#and our fucked up homelife

[todolist-nothing07]

Charles’ backstory really opened up a whole new can of trauma worms for me and I was not expecting to relate so hard. And if I said I was sobbing then what?

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for ignoring my ex's threats of suicide?

this is a very old story, but it keeps eating at the back of my brain because i feel like the asshole in the situation, even though people close to me say im not.

i (19nb) broke up with my girlfriend (16f) and told her that we may get back together in the future. we broke up because she was incredibly emotionally draining, it was a long distance relationship, and also, i felt uncomfortable being nearly 20 dating someone in high school (i was also uncomfortable with our age difference for the year prior, but thats a whole other can of worms).

after breaking up, i stayed in contact, because she was my friend and i still liked her as a friend, just not a partner. she had some pretty severe home life issues, and had made extreme comments before ("nobody loves me, everyone hates me, no one would care if i disappeared" those sorts of things). now, i personally chalked it up to be a mix of teenage angst and homelife issues, but she had never made outright threats on her life before. it was always vague, or just an outright meltdown that i would care for her during.

i told her i was taking time for myself, and would probably not date anyone. a few months pass and i meet my then partner (now spouse). i know i fucked up in not telling her that i was seeing someone new, but i didnt really want the backlash of her screaming and yelling and crying over this, so i didnt tell her we were dating, just that i was spending a few months in his country (he had a place of his own, was older and more financially stable, it made sense at the time) and we had grown close.

it came out during a call, about 2 months into me dating and living with my partner, and probably about 5/6 months after i had broken up with them. she had asked if/when i was moving back home, and i told them i didnt know, because i was planning on living in his country. she asked if i was dating him, and i didnt want to lie, so i said we were. she got incredibly hostile, telling me that i shouldnt have lied to her and that i had said i wasnt going to date anyone. she completely melted down, getting incredibly angry to the point of tears, before telling me she was going to end it.

i panicked at that point and started trying to help her through tears, telling her i would do anything, before my partner took my phone from me and blocked her on that social media, calmly telling me to message her friends the situation, and that it wasnt my issue to deal with. i finished blocking her on our other socials (with her messaging me that she was so sorry), did what he said, and waited.

her friends confirmed she was okay later, but they were upset with me for not sticking around and helping her through her suicide attempt.

i still feel like an asshole, even though its been nearly 4 years since its happened. i feel like i should have done literally anything except what i did. ik my partner did the right thing, but also. i dunno. i feel bad i guess.

[therealvinelle]

From what I can tell, in the actual books there's just one line from Sirius saying Alphard left him some gold, and not much other canon mention of him. How did Alphard become such a big character in your fics/Tom Riddle's love interest?

You know, that's a very good question.

The true and full story behind how Alphard Black became an important character in our fics is laden with a lot of spoilers and back-and-forth, though I will say it wouldn't have happened at all if @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin hadn't already used him in When Harry Met Tom. When we later then needed to add a character for The Man Who Would Be King, Alphard's name lent itself easily and on discussion we found he was the only that really fit the role we needed a character to play. He went on to become a surprisingly large part of secret fic, now we've imprinted on him like baby ducks and he's in everything.

So, what makes Alphard Black so fitting for what we need him to be?

We have little to go on from canon, but compared to some of the other characters fandom has decided on characterisation for, we at least have something to go on when we make stuff up. Oh, we have to conjecture, fabricate, and headcanon away, and for every possible Alphard Black we draft up someone could have used those same clues to create a different Alphard, but we would both be following certain constraints.

By contrast, characters like Alice Longbottom or Abraxas Malfoy have very strong fanon characterizations, a lot read into them, but I'd argue we have just as much, if not slightly more, to go on with Alphard Black.

With that said, here is the information we have on Alphard and how Muffin and I used every bit of it to make up as much as we could.

Teen pregnancy 1.0: Pollux edition

Alphard's sister was born when their father Pollux Black was twelve, and his father married her mother. Going by his young age, I assume this was so Walburga wouldn't be a bastard. Walburga, by her painting's ravings, appears to have spent all her life in 13 Grimmauld Place, she feels a connection to "the house of my fathers" and always had a strong sense of Black identity she tried to pass on to her sons: I think it's a very fair assumption that the Blacks raised the baby, and not her mother's family (as her mother would have been in Hogwarts as well or else a statutory rapist, either case spells a grim homelife for Walburga).

Now, Alphard's birthdate is unknown since he's struck off the family tree, but it was sometime between 1925 and 1938.

Muffin and I have decided that he was born the next year, since this gives Tom a dorm mate, and more importantly it gives Alphard a teen father, one who learned nothing from last year and assumed no responsibility. Tom now has a fucked up dorm mate, and we didn't have to (completely) invent a character.

You now have two kids raised by family members not their parents since their father is a literal thirteen-year-old, and the generational age gap is so narrow that when Walburga starts school her paternal aunt Dorea is canonically a fifth year. They want for nothing materially and the family does step up, but the complete parental absence in their life has an impact.

For the sake of funny, we thought Arcturus Black, who is already raising Lucretia and Orion, is our candidate for raising his cousin's spawn. Now Walburga's marriage to her second cousin is to someone who was raised alongside her, which is funny and so awful. Another feasible candidate is Cygnus Black, Pollux's father and currently raising four kids, but... not as funny.

Teen pregnancy 2.0: Cygnus edition

Cut to 1951. Alphard is a happy bachelor, his father has stopped having kids (legitimate ones anyhow), Walburga's happily married to their cousin, and then... their brother Cygnus does a booboo.

Bellatrix is born, Cygnus is thirteen. Andromeda's birthdate is unknown, but must have been while he was in Hogwarts because Narcissa is born in 1955, while he is still seventeen.

The same problem as with Pollux arises with Bellatrix: who wants baby? And, as with Walburga, I think a fair argument could be made that the Blacks took her in, not the Rosiers.

There are many options here (and can't rule out the Rosiers), but I think it's fair to assume Bellatrix went to live with close family.

Per the Black family, this gives us three options that I find feasible: Walburga, Alphard, and Pollux.

I don't think it was Walburga, I think that would inevitably have come up in canon, either as Walburga lost her shit when Andromeda eloped, handled her grief differently after Regulus died if she had surrogate daughters, or Sirius had a different dynamic with Bellatrix. The Orion-Walburga-Sirius-Regulus family unit doesn't come across at all as having had three nieces raised alongside the boys, so Walburga's a no.

Which leaves us with Alphard, Pollux, someone in the Rosier family, or extended Black family raising Bellatrix.

