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insanelyadd · 1 year

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Collector and Archivist Family Headcanons

I got one person who said they wanted to see this when I asked, so this is for you. <3

Before I get into describing the relationships of the siblings (Which I think I did a really good job writing and describing), it is important you know a few background details (that are also headcanons). As a little heads up warning, under the cut there will be mentions of: Imprisonment, neglect, abuse, manipulation, toxic family dynamics, child murder (the Titans), murder (also the Titans), abandonment, guilt, PTSD(?). I think that's it. Let me know which of the Archivists are your least favorite, I'm keeping track and so far one of them is ahead by a lot.

As a reminder this is what My Archivists look like, I swear to god tumblr if you tank the image quality when I publish this:

Free headcanon before we transition to under the read more: I gave The Collector and The Archivists "true names" (and in the Archivist's case, specific code names) because I have a HC that the reason we never learn any "normal" names for any of them is that if a mortal knows a Collector's True Name then that mortal (non-Collector) has power over them. Their magic no longer has much, if any, effect, and they can be harmed by the mortal.

They had one parent named Nebula who used xey/xem pronouns. Their parent has been imprisoned for trying to raise xeir children to believe contrary to the extremism of destroying planets when people get mad about their loved ones being kidnapped, which would probably reflect onto the children that their parent cared more about xeir contrarian morality than them, since xey definitely would have known what would happen when/if xey were caught. They have to have had a parent because the large age disparity between the eldest Archivist and the Collector would typically imply a more parental role, so they need to have all shared a parent.

When the other Collectors came to arrest Nebula, xey tried to fight it so xey could stay with xeir children but xey were easily outnumbered and overpowered. After Nebula were apprehended, the other Collectors began to round up the children so they could be brought to new adult(s) to be raised “properly”, but once they noticed Penumbra was roughly adult age, they asked her if she would be willing to become their caretaker, as otherwise the other children may all be separated, because who would want to suddenly accept 5 new children, including an infant. So Penumbra took on all this responsibility herself to prevent them from being separated.

Sketch of the happy family after these events, now with finalized designs.

Next info bit relates to a theory I have about how the room where Phillip found the Collector's disk could not have been made by the Titan ("Ah yeah lemme teleport this into my skull where I have conveniently made a locked door to put it behind") or Titan Trappers (they would have absolutely taken the disk instead), so this room had to have been made by SOMEBODY and the most likely candidate is the Archivists. To expand upon this, I believe they absolutely had access to Titan Blood and the Disk and chose to leave the Collector behind.

They most likely did this because whoever found the disk would very quickly find out they need Titan's blood or a Titan's help to release the Collector, in any case, the last Titan would need to be hatched, and accessible. The Archivists very likely assumed that he would return to them and when that happened they'd go back to the planet to finish what they started (killing the last Titan if they were not already killed to release them, and then possibly microwaving the planet).

They need to stop taking family photos after one of them is imprisoned, now with finalized designs.

NOW FOR THEIR RELATIONSHIPS!

Nebula, the Archivists' parent, loves all of xeir children dearly, and hopes they are all doing well without xem.

Penumbra:

Penumbra had a very good relationship with Nebula, but after xey were imprisoned for raising them "wrong", Penumbra resents xem. Xeir actions led to Penumbra being forced to raise four children all by herself while she, herself, was barely an adult by the standards of Collector society (I'd say 16 but simultaneously I'm assigning numbers for convenience to myself rather than it being a true translation of their ages as I feel many of our concepts of aging and other things are not be truly cross-compatible). Taking care of a teenager (14), two children (8), and a toddler (2), all while trying to continue to do her duties as a Collector (starting at the Collector equivalent of 8 years old they can assist on Collections, so Satellite, Solari, and Crescent all would have been able to help to varying degrees) would have been extremely stressful for her and it strained her relationship with all of her younger siblings.

She gets along best with Crescent since he was old enough to be almost entirely self-sufficient, though she was still very immature. They would occasionally come to points of contention specifically about how much Crescent should be allowed to do, with both of them having different perspectives on what she can do and what he can't do. Penumbra felt like he should contribute more on Collections and play less with Cosmos (the Collector), while Crescent felt like she should be allowed to help care for and watch Cosmos more since Penumbra assigning herself as sole caretaker of them was very obviously wearing her out. This would ease as Crescent got older, but as Cosmos also got older and less dependent, Penumbra became less stressed which made Crescent press less about caring for him, though she still enjoyed spending time with them (if any of the Archivists were likely to want children it would be Crescent).

Penumbra has a much more tense relationship with Satellite who took Nebula's imprisonment the hardest. Penumbra feels like Satellite resented her for the role she was forced to fill as their new sole caretaker. Satellite became much more quick to anger and was openly hostile when in a bad mood, which is ultimately why Penumbra decided they should be the Cartographer, because it gave them a lot of time by themself, since it seemed so obvious to her that they couldn't stand their own family. Penumbra also has a bitterness towards Satellite for their repeated verbal abuse towards Cosmos. All she wanted was for them to play nice with their baby brother so she could have a moment alone with her thoughts, or to work on projects and sometimes it worked, but it is impossible for her to tell when Satellite is in a bad mood (since they suppress their emotions until they explode) until she hears them screaming and Cosmos crying and has to show up to yell at Satellite and comfort Cosmos.

Penumbra has a horrible relationship with Solari. Unless they are speaking on official matters regarding their jobs, Solari has a tendency to undercut everything with sarcasm and disdain. Solari only ever seems truly happy and genuine when deep in thought categorizing and organizing the Archives, which was something Penumbra picked up on quite quickly, seeing how organized and easy to find everything in their room was, especially compared to the random hordes of assorted trinkets present in Crescent and Satellite's rooms (and her own if she felt like being honest), and assigned her as the Archive’s Curator. Penumbra feels like Solari needs to be preoccupied with other tasks while interacting with anyone because she otherwise expends her excess mental energy to be snide and cold to people, like they want to tell jokes but she's too mean or emotionally distant to bother thinking of ones that aren't cruel. Penumbra also DEEPLY dislikes Solari's tendency to be rough with Cosmos when she sends him off to play with them. He doesn't seem to mind the shooting star game, as long as he isn't thrown into objects or so far away they can't find their way back, but Solari does things that scare Cosmos and piss off Penumbra, like boxing him into small spaces or stomping their foot hard enough for the floor to crack right in front of him, or punching walls and slamming doors when she’s aggravated about them being around. She's never actually hurt them on purpose, with a few accidental times resulting in Solari immediately apologizing, healing him if necessary, and leaving him alone. But if the day ever comes where they do hurt him on purpose Penumbra is fully prepared to wring their neck and lock her in her room for 100 years, impeccable talent for organizing be damned.

Penumbra has a complicated relationship with Cosmos. She is their older sister but also effectively their mother, having been his sole caretaker for a majority of his life, but she’s also exhausted by him. She raised Cosmos from a literal infant into a curious and playful child. Unfortunately the playfulness and curiosity are a non-stop feature and not one that only conveniently exists when she wants a break from her duties or when she's giving him his lessons on their culture, the universe, or their vast Collection. She also gets easily frustrated with them just like the twins do, but she prides herself in being able to easily dismiss those feelings despite her bone deep burnout for childcare. She sends him on tasks in the Archives, uses the cultures of the beings she’s observing at any given time to concoct new games for him to play, or redirects them to any of the other available siblings. She loves them very much but she also desperately wanted a break from him.

Crescent:

Crescent had the worst relationship with Nebula, which isn’t to say it was even bad, but that once she found out that xey were breaking their laws by teaching them all “incorrectly”, he turned xem in. Crescent much prefers the rules as they are Meant To Be, because the way Nebula taught them was much less efficient, which is what she prefers. It wasn’t until the incident with the Titans that he became more openly gleeful about ending the lives of mortals, before then it remained largely just another part of her duties as a Collector. Nobody knows how other Collectors found out about Nebula doing this, and Crescent knows better than to tell his siblings about this.

Crescent feels like an equal to Penumbra, in that they both are the eldest, with only a few “years” apart from each other, and he is given free reign to make executive decisions while performing her duties on planets alone. She still has a slight bitterness about Penumbra refusing to let him help raise Cosmos, because she believes if Penumbra was less stressed she would have lashed out less to Satellite and Solari, and blames her for some of their behavioral issues. For the most part though he doesn’t let these feelings interfere at all with how he interacts with her, because they are The Charmer, and she prides herself on being able to be incredibly charismatic, smoothing over moments of tension between Penumbra and the Twins easily, lying to and manipulating mortals even more easily.

Crescent silently despises Satellite. She would never let it slip how she really feels about them, but inside whenever they are forced to interact she is constantly imagining scenarios in which it may be appropriate to punch them. He HATES their inability to telegraph how they’re feeling more clearly, because she hates not being able to read people. Their emotional constipation means it’s harder for him to get a read on how best to placate or flatter them in any given situation. His frustration about this coupled with Satellite’s extreme hostility at the drop of a hat makes it so Crescent loathes interaction with them.

Crescent outwardly gets along very well with Solari, as they can very very easily figure out the best course of action to take in any given interaction they share. He still doesn’t enjoy her company that much though, as her tendency to “jokingly” insult her pisses her off, especially paired with what Crescent perceives as extreme arrogance when Solari tries to act intimidating and tough to him. Crescent is probably the most physically fit of all of the Archivists (magically it is much harder to decipher who’s on top) and is insulted that the least physically capable of all of them (excluding the actual child) even entertains the idea that she could fight him, especially with her misplaced confidence in these moments that Crescent perceives to be them believing they could even win. At every opportunity that has presented itself Crescent fights her and takes them down VERY quickly, which makes Solari even more passive aggressive and angry at him.

Crescent adored Cosmos. Always enjoying playing with them, telling him stories about the Collections she’s gone on recently, teaching him new magic tricks. Crescent liked that they were easy to read and easy to lead, easily redirecting their energy at tasks and “games” that could easily preoccupy them until they got tired enough to sleep. Still, he believed it was a great idea to send them to the Titan Planet to see how he would do on his first excursion as an Actual Collector, even after the Titans proved to be able to harm Cosmos they weighed the benefits against the risks of leaving them there. Benefits being that he could function as a good distraction while she whipped up a quick plan to wipe the Titans out, risks being the Titans catching on and harming Cosmos or doing so accidentally. Crescent concluded the Titans were far too nice to harm them, and believed himself to be clever enough to quickly mount up an attack on the Titans that would wipe them out before they’d even be able to register what happened.

Satellite:

Satellite loved Nebula more than anyone, even their own twin (but don’t tell Solari that). The feeling of betrayal and abandonment they felt when it was revealed that xey had broken laws which resulted in xeir imprisonment destroyed everything that they knew in their mind.

Satellite is afraid of Penumbra, which used to not be the case, at least, not to the same extent. Satellite never really got along with any of their siblings except Solari on a consistent basis but Penumbra’s idea to make them the Cartographer at first felt fine, even Satellite didn’t fully understand what would set them off and enjoyed the time alone and moments of peace they got exploring space and searching out new places to Collect from. Eventually they realized that they actually hated being alone, they didn’t like how easily Penumbra sent them to do probably the most isolating task any of them could do to maintain their Archive. This strained their relationship quite a bit, but seeing how easily Penumbra was able to cast aside Cosmos after he was sealed in the mirror shook something in them. They thought Penumbra loved Cosmos more than any of the other siblings, a leftover piece of jealousy at him receiving so much attention after Nebula was taken away, but they couldn’t comprehend Penumbra actually even DISLIKING them in any capacity so it simply meant that to Penumbra All of the other Archivists were disposable if she came up with a good enough reason to abandon them.

Satellite is also afraid of Crescent but for reasons that are the same and completely different. The same because Crescent didn’t even argue with Penumbra’s plan to leave the disk on the Titan Planet, and in fact came up with the idea to leave behind folklore and stories about how “The Collector” was so powerful to entice people to want to find him and release him. Different because while Satellite was more apathetic to mortals, the lessons Nebula told them about how mortal life is sacred and should be protected (which is only slightly different from what they were “meant” to be told about how mortal life is sacred and must be protected by collecting unless they resist in which case they should be taken by force and their home and any stragglers left to die as they destroyed their planet) resulted in Satellite being deeply disturbed by Crescent’s total glee upon orchestrating mortals to fight the Titans on his behalf, easily ignoring how many of the Titan Trappers she had trained were killed in the battles against the full grown titans. Wearing the skulls of the babies and children, and encouraging the Trappers and other Archivists to do the same. Satellite knows how good she is at reading people, they aren’t stupid, they see how when Crescent is around fights are resolved easily, how the mortal Trappers were so easily swayed by her words and loyally fought in battle for him to the very last breath. Satellite isn’t as good at reading people but they sense their emotional non-transparency frustrates him which Satellite is just fine with, to a small extent because it can be used to protect them from her but also they worry about it making Crescent angry enough to do something about it one of these days.

