#and no this is not to minimize trans struggles or to say that those anxieties and fears and discrimination aren’t hard

[rubyscarbuncle]

I’m trans, and that’s so fucking awesome.

“Oughhh but I feel awful and I face constant discrimination” not to minimize that, but maybe that’s not where the story ends, maybe my life doesn’t have to be about the shitty parts, maybe my life doesn’t just have to be the hurdles I’m jumping over and the people that I’m stuck dealing with.

Maybe I can love that i am a part of something bigger, that I am a part of a group of people that would rather etch their true name on their tombstone than be someone they’re not. That I am someone who has deeply explored themselves as a person and is constantly changing and growing and loving myself in new ways and with a sincerity and exploration that no one else can in the same way. I’m constantly reinventing myself and enjoying the person, not only that I’m turning into but that I am right now, albeit with the challenges that come with it. And fuck anyone else.

I’ve been spending too long focusing on my anxieties and trying to “become” a girl or “pass” as a woman. Too long saying that I’m not enough as a girl until I pass or treating transness as this “condition” I’ve been straddled with that makes me worse off compared to a cis woman, but I’m me, and I’ll live and breathe and love life to my own tune, and I will die to that tune, and i don’t care who the fuck doesn’t jam to it because it’s not their life. I have been given this opportunity to love myself and claw a home into this body of mine by force if I have to, and that’s something I can always take pride in.

I’m trans, and that’s so so so fucking awesome

[nekropsii]

asking you this since you’re the only person who understands mituna in the entire fandom in my perception of the hs fandom

is it okay to headcanon mituna as autistic? sorry if you get this type of ask a lot/have already answered this type of ask

Instead of answering this question, I will give some food for thought: Mituna has a TBI. He has Brain Damage. This is a core element of his character. Probably the biggest one. In fact, it's so important to him that it's an injury that has remained with him in death. His TBI is a huge, huge part of what makes him... Well, him. It's why he's interesting.

So... Why is a need felt to also declare him as Autistic? Assuming this is a projection thing, since it tends to be most of the time - if you relate to him for his already canonical Neurodivergency, which is Brain Damage, why does one need to give him Autism as well?

Oftentimes when people headcanon him as Autistic, they tend to minimize or even outright erase his TBI. Oftentimes, people say he's Autistic as the reason he's canon Neurodivergent representation... Even though he's shown no real signs of it, but instead is fully written as a character with a Frontal Lobe Injury, and is constantly stated to have Brain Damage.

TBIs and other Neurodivergencies are often seen as less palatable than Autism. On Tumblr especially, it's far more "acceptable" to be Autistic or ADHD or headcanon a character as such than it is to have Brain Damage or literally any other Neurodivergency or acknowledge that a character is written with those. Autism and ADHD are seen as cute and relatable - even though they're very complex and at times devastating disabilities that do have the potential to seriously fuck up your livelihood, much like Depression and Anxiety, and I'm saying this as someone who has and struggles with all 4 - and are often used to erase the presence of other Neurodivergencies. Hell, it's to the point where people use "Neurodivergency" as a synonym for ADHD and Autism.

Again, I'm not going to answer this question for you. I think there's a way someone could potentially make the narrative of Mituna having Autism prior to the TBI compelling - the TBI has essentially stripped him of his ability to mask, after all, so one could make it be a situation where some of these symptoms are ones he already had, but is only just now really getting shit for because he's no longer able to hide it, and part of that tragedy is knowing that had he never been good at masking, his "friends" would have never accepted him. You could get some interesting questions about that. Was the repression worth it? Would it have been better if he'd just been himself the whole time? I think it's extremely valuable to ask yourself why you see any character as any specific minority - necessary, even - and how that affects not only the character's writing in its original text, but also your relationship with said character. Consider optics. Consider the way in which this character is meant to function in the source material. What purpose do they serve, and what is the driving force behind this character? Is Occam's Razor applicable? Are there other explanations as to why they are the way they are? Perhaps ones that are more succinct, and cover more ground?

Yesterday, I watched a film that has provoked a response in Tumblr that I think is applicable. I Saw The TV Glow. It's a film about a Trans Girl who never finds the strength to accept herself or come out. It's an incredibly gut-wrenching watch. It made me cry several times, and there are parts that made me feel a deep pain in my chest. I sat through 95% of the film with a pit in my stomach. I had to lay on the floor in the dark for a while after I finished. There's a scene where the main character is asked whether she likes girls or boys. She says she thinks she likes TV shows, and elaborates by saying that every time she tries to think about that kind of thing, it feels like someone's cutting her open and shoveling out her insides until there's nothing left. Not that there was anything in there to start with, of course - she says she knows there isn't, but she's too scared to look for herself and see.

That scene was about how Gender Dysphoria can completely disrupt your sexuality and repulse you from the thought of that level of connection with others, because it is, in essence, a deep disturbance with the nature of who you are as a person. Many people who are Asexual, or Aromantic, or both, related to that scene because it, on the surface, depicts discomfort with romance and sexuality. What they failed to understand by chalking it up to its own sexuality, is the fact that that scene wasn't depicting a Sex-Repulsed Asexual, or a Romance-Repulsed Aromantic, it was depicting a Trans Girl who is at such deep odds with herself and her identity that she cannot grapple with the concept of loving or being loved.

What, functionally, is the purpose of slapping an extraneous label onto a character that is meant to depict a certain thing? What is the purpose of assigning the label of "Autistic" to a character meant to depict the tragedy of a loss of support after gaining a disability, or "Aromantic" or "Asexual" to a character meant to depict a deep internal struggle with unresolved Gender Dysphoria?

Ask yourself these questions, and carry on from there. See where your mind takes you.

[rising----above]

#1: a long, raw, overdue explanation of why you’re not alone

I’ve thought time and time again how to start this off. There are so many things I want to say���things I want people to understand.

One thing I’ve come to learn, through years of searching for an answer, is no one can really understand yourmind and it’s twisted, but ever so beautiful ways, but you, and even THAT is a battle.

But that doesn’t mean you’re in it alone.

This was a tough one for me. Constantly searching beyond myself for the answer, the cure, the secret to recovery that I so desperately told everyone I wanted when, shamefully, it was the one thing I feared most. So I looked for someone or something to give me the answer for this, whatever this even was. That wasn’t going to come. No one could save me, and I think I always knew that. I’ll explain:

For years, I put every ounce of my energy (which was minimal) toward hiding my eating disorder from everyone I knew. I’d lie about what I was doing during dinner, what I did or didn’t eat. I’d lie about how good I felt.

I didn’t feel good.

I even forgot what good could feel like. I was so wrapped up in putting on a face, that I soon convinced myself that this— this life altering disease, was who I was.

Not a minute went by where I wasn’t thinking about food; what I ate, what I was going to eat, when I would eat, what I would do to work it off, what other people were eating, what other people were doing, what other people were thinking. I spent my time creating these calculations and justifications in my head that if I took my first bite in exactly 7 minutes, I would allow myself another 5 minutes later. Then while eating that meal, I’d decide what time was appropriate to have my snack at night and when I’d have to finish this meal so it was ok. At one point, it would take me 2 hours to eat my nowhere-near-adequate meal for reasons I don’t wish to relive. Sounds invigorating, doesn’t it?

Now, my patterns will be entirely different than yours. My rigid routines were tailored to feed myICF (see explanation below). My eating disorder. My depression. My anxiety. My mood swings. But know this; I hear you. I understand what it’s like to feel swallowed and I can listen. I’ve got you.

And for that reason, you are never alone.

It’s hard to explain what it’s really like. I’ve been asked, but the best answer I can come up with is this, and I think anyone anywhere can relate to it:

Picture a little voice inside your head. Louder than your typical “devil on the shoulder,” but not so loud that reality begins to fade. That voice is your inner control freak, ICF for short. We all have her, our personal con artist, but how she manifests is what makes her unique.

She tries to perfect my life as she sees fit, and then doing everything in her power to hold on. What sucks about ICF? I created her. And you created yours, and because of that, ICF is powerful.

She knows everything about me. She knows how to make me believe lies, how to create fake, bullshit stories to convince me that I don’t need to eat lunch today. That I don’t need rest. That I can run that extra mile when my knees scream it’s enough. That I should stay in because my friends are going out to eat. That I don’t need friends. That no one understands. That I don’t deserve what’s out there beyond her control, because she knows best. It’s exhausting to fight her, so I succumb. I let her take the lead because it’s easy, comfortable and, dare I say, even safe.

I saw my ICF for the wicked witch that she is. And right now, saying all this, it’s ok with her. She thinks I won’t do anything about it. In fact, she knows I won’t because that’s how it’s been. Usually she’s right.

We are creatures of habit, so we often find comfort in keeping things as they are, with fear that change will bring unsteadiness and ultimately, discomfort. These obstacles, and the thoughts we create around them based off past experience, are what keep us in our tracks. Keep our ICF in charge. But to grow, we need to break out of these habits (whether healthy or unhealthy– habits aren’t all bad) and continue on the path we were born to pursue. It doesn’t matter if we’ve strayed from the path throughout our years here on earth. Who cares where you started! It’s where you are now and where you want to go. That push, that effort and that faith in what you are doing is often uncomfortable for the sole reason it’s not what we are used to. The idea of getting comfortable with being uncomfortable is unfathomable for some.

That’s why when she has your control, it seems impossible to break. I let her define who I was through my eating disorder. She convinced me that without her, I’d be lost. Without her, I’d break into a million pieces. Without her, I was nothing. She let me think I was in control, so losing it was my biggest fear. I was in a trans. And once I finally saw it as a problem, it became even darker. She put up the fight of her life.

They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. I think it’s a little different. Once you realize you have a problem, it then becomes a battle between your wise mind and your eating disorder mind (or ICF for a better generalization). The constant back of forth of, “I’m tired I don’t want to work out” and “Get up you’re just lying to you self.” The “I’m absolutely starving I want to eat” versus “You can make it a couple more hours. Then maybe a couple more”. And worse, the “I don’t want to live like this anymore” against “You can’t change who you are.”

