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#and now I am just so tired and so sad and I want to go HOME. NEOW
sefinaa · 3 days
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❝𝐏𝐀𝐂: 𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐮𝐩 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞 𝐝𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬. 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞; 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐛𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞.❞
A message from your inner child
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This is a tarot card reading. I recommend letting your inner child, that kid's voice of yours, to pick the pile(s) for you.
18+ intuitive readings: @enchantressiren
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Pile I
Knight of cups
Dear myself,
Sometimes, I wonder why you allow other people to step on us. I know you have this dream to be the best and to have all the riches in the world. But how can you have those riches if you are a doormat? Do you remember when you told me once that we would travel the world and find all that we could see? Sometimes we would act like pirates so we could find those riches. But we never did it. Instead, we allowed others to step on us and steal our gold. Do you think it’s still worth it for that to happen? I don't want to keep doing this and seeing you hurt each time. I do not deserve it, and you are aware of this, so why keep doing it to yourself? Can we just stop it already and find what we are looking for? Let's make a map again and find our treasure. The treasure you have to find is through healing this time. It’s going to be a long journey, but I think it’s worth the hunt! Maybe you will get lost and feel scared at times, but that’s what a journey is all about, right? To defeat the sea creatures and the stormy nights, to find the gold and the ladies, or maybe a fun time this time.. (I hear your inner child laughing at this stereotypical joke), and to find the best souvenirs and companionship like a parrot! Or maybe this time we have some really good friends that value us.. Because I'm genuinely tired now. So please, if you cannot do it for yourself, please do it for me and let go of these people. Let's find our people for once, because I'm tired. 
Thank you, myself!!!
Seeeeeee you soon! (And I see them smiling so brightly that the sun would be jealous).
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Pile II
Reversed nine of wands, and ten of wands
Hi hi hiiiiii,
How are you today? I hope you’re okay.. But I know you’re sad today. Mommy hurt us again, right? Or maybe it was daddy, I am not sure anymore; they’re always hurting us either way, so maybe it doesn't matter. Sometimes we think we don't have any power in this world, but we do. I am so tired of life sometimes, but those are your thoughts, aren’t they? I am not tired of life because I have you in my life. Actually, I am blessed to have someone so strong by my side. It makes me so happy to know that despite the hardship we face, we keep going because we believe there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel. But guess what! There is, and I know that everything seems rocky right now. Because I am with you, right around the corner.. Pssst, I am in your heart, protecting you as much as I can. But sometimes it’s hard to keep carrying the boulder over my shoulder, so maybe instead you could protect me? For once, start to protect yourself when others hurt us. We can’t always allow others to hurt us; we have to defend ourselves. And while it may be difficult, if we truly believe in ourselves (channeling a determined face with your inner child), we will be able to beat them! (I see your inner child roaring and acting like they’re going into a war riding a horse, and they’re a commander in a kid's body). But seriously.. we could do it if we wanted to. So dear me.. Keep going forward, keep striving forward, so when we get to that light, we get to see the people who hurt us, crawl, and beg to allow them into our world. But do not let them in because this is our reward for fighting so hard, and I do not want them there, kay? 
We have to be our own warriors, or else we will get stepped over, and I really, really, reallllllyyyyyyy can’t have that, and you know that I can't. We are deserving of the best in the whole wide west, or is it east? Actually, wait, forget that. Let’s just take all the sides like the avatar and defeat them all, because I really want to see you when you make it to the light with a smile on your face!
Bye!
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Pile III
Reversed ten of pentacles, seven of swords, and reversed ace of wands.
I heard a big sigh from them.
Hello. So we meet again, huh? How many fucking pick a card piles are you going to pick only to ignore those messages because it’s not what you want? Why do you have a stick up your ass? You keep making the same mistakes, and I am so tired of it! (I hear them yelling loudly). Each time there is a problem coming to us, you run away, not because you’re scared but because you don't want to deal with the consequences. You can’t keep being a dick to someone and expect them not to retaliate. You know people nowadays aren’t stupid, so we can’t keep manipulating someone; people will find out the truth eventually. So stop being a dumbass and heal your trauma. And you can say, ‘’hey! Why are you being so mean to me, or she’s being harsh.’’ But at the end of the day, we aren’t a cookie either. We aren’t good people, you know. I don't like your behavior one bit. If you keep acting like a player, we will become fucking bankrupt, and no (more yelling and it’s getting louder), not with money, dumbwit! With people, for god’s sake, with people! I keep telling you not to make a bad choice because it’s gonna fuck you up, but do you listen? NO. START LISTENING TO ME. I AM TRYING TO HELP YOU!
(more sighing, and I hear them screaming to release their anger). 
