#and ofc i feel like im going to cry just bc im angry

[gently-decaying-flowers]

i hate it here

[catmelonwriting]

Oohmygofd pleaaase plsplspls write bulimic reader... As some1 who's bulimic i will die if u do (positively)

BSD Men with a bulimic!reader

Warnings: Bulimia, not proofread, vomit type purging, very self inserted and based off my experiences, bad body image, reader is not underweight, hurt/comfort, a couple usages of (name) in akutagawa's bc I just can't see this man using pet names

Characters: Akutagawa, Chuuya

A/N: I'm sooo glad I'm not the only one who wanted this.. I was really hesitant to write it bc my blog is entirely smut and that usually does better than hurt/comfort, angst, or fluff, but if I'm not the only person who wants it I'm deffy gonna write it!! I don't really like Akutagawas I definitely didn't do him justice but I loveeeee chuuya's

Akutagawa

- Probably will not notice until you tell him.. just thinks you're sick or something when he hears coughing noises from the bathroom.

- From then on he's really concerned, he'll probably do a lot of research on it (w/o you knowing ofc)

- Will try and get you into treatment, even just IOP, but if you refuse HE is going to monitor everything your eating

- If you do end up binging in the middle of the night or while he's not there, the bathroom is off limits for the next 45 minutes.

- He will literally stand in the way of the doorway if you try to go, he's not risking anything.

- If you try not to eat too much the next day to 'make up for it' he'll sit with you while you eat and give you encouraging words here and there, but neither of you are getting up till your finished.

One shot

You're kneeled over the bathroom toilet, the back of a toothbrush nudging your throat, when you let out a loud gag. You immediately take the toothbrush out and cover your mouth.. you had learned to be so quiet after akutagawa found out about your eating disorder, how could you let that happen?

You hear footsteps approaching the bathroom door before three short knocks. "Yeah, Ryū?" You ask, your voice was raspy and you sounded like you had been crying. Fuck, he knows.

"..(Name) are you alright? Are you doing something you shouldn't?" His voice was sharp, like he was angry. You knew he wasn't, you knew he would never be angry at your for something like this.. just.. upset, but you can't help the guilt that courses through your body at his words.

"No." You choke out, shuffling to shove the toothbrush back in the holder. "I heard gagging." You clear your throat, trying to get rid of the rasp. "Um.. I wasn't. Just coughing. I'm not feeling well." You call out, quickly flushing your thrown up dinner down the toilet. "I'll be out in a second."

You dig in the drawers for your perfume, air freshener, dry shampoo, anything you can spray to cover up the smell of your throw up, but you couldn't find anything. So you hesitantly clean your hands and leave the bathroom with the overwhelming smell of vomit filling it.

"Hey, love." You mumble, sitting down next to him on the couch, your voice shaky. "..(Name), don't lie to me. I know what you were doing." He mumbles, placing his hand on the back of your head, pulling you closer to him. You blink back tears as you push your face into his chest. "Im sorry.. I'm so so sorry.. I didn't mean to.. I didn't.." you choke out, sniffling.

"Don't apologize to me, dear. I'm not mad, or even upset. Just.. concerned. You told me you would stop." His voice sounded sympathetic, something you weren't used to with him. The smell of cigarette smoke hung on your jacket, a scent you had grown to love and found comforting since meeting him. The way his lanky, boney, ring covered fingers glided through your hair, his soft voice, it all comforted you, it all told you it was okay to cry.

His heart ached at the little gasps and sniffles and whimpers you let out whilst sobbing into his chest. It made him want to start bawling with you, but of course he wouldn't. He could never appear weak to you. "I'm sorry- I'm so sorry Ryu- I just can't stop- I can't stop no matter how hard I try.." you sob, hands moving to cling onto the fabric of his shirt. "I'm so sorry!"

"Oh baby.." he sighed. You didn't want to look up, you know he's looking down with pity. Pity you didn't want. "It's alright. I don't want you to cry, it's not your fault.. I understand- well, no, I don't. I don't understand, but I want to help you." Wrapping his arms around you, he leans into your head, the scent of your shampoo filling his nose.

That's where you two lay for the rest of your night, him whispering comforting words in your ears, giving you all the love you could ever ask for, something you'd never expect from a man like him.

Chuuya

- He notices within the first month of FRIENDSHIP

- The way you get up and scurry off to the bathroom after every meal you share, the guilt on your face after grabbing a third serving at the party you two are at, how quick you shove shit down your throat before tears well up in your eyes and you excuse yourself.. all of it.

- He definitely cares, but probably won't confront you about it till later on in the friendship if you're still having trouble

- He won't just send you a lousy "have you been eating properly?" Text either, he's gonna invite you over to his house making it known you two are gonna have a serious conversation, then sit you down in his living room then prod and probe till you admit it.

- If you're still struggling w/ it when you're dating/when you move in together (which you probably are bc eds are harsh) he'll be like Akutagawa and monitor everything you eat, just a little more stealthily

- He is not afraid to tell you to slow down if you seem to be overeating.. he takes the binging just as seriously as the purging.

Oneshot

You had awakened in the middle of the night with a need for food. Anything you could get your hands on you needed inside of you asap.

You quickly and carefully slipped out of his arms and out of bed, tip toeing to the kitchen and flicking the light on. The first thing you see is a brand new box of cereal you had bought today, Chuuya hadn't had it in awhile, it was his favorite as a kid and he seemed happy while buying it. Guilt tote through you when you ripped open the box and shuffled handfuls into your mouth, before discarding the half empty box on the ground.

You reached for the cake you two had made for your birthday last week, taking fistfuls with your bare hands and shoving the icing covered cake in your mouth.

After shoving everything in vicinity down your throat, you open the fridge to find a diet coke, or a regular, just anything with bubbles.. anything with carbonation to help you get this all up better. Anything. Your eyes land on an energy drink you had bought yesterday.. you were saving it for today, but in your eyes you needed it now.

You crack it open and glug it down, before looking at the mess you made on the floor. Empty boxes, half eaten cake, a carton of half eaten cookies, an empty bowl that was previously filled with salad, an empty milk carton.. you felt sick to your stomach. You needed this out of you now. Now.

