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bambazzle · 4 years

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LGBT+ Fantasy/Fiction Books and TWs

1. Carry On by Rainbow Rowell-

(Fantasy, Witches, Vampires, kind of Harry Potter-y, Romance, TW for mention of suicidal ideation/self-destructiveness, abandonment, foster care, neglect, murder/violence, gun violence and relationship issues in the second book. It has some heavy topics but is written in a pretty light tone.)

2. Red White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston-

(enemies to lovers, about the son of the President and the Prince of England getting into a fight, they have to fake a friendship to fix their PR situation, TW for being publicly outed and semi-graphic sex scenes, also often politically charged discussions)

3. Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller-

(Ancient Greece, demigods, exile, TW for war/violence and tragedy, homophobia, bad parenting)

4. The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic-

(It’s about the mafia/college sports and happens to have a compelling queer storyline in the process. Demisexual main character and other gay characters. (slow burn, it’s a trilogy and the romance doesn’t happen in the first book) TW for a lot of things, it’s about kids from broken homes and the mafia so there is abuse, self harm, murder, police intervention, organized crime, drug use, assault, rehab, all kinds of weapons, manipulation, slurs, etc. The second book has mentions of r*pe (not extremely graphic but it is mentioned a handful of times and there is one semi graphic scene), and torture. It is a great series but it has heavy content and is not light reading if you go in unprepared.)

5. The House on the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune -

(MLM, fantasy, found family, heartwarming romance, magical creatures)

6. Heartstopper by Alice Oseman-

(MLM, graphic novel, slow burn, coming out TW for anorexia, self harm, suicidal ideation, homophobia)

7. The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater-

(Fantasy, about a secret private school, slow burn)

8. They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera-

(Bisexual Latino characters, whole story takes place in 24 hours because at about midnight- aka the start of the book- they get a phone call saying they’re gonna die, TW for death, family in hospital, violence, police intervention, and foster care)

9. Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo-

(queer characters (but no romance in the first book, TW for graphic depictions of violence, ableism, mention of abuse, mention of sexual slavery and assault, imprisonment)

10. The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee (Historical Fiction Romance, Travel/Journey, Best Friends to lovers, MLM characters. TW for abuse, homophobia, racism, suicidal ideation, alcoholism, depiction of epileptic seizures, gun violence, and discussion of insane asylums)

11. In Deeper Waters by FT Lukens-

(Royalty, kidnapping, MLM characters not being released until April but it looks great)

12. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz-

(coming of age story, MLM, TW for violence/injury, surgery, transmisogyny, homophobic violence)

14. We Contain Multitudes by Sarah Henstra-

(coming of age, friendship and romance)

15. Love and Other Curses by Michael Thomas Ford-

(magical realism, a curse about falling in love)

16. More Happy than Not by Adam Silvera-

(MLM main character, YA, “it's about a boy who is considering a memory-alteration procedure to forget he's gay because leading a life as a straight teen would probably be way easier for him. It's about science versus nature, friendship, sexuality, and a quest for happiness.” About the happy ending and how even bad moments lead to good. Hopeful but despairing. TW for medical procedure to erase sexuality, internalized homophobia, homophobia from others, depression)

17. I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver-

(Nonbinary main character, nonbinary muslim side character, romance/love and building a family out of people you care about. About finding your voice. TW for coming out and misgendering, family rejection/struggle)

18. We Are Okay by Nina LaCour-

(WLW, moving out and coming of age, self-discovery and childhood romance, TW for loss, depression, loneliness)

19. The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness-

(Contemporary, about the normal people’s lives while living among Chosen Ones. Family/coming of age/acceptance story. TW for monsters, apocalypse, violence/explosions, anorexia, anxiety attacks, unrequited romance)

20. Lizard Radio by Pat Schmatz-

(Dystopian story about a teenager struggling with their gender identity, TW for abandonment, oppressive government, outlawed homosexuality)

21. Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas-

(trans main character, hispanic characters, paranormal YA mystery with MLM characters)

22. Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat-

(Bisexual main character, TW for kidnapping/stockholm syndrome, abuse, sex scenes)

23. Witch Eyes by Scott Tracey-

(fantasy, MLM, supernatural)

24. Simon vs the Homosapiens Agenda by Becki Albertalli-

(romance, MLM, coming of age, TW for a closeted boy being blackmailed)

25. Fun Home by Alison Bechdel-

(WLW, graphic novel, coming of age, TW for csa, pedophilia, teacher/student relationships, none explicit if my memory serves correct)

26. George by Alex Gino-

(Trans girl, slice of life, coming out story, TW for deadnaming, homophobia, transphobia)

27. Afterworlds by Scott Westerfield-

(WLW, supernatural, fantasy)

28. Witchmark by C.L. Polk-

(MLM, Sci-Fi/Fantasy, mystery, Alternate universe post WW1, TW for murder/war, depression/angst)

29. The Luminous Dead by Caitlin Starling-

(WLW, Sci-Fi Horror, dystopian future, fictional planet, TW for psychological/emotional horror, toxic relationship, death)

30. The Culling by Steven Dos Santos-

(MLM, Dystopian Fantasy under a totalitarian, extremely cruel government. People must undergo ‘the trials’ in order to work for a government task force- if you fail at any of the trials you are forced to participate in the Culling, where the member has to choose a family member of theirs to die. TW for death, extortion, brutal violence, murder, totalitarian government)

31. Deposing Nathan by Zack Smedley-

(MLM, about a court case regarding the main character and his best friend- deals with breaking points in friendships and how people and perception change. TW for biphobia, gay bashing, legal trial, abuse, knives, violence)

32. Ziggy, Stardust, and Me by James Brandon-

(MLM, Gay main character, historical fiction (Vietnam war), about a character dealing with his alcoholic father and family issues who creates a fictional world to cope where he can be out and openly himself. Coming of age. TW for bullying, alcoholism, institutionalized homophobia, familial homophobia, conversion therapy, war mentions)

(this list is a WIP and anyone can add to it! If I need to add TWs or further explanations let me know!)

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mintacle · 3 years

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the Simon Snow trilogy

Author: Rainbow Rowell

Rating: I re-read the first book ten times straight. That fact speaks for itself, Ages 14+ (last book includes sexual scenes. I would classify that traditionally as 18+)

Category: YA literature, lgbtqia+, fantasy

Themes: love, exploring tropes, growth and developement

What is it about?: I had the great priviledge of reading this book knowing nothing about it going in. Not only that, but because it was recommended to me by a teacher, I had such an unbreakable suspension of disbelief. Even when all narratory devices where pointing in one direction I was just thinking, 'No way! I mean, my teacher read and liked this book.' If you want to read the series without knowing anything (which I recommend.) then just scroll right past.

Simon Snow returns after summer breack for his seventh and final year at the Watford school of Wizardry. He loves and loathes his return. As much as he misses magic during his vacation, he doesn't miss the prospect of his roommate and arch-nemesis, Tyranus Basilton 'Baz' Grimm-Pitch. (Yeah, uh, what a name.) This year however, Baz is taking his time to return to school. Simon is worried that Baz is off plotting with the Old Families against the Mage, the headmaster of Watford. Together with Penelope, his best friend and Agatha, his girlfriend, Simon tries to discover Baz whereabouts and plans. Six weeks into the school year, Baz finally returns from heaven-knows-where and everything seems different. Simon has been visited by Baz's deceased mother and promised to relay a message to her son and finds himself helping Baz to discover the truth behind his mother's death.

In the second and third book we watch all of our different character's copind with the aftermath. The world adjusts t the end of the war, while our heros are left floundering. Who is Simon if he isn't the Chosen One anymore? Apparently, a depressed potato-coach. If Penelope can't help Simon take on the world's biggest threats, what is her Helper's-Syndrome even good for? In an attempt to get their lifes starting up again, our characters go on a road trip through America. They certainly encounter a new adventure and overcome the danger of Silicon Valley Vampires, but Simon still seems unchanged by the end.

Finlly the third book leads to all of our characters working through their post-war low. Many major plot-points are finally wrapped up. Simon learns about his parentage, Simon and Baz work out their relationship, Penelope finally works through her own issues and Agatha finds peace with herself.

Still, I wouldn't call the ending the end to everything. The characters are all left with further potential, yet as a reader I felt like all plot-points were wrapped up. The story ends, but it is quite clear that their lifes don't.

Why do I like it/dislike it?: I first read Fangirl from Rainbow Rowell, then Eleanor and Park and only after some hesitance did I pick up Carry On, the first book of the Simon Snow trilogy. I generally love her writing style. It is very dialogue heavy, near-poetical in its exploration of feelings in internal monologues and has very compelling character-studies. Simon Snow has a lot of parallels to Harry Potter, since it was first just an alternate universe 'Harry Potter' from the book 'Fangirl'. Seriously, just the origin story of Simon Snow is fascinating of its own right.

