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#and now that there r few things to talk abt w her
faaun · 3 months
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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goldfades · 4 months
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★ YOU AND ME, WE'D BE A BIG CONVERSATION─── PB⁵ (part 1/3)
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❪ requested -> "paige x famous!reader (singer, actress, up to u) inspired by endgame by ts where p reveals that r is her celeb crush in an interview and a few days later theres a vid of r responding to it saying shes been obsessed w paige lately / its such a big deal bc r has been involved in a lot of romantic drama lately so everyone is kinda iffy abt her rn, causing her to put up a tough guard. but p sees thru the facade when they start talking and allows her to be herself, making r fall even harder 🥹 " ❫ for my disco nonnie!
─ warnings | gossip, a lot of drama and random ass names (sorry i get confused when i don't name them), mention of panic attacks, hurt to comfort, pretty sure nothing else?
⇨ missing out on updates? check out my wcbb masterlist!
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"Y/N L/N, ONE OF the biggest names right now in the music industry has found herself at the center of yet another romantic scandal involving her ex and now, reportedly a new lover."
The 22-year-old pop sensation, who recently topped the charts with her latest single, was spotted last night leaving an upscale Los Angeles restaurant with actress and heartthrob, Camilla Harrison. The two were seen getting into the same car, sparking rumors of a budding romance.
This sighting comes just weeks after Y/N's highly publicized breakup with fellow musician Lauren Marie, with whom she had a tumultuous on-again, off-again relationship for over two years. The split was reportedly mutual, with both parties citing busy schedules and the pressures of their careers as contributing factors. However, sources close to the couple suggest that Marie was unhappy about Y/N's close friendship with Harrison, which began on the set of her recent music video where Marie made a cameo appearance.
"Y/N and Cam have undeniable chemistry," says an insider. "They've been spending a lot of time together, and it's more than just a professional connection. They're trying to keep things low-key, but it's clear there's something more than friendship between them."
Despite the drama, Y/N continues to thrive professionally. Her upcoming album set to release in the next couple month, is already generating significant buzz. Critics are calling it her most mature work yet, with deeply personal lyrics that reflect her recent experiences.
Meanwhile, Harrison, 26, known for her roles in blockbuster films and her good looks, has remained tight-lipped about the rumors. Her publicist declined to comment, stating that Marie is concentrating on her upcoming film projects.
──
"Okay, next question," the reporter smiled as she scrolled through her phone as Paige gave a tight-lipped smile toward the camera. "Oh! Found a good one, okay. Who is your celebrity crush right now."
"That's easy!" Paige laughed as she glanced toward the reporter. "Y/N L/N, she's beautiful and insanely talented,"
The room filled with laughter as the reporter raised an eyebrow, clearly delighted by the response. "Y/N L/N, huh? That's a popular choice these days, a lot of people are big fans. Have you met her?"
Paige shook her head, her cheeks slightly flushing. "Nah, I wish. But I'm a huge fan of her music. Every song is a masterpiece and I'm not usually into pop,"
"Interesting," the reporter leaned forward, intrigued. "You know, there are rumors about Y/N's love life all the time. How do you feel about all the speculation surrounding her personal life?"
Paige shrugged, maintaining her relaxed demeanor despite the stupid question. "I think it's tough being in the spotlight like that. People forget that celebrities are human too. Everyone deserves a bit of privacy, I'm more interested in her work and what she brings to the music industry rather than whoever she's dating."
The reporter nodded, appreciating Paige's perspective. "Absolutely. It's refreshing to hear someone focus on the artistry rather than the gossip!"
──
"Okay, quick. Who's your celeb crush right now, other than Cam," Bowen Yang, grinned at you, raising an eyebrow as the audience laughed, eagerly awaiting your response.
You laugh (and decide to ignore the comment about Cam), feeling a slight blush creep up your cheeks. "Oh, come on, Bowen, you can't put me on the spot like that!"
Bowen leaned in, his grin widening. "Come on, Y/N, the people want to know!" He pointed to the crowd as they cheered, causing you to put your face in yours hands.
You then take a deep breath, pretending to think hard. "Fine, if I have to choose... I'd say Paige Bueckers. She's incredible on the court, and I've seen some interviews with her ─ she seems like such a cool person."
The audience erupts with loud cheers, causing both you and Bowen to laugh. Bowen's eyes widen, clearly delighted by your answer as he clapped. "Ooh, scandalous! Paige Bueckers, I love that! Have you met her?"
You shake your head, smiling. "No, not yet. But I did see a clip of her saying some really nice things about me recently. It was super sweet."
Bowen's face lights up with excitement. "She was practically gushing over you, this is perfect, we need to make this happen. Maybe you could collab, I don't know how but uh, if anyone could make it happen, it's you."
"Thank you, I think?" You laugh, nodding. "Totally, we'll see what happens."
Bowen turns to the camera, his enthusiasm infectious. "You heard it here first, folks! Y/N and Paige Bueckers, the crossover we never knew we needed but now desperately want!"
The audience erupts in applause and cheers, and you can't help but smile at the idea. Bowen turns back to you, his tone shifting slightly more serious. "Alright, before we wrap up, I have to ask ─ how do you deal with all the attention and rumors about your personal life? It seems like you're constantly in the spotlight."
You take a moment to gather your thoughts, caught off guard by the serious question. "It's um, definitely challenging at times, but I try to focus on the positive aspects. I love making music and my fans. As for the rumors, I just remind myself that I can't control what people say or think. I stay true to myself and the people who really know me, and that's what matters most."
Bowen nods appreciatively. "Wise words, Y/N. And that's why we love you so. Thank you so much for being here tonight."
"Thank you for having me," you reply, genuinely touched by the support.
"And that's Y/N L/N!"
The crowd erupts in cheers as you genuinely smile, happy for the support, waving toward the audience.
──
"Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast I'm Lila, and today we've got a lot to talk about. Y/N L/N is at the center of yet another romantic scandal, and there's even a new twist involving basketball star Paige Bueckers. Let's dive in!" Lila said, her enthusiasm palpable.
"Yaya, so excited," Maya chimed in, adjusting her headphones. "So, Y/N was spotted last night leaving an upscale LA restaurant with actress Cam Harrison. They got into the same car, which has everyone buzzing about a possible new romance."
"Yeah, and this is just weeks after her very public breakup with Lauren, I think that's her name? It's been a whirlwind, to say the least. But honestly, I think Y/N is handling it all pretty well. She's focused on her music, and she's just living her life. What's your take, My?" Lila asked, leaning in slightly.
Maya sighed, her skepticism evident. "I don't know, Lila. I get that she's young and living her life or whatever, but it feels like there's always some new drama with her. First Lauren, now Cam Harrison? It's starting to look like a pattern."
"But that's thing, with being in your early twenties. Figuring out what you want, who you want to be with? I mean, she's also incredibly talented and driven. Her new album is generating a ton of buzz and it hasn't even been released yet," Lila countered, her voice full of admiration.
"Sure, but it seems like she's always entangled in some romantic drama. Maybe it's just the nature of fame or whatever, but it can also come off as messy. And now, with Paige Bueckers gushing about her in that interview, it adds another layer. I just hope she’s not stringing people along," Maya replied, her tone annoyed.
Lila nodded, annoyed at Maya's words but maintaining her supportive stance. "I get where you're coming from, but did you see Paige's reaction? She was genuinely excited about Y/N. It was sweet. Plus, Y/N responded so positively on the SNL interview. I think it shows she's got a good heart and she's just navigating her way through a complicated life!"
Maya hesitated for a moment as she glanced at the camera, then continued. "I mean, look at Taylor Swift. She's known for her string of high-profile relationships and breakups, and it hasn't always been received positively. It feels like Y/N is heading down a similar path- What?"
"Come on, Maya!" Lila glared at her, clearly displeased. "Comparing Y/N to Taylor Swift isn't fair. Taylor's faced a lot of unfair criticism for just living her life and expressing herself through her music. Y/N is her own person, with her own journey. She's navigating her twenties in the spotlight, and that's not easy."
Maya just shrugged as she glanced toward the camera, before adjusting her mic. "Well that got awkward, moving on..."
──── COMMENTS
sela 🐾 | is she wrong though... love her music but why'd paige gotta get involved too? ♡ 108
↳ l/nslover | cause they like each other???
↳ 🦕 | has bro ever heard of a pr relationship 😭
↳ ari! | THEYRE NOT EVEN TOGETHER YET BROOO😭😭😭
sarah™️ | LILA GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE BROOOO 😭😭 i never liked maya tbh this is just a weird ass take ♡ 1.7k
kayla 🎀 | listen as a y/n girly i also understand maya's point of view cause.... shes kinda for the streets ♡ 879
↳ ™️ | dont call yourself a """"" y/n girly """""" if ur gonna say she's for the streets??? the fuck??
⭐️ | i was understanding maya's pov up until she started saying all that taylor swift bullshit, they're two separate artists LET US LIVEEEEEEE ♡ 2k
josie may | hardest watch of the day 🥲 maya u let us down with that dumb ass take
──
"I just kinda... wanna disappear for awhile," you confessed, your voice quiet as you pressed the phone to your ear. "Don't know why this keeps happening, you're the only that can... help me through it. Sorry if I woke you up-"
It happened again ─ over the last couple of months (ever since you'd broken up with Lauren) you'd gotten pretty severe panic attacks. You were told by everyone on your team to just stay off social media and what had you done... exactly the opposite of that.
"No, no, I was awake anyway, promise," Paige's voice echoed through the phone. You heard shuffling through the phone as you sniffled, sighing. "And I don't mind, like at all. I meant what I said, I'm always here for you,"
Your heart swelled as you managed a smile, as tears began to build in your eyes. You and Paige had only been talking a month and she already understood you more than anyone had in what felt like forever. Her steady presence was like an anchor in the storm of your life.
The constant media scrutiny and the aftermath of your breakup with Lauren had left you feeling alone, but Paige’s calming influence was slowly becoming your safe haven.
