#and on a deeper level he is Genuinely a very empathetic person who hands out casual acts of kindness to strangers like candy

[talentforlying]

what's that quote from nbc hannibal like "extreme cruelty requires extreme empathy"? that's a constantine ass theme right there. he is as capable of being cruel as he is capable of caring for others, and he cares very, very deeply for others.

[kaori04]

@thelostgirl21 So I finished watching and getting back to you!

I felt really bad for Radovid by the end, but also excited, this is very interesting storyline that can go in many ways with a huge potential for development for both Radovid and Jaskier. I am especially happy that it provides a good opportunity for Jaskier to be someone else entirely except for his comic relief persona he performs for everybody else except Radovid, the only one who takes him seriously and is eager to get to know him on a deep level without dismissiveness other demonstrate his way. Same goes in the opposite direction too, as Radovid was never taken seriously too, not by his ignorant brother Visimir who is not delicate enough to understand Radovid's more tender nature, and not by masterminds Dijkstra and Philippa, who consider him only as an object of manipulation in their game of thrones and no worthy of real attention.

Radovid and Jaskier are two sensitive and deeply empathetic ppl who developed their own protective tools for dealing with harsh realities of the world they are in. Jaskier has his humor, while Radovid prefers just to be quiet to appear smarter/more knowledgeable than he is and he is also very careful with his words whenever he does speak. So while both are very reflective of the world around them and have a habit to read ppl around them, their coping mechanisms that usually help them to survive also come back to bite them in the ass when they encounter someone who is genuine in their attempts to build a sincere connection with them.

Radovid's secretive nature, his lack of spontaneuty makes him seem more dangerous than he is, like he has something to hide (didn't it fool us all before vol. 2), and it indeed prevents him from being open and honest. That inevitably leads to a scene like that in ep. 6, when his actions is very difficult to explain without assuming his bad faith, so Jaskier falls in this trap. And I actually think Jaskier believes Radovid is telling the truth, but circumstances are such that Jaskier cannot just relax and believe in the best, because if he is wrong and acts on it the results might be catastrophic, so he takes the safest route, even if it means hurting the man who had a potential to become the most important person in his life. Jaskier chooses others (Ciri and everyone else who would get hurt if she gets in the wrong hands) over himself, and yes, also sort of pushes Radovid under the bus too. But on the one hand there is the life of a young innocent girl he feels responsible for and the destiny of the continent, and on the other there are feelings of grown man who is the whole prince (and he isn't aware yet how dangerous his household is).

I don't want it to sound like I think Jaskier choose the best route of action, I think he could be far more delicate about it, imho no need to be rude and everything. And taking into the account how soft Jaskier is with everyone else who demonstrates him their vulnerability, it looked even out of character. But given the circumstances (very stressful) I can take that as a narrative device to create more drama and more conflict and prepare the grounds for more interesting and deeper exploration of both the characters. It will all depend on how the twn team will deal with that further.

[himitsu-luna]

Headcanon

⸰ֺ⭑Nct 127 - Ideal types⭑ֺ⸰

❥︎𑁍 Taeil

Someone like the moon. Serene, a comforting presence, humble, but that still possesses various interesting facets and is able to light the darkest room. Someone with a magnetic aura, whose presence is subtle, but when they are not around, they are definetely missed. Someone soft who inspire romantic thoughts and actions. Someone cute but that doesn't realize it. Someone silly who makes him smile and laugh at the smallest things, that vibes with him in a deeper level. Someone simple, as chill as him, as free spirited as him, who will be up to do anything with him. Someone who has the ability to make the most complicated thing look easy, that can vanish any bad feelings with a reassuring smile or touch. Someone that appreciates his entire being and all of his perfect imperfections.

❥︎𑁍 Johnny

Someone like the sun. Spontaneous, warm, bright, inviting, that makes him feel that life would be impossible without them. Someone that smiles a lot and laughs easily, that is kind of random. Someone visionary, free, that just catches his hand and says "let's go!". Someone who is genuine in everything they do and say, that sees no problem in saying "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong". Someone hardworking, that works more for others than for themselves. Someone with whom he can have cheesy pick up lines battles and that can make him flustered at the end. Someone that has firm steps and knows where they are going, that has a broad vision of life. Someone balanced, 50% emotional and 50% rational.

❥︎𑁍 Taeyong

Someone like a lighthouse. Always there to guide him, to show him that he is not alone, to show him the way when he feels lost, someone he knows that will be there for him, waiting for him at that same spot, with unchanged feelings. Someone dependable and reliable, with a motherly instinct, but that still has their inner child jumping and playing at times. Someone wise, from whom he can always learn a new thing. Someone that can make him slow down sometimes to enjoy a peaceful afternoon. Someone that can read, match and change his moods, that knows exactly what to do in every situation, that makes him feel safe and understood. Someone that goes to him with open arms and always listen to him before listening to anyone else.

❥︎𑁍 Yuta

Someone like a painting. Expressive, colorful, admirable, interesting, full of layers, that show themselves completely, but there's always some detail yet to be discovered if you look at them from a different angle. Someone fair, just, loyal, that kind of person that you can trust completely. Someone that actually doesn't fall for his pranks, because they are always one step ahead. Someone playful, sincere, open minded, free of judgements, that just want people to be happy and prays everyday for this world to get peace. Someone who matches his intensity, but is far from being competitive. Someone strong, maybe tough, but that has soft spots for a lot of cute little things. Someone kind and generous, that is always ready to help others.

❥︎𑁍 Doyoung

Someone like a precious crystal. Beautiful, transparent, formed with a lot of patience, that takes the hardships in life to become a better person, that seems delicate but is actually very strong, extremely precious and valuable in every way. Someone with an extremely good heart and a charming great mind. Someone who forgives easily, even though they shouldn't. Someone who is good with words, that expresses themselves well, that is honest with their feelings and share them with him. Someone who has the sense of commitment and give their all in the relationship. Someone who gets along with his family and friends. Someone who has eyes just for him, that is his supporting system, his number one fan, that recognizes all of his efforts. Someone who truly listen to others and keep in their hearts everyone's story.

❥︎𑁍 Jaehyun

Someone like an old love song. Filled with tender emotions, ageless, classic, someone who evoque sweet memories everytime he looks at them, someone who validates his thoughts and feelings. Someone who makes him miss them, that makes him smile with just one text message. Someone that doesn't push or rush him, that is in the same wavelenght as him, that walk in the same pace as him, that makes him feel comfortable and relaxed, that brings harmony to his life. Someone encouraging, that makes him gladly go out of his comfort zone sometimes. Someone entertaining, creative, that comes up with the most brilliant and funny thoughts from time to time. Someone fascinating, charming, passionate, that speaks with their whole body when they get excited.

❥︎𑁍 Winwin

Someone like the ocean. Deep, pacific, that makes him feel free and calm, that has the strong power to pull him to them, that gives him that feeling that the world is huge and there's so many things he doesn't know yet . Someone who gets his walls down, that makes him wanting to be the chaser. Someone who accepts him, who understands him, who doesn't suffocate or pressure him on acting in a certain way. Someone considerate, respectful, a gentle and ethereal soul. Someone that people may label as traditional, but that has a truly rich inner world, that they share only with him. Someone that quietly takes care of him just for the sake of caring, without any greed or second intentions.

❥︎𑁍 Jungwoo

Someone like a flower. Sweet, unique, fresh, that attracts people to them, fill everyone with happiness and with the feeling that at the end things will be alright and that life is indeed beautiful and worth living. Someone supportive, that will stay by his side and will make him their priotity. Someone who shows unconditional trust on him, on his feelings, on his thoughts, that makes him feel confident about himself. Someone with a hint of a genius mind, that can follow his thoughts, and that has thousands of hobbies, because they like to keep their mind running. Someone who won't deny his affection and will give him all the hugs he needs.

❥︎𑁍 Mark

Someone like the sky. Pure, sincere, soft, clear, that shelters everybody under their veil with no prejudice, that makes him want to fly high. Someone easy to deal with, that doesn't like conflicts, but that also knows how to protect themselves and the ones that need to be protected. Someone who gets involved in his daily life, that shows interest in the things he does. Someone empathetic, positive, cute, kind, soft spoken, that sees the bright side of the world. Someone who feels like a best friend, that greet him with a high five followed by a sweet little peck. Someone overall calm and chill, but that also has lots of chaotic moments that makes him burst into giggles.

❥︎𑁍 Haechan

Someone like the stars. Cute, special, lovely, that shines on their own and helps others find their own light, that is there even if you don't see them, that makes his eyes sparkle. Someone as wild as him, as intelligent as him, that thinks quick and acts quicker. Someone sweet and friendly, that makes sure everyone feels included. Someone who recognizes him and takes him seriously, that talks to him about any subject: politics, food, tv shows, science, business, everything. Someone affectionate, that hugs him, kisses him, that says him at the end of the day "You did great!". Someone that gently point him his hits and misses, that is always leading him to improvement. Someone mature yet carefree, funny and bubbly at their core.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

•° Anon, here is your request! I hope you like it! (I'm not actually satisfied with it, maybe I'll change it in the future, but feel free to give me a feedback! )✨

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* If you want to be added to or removed from the taglist, just send me an ask or a message (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

•° Masterlist

...

[namimashi]

—𝐓𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐫 (𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐯𝐞𝐫.)

Part 1 | Part 2

This part contains Asahi, Yedam, Doyoung, Haruto, Jeongwoo and Junghwan ideal type

↳ 𝐀𝐬𝐚𝐡𝐢

virgo moon, cancer venus, sagittarius mars, cancer juno

His ideal type is someone who's empathetic, charming, caring and at the same time easygoing and chill. He's very attracted to someone who's friendly, simply with whom it's easy to get along and have a friendly conversation. However, if it's also someone with a warm and sensitive heart, who's good and honest, then that will completely catch his eye. Asahi is attracted to people who can give him space and who are independent. He will enjoy having fun and entertaining activities with his s/o but his energy can easily drop so it's essential for him that it's someone who can respect that. At the same time, he finds someone who's optimistic and open to trying new things with him attractive, on the contrary it will be difficult for him to deal with someone who's too pessimistic and serious. He's looking for someone with whom he can share carefree and fun moments, being able to put the tense moments behind when they're together. That will move him. More deeply, he definitely needs someone he can care for so that he can fall in love, because in fact, the way to show love from him is by wanting to care for those he loves. Then he will like a s/o willing to open up to him, to ask for his help and advice them when they need it, because even though he likes carefree moments with his s/o, he also believes that it's important to advise and take care of others when they need it. He's looking for someone with whom he can have a deep sentimental connection, where they both genuinely take care of each other. He finds a s/o who's demonstrative and affectionate with him extremely attractive, especially after he takes the time to care for them as a show of affection. If the person receives it lovingly, then it will make him feel loved and valued. He will just feel like he's in heaven. Asahi can have problems when expressing his feelings, many times he prefers to listen to others and avoid talking about himself on these types of issues, so a s/o that gives him a safe space for him to be able to open up sentimentally it will be ideal. Someone patient and willing to forge a slow relationship, as he can be very reserved at first. Asahi also has an urgent need to feel needed, he genuinely likes to help the people he loves and to give them support without expecting anything in return, so again, he's looking for someone who will put their full trust in him so that he can feel loved. Someone who will look for him every time they feel in trouble but is also willing to help him when he needs it. Someone intuitive, loving, thoughtful and caring seems attractive to him. The relationship for Asahi should be kept as a safe place that both of them can return to when they feel lost, also with lots of emotional connection and mutual support. It should be like a second home full of attention and care.

key words: empathetic, friendly, affectionate, open to expressing their emotions, demonstrative, emotional, care-giver

↳ 𝐘𝐞𝐝𝐚𝐦

pisces moon, gemini venus, gemini mars, leo juno

His ideal type is someone talkative, sociable, intelligent, entertaining and humorous, although with an emotional and kind-hearted side. It should definitely be someone with whom he can have very interesting and entertaining conversations, since for Yedam that's the most important factor in a relationship. He needs connection and constant mental stimulation, that's why he looks for a s/o with whom conversations can simply flow without pressure and with whom he can talk about varied but interesting topics without getting bored. He finds someone who knows how to socialize and cope with a social situation extremely attractive, someone who knows how to speak correctly in front of others and enlivens the environment with humorous comments, who at the same time has an intellectual touch when speaking or sharing their opinions. A s/o that radiates intelligence and charisma wherever they go. Entertaining, funny, outgoing and perhaps even a little sarcasm would appeal to Yedam. This person must be able to keep Yedam's interest intact through different, spontaneous and fun plans to be able to hang out together where both can laugh and forget about worries. Someone who's willing to spend hours talking about different things with him. He looks for a s/o with an always optimistic energy, who's open to trying new things and who doesn't take life too seriously or with pessimism. He probably has trouble being around someone who's very closed, reserved, shy or serious, although he has no problem socializing with them, he just feels more in vibe with more easygoing and social people. For Yedam a couple of laughs and entertaining conversations is definitely heaven. He also will be moved by someone who has good opinions on things, good judgment and who speaks logically. He will admire it so much. At a deeper level, Yedam is a sensitive, empathetic and very intuitive person with the emotional states of the people around him. In fact, he can be very emotional, he tends to absorb the emotions of others and that's why he often tends to need time alone to recharge. Because of this, in addition to mental connection, Yedam also seeks a deep emotional connection where he can nurture himself. He needs someone to feel connected and understood with, at the same time that that person talks to him about their feelings. He needs to feel that there's a special bond beyond the superficial. He finds a demonstrative, sentimental, kind-hearted and empathic s/o attractive. If it's someone who's intuitive and able to understand what he's feeling without having to say much, then it will feel like heaven to him. Someone sociable and talkative but with a big emotional side is just everything he's looking for as his ideal type. On the other hand, he also likes to keep the relationship with a characteristic of great loyalty and mutual protection, the relationship is something that he wants to keep as special, like a trophy. Because of this, he finds someone loyal, trustworthy but very charismatic attractive.

key words: sociable, talkative, humorous, intelligent, kind-hearted, intuitive, loyal

↳ 𝐃𝐨𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠

aries moon, capricorn venus, pisces mars, sagittarius juno

His ideal type is someone hard-working, responsible, who knows what they want and go for it, independent, strong and admirable. Doyoung can be very slow in the process of falling in love, in fact he likes things to be that way, so in the same way he looks for a s/o who advances slowly and progressively in love with him. He finds extremely attractive someone who is career-oriented or takes it very seriously, who has a very mature and responsible energy. Someone who knows exactly what they do and go for what they want. Decisive and determined, someone probably older than him. He looks for a stable s/o with whom he can commit himself seriously, although it's really hard to him, he takes love very seriously, so his partner must take it very seriously in the same way. He prefers long-term relationships. Doyoung also finds a s/o with a good public position, who is respectable and worthy of what they do, extremely attractive. He's also a very sweet person from his heart, he's peaceful and kind, he doesn't like confrontations, in fact it causes him discomfort and he tends to avoid it, that's why he looks for someone who can fit in with that part of him. A peaceful s/o who doesn't seek to get into fights over things that aren't too important. He has escapist tendencies, so he probably needs someone to give him his space, but at the same time act as his anchor and bring him to reality when he needs it. More in depth and what really nurtures him in love, in addition to serious commitment, is the feeling of adrenaline and passion. Doyoung is attracted to someone who seems a challenge or who's difficult to get. He will find it extremely attractive if it's a s/o with a strong character who knows how to defend themselves when necessary. Someone who's spontaneous, straightforward, energetic and fiery. Someone with whom he can compete healthily and have fun that way, while also giving him a constant sense of excitement when they're together. With whom he can share spontaneous and entertaining plans without too much concern. Doyoung probably prefers to have more energetic activities, so he looks for a s/o who also likes those types of activities. Doyoung also needs to feel like he's in command, he doesn't like to feel like he's losing control or he's being trampled on, so someone who tries to dominate him a lot won't like him at all. On the contrary, someone who's honest and shows respect for who he is will be extremely attractive to him. He likes to maintain the relationship with airs of great freedom, he prefers that it be someone free-spirited and independent with whom he can share a serious bond but with whom, at the same time, can give enough space and freedom. Also with whom he can keep things carefree, fun and optimistic.

key words: commited, responsible, hardworking, carer-oriented, independent, strong, optimistic, spontaneous