The next point is a major spoiler though. The series primary focus is the relationship of Baz and Simon. First of all, their enemies-to-lovers storyline is told very convincingly, but this is only the romance plot of the first book. In the second and third book we see a couple who are both deeply in love with the other, yet must navigate the confusing mass of what it means to be in a relationship. Simon feels depressed and suffers from self-doubt. He feels like he's just waiting for Baz to break up with him, while Baz is frustrated that Simon doesn't really trust him and desperate for Simon to feel better. By the end of the third book, the boys have not only worked out that they want to be together, but also how to be in a healthy relationship. I really enjoyed the in-depth study of all the issues they had to get there and the time and care it took for them to reach that goal.

Generally all explorations of character developement are done amazingly well. Some of them are really slow and take all threee of the books, but they were so satisfying to watch come together the way they did. Rowell demonstrates a great understanding of the messiness of life. None of our charcater's feelings are treated 2-dimensionally or clinically. The writing is so alive and vivid, the character's so tangible.

Critisicms: I've searched and googled extensively, but I just can't find any. If someone has heard of complaints with the plot or whatever, or has any of their own, please message me so I can edit the post to include it.

Warnings: death, abuse, gas-lighting, violence, homophobia, racism, occult, blood

#book rec series #book recommendation #book rec #simon snow #carry on #wayward son #anyway the wind blows #rainbow rowell #ya literature #lgbtq #nature creates

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getting-used-to-different · 3 years

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My problem with #SimonsNotWrong

Note: This is being written before the finale of season 2 has been released. Hopefully, the final episode will resolve these issues and I can delete this post in peace. Please read my entire post before responding and stay respectful ;)

With that said...

I have a few issues with #SimonsNotWrong (and I'm mostly responding to this video). If you have no idea what I'm talking about, here's the rundown: in Season 2, Episode 3 of The Chosen, Simon P confronts Matthew about his life as a tax collector prior to meeting Jesus. Several people thought that Simon P was overly harsh, which prompted the director Dallas Jenkins to respond in the video I linked above and start the campaign #SimonsNotWrong in defense of what Simon said in that scene.

I don't disagree with the scenes in S2E3 on their own, only the way that Dallas insists that Simon was right up until the point that he refused to forgive. Now I know I'm a bit biased; one scroll through my page and you can tell that Matthew's character is a favorite of mine. But I really do understand that Matthew's job is a major problem, I get that he went above and beyond to help a horrible empire, I get that he lived in luxury while his people starved, and I do believe he needs to repent to God and possibly to the people that he hurt as well. In fact, like Dallas, I do think that most of what Simon said is factually correct.

Yet, Simon is wrong to condemn Matthew for a plethora of reasons. There's the fact that Matthew LEFT his life as a tax collector. There's the fact that Simon himself broke Jewish law, betrayed his people, and hurt his family in Season 1, episodes 1-4. There's the fact that Matthew was thirteen when he was recruited by Rome (I don't care if the culture thought he was old enough to choose a trade, he was still an immature child who was taken advantage of by one of the most powerful empires in human history). But the biggest reason is this:

Of course, Simon was only thinking about his own perspective, which is human. I'm glad the scene exists because it represents how humans see each other and why we need Jesus. But Simon was wrong. Jesus is the only one who can handle this correctly, in my opinion, but I don't think it's fair to justify Simon and vilify Matthew instead of holding them both in the wrong. Simon IS wrong, and Matthew is wrong, because everyone is wrong because all have sinned.

For some of the same reasons, I don't really like when Matthew says "I'm a bad person" in S2E6. Well, I'm ok with him saying that, but the way that Dallas talks about it in this "Come and See" show interview makes it seems like it's supposed to be a good thing. There's a difference between saying "I've done bad things", "I've done horrible things", or even "I was a bad person" and "I am a bad person". "I've done terrible things" is an admission of guilt, and it shows that you take responsibility for what you've done. Guilt is natural and you learn to work through it. But "I am bad person" is a statement about your worth as a human being. The point of the line is that Matthew is lifting Mary up by showing her that he's not perfect either, and that's beautiful. But instead, I saw a level of shame that is not healthy. Especially after he's turned to Jesus.

I know that some people are upset that Matthew hasn't apologized, and I agree that he should regret his past actions. But as someone who struggles with depression and self-loathing myself, I see it as a problem that this level of negative self-talk is promoted as a good thing. I can't accept that after you've stopped the problematic behavior, and after you've left everything behind to follow Jesus, you should still think of yourself as a bad person.

Shame is not productive or beneficial. Healthy guilt tells you that you need redemption, and it leads you to God. Shame tells you that you're incapable of redemption, and it drives you away from God. Shame is what Mary M is feeling at that moment. Why did they let Matthew disparage himself when they're trying to say that Mary shouldn't disparage herself? Why is it a good thing for Matthew to think badly of himself for what he did, and yet it's a bad thing for Mary to think badly of herself for what she did? There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). No condemnation for anyone, back then or today. None whatsoever. Shame is not spread in the Kingdom of God.

The thing that irks me is that the show knows this, the writers know that shame is unhealthy because in the show, Jesus is always telling people to "look up" instead of hanging their heads in shame. They did Mary right when she went astray (Jesus told her she didn't have to be perfect and to look up, S2E6) and they did Simon P right (Jesus tells him to look up when he calls himself a sinful man, S1E4) and they did James and John right (Jesus jokes with them after their mistake, S2E1). I just need them to do Matthew right.

But wait a minute...they already had "Matthew done right". The writers already wrote the perfect mindset for Matthew, way back in Season 2 Episode 2:

That is exactly how he should think now that he's turned away from his old life. Even Simon P is speechless for a moment because he knows that Matthew is right. So why would you have him revert? Why should he go backwards from acceptance into shame and guilt? And if you are going to have him do that, why would you promote it as a good thing?

I was originally going to hold this back until episode 8 came out because I want to see how Jesus will handle this. Hopefully, Matthew will get his "look up" moment and everything I said will be null and void. Fingers crossed.

I hope no one thinks that I'm angry at the writers or that I don't like the show, because I absolutely love it. If I didn't like the show, I wouldn't have spent this much time on a blog post. But what I believe about the God's redemption is more important than a TV show, so I just had to say this :)

#kisses not disses #unpopular opinion #feel free to disagree #the chosen discussion

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seducing-a-vampire · 4 years

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ON BEING HONEST AND WHY I THINK SIMON WILL BE THE FIRST TO SAY “I LOVE YOU”

Two things sparked this meta:

Baz yelling “you’re so beautiful” to Simon, but Simon not hearing it— the moment that lives rent-free in my head 24/7

Rainbow’s recent Fall for the Book interview, when she said that she thinks that Baz is “settling for Simon” in Wayward Son

Here’s something we all know: our guys really suck at saying nice things out loud to each other. For two people are constantly thinking nauseatingly sweet and loving things about each other, they almost never actually verbalize them.

I ended up going through a lot of quotes and tracking some of the nice things that they actually do say to each other, and I’ll offer some very r a m b l i n g thoughts on what I think Simon and Baz’s respective paths indicate for AWTWB.

I was interested in the intersection of when Simon and Baz are being honest to each other (aka saying some of the nice things that they’re always thinking) with when Simon and Baz are being honest about themselves (aka self-acceptance).

TL;DR, my prediction for their path through honesty is:

Simon’s self-acceptance (which starts at the end of WS)

Simon’s honesty to Baz re: love

Baz’s honesty to Simon re: love

Baz’s self acceptance

**Below the cut because it got super long, yikes**

Phase 1: Simon being nice/honest in CO

The first nice-ish interaction between Simon and Baz in Carry On is when Simon follows Baz up to the Mage’s office, and they find Baz’s baby photo:

“Here,” [Simon] says softly, holding it out to me. “I’m… sorry.” (204)

Simon tones down his initial hostility in this scene after he sees the photo. This moment, along with Natasha’s visitation, catalyzes a real change in how Simon views Baz, and it’s indicative of the larger shift (vulnerability → Simon seeing Baz as more than his enemy → Baz wearing jeans → oops I love him). This trajectory continues during their truce-- there are still a few moments of hostility, but honestly on the whole, Simon is pretty nice to Baz:

“You don’t want to hurt me,” I say, trying to push him back. “Isn’t that right? I’m sorry. Look at me, I’m sorry.” (210)

“I’ll help you,” he says (217)

“Baz,” I yell. “No! You’re flammable!” (238)

All of this culminates in the kisses in the forest, and Simon says a few more nice and affirming things around that point:

“They say your soul dies.” “That’s tosh,” he says. (300)

“You’re not a monster,” I say. His face is cold as a corpse in my hand. “I was wrong. All those years. You’re a bully. And a snob. And a complete arsehold. But you’re not one of them.” (339)

“I won’t,” I say. I’ve never turned my back on you. And I’m not starting now.” (340)

Something that stood out to me after reviewing these moments is that Simon’s shift from enemies to lovers is actually pretty linear. As he learns more about Baz during their truce and they grow closer, Simon hates Baz less and consequently says nicer things to him, until he ultimately realizes he doesn’t hate Baz at all, so he kisses him and asks him to be his boyfriend. Weirdly logical behavior for someone so thick. Simon is being pretty open and honest, and this makes sense because Simon understands himself pretty well at this point. His big crisis of character comes in the next book.