You quietly tip toe to the bathroom, turning off the kitchen lights behind you and locking the door behind you, kneeling on the ground in front of the toilet. You hated doing this, you hated how gross you felt hovering over something where your ass went.. but you needed it gone. You couldn't gain weight.. you already felt so fat as it is no matter how much chuuya tried to convince you you're average.. you just couldn't believe it. Looking in the mirror all you could see was piles of fat.

You push the back of your toothbrush down your throat, gagging almost silently as the first few things came up. You recognized some chocolate, veggies, something.. red.. you didn't want to think about it too much as you shoved the toothbrush back down your throat. You watched as everything you ate came up opposite to the order you had it in.

Finally, you recognize barely chewed lumps of cereal fall into the toilet, and after you throw up stomach acid mixed with dark blood, you sigh, wipe your mouth and stand up, flushing the toilet, and clean yourself up.

Walking out of the bathroom, you see the kitchen lights on. Fuck. You could've sworn you turned those off.

Your ginger haired boyfriend turns the corner from the kitchen, looking you dead in the eyes with disappointment on his face. You wished you could just evaporate. "Love, what is this?" He sounded.. exasperated. Tired of you, tired of your illness, tired of having a girlfriend who can't just eat normally. You were tired of it too, but the Internet made recovery seem so much easier than it really was.

Tears flow out of your eyes as you wipe the remaining spit dribbling from your mouth away. "Did you throw up?" He sighs.. you can't tell if he's being sympathetic or if he's annoyed. Maybe both. All you can muster is a nod before you fall into his chest, letting out broken sobs and choking out apologies. From where you are you can glance into the kitchen, noticing he had cleaned up the little mess you made.

God, not only did he have to deal with such an emotional, disordered girlfriend.. he had to clean up after you too? You felt like such a terrible person, like you didn't deserve his love.

"Cmon, sweetie, let's go to bed. Let me tuck you in." He mutters sleepily. "Don't apologize.. don't apologize, it's not your fault. You know I'm not mad." His whispers comfort you and make you feel worse at the same time, you didn't understand it. "I'm not mad, just worried. I could never be mad at you." He speaks softly, nudging you towards the open door of your bedroom.

You whimper and sniffle as he tucks you into bed, before getting back in himself and wrapping his arms around your waist. He leans in, whispering sweet nothing's in your ear, tracing shapes in your hip, telling you you're beautiful and it'll all be okay until you fall asleep.

When you wake up the next morning, Chuuya isn't there. He must've gone to work already. You see a small note on the bedside table next to you, and hesitantly pick it up to read its contents.

"Hey doll, I'm sorry I left for work before we could talk about this in-person, and I definitely have a plan to speak to you about it tonight. But I wanted to let you know I'm not mad at you, nor am I upset with you, I'm just concerned for your well-being and safety. I want to get you into some treatment program because I'm not trained in this, and I don't really know how to help. I know this isn't entirely about your weight or how your body looks, but baby believe me when I say you're beautiful. You are the most gorgeous girl I have ever laid my eyes on and I am so lucky to have you. You are not 'too much' and your emotional baggage is not too much for me to carry. Even if it was, it's worth it for a girl as sweet and caring as you.

Love, Chuuya"

You hold the note close to your chest and push yourself backwards into bed, draping the covers over yourself and falling back asleep with his letter held close.

[dontletmanagementfindme]

Short little thoughts I just can't get out of my head they just won't go away I must share these things with the world

(badly formatted hcs bc I'm going insane; gn reader; romantic context; takes place after events of the manga -after ch 127-)

Aza Toma x reader

* He doesn't have time for a relationship >:(

He's off being a bandit with his brother, wreaking havoc wherever he goes!

* Ok maybe he does have a bit of time :<

~~you are very attractive~~

As long as you don't get in the way of their bandit, world-domination- and as long as you can protect yourself if you get caught in the crossfire, you're okie dokie!

.~

* If you manage to get into a relationship with this gorgeous man, you get special privileges!!! >:D

He will let you comb his hair :3 and braid it, too. Or put it in whatever style you wish! Just be very careful! If you tug too hard or damage it, he is leaving you forever!!!! His hair is his pride and joy how could you >:O he will leave you to deal with the angry authorities after he and Chobe are done terrorizing them (haha jk. Unless...)

Another special privilege! On his own, he would never wear a dress! He does not like to, finds it embarrassing. But you've seen the way he goes soft when talking to those he cares about. He drops that distant and aloof personality almost entirely! I'm sure if you plead hard enough, he'd wear a dress for you. An extra pretty one, probably very expensive. He'll only wear one in private, and not often, so don't go bugging him about it. If you pester him to wear a dress for you too much, he'll hit you with the blunt edge of his katana (very gently)

* Even if you were not his lover, and only a close friend, he'd still worry and fuss over you. Always asking if you're hurt after you/you all go on a mission or "errand", or reminding you to be careful in your travels. If he sees a particularly nasty injury on you, he will cry. Please be extra cautious, if only for his sake. (After he is done crying, if you have not slain the foe who had caused you harm, rest assured he will not rest until it has died a painful death o7)

* When it comes to sleeping together (literally) he will always take the big spoon position. It's easier to keep you safe that way! But also... It feels really nice to be in your embrace--very comforting, warm. It makes him feel loved <3 BUT HE WILL NEVER TELL YOU THAT! So you best take initiative! (Toma small spoon real)

* Even if not in a romantic relationship with him, he will still seek your approval if you're close! It just gets amplified in a different way when you're lovers. He'll work extra hard to impress you and show you how good a boyfriend he is!

Ha! See how quick it was for him to slay those guys? And with such clean bladework too! You must think he's really cool now, yeah? :3

Oh, dear. Isn't he just such an amazing strategist dude, playing such a big role in helping his brother taking down that one powerful dude who was getting in the way of their bandit activities (idk what bandits do)

(see this makes him a good partner bc good partners are very skilled in battle and very awesome and smart, ofc. He does not know exactly how romantic relationships are supposed to work, he never desired one before you, so pls understand he is just very silly)

~~praise him for his accomplishments and efforts, he'll love you forever~~

* He often wears his heart on his sleeve. When he gets excited or very happy, even if he tries to suppress it, his lips quirk up a bit, and his voice takes on a different tone. And if you shock him with praise or affection or gifts and like, he won't be able to stop his eyes from going wide and his face red. It's very easy to fluster him, and he makes very pretty faces when that happens, so take advantage of that, I suppose.

