter

“how? that guy has never been quiet or subtle about the fact that he’s head over heels for you, and you obviously have feelings for him too… what’s complicated about that?” ethan asks, keeping his tone light, not wanting her to feel pushed.

“it wouldn’t be worth it. if it didn’t work out, our friendship would never be the same. and I’m not ready to take that risk. I’d rather have the version of him I have now, than not have him at all,” violet admits softly, her mind briefly going back to that night her and luke had this very conversation,

“there’s two sides to every “if” you know…what if it doesn’t work out? but what if it does? don’t let fear rob you of something that some people spend their whole lives searching for,” ethan says, sending her a gentle smile and squeezing her shoulder as he leaves her in the kitchen.

violet sends one more glance in luke’s direction, swallowing thickly when she sees his lips brush against the girl’s ear as he whispers something to her, her head falling back in a laugh. violet couldn’t fault him for it, she made her feelings about them dating very clear, it’s not like she could expect him to wait until she was one day ready to risk it all. that wasn’t fair to either of them, but it also didn’t mean she was going to torture herself by staying here and watching this, so she grabs her phone from the kitchen counter before scurrying out the front door before anyone could notice. but luke noticed. he always did.

after she got to her apartment and removed all her makeup and jewellery, she settles into bed, a movie playing on her laptop, and she can’t help but feel a pang in her chest that she’s in bed alone. the vacant space next to her that luke usually occupies is bothering her more than she thought it would. but all she can do is tug his michigan hoodie tighter around herself, wishing he was there and she could have the real thing but having to settle for the faint scent of him in the material wrapped around her. she has a brief thought that this is exactly what it’s gonna be like when he leaves for Jersey, but ten times worse, but she quickly banishes that thought, the pressure on her chest becoming too much when she thinks about him leaving.

when there’s three sharp knocks on her door a few minutes later, she quickly pads over to the front door, happily surprised to see her best friend there. as if her longing thoughts of him alone were enough to summon him to her apartment. she doesn’t even get a chance to feel happy that he’s there, the sharp look luke pins her with enough to let her know she would’ve been better off with the hoodie alone.

“luke,” she breathes, opening the door wider and luke stalks inside, spinning around to glare at her before she even has a chance to close the door, and all she can think as she meets his gaze is oh no. . .

[chelseamariep]

I rewatched Part 2, and I'm gonna list my likes. I'm trying to focus on the postive. These will all be Penelope and Colin centric.

My Likes

The brothers urging Colin to tell Pen how he feels.

Colin raising his voice and Pen immediately getting turned on. Like you could see it on her face in that moment. She was DTF.

Colin saying "I love you" first and Pen questioning it. That felt very in character for her.

The mirror scene. I've seen mixed reactions to this but I think they used the mirror in just the right way. This is not a hard core porn show. I don't think we could have had an entire full frontal sex scene in front of a giant mirror. As much as we might have wanted it lol.

Also, remember this was Penelope losing her virginity. To the only person she's ever loved. It needed to be soft, sweet and romantic. It definitely delivered on all fronts.

Plus we all know the mirror scene came purely from a single quote in the book so the artistic liberties were boundless.

I loved that like in the book they made Penelope eager and not shy and her asking if they could go again was just about the cutest thing ever.

Nicolas' face acting during the Colin undressing scene was a masterclass. That woman literally carried this whole season on her shoulders and I love her even more now.

Let's not forget about Colin Bridgerton, the consent king.

The after glow scene was amazing. Her teasing him about his French girls and of course the iconic "my mess" book quote. I probably should have just turned the show off there so I could have stayed happy.

Except the little carriage scene was so god damn adorable I nearly lost my mind. The two of them all up in each other's personal space.

The ring scene was sweet. Portia lingering in the background was funny especially because we all knew how badly colin wanted to kiss his girl.

The church scene was also very sweet, and again, they snuck a book quote in there. That one felt kinda forced, so I didn't enjoy it as much, but it was still nice.

Stepping on each others feet while dancing was so nerd coded and adorable

Them talking about Colin's book was so cute too, and Penelope being super into the dirty passages was brilliant. Pen is a book girlie, and there is nothing a book girl loves more than smut.

I believe it's around this time my likes really start to dwindle...

Pen's wedding look was serving

The cut away to the empty room during the wedding dance made me swoon. That was a good Pride and Prejudice touch

Colin reminding Pen that's she is a Bridgerton was also super adorable

Eloise hugging Pen when she's sad is peak Bridgerton and I missed it so much. I needed it and it healed me.

Colin keeping all of Penelopes' letters. Like boy you have been in love this whole damn time

Another parallel Eloise and Penelope scene. That nearly made me cry.

I've seen mixed reactions on this but I like the healing arc they did with Pen and her mother. That storyline seemed to eclipse the polin story which did bother me slightly but ultimately it was important to bring the Featherington family together

Colin's speech was nice. I liked that they put in the purpose line since that seems to be an overall theme with Colin. He's looking for his purpose and loving his wife wholeheartedly seems like a great one to me.

That second sex scene, while lacking, was excellent because it gave us our girl on top, riding her man. You go Pen.

We could all see it coming from a mile away, but I'm still glad Penelope won the baby race. With the reconciliation, it seemed not as necessary, but I kind of love the idea of Penelope being able to stay in her family home and raise her son with her husband.

The fact that Pen and Colin will be living across the street from Bridgerton house next season fills me with lots of joy.

That last kiss in front of Penelope's beloved windows was a good touch and her new Penelope Bridgerton signature on Whistledown was perfect.

Also does this mean Nicola will narrate the show now? Don't get me wrong I love Julie Andrew's but ever since they gave Pen a voice over in season 2 I have been dreaming of that.

I'm may do my dislikes in a separate post just to get them off my chest. I have alot lol.

[poppy-metal]

could you PLS talk abt moody reader and bsf patrick. and i'm not even talking abt smut, just that dynamic. she's not necessarily rude all the time, just kinda hesitant to do things. he's always pushing her into doing things that he knows she'll enjoy eventually even if she's reluctant at first (and he's always right). like one time he finds out that she doesn't know how to swim, never learned bc her parents just never took her to lessons and now it's his mission to teach her. and he's always the one who initiates physical touch and she pretends like it bothers her when he hugs her while he's all sweaty but secretly loves the affection. and she's torn when patrick is asking abt her opinion on the new girl she's seeing bc on one hand, the new gf is pretty and nice and smart so she's not gonna lie and be a pick me (and patrick values his bsf's opinion sm so she knows she has to be careful) but she's on the other hand she's in love with him and that should be HER not the other girl. sorry for the rant LMAO i didn't think this was gonna turn out so long

oh to be patricks autistic - mistaken for a bitch - best friend. everything he does, if it was someone else you'd be so unbelievablely triggered and upset. putting you in a headlock when hes sweaty and gross, throwing his arm around you and dragging you into his side - you snap at him and call him disgusting but theres never any heat to it. you'd never admit but you like the attention, soak it up like a flower does the sun. its strange to compare patrick zweig to the sun but thats what he is to you - you're always gravitating towards him. reaching tendrils out. when one of your snarky remarks makes him laugh out loud you feel like you could walk on air. and he's alot of things like loud, and mouthy, and impulsive, but he also remembers your favorite order from your favorite places, he lets you borrow his hoodies when you're cold and he never asks for them back - you asked one day, secretly hoping he'd say no but worried he was missing them "do you want me to give em'back?" and he'd just jostled your shoulder with his shrug and shook his head "its fine - i have a shit ton, and you wear em' better anyways" - he shit talks people with you and doesn't say anything about your absolutely insane statements like "ill behead them all and use their bones for kindling." he just snorts and asks if you can make him a s'more. you love him a little desperately. a little so much that when you take a moment to really look at him, his sun freckled skin, the messy tangles and wisps of his hair, the way his nose curves, the way he stands, sits, moves his hands, it hurts.

it hurts especially bad when you remember you cant have him that way - the way he has other girls - the way he has them gasping and pleading in the back of his car, moaning his name - because you'll always just be his friend. the girl who can make him laugh so hard pepsi squirts out of his nose. never the girl he'd want flushed and in his bed.

