#and people who believe in harmless stuff like crystals

[sapphire-writes]

Ch. 3: Aemond Sees A Ghost

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summary ~ Aemond tells you everything.

word count: 4.0k

warnings: NSFW/MDNI ~ dubcon (possession), kissing, grinding, spooky stuff, thunderstorms, mentions of death, themes of loss

note: I'd say we're halfway through our spooky adventure! smh I can't believe it! I hope you enjoy loves!

banner made by the fantastic @ewanmitchellcrumbs, ilysm ange!

“I want to know everything.”

The kettle whistles noisily before you remove it from the burner. Aemond sits in his usual spot clad in checkered pajama pants and a gray cotton t-shirt. You wonder how he isn’t cold, your bare arms are covered in goosebumps and you wish you’d grabbed a sweatshirt before leading him down to the kitchen. 

There’s a constant unearthly chill in this house. You set the tea in front of him, his fingers brushing against yours as you sit beside him. 

“Harrenhal,” he says softly, as a floorboard creaks overhead. You both glance up at the ceiling, watching as the chandelier trembles, the crystals reflecting the dim kitchen light. 

You’ve seen it happen before when people walk upstairs; when little Jaehaera runs down the hall, when workers are moving down the hallways. The hour is late now, the workers have gone home, and little Jaehaera is tucked safely in her bed. 

The floorboards above creak, regardless of the truth. 

“We’re not the only ones here,” you slowly begin, eyes falling back to Aemond’s face, “We’re not the only ones in Harrenhal. Are we?”

Aemond is silent for a moment.

“No,” he says softly, “We aren’t.”

Tea turns to coffee as the sky lightens. 

And Aemond tells you everything. 

“Ghosts,” you breathe, “But…that’s not possible.”

“It is,” Aemond insists, “There is something here. Some energy….the locals are right when they call this place cursed. Tragedy befalls anyone who holds it.”

Your skill prickles with goosebumps. Aemond holds it. What tragedy will befall him? You think of Alys, of the sudden death of his wife. 

Perhaps his tragedy has already unfolded. 

“It was Harren, last night,” Aemond tells you, “And his sons, I presume. The original manor was burnt to the bare bones after they created it. With him and his sons inside of it. A terrible fire.”

A chill runs through you at the memory.

“I’ve encountered them before. They’re rather harmless,” Aemond continues, “Simply walking the halls throughout the night. Others are not as pleasant, but…harmless. For the most part.” He pauses, glancing up at you.

The hair on the back of your neck stands at attention.

“What others?” you ask, though you’re unsure if you want the answer. 

“The ones I’ve encountered throughout my time here,” Aemond sighs, rubbing his eyes. The ring on his hand catches your eye; stamped with the Targaryen crest.

You’d see another just like it. Daemon’s face flashes across your mind.

“Your uncle was here,” you tell him, watching as his spine straightens, his shoulders tense, “He knows about them too I presume? He said some things---I’m sorry….it was when you were away, I nearly forgot-”

“What did he want?” Aemond interrupts, staring at you with a renewed fire in his eye.

“He just wanted to speak with you,” you tell him.

“Did he bother you? Was he inappropriate?”

“He was a bit flirtatious, that’s all,” you assure him, cheeks warming at the memory. 

Aemond bristles at that, his hand clenching into a fist. Your stomach flips with embarrassment, the burning sensation on your cheeks spreading down your neck.

“I apologize for that,” he says cooly, “He’s a vile creature.”

You place your hand on top of his fist, “It’s alright.”

Aemond’s gaze softens, and he places his opposite hand on top of yours. You lose yourself in the sensation of his hand on yours for a moment, a pleasant swooping sensation in your lower stomach. You hold his gaze, desire burning hot in your belly. It’s you who looks away first, feeling embarrassed about the intense longing you feel for your employer. You shouldn’t be thinking like this.

“Who was screaming?” you ask, bringing the conversation back to the ghosts.

You can almost hear it still, the sound of screaming echoing in your mind. You’re not sure if you’ll ever be able to forget, even when Harrenhal is simply a memory. Aemond only stares.

“I don’t know,” he says finally, “I’m not…sure.”

You don’t know which answer you’d hoped for but find that the one Aemond gives brings you no comfort. 

Jaehaera hates thunderstorms. 

This is mostly due to the fact that the nursery has a balcony with French doors overlooking the God’s Eye and backyard. When it is sunny, warm rays light the room making it appear bathed in gold. But when it rains, water is hurled violently against the glass echoing throughout the room.

The nursery also has a closet on the opposite side of the room; the doors are made of mirrors. The room was once used as a dance studio, you could tell the moment you’d stepped inside. The wood floors are scuffed from years of use. You can’t help but wonder who danced there.  

This is exactly why Jaehaera insisted on a sleepover in the main living room that night. She suggested it during dinner when thunderclouds were just starting to roll in and turn the sky an eerie gray color. 

“I like it,” Helaena spoke, surprising you, “Let’s have a proper campout.”

So you found yourselves dragging blankets and pillows down the stairs into the living room, assembling a blanket fort with Aemond’s help, and sitting inside of it. The small space was rather cramped with the three of you inside; baby Maelor was already sound asleep in his bassinet.

Helaena was quiet the majority of the time, besides when she was quietly humming to herself. She seemed happy though from what you could tell. As happy as Helaena could be. She always had an air of melancholia around her. 

“I have a story,” Helaena says. 

It is the first time she’s spoken that evening. Jaehaera stands behind Aemond braiding his hair as she often does. She glances at her mother, giving her a toothy grin. 

“A long time ago,” Helaena begins, her eyes looking somewhere far off, “There was a girl dressed in green locked away in a castle.”

“I like castles,” Jaehaera comments, continuing to braid Aemond’s hair.

“She was young and beautiful, and very, very sad,” Helaena continued, “She wed the king, and became a queen. It was everything a girl should want. But she didn’t want it at all.”

You watch Helaena as she taps her nails against the cup of tea she holds. They’re painted silver; Jaehaera’s doing. The paint is chipped around her thumbs already. A nervous habit you’d noticed. 

“Why not?” Jaehaera asks, her nose scrunched as she pouts, “I’d like to be a queen.”

“She was in love with the princess, you see, and never wanted the old king. But he took her anyway because that is what men in power do. They take pretty little girls and keep them locked away.”

“Did she have children?” Jaehaera asks.

“She did. Many. She loved them all dearly. Beautiful children they were, and they were all taken from her. She outlived them all,” Helaena continues, “Mad with grief, the queen locked herself away this time.”

Helaena sips from her cup, a smile twitching on her lips.

“I never understood Daisy before having a child,” she muses, switching away from her story, “Before having a girl. I hope she’ll be a fool.”

A shiver rolls down your spine as Helaena locks eyes with you.

“That’s the best thing a girl can be in this world. A beautiful little fool,” she says softly, eyes flickering toward her brother, “Mũna said the same thing once, didn’t she Aem?”

Aemond holds his sister’s gaze, “I don’t remember.”

“I’m sure of it,” she says, mouth stretching open into a yawn, “You’d read aloud and Mũna would stroke your hair. You always liked that book.”

“I like a lot of books,” Aemond says, the top of his cheeks turning pink as he reaches behind him and lifts a giggling Jaehaera into the air as he stands, “It’s late, zaldrīzītsos. Time for bed.”

“I’m not tired,” Jaehaera insists, though she echoes her mother’s yawn.  

You all exit the fort, Helaena retiring to the couch. She lays on her back, stretching like a cat. 

“Mhmm,” Aemond says, depositing her into Helaena’s arms on the couch.

He tucks them both in, turning the remainder of the lights off before joining you on the makeshift mattresses on the floor. You can only see the outline of him in the darkness; the curve of his nose, the twinkling of his eye. 

“Is Helaena alright?” you whisper, and he presses a finger to your lips.

“Yes,” he breathes, thumb tracing your lower lip, “Thank you, for doing this.”

“Of course,” you whisper, barely breathing as his finger traces down your chin, “Are you tired?”

“No,” he says softly, his hand sliding down the curve of your neck, “I’m a bit of an insomniac.”

Your breathing becomes labored as his thumb strokes your collarbone. You wish you’d worn something else, not the ratty old band t-shirt you’d chosen paired with some sleep shorts.

“Oh,” you say, unsure of how else to answer him. 

Your thoughts scramble when he touches you, as though his touch short circuits the wiring in your brain. He says your name then, so softly you almost miss it. He’s close enough to kiss, all you need to do is lean forward and his nose will bump against your own.

His hand falls from you. Eyes adjusted to the dark, you watch as his tongue darts out wetting his lower lip. 

“Aemond,” you say softly, and he reaches for you again, this time lacing his fingers through yours, “Will we be alright down here?”

His eye flickers around your face, his fingers tightening in your grip.

“I won’t let anything happen,” he assures, “To any of us.”

You choose to believe him. He sounds so certain, he truly believes it. There’s not a doubt in your mind that he wouldn’t do everything in his power to protect Helaena. Jaehaera. Maelor.

You.

You rub your thumb against the smooth skin of the back of his hand and soon your eyes grow heavy as sleep overtakes you. 

You wake in the middle of the night, closer to morning than to midnight. The sky is still black as ink, the sounds of rain splattering against the many windows. There is no room for stars, the entire night sky is blacked out by rain clouds. 

Jaehara snores contentedly next to you, wrapped up in her mother’s embrace. Helaena’s sleeping form curls into her daughter, holding her in a cocoon of warmth. Mother and daughter look incredibly alike; both share the same nose and soft pout, their fair brows relaxed in sleep. The bassinet next to them holds a sleeping Maelor, his tiny nose scrunched as he dreams. 

You sit up from your spot on the floor, looking around the dark room. It’s hard to see anything before the room is illuminated by a flash of lightning. Aemond is no longer beside you. The room descends into darkness once more, and goosebumps rise on your arms as a chill enters the room. Helaena stirs in her sleep, pulling Jaehaera closer. A mother’s unconscious need to keep her daughter close.

Lightning flashes and the room is lit once more, a shadow dancing near the stairs. 

“Aemond?” you half whisper, as thunder booms through the sky.

The thunder is not as loud as it was earlier that night; the storm must be moving out. You rise from the floor, letting the blankets fall to a pile at your feet. It’s cold, much colder now that you’re in your sleep shorts and T-shirt. You move toward the staircase, around the corner, and down toward the kitchen. Perhaps he’s making tea.

When you enter the kitchen, it’s empty. No kettle whistling, no lamp, and no Aemond. A noise behind you causes you to turn.

There’s that shadow again.

“Aemond?” you call, louder this time. A small smile appears on your face.

Could he be playing a trick on you? Nervousness stirs in your belly, and you decide to follow, exiting the kitchen. You walk up the stairs, watching as the shadow dips down the left hallway, towards his study. 

Warmth floods through you, desire lodging in your stomach. It spreads through your limbs thick like honey, like you’re floating down the hall instead of walking. Your head buzzes, thoughts fuzzy as you reach for the handle of the door, opening it. 

Aemond looks up from his papers, a surprised look on his face as you close the door, pressing your back up against it. You’ve never been here before. The room is cozy. Warm. How can it be so warm when the rest of the house is so cold?

“You were gone,” you tell him, though it's phrased more like a question.

“I told you, I’m an insomniac,” he says, the corner of his lips quirking into a smile, “Did you miss me?”

“I always miss you when you’re away,” you tell him, surprised at the words that leave your mouth, the raw honesty behind them.

Aemond’s lips part, and his lashes flutter at your confession. You walk deeper into the room, letting your hand trail across the spine of the many books that decorate his shelves. 

“You’re always away,” you tell him, tingling with anticipation, “I never see you anymore.”

“What do you mean?” he asks, as you turn to face him.

“This room,” you muse, “It’s like the heart of the house. Warm…tucked away.”

His cheeks are flushed, eyes focused on your face rather than the generous amount of thigh you’re showing. You glance down at your chest, watching your breasts rise and fall as you breathe then bring your eyes back to him. 

You walk towards him, still tracing the spines of the books that line his shelves. Your hand drops as you round the corner of his desk. Aemond has pushed himself from behind his desk, still seated in the large leather chair, his legs spread wide. His lips are parted, watching you in awe. 

“I just want you close,” you admit, stepping forward between his legs.

Aemond tenses as you place your knees on either side of his waist and straddle his lap. He groans as you sit, resting your weight against him.

“Y/N….” Aemond says, holding his hands up in surrender; he won’t meet your eyes.

You wrap your hands around the back of his neck, lacing your fingers together. 

“Don’t you want me?” you whisper, tendrils of your hair tickling his sharp cheekbones. 

Aemond looks up then, eyes meeting yours and you watch his resolve crumble. He lowers his hands to your waist, before letting them rest at the junction of your hip and thighs. The air between you is heavy, your ears are ringing as you connect his mouth to yours. 

Fire burns brightly in your chest, warming your whole body as he kisses you. He tastes just like you’d dreamed he would; spearmint and tea, and something else that is entirely him. Rolling your hips against him you grind against the hardness forming between his legs. Gods he feels big.

You moan into his mouth, your mind happily buzzing as he squeezes the swell of your ass. His kiss is like a drug, like pure heaven racing through your veins. Your limbs are heavy, thoughts scattered and hazy. 

That’s it. “Fuck me,” you whisper, nails digging into his scalp, nipping at his lower lip before sucking it between your own. 

It’s bold, it’s lewd.

It’s not you.

Aemond groans, lifting you from his lap as he stands, and places you on his desk. You continue to kiss him, to tear at his button-down like a marionette on a string. Something is wrong. Nothing is wrong, just like that.

“Gods, you’re incredible,” he breathes, and you want to scream, to tell him to wait, not like this.

Not when it's not you. Not when your body is here, but your mind is not. It feels good though, yes? The puppetmaster continues plucking your strings, making you smile coyly at him.

“My Aemond,” you whisper, hands dipping below the waistline of his pants. 

Aemond freezes, pulling back from you. You tilt your head to the side as he cups your cheeks, looking deeply into your eyes. His eyes are searching, no longer clouded with lust. Your nails scrape against the smooth flesh of his lower abdomen, legs still locked behind his waist. 

“Why’d you stop?” your lips form the words, but it’s not you. 

Aemond’s face hardens, and he wets his lips as he releases your face. He brings his hands to your calves, unlocking them from around his waist. Gently, he places his hands on your wrists, removing them from his pants. 

“Alys, we’ve talked about this,” he says softly, taking a step back.

Suddenly, the feelings of sleep are greater, and your eyelids are heavy yet they remain open. You’re aware you’re still talking, still moving, but someone else is controlling it. It’s as though you’re hearing the conversation from a different room like you’ve stepped out of yourself for a moment. 

Alys. Shhhh. Alys Rivers. It’s alright. Aemond’s….Aemond’s Alys.

“But she’s perfect, Aemond,” your voice says, “And you like her, I know you do. I see the way you look at her. Touch her.”

“Let her go,” he says, voice almost a whisper, “Alys….please.”

She reaches for him, using your arms. It’s like you’re moving through molasses, though you can sense her desperation, her need for him. 

“We can have a baby now,” she insists, your voice breaking as she speaks, “One of our very own.”

“You have little Jaehaera-”

“I want my own, Aemond, you promised me!”

“That was before, Alys. Now you’re…” he lets the sentence trail off, “Things are different now.”

She brings your hand to cup your breast, and you watch Aemond’s eye flicker toward the movement.

“She’s perfect,” she tells him, “And she’s so sweet, so wet for you, my love. You should feel how much she wants you.”

“Stop,” Aemond says, clenching his hands into fists.

“She aches for you. Not just physically,” Alys insists, “I can feel it all, here in her head.”

“I said enough!” Aemond yells, followed by a clap of thunder. 

Alys doesn’t flinch, you can feel her unyielding strength inside of you. She tilts your chin higher, hand dropping from your breast. 

“She’s different than the other one,” Alys insists, “You didn’t even like that girl-”

“You’d no right to do that to Floris,” Aemond says, running a hand through his hair, “She was a sweet girl--”

“Sweet,” Alys scoffs, “Weak. You’ve gone soft, haven’t you?” She cocks your head to the side. “Do you not love me anymore?” she asks, her voice cold as ice.

“You know that isn’t true--”

“I don’t mind sharing--”

“You’re dead, Alys.”

She’s silent then, and your chest tightens with the agony she feels at his words. Aemond’s gaze is pained, his seeing-eye glassy with tears. 

“Release her-”

“I miss you,” she says, reaching for him, “That’s all. Is that so hard to believe?” She chuckles bitterly. “I just want our baby.”

“It’s not how it is supposed to be, Alys,” he says, taking the hand she offers, “I’m so sorry.”

“You’re always sorry,” she says, her voice trembling, “Just give me what I want.”

“I can’t do that,” Aemond says, “Let her go.”

Alys holds his hand a moment more. You feel a tear roll down your cheek leaving a hot stream behind. Then your limbs go rigid before all the tension in your body releases. Your head drops forward, limbs sagging into Aemond’s arms.

“It’s alright,” he says, lifting you into his arms bridal style, “I’ve got you.”

The feeling of sleep is different now; you’re groggy as though you’d just woken from a nap. Leaning into his chest, you press your face against his shoulder. Spearmint, aftershave, and tea. He smells so good. Your eyelids are heavy as he walks down the hallway. You can’t hear the rain anymore. Has it stopped?

“Aem-”

“Shh don’t speak,” he says, placing you in bed. 

You’re in your room. Here already? That was fast.

“What happened?” you ask, throat raw, mouth dry.

“It’s alright,” he tells you, laying his hand against your forehead. 

You welcome the heat. You’re so cold.

“The heart….” you murmur.

“What?”

“The heart of the house,” you mumble, “It’s cold…”

Aemond pulls your blankets around you, tucking you in tightly sitting beside you on the bed. 

“What was that?” you ask, as Aemond’s hand strokes your cheek.

“It was just Alys,” he assures you.

You sit up then, the sleepiness leaving your body rather quickly as though someone had poured ice water down your back. The sheets fall around your waist and Aemond sighs disapprovingly as your eyebrows knit together. His hand falls from your cheek, resting on your bent leg. 

“Alys,” you repeat, “Your wife.”

“Yes.”

“She made me….” your cheeks warm, “Did…did we…?”

“No,” Aemond assures, shaking his head, “No we only kissed.”

You can feel him still, the ache returning between your thighs. His violet eye watches you closely as does the sightless milky one. He’s reading every microexpression on your face like the pages of a book. 

“I’m sorry-”

“Whatever are you sorry for, dōna hāedar?” he says, a smile twitching at the corner of his mouth.

“That we…that when we kissed…” you murmur, looking down, cheeks blazing with embarrassment, “That it….that it wasn’t me.”

Aemond rubs circles on your knee, watching the movement. The room is silent for a moment apart from your steady breathing. There is an ache between your eyes, deep in your skull that you’ll no doubt need to sleep off. 

“We should rectify that,” Aemond says softly, “If you’d like.”

Your lips part as you meet his eyes again. He’s watching you so carefully, as though you may run from the grounds at any moment never to be seen again. 

But you’d made your choice. And you intended to stick to it.

“Yes,” you breathe, leaning forward, “I’d like to.”

“Then it’s settled,” he murmurs, leaning forward. Your eyes flutter shut as his nose bumps against yours causing you to gasp softly, lips parting even more, “It’s only right.”

You can feel his lips against yours as he speaks; just brushing slightly.

“I agree,” you say breathlessly, and he closes the gap, pressing his lips firmly against yours, his hand cupping the back of your neck. 

Your hand fists his shirt as you kiss him, his mouth hot and greedy against yours. His lips, his perfect lips fit against yours so perfectly, and he turns his head slipping his tongue into your waiting mouth. 

Gods you want him. You want him so badly you’re trembling with need. Aemond leans forward then, pressing you back against the bed, kissing you all the while. Your hands claw at him until his hands lace through yours, pressing them back against the mattress. He murmurs your name, lips trailing down the side of your throat. Yes, yes, yes. 

“Aemond!” you gasp, pushing at him suddenly. 

He tears his lips from yours, standing immediately as you gasp for breath. The pair of you stare at each other wide-eyed, trying to catch your bearings. 

“She’s here,” Aemond says, voice hoarse.

“I don’t know,” you tell him honestly, “It felt like she may…come back.”

“Fuck,” Aemond growls, “Fuck!”

You wet your lips, wanting nothing more than to hold him. Aemond leans against the bedpost, lost in thought.

“We have to be careful,” he says, “On the grounds. She’ll try…she doesn’t know what she’s doing.” You can hear the love he holds for her in his voice, even now. “She just wanted a baby.”

“It’s alright,” you tell him, “We’ll be careful. We won’t….” your sentence trails off. 

“Yes,” Aemond agrees, “Not long now. The house will go quickly once it’s on the market. Summerhal house is waiting for us.”

You force a small smile.

“No ghosts?” you ask. 

Aemond’s returning smile mirrors your own.

“No promises,” he says softly, “Get some sleep.”