Solari is Satellite’s only friend. They confide in her frequently about what they are feeling, and spend much of their time when not exploring space hanging out with them in the Archives while she sorts, categorizes, and organizes things. Solari is almost never on the receiving end of one of their meltdowns, especially since she was the one to be there for them the most after Nebula was gone. They still do get into fights, they are siblings of course, but they are not even remotely on the same level as one of them fighting with Penumbra or Crescent. Satellite has shared their worries about Crescent and Penumbra so easily discarding Cosmos, and how they worry how easily they would get rid of them or her. Solari understands them and they agree quite frequently on things, though their jobs typically keep them far apart.

Satellite did like Cosmos. They have extreme difficulty expressing how they feel and clearly communicating their needs in social situations which very often resulted in Cosmos, being a child and thus even more oblivious to social etiquette than Solari with none of the lifelong bonding Satellite has with her to guide Cosmos through their interactions, getting on their nerves severely. It was about a 50/50 chance for Satellite to be in a relatively good mood to speak with Cosmos, enjoying them chatting about assorted things, especially when they got to lie and teach them the wrong things about space or magic which resulted in Penumbra giving them the stink eye when Cosmos finally got around to asking her about whether black holes get sick and throw up when too much stuff goes in them at once. Satellite did not like yelling at any of their siblings but they also don’t know how else to act when overwhelmed because it’s not like any of them have had the same issues as them. Now that Cosmos is gone, Satellite is very upset at how they treated him. Satellite feels like they should have realized that they were distant and cold, and Solari was distant and cold, and Penumbra was detached, and Crescent was nearly always busy, and they wonder if he felt the way they do, about being so very alone with almost no one to talk to about how they really feel.

Solari:

Solari loved Nebula quite a bit, though they could tell Satellite was always more excited to spend time with xem than her, but they didn’t let that get her down. Seeing their parent taken from them, and how badly it hurt Satellite made them resent Nebula after the fact.

Solari hates Penumbra. Mainly because she was smart enough to, just like Crescent, realize that if she relinquished some control over Cosmos when they were a baby to Crescent, she would have been more present for Satellite, like they desperately needed her to be. As they got older her resentment manifested in cold hostility for all the members of the family that they felt were failing her twin. Penumbra isolates them, Crescent is annoyed he can’t just puppet them to do what she wants, and Cosmos got all the attention. Penumbra’s obvious disdain for Solari just fuels her own disdain for her right back. They frequently get into fights. Solari was HORRIFIED by Penumbra’s suggestion that they leave the Collector’s mirror disk, all that remained of him, on the Titan Planet because what amounted to the corpse (though not dead) of their sibling could be used as a signal to them for when the final titan frees them or is killed so they can finish the job they started and finally destroy the planet.

Solari despises Crescent. The way he is able to so easily turn events in her favor when there is a disagreement, the fact that he is given so much freedom from Penumbra compared to herself or Satellite, the way that Crescent avoids Satellite simply because she does not care to be genuine in conversations with them. Not to mention when instead of arguing that since they had Titan’s blood and the disk, they should release Cosmos immediately, he agreed to Penumbra’s plan and contributed. It deeply disgusted Solari, especially since her and Satellite agreed that Crescent and Cosmos were closer with each other than any of the rest of them were with either. She loves to get under his skin by challenging her authority, even though she knows they will always lose in a hand-to-hand fight, she does it anyway because they can tell it makes him angry to see her self-assured superiority challenged.

Satellite is the only person Solari is really close with, both of them speaking to each other about their concerns regarding their older siblings when they have the chance to. Solari knows Satellite the best out of any of their siblings, which is why her sarcasm and teasing is always intentional and never mean spirited with them. Solari was the one to comfort Satellite the most about Nebula, which shocked and upset her, because they could not understand why neither of the older siblings could tell or seemed to care about how much they were hurting. Together they realized they had been terrible to Cosmos through no fault of his own and they both deeply regret how they treated them. They’ve spoken before about a complete pipe dream they’ve had, where if Cosmos is ever able to return to them, they’d all run away together to keep their older siblings from continuing to use and neglect him.

Solari has a lot of regrets about Cosmos. She wishes she could have realized that they never did anything wrong, or hurt them (Solari and Satellite) intentionally. They know now that he deserved much better than what he got, this regret typically manifests in her being even more upset at Penumbra and Crescent, how DARE they care more about practicality and their “carefully laid plans” and stupid PROTOCOL than their own brother. Whenever she thinks about her, and Satellite’s own treatment of them, she becomes repulsed with herself. She tries to avoid thinking about it, because it only comes up in her mind when she’s alone sorting the Archives and cataloging new entries, a task they do so effortlessly that the guilt and “what ifs” end up consuming her until she realizes she’s stopped her work entirely and is standing entirely too still with her non-existent stomach turning and her eyes burning, but never fully crying.

The Collector/Cosmos:

Cosmos doesn’t know how to feel about Nebula. On one hand, xey never would have been taken from him and his siblings if xey had simply done what xey were supposed to do, but on the other hand, now that Cosmos is separated from their own siblings, and the culture of other Collectors, he wonders if Nebula would have been proud of them for disagreeing with what he was raised to believe, and managing to escape from the grip it had on them. They’ve heard stories from their older siblings. Penumbra’s stories about xem were typically meant to impress upon him some lesson or to pass on a story that was originally told to Penumbra, as part of the lessons she would teach him, though she avoided speaking about xem in any other context. Crescent’s stories would usually come back to how what xey did was wrong, and how xey put xeir morality above what was actually legal and accepted practice. Satellite loved speaking about Nebula, it was one of the seemingly only guaranteed ways to cheer them up, unless the story was specifically the day xey were arrested, that one was a guaranteed way to make them more upset than anything else he could think of. Solari’s stories were tinged with bitter resentment, though she had good stories about xeir kindness, they would always finish their story with “but xey still choose to break the law and abandon us”. It was all giving mixed messages.

Cosmos had thought that Penumbra was one of their nicest siblings. He loved spending time with her, he enjoyed their lessons, he tried to ignore the slithering feeling of pain he got in his chest whenever he could tell she was annoyed with them. Every time she tiredly redirected them to play with Satellite, Solari, or Crescent when he was there, he pushed down the feeling of agonizing pain in his stomach. He knew Penumbra still loved them, she still was so happy to play with him when she wasn’t busy, to teach him lessons, or read important books to them. That’s what he thought at least. Since they’ve been freed from their prison, he’s had time to reflect on what happened. Even though Satellite was the one that told them about how he was allowed to go play with the Titans, Cosmos knew it was Penumbra who came up with the plan, it was literally her job to direct the rest of them and their missions. She was either the one that came up with the plan to kill all the Titans or at the very least approved of the plan that was otherwise definitely Crescent’s idea. She didn’t bother taking him off the planet after they started. She left them there.

Cosmos loved Crescent very much, the only sibling that never gave them a disappointed look, that never dismissed him, that enjoyed playing games with him, and never yelled at or scared them. Which makes them even more devastated, knowing that she was the one that had all their friends killed. Every baby Titan he befriended died, very likely because of Crescent, either indirectly by the Titan Trappers, or directly by her own hands. It’s very hard for them to hate anyone, but they’ve decided they should hate him. For being so nice, and so kind, only to hurt them in such a hideous way, he knows she, Penumbra, and the twins all were definitely watching him on the planet. They absolutely knew that Papa Titan blamed Cosmos for the missing and dead Titans. They still did nothing to stop him. Eventually he figures out that they all had to have found his disk, and had access to Titan’s blood, and chose not to free him on purpose. The more Cosmos thinks about him, the more upset they get.

Cosmos never had a very good relationship with Satellite. It was confusing, how they seemed to be fine one moment and angry at them the next. It made them feel cautious when Penumbra sent him to play with them, but they were always happy when Satellite was in a good mood to play or talk. They could never tell when they were lying to him about things, but it was always funny when they did because it was never mean or about important things. Cosmos knew Satellite (and Solari) did not get along with Penumbra or Crescent as much as they did, so it makes them wonder if Satellite argued against leaving them on the Titan Planet when they came up with the plan to kill all the Titans, if for no other reason than to just be contrarian to the elder siblings. Cosmos knows that no matter which of their siblings suggested they leave him behind in his disk, it would have to have been approved by the elder two, so ultimately they do not blame the twins for leaving them behind, at least not nearly as much as he blames the others.

Cosmos was even more cautious about Solari than Satellite, being the scariest of their siblings. She could be so mean and they didn’t understand why. When they seemed to be in a good mood she would have him do little tasks for her, going into the Archives to retrieve things for them, which, in hindsight, they now realize she likely could have just magically summoned. But it kept him occupied and taught him about how the Archives were cataloged. She would teach them about each of the creatures and objects that he collected for them. When she was in a bad mood and felt like scaring him was the worst. Sometimes she got so angry that she destroyed things, nothing from the Archive of course, Penumbra would be furious if they did that. But she would smash walls and floors and doors. Sometimes when she broke things, the exploding pieces would hit him. It never really hurt, but she would always immediately apologize and heal them, even if there was never really any damage. Sometimes she would play games with him, her most favorite being the one where they would pick him up with magic and throw them as far into open space as she could, which was mostly fun, though sometimes scary when he was thrown way too far or hit something. It didn’t happen often and he figured a way around both of these issues by counting in their head to a preset number where he would magically stop their flight if he was still going when they reached the number, and they would also use their flight to alter their path to avoid objects. Now that they’re away they wonder if any of their siblings actually loved him.

#the owl house #owl house #toh #toh the archivists #toh the collector #the collector #the archivists #the grand huntsman #toh headcanon #abuse #manipulation #murder #implied child death #toxic family dynamics #child neglect #abandonment #ask to tag #toh spoilers

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fortunatelyenchantingtaco · 2 months

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Love how the mood of basically anyone who decides to write fics for ffxv is “god i love this game but also there are more plotholes than actual plot i need a construction crew” and isnt that the truth lmao. The main reason my reverse au is on a bit of a hiatus is because firstly making ardyn and noctis talk is like pulling nails, and secondly i also in fact need a construction crew for that lore despite already having written down the timeline of events and everything hut its still now enough okay

Its funny how usually ff game have a lot of worldbuilding to go around, but due to cursed production ffxv has been changed so much there are some threads just going fucking nowhere, not even mentioning the whole big plot with the gods. PERSONALLY when writing my reverse au i took an angle that both the crystal and gods and the scourge are probably from space and the reason scourge is here in the first place is because its after the gods. Whcih is also the reason they can’t destroy it and have to rely on crystal and the bloodline that it chose. Like i havent decided if the crystal is also from cosmos or its something inherently from Eos, but gods and scourge are for sure for sure

Like as much as its fun to go and blame everyrhing on rhe gods in ffxv, im actually pretty sure they’re scrambling as much as we do lmao. Like they really kept people in the dark, then Ifrit gave them fire, then people stopped being obedient and sweet and they went to war lmao. And then we see Ardyn corrupting Ifrit, and also the fact that Empire was confident they killed Shiva. It wasn’t true but it’s a good question how close they were. Titan is busy holding the meteor, Leviathan has a horrible personality and would rather chill under the sea. Ive seen people say that Galahad specifically worshipped Ramuh which is why we don’t see him much, with Galahad kinda destoyed and i guess the old man is sad. Garuda is. Well. Scrapped for the collaboration i guess. Odin was demoted to messanger lmao, we just find one sword in game implying he was one of the messangers fighting is astral wars. Bahamut sure is fancy but we see him like once at the end? Also we know he was showing Regis the visions of bad versions of the future, was doing some training or whatever to Noctis in the crystal, and in the dlc conjured Ardyn’s beloved so that she would stab him with a trident

So like yah. Idk i dont think gods in ffxv are in no way omnipotent or even compenent, like genuinely even dominants in xvi have a better grip

So yeah, as much as its tempting to say they are the cause of everything i really dont think they are lmao. We can even assume they genuinely wanted to make Ardyn the king of kings, Somnus just was faster. Im pretty sure all they want is to eradicate scourge cause as much as human are insolent and bla bla bla its much better to have some heretics but still be a god rather than get corrupted

Dont get me wrong i would still prefer them dead esp Bahamut but like. I can in fact believe that they did what they thought would be the best course of actions because to them a thousand years is really not that much. What they did to Ardyn is endlessly fucked up and i want Bahamut dead, and scourge might be here becsuse of them, but its interesting to think they’re grasping as much as we do. That at the end Noctis after ten years in the crystal knows that gods genuinely cant do anything and have no way of saving the world, and unless he does something they die too. Its an interesting thing to think about

#ffxv

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m1ckeyb3rry · 1 year

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STOP! THANK YOU! I love when someone says skmeth8ng about art!