(you're stupid.)

[aylacavebear]

Soulmates? Yeah, right, pft. - Ch. 1

When you turn sixteen, and your soulmate's name doesn’t appear anywhere on your body that you can find, you figure you had to be the only person on the planet who didn’t have one. Most of the town shuns you, so you stick close to family. Your Aunt Ellen raised you after your parents died in a car crash when you were two, but what happens when the Winchesters return to town and buried secrets begin to come to light?

Pairing: Mechanic Dean Winchester x OC Reader/You

Word Count: 5393

Warnings: Angst, Past Trauma.

A/N: This is my non-Supernatural fic I'm attempting. Please let me know what you think, as I always love hearing from my readers. Not sure when this one will be up and available to read yet. Just getting the chapter list started for it.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 1

You grew up hearing about soulmates, but since you were raised by your Aunt Ellen, it was something you weren’t sure was even true. She’d shown you the mark that had shown up on her hip, your uncle’s name, when she’d turned sixteen. Soulmates clearly were a thing, but you were skeptical, even as a child.

“Hey, you gonna take care of the customers or just stand there daydreamin?” Ellen asked you.

“Sorry,” you quickly apologized, tending to the men at the bar.

How did I end up working here, of all places?

Your mind constantly drifted these days, and it started a month ago. Your twenty-fifth birthday was only three months away. Jo continually teased you when she found you off in your head during work hours. Then there was your Aunt Ellen, who was getting more worried about you as the days passed.

The music from the jukebox sounded far away, almost muffled as you absentmindedly took care of the tasks of cleaning tables, the bar, restocking bottles, and filling drinks. Guys would flirt with you, but you’d only give them that fake smile and move on.

It was the birthday you’d been waiting for, even if you hadn’t wanted to admit it to anyone. You were turning sixteen, and you’d finally see the name of your soulmate. Thanks to your aunt, you had gotten your hopes up.

But the day came and went, and nothing appeared. You had checked everywhere, even behind your ears. There was nothing. It took months to pull out of that depression, especially when those close to you asked about it. You also felt like some sort of freak. In all the research you’d done, you couldn’t find anything about not getting the mark when you turned sixteen.

“Geeze, Y/N. You’re really out of it today. What’s wrong, sweetie?” Ellen asked you, pulling you from your memories.

“Sorry. My mind seems to have a mind of its own today,” you sighed, glancing around the bar for a moment.

“You still bummed about the soulmate thing?” she asked you sincerely, in the way she did when she was gently trying to get you to talk.

You just shrugged your shoulders before taking off your apron, “I have to go help Bobby at the garage again.” 

“Is it that time already?” Ellen asked, glancing at the clock, then sighed. “Alright. Tell the old grump I said hi, and don’t let him work you too hard.” That made you chuckle, “He never does, and I’ll let him know.”

Again, your mind drifted as you drove down the semi-busy streets to Bobby’s garage. He and your Aunt had been friends for a long time, so he was practically family, as was his wife, Jodi. Growing up, you’d spent half your time in the garage, helping Bobby fix cars.

Sioux Falls wasn’t a big town, but wasn’t tiny either. You knew most of the people who lived there, and they knew you. It was more like more of them knew of you, the girl with no soulmate. You sighed as you drove your 71’ Pontiac Firebird Formula 400, a gift from Bobby you had to fix up, down the lonely road leading to his garage. 

“Got something for ya, kid, but you gotta fix her up,” Bobby told you when you showed up for your shift that hot summer afternoon.

“I told you. You don’t have to get me a present this year,” you groaned.

A year ago, you began hating your birthdays, and you didn’t want to celebrate this one. You begrudgingly followed him to his garage, then to the side of it, where you noticed the tarp over something.

Bobby walked over and pulled the tarp off, revealing the shell of a 71’ Pontiac Firebird Formula 400. You had fallen in love with muscle cars as a kid, watching The Dukes of Hazzard. Your jaw hit the floor as you ran over to her like a kid on Christmas.

He was smiling from ear to ear as he watched you look over everything, “She’s all yours, but you gotta do the work. You can’t let any other mechanic touch her. I’ll answer any questions, but I ain’t helpin' either.”

“Are you serious, Uncle Bobby?” you asked excitedly, popping the hood of the beat-up frame.

A small smile crossed your expression with that memory as you pulled into the driveway of Bobby’s garage and parked in the back. It seemed like so long ago, but it was one of your fondest memories that had made your birthday not so bad.

“I’m here,” you hollered, heading over to the car you’d been working on for almost a week at this point. 

“How was the bar?” he asked, joining you in the garage.

“I was a space cadet, and Aunt Ellen is worried about me,” you replied, sliding back under the car to finish it up.

“You’re not a space cadet. I just think you can’t focus around all those people anymore. Come work at the garage, full-time,” he told you, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms.

“I’ll think about it,” you answered, tightening down a few more bolts.

“Besides, Jodi misses you being around more often,” Bobby added in an attempt to persuade your decision.

“I miss her too. Oh! Ellen said hi. I don’t know why she doesn’t text you more often,” you replied, sliding out from under the car, looking for yet another tool for yet another size bolt.

When you were in the garage, you always seemed to be able to focus. You knew Bobby had a point, and you’d been considering it for almost a month, but you weren’t about to tell him that. You wanted to let him think it was his idea.

Yeah, your mind drifted, but it was nothing like at the bar. Here, they were little snippets of memories: kids teasing you in high school, adults looking at you like you had two heads, and then there had been attempts to find a job but getting turned down everywhere due to not having the name of your soulmate on your body somewhere. 

By the time your shift ended, you had the car completely finished. Looking down at the car, you stood there, covered with blotches of grease but beaming with pride. 

“I’ll let the owner know she’s ready,” Bobby smiled, now standing next to you. “Think about it, though, okay?”

“I will,” you replied, giving him a hug before you headed home for the night since you’d already cleaned up the tools you’d used.

You lived in a cute little house not far from Bobby’s garage. It was the only thing that you had from your parents, along with a handful of pictures. You’d lost both of them to a car crash when you were only two, having no real memories of them. 

Since you were two when you had lost them, you never asked Jodi what had happened or if anyone else was involved. You honestly didn’t want to know. 

Dropping the things from your pockets on the table, you locked your door and headed to the bathroom. Your thoughts drifted again as you did your typical night routine.

“I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time finding work, sweetie. You can’t work here till you’re at least eighteen. I can’t break that law for you,” Ellen sighed.

You crossed your arms and went back outside to your car. You knew why no one in town would hire you, and it was a stupid reason. However, being a teenager still, you were all hormones and now needed to go blow off some steam.

You peeled out of the parking lot and down the road to your parent's place, which would be yours in less than a year. The drive was short due to the speed you’d chosen to go, and a cloud of dust rolled over your car when you parked out back of the house.

