#and not. driving 6 minutes to get to a place two miles away bc there is quite literally no way to walk there easily and safely

[julianalvarez9]

wish you the best / john stones

part of the "broken by desire to be heavenly sent" series, can be read as an stand-alone.

mentions of: confusing relationship, friends to strangers to lovers, single dad!john, lily stones (oc), rúben dias and jack grealish, winning the epl (after the chelsea game), alcohol and the consumption of.

wc: 2.4k.

author's note: this is not proofread bc if i read it all over again i'll delete it all. turned to fluff at the last minute bc i broke my heart writing the first half. feedback is appreciated <333

summary: life was supposed to keep you two together, until his signing to city and, thus, his move to manchester, made it all fall down. right person, wrong time, some could say. or can they mend it, years down the line?

"i'll miss knowin' what you're thinkin' and hearin' how your day has been"

the fallout had been unexpected.

life had become inexplicably hectic for the both of you. ever since john signed to manchester city, thus moving away from your good old barnsley, and you started college, it had become harder and harder to find time for each other. and it's not like you didn't want to: there was nothing you wanted more than to see your best friend again, to be in his arms, to bask in his sunshine-like presence. but it seemed like the time was never right.

it would have been a lie to say you two were just friends, when you were way more. it just didn't have any specific title yet. it was all so new, at least for you two: your families had seen it from a mile away, and couldn't be more happy about it. you knew he was it for you, just as you were it for him. but maybe, that's the problem with friendships that have the potential to evolve into something more. if it goes wrong, you lose the one who you could talk about how your day has been, the only one capable of picking up the pieces when life gets too rough, the one who knows how to paint a smile on your face.

it's the dark side of the moon, as some would say. 

if it goes wrong, you don't only lose a potential lover, but a friend.

"i barely see y/n anymore…" john's mum pointed, doubtful, one sunday evening when her son and her were sharing some tea. janet didn't miss the way john shifted uncomfortably in his seat, which seemed to be too small now for his 6 foot frame. "something happened between you two?". and even if he tried to answer truthfully, he truly didn't know. to him, it felt like one moment you were there, by his side, always cheering him on, and the next, when he turned to look for you, you were gone. "wish i knew, mum".

"do you think you can tell me everything, darling? but leave out every part about him"

your family and his were always close.

at first, it was a blessing: you two had grown ever closer because of it, and you were invited to any event held in the stones household, just as he -and his family- was invited to yours. the nights where both your families enjoyed together were your favorites: from the food, to the table games, to spending so much quality time together.

soon enough, though, it turned out to be a nightmare.

your absence when john came back to visit was loud. your cheerful laugh and vibrant presence were missing, and janet, john's mum, couldn't help but notice that, coincidentally, you disappeared when he came back.

everything felt wrong for john. even getting into his house when he came back from training, absolutely drenched from the rain that just didn't stop coming, didn't make him feel better. he realized that the only place where he really wanted to be was home; but, not his place, rather, his childhood home. so he did what he knew best: get back in the car and drive there, no matter the pouring rain outside or that he would need to be back in just a couple hours to continue with his routine.

"oh, you just missed y/n!" was the first thing his mother said to him when she opened the door. she must have recognised his car pulling up, because he hadn't warned them before his arrival. "she was here just a couple hours ago," janet said, untangling her arms from around his son, and now focusing on his deflated face. "what is it, darling? did you hear the news?".

he frowned at that, a clear question sign painted on his face. "what news?".

his mom looked around for answers, clearly uncomfortable after facing the reality that you and him must have fallen out pretty bad if you weren't telling him such drastic changes. "i'm so sorry, i thought she had told you before… i'm so sorry, honey…" she tried to mend, but it was to no avail. john wouldn't let it go without knowing what the news concerning you was, and his frown only increased when his older sister walked into the room. 

"she's moving to LA, got someone waiting for her there apparently" jenny announced, and it felt like a gut punch. he tried to fake a smile, show everyone around how happy he was that you were achieving your dreams, since you always told him you wanted to go to the US. the part of you having someone there waiting for you, though, was his problem; just when he, finally, had realized what was missing in his life was you, now you were the one leaving.

"right now you're probably by the ocean, while i'm still out here in the rain. with every day that passes by since we've spoken it's like glasgow gets further from LA"

john couldn't help but feel stuck.

it had been three years since he had seen you last, and still, he couldn't avoid the what ifs. what if he had brought you with him to manchester in the first place, what if he had confessed what he truly felt for you sooner, instead of letting it float in the air. he knew there was something special; there was no other way of describing it. john wished he did more, before it was too late. he felt like, apart from his football career, which was going great,  nothing had gone his way. he tried to mend his broken heart with shallow relationships which never went far. and the one that did, left him even more heartbroken, and in charge of an eighteen month little girl that was a carbon copy of him, which he loved dearly.

but still, every little good thing that happened, he found himself thinking about sharing them with you. you, who he only saw on social media when you dared to post a snippet about your life across the atlantic ocean. you, who never responded to any of his text, or messages to make casual conversation, apart from the automatic 'happy birthday!' wishes.

"well, i can't help but notice you seem happier than ever now"

social media was never a place he liked to spend his time on. his instagram profile only contained pictures of matches and was used solely for his job; couldn't be farther away from jack, who seemed to post absolutely everything he did, or even rúben, his best mate, with his classic "thirst trap photos" -as jack had joked once- that only gained him laughs amongst the team. but he always had someone for the parties to attend, or the events held by the club, so it must be working, thought john.

he didn't want to admit how many hours he spent there now, scrolling through your profile, waiting for you to post something. it was weird to only see you across a screen now, after years and years of being almost glued together. it was weird seeing you smile that same grin that only he could get out of you, how your eyes crinkled up how they did when john made a joke that made you fold in half. these memories seemed a lifetime away now, and john wondered if you, sometimes, remembered him, or if it was just all in his head.

maybe you had meant more to him than he meant to you.

maybe that's why it was so easy to leave the place you two called home, without even talking to him in the first place. but again, he had left you to go to manchester. so, did you really owe him something? you didn’t think so.

"i wanna say i miss the green in your eyes, and when i said we could be friends, guess i lied"

seeing his daughter grow into the prettiest little girl was the absolute joy of john’s life: nothing could top that. not even the possibility of man city winning the treble, or you returning unexpectedly onto his life one good saturday morning.

"john?".

he hates that he knows exactly who's the one that pronounced his name without needing to turn around, but still, he can't doesn't seem to have the strength to actually face you. it's not until you place your ever so soft hand on his shoulder, that he turns, as he fakes surprise. "y/n, is it really you?". he feels dumb even saying it, because of course it is.

seeing you again was strange for john. it felt like you were a completely different person. but still, something familiar ignited inside of him, and he hates to know that you've still got that effect on him. but seeing john after all these years was strange to you, too. seeing the little girl hanging on his hips, even more. "hello to you too, little one, what’s your name?" you ask, in the sweetest voice you can conjure, and john has to remind himself to breathe deep.

“lily” you can hear her say, although it sounds muffled by the man’s hoodie, due to her hiding her face away on his neck, shyly. her dad runs his big hand back and forth on her little back, in a reassuring way, while whispering in her hair, “she’s daddy’s old friend from back home, you don’t have to be nervous around her, pretty girl”.

you smile at her when she peeps with her little eyes back to see you, and you can help but admire her soft, green eyes. they never failed to remind him of yours, so gentle and loving, but that’s not something you needed to know. that he saw you in her, more than he saw her biological mother. he’s not even sure if that’s the truth, anyways, or what his brain tricks him to think. unknowingly to him, you’re wondering about the little girl’s mom, too. she’s the carbon copy of john, so he’s for sure her father, but you can’t help but wonder where her mum is, when there’s not a trace of the woman, at least, not at john’s side.

your thoughts are interrupted by your old friend’s familiar voice. "do you, are you…?" john didn't have the words for what he needed to say. he wanted to ask if you were back for good, but the words escaped. "back?” you complete, as if you had never lost the ability to read into his mind, no matter the time that has passed or the distance that keep you apart all this time.

"i wanna say i wish that you never left, but instead i only wish you the best".

john felt like his heart could jump out of his chest.

it wasn't just the rush of adrenaline after entering the pitch on the minute 57, or the ball he had practically saved from getting to the back of the net, which would have been the equalizer for chelsea. it was, rather, for a certain message he got before the match started.

wish you the best today, john! you’ll kill it xx

the fans invading the pitch after the final whistle, and thus, the obtention of the fifth premier league won by the blue team, made the task of looking for you in the stands just a little bit harder. he knew where his family was -in his box at the etihad, as they always were when they came to see him-, but they didn’t know whether if you had joined them, or if you were on your own. or if you were even at the stadium. 

“mate, you just won the premier league for the fifth time, three times in a row. where is your head?”. and rúben was right; john was checking his phone nonstop, clearing up his notifications if the message didn’t have your name on it. “yeah, you’re right. i’m waiting for a friend to tell me if she’s here or not”. jack chimes in once he hears the female pronoun. “why don’t we get to the pitch then, johnny boy?” he says, as he helps his friends with a glass full of a dark liquid that john quickly recognizes as rum and coke once the alcohol hits his throat, and it's the liquid courage he needs to make his way outside with the rest of his teammates.

soon enough, after they are given their medals, and the trophy’s lifted, the family members are allowed to get onto the pitch, to celebrate their loved ones. at first, john’s a bit disoriented, not being able to see his family on the usual spot, but his worries vanish when he feels a gentle tug on his shorts, and he lowers his gaze to see lily smiling widely at him. 

he lifts the little girl effortlessly, like she weighed less than a feather. “were you looking for someone, daddy?” lily asks with her sweet, little voice, and john has to wipe away the little voice screaming your name from his mind. it’s not the first time you’re not here, but it is the first time you’re in the country, which explains why he’s so bummed out about you not being by his side, once again. “just for you, princess,” he says, and it isn’t a lie, but it isn’t the whole truth, either. “did you run over here on your own? where is your grandma?”.

the little girl giggles mischievously at the same time john sees his mum, and he grins. but his smile only gets bigger when he thinks he’s able to see you, right by his mom’s side, like the old times. john isn't quite sure it isn't a part of his imagination: his desire to see you again, wearing his man city jersey, conjuring your figure at the etihad. but your smile is so big, he doesn't think his brain could be able to pull off such a beautiful sight. and then, when you're close enough, his arm locks around your waist, drawing you in, and all is complete. still, he needs to make sure, muttering a small "you're here" on your hair when he gives you a side hug, that you melt into completely. 

"well, had to come cheer for the best player on the pitch, no?” you say, while patting his back lovingly, although he doesn’t let you go. he remains holding lily with his left arm, who is too interested in watching how moonchester and moonbeam, the two city mascots, run around the pitch causing havoc. “five for number 5. you're the best, john!” you gush, and his cheeks turn a soft pink, so he looks to the floor in an attempt at hiding his lovesick stare. "well, this one is the most special to me" he confesses, and whether he means it due to how man city snatched the lead in the final stint of games to win the league, or due to your familiar presence by his side, it doesn’t matter. the look you give confirms that you know what john means, like you always did, and that you feel the same.

[pndnj]

Cathartic- Yellow Metal Lyrics

Heres where I am with the lyrics, I referenced @25Goldenn on twitter for some of it that I couldn’t comprehend. 

*music*

0:23

Dark matter, like painted splatters, they fit better, the old saying, the way it goes, better the devil you do then you don’t know. I hit pedals and switch levers, my heart metal, I can't settle, im part trouble, they are not subtle. I fuck good so fuck cuddles, burst bubbles the thrist levels at new heights, i down doubles, and got baked til I felt high, my face puzzled, felt muddled, far strung and your floors woodent, the thought might but the fit wouldn’t. A fortnight

0:46 - 1:00

And I thought right, it’s all bark and no bite, I’m Tony Stark still embarking on a dream, took a bit of time to take darkness from the team. Seen what I saw. Heartless on the sleeve. Tried to burn my wings, so I put them in a piece on my chest , at peace no rest.

1:00-1:15

Flipped this on it’s head. Rip the script up now, flip it don’t pretend, slipping shit again, Fakers all around me, I’ve been living in pretense. Fake friends won’t make amends. There’s no need, these mean comments control the scenes. Attentionseekers, the spine is weakened

1:15-1:24

This family needs, what a family needs, and the planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving til we ascend so fuck the fence, and until they stop killing colour it’s fuck the feds.

1:22 - 1:44

You must be off it, I mean it, you know you ain’t never get with the judging and I used to dread growing my beard too long, never felt I belonged, but it's really long like a minute I ain’t looking to no mans for the limits, They’re feeling timid, I’m telling them who they mimic, why they don't look like a clinic …. Why they don't get no women, Still, we’re just fucking girls, Lost in the wrong world, Jurassic, now to this vermin

1:41-  1: 50

Kicking the game I’m serving, these losers are never learning, my fire is forever burning, adding it to my fuel, seems like I’m always focused on never becoming you, These locals that rob us feeling … was for a reason.

1:52-2:02

I’m seeing my new beginnings, watch out this loser’s winning, and no water is too deep to swim in Like I’m about to see a killing, I’m all the way that and living, flawless and feeling lawless, the prison now to the gimmicks, my vision is set to something,

2:03-:2:20

I’m watching you bitches plummet, no matches here for my cunning, you rappers are feeling done in, switching your genre, running and Running your jaw, stunting, pulling at straws, something  I think you’re a poor effort, deaf and tone deaf and I ain’t treat you separate. Living, I’m in my element, riding it like a … never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a benadryl. Keeping it green in general

2:20- 2:46

Think that you remain irrelevant. Look at yourself with reverence, hoping to always elevate. Celibate of these thoughts, killing themselves with sedatives. In comparison to eminem, you’re feeling feminine. Impolitically correct, still dropping on my dick. And I never gave a fuck about what they say abt my shit, I’ve been moving things in my mind like it’s this mountain dew Memories have made me wonder if one day I’m after you. What’s the purpose that you do, is what you're hoping that they learn, i’d like to say i’m done but it’s getting up on my nerves

2:46 -2:55

I’m looking at my life, saying what do I deserve. It’s hard to say I know when I’m walking through the dirt. Talking while you’re nothing I can see for what it’s worth. I’m tired of feeling hurt and I’ve tried enough but nothing works.

2:55-3:40

I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work. Chit chatting is the usual, talking to this clerk, i beg you don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt so everytime they see me, the oldest know to swerve. SWERVE Life is potent, bits of fucked shit… till they took notice weren’t  no hocus pocus, it was hard work that got me heard so i put in the graph like google maps but the whole earth

… around my door mat, taking over like the drones, rolling dirt up in miles like the water, and exploding like Annas hematoma. Don't need to see a slammer to know that I don't want to go man

I’m a showman. I’m just focused on the drama… like i’ve got my own insurance, show myself the pain, like i boxed it in the frame, if we’re about to talk greatness im great, the way you have to say my name like beyonce

“Say my name”

4:00-4:46

Just a bum with a cigarette, sun coming up, all my thoughts on the internet. Feeling deep, I’m just bored with the silhouette single sec,  get fucked up for the thrill of it . killer streak playing Pacman. Like I came from the Philippines vanilla bean still a thing for the thrill of scene,

Theres a beam, UFO, Leave it well alone  I aint moving, stood still on the peloton, telephone and its always on the dial tone,  it's been a while since i’ve smiled at a milestone, seen a big pile in my mind stone, me against the world on my Jack Jones, Like I’m John Jones, With pictures in the condo, far from John Doe, in the ___, like I'm Johnny Bravo, got pravado, with a small dick sitting in golados, feeling far gone, cuz that last hit was the good shit, was that stay lit

4:48-5:02

You can never take my shit come and get me. On the top floor,  cloud 9, fading, never bailing, felt amazing, inhaling, til my lungs two guns blazing. Overcome all the stunts that I pulled. A suit of just skin and then wool

5:02- 5:17

This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm ya. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here till they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80, and start moving like a ruler, ?damaged? Like a computer going fast, bars from the jeweler, bring the songs to the beach in hopes of finding tuna

5:18-5:36

…

5:36- 6:16

Grab a bat, lose my rag. Couple things got me mad, a couple people got me wrong and now I’m changing up the swag. Coming in and stealing it, I might take the whole bag. Feeling undefeated, I’m a beast with a reason, and imma lead the whole pack. Fearless like I’m Caesar, I’m just waiting for a chance to fill it up with diesel, and all I've been achieving is clocking miles in its region, moving like a legion.

Promise that I made to myself an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving, staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving.

I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy, it’s time I grew up,  a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on a mike.

6:16-6:32

I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane. The truth is on my medicine, can’t put that on your plate.

Speeding into everything, bout time I fixed the brakes. Don’t say I can’t communicate , you know I conversate with you in several different ways. And I know you know it’s references, looking at your face.

6:33- 6:53

Can’t justify mistakes, like every man that made them, seems I ain't  the one to blame. Lying to myself, only had so much to gain, so now I’m switching up the plate, see if that affects the place, im at on most days

I ain’t going with the usual so they looking at me strange. Confused, I can feel it all,  I’m here to make a change. It’s cold at 3am outside, I’m walking with the dog, thanking god that you don’t talk at all, my mind is switching off

6:54-7:12

Driving down to find myself, cuz I’ve been getting lost, lived this selfless life and found I can give a toss. Lessons that I’ve learned I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself.

So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt. Like burning toy soldiers that used to go up on the shelf. Recycle the ideas, conveying on the belt

7:14-7:29

.. circus, always hurting the way we felt? Embarrassed that we dreamt of bigger things and letting go of notions till we feel them in cement

Tired of only hoping, we feel broken men. Cuz the gravity is weight and has kept us to the ground, see the only people speaking with favors in their mouths

7:46-7:58

Got killer rhymes… no fillers, like godzilla, eating clouds cuz my smokes thicker, throat licker, my dope sicker, bringing people their hope like im the pope slicker,  i hope you’re getting the point cuz i walk quicker

I thought my city was shit bcs I want bigger like my zipper couldn’t zip up fed up with the…my love is fickle.. Residual age has a primitive face

I see demise for your limited ways, Left it to simmer, simmer away…a fake glimmer in the haze

8:09-8:11

Feeling trapped this industry is a cage

8:34-8:50

Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views, while they’ve been sat in their chairs, I’m feeling pressure to choose.

Standing here as one man, how can I do half when you’re half the person I am. If it wasn’t in your life, you didn’t choose it. It’s the funny thing about music. It’s the pain and beauty of it.

8:52-9:11

Don’t give a fuck what my suit is, it looks good so I wear it, better than the shoot that People’s wearing, changing the whole narrative for these basics and scarcity

Been facing the racists from back when i were a kiddie .born up in in 93’. been living in Bradford City..kicked me out of the schools, they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p*** still sitting in the classroom chilling, and i'm angry now that I’m older I see they treat us different

9:12-9:25

got me thinking I’m the problem cuz they never dealt with those issues.

20 years later I’m still in the same boat, tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for, man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil, when they got me by the throat

9:25-9:35

Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them

‘Boy your skin is so light’, ok motherfucker take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.

9:35-9:45

I don’t know how that’s acceptable, when life is more susceptible to perception, be the death of them. I’ve been looking at the sky saying where’s that day of reckoning, you had your prophets right when they say that you would speak to them.

9:45-9:55

I need justice in this life and I trust that it’s my fight, cuz when I’m writing it feels right to have them focused on the facts again. Focused on the rap again, hoping for the change, gunna put this on the map again

9:55-10:16

Writing in all caps again, the pain, it goes through me so I write the letter. All the shit that could have brought me but made me better.

I’m at home with a pain in my soul , yeh rap… cuz you know I was too real to contest it, my time was invested. Now I look at the industry, I see it infested, looking like kids who would write on nesquik.

10:17-10:29

My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.

I ain’t never gave a fuck about these jokers and jesters. Ain’t no answers for these things, so just save us the questions, man allowed of violence, cuz my silence is deafening, your opinion stinks, somebody get him a breath mint.

10:30- 10:42

Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening, I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine Now they all wanna hear me, got a table at letterman. Direction changed, like I changed up the lettering. Don’t believe the age ,bcs I move like a veteran.

10:42 - 10:47

Raised on the benefit for whose benefit, they’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.

…no words coming out when you open your mouth

And to be honest, it’s insulting, offensive to my wounds that have been salting. Tryna ask me questions that they know I never answer. I’d rather sit online and reply to the fan art

11:00-11:06

Fuck a sports car, coming through when i rapped

tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor

11:06- 11:17

Fake life, 'sup online, suck a fat one. You don’t wanna buy into that, none of that son. Sitting in the garden 98’ in the Datsun,  seen some hot summers but I still remember that sun.

*music*

11:51- 12:34

I make millions off of my pain, cause I know a few millions still living that way

Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause i hit the nerve. Only way that the sheep learn if the street firm, in my ways I don’t wanna change, everything just stay the same

Who you tryna convince you understand, cant maintain, let the lights dim some,  get the Chow Mein, flex, get the tape, right up at night

Why these men be nice to my face, be nice,  i ain’t tryna be a gangsta ruins my vibe

Rather be low-key and on my phone. Never need the trophy or the show piece

Never show peace in a North Face fleece. Show kids this like i wrote my flip

Cause the sign might fit till the start i’m sick

12:37-13:05

Now you see where I come from, the world don’t. Only achievement in this life is the Jordans. Committing petty crimes out of boredom, we can’t afford them. So I stole it, need a rolex

Go make sense, get yourself a job, It’s a poor man’s game tryna sit and pray to god, he ain’t sorting out your problems, gotta sort them out yourself

Used to tell us fables, now I’m writing them myself, Cause we raw like animals we all just need some help

Cathartic, I’m an artist, trying to put my heart in

Felt double crossed like Leo in Departed

13:05- 13:27

For the knowledge i’m not charging see I got it all free

But my hunger kept me starving like i’m feening for the feed

I just Need a reason to see me bleeding for my creed. Trick you with the words like I keep em up my sleeve. Picking where I fit, I see me sitting with the queen

I ain’t doing it unless you’re used to saying please

Let me flow a bit, before I sting 'em with the bees, They tryna kill us with disease

(Music)

13:34- 14:12

Why does it feel like they had the same notebook and the same four looks

Like the rain won't touch on their face, so sus when they lie don’t trust not a minor

Please no fuss, I just move through the game like must

Something in the way i adjust till i stick, Free falling like the ship, free fall till i bust

Remember 21 brother gave no fucks. Trying to project when they give them looks

In the projects, in the objects us

In my own way, never gave me love, shoulda never started this, broken hearted kid

Dried up the feeling till I stole the lid

Don’t wanna relish in the fame but I can’t resist

14:46-14:58

I like the way we feel, I like the way, I like the way

Ain’t no mistake, i am a being

I ain’t tryna be a leader, been selling out since Jesus

All my rhymes are for the readers, between the lines, like Father time, I fuck Mother Nature

14:58-15:40

That’s what they get, the connotations. Tell 'em I lived a life, and then I lived a life of adjacent? like its…. and played it patient.

Alone on my own spaceship, always tryna find greatness, still defying lines, but I’m fighting in my prime.

Shining light like Kylo while imma kill it all the time. Aging like I’m wine

Asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define. Focused on defiance, imma fight it while it’s life.

Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next, just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around til I’m the best

Speaking in full sentences, shoulda thought about a strategy before you went at the stratosphere about this… rings around Saturn, this ain’t a battle, I’m sat, I’m here

15:40-16:22

Catch me doing magic, hired and sounding tragic I think you could use practice and until that you get the blacklist and pull like a … actress? Fooling them like a catfish, schooling like a legend, happy to be the reference, fusing like iridescence, leaving them all guessing, leaking out of my brain like a pipe I aint fixing, shining like a star you can see it from a distance

Aint many of me around p*** I’m just different Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto, clean up like Im Dettol

I’m the man to put a bet on, sight smart like a weapon,  this is my kind of setting, i write the world I’m sat in, while these others live on hype, i see them fight in how they type, the fruit is ripe for the taking, i think i might

16:22-16:57

Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here

16:58- 17:47

Eccentric things are mentioned like a kid stuck in detention tryna escape im just spitting what is written on the next page, spitting image of my dad in his young days

Born sinner when i’m livid i say fucks sake

Don’t worry i’m too cunning with no plumbing, the waterworks, i sung something that resonates, i thought it first like giving birth to the parrot perch

They see me do it and they know it works

Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse

You’ll be nervous, you don’t deserve it we’ll scratch the surface ill leave a crater, lift the dirt up to find the hurting

Can’t know for certain nothing is guaranteed, tryna be a better person than the world deserves to see cuz i see a lot of sharks still swimming in the sea

Cease and arrest what’s the reason.. And these the kinda kids we bringing up next

Distorted reality, all they needed was family, too hard to face, to see what the damage is

17:47

*i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, *

18:04-18:38

Sometimes they ask the questions too deep to form a sentence, to disform, is this the norm, is this the sentence i feel defenseless i played the setlist, and all my sweat blood and tears, forgot to mention feeling lost, going off into different sections i feel like love wrecked it

If it’s not a drug why am i waiting for the next fix, affected, i cant believe that you left this

I guess I leave for the best wish, moving on like im fine for the lectures

We see it all from spectrums, cuz if we’re falling down we can fall down together

Staircase to heaven, mirror down the middle like 11, resentment on one side it won’t settle

18:38- 19:14

Mind fried but taking sense, they aint got a sense of themselves in the rich ends

Need to spell it out for them.. Made for them so witness

I know you feel afflicted but you always love it with me while im laughing at you, ya think you’re laughing with me

I try to (i love you) but im grown so they don’t fit me, my body thrown from the new to this old city so Im sick of sitting on my own, feeling so shitty, i’ve been on roads where its cold and the snow hitting

Its okay to be yourself, sit and talking to myself

I’ve been walking for the longest, just need a little rest, know i ain’t the strongest, I can feel it in my chest, talking about my feelings and of me, they get the best

19:14-19:59

They aint leaving, seeing breathing in my breath

Till death do us part is just seeded in my heart, like a work of art

Never winning,im just scared

Cant begin from the start, do i play a part in the rhythm of the night

I guess i’m onto something cuz the dark is feeling right

Every cloud got a lining, put my own miles  in, like moralis, figured that they’re jealous, that they could just never tell us to change because the weather never made me question whether or not i’m not that level

Got rid of all the bullshit sitting in my way, most of them are full of shit i see it every day

I do hearing the same things that i do, maybe that shits hitting like haiku

How much do you pay for them to hype you

Recycle your flaws but they aint like new, leaving and conceded and full of diesel like engines that need a cleaning, the ending will be revealing. Even though we ain’t raising the facts, now we been facing.

20:01-20:52

The cactus with spikes, needing spaces. Different faces, the same story. A full body like straight body direct to your system.

Could never tell 'em we missed’ em. Not even with the thoughts, we gift them. Cuz they just take advantage, guess we are caught in a system.

My soul pouring out details of borrowed time, had enough of a fill, this is for sorrow time. I’m seeing visions of Heaven, I seen the severed line, between the gospel they speak and when theyre telling lies.

Remember telling a friend of mine, you’d sent of mine, identified like a 3rd eye. Got a habit of knowing now where the dirt lies. So benign. I ain’t sober after 9, so I fuck their minds. Why you flipping out, see another

Try to rep it from the city, fuck a chiller crew, repping for the nittys, trying to keep us down, raised on the social, don’t want to let us out of the system. Me, I insist we assist them, me alone putting shifts til I lift them

20:53-21:12

I know it’s hard, that’s why I like it, I’m fit to fight it, I’m from the North, I’m backing Tyson, it’s been decided, don’t see no light. They needing guiding, just redefining, realizing, I’m realigning, in full finance, they stay silenced.

Can’t be louder, I’m juiced up with no powder. I fix shit like a slick spanner. Gone green like Bruce Banner. So free Gaza on my banner

21:12-21:51

The real McCoy, I ain’t nothing to toy with, signifying peace like a Japanese Koi Fish. How did this happen, we’re moving backwards in our timeline, killing us with cyanide, Right up for the freedom 'til we transform like Ironhide

This is bout my feelings, the way that I move affects the fate that I’m sealing. Can’t say nothing, with that something being on the page, kept inside the pen like the bars that have been kept caged. See I always had a plan, since I was young, we had nothing man

Now it’s been a few years since I ain’t seen the fam, on foreign lands. Bout to climb Everest in the avalanche. Right into the riddles as soon as you were born. Never asking the question cuz it’s the norm. See I’m in a questionin’ session

21:52-22:03

Like the manner got a method to teaching a lesson, listen to MF Doom, he taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten. Still we play cartoons so it’s never forgotten.

22:03-22:15

Chilling at the top but we came from the bottom. Writing and jottin for them life by, spotting the difference

*Dreams, was growing out of me, sun promising that tomorrow it will rise, time playing games with my mind, I swear it will pass us by

Train goes on the tracks, smoke, I’m tired to hide my thoughts, so blinded in flames, Don’t know where we’re going, I have no way of knowing, only see what’s in my head

Can’t we wait a minute, so we can savour this, It’s on my brain again, these days, It on my brain again these days”

23:10-23:46

They’re hating on Palestine ways, The oh no Palace playing Prince on the Steinway, Sending out mind waves, stop them like crimewaves, Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name

Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing

We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route, say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown

I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.. Done ain’t it, Shit just gets me vexed, and now I’m sitting that I think of it

23:45-23:59

Feeling on the brink of it, whatever it is, Figure out some shit at least it feels that way

talk about my feelings and I don’t feel so strange, finding solace, that’s a promise, in Metropolis but being honest, can’t write a sonnet, without some pain

24:00-24:40

Can’t fade away, away so we can savour this, been on my brain again these days

Can't find a way to be so you can savour this, been on my brain these days

Singing the song for another, singing a song for another

[knuffled]

just practice - chapter six

it’s finally here! sorry for the long wait, but i’m hoping the chapter is good enough to make up for it. there’s an announcement at the end of the chapter on ao3 that you should read if you’re a fan of the fic. hope you enjoy!

side-note: i think tumblr is not showing my posts bc i’ve got nsfw content, so it would help me out a lot if you reblog so people see this. thanks!

here’s the link to ao3

If you asked Annabeth, a thermos full of warm black coffee was one of the only redeeming things about mornings. She liked to make a fresh pot as soon as she woke up so that by the time she was done brushing her teeth, showering, and getting dressed, it would have cooled to just the right temperature – not so hot that it would scald your tongue, but not so lukewarm that it didn’t feel good going down your throat.

Yes, normally, a hot cup of black coffee was one of life’s true delights, but it did nothing to dull the misery of being up at six in the morning on a Saturday, cooped up in her father’s rusty, twenty year old Subaru.

It was Reyna’s fault that she was up at the ass crack of dawn, but Annabeth supposed she had a hand in the situation given that she had decided to reach out to her, not without a great deal of trepidation, to take her up on her offer to run together. At first, she had tried to resist the impulse, but as the date of the invitational drew ever closer, she knew she couldn’t just do what she’d always done if she wanted to get any better, and what better way to improve than to train with the best.

When she had called, Reyna had seemed surprised to hear from her at all.

She introduced herself, trying not to sound too nervous, and said, “Hey, Reyna, it’s Annabeth from the party three weeks ago? Not sure if you remember me, but you gave me your number and told me to give you a call if I ever wanted to run with you sometime.”

“Oh, I remember you,” Reyna said, her voice laden with some unspoken implication that Annabeth couldn’t decipher. “I didn’t think you’d actually call me.”

Annabeth breathed a laugh and said, “I didn’t think so either.”

“Well, I’m glad you did,” Reyna said. “Are you free this Saturday?”

“Um, yeah, I should be in the morning.”

“Morning works best for me too,” Reyna said. “Do you want to run one of your courses or one of mine?”

“One of yours,” Annabeth said quickly.

“Okay, I’ll shoot you a text with an address. Sound good?”

Annabeth had readily agreed and that had been the end of the call. It was only a few days later that she realized that they hadn’t decided on a time to meet, so she sent Reyna a follow-up text. During their initial call, Annabeth had made the mistaken assumption that ‘morning’ meant an hour or two before noon, not 6:30 like she was dismayed to find in Reyna’s answering text.

That was how she found herself making a long drive to Seneca Falls to a park that Reyna liked to run at. Annabeth tried not to be too grumpy about it and psyched herself up about the fact that she was going to be able to train one-on-one with the best female runner in the state, which made her feel just a little bit better.

By the time she stopped at the park over a half-hour later, the clock on her car dashboard read 6:27, making her three minutes early. Annabeth stepped out and took a look around the park. Dew coated nearly every blade of grass and formed beads against her yoga pants. The sun had only just started to rise, diffusing a pink glow across the horizon, and the air was so crisp it was almost painful to breathe in.

It didn’t look like anything special, but she presumed Reyna had a good reason for favoring it.

She stifled a yawn and made her way further inwards and found Reyna at the other end of the park, midway through stretching her hamstrings at the start of a trail that disappeared into a forest. When she saw her approaching, Reyna stood up and offered her a warm smile, which helped set Annabeth at ease. Seeing that Reyna shared her excitement did a great deal to calm her nerves.

“Hey, thanks for making it out here, Annabeth. I know it’s a bit of a drive from Westwood,” Reyna said.

“It wasn’t too bad,” Annabeth said. “What’s the plan for today?”

“Nothing too special,” Reyna said, shrugging. “We’re just going to follow the trail into the woods. It’s a six mile loop or so. Sound good?”

“Yeah, fine by me,” Annabeth said.

Reyna nodded before she resumed her stretches. Annabeth followed her lead and began stretching too, but she found that her eyes were constantly drawn to Reyna. She’d noticed it at the party too, but seeing how fit she was in the daylight was even more impressive. Even a layman could know she was a runner simply by looking at the definition of her calf muscles. Her shirt rode up when she stretched her shoulders, exposing abdominal muscles that most models would be jealous of. Annabeth had to force herself to look away before she was caught staring several times.

Once they finished their stretches, Reyna led her to the start of the trail and fiddled with her wristwatch before looking back up to her.

“Any final thoughts?” Reyna asked.

“Don’t go easy on me,” Annabeth said. “Don’t slow yourself down at all for my sake. Run like I’m not here.”

An easy grin crossed Reyna’s face. “Oh, don’t worry about that. I fully intend to kick your ass,” she teased.

Annabeth laughed and said, “Good. That’s why I’m here.”

Reyna gave her one final glance and raised an eyebrow. “Ready?”

“Ready,” Annabeth said, nodding.

With that, Reyna started the timer on her watch, and they took off into the woods. Reyna’s pace was faster than Annabeth was accustomed to, but nothing she couldn’t handle. Tall trees towered over the trail, covering them beneath a layer of thin darkness occasionally speckled with dappled sunlight. It didn’t take long for Annabeth to realize why Reyna favored this trail in particular – it sloped up and down constantly and was almost never flat, adding an extra layer of difficulty to the run.

Annabeth tended to favor flatter courses herself, but Reyna’s course posed an interesting challenge. It wasn’t long before her calf muscles began to burn from the strain of constantly fighting to run uphill and also controlling her speed as she went downhill – it was no wonder why Reyna’s calves looked like they were sculpted by gods.

The first three miles weren’t that bad, but it became progressively more difficult for Annabeth to match Reyna’s pace, the difference in the strength of their calves growing ever starker, until Annabeth found herself lagging behind midway through the fourth mile. Reyna gave her a glance over her shoulder but didn’t otherwise slow down, which Annabeth was grateful for.

As tough as it was to fall behind, Annabeth had figured this would happen. After all, if she could keep pace with Reyna for the entire run, she wouldn’t have needed to train with her in the first place, so she took the opportunity to study Reyna’s form instead of indulging in self-pity.

Her own form was nothing to be scoffed at, but Reyna’s was immaculate. From her limited understanding of biomechanics, Annabeth could tell that Reyna was exerting the minimal amount of her energy as she ran. Her form was as aerodynamically perfect as could be achieved – her arms tucked loosely to the sides of her body, her stride not too long or too short, how she rolled fluidly from the tips of her toes to the balls of her heels each time her feet hit the ground – everything working symbiotically to reduce the amount of effort she expended.

It made Annabeth notice how her own elbows were slightly pointed outwards instead of being flush to her torso and how her shoulders were hunched a bit, making it less efficient for her to breathe in and out. Those insights alone were worth the price of admission, but Annabeth continued to pick up on further slight improvements she could make over the rest of the run.

Still, it stung to see Reyna leaning against the side of a tree at the end of the trail, waiting for her to finish. Thankfully, Annabeth finished only two or three minutes after Reyna did, which was honestly better than she had expected, but she suspected that she’d pushed herself much harder than she would have if she’d been running on her own.

Once she reached Reyna, Annabeth leaned over and pressed her hands to her knees, panting. Reyna stopped her watch and turned her wrist so Annabeth could see her time. It wasn’t bad for a six mile run. She’d done better, but those runs had been on far flatter courses.

“How’re you feeling?” Reyna asked.

“Like you delivered on your promise to kick my ass,” Annabeth said breathlessly.

Reyna laughed and said, “I’m glad you’re not sore about losing.”

“My ego’s a bit bruised, but it’s seen worse,” Annabeth said, shrugging.

“I think you did really well for your first time on this course,” Reyna offered.

Annabeth stood up straight and breathed deeply. “Thanks, that means a lot coming from you.”

Reyna smiled and said, “No problem.”

There was a pause before Reyna said, “We should probably finish up with some stretches. I don’t want to keep you for too long.”

Annabeth nodded and followed Reyna’s lead on their post-run stretches. As they stretched, Annabeth asked, “So how long have you been running?”

Reyna hummed thoughtfully before saying, “Since like fifth grade, I think?”

“Were you always this good?”

“I was good, but I wasn’t the best in my school or anything,” Reyna said, shrugging. “I think I started to improve a lot in ninth grade or so once I started getting taller. How about you?”

“Well, I started in seventh grade. I was pretty much the best in my school, but I stopped growing in like eighth grade, so I think I just hit my peak earlier than you did,” Annabeth said.

Reyna nodded in acknowledgement and crossed one leg over another. “Have you always lived in Westwood?”

“Yeah, my entire life,” Annabeth said, mirroring her movements.

“How about the guy you left with at the party?”

Annabeth blinked in surprise. “Percy? What about him?”

“You mentioned you were friends and stuff, so I was wondering if you’ve known him for a long time,” Reyna asked, shrugging.

“Yeah, we’ve been best friends since like second grade,” Annabeth said, nodding.

“That’s a long time,” Reyna noted, a subtle undercurrent in her voice.

Annabeth hadn’t ever really thought about the entire expanse of time she’d known Percy, but now that she did, she realized a decade was an insane amount of time to know someone.

“Yeah,” she murmured. “Yeah, you’re right.”

There was a pause before Reyna said, “He didn’t seem to like me very much.”

Annabeth fought her immediate instinct to argue with Reyna’s statement and said, “Yeah, I’m sorry. He’s usually really nice, so I have no idea why.”

Reyna gave her a strange look and said, “I think I have a pretty good idea why.”

Annabeth frowned and said, “What? Really?”

“Yeah, it was probably because he could tell that I was into you,” Reyna said nonchalantly, like she was talking about the weather.

Annabeth felt like someone had hit her in the face with a shovel. “W-Wait, what?”

The seriousness in Reyna’s eyes froze Annabeth. “I think you’re cute, Annabeth. What would you say if I asked you out?” Reyna asked.

“I— I, um, I don’t know,” Annabeth stammered.

“What don’t you know?” Reyna asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Uh, well, I’ve never been asked out by a girl, so I don’t really know what to say,” Annabeth confessed.

Reyna blinked twice before saying, “I didn’t think you were straight.”

“I am,” Annabeth said, before pausing. “Well, I think I am, at least.”

Reyna stood up with a stony look on her face and wiped the mud off her yoga pants. When she spoke, her voice was filled with tense apprehension. “I thought you weren’t straight, my bad. I shouldn’t have just dropped that on you,” she said.

“No, you’re fine,” Annabeth assured her quickly. “I’m just not sure how to react.”

There was a pause before Reyna relaxed slightly and said, “Well, you don’t need to give me an answer straight away. I’m sure you’re feeling a cocktail of emotions right now, so take some time to sort them out. Let me know your answer once you’ve got a better sense of how you feel.”

“I’m already going out with someone,” Annabeth said, playing with her fingers.

“The guy from the party, you mean?”

When Annabeth nodded, Reyna raised an eyebrow and said, “Then why did you introduce him as your friend, not your boyfriend? It didn’t really seem like you both were in a relationship, at least not from what I could see.”

That was the second time someone had told her that in just the span of two weeks, much to Annabeth’s chagrin. Annabeth wasn’t sure how to respond because Reyna was right. She and Percy were only practice dating – it wasn’t a real relationship after all.

“Just think about it for some time, okay? You don’t need to give me your answer right now,” Reyna said.

Annabeth wanted to protest, but there was something in her that hesitated. The truth was that, for all intents and purposes, she wasn’t really in a relationship; she had just asked her best friend to pretend to be her boyfriend without thinking about the gravity of her own request. It didn’t seem right to reject Reyna’s sincere feelings offhandedly.

Reyna seemed to sense that Annabeth was still mulling it over so she said, “No pressure. It’s totally fine if you don’t want to. I just want you to actually think about it, okay?”

“Okay,” Annabeth murmured.

Reyna smiled and said, “Well, I’ll see you later then. Let me know if you ever want to get together again sometime. Good run today.”

Annabeth hadn’t missed that Reyna had dropped the pretense of using running as an excuse to see her again. She simply nodded, not trusting herself to say anything. Reyna gave her one final look before she made her way back to the parking lot at the other end of the park.

As Annabeth watched her leave, she released a breath that she hadn’t realized she had been holding. She sat there for a while and wrestled with the growing frustrated confusion that was churning in her stomach.

What am I doing?

The more she thought about it, the more ridiculous her entire arrangement with Percy seemed. It was becoming increasingly clearer to her that she hadn’t properly considered what she had gotten herself into. First, the incident with Piper and now this with Reyna made her realize that this whole fake-dating thing was completely pointless, at least not in its current state. Nothing was actually any different between her and Percy – they were just friends masquerading as a couple.

For a few minutes, she just sat there and tried to think her way out of the situation before realizing that it was futile. Whatever, she’d figure it out later. Hopefully.

Annabeth sighed and stood up, wiping off the sweat that had accumulated on her brow. She wasn’t looking forward to the half-hour drive home before she could shower. As she made her way back to the parking lot, Annabeth found herself wishing, not for the first time, that she could talk to someone about this whole fake-dating thing, but for now she knew she was on her own.

:::

Rachel’s phone alarm went off midway through their How To Train Your Dragon marathon, alerting them to the fact that their brownies were done baking. Annabeth stood up and eagerly made her way over to the oven with Piper, Hazel, and Rachel. The scent of fresh brownies grew stronger as they got closer to the kitchen, reaching a crescendo once Rachel pulled the baking tray out with a triumphant grin and set the brownies on the counter top.

“They’re perfect,” Rachel beamed. “Now, we just need to wait until they cool down. That means you, Piper.”

“Hey, rude,” Piper protested.

Rachel just stuck her tongue out at her while the rest of them laughed. Having a girl’s night once a month had become something of a tradition during high school. Between her, Piper, Rachel, and Hazel, they would alternate whose house would host the meet-up, and it was spent binging movies and eating pizza. If they were feeling particularly adventurous, like today, they would even bake brownies or cookies.

Within a few minutes, they were seated in front of the gigantic TV in Rachel’s living room again and resuming the movie. Annabeth sat on one end of the sofa, but Piper was sprawled across the other two cushions, with her feet on Annabeth’s lap, much to her annoyance, and her head on Hazel’s while Rachel sat on the ground in front of them.

“Come on, Rache, you should join the fun up here!” Piper said.

“Speak for yourself, you heathen,” Annabeth muttered.

Piper glared at her while Rachel laughed and Hazel hid a smile. “Thanks, but I think I’ll pass. I like the floor better,” Rachel said, shrugging.

They continued their Pixar binge, but as the night went on, their interest in watching whatever movie that was playing waned until they stopped paying attention altogether in favor of talking to one another instead. At first they told jokes or shared stories that wouldn’t have been the least bit funny if they weren’t half-delirious from staying up so late, but eventually the topic of discussion turned to romance, like it always did at some point or another.

“So how’re things going with Percy, Annababe?” Rachel asked, now seated facing the sofa.

Annabeth wanted to groan, but Rachel held her palms up in surrender and said, “I know, I know, and I’m sorry, but you know that I wouldn’t have to ask if I wasn’t forced to go to a dumb private school.”

“Yeah, Annabeth, how are things with Percy?” Piper asked innocently.

Piper only raised an eyebrow in response to the withering look Annabeth gave her, making her sigh.

“Things are going well, as I have already explained to Piper here,” Annabeth said, giving Piper a pointed look before continuing.

“We’ve only been on one date since we started going out because we’ve been so busy with college apps and school and clubs. It was a nice date though. We went to the aquarium that Percy worked at over that one summer and he showed me around. I had a good time.”

Rachel beamed and said, “That’s great, Annabeth! I’m so happy for you two.”

“Me too,” Hazel said. “I know I don’t really say much about it, but I think it was a long time coming.”

The other two girls nodded in agreement, which only confused Annabeth, but she didn’t think it was worth trying to broach the subject like she had with Piper.

“Man, it’s about time that Percy went out with someone nice,” Rachel said, leaning back on her elbows. “Percy’s taste in girls has historically been pretty awful, present company excluded of course.”

Annabeth frowned and said, “What do you mean?”

Rachel furrowed her brow and said, “Like all the stuff that happened with his ex’s and whatnot.”

“Especially Kara,” Hazel said darkly.

Kara Mayfield had been the last girl that Percy had gone out with, but they had only lasted a few months during junior year before breaking up. Like with all his other relationships, Percy hadn’t ever talked to her about it directly, and Annabeth hadn’t bothered bringing it up either because she figured it was Percy’s business and that he would share with her if he thought it was important.

Rachel nodded solemnly and said, “Kara was a real piece of work.”

“Really?” Annabeth said, blinking. “I’ve had a few classes with her and stuff, and she’s always seemed pretty nice.”

Rachel balked and said, “You think she’s nice ? After what she did to Percy?”

This was news to her. “What do you mean?” Annabeth said, frowning.

This seemed to take Rachel aback even more than her previous statement. “Wait, you don’t know? Percy never told you that she–”

Piper had shot Rachel a warning glare and subtly shook her head, making Rachel stop mid-sentence. Annabeth looked between the two of them wondering what had just happened.

“Percy never told me that she what?” Annabeth asked, trying not to sound as irritated as she felt.

Rachel looked between her and Piper nervously before she said, “Uh, I’m not sure I should say.”

All at once, Annabeth felt her bottled frustration erupt. “Why does it feel like everyone is hiding something from me? Like you’re all in on some big secret that I’m not allowed to know about? It’s getting really fucking annoying. Like, am I just not trustworthy enough or something?”

Piper sat up with a sigh, moving her feet off of Annabeth’s lap, and put her hand on her shoulder.

