#and obvs we all know how big it still was and is with queer people

[bilestat]

imagine being this wrong so loudly

[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

HI HI HI long ask incoming :,,DD

so i have a transmasc muslim character from Malaysia, and i was wondering what the biggest no-no’s are when it comes to writing their transition? and, also, what is it like being a queer muslim in general?

being a queer and trans asian i understand enough (personal experience lol) but i was raised (unfortunately) in a predominantly catholic country that has a LOT of misinformation abt muslims. which sucks. i vaguely know that removing one’s hijab is a very delicate, sensitive thing to do. but what happens when the person no longer identifies as a woman, and wishes to present masculinely? or heck, even present a bit femininely, but still choose to identify as a man? how would a trans muslim go about presenting the way they want to, in the theoretical situation that they’re in a safe enough environment to do so?

hii <333 i want to clarify beforehand that this is a VERY sensitive issue, esp among muslims. cause us as muslims have faced enough misrepresentation as is, and some (i promise not me) may consider it insulting and misrepresentative for a queer muslim to exist (as if they dont already). just, be wary when approaching this subject

now, the issue here is that trans muslims are an EXTREME minority, and i mean extreme. not many people transition and still call themselves muslim. they either renounce islam, or hide their identities for the sake of safety. islam resembles christianity in a way—queerness is a big no-no. HOWEVER, in islam its not haram to BE these things, its haram to act like it (specifically, acting like the opposite gender. dressing like them, who you get married to, etc)

you have to be v delicate, since most ppl would not accept a trans muslim character (i say most bc there are ppl who wouldnt mind, but society as a whole generally would in fact mind)

you almost never see women decide to take off their hijab bc they dont identify as a woman. removing the hijab is taboo enough in muslim culture, but doing that due to not identifying as a woman anymore? BIG no-no

if, theoretically, theyre in an environment safe enough to do so, they still may find ppl unfriending them bc of it, or tryna convince them not to do so for their own safety

HOWEVER, i do have genderqueer friends irl who are still muslim, all of them afab. im gonna use two of them as an example (keep in mind we do live in a transphobic/homophobic society)

the first one (genderfluid but goes w any pronouns) was a hijabi before they stopped identifying as a woman, and they still wear a hijab. however, they do wear chest binders and more masculine style of clothing (e.g. no skirts). they still cover their awrah (the part of a muslim that should be covered. for men its from the navel to below the knees, for women its everywhere except the face and hands), but theyve become a lil more careless w the hijab (like wearing it looser)

the second one (he/they) isnt a hijabi, and they still have long hair. however, he also wears a chest binder, but still likes makeup and things like that. ik less abt this one cause we arent as close as me n the first friend, but thats what ik

and i also mentioned the awrah. keep in mind that men have a hijab too, just a different kind. "hijab" just means covering, n both genders have to cover personal parts. so your character may stop wearing a headscarf, but they still have to wear longer shorts n grow out a beard (and yes, growing out your beard is a must for men in islam. according to most scholars anyway, since the prophet pbuh did it)

if your character was previously a hijabi, you might make him more careless w the hijab (showing more n more hair until he eventually renounces it completely) n start wearing more t-shirts w jeans and things like that (search up "grunge hijab" n youll see what i mean)

it IS better to make a trans non-muslim in a muslim society, considering a lotttttt of muslims might find it offensive if theres a trans muslim, but obv i have no say in your character and in the end its entirely your choice <33 just be aware that its kinda like stepping on broken glass here

[carlyraejepsans]

So I'm about to ask something that might be personal ? And it deals with some personal baggage that you as someone on the internet might not be interested in hearing about ^^' so you might not want to talk about it as is your right obv !! So uh feel free to tell me to fuck off, but, how did you know you weren't cis?

Ya see, I've been questioning my gender for a while now, and I can't really come up with an answer. I'm a lesbian, that's a pretty big part of my identity, I'm not overly feminine but not masc either, when people refer to me as female I feel super uncomfortable, but I ain't too bothered by some of my body parts, ive daydreamed about switching to they/them pronouns online or masculine pronouns in my native language.... But all of that wouldn't fit with what people might expect of me ? And I'm scared if I actually went through those changes people might think I'm performing a form of queerness I shouldn't be privy to. And the worst part about this is, most of my friends are queer, non binary, trans... Wouldn't they think I'm trying to copy them ? Even though ive had those thoughts long before we met ?

Kinda feel like I'm stuck, and I don't know how to be myself, because myself might not align with how i act or how i seem to be on the outside. idk if you feel the same, but it's especially shitty living in a country with a heavily gendered language you can't escape adjectives forever lmaooo

listen to me. i am holding your face in my hands. nothing and i mean nothing you decide in regards to your gender and/or sexuality will ever be anyone's business but your own. the idea that you can "appropriate" someone else's experience with queerness is a gross bastardization of the discussion on CULTURAL appropriation, which is a false analogy and can devolve into gender essentialism fast.

you have no idea how many trans people (gay people too, but especially trans people) locked themselves in the closet because of that same feeling. of "not beeing privy to those experiences", especially for trans women. i promise, as long as you stop at establishing what a certain label means TO YOU and don't try to decide what it means for other people, then you will never hurt anyone. anyone who says otherwise is a cop.

there are trans men out there who lived as cis lesbians for a very long time, and because that was such a big part of their life, they still think of themselves as such, at least in part. for some it's out of kinship. for some it's out of genuine attachment to the word. same thing with gay men who grew on to become trans women. and trans people in general who still carry their younger selves right by their heart. genderqueers who ended up being cis after all, but who still feel like that period of exploration was crucial in shaping their identity. butch and femme alone, while particularly dear as lesbian identities, encompass all genders and sexualities. wanna know something funny? i throw terms around a lot in english, but if you asked me in italian what my gender identity is, i would say "bisexual". because almost every person in my life who's ever called me bisexual actually meant "nonbinary", or "whatever weird thing those transgendereds got going on lately" (some of them probably meant intersex as well, which just for the record i am not. as far as i know, at least). is it an outdated definition? sure. but unlike the literal italian word for nonbinary, bisexual is actually a neutral noun lol. and after all, my experience with gender does inform my sexuality, just as my sexuality informs my experience with gender. it's not wrong, technically. but if someone somehow assumes I'm a lesbian (which happens a lot lol) i don't usually correct them i just... go with it too, y'know?

anyway, what it sounds like to me is that you're obviously going through a period of questioning your gender and or presentation, which you took notice of, but you also feel some kind of peer pressure or societal expectation from other queer people that is denying you a safe, healthy form of self expression in this new period of your life that you obviously wish for yourself. please, try not to pay it too much mind. try out whatever label or description calls to you. change it without notice if you find something better. and if anyone gives you trouble for it, eat them. good luck buddy.

[yonpote]

Not to open a door, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. But I always saw dan as the more dominant one between the two and it’s so funny cause I know he is also babygirl, but I feel like a large part of the fandom always made him out to be a submissive bottom??! It kinda makes me wonder how that made him feel seeing all that talk back then,when in fact it might have been way different than the overall assumption. Like the stereotyping was UGLY!Cause again what indicating factors make a person a bottom? Again the discussion and speculation is not really important but they just gave us a little insight today and I would love to hear your take on it some more!

no worries, i think just to Close The Door i'll make this post and my old posts unrebloggable lol.

more under cut

i only mention this briefly in my original thing about this, but i really do think a big part of this stereotyping comes from the fact that the phandom was (and arguably still is) largely afab people whose initial views of male queerness in particular came mainly from BL and slashfic. and like, that is me literally describing myself lol.

i was about to write an entire dissertation on the history of BL and romantic fiction and its roots in misogyny but LET ME NOT..... short story is, because young fic writers were being inspired by other fic writers who were inspired by yaoi manga authors who were inspired by romantic fiction of olden times, those old tropes of an Aggressive Masculine Dominant Top and a Passive Feminine Submissive Bottom have just stayed in the fic community arguably to this day.

if we add on all the extra layers of these fics being RPF, read by fairly young teens, about dnp who were Actually Gay and in the closet and there being evidence out there of their queerness, and obv all of this taking place in the early 2010s when queerness in media was few and far between, it leads to a lot of people projecting their own ideas of dnp that were absorbed thru fiction and stereotypes onto the real dudes themselves.

in terms of sexual relationships, especially queer ones, it's almost never cut-and-dry. i know i'm joking a lot but i don't actually claim to know anything about what their sex lives are like lmao, i just like talking about this kinda thing because it's just interesting how these tropes that i'd like to think people nowadays realize can be quite harmful stereotypes are still kinda perpetuated until dan calls phil a power bottom outright lol.