Pollux, per his wild youth, might not be topping the lists. One could posit that Pollux wants a second shot at parenting and would take in his granddaughter based on this, but he already has Cygnus if he wanted a second shot at parenting. Still, he's a candidate.

So is Alphard, however, who is living alone and has no wife to worry about, no children of his own, and a pile of gold. Per his choice to give Sirius gold after he ran away, one can also assume he's one to come through for family, which fits with taking in his much younger brother's daughter.

TL;DR: we can't prove Alphard Black didn't raise the Black sisters, or at least care for them in their early years, but someone must have and it might as well have been him.

Let there be no pregnancies and no marriages

We then enter the bit that had Muffin go "oh, gay. I will use him in my fic" long before any of the detective nonsense to come up with the above, which is that Alphard did not marry. Now, that could mean anything, perfectly straight people don't marry and gay people do marry.

However, from 1938 through 1960, no Black heirs are born. Which isn't necessarily a long time, on the contrary, Cygnus has been supplying the family with children for years now, luck just had it so they're all daughters who can't pass on the family name.

Still, taking a step back, Orion, Walburga, Alphard, and Lucretia (who married a Prewett) are all adults who are just not having any children. The Orion and Walburga are perhaps not even married, we don't know when they married, and it could be they married specifically because neither of them had found anyone else to marry and there were no sons. Alternatively, they married earlier but then did not have children until they were in their mid-thirties. Considering Lucretia's childless marriage, it might be some Blacks struggled with infertility.

A bit of nerding about why I think Walburga waiting so long to have children is odd

The tldr for Western European demographics is that if you can afford to have children and provide for your family, you will marry and have children early. The upper classes have historically married and had children much younger than the lower classes because of this. The mother's education will also impact when she has children - higher education means having children later.

I think we see this reflected in the wizarding world, in that education is both low (arguably nonexistent, considering the curriculum at Hogwarts) and in magic making material considerations Muggles must make obsolete. And we do see a lot of young parents - Lily and James are both 20 when they have Harry, Andromeda is maximum 24 when she has Nymphadora Tonks, Molly Weasley is 20 when she has Bill, Narcissa is 25 when she has Draco, Fleur would have been 23-25 when she had Victoire, Harry and Ginny are 26 and 25 when they have James Sirius, Hermione and Ron are 26-27 when they have Rose...

Young is the norm.

And with the Blacks, who were lineage obsessed, and where Walburga is never reported to have had a career keeping her busy, I find it very interesting that Walburga doesn't have children until she's 35.

There are three possible explanations I can see:

Walburga and Orion didn't want to have children, and waited for Alphard or Cygnus to get on with it, only for Cygnus to only have daughters and Alphard to have no children at all (bit unlikely since they had two sons, a couple who pointedly did not want children would have called it quits after the first)

They had fertility issues

Walburga and Orion did not instantly marry, but waited for years until it became clear Orion wasn't going to find anybody else, Alphard apparently not either, and Cygnus said "fuck you all, I've contributed three kids already", at which point Walburga and Orion were both single, both cared about the lineage, and went for it.

We've gone for option 2 since it's just funnier to have a pair of cousins all over each other at Hogwarts, "Aren't they-" "Yes and they're very happy together :)", but I think option 3 is pretty feasible too.

Either way, you can read into Walburga and Orion from the late births of their children and you also get free Alphard characterisation, because his choice not to marry starts to look rather pointed.

Back to Alphard

While the Blacks were not dying out at the time, they also weren't swimming in children. Only Cygnus was passing on the family name, and that was exclusively to daughters, and he went on to have no more (legitimate) children after leaving school. Pollux wasn't having any more (legitimate) children, and while there are and grandfathers uncles on the family tree who could do the deed they were quite old, many unmarried, and most importantly they canonically had no children.

We're down to Alphard, Orion, and Cygnus having to pass on the family name, with Orion and Walburga a decade into their marriage with no sons to show for it. Sure, Cygnus could have sons, but that would be placing all their dragon eggs in one dragon basket (and indeed, he had no sons).

Why doesn't Alphard marry?

The family must have brought it up, if not pressured him. Alphard not marrying in a world where arranging a match would have been the easiest thing in the world looks to me like a deliberate refusal.

The giving of the money to the Sirius

This all brings us to the one thing we know for sure that Alphard did in his life: he willed money to Sirius after he'd been disowned.

We know Alphard was not a blood traitor prior to this, or he'd have been burned off earlier.

I frankly take this to mean Alphard most likely subscribed to pureblood supremacy, or at least he did not mind it enough to do anything else to cross his family. Giving money to Sirius isn't a political act, it's an uncle providing for a family member who has suddenly lost everything.

(And, if we assume Alphard himself is gay: it's an uncle who sees his nephew run away from home to be with his best friend, and perhaps drawing a few conclusions of his own about the strength of Sirius's friendship to James. There are many ways to interpret his choice to support Sirius financially, is what I'm saying.)

It also seems a distinct overreaction to me that Walburga would burn him off the family tapestry for something like this, and... it seems very much like one angry, mourning, woman's way of hurting a brother she can no longer confront. If she had been hoping Sirius wouldn't make it out in the wild and be forced to return, then Alphard giving him money would be a betrayal of the highest order.

Walburga putting a cigarette to her wallpaper isn't the same as the entire Black family disowning Alphard posthumously, it's an act of grief and anger.

Where we make things up wholesale

I'll go ahead and assume Alphard was gay, had a good and stable but slightly fucked up family life, and got overly attached to his dorm mate Tom Riddle as a stranger to all of this who perhaps seemed above it all. I also vote he raised Bellatrix, Narcissa, and Andromeda, because it's a more interesting option than Pollux. (In case you didn't notice, Muffin and I subscribe to the Black family being as fucked up as we can reasonably make them.)

Vinelle, what was the point of this?

My point is that we may not have any canon appearances to go on with Alphard Black, but we do have dates, biographical facts, what he did with his will, a few statements from Walburga's insane painting and other characters, and a whole lot of imagination. And an obsessive tendency.

And a willingness to say "Mm, no. Can't read. Sorry, that fact's just wrong." when we don't like things (more specifically, Sirius's phrasing making it sound like Alphard died not too long after Sirius ran away from home, which would make him dead for The Man Who Would Be King, a fic that takes place in 1982. We will assume Sirius meant "gave", not "left".)

Wee.

[beaniebeensbaby201]

JJ x sister reader, John B x gf reader, kie x reader Platonic

Summary; Reader is the younger sister of JJ as she is dating John B. During a party Rafe was talking shit about fucking the younger Maybank, which caused John B and JJ to punch Rafe and to start a fight. Y/n left to go to the bathroom as Kie was puking as she was Very drunk.

