#and shes better than me in every single way and i wouldnt care if i just didnt know her

[urostakako]

im about to complain so hard about irl people u best believe it

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @iamburdened - thanks so much!! ♡

Spencer Reid x she/her!reader

Stay-At-Home Spencer

- ever since your daughter was born, you and Spencer have taken it in turns to become a single parent while the other parent travels for work

- you offered to stay at home and care for her every time the team needed to travel somewhere because you felt that Spencer was far more useful to the team than you were, but he insisted on splitting it equally

“Considering I couldnt physically assist you in carrying our daughter for nine months and then birthing her, I will spend the rest of our lives doing everything I can for her, and for you.”

- to begin with, both of you stayed home because you were recovering and Spencer made it his job to take care of both of you

- if the team really needed Spencer, you pretty much forced him to go because without him people could literally die, but he never left for more than a night or two

- but as soon as you were well, you were desperate to get back to work after being on maternity leave, so you took the first trip away

- which meant for the first time, Spencer was alone with and solely responsible for his daughter

- needless to say, he was terrified

- although he had paid attention to everything you did as a mother, it seemed that when he tried the same things, they didnt work because he wasnt you

- he also found it fascinating that although your daughter was only a few months old and was perfectly fine whenever you left the room, your daughter had somehow figured out that you were completely out of the house, and she was distraught

- for a solid hour, she cried

- Spencer tried everything, he tried feeding her, burping her, changing her even though she didnt need it

- eventually, he found the greatest solution: pulling funny faces at her

- he realised this completely by accident, he happened to pull a particularly contorted stressed face when she burst into tears despite another attempt at cheering her up, and suddenly she was in fits of giggles

- so he pulled the face again, and she was giggling more

- he lifted her to sit on his raised knees on the floor, bringing her closer to his face to try out some more strange expressions, all of them had her laughing in the most wonderful way

- in that position, she realised that she could reach out and grab some of her father’s hair, which she did

- Spencer was surprised at how gentle she was with him, considering babies often grab things with a lot of determination

- for the rest of the day, he tirelessly pulled different facial expressions until it was almost her bedtime, and by then Spencer’s face was aching

- he had a cloth on his shoulder to catch her drool as he held her in her new favourite place: where she could reach his hair

- you had been texting Spencer at every chance you got to make sure things were going well, but you knew better than to call, just in case your daughter was napping

- unfortunately, one person who didnt think of this was Derek Morgan

- you had been in the bathroom when Derek suggested the team needed Spencer’s help, and by the time you were done peeing the phone was already ringing

- your husband picked up the phone on the second ring so that it disturbed her as little as possible

“Hello?”

“Hey pretty boy, we need your help.”

- Spencer could tell he was on speaker to the entire team, and he hoped with every fibre of his being that there wouldnt be anymore tears from his daughter

- he then heard your voice in the background whisper-yelling

“DEREK MORGAN YOU DID NOT CALL SPENCER! IT’S ALMOST BEDTIME!”

“Spencer has a bedtime?” Derek chuckled.

“Not him-“

- and as if on cue, the little baby in Spencer’s arms squealed with delight, as if she somehow knew people were talking about her

“Oh SHIT! Im so sorry kid!”

“Dont worry, she’s calmed down and ready for sleep after her bottle. What do you need?”

- and so, as Spencer bustled around the kitchen, using his shoulder to hold the phone to his ear while he held his little girl with one arm and prepared a warm bottle of milk with the other, Spencer discussed and essentially solved the case for his team

- “Oh, by the way, pretty girl says she loves you.”

- ah yes, Spencer was pretty boy and you were pretty girl to Derek, always

“Tell her I love her too!”

“Pretty boy says he loves you too.” Derek repeats to you, and Spencer knew you were smiling without even having to see you

“Good luck with the kid, kid.” Derek said sweetly.

“Thank you, good luck with the rest of the case. Look after my wife!”

“We will!” JJ called out.

- with that, Spencer ended the call and began to give your daughter her nightly bottle

- he sat on the couch, holding her gently and admiring her features

- her tiny hands with the gentlest grabby fingers, her perfectly round cheeks, the feathery hair sprouting at the top of her head, and her eyes, your eyes

- once she’d finished her bottle, Spencer walked to her crib and rocked her a little in his arms, humming softly to her until she was fast asleep, and then placing her in her crib

- he tucked her blanket around her and moved a stuffed animal beside her, which she immediately grabbed ahold of in her sleep

- bending down to place a kiss on his daughter’s head, Spencer whispered goodnight to her before leaving the room

- he collapsed on the couch, exhausted beyond what he ever thought possible

- his phone vibrated on the table and he smiled tiredly

You: hey love, everything alright? x

Him: today has been wonderful, but we both missed you a lot! little fairy is sleeping now, and I think I’ve been inspired to do the same x

You: ahhh! you’ve done such a good job, congratulations!! you’re a stay-at-home dad now hahaha. and you finished our case today! you definitely deserve the rest. I’ll be home tomorrow! sweet dreams my angel x

Him: hank you sweetheart. I cant wait to hold you again. I’ll dream of you x

- Spencer didnt even have the energy to move himself from the couch to the bed, he simply shifted slightly so that he was comfortable, and passed out

- a smile lingered on his face as he thought about what you’d said

- a stay-at-home dad, you’d called him. he liked that title

[ghulehthezombiequeen]

little sunshine. - rats!

cardinal copia x sister of sin!reader part 4.

masterlist. / little sunshine masterlist.

tag list: @gothicwonderlust, @siouxbauhaus, @millerthats (IDK WHY IT WOULDNT TAG ON PC IM SORRY), @jaymechaos

a/n: part four!!!! and there's rats!!! also please keep in mind that while I'm okay with writing slight suggestion, I am not comfortable writing smut. sorry!

warnings/things to note: female reader, semi-autistic Copia, more suggestive towards the end so please be 15+!

enjoy <3

word count: 2,774

"Ew, you said you were spending the night with who?!" your roommate Sister Leah asked with a grimace as you paced around your side of the room and started packing a duffel bag.

"Cardinal Copia. I told you, like, a thousand times already." You rolled your eyes.

"Girl. Don't think about going out with him. You're way out of his league. You deserve better than a stinky rat man!" Leah tried to talk you out of it, but you persisted. "Oh, come on. He's not that bad, actually! I'm just going over to review a couple of things and see if the rat rumor is true or not!"

Leah rolled her eyes. "Alright, whatever. Just be careful, yeah? Come straight back the second he touches you weirdly." she shriveled at the thought of her getting touched by him. You lightly smacked her knee.

"Don't be like that. Alright, I'm off! I'll see you tomorrow!" "Okay, be safe! Love you, bitch!" Leah called as you closed the door.

You hummed as you walked down the now-empty halls, greeting a few ghouls passing by on patrol. At exactly 8 o'clock, you knocked on his door.

You waited a few seconds, wondering if he was even inside before you heard him cursing in Italian as he shuffled about in there.

"Helloooo? Cardi? Did you lose a battle with the rats?" you called, teasing him. You heard him stutter and sigh before opening the door. "Ah! So- er.. Sister.. uh.. hi."

"Hi.~" you replied in a sweet tone, watching his face turn red. A few seconds pass with him just staring at you before you spoke up. "Are.. you going to let me in..?"

"Huh? Oh! O-Of course, come in, come in.." he opened the door wider for you to enter. One of the cages was open and a mischief of rats were squeaking and crawling around the floor. "Agh. Stupid thing- d-don't mind the mess, they were... um.. playing."

"Playing?" you chuckled, exploring his room for a bit before setting your bag down on the one side of his bed that wasn't cluttered. You noticed his desk was littered with papers from... the vet? Were these all for his rats?

"So, wait.. how many rats do you have?"

"Erm... I.. I don't even know. They, uh... they like to reproduce... a lot." he chuckled nervously, hiding his face in embarrassment afterward. "Eh... y-you can leave if you want, this is- this is really embarrassing, I know.."

You felt bad that he was now self-conscious about his pet rats. So you tried to cheer him up with a laugh. "No, no, it's okay! It's just their natural instinct, don't be embarrassed!"

You walked over to him and pulled his hands away from his face, chuckling softly as he started mumbling. "Oh no, you... you don't understand, Sister.." His face turned redder as your hands pried his away from his face, staring into your beautifully colored eyes.

"My rats... they're- they're my babies. I-I love every single one of them, e-especially the newborns. They are almost like my own children!" Copia was always afraid to bring up his rats, but you seemed to be okay with it. That brought at least some comfort and relief to him.

Oh, this guy was odd.

But you didn't care. In fact, you loved his quirkiness. "You know, I always wanted a pet rat. I think they're adorable. But I was always busy with life and stuff here at the ministry, so I could never take care of any sort of pet."

His eyes widened. "O-Oh, y-you do?"

You nodded. "Can I meet a few of them?"

Copia's face brightened, and you could tell how much he was relieved to hear that you were not only fine with the rats, but actually loved them yourself. "Of course you can! They're… um… all over the room," Copia looked down in embarrassment, there were some of the little rat babies running around. "I'm so sorry, this is so embarrassing…" Copia kept his head down as you chuckled at him.

You watched with a small smile as he started scurrying around his room and trying to collect as many rats as he could. "Oof.. B-Biscotti, amore mio, please come here.." he said towards a light tan colored rat, who scampered away from him which made him give up with a sigh.

Once a majority of the rats were on his shoulders and arms he came up towards you. "Here… I got them all, I think."

You noticed how cute the rat babies were on Copia's shoulders, they were looking at you curiously, their tiny sharp teeth showing. "Do you want to hold one?" Copia smiled, offering you a small white rat. "I'm sorry if they're… a little dirty."

"Aww!" you crooned in a higher-pitch voice, scooping the furry rodent into your hands and stroking its head. In return, the rat sniffed your thumb before nibbling on it gently to show its affection. "Hello, friend! She's so cute!! What's her name?"

Copia laughed and smiled. "I'm happy you aren't scared! H-Her name is Poof, she's only three weeks old. I-I call her Poof because one minute she's on my bed, a-and the next she's poof, gone." Copia chuckled. He was relieved you loved the rat as much as you seemed to.