[towerologist]

im convinced i already sent you an ask abt this but i cannot find it so maybe i hallucinated it? i am rewriting it cuz you are my coolest mutual and also bc its not like i can tell anyone in real life abt this

im Convinced my partner is at least partially transfem but its like. please how do i help em crack their egg

like for context some of the things that they do is: have extremely long hair, loves it when i call em a girl, loves to be called pretty, was so happy when i made em try my dresses, wanted me to put makeup and nailpolish on em, said that theyre fine with any pronouns, straight up told me they tought they were trans for like a week many years ago.... but they still call themselves a cis man

dont get me wrong i have brought this up w em like, as gently as i could, and they said that they kinda knew i had suspicions, and they questioned their gender too, but they are 99% sure theyre not trans. they continue to say they like any pronouns and smile so much when i use feminine pronouns w em.

so on one hand im like. this is your life, and obvs i cant force labels onto you, and sometimes people are just gender noncomforming. on the other hand, im preeeeeeeeettyvsure theres something deeper going on and i want to help my partner but i have no idea what to do

also its not like they dont have enough exposure to trans people, me and the other person in our friend group are both trans :p

I mean, honestly, let em know that they dont have to be a binary trans woman to be trans. If they feel fine with the label of cis man that is fine too! But you dont have to be uncomfortable or unhappy with your gender to be trans, often times someone with a more loose presentation might wonder for a long time because they dont fit the marks, but think 'im fine like this so i guess im not'. The thing is that it can be fine like that, surely, but it can be wonderful when trying other stuff. Honestly just let em know you'd hold their back whatever label they pick, and that labels are fluctuant and not something you gotta pick and stick with it. Also, they could simply not use any labels at all. One could be like 'well i dont think im a trans woman, i dont think im nonbinary, im def not a trans man because thats not my anatomy, so i guess im just cis', and while thats fine too, theres the option to simply be queer, or unlabeled. Let em know that they dont gotta pick something with any rush, that they dont need to define themselves in a word to fit in a twitter bio. If they find cis man descriptive for them, thats also wonderful! I find a lot of joy in seeing cis men use any pronouns and present femeninely. Someday in the future they might go for smth else, and it doesnt make their cis man-ness less true to who they are now, and their autodefinition of 'cis man' now isnt less because of what they might pick next. Make sure they know its a matter of preference and comfort, rather than discomfort and guidelines. Make sure they can be whoever they want around you, which im sure you already do. Talk to them about how they feel, ask them about what the labels they use mean to them and share about the labels you use and the meaning these have for you. We have all the options in the world, always, me, you, them, everyone else who exists. Nothing is permanent and a small change could signify a big joy. Im sorry if this is a big paragraph of 'just be yourself 🏳️‍🌈 :)', i could probably be of more help if i knew them but alas i hope this is something at least!

[renewingagain]

tuesday 27 august 2024 // 2pm

just went to manchester pride! got soo drunk pretty much 4 days in a row and did a significant amount of drugs lol. it was so fun though. went with james and tom and others tagged along. saw soo many people there and met such lovely new people too. met some cutie queer south asians which was amazing, i didnt know that manchester has such a big queer south asian scene but they were talking about how they have regular get togethers etc, it was so lovely to hear

im feeling a bit of anxiety heading back to brum now but i need to be kinder to myself - it is still ok to rest! its only been about two weeks (if that!) of being unemployed and moving home, i want at least two months before i have to do anything else :D i really need to let my mind and body rest now for a while

i said that manchester pride will be my last big blowout for a while now. i just want to look after my health for a bit and start getting fit again and prioritize my sleep. i ordered huel again so maybe this will help me slim down a bit and i can start running again etc etc. kish also left weights in the room at bibis house so maybe i can even start getting hench :p

FUNNILY enough i happened to bump into benjamin on the sunday of pride and it was heavyyyy. he was absolutely not happy to see me at first lol and he was very hostile in our first encounter and he ended it with saying something like ‘i think its best we dont really talk again’ it was weird and awkward and painful lmaooo so i wished him a happy pride and left

however he then ended up bumping in to me again at churchill later and apologised as he acknowledged he wasnt being very nice. i asked him if we could go outside and have a conversation so we chatted for a bit about us and albeit him being drunk he basically said he fell in love with me when we were dating.. if that really was the case then i can see why he was very very hurt by what had happened with us..

he didnt seem to think i was all that bothered about us ‘breaking up’ for lack of a better term but obviously i was! ive been thinking about him every day even still 🤣 and god i missed his smell.. the convo had to end after about 10 mins cus his friends were going to other clubs but we hugged goodbye and it was an ok ish conversation..

he messaged me the next day with a short stream of consciousness nnd said it was nice to see me and ive basically texted him again just to say sorry for everything etc … i am glad i got to see him again and hope we can find some closure from it

i think i regret us not continuing to speak and not trying to make it work but here we are - ive wrote before that i’ve met people before like lewie alex etc and i met him and i will meet other people! if life reconnects us then it does .. if it doesnt then it is what it is. a cliche but maybe he is the one that got away

im obvs feeling a bit weird anyway probably a slight comedown lol, but this next season and period for me is to just be kind to myself and to reconnect with friends and family here in birmingham. i am loved here

[sibillascribbles08]

I'm sorry the unpopular opinions questions are too good so I'm just going to say ace attorney

Oh god

❤: Which character do you think is the most egregiously mischaracterized by the fandom?

Franziska von Karma, easy answer, I don't really hate Franmaya or anything but so many people do not write her properly in that dynamic

🧡: What is a popular (serious) theory you disagree with?

I don't know a ton of AA theories tbhhhh (I don't browse the fandom a lot)

💛: What is a popular ship you just can't get behind, and why?

Franmaya, again, but it's mostly just cause of how it's usually written. (In some cases I've seen it handled well)

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?

I have nothing to say in regards to Edgeworth so second fav-- Apollo would not be the one to fall in love first are you kidding me absolutely not that boy is not the one pining he's far too focused on some other bullshit.

💙: Which character is not as hot as everyone else seems to think?

Look. Edgeworth is not that sexy. He's a great person and I love him dearly but he is NOT that attractive his uncle (?) is hotter I'm sorry.

💜: Which character is way hotter than everyone else seems to think?

Plum Kitake is the hottest character in the entire series bar none that woman is incredible oh my god.

🤍: Which character is not as morally bad as everyone else seems to think?

Thinking like Larry Butz mainly? Like yeah he does some stupid shit and also flirted with Maya that one time but he's?? generally a good guy? Doing his best.

🖤: Which character is not as morally good as everyone else seems to think?

Phoenix alskjdfalskdjf my man was manipulating the HELL out of Apollo in his game and also still hasn't told Apollo he and Trucy are half siblings like, this guy talks about how important the truth is and is sitting here withholding information like a mother fucker

💖: What is your biggest unpopular opinion about the series?

Turnabout Big Top is not as bad as everyone says it is.

💔: If you had to remove one major character from the series, who would you choose?

Phoenix. Deadass let some of the other defense attorneys have some character development. I'm tired.

💕: What is an unpopular ship that you like?

Hm ! I don't have a ton of AA ships but I did think about Trucy and Vera one day being a thing and it was v cute in my mind (after Vera takes some time to recover and branch out obvs)

📖: If you had to remove one book from the series, which would you choose?

I haven't heard good things about AA6

🏳️‍🌈: Which character who is commonly headcanoned as queer doesn't seem queer to you?

See this is tough because we all know every character in AA is queer except Straight Larry, but I will say Edgeworth is not as gay as people like to say asldjfk

💀: If you had to choose one major character to die, who would you choose?