.~

And that's all the thoughts I had. If only I could see more of him, then I'd have much thought. So much quantity of idea! But alas, I do not even know his favorite color 😔 nor even whether he can cook or not, which is very important for reasons.

And if there's anything I'd like to impart to you readers today. It's that Toma is very much wife material, he'd make a lovely wife. That is all. Good day to you, sir o7 (gn)

[moonchildstyles]

aster comforting his sensitive girl is the cutest thing ever. i love when she gets more open in the relationship and straight up goes to him when she’s upset still she but more open where before she wanted till he came up to her. them at a friends house far away visiting maybe and her stomachs upset and poor baby just has soooo much anxiety and she goes up to him maybe he could tell she’s been off for a bit now and she goes up to him quietly cause she’s a little embarrassed contining on anothe💜

continued💜 but she’s to embarrassed for other people to know but she is desperate for his comfort maybe she had been taking a nap and she comes out of the room they are staying in and goes over to him and he looks up noticing her face and the way she pouts when she’s upset and he instantly concerned and she squeaks can you come to the wrong with me and he’s like ofc baby and when they get back to the room she’s instantly crying explaining how she doesn’t feel good and wants to go home 💜-

💜- and he’s just automatically sitting on the bed putting her on his lap while she stuffs her head in his neck for natural comfort and he tries to calm her down before they make a plan because he knows plans help her anxiety and he rubs her back you’re okay baby until she’s calmed down enough and he just validated her feelings while making a plan, so your tummy’s upset and you wanna go home but you feel bad leaving but are uncomfortable here and her fingers are between her teeth 💜💜-

💜💜- and she just nods and keeps getting teary and she explains how she feels bad but she wants to be in the comfort of their own home so obviously he wants to stay but a angry thought doesn’t even cross his mind and he gets her medicine and has her lay on the bed to try and nap while he packs up the room and goes downstairs to tell the friends and he’s road tripping them home soon enough and they get in their bed and she’s so much for comfortable 💜💜💜-

💜💜💜-and he’s so happy his baby is okay-ish now and he just lets her sleep on him and babies his sensitive girl because he knows her stomach may have not hurt that bad to leave but he know it was mostly overstimulation and being away from home that sent her overboard and he’s happy that he’s her ultimate comfort. sorry this was so long!

omg bestie:(((( first of all shes def still so shy telling him things like that but she also doesn't always wait for him to notice before saying anything esp if its bad enough:( but first of all him holding her on his lap and hes just petting her hair and like talking her through her feelings about it all like "youre uncomfortable and don't feel well but you don't want to be rude and ask to leave hm?" and she nods her head like a little whimpery and holding his hands :( and ofc he doesn't really want to leave his friends but he cares about her more than anything so ofc hes not upset getting ready to leave and him grabbing her some medicine for the drive home:( setting her up to relax and try to nap some while he packs up:( and his friends are always so understanding bc they can see that little dynamic between them that this is so much for him you know like shes So Much for him so its not a problem knowing that shes not feeling well and he wants to take her home to feel better:( but you saying hes her ultimate comfort:(((((( like im going to lose my mind bc youre so right:(((((((((((((( shes his sensitive girl and hes her favorite thing in the world to calm down with :(

[applesooyoung]

giving subby kev a flesh light that he can fuck on tour when he misses you 🥺🥺

odsfjirfjrio omg 1st ask, thanks jasss! <3 (im literally making this at 2am in my area and I have work tomorrow but this ask is too good to ignore so, please bear w/ me 😭)

• Ok, why does this thing sound like something Kevin Moon would agree to do?

• Likeeee I have no scientific explanation on how y'all- it's given

• The fleshlight was a gift from you from his last bday

• And Kev was a blushing mess opening the gift, realizing his fantasies about being fucked is out

• He was in a ride of fulfillment and embarrassment

• "Y-y/n, what is t-this-"

• But you'd just shrug it out

• And this action just made the red cast on his face spread and grow bigger

• "You knew" you nodded

• You then told him to lay on his back and tested the fleshlight on him

• You haven't even started yet but your baby seems to moan a lot

• It's fucking cute 😭

• Like you know when he's horny when he's sensitive over everything

• Like whimpering and whining between the kisses, small moans when he takes off his boxers, sobbing at the feeling of the cold lube in his prince parts

• But it all gets better when you slowly start to pleasure him

• Let's just say that the fleshlight is battery-powered and an electronic one

• He moans at the fact that it is electronic and gives him that good feeling from the small vibration of the machine

• Kev's dripping in pleasure at this point

• + he'd hold your hands while you're pleasuring him 😭

• Oh good christ, why am I crying

• Okkk, fast forward to the tour part

• Kev was disappointed at the highest level when he heard that he and his group were going on a big tour

• I mean he's not angry or upset being with his bandmates it's just, that he's so busy with all the work these days that he sometimes forgets your important dates and casual hangouts

• But you told him not to worry bc you understand his situation well esp since this is a part of his job

• He was relieved about this but still feels the urge that he owes you a favour for not really around these days

• A this is where you brought up his mighty ol' fleshlight

• He stared at it blankly then turned red instantly at the memory of the last time you jerked him off with that

• He took it from your hands and stared at it for a while, still flabbergasted

• "Take it with you, Kev, you'll need it"

• And the tour came. . .