Nasty.

To me, that’s when it really starts. The second you jump into the arena and get ready for the challenge. The darkness really comes in at this point. When you start seeing how sadistic your ICF is and how she manifests within you.

At this point, I hadn’t slept in years; constantly weighed down by bricks on my chest, a tightness in my throat, the undeniable self-loathing powering over the small, small want to be free. My wise mind trying to peep her head in and say this is all wrong. This is not who I am. This is not who I want to be.

ICF is a strong mother fucker and she pushes my wise mind right back into her hole. ICF has to be the one in control at all times, so she uses all that she has to make sure you stay exactly where you are.

Here, my friends, is where you start to see your own strength. It comes in a weird way.

I never let myself feel. Ever.

Focusing on my eating disorder was way easier than facing the emotions I tried so hard to avoid. My eating disorder became, so I thought, my purpose in life. When I say my ICF is a conniving bitch, I mean she’s a conniving bitch. She found me at a time when I was lost; I had no idea who I was or what I could become. At a time I believed I had no reason for being here.

I was a scared girl who believed emotions were for the weak, or that simply I didn’t have them. So when they started brewing all those years ago, instead of facing them, I pushed them down so far that it woke up my ICF. This was her chance. And she roared.

4 years I let her reign.

I don’t find sharing the gruesome details of my restricting, purging, depression, anxiety... and so the list goes on, to be entirely helpful (however, if it will be to you, please reach out) but God, those were the hardest times of my life. The worst part? No one had any idea how bad it really was. No one knew how fucked up my ICF was and how brainwashed I was to her. Nor could I explain it. I’m still working on that part. Bear with me.  

Every day became a struggle. I remember one day in particular. I walked into my doctor’s office at PSU and the minute she saw me, I burst into tears. I told her how tired I was. My body, my mind, my spirit. I was broken. My ICF had finally torn me down, and I was exhausted living this way.

But I needed a wake-up call. I was the type of person who wouldn’t DARE ask for help. Venting felt unnatural. I was (and am!) the best listener there was and loved nothing more than helping people feel safe, comfortable and loved. I never got that back because I never let it. People tried, but I pushed. I diverted. I pretended things were ok when they weren’t. I was a master at masking and painting the face I wanted others to see. I could’ve fooled anyone, and I’m not proud of it.

Treatment wasn’t even an option. I can do it myself, I thought. And I did one time! I got my weight up, but that didn’t mean I was recovered. It was just another way for me to convince everyone I was ok. And honestly, no one thought to ask anymore. It went under the rug. That is until my weight went right back down. Old habits don’t just disappear.

So then it came; I fainted and landed myself a concussion. Boom. The wake-up call arrived, and it wasn’t pretty.

Admittedly, I was high, so it was easy to tell people I “greened out.” But this had happened to me a few years back, and now again for the same reason. I had eaten close to nothing that day but this time, I collapsed back onto my head.

I neglected my body for so long-- so damn long that to get my attention, it had to scream and shout and throw me in a hospital.

My friends saw it as a concussion. The people who knew of my ED saw it for what it really was. A relapse like no other. A relapse that was winning. It was time for change. It was time to stop trying to fool everyone. I could preach time and time again about living authentically, but what a fraud I was. I believed it true for everyone but myself, and I couldn’t live that way any longer. I had never been so scared.

With little choice, I finally broke down and joined a program and fuck, did that feel harder than the eating disorder itself. Why? It made no sense to me. Wasn’t I here to feel good?

In short yes, but what was happening, for one of the first times in my life, was I let myself truly FEEL. And I felt EVERYTHING. The good, the bad, the ugly. I felt it everywhere on body and each emotion weighed me down for what my mind took literally. I felt hopeful, hopeless, lost, found, depressed, joyful, anxious, calm, defeated, motivated, lonely, yet connected. It was overwhelming to say the least.

But god did I need it. While getting your physical health down pat is the first priority (without it, your brain functions malnourished and recovery is harder than it needs to be), the mental part is where the challenge comes in. This is where you ACTUALLY have to LISTEN to what fight goes on between your wise mind and eating disorder mind, or your ICF. Where you have to help pull your wise mind out of the hole. Where you have to abandon everything that has given you comfort, purpose and meaning for the last who knows how many years. Again, we are creatures of habit, and breaking one is not easy. This was a pretty big one.

What treatment showed me was that there is a life beyond whatever war my mind was fighting that day. It showed me the power of love, of support. The power of connection.

Human connection is the most incredible thing we can harness on this earth, and I lost it for a while. I’m happy to say I found it again, but in the last place I thought to look; within myself.

I started to see the world not as my worst enemy, but instead my biggest fan. I realized so much of my time was spent on my eating disorder that I believed she had all the answers.

I started to listen to the little voice, my voice, trying to push its way through my eating disorder mind. Pushing through my ICF and through the thoughts, the lies, the pain, the guilt, the blame, the torture. Through all of THAT, my voice, my wise mind, was still finding a way to push out from the layers of debilitating, self-loathing, incomprehensible bullshit I created to cloud all that I was, all that I am, and all that I desire to be. I felt (or rather, feel) so small when she is in control when I once felt so large. I felt powerless when I once felt on top of the world. I felt fearful when I once felt safe. And that’s where it gets fucked up. She creates those euphoric feelings to trap you into thinking this is what you need to be alive. She tells you that this is who you are. It’s better this way.

It’s how it all starts.

Thinking you run the show, to only find out there were these small, hidden strings attached to you all along. THIS ISN’T ME. I started to speak louder.  

In treatment, I got hit with this feeling of anger. A feeling of disgust with myself for doing this to my mind and my body. I damaged my vessel.I took parts from a whole and never put them back. How could I do this to the vehicle that carries me through life? That sparks my creativity? That allows me to connect, feel and grow with others? That gives me purpose? HOW?

Because I never believed I could have all those things.  

I asked this question time in and time out, dwelling on the why and the how. So fixated on what could’ve possibly started this vicious cycle, a question that has plagued me every minute I’ve lived with my eating disorder. I was convinced that the only way to recover or to live separate from her was to know why she came in the first place. I let the confusion take over, and it blocked my wise mind from rising.

Then, I let these feelings of anger surface. I even let them out and spoke with my peers. This was a huge step for me, and together we came to the conclusion that maybe I haven’t forgiven myself.

I made a mistake. It might be a little bigger than forgetting to turn the light off when leaving a room, but it is by no means permanent or irreversible. That’s why treatment exists. Because there is life beyond the disorder, but holding on will only keep you from reaching it.

That’s when it all came, but slowly. Here is how it happened:

1.    Maybe it’s not about understanding my eating disorder and where she came from, but instead a forgiveness for what I let her do.She is immensely complex. Craft-like, one might say. She wants me to become so fixated in understanding her and finding an answer because one doesn’t exist. It’s just another one of her traps! If I focus all my energy on unraveling the past and reliving all the bad, I’ll never let myself see the beauty right in front of me or the opportunities that lie ahead.

2.    I automatically assumed that the problem was I didn’t understand the root of my eating disorder. I’ve been studying the chakra system quite intensely. Not to get crazy detailed, but the root chakra, muladhara, is all about grounding and survival. Finding that foundation, or your roots, will give you stability and security to grow. A malfunction associated with a blocked or imbalanced root chakra is, by no coincidence, eating disorders. It makes a lot of sense; when you’re malnourished, your mind is everywhere at once, leaving you in a constant state of fatigue, incredible stress, constant insecurity and questioning of where your roots begin and who you are. Sometimes, you look to a higher power for the answers. Or try to focus on higher chakras to get this level of purity we all desire. But, without roots, even the smallest of winds will send you flying from the ground. I didn’t understand the root of my eating disorder. I had no idea where she came from. I thought this was my ungrounding. If I can understand, I’ll be free.

BULLSHIT.

3.    THE BOOM— MY EATING DISORDER IS NOT WHO I AM.Her roots are not my roots. We don’t share this. She is not me, I am not her, so what will knowing her roots– her motives, change? I still went through years of it, I still have anger I need to forgive, and I’m still here, right now, going through treatment to repair the years of harm I did, or let her do, on my mind and body. It changes nothing! It’s like when you take the garbage out. You don’t stop to look through everything that’s in the bag because you know its trash and it needs to go. I heard that at my yoga training and it stuck, I just didn’t know how to do it. What I do know? My eating disorder needs to fucking go. It’s time to learn what MY roots are. Who NINA is, not Nina with an eating disorder. Just Nina. The Nina who wants to come into her own and find the authenticity so desperately trying to fight its way out. The Nina who has a light that’s ready to shine.

To do this, I must forgive myself, and those around me, because there is no one person or thing to blame. No one forced to me throw my dinner up all those years ago. No one forced to me create the most complex system of when to and when not to eat. No one forced me to restrict until fainting. No one forced me to do any of this. And it’s time to let go of the desire to find it.

I’m not sure I ever knew what grounding really was, making me so vulnerable to her reign. What led up to that? Good luck finding it somewhere in the first 18 years of my life. It’s the needle in a haystack.

It’s a blessing, really. I get to start over in a sense— I get to reframe and redefine the way that I live and the foundation I want to build from.

She’s finally starting to get quieter.

Funny, it doesn’t sound like it’s got a whole lot to do with food now, right? Because it doesn’t.

We need food to survive, so with this, you can’t just take the ‘problem’ away. Instead, you have to mend your relationship with it. Much like mending the one with yourself. For me, it manifested this way because food was something I could control and something I love. Naturally, my ICF came swooping in and made her move. It was a clear way to get me to feel in control, to feel purposeful. Like I said, conniving little bitch that ICF of mine.

If you’re struggling tell yourself this: Food is not the enemy. Believe it.  