Also drop those spark notes, I’m too impatient 😭🤭

IT’S SO PRETTY YOU’RE SO TALENTED!!! Sorry for taking forever to respond the sparknotes were extensive 😭

OKAY SPARKNOTES TIME:

Swear

— with may ducat’s help, Y/N escapes solitary confinement and they go to help rescue eren from reiner and bertholdt

— Y/N pretends like she reciprocates bertholdt’s feelings so that he lets down his guard and she manages to free eren but is injured in the process, the scream scene is basically the same as it was in promise i think but I’m undecided whether she and eren would’ve kissed and gotten together at that point or not

— the first part of season 3 is also generally the same as promise was except levi is the one that kills rod reiss as he promised to do so right after Eren’s trial and Y/N becoming the commander of the first interior squad wasn’t a surprise, it was actually historia’s condition for becoming queen

— after rod reiss dies, levi gives Y/N a dagger so that in some way or another he’s always protecting her

— she confronts lord maiar (the one she was like engaged to??) and he threatens her life, which allows her to lawfully kill him as because she is his fiancée, by threatening her he is technically attempting to end his own family’s line of succession, so as his fiancée she is able to attempt to kill a family member of equal importance to him as herself (which is him) (it’s complicated but it’s basically the same rule that gave lord maiar control over her father’s family line after he killed her mother, lmk if you want me to add the direct quote explaining the law)

— during return to shiganshina, Y/N is ‘killed’ while fighting the beast titan with levi. floch saves her instead of erwin and levi has to choose between her and armin; he ends up choosing Y/N so she inherits the colossal titan instead of armin

— when they reach the sea, Y/N finds an oyster and decides to keep it because she thinks it’s a cool shell or something idk it’s just a memento for her

— while visiting marley with the scouts, Y/N and levi end up together by themselves while everyone is drunk because they’re the #responsible friends, she asks him if things between them would’ve been different if she wasn’t a lady/noble and he’s surprised but tells her no, eren then leaves as per canon which ofc upsets everyone especially Y/N

— attack on marley follows canon but it’s Y/N instead of armin, sasha is the one who dies at gabi’s hand

— during the table scene eren tells Y/N that she would be nothing without bertholdt and that she took everything from him (she is still wearing the black cloak at that point as well as having the colossal titan) and she also is the reason armin died and she’s unable to protect anyone

— Y/N is the one to find levi and save him from the jaegerists, they are together when the rumbling begins and consider just hiding away but they both know they can’t ofc

— i believe the rest of season 4 would’ve progressed like it did in canon

— once everyone else has been turned into titans and Y/N enters the paths, she meets eren and he tells her that armin was the true savior of humanity before having her open the oyster she found at the sea, revealing a pearl in it (pearls in this story represent justice), Y/N realizes that she has to find justice no matter what and returns to the present timeline

— on falco’s back, she thanks levi for helping her believe in herself, helping her be strong, and for giving her his dagger. She then takes off her black cloak and gives it to him before going into the mouth of Eren’s titan and apologizing before swearing that she won’t leave him ever again

— using Levi’s dagger, she stabs herself through the heart and uses the pain to transform on final time, knowing that it’ll end the curse of Ymir and she won’t be able to regenerate, effectively killing both herself and eren

— the reason why it works is because ymir chose levi to watch over, and when he chose Y/N over armin back in Shiganshina, he chose love over justice; however, when he doesn’t try to stop Y/N from killing herself for justice his mistake is fixed because he chose justice over love the same way that Y/N did

— the first epilogue shows the aftermath of everything, levi marries may ducat, everyone else i’m not quite sure about but i do think i planned on tullia and reiner getting together?? idrk i think that’s one of those things that would’ve developed naturally with the story ykwim

— the second epilogue is Y/N and eren in the afterlife sitting next to each other at the beach; Y/N says that it feels familiar and asks eren if there’s any universe where they’re happy

— eren tells her that them meeting and losing each other in every universe is inevitable while they watch scenes from their past lives reflected in the water; the scream scene from promise comes up and eren tells Y/N that that was the moment that their fates were set in stone because his soul formed a contract with hers, causing the repetition of their reincarnation cycle

— eren reveals that the reason why things never work out for them is because they are not each other’s soulmates; Y/N’s soulmate is levi but she is forced to be apart from him because of the promise eren made to her. however because she made the choice to die with eren instead of fully losing him, she has the chance to break free from the promise and be with her actual soulmate. the visions in the water change to show her having a peaceful and/or happy life with levi, but she refuses, saying she doesn’t care about who her soulmate is as she only wants eren

— they sit in silence for a while before eren warns her that she’s condemning herself to an eternity of pain if she continues to abide by the contract as there’s no chance for them to ever be happy together and there might not be another opportunity for her to break free from it again. Y/N says that she can bear any amount of pain as long as he finds her in every life they lead; eren swears he will and she swears to always stay by his side, as long as she can

— they sit for a little while longer and contemplate things and wonder where they will go next; they end up hugging, Y/N asks if they can stay there together for a little while longer, to which Eren agrees and says there’s no rush

Hostis Humani Generis

— this fic was tough because the problem with Y/N Ackerman is that she was just too strong; several of the problems in canon simply wouldn’t have occurred if she was there

— most of the fic followed canon; jean had a crush on Y/N and mikasa liked eren, tullia reiss was in love with armin and he loved her as well (they had a relationship)

— the ackermans don’t have hosts but they are born with innate protective desires and wills to fight; they usually associate their desire with one person, hence the host misconception, as it’s usually someone who they have strong feelings for — for Y/N in this fic it was tullia reiss as Y/N was illiterate due to coming from the underground and tullia taught her how to read and write so that she wasn’t kicked out of the cadet corps

— right after trost, it’s revealed that levi is Y/N’s ‘brother’ (to the characters, obviously we as the readers know based on context clues), levi tells her that farlan and isabel are dead and that she should stop going by “Y/N Church” as that’s not really her last name and it’s okay to not have a last name as he doesn’t either

— post-stohess, Y/N sees eren and mikasa together right after he wakes up so she decides to leave the room as she believes eren deserves better than her and she thinks that eren and mikasa are in love (she knew that mikasa cared for eren since the cadet corp but didn’t think eren liked mikasa back until just then)

— during the scream scene, Y/N confesses all of her crimes — of which there are MANY because she was a little murderer in the underground — and tells him that she probably deserves to die for everything she’s done. Eren gets angry and tells her that she can’t die because she is the kind of person that will change the world someday. She is in disbelief, and he tells her that they will do it together before punching dina

— the only super notable thing that happens in the first half of season 3 is that Y/N sees Kenny again, revealing that he is her father (again, to the characters — it was obvious to the readers based on context clues) and finds out that she is an Ackerman as well as discovering that although levi isn’t her literal brother, he IS her biological cousin

— oh wait also tullia reiss is denied the throne in favor of historia because the military officials thought she would be too hard to control and she was too close to rod reiss as a child; they are afraid she will turn on them somehow

— during return to shiganshina and the conflict between choosing erwin and armin, Y/N gets into a fight with mikasa for pinning levi — she is loyal to her brother above all else and doesn’t give the others time to convince him to pick armin, leading to erwin being revived instead (i promise i don’t hate armin LMAOO idk why he dies in shiganshina in both fics)

— when zeke is trapped in the forest with levi, tullia somehow manages to inherit his titan, severely injuring levi in the process (he’s in a similar state as in canon); her beast titan has a deer-like form

— it turns out that Y/N, tullia, and eren have been planning to start the rumbling, and with tullia inheriting the beast from zeke, she fulfills the requirement of a royal-blooded titan. during the battle in shiganshina, Y/N manages to block gabi’s shot, so eren reaches tullia unharmed after she screams and they go into the paths and start the rumbling with 0 fuss

— Y/N wanted the rumbling because she didn’t want anything to hurt her brother or her friends, eren wanted it for freedom and safety for his friends and somewhat for himself?? and tullia wanted it to get revenge on the world for what they suffered and for what was taken from her (they are not meant to be seen as morally just reasons LMAO that’s just how they justify it to themselves)

— Y/N disappears at this point while the rest of the characters do what they did in canon

— when mikasa breaks into the mouth of eren’s titan, she finds Y/N is there waiting for her; once again, they get into a fight, which Y/N wins. Y/N taunts mikasa by reminding her of what happened in shiganshina and how Y/N won, how she will always win in any match between the two of them because she is stronger. She almost kills mikasa but at the last moment lets her go, remembering that they are sisters in a sense due to being from the same family

— once the rumbling is completed, the genocidal trio emerges and they are immediately punished for their crimes; eren is fed to reiner, tullia to erwin, and Y/N is locked away in prison for the rest of her life

— the epilogue is Y/N reflecting on her time in prison. She hasn’t spoken since the day that eren and tullia were executed — the only thing she does is sit in the jail cell and think. She remembers that reiner used to visit and sit with her in silence (likely because he had some sympathy for her) but he hadn’t come for some years; it’s implied that this is because his term ended and somebody else got his titans as the curse of ymir was not ended. Jean used to visit her due to being in love with her; his last visit is her telling her he married mikasa, and he never comes back afterwards. Connie occasionally comes just to yell at her.

— at one point, people trying to revive the jaegerist cause broke her out of prison in the hopes that she will help them overthrow the government and the monarchy, but all she did was sit in the grass until she was caught and sent back to the jail cell. she is very apathetic about life now that the rumbling is over and doesn’t seem to care about anything or react to anyone

— despite how many years it has been, levi has never visited Y/N. as she thinks that, the story returns to the present and levi appears in his wheelchair. he tells her that she looks awful and, in the first time in years, she speaks, begging him to kill her. he unlocks the door to her jail cell and enters it, she sits at his feet and lays her head in his lap like she used to when she was a child; beginning to cry, she asks him if he hates her now

— he tells her that although she might have been an enemy of humanity, she would always be his little sister. she closes her eyes and smiles slightly; he wipes away her tears and then stabs her in the back

— fun fact: Y/N escaped the underground because she wanted to see the sun; however, she spends the last few years and honestly probably the majority of her life in the dark/underground, even dying there. at least she had her brother in her final moments?? lol

#answered asks #the great m1ckeyb3rry cleanse #this is so much LMAOOO #but here are how i planned for swear and hostis humani generis to end!!#if you guys want the endings to any other victims of the great m1ckeyb3rry cleanse lmk and i will do my best to sparknotes it

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dragonmasterkaylz · 1 year

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Attack on Titan 2- Character Sheet

Name: Kayleigh Gregson

Age: 15

Birth Date: March 25th, 835

Place of Birth: Wall Maria, Shinganshina

Height: 5’7 / 170cm

Regiment: Scouts

Squad: Special Operations Squad (Levi Squad)

Best Friends: Sasha Braus, Mikasa Ackerman, Jean Kirstein and Petra Ral.

Mentor: Levi Ackerman.

Enemy: Reiner Braun (Until Part 2 of Season 4)

Eventual Spouse: Reiner Braun.

Headcannon ENG VA: Anne Yatco.

Headcannon JP VA: Miyuki Sawashiro.

Personality:

You will have never met someone as sweet, kind and as understanding as Kayleigh. She can be a little shy when it comes to meeting new people, especially people as eccentric as Hanji. She also finds hard to adjust to new places and at times, her nerves can get the better of her. However, on the battlefield, that all changes. She becomes a true team leader, especially when no one else is willing to stand up and take that position. She may not be as intelligent as Armin, but she isn’t stupid either. She’s able to make decisions based on the situation, even if it’s not easy to do so. She’s far from reckless as well and will never go head to head against a Titan without some kind of plan. And, she isn’t above disciplining and lecturing one of her fellow comrades if she needs to. This is always to help them see that they have to continue fighting on, even if the end result isn’t so pleasant.

Scores:

Fighting Ability- 7/10

ODM Gear Skills- 9/10

Leadership- 8/10

Relationships with her Comrades- 10/10

Trust- 10/10

Cleaning Ability- 8/10

Intellect- 6/10 (Depends)

Fear of the Titans- 2/10

Titan Slaying Skills- 8/10

Opinions of Her:

Eren Jaeger: She’s a really sweet girl, even helped me out while I was in the Special Operations Squad. But, if I’m being completely honest… she scares me sometimes! Her skills are amazing! I don’t really want to get on her bad side!

Mikasa Ackerman: She’s a true leader. I’m honestly surprised that her main goal is to keep her fellow comrades and friends alive. I wish we had met her when we were kids. We did all live in Shinganshina after all~.

Armin Arlert: Kayleigh’s a very kind person, always looking out for us. But she doesn’t give off that Goddess-vibe, like Christa. Of course, she cares for us, but it’s more like she sees us as her family.

Levi Ackerman: There’s a reason why I chose her to be apart of the Special Operations Squad. She really impressed me in our mission to wipe out the Titans in Trost, even saving the lives of my fellow comrades. She was going to see the mission through to the end and she wasn’t concerned about her kill count or anything as trivial as that. She’s a natural-born leader and that’s all there is to it. Also… her cleaning skills put the others to shame and she makes good tea.

Sasha Braus: She’s my best friend!!! Has been since the first day of Cadet Corps. She ever volunteered to run with me after Shadis gave me that punishment… hehe. She even gave me some of her leftovers after she had dinner… since I wasn’t allowed to eat for an entire week. Ohhh… that was the worst punishment!

Jean Kirstein: Honestly, when I first met her, I did think her ODM skills could do with some work… and after some training with me, she was suddenly a lot better than I was! I didn’t think it was possible at the time, but she’s very much aware of how much fuel she has left, as well as how many blades. She pays attention to things like that! I couldn’t ask for a better comrade if I’m being completely honest!

Petra Ral: When the Captain told us that we were getting a new comrade, who had just come out of the 104th Cadet Corps, I was honestly surprised. But after seeing her in action, I know why he chose her! She’s not only skilled in combat, but she cares for all of us! Sometimes I think that she and Oruo have a rivalry that even she doesn’t know about yet. Also… I think Levi treats her like his own daughter~! Hehe~!