“Look, there’s some stuff that we don’t have the right to tell you about if Percy hasn’t shared with you already. I know it’s upsetting that he’s not telling you things, but I get why he chose not to. It’s not because he doesn’t trust you, okay? We both know Percy would lie in traffic for you. You just have to trust that he has a good reason, okay?” Piper explained.

On the one hand, Annabeth knew that what Piper was saying was true, but on the other she couldn’t deny that it hurt a lot that Percy was keeping things from her. As much as it frustrated her, Annabeth knew it was pointless to try to get anything more out of the other girls, so she grit her teeth and nodded tersely.

“Maybe you should talk to Percy about it, if you really want to know,” Hazel suggested.

“Whenever I try to, he doesn’t give me a straight answer,” Annabeth said, her jaw clenched. “I feel like I don’t even know him anymore.”

“He’s still the same person he’s always been, Annabeth,” Hazel said gently.

“The Percy I know doesn’t keep secrets,” Annabeth snapped. “And I don’t want to hear anymore about how he has a good reason or whatever. I’ve never tried to hide stuff from him. Even the thought of doing that feels wrong to me. I’d just always assumed he felt the same.”

There was an awkward silence before Piper sighed and said, “I think that you need to explain this to Percy. We’ve shared our thoughts and stuff, but you won’t be satisfied until you talk to him yourself.”

Annabeth pressed her lips in a hard line and nodded sharply, but it was still hard to stomach the swirling mass of hurt, anger, and betrayal in her chest. If anything, this conversation had proven that the vague sense of unease that she felt around Percy hadn’t been unfounded. Now that her doubt was gone, she could finally have a stern conversation with him.

Rachel cleared her throat and said, “Well, now that that’s out of the way, I just wanted to let everyone know that I’m hosting a Halloween Party here on the Saturday after Halloween! It’s a costume party, so make sure you get something in time.”

“Real smooth, Rache,” Piper said, rolling her eyes.

“What? Come on, it was getting really awkward in here!” Rachel protested.

Annabeth found that she was smiling despite herself and decided to let the matter go before she turned to Piper and asked, “I forgot to ask, but how’d the audition go?”

Piper’s eyes lit up and she launched into a story about how she’d had to improv a line that she’d forgotten during the audition and how Mrs. McAllister had shed literal tears when she’d heard it. Annabeth’s attention wandered as the conversation meandered from there late into the night. Hazel was the first to fall asleep at around three in the morning, followed by Rachel, and finally Piper and herself.

Her eyes were just beginning to close when Piper whispered, “Annabeth, are you awake?”

Annabeth fought the urge to groan and said, “No, I’m asleep.”

“Very funny,” Piper said dryly.

There was a beat before she said, “I just– just don’t think too badly of Percy, okay? He cares so much about you it’s not even funny.”

Annabeth sighed and said, “I’m just a little upset, but yeah I know.”

Piper propped herself up on her elbows and looked at Annabeth with a hard look in her eyes. “Do you though? Do you really? You don’t know what he’s sacrificed for you, what he has been through for you .”

“And that’s my fault?” Annabeth hissed. “It’s my fault that I don’t know things that are deliberately being kept from me?”

Piper sighed and said, “That’s not my point, Annabeth.”

“Well, get to your point then,” Annabeth snapped.

“My point is that Percy has suffered through a lot for your sake, more than you can imagine. I just really need you to understand that. Like, I get that you’re upset and everything, but you need to trust him and cut him a little slack,” Piper said, her tone taking on a beseeching quality.

Annabeth was silent for a while before she said, “I trust him more than anyone in the world, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be upset with him. I’m sure you’re right about all the things he’s done for me, but I never asked for that. I know that makes me sound like an asshole, but I didn’t ask him to turn himself into a martyr for my sake – I asked for a friend, and friend’s trust each other. And right now, I’m not feeling a whole lot of trust.”

“I understand. Just– Just don’t judge him too harshly without knowing the context behind his actions. That’s all I’m asking,” Piper said quietly.

Despite all the hurt she was feeling, Annabeth nodded. Piper whispered her thanks and said good night before falling silent again.

Annabeth couldn’t sleep after that. Piper’s words echoed in her head for a long while after that, until she finally succumbed to sleep. Maybe that was why her dreams that night resurfaced long forgotten memories, memories she never should’ve lost.

:::

The moonless sky made it difficult for Annabeth to see anything in front of her as she ran through the woods, tears streaming down her face. Her arms were littered with welts and cuts from the protruding branches and thorny shrubbery in her path that she hadn’t been able to avoid. She wiped the unshed tears from her eyes with the back of her hand, but her eyes were still puffy and sore.

Suddenly, she burst out of the forest into a backyard and felt a flood of relief when she saw the house in front of her. With practiced ease, she scaled the willow tree behind the house and rapped her knuckles against the second floor window. It wasn’t long before the blue curtains were drawn back and a twelve-year-old Percy frowned from behind the window before noticing her. His eyes immediately widened with worry before he opened the window. Annabeth tackled him with a hug, making him stagger back, and sobbed into the crook of his neck.

“Annabeth? What’s going on? What happened?” Percy said.

Annabeth tried to speak but every time she tried she found herself just crying harder and harder. Percy, sensing her growing frustration with her inability to articulate herself, ran his fingers through her hair and whispered softly under his breath, and even though she couldn’t make out what he was saying through the sound of her sobbing, she felt a deep sense of comfort.

It was hard to say how long she stayed like that, burrowed in Percy’s arms, before she finally drew away from him. He looked at her with such aching kindness and concern that it made her heart squeeze a little in her chest.

“Do you want me to get you some water or something to eat?” he asked.

Annabeth nodded silently, and it was only when Percy stood up that she realized that they’d been kneeling on his bedroom floor, right beside the open window.

He gave her a stern look and said, “I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Okay,” Annabeth said. Her voice was so hoarse she could barely hear herself speak.

Percy understood somehow - like he always did, like he always had - and gave her a reassuring nod before he slipped quietly out of his bedroom. As soon as he was gone, she curled in on herself and bit her quivering lip to stop herself from sobbing. Her heart throbbed inside her chest like someone was trying to twist each side in opposite directions in their hands.

She slipped into a trance of sorts, escaping into some corner of her mind where she didn’t have to feel anything, but it was shattered by a loud sound from downstairs, like the sound of something breaking, that made Annabeth freeze. Silence swallowed the sound quickly and everything was still again, but that just made Annabeth feel even more on edge.

It took nearly three minutes before the bedroom door opened again and Percy slipped inside, closing the door soundlessly behind him, with a glass of water and two granola bars. His face was unnaturally blank, but his eyes burned with cold intensity. The look disappeared as soon as he saw Annabeth again and a tired smile crossed his lips.

He handed her the glass of water and a granola bar and kept the other one for himself. “Sorry I’m late,” he said softly, leaning against his bed frame.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Nothing,” he said easily. “Just broke a plate.”

Annabeth knew that he was lying, but she wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to press him on it. She hadn’t missed the way he had winced, so imperceptibly that she would’ve missed it if she hadn’t been looking carefully enough, when his back had made contact with the bed frame.

“So what’s going on?” he asked gently, leaning against his bed frame.  

Annabeth didn’t want to let him change the subject, but she couldn’t think of how to call him out on it. She stared down at her cup of water and tried to think of where to begin.

“It’s my step-mom,” she said quietly.

Percy’s voice was soft as he said, “Yeah, I kind of figured.”

Annabeth nodded and sighed, pressing a hand to her forehead. “It’s just – things are just getting worse and worse. She just treats me like I’m a disease. At first, she would always say really mean things to me when she thought my dad wasn’t around, but these days, she does it even when he’s there. That’s the worst part. I know that Helen’s awful, but my dad doesn’t do anything about it. He just – he just lets her do it.”

“That’s terrible,” Percy said, shaking his head. “Your dad shouldn’t let her say stuff like that to you. I mean you’re his daughter.”

Annabeth barked a harsh laugh and said, “It doesn’t feel that way anymore. Ever since Mom left, he’s been… different. It’s like he looks at me and sees her or something. I don’t know.”

She paused for a few seconds and took a deep breath before continuing. “That’s what we fought about today. My step-mom was being a jerk like always and then she said, ‘I don’t know where she gets it from. Probably from your ex-wife,’ and I just got so mad.”

“I started yelling at her and saying that she didn’t even know mom and that she shouldn’t say rude things about her. It just got worse from there and at some point, I told her that I hated her and that she wasn’t even my real mom, and then my dad slapped me.”

“He what ?” Percy asked sharply.

Annabeth nodded, trying to blink away tears. “H-He slapped me and said that Mom left us because she hated us and that Helen was my new mom now and that I had to respect her.”

Percy exhaled forcefully and said, “Oh, Annabeth, I’m so sorry.”

Annabeth tried to shrug like it wasn’t a big deal, but she caught a glimpse of the sadness in Percy’s eyes and before she knew it, she was sobbing again.

Percy pulled her into another hug and muttered, “What your dad did is so messed up. He’s an adult, and you’re twelve. Like I know you’re the smartest, maturest twelve year old on Earth, but that is just wrong.”

Annabeth released a watery laugh and said, “Maturest isn’t a word.”

Percy leaned away so he could look down at her and shook his head, an exasperated smile on his face. “I can’t believe you can still make fun of my grammar right now,” he said, but there was an undeniable fondness in his tone.

Annabeth bit back on the impulse to tell him that the correct term was diction not grammar and found herself smiling along with him for a few seconds before the pain demanded to be felt again and she was struggling to blink back her tears.

“What if my dad is right though? What if Mom really did leave us because we weren’t good enough for her?” Annabeth whispered.

“Your dad is wrong. I don’t know why your mom left, but I am sure she didn’t want to. Even if your dad is right somehow, then your Mom was super stupid. There’s no way you’re not enough,” Percy said, and just like the countless number of times he had told her so before, there was an unshakable confidence in his voice that Annabeth wanted so desperately to believe in.

Annabeth pulled away from him and met his eyes, trying to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat.

“Then why do I feel so alone?” she asked, her voice breaking on the last word. “Why is it that everyone, even my own Mom, leaves me?”

Not even a second elapsed before Percy said, “I won’t leave you. Like, I know I’m not your Mom or anyone special, but I won’t leave you.”

Another watery laugh escaped her even as the lump in her throat grew larger. “You’re just saying that now, but eventually you’ll realize that I’m awful. You’ll realize that I’m mean and selfish and stubborn and arrogant and rude and you’ll want to leave too.”

There was something soft in Percy’s eyes as he said, “Even if you are, I still won’t leave.”

“How can you say that?” Annabeth asked, sounding more broken than she intended to.

“Because I know you,” Percy said, and the simple way he said it left no room for argument.

There was a pause as her heart thundered in her chest. Her thoughts raced in her mind as she tried to find the words to make him understand, understand exactly what an utter shitshow he was getting himself into, but she couldn’t find them.

Instead, she shook her head and said, “You’re making a mistake.”

“I’m not,” Percy said softly. “And even if I am, I choose to make it anyways.”

Frustration welled up inside her, but when she looked up and noticed the unmasked conviction with which he loved her, she found herself breaking in the best way possible.

She wanted to thank him, to tell him that he was wrong earlier about not being special, but as always, her selfishness won out and she found herself saying, “Do you promise?”

Percy reached with his pinky finger and looped it around hers and shook it once for good measure. “I promise.”

[blurglesmurfklaine]

Cornelia Street (8/9)

(+ an interlude i thought of after reading “Reeni”s comment. Idk who you are bc it was a guest comment, but thank you!)

A/N: oh my god they were quarantined

yes. It’s one of those fics.

AU, obvs

I’m posting as I go and idk how many parts this is going to be, likely won’t be very long but I literally don’t know what I’m doing and should i be starting yet another WIP? definitely not but fuck it lets fucking go

Title is from T-swizzles Lover album, I’m OBSESSED

Summary: Three years ago, Kurt and Blaine went on a disaster of a date and never quite got off on the right foot. Now, just before they graduate from NYADA, there’s a national outbreak and they’re both self-quarantined in a mutual friend’s apartment.

Read On AO3

On Tumblr: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

Interlude

QueenJCedes replied to your story!

Kurt bites back a dopey grin when he opens Mercedes’s snapchat message. It’s a photo of her looking dubiously at the camera, a single eyebrow pointed up, with the caption: Quarantine buddies, huh?

He snaps back a quick photo of himself, eyes rolled upwards. What can I say, he won me over.

She sends back just a message this time—

Mercedes: Yeah, clearly. Mercedes: Head over feet, Alanis style!

—and then a bitmoji of Kurt falling through the air.

Kurt: I mean… You’re not wrong Kurt: He’s sort of everything Kurt: AND a fantastic kisser

Mercedes: OMG REALLY? I was just teasing, but if this is legit, I’m so happy for you!!!

He can’t help but giggle excitedly as he types a reply. 

Kurt: Yeah. me too.

*

New Snap from setroutymouth

Blaine rolls his eyes but still can't school the smile on his face into a neutral expression. This is going to be a lot, he already knows, but nevertheless, he swipes his thumb across the screen to unlock his phone.

Sam’s pacing through Mercedes’s childhood home in Ohio, phone in selfie mode, already rambling at a hundred miles a minute that Blaine’s sure he cut off a few words.

“—cedes just showed me Kurt’s snapchat story and I AM LOSING IT! Did something happen between you two? Oh my god, something totally happened, didn’t it!? BLAINE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED MERCEDES WON’T TELL ME AND I ALREADY FINISHED EVERY BINGABLE SHOW ON NETFLI—”

As expected, it was a lot. But still not enough to burst his happy little bubble. He doesn’t think anything could, at this point.

Through his smiles, he snaps back a picture of himself shrugging, trying to look as clueless as possible, and adds the caption: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

It’s not even a full moment before he gets another video back.

“BLAINE ANDERSON I AM BEGGING YOU—”

Blaine locks his phone shut, mostly because he knows it’ll drive Sam crazy. He can respond later. Right now, there are more important matters at hand.

*

Blaine’s in the kitchen, putting away what was left of the carton of Cookie Two-Step ice cream they’d demolished while watching another Netflix romcom, when Kurt’s phone lights up.

New Message: From: Adam I saw your sc story You know you could just be *my* quarantine buddy When are you coming?

Kurt actually growls as he types out a reply. How did he put up with this for nearly three years?

New Message: To: Adam I’m not.

Kurt. We both know how this ends.

Not this time. I meant it. We’re done.

Okay, whatever you say I’ll check in with you later When you change your mind

Kurt doesn’t even warrant that with a response, he’s too seething mad to even formulate one with enough bite to put Adam in his place.

But then the door opens, Blaine’s beaming at him, and Adam is completely irrelevant.

“I was just thinking,” Blaine muses aloud, slipping under the covers and snuggling up next to him in a way that Kurt knows will be way too easy for him to get used to. “Do you remember our Junior year when we had to partner up during Stagefighting for that Musical Choregraphy project?”

Kurt explodes into laughter. “Uh, yeah, that was pretty ridiculous. I remember hearing from Matthew that you said I dance like a pigeon that’d been chewed up and spit out by a cat.”

“What!?” Blaine exclaims, shocked. “I swear I never said that. Though, I do remember going on a tangent about how I didn’t know how I was supposed to concentrate when you insisted on wearing those pants with that tight fitted shirt and…”

He trails off, and Kurt can feel color rising to his cheeks. “Oh, that explains it, actually.”

“Explains what?”

“Matthew. He had a huge crush on you.”

Blaine’s eyes double in size. “He what!?”

Kurt lets out a chuckle. “You seriously didn’t know?”

“No! Nobody told me!”

“That’s not how crushes work, Blaine,” Kurt says through a stream of giggles. 

“Okay, why does it make more sense for me to just take a wild guess about how people feel about me instead of them telling me, or acting on it? Like, if you hadn’t have kissed me earlier, I would have never known how you felt and kissed you back.”

Kurt opens his mouth to argue that logic, but… he seriously cannot get over how oblivious Blaine is. “So you’re saying that if I hadn't accidentally kissed you then you really wouldn’t have known how I feel?”

“Yeah. And I would most definitely not have acted on my crush.”

“Aw,” Kurt teases. “You used to have a crush on me. That’s embarrassing.”

“And you watch too much Parks and Rec.” 

“I’m gonna kiss you again, now,” he announces.

Blaine just grins, eyes crinkling at the sides. “I think that’s a great idea.”

There wasn’t much of a choice because of the shelter in place, but based on the bright spark forming in his chest when their skin meets, Kurt could definitely get used to this living situation.

*

Blaine finally pulls away reluctantly. If he could stay attached to Kurt forever, stay connected to him, he would. He roams his eyes over Kurt’s face, like he could memorize it if he really, really tried, and notices a scar just above his eyebrow. It would be invisible to anyone else, anyone who wasn’t trying to intentionally map out the image of Kurt.

The scar doesn’t bother Blaine, but the idea that someone ever hurt Kurt bad enough to leave physical evidence that refuses to leave tugs achingly at his heart. Instinctively, he takes his hand from where it rests on the side of Kurt’s face, and gently traces over the scar with the pad of his index finger soothingly, as if it hasn’t been healed for years.

“Sophomore year… two years ago,” Kurt’s murmuring refocuses his attention.

That was a hazy time for Blaine, but he does have a vague memory of hearing from a friend of a friend that Kurt spent some time in the hospital, and he definitely remembers his rival-slash-partner being missing from their stage acting class for a while.

“What happened?” He asks.

Kurt is so calm, so steady when he answers. It leaves him in awe. “It was when all those gay bashings were happening…” he pauses, and Blaine immediately feels sick to his stomach because he knows where this is heading. “I was on my way home from school and saw these guys attacking some teenager, and… I had to help. I ran over and started shoving them, I guess. I didn’t really know what I was doing, but the kid got away. I didn’t. The last thing I remember after that was what I think might’ve been a brick hitting my head.”

“Jesus,” Blaine breathes. His initial reaction is to say I’m sorry, but something tells him that Kurt isn’t sorry about it at all. Instead, he says, “I had no idea. That–that was really brave of you.”

Kurt snorts out a laugh. “I’m glad you think so. I spent most of my hospital stay being berated by my dad about how irresponsible it was.”

“No,” Blaine shakes his head. “If anything it was over-responsible.”

“I’m not convinced that’s a word.”

“Me neither,” Blaine says breathlessly, amber gaze fixed on the boy lying across from him.

He really just can’t help but pull them together again. 

Blaine thinks Kurt is opening his mouth to deepen the kiss and, well, he’s certainly not going to complain. Until Kurt sucks in a deep breath and turns his head, chuckling through his yawn.

“Sorry, I really thought I could hold that yawn in.”

Blaine lets out a laugh of his own and glances over at the analog clock on the nightstand. “It’s only midnight, you grandpa,” he teases.

“Hey! Doing nothing all day is seriously draining.”

“I wouldn’t call what we did nothing,” Blaine says cheekily, causing Kurt to flush.

“I’m going to shower before I head to bed,” Kurt responds, sitting up and lifting his arms up over his head and exposing an inch or so of his midriff.

Blaine is trying so hard not to stare. Nevertheless, he can’t help it as he watches Kurt saunter off to the restroom. 

He tosses his head back onto the pillow with a satisfied grin on his face. Global crisis it may be, but if he got Kurt Hummel out of it… he could complain about worse things.

A bright ding from his right interrupts his thoughts. Blaine turns his head and sees the screen of Kurt’s phone light up, resting there on the nightstand.

He’s not snooping. He’s really not. It’s just sort of instinct to look in the direction of the sounds.

Then, he sees the succession of messages that make his stomach churn.

New Message: From: Adam Hurry and finish up with the rebound already I miss you Text me when you’re on your way

He stares at the screen for a few seconds before it fades back to black, feeling absolutely sick to his stomach. Of course Kurt was going to run back to his ex the first chance he got. It’s exactly what he did three years ago and Blaine was just kidding himself. This was all too good to be true.

Turns out it wasn’t.

Before he knows it, he’s grabbing his duffel bag and dialing Quinn’s number. 

He’s always welcomed there and New Haven isn’t all that far, after all.

Part 9

[disasterdeacy]

Angel Eyes: Joe Mazzello x Reader

Requested By: @sean-macguire

Request: “just fluff with roger or joe, idm who”

A/N: Thank you so much for requesting doll! I hope you like it, I’m sorry if it isn’t what you wanted, but it kind of took on a life of its own lol. I made the setting Alabama, mainly because that’s where I’m from, and also bc Joe’s good ole boy Eugene Sledge accent makes my heart tingle so I needed an excuse to include this lol. Requests are open, so feel free to send them my way! Character: Joe Mazzello x Reader Word Count: 4,046 (I got carried away wow) Warnings: Fluff, mentions of anxiety, panic attacks Summary: When your parents insist on meeting your new boyfriend Joe, you’re more than excited. You love your family and their opinion of your significant other means the world to you, you know they’re going to love him no matter what, but Joe is absolutely paralyzed with fear. After you touchdown, you two are immediately on your way to your childhood home, Joe has been silent the whole flight, and his insecurities begin to show. Always the empathetic girlfriend, you pull off the interstate and reassure the love of your life.

  When (Y/N)’s parents called her a few weeks ago, requesting she bring her boyfriend of 6 months home with her for the 4th, you were overjoyed. Joe was the only person in her life she you loved more than her family, and for all of the most important people in her life to be in one place made her heart so happy. The only thing that could make it even better is if Gwil, Lucy, Rami, and Ben could’ve been there as well. (Y/N)  decided to tell Joe about the invitation as soon as he arrived home that night from set, knowing that they both would need to go ahead and make travel arrangements to travel from NY to Alabama. So, as soon as Joe walked through the door that night, (Y/N) was immediately at his side, arms around his waist. Joe chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her, pressing a kiss to your temple as he swayed the two of them in place. “Wow wow wow, this is the most affection you’ve ever shown me Ms. (Y/N), did you run over my cat?” Joe laughed as she pressed an affectionate kiss to his neck. (Y/N) scoffed and pulled away from his embrace, swatting him on his shoulder. “Joseph Francis! You better shut your mouth, you know damn well that I am the most affectionate human being alive.” Joe laughed and danced away from (Y/N)’s playful swat, grabbing her around the waist once again as she pouted. “I know babe, I know, and I have no idea what I did to deserve someone like you.” (Y/N) had thought the same thing, from the moment she and Joe had went on their first date, to now, she was extremely confused as to how she had managed to find someone as wonderful and kind as Joe. He was the kind of man that her parents had always hoped she’d bring home one day, which was why she was so excited to tell him about the phone call. (Y/N) smiled and placed a kiss on Joe’s nose before pulling away from his embrace, he frowned at the loss of contact, and proceeded to follow her to the kitchen like a lost puppy as she went to prepare dinner. “Well, we’ll see how you feel about me when I tell you about the phone call I got today.” she said as she rounded the corner of the kitchen island. Joe raised an eyebrow at her statement, situating himself onto a stool across the island for her. “Oh really now? What could you have possibly done my darlin?” (Y/N) chuckled at Joe’s attempt at copying her slight accent, and pulled 4 cloves of garlic from the windowsill to begin mincing. “So, my mom called today,” she didn’t get a chance to finish that statement before Joe’s face went white as a sheet. The sudden change in pallor of her boyfriend’s face concerned (Y/N), so she halted her mincing and continued her statement. “and you know my family has a big 4th celebration. My mom and dad want you to come, they want to meet you. If you’re okay with it of course.” (Y/N) didn’t want to rush him into anything, but they had been dating for a little over 6 months, and she’d met his entire family after only dating for a month and a half. The silence that filled the room afterwards didn’t last too long, as Joe cleared his throat and his face turned beet red. “I would love to meet your parents (Y/N).” Joe reached over the island with a shaky hand and pulled the hand that wasn’t covered in garlic mush towards him. He was extremely red, and looked to be on the verge of tears. (Y/N) placed the knife down before wiping her hands on a hand towel, and walking around the island to stand at Joe’s side. “Babe, if you don’t want to go it’s okay. I don’t want to rush you into something.” she leaned against the island and took Joe’s shaking hands into her own. Joe sighed and looked up at her, “No darling, I want to, I want to meet them more than you know..” “But?” “But what if they hate me, and what if your dad thinks I’m not good enough for you, and what if your brother thinks.” (Y/N) cut him off by delicately pressing your lips to his own, moving her hand from his hands to the hair at the nape of his neck, gently caressing the area which she knew would immediately calm him down. Throughout the 6 months that the two had been together, (Y/N) had come to realize that Joe had a slight anxiety problem, which was completely understandable, as she had one herself. While she knew that Joe’s anxieties were usually easily remedied by talking them out with her, (Y/N) had never been the cause of his anxiety, and she didn’t particularly like the feeling. (Y/N) pulled her lips from his and pulled his face towards her neck, his favorite place to relax after a stressful day, he really was the softest boyfriend anyone could ever hope to have “Joe, I can promise you, with everything that I have, my entire family will love you. I promise. They’ve never wanted to meet any of my other boyfriends before, and all my mom wants to talk about is you when we’re on the phone.” Joe sighed into her neck, placing a soft kiss there as she  ran her fingers through his hair. “I know. I just know how much your family means to you, and I really don’t want to mess this up. I love you too much to let you go.” (Y/N) leaned into Joe and placed a kiss to the top of his head. “You don’t have to worry about it bub, they’re going to see how much you love me, and how much I love you, and that’s all they’re going to care about. Plus, my little cousins are very excited to meet you.” (Y/N) felt Joe chuckle against her neck before looking up at her.

