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theroguequeenaniki · 3 years

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Questions 2009 -> 2021

This is from my Facebook. It popped up on my memories page thing. I originally answered this in 2009 when I was 15, it’s now 2021 & and I am 27, so I’m gonna do it again. Leaving the original answers. Original answers will be italicized. Commentary on the original answers in parentheses & crossed out? Lol. (I’m not gonna tag anyone, but, like, I guess if you want to answer these random questions from Facebook 12 years ago, go ahead lol)

Questions

Can you fill this out without lying? You've been tagged, so now you need to answer all the questions HONESTLY. At the end, choose people to tag. Don't forget to tag me so I can see your answers! To do this, copy this entire message, then go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, delete my answers, and type yours. Easy! Next, tag people that you think may enjoy this (in the right hand corner of the app). Click publish (at the bottom). Have fun! :) 1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth? My cup with my Big Red in it The straw to my Kate Spade tumbler to drink my HEB Cola Lol.

2.Where was your profile picture taken? I got it off the internet. it's a random anime girl. My bedroom. 3.Can you play Guitar Hero? Never played it. Probably wouldn't be good at it. Not to good at video games. But I am good at Mario Cart, both 64 and the Wii. plus I'm good at some Sonic games. Still never played it. Idk if I’m any good at Mario Cart or the Sonic games anymore, I haven’t played either in years lol

4.Name someone who made you laugh today? Doctor Who TikTok. My cats.

5.How late did you stay up last night and why? Umm, probably about 10:00 cause it took me forevor to get into bed. Uh..Past 4am. Lol. B/c my sleep schedule is fucked. I was in bed by 3am though, but I was playing games & watching TikToks on my phone. Lol.

6.If you could move somewhere else, would you? Yes. I'd move to either New York or Sweden. I don’t know. Part of me says yes. But part of me says no..b/c even though Texas has it’s faults (a LOT of them), I cannot imagine living anywhere else long-term..

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? HAHA. Yeah right. I've never even been kissed! Still nope. I have been kissed though. He just didn’t kiss me under the fireworks the one NYE we spent together...

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you? Um, I think R, but D might also. D is accross Stasney from me and R is a couple blocks down (I don’t talk to these people much anymore & I’m not going to share their names on Tumblr) Uh. I think Maybe Raven? B/c they’re the only one who lives in the same city still. But, Sarah might technically be closer distance wise? Hold on. Ok, yeah, Sarah’s closer, even though she doesn’t live in this city anymore.

9. Do you believe exes can be friends? It all depends on the situation.(I totally stold M's answer but it's true) (I don’t talk to this person anymore & I’m not gonna share their name on Tumblr) I mean, yeah. Two of my best friends are each others exes and they’re still friends. I haven’t stayed friend with my ex, but, uh, he ghosted me so? Lol.

10. How do you feel about Dr. Pepper? I love it. I still love it. Lol.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard? I can't remember. I don't think it was that long ago, I had a light cry on Saturday, but I don't remember the last time I cried really hard. When we got back from our trip in July. Had a full on breakdown that night. Overheated all weekend. Overwhelmed. Anxiety. It was not a very good vacation..I cry a lot though.

12. Who took your profile picture? I got it off of google. I did.

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? Umm, either myself, or one of my family members. Aside from myself. I think my dad, on his phone, b/c there was a cicada on his shoulder and he wanted to ask the family group chat if he could keep it. Lol. I take a LOT of pictures of cats though. Lol.

14. Was yesterday better than today? Hail yes! To much drama today! And I couldn't avoid it cause I was in the middle of it! (Oof, what drama was 15 yo Linda dealing with that she couldn’t avoid? Lol. I mean, I guess, Sophomore year was a bit full of drama lol) Anyway, I mean, they were pretty much the same. One wasn’t better than the other. One wasn’t worse than the other.

15. Can you live a day without TV? yeah. Now Music there is something I can't live without! Yep, Do it almost everyday. Sentiments about music remain the same. Lol.

16. Are you upset about anything? Yes. I'm annoyed about something and it's making me upset. (I assume this has something to do with the the drama mentioned earlier lol) Always. Anxiety & depression are a bitch. My rooms a mess & I can’t get myself to clean it. My shelves are still a mess.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? yeah. though i havent really had one yet. I mean, yeah. Even though I haven’t had one last, aside from friendships, but they’re worth it.

18. Are you a bad influence? I hope not. If so, let me know.(again I took M's answer but it's true) Probably. Idk. Lol.

19. Night out or night in? Depends on what's going on and how I feel about it. Night in usually. I do like going out sometimes, but, like, to dinner. Maybe a movie or a show. But, you know, we’ve been in a panini press, the only thing I’ve been comfortable doing is going to dinner (fully vaxxed & masked). But I also prefer staying home anyway. (Like I usually just go to dinner with my family lol)

20. What items could you not go without during the day? my computer. my book. my journal and a pen. My phone. My journal (b/c I write in it every night, as a diary, 14yo Linda wrote stories). Uh. I didn’t take food or drinks into account in the og, so I won’t in those. But, yeah. My phone & journal. I can go a day without my laptop if I need to. (Went the whole trip in July without pulling it out, though maybe that’s not a good example since my anxiety on that trip was so high..) I want to say a book, but I’ve been in a massive reading slump so...I wish I read as much as 15yo Linda did..

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? I don't remember. I think it was myself.(if you want to know, ask me in person) I honestly don’t know. I don’t remember the last time I was in a hospital.

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? "Mrbobbybones: wish ted would finally meet their mother already. geez. get to it. However, I see myself in that character more and more each episode." yeah. That's what it says. It's from Twitter. (Huh? and I can’t even go check b/c my inbox doesn’t go back to 2009 on Twitter?? (I haven’t had my account that long) Wait wait wait just remembered I used to get tweets to my phone as text messages lol)

Facebook messenger: “ Cool” From our group chat. Lol.

From actual text messages on my phone: “ heeey! Just put up the Tuesday PDS just for you it’s a big one.” From Phillip Defranco’s text line Lol.

23. How do you feel about your life right now? I'm loving and hating it. but hey nobody gets out alive right? Uh..I mean. I’m alive. I have WiFi. Food. Family. I haven’t seen my friends in 2 years. (Minus Alex, b/c they were here in July to cat/house sit, but I saw them for like, one night..) There’s a lot that could be better. A lot that could be worse.

24. Do you hate anyone? yes!!! Oof. I mean, kinda.

25. If we were to look in your Facebook Inbox, what would we find? some random conversations. most of my convos on her though have been in chat or through comments. Facebook Inbox is now Facebook Messenger. So you’ll find all my Facebook Messenger convos. Mostly our group chat. And side group chats for secret planning (birthdays & stuff). Plus other chats? Lol.

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? I better! (excuse me miss 15yo Linda you absolutely could have passed a drug test you ALSO didn’t drink or smoke or take any drugs lol) Yeah. Absolutely. I don’t drink or smoke or take any drugs so, yeah? Lol.

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?

Yes. But I can't remember when... Yeah. Pretty sure.

28. What song is stuck in your head? Gee by SNSD(Girls Generation) They're Korean. A few My Chemical Romance songs

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be? EDWARD CULLEN! Joke! lol. No I don't know. If it was Edward, I'd call the cops. whoever it is though better have an explaination or they are gonna get hit in the head with my Book of Shadows. (Maybe I wouldn’t mind Edward at my window though? Lol.) Uh. My friends? Lol. Idk if I want anyone knocking on my window at 2am.

30.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50? I don't know....... Uh. No? Idk. Most likely not gonna happen.

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow? I can't think of anything right now... Eat. Should probably clean my room.

32. Do you think too much or too little? Way to much! lol. Way way way too much

33. Do you smile a lot? i try to. I think I do. I get told that alot in Theater...

I think so

#questions #throwback #is this a get to know me #idk

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drethanramslay · 4 years

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Letters of Love and Longing (6)

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x M!MC (Dev Lennox)

Letters of Love and Longing Masterlist

Requested by @sinner-chan- #75 & #84

Author’s note: So I cried while I was writing this so just keep your tissues on standby. Also, I gained some inspiration form Heather by Conan Gray

Year: 1943 Location: Kasserine Pass, Tunisia

Respected Dr Ethan Ramsey,

I can’t help but laugh at how I can’t get over this formal salutation when you are probably the only person who knows me intimately, both physically and emotionally.

It is true! Absolutely no one knows me for me… No one knows my fears… No one knows how foolish and deadly the words “be yourself” are to a person like me because that could be the very thing that could get me jailed or worse killed. Nobody knows me, Dev Aidan Lennox. Nobody but you.

At first, when I fell in love with you, I almost resented your intrusion.

I was okay with hiding my true self, a homosexual, do you know that? I had made my peace that I would be in a loveless marriage with a wife who will never be satisfied and with kids in a modest suburban in Boston. I had made my peace that this my punishment and that I was just born to suffer. I had made my peace that I would probably die unloved and alone.

But you changed that. And I hate you for it.

You read it right. I hate you. I hate you for seeing right through my misery. I hate you for making me open up to you. I hate you for digging out the part of me that I had kept under lock and key. I hate you for kissing me under the inky skies of Miami. I hate you for all the passionate lovemaking. I hate you for giving me the one thing that I was so afraid of-

Hope.

You gave me hope of a future. You gave me love and affection in a way I had never been acquainted with. You gave me a safe space in you, where I could be my truest self with you.

Your presence to me was like St. Peter’s shadow to those sick men; it healed me, but it made me long for more than the shadow. The thought that you would walk through other cities where I could not follow, filled me with emptiness. But you never once let me get drowned in that emptiness.

We were there for each other through the hardships, through the happiness, through the pain and through the love. For the two of us, home wasn’t a place. Home for us was not mortar, bricks and cement. It was blood, flesh and bones. We were each other’s home. You said those words to me.

But I should have known that you were a liar.

So here I am, back to square one. I am lonely, meant to die alone and go to my grave with my true self as a secret. The only thing different is that I am heartbroken and shattered with no hope whatsoever.

I will never forget that black letter day. The day when I walked into Donahues, to meet you for our regular drink before going back to your home on the hills. It was supposed to be a regular Saturday night. But how the turntables.

She was standing at your arm, looking up at you with similar adoration and starry eyes as I am around you. That would have still been okay because I knew whose bed you would come to and how you didn’t care about other women’s infatuation with you.

But she had a ring on the fourth finger of her left hand.

When I turned to you for an explanation, I saw the impassive mask rather than your handsome smile. The eyes which I could so easily read were ice cold and impenetrable. Your arm wrapped around her waist and you introduced her to me- your fiancée.

I have never been a person who hated anyone. I was not one for jealousy either but at that moment… I just wish she were dead. And I was at your arm rather than her. I wished the world wasn’t so harsh and I wished that you would man up and love me.

A part of me silently pleaded that you would leave her and come with me. I know you could see it in my eyes how I was two seconds away from getting down to my knees and begging.

But you didn’t. You didn’t say anything. It was your silence that broke me. It was your silence that completely and utterly shattered me.

Congrats Dr. Ethan Jonah Ramsey, you broke me. You will get over it, oh I know you will. You will stick that stony facade on your face as you say “I do” at the altar. You will convince yourself that you love her and those three special words which were meant for me will be your new mantra to keep her happy and unsuspicious. You will grow old, have three kids who have the same brilliant blue eyes like yours. You will continue to make major breakthroughs in medicine and probably get awards for it. You will be sad but satiated.

You will move on. But I won’t because I am catastrophically in love with you. And I am such a buffoon Ethan that I will never, not in a thousand tragic outcomes, ever regret loving you.

I have a serious affliction: loving you forever.

Guess that is one of the other things I will be carrying to my grave, eh?

I am stationed in Kasserine pass which people have dubbed as death’s doorstep. I don’t see much chances of survival since we are lacking in preparation and resources. So when you get this letter, I might be gone… forever. I think of it as a blessing because a life without you isn’t a life worth living. I see it as a mercy.

I have lived a good life. I have had the privilege to get your love so I am not afraid to die. So, thank you.

I honestly don’t know the purpose of this letter when I am never going to read your reply. But I guess it is better that way for they say, ignorance is bliss. Because if I were to hear from you, my hopes would escalate and I can’t bear that.

I won’t be able to survive that.

I have said my piece so I hope it can give me the contentment that I have craved all my life in my dying hour. But I want you to know that it is your face I will see and your lips that I will feel when I breathe my last.

I wish you the best of everything, my love.

Yours forever,

Dev.

See, I don't want to be a dick but Dev succumbed to his injuries and passed away😭😭😭 6500 Americans out of 30000 Americans passed away. It was a tactical attack causing Germany to win and it didn't help that the Americans weren't prepared AT ALL.

And it it true that an homosexuals suffered during that time period. In Britain alone 49000 homosexuals died because of the sexual identity, be it imprisonment or chemical castration via hormone therapy. So you get it why it happened that way.

This was something completely new for me and i hope you like it 💓 I would definitely wanna dive into Ethan x M!MC in the future 😊

Tagging separately

#anushka writes #ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #ethan x m!mc #open heart #ethan ramsey x mc #playchoices #pixelberry

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youarejesting · 4 years

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Quarantine.70

[Masterlist]

Beta: N/A Pairing: BTS x reader Friends2Lovers Genres: friendship, drama, romance SLOWEST OF BURNS. until the anticipation kills us all… Rating: PG-13 and above Summary: Your brother works with a few BigHit dance teams and whilst having permission to accompany him at work the city shuts down banning anyone from stepping outside for a whole WEEK while they disinfect the streets. If you step outside you might get arrested, shot, or poisoned by the chemicals they are emitting through the city. Words: 1.3k Announcement: This is the end of this Arc we have an interlude and then the final ARC begins there is a great deal of events I am so excited to write about so stay tuned

[Part 1] [Part 69] [Part 71] [Tag Yourself Here]

Mister Dong walked you to the elevator and you took out your phone and began recording hoping to catch a confession to use against him. “Did you tip off the press?”

“Not me, But it happened at the right time, someone else ratted on you, before you could affect the boys career.” He sneered

“You're an asshole, you know that right, I perpetually hate you,” you smiled at him as you got into his car. “The anger is bubbling inside me and I hope you know I won’t go down without a fight”

“I know, that’s why I have an ultimatum, you leave for good from South Korea and take this money and I will let your brother and Areum keep their jobs” he smirked, “think about that.”

“So you're threatening me and my family, that if I don’t leave the country you will fire my brother and his girlfriend?” You were beyond furious with the man, what the hell did he think he was doing, why was he trying to sabotage the boys and yourself. What the hell did he gain? The more you pondered the more you wondered if he was actually working for another company.

He pulled up outside your brother's home and you stepped out phone ringing. Answering you gave mister Dong the finger as he left in his car. “Hello Mal-chin are you okay?”

“Are you okay?” His voice was shaking, he sounded close to tears but not from sadness, he almost sounded like he was in shock “that article, I just saw it. It's from my dad's Pen name. He is a reporter. I didn’t think he would do something like this, I am so sorry?”