“What about Helaena? And the children…”

“I’ll go to them,” he says, walking forward, placing a kiss on your forehead, “You rest.”

“Goodnight Aemond,” you call as he exits your room.

“Goodnight,” he says softly, the door clicking shut behind him.

You lay on the bed, your body trembling. The rain begins once more, the sound of thunder returning. It may be the rain, you’re not sure, but as you drift off to sleep you swear you hear the soft sounds of a woman crying somewhere in Harrenhal.

note: hope you enjoyed this chapter! as always, comments, likes, and reblogs are appreciated but never expected (though you will receive a forehead kiss from me if you do any of them).

if you would like to be tagged in this series, please let me know!

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[dog-rose]

Witchcraft isn't Secular

Recently, I started thinking about which ten books I would recommend to someone who wants to research witchcraft as a starting point. I thought about books that have been essential to the history and practice of witchcraft in the last century to the historical spells and views of the past. 

I realised very quickly that almost all of them have a religious slant, and by recommending them I would get a lot of replies insisting I was conflating paganism with witchcraft. This led me into a rabbit hole of research and ponderings about the fact that for most of history witchcraft in Europe, and in its many forms of folk magic across the world, has been inseparable from religious belief. 

Witchcraft and folk magic has been intangibly touched by the religious ecosystem it was born from. From the earliest of untraceable magical practises, to cunning folk in the UK and saintly prayers melting together with old wives tales, to the druidic and secret society revival of the 30s, to Wicca, Feri and others in the 50s and up until today. Every significant historical voice talking about witchcraft has been tinged with christian, jewish, pagan, even buddhist and multiple other  influences. 

The concept of witchcraft being a completely secular practice is a modern one. And whilst it's an important concept and one that I agree with and partake in, we have to acknowledge one of the reasons why it has become so prevalent is due to marketing from the nineties onwards. 

New age books about finding your inner goddess, mini books of love spells and the saturation of wicca 101 books all rely on the idea of witchcraft being a harmless, secular practice which won’t interfere with your other spiritual values and beliefs.

There are likely thousands upon thousands of Christians and agnostic people in the English speaking world who play with astrology, angel cards and crystals, who are happy to enjoy these practices whilst keeping it separate from their faith or lack thereof. Therefore denying witchcraft's many connections to religion sterilises it and hides its many contrasting facets.

My last thirteen years or so of hanging about witchblr and paganblr don’t make me an all knowing elder god on this topic. I can say the insistence of witchcraft being totally secular can be fierce. Its something I would doggedly insist upon in my early years as a witch, parroting what I had learnt from listening and reading from those more experienced than myself.

Witchcraft isn't a practise divorced from religion. It can be practised without religious elements, but it is not wholly secular.

Seminal texts that have directly guided philosophy and practice of witches all read with the assumption is that witchcraft is its own spirituality. One that clings like a vine to the trees of various other faiths rather than its own practice devoid of devotion or faith. Most British spells from centuries past will make reference to Saints, Jesus or Mary. Contemporary eclectic spells ("insert relevant god here") aren't a modern phenomenon.

I remember hesitating to recommend Hedge Witch by Rae Beth because I believed the religious elements in it would put off anyone who came to witchcraft due to its secularity, when it has some of the most beautiful and profound advice and wisdom on contemporary magic.

So it goes with Starhawk; outside of tumblr she’s still highly regarded and her work was a keystone in my dissertation on witchcraft and paganism. Within tumblr she’s a dirty word and her entire body of work is dismissed due to her mythologising of the past (and of course nine million dead witches and probably a boat load of stuff I have forgotten, which I don’t blame anyone for being put off by.)

Obviously I am not going to die on the hill of Starhawk, she's one of many examples. I think for anyone wanting to research witchcraft you’re putting a huge barrier on your own learning if you avoid spirituality and religion like the plague. Because Witchcraft budded from the rituals and rites of religions.

My point isn’t to say secular witches are doing it wrong, of course not. But ignoring witchcraft’s roots as a practice which thrives alongside and through religious beliefs hurts your understanding and appreciation of its complexities.

anyway, that post of ten books will come out in the near future but I had to get this shit off my chest.

[mercutiodidntdieforthis]

(D0nt r3/bl0g, I might change my mind and let people reblog this later but I need to read over it when I’m less emotional and see if I still agree with it)

I understand why chronically ill people are at such a high risk for falling for dangerous pseudoscience, because people like pretending that science has already figured everything out, and then acting like people who talk about the things science hasn’t figured out like we’re fucking idiots.

“You don’t need to ‘heal your gut,’ you don’t need to ‘cleanse’ your insides, your body literally already does does if you just leave it alone.” Cool, awesome. So tell me, when I’ve been going to the doctor for like almost ten years for unbearable stomach pain, and all of them have told me “yeah no your stomach is normal” and I am still in undeniable excruciating pain that I can feel, am I insane for looking at shit like herbal remedies??? Which like,,,literally can have a basis in science because like, it’s not like we Spawned medicine out of computers one day with the Power of Science, we like ?? Use things ?? That are natural ?? And make them into medicine??????

Wow, maybe when I drink broth with some herbs and it helps and the Science Believers tell me that that’s Utter Nonsense and Garbage and I Should Feel Bad For Believing It, and when the Community That Also Pedals Super Dangerous And Harmful Things As “Cures” actually fucking believes me and validates me, perhaps I’ll slowly begin to trust one of those groups more and one of them less!!! Wow!!! Crazy thought!!!!!!

[superthatguy62]

FF3 Fun Facts of the Whenever: Light Flooding edition

The Flood of Light/Wrath of Light is one of the most intriguing aspects of Final Fantasy III’s setting. 

Given that most FF games portray Light as A Good Thing (unless wielded by morally corrupt villains, of course) for Final Fantasy III to have a significant background element be that too much light can also be a bad thing, especially that early on, is interesting.

Of course, given that it’s a background element, we don’t get too much about it...

...Or do we?

Short answer: We do, but not really, courtesy of our favorite pal, the unused text in the FFIII remake.

However, this info is in-game as well, just heavily orphaned from its original context. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Part 1: Desch

Being an ancient dude who was effectively in cryosleep for a time, Desch experienced the Wrath of Light. In the remake, it’s moreso implied, but the Famicom version sets one of Owen’s books during/after the flood.

However, unused text for the Village of the Ancients had Desch recall the flood a bit better (Thanks DeepL):

%shuyaku2%

「光と闇は昔から争ってるんです　それをクリスタルがずっと止めてたんです　

でも古代人が光の力ばっかり頼りに　するから　光が暴走したんです」

　

%shuyaku2

"The Light and the Dark have been at war for centuries.　And the Crystal has been stopping them. 　

But the ancients only relied on the power of light, so the light got out of control.

デッシュ「そうだ！　太陽が動きを止めたんだ！　

思い出したぞ…　よくわからないけど　急にハッと思い出したんだ！　それまでは大地の周りを太陽が回ってた」　

Desh. "Yes!　The sun has stopped moving!　

I just remembered something... I don't know what it was, but I just suddenly remembered it!　Before that, the sun revolved around the earth.

Keep this in mind.

Part 2: Doga

Doga has some interesting unused dialog in general, musing about the nature of the crystals, light and dark, etc.

This scene, for example:

　ドーガ

「光と闇のバランスをつかさどる

　人智を超えた存在じゃ

　Degas.

"A being beyond human understanding, who controls the balance between light and dark.

 　はるか昔に何者かが奉ったとされるが

　それが誰かは誰にもわからん…

　あるいは人ではなかったのかもしれん

 　It is said to have been dedicated by someone long ago, but no one knows who it was...

　Or maybe it wasn't a person at all.

 　ただ　人は古来よりずっと

　クリスタルを通じて光と闇を見守ってきた

　すなわち太陽と大地の関係じゃ」

 　It's just that people have been watching over the light and the dark through crystals since ancient times, like the sun and the earth.

 　%shuyaku3%

「見守るってどういうこと？

　ただ見てるだけとは違うの？」

 　%shuyaku3%.

What does it mean to watch over someone?

　Is it different from just watching?

 　ドーガ

「見守るとは　すなわち受けいれること

　両者あってこその世界だと知ることじゃ

 　Doga.

"To watch is to accept, to know that there is no world without both.

 　大地は光がなければ闇でしかないが

　人は光の中に住まうことはできない

　…たったそれだけのことなのじゃが」

 　The earth is but darkness without light.

　But man cannot live in the light.

　That's all I'm saying.

 　%shuyaku2%

「でも　古代人は光の力ばっかり頼りにして

　バランスを崩してしまったんですよね？」

　

　%shuyaku2%.

"But the ancients relied so much on the power of light that they lost their balance, didn't they?

 　ドーガ

「うむ…　太陽は大地の周りを回っていたが

　大地が太陽の周りを回るようになったのだ」

 　Doga.

"Hmm... the sun used to revolve around the earth.

　Now the earth revolves around the sun.

 　%shuyaku3%

「…デッシュが言ってたとおりね」

 　%shuyaku3%.

"...just like Desh said.

Intriguing.

But that’s the last of the unused text to mention the Earth/Sun relation...

...Because the last bit actually made it into the game.

Part 3: The part that’s actually in the game

At the very end of the game, the Warriors of Light encounter the Warriors of Darkness in order to save their world from getting pulled into the Void. The Warriors of Darkness have much to say, but two of the Warriors say some stuff relevant to our topic:

Light existing around a core of darkness?

Darkness now revolving around a core of light (that is at risk of dying out to a flood of darkness)?

Hrm...

Meanwhile:

Epilogue: TL;DR

-Earth (Darkness) used to revolve around the Sun (Light)

- Ancients use only light, believing it to be harmless compared to Darkness

- Wrath of Light occurs,  Sun stops moving

- Warriors of Darkness appear, fight Cloud of Darkness

- Sun now revolves around Earth

- Xande’s shenanigans cut world off from the Sun for the most part, causing a flood of darkness

This might also explain why the sun shines much more brightly in the ending than it was implied to have been; The remaining crystals were probably keeping the link open as much as they could

BONUS:

I recently referenced Desch’s lines for the Tower of Owen... and found a line that was changed from the original:

At this rate, the floating continent will be flung away from the sun... The negative effects on its inhabitants are unimaginable...

Flung away from the sun, you say...

[beautifulterriblequeen]

B2:S - Chapter 5

Much of this series will be about the differences and additions in the novel version, and how they contribute to my understanding of story canon. But there will be character appreciation, the odd theory and headcanon, and suchlike as well.

Here be lots of Viren deets, Best Boy Soren deets, some writing/continuity stuff, worldbuilding appreciation and half of a theory, Detective Rayla, Moon Temple geeking, Claudium and dark magic, and more!

Spoilers for Book Two: Sky below.

(I know for darn sure that I wrote up a post for chapter 4, but I can't find it anywhere so I guess Tumblr ate it and I'll have to redo it at some point, but today is not that day)

Viren, my evil dude, my bad guy, coming in clutch with the worldbuilding and backstory again! If you want to know decades of information, you gotta talk to Viren. Or read his scenes, at least. Here, he seems to not sleep much when he has a big problem to analyze his way through. Solutions trump pretty much everything else in this guy's life, and he's had a really hard week with a lot of new and complicated problems. Of course he's getting sleep-deprived trying to find his way through them all.

Harrow put so much trust in Viren when he made him High Mage! He just threw himself extra hard at that Lady Justice blindfold, didn't he? Didn't really want to see what Viren was doing in his magic study, so he left Viren to his devices. And Viren has a lot of devices.

Also, this is fascinating: Viren made the secret passage to his "less official study" in Katolis Castle! And he was inspired to do so by the way his own mentor kept the Puzzle House. What else could a Puzzle House be, except a place with secret passages? Yay! secret headcanon that "the Puzzle House" is just "Katolis Castle" from Kid Viren's perspective tho

So either Viren built all of those passageways, or at least the ones to his dungeon. Which means he has to have, or know where to get, a stash of those glowing blue Moonshadow crystals. Hmmm.

I can't wait to learn more about Kpp'Ar and young Viren, btw. From this description of Viren and all his literal secret ways, it feels like another parallel between Viren and Runaan, with the whole "secretive paths, members only, insider knowledge" type stuff. Only the really cool members of this cult club get to know the secrets, and guess what, kid, you're cool now but you can never tell anyone, okay? Our secret.

Yeahhh, that'll never backfire in any way for either of them.

Kpp'Ar calling puzzles and secrets "man-made magic," though. Yes sir, knowledge is indeed power.

This chapter mentions Runaan by name, from Viren's perspective. Generally that would imply that Viren knows his name, even though assassins do not share their names, and Runaan didn't seem to give his to Viren in the first book. However, there was a scene in book one where the last paragraph switched perspective from Viren to Runaan - a technique that's very common in visual media like movies and shows and gives you that "ohoho they left the room and didn't notice this, but you do!" vibe. Using Runaan's name there in book one, where Viren couldn't see it but readers could, helps them keep track of the assassin's story arc while maintaining Viren's racism.

So in book two, in which Runaan has no onscreen scenes (alas), using his name in a scene that calls back to the events in book one helps us remember what happened in that dungeon cell. It would be a bit muddier to recall the specifics if Viren kept thinking about Runaan as "Elf." So I'm cool with the perspective nudge because it serves a narrative purpose: clarity. But I'm also enjoying the angst of considering that, somehow, Viren learned Runaan's name either during or after the coining spell. Mwa ha ha haaa. (Obligatory "Keep my pretty name outta your mouth" goes here)

Okay, back to Viren's scheming! He took the mirror because it was human-sized in a dragon lair. He knew it didn't really fit there, and that made it interesting, so he stole it. But he realized it was really powerful when Runaan wouldn't tell him squat about it - the assassin's instinct to protect Xadian secrets from human hands meant that Viren was holding a very powerful Xadian secret. And that just made him want it all the more. Ah, Runaan, if only your relationship with lying was, like, the exact opposite of what it is. Nyx could've spun Viren a believable tale in 2 minutes flat.

Also of interest: Viren considers his cursed coins to be a final fate. He expects Runaan to remain in his coin forever. With the Chekhov's coins still extant in the storyline, we can assume that they'll come up again eventually, but Viren has no current plans to do anything with his elf money except carry it around.

It's worth noting that Viren admits that he got impatient when he trapped Runaan in the coin. Runaan's first fate in Katolis was supposed to be death at Soren's hands, but Claudia "saved" him from that. His next fate was to become spell components, but Viren's frustration with his stubbornness "saved" him from that fate, too. So now he's in a coin, where no one can chop him up at all. Yay? No, boo!

We get one last line about Runaan before Viren shifts gears: he makes a point of noting for us that Runaan's shackles are still locked shut. However much of Runaan made it into that coin - body, soul, hair care products - he was magicked there, pulled right out of his restraints.

The creepy black liquid that Viren pours right into his eyes is the last of a powerful potion he got from Kpp'Ar, and its recipe is ancient! Humans used it back in the age of Elarion to see through the illusions of the world. And we get a delightfully creepy bit of description about the preparation of this serum, which makes it abundantly clear that it's a Moon magic-based concoction, harvested from eyeless vipers on a moonless night, with the threat of irrevocable madness ("madness" by whose definition, though) if it's done wrong-

Hang on. Hold up. This is a Plato's Cave reference. OH MY GOD.

No no I'm fine, this is brilliant. Sorry, sorry, I couldn't figure why there was so much description for a potion prep that Viren didn't even have to perform himself. But now I get it. I see the light. HA. I should make a separate post for this, it's amazing.

Anyway, for reference, the humans who used this serum were called the Oracles of Ophidia, and Ophidia is a taxonomy group that includes all modern snakes. Can you say "creepy ancient snake rites"? I can! Woo!

Viren activates the serum with a spell, but apparently he's never done it before. He's not sure if it's supposed to be hot and bubbly, and he worries that it's been tainted by moonlight.

Oh, I do hope so.

The magic potion hurts, a lot. Viren will do just about anything, to himself or anyone, to do what he believes is necessary. He just risked madness and blindness to find out what this mirror does! Viren. Can you just. Take a nap or something. Have a Snickers.

This chapter gives us a fun clue that I don't remember from the show: when Viren's vision clears and he can see, his reflection has white pupils and the room reflected in the mirror has inverted colors. You know where else has inverted colors?

You know who else got white pupils for a hot second?

Okay, now it makes sense! Viren and Lujanne were both seeing into the realm beyond life and death. Him with his moon magic potion, and her with her moon powers on a full moon night at the Moon Nexus. Which is Very Interesting! Is it a direct hint about Aaravos's location, or just a separate cool detail? Orrr, does it look like a direct hint because Aaravos is actually trapped in the world beyond life and death, but it's actually separate and we'll see something about white pupils again later on?

Viren really does have self-esteem issues, we all picked up on it with his rant at his reflection. He throws a fit when he catches himself wondering if he's actually worthless. In the book version of his tantrum, he shoves the mirror and hurls a candelabra instead of flipping a table. He didn't need to shove the mirror to set the fire, but it's in here. Foreshadowing that perhaps, if push comes to shove, Viren will choose himself over Aaravos? Giving Aaravos time to peek through and see that the coast is clear?

Soren, my boyyyyy. He has a rough night at the Moon Nexus because two sides of him are fighting with each other. He struggles to understand Callum's friendship with Rayla, and he also fantasizes about chopping off Rayla's head. One of these is a pretty ordinary thing to do. The other is Soren's internalization of what he needs to do to gain his father's approval. If he brought his dad a chopped off elf head every week, he'd probably feel a lot more confident because Viren would praise him a lot more.

Okay, okay, omg, is it just me, or does the "Moonshadow Madness" story, as it's told in the book, seem like Soren just doesn't know what a monsterfucker is? He thinks an elf bite puts humans under a spell. But vampires are sexy, and some people want them to do more to them than just bite them. A passionate kiss under the moonlight could look very bitey, especially if one of the participants has horns and you're already culturally trained to hate them. No yeah, I'm already headcanoning an actual human-elf kiss that got misunderstood by an observer long ago.

it's Lujanne isn't it, we all know, because what is a love spell but a sweet soft illusion, I mean how else does she get supplies for her Caldera, I ask you, and also Corvus was totally sent to investigate once and he told Soren at camp what he saw

And then back to magefam angst: Soren pretending that his sister's nose-tapping is stupid, even though he actually thinks it's cool, just because their dad thinks it's stupid. Viren, istg. Let your kids like harmless things. It's so cute that Soren taps his nose back at her, though! Like they have their own sibling code. I hope we get to see the nose tap again, especially now that they've chosen different sides. It could mean so much, that they're not too far apart yet.

Rayla knows what buttery pancakes smell like. I love this. Do Moonshadow elves have butter and pancakes, does Rayla eat a stack of eight giant pancakes in the morning? Orrrr it is just illusion food? I don't care, let Rayla have pancakes! Everyone loves pancakes. Pancakes will save the world. this message brought to you by the fact that I can't eat pancakes rn, send help

I love that Rayla is both sus of the pancakes and hungry, and that combines into a very motivated "I will get to the bottom of this" attitude. She kind of goes into Poirot Mode when she inserts herself into Soren and Ellis's conversation about Ava, explaining about the wolf's illusion leg and segueing into her claim that the pancakes taste sus. Claudia confirms she used dark magic, and Rayla is furious. It's different than the show's version in that it puts Rayla in detective mode, as the only Moonshadow elf in the scene, and boy does she take that role seriously. Also, she doesn't actually swallow the dark magic pancake bite. It ends up on the ground just like Lujanne's grubs from that earlier meal. These poor kids are so nutrient-starved. You guys gotta eat!!

Rayla's determination and prejudices and the fact that she super knows Harrow is dead all dovetail to make her try repeatedly to persuade Callum that Soren and Claudia are Not To Be Trusted. It's nice that the book keeps taking the time to point out that Rayla is Well Intentioned But Flawed, just like Callum and pretty much every other character in the show. No one is Right All The Time, no one Knows More Than Everyone Else.

Callum loving the sound of Claudia's unique voice is so wholesome. When you like someone, it only makes sense that you like all the things about them that they can't change - like the sound of Claudia's voice. Her choices with dark magic, not so much!

Claudia seems to have the same concerns Soren does about Callum's relationship with Rayla, but she comes out and asks him. The inherent possession implied in "your elf" is interesting, though. Elves are not people to Claudia. They're enemies who can be disassembled for the magic inside them. So maybe more like robots than living beings, if she knew what a robot was. Maybe she heard Soren's "Moonshadow Madness" story and realized he totally missed the kissing implications - but she didn't, and now she's genuinely worried that Rayla could kiss Callum under a full moon and enchant him to do her will. Good thing it's only a half moon, then!

Okay, Callum nervously making a puppet hand and then not knowing what to do with his hands and freaking out about itching and moving and pointy elbows is such a ND mood. The sudden stress of knowing that someone else is noticing your existence and maybe you're Not Existing Right, amirite? Ugh, poor Callum.