↳ 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐨

libra moon, gemini venus, gemini mars, capricorn juno

His ideal type is someone talkative, sociable, charming, friendly, educated and intelligent. He finds attractive a s/o with whom he can have fluid and interesting conversations. With whom he can have a very strong mental connection. Haruto is another one of the many who believes that communication is the most important thing in a relationship, that's why an important factor is that he and his s/o can talk without feeling uncomfortable or bored. He also needs constant mental stimulation so as not to get bored, so it's necessary that it's someone who's entertaining for him. Someone naturally charismatic, humorous and who knows well what to say and how to do it to appear charming in front of everyone, but especially of him. Someone with social skills, who knows how to cope with a social situation or who takes the first step in such cases will be extremely attractive to Haruto. A s/o who speaks with a certain amount of intellectuality but can also make a lot of situational jokes. Spontaneous, cheerful, optimistic and carefree with life in general, he prefers someone who isn't serious or pessimistic about things. Someone with whom he can have very fun and entertaining dates and moments, with whom he can talk for hours about various interesting topics, simply laugh and leave worries behind every time they're together. A s/o willing to try new things with him, open-minded and with good opinions. Someone who just keeps the spark of interest from him, as he can get bored quickly if he feels things get predictable or too bland. Warm, kind and caring are also very important characteristics that he looks for in a person. Haruto is the type of person who fixes very deeply on the other person's personality, as well as their mind. He needs it to be a person who fills his heart, that he knows that he can completely count on that someone and trust. So a s/o that inspires trustworthy, while being good and attentive to the needs of the people around them. Although especially of his. Tolerant and peaceful, he hates confrontations and troubled moments in a relationship, so he looks for someone to give him security from that side. A s/o who knows very well how to deal with problems in a relationship in a calm and peaceful way. Someone he can depend on and anchor when he needs it. He will want to do everything with that person, in fact Haruto is a bit clingy, so that person must be willing to share many moments together, but also give each other the space and mutual freedom they need. He will fall in love if it's someone with a good sense of justice and good opinions, or who can at least share the same thought. At the same time, he likes to maintain a somewhat structured relationship in the sense that it must give him security and stability. He will like a partner who's hardworking or has a good social status, who works hard in their career and is responsible for compliance with the rules.

key words: trustworthy, charming, talkative, optimistic, spontaneous, intelligent, entertaining, hardworking

↳ 𝐉𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐰𝐨𝐨

pisces/aries moon (uncertain), leo venus, libra mars, capricorn juno

His ideal type is someone sociable, charming, pleasant, tolerant, charismatic and who isn't afraid of being the center of attention. A s/o who radiates an elegant and charismatic air, which when they speak is simply very charming for him to listen to. Someone who seems delicate because of how peaceful, patient and good they are. At the same time, he also finds attractive someone who knows how to be sociable, talk to others and genuinely flatter people. Jeongwoo can be a little anti-confrontational so he won't like someone who seeks too much trouble or tries to confront him too much. A s/o who knows how to intelligently deal with a problem. Seeks someone with whom he can make plans for lots of fun times together. He will want to have relaxing but entertaining moments with that someone, constant dating and flirting. A s/o open to spending time together but when necessary, who gives each other enough space and freedom. Who's compassionate and affectionate with him, who returns the attention he provides will fill his heart. At the same time, someone bold and fiery, who exudes a very confident aura and isn't afraid to attract attention will be extremely attractive to him. Someone who knows what they want and do everything to get it. A s/o who simply radiates greatness and is striking, someone he would admire for that. He will find it attractive someone brave and who doesn't fear to express themselves and cares a lot about their personal appearance. Loyal and protective of their loved ones. Jeongwoo will want to get that person's attention at all costs, and when they do, he will want to be the center of their attention. He will fall in love with a demonstrative s/o who constantly compliments him for what he does, someone who makes him feel special and valued. At the same time he values ​​loyalty very much, it must be someone who's totally committed to him and pay their attention only to him. He likes to maintain the relationship with an air that provides stability and security, at some point he may take the relationship very seriously. It's important to him that his s/o is someone hard-working, career-oriented and responsible with life, someone who follows the rules and maintains stability. He's probably attracted to someone with good social status.

-Since his moon sign is uncertain, it is not possible to know specifically if he's attracted to a more intuitive/empathetic/emotional partner or to a more fiery/strong/competitive partner:(

key words: charming, pleasing, charismatic, confident, sociable, peaceful, loyal, hardworking

↳ 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐰𝐚𝐧

gemini moon, aquarius venus, capricorn mars, pisces juno

His ideal type is someone friendly, unique, spontaneous, intellectual, rational, talkative, mature, and hardworking. Junghwan is looking for someone who can be his best friend but also his partner, someone who gives a lot of space and freedom to the relationship but at the same time that can spend fun times together. He finds very attractive a s/o who also has a very kind and caring side, who's humanitarian and benevolent, who likes to help without expecting anything in return. Friendly, easygoing, optimistic and entertaining, someone who simply emits a unique vibe, which stands out from the rest for being different from the ordinary. Detached and independent, who knows how to fend for themselves and is free-spirited. He won't like a s/o very dependent on him or absorbing with the relationship. He needs a lot of space. He will find someone who has a humor similar to his very attractive, who makes things fun and entertaining, and that thanks to that he can forget about his worries for a moment. Not too cheesy or affectionate. Junghwan also finds someone who's ambitious and hardworking like him attractive, with whom he can share the same principles and vision of life. He will admire someone who strongly seeks to achieve their career-oriented goals. Someone who strives to get what they want when they set their mind to it. Also, he looks for a s/o who speaks logically, who's objective and not overly emotional. He mostly prefers someone who provides real solutions to a situation over emotional support. He doesn't understand very well the very intense emotional states in people, so someone who's too sensitive or emotional will drive him away. Conversations are very important to him, he needs to feel a mental connection in the relationship and that the talks can flow freely. He likes mental stimulation and he loves to express himself about what he thinks, so someone who can listen to him him and who's also talkative will make him fall in love. He's attracted to someone sociable and intelligent, who knows what they are talking about and has an air of intellectuality when they do it. Junghwan also sees relationships as something where he merges, a special connection, he will like a partner who can bring that to the relationship. He's probably very attracted to someone intuitive who makes him feel that special something that he seeks.

key words: unique, talkative, spontaneous, independent, free-spirited, friendly, sociable, hardworking

[hyena-frog]

Makes me so sad to think about how Cassius raised Lysander for 10 YEARS and came to love him like a brother and likely put a ton of effort into being a decent role model only for Lysander to turn around and become exactly like Octavia..... like can you imagine what must be going through Cassius’ head when he flies over Lysander at the end of DA.. :( seeing the kid he raised to adulthood become a monster.. I just... ugh. It tears me up inside

Hoo boy, I hope you’re prepared for the essay I’m about to write.

Genuinely, I think about this all the time. Cassius and Lysander have one of the most complex, tragic relationships the second trilogy has to offer. I hated Cassius so much after Golden Son but now he’s one of my favorite characters. I would really love it if he is the new POV Pierce Brown promised. In the second trilogy, Cassius has been exclusively filtered through Lysander’s POV, so I’m dying to know his own thoughts on everything that has happened. (But I would also like a Volga POV for the Obsidian story and maybe Diomedes POV for the Rim perspective. I’m torn.) I just want Cassius to have a happy ending. And I hate Lysander, but I would really like for him to see eye to eye with Cassius at least once before he is horribly, painfully, rightfully murdered.

Now, the thing is, Cassius didn’t come to love Lysander as a brother over time, he already loved him when he decided to become his guardian and mentor. It bugged me that, at the end of Morning Star, it didn’t feel like Cassius’ decision to take in Lysander was justified enough. All we really got out of him was that Lysander reminded him of Julian. Pretty flimsy. Then Iron Gold came along and blessed us with a flashback to when they first met. Little Lysander wasn’t too impressed with Cassius (he wasn’t exactly as respectable post Red Rising as he is now) but Cassius quickly went from calling Lysander an “eerie little creature” to declaring “I’ve decided to like you, little moon boy.” From that moment, Cassius truly cared for Lysander. Reading that flashback again after Dark Age makes me so emotional.

Lysander has this complex about being Julian’s replacement, that Cassius doesn’t love him so much as he loves the shadow of Julian he sees in him. And he’s justified, in a way, because Cassius does slip up and call him Julian sometimes, but it’s usually when he’s delirious from pain and not thinking clearly. Lysander completely misses the fact that Cassius does love him. I guess he doesn’t have much experience recognizing when he’s genuinely cared for, because why would he, but there is plenty of evidence of Cassius’ true feelings.

For example, Cassius sold most of his remaining family possessions to keep them afloat on the Archimedes. Now, Cassius isn’t strapped for cash by any means but the fact he cares for Lysander (and Pytha) enough to sell many of the last reminders of his dead family that he owns, is very telling. But Lysander doesn’t think about that. He acknowledges that it happened but doesn’t consider the deeper, emotional meaning behind that action.

Another example is Cassius opening up to Lysander about the last time he ever saw his father. How he disappointed Tiberius but finally regained his respect, only for the entire Bellona family to be slaughtered shortly after that reconciliation. That was a sign that he loves and trusts Lysander enough to be vulnerable with him. He never told that story to anyone else, as far as we know. He believed he was going to die in the Bleeding Place and wanted that memory of his father to live on in Lysander. The fact that Lysander is blind to how Cassius genuinely loves him, even now, is tragic.

You’re right, Cassius did try to be a good role model and pass on good morals. I think the scene in Dark Age, where Pytha confesses that Cassius forbade her from revealing to Lysander that she is actually a soldier and not a disgraced commercial pilot, as he was lead to believe, was very telling. Cassius attempted to show Lysander life outside of politics and war. He tried to show him that all Colors are equals deserving of respect. Cassius was devastated when Lysander chose to save Seraphina over the many mid- and low-color prisoners on the Vindabona. He was horrified that Lysander chose “quality” of life saved over quantity. This coming from Cassius, who compared Pinks to animals in Red Rising. Cassius has learned and changed a lot since the first book and he tried to pass those lessons onto Lysander. But it didn’t stick. Not even after 10 years of teaching.

Unfortunately, his teachings were tainted by his bad coping mechanisms for his personal demons. His alcoholism, his continued pining for Virginia, combined with his betrayal of Octavia and involvement in Aja's brutal murder, gave Lysander enough excuses to never fully embrace his lessons. While Lysander did love Cassius, there was always some flaw or another in his teacher that allowed him to comfortably distance himself from the lessons that diverged from Octavia’s teachings. To be honest, Cassius had no business taking on a ward while he was so torn up inside. Keeping Lysander isolated in a tin can in the middle of space for 10 years, instead of living among diverse people, didn’t do him any favors either. Frankly, Cassius missed a lot of red flags. A big one is the fact Lysander carved Lux ex tenebris, the Lune family motto, into the ceiling of his room on the Archimedes, where he could stare up at it every night. Yikes.

This dissonance in Lysander’s thinking is what lead to his betrayal in the Bleeding Place. Yes, Lysander loves Cassius and wanted to save his life rather than see him die at the hands of people who don’t respect him. But he also genuinely believes in the inherent hierarchy of Octavia’s teachings, that the “true order” is for Cassius to follow him. If Cassius lives, if he can convince him that his rightful place is to follow Lysander, things can finally be right in the worlds. Cassius failed to express his feelings in a way Lysander can comprehend, so he felt he was just a replacement for Julian. Lysander can dismiss Cassius’ love as love for his dead twin, and in turn, he can dismiss his claim to believe in the inherent equality of humankind as guilt and justification for killing his Sovereign. Cassius was unable to truly see how badly he failed until he was betrayed.

Since Cassius was absent for most of the plot following his “death” it’s difficult to concretely say what he’s been thinking since then. But I’ve been thinking a lot about him, so here is my conjecture. Take it with a grain of salt.

That moment you mention, when Cassius flies overhead, he deliberately retracted his helmet for a brief moment of eye contact with Lysander, so he would know exactly who rescued Darrow... Shivers. So much left unsaid. I imagine Cassius was thinking a lot of things in that moment. On the one hand, some pettiness and anger at being betrayed: “I lived bitch, I rescued Darrow, this is where my loyalties lie.” But there was also probably a mixture of shock and guilt at knowing what Lysander has done, at who he’s sided with and enabled, but also at seeing evidence of physical suffering in Lysander's burn scar and blind eye. Cassius loved Lysander, he was his guardian for 10 years, so he would hate to see him hurt. I think he would feel responsible for Lysander’s actions on some level, even if he logically understands that he’s an adult who makes his own choices.

Regardless, Cassius probably blames himself on some level. That’s what I think anyway. He tried his best to teach this kid good morals for an entire decade only for him to cling to the ideals his grandmother taught him. That has to sting. It’s probably also embarrassing, to a degree. Cassius made this grand promise to Darrow that he’d raise Lysander right, that Sevro was wrong to suggest they should have just killed him when he was little. Now Cassius’ failure to make good on that promise has been advertised to the whole Solar System through Lysander’s actions on Mercury. Surely Cassius feels responsible.

Cassius had a lot of time to think during his long return trip to the Core. About what happened with Lysander in the Rim, about his lingering feelings for Virginia, about his place in the Republic, and about what he really considers the right thing to do. Cassius can be intensely empathetic when he allows himself to be. For example, in Morning Star, he managed to really sympathize with Darrow’s life when they were drinking whiskey together. I’m willing to bet he spent that long return journey considering Lysander’s perspective with a clear head, after spending so many years lost in the haze of his own sorrows. Now that he is out of that bad mental place, he is likely able to see where he made mistakes in how he raised Lysander.

It will make for an interesting confrontation between Cassius and Darrow, who is thoroughly, understandably, done with Lysander, when the time comes to kill him. Cassius knows the danger Lysander poses and probably won’t argue against killing him this time, but I do think he would resist a little and at least try to find an alternative solution.

Lastly, I just want to say this, since it’s sort of relevant: This fandom tends to agree that Sevro should have just killed Lysander as a child, but if I’m being honest, I don’t agree. Kill Lysander now, as an adult, by all means, but as a kid he hadn’t done anything wrong yet, even if he was a little creepy. Darrow was right to give him the chance to live in peace. Too bad he ultimately didn’t take it. I especially don’t think Cassius would agree killing Lysander as a kid was the right choice, even now. He is traumatized by the sudden loss of most of his family, including little kids, so I don’t think he’d ever agree to killing a child. If he could somehow go back in time, knowing what he knows now, I think he would make the same choice to raise Lysander. In that scenario, I think he would rather try to fix the mistakes he made as a mentor, rather than punish Lysander.

Guh. Anyway. I had a lot of words in me about this subject. Hope you got something out of it! I’m consistently amazed by how Pierce Brown’s writing compels me to think deeply about these characters. Not to mention his ability to make me understand Lysander’s perspective even if I don’t like it or agree with it. Cassius’ perspective though... well, half of this post is just me guessing, so we’ll have to see how close I am to canon when book 6 comes out. Thanks for reading!

[apriorisea]

What do you think each of the boys top “love languages” are? (Acts of service, words of affirmation, etc)? You write so well, love ur blog 💛

-- Hi!! Thank you so much for your sweet words^^ That’s so nice of you. Also, wow, this is such a great question!!! I love thinking about how to categorize personalities, so I really enjoyed pondering this for a while 🤔😅Eventually I just went with what made the most sense to me, but undoubtedly these opinions could change over time. And, of course, these are just *my* thoughts, so I’d really love to hear from everyone whether they agree or disagree and why~ Thanks again and I hope you are having a great day/night 💜💕

BANGTAN LOVE LANGUAGES

Seokjin: Quality Time      -I think you could make a strong argument that he is also “words of affirmation,” especially given how much he courts praise (worldwide handsome, my handsome face, yes I’m handsome, etc etc), but.....I would also say that exact reason is why it’s not his love language. I think his personality is such that if it were his true love language, he wouldn’t be so bold about asking for it or encouraging it. So....for me, the thing that really makes sense for Mr. Worldwide Handsome himself is quality time. Of the 7 of them, Jin had the most opportunity to experience a “normal life.” He was already a college student by the time he was recruited, so I have always felt that, for him, the magnitude of their fame and the ways it changed his life has been a little bittersweet. No matter how grateful he is for his life and proud of his work and happy to be what he is, I can’t help but feel that he mourns the loss of that normalcy in a deeper way than the others. Therefore, I think it truly means the most to him when he is able to spend free, unbothered, private, and significant time with people he cares about. The ability to set down the title of “BTS’ Jin” for just a moment and be relaxed in company where he feels completely comfortable and cared for and normal is a dream situation for him. 