“It’s okay, I hated being treated like some kind of saint and getting awards, whilst keeping such a big thing a secret” There really was something freeing about finally getting the judgement you deserved.

“You don’t hate me?” His voice was so tiny and unsure, you smiled softly, no longer feeling the weight on your shoulders but you felt a little sick. Sick that he had to deal with the negative sides of his father's work.

“No I don’t hate you” you sighed, phone buzzing, “I have to go I have another call”

“Hey, Y/n, don’t worry, we have just posted the official article about what happened. The new report says our officers are responsible for shooting the man and you were just present we spun the story a little to pardon you from the limelight”

“I am sending a statement, read it and memorise it if any reporters ask you to tell them exactly what is written” you agreed and quickly hung up.

“I was there, with former captain Won-shik and his team, mister Kim Seokjin and we had just rescued Jeon Jungkook, who had been taken by Mister Choi’s people we were heading back in a peaceful rescue mission to retrieve him when we ran straight into Mister Choi he held a gun to Seokjin’s head and told us to stay back. As we were trying to negotiate I got to close and he shot me in the leg while the soldier shot him before he could kill anyone else” You mumbled it felt a little like a lie but the officer on the phone said you were working with Major Won-shik and a part of the team so they consider you in that moment a soldier and are keeping it ambiguous.

Thanking that you had a spare key to your brothers new house, you headed inside and took a seat on the couch. Jungkook facetimed you, you could see him and Taehyung sitting on the couch in the living room. “Can you sneak over?”

“Not tonight boys, Mister Dong has banned me from seeing you. He is threatening Areum and Thomas’ jobs, I am wondering what I should do?”

“What do you mean wondering?” Yoongi hissed snatching the phone and looking at you through the screen. “If you are even contemplating it then clearly we are dispensable and you should just leave”

“Woah Yoongi that is harsh,” Hoseok said as Jimin tried to calm him down. “We all were contemplating quitting for her and she isn’t thinking the same way?” “Listen if it was my job on the line I would, but it is my brothers and his girlfriend. I would never kill someone to save myself’

“That’s funny, the news says you would” He spat, throwing the phone onto the couch you assumed he left judging by the others calling out his name, Taehyung called your name but you hung up.

Everyone was too stressed but that was such a childish way to handle the situation. You called your brother, hoping the three of you could come to a decision. Needless to say the two refused to let you sacrifice your happiness for their jobs.

It had been almost an entire week since you had spoken to the boys, of course they texted you and you texted politely back but you were working through things. Mostly paperwork with Doctor Chang at his little clinic and your liaison with the Korean army was Major Won-shik who was filing the paperwork and you were given a full military scholarship to be Doctor Changs apprentice.

Finally on the friday you were meeting Wendy and Mal-chin after work the three of you were having a wonderful time, eating frozen yoghurt and window shopping, Mal-chin's hair was still so long and you couldn’t see his eyes.

“Hey do you want me to get you an appointment for a haircut?” He didn’t seem to like that idea as in a split second he blanched before trying to tame his expression. “No, it’s okay if you don’t want to, do you want me to pin your hair out of your eyes?”

He nodded and looked up at you softly letting you move his hair to the side retrieving a pin from your hair you frowned, “I only have a little bow clip, is that okay?”

“It will be fine, I don’t know anyone here besides you two. Just don’t make me look silly.” He smiled and you placed them into his hair. He checked his reflection and deemed it appropriate before you each continued on.

“Let’s have some dinner” The three of you had dinner and you walked Mal-chin to the train where he returned the clip.

“Thank you for letting me borrow it” He smiled, “I just don’t want to cut my hair yet, a lot of guys my age have long hair so I want to fit in and make friends”

“I get it, try all these fun things, while you're young, it’s just hair and you have the rest of your life to change how it looks and the colour--” Cut off by a big hug your last words a wheeze.

“Thank you for everything, for just being here even though my dad…” He sniffed eyes watering and he wiped it on the corner of his dress coat sleeve. “If ever you need anything, I will help however I can”

“Well actually, I know your dad is a good reporter, perhaps we can do business, I have someone I want him to look into”

The meeting was called at the end of the week, on Saturday and officially your name was cleared. There wasn’t much to do that morning, Wendy and Mal-chin had already helped pick out a business outfit, ‘something powerful like the girls in Kdrama’s’ Mal-chin had proposed when you presented them with the challenge of appropriate attire.

So here you were feeling bad ass with some heels and it had taken a long time to be able to walk in them again and tight black business pants and a deep purple v neck with cap sleeves. You had your nails and hair done as a group, Mal-chin obviously sitting out when it came to the salon but sporting a navy nail polish.

But you were ready and you meant business, this was going to be one meeting they wouldn’t forget for a long time. Because you had information they didn’t know about Mister Dong.

[Part 1] [Part 69] [Part 71] [Tag Yourself Here]

Tags: @theneverdays @hi-itstt @bubbletae7 @lovemusicandotps @taetaebq @w0lfqu33n @anaiss97 @moccahobi @maddymal @lilacdreams-00 @lethargicalyssa @knjkitten @pieislife @kthstrawberryshortcake @vividwoosan @seesawsmin-flower @tinyunknownflower @gguksfilter @fawnzilla @passionate-love-57911 @btrombley13 @novaprime-59 @hd-junglebook @infiredsunflower @take-u-2-an0ther-w0r1d @simplymemyself @pars-ley @juanitapatricia @unicornnomore @moments-of-melancholy @tatastaetae

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kirstinmaldonado · 4 years

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CHAPTER EIGHT 2.0

>>Delayed post because birthday week had all the friend surprises and snuggles and I got a bit distracted but…still wanted to post<<

It’s my birthdayyyy week~! My biiiiiiirthday week!

The dreaded time has come? The anticipated event is here? Honestly 28 felt so far away for quite some time, I’m kinda in denial that one, it’s May already and two, I’m going to be 28 this Saturday!!

So far I’ve been filling the week with cuddles, some friends and family calls, and oooo another BESTIE PRODUCTIONS vid?!? We had planned on releasing earlier, but why the rush? Why take the joy out of creating for fun by setting deadlines that don’t really matter?

Anyway, we hope you love it! It’s always important to unite and spread some relatable cheer especially in such a divisive climate! More on that coming…I don’t mean to do it but…soon. Lots of moving parts and our lives are picking up in different and amazing ways but we still hope to get it out!

Phew. No hashtags here! ;)

So many events happened over the last few days, good and bad! Some even that I am disappointed in, ashamed of, or at a loss for. But! This week is all about self-care! I’ll save the heavy for another time. ;)

Self-care, in its many facets, is so important! Self-care is making healthy food choices to nurture your body so it can be at optimal output. Self-care is strengthening and nourishing your mind by learning something new, doing a hobby you love, meditating, or just purely relaxing. It’s having the awareness to say no when you don’t want to do something or you know the adverse is better for you. Really, self-care is ALL ABOUT YOU!

Biggest of all, self-care is NOT selfish! Everyone needs to be self-aware and know when to take some personal time. Everyone decompresses in different ways. Sometimes that’s choosing an introverted quiet night as opposed to an extroverted one, or splurging on something to make you feel special, or baking way too many cupcakes and eating also way too many (if you’re me, ha)!!

With all the rushing around and intensity we’ve trained our minds and bodies to endure, with all the added stress of not even wanting, but NEEDING to succeed and flourish, that self-care dwindles. Sometimes it feels like you have to put YOU aside because everything else is so overwhelming!

I remember in the past thinking that skin-care took such a loooong time and felt not worth it. My skin (thank you, Mother) was pretty damn flawless for how (wrongly) I’d been taking care of it, so why bother?

That was before I met my sweet Klara!! And while my skin wasn’t in desperate emergency levels of fixing, she reminded me that pre-meditative care is crucial and so is slowing down and taking the time for myself!

Klara and I met years ago when I was in NYC looking for a lash lift. Pentatonix had just started taking off and just recently Klara had opened her own med-spa in the city. We bonded instantly and have been friends ever since!!

Meanwhile, if you live in NYC and want the best lash lift ever, ya gotta go to Klara, HANDS DOWN!

Every time Pentatonix would be in NYC, I would go visit her. Even if I didn’t need anything done or didn’t have the time, I would stop in and say hello because that is the type of beautiful energy she is! And slowly, we began growing together!

I love my friendship with her because not only did she love on my eyelashes, skin, face, etc and teach me how to do the same at home, but she’s been there through the last six or so years of my life! I have transformed into a much more self-aware, happier, and self-comfortable person and I treasure her sincerity, compassion, and late night chats so so much!!

Although I don’t get to see Klara all the time as she is based in NYC, I always have other forms of self-care in a similar vein. As we all know, Covid has shut down pretty much all forms of outside self-care treatments, although someone should tell the people in charge that self-care is essential, eh?!

I kid. Jokes aside, I miss relaxing my body and mind to a caregiver. I miss getting my hair done, getting a mani-pedi, tanning, and getting a massage! I miss that “treat yo self” feeling, and drinking champagne while doing them all, ha!

So, for my birthday week, I wanted to share with you a fun DIY self-care facial curated by Klara herself! My chin has been OUT OF CONTROL and colonizing a little zit farm, so freshening up before my big day (inside lol) felt perfect!!

Since she initially sent me this, she has curated a NEW personalized facial package that she will guide you through on Zoom, but regardless she is an angel for all your skin questions and needs!

>>By the way now that this is posted a week later…my skin has NO JOKE been FLAWLESS! Klara is still a queen for the win but also loving on your face and listening to what it needs also FTW<<

So here I am au natural, pre-peel!!

ONE. PREPARE YOUR STATION! PUT NICE MUSIC ON, A CANDLE, WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO PROMOTE A RELAXING VIBE! HAVE A CLEAN COUNTER WHERE YOU CAN PLACE THE DENTAL BIB AND LAY EVERYTHING OUT!

TWO. WASH YOUR HANDS! ;)

THREE. USE JAR #1 WITH FIRST CLEANSER, ADD WATER, FOAM, BE PRECISE AROUND JAW AND EARS ETC, RINSE, PAT DRY.

FOUR. REPEAT THE SAME WITH JAR WITH CLEANSER #2 (THE CREAM, IT WILL NOT FOAM) RINSE AND DRY

>>Already my face is feeling much softer!<<

FIVE. POUR THE MINI CHEMICAL PEEL (VIAL #3) ONTO COTTON PAD, WIPE WHOLE FACE GENTLY! I EXPERIENCED THE TINGLING AND EEE YES MY FACE GOT RED, BUT NOTHING MAJOR! LEAVE ON FOR 3/5 MIN!

SIX. USE JAR #4 (GLYCOLIC CLEANSER), RINSE AND DRY.

SEVEN. THEN APPLY SERUMS (JUST FEW DROPS) ALL OVER THE FACE

EIGHT. MASQUE FOR 10 MIN.

NINE. MOISTURIZE!

HAPPY GIRL! I felt AMAZING, y’all!!

You can check out Klara’s ZOOM FACIAL PACKAGE here and on social media outlets! And I am NOT kidding, my skin was SO SOFT!!! I felt less bumpy, less exposed! And it’s stayed like that too!

This little self-love moment put me in the perfect headspace for a birthday weekend, especially when that weekend was not according to plan! Life is about continuously adapting, taking what you have in front of you, and trying to make the best of the situations you are presented! You can only control so much! So why not focus on positivity?

I was so thankful for this little pick me up that made me feel good about being in my skin, something I’ve struggled on and off with the entire rest of quarantine! But overall I am SO thankful for how special my friends, my boyfriend, my family, YOU GUYS all made me feel! I didn’t feel devoid of any of your love and care. And thank you so much for that!!!

28 has started out so special in some (feeling) unspecial circumstances. I will always rise and fall and even have so far in these mere hours of 28! But I am so happy for your support. Just remember to always support yourself too!

So on that note, I hope you find time before the month is done for some EXTRA self-care!!!

And happy 3 years to Break a Little <3

Love you all!

#blog 2.0 #self-care

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callmeblake · 5 years

Photo

Frank Iero, New York, NY, June 2019 (X)

Aug 29, 2019, 09:10am

Frank Iero May Just Be His Own Puppet Master

Photo Credit: Audrey Lew

Interview below the cut

Derek Scancarelli

Contributor

Hollywood & Entertainment

I am a music journalist living in New York City.

Frank Iero is breathing deeply and fighting off nausea. This isn’t uncommon for the 37-year-old guitarist and vocalist, given his predilection for debilitating anxiety. But on this occasion, it isn’t pre-show jitters.

“Oh my god, I hate this f*cking boat,” Iero says, as the docked vessel on which he sits knocks against a pier in the Lower East Side of Manhattan. Iero and his band, The Future Violents, just finished an intimate Saturday matinee show as fans sweat, sang and caught a glimpse of the Statue of Liberty.

It had been about 16 years since Iero and his now defunct band, My Chemical Romance (the band broke up in 2013), first performed on water. In July of 2002, the band released its debut album, I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love. In October of 2003, the soon-to-be emo heroes performed alongside New York Hardcore legends Sick Of It All at an aquatic gig booked by New Jersey college radio station WSOU. And in June of 2004, My Chemical Romance released Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, the band’s platinum-selling breakthrough record. In a matter of two years, Iero’s life changed dramatically.

In 2019, Iero still hasn’t found his sea legs, but a lot more has changed. He’s fathered three children, released three full-length solo records (including 2019’s Barriers), and survived a near-death experience. And as he gets older, he finds truth in life’s greatest clichés.

“Time flies, it just screams by,” Iero says. “You think you’re appreciating the time, but it’s easy to take it for granted. It’s a shame.”

But Iero is trying his hardest to pay attention to the little things, especially when it comes to family. He and his wife, Jamia, have three children together: nine-year-old twin daughters, Cherry and Lily, and a seven-year-old son named Miles.

“It’s wonderful to see them evolve and come into their own,” Iero says. “But it’s funny how personalities are innate. We shape the way they experience things or teach them the ropes, but for the most part, I’ve found that we are who we are when we’re born.”

From the start, Iero has seen an even split in the twins’ personalities. Cherry, he says, most behaves like her mother, whereas Lily possesses her father’s attitude.

“Some of the sh*t I hear coming out of my daughter's mouth,” Iero says laughing. “My God! It’s stuff I think but never say — they don't know to be ashamed yet! It's amazing and honest and pure. And I know exactly where she's coming from because I feel the same way.”

As part of fostering a relationship of trust and honesty, Iero has been age-appropriately transparent with his kids about the 2016 accident that almost killed him, his brother-in-law and guitarist Evan Nestor and his manager Paul Clegg.

While unloading gear from their van in Sydney, Australia, a city bus crashed into the group and their vehicle. In a 2017 interview with MTV, Iero recounted, in vivid detail, the moment he was dragged underneath the bumper of the bus, the screams of his brother-in-law, and the blood pooling from his manager.