The Moon Temple! Omg it's so pretty in the description! Made to be beautiful and useful, full of knowledge but also allowing light and life inside (butterflies and vines). Lujanne, when can I move in, please? Also, it's all the more angsty because Lujanne is the only one who gets to see this beautiful place, but it has lots of chairs and shelves and tables, and it was meant to be used by lots of people. :(((

Claudia knows some of the runes on the walls. She isn't in a hurry to copy the rest of them down or anything, either. Her spellwriting is very precise, and she's a skilled mage. Her father would have made sure she was aware of the dangers of drawing sloppy runes, as much as he made her aware of the dangers of doing dark magic wrong. And the whole point of dark magic is that it's easier to learn than primal magic. Claudia supports her dad and their shared knowledge and life path. She's not gonna go nuts over an elf library she can't translate.

Side note: Between Claudia knowing some Moon runes and Viren building a secret passageway and a dungeon and lighting it with the same blue crystals that Lujanne and Ethari use for light--and Claudia exclaiming that she loves ruins--I wonder once more if there are really Moonshadow ruins somewhere in Katolis, which Viren has found and looted. Father-daughter relic hunting trip, maybe while Soren is away at camp? Omgsh that would be so wild!

Callum out here having a Viren moment with his "I feel powerless unless I've got magic that lets me help" vibes. God. I love their complicated mirroring. One of the hard differences between them is that Callum is very sure dark magic is bad because you have to kill stuff and take its power to cast spells, and he doesn't want to be a person who kills and takes like that. The line he walks to be nice to Claudia on their tour of the Cursed Caldera because he likes her, while telling her that he doesn't want to do her magic, like, ever, is so fine that it might as well be a shifting shadow on the ground. It's a very fitting conversation to be having during the half moon, with its tricks and little white lies.

Callum being out of the castle and his comfort zone, having to deal with the fact that the Claudia he loves is not quite the Claudia who's chasing him down across the kingdom, but of the two of them, he's the only one with a problem with this.

They say that if you really want to get to know someone, you should spend time with them outside their comfort zone - in heavy traffic, with a small baby, taking care of a new pet, trying a new skill, following unfamiliar directions, etc. While the castle is familiar territory for them both, Callum's never really found his comfort zone yet, while Claudia is pretty comfortable with her growing skill set. The creepy part starts to kick in when Callum begins to realize that Claudia's comfort zone encompasses a whole bunch of stuff that seems like it should make her uncomfortable... but it doesn't. But that'll be for a future chapter!

[ruby-whistler]

i've done some research, and i've come to a hilarious conclusion: the attitude of c!rivalsduo enthusiasts/apologists/etc towards cc and c tommy gives off similar vibes to that one gordon ramsay meme where he's comforting a child vs that "you donkey" comment or whatever LMFAO

KSDDKFHD yep pretty much

like, i don't dislike c!tommy myself, but i think everyone who does is extremely valid (as much as those who do like him) and i haven't seen a single one of those people be nothing but overwhelmingly supportive of cc!tommy unlike c!dream antis who usually dislike cc!dream's content but i guess that's another can of worms entirely.

and i don't think anyone dislikes him because he's "annoying" either? i myself don't - i don't really click with him because while cc!tommy is charming and genuinely one of the coolest people i know, c!tommy is insensitive towards others and very brash and extraverted. that's all good of course but the complete opposite of me so i can't really connect with the character in the slightest. but hey i can't even remember the last protagonist character i've liked, i usually just get helplessly attached to the villain or a side character instead, so what's new. all in all he's really not my kind of person (and don't talk to me about "loud trauma" for the love of god he's been like this before).

but when i am critical of him, it's not because he's loud or extraverted or reckless - i get messing with people and breaking rules for fun, believe me, there is not one minecraft server i've joined where i didn't immediately steal someone's ender crystals and trap their house (sorry c!dream), trust me - but it's moreso because he can be a jerk and i can see him... affect people negatively.

he's flawed, and he makes a lot of mistakes! easy to blame, easy to get angry at, and that's not - that's not his fault, neither is it inherently bad, but when i see him hurt people, my overempathy goes "get away you stupid jerk" and i just can't. i can't. i get so mad for other people when they get mistreated and it just... hurts to watch? and he's a well-written character like that for sure, dynamic and helping drive the conflict! but... he's not innocent. and that's fine, no one is, but - the way he makes others upset and doesn't even notice? the way he justifies hurting someone and doesn't care? it just - it really makes me feel distant. like i don't want to cheer him on. i just want him to get away from the person he's being toxic to.

that's the difference between cc!tommy and c!tommy - while cc does harmless bits that are funny and everyone is laughing and he's just oh my gosh he's so good at being entertaining don't get me started - c!tommy hurts people in the story, with both his words and actions.

and it's not like he (usually) does it maliciously! it just feels weird to see so many people defending his toxic behavior so violently (sorry c!tommy apologists, but the very radical ones of you are the main reason why i dislike the character) so i just. internally i feel like i have no choice than to set myself opposed to that, and it feels - refreshing in a way, to see others call that out and then see them get attacked and crave to see even more.

and i don't want him hurt! i don't want him hurt at all, no, i watched him get traumatized over and over again and as someone who went through stuff too i - i really want him to get support and be happy, at least for a moment because it's getting repetitive from a storytelling standpoint (sorry but as soon as it becomes good for the story and his own narrative to have him go through more stuff i'll support it, it's just gotten old at this point in time).

i just want some... self-awareness? and he's been gaining some! he's been gaining more, thank prime, he's - he's healing and actually getting better at this. he reflects from time to time, before he relapses thanks to being hurt again, and that's good. the reflection, not the relapse, i mean. but his past actions are really excused too much, and - i just decided to not care at some point.

that's why i don't talk about the character. i - i just don't care about him, because i can't put in the effort to try and put him together, because as long as he frustrates me i think the response to him frustrates me more? i hope i'll be able to like him more down the line. it all just feels wrong in my head, so i'll settle for not caring for now.

sorry for the ramble i have a lot - i have a lot of thoughts about c!tommy and they just came spilling out in whatever this incoherent mess is. this isn't an invite to send c!tommy crit in my inbox, but uh - be my guest. i tag my stuff, anyways, so. just. yeah, these are my thoughts, and accusations like "you just hate cc!tommy because this is his persona" rub me the wrong way when there is so much more to the way i perceive and choose to perceive the character.

if you're going to make me feel guilty for thinking critically of him, well, i'm not going to think anything of him at all. it's just not worth it.

i guess that's my thoughts on him at the moment.

[theladysexpistol]

Ok so i have this thought like La Squadra's reaction to their s/o being a witch and have a hellhound familiar please ?

Man you guys keep bringing up things I forget to say I LOVE and am ECSTATIC to write about! I love paranormal/occult stuff!! I was in a paranormal club in college undergrad and we did ghost investigations, had psychics come and guest speak, spent nights talking about cryptids and aliens and all kinds of conspiracies... it was amazing!! We’ve talked about witches and hellhounds loads of times!!