• I'd be lying if I said he didn't use it all the time bc he did

• It even came to the point that some of the members are finding him suspicious for not being around during break time

• And that's probably because he's at the hotel bathroom silently jerking himself off with the said toy

• His hand is probably covering his mouth while the other does all the work bc if you don't know Kevin Moon, he's literally the most vocal being in the entirety of Vancouver and that's a fact

• AND OMG

• Phone sex- 💀

• He'd find a private place where no one could hear him and jerk himself off with his toy

• with you on the line, ofc

• He'd ask you the dirtiest things and hearing you moan is the worst thing you could do to him

• Your moans could make him cum untouched

• That shit makes him go effing crazy

• So in conclusion:

• I stan semi-brat kev, he's a good boy and sometimes not </3

[villainsidestep]

for the ask game: 5 + 6 + 9 +14 +19 + 25 (that's so many i would say im sorry but im not🧡)

5. How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

GONNA BE HONEST….. it’s a cop out answer but it really depends on what it is? bc for most things the answer is “they’re willing to do anything… as long as chen wouldn’t order them to stand down for it” . but for certain fun things. like taking the fight to mother dearest. the answer is “genuinely the only way ur going to stop them is by killing them”

6. How easily could your OC be convinced to do something that goes against their moral compass?

someone who fawn deems responsible for their actions (ie north inside the farm, chen/ric outside of it) could order it from them, but for actually Convincing ?? I’d say probs 50-50

they Are still a sidestep so u have to put up w that classic stubbornness (trying to make them do smth they don’t want ?? c’mon) but fawn’s Personal moral compass probs allows way more shit than you’d expect. so like… probs a really good argument could sway them in your favor but it might also just make them yell at u a bunch

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

(ethel cain voice) I TRIED TO BE GOOD. / AM I NO GOOD? / AM I NO GOOD? / AM I NO GOOD?

there’s more ofc bc they have an entire playlist but. that is the main one that makes us go “🥺….. fawnie…..”

14. How does your OC want to be seen by other characters?

above all else !!!!! they want to be seen as a good person who is deserving of love <3

“I thought they wanted to be seen as a hero” WRONG. well. not wrong. but being a hero is actually just an extension of them wanting to be seen and valued as Good.

19. How does your OC behave when enraged?

fun fact !! we have thought abt it and decided it involves Quite A Bit of screaming (and sometimes angry-crying!) and furiously yanking at their own hair (w the intent of causing pain to try and let themself feel in control of literally anything) 😌 it’s an emotion they tend to associate w feeling helpless (bc anger just takes up SO MUCH of their emotional processing when it hits) so they basically try to burn it up out of their system asap

and before you ask: yes absolutely ric Has been on the receiving end of a screaming match and come away w the claw marks of trying to physically restrain them from doing it <3

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

dog coded :)

um no but serious answer…. I think we very much have a soft spot for their weird relationship towards being a villain ?? where they both accept it as being what fate has planned for them while also being so clearly unwilling to go along w it ?? trying at every opportunity to mitigate the damages as much as possible even when it not only doesn’t benefit but even genuinely works Against whatever plan they had in motion (ie saving people at carter’s mansion -> oops! back to square one)

fawn being a villain is truly just when a dog asks to go for a walk and then the entire walk is u dragging them by the leash bc they don’t want to anymore

[merinate]

gonna yap a bit bc im fucking pissed and i wanna cry, feel free to scroll it

im so fucking angry rn, like my bestie met this guy and she developed a crush pretty quickly and like ofc i understand bc he sounds really cool even tho i only saw it like twice or something and today is the second time he came to our flat to spend time with her and i get it and im so happy for her and i hope they'll become a couple, but at the same time i wish they understood that she doesnt live alone and to get out of the flat you have to go through my room and im so pissed bc it fucking 3am and hes still here and i just want to go to sleep but i dont feel comfortable with changing into my pijamas and going to bed knowing that hes gonna see me later when he finally goes home and i literally asked my bestie if its possible for him to go a bit earlier than the last time but she was just like yeah but its fine if you wanna go to sleep just go and i was like🕴🏽🕴🏽🕴🏽 i am not gonna lay in bed in my pijamas and let a random ass dude see me later when im fucking asleep, i really dont wanna be the villain here but its so fucking frustrating bc surprise you dont live alone and it would be pretty nice if you respected me a little bit, im so fucking tired and i just wanna go to sleep but i cant and im literally gonna cry in a moment

[bellysoupset]

SOUP!!!!!!!

HI HI HI HI I CANT EXPLAIN HOW HAPPY I AM THAT YOURE BACK!!! oh my goodness i was literally typing this when i saw that you asked where i’ve been💀 i’ve been reading fics as you post them (i don’t have notifs on but i check your blog for updates on a regular basis LMAO) but life shtuff has only now died down enough for me to actually write/comment on things!! gosh i’m so excited you’re back!! in the LEAST pressure-y way, it’s almost embarrassing how slowly days went by as i was waiting for you to start posting again LOL like at one point i was telling myself “okay she said 20 days, it’s probably been at least a week”. it had been literally 3 days 💀 HAHAHAHWH

ANYWAYS

AHHHHHH MY BABIES MY BABIES!!!!! i don’t remember what the last thing i talked about on here was but WOW these last fics have made me cry and laugh and blush sooo many different times!! wen finding out was CRAZY and i literally sobbed w her bc the way everything played out was so unfortunate but also so realistic and raw and i had so many mixed feelings about everything!!!! and then wen isolating and bella checking on her!! and wen trying to push her away and then admitting that she felt so lonely GOD THAT WAS DEVASTATING but then bella being so supportive and comforting AGHHHH my girlsss <3333

and then omg the fic after that one??? i was SO surprised that wen forgave vin? and that they’re trying long distance??? i’m so fucking excited and happy abt that but god i’m sure it’ll be hard 😭 but YAY I KNEW THEY LOVED EACH OTHER TOO MUCH TO GIVE UP LIKE THAT ♥️

side note, luke being so depressed and struggling so much to adapt to his meds is so sad but so realistic too :,) i’m glad you’re making this a part of the plot!! but my man is def off his meds already lol im interested to see where this goes!! and also i LOVE how well jon and leo are doing <3 despite everything going on, they’re in their happy era fr <3

and now i’m sorry but the sick vin fic?????????? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IT WAS EVERYTHING I NEEDED AND MORE‼️ first off, leo talking to him and being so real but also like calling him out like that??? while still being super supportive??? and the way he described wen was so accurate and so him-coded??? and then AHHHHH i’ve ALWAYS loved vin and bell’s friendship, i’ve genuinely always thought it was super adorable and i wanted more of them, so this fic was gold 🤭 a trope that ALWAYS gets me is when someone is ANGRY at someone they love and ofc being bitchy and sassy until they realise said someone is very much Unwell (it’s especially good if they’re so sick that they’re really out of it), and when they realise how sick they are they IMMEDIATELY switch from mad to concerned + caretaker mode!!!! so yeah you can imagine this whole fic had me on my knees 🤭 obsessed w how protective of luke bell is, and how protective of vin wen is, but also how both girls just jumped straight into action when he was clearly not feeling good <333 and then vin realising wen was using her dr. voice, and then the pure ANGST at the end when he sobs and they just hug and the “god i’m gonna fucking miss you” SOB SOB SOB SOB 😭😭😭🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

bell sick and luke taking care of her was also AMAZINGGGG🫶🏽 i always love when my girls get whumped <3333 omg and AHHHH luke and vin finally talking abt shtuff🥹 the “nothing to forgive” 😭 luke knowing he’ll get sick AND holding him closer??? GOSH THE BROTP MAN !!!!!