Although Iero was able to walk into an ambulance carrying one of his friends, the scene was a spectacle overrun with emergency personnel — they even landed a rescue helicopter in nearby Hyde Park. Despite serious injuries, amazingly, there were no fatalities.

When Iero returned home from the hospital, he explained to his children that he was in a car accident, but that it was a singular freak incident.

“You don't want to lie,” he says. “They're getting older. Their friends and their parents are on the internet. They're asking questions. It does get back to them.”

Iero was as honest as possible, but avoided any gory details. He was also conscious that it wouldn’t be long before he would travel for work again — and he didn’t want to scare his kids any further.

Almost four years later, residual damage from the crash is impossible to ignore. Nestor has nerve damage in his leg that may never be corrected. Clegg’s leg and knee have undergone multiple surgeries, but are in poor shape. And Iero still has a tear in his shoulder that hurts every time he plays the guitar. Despite the pain, he’s afraid to undergo surgery.

“I was lucky enough to walk away and still play,” Iero says. “If I were to test fate again and go under the knife, if something were to go wrong… to let that be taken from me … no, I can't.”

On some days, the emotional toll of surviving such a traumatic accident weighs more heavily. Iero describes his recovery as non-linear: some days he feels collected and in control, other days the memory rushes back into his mind.

After his new band finished recording Barriers, Iero and his team went back to Australia for appointments pertaining to the accident and corresponding litigation. As soon as he exited the plane, Iero felt like he’d returned to the horrific scene. For the following week, he was barraged by an unending state of panic.

“You go through these instances of PTSD,” he says. “You never know what's going to trigger and send you all the way back to the beginning with recovery.”

Iero greatly underestimated how difficult his return to Australia would be. When navigating to a doctor’s office near where the accident occurred, he couldn’t bring himself to walk down the street. And suddenly, he felt surrounded by buses.

“I don't know if this is true,” he says. “But it felt like every other car on the street was one of these f*cking buses. They were everywhere. It was frightening. I couldn't do anything. I was shaking like a leaf.”

Despite the traumatic flashbacks, Iero continues to reflect on that day. In the promotional run for Barriers, he discussed the accident at length. And on the record itself, he addresses the complicated ripple effect it’s had on his entire sense of self.

“I don't think it needs to define me,” Iero says. “But it was something I needed to talk about on this record. It's not something I could sweep under the rug. But do I want to dwell on it every day and relive it? No. But I think about it constantly. I feel the pain constantly. It's on my mind.”

In recent interviews, Iero has tended to frame a few philosophical takeaways from his ordeal. In simple terms, the first idea is that he’s found a new lease on life — that everything happens for a reason and he’s been given an opportunity to seize the day. The second philosophy is much darker, a sort of survivor’s guilt compounded with fear and existential dread. The third and most abstract consideration is closest to Simulation Theory — where Iero has the ability to control his own artificial timeline.

Sometimes, Iero questions if actually died that day. He wonders: Is this all real?

“It’s hard. No one can tell you what to believe,” he says. “But you come to this realization, ‘Well, this is real to me, the hand I was dealt, so I have to make the best of it!’”

Through the acceptance of uncertainty, Iero surmises that he just may be his own puppet master.

“If this is a figment of my imagination,” Iero says. “If this is all in my head, then I am the master of my own destiny. If I want to do something, I can manufacture it. And if it's not the case, then at least it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe putting positive vibes out into the universe is beneficial. If we didn't make it and we're just going through this weird labyrinth in my mind, I can do anything I want.”

And lately, he’s been doing just that. Call it sorcery or the power of positive thinking, but Iero is motivated. For Barriers, he was able to assemble a dream band, The Future Violents (different lineups of his backing band have previously gone by The Cellabration and The Patience), featuring his brother-in-law Nestor on guitar, Thursday’s Tucker Rule on drums, Murder by Death’s Matt Armstrong on bass, and Kayleigh Goldsworthy on keyboard.

The theme of the album — and his own internal dialogue — mostly relates to tragedy and timing. Did the universe have a course set out for him? Or was he just some random victim?

“The crazy thing is that you didn't do anything wrong,” Iero says of the accident. “Yet, all of this stuff was taken from you and you have to make these decisions. You get angry a lot.”

He continues: “These random, abrupt, violent actions. Do they happen to us? Or for us? I wouldn't have been able to make this record if it didn't happen. And it made me realize a lot of things about myself. Am I happy it happened? No. But I'm happy where I am right now.”

Iero views Barriers as an exercise in vulnerability. If the aftermath of his accident taught him anything, it’s that success was meaningless to his character, but adversity helped him grow. For the first time, addressing childhood trauma helped Iero expose himself in a way that felt freeing.

“When you put something to song, it gives that memory weight,” Iero explains. “If you never talk about it, it's almost like it didn't happen. There's a fine line between relinquishing that power to this memory, situation or trauma, or holding that power over it and creating your own narrative from it.”

Barriers also intertwines Iero’s childhood experiences with his current perspective as a father. This go around, he felt comfortable writing about his parents’ divorce — the couple split when he was three and divorced when he was seven.

He looks back on the unpleasantness of the process and his consequential understanding of his mother’s issues with addiction, depression and mental illness. On his 2016 record, Parachutes, Iero first referenced his mother’s struggles and his own liability to inherit her traits. He’s still horrified by the idea of predeterminism.

“When you're a young kid being surrounded with it, it doesn't feel right,” Iero says. “You're not happy. You're scared. You're constantly concerned for your parent. It’s almost as if you become the caregiver.”

He continues: “Then you see yourself falling into these patterns that you were witness to and maybe in a roundabout way were taught. That addiction, that depression, runs through you. It's easy to fall off that cliff. I don't want that for my kids and I need to stop this cycle. Like this sh*t stops with me. Whether it be I get okay, or I f*cking turn my lights out.”

It’s this sort of tongue-in-cheek use of concerning language that keeps Iero’s fanbase enthralled, yet somewhat on edge. Take for example, in the comment section for his video “Young & Doomed,” some diehard fans are troubled by his repeated use of the words “hurt myself again.” While he’s surprised to hear about the response, he counters that the record is ultimately meant to feel uplifting and positive, even if addressing dark topics.

“I don't think that we should strive for perfection,” Iero says. “This idea that we should all have this perfect life and be pretty and purse our lips to post a picture on social media is bullsh*t. The things that make us unique are important.”

He continues: “Sometimes we're our own worst enemies and we hurt ourselves. Those scars, though, are important. They're beautiful. ‘Young And Doomed’ is a call to arms to celebrate the things people think are wrong with us.”

Now, Iero just hopes his story and music inspire fans to try, fail and try again.

“You don't find out who you are unless you get a scar and get hurt,” Iero says. “You should be hurt, hurt other people, and learn that it feels terrible to hurt someone else. You should feel sorry for it and make amends for it. These are important lessons to be a better person. You find out who you truly are by attacking things that scare you the most.”

Frank Iero is currently touring Europe with Laura Jane Grace & The Devouring Mothers.

#frank iero #august 2019 #forbes #audrey lew #red eagle shirt #all blue #october 2019 #bus crash #navy blue tiger windbreaker

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dise7se · 4 years

Text

you can’t make a mistake (on these kind of ice skates)

by spideysforce

It begins like this: MJ and Ned show up to his and May’s apartment first thing in the morning, their incessant knocking on the front door with ushered whispers, “Peter!” followed by even more knocking. HIs heart is beating fast and he gets out of bed, whispering-shouting back at his friends to not wake Aunt May up.

Regrettably, they do wake Aunt May up at 7AM on her Saturday morning off after working 9 shifts in a row at the hospital. May still pulls Ned and MJ into the apartment, telling them she missed them, hugging them good morning and giving Peter the glare for not opening the door sooner. She may be allowing the squad to venture off on their own the winter break of their senior year, but she lays down the ground rules for their trip to the mountains outside of the city, streaked with frozen lakes they’ll venture out to skate in; She expects no blood, no blunt traumas, death, or ice all over the floor of the car.

He felt like a little kid ten years ago, a couple of years living with Aunt May and Uncle Ben. He had recently become accustomed to living with them, they began their own traditions. After celebrating Hanukkah and when Peter got out of school for the new year, they would drive out to the mountains to sit in scenic view parking lots, an early morning radio playing exclusive MET players in winter leagues content from their practices. May would set up the trunk, and they’d all squeeze in with the door propped open, huddling close and watching the trees sway. It was breathtaking; Ben usually stood too close to rocky cliffs to capture the perfect photo, propping him up on his shoulders to get the higher angle he couldn’t score himself. The same excited feeling from the night before, the excitement and him not being able to sleep, his stomach does leaps while he watches his friends tow their bags in. It was a meteorshower visible in the night sky, digging his fingers into fresh dirt in the spring, the first snowfall of the season.

“May, are you sure you can’t come with?” Peter asks once more, slouching and pouting his lips. He needs to raise the dramatics, she’s the best ice skater he knows.

“Sorry, baby. It’s my day off, and you three deserve your own fun little trip.” She fastens his puffy jacket on, zipping it up to the top, yet never snagging his chin. He groans once he catches MJ hiding a laugh behind her hand.

“You two are next,” May smiles in a knowing way, “don’t you think I’m going to let my kids go outside in the freezing cold with their jackets unzipped.”

“Of course, Aunt May,” Ned replies with his manners by the Leeds family never failing, standing happily besides Peter and chewing on his morning bagel. MJ sips on her coffee, grabbing Peter’s blue and white snowflake-knitted hat with a pom pom on the top.

“Please, no, MJ,” Peter complains, shaking his head to dodge the hat in her hand, May turning her gaze to Ned and huffing about kids, when Ned shrugs in agreement. “Seriously, you’re messing up my hair that I work so hard to naturally stay this luscious and wavy.”

“You know who you sound like?”

May turns to Peter to give him a very pointed look with a raised eyebrow, and he knows exactly where this is going. “Just like Tony. Always worrying about the hair, the sunglasses, how muscular you look in the Spidey suit.”

“May,” Peter shrieks, his face turning scarlet red while the room erupts into laughter from his friends who are totally betraying him right now. “That was one time in front of the mirror! Don’t get me wrong, I am very muscular in the suit, but you can’t just--”

“Can you just finish putting your hat on and get out of here already, go take your film photos for your photography project,” May presses a kiss to his forehead, gasping and taking a step once she realizes she needs to stay on the tip of her toes to reach him.

“Yes, May,” he says mildly, “ice skating, photos, and back home. No shenanigans.”

With that, she ushers the three of them to the door, reminding them no web fluid experiments in the middle of the woods, skating where they aren’t allowed, or no fighting unsolicited sea monsters, or any monsters at all like last summer. She exhales, her shoulders slumping and she’s giving him the same look that Happy and Tony give him before their spontaneous lectures, notorious anecdotes included. She says more ‘love you’s, sending them on their way.

---

MJ, Peter, and Ned drive May’s 1989 Revolvo outside of the city, taking the open highway to the mountains about an hour out. Peter took the driver’s seat, Ned in the front, and MJ opting to sit in the back with all their skating equipment. The car is full of laughter, music, and chattering in their ears on the drive to the lake, in true Peter Parker ADHD style, MJ and Ned Facetiming Flash and Betty, asking them to meet them on their hike.

The first thing he notices that gives him butterflies is MJ rolling the window down the second they reach the George Washington bridge, letting her curly hair- that usually smells like coconut oil and shea butter- sweep through the wind. His stomach flutters, watching her through the rearview mirror with a wide grin splat across his face, a laughter probably bubbling in her chest like his and Ned’s are full of.

As if his big, doey heart eyes aren’t big enough, he finds Uncle Ben’s old film camera he gifted to Peter secure around her neck, snapping photos across the moving bridge. Of the sky, of him, of Ned, the car besides them on the right that honks angrily at them. He hastily laughs, asking her to get back inside the car before her face freezes.

Why is his heart beating so fast? Why is he beaming so hard at his best friend beside him, pretending to reprimand his best friend in the back of the car?

Once they’re outside of the city, Ned passes a stick of gum to each of them the moment their ears pop from the change in pressure. They argued the entire way about their school advisors, not really knowing what to do next on their way to college. They all remind him of himself in their own way, and he’s starting to miss them already. MJ wants to study law and criminology, with a forensic biology minor. After Ned graduates he wants to study computer engineering, and Peter wishes he was so sure of himself like they were.

He doesn’t offer much.

It’s fine, because his friends have been helping him figure it out, hence them pushing him to apply to this photography scholarship and contest. Every time he dares to bring up a double major in STEM and photography, his advisors laugh in his face and shut him down. They make it nearly impossible to talk, but his friends are there for him and remind him he can go at his own pace, reminding him he has his alter-ego to worry about.

Peter pulls the car off into a dirt road, surprised he even knows how to drive as a Queens dweller. They follow a path, Ned gripping onto his door handle. “Oh, G-d, Peter. Be careful! Look, there’s a squirrel!”

“Ned,” he gulps, Michelle smirking at their cowardice from the backseat of the car.

“Come on, it’s just dirt,” she suggests, and quirks her brow from an idea. Once the car is silent besides the lowered music, she jumps out and yells in Ned’s ear to watch out.

He jumps, yelling, “that isn’t cool!” and throws something back at her while Peter finds a spot on the side of the mountain. He slams on the brakes to shut them up, their petulant arguing coming to an end once they see the scenic rest stop.

As promised, his friends let him push them around and guide them like cattle to get the perfect shots. He crouches across the parking lot away from them, hearing their hushed whispers and laughters about how ridiculous he looks. “It’s for the aesthetic, okay!”

He opts for the colored film, replacing the entire roll of 50 they used just on the drive here. He shuts the back of the film camera, reeling the film roll until it catches, and finds the perfect shot of his friends whispering and slowly becomes entranced by the actual scenic view. He captures the sky from a new perspective, blocking out all of his surroundings.

He shows his friends the sky, he shows them the car headlights shining on their hearts, and the sun shining on their faces. He captures the muddled sunshine through Michelle’s curls, a blush forming on her face from the camera being too close along with Peter holding it.

His heart skips a beat every time he photographs Michelle, finding a new beautiful thing about her to be lovestruck over.

He takes portraits of the both of his best friends, planning on printing all of these photos 100 times to hang them in his room, to give to them, and to place all over the photography critique and display wall. He sat on the cold gravel road and his friends had to dust him off. His photos look how he feels swinging off of buildings at night, finding one billboard sign, like outside of Matt’s apartment that illuminates the entire block in oversaturated neons. There weren’t iron bars and concrete filling the frame like his photos from the city, it was green trees with branches draping above them, brushing across their faces, a palette of turquoise, grays, and greens.

Peter brought color into the achromatic, washed out world.

There was a photograph he knew he was going to print to become poster-sized, the subject blown up huge because he wanted to reach out into the photo itself, not yet developed. He imagines his hands in the chemical infested waters, bleach and fixer pouring down his hands.