"Poof? Well, that's very original of you." You chuckled playfully. Copia nodded sheepishly. "I- I've never been good at naming them. B-But anyway, Poof is a very playful and loving one. S-She'll try to climb up your shirt and lay near your neck."

As he spoke those words, Poof started to crawl under your habit sleeve and up your arm, her head now nuzzling against your neck. You giggled as you gently pulled her out of your clothing and perched her onto your shoulder. "She's a darling."

Copia chuckled a bit as well. "Oh, Poof.. you are something else, no?" he said to the rat as he picked her up and placed her in her cage, along with the rest of her rat siblings.

"Do you let them out often?" you wondered aloud, sitting on the edge of his bed and smoothing the winkles away from the blanket with your hand.

Copia nodded in response, "I usually let them out after I pick up their litter. It gives them time to run and have fun." He finished putting all the last of the rats back in their cage and then put his hand on the cage to close it. "Ah." you nodded.

He looked up at you. "I'm surprised you aren't disgusted by them; I've never met anyone else who isn't scared of them." Copia was still surprised because you handled Poof quite well, it wasn't often Copia met someone that was as comfortable with them as him.

You shrugged in response. "What's there to be scared about? I mean sure, wild ones might carry every disease known to mankind, but if they're pets, I'm okay with them." "Anyway..." You started to lie down on the bed, propping yourself up with your elbows. You were about to say something when a bright pink poster on the ceiling caught your eye. Was it...?

"You like Hello Kitty, huh?" you asked smugly.

Copia felt his heart drop. Shit. He forgot to take it off earlier! "Uhm... I.. w-well.. y-yes. I love Hello Kitty," he said as if he was embarrassed of his love for the Sanrio character. "I- I know it sounds kind of childish to like Hello Kitty... but I just think she's cute, okay?!"

You laughed softly. "I will admit it is sort of weird that a grown man likes Hello Kitty," you sat back upright. "But that means I learned about something you like! Soooo..." a smirk grew across your face. "Now I can get you something Hello Kitty as a thank you gift for the flower you gave me! Then we'd be even!"

"Oh no… please don't get me a Hello Kitty gift… i-it would really embarrass me…" Copia still looked embarrassed as he looked around his room. "It's just a thing I've always enjoyed... it's not like I'm obsessed with Hello Kitty or anything." Copia was making a lot of excuses, and they were quite obvious. "It was just a little bit of my childhood, but I'm not crazy for it or anything like that."

Your eyebrow raised, clearly unconvinced. "Mhm."

"I- I mean, w-why don't more guys like Hello Kitty, eh? She's s-so fun and cute, and her f-friends are, too!"

"Uh-huh."

He gulped. "Oh... Sorella- please, I promise I'm not a creep who likes Hello Kitty, I... it was a gift, see! Y-Yeah, a gift. From, eh..."

He continued to ramble about how he didn't like Hello Kitty, and you noticed more of the familiar chibi feline posted throughout his room. "Okay, Copia. Copia, stop!" You giggled as he now somehow got the topic to cats and how they would try to feed on his rat babies.

Copia froze and stared at you, his face flushed. "I'm not a creep... I promise..." he mumbled timidly.

"I never said you were." You smiled. "Okay, I promise I won't get you any Hello Kitty merch. For now." you added the 'for now' to tease, nudging him with your elbow.

Copia sighed in relief and nodded, then froze again at the 'for now.' This made Copia's mind spin, whirling desperately for a response. "...I'm not crazy for Hello Kitty... l-like I said, it's just a childhood thing I've kept around. I'm not... like... crazy for her or anything."

He kept mumbling about how Hello Kitty wasn't really that important, and you huffed with an eyeroll. There was only one way to shut him up.

In one swift movement, you tugged on his cape and pulled him in towards you, pressing a gentle but firm kiss on his lips.

Oh boy.

Copia's face got redder than a rose at the kiss and when he was pulled towards you, he was too surprised to even say something or do anything. He was as still as a statue, but eventually he kissed back, and that was your cue to pull away. "Now I know the secret to shutting you up!~" you teased in a sing-song voice, pecking the tip of his nose and releasing him.

"What.... what... uhm..." he stuttered, his brain malfunctioning.

You giggled at his reaction before noticing the time. 8:27pm.

"Hey, I think I'm gonna change into my pajamas so I don't have to do it later. Is that okay?" you asked, knowing the chances were high that he really didn't plan anything for this spontaneous sleepover. Maybe that was partially your fault, but what the hell. It was cute to see him fretting over the little things.

"E-Eh? Oh, yeah, uh.. please, go ahead and- and make yourself comfortable. Er.. the bathroom is right there." he pointed to the door nearby.

"Okay, thanks!" You said sweetly as you dug through your duffel bag, pulling out your pajamas and hairbrush.

"I-If you want to shower as well, I.. I could get you another towel, o-or if you want to shower in the morning, then that's fine, er-"

"Don't worry, I already showered before I came over. Thank you though, sweetie!" you teased as you walked into the bathroom, hearing him mumble in a flustered tone.

"Oh, a-alright. Just go get changed, I guess..." Copia's voice trembled and he felt like he was going to say something romantic. "I'll miss you... for those 4 minutes." Copia called towards the now-closed door, trying to be flirtatious.

Oh, how you loved that silly little rat man.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

A sigh of relief left you as you changed out of your habit, putting on a more comfortable set of clothing. However, it did look a bit... revealing, which you hadn't noticed until they were actually on your body. You were wearing a low-cut black crop top with a cartoon cow on the front, and matching cow-print shorts that barely covered your upper thigh. It was cute on you, but you wondered how Copia would react to such revealing clothing on you as he'd only seen you in your habit.

You smirked as you checked yourself out in the mirror, gaining more and more confidence as you imagined his embarrassed face when you walked out. You took a few selfies first (maybe you'd post them later on your story), then walked out and saw that Copia had changed into his own pajamas, a deep blue button-up silk pajama top and plaid pajama pants.

He was sitting in bed with a TV remote in one hand, too engrossed in deciding what movie he thought you'd like to watch. The poor guy almost jumped out of his skin when your sweet voice entered his ear, "Ooh, what are we going to watch?"

"Ah!- S-Sister, uhm- w-wow, uh.. I- I mean!" Copia did a double-take as he stared at your figure, a deep blush on his face yet again. He wanted to compliment you, but every sentence that entered his mind felt like it would make him sound like a creep.

"Er... H-Here, come sit next to me," he finally spoke, patting the spot next to him on the bed. You laughed lightly, crawling under the covers and sitting next to him. "What, eh.. what do you want to watch? Y-You can pick..."

"But what if I want to watch whatever you want to watch?" you teased, grabbing the pillow behind his back and holding it in your arms.

However, Copia wasn't anticipating that, and he accidentally hit the back of his head on the headboard. "Ah, shit!"

You instantly felt terrible. "Oh, no! Are you alright?! I'm so sorry, that sounded like it hurt!" You sat up straighter, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Ehh, I-I'm fine, Sorella- Non è niente, is nothing!" he tried to reassure you, rubbing the back of his head.

"No, you don't look fine. Here, let me see." You grabbed his face gently and pushed it into your chest, staring down at the back of his head and running your fingers through his hair to try and see if there was a lump forming.

Oh... that was definitely on purpose, wasn't it?

Copia's face felt like it was on fire as it was smothered into your cleavage, his heart jackhammering against his ribcage. He didn't think he could take much more as he practically died of embarrassment right then and there. This was definitely not on his radar for your guys' date night.

A sly grin spread across your face as your fingers ran through the soft strands of his hair, pretending to search for a wound. "Hmm.... you look fine. Oh well."

You lifted his face upwards to meet your gaze, his face redder than Hello Kitty's bow. "S- uh.. I... er..." he stammered, making a fool out of himself. He knew you were bold, but he didn't expect you to be that bold!

You decided to take pity on the poor guy. "Hey, you okay? Maybe we should get back to picking out a movie." you offered, pressing a small kiss to his forehead.

"Oh, uh, yeah... I'm fine... just fine." Copia looked like he was going to die from the amount of blushing he was doing, his mind was racing with thoughts of the situation he was in right now; it all felt like a dream to him. "Y-Yeah, let's get to the movie, pick whatever you want, I don't mind."

You both scrolled through the movies that were available for a while before making him stop on American Psycho. "Wait, how about this one? Have you seen it before?" you asked.

"Eh.. n-no.. I haven't. I love horror movies, yes, b-but I haven't found interest in this one. I-It looks sort of cheesy." he mumbled.

"Ooh! Oh my gosh, this one is really good. I promise you'll like this one. It's about a serial killer!"

"Oh, I see. O-Okay, well... do you want to watch it?" he asked, to which you nodded. He pressed the play button and you two sat in silence, watching the movie.

"Eh... are you hungry? I- I have some popcorn if you want some, or do you want a different snack?"

"Mm, I'm okay. I've got my own snack right here." You smirked, draping your arm around his shoulders, slowly started to snuggle into him.