Hanji Zoë: Kayleigh is by far the most capable and kindest girl I’ve ever met. She even helps me catch Titans, without me asking her to! Unlike the rest of the Levi Squad, she wants to help me further my studies! Yahooo! I adore her so much!!!

Erwin Smith: I’ve never met such a kind Scout in my life. Usually, after a few missions, some of them turn sour but not her. She does have a bad habit of thinking about her comrades lives more than her own. But other than that, she’s a model soldier and I wish a lot of the other Scouts would follow her example.

Fun Facts:

She always wears a pink silk scarf that her Father bought for her when she was younger. Taking it off isn’t an option for her. The only time she will is when she’s going to sleep.

She always wears her green cloak, even out of battle, and people often wonder why. The only three people who know are Mikasa, Sasha and Petra. And they won’t tell people why she always wears it. It’s strictly confidential!

Levi tends to dote on her more than the other Cadets, not even realising that he does so. Usually, Hanji will point out that he’s like a Father to her and he will deny it with ever fibre of his being. But if she ever gets hurt… God help the Titan or person who did hurt her.

She carries a journal with her that is absolutely top secret. She likes to put in her thoughts about other people and also about what she’s learned from the higher ups, especially from Commander Erwin. Only Hannes has ever seen what’s inside and he was very impressed with her attention to detail. She has said made it very clear though, that if she ever dies, she wants it to go straight to the higher up of the Scout Regiment, as she believes it will be very useful to their cause.

She holds her blades a certain way so she can perform her own special technique, which wasn’t taught. She learnt it all on her own and is very proud of it. Most people believe that her special technique is a lot like Levi’s, but it couldn’t be any further from it. This technique does allow her to go a lot faster, however she can go from Titan to Titan without taking a scratch with this technique. The first time she ever used it was in Trost to save Jean.

She had a huge crush on Reiner, until it was soon revealed that he was the enemy and she was heartbroken for days after that. Mikasa and Sasha tried to cheer her up, but nothing worked. She felt betrayed and she hated the feeling.

Her Past:

As a young girl, she was a delight to be around and she had admired the Scouts from day one. Exactly a year before Wall Maria was destroyed, she talked her Mother into seeing the Scouts off to their mission and told her that she had a present for ‘Humanities Strongest Soldier’. Helen agreed to watch them and Kayleigh walked up to Levi, giving him a silk cravat that her Father had brought back from Wall Sina. He was surprised, but he took it from her, patting her head as he did so. “Thanks”. “You’re welcome, sir!”

‘I sure hope a sweet girl like her doesn’t intent to join the Scouts’.

A year later, tragedy struck and she watched as the Armoured Titan broke down the inner gate of Wall Maria. A large boulder crushed both of her parents right in front of her and she was carried onto a boat by a Garrison Soldier. Once there, she heard Eren’s speech about destroying the Titans and vowed to do the same to avenge her parents. After many years had passed, she joined the Cadet Corps and vowed to become a Scout. She didn’t get into the top ten, but she wanted to become a Scout nonetheless.

That’s when her actual story starts….

Other Characters She’s Like:

Rias Gremory- Highschool DxD

Strict but fair when it comes to Leadership. She will put her comrades in difficult situations, but she will never let them die.

Asuka- Senran Kagura

Especially kind and sweet, but serious when it comes to her training. Will follow her friends to the very end. She’s also hardworking, but can be clumsy at times.

Dean Winchester- Supernatural

She’s a good fighter and won’t ever give up, but she’s willing to die for her friends. But you don’t want to make her angry. That adorable and sweet look can go the second she’s been betrayed or hurt. And if you ever ask her if she’s okay, she’ll lie to you… because she’s not. She just doesn’t want to talk about it. She hates worrying people, especially Captain Levi, so she won’t say anything until she explodes one day.

Harley Quinn- Suicide Squad

Once again, she’s a good fighter… but once she’s backed into a corner, she won’t hesitate to kill people in order to survive. She’s also incredibly athletic and flexible, as well as strong. She’s loyal to her friends, no matter what and will help them… even if she had to get her hands dirty and go a little crazy.

In Conclusion…

She’s the most adorable and sweet girl in the Scout Regiment, but she’s also very determined and will fight for her friends until the bitter end. She follows orders, no matter how much she might disagree with them. And everyone believes that she’s the only one who can defeat the Armoured Titan, because of her strong will to avenge her parents. Everyone who has ever met her, likes her and believes that she’s what they all need to keep them all motivated. Sure, she didn’t give a speech like Eren did, but it’s not like she had to. She’s a leader, which is why she was excepted by her comrades in the Special Operations Tactical Squad. They all believe that she has a strength within that no one else can claim. Something stronger than revenge. Something stronger than being Humanities Strongest Soldier. All she has in her fragile heart is love. That is what humanity needs to survive. Love.

Thanks for Reading~!!!

#attack on titan #attack on titan 2 game #attack on titan oc #don’t like don’t read

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darklcy · 3 years

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𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 - 𝙖. 𝙖

attack on titan masterlist

pairing: 𝙖𝙧𝙢𝙞𝙣 𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙚𝙧𝙩 𝙭 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧

genre: angst w/ no fluff, unrequited love

summary: you've loved him since the beginning. you were always there for him and you figured maybe one day he'd feel the same way for you.

word count: 1.2k

A/N: this marks my first post on heree yayy. this is a oneshot actually from my archive, i posted it about a year ago (?) i think, shortly after part 1 was done. but we’re starting this blog right off with angst >:) hope you enjoy <3

It was painful.

You couldn't use simple words to describe the emotions that tortured you with each passing day.

How did it end up like this?

Weren't you supposed to enlist in the military for a normal reason like everyone else?

Truth be told, your family had a history with relatives living as soldiers in the Garrison, protecting the walls and patrolling the outer cities. It was a legacy, so to speak. And fortunately for you, you fell right under that trap and your parents pushed you to join at age twelve, entering the 104th regiment.

...The same unit as him.

The same boy you wished would just look at you, the same way he looked at her.

It was childish, really. A hopeless crush was all it was.

The two of you started off as innocent friends, occasionally eating together and practicing training sessions as partners. You eventually learned about his childhood, how his grandfather left him to die a lonesome death and the destruction of his hometown. His soulful eyes bore into yours as he retold those horror stories, his voice trembling and shoulders wavering. You comforted him while those memories flashed back in front of him, wrapping him up in a safe embrace and murmuring words of affirmation.

When you found out about his desire to join the Survey Corps, your heart caught itself in a dilemma. Do you follow him or do you continue the wishes of your family?

Ultimately, you decided, maybe for once you could do something you wanted to do. So you followed him.

You didn't want to lose what you two had; he was too precious and important to you.

Because surely he felt the same way about you, right?

Then...why was he always visiting her?

Why did he always disappear for hours at a time each day to go see her?

Annie Leonhart...the female titan who enclosed herself in a crystal capsule, protecting her from the interrogations the world had prepared just for her.

The girl who graduated 4th in the top ten and joined the Military Police to move into Wall Sina. If you remembered correctly, her reason for enrolling into the brigade...

"...I want to live a nice, quiet life within the safety of the walls. I don't believe any other reason is necessary..."

When you first heard this, you thought of her as a coward. While everyone else was journeying beyond the walls to fight titans for the safety of the citizens, she was cowering on the inside..? You had to laugh.

It almost made no sense to you until her true identity was revealed to the world.

The female titan...she killed many of your comrades, including Captain Levi's squad and a handful of the veteran soldiers.

She was a murderer. A cold-blooded murderer.

But even still...he kept his eyes on her. Despite all that's happened, he's never strayed away from her.

After all the events following the Trost invasion, the secrets of Reiner and Bertholdt, the operation to re-take Wall Maria, the annihilation of more than half the Survey Corps...

Him inheriting the Colossal Titan...

In the end, he never chose you. He never gave you a chance.

But perhaps that was your fault. Ironically, you were the one who was a coward.

To him, you were just a close friend. The one he could lean on and spill his secrets to. The one who was always there to comfort him and give him advice.

But never the one who won his heart.

You were too scared to reveal your feelings for him in fear of ruining your friendship, and the bond you two shared was more important than some pesky crush.

You could settle with living like this right? You can save your friendship by never telling him the truth, right?

Life was unfair, you concluded. It was as if the universe was just dangling him right in front of your face.

One night you grabbed a tray of food to eat for dinner like usual, sitting down at a vacant table across from Mikasa and Eren, yet he was nowhere to be found.

"Hey, have you seen Armin?"

The only response you got were some shaky heads. Asking for Mikasa to save your spot, you rose from the table and exited the room. Trotting down the halls, you searched for the blonde in hopes he would turn up, mumbling an excuse that he was busy reading or something. You wished that was what was holding him up, but...

..As you turned a corner, you spotted him walking over to a particular room, grabbing hold of the door handle and slowly entering. Your stomach twisted when you noticed just where he was headed. It was the room Annie was currently resting in.

You couldn't hold yourself back. Stepping forward, you too latched onto the door and swung it open, following him into the room. Tiptoeing lightly down the steps, you quieted your breath by holding your sleeve to your nose. Your body froze when he started to speak.

"Hey, Annie...

Today, Niccolo cooked some lobsters for us. We've never tasted it before. it was unlike anything I've ever eaten. Sasha practically ate all of it until Connie and Jean stopped her...Or tried to, anyway.

But apparently lobster is a creature that lives in the ocean. Isn't that crazy? To think that there are other organisms living in those waters just underneath us...Who knows what type of stuff is down there!"

The arm against your face shook softly, your nose beginning to heat up.

It wasn't fair. None of it was fair.

"We also received more information about the weaponry used in Marley. Yelena and Onyakobon explained a lot of their weapons and aircrafts to Commander Hange and Captain Levi, although, we couldn't help but listen in.

I wonder...what it must've been like for you three to grow up there. It sounds so different compared to how we lived..."

You couldn't hear this anymore. It hurt too much.

Turning on a heel, you stepped up the stairs and blocked out the rest of the conversation to the best of your ability.

The others questioned you on where you've been once you returned to the mess hall, not missing the fact that he wasn't with you. You just shrugged your shoulders and ate your dinner quietly.

His little habit of visiting Annie was something he never spoke of to you. Or anyone, for that matter.

It was his little secret, or so he thought.

Nowadays, he doesn't talk to you as much as he used to. Although, the whole aura of your 104th comrades differed greatly compared to the trainee days. If only you could go back...

Maybe you would've said something. Maybe you could've opened up to him and let him hear your feelings. Maybe he would've returned them, and then you wouldn't be having this problem now.

But no. That was just a distant fantasy, one too far for you to reach.

This was reality.

"I'm sorry [First], but I don't love you..."

Harsh, unfair, reality.

#attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #armin arlert #armin arlet imagines #armin arlert x reader #armin x reader #angst #angst with a sad ending #aot #aot x reader #unrequited love #annie leonhart

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thefreakishmuffin · 3 years

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Let’s examine the dynamic between Hunter and Luz, Part 2

Whoop this is gonna be a long one as well...

Note that some of this may drift a little bit away from analyzing solely Hunter and Luz’s dynamic, but I promise I’ll always circle back to it.

Link to part 1 is right here

Last we left off, Luz and Hunter have decided to join forces in a truce to thwart Kikimora’s plans to give Emperor Belos the palismen herself. On a wall, Luz draws a fire glyph and an ice glyph and connects them together. Intrigued, Hunter states that he’s never seen a spell like this before, and asks what it will do. Luz begins explaining how it’ll work, only for Hunter to pick up on what she’s doing halfway through and finish the explanation for her. Luz looks at him, thoroughly surprised that he has such knowledge.

Hunter apologizes for interrupting and states that he read about a similar spell in a book about Wild Magic, which happens to be a book Luz has read as well. Hunter seems surprised in turn when realizing him and Luz share a common interest in Wild Magic. He starts to have what I call a “nerd moment”, where he’s starting to get really excited about what he’s talking about. He mentions that these glyphs look very similar to magic that was once practiced back in the Savage Ages. He seems almost thrilled to be talking to someone else who’s interested in Wild Magic, which is something he can’t talk freely about in the Emperors Coven, lest he receive abuse from Belos.

However, his smile fades and he cuts himself off, saying that information on Wild Magic is restricted for a reason, and that Luz ought to stop messing around with it before she gets hurt.

And here is something that strikes me as interesting; Hunter’s family is supposedly gone because of Wild Magic. So if that’s the case, then why is he so fascinated with Wild Magic himself, to the point where it’s something he even greatly enjoys studying and talking about? I can’t really think of any other good reason for this, other than the idea that when Belos mentioned their family, he was really talking about his own family, since it’s alluded that Hunter was likely “adopted” to Belos’ family in a way.

After Hunter tells Luz to stop messing with Wild Magic, Luz tells him that, outside of Lilith, she’s never talked to anyone from the Emperors Coven before. And asks what made him want to join? Hunter looks genuinely surprised. It doesn’t seem like he’s ever been asked this question before. Looking away from Luz, perhaps in a sense of shame, he admits that he’s a powerless witch, and that most of his ancestors were. He never felt like he’d ever have a future in their world. That is until Belos found him and took him in, and gave him a staff with artificial magic, telling Hunter that the Titan had “big plans” for him.