Ned and MJ both hang their abdomens off of the large metal railing, rockfall barriers they wrap around, the mountains blurred horizontally in the back. MJ’s hair carefully drapes over the edge of the railing, blowing in the wind. Ned stares past him, suspended in air right behind Michelle. The bars are set impossibly straight, but MJ and Ned’s body destroy the thirds in a beautiful, alluring way. Their arms dared to swing over the edge of the mountainside, throwing them into the flesh if the barred metal wasn’t holding them. Too close to the edge, too close to the sky.

“I got it,” he pants, unbelievably bashed at the one click of the shutter. The focal point is always set to 50mm and an aperture of 1.8.

It was like chemistry, physics, it was Murphy’s Law; Whatever can happen in his film roll, will happen.

He lowers the camera down from his face, MJ and Ned already out of there poses, he finds them smiling at him.

---

As promised in an unsaid way, MJ, Ned, and Peter cling onto each other to get the hang of skating. They each hurt themselves at least once quickly leaning over to lace their own skates leaning out of the car, parking nearby the lake and hiking across the icy-snow to get to the icy lake. The area is empty, and the mountains hover above them through the trees, sending a chill their way.

Not before long after testing the ice themselves and deeming it safe by the signs, they’re gliding along the icy lake and pulling each other down in each desperate tug to stay upright.

Ned points out, “I thought you were good at ice-skating! You’re Spider-Man!”

“Exactly!” he shrieks back, his left leg gliding in front of him causing him to flail his arms to find balance. “I web-swing! I don’t ice skate for a reason.”

Peter clears his throat, gliding over to MJ who watches Ned with a relaxed smile while he skates around the perimeter. Out of the three of them, he picks skating up the quickest, naturally fleeting over the ice with precision. “It’s not nice to hover, you know.”

He whips his head to the side to look at her, his ADHD brain reminding him it’s a joke and she’s messing with him before he falls into his own spiral of self-doubt. He smiles at her, her beige puffy coat covering her chin and she smiles into the enclosed space, looking up at him. Her hands are in her pocket, and he reaches playfully to warm his own hands up in the jacket.

“Uh, so--” he clears his throat, “it’s so cold out, right? I mean, the temperature is around freezing and we spent an hour in the mountains--”

“Yep, cold.”

“I had a lot of fun, like, I know we’re best friends and all and I’d do anything for you guys, but what you both did-- I got the perfect shot. I really did it,” he talks lamely, wondering how he still stumbles over his words around his crush he kissed in Europe. “You know, I’m probably just.. I think I’ll go take more pictures? I’ve never felt so alive and nostalgic taking pictures, and like Uncle Ben used to tell me-- Okay, I can’t take you looking at me like this.”

Amused, MJ smiles with his face too close to hers while they share body heat, hitching her shoulders. “You know I can hear your inner monologue, right?”

“It’s just-- you know, we’re hanging out. It’s not totally lame with me ruining it, we can forget this happened..”

She leans forward, leaning her forehead to his. “Do we have a reason not to?”

Right, yeah. They can do this, he thinks.

The feelings between them are confusing, and even though they’ve kissed, that was probably just a spur-of-the-moment thing, right? He did save her life and their friends, they were scared. And holding hands? That’s what all friends do--

His brain almost can’t process this all at once, and he thinks his cheeks can’t redden even more despite the cold and he’s sure she can see the tip of his ears burning pink--

He scrambles, nearly reeling back in the ice when she plants a kiss on his cheek. Her grin is huge, and she gently takes his hands out of her pockets and skates away, his heart rate struggles and he thinks this is how he’ll faint. From tachycardia.

Ned’s voice fills overhead, and he grabs his camera from the side of the frozen lake to join them again. Persistent chills run down his spine, the misty freeze coming from the ground. They let Peter stand in the middle, lacing their hands together to skate in a chain, disastrously. It was at this moment the teenagers truly regretted not taking skating in Central Park seriously until last year, their skills unabashedly catastrophic, giving it up after they realized they can celebrate winter break inside, baking for everyone in the apartment building.

The three of them realized Peter has his web-shooters equipped to their wrists when Ned clung onto him, nearly slipping and he tugged him up, and in their laughter released a web that shot into the snow across the lake. They stoof, starstruck, and could anyone blame them and their impulsivity? And so, what had started as simple skating to shoot film, documenting their lives beyond a surface-level way.

Ned retreats back to the sidelines, sitting a few feet away in the car on the side after skating for nearly an hour. The three of them pant in exhaustion, massaging their own limbs and stretching. Michelle attempted a jump on the ice while he went to go check on Ned, screeching and landing in an almost-split.

He decided to keep quiet about the slight buzz that begins forming at the back of his head, crediting it to nearly slipping every five seconds on the ice.

“Come take a break with me, I’m about to eat one of our many junk-food snacks until we can get lunch,” Ned offers after, he thinks he noticed the concern on his face from the haywire senses and doesn’t want to alert Michelle. He must suspect the way he starts shivering, too, so he sits in the passenger seat that faces the lake, besides Ned.

Ned looks at Peter, and he simply smiles back because he doesn’t want to worry his best friend. He chucks off his gloves, cleaning the camera from where it sat in ice and says he’ll be right back to take pictures in the smaller icy lake away from them.

He drags himself along the snow, taking big steps to account for the heavy skates on his feet towards the tiny icy lake besides them. He sees Ned and MJ gesture to each other, Michelle nodding her head towards him in concern, who makes eye contact with him and crosses her arms and makes a shivering motion in question. He shakes his head, sending a thumbs-up that he’s okay.

He’s reached the other side of the lake, taking pictures of Michelle skating from another angle in a snow covered patch. He shivers, the incessant cold gripping him. He feels it - a hitch, but it isn’t a shiver from the cold. He’s immediately retreating back when he hears a crunch, a kr, gripping his camera a bit tighter before throwing it to the side and he turns frantically, trying to locate the alert from his legs--

Closing his eyes, he listens to the noise of small ice particles separating, deciding where the safest spot to jump to is, letting his sense direct him somewhere else. He knew he was away from the mini lake, the frozen pond for this reason. It’s technically off the lake, but there must be a small terrain of water and he stumbles around the ice.

His skates are heavy on his aching feet, the snow seeping in from the sides that’s a few inches high, his heart racing in pure adrenaline. “MJ. Get off the ice now. Get off.”

“Peter, what--”

The glaze, icy surfaces are cracking beneath him, atoms shaking. His senses won’t stop screaming at him frantically, not guiding him except for up, and it might be too late to send his web-shooters above him, the shooters in the car with his gloves. He doesn’t have enough time to warn them to grab his web shooters for him before he’s crashing into the ground, through ice and water.

He suspends in the water, the cold engulfing his entire body, it’s unlike any cold he’s felt before, even after being trapped in snow after a fight with Mysterio. It’s unthinkable, striking his entire body. He blindly panics, pitch black in his vision and his throat burns raw as he screams.

Get up, get up, get up-- swim, swim--

His body is being carved out by millions of pinpricks, the cold seeping into his body and chilling his bones and the shock gouges his brain. The skates cause him to be less buoyant, his heavy legs scraping ice and getting stuck with each desperate kick and flutter to get to the surface.

He watches the bubbles rise up in the water from his mouth, screaming he can’t hear himself underwater. He didn’t have the chance to suck in a breath, his exhalation running out and twisting and tearing at his lungs. Each cell screams breathe--

He can’t hear anymore.

Loud ringing replaces his senses, he reaches blindly upwards and his heart rattles in his chest. The freezing temperature below the ice seizes his body. He jackknifes upwards, realizing his movement is clumsy and unreflexive.

His left skate becomes stuck in a chunk of ice, and he’s back in Europe for a moment. Heat blindly covers his face, the sensation all lost. Behind his closed eyes, a hot summer heat casts over him, but he’s being burned from Mysterio sending fire his way. He’s on Titan again, cells ripping to shreds again.

He lets himself succumb to the drowsiness, reaching up once last time to feel around as the opening of the ice flees. Even if he did make it out, his lungs feel too full in his chest, he’d need to get rid of all the liquid from his lungs fast, hoping he doesn’t asphyxiate.

He thinks he sees shadows dancing above him in the water, he’s hopeful his friends would dare reach inside for him, but it wouldn’t be fair for him. He’s drifting, he slowly diminishes away and he’s so far away from them, a dizzying sunlight blinding him and allowing him to close his eyes once more. His brain shuts off, and his senses stop screaming and allow him to let go - the panic leaves him.

He thinks he’s dreaming when he feels a hand in his, another grabbing his wrist. This can’t be right, he’s about to fall asleep into the world of unconsciousness. He’s too weak to fight the tug upwards, seeing stars all in front of him. A black canvas streaked with colors, twinkling in the night sky. He thinks he hits the air again, but he can’t take a breath in so it must not be real. He feels his body being tossed down onto the ground like a ragdoll, dragging through the snow that feels hot, lava on his skin. Is he eulogizing himself, a cynical last vision that he truly did live?

His vision comes back, he thinks, unable to cough and his legs feel ready to burst inside his body. He’s turned to his side, snowflakes falling from the sky. He thinks he can see very single snowflake in front of him, dancing for him, he thinks behind the ringing he can hear shouting, wake up!

He wants to listen to each voice, millions of seconds passing between each frantic shout. He.. he must be allowed to close his eyes.. He wants to be taken back to the lake after succumbing to rest. He falls, stars accompanying him.

---

MJ’s boots begin to slip on the edge of the ice, bits of icicles falling into the water where Peter thrashes. “Shit, shit, shit,” she cries out, perching herself safely to grab onto his hand in the water with Ned searching frantically for his web-shooters and anything else they can use to pull Peter out of the water with.

After a minute, she’s dragging him out of the water with newfound strength, watching his blue body retreat from the water and she screams out, sobbing now. She won’t give up. She won’t give up on him, Aunt May, or on them.

“Hang off, babe, I’ve got you,” she says, looking down at him as he desperately tries to gasp for air. She begins chest compressions, unable to think. She never thought she’d be fast on the spot for an emergency, but she thinks she screams at Ned to call 911, forgetting he’s still on the line with them.

Once she gets a pulse, she and Ned carry Peter to the car. They frantically cover his body in every coat and blanket they find, thanking G-d May has spares in the trunk in case of an emergency. She shrugs her coat off, leaving her sweater on. She springs herself into the backseat, Ned doing the same in the front with the heat already blasting. She’s frantically explaining to whoever is on the other end of the phone, voice breaking as she begs for help. “He’s- he’s breathing on his own now, but he’s blinking at us. What do I do--”

A few minutes pass, she’s not sure how she hasn’t passed out yet. May’s murmuring in her ear through the phone, that Tony is talking to Ned while he drives and that he’s going to talk to her next. She’s pretty sure she agrees, but she’s curled up around Peter, his body on her lap. She gives him warmth, listening to Tony spew medical terminology at her and how to treat hypothermia.

“You’re gonna be okay. I promise. You can’t die on us,” she whispers into the air, the car engine roaring.

Once Peter returns, he wonders if he’s dead when he’s conscious again. His brain registers warmth and lumps beneath him. He blearily opens his eyes, the action too much, his head is in someone’s lap. They run their hands gently through his cold hair. He feels hands around his socked-feet, and he furrows his brows in confusion. He begins to shift a little, feeling a gentle pressure on his arm and leg. There’s warmth all around his body, which is heavy but safe, it's as safe as May’s arms, Ben’s arms during a thunderstorm that shook the building, Tony’s arms after Titan. He closes his eyes, moaning and he’s ready to drift--

“Peter Benjamin Parker,” May sighs above him.

His first thought is to gasp for air, coughing and feeling his lungs clattering in his chest, his sternum erupting in pain. It feels like a hacksaw to his sternum when he breathes.

He whimpers quietly, hearing soft shushing above him. It’s a different sound from the constant headache of the ringing, but he hears the familiar whirr of the refrigerator and picks up four familiar heartbeats. His heart feels surmounted by grief, over the sea, left far away.

He blinks his eyes open past tears, recognizing the bookcase in front of him in the living room of the apartment, with a warm body at his feet on the couch. He’s in May’s lap, “Peter, hey,” May says softly, grounding him by placing a hand on his back. “You’re okay. I’m right here.”

She places her chin to his hair, sighing, and he sags into her arms. He thinks his feet are in Tony’s lap, his foot catching his side.

“Oh, kiddo,” Tony soothes, squeezing his foot gently.

“MJ? Ned?” He rasps out, no voice there and he turns frantically.

“Don’t worry, baby,” May says softly, he almost didn’t catch it. “MJ’s asleep in the chair besides Tony, Ned’s asleep in the other. We’re all crashing from adrenaline.

His head pounds at his movements, his arms feel sluggish, but he pushes himself off of May to find his friends, safe. “Oh-- fuck. Thank, G-d.”

“Language,” May admonishes kindly, settling him further into the couch comfortably by shifting pillows. “How are you feeling?”

Noticing hers and Tony’s eyes on him, searching, both their phones to the side of them and the window allowing pink and purple streaks inside, painting the furniture and the gold illustrating each facial feature of theirs. His friends sleep in the shadows, covered in soft blankets.He switches gazes between them. Tony moves him gently, wrapping his blankets tightly around him.

He’s guessing May removed some of his soaking clothes, exchanging his clothes and he notices the fresh white cotton t-shirt on his body, smelling of fresh fabric softener.

“Kid, you’re going to give me an aneurysm one of these days. Or, better yet, you’re going to burst my arteries yourself.” He fixed Peter with a pointed look, sighing. “I mean, you’re almost in college. I shouldn’t still be doing this.”

Everything he says comes off lightheartedly, but every word is laced with concern. He desperately wants to get argue back, but he knows today is his fault. He ignored his senses, and he doesn’t have a good enough excuse. Would he have been able to save his friends if it happened to them?

Like Tony can sense exactly what he’s thinking, he continues to assure him. “You’re hypothermic. You were blue, Pete, but your dislocated knee mixed in isn’t the worst you’ve done..”

He sighs, looking away from Tony and opting to listen to the kettle in the kitchen, May shifting his head off of her lap and into the couch cushion to it off and stares at Tony’s phone on the table.

“It was stupid, I know. I’m so sorry, everyone,” he finally says, none of the words being announced like he wants, his throat tender and unhealed, lifting his head off the pillow and moans in pain. He’s able to sit up, leaning heavily against a pillow with his elbow propping him up. He ignores the piercing pain in his ribs. ”I checked the water. I-- I wasn’t thinking, I guess.”

Tony sounded as frantic as he did back when he first yelled at him after the nearly-disastrous ferry incident. “That’s part of the problem. You are thinking, kid. You’d never do this willfully. You always jump the gun, which is something also great about you.. It can also be a great flaw.”

“Did they get hurt?” he whispers, turning back to the two teens on the smaller one-person couches.

“Nobody except for you, kiddo,” May reassures him, walking back in with a steaming mug in her hands. He takes this moment to redirect his gaze to his arm when he grabs it, his stiff elbow poked with a needle. “IV, baby. Needed to warm you up with warm saline.”