He muttered something under his breath in Italian, his face scarlet. You chuckled and nudged him in a teasing manner before he started leaning into your warmth and watching the movie with you.

~~~

previous chapter. | next chapter.

[divinemanicstate]

hold on a minute, if tom is still alive and existin, how did jake get in? in canon, he was to replace tom's position, but here that's not the case? was he convinced to join or did miles demanded for him to be brought?

so we're mostly stickin with the first movie in this au, got it, and the twins' confrontation oooo 👀 man they would be very conflicted bc theyre brothers n they stick together (using "sullys stick together" cause aint no way jake didnt said this with tom in canon) no matter what – that is the problem with their whole predicament <:[

i wholeheartedly agree with neytiri/tom not being a thing, i felt they are more like close friends than lovers unlike jake/neytiri, so it made total sense imo (me thinks neytiri and tsu'tey are still never mated in this au???)

your au had piqued me, so i hope you dont mind with me asking every now and then cause it sounds interesting 👀

no problem! im glad that people care about my silly little au thheheheh

the rda are fully aware of jakes existence so they make him a part of project phoenix (hes the only recruit that has an avatar) but not because the recoms need extra muscle, just bcs jake knows tom better than anyone (miles isnt interested in meeting tom bcs we all know he doesnt like "limp dick science majors")

miles IS a bit susp of him when they first meet because of the whole tom fiasco but jake grows on him almost instantly

so basically like i mentioned in the tags, jake and tom dont exactly see eye to eye because they were never close in canon, so i assume jake wouldnt exactly be that upset over finding out that his brother betrayed humanity

tom would be the one whod be a bit more upset when he realizes that he might have to fight his own twin

neytiri is single and independent in this au, she dont need no man

[trixstriforce]

hello :) i saw your posts about lu and idk if you were gauging interest in people hearing your opinions. personally i would be super interested in reading what specifically about every lu character is ooc! i am similarly frustrated with the current dominance of lu characterizations in fandom as a ww fan. ive been following for a while i just logged into this side account because i am scared to ask on main :( i hope you do not mind the somewhat bare blog. thank you!

oh my god oh my god oh my god someone wants my opinion??? do u wanna make out???? u do not understand the power u r giving me rn u do not understand how annoying and nitpicky and very passionate i can get specifically about lu bc i care so much about link its unreal and also bc i just like things like linkedmaze, dimensional links, and minaslinkverse better characterization wise bc to me they have shown the "found family links meeting up" thing a lotttt better than lu when i still read it

but to be fair i STOPPED reading around the part where four split due to the way the lu community reacting to the person with DID, a very stigmatized disorder who genuinely just wanted Jojo to acknowledge they messed up in the past and present and didnt like the vauge ass apology she gave making me actually disgusted. ppl talk about accountability then rallied against 1 tumblr user who was uncomfortable bc ppl liked Jojo's comic so she doesnt have to explain that now she respects nonbinary ppl and understands how past things were wrong for her to say we just infer this bc lu good :/ like hey maybe Jojo owned up to it afterwards or something bc she made 2 apologies that would make a YouTuber blush so i was done w/ the community and it was only rlly after that and after i played a few of the actual games + read some mangas i realized wow actually i do not like lu as much as i thoguht i did they butchered my boy, also i feel i should say it literally wouldnt matter to me do what u want in ur au but lu is now a fandom of its own and its influenced a lot of other aus and interpretations of link so i do take issue w/ how ooc these guys end up being

OK HERE R THE MOST BASIC ISSUES W/OUT GETTING INTO EACH LINK RN:

for one i dont know for me having link as a secret hoarder who would rather DIE than use the full scope of his abilities around OTHER HEROS is just no bc thats fucking stupid levels of wanting to appear normal around OTHER HEROS possiblly the ONLY other ppl to ever understand what u r going through

for me having every single link act like a frat boy/standard teenage white boy who is emotionally constipated is a no??? have u SEEN link he is so sociable and kind and understanding to other ppl WHY r the links like this, so many fics just...make them stew in their issues for angst and not trust the others and be incredibly insecure about the other heros(which is lu canon for at least hyrule and wind i think?) and like ok that is definitely fine for 1 link but why r they all like this in the games link is clearly not like that he wouldn't be this closed off and wouldn't hesitate so much like my dude he just inserts himself into other ppl's lives to make them better than leaves he wouldn't pussyfoot around other heros like what

also another major issue is the mergings just lead to certain characterizations or important backstory for certain links(FOUR. LEGEND.) being completely erased and the nuance of their journeys lost like when u merge links who r canonically 100s of years apart not just in the timeline but in the GAMES? yeah u lose things that make that link special

also bc u mentioned wind waker i found it kinda fucked up that wind waker link was delegated to The Kid TM even tho his entire journey was about moving on from the past to a brighter future and he took on the mantle left behind by the hero of time on his own volition and did what Time COULDN'T do which is kill Ganon but he is constantly underestimated and made into the Kid Who Wants Approval trope specifically around Time which sucks ass ngl he deserves to be an equal him still being a kid while the others got to grow up, including Four who's first journey arguably would have been a better fit for this archtype of wide eyed kid, is just side lining one of the most interesting links especially considering most of the other links were YOUNGER than him when they started

this is all general stuff plus 1 of my issues w/ Wind bc ur a Wind Waker fan bc as a Spirit Track fan i feel a kinship, im gonna make another post for specifically each link breaking down my issues w/ how they r portrayed later bc rn it is 8am and i ment to just say haha ty for the permission but then my inner ranter came out i am INCAPABLE of being normal about lu especially after i actually experienced zelda games bc lu was my FIRST introduction to zelda outside of smash bros lol

toast if u r reading this say rip to ur dms bc i am once more gonna talk to u about a comic for a videogame franchise u only know about due to my rambles and forcing u at gunpoint to learn about link...godspeed comrade

[instaquarius]

For Full Res

((Thanks to my boyfriend btw TheOnePhun211 for helping with the lineart for the stupid tubes lol))

Copy-Pasted from my discord server cuz it's late and I don't feel like retyping everything again:

smoltina's incubator tank (which ima just headcanon now was kept seperate from the other clones during the movie and chara somehow found it)

like- this one was built stronger and stuff, since even if it was a clone of giratina he's still a God so- like- :'D

They're kept in stasis inside the incubator i'm kinda thinking they were just in stasis inside the incubator since mewtwo probably needed something to hold them in.

that and because of how slowly the creation trio "grows" up thats how he stayed as basically a baby by the time chara finds him possibly years later after mewtwo had already made the clone of giratina if that makes sense-

he was still getting nutrients and whatever to grow the clone incubator

but either way like he was sorta kept in stasis at the same time, since he was also a clone of a literal God. I guesss mewtwo wanted to make sure like it wouldnt fail or anything goes wrong

thats also why he put smoltina's tank away from the other clone tanks so even if the other clones got let out or something went wrong with that (like ash fucking breaking shit to save his pokemon/pikachu) it wouldnt affect smoltina's tank and- ye. smoltinas also wouldnt affect the other clones either if THAT went wrong either- if that makes sense

also lowkey thinking of changing exactly WHEN chara starts hanging out with Ash and them and in fact, its after the 1st movie is when she really starts to travel with them tbh maybe she saw ash sacrifice himself between mew and mewtwos attacks and- dialga or something pulled some strings so chara would keep those memories anyways even when mewtwo erases the memories cuz he saw Ash's future and how he's KINDA needed to be kept alive for literally every single movie/major event cuz he has this uncanny ability to calm legendaries and ya know- keep the world from getting destroyed when the other Gods decide to be dumb or whatever lol plus he didnt want like, chara to keep travelling alone and since Ash is a bew then- ye.

plus maybe too when chara saves smoltina from the tank/finds him, because of the stasis as well smoltina was actually pulled out of the incubator too soon, and like ash and co help chara bring the tiny bew to professor Oak to look at him, and make sure he's doing fine and that also sorta helps chara to trust ash and the other bews and wanna travel with them, cuz she sees how worried they also were of smoltina when he wasnt waking up- due to being pulled from incubation too soon on accident

originally it was gonna be during some random episode in the indigo league anime but i feel like the 1st movie could work better cuz thats when Ash's bewiness REALLy shines?? with the fact he was willing to die to save the clones/real ones from killing each other and to stop the mews from fighting and stuff-

*if that makes sense

((And before anyone asks, yes after the events of the first movie Chara teeeeeechnically gets 7 pokemon on her team. Since the Creation Trio is too busy maintaining the universe and Time/Space and all that they cannot take care of and Arceus is still asleep/healing from his injuries caused by Marcues hynotising Damos to betray Arceus in the Arceus movie and stuff to raise Smoltina, so Chara ends up doing that since he's a preemie/infant. Plus too anyways, there's times the anime seems not not give a shit?? like how some episodes have pokemon use more than 4 moves and stuff sooo thats why.  Also Smoltina is shiny, just to make it easier to tell which is the clone, and which is the real one. and- ye.))

---------------------------------

For PokeTale: Ascendance

An AU based off of an RP between me and a friend of mine from my discord server discord.gg/pQf9ZsdF6E where the Creation Trio as babies (a time they all cant really fully control their powers and junk) accidentally create a portal into the Undertale Universe and meet Chara and basically Arceus finds Chara and adopts her after finding out about her shitty human parents and Chara ends up helping Arceus raise the babies and basically lives in the Pokemon Universe now

[selfundiagnosed]

why is it mean for someone to tell you you should get help? you're obviously in a lot of distress and should see someone about it for your own mental health...these 'patterns' you're leaning into are only exarcerbating your mental condition. but if you want to embrace your psychosis and go completely off the rails i guess that's your prerogative

to insinuate that a.) i dont know about my own mental state & wellbeing and you need to “tell me” because the psychosis makes it so i cant notice how it affects how i function every single day of my life b.) i need to delete my socials because of what someone else did to me to put me in this state c.) you somehow have any idea whats going on in my life, if im being treated, what symptoms im experiencing, that I legitimately cant tell ~whats real~ d.) noticing patterns doesnt mean im going off the deep rail LMFAO is all the stupidest shit ever.