“Jurassic Park” they both answered before dissolving in a fit of laughter. (Y/N) ruffled Joe’s hair before unraveling herself from him to continue cooking. Joe was suspiciously silent as (Y/N) continued mincing the remaining 3 cloves of garlic, before he rose from his spot across from her, rounding the island to wrap his arms around her waist, resting his head in the crook of her neck and shoulder. “Thank you (Y/N). You have no idea how much I appreciate you.” (Y/N) turned her head, placing a small kiss to his nose for the second time that night. “I do know, and I love you, but I would love and appreciate you even more if you would slice the carrots and potatoes.” Joe laughed and popped (Y/N) on the ass before heading to the refrigerator to get the vegetables his girlfriend had requested. ‘Maybe it won’t be that bad’ he thought, after all, he felt like he knew (Y/N)’s family well enough from the way she would talk about them. Joe nodded his head as he picked up the carrots from the crisper, ‘I’ll be fine.’

 2 Week Later (Y/N) and Joe had successfully made their way to their rental car after departing the arrivals terminal, which was far more crowded than (Y/N) had ever seen it. The two had managed to have a very good flight, despite departing JFK at 6am, thankfully (Y/N)’s family only lived a short hour from Birmingham, allowing them an easy drive home. Her mom had offered to come and pick the two up at the airport, but (Y/N) had refused, not wanting Joe to feel awkward cooped up in a small car with only her and her mother for an hour. She preferred for Joe to meet the whole family at one time to prevent repeated introductions. As they placed their bags into the small Camry, (Y/N) took the keys from Joe’s hands before kissing his forehead. “I’ll drove babe, I think I know the way pretty dang well.” Joe laughed, of course, this is where his girlfriend had been raised, of course she should drive. The first 30 minutes of the drive passed with relative ease, the two were engaging in the usual easy conversation they normally had, (Y/N)’s ABBA playlist blasting from the stereo as she pointed out small landmarks along the highway. However, after another 15 miles, signs began appearing referencing (Y/N)’s hometown. 20 miles, 15 miles, 10 miles, as they passed the 5 mile sign, Joe’s stomach began to drop. Even though (Y/N)’s pep talk 2 weeks earlier, Joe couldn’t seem to shake the insecurities which resided in the deepest recesses of his mind. He knew that (Y/N) loved him, and would love him no matter what, but he also knew that she loved her family as aggressively. If he didn’t impress her family, she would break up with him, he was sure of it, and if there was anything in this world that he wanted any less, it would be for (Y/N) to end their relationship. Though the two had only been together for 6 months, Joe had never felt as strongly for anyone as he did for (Y/N). The sheer thought of her leaving made Joe’s heart constrict, and he felt his stomach drop. The tell tell signs of a panic attack. He could feel the tears starting to build in his eyes, and the grip he had on his hands tightened to a near dangerous level, he knew he would be bleeding if he wasn’t careful. Meanwhile, (Y/N)’s favorite ABBA song, Angel Eyes, came up on her playlist. Her own eyes lit up underneath her sunglasses, before she turned her head to Joe to get him to join her in a duet. However, the sight that she was met with was one which she didn’t expect, one that made her stomach sink. Her sweet boyfriend was sat straight up in the passenger seat, hands balled in fists, breathing heavily as tears ran from his sweet hazel eyes. (Y/N) had been dreading this, she’d known that the talk the two had had in their kitchen 2 weeks previous had calmed Joe down, but she had a small inkling that he wasn’t completely at ease. She hadn’t been either when she’d met Joe’s family, but he had done the same thing for her, reassuring her that his family was going to fall as deeply in love with her as he had. This had worked, though she still felt nervous upon meeting the Mazzello clan. However, as she looked over at her usually funny, loud, and fun loving boyfriend, she knew that this was completely different from nerves. He was having a panic attack. Seeing a gas station ahead, (Y/N) stepped on the gas a little harder than usual, desperate to comfort Joe as soon as possible. Once she reached the Texaco station, she pulled off to the side, unbuckled her seatbelt, and rushed to Joe’s side of the car. Joe hadn’t even noticed that the car had stopped until he felt his car door open, and two hands grasp his own. The sudden movement jarred Joe from his own mind, forcing his eyes to the source of the interruption. He looked to his right, and saw (Y/N) kneeling at the side of the car, knees on the probably boiling asphalt, a desperate look in her eyes. “Joe? Joe, bub, listen to me, you’re okay, I’m here, you’re okay.” (Y/N) was staring intently into his tear filled eyes, trying to get his attention away from whatever was inside his head, to her voice. At the sound of his girlfriend’s voice, Joe seemed to snap out of it, unbaling his hands, wincing at the sharp pain his nails had caused. (Y/N) sighed out of relief, but it was short lived as Joe’s eyes finally overflowed with the previously unshed tears. His chest began heaving, and he looked at (Y/N) desperate for some kind of relief. She sprung into action immediately, unbuckling her boyfriend’s seatbelt and yanking him out of the car into the overbearing July heat, before pulling him flush to her body. Her hand went straight into his hair, gently tugging on the roots to try and ground him, it had always worked for her when she had panic attacks, so she figured she might as well give it a go. Joe continued sobbing, whispering incoherently into (Y/N)’s ear, his sobs wracking his body so bad that she couldn’t understand a word he said. She began whispering to him as well, gentle words of affirmation, just trying to calm him down enough so she could get him to talk to her. The two stood like this for a good 15 minutes, Joe sobbing into (Y/N)’s shoulder, but eventually his sobs began to subside enough for him to speak. (Y/N) felt Joe raise his head from her shoulder, and she untangled her hands from his hair, moving them down to grasp his cheeks, but not before wiping the evidence of her own tears from her face. “Joe, honey, please talk to me, what’s wrong?” Joe began to tear up again, which prompted (Y/N) to pull his head towards her so she could place a comforting kiss on his head. “It’s okay love, just talk to me. Please.” Her voice cracked as she looked into Joe’s eyes. Hearing his girlfriend’s voice crack seemed to stir something inside Joe, seemed to ground him. He quickly wiped his eyes, and sighed, hugging (Y/N) as tightly as he could. “I’m sorry. I’m so so so sorry (Y/N), I…” Joe attempted to apologize, but (Y/N) stopped him. “Joe, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for, you had a panic attack because you are meeting MY parents, if anything I should be the one apologizing to YOU.” This caused Joe to now grasp (Y/N)’s hands, and stare her deep in the eyes. “No, (Y/N) don’t. This is me. This is all me. I, I just love you so fucking much, and I was just thinking out of my ass, and got scared, and then I scared you, and the last thing I want to ever do is scare or hurt you.” Joe’s voice was shockingly calm as he relayed this to you. “What were you thinking of Joe? What could’ve possibly made you so scared that you had a panic attack. It’s just my family, I’ve already told you that you have nothing to worry about. They’re going to love you because I love you.” (Y/N) was now desperate, wanting nothing more that to make Joe feel better. Joe sighed, running his hands over his face, and then through his hair. “That’s the thing (Y/N) its not “just” your family, you love your family more than anything on this planet. I hear how you talk about them, the way your mom raised you to be independent, the way your dad was the one you always turned to when you needed advice, the way your brother would absolutely decimate any boy who ever hurt you, you love every single person in your family so much, and I just don’t see how I could ever measure up to that.” (Y/N) opened her mouth to reply, but Joe continued on. “I’m 35, I’m an actor, I’m too short, I’m not attractive enough, I don’t have any special qualities, I don’t deserve someone as amazing as you, and your family is going to see that, and they’re going to tell you, and then you’re going to leave me, and I don’t know what I would do. I love you, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone on this planet. I have no idea how I have managed to live this long without you in my life, but I know for certain that I couldn’t go back to living my life normally if you ever left me, especially if it was because I just wasn’t good enough for you.” By the time Joe finished, (Y/N) had tears running down her face, her heart breaking as the man whom she loved more than life itself spilled his deepest thoughts to her. She had no idea Joe felt this way, she knew that he was nervous about meeting her family because he didn’t think they would like him, but she had no idea that the underlying meaning behind this was the fear that she would leave him. She couldn’t imagine her life without him, she had told him countless times that the only way anyone would ever manage to pry her away from Joe was if she died, to which Joe had replied with “Then they’ll just have to throw me on the fire with you, we’ll go out Dany and Drogo style babe.” Now, that same insanely confident, loving, incredible man, was stood in front of her, broken. (Y/N) quickly wiped her tears away, this wasn’t about her, and she didn’t want Joe to feel guilty over her tears. “Joseph. You listen, and you listen good. I will NEVER leave you, you understand me?” Joe was still looking at the ground, in the same position that he’d been in when he began his speech, but he lifted his head at (Y/N)’s words, hazel eyes meeting her own, before giving her a small nod. “I fucking love you Joe, I love you more than anything on this planet, and that includes my family.” Joe let out a small gasp at this, (Y/N)’s family was the most important thing to her, it was the whole reason he was so scared. Yet, here she was revealing that HE was the one thing on this floating rock that she loved the most. “Don’t you see that Joe? I love you, and I would do absolutely anything to make you feel happy, safe and loved. You are the most important thing to me, and if my family doesn’t like you, then that’s tough titties. They can learn to get used to not seeing me at family gatherings, because anyone who doesn’t love you, doesn’t love me. You are the smartest, most loving, caring, kind, incredible, fucking gorgeous, talented man I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, and somehow you’ve chosen to gift me with a little portion of your life.” (Y/N) had ahold of Joe’s face again, her hands delicately placed on his face, keeping his eyes locked onto her own in order to make him realize that every word she said was true. It must have worked, because the corner of Joe’s mouth began to lift, and he placed his hand on one of (Y/N)’s before lifting it slightly in order to place a kiss to her palm. This small action was one of her favorite forms of affection, and it elicited a small smile of her own. Soon enough, Joe had wrapped his arms around (Y/N) as tightly as he could, reveling in their closeness despite the sticky heat. “Hey, y’all okay?” came a call from the front of the Texaco, jerking the two from their embrace. There was an older man, probably 60, stood poking his head out the front door, looking intently at the two of them. Joe burst into a fit of laughter, his eyes crinkling at the corners, her favorite smile of his, throwing his head back as (Y/N) joined him. “Yes sir! Boyfriend is just nervous about meeting my family!” (Y/N) yelled back at the man. The store clerk nodded his head and held his index finger up, signaling the two of them to wait before he headed back into the store. (Y/N) and Joe stared at one another with equally confused looks on their faces before more laughs erupted from their mouths. “Are you sure you’re okay now Joe? We can always turn back around and tell my family that I came down with something.” Joe smiled over at (Y/N) before leaning against the car, immediately regretting it as he felt the sharp sting of hot metal against his skin. (Y/N) let out a snort as her boyfriend hopped around like rabbit in an attempt to get the burning to stop, earning her a pointed look from Joe, which only made the two laugh again. “I’m sure babe, sometimes you just have to have a mental breakdown to see the light.” (Y/N) crossed her arms and gave Joe a look that said ‘you’re deflecting’. “I promise (Y/N), after all, I might as well go ahead and meet these wonderful southerners before the wedding.” (Y/N) raised an eyebrow at Joe, “The wedding huh?” Joe simply smiled and slung his arm around her shoulders “Well duh, anybody who has seen my dick, met my parents, AND seen me have a panic attack has to be in for the long haul.” Joe’s spin on one of (Y/N)’s favorite John Mulaney jokes made her smile and thump his arm, which caused Joe to over dramatically flinch. He opened his mouth to make a smart retort towards (Y/N), but was interrupted at the sound of glass clanking against itself, making him turn around to see the store clerk from earlier waltzing towards the, now very sweaty, lovebirds. “Here ya go kids, meeting the parents is the worst part, but if you show up with something to wet their whistles, ya certainly won’t be too far on their bad sides.” the older man handed a bag full of various alcoholic beverages into Joe’s hands as (Y/N) attempted to offer payment, to which the man replied, “Absolutely not ma’am, the two of you remind me of my wife and I. I remember just how nervous I was when I met her folks, and how much I had wished I would’ve had some liquid courage. Y’all be careful.” And with that, the older man walked back through the front of the store. (Y/N) only shook her head, muttering something about “sweet home alabama”, as Joe situated himself back in the front seat of the car. As he waited, he pulled up (Y/N)’s ABBA playlist and selected her favorite song, just in time for the love of his life to open the door and plop down beside him. The opening “Ahahas” of Angel Eyes blasted through the speakers, causing (Y/N) to jump. “JOSEPH!” Joe simply laughed, taking her right hand into his, before bringing it up to his lips. “I thought you wanted to duet.” (Y/N) merely rolled her eyes, looking into the love filled ones of her boyfriend. Honestly the two of them were sickening. “Put on your seatbelt Mazzello, state troopers have quotas to meet, and I’m not a fan of getting tickets for unsafe driving.” Joe simply laughed in response, clicking his seatbelt in front of him as (Y/N) peeled out of the Texaco and towards her family’s house. 10 minutes, and 2 intense ABBA jam sessions later, (Y/N) pulled into a long gravel driveway, covered in cars. Joe felt his stomach start to sink again, but upon feeling (Y/N)’s hand in his, he smiled. “Ready my dude?” (Y/N) grinned over at him as she squeezed his hand in reassurance. “Ready Freddie.”

A/N: *insert gif of Joe saying “I don’t know how to end it” here.

[reikunrei]

50 Questions You’ve Never Been Asked

I was tagged by @mbejus thanks!! :3c havent done one of these in a million years

1. What is the color of your hairbrush?: i do not have one! my comb is black tho

2. Name a food you never eat?: applesauce, can’t stand the texture lol

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold?: i tend to be both but more often run too warm. i run warm but i get cold real easy

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?: playing breath of the wild!!

5. What is your favorite candy bar?: crunch bars i think :3

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports event?: i think so? maybe?

7. What is the last thing you said out loud?: “love you too” to my grandma on the phone

8. What is your favorite ice cream?: chocolate peanut butter!!

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?: good ol’ water

10. Do you like your wallet?: not really LOL it’s really feminine looking and falling apart but at least it holds all my random receipts that i forget to throw away

11. What was the last thing you ate?: some pumpkin bread i baked the other day!

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?: nope

13. The last sporting event you watched?: probably a baseball game w andy?? cant remember who specifically was playing tho

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?: caramel!

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to?: also my grandma LOL

16. Ever go camping?: yeah a lot! haven’t in a lil bit tho

17. Do you take vitamins?: nope

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?: absolutely not lmao never stepped inside a church i dont think

19. Do you have a tan?: no i am Very White

20. Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?: chinese food!!

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?: not usually

22. What color socks do you usually wear?: always patterned always different colors

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit?: i mean yeah a little! just the usual like 7 mph above or whatever and sometimes have gone a little above 10 mph over if im going downhill and dont notice it right away

24. What terrifies you?: the future lol. but also spiders inside my bedroom

25. Look to your left, what do you see?: my school stuff i brought home w me sitting on the floor bc i dont have room for it anywhere else lol

26. What chore do you hate?: vacuuming (too noisyyy)

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?: i think probs steve irwin?? or just animal people in general

28. What’s your favorite soda?: i dont really drink soda, but i do like the san pellegrino grapefruit flavored soda!

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thrus?: usually just the drive thru, but it depends on the situation!

30. Who’s the last person you talked to?: my mom

31. Favorite cut of beef?: i have no idea LOL been making a good mongolian beef recipe w flank steak lately and i like that texture sooo maybe flank?

32. Last song you listened to?: The Greatest Show from the greatest showman hdjshdf

33. Last book you read?: currently in the middle of lotr the two towers but havent picked it up in a while

34. Favorite day of the week?: rn it’s mondays bc that means my mom is working and won’t bug me very much

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards?: i dont think so

36. How do you like your coffee?: replace it with hot chocolate and ur good

37. Favorite pair of shoes?: my full black hightop converse

38. The time you normally go to sleep?: lately it’s been anywhere from 11:30 PM-12:30 AM

39. The time you normally get up?: anywhere from 8:30-9:30 AM

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets?: depends, but i think visually i like sunsets more

41. How many blankets on your bed?: 2 (my duvet and my weighted blanket)

42. Describe your kitchen plates: all white and very flat

43. Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage?: i dont drink alcohol lol

44. Do you play cards?: sometimes!

45. What color is your car?: silver

46. Can you change a tire?: i never have before but i feel like i could figure it out!

47. Your favorite province?: we dont have provinces in the us and ive never been anywhere that has a province LOL but i will say i learned i like arizona state landscapes more than anything else so that’s my answer

48. Favorite job you’ve ever had?: the wood and metal shop at school!!! sad i didnt get to say a proper goodbye to them all :(

49. How did you get your biggest scar?: i have a very faded scar on my outer right thigh (can really only see it after i’ve taken a hot shower and stretch the skin a certain way). i got it in high school when we were running the mile, and i jumped around a group of people who were blocking the thin walkway and scraped my leg along what was probably an old piece of chain link fence. it was maybe 8-10 inches long up my thigh, and it bled pretty good. had to wear bandaids and a leg wrap under my pants for about a week until it healed enough

50. What did you do today that made someone else happy?: uuuuuh wished my mom a happy mother’s day

I tag: whoever wants to do it !!!

[arcisfoodblog]

The next stop of our road trip through British Columbia was up into the mountains: Whistler.

The drive from and to Vancouver is absolutely stunning. The Sea to Sky Highway is aptly named as the first part to Squamish is right along the coast of the Howe Sound with panoramic views of the various islands with rugged mountain ranges as a backdrop and then steadily climbing through the mountains, provincial parks, along meandering rivers and vast lakes. There are not too many viewpoints on the northbound part, so I also included some pictures of stops near Cheakamus and Lions Bay that we took when heading back.

With the car full of all of our luggage, we didn’t feel all that comfortable to go hiking near Shannon Falls or to take the Sea to Sky Gondola and taking in the 360-degree vistas at 885m / 2900ft over the Stawamus Chief Provincial Park. The Sea To Sky Gondola was sabotaged just a couple of weeks later as its cables were cut in the middle of the night, causing the gondolas to crash to the ground. It is expected to reopen in Spring 2020.

Therefore, we initially decided to a quick stop in Squamish and have a stroll over the Farmers Market. As the market was super crowded that day, it almost was impossible to get a nearby parking spot. Therefore we opted to have a late lunch at Howe Sound Brewing (37801 Cleveland Ave).

I had the Brewpub burger which besides the regular toppings had caramelized onions and smoked cheddar on it, and the kids had the Garibaldi Burger with bacon and Swiss cheese. Chantal had the massive tuna poke bowl filled with quinoa, greens, carrots, cucumber, macadamia nuts & chips. Of course, we also took some samples of their beers. The Sky Pilot Northwest Pale Ale and the Hazy Daze Northeast IPA were our favorites but were also blown away by the intense flavors of their fruit-infused beers, like their You’re My Boy Blue Blueberry Wheat Ale and Super Jupiter Mango ISA. A characteristic we found out that many BC brewers have mastered.

To us, Whistler and neighboring Blackcomb are renowned ski resorts, but we were not entirely sure what to expect during summer. It proved to be as vibrant as it must be in winter, but skiers and snowboarders in the gondolas having been replaced by mountain bikers and hikers.

That evening, after walking through the village center, we had dinner at Il Caminetto (4242 Village Stroll). It is an upscale Italian restaurant headed by James Walt, one of Canada’s leading chefs and a “farm-to-table” pioneer who was inducted into the British Columbia Restaurant Hall of Fame in 2011. The Toptable group, of which Il Caminetto is part, has 5 restaurants and patisseries in Vancouver and is well represented in Whistler as well, with Walt also overseeing the kitchens of Araxi, The Cellar by Araxi, and Bar Oso.

Having been the Executive Chef to the Canadian Embassy in Rome, it should not come as a surprise that the pasta and the risotto we had were absolutely stellar, as were their signature cocktails. Clockwise:

Barrel-aged Red Hook  (Rittenhouse straight Rye, Punt e Mes, Maraschino liqueur, aged for 1 month in oak)

Il Caminetto G&T (their house-produced gin with Fevertree Tonic, seasonal botanicals, and garnishes)

Local beet Tortolloni, Taleggio & Goat Cheese filled roasted beets and toasted walnuts

Wild mushroom Risotto, Acquerello rice with white wine, Parmigiano Reggiano and truffle essence

Fusili al Pomodoro, fresh Tomatoes, olive oil, and basil

Some sweet nibbles that came with the bill.

The next day we did some more exploring of the village after having brunch at Crêpe Montagne (4368 Main St #116). This is an ideal breakfast and brunch place (although open through dinner) with proper savory and sweet French buckwheat style crêpes. Salads and more standard breakfast options like bennies, omelets, french toast, and American pancakes are available. We had the Montagne (2 eggs, Canadian Bacon, Cheese) and the Nordique (1 egg, cheese, tomatoes and a side of spinach) and kids went for the sweet Strawberry and Nutella crêpes. Freshly pressed apple juice with ginger: the best way to kickstart your day.

Late afternoon workout at Forged Axe Throwing (1208 Alpha Lake Rd Unit 1). After receiving our instructions, we started throwing ourselves. First with both hands, then with one hand, some competitions (the kids beat “Team Old” big time…), finishing with trick shots with the hand axe and having a final go with a much larger lumber axe. It took some time to get the hang of it, but it was an entertaining 1-hour family event. You will remember it for the next couple of days as you are using some different muscles than you usually do. Afterward, we had some Mexican-style snacks and refreshing beers at Whistler Brewing Company (1045 Millar Creek Rd) pretty much across the road from Forged.

The reason for the late afternoon snacking was that we had booked a 2½ hour bear tour with Whistler Photo Safari and would be picked up from our hotel at 5.30pm. In the winter the Whistler Olympic Park offers over 180km of cross country skiing tracks, but in the summer about 80 black bears count the park as part of their territory.  We had booked the evening session (sunrise and 2 daytime tours are also available) as a private tour in a Jeep 4×4. With regular price CAD 149 per person (CAD 99 for 12 and under), the CAD 596 for the private tour was only slightly more expensive for us. However, as they are the only company that has Whistler Olympic park after hours and off-season access, it was well worth it as we had the Jeep to ourselves and 2 other WPS vehicles in the Park. 