and oh my goodness i just read the most recent fic with the new OC!!!! this is so exciting and cool and i love his vibes ahhhh <3 i love how nonchalant max seems abt shtuff and im so so excited to see where things go!! i hope vin and him become friends but also i feel like there’s gonna be some tension and weird banter going on between them at least at first hehehe

ANYWAYS

your writing is fucking incredible and whenever i see a new post from your blog it genuinely lights up my day <3 i am completely in love with all your characters and the depth and intricacies behind each of them ♥️ i’m so thankful your blog exists🫶🏽 also, i saw you were really struggling for a while and i just wanted to check in and see if you were doing better? you’re so loved and talented and appreciated and you deserve all the peace and love and happiness in the world!!! i hope things are going well/better!

i can’t wait to read more of what you write! i’m super excited about this new character and about reading more stories abt your lovely OCs <3

YOU’RE AMAZING THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING AND KEEP SLAYING!!!

🦦

Soup found DEAD from love cardiac arrest outside of Miami beach.

🦦!!!!! Honestly I don't even wanna post your comments, I just wanna stare at them for hours 🙈🙈

Don't worry about catching up on fics, they'll be here when life slows down!! I know very well how sad it is that we must Adult ™.

I am SO HAPPY you liked the Wendy/Vince developments!! In my head you're like THE Wendy/Vin supporter, so every time I write something with them I'm like "uhmmm wonder what 🦦 is gonna think??"

Caretaker who's pissed and then switches to comfort is also one of my favorite tropes, I looooove the spiciness of guilt thrown in!

Take care babe 💛💛

[girlwithfish]

its kinda crazy he smothered me like loll. feels so stupid and lame recounting the same story over and over nothing changes. but i still dk how to process that. some days i feel ive made more peace w everythin and dont feel as strongly and some days like today its more difficult and i think being tired and today not being the best kind of set me up for being more emotionally low abt multiple things in my life. as well as maybe need to stop reading peoples real life stories on reddit abt their abusive male partners bc its more triggering for me than i thought but its hard not to read them :/ idk its just crazy how someone can do something that vile towards u even when you are crying and begging them to stop and saying you cant breathe. literal psycho shit. and i was gaslit for however long into minimizing it even tho deep down i knew it was fucking wrong and i resented him for it but i was treated so dismissively and not taken serious my pain wasnt ever considered so after it happened i was just trained into suppressing it not telling a single person about it not even journaling privately about it just carrying that awful thing w me for idk how long. and i dont even remember when it was bc i didnt document anything mentally or literally and my mind worked so hard to suppress it i justndont have any recollection of when it happened. im guessing either 2023 or late 2022. it makes me angry and sad, and angry bc it is so unjust that he was able to control the narrative once again and determine that that was acceptable behavior and wasnt violent and extremely fucking dangerous too. Would sneer at me and tell me that wasnt smothering or make excuses and act like that isnt inherently Violent and terrible. and even tho i knew it was fucked i was just forced to go along w it even though i resented him for however many months for doing that to me and would bring it up and hed continue to deny it. like i wonder if he fucking remembers that now bc ofc there's been no apology for that specifically but i also have to tell myself i do not seek his validation or acknowledgment bc it is way too late for that and i had to unlearn the gaslighting and manipulation and dismissal and downplaying that he ingrained in me and insisted upon me on my own without him so theres no way i would need him to validate that act or that it happened or was messed up. but part of me still wants that bc even though hes given me surface level apologies and goes on abt his self reflection and discovery that could only occure after he got hit by a bus (enrages me that he now has empathy and some self recognition ig After a traumatic brain injury and months after the breakup) i still did not feel fulfilled by anything he said really. but he is not a person who i seek validation from or value his opinion or perspective at all anymore i never wish to see him or have him in my life again. you dont treat any person like that and yet he countlessly showed me he was okay with treating me violently and terribly and disrespectfully. it makes me sick tbh bc idk how someone does that so easily ur fucked in the head

[yuukei-yikes]

What are your thoughts on whatever tf is going on between Kano and Shintaro post-str?

HEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEH OK LISTEN TO ME

kano is so in love with shintaro its embarrassing like ive reread the novels recently and girl.... hes down so bad its so embarrassing fgkjfdghjkfdghjhgnkjdhgkjdkj like post str shintaro has all this tomfoolery going on with ayano right. and kano...oh my god like.

kano finally got everything he wanted. everything he worked so hard for and acted kind of an ass for is here and now he's just like...left with all this self hatred and guilt bc hes like damn i shut out my siblings and dealed with all this myself and was a dick to this guy who wasnt even knowingly related to all this shit and i. got away with it? like i got everything i wanted? my sister is back? so he's just VERY depressed and feels so undeserving and guilty

everyone else is like in a relationship or whatever (im not a fan of when every single character has a love interest but damn kagepro does romance so fucking well has anyone ever noticed. anyways) and eventually before he realises it kano is living on his own and he's just generally so lost and without purpose and augh *dies* WAIT THIS WAS ABT KANOSHIN

sry i cant talk abt a ship if i dont talk a lil bit abt the characters themselves. like ok kano has All That going on and ON TOP OF IT.... HE LIKES HIS SISTER'S BOYFRIEND. THE SISTER HE'S BEEN TRYING SO HARD TO NOT LET GO OF ALL THIS TIME. THE SISTER HE'S SO INSANELY HAPPY TO HAVE BACK. so of course that makes him spiral down into guilt even more. shintaro and kano are sort of madeup too bc ok i know in the Good End we dont rly see moments like in the novels like kano coming clean abt clearing eyes or disguising himself as ayano but i like to think these moments happen at some point anyway. so going by this kano and shintaro ARE on good terms, shintaro has forgiven kano, he's all cute smiling to him and kanos like AUUUGHHH. and sort of. reverts back to being a little bit of a dick to him.