Warnings: underage drinking(DO NOT DRINK UNDERAGE), cursing. Violence, smut but not smut, cat calling.

Tonight the Pogues decided to throw a party at the boneyard. It's been a while since they've decided to throw one. Y/n and JJ stayed at the chateau again, John B still doesn't know about their homelife as she didn't want him to worry.

John B was raking his fingers through her hair as she was still asleep on his bare chest. His eyes closed as the sun kissed his tan skin.

The sound of pounding on the door startled the younger girl as she thwacked her head against John B.

The two groaned in pain, as JJ shouted on the other side.

"Damn it JJ, imma kill your blonde ass!" John B chuckles as he lightly pushes the girl off of his chest to get up.

She grabbed hands towards him as she whined.

"Nooo, don't get up." She continues to whine as John B bends down and kisses the Maybank girl.

She places her hands in his hair and plays with it as she bites his lower lip.

She smiles into the kiss when he pulls away, even though he didn't want to.

"JJ and I have to get the party ready." John B goes to grab a Hawaiian shirt and leaves it unbuttoned showing his toned abs.

John B left the room as we bid our last goodbyes. I was still naked underneath the sheets as I waited for the guys to leave. The boys left as my phone dings.

Kie: Wanna go surfing?

Me: Sure, John B, and my brother and Pope went to get some juice for tonight.

The shades were opened to the window as I saw that the van was gone. I always kept a bag here, most of my closet is in John B's room.

I stretched as I heard a slight crack in my back. I pulled out the top drawer that holds all of my bikinis. I noticed a lavender thong underwear and my strapless top.

"That bastard." I muttered under my breath.

I quickly put the bikini on, as it was his personal favorite.

I heard the door of the chateau opening and the door to John B's bedroom opening.

I heard Kie cat whistle as I giggled. She claps as I bow as she lets out cat calls.

"John B is a lucky guy." kie was wearing a red, purple and blue strappy bikini top, short shorts and her red Nikes.

"He stole this bikini. I've been looking everywhere, and he said he had no clue where it was." Kie laughs.

"You might wanna fix the girls, they're a little wonky." She points, as my boobs looked awkward. So I quickly put my hands in and grabbed then adjusted the top.

She gives me two thumbs up as she grabs my hand.

"We finally catch a break from trying to catch the gold. We're so close, I could taste it." She raises her hands in her curly brown hair as she puts it in a ponytail.

"JJ still wants me to go to school, he was going to give me half the money for school. Me and Pope are still dreaming of the same school." We grab our boards that rest outside.

"Are you and John B planning on getting married?" I smiled softly, my face heating up at the sudden topic.

"We've talked about it a lot. But we were going to wait it out, let the moment happen." I shrugged as we started to run for the beach.

"Well when you two do get married, I called dibs on maid of honor." I let out a laugh, she was my first choice to begin with.

"You're my girl Kie." I said.

Time passed as we continued to surf. We hadn't realized the time as we heard our names being called. I looked up and noticed my brother, Pope and JJ waving at us.

"Parties over Kie!" I shouted for the girl as she was a little farther in the ocean.

I started paddling back to the shore, Kie not too far behind me.

"Can't you put some clothes on?" JJ covers his eyes dramatically while throwing a towel in my direction.

"It's the beach JJ, you think I wanna see my twin half naked too?" I lifted my eyebrows at him as I noticed John B staring at me.

"It's almost time to party." I said as I wrapped an arm around John B as I give him a kiss at the corner of his mouth.

"I thought we made rules when you two started dating?" I throw the now damp towel that I used to dry myself off and throw it at JJ.

"It's getting late, we should start getting ready, kie." I started to enter the chateau as I felt a tap on my ass as I let out a yelp.

"Hands off her man!" JJ complained once again.

"You wore this on purpose, didn't you?" I shrugged my shoulders as we head towards our shared bedroom.

"Maybe." I dragged out the word in a teasing tone.

"I see that my brother takes a liking to you?" I wiggle my eyebrows at her as she punches my arm.

"Shut up." She blushes as she turns her head.

"Which top?" I raise my pink sparkle crop tank top to my body, and then I raise a tube top black and white stripe top.

"The pink John B will be all over you." She said while hugging herself and turning around making kissing noises.

"At least he's good in bed. The first boyfriend I've had that gives me the best orgasms." Kie sticks her finger in her mouth and makes a fake gagging noise.

"You two are like rabbits." I laughed as I brushed my y/h/c that was knotted from the salt water.

I found one of my short denim skirts and placed it over my black laced thong.

Kie once again the cat whistled at my outfit as I did a little dance.

"He's going to love it!" We both continued to laugh as we left the bedroom.

"What are you wearing!" JJ shouted as I rolled my eyes again.

"Clothes JJ." I said pinching my shirt and letting it go.

"That barely covers your chest?" I giggled when I noticed a silent John B.

"You're going to get flies in your mouth, fish boy." I giggled, putting his jaw up so that his mouth closed.

"You look sexy." He purred, grabbing my waist not caring that our friends were watching.

"Dude!" JJ said as I was about to lean in to kiss his lips.

"Shut up JJ." We said at the same time.

John B grabs my hand in his as I skipped out of the chateau when I felt Kie grabbing my other arm.

"You know Kie stole your girl?" I heard JJ say as I wasn't holding John B and was talking to Kie.

"I had her first!" She calls out as I giggled again leaning against the light skinned girl.

"C'mon! Let's get a drink." We both rushed towards the keg, I noticed John B was still with the guys by the bonfire as I was on the other side with Kie.

"It's been so long since we've had a party." I said leaning against a rock as I noticed two guys that looked unfamiliar come up to us.

"Can we help you?" I asked, not wanting to get hit on.

The guy looked me up and down as if I was meat, I rolled my eyes with annoyance.

"What's your name, hot stuff?" I give Kie a 'are you serious?' Look as we both looked at the two Tourons.

"Listen bud, I got a boyfriend." I pressed my hand to his chest to push him off me, only for him to try to lean in closer towards my fave.

His breath smelled like beer as I turned my head.

"She said leave her alone." I mentally thanked my brother for coming to the rescue.

"And you're the boyfriend I assume?" I gagged at that.

"I'm her twin, and you're making my sister uncomfortable. And she's taken, he's a better boyfriend than a guy like you." JJ got closer to the Touron as he got up in his face, as if he was trying to act bigger.

"JJ!" I give him a warning look to stop him.

"What are you gonna do about it punk?" He shoves JJ making him spill his drink.