She sighs, sitting on the glass coffee table in front of him and not bothering to move the newspaper. “We’re worried, Peter. I can’t protect you like I need to, want to.”

He collapses back down into the pillow, oblivious to May and Tony’s secret communication with each other. May, nodding for Tony to sit beside her and in front of Peter. It probably isn’t comfortable for him, but he looks over to May for answers. She furrows her brows, her mouth set in a line.

He almost smiles, seeing the two of them in front of him again when he’s not dying. The relief quickly turns to worry when he remembers what happened, guilt refusing to subside. He’s huddled in the couch, like a cold, rejected dog, signs of frostbite all over him. It’s his own fault - he didn’t listen to his sense. The dark, insidious fear of death looms over his head once more, he really scared his friends today. And himself.

Murphy’s Law comes back to his head, an anxiety swirling in his stomach. It’s an ugly, black hurricane feeling, especially seeing the dejection and defeat written on both their faces.

“I--” he can’t manage, but the two of them see hesitation flicker across his face, voice too quiet and broken. “I’m just- I messed up. T’ny ta-taught me so much, I didn’t listen--” he cuts himself off, his voice unrecognizable, eyes widening in surprise, a realization.

“It was all my f’ult. I sc’red them, badly.” Pressing himself deeper into the corner of the pillow, tears overflow his eyes, hot streaks across his face he doesn’t expect. A shiver racks through him, not from the cold.

Tony leans over closer to him, his breath warm even through the blankets and on his exposed arm, his own hand hovering above him in hesitation, the inhibition set across his face. His mentor takes a deep breath in, gently grabbing the back of the couch and placing a kiss to the top of his head. He must’ve really fucked up today, he thinks.

He watches the fear streak across Tony’s eyes, too familiar to Titan. Peter feels deeply rooted in the couch, frozen solid from his core. He doesn’t know what the end of the story is, fear ebbing away, and he really looks at Peter face on. “I’m sorry.”

Peter feels frustrated again, just like the morning when half the world that died was brought back, feeling alone.

He lets his tears take over him, letting May hold him on the couch, feeling too weak to do anything else. She ends up pulling Peter into her lap again, rubbing circles on her shoulder and letting her own tears escape from her eyes, some falling onto his white t-shirt. He trembles under her, Tony reaching over to squeeze his hand, the arm with an IV. He soothes small circles with his thumb, drawing patterns on his skin and turns to May with owlishly wide eyes.

“It’s alright, kiddo,” Tony whispers. “We’ve got you. May’s got you. Your friends are right here. You’re right here.”

It takes some time, but eventually Peter falls asleep like that, May and Tony’s vice-like grip never once loosening on him.

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vishalmeena · 3 years

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A not so fine Morning.

The Sun is right above the horizon, slowly beginning to rise. People have started arriving in the park. This morning breeze is tempting me to add a layer of wool over my body. I don't understand why people like it? The sun is staring right at you but it still feels chilly. I can see some kids playing beneath the happy tree, while the birds on its branch are looking for prey to drop good luck on them. There's also this group of Elderly people doing that annoying laughing exercise. Don't they know how absurd they look while doing it? No joke could possibly crack them up this hysterically. For how long are you willing to fake it. Won't you get tired? And now there’s one more pair of love birds who have decided to wake up early in the morning to hang out in the park. Do they think they are invisible? Everyone sees you when you two birds jog synchronously. And her mum says, "My daughter is such a fitness freak, she is preparing every morning for next month's City Marathon." Bhabhi Please! Your daughter wasn't there last Saturday when they organized World Health Day, where was this motivation then? Aunty doesn't know that Aakash wasn't in town that day, Otherwise, her daughter would be ready to flex on that day as well. Most of these people showing up in the park are really just to show off, nobody's really there to get a healthy body anymore. I mean, if you really cared about your health, how come the vendor who sells Panipuri outside the park is getting richer by the minute. I think even he earns more than me now. Gets paid to receive eye tonic and here I am stuck in the job which breaks me every day. Why do I always get stupid clients? I mean how many changes you're going to ask for huh? First, finalize the things you want in your project, then come to me. I'm done working at this place of zero hope, things never change here. It has been more than two years now and I am done doing the same stuff over and over. I need to find myself a better job. You know, once I get my due increment, I'll quit.

The Alarm rings, "beep beep.. beep beep.. beep beep beep"

Ah! not again, you can't wake me up more than I already am, stupid phone. I don't even need to wake her up anymore. At this hour, She's probably going back to her tent or a houseboat. But, why does she always have to go places like these? I get that the work she does is really important, probably, even world-changing stuff and these forests of Amazon is might just be the best place for the research but at least go to a place made for humans. You're living in a dangerous place with wild animals in a 1960 era forest where cell phones don't have reception. What makes it even more frustrating is not being able to anything about it.

I know it shouldn't be bothering me much, after all, we did agree to do this together but damn this is killing me. At this point, I know my brain doctor brother would say, "What you're feeling right now is normal. When you were together, your body was producing Oxytocin at high levels, but now your body has quit delivering a plenitude of serotonin, oxytocin, and so forth, and to exacerbate the situation, the chemicals that your body does produce continue to be processed so quickly it's as if they were never there. But don't worry, your body will adjust to it in some time."

Now, how is this any different from saying, "Don't worry, everything will be fine in some time." But, No! You need to say these difficult terms to prove that you're smarter than me. This whole situation sucks actually. Nothing makes sense anymore, even the article I read online did not help. I don't know who these articles cater to, certainly doesn’t change anything for me. And they always write them with such confidence that It's gonna turn around the reader's whole life. As if just writing in bullets will make people understand everything.

⦁ Try meditating to help ease the distress.

Doesn't meditation require you to have a calm mind? Well if I could keep my mind calm I wouldn't be reading this article in the first place.

⦁ Try expressing emotions through journaling, drawing, or music.

Well not everyone here is a Picasso. And even he made silly paintings, some of them don't even make sense. If he was a millennial, his Instagram page wouldn't even have 100 followers.

⦁ Consider doing something kind, either for your loved one or for someone else in their honor.

Yeah right, I donated ₹ 5000 last year to the PM Cares fund, I don't even know if any good came out of it. The migrant laborers still had to travel the distance by themselves, if they couldn't find a place in Sonu Sood Depot. It'd been better if I had personally donated that sum directly to our maid and her family.

⦁ Keep track of thoughts to share later.

Hmm... Wouldn't it be too much? I mean if I started making list, it would go on forever. There's a lot that I would like to share with her. I can practically imagine her going in a fit of laughter hearing all these crazy stories I have for her.

⦁ Focus on positive memories, such as shared jokes or trips you took together.

Okay, let us try this. I guess we had few good memories, them Late-night walks, all those improv games we used to play together. Us meeting after a long vacation, just like when Noah and Allie reunite in The Notebook, minus the rain and the breathtaking scenery. And damn her weird Oreo coffee, I can't forget that combo even on my deathbed. Maybe I should try making that?

Umm... It's a little too sweet but I like it. I'm sure she would kill to have this coffee right now. It's pure bliss to be sipping this coffee at this time. Sun is comfortably up, the breeze feels nice now. Aakash & Avni are still here, it's cute how they manage to sneak in these meetings, they're definitely gonna look back on these silly teenage years & cherish it once they're my age. Love is certainly in the air & I blame them little birds' songs. Those Old fellas are finally sharing real laughs now, sitting in the circle sharing stories older than me. It's amazing how they have managed to stay together for all these years. That's true friendship right there. Maybe I should make plans with my friends for the weekend as well. Okay Google, open WhatsApp.

#breakup #aestethic #mindfulness #funnyrant #feel good

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mtg-thrill-of-possibility · 4 years

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A Reflection on Magic, the Pandemic, and the Dark Side of Arena

Hello to all the readers who may stumble upon this in the search for new Magic content. I wrote this mostly to fill a void in my life that has opened up over the last year and more of a mental health thing than some form of Magic related advice but since it is about that, I thought they’d go hand in hand. I love Magic. Or at least I have loved Magic? It’s hard to tell. Like nearly everyone on this planet, I’ve been shut off from in-person Magic and it had/has me left down. I normally volunteer at my LGS and help them organize their tournaments and judge the events and generally whatever else they ask me to do because I really love Magic. I love playing with my locals who don’t spend hundreds of dollars and craft GP/MF level decks. I love watching a group of people playing draft chaff and off beat home brews and where adults and teenagers can compete with one another on that level. I enjoy sitting off to the corner on the store’s EDH night and listening to games and drawing tokens for games in my own corner while I wait for my own games or sometimes my ow turns. I also love traveling with my wife to cities and go compete in GP/MFs where we usually both scrub out of the main event by round 3 or 4 and then hit the vendors and side events as well as explore the cities for new restaurants. I miss Welcome Days where adults bring in kids and I show them the ropes. I love meeting adults who poke their noses in and ask me “Magic is still a thing? I played that in high school” and show them the changes. I can still remember the Theros Beyond Death prerelease last year and thought how much fun it was to not work the event for once and just play. And looking back, boy am I glad I entered the THB prerelease.

February was the start of the downturn. Our EDH night was slightly less full but I just figured it was due to the weather since the winter usually has a downturn in the attendance for every event. But then the rotating cast of 10-15 FNM players was 6; Pioneer on Saturday had 3. The next week, the EDH crowd was down to from the usual 6-8 pods to 2. FNM and Pioneer failed to fire. The news that COVID-19 was starting to creep into the Midwest prompted me to ask the store what precautions we wanted to take and when we were going to stop in general.

I work in chemical research and I have a background in pharmaceuticals and once (or twice) studied the MCATs and considered going to med school. I was definitely concerned but in February it hadn’t reached my state (yet) and I wanted the store to be ready for the imminent shutdown and continued downtick in participation (my LGS and I had been strategizing how to move up in events and the store ranking on the WPN). But it’s a red state. Science denial must be a recessive trait that the Midwest incorporated into its identity for a long time and I was told that I had some freedom but to not go crazy. I thought I’m a volunteer. I’m not spending what little money I have on stuff for you guys. So, I did the best thing I could think of for free, I started a Discord server. I was really excited at the prospect. I had just bought a webcam in case my workplace started working from home and thought how cool it would be to be able to organize events in Arena and talk through Discord when the store wasn’t available. I asked if we could hang up a flyer and tell all the Magic customers that they continue with tournaments and Magic if they joined the Discord I set up in the store’s name.

My LGS asked how much this was going to cost them and I said exactly as much as it costs them now if not a little less since we don’t need the store’s utilities or a cashier behind the counter in the after hours to work the tournament. They were happy and I got the greenlight. Things worked okay at first. Those with Arena accounts showed for a few weeks. Others I knew were interested were convinced that we were overly sensitive to the virus and FNMs continued to limp along with 4-6 people until everything ground down to a halt.

Come mid-March, COVID had finally reached the state and the city. Cases were light, a few hundred people tested each day, single digit cases detected but I again was worried. My workplace had already begun educating everyone on how to wash their hands properly and disinfect every surface and everyone was issued a bleach spray bottle with their name and a serial number on it. While the mayor and governor hadn’t ordered a shutdown yet, I advised strongly that the store go ahead and if they wanted to continue that I wouldn’t be there to assist until the curve was sufficiently flattened.

I’m not sure why but they trusted me and listened. I was glad and I pushed again for people to join the Discord server. Players were reluctant but I assured them that this may be the future for some time and if they get on now, they can still get the Ravnica intro quests and start building up their Arena collections. I got more on my side, we had 8-10 and got them all to try and hook anyone else they knew to join us. However, by the end of March, my workplace had moved to 100% virtual and with my extra time, I had begun to unwittingly shift the power dynamic in the store by accident. You see, I really love Magic. I was now working from home for a job that required me to have direct physical access to hundreds of thousands of dollars or sensitive equipment that need recertification when they get moved 12 inches down a work bench and dangerous chemicals I don’t want near me unless I know there’s an inspected chemical shower nearby. When the campus shut down, I got very bored. I did what research I could from my home portal, attended virtual conferences and webinars every day, but I had tons of down time. That meant watching my wife play Animal Crossing, playing with my dogs, marathon sessions of Civilization but most crucially, I also began grinding Arena.

My local meta had been defined by the understanding that none of us were really Arena players. I had played when the Kaladesh and Amonkhet closed betas were happening, but I was turned off by the fact that all my playing of those formats amounted to nothing when it launched with Ixalan and I would start from square one. Everyone in the group typically shied away from tier 1 tournament decks because to all of us, it was more fun to goof around with RG auras and Tilonalli’s Summoner decks than it was to grind Esper Hero or the new Uro decks. And the limitation that everyone didn’t have all the shocklands meant we were all playing on roughly the same card pools with some variation due to our play styles. So when I suggested we all start playing Arena to replace the tournaments, it worked because it meant we all played the same dumb decks we’d play in person with a few exceptions of having less than perfect mana bases.

But I would find myself grinding Arena everyday where my friends and locals were not. Even though I jumped into Arena at mid-March, I finished the Theros Beyond Death mastery at level 78 when Ikoria began to creep around the corner. I had just begun to get back into Magic when Fate Reforged hit and didn’t realize how much I love wedge color alignments over shards but boy did I love Abzan in Khans standard and now I was in love with Abzan again in Ikoria standard. Grinding the way I did meant I drafted most afternoons for the first month of Ikoria (and forced Temur every time) and started climbing the ranked ladder in the evenings. Ikoria would also mark the first time I spent money on Arena. I’m notoriously spend-thrift in video games and anything you can free-to-play I do religiously because you shouldn’t make a game grindable over the course of years if you give me that option. But drafting took gems and I really love drafting but most people at my LGS are too concerned about rares than learning to do it properly and a lot of younger players feel lost when I draft a zero rare deck and go 4-0 and collect my prizes. By the end of April, I would reach Platinum in constructed and Gold in limited. But now my LGS was far less inclined to play with me. I didn’t brag about any of my rankings but the skill disparity had begun to creep in as well as the difference in our collections. Having played so much Arena, I could see the tells the software gives away that paper Magic doesn’t. I learned to read when the game would hang up on the beginning of combat and end steps because they’re holding potential responses. I began to do the full control shortcut to bluff counter spells and removal. In paper Magic, if my opponent would sequence things wrong or tap their mana wrong, we’d make jokes and rewind it because it’s one of those human errors that we all make and redo it the right way.

But Arena was different; some learned the hard way to not trust the auto-tapper, some didn’t realize that the way they normally stack triggers in paper is backwards and too late to fix after a spell or ability resolved. And I couldn’t help them. And I let them make their mistakes because I can’t change Arena. If they use the auto-tapper and they realize that Arena doesn’t tap the Castle Vantress even though they couldn’t activate it anyway and they lose a dual source, I couldn’t help them. If they have the lethal Explosion in hand but forgot to hit Control in their second main so they can stack the Wilderness Reclamation triggers in their end step, I don’t concede out of pity.