Between the punching bag, the target practice, and throwing your knives till your arm was sore, you had finally calmed down some. You made a call to Ellen and told her you were going to sleep at your ‘almost’ house. She didn’t like it but didn’t argue either.

You cried yourself to sleep that night, curled up in the soft bed that would eventually be your permanent room as the sun set slowly. The thought of being alone for the rest of your life hurt more than you’d ever tell anyone.

Dinner that night consisted of leftovers, and you were thankful you’d prepared them ahead of time when the week began—baked chicken, potatoes, and gravy. You were far too out of it to even worry about a vegetable. 

I’ll tell Ellen tomorrow.

Finally deciding to quit working at the bar as you cleaned up dinner and headed to bed, almost feeling as though a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. Slipping under the covers and getting comfortable, you also felt more relaxed than usual. 

—----

Two hours into your shift, and Ellen had already had to pull you out of your head a dozen times. It was Saturday, so even the morning hours were busy today. You were just thankful that you never had to cook, knowing you would have ended up burning most of the food.

“Can you at least pay attention to the ones at the bar? Jo can handle the floor today,” Ellen told you, again sounding worried.

“I’ll try,” you sighed, glancing at the men sitting there.

There was no point in apologizing again. As you began taking care of the drinks, the bell over the door dinged, signifying yet another customer. Typically, you wouldn’t have even looked up, but something pulled at you.

It was three men, none of whom you recognized, and two of them looked to be around your age, with the third being older. All three of them sat at the bar, so you went over to get them drinks.

“What’s your poison?” you asked, putting on that fake work smile and not really looking at them.

“Three beers,” the older of the three said, “And please tell Ellen to come over.”

You were slightly confused but agreed. You set their beers down in front of them, then went to find Ellen in the back. “Hey, there’s a guy out here that asked for you.”

“Did you get his name?” she asked as she dried her hands.

“No. He didn’t say. He’s with two other guys who are younger, though, if that helps?” you replied as you followed her out of the back room.

You stopped halfway down the bar, but you were still behind it, as she was now on the other side, making her way to the three of them. The older man stood, both he and Ellen smiling as they embraced in a hug, which confused you. You managed to keep up with the drinks for those at the bar but couldn’t hear what the four of them were talking about.

“Y/N, come down here and get these boys a refill,” Ellen hollered, motioning for you to go over to them.

Rolling your eyes, you did as she asked, putting on that fake smile again, “Here ya go.”

“Thanks, Sweetheart,” one of the two younger ones said to you with what looked to be a flirtatious smirk.

“Don’t be flirting with my niece, Dean. She’s still what you’d consider innocent,” Ellen scolded the one who had just spoken to you, but to you, it sounded more like a teasing sort of joking around, which made you slightly curious. “Thanks. Like I need some stranger to know that sort of thing,” you grumbled.

“Sweetie, these are the Winchesters. They’re practically family. You met them when you were little,” Ellen replied, smiling happily.

For a moment, you were somewhat dumbfounded as to what to even say. You couldn’t seem to remember meeting the three of them. Ellen introduced you to John Winchester, the father of Dean and Sam, who were four years apart in age.

“I hate to do it, Aunt Ellen, but, I need to talk to you about something before I leave in ten,” you finally told her.

“What’s up?” she asked, looking quite puzzled.

“I need to take some time off for a while,” you mumbled, feeling bad.

“Take all the time you need, sweetie. I know things have been rough for you lately,” she said softly, then she gave you a hug. “And tell that old fart to stop by sometime.”

“Thanks for understanding, and I will,” you replied, relieved as you hugged her back. Then you looked over at the Winchesters, “It was nice to have at least met the three of you since I don’t remember meeting you before now. Not sure when I’ll see you again, though.”

“How come?” John asked, seeming fairly curious.

“I’m going to be working my other job full-time for a while. It’s the love of my life, honestly,” you replied with a smile, giving John your full attention.

“What’s that, kid?” he asked, which made you wonder if perhaps he knew Bobby since Bobby called you that all the time.

“I fix cars. Hate to do it, but I have to run,” you replied quickly, heading for the door and out to your Baby. However, your heart about stopped when you saw the black 67’ Chevy Impala parked next to your Firebird.

“Damn…” you breathed out in quiet shock and awe.

Shit! I’m gonna be late.

With that thought, you shook your head, pulled your gaze from the car, and drove to Bobby’s garage for your shift. It indeed was a beautiful car, and you knew that no one in town drove one of those. Through deductive reasoning, you figured it had to belong to the Winchesters. You just weren’t sure which one. Whichever one it was, though, they loved that car, and you knew it with how well it had been taken care of.

The leaves on the trees were changing colors already, and the light breeze was finally cooler than the summer heat that you hated. However, you didn’t notice much today; you were too excited to give Bobby the news.

You knew the smile you couldn’t hide would give it away, but you stepped into his little office anyway. You didn’t even have time to say anything before he did.

Bobby was smiling from ear to ear when he looked up at you, “Nice to know Ellen didn’t give you a hard time about being here full time. You can whip those boys on the morning shift into shape for me.”

“Like they’d listen to me,” you chuckled but rolled your eyes.

“They better, since you’re gonna be their boss from here on out,” he told you seriously.

“Wait? What?” you asked, in complete surprise.

“Kid, you know your shit, and you’re good at your job. You’re better at your job than the four boys I got workin here already. I’d rather just have you than all of them 'cause I know you’d get the job done like it should be, and you never cut corners,” he explained, being completely serious.

“I- I don’t know what to say,” you stammered, still shocked.

“Just say thanks and be here at six tomorrow morning. Take the afternoon off and rest up,” he smiled.

You went over and wrapped him up in a hug. He knew the only reason you worked in the garage late was to avoid the boys he had working there in the morning. You had tried doing the dating thing after your sixteenth birthday, but realized quickly that no boy wanted anything to do with you.

That night, you were still smiling, even if you were apprehensive about being someone’s boss, let alone four grown men. People in the town were mostly courteous toward you but treated you like a plague of some sort since your soulmate's name never appeared on your body. 

—-------

As you got ready that morning, you attempted to calm your nerves, but it didn’t work. You gave yourself mental pep talks all morning and even on the drive, but that wasn’t helping either. Your heart was still racing as you parked out back like you usually did.

Bobby was the only one at the garage for the moment, and he even told you to breathe more than once. He explained that you’d still be working on cars, but now you’d also be keeping an eye on the boys he had working there and telling them when to take their breaks. It seemed simple enough.

Benny, Cas, Garth, and Jack were decent guys and were all friends. They’d spend time at the bar in the evenings when you were at the garage. It was how you had avoided a lot of people in the town since they really wanted nothing to do with you. The part you were worried about was interacting with them, as their boss. Bobby was standing next to you as the four of them arrived and mingled into the garage.

“Boys, meet your new boss,” Bobby said sternly, and all four of them looked up at you.

You were sure your heartbeat could be heard throughout the room as you froze under their gaze. The only one who didn’t look at you like you were a waste of space or something to avoid was Garth, and you made a mental note of that.

Something in you snapped with how they looked at you, and you laid into them before Bobby could comment on their expressions. “Look, I know that at least three of you would rather not work with me. I’m not a bitch, but I will be if I have to be. You don’t like this, there’s the door,” you told them sternly, putting your hands on your hips.

“Seriously?” Benny asked, annoyed. His Cajun accent was thick, and if it weren’t for his attitude, you probably could have listened to the man talk all day.