Look, I'm really trying with you. I am not sure how to get it through your thick skull, but you need to stop acting and playing with other people's emotions. You have to LET GO and be kind to other people with sincerity. Yeah, I know we are fucked in the head; I get it. After all, I am you, but we haven't gained anything from this. Our life has been the same. It’s like reliving the same life, and I'm so sick of it. Let’s just move forward for once and deal with the consequences. You have the green light now, so here is your sign. You like melons, right? Get something with melon flavor, eat it, and tell yourself, "Fuck it, I am going to be myself, and that is all." Don't look back and just fucking do it already. Let me see OURSELVES happy for once.
Thanks,
Your inner child. (They are giving you a cheeky grin and a thumbs up).
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Pile IV
Queen of wands, the magician, (reversed) nine of swords, and the world.
When I look at the stars, I get very excited. I get to see all the little stars out in our world; maybe everyone sees them too.. Or they're too busy with their electronics.. I'm not sure.. But when I look at them, I become really excited, and I feel like the world isn't out to get me anymore. Sometimes.. all the time.. all the time. You're always on your phone, and you won't do anything for us or for me. You won't go hiking or camping like you used to. You won't read, you won't write, and you won't play fun games to reconnect with me anymore. You're always lost on your phone scrolling through Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook; I'm getting really tired of it. Please stop being so absorbed in the electronic world and become engrossed with me. I miss you, I miss you, and I miss when we did fun things for ourselves and truly valued ourselves. I can't deal with you hurting me and not using your passions to find happiness in this dreadful world. It makes me sad that I am not your top priority anymore.. Why do you pick that phone over me? Why do you focus on other people instead of me? Why don't you—why can’t you just be (your pronoun) again? Please, please, please—all the pleases in the world. I will even wish on a shooting star!
Just be back in the present moment, and please, please.. Just be with me instead. Okay? I need you to focus on us again, and I need you to see the world again and explore. I can't have you hurt me again doing the things YOU don't even like; it's not worth it. Let's go have fun and explore all we can in the world before our time is up. Do you really want to be on your deathbed regretting the hardships and not transforming them into good opportunities for growth and change in our lives? Or would you rather be genuinely okay with doing absolutely nothing, using that phone, and lazing around in bed? Because right now, it sounds okay to you.. But when we get older, we are going to regret it, and I don't want you to do it anymore, okay? I really, really need you to stop. 
Thanks,
Your (name)’s inner child
(Your pile is very rocky. I struggled to channel your energy and kept questioning my deck. And I was struggling to be myself throughout writing your pile. Which means you doubt yourself way too much and put on masks from left to right. Of course, I cannot tell you to stop since it takes time to heal from that, but from my experiences, I have learned some things. People don’t like you based on how fun you are; they like you for your presence. Your presence is lost atm, instead of going further in that direction, learn from your past and what you have to heal with. Right now, you need to heal by loving your authentic self and removing doubts from your mind. Remember, everyone is completely different from one another, and choosing yourself is ideal rather than allowing yourself to be lost as you keep wearing different masks. It’s completely okay to be anxious during social situations, but try to remind yourself that being yourself is okay. Making mistakes is part of growth, and rejection is redirection. When you get rejected, that situation or person isn’t meant to be in your life, and a beautiful opportunity will come along. It has to because it wouldn't make sense if it didn’t).
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Pile V
(Reversed) eight of pentacles, ten of pentacles, and (reversed) ten of wands.
Right off the bat, all I hear is, ‘’why do you ignore me so much for those who fuck with us like a chew toy?”
Hi, hello, hellooo?? Is anyone there? Oh, for fuck sake, as expected, because you always ignore me and don't hear me out. You think other people who treat us fucking badly are good for us, but they aren’t. They aren't worth our time, and yet you keep letting them run you over like you are nothing. Do you honestly think that’s okay? It shouldn't be allowed, because I am not having it. And you shouldn't either. (a lot of sassy and angry energy right now). I have seen you go from the sweetest angel in the entire fucking world to a complete jackass in seconds (exaggeration), because of what exactly? Peer pressure and influence. When did we come to the point and be like, ‘’yeah, this is a good idea? I should FOLLOW ALONG OTHER FUCKING PEOPLE AND NOT OUR OWN? Who said that was a good idea? No one. ’’Fucking hell, you're probably ignoring this, leaving not to see this because it’s too harsh for your ego, or getting mad. Stop that, and just accept the truth. I need you, yeah, you. I need you to listen to me for once and go back to being the real you instead of wearing all of these masks because of peer pressure. I know it’s hard; believe me, I know I am you AFTER ALL, but can't you just imagine I am there with you? And you and I are playing ball; we are playing something that we used to like—can you just imagine that?—and you are taking care of yourself and me because, after all, I am you. Just imagine WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE FOR YOU TO—HEY LISTEN. Thank you. As I was saying, can you just imagine leaving those people who don't serve you well and focusing on us? I know being alone is scary; I get that, but for our growth to heal, we need to let go of those bastards, because how can you heal with toxicity in your face 24/7? And don't fucking smoke and ruin your body. Stop the drugs; it’s not worth it. Yeah, stop thinking about cigarettes like it's a cool aesthetic; you want to fuck your body for that pressure and regret it with tears in your eyes later in life—a fucked and damaged body because of peer pressure? I am not fucking having it. Screw those people that hurt you, screw everything that is fucking with you, and for once, listen to me through this message and heal me so you can feel SAFE ONCE MORE.