In May, I try and keep the Magic going by suggesting that we shift the format to a draft limited but they’re unconvinced of the website that allows you to simulate an 8-person draft and then import the drafted card lists to Arena. Why? Because they don’t have the cards already and I’ve changed the dynamic. They know I’m much more skilled at Arena and Ikoria drafting. The news has also been reporting that the curve was flattening, and our state was lifting restrictions on gatherings. They want to play EDH and paper Magic, not this digital intangible game. I reluctantly agree but keep grinding on Arena anyway. My friends didn’t want to play Magic on Arena and I couldn’t understand why. I was getting burned out on drafting at this point and the drafts were harder to fire off a month and a half later, work was returning on a limited schedule where I was onsite 75% and virtual 25%, it really did seem like things were returning to normal.

In June I finish the Ikoria mastery and at this point my wife had begun to show more interest in playing on Arena and trying to get her account a little more stocked since our normal paper system is I aggregate everything we typically need and I make her desired deck and hand it off to her to wreck people on FNM but since I didn’t have to judge, I got to play and we couldn’t both play from my account at the same time. I casually start hers and I get the wild hair that maybe I should make a loaner account in the store’s name and if anyone says they don’t have the cards, they can borrow the store’s account for the tournament. I make the account but put the pipe dream on hold when Wizards announces that in-store play can resume with the Core 2021 prerelease. I could read between the lines and see that the curve was trending the wrong way and thought it was a bad idea but at my insistence, everyone would have to wear a mask at all times and hand sanitizer was available every 15 feet and the store had lots of space for players to spread out. The turnout was low which helped as well, and I had everyone who showed up at least aware that I was trying to keep the Discord going and that in case there’s another shutdown that there was another avenue for them.

Well, I got my wish because within a week of the launch of Core 2021, my state had regressed, and cases were exploding and gathering restrictions were sent back in place. Shortly after that, Wizards suspended in-store play again and with that I created the store’s Arena account. At the time, things were pretty good. The locals weren’t playing as much and my server was still fairly empty but most of the Magic Twitch community I interacted with had strongly adjusted to the new paradigm. EDH streaming was commonplace, I had my new Arena account to focus on building up as well as my own. Pro level events and Opens were being held on Arena and the expansion of Amonkhet Remastered gave me hope that Magic was on the mend. But I also think it was with Core 2021 that things started to slide into the negative for me. Grinding the second account was frustrating me a lot. The lack of human interaction was tilting me out for no reason. Some days the server would have me wait a whole minute (the horror?!) for a game and then my opponent would be the world’s slowest red player where everything seemed delayed. There would strings of games I would play where I couldn’t get a third land drop after a mull to 4 and other times where I’d flood out and would have won if it weren’t for generic whiny reason why everyone says they lose.

Maybe it was when I began to see that Arena is not Magic the Gathering as much as it is a video game that it began to really sour on me. For those of you who don’t play a lot of Arena and instead interact with humans over webcams is that Arena is designed for you to not play off beat home brews except in direct challenges with your friends. The game is meant for you to play the best combination of 75 cards and for you to help it machine learn through millions of matches what is and what is not the correct play pattern based on the available information you have. It wants you to play the very best decks in a format against the other best decks. I started to see this in Ikora standard when decks would scoop if you were on the play and went turn 2 Agonizing Remorse. Decks were and still are so linear that they can’t handle that kind of disruption or it’s a matter of the players know it’s faster to accumulate wins by scooping than grinding out a long game.

If you need evidence of whether or not this is true, you should play Arena now and see how often people scoop against the double Ruin Crab opener with a Fabled Passage back-to-back. Or if an opponent against your Lurrus Auras deck will time out when they know they can’t win. In paper Magic, when you drive 4 hours to a major venue, pay your entry fee, you never see your opponent rage scoop unless it’s Legacy and you know what your opponent’s on and you mull to zero so you can see what’s in their deck. You call a judge to your table if they start stalling. Nothing is more annoying that an opponent spamming “Good Game” at you through a match when it’s obvious that you’re not killing them that turn but they’re empty handed and have nothing relevant on board.

I’ll admit myself that what my wife calls “Wizard Chores” for the Daily quests, if I’m 1 red spell short of finishing a quest, I’ll log in for one more game and Boulder Dash my opponent’s creature or cast Shock to face and immediately scoop. Who is that helping? I’d spend the week at work in my down times thinking about what dumb cards I hadn’t played with from a set, start making a list, furiously find the cards on a Friday afternoon and grab dinner with the wife and then race to my LGS for FNM. Magic used to be something I only got to do twice a week with people in a shared setting and we’d unroll our playmats, shuffle up our jank, and laugh and generally have a good time for three to four hours. With Magic at my fingertips, Arena is a distillation of efficiency at spell slinging combined with the minor rewards system we’ve come to recognize the free-to-play traps to “encourage” us to play different things. If I want to play 100 matches in a day, all I need to do is sit at my computer long enough. If I want to play my old jank on Arena, I can’t even count on the Casual play channel to help since it’s always filled with people with 55 of the 60 cards that make the best deck learning how to play before they commit the wild cards for the deck.

Zendikar Rising has been a pretty dark point for everyone on Arena I believe. It seems like a lifetime ago that Omnath was printed and that I had immediately cashed in four mythic rare wildcards for the deck I would get to play with on Arena for 2 weeks before Wizards realized their mistake. Honestly before I had started writing this in the week before Kaldheim will hit Arena, I forgot that Omnath was part of the most recent set as all I can remember Zendikar Rising giving us is the extremely irritating Ruin Crab and Soaring Thought Thief. The few locals I had left on my Discaord server when ZNR released had lost interest in Arena since they enjoyed the Ravnica standard that was rotating out and Pioneer was not yet available for Arena. I’ve encouraged nearly everyone I know from my LGS to buy webcams since October given that the current state of the COVID world is not likely to go away and the new culture and channels that have opened up in the world to fill the void of EDH has some level of benefit even when in-person play resumes. Not many people play and I’ll search for an occasional game on the official Discord when the craving strikes. Some of my friends have been taking advantage of the webcam world and started playing older formats with me over webcam such as Pioneer and Modern to rekindle their love for Magic and the hope that we can start playing tournaments over webcam. Finishing up the ZNR mastery passes on my two accounts and my wife’s account has been giving me a much-needed break from Arena and honestly, it’s probably done the most to lift my spirits.

I’ve been taking a lot more time to reflect on why I love Magic and I plan on doing in the future. The first thing I know I’m going to do and stick to is not get a Mastery Pass for mt LGS store’s account. They don’t pay for all the work I put into the one already grinding multiple accounts is not good for my mental well-being. The second thing I know I am going to do is relearn how to have fun in Magic again. Not really hinted at in this article so far is the fact I love the art in Magic and I’m often inspired by my own crazy mind to illustrate my own works or reimagine my favorite cards with my own art. Since the release of Rise of Skywalker, I had been working on a personal project of creating a second expansion to the largely underground Star Wars the Gathering card game and ended up making 200 unique, draftable cards. I wouldn’t call myself an artist because I’m still learning and I don’t necessarily aspire to an artist but I would love to improve my skills and one day make a piece that’s so good someone wants on a card. Over the last two years, I’ve been deeply jealous of how amazing and hard working the Magic cosplayers are and that I should put my art to good use and make my own cosplays. And then there’s the playing of Magic. I miss the Gathering part of Magic. So this brings us to the bedrock of this piece. I hope to continue this blog steadily as time moves forward. I’m rarely ever satisfied or have my attention on any one project for too long but 2021 is a new year. And I hope that the title is a hint to the future. Whatever it is; whether it’s deck construction, art alters, or Magic cosplay, story, general discussion, that’s what I’m here for. It’s the Thrill of what I might work on next and I promise because I’m terrible right now at doing so, I’ll be sure to take pictures and try and stream when I can to keep myself honest about the whole deal. I hope you’ll all join me or at least join the Discord to yell at me.

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soviet-history-detective · 5 years

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Legasov You Did Not Know

I am going to share an ingot of solid gold right now, the kind that will break your heart and ruin your day.

I have unearthed this some time ago from a book that’s been long out of print. It is the translation of a truly heart-wrenching eulogy written by his late widow, Margarita Mihailovna Legasova. There is a lot of new information about Legasov in this piece, the kind of things only the wife of 30 years would know.

Defenceless Victor—Margarita Legasova’s title of her reminiscences

This title in Trud was followed by a quotation by Valery Legasov:

There are two colour photos hanging in my office at work. One of them is of a Nuclear Atomic Plant, the other of storks. These photos hang near each other as a reminder of the close relationship between life, nature and technology, letting one know beforehand of the fragility of life, about the necessity to keep it. I recalled these photos when I worked in Chernobyl eliminating the consequences of the accident at the NPP. Really, could storks in the future, living on the earth, feel themselves to be safe with modern industry? Is such a peaceful coexistence possible? And if possible, then what should be done to achieve this?

It was not until 10 years after the accident and eight years after Valery Legasov’s death that his widow published a short memoir in Trud that unequivocally confirmed that her husband had committed suicide on 27 April 1988. They had first met when students in the same institute and together worked at a students’ building construction project in what were termed in the USSR as the virgin lands. Under the title Defenceless Victor she described her memories of Legasov’s troubled times at Chernobyl and the period afterwards when he was, to a certain extent, ostracized by the establishment. She also includes interesting comments on what life was like for a senior scientist and his family in the Soviet system: very different from the experiences of Western scientists.

***

Last year we at last completed erection of a gravestone on his grave. This was with thanks to my son and daughter and a few supporters and colleagues of the Academician who helped to cover the expenses. That day when the sculptor invited me to his workshop and showed me the completed work, Valery returned home in the form of his bronze sculpture. He often had to travel away on business trips, we tried to be patient and wait for his return, but on 27 April 1988 he was transported away, already lifeless, forever.

On Saturday 26 April 1986, Valery left for an ordinary business meeting where he learned about the Chernobyl NPP accident and that evening he was already 2 km away from the destroyed reactor. Life seemingly continued but terrible forebodings did not allow us to relax and stop worrying about his health. After 27 April our acquaintances began to say that badly irradiated victims of the accident had begun to be transported to Moscow to Hospital No. 6. Nobody could tell me when he would return.

On the morning of 5 May about 8am there was a ring at the door bell and Valery entered in a borrowed suit of clothes and carrying a polythene bag with belongings rather than his normal case. He was very thin, with a dark face, red eyes and the palms of his hands were tanned black. He only had time to wash, change, breakfast and ask about his two grandchildren before he had to leave at 10am for a meeting. There was no time to tell us what was the state of events at Chernobyl. Then at lunchtime one of his assistants telephoned and said that Boris Scherbina wanted him again at Chernobyl.

It was only when he returned home later that he was able to tell us that he had personally entered the most dangerous areas in the fourth reactor and how shaken he was at the criminal carelessness displayed at the NPP before the explosion.

He next returned home on 13 May and it seemed to us that the biggest difficulties were in the past: but we soon understood that we were mistaken. By summer Valery was already in poor health, suffering from frequent headaches, chronic insomnia, nausea and stomach illness. It was difficult to recognize the earlier Valery in this morally depressed man. He was taken many times for medical investigation to Hospital No. 6 of the atomic establishment. Heart insufficiency, serious leukocytosis, problems with his myelocytes and bone marrow were diagnosed, as well as neurosis. But no official diagnosis was made of radiation syndrome, although I had no doubt that it was so.

He became an Academician at the early age of 45 but some of the leading figures of Soviet science called him ‘A boy from the chemical suburbs’. However, he was interesting to work with and liked jokes, being famous as an amusing raconteur, although everyone knew that science was the principal interest of his life. His private family life was unknown to his colleagues.

For five years, 1964–69, we lived in a flat of 22 square metres at Nizhegorodskaya Street. Though we could use only communal transportation we often made trips together with our two little children to Kuskovo, Ostankino and Arkangelskoye. In Tsaritsino we enjoyed ski holidays. It now seems that these were the happiest times of our lives.

Valery was a car enthusiast for the last 10 years of his life and loved driving at very high speeds. He had always wanted a private car and his first, which was also his last, was a GAZ-25 Volga which we bought in 1977 for 9500 roubles when he was a Candidate Member of the Academy of Sciences. The initial capital for the purchase was his quota from his State Prize received for his achievements in the field of chemistry.

We usually celebrated New Year in the circle of our family, sometimes in a rest house. One of these days a pure bred chau chau puppy appeared in our family and it was assumed that it was my New Year’s gift. Ma Lu Thomas, as she was called, would recognize only Valery as his owner and loved being in our car. She was inseparable from him and died just after Valery’s death. He was also an adoring grandfather to Misha and Valerik and invented little poems for them and played charades.

As a boy he received a musical education and for many years was interested in listening and understanding classical music: Grieg, Sibelius, Shostakovich and Prokofiev. He was also fond of Schnitke. Over the years we bought tickets for many concerts in the Tschaikovsky Concert Hall of the Musical Conservatoire. Valery’s last concert was in Lithuania in the summer of 1987: for flute and organ. Little did I know that soon afterwards Valery would make a first attempt to commit suicide. He swallowed a handful of Triptizol tablets but that time the physicians managed to save him.

In one Soviet TV programme is was said that Academician Legasov was a sincere believer. It is not so. From autumn 1987 he began to read the Bible and thought much about what he read. He was not baptised a Christian, but respected religion even though he was brought up an atheist.

He considered that the East was weak and during his business trips he tried to see as much as possible of culture. He very much wanted to visit one of the sacred Islamic places, the mausoleum of Hoja Ahmed Iasavi, and the monument erected in honour of the ancient Turkish poet who lived in the twelfth century and was an advocate of Sufism. We visited the ancient city of Yami and worshipped at the grave of the philosopher, and Valery often recalled his verses:

Having met a man of another faith

Don’t be evil to him

The God does not like people

With a cruel heart...

After their death punishment

Waits for them...

On his return from the Chernobyl NPP Valery told very sparingly, with tears in his eyes, about the unpreparedness for the accident. Those days nobody could precisely estimate the number of victims, but Legasov understood better than others, the lack of necessary means of health protection: pure water, food products, iodine prophylaxis.

In August 1986 Valery Legasov presented a report to IAEA experts at a meeting in Vienna, about the causes and the consequences of the accident. His five-hour report was very well received and he returned home triumphal. But soon his mood changed. During the last two years after the accident he suffered great psychological trauma and his inner strength was broken.

Twice he was nominated for a high award from the State, and twice the nomination was cancelled. He received a suggestion that he might take up a position with the IAEA in the field of nuclear technology: again, obstacles appeared. There was also the planned nomination for Director of a Research Centre on the Problems of Industrial and Nuclear Safety: this came to nothing. His election as a Member of the French Academy of Sciences was apparently assured and although we went to Paris on 4 February 1988, his last business trip, he did not receive Membership. Also, just after his Paris trip he was hospitalized with acute leukocytosis, pneumonia and severe neurosis.