for future reference, how you and the other anon are approaching someone you perceive as experiencing active psychosis is going to put people in active psychosis in danger to themselves. its funny to see random anons tell me what im experiencing and what i need to do about it to fix it when its evident from how this was approached you don’t actually care about me you just want to make yourselves feel like youre above me for whatever reason. “but if you want to embrace your psychosis and go completely off the rails i guess that's your prerogative” and “Deactivate your TikTok, delete the app and go see a psychologist” are sooo condescending. yeah deleting an app is absolutely gonna fix this problem. a diagnosis ive had since i was 15. stupid shits idek what to say like are you both actual tiktok teenagers who think they know everything about everything because get off my blog you suck so bad lmaooo sooo condescending. Im completely capable of making my own decisions im 22 lol i dont need tumblr anons i cant see telling me to do shit im doing already. i have a psychiatrist. ive been seeing him for years. i have a therapist. i saw her after my psychosis got retriggered. i know i am sick! i literally cant leave my house! when i do… i freak the fuck out! for HOURS !!! my family and friends all know how deeply this affects me and i promise you none of them have said this shit to me the way you and the “other anon” did. i stopped socializing, i havent made any new friends, i cant trust the people i do know im not close to anymore. i promise you i know WAYYY more than you about how it impacts me way more than you. my socials are the one open window i didnt put curtains on. i completely control what you all are able to see theough leaving this tiny window unclothed for the internet to look into my life. i dont need random people to see my jokes on my blog about my delusions and tell me its a delusion like im being very tongue in cheek about all of my delusional posts. i absolutely believe them but im making fun of myself for how crazy i sound.

i really have not a clue why youd think this is an appropriate way to approach it but it leads me to believe youre a tiktok user who probably thought the dude that manipulated his way into a famous persons house while she was manic was a Good Idea because clearly she wouldnt get help. lmfao its bad in so many facets. imagine if i was fully and completely immersed in my paranoia and delusions of being a targeted individual (which is the root of everything im experiencing right now): ask yourself how would you feel YOU felt targeted by a higher entity and now random anonymous people are telling you what you’re experiencing and how youre treated everyday isnt real and youre crazy. like to us its so very real and no amount of rationalizing makes it better. i have only small interactions every once in a blue moon these days that makes me think i could be okay and that im not being targeted and then every single day multiple times a day its shown to me continuously. this included! you and the “other anon” should really reevaluate how you talk to people in severe mental crisis because this is like the exact opposite of how you should react to seeing someone delusion posting or whatever and it shows me you dont know a single loved one with who experiences this shit.

in the future, fucking look into how you approach someone struggling. if i wasnt as lucid in my psychosis or in touch with reality you genuinely could have put me in danger. im going to send you and anyone on my blog watching me like im a circus act off with this so you never put anyone in my position in a state of self harm. but if youre too lazy to click on the link im showing you anyways

[papirouge]

Catholic trad men shut the fuck up challenge for 2023. Ugh

On ig I found a nice pro life account that brought great points about how abortion actually supports the patriarchy and harms women. Women deserve better and more than abortion. Babies deserve a chance. They both need our help. Yet 1 guy was angry that she, the girl running the account, was acting like a feminist and makings abortion a womens issue. Is he stupid? It IS OUR ISSUE but he wouldnt listen. He was offended that a woman was talking about patriarchy. It was something he believed in. But how I see it, we are different yes but men and women should stand equal with mutual respect as we both are under Gods commandments, right? But that’s not what he thinks at all. And another was similar: kept saying how women are inferior to men in every way so we shouldn’t be so political and feminist when fighting abortion. That if women just stayed home we wouldn’t have these issues. I left islam when I was younger and now I’m just going to be non denominational Christian. These supposed catholic men don’t care about our fight at all when it’s brought up as a womens issue. And I’m just sick of discovering catholic guys are just scummy and awful. I’ve met a few nice catholic girls but they end up copying what these guys say and it reminded me of how muslim girls deep in the faith would act. When a woman in the comments pointed out that the last guy shouldn’t be so condescending and sexist because women are also made in the image of God and that we are god’s daughters, he just brushed that off as men are but women came from men so women should forever be beneath him. And I wish I responded because only Eve was created from adams rib but also with Gods image to fit him?? She was made the same way as he was by God?! Why are all these men desperate for control of the narratives?? Especially whenever women talk about abortion and how awful it is. I can’t tell these trad men apart from pro abort abusive men anymore. They both have the same attitude. I feel for those girls out there who are pro life feminists. The hate from men on both sides is tremendous.

What was this scrote doing in a female led abortion group anyway? Sorry but that stuff is fishy. Men will complain about feminism and how whenever we speak up about issues specifically affecting women but will hardly do anything to address those problem themselves. Instead they'll infiltrate spaces made by women and then lecture them for having the audacity to talk about it bc it's "feminism" WELL IF MEN ADDRESSED THIS ISSUE TO BEGIN WITH MAYBE WOMEN WOULDN'T HAVE TO MAKE SPACES FOR THEM TO TALK ABOUT IT, JOSHUWAH. Crazy how in their mind "topic of discussion championned by women = feminism" and never "topic of discussion championned by women = no man ever bothered to look into to even out this dynamic"🤔 always deflecting from their own responsibility to whine about women..... PATHETIC AND WEAK.

And that whole"women are beneath men" narrative is stupid. In 1 Peter 3:7, Peter use the greek word skeuos which translates as body, vessel or even an ustensile - which is misleadingly translatd as "sex". But the fact that Peter uses an analogy with literal OBJECTS (esp some known to be fragile) shows that he was addressing the PHYSICALITY of the nature of women - not spiritually or emotionally. God made women as a companion for men, why would He made us intellectually or emotionally inferior? Why would he made us to be a burden for men? 🤔 Not a single verse ever states that women are essentially lesser than men, and while expected to be submissive to their husband, the husband has to be in turn willing to DIE for their wife as did for his bride (the Church). Interestingly, these scrotes have a harder time to remember this biblical truth when it comes to boast about legit Christian husband/wife relationship 🤔

[bidamonalbarn]

incoming taylor swift (ft. louis tomlinson) rant

ok so this is a bit weird but i've been thinking about it a lot - the fundamental difference between taylor and louis is their upbringing. i do not mean their family (obviously the difference between that defo impacted their behaviour) but rather their wealth, their class.

taylor loves her fans, she has this connection to them that artist of her level do not obtain. she has secret sessions, interacts with fan accounts online, she does meet and greets, and the 22 hat giveaway each show. she loves her fans. and i do not doubt that. but it becomes difficult to understand it when everything is so expensive and ultimately not worth it.

i never even tried to get eras tour tickets because i knew there was no way in hell i'd be able to afford even one ticket. i knew my parents wouldnt be able to afford it. ever since the announcement i understood that this was something i'd never get to experience. i'm not saying the eras tour doesn't deserve these prices - it's an amazing 3 hour live show, but as an artist who prides herself on her connection with fans it seems a little... disconnected?

and then i cannot even afford to get a cd with all the songs from an album because she has 5 versions of an album. and not a single version that has every song. it makes sense, it improves sales, and collectors get a bigger collection. but once again, not something you'd do when you think you have such a impactful connection with your fans??

with louis, yes i still had to save to afford tickets im still poor after all, but it was something that i could save up for - it was affordable. and it logistically shouldn't be. it's cheaper than noah kahan's tour, fuck man it's cheaper than when evanescence came to brisbane. louis gives fans cupcakes (!) and water bottles, he does free meet and greets after shows, he interacts with fans on social media (sometimes very sneakily apparently). but most importantly, its affordable. his merch isn't cheap but it's worth it (i cannot say the same for most of taylor's collections), he doesn't force you to buy multiple cds of the same album to hear 4 different tracks that aren't on streaming (and seemingly will never be?? taylor put you're losing me on spotify). he cares about his fans in a way that i think taylor cannot because she grew up within a higher class.

and i understand that taylor is constantly criticised - too much is still not enough - but as a life long (and poor) fan this is something that has kinda annoyed me for a while now. yes she is better than most big musicians, especially when it comes to fan interaction, but it's upsetting that i will never ever get to see her live, that i will never ever get official merch, when i can do these things with other artists i adore less than her. idk stupid rant but its over now

[journalsandshit]

10/27/2023 - letter (retrospective from 03/31/2023)

dear jack,

i know you dont think about this or even remember it really, and i know that you never even considered how awful this was, or how unreasonable, but i feel like it is important for you to know that i still think about this every single day, and it still hurts and scares me every god damned time, even if youll never actually read this.

on march 29th of this year you asked - no, you told - me to give you all of my clothes back. it was a casual moment that didnt mean anything at all to you, but it quite literally changed my life for the worse. we were in my car, i was driving, and i was bringing you home. we were coming up on the intersection by the gas station and walgreens near your house, and, seemingly out of nowhere, you told me that you wanted your clothes back. its not like i couldve said no, so i said yes of course you could, and then i asked you why. i think about your answer at least two or three times a week.

you said that you wanted them back because "were not dating and its weird that [i] wear your clothes all of the time." those were your words, your exact words. i couldnt tell you at the time but that shattered me. everyone thought we were dating, we knew that, we didnt care, we even joked about it, i though we were comfortable enough in our relationship to not care about what other people thought. i guess i was wrong.

i fought tears the rest of the drive to your house. when you got out of the car and left i pulled out of the driveway and parked around the corner. i sat there stunned for probably close to ten minutes. then i drove home, crying the whole time.

when i got home i was the only one there. i went to my room and gathered up most of what was yours (i forgot the graceland jacket because it was hanging up in my closet.) and folded it into a pile. i checked to make sure my mom and tiernan werent pulling in yet and then brought them all out to my trunk. for some reason, i felt like them knowing what was going on would have made it so much worse. i know if my mom had found out she would have asked what was going on between us, if we had fought or something like that, and i know that i wouldnt have been able to stop myself from crying when i told her that i didnt know what happened and that you had just decided you waned everything back out of nowhere. so i didnt tell them. i was heartbroken, but i kept quiet about it all night.

i cried harder than i had in a long time that night, for hours and hours. i didnt sleep, i just laid there trying to figure out how the hell i was going to ask you what was going on.