After the first stop at nearby Alexander Falls, we entered the park and started to search for bears but first spotted a deer. Kyle Smith proved to be an excellent guide that evening. As a lead guide with the Commercial Bear Viewing Association, he is basically following the bears throughout British Columbia, Yukon, and Alaska with the seasons. Kyle is also a professional photographer specializing in wildlife photography and action sports (check his site and Instagram here). We apologized for that fact that we only had our iPhones with us as camera 😉

In his bio on the WPS site, it is mentioned that Kyle is a very passionate naturalist and forager who loves to share his knowledge on wild edibles. This proved to be spot on as we got amazing insights regarding bears as well as the (alarming) impact of climate change on the whole ecosystem in this area and besides the bears, we also did some wild mushroom spotting.

In recent years, salmons have not been coming so far upstream to spawn (smaller population, drought) so these “Olympic” black bears have turned about 95% vegetarian, which also shows that they are relatively small. In the evenings, the bears start foraging for their meals and we mainly found them grazing clover fields around the Olympic venues, like the biathlon shooting range and at the landing area of the ski jump. Pretty surreal. 

We also spotted a mother bear and her cub scurrying over a pile of mulch, descending from the tree line and then crossing the road just in front of us. I would never have thought to be able to observe 6 different bears in the wild from such a short distance. The “Nice!” comment at the end of the clip was therefore rather understated!

Our last full day in Whistler was spent outdoors with the Peak 2 Peak 360 degree Experience.

First up we took the Whistler Village Gondola up to the Roundhouse Lodge followed by a 10-minute walk down the mountain (in the winter likely less than a minute on skis). There the Peak Express Chairlift brought us to the Top of the World, being the Whistler Mountain Peak at 2182m / 7160ft. After crossing the exhilarating Cloudraker Skybridge, a 130-meter suspension bridge that spans from Whistler Peak to the West Ridge over Whistler Bowl where you will find the Raven’s Eye Cliff Walk, a cantilever platform with 360-degree views from Whistler Peak.

After taking in the amazing views, you can take the chair lift back down after which you will inevitably have to walk back up to the Roundhouse Lodge. Doable, but with the thin air a bit more strenuous than we expected.

Therefore, we took the time to catch our breath on the Peak 2 Peak gondola that connects with Blackcomb Mountain’s Rendezvous Lodge. It was the first lift to join the two side-by-side mountains and held the world record for the longest free span between ropeway towers with a whopping 3 kilometers / 1.9 miles. A glass-bottomed gondola to experience on the fact that you are dangling up to 436m / 1430ft above the valley for 11 minutes? No thanks, that’s not for us!

After going back down to Upper Village, we had lunch and some beers at Merlins Bar & Grill, which is located at the gondola (4553 Blackcomb Way). As we missed out on them when we were in Vancouver, we chose the Stanley Park Brewing‘s Daytrip West Coast Lager and Windstorm Pale Ale and they did not disappoint.

Besides Caesar’s salad, we ordered Merlin’s Burgers (Aged white cheddar, crispy cured bacon & jalapeño aioli sauce) and the Vladimir Poutine with a pork barbacoa topping couldn’t even be finished despite joint efforts. 

We walked off the late lunch with a visit to the very impressive Squamish Lil’wat Cultural Centre (4584 Blackcomb Way) that was built in Whistler as it historically was considered a joint city of the Squamish (Sk̲wx̲wú7mesh Úxumixw) and Lil’wat (L̓il̓wat7úl) First Nations. The center gives tremendous insights into their respective art, history, and culture. The building has great acoustics too as you will experience during the traditional welcoming song that comes with the guided tours.

Both nations have separate languages, but they share many common words as a result of the extensive trading between the Nations throughout the centuries. Both cultures were grounded in an oral tradition and the Squamish and Lil’wat created written languages in the 1970s to help prevent their languages from becoming extinct. As you may have seen, both languages share a “7” in their language. It acts as a glottal stop and therefore are indicators to pause in pronouncing the word.

  We concluded our stay in Whistler with Vallea Lumina, an immersive multimedia night forest walk, a 10-minute drive from Whistler with the complementary (and mandatory) shuttle busses.

The Lumina concept is a showcase creation of Moment Factory, an award-winning Canadian multimedia studio that does public space multimedia installations and light shows, marketing events and content, but also live stage design for artists such as Ed Sheeran, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Arcade Fire, Nine Inch Nails, and Madonna. I have seen a couple of their creations at different Muse concerts, so I know this would be pretty awesome. Here is a link to their demo reel, to get a sense of what they are capable of (that light show in the Cathedral is jawdropping!)

There are now 10 different themes Lumina Sites in the world, of which 6 in Canada, 3 in Japan and 1 in Singapore. The Vallea Lumina storyline is that in the shadow of Whistler mountains, legends say there’s a hidden valley where stardust falls from the sky, filling all living things with its pure light. You, as a deputy ranger, are tasked to search 2 missing hikers and get sucked into the wondrous adventure through the enchanted forest which takes you over 1.5 km / 1 mile of well-kept trails and stairs.

There are 15-minute time-slots when booking, but that is mainly meant to space out the different groups. As the various segments are on a loop, you can just take your time and fully immerse yourself in the experience. It took us just over an hour to finish and it is truly unforgettable, for kids and adults alike!

Around the World – British Columbia road trip​ (2019) – Whistler The next stop of our road trip through British Columbia was up into the mountains: Whistler.

[kylequat]

monkey, 10/16/17 - 1/11/19

this was my cat, monkey. i adopted him from a friend who found him as a kitten and raised him, but then had to move to an apartment which didn’t allow pets. he went from an indoor cat in an apartment to an indoor cat in a pretty big house, which he would run laps around. he tried to go outside desperately all the time, but we couldn’t let him out bc he hadn’t been neutered yet. on halloween night, he broke out around 8 pm, and made it all the way to my friend’s house - a mile and a half away. he returned safely at 3 am. we got him neutered and microchipped, and i got him an adorable collar with a bow tie and name tag. we let him run around outside, since he’d made it to my friends house and back safely. we absolutely loved each other. my mom said he would meow for me all day when i was at school. he would flip onto his back when he saw me so i could pet his belly - something he apparently only did for me. he was a big boy and i could bury my face in his soft big belly - mutually beneficial. he got pet with a human face and i got to stick my face in a cats belly. he chilled with me all the time in my room, he had food, water and a litter box all there.

yesterday, i was petting him, and he went outside. i didn’t see him for a little while, but i wasn’t worried bc he did that a lot and was always fine.

then i got a text from the microchip company. someone had found him, and he was now at a nearby animal hospital. he didn’t need medical attention.

i thought it was a glitch at first. i had just seen him.

i looked at the location of the animal hospital and called them.

they said someone saw him get hit by a car at camden & charmeran, a busy intersection very close to my house. they took him to the animal hospital, but he was already dead once he got there.

it had been raining for a few days, which we were all thankful for, being in a part of california which didn’t get much rain.

this also made it harder to see on the roads, and slightly slippery.

people drive very fast on camden, especially around that turn.

i’m thankful someone saw it happen and took him quickly. he wasn’t wet, and when i got to see him, i had trouble believing he was dead. he looked fine. i pet him and rubbed his belly, and it felt like he was just asleep. he wasn’t even very cold.

i put him in a circular wood box lined with the LoZ blanket he liked to sleep on. my mother and i lit sage and thanked the powers of the four cardinal directions, and their correspondences. i buried him in my backyard near the corner of our fence, which he liked to sit on and keep “lookout” for us. i put the still-lit sage on top of his box, with two large pieces of petrified wood. i began burying it after the last embers died.

this morning, i sprinkled some weed on his grave (he liked the smell of it, i swear) and drank some coffee, and remembered the mornings where he made it difficult to get out of bed. he was a very persuasive cuddler. i smoked most of a joint, but let it go out before it was finished. i placed a buddha statue and more petrified wood over his grave to protect him, and buried the roach for him.

i loved this cat with all my heart and soul. he was the second soulmate i met in october. the other almost left me by the end of that month, but i got several months with this cat. he was the only thing that could comfort me after the loss of the first. they reminded me of each other heavily. people told me “hey, you didn’t get the guy, but you got a cat! that’s way better!” i didn’t believe that entirely at first, i was still distraught by the first loss. but this second loss honestly hit me harder. this cat loved me unconditionally and always wanted to be with me. he loved me like i loved the other. and i loved monkey, he was my son, my sweet big baby. i would hold him and put his head on my shoulder, swaying lightly while leaning back so his body weight was mostly on my chest. i would sing to him, and he would listen to he music i played. he always wanted to see what i was doing. he sat on my jacket as i embroidered it, almost drank paint water, and tried to grab my pencil with his hands. (this cat did not have front and back legs, he had arms and legs. very dexterous.) he would purposely walk into my weed clouds to get stoned. i did not force it on him. we would cuddle for hours, stoned and happy, with him purring loudly the whole time. sometimes, he would start purring just from me looking at him. he loved me so much. he was my child. i wanted to be with him forever. he was so young. he was only about two years old. my two dogs from childhood are now both 13 and 9, and my mom’s bf’s dog is 15. they’re all more bonded with my mother and her bf since she is home almost all day and they like to sleep on their bed much more than mine. i put them on my bed and they lie down for 15 minutes, then go back to my moms room. this was perfect for monkey, who now got me all to himself. i felt less lonely since the dogs had been like that before i got monkey. i always had a soft warm big kitty pressed against me, purring so loud he would blow air through his lips. he had the best smile. he looked so happy. i feel terrible that he died so soon after i got him. but i also know that all the time i had with him was full of perfect love, and he seemed like a cat in heaven. there was nothing i could’ve done to prevent it, so i try not to feel guilty, except for one thing: he left around 5-6 pm, and before that he had been meowing at me to feed him. he was already developing a gut because when i first got him, i just fed him whenever he was hungry. then i read the directions on the bag, which said to give him about 1/4 of that. i was giving him twice as much as recommended already, feeding him in the morning, usually around 7 am before i went to school, and 7 pm. he left just before 7 pm.

if i had fed him, he wouldn’t have left. he would’ve stayed and chunched and munched and cuddled me.

but he was an adventurous spirit, always very curious. yesterday, he just decided to try to explore a new area of the neighborhood.

there’s a stoplight about 2 blocks down the street from where this happened, which is dumb because there is a park which would be a much better spot for a crosswalk. but there isn’t even a crosswalk. to a park. it’s just a 4 lane 30 MPH road. next to a park.

if there was a crosswalk, people wouldn’t drive so fast right there. my mother has several stories of people and animals dying in that spot.

i miss my baby. my room feels empty.

[kgstyr]

So if y’all for some reason want to hear about my Hurricane Florence story, then you’ve come to the right place. I raveled with my mother and eldest sister on our evacuation journey, while my sister and her husband and kid stayed home.

I’ll put it under a read more if you don’t want to read all of it, but just know it was a wild ride. And plz do me a forgive bc my memory is kinda shitty and selective so im prob missing great moments.

We left on the September 13th a little after 10 in the morning, but before we had even left, the outer bands of Florence were bearing down on us and we had already lost power.

We rode through the town of Swansboro, were the water was already high enough to lap the bottom of the tiny bridge into the town (even tho its low to begin with) even tho it wasn’t going to make landfall til the next morning.

/Now for all of you who don’t know about hurricanes, they usually only last 24-36 hours. It lasted for over 4 days. When hurricanes linger like that, it only makes it worse, even though Florence was only a category 1, it felt more powerful./

We kept driving, past Jacksonville, but until we got past there, I can’t tell you how many times the radio went off for Tornado Warnings (at least 4) up and down the coast of NC within an hour or so. I’ve been through a number of Hurricanes and Tropical Storms, but hearing all those warnings were a bit unnerving. Flood warnings started popping up as well, and as hard as it started raining I believed it happened that fast.

We drove up there pretty much without incident (we are direction illiterate, so almost without incident) up to the city of Pinehurst/Southern Pines, and stayed up in a hotel there for about 3 days. The first day was p good, we chilled up there- the drivers were aggressive as FUCK like run you off the road- it was real pretty with tall Carolina Pines and worldstar golf courses, just like country club on steroids.

The bed was kinda uncomfy and the window leaked a lil bit, but otherwise the first night was a good rest after a long day of driving.

But the next morning (or two, days get away from me), we went to the lobby to rent the room for another night, only for them to tell us that they had booked our room that day, so we had to leave. We were mad as hell, but we couldn't fight it given as we were in unknown territory, so we packed up our stuff and got ready to leave- only to tell us that they had gotten mixed up and that we could stay another night.

Needless to say, we were not happy about having to unpack, then repack, then unpack again.

When they said Florence was slow moving, y’all don’t understand how slow. usually, when hurricanes hit land, they may slow down for a bit, but they speed up and are usually carried out by the jet streams or approaching fronts within a day. It moved slower than 6 mph: ppl can walk faster than that.

The second day, it started raining where we were, and at first it was sporadic outer bands, but soon it become constant with fluctuating torrential downpours. By the end of the second day, the rains and wind had picked up enough to knock out the power to out hotel for an hour or so.

And the same thing happened with the hotel the next morning: they said they had booked our room, but then apologized and said that we can stay. This time at least we didn’t pack up before that.

Now, we went up to the Sandhills to get away from the flooding on the coast, but it came to us. The rain was pouring, and not letting up, and we went under a flash flood emergency nearly continuously from the second day onward, and evacuations across the county were in effect. After the third or fourth day, we decided to leave the area bc all of the water that was rising and evacuations.

After we had left the hotel area, we passed the town of Aberdeen, and we ended up pulling over at a gas station to look at the map (remember: direction illiterate family here) and that’s when I told my mother the famous line

“We should go back to Aberdeen, Mama.” Saying that we knew our way back home

But she decided not to, saying that we couldn’t go back because of the weather. We tried to travel south a lil bit to skirt around an area that was flooded, but we ended up getting pushed down way father south than we anticipated due to impassable areas and flooding, and we ended up on the outskirts of Rockingham. After riding around for hours, trying to find a way out, we ended up at a shelter for the night at the local high school because conditions had deteriorated to an unsafe level, and we were directed by some very nice highway patrolmen to where the shelter is.

None of us had even stayed in a shelter before, so it was a new experience for all of us. The people running the place were nice, but damn some of the ppl were annoying.

I now hate cots, and my Mama and sister hate them too. I really couldn’t sleep on it b/c of the steel rods in my back (scoliosis) and Mama has bad arthritis, so it wasn’t a pleasant night.

It got worse when Rockingham and the county started experiencing massive flash flooding in the middle of the night, and we were up half the night listening to the weather and keeping an eye out just in case we need to evacuate from the shelter. It became a lil more nerve-wracking when evacuees from other counties (like Horry, SC) were transported to our shelter. It was semi- peaceful at the shelter til like 10 other people were brought in.

I had said this several times by this point, but while we were trying to rest on horrid cots, I told Mama: “We’ve should’ve gone back to Aberdeen.”

Long night short, we were semi- kicked out in the morning, and we packed up our stuff and loaded up the car again, having made a soft plan the night before to head to the next town of Hamlet.

We were so tired and fed up and ready to go the hell home that when the car didn’t start, we all started hardcore panicking, and me and my mama, at least, are not panicky people. At first, we thought the car had gotten flooded from all the rain, but after a quick look around we concluded that that was not it, unless someone had just poured a bucket of water on our engine.

After several minutes of pulling each other’s hair out, we found out that the car just needed some oil. Either the long ride up the Sandhills had burned it all and we had rolled it in on fumes last night, or my sister didn’t exactly tell the truth when she said the car was fully oiled up.

Probably both, but that’s not the point (she is a special gurl no hate plz she tries her best).

After that, we stopped at the nearest Burger King in Hamlet and we tried to plot a course home, this time, trying to shoot straight up towards Asheboro and then going around Raleigh and coming home, because by this point other ppl from my hometown that had evacuated to Raleigh had come home from that route.

We left about 11:30-ish. We got as close to Asheboro as the city of Candor (google map it im bad at distance) and then got stuck on this loop for hours between Rockingham and Asheboro.

Literally at least 6 hours. A good chunk of that was trying to get to a town called Candor. We never found it nor made it.

At this point we were all at our wits end, screaming and yelling at each other (out of love ofc) because we are all so bad at directions that we can’t follow a straight line-

We stopped for dinner at somewhere, I can’t remember where, I think at Rockingham again, and then-

“We should go back to Aberdeen.” I say, and Mama laughs and asks why in hell we should go back. I told her that we had stayed in that area for multiple days and that I knew where the hotels in that area (Aberdeen, Pinehurst, Southern Pines, etc.) were-

It was nearly 6, and we were tired and exhausted and running low on money, so Mama agreed, because she didn’t want to spend another night in a shelter.

And, like I said, we couldn’t turn onto a straight line, so we got lost trying to find a hotel, but by a stroke of a lucky piece of my memory, I remembered where a Holiday Inn Express was in the city of Southern Pines, and we managed to find out way there in a darker-than-expected city. 

It was about 8:30 at night, and we were ready to just fucking perish when me and my sister went into the lobby, and asked the front manager if a room was available.

She said no, because a large part of the city had lost power itself and everybody in the town had crowded into the hotels. I felt my stomach drop just a tiny amount because we had been through direction illiterate hell to get there, just to not have a room for the night.

We asked her if there was any other hotel with a vacancy, and she checked and told us the nearest vacancy was in Durham, well over a hundred miles away. My sister, ever the conversationalist, ended up asking her if there was any way we could just crash in the lobby tonight. She said sure. So, we went out to tell Mama that we could stay in the lobby, and we got what we needed for the night to rest in the lobby.

We fully expected to be in the lobby all night, but then the desk lad left for a bit and told us that even though she wasn’t a housekeeper, she could clean a recently vacated room for us that night. We even got it for cheaper since we couldn’t afford the full price.

Lemme tell you, that was the quickest I’ve ever fallen asleep on a bed, and it was a gucci pillowtop bed too like 4 feet into the air, much better than the first hotel. Breakfast was a bit sparse, but that was understandable since power was limited throughout the city. We thanked her repeatedly for what she did; she had no obligation to actually get us a room, but she pulled a rabbit out of her Miracle Hat and gave us a good 8 hour night of deep sleep.

“See?” I said. “We should’ve gone back to Aberdeen.” My new favorite meme. Even though it was the next town over, it still counts as Aberdeen, right?

Over breakfast and leading up to our checkout time, we plotted our way home, and we headed out and started driving home at noon. And since we can’t follow our own directions, it was a tense few 10 miles or so before we got out onto open highway.

It took us a while, because our car is an older car and can’t get up the Sandhills that well, but we started seeing flatter land, and it was a blessed sight.

Mama saw a sign for the city of Benson, and she turned off the exit to go towards that city because she knew her way home from there.

Except like 300 feet from where she turned, the right front tire blew out. WE were nearly halfway home, and our fucking tire blows out. At the very least, I am thankful that it blew out 300 feet onto the exit and not 300 feet back, because if it had blown out on the Interstate we would’ve more than likely have crashed and killed bc no modern safety features on this old piece of beautiful junk.

We managed to roll it into a gas station on the left on the rim, the tire pushed inward and leaving the metal exposed, and that’s when we all had a coming to Jesus moment because back in Rockingham? Filling up the oil was a simple fix. Tire blowing out? We couldn’t do that on our own.

My sister went into the gas station to ask the clerk to call a nearby mechanic, while me and mama refilled our snacks then sat outside on a patio while we waited. Not 15 minutes later, an old, hunchbacked man came into an old, black truck that looked like it needed some repairs itself to check our tires.

Thank goodness that it was only hat one tire than had blowed out, having somehow been slashed all the way around. My sister, the socialite, told him about our harrowing journey up til that point, and I’m sure he could see the complimentary American Red Cross blankets strewn across the backseat along with everything else.

He only charged $40 for a used tire, a bad lugnut, and labor, which was amazingly cheap. He would only take $40, and he did a pretty damn good job because the ride was much smoother after that, and he even pointed out that the tires were misaligned. We got back on the highway, and started driving again.

The hills had started to flatten out when we got into Wayne county, and the trip was winding and calming down from all of our experiences earlier, but then we started to see signs of actual damage from Florence, not just rain and flooded roads.

It started out as just some snapped tree limbs, then smaller trees, then shingles and metal ripped off roofs and large trees snapped in half- and the smell- if you’ve ever smelt like, water mold or water that wasn’t were it was supposed to be (out of its basin), it was rancid and ripe, and not even rolling up the windows could keep it out of the air. I’ll never forget the smells.

The road was brown along lower areas, signs of recent standing water, and it was really visible as we went by Goldsboro. We didn’t go into the city because we had heard about the flooding, but we could literally smell the destruction.

It continued all the way thru Kinston, the smell of water mold and downed trees and damaged structures- we had to stop in New Bern to get some groceries because there were no more stores open after that stop to our city, and we went into a Food Lion in New Bern. There wasn’t much in there, but we got a few Pepsis and things, along with a tiny styrofoam cooler.

There prices were a little high, so we didn’t buy as much as we had planned on- plus their store was getting rather bare.

Someone stole a bottle of alcohol while we were in there, and that made us get the heck out of dodge super fast. Around that time, we had been passed by a fleet of 21 police cars/ SUVS heading towards New Bern and past it, lights on but no sirens.

We saw a few scattered in New Bern, Havelock, Newport- to stop the rioting and looting from earlier from happening again. When the news says people are looting these cities, they really are. New Bern had a lot of side roads closed, the road was a bit raggedy, and you could see what the constant winds did to the siding and roofs of structures.

Also I think one of those cops caught a guy we saw deliberately run a red light. Justice does work, people.

New Bern was bad, Havelock was worse. Nearly all of their side roads were closed, and over half of their street lights were off, which was not good for driving at like 10 at night. We saw cops lining a side street, and we just assumed that they were doing criminal shenanigans down there.

Plus I forgot to mention, frogs were everywhere. It was too dark to see them, but you could hear them for several counties in standing water. They were having frog orgies, I guess.

We knew the Newport River in Newport had flooded, so when the smell of river flooding was ripe, we knew where we were at. A lot more trees were down, and the road was dirty and brown with tree branches brushed to the middle lane or the side of the road, from what we could see in the dark.

My city  looked like someone took a fucking AOE chainsaw and went down the street and cut all the trees but with bad aim. The closer to the waterfront, the more it was obvious that there was damage, as quite a number of houses had gaping homes in their roofs.

The sister that stayed told us that the day after the storm, it looked like a bomb went off in the city, and even though they had gotten the worse of it off the roads and stuff by the time we got back, I believe that. The structures along the waterfront were flooded with the storm surge, and the cites across the Sound bore the brunt of it.

The power came back on for us just a few hours before we arrived home after 5 days of being gone, so it seems like we have perfect timing for that. Before the power started coming back on, it was like the county was a third world country Africa-style (still kinda is!) with the roads flooded making them cutoff from the outside world.

When people say they need donations, they need them. I’ve never had to go into a church to get a hot meal, but now I have. I’ve never slept in a shelter to get away from a natural disaster, but now I have. I’ve never gone to a store to scrounge around for food to restock our nearly empty shelves with, but now I have.

We didn’t get it nearly as bad as Wilmington, or Fayetteville, or Lumberton, but in the grand scheme, all the cities were affected in some way. 

Speaking of Lumberton, at the first hotel we met a very nice and polite black woman from the city of Lumberton, who said she lost everything in Matthew and was praying she didn’t lose everything this time. If she lost it all in Matthew, hen she probably lost everything including the kitchen sink this time as well. I hope there’s something left for her.