Chernobyl was not only a tragedy of international importance but it was also the personal tragedy of the gifted scientist Valery Legasov.

Source: Chernobyl Record- The Definitive History of the Chernobyl Catastrophe, R F Mould

Notes:

I had a feeling there was more to Legasov than what we see in the written material out there (I read Russian at upper intermediate level so I have access to quite a lot of info, and I have read the magnificent in-depth science-engineering reform articles of him which were absolutely jaw-dropping in their visionary quality. Yet some of the information in this article blew my mind. Legasov’s intellectual side is far deeper than anyone’s guess, that is evident.

All the documentary films and other material mention Legasov took sleeping pills in his first suicide attempt in 1987, but it turns out it was Triptizol, which is the brand name of Amitriptyline -a powerful antidepressant prescribed for major depression and where SSRI’s don’t work. It has been used as sleeping medicine in the US, but I have no clue if it had such use in the USSR. It is known Legasov developed a serious insomnia problem, but he was also diagnosed with major clinical depression.

Margarita Legasova was a professor of chemistry, they both graduated from the prestigious Mendeleev School of Chemistry, where they met (as mentioned in the beginning.)

The dog’s name sounds like it’s mistranscribed or something, in Russian language articles written by Legasov’s close friends she is mentioned as Tomka. Poor thing stopped eating after she realized he was gone forever and died shortly after.

#legasov #chernobyl #Valery Legasov

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horseluvr00-ff · 4 years

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A Place to Call Home | Chapter 34

Masterlist Here

Rating: T+

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe

Genre/Warnings: action/adventure/family | kidnapping, violence, strong language.

Story summary: It’s been a few months since the Battle of New York. Steve Rogers is acclimating to life when he crosses paths with teenager Katelyn Sanders, a SHIELD recruit and highly valued asset with a dark past. Follow Kate’s adventure from SHIELD asset to Avenger to wanted fugitive over the course of her youth and into adulthood with her Avenging family. Follows Infinity Saga and beyond.

Words: 7,208

Disclaimer: Majority of properties within this fanfic are owned by Marvel/Disney. My OC Katelyn Sanders, as well as a few other unaffiliated things within this fanfic are of my own creation.

Author Note: Relogs are welcome and appreciated :) Please no plagiarism or reposts on other platforms. Updates occur weekly on Fridays, however posts on Tumblr usually occur Saturdays.

Full story available on FFN and A03 here and here

Chapter 34 can be found here on FFN and here on AO3 in full.

Check out a portion of Chapter 34 below:

It's late in the evening, and Kate is out wandering the streets.

While one could argue it was more dangerous than walking around during the day when people were out and about - for Kate - the desertedness of the city made it easier to spot threats. The overwhelming nature of the day, when hundreds of thousands of people roamed the streets, it was difficult for Kate to focus. Walking around late at night however, with fewer people present, brought about a certain clarity.

While Kate's ability granted her many talents, it also made her hyper aware of a whole magnitude of things. Things most people didn't notice or perhaps didn't even have the courage to confront.

Picking up dinner with Clint earlier that day - Kate hadn't planned on doing anything out of the ordinary. Waiting for the agent to return from the restaurant with their takeout was the plan… Until she heard it.

An individual yelling out, proclaiming someone had taken their backpack. Attention already peaked; Kate had found herself pushing off the wall, heading down the sidewalk towards the closest alley before feeling her senses heighten. The sound bounced off walls and channeled her way. As if she had a sort of psychic map in her mind, Kate picked up a jog, making her way through the small maze of alleys until she heard the sound of heavy breathing pick up.

Breaking into a short run, Kate made her way around the corner, gauging her point of impact before running round the corner, left arm extended out she slammed it into an individual's chest, causing their feet to fly out before they hit the ground with a pained grunt-like yell.

Picking up the backpack, Kate had watched as the individual, looking only a few years older than herself, had quickly gotten up and ran away, more fearful than she had originally anticipated.

The whole ordeal had been over as quickly as it had started. The individual that had called out regarding their stolen property eventually ran up to her and Kate returned the property, mentioning that the one who had taken it had dropped it. No need to gloat.

Kate had made her way back to the restaurant quickly, hoping she hadn't been missed, only to see Clint on the phone and looking somewhat nervous.

Yeah, that hadn't been the greatest moment. Especially after Steve's reaction when they got back to the Tower.

Hands deep in her hoodie pockets, Kate continues to walk down the mostly empty sidewalk dimly lit by streetlights. There weren't many people out. The majority of them didn't look all that menacing, but her senses made clear which people projected ill-intent and which didn't. Raised heart rates and tense muscles were prominent in most of the individuals she passed, as if they thought they'd get caught any moment.

While her better judgment told her this wasn't smart, she also couldn't really remember a time when she did something like this. The last time she was "normal" she was probably seven years old. The amount of freedom people her age had- she didn't know… However she felt capable enough to be out here… looking for trouble to stop.

She tried not to dwell on that fact too much - the fact that she was out here late at night looking for trouble - some kind of bad to stop.

Turning down a different block, Kate keeps her eyes ahead but somewhat low on the sidewalk. She could feel eyes turn towards her as she passed people here and there. Pulling her hood over her head, Kate continues on her way.

Aside from the thundercloud over her head telling her she was asking for trouble, the city was somewhat comforting at night. It might be her subconscious understanding that she could handle any individual who may approach her with ill intent, but regardless of the fact, she felt a sense of ease walking down the street, the cold air soothing her.

A string of angered curses suddenly pulls Kate from her thoughts and her eyes snap upwards. Coming to a corner, she looks down the sidewalk seeing two people disappear into one of the alleyways.

"I- said no," A female voice; agitated.

Clenching and unclenching her hands in her pockets, Kate begins making her way down the sidewalk before slowing at the corner of the alleyway where the two people now where.

"You don't seem to understand that me telling you no at work, and me telling you no now, hasn't changed anything-" The woman's fist was curled up tightly, the man in front of her holding her wrist tight enough that she couldn't pull it away, but loose enough that he wasn't trying to fully restrain her.

"I paid you double, you owe me more than a private sh- Can I help you?"

Kate tilts her head lightly, the man now looking over his shoulder expectantly while eyeing her impatiently.

Kate's eyes move between him and the woman momentarily before the woman rips her wrist from his grasp and begins walking towards Kate, and then out onto the sidewalk. Her expression was one of annoyance and frustration but her heart rate gave away how fearful she was as she picked up a quick pace down the sidewalk.

The man was stationary momentarily, the tenseness to his body obvious - ability or not.

Cursing under his breath, he begins walking in the same direction the woman had, going to pass Kate and head down the sidewalk. He intentionally knocks her shoulder with his own as he passes her, causing her to step back a hair before turning to look over her shoulder.

There were certain aspects to her ability that made things not usually visible, known to her. Certain factors helped her to anticipate behavior. Muscle tension, walking pace, expression, even smell by means of odor changes. Fear, anger, and happiness can cause chemical changes related that give off different odors. For example, when someone is afraid, they may sweat, which gives off a distinct odor she can associate accordingly.

Turning on her heel, Kate picks up her walking pace to follow the man.

~0~

A Few Hours Later…

For Tony, sleeping was something becoming harder and harder to come by. It wasn't that he had… trouble. He just had a lot of energy. And ideas and random thoughts would also hit him at odd hours of the night, thoughts he had to act on in case he forgot them in the morning.

He had promised Pepper to give the workshop a break. While he was doing that- she never said he couldn't hangout on the communal floor doing what he most likely would've done in the workshop.

"Jarvis, how's it looking?" Tony questions, the only light in the area coming off the tablet in his hands.

"Diagnostics have been run, sir. Trials are ready whenever you see fit." The AI responds.

Tony chews on his bottom lip lightly for a moment, eyes searching the screen as he looks over the image present.

It was something he had been working on as a side project. Something for Kate. With the kid being around for the foreseeable future, he figured finding something they can work on aside from her ability would be beneficial.

She was an interesting character, Tony had to admit. He usually didn't let much visibly surprise him, but she was a curious individual and he was looking forward to getting her out of her shell. There were certain moments or situations where Kate would surprise him, give someone sass or show a confidence he suspected lurked just beneath the surface - something she didn't reveal very often.

"Sir, Katelyn Sanders is about to get off the elevator."

Tony's brow knits as he looks over his shoulder, eyes meeting the closed elevator doors before he swipes the images on his tablet aside.

"Where's she coming from?"

"The lobby, sir."

"... Uh huh." Tony's lips part slightly as he processes the statement.

This wasn't the first time Jarvis had informed him. Whatever it was the kid was doing - going out at night, she seemed to be coming back alright. It wasn't his place to necessarily scold her for her actions.

The ding of the elevator finally opens and Tony doesn't acknowledge the movement of someone walking out of the space before stopping. In the following seconds, Kate goes to disappear back into the elevator.

"Goin so soon?" Tony speaks up, tapping about on the tablet screen. "You're out kind of late, kid… Three a.m.? Good thing I was down here and not your pops."

A gentle scold… a suggestive scold; not a full on scold.

"I was jus-... I wanted to get some air" Kate responds. She sounded a bit closer.

"Could've gotten some on the balcony," Tony turns and eyes the teen with an amused smirk. She appeared anxious but accepting of the situation.

"Regardless of whatever this is I am now a part of; just make sure you don't do anything rash on these little adventures you're taking." Voice laced with a hint of concern, Tony continues to eye the teen, seeing her gaze elsewhere.

"Adventures? Plural?" Despite her controlled expression, Tony can hear the amusement in her voice and gives a little chuckle before nodding to the side.

"Well you looked like a zombie this morning, and we only watched that show til around ten," Tony offers.

At his comment, Kate clenches her jaw and takes a couple steps to the side, blocking his view of her face as she crosses her arms.

Alright, m'probably pushing her a little too much.

"I won't pester you, go get some rest Kenai."

Tony may or may not have a small list of nickname ideas for the kid. Nicknames for her weren't coming as easily to him. T-1000 was the next one that came to mind but… Calling the kid a terminator wasn't appropriate. Especially now that he knows more about her. Those details… Made his skin crawl. When he looked at Katelyn, he didn't see someone capable of racking up a body count greater than two dozen.

Hearing the teen question the nickname, Tony blinks his thoughts away quickly before giving her an amused smile and a shrug - brow knitting seconds later.

"You haven't seen Brother Bear? Bah- we'll get you caught up, don't worry. For now I gotta keep thinking of some nicknames for you." Tony mumbles, eyes still on the tablet.

Preferably ones that don't label you a killing machine… Unfortunately something I don't think it too far off from what that Doctor Gordon was trying to turn you into.

Kate is silent following Tony's words, but doesn't wait too long to head towards the stairwell.

Once the door closes, Tony lets the tablet fall into his lap, brow knitting gently.

"Jarvis, I need you to scope security cameras within a five block radius. I wanna know where's she's been going and what she's been doing,"

"Will do, sir."

The rest of chapter 34 can be found here on FFN and here on AO3. Take a peak to keep reading!

Stay healthy, stay safe, sending lots of love. <3

Masterlist Here

#avengers fanfiction #dad!steve rogers #Steve Rogers x Daughter!OC #tony stark #natasha romanoff #clint barton #bruce banner #iron man #black widow #hawkeye #hulk #captain america #shield #nick fury

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cecilspeaks · 5 years

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155 - The Heist, part 3

Leave no stone unturned. Leave no rock unpivoted. Leave no pebble untwirled. Welcome to Night Vale.

My brother-in-law, Steve Carlsberg, is still in jail, wrongly accused of the recent bank heist. But I am happy to have my husband Carlos back home. The Sheriff’s Secret Police had only taken him in for some questions regarding the robbery of the Last Bank of Night Vale. Sheriff Sam had deemed Carlos a person of interest, which I’ve been saying for years, but Sheriff Sam meant it differently.

Carlos said while he was being questioned at the police station, he saw the other bank employees who were there the day of the robbery. Genevieve Daly, the new bank teller, was being asked if she saw anyone other than Steve Carlsberg near the vault that day. Carlos said she was stone faced, unhappy with the interrogation. Susan Willman was there, crying, as the police asked her who else, other than Steve Carlsberg, could have a key. And security guard Jesse McNeil was there looking quite ill, almost seasick, according to Carlos, as the police tried to badger him into implicating Steve Carlsberg.

Carlos has been home for a couple of weeks and in a terrible funk. He said Steve has a nearly impossible case. The police are convinced of Steve’s guilt and all their evidence points directly to him. Carlos hardly has any energy or emotion to work, or even leave the house. I feel awful for Steve too, and we are doing our best to support him and our family.

I tried cheering Carlos up by telling him my favorite science jokes, like two chemists walk into a bar and one tells the bartender, “I’ll have an H2O” and the other says “I’ll have an H20 too,” and the bartender says and sighs.. [fed up] “It’s been a long day guys,” and then the two chemists nod and say, [embarrassed] “Yeah oh god yeah sorry, just a couple of waters thanks.” And then later they make sure to tip very well. But Carlos didn’t even crack as mile, let alone laugh, and I asked him how his doorless fridge experiment was going and he’s welcome to work on it here, in his home laboratory. I don’t even mind if he keeps staining everything green with that weird gel he’s been using. “I ran out of gel, Cecil,” he said, prone on the couch not opening his eyes. “I couldn’t work on that, even if I wanted to. which I don’t.” Hm. I wanna curl up on the couch too, stay home from work. But I know that would be terrible for Carlos. There are many times I’ve felt flat or depressed, and Carlos has been there for me, keeping me company, taking in my sadness and reflecting back not a false smile but attentive eyes, a listening posture that makes me feel heard and understood, and that’s what I want to be for him. Besides, I think Steve can beat these charges. Steve may have been the only one with a key to the vault, but they cannot prove he opened the vault, as he was locked inside his own office during the robbery. And besides, Steve keeps very detailed accounting so they wouldn’t be able to find the stolen money, not even if he had taken it. Steve Carlsberg is… [moved] the nicest man in Night Vale. He’s a good boss, breaking his foot to get free to try to protect his employees. He’s a fine father. A loving husband. And a perfect brother-in-law. It’s just not... it’s not possible. You know, if someone on the inside did this, it was probably Susan. Susan Willman is the least trustworthy person in that bank, if not in this whole town. So if you’re going to…

[loud scary noises] Station Management just slit a memo under my door gently, reminding me about libel laws. The memo is written in fire on a sleep tablet, and there’s a snake curled around it so, uhh.. I’m going to leave my Susan WIllman theory alone. But. Let’s just say that there was an untrustworthy person in that bank, and that her name was Su..anne Wilt..son. Yes, Sue-Anne Wilson, yes and this hypothetical jerk was always complaining at PTA meetings about her own personal problems, rather than focusing on the agenda, let’s just say. And this Sue-Anne Wilson once accused Steve Carlsberg of censoring her, when Steve was just trying to finish the meeting in a timely manner so that the basketball team could se the gym for evening practice. This person might well hold a grudge against Steve Carlsberg and want to not only steal from him, but frame him for the crime.