Let’s go over a little analysis here. Hunter says that Belos found him. This is the statement that leads many of us to believe that the two of them aren’t actually blood-related. However, to me it still seems odd that Hunter would call Belos his uncle. Perhaps Belos wanted Hunter to call him uncle? Maybe, but it still seems odd to me for Belos to take in this random young boy as his family. Especially when Belos refers to their family as being the same thing. Part of me believes that perhaps Belos is his biological uncle, but he was estranged from the family. Either way, it’s an interesting bit.

And we also have a better understanding as to why Hunter stays in the Emperor’s Coven (besides everything I went over in my post analyzing his dynamic with Emperor Belos). The Emperor gave him a purpose in his life, giving him magic when he never had any. Giving him a title, and making him important. This all likely seemed wonderful to Hunter at first, but as we see later on it comes with a definite price.

Alright back to Hunter’s dynamic with Luz...

Luz listens to what Hunter has to say, and she sits beside him saying, “It must be nice to have your future planned out for you.” To which Hunter responds, “At least you get to plan your own.” It’s this exchange right here that really shows how Hunter feels about his situation. He wants to be free to decide what he wants to do with his life, but he’s now found himself bound to the Emperor’s Cult Coven, tied to a future he’s not sure he even wants. More than anything, Hunter wants to be free. This is the deepest desire of his heart.

And how do I know this? Because right after he speaks right here, Little Rascal, the red cardinal palisman, shows up and comes right to him. Palisman are drawn toward like-minded souls, and the palisman at Hexside chose someone after they shared their deepest wish. This palisman wants freedom, just like Hunter, and this is why he chooses to become his palisman at the end of the episode. (Not to mention Rascal was trying to run away and ‘be free’ at the beginning of the episode).

Okay, again, back to Hunter and Luz’s dynamic...

After their little conversation, Luz and Hunter team up and Luz prepares to cast the spell. Tough hesitant at first, gives Hunter his staff. He asks if she’s sure, and she puts her trust in him. He takes back his staff and Luz activates the glyphs. The plan goes well and Kikimora’s hand dragon falls from the sky, both with her and the palismen as well. But as soon as Luz goes to make sure the palismen are okay, Hunter is ready to betray her, activating his staff and pointing it right at her.

Luz, however, isn’t angry with him. She’s clearly not happy with him here, but she’s not angry. But rather hurt and disappointed. She asks Hunter if he’s really willing to give up innocents to Belos. Luz then delivers this important and impactful line to Hunter: “I thought that maybe you were a good guy. But I guess I was wrong. You’re not my friend. You’re just the Golden Guard.”

That last comment seems to deeply hurt him. The idea of just being the Golden Guard and losing himself to that false identity is a scary thing for him to think about. So, in that moment, he lowers his staff, removes his mask, and finally reveals his true name to Luz. Hunter did this because he finally got to connect with someone for probably the first time in his life. And I mean really connect with someone. He was starting to feel like someone saw him for him, and not the Golden Guard. So when Luz said that he’s just the Golden Guard, he was hurt, and immediately decided to try and change that. he didn’t want the one person he’s been able to connect with to know him as a title. He wanted her to know him as a person. And what better way to do that than start by telling someone your name?

Luz gasps when Hunter reveals to her his real name. But why? Was it because she saw the good in him, and maybe thought he was having a change of heart? Or was it because he was suddenly sharing such a personal piece of himself? I’m not quite sure on that part.

But this moment is cut short when a very disoriented Kikimora tries to attack Luz and Hunter. Hunter is quick to defend Luz, once again showing great fighting skill, and allows a now conflicted and troubled Luz to get away. Both of them are now not sure what to make of the other. Are they friends now? Are they still enemies? Neither one of them seems entirely sure.

And the last bit I want to touch upon here is how at the end of the episode where Kikimora asks Hunter how he survived the ship crash. He simply tells her he was helped by local travelers. Notice how he consciously chooses not to rat out Luz. Just a few hours ago he was ready to arrest her and even threatened her life, but now he’s making an effort to defend and keep her safe.

These two characters are some of the most interesting in the entire series so far, and the dynamic between these two is only going to get more and more interesting the more time goes on, and the more often they are able to meet.

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scare-you · 3 years

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Eren said it himself, he wanted his friends, all of them to live a long and happy life. He knew they will never be left alone, the hate would never stop. Was he going the extra mile with the rumbling? Most likely. But with his friends and the rest of the shifters topping him, he made sure they would be left alone.

He reached his original goal as well, there are no more titans.

He told Mikasa to move on in their very last conversation. That scenario was never ever going to be real, with Eren and Mikasa hiding. But deep down both Eren and Mikasa wanted that. He still told her to move on and forget about him, and only confessed his true feelings, thoughts and desires about Mikasa once Armin literally punched him and demanded him to do so. He is a 19 year old boy with selfish desires, but he hid them, swallowed them all, and chose the option best for his friends, knowing he would never gain anything out of it, he would never see them achieve that freedom which he gave up on, and he will never get to be happy with them and Mikasa ever again. So yes, Isayama did what he promised. He gave us a bittersweet, beautiful ending.

But most characters achieved their goals too:

Reiner can stop fighting at last and reunited with both his friends in Paradis and in Marley, without hurting or disappointing his mother, who was happy for him not being a walking weapon with a limited life-span anymore.

Falco got to stay with Gabi and protect her, and they will most likely be happy together forever.

Annie reunited with her father and now can stop fighting too.

Armin will see the world, he now has the chance, he can also be with Annie.

Pieck doesn't have to worry about her father's pain of losing her daughter anymore.

Jean will be able to settle down.

Connie's mom is okay.

Historia seems happy, and as she knew of Eren's intentions, she chose to not reveal them. She may not have made the best decision, but she was living her own life with her own choices. In the end, she has a beautiful daughter which she genuinely loves and will be able to give her a childhood she did not get.

Levi can be at peace, he did not disappoint his comrades.

Mikasa will be able to move on. It was Eren's deathday, and she wanted to be by his side. Is it hard to let go after loving him for so long? Definitely. But her last smile seems convincing enough that she is accepting the results of her choice and WILL be able to move on, even if it will hurt for a long time.

Ymir's motive became extremely simple and heartbreaking.

It was shown in a few panels how she observed couples longingly. She wanted love. She wanted someone to care about her, she did not want to be a nameless slave anymore, but just like those couples, someone else's other half. A little girl always dreams of the strongest, most unreachable ones (just like we dream of celebrities as young teenagers), and with a good amount of toxicity and morbidness, she became attached to her oppressor. She saw a chance with her new-found powers to make him love her, but she remained a concubine, a slave, and had to endure him loving different women, while he only "loved" her because of the things she'd done for the Eldians. Even as she died, she remained a slave, as Fritz said it himself.

Ymir was bound not by being a slave in life, but being a slave to her own foolish love, desperately trying to get Fritz's love even after she was technically free in Paths, thus serving the royal family in order to keep herself close to what remained of Fritz, their legacy. As Eren said, she really wasn't a god nor was she a devil. She was just a girl who stumbled upon great powers. The power of the titans did not set her free, because she remained a person with her own stupid and selfish desires.

Mikasa set her free because she showed her how to let go. She did the exact opposite of what Ymir did. Mikasa, even if she will grieve for a long time, will be free, while Ymir remained a slave for 2000 years until she was finally able to let go of everything that she deemed important in order to earn Fritz's love: the Titans and everything that came with it.

I will go down with this ending as it indeed is beautiful and bittersweet.

#snk 139 #snk chapter 139 #eren #mikasa #eremika #jean kirstein #armin arlert #connie springer #reiner braun #annie leonhardt #attack on titan

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starshipsofstarlord · 4 years

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A Stark Contrast | Bucky Barnes

Summary; living in the shadow of Tony, your brother, always was the way, and you accepted it. That was until he expected you to sign the accords, that was one thing that you couldn’t do.

Warnings; Angst, mentions of death, mentions of being controlled, funeral, mourning, anger

The form, bound in a weighty book laid on the table, making the room fill with utmost tension. Tony was hellbent on signing the thing, and handing away any freedom that all of you had.

No matter how long you had supported him, this was not one subject that you could agree with him on. Whilst you understood his perspective, it would only end up with you in a hamster wheel, running around and following the orders of executives.

They wanted less destruction. To put boundaries around their country’s heroes, and limit them to the lengths they could go to in order to save lives.

That was also wrong, the entire ordeal had you bent backwards with a conflict of interests. On one hand, it would be ordinary to sign for such a cause, whether you trusted their backgrounds or not, simply because your elder sibling had.

There was nobody that you trusted more than Tony, he had half raised you after your parents were killed, you felt indebted to him. But being an avenger, on a team where your personal opinion had been valued, it opened your eyes to a whole range of possibilities.

Whilst you were loyal to Tony, you had also became in tune with your own gut. It grumbled at the prospect of giving in to a contract, which decided what you were permitted to do. It was like a child’s parent permission slip, but on a much grander scale.

“People died!” He reminded the lot of you again, which inclined you to look down. There was blood on all of your hands, and he was making it as red as it could possibly be seen. “At least y/n agrees with me.” He reprimanded Steve, whom was still far on the fence regarding the entire ordeal.

Once he said that, all eyes had shifted towards you. Nat had already basically given in to your brother’s convictions, and Steve suspected that you would do the same. You were always one step behind Tony, you were far too loyal to your sibling for your own good.

“I have yet to make up my mind.” You spoke, standing, no longer wishing to be in the room where there was far too much tension. How you wished Banner and Thor were here, they would make an equal divide. The God of Thunder would not scribble his signature upon the paper, you thought to yourself, if he knew their reasons and affects.

However, your words were taken as an assumption that you would join your sibling in providing a peaceful surrender. It is what he and the public would assume of you, and to be truthful, you were tired of sticking to the stereotypes that were made of you.

“I’m surprised that you came.” Steve spoke, as you opened the boot of your car, and revealed the shield that he was so often adorned with, as well as Sam’s wings. He, like most others, had suspected that you would join your brother in his guilt ridden cause, however, thinking for yourself gave you a sense of freedom.

“Don’t be so quick to prevail into what everyone else thinks of me.” You smirked at the captain, your eyes drifting over to the other super soldier, whom had temporarily been imprisoned by the government.

But he had escaped, and if luck was not often a Stark trait, Tony would have died. You had watched from the cameras, but you could boil no bad blood in between the pair of you, Barnes was not in his right mind. He was controlled, and put into a incomprehensible mode of himself. That was, unless, he had managed to kill Tony.

Then you would have changed your own deciding mind, and stuck to what the eldest Stark believed in. “I won’t, ever again.” Sam smiled, picking up redwing from the composed pile, and kissing the machine.

“Bucky.” You reiterated his name, the one that he had chosen to correct the unknown and deceiving man on. The nod you earnt was brief, but it gave you a sense of hope that whirled in your middle.

It was clear that he was an attractive man, and alike his righteous friend, he was frozen through time to be in this current moment. As Sam and Steve began to get their things together, you walked over to the historical stranger, a smile upon your face. “I’m y/n Stark, I don’t believe we have had the fortune of meeting before.”

“You sure do speak like a Stark.” He softly spoke, a matching smile on his brawn face. “And you seem to have other things in common, like that necklace.” At his words, you looked down at it, a hint of anguish within your gaze.

“It belonged to my mother.” It was nice to reminisce about her for a moment, you knew that she would have made her own decisions too. In some retrospect, you were following in her footsteps.

A feeling grew in the back of Bucky’s throat, but he said nothing. If he were to spill, or reveal his dark secret, it would mean nothing more than the loss of a powerful asset, they could not afford that right now.

“Do you ever think about what would have happened if you got to return home?” It had been a stressful day, fighting your friends, and your last living family member. Bucky turned at your words, you had saved him from being killed, he felt indebted.

“Probably do what every other soldier did; find a woman to marry and have kids. But that’s far out of the picture in this modern age.” Steve was flying the aircraft as you and Bucky spoke in the back. It gave the two of you a moment alone, and you were truly knowing as though you knew the soldier.

He was a good man, misinterpreted by the deeds that he was controlled to do. No one chose to have pity on Barnes, they instead viewed him as a country danger, and wanted to lock him up in a cage, which was how he had come so far in the first place.

“I wouldn’t say that.” For a moment, you looked into his deep blue eyes, feeling as though he were freezing you with them. He didn’t want to look away, but you were inclined to, for you could feel the contrasts of hot and cold heat working its way up your neck, and onto your face. “There’s definitely a woman that would want all that and more with you.”

If things were simpler, you would be convinced that you could share such an intimate bond with him, but alas, everything had to be complicated. And if things could work out, they surely couldn’t last.

“We’re here.” Steve informed the both of you, as he slid out of his front seat, and you prepared to finish this for once and for all.

“How could you?!” You couldn’t defend him as Tony blasted him away, Bucky had played you, and done so well. He and Steve knew of the blood on his hands, and yet they hadn’t thought once to inform you of the one true treachery regrading you.