The thing is, at this point in Carry On, Baz has not said a single nice thing to Simon. The closest you could get is when he asks Simon to come to his house for Christmas, which is a great moment but is quickly muddled by their ensuing fight.

(awesome thoughts about that moment here)

Baz has acted nicely, but he has remained sarcastic and aloof even after Simon kisses him.

We get a few compliments of Simon’s power:

“You have to stop doing that.”

“What?”

“Godlike displays of magic.” (348)

“You’re the most powerful magician alive-- who’s ever lived, probably.” (355)

I won’t repeat @super-duper-twelve’s brilliant meta on this, but this category of compliment is not ultimately that useful for their general communication.

Simon keeps pushing, despite the cold walls Baz tries to put up, and he asks Baz to be his “terrible boyfriend.” Honestly, it astounds me how much confidence Simon must’ve had to just shoot his shot there, because Baz was not giving him a ton of reason to think he’d go for it. Me as simon would’ve definitely been like: ok cool, nice kiss, he definitely still hates me though.

Phase 2: Baz being nice/honest

I want to be clear: it’s perfectly understandable why Baz, a flawed fictional character, is not nice to Simon. His trajectory from enemies to lovers is completely different, because he’s spent years loving Simon while acting like his enemy. He’s had great practice at that, and it’s the most relatable thing ever that he is afraid of getting hurt when he’s believed Simon to be an impossible dream for so long. This is also understandable when viewed through the lens of self-acceptance because huge facets of Baz’s identity are constantly being covered up and ignored by himself or by the people close to him (vampire, gay). He knows himself, sure, but he’s a very long way from self-acceptance.

Anyway, Baz does actually agree to be Simon’s boyfriend, and we get a couple of honest Nice Things that they say to each other during that brief period.

Unfortunately, this mutual honesty/niceness is incredibly short lived, because everything changes quickly after this: Humdrum, Mage, Ebb, etc. Simon’s world falls apart, and Baz is there to comfort him, affirm him, and (finally) be honest and nice. Their whole dynamic turns on its head.

“You did it, didn’t you?” Baz whispers. “You defeated the Humdrum. You saved the day, you courageous fuck. You absolute nightmare.” (491)

“It’s going to be okay… it’s all right, love.” (492)

“You were the centre of my universe,” I say. “Everything else spun around you.” (506)

“Looking at you was like looking directly into the sun.” (507)

“You’re still Simon Snow. You’re still the hero of this story--” (507)

“It was brave. It was brave and selfless and clever. That’s who you are, Simon. And I’m not going to get bored with you.” (507)

“I choose you,” I say. “Simon Snow, I choose you.” (508)

To summarize and possibly oversimplify:

Up until the night of the Mage and Ebb’s death, Simon was the one pushing forward, being honest, and looking to break down the boundaries and walls between them.

After that point, Baz finally feels ready to be all in with Simon, and Simon retreats inward.

Phase 3: Wayward Son

We see this dynamic play out in Wayward Son, with almost no change throughout the whole book. Right from the very first chapter, Simon is thinking:

“Everything that happened with the Mage and the Hum-drum just made Baz more of who he was meant to be… He proved himself as a man and a magician. He proved himself right: The Mage really was evil! And I really was a fraud—’the worst Chosen One who’s ever been chosen,’ just like Baz used to say. He was right about me all along. “ (8)

I think it’s really notable that Simon can use his boyfriend’s words to justify his own worst self-doubts and self-loathings, because it indicates the consequences of them spending way more time insulting each other than ever being honest and affirming.

In Wayward Son, tender and honest moments between Simon and Baz are few and far between and mostly in the form of post-battle kisses. The only real communication that we see between them comes in flashbacks, wherein we see how much Simon has pulled back from Baz (the descriptions of his reaction to physical intimacy being one example of this).

Even when Baz says nice things to Simon and affirms him, Simon’s presumed depression largely keeps him from believing and internalizing those things (through no real fault of either person. Again, very understandable ways for both of these flawed characters with traumatic pasts to behave!!!!!). Baz yells, “you’re so beautiful” to Simon, and he doesn’t even hear him (a gutting moment that I consider indicative of the general dynamic between them throughout the book).

Now, we get to Rainbow’s comments about Baz “settling for Simon.” I feel this. Simon is pushing Baz away and giving Baz basically nothing, and that is not a healthy dynamic. Baz is going through his own crap and self-doubt and self-acceptance, and Simon is not there for him apart from fits of jealous rage. As we learned in Carry On, it takes a lot for Baz to even feel remotely comfortable expressing his feelings for Simon, and with many months lacking that, it starts to wilt.

What’s next: Prologue and AWTWB

Of course, the moment of truest communication in the second book comes at the very end:

“Why can’t you just admit that you’d be happier here?” “Why can’t you see that I wouldn't be happier anywhere without you?” (353)

I think the key to understanding what might come after this agonizing moment lies with Simon’s thoughts as he sits alone on the beach.

Before Baz arrives, Simon’s not thinking about his boyfriend. He’s thinking about himself. He’s contemplating his role in the World of Mage’s (hello, synopsis for AWTWB), and he’s taking a good, long look in the mirror. He’s starting to be honest about himself and accept himself (not perfectly, and I think this imperfect acceptance is reflected in his expressed desire to get rid of his wings, but he’s getting there).

When Simon talks about Baz staying in America and being happy, Simon is not closing himself up and pushing Baz away, which he had done for so long and which caused so much miscommunication up to this point. Rather, this is a moment of true honesty on Simon’s part.

Baz does need to learn more about himself and his vampirism. Simon recognizes this about Baz, just as Simon is trying to understand himself, too. In this moment, Simon is being true and vulnerable and speaking from a place of love. Baz refuses to self-reflect honestly and understand the truth in what Simon is saying, instead clinging to his love for Simon (without actually verbalizing that love). Throughout WS, Baz makes very stunted progress (see: his floral clothing as symbolism, being able to retract his fangs, meeting other vampires and learning about immortality and all that fun stuff), but in the end he doesn’t let himself actually think about that in any real way. Despite what Simon says, Baz has not yet “become more of who he was meant to be.”

Importantly, this is in the “Prologue,” the beginning of the next phase in their healing and their relationship. As the balance shifts, this could be the beginning of real communication, but Simon needs to take the next step. At the end of WS, Baz is the one holding back. Baz isn’t able to accept himself honestly, so he won’t be able to fully let Simon in, either.

Until Simon says “I love you,” they won’t get anywhere in their relationship. Simon needs to say it first, he needs to be vulnerable and honest in a way that he hasn’t been since before the Mage’s death, and Baz needs to understand those feelings in order to fully express his own. Then, I see Simon’s fully expressed love and support as a catalyst for Baz’s final self-acceptance.

I think Simon will be unable to fully express his love for Baz until he has understood and accepted himself. However, Baz will continue to prioritize Simon/love over his own self-acceptance until either (A) Simon and Baz break up, or (B) Baz finally has confidence and security in their relationship because Simon has broken down the barriers of honesty and said “I love you.” Simon needing to say “I love you” first also gets at the idea of Simon needing to become someone that Baz deserves (per Rainbow’s words).

So, I predict this as their path through honesty:

Simon’s self-acceptance (which starts at the end of WS)

Simon’s honesty to Baz re: love

Baz’s honesty to Simon re: love

Baz’s self acceptance

And then they will live happily ever after. The end.

*** Please let me know what you think and if this makes any sense!! ***

#carry on meta #wayward son #simon snow meta #carry on #awtwb #awtwb predictions #snowbaz #my nonsense

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cherry-interlude · 3 years

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Lana Del Rey Album Songs Ranking (Remade)

It’s been a few years since I ranked all of Lana’s (album) songs so I wanted to do it again. This is all my OPINION, which I’m sure some people might disagree with, but you don’t have to agree with it. This is also a very long post.

Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood

This cover song is just a little too drab and uninteresting to me, and I never listen to it. After the brilliant, sprawling, sexy, heart-breaking tracks on Honeymoon, this feels like a tacked-on track just to plump up the album. It feels simply like a cover.

For Free

Though this is a well-made song, with three brilliant women owning the track, it again just feels like a cover. It fits in well with Chemtrails, but by the time I get to this song I’ve had my fill.

Breaking Up Slowly

It just feels repetitive and simple, something only to have on in the background while my attention is diverted. It’s a good song and a nice attempt at bringing Lana’s country music in, but it does little to keep me interested.

God Knows I Tried

This song is filler. Jammed between the jazzy softness of Terrence Loves You and the pop favourite High By The Beach, this track just feels like it was sort of shoved in. It doesn’t even feel completely right on Honeymoon, instead a throwaway song that bridges Ultraviolence and Honeymoon whilst not fitting in with either album.

Though perfect for the credits of a Hollywood movie, 24 has plenty of flair but nothing of substance. The lyrics aren’t as imaginative as most of Lana’s music and I’m not surprised this song found itself near the end of the album.

Lucky Ones

Personally, this song irritates me. It's sickly in its lyrics, sugary in the romance and classic Lana tropes of dangerous men and Lana starstruck by them no matter if they’re ‘careless cons and crazy liars’. The little flair of the verses and the overtly sweet chorus really irks me, especially following the brilliance that is Lana’s first ‘Del Rey’ album.