“Yes, Benny. She’s got the right to fire you if need be. I suggest you don’t give her a reason,” Bobby replied, crossing his arms, almost daring the man to challenge his decision.

Garth stepped forward, though, with that kind smile he always had, “I, for one, am looking forward to working with you, Y/N. You seem like a nice person, fair.”

Your expression instantly softened, and you smiled at him. “Thanks, Garth.”

“Alright, get to work,” Bobby told all of you before he headed into his office to keep an eye on things.

You turned from the four of them and headed toward the newest of the cars that had been brought in the day before. Your nerves were shot, but you were proud of yourself for standing up to the three of them. Pausing for a brief moment as you looked down at the car, you decided on something.

I’m gonna just be me. If they don’t like it, they can quit.

You turned on the radio to the classic rock station, then got to work on the car. Benny raised an eyebrow and just watched you silently before he got to work with the other three. It was odd for you with the other four working there, too. It was something you weren’t used to, but you found yourself keeping an eye on them, even while you worked.

An hour into the shift, Cas had stopped working and sat on one of the barstools, sipping some water. You watched him out of the corner of your eye for a few minutes while still focusing on your current task. Five minutes later, he was back to work. You took mental note of it and focused on your task again.

Each of them did that, taking turns to sit for a few minutes, have water, and then return to work. It puzzled you, but you weren’t ready to ask them why they did it, at least not yet. 

Just before nine, you heard it before you saw it. The beautiful purr of that Impala you had seen the night before. A smirk crossed your lips while you were unbolting the upper portion of the water pump for the current car in front of you. 

The Impala stopped, and then she was silent. You could clearly hear three sets of footsteps heading into the garage. The four boys erupted with greetings to the Winchesters, more Dean than the other two. Even Bobby joined in. 

So, they do know each other. Too bad the boys know them too. So much for maybe making a friend now.

You sighed and slid under the car, going for the bottom bolts now that the top ones were loose, completely ignoring the ruckus of greetings going on only about twenty feet away from you.

“Kid, you gonna come say hi?” you heard Bobby ask, and you realized he was standing next to you.

“I really wanted to get this finished, since the part finally came in, and this poor car has been sitting here for a week waiting,” you replied without moving out from under the car.

“Kid, don’t make me pull you outta there,” he told you a bit more sternly, and you knew he’d do it.

“Fine,” you grumbled, sliding out from under the car.

“So much for not running into you again, Sweetheart,” Dean smirked, which made you roll your eyes.

“Dean’s gonna be starting tomorrow morning. Dean, she’ll be your boss, so don’t try anything funny. She’s also practically my niece,” Bobby told him, far sterner than you’d heard him talk to anyone before, which only piqued your curiosity as to what their past entailed.

“I’ll behave, Bobby, I promise,” Dean told him, somewhat seriously. 

You noticed a small twinkle in not only Dean’s eye, but also in Bobby’s. It was like there was something they both knew but weren’t saying, at least not in front of you.

“You better, boy. I got no problems telling your dad and making him fire you,” Bobby replied, glancing at John.

That was when it hit you. You’d seen the initials JW on several different pieces of paperwork and even a couple of packages that had been delivered to the garage. John was Bobby’s partner in the business, and Dean was supposed to inherit it when John passed or retired. You were a bit surprised, though, that you had the power to fire the boss's son or at least write him up if you had to.

John’s laughter filled the garage at Bobby’s statement, “If I have to get involved, you’ll be in far more trouble than just losing your job.” There was a joke in there, but you could also hear the hint of seriousness in his tone.

What do the three of them know but aren’t saying around me? This is so frustrating.

“I said I’d behave,” Dean grumbled, crossing his arms and leaning against the car closest to him while the boys gave him a hard time. But it was there, even if only a hint of it, a smirk, and you noticed.

That was when John and Bobby both turned toward you, and for some reason, it made you nervous. “We’re having a little get-together tonight at Harvelle’s, and you’re invited. Sam graduated and is getting a full ride for law school, and that calls for a celebration,” John told you with a far softer smile than you thought the man was capable of.

“Uh, sure, I guess,” you replied, completely unsure of the idea of being around people who really wanted nothing to do with you.

“Good. Then we’ll see you there around say, seven?” John replied.

“Okay,” you answered, not sure what else to say.

Due to your attention being on John and Bobby, you missed the silent conversations going on between Dean, Sam, and the four grease monkeys on the far side of the garage. Dean was mostly watching you while Benny and Cas were telling him things, about you. Sam was also watching you, but his was more out of curiosity than anything else.

John and Bobby hung out in the office with the door closed for at least another hour. Dean and Sam were distracting the other four while they worked. You, well, you were changing out the water pump, ignoring all of them. It was what hurt the least. 

While you were tightening down the bolts under the car, you noticed a pair of feet standing next to you.

“You really don’t remember us, do you?” he asked.

“Sorry. I really don’t,” you answered, focusing on the bolt that was being a pain to get to.

“Wow. Kinda surprised since we went to the same schools and grew up in the same town,” he chuckled quietly, and you realized it was Sam and not Dean. Sam had a softer voice, and he didn’t call you sweetheart.

“I’m really sorry. I was kind of a loner,” you told him and finally got the bolt tightened down.

Sliding out from under the car and looking up at him, you felt like an ant with how tall he was. You shook off the feeling, got to your feet, and bent over into the engine so you could finish bolting the water pump in place.

“I remember. I heard about what happened, or uh, I mean- what didn’t happen when you turned sixteen,” he told you with that softness you were thankful for.

You shrugged your shoulders briefly, “Doesn’t matter. At least Bobby let me work here. All I ask is that you aren’t being nice to me out of pity. I’d rather be ignored.”

“I don’t pity you. I actually wanted to tell you something I found out while I was at college. It’s rare, like it only happens to one in a billion people. A traumatic event before the age of five can leave a child too scared to get their soulmate’s name when they turn sixteen,” he explained.

You froze where you were. It was more than anything you’d been able to find, and for a moment, you wanted to hope. You quickly brushed it away, though, remembering how badly you’d felt the last time you got your hopes up.

“You gonna keep going or just leave me hanging like that?” you asked, a little sharper than you intended.

Sam took a deep breath, and you missed him glancing at his brother momentarily, “Well, what I read said that the other person still gets their soulmate’s name. The one that went through the trauma has to fully heal from it before they get their soulmate’s name.”

You rolled your eyes, “Kinda hard to heal from something I don’t remember.”

“I just wanted you to know that me and my brother don’t see you like others do, and we’d like to be your friend, if you want,” he replied, then walked away to leave you to your thoughts.

Great. I don’t even know what to do to heal that sort of thing. I don’t even remember my parents. And now, the boss’s kids want to be friends with me. No, that can’t go horribly wrong, can it? Plus, I have to go sit through a celebration with people I don’t remember and others who want nothing to do with me, even if Ellen, Bobby, and Jodi will be there.

You focused on the car but finished it quickly before the Winchesters were even ready to leave. After wiping off your hands, you closed the hood and put the tools away before driving the car out to the finished area so it could wait for its owner to pick it up. When you headed back inside, your eyes were only on the office door, which was still closed. You didn’t see Dean watching you again.

“Hey, Bobby. Cars finished. I didn’t see anything else out back. What do you want me to work on?” you asked, setting the keys on his desk so he could get the paperwork together.