Also my Laptop broke (stupid Microsoft updates) at the first hotel on teh first night.

My apartment building sustained some damage (I wouldn’t call it major, but definitely some repairs are needed). It’s 2-story, and I’ve spent an hour today picking up some shingles and paint chips that had flown off the roof and onto the front side. Nobody else was gonna do it, and I didn’t want little kids to step on one with a nail in it and hurt themselves, and plus I wanted to help.

The wood for the balcony for the second definitely needs to be replaced, actually most of the balconies will need to be replaced, and the porch and lawn lights needs fixing bc many of them are bent or gone. A couple of apartments need extensive repairs in the back, and the trees that have snapped needs to be picked up- and the potholes need to be filled as well, but we’ve all been complaining for over 10 years to get them fixed and they haven’t been solved, and now there’s more- part of the sidewalk/driveway is gone somewhere.

The park across from us needs to have the trees picked up off of it, and it needs to be inspected so it’s safe for the kiddos. It could’ve been a lot worse if Florence hadn’t weakened, if it had stalled any longer.

IDK why u read all of this but for that I give u smooches. I guess this is just why I won’t be evacuating again unless its a Cat 5 barreling down on my ass because this was just 2 stressful 4 my frag ile ass. I guess if you wanna know more u can dm me but hey im just tryna survive in a third world city in America like the best boi i can be.

Just wanna shoutout the hotel desk girl who got us a room, the old tire man who spared out thin wallets and speedy service and that lady from Lumberton who I hope at least is somewhere warm and safe because GOTDAMN was our shelter cold as hell, like I felt like it was a solid 40 degrees in there. Plus all the little peeps along the way who helped us out in minor ways.

Also did I mention ppl driving in the Sandhills are rude and aggressive as hell? Yes? Well, I’m saying this again. They are the kind of ppl to road rage ur ass.

Just keep the smaller cities in the wide circle of Florence’s thot circle of destruction.

Yeet dabs

               ~Jek

[quitetommy]

i’ve got nothing left for you (tom holland)

hi friends!!! this is my first imagine one here, so expect many more to come, and i hope u enjoy!! also, requests are totally open. (:

warning; emotional abuse (sorta)

(also also also, listen to the song 'nothing left for you' by sam smith bc this is based off that song)

The 20 year old sighed and pulled her hood over her head. For two reasons, one because she didn't want to be seen by any of her current boyfriend's fans or the paparazzi. Dating Tom Holland had its perks, like being pampered 25/8 or having the privilege of loving him one day. But it also had its faults, like being followed around and harrassed. The second reason was because it was raining and she was already cold and didn't want to be even more freezing. It was around 3:30, she saw once she checked her watch. She had just left her therapy and was supposed to meet Tom around the corner in his car.

Why was Y/N in therapy? Oh, ask her piece of shit ex-boyfriend. Long story short, he emotionally abused her for years. Yeah, years. The two had been dating for 6 years before Tom finally made her end it. Thank God, too. After she was out of the horrible living situation, she quickly came to the realization that it could've become much, much worse if not for Tom. She was lucky to have him. She was even luckier when one year later Tom asked her out on a date. Y/N figured there was no one better for her than Tom, 'cause it's not like she had to explain her situation to him, or why she was weird in some situations, or why she went to therapy every week. He was there for it all, he knew everything and that lifted a weight off Y/N's shoulders.

Maybe I'm done. Maybe it's true. Maybe I had one chance and I lost it with you. We fell so hard with nothing to lose. I'll never love again I'll never love you.

Once she reached the car, she quickly jumped in and pressed her lips to her boyfriend's. He smiled softly at her and turned the radio down before turning the car over. "Hey, darling. How was it?"

She loved that about him. He was always looking out for her. He really cared, unlike him— her ex. The bane of both their existences. She shrugged and buckled herself in, "It was good, I guess. I-I just feel like you're wasting your money." Y/N frowned, looking out into the rainy London pass by.

Tom furrowed his eyebrows as he stopped at the red light, "What do you mean? If it's helping how would I be wasting our money."

Y/N was not rich by any means. Not since her ex basically took all her money. He had made her pay for everything. And not that Y/N minded, because she had been independent since a young age, but it was more of a burden than anything. Especially when he spent all her hard earned money on stupid things, like booze or fast food, or unnecessary dinners with "friends". So, when Tom and Y/N got together she was surprised that he wanted to help pay. She was surprised when he wanted to do many things- it was just something she needed to get used to. The graciousness that is Tom Holland, that is. She remembers when Tom offered to pay for her therapy. It was on a day like today. He had picked her up and she had moaned and groaned about how expensive it was getting and he immediately asked, begged practically, to pay for it. But of course, Y/N wasn't trying to get him to pay. She was just blowing off some steam, so she tried and tried to let him not pay. But eventually it got to be too much and they had to combine their cash income. Not that either one of them minded.

'Cause I gave my heart to a goddamn fool. I gave him everything. Now there's nothing left for you 'Cause I gave (I gave) My heart (my heart) To a goddamn fool. I lost everything. Now I have nothing left for you. I have nothing left for you.

"Hmm?" Tom asked again, she had zoned off. She did that a lot, Tom noticed. He guessed it was just her PTSD she acquired from her previous life.

"I-I don't know," Y/N fumbled with her fingers, not making eye contact. "I just feel like we are going in circles."

Tom turned his blinker on, turning onto a street, "It's not helping anymore?"

She shrugged again and sighed, "We've just leveled out. . . I'm sorry."

Tom sighed but didn't answer. He wanted to, he just didn't know what to say. So he said that.

"I don't know what to say." Tom pulled into a driveway. One that wasn't theirs. Y/N furrowed her eyebrows but didn't question it.

"Yeah," She breathed out, "Yeah, I know. I-I just—"

"Love, I want you to get better and if this isn't working anymore, then we'll figure it out. You being whole again is my main priority." He said and brought her hand to his mouth, softly kissing it. She finally met his eyes and smiled softly. She almost said it right there, right then. She almost told him she loved him, but she didn't. She didn't want to ruin things. So, she kept quiet.

I can't pretend pretend that I care. I see how you look at me. But I am not there, the damage is done. I'll save you the time and if there are feelings there they are not mine.

Before Y/N could process what was happening, Harrison and Harry were running towards the car. Y/N was beyond confused. The two men hopped in the car, saying their hellos. Y/N pulled herself together, "Hey guys. Who's house is this?"

Harry smiled, "Mine! Just bought it yesterday. I'm surprised Tom didn't tell you. Trust me, Y/N, you've got him whipped beyond repair."

Y/N giggled at the younger Holland boy. Tom's cheeks turned pink slightly, he glared at his brother in the rear view mirror. "Hey now, just because I love my girlfriend doesn't mean I'm whipped."

Harry and Harrison both started to laugh then looked to the former's phone, laughing again at something. But Y/N didn't care. She was in shock. Tom had just confessed his love for her. He didn't seem to notice either. He just continued to drive like nothing happned. But something had. Y/N was quiet again and Tom noticed, putting his hand on her leg. "You okay?" He questioned quietly, eyeing her.

She gave him a weak smile and nodded, barely. She just sat, lost in her own mind as Tom and his family laughed and joked with each other, driving back to Tom and Y/N's home. The only thing that was occupying Y/N's mind was terrible, horrible lies. And she couldn't do anything to stop them. She wasn't even sure what was real or not real.

He doesn't love you, It said. And again, It's not real. He just pities you. He's not in love with you. Don't fall for it.

And again, and again and again. And until they were alone in their bed, falling asleep in each other's arms.

'Cause I gave (I gave) My heart (my heart) To a goddamn fool I gave him everything. Now there's nothing left for you 'Cause I gave (I gave) My heart (my heart) To a goddamn fool. I lost everything. And I have nothing left for you. Oh, I have nothing left for you.

"Y/N, is everything okay?" Tom asked, rubbing her back and playing with her hair. Y/N's head was on his chest, her eyes barely open and her mind hardly awake.

"Hmm?" Her eyes opened just a bit, but she didn't move. Tom sighed and Y/N felt like she needed to be fully awake for this conversation. It was going to get bad. She sat up, so did Tom. Their backs were against the headboard, while Tom kept his eyes on her and she kept her gaze on her lap.

"What's bothering you?" He asked, genuinely concerned. He was worried he had done something wrong. "Have I done something wrong? You've been off ever since therapy today. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you usually bounce back after about an hour."

"No. No, you're right." She nodded. She still kept her eyes on her lap, "It's just what you said earlier. . ." Tom furrowed his eyebrows, "What did I say— Oh no, when I told them that you sleep in your slippers? Love, we were just teasing you."

"No, Tom!" Y/N finally snapped. She didn't care that Harry and Haz were teasing her about her slippers and how she wore them to bed when she was super cold. She didn't fucking care. Tom jumped, startled by her outburst. "I don't fucking care about the slippers, okay?!"

She stood up, ripping herself away from her loving boyfriend. He stood up too, walking around the bed to stand near her. He didn't want to get too close, in fear of scaring her. No, he never wanted to do that. She pulled her hands up to her face, shaking. "I-I-I don't even know where this is going, Tom."

"Love. . . What do you mean?" He asked softly. His mind was running a mile a minute but he didn't want it to show.

"Tom, you're in-fucking-love with me!" She screamed and threw her hands down. He stepped closer, only a bit though, and she stepped back. His face fell and she saw, but didn't let it show that she cared.

"Of course I am, darling." He nodded anyways, "Why don't you come here and we can talk about this, calmly?"

She shook her head, tears welling in her eyes. He tried stepping to her again, she didn't move, so he placed his hands onto her arms in a loving manner. She screamed, "No, no! Get off of me!"

He obeyed, immediately dropping his hands and stepping back, like she had burst into flames. "Y/N, darling, if you want to go back and forget what I said, we can. We can wait until your ready."

"No! No, we can't! Because it's already out! You won't get me to say it. You won't!" She pointed at him, her tears falling rapidly, his too. He loved her, so much. He hated seeing her like this. He hated what that asshole did to her. God, he loved her so much. She continued, screaming, "I'm not something you can fix! Can't you see that I'm a product of my own past? Tom, this isn't going to last, I'm going to end up alone!"

He shook his head, "No, no, love, you won't. I'll be here. I'll help you, you're gonna get past this. I promise you."

He walked over to her again and wrapped his arms around her, she thrashed around in his hold, sobbing. Y/N fell to the floor, dragging Tom with her. She finally calmed her body and leaned her head against his chest, crying loudly. Tom held the breaking girl, whispering sweet nothings to her.

No. You won't hear me say those words again. This is something that you cannot mend. Can't you see I am a product of my own past?  So I know this will never last. And I will cover your fears. I will not pick up your tears. I'll live out the rest of my days alone.

After awhile, Y/N's and Tom's cries had quieted down, they just sat in each other's arms. Somewhere in the time of sitting with each other they both realized something. Tom realized how much he loved her. He realized how hard it was to love her. He realized he loved a broken girl. And most importantly, he realized that he would stick by the broken girl until the day he died. Y/N realized two things. She realized that she was completely complicated and tough to crack. But boy was she lucky to have someone willing to help her through it. Sure, that didn't mean she was instantly cured from the depths of her own mind, but it sure did help to know she wasn't alone. And in that time, she realized her fear. She was terrified that she wouldn't ever love again. God, did she want to. She wanted to love Tom, so badly. She was just scared. Scared to love, scared to let go, scared to jump in again. But she was determined to try, and if that's all she could do, she'd be okay. She just wanted to try.

'Cause I gave my heart to a goddamn fool. I gave him everything. Now there's nothing left for you. 'Cause I gave my heart to a goddamn fool. I lost everything and I have nothing left for you.

[pmtexts]

Tic Tic Tok

⤑ Prompt: Everyone is injected with two permanent watches on their arm. One is the time that they have left until they meet their soulmate. The other is the time that they have left until they die.

⤑ Word count: ~2k

⤑ Angst, Soulmate!Yugyeom

–

When I was born the doctors implemented this watch-band thingy to my wrist that told me how long I have left until I die. I basically have three more months at this point, and I’m only 19.

I was also given another watch-band thingy that told me how much longer I have left until I meet my soulmate. It hasn’t turned on yet bc my soulmate hasn’t gone to get his turned on. That’s the thing about the soulmate watch, you need to go to a specialist to get it turned on. So I guess my soulmate, whoever they are, either doesn’t believe in soulmates, or they just think I’ll be ugly. Ouch.

Ever since I was younger I had fantasized about my forever lover. “Maybe he’ll be a prince on horseback!” I wondered when I was 6. “Maybe he’ll be in some kind of band.” When I was 13 and boy-crazed for guys with instruments – I had always wanted the drummers. And now I wonder if I’ll ever even get the chance to meet him, since I have such little life left.

—-

Now here I am, 11pm and cramming in my Honors Biology homework for tomorrow and really wishing I had someone that I loved to help me with my stress.

‘I wish I was still 6 years old, because I really need my prince char-’

PING!!

Slowly and hesitantly, I looked down to where my soulmate band is, right under my life band.

3MO 2DAYS 01HR 00MIN 05SEC

Immediately my face went whiter than my bedsheets. My eyes shifted slightly upwards where I read my life band.

3MO 2DAYS 01HR 00MIN 04SEC

The two watches were in sync.

‘I meet my soulmate…at the same time I die?’

—-

“Your soulmate must be Jesus himself. Why else would your soulmate meet you at the same time that you die?”

For the next few weeks after my soulmate band lit up with the, now dreadful, numbers, this is the majority of comments I’d get from people. I get that they’re trying to make me feel more lighthearted about this whole ordeal, but I’d really appreciate if they would just shut up sometimes. I know now that this is probably a glitch in the system. I mean, why would my soulmate be the one who kills me? 

“Maybe we should go get it checked out, like, I’m sure there must be glitches in the system. After all, this only started about a year before I was born, so it was still fairly new when you were born. They must have accidentally programmed the same number twice.” Sometimes, my best friend Jackson actually has good ideas. “Okay yeah, that’s reasonable. Let’s go downtown next week to their regional headquarters and settle this out, because I don’t think Jesus would be that great of a match for me.” I responded back, with the last remark resulting in Jackson erupting in his ever-so contagious laughter.

So with that, next week has rolled around and we’re now standing in front of the ominous government building about 20 miles away from campus. I feel a hand reach over to grab mine with a little squeeze, and I squeeze back while looking up and giving Jackson a half smile. He could definitely see the hesitation lingering in my eyes, as he gave me an even bigger smile back. One that told me everything would work out alright.

Gulping, I look down at my two bands to get an update until D-Day.

2MO 15DAYS 10HR 42MIN 34SEC

‘Maybe they just got my soulmate day mixed up with my death day. It’s not like I’ll probably be terminally ill in two months.’ My mind reassured me. 

Taking in my last breath of fresh air, I let go of Jackson’s hand and entered the building.

The building looked like any other office building, you’ve got your waiting area, mass amounts of elevators, a big area for receptionists – probably one for each big area of business here – and there is also a few families crying on their way out, having just had to send their dead loved one away. We made our way over to the receptionist for the soulmate handlers, a very tall and handsome man with died blonde hair. 

Mark Tuan was what his name tag read. “Hello and welcome to the Soulmate Center. Do you have an appointment or would you like a walk in consultation?” He asked with a vibrantly bright smile. “Could we have a walk in?” I asked. “Sure thing, just sit on one of the couches and I will send a request for you two. Guess your match didn’t work out huh?” He responded, while looking at both of us and shaking his head. ‘Gross, he thinks I’m with Jackson!’ “Oh nono, I’ve already found my match, is her that has the problem.” Jackson referred to me and the receptionist nodded, mumbling a sorry out. 

“I just need your name to send out the request Miss.” Mark handed me a paper and pen to write out my name. Once I did so, I slid it back to him and Jackson and I took a seat on one of their fading red couches. “You’d think that for a place so high tech, they’d update their furniture every now and then.” I disgustingly whispered while pulling at a failing string attachment.

“Hey sugar relax, it’ll all be settled out in a little bit muffin. Just sit tight baby.” Mocked Jackson, alluding to the mix up. “Gross dude, I’d never go for you even IF you were my soulmate. I don’t want someone who does their laundry once a month.” I lightly hit his arm.

He started to defend himself, something about not wanting the colors to fade easily, when he got interrupted by a calling out of my name from a technician. I got up quickly and peered down at my wrist, seeing that I was supposedly ten minutes closer to both tragedies displayed. Taking another deep breath in, I strode over to the man who called out to me.

“Hello Miss Y/N, I’m Mr. Park. I understand you have an issue you would like to discuss about your soulmate watch?” He shook my hand and led me down the hall and took one right turn and then a left turn before arriving at the third door on the left.

“Hi yes, I think there must be something faulty in your system.” I raised my right wrist to show him the two identical countdowns and his face fell.

“Oh no, no no no there’s nothing wrong with our system. We’ve been trying to see if there’s any way that we could fix this, assuming our coding got messed up. I’m sorry to say this but there’s absolutely no way to fix this. I know it may sound crazy, but you will fall at the hands of your lover.”

Tears immediately started streaming down my face as each word he said was like a knife jabbing into my heart, which was ironic given the situation at hand. “The day that your soulmate came in, our servers immediately sent out red signals and sirens in my office after I turned on his timer. I checked into the system to see what went wrong, and I found you. Now, with this visit I was hoping you were requesting to shut off your timer and forget about this whole situation.”

At this point he was rambling on and on, trying to better asses the situation. However, all I could hear and feel was the world slowly going numb. I’m never going to have my prince charming. I’m never going to have my drummer boy in some punk band. 

At least I’ll get to see him. Once.

—-

Everyone talks about wanting to live up their last moments in life by throwing massive ragers or breaking petty laws to run from the police. I, however, have spent the last two months cooped up in my apartment with only my roommate and Jackson to keep me company, and it’s generally been just Jackson.

“Y/N, tomorrow’s the day. You can’t spend today just in a ball surrounded by your blanket’s and pillows.” Jackson wined, trying to pull my blankets off of me. “If I never get up though, maybe I won’t have to face him ever and I can just continue living my life, never needing a soulmate and dying at a normal age. Or even a car crash when I’m in my 40s.” I barely made out, as my face was buried in some pillows.

“Fine, whatever. Just don’t die thinking I couldn’t have done anything.” Jackson spit out while throwing the blanket part he had in his hands back onto me.

As soon as I heard the front door slam, signaling Jackson’s leave, warm tears filled my cheeks. The next few hours of the day were filled with different scenarios running through my mind of how I’ll die tomorrow.

At round 5pm, I finally got up. Not from some sudden want to go out and live my life, but purely because of hunger. I went into the kitchen to make some ramen, when I heard the news on in the living room. Putting the pot set to boil, I left the kitchen and sat on one of the chairs in the living room to watch what the people speaking had to say about my city.

“A string of breakins have been occurring in the apartment complex near the mall. An armed robber has been breaking into apartments and attempted to shoot some of the owners while raiding anything that they can. If you live near or in the complex, we suggest leaving the premise immediately and seek other shelter tonight and the rest of the time until the authorities catch the robber.”

The only thing that brought me out of my trance was hearing the boiled water spill over into the fire, singeing. I hopped off of the chair, turned off the water and ran into my room to grab a pair of clothes as well as other necessities and drove myself over to Jackson’s apartment complex, a 20 minute drive away.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNO-

“What do you WANT?!” Jackson threw open the front door and I squeezed under the available space under his arms. “Jackson I need to spend the night and I changed my mind I want to do something tomorrow night I don’t care where we go but I need to live for my last night we can go downtown and go drinking or we can completely go to another city I don’t care I just need to get out tomorrow night” I rambled trying to catch my breath in between words.

—-

The morning and afternoon went normally, I crashed on Jackson’s couch last night. Now, it is 8pm and we’re both getting ready to drink the night away. Last night, when I recovered my breath and my sanity, I better explained to Jackson the situation and that I might miss him tonight if he planned to come to my apartment. Plus, my room mate is out of town visiting her family so he won’t possibly get her either.

However, my life band never changed it’s time. It kept ticking. So I decided that it must just keep running no matter what so I forgot about it and continued getting ready for tonight.

“Ready?” I looked over in the mirror to Jackson’s resting body on the door frame. I put my last swatch of lip-gloss on my lips and nodded, moving through the door frame Jackson had just resided in.

I took a fresh breath in when I stepped outside, and made my way behind Jackson towards the Uber he had ordered us. 

“Let’s spend one of my possible last nights right by getting shitfaced.” I reached out to Jackson’s hand, giving it a quick squeeze before getting in the backseat.

—-

I could barely walk on my own two feet now. I lost count of how many shots I had after five and how many bottles of beer after my third. I didn’t realize, but I accidentally left Jackson alone in the club when I stumbled out of the doors, almost falling flat on my face and thus shattering my almost empty bottle in my hands.

On my way back to standing straight, I caught a glimpse of my band. 

0MO 00DAYS 00HR 00MIN 10SEC

Drunkenly, I started counting down as if it were new years eve. “10..9..8HIC7..6..5..4HIC3..2..1!” I took my last swig of beer in my hand.