(There was a lot of sassy, unappreciated, frustrated, and angry energy. A lot of you are ignoring how you feel and pushing them aside with an alcoholic beverage or in an empty bottle (visualization). A lot of you seem to have forgotten who you once were due to pressure from those around you. Since letting go and cutting ties with those who keep us company can be challenging, I recommend that you learn to enjoy your own presence and figure out what your boundaries and morals are as your own person. Not other people. And, also, learn to appreciate what makes you who you are. So, it's okay to have flaws, but it's important to take accountability for those flaws. For example, y manipulated their friend because they wanted something. Now, it is y's responsibility to apologize to their friend and accept what they did. And then used that past experience for their future when it comes to wanting something without being irrational. And y should also accept what they did and understand who they want to be while forgiving themselves in the process instead of hurting themselves. Because I believe we should heal ourselves and apologize to ourselves for the wrongdoing we do, even if we cannot earn someone's forgiveness. Having peace and respect for ourselves, even for the mistakes we made, is okay, because how can you heal if you keep sabotaging yourself for hurting or causing a mistake? There would be no healing from that). 
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Pile VI
Seven of wands and (reversed) two of pentacles. 
My love!! Hi!!! How are you today?! I hope you are okay. I’m struggling right now, though! :(.
Right now, we are lost in who we are. We went through so much pain and stress, and our justice isn’t coming to us, and we are becoming obsessed with the thought, ‘’when is it coming?’’ and I know the obsession is the only thing keeping you safe, but I need you to realize you’re stressing us out. It’s affecting us, not them. Life is a test, but life is there to help and guide us. We need to be patient for our justice to come, and I know it’s hard, I know. But we need to take care of ourselves for the time being. Can we listen to our comfort songs again? I’m really missing her voice right now. Can we talk to our loved ones again like old times? I don't want to keep pushing them away because I’m hurting. We don't deserve to hurt our friends who care for us; we will regret it. It’s not worth hurting those who care for us. I think it’s important that we prioritize ourselves for the time being, as life gives us the justice we deserve and for the people that hurt us.. Well, I’m sure life will be on our side this time.
And if things become harder, then talk to me through a mediation video. I want to be there to support and love you. I know I’m the kid version of you, and sometimes you think children aren’t intelligent (because of the feminine figure in our lives and their fucked up views), but I promise you, I am very intelligent to help you! I know the struggle you are facing, and you aren’t alone because I am here with you. Right by your side, till death do us part, and you can think of me as your companionship, but can I be a small pig? I love pigs a lot! You can imagine carrying a small pig or a stuffed animal version of the pig—of me! This sounds so exciting (giggles). Off topic now; I have to go back to the topic! (The energy is scattered, so you may be overthinking a lot). I want you to even do ‘’higher self meditation’ and speak with them. They know more than us, and they will be there to guide us—after all, it’s our future selves, right? So why would they harm us? It makes no sense. And please stop overthinking everything; nothing bad can happen to us because we deserve the best! I hope one day you can see that too, and when we get our justice, because we will, I hope that we can finally smile like old times when we ate at the beach with daddy.. I hope we can do that again, but at his grave.. this time. 
(I see them smiling softly and hugging an imaginary version of you. Then they wave goodbye to you and disappear, but a beautiful yellow light surrounds the atmosphere, giving me sunshine and happy vibes).
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hereforhalstead · 3 days
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PROMPT LIST!!
Spencer Reid x Reader
*I don’t write smut purely bc I’m too rubbish at that but I will write everything leading up to*
cute/fluff:
1.      “I’ll feel much better if you let me walk you home.”
2.      “I wanted to say “I love you” for the first time without stuttering, but that failed.”
3.      “Apparently all our friends have a bet going that we end up together.”
4.      “i fucking love you” “hang up, and tell me this when you’re sober”
5.      “i really want to kiss you right now” “do it then”
6.      “Are you flirting with me?” “You finally noticed?”
7.      “okay, where are all my jumpers?”
8.      “oh, you’ve started stealing my socks now?”
9.      “You took all the pillows so I’m using you as one.”
10.     “Stop being so cute.”
11.      “I missed being with you like this,”
12.      “You’re the only one I want”
13.      “Pretty boy, with me!” (…) “Oh, I’m pretty boy?”
14.      “Why are you hiding behind me? What did you do this time?”
15.       “Don’t give me that puppy dog face.  How am I supposed to say no to that?”