"JJ, no!" He took the first punch causing me and Kie to stumble back.

I noticed John B coming by.

"What the hell?" He asked as he was standing next to me.

"The guy kept harassing Y/n." John B had a look of anger in his eyes, as he threw JJ off the guy.

"Hey! If you ever look at my girlfriend again, don't." He said, as he threw another punch to finish off the fight, only for the guy's friend to shove him away.

The four of them got into a fight, as y/n found the bucket of ice that was empty from the beer and dumped it on the guys.

"Knock it off! You're acting like children! JJ you've got to start learning to be the bigger man. You Touron need to stop being an A+ douche, and John B." I said, causing the boy to look at me. He had a bloody lip, and a black eye.

"You're coming with me." I grab his hand and angrily walked towards the chateau.

"You idiot! You decide to join JJ!" I exclaimed as he was resting on the bathroom sink as I was between his legs.

He had his hands on the belt loop of my denim skirt. He kept moving his head as I used the Alcohol to clean the blood.

"Stop squirming." I huffed, pushing his hair away so I could clean the cut on his forehead.

His brown eyes staring at me as I worked on his cut. I give him a soft kiss to his lips not caring about the metallic taste that left.

"Don't join my brother in his fights anymore, especially when I had it taken care of." I pleaded.

"But I'm your boyfriend, I should've been the one to fight the guys in the first place." I sighed, placing the cotton ball down and grabbing his face.

"I love you John B, you and JJ don't always have to fend for me." I kiss his lips again as he gropes my butt, a small moan leaves my lips as we continue.

"I love you too." He mumbled into the loving kiss.

[the-owl-tree]

Honestly very fucked up of firestar to name bramblepaw brambleclaw. Imagine all through your childhood you're compared to your murder dad then the man ypu look up to most is like "hmmmm yes. I'll name you after him :)" meanwhile your sister is thriving in another clan after she ran away to escape your toxic homelife. I would've also ran away

tawnypaw: no one’s ever going to let us forget who our father is. i want to be known for my accomplishments, not my father’s crimes.

bramblepaw: but can’t you see? if we work hard and prove ourselves, we’ll be able to escape our father’s legacy and prove we can be great and loyal warriors :)

firestar: im going to do something the kids call a “pro gamer move”

[ashes-writing]

stranger things ●  the new girl pt 4 ● g.emerson

warnings

a little angst. bullying / mentions of how shitty some people can be. reader has kind of a crappy -read lonely, homelife, 'idiots in love / bicker like an old married couple trope, fluff, PDA - hugging, hurt comfort, flirting, confrontations and occasional fights, drinking, mentions of weed -probably-, eventual filth, maaaybe.. female reader warning, kept her vague though, aside from clothes/basic personality/hair and the fact that she's a rich girl + anti popularity for reasons unknown.

word count

2264 exactly. welcome to part 4, babes, ig.

y'all are gonna be tired of my bullshit holy shit. because this might actually be a slow burn kind of thing..

summary

continued from ( here pt 3 ) being the new girl isn't fun. but you're starting to become friends with Gareth now and you're also starting to realize that you want more.. traash my summaries are traaash man.

taglist

-- taglist is ( here ) if you want to be added to it, lmk or add yourself! :)

@tbmunson - you knew I was going to tag you because we love our drummer sm. You inspire me so much bestie. I hope you like this.

@allelitesmut

@chaoticcancer

@dylanwritesgood

@just-a-blue-nerd

@littlestarfighter03

other links

masterlist ●  gareth's masterlist ●  about + rules

You roll your eyes when you spot Andy making his way over to your locker. Beside you, Molly speaks up. "I don't know why you're so annoyed, I mean..c'mon. He's popular and hot."

"I'm pretending I didn't just hear that come out of your mouth, Molly. He's a disgusting prick." you whirl around just in time to keep him from touching you by tapping your shoulder. You're smirking up at him. "I was just talking about you, Andy."

He steps closer and you grimace, stepping away. "Yeah. I was telling Molly here that you're a disgusting little prick."

"Bitch."

"Thank you. I'll take that compliment." your smirk grows. 

Molly speaks up. "Well I think you're handsome." She steps closer to Andy and he cringes. "Gross. I wasn't asking you, Moo."

You and Edith share a look and roll your eyes at the way she's so quick to throw herself at a guy who consistently calls her a cow or moos when she walks past him in the hallway. When Andy calls her a cow, she looks crushed. Embarrassed. You step between them with a hand on your hip and Edith does the same. "Fuck off, shrimp dick."

"Aw, cmon. Don't be like that. Give me a chance."

"Is he fucking brain dead?" You mutter to yourself before speaking up again,"Yeah, we're not doing this. Cmon,Molly. You don’t have to take his shit. We're leaving now." 

You and Edith grab her by the arm and drag her away, turning down the hall that the art class is on so you can wait for the room to empty and hang out with Maria and Adeline like usual. 

As soon as you're standing off where you think you are out of earshot , you look at her in concern after smacking her upside the head. "Seriously? You want the guy who treats you like shit?"

"Maybe he'd stop. Maybe I could get to him."

You grimace. "Those assholes never change. They grow up and get meaner."

"At least I'm not all in love with some little loser freak." Molly glares at you, folding her arms over her chest. You laugh. And you step closer. "Wanna repeat that, Molly? Call him- or his friends freaks one more time, Molly.." 

You're angry now, stepping up to Molly as you shake your head at her in disappointment. "Know what? I'm done. Done. At least he doesn't treat people like shit. None of them do from what I've seen."

"You heard me." Molly steps up to you and she's got this bitter look on her face, shaking her head as she continues, "Y’know, I don't understand you, ____. You could have it all. And what are you doing?" she pauses, shaking her head at you. "You're such a dumb bitch. I'd kill to be in your situation. Do you know what I deal with, ___?"

"No. But do you know what I deal with, Molly?"

"What could you possibly go through, huh? You’re beautiful. You're  smart and at least boys look at you like they want you and its not just to humiliate you. You have a big house." She pauses, taking several ragged breaths, "Your parents let you do whatever you want and they're never around to butt in. If you don't wanna come to school, nobody's forcing you, I mean..didn't you miss like 3 days just because you weren't in the mood to be here?"

You laugh bitterly. "Yeah. I guess I really have it made. Fuck you, Molly."

You storm off and shove through the handful of students who have overheard the entire thing. In your haste to get away and cool down, you completely miss the fact that three fourths of Hellfire -Gareths friends Jeff, Eddie and Ethan, have all overheard the entire thing and most importantly, what they didn't hear was you, rushing to deny any accusations Molly made about the way you feel about their best friend Gareth.