Do I wish I never had my eating disorder? Honestly, no.

I don’t know if I would’ve found my true passion if it wasn’t for my ED; and that’s my yoga. The practice quite literally saved me from the darkest year of my life.

Through it, I found I was put on this earth to make people smile. I was put here to spread a message of joy and lead people to be the best version of themselves possible. I just had to take care of myself first. Otherwise, how authentic could I really be?

My yoga training changed me. It made me feel vulnerable for all the right reasons. It made me feel strong, fulfilled, loved, connected--on top of the freaking world. I had found the direction I wanted to follow and got such a good taste of it that I craved more. More of the authenticity.

I had the tools, but I still needed to believe I deserved to use them. I started to pry open the wounds. I started to heal. I fell back, but I got up again. Life does that. The trick is not to stay down.

So now, I’m here, and everything is falling into place. I see the greatness and I’m going after it because I deserve it.

I do. I really do. I’m eternally grateful.

Let me be clear on one thing, the work is nowhere near done. I have coping strategies, I have my meditation practice, mantras, morning pages—I have a toolbox that I can dig into when things get hard, because there is no doubt it will. It ishard. But this time it’s different. This time, I’m committed. I’m so damn proud to say that. I’m on this journey and I’m loving where it’s taking me because I got clear. I see it, and I’m working to manifest it.

Our bodies are a gift. Food is a gift. This life is a gift. Do things for your body because you’re so in love with all it lets you do. Most importantly, stop letting society label what’s good and what’s bad because those terms are completely relatively, and only you know the answer. Trust your intuition when it’s talking to you. Don’t make it yell.  

Now, I let my body be. I let my mind be. For so long I was just trying to be the ____ est. The smartest, the skinniest, the fittest, the healthiest, the prettiest, the funniest, the wisest, the funnest, the coolest, the yoga-est. We all have the an -est we’re chasing.

And how tiring that is!

So many doors open the moment you stop holding yourself to this standard of physicality, or what society says you should be. Our appearance may be what initially draws attention, one may argue, but when it comes down to what reallymatters--human connection, energetic drawing, creating relationships… LOVE, looks can’t get you that. And that’s the shit that’s real.  

When appearance stops defining who you are and what you can do, things start to look a bit brighter. The clouds clear, the sun shines, the birds sing, people smile; you start to notice what’s been there all along. Joy.

The second you start focusing on yourself and doing you, and I mean really, truly doing you, your eyes open.

Vulnerability is the scariest thing in the world. Not because of what we can’t do, but because it just might bring out our truest potential. Why is that so scary? Because it could shake everything you’ve known; the stories you’ve told yourself will no longer serve you. They hid you from the truth and buried you further into shame. Today we say no more.

It could mean quitting the job you’ve had for years. It could mean flying across the world to try a famous dish. It could mean stepping away from the people you’ve always been by. It’s not all pretty, but when you start doing you, you start attracting what’s meant for you and shed what’s not. To me, that’s all we can ask for. Authenticity is sexy!!!!!!!

Lately, there have been major signs from the universe, or slaps in the face rather, for me to grow some balls and share. Things have been jumping out at me in ways that can only be synchronicity in the works. We’re all fighting or have fought battles of own. We are not alone, but until we rise above and come together, the stigma will reign and make us feel so.

Today, I am choosing to rise above. To share, connect, instill hope. Hope that things will get better, but also comfort that it doesn’t happen over-night. Hell, it doesn’t happen over a few months. This is a damn life’s work, and you are doing it. When you choose to jump into vulnerability head on, you embrace challenge and you face hardship. Coming into your own is not an easy process. Whoever says otherwise clearly hasn’t done it.

For the last few years, I’ve been wearing a mantra band that reads “Rise Above.” It’s been with me all along; to finally rise toward a place of clarity where the clouds can fog no more. Where judgements fade, shame dissolves and compassion leads.

Make the choice to live with love and go after it. Be courageous. It can bring joy like you’ve never experienced. Know you are worthy of that. Say it to yourself and fuel it here, right now. The world is handing you an invitation. It’s time to accept it. To change your thoughts is to change your life.

That’s the secret. Manifest whatever it is you want in life and really, really believe it with everything you’ve got. Ignore your ICF. She will silence. I promise.

Today, I rise above and I invite you all to join me. It’s okay to be scared. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.

I’m here on this blog because I want to do me. What the hell am I scared of? No more trying to be the _____ -est. Actually, just one. Realest. That’s what I’m trying to be. And what a ride it’s been so far.

Life is unpredictable and we don’t have a minute to waste living in a world without love. Without joy. To live with love isto live. It’s as simple as that.

I choose to live; for myself, for my family, for everyone doing all that they can with what they have because it’s enough. It’s enough to feel love, spread joy and express gratitude.

To those who stayed when I pushed, thank you. To those who have gone, thank you. To those who have come, thank you. To those who I’ve yet to meet, thank you. Each day I’m reminded how precious life is and how kind and giving the universe can be when you open yourself to receiving its gifts.

Open your eyes! See, feel, experience with all that you are and don’t for a second make yourself smaller for anyone or anything.  

Today I tell myself I am loved. Today is a good day. Remember that, and go make your debut. The world is waiting.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am so grateful for this breath, body, mind and spirit. I’m grateful for yours, too.

And together, we rise above.

Sending the highest vibrations to you all,

Nina

1/27/2020

[biotic-raptorian-angel]

Angst, #11, and if i can ask for it, Trans!Fareeha!

ANGST11: “Nobody’sseen you in days.”

Caramel eyes stared back at him as helooked in the mirror, running fingertips along his jawline andtilting his head from side to side. Dysphoria was a bitch when it hitnearly every morning, but he was taking steps to minimize it finallywith the help of Angela.

Grabbing up the olive green binder, hepulled it over his head and tugged it into place. The squeeze it hadon his chest was comforting in a way, flattening it and hiding someof the things that plagued his mind behind fabric with enough tech init to power his Raptora suit. Taking a deep breath, he hit the smalluplink button on his prosthetic and a pattern glowed across his chestwithin the fabric of the binder. It squeezed then loosened thenadjusted itself properly to his size. Six more deep breaths confirmedthe setting and that it was tight enough to do its job withoutcausing him any harm in the process.

Lifting his chin up, his gaze fell onhis uniform that had been hanging on the back of his door for whatseemed like an eternity. But four days had passed. Four days he hadto come up with excuses for why he needed to keep visiting Angela inher med bay and her personal lab. Four days that he spent hiding awayuntil the binder was finished. Today was the testing day. Today hegot to feel more like who he was on the inside, now on the outside.

Sliding his legs and arms into theuniform, everything fit like normal. Everything except his shirt andbutton up half. They seemed far too loose for regulation and at firsthe was confused until he stepped back in front of the mirror. Theimage he saw brought him to tears instantly.

Running his hands over his now flatchest, tears streamed down along his cheeks.

Finally he looked more like himselfthan he had in the past thirty two years of his life. He quicklywiped away the tears and tucked his shirts into his pants, pleatingcertain areas to look less messy. One final satisfied look in themirror gave him the courage to step out from his personal quarters.

A shaky hand now reached for themechanism, squeezing it into a fist and taking a deep breath, he slidthe door open. Looking up and down the hallway, it was empty andsilent. Void of anything except the occasional announcement over thespeaker systems, his heart was the loudest thing now, beating heavyand rapid in his chest so badly it felt as though it'd burst.

Rushing now down the white tiled hall,his boots produced a staccato that kept him lost in thought as hetook turn after turn to end up in the med bay area. Turning down thehallway that split Moira's and Angela's personal labs, he looked leftand saw the Irishwoman through glass windows and glanced right to seeAngela within her lab tinkering with something herself.

Angela's bright blue eyes caughtsomeone standing in the hallway out of the corner of her vision andas she turned, a soft smile crossed her plush lips.

Finally.

She set down herclipboard and pen to motion for Fareeha to follow her down the hallto the doors. Sliding the one from her own lab open, she wrapped herarms around his waist and pulled him into a soft hug.

“It's nice tofinally see you out of your quarters Reeha.”

Taking a step backto examine her handy work, she smiled larger.

“I see the binderadjusted properly and has worked wonders. I think you need a newwardrobe though, you don't fill this out as much as you did before.”

Her delicate handsgathered up the extra material of the shirt and a soft giggle escapedher.

He blushed slightlyat her hug but wrapped his own strong arms around her, the comment onhis uniform caused a bit of anxiety to spark up.

“yeah, I wasn'texpecting THIS much of a difference, but yeah I guess it's time toadjust to how things will be now. I wonder how much of my clotheswill end up in the same boat. How has Moira been? I know I haven'tbeen around these past few days and we never told her anything. Howdo you think she'll take it.”

Angela glanced overat Moira who was buried deep into her own experiments which meant shewouldn't stop until hunger or sharp distraction struck.

“Considering whoshe is, I'm surprised you're worried about how she will react at all.She will always see you as her love. You are the strong, loyal andbig hearted soldier we both love without end. I know she is brash andblunt wit her comments, but you know she will always love you nomatter what.”

“I know. I justalso know how much she struggled being the kind of woman she is aswell. The things she has told me of how harsh people can be. I don'tknow if I'm strong enough for that.”

“Come on Reeha.You've survived explosions that tore apart your body. A motorcycleaccident that literally killed you. You've got no worries withsomething like this. Stand strong like you always do and know thatyou've got both of us to lean on as well.”

Angela rubbed herhand along his back to try and calm him, she could see in his eyesthe struggle his mind was having with itself.

A deep sigh gavehim the courage to step forward and leave Angela in the hallway andenter the older woman's lab. Clearing his throat, his prosthetic handrose to rest on Moira's shoulder with a soft squeeze.