“How about you give Dean the tour? Show him where everythings at?” John suggested with a smirk before Bobby could say a word. “I figured Benny would do that, since they seem like friends,” you replied, not wanting to interrupt the six of them.

“I’m sure he could, but he won’t. You’re their boss. Comes with the territory,” John told you.

“Yes, Sir,” you replied in a slight mumble, heading back out of the office, closing the door, and then leaning on it.

As you crossed your arms, you watched the six of them. They looked like they were enjoying whatever conversation was happening between them, with Dean laughing at something he must have found funny. With a deep sigh, you walked over to them, slipping your hands into your pockets.

There was instant silence the moment you got close to them, but you didn’t let the hurt show, “John said I should give you a tour and show you where everything is,” you explained to Dean, not really looking at him.

Dean glanced at the office door then back down at you, “If that’s what my dad said, then lead the way, Sweetheart.”

Why does he have to keep calling me that? It’s not like he knows me. Maybe he calls all girls that, and it’s just his thing or something like that. 

“Yeah, not like you been in here a day of your life,” Benny teased him, which made you look up at Benny, confused. “Huh?” was the only word you could manage.

“Oh yeah, Dean’s been working in here since he was knee-high to a grasshopper,” Cas chuckled, teasing Dean.

Your gaze went from each of them and then to Dean, tilting your head in a fair amount of confusion. Dean rubbed the back of his neck nervously and looked away from you.

“What’s wrong, Dean? Worried she’ll figure it out?” Benny stated.

“Figure what out?” you asked as Dean glared at Benny.

“Nothing,” Dean snapped, still glaring at Benny.

So, Dean’s got some secret he doesn’t want me to know about. 

“Do you still want that tour I’m supposed to give you?” you asked with a sigh, looking more at the floor than anywhere else.

“Dean, you were here less than a month ago. Did you really forget where everything is already?” Cas teasingly asked him.

You’d had enough, so headed out of the garage, tossing your hands up and hollering, “Never mind,” just before making it outside. Once you made it to your car, you texted Bobby and told him you were heading home since there weren’t any more cars to work on at the moment.

The six of them watched as you drove past the garage entrance and then down the driveway. You missed Dean punching Cas in the jaw. You missed John and Bobby going off on Benny and Cas. You also missed Dean going off on Benny. You were too pissed and hurt to even look back.

Bobby didn’t text you back, but you knew if he had an issue or needed you at the garage, he would have said so. The moment you got home, you went straight for the punching bag, needing to get the anger out of your system so you could shower.

How am I gonna get out of tonight? Can I even get out of tonight? Probably not. I’ll have to show up, at least. I can always leave early, though, right? 

You groaned at the thought of having to be around people, knowing full well that getting out of it, even early, was going to be difficult. At least you weren’t required to dress up any, so you went for a pair of black jeans, a dark blue shirt, and your favorite deep green flannel pulled over it. At the garage, you typically had your hair pulled back, but for tonight, you left it down.

Parking near the back of Harvelle’s Bar & Grill, you were just staring at the building, dreading going inside and having to “people,” as you called it. The sun had already set, and the darkness was allowing the glimmer of stars to be seen in the night sky, but you didn’t notice them, just the bar in front of you.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 2 - Coming soon

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[wendytestabrat]

kyle "liking" heidi was a HUGE cop-out

i can't believe we just got a 50 min long kyle-sided kyman episode and still all i wanna talk about is this episode from 2017 LOL. "doubling down" is prob the episode i've done the most rants on and i ain't stopping now. ok so like what i wanna talk abt his how fucking forced the whole kyle liking heidi thing was and how it came out of completely nowhere. and i have a theory on why that is...bc if kyle rlly was supposed to like heidi they rlly did NOT do a good job convincing us that was the case. ok so what i think what happened was this episode was originally intended to be a SUPER on the nose kyman episode abt kyle confronting his feelings for cartman but then trey parker pussied out and changed the script at last second bc he was too afraid of canonizing kyman lol. and trey does this bs A LOT especially with the 6 days to air format, he'll write the script one way and then he suddenly changes his mind at last second and wants it to be something completely different lol. bc yeah it's sus AF how in s20 they were originally setting things up for kyle to realize he's gay for cartman like in the little red riding kyle scene and then the scene of him crying over the picture of cartman (which was how we knew right away his jealousy was bc he had feelings for cartman NOT heidi) and then out of nowhere they revealed kyle liked heidi like hWat. that made us feel gaslighted AF. and i remember back in the day (in the ancient year of 2017) when they dropped the promo for that episode the description said "kyle is playing with fire when he gets in the middle of cartman and heidi's relationship" or some shit like that, which was ambiguous AF but kyman shippers got all excited bc we assumed the episode was abt all of kyle's jealousy with cartman & heidi finally coming to the forefront BC OF HIS FEELINGS FOR CARTMAN NOT HEIDI. so i feel like they released that description to be ambiguous on purpose bc they didn't know if they were gonna continue the route of having kyle liking cartman or change it to kyle liking heidi. and the only reason why they changed it to kyle "liking" heidi was bc they were too chicken to go forward with a kyman plot that strong, and bc it would've been too hard to change the episode to something completely unrelated on such short notice. it's not bc matt & trey give two shifts about kydi lol. it's obvious they LOVE kyman and deep down wanna make it happen, i think they either just don't know the best way to write it in yet or they're too afraid to piss off the non-shipping fans of the show. so that's the reason why we only get hints and they never take it any further than that. bc even tho kyle supposedly "liked" heidi this attraction was hardly believable and it still seemed EXTREMELY obvious that when kyle "liked" heidi, he was still repressing his feelings for cartman and those feelings came out in more unconscious ways throughout the episode. bc yeah for YEARS they've been writing kyle's character as gay and obsessed with cartman so that's why it was hard for them to make us believe kyle actually liked heidi and why him and heidi had 0 chemistry dhdhskks. and the reason why all kyle did was ask heidi about cartman was bc the original premise set up for the episode was for him to be a jealous snake bc he HATES heidi and LOVES cartman. he even deadass trashed heidi in the beginning when he was like "why is she still supporting him?!?!" which showed how much disdain he had for heidi (and cartman also called him out for having a problem with heidi back in s20), yet they expect us to believe he actually liked her??? LOL. kyle also literally says "i think we're all going out with cartman right now" so i think the way things were set up in the first half of the episode was actually the original vision for the script about kyle liking cartman. the moment when the girls told kyle he "likes" heidi was when they decided to change it up out of nowhere. they probably originally intended to have one of the characters call him out for liking cartman or some shit which stan and butters got pretty close to doing LOL.

[fallenrocket]

I feel a little apprehensive putting this into words. I guess I'll just start by saying that this is 100% IMHO. I know a lot of people are celebrating "Rogue" and really love the Doctor/Rogue dynamic--I'm not contradicting them or trying to downplay the significance of seeing the Doctor in a same-sex romance, especially after the show seemed to hold back with the Doctor and Yaz. I get that this episode is a big ol' "happy Pride to us!" moment for a lot of fans, and they have every right to feel that way. I just want to talk about why I, an aroace who views the Doctor as aspec, had a hard time fully embracing it.

From the moment I heard chatter that Fifteen was going to be drawn more to men than women, I was fine with it. As I've said before, one of the fun things about Doctor Who aspec headcanons is that each regeneration feels ace in different ways. Most of the new Who Doctors are some flavor of romantic, and plenty of them have been neutral or receptive to men flirting with them. It's all good. I just hoped that an m/m-leaning Doctor still felt ace to me, the way that m/f- and f/f-leaning Doctors have. I was hoping not to get, "The Doctor is gay now, and he's DTF!"