Which goes a long way in making the three of them realize that you're not being put up to being nice so one of the assholes can turn it into a cruel prank later. It makes them realize that they were right, you were holding back a lot whenever you were around them with Gareth lately. But it wasn't for the reasons they thought.

Edith processes what's just happened and she turns on Molly in disgust. "Y'know.. I'm starting to realize how ugly your bitterness makes you. Find another way home after FHA this afternoon." and she turns to scramble down the hallway, colliding with Eddie Munson in the process. "Either of you see where ___ went?"

"She bolted. I think she's outside or the bathroom. What the fuck was all that?" Eddie asks, gazing at the Edith in concern. "Molly's been jealous of ___ since she moved here. Because she likes Andy. And Andy likes ___ but she hates him. So that, sir.. that was Molly Fletcher making a real dumb decision because I'm done."

Eddie chuckles. Tugs at the collar of his Hellfire shirt when she refers to him as sir because he's…not expecting it to have the impact it does. Edith speaks up again. Quietly. "Could you, um.. I need to get by you?"

"I scare you real bad, huh?"

"Nope. Just that I need to get to her." Edith holds his gaze and Eddie steps out of the way, letting Edith take off to find you. 

Meanwhile, you're in the girls bathroom and you're sitting on the floor with your knees to your chin because everything Molly said got to you. Made you think about exactly why you have a hard time making friends. Why it's so damn hard to open up easily. You feel bad for her and you know she catches hell but it just makes you so angry that she didn't even hesitate to turn on you and Edith when the two of you were trying to get her out of a bad situation. 

The door opens and Edith peeks in, hissing your name. "Back here, Edie." 

"Found her, Adi."

Edith, Adeline and Maria wander in.

"You okay, ___?"

"Fuck that bitch. If she wants Andy let her have the damn prick."

"Holy shit, you guys.. Eddie Munson is kinda like.. pretty."

You laugh and you're quick to jam the heel of your hands into your eyes to stop the tears. "Guys, she's probably just saying that because they always bully her so bad.."

"Girl." Edith smacks the back of your head lightly. " Aht.Aht. what we aren't doing is giving her shit a free pass anymore. She was foul."

"What Edie said, ___. She's been jealous of all of us at one point or another, we just kept trying because everyone else was so horrible to her." Maria holds out her bag of chips to you.

You reach in, getting a few out for yourself. "I'm just so mad. But then I stop and think about it and I feel bad for her."

"Yeah, don't."

"She's been a total brat lately. Don't waste the time and don't let her get to you, girl."

"You good?"

"I guess."

"C’mon. I'm starving and I'm going to eat lunch in the actual cafeteria for once. She can suffer."

Maria and Adeline pretend they can't pull you up and it makes you laugh. You stop by the mirror and grimace. "The one day I don't have my damn makeup bag with me, I'm gonna spend the day with runny mascara."

"It'll be fine, girl. It's actually kind of hot."

"It's not, I look like shit."

"Hot shit though. Fuck everybody else, alright?"

You nod.

And as the four of you are bracing yourselves to go into the cafeteria after the huge scene Molly made, Eddie, Ethan and Jeff have all sat Gareth down at the Hellfire table and they're telling him what he missed while he was talking to a teacher about extra credit. 

"Wait.. what happened?"

"Well, Andy cornered __ like usual. And ___ was a smartass, like usual.." Eddie trails off ad Gareth goes off on a tangent about how many times he's told you to stop antagonizing Andy. Eddie clears his throat and reaches out to stop Gareth from getting up, "I wasn't finished. Sit the fuck down, Emerson." 

"Okay, what else happened?"

"Molly Fletcher tried to hit on Andy I guess. And he did that shit, calling her a cow?" Jeff grimaces and Eddie continues, "So ___ and that librarian looking chick, the kinda hot one, they got her off to herself. Trying to be friends. That kinda blew up and the next thing we know, ___ and Molly are in each other's faces and Molly unloaded on ___, dude. When she said something about us, ___ got in her face and kinda shoved her a little. But get this." Eddie pauses dramatically, just long enough that Gareth is giving him a dirty look, "Well?"

Eddie chuckles. "I'm getting there, man."

"So get there already, man."

"Molly went off, said something about her being into you, man and ___ didn't exactly deny it."

Gareth blinks. "Huh? Look, is ___ okay or not?"

"Dude you're missing the big picture here. ____ basically admitted she likes you..without admitting it."

"No she didn't, that's not how that works, Munson. Is ___ okay or not?"

"She's upset right now…some other shit got said by Molly and ___ was tearing up when she ran past me." Eddie admits. "The short version is this man.. we were wrong about her."

"I fucking told you guys she wasn't gonna turn into one of them. Where did she go?"

Jeff notices you as you slip into the crowded lunch line with your friends and he nudges Gareth. "There she is."

Gareth is heading over to talk to you and Eddie stops him. "They can sit with us. If they want to."

Gareth gives him the thumbs up and makes his way up to you, tapping your shoulder.

You whirl around, the glare on your face softens when you find yourself body to body with Gareth. "Hey."

"Hey. How'd it go with Mrs. Lane?"

"She said if I write a stupid fucking paper I'll get the credit." he answers, stepping closer to you because your eyes are still red from crying. He tilts your chin when you look down to make you look up at him. "You okay?" he asks in concern.

You shrug. "Its dumb, grump."

"What happened?"

"Molly's a bitch. She probably doesn't wanna talk about it." Adeline answers, gazing at Gareth. "It was pretty bad."

"Adi, what the hell? It's not a big deal."

" She shouldn't have said the stuff she said. In front of everybody in the hall." Edith responds, "Stop defending her. Some people don't deserve it."

"Edie, they treat her like shit. Some people don't just shut down like me." you coax, giving Edith a pleading look.

"Stop being nice. She doesn't deserve it."

"They're right ba– shit, ___ I meant.." Gareth wants the floor to open up and swallow him. Edith catches on to what he almost called you and nudges Adeline and Maria. "We're gonna go find a table."

"Okay."you call out after them.

You turn your attention to Gareth, you heard his almost slip up but you're torn between happy and trying to tell yourself you misheard.

"What did she say?"

"Nothing." you lie about it because you don't want to bother him with your bullshit. Because you really like him a lot and you're not taking the risk of doing anything that will mess up your friendship.

"She said something, you cried. Try again, ___." Gareth coaxes, pulling you against him gingerly.

"Fine." you take a deep breath or two and then you tell him everything, all of it. Including why it bothered you enough to make you cry.