I really, really had a lot of fun with this one 😈

~~~

Risotto

- The first thing that caught his eye about his s/o was their asethetic. In what I can only describe as like, witchy goth, with a big black dog. He’s a fan.

- Ris thought they were just into the occult stuff, figured they probably were into astrology and tarot cards and crystals and such.

- Here’s how im imagining he finds out: a rival gang learns his s/o is dating Risotto, the capo of the hitman team. His team has probably killed a lot of rival gang members. So naturally, they’re gonna target his s/o. Risotto learns about the plot and goes to rescue them, only to find their big Rottweiler-looking dog spitting fire and moving like a shadow, while his s/o chants in some demonic/ancient language and puts a curse on their attacker.

- Honestly? Risotto’s totally into it.

- I mean I would say his Stand is pretty violent honestly, the way he makes razor blades and needles and scalpels pop out of his victim’s own blood. So the witch stuff wouldn’t bother him in the slightest.

- In fact it probably makes their relationship a little more, idk kinky? His s/o is probably very interested in the ways he can manipulate blood, both for their witchy spellcrafting and on a sexual pleasure level

- Risotto keeps his s/o a secret, from his team but that’s mostly to keep them from the boss. He knows the boss would probably try to use them for his own gain, and Ris is not interested in letting the boss get a hand on them. His s/o could be his advantage in taking down the boss, too.

- The two of them are an absolute power couple. You cannot beat them when they’re together. That’s not including the hellhound either. Witchy s/o and Ris would have demolished anyone in the Bucci gang, unless they were like all fighting together against the two of them.

Formaggio

- Again, Formaggio was probably really drawn in by the s/o’s witchy goth asethetic. He’s kinda dumb.

- Formaggio is a cat guy, so he doesn’t like their familiar at first. Especially because it’s a big, scary looking dog.

- But the hellhound reflects its master’s feelings, and as soon as they feel affection toward Formaggio it will too.

- Formaggio finds out when he’s showing his s/o his Stand. He shrinks himself and they think at first he’s a witch too. Formaggio is very confused; he’s only known Stands. He didn’t know witches were real.

- But he likes that they can shrink things too, and that they definitely don’t think his Stand is useless (the way the rest of his team seems to think)

- Is probably now even more afraid of the hellhound now knowing it’s a hellhound that could roast him alive, but figures as long as he doesn’t break his s/o’s heart he’s probably safe

- He tries to brag about them at least to Illuso for sure, the smug bastard. Most of the team doesn’t believe him, except Pesci and Melone.

- Would absolutely let them try out spells and curses on him. He strikes me as an adrenaline junkie. As long as he gets rewarded for it 😏

Illuso

- Okay I’ll be honest I guess since this is the third one I’m like “he’d be into the asethetic” I guess I just imagine most of the hitman team would absolutely be into goth/punk. Also witchy goth is just very hot okay and that’s what I’m imagining here

- Illuso finds out very quickly they’re a witch because he uses his mirror world to spy on them

- After a couple times of doing that though, the hellhound starts to sense his presence

- Finally his s/o is straight up like “I don’t know how you’re here Illuso, but I know you’re here. Come out and maybe we can get a little alone time together 😉”

- He comes out of the mirror and honestly they’re more shocked than he was when he learned they were a witch

- But they’re also incredibly intrigued and would probably want to try and go into the mirror world. Think of all the information they could gather on people they want to hex

- The two of them are a mischevious, trouble-making couple and fit together almost a little too perfectly

- Like Formaggio I think with a little encouragement I think he would be willing to be a test subject for his s/o

- Unlike Formaggio he loves the hellhound. He really wants to see it in action.

Prosciutto

- Okay first boy not interested in the asethetic at first

- I imagine witchy approached him first. There was something about him they really liked - that intense, cold expression in his eyes, they could tell what he did as his job from a glance

- Prosciutto agreed to go on a date with them to determine if they were a threat to Passione - most importantly, his team - that needed to be taken out or if they were harmless

- Halfway through the date Prosciutto is thinking they’re dangerous and he’ll have to kill them so he brings out his Stand but as he does the hellhound appears from the shadows and growls at him for threatening its master. Witchy sighs and explains to him that they’re a witch. I don’t think they’d necessarily be hiding it, just that they know most people would probably be freaked out by it

- Prosciutto is intrigued and continues to go on dates with them. Next thing he realizes is he’s in love.

- Did they slip him a potion? He’ll never know

- Prosciutto is extremely protective of his s/o. He worries that if anyone finds out they’re a witch they’ll be attacked by a mob or something.

- For that reason he and the hellhound get along pretty well. They’re both interested in protecting his s/o

- The hellhound still likes Pesci the most though

Melone

- Okay back to boys who were drawn in by the asethetic, except it’s like 1000x worse than the others for Melone

- At first he thinks it’s like, oh they’d make a great host for Babyface. Then he realizes no, he’s like really attracted to them himself, not because of his Stand

- Melone has a weird taste in like science and experimentation, I think his s/o would be pretty comfortable early on in the relationship telling him they’re a witch

- He is the most enthusiastic about being used as his s/o’s guinea pig. Honestly probably gets a little turned on by it.

- Not the biggest fan of the hellhound, but they respect one another’s place in his s/o’s life

- Because the thing his Stand creates is a homunculus, I think his s/o would also be very interested in his abilities as well

- The two of them are just experimenting left and right, helping one another as they push the limits on their abilities. It’s like putting two mad scientists together. Eventually they’re gonna create a monster thats unstoppable lol

Ghiaccio

- Another one I think witchy would approach first, similar to Prosciutto because they can see the eyes of a killer in him, but also because he’s just pure rage. It intrigued them

- Ghiaccio likes them because they don’t tell him to shut up and they just let him fully rage and destroy things, watching him the whole time and comforting him when he needs it

- The hellhound likes him too. Ghiaccio’s anger is very familiar to his demonic roots

- He’s probably not going to find out for a while that they’re a witch. It’s not that his s/o didn’t feel comfortable telling him, it’s just that there wasn’t really a good way to bring it up.

- Honestly they probably witness him use White Album first, and think he’s also a witch, and that’s how he finds out

- Ghiaccio is a little freaked out at first honestly. He didn’t know witches could exist. He’s also a little peeved they didn’t tell him and they again, observe him as he has another freak out

- Witchy admits they really loves how angry he gets, feels the power behind it, and wishes they had a way to harness it

- I don’t think Ghiaccio would be a guinea pig with any incentive, but he might offer to let them try and figure out a way to take the raw energy of his fury and channel it into their spells

- They’re an odd pair, but his s/o is so calm and collected that they balance out his explosive temper

[fangirlmary]

First Tumblr fanfic Accidentally Exposed

Disclaimer: I do not own Steven Universe or Miraculous Ladybug; they belong to Rebecca Sugar and Thomas Astruc respectively. I won’t be writing a direct follow up to this but feel free to write your own and share it.

Accidentally Exposed.

One of Marinette’s earliest memories was from when she was 5 years old and had gone on a vacation to America with her parents. Her father’s pen pal lived there in a small city called Beach City and said pen pal, Greg Universe, had a son named Steven that was Marinette’s age. Steven had not known French at the time and Marinette had not known English so their parents would have to translate for them but the 2 of them had hit it off well and had decided they wanted to be friends.

Marinette had also met the Crystal Gems, who acted as Steven’s “aunts” (Garnet and Pearl), and “cousin” (Amethyst) during that same visit. Of them all, she had liked Amethyst the most because of the purple Gem being a lot of fun and friendly. Pearl and Garnet were nice enough if more distant in a sense and it wouldn’t be until years later that Marinette had started liking them more. That said, when the week-long visit was over, Marinette had been disappointed to have to go home so soon but had decided she would learn English and in turn Steven had decided to learn French so that they could talk to each other on the phone and send emails to each other as well as video call each other. It hadn’t been easy but it had certainly been worth it.

Now 9 years later as a fourteen year old, Marinette had been venting to Steven about the whole situation with Lila; at least Max had apologized for mistakenly causing people to think that he wasn’t smart enough to know that a napkin was harmless and Alya had apologized for not consulting Marinette before the seat change and promised that she would treat Lila’s stories with skepticism and actually follow her own advice in the future regarding source checking from now on.

“Alya removed the fake posts from her blog and apologized to her followers for not checking with Ladybug to be sure that the story of her and Lila being friends was true.” Marinette was now saying to Steven over the phone. “It helps that Ladybug debunked that theory in a recent interview.”

Steven of course did not know yet that Marinette was Ladybug. He had however freely told Marinette about the Gem related stuff he had been dealing with, including his recent prevention of the destruction of Earth by the Cluster. Right now, he wasn’t thinking about it and even though it was late at night for him while it was daytime in Paris, he was still listening to her. “Has anyone else in class figured out the truth?”

“Chloe and Sabrina revealed they never believed Lila in the first place but didn’t apologize for anything they’ve done as bullies in the past. Nino also apologized for not having believed me. I’m not sure about anyone else at this point.” Marinette answered. “I have decided not to act like a stalker to Adrien anymore since I don’t think his ‘take the high road’ advice is going to work with Lila and I’ve realized how creepy it is.” Indeed, she had torn down Adrien’s schedule from the wall and gotten rid of all her pictures of him but one. “I might be able to forgive him if I can get that through his thick head.”

“He probably wasn’t taught the difference between different types of lies.” Steven had another reason to dislike Gabriel Agreste now.

“You’re right; I hadn’t thought of that.” Marinette admitted. “If I tell him the difference, maybe it will help. Whether he believes me is another thing entirely since I never told him I was threatened by Lila in the girls’ bathroom since I thought he wasn’t going to care.”

“I’m going to use the warp pad to come over there tomorrow since I know it will be Sunday. Maybe doing something fun and forgetting about it for a while might help.” Steven suggested.

“Yeah, it will. See you tomorrow.” Marinette was smiling at the idea of finally seeing Steven in person again. She bade him good night and hung up the phone, hoping that tomorrow would be good.

Unknown to them, Tikki had gone to tell Plagg about this development and Plagg was furious.

“Can I use Cataclysm on that girl on my own?” He asked, eager to do something drastic.

“No, that will put too many innocent people at risk! Lila may be a liar but she doesn’t deserve to die a horrible death.” Tikki pointed out.

“All right; but what should we do about this?” Plagg asked.

“Good question; it’s up to you whether you want to tell Adrien or not but he definitely should know.” Tikki replied.

It turned out that they did not need to do anything drastic though; the next day, Steven had used a warp pad that took him a mile outside of Paris and Marinette and her parents were already there to pick him up and take him back to the bakery for breakfast. Afterwards, the two friends took a walk in the park and surprisingly enough, Alix was there and practicing her rollerblading. She apologized to Marinette for believing Lila’s bogus stories and asked “Can you forgive me for being an idiot and not using Google?”

“I think I can but it will take some time.” Marinette replied. Finally, someone else in the class had common sense.

“Prince Ali doesn’t know Lila according to Rose; she contacted him last night and asked him and told Juleka and I about it in the class group chat this morning.” Alix added. She then noticed Steven. “Wait, who is this?”

“I’m Marinette’s pen pal, Steven Universe.” Steven explained. “I’m visiting her for a bit.”

Then an akuma alert went off on everyone’s phones and Marinette groaned. “Great, now we have to get out of here because this akuma isn’t far from us.”

Alix immediately rollerbladed away and Marinette had Steven go behind a tree for his safety; then she found another spot to transform into Ladybug. “Tikki, spots on!”

Unfortunately, being only part human meant Steven wasn’t affected by the glamor that kept Miraculous holders’ identities a secret and he went out of his hiding place to see Ladybug in action. He immediately knew she was Marinette. Who else had hair that looked bluish and was in pigtails after all? It was hard for him to tell who Chat Noir was seeing as there were lots of blonde-haired guys around and he hadn’t met Adrien in person.

As it turned out, the akuma this time was a woman who was furious with her boyfriend for cheating on her and she was targeting guys close to said boyfriend’s age. Steven couldn’t stand back and immediately used a bubble to shield a random man who had been caught in the crossfire and then got him to safety. He then shielded Chat Noir while Ladybug put her Lucky Charm to use. All too soon the battle was over with and the Miraculous Ladybug cure had repaired the damage and the akuma butterfly purified and sent away.

“What were you thinking? You could have been hurt!” Ladybug scolded Steven.

“I couldn’t stand back and let you guys handle it alone.” Steven answered.

“Thanks for doing that though.” Chat said.

Both heroes bid Steven good bye as their timers would run out momentarily and as soon as they were gone, Steven waited and Marinette was soon back with him.

“Steven, are you okay?” Marinette asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He assured her. “Let’s keep walking.” How was he going to bring up the fact that he now knew she was one of her home city’s superheroes? He wasn’t sure but he would do it somehow.

They had wanted to next find someplace where they could have lunch but Alya had shown up. “Marinette, is it true that some kid who didn’t have a miraculous stepped in to help Ladybug?”

“Yes and my pen pal Steven is that kid.” Marinette replied. “Steven, this is Alya.”

About 15 minutes later, Steven had been interviewed about what happened after having texted Greg and getting permission to do that at Alya’s home. He did not mention that he had guessed Ladybug’s identity of course but he did mention the Gem related stuff and that he was part alien. After that interview, he and Marinette had opted to just get fast food as they knew Steven would have to get home soon and stopped at McDonald’s. After doing so, they had returned to the bakery and Steven and Marinette were allowed to eat upstairs as long as they threw their trash away.

“That was a pretty crazy morning, wasn’t it?” Steven asked.

“Just another day in Paris unfortunately; I just hope Hawkmoth never akumatizes you since that would be a scary situation.” Marinette replied.

“Yeah.” Steven had soon finished eating his burger and was now eating some of his fries. Then afterwards, he asked Marinette a question. “Uh Marinette, being that I’m only part human, I think I kind of was able to figure out Ladybug’s identity easily and I think it’s you but you’re not mad at me, are you?”

The teenage girl spat out her soda in shock. That had not been what she was expecting to hear from him. Tikki on the other hand was panicking silently. Before either one could respond, Steven’s phone rang.

Steven immediately answered it. “Oh, hi Garnet. Are you using my dad’s phone?”

“Yes I am. I wanted to talk to someone that’s with you that’s an old friend of mine.” Garnet had already guessed what had happened earlier thanks to future vision. “Her name’s Tikki.”

“Oh gods, how did I not realize he would guess who I am?” Marinette was whispering to herself and panicking.

“Hang on.” Steven then turned to his friend. “It’s not your fault I figured it out easily. I won’t tell anyone although I think the Gems just figured it out too. Garnet does have future vision after all. She wants to talk to Tikki since she apparently knows her.”

Tikki figured there was no point in hiding anymore and flew out of Marinette’s purse and Steven held out his phone so the kwami could land on it. “Hello Garnet; it’s been a long time.”

“It certainly has, Tikki.” Garnet was smiling while saying this. “We need Steven home as soon as possible but Pearl and I would like to see you and Plagg in Beach City later this week to catch up. We won’t tell anyone the identity of your chosen. You know that the glamor that keeps a Miraculous holder’s identity hidden doesn’t work as well on Gems or half Gems in Steven’s case.”

“I’m aware of that. I don’t know why I was panicking and forgot that. Did you find out what happened today from the news or future vision?” Tikki asked.

“Both. It was only a matter of time before the things that have been going on in Paris made the national news.” Garnet answered.

After another minute, Tikki bid Garnet goodbye and Steven assured Garnet that he would be home soon before hanging up the phone.

Steven then finished his fast food and threw the trash away. “Well, I never knew the Gems knew about the Miraculous.”

“Past miraculous users fought against the Homeworld Gems alongside Rose Quartz and the rebels who sided with her.” Tikki replied. It would be great to see Garnet and Pearl again since it had been thousands of years since they had last seen each other.

“I wish we could have met in better circumstances.” Steven admitted.

“Steven, I’m not angry with you for figuring out about me being Ladybug. I just want to know how I’m going to explain what happened to Master Fu, the one who gave me a miraculous.” Marinette admitted.

“I’ll explain it to him when we see him tomorrow.” Tikki assured her. “I think he’ll understand.”

Soon Steven had to leave once Marinette had finished her food. Once her pen pal had gone on the warp pad and disappeared instantly, Marinette and her parents drove home. Today had not quite gone how she had expected.

The next morning, Lila’s reign at College Francois Dupont came crashing down. Steven had called Marinette before class started, having forgotten the time difference again.

“Steven, I’m about to start class. What do you need?” Marinette asked him.

“Sorry I forgot. I was wondering if Lila has said anything about knowing me.” Steven wanted to debunk that story though whether anyone else would decide for themselves to find the truth behind the Italian girl’s other tales was up to them.

“Unsurprisingly, yes she did say so when she walked in. Maybe you could tell everyone all about it since it’s better to get stories straight from the source.” Marinette turned her phone on speaker and asked “Steven Universe, you’ve been my friend for nine years and I think I would know if this was the case. So I was wondering if you could tell my peers have you ever actually met Lila Rossi at all?”

“Nope, I don’t know her; her mom has never had an assignment in America and even if they had ever been to Beach City, I wouldn’t have known who they were since so many tourists come there each year.” He replied in perfect French.

“All right, thanks. Talk to you later.” Marinette immediately hung up the phone

Most of the class wasn’t believing Lila at this point but any who still wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt had now stopped doing so.

“How could you say that? What else did you lie about?” Ivan shouted.

Lila had not expected to be busted for her lies this soon since it had taken much longer at her previous schools. That Steven Universe kid and those Gems were going to pay for this. Who’d have thought that Marinette actually knew him?

Moments later, Ms. Bustier had come into the room and Alya explained the commotion. This was a huge shock but at the same time, something had to be done.

Unsurprisingly, those who had not come around to the truth earlier apologized to Marinette for their behavior and Lila had been sent to Mr. Damocles’ office with her parents called (though they had to get to Mr. Rossi first so he could give them his ex-wife’s phone number since the one Lila had given in her emergency contact information wasn’t the real deal). Ms. Bustier had accompanied her, leaving everyone alone again.

“Did you do that on purpose?” Adrien asked. “I didn’t think you’d ignore my advice.”

“Nope; Steven, being my pen pal on another continent, tends to forget the time difference between the U.S. and France so I just took advantage of it.” Marinette answered honestly.

“What do you mean by ‘ignore your advice’? Did you know she was lying the whole time?” It was Nino’s turn to be outraged now.

“Yes.” Adrien hadn’t really thought about how to handle this but then he remembered Plagg informing him last night that Lila had threatened Marinette in the girls’ bathroom last week. Ladybug’s kwami had apparently witnessed it and had informed his kwami that this happened. He then suddenly realized that he hadn’t been told about this earlier because Marinette had been afraid that he wouldn’t believe her like most of the rest of the class. I’m the worst friend in the world right now, he thought.

“There’s a huge difference between tabloid lies and the kind Lila’s been telling us.” Chloe pointed out. "Adrikins, Lila’s lies have been hurting people. What do you think people would say if they thought Jagged Stone had written a song about a minor? Or thought that Lila’s mother was misusing embassy funds to travel to Achu with her to see Prince Ali?”

“I hate to say it but Chloe actually has a good point.” Kim added. 

Chloe’s explanation led to Adrien feeling extremely guilty about how he had been dealing with this and immediately excused himself to use the bathroom. He was certainly not going to cry but he did need time alone. He just hoped someone wasn’t akumatized since judging by her reaction, it was likely Lila would be subjected to it a third time. He stood by the sink and sighed. “How could I have been such an idiot?”

“It’s not your fault you didn’t know before.” Plagg reminded him.

"Still, I don’t think Marinette will ever forgive me. I wouldn’t blame her for it.” Adrien pointed out.

“Kid, you had good intentions. They just didn’t work out.” The kwami of destruction replied. “Just because you did one bad thing doesn’t make you a bad person. I can’t believe I’m being that sappy right now.”

“Me either but I’m going to do everything I can to make it up to Marinette and everyone else. I don’t want to lose her friendship and I don’t want to be inconsiderate of the others’ feelings again. I’m going to go back to class and apologize.” He decided after a few moments. Adrien Agreste wasn’t entirely sure how he was going to atone for his actions but he would figure it out soon.

First though, judging by the screams, it seemed that either Lila or another person had been akumatized and he had to intervene. “Well, first I’ve got to do one other thing. Plagg, claws out!”

Once transformed, Chat Noir went out into the hallway. Surprisingly, it had been Mrs. Rossi who was akumatized after hearing of her daughter’s misbehavior from her ex-husband. The Italian ambassador was calling herself “Revealer” and those caught in her trap had to reveal some kind of truth about themselves. This was going to be an extremely tough fight.

In the meanwhile, back in Beach City, Steven couldn’t sleep. He was looking at a stream from the Ladyblog that showed Ladybug and Chat Noir’s fight against Revealer and couldn’t help but be worried for everyone’s safety. He couldn’t help but think this was somehow his fault. If only he hadn’t accidentally called Marinette when she was about to start class.

“Steven, you can’t stay up this late. I’m sure Ladybug and Chat Noir can handle everything.” Garnet’s voice was saying.

Steven turned around and saw that Garnet was at the top of the stairs that led to his bed. “I know but I didn’t think this would happen as the result of debunking one of Lila Rossi’s stories.”

“It wasn’t Lila who was akumatized; it was her mother.” Garnet once again had guessed this via future vision.

“That’s even worse!” Steven looked guilty and started crying. Maybe he shouldn’t have called Marinette.

“Steven, it’s mainly Hawkmoth’s fault any time someone is akumatized since he takes advantage of negativity.” The Crystal Gems leader reminded him.

“Could a Gem be akumatized?” Steven wanted to know.

“That is one thing neither Pearl nor I are sure about since it hasn’t happened before.” Garnet replied. She sat next to Steven on the bed and put one arm around him.  “It’s not your fault this happened.”

“Still feels like it is though.” Steven sighed sadly. He was not going to be able to go back to sleep anytime soon.

Fortunately, the fight had gone in Ladybug and Chat Noir’s favor and the akuma purified. Mrs. Rossi had apologized for her overreaction and immediately decided “Lila is going to be grounded until she turns 18.”

Because no one wanted to risk Lila being akumatized a third time, she would be sent back to her father in Italy that evening and arrangements would be made for her to be homeschooled from now on so she wouldn’t be able to try to lie to others quite so much. Mr. Rossi had agreed that Lila should be grounded for 4 years because of the fact that she had deliberately put people’s lives in danger the second time she had been akumatized and she would also have to see a therapist.