In my view, when the Doctor is drawn to someone, it's always primarily about who they are and what they do, not what they look like. The Doctor does use words like "beautiful," "gorgeous," and "sexy," but they're far more likely to use them in reference to a machine/creature/constellation than to a person. The Doctor forges deep soul connections in their romances while also giving just as much weight and respect to their platonic connections (love you forever, Fifteen and Ruby!) The Doctor's version of "flirting" is usually just being themselves, which people can't help falling in love with, and they're often slow to realize other people are flirting with them. Different Doctors have different reactions to kissing, but 1) they're often the one being kissed, not the other way around, and 2) they often find themselves surprised by kisses. When it comes to sexual references/propositions, their responses usually range from uncomfortable to confused to "does not register at all that there is something sexual here."

Nine when Jackie gives him the old "there's a strange man in my bedroom, anything could happen": ...No.

Ten when Lilith tries to seduce him: Now, that’s one form of magic that’s definitely not going to work on me.

Eleven when Craig says to give him a shout if he needs privacy with a girlfriend or boyfriend: Oh, I will! I’ll shout. Yes, something like, “I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS!!”

Twelve when River points out that he has no idea whether or not she looks "amazing": Well, you, you’ve moved your hair about, haven’t you?

Thirteen when Yaz's mum asks if they're dating: ...I don’t think so. Are we?

Now, I get that the show doesn't owe me an aspec Doctor, but what it's given me so far has pretty much always fit into that headcanon nicely. I love that this show is led by a brilliant, imaginative, compassionate hero who has boundless love for their friends and doesn't really care about sex.

That's the energy I was hoping for with Fifteen, and "Rogue" doesn't really deliver it for me. I'm not saying that an aspec person can't respond to Rogue the way the Doctor does, but to me, it just feels off compared to how the Doctor usually is in romantic situations.

When Rogue invites him for a walk outside and the Doctor remarks, "Fast mover," before following him--would any other Doctor take that as a proposition?

Just generally leading with the physical--handsome strangers, commenting on how good Rogue looks in his jacket, "you're hot" on the psychic paper. Again, I've seen the Doctor fall for people based on their bravery, their kindness, their intelligence, their skill in a crisis, etc. They usually are hot, in the way that most people on TV are, but that's not why the Doctor likes them. And with Rogue, that seems to be the very first thing the Doctor notices about him. What qualities of his is the Doctor drawn to?

The Doctor taking more of a lead when it comes to overt flirtation--given that Rogue is kind of a brusque, prickly loner, he likely wasn't going to start it off, but it feels weird to me to see the Doctor take the reins on a romance that isn't some kind of pretense (a la Ten proposing to Queen Elizabeth because he's trying to prove she's really a Zygon.)

I'm not about to say this episode is blatantly sexualized or "think of the children!" or anything like that. And honestly, Fifteen's portrayal here isn't drastically far off from previous characterizations of the Doctor. But there are just lots of little things that, if I was writing it, I'd have nudged slightly to put the Doctor's reactions to Rogue more in line with how they reacted to Rose/Reinette/River/etc.

***

I'd open with the Doctor curious about Rogue as someone who clearly isn't from that time/place, drawn more to the mystery than anything else. When Rogue is dour in response, the Doctor teases him--he's at a party, he's in a playful mood, and he wants the guy to lighten up.

They go outside--maybe together, maybe separately--but they both come across the duchess's shoe, shortly followed by the duchess herself. Rogue makes a clever observation or asks an Excellent Question that piques the Doctor's interest, but then he's disappointed when Rogue pulls the gun on him. Something along the lines of, "Bounty hunter? Just when I thought I met someone interesting," or, "I thought you were clever! How can you find so much evidence and follow it to exactly the wrong conclusion?"

Still, the Doctor's annoyed, not worried. He's confident that he can either convince Rogue he's wrong or get away, so he keeps up the teasing. But when Rogue takes him back to his ship, the Doctor quickly picks up on the fact that it's made to be flown with two. He's becoming slightly more worried about his own predicament, but he also wonders what pain Rogue is trying to conceal, and the little surprising touches around the ship--the DnD dice, the music--are piquing his interest again.

The Doctor uses the scanner to prove he's not a Childur, and Rogue realizes he only wants to capture the right person. The Doctor starts to think maybe there's hope for this guy yet. They go to the TARDIS and have basically the same conversation: "Pure Imagination," the pitch to travel with the Doctor (with added emphasis on there being better possibilities out there than bounty hunting,) and the two of them opening up about continuing on after loss. It's in this scene that Rogue really starts to feel drawn to the Doctor. He considers a kiss, but the Doctor is distracted by reprogramming the triform and misses signals that are visible from space.

Back at the ball, the Doctor and Ruby reconnect and catch each other up. Somewhere in there, they have a brief side exchange about Rogue. Ruby makes a comment about his good looks, and the Doctor says something like, "Is he? Now I know he's a bounty hunter, but he wants to do the right thing here. And no one who listens to Kylie could be all bad!" He spitballs a few "scandalous" ideas before realizing that him and Rogue dancing would be the juiciest. Fewer pregnant pauses and smoldering looks here, maybe some awkwardness like, "We could--I mean, if you wanted to--just to draw her out, mind..."

It's during the dance that the Doctor really starts to twig that he might be catching feelings, even as he stays focused on the task at hand. And it's not until Rogue pulls the proposal move that it occurs to the Doctor that Rogue might possibly be catching feelings for him too.

Climax mostly plays out the same way. Again, less of a pregnant pause with the kiss. Lean into the Doctor's distress over Ruby--maybe Rogue says something like, "Shh, it's okay," before going in for the kiss. The Doctor's face registers surprise, then he kind of melts into it, then before he knows it, Rogue has swapped places with Ruby and is telling the Doctor to find him. And then he's gone.

And this has nothing to do with ace stuff, but I'd set the last scene between the Doctor and Ruby in the TARDIS, with Ruby walking in to find the Doctor aggravated that he's tried numerous options and can't lock onto a way to track Rogue. He tries to play it off--"It was always a longshot, endless dimensions out there. Where to next, huh?"--and Ruby shuts him up and encourages him to let himself feel this loss.

***

But I dunno. Equality doesn't equal equity. Maybe if the Doctor's romance with Rogue had a similarly light touch as some of their m/f connections, people would be arguing that it wasn't really a romance. That the Doctor "clearly" wasn't into Rogue like Rogue was into him, or that the show was pulling its punches with a "sanitized" m/m romance. I can't speak to that experience, and maybe my version wouldn't come off well for reasons I can't see.

And like I said, if you love the Doctor/Rogue, that's great. I'm glad that you got an episode like this during Pride, and I know I can't blame a show for not following my headcanon. I went into "Rogue" apprehensive but hoping I'd love it, and these are just my thoughts and reactions to the episode.