"Shit." he grimaces as you finish, " Fuck her for that."

You shrug, "I'll live, Gareth. It just..stirred some things up."

"Yeah. Kind of sounds like it." he lets you go reluctantly and if it weren’t for the teacher giving him serious stink eye, he wouldn't have. 

You frown a little once he's let go because you miss the way it felt to have him hugging you. "Hey, if you wanna sit with us, ___, you can."

You nod. Your friends are all giggling, Edith even gives you a thumbs up as you walk past to sit. And by the end of lunch, Eddie has gotten so tired of having to shout from the Hellfire table to your friends table that he gets annoyed, stands up and makes a big show of dragging that one over to the end of the Hellfire table and gesturing to it, "Okay, now we can all yell up and down the table..like civilized people."

"Boo." Edith is taunting him, giving him a thumbs down. Eddie flips her off and everyone laughs. You pick at your food a little and Gareth notices. "Thought you liked salads.. yknow, I'm starting t' think you're gonna turn into a bunny on me."

"Bite me, grouch."

"You probably taste like lettuce, bunny. I'm good." Gareth teases. 

"Oh haha. Think you're so funny,huh?" you flip him off, and pick up your fork, stabbing a few pieces of lettuce. "Better?"

"It'll work." Gareth shrugs, taking a bite of his own food and grimacing as he shoves his plate away. "What is this shit?"

You laugh. "You picked it."

"Eat your salad, bunny. Then if you're lucky, you can have some of my fries."

[catierambles]

"Who is she?" Syverson asked, and August sighed on the other end of the line.

"Based on your description of her, Evelyn Peters."

"How do you know her?"

"I worked with her once." August said, "She's got this creepy ability to where if she doesn't want you to know she's there, you won't."

"Which is a fuckin' superpower seein' as she's a six foot five ginger built like an Amazon."

"Probably why she formed it." August said, "To not be noticed."

"What do you mean?"

"The CIA doesn't recruit people with a stable homelife and two loving parents, Sy." August said, and Syverson closed his eyes briefly. Damn.

"What's she doin' out here?" Syverson asked, "Besides gift wrappin' us intel."

"I don't know."

"August."

"I don't, and that's the honest truth." August said, "Shortly after we worked together, she got scooped up by a Shadow Division."

"The CIA has a Shadow Division?"

"Every one of the Alphabet Mafia does, but ours is... more shadowy than normal." August said.

"What do they do?"

"I don't know definites, I've only heard rumors."

"Such as?"

"Everything from highest priority assassinations both international and domestic, super soldier projects, to the fucking occult. Each one gets more outlandish than the last." August said, "I don't know what she's doing out there, why they sent her out, but I can promise you that your mission is not hers. They just overlapped a bit. They don't care about grunts playing in the sand. They've got more important things to focus on."

[found--family]

GK 1x08

holyshit what an ep. SO. MUCH. HAPPENED: 

Lincoln is the fucking head of the court of owls. 

i confess i did NOT see that coming given he came off as a smug clueless douche and the way he showed Harvey the coin and the fact the Talon attacked him; kudos to the writers and the dude's acting on this twist bc once it happened i was like, of course! makes sense! and yet i didn't see it coming. this is great storytelling. i want to be surprised. i want to be proven wrong in ways that make sense for the characters - Lincoln fits the court of owls leader role so well both in personality and surrounding plot. 

Lincoln also knows about Harvey fucking his wife which does not bode well for our man. 

i'm gonna theorise right now that Lincoln is responsible for the Two-Face attack, obvs. still undecided on whether it will be intentional (seems likely) or if Harvey tries to save Turner or Rebecca and ends up being collateral damage (this speaks more to a villainous outcome imho bc the attack comes while he's trying to be heroic) 

we got a glimpse of fugue!Harvey - triggered by the piano music courtesy of the court. 

seems like the court [re:Lincoln] has been using fugue!Harvey for nefarious means, and now that Lincoln knows Harvey is a homewrecker he's going to use fugue!Harvey to ruin Harvey  

fugue!Harvey was at the owls meeting. 

Harvey wakes up in an owl mask spattered with blood; we saw Lincoln stab Cressida so either Harvey was present in the woods or at least the party - seems more likely the amount of spatter came from the Talon being beheaded, and since Harvey has bloody hands maybe he helped move the body. I wonder of fugue!Harvey has killed anyone besides the mayor.

Turner has been taken by the court. 

what do they plan to do with him? test the electrum? that could be an interesting outcome 

shoutout to Stephanie's homelife breaking all our hearts. 

her mom is addicted to pain meds and her dad is in denial about what kind of help she needs and they both blame Steph, fuckmeup 

Turner/Duela friendship or maybe more? 

Duela wants to find Turner asap and screw the danger of it. it's nice to see her legit caring about someone bc while i love her snarky one-liners and overall persona she was a little detached from the rest of the gang for lack of emotional connection, so thankyou for that writers! 

we learn Duela's mom is a con artist still in prison. 

idk if it's Harley Quinn bc I know nothing about the comics but this mention makes me pretty confident we'll meet her mom at some point 

So! i have questions and theories: 

who ordered the Talon to attack Lincoln? 

was it Rebecca? this makes sense given the Talon didn't harm Harvey. but surely Lincoln would know she did it, and she would know that he knows, bc she would also be an owl. 

was it fugue!Harvey trying to take Lincoln out from the inside? this also makes sense given the Talon didn't harm Harvey. 

was it Lincoln? the Talon didn't kill him afterall, and the attack took place in Harvey's office as if to implicate him - but Lincoln didn't know about the affair at the time. 

fugue!Harvey is a court member. 

did he become a member of his own volition and the court discovered a way to trigger him? or did the court induct fugue!Harvey with a promise to let him out to play? 

this makes Lincoln coming to him with news of recieving a coin intriguing: was he testing to see if Harvey recognised owl stuff? 

it also makes Lincoln's comment about Harvey being a two-faced politician that much more delicious since he knows how true it is. 

Rebecca??? 

given that Lincoln is the leader(?) of the owls, surely Rebecca must be a member as well. 

i do wonder... is she playing a long-con with Harvey somehow? maybe she wants out of the court and her marriage and to be with Harvey, or maybe she wants fugue!Harvey with her all the time and they could both live forever courtesy of the court's electrum hunt? 

admittedly she is my least favorite character bc i find her boring and cliche, but that may also be a smokescreen hiding more interesting characteristics and plot yet to be revealed. 

Two-Face. 