Bucky had killed your mother, from the intake of information alone, you felt sick. Physically sick. But you choked it down, and as Steve unsurely came towards you, you ran at him, angered by his lies.

From the start, the patriot of America, someone you had considered a friend had deceived you. You had helped him, stood with him, fought your friends for him, and not to mention Tony, and he had known all along.

“Y/n-”

“Save your apologies Rogers.” You stared him down, as he had Bucky held up by one arm, seeing as Barnes had lost one of his own again. “And you, you’re right, there’s no perfect picture, you’re nothing but a monster.”

“Listen.” Steve commanded, but you couldn’t. He was no longer considered your captain, he was a sick liar who had helped to break you. This was the last time that you made your own decisions. Tony was always right.

“You don’t deserve that shield, my father made that. It’s government property-” swiftly he dropped said item, an exhausted and tiresome expression upon Steve’s helmet wearing face.

As soon as they trudged by, you instantly went to Tony, checking his wounds. “You were right brother, I should have listened to you.”

“Your dad loved cheeseburgers too.” You laughed lightly to Morgan, blinking back the tears. It was Tony’s funeral, there were so many people here, even Fury, but there was someone else, who was walking towards you. “Why don’t you go and ask Happy, I have some business that I have to tend to quickly.”

“Okay auntie y/n.” She ran off. She was so innocent, she didn’t deserve to be going to her father’s funeral at five years old, it was truly cruel. But that was just the way the world worked, and Tony was a hero.

“Hi.” Bucky spoke, adorned in all black, same as you. It had been a long time since you had seen him, not since he was being carried away by Steve. You hadn’t fought in Wakanda, instead you had ended up on Titan with your brother, and you would have surely died without him.

“Hey Barnes.” You greeted him with a forced smile, but nevertheless allowed him to step closer.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” He said, the guilt still burning behind his eyes. It seemed that his time in Wakanda had changed him, for the better.

“Which one?” You quipped back, instantaneously.

“All of them.” He gulped, he was going to give you one truth before you found out after. It was his attempt at redemption, and a sorrowful one at that. “Steve’s returning the stones later.”

“I know.” You responded, the captain had already informed you about that part of his plan.

“And he’s not coming back.”

“Anthony Howard and Steven Nathan Barnes, the two of you better get back here this instant!” Your voice hollered through the house, as well as the duo’s endless giggles.

The front door opened, no other than Bucky walking through. He was quick to recognise the flash of motherly anger upon your face, and quickly dropped his serene smile.

“What have they done?” Bucky asked, watching as you crossed your arms in an unimpressed manner.

“Why don’t you ask your sons?” Your husband sighed, but despite that, he was a happy man. He had returned from a war, and found a lovely wife, of which he had two troublesome boys with. For the first time in a long time, y/n Stark and Bucky Barnes were happy.

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youuuimeanmee · 4 years

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Selfish is Eren’s trait.

No matter how much time changes.

EDIT: Should I mention that this is NOT an Eren rant? This is just me marveling at how great Eren’s character is, no matter what his flaws are.

Many people has been saying that Eren is selfless, how the Rumbling is the only choice to save Paradis so he had to set aside his emotion for greater good. While yes, that is true, it’s not quite right. Remember chapter 131?

Eren himself said he was selfish. He was disappointed the world is not as beautiful as in Armin’s book. He was disappointed humanity outside the walls exist. He wished to wipe them all away. But still, no matter how much he wished for it to happen, it’s still wrong. Just like Eren said in chapter 130, all the future he saw is still far away. Maybe things could change. Maybe his wish won’t come true, but at least things would turn out to be morally right. That’s why he decided to sit back and watch.

But no. Even after Zeke (another royal blood) and Azumabito (the mediator to the outside world) entered Paradis, they’re not giving him a great option. They’re blinded by their own selfish desire. Azumabito just wanted to use Paradis as a cashgrab, while Zeke wished for Eldia’s euthanasia. Paradis doesn’t give him another option either, even though the time is running out.

Of course Eren would snap.

Fuck them all. Fuck them all, who won't give Paradis a chance. Fuck them all, who choose to stay in their comfort zone. Time is running out. All lives matter, including Paradis. If the world refused to see Paradis as a part of humanity, then he’ll reject them as parts of humanity too. If Paradis refuse to move, then he’ll force them to move. Better bring out his dream to life if that's the case.

It was all too convenient; the time, the circumstances. It was all matching with his dream to exterminate his enemies; to become free from shackles; to expand his horizon outside the walls.

He has the power, and he only have a few years to live, what's the more appropriate time than now?

But still. He's painfully aware it's wrong. What’s he about to do is a one-sided massacre.

If I had to say, Eren has several options:

Wipe out the rest of the world

Let the world trample Paradis

Run away and forget it all

Share his future memories, and decide things with his friends.

Option #4 is already out of the window, because he doesn’t trust his friends enough to let them decide their future. He believes all the hatred and bloodshed will not stop until he buries the world to the ground, to avoid them laying a hand on Paradis ever again. He believes if he doesn’t do this, his friends would continue to live in misery until they die.

Option #3 is also out, since he had to move forward no matter what, so he’s left with 2 choices.

Again, he throw away option #2, because no matter how much he think about it, there’s no way he’d let his own people being trampled by the world.

So yeah, option #1 is to go, then. But he knew, it’s wrong. He will take all the lives of innocent people. He will drag his friends into danger, he will hurt them, he will disappoint everyone. He will become a monster. There's no guarantee Paradis will strive once this is all over. There might be another hell, he knew.

That’s why, even though he knows what to do, even though things is going according to his dream, he broke down. He still asked for forgiveness, even though he knew full well he’s the one at fault.

He couldn’t take it anymore. His guilt is eating him alive.

At this time, he wished for an escape. He’s starting to reconsider option #3. And that’s where Mikasa came in.

Mikasa, the girl who sticks to him no matter what. Mikasa, who saved him, no matter how hopeless the situation is.

Maybe this time, she could save him too. He relies on her, he clings to her answer for dear life. Maybe he could stop him. Maybe things would turn out okay if she give a different answer.

But no. Things didn’t work out as he wished for. Mikasa didn’t see through his suffering, she is clueless as ever; so he had to move on with his initial plan. When Eren said it’s a perfect timing, he really meant that, since he could snap out of his emotional self and focus on what he needs to do. Back to option #1.

This is one of the moments where Eren’s half-assed-ness selfishness shine. If he truly cares for the rest of the world, if he truly cares for his friends’ feeling, he should’ve open up more. He should’ve told Mikasa his dream, because only then, she could understand where Eren is coming from. If so, maybe Mikasa could told him to give up his dream, just like Levi to Erwin.

But no. Until the very end, he didn’t told his friends anything, because he already decided. He didn’t want his friends to stop him at this point, not yet. He has to do what he needs to do first. Not even in the moment of weakness he’d let Mikasa stop him. Because he knew. If he let his emotion and moral get the better of him, he’d never find a solace. Sure, maybe he could live the rest of his life with Mikasa in peace, but he wouldn’t be able to live with another greater regrets.

He chose the solace instead of salvation from his sins. So he turned his back from SC and never came back.

Eren infiltrated Marley. He experienced it firsthand how, even outside the walls, bad and good people were all the same. Reiner’s confession surprised him in a good way, because of how similar they are than he originally thought.

Both of them are moving with such selfish desire, under the pretense of “for the greater good.” Reiner destroyed the walls because he wanted to become a hero, while Eren is about to destroy the world because he wants humanity to perish. Their guilt is eating them alive to this day.

But Willy’s speech reminding him once again, that, in the end, they’re all the same, they’re just one side of the coin.

Willy reminded him why he’s doing all of these in the first place. He reminded him of his initial motivation.

It resonates with him so much that it hurt. Listening to Reiner and Willy gave him comfort, that everything is not his, nor everybody's fault. There’s no right or wrong. Maybe, everyone is born this way. Even if he moves with selfish desire, the world really doesn’t give him much choice so it doesn’t really matter. It's just the matter of who will keep going until the very end.

He keeps moving forward until his objective is fulfilled, no matter how much he suffers, no matter how much his friends suffer. But deep down, he wanted to be saved. So much that during the Rumbling, his mind regressed into a child, because it’s easier for him to kill “bad people” to reach his “freedom.” This is why he didn’t fight the Alliance seriously. If Eren really wanted the Rumbling to continue, he could’ve eliminated them on the get-go, or sent one of his titans to remove the explosives around his neck, or prevented Armin from reaching out to Zeke, anything. But he didn’t. Because now that his objective is fulfilled, as Reiner said, he wants someone to stop him. He decides when is the right time to stop; and that’s after he destroy Fort Salta, humanity’s last weapon.

TLDR; Eren is selfish for letting his dream get the better of him; for deciding what’s best for Paradis himself; for dragging his dad and his friends into this mess; for choosing this bloody path; for wanting to be saved after everything he had done. But if he hadn’t done this, who knows what hell will await Paradis. He won’t take that risk, ever. Eren is aware of all of this; thus why, he asked Mikasa to forget about him.

His selfishness makes him a true monster, yet at the same time, a really flawed human being.

Eren Yeager decides where to start, and where to end his journey. He really is selfish until the end.

#Props for Isyama for great writing #We really see how Eren is going back-and-forth in this #While SC ventures through difficult path to achieve peace for everyone #Eren ventures through morality to achievee ultimate destruction #All for what they believed is right #Even though there's nothing right or wrong in this world #shingeki no kyojin #snk #snk analysis #snk meta #snk manga spoilers #snk spoilers #snk 138 #attack on titan #aot #aot spoilers #aot 138 #aot analysis #aot meta

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nenithil · 3 years

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continue on the Ackermans

Although Ackerbond was debunk by Zeke in manga, the arc of these three characters remain roughly: that is, Ackerbond exists to be overcome by them, not to be praised nor indulged

I've analyzed Kenny and Levi before

Kenny's reason for following Uri: why could this man claim love and peace so naturally, as if he is free from the bondage of violence in the world? Is it because he is too mighty?

We must note that Kenny's actions are linked to his "dream" rather than Uri's wishes. He designed to take away the power of the Titan - which is absolutely not what Uri hoped him to do

Before his death, Kenny realized that Uri was also a man who could not escape the shackles, he was just a slave

——The reason why he followed Uri, that is, strong power and will, became void before he died

Levi trusted Erwin because Erwin "had selfless and altruistic goals" and "was a leader who can ruthlessly insist on his decision for mankind", it was hope of mankind

Levi then has realized that Erwin's goal is highly personal, not selfless at all; Erwin was not such a ruthless man, he also has moral uneasiness and guilt towards his comrades which almost destroyed his mental stability; Ruthless leaders, demons, might not become the true hope of mankind.

——In this cognitive change, his main reasons for following the "leader" collapsed, so he let Erwin die and chose Armin. He no longer expected leaders to give him clear goals, nor did he count on Armin's leadership,.

Mikasa - because of romantic love narrative, her arc is easy to be ignored. Considering Mikasa's childhood: her father is Ackerman, who was chased and persecuted by monarchy. Her mother's blood and beauty made her coveted by criminal forces and human traffickers

——She was born in a family abandoned and persecuted by the whole society.

At this time, when she lost everything and was in the most danger, Eren killed the trafficker with an unimaginable will and impulse, then encouraged her to continue fighting

——From what Nile said later, we knew that Eren's action completely broke people's common sense. He gave up his consideration of safety, his dependence on the law and police system, and even partially gave up the normal fear of killing human. All this is just to save a strange girl. What he did could be seen as "monster".

In addition to giving Mikasa a home, his influence on Mikasa's concept is also huge.

So Mikasa said, thank you for teaching me the way to live.

Fight, fight, you can't win without fighting. Only when you win can you survive.

In her heart, her world is of a beautiful and warm home, surrounded by the cruel jungle. She will not surrender to this cruelty. In order to keep the lights of this small, bright family, she would continue to enhance her strength to protect them.

And Eren, in her eyes, is a similar person to her, who is willing to guard this small family with everything, whether the enemies are the human traffickers or the whole world that surrounded them.

Later, Mikasa joined the army, she met someone who had gradual impacts on herself, including Ian, Levi, Hanji, Armin, Sasha... And Louis and her mother.

Their effect expanded the small home she cherished slowly, and let her know that it was not only a large jungle that surrounded her, but also many small homes like hers. As long as they understand each other, they may gain trust and friendship.

But, when Eren attacked Liberio, her admiration and belief in Eren wavered. She believed that Eren is still the one who wanted to protect her friends, but the world in her eyes also has too many homes like hers. She would no longer feel that just for her own family, these families, those innocent children, should be destroyed as she suffered.

When Louis said to Mikasa that you taught me to be brave against unreasonable power and violence, Mikasa was silent. She remembered how she was shocked by Eren, how she took Eren and his words as her way of life. But all these are no longer her belief. She saw the light of Eren and the blood inside the light. She no longer took it for granted.

So she did not hesitate to follow Hanji to stop Eren. Out of love, it is difficult for her to make up her mind to kill Eren, but she was no longer the girl who can firmly claim that "Eren is our hope, please trust him".