[moon932]

i think one of the more tragic parts of neuvillette’s character is the inherent inability for him to get closer to humanity by the way of his position. and i don’t mean just a dragon sovereign, we know that he is capable of empathizing and connecting with others- this is especially apparent with the melusines. ie, before he took up the mantle of the highly respected and revered iudex.

what i mean is that when focalors invited him to be chief justice, she ascribed him to a similar dilemma as furina. he’s the chief justice, and like anyone in a position of power, there is a certain distance and higher form of respect that will always be there. even when he’s not performing as the chief justice- he’s still expected to act like it and if he were to act out of character than he risks losing the respect his standing needs. and he’s very familiar with those consequences. which is more tragic when you realize that he wants to connect with his people. he wants to join in on banter and understand them in a way he wasn’t able to in the past.

i think this is especially apparent with both vautrin and later with the current fontaine gang. we’re told that neuvillette and vautrin were close when they worked together. this stands out to me more, because being told and shown neuvillette being close with people is a very big thing for his character because it’s so rare for him to form those connections. and while on the topic of vautrin, i think what happened with him and carole also made neuvillette’s resolve to stay impartial even stronger. because here is someone he trusted, and he had to exile him. i can’t even imagine how hard that was. add on to the fact that neuvillette thought vautrin hated him, and was okay with that thought? well maybe not okay with it, but was able to contend with it?

that brings me on to the next point, how many convicts hold grudges against neuvillette? how many families were torn apart because he needed to give out an impartial and apathetic verdict?

this is slightly a critique on hoyo, because they never want there to be what i call a ‘bad ending.’ any conflict we do have feels very surface level at best, and we never see anything deeper than baseline. and if there is a conflict, it’s always resolved with a neat little bow at the end. at least in the archon quests and world quests. don’t get me started on world quests.

but yeah, neuvillette is a character that is lonely by design y’know? even in his character stories, they always have an air of loneliness to them. here is this being who understand things about the world not even the gods do. and he can’t talk about it because what if the powers that be see it be to strike him down? this is purely based off of a dialouge line you get in your teapot, which is a landmine of character lore btw.

if i’m deranged enough i’ll ramble about wriolette at some point and touch on both the platonic and romantic connotations that relationship has, if you guys want. anyways, hope you enjoyed my deranged ramblings about neuvillette because i can guarantee it will happen again (ㅅ˘ㅂ˘)

[itsmagichere32]

Bridgerton part 2 thoughts...

With part 1, I watched all 4 episodes in a row and felt a bit odd about it. But then I went and rewatched just the Polin parts and enjoyed it.

Same with part 2. All 4 episodes on Thursday and felt odd.

In the finale, there wasn't much Polin time in the beginning and found myself instantly wanting to fast-forward.

Then yesterday, I rewatched the Polin bits from part 2 and felt like it was a better watch, even if there were some parts where Colin felt a bit too cruel:

"And we were intimate" in the beginning of episode 7 was hard to hear because their first sexy time felt beautiful and special in episode 5.

"It's not up to you what we do" in episode 8, not letting Pen have a say with how to deal with Cressida blackmailing.

Ultimately, in my rewatch of Polin scenes part 2, I actually liked episodes 5 & 6 even though episode 6 could've had much more of Polin.

I didn't like the lack of communication in episodes 7 & 8.

I totally get how Colin was so angry in episode 7 after the LW reveal, especially at the beginning. But he should've communicated with Pen sooner.

Yes, Penelope has been ignored and had to endure cruelty from her mother, sisters, and society her whole life.

But even in previous seasons, it felt like even in Penelope's friendships with Colin and Eloise, they were a bit one-sided. It was more about Colin and Eloise than her.

It's no wonder Penelope tried to save Eloise from being framed through her Whistledown column than actually talk to her.

It's no wonder Penelope tried to save Colin from a disastrous marriage with Marina through Whistledown instead of talking to him.

So in episodes 7 & 8, I was hoping for more communication between Colin and Penelope. For him to listen to her side of the story, let her explain herself, as she has always listened to him. After he had some time to cool down, that is. And before their wedding too.

Because Pen's love language is words of affirmation. So I think they needed to communicate vocally more in the last 2 eps. With the compassion that life-long friends and now lovers have for each other.

And there needed to be an epilogue scene with just Pen and Colin that wasn't just a sex scene, but them talking and joking with each other. As an aspiring writer, I like full-circle stories, so a scene like this would've been nice to show that they are still best friends within their loving marriage.

So yeah, I liked some of part 2, the sweet bits. Episodes 7 & 8 were a bit too dark and painful, but maybe that's what the showrunners intended - for us to experience the same anguish Colin and Pen were feeling.

Also, I definitely wished we had more Colin & Pen scenes. Even whenever they danced together at all the balls in part 2, they cut mid-scene to other characters talking or dancing. It felt like they weren't in their own season enough.

I remember the same criticism of season 2 with Kanthony. If they do release deleted or even extended scenes for this season, I'll welcome it.

But I still liked most of the Polin we got in the first 6 episodes. And I liked some of the side storylines:

Kanthony.

Portia and Penelope healing their relationship.

Eloise learning to listen and be more compassionate with Penelope and for them to be friends again.

Fran & Ben & Gregory & Hyacinth.

But ultimately, it feels like 8 hour-long episodes are too short for such a big cast.

The actors were great. I love the cast. The acting was fantastic. Same with the costume department, music department, sound, lighting, etc. But maybe the editing department can allow for longer episodes.

For Nicola and Luke's long press tour to come to an abrupt halt where we got doses of their lovely friendship, for part 2 to drop with an ending that needed some extra scenes, and to hear the next season won't be until 2026 all on the same day - was challenging to digest. Interestingly, I do feel some sadness, similarly to how I felt when Game of Thrones ended.

So yeah, I loved Polin and I loved big parts of this season. I still love this show because I love the characters, even if I wished the season had ended differently. But the season just needed more Polin. I look forward to rewatching their scenes together.

Okay, rant over =)

[the-words-we-sung]

Thoughts and pictures - S3E4

I've never been that slow with a Young Royals rewatch >< It's hard for me to get through this season (especially now that I'm in the last 3 episodes...)

And here we go, starting directly with a very sad Simon 😞 Omar plays a crying Simon way too well, it breaks my heart every damn time...

I like hearing Wilhelm call Simon his boyfriend 🥰 Also is it me, or do we have a lot more close up shots in season 3? (No clue if that's what it's called, I mean shots that are very zoomed in on their faces like this one.)

Vincent drawing a dick on the ground, of course... And I don't get his explanation: "why even try if there's no reward for the effort?". It means if the school closes, they all won't graduate and have to do their grade all over again? Surely if they're taking tests and all, it counts for something? Why fail an important test and take the risk to fail your year? 🤔 (Not gonna lie, most of Vincent's reactions to what's happening to the school this season left me quite perplexed ^^') And if it's just the graduation ceremony that is cancelled, it still doesn't mean they're not graduating, does it? 🤔

But can you really Simon?

And Wilhelm repeating his mother's words "it's a privilege, not a punishment" breaks my heart >< (Also I'm gonna be a little shit about it but even the Royals have a choice in the end about accepting or not their role and job: after all, Wille is gonna renounce it in 2 episodes :p)

I do like what he said about the role of the royal family in Sweden! We have very little information on that in the show so I appreciate it here. And he looks so pretty in this light!

Wilhelm sounded so surprised that Farima said yes immediately when he told her they needed to help Simon. He was expecting to have to fight them on that.

Why did he have to delete his whole account? Why not just put it on private? (I know I've read in several fanfics the idea that searching and deleting through all the new people who followed him before going on private would be too much of a hassle but I feel like it's a stretch, and an acceptable price to pay to keep his account?)

Their conversation about Wilhelm's choice of foundation makes me so so sad! I had hoped that he would see Simon's point of view on how he can use his role as Crown Prince to try and make things better! I was actually pretty surprised that he was 100% not interested. It's a new facet of Wilhelm's personality that we hadn't really seen before I guess? And it feels like it creates a serious gap between them, it shows that they're not on the same page at all about a pretty serious subject (which is not good for the future of their relationship...)