Moira was so caughtup in typing in some data that she never heard the lab doors open,but the hand on her shoulder instantly drew away her attention. Shewas expecting Angela to be bothering her again about having lunch anda break, but her mismatched eyes were met with that of Fareeha.Something seemed a bit different but she couldn't put her finger onit. Standing up fully now, her eyes traced over that of Fa and theysettled on the uniform that was very ill fitting now.

“Are...are youalright daor? You seem thin and your face says you're worried aboutsomething. Nobody's seen you for days, I got worried but hoped it wasjust you needing time away because of a trigger. How are you?”

Fareeha looked upat her and listened to the genuine concern in her words, taking herhand and pulling her to the private office, he sat her down on thecouch.

“I know I've beengone for a few days without any contact, but it was something Ineeded to do. Something for myself. I know we've talked about yourandrogyny before and I showed far more interest in your stories andexperiences than most. It wasn't just me trying to be an ear orsupport for you. It was because I've known something about myself foryears now and only until recently have I decided to live out thatpart of my life.”

Moira sat on thecouch and listened with concern and attention to every word out ofFareeha's mouth. But where those words were leading to had her heartbeating faster than usual.

“Fareeha it's ok.You can tell me anything, you know that. Angela and I will be righthere. Please.”

Blurting out thewords without a second thought, he winced once they left his lips.“I'm trans.”

His caramel eyesshut, as if waiting for some adverse reaction. But he was met with asoft sigh and long arms wrapping around him.

“I knew thisalready. You've always shown far more masculine interests than anyfemale soldier I've known. You have shown signs of this since I firstmet you. But this was something you had to come to a conclusion aboutyourself alone. I'm glad you finally see it and have the strength totake those first steps. Which by the way, I see you already have abinder. Angela helped you didn't she?”

Tucking fingersaround the collar of his shirts, she tugged it down slightly and lether nails drag along its surface.

“Yup. My gelsuitbody armor redesign with her Valkyrie vitals sensors built in.Brilliant Angela. Simply brilliant. Well, that's not the intended useof this design but I think you are far more worthy of it than somefoot soldier who would wreck it the first chance he got. I'm glad youfinally came to me Fa.”

His dark eyesclosed and he buried his face into her chest and began to cry.

Finally he had lethimself be himself.

[cantbelieveyouregone]

18/04/19

I don't like nights like this.

I feel sick with anxiety, and I can speculate why that is, but I have no definitive answers. And when I say feeling sick with anxiety, I'm talking anxiety levels that would have already had 2016 me in the middle of a panic attack by now. Whereas I, in 2019, having made so much progress since then... am merely on the brink of having an anxious breakdown, crying my eyes out, or both.

It could be my College work that I need to get finished within the next five weeks (but something might be due tomorrow and I also have tests which I have no revision materials for, and I'm someone that actually tries to revise).

It could be that I met a friend of my sister's yesterday, and I tried really hard to be nice and to be sociable, but as always found myself struggling for words or for knowing what to do, which always feels awful.

It could be that there's going to be a lot of people over here today, and my social anxiety still exists way too much.

It could be that there's a games event that I've heard great things about and want to go to, but there isn't much info out on what specifics will be there this year yet, so the person I need help getting transport from isn't booking anything yet (but tickets will cost twice as much if we wait too long, at which point that person definitely won't help me). God forbid I try to be more spontaneous for once, right? If it's not me stopping me, it's someone else.

It could be that there are other game and design things going to be on or already on fairly locally, but I'm too anxious to go because it still means asking for a minimal amount of transport from someone else.

It could be that I just saw a massive spider in the bathroom and I'm scared of waking up to it having relocated to my room or right next to my toothbrush (yes, I would be too anxious to brush my teeth).

It could be that I'm going to something public and social at the weekend and I'm going alone which I'd usually be okay with but after trans pride I don't trust myself to be okay.

It could be that I still need to ask for some kind of transport for the above thing, but I haven't mentioned it yet despite knowing I bought a ticket for it months ago because even slightly inconveniencing people makes me feel sick.

It could be that I've been rocketing back and forth between not sleeping at all, sleeping minimal amounts, and sleeping way too much.

It could be that I'm still overthinking about the things I wrote about on here the other day.

It could be that I feel like a completely inadequate friend to everyone I care about, and frequently wonder what the hell any of them think is worth talking to me for.

It could be that I still feel like I'm chasing a pipe dream with hoping to make a career for myself in the games industry.

It could be that I'm still angry at myself for being too scared to learn to drive (or do any of the prerequisites I would need to do to be able to even get a learner's permit).

It could be that I'm still humiliated at the fact I still feel like my mental health is far too volatile for me to get a job.

It could be that I'm still embarrassed about my general lack of life skills, and the fact I haven't moved out of my parents' house yet due to feeling like I wouldn't even survive, perishing to either external forces or internal ones.

It could be that I still constantly feel like I'm forgetting something important.

It could be anything.

It could be everything.

And... it could be nothing.

It could just be me being anxious because I'm of a naturally anxious disposition.

...I'm tired of this. So very tired of it.

I hope the people I care about are doing well, at least relatively so. Because I'm not, and if there's limited happiness to go around, I wish it all on them, and on you (if those two paths aren't the same already).

I promise, I'm not... uh, not okay... for lack of trying (side note, fuck double-negatives). I'm trying. I swear, I'm trying.

I'm just as sick of writing about me not being okay as you probably are of reading about it. But I can definitely say I'm even more sick of not being okay than I am of writing about it. So here I am.

Again.

Sorry.

[girlswillbeboys-ep]

a letter to my parents

Dear Mom & Dad,

They say the hardest step in resolving a problem is admitting you have one. I have never been the type of person to run from my problems, I usually like to fix whatever the issue is as soon as it arises so that it doesn’t build up or get worse. Time and time again, throughout my entire life, and in the last three years especially, I have been trying, by any means possible, to escape this specific problem. Despite my efforts, I haven’t been able to. For a long time now, I have been trying to build up the courage to not only come clean about this to you guys, but to myself as well. 

In short, my brain has not, does not, and will never align with the anatomical sex that I was assigned at birth. In other words, I am transgender. This diagnosis is called “Gender Dysphoria.” Unlike most other medical conditions, you can’t see what I have on the outside; blood work can’t measure it, ultrasounds can’t detect it, and MRI’s can’t scan it. Like many diseases or birth defects, there is no clear cause, although there are theories.

Popular belief outside of the medical community holds that people with “Gender Dysphoria” are merely “Gender Confused.” This is far from the truth. No one would choose to undergo something so drastic and life-altering as this. If I had the choice, I would choose for these feelings to go away and for me to be like everyone else. I am making the choice to come out to you, and to move forward with transitioning, because if I don’t I will live miserably and as something I am not for the rest of my life, and I cannot do that. Yes, I am choosing to come out and live authentically, but I am certainly not choosing to be trans. We are born with this and it is inherent with us from our earliest recollections.

This probably comes as a shock to you both, and that was never my intent. I am sorry I kept something so important and serious from you for such a long time, but because of how negatively you both initially reacted to me being a lesbian, I was too afraid. I thought to myself, “If being a lesbian was extremely difficult for them to accept, being trans will be one step too far.” I had to move out of the house before I told you in case you responded badly. I didn’t want to go through what I went through back then again, I couldn’t. I am worried that after reading this letter, that you two will no longer want to be my parents or love me at all. I am worried that you will be embarrassed of me, disgusted with me, think I’m delusional or just going through a phase. I have been living with this fear inside myself for a long time now, but now I finally have the courage to say that with or without your love and support, I am going to take the necessary steps to become who I’ve always been.

From the outside looking in, I suspect that one would have thought I lived the good life. In many ways I have, and I couldn’t be more grateful for that. They say, “never judge a book by it’s cover,” and unfortunately, you, and everyone else in my life was just seeing the cover. Inside was something much different. Nobody, not even those closest to me, could see my internal struggles and pain. I have been hurting for a long time now, but I couldn’t tell anyone out of fear of rejection.

In retrospect, I can see symptoms of me being trans from all the way back to my early childhood, as young as three years old. I will discuss this further with you if you would like. The real symptoms began around the time I started puberty, because that’s when my body began to develop in a female way and not a male way. Although I did not have the vocabulary at the time to describe what I was feeling, I now can look back and pinpoint exactly what was wrong. I was disgusted with myself due to the development of breasts specifically. While all the other girls my age were trying to emphasize their feminine bodies, I was trying to hide. At the time, I didn’t know exactly why I was so uncomfortable with myself, again, because I didn’t have the vocabulary. While most other 13 year old girls were insecure because boys didn’t like them and their boobs weren’t big enough, I was insecure because I didn’t fit in with the boys, and my boobs were growing. Most girls at that age were also insecure because they were “fat,” so I began to think that was what was wrong with me too, because what else would it be? Around this time is when I began to cut myself and starve myself; I never told anyone. I hid my pain because I didn’t understand what I was feeling, and I didn’t know what would become of me if anyone were to find out. I was ashamed of myself and how I felt. I tired to mirror the behavior of female role models and peers, thinking my actions would ultimately program my thinking. This was a false assumption, but as a child I knew no better. My brain could not relate to women, yet I kept going through the motions, playing a role so that I could be accepted. 