Ahhh of a major character... ngl it would be funny if phoenix died but then just possesses maya and keeps on doing lawyer stuff, wild plotline

[remix-of-your-guts]

insisting that you're 'literally trans' over and over sounds kind of like the terf line about how everyone's non binary, so given that and your post history it looks really suspicious

okay i legit can't tell if this is bait or something because?? what???? i said i was "literally trans" one time because someone asked if radfems reblogging my post meant i agreed with their beliefs and i chose to interpret their question in good faith so i gave a legit answer. i haven't bothered to respond to a single comment from obvious terfs because im not into giving them the time of day.

i'm not sure how me simply existing as a trans individual is agreeing with the argument that terfs make to try and erase the existence of us that "everyone is basically nonbinary because gender isn't psychological at all it's just what's in your pants" (im assuming that's the line you're talking abt and if not then idk what that is) and that's frankly a bizarre leap to make. especially because i don't even call myself nonbinary, im just a genderqueer (as in my gender is inseparable from my queerness) transsexual man.

and just what the hell is suspicious about my post history? i've been posting about trans rights and trans-inclusive feminism since i started this blog, though i can't guarantee every hot take i've had on incredibly niche intra-community discourse aligns with my current beliefs (which mostly boils down to "internet discourse is stupid" and idc)

i don't understand the phrasing here as though i'm fighting widespread accusations of transphobia or transmisogyny when this is literally the first comment i've ever gotten insinuating something like that??? of course that's not including the terfs saying "so close bestie" right before calling me a "retarded tra" but since when do we base our claims of who is and is not a terf on what the terfs themself say, instead of what the person in question has actually said/done? plus making fun of how im "close but missing the point" because i said that a trans woman may have a bit of internalized misogyny is hardly saying i clearly agree with everything they stand for (in fact it's fundamentally about the fact that i dont). if thats what you consider being claimed by terfs, and if being claimed by terfs is what you consider the deciding factor in whether or not someone is one, then basically every blogger who's ever mentioned general feminism, periods, or being a woman on this website would be a terf (even trans femmes cuz ive seen posts from them accidentally get passed around terf circles without them knowing who op is). especially every transmasc on this website would be a terf then considering that they're so bizarrely determined to get us to join them while being violently bigoted against us and dehumanizing us (obv not to the extent of trans women but still it's hardly an effective recruitment tactic) and allying with the people that explicitly want our extermination.

i'd once again like to remind everyone that all i did was point out a woman who happens to be trans accidentally veering into perpetuating misogynistic stereotypes (something that i will call out even quicker when cis women do it, which they do all the fucking time) in a way that made it clear it wasn't a big deal and expecting no one except my followers (which i'm pretty confident in saying none of whom are at least obvious terfs) to see. hopefully we can all agree that trans women are not immune to accidentally perpetuating misogynistic stereotypes- not because of their gender but in spite of it because all women can be misogynistic because MISOGYNY 👏 IS 👏 NOT 👏 STORED 👏 IN 👏 THE 👏 GENDER

and for the record even in the tags of the og post i was saying that it's really sucky that people totally are going to overreact to this and give dylan disproportionate hate because there 100% is a double standard in how society at large responds to these things, and that terfs are going to use it as "proof." but i don't think that just because accusations of misogyny are often weaponized against trans women we can never engage in good faith criticism of them??? in fact i think that makes it very important to help each other make sure there isn't any grain of truth terfs can latch onto (by which i mean being conscious of misogynistic patterns for everyone in our community, including anyone who considers themself an ally to trans people, not unfairly policing just trans women).

however obviously i regret making the post now since it clearly just encouraged the transmisogyny hate-train. and has caused my asks and notes to be flooded with transphobic bullshit directed at dylan, obviously, but also at myself. seriously, i've been deleting all the anons that are from terfs (like ive always done cuz they've targeted me before) but it's been some nasty shit. and it's really fucking annoying having to block every one that crawls over here to tell me why i'm apparently retarded for being trans and supporting my trans sisters. (sorry about the r slur- their words not mine)

okay done talking abt this forever now

[hella1975]

You are the only fucking one with normal opinions about arcane and I Wish you were there to see when everyone’s tiktoks were full of nothing about arcane and everyone being feral over silco and his nasty ass and Viktor who is. Fine. The best of the topsiders but still involved in an overall boring plot unless it was about himself and his disability which were the only interesting parts on the top end. Or Vi and Cait and I Don’t Like Cait very much. Like she’s Fine but god she’s fucking dumb sometimes and doesn’t know when to shut up and I don’t like her in the game either. I wish we saw more Ekko in the show tho.

How do we feel about the thought of Ekko and Jinx’s fight feeling like Zuko and Azulas. Second part could you imagine if they interlaced the Zuko and Azula scene with them play fighting as kids like arcane did? I wouldn’t have survived that actually. Or the parallels of Jinx and Vi to Vander and Silco and the siblings who care for each other despite despite despite. Also! So many people were mad at Vi for hitting Jinx but that whole scene was a very human response? She (accidentally) killed like their whole family? She just had a big fight? I’m sure her adrenaline is through the fucking roof and people forget she’s also a child at this point. She immediately regretted it and walked away to calm down and then got picked up before she could come back and help or fix things. Like obv that’s not the best thing she could do but I don’t think she was in the head space to gentle parent her sister. I have so much to say about this show and everybody else had such different opinions on the whole thing 😩

OMG OMG YES EXACTLY okay i have several things to say about like. all of this so im bulletpointing lmao

silco - WAIT WERE WE SUPPOSED TO LIKE SILCO??? WHAT??? like even in a 'villain who was justified' or even 'villain you can sympathise with if not justify' i just genuinely wholeheartedly dont like him. looking at an incredibly mentally ill girl and saying she's perfect is not a redemption. putting drugs into your own streets and getting your own people addicted to the point of being loyal to you is not a redemption. there is literally nothing good about his character. im pretty sure i put in the tags the first time i really saw him that basically his anger towards topside was 100% justified and even his desire to use extreme measures after so long being ignored, but you totally lose that the moment you turn on your own people. like okay mr manipulating class traitor of the year respectfully i was not upset when you died

viktor - i was soooo disappointed by viktor's character bc i genuinely REALLY wanted to like him like i was so intrigued by his disability and i love that he's a nerd and an underdog and can be abrasive at times and i thought there was SO much potential with him being from the undercity, but he was just so so passive and half the time i was just angry at him and shouting at the screen. like he's watching these toffs who dont know anything about the undercity - and havent even been there - discuss the future of people JUST LIKE HIM and he just allowed it. he only cared about his inventions and maybe that will be explored in season 2 bc it seems like they're taking a narrative where it shows his obsession to the point of detriment (what happened to that assistant that fancied him) and he'll possibly change for the better but as of right now he's just completely forgotten his roots and only remembered the undercity when it benefited his inventions. he went off with 'in the pursuit of great, we forgot to do good' though like i'll allow him that much that quote fucks stupendously

cait - same hat as viktor i REALLY wanted to like her bc it seems like we might actually be getting queer rep and i dont want to hate 50% of the couple but my god is she ignorant. and actually ignorance isn't the problem it's not a crime to be oblivious and it's not her fault she was born into a better life than vi, but it was her insensitivity with her ignorance that bugged me like girl just SHUT UP SOMETIMES MAYBE???? like it's very easy to look at a situation you haven't been in and go 'i would never have said that in a million years' but i can still safely say that if i was in the slums surrounded by victims of horrific addiction who have been turned on by even their own people and now live in the most extreme clutches of poverty, and i was there with a girl raised in this environment who only knows how to fight and has been beaten down again and again and has spent the past few years in prison, something im intimately aware of as the person who BROKE HER OUT, then i wouldnt go 'i think this is a good time to be accusatory about her homelife actually'. like literally what the fuck was the thought process. and it wasn't a one time thing she did it ALL the time i genuinely dont know how vi didn't hit her she's so lucky she's hot

zuko and azula - WHY WOULD YOU SAY THIS TO ME MY GODDDD like that tiny snippet of them playing in the palace garden as kids except it's an entire scene of parallels to them in the agni kai. despicable

vi hitting jinx - i actually laughed out loud when i read that people are apparently getting aggy about the fact vi hit jinx. i have to assume people making those takes dont have siblings. i have hit my sister for far less and can guarantee if she accidentally killed all my loved ones then she'd be getting an awful lot more than a slap to the face. siblings fight. it's literally a universally accepted fact. it's not FUN or GOOD but it still happens and 99% of the time it's over shit much less serious than what these two were fighting over. touch grass

[himbodiaz]

.