Yoongi: Physical Touch      -So Yoongi is, in my opinion, the most empathetic member of the group---the one who is always silently watching, listening, observing, and then handling whatever comes up. He is painfully aware of the needs of every person around him and doesn’t hesitate to step up and fill those needs where he can, and if he can’t do it alone, he helps the person find the solution elsewhere. Because of this, I think he’s very well versed in giving love in the form of words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and even occasionally giving gifts. However, I think the way he craves affection is through physical touch. Words of affirmation is a close second to me, but I think, genuinely, when he is as in-tune to the emotions and needs of others sometimes he just needs someone to hold his hand. I also think that, for him, physical touch and quality time kind of come hand-in-hand (no pun intended): his idea of being loved is sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with someone who loves him for a long period of time. Someone who will cuddle him and hold his hand and hug him when he’s tired and stressed, when he can’t sleep at night, when he is too overwhelmed to even work. Being in a loving, comfortable environment to him means being in one where puppy-piles on the couch aren’t unheard of, where it’s not strange to bustle around the kitchen bumping into each other, and where a touch on the arm is as commonplace as a smile. 

Hoseok: Acts of Service      -J-Hope is the toughest one for me, for reasons that I can’t quite explain. I think he plays such an important role in the group that has so many nuances I can’t really pin any one love language on him---except, for some reason, the one that sticks out the most to me is acts of service. For someone who has, by his own admission, worked very hard to cultivate and embody a particular persona (one that is happy and carefree and positive), I can see him being really moved by having someone quietly do things for him that make his life easier. Making him a meal after a hard rehearsal, unpacking his things for him after a long tour, doing the dishes or taking out the trash so he doesn’t have to worry about it, etc etc. Doing the hard or tedious or daunting things for him so he has a chance to just relax, to put down the persona for just a moment and be babied a little. 

Namjoon: Words of Affirmation      -Words mean the most to Namjoon. He has intentionally surrounded himself with words his whole life: lyrics, languages, poetry, literature. He probably also enjoys an act of service or an odd hour or two doing something Namjoony (museums, nature, etc) with someone he loves, but I think, when it comes right down to it, Namjoon communicates most and best with words. However, while others need words to praise them or acknowledge them, sometimes I think Namjoon simply craves conversation that stimulates his incredibly high level of intelligence. Sometimes, he just needs someone with whom he can discuss his deepest thoughts, opinions, philosophies, ideas, fears---and who will then affirm everything he has said; not necessarily agree, but just affirm that his thoughts are valid and interesting and provoking, to vibe with him on a similar level. Also, I think he really appreciates being told that his music, his actions, his life has had a positive impact on others. And, of course, I think he, who was mocked early on for his appearance, really thrills at being complimented for things beyond just his intellect and talent. 

Jimin: Receiving Gifts      -I know, I know: the cuddle monster of BTS is surely a “physical touch” person, right?? And if not that, then certainly the highly self-critical, sensitive, classically trained performer would surely crave “words of affirmation” the most, right?? ..........I won’t actually argue much against either of those, because I think Jimin, more than the rest of them, could probably easily fall into multiple categories. Does he love cuddling/hugging/physical closeness? Absolutely. Does he adore receiving praise or affirmation? Definitely. But here’s what I think about Jimin: he is one of the most empathetic people in the group. He’s caring, he’s observant---he’s completely willing to do whatever it takes to make the people around him KNOW they are loved. He’s intuitive and highly aware of the needs of others and acts on that intuition in a pretty selfless way. Because of this, I think it means a LOT to him when someone takes the time to buy or acquire something that he either needs or wants. It’s a sign that someone else has been listening or watching him as closely as he listens to and watches others. I think he is the sort of person who appreciates gifts (especially random ones) because it shows that the other person saw something that reminded them of him, totally at random or totally unprompted. (but yes, also physical touch and words of affirmation)

Taehyung: Words of Affirmation      -Honestly, he is the only one I feel most certain about. Taehyung needs to be told that he is doing well; more than that, he needs to be listened to. Some could argue that being listened to is more “quality time” (and I wouldn’t necessarily disagree) but I feel like hearing the right words and being able to comfortably say the right words to someone who is paying close attention are extremely similar. Taehyung seems to live off the praise of those who mean the most to him. Whenever he learns a new skill (painting, composing, ‘playing’ the violin) he wants to show the world: he wants to be told he has done well. He also very much dislikes being ignored or forgotten or spoken over---all very normal things to be irritated about, but they really seem to dig at him. I could get into a whole discourse about why I think this is (his position in the group, his history within the group, his particular personality etc etc), but for now I’ll just leave it with this: Taehyung is the sort of person who loves to cuddle, loves to receive thoughtful gifts, and enjoys spending time with those he loves---but what he needs most is to hear good things about himself and his accomplishments, to be reassured, to be recognized, and to be heard.

Jungkook: Quality Time      -Here’s my thinking: as the baby of the group, as the precious maknae that was raised by these 6 other men, Jungkook received (and still receives and will continue to receive) all the physical touch (cuddling, hugs, hand-holding, playing with his hair, etc etc) and words of affirmation ( “golden maknae”, he’s the coolest, everything he does is great, so handsome, talented, etc etc) a person could ever possibly want. He’s literally never lacked those things; he has ALWAYS had at least 6 other people to snuggle him and praise him (nevermind the millions of ARMY that would kill to do the same 😂). At the opposite end of the same stick, since he is the youngest I don’t think receiving gifts is anything new or special to him; plus he seems very much the sort of person who RELISHES his ability to provide for himself (see: his fancy car, apartment, etc). He’s also been raised in an environment where things are done for him as a matter of course, so acts of service doesn’t seem to fit either. Therefore, I think one thing that means the most to him is quality time. Actually, quite similar to his hyung-nim and best buddy Jin, I think he also genuinely craves any opportunity to spend quiet, private, meaningful time with those he cares about (although for an opposite reason: Jin aches for a life he used to have, Jungkook yearns for a life he never had a chance to experience). This is also why I think he’s always very vocal about how much he loves and misses ARMY: the time spent at concerts/performances is quality time to him, an opportunity to spend time with some of the people he loves the most.

[simbinch]

celeb natal chart: matthew gray gubler

see this post for breakdowns on what the different planets mean. see this post for breakdowns on what the houses mean.

born on the ninth of march, nineteen eighty in las vegas, nevada

sun in pisces in the 9th house: everybody knows pisces as the emotional sign, and that is definitely true. pisces are known for being compassionate, empathetic, and big into fantasizing and dreamland. the negative traits of someone with this sun sign is that they might get caught in their dreamland and have trouble coming back to reality. they also might get mopey and turn all eeyore if they get overwhelmed with their feelings. sun placement in the 9th house are major learners and their big goal in life is to keep trying and doing new things.

moon in sagittarius in the 6th house: those with a sagittarius moon are naturally independent and free-thinking. they are the main character. they want to add more people to the cast and don’t hesitate to remove people they don’t find to be a good fit for their storyline. they love learning and adventures, always down to do something new or take on a new challenge. they take things day by day rather than think of one big goal they need to reach ASAP.

cancer ascendant/rising in cancer* in the 1st house: these people are known as being soft, sweet, and sentimental. not considered a man’s man by any means. highly emotional, cancer rising is happy in the moment, and not typically driven or determined to get things done. they are very sensitive and don’t share this with the world around them. they retreat back into their shell when they see conflict ahead. they’re incredibly faithful to a person they open themselves up to. they are loyal to the nth degree, even when their partner might be in the wrong. they have great relationships with their mothers as they relate to a nurturing figure. they are born followers and often play the role of the nurturer in the family. they want to find a partner that can provide for them, both literally and figuratively. they have great memories and like to make people feel special. they use their hands when speaking and emoting, to show that they are genuinely listening and care. 

the other option (based on just degrees of difference) was gemini rising. geminis are known to be really curious, want to learn new things, understand people on a deep level, and inspire those around them to be the best they can be. gemini rising in men is often associated with height and long fingers (seriously). highly attractive and a creative thinker. gemini in the 1st house means that they need to be mentally stimulated, otherwise they quickly get bored. gemini rising in men is often seen as a “player” because they are so charming and exciting, but often fall in and out of love quickly. they are hard to tie down unless they are absolutely sure there is nothing better out there for them, and that their life with a partner would be exciting enough to sustain them. doesn’t like to make promises unless they are absolutely sure they can keep them.

either of these rising signs could be made to fit mgg based on his interviews and general persona, especially the physical features associated with gemini. i didn’t know if i would consider him to be a born follower or having a lack of drive. what ultimately did it for me was the relationship with their families and the fact that gemini rising men tend towards centering themselves, whereas the cancer rising men center those around them. also gemini rising men are known as big cheaters and i didn’t want to hypothesize that for mgg lmao.

venus in taurus* in the 11th house: venus in taurus is known for valuing comfort and stability above all. very much commitment based people, highly traditional, looking for someone who can take care of them in an old-timey Leave It to Beaver style way. venus in taurus men don’t have to try hard to get women, they typically just flock to them. as a result, they have to be careful about who they choose to bring into their innermost circle, a common trait among those with venus in the 11th house. they are highly affectionate and patient, so they will look for someone they are really sure of before committing themselves to them. they clam up if someone insists they commit before they are ready. they enjoy being at home, in their own space, and having someone make meals for them. very drawn to a woman with curves, long hair, the works. classic feminine looks and style.

the other option was venus in aries, which would look for a more down to earth, tomboyish style woman. direct, confident, and straight up-no chaser kind of ladies. independent women who keep things interesting so they never get bored. venus in aries men are the type to love fast and hard, they will be the first to confess feelings and likely the first to break up. they look for women who will challenge them. they like the chase and get bored easily. when a relationship ends, those with venus in a fire sign are likely to blame everything on the other person.

i considered both options but felt that ultimately venus in taurus made the most sense. he has mentioned he likes strong women, and it makes sense that he would model a feminine ideal on his mother the boss lady. however, from what we have seen with his public relationships, they tend to last a while and he still has positive relationships with them via Instagram (so probably not putting all the blame for a relationship failure on them).

mercury in pisces in the 9th house: mercury in pisces makes for a good listener and pleasant conversationalist. active listening all day long. the friend you go to when you need a shoulder to cry on. they are also big talkers, but aren’t the type to necessarily dominate a conversation. mercury in the 9th house indicates an eternal optimist and a desire to always keep learning (lol). they are easily overwhelmed by serious topics, and tend to stray away from them for this reason.

mars in virgo* in the 3rd house: mars in virgo are organized and plan things out ahead of time to make sure they achieve their goals. mars in the third house indicates someone who is a quick conversationalist and comfortable standing their ground in a disagreement. they plot out goals and achieve them, and don’t like things standing in their way. when they come across a conflict they tend towards being calm. like most virgo placements, they are perfectionists and like to win, but want to do so in a dignified manner.

the other possibility here was mars in leo (which was just a few degrees away). mars in leo are big thinkers, highly creative, and great at debating. they are proud people and like to get things done and share them with others. these people tend towards bragging because they want a reward for the work that they’ve done. they are charismatic so they get away with it, but are known as the type that needs to get an award for everything they do.

i went with mars in virgo, because even though he is highly creative there is nothing to indicate that mgg likes to talk about himself and his accomplishments. on the contrary it looks like he tries to downplay them.

jupiter in virgo in the 3rd house: jupiter in virgo finds helping others to be the most rewarding thing in life. they are kind and loyal, and with jupiter in the third house they are always looking to learn something new. highly optimistic, often take on more than they should, but try to juggle it all anyway.

saturn in virgo in the 4th house: saturn in virgo occurs every 25-30 years or so, with the first recurrence being between 2007 and 2010. everyone is expected to have 3 saturn returns in their lifetime, and these are known as periods of self-realization. the next saturn return for virgo is between 2036 and 2039. those with saturn in the 4th house get things done and like to help others. they might have had insecure childhoods (who didn’t in the 80′s) and are looking to build an idealistic family life for themselves to replace what they never had. despite this, they struggle with commitment and being bogged down, so it’s a constant battle. 

uranus in scorpio in the 6th house: uranus in scorpio is for everyone born between 1974 and 1981. these are the babies of generation X, but too old to be millennials. they feel intensely, and often switch from one mood to another. highly adaptable, as they kind of needed to be when you account for the period they became adults (9/11, the recession, etc). placement in the sixth house means that you want to make a difference in the world, but are often scattered in how you get there. it isn’t that you hate work, just that you don’t thrive with structure and get distracted along the way. 

neptune in sagittarius in the 6th house: neptune is in sagittarius for those born between 1970 and 1984. these are idealistic, progressive people who want to see the best in others. neptune in the sixth house means that these people tend to put others at ease and might even have a deeper spiritual connection with the world.

pluto in libra in the 4th house: pluto in libra is a generational placement between 1971 and 1984. these people feel intensely and have difficulty in interpersonal relationships as a result. pluto in the fourth house indicates they avoid conflict if possible, and tend towards being more introverted when they struggle. they aren’t flashy with their pain preferring it to be in private. 

*note: this is a noon chart, meaning i am doing it without an exact birth time. this means that some of the placements could be slightly off when they are at the edge between signs. in those cases i’ve marked them as such and made an educated guess based on interviews. this is typically the process when someone doesn’t know their own birth time for whatever reason. i’ve also included a breakdown of what the alternative placement would suggest.

[smuttymess]

bts astro soulmate reading | for elliot

This reading is for Elliot, a very sweet Yoonjin bias who sometimes (often) finds himself thinking about Kim Taehyung. Can you blame him? Thank you so much for your patience, love. I hope you enjoy and are staying safe a well. <3

A Cancer Sun and Libra Moon makes for a very mysterious, contradictory personality, with Cancer existing on a highly emotional and reserved plane while Libra yearns to roam, explore and adapt to their surroundings. You are all at once highly sociable, deeply enjoying the company of others, and private - often swimming away on your own to escape the harsh realities of the world - enjoying  a cozy night in with a good book or podcast almost as much as a delicious dinner out with a large group of friends and acquaintances. Those who don't know you well may accuse you of being a bit unsteady, seeing all the ways in which you adapt to your surrounding and feed off of others energies. Your close friends and family know that you are just water and air, constantly seeking balance and harmony in your relationships above all else. All three of your placements are geared towards security and balance, and at your core you crave stability and a strong foundation in your home that is calming, peaceful and without too much tension or unpleasantness. It is because of this that you are drawn to creative artistic pursuits, though you likely hold a more traditional full time job to ensure you are financially secure and comfortable. Those possessing your star placements are innately empathetic, nurturing of others and self-critical of self. While your Virgo rising lends itself to additional self-criticism, towards others you are incredibly soft, sentimental, and supportive - if only you showed more gentleness towards yourself! It is likely that you are loved by many, serving as a strong emotional refuge for family and friends alike, who admire your compassionate, trustworthy and purposeful nature.

A true lover of life's simple wonders, you are likely to gravitate towards the arts, spending your free time exploring museums, galleries, concerts, and any other large gathering around creative ideals. On one particular early fall afternoon while exploring an outdoor exhibit in the city with friends, your eyes gravitate towards a man playing a piano in the square. His presence is magnetic to you, your eyes immediately  drawn to his slouched posture as his fingers stroke each key, his face covered by short, black hair and a black cap. The shadow of the mysterious figure piques your curiosity, enough for you to approach him to have a closer listen, the melody floating through the crisp air of the changing seasons. It is almost as if in that moment nobody else is in the square - just you, the music and the mysterious gentleman - until his fingers stop moving, as if breaking from a trance. Fully immersed in his own world, he doesn't notice you standing there until several minutes later, his dark eyes moving to meet yours in a moment of instant attraction, one that only two water signs could possess.

Imagine your surprise when you find out that the presumably down-and-out aspiring artist is actually the esteemed Min Yoongi, a fact that he conceals until you're on your second or third date.