The next day, Steven was traveling to Paris once more, this time with Greg on a private plane courtesy of Jagged Stone. It turned out the record label Greg had used to work for was the same one that distributed Jagged Stone’s music in the U.S. and he had heard about what had happened when commissioning Marinette for something again (this time a shirt with various gem stones on it). This was because the French news networks wanted to interview Steven after he had helped Ladybug and Greg would only allow it if he was there with his son. They would be gone for the remainder of the week until Saturday when Tikki would come to see Garnet and Pearl to catch up with them.

Before the flight, Steven had called up the Italian embassy in Paris and had gotten a hold of Lila’s mother and asked if she blamed him for what had happened.

“Absolutely not. I failed to realize just how easy it was to be controlled by Hawkmoth and you were trying to do the right thing by revealing the truth.” She had assured him. “I’m lucky no one thought the trips Lila claimed I took with her actually happened since that would be a misuse of embassy funds if they had been real. It’s probably partially my fault for not paying enough attention to what she’s been up to and not checking the school’s website to see if they were really closed at all.”

“Thanks for the reassurance. I hope the rest of your assignment goes well despite everything.” Steven was relieved to hear that he didn’t need to feel guilty about this. He bade her goodbye and hung up. It would still be a few more hours until they got to France so he went to sleep after noticing Greg was already sleeping. He didn’t know what else would happen after his accidental exposing of all of Lila’s lies but he hoped things would improve for Marinette significantly.

The visit with Master Fu had gone well; he was surprised that Gems were still around on Earth and told Marinette that she would not have to stop being Ladybug. He did remind her to be a bit more discreet with finding places to transform in public from now on just to be on the safe side.

“The Crystal Gems can be trusted to keep secrets.” Tikki had explained. “Steven certainly can be trusted too.”

“Steven has been my friend for nine years and I trust him more than anyone else in the world.” Marinette added. “All the Gems know how to keep secrets.”

“Very well then. I trust your judgement, Marinette.” Master Fu replied.

When they had gotten home, Tikki had started munching on peanut butter cookies and Marinette got a text from Steven, telling her that he was on his way to Paris by plane for some interviews with the news networks and that he was going to be careful about what he said in those interviews. 

That’s good to know. Hope you get some free time to come and see me in between interviews. I’ll have to be at the Gem temple on Saturday so Jagged’s arranged for me to come back with you and your Dad for the weekend. Marinette texted back.

Great to know. Peridot’s trying to modify the warp pad so that you can use it without me or one of the Gems being with you if necessary. She hasn’t had much success yet but hopefully she’ll be able to do it ASAP. I’ll talk later since we’re getting far from the U.S. East Coast now. Steven messaged back.

Marinette decided not to send another message yet; she knew it was likely that Steven wouldn’t have a good cell phone signal until he landed. Still she had a feeling that things would get interesting and she was glad that he had been there for her, even if he had caused a liar to be accidentally exposed without initially planning to do so.

[bannedwebsites-archive]

for the asks, 16 + 17! 💕

ty for the ask :-)

16. believing in magic, astrology, and crystals

on some level, i believe in astrology actually. magic too. not a lot of people know but i used to be a witch (no, not like the ones in halloween movies haha), i even had a plant shop in my town that was my favorite to buy herbs and other stuff.

i think that stuff is ok and harmless tbh. theres really not much to be said about it because yeah thats really it tbh? like life is already so harsh on us often, we all go through stuff, believing in those things (believing a healthy amount ofc, not talking about people who obsess over it - ex: people who choose a romantic partner based on zodiac sign 😆) can make life lighter, more fun and can give you a bunch of little things to be excited about and to look forward to

17. is religion always patriarchal

not inherently, i believe. i think it would be perfectly possibl, for example, for people to have religions that were matriarchal (or neutral). but i do think abrahamic religions are inherently patriarchal, and probably many, many other already existing religions out there unfortunately. so much that i dont think theres much of a point to “reforming” some of them because like literally at their core they were made with the specific purpose of subjugating women…☹️

[catradoramma]

Day 1: “It will be fun, trust me.”

Yay!! June is finally here and the fics will keep coming!! This one will have a part 2 coming later on in the month, so stay turned for that!! Hope y’all enjoy! Thanks for 2k!! 

part 2 | part 3 | ao3

**Buy me a Kofi**

It turned out that after an almost universe-ending invasion, a lot of rebuilding was necessary. She-Ra may have healed the planet, but thousands of people were still without homes. And so, instead of kicking Hoard ass, the Princess Alliance had taken to rebuilding. A lot of rebuilding.

Every town and village had their own customs and traditions, which was cool considering when the rebuilding was done there was usually a huge party. But it also meant that there was a lot of slogging through the forest looking for sacred beetles, or butterflies, or on one memorable occasion, sacred ants.

Adora shuddered at the memory.

She hated ants.

This time around, Adora had managed to snag Catra along for the adventure. They’d been searching for some sort of pink spotted flower for about an hour in a huge market where most sacred items were actually pretty easy to find. It was kind of nice to be able to get away for a little while even if they were still technically working. They had just been so busy lately that they hadn’t been able to see each other much. And honestly, Adora kind of missed hanging out with Catra.

“Jeez, I didn’t even know it was possible for places like this to exist,” Catra said as they walked hand-in-hand though the busy streets of the marketplace.

Adora chuckled softly. “I know. I always feel a little surprised whenever I come to places like this.”

“Places? Plural? Wack,” Catra shook her head.

Adora laughed and tugged her along. The worst part about trying to make it through crowded places though, was the fact that eventually Adora was recognized.

“She-Ra!” Someone called, and Adora was forced to look because apparently it was a bad look to ignore the people of Etheria when they called for her.

A young woman, no taller than Adora’s sternum and looking no older than her, grabbed Adora’s free arm. “Yes! The She-Ra and her lover! You must allow me to give you both a reading!”

“A reading?” Adora asked, a little confused, at the same time Catra gagged around the word ‘lover’. Adora looked up to the woman’s stall. It was a leaning cloth construction with a banner proudly advertising love potions and romantic foresight.

“Uhh...No thanks. I’ve had enough spiritual ladies telling me what I need to do for my future,” Adora said, trying not to sound mean or judgemental.

“Please!” The woman begged. “Your auras are so lovely! I would love a closer look!”

Adora looked back at Catra who had been uncharacteristically quiet. At Adora’s look she shrugged. “What harm could it do?”

“You wanna do this?” Adora asked, a little thrown off. Catra wasn’t usually into stuff like this.

“Sure,” Catra shrugged, taking the lead this time. “Come on, it’ll be fun. Just trust me,” she said, throwing one of her knockout smiles Adora’s way.

Adora sighed softly and was helpless to resist. They followed the woman into the stall, which was actually much larger on the inside, making Adora wonder where exactly the tent was actually built.

“Cool,” Catra mumbled under her breath as she looked around. Adora had to agree. The tent was awfully cool.

They were led to a small table with two chairs on one side and a single chair on the other. The small woman gestured to the set of chairs before she herself dropped into the single on the opposite side.

Adora shrugged at Catra and they both took a seat.

“Oh, here we go! I can see your auras much better now!” The psychic said as she put a pair of off glasses on her face, the lenses were made of some sort of crystal rather than glass.

Auras! Catra mouthed over at Adora with an adorable mock-interested look, and Adora had to bite the inside of her cheek not to laugh. She reached out to hold Catra’s hand under the table instead.

“Ahh,” the psychic hummed. “Your relationship is new. Congratulations! However, I can see here that while you both have spoken deeply about your feelings, there are still many things left unsaid between the two of you.”

Adora frowned a little and glanced at Catra. She didn’t quite know what that meant. They talked almost every day about what they were feeling and Adora, personally, always tried to let Catra know if something was bothering her.

“Do not look so alarmed,” the young woman said, her hands coming up in a placating gesture. “This is a small hurdle you two will have to cross in a long and loving relationship.”

Adora let out a little of the tension in her shoulders, but still somehow felt a little uneasy. “Well, at least we know we’ll be together for a long time,” she said, looking to Catra with a smile.

Catra met the look, but didn’t say anything. Adora did not feel great about that.

“I know just the thing to help,” the psychic said, turning to a cabinet beside the table. She rummaged inside for a few beats before she pulled out a pair of pink glowing vials. “If you both drink one of these, your problems will be easily solved,” she said. “Don’t worry. It’s totally harmless. Just a little something for you both to be able to understand each other better.”

Adora and Catra both hesitated before Catra said, “I’ll drink it.”

“Wait, you’ll what?” Adora borderline whisper-screeched.

Catra turned to her with a roll of her eyes. “It’s going to help us, Adora. We should at least give it a try.”

“But,” Adora glanced at the woman before looking back at Catra. “It could be poison,” she whispered a little harshly.

Catra rolled her eyes, grabbed the potion, and downed it in one swig. Adora held her breath, silently panicking about all of the horrible ways Catra could die from this, already getting ready to summon She-Ra.

“Huh, nothing happened,” Catra said after a few beats.

“Of course nothing happened,” the young woman across from them said with an odd smile on her face that made Adora believe that something indeed had happened. “She-Ra, you must also drink yours.”

Adora hesitated for a moment before carefully drinking her own.

Huh, it actually tasted kind of good, Adora hummed to herself.

“See?” Catra said. “Not bad at all.”

The psychic smiled widely at the two of them. “Oh, and the flower you’re looking for is in stall number 463. Very nicely priced too,” she said.

Adora thought that was kind of weird, but because weirder things have happened to her, she nodded with a smile. “Um, thank you,” she said before grabbing Catra’s hand and making a hasty exit. The less time she spent in that creepy stall, the better.

part 2 | part 3 | ao3

[cynthiaandsamus]

Custom Toonami Block Week 79 Rundown

Code Geass: Lelouch is establishing the official United States of Fuck Imperialism which is like the UN but actually does stuff, plus he has to deal with the fact that CC’s lost her memory and is acting like a demure slave girl harem choice from a VN. Charles is still trapped in the Human Instrumentality Shadow Realm so everyone figures this is a great time to unify everyone against Britannia. Kallen beats the shit out of Suzaku for being a dick to her all this time and the Knight of Ten is making his rounds because they realize they forgot to give him any buildup and he’s going to be a miniboss later so they have to cram all his being a dick personality into like five minutes while all the Knights of the Round assemble to prepare for an attack on Japan once the National Federation is formed. Llyod and Cecile for some reason enhanced the Guren for Suzaku even though he’s clearly more used to the Lancelot but apparently they enhanced it too much and made it a death machine like the Talgeese in Gundam Wing so Suzaku has to stick with the Lancelot. Looks like the Guren will have to sit and collect dust unless a certain pilot is rescued and then immediately has a convenient upgrade. Amazingly all the countries go along with everything Zero says and give up their militaries and have the Black Knights be the official military of the Federation. I don’t know how that works given that the Black Knights have been struggling to fight off one nation’s military idk how it’s supposed to substitute for a dozen nations’ military but I guess they conscript support and troops from the other nations or something. Charles comes back on the tv after the Federation is formed and is all “Awww what a cute little UN you have, fuck off bro.” which you’d think this’d be the perfect time for him to just out Lelouch as Zero and wreck the Black Knights’ morale but he doesn’t for some reason and they’re just gonna fight. Lelouch is freaking out and knows that having everyone want to murder the Britannian royal family includes Nunally so he calls Suzaku who just straight up goes “Bro cut the crap are you Zero or not?” and after so much plotting and scheming Lelouch just comes right out with it. Suzaki agrees to protect Nunally as long as Lelouch meets him alone at the Kururugi Shrine where this all began.

Inuyasha: This is another one of those Modern Day filler episodes which are always fun. There’s just something about Inuyasha running around in modern Japan being Spider-Man and saving people and catching bank robbers on the way to deliver Kagome’s lunch that’s so thoroughly entertaining. Basically Inuyasha spends this whole episode jittery that everyone’s so chill and ready to relax after Naraku just got away and is probably an inch from death but after a big adventure in the modern era where Kagome is as usual unprepared for her test, he ends up passing out on the bed after insisting a little battle with Naraku wouldn’t exhaust him. It’s a really cute little episode to let everyone bide some time and reflect on the past arc now that we’re starting a new wave of filler before we get to the Band of Seven and Mt. Hakurei stuff.

Yu Yu Hakusho: The first match of the tournament is about to begin and Botan, Shizuru, and Keiko come in with Koenma who is sick of baby jokes and puts on his bishonen disguise to impress everyone. There’s some neat lore about how they gave Koenma the guest team every year to bribe him into not shutting down the tournament without giving him anything of value and how the bloody show of the Dark Tournament pacifies the demons so they kill fewer humans, so that’s cool. Since Yusuke is still passed out, Kuwabara is de facto Captain and decides on simple one on one matches while the other team Captain just kinda roasts an eight of the crowd to see if it’ll wake Yusuke up. Kuwabara’s in the first match versus Prototype Killua, complete with afterimages and yo-yo tricks. They size each other up for a while and Kuwabara shrugs off getting his fucking neck broken surprisingly well while they go back and forth with “Well I can track YOU better” for a while. Togashi really loves his yo-yos of death so those have Kuwabara on the ropes and turn him into a fucking kite ready to slam back down into the arena, so yeah, Kuwabara’s having a rough time of it.

Fate Zero: Waver’s been having strange dreams about Iskandar, and not the ones people usually have about him. So he goes to get a basic history lesson on the historical figure that’s been chilling on his couch for a few weeks and spending all his money on xbox live arcade. They also go through all the ridiculously obvious historical inaccuracies and Iskandar’s just like “idk bro, I’m here so the book must be wrong” which is hilarious because Fate also does this with more modern historical figures that we have pictures of and shit so they basically sit there saying all historians have no idea what they’re talking about and gaslighting the field of history as a whole. On the way back Waver’s upset that Iskandar’s so awesome that it basically takes any effort on his part to win and it won’t be an actual achievement despite the fact that they’ve taken out like… one servant, MAYBE, and most of the other historical figures are equally over the top. But still Iskandar says that if your aspirations are big enough it doesn’t matter how big or small you are, everyone’s tiny in the grand scheme of things and clawing at greatness you can’t truly perceive is what matters. Also Caster and his boy have found the wreck they made of their workshop of dead bodies and are kinda fucked up about it but also ready to fuck up more people because God sucks or some shit. So Caster summons a Bloodborne monster which you think more people would notice and mention during Shirou’s time, like nobody in UBW ever said “Hey remember like seven years ago when a giant Bloodborne monster appeared in the river?” so I’m guessing there’s some kind of perception blocking going on. But yeah everyone’s gonna jump on the Bloodborne Monster next time for the season premiere.  

Konosuba: So we pick up where we left off and Kazuma is working off his debt by… killing more toads. Wow this world really is like a video game, we get the same five enemies over and over again. However they’re fucked without Darkness throwing herself into monster orifices looking for a good time so Yunyun has to save them. We already met Yunyun in the OVA so it’s kinda weird to be re-introduced to her here in basically the same way but their relationship is basically like Gai and Kakashi if they only did the lame dorky challenges Kakashi suggested when he’s too lazy to think of a good one. Also there’s a cat now, I don’t think that really comes to anything, just a scene of Megumin going “we have a cat now” and everyone’s like “kay”. Kazuma and Megumin play Naked Chicken to see who can get more naked before the other backs down and end up taking a bath together because they’re both stubborn assholes. Also we get a quick snippet of Yunyun and Megumin’s backstories which you can basically make Yunyun’s the swing scene from Naruto (idk why Yunyun is bring out the Naruto references in me today) and Megumin is stealing bread like Les Miserables in increasingly bizarre and disgusting ways because she’s ridiculously poor or some shit.

Sailor Moon Crystal: So turns out that Usagi and Mamoru BOTH had their shots with the ‘fucks everything up’ sword with a pocketwatch and… the discarded gems of the four knights? Idk how that works given they were humans and also dead but what baffles me more is that both Usagi and Mamoru very obviously did not get hit by the sword but decided to fall down dead and not move for a couple minutes despite their shots very much being blocked and there being no blood. Anyway Queen Metalia has the crystal, bullshit is happening, 1000 years of darkness, you’ve seen Xiaolin Showdown, you know the drill. The remaining four Guardians get a cute little flashback of Usagi saying what she likes about them and then they give up their lives to revive her inside the dark energy blob of Queen Metalia and crystals and lights and shit happens and swords and wands are pulled out of nowhere and you know how a final boss goes, they beat it with the power of believing in themselves and shit like that. Also apparently the only difference between sealing Metalia away and killing her is hitting the giant bullseye on her forehead so yeah, hopefully she’s down for good this time. I don’t want to complain because this show was genre-defining but it’s hard to find things to say about something so generic and milktoast, it’s the Seinfeld problem where there’s been so many more interesting iterations that it’s just kinda “get on with it already” at this point. The only real markedly noticeable thing about it is how plainly and unashamedly it is about being a power fantasy for teen girls, and there’s something to that, harmless power fantasies can be fun but it just feels like the physical mechanics of this kind of progression being “She feels this shit REALLY HARD” is less exciting than some of the alternatives

Durarara!!: It’s the big Masaomi backstory episode and we get the whole deal of how he formed the Yellow Scarves and got into a relationship with Saki because Izaya wanted to orechestrate a gang war because that’s what Izaya does all day is orchestrate gang wars. It’s kind of amazing how many kids in this show are like “I don’t know how it happened but one thing led to another and suddenly I was at the head of one of the largest gangs in the city” like they kinda really yadda yadda over how that actually happens. But anyway Saki gets hurt in the gang war and Kadota’s gang has to save her because Masaomi’s adrenaline wears off at the last second and he can’t try and rush in and save her. I mean Dota’s van got there first anyway so how much he’d have been able to help would be doubtful but he feels bad about not even being able to try and Izaya says that fear and failure of his past will dominate his future actions which is exactly what he’s doing by letting his paranoia and frustration lead him to a war on the Saika army. Dota-chin tells him to face up to it and stop running or live with the shame of lying to Saki but Masomi can’t do that and his shame and determination to reverse the situation leads everyone into chaos as Anri discovers his secret.

[jenoptimist]

rest assured, you would never trust a telepath again

The way the cold air wrapped itself around you had you shivering, hunching your shoulders into youself in a feeble attempt to trap in any traces of heat. What you were wearing was no help as it differed from your usual cozy attire. The outfit you wore was extra special since it was the night of the grand award ceremony that Chenle was nominated in. Your boyfriend had been raving about it for weeks on end and you knew he deserved it because you witnessed first-hand how hard he worked.

In the distance, you could see the tall building that it would be hosted in and you thanked the gods above. In any other circumstance, Chenle would have picked you up and the two of you would go to the venue together. This time, however, you were arriving on your own because of a hiccup that happened at your store. It was as if events kept piling on today and what made it worse was that your taxi dropped you off at least four blocks away from the venue because of the traffic. You should have just apparated there like you had originally planned.

A shot of irritation ran through you when someone pushed into you as they made their way down the opposite direction. The sidewalk wasn’t even crowded! They just had to bump into you, didn’t they? If you were a worse person, you would have hexed them but seeing as you weren’t taught to use your magick for such petty purposes, you bit your tongue and trudged forward. You really couldn’t wait to be in the comrforting presence of your boyfriend.

“Hey!” A man yelled from behind you and you chose to ignore him since he may have been calling out to someone else but walked a tad bit faster, just in case–you never know what could happen, especially if he was magically inclined. “Hey! Excuse me!” A large hand grabbed your shoulder and spun you around. Without a moment of hesitation, you mumbled a spell that had the stranger be shoved backwards, falling on his back. “Is that any way to greet an old friend?” He said loudly.

Old friend? You had a strong connection with most of your friends, even the ones that were overseas, and this guy? This guy with his half-up half-down hairdo was someone that you definitely didn’t have a connection with because you most certainly did not know him.

‘Please trust me. Someone’s following you,’ his voice rang in your head and it took all your power not to jump. Telepaths weren’t people you came across by regularly since those possessing the ability was thought to have died out, allegedly due to madness. Although you weren’t entirely sure. ‘If you don’t believe me, check the other side of the road. There’s someone lurking at the end of the block.’

Tru to his word when you followed his instruction, hastily sneaking a glance at the direction he told you, you did find someone there. It felt like your blood ran cold. How long had that person been following you? How did you not notice? The more questions that popped up, the more ill you were starting to feel.

“Not going to help me up?” The stranger chided, a chuckle following his words as he stood up. ‘I’m going to hug you now, alright? It’s all for appearances’ sake.’ You followed his chuckle, which sounded robotic to your own ears, and gave a terse nod.

After letting he let you go, you made a big show of greeting him. “Wow, it’s been so long! I haven’t seen you since, what, you left to go study abroad? How have you been?” He played along, smoothly wrapping his arm around your shoulders as he whisked you away from the area. “Are you headed to the award ceremony, too?” You asked, noting how his attire was similar to yours.

“Yeah, I’m actually one of the nominees. Figured you were as well ‘cause of what you’re wearing.” Hyunjin admitted as he dropped his arm from you shoulder and offered his elbow to you instead, which you declined. You had just arrived at the entrance and you didn’t want Chenle to get the wrong idea if he saw the two of you arriving together, arm in arm. Especially since he didn’t know who Hyunjin even was.

“Oh,” you arched a brow, “bragging are we?” You teased as you handed your jacket to the staff. The two of you were directed to the reception area that was buzzing with chatter. Scanning the crowd, you were quick to find your boyfriend, his bright orange hair highlighting him among the natural colors and random spots of blues, purples and greens. Just as you were to say goodbye to that man that had helped you, he steered you away and directed you to a group of people with an arm around your waist.