Lincoln might use Harvey (not fugue!Harvey) as a test subject for the Electrum as revenge for sleeping with his wife; it risks Harvey becoming immortal but maybe the science isn't there yet so it's basically just torture and possibly death. BUT: things go haywire (maybe Turner rescues Harvey, maybe the machine shorts-out, mabye Harvey gets free) and we end up with scarred Harvey and the emergence of Two-Face - who also might be kind of immortal (not to the extent of the Talon but more indestructible than the average human). 

the 1x09 promo gives us more to go on: 

"so many things about your life suddenly make sense" 

spoken by Lincoln over footage of Turner and a memory of his parents(?). this goes with my theory that Turner's parents were also court members, or perhaps knew what the court was up to and sought out Bruce Wayne's help stop them, perhaps bc they knew Alan Wayne once betrayed the owls? 

Lincoln stabs/tortures Turner 

given what we learned about Electrum being meteorite material and how an old doctor (was it Lincoln?!) experimented on the city's poor people with it, perhaps Turner's ancestors were experimented on and now he holds the key to unlocking how to successfully administer Electrum? this would mean Turner may be unkillable, so i can't wait to see how that plays out if true! 

however: the Electrum procedure already worked on the Talon so why would they need Turner? well, bc the Talon seems to be a mindless servant whereas Turner has intellect and free will ie. he's a fucntioning independant human being which is what the court wants. 

it may also be that Lincoln is just trying to get the whereabouts of the batbrats bc they have the map to the Electrum 

Someone staggering down the hallway 

flashback of poisoned Bruce? there are bats, afterall (probably hallucinated but still apt) 

more likely it's Turner trying to escape Lincoln who is holding him hostage in Wayne manor, and the bats are real (they swarm Lincoln at one point) 

i'm sure i'll have more thoeries and thoughts on a rewatch and once i see what the rest of fans are saying, but this is what i'm musing on right now. and for all the twists that happened at the end of the ep i'm SO excited for next week! 

[1800nosleep]

bird song hcs + pics pt 2 !!

alr you know the drill, lets go man

once again these pics are not supposed to look like the characters !! and some songs are not supposed to be time accurate !!

"dal! put your shirt back on! "

"lyd its hotter then the depths of hell, i am not putting my shirt back on" 

hot summer days when it's humid are lydies least favorite days. the hot sun is always beating down on her and being trapped in a house or car is the last thing anyone wants to do, especially not when pools are all on the soc's territory, dal, and lyd sat outside hoping that something up above would make the heat stop

all of the gang slept in verano's new van, they were traveling to a concert and the concert was in northern texas so it was a decent drive down. darry and ronnie switched driving for a few hours while the rest of the gang either slept or chatted quietly. johnny and pony slept in the middle row with dally and lyd while soda, two bit, vinnie, and maude sat in the very back row.

the quiet sounds of the rolling stones played in the front row as darry and verano spoke about the trip back.

"lyd wake up, i made breakfast"

"hm? what?"

"i made hotcakes"

lydie got up and followed maude into the kitchen where vinnie sat, drinking his morning, black coffee. the table was set up, with syrup, plates, cups, and silverware

70s! vinnie braiding his adopted daughter's hair as maude made them dinner. jimi hendrix played in the background as incense burned.

"quit movin'! you're gonna make me fuck it up"

"sorry vin"

lyd and vin always go for car rides when they are upset, pissed off, or if they just need to talk. vinnie gets off of work and picks up lyd for a drive. vinnie listens to lyd rant and vice versa. their homelife being as terrible as it was, they only had each other when they were growing up, so they always took care of each other.

70s! dal and lyd moved back to NY, while on the trip, lyd turns on the radio and your song by elton john is playing.

"I don't have much money, but boy if I did," lyd sang as dal rolled his eyes and kept driving, "I'd buy a big house where we both could live" lydie looked over at dal as the song continued.

"if i was a sculpture, ha, but then again no," dallas muttered, as lyd smiled, "or a man who makes potions, in a traveling show."

"i knew, you knew the song," lyd said softly as the song continued without the two singing.

once johnny got old enough to leave his home, he moved in with dal and lyd in upstate ny, and he finally got out of tulsa. he rode a greyhound down to nyc and rode a bus upstate. he surprised the two and they took him in. their house is a small little bungalow with a few bedrooms. pony decides to go to SUNY near the bungalow. so he's near johnny. soda and darry visit them all the time, along with two bit and steve.

okay!! thanks for reading and please send in your own hcs !! mwah mwah !!

[kariachi]

i am salty about mutants on this show, namely the fact we see all of one who isn't a violent criminal, which is weird when ben 10 can manage to have all these secondary characters, but only one gets to be a mutant, plus what we see of their lives doesn't seem..., pleasant?, i mean kevin's homelife in implied to have been bad, cooper appears to be neglected, clancy was so isolated he was willing to kill to preserve a *building* he associated with a loving relative, malware's everything is a disaster, mike mentions that he and his parents aren't really in contact which ain't the sign of anything healthy, we could afford an episode about the aliens in the watch being alive and concious, that we never bring up again, we could afford fucking couples retreat, and deadliest gameshow, but heaven forbid we have one looking at mutants- of which one of our major characters apparently is, motherfuckers, worldbuilding is all i ask, you had plenty of bullshit episodes that added nothing, replace a few, achi rants,

[princess-of-the-corner]

So here's a question:

I know we all dunk on Endeavor because he is. Ya know. An Asshole™. And most of our main cast probably doesn't like him if they know about the family stuff.

But like. How does the public react to him? How do coworkers who /don't/ know about his homelife see him?

Because just.

I see people dunking on Endeavor's ability and personality overall and just.

The man made it to the #2 Hero spot entirely on his own and has held the title for a long ass time. The only person he's losing to is All Might who is.... Well it's fucking All Might. More than a Hero, he's a Symbol of Peace. Of course Endeavor can't surpass him on his own with that kind of image already built up.

So like. Just.

I would assume that he is actually very good at his job. And even if he isn't as warm(ha!) and fuzzy as some other Heroes, he does have enough charisma to be enjoyed by the public.

Right?

[multi-musemenagerie]

What do the harem (+ Aizawa and Stan) Think about this anon whos coming after Iida?

Guzma: "Look, I didn't have the best home life either, so I guess my question is why're we comin' for the kid and not jusr burying his parents alive?"

Kenshin: "I don't think I follow the issue, his homelife seems very normal to me, however it does seem as if maybe he is not getting the love he needs from his parents? It concerns me he was expected to return to his duties so soon after such a violent incident."

Shigaraki: This is the shit I keep talking about. Heroes are shit. He should have been allowed to kill Stain if you ask me. Only fair.