Ever the optimist and hopeless romantic, your Cancer Sun lives to love and be loved, both platonically and romantically - longing for a partnership that is all encompassing. This is amplified by your Venus in Leo, which makes you a lover of big love (think grand displays of affection, gift giving, and passionate quality time.) You want to spoil a partner, seeing no reason to skimp or cut corners for the people you love and expecting the same adoration in return. This is especially true once you fall hard, as it often takes some time for people to get past the barriers of your outwardly serious Virgo rising and your impenetrable deeper Cancer shell. At first you will keep your feelings close, waiting for the other party to reveal themselves to be genuinely trustworthy and open before letting them into your inner world. Once in love, you want to pull out all the stops, becoming the most nurturing, adoring lover - almost as if making up for lost time of keeping your emotions reigned in for so long. Yoongi's Pisces is also cautious in love, but it does not take long for him to show the range of his emotions, his romantic energy and empathy all at once making you feel secure and understood in ways that you do not often experience with other signs - signaling that it is okay to open up and be vulnerable. You are drawn to Yoongi's artistry that flows out of him, the sparseness of his words that hold meaning in every syllable, and he adores your compassionate nature - thinking of you as a true friend and companion, though the connection is very much a romantic one. A Cancer and Pisces are likely to spend countless hours tangled up in their sheets, hands softly caressing every inch of each other before even becoming overtly sexual. This is a duo that is incredibly intimate, enjoying savoring each and every delicious moment in each other's company and romantic spirits. You could undoubtedly spend the rest of your life laying next to Yoongi as his fingers graze your hair, cheek and neck, sweet nothings pouring into your ear. You naturally connect on an innately intimate level, the tone of his voice enough to rile you up long before his long, skilled fingers even begin to move down past your neck, chest and belly button. In bed, Yoongi brings a gentleness alongside just the right amount of kink to set you on fire.

Your desire for romance cannot be outweighed, however, by stability and comfort. A Cancer, while a hopeless romantic, is not excited by the idea of a tumultuous, unpredictable love wherein.spontaneity reigns. While you are ruled by water as a Cancer, your Libra heart and Virgo moon crave balance and relative predictability - something that our Pisces Yoongi wants but often escapes him in his quest for greatness. Yoongi's Venus is in Aries, making his love is a bit more impulsive and spontaneous, Ultimately, after many nights in bed alone with your partner huddled in his studio, you realize that Yoongi's more free-flowing Pisces spirit proves to be a bit too fluid for your Cancer heart. The dissolution of this relationship is extremely challenging given your shared emotional depths, and there is surely a continuation of the relationship via long, late night phone calls and sentimental texts until one of you breaks it off to preserve your sanity and wellbeing. This is a pairing that makes a lifelong, profound impact on each other, likely prompting Yoongi to write some of his best work to date.

A Cancer Sun and Libra Moon is not likely to be single for too long, very much preferring the company of a romantic partner to single life. Luckily for you, people are inherently drawn to your warmth, which lies beneath the surface of your Virgo rising but is quickly detectable by some. You're happy to find yourself approached by a handsome stranger while browsing through an indie record shop downtown, his fingers floating across the top of the album you've taken interest in. That's a great album, are you a fan? You aren't sure how long you are in the shop chatting up the boy, who introduces himself as Kim Namjoon, before you're off to grab a coffee at a nearby cafe.

It takes many months of seeing Namjoon the Virgo - who would prefer to be alone with a good book than in the presence of bad company - to reveal a more emotional side of himself. Despite approaching you first, Namjoon is not exactly suave, his endearingly goofy mannerisms a result of his high level of independence and time spent in solitude away from prying eyes. This relationship begins as more of a friendship with two generally cautious people tiptoeing around their emotions, wondering who is going to take the risk of revealing their true self first. But after some time it becomes clear that his more business-like, stoic Virgo exterior does not stand much of a chance against the depths of your Cancer emotion and Libra charm. When partnered, you are your person's biggest cheerleader, and it is your emotional range and empathic powers that can successfully soften the coldest heart as you only see the good in others - never the bad. Early on, much of the relationship is spent with you intently listening to his ramblings or championing his many professional creative endeavors - his words like poetry to you as he workshops new lyrics, projects, or his dreams of the future that he will so clearly put into action as a result of his . The Virgo is happy to open his mind to you over countless walks along the river or through lush parks outside of the city, a bond forming from your desire to be needed and wanted if even as a supportive listener. He senses your genuine interest in his thoughts - not for his status as a celebrity but who he is as a person. Your empathic qualities, while natural to you, are also a form of protection against getting hurt: speak less frequently, and you won't need to reveal many of your insecurities around your own potential. More than anything, Namjoon wants you to open up and let him in to your world. your innate strengths and talents, bringing you away from all of your negative self-talk and doubt around your abilities - something he can relate to deeply as a Virgo Sun. Maybe it is the warmth of his brown eyes as he tells you how special you are, or the way the sun rays perfectly hit his brown hair, but you can't help but believe him.

Once you are able to move into understanding on a deeper level, you find that Namjoon is one of the most sentimental, loyal people you've ever known. Namjoon's Venus is in Scorpio, meaning that despite any hurt he has experienced in the past, he is a true romantic at his core, looking for his one true love and willing to devote it all to that special person. The Scorpio is notably possessive in love, which serves to both frustrate and excite you in just the right ways. While your Libra moon may be naturally flirtatious, Namjoon is the one that holds your heart, and you enjoy being consumed by his love through song and writing - with his Mercury in Libra, you are likely to be his muse in all things creative. This is a pairing that can spend endless hours nestled in bed reading a book, bouncing ideas off of each other, and exploring each other's hearts before diving into the physical. You, Cancer, are the sexual initiator, wanting to know him body and soul - exposing him to an entirely new emotional plane of sexual connection. For the Virgo man, sex is often just another thing to be skilled at, and you are able to expose the innately vulnerable, emotional, and outwardly animalistic nature of his sexuality. The sexual relationship between these two is almost transcendent, with you taking the reins as the boss to show him the ropes, allowing him to unlock a different side to himself and learn how to please you. As someone who gets off to the idea of learning and achieving, expect marathon sessions in each other's arms (and mouths).

Ultimately, Namjoon is the member best able to bring you the stability you crave alongside an unwavering emotional commitment, with an earthly ability to firmly ground you when you are lost at sea. He will allow you to swim into your solitude - as you need from time to time - but you can rest easily that he will always be there when you are ready to return to reality. More than anything Namjoon is a provider, his mind working over time to help you solve your problems and achieve your dreams with his quintessential Virgo intelligence and flare, likely pushing you to pursue your creative ideas full-time instead of shying away from your potential and making sure you have everything to feel secure. You are someone who becomes a better person when in love, flourishing under others affection, and with Namjoon you have a special opportunity to truly come into yourself and achieve more than you ever imagined. Meanwhile, you provide a level of nurturing that he so deeply desires and a softness that he so desperately needs and few others can provide. In this partnership, you are the caretaker of the physical and emotional realm, while he is a provider in a more literal sense: making sure you have everything you need financially to create a sanctuary home base curated for the two of you to create and restore yourselves when the day is done. This is a duo that is steadfast and secure, prioritizing home and family and partnership over frivolity and spontaneity, appreciating travel and gallery openings abroad but also knowing how to take comfort at home with nights in and a vinyl on a record player. It is in this secure, stable lifestyle that you are both stimulating and fulfilled. Overall, this astrological pairing is comprised of two very synchronized and amenable plane, existing on a very calm, comforting foundation that is impossible to shake.

[shibalen]

Hi! Can I get a Haikyuu and Demon Slyer matchup? I’m a bi light skinned hispanic girl, Infj sun Pisces and moon Aries, I really love Literature and Art but I hate gym and french. I love going all out on subjects that genuinely interest me but can get worn out very quickly if I don’t like something. I’m working hard to become and artist and when I’m older I want to create a graphic novel. I’d like dates on rooftops or at home pigging out on snacks and watching movies. Thank you! Have a good day!

♡︎ matchup for @mexicansangrita

hello! it's been a long wait but thank you for being so patient with me and also for liking my stuff! i appreciate your support, dear (人*´∀｀)｡*ﾟ+

|| kimetsu no yaiba: i match you with . . .

zenitsu agatsuma

• according to your mbti and zodiac sign, you're empathetic, inspiring, intuitive and somewhat of an old soul. your aries moon, in addition, gives you traits such as independence and ambition!

• Zenitsu's quite emotional and he needs someone to try understanding him instead of telling him to just 'deal with it' but still have a good enough head on their shoulder to scold him when he's being unreasonable.

• i feel like you two would be able to build off each other. you helping him have more confidence in himself and him being there as your emotional support, for example.

• he may be a wannabe flirt but when it comes down to it his loyalty for his loved ones runs deep. after meeting you, his womanizing antics gradually fade out of existance.

• you had just been minding your own business on the street, admiring some top-grade brushes from a shop window when this guy with a sword came up to you ??

• his first words to you? you've guessed it: 'marry me'. it's funny though because he didn't hysterically cling onto your leg but instead looked you straight in the eye and said it.

• of course, he went by your looks but also by the bright gleam in your eye as you were looking at those art supplies. you were so beautiful that Zenitsu was convinced you were an angel and it was love at first sight.

• then he cried when you turned him down. it wasn't the best first impression, and Tanjirō had to make him apologise to you.

• but he was set on getting to know you and tried a hundred different methods to get you to notice him. all those conversation topics, flowers and showing off may have come off as obnoxious but you knew from the beginning he had good intentions.

• he has some trouble understanding your personal space in the beginning because you're just too precious and he wants to hold you all the time, but comes around quickly when you say you need some alone time.

• always thinking of ways to make you happy. i'm not joking, you're on his mind 24/7. just wants to make you feel as loved as you're making him feel.

• you're going to get so many flowers because honestly each time he sees one he's reminded of you and immediately wants you to know he's thinking of you (❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)/♡

• when he's crying it never fails to cheer him up when you take his hand in yours or pet his hair. he'll melt under your touch.

• Zenitsu goes all out on your dates !! he's a romantic and will do anything to make sure your date is perfect.

• he'll gather blankets, snacks and pillows and bundle them up into a comfortable little nest on a rooftop.

• then you'll lay down next to each other and bask in the sun during the day or gaze at the stars at night. just long conversations and the two of you ♡︎

• he loves listening to you go all out on your favourite subjects. he'll have that silly, lovestruck smile on his face, chin rested in his hands as you talk.

• his great hearing makes it all the better because he can literally hear the passion in your voice. it sends his heart fluttering every time.

• so supportive and encouraging of your dreams, tries his hardest to help you any way he can. you gotta teach him a bit about literature and art first though so he'll know what you're telling him about.

• will be so smug about the stuff you taught him cause he feels so smart now. Tanjirō and Inosuke are getting a bit tired of his constant bragging.

• he understands your hate for training. plus, his two friends get so hyped up everytime it's hard to keep up with them. still, while Zenitsu insists on skipping, you make him go.

• gets 100% more motivated when he remembers he can protect you better if he's stronger. 110% if you promise cuddles and kisses later.

• you're like each others' support when you're pushing through tough assignments. like you cheer him on during training he encourages you through your artblocks.

• when there's time you go out together to buy new snacks in shops, especially after a draining mission. then you bring them back home and pig out.

• Inosuke, crashing through the door while you and Zen are feeding each other biscuits: i HeArD 'PiG oUt' WhAT'rE yA dOiN' wItHoUt Me?!

• all in all a very wholesome relationship ♡︎ Zenitsu knows one day he's going to ask you to marry him for real.

runner up: Kanae Kochō

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

|| haikyuu: i match you with . . .

yachi hitoka

• is this what you'd call soulmates? you and Yachi would definitely have a very depthful connection from the very beginning of your relationship. you'd understand each other on a deeper, almost spiritual level.

• you're both creative, always ready to help and have quite a vivid imagination. you help the other keep their feet on the ground while leaving them room to improve.

• the artistic couple! your common interest is a great icebreaker as well as something that brings you together. the starting point where you start building off from, if i can put it that way.

• it was the beginning of a new semester and you had Japanese literature together. you sat next to her by chance but you'd better believe she freaked out.

• "w-why is such a pretty girl sitting next to me??? does she need to borrow pencil?? what should i do if she mistook me for one of her friends?? AAAAHHH" Yachi exe. has stopped working.

• meanwhile you were just chilling until her stuttering started to worry you. so, you turned and asked if she was okay. girl dropped her whole pencilcase while looking for a pen to lend you.

• you calmed her down though so your first encounter ended well. you bonded over your mutual love for art and literature and formed a friendship quite fast.

• she accidentally confessed her crush on you when she was talking about you with Kiyoko in the gym. funny how you happened to overhear this from around the corner.

• startled, Yachi screamed and everybody came to see what happened. they automatically assumed you two were dating after hearing the story, and neither of you wanted to correct them in the long run, so . . . here we are :)

• always carries around delicious snacks for you in case you haven't eaten properly or are feeling drained from overworking.

• it's so easy to talk to Yachi about anything you have passion for. not only does she learn more about your interests but it also makes her feel special that you think of her as someone you can easily confide in.

• she can also endlessly talk about the things she loves so she's happy you understand what it's like!

• she tries to make you like french more because it pains her when she sees you getting tired out because of it (,,•́ . •̀,,)

• same with gym. she invites you to come see the boys practice after school, hoping you'll find something fun about moving that'll motivate you

• of course, understands if you still dislike the subjects and will focus on making you feel better.

• very shy with physical display of affection at first, still a bit afraid someone will stab her if they see her being even slightly intimate with an actual goddess like you.

• i know you didn't include this in your preferences, but can I just say study dates at cafés? soft music playing in the background as you two sit next to a window, making pretty notes and sharing cake? yes.

• she gives you good luck charms for tests! though you studied for hours beforehand she wants to do everything she can so you're feeling as relaxed as possible. she doesn't want you to experience any stomach aches from anxiety like she has.

• Yachi has surprisingly good ideas for graphic novels. well, the graphic parts. she gets all blushy when you start discussing plot because then she automatically connects all the romantic storylines with you.

• "so in this rainy scene i was thinking they could have a more intimate moment, maybe even kiss. what do you think?"

• Yachi, who has kissed you before, internally: k i s s i n g y / n kissing y/n KISSING Y/N I N T H E R A I N ᗒ////ᗕ

• sometimes these conversations can drag out as she tends to accidentally get stuck in her little fantasy world, oops—

• hand holding though is common while you're doing every-day activities like reading or walking. but also during dates like movies or rooftop lunches. her hands are very small and warm and the way they fit in yours is perfect ♡︎

• an extremely cute, loyal relationship, one where you can laugh over the smallest, silliest things but also share the most meaningful debates. you bring out the best in her, and Yachi won't fail to make it up to you !

runner up: Kōshi Sugawara

found such soft gifs for this matchup, i'm so happy~ i hope you enjoyed this, and thank you for requesting. stay safe and remember to be kind to yourself ♡︎

[youngbloodbuzz]

Tell me about your characters! Answer 10 of your favorite of those questions!

sagklsdjfsndf bro thank you! i love talking about my kids

23.  If your character could go back in time and change one thing about their life, what would it be?

venia: she would have run away from her normal life as the royal princess earlier after spending her entire life living in fear as a born fire sorcerer in a kingdom where using magic is punishable by death. instead now she’s on the run from being found out and having to fight her way out the palace. 

andromeda: she would run deeper into the underdark instead of risking the life of the man who died saving her and breaking the heart of his wife, who andy highly admires and respects

theodora: i don’t think she would. she isn’t a believer in fate or destiny but she knows that everything she’s done, she’d do all over again. though i think maybe she’d try to talk to her brother more about what they had been through to get where they are now, as migrants and refugees. 