"I just... I don't know how to deal with all of it. The rumors, the pressure, it's all so overwhelming," you admitted, wiping away the tears that had started to fall. "Half of it, it isn't even true."
"Hey, it's okay, I know, I believe you," Paige's voice was soothing, almost like a warm embrace over the phone. Even the smallest affirmation from Paige made you feel all okay again, even if it was just for the moment.
"You're not alone in this. We can figure it out together, step by step."
That part made your lips twitch up in a smile, feeling yourself relax again. You took a deep breath, feeling a bit of the tension ease from your shoulders. "I just feel like I can't breathe sometimes. Like the walls are closing in, y'know?"
"I get it," Paige replied softly. She'd know about it all too well, she'd been through it herself plenty of times. "Sometimes it helps to focus on the small things. One step at a time, remember? Have you tried any of those breathing exercises I taught you?"
You nodded, even though she couldn't see you. "Yeah, a little. They help, but it’s hard to remember in the moment."
"Next time you feel a panic attack coming on, call me. Anytime, okay? We'll get through it together," Paige's voice was firm, reassuring. "You don't deserve the shit they give you, like at all."
"Thank you," you whispered, feeling a surge of gratitude. "I don't know what I'd do without you, P."
"You don't have to thank me. I care about you, and I wanna help. Plus, I like hearing your voice," Paige added with a light chuckle, trying to lift your spirits.
You couldn't help but smile at that. "Me too, especially your cute tired voice."
"Cute, really?" Paige laughed through the phone and you swore you felt like your whole world felt even again. "But uh, if you do really wanna disappear you can always come to Connecticut."
The thought of escaping the relentless spotlight, even for a little while, sounded like a dream. "Really?"
"Yeah, you can stay with me for a bit, if that's uh... what you want." Paige explained through the phone. "My friends are super chill and it's always a fun time, if you ever wanna come. Think about it?"
The idea of spending time with the basketball player you'd quickly become enthralled with, seemed almost like a dream. And getting away from LA and all the madness that came with it sounded heavenly, you were going to give Connecticut a thought.
You sighed, feeling a warmth spread through you that had been absent for far too long. "Yeah, I will. And Paige?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you. Really."
"Anytime, Y/N. Sweet dreams."
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↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !
↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡
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6okuto · 2 months
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hai everypony. used some of u and ur ocs as my muses for a little (big) (rough) spread :3 So u know u r perceived and enjoyed.
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if ur surprised because we don't talk um. i recognize ur user and or did some tag lurking so. hey... um. Hey...... tags and notes under the cut!
@khalixvitae - KHALIX ! do not know this guy At All but i decided to mix things up and use him!! if u have any thoughts to share abt vil i'm all ears! >__<
@sweet-milky-tea705 - JAYCE! yasenia. smoking duck gif. is anything else needed 2 say... i didn't forget her ears i just. upside down. hair. and. giuspelazpe
@koyukiki - Leon Kennedy. LMAO he's literally the most random guy on here. "why hoseok da bus driver" vibe LIKEHEEBFHSB but u know. hiii koyuki!!
@shobvrry - wehehehe... hiii friend,, little shoto for u!! :3 do u like the placement of frozen joke bear. get it. bc. because. he. and. get it
@dira333 - kENMA!! this is evidently Not the thing i wanted to give u but. this has taken a while and i actually want 2 redo the other thing so. haii dira!! \o/
@satorisoup - tHe Only self ship other than me on here. based it on ur existing self ship comms and picrews.. R ur eyes green. like. ..IMCRYING . ROCK ON LENE!
@last0bread - !! azalea has SUCH a cool + unique design!! she's also quite satisfying to draw?? LOL. i also like doodling flowers so thanks for letting me do that :3 🩷 /silly
@mustddart - oh my god i didn't know u changed users and just got so scared. I rock w these guys. i don't know their dynamic i based it solely on this post (& it being percy) but I ROCK W THEM!!! U r one of the people i recognize by user btw. Hiiii stay awesome!!!! 🩷🩷
@luv-indigo - SOOO lovely!! loved reading about nadine and seeing her in each step ^__^ !! i recognize u by user too. Haiii all ur art and ocs r super nice and cool!!! 🙆🏻‍♀️🩷
@vaultureculture - bro i am rocking w this design so hard. elvia is stunning like okkk???!! leander i see u. i get u 🙂‍↕️🔥 phlomis is also Awesome i love the dynamics and story going on IM ROCKING SO HEAVY!!
@kandy-katz - omg. i did the chibi first and by the time i got to the last empty space i realized sol was the only one who was a sole (haha) chibi and !! 😭 i felt so bad bc his full design is SO SO cool so he's here twice. HE'S AWESOME!! 🩷🙆🏻‍♀️
@dreamtydraw - smoking duck gif. apple bag trio.. lOVE THEM!! 🩷💌 wasn't originally gonna do all 3 but i saw this pose and thought it was silly and fun.. yeagh. all ur ocs are always so lovely and unique!!! everypony reading this go check dreamty on itch.io and play all 5 games NOW!!!
@evanox - SARA RAAAHHHH!!!! saraahhhhh!!.???? haha get it. ...just looks like i spelt ur name wrong. Let's carry on. MAEHWA!!! 😭🩷🩷 worked off jayce's art I hope she looks ok. sage is drunk and saying something stupid /affectionate Idk what.. hehe she's lovely!!
@anonymous-eggy - Big Fan of masks and i love this one. HIS DESIGN IS SO FUN!! i finished drawing them the fastest fr fr i want that shirt so bAD and their hair is so nice yeahh i rock w az HEAVY!! 🩷🩷
@someiicecube - cannot overstate how heavy i rock w esther. u hooked me at an awesome stunning design and reeled me in w reading too many romance books and wishing it was him. so me. SO COOL!!! 🩷🩷
da process........
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yeahgh. 👍 i wud like to draw some for real in the future but actually if i draw anything in the next few days my brain will explodeo.
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roxyzwritez · 2 months
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au writing shit idk
heres the Rough Plan for my first few eps:
ep1: the au branches off of canon in the final SU ep, Change Your Mind. renamed to Change Your World. when white yoinks the gem out of steven and pinksteven reforms and whiteasks W H E R E I S P I N K the response is something along the lines of "i am right here, but fuck you im not talking to you." (girlboss) and white gets the "im a child, what's your problem" and has the perfectionist meltdown, then steven's like "sorry but we gotta head out" and they're like "PINK WHAT THE FUCK?" steven goes "im not pink just leave earth alone" the gems agree and give steven The Legs™️.
pearl latches onto the idea that rose is still alive in there. (didn't write that tho just had it cut to this next bit oops) her and greg build a thing to connect to the gem that will essentially connect to pink/rose im just gonna call her rose damnit and allow her to communicate w everyone. shes like "...hey guys. uh. sorry for trying to kill myself i guess that didn't work but i have been minecraft spectating steven for the entirety of his existence with no ability to do anything but think and watch" pearl has a lesbian implosion, everyone's all happy n shit. steven eventually asks about the lying and she's like "yeag i done bad there. i just wanted to keep you guys together" (now that i think abt it there was no mention of bismuth here.. oops,) garnet gives her a Garnet Specil motivational speech and she's like "i missed you too garnet" (i forgot to mention, garnet violently explode-unfuses and ruby+sapphire are just bumbling with happy when rose spoke) amethyst has her own moment (she thought this was all bullshit and started playing fortnite upstairs but between games she heard rose and a p p e a r e d)
anyway rose then is thinking "oh man i gotta talk to so many ppl" and realizes eh guys nothing to worry abt just a HAPPY TO LISTEN, HAPPY TO STAY, HAPPILY WATCHING HER DR- but we should go there NOW" so they do, spinel is understandably distraught and breaks the gemspeaker in half but feels bad about it. she comes with the gang to earth, they show her around, a new gemspeaker is made and they reconcile. yippy! also spinel ate one of ALL. big donut flavors. sadie allowed this just for on e because steven is the LORD AND SAVIOR OF THE STEVEN UNIVERSE haha funny.
anyway she and bismuth talk. bis is kinda like "yeah i wasnt very gamer sorry about that herhee" again ignoring that SHE lied about the bubbling, conveniently forgot to explore that conversation for ease of writing and so i didn't need to go "how do i utilize my 2 iq points to channel these characters and get them to have a coherent, consistent to character conversation about this situation"
peri and lapis are called over by bismuth who doesn't say shit to them for the surprise. lapis is like "yeah ok hit me" peri is more curious. rose speaks, peridot fangirls and lapis is like "oh shit that's historically significant " peri is like "I NEED TO RESEARCH:)))" and runs off. spoiler: gem cloning
bis brings up the idea. rose is like "yeah that sounds legit" (the gem cloning conundrum took me way too long to understand. i drove my friend crazy. "hey can u explain every single quantum detail of this in the most verbose way i dont understand" but eventually i understood it JUUUUST enough to write it lmao i still don't get it)
rose n steven talk in roses room. all happy n shit. greg is told abt the plan and hes like oh shit i gotta clean up and steven is like "you know her standards. she don't give a shit" hes like "yeag"
peri makes progress! she made a little clump!! (explaining the gem cloning: theyre making essentially an empty gem with the powers but no consciousness inside. when its ready, white will take steven's gem out again, rose reforms, and the new gem gets ever so graciously stabbed into his belly where the old one was.)
peri tells steven its gonna take a year. he's like "well okay better than like hundreds of years" then he goes off to talk to the diamonds. he brings the speaker with. rose lets out the thousands of years of distrust and anger at the dismonds and they are humbled even more than when they got pinkd and rose is like "you WILL heal all the shattered ones i don't give a shit" and theyre like "whatever you say little one" (yes they do indeed heal the fallen. probably with regular shipments of steven fluid. that sounded wrong but im not a freak like that hes still 14)
also they go back home and steven talks to rose abt "you told the diamonds you literally wanted to die are you fr?" she explains and hes like YOU FATHERFUCKER, YOU ARE AMAZING AND YOU CAN'T DO THAT (crying)"
next episode is just year-long filler but i made it actually good by making it essentially a montage of lapis and peri in the barn becoming lesbian for eachother. finally, a controversial move on my part, they decide to overcome lapis's fear of fusion and fuse for stevens birthday. their fusion is turquoise (took way too long coming up with a fucking name) and can corrode (water + metal) and can morph/control metal (liquify n stuff. definitely not taken from a lapidot fusion concept i found on google images.) garnet is like "hey pearl look at these silly lesbians " pearls like "damn relatable" garnets like "yeag"
a week or a few after the bday, the gem is finally ready. everyone is excited until steven asks how this is gonna work. peri is like UHHHHH... 😊 and lapis is just "eh just take that one out, stick this one in!" peri goes NNNO- but after some damage control and telling everyone steven will be fine hes like "well i better get some good sleep then. big day!"
there's more but im done typing my fingers are about to go peridot and fuckin fly away let me know if you want the like 1other episode and the minisode after that
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mxrmaid-poet · 17 days
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bot drop: september 7, 2024
i did quite a few bots. also happy first month out of summer. it’s already starting to get cold! I had fun with everyone’s requests.
requests ~
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nokto and rio
i rlly ate up this edited pic, yeah?
they r at the festival together in benitoite as a poly couple.