The feelings only continued when I got to high school. In 9th grade, I joined the basketball team, and on the team was a handful of “butch” lesbians if you will. Instantly upon meeting them, I related to them. They were girls like me, who dressed, behaved, and carried themselves in a more masculine way than other women. Before meeting them, I didn’t even know that it was possible for me to break outside of typical gender norms, especially now that I was getting older and being a “tomboy” wasn’t so normal anymore. I didn’t know that there were other people like me out there. By sophomore year, I had fully realized that I was a lesbian. I never have had any emotional or physical attraction to a male before or after that. Time went on, and I continued to dress in boys clothing and be attracted to girls. Although dressing in that way and being aware of my sexuality helped me feel far more comfortable than I was prior, those same feelings from years gone by still lingered, and got increasingly worse the more feminine my body became as it developed. Keep in mind, at this time, I was completely unaware of what transgender even was. I had never heard of the term before. Furthermore, I would try to minimize the appearance of my feminine features, such as breasts and hips, in any way I could. I would wear multiple sports bras to compress my chest and wear sweatpants or a long baggy t-shirt so that I could hide my hips. I’m going to be bluntly honest with you when I say this: I was absolutely horrified for you to find out I was a lesbian. With my Catholic upbringing, it was ingrained in me from an early age that heterosexual relationships were the only acceptable form of attraction or love. Along with that, and homophobic remarks I would hear you both occasionally make, I knew you would not be okay with it. I honestly cannot describe in words how deeply afraid I was of what would happen to me if I was to be outed. I didn’t plan on telling either of you until after I graduated from college so I wouldn’t have to deal with the repercussions, which obviously didn’t go as planned! This is around the time that I started to develop paranoia and anxiety about you finding out. I was constantly, and I mean constantly, thinking about it. For a long time, the fear would already be in my mind the moment I woke up in the morning, and wouldn’t leave until I fell asleep at night. Sometimes I would even have nightmares about it and would wake up with my heart pounding, covered in sweat. This was an extremely difficult time for me. I really struggled a lot and didn’t know how to help myself. Due to this high amount of paranoia, stress, and anxiety that was put upon me, the thoughts I had about how strongly I disliked my body were dulled, and moved their way from the front of my mind to the back. Then eventually you guys found out about my sexuality in July 2016, the summer before my senior year. Although it did take awhile, you came around eventually, especially in the past year and a half, which I am really, really happy about because I thought it would never happen. I didn’t have to worry about being outed anymore, and all that paranoia and anxiety I had been experiencing slowly faded away. I felt a weight lift off my shoulders and my heart felt lighter. Unfortunately, as those feelings faded, the thoughts about my body moved from the back of my mind to the front yet again. Toward the end of my senior year, a friend introduced me to her friend, who happened to be a female to male transgender man. This was my first time meeting a trans person, and this was the first time I became aware of the term. After meeting him and hanging out, I immediately started doing research on what being transgender was and what it entailed. Instantly, I was putting the puzzle pieces together about why I felt the way I felt. It slowly began to make sense. A few days later, I reached out to the transgender guy I had hung out with, and was telling him that I thought I could possibly be trans too, and that I wanted to know more about it from someone who is actually going through it. He started telling me about how he felt, his experiences he had as a child, feelings about his body, etc. Again, I related to everything he told me. This was almost a relief because now there was a name for what I had been feeling all along, but also horrified me because it’s a huge, life-altering change that involved medical intervention, as well as socially transitioning. But what really scared me the most about being trans was the fear that you guys wouldn’t accept me, and that you would not want to be my parents anymore. I had already been through so much with coming out as a lesbian, and I didn’t want to throw any wrenches in the gears when things just started to get better, so I kept quiet and didn’t tell anyone else for a long, long time.

I kept quiet, but I kept doing research, and the more stories I read the more I related, and the more these stories sounded like me and my life experiences. As I began to realize more and more that I was trans, I also began to be more and more afraid all over again. Afraid of what you would think, afraid of what others would think, afraid of changing my name, afraid of surgery, afraid of being discriminated against, and afraid that I was wrong about being trans all together. I worried that I was simply trying to fit in somewhere; I worried that I wanted a male body so much that I was conjuring proof of my transness by taking a bunch of unrelated issues I had throughout my life and forcing them to be trans related; taking a bunch of symptoms and deciding the root of them. Mostly I worried that there was something wrong with me and that I was trying to sabotage my own life. At the same time, though, I knew that these thoughts always started up late at night, when I had a bad day, and that if I transitioned I’d be alone, die alone, and never be loved again. In other words, I was terrified of a future I didn’t know. Still, knowing that fear was likely the cause of my doubt, it took me a year of back and forth, a year of confiding in friends I could trust, and a year of therapy to finally sit down and write this letter. Getting to this point has been far from easy, and there will be many more hurdles to jump over down the road. Just getting to the point where I can write this letter is a huge milestone for me, as it shows just how far I have come in understanding myself and accepting myself for who I am, despite it being the road less traveled by.

I want you both to know that this is absolutely without a doubt, in any way at all, your fault. You did absolutely nothing wrong in raising me, and that is the last thing I want you to think. I know that as my parents, you probably had an idea of who I would become when I grew up, and I know that this is definitely not what either of you had in mind. But I want you to know that although I didn’t turn out to be exactly what you pictured, I will always, always, be the same person you have known and loved—just a happier, healthier, more authentic version of myself. I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart if this has hurt you in any way; that was never my intent. You are receiving this letter because I love you unconditionally, no matter the ups and downs, and I care about you both enough to share something so vulnerable, emotional, and raw with you. I don’t tell either of you enough how much I love you and how grateful I am for you and everything you’ve done for me in life. I desire nothing more than for you both to stick by me through this and love me for who I am, but I recognize that that may not be the case. I am okay with that. However, I want you to know that you both will forever have a special place in my heart and I will always treasure all the memories and good times we have had together, even if you choose not to support me. 

Thank you for reading the entire way through, I know it’s a lot to digest all at once, but I am willing to talk to you about this even more in-depth if you wish. I want to be as transparent as possible so that you can understand what I’m going through to the best of your ability. There are no wrong questions to ask, all I ask is that you are respectful of me when discussing it further. This isn’t going to be easy for you or for me, but having the love and support of my family  would help tremendously, but if not, I understand. Reach out to me and let me know your decision. 

With love,

Luke

[thedeadflag]

(1/2) im rly sorry if you've already answered questions like this, but how do u feel abt a cis woman writing a trans woman oc whose story is told in her pov, but there's no real mention of the specifics relating to her being trans? like i already had her character set up before i mused on the idea one day that she would be trans, for no real reason other than the fact that i could. nothing changes in the story except that she's stated as trans. it's not like i thought abt her genitals before

(2/2) when she was cis, so im not gonna think abt it when i make her trans. literally nothing changes and she’s in a setting where her being transgender isn’t a problem (this is actually based on a video game. an rpg, so it’s not entirely mine). obviously u don’t speak for all trans women and ur not at all obligated to answer this question at all. i was only wondering as a cis woman who would like to make a trans woman character but wonders if my motives or methods aren’t very good. thanks!

—

Well, I have an education page with popular or important posts, for future reference. Like this writing trans 101 post

But basically, 99% of trans women’s rep these days strips away our experience as trans women, omits dysphoria, and basically treats us as cis women with a slightly different paint job. And that will work if a they’re a secondary character/ non-POV where an author might need training wheels to feel out treating a trans woman like an actual human being, but…it doesn’t really fly when the trans woman’s a main character. 

Because the fact is, being trans impacts our lives daily, even those who are ‘stealth’. Maybe in smaller ways for some, but it colours our perspective, our experiences, our stressors and anxiety, the relationships we make and maintain, the way we function in this world. Can you write a black woman character the same as a white woman? Could you write a disabled character the same as a non-disabled character? Our lives are intersectional…our womanhood cannot be distanced from all the other parts of us. 

And tbh, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a game world where being trans was both explicit and not an issue (even in a world like Dragon Age, with some semblance of trans-inclusion, it’s still pretty widespread as stigmatized and it’d be easy to say trans folks are still an oppressed class…and most games with canon trans characters treat them like shit), and while I support minimizing transphobia and transmisogyny when cis folks write about us in their fantasy worlds, I also think it’s transphobic to pretend that transphobia wouldn’t be an issue (or would only be an issue for a tiny group of token villains) since the default state for cis people is to generally ignore transphobia exists in the real world, so it’s important that they recognize it here in reality, and in the worlds they write as a way of letting us know they recognize this struggle. 

Like, if trans people want to write stories free of transphobia, that’s their call, because that’s wish-fulfillment and escapism, and we’re owed that freedom. But people who aren’t trans? Need to recognize us and our experiences. That’s the only way to write us humanely.

[faithfulnews]

Silly Things Christians Say: ‘God Will Provide’

When it comes to preaching on money in the Church, we usually talk about being “good stewards” by getting out of debt and of course giving money to the Church. Of course, neither of these are bad, but I think there is one passage that is either ignored or quickly glossed over in most situations. In Matthew 6 we have a portion of the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus speaks his famous words:

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own (Matthew 6:25-34).

Jesus is clear: do not worry about these things, because God has provided and will continue to do so.

So many of us love to stop right there, though, because that’s easy. Rather than letting these verses challenge our relationship to our consumption, we assume that the standard of living we have come to expect need not be changed. We walk away with a generic, shallow, and bland spiritual platitude that has no more depth than the Bob Marley song, “Don’t worry about a thing, cause every little thing is gonna be alright.”

When Jesus said not to worry about food or drink or clothes or even their lives, He was speaking to a crowd of people who literally had to worry about not having these things. I think many of us need to shift our focus from the command not to worry and the reassurance that God will provide and ask ourselves what it means for God to provide in the first place.

What does it mean that God will provide? To learn this, we may need to stop spending money on new clothes–many of which are made by laborers under abusive conditions–and start shopping at Goodwill. And that is God providing. We may need to forego spending a thousand dollars on the latest iPhone for the used hand-me-down that is three or four generations old. And that is God providing. Rather than a $12,000 car that’s 3 years old, we might have to buy one that’s $1,200 and 13 years old. And that is God providing. We might have to give up the 1500 square feet in St. John or Bedford for 500 in Lansing or Manchester. (I’ve lived in New Hampshire and Illinois, but feel free to substitute your own “rich” and “poor” towns). And that is God providing. We can even come to know God’s provision when we have to go to the food pantry to make ends meet.

We might need to do all of this because we can’t afford better. However, we might not need to do any of it, because we have more than enough to live the life we want. But in another very real sense, we can and must choose to make decisions like these to be able to be generous with our funds in the service of God. Because if we are to be part of the Church, we must be generous; and it is not truly the kind of generosity God desires unless it costs you something.