under a readmore bc im sleepy and rambling and like all of this has been said before and its like all v obvious so like feel free to ignore bc i will not be proofreading and will probably repeat myself

when they do have buck and taylor breakup, there really is no way that they can make anyone buck and eddie’s endgames but each other. like i don’t see how you can have them both get girlfriends right around the same time, and then both have them be single within six months of each other, and then still try and set them up different endgames.

like with the way both their relationships were disasters, and then the will reveal, along with one of the most romantic scenes in the whole show being between buck and eddie. i dont get how someone could watch and not think that they’re going to end up together.

like there’s just been too many other things too. and i get that the point of all of it is endgame buddie. but sometimes i think about it and it’s like. wow. we really are going there.

i think the thing im most excited to see is how they handle eddie coming out, because i don’t think we’ll get two in depth arcs for that. like i can picture a scene in my head where the first time eddie says he isn’t straight (whether that be gay, bi, queer, or whatever) it’s in therapy, and it’s something that he both can’t hold back from saying, but also something that chokes him up and gets stuck in his throat.

like, are they going to ease viewers into the idea that eddie isn’t straight? because obv we know he isn’t. but the general audience? what do they think? especially those who aren’t queer themselves (which i think makes up a pretty big demo for the show but i don’t actually know for sure). like recognizes like and eddie looks awfully familiar, but can the cishets tell he’s Different from them?

it’s probably not an issue at all, but i worry for bad reviews and people who don’t understand seeing eddie come out, after being presumably straight for the whole show. like i trust the writers to tell the story in a way that makes sense and in the way they want to tell it, but i just worry is all.

i don’t know what im saying anymore. so like i’ll stop here goodnight <3

[skepticalarrie]

It's apparent we have no way of knowing and it's all speculation, but I really would love to hear what you think, what are your thoughts/predictions ab hl future? It's evident harry and his team are pursuing long term global success and legacy. He doesn't seem to want to slow down or disconnect from the scene. Louis hopefully wil be given all the chances now. I'm not exactly seeing settling down, family stuff and all that jazz, or co (obv they don't have to). What are your thoughts on this?

Hi anon! I think the settling down and the coming out are not the same thing, quite the opposite actually. Coming outs can be used as a huge promotional push, although risky. I always say it’s a process and I do see huge progress on Harry’s image, I think his fans are much more willing to accept him as an out queer artist now than years ago, for a while now people are looking for artists who represent minorities, it’s a change of behavior that is not going anywhere soon. But of course both the music industry and hollywood are still extremely homophobic and heteronormative, so baby steps.

I think we’re making huge assumptions here on discussing the reasons behind Harry going for being a big artist right now, since there’s no way to know what they want from their careers, for their lives. But they’re not stupid, they know how to play the game, I trust them to do what is best for their lives. We can guess, discuss and support them (or not), but we don’t have a say on that. So it is what it is. Plus it’s so hard to know and understand Louis’ situation right now, so thinking about an actual timeline is impossible. But IMO they will come out as soon as they can and as soon as it’s “safe” to do so in terms of their careers. And as for settling down and having a family, they are not even on their 30s, so I’m sure it’s on their long-term plans but it’s not like Harry’s uterus will be too old by the time he’s 36 so they need to hurry 😅

[anexlarrieblog]

Well I am back

I feel like I’ve always been and on and off larrie based on how depressed I was? So when I was good I wasn’t one and it seems like the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard . I left after Danielle maybe ? And then came back after Harrys first album came out . Really bad time in my life 2017/2018 so it makes sense lol .I think a conclusion I made was that to people Larry is more about themselves but don’t want to actually say it .

Anyway I’ve always said that the fandom doesn’t treat harry right and turns little things into problems that don’t exist and focuses so much into making Louis the victim when it comes to him everything they don’t agree on it’s the management or someone else doing . So obviously he hated Eleanor ,his friends and everyone else knows he is not straight .The baby is not his duh

So when fine line came out obviously everyone was angry but me ? Like I obv didn’t like camille but I was excited for new music unlike others but I still stayed a larrie .

I had to explain myself every single time I didn’t hate harry lol. Like how dare you listen to his STUNT SONGS and like them? How can you like the lights up MV ? Or his art for that matter . I think at that point I was slowly not believing in it ?

And then covid happened . And all the theories from big larries didn’t make sense . They got more angry at the WS music video and I didn’t . They got angry at this stay at home charity tshirt but I didn’t . They got angry because he wasn’t in London with Louis but I didn’t . To me it made no sense . This virus that was killing people was happening,why would they wouldn’t just try to be together if it seemed like everything was so bad in the world.

Fine line made harry HUGE during that time . You were suppose to kinda of say sorry for harry being your favourite because he has Jeff and everyone likes him and Louis is still sabotaged !!(later on louis leaves and has the power to do that lol so that makes it even funnier now )

Then I decided to look back at everything and I looked at it without the bias side I had on as a larrie and Everything changed .

Then obviously the whole Olivia thing happened and it just didn’t make sense for someone to ruin their reputation and have their life questioned over ‘helping a guy stay in the closet ‘ because harry was never in the closet . Every tweet about Larry from Louis ,every video and every conversation from ‘insiders ‘ made sense now :We basically made it super awkward for them to be friends,we told a straight dude he doesn’t know who he is and that his baby is fake - And we kept insulting a teenagers for having a dating life calling it the ‘womaniser ‘ imagine lol . He made a queer guy feel like he had to explain his sexuality and if he doesn’t ‘officially come out to us’ he’s still in the closet until he’s out BUT WITH LOUIS.

Thanks for coming back and telling me your un-larrying experience! Larries defos consider themselves to be Louis’ saviour and are more ‘protective’ of him and see him as the victim 100%. I think because Louis is very obviously straight and they like to explain that away by pretending he’s ‘extra closeted’. They also hate Harry’s success and the fact that he has made comments suggesting he may be into men and celebrates the LGBT+ community so openly. Larries can’t stand it deep down as it doesn’t explain why hes able to do this and Louis isn’t.

On a side note, even as a Larrie I loveeeed Danielle. I was so sad when she and Louis broke up lol.

[disasterbialert]

So, I finished The Untamed and ok ok I think I have collected most of my thoughts about it. (I’m late, so I guess these thoughts don’t really matter, but I wanted to put them somewhere and here seemed like the place.) SO here’s a post absolutely NO ONE WANTS and imma do it anyway cool cool.

Firstly: love. This entire show is about love. Obviously other things too ok I’m simplifying for the sake of my point. But importantly it is about love. The love for our families, found, made and blood. The love of soulmates, romantic and platonic. The love of humanity, of the people known and unknown, love for them purely because they are human and are therefore deserving of love. The love inherent in honour and duty, the sacrifices made for that love. Loving someone—bravely, in the face of every adversity, despite being told it’s wrong. Learning to be true to that love, learning to love faithfully, learning to love, to show love, to be loved.

Bless the tireless translators. Y’all. The work you do is often thankless but y’all are so valued. Thank you.

The music. I actually don’t have the words for this, I can only thank the composers and musicians for the gifts they have blessed us with. My heart my heart my heart.

The costumes, set, props and cinematography are all so exquisite. I’m not an expert in any of these fields but I can see the care and detail paid to each facet of this show. What an absolute visual joy. Stunning.

And now, the characters.

I’ll start with the ladies. They deserved so much more. We deserved to have more than just one by the end, but I understand this wasn’t their story (still hurts tho).

Jiang Yanli. Proof that kindness is powerful. Her heart holds entire worlds. She is not weak (don’t even try me I swear to the gods). She holds her family together. She takes care of her siblings. She feeds their bodies and their souls. WWX is right—JZX does not deserve her but that’s because nobody does. But Jiang Yanli deserves to be happy, therefore her marriage to the Flower Peacock is valid purely bc it makes her happy. She stands up for what’s right, she will not compromise her morals, she will defend her family to her last breath (and so she does💔). She does not harden herself, she does not have to. Her patience and kindness, her softness, her gentleness—things that are seen as weaknesses or inferiorities—are what put her above all around her. She is gracious, she is strong, she is loving, she is determined, she is brave. She deserved better.