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judeyyyy
user (a part of my jude and assistant user chronicles) turns into a cat. this was such a funny prompt I started brainstorming early lmaooo and nothing is funnier than my example messages:
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thank you, for this
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harr silver
he and user r talking abt their world differences. land of reason vs wonderland! it’s a cute established relationship. and harr gets to learn abt what a phone is
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william shakey
user has a cold and will is helping them thru it. he actually speaks w old english so AHHHHH IM PROUD
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vyn richter
he’s seeing his daughter off for her first day of kindergarten, and he’s more sad about it then she is lol.
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jin grandet
modern AU! they r at an amusement park together and r exploring a haunted house attraction.
my first jin bot but not my last hehehe this was fun!
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chevalier michel
SUCH A GREAT IDEA! chev ends up having to end things with Belle, now he’s together with user and he’s beginning to see so much of Belle in her; he’s starting to fall in love but feels guilty about it
my own ~
jude jazza - that’s right, more assistant user chronicles. now, user turned into a child.
MASTERLIST 💕
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hedghost · 1 year
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less being nervous abt transfer season and all the rumours going around and when it all gets a little too much r plans a night in for them w all her fav things 🥹
alessia russo / ease her mind
to begin with, neither you nor alessia had thought much about the impending end of her contract. sure, the drama of the january transfer season had offered a fleeting, but very real, reminder; the arsenal offer had been a bullet in the dark, blindly dodged before you even had time to register the gunshot, but once that was shut down, the two of you settled back into the routine of the season, and the summer faded to only a niggling thought in the back of your mind.
you'd both spoken about the various possibilities of course, with you due to stay in manchester for at least a season or two, but you had faith in your relationship to withstand whatever may occur. although you would've appreciated some clarity on the future, you could tell that alessia was equally in the dark - though she seemed to be having a tougher time dealing with it. you knew she was a creature of habit, knew that uncertainty frightened her, and you could tell that talking about it too much, when it was so firmly out of either of your hands, was only doing your girlfriend far more harm than good.
and so you did your best to ease her worries, trying to project your whatever will be, will be attitude onto her, and, given that she was so adept at trusting you, it worked - at least for a few months.
as the season wore on however, and the deadline loomed ever closer, you could tell by alessia's change in demeanour that it was starting to weigh heavier on her mind. her carefree positivity wavered a little more each day, she laughed a little less, and a little quieter, pushed herself a little harder; head down, body tense. she played each game as though it might be her last, relished each minute she got on the pitch with a little more ferocity. each goal she didn't score seemed to sting a little more, each interaction with a fan tugged a little harder at her heartstrings.
for anyone else, the change in attitude may have been attributed to the backend end of the season, the laser-focus of a professional getting down to business, but to you, alessia was see-through; an open book. despite this, there seemed to be nothing you could do to ease her mind. she wouldn't talk about her contract, wouldn't hear any conversation of transfer season, seemingly wishing to just deny it was even on the horizon at all.
an open book in a foreign language. a glass vault, firmly locked.
and so you let it lie. that was an issue for after the season, and for now you were content to help alessia enjoy her potential last days at united, and to allow yourself to enjoy the luxury of having her nearby.
the season drew to a close, and the team was in high spirits. the fa cup loss had been hard to take, sure, and you knew exactly why alessia had taken it harder than most, but with the team finishing in second in the league after a long run of great performances, everyone was happily looking ahead to the summer.
though you were hoping for a bit of a rest, the end of the season meant you both finally had a chance to celebrate and have fun, and you weren't about to miss out. you both were bombarded with invites from various people - parties, trips away, breakfasts, brunches, coffee, lunches, dinner, nights out, the lot. while a hectic schedule was your norm, it was a nice change for the plans to be social ones, rather than training or work commitments, and so you and alessia accepted them readily.
still, it was a lot. neither of you had really had a break, a chance to fully relax, and you found yourself wondering how long alessia could last before it all boiled over.
with the season over, transfer rumours had begun to fly in full force, with the brunt of them concerning alessia. you knew it was stressing her out, having come no closer to a deal with either arsenal or united, or any other of the numerous interested clubs. it didn't help that no matter where you went, no matter who she was speaking to, alessia was being bombarded with questions.
journalists were the worst offenders, circling her like vultures, but even when you were with friends it always came up. although it was often in the form of light-hearted jokes or teasing banter, you could see the toll it was taking on alessia. you spent enough time looking at her to not miss her downcast eyes or tensed shoulders.
it all came to a head one evening, when the two of you joined a few of the united girls for a night out at a bar in manchester. you were squeezed into a booth between vilde and lessi, fourth drink in hand, laughing as you all clamoured to be heard over the thumping music and shouts of other inebriated patrons.
you kept an eye on lessi, having not missed her tired eyes and quiet responses to you earlier in the day. you chucked her a few sideways glances, keeping your hand firmly planted on her thigh, but you were pleased to see that she seemed to have brightened up a little. that is, until millie, considerably drunk, brought up the topic of next year, swaying as she rose from her seat to perform an exuberant toast.
we're gonna win the league next year bitches!
you laughed as maya pulled her back down forcefully to save her from embarrassment, the rest of the girls all cheering at millie's wild claim. all except alessia. you squeezed her thigh, watching as her mouth tightened and she developed a sudden interest in the bottom of her glass. this time though, you weren't the only one to notice her reaction.
except for lessi, the traitor!
the rest of the girls laughed again at millie's addition, but you winced at how perfectly she'd found lessi's sore spot. you went to say something, to signal subtly across the table for millie to leave her be, but before you could, alessia rose from her seat. she mumbled something about getting another drink, before she sped away, eyes downcast and shoulders hanging low.
the girl's laughter faded immediately, and millie looked at you with frantic apology.
shit, i'm sorry- i didn't mean-
you sighed, running a hand through your hair with a sad smile. millie wasn't exactly to blame, you knew she'd been joking, and you were sure alessia did too. this was just the last straw in a series of similar encounters, each one chipping away at alessia's facade a little more. you were quick to placate millie.
no it's okay, she's just stressed about it all, sore spot and all that- i'm just gonna go check up on her
you barely registered the girl's nods before you were up out of your seat, in hot pursuit of your girlfriend. despite her earlier excuse, she wasn't at the bar, nor was she in the bathroom. you pulled out your phone to call her, but were stopped by a familiar head of blonde hair sat alone in the smoking area.
you slid wordlessly onto the bench beside her, choosing to sling an arm loosely around her shoulders. alessia started a bit at the contact, before she let herself be tugged gently into you. she kept her eyes down as she curled into you, pressing her face into your chest. you heard her sniffle slightly, before you felt the wetness of her cheeks against your exposed collarbone. your hand found the back of her head, and you held her tight into you.
i just don't know what to do
she whimpered into your neck. she sounded so weak, so tired of it all. the pit in your stomach grew, and your heart twisted. you hated to see your girl like this. you swayed the two of you a little, kissing her hairline and murmuring into her hair.
i know darling, i know
you didn't have much else you could say. there were no perfect words you could utter to fix all this, no way to magically put her world to rights. god knows you would've done it by now if there was.
can we go home?
you nodded, pulling alessia to stand. you wiped her tears and pecked her cheek, as she tried to muster any sort of smile. it lasted all of two seconds before her face fell again, and she practically shuddered with exhaustion. leaving alessia briefly outside, you said a quick goodbye to the girls as you left, who listened with concern as you explained the situation. they ushered you out with messages of love for you to pass on, content with the fact that their girl was in safe hands with you.
the ride home was quiet, though your hand never left alessia's. you traced circles into her soft palms, trying to soothe just a little bit of her anxieties. you knew you'd need to talk about it at some point, but that could wait. alessia definitely wasn't in a talking mood, and all you wanted to do was offer comfort. when you got in, you sent her to bed immediately, promising to join her in a few seconds. you fetched her a water and some painkillers - already anticipating tomorrow's hangover - before you sent a quick message to the girls to let them know less was home safe.
you let alessia sleep in the next day, taking a while to just hold her close to you as she did. she'd curled into your side the second you'd slipped under the covers, still sniffling slightly as she breathed you in, and she hadn't moved from her position all night. you'd lain awake long after she'd slipped into sleep, heart breaking for her as you softly stroked her arm.
you were careful not to wake her now, as you slipped out from her grasp. she stirred a little at the movement, but you stroked her hair until she curled back into herself. you left a note on her bedside table, next to the water and painkillers, before slipping out to the shops.