Generosity over Greed

When we handle our money the way Jesus taught, we do not only witness to God’s provision; we also witness to His generosity. The point of the radically counter-cultural teachings on possessions that we find in the New Testament is not asceticism–denying oneself pleasure and earthly goods to earn God’s favor or because they are inherently bad. Rather, it is to free us from the hold that these things have on our lives and empower us to be no longer self-centered, but others-centered when it comes to the way we use our resources. Martin Luther defined “sin” as a soul incurvatus in se–curved in on itself. Well, I think a sinful handling of money looks like a wallet curved in on itself.

Jesus is calling us to have our bank statements be as much of a witness to the Kingdom as our sermons. In many ways, our spending can preach louder than our words as we literally put our money where our mouth is.

The fact is that “God will provide” often means “God will provide through us.” Using the examples above, you might have enough money to provide all of those things–but what if you chose to shop at Goodwill to give some nice clothes to others? Or if you chose to go to the food pantry to give another family grocery money? Or if you’ve already got the nice house, what if you shared a spare room for free with a person in need?

I have found that the very best way to witness to God’s provision (and to rethink what that means altogether) and cooperate with God’s generous heart is by reorienting my view on possessions to become more and more of a minimalist.

Minimalism over Extravagance

Minimalism–the “new” hipster trend. The commitment to reducing the number of possessions to live the most simple and full life possible has gained a lot of momentum recently. The most recognizable faces of this movement are Josh Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus, “The Minimalists.” Their documentary, book and podcast have taken on American consumerism and materialistic greed and, against all odds, scored a major victory.

When I first saw their film Minimalism: A Documentary, I was surprised that so many of the converts to this movement came not from poor backgrounds in which they had to struggle to make ends meet, but from wealthy–sometimes extravagantly wealthy–situations. I thought Minimalism would be about a way to live life fully with a shortage of income, yet so many of the interviews were with people who had stories similar to Josh and Ryan, who write, “Nearly a decade ago, while approaching age 30, we had achieved everything that was supposed to make us happy: six-figure careers, luxury cars, oversized houses, and all the stuff to clutter every corner of our consumer-driven lives.” Yet, in spite of all this, they found themselves left with “a lingering discontent.”

This discontent with all the fittings of the American Dream was the one common thread that ran through every single interview. It’s actually the one thing that stood out to me most about the film. The Minimalists continue, “And yet with all that stuff, we weren’t satisfied. There was a gaping void, and working 80 hours a week just to buy more stuff didn’t fill the void. It only brought more debt, stress, anxiety, fear, loneliness, guilt, overwhelm, depression.”

The dramatic and revolutionary idea of minimalism is to make a total priorities pivot regarding our view of “stuff.” The Minimalists explain it well,

At first glance, people might think the point of minimalism is only to get rid of material possessions. But that’s a mistake. True, removing the excess is an important part of the recipe—but it’s just one ingredient. If we’re concerned solely with the stuff, though, we’re missing the larger point.

Minimalists don’t focus on having less. We focus on making room for more: more time, more passion, more creativity, more experiences, more contribution, more contentment, more freedom. Clearing the clutter from life’s path helps make that room.

Minimalism is the thing that gets us past the things so we can make room for life’s important things—which aren’t things at all.

How is it that so many people who do not consider themselves part of the Church are taking hold of this truth while so many evangelicals in the United States are still playing by the worn out rules of consumerism? How are people “in the world” coming closer to the heart of Jesus’ teachings on money and possessions while many Christians here are still literally buying into the view that more wealth and material comforts are always God’s blessings? (Maybe we need to rethink our assumption that the world is “ignorant” to God’s built-in patterns of the universe.)

Christian Minimalism versus “Secular” Minimalism

But there is one major difference between Christian minimalism and secular minimalism: Christian minimalism is both a crucial witness to the Kingdom of God and a profoundly transformative spiritual practice. How is reducing possessions and financial entanglements a spiritual practice? Because “where your treasure is,” Jesus said, “your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:22) I would even go so far as to say that this commitment is more spiritually (trans)formative than daily Bible reading or quiet times–since it is actually living out Scripture.

Secular minimalism is about pivoting our priorities to reduce clutter and stress, to live our fullest life, and to “make room for more.” Christian minimalism embraces all of these, but redefines what they mean by centering our priority not on self, but on Christ, His Kingdom and His Body. Christian minimalism is about giving, “for it is in giving that we receive.” It is about sacrificially taking up the Cross, “for if you try to hang onto your life, you will lose it.” (Matthew 16:25, NLT)

Christian minimalism is not asceticism, which often looks like self-denial for its own sake, many times to earn God’s favor. Instead, in its fullest form it embraces the perspective of New Monastics like Shane Claiborne, whose book The Irresistible Revolution about his intentional community, The Simple Way, left a permanent impact on my faith when I read it at 16.

Shane lives in an intentional community in a poor part of Philadelphia. Some of them make their own clothes, they grow as much of their own food as possible, and they share a common purse, making money available so that there is enough to supply the needs for each one. They all contribute in various ways, and they are relentlessly committed to being a presence of peace among a community that so desperately needs it.

While Claiborne’s particular form of minimalism is beautiful and inspiring, it is also extreme. It can be easy to write off this man in baggy, hand-sewn shirts and pants with a bandana covering his dreadlocks as just an extremist. Indeed, Claiborne himself identifies as an extremist, citing Martin Luther King’s famous quote on being “extremists for love and justice.” It is ironic that his radically counter-cultural way of life has led him to become an internationally known and highly regarded speaker while simultaneously making it easier and easier to dismiss his way of life as unrealistic or even irresponsible.

But what do we mean when we say irresponsible? What are the cultural values and narratives we have embraced that make it so easy for us to marginalize the way of life that Claiborne and so many other monastics–new and old–have chosen? The truth is that this form of Christian minimalism reaches closer to the heart of the Gospel and the practices of the early Church in Acts than the gospel of prosperity, preservation and self-sufficiency that we all too often accept without any qualifications. What makes Christian minimalists like Claiborne “irresponsible” to us might say more about our own hearts than the heart of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Editor’s note: This piece originally ran on CoreyFarr.com. It was republished here with permission.

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How the Disenfranchised Navigate the World in a Time of Permanxiety

Travelers have many digital resources to help them handle and prevent discrimination. Bing Qing Ye / Skift

Skift Take: Discrimination has long caused travel anxiety for demographics underserved by the travel industry. Historically, travelers looked to their respective tribes for intel, but the burgeoning friend economy may be reshaping that concept.

— Sarah Enelow

Skift launched the latest edition of our magazine, Travel in an Age of Permanxiety, at Skift Global Forum in New York City in September. This article is part of our look into the current state of the traveler mindset through the lens of the pervasive case of anxiety felt worldwide.

Download the full version of Skift’s Travel in an Age of Permanxiety magazine here.

In 2017 — with xenophobia, hate crimes, and discrimination top of mind — travelers from disenfranchised groups are looking to their tribes for reliable safety information online.

LGBT travel concerns are high, from discriminatory bathroom bills and the 2016 Orlando nightclub shooting. Muslim travelers deal with Islamophobia and President Trump’s travel ban, which the ACLU identified as a discriminatory “Muslim ban,” and which prompted hundreds of lawyers to volunteer at airports across the U.S. Hispanic travelers face an increasingly unwelcoming environment in the U.S. amid calls for a border wall with Mexico and immigration crackdowns. Black travelers express fears of re-surging white nationalism and police brutality alongside the NAACP’s first state-specific travel advisory, for Missouri.

Where can these groups turn for help? What’s the modern-day equivalent of the Green Book, which advised black travelers during the violent and segregated Jim Crow era?

LGBT and Female Travelers

According to a 2017 report by the International Gay & Lesbian Travel Association (IGLTA) and the United Nations World Tourism Organization (UNWTO), “The role that small businesses play is crucial. Often set up by LGBT people or their allies, small hotels and guesthouses, tour companies, bars and cafés offer a local welcome that benefits from a shared LGBT identity and provides a degree of reassurance of acceptance.”

John Tanzella, president and CEO of IGLTA, said there is a real fear among same-sex couples and transgender people of interrogation at the U.S. border. “The rhetoric of the White House certainly puts fear into travelers,” he said.

IGLTA is currently expanding the safety-related information on its site to empower the community. The organization already has a trip-planning tool featuring LGBT-owned and -friendly providers, as well as discounts for members. “We tend to be on the pro-travel side of that conversation, encouraging people to travel,” said Tanzella.

Every year the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association publishes world maps of death penalties and sexual orientation laws to keep travelers informed. In 2016 Marriott and IBM sponsored the LGBT Guide to Business Travel, which puts much of the onus on the traveler: “Do your due diligence… don’t become a target… ambiguity may be best.”

At this point, guidebooks for women and women-friendly hotel rooms are old news. On the newer side, Wanderful, which hosts events and provides resources for female travelers, launched a female-focused homesharing platform, though with a subscription fee and few listings it may struggle to gain popularity. UK-based Maiden Voyage provides educational and support services to solo female business travelers as well as consulting for the travel companies hoping to capture that market. Indian airline Vistara even has a free service for solo female flyers, giving them a safe escort as well as preferred seating.

Muslim Travelers

Every year Mastercard and consultancy CrescentRating release a Global Muslim Travel Index to map out which destinations best welcome Muslim travelers, a global market estimated to reach $220 billion by 2020. Fazal Bahardeen, CEO of CrescentRating and HalalTrip, said in the 2017 report, “We are definitely seeing the influence of a new breed of young travelers… combining technology with a real desire to explore the world while still adhering to their faith-based needs.”

In a time of Islamophobia, London-based homesharing site Book Halal Homes does for Muslim travelers what homesharing sites Innclusive and Noirbnb do for black travelers. All three aim to provide a more welcoming and multicultural-friendly alternative to Airbnb, spurred by discrimination on Airbnb’s largely unregulated platform. But new players in this space must fight hard to acquire enough listings for travelers to actually use them.