Wen Qing. A queen. A powerhouse. The most brilliant mind. A lightning-quick and sharp-bladed tongue. She loves Wen Ning so much and her love is powerful, just as Jiang Yanli’s. Her dedication and devotion to her people, her true family, not just a name, is incredible, inspiring. Why? Because she’s not perfect. So she learns. She grows. She becomes herself. When she’s at the Burial Mounds, she essentially adopts WWX as another younger brother, caring for him because she knows he won’t care for himself, and she does so out of love and respect. But she never replaces Jiang Yanli. She is keenly aware of all she perceives WWX loses because he aids them. Hence the pivotal, crucial: I’m sorry and thank you. She walks to what she knows is her own death with her head held high and her hand in her brother’s, offering love and support and what protection she can to the end. She does not flinch. She does not bow. She fights with all of her and surrenders with grace not reflected by those she surrenders to. Honestly I could write an entire thesis on Wen Qing but I’ll cry too hard so I’ll just leave it here that she deserved better, she deserved to live, she deserved to be free.

Mian Mian. Mian motherfucking Mian. Here is a woman who stares injustice full in the face and says no fucking way, says over my dead body, says you and what army old man. Strips the robes of the hypocritical off her own damn body, throws them at the feet of a false god and walks out, back straight, head held high. She makes her own way in the world, carves out her own life, finds love and happiness and lives. She does not compromise. She does not bow. She fights and she wins and she is glorious. And she lives she lives she lives.

Yu ZiYuan. I may be in the minority here but that’s ok. No I don’t approve of her abuse, just gonna nip that one in the bud right out of the gate. Was she fair? No. Was she cruel? Yes. Was she an incredible fighter who fought for her family, for her home? Who showed raw courage and furious strength in the face of insurmountable odds? Who loved a man with her whole bitter heart, loved her children with that same fractured heart? Was clearly the subject of spiteful rumour and vicious gossip and did not let it defeat her? Refused to bow to anyone? I do not like her, do not like how her bitterness made her cruel. But seeing her wield her blade, take wound after wound, witness the death of her love, then take her own blade and rob the monsters invading her home of the satisfaction of taking her life, took her own life with her own hands because that’s how she did everything in her life so why the fuck wouldn’t she do it in death too, who crawled her way to the man she loved, laced their fingers together so he wouldn’t die alone, so they could both die held? How can I not respect her.

Ok. The lads.

Jiang Cheng is a man-child idiot with the emotional expression range of a loquat, an inferiority complex the size of the moon and self-worth issues going back farther than the Big Bang, and I love him, ok? He loves so hard and so much and it is heartwrenching that he cannot communicate that. Some of his best moments are actually in the background, which is both funny and terribly sad. His rage is at times ridiculous, at times frustrating, at times all he has left, his joy is bright but brief, his grief is devastating. Watching JY greet WWX after the 3 months in the Burial Mounds. The entire temple scene. Crying on his knees. We were to be the Heroes of Yunmeng. Take care. Fuck me right in my feelings ok.

Wen Ning is so fucking precious and I would die for him for all eternity. What an absolute gift his character is. I honestly can’t write much more about him because I’ll cry. But special mentions to his interactions with A-Yuan/Lan SiZhui and the incredible scene where he reveals to Jiang Cheng the truth about his/WWX’s golden core. Unparalleled emotional intensity. The equal parts tenderness and fierceness of his love is breathtaking.

And the loves.

Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen. There is a lot of tragedy in The Untamed. There is great sadness in the main plot line and even in the small side plots. The Ballad of Song Lan and Xian Xingchen (as it’s come to be known in my head) is for me the most devastating and poignant. They just wanted to do good, to wander the world together and do their part to make it a better and safer place. It’s noble, yes, but it’s also so human, so close to home. Because we all want that, to know that we can do some good before we leave this world. They do not want to be involved in the petty squabbles, the undignified and cruel vying for power and dominance. They simply want to live and be. The fact that both of their deaths are pointless, could have been avoided, are the faults of poor timing and terrible terrible luck and cruel turns fate is almost what makes it sadder. Xue Yang screams that XXC is not better than him, that his righteousness and the righteous way he has attempted to live his life is all for naught. And then he is immediately proven wrong—XXC’s heartbreak means he can’t become XY’s puppet. SL is free from XY’s control and avenges himself and XXC. Which is also somehow just as devastating. That XXC and SL were so close, so very close to being together, to living, to making it, but didn’t. Nothing grand or heroic about their deaths—just the unknown and unpredictable nature of life. There is no rhyme or reason, no big important plan, no fate or destiny. They both simply die as we all one day will. And it is their potential cut short, the love and life they could’ve had, that hurts the most. They are not Lan Zhan and Wei Ying: they do not get their second chance, their reunion, their happily ever after. The look shared between SL and LWJ—the shared grief, the recognition, the understanding—and LWJ’s brief and unelaborated-on comment to WWX ‘how fortunate’ speaks volumes. How fortunate you came back/I found you/that’s not us when it could’ve been. That final shot of SL walking away and the brief out-of-focus moment of XXC walking beside him—particularly when it’s echoed with the parallel of WWX and LWJ—chokes me every time.

Wei Ying and Lan Zhan. Soulmates in every sense of the word. Their song. Their bunnies. Their child. The years they were robbed of. The yearning. The pining. The loyalty. The growth. The love the love the love. The loss the loss the loss. Every Lan Zhan. Every Wei Ying. Every glance. Every soft breath. Every gentle touch. The tenderness. The intimacy. The quiet acceptance. Their love story is one of the ages and, on a personal note as a queer person, what a gift it is to see a queer love story like this. (even when censored as a bromance, which like I mean, they tried but the glances alone are +9000 gay pining but whatever and yes I am making a joke because I’m crying don’t look at me)

TL;DR: I am so thankful The Untamed/CQL/MDZS and all of its adaptations (the source material included obvs) exists. I am so thankful to the writers, translators, casts, crews, creators. I am thankful for the community of fans that exist that love it as I do, who share that love and passion—whether through passionate discussion, rich fanfic or mind-blowing fanart. I am thankful I live in a time where content like this exists and can be shared. I learned a whole lot and I’m so grateful there aren’t even words. Love y’all. I’m gonna go be soft now. 💙

[samwrights]

About Me~

I just wanted to say thank you guys so much for 1k! 

Seriously, it’s such a blessing to be able to wake up and interact with you guys—seeing people’s reaction to my work has been so enriching and therapeutic for me, I can’t even put it into words.

So for us hitting 1k, I’m doing two things—one is letting my husband actually read my work (something that I never ever do) and the other is giving you guys a proper face reveal (which I know I teased a few days ago) and an “about the author” section.

I love sharing my life experiences, which I do through writing, and different hobbies that I do. So I guess, without further ado, it’s nice to officially meet you all!

Thanks to the mobile bio, many of you know that my name is Sam and that I’m twenty six. Also, through not so subtle hints, I’m in a domestic partnership (see: my husband) with some dude named Rob. Rob’s an angel and he puts up with my chaotic energy somehow.

Chaotic in the sense that I never stop doing things. 76 percent of my time is dedicated to starbucks, whether I’m on the clock or not, while the rest of my energy is divvied up between writing, reading, and playing pool.

As I’m sure many of you have figured out, I have a love for writing. It’s been a solid hobby of mine for over ten years. However, thanks to le hubbs, I’ve also spent the last four years playing competitive 8-ball. It’s actually a very large portion of my life outside of here—Rob and I have competed in a worldwide competition held in Vegas for the last three years. Each qualifying tournament is such an emotional event in which I am heavily invested in and, oddly enough, the love and passion we have for pool is what sparked our interest in Haikyuu. I suppose that our sport is part of the reason I decided to revive this blog. I was actually in Las Vegas last year when I decided to go on hiatus to focus on my schooling. I’m currently an organizational leadership student with Arizona State University after a six year hiatus (are you starting to recognize a pattern yet?).

I tend to take breaks quite often because, as I mentioned, I never stop doing things. Sure, eventually old hobbies take the back burner; drawing, painting, gaming, tattooing, make up, hair, cooking, baking, a myriad of musical instruments, and singing are some prime examples. Once in a blue moon, I’ll sit down and pound out a new look if I’m lacking creativity or go for a drive and sing old songs that I used to listen to in high school if I need a break from whatever’s on my current roster of hobbies. Though, when it comes to my big three, hiatus isn’t as common as, you know, college.

Despite my chaotic, to-and-fro movements between my hobbies, I do actually have a few consistencies in my life as well. For one, I’m the “mom” friend. I’m the one everyone comes to for life advice whether it be that stupid s/o that’s been ghosting you or how to properly budget to make sure you can eat dinner for a week. And if you can’t, well it looks like I’m taking you grocery shopping or out to eat.