33. What person does your character admire most?

venia: she had once admired her father as a child, but then she’d witnessed his reign of terror as she got older. then it was her mother, who she emulated to survive the court and life in general, but then her mother turned out to have known about ven’s magic the entire time and never said anything. and then her eldest cousin, the only person she ever willingly told about her magic as a young kid and encouraged it, comes rushing to save her at a moments notice and they escape the kingdom together, and... at this point ven’s trying not to keep her hopes up anymore. 

andromeda: without a doubt hands down it’s professor essaris, a wizard and headmaster/teacher of her own school and the wife of the man, maximus, who died helping to save andy in the underdark. andy wants more than anything to live up to the expectations of max dying for her to octavia but octavia has her own complex issues with andy since she’s the reason her husband is dead even as she’s been trying to help her through her amnesia. it’s....a Lot. 

theodora: it was once her older brother, jaxon. the one person who stood side by side with her in agreement of how to save the group and helped her do the dirty work. but it’s been months and months later now and one day she wakes to find him gone, leaving her a single letter telling her he can’t face what he’s done anymore and he’s off to find his own fortune somewhere far away. she burns the letter. 

36.  What would be your character’s theme song/favorite band/favorite genre of music?

venia: oh i have playlsits for all of them. she has a few but if i had to choose, ven’s theme song would be it’s a fire by portishead, but also instrumentally it’d be the winds of winter by ramin djawadi. maybe i was inspired by dany. what of it. 

andromeda: televangelist and conversation piece by julien baker; i cannot choose one, my poor girl is so depressed lmao. and dead before the dawn by ramin djawadi which genuinely helped me form the idea of how she saw the sunrise for the first time as an amnesiac when climbing out of the underdark after being trapped there for two years. 

theodora: angel by massive attack and caleb’s seduction by mark koven. her life is lowkey a horror movie. 

41. Does your character care about how they’re perceived by others? How do they change themselves to fit in with other people?

venia: as a born royal first in line to the throne, she sure does. it’s almost an inherent trait from her mother, where she learned to control her emotions, her expressions, how to speak in court. it’s second nature at this point. 

andromeda: being a six foot tall tiefling with grey-purplish skin, she makes an immediate impression but that’s not what worries her. she tries to come off as worldly and normal and not like a person who has amnesia and intelligence of 8 but it’s kind of hard when she assumes/lies in front of other people about knowing something when it’s actually wrong or not true. 

theodora: for the most part, she couldn’t a shit tbh. mostly she wears a mask of whatever she knows will appease others to get her way. 

51. Is your character the most swayed by ethos, pathos, or logos?

venia: i think at first it’d be ethos because of the way she was raised to respect arguments of such, but over time away from that kind of environment, it’d be in-between pathos and logos but mostly pathos. 

andromeda: pathos undoubtedly. she wears her heart on her sleeve, she’s ruled by it. probably to the detriment of her own health and safety. 

theodora: logos. it’s literally how she rationalized her way into saving herself and the group she was traveling with during a disastrous migration across uncharted territory in the winter (think donner party levels of disaster...)

54. How does your character feel about keeping secrets from the rest of the party?

venia: all day every day she keeps secrets. her entire life and existence is a secret. venia isn’t her real name. zen is in fact her cousin, not her brother. she’s terrified and paranoid, but on the surface she’s reserved sweet charm and smiles.  

andromeda: for someone who’s generally an open book, andy keeps many things to herself, but it’s all always to protect herself and her heart from the shame of the truth. her amnesia and low intelligence and her experiences at the essaris grammar school did a number on her self-esteem and self-worth.

theodora: she has no issues with it at all. she’ll do it for the sake of herself and the group if she believes if it’s for the right reasons. 

59. Does your character value their own best interest more than the party’s?

venia: at a certain point, yes. she grew up a privileged princess, and even though she has a good empathetic and diplomatic heart, she still has a lot to learn. and she’s just been thrust in a world that doesn’t care about her with zero warning or preparation so she’s going in cold turkey.

andromeda: oh andy....my dear sweet depressed andy. if it came down to staying safe or risking her life for someone, or even worse, a child, she would gladly lay down her life. no hesitations, no questions asked.

theodora: she’s alive for a reason and it’s because she made the hard choice, the only logical choice. she likes to think she did it to save the group, and her small family in particular who were a part of this venture, but really, she’d do anything for her own best interest. including cannibalism. no she doesn’t regret it.

73. If your character knew that they were going to die in a month, how would they spend the rest of their life?

venia: well. if she’s going to die, she’s going to die fighting in a blaze of righteous fury. she’ll find the fastest way home and find some way, any way, to convince her father to stop his tyranny. even if that means starting a revolution and dying a martyr. 

andromeda: god. it would be such a quiet resignation and acceptance. like she knows she’s cheated death. knows it in her very bones, knows she should have died and not maximus. she would go back to those that took care of her in her first few months back into the world and say her goodbyes, but in a way where an unsuspecting person wouldn’t realize it was happening. she’d spend as much time as possible with them, and exploring the city, spending time in the temple of pelor where she felt most at peace. she’d think about trying one last time to find her real family but would consider it a lost cause. and then on the second last day, she would pack her bag with her journal and her favourite books of history and poetry, and quietly walk into the wilderness never to be seen again.

theodora: like hell she’s dying. she’s an undying warlock, she’d sell her soul double time to her patron to prevent it from happening. if that won’t work, she’d look for some other entity. it’s not happening. she will literally do anything to prevent it. 

81. What does your character’s name represent to them? (Or: why as a player did you choose your character’s name?)

venia: ven’s name i specifically chose for an incredibly niche plot reason. venia means “forgiveness. consent, permission, approval,” and the etymology derives from the name venus, which as a goddess represents “prosperity,” and as a planet is also called the morning star and is one of the brightest objects in the sky. venus also represents lucifer, the light-bringer, a being who fell far from heaven. there is also a long held belief, a prophecy, in venia’s home kingdom for centuries that “the morning star will rise to bring the kingdom to ashes and bring forth a new world aflame.” a prophecy that’s driven the line of king’s mad with paranoia. and guess who was born as a phoenix sorcerer. 

andromeda: honestly? i just really liked the name lmao she’s a haunted one who was born under a dark star, i figured a good astrology name would be fitting. 

theodora: i also thought this was just a really good name but i mean, her full name is theodora cane which means gift of god and warlike respectively and when you put it together....i mean..... not too bad.  

85. What would be your character’s major in college?

venia: political science and law. 

andromeda: english and library sciences.

theodora: theo’s my newest so it’s tough to nail her down but i think she’d try for a medical degree but then drop out to become a private investigator 

[psychomoxxie]

Don’t Say You Love Me (Falling For A Psycho Girl)

So if you read the last post, you know i’m just dragging myself by the teeth and unkempt nails out of the dumpster fire that is my so-called “heart”;

I.e., yet another relationship bit the dust. The first one in 4 years. It was new, but i fell hard, because he was different and not an abusive fuck, was super-sweet, and had the brain-cooties too (not like mine, but still), so i could relate to him on a deeper level than most. But turns out, he’s already into someone else, if his FaceBook memes are any indication (which they almost certainly are), which makes me feel incredibly stupid and naive that i didn’t see it coming. He was probably talking to this girl romantically before things ended with us. Which puts things in a whole new light.

 That light being — i am, and i reiterate, incredibly stupid and naive.

 Which brings me to the next bit.

The very next day after things imploded in my face with this guy, a friend – a male friend – talked to me for three hours on the phone to cheer me up, make me feel better about my stupid little heart; and after we hung up, he messages me to confess to me that he’s in love with me.

 Here’s the thing. It’s not that I don’t “love” this guy friend. In as much as I can feel love for him or anybody else. That sort of thing is reserved for a very small pool of people, and I’m not very good at it. Ask anyone who knows me, and they’ll tell you. I will disappear off the face of the earth for weeks at a time, and expect you to be ok with that. I have a hard time being emotionally available for most people.

 My capacity for being In Love with a capital “L” is severely limited, and probably not defined in the way most people think of the word. I’ve experienced real, actual, true Being In Love probably twice in my life. Where it hit me hard, and i was both viscerally and emotionally affected by it, and wanted to put that person’s needs before my own and all that sort of thing, where i felt that gut-wrenching emotion when it ended for whatever reason. Where i felt emotions that had to do with THEM, and not just ME. Not just the selfishness of “romantic love”, which mostly has to do with how that person makes you feel, and less to do with the actual person. But when I did feel it, I felt it all the way. And crawling out of it is certainly no easy feat. In fact, I still love my first True Love — but he died many years ago, so there’s not much I can do about that.

 I’ve certainly developed feelings, even felt love for a couple people I’ve dated — which evolved into true friendships, which I consider to be a type of love that’s different from being In Love, though still very worthy and much more likely to occur in a person’s life multiple times. Those instances of love are the people that i still speak to, despite whatever pain it cost to get us here, because we still actually had a real connection after the romantic bit ended. (The guy in the photo being one of those).

 Of course, the question is, was it genuine Love ™ i felt for the Guy I Fell For if it wasn’t actually reciprocated? If he’s already moved on to someone else, then clearly it was one-sided on my part since i still have feelings, and he clearly does not.

I don’t know. The thing is, I can’t transfer my feelings from one person to the other so quickly. Or at all. Because for me, I rarely feel them to begin with.

 Oh, in the past i’ve felt serious infatuation. When i was younger and unmedicated, i was capable of obsessive infatuation. Of course that ended when that person’s flaws came to the light, or they disappointed me. I see this one’s flaws quite clearly and still have the feelings. I hate it, but there it is. Maybe that’s the problem. For him, it was just infatuation.

 Part of the problem of being a Psycho bitch — like, literally, I have ASPD (Anti-Social Personality Disorder, my secondary diagnosis, and it’s not severe, but it’s significant enough to be problematic. This is the first time I’ve talked about it, because the stigma surrounding it is so fucked up) — is that it’s not easy for me to connect with other people. Not in any genuine way. It’s considered to be, in my and many cases, the result of certain childhood experiences. It’s a fairly common reason for this fairly uncommon disorder. A protection that the brain constructs as a result of physical and psychological trauma. I recognize it, and i try to work on it. It’s not easy.

 Here’s where the Mental Illness Education Bit comes in, folks. Because yeah, we’re doing that now. ASPD is a relatively new diagnosis – or rather, TERM for a diagnosis (in general, and also for Yours Truly), and it’s often interchanged with Sociopathy, which is often interchanged with Psychopathy. It’s not a Mental Illness, per se, but a Personality Disorder. Which might be wrong, for me, since it’s co-morbid with Schizoaffective Disorder which has some symptoms in common, and they gave me my ASPD diagnosis several years ago for what they thought previously was Bipolar – which is fairly obviously not my problem. I don’t have mood swings, per se, but i do have impulsivity, and lack of empathy, and other things that jive with the ASPD diagnosis. Apparently, my being slightly Sociopathic makes more sense. Honestly, i sometimes think they just liked slapping the label on a woman because it’s so rare.

 On the other hand, it does kind of fit, if i’m going to be honest. I’m very good at the whole social mask thing. And i don’t feel things normally – haven’t ever, really.

 I’ve never murdered anyone (yet), but i will certainly admit to having a lack of conscience or empathy where many things are concerned. Or, perhaps just a lack of emotion in general. My psychiatrists say it’s due to severe PTSD and trauma. As is true for many people with the disorder, as i mentioned.

The misapprehension people have, however, is that people with the disorder NEVER connect, or are incapable of it. This isn’t true. When we do connect, it’s definitely genuine and deep. We just don’t do it with many people at all. Mainly this is because we’re basically self-centered and pretty selfish. And not very “nice”. We have to work at it. We aren’t “empaths” or any of that new age crap. We don’t connect with the outside world very easily, or well. We can be manipulative. And in some cases, fairly narcissistic. Definitely overly-logical when being emotionally sympathetic is clearly called for.

 But every once in a while, i really connect with somebody. And when that happens, it’s really not easy to let go. But when i finally decide it’s time that i do, it’s like that person never existed. It’s very black and white. Again, a protective thing my brain does, i suppose.

 And God knows what I did to fuck things up with The Guy I Fell For, because that’s just it — i will do things out of my inability to be empathetic sometimes. Or patient. People will tell me that I’m sweet and kind, but really I admire those qualities in others, and try very hard to emulate them. I think I have those qualities in me sometimes, but I have to work at them. The very few people I do love bring them out in me. But even so, I fuck it up. Often. I didn’t have anything to model it after growing up, you see. So my version of compassion and normal love and affection looks rather like Helen Keller’s version of trying to describe the color blue, I rather suspect, sometimes.

 But, i digress.

So, this friend – we’ll call him The Limey (because oddly enough, he’s also living way the fuck in another country) confesses his love for me, and i realize off the bat that my emotional response is all wrong. The wheels in my head are turning in all the wrong directions. It’s a welcome distraction, and an ego boost, and i latch onto it like a drowning woman for about a day. In some ways, he’s a perfect match for me. We’re good friends. He’s single, a talented musician, whipsmart, witty, kind of an asshole in all the right ways; he’s willing to come right out and tell me how he feels. He’s incredibly attractive, and sexy as Hell. He wants me to leave the damn country with him, for fuck’s sake. All the things i so desperately want. And, yes, i do like him, a lot.

 But do i Love ™ him? No. Which comes into stark relief when he pisses me off by being a jerk to one of my friends – someone i do love (not romantically, but definitely love) and my first reaction is FUCK this Limey. I don’t even give him the benefit of the doubt.

 My emotions are so shut down at this point that i can’t even conceive of giving the Limey a chance. Him, or anyone else for that matter. Because i’m done. I’m done connecting with people for a good while. I have the very few people in my little Universe of Discourse, and that’s all i need.

 Clearly, the point here is that i’m damaged, but i’ve always been. I don’t think it means i need “help”, and i certainly am not asking for sympathy. I’m perfectly aware that i am fucked up. In fact, on one level, i’m happy to know that i’m still capable of falling for someone, as misguided as it may have been, and as hurt as i am from the way it all ended. It shows me that i do, in fact, still have a soul. That i’m capable of actually feeling something real, as opposed to my usual screwing around with abusive men — which is not love, but some weird head game i put myself through out of some need to torture myself.

 Soooo, this post digressed wildly.

 The point IS, i was flattered and moved by this friend’s declaration of love for about 48 hours before he pulled some crap that made me want to beat him over the head with a tire iron, and then i responded in my usual unsympathetic and offhand fashion because that is my default.

I’m fairly convinced at this point that i should just avoid romance altogether. I’m obviously bad at it, i pick the absolute wrong person nearly every single time, and then wonder why i’m miserable. Then i spend the next 3-4 years perfectly happy all by myself, which is just long enough to forget how miserable relationships make me. Rinse, repeat.

 Plus there’s that whole thing where i have to explain that i’ve got the Brain Cooties…or Brain Worms (thanks, Jay, for that new term), which is never a fun conversation; like, “No, dear, i’m not going to knife you in your sleep, and no, i don’t hear voices telling me to roast your spleen with a nice Chianti. At least, not usually. NO, BABE. THAT WAS A JOKE…”

 I just…i can’t.

 If i end up like one of those old ladies with her cats living with her female roommate in the boondocks collecting furballs and molding them into puppets and selling them on Etsy, then so be it. Right now, it seems like the sane choice.

 *photo of me and The Samurai – dear friend and fellow artist

[imaginedanganronpa]

Can you please do some headcanons on how the V3 cast reacting to Kaede being mute? Like her childhood she received damage to her vocal cords.

Note: Whenever I use ‘disability’ I’m not trying to use it as a slur or anything like that, I simply mean it in a way that she is set back from everyone else because she’s mute, you know? Not trying to offend anyone. :)

The V3 Cast Reacting to a Mute!Kaede Akamatsu!

Kaedewas always insecure about being mute. Sometimes, she wishes she could talkbecause then her life would be much simpler.

Then she could do all the things she wanted to and she’d feel more normal. 

Unfortunately, she can’t. She received a sport’s injury when she was ayoung child which damaged her vocal cords beyond repair. That’s a big reasonwhy she gave up sports and started pursuing music, specially the piano,instead.

Like every time she moves into a new class, she is hesitant. Kaede can’t do thestandard “tell us about yourself” routine and she always fears being rejected.

But for the most part, her new class was quite understanding and accepting.

She became fast friends with the Detective named Saihara Shuichi – mainly becausethey both seemed like outcasts, different than the rest. He understood and related to her on a levelthat most people cannot.

He also took up learning Sign Language so that he could more easily understand what she wastrying to say. However, Kaede most often communicated through notes and facialgestures rather than using her hands.

Saihara sympathized with the poor girl and warmly welcomed her with big, openarms. They spoke through silent smiles and blushes, and he always seemed toknow what she was trying to say.