Karima Bihaki, founder and CEO of Book Halal Homes, said, “In the mosque people are talking about it because there’s a lot of fear, especially after the travel ban, what happened in the States when Trump became president. A lot of Muslims feared going to America from any country at the moment even though the ban is just on some certain countries. Because of that people are considering, ‘Should we travel to the states or not?’”

Bihaki elaborated, “There are stories from sisters traveling from Italy back to the UK being asked to take off the hijab. They are dressing differently when they travel abroad. They still dress modest. I heard stories even that people are being selected for extra security measurements because they think they are Muslim while they are not.”

Black and Hispanic Travelers

Kent Johnson, co-founder of the black travel community and group tour operator Black & Abroad, said that since November 2016, “We encountered a lot more questions around what places can I travel where I’ll be safe. Especially with the travel ban happening, people’s anxiousness has slowly ratcheted higher over the last few months.”

About Trump’s policies, Johnson said, “Nothing seems definite, but it all seems immediate at the same time, and those are two prime ingredients [for anxiety].” The company recently launched a new product, a group tour to Johannesburg, South Africa, and Johnson identified anxiety and safety as “key deciding factors” in selecting this inaugural destination.

Evita Robinson, founder of the 15,000-member majority-black and majority-female travel community Nomadness Travel Tribe, which organizes group trips and events globally, held a panel last year on black safety at her company’s conference. Robinson said that her members “respect and love having these outlets.”

Robinson described to Skift the tribe’s concerns in 2016: “I have members who have children who say, ‘I’m raising a young black boy in America. Where can I travel to or potentially move to where I don’t feel like I have to fear for his life every time he wants to go outside and play?’”

Nomadness’ membership is around five percent Hispanic and while something like an organized Hispanic travel movement remains elusive, Hispanic travelers face their own chronic anxieties. President Trump’s proposed border wall between the U.S. and Mexico isn’t yet a reality, but the rhetoric has already inspired some Mexican vacationers to take visa-free trips to Canada instead.

Travelers With Disabilities

BrettApproved provides extensive accessibility ratings on hotels and other venues based on user generated content, separating the brands that understand anxiety from those that resent ADA compliance laws.

“One of the things you probably never think about is: Am I going to be able to get into my hotel room?” Brett Heising, founder and CEO of BrettApproved, told Skift earlier this year. “What we try to do at BrettApproved is give our community that knowledge so that takes away some of that guesswork.”

In the realm of developmental disabilities, more airports are helping travelers with autism by offering simulations and quiet rooms. Autism on the Seas provides services for cruisers with such disabilities in collaboration with Royal Caribbean and other cruise lines.

The Friend Economy

So what’s the next step in making travelers feel safe and welcome? Maybe today, when travelers are looking online for intel within their tribe, they can reimagine who’s actually in that tribe.

The burgeoning friend economy — which operates like the sharing economy but is focused more narrowly on one’s actual acquaintances — might provide a new solution that’s not specific to one race, nationality, religion, gender identity, sexual orientation, etc. Homesharing platform Overnight offers places to stay through a person’s extended network of existing friends, which should maximize familiarity, and minimize discrimination and safety concerns between host and guest.

“There’s more implicit trust,” said Overnight CEO Asher Hunt. “If we can create that network and that community that makes it a more safe experience, that’s pretty awesome. And we want to do it many times over,” he said about curated groups within the platform.

The challenges? De-stigmatizing financial transactions between friends and that familiar dearth of listings.

The networks we use to help and inform each other may be evolving, but they still rely on the same principle used throughout history: knowledge is power.

Download Travel in an Age of Permanxiety magazine here

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How the Disenfranchised Navigate the World in a Time of Permanxiety

Travelers have many digital resources to help them handle and prevent discrimination. Bing Qing Ye / Skift

Skift Take: Discrimination has long caused travel anxiety for demographics underserved by the travel industry. Historically, travelers looked to their respective tribes for intel, but the burgeoning friend economy may be reshaping that concept.

— Sarah Enelow

Skift launched the latest edition of our magazine, Travel in an Age of Permanxiety, at Skift Global Forum in New York City in September. This article is part of our look into the current state of the traveler mindset through the lens of the pervasive case of anxiety felt worldwide.

Download the full version of Skift’s Travel in an Age of Permanxiety magazine here.

In 2017 — with xenophobia, hate crimes, and discrimination top of mind — travelers from disenfranchised groups are looking to their tribes for reliable safety information online.

LGBT travel concerns are high, from discriminatory bathroom bills and the 2016 Orlando nightclub shooting. Muslim travelers deal with Islamophobia and President Trump’s travel ban, which the ACLU identified as a discriminatory “Muslim ban,” and which prompted hundreds of lawyers to volunteer at airports across the U.S. Hispanic travelers face an increasingly unwelcoming environment in the U.S. amid calls for a border wall with Mexico and immigration crackdowns. Black travelers express fears of re-surging white nationalism and police brutality alongside the NAACP’s first state-specific travel advisory, for Missouri.

Where can these groups turn for help? What’s the modern-day equivalent of the Green Book, which advised black travelers during the violent and segregated Jim Crow era?

LGBT and Female Travelers

According to a 2017 report by the International Gay & Lesbian Travel Association (IGLTA) and the United Nations World Tourism Organization (UNWTO), “The role that small businesses play is crucial. Often set up by LGBT people or their allies, small hotels and guesthouses, tour companies, bars and cafés offer a local welcome that benefits from a shared LGBT identity and provides a degree of reassurance of acceptance.”

John Tanzella, president and CEO of IGLTA, said there is a real fear among same-sex couples and transgender people of interrogation at the U.S. border. “The rhetoric of the White House certainly puts fear into travelers,” he said.

IGLTA is currently expanding the safety-related information on its site to empower the community. The organization already has a trip-planning tool featuring LGBT-owned and -friendly providers, as well as discounts for members. “We tend to be on the pro-travel side of that conversation, encouraging people to travel,” said Tanzella.

Every year the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association publishes world maps of death penalties and sexual orientation laws to keep travelers informed. In 2016 Marriott and IBM sponsored the LGBT Guide to Business Travel, which puts much of the onus on the traveler: “Do your due diligence… don’t become a target… ambiguity may be best.”

At this point, guidebooks for women and women-friendly hotel rooms are old news. On the newer side, Wanderful, which hosts events and provides resources for female travelers, launched a female-focused homesharing platform, though with a subscription fee and few listings it may struggle to gain popularity. UK-based Maiden Voyage provides educational and support services to solo female business travelers as well as consulting for the travel companies hoping to capture that market. Indian airline Vistara even has a free service for solo female flyers, giving them a safe escort as well as preferred seating.

Muslim Travelers

Every year Mastercard and consultancy CrescentRating release a Global Muslim Travel Index to map out which destinations best welcome Muslim travelers, a global market estimated to reach $220 billion by 2020. Fazal Bahardeen, CEO of CrescentRating and HalalTrip, said in the 2017 report, “We are definitely seeing the influence of a new breed of young travelers… combining technology with a real desire to explore the world while still adhering to their faith-based needs.”

In a time of Islamophobia, London-based homesharing site Book Halal Homes does for Muslim travelers what homesharing sites Innclusive and Noirbnb do for black travelers. All three aim to provide a more welcoming and multicultural-friendly alternative to Airbnb, spurred by discrimination on Airbnb’s largely unregulated platform. But new players in this space must fight hard to acquire enough listings for travelers to actually use them.

Karima Bihaki, founder and CEO of Book Halal Homes, said, “In the mosque people are talking about it because there’s a lot of fear, especially after the travel ban, what happened in the States when Trump became president. A lot of Muslims feared going to America from any country at the moment even though the ban is just on some certain countries. Because of that people are considering, ‘Should we travel to the states or not?’”

Bihaki elaborated, “There are stories from sisters traveling from Italy back to the UK being asked to take off the hijab. They are dressing differently when they travel abroad. They still dress modest. I heard stories even that people are being selected for extra security measurements because they think they are Muslim while they are not.”

Black and Hispanic Travelers

Kent Johnson, co-founder of the black travel community and group tour operator Black & Abroad, said that since November 2016, “We encountered a lot more questions around what places can I travel where I’ll be safe. Especially with the travel ban happening, people’s anxiousness has slowly ratcheted higher over the last few months.”

About Trump’s policies, Johnson said, “Nothing seems definite, but it all seems immediate at the same time, and those are two prime ingredients [for anxiety].” The company recently launched a new product, a group tour to Johannesburg, South Africa, and Johnson identified anxiety and safety as “key deciding factors” in selecting this inaugural destination.

Evita Robinson, founder of the 15,000-member majority-black and majority-female travel community Nomadness Travel Tribe, which organizes group trips and events globally, held a panel last year on black safety at her company’s conference. Robinson said that her members “respect and love having these outlets.”

Robinson described to Skift the tribe’s concerns in 2016: “I have members who have children who say, ‘I’m raising a young black boy in America. Where can I travel to or potentially move to where I don’t feel like I have to fear for his life every time he wants to go outside and play?’”

Nomadness’ membership is around five percent Hispanic and while something like an organized Hispanic travel movement remains elusive, Hispanic travelers face their own chronic anxieties. President Trump’s proposed border wall between the U.S. and Mexico isn’t yet a reality, but the rhetoric has already inspired some Mexican vacationers to take visa-free trips to Canada instead.

Travelers With Disabilities

BrettApproved provides extensive accessibility ratings on hotels and other venues based on user generated content, separating the brands that understand anxiety from those that resent ADA compliance laws.

“One of the things you probably never think about is: Am I going to be able to get into my hotel room?” Brett Heising, founder and CEO of BrettApproved, told Skift earlier this year. “What we try to do at BrettApproved is give our community that knowledge so that takes away some of that guesswork.”