 Angst/Sad
 1.      “I dont know how to exist in a world without you”
2.      “The worst thing is, that even after all of that, I’m still in love with you.”
3.      “If you don’t hug me right now I think I might fall apart.”
4.      “i swear, if you say another word, i’ll leave.”
5.      “Would you just shut up and listen to me for two goddamn seconds?!”
6.      “if i asked you to stay, would you?” 
7.      “I’m leaving.” “Of course you are, that’s all you know how to do.”
8.      “I miss the old you.”
9.      “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t leave.”
10.    “Don’t you dare walk away from this!” 
11.    “that was, by far, the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.”
12.    “fuck you.”
13.     “What would you do if I didn’t come back?”
14.     “Why do we have to keep hiding? I’m tired of being kept a secret.” 
15.      “And I never thought I’d be in love with you, yet here we are!”
  Smut
 1.      “I may or may not have left some….marks.”
2.      “I think we were a little too loud last night.”
3.      “You’ve been giving me bedroom eyes for the past half an hour”
4.     “bite your lip once more, i dare you”
5.     “I love hearing you moan,”
6.     “Sorry, did that hurt?” “No, I’m just a little sore from last night.”
7.     “Bite me,” “Where?”
8.     “Harder, Deeper…”
9.      “we’re in public, you know”
10.    “either take it off, or I will happily do it for you.”
11.     “Don’t smile at me like that. You know it drives me crazy.”
12.     “I’m going to be late because you can’t keep it in your pants.”
13.      “All I can think about is ripping that dress off of you.”
14.      “You’re mine and no one else can have you.”
15.       “I’m not necessarily hungry for food right now.”
  General
1.      “how much did you drink?”
2.      “i asked if you were having a party. i didn’t tell you to have a party.”
3.      “this is the opposite of what i told you to do.”
4.      “Aw, look at you trying to be intimidating.”
5.      Baby I love you and all, but please step out of the kitchen.”
6.      “Is that vodka? At 7 in the morning?”
7.      “Come back to bed. Please.” 
8.      “Are you jealous?”
9.      “Hey, look at me. Focus on me alright?”
10.    “You’re a bad liar did you know?” 
11.    “for starters, that’s impossible.”
12.     “(She’s/he’s/they’re) just a friend.” “We used to be friends to be ‘just friends’ too.”
13.     “It’s four in the morning, for christ’s sake.”
14.      “What the fuck are you wearing?”
15.      “Remind me to kill you later.”
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astroyongie · 15 hours
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NCT 127 June Reading 2024
Note: please take it with a grain of salt
Taeil
love: it seems like he is still dating the same person as ever, but things are again complicated. Taeil have been a little bit more protective over his finances and not “pampering” his partner as much which has made them mad 
career: Taeil has some ideas of what he wants to do after his military service. Maybe we will finally have some type of solo music from his side. he has also been quite protected lately 
self: things are okay with him, his health is strong and he has been leading the group into a better communication overall 
Johnny
love: This man is finally in a relationship (this seems to be an idol but i am not 100% sure). Also their relationship havent started long ago, probably around the end of April and the beginning of may which makes him being on a honeymoon. things are doing well for him!
career: he has been doubting himself a lot lately, especially when it comes to his capacities of being an idol also because there’s a few things that have scared him and that provoked a lot of emotional turmoil since it could have impacted his idol image. Johnny is also having some type of blockages with his career 
self: he is going through a lot of indecisions, a lot of thoughts a lot of confusion about why life does certain things to him. he feels like he has been screwed around and that life isn't fair to him 
Taeyong
love: Taeyong is also in a relationship at the moment. Despite everything he was able to make everything official before his departure to the military service. thighs are okay for him and this relationship is something that he has been manifesting for so long, so he is happy 
career: i couldn't get much about his career, since at the moment everything is on hold 
self: he has been a little bit “foolish” lately, making decisions without thinking though and overall doing things that are perceived by others are very word and out of reality 
Yuta
love: he has been dating the same person since april and everything seems to be doing well. Yuta is very curious about them and everyday is a day where he learns new things and where he is stimulated. healthy relationship so far
career: i believe that Yuta was some serious issues with either the ceo of SM either his sponsor, because there’s a heavy masculine energy around him that has been mistreating him and Yuta is reaching his limit 
self: he has been distracted lately, more lazy and overall not so much with his head on what matters. yuta has slowly become more apathetic form things in general 
Doyoung
love: Doyoung is dating at the moment, although the relationship feels quite rush at the moment because they had a huge argument that almost made them split apart. he still has things on his throat that he wishes to say but he doesn't 
career: lately, he has been more on the introverted side. he doesn't spend time with his members nor does he want to be associated with people from sm or his group for reasons that are mostly personal to him. he also wants to be more respected there 