Speaking of mom—I’m a fur mom as well. I got a chinchilla who’s well past his life expectancy and loves playing dead to scare dad and I, a cat, and a really really annoying pup that I love dearly. My little family is probably the most consistent part of my life besides my nicotine dependency.

What else, what else.....

I dunno, let’s move onto my irl FAQs just for the sake of covering all the bases.

Tattoos—24; my favorite one is the sword on my arm

Piercings—14

Star sign—Leo

Favorite band(s)—The Front Bottoms and The Story So Far

Favorite video game(s)—The Sims, Final Fantasy X, and everything that is The Legend of Zelda

Favorite tv show(s)—Parks and Rec, Futurama, Queer Eye

Favorite anime(s)—Yu Yu Hakusho, My Hero, Fruits Basket, and obv Haikyuu

Favorite movie(s)—the entirety of the MCU. And I really really love Spies In Disguise. Also Mulan and Hercules.

Show us your kneecaps—we pretend 19 year old Sam didn’t tattoo roses on her kneecaps, ok?

Why tf are you so loud?—I was a cheerleader for ten years, dawg. It’s in my blood.

Are you still taking requests?—until I physically say no, the answer is yes! But after reading this, it’s pretty evident that I don’t have unlimited amounts of time. I am always doing something.

Which, on that note, I’m gonna cut the bio here. Thank you all again for taking the time to read my work—it means so so much to me and I hope you continue to read in the future.

xox with love,

Samwright

[flamingodingo]

Merlin- S1:E1- The Dragon’s Call

Hey so I decided to rewatch Merlin because I never quite finished it and don’t remember what happened enough to pick up where I left off, and I thought I’d blog my thoughts about it! All I really remember, besides the obvious, is how remarkably shippable Arthur and Merlin were despite that clearly not being the writers intention. I have a feeling I’ll come to the same conclusion with this rewatch, especially since I’m starting out with my gay goggles on, but who knows?? Let’s gooooooooooooooooo

**obv this will not be spoiler free but A. The show has been over for a long time and B. all spoilers will be under the cut**

Hey so now that I’ve done this, I’d decided I don’t want to continue because I simply don’t care that much about this show. So, sorry if you enjoyed this, don’t expect any more.

Colin Morgan is honestly the most adorable little nugget of a man <3

Ok this CGI effect for the reveal of the kingdom is .... not good actually .... 

The score, however, is gorgeous. I mean we all know the main theme is a bop but just listen to the music as he looks around here, it’s so grand and fantastic.

All of this video quality is actually just not great, when the heck is this from again? *googles* It aired in 2008. I feel like 2008 TV looked better than this but I was also only 10 so what do I know.

I love Uther’s style of crown. It’s very simple and dignified.

I truly can’t imagine why people would choose to attend an execution. Like, what compels someone to go witness something like that? I know the past was boring, what with the lack of television and the illiteracy of the general population, but how do you get so bored you go watch someone get beheaded for a bogus crime like “conspiracy to use magic”?

LMAO these effects are corny as hell actually- re: sorceress disappearing in the wind.

What a weird welcome to Camelot for Merlin.

I like how Gaius just interrogates this stranger in his house about his magical ability with no idea whatsoever who he is.

Gaius is like a million years old and he still has a better hairline than me, honestly how rude.

Loving Morgana’s willingness to tell off Uther.

Uther says Morgana wasn’t around 20 years ago, how old is she supposed to be?

Traveling in the past must have been fucking terrifying. Even with guards, I can’t imagine just pitching a tent in the middle of the woods on my way to wherever and sleeping peacefully. If you’re out there traveling, who knows who else might be?

It’s so incredible how far we’ve come with special affects. That sorceress melting into the singer lady must’ve been relatively impressive when this aired and now I just chuckled at it.

Arthur is such a dick and I hate it but fuck he’s so handsome.

Merlin is such a good boy to stand up to Arthur. I mean, even not knowing he’s the prince, that’s still a pretty bold thing to do to someone who is obviously still wealthier and more powerful than you, particularly when he has a whole gaggle of idiots to support him and he’s just proven he knows his way around a weapon.

“Do you know how to walk on your knees?”  “No.”  “Would you like me to help you?”  “I wouldn’t if I were you.”  “Why? What are you going to do to me?”  “You have no idea.” Who wrote these lines and then let them say them so remarkably homosexually? Like really, truly, who watched them act this scene and went “Ah yes, this tension is exactly perfect and does not feel at all sexual”?

Do you think Uther knows his son is a gigantic asshole? Like, do you think if he found out Arthur had Merlin thrown in jail just for calling him an ass, he would have had him freed because “well he’s right, you know”? Probably not.

Gwen is so incredibly beautiful <3 And she’s kind, too. What a lady, I love her.

Interesting, the actors are saying Guinevere, but the subtitles are saying Gwenhwyfer.

I can see how throwing food at people in the stocks would be fun, actually, especially if it’s like someone who pickpocketed you.

Choosing to keep one dragon “as an example” is basically asking for someone to come free that dragon. It is immensely hubristic to assume that nothing would go wrong with that.

Ok I know that doll in “Lady Helen’s” room is kind of sketchy but especially as someone who doesn’t know anything about the materials required for magic, I have no idea what prompts Merlin to start going through her stuff.

“Lady Helen’s” purple dress really does something for me. That’s a great cut and color, thought tbh the material looks kinda cheap.

I love Merlin’s little neck scarf thing. Maybe I should get one of them. It’d look exceptionally queer on me.

Alright so that bit earlier with the blind man was questionable but this whole “deaf as well as dumb” comment really isn’t necessary. I know Arthur is an asshole and also it’s 2008 so I don’t really expect better, it’s just still gross. We’ve taken some big steps in the US re: LGBTQ+ folks and recently there has been a surge in the push for racial justice, I hope the next movement that gets some extra traction is disability rights. So much ableism is embedded in our language, culture, and comedy and it’s really not ok. We have a lot of work to do.

“I could take you apart with one blow.” “I could take you apart with less than that.” THIS IS VERY GAY IM SORRY IT IS JUST INCREDIBLY GAY

I have no idea where Merlin got all his audacity but I really enjoy it. Like, “How long have you been training to be a prat, my lord?”? That’s gold.

“There’s something about you, Merlin. I can’t quite put my finger on it.” THIS IS ALSO QUITE GAY

Merlin is SO dramatic, how old is he supposed to be?

I mean his dramatics are a bit, uh, dramatic, but he really is just sweet and lost and scared. I can’t imagine having all that power, totally effortlessly, and not having any idea why but knowing I can’t use it.

Merlin sleeps in a room, but Gaius sleeps in the middle of his workshop. so, did Gaius give up his room to Merlin could have one? That’d be incredibly sweet.

There is a candle burning on Gaius’ nightstand while he sleeps. That’s a fire hazard? 

Why the fuck was the gate to get down to the dragon open?????? 

I’m so distracted by the quality of these special effects. They’re not like truly horrible but they’re not quite good yet either and I think it’s the inbetween state here that’s getting me.

Merlin has this habit of entering rooms really quietly and it really seems to be how he gets himself into trouble quite often.

While I am on the Arthur/Merlin train 100%, I see and respect Gwen/Merlin shippers. They’re both horrendously awkward, it’s very funny.

Morgana’s dress is so hot.

“Lady Helen’s” dress is fugly

I wonder what language this song is in.

This lip synching is really bad omg

Imagine being so out of touch that you think making someone your son’s servant is a reward. Like I get that working in the royal household is an honor or whatever but he’s still literally a servant

Ok but how is calling Arthur Merlin’s destiny NOT gay? I mean come on. 

[heeres-suffering]

Be More Alluring: a Personality Swap AU

[pic description and source will be at the bottom of this post, under the read more]

Start of summary:

“You need to be more alluring.”

"... don’t you mean attractive?”

“I do not. Your attractiveness is adequate, Brooke; if you want to mask your apparently latent queerness, you have to make them want you straight. Isn’t that why your step-father defended you?” 

Brooke Lohst is a loser.

But you know what? That was okay.

She always knew she was a weird one. The intensity of her affection for puppies, picture books, and near-constant daydreaming has lasted well-past a normalcy she can’t seem to grasp; when coupled with her inability to befriend anyone (besides the similarly self-identified loser Michael Mell), it’s not a surprise the rest of her peers have left her behind.