A deafening shot rang through the air. I fall back on my back. I look up to see the most handsome man with equally stunning eyes and hair. His black attire fades into the surrounding black of the night.

~~~~~

Oo my first story on here! I hope you guys enjoyed it and didn’t want to kill me the whole time :) please send feedback about my writing and maybe request something along the way ;))

[alex-fictus]

FIELD CAMP!!

Finally in Utah for field camp! Just me, allll alloooooone in Utah (jk). The trip out was a JOURNEY.

––––DAY 1–––– 1) Leave at 7:30 am. Pass through Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Missouri, and get into Kansas by night fall. Supposed to be at our campground in Kansas by 8:00. That doesn't happen. 2) At 11:00 pm, my van hit a deer in the middle of Kansas. Totaled it. Everyone was okay, I honestly only heard the thunk and saw a flash of brown in front of the car. Spent 2 hours on the side of the road figuring things out. My friend made a joke at the cop and confused him. Had to downsize from 4 vans to 3. It wasn't too cramped, since one of the vans only originally had 1 person besides the 2 drivers. 3)Off in the distance from where we hit the deer was a huge thunderstorm. It was aaaaall around us. We slept in the vans instead of making camp like we were originally going to because of the torrential downpour and the lightning strikes 0.6 miles away at the closest.

––––DAY 2–––– 1) Another 8 or so hours of driving and we get out of Kansas into Colorado. TA Mike begins to lose his sanity with our "unique" sense of humor. 2) I really had to pee for 45 minutes, and we passed up 3 different exits with visible gas stations. 3) Drove through Denver. Lots of traffic. 4) We had lunch at an OSU Alum's house. It was gooooorgeous. 3) One of the guys in my van gets the beginnings of a migraine and he's a little out of it most of the evening. 4) We get into Colorado on I-70 and in the distance there's a HUUUUGE plume of smoke in the distance. Turns out there's a huge brush fire that they're shutting down I-70 for. So we pull off the highway and we take a route that goes through open range, where you can hit cows that meander into the road. TA Mike is absolutely on edge, bc the guy driving the van that hit the deer is driving our car at that point. Plus we lost sight of the other two vans when we 3)We go all the way down the eastern way on this route. We get 30 minutes down this winding road in the middle of a valley only to get to a place where they've shut down the road again because of the fire. 5) We turn around. Head back the 30 minutes and then keep going, through more open range. This road lead all the way to the opposite wall of the valley, up over the mountain ridge, and then back down into the next valley over. 6) ANOTHER DEER JUMPS OUT IN FRONT OF US. Luckily TA Mike hit the breaks just in time. Tales from the next van back say there was much screaming. 7) We get out onto the highway finally. It's 10:00 by the time we get to a place to grab food, while we were supposed to be at camp in Utah at 8:00. We debate it, but it was less risky to just go to the Utah campsite than find a new one in the town we were in in Colorado. Get to the campsite in Moab, UT past 12:30, luckily with no more deer sightings. We sleep in the van a second night.

––––DAY 3–––– 1) Wake up, freezing at 6 am, back to sleep, dying of heat at 8 am. Get out of Moab which is gooooorgeous. 2) Go into town with the intention of going to Arches National Park. It closes minutes before we get through the gate due to capacity overload. 3) Most of the crew goes to get gas and use the bathroom. MEANWHILE, me and my entire van run down the street to a rock shop. I bought a trilobite >3> 4)Apparently a guy at the gas station told the TA's about a free hiking trail up the road. We go. It's amazing, I'll have to post pictures. HOWEVER, there was a point that was one steep incline, like almost 45°-50° from horizontal, I didn't trust my ankles coming back down. Hung out with a couple of people on the lower plateau instead. Probably made it half way, maybe more. 5) Drive to Spanish Fork, set up camp, get utterly annoyed by my friends. Ya know. The Usual.

––––DAY 4–––– 1) My sleeping bag is both too small for me and has a broken zipper, awful for practical camping. Spent most of the night freezing. 2) Break down camp, experience disappointment in my friend. 3) Head to our first hiking sight. Which is changed mid-way because the one we were originally planning had a NO TRESPASSING sign taped to the front of it. Head for another. 4) I hiked a little under 1 1/2 miles up and down along the side of a valley. It was also a horse riding trail, so there was dung eeeeeverywhere. Made it all the way even though I thought I was gonna die, bc the elevation change. 5) Head over to another site and do another hike almost the same length. It had a great waterfall at the very end of it. Made it all the way up and down without too much hassle, just a few stops. 6) Continue up the road from there, with an elevation change of 2400 ft to see the Devil's Kitchen. TA Mike's sanity is GONE. If found, please someone send it back. 7) Go back down, one of the vans smells like it's burning their tires from constantly riding them down a steep winding road. 8) Get to apartment, set up. 9) Spend waaaaay too much on food at Walmart, but it's a necessary evil bc we're in charge of our own lunches in the field.

And that has been my last four days. At least 46 more days to go...

[wannawrite]

The B In Baejin Is For Boyfriend Material

• who?: Wanna One's Bae Jinyoung • genre: 🌸 • type: bullet point blog navigator. • pure fluff of what Jinyoung would be like as a boyfriend on campus kdlsjskdjsj I'm honestly really terrible at the boyfriend type of content because I'm not good at speculating or assuming how people actually are in real life. But this was fun to do and I hope it isn't a total flop. Thank you for requesting this anon!! - Admin L 

• first of all, regardless of what college you apply to or enrol in, Jinyoung would be super supportive • even if your dream college and his dream college were 200 miles away • luckily, you guys somehow got into the same college • hell yeah • you wouldn't see your boyfriend for awhile because you're too busy packing and getting ready for college • but this is Bae Jinyoung we're talking about   • *ring ding dong* • you peel open the door to reveal a smiling Baejin, hands filled with packing materials such as masking tape • "yah ~ aren't you supposed to be getting ready as well? Why are you here?" • "i'm here to help!" • you sigh and raise your eyebrows at him • then again, you aren't actually complaining about it • who wouldn't want to have your boyfriend around • and helping you • Jinyoung's house is closer than yours to the institute so he doesn't have much to bring to his dorm • he can travel that half an hour every weekend • your situation is different • much different • a dozen of your things are packed and ready to be shipped to college with you • which is practical because you can't be travelling 5 hours up and down every day • you need everything in your dorm • literally • including that cute plushie Jinyoung gifted you on your birthday to sleep with • otherwise, you know you won't be able to fall asleep • your roommate is cool with you pretty much occupying the entire dorm since they too live extremely close to the college • you love your roommate already • let's not lie Jinyoung is probably decent at packing and being neat • sure, he's no Minhyin but he makes an effort to try and help • folds your clothing • realises it's his sweater he thought he lost last Winter • Baejin sighs but smiles and tucks it in your luggage anyway • his baby WILL wear his clothes • stops to observe the things you packed and realises you have like 500 boxes of household equipment • "....love, how much stuff do you actually need?" • "LovE hOW muCH STufF dO YOu acTUALLy NeED" you reply • *insert Spongebob meme* • "you will help me carry it to my room, won't you?" • your voice drips with honey, sickeningly sweet and begging • Jinyoung pinches your cheek gently, "ahh, I can't. I'm moving in two days after you, remember?" • "yah! is that your reason for moving in after?" • a cheeky smile spreads on his face but before you can retort something snarky, he presses his soft lips to yours • packing is forgotten • you are sad you're moving in before your boyfriend does • he doesn't forget your move in date • at first, your parents were going to drive you and your things over • surprise • on that day, it was Bae Jinyoung and  your parents who showed up in the car to pick you • you nearly melted into tears • he lives far away from you so any unscheduled meet up is rare and always makes you cry • bc he doesn't have to make that 5?? 6?? hour journey to and fro • but he chose to • well duh, it's for you • he's that type of person let him live • your parents were in on it too • the car ride to college is one of the more enjoyable ones you have had in your life • Jinyoung is so charming your parents fell for him immediately • he's talking about baking, politics and gardening all at once to both your parents • it's amusing • and you really wouldn't have it any other way • look at your boyfriend and family getting along so well • he bouta be part of the family soon • wink wonk • your parents love him as much as you do • maybe even more • as soon as the car is parked, your parents venture out to sip tea in one of the on-campus cafes, promising to see you before they leave for the long drive back • your legs are so wobbly you can't even stand up straight anymore • pins and needles are a PAIN • thankfully, you have an amazing boyfriend by the name of Bae Jinyoung to assist you in balancing • both of you make multiple trips back and forth, each time the load of boxes seemingly heavier • djosapdkdl you realise it's going to take the entire day even if you started at 7am • Baejin pulls out his phone. "Hi Jay, clear my schedule for today. I'm really busy right now" • eventually, you do finish up unloading and unpacking every box and bid your family goodbye • you let your lips linger on Jinyoung's for a few more seconds than usual • "it's never a goodbye kiss, Y/N." • of course, you are reunited on his move in day • the favour is returned by you helping to carry like two boxes of things   • he only needed three boxes and one bag • wow • don't you love staying nearby • college starts and your life is flung into a flurry • you barely catch a glimpse of Jinyoung throughout the first couple of weeks but you two decide on a schedule • he walks you to your first lecture every odd week • and you buy him coffee after his classes every even week • sometimes, he just calls you out of your dorm to grab a pizza at the restaurant on campus • college isn't like this irl but • picnic dates at the picnic tables outside the cafeteria • cloud watching, enjoying the sun, just conversing and finally! relaxing after all the stress from your studies • Jinyoung takes a ton of pictures to save as his wallpaper • you talk about your troubles and spill everything during those sessions • it becomes somewhat therapeutic • when either of you has a bad day, you call each other as soon as classes end • "babe..." • "hang on babe. grab your coat, we're headed out" • it happens all the time • you grab dinner together and then go for a nice night stroll • such romantic • 110% mood improved • study dates in the library when it's finals season • it's meant to be a date but you guys concentrate so much on your studies and nearly forget each other's presence • the library closes late for night study etc • you're wrapped up in his sweater and poring over your notes, frantically trying to memorise information • whenever you look like you want to tear your hair out, Jinyoung takes your pen from you and scribbles on a post-it before stamping it in your notes • "take care of yourself! i love you. :)" • your binder is covered in those neon stickers and they make your heart melt every time you see them • always reminds you to eat and stay hydrated • buys you 'cheer up!' stationery such as ramen shaped erasers or a pen with a cute design • you never actually use them and you keep them in a special pen holder on your desk • your roommate teases you about it, especially when more stationery is added • when Jin gets frustrated, you always remind him that he is worth it and that he isn't going to screw up • hyping him so his confidence doesn't fall to where it used to be • to Baejin, your smile itself is enough to make his day • it only gets better when you leave handwritten notes and sometimes a small snack in his bag while he wasn't looking • walks in and out of the exam hall exuding confidence • one night, you fell asleep at the library, surrounded by all your books • Baejin can't exactly leave you there yet he doesn't want to wake you up • so he took over the graveyard shift from the student librarian just to keep the library open and operating • so that you could have a good sleep • and so that half the cohort could cram a night before finals • in the morning, you are forced to literally drag him out lest he miss his final • you blush when your friends tell you about his gesture • how extra™ • you shake your head out of embarrassment but your friends find his care adorable • he gets really shy when you confront him about it • "really? was there no better way to solve it? you could have woken me up you know?" • "ahh but if I did, you wouldn't have gotten an A* on your paper? would you?" he teases • hahaahahaha true • since it's after finals, Jinyoung decides to take you off campus on a date • he goes out of his way to obtain a special parking pass for campus parking • idk we have that here so ^ • "jin, wasn't that cafe over there? why are we headed to the carpark?" • you feel a bit overdressed for your usual spot but he told you to dress your best • Jinyoung tightens his grip around your hand and beams with a wink • "we're going off campus tonight, sweetheart" • S W E E T H E A R T • by the way, I should mention that he looks absolutely dashing in his suit and maroon tie • you're practically drooling and thanking God for your amazing boyfriend • he's glad he heeded Guanlin's fashion advice • anyway • you can hardly contain your excitement as it's been awhile since you got a break from the college scenery • when he sees your mouth stretching into a giant smile, Jinyoung can't help but grin too. • he's happy you're elated to the point that it can't be hidden • since he lives in the nearest city which is 30 minutes away, you take time to admire the foreign scenery • wow....I can't believe Jinyoung lives here.... it's so pretty • ....maybe one day that will be your hometown too • MOVING ON • Jinyoung takes you to the finest restaurant he knows • his mum ONLY brought her clients there to eat so he knows it's serious • parks his fancy car right next to the entrance • you're wondering how he can afford it • he's still in college • maybe he's in the mafia? or a stripper? • okay i'm sidetracking again I'm sorry • with your arms linked, Jinyoung walks up to the host and confidently says, "I have a reservation under Mr. Bae Jinyoung, table for two" • A S D F G H J K L • dinner isn't as tense as you figured it would be • there's still laughter, jokes, and small talk about your school life • it feels the same - if you minus the fanciness of the place - as one of your regular dates on campus • no matter what, Bae Jinyoung is your boyfriend. the type of date doesn't change who he is • the walks to class • the on-campus dates • staying up late to cram for finals • helping him with his presentation slides • going to watch a movie at the media centre • visiting his dorms with food in the middle of the day when you found out he had been cooped up in there and refused to eat lunch • thank you Daehwi • you propped your head in your hands, sighing but beaming • one hand reached out to grab Jinyoung's, he didn't complain • your hands intertwined lovingly • "my college days are so much better with you"

[movingstoriesla]

19. Jonathan L.

Meet Jonathan, a supply chain consultant in the waste industry. He currently lives in Pasadena but originally grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area.

[Editor’s note: I originally conducted this interview in June 2018. Wow, how time flies! A lot happened personally between then and now, which meant transcribing, editing, and posting this interview kept getting pushed to the back burner unfortunately. I hope you enjoy this snapshot of life BC (Before Coronavirus)!]

As a kid, how did you get to school?

I remember I always walked to elementary school because it was only about two blocks away, although it was up a really steep hill. I also used to walk to middle school, which is about a mile away, with my friends. I feel like times have changed because parents wouldn't let their kids walk one mile unsupervised anymore.

I used to walk to high school, which was about maybe three-quarters of a mile away. When I was 15, I got my learner's permit and I got a learner's permit to ride a motorcycle, so then I started riding my motorcycle to school, probably because I had the ability to.

 Why a motorcycle?

I have no idea. I don't know what my parents were thinking. My dad had one, it was pretty small. I really wanted to ride it and I think he was excited that I wanted to learn but he opened a can of worms [laughs]. I used to ride it a lot and then I got my driver's license. I used to drive or walk, it depended, but I think I started school early, at 7:30, so I think I drove, even though it was right there. I guess it seems lazy, looking at it now, but it was probably the pride of being able to drive.

 How would your parents take you around?

We always had a minivan and a small car and between the two of those, that's how I would get around. I remember going on family trips with my two sisters. I swear, we would go in the Toyota Corolla, a five-seater car with five people because that got the best gas mileage and is the most reliable, so that was how I got around.

The BART train came to my town when I was like 13 or 14. For the most part, it was driving in the car to get everywhere.

 For college, he moved down to Los Angeles County and attended Cal Poly Pomona.

My parents actually insisted that I start school without a car, that I go to college without a car.

 Why did they insist on that?

Because I think they wanted me to live on campus and embrace it. I was far away, so they didn't want to worry about me driving around but it only lasted a month. For anyone who knows southern California, Pomona is very suburban. At the time, the campus was very commuter-oriented, so there weren't a lot of people staying on campus, there wasn't a lot to do on campus, and it was very isolating by not having a car. Anyone who knows where Pomona is, they probably think if you're not from the Inland Empire and not from that area, like oh my gosh, it's so far away because it is probably 20 or 30 miles east of downtown LA. But I ended up getting my car and using it all through college to get around.

 What did you use the car for in college?

Everything. Going to the grocery store, you had to drive a car. Nothing nearby.

 After college, Jonathan got a job nearby, in Ontario.

I was living in the Ontario area and over those next two or three years, I was in Ontario, in Rancho Cucamonga, in the Inland Empire, which is very big and spread out, so there's really no way to get around the car. I'm sure there are buses -- it sounds silly saying that, right? There's gotta be buses there, but I feel like most people would not have taken the bus, they would've driven.

I ended up moving west because one day, my boss said, “Starting on Monday, we're gonna have you switch to the operation that's in the city of Vernon.” I went from having a 6-mile commune with no freeway and 15 minutes, to having a 45-mile commute that was an hour and 15 minutes in the morning and two hours in the evening, which is why I decided to move west. I still had like a 45-minute commute but it made a big difference.

 Do you remember what it was like getting around southern California around that time?

If we take it even further: when I started college in my undergrad in the fall of 2002, the 210 freeway expanded east of San Dimas, all the way to San Bernardino. At the time, it was this huge, huge thing because you could just get on that freeway and you could drive as fast as you wanted because it was brand new and nobody used it. At the time, it was like the greatest thing ever and I'm sure it caused plenty of people to buy houses in Fontana and San Bernardino and Riverside, knowing that they had this brand-new freeway to get there, whereas now it's like a horrible commute. When I'm in Pasadena and I cross over that freeway, it seems like it's always stopped in the direction of the commute, sometimes it's both directions.

I don't really remember [what it was like driving around southern California] because at that point, I feel like I was pretty stuck in Pasadena because it's a great place to live. There’s so many fun things to do there and there's bars and restaurants. The Gold line, which goes downtown, was there but I never rode it. I only rode it a few times but it was limited. It only went to 11:30 at night, so if you wanted to go out for dinner and drinks with your friends in downtown, it was either get on the train at 11:30 or you gotta take a taxi because there was a little bit before Uber was around. Like, who takes taxis?

Pasadena is very walk-friendly, so I think that's why I didn't leave often is because I was in a little bubble. Even today, I can walk to public transit, to bars, to restaurants, to grocery stores, to farmers market. Part of the reason why I like living there is just because of the access to everything that I need without a car.

 Is that why you choose Pasadena?

No, I chose Pasadena because it seems like the nicest place I could find that was close to Vernon and there's always the chance my boss would say, “Oh you have to go back to Ontario” at some point, so I didn't want go on the west side to have to fight to get through downtown LA and then still drive another 40 miles. Pasadena was a safe area, there's tons of amenities, it's relatively easy access to Vernon, but it's also easy access to go back east at some point.

 Jonathan then left that job and then worked from home in Pasadena (“I would work from home a lot and I would ride my bike around and I still drove, I still wasn't- I was still pro-car. Not pro-car but just like, that's how you get around, so I didn't really think about the alternatives.”) He then accepted a job in Bakersfield and briefly lived there, but then took a three-month trip around Europe and afterwards, moved back to Pasadena.

Did you sell your car before you went away?

Yeah, but then I ended up getting a motorcycle because after quitting your job and taking three months to travel and then doing contract work, that's hit or miss. Cash flow was a little tight but I needed to get around, so I got a motorcycle. I found myself riding it way more than I would've liked to, getting around everywhere because that was my only transportation.

 I'm curious about that six months of car-free life. You eventually got the motorcycle but what was your life like transportation-wise in that interim?

I spent a lot of time in and around Pasadena and I think that's when I started to embrace the Metro Gold line train, which was able to get me downtown and all over LA. I've never been much of a bus person or I hadn't been. I've been more inclined to use the bus more recently because I have a better understanding of how to get around and how to use it and whatnot.

 And then you got a motorcycle and used that to primarily get around.

Yea, I was doing work and have to go to businesses in the San Fernando Valley and it's 20 miles or 30 miles each way. There'd be traffic and I was splitting lanes, where you drive in between the cars.

There was one day in particular where the traffic was horrible, it was completely gridlocked going to the Valley. I was just splitting lanes very slowly and something didn’t seem right, like there had to have been an accident or something was wrong because it just was not moving and people were looking at me and I didn't have any way to know what was going on and I wasn't listening to anything and finally I got the front and there is a motorcycle that was laying on its side and there was a coroner van, so obviously someone got in a motorcycle accident and died. I felt like, “What a schmuck. Here I am, splitting lanes and getting up to this accident and turns out it's a motorcycle fatality.”

Shortly after that, I’d been riding a motorcycle off and on for 15 years and had never gotten in an accident. Maybe now's the time to count my blessings and be done with it because when you ride a motorcycle for commuting, you have no choice but to split the lines because otherwise you're constantly putting your feet up and down, you'd be crawling, your motorcycle would probably overheat, so you just kind of zip on through. I didn’t get this to commute on, I got it to get around and I found myself commuting on it. I was like, “Well, now is the time to get rid of it,” so I ended up getting a car.

 How was it getting around the LA region in a motorcycle?

It's great because there's never traffic but it's also stressful because when you're on the freeway and in the carpool lane and the carpool lane is going 50, 60 miles an hour and the rest of the traffic is stopped, it's always in the back of the rider's mind: “Is a car going to pull out in front of me? Is someone going to change lanes in front of me? Is someone going to get road rage and not try let me get past them?”

I also noticed over time, from my first time riding a motorcycle when I was like 15, 16 years old, no one had cell phones and smartphones didn't exist, so I felt like people were much more focused on the road 15, 16 years ago than they are today because now we have so many distractions. By default, we always have GPS up, getting text messages, getting phone calls. I can tell you with relative accuracy who is distracted while they're driving and who isn't because when you're on a motorcycle and you're going between the cars, you can see which cars are driving straight line and which ones are veering back-and-forth because they're not paying attention.

I remember when I was 16 years old and I had a driver’s license and no cellphone. I was just around and going from my house to school or my house to my girlfriend's house or to the mall. I'd just be gone for hours and I was on my own, I didn't have a GPS as a crutch, I didn't have a phone as a crutch. I had to know where I was going. I think it's interesting because as amazing as technology is, we also use it to reduce our decision-making and the amount of decisions we have to make -- in a sense, dumbing ourselves down because we don't have to think about how to get a route.

I actually went to a friend's house in Glassel Park, Eagle Rock area. I know where she lives, I don't need to put my GPS on, like what if there's traffic or an accident – but no. So I went to and from her house without using the GPS, it was like 8 or 9 miles, but it was one of those things where I’m normally like, “Oh what's her address?” I don't even know what her address is. But I was like, no I'm not going to do that, I know how to get there. I'm going to use my brain and I feel like when I rely on my GPS to get around in my car, I actually miss things more frequently than when I can used to ride a motorcycle before I had the GPS or didn’t have a mount for my phone, so I would have to look in advance where am I going, I'm going to take him at 134 or the 101 to the 118, I'm getting off at the street and then you make left and when I get to this street, I go right and it should be over there somewhere and I would just figure it out. And now the thought of just getting on the road without using a phone as a crutch to get me around is like crazy, although I do it from time to time.

I must say though, that whenever I travel, I try to use the public transit system of wherever I am. It's fun just to see how the people who live there get around. I'm always paranoid and I feel like I always want to have my phone out and it's like where am I getting off, what stop is it? I remember in Portugal and I cannot for the life of me in Lisbon, I could not understand what the person on the speaker was saying and if I remember correctly, they didn't have the stop posted in the train. So the train gets into the station and it sounds like Charlie Brown [womp womp sounds], like what is this and it's really stressful.

I think a lot of it is, to take that back to local life, now that I have lived in Pasadena for nine of the last 10 years and I know how to get around everywhere and now in the last year, I come downtown for work and I know downtown so well. I was afraid to come downtown because it's big, it's crowded, I don't know where anything is located, whereas now I feel like I know it, not like the back of my hand just yet because the way we label our streets is confusing. But I'm getting a much better sense. To your point, we met at a coffee shop that’s at 800 and something Olive, so I know it’s on Olive between 8th and 9th Street. I literally don't need to look at my phone to get here. I think more people would benefit from doing that and I know that’s not necessarily about driving in a car but it's about how we get around. It’s like, we use our phone so much as crutches where we actually don’t think logically. Now that I’m here I understand that if the address starts with 800 that is between 8 and 9th blocks and 900 between the 9th and Olympic in downtown LA.

 After the motorcycle, Jonathan went back to owning a car.

I did the same job where I would be going out to the Valley, to South LA, and I bought a Chevy Spark, which is a really small car. Like, bigger than a smart car but smaller than a Corolla, like a micro car. I bought it as an F-you to the system, like what is the cheapest car I can buy that gets good gas mileage and it’s small because logically, this doesn't make sense so many people spend 30, 40, 50 70, a hundred thousand dollars on a car and all it does is, it’s something gets you from A to B. So I bought a Chevy Spark and I got a really good deal. I got one of those price advertised specials and it was really cheap and it was great and I had it for six months until I got my first car accident ever

When you're a Chevy Spark, I think they err on the side of caution because it’s such a small car that I rear-ended it going 5 miles an hour because I was distracted, looking at my phone, and four airbags deployed there is like a knee airbag for me and the passenger and the two regular air bags and because it was like a $12,000 car and the airbags alone were like $2,000 each, it was a total loss. But then ended up just buying a Prius because I needed a car really quickly.

 How did you decide on a Prius?

Because I'm really indecisive. I can spend thinking about what type of car to get but it's the number one most sold car in America. It's a hybrid which fits my vibe and at the time, my next-door neighbor was the automotive editor for the LA Times and he was like, “Of all the cars, if you buy that car, it's not going to cause you any problems.” Okay, I don't even think about it anymore but I ended up buying a car twice as expensive as the Spark but it is also more way more comfortable to drive on the freeway. Driving four-cylinder car with a 1.2 liter engine; I've owned motorcycles with bigger engines than [the Spark]. It could go 70 miles an hour on the freeway but then it was really a struggle after that. There were a couple times on a hill, where I literally couldn't go up the hill because it didn't have enough power but I still loved it. I would do it again, I wish I still had that car and I would still have that car if I hadn't rear-ended someone going 5 miles an hour.