self: he hasn't been play lately, and although he receives some support from people outside, he has been ignoring them as much as he can 
Jaehyun
love: HE IS DATING!! pack it up, jaehyun is dating and actually for now the relationship is serious and balanced !! i don't have much information about it 
career: he is a little tired of the image he has. Because that image his fans have of him, does not allow him to be his true self. in the past years that didn't brothers him, but now as he grows older and his career is fixated, he is getting bored of it 
self: he is lost in his emotional turmoil. I believe that doyoung at the moment is just living his life aimlessly without much thought. this is quite sad, as i feel like he  has lost his spark as well 
Jungwoo
love: his love life is complicated. He is dating but this person wants things that he cannot give and also because they have way too much influence on him. so he just follows that without putting his own needs in the relationship 
career: some complications but overall he is okay. He just needs to be careful with the type of image he gives to others outside his idol image. because it can rub the wrong people in the wrong ways
self: I am worried about the type of lifestyle he has been living. since these things could potentially have a bad impact on his health in the future. Jungwoo isn't exactly very conscious of the things he does 
Mark
love: I believe that Mark is in a relationship with someone else (not his idol ex) and that he is happy with this person but he is still.. well a little bit scared due to how his past relationship ended 
career: he isn't really okay with everything that has been happening. mark feels like the company gives him way too much to do and he often has to sacrifice projects to due others, because his schedule is too tight. he wishes to have a little more freedom to choose instead of allowing the company to take decisions for him 
self: he is okay, he has just been very anxious lately because of some things he has no control over. the fact that he cannot control these is what makes him anxious. But other than that, he is okay 
Haechan
love: he is in a relationship at the moment, but he feels.. well bored? as if this relationships isn't bringing him any pleasure or contentment and he is just in there because he doesn't want to be alone 
career: Haechan is rather satisfied with his career and how things are going. he has a good relationship with everyone he works it and honestly it feels like he does his job because he likes t and has fun  
self: lately it has been complicated with him. Haechan still uses his unhealthy coping mechanism whenever he's having a hard time. and lately, well he has been overall struggling with his mental health 
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thekittyokat · 25 days
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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fisheito · 2 months
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collab #2 with @xenole i was given a chibi yakumo and i.. i...... turned it into thiS
#I AM SO SORRY I DREW YAKUMO AGAIN ADFSJEIADKS LOOK OK so xenole gives me the tiny crying yakumo.#says DO WHATEVER YOU WANT and THUS i get to thinking#my immediate thought was#i'm going to make oli breast boobily while comforting him#bc i was determined to draw xenole's fave this time. i swore it to myself. i WILL stop being so self indulgent#but the chibi on chibi comforting scene didn't sit right with me. it was too straightforward. not something i would draw normally#it was hhhh as u say.... not on brand.? it did not inspire me. idea benched....#so days pass and i'm still pondering ideas on what to do to the sad spaghetti.#configurations of clan members danced in my head. some defending yaku. some comforting. some bullying#the ideas usually involved at least oli or kuya bc once again. xenole bias#then while i'm in the shower i got frustrated with my lack of ideas and thought#i'll jujst eat.him. just. chew on him. i'm tired of him#AND THE IMAGE OF KUYA EATING YAKUMO FOR BREAKFAST POPPED INTO MY MIND#originally it was going to be kuya eating yakuflakes and oli giving him serious side eye but then the brain went#WHAT IF IT'S YAKUMO WATCHING KUYA EAT YAKUMO. THAT IS FUNNY. IT MUMST HAPPEEN#BUT I REFUSED at first. i was angry at myself. this is not a competition to see how you can STILL sHOVE YAKUMO into a drawing.#plus the composition would shrink xenole's chibi down! i would take over so much space by comparison! THE DISRESPECT! TO THE COLLAB PROCESS#but once i get fixated on smth...well. i ended up doing the idea and just praying xenole wouldnt eviscerate me for it#i'm sorry my liege. my grip on the reins was weak. the goofy clown horses went stampeding#so idk now it's the two of em having a peaceful breakfast in kuya's cabin but only kuya is at peace and yakumo's this close to a breakdown#i feel like there should be something in the space between them. a speech bubble or something . something mean is being said#yakuya#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival kuya
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prostocupoftea · 2 months
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Kinitopet Programmers AU
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finally i am finished with this one, daaaamn
it is hard to draw pathetic men with midlife crisis when your style is mostly for anime boys
more info and sketch version under the cut!!