when you returned, you were pleased to find alessia was still asleep. clearly she was exhausted, both mentally and physically. she needed the rest. you knew she had a meeting with her agent in the afternoon, unfortunately regarding transfer business, but she could sleep until then.
you busied yourself with cooking lunch in the meantime, and soon enough alessia emerged, still looking half-asleep. you opened your arms to her, and she padded dutifully over. she sighed into your neck as you swayed her back and forth, the perfect picture of domestic bliss, before she pulled back to kiss you gently.
i'm sorry for last night, she murmured against your lips.
don't be, you replied, feeling any better?
the hum she gave you in reply was noncommittal, and you nodded sadly, already knowing her stresses wouldn't have been eased overnight. you may not have been able to take the burden of it all off her shoulders, but you had a plan to hopefully lighten the weight.
you led her to the table, plating up her food and delivering it with a kiss. she smiled in return, but it did little to ease the tiredness in her eyes. you were pleased to see her mood increase steadily as you ate, but the tension seemed to return in full force when she remembered the meeting with luca. alessia groaned and buried her face in her hands. you stroked her calf with your foot under the table.
i know, babe, i know - but when you're done we're having a chill night in, okay?
i thought you were meeting maya? she looked up at you, eyes questioning.
i've already told her i can't make it
but-
no buts less, i can see maya whenever i want - tonight is about you
alessia smiled, a slight blush rising beneath her spray of freckles. she nodded, before she got up to get ready.
as soon as she was out the door you got to work enacting your plan. two years of dating lessi meant you knew her inside out, and you'd meticulously planned the evening to include everything that might make her feel better right now. you began by cleaning the entire flat, knowing that alessia was a firm believer in tidy house, tidy mind, but also aware that when she was stressed, it was the first thing she neglected, leading to a pile up of laundry, and her shoes and belongings littering the hallways in an obstacle course of various trip hazards. then you set to work on dinner.
you'd chosen one of your classic 'marry me meals', as you called them, a repertoire of elaborate but comforting home-cooked dinners, all chosen especially with alessia in mind. you picked her favourite to make tonight, the one she requested most often, but that you saved for special occasions. the familiar motions of cooking allowed you to relax a little, taking your mind of your girlfriend's pain, which in all honesty was eating you alive. while before, you'd selfishly hoped she'd stay at united, now all you wanted was for it to be sorted so that alessia could relax. she could play football on mars for all you cared, as long as she was happy. if you had to invest in a spacesuit to watch her play, so be it.
when alessia texted you that she was on her way home, you quickly ran a bath, lighting candles and filling it with her favourite bath salts. you were adding a spoonful of honey to a cup of herbal tea - her favourite blend - when you heard the door open.
how was it, love? you called as alessia removed her shoes and dropped her bag. she shrugged as she moved towards you.
more of the same, i- wait, did you clean?
yes i did, now come on
you pulled her into the bathroom, her eyes widening as she took in what you'd set up for her. you began to peel off her clothes for her, taking her hand as she stepped into the bath. you handed her the tea, and she sighed, eyes swimming with emotion.
y/n i-
shh, less, just let me help you relax okay? no transfer rumours, no contract talks, just you and me
she nodded gratefully, and you began to wash her hair for her, kneading your hands gently through her tresses, massaging her head as you untangled her hair. you took your sweet time, smiling as alessia's shoulders loosened more than they had in a while.
feel good? you asked, and alessia nodded. she leant back to look at you, and your heart flipped at the sight of her.
i love you, y/n
love you more less
leaving her there to soak for a little longer, you went to put the finishing touches on dinner. you collected alessia's favourite blanket from the bedroom, laying out fresh pyjamas and one of your hoodies for her as you did.
when alessia emerged, it was to find you with your hands on your hips, lips pursed as you critically surveyed the set up you'd created. mood lighting, plenty of blankets, alessia's favourite films already lined up to watch on the tv, an array of all her favourite snacks and drinks, anything and everything you could think of.
sensing her presence, you spun around to take her hands, ignoring her offers to help with dinner as you pushed her onto the sofa. she laughed, blue eyes shining, as you made a show of tucking her in and kissing her hand, before you went to grab the food.
she nestled into your side as you both ate, kissing your cheeks in silent thanks, expression glowing with love. you watched her closely, scanning for any residual stress or tension, but you came up short. you felt a weight on your chest that you didn't even notice was there release, like a fist clenching your heart had let go.
when alessia finished eating, you pulled her so she was on top of you, smiling as she burrowed into your chest. you reached a hand beneath her shirt to scratch lightly against her back, and she hummed. alessia pressed a kiss to your neck, nipping at it playfully in gratitude.
thank you, y/n
anything for you less
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intertexts · 2 months
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OK HI. HELLO ROS <3 standing in ur doorway like this 🧍 listen i will read worm eventually i just have so much HAPPENING. ALL THE TIME RIGHT NOW. AND DONT HAVE THE TIME. and also jrwi has me in a chokehold u know how it b. ANYWAY. i need u 2 tell me as much about new haven wards as u can without like major insane spoilers for worm. little spoilers r ok. i watch/read everything with a few lil spoilers 2 look forward to anyway <3 i know nothing abt the universe of worm (<<has barely made a sizeable dent in it but god i will i prommy) but i wanna know what exactly nhw is about. how does the universe work. how do the powers work. what is the situation with the nhw how and why are they working together where did they all come from!! gimme the nhw lore!!! as much as u can!!!!! looking at u with the biggest saddest wettest eyes rn pls pls pls infodump abt nhw 2 me!!!!!!!! ros pls 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
HIII HI HI WHISKEY <333 UR INSANE FOR ASKING THIS. BTW. literally insane. grabbing u so hard by the shoulders there is a crazed look in my eye. anyway. FIRST i am tagging @stuck-in-the-ghost-zone here also!!!!!! bc it is his au as much as mine & i am NOT qualified 2 talk abt nhw mark n such. augh.
ok. ok. ok. new haven wards. putting the cut here.
so the basic movement of worm is that powers are from trauma. ridiculously simplified, but that's the base of it-- if you have superpowers, you have them because you went through traumatic events so severe to you specifically that it broke ur brain a little bit. the powers manifest in some way as a reaction to the traumatic scenario. (it is also more complicated than this. playing the spoiler card.) OR secret second option u put urself into indefinite debt to an extremely shadowy and ominous.... organization? person? shadow government branch? conspiracy? and get superpowers in a can, with like, a 10% chance they'll backfire and mutate u into some fucking terrible inhuman shit and then they'll completely memory wipe you and brand you and dump you off somewhere. not really relevant here. because the main way of getting superpowers is to be violently traumatized, cape society in worm tends to be grittier, more violent. there's more villains, the heroes are less shiny marvel or dc and more making whatever moral compromises they need to get the best outcome possible. at one point one of the main heroes in the city worm takes place in tells the sixteen-year-old protagonist "i don't care, there's a kill order out on them, just put a bullet in her brain if you see her, it's fine" and then a while later goes "yeah i'd vote for a kill order out on you guys too," directly to her face. worm is always going "hey, wouldn't it fucking suck if superheroes were real?". there are many horrifying and inhuman and violent threats. sexual and racial and physical violence aren't swept under the rug. these seventeen year olds are sent to crime scenes where flayed and gutted corpses are suspended from the ceilings because they're heroes! ^_^ but this aint about worm this is about the new haven wards!!!!! [wards are the child soldiers junior hero branch of the main syndicated/unionized hero organization, w/ placement in every major city alongside regional protectorate headquarters]
>key things for this au:
--william wisp changed his last name to bell when he moved to new haven (where his brother david lives :) and joined the wards, for another layer of anonymity ^_^ (he is. severely paranoid about his identity & privacy. <- also a Big and Heavy thing in worm/parahumans world. it's a Big Fucking Deal to unmask a cape regardless of their alignment)
-dakota never got the mechanical heart & biomedical augumentation so didn't meet mato cole at that time! he's still dakota damascus :]
-virion... idk why he's still virion & not vyncent actually. probably just because that was the name his parents gave him? we can't change it now though nhw virion & canon vyncent r two different guys to me...
-ashe is the unluckiest fucking guy in the world!!!
their powers are a little different from canon both bc of the ways powers work just being different frm how they do in pd & also because of the "they're always a reflection of the worst moment of ur life that you're just dragging around with you reminding you of it" thing. <333
wibby / whisperer is a breaker/shaker (<- power classifications meaning he has another form he shifts into, and also an area of effect] in his breaker form (crackling white-blue energy) he 1) can control how corporeal he is, or *how* corporeal he is, from "walks into the brick wall" to "doesnt notice there's a brick wall and goes straight through it", to "goes incorporeal to stick his hand in a guy's chest then resolidifies to instakill him" w/ some tradeoffs. & 2) shape/control energy manifestations in a fairly wide radius around him, where the power of the shaped energy is in proportion to the amount of recent death in the area-- if there's a ton of casualties in the area, he can do a lot more than he could in a peaceful small town in the middle of nowhere. the situation with his trigger event was him. growing up socially isolated and half convinced he was going crazy and everyone else Also thought he was fucking insane (deadwood is still haunted!! more haunted :]) for years & years + the loneliness + frustration + unsureness if he's actually the one just. losing it or if it's all really real + the constant feeling of being in danger, that the town is bad and malicious and out to Get you. anyway. he fell, take that as ambiguously as u do for that in canon, didn't die, but was severely injured & couldn't move. just laid there for maybe a day or so in the woods that wanted to kill him. anyway he triggered when he was found! the catalyst was not "the place that's been out to get me my entire life finally succeeded" but the helpless incandescent frustration of "actually nothing i ever do is going to make you understand. i've been trying for so fucking long to make you See It but you won't!!! you never will and you just think i'm crazy or stupid or making it up for attention even though it has such obvious fucking consequences and is manifestly Real!!" he was recruited to the wards by miss g herself, who was like hahahhahaa this kid could be a Really Fucking Big Problem if he doesn't have an eye on him!! ^_^ he never wanted to be a hero, and still doesn't, really, but he's terrified of accidentally hurting people & deadwood is like a weight around his neck and maybe things will be better if he just gets out of here. for a while they're not, of course. he just feels like. y'know. he's another sick thing that crawled out of deadwood, and his powers make that obvious. the way they interact with recently dead shit makes him sick!! living with david is awful-- a big, lovely, lonely high rise apartment, an older brother who barely bothers to speak to him, calls to their mom through the walls going "why is he here? why would you send him here? can he like, go anywhere else?"