Coachella

It is a rushed track, sounding completely unfinished and hurried with an unconvincing track beat. Polished, it would be brilliant – but it sounds like Lana thought of the song (which sounds promising in the video where she sits in the forest and sings) and had to force it to ‘fit in’ with the trap-pop tracks on Lust For Life. The lyrics are thoughtful, if not cliché, but it could have been done better.

This Is What Makes Us Girls

It just doesn’t appeal to me. Maybe because I can’t connect to the lyrics in any way, I just don’t feel anything when I hear this song and choose to skip it. That being said, the demos are pretty fun.

God Bless America

As much as it’s a song honouring women during a period of time when feminism was being shaken, it doesn’t quite feel like Lana’s heart is in it. The patriotism is uneasy considering she was removing herself from the American flag and its associations, and the anthemic feel never lifts. It’s a sweet song, but never goes deeper than surface level.

Religion

Though fairly sexy and haunting – her unshaken faith to her man, her drawling voice – this delicate track is too simple and sombre for me to get completely into it. I always want to skip and get to my favourites.

In My Feelings

It’s great Lana has a bad-girl, bad-bitch, fuck-you pop track but this, like Coachella, feels unfinished. It has the vibe of work in progress, and the vocals are still messy (surely intentionally, though it doesn’t always come across that way) as well as trying slightly too hard. It doesn’t compare to Fucked My Way Up To The Top.

Beautiful People Beautiful Problems

The verses don’t match up to the choruses and I feel nothing – not empowered or emotional – when listening to this song, but it is a beautiful duet between Lana and Stevie. Their voices really are divine together and though I don’t listen to this song much, the demos are even better.

Change

Mostly because it freaks me out, this is a song I don’t often listen to. With a basic structure yet long, meandering lyrics, Lana broods over the state of America at the time, which can make for depressive listening. Though it’s a pretty enough song, it’s seriousness is too much to bear sometimes.

Blue Velvet

Sometimes too slow, Blue Velvet doesn’t inspire multiple listens in me, but it is a gorgeous cover and absolutely a showcase of Lana’s vocals.

Diet Mountain Dew

A cheeky little track that won many over, it still is hard for me to fully get into it. However, it ages like fine wine and is a wonderful step into the Lizzy Grant unreleased tracks (especially with the many, sometimes even better demos).

Burning Desire

It’s a messy song, with Lana’s vocals shaky and the instrumental not quite up to scratch, but this song is certainly a guilty pleasure and great for getting into the sexy mood. The car metaphors are a bit much, especially considering it’s for a car advert, but if you get past that it’s a song to add to your freaky playlist.

Money Power Glory

As powerful and dark as this song is, with incredible instrumentals and Lana at her most dynamic, I barely remember the lyrics of the verses, instead waiting for the rich choruses.

Swan Song

A gentle track that has a lot of untapped power behind it, this is a quiet stormer of a song that has a lot of heart and grace. It may be a filler track, but it is definitely better than some.

Bartender

Even more gentle is the confessional, piano-led Bartender, which is a sweet little love song stripped back much like Lana’s simple romance where she sneaks out to see her lover. The main (and probably ridiculous) thing that keeps me from falling in love with this song more – though I’m already pretty amazed by it – is the very quiet sound of feedback that comes and goes, a fuzzy noise that is very subtle but distracting enough for me.

The Next Best American Record

This song would be higher if it was Architecture – the gorgeous, well-thought stunner that wowed us all when it was leaked. The lyrics are less fractured relationship and more wishy washy, wiping away the gritty sadness that made Architecture so beloved (at least to me). Now it’s been made ‘happier’, it’s hard to tell what the song is – is Lana happy with her lover or is she sad like in the unreleased version? Is this a break up song or a celebration of the romance? What does it mean now that it is both of them that are obsessed with writing? It’s something for me to certainly explore more, but it is paled in comparison to the original.

When The World Was At War

This track grew on me, with the hidden lyrics, fun vocals and hopeful message. Lana knows how to make a song that lifts your mood and this is certainly one of them.

Guns and Roses

I used to despise this song – finding it boring and dull. However, after giving it a listen years later, it is in fact a beautiful song with a gritty feel that is perfect for Ultraviolence. It fits in perfectly with the album and the extended tracks, and though it isn’t the strongest lyrically, the vocals and dreamy feel is thrilling.

Lolita

I choose to listen to this song without the underage character – or romantic connotations of her – in mind, instead seeing this song as a grown woman trying to charm an older man. However, as I have grown older – and read (and loved) the book several times more – I feel more inclined to distance myself from this song. It’s a fun, perky pop track but it definitely feels dated.

Dance Till We Die

Lana sings of her connection to other famous female singers and her daughter’s chosen name, making this a very personal pop song that also reminds of When The World Was At War for its hopeful and ultimately positive edge. It is a little slow but incredible touching, and the bridge is so kickass you can’t help but dance along.

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

This is a very sweet little song that again showcases the more positive side of Lana’s music, rather than the heartbroken and distressed women she tends to play. Though it is a filler song it’s a very pretty one and so catchy.

Wild At Heart

Wild At Heart is similar to Not All Who Wander Are Lost in that it’s a departure from a tragic femme fatale, instead a love song that also mimics Swan Song in that she considers leaving fame for her lover. What makes it even better is how Lana samples How To Disappear, a much sadder track, and twists it into something happy with this ultimately more upbeat album.

Radio

Like Diet Mountain Dew, Radio is another perky tune that is more than just a catchy filler. It’s a little bit sassy and has an edge to it (with the expletives and how her life is sweet not like sugar but cinnamon) that keeps it from being too frothy. Speaking of Lana’s newfound fame, it’s a nice break from the love ballads and tragedies peppered throughout Born To Die.

Without You

Shockingly dramatic, Without You is the ultimate symbol of Lana’s older music – a woman who could only feel happy unless her man was in her life. She has definitely moved on for the most part from wailing her demise at losing her lover but Without You is still glamorous, catchy and perfect to singalong to.

The Other Woman

This is one of Lana’s best covers – Nina Simone’s song about being the other woman and how it is in fact lonely and heart-breaking. Lana makes the song her own, her vocals stunning and lo-fi with instrumentals that are perfect for Ultraviolence.

How To Disappear

I feel that the live version of How To Disappear, where she sung it on stage before it was released with its real instrumental, is the superior version. It’s stripped back and tender enough to feel the emotion thoroughly, but the album version doesn’t disappoint. It’s one of many great tracks from (what I think is) her best album, and has a great story within it.

Fucked My Way Up To The Top

Lana’s satirical, sexy and stirring Fucked My Way Up To The Top was just tongue-in-cheek enough to keep from being too much of a cliché. Perhaps based on her real experiences but definitely a fuck-you to anyone who critiques her for owning her sexuality, it’s a little bit controversial but an incredible song.

Tomorrow Never Came

This song, which is a gorgeous duet with Sean Ono Lennon and a nice nod to 20th century music, subverts expectations that it is a sad song by in fact including a happy ending. I love how it can make you cry with both sadness and happiness, and tells a sweet story that paints pictures of parks and country houses.

Yosemite

The long-awaited Yosemite didn’t disappoint, and though it took a while to grow on me it became a classic and somehow familiar track. It’s impossible to not sing or dance to it and wouldn’t be out of place in Lust For Life.

Hope Is A Dangerous Thing

It’s quite slow – the Change/24/Old Money of Norman Fucking Rockwell – but it is clearly a personal and well-thought song that references Lana’s great inspiration Sylvia Plath. Lana’s deft at getting her thoughts out in song and I think though it’s not a song I often listen to, it is beautiful.

Honeymoon

The sweeping violins, dramatic vocals and the dangerous undercurrent makes Honeymoon crackle with electricity. It’s an amazing introduction to an album that once again has dangerous men, bad girls who get hurt but are strong again and amazing instrumentals. Though it’s not the best song from the album, it sets the tone perfectly.

Million Dollar Man

Like Without You, it’s another song of complete devastation, which Lana has grown from in her music. Million Dollar Man shows some great vocals and lyrics, and gets the emotion out perfectly whilst honouring the music that inspired her.

Old Money

The verses are pretty enough but they don’t catch my attention the way the choruses do. The slow, steady song took a long time for me to really appreciate but it’s impossible not to feel some kind of emotion when Lana lets her lover know she will be with them whenever they need her.

Sad Girl

Like The Other Woman, Sad Girl shows how being the other woman has it’s downfalls but appreciates the sexy, exciting side of it – how alluring her man is and how much of a bad bitch she may be. Once again, it’s a pure Ultraviolence song that shows Lana’s vocals and music in the best way whilst showcasing the classic caricature of the femme fatale.

Dark Paradise

Strangely upbeat for such a sad song, Dark Paradise is great to dance to but also something that makes you want to cry. Lana’s vocalisations and dramatic lyrics don’t quite compare to some of her other songs but Dark Paradise is iconic.

Summertime Sadness

The slow-burn, emotional gut punch that is Summertime Sadness is always a classic and one of Lana’s best. Though it is far from my personal favourite it is absolutely an outstanding song and the perfect example of Lana’s most well-made and well-delivered songs.