This shot of these 3 made me laugh :p

This one hurts... Another crack in their relationship 😩 Simon is realizing how different they are. He knew they were but this season is showing us a side of Wilhelm that just seems incompatible with Simon :/ It's not just differences in tastes or personality, now it's differences in their core values also. And that is a huge problem.

So we learn that Simon mostly avoided Micke for Sara's sake. Or maybe he's exaggerating that fact because he's really angry at her.

The sit-in scene is very funny, they're all so dramatic, thinking they might starve to death xD I didn't think that August's eating disorder would be confirmed this way! Also I guess Vincent does have ADHD then? It was not just an excuse to get pills.

"Because we are different?" Yeah... that's what this episode is really about, how different you both are. Which wouldn't be an issue for me if it was less about such important matters :/ I wish we had seen them learn more from each other this season, instead of being in conflict to much.

I agree with Felice that it's getting out of hand! (I still enjoy the whole thing though 😁). I don't dislike Stella as much as a lot of people seem to, but I don't like her in this scene and how she talks to Felice!

Cutest scene of the episode.

I adore this scene. It makes me want to cry. I love them both and I'm so happy that they're slowly finding their way back to each other <3

"Erik was there." This sceeeeene!! Such a punch in the face, so fucking terrible >< (So well acted also!!)

Another trauma for my poor boy...

So lots of mixed feelings with this episode! I'm very frustrated with Wilhelm and his reactions, but I love the Sara arc. I really like the end of the episode, with some very good scenes. But now I really don't wanna go watch the next one ><

[kaythejay]

Sometimes I forget just how privileged my life is as a queer person. I mean, I live in the US. It is completely legal here. When my partner and I decide to tie the knot, we will be able to do so. Though I am old enough to remember when that became legal, so I'm not in any deniability about the fact that I know it can be taken away (especially knowing that Roe v. Wade has already been taken away and they will certainly do the same to Hodges v. Obergefell if given the chance). But regardless, I do not have to worry about going to jail or getting killed because of my sexuality.

I have a lot of family that supports me. My partner's entire family has been absolutely wonderful in accepting me into their family. I mean, her mom has already started calling me her daughter-in-law, and we're still several years out from that being true (mostly for financial reasons/I'm still in school because I changed my major and added time to my degree). My grandma is always asking about my partner because she absolutely adores her. The reason I don't really talk to my parents has nothing to do with the fact that I'm gay (they like my partner more than they like me). They don't care about the gay thing, there's just a lot of other stuff that happened while I was growing up (before I even knew what gay was) that makes it hard to talk to them.

I'm growing up in an era where queer pride is becoming more and more mainstream. I know a lot of young kids whose parents have gone out of their way to teach them about queerness and that it is ok. There's one kid that I knew that was even taught things beyond the "basics" (he knows what pansexual means for example). Rainbow capitalism is proof that the world is shifting. I can walk into Target right now and get myself a bold (though, admittedly probably ugly) pride outfit. When I was little, that just was not a thing.

I get to see the shift in how controversy is handled with celebrities. For example, the whole thing with JoJo Siwa at the moment is all about her as a person, not the fact that she kissed a girl in her latest music video. When I was little, if you were gay, you had to hide it or be ridiculed for that reason.

And honestly, in my day-to-day, I really don't have to think about it that much. I mean, if I'm out in public with my partner I still have to think about if we're in a safe space if I wanted to like. Hold her hand or anything because we do live in a red state, so we're not 100% safe from being harassed. However, I don't have to think that much about it otherwise.

I mean I will once I'm a teacher (and my partner who has just gotten her teaching license has already talked to me a lot about that). I have a friend who is teaching in a district that simply putting a poster up that has a rainbow on it (even if it has nothing to do with pride) is enough to get yourself put under fire. She got into trouble for introducing herself with her pronouns (and she's a cis, straight woman, no queer shenanigans going on there).

J talks to me a lot about the fact that she feels bad that she can't about me in a professional environment like a straight couple could. She assures me that it is not because she doesn't want to. But honestly I have to remind her that like. I avoid the topic probably even more than she does. I haven't been out for nearly as long as she has, so I haven't gotten as comfortable with people knowing that stuff as she has. She's also talked to her mom about it, but her mom doesn't fully understand that it is a safety thing. J's mom's response is almost always "I don't really talk about my husband much either." She kind of struggles to understand the point of "but you could if you wanted to without repercussions." Whereas if me or J tells the wrong person that we have a lady partner, we've immediately put ourself (and possibly the other) in danger. Sometimes I forget just how deep the danger goes.

But then things happen.

People in our dorm have put notes on our door (because we were ✨roommates✨) that were less than kind. We had to get our RA and RLC involved, but they couldn't do anything since there aren't cameras in our building. But boy did my RLC want to (she's also a queer lady, freaking awesome, Imma miss her when I'm over RA-ing in a different building). And I'll be honest with you. Even in our dorm, we were super, super careful about how we presented ourselves because we knew it wasn't safe. And still, someone with ill intentions somehow found out about us.

Someone crawls into your Tumblr inbox to call your slurs and tell you that you're faking for attention and that you'll never understand what it really means to be gay. Only for them to disappear when you turn the anonymity off.

Someone yelled "faggots" at us out of a car window while we were all decked out heading to lunch after the pride parade.

And I know, I know I'm incredibly lucky that that is the extent of the harassment that I've faced because of my sexuality.

But honestly it just goes to show just how important pride, and pride month as a whole, still is to this day.

For me, pride is a huge celebration of who I am as a whole person. It is the one time of year when I can take the mask off completely and just feel free to be me, knowing that I'm safe from judgement. Like my partner was saying the other day, I don't really realize just how much of myself that I sanitize for the majority's consumption until I'm at a pride event and am no longer doing any of that. There's certain ways that I would carry myself/dress/etc if I didn't have to worry about the people around me saying or worse doing something to me just because they pick up on my queerness.

Pride events are a chance to be around a very large group of other queer people. It is a chance to show people who are important to me a massive aspect of my life in a way that isn't sanitized for public consumption. It's a place where we get to be freaks and weirdos and not have to worry about getting looks. Because honestly for as weird as you might look, there's someone not all that far away that looks even weirder and it is so freaking cool to get to see.

But pride is so much more than that. They're also an "in your face" of the people who hate us. It is a show that we are not going to back down and stop being who we are as people just because people don't approve of our "lifestyle." It is the community banding together to welcome everyone who is accepting and protect people from those who aren't. It is a place for "baby gays" to find that it is ok to be be queer and find their place in the world.

I hope you all have a happy pride month, whether you are celebrating out and proud, or hidden in the closet.

[skyburger]

"fnaf is the scariest game ever" "no its silent hill" "well i think its resident evil" everyone shut up!!!!!! youre all wrong. its actually zack & wiki quest for barbaros' treasure (on the nintendo wii) but only the level "keeper of the ice". that level scared me so bad as a kid and you can tell because its the only individual level i remember the name of off the top of my head. like there is nothing scarier than a) being chased and b) being on a time limit. and you know what this level has? BOTH OF THOSE. this level is still scary to me im like AHHHHH!!!! and then i die

[queenlucythevaliant]

I'm watching Star Wars with my roommate, she hasn't seen any of it and she is completely unspoiled I am LIVING