“These are my friends,” Hyunjin said before he began introducing them to you one by one. You tried to remain pleasant, shooting them friendly smiles, but all you wanted to do was shove his arm away from your face and run over to your boyfriend. Chenle’s eyes were definitely the ones you were feeling at the back of your head. “This is y/n. They’re–”

“Sweetheart.” A voice cut in. You almost sagged in relief when the arm around your waist was replaced with a more familiar one. There was a level of wrongness that you were feeling but without your familiar, a cute black cat that you doted on, you couldn’t be too sure. Hyunjin seemed like a nice enough guy, though, so maybe it was the effect of knowing that someone was following you. After a quick kiss to your forehead, Chenle added, “You’re finally here.”

“Yeah, sorry,” you replied as you leaned into him, “there was a bit of a situation.”

Concern etched itself on you boyfriend’s features immediately. “What! What happened? Are you okay?” He was looking for any indicators that you were harmed, eyes wildly scanning you from head to toe.

Before you could even begin to explain what had happened, including how your day started off terrible, Hyunjin beat you to it and began relaying the situation that played out.

Chenle’s smile seemed pleasant when Hyunjin finished speaking but there was a tick in his jaw that you recognized immediately. “Thanks for helping. We appreciate.” And with that he spun the two of you around and lead you to the rest of your coven.

“What’s wrong?” You whispered to Chenle as Donghyuck began a dramatic re-telling of how Minhyung messed up the potion they were working on for weeks.

“There’s something off about him.”

“Who? Hyunjin?” Your boyfriend nodded. “He seems harmless to me.” On your walk on the way over, he was full of bright smiles and loud laughter. Yes, it could be said that he was suspicious because he just happened to be going to the same destination as you were, but you could rule it as coincidence. Or fate.

Chenle’s brows furrowed, his mouth twisting. “I don’t know. I don’t trust him.”

“Well, you have nothing to worry about because I probably won’t see him again after tonight,” you kissed his neck, just below his ear. “Now forget about him and let’s enjoy tonight.”

*

You were wrong, of course, because the gods loved playing games with you. Two weeks after Chenle won the award for the category that he was nominated in, the telepath walked into your small store. You were in the middle of re-arranging a few bits and pieces when you heard the bell ring and when you looked over to acknowledge them, you were surprised to find him by the counter. Hyunjin held his face in the palm of his hands, looking at you with a goofy smile.

“Hey,” he sang, watching as you took the crystals that were misplaced by a customer and walked over to the counter. “Busy?”

Remembering that your boyfriend was weary of them man, you told yourself that you would act cordial but with caution. “Not today.”

Hyunjin hummed. “Let’s have lunch! I’ll treat you!”

You almost dropped the crystal you were holding in shock. Hyunjin was very straightforward and if you were the witch you were a handful of years ago, single and desparate for love, you would have swooned at such an attractive guy being as bold as he was. A telepath, too. Other witches were a dime a dozen and being one yourself meant that you weren’t particularly curious about them. Younger you would have probably tripped over your feet in hasty agreement. But, again, that was you in the past. The you in the present was no longer looking for love because you found it in Chenle, who loved you endlessly and never failed to remind you that he did.

“I don’t know,” you replied, “there’s other stuff that I have to do.” You weren’t good at making up excuses on the spot and you were sure that it was very obvious. Judging by the way he chuckled, he caught it.

“Aw come on! Please?” At this point your familiar, Beans, had stopped prowling the area and hopped onto the counter. There was an odd atmosphere in the air when he did, staring at Hyunjin intensely. The man looked at Beans and when they met eyes, the air disappeared and your familiar settled, curling in on herself. “It’ll be fun!”

Eventually, you gave in. There wasn’t much to do, anyway, and, well, you were your own boss so nobody would be on your tail for closing up shop early. Hyunjin really was harmless; he was sweet, funny and had a boyish charm to him. In fact, he becomes a regularly presence in your shop. He embedded himself into your life easily, meeting up for coffee or lunch frequently, watching a new movie in the cinema every now and again, and a lot of the time he helped you around the shop. Whatever wariness you were holding quickly evaporated the more the two of you spent time together.

The reason why you were with Hyunjin more often was because Chenle was busy. He was off working on more potions and the like so that he can get more recognition. As much as you supported him and wanted him to thrive, you missed the days where he would surprise you with lunch that he made, or when the two of you would go on spontaneous dates. He never had time for that anymore, any time for you, but you didn’t have the heart to tell him how you were feeling because it was selfish. His work was something he took pride in and you didn’t want to distract him from it just because you were feeling lonely.

It wasn’t just Chenle, however. All of your other friends had very demanding jobs too, so nobody really had time for each other anymore.

When you and Chenle finally had time for each other, it didn’t go like you though it would. It was the first time you saw him in almost three weeks and the first thing you did was argue. At first, it was over something small that you were willing to overlook because you knew how snarky he got when he was tired. But then it escalated and escalated and escalated and soon you found yourselves trying to shout above one another. It was brutal. The two of you had never had an argument like this and the night that you planned including lots of cuddles and movies was long forgotten.

“Lele, please,” you sighed once silence took over. Your throat felt raw and you were tired. A cute night in with your boyfriend was all you wanted but apparently that was too much to ask. “I just wanted to spend some time with you.”

That elicited a scoff from him. “Spend time with me? What, have you gotten sick of that telepath?” At the surprised look that you gave him, he laughed. It was bitter and ugly and it was something that you never wanted to hear again. “Yeah, I know that you’ve been spending all your time with him,” he looked at his fingers. “He’s dangerous, y/n, I–”

“Dangerous? Chenle, he is not dangerous!” Your boyfriend scoffed again and you couldn’t believe that you were arguing over your new friend. You were so over it. At that point you just wanted to curl up in bed and try to sleep, maybe your dreams could offer some happiness. In the heat of the moment you said, “Hyunjin makes time for me. Which is more than I can say about you.”

“I make time for you, y/n.” Chenle answered, eyes hard.

“Don’t you dare lie to me,” you retorted, “I haven’t seen you in weeks! And now that we can actually be together, we’re arguing! Gods, Chenle!” You sighed heavily. “I think you should go. We can talk when we’ve both cooled down.”

Your boyfriend stared at you intensely, a tick in his jaw, before nodding curtly at you. The moment he left, you fell back on your couch. The night was a disaster and you would definitely need to talk to clear the air, but for now you would eat some of the cupcakes you bought earlier and watch some romcom movies.

Beans curled up by your feet and you bent down to scratch behind her ear, holding back the tears that were welling in your eyes. She has been weirdly silent recently. While she was no means a chatterbox, she did enjoy adding comments every now and again. It often had you stifling a giggle so that your customers wouldn’t know that your familiar feeding you her opinion of them in your mind. She was a fiery one and you loved her for it.

Two hours into your romcom movie marathon, you vaguely heard the door open. Strangely, the wards you placed hadn’t alerted you that someone was at the door like it normally did. Maybe the boys were pranking you again, it wouldn’t be the first time.

“Honey, is that you?” You called out, pausing the movie. Secretly, you hoped that it was. You wanted so badly to make up with him, the guilt had began eating you up minutes after he left your apartment. “Chenle?”

‘Guess again.’

You had time to let out a scream before you became unconscious.

*

When you woke up, your eyes had trouble adjusting in the darkness. Your mind raced. Chenle was right. Hyunjin was dangerous. Why hadn’t you listened to him? What did the telepath even want from you? You had nothing to your name apart from your small store. Unless he was actually targeting your boyfriend. You felt faint at the thought.

The shackles on your wrists were cool against your skin as was the metal chair you were confined in. You mumbled an incantation in hopes that you could escape which resulted in nothing. The shackles were most likely created with something that disabled your magick. A curse escaped your lips.

When the door opened, the lights turned on and you saw Hyunjin step inside with the a group of people that you vaguely recognized as the men he introduced you to before. You regarded them coldly but gave the telepath a look of betrayal.

The man himself smirked at you as he began to ramble, something that was reminiscent of a villain’s monologue that was shown in children’s movies. The other boys were in agreement with him as he told you about his plan of getting close to you and then, once he had gained your trust, would swipe you away from Chenle. This plan that he created was made for petty reasons, mostly to do with the fact that he wanted to see your boyfriend, his long-time opponent, crumble to pieces.

By the time he finished, you were left speechless. Did he really want Chenle to fail so bad? Why couldn’t he just take it as healthy competition? Before you could even open your mouth to say something, anything, there was a cloud of smoke by the door and there was Chenle in all his glory. His eyes were glowing like they always did when he used his magick. From behind him, you could see the rest of the boys, their colorful hair a comforting sight.

They made quick work of defeating the small crowd that Hyunjin was with, Chenle was especially lethal and in all the years that you knew him, all the years that you were together, you never once saw him like that–scarily cold and ruthless. By the time he reached you, he wasted no time breaking the shackles and hoisting you in his arms even though you were perfectly capable with walking. With a nod to your friends, he apparated the two of you out of there.

Neither of you made a sound as Chenle made another round of checking you for any injuries. You sustained none except for the slight discoloration on your wrists which was fine because you were able to accelerate your healing by making some tea with a lot of the herbs that you owned.

“I’m alright honey,” you assure for the nth time. “No injuries.”

“Still,” he muttered, “I could’ve lost you.”

You grabbed his balled fists in your hands and pressed a kiss into his knuckles. “But you didn’t,” another kiss and then, “now, we need to talk about our argument and how you knew Hyunjin was dangerous.”

Chenle frowned. “You were right about me not spending time with you anymore. And I’m sorry I started the argument. I found that you were hanging out him with all the time and I got jealous. I also just knew that when the two of you came in together during the award ceremony that something was wrong. Especially when you said that your day was horrible. Hyunjin has been experimenting with dark magick recently but I wasn’t sure until I caught him working on his upcoming project.”

“Oh,” that was a bit of a shock and your mind was getting dizzy at the sudden turn of events. “Well, I’m sorry, too. I said some pretty awful stuff that I didn’t mean. I don’t mind that we don’t see each other as much because I know that your work is important but it gets lonely, you know?”–he nodded–“And I should have listened to you when you said something was off about him.” Beans walking around Chenle’s legs, like she was begging for attention and the sight of her made you frown. “Do you think he did something to Beans? She hasn’t been speaking to me recently. Or, well, since Hyunjin entered the shop.”

“Yeah, possibly. I can ask Jeno to check on her tomorrow?”

“Please.”

“I’m going to take this weekend off,” Chenle announced, peering at you through his lashes, “we should go on a date.”

A smile blossomed on your face and you jumped at him to capture him in a hug. “Of course!” When you began babbling about the different things you wanted to do, he let out a small laugh. It was the one he did whenever he was amused and it sounded like music to your ears.

As the two of you curled up on the couch, Beans hiding somewhere, Chenle repeatedly pressed kisses to your cheek as he wrapped his arms tightly around you which made you feel warm.

[raferuiz]

Howdy cowpals I’m Missy, I’m 27, and I promise I am super hip just like all the other youths out there. So hip. So in. So fashion forward. 

Under the cut is a bit of information on Raphael and some plot ideas! I’m excited to be here and can’t wait to meet all these fantastic characters.

( manny montana, 35, cis man, he/him ) Was that RAFAEL RUIZ ? I heard a rumor they work for the WALSH family, but who knows for sure ? They can be a bit UNPREDICTABLE & BACKHANDED, but I also heard they can be INSPIRING & MAGNETIC. You’ll usually find them at BLUE ORCHID in their spare time, when they’re not being an BONEBREAKER/CHEF @ NORTH COAST HOTEL. You may want to keep an eye on that one ! 

alright folks, let’s get going:

rafael, or raf, will start telling you about his past by beginning with the military. he joined the marines when he was 18, and the details of when he left are very unclear. previous to that? it’s a bit like he popped out of thin air. He has a past just like everyone else, but he never talks about his childhood.

that’s not because it was bad. He actually had a pretty good childhood. he had a big family with three brothers and two sisters and a ton of cousins and his reluctance to talk about that comes more from the fact that he misses them. 

he was discharged from the military after an incident of refusal to act. war is messy and he made a call that he thought was the right now, the good one, and he ended up being wrong. he doesn’t talk about that a lot, but it was definitely a turning point for him. 

after he was discharged, where the hell did raf go? no one knows! he went a little bit of everywhere, in the grand scheme of things. y’all watch schitt’s creek? you know when alexis throws out random wild tidbits of her adventures around the world? That’s sort of his vibe. for the most part, it’s pretty well known that raf spent most of his time between 25-30 just traveling around as a gun for hire. 

is that all true? who knows! he’s a liar! raf is a crazy good liar when he wants to be, he can lie like no other, it’s second nature to him—but he’s also just a dang liar. he lies about things all the time (he calls it messing around). it’s about little things too, like…hey, raf, do you want a cupcake? and he says no, i’m allergic to dairy. and then like a minute later he’ll pick up the cupcake and eat it because he was fucking around he is not allergic to dairy.

this can make him a nightmare for people who don’t know him, or people who are really gullible. the good thing is most of the time it’s harmless fucking around, he just gets a kick out of it. he says it so very casually that it’s hard to tell when he’s playing and when he’s not. this is mostly because everything about him seems almost hyper-casual. the dude is excessively chill. don’t believe it, it’s a trap. he’s always got this cocky crooked grin on his face, and is a master of the ‘oh word? that’s wild’ phrase. he’s the type to kick back with his feet up and slow nod along to your story, like he’s totally calm and cool and collected. for the most part, he is. he’s laid-back and relaxed.

 but where chill ends, wild begins. raf has two speeds—totally fine, dude, no drama & i’m gonna throw you off this cliff and then i’m gonna find your houseplant and throw it off the cliff too for good measure. when he snaps, he snaps pretty hard.

for the MOST PART though? he’s really not what you would expect. he’s got a bit of a reputation that precedes him, but he’s...not that scary when you meet him. Raf smiles a lot, he seems to enjoy life, he likes passing off little tidbits of wisdom that don’t pertain to the situation at hard. 

his body is a TEMPLE. he’s very into organic food and meditation exercises and purifying the soul of world decay and that’s...a lot. he can be a lot. if your energy is out of whack, he might suggest you go pick up some crystals or some bath salts to clear that shit up. 

he works, when he’s not crushing bones, as one of the head chefs for the north coast hotel. he cares a lot about his food. don’t insult his food who knows what he’ll do. 

he has a lot of strong opinions on things. like names. mmm, never trust a veronica. he also has a habit of giving little backhanded compliments that leave the recipient confused and caught between insulted and ego-boosted. a little bit of oh, nice hair cut, yeah. real slick. loved that look when it was cool in the 90

he tends to adopt wandering youths that look like they haven’t been ruined by the world yet. who knows why. maybe he wants a kid. maybe he wants to preserve the part of him that used to exist before everything got so damn murky. who knows! just know that if you have been selected by raf as a Good Kid he will probably kill for you, regardless of who your allegiances belong to. 

other than that little part, he’s VERY loyal to the o’sheas, and by extension now the walshs. raf may speak his mind and argue a point, but at the end of the day he’ll carry out what he’s been told to carry out. 

there’s probably tons more but i want to wait a little so I understand the dynamics bette <3 i can say, that if you’re ever looking for him, you can find him at the blue orchid because a good skin care routine and upkeep is VERY IMPORTANT. he also lives for that deep tissue massage. 

POSSIBLE PLOTS

hook-ups: because who doesn’t love that. open to male and female and non-binary. pretty much anyone as long as they’re not too young! his cut off for this is probably 25. he’s 35. he’s tired. 

the person who brought him into the oshea fam: this is open to anyone who has been with that family for longer than he has (so longer than five years). we can plot of the how of it all, i’m open to any ideas. 

a respected enemy: someone from a different side who is also very good at what they do. they respect each other! they probably even try to avoid each other because they know they’re good. the kind of people who can share a drink at a neutral territory bar and then tip hats and go their separate ways—a real ‘just business’ admiration. 

exes: always down for exes! man, woman, nb, anyone as long as they’re within a reasonable age! 

his adopted youths: these are just people that he thinks are good and deserve protection and good things in life. they don’t have to be ‘youths’ its more of like a vibe thing. could be a 40 year old man and raf is like i will protect u little pal

friends: SO IMPORTANT just that crew, the ride or dies, the PALZONES. give them to me!!!

if you like this, i’ll pop over to plot some stuff. it might take me time to find a read all the intros but i’m 100% here and ready to meet these characters. 

[fleetingfigures]

Seven Items || Saerno Glista

ff

(forgive my use of an old screenie that didn’t make the coat in a photoshoot)

I. Daggers: Saerno may be an arcanist by trade, but being so one note is definitely not his thing. Gotta stay on top of the game and keep yourself an element of surprise... And what’s more surprising than being shanked by a bookworm? Well, a lot of things, but hey, stabbing is both surprising and deadly. So it’s a win win for him!

“The pair that I favor to stab with instead of throw are actually an old gift from a friend of mine. Been with these things for years now, but they still keep their edge with minimal upkeep...” 

II. Aetheric Crystals: ...And here comes the nerdy stuff. Gotta keep a host of aspected crystals on you at all times as a practitioner of Arcanima, no ifs ands or buts about it - for Saerno, that is. Sometimes you may find yourself in an area lacking in certain aspects of aether, which restricts your options if you don’t use someone’s aether to substitute that. Crystals allow you to not actively drain yourself or others for basic components and instead go about spellcasting in a much less painful process... For you, that is.

“W-well, I don’t just carry a whole jeweler’s case full of the things, if that’s what you’re wondering. I like to keep it simple, one of each aspect, that way I don’t make a fool of myself by having bulging pockets or pouches.”

III. Identification: With how much travelling, and how many people, businesses and institutions he has to deal with, Saerno thought it wise to always carry some form of proper identification on him at all times, it being a formal id of citizenship within Kugane. And while it does bite him in the ass if someone steals it, Saerno does keep an enchantment on it, which will allow him to remotely incinerate it with a small incantation. Always gotta be prepared for the worst, right?

“Fancy, right? I was surprised myself when the Kugane immigration office handed me it officially. I feel as weirdly powerful when I present it to others... Is that a bad thing?”

IV. Grimoire(s) and/or Parchment: The staple of any arcanist, but, with how well acclimated Saerno’s become with the art, he’s been needing them less and less. Though, for more complicated spells, it’s always advised to have them written down exactly so as to avoid a spectacular, but very painful, spellcrash. Saerno wants to avoid that very much, and so he always keeps some form paper upon him.

“Did you know that many arcanists enchant their tomes to actually perform a spell if they whack you with it? You don’t believe me, huh... Well, it seems class is in session, staaaaartiiiiing, NOW!”

V. A Peculiar Vial: A vial of some sort of liquid always appears to be held within some capacity on Saerno’s person, but when asked, his answers always vary. Just what exactly could it be? 

“H-hey, I said hands off! Special stuff I got here, and it’s my own little pick-me-up and no one else’s, got it?”

VI. A pair of Rose Gold Earrings: Saerno’s ears are constantly adorned by the little hoops of gold, though, they appear to be in excellent repair despite that. It’s clear that Saerno cares about them quite a lot, and often refuses to let others hold them. 

“A reminder, a gift, and a promise wrapped all into one object. Suffice to say, they’re important to me, okay? And i’m not willing to pawn them off, no matter your price.”

VII. Allagan... Device... Thing?: Whatever the hell this thing is, it obviously looks a bit like to those tomestones Rowena seems obsessed with. And hells, asking Saerno about it amounts to him rambling off a list of things that the common Eorzean wouldn’t even know to exist. Well, at least it seems to help Saerno out quite a lot, yes?

“OOOoooOOoo, spooky Allagan technology! Quiver in fear at the might of this absolutely normal device and fear me like the evil scientist I am! Or just treat me as you normally would, because this thing is completely harmless. Your choice.”

Tagged by: @way-to-the-future​ , @yshai-tia​ (Congrations, you buried me out of my writing hole again! And thanks, btw ;3) Tagging: @ffxiv-sunderedsouls​ , @meandering-mind​ , @placesyoucallhome​ , @clockworkdragonffxiv​ , @shadowburgers​ , @jancisstuff​ , @s-udarshana​ , And others who wish to do this but I haven’t tagged! (forgive me, it’s like 3 am. As always, you don’t have to do this! Just didn’t wanna seem like a sad sap and having no one to tag ;-; )

[moonraccoon-exe]

Hey! Sorry I had some pre-midterm tests to deal with! :/ anyway, for the supportive characters and stuff for gladnis, could I see stuff with glaives, the other chocobros, and... up to you! (A little bit of little sister Iris would be heavenly though...)

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AGAIN, SWEET MUFFIN, I AM HERE TO DELIVER yo pizza

I don’t know if these two asks are the same person (are you? :o) BUT LOOK AT THAT. SAME WANTS, SAME NEEDS, SO I SHALL PLEASE THE THIRST. And I hope it’s ok to put these two asks together? They’re asking for nearly the same, so I thought it was ok, but if either of you have any troubles with it, you tell me, okie? :3

BUT HERE I AM, ANSWERING THIS DELIGHT OF AN ASK ALKSDJFG YES. GLADNIS DEARS, I MISSED THE OTP.

Anyways, these are gonna be shorter for each character as they’re plenty, but they’ll form one big post so I hope you like it! :3

How other characters (besides papa Regis) support Gladnis:

Noctis

My boy is…slow.

He’s really smart, he’s just…very dense.

He’s known both Iggy and Gladio since he has memory, he’s just…very, very…v e r y dense in these matters. Very. Like. Very.

Ignis literally TOLD him about his crush on Gladio MULTIPLE TIMES.

Did Noctis catch it? OF COURSE NOT. He thought Ignis just over worried about his personal relationships, and never noticed he spoke about Gladio in ways he never spoke about others. And same the other way around, Gladio also spoke about Iggy with Noct AND THE IDIOT STILL. DIDN’T TIE ANYTHING TOGETHER.

Sixteen year old Gladio, blushing crimson red, messing with his uniform: “Do you…do you think…Ignis will think i look stupid? Or…maybe…or maybe if I do something to my hair…”

Noct just be like lmao why are you so stressed over a uniform you dummy thing what does ignis care anyway lol

He knew via Ignis. And of course he didn’t get it.

“Today was really nice. Gladio and I went to the park and just spent a nice while talking…I hope…maybe we can have a second date soon…”

Noctis is like yeah that’s nice

“And it’s official now! I don’t know why, but it just makes me more nervous, but in a good way. Is it normal? I’ve never…I’m just so happy, from among all people, Gladio chose me? AMONG ALL PEOPLE NOCT.”

yeah that’s nice specs :)