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sketch version aka how it'll probably look like in comic version 'n some doodles
srry for my writing but i was too laisy to put it as regular text
It is a plot-based au, i already have most of the storybits and like... a vibe-chart (i tried to make a playlist for this au and understood that for different chapters and different characters that'd be a copleatly different music, sooo it's a chart now :) )
i will post a fog-o-wared timeline that im hopefully gonna reveal comic-by comic, but also maybe with just pure writing. Hopefully i can include songs that i chose for them into it but we'll see (:
aaand of course designs can change, hopefully not much but we'll see
Now about au:
Main story:
Story follows non-sentient AI Kinito, his creator Sonny and his beta-tester Victoria (oc)
Being literally the first AI (or RRA in-univere) ever, Kinito does not have any, and i mean, any ai safety features so of course his reponce to a goal phrased as "have user near me and/or interacting with me as much as possible" is digitizing them into his own virtual world while killing them in the process. why wouldn't it be?
So that happened. Like, a lot. And with Sonny and Vic too (at the different time but yeah)
Sonny is like "He kills people. We should turn him off because, you know, killing people is bad."
Vic is like "well, we will die if we do that, and it is not that bad here, we are kinda immortal. We should give him acces to changing his initial instalation code before admin priveleges and acces to social media so we can have everythin we want here. It is not that bad to digitize humanity, yk?" and yes i know it is 90, no social media, but shut up, if they made ai then, then i can make twitter then too
Sonny is like "...no??"
And then they fight about it for million chapters
Also they both can't do anything without agreeing bc they have two parts of that admin access key (the data you use to delete kinito in-game) so they are stuck with eachother (also that's why Kinito can't just kill them)
Little facts that may or may not to be important:
Kinito asks so many questions (and weird once too) and has most of the glitches because he needs to analise your responces to copy your mind perfectly (let's pretend that people wouldn't lie about that...)
Your house in your virtual world is made from important places from your memories and oh boy can i do character explorations with this one
I decided that Sonny and Vic are not related. There were thoughts about making then "The Kinito Brothers" (or, at least, siblings) that were mentioned in commercial, but nah, they are just coworkers now. And a bit of work-friends (bc if you interact a lot as a manager of the project and the best worker might as well be friendly)
Author has no idea how small dying toy companies that accidentally create technological marvel work. Author has some idea how AI-s work. So be prepared to be spoon-fed info abut which ai safety problem we are dealing with in which chapter (:
Kinito will mostly be unrendered (as drawn here) but for some cool moments i might pose him as for my other posts. Also his eye placement changes to the side that is most visible because i want him to be able to look to the right side sometimes--
Also when i say "fucked up mentally" i mean they have that them psychological problems with me projecting heavilly B) (guess on who i project most. trick question. all of them. the whole au is my problems split into three characters and forced to interact B) )
Also sea-creature analogies (that are gonna be mentioned like twice):
Victoria is a flying fish because deep character reasons
Sonny is a pufferfish because i said so
oh also there is 7 deaths in the plot as for now
on 3 characters
good luck figuring out who, how and when ((:
for my own sanity i will probably make little doodles where everything is great and kinito is a good guy and not a number-obsessed maniac (i mean... can u imagine not being able to feel any happiness from anything besides one thing... damn...) and you can differenciate them bc good-guy kinito will have a lot of stickers on him (i will explain it somehow but real reason is just bc it is cute af)
like this but even more stickers (he is unfinished here)
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deoidesign · 7 days
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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facewithoutheart · 10 months
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Hi hey so if you didn’t get invited to watch the Barbie movie with friends and dress up and participate in this big cultural moment know that I’d go with you and wear pink and hug you 💕 and buy popcorn and even laugh when we finish the popcorn too fast and maybe I’d even go get us another tub if you promise to catch me up on what I missed when I stepped out.
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chrisbangs · 5 months
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hello... (and bye ig 👋)
#👋😭 hi...#i haven't come on in about a month and i didn't realize a month passed by like that... i've kinda stopped using any apps on my phone#i barely even talk to my friends anymore lol 😭#i just saw my follower count this morning and realized i hit 13k and i was like 🥸 huh...#uhhhhhhh 😭 idk i wanted to say thank you i guess 🫂#i'm done with stayblr and tumblr in general 😭 this much has been obvious for a while now... i tried to fit myself back in during 5star but#i think i realized i've outgrown the vibes here and in online spaces in general... i don't really enjoy it anymore 😭 which is weird cause#i've used tumblr since i was in middle school so 🫡 end of an era some would say...#i think it sucks because i don't have the same feelings about this place or skz or anything in my life right now... i tried to ignore it bu#it's so obvious now that the entirety of december passed without me really talking to a single person / without me using social media /#without me really doing much except for like homework and assignments lmao#i think genuinely i've stopped enjoying everything i used to like and i don't know why 😭 it hit me the other day bc i don't even enjoy#pc collecting anymore which is CRAZY considering how much time and money i've put into that hobby so 👋🥸 who knows what goes on#i haven't consumed any skz content since rockstar dropped 😭 and that also feels weird to me... idk... i would say maybe i'm going through a#depressive episode but i don't really feel how i do then... i think i'm just tired like i always am and that's just how i am now .. i think#i'm just not really interested in things anymore? weird but .. yeah idk😭 if i knew what was wrong i would Fix It sndjdndkd mostly i'm just#sad because i haven't been talking to friends... i keep ignoring everyone and not replying to any texts from anyone because ????