virion sol / imprint is a trump (meaning his powers interact With other capes powers.) he can copy powers by touching other parahumans-- the copied power is just as strong as the original, whatever the original is, but he doesn't have an innate sense of how to use it; he can easily be overwhelmed or overstimulated by powers that involve a ton of sensory input, or accidentally loose cannon something he wasn't expecting and can't easily control. regardless, this is a fucking insane power to have. it's so cracked. like within the parahumans-- world, this is something so rare, especially being able to copy the full strength of the power. the very few examples in canon of something similar, the copied power is always inferior. his situation was similar to canon-- the greats were a team of independent heroes, & were like, extended family to virion. he grew up unpowered, but in the cape world-- so many aunts and uncles teaching him security, standard protocols, how to fight capes, how to run cape business and independent team business, how to handle guns and tasers and safely run background checks. y'know. a family's worth of professional knowledge. he never really wanted to be a cape, anyway, he was more than happy to do all the unpowered stuff at home that needed to be done. occasionally he came with them on patrol n stuff or snuck out to watch them. the greats' long term goal was prying out the lich, an extremely heavyweight warlord who had control over most of the city. virion's father struck a deal with the lich-- virion knows as little what the deal was For as he does in canon, but he double crossed the entire team. virion snuck along to the confrontation with the lich (setup) & watched his father turn & murder all of them. still not sure if he did it all himself or just watched as the lich's minions did it, but the way they knew all their weaknesses, how efficient and brutal and unexpected it was-- it was his dad feeding the information. virion stays frozen in shock and horror & hidden during all of this. can't do anything to help. is fucking useless, despite all he knows and has done. for the first time in his life, he wished he had powers, that ram and min and everyone could have taught him how to have and use their powers like they taught him everything else. he triggered watching it all happen. after this, he went on the run, terrified that someone would Know that he saw, that they'd be coming for the loose ends, that his dad would come back for him. all he has of his family is a couple piecemeal things he could grab before he ran-- ram's favorite revolvers, a holy medal of alphonz's, some of his mom's sturdy jewelry. anyway, he ran, moved to a different city, new haven. started figuring out his powers, started targeting specifically other capes who were up to bad shit-- minor to mid league villains, the occasional local hero who would Look squeaky clean, but after their sudden death dirty secrets would come out, etc. all very low-key, very subtle. none of the disappearances or deaths looked related. during this period he is SO fucked up. he is so fucked in the head. he's incredibly hypervigilant and paranoid and jumpy (good at looking unbothered and still clocking every single sound and movement and always facing doors and windows), mired in the grief and guilt and horror at. watching his entire family slaughtered and life shattered in a night. sleeps for no more than two hours or so at a time. even on top of the lich and his dad... what he's been doing puts an even bigger target on his back. doesn't have time or heart for anything but the dirty work. is dissociating through the periods of time where he's not actively hunting someone down or on the job. silhouette is the one who puts the pieces together-- of course he's on the protectorate (hero organization) radar. sure he's only been targeting bad guys, but how clean each one was? how well covered they all are? how whoever this is has allegedly killed at least almost two hands' worth of capes in cold blood by now? sets off alarms, if you're looking!!
anyway, silhouette tracks him down, says hey, i know who you are, i know what happened. you're just a kid. you join us, and you'll gain the resources and skill to be able to get revenge. aren't you tired of running? now... virion took to this fast and well when he did, but. before it all, he was just a teenager. despite the family business, he was just some guy! he helped his mom cook and got help with schoolwork at the kitchen table and his cool aunts took him out for lunch. he never wanted this or expected it. and of course he doesn't trust the heroes farther than he can spit, but... it's something. it's better than this. anything has to be better than the way he's driving himself into the ground. & also, of course. if silhouette can find him. anyone else who's looking for him can too. (i don't think he's even registered on the radar of anyone. his dad didn't actually survive the lich, obviously, & he was the only other one who really knew abt virion + nobody knew he triggered. he's just. so fucking paranoid.)
dakota damascus / failsafe is a thinker/mover. he 1) has a precognitive sense of any pain that anyone in a radius around him will feel in the next short amount of time. this is-- varyingly difficult to block. he can't just Choose not to feel it, although the intensity of the feeling, again, varies. mostly proportionally to how severe the pain actually is, or how many people are hurt, but, with time, he can dull or sharpen it + follow the threads of it to discern Who exactly is in pain, rather than just an ambient sensation. 2) is VERY fast & has matching enhanced cognitive speed. these two abilities work SO good together, both in combat situations & also just day to day patrolling. man. i love dakota. anyway, he triggered young-- he was out with his parents (maybe 7/8) and they got caught in an attack by siberian-- a genuinely indestructible, incredibly powerful villain who can just,,, run her hand through a concrete foundation like it's butter & collapse buildings, or scoop out peoples insides in a heartbeat. and also likes to eat people, like, raw and bloody after dismembering them. whatever level of ultraviolent shocking horror u are imagining. double it. anyway. they got caught in the scene of this attack, dakota got separated from his parents in the panic and stampede and rush to get out-- he's seven! it's terrifying levels of panic and claustrophobia and people shoving and trampling and he's not gonna leave without his parents!! of course not!! he triggers from the fear and the disorientation and the panic & he can't find them & he's trying to fight the crowd but he barely comes up past their knees & there's awful sounds of fighting & he's close enough to see her... things are doubly disorienting with the echo of the agony from everyone who gets Fucking Siberianed. he sees most of the fight. um. a while after she's driven away and it's finally finished he finds what's left of his parents. there's a beat in worm, during an encounter with siberian and the Big Heroes, the prime force equivalent, where they just.. give her a victim to chew on because it makes her happier and less of a nightmare to fight. which is something i think about frequently. anyway, after this things are kind of loose, similar to canon. he does the same shit. it's also quieter and you can feel less people hurting the higher up u are. yk? OH GOD. YEAH. at some point after this we still have not hammered it out. he confronts the slaughterhouse 9 (the supervillain group that attacked/siberian is part of) about it & gets his face slit open (half chelsea smile style) & makes a deal to either kill a guy in [n years] or that guy will kill him & several hundred other people!!!!!!!!!!!! dakota damascus killing a man baked into the bones of nhw!!!
anyway he & cat still fell. he underwent a second trigger event when this happened, actually-- the panic and desperation of that situation + the way it echoed his first trigger, etc. this is also super fucking rare, btw. there are very few second triggers & it is almost Never good. (u cannot trigger more than twice + a second trigger is always a refining or an improving of the intent of the original trigger) so that's where the speed etc. came from. tide found him, gave him. a better support system (low bar!!) + a real purpose in joining the wards. i have a lot of feelings abt this.
ashe / auxiliary / muse is also a shaker/breaker!!!!! his backstory i cannot talk too much about because it is Big Spoilers. but he is a fucking powerful telekinetic (around when he joins the wards, having not really used his power in years, he has an upper weight limit of a couple times his body weight & a fairly large radius of effect). he also has a breaker form that only triggers in certain situations & if he really really pushes himself to breaking w/ his powers-- when he enters it, he loses lucidity, for the most part, & starts warping and stretching and breaking space-time in strange, dreamlike ways-- the pavement melts, or everything gets bouncy, or cars and concrete chunks and things with no business moving float slowly around like balloons, or he pulls and crumples reality to move without really moving.... it gets Real fucking bad, real fast. ANYWAY. he eventually sneaks out one night, walks to a gas station to get. snacks. it-- okay, i'm fucking linking mac's post, i CANNOT summarize all of this concisely. go read that. so. that's ashe's deal!!!!!!!!!
THERE'S ALSO. MARK. ASK MAC ABOUT MARK i have typed this entire thing out on myfucking phone keyboard i literally Cannot keep going. help. and also their mark stuff is so fucking good its so. auuuhhgh. AND ALSO DAVID BELL. WHO WORKS FOR THE ORGANIZATION THAT SELLS U SUPERPOWERS IN A CAN W A CHANCE OF GETTING TURNED INTO AN UNRECOGNIZABLE MONSTER AND DOES HUMAN ABDUCTION AND EXPERIMENTATION. AND JADE AND X AND ALLEN ARE THE FREEDOM CITY WARDS AND GRAYSCALE SHAKES OUT EVEN FUCKING WORSE THAN IT DID IN CANON. YEAH.
SO. YEAHG. THATS. THATS THE MOST OF IT. um. yeah. theyre a dreadful little polycule they are. So fucking clingy they r traumabonded. like little trembling chihuahua puppies. separation anxiety and all. virion and dakota share a comfy old victorian house in a suburban neighborhood maybe a fifteen minute walk from the protectorate hq. wibby starts out living w/ david and eventually just... all his stuff moves over to their place. their clothes r all mixed up they know each others blood types they're all sleeping together on the couch. eventually their house gets blown up. they all get various flavors of nightmare & are 1 million shades of debilitatingly mentally ill but like-- it works. they r good for each other. theyre good together. do not separate them. etc. i'm not even gonna fucking START talking abt their dynamics other than that but like. i mean. if you want a repeat of THIS u can always ask!!!!!!!
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weaselbeaselpants · 11 months
Text
kind of related but not- I'm genuinely sorry to be posting so much or about Lily Orchard, guys. Prior to Courtney coming on and telling us her story I was mostly just taken aback and angry with Lily as "one of those critic types" in my circle of vision.