Noctis thinks Ignis is just talking about friendship, and when he uses romantic terms like date or boyfriend he THINKS IGNIS IS JOKING BECAUSE WHY WOULD HE BE TALKING SERIOUSLY

noctis pl…please

He finished processing it for real HAVING TO SEE THEM KISS. 

Noct was talking with Gladio, chatting chattering, then said bye. Gladio was going through a hallway, Ignis appeared, they said hello, then hugged, and proceeded to kiss. 

Noctis.exe Processing data.

Ignis and Gladio spent the while hugged snuggled and talking, and smooched again.

Noctis.exe Processing, please be patient.

Ignis and Gladio held hands and started going away together.

GASP

“OHMYGOD WERE YOU FOR REAL!?!?!?!??!”

Noctis.exe has short-circuited

Noctis supports them, just acts like he doesn’t give a damn.

Noctis is The Teenage Brother; will go Ew at everything romantic they do in front of him.

Gladnis snuggle.

“Eeeeewwwwwwwwww”

Gladnis smooch.

“UGH- UUH- EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW”

Iggy pokes Gladio’s nose and Gladio proceeds to pepper his face in smoochies.

*noctis gagging noises*

Gladio may shove Noctis in between them on purpose to annoy him. There were have them, Gladnis smooching with a much smaller Noctis trapped in between their chests, flailing, screeching, completely ignored and about to explode.

Noctis is the Worst wingman.

“Hey Noct, do you think Iggy will like me in this outfit?”

“eh”

he’s busy with the face buried in a cushion while he rots in boredom, DON’T INTERRUPT HIM.

“Hey Noct. Do you think Gladio already has one of these? I want to get him one but not sure if he has one already.”

“yeah”

Yeah what? Noctis you’re not helping

Noctis does as Regis and will sometimes use his power to get these two to be together, but, unlike Regis, he won’t say shit about it and will even deny it.

The prince requires of his chamberlains in this room which is conveniently empty and there just casually happens to be a secret door for the roof on this particularly starry night.

“I. FORGOT. OK? I FELL ASLEEP EARLY, I WAS TIRED, COR NEARLY SET ME ABLAZE IN TRAINING, I FELL DEAD ASLEEP, I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT THAT DOOR, LEAVE ME ALONE.”

Noctis is a gossipy little shit, but in a good way.

“Omg Iggy guess what today Gladio spoke about his cap ripping, see, I already told you what you can get him for Crystal Day, hm? HM? YOU’RE WELCOME.”

Also uses it to his favor.

“Ten gil and I tell you what Ignis wants to do for his birthday. He told me. Hm hm. For real. TEN GIL I SAID.”

Prince Noctis PROTECTS HIS BELOVED BROTHERS AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH TEETH AND NAILS, OK?

There’s this magazine that put up some tabloid stupid article that distorted something Ignis said and made Gladio look bad.

Noctis is alone in his office, feet on the desk, swinging a little on the chair, phone to the ear, and FREAKING AN G R Y.

“Yes, that’s what I said; put the article down and make another one clearing it. No, I’m not your boss, but I still request it. I will request it only once more. No? Then how much do you want for the brand? I will buy it and do it myself. Yes, I will buy it. My name and occupation? Prince Noctis CXIV, why? Oh? Aah, so NOW you want to put it down? How nice of you, guess you only needed time to re-consider it, right? It’s ok, it happens to the best of us, how kind of you.”

Ignis is trying to help Noct walk out of some place without being asphyxiated by the media, so he gets the spotlight.

“Mister Scientia! There’s rumors you and the Shield of the prince are DATING?”

Ignis freezes a little.

Noctis proceeds to let out tHE BIGGEST BURP OF HIS LIFE.

Next day tabloids “Prince Noctis BURPS LIVE! OOPS!”

The media are RUNNING STRAIGHT TOWARDS GLADIO.

Noctis is JUMPING BEFORE HIM TAKING HIS JACKET OFF AND DOING AN IDOL POSE.

“HAVE I TOLD YOU GUYS I’LL BE HAVING A BIIIIIIIIIIIG BIRTHDAY PARTY NEXT WEEK!?!?!”

Socially Awkward Ultra Timid prince Noctis actually stood there POSING for the cameras for ten minutes to get them distracted from the relationship announcement.

“Prince Noctis will host Huge Extra Most Expensive Billionare Birthday Party OF HISTORY!! WOW!!”

((big birthday party was pizza time with the chocobros lmao))

If Gladnis ever have a misunderstanding or problem, Noct is the first they go with. Noct is there to comfort them individually, and, smart boy as he is, he also figures out the mistake and plays a big role at fixing it.

“What? Oh no, that’s not what he said. Or not as you think. He meant…”

“Oh? Oh no, that’s not what he was doing!! Ahahah you dork, no! Actually…”

Noctis keeps asking “When are you dorks getting married?” to embarrass them and make them go shy.

Joke is on him when they DO GET MARRIED.

Noctis keeps complaining that how dare they be boyfriends, how DARE they be boyfriends, MAKING HIM, THE ACTUAL PRINCE, THE THIRD WHEEL????? 

But whenever Gladnis have the slightest misunderstanding, Noctis is first to go SMACK SENSE BACK INTO THEM HOW DARE THEY GET UPSET WITH EACH OTHER

Noctis has also used his title to make reservations in restaurants that clear THE WHOLE RESTAURANT just for Gladnis lmao

Noct has always hated that when he makes a reservation, they clear THE WHOLE RESTAURANT like NO, why would he want to dine in an empty place!? Not like he goes out often, but he’s learned that his title has that accidental effect, so guess who’s using it for Gladnis anniversary dinners.

When they want to get fancy, or when Noct wants them to go fancy, at least. Normally they just go for noodles the DORKS

Noctis covered half their wedding without even being asked because HE LOVES THEM AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP SO MUCH AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

((the other half was Regis and he was so upset he wasn’t allowed to cover it all, this dummy papa))

Noctis best supportive baby bro, please hug him.

Prompto

You knew about fanboy #1, but where is fanboy #2?

In the bushes, stalking them, snapping surprise photos to show them later.

“Prompto, that’s creepy.”

“BUT IF I TELL YOU I’LL TAKE PHOTOS, IT WON’T BE NATURAL ANYMORE, AND YOU TWO SHINE BRIGHTER WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW YOU’RE HAVING A PHOTO TAKEN. I’M HARMLESS, WHY IS IT CREEPY.”

Prompto that’s not the point, just…don’t.

How Prommy knew about Gladnis, hm?

It wasn’t that exciting, pretty modern way to know.

Noctis told him via text lmao

“DUDE I HAVE GROSS NEWS, YOU WON’T BELIEVE IT.”

Nocto! >:|

Prommy’s reaction was sort of cute, though. He’s a bit sharper than Noct to notice these things, but he still didn’t expect it. He thought about the two as a couple because he liked the sassy interaction, but he wasn’t sharp enough to see it wasn’t sass, it was ACTUAL FLIRTING. He was so used to the two being good friends it just. Didn’t occur to him that it was a real thing and not just him seeing things.

Noctis tells him via text.

Prommy is gasping OUT LOUD.

He gasped so loudly and sharp he chocked onto his own saliva and fell off the bed.

He ended up repeatedly swinging the feet in the air and against the mattress and squeaking. Squeaking.

“I KNEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW IT”

says the boy that didn’t know it

Prompto’s trying to talk about it all day with Noctis. 

Noctis talks about it for three minutes then goes “Uuuuuuuuuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhh can we please nOT”

Noct is just Like That with everything that isn’t videogames or fishing, have mercy on him. 

“Dude, and who told who? Dude, have they kissed already? Does lord Clarus know, omg. Dude, DUDE, DOES LORD CLARUS KNOW OHMYGOD”

“PROMPTO I DON’T KNOW”

Prompto’s THIRSTY for gossip and news on his new favorite ship.

Prompto’s stalking them on social medias waiting for the first of them to drop the first hint of romantic something. Why? Just to squeak about it. There’s literally no other use for it.

Prompto’s now Asking and not stopping.

Training with Gladio? “WHO TOLD WHO. HOW DID IT HAPPEN. SINCE WHEN DID YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM. WHERE WAS YOUR FIRST DATE, CAN I KNOW THAT? HAVE YOU TWO ALREADY KISSED. WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE. GLADIO, TELL ME MORE ABOUT IT AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH”

Hanging with Ignis? “WHO TOLD WHO. HOW DID IT HAPPEN. SINCE WHEN DID YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM. WHERE WAS YOUR FIRST DATE, CAN I KNOW THAT? HAVE YOU TWO ALREADY KISSED. WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE. IGNIS, TELL ME MORE ABOUT IT AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH”

Arcade with Noct? “NOCT, WHO-”

“PROMPTO I DON’T KNOW”

Prompto’s always asking about their relationship to either of them when he gets the chance. He could talk about it ALL DAY and go on and on.

“Why are you so interested in our relationship, Prompto?”

“I DON’T KNOW, IT’S JUST SO WEIRD, I’M SO CURIOUS. It’s like…its. It’s you *takes a fry* and it’s him *takes another fry* and it’s…*puts fries together* and it’s you.”

…prompto, don’t.

Prompto is the Anti-Noctis. 

Gladnis snuggle. Noctis goes Eeeww

*Prommy puts a hand to his chest and aaw’s*

Gladnis smooch. Noctis goes EEEEEEEEWWWWWW

*Prommy clutches chest chest and whimpers*

Ignis proceeds to poke Gladio’s nose who then proceeds to pepper his face in smoochies. Noctis is gagging.

Prommy’s hiding his face in his hands and SQUEAKING into a pillow.

“NOCTO HOW ARE THEY SO CUTE I DON’T UNDERSTAND.”

Prompto’s always doing shitty photoshop pictures of Gladnis that are ridiculous on purpose just to make them laugh. 

Prom is there to yell NO when Noctis makes a mean comment.

“UGH YOU TWO ARE SO DISG-”

“NOOOOOOOOO! YOU TWO ARE SO CUTE, KEEP DOING YOUR STUFF”

“Stinky dorks-”

“NO!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVEBIRDS!!!!!!! CUTE!!!!!!!”

“EW go get a roo-!”

“WE’RE LEAVING, YOU MAKE YOURSELVES COMFORTABLE, OK, IGNORE THIS ASSHAT”

Prompto. He. He made Gladnis puppets.

Ignis is too busy, like absolutely fucking loaded of royal stuff and so he’s away and unable to reach? Aaw, don’t be sad big guy. *puppet Ignis proceeds to smooch him*

*Puppet Ignis proceeds to give Gladio a million cheesy compliments and pick up lines in an unnecessarily high pitched voice*

*Puppet Ignis is nuzzling at him and insisting on kissing*

“PROMPTO STOP”

It’s not Prompto, it’s Pocket Ignis, you rude ungrateful ass.

Gladio’s not annoyed, he’s actually pretty amused XD

Gets tired of Prompto not leaving him alone, though? Gladio’s going to be “Ok you conviced me, come here Iggy” and tries to make out with the puppet, hence making a hysterical Prompto screech and try to run away.

Same goes for Ignis. Gladio’s away on some Crownsguard or Shield training at the outskirts? Away and gone and missing?

PUPPET GLADIO IS IN THE HOUSE, BABY, DON’T WORRY, HE’LL SMOOCHIE YOU IN THE MEANWHILE.

There we have an Ignis quickly striding across the flat escaping while Prompto tries to catch up with him with his cheesy pick-up lines and pet names with the Puppet Gladio.

When Gladio asked Prompto if he wanted to be his bestman for the wedding, Prompto nearly freaking had an aneurysm the poor eager hyped thing. 

Best supportive buddy ok, pls hug.

Nyx

He knew via Gladio.

Because guess who’s Gladio’s WINGMAN AYEEEEEEE

Cor, actually

BUT NOT THIS TIME. This time Nyx bby. Cor was Advice Man. Nyx was Accomplice Mate.

Gladio would tell Nyx his progress with his crush. Nyx would always listen because it was so stupidly adorable. 

It started because both would take longer in the training halls than the rest so they’d often meet at the shower/dressing room, and conversation started little by little. Conversation on Ignis first came up when a sixteen year old Gladio was being a bit clumsy, dropping his stuff and putting his shirt backwards and stuff, so of course an amused Nyx had to ask.

“I’m…we’re…some friends and I are going out tonight but…there’s…there’s this guy I like and I’m a bit nervous and…”

Nyx Romantic Aid Buddy senses tingled.

25 year old Nyx thinks IT’S SO CUTE OMG THE TEENAGE SHIELD HAS A CRUSH THAT’S SO AMUSING LMAO so he tried to help

Helped Gladio gather his stuff, dress nice, and calm down by talking smooth and cool with him, and inspired him to go ask that boy out or, if not, at least impress him.

From that day on, Nyx would ask just casually how things were going with the crush, and Gladio would inform. 

And it went on for YEARS lmao both as a crush and when they were already boyfriends and so on

Gladio first kept informing him of what he THOUGHT Ignis thought of him but no advances

“You know, Gladio, it’s been quite a while since you first told me of your crush and you still haven’t asked him out?”

“IT’S NOT THAT EASY TO ASK A GOD OUT IN A DATE, I’M SORRY I’M SUCH A MORTAL.”

Nyx kept encouraging him day after day after day, and it was perhaps partly the reason Gladio dared say anything. either because he was inspired or just annoyed lol

When they started talking about it, at first Nyx had no idea who the crush was and Gladio forgot to tell him alkajsd

One day when Nyx first started insisting Gladio ask him out, Gladio insisted he couldn’t do it and after a long while he just went “it’s just…it’s…it’s…Iggy? you know…the prince’s adviser?”

Nyx went  .u.  ohno that’s adorable best friend crush

Guess who now is not being very subtle on it (thankfully Iggy won’t notice lmao)

Every time Nyx sees Ignis now, HE FLINCHES AND GOES ALL EXCITED LIKE GASP “HELLO IGNIS :D”

Ignis is ??? h…hello mr glaive that never before spoke to me until now out of nowhere and so excitedly and daily?? 

Nyx can’t HELP IT HE’S SO EXCITED IT’S GLADIO’S CRUSH OMG THEY’VE SPOKEN ABOUT HIM SO MUCH HE CAN’T HELP BUT GET ALL EXCITED

Also, whenever he gets the chance, he freaking. MISLEADS IGNIS ON PURPOSE TO MAKE HIM GO WITH GLADIO.

“Mr. Ulric, would you happen to know where lord Drautos is?”

“n- YES. YES OMG YES YOU ASKED THE RIGHT GUY, HE’S AT THE EAST WING, THIRD FLOOR, MAIN HALL.”

Guess which Amicitia is holding guard in that room.

Nyx is accidentally bumping into either of them when they’re together trying to make them fall into each other into a romantic awkward hug that will turn into an adorable ask out for a date.

Nyx this isn’t a romantic tv show it doesn’t work like that you just made Gladio drop his candy

Nyx is giving Gladio A THOUSAND NOT SUBTLE SIGNS when he sees him with Ignis

Gladio is trying to have a casual, normal conversation with Ignis.

From above Ignis’ head he can see, at the other end of the hallway, a HYSTERICAL NYX JUMPING, BOUNCING IN HIS SPOT, FLAILING THE ARMS, MAKING FACES, MOUTHING SOMETHING, AND MAKING SIGNS OF “HUG HIM”, “KISS HIM”, “TELL HIM”, “YOU CAN DO IT”

Gladio is unable to focus in what Ignis is telling him because Nyx is flexing like a gorilla while making strange faces.

Nyx throws Gladio into meeting with Ignis without preparing him.

Nyx and Gladio are standing at a hallway just talking and chatting casually and GASP IGNISISCOMINGGOGOGOGOGOGOOG *SHOVES HIM INTO THE OTHER HALLWAY MAKING HIM NEARLY FALL AGAINST IGNIS*

Nyx thinks Gladio is ignoring him when he’s making signs to him so he’s now literally MAKING SIGNS TO HIM, like. A cardboard piece with a message on it NYX WAS TRYING TO GIVE GLADIO DIALOGUES LMAO HOW IS HE SUCH A DORK

Nyx is switching the conversation to Ignis if Ignis is passing by.

Gladio and Nyx are talking about some food stall they both seem to know and AH YES IT’S SO NICE YOU THINK THAT OF IGNIS, GLADIO

Gladio’s constantly made a blushing, nervous mess in these situations when Ignis turn to look and Nyx just KEEPS GOING. 

When Gladio told Nyx he had finally asked Ignis out and he said yes, Nyx stood on the bench and literally roared out “Yes” to the roof with the arms open and down like a dinosaur screeching. 

Every time Gladio is talking with Ignis now, or hugging him or anything, when he looks up from behind Ignis, there’s Nyx alone or with his other two friends making thumbs up and nodding and JESUS LORD CAN YOU NOT STARE GUYS, STOP.

Best Romance Aid Buddy, please hug.

Libertus

Libertus knew via Nyx.

Libertus wasn’t the slightly shaken. He had this blank face on as he kept drinking from his smoothie. Calmly put it down. 

“Weren’t those two brothers?”

Libertus is still a bit lost in the royal families’ relationships.

Nyx is sharing slight harmless gossip on the situation with Libertus. Libertus doesn’t really care much but he’s happy to hear Nyx. Not like he has lots of options anyway lmao

“He ALMOST asked him out this time but he shied away again, dammit.”

“Bummer.”

“I know.”

“LIB, HE SAYS IGNIS DROPPED A HINT TODAY, THAT’S A SIGN.”

“nice”

“I KNOW.”

Libertus is busier in his own stuff and world to care about people he rarely interacts with, but Nyx’s excitement slowly catches his attention with time.

Even Libertus can’t be saved from some cute romantic story.

Eventually, it’s Libertus who approaches Nyx for the gossip.

“Yo. How is Shield boy doing?”

“THEYWENTOUTALONEINANONOFFICIALDATE BUTTHATCOUNTSASADATERIGHT OMG MY BOY IS PROGRESSING”

“Nice.”

The curiosity, of course, leads him to start spying a bit as well.

There we have Ignis standing in a hallway reviewing some papers when he feels a stare, so he turns and there, in the distance, is some Glaive that’s never spoken to him, smiling at him, and waving.

what the hell

Now every time Nyx gets all hyped because he’s seeing Gladnis interact, Libertus gets dragged along so he just stands there and stares too. 

Nyx is the “IMPRESS HIM, HUG HIM, YOU’VE GOT HIM NOW KISS HIM” guy. Libertus is the kind to make *index fingers goes into the O formed by other hand’s thumb and index* signs at Gladio.

Libertus is going with Amicitia junior to get a laugh from how she talks about Gladnis. 

“And the other day Ignis went to our house and he helped papa prepare dinner, and it was very delicious and I had a wonderful time, Ignis is great and I always tell papa to adopt him and sell Gladdy at the market.”

Libertus finds little Iris’ sister talk funny. 

Libertus is shoving condoms into early-relationship-stages-Gladio’s pockets so they fall off while he’s talking with Ignis just to make them both embarrassed.

“Gladio?”

“I DIDN’T. PUT IT THERE, NO, IT’S NOT- NO, I REALLY MEANT JUST DINNER, THIS WASN’T- NO.”

When they do start having sexual interaction, though, Gladio just gets free condoms now and joke is on Libertus.

Libertus just wants to have fun.

Crowe

Crowe’s confused, but hell does she support that.

“I THOUGHT LITTLE GLASSES KID WAS ACE?”

Why was Nyx the only one that wasn’t surprised, where are you two dorks getting all your info from omg

Crowe noticed before Nyx told her.

Crowe’s sharp on this one. She did think Iggy was ace, but she wasn’t 100% sure because she could see the signs.

Crowe’s like (ಠ‿ಠ) every time she sees them interact after the first time he caught a first glimpse of a sign.

Sort of like how Libertus started waving hello at Ignis from afar, except she’s much sneakier and hasn’t been caught and does the creepy (ಠ‿ಠ)

Crowe’s trying to set them up every time. Indirectly.

She’s asking Luche to smack Pelna without him knowing Drautos will be watching so Drautos is chiding Luche and Pelna for their kidly fight, getting Drautos busy and distracted a bit, Cor will be curious and will approach and ask what’s going on, Gladio will look for Cor because he’s late for his training, so he’s going to ask someone if they know where Cor is, and Crowe is SO MAKING ANOTHER OF THESE LARGE PLANS TO HAVE IGNIS BE THAT ONE PERSON AT QUESTION REACH.

Crowe this is unnecessarily intrincate stop

Crowe’s giving flirting advice to Gladio, too

Glaive Trio = Gladio’s Wingmen Squad

Nyx is the supportive cheering guy. Libertus is the sexual jokes dork. Crowe is the STYLE ADVISER.

“Sweetie, you don’t want to tell him that. Unbutton the collar, your hair a bit more like…this, chin up, and you give him a look like you don’t care about anything. You grab his shoulder. And now a smolder as we practiced. Voice deep. Tone smooth, but sound a little raspy. And you say. Hey.”

Crowe’s giving Gladio a Judging Look every time he says he wasn’t able to ask Ignis out. It’s enough to make Gladio feel embarrassed and little (in a good way that makes him go YEAH IT’S NOT THE BIG THING I CAN DO IT.)

“You’re such a nerd with your condom jokes, Libertus.”

Crowe is making condom jokes, too, the double faced nerd.

Crowe is telling Gladio she could lend him her bike to impress Ignis.

“Just a problem, Crowe.”

“Hm?”

“…I don’t know how to ride this. And he does, so I don’t think he’s gonna be impressed.”

Dork.

Crowe is trying to make Gladio grab that Sexy Attitude, BUT HE’S JUST. TOO MUCH OF A NERD, HOW DOES HE HAVE ANY REPAIR.

Crowe SLAPS HIM WHEN HE SAYS HE’S NOT WORTHY OF IGGY.

“OF COURSE YOU’LL NEVER BE WITH THAT MINDSET, WHAT THE HELL DID I TELL YOU YOU ARE? EXACTLY. WORTHY. NOW GO GET YOUR DATE WITH THAT BOY.”

((it’s nice slap, no worry))

Crowe is the dangerous (harmless) threatening friend that will insist as in REALLY insist for asking the crush out.

Nyx tells her and Libertus for the tenth time that Gladio chickened out last minute again.

Crowe is going over to Gladio.

“It’s not that hard, boy. I swear to the Six, if you don’t do it, I’ll do it for you.”

“I…I can’t…”

“…”

“…”

“Ok, I’m going.”

Crowe actually. WENT WITH IGNIS. 

Gladio’s standing in the hallway internally screeching so hard his face is red and he’s about to have a heart attack while flailing all over the place, and Crowe’s getting to Iggy.

Gladio thinks she’s just kidding and will just walk past him.

Crowe’s tapping Ignis on the shoulder and now they’re talking.

Gladio’s on the floor spazzing.

He can’t live anymore bye.

Crowe’s just making casual talk with Ignis lmao just did it to make Gladio have that breakdown because AH YOU DIDN’T LIKE HOW IT FELT, DID YOU? DID YOU???? WELL NEXT TIME I’LL DO IT FOR REAL SO YOU ASK HIM OUT NOW, BOY.

Crowe’s stealing Iris when Gladnis want lonely time but don’t want Iris to like. Suspect anything kajsdka.

Crowe’s clearing the area for Gladnis when they’re all smoochie snuggly and some idiot like Luche is about to walk by.

Hey Luche. *throws a towel to his face*

Crowe is warping to Gladnis when they’re about to smooch just to startle them lmao

Crowe’s having more fun than Libertus

Sometimes, after or while making out with Ignis, Gladio looks up and Crowe’s on the other end of the hallway like (ಠ‿ಠ) *eyebrow wiggle*

Crowe no

Crowe’s always. ALWAYS. The one finding them the secret spots in the Citadel when they want a quicky.

Gets them the tools, too *eyebrow wiggle*

Good girl Crowe approves.

Cor

*HYPERVENTILATES*

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED HERE, YOU KNOW I FUCKING LOVE COR WITH A PASSION

He knew about it through Regis because…fanboy #1 had to tell all his friends of course.

Cor is mid sandwich when Regis KICKS HIS DOOR OPEN

“CORHAPPYNEWSIGNISANADGLADIOAREOFFICIALLYDATINGNOW”

Cor still has his mouth half-opened for the bite he was about to take. Regis is welcoming himself in his office and grabbing a chair and sitting all while rambling near screeching

“YOUSHOULDHAVESEENIGNIS’FACEOMG BOYWASBEAMINGWITHJOYITWASSOCUTE HEWASLIKEANDIWASLIKEITOTALLYHAVETOASKHIMSOIDIDANDGUESSWHATHAPPENEDITWASSOCUTE”

Regis was so excited he left without having had one word from Cor.

Cor sat there in silence with the sandwich in his hands while his brain processed what just happened.

When he understood he just smiled, lifted the eyebrows, thought “who would have thought”, and continued eating his sandwich.

Have mercy on him, he’s dry and cold and a stone.

Cor was always Gladio’s Advice Man. Nyx encourages, Cor guides.

Cor is petting Gladio on the head every time he’s pining or moping about being unable to ask Iggy out.

Cor is Practice Dummy for Gladio’s attempts at how to confess.

It didn’t work lol

Gladio told Cor about his crush. IGNIS TOLD COR about HIS crush. COR KNEW ABOUT IT BEING A MUTUAL THING. BUT DID HE SAY SOMETHING. DID HE FUCKING. SAY SOMETHING.

NO. COR LEONIS DIDN’T SAY A FUCKING THING.

“Wait you knew all along? Why didn’t you tell any of us!? It would have made it much easier, we’d have known it was mutual and we’d have confessed earlier.”

“…it wasn’t my secret to tell.”

COR >:|

Cor is the most supportive uncle you’ll ever find. From afar. Very quietly.

Cor is there to support Clarus too when Clarus becomes a Lost Papa on the matter. Doesn’t understand much as Cor doesn’t have a similiar experience, but a buddy can always listen.

Cor is there to support Ignis when he becomes a little insecure as to if it’s alright to be dating someone from the second most important family of all Lucis and maybe Eos.

Cor is there to support Gladio when he becomes a little insecure as to whether or not he’s being a good partner as he thinks Ignis deserves because it never feels like he’s doing enough.

Always having his mug of coffee with him, of course.

Ignis’ parents are forcing him into extra training time?

Oh my what a shame I have no extra space for that….bUT YOU CAN ALWAYS COME INTO MY SIX PM TRAINING WITH ANOTHER MATE BUT I DON’T THINK YOU’LL HAVE TROUBLES WITH SHARING RIGHT?

Ignis himself is overdosing on work and refuses to listen even to Gladio.

Cor is KNOCKING HIM OUT. ACCIDENTALLY. DURING TRAINING. A C C I D E N T A L L Y.

Ignis is nervous about dinner with the Amicitia.

Cor secretly made sure to put Clarus in a really good mood before work shift was over.

“I’m sad. I have watch on the main hall at five, so it won’t be over in a good couple hours, and Iggy finally had some free time today…”

Cor is fucKING SNATCHING THAT WATCH. NO ONE IS PAYING HIM FOR THESE EXTRA HOURS BUT DOES HE FUCKING CARE. 

NO

Boys went out late at night and were home pretty late. Clarus was angry.

“They were at my place. Sorry I didn’t tell you.”

Cor :0

it fine they young let them live 

who would have thought that under that stoic face there was such a nice devil, Cor

Cor is always number one person they go to when they want to share some Gladnis thing in conversation. It’s just so easy to talk with him, he has no expressions and doesn’t answer, it’s like talking to a lamppost.

He does give advice or comfort if needed, though.

Cor always comes up with holidays plans or discounts for the two.

“Do you look up holidays for two on your spare time just to tell us?”

“…they pop up randomly in my computer.”

Cor you don’t use your computer.

Cor is a bit too honest. Doesn’t mean any harm, he’s jsut being honest.

“You don’t want to kiss Gladio today. He’s stinky.”

COR 