Or, what if the Sheriff’s Secret Police… [loud scary noises] was doing a really great job, so great that they didn’t have a lot of arrests to make because the town was so safe. And of course, [chuckling nervously] they would never need to frame someone for robbery! So they would look like they were solving one of the major crimes in recent memory. Or maybe it was space slugs. Some distant aliens from across the galaxy somehow found our solar system and spotted our Earth, and then randomly chose Night Vale, and for whatever reason, they really wanted our money, so they went down inside the bank vault while the building was on fire, and without the safe key they entered the locked room because these space slugs can crawl through walls, and then they stole all the money. I don’t know! I feel helpless.[loud scary noises fade out]

Reading the news and getting angrier and angrier, but you know there’s little I can do about terrible things that keep happening. I’m sure you can’t relate. Maybe a community calendar will cheer me up.

This Saturday, the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex opens its annual Haunted Halloween Hayride. There was complications this year, because Ghost Union Local 31 went on strike for an increase in pensions and maternity leave. Teddy Williams, owner of the Desert Flower, argued that ghosts cannot retire nor get pregnant, but the union countered with vaguely human faces muttering in the shadows while Teddy screamed, and eventually, a deal was truck.

Sunday morning is the pie eating contest at the Night Vale fair. Contestants will be competing for a top prize of a 1991 Buick Le Sabre, autographed by former US presidential hopeful and Illinois governor, Adelai Stevenson.

Tuesday afternoon is a tedious song. Wednesday night is the high school dance team’s statewide semifinals at the rec center. Our own Night Vale High School is competing that night. Their top rival is Red Mesa High School, who will be performing a jazz routine called Tommy Tunes Broadway: an upbeat medley of classic show tunes. Night Vale’s dance team will present (--) [0:09:21] postmodern masterpiece (-): contemplative blend of sculpture opera and dance defined by its explosive physical bursts, chanting, and (contra-) movements born of a 22-member ensemble, who express the human body as a multidimensional art installation. Good luck to all dancers!

And finally, Thursday is sick, so Friday will be covering Thursday’s shift. Eh, except for the part about the haunted hay ride. That did not cheer me up.

I’m getting word that the Secret Police have made a breakthrough in their bank heist investigation. Or maybe they found the real thief and can let Steve Carlsberg go? [clears throat] Sheriff Sam said the lab reports came back, the fingerprints were inconclusive as their top suspect Steve Carlsberg worked at the bank, so his fingerprints were everywhere. But the lab reports did detail a strange goo police found on the vault walls. This goo, a light green gel, was also found on the walls of the cells that the other robbers had escaped from two weeks ago. So maybe my theory about space slugs is correct. No wait. The lab reports showed that this unusual chemical can render certain metals intangible, allowing people to reach through walls without breaking them. [stutters] Police believe whoever used this greenish goo used it to rob the bank’s vault and to free the prisoners inside the abandoned mineshaft outside of town. The Sheriff then said they discovered this exact same chemical on Steve Carlsberg’s property. They discovered it inside the shed behind the house, and that this is the final piece of evidence that links Steve Carlsberg to the robbery of the Last Bank of Night Vale. They believe that, oh no… Um, that Steve did not act alone, that he had an accomplice, a scientific mastermind who created this chemical for him. Who generated a complex concoction that enabled them to walk through walls stealing whatever they wanted. They have a warrant out now for Carlos’ arrest. I’ve gotta call Carlos. I- Oh, it looks like he left a voicemail.

[beep] Carlos: Hey sweetie, it’s um me. So listen, I have um, I so-so I’ve just been arrested. No biggie, no biggie, I’m fine. This is actually good news, because I wanted to talk to the Sheriff anyway about all this, so that-that’s great. And um, I do have some new thoughts about what happened at the bank, and they’re really interesting, so they’re driving me downtown to meet with uh ooh, ouch, those cuffs are a bit tight there, officer… officer (Q. Fortier). Ah, that is a beautiful name. I-i-is that Franchian? If you don’t mind, Officer Fortier, I’m going to just finish my voicemail to my husband. So Cecil. When I get downtown, I’ll explain everything to them, Steve and I clearly did not do this and that’s what I’ll tell them, they’re police! [chuckles] You know, they just wanna know the truth, and uh ooh uh, oh Officer Fortier, I am not done with my call yet. Uh sir, what-what are you doing with my pho- [beep]

Cecil: I… I… Let’s go to the weather.

[Good Luck with That” by Fathom All the Animals https://fathomalltheanimals.com]

Cecil: Listeners, we now go live to Steve Carlsberg’s press conference at City Hall.

Steve: This has been a difficult month for me, and for my family. I thank you all for hearing me out today. I’m glad to know that these criminal charges are behind me, and I think Sheriff Sam and their secret police, as well as their Overt Police, for listening to reason and overturning the charges against me. [sadly] But of course, I’m sad to learn about their most recent arrest. Breaks my heart to know that such a dear friend of so many years, someone who’s been in home many, many times, someone I consider family, could betray me, my bank, my town in this way. I don’t even know how to talk about such a breach of trust by someone so close. [crying] Carlos! Oh Carlos. Thank you Carlos, for your brilliant and thorough evidence that put Jesse McNeil in jail today. Our security guard of nearly 50 years committed a heinous crime, and he nearly sent the two of us to prison for it.

When Carlos arrived in my cell this morning, he was all smile saying he had figured it out. He called the Sheriff over and said, “Check Jesse’s skin for the same chemical they found on the doors.” Carlos had been experimenting on the gel that allowed him to reach his hands into refrigerators without opening the door, and thus lowering the temperature of the food inside. He’d developed this chemical. He’d developed this chemical in his temporary lab in a shed behind our house. The problem with the chemical wasn’t its effectiveness and intangibility. He had been able to make that work. No, the problem with the chemical is that it stained everything it touched a dull green, including skin. Carlos showed me his own hands, which were green from the fingertips to about halfway up his forearms. He said the last few times he had seen Jesse, Jesse looked ill. Not like a flu or cold, more like seasick: queasy, green in the face. Carlos didn’t put it together right away, because we all felt sick about not only the robbery, but the false charges against me.

The police report also showed that none of the cash tills on the teller wall were affected by the fire that broke out during the robbery last month. Which means the fire had to have started on the opposite wall, which is by the front door, Jesse’s usual station. The smoke from the fire and the three robbers waving guns provided a distraction for Jesse to cover himself with Carlos’ intangibility gel, sneak downstairs past my office, where he had locked me in earlier than day, and then unload the cash from the safe and carry it into the alleyway behind the bank where his car was parked. When the fire trucks arrived, Jesse ran deliberately in front of their hoses so that the gel would all be removed from his body before the police began questioning those of us who had been inside during the robbery. But, as Carlos pointed out, the gel stains the skin for a long time, water alone won’t remove it.

Sheriff Sam brought Jesse back in for questioning based on Carlos’ statements, and found Jesse’s skin was the same dull green as Carlos’ hands. But unlike Carlos, the green stain covered Jesse’s whole body, not only his hands, indicating he had used it to walk through walls, rather than merely reach to a door.

Carlos explained that he had Jesse in his lab many times, Jesse and all my employees come to my house regularly for dinners. Like I said, they’re family to me. Jesse had taken an interest in Carlos’ science projects, so Carlos showed Jesse his doorless fridge experiment. Not long after that, Carlos noticed that the rest of his intangibility gel was gone. He thought he had just run out, even though he had made plenty of it. Never occurred to Carlos, until he saw Jesse’s green face a few days ago, that Jesse had stolen it to remove the money from the vault and his criminal colleagues from their jail cell. While I was the only person with the key to the vault, Jesse as a security guard was the only person with master keys for the rest of the building. My office door is never locked, so I don’t carry a key for it. Jesse knew this and locked me into my own office. Then his three collaborators Richard, William, and Emma created a fake robbery of the cash tills to distract from his heist of the vault. Sheriff Sam was impressed with Carlos’ explanation and arrested Jesse McNeil on the spot. Jesse turned to Carlos and Sam and said: [very deep voice] “I guess I’m going to jail now.” Sam said: [Sheriff Sam voice] “Don’t flatter yourself!”

Anyway, I finally get to return home, thanks to my brother-in-law Carlos. Thank you Susan Willman for managing the bank in my absence. Abby, Janice, I’ll be home in a few. Can’t wait to see you both again. Oh, oh, maybe I’ll bake some scones tonight! Carlos showed me a way to do it without letting the butter too warm. Oh-oh yeah!

Cecil: I’m so relieved and so glad they put the right person behind bars. And I have never been so excited to try one of Steve’s scones. That really is neat.

Stay tuned next for someone playing on a saw. No, ahem, (-) that, with a saw. It’s just someone playing around with a saw. Enjoy.

Good night, Night Vale, Good night.

Today’s proverb: Wisdom ages like fine wine. Knowledge ages like Boston lettuce.

#welcome to night vale #wtnv #wtnv transcripts #episode 155 #the heist #the heist part 3

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judefan824-blog · 4 years

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echoing the pronouncements of his defense

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pablohelenablog-blog · 5 years

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THE HIDDEN BEAUTY OF ARAYAT PAMPANGA

Our world has a lot to offer. It gives us millions of reasons to live, to love, and treasure what we got in life. Being able to see its beauty is such a wondrous gift that we must be thankful of. Come on and ride with us as we share to you a glimpse of what Arayat, Pampanga has to offer in tourism.

There are countless of spots that you can visit once you come here. Below are some of the places that I've been to together with a good friend of mine.

•Palm Cabanas Resort

Recently, Palm Cabanas Resort opened its door to the mass. A week before the opening, we were invited to feature the resort to inform the public that a new vacation area/events place is about to be unfolded. The resort has its own cafeteria (Cafe Cabana) where the drinks are so refreshing especially their different tea and coffee blends, two function halls, and even its own restaurant (Kusina de Cabana) which offers various types of cuisines.

The ambiance of the place made me feel like I am somewhere out of my town because of the serenity that you can feel. It has wide-open area with camera worthy sceneries which is good for picture taking. It was just a bit disappointing because it does not have that much trees, it is sunny, and sandy. If you don't want to be tanned, better if you will put plenty of sunblock into your skin or bring your hat or umbrella to cover your self from the heat of the sun. Nevertheless, it is a cool place to stay with any time you want to.

For more info about the resort click the links below.

•Bahay Antigo

Bahay Antigo is located at Paralaya Arayat, Pampanga. While we are entering the house I feel that there is something about this house that no can tell. Also, we were amazed because it's our first time to enter the house and to see it's beauty not totally inside but the outside of the house. The structure of the house looks like new but it also have some renovation . Like their make it somehow half modern and at the same time old style. As you enter the house you can see a small chapel there and it looks creepy and it makes me to have a goosebumps. After that there is like a fountain at the side of the house it looks beautiful and you can take as many photos you want or if you like some instragrammable photos just go there. We expected to go inside of the house but the housekeeper of the house won't let us in because of some issue and order by the real owners of the house. I was disappointed that I never got the chance to see some old stuff of house even Helena but I know someday I'm gonna see them not to today but in the future. There is no single history about the Bahay Antigo but Its oldness will serves us as the history. If you want to go here just have a permission and give a token for the house keeper.

•St. Catalina de Alexandria Parish Church

Another highlight of the Arayateños is the St. Catherine of Alexandria Parish Church in Poblacion Arayat, Pampanga. As we enter the church I expected that I'll be the one who will introduced everything about the church because Helena is an I.N.C and I'm the only one talaga . Also, It's a big Honor to introduce the church as a product of AHCEFI . Did you know that the Church was one of the oldest churches in Pampanga, it was founded by the Augustian Priest. The church has so many events that was happened long ago. Also, It was renovated inside and outside from the façade going to the sanctuary but the main altar is still original. The St. Alexendria Parish Church is open for everyone no matter who you are or what you are because God does not choose any person.

Did you know that our late President Manuel L. Quezon and his Wife Dona Aurora Quezon visited the St. 6Alexandria Church Parish in their times.

Baliti Dam is known as the Arayat's Fishing and Boating Hideaway. It has been the "go to" place of the tourists which leads the Mayor of Arayat to renovate this two-hectare dam not just to satisfy the people, but also to help the tourism in the city.

Baliti Dam is a perfect place for a perfect date with your lover, friend/s, family, or anyone that you wanna be with. You can enjoy feeding and catching fishes, or just ride the boat and think about why life is like this.

• Baliti Dam

A castle-like house structured by stone was once a tourist attraction then, but slowly faded because it does not given the attention anymore by the people through the previous years. It was made of stone because it's always burning and being circulated by termites due to the place where it is located, near the foot of the mountain. Bahay na Bato was used to be a mini resort but then eventually closed.

Fun fact!

GMA Channel 7 made this as their location for their fantasy series "Illumina" back then.

•Bahay na Bato

What a nice thing it is to have this dam which releases volumes of water to irrigate the 5.6 hectares of farms in Pampanga. Cong Dadong Dam plays a huge part to the community. Aside from it helps the people to have a source of income by means of fishing, it also helps the tourism. People come to this place to have and feel the calmness and peacefulness that they need.

Another fun fact!

Some of the clips from the movie "100 Tula Para Kay Stella" and the music video "Balisong" by The Juan's were taken here.

•Cong Dadong Dam

•Arayat National Park

A perfect place to bond with your love ones during summer is the Arayat National Park. It is one of the tourist spot that Arayateneos are proud of and the Park is an Eco-Friendly society. Every year the park gained a lot of tourist because of It's Beauty. It's not your usual kind of resort that you see because the water from the pools are coming from the mountain no chemicals added, the park is part of the mountain and you can do a lot of things because of the natures beauty. Don't ya worry the entrance price is just 50 to 75 pesos only that anyone can afford it. We all know that there's a lot of bad reviews about the resort but don't just look on bad side look on bright side. Aslo, there is this 100 steps going to a top and going to the Arayat tree House and this is a perfect view to look at.

One more tourist spot that the arayateños are proud of is the Tree House or also know " Bahay Kubo na nakatayo sa itaas ng puno". It is located at San. Juan Bano Arayat, Pampanga and its I near the park just hike it your there already. The park is perfect place for jogging and for some bikers also. As you enter the place you can see a lot of Nippa Hut and another instragramable things that you can take. The Arayatenos are accepting tourist you can go during Monday to Saturday from 5 am to 6 pm.

All in all, we had a good time together with new pips in our 10 enjoyable immersion days to see the hidden beauty of Arayat, Pampanga. Kapampangan is well know as Culinary Capital of the Philippines. We don't just serve yummy foods but we serve also a good nature of ours here in Pampanga. It depends on what your expectation are and what you want to get out during summer and etc. If you want your stress to relieve just go to Arayat, Pampanga a lot of hidden stuff you can find and the arayateños are waiting for you!

"TARA NA, ARAYAT PAMPAMPANGA NA YAN!"

• Tree House

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