not super directly but sort of how he was at the beginning, acting how he acts with everyone but there's like a Vibe. shintaro notices and hes like damn i thought we were ok but ig its because im dating ayano and he's overprotective. and that's rly part of the reason too!! shintaros relationship with ayano is sososo messy so kano is so ANGRY because this asshole is out there making his sister cry!!! idiot bitch!!! BUT ALSO HE STILL LIKES HIM

i think when shintaro and ayano have Their Break kano and shintaro have a fucked up little thing that neither would qualify as a relationship bc both are busy hating themselves but like. they definitely kiss you know what i mean. that pic that's like we both have problems that making out won't solve but it can't make it any worse (except it does because this is so fucking messy KANO IS SHINTARO'S (EX AT THE TIME I DONT THINK HE'D CHEAT)GIRLFRIEND'S BROTHER. THAT SUCKS SO BAD FOR HER) also shintaros internal homophobia etc etc etc. lol a fucked up moment of shintaro practicing apologizing to ayano with kano disguising himself as her bc hey i need to practice while looking at her face. and its so messed up for them both. theyre the worst

when shintaro and ayano are back together he would tell her while kano would take it to his grave and augh it brings drama between ayano and kano which is exactly the last thing kano would ever want and hes so mad at shintaro. ayano isnt rly mad she's just surprised and worried for kano, because she doesnt rly see it as omg so fucked up my brother likes my bf she rather sees it like my brother is in pain and currently suffering from unrequited(?) love i need to help him!! and starts kind of helicoptering over kano and eventually kano has a breakdown etcetcetc i dont have an ending for this but these are basically my thoughts lol

ofc there's also shintaro just dates both and/or doesn't get back together with ayano... those are also good options that i like too heh

[alectothinker]

{{ Music asks! 1, 7, 8, 22?

thank u this was very fun to type up, especially q 8!! love infodumping about music <33

send me some music asks! answer under the cut bc it got long lol

1. what is your favorite song. right now. tell me.

Unfortunately fallen alien by fka twigs. Banger song but its only stuck in my head cause im feeling Bad. But we cope i guess!

7. what bands/artists have you seen in concert?

P!atd (in 2018 when i was still a fan lol) and james blake in 2019 (loved it So much...stood right in front of his piano and also the huge speakers and the bass almost blasted my head off)

8. tell me about your favorite band. go on infodump for me.

Hahahha ofc this is gonna be sleep token propaganda BUCKLE UP!!!

SLEEP TOKEN -- masked, anonymous, angry-sad-horny-whipped 4-guy metalcore bri-ish band made up of:

> vessel (lead singer, has probably read my immortal or at least knows it exists, white boy dances on stage in between godly devastating vocals and actual sobbing, literally who hurt him i just wanna talk)

> ii (as in "two", drummer, mostly chilling at the back of the stage w his kit 10/10ing every song on the setlist)

> iii ("three", bass player, tall, leggy, hyperactive stickbug, loves gesturing on stage, aggro about getting the crowd to clap on beat, often busy giving iv a lil kiss)

> iv (guitarist, my fav, i am so drawn in by his beautiful silent guitarist rizz and insane metal scream. See live recordings of "vore". Often busy giving iii a lil kiss)

They dont talk on or off stage (though iii and iv have shouted at concerts a couple times lol) and only their drummer has (recently) done a spoken interview. Huge range both emotion and genre wise! as in "atlantic" is what i listen to when i want to cry vs "gods" is what i listen to when i rage workout. The members kiss each other on stage. Also they recently changed their masks to be more individualised so they might be inching towards less anonymity and i honestly dont know how to feel about that!!! Also there is so much lore. They worship a god called "sleep" and have a lil cypher alphabet going n its all very cryptic and fun to me lol. Love going down reddit rabbit holes about this band, would love to see them live someday

22. i just saw the prettiest motorcycle on the way to school tell me one song you’d blast on a motorcycle while driving one

OH THIS ASK SPECIFICALLY........hey howd you know i like motogp and bikes and think about this often even though ive never been on a bike before.....anyway it would be

- Honda by fka twigs if im cruising on a nice summer evening having a chill vibey time

- Feiticeira by deftones during the day

- 2077 by do not ressurrect if im going full send on a night ride in the city :)

thank u for asking!!! had a lot of fun w these questions <3

[baahsu]

i love the idea of mommy reiju pairing up 1234ji in duos to see how they interact individually because i have a hyper specific ass vision of what a 14ji vs 23ji pair up looks like

you. do you know of that one fucking meme format

"when youre both bottoms": an image below continues to show two beastars characters cuddling

vs

"when youre both tops": an image below continues to show two beyblades spinning against one another

(if you, understandbly, have absolutely no clue as to what the hell im talking about, just look up 'two tops beyblade meme')

AND THIS ASK IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE FACT THAT THIS MEME FORMAT (in my opinion <3) IS WHOLLY ROLE REVERSED IN THIS SCENARIO

14ji? both tops in their own right- but i feel like either would be down for the other to fuck them and they wouldn't really fight about it. yonji is. big 👀 so ichiji wouldn't be complaining, allowing his need for control to fade away bc he trusts yonji to keep him safe.

and same goes vice versa- i think that if yonji would be willing to let any of his brothers top him, itd be ichiji. you can always trust big brother to treat you nicely (or to torture you, if that's what you want <3)

but on the OTHER hand...

niji and sanji, 23ji, both bottoms in their own right, are SCRABBLING at one another. niji wins for obvious reasons, but like... they can NOT fuck normally as a pair, they HAVE to be biting eachother, pulling hair, running nails across backs, throwing each other around.. it might even get to the point where reiju starts to wonder if she needs to step in before realizing that 'oh. this. this is their foreplay.'

and ofc niji wins out in the end, putting sanji in his place (his place being directly underneath niji <3) and fucking him till kingdom come, but like... they cant just Do That at the beginning. they need the built up tension or else its no fun

the end of this experiment leaves reiju wondering if at least two of her little brother are masochists (because she already knows 3 of em are sadists <3)