Gods and Monsters

The strained Gods and Monsters is a great tale about the evil side of fame, which Lana never quite delves too deeply into but gives a metaphorical and mildly personal nod to. Gods and Monsters is one of those songs that has you singing along and feeling strong.

Carmen

Carmen is a beautiful, sad story that feels rich and luxurious despite its harrowing lyrics of an alcoholic star. The French bridge adds to the decadence and it feels like a dirty alcohol bottle wrapped in silk, from the tentative verses to the unnerving chorus.

Born To Die

One of Lana’s original pop chart tracks, this is a song that never grows old. It’s one of the blueprints of the Lana Del Rey era and deftly shows her vocals whilst setting the tone for the pessimistic, romantic star in the early 2010s.

Salvatore

Opening with laughing – or crying – Salvatore has an eerie feel to it, though it is completely erotic in feel (enough to ignore some of the simpler lyrics). It is a song that feels dreamy, much like the rest of Honeymoon, but passionate and reminding of some of her older music (from the vocals in the bridge that have a Lolita/Fucked My Way Up To The Top feel to them to the continued trope of bad boys and glamour).

Flipside

Dirty, gritty and quite contained, Flipside is a song that I wished had more attention. It’s not her most imaginative song but there’s something about it, from the gloomy guitars to the hushed vocals, that have me wanting to sing it over and over. It also is one of her great fuck-off songs, as sympathetic as it is resilient.

Doin’ Time

Lana really turns this song into her own with the summery instrumentals and the pop edge she is so good at. It’s surprisingly one of her best covers and a fresh-feeling track that isn’t bogged down by emotion or maudlin music.

Lust For Life

Breathless and oh-so-romantic, Lust For Life is one of those songs that was perfect for the charts, and a key piece in Lana’s turn into becoming more positive. However, as fun and lovely as this song is, the demos are a whole other ball game. A little more ethereal, they fit Lana much more perfectly and it’s sad she dismissed the witchy feel for a song that is brilliant but generic.

Love

One of Lana’s warmest and most refreshing songs, she looks at love with fondness and dedicates this track to her ‘kids’. She knows her fans well and to make a song that references them (much like Happiness Is A Butterfly’s nod to her ‘babies’) makes this song all the more pleasant.

The Greatest

Lana’s vocals are put to good use in this intimately-written song. She speaks her mind in her reminiscence of the past and the worries for the future, all with a storming chorus that is certainly one of her best.

Love Song

Tender and almost tentative, Love Song is one of those tracks that is romantic through-and-through. It’s stripped back enough to feel like it really is a private song for only her lover’s ears, just as confessional as Cinnamon Girl and Bartender.

White Mustang

Short but sweet, this song has all the makings of a Lana Del Rey song, harking back to the Born To Die days with her imagery and fallen love affair, but it is spiky enough to be part of her later music where she starts giving less shits. The whistling and race cars are a nice touch, displaying her play on words snugly.

Dark But Just A Game

Sort of jazzy, Dark But Just A Game is ever-shifting and never quite settles on a particular sound. It’s cohesive, however, and clearly states what Lana is thinking in a way that works with the rest of Chemtrails. It’s pretty sexy as well, which doesn’t hurt the enjoyability factor.

High By The Beach

The wooziness, the carelessness and the growth from a woman begging to be put in a movie to a woman who is able to do as she pleases. Lana stumbles and swears through the song but knows exactly what she wants – and it isn’t disappointing men or stalking paparazzi.

Let Me Love You Like A Woman

Some may think it much slower and more boring than a lot of her tracks, but I think it’s a tidy, sweet track. Lana plainly states her love, urges her man to run away with her and lets her emotions (and voice) do the talking.

Summer Bummer

Lana is as restless as a hot summer in this song and it works. Her brisk-paced yet soft-voiced lyrics and gorgeous imagery gets my pulse racing, and ASAP Rocky’s verse works well for it. Though it would have been interesting to get a full, solo Summer Bummer, Rocky adds an edge to this song and compliments his ‘lover’ well.

Groupie Love

Much more flowery and wide-eyed, Groupie Love is like a contradiction. Lana’s passionate dalliance with Rocky’s god-like star opposes the relationship in Summer Bummer (uncertain) but both are just as secret. Groupie Love has the edge of being ultra-dreamy and demonstrating pure love – and lust – without the messiness.

American

It’s a filler track that has potential for much more. It’s an adorable song, almost cautious in its lead-up to the satisfying chorus, and is filled with Lana tropes galore. Following Lana’s stressed Ride and coming before the darkly sensual Cola, American is a breath of fresh air.

National Anthem

What an anthem it is. It’s simply provocative and one of her most classic tracks. Mixing love, money and fame together with a bit of sex thrown in, National Anthem is precisely what Lana’s America seems to be.

Is This Happiness?

It’s muted, mournful and resentful, questioning a relationship that Lana wants to keep but at the same time doesn’t. This is one of Lana’s best sad songs, tearful as it is still adoring beneath the exasperation.

Art Deco

Art Deco is purely dreamy, a song to bathe in. The lyrics are a little bit simple but Lana’s vocals and the flowing, aquatic music is the perfect hook.

Terrence Loves You

Lana’s jazzy song is delicate, letting only her voice and the saxophone dominate. With references to David Bowie, Lana pines for someone who hurt her badly, but she soothes herself with music the way plenty of her fans do when listening to her records.

White Dress

The vocals were a surprise at first – high, strained whispers – but they definitely grew on me. Painting a picture of young Lana loving life and dreaming of bigger things, it’s nostalgic in lyrics but also reminds of some of Lana’s old work – her unreleased tracks where she would serve coke and fries.

Chemtrails

It gets better as it goes on, growing and twisting from a song to sunbathe to into a restless, darkening track. It has the best vibe for an idealised world with something a bit off, and the imagery of pools, jewels and schools grounds Lana into a (very, very rich) normality rather than the glamorous star she always liked to portray.

13 Beaches

Opening with a quote from Carnival of Souls, Lana takes High By The Beach to the next level. She goes from sticking her middle finger up to the paparazzi to simply wishing she would be allowed to live her life without them hounding her. It’s a matured approach that uses sound interestingly, with beeps and whines adding a strange texture to the song.

Cola

The controversial line was intended as humour, but strangely it works. Even if Cola is satire like Fucked My Way Up To The Top, Lana owns the ‘other woman’, the patriotic singer, the sexy and unashamed woman who says what she thinks without caring of the consequences. It’s an iconic song, even if you have to turn the volume down to not offend.

Black Beauty

The unreleased version is ten times more emotive, with its stripped back and lonesome feel, but the album version is just as good. The ultimately loving but unhappy lyrics are full of stunning imagery, and this is a song that would have been perfect with a music video.

Body Electric

Blasphemous as much as it honours icons, Lana sinfully owns Body Electric. The bridge is a bit out of place but Lana’s eyebrow-raising approach to religion and sexuality is genius.

Off To The Races

The best demonstration of Lana’s vocals, Lana plays the glam girl without a care just as well as the Lolita-type, needy lover in this ode to money and her man. The soaring bridge is stunning, and the swirling violins add an air of Hollywood to it.

Bel Air

Completely overlooked (in my opinion), Bel Air is an apologetic song of redemption, a shining and honest track that is as touching as much as it is hazy and tranquil. With soft piano and the sound of children opening and closing the song respectively, it’s set apart from Paradise with a pureness that Lana pulls off well.

Ultraviolence

Controversial at the time and still controversial now, Ultraviolence is about being weak, about giving in to love no matter how toxic. I don’t entirely support the lyrics but it’s a stunning song, lo-fi enough to feel uneasy and haunting. When you shut off from the lyrics, you get a simply beautiful track.

Pretty When You Cry

Lana’s imperfect, close-to-tears vocals are wonderful in this song, and she really lets her emotion shine through. The pained guitar and Lana’s increasingly distressed singing are enough to get you feeling exactly as she does.

Florida Kilos

Fun. Fresh. Freeing. Lana’s ode to drugs is simply something to dance to and sing, and she somehow manages to get the sunny feeling across even with the Ulraviolence-esque grunginess. It’s one of my favourite songs of Lana’s because it’s just so happy, which is a nice departure from some of her heavier tracks.

Cherry

Many people’s favourite – Cherry. It was my favourite of Lana’s for a long time, dripping with sex appeal and sadness but with a cute dance to compliment it. It had all the right stuff wrapped up in a tidy, compact box and the imagery is lush. I still love this song but since then we’ve had the ‘Cherries’ of her next few albums, Cinnamon Girl and Tulsa Jesus Freak. Like these, Cherry was a song that seemed set apart from the rest of the album and was a novel take on her typical music.

California

Simply for It's meaningful, raw lyrics – promising to be there as soon as he wants her, much like in Old Money – California is a sun-soaked dream with a very honest approach. Lana isn’t completely devastated, or begging for her lover to return. She is sad but realistic, and only wants the best for him. It’s beautiful and sad with a crazily addictive chorus.