It sucks -and yeah I know other critics don't want to hear this+Lily will use this fact as an excuse to discredit ppl's complaints abt her. but I think a lot of us were initially exposed to Lily because they knew of andor were fans of her cartoon criticism content. In my case I knew Lily from her days of Bronydom and have watched her make more and more meanMEAN material even w it's not about internal fandom dramacallouts. Back in those days and up to last year I could say of Lilly the same thing I'd say for a lot of people who annoy me online: I think she's a bully. Which is still bad, it's just not 'criminal', inherent. Comparing her to Rebecca Sugar, Lindsay Ellis, Contrapoints or VivziePop would be stupid as she really doesn't have even half the portfolio or wherewithall as any of those people -or even Zena and Poppy, not that they're angels. Lily was/is annoying because she'd use other people's genuine concerns and talking points. There's a certain takenupbyaltlight-term that I begrudginly would love to use for Lily that REALLY hits the nail on the head with her, be it as a fan, a critic or an activist. But I won't use it. Not because it's untrue, but because it's used by the same people who write her kiwifarm pages and misgender her and clearly couldn't give a crap about her if she didn't make them "lol"
But then, I actually looked at some of Britt's receipts and skimmed bits and pieces of what remains of Stockholm (I think you all already know this but @britts-galaxy-brain the links are missing now). For years, I'd known and listened to others honestly harp on Lily as some kind of counter-initiative for her going after their fav foalcon people. I assumed it was more of the same. It's not. Lily 100% wrote cp and is trying to hide it. No not fiction abt young adults that delves into erotic and sexisms; not stuff with aged-up child characters being big boobied of themselves thru the gaze or r34 artists. She wrote cp.
Essense of Thought's and that one hour long video talking about Stockholm were the first real horrifying revelation. Then I read through Brittney's saved messages from Lily and 'Tara'. Then I saw Patch's video.
THEN, Courtney came out and told everyone on here and her server everything we needed to know. I don't abide by everything Courtney says, especially about her abusers but I mean they're her abusers and please stop asking her to like the children who're valued more than her in the lives of her abusers, or at least maybe vent openly not to Courtney directly about your fear for those kids Cameron has. Yeah, I'm also concerned but idk there's got to be a better way to handle this. Anyway, as previously stated, I believe Courtney, Britt, and Patch. There's no way that those people have faked that stuff. I've heard kind of stretched explanations being true, but there's no way Stockholm was "edited by pedos" like Lily's saying it was I know I'm missing a few folks in there but I believe a lot of people have been genuinely victimized by LO and aren't just acting out of transphobia, bigotry.
Of what I can attest based on what I've seen, I KNOW that Lily Orchard wrote 'fluffy' foalcon and is saying she didn't, and also that the woman hates the word "queer".
Of what has been shown to me, I fully BELIEVE Lily Orchard is an abusive, sockpuppeting predator. Not only that, she's hiding behind other predator's existence to lie to her audience of other abused people to convince both them and herself that she couldn't possibly be a predator.
In 2013, what was 10 years from now, there was a controversy in the MLP fandom where a minor rose a (not undeserved) stink abt the askblog Princess Molestia and how it was making light of r*pe, intentionally or not. To counter this, a bunch of mouthbreathing bronies took it upon themselves to prove they weren't creeps by threatening the underrage sa victim, making r*pe porn of her while other mouthbreathers basically said "yeah put she's [the minor] annoying so it's the same kind of evil we're doing, really". Centrists.
Why this matters to me is (CW. CW. CW) you can find a post from Tara Callie, who was almost certainly one of Lily's alts at the time, admitting she found the r*pe art of Pinkiepony "hot", all the while Lily herself was publicly denouncing Pinkie's treatment by the fandom.
Lily Orchard is an awful human being. She does not have intrusive thoughts or fears of acting on those intrusive thoughts sometimes, like me and other people do. She has sexual and violent urges that she hides enough form the public to not make her followers suspect anything. She's twofaced and takes out her probable self-hate by attacking other predators. She's all deflection and lies. I can not believe a thing that vile woman says. Neither should you.
The biggest means of fighting her I think we all can do of is refusing to use her critical tag w we talk about her. Spam her "own tag". Enough hiding and denying who this terrible bigoted abusive woman really is.
Because really, her thoughts on glubshitto or whoever from Owl House are HARDLY the worst of it. Not even.
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vagabond-umlaut · 3 months
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i don't wanna burden u all w this but this is a real call for help, ppl :((
so. the thing is i met this user few months back here and we became moots considering we had many shared interests and stuff and we r also sort of moots in law or smthng. and well, we became pretty nice friends and we started chit-chatting w each other. not only abt jjk or other animanga but also yk. abt our irl lives and stuff
but. over the past few weeks. things hv started to turn so fkn horrible
so well. over the last three or two months or so, tht user and i became sort of besties. and we started to chat regularly. and now that i notice eveyrthing more closely, there hv always been red flags...
everything became worse two weeks ago, i think
when they started to complain to me how i hv been "not paying them attention!!" all the while i hv been active on the dash, busy interacting w my other moots. how they hv been "feeling insecure" because of it. like. why i took some time more to reply to their messages when i was already busy reblogging stuff on the dash. why i did not react to them posts they tagged me in, the same day. WHY I DO NOT TREAT THEM THE WAY I'M TREATING OTHER MOOTS
i tried to deal w this situation as maturedly as i could
like. i told them very gently and respectfully how i hv not been trying to ignore them. how my life is an awfully busy one, and i do not even log into tumblr everyday. and even if i do, more often than not, it's js for my ten min breaks in between my study sessions. AND I DO NOT TREAT THEM ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN MY OTHER MOOTS, THAT IS FOR SURE
they did not react too positively to my polite messages, always trying to pull the victim card OVER AND OVER AGAIN. how much they love me. why i cannot see their love for me. why i don't consider her as my most important bestie the same way so they see me.
[they hv always been so jealous of my other moots, now that i look at our initial messages... like. they were always so jealous, like. wtf]
i tried to pacify them as much as i could. tried to make them see that i cherish them as much as my other friends here. but wtv i was telling was falling on deaf ears. so for the sake of my well-being, i decided to keep some space between us, a wish i politely let them know
SMTHNG THEY DECIDED TO BLATANTLY IGNORE. DISPRESPECT.
despite me requesting for some space, they kept sending me dms. as if nothing ever happened between us!! as if they did nothing wrong to me!! i decided to reply as dryly as possible to them 'cause istg i hv not one ounce of interest to talk to them anymore, let alone chat
and well. this continued for a few days when all of a sudden. few days back, they again started how i hv been "ignoring" them. how i hv been acting distant to them and stuff. how much they love me [they said it AGAIN] and they want me to care back for them js as much
OKAY PPL. WHAT THE FUCK SHOULD I DO NOW. LIKE, I'M PISSED BEYOND LIMITS AND I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHAT I MUST BE DOING HERE
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r4zzberry · 1 year
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i have so many little doodles of pokemon trainers theyre sooo silly 2 me. anyways ermm, heres a few!. i have favourites…
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lots of these r just random unfiltered autism doodles tbh
BTW ALSO ERM, hc stuff for my vers of these sillies,,,
Kris is a transfem enby who uses they/them pronouns with gender neutral or fem titles
Lyra is pansexual and a she/her demigirl
Silver is transmasc and his gender is all over the place tbh, silly guy, a boything
Ethan is bisexual and probably amab he/him but also i feel like he wouldnt really care if u used fem pronouns and stuff for him, idk
and all 4 of them are in a polycue!