i knew i had to ask because i couldnt keep living thinking i had done something wrong, but i was so afraid that you would give me an answer that only made it worse. i rehearsed my lines over and over again until i felt like i had a shot at saying them in a way that wouldnt give up how terrifying it was to ask. i settled on "hey, theyre your clothes so obviously you can have them back if you want them, but i was kinda wondering why all the sudden its an issue?" looking back, i think i should have been stronger than that because i was pretty sure i knew what was going on, but i was heartbroken and afraid so i did what i would. then i tried to figure out what i was going to wear the next day. i wore your jacket every single day for no real reason other than it was the most confrontable and i was more depressed then than i had been in months (better than im doing now but still very, very bad), and the more depressed i am the less i change up my outfits and the more i wear "safe" clothes that i know wont get me too much attention. i couldnt figure out if i was allowed to wear that jacket still, because we had decided that we were gonna permanently trade those, your shakespeare zip up for my green one. i decided to wear it, and tell you to bring "my" jacket when you came out to the car in the morning.

the next day, i woke up to a text from you that read "Hey can you put my clothes into a bag or something and bring them to school? I'd appreciate it thanks fr being cool about it." i answered that they were already in the car. tying that out hurt me a lot more than it should have, but reading your message broke something. not only did you want the clothes back but you wanted them bad enough to remind me, who never, ever forgot to do things that you asked, to bring them.

i got ready anyway and drove to your house. i sent the "omw" and "were out front" texts as usual, but i added another one that said to bring me my jacket because i was afraid that you saw me wearing yours you would get mad and tell me to give it to you and that i wouldnt have one without it. you waled out of your house without it, though, so i deleted the message and hoped that you wouldnt notice.

you got in and immediately asked where the clothes were. i told you they were in the trunk. when we got to school and left the car, you came to the trunk with me to get my bag and pointed out that graceland was missing. i said i was sorry and that id bring it next time i saw you. saying that hurt too, because i used to be able to say tomorrow and be confident that it would happen, now, though, i sometimes wouldnt see you all weekend or after school for a whole week. when we started walking in, i asked you why the way i had been practicing since i said bye to you the night before. i think i sounded more nervous than i had wanted to.

you said that carolina was uncomfortable with it. i said that i had figured but i waned to make sure. im still mad that i let you off that easily. carolinas a bitch, always has been, always will be. i should have asked why you were listening to her. i should have asked why you cared what she thought. i should have asked why she got so fucking insecure all of the sudden. why she decided to take that out on us instead of figuring it out with you. why she couldnt pull her fucking shit together and act like a god damned adult and realize that she cant have complete control over your friendships all the god damned time try as she fucking might. there are so many things i should have said, but i was afraid and weak and relieved to know that it wasnt you, even if you werent doing anything to help me.

i let the topic drop and we continued on, but i shouldnt have had to be okay with that answer, because it wasnt okay, it was weak and pathetic and i was so mad at you for letting that happen. i couldnt believe all the shit you would get so mad about while you just allowed my whole world to come crashing down because of you and your stupid fucking girlfriend. and i couldnt believe that you never even noticed how it affected me.

like.. i know its not normal for friends to share things and act the way that we do. (well, actually, its very normal, but its not normal with friendships that are between-what looks like-a boy and a girl.) i know that. but it was our normal. we had always been okay with that. and that you let other people, ESPECIALLY someone as dumb and entitled as carolina, get involved with us really pisses me off. it hurts like hell that you let her get in the middle of this just because she was insecure because you like to go fuck other girls and pretend it doesnt bother her.

a few weeks went by and i had adjusted. i wasnt happy, and every time i thought about it it got worse, but i had gotten to a point where it wasnt impacting my day to day so much that i was crying over it all the time. i still wore your jacket every day, though, because it was comfortable and i needed that comfort with everything else that was going on.

and then, just like that, carolina comes right back to make you make my life hell.

it was at lunch, she made some comment about how i wear your jacket too much. i said i liked it and it was comfy, plus no one even knows that its yours anyway, so it didnt really matter. you, instead of helping me or just staying the fuck out of it like you should have, decided that you should butt in and say "well you dont have to wear it every day" then your little bitch got such a proud look on her ugly fucking face (she is ugly, i dont know how you dont see it) and cuddles into you so hard i almost threw up.

i went to sculpture and just about lost my god damned mind thinking about how i shouldve just knocked her tf out (verbally or otherwise). i was so sick of having to play nice with that asshole just because you liked to fuck her

and then? guess what? i never wore the jacket to school again. not one time. i cant believe it. i let that fucking drama queen win. im so mad at myself for it, too. i cant believe i let her think shed won something because i didnt want to make your life harder. because that what it always was, wasnt it? i never said anything because i didnt want to make you have to defend me, or pick sides, or, god forbid, tell her to get her fucking shit together and act like a god damned grown up. your life needed to be a hell of a lot harder so you would finally see how much of an ass she was, but i was too nice and patient with you two and your bullshit, so you just got to coast and i had to suffer.

i know if i said this to you in real life youd probably completely ignore all the shit you did wrong and just justify her feelings even though youre not together anymore because you couldnt bear to comprehend the fact that you spend two and a half years of your life dating a completely moronic bitch who never actually liked you and probably ruined any future relationships you have along the way, so im just writing this here ig so that i can pretend that youd care a little bit if i told you.

those few months, february to may, were some of the worst of my life up until that point (it got so much worse over the summer but i had no idea that was coming yet), and a lot of that was completely your fault. in the past, ive blamed your girlfriend and her friends that you were dumb enough to let her keep around, but the more i think about it the more im realizing that it was literally all your fault. you could have told all of them to shut the fuck up and leave me alone at any time, but you didnt care enough to even see what was going on with me, so, now, im blaming you too. youll never see this so it doesnt matter, but i hope someday ill be able to tell you how awful this all was, and maybe, just maybe, youll actually apologize to me for how much you hurt me. i didnt deserve any of that and you put me through it over and over again because youre too weak to stand up to anyone and too self absorbed to realize that you pick really shit people to engage with. all of your friends and girlfriends are such assholes and you dont realize that and so i have to suffer and its not fucking fair and i wish so badly you knew how hurt i am so you could say that youre fucking sorry you did this to me even though i know damn well youre not a little bit sorry and youll probably blame everyone but the people responsible, me included

i wish you understood

bye

[girlmetalsonic]

this is probably the bitchiest and most nitpickey thing i will ever post but

(art is from the idw issue 27 B cover, very good art please check it out and other stuff by jonathan gray, all of his work is VERY cool looking. my extreme focus on a minor detail should not reflect badly on the art lol)

i disagree on a fundamental level with almost every single leaderboard placement in this image.

the rest of this is under the cut bc im going to ramble for so long here. also, i need to put a disclaimer im not actually that mad i just dont think the placements make sense.

im aware that this is the "i dont like that sonics arms are blue, i hate sonics new shoes" kind of crazed sonic fan ramblings. but i do not care. this is like a he would not fucking say that situation to me. except its a they would not fucking place that if they all played video games situation.

SHADOW. DOES NOT KNOW WHAT A VIDEO GAME IS. YOU CANNOT LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME SOMEBODY FROM THE 50S WOULD GET THIRD PLACE.

ROUGE, (not pictured,) IS LITERALLY CHEATING. SHE IS CHEATING! SHES USING CHEAT CODES!! SHE GETS SEVENTH?? WHILE CHEATING???

KNUCKLES. IS 1. WEARING BOXING GLOVES. AND 2. ALSO HAS LIKELY NEVER PLAYED A VIDEO GAME! HE GREW UP ON A REMOTE ISLAND! THEY DID NOT BRING HIM FORTNITE! you can make the argument that he has since played video games after becoming friends with sonic. but fifth place? he played his first video game at age 16 and youre telling me he beat amy? and tangle? and rouge who, im still not over this, IS CHEATING??

but i digress. im going to give my own ideal placements and reasoning for all of them.

Big

Tails

Rouge

Tangle

Sonic

Amy

Cream

Shadow

Knuckles

Jet

OK; my reasoning for each of these is as follows.

Big is funny and it would be funny if he beat everybody else, its unexpected. its a good joke.

Tails is tech-savvy, i wouldnt be surprised if he knew a few glitches and some speedrun tech. he also likely has good control and experience with playing.

Rouge is literally cheating. the only reason she isnt first is because i think she doesnt play video games that often so she is at a disadvantage on pure technical skill, and also she is sitting upside down (not pictured)

Tangle just seems like a gamer to me. She is a normal person who plays video games in her free time and so she knows how to play fairly well.

Sonic, by all means, SHOULD be in sixth, however i cannot in my mind separate sonic from being a gamer. i know he likely barely plays because he spends his time outdoors and travelling, but sonic being in sixth is so viscerally wrong to me that i had to put him in fifth. its the highest i could justify.

Amy, by all means, SHOULD be in fifth, however, in the image she is raging (not pictured) so i feel that she would be playing worse than usual. shes a normal person who i can see playing video games sometimes.

Cream is a normal kid who i think plays video games fairly often. her mom probably has screen time limits or something but cream is playing minecraft when she can. she is only this low because she is six years old. gemerl is giving her strategy tips. she would be much higher if she had fully developed fine motor skills.

Shadow and Knuckles i can really see being flipped, however, i just see Shadow being a teensy bit higher. While i think shadow knows less about video games, i think he would do better while playing since he has perfect reflexes and also isnt wearing boxing gloves. but i must stress both he and Knuckles are dogshit at video games.

Knuckles could be swapped with Shadow, but, despite knowing more and having possibly played a game or two before, Knuckles is wearing boxing gloves which are bad for gaming, and despite having warrior reflexes due to his training, he really cant beat the ultimate lifeform reflex kind of junk. but again, it could go either way, they both suck at video games.

Jet loses because its funny if he loses. same thing as Bigs. good joke, 10/10 i have no notes.

and thats it. that is my ideal ranking. it will forever slightly piss me off that the official sonic the hedgehog "which characters are gamers" lore does not fit with my interpretations of them. but what can you do.

(make an overly long text post about it, thats what!)