Reiju doing something like this is one my favorite concepts, she totally would!! She'd want to see how they interact, who makes who scream more, who likes to feel pain, who likes to inflic pain, who is softer, who cries and who makes the other cry. She'd think it's incredibly interesting and enlightening, but of course there's something in it for her too, as the good voyeur that she is she obvously get off on observing them too

To me it's the fact that you'd initially imagine ichiji and yonji would be the ones going absolutely insane because "there's no way in hell I'm gonna bottom, fight me for it", but ichiji's too calm and yonji knows he can simply use force to get what he wants if he's uncomfortable, so they easily settle into a silent agreement. Meanwhile it's niji and sanji instead going at each other like angry cats lol

The best is that niji and sanji are indeed the short tempered ones, so anything they get involved in has a chance to escalate, but when you pair them together?? There'll surely be blood and bite marks and nail scratches and purple bruises. I can imagine them growling at each other, "I'll make you mine", and they both shiver from it. Sanji's not used to seeing this particular side of niji and niji takes notice of it amidst his lust filled mind, so from there it's easier to overpower sanji, catch him right at a moment where he's gasping and pin him down

[ven7s]

nah cuz i just finished weak hero class 1 and that shit was so fucking good 😭😭. so many emotions and just wow the acting was phenomenal and the way the whole series was filmed and the ost was all just so perfect and contributed sm to how the drama turned out. and even though a lot of things were lowk diff from the webtoon it still stuck with the mainplot which i thought was weird at first but after finishing it props to the director and writer bc it turned out so well. specifically bc i felt more emotionally invested in beom seok then with bryce in the webtoon (more on this l8r)

and also im p much caught up on the webtoon but this drama still had me at the edge like 😧 i knew what was going to happen but i was still nervous asf and it was so thrilling

WEAK HERO CLASS 1 SPOILERS UNDER CUT !!!!

like i knew that beom seok wld eventually betray them but i still lowk got attached bc of how it was just so nice to see them all together laughing and having fun. and i knew the slight red flags like when beom seok checked his instagram and soo hos instagram to see if he followed back but it was just so... 🙁🙁 nice to see them together it made me so happy😭

but yeah the mix of emotions i had for beom seok.. like i hate him. hes a coward and he did irredeamable things but at the same time i feel for him. no child should go thru that type of abuse and neglect from anyone. especially from people who are there to nurture and love...

i think yk that and him being bullied in his previous school contributed A LOT as to why he turned out the way he is. ofc its not an excuse, its never an excuse but i think its def an explanation.

but i really got so angry when specifically he hired the guy to beat up soo ho for the like the 3rd time and after the boxing scene when he went up and started kicking soo ho on the head and stomach repeatedly. and also when he started to cry after realizing that soo ho wasnt breathing and how he was in a coma like mfw...😭?? not to mention the way he continued to blame young yi for the friendship falling apart.. like bro...you did that to yourself ☠️

but the thing is i dont think ill ever be able to fully hate him ??? ITS SUCH A WEIRD AND COMPLEX FEELING. like i genuinely believe that if he grew up in a loving and stable home he wldve never turned out like that. he wldve been such a sweet person😭😭. and ik that not all abuse victims turn out to be terrible people like him but idk i feel like he rlly wldve been so much better if he grew up with parents who genuinely wanted him and not just as a public stunt. even if he got therapy i think he wldve improved lowk.

but like man when episode 8 started off with all of them in the classroom on cleaning duty, just laughing and being friends that fr broke me 😕 + that whole scene when si eun was gettting revenge but couldnt hit beom seok and left the classroom and when people tried to stop him he like ounched the window next to him and started screaming LIKE MANN THAT HIT SO HARD😭😭😭 cuz hes supposed to be the smart composed person but when he started yelling it just hurt so bad 🫠

and man when i saw the eunjang sign,, the way i legit screamed ☠️☠️ IM SO EXCITED 😭

ALSO,, even though i havent watched a lot of dramas this year i think this drama is definitely one of the best, at least, its my personal favorite. and i might be biased bc ive been reading weak hero since i was in middle skl and it has a special place in my heart but idc its literally so well done😭😭 anyways my god this got way too long LMFAO and to anyone whos still reading this thanks for listening to my ramble and look at these photos from the actors instagrams 😭😭

TLDR: weak hero manhwa > weak hero kdrama but the kdrama was still pretty good wish they stuck more to the og manhwa but it turned out good so im not thaaat mad about it and im actually very psyched for s2 to come out and tbh just grateful we got a kdrama😭 +++ the OST is absolutely wonderful😞

[marionettedupaincheng]

could I get some advice.

so im living in a new place and I just moved in a couple of days ago. now I love my roommate, she’s a complete sweetie, and I have no issues w her. however, on our first day, she gave me the heads up that she was going to bring ppl over and I was like that’s fine. i thought i was going to be okay W it and I was!! i had fun w them but then I ended up gravitating towards my own room bc I was getting tired and needed an area to relax. im not sure what happened but I ended up crying. for some reason i suddenly felt overwhelmed and I wanted to sleep but then I felt frustrated bc suddenly everything felt crowded and there were so many ppl and I missed my parents. i ended up trying to settle myself and walk to the bathroom so I could call my dad and ask him if I could stay the night.

i rlly tried to seem okay bc I wasn’t exactly mad at anyone. i just felt suffocated and I needed to get out and get some space. i wasn’t trying to draw attention to myself but our living room is rlly small and unfortunately i knew I was going to get attention :/ I rlly tried to seem okay but the way I sounded like, they all probably thought I had an family emergency or something. they all asked what happened and I said I needed to leave and go home. I could’ve probably reacted better and come up with a better excuse but I was rlly emotional and I couldn’t outright say it was bc of them. there were 5 of them in the living room so ofc I felt a lil crowded and it sucked to feel like that on my first day at my new place. i would never blame anyone tho, it wasn’t even my intention to ruin their fun.

i texted one of my own personal friends who was there that night bc I needed some advice regarding how to talk to my roommate ab boundaries and all that bc that situation made me realize I should talk ab what im ok and I’m not ok w for my roommate.

i explained in further depth what I was going through and instead she had told me to get over it and said that me crying while leaving created this whole issue where my roommate’s friends left immediately after I did and felt like they caused a problem. in hindsight, I should’ve seen it coming. im torn between feeling angry and guilty.

i hate to think I made her friends feel bad ab what happened but im also just angry at my friend for saying that.

im already planning on clearing this up, but was I wrong for leaving in the first place?