 So how long were you doing this kind of commuting all over this the region?

Probably three or four years, five years, and then it got even worse because I started doing projects, waste audits and waste education outreach related to California's environment regulations. I started doing it for the County of Los Angeles, which is 4,600 square miles and I was routinely working from home but I'm driving to Rowland Heights or Hacienda Heights is like 30, 35 miles each direction, going to Compton, Inglewood, there's a lot of unincorporated areas, that's 20 to 30 miles south. I was going west all the way to the Ventura county line, which is like 30 or 40 miles and then the kicker was I would be going to Palmdale, Lancaster a lot which is like 70 miles each way, so it actually worked out probably having a Prius because Prius got great gas mileage but it could also get up Highway 14 really easily, whereas the Spark is more of a city car and it definitely struggled. As much as I hate to be living this zero-waste lifestyle [while] totaling a car that’s only six months old. And there's nothing worse than buying two cars in six months. It’s the worst process, buying a car. Speaking of my relationship of transportation, I hate buying cars.

 What do you hate about buying cars?

They make you feel horrible. Their goal is to wear you down, to get you to spend as much money as possible. I went to buy the Spark and I was there for three hours. I was like, “This is the car I want, I called you in advance, you told me it was there. We already discussed the price, the gap insurance, I don’t want. I don't want your financing, I don't want anything, I just want the car” and they still try to drag it out to wear you down and I think it really does impact the culture of how people get around. I think most people, there’s a lot of things they would rather do than buy a car. It’s just such an unpleasant experience and that’s the only thing that we do. I may buy a house and hope that it goes value. You buy antiques or collector’s items, they maintain their value. Cars are the biggest waste of money, it’s the biggest money pit. Literally you buy it and then you take possession of it, the moment you sign the contract, you already lost money and then you would have to get insurance, whether you drive that thing or not, you have to have insurance and gas. People say they love their car but if you think about it, it's like the worst thing ever and I really struggle with it because I don't drive my car five days per week and if I got rid of it, I guess I would get used to but it would impact how I get around on the weekends.

I have been looking for some new furnishings for my apartment and just yesterday I found a desk on craigslist and it was 12 miles away. If I didn't have a car, it would've been in a different story: is it available, can I come look at it, do I have to rent a truck or borrow a car from a friend and then incur a cost and then I decide I don’t want buy it or don't want it instead? It's expensive to own a car but it could be expensive to not own a car as well.

 When did you actually start working downtown?

I still do that work [waste audits], although usually it's my employees that get to do far-off projects now, but I've been coming downtown for about a year and then July 1st, it will be a year of coming downtown. I love that I can take public transit but for only being 8 or 9 miles away, it's still a commute. Originally, when I started doing it, I was walking to the train station, which was half a mile, so an 8-10 minute walk to the train station. I would come to Union Station, I have to transfer – which, if anyone's been in Union Station, the lines are not close to each other, so it's a 5-minute brisk walk but it could be longer and transferred two stops, get off at Pershing Square, and then walk. It's like 45 to 60 minutes each way, depending on whether I make the connections or not, so it’s easier than driving because we don't have parking at my office but also, driving downtown stressful because there’s tons of traffic, there’s no parking, there’s lots of congestion. I think they're trying to make it more pedestrian-friendly in downtown, so they're making it less desirable to drive a car anyway.

Maybe five or six months ago, I started riding my bike to the train station, which saves me five minutes getting to the train station and I have to wedge my bike onto the train, which is a pain. But instead of getting off at Union Station and transferring and walking, I take it one more stop in Little Tokyo and then have a mile and a half bike ride to my office. It saves at least 10 minutes each direction but sometimes it can be 15 to 20, depending on what the timing of the train and I don't have transfer, so that actually really opened up my eyes to using a bicycle to get around.

Actually it was the LA Metro bike docking stations in downtown and they were doing a promo, like a free month, and I started riding the bikes around and I didn’t really enjoy their bikes because they're only three speeds and it's like either up a hill, down a hill, or flat and they're heavy and I have a low center of gravity, so it's not really my jam but I was like, “I can spend $20 a month to maintain his membership to get around downtown, which is nice because I don’t have to maintain the bike, or I could just start riding my bike so I started riding my bike.

 How did you decide to start riding your bike and taking it onto the train?

It was from that free month with the Metro bike share because they got me more comfortable riding a bike downtown. I started learning which streets have bike lanes, which are safer for bikes, where all the docking stations are and also too, my employees commute about 3 miles each way via bike and they were a good model for that, like “I can ride my back around, that's cool.” So I did the free bike thing, I like this idea, I just don't like this bike, so I just got my bike out of the closet, I didn’t even get it tuned up because I need to if I actually want to ride the thing first, so I started riding it and I started seeing the benefits of getting a little bit more accelerated cardio in the morning versus just walking but I was saving between 10 and 20 minutes each direction every day, so I still have a commute but it's much shorter and then now when I’m downtown, I find myself riding my bike just to get around in other places and then I'm even more inclined on the weekend, places that normally I would just by default driven my car to, because it was in the 1 to 3 mile range, now I can just ride my bike, it’s way more accessible.

 On the weekends. what do you usually use your car for?

Yesterday I was looking for furniture, I bought a couple of lamps at a garage sale as well. Next Saturday I'm going to some event in Torrance, which is 30 miles away, it's like literally I'm going from the north side of the 110 freeway the entire length to the south side. I was looking at it: Google estimates two hours and 20 minutes each direction on public transit, which is just not very time efficient and that's assuming that they're on time and the buses are routinely not on time. I mean, I could talk all day about transportation and the problems of transportation but they drive on the city streets, they don't have dedicated lanes, so they’re subjected to the same traffic as cars are, so I have to drive, so I guess I could I uber 30 miles, cost $45 or $50 each way, if it's not the surge pricing.

 You’ve taken the train and driven by car. What is your experience taking the bus?

I use it occasionally. It’s a balance, though. If I’m near home and I'm feeling lazy, it's easier to have the car but I do know that if I didn't have the car, I would take the bus more frequently. I have had appointments, I had an appointment recently in Beverly Hills and I was looking about driving during a work-related appointment, so I was looking about driving my car. It would take me 45 minutes to get here, I have to park it, then I would have to drive to Beverly Hills, and deal with parking, come back. And then I looked up a bus route that goes down Olympic Boulevard the entire way, it's only like 5 miles but it takes an hour, but I was like, I could do work on the bus in theory.

 I took it and it as great because I got to leave my car at home, I was able to work while I was on the bus, I didn't have to deal with parking. I don’t think people think about the risks associated with driving, being the driver of a vehicle, the risk that you could get into an accident or you could get a ticket or both and I was like $1.75 each direction. Public transit is really cheap. I think it's one of the most heavily subsidized metro systems to the country. [Editor’s note: Although it would take some time to properly place LA Metro’s finances within the context of comparable transit agencies, as an FYI: their last Adopted Budget summary page lists: 57.9% from local sales tax and state revenue streams, 36% from bond measures, and 6% from operating and other.]

 What do you like about getting around LA, by any mode?

I think that LA is a city with 4 million people, the county has 10 million people, so it's a massive area and the true Angelenos would be quick to say that I don't live in LA. I think the county of LA is like 88 or 89 cities or something make up the County of LA and within those, there's probably hundreds if not thousands of neighborhoods and what I like about it is that when you find the neighborhood that works with you and you learn how to get around, it's actually a really accessible city with a lot of things to do, so I really like Pasadena. I like downtown except downtown is too expensive for what you get, like $2000 for a 500 square-foot studio without parking. But once you figure out where you like to live and where you like to go, then it's great because as I mentioned, between Pasadena and downtown, I can satisfy all my needs, I don't need a car. The challenge is when you go anywhere outside of that bubble. Yes, I can pay $1.75 and take the train from Pasadena to Santa Monica, but I'll take me an hour and 45 minutes, whereas even in traffic it's like a one hour our drive, so it's really hard to justify that when I go to the beach or visit friends, it’s hard to justify that. It’s one thing, okay, I'm in downtown after work, I’m going to meet some friends in Santa Monica, it’s a 30 or 40 minute train ride but then now it's 10 o'clock, 11 o'clock and I’m looking at an hour and 45 train ride back home, that's not really feasible.

 That goes into my next question of: what is it that you don't like here? What is the one big thing that you'd want to improve about transportation in LA?

I haven't been everywhere in the world but coincidentally, I was just in Colombia for vacation and one thing that they do really well is bus infrastructure. In the major cities where I visited, which were Cali, Medellin, and Bogotá, the buses have dedicated lanes in the center of the road, they have the bus stops on elevated platforms -- almost like a train platform -- and they're in the middle of the road and they have two lanes for the buses in each direction. That way, if the bus is stopped to pick someone up, another bus can still go around it. It was inexpensive: 2400 pesos to ride the bus, which is just less than a dollar, $0.75 or $0.80 to ride the bus. They had their own dedicated lines. Even though there was horrible traffic in the regular lanes, the buses moved freely.

It’s the single biggest problem that we have, I think, with the LA Metro and other bus systems I've seen around the country: the buses are stuck in the same traffic as the cars and everyone makes this decision: if I have to crawl, why would I crawl on the bus? I'll just drive my own car. The problem is so many people do that, it gets people out of the buses and into their cars. It takes away that incentive to ride the bus. Like me, riding in the carpool lane. If it's not flowing better than the other traffic, then why am I going to go out of my way to pick up a carpool if I'm not going to have the benefit of being in the shared lane? I think it exacerbates the problem because if I’m going to be stuck here, honestly I’d rather be stuck in my car and in my comfort zone, listening to my music, not sitting next to a stranger.

 When you went to Colombia, was that your first time taking that kind of bus rapid transit?

That was the first time I've been on bus transit where the buses had their own dedicated lines and it was really really eye-opening to how much more efficient bus transit could be. It was jam-packed, it didn't matter. The morning commute was packed, but the middle of the day was packed as well because it works. The bus system seems to actually work and Colombia being a lower-income country, I’m assuming fewer people own cars, which means they’re more likely use the buses. [Editor’s note: Colombia is considered the third largest market in South America for automotive sales, after Brazil and Argentina] If I just got rid of my car, then I would start using the bus more regularly because it would be a necessity but I have this privilege, this ability, to spend hundreds of dollars a month for the honor of owning a car that I only drive one or two times a week, which sounds absurd when I say that.

I am going to be going to San Diego for the weekend in a few weeks and what I love about it is that I can take Amtrak. It's two hours and 45 minutes from LA to San Diego. It's not cheap -- having a $70 or $72 round-trip -- but I can leave work, I can go two stops to the train station, I can leave 5 PM on a Friday, at 5:10 I think it’s when the train leaves, I can get to San Diego in two hours and 45 minutes with no traffic. No driving the car, I can read a book, I can look at the view, I can drink a beer, I can do whatever I want. I don't have to worry about the driving because yes, San Diego can be an hour and 45 minutes or a 2-hour drive at 5am on Saturday morning but usually it's going take two hours and 45 minutes anyway. Since I'm going to visit friends, I don't need a car when I get there, so it seemed like a no-brainer like, why would I sit in traffic? It would take me 45 minutes to get out of downtown LA on a Friday.

 Any final thoughts?

My background is in supply chain management, which is all about process improvements, about getting the foundation right, and I wish we’d spent more time improving the bus infrastructure, in making the train infrastructure more dense in downtown LA because downtown is the hub of public transit in southern California. We should be making it so good that you don't need a car in or around downtown and then start over time to expand it, whereas I feel like because the funding for LA Metro is countywide and we keep on building these trains to go farther and farther away. It already takes 20 minutes to get to Pasadena, it takes 40 minutes to get to Azusa, it takes 60 minutes to get from Claremont to Union Station on the trains because they’re all local, there's only one track in each direction, so there's no opportunity for express trains.

Rather than encouraging people to live further away because now they have this train that can get them there, I wish we would make the infrastructure denser in the center and then just slowly over time expand it out. That way, it facilitates the dense growth, it also facilitates just being completely car-free. I understand it's less equitable if you only spend [funding] in a certain area but the hub of the LA basin is in downtown LA, so that's where it all originates.

[fatrat66]

To Yukon and Back - Day 1

Drive: Fernie – McBride (745km)

So day 1 of my road trip to the Yukon. I got up at about 6am this morning, filled the car up and headed out of Fernie with the road to myself. I drove for about 2 hours and stopped for breakfast at Timmy’s at Invermere, before continuing for 6 more hours all the way to Jasper, which is where I filled up again.

Shortly after Jasper, heading north west towards Prince George I passed by a layby which Britt and me had stopped at 2 winters ago on our trip to Jasper. So everything from this point on is new territory for me. I haven’t been this far north in BC before. I’ve made it all the way to a little town called McBride, and I’m currently sitting on some grass in the town square next to an old bar hotel, a train station which is now the visitor centre, and a kids playground. All the way around us in the distance are foothills and mountains, some holding onto their little snowcaps. A freight train is currently rumbling past, which is a familiar sound to anyone who lives in the Rocky Mountains.

I stopped at Mt Robson visitor centre to ask about potential campsites for me to stay at. While I was in the queue, I remembered that it’s a long weekend, and every family for about two hundred miles seemed to be visiting this particular region. So the chances of me finding a place to stay were very remote. I explained my folly to the helpful park ranger working the desk, who turned out to be the slowest customer service man I have ever met. He was friendly and jolly in that way that old men sometimes can be when they have had the same job for many, many years and really like it. He had taken nearly 15 minutes to give the man in front of me his receipt. He suggested a few places to check out between there and Prince George, where I was hoping to get to today but haven’t quite made it. Following his advice, I stopped at a small ranch which advertised RV camp sites, but after a quick stroll around, I saw no sign of life anywhere, and when I tried to call the help number posted on the window, I realised my phone had zero signal. So I guess I was successful in getting away from it all, at least. This made me smile.

Fortunately, the next place on Mr Slow-but-Helpful’s recommendations was open and had vacancy. A bored young girl on the front desk of the NV campsite sold me a cheap spot and I setup my tent amid a small cloud of mosquitos. I decided this wasn’t a good place to relax, so I went for a short drive to explore the area and that’s how I found myself here on McBride’s grassy common.

I’ve been reading my book in the sun for about half an hour, and intend to read some more in my tent later. I’m on book 1 of The Witcher series, if you’re interested. It’s great.

[thysurveys]

730.

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I’m fine. 2: What’s your dream pet? I don’t really have one.

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? This may sound lame, but I really enjoy a chic “smart casual” look. 4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Sims. Always has been, always will be. 5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: Kevin, my future and . . . I don’t know.

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? "May freak out unexpectedly.”  7: What is your Greek personality type (Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic)? I don’t know. 8: Are you ticklish? I am. 9: Are you allergic to anything? I am not. 10: What’s your sexuality? Heterosexual.  11: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? Cocoa more than any of the other two. Tea before coffee. 12: Are you a cat or dog person? I’ll say cats. 13: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? Merperson, if I had to choose? I don’t know. 14: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? I have plenty of. 15: How tall are you? 5′2″. 16: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? I don’t know if I would. 17: How much do you weigh? Next question. 18: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? I do. 19: Do you like space or the ocean more? They’re both fascinating.  20: Are you religious? No. 21: Pet peeves? I have misophonia, so. There you go. 22: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal (opposite of nocturnal)? Diurnal. My anxiety is at its worse at night. 23: Favorite constellation? Aries, only because it’s my star sign?  24: Favorite star? The sun? I don’t really have a favourite star though it would be interesting to have one other than the “sun” lol. 25: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? I don’t really care for them? 26: Any phobias or fears? The unknown. I also have Trypophobia, feeling out of control of my own body and death.  27: Do you think global warming is real? Yeah. 28: Do you believe in reincarnation? I don’t know if I do or if I don’t, though I have watched interesting documentaries on reincarnation. Story time: my dad once told me when he was younger, my Pop and Nan were in the car with my dad, and they were driving to a place they hadn’t been to before and they were lost. My dad said to my Pop (who was driving) to turn at the end of the street and there’d be a bridge. They did, and there was a bridge. My dad knew the place, but he had never been there before in his entire life, so. I don’t know. It’s kind of crazy. 29: Favorite movie? I never know. I have way too many. 30: Do you get scared easily? Yeah, definitely. 31: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? I have had plenty of “family” pets growing up, but myself and Kevin have had two. A dog and a cat. 32: What is a color that calms you? Blue. 33: Where would you like to travel and/or live? America (which I am in March) and the UK. I mean, I would happily travel just about anywhere and everywhere given the opportunity.  34: Where were you born? Australia. 35: What is your eye color? Green. 36: Introvert or extrovert? Introvert, one-hundred percent. 37: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? No. 38: Hugs or kisses? Both. 39: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? I am with him right now, so no one. 40: Who is someone you love deeply? Kevin. 41: Any piercings you want? I’m okay for now. 42: Do you like tattoos and piercings? Yes, I do. 43: Do you smoke or have you ever done so? I was, once upon a time, a smoker. 44: Talk about your crush, if you have one! More than a crush. He’s my boyfriend. 45: What is a sound you really hate? I am not great with very “loud” sounds.  46: A sound you really love? Rain! I was actually talking about this the other night with Kevin. 47: Can you do a backflip? Nope. 48: Can you do the splits? Nope. 49: Favorite actor and/or actress? I really fancy Drew Barrymore. I don’t know why. I think she’s pretty badass. 50: Favorite book? Too many to choose from. 51: How are you feeling right now? Anxious. 52: What color would you like your hair to be right now? I need to recolour it again (I had a blonde balayage, but it’s quickly fading) 53: When did you feel happiest? I don’t know. I haven’t felt too “happy” recently. 54: Something that calms you down? Rain. 55: Have any mental disorders? Clinical depression, Depersonalisation Disorder, PTSD (though, this has subsided a lot), Social Anxiety, GAD. These are all diagnosed. I also think I have BPD (undiagnosied).  56: What does your URL mean? My survey Tumblr is self-explanatory, my main Tumblr is solefulness. And I don’t know. It’s inspired by the word “soulful”  57: What three words describe you the most? Creative, anxious and . . . I asked Kevin for help and he said “beautiful”, but you know. Lol. 58: Do you believe in evolution? I guess I do, yes. 59: What makes you unfollow a blog? They haven’t updated in forever or they say some stupid offensive bullshit (e.g. racism, classism, homophobia, etc.). < What they said. 60: What makes you follow a blog? Aesthetics? Lol 61: Favorite kind of person: An INFJ lol or similar. Basically, someone who has an advanced bout of empathy, understanding.  62: Favorite animal(s): Pandas and cats. 63: Name three of your favorite blogs. No, I can’t be bothered and I don’t even know if I do have a favourite right now. 64: Favorite emoticon: The “hang loose” emoticon was the first that came to mind, though I can’t say it’s my fave. Maybe a leaf (I am so lame) 65: Favorite meme: I use a lot of Full House memes. 66: What is your MBTI personality type? INFJ. < me too! 67: What is your star sign? Aries. 68: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? My dog’s dead and she never obeyed commands. She was way too hyper. < Literally my same answer.  69: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? A cardigan as of late. 70: Post a selfie or two? I ain’t ready for a face reveal.  71: Do you have platform shoes? Nope. 72: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I would say I am an INFJ considering they take up only one percent of the population, but you already know that. Let me ask Kevin. He said: “you were the first to graduate in your family. I think. I don’t know. Is that a good one?” 

There you have it, folks.  73: Can you do a front flip? No. 74: Do you like birds? No. I do not like birds. They freak me out. 75: Do you like to swim? I am not crazy about it. 76: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Swimming > ice skating any time. 77: Something you wish didn’t exist: Homophobia. 78: Some thing you wish did exist: Fifty large sacks of money right in front of me. > ngl. Me too. 79: Piercings you have? My ears. 80: Something you really enjoy doing: I like to watch a lot of YouTube and a lot of Netflix (or any film, really).  81: Favorite person to talk to: Kev. 82: What was your first impression of Tumblr? I don’t know. 83: How many followers do you have? Enough. 84: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? I asked Kevin and he laughed. So, I guess not. 85: Do your socks always match? I barely wear socks. 86: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? I can do. 87: What are your birthstones? Aquamarine.  88: If you were an animal, which one would you be? I don’t know tbh. A panda or a cat. Maybe a cat. 89: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? Good question. Um, a baby breath bc they’re small and simple. 90: A store you hate? I don’t know nor care. Maybe Gloria Jeans bc I once found out they don’t support gay marriage. 91: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? None. I can’t drink it without freaking out. 92: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Both scare me. Can I choose to read minds? 93: Do you like to wear camo? Not my style. 94: Winter or summer? I do love winter, but lately I’ve needed summer. 95: How long can you hold your breath for? I don’t know. 96: Least favorite person? Any evil dictator. < True. 97: Someone you look up to: Kevin at the moment. 98: A store you love? Kmart if I had to choose. Any homeware shop too.  99: Favorite type of shoes My Nike runners are my fave right now. 100: Where do you live? Aus. 101: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? No, just because I’m not. 102: What is your favorite mineral or gem? Never really thought about it. 103: Do you drink milk? I do sometimes. 104: Do you like bugs? I don’t hate them, but I don’t go out collecting them either. 105: Do you like spiders? I am not a great fan but again, I don’t collect them. 106: Something you get paranoid about? Every thing. 107: Can you draw?: No. Unfortunately not. 108: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? I don’t know. It’s funny because via a survey, I am open to any question. But if it’s someone face to face, or away from Tumblr, I freak out and think anything is a nosy question. 109: A question you hate being asked? "Why are you quiet?” Like, I don’t know? Maybe because I am. 110: Ever been bitten by a spider? No. 111: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? My favourtie. 112: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Sunny. 113: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: Kevin. 114: Favorite cloud type: A cumulonimbus cloud because they’re big and they look fluffy. 115: What color do you wish the sky was? Pink. You know, like when the sun sets? Or blue. Blue is calming to me. 116: Do you have freckles? I wish! 117: Favorite thing about a person: I think people in general are interesting so. 118: Fruits or vegetables? Fruits. 119: Something you want to do right now: Eat. 120: Is the ocean or sky prettier? The ocean. 121: Sweet or sour foods? Sweet. 122: Bright or dim lights? In between. 123: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? No. I don’t know. 124: Something you hate about Tumblr: I don’t really think about that to be honest. 125: Something you love about Tumblr: I find it relaxing. 126: What do you think about the least? I don’t know. 127: What would you want written on your tombstone? No idea. 128: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? No one. 129: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? Hm… Maybe how much I care about certain people/things. < Truth. 130: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? Rarely. 131: Computer or TV? Computer. 132: Do you like roller coasters? They’re alright. 133: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? Yeah, a bit. 134: Are your ears free or attached? I think they’re attached? What. 135: Do you believe in karma? Yes. 136: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? Mm, 3. 137: What nicknames do you have/have had? Many. 138: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? I did. 139: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? Yeah. 140: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Good. 141: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? Giving. 142: What makes you angry?: People can make me angry. 143: How many languages do you speak fluently? Just English. 144: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? Boys. 145: Are you androgynous? No. I don’t think I am, anyway.  146: Favorite physical thing about yourself: I don’t know. I don’t really have a lot to like about myself. 147: Favorite thing about your personality: My willingness to understand, respect and empathise.  148: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. No one in particular. My family, if anyone. 149: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? I don’t know. The 50s or 60s, maybe. 150: Do you like BuzzFeed? Yeah, I do. 151: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? Through friends, at a “gathering”. 152: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? No. I don’t. 153: Do you like to play with others’ hair? Not really. 154: What embarrasses you? Because I empathise a lot, I get secondhand embarrassment a lot too. So, there you go. 155: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: Every fucking thing. 156: Biggest lie you have ever told: I can’t think of anything right now. 157: How many people are you following? Not many. 158: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? This blog? 730 when I post this one. 159: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? None. 160: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? I don’t know. 161: Last time you cried and why: A few days ago. I don’t want to go into it. 162: Do you have long or short hair? Long-ish. 163: Longest your hair has ever been: Up to my bottom. 164: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion? I don’t really have an opinion at all, I guess. Um. I don’t know. I just don’t care nor think about it. 165: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? I mean. It would be interesting to know, but... I don’t care. 166: Do you like to wear makeup? Yes, I do. 167: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? No. 168: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? Yes, sir.