His friends also became close with her, though he didn’t have many. Kaede gotto know each of them well.

There was Kaito, who was a bit blunt at first. He didn’t fully understand whyshe wasn’t talking until Saihara explained it to him, and then he felt likeshit. 

Kaito sometimes forgets and tries having a verbal conversation with her, beforequickly correcting himself and apologizing. He isn’t as supportive as Saiharasince he can still be a little bit oblivious at times, but he really does try hisbest with her. He has good intentions but often comes across as the opposite. 

He’s never met a mute person but he keeps an open mind and takes her under his wing, involving her in things like working out and other things his and Saihara’s friend-group often do. Kaito made her feel at home.

Maki, like Saihara, related to Kaede and welcomed her but kept her at the samedistance as everyone else; Kaito was still the only person she softened uparound, and Kaede’s mute situation wasn’t going to change that.

The girls still got along, though! Maki also seemed to always know what she wastrying to say and she quickly became the person Kaede went to for girl-advice.Maki became the female that she was closest to and she never tried to pushKaede’s limits.

And finally, there was Rantaro, who seemed to have a bit of an attraction toKaede. Whether it be romantic or platonic, she wasn’t sure, but Rantaro wasdrawn to her from the very moment they first met. 

He was very open-minded and understanding of her situation, and he loved receiving hand-written notes from her. Rantaro becomes very protective of Kaede – those brotherlyinstincts kicked in and, due to her muteness and disability, he vowed to watch over her.

And that he did: he always checks up on her and passes her cute little notes inclass. He does his best to make her feel welcomed at Hope’s Peak. Rantaro caresfor Kaede, even more than Saihara on most days, and on a much deeper level. She considers him to be one of her very best friends.

Outside of that little group, everyone seemed to treat her differently, but not necessarily in a negative way – those wereher just main friends. Everyone else, for the most part, seemed to be kind towardsher.

There was Ouma Kokichi who teased her for a while. It came across as rude and impolite but in reality, he was trying to use humor to deflate the situationbecause… that’s just what he does.

Ouma still sometimes made off-comments towards Kaede. She never took it toopersonally, but sometimes he stepped over a boundary. 

Deep down, though, Oumawas compassionate and felt for her, only playfully teasing the girl because he wasn’tgoing to treat her differently based on her muteness. 

“Sooo, Kaede, are you gonna talk today or not?” Almost every day; it slowly became an inside joke.

Kiibo was someone who didn’t seem to fully understand her issue. I mean, he isa robot so he has a reason, but he couldn’t wrap his head around it. Humanscould be weakened and their lives altered forever from an injury? That was sucha weird concept to him.

But Kiibo tries to not let his ignorance get in the way. Like Kaito, hesometimes forgets.

Plus, since he can’t relate to her in the same way that humans can, he sometimes comes across as rude but that’s unintentional. Kiibo is just trying to understand her and does his best to support her. He actually wants to be really close friends, and the two surprisingly get along since they’re both misfits. 

And Gonta is the same way. It took Kaede a few tries to explain to him why sheis mute. Gonta kept asking her, “Why not just explain? With words?” It actuallymade Kaede smile because she knew that he was genuinely just concerned andconfused. 

After he finally got it, with the help of Kirumi explaining it to him, Gontafelt really bad for her and kept saying he wished he could help somehow, eveninsisting that he would take away her pain if he could… with different words ofcourse.

Gonta really became close with her. He always asks her how she is andif her voice is any better, in which she always says no but thanks and hugs himanyway, appreciating the concern. Gonta likes to think he’s helping in some way.

Then there were girls like Himiko and Angie.

Himiko tried coaxing Kaede into letting her test out restoration and healingmagic on her to get her voice back and repair her vocal cords, but the Pianistkindly refused. She didn’t really believe in the whole ‘magic’ thing.

The smaller girl never let up though, bugging Kaede and telling her that she’dbe the perfect test subject and that nothing could go too terribly wrong. 

“I’venever tried a healing spell before, never had someone to do it on. C’mon,Kaede!”

And Angie went a similar route, but instead her thing was that Atua could helpheal her. Again, Kaede declined and Angie was a bit hurt but still pursuedKaede in bringing her into her religion. 

Either way, both girls were very understanding about her condition and despitetheir efforts, never tried forcing her to do something she didn’t want to. Theywere respectful and remained acquaintances at most but only wanted to help her in the ways they knewbest.

Tenko was the same way but she was a bit more hesitant around Kaede. She likedher, and was kind towards her, but she feared that she would accidentally hurtKaede somehow and possibly further her injury which is something she reallywanted to avoid.

But still, Tenko was always really empathetic towards her. The things she was tryingto say often went over Tenko’s head and she usually misinterpreted Kaede butwas still as understanding as could be. 

She also was concerned with who injuredher and how, because if it was some… male, then she would definitely get somerevenge. 

Kaede calmed her nerves. Tenko kept her distance from Kaede apart from kindgreetings and friendly exchanges occasionally out of hesitation, though.

Another person that often distanced themselves from her was Ryoma. He simply didn’tfeel like he would be able to help her or be there for her in the way sheneeded, and she was already receiving that kind of attention from folks likeSaihara and Rantaro.

He was friendly, but Ryoma was naturally a cold person. He did his best tosympathize with her problem but never truly pursued a real friendship. 

If she tried communicating with him, he would respond and Ryoma wassurprisingly very understanding and good and deciphering what she was saying,but he simply didn’t think he was “fit” for her. However, he’s like this withmost people so she didn’t really take it personally.

Kirumi was very parental with her. She often took care of Kaede, not in the protectiveway that her close friends did, but rather checked up on her to make sure shewas okay, like a mom would. Kirumi gave her extra attention because she has aided mute people before.

She was one of the only people, other than Rantaro, Maki, and Saihara, whonever tried to outright force her to talk. Kirumi respected that she was muteand knew the extensive damage that vocal cord injuries carry and geared herselfto look after her peer.

Their relationship was mainly surrounded by that fact. Kirumi was very formalwith her and often acted as a translator if her friends weren’t around. Herheart really went out to Kaede and she wanted to do the best she could to makeher time in their class as smooth and easy as possible.

There were some others on the opposite end of the spectrum, like Miu, who didn’trespect her as much. She kept bothering Kaede about wanting to hear her voice,and though Miu didn’t really mean it in a harsh way, that’s how she cameacross. It was that she was just really curious because she has never met amute person before.

Miu related muteness to quietness and sometimes mistook Kaede for just beingshy. It took her several months to finally come around and realize that that’sjust not the case.

She tried creating inventions to help her talk but Kaede didn’t really wantthat, and a lot of those inventions ended up not working anyway. 

She also triedto translate but was wrong the majority of the time, interpreting her words asmuch more sexual, blunt, and jarring than what they truly were… with lots ofswearing added.

Needless to say, Kaede communicated with Miu mainly through notes from that pointon.

Some of her classmates didn’t really come around for a while, either, likeKorekiyo and Tsumugi.

Korekiyo didn’t start associating with Kaede at first because he wasn’t surehow to communicate with her and he didn’t want to seem rude or disrespectful.He did a lot of research about muteness and vocal cord injuries before heactually tried to form a friendship.

She was very understanding and he was very respectful. Korekiyo had a lot ofquestions about her life and her injury which she kindly answered. Once he camearound, he was fascinated by Kaede. He found her to be inspiring.

She easily could go to a school or join a class for mute kids, but she didn’t –and he thought that was extremely beautiful and admirable. Korekiyo held her ata high standard and really supported her in the end.

And Tsumugi was a bit uncomfortable, not knowing how to approach her at first.She didn’t want to be overbearing but also didn’t want to put Kaede on apedestal for something she can’t control.

The Cosplayer slowly but surely settled into her new classmate, and likeKorekiyo she had a lot of questions. She came across as more uninformed but Kaededidn’t think it was a very big deal.

Tsumugi liked Kaede and just didn’t really grasp the extent of her situation.Still, she was as respectful as could be towards her but the two never really got close.Once again, they were friendly enough but never got too familiar with oneanother.

Overall, her class accepted her for who she was and saw her as a real humanbeing and not just ‘The Mute Girl.’

She was closer to some more than others, but she loved them all the same. Shehas never felt more welcomed or loved in another class. They all, for the mostpart, seemed to understand her and support her. No one ever tried forcing heror made her too uncomfortable.

That’s all Kaede could really ask for.

- Mod Rantaro

[sloanemiller-blog]

❊Sloane Miller Application

Just posting my application for more insight into them and their feelings and feel free to go off this to plot with me!

in character: overview

Full name: Sloane Marie Miller

Used name(s): Sloane, Lo to her sister

Date of birth: February 26th, 1970. Born in the month of love and filled to the brim of it it seemed like an omen of good fortune.

Zodiac sign: Pisces. Pisces are very friendly, so they often find themselves in a company of very different people. Pisces are selfless, they are always willing to help others, without hoping to get anything back.

Pisces is a Water sign and as such this zodiac sign is characterized by empathy and expressed emotional capacity.

Gender identity and pronouns: They/them, sometimes she/her. They alternate between the two in different social circles and company, depending on the level of acceptance or mood of the day.

Sexual orientation: Pansexual, panromantic

Occupation: Author

in character: details

(1) Discuss your character. This can be formal or informal, and can be as long as you want. You can talk about any aspect of their characterization, any plans you have for them, and so on.

She lives to live, lives to breathe in the glow of sunlight and the coolness of a breeze on her skin; she lives for the laughter of her friends, the trickle of juice down her chin, and the steady stream of leaves skittering down the sidewalk. Life is hers for the taking and so she lives. She fills every inch of it, gives the air the breath it needs, brings light where there is none. Wide-eyed wonder, smile wide enough to break the tension that filters any room as they approach. Their sister standing guard behind them, gaze spearing anyone who dares approach with harm.

While somewhat initially shy, Sloane blooms like a soft rose stretching, grasping towards the sun. It is not that they are self-conscious or even hesitant to speak, it is just that they choose their words carefully around those that they do not interact with often. She’s far too earnest to mean much harm but she knows the harm that words can cause, the scars they leave behind, and tries to shape their words around the person who needs them most. It’s the soft words spoken underneath a staircase hidden in darkness or a comforting hand curling around a forearm that they offer more freely than the poetry in their head.

Growing up in a world where money is thrown about so freely and never much needed had a strange effect on Sloane. College was never an issue, clothes gifted freely, coffees already paid for before they stepped inside the shop. It is because of this that she tries to seek something deeper and something higher than just the frivolity of their possible lifestyle. Their mother called them an ‘old soul’ that preferred the company of books and endless questions about life that never got very far. Daisy was always the more wild of the two and so Sloane became more responsible by default in an attempt to stake a claim to their own identity. Being known simply as “Daisy’s younger sibling” carried enough weight and expectations that threatened to collapse their own identity and so they acted out entirely differently, despite the few opportunities to let loose. She was more controlled, more introverted, but more thoughtful in all the ways she thought mattered. Anything she wanted she worked her ass off for, regardless of any connections her parents tried to bring up. Her kindness grew from wanting, no, needing a connection of her own to people and being known for something other than those around her.

In preparation for their next novel, Sloane wants to dig deeper into the mystery of Joel’s death. For a night shrouded in so much red tape and confusion everyone seemed to accept the idea of it being an accident or suicide. She’d been high as a kite, floating loose and aimlessly through the crowds with too many joints passed her way to set them free. It had been a night of release, for everyone to celebrate, and Sloane had been swept up in the desire to do something different. But the shock of the night and loss of a friend in their social circle had shattered everyone’s high and trickled down into something akin to mourning.

(2) Headcanons

Whenever Sloane gets prepared to write, she absolutely covers her room in sticky-notes with different colored gel pens scattered about her room. It’s almost a hazard, the way papers burst into the air whenever she flops onto her bed only to scramble to piece them back together again. Most are barely legible, just prompts and words meant to be cobbled together for a broader story that only succeeds in turning her room into a nightmare. Notes are her preferred method of jotting down ideas due to the iBook being more of a hefty paperweight than the convenience she wants it to be.

Despite the popularity of her first novel, exposing the secrets of her friends and broader net of acquaintances, she’s been hitting a dead end of writer’s block. All of her work isn’t up to her standard besides the two other novels she forced out after the success of her first one to middling results. The reunion of Joel’s death brought her back to New York from her sabbatical to gain muse once more. Her newest novel idea was a delicate and empathetic exploration of loneliness. Of what it means to feel the edges of the space someone inhabits shrink inward and inward, until the world as they’ve known it is reduced to what’s inside of them; until it’s distorted into jagged lines that don’t fit together anymore. It was a reconnaissance on love or the lack of it, and the thousands of ways it can break you. It was an intimate look at slowly losing your mind. Or, at least vaguely, into the mind of Joel Buchanon and his last few months. All wrapped into a mind bending murder mystery of a man running from everything.

In the case of Joel Buchanon, Sloane was never as close to him as they imagined. No, Daisy was much more loud and out there than she ever was and claimed attention for herself. Still, she managed to find him coming down from a high here and there, guided him to the nearest flat surface and brought him water as he babbled. It was never more than a string of words guided by the pretty white powder in his pocket and a “Hey, you’re Daisy’s sibling right?” but it was enough. They were on the in’s and out’s of their social circle at times, younger than the rest of them, but Joel still recognized her on the off chance he wasn’t fucking around with something he shouldn’t have. His loss hit them surprisingly hard because Sloane had always tried to be there for him, tried to take him under her protective wing as much as she did anyone as he had been dealing with enough. It didn’t make a difference in the end.

Sloane’s gender identity was a struggle when they were younger, always confused on what was proper since they never felt entirely comfortable in tweed skirts and high heels. Daisy was always a trailblazer first and their clothing line led to obvious attempts at dressing Sloane in various outfits for help. Defining themself through clothing became an easy way of expression to defy expectations in the small ways they were comfortable with; coats became blazers, button-ups became sloughy t-shirts, pressed slacks replaced some of the more confining body suits. As they became more comfortable with the idea of being gender fluid and non-binary, they slowly eased into something more understandable and incorporated genderless pronouns into their life. Despite liking the anonymity it grants them, Sloane still enjoys a slight feminine side on certain days and isn’t above wearing a skirt now and then or presenting as more obviously feminine. Makeup and its ties to femininity became something of a statement; mascara here and there or a neutral lip gloss remained about as far as she would go most days. It’s more of an acceptance of themselves and all that comes from it and enhancing everything to the point of disguise never sat well with them.

Their writer’s name is Addison Swyft, an easy bypass to any questions that arise when the topic of their next novel is broached in the papers. Most have simply assumed its a man spinning tales of debauchery and living a high life supported by bottomless bank accounts. Sloane prefers it that way and deliberately left their identity up for interpretation as some of the things they intend to write about would leave them a social pariah.

Out of everything, their worst fear is not being enough. It covers a broad spectrum of everything from not being good enough at school or writing or even not being enough for her friends and loved ones, of being the rock that they desperately count on. Failure is crippling and the brief second guessing leads to tears hidden under staircases covered up by a bright smile and slightly shaking hands. She’s gotten so good at pretending she’s alright, that everyone’s fine, that everyone merely assumes she’s got it all together despite the desperate and aching loneliness she feels buried in her chest. They know that they’re good, that they’re honest and genuine and everything that they so desperately strive for. But it only makes it that much harder when it’s not. Joel’s passing has led to a flicker of doubt that nobody is safe from losing it all and she’s the only one picking up everyone else when they’re down that sometimes she needs someone to look at her a little more closely.

extras

So I created a little Pinterest board for some inspiration:

https://www.pinterest.com/chloefairy1/sloane-fortunate-age/

And a sample of my writing from another rp account:

His eyes have been on her since she’d stepped into the room.

She’d dallied as long as she had been able to, flirting with senators and cooing with their wives over their small babes that clung to their hips. Looking from under the haze of her lashes shows he remains glued to her form, hanging onto her every word and tracing the curves hidden beneath her gown. She deliberately traces the border of her dress’s plunging neckline, fingernail catching on the jewels lining the edge, and hears him audibly gulp.