In the realm of developmental disabilities, more airports are helping travelers with autism by offering simulations and quiet rooms. Autism on the Seas provides services for cruisers with such disabilities in collaboration with Royal Caribbean and other cruise lines.

The Friend Economy

So what’s the next step in making travelers feel safe and welcome? Maybe today, when travelers are looking online for intel within their tribe, they can reimagine who’s actually in that tribe.

The burgeoning friend economy — which operates like the sharing economy but is focused more narrowly on one’s actual acquaintances — might provide a new solution that’s not specific to one race, nationality, religion, gender identity, sexual orientation, etc. Homesharing platform Overnight offers places to stay through a person’s extended network of existing friends, which should maximize familiarity, and minimize discrimination and safety concerns between host and guest.

“There’s more implicit trust,” said Overnight CEO Asher Hunt. “If we can create that network and that community that makes it a more safe experience, that’s pretty awesome. And we want to do it many times over,” he said about curated groups within the platform.

The challenges? De-stigmatizing financial transactions between friends and that familiar dearth of listings.

The networks we use to help and inform each other may be evolving, but they still rely on the same principle used throughout history: knowledge is power.

Download Travel in an Age of Permanxiety magazine here

[vernicle]

<p>Some school counselors are using code to let their LGBTQ students know they're safe.</p>

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Image by Mark Ralston/Getty Photographs.

William isn't really authorized to inform his LGBTQ learners he's on their facet, so he has to do it in code. When he overhears them chatting with buddies, he strains to absorb the language they use with just one a further and repeat it just one-on-just one. In counseling classes, he refers to the considerable many others of learners and university team as their "associates" as an alternative of "boyfriends" or "girlfriends."

He experienced next views about hanging a signal in his place of work that reads: "Your identification is not an situation."

"I truly checked with my bosses ahead of time," he states. "They were being like, 'Nope, you are excellent!'"

As a middle-university psychologist in Virginia, William (who asked for his serious title not be made use of, for anxiety of retaliation) has often experienced to skirt close to university board policies limiting his means to address the fears and difficulties of his lesbian, homosexual, bisexual, trans, and queer learners out loud. But matters have transformed.

Ahead of January, William states he would hear a homophobic or transphobic slur from a colleague (not all bullies are learners, it turns out) it's possible after a month. Now, he states, individuals voices have gotten substantially louder — and additional persistent.

"The unhappy section is I are unable to be as loud as they can be with no receiving in problems," he states.

For lots of university psychologists, sticking up for their LGBTQ learners in the Trump era feels a great deal like paddling more than a cultural tidal wave.

Their attempts are regularly challenging by getting to navigate a patchwork of guidelines and legislation governing what they can and are unable to say, and what they have to expose to mom and dad if questioned. 8 states limit how academics focus on some LGBTQ subject areas in educational institutions.

That leaves some educators nervous they are not undertaking enough.

"I’m seeing university counselors who were being it's possible feeling like they were being sitting quite with their packages and what they experienced been featuring their LGBTQ youth at their web pages now ramping it up," states Catherine Griffith, assistant professor of student enhancement at the College of Massachusetts-Amherst Faculty of Schooling. That implies inquiring for additional trainings and workshops, significantly on how to speak about trans-particular difficulties, like pronoun usage and toilet conflicts.

A student in Massachusetts will work on homework. Image by Jewel Samad/Getty Photographs.

Griffith suggests approaching conversations with having difficulties learners by listening very first and recognizing their know-how on their own life. She also endorses ways like William's, in which counselors use visible cues (like a signal hanging in an place of work) and particular language to sign help. Her exploration into interventions for LGBTQ youth led to the enhancement of a curriculum — which she distributes absolutely free to educators — that emphasizes the helpfulness of arranged teams to battle social isolation.

For learners, Griffith clarifies, the means to manage can help them understand from friends, develop a sense of altruism, and bear witness to others' difficulties, specially when it feels like voices in positions of authority are aligned against them.

While William struggles to sneak a kind phrase to a having difficulties eighth-grader, 3,000 miles absent, the little ones in Cynthia Olaya's Campus Pride Club are lighting bonfires on the seaside.

A 14-yr veteran psychologist from Extensive Beach front, California, Olaya appears to be youthful than her 40 yrs, a stroke of genetic excellent fortune that she believes would make it less complicated for learners to open up up to her.

"I don’t know how substantially extended I’m going to be ready to use that," she jokes.

Right here in Fountain Valley, in which she can help oversee the two-10 years-aged team, the Trump administration feels significantly away — practically and figuratively. Previously this yr, when rumors began swirling that the president was geared up to signal an government buy making it possible for enterprise owners who cite religious convictions to discriminate against LGBTQ consumers, her principal tackled the controversy, bluntly, more than the university loudspeaker.

"He explained, 'Don’t fear learners. We have nevertheless acquired your back,'" Olaya remembers.

The club, previously a Homosexual-Straight Alliance, recently rebranded to be "additional trans-inclusive." Her LGBTQ learners gain, she clarifies, not only from the team, but from sturdy institutional help and, most likely most critically, help from their elected associates. Final yr, the condition board of schooling authorised a evaluate demanding that educational institutions insert the contributions of LGBTQ Us residents to record lessons as early as next quality. A 2017 regulation bans condition-funded vacation to states that have anti-LGBTQ legal guidelines on the publications. In California, there are no policies avoiding her from freely discussing her students' gender and sexual orientation.

Her learners are nervous about what the Trump administration could do to rollback their rights, but most are not panicking — still.

"I think they experience like, 'We’re protected here,'" she states.

The Trump administration has alternated concerning enjoying coy with LGBTQ rights and launching an all-out assault on the insurance policies of the Obama administration.

Image by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Photographs.

At occasions, both of those ways appear to be on the table concurrently. The draconian religious freedom buy Olaya's learners feared in February turned out to be tiny additional than a symbolic assertion when it was signed in May perhaps. The president declared a similarly harsh evaluate to ban transgender Us residents from serving in the military services — but has still to consider ways to employ it. The military services, it seems, is ignoring it for the time becoming.

How LGBTQ little ones fare in this whipsaw atmosphere can have a lot less to do with how substantially their counselors want to help and additional with the institutional and legal frameworks that govern how substantially they can help.

Some communities have adopted the president's direct in loosening, or refusing to implement, current protections. Some others are resisting the cost.

In some places — the jury is nevertheless out.

Holiday, Florida, is an region in regular changeover. In the middle university in which psychologist Jacalyn Kay Jackson will work, immigrants and learners of coloration combine with white learners from "additional conservative" people. Several arrive in the district for a yr or two ahead of moving on. eighty% are on minimized or absolutely free lunch. Several are LGBTQ.

Considering that the inauguration, Jackson states her learners have been exhibiting "additional stress and anxiety" than regular. While Muslim and immigrant learners have received the bulk of harassment from their correct-wing friends, the backlash has been stinging her LGBTQ little ones as well.

"We did have some transgender learners and gender-nonconforming learners who were being nervous that some of the rights that they felt that they experienced fought challenging for were being becoming taken absent," she states.

Jackson has held the part of LGBTQ liaison for her district due to the fact very last university yr — and she's thrilled about it. She spends fifty percent a working day a week training other educators in the district how to greatest help homosexual, lesbian, bisexual, queer, and trans youth, how to navigate locker and restroom difficulties, and how to develop protected spaces for dialogue and restoration from trauma. She's doing the job on a sixty-webpage greatest procedures guide, which she plans to distribute to academics in her district this coming university yr. Irrespective of the occasional complaint, her district is thoroughly behind her work — which provides her substantially-necessary deal with.

In her region of Florida, the 2016 capturing at Orlando's Pulse nightclub opened a great deal of eyes to the hazards LGBTQ youth experience. She hesitates to simply call it a "silver lining," but that is the phrase that will come to head. Additional mom and dad have been going to Pride parades. Several who were being formally opposed to, or equivocating on, increasing LGBTQ rights in the district have appear close to a little bit.

"Not that they’re actively supportive, but it's possible they’re additional perhaps supportive, most likely mainly because it strike nearer to home than it at any time has been," Jackson states.

A man or woman builds a balloon rainbow close to the web site of the Pulse capturing in Orlando. Image by Spencer Platt/Getty Photographs.

It is not a cakewalk. Some learners in Jackson's university nevertheless experience rejection from their people. As the Trump administration attempts to dismantle Title IX guidelines and rollback trans-inclusive insurance policies in the military services, LGBTQ little ones, she clarifies, require a "buffer to what [they are] listening to on the information," which for lots of, isn't really at home.

Continue to, with help potent and growing, at university, that "buffer" seems to be keeping — for now.

The only reason her work is feasible in this social and political climate, she clarifies, is the very last 5 yrs of speedy-hearth development toward LGBTQ inclusion and equality.

"Children genuinely heard a concept when marriage equality came via, and prior to that as some of the individual states begun recognizing marriage equality," she states. In the meantime, mom and dad and colleagues who were being beforehand supportive are hunting for methods to be additional supportive — significantly of trans learners.

Image by Spencer Platt/Getty Photographs.

"A great deal of them were being asking yourself, 'What pronoun do I use?' and 'How do I help them?' and 'How do I have this conversation?'" Olaya states.

Even in parts in which it's challenging to hold the door open up, there are indications that a metaphorical lock has been smashed off. William remembers counseling just one student whose family members were being debating sending her cousin to a conversion remedy camp, and she was nervous she would be following. College students, specially youthful types, who expose far too substantially about their sexuality to academics typically run the hazard of becoming outed to their mom and dad, even if the crisis originates at home. This student, like lots of many others, realized she could appear to William for help and that he would hold her self-confidence.

"The little ones know how to talk to the correct varieties of thoughts," he states.

Significantly, their university psychologists are trying to obtain the place to send out the correct concept back.

"The concept is: We’re listening, we’re here for you."

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