Cor dealing with Gladnis in the everyday

“Ok, we’re in for our sparring session today, we-”

“Cor can I go smooch Iggy? He’s over there at the window :3″

“…”

“…”

“No. Defeat me and you can”

“D:”

“Ok, today’s session-”

“*Ignis’ sad puppy eyes*”

“-is cancelled, I heard Gladiolus is at the fifth floor, go look for him and say hello for me.”

he’s not giving preferences lmao he just has to train Gladio but couldn’t resist Ignis’ unintentional sad puppy eyes. WHO IN THIS WORLD CAN.

Cor is answering for them to the media.

“Mister Gladiolus, is it true you and Ignis Scientia are dating?”

“No, we’re not.”

“No, I was asking-”

“I’m not.”

“…I was-”

“No.”

Cor sees the struggle they go through with the media and Noct jumping in to save them and thinks it’s very noble so let’s give the boy a break, and be the shield ourselves.

Cor is now bodyguard for the Gladnis in public.

“Mister Amicitia!”

“Yes?”

“No, I mean Mister Amici”

“Y e s ?”

Media tries to go to Ignis

“…m…mister…Scienti-”

Cor’s popping out of nowhere with his dead face like

“Y E S?”

Cor’s using the Gladnis to encourage them to train harder.

“If you want to save him you have to defeat me.”

“COR, NO, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, THAT’S NOT HOW- NO”

“And I’m not having mercy on you, hm”

“BUT WHY WOULD YOU PUT GLADIOLUS IN A CAGE, HE’S NOT EVEN CONSCIOUS”

Ignis is tied to the ceiling somehow

“COR NO”

“Get through me and he’ll be safe”

“COR THIS IS NOT PEDAGOGIC.”

They won only once. Because Ignis broke out of the cage. and maybe they had Nyx help. And maybe Cor was blindfolded.

He’s the Legend, you can’t just win against Cor like it’s nothing.

Uncle Cor picked Gladio’s wedding suit. 

Uncle Cor will be the most hysterical loving grand uncle but we’re not there yet akldsjf

Uncle Cor good boi he approves and likes yes yes

Iris

NOW HERE IS THE TEA.

S I S T E R  I N  L A W   I R I S

Iris the Adorable and Equally Frightening. Iris the Badass. Iris the kiddo. AS HER ROLE IN GLADNIS.

Iris was like nine or ten when Gladnis became official.

You know fanboy #1 and fanboy #2. BUT THIS IS FANGIRL #1 BABY GIRL IRIS IS ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL FOR GLADNIS.

Iris likes Ignis and has always done. She once asked Santa Crys that Clarus adopted Ignis because he’s just such a good Big Bro.

Iris did genuinely asked Clarus once to adopt Ignis and sell Gladio at the market. 

She loves Gladdy wholeheartedly, it’s just Sibling Stuff.

Ignis has always been good to Iris since even before he and Gladio were a thing, and it’s always been genuine, not just that “get the little sibling love to have easier access” thing. 

Ignis and Iris even spend time alone without Gladio.

Ignis has gone to pick Iris up from school.

Ignis has given Iris his jackets if it’s cold or raining.

Ignis has cooked for Iris a million times.

Ignis has been her confidant for YEARS for things she feels too shy to share with anyone else, even Gladio.

Why do I feel I’ve already written Ignis-Iris headcanons and these exact same? 

Ignis constantly lets Iris use him as model for make-up or nails or hair.

Iris constantly sews plushies for him. Ignis has a whole shelf full of little and big plushies he’s been gifted.

Iris will go to Ignis if she sees him and try to drag him home since she was like seven.

Ignis nearby? Yes, papa, we’re taking him home. What do you mean no? I will feed him and make a bed for him in the living room.

Iris, he’s not a pet aksjdf

Iris and Ignis have their own little bubble and Gladio’s not allowed in, I’m sorry

There they are the two dorks. They’re talking. They’re talking about SOMETHING. What is it? What is it? YOU WILL NEVER KNOW. WHY THEY ARE GIGGLING, YOU WILL NEVER KNOW.

Iris spoke so much and for so long about Clarus adopting Ignis that Gladio was a bit scared of how she would manage the news of them in a relationship because that would cut the option of adopting him.

Iris took it surprisingly well.

A bit too well.

Iris screeched.

Iris jumped out her window. 

Her room is on the second floor.

It’s fine, she’s trained since little because the little shit could never sit still and Cor had to do something to at LEAST teach her to land since age 5 because the gods know this child needs to know how to land.

Iris ran around the house for an hour before she got tired and collapsed in the grass, and even there she kept flailing and screeching.

Clarus arrived home to Gladio calmly watching TV eating ice-cream while a nine year old Iris was sprawled on a side of the house like her sould abandoned her.

Iris is a Prompto equivalent of The Asker.

“HOW WAS IT. WHO TOLD WHO. WHERE DID YOU GO. HOW MANY DATES HAVE YOU HAD. HAVE YOU ALREADY KISS. WHY HADN’T YOU TOLD ME BEFORE. WILL YOU MARRY HIM. GLADDY TELL ME MORE.”

Someone is knocking on Gladio’s door at two a.m.

“Gladio have you told him you love him.”

Gladio closed the door in her face.

Iris never stopped trying to drag Ignis home even when she was already 15.

There she is, calmly going, grabbing Ignis’ wrist, and saying nothing while heading to Clarus’ car.

Family dinner at the Amicitia, nothing is going on, nothing relevant has happened for months, everyone is quiet and

*LOUD FIST SMASH ON THE TABLE*

“YOU HAVE TO MARRY HIM OR I’LL BE SO FREAKING ANGRY, GODS DAMMIT”

The happiest motherfucking day in Iris’ life was when Ignis called at her door, sat down on her floor, and said “Would you be so kind as to teach me to make a moogle plush toy myself? I’d love to make one for Gladio.”

Iris taught both Gladio and Ignis to sew moogle plushes AND SHE WAS SO HYSTERICALLY FREAKING C LO S E TO TELL EACHE OTHER “HE’S MAKING ONE FOR YOU TOO OMG THE COINCIDENCE, WHAT WERE THE ODDS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

Iris is fan #1 of Prompto’s Gladnis photos and is always asking him to show her.

Iris gets some of those photos framed. She’s not even gifting them to them, she’s just putting them at the livign room because LOOK AT THIS HAPPY FAMILY, THAT’S MY BROTHER IN LAW AND MY BROTHER AREN’T THEY THE MOST BADASS ADORABLE COUPLE IN THE WORLD AREN’THEYGODDAMMIT!!?!??!

Gladio is annoying Iris on purpose.

“Gladdy, I’m gonna have Iggy kick your ass.”

Ignis is very much ready to kick Gladio’s ass if Iris asks him for it.

Iris likes to cause little harmless misunderstandings between the two just for the sake of it.

“?? Ignis? I thought I’d bring the tools.”

“?? No, I was told I’d bring the tools? What are we cooking if no one brought the food?”

Iris is containing the laugh from the living room. 

“Hey, I thought I’d forgotten my scarf here?”

“No, you took it home with-”

“…”

“…”

“Iris.”

“IT WASN’T ME, WHY DO YOU THINK EVERY TIME IGNIS COMES HOME LOOKING FOR SOMETHING AND DOESN’T FIND IT IT’S ME WHO TOLD HIM THAT JUST TO HAVE HIM COME OVER? PFFT.”

Iris sometimes gets gifts to give to Gladio so HE can give them to Ignis

“Iris, I already give him a bunch”

“IT’S NOT ENOUGH GLADDY”

Iris alongside with Prom is always trying to get them nice, romantic dates. Cheesy sometimes. Overly cheesy sometimes. 

There you see the whole scenery Prommy and Iris put up together in a garden, a tiny table and cushions for a comfy date, in a little silk-drapes tent decored with lights, candles, and a couple flowers.

“Iris we just wanted to watch dumb cartoons”

“SHUT UP THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ROMANTIC”

Not like Iggy and Gladio are complaining but omg the EFFORT

You know what sorta sister in law Iris is?

Gladio and Ignis are having a private conversation at the garden.

“Would you like to stay for dinner?”

Iris from somewhere in the universe

“WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER”

Honestly how badass is Iris here, you pick on her, she brings forth her TWO BIG GUARDIAN BROTHERS 

Iris be. Cutest most troublesome most supportive sister in law since she’s a kid, ok? SHE’S MORE INTO GLADNIS THAN GLADNIS THEMSELVES.

AND THERE YA GO AKLSDJFGKLHJAD 

Aaaaaah man, this took quite longer than I expected, but was it worth it! I had lots of fun with it, and I hope you enjoyed it too? I REALLY HOPE SO BECAUSE THIS IS FOR YOU ALSKJDFDLGKJ

Also, I hope the midterm thing went okie!! Sending you lots of happy raccoonie thoughts for school to be gentle and go FANTASTIC! ( ´ ▽ ` )

Thanks for the ask and LOTSA MAGIC YAYS FOR YOU! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

[mycatshuman]

The Emo Who Stole Christmas

Chapter 1 : Story time!

Word Count: 3,068

Pairings: Pre-established Prinxiety, pre-established Logicality, pre-established Demus

Warnings: Commercialization of Christmas, falling down the mountain, Grinch used as an insult? Small car crash with no harm, brief mention of playing with matches, mentions of messing with mail? Almost getting crushed by a stamp, child being wrapped in wrapping paper, that might be it I'm not sure and I know these sound weird but I'm just being careful.

Remus and Deceit don't come in until the next chapter.

Thank you so so much to @icequeenoriginal !!! You are basically the co-creator to this fic and it really would not be as good as it is without you. And I also have to thank you for coming up with such and ingenious title!!💜💜

Masterlist | Next | More Chapters

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Snowflakes fall through the dark sky. A sparkling flake flies close and then we zoom inside the snowflake, watching sparkling crystals fly by as we start on our journey. 

Storytime! Inside a snowflake, like the one on your sleeve, there happened a story you must see to believe. The clouds break away and we see snow-covered mountains and evergreen trees dotted across the landscape. 

And in that snowflake, way up in the mountains, in the high range of Pontoos, lay the small town of Whoville: the home of the Who's. Ask any Who, And they'll say: "There is no place like Whoville around Christmas Day!" 

Every window was flocked, and every lamppost was dressed and the Whoville band marched in their Christmasy best! Or holiday best if they celebrated a different holiday. Who's run through the town as the snow falls around them, their arms full with bags and gifts and decorations. 

Arbor Day was fine, and Easter was pleasant and every Saint Fizzin's day, they ate a Fizz pheasant. But every Who knew, from their twelve toes to their snout, they loved Christmas (or other winter holidays like Kwanzaa and Hanukkah) the most, without a single Who doubt.

------

A man with dark skin hurriedly says "Farfingle's welcomes you! Thank you! Happy Holidays! Thank you for shopping at Farfingle's!" The man is looking a little pale as he tries to keep up with the sales as people shove money at him to pay for gifts. No one stopping to take their receipts, causing the man to become exhausted and fighting to keep his smile on his face. 

Patton walked around as he stared at his long gift list. "We got a snoozlephone for your brothers Stu and Drew, a muncle for your uncle, fant for your aunt, and a fandpa for your cousin Critic. That means we just need….." Patton paused and looked around, realizing he couldn't find his child. "Emile?" He called out.  "Emile? Honey?" He turned to find a set of legs sticking out from under a square of presents. He crouched and pulled a wrapped gift from the middle and his child's face peered out at him. Their face was pinched slightly and they seemed uncertain about something. "Doesn't this seem like a bit much?" They asked as they glanced at the presents. 

Patton chuckled heartily. "Oh no! This is what Christmas is all about!" Emile scrunched their nose as they looked at their father. "Can't you feel it?"

Emile shook their head and sighed as they left the store getting ready to head to the post office, where Patton worked. In the background, the sound of the store clerk’s increasingly exhausted voice sounded. "Wait! Don't forget your change!!!!!" 

Outside, the loud bell tolled and everyone froze. The Counter shouted, "Another Minute Closer to the Holidays!"

"And now, for the next ten minutes only, 99% off!!" A store owner shouts out into the busy streets and everyone rushed forward to try and get as much as they could from the store. 

-------

Yes, every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot. But the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, did not.

-----

Four Who teenagers climbed up the mountain quickly laughing and giggling, on their way to cause mischief. Or so they thought. "Come on! All the good mistletoes at the top! Missy! I'll race you!" Emile's brother Pranks shouted. 

"The last one to the top is a stinky old Grinch!!" Missy shouted as he raced past his brother. 

"Where are we?" One of the teens said as she climbed up alongside her sister. "I think we should go back before something bad happens."

"What? Are you scared of the Grinch?" 

The other sister huffed and grabbed her sister's arm and marched up to the door and hesitated. "Go on! Touch the door!" Pranks cried out. The sister gulped and reached forward only for the door to swing open and a huge ugly purple face with piercing fangs stared at them with malevolent eyes. A thundering growl sounded from the pit of the beasts' throat. The teens screamed and turned around only to tumble down the mountain head over heels. 

"Remy!! Look at them run!! Scared them so bad they fell right off our mountain!!" A deep voice laughed as he picked up an apple. "It serves them right. Those Yuletide-loving sickly-sweet, not-sucking cheer mongers! I don't like them. I really don't." The voice paused as they stopped and a flush spread across their pale face. "Well, most of them."  The voice moved out the door and stood looking down at the town of Whoville. "Remy! Sass master! Get my cloak!" The figure grimaced as he looked down at the town. "I've been too tolerant of these delinquents and their "innocent, victimless pranks." The figure's frown deepened as he glared at the town. If looks could kill. "So, they want to get to know me? Do they really? Want to spend a little quality time with the-" the future's nose scrunched in disgust. "Grinch!" He spat out the name as if it had hurt him. And maybe it had. He huffed and then turned to his cat Remy who sat next to his midnight colored cloak. A wicked grin spread across his face. "I guess I could use a little...social interaction." 

---------

A dark clothed figure walked through the town, A small dark grey cat trotting along beside them. Well, maybe walking wasn't so accurate. The figure seemed to glide and float across the ground as if it was an otherworldly spector. However, none of the Who's seemed to notice this different looking figure. "Happy Holidays!" A person called cheerfully as they walked past the figure. Virgil grimaced. "Yeah, yeah, you bet. Ho, ho, ho, and all that stuff or whatever." If any Who had stopped to peer closer at the hooded figure they might find a weird creepy mask and a lanky body covered in dark purple fur. It was a suit Virgil used to frighten the Whos more. It also to stay warm in the biting cold weather. 

A horn blared as a car crashed into a pole and Virgil gasped overdramatically. "Oh no!" He exclaimed and looked down at Remy. "Someone must have vandalized that vehicle. Don't you see, Remy? This city is a dangerous place!" He snickered after he confirmed his little trick hadn't hurt anyone.

The Grinch hated the holidays. The whole Holiday season. Or maybe he didn't. Maybe it just hurt to remember what the Who's had done to him. But please do not ask why. No one quite knows the reason. Aside from one other.

Virgil stopped two children and handed then a play saw, perfectly harmless but looked very real. "Here's a present for you two! Now be sure to run real fast with it! Double time!" 

Some believe it's because his head wasn't screwed on just right. Or that his shoes were too tight. But they think the most likely reason of all is, maybe his heart is two sizes too small.

As Virgil was walking a man stopped him from moving any further. "Hey, there stranger! Won't let you go until you buy a chapeau!" Virgil lifted his mask and hissed. The salesperson who had stopped him fainted out of sheer terror. Virgil held back a snort and he and Remy were on their way. 

-------

Patton carried presents alongside his child, Emile as they made their way to the post office. "Oh boy! Nothing beats Christmas! Right kiddo?" 

Emile frowned. "I don't-I guess." 

Patton frowned and turned to look at his child. "You guessed?" He asked, concern lacing through his words. 

Emile shrugged as they looked down. "I mean, I look around and see you and Pa getting all kabbabled and doesn't it seem...superfluous?" 

Patton opened his mouth to say something when a loud screaming reached his ears and he froze, turning towards the source of the noise as everyone around them did the same. 

"DAD!!!!" Missy and Pranks raced into the town square as the Mayor came out of his office along with his assistant to see what the commotion was about. 

"What happened to you?!?!" Patton asked panicked. The two boys were covered in frost and snow as they tried to stutter out a response. "It was the Grinch!" 

Virgil looked up. "What do you want?" He froze, "I mean.." He pitched his voice higher. "'Grinch? Oh, no!'"

"Did you say Grinch?" The mayor, Anton Who said as he stalked over to the family. 

Patton froze.“H-Hello Anton, M-Mayor Sir.” Patton said as he moved his children behind him. 

Anton sighed "Patton, I don't think I need to remind all of you that this Christmas marks the one-thousandth Whobilation."

"Whoville's most important celebration!!"

"As you know," the Mayor began as he pulled out a very large and thick book. "The Book of Who says very clearly, 'Every size of Who we can measure knows that Whobilation is a time we must treasure!'" He closed the book, perhaps a bit too quickly. "Now, Patton. Please tell me that your children have not been up on Mount Crumpit provoking one and only creature within a billion bilometers of here who hates the holidays!"

Missy and Pranks began speaking quickly, "But it was the Grinch-" 

Patton stopped them by covering their mouths, terrified of what the consequences may be for them and their family if they kept talking. "No, Mayor. They didn't see no Grinch. They were probably just up on the mountain playing with matches or defacing public property or something…" 

The Mayor let out a sigh of relief as he placed his gloved hand on his chest. "Oh! That is such a relief." He turned his extravagant cape dragging behind him. "All right! You heard the man! There is no Grinch Problem here! Happy Holidays!" The mayor called cheerfully. 

Virgil frowned and raised his mask and stuck a straw between his lips and spit a ball of paper at the Mayor. The mayor frowned and whipped the ball off his face, disgusted. Virgil chuckled as he pulled his mask down and went off again. 

-----

Roman May let out a sigh as he realized he still had four hours until it was dark enough to leave town. So he just rolled his new purchase home, slowly, hoping to kill more time. He paused at the post office however and let out a faint chuckle as he noticed the end of a cape and a cat's tail slipping through the crack in the door as it fell close. He sighed dreamily. "That's my love," he muttered fondly to himself and walked away with a lot more pep in his step than before. 

-----

Emile frowned as they watched their dad walk down a long hallway with envelopes and presents as he stuffed them in small cubes lining one wall that leads into the room on the other side. "Dad, I just- I don't understand something."

"Hhm?" Patton asked as he continued working but made sure to give his child the attention they deserved. 

"Why so everyone so against talking about the Grinch?" 

Patton huffed quietly, a little admirable of his child's fascination. "You kids and the Grinch…” he said softly. "You see, Emile, the Grinch is a Who, who always…." He paused. "Well...he's actually not a Who. He's more a..." 

"A what?" 

Patton nodded. "Yeah, he's more a what who doesn't like Christmas or any other holiday." Emile's face pulled down into a frown as they listened to their dad. "Just take a look at his mailbox. Not a single card, in or out. Not ever!" 

Emile looked at the empty mailbox that had seemingly been empty for so long that cobwebs filled the dead space. "But why?" They asked as they turned to look at their dad, unsure why someone wouldn't have at least been kind enough to try and include him. 

Patton opened his mouth to answer his child only to be cut off by people crowding around the front counter. "Patton! I got the wrong mail!!!" Someone cried out frantically and Patton gave Emile an apologetic smile and walked to the counter. "I'm coming!" He called out. "We can sort this all out!" 

-----

Virgil grinned wickedly as he stood in the mailroom and looking at the mailboxes from the other side. "Oh, this will take them years to sort out!" He began to grab envelopes and switch them around. "This is his and now it’s yours. This is hers and now it’s his!" He giggled gleefully and turned around. Picking up a stack of bright yellow envelopes he spun around. "And for the rest of you!" He flung envelopes into random mailboxes with great force as he chuckled madly to himself. "Jury duty! Jury duty! Jury duty! Blackmail! Pink slip! Chain letter! Eviction notice! Jury duty!" Remy watched unamused as Virgil tried to wreak havoc. He rolled his eyes, as well as a cat could. Virgil may seem threatening but in all actuality, he was just a hurt soul trying to hurt those who hurt him but was too nice to do so. At least he had Remy to keep him in check. 

-----

Patton walked over to Emile and held out a small stack of envelopes. "Hey, Emile, would you mind helping me take this to the mailroom?" Emile nodded and took the envelopes from their father. Patton smiled and ruffled their hair. "Thank you. Now be careful of the sorting machine, alright?" 

Emile nodded with a small smile and turned around and opened the door to the mailroom and glanced over as they watched the conveyor belt drop presents down a hole to have Fragile stamped on the side. They set the mail down and turned to leave only to hear a loud splat. They turned around and frowned as they noticed an ugly, overly happy mask sitting on the floor. They bent over and picked up the mask and inspected it. 

Virgil and Remy stared down below at the small Who child that had entered the mailroom. They were squished into the corner of the ceiling, trying to stay perched where they were until the child left. Then Remy sneezed. "Gesundheit," Virgil muttered. Emile gasped and whirled around, their gaze going to the ceiling. "Whoops."

Emile stuttered as they stared at the purple fur of the Grinch and the dark grey cat and screamed. The Grinch screamed back. Emile screamed again, and as the Grinch let out another scream they slowly composed themselves.  "You're the...the...You're the..."

Virgil jumped down and leaned forward into Emile's face. "The Grinch!" He snarled. Emile screamed and fell back into a pile slowly falling through the hole in the floor leading to the conveyor belt for the sorting machine. Virgil blinked as he tried to calm his racing heart. "Well...I guess that worked out..." He quickly turned towards the door, terrified of getting caught. "Remy, let's go. Our work here is done." 

"Help!! Help me! Please! Somebody!" Emile screamed as their head fell closer to the conveyor belt. Remy stopped just short of the door and gave Virgil a look that said, 'I know you're gonna feel guilty about this. Go help them, gurl.' 

Virgil huffed at being called out despite not actually hearing what Remy said, he was pretty good at telling what his cat was thinking. "All the bleeding hearts of the world unite! Ugh!" Virgil turned around and grabbed a hold of Emile's ankle before pulling the child out and quickly turning them upright. "There!" Virgil exclaimed. Although he turned his voice down at noticing the slightly shocked face of the child. He huffed and yanked the mask from them. "Give me that! Don't you know you're not supposed to take things that don't belong to you?! What are you, some kind of wild animal?!?!?" 

Emile blinked, desperately trying to process what exactly had just happened. They quickly found their voice as they vaguely heard the Grinch say something about leaving to their cat. "Thank you for saving me!" 

Virgil froze and slowly turned around to face the child again. "Saving you?" He asked slowly, carefully. "Is that what you think I was doing?" Emile nodded. Virgil huffed. He couldn't have this getting out, who knows how many teens would come up to bother him then! He grimaced. "Wrong-o!" He glanced to the side and noticed a roll of wrapping paper on a wrapping paper holder. He glanced back at the child. They can't know where I'm going. I have to make sure to stall them. "I simply noticed you weren't properly packaged, dear child." 

Emile stepped back only for the Grinch to began rapidly wrapping them up in the shiny red wrapping paper. "Hold still!" The Grinch exclaimed. Then he turned to his cat. "Remy! Pick out a bow!" Then the Grinch paused. "May I use your finger for a moment?" After a few more moments, Emile felt the Grinch's presence move away. They heard a snap and an "ow" at what, Emile assumed, was the Grinch putting his mask back on. 

Emile stood silent for a few moments after the Grinch left before they began shouting. "Hello! Hello!"  

Patton frowned as he looked for his child. A small "hello" drew him towards the mailroom and he opened the door. "Emile?" 

"Dad! Daddy!" Emile called out as they sensed their father moving closer. 

"What ...?" Patton was speechless as he noticed a figure wrapped in wrapping paper around the size of his child. "Emile? Is that really you?" He asked again and began removing the wrapping paper.

Once Emile's head and torso were uncovered, they grinned excitedly at Patton. "Dad! It was astounding! Th-"

"You have been practicing your Christmas wrapping!" Patton exclaimed, eyes twinkling. "Oh, Emile! I am so so proud of you!! That's the holiday spirit!!" 

"O-oh…" Emile train of thought halted as they took in their father. His black-framed glasses and the grey cardigan pulled tight over his postal uniform. The smile that was wide on his face, beaming with pride. Emile subconsciously rubbed at the grey material of their school uniform. 

Kind little Emile didn't know what to do. In their head, a conflict or two humbled around their brain. 'If The Grinch was so bad, then why did he save me?" They thought. "Maybe he wasn't as bad as they say." Maybe. Just maybe. 

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