When she moves to leave he follows. He grabs her elbow, palm callused and warm and rough against her arm, and stops her from walking any further. His chest grazes the back of her shoulder. She has never been so close to him before. And she doesn’t—and she can’t- he’s absolutely radiating heat and the wine she’d consumed swims suddenly into focus. “You meant to leave without saying goodbye?” His breath is moist against her neck, lips brushing freckles until shivers rattle down her spine. A fingertip brushes down the knobs, chasing those bumps until they snag on fabric and continue to settle on her lower back.

“You knew where to find me,” she whispers, eyes fluttering shut. He hums in agreement and her pulse speeds up when his grip tightens on her arm. The air around them feels swollen with possibilities, with all the potential for chaos, and her brain is drowning in wine, dizzy and looping with possibilities—she can’t process what she hopes is about to happen, can’t wrap her mind around dallying with a man who has dogged her steps for months now—Alexander the Great, a god in his own right—he isn’t easy and he isn’t patient and he will ruin her, she can already tell, and she will regret him, she will regret this, and she will buckle under the weight of his desire and she will survive, yes, she will always survive because that’s what she was born to do, but that doesn’t mean that it won’t hurt if he leaves. But she has not once touched his heart or his desire, not pressed inside to see where his longing truly lied, and yet here he is to claim her as he has claimed every other city that falls beneath his touch.

She stays.

She kisses him and it's like the lavender blush of a sunrise has melted into the red-orange haze of a sunset, like the briny swirl of high tide has infiltrated the sand-speckled slosh of low tide, like the glow of the moon and the rasp of the clouds and soft silk sliding through her fingers as she wishes and wants and prays— She kisses him, and he shivers. He kisses her, and she burns.

[weretheoneswhowrite]

Michonne and Carl Chronicles

First Kiss

“Carl, if you walk past that door one more time, I’m gonna throw my book at your head. And I won’t miss. Get in here.”

Michonne placed the book she was reading face down on her lap and crossed her arms, watching the hallway from her perch against her pillows on the bed. Carl had been pacing back and forth in the hallway, pretending to grab a towel from the linen closet, pretending to retrieve his backpack from downstairs, then not even pretending -- he simply walked past the door and glanced in at her under his layers of thick brown hair until she playfully threatened bodily harm.

“Sorry, Michonne.” Now he stood fully in the doorway, hovering in the shadow of the hall, looking nervous. “I didn’t want to bother you if you’re going to bed.”

Michonne smirked, patting Rick’s side of the bed. “It’s okay, I’m up. What’s on your mind?”His father was working late tonight, and his younger siblings were already tucked in, so it was just the two of them awake on a school night.

The fifteen-year-old hesitated for a moment, avoiding her gaze, before walking into his parents’ bedroom. Michonne waited patiently as he lingered by the foot of the bed before coming around to sit gingerly on his dad’s side, still not meeting his stepmother’s eyes.

“It’s...kinda...complicated,” came his adolescent voice, on the verge of breaking deeper than his father’s. His pale cheeks flushed hot pink as he cleared his throat and ran a hand through his long hair, which Rick wanted to cut very badly. Michonne liked it, though. It gave the kid some style, and she knew the girls at school probably couldn’t get enough of it. “Ooh, okay. I like complicated. Shoot.”

Finally, Carl relaxed a bit, tentatively propping his socked feet up and leaning back. He sighed and glanced over at her, his cheeks going almost crimson. “Uh, so...there’s this girl at school…”

Michonne’s eyes went wide with excitement, but she tried very hard not to let him see how ecstatic she was. She had a running bet with Rick about who would get to have this talk with their kids first. Her husband could be so cocky about which one of them their kids thought was cooler. Rick, bless him, wrongly assumed him being a cop and a class clown with them won him more cool points. But Michonne was confident that her easygoing attitude and natural ability to listen to them with empathy rather than judgement got her much farther in their book. She was about to be proven right.

Michonne fixed her face to show Carl patient, neutral interest, though internally she was thinking of how exactly she was going to taunt his father with her victory later. “A girl at school, huh? What’s her name? What’s she like?” Easy questions, first. She set her book aside on the nightstand and angled herself toward him.

Carl swallowed, looking very embarrassed and yet very determined. “Layla. Layla Robinson. She’s like a year older than me, but we have some of the same AP classes.”

“So you like each other?” His stepmother probed gently. Carl nodded slowly. “Well, I do. I’m not really sure how she feels.” She watched his crystal blue eyes turn dreamy and knew he was thinking about this girl. She waited, and soon Carl started to open up, visibly relaxing more in the bed next to her. She could tell that he had been wanting to talk about this for a while, and found herself becoming overwhelmed with affection that he chose her to confide in. “She’s really awesome. Really, really pretty. So smart, and, like, crazy funny. We have some friends in common, but she’s really popular, so it’s hard to know where I stand with her sometimes. She kinda teases me alot, too,” he frowned thoughtfully, “but with her, it feels more like a compliment, maybe? It’s hard to explain.”

Michonne grinned and winked at him. “Oh, I know exactly what you mean. Grownups do that, too. I teased your dad constantly when we first met. That’s how we flirted with each other.”

Carl raised a skeptical eyebrow at her as he thought back to how lovey-dovey they always were with each other now that they were married. “Dad knows how to flirt?”

Michonne laughed with genuine amusement. “Believe it or not, yes. Making fun of each other was pretty much how we got so close in the beginning. Soooo, have you told Layla how you feel yet?”

“Well, like I said it’s kinda complicated.” Carl took a deep breath and surged forward. “We got cast as Romeo and Juliet in this year’s Drama Club production and I have to kiss her. Like, really kiss her, and rehearsals start next week, and I don’t think I can kiss her without...” he exhaled, at a loss for words, flushed and avoiding her eyes again.

Michonne smiled empathetically. “You want to do a good job, but you think you might give your feelings away, right?”

“Er...yeah? I don’t know. She’s...she’s really pretty, Michonne. Like, too pretty.” Carl flopped back onto his father’s pillows and covered his face with the crook of his arm. “I’ve never kissed a girl before, and I really like her, and I’d rather just kiss her normally, but now I have to do it in front of people. This is so embarrassing. I’m gonna look like an idiot.”

“Okay, first thing’s first, mister,” Michonne curled up next to him, resting her face on her arm to level with him, “start by not making the play about your feelings for her. You don’t want to make her uncomfortable.” Carl turned to her, listening attentively. “Second, just talk to her. About the play, about the kiss…you might find she’s just as nervous as you are. She might feel a lot better knowing you’re both feeling the same way.”

Carl made a face. “You want me to tell her this is my first kiss, for real? I don’t know, Michonne…”

She reached over to give his arm a supportive squeeze. “You said she was smart, and cool. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Trust her. And she will definitely appreciate that, if she’s as amazing a person as you know she is. Then let her help decide how you guys should play this kiss, together.”

He lowered his gaze, thinking, before finally raising it again to ask: “What was your first kiss like?”

Michonne sighed wistfully, now the slightly embarrassed one, but decided to give him the reassurance he was seeking. It was just the two of them, and the house was quiet. It was a rare moment in their hectic lives raising three kids with grueling work schedules where she and Carl could just talk about whatever he wanted without interruption. She was happy to give him that, since his own mother died when he was ten.

“Well...it was sweet. I made the first move. He was really handsome but neither of us knew what we were doing, either.”

“Did you like it?” Carl turned toward her, mimicking her body position with his head on his arm, too.

Michonne chuckled softly. “It took us a couple of tries to get comfortable, but yes. It was nice. Because he was nice. Gentle. We dated for a while after that.” “How old were you?”

“Just a little older than you, actually. I was kind of a tomboy in school. Way too into track and academics to care about boys. And they didn’t seem all that interested in me, the beanpole.”

Carl scoffed, shaking his head with a smile. “No way. I’ll bet loads of guys had crushes on you! You’re really pretty, like Layla. You have the same kinda smile and skin tone.”

Michonne booped his nose. “Thanks, kid. I’m not sure if the boys back then would agree with you, but I didn’t much notice. Until the right boy came along.” Carl went quiet, processing her advice, turning things over in his young mind. Finally, he spoke again, very earnestly, “I really want to be the right boy for Layla.”

“Then you will be. You’re already off to a great start, just being considerate of her feelings and treating her with respect.”

“So, I shouldn’t tell her I like her? I should just be professional and look at this whole kiss thing like, a job. Right?”

Michonne took a minute to formulate something he could understand, and use. “I think you should take your part in this play seriously, and follow your heart for the rest. You’ll know that perfect moment, Carl...when everything feels right, and you’re feeling her and she’s feeling you. And if you feel safe enough to tell her that you like her, go for it. If not, that just means it’s not time yet. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah. I think so. Play or not, I’ll know when it’s time to lay it all out there.” “Exactly. And if she doesn’t feel the same way, you just say ‘hey, that’s okay. Let’s rock this play’.”

The sweet young man she had come to think of as her own son scrunched his handsome features up into a funny, skeptical look. “Nobody in school talks like that, Michonne.”

“Well, I haven’t been a teenager since the nineties, so touche. However you want to say it, then.”

“But what about the actual kiss part?” He probed, still looking a bit uncertain. “What if I’m terrible at it? What if I get nervous and I screw it up?”

“Naaah, you won’t. You’re Romeo!” She poked him in the stomach and chest, causing him to laugh and roll his eyes at her. “Here’s a trick: lean in, let her know you’re there, then let her come to you. And whatever happens, just let it happen naturally, don’t force it. Shakespeare gave you beautiful, brilliant words as your guide. A character that’s full of passion and romance. Romeo and Juliet were around your age, you know. They didn’t have much more experience then you and Layla. You’ll be fine.”

Carl looked relieved and a bit inspired. “Okay. Thanks, Michonne.” “No problem, kid. When’s the play?”

“Next month. We only have three and a half weeks to rehearse.” “I can’t wait to see!”

“Ohhh, maaaaan….” Carl rolled his eyes up into his head, hiding behind his hair, now. “Great. My first kiss in front of you and Dad.”

“If you practice for it, it won’t be your first kiss. And you won’t be you, you’ll be Romeo.” She winked at him as he climbed off the bed and shuffled across the room to the door.

“Yeah, that doesn’t make me feel better. Goodnight, Michonne.” “Night, Carl. Break a leg!”

He waved her off as he disappeared down the hall to go to sleep, finally. As soon as she heard his door close, she grabbed her cell phone from the night stand and opened it to his school’s website. She did a search of Drama Club photos until she found one taken earlier that year. It didn’t take her long to spot Miss Robinson. She was standing next to Carl in the lineup of thirty-some-odd kids, smiling broadly. She was indeed a gorgeous young lady, with dark, smooth skin, bright pearly whites, sparkling eyes and long, flowing Senegalese twists. She was standing very close to Carl, as a matter of fact, shoulder-to-shoulder. From the photo credits, Michonne learned that she was Drama Club president, also a cheerleader, an after school tutor, and part of the Media and Science Clubs.

She didn’t think Carl had anything to worry about. Michonne closed the website and switched apps to call her husband.

“This is Sheriff Grimes,” he answered, sounding too exhausted to drop the formality for his wife.

“Stepmama Michonne one, Sheriff Grimes zero.”

Written by: @kendrawriter​

-We're The Ones Who Write

[pamphletstoinspire]

Why Would a Loving God Allow Suffering? - Part 7

Written by: Robert J. Spitzer, S.J., Ph.D.

II.C.5 Forgiveness  

Forgiveness requires both humility and empathy because it entails letting go of a just grievance against another. If someone has intentionally insulted or hurt us without provocation, it is difficult not to desire retribution or, at the very least, some form of retributive justice. Yet this retribution generally produces a cycle of vengeance begetting vengeance and violence begetting violence. If we are to interrupt this cycle of vengeance and violence, if we are to allow the parties in the cycle to begin the long process of healing, and if we are to restore equanimity to a shattered peace, we will, to some degree, have to let go of our just claims against the other. But how is this possible? We must see the intrinsic value and need of the unjust perpetrator (like the priest in Les Miserables who sees the goodness and need of Jean Valjean “beyond all appearances”); we must see the goodness of interrupting the cycle of vengeance begetting vengeance and violence begetting violence; and we must want the good of our enemy (even though we may have to protect ourselves against him in the future). But how can we do this – particularly when we are still stinging from the injustice of a seemingly callous attack?

In my novitiate, this occurred through a recognition of the truth in the Parable of the Wicked Servant who maltreated his fellow servant (after having been forgiven by his master for a much greater debt – Mt 18:23-35). I had an intuitive recognition of the truth of this parable and its general applicability to everyone. But eventually, the direct applicability to me became “painfully” obvious. My deepening appreciation of empathy and humility opened the way to seeing the dignity and goodness of others, which, in turn, led to a deepening care for them. My past disregard, thoughtlessness, and callousness became painfully apparent. I reflected on some of the times in college when I intimated that people were not as quick or knowledgeable as I might have “expected.” I also let people know the privilege of my family background without regard to the hardships they may have had to endure. As I considered these things, I realized how much the Lord of unconditional love had forgiven me for my arrogance, insensitivity, and heartlessness.  

I realized that if I had been forgiven for so much, I too would have to forgive others. The “have to” in that recognition was not one of fear (i.e., “If I don’t forgive others as God has forgiven me, then I will be punished like the wicked servant”). Neither was it a “have to” arising out of duty (i.e., “If God did it for me, then I would be an ingrate if I did not do it for other people”). Rather, it was a “have to” borne out of love. When I recognized how much I had been loved by God, I was moved to do the same for others out of both a profound sense of gratitude, and a simple desire to love in the same way as the One who loved me.  

Yet, none of this would have occurred if I had not appreciated empathy and humility (which led to the recognition of the unique goodness and lovability of others). As noted above, my appreciation of empathy and humility was greatly assisted by suffering, which allowed me to move (partially) beyond the spell of self-absorption and autonomy. Weakness and suffering enabled me to see the goodness and lovability of others and what I could have done to befriend them through empathetic and humble love. Though this filled me with another kind of suffering – the guilt and regret for my indifference, callousness, and arrogance – it led me to realize that I had been forgiven much and loved much – by both God and neighbor -- and this led me – albeit gradually -- to the freedom to forgive others who had unjustly offended me. I could ask the Lord for the grace to imitate Him in His forgiveness, and I could pray for my persecutor by putting the entire matter in the hands of the just and merciful judge. This freedom which came through a combination of suffering and the love of God has enabled me, albeit imperfectly, to forgive from the heart.  

I have a long way to go in the pursuit of humility and empathy, of care and respect, and forgiveness; so I expect that I will need further assistance along that path. But I have come to realize that God’s unconditional love in combination with suffering is one of the best vehicles to this freedom to love and forgive in the very imitation of Christ. I have also come to realize that true happiness consists in this love, which seems, at least in my life, to come inevitably through the vulnerability of an imperfect physical nature in an imperfect world.  

II.C.6 Compassion  

Compassion is yet another gift which suffering helps to appropriate. “Compassion” means “to suffer with.” Though the Ancients recognized the nobility of this virtue, Jesus elevates it to the very perfection of the Father: “Be compassionate (oiktirmones) as your Father is compassionate” (Luke 6:36). This passage parallels Matthew’s rendition, “Be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Mt 5:48). The Greek word here, oiktirmones, has multiple connotations. It implies mercy in the sense of forgiveness, and also in the sense of genuine sympathy for the poor and the marginalized. It carries with it every implication of the heart of the father of the prodigal son (Luke 15) where we see the root of compassion quite deeply.  

The father of the prodigal son (who represents God the Father, for Jesus) is not simply merciful to him, he sympathizes with him in his suffering. Even though the boy has betrayed him, his family, his country, his election, and the Law, the father cannot help but be moved by his son’s misery. He so sympathizes with his son in his suffering that he forgives him and restores him to full membership with the family (signified by giving him a signet ring). Compassion (“loving sympathy with another who suffers”), here, is not only the source of forgiveness, it is also the source of healing and the imparting of dignity. We are now getting to the essence of compassion.  

When we are compassionate (not merely showing compassion, which feels like pity to the receiving party) we become like the prodigal son’s father. We don’t feel misery in the same way that the son feels misery (i.e., starving, deprived, alone, regretful), but we feel miserable because the one we love is miserable, and this sense of “sympathetic sadness” moves us to do as much as we can to comfort the one who is suffering. Comfort sometimes takes the form of doing something beneficial (restoring the son to the family, giving a medical treatment which is successful, giving a poor person a meal, etc.). But frequently enough, we cannot do anything but give our time, presence, and attention; we can only be with the other. We are capable only of using our presence, our friendship, and our love to give comfort. Yet this imparts dignity. Spending time with another proves to the other that he is valuable, because most everyone intuitively recognizes the preciousness of time. Children certainly do.  