[pyrait]

Friends after graduation

Kinda want to vent ab my uni friends

About a year ago, I finally agreed to go to my faculty's halloween party with my friends. This party is fucking big, like it's known in my city by every university student, tickets are super hard to get by, it's in a huge club and everybody dresses up.

Historically, ive hated parties. On one hand bc my alcoholic parents didnt give me the best experiences to handle drunk ppl, and on the other hand bc i had a lot of bad memories of when i used to black out when i was younger. But, this time, it was my last semester. I had only gone to this party on my first semester and ive become sober since, so i thought itd be a nice symbolic gesture to go, plus my friends really seemed to want me to.

Anyways, it's the party and im having a painfully normal time. I dont love dancing but i do like to talk to a lot of ppl, and i know a lot of ppl here. So i say hi to everyone i see and at one point i mix my main friend group and another couple of friends i know. I have to go to the bathroom, so i tell both groups and leave for a moment. When i come back, oh surpirse, literally not a soul on the dancefloor, not even a stranger.

Ofc, i start to panic. I don't remember if id ever told my friends, but another reason why i hate clubbing is bc, when i used to blackout, i usually did it with strangers. Strangers who obviously didnt care ab me, and basically left me to die everytime i got too drunk. This was kind of a trigger for me.

My phone was at 3%, and i've been left to die. Again. This time by my closest friends.

So i use my phone frantically to ask through the groupchat where everyone left to. Fortunately, it's inside the club. But, again, this club is huge.

They dont respond until after 15 minutes. They tell me where they are. I run. Theyre not there.

This goes on for literally an hour and a half. I couldnt go back home bc i didnt have my phone to ask for a taxi, and my friends didnt go looking after me even tho i was the only one who wasnt with the group.

By chance i find them and i start angry crying and scolding my friends as to why they left me alone. I told them that they knew how parties made me feel and they still cared more about themselves than me. One of them said "Sorry for leaving you, we just thought youd be perfectly fine on your own".

Now that i've been graduated from uni for ab six months, ive been feeling extra lonely bc im having a harder time socializing.

It's true what they say: once we´re all "adults", suddenly no one has time to hang out. It's not like we all have jobs, the majority including me's all unemployed and looking.

But i still see them posting pictures with eachother. They invite all eachother but me. They all support eachother in their crises but me.

Okay, about hanging out, maybe i havent been the most present friend. Im that type of person who loves you deeply regardless of how much we text or hang. But about treating eachothers crises, im always physically there. I send a little message, or i try to pay a visit.

This is not a victim competition, but some of my friends literally just break down for anything. And we're all still there reassuring them that we'll carry them.

For me, it's not the same. It seems like they feel the same way about leaving me alone at the club as they do for everything regarding me.

Even though I spent two months in bed and tried telling the people around me that i was going through a tough time and needed some support, no one came to ask me how i was doing. Like, why even try to bother when i got it perfectly all on my own.

I cant do it on my own. I need people. What do i have to do to be more lovable? What does their connection have that i cant fulfill?

[oceanforblues]

How it started

my father died when i was around 6 years old. we all lived in the same bulding.. kind of like a joint family. after my father died, people started to abuse my mom. she was distraught but also she was a working woman. you know how it was for women back in the day... she would go out to work and come home late and people would spread rumours like she was slutting around and hanging out with other men. the family would abuse me too. my cousins would sneak into my room and turn my tv off when id be watching tv. they would steal my toys. its like they made me a part of their family but at the same time treated me in a condescneding way. my mum ofc knew that because she was a grown woman. i didnt because i was a stupid kid. so i would always get upset with her that why would she get angry at my counsins because they were my friends. 

they would make fun of my weight all the time. their nickname for me would be “bidet” because my name is bushra. i dont know why i used to find tha funny back in the day. they would call me fat, they would make fat jokes around me like oh dont sit on the bed because you will break it. they would call me moti which means fatty. my uncle, their dad, would sexually harrass me actually. actually its really weird how many times i used to get touched as a child. my uncle would take my shirt off and roll me like dough on the floor. his wife wouldnt say anything but she would always look weird when she saw it. i didnt think much of it. they had a maid who used to work for them. she was also the first person who raped me. i woudl come home for lunch aroun 11am and around that time no one else would be around. so she would take me up to her bedroom, undress me, and she would do things with me that i feel like i shouldnt put in writing. i was 8. it felt weird when i saw her a few years ago when i went back home. 

oh, all of this happened while my mum was working. i guess she threw herself into her job after my dad died. which made sense. but she would focus on my brother more than me. her reasoning was that he never got his fathers love when i did so she needed to make sure he was loved more. which didnt make sense to me because he doesnt even remember father. i remember him. i remember his scent, his face, his memories, i remember the way he would hug me and hold me and how he would dance with me at night and sing with me and how he would do fun activities with me. wouldnt it make sense for her to care for me because ive been mourning him the most? she worked a lot because she wanted my brother to go to a private english school and not a boarding school like me.  my grandfather wouldnt allow it so she worked to pay for his tuition. she also paid for this math class i took, which honestly came in handy even now. but yeah. 

the other times i got harassed was when i went to my grammas place back in the villages. this one i remember so distinctively. it was some dude that worked for a neighbor. i remember he called me, took me upstairs to some corner and started to ask me some random questions while he slipped his hand under my shirt and felt me up. felt me up everywhere. i dont know why i didnt do anything. i never got touched like that before so i didnt know what to do. i just let him do it. all while my mum and my family was there with me. other times i got assaulted i guess would be the times some grown ass men would stare at me as i was walking to school, call me names, sing for some reason etc etc. i was unfamiliar with the concept of misogyny and sexual assault back in the day so i truly thought that was normal. i feel guilty at myself for not doing aynhting. i dont know why im crying now because it doesnt even affect me now. am i feeling bad for my past self? or am i actually grieving? 

but yeah. after my dad died all that stuff happened. after my grandfather died it got worse. he died around 2015 i think. he was basically my father bc he took care of me after my father died, when he saw that my mum was too busy focusing on my brother. he wasnt the best either i mean he treated my gramma like absolute garbage but he was nice to me.