However, there were... ah, worse things in her life to worry about then some mild bullying. She liked her passion well enough, and all of her true insecurities went largely unnoticed, so any insults or weird looks rarely lingered in her mind. It’s not like she was a constant target either, which helped a lot. All in all, she just planned to hunker down, wait out the awkwardness of High School like everyone else, and move on to the rest of her life... 

Except.

When Brooke develops a crush on a girl she’s never talked to, after years of avoiding fairy tale romance and trying not to think about the inevitability of marriage (or how finicky her attraction to boys is in the first place), it feels like her whole world is about to cave in. She’d do anything to make sure her parents, especially daddy, never find out... including buying an edible super computer from the loudest, tiniest guy in school.

End of summary.

Alright!

Hi, hello, it’s Mod Seb, and here’s an AU I’ve been rolling around for a few days! You are free to do with this concept whatever you want, but I wanted to introduce it with a good chunk of the info I’ve already worked out in my head.

So. As the CWs are... too numerous, I’m going to go with a blanket “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat” label and encourage you not to read the rest of this if you have any big darkfic triggers that could be upset by mere mention; this isn’t a fic tho, so descriptions of anything awful won’t last long. 

Although, I will mention upfront that Brooke isn’t a binary lesbian. I know the description might read like I’m setting her up to be 100% homosexual; she’s bi with a strong preference for girls, and anyone who presents soft enough in gender or appearance. If it wasn’t for the end-game pairings, her unfamiliarity with smaller details/history of the LGBTQ+ community, and general “gay newb” status, she’d likely ID as a bi lesbian!

(ships and everything else under the Read More)

Okay. That out of the way, there’s quite a number of pairings; I’m pretty sure it’s a super polyamorous and sexual AU, though you’re free to change this list as much as you’d like:

[bolded are end-game ships. italics physically hook up at least once. strike-through means they were in a relationship but break-up in some way before the ending. (H) stands for healthy, while (T) is toxic and/or noncon. underlined characters are pining for the other and may never confess their true feelings]

Brooke/Christine (H), Brooke/Rich (H), Brooke/Jenna (H), Brooke/Michael (H), Brooke/Chloe (T), Brooke/her Daddy (T), Brooke/Squip (H), Brooke/Jeremy (soft T at first bc of mirrored canon-compliant manipulation, H later on), Brooke/Squip/Jeremy (H), Brooke/Squip/Jeremy/Rich (H), Rich/Moses (H), [insert every form of Rich/Mo/Squip/Jeremy here] (H), Jeremy/Chloe (T), Jeremy/Michael (H), Michael/Christine (H), Michael/Christine/Mr. Heere (H; no, seriously), Madeline/Brooke (H)

This is, of course, a role swap AU where Brooke and Jeremy trade places based on my personal lore for their home lives. I always have some pretty fucked ideas as I don’t imagine MB is a great place with great adults, and I pick and choose which parts of canons I use and which I don’t. 

There is no definite ending planned in mind as this isn’t an outline; it’s meta (or an imagine or w/e) for an AU that you’re free to do whatever with. 

So,

The big difference is that Brooke was picked by Michael, while Jeremy was picked by Chloe. Jeremy is trans and hadn’t come out yet; if Chloe had known he was a boy, she wouldn’t have grabbed him. In contrast, Michael’s never gave a shit about potential friends genders.

Jer and B’s personalities... are altered some. Not ALL the way, but kiiinda fusing into their roles, kinda tweaked (I'll get back to that).

The main point of this for me was Brooke/Squip/Jeremy, with B/Jer having a MUCH stronger focus than in canon, and a really bad Chloe acting as one of the major villains.

Michael gets roped into Chloe’s shit, even tho he's still generally a good guy here, bc he's worried about B and thinks she can't properly take care of herself.

While B DOES have a strong crush on Christine, she’s the opposite of the Squip’s “goal”; that’s (obvs) masking, or making passably digestible, her queerness.

Her Mom and step-’Daddy’ have reacted to her friendship w/ ‘openly gay moms, also very flamboyant and GNC’ Michael... poorly.

Michael thinks the solution has to be “act as aggressively yourself as you can, and if they reject you, you know me and the mom’s have a space for you”. This works for him bc he’s permanently hyper-visible, what with all of his own marginalized identities. But, not only has she flied under the radar in comparison to him for years, he doesn’t know everything about her life.

In fact, he doesn’t know most of it. She’s very good at hiding things.

Meanwhile, Jeremy, one of the more popular ‘boy... ish’ (we’ll get to this, too) people in school, is mid-psychosis and self-destruction. He actually has schizo-affective disorder--as is the case with all of my versions of Jeremy--which he needs medication for. Combined that with so many bad influences and trauma, he can no longer fully control himself or his life.

The way he handles this (badly) is to ‘whore around’--which, besides being Chloe’s pet, is kinda why he’s so popular. Nobody respects him, but he’s viewed some form of favorably.

Jeremy is in a relationship with Rich, but he won't let him get as close/protective as Rich wants; Mo and Rich were doing their own man-whoring (but healthy, just droppin’ panties and making dudes and chicks swoon--yeah, Rich is out as bisexual, this is a very ‘the Squips are a good thing’ AU) to gain their standard reputation, but in the course of that, they got together with Jeremy and it became... complicated. Both of them are very "nnn" about how bad his life is for Jer.

The way that their personalities are altered is... okay. To explain this, I have to talk about my characterization of canon-Brooke and Jeremy in relation to this, starting with Brooke:

I imagine B as just a liiittle below the line of "all the way there" for sorta-similar reasons to Jeremy here: trauma, and Chloe (which is why that’s what Jeremy gets in this, it’s just WAY worse when compounded by everything else). She’s also--like me, and like almost every character I write as a result--autistic, in a near-permanent state of “not enough accommodations” and over-stimulation. This leads to a lot of dissociation and a very wandering mind, as well as being perceived as a bimbo or dumb blonde or w/e misogynistic bullshit is projected onto her by the boys she dates (she’s also much more down the middle bi outside this AU).

So, going back to how she is for this AU: she's actually not super nerdy, despite the close connection she and Michael have. Honestly, it’s their general neurodivergent weirdness that bring them together, and so she’s mostly adopted her nerdy interests through him, whether directly a thing he likes, or finding a whimsical variant that fits her tastes.

Obviously, unlike Jeremy, she doesn’t mind being called a loser. She does any insinuation she might be queer. This including anyone who calls her gay or a dyke.

She has too much Cis Male Trauma (unlike canon, where it comes from both cis angles) to really entertain the idea of a Traditionally Male Partner. This means she skews HEAVILY towards hard GNC guys at the very least, and generally finds herself most interested in the idea of enbies and women. she's also not super into butches tho, bc her trauma mixing with her sexuality has latched on to Strong Masc People Are A Threat. 

An expansion on her interests, in canon and otherwise: animals, ASMR/sensual service work (including massages and stuff), spending hours just sorta sitting by herself and letting her imagination wander, fairy tales, and YA-and-under fantasy books.

(Here, she tries to avoid het or f/f romance... except that, this past year or two, she’s started really like m/m stuff--esp after getting REALLY into drag shows, which she could enjoy safely since girls like Chloe have gotten into them too; in canon, she’s a romance fanatic)

Now... this is one of the really darkfic element; she's fucking her step-dad. 

She does this so that he doesn't walk out on her, her mom, and her little sister*. Her mom has a good-enough job as a standard office woman, but he makes enough to pay the rent on their nice townhouse and all the bills she can’t. So, after he expressed interest in Brooke and then casually mentioned he could always just leave if she wasn’t comfortable, she reluctantly entered a relationship with him

(* = her sister is currently know as her brother; he’s like 12 or 13, and started showing signs of trans/queerness which have been Heavily Discouraged. Brooke worries about him a lot)

((I didn’t use she/her pronouns bc I’m not entirely sure he would change them? This is an OC Oli created at the beginning of our interest in BMC, and we haven’t worked on him at all since, so how his characterization will be is up in the air))

Canonically, Brooke's "in love" with her daddy, which is a self-imposed delusion; if she actually addressed it, she’d says she’s well aware that’s not true, but it's so much easier to pretend when you’re cornered like that. Brooke’s life blows.