Lyra has ADHD, Ethan, Silver and Kris all have autism all 3 of the protags have things that theyve only done, so like, Ethan battled Red on mt silver, Lyra did the time travel stuff with celebi, Kris did all the stuff in the ruins of Alph and all the stuff with the legendary dogs. also u might notice that in the lil drawing i did of them when theyre like, adventure age and stuff- Kris dosnt have one of the johto starters— thats cus like, in my ver at least- okay so like, Kris and Ethan where childhood besties, but like, Kris’ parents r team rocket scientists n kris moved away from new bark when team rocket disbanded n stuff, and their parents moved to hoenn, so kris’s starter is from the hoenn region. anyways they moved back to johto bc their parents heard abt the whole thing with team rocket trying to reform so, yeah- oh yeah and while kris was gone, lyra moved in, and when kris moved back they felt like ethan replaced them so they where more off on their ownish and stuff, but thoughtout their adventures kris warmed up to lyra and reconnected with ethan :D
i have so many more thoughts jeijedijdhhsifmtyyahbrkoaosm but yeah! thats it for now :3 erm,, if u read this maybe lmk in tags or comments or whatever, um, comments and people actually saying stuff really helps and is like my main source of motivation to post art- i really wanna get more into the tumblr community around the sillay trainers but idk how to talk 2 people so like,, yeah if any1 wants to talk or chat or whatever just say :D! but also u dont need 2 , yeah, um, yea >w<
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i am literally violet harmon!!! she is me!!! guys i wouldnt normally say this but we r the exact age!!! although my bday is soon so that sucks :( i hate bdays. but i will be the same age taissa was when filming! did u know she was only 16! i like that because it makes it more realistic… i feel like all the actors now who plays teens are like 24! (sorry evan)!!!! but she is so amazing!! i could talk about violet for ever <3 i love her because of her style and personality… she was so well written!!!! although wish we got more solo scenes. she was amazing! she was in love which was TRAGIC 💔, she was emotional, listened to rock and dressed so cool!! but no!!! mum!!!! i dont smoke!!! i have never smoked a fag in my life and have only vaped a few times. she would probs hate vaping anyways because she smokes cigs. also ultraviolence is considered rock and alt pop so i can say i listen to rock!! right? anyways… feel like she would love lana del rey <3 i love her so much but who more… they are too different to say! but i love violet.. i love tate too.. tate girlie am i rite. no im violet so i have to love tate!!! and she loved morrissey!!! ME TOO!!! theyre from england too!!! a few years ago i was a lil obsessed w the smiths!! i stopped listening because it was sad and a sad time in my life but i listen to them sometimes!! i love violet smsmsmsmsmsmsmsmsm!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!! is this shitposting? anyway!! yes. i love violet. and her outfits so cute!! how she layers and wears very earth colours… red, purple, brown.. and florals !! v earthy and a grounded way to dress. shows clarity and confidence in the universe!!! fate and all that!! ✨ and she listens to grunge and rock.. well… i dont rrally listen to it too much. i listen to pop id say mostly but lana del rey mostly of all.. !!! by the way did you know she was originally written as a goth??? i dont wanna be goth so im happy. i feel like it wouldve been CLICHÉ yk!!! a goth.. who selfharms.. and kills herself… yeah no :). not a good thing. guys she killed herself 😭😭’you took so many’ OH NO!!! well i dont wanna speak to much abt this topic.. too sad. :( sorry! i love violet! and manga <3 she read nana! i havent read it its so expensive !!! one day tho <3 but what else.. she hates her parents. not me. i mean my dad a little but if u go where u no! anyways! praise violet <3
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i really don’t feel like a teenager ever
like i feel more like a 50 year old woman than a 16 year old girl. i don’t really talk w my friends abt anything but schoolwork mostly cause that’s the only thing my one school friend talks abt besides her bf and one hobby. i don’t talk abt current shows i gossip some but i find myself not really talking to ppl at all, i don’t go to the movies, i usually only go to the mall alone, when i go over to my bfs house sure we do teen stuff like kiss and cuddle but we don’t talk much mostly just touch, idk i just feel like i wasted all my youth and i feel like an old woman now like my life has been so much longer than it has been. i worry abt all kinds of adult things and i’ve never even really felt like a kid when i was a kid. idk i just see ppl my age having so much fun w their friends and such going places doing things and i just do most things by myself and my life mostly revolves around school rather than the few friends i have. i just feel kinda lonely but not really in a way that more friends would fix it i don’t want a huge friend group. what i miss was the feeling of friendship i had w my middle/elementary school friends it was mostly just the 4 of us and i’ve never had a connection like that since it’s just got me feeling weird abt myself. idk idek if this makes any sense to y’all. i made this acc and started blogging in it the summer before high school cause i felt lonely i lost 3 of my bestest friends and didn’t know what to do and here i am feeling such a similar way and i have been for awhile idk i feeel like isolating myself but i still crave that feeling of not being lonely. idk i’m hoping i can find that in college but i fear i’ll be too old to do all the fun high school things. everyone’s always busy and no one really texts or calls me anymore just my bf and we mostly text and then i ask if he can call. i just feel a bit casted to the side in ppls lives. y’all are really my new best friends cause i just tell y’all everything since i have no one else to tell no one else cares to know. i used to be so happy and idk what happened. i feel like i’m too young to be this sad and depressed these r supposed to be the best years of my life but i’m just angry sad and depressed 90% of the time. snapping at ppl and wanting to run away and go missing or smthn. just to see who comes out of the woodwork (if anyone) to help. i don’t feel like myself anymore i can’t even draw well anymore. like someone took my brain out and replaced it w a diff one. a worse one. i miss that excitement i had the fun other ppl seem to have all the time going out on weekends, going to games w friends, hanging out gossiping and chatting reading magazines. i feel stuck in this limbo of angst and sadness. there must be something wrong w me (more than there already is). i know i had to grow up fast cause of my parents who cause they were always working and my ma in chronic pain couldn’t take care of the house so i’d always spend all of my time cleaning and doing their work for them. i went away for 2 days once when i was like 10 and i came home and rhe house looked like a tornado went thru a frat house. i walking the door there were pizza boxes on the table cans a bottles on the floor garbage everywhere. idk i just feel like i’m too young to already be so tired w life.
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toruro · 1 year
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Talk about your moots; what do you like most about them (could be a paragraph or a single sentence, spread the love!!)
omg yes i love love … only doing this for the last few i interacted w though .. irly wish i could do more but i got so tired while writing these and it has been a long day :[
@rubyreduji guys do i even have 2 tell u how much i love jj?! U ALL KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM like i don't even know how it happened one day i'm interacting w him 4 the first time 2 bug him abt a jihoon fic i had planned and then BOOM we r evil twinning in the dms and then BOOM AGAIN he's listening to the 70+ vms i send him every day i love him so much >_< WE JUST GET ALONG RLY WELL and it's so much fun ... also jj just writes so much and he write so well ?! his ideas are rly unique too and whenever he mentions another story i'm like :o wow bc he is so WOW and i love his brain and i love how he is true to his woozidan identity (woozi having a separate masterlist altogether LOL) ... jj is just the love of my life if u guys couldn't tell i'm actually insanely territorial over him so actually he doesn't exist 2 u guys UR NOT ALLOWED TO PERCEIVE HIM IF UR NOT ME
@gyuswhore i love em sm okay first of all what drew me 2 her was her phenomenal writing?! guys i revisit her gyu fic more often than she knows HELPDKJ but ya and the stuff sh has in store 4 u all ... just u wait OKAY AND I JUST. I LOVE TALKING ABT WRITING WITH EM she genuinely helps me so much and i love the honest feeback she gives and she has encouraged me through 2 of my longest fics so far which means the absolute world to me >_< also i love her daily little updates and how she tells me all this stuff IT'S ENTERTAINING and also i love that we are able 2 have convos like that ... and she's also literally the prettiest ever. i kid u not mingyu would PICK HER. we also just understand each other's situations very well and feel the same way abt a lot of stuff which makes talking abt certain things easier ^^ ya i love em my desi sister P.S. SHE FEEDS MY DELUSIONAL MINGHAO REQUESTS (the way her only works for hao are reqs from me ... gfhdfksjd)
@cheolhub SAR SAR the sweetest ever like :[ sar was my first mutual when i started on tumblr and she scared me at first bc ... she was so a cool to me atthe time AND SHE STILL IS SO COOL. LIKE SAR IS SO COOL 2 ME but now i see that she is also so loving and caring and c: she will always hold a special place in my heart bc she was the first 2 dm me (I REMEMBER. BC WE INTERACTED ABT GETTING TIX TO TWICE AND WE TALKED ABT OUTFIT PLANNING ... funny bc the way we didn't figure out any outfits until literally june LOL) anyways ya also if u have read sar's works u probably know she is also insane and :c she is so amazing 4 helping me out too uifgjks i love sar sm
@etherealyoungk skye is so sweet :c also one of my first mutuals and i appreciate her so much 4 always checking in w me and just interacting w me consistently hehe ... she reminds me my hoshi pc as well whenever i look at it i'm like oh ^^ this is skye right here :3
@hwanghyunjinenthusiast only rly started interacting w rj recently but she's so funny like her reactions pics and feedback under fics genuinely has made me giggle and i love that ... and rj is just! rly fun 2 talk 2 as well and i can't wait 2 get to know her better hehe
@leejihoonownsmyheart the sweetest ever and omg her writing is so good ... brie don't downplay urself EVER bc it's so good and ^^ ur such a fun and positive person i will love u even if u don't like me bc i'm a capricorn hehjefjk
@lovelyhan guys stop i never shut up abt kai's writing but they are just so good at everything they do like! insane i'm insane and kai is just so cool to me kjfdskj ALSO. LOVE KAI SO MUCH BC THEY ALWAYS SEND ME TWTS ABT HAO AND it kind of drives me crazy but also it feeds me breakfast lunch & dinner so am i really complaining? basically kai knows me 2 well and it drives me insane in the best way possible
@ressonancee only became mutuals rly recently but thea is so fun and kind and auuugh don't even get me started on how amazing of a writer she is bc her jihoon and gyu fics literally took me to heaven and back like! augh! they make me feel so much and i'm so exited 2 continue to get to know her and more ^^
@userelv elv is so fun like we don't interact a lot but whenever we do it just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and anyways i'm gonna be collecting insane dk pics and save them up so i can send them to u one day w out warning c:
@wheeboo so funny and so sweet and also i feel get along rly well! i love the way she writes and we have a lot of common interests and i love talking abt kdrams w her hehe LIKE?!?! ME AND RANIA JUST HAVE VERY CHILL AND NATURAL CONVOS which i absolutely love and she is a person who is very calming 2 me ^^
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autistic-katara · 2 years
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cw transphobia/cw suicide/rant
disrespectfully, if ur the typa parent who treats ur kid coming out as trans as “ur little girl/boy dying” or u “being in mourning” and especially if u talk abt that infront of/to ur trans kid fuck you.