West Coast

The shift from fast-paced, grungey, whispered verses to sprawling, drawling choruses – complete with weirdly sexy beeps towards the end of the song – shook us all, and it’s one of Lana’s most interesting songs. Lana honours the West Coast but also her man, in love with the music scene as much as she is with him.

Shades of Cool

The snide verses. The gradually growing music. The guitars. The explosive chorus. The nuclear bridge. The absolutely perfect timing and pacing. Shades of Cool is flawless, another Sad Girl but with much more power, emotion and music.

The Blackest Day

The Blackest Day needs more attention. Cold in places, almost lost, but then wounded in the chorus, The Blackest Day rolls with the emotions and is the kind of song that makes you want to fall apart and sob. Which is good, in a way, as it shows how brilliantly Lana conveys emotion.

Freak

Cult-like and haunting, this is the sexy predecessor of California. Lana swoons and tempts in this track, from her harmonising to her pouting “take it to the back if you really wanna talk” - not to mention the rest of the song in its entirely, all elements married together to create the perfect seductive track.

Music To Watch Boys To

Like Art Deco, Music To Watch Boys To is fairly aquatic and dreamy. Like Freak, it has that cult vibe (the chanting of the bridge). However, this song is perfectly its own, from the mix-up of vocal styles to the shifting tone (sad to smug to obsessively in love).

Norman Fucking Rockwell

What an opener. Norman Fucking Rockwell lets the actual singing and lyrics do the talking, the instrumentals pushed back enough to let Lana’s gut-punching first line (“God damn, man child, you fucked me so good that I almost said I love you”) and her blue yet annoyed insults to her Norman Rockwell do the talking.

Mariner’s Apartment Complex

It’s a song for yourself and for the people you love. Lana is strong enough to take care of herself, to be her own guidance – and to take on her lover’s problems too. It’s an empowering song, so distant from a lot of her discography, and I adore the nautical references and the hopeful message.

Brooklyn Baby

Satire again, but it still works. Lana plays a (fairly cringey) and somewhat self-absorbed, over-confident singer who is too cool for her own boyfriend, but she does it well. From saying how she wished people didn’t judge her, to the freedom the seventies gives her, to the warm guitars and upbeat tone, to the backup vocals of Seth Kaufman, Brooklyn Baby is a song to remember for all the right reasons.

Ride

Ride is one of Lana’s best, if not the best. With her devotion to America and her open thoughts about needing other people to make her feel good and happy, Lana knocks it out of the park with the superb step up from Born To Die.

Video Games

Video Games is just beautiful, plain and simple. Lana’s low voice, telling a flowing story of the simplicities of true love, are removed from her ‘famous singer’ image she constantly tried to portray and instead open up to the heart of what she has always sung about: love and its many forms, good or bad.

Get Free

The new take on Ride was a pleasant surprise. From changing the lyrics to show she wants to move on and be happy to (silently) name-dropping her influences, Lana’s manifesto was a personal song that we could all resonate with. The outro of the beach was the perfect closer to Lust For Life, and Get Free summarised the album which took her from sad girl to someone who could let herself move on.

Heroin

Heroin is no doubt one of her best. It’s tense and dark, referencing Manson and (allegedly) a friend she lost years ago. Lana lets herself dive into her worst thoughts headfirst, not so much dreamy as it is nightmarish, but still comes out the other side dreaming of marzipan and ready to move on.

Tulsa Jesus Freak

The third of the ‘Cherries’, Tulsa Jesus Freak goes straight to a happy place. Where Cherry was angry and Cinnamon Girl was cautious, this track dives into being comfortable with her man. It was just as passionate as the other two songs but about religion, sex and self-satisfaction.

Blue Jeans

Plucking guitars, crying violins and Lana weaving a tale about a gangsta who left her, without explanation, and the hurt that follows. Similarly tied to Dark Paradise, Blue Jeans is the next level of that, her tough-girl spoken verses dismissed as the choruses open up and she pours her heart out.

Cruel World

Lana is on top-form on this song, furious, maddened, sad, taunting – she hits every emotion with style. Lana grows more and more unstable as the song goes on, invoking images of a woman scorned and no longer taking that shit, but she still has a fragility about her as she comes undone that is tied directly to her Ultraviolence era.

Happiness Is A Butterfly

This song goes through many stages. She is unsure, not knowing how her lover feels. She is optimistic, elated as she tries to capture the butterfly. She is dismissive, no longer caring if she might get hurt – she loves too much. She is pissed off, sick of being treated badly. She gives in, simply wanting to dance and just be happy. The flow of this song is constant, a little messy, but it has the beautiful message pinned to it: to keep trying to be happy and do what you love.

Fuck It I Love You

I love the music video version more than the album version, the latter being more stripped back. Fuck It I Love You just gives in to emotion, acknowledging Lana is hurt, her lover is hurt, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him. She simply lets that feeling take over.

Cinnamon Girl

Cinnamon Girl touched me like no other Lana song has. Where Cherry was a mixture of emotions, good and bad, angry and loving, devastated and thrilled, Cinnamon Girl was about cautious optimism. Lana urges her lover to give in, and she knows – smiling as she sings it – she wins.

Venice Bitch

Venice Bitch just has that soothing, unhindered feel to it – and not just from the nine minutes of pure music and vibe. Lana dedicates this song to the kind of love that is just wholesome and homely, all whilst touching on her insanity, her ever-lasting love for America and the modern world (her live streams). It feels nostalgic yet contemporary, and adding the “fucks” and “bitch[es]” helps keep this song from being to sugary sweet but instead what it is – an honest love song rooted in the idealised and the realistic.

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booksociety · 4 years

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Book Society presents its November reading event! This time our members have selected Behind the Mask as the theme and A Song of Wraiths and Ruin by Roseanne A. Brown as the optional book of the month. The event will be full of mystery, as we’ll be reading books featuring a prominent theme of secret or hidden identity. We hope you come and join us! This event is open to everyone, not just our members.

✧ how to participate:

optional: reblog this post; check out our network and members

read (or reread) either A Song of Wraiths and Ruin (A Song of Wraiths and Ruin #1) (young adult, fantasy, romance; 480 pages; TW & CW: death, animal death, panic disorder) or a book of your choice that fits this month’s theme

share what book you’ve chosen, thoughts, reactions, and/or creations

use the tag #booksocietynet (see terms of use) in your event posts, and include “@booksociety’s Behind the Mask Event: [insert book title here]” in the description of your creations

the event starts on November 1 and ends on November 30

✧ reading recommendations (under the cut):

Across a Star-Swept Sea (For Darkness Shows the Stars #2) by Diana Peterfreund (young adult, dystopian, romance; 449 pages)

Alanna: The First Adventure (Song of the Lioness #1) by Tamora Pierce (middle grade, fantasy; 274 pages)

A Princess in Theory (Reluctant Royals #1) by Alyssa Cole (adult, contemporary, romance; 360 pages)

A Song Below Water (A Song Below Water #1) by Bethany C. Morrow (young adult, fantasy, contemporary; 288 pages; TW & CW: suicidal intent, police brutality, racism)

Bonds of Brass (The Bloodright Trilogy #1) by Emily Skrutskie (young adult, sci-fi, lgbt+; 304 pages; TW & CW: violence, war, invasion, oppression)

Bring Me Their Hearts (Bring Me Their Hearts #1) by Sara Wolf (young adult, fantasy, romance; 370 pages; TW & CW: violence, blood, gore)

Cinder (The Lunar Chronicles #1) by Marissa Meyer (young adult, sci-fi, romance; 400 pages; TW & CW: terminal illness, child death, child abuse, ableism)

Code Name Verity (Code Name Verity #1) by Elizabeth Wein (young adult, historical; 352 pages; TW & CW: torture, death, war)

Cruel Beauty (Cruel Beauty #1) by Rosamund Hodge (young adult, fantasy, romance, retelling; 346 pages)

Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia (young adult, contemporary, romance, mental health; 385 pages; TW & CW: suicidal intent, anxiety, bullying, cyberbullying)

Fake Like Me by Barbara Bourland (adult, contemporary, mystery, thriller; 368 pages)

Flame in the Mist (Flame in the Mist #1) by Renée Ahdieh (young adult, fantasy, romance, historical; 392 pages; TW & CW: ritual suicide, death, violence)

From Blood and Ash (Blood and Ash #1) by Jennifer L. Armentrout (new adult, fantasy, romance; 634 pages)

Grave Mercy (His Fair Assassin #1) by Robin LaFevers (young adult, fantasy, romance, historical; 549 pages; TW & CW: sexual assault, physical abuse, violence, gore)

Jackpot by Nic Stone (young adult, contemporary, romance; 345 pages)

Legendborn (Legendborn #1) by Tracy Deonn (young adult, fantasy, romance, retellings; 512 pages)

Magyk (Septimus Heap #1) by Angie Sage (middle grade, fantasy; 564 pages)

Mirage (Mirage #1) by Somaiya Daud (young adult, sci-fi, romance; 320 pages; TW & CW: torture, death, violence, gore, racism)

Openly Straight (Openly Straight #1) by Bill Koningsberg (young adult, contemporary, romance, lgbt+; 320 pages)