[thegurlbehindthesmile]

August

These days keep moving faster and faster. Thursdays feel like Mondays..the days feel forever off.

i feel like acknowledging how much time has past means im paying attention; i dont really want to care. ive come to realize maybe i really have been let down by love. my own expectations; medias representation of what love should be, religious garbage of what love ought to be. Ive written before how love has always been a sore spot of mine. a bruise that wont leave my body. being adopted my first thoughts of love were...abandonment- (how one can love something so much and still push to let it go?) the virtue of: if you truly love something you let it go. the ultimate sacrifice. that love, had to be a sacrifice... same with the religious load they shoved down my throat- christ and his undying love for you and his sacrifice. love sacrifice love sacrifice i was taught commit to the ONE you love and youll be happy. i wanted to be happy. protecting myself from too many people and focusing on THE ONE. what was i afraid of? (i suppose i was only afraid of letting down the many..the parents- the lookers) afraid they would think of me some sort of way (wtf...) was i really trying to find true happiness. i think i was just trying to be loved. experience love. i wanted more love from my parents more love from my friends- looked for love in all places. (except within myself- hating myself makes loving myself difficult.) (hate yourself?!) sometimes im not sure i know who i am unless somethings added to me. HIS GF, HER best friend, HER daughter. HIS wife. HIS mother. but who am i and why dont i like myself. lately ive been asking myself... what it is i want. what is it that i deserve. what is it that i even like this next chapter is about what love should be this next chapter is what im afraid of. I think at first there are no expectations. just trials and errors. realizing you like it more when someone says or does that verse i hate it when they do that. trial and error though lots of trial and error. but once that trial is over- you deff have a better understanding of even your own needs. what is it that i require to function normally today. to function better, to function. some need more than others. some need less...

i woke up oneday needing more. feeling as if i wasnt being watered. feeling like i had been walking in a dessert and just woke up. dry mouth. malnourished. like the house plant you forget that sits far away- you admire from a far and yet forget to water consistently.

i felt tired in my soul. i tired id never felt before.

ive felt hurt; used, abandoned. but never so tired before. i felt like i just needed to stop. i wondered why my partner wasnt there to help me or support me. guide me, carry me.

i felt wounded by love. what was happening. hadnt i followed all the rules. why does this hurt so much.

for a min there- in the pain, i thought- well if i could just have more than one person who loved me, this lack of love wouldnt hurt. (but it would...it would still hurt regardless.) it was the thought it self that rooted. why wasnt i getting the love i wanted. needed. what did i have to do to get this love.

i can see my soul radiating its need- its hunger, its hurt and with that; others could see it. she needs something....who is she

im afriad i can not make this next step. i can feel my heart beating out of my chest from anxiety.

i want to be seen. and heard.

im afraid to be hurt. as if im riding a bike for the first griping the handle bars- telling myself to petal- nervously shaking. i cant move.

im afraid that every moment from the this moment ill just continue to let people dictate what i want and how i want it.

Im afraid to fall in love again with someone only to be let down.

the optimist in me tell me what i tell my single friends. that all people are lessons and this ones been learned- onto the next. that the hurt wont last. that you have to try; you have to continue. each person simply teaches us something about ourselves or them and that lesson prepares us for lifes next obstacle. its all just..trial and error

but the realist in me goes. i cant do this again. i cant just lay out all my insecurites and my secrets

this time im feeling more myself that before. im vulnerable all over again. im afraid to get hurt. im afraid to trust someone with my happiness and expect them to keep me happy. (it isnt suppose to be that way- it doesnt work that way)

to keep and be kept.

each of my lovers have taken something me.

one my innocence.

one my dignity

& one my identity.

Im not sure i can trust again. im not sure i can open up. i wanted to be so ready to blossom and the first site of the sun i shriveled away. im afraid to let them down; that they wont like what they see.

im afraid every day and every night the multitude of scenerios will forever haunt me.

what if i could find a lover who doesnt hurt me? who could give and water. what if i could blossom to be the best version of myself. im afraid evrything is at face value these days and that my soul isnt worth much. a pretty face is a pretty face...is...a pretty face.

i deserve the love i want. but im afraid my insecurities have gotten the best of me.

what do i do now.

[khaycaprithewriter]

Everything you think you know. Update 2022

So.....wow. Its been a long, long, longgggg time. A year and 5 months to be exact since I stopped writing my blog. It no longer brought me joy and I really thought nobody cared enough for me to keep it going. But here we are a year and so months later and a lot has changed to say the least. I really don't know where to start but what I can tell you is that my life has truly changed for the better and I mean that whole heartedly! Although it has been better is has challenged me more than anything. I feel as though I really had my epiphany/breakthrough moment last year. 2021 was nothing short of fucking insane in ALL aspects. I made a life changing decision, I gave up something I never thought I could, and started choosing ME. That is one of the biggest changes of them all is that I actually started to choose things and make decisions that I felt suited me best and suited Naomi even better. After February 2021 I made the decision to change my health and take care of my weight. Being the big girl all my life has always taken a toll on me but now I viewed it in a different perspective. How can I truly live a long healthy life with my child if I keep ruining myself health wise? How can I tell my daughter to eat healthy and exercise if I don't? I realized that the heavier I got the more years were getting cut off for being there for my child and it was killing me. If you know me, you know Naomi means more to me than anything and anyone in this world and whatever I have to do give her everything she needs and more is what I will do. When you have a child your whole world stops. You realize every single decision or action you make effects their life in one way or another, positive or negative. I want to have a positive impact on my daughter. It was a very trying few months after deciding to better my health. I had a few people who knew and supported my journey but I had several others assuming I could not stick with it and would crash and burn and that took a toll on me. But, I realized at the end of the day I am doing this for ME not them and those that love and care about me will stand by me. I was seeing progress, seeing actual results. However, I was still sad and depressed and felt like I just wasn't completely satisfied with my life. I was having issues with my mom and brother and extremely unhappy in my relationship. I wanted to be alone every chance I got from any and everyone. There was this feeling of doubt. What if I am never truly happy? What if I will always settle for less than I deserve? These feelings were eating me alive. I had moved out of my moms house. It was too toxic and unhealthy. I knew I needed to find my own place and had been saving up for months to get one and working on my credit for 2 years to have a better shot at getting one. I was doing great things to process but wasn't feeling happy. I went from seeing my therapist every 3 weeks, to once a week. Every week I was begging her to give me answers and help me understand why I feel this way. She then told me something that changed my life. “The world isn't going to fall apart if you start choosing you. The world is going to keep going and get better once you start choosing you and STOP worrying about how everyone is going to react. You need to set boundaries and do whats right for not only you, but Naomi and I promise you, your life will change. I did just that. I found an apartment, got approved and moved in immediately. After getting my apartment, my car broke down and my insurance would not cover anything and the warranty wouldnt either. But, thanks to my credit and my savings I was able to a BETTER car, one of the best I have ever had after YEARS of hand me down cars. New apartment, New car. What else? A NEW JOB. After 2 years in a horrible toxic work environment I finally quit and no had a better paying union job and a job that can benefit my degree once graduating. Everything I manifested and prayed for was happening right before my eyes and it all seemed too good to be true, like a dream. I then made the decision to leave my 7 year relationship, and this was the decision that really shaped my life and changed it for the better. I won't say too much because if you know, you KNOW. But all I can say is that settling wasn't working for me anymore. I always had this feeling of not being enough, not being pretty enough, not being loved enough, just like i had enough of telling myself Id have my dream come true when time and time again its proven that it was never going to be that way. Those who know me know how hard I tried and fought to save my relationship but I realized that in order for me to be a good mom and person overall I have to choose whats best for me even if it hurts. Once I left and was newly single, that was my epiphany. The world didn't fall apart because I left him, I didn't explode or spiral into a deep pit of depression. I was actually okay!! From moving into my apartment, leaving my toxic relationship, got a new car, a new job and was sooo much closer to graduating college, I realized the world was truly mine for the taking. If I do not work my ass off and do things for me, I will forever be in the same spot and never more forward nor be successful. Being able to have safe space to call my own, fill my own fridge, pay my own rent and do everything on my own was hard to adjust to, but WORTH IT. Being able to take care of my daughter on my own without needing anyone or having to ask has been my biggest reward and blessing. I love being able to confidently say...I  am Miss Make it Happen!!! I love the bond that my daughter and I share. Its just us a majority of the time and we always have so much fun and laugh together. She really is my saving grave and God knew what he was doing when he gave me you. But, like always, God surprises me with more blessings. In addition to ending 2021 as one of the best and most life changing years of my life....he made 2022 even better. God has blessed me and chose me to carry life again. He gave me a son, a baby. To say I am overjoyed would be an understatement. I truly feel like God knows my heart was ready. I prayed for a baby for so long and knew at the right time, with the right person, he would bless me. To my unborn son, thank you for choosing me. Thank you for trusting me to carry you and keep you healthy and strong. Please keep growing strong for us. Daddy, Mommy and Naomi cannot wait to meet you. You do not know or understand how loved you are already, we love you baby boy.

If you have read this long I appreciate you SO much. Those who know me and love me have been waiting a long time for this blog and I hope you're proud of what Ive been able to express and put into words. I know loving me and being there for me isn't easy and I can be difficult but to have your continuous support always carries me through and is half the reason why I even do these blogs in the first place. To anyone who has never read my blog but took the time to today, thank you, thank you, thank you! I write these blogs not only because its my passion, but because I like to be heard. I have been silenced more times than I can count and this is my safe space to express me and be me, wholeheartedly. I want to be able to not only share, but connect with those who can relate and make them feel not so alone. On that note, let me know if there is ANYTHING you'd like me to write about or any topics that interest you! Stay tuned for my next blog, its going to be.....raw to say the least. 