She’s a lot more honest to herself about hating him here; still, she tries to be as polite and generally-friendly as she can, doing what he says whenever he wants.

OKAY, THAT’S BROOKE. If any of that is badly described or potentially-offensive, it’s just bc I glossed over SO MUCH DETAIL, even in that amount of it!

So. Jeremy.

I don’t have to go over him much and we’re all mostly aware of how I feel about him and also I don’t have the energy to do this again--

(just... read my fics The Devil at your Door or hello yesterday or something... eyyy actually do that, my ao3 username is Sedusa, blah blah blah ANYWAY)

--but basically: He's still very nerdy, like, he’s super into film as well as video games (which is another constant for me), but after being largely ignored in elementary, he's been trailing behind Chloe at her orders since they were in 6th grade. As a result he isn't very open about... any of his interests.

In 7th grade, he came out as trans to everyone. Chloe was furious, but at the same time, intrigued; this was around the time Chloe gets her own... ah shit I gotta go into that too--

--yet another hc of mine is that Chloe gets a Squip on accident around this time at a party (there was one in a “”candy bowl””), and from there, she claws her way up the ladder. I... will not go into that much, but her Squip was crippled by the drugs and alcohol in her system, and therefore largely at her mercy. She’s used his power to manipulate certain things about herself and to sharpen her focus on popularity to the point she’s full-blown Alpha Bitch.

Man, I’ve had to go on so many tangents, I apologize.

Anyway, she drags Jeremy around as a punching bag. She constantly mocks Jeremy's transness, even though she usually calls him by his correct name and pronouns.

This has made the rest of the school follow her lead, hence why I said “boy-ish”; he’s popular, he’s technically ‘well liked’, but nobody really takes him seriously. This is compounded by Chloe’s refusal to let him dress in 'dorky' casual clothes, and, as he’s both too poor to afford designer clothes and also generally hates popular guy fashion, he has to wear the hyper femme clothing Chloe specifically tells him too/

As such, people call him a boy but largely see him as either an idiot, a slut, an attention seeker, or all of the above.

So of course, in Brooke's place, his neurodivergence is more prominent than ever; every day he slips further into this psychosis and self-infantilization haze, as his his mom leaving, his dad severely depressed, Chloe's sexual violence, and other repressed trauma (see: my fic hello yesterday on ao3) all weighing on him. This makes him INCREDIBLY regressed, like, all the time by Junior year.

And then Brooke's Squip (IE: canon Squip) falls in love with Jeremy extremely fucking hard. He pushes her to date him as a way to compromise on her queer desires, since Jeremy is technically a boy, and certainly a few other straight-ish girls have hooked up with him in the past.

WHEW. That is a fucking lot. To wrap this up, lemme go over the interpersonal relationships not already mentioned, and what directions I think it takes.

First off, Madeline has a more prominent role, as I quite like her tbh; she’s a sex worker, she has her own Squip, she’s one of Chloe’s most hated enemies, and she gravitates towards both Brooke and Jeremy. She’s also Actually French, Chloe’s just weird.

(Anyway she prolly sees through Brooke’s straight act and asks her why she’s pretending to be a good little cishet. It rattles Brooke.)

Chloe is scum. This bears repeating. She DEFINITELY rapes Brooke at the Halloween party, and becomes obsessed with her, along with already being obsessed with Jeremy and Jake. 

Jake, by the way, has a lot of regressive behavior and impulsiveness bc he’s been in an abusive relationship off and on with Chloe for years now.

Speaking of Jake, moving on to his best bro: Rich doesn’t set himself on fire. He’s having a good time with his Squip.

But.

He IS set on fire at the Halloween party.

Instead of the Smartphone Hour being about Rich's instability, it's actually about the mystery of Someone Did It To Him But No One Saw Who It Was, They Were Disguised.

The answer relates to the fact that Rich and Brooke are ALSO hooking up, after she’s already with Jeremy, bc he Properly introduces her to him and the three of them hit it off really well.

(She initially wasn’t interested, but while Rich is loud and still kinda abrasive, his Squip doesn’t drive him to act like a bully--and in private, his nerdiness is really obvious and he’s extremely gentle with her and Jeremy. Add to that that he’s bi and trans*, when Brooke connects best w/ queer men over cishet one, and it off-sets his masc-ness enough to make him an Exception.

* = I always imagine him as trans. See: all of Vanceypants fics.)

Sooo... the culprit is actually Brooke's daddy, who sees her with this obvious heartthrob and Cannot let that be.

Chloe convinces Michael that the Squips are Very Very Bad and has him team up with her to force Brooke into drinking Red, with the intention to convince him to kill himself after to get him out of the way, bc she’s really going nuts at this point.

Eventually, he snaps out of it when he and Christine get together (he’s thought he was Full Homo all of his life, but Christine’s prolly genderqueer-ness makes him realize “oh shit, I’m bisexual”) and she starts to question why he’s acting the way he is towards Christine.

He also definitely has a crush on Jeremy and during his time with Chloe he kinda tried to flirt a little but couldn’t really... he’s not up for dating someone as sexually active and a push-over as Jeremy is in this.

However, when he snaps out of Chloe’s manipulation, he and Christine approach Mr. Heere to convince him to straighten up and help Jeremy and also bc they really need an adult to successfully fight Chloe.

This requires a month+ of Christine getting him to see her psychiatrist (the one who prescribes her ADHD meds). Jeremy spends the majority of his time staying with Chloe, and very rarely comes home to gather things or to make sure his dad is eating/still alive, as much as he can remember to in his own haze of mental illness. Anyway, point is, he doesn’t know Christine and Michael are there often... not that, in the course of growing close to Mr. H, they both fall for him hard and it becomes one of my stranger OT3s.

(God, Jeremy goes through a lot of shit in this, tho.)

Pre-Squip, Jenna was kinda-sorta Brooke’s friend--or, well, friendly. However, she’s actually full blown “oh my God she’s wonderful” in love with Brooke.

Brooke isn't aware of that, esp since Jenna tries her not to be around her a lot. She's also trying to hide her own queerness, bc she’s a trans woman and she knows Chloe finding that out would be extremely dangerous.

Eventually, Chloe succeeds in making Brooke take the Red months after canon usually ends, w/o Michael’s help. If you’re curious, Red doesn’t affect her normal Squip bc she’s had him too long and a lot of his receptors and stuff are damaged, so it’s the second one she gets in canon that turns off.

This plan backfires, however, as Brooke’s Squip comes back with a physical body w/ help from Rich and also-bodied-now Moses.

With a body, and shenanigans, Mo and Squip take out Brooke’s daddy too. His life insurance more than makes up for the loss of his income, as it’s a sizable amount. Now that Brooke feels more empowered and strong, she overrides her mother’s neglectfulness and takes control of the household w/ her boyfriends*, comes out as queer, helps her sister transition, and begin to heal from all of this trauma.

(* = Rich and Mo move in, as does Jeremy eventually, after graduation; Jeremy gets a psychiatrist and a therapist and prolly has to go through some intense outpatient care and possibly a stay in the hospital, before finally making major breakthroughs and looking like himself again. The five of them are now happy and in love.)

Chloe, after her arm gets twisted by the Squip’s protective presence so thoroughly, gives up on Jeremy and Brooke to focus on Jake. This too gets abandoned when Rich and Mo help him cut her off, and so she stays in her own popularity bubble, bitter, until graduating and going to a community college in a different state.

All in all, things work out well in the end, but getting there is a long, difficult process. This AU fascinates me immensely and feels like a great way to examine some of my really dark headcanons about MB, as I think it’s a town similar to Derry in Stephen King’s IT--as in, just chronically The Worst Place Ever, with this, like, miasma of low-key despair around it. People adjust and don’t question it, which is why so much of BMC is this flippant dark humor in the face of some highly questionable shit.

I’m so sorry this post is so long (I’ll be uploading it to AU under my usual Sedusa account, as metas like this are more than allowed), but I really adore these characters and the way they can be twisted around, so I had a lot to say!

Thank you for reading <3

-mod Seb

image description: virtual-like stairs pointed forward and bathed in neon yellow and blue to represent Brook and Jeremy, which I’ve modified from the original blue-only design.

source: x (link description: a free Wallpaper Flare image that I found off Google Image’s “filtered by ‘labeled and reuse with modification” feature)