Princess of Thorns by Stacey Jay (young adult, fantasy, romance, retelling; 400 pages)

Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon (adult, fantasy, lgbt+; 848 pages)

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman (young adult, contemporary; 416 pages)

Red Queen (Red Queen #1) by Victoria Aveyard (young adult, sci-fi, dystopian, romance; 383 pages; TW & CW: torture, violence, toxic relationship)

Red Rising (Red Rising Saga #1) by Pierce Brown (adult, sci-fi, dystopian; 382 pages; TW & CW: torture, death, violence, gore, colourism)

Renegades (Renegades #1) by Marissa Meyer (young adult, sci-fi; 556 pages; TW & CW: violence)

Roar (Stormheart #1) by Cora Carmack (young adult, fantasy, romance; 380 pages; TW & CW: torture, violence)

Serpent & Dove (Serpent & Dove #1) by Shelby Mahurin (new adult / young adult, fantasy, romance; 513 pages; TW & CW: torture, violence, gore, blood)

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda (Creekwood #1) by Becky Albertalli (young adult, contemporary, romance, lgbt+; 303 pages; TW & CW: homophobia)

Slay by Brittney Morris (young adult, contemporary; 323 pages; CW & TW: racism)

Spin the Dawn (The Blood of Stars #1) by Elizabeth Lim (young adult, fantasy, romance; 392 pages; TW & CW: sexual assault, off-page death of loved ones, war, violence, blood)

Spoiler Alert (Spoiler Alert #1) by Olivia Dade (adult, contemporary, romance; 416 pages; TW & CW: fatphobia, body shaming)

The Bird and the Sword (The Bird and the Sword Chronicles #1) by Amy Harmon (fantasy, romance; 328 pages)

The Bridge Kingdom (The Bridge Kingdom #1) by Danielle L. Jensen (new adult, fantasy, romance; 354 pages)

The Half Life of Molly Pierce by Katrina Leno (young adult, contemporary, mystery, thriller; 256 pages; TW & CW: suicide attempt, depression)

The Kiss of Deception (The Remnant Chronicles #1) by Mary E. Pearson (young adult, fantasy, romance; 492 pages)

The Last Magician (The Last Magician #1) by Lisa Maxwell (young adult, fantasy, historical; 500 pages; TW & CW: sexual assault, violence, racism)

The Magnolia Sword: A Ballad of Mulan by Sherry Thomas (young adult, historical, retelling; 348 pages; TW & CW: death of loved ones, war, violence, gore, slurs, sexism)

The Prince and the Dressmaker by Jen Wang (young adult, romance, lgbt+, graphic novel; 277 pages; TW & CW: transphobia)

The Princess and the Fangirl (Once Upon a Con #2) by Ashley Poston (young adult, contemporary, romance, lgbt+; 320 pages)

The Silvered Serpents (The Gilded Wolves #2) by Roshani Chokshi (young adult, historical, fantasy; 416 pages)

The Young Elites (The Young Elites #1) by Marie Lu (young adult, fantasy; 355 pages; TW & CW: self harm, death, violence)

The Winner's Crime (The Winner's Trilogy #2) by Marie Rutkoski (young adult, fantasy, romance; 416 pages; TW & CW: slavery, violence)

The Witch Hunter (The Witch Hunter #1) by Virginia Boecker (young adult, fantasy; 362 pages)

To Kill A Kingdom by Alexandra Christo (young adult, fantasy, romance; 344 pages; TW & CW: death, gore)

Tweet Cute by Emma Lord (young adult, contemporary, romance; 368 pages)

We Hunt the Flame (Sands of Arawiya #1) by Hafsah Faizal (young adult, fantasy, romance; 472 pages; TW & CW: torture, violence, death, sexism)

What the Wind Knows by Amy Harmon (adult, historical, romance; 411 pages; TW & CW: off-page death of a loved one, violence, blood)

White Tears by Hari Kunzru (adult, mystery, thriller; 271 pages)

#booksocietynet #*event #november 2020 event

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bazzybelle · 4 years

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HAPPY WAYWARD SON DAY!!!

Dear Wayward Son and @rainbowrowell ,

Thank you for pulling me out of my fog and pushing me to take my mental health seriously...

Thank you for helping me understand my issues in intimacy through Simon's voice, for helping me understand the helplessness that trauma can leave you through Penny's voice, and for helping me see how loving someone who's withdrawn can affect you through Baz's voice.

Thank you for giving me the burst of creativity to pick up a pen and start writing again after 8 years of creative darkness.

Thank you for introducing me to the best fandom that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. For introducing me to friends that I now hold so dear to my heart (that I cannot tag here because I cannot express my love through tumblr post, but I know in my heart that you all know who you are).

A fandom that is allowing me to FINALLY, and unashamedly be myself... my wacky, weird, queer self!

Thank you for being there through my journey to get better... through spirals, and panic attacks, and admitting to myself that I not only need medication, but that there's more to my mental health than just anxiety and depression, and that I have a ways to go before I can feel ok...

Which brings me to my final point...

THANK YOU for showing me, and a whole, large community out there that it's OK to not be OK. That our broken pieces are still worth love and acceptance and that our wounded inner dragons and vampires and worst Chosen Ones to ever be Chosen are loved... we are loved, we are valid, and this world has a place for all of us...

So Happy Birthday Wayward Son... I hope I was able to adequately express just how much you mean to me...

Love,

BazzyBelle

#carry on #wayward son #simon snow series #simon snow #baz pitch #Tyrannus Basilton Pitch #basilton pitch #happy birthday wayward son #Wayward Son Day #This started as a reblog #but i had feelings #and emotions #so it became a post #but it got eaten by tumblr mobile #so I'm risking being yelled at by my boss #to write this on desktop

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vampire-named-gampire · 4 years

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Carry On Countdown - Day 8

Hello! Here’s my fic for the @carryon-countdown. It’s longer than what I’d usually post on tumblr, but I haven’t really decided if I want to continue it or not and I don’t really have the time to decide since uni is kicking my butt this week. It’s un-beta’d so sorry for any grammar mistakes or just general messiness of it

Prompt: Rain Word count: 1669 Rating: Teens and up Summary:

Baz drags Simon out to play football, despite the stormy clouds looming above them.

SIMON

Baz insists that I play football with him. He says it’s so that he doesn’t get out of practice, but I know it’s because he’s trying to assure I get enough exercise. Apparently, it’s good for depression.

I do usually feel a bit better after our games, so I haven’t said no yet. (Even though he beats me every time.) Plus, sometimes it’s easier to compete with him than it is to be soft and do all that romance stuff, so I think it actually helps us. A bit.

I mean, it’s still hard sometimes. Being touched. Being kissed. But football is almost like fighting and we all know fighting makes things easier for me. Besides, Baz looks beautiful on the pitch. And he’s brilliant at football. And when he gets sweaty, he wipes his face in his shirt and I’m usually left staring at the faint trace of muscles in his stomach. (This must be a vampire thing – I’ve never seen him do crunches.) (Maybe he does them in secret.)

I think he’s noticed me staring and he does more of that on purpose now. I’m not complaining. I’ve stopped complaining about our football matches too.

Well, except today. The sky is grey and heavy with clouds and this is England, so it’s definitely going to rain. Baz knows this, yet he’s still dragged me out to the football field. Honestly, when I see him in shorts and a tight, Under Amour turtleneck under his t-shirt, I nearly stop complaining.

Nearly.

“We’re going to get soaked,” I announce as we get out of the car. Somehow, the sky has gotten even darker on our way from my flat to the football field.

“You’re not made of sugar, are you?” Baz says, grabbing his football ball.

“I’m going to leave puddles in your car. You wouldn’t like that.”

“I’ll spell you dry. Or I’ll make you sit on a towel.”

Damn, it was worth a try.

“Look, we have the whole field for ourselves,” Baz says as we pass the squeaky metal door onto the football field. It really is completely empty – usually, there are multiple groups playing at once on one field and it drives Baz up the wall. He says half of the blokes who come here don’t even have a basic grasp of ball control.

“Yeah, because everyone else is reasonable and can see that it’s going to start pouring any minute now,” I huff.

“Listen, if it starts raining, we can always go back. Now come on, warm-up.”

He makes me do warm-ups too. Five laps around the pitch and then some quick stretches. The first time we went, I was near death by the third lap, which is ridiculous, considering I used to fight monsters. (I guess a year of lying on the sofa will do that to you.)

The first time we went, I nearly doubled over at the sight of Baz stretching his calves. That hasn’t changed. My ability to run has. I can now almost keep up with Baz’s human speed, although he does sometimes tap into his vampire powers just taunt me. (As if his long legs weren’t enough.)

Getting better at running makes me feel slightly better about myself. Like my life is moving forward – like I’m actually improving at something. (I’m not. I used to be faster, stronger – I’m merely getting some of myself back.) And it usually helps me sleep.

Once Baz deems us sufficiently warmed up, he passes me the ball.

“What do you say, Snow, do we play across the whole field?” he asks. Sometimes he’ll teach me some technique after warm-up, but today, we’re apparently going straight to the game.