The arc of these three Ackermans in manga，are actually stories that they determined and entrusted their ideal incorrectly to individuals(so called "liege"), then they slowly realized the reality, recognized the limitations of mankind from the "liege", eventually made their own choices freely.

This is Ackerman's struggle against their old experience and nature

Thanks @ourmondobongo for discussion❤

supplement:

#mikasa ackerman #levi ackerman #kenny ackerman #eren yeager #eremika #erwin #snk analysis

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leviackermansbrat · 4 years

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hii :) how about a little request of levi x reader where they are both in love with each other but havent really ever acted upon it much and one day the reader gets badly hurt and almost dies, while their recovering levi realizes how close he was to losing them and they finally confess their love and be together (hope this is ok!)

Unexpectedly Expected

tw: mentions of injuries, near death experiences, blood

side note: this takes place during the expedition where the female titan is captured and then escapes. So SPOILER WARNING FOR LATER ON IN SEASON 2 (I also know it's not winter during that episode but for the sake of the scenario let's pretend it is)

The air was cold. Winter within the walls was dreadful for the survey corps. Fighting for humanity was never a part time job, which meant that whatever mother nature had in store for the soldiers had to be taken in stride. No amount of sleet, hail, or snow stopped the scouts from exterminating titans and venturing outside the walls to do so.

"Have you checked your gear brat?" Levi asked with a stoic gaze as he looked cadet Y/N up and down. They beamed brightly at Levi as they nodded their head and gave him a thumbs up.

Levi rolled his eyes at Y/N's enthusiasm, but on the inside he felt his heart warm just a bit. He had always admired the cadet. Their bravery and compassion never ceasing to amaze him. Skill wise, they were almost on par with him which is why he chose them as his second in command for the Special Operations Squad, also known as Squad Levi.

It was an understatement to say that Levi was infatuated with you. He had known cadet L/N since he was first forced to join the Survey Corps. They stuck up for him when Flagon was being a jerk on the day of their arrival. Since then he found Y/N tolerable and eventually began to grow fond of them. However those small feelings that he had became even more intense after Y/N became his shoulder to cry on after Isabel and Furlan died. Since then they have depended on each other and climbed the ranks.

Despite Y/N being in the Survey Corps longer than Levi, they refused to take a higher position when Erwin asked them to become squad leader. Instead they stuck by Levi's side and became content with being his second in command.

Y/N's feelings for Levi were obvious to everyone in the Survey Corps except for Levi. Hell, even the new recruits of the 104th cadets asked if there was something between them and the stoic captain because of the obvious infatuation and pining. Not only is Y/N scared to make a move because of the obvious fear of rejection, but they also fear that they could potentially ruin things between the two of them if they were to add feelings to the equation.

"Make sure to come back alive Y/N," Levi remarked as his hands tightened on the reigns of his horse.

"Only if you do the same Levi," Y/N responded with a cheeky grin.

Once again, Levi rolled his eyes. The yell from Erwin broke him out of his thoughts as they began to ride off beyond the walls.

*skip to after the female titan was captured because I'm lazy*

"Y/N, you're in charge while I'm gone. Take care of my horse. Make sure you get the brat back to headquarters safely. And if shit goes south protect Jaeger," Levi ordered, zipping away before Y/N had the chance to respond.

"You heard the man, I'm in charge. Let's secure our horses in a safe position and get to higher ground just in case random titans come wandering into the forest before the mission is complete," Y/N ordered.

The other squadmates were obviously upset and hurt. They had no idea why they were left in the dark when the plan was to capture the female titan all along.

"I mean new recruits aside, why didn't they tell the survey corps veterans like all of you? The only people who knew were captain Levi and Y/N," Eren asked, looking around.

Y/N cringed at Eren's realization which was partly true but not completely. Y/N was against not telling the entire squad about the plan but the Commander and Levi insisted it was best to keep it under wraps.

"Are you implying that we aren't trusted by the Lance Corporal and Commander? Tell him that's not true Y/N!" Petra yelled, looking at Y/N for confirmation.

"Look, it's not that we don't trust you guys at all. However, there is a traitor in the survey corps," Y/N began to explain.

That would explain why we were kept in the dark about all of this. So you, being a survivor of the attack five years ago were informed about this since it's likely that the perpetrator infiltrated during the fall of Shiganshina?" Eld asked, looking directly at Y/N.

Y/N smiled at Eld's understanding and thought about how he would make a great squad leader. He was dependable and kind, something the survey corps needed. Y/N nodded at Eld's conclusion and a wave of relief passed through the Levi Squad. Although they were upset that they were under suspicion, they knew that it was an extremely important thing to keep under wraps.

Suddenly, a loud roar was heard and the ground began to shake. A retreat flare signal was fired soon after and the Levi Squad looked at each other with wide eyes.

Y/N's attempt at a smile turned into a grimace. They had a bad feeling about this. There was a nagging feeling that something would go wrong. Quickly shaking off the bad feeling, they ordered the squad to retreat.

Was Levi okay? Is he injured? No, he wouldn't be. He wasn't humanity's strongest for no reason. Whatever situation he found himself in, he would surely be able to figure it out and come back safely. After all, they had a deal.

Small talk about the first expeditions rang through the air, but Y/N couldn't bring herself to participate in the light hearted conversation. They knew something was wrong. A flare signal was spotted which meant that Levi was nearby. Y/N saw a hooded figure and immediately knew something was off. They were way too tall to be Levi and all of a sudden their eyes widened.

The titan shifter had most likely escaped. This was the bad feeling they were having.

"Gunther look out!" Y/N yelled but it was too late.

Gunther was hanging from a tree, his body limp and unresponsive in the blink of an eye.

"Guys! It's the female titan! Retreat back to headquarters with Eren. I'll apprehend them!" Y/N yelled to the group.

Y/N was more than capable of handling the female titan. Their speed and strength was second to Levi. It would be no problem taking the shifter down, however before Y/N could pull out their blades, a strike of lightning flashed before them and they were blown away on impact, being way too close to the female titan when she decided to shift.

Y/N flew through the air and only stopped after they hit a tree, the wind being knocked out of them and their head being hit against the tree. They felt a sting in their abdomen and looked down to where their own sword impaled them, having been caught in the crossfire after attempting to ready to battle the female titan. Somehow the blade impaled them while they were flying through the air.

Y/N tried their best to stay awake, but their vision was blurred and they were slowly losing consciousness. A tear slipped from their eye as they realized they were going to die. Y/N wasn't scared of death, but they didn't want to leave Levi alone again. To put him through the pain of losing someone else that was close to him. But Y/N couldn't fight it anymore and their eyes slowly closed, darkness engulfing them.

Levi zipped through the trees, following the explosion he had seen earlier. The female titan had slipped right through their fingertips and he was more worried than ever. Was his squad okay? Of course they were. Y/N could handle the female titan without a problem. But still, he had a lingering bad feeling.

His breath caught in his throat after seeing the mangled bodies of his squad mates. Gunther, Eld, Oulo, and Petra all dead. His heart skipped a beat as he noticed Y/N and Eren were missing. Did they make it back to headquarters? Were they safe? No. A roar erupted in the air signaling that the fight was not over.

Levi soared through the air, anger coursing through his veins for his fallen comrades. He was going to avenge them and take down the female titan.

After retrieving Eren from the female titan, Levi felt empty. There were no signs of Y/N. Almost as if they had vanished. He expected them to be near Eren and fighting the female titan, but that was not the case. Eren was not conscious so he couldn't even ask what had happened to her. Levi was left to assume the worst.

It wasn't until Levi spotted a familiar figure slumped against a tree that he abruptly stopped and told the other Ackerman to continue until they met up with the rest of the Scouts.

Levi was relieved, finally being able to spot Y/N, but that relief turned to dread after he saw the state of Y/N's body. They were slumped against the tree with a blade piercing their abdomen. Levi rushed over to them to check their pulse, cursing the universe for even thinking about taking away another person that he cared for.

He was relieved to find that Y/N's pulse was still there, although in the back of his mind he knew there was no way they could survive after losing that much blood and having other injuries.

"L-Levi," Y/N called, their voice raspy.

They slowly opened their eyes to meet Levi's steely grey ones. This was one of the only times aside from after Isabel and Furlan died where he expressed so much emotion on his face.

"Don't talk you brat, you're just going to make it worse. I'm going to take you back and get you patched up. Just hang on for me a little while longer," Levi said, preparing to carry Y/N back even though his ankle was killing him at the moment.

Y/N chuckled bitterly, blood escaping her lips as she coughed a little.

"You know I'm not going to make it back Levi. This is the end for me," Y/N said, giving Levi a sad smile.

"Stop talking like that. You're not allowed to die on me. That's an order you idiot," Levi commanded, his voice wavering.

"I'm sorry. But I'm glad I got to be by your side for this long. Loving you is something I will never regret," Y/N responded, smiling sadly at Levi.

His eyes widened as he looked down at his second in command, his best friend, the person he would give his entire heart to in a flash. Levi leaned in slowly and planted a kiss on Y/N's lips, the salty taste of their tears interfering. Levi pulled away to look at the smile on their face and found himself smiling as well.

"I love you, Y/N. That's why I'm not letting you die," Levi said, taking Y/N into his arms.

He soared through the forest carrying Y/N, looking down to find their eyes closed. He was too scared to check their pulse in fear that they might already be dead.

Just stay with me a little longer. Don't leave me behind.

*time skip*

"So you love me huh Levi?" Y/N asked, giving Levi a goofy grin.

After the expedition Levi rushed back and Y/N made it by the skin of their teeth. Hange even said it was a miracle that they lived with all of the blood loss and other injuries.

"Shut up brat. Don't make me take it back," Levi responded, rolling his eyes.

During Y/N's recovery he rarely left their side. Hange realized that he might have finally confessed his feelings and teased him endlessly.

"Aww, don't be so harsh. I love you too Levi," Y/N said, giving Levi a quick kiss on his cheek before dashing off to chat with Hange about her latest experiments.

Levi watched their retreating form and smiled slightly to himself. Yeah, he loved them. And that's something he would never regret.

Hope you enjoyed! Writing this was wild lol.

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hajimesh · 3 years

Text

𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁

⥅ eren jaeger / 1.8k words

warnings. manga spoilers, fluff and angst, gender neutral reader

a/n. my entry for anilysium's collab, don't forget to check the masterlist !! thank u sm temi for the beta ♡ @thefairywalker

hope is what makes someone hold onto a promise. and that hope it's worse than the broken promise itself.

—

845.

an autumn-like breeze cooled down the summer afternoon, and with the sky barren of any clouds, it was easier for the sun rays to land on those familiar blond strands.

"over there!"

eren's small hand—even though it was big enough to cover yours—wrapped around your wrist before it tugged you through the crowd. your rapid breaths were all you could hear while you mentally prayed to make it on time, just a couple more steps and you would be within reach, already staring at armin’s frightened face which caused your heart to jump. but what finally managed to send you in a state of despair was the sight of eren shoving the bigger kid away.

“what do you think you’re doing, yeager?!”

“are you hurt?” tears gathered at the corners of your eyes while you helped armin up on his feet, you didn’t have to turn around to know eren had received a punch, his pained wail making you flinch.

armin took your hand and together faced the scene before your eyes, holding onto each other's hands while tears dampened your cheeks.

“leave him alone!” the tremble in your voice was obvious, even after multiple fights with those kids it always ended up the same way. armin and you crying in fear for eren and mikasa's safety.

only this time mikasa was nowhere to be seen.

“shut up!”

“don’t talk to them like that!” with a kick on the shin, eren managed to keep the bully out of commission for a few seconds. but that was enough for your saviour to arrive.

“leave before i call the garrison.”

relief began to relax your tense stance, you all knew that it wasn’t the moment to be wasting their time in a kid’s fight, the shortage of food seemed to worsen each day and keeping the people on a tight leash became harder as the days went by.

the kid seemed to finally realize he wouldn't win this time, so with a scoff he took a couple of steps back, "this isn't over," his annoyed gaze traveled from eren to you, "and try not to piss your pants next time."

the three of you watched him run away while the rush of adrenaline began to wear out on your bodies and gave in to the tiredness. had mikasa not intervened, the outcome would've been way worse.

"hey," eren was the first one to break the silence, turning towards you and landing a hand on your shoulder. unfortunately, the softness in his voice was your catalyst and soon you allowed the distress to overcome you, "oh no, don't cry!"

it was useless to try to get your tears to stop, falling one after another as your chest racked with broken sobs, "i-i'm sorry i couldn't be o-of help!"

armin watched in worry as eren tried and failed to get you to calm down. he could tell you were scared when you confronted the bully, your hold on his hand so tight he feared you would end up hurting yourselves. but even so, you had pulled through your fear and stood your ground, something he admired from you.

with a tug on your shirt, mikasa signaled you to start walking, her impassive yet reassuring gaze letting you know she was there for you.

"let's go home."

—

the warm steam that blew onto your blotchy face felt soothing, the taste of mrs. yeager's freshly brewed tea successfully relaxing the tightness in your chest as it ran down your throat.

you could already feel the tiredness hitting you all at once, begging you to lie down and close your eyes so you could rest your mind after the afternoon's occurrences. but with eren's eyes observing you, you knew you weren't off the hook yet.