“let them have emotions” no, fuck that. u can have feelings like that or whatever, i’m not trying to police ur thoughts but 1. acknowledge that u need to work on those feelings for the sake of ur kid and 2. keep those feelings to ur fucking self.
and if u absolutely HAVE to talk abt them, do it privately, when ur kid’s not around, when no other trans kid who might be in a similar situation could hear. if someone asks u if u feel like that when ur kid’s sitting right fucking next to u just lie, or at the very least tell them uve been working on it (which u better have been.)
because it makes it seem like u think ur kid’s transition is abt urself (which i sometimes wonder if u mfs do think that), and it makes ur kid feel like they cant explore their own feelings abt them feeling like they killed the little girl/boy they used to be, even if its not related to gender or being trans at all, heck, maybe ur trans son feels weird abt thinking he “killed the boy he used to be” bcz of smthn else like depression or smthn and he feels weird abt thinking that bcz u talked abt how u feel in mourning for his past self and it made him feel super icky (or vice verca w/ ur trans daughter or enby kid).
parts of this go for other insensitive shit u could say to ur kid during their transition (“i’m worried it could be a trend” “hormones/blockers r just so dangerous”, comparing medically transitioning to girls developing anorexia due to diet culture, etc.)
i’m sorry, i know i should probably be sympathetic to parents going through a kinda (and partially rightfully) scary change but if ur saying or doing shit that negatively affects ur kid, even if u didnt mean it that way fuck u, idgaf abt how u feel abt it, how u feel like u lost a child, how u hate ALL surgeries (but especially an unnecessary one), how after a few hours of facebook research ur worried it could be a trend, how ur worried that using their name/pronouns might confuse their younger siblings (who would probably easily understand a simple explanation with the option to ask questions after if explained right), i do not give one single fuck abt ur self-centred, uneducated worries.
you might have good intentions or whatever but this shit is gonna kill your child, i’m sorry. and if it doesnt kill them its gonna make them hate u, both now and when theyre actually able to medically transition and live on their own.
and honestly, even if they do figure out “oh hey, i’m actually just cis but with a kinda complicated relationship to gender” i promise u they arent gonna thank u profusely for bringing up the worry that theyre not actually trans or making their transition so much harder and slower, theyre gonna hate u for making them scared to question their gender anymore incase u turn out to be right and u think u did the right thing which would both feel shitty for them personally for obvious reasons but might also hurt their trans siblings or the trans kids whos parents might be in the same facebook group or whatever.
and theyre very much gonna hate u for overlooking their feelings, doing stuff they know u know makes them actively suicidal, and not caring enough to look at actual resources for parents trying to support their trans kids better, preferably written by a trans person themself, and instead go to, again, ur mommy facebook group where ur bsf posts terfy memes and abt how “she doesnt want her teenage daughters in the same bathroom as perverted men!” (both “daughters” also being trans boys who coincidentally are both insanely suicidal, cope in unhealthy methods, and talk shit abt their parents the moment the topic of them comes up) and where they fear-monger abt how ur young impressionable girls (and probably boys too) are being taken advantage of by the evil transgenderism movement and how its a social trend for them to mutilate their bodies, “just like how girls would starve themselves to fit in when we were teens!”, and thats in the rare chance that they DO detransition.
anyways idrk what else to say other than support ur fuckin trans kids as much as u can, do actual research to support them, or dont be shocked when ur child tries to kill themself and/or doesnt speak to u anymore when their older, and when that happens i hope the pain u feel is as bad as half the pain we feel from having to deal with ur self centred transphobic bullshit that makes it feel like our parents dont love us and just see us as dolls and see our struggles w/ dysphoria as small irritation that surgery and hormones would be unnecessary to fix, and if u make ur kid feel like that i cannot stress this enough: Fuck. You. because you are the reason the child ur supposed to love, care for, and protect feels like this and wants to kill themself. just fuck you.
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sorey for being a bit. scary on main. i just finished madk vol. 3 which is finally out in english and i was so excited for it but the ending is a near closed-loop cyclical ending which always really bothers me n puts me in a state in nihilistic anxiety/dissociation idk but also. it just makes me wanna feel things again. i wanna stop taking my meds. ive had the upped dose for a week ish now n its bringing back my paranoia which should settle in a week tops but it's bothering me bc it means i cant listen to tma bc that's creepy enough to set it off. sorry i swear my mental health has actually been better these last couple of days im slowly regaining mental functionality to an extent but i keep slipping and falling and i just. don't have the spoons to figure out every problem i have and address them enough to be functional again. like there's the attachment problems w my ex which keep coming back every time i feel like jm getting over them, the chronic exhaustion and general symptoms of pots, my meds fucking with me, general depression but also manic episodes, the fact im way over budget but my mum wants me to get her a 60 quid fountain pen for her birthday/mothers day and im not going to be there to see her around that time anyway sso i have even less of an excuse to cheap out. and ive been committedly lying abt my mental state to my parents to convince them im getting better than i was at xmas even tho im worse bc my mum will come up here and invade my uni life if she realises how bad i am doing
ah yeah i hate when fiction leads to like a major dissociative bit especially bc i love to use media as an escape when im floating out my body and then it goes and makes it worse and sets off a chain reaction of pent up shittiness? the absolute worst fr
not to sound like an overbearing parent but pls take ur meds !!!!! ik it sucks rn getting thru the adjustment phase but think of how things will change once u get used to them! u may not notice a crazy positive change right away but think of the small things. like u can listen to tma again once ur adapted to ur meds!! even if it’s something small that gets u thru daily tasks like that. u could take ur pills in the morning and be like “this is for u martin”
and oh god ex drama we both know that one well. idk if it would help but maybe if every time u have a like thought abt them that makes u feel any way that’s great just text me ur thoughts to try and get them out yk. like how i texted u like “the voices!!” when i was talking abt my ex like the other week pls feel free to do that back if u think it would help
and exhaustion and depression suck man i wish i had some like quippy little tip or smthn for u there but i’m suffering right there with u on those. and maybe just the thought that we’re going thru that together could help? holding ur hand thru the horrors <3
and oh man money problems r the worse omg. ik u said the pen is like 60 quid and mothers day is coming up so idk what ur like personal budget is looking like but me when i’m trying to make bigger purchases is i set aside a few bucks a day like just a few dollars $2 or $3 nothing that seems like a lot just a little snack or drink price but somthing that adds up a decent bit when done for a few days straight and u have like two ish weeks till then right? so u could make a decent dent with that plan
and hey i’m all for lying to parents but i think u shoukd consider the possibility that u may need to ask for help at one point even tho that’s so hard and ur mom will get all up in ur business but maybe it could help. or u could think of ur daily life like ur mom is there or nearby as a way to like watch urself and try to control what ur doing if that makes sense?
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i have a kind of plot??? idea?? thought up about a ride the cyclone hunger games au, because i wanted angst and have been thinking abt the hunger games recently.
in the idea its the 25th hunger games, also known as the first quarter quell and the one where they vote the contestants in, because i think it would be a cool addition as it makes it a lot sadder. there could be a lot of bitterness about that
the main six get voted in from their districts, and end up in the hunger games. i don't have any solid districts in mind, but currently ocean is from one of the districts, maybe one ortwo, bcs her song is abt her being better and so she. should live which in my mind links to the careers and how the upper districts have a better relationship w the capitol other than three n look down on the other districts. mischa is from district eleven or nine bcs im p sure ukraine exports a lot of grain. noel is district twelve bcs i think he'd hate it, and it fits the whole let me. out this place is so stale and numbing, all dull and smokey and suffocating. ricky is from district three so i have a way to make it make sense that they have an aac. penny is from district ten because its the livestock district (livestock? lamb? get it? i'll stop now). and constance is from district eight bcs idk why not, or nine bcs grain makes bread and her family runs a bakery.
i will not lie i can only see karnak as the interviewer. sure hed work as a mentor but i keep seeing him as caesar (i think thats the interbiewers name). he has a flashy purple suit and a purple interview get up.
i have a few costume ideas but they r very basic and not that good tbh. pls keep in mind i have no sense of fashion
penny has a fluffy coat and white dress for the lamb imagery, it could fade into red to symbolise slaughter or smthn. red accents
noel's designer focuses heavily on smoke and he comes out in this dress type thing that looks like it leaves a trail of smoke when it flows. he def has a pipe as well.
rickys designer goes absolutely ham and creates an outfit worthy of the space age bachelor man. wires and funky colours and everything. very out there
ocean is dressed all smart and presentable, very put together. since i havent got a solid district i dont have many ideas
dont have many ideas for constance or mischa tbh
mischa's whole angle with the public is that he's strong and has motive to win in talia, so he has a fighting chance and more motive than the rest. ocean is portrayed as cocky and intelligent, and she will win because shes determined and won't let herself lose. penny is mysterious and odd, she stands out and makes an impression. constance is nice and charismatic and they use that to make the audience attached so they want her to win, and public approval is everything in the games. ricky is smart and crafty and his mentor tells him to lean heavily into that bcs ppl will write him off bcs hes disabled (in the au they let him keep his crutches which plays with canon a bit but i justify that with the capitol want things to be interesting and so at least try to keep the contestants alive. let them keep their crutches capitol pls). noel is interesting and they focus more on his ability to draw the audience rather than his ability in the arena, and his whole want to die tragically and want for things to be interesting is used to try and resonate with the capitol as a kind of "keep him alive he wont be boring promise pls dont kill him". idrc about the other tributes so they could be ocs or contestants from the book idk. theyre just sorta there.
i dont have many solid progression ideas, but basically one branch is nischa team up because i do in fact ship them. they talk briefly before the contest and sorta confront eachother in the arena but dont kill eachother, maybe one tells the others about poison berries or some other type of knowledge or they just see eachother and agree on a team up, and they go about in the arena trying to survive and defend themselves against the rest of the tributes. many injuries and bonding moments later and they make it fairly far. but since this was an au made with angst in mind at least one of the two dies, and the other gets all guilty about it. it can be. this big dramatic thing and if we're going the romantic route it could be they confess their love right on the brink of death and the other just has to deal with that finishing the games. sat grieving a love they can never explore or see through because the other died in their arms.
ngl this whole idea came about because i imagined nischa in the arena and noel dying and having this whole angsty moment in his death where he makes mischa promise to win and get back to talia. or he was like dying from an injurt and mischa refused to just leave and tried to drag him and there was angst about how noel truly didnt think he was ever gonna win anyway and how hes glad he met mischa and got to have at least some good before he died.
also ive thought of multiple conversations where they talk about why they want to go back and mischa obviously wants to go back for talia and his mother (in this au shes not dead yet but she is dying) but noel doesnt rlly see anything for himself and just sorta wants to die interesting. also their mentors were definitely screaming at eachother to just stab the other when they sleep or smthn.
doesnt rlly link to the past paragraph but i like to think noel got his hands on some old books about france and paris somehow and thats how monique came about. hes very careful abt mentioning this in the arena bcs they can and will murder his mother for that im p sure books from before are forbidden in panem oops.
theres so many angst oppourtunities as well. you could go down so many routes. fear from almost dying. guilt from killing someone. physical pain. anguish. the shock catching up to the contestants. the realisation theyre about to die. because theres no way in hell any of the choir was genuinely ready to kill someone or watch someone die. so much angst.
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