Bakugo rolled his eyes. "Fuck glasses, but I guess I don't see the point in dragging him for shit that already happened. Nothing is going to change. At the end of the day he's going to have to go home to them isn't he?

Moonknight grimaced, "I just think the kid needs a hug and someone to tell him he's doing a good job. He's wound up too tight for sixteen year old."

Stan laughed, "Yeah, kid 's gonna have hypertension by the time he's twenty."

Bruno twisted his poncho anxiously. "Makes me think of Luisa. He needs a break, but he needs that break validated by his parents, otherwise it's not going to make a difference you know? They're just gonna keep piling stuff on until he... breaks or worse."

Hawks sighed deeply pinching the bridge of his nose. This all sounded very familiar, he was a great example of exactly what happened when a kid like Iida grew up. No friends, no social life, no sleep, vice problems, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideations. "It's good someone is telling him. Maybe his family could do family therapy or something."

Larry frowned, "It's sad, the kid needs help. I recommend a Chansey, a warm meal, and a hug. I think he also needs someone to undo the damage his parents have done."

Aizawa grimaced, "I'm going to put in a recommendation to our schools counselor that he gets another check in."

[the-resurrection-3d]

Why is incest bad anyway?

I want us all to just take a moment and appreciate this ask.

Did you take a moment? Okay then, let's continue:

The most robust answer is that, in the vast majority of cases of non-accidental incest, it's abuse or otherwise has directly resulted from a dysfunctional environment. A parent raping their child is a very obvious example of abuse, but most people who argue for consensual incest are discussing incest between siblings, so I'll unpack that one a little more. Every case of consensual incest that has ever been presented to me has been the very obvious and direct result of a dysfunctional homelife -- even cases of children sexually experimenting without an obvious perpetrator and victim dynamic are the result of a lack of properly set boundaries (and, often, sexual abuse on the part of one of the children -- acting out sexually at a very young age is a very common hallmark of csa).

Further, power dynamics exist between siblings-- even often between identical twins-- which compromise the capacity for consent even into adulthood. For example, my younger brother and I are only three years apart -- he's an adult and we both live away from home -- but I still have certain kinds of power over him within the larger structure of our family that, if pressed, could put things like his financials in danger. The actual shape of these dynamics depends on the family-- sometimes the younger sibling is more favored by the parents, which causes the older sibling to lash out at them in private -- but they still exist.

The only exceptions would be the accidental incest I mentioned above, or foster care cases where you've been raised apart and have no prior relationship with each other. The latter is the best case for consensual incest, but it also seems to be the rarest, and in a way only counts as incest based on the genetic condition of its participants. But I'm not a huge fan of the genetic arguments-- you know the ones, that incest is bad because the kids will be fucked up. Sure, you're not wrong, but that leaves a lot of obvious holes: is gay incest okay now? what if the sister gets on birth control, or gets an abortion? what if one or both parties are naturally infertile, or just have really great pull-out game? This also leaves out adoptees who genuinely view their adopted family as their /family/, and for whom incestuous abuse would still be playing on a lot of the same kinds of power dynamics as "real" incest.

Basing your critique of incest in power dynamics accounts for all of this, which is why I called it the most robust reason. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[justcallmedust]

Found another old dating profile from late 2017 on Ashley Madison, which is a dating site specifically for married people looking to have affairs. There seemed to be a decent amount of communication between him and several women.. thought I cannot confirm that yet - but I will.

I think there will be no end to the amount of profiles I find if I keep looking. There doesnt seem to be a time when he was ever just satisfied with me. I've never been loved by him, no matter what I've done.

I don't want to die in this situation, desperately trying to hold onto something that was never even there. Just plain desperate. I'm pathetic. Trying to make our homelife less violent for our kids is literally killing me. I can't keep up being hyper attentive toward someone who looks at me like a damn fridge. I provide a service to this family and allow him the freedom to just do whatever the fuck he wants while I try to keep these kids happy and healthy.

I passed another kidney stone yesterday, it was so horribly painful I could not even see straight. I took some edibles for the pain and tried to continue helping this man clean and organize his garage space. I tried to hard to just hide the pain and be there to help him, because I know the second I take my attention off of him he will wander.

My kids are worth the effort to keep him less angry, but I wont survive long. I will likely die of kidney disease or failure before I ever feel loved.

I just want to be enough, that's all. I just wanted him to look at me and see enough.. to look at me and match my efforts to keep me happy... to even show a tiny interest in caring for me.

This is killing me.

[sakurakitsume]

Okay, a little disclaimer before we get into this. I am okay, just voicing my thoughts. This is to be a bit.. therapeutic for me, ig?

It's incredibly difficult to exist, or do anything, nowadays. It's been months since the incident, but it hasn't gotten any easier.

I should be able to continue life just fine. Like, that's how healing works, right? I just keep on going and everything gets better.

Especially considering how he treated me. The people who knew my irl would tell me he was abusive or possessive or manipulative for so long and I didn't believe them. He kept me isolated from my friends and made me feel guilty and ashamed if i ignored him. If i dared make new friends he'd guilt me, begging me not to leave him behind.. meanwhile he'd ignore me and barely talk to me for days, weeks..

I spent years of my life dedicated to this man. I became involved in a project he and his friend were - are? - making, to a point of contributing much more on his behalf than needed. We spent everyday for the past four years talking. When he started self harming it was put on me to stop him. When he was depressed it was up to me to take care of him. He pushed everyone away and there were times he threatened suicide if I didn't talk to him. I had many break down where there was too much on my plate - it's not like my homelife is brilliant, nor was dealing with highschool when genderfluid. But fuck it, i did it.

But during our first year of uni he begged me not to leave him behind, just because i was making friends. I got depressed and my anxiety worsened. He hardly did anything. He'd come to my dorm room and for a while he helped. Then as the year went on he started seeing me less and less - after having stayed at mine to save money frequently - and then stopped messaging me.

I poured my life into my relationship with him - when it was romantic and when it was just a friendship

And he threw me away like trash over a misunderstanding.

Healing is.. a difficult process. What memories i do have from the past few years have him present. And even then my trauma response is kicking in and they're all going black.

I'm doing my best to just keep going and everyone expects me to not care about him anymore.. but that isn't possible. I still care..

[bananonbinary]

my mom keeps mentioning shit i “owned” as a kid and im just now realizing my sister literally stole like...ALL my shit. like christmas and birthday presents and everything, and made me believe they were hers to begin with and she was being so generous by letting me borrow them

what the fuck im 22 years old and im only now starting to unpack how fucking terrible and gaslighting and just not sisterly she’s been to me my entire goddamn life