[happys-crazy-queen22]

I'm The Right One For You

Gif credit @spooky-cory.

Requested by @stellarosedutton. I hope you like it Thanks for the request.

"Rip, Rip, babe"? Snapping your fingers in front of Rips face. You were trying to talk to him about the kids but he seemed like he had something more interesting on his mind and in his sight.

"What"? Rip, huffed turning his head to look at you.

"Where are you right now? I'm talking about the kids and you're off in lala land".

"I have lots of shit on my mind. I cant be talking about the kids, right now". Rip grumbled and grabbed his beer off the table and walked out the door.

You chewed on the inside of your cheek as you watched the kids play with their uncles. You knew this job was hard on Rip but you thought it would be easier if you and the kids were there to help out.  But it just seemed to make things worse for Rip and you.

"You okay"? Lloyd came over and sat down in Rips spot.

"Yeah. I'm good".

"You know, ever since you and Rip got together. I could tell when you lie. It wasnt very often but when you did, you always said "I'm good". Not your normal bubbly self. So what's up"?

"I think, Beth Dutton has finally sunk her claws into Rip. She has been awfully flirty with him and he just shrugged it off at first but now I think they have something going on".

"Why do you think that"?

"He's distance. He never comes home at a descent hour nowadays. We havent had a conversation longer that "get to work". I'm starting to worry.  We havent had sex in months. We use to do it every night".

Lloyd couldnt hold in his laughter. "I'm very aware of that. We could hear you miles away. But dont think to much into it. He's just stressed and hes working to hard". Lloyd tried to reassure you but it didn't help.

"I know. But something is wrong and he wont talk to me". You sigh running your hand through your hair.

"You need some sleep. Why don't you take the kids and head to bed. We'll be quiet".

"Yeah. Thanks for the talk, Lloyd".

"Anytime, sugar". Lloyd sent you a wink as you grabbed up Carson, your 2 year old son and Neveah, your 3 year old daughter with Rip.

Carson was already asleep when you hit home, just a walk down the trial. Neveah was a little chatter box. Opening the door on the house, you got a not so suprising shock. Your suspicions were right. Quickly covering Neveahs eyes with your hand.

"You cheating fucking bastard". Your voice made Beth giggle and Rip freak when he saw you.

"Its not what it looks like". Rip tried to explain.

"Did you slip in shit and went dick first into Beth's pussy"? You asked sarcastically.

"Dont cuss in front of the kids".

"Oh so you can cheat on their mother in front of them. Because this right here will scar them for life before me saying dick and pussy will. You fucking asshole". You grabbed up Neveah and headed back to the bunkhouse.

You kicked the door open as Rip was behind you. Everyone got quiet as you came in.

"Did you all know"? You asked everyone staring at you.

"No". Lloyd looked at you then to Rip with a disappointing look.

"Can you watch them so I can cool off and figure out what to do? Because I'm not staying here". You handed Ryan Neveah and laid Carson down on the beside him.

"Yeah, no problem".

You started outside and grabbed a sledgehammer on your way out that leaned against the house.

"Y/N, what are you doing"? Kayce heard the ruckus and came running out of the main house. Rip didnt follow you. He was probably getting a ear full from Lloyd and the others. They seemed to care about you more than Rip did.

"Stay out of this Kayce". You growled, going up to Beth's car and smashing her back windshield.

"Oh fuck". Kayce exclaimed, his hands going to his hair.

You smashed in her side windows and then her windshield with ease. You were beyond pissed.

"No no no". Kayce went to waving his arms.

Then you went on to Rips truck, you climbed on to his hood and smashed his windshield.

"That's my truck". Kayce yelled his neck vein popping out as the moonlight hit him.

You looked in the truck, there wasn't two carseats for the kids. "Why didn't you tell me beforehand". You screamed back.

"What does no no no mean to you"? Kayce dramatically through up his arms.

"Sorry". You got down from the hood of the truck and walked over to Kayce, who was having a nervous breakdown over his windshield.

"Where's Rips truck"?

"At your house, I'm guessing. Damn it, Y/N. Why did you do that for"?

"I caught Beth fucking Rip in our house".

"Shit, I'm sorry. You can continue on her car if you want"? Kayce chuckled, he tried covering his crying as he went up to his truck. "I love this truck".

"I'll pay for the windshield. Well, Rip will".

"Yeah, okay". Kayce sniffled and turned around to you. "You wanna talk about it"?

"Nah. I'm okay. I saw it coming. It was just a matter of time. I just wish that Naveah hadn't seen it". You handed Kayce the sledgehammer.

"Oh no. I'm sorry. That sucks".

"Yeah, so I'm going to go get the kids and go home. Rip can fuck off. Sorry again about your windshield".

"You need help? Um carrying the kids"?

"Sure. Thanks". You slightly smiled and went to the bunkhouse. When you got in the kids were asleep. Rip was gone and the guys were quietly playing poker.

"Thanks for watching them. I appreciate it". You told Lloyd and the others as you scooped up Carson.

"Any time. We're sorry about you and Rip. We gave him a lashing.  He's sorry".

"Yeah, well. Fuck him. Thanks again".

Kayce and you started walking down to your house. The lights were out so you knew Rip wasnt home.

"You sure you want to stay here? You know, after what happened"? Kayce asked walking up the stairs, Naveahs arms wrapped around his neck.

"Shit. I didnt think of that. We'll just avoid the couch. Just put the kids in their beds". You chuckle as you opened the door. You averted your eyes and headed to Carsons room.  Laying him down gently and kissing his head, before stepping out. Kayce met you in the hall way.

"Before you go can you help me"?

"Sure. Anything".

"You want me to touch that"? Kayce gagged as you laughed. You wanted the couch out of the house.

"Just grab it and let's go".

"They were naked. Doing the nasty".

"I thought you were a country boy. Not afraid of anything. Not some wimp".

"You've seen Rip naked and shit. I havent. I dont want the mental picture and his DNA all over my hands".

"Quit whining. I didnt want to see your sister balls deep on my boyfriend but I did. You can handle a little Rip jizz". You say with a laugh as Kayce dropped his side on the ground quickly wiping his hands off on his jacket with a disgusting face.

"You alright there"?

"Peachy".

"You alright"? Kayce asked.

"Surprisingly well. I thought I couldn't live without Rip, but after catching him. I dont want anything to do with him. Every time I see his face my skin crawls". You say putting your end of the couch down and dusting off your hands.

"Want some coffee"? You asked Kayce.

"You want company"? He replied.

"Yeah, I wont be able to sleep so might as well stay up with you". You snicker as Kayce playfully nudged your arm.

"Gee, thanks. I'm so glad I can keep you company".

"Um, when did you know Beth was after Rip"? Kayce questioned when you set his cup down in front of him.

"Months ago. When we all went to the rodeo. I took the kids to the bathroom and when I came back she had her head and arm laying on him. He just shrugged her off when he saw me. So I knew something would happen or had already happened". You gulped down the steaming hot coffee in your mouth.

"I'm sorry. I know it's not my place to say it but you're better without him".

"What you mean"?

"I mean no disrespect but what does he exactly do for you and the kids? He's hardly ever home. I've never seen him take the kids riding or even play with them. The horse hands do more than he has since you been here. I just dont know what you saw in him". Kayce felt he was treading on thin ice when he said that.

"When I met him, he was drunk. He's funny when he's drunk. We started dating, had Neveah then Carson and everything after changed when we moved in with him. Like we're stepping on his toes or something. Now he doesn't talk to me. So I guess what I saw in him.... I'm not sure anymore".

"You're a single mom basically. Now you're a single woman. What are your plans"?

"I dont know. I guess I can move back to my old house. It hasn't sold yet. Put the kids in daycare and still work here. But then Rip wouldnt want that and I dont want to see Beth all over him. So I'll have to get another job".

"You're really going to leave"? Kayce acted crushed.

"There's nothing here for me".

"I'm here. The guys are here". Kayce licked his lips as he looked at your lips.

"They dont want a mother with two kids here, weighing them down. Especially you, you dont need that".

"What if I want that"? Kayce looked into your eyes.

"Kayce, stop".

"What? I know you feel this connection between us. It's been there". Kayce stepped closer to you. His hand reached for yours on the counter top.

"I just broke up with Rip. You really decided that this was the perfect time to confess your love for me". You nervous chuckle.

"There isn't a better time then now. I want you. I may not be the man Rip is but I'll take care of you and the kids. I'll treat them as my own. You can move in with me and smother me with your toys and love". Kayce grinned.

"They do have lots of toys". You say looking around the house.

"What about Rip and Beth"?

"They have each other. Why cant we be happy together"?

"I dont know, Kayce".

"We'll take it slow. How about this Saturday, we go on a date. The guys can watch the kids and we'll get to know each other. I'm funny without being drunk,  I have other great things about me. Plus I'm cute and you can't say no to this face". Kayce pointed to his face with a smirk.  

"Okay. I'll go on a date with you. I don't want to hurt the kids if they get attached and we dont make it".

"I understand. But I have a feeling we're going to make it. I even see a little Dutton in our future". Kayce pulled you close, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"Is this you being funny or have you lost your mind"? You laugh, putting your hands on his chest.

"I'm just sure that we'll be together. We're going to have a great future together". Kayce leans in and captures your lips with his.

This all took you by surprise. You didnt know Kayce felt this way about you. But deep down you felt in your heart that this all happened for a reason and Kayce was meant for you. You just took a detour, a bumpy road and went off a cliff but was rescued by a cowboy named Kayce Dutton imagine that.

[ac3id]

bully anon 🚶. are u reading my mind? 👁️👄👁️ im literally writing a yandere!bully! bakugo x reader thing where he shares his darling w his crazy classmates 💅 also bakumomo 🤤

bnha: katsuki bakugou x fem!reader x momo yaoyorozu

warnings:  humiliation, degradation, noncon touching, bj. bakugo n momo be meanies :'), fem reader

momo has a kick for seeing u suffer, she just loves when ur eyes get glossy & a  sacred, hopeless expression masks ur face. she gets such a power trip from it that even the slightest bit of guiltiness she feels from bullying u disappears.

but she knows she cant make u cry the way she wants u too. u r not that scared of her. too u, she is just another rich girl picking on u because it boosts their ego. u honestly couldnt care less about those types anymore. so she knows u wont submit to her so easily and thats when she goes to bakugo for help.

the both of them have great respect for eachother, he knows how extraordinary she is and vice versa but when momo asks him, “what do u think of her,” signalling to u, hes a little confused. hes always thought of u as the pathetic type, u did not hold much respect in his heart or mind. hed often forget about ur existence even but one thing he had wouldnt admit, ever was that he also found u hot. very attractive. sometimes, late at night he wud pump his cock to the thought of u. the way u stretched during warm ups, ur beautiful curves. the way ur perfect, little ass bent and jiggled during exercises. he dreamed of going up to u & grabbing a handful. the way ur tits bounced when u ran, everything clouded his mind during late nights when he tried to release pent up stress.

so when momo asked him the question he gave the most honest answer, “just another extra, too me,” momo seemed satisfied w his answer, “so, u dont care about her?” she asks & bakugo agrees. “well she pisses me off.”