"better?"

not trusting your voice, you hummed and smiled behind the cup resting on your lips, sniffling slightly when a flashback of eren being punched on the face appeared on your mind.

however, he didn't seem to be done with the topic.

"why did you stand up to him if you were so scared? you were lucky he didn't go for you."

"'cause i didn't want him to keep punching you."

"i don't need your help," his tone gave you the wrong impression. were you bothering him? a frown pulled your lips in a wobbly pout but he was quick to realize his error, "i mean, we should focus on armin, right? he's the one always in trouble."

you rocked your feet back and forth, watching them dangle from the chair as you mulled over his words. he wasn't lying, it was armin who often ended up as the victim of those bullies. at least when neither of you were around to aid him.

"i have a plan!" eren suddenly perked up, eyes brimming with excitement and pride as he obviously found his plan a good one, "dad always says that it's his duty to protect mom because they're married. so, if we get married, i can protect you and we can protect armin—together!"

you couldn't help but gasp, "married?! but we are too little!"

"not now, dummy. when we grow up!"

"what if i cry again and can't protect armin?" you voiced out your biggest worry as you pushed the cup away and made room on the table for your arm, resting your chin on top of it after yawning.

"i'll protect all of us," he didn't even hesitate, “and we have mikasa too.”

the silly promise made so much sense to your 10-year-old brain, which is why you held onto the hope and safety it gave you and agreed.

carla yeager squealed the news to her husband once eren and you had fallen asleep.

—

850.

there wasn't a day where you didn't regret not going with them.

the lively days soon became dull without eren and armin’s excited voices as they discussed the fire and icy lands in armin’s book, mikasa’s reassuring presence gone as well. but you knew you wouldn’t make it through the strenuous military training—or at least that was what you had told yourself.

truthfully, you wondered how were they not scared of continuing with their suicide mission of joining the legion, all those sacrifices just to see what was outside the walls. why couldn’t they be happy with what you already had? it wasn’t much, but you had each other, which was more than what most people could say.

with shiganshina gone, you became one of the refugees that lurked in the streets of trost. the conditions to live growing harsher, food and shelter becoming escarse and a luxury, but eren’s promise gave you enough strength to go on with your days until you landed a job as a waitress at a pub.

you missed them, all of them.

their names flew from the mouths of the military police and other higher ups that passed by, making you wonder what they were up to. however, when news spread about eren’s abilities to shift into one of those creatures, that old sense of worry shook you to your very core.

was he hurt? mikasa wouldn't let anyone lay a finger on him, but what if they separated them?

multiple scenarios ran through your head, many of them not so pleasing and only worsening your nerves. but if their names kept coming up in the authorities’ conversations after each and every mission, then it meant they were still alive.

unfortunately, all you could do was pray for their well-being and silently beg them to return.

—

854.

after years of not hearing his voice, it took you several seconds to recognize it.

“where– where are we? why–”

“you’ve changed,” his tone was soft yet hints of curiosity sept through as he marveled at you, “you look older..." prettier, he wanted to say.

having spent so many years without the intensity of his gaze, you realized you had grown unused to it, “you’ve changed too.”

it seemed like everyone had disappeared, except for you and him. dunes of fine sand slithered under your feet and a bright light illuminated the starry sky, converging by the horizon and causing his green eyes to shine in a way you had never seen before.

“eren… what’s all this?”

one moment you were surrounded by chaos, people screaming while an army of colossal titans walked south and eren declared war against the rest of the world; and the next it all had gone quiet, a man—eren—standing next to you while holding your hand.

"they will pay, and then we will be free," his thumb rubbed the skin on the back of your hand gently.

you caught the way his gaze hardened for a second, rage clear in his features but what confused you the most was the amount of hurt swirling in his eyes.

what did he mean by 'they'? you were aware of marley's feelings towards the eldians but was it truly that bad? there were so many questions you wanted to ask, but something told you that you didn’t have enough time so you chose to stick to the most important ones.

“how's mikasa? armin... is it true? he’s the colossal now?”

eren pulled you closer to him by tugging on your hand, cradling the side of your face with his free hand as a smile took over his lips.

"mikasa's busy kicking everyone's asses," he joked and you couldn't help but laugh, relieved at the sudden lightness in his voice. your eyes closed briefly when he leaned forward and rested his forehead against yours, licking his lips before continuing, "armin... yeah, he's the colossal. looks like i need to find another excuse to marry you, hm?”

you found it unfair how after almost a decade, he could still hold such a power over your heart, the butterflies in your stomach feeling worse than what you recalled.

“you remember?”

he didn't miss the hope in your tone, his own heart aching at the thought of you assuming he had forgotten about your existence. there wasn't a day where he hadn't wondered about your well-being, were you safe? had a titan stole your life just like they had done with his mom? it was armin and mikasa who consoled him whenever the intrusive thoughts became too much to his already stressed mind.

“i never forgot.”

it was subtle, the way that kids promise evolved into a lifetime vow—but neither of you minded.

“i need you to promise me one more thing," he murmured, his breath fanning over your lips while your own faltered at his proximity.

“you’re leaving again,” it wasn't a question.

“i have to.”

it pained him to no end, but it had to be done. the warmth of his lips touched your forehead, your cheeks, and lips; staying longer on the latter while your hearts synchronized for a moment, sharing years worth of affection.

"stay here, on the island. find somewhere safe to stay until it all ends.”

a mere murmur on your lips, that was all it took to harm your hopeful soul.

"and don't wait for me."

#eren yeager x reader #eren jaeger x reader #snk x reader #aot x reader #eren x reader #eren fluff #eren angst #eren yeager #i missed writing angst hehe #eren.c

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amesstm · 4 years

Text

A Bit of Water

Word Count: 1554

Character: Jean Kirstein

Content: low key sad, head trauma (no mentions of how it happened), amnesia, bit of fluff

“Do you really think Armin’s right about the sea existing?” You asked, sitting down next to Jean. It was a long day of military movement and you were both finally able to relax alongside a lake. Contrary to being with the group of friends you shared, he sat alone.

Your friend looked at you and shrugged, “We’ll know once we see it.”

“I wonder if the water would taste good,” you pondered aloud, suddenly looking at the lake with curiosity. Then you murmured, “Maybe it tastes better than well-water.”

Disgusted laughter erupted from Jean and through laughs he choked out, “Why would you drink sea water?”

Now it was your time to shrug, but with a sheepish chuckle. Yep, your crush probably thought you were weird. “You never know! Maybe it doesn’t taste too bad.”

Jean snickered, “You’re really something, Y/N.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” you flushed.

A comfortable silence fell on you two as you both watched the currents of the lake. Everyone behind them were chatting up a storm, but here you two were. Silent except for the sounds of your breathing and the pounding of your hearts. The moon cascaded on the lake with white brush strokes to provide a beautiful scene. It was one etched into your mind forever.

You smiled with a sigh, “I’m sure Marco would’ve loved to see it.”

Jean drew a sad expression until he exhaled and smiled, too. “You’re right. He would. But we’ll see it together, okay?”

Unfortunately, you never got to visit the sea. In fact, you didn’t know why you were here in the hospital at all. Apparently, you suffered a head injury that made you lose all of your memories. You knew your name, your family, and some of the names of people from your past. The nurse, Mrs. Rei, would tell you of a visitor who only came in the night. She said the visitor didn’t want you to know who they were.

“Did he come again, Mrs. Rei?” There was a loneliness in your voice that the older lady caught onto.

Her mouth dropped into an apologetic line, “Yes, I’m sorry. He’s just not ready yet.”

After a soft sigh, you nodded. It had been a month or two since you were admitted into the hospital from a brain injury. The only people who came were your family on occasion. Otherwise, it was just you, Mrs. Rei, the glass of water on the night stand, and a Wings of Freedom emblem in the drawer.

If what you knew was true, you were a member of the Survey Corps. From where you were now, you couldn’t imagine the courage you must’ve had to want to journey outside the walls. You peered out the window, which was the only escape from this room that you had. Small birds here and there fluttered freely, without a care in the world. Trees swayed with the seasons and life around you carried on. Yet you were stuck here.

Perhaps your comrades were out there right now, searching for answers and fighting off Titans. Perhaps they were all dead and no one wanted to break the truth to you, for fear of further mental regression. Either way, the only thing you did know was that you knew nothing of your unit.

It had been a few months since Jean saw you. The last time, you were asleep, as usual. If you were awake, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. How could he tell you that he was the reason you had to be hospitalized with no memory to speak of? How could he tell you everything that your friends went through? How could he explain to you how beautiful the ocean was, but when he saw it, he couldn’t even think about anything else but you?

How could he control himself if you were awake, not even remembering him at all? How would he handle knowing that any feelings you two might’ve shared are no longer reciprocated? Yet he bit his lip and walked into the hospital.

For the first time, he would be seeing you in broad daylight. Albeit in a hospital, it was still better than nothing. The smell of cleanliness hit him first, sterilized as much as possible to reduce infections. Captain Levi would love it here. But this wasn’t a place for happiness.

The nurse, Mrs. Rei, recognized him immediately and knew why he was here; but she still managed to widen her eyes slightly in surprise. “You’ll be seeing her this afternoon, sir?”

He gave a sure nod to stabilize himself. “I think I’m ready.”

She smiled, “Follow me. She’s awake, drawing something right now.”

Jean followed obediently, thinking about what he’d say to you. First, he’d apologize for not visiting in person and then for your accident. Then, he’ll hopefully be able to catch you up on everything. Finally, he’ll give you a present.

“Mr. Kirstein, are you ready?” Mrs. Rei looked at him worriedly. After all, he’s tried to do this before but backed away before he could even open the door.

He exhaled and nodded, “I won’t hesitate this time.”

She smiled, “Good.”

Then, the door was opened. There you were laying on the bed with a sketch pad on your lap. You looked up from your drawing, surprised at having a visitor. He wasn’t anything like your family, who visited in civilian clothing. He was wearing his military uniform, with a clear Wings of Freedom emblem on his chest. You must’ve known him.

Jean stepped into the room, with Mrs. Rei leaving them for privacy. He stood awkwardly before the door, all the conversations he played in his head suddenly vanished. Your curious eyes looked at him from under your eyelashes. In fact, you spoke first, “Hi, did I know you?”

You asked such an innocent, rational question but it still shot through Jean’s chest. The guilt and sadness nibbled at his heart, threatening to swallow it whole. “I- you do. I’m Jean Kirstein. We were in the military together.”

Immediately you sat up straighter, like an invisible string pulling on your head. “So, we did know each other... Are you by chance the one who visits me in the night?”

An embarrassed blush rose to Jean’s cheeks, “You’re right, I am. I’m sorry, I just didn’t know how to approach you.”

Despite all his stammering and embarrassment, you smiled kindly at him. “It’s fine. I don’t think I would know how to approach someone who lost their memories either.”

You stared at him, into his very soul. He wasn’t able to look at your face, but chose to look at anything but you. His eyes glanced from the window to the water glass on your nightstand. Then, they landed on your sketch pad. “I was drawing something; would you like to have a closer look at it?”

He slowly stepped towards you, taking a seat as you stretched your arm out so he could see it. As he looked at the drawing, you were able to smell him. His woody scent was so familiar and calming that it put you at ease. In fact, being near him made you so much more comfortable after only having hospital staff as company for so long. You eased and leaned towards him, resisting the urge to put your hand through a complete stranger’s hair.

Jean’s eyes sparkled; it was the same lake you two sat at before everything fell apart. Taking in the drawing, he was forcibly thrusted back into that time. When it all seemed so much simpler and you remembered everything about everything.

“It’s beautiful,” was all Jean could muster.

You chuckled, “Thank you. It’s one of my favorite scenes to draw.”

“Do you remember anything about it?”

“I remember how it made me feel. Safe, warm, happy.” Your voice drifted off, “But I don’t know why.”

Jean’s eyes drooped slightly and a frown pulled at his mouth. Out of habit, he covered his ears. “I’m sorry, it’s all my fault you don’t have any memory.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, “Jean. Whatever you did, I’m sure it was the only way. I may not remember much of anything, but I’m still able to make new memories.”

“R-right,” he stuttered. “That reminds me, I have something for you.”

He reached into his pocket and procured a small bottle of water. At the bottom was a collection of some sand with a tiny, red shell on top. His warm hands handed it to you, “You always wanted to see the ocean.”

You gaped and whispered, “It’s real?”

Jean chuckled with small tears forming in his eyes, “Yeah. Just – don't taste it though, it’s really salty.”

He was so serious with that flat line on his face that you laughed aloud, “Why would you drink sea water?”

“You never know! Maybe it doesn’t taste too bad,” he defended himself and crossed his arms. His mouth pouted in such a way that you felt this strange need to kiss him so he felt better.

Although he was peeved at being teased again by the girl he liked, seeing you smile sent butterflies to his stomach. Another blush rose to his face against his will. Your sweet voice spoke again, “Thank you, Jean. You’re really something.”

#jean kirschtein x reader #jean kirstein #jean fluff #jean kirschtein imagine #jean kirschtien #aot fluff #aot angst #aot x reader #aot imagines #jean aot

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