No matter how compassion is manifested (doing something for someone, or simply being with someone), it always has the capacity to impart dignity. There is something about “an act of loving sympathy with another’s misery from which comfort naturally comes” which proves to another that he not only has esteemability or status, but genuine lovability (belovedness), which is much deeper than a mere accolade for talent or a job well done. This “loving sympathy giving rise to comfort” is the deepest and most positive gift which can be given -- for the awareness of belovedness, genuine belovedness, is a recognition of our truest dignity. We intuitively know that it is better to be loved than “accorded esteem,” and when we receive such love, it brings with it a flood of dignity, a freedom to be oneself, an appreciation of the goodness of one’s personhood – one’s being -- and not merely one’s accomplishments. This is true joy.  

There is only one hitch. We generally have to be suffering in order to receive compassion. When you really think about it, you can only receive “the loving sympathy for suffering which naturally gives rise to comfort” when you are suffering! You can’t be the recipient of a genuine gift of “suffering with,” unless you are suffering. Thus, we can see one of the most paradoxical aspects of the human condition – if we are to receive the deep affirmation of our belovedness which leads to our deepest moments of dignity, freedom, self-affirmation, and joy, we must be in a state of weakness, pain, or need.  

Most children experience this when they are sick and stay home from school. Instead of their mothers being revolted by their illness, or angry at the inconvenience of their illness, they probably receive loving sympathy, comfort, and a genuine affirmation of their belovedness. This gift of compassion leaves an indelible mark on children. If it recurs again and again, an intuitive belief begins to form that they are intrinsically lovable. They are beloved just in themselves, without all the accomplishments and comparative advantage that can make them exteriorly esteemable. This will eventually enable them to love themselves and to accept love from another, which will make all the difference between a life of love and a life of trying to win the love that we believe we do not deserve. The former strategy leads to lasting friendships and good marriages, but the latter one substitutes the loveable self for the esteemable self. Notice how suffering is integral to the difference between these two self-conceptions.  

Though suffering is exceedingly helpful for breaking the spell of a dominant Level 2 identity and helping us to sympathize with others who are suffering (the first step in being free for empathy, humility, and compassion), it does not automatically lead to compassion. In order for this to happen, the suffering person must fulfill two other conditions:  

1. See the value or goodness of a Level 3 contributive identity, and 2. Be relatively free from fear and anxiety.  

This article is devoted to showing how to fulfill these two conditions. In my view, the most important step for fulfilling them is faith – which includes:

belief in an unconditionally loving God,  belief that His intention is to bestow eternal life on us in His kingdom of love,  belief that He suffers with us while we are suffering and continuously brings goodness and opportunity out of it  belief that He is inspiring, protecting, and guiding us through our times of suffering,  spontaneous prayers that can act as conduits of grace, and  the ability to recognize how He is guiding us through the actions of His Spirit. Faith transforms the other critical elements for “suffering well” by focusing them on eternal life and love and complementing them with God’s grace and inspiration. These other elements include:  

prudence – the ability to know that Level 3 and 4 happiness give rise to a more pervasive, enduring, and deep, purpose, dignity, fulfillment, and destiny than Levels 1 and 2.  

rationality to make backup plans, strategies for limiting negative effects, plans for utilizing others’ skills and connections, etc.  

connecting with friends for both support and complementary skill sets and connections

reshaping our expectations and avoiding negative comparisons  

With faith as our foundation and with these other natural abilities to complement it, suffering will almost inevitably lead to a deeper appreciation and appropriation of empathy, humility, and compassion. This can happen either by directly recognizing the intrinsic goodness of contribution, empathy, humility, and compassion, or by seeing the goodness of these qualities through the eyes and mind of Jesus Christ who loves us and is redeeming us. As noted above, I was in the second group, but I know many who are in the first.    

II.C.7 Acceptance of Compassion

Most of us who have reached our mid-twenties no longer have the attitude of children who are capable of accepting the compassion of parents, friends, and teachers. We have learned that we are supposed to be capable of taking care of ourselves, carrying our own weight, and that our respectability depends on this. We have also learned that we should never take another person’s time for our personal needs. Even though we could not possibly live this way, we try to believe the myth so that we can content ourselves with our autonomy and self-sufficiency. If we believe the myth, we tell ourselves that we are not needy, and we would never explicitly admit to being needy, but we do find ways, “acceptable ways,” of getting our needs met.  

How do people find the freedom to accept another’s compassion? As implied above, some people do this naturally. Others remember the acts of compassion they received as children and carry them over into adulthood. And still others, like myself, need suffering in order to do this.  

As I mentioned above, I suffer from retinitis pigmentosa (a degenerative eye disease). This caused me to lose my driver’s license when I was 31. Now if there is one thing in this culture that proves we are self-sufficient and autonomous, it is the fact that we can get into our cars and go wherever we want whenever we want. But I found myself, at the age of 31, not being able to get into my car and go wherever I wanted whenever I wanted. Quite the contrary. I lost my insurance, and therefore, my driver’s license, and therefore became dependent on others for rides.  

At first, I could not bear to ask anyone for a ride out of sheer embarrassment. I felt that the mere admission of bad eyesight and an inability to drive myself (not carrying my own weight, as it were) would produce utter shock and disdain among the people I asked. This shock and disdain really never happened, but after two years of having my secretaries ask for rides for me, I still did not believe that people respected me as much as they would have if I had not been losing my eyesight. I thought they were disguising it incredibly well. So, as I took the rides from compassionate people, I would sit there believing that they were annoyed at the inconvenience, troubled by my inferiority, and pitying me for that inferiority. I really hated getting into those cars.  

One day, I was accepting a ride to my parish when a lady mentioned to me that she was really grateful that she was able to get on the list of people who wanted to give me a ride. I said, “A list? Why would there be a list?” And she said that this was something that many people thought they could do, that it was relatively easy, and it would give them some time with me. I was truly surprised. They were not annoyed at my weakness. They found it a rather pleasing and interesting idiosyncrasy in a person who seemed, at times, distant because of his use of complex sentences and concepts. They said that my eye problem made me human, and that they were able to empathize with a person that they had otherwise found to be somewhat intimidating. In fact, this lady said that it made me “un-intimidating!”  

After some reflection on this incident, I discovered that people liked me – just for myself, not for my intellect or my gifts of speaking. They wanted to get to know me, they wanted me to be un-intimidating. They enjoyed being around me not despite my weakness, but in the midst of my weakness. They really enjoyed being of service – and giving a ride was something they could do (which I obviously could not do). I had the peculiar role of allowing these wonderful people an opportunity to obtain dignity from their selfless service to another. In their attempt to make my life easier, in their loving sympathy with my weakness, in their self-sacrifice to care for me, I too was able to impart dignity back to them by merely accepting their compassion as compassion, by accepting their love as genuine love. I often wondered why people were so happy when they were giving me a ride. It began to occur to me that the smile was not an act, but a genuine bit of joy produced through an authentic act of empathy, graciously accepted by someone in need.  

But how did I get there? Suffering. In this case, deprivation – a problem with my eyes. But more than this, I had to go through a period of embarrassment and humiliation (more suffering) before I began to realize that people were better than I ever expected them to be. The reason I did not think they were better than I ever expected was because I was not up to their level. I was not capable of that kind of compassion. Formerly, I believed that their compassion really was a disguised act of shock and disdain (they were doing it because the pastor had put pressure on them, and so they were making the best out of a bad situation). But when that lady told me about the list, it occurred to me that people are really that good; they are much better than I expected; and so I felt called to be more compassionate in imitation of them. The more I responded to this call to become genuinely compassionate myself, the more I was able to accept the compassion of others.  

I deduced from this a cycle for people like myself, namely, that a small act of accepting compassion induces an awareness of how genuinely good people can be, and this awareness, in turn, called me to imitate them, which, in turn, freed me to accept their compassion. Not a bad deal! Suffering induced not only the compassion of others, it made me aware of goodness in the world, called me to compassion, and allowed me to accept the compassion of others, which imparted true dignity to the one giving compassion. All of this through one manifestation of suffering.  

There was another hidden benefit underlying my increased ability for compassion and the acceptance of it – the recovery of my loveable self. As noted above, before my eyesight problem, I struggled with substituting my “loveable self” with my esteemable self. I am not sure how my esteemable self-conception grew so strong, because my parents never emphasized Level 2 characteristics, but rather Level 3 and 4 characteristics. I suppose it happened throughout my academic studies because I was in competition with other students in three masters programs and a doctoral program—and I wanted to win the esteem of my professors as much as my religious superiors—perhaps more (I hate to admit it). Strangely, this emphasis on intelligence, research, writing, and lecturing (Level 2) did not undermine my faith (Level 4), but it did undermine my capacity for love (agapē), empathy, and compassion (Level 3). Though I was always willing to help people with their final exams and comprehensive exams, they would hint that “I did not suffer fools gladly” or “Wow you were a little rough with that guy” or “Intellectual precision is not the most important thing—you know.” I would always ask, “You really think I was that overbearing?” Most people would just say, “Figure it out for yourself,” which gave me enough room to convince myself that I really wasn’t that bad.  

My eye disease changed that. It removed the delusion of compassion, and laid bare the fact that I had replaced my loveable self with a merely esteemable one—an objectified self—a “thingafied” self. As I began to accept the genuine acts of compassion from others, and to see how truly good people really were—I began the long process of going back to what my parents had taught me through their loving actions. Thinking back on it, if I had not been blessed with this gift of progressive blindness, I might have become quite heartless—and if that occurred, I do not think I could have sustained my vocation as a priest. I would have found a much better vocation for the heartless—the interiorly blind. This would have been true darkness—something far worse than a thorn in the flesh. And so I discovered as St. Paul says that in my weakness Christ grows stronger in me—and it is then that I am truly strong.      

I have been going through this for thirty years now, and I have received a lot of rides – I mean a LOT of rides. I have seen the benefits of accepting and giving compassion again and again; and I feel that God called me to be a magnet of compassion (with a concomitant deepening of my own compassion) in all of these circumstances of need – need that was met by my accepting the compassion of others. If I lived for this alone – skip the books, the teaching, the degrees, the presidency, etc. – it would have been more than enough – simply living to induce compassion by the simple act of asking for and accepting a ride.

II.C.8 Conclusion  

Is suffering really necessary for agapē (empathy, the acceptance of love’s vulnerability, humility, forgiveness, compassion, and the acceptance of compassion)? For God, it is not, for He can, in a timeless, completely transparent act, through His perfect power and love, achieve perfect empathy, perfect acceptance of love’s vulnerability, perfect humility, perfect forgiveness, and perfect compassion. As I have indicated many times above, I believe there are some people who can more easily move to this position without much assistance from suffering. But for people like me, suffering is absolutely indispensable to removing the blocks to agapē presented by my egocentric and autonomous desires, my belief in the cultural myth of self-sufficiency, my underestimation of the goodness and love of other people, and all the other limitations to my head and heart.  

I have to believe that God allowed an imperfect physical nature and an imperfect world for people like me not only to actualize agapē freely (well, at least partially), but also, and perhaps more importantly, to even notice it. I really believe that God asks people who are better than me in love to patiently bear with the trials that are indispensable for people like me to arrive at an insight about empathy, humility, forgiveness, and compassion. But then again, they already have the empathy, humility, and compassion to do this, so God’s request is truly achievable.  

God works through this suffering. He doesn’t waste any of it. For those who are open to seeing the horizon of love embedded in it, there is a future, nay, an eternity for each of us to manifest our own unique brand of unconditional love within the symphony of love which is God’s kingdom. Without suffering, I do not think I could have even begun to move freely toward that horizon which is my eternal destiny and joy.  

[quinintheclouds]

why do you think Patton uses fi? he always seemed like a total fe user to me

I totally get that! He does give out that vibe, and I did think that for a while before diving in. There’s a kind of huge set of misconceptions about Fi though, and because of that it gets mistaken for Fe a LOT. People seem to go with the blanket statement of Fe = caring about others’ feelings more than your own and bottling up any negativity; Fi = caring about your own feelings more than having a focus on others’ and embracing or wallowing in the negative emotions. Either of these can do any of these, and they do. 

Fi is more focused on what the individual believes is right or wrong (hence it often being called the “morality” function), while Fe is more socially-oriented, and therefore more often prioritizes/is subject to what a group thinks is right or wrong. Fe is happier when the group is happy - and so is Fi - but Fi users’ emotions are more (for lack of a better word) personal. Fe aims for harmony among a group, which is why it can be caring and put others before itself. Fi aims for inner harmony in the sense that it isn’t comfortable/fulfilled unless it feels that what they are doing is right, good, and true to themself. BUT Fi is also highly empathetic, while Fe users tend to be more sympathetic. This empathy makes healthy Fi users warm, loving, open, caring, put others first, and all the other things people generally attribute exclusively to Fe.

Patton is Thomas’ moral compass. Fe is less about what YOU perceive to be right/wrong or good/bad, and more about which response will provide harmony for others. Patton’s whole function (haha unintentional pun) is to use Fi to guide Thomas’ decision-making, usually around the central theme of being true to yourself (the Fi anthem). Fi strives for authenticity; Fe strives for external peace (external meaning within the framework of others). Thomas absolutely aims for both of these, but he clearly emphasizes making sure he and those he cares about are honest with themselves and genuine in their happiness. Fe users like this outcome, but generally don’t address it on such an individual or prioritized level, and when they do it’s via different methods.

Fi can be especially confused with Fe when someone’s Fi places value on helping others and being kind. Keep in mind that Thomas, a super loving and caring person, would have the kind of Fi that focuses on that, because that’s something he values greatly, and is a huge part of who he is.

We’ve seen what happens when Patton tries to suspend his feelings for the sake of Thomas (something that would come more naturally to an Fe user, who’d be better at adjusting their emotions to make things easier for everyone. When Fi users try to do this, they usually can’t hold it up for long or become uncomfortable and even distraught). In Moving On, Patton tries to stand up to Logan because he knows his room isn’t where Thomas needs to be, but Logan makes the executive decision to go, and Patton reluctantly agrees (trying to go along with the group). Once in the room, Patton indulges in easy-to-deal-with emotions that accompany the memories of all the stuff he’s kept. At a certain point he can’t hide his deeper sadness anymore, so he lashes out at Logan because he’s afraid to go back to reality, and instead marinates in pleasant memories to try and force happiness onto himself. This is exactly what Fi does when under stress. Its intense desire to (unhealthily) avoid addressing painful emotions can override logic and often attempts (futilely) to force other, more preferable emotions to happen. This doesn’t last. Only when Fi is acknowledged in a healthy, open way and is allowed to be honest about its feelings can the painful process of dealing with the issue at hand begin. Once Patton’s facade of happiness is removed, Thomas has to face what he tried to suppress.

Can Lying Be Good was all about how without Patton, they lacked a sense of direction, and Thomas was left confused and unaware of what he thought was right or wrong. The episode was Thomas looking within himself to find what he believed was right, and decided that honesty was the way to go because it was the right thing to do (a conclusion that yes, Fe users can come to, but not by this same type of inner dialogue Thomas uses). Deceit [the way it’s portrayed here] is the other side of the Fi coin. “Deceit is an inner coach that acts with the one intention of self-preservation.” It protects you from feeling you’re a bad person by corrupting your Fi and distracting you from focusing on how you actually feel about your choices and what they mean about you. It’s basically a silencer of Fi, which fits perfectly with the plot of that video.

Pretty much every video deals with delving into Thomas’ personal issues to dig in to who he is (Am I Original in particular is a very Ne-Fi dilemma), help him become a better person, deal with overwhelming emotions, or try to be someone he can be more proud of. The way he does this so regularly, and as his primary method of working out his problems, is undeniably Fi. I can’t see Patton as an Fe-user anymore, considering the way he handles emotions and his methods for self-reflection. 

Whew, this was long! You can see now why I didn’t go off about Fe vs Fi too much in the original post lol :P I’m really glad you asked, though!! Hopefully this helps to explain it! Have an awesome rest of your day; I’d love to hear your response