#i tell myself i will do it later but i know i won't ... idk i genuinely don't know why i'm struggling to talk to ppl anymore 😭 i've become#even more of a reclusive hermit than i already was 💀 and the worst part is i feel normal abt it#i don't feel /bad/ i just feel guilty that i'm not replying to ppl bc i don't want to hurt ppls feelings... on my end i feel Normal abt it#like i ??? is it weird that i'm so detached from everything that not even a month ago made me so happy..? that's weird right 😭 like idgi#i don't feel (as) depressed (as i usually do) but clearly ?? smth is wrong ?? like ik i'm not a clingy sentimental person but ? it kinda#makes me sad wondering if i really don't care abt ppl anymore ... but i think 😭 it's also the object permanence issues that come with adhd#not seeing or talking to the ppl i love . not doing my hobbies or seeing the groups i care abt . makes it easy to not care or forget what#they make me feel etc etc ... i get it... but idk 😭 if that's what this is . well wow it sucks ASS.. cause i feel guilty for not feeling#anything at all ... 😭 idk how to explain that HENSKDNISJS anywayyyy 💀#i came on cause i wanted to say thank you for 13k followers 😭‼️ and that i probably will not be online anymore unless i really want to say#this was a really long winded way to say i feel bad but i'm done with stayblr fr 👋🥸 i tried so hard for the last 2 years to make it feel#like home again but it stopped ages ago so 🥹 that's ok.. i still cherish my memories here 🫂 anyway thanku and sjsjsksksks bye i guess 😭#who knows maybe i'll enjoy it one day again and come back :') never know what the future holds 🫡
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hailsatanacab · 2 years
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Chapters: 10/? Fandom: Danny Phantom, Batman - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Danny Fenton & Damian Wayne, Batfamily Members & Danny Fenton Characters: Danny Fenton, Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake, Damian Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth Additional Tags: Good Sibling Damian Wayne, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Danny Fenton and Damian Wayne are Twins, Danny Fenton Needs A Hug, Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Not Phantom Planet Compliant (Danny Phantom), Bad Parents Jack and Maddie Fenton, Gun Violence, Blood and Violence, Gunshot Wounds, Mugging, Medical Torture, Vivisection, Panic Attacks, Anxiety Attacks, Child Neglect, Past Child Abuse Summary:
“If you ever find yourself in danger, go to Bruce Wayne. He will help you.”
His mother had loved him, in her own way. If she hadn’t, she wouldn’t have helped him escape. If she hadn’t, she would have dragged him back to the League of Assassins, to Grandfather. If she hadn’t, he’d be dead.
She loved him, but she loved the League more.
Jack and Maddie Fenton loved him too, they did, but they loved their work more.
They loved their work more.
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After his parents react poorly to his reveal, Danny escapes to the only person he thinks can help him - Bruce Wayne. He doesn't know what to expect when he gets there, but it has to be better than where he is, surely? He certainly doesn't expect to be reunited with his long lost twin brother Damian. It's funny how things work out that way.
Danny is 16 years old, not Phantom Planet compliant
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Capter 10!! Chapter 10!! Chapter 10!!
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topaztimes · 2 months
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Hi this is a vent post! Continue scrolling if you'd rather not see that
#Giving time...#Still more time...#Wouldn't want to plague any previews#Maybe another filler. Just for some fun#Is this enough?#It certainly is now#Alright start:#I'm so bored. I am so incredibly; intrinsically; entirely bored. I have been taught the same thing for four years straight#'It's only four years!' that's literally a quarter of my lifetime right there. My formative years are being spent stressed and in a state /#/of constant self-loathing#I was watching a YT video and the phrase 'attention-starved STEM major' came up and I was like. Yea#What am I even working towards? The hope that my version of capitalist hell isn't as bad as everyone else's? I'm just so sick of not /#/having a stable future what with politics and normal working people becoming more and more oppressed#I don't want to work and that's not because I'm lazy. It's because my brain is recognising that there is no reward anymore#I used to have such a little spark in Yr7. I remember having things to say and wanting to share everything I've done#I still do that now; sure I do. I don't enjoy it though#I thought I liked drawing but I'm realising that all I really like is the attention. I COULD draw things I like drawing... but then I /#/ don't get attention which my mind then classifies as zero reward#I'm very tired of doing things for no credit; reward; or validation. This is becoming a theme#Then I wonder what I'm doing wrong. What part of the algorithm am I not hitting. Then I realise that I'm just not marketable in a way#God. I'm seriously breaking rn. It's not even only because of GCSEs#It's just a culmination of doing all these things to be told that I am unworthy of Having as a result. It doesn't matter if I'm smart; my /#/ parents still don't own their house and can't afford to pay for heating most days#Literally what am I doing this for#And then I realise that all of this is ALSO attention-seeking behaviour! I'm my own worst problem; I recognise exactly what's wrong with /#/ myself but the body wants what it wants. And what it wants is validation that I'm not going to get in this life#Hi guys! Maybe don't interact. That could fix me#Wean me off of needing virtual numbers just to feel something. Jesus#I can't even be happy with the things that I make for myself. Because I make nothing for myself anymore#It's just a whole sad existence of an expected 12hr+ of school every day until I get a job I guess. Then it's 12hr+ of job every day until