the spite momo held in her tone made it hard to believe it was actually her speaking. she asks bakugo for his help. she promises him that he can do whatever he wants with u, whatever. he had said he didnt care about u, it should be easy for him to bully u. he agrees besides, who could say no to momo.

it starts of with usual teasing, hes calling u names, deeming u worthless & laughing when he sees u tear up from his harsh words. he feels amazing, like he is on top of the world. he bullies u pathetically, calling u out on ur insecurities & turning it into a laughing stock for others. while everyone is laughing at ur weak state, fortunately for u someone comes to ur rescue– momo stands up against bakugo acting as she is actually disgusted by his actions, acting as if she wasnt snickering along w the others.

she defends u but what she says just makes u cry even louder. she never outright denies his insults. he calls u a worthless, piece of shit with no real importance to the world. from momo, its never ‘dont listen to him, u are an amazing person y/n!’ but its always ‘bakugo–san, dont pick on others for things they cant change about themselves.” she also thinks u are worthless? guess so? everyone just laughs louder, they know what she is doing & so do u. u know u cant take this anymore, the humiliation brings tears to ur eyes and u can feel the dam break slowly.

u run to the bathroom not sparing a glance behind. u lock urself up in one of the stalls, crying ur pain away. not after long, a loud thud bangs against the door w a crude voice following the tune, “oi, i know ure in there!” bakugo screams, his repeated banging on the door never stopping, “open up!” he continues but u dont listen to him instead putting ur hands over ur ears, trying to block out the sound of his loud cries.

u keep at it for as long as bakugo stands outside the door until u hear an explosion go off & the next thing is he looking down at u ferociously. his glowing, red eyes gleam a powerful hatred making u tremble over the toilet seat. he pulls ur face up by ur hair before slapping u across the face. ur face stings when his hand connect to ur cheek, ur head falling to the opposite direction, ur breath uneven as tears pools down ur eyes.

“oi,” he tugs on ur hair again, ur scalp burning as he tugs on ur weak roots, “u think u can just run away?” u strain ur eyes, trying to look up at him through ur watery vision. “useless bitch,” his stare is intense. his vermilion eyes scan ur tear stained face and he feels himself get excited. the way u are seated would make u face his crotch if it werent for him holding u up by ur hair, “u are pathetic, u know?” he says it like its a question but u very well know hes serious. u only sob harder at his words, fat, salty tears rolling down ur cheeks, u pray to urself that he leaves u alone.

unfortunately for u, the whole scene just excites bakugo even further. he feels his jeans tighten as he starts to imagine u sucking him off. it was just like one of his fantasies only difference; u were here in real flesh & blood withering under him. he drops ur head & u quickly turn ur gaze to the floor, peering down at ur shoes. ur face drops as u hear bakugo unbuckle his belt and pull down the zipper, u keep ur gaze focused to the floor not daring to look up.

what was he going to do? pee on u?

only when he calls out ur name u by mistakenly peep up. the sight u see is scandalous, he pumps his semi-hard cock in his fist slowly as he watches ur every move. ur eyes widen in terror when u hear him talk, “put it in ur mouth, bitch.” his order is absolute yet u dont listen to him. there was no way u were actually going to suck his dick, ur eyes fall back down on the floor as u drop ur head down, “no.” u whisper, ur voice timid. bakugo frowns, what makes u think u have a say in this.

“what do u mean no?” he asks voice on edge, “i-its rape.” ur answer comes out in a weak, broken cry which makes bakugo scoff, “how? im not even touching u.” u try to reason but bakugo is having none of it. growing impatient, he grabs ur head and pushes his cock into ur mouth, completely ignoring ur cries. “bite me and i will blow ur face off” its not an empty threat so u obey. it wasnt like u would be able to win against him anyway.

“suck on it, whore. im litreally asking u to do one single thing but u cant even do that?” bakugo is crude with his words, never missing any opportunity to talk u down. u start sucking on his cock, ur head bobbing & tongue swirling around his tip. he hisses in pleasure, this was so much better than his imagination.

“look at u go, guess the rumours are true afterall.” he laughs. u can feel him coming closer. his cock twitches in ur mouth as he bites his lips roughly, eyes screwed shut in pleasure. his cock hits the back of ur throat before he cums in ir mouth. hot, salty liquid shooting down ur throat making u feel nauseous. “guess sucking dick is the only thing u are good at,” he remarks letting go of ur face. and pulling his pants on. embarrassed, u turn ur face away from him sobbing softly as u wait for him to leave but he never does. instead he watches u cry.

“what are u doing?” another voice breaks in. momo stands outside the bathroom stall knocking on the wooden door. ur head turns to face bakugo in a flash as he goes unlock the door. u grab on his arm, pleading him to not open the door. u didnt want momo to see u in this state. bakugo stares at u before throwing a chasire grin as he opens the door.

more tears fall from ur eyes as u see momo waiting out, concern written all over her face. her fear only increases when she looks over ur broken form. “what happened in here?” she turns to bakugo but recieves no answer, “he raped me!” u scream & momo’s eyes widen. she turns to bakugo, giving him a genuine glare. she approaches u slowly, her hands rest on ur shoulder as she pushes ur face into her boobs while she rubs ur back with soothing circles. “what did he do?” u find it strange how bakugo hadnt left yet, he was technically exposed. what good could it do him? watching the girl whos mouth he just violated get pampered. u tell her about he shoved his dick down ur throat forcefully. u were not sure why she was being all nice to all of a sudden but it was comforting. u keep hugging momo as u cry about bakugo. he just clicks his tongue before getting to leave but momos suggestion holds him back, “why just her mouth?” momo pulls away from ur embrace, her hands now falling behind ur back as she captures ur wrists and bounds the away with ropes she had created. ur wrists adjust uncomfortably behind u. next, her hands reach out between ur legs, forcing them open.

“momo, what are u doing?” the false sense of security is gone as she flips over ur skirt displaying ur light pink panties to bakugo. u squirm around trying to get free of the ropes but its impossible. “didnt i tell u that u can do whatever u want w her?” ur face pales as she starts talking. “shes a virgin, u will have fun. im planning on recording it.” her nimble fingers play with ur clit over the fabric making u wet. “besides, look at her. dont tell me she doesnt want this.” her fingers vanish behind ur panties as she plays with ur holes, ur arousal sticking to her fingers deliciously.

bakugo looks at scene displayed before him and feels himself raging a hard–on again. he takes a good look at ur crying face wrecking u and filling u with his cum till the brim while momo records everything.

[journalsandshit]

08/06/2023 - letter

jack,

i never got to talk to you about how this made me feel but ive been thinking a lot about it lately, so i guess now would be the time. i dont fully understand what happened but it hurt really bad and i think it might have changed us and our relationship forever, whether you realize it even happened or not.

on the sunday of the week before spring break, i had a conversation with you about carolina and about your relationship with her. that night you had a conversation with her that, admittedly, makes me feel sick to think about. i wrote about that conversation on 03/19/2023, and about some of the issues following, but this is gonna be a much more in depth analysis (?) of that.

following that conversation, in the week leading up to spring break, i did not get to hang out with you outside of school one single time. you were with her, and then with cam, and michelle, and trinity, and who the fuck knows who else. all i know was that you werent with me, and you werent talking to me, and you never told me why. i went home after sixth period. when i asked you what the plan was, you said "im not sure yet, ill let you know." but you never did let me know. so every day, for five days, a five days that i really needed you, i might add, i went home, and sat on the couch, and waited for you to ask for me. but you never did. i cried more in that one week than i had in months, and its only gotten worse after that. i knew i was leaving for most of spring break but it felt like you didnt care at all. if you had cared, you would have made time for me, but you didnt, so i was alone, all week, and i didnt know what i had done to make you hate me all the sudden. you didnt even have me bring you to school that week so i didnt get the one time when i knew i was garanteed to have you to myself without any of your idiotic relationships getting in the way. i was so alone and i thought that that was the worst it would be. i wish i had been right.

also around that time, you asked me to give you all of your clothes back. that was heartbreaking for me. you didnt tell me why and when i asked you just said that it was weird and that you wanted them back. i specifically remember that you used the word "weird" because thats what made it so painful. we arent dating, and we never have been, but weve shared clothes for the better part of a year at this point and weve always made jokes about how people think were dating all the time. weve never cared about what other people thought about our relationship. at least i thought we didnt, but clearly you did, or you let other peoples concerns (carolinas concerns) get to you enough that you werent comfortable with us being us anymore. i gave your clothes back and cried and asked what was happening with us, and you said nothing. you said we were okay, and i said i was sorry. but you know what? i shouldnt have to be sorry. i didnt do anything wrong, you did, and your stupid fucking girlfriend did, but i didnt and i still felt like i should be sorry for what i was doing "to" you. and then i asked, after agonizing over it for days, why you wanted the clothes back, and you confirmed what i thought, carolina said it was weird and that she wasnt comfortable with it.

that was, i think, the beginning of the end

the next week was spring break. i flew out to new york on saturday morning, and you called me while we were on the shuttle bus. i thought that that had meant that you were gonna talk to me like normal, but i was wrong.

that i whole week i texted you every day and i waited and waited for you to call, but you didnt. i needed you really badly then. i was stressed out and afraid bc i was spending so much time with my family and i was touring colleges and i felt so far away from you and i needed to know that you wouldnt forget about me when i moved up there. you, however, found new friends to replace me right away. you hung out with cam or carolina pretty much every day and didnt try to talk to me until it was too late to call bc i was in a shared hotel room with absolutely zero private space. i missed you so bad every day and it was so much worse knowing that not only had you just replaced the time that we spent together with other people, but also that, on some level, i had done that. i had started your whole "getting to know each other" bullshit with carolina and i forced myself to have to see you doing things together and "bonding" and i couldnt do anything about it bc i was two thousand miles away and you wouldnt ask to see me anyway because why should it be at all different from that horrible week before.

i saw you the day i came home, and i think the days after that, but something was wrong. you didnt touch me anymore, you didnt tell me you loved me, you barely stopped talking about how much fun you had had with your girlfriend and your other friends.

it was like that for a while. i was scared and alone and i needed you but i couldnt ask for you or even ask you what was going on bc i was so sad and afraid bc i had already clearly fucked up so bad.

then we went back to school and shit got so much worse, but i cant justify doing that here so ill tell you about that in another letter