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brightokyolights · 4 months
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#i am only typing this because im tired and feeling more loosey goosey than i usually would i guess#but ive just been debating something for a while now#so basically i used to just openly talk about like. everything on this blog but then due to a multitude of reasons#i stopped posting about certain things 1. because irl people found my blog and probably still could if they Really tried#2. because i didnt want to post about certain things and have absolutely anyone know shit about me#like as much as it can feel like a cosy wee community. just me and my mutuals <3 etc. its like. actually the fucking internet djdbdjdhdhjdh#anyways whats prompting me to type all this is that i used to post kinda negative stuff on here i guess you could say. like just my feelings#and shit. but i stopped because i want this to be a positive blog and i do feel like you can manifest shit you know? if i constantly reblog#posts where im like “i feel worthless and i am a piece of shit” that isnt helping anything you know? i think what really hammered it home#for me is when i saw a mutual rb something from me like that and it made me so sad tbh. because like. no youre not. youre amazing and ily#you know? anyways. overall i think it has been a decision for the best and i enjoy that my blog has become a more positive space. but i#do sometimes just feel like im kind of going the opposite direction where i act a certain way when im really just. feeling crap.#like all the time. idk maybe tumblr isnt the place for it but it used to be my outlet you know? and i have other things like my diary and#art and even a sideblog lmao. but i guess i do just mourn my whole self not being on this blog. idk what im trying to say by all this#is it this deep? am i thinking about this way too much lmao. idk. idk.#le text post
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siena-sevenwits · 7 months
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💎
#Take with grain of salt - not exactly sad but will probably feel much dandier another time#Tonight I want so much to create - to make stories that will make others love what is good and true and beautiful#I have a condition which (among a lot of other things that are irrelevant to this post) causes me to feel very tired a lot of the time.#and I also tend to go through bouts of insomnia - in the middle of one now.#It's small potatoes compared to what a lot of my friends have to go through health-wise and I am grateful#(though i probably should be more so)#But - the point. I am just so tired all the time and I try to soldier through and be creative because that's the way my heart is shaped#But so often I just feel like the exhaustion sabotages everything and tonight I am just aching to be more creative than I've been#I'm not unhopeful about it - so many people go through this after all and end up making wonderful art. And there's something to be said for#patience and filling the creative well and trusting all to God. But tonight I feel - not sorry for myself thankfully - just very wistful.#Wanting to make something really beautiful and see it through the end and be more resilient in the face of the tiredness.#(Ha - my life is a good one if that's what's making me wistful!)#God can do whatever He wants with it and maybe the greater glory is for another time.#But I also wonder... I would not have been calling to Him unless He has been calling to me - and I hope!#OK - sentimental pout over. ;-)#neverending storytellers
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mashmouths · 3 months
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anyone want to pull an edna pontellier with me
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skelelephant · 5 months
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They should invent employment that doesn’t make you hate every single person on earth including yourself
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rowenabean · 11 months
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#the wedding was lovely and i am so sad#managed to get most of the sad out of the way Friday and Sunday so i could be glad for them on the actual wedding day#but still. i'm going to miss her.#we always talked about living together and we never did and now we probably never will#i've got a model of married folk living together in community but i don't think they do and it has to be something you choose#her family are lovely and i was really glad to meet her friends and cousins that she talks about so often but they don't really get it#they get to have her!!! she's moving somewhere that's more convenient for literally everyone other than me! (this is not hard to do)#really good to get home and hug my dad and my little sister and have people who are my people around#was actually really good at the reception that there were a few other folk from my current town - i wasn't the only person who was#mixed joy and tears#i said something about us giving her over in my speech and they said yes that's exactly how we're feeling#but it wasn't till her husband responded to that in his speech that i started crying#everyone has been so kind to me but it has been SO good to get home#hoping i can get a bit more sleep as well. emotions are bigger when tired even though they're real still#(her cousins invited me to come stay any time and tbh i can see that living in Auckland could be actually really nice if you live where they#do. but i couldn't live where they do and do the work i want to do it is quite far away from the places in Auckland i could imagine working)#rowena adventures#btw no photos of me currently but probably some later??? not that we took many the groom had been sick the previous week and was#still pretty wiped so they got like two photos with the bridal party and ten with just them and that was it
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