“Okay, but you can’t use your vampire strength.”

“When have I ever used my vampire strength?” Baz feigns being offended. I roll my eyes.

“I could think of a few instances.”

“I can beat you even without the vampire strength, love,” he smiles. “Come on. You can start.”

Playing across the whole field is exhausting. I finally manage to steal the ball from Baz, but it feels like it takes me forever to sprint across the pitch and towards my goal. Baz tries to steal the ball back, but the tip of my tail is pressed against his chest, holding him at distance. Huh. This has never happened before. Usually, I tie my tail around my waist when we play, but that’s uncomfortable so I just untied it when I saw nobody was on the pitch.

Still, it’s helping me. If it wasn’t for my tail, Baz would’ve stolen the ball from me already.

“If I can’t use my vampire strength, you can’t use your dragon parts either,” he calls just as I send the ball flying towards the goal. The net shakes. Score!

“I’m going to let you have that one, just because I know I’ll still beat you,” Baz says, jogging to get the ball.

“I wouldn’t be so sure, darling!” I call after him, even though I am pretty sure he’s going to beat me. He always has.

The first raindrops fall just as we get back into the game.

“Do you want to keep going?” Baz asks as he dribbles the ball, effortlessly avoiding all my attempts of stealing it from him.

“Yes,” I say, trying once again to snatch the ball from him. It’s hard work, especially when I’m also trying to keep my tail in check.

Not even a minute later, it’s full on pouring. My shirt is clinging to me, cooling me down, and Baz’s hair is falling around his face in wet strands. He must be cold, but he keeps playing, confidently leading the ball towards his goal.

I chase behind him, trying to block him, or whatever it is that I should be doing, but the grass is wet and I don’t have posh wanker football shoes like he does, so I end up slipping, knocking both of us over in the process.

He ends up on his back, with me half on top of him.

“Ouch, Snow! This isn’t American football, you’re not supposed to tackle people, you know?” Baz immediately starts complaining.

“It was an accident!” I say, rolling off of him, so that I’m also on my back.

“Troll’s arse, it was. This deserves a penalty kick at least. Maybe two because you got my shirt all muddy,” he laments. I roll my eyes at his theatrics.

“Nobody’s stopping you from getting up and spelling your shirt clean,” I say.

“I am severely injured. I might die any second.”

“Oh, come off it, you’re a bloody vampire,” I laugh.

“So this is how it ends; a Chosen One straight to the chest.”

I’m beginning to get worried, but he lets his head fall in my direction and I see a teasing smile stretched across his face. The tosser is just messing with me. Of course he is.

“You’re a git, you know that?” I growl, grabbing him by his waist and pulling him closer to me. He barely has the time to react before I kiss him.

I’ve kissed Baz before, many times, but snogging on a football field in the middle of a downpour is new. He’s cold – too cold – and I pull him on top of me. Baz makes a sound of surprise against my lips at that and I think he might pull away, so I tangle my hands in his hair, holding him closer. I’ve never touched his hair when it’s wet before. It slips through my fingers with ease and clings to his face.

I think Baz has worked through his surprise now, because he catches my lower lip between his teeth and tugs at it, his hand travelling down my side and settling on my hip. My shirt is so wet there’s almost no friction to his movement and it feels amazing.

I try running my own hands up and down his back and it makes his breath hitch. Moments later, his lips are by my ear, kissing and nipping at my earlobe.

“Is this okay?” Baz whispers, his breath so close to my ear that I can hear him despite the rain. Usually, this is the point where I’d start feeling panicky and uncomfortable, but today is different, for some reason. Maybe it’s the thrill of it all – I mean, kissing in a rainstorm is proper hot. I nod feverishly and I can hear him smirk against my ear before he starts kissing down my neck.

I take the opportunity to slip my hands under his shirt because if I’m feeling confident today, I might as well use it. Baz loves it when I run my hands up and down his stomach, so I do just that. (I don’t do it often enough. Usually, I’m scared.)

His reaction makes me forget why I was ever scared to do so in the first place. He practically melts against me, a small gasp escaping his throat before he comes back up and starts kissing me with even more vigour. It’s so good, it’s so good, it’s so good.

Thunder rumbles in the background and Baz pulls away. I look at him with a puzzled expression.

“Come on, let’s go,” he says, scrambling to his feet.

“What?” I sit up, still trying to comprehend his sudden change of pace, anxiety rising up in my chest. Did I do something wrong?

“Thunder, Snow. We’re in an open field. It’s not safe.”

“Oh.”

He offers me his hand and I let him pull me up. Then he kisses me again, like he can’t resist himself. (He probably can’t.)

“Can we…” I fumble, trying to find my words. I expect Baz to jab at me, but he just waits while I compose my thoughts. (I should snog him more often if it makes him stop being a prick.) “Can we, uh… continue this at home?”

His lips curl into a smirk and he takes my hand.

“You know we can.”

#carry on countdown 2020 #coc 2020 #carry on #wayward son #any way the wind blows #simon snow #tyrannus basilton grimm pitch #baz pitch #snowbaz #snowbaz fic #snowbaz fanfiction #my writing

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adamarks · 5 years

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simon snow has fucking dragon powers or some shit and this is my goddamn proof

Whilst you people were having a meltdown over Baz and Simon not hashing it out (Simon’s not in a place of understanding his self worth enough for that yet.), I was having a meltdown about Simon Snow The Literal Fucking Dragon.

Now, this is obviously going to have major spoilers for Wayward Son. I’m going to assume you’ve read it if you’re reading this. I’ve put a lot of thought into this theory and this is a long ass post so I’m putting it under the cut. Now. Let’s go, lesbians!

First and foremost, let’s start with the wings and tail.

Simon’s wings are established at the very beginning of Wayward Son to represent something. We don’t really get to quite know what that something is until they start referring to Simon’s wings the same way they used to refer to his magic.

The most direct reference to Simon’s wings symbolizing his magic is in Simon’s section of the prologue at the very end of the book:

“It’s time for me to stop pretending I’m some sort of superhero. I was that-- I really was-- but I’m not anymore. I don’t belong in the same world as sorcerers and vampires. That’s not my story.

Dr. Wellbelove said he could remove the wings. And the tail. Whenever I’m ready. I could go back to school then, or get a job...”

This section directly confirms that yes, these wings are a metaphor for Simon’s magic. They’re all he has left connect him to the world of magic. They’re the only thing still making him feel even remotely on the same level as Baz and Penelope. (This book really was all about the concept of self-worth and how completely lacking it affects not only us but those we love. Phew, talk about a doozy. No wonder we’re all crying.)

Now that we’ve established that Simon’s wings, at the very least, are his one tether to magic, let’s drive the nail into the coffin of the wings and tail being absolutely, 100% symbolic of his magic.

As I mentioned earlier, the book starts treating the wings exactly the same as it treated his magic. This even starts before Wayward Son. The first mention of Simon’s emotions relating to his wings and tail is in the first book. In the epilogue, in Baz’s section, during the dance scene.

“His tail whips out of my hand. It tends to slash around when he’s upset.”

This really starts to come out in the last fourth of Wayward when he’s “itching for a fight.”

His wings constantly poke, prod, and generally annoy Baz and Penny because he refuses to put them away. Almost.... like... how his magic..... felt suffocating.... and too much... and he couldn’t push it back... or tamp it down. *cough*

Okay, so that was all pretty basic, boring, base-building stuff, yeah? Pretty “whatever we get it.”

Well, here’s where it starts to get fun.

Let’s talk about Simon’s Mirrors.

Lemme just explain what the hell a mirror is, first. In case we all flunked our high school Lit classes.

A mirror character is, in simple terms, a character that acts, looks like, or reminds you of one of the main characters. Through these “mirror characters” some important information about the main character is revealed to us subtextually.

Let’s name our Simon mirrors:

Ebb

Agatha (she’s being developed as her own character but that’s not stopping her from mirroring our good lad.)

Aunt Fiona (to some extent anyway. she doesn’t really factor here.)

There might be some minor ones I’m forgetting (I’m not including foils) but these are our main guys.

I put Ebb on the list first, but let’s start with Agatha, the cranky heroine of our dreams.

Throughout the whole first book, Agatha is shown to be Simon’s mirror. Them both mooning over Baz in almost the exact same way. (Jesus Christ they’re embarrassing to watch.) The waiting on rooftops, the handkerchief. (Don’t get me started on Simon carrying around Baz’s scarf in Wayward. I’m soft and everything hurts. Our poor, stupid, stupid boys.) It’s not exactly subtle.

In Carry On, Agatha reveals just how much Simon also resents his fate. He never really expresses it, but Agatha is reflecting to us how he’s feeling. They both get progressively less resigned to the bullshit “Chosen One” fate as the book goes on. They both make it out alive. Maybe everything will be okay.

But then Rainbow rolls up with a Sex On The Beach and Gucci sunglasses to tell us that “fuck no everything’s not okay.” (She’s right. God, I could go on a rant about how no one ever talks about how you feel when you’ve defeated the villain. When you’ve escaped the dungeon. Hhhhh)

Wayward Son immediately sets Agatha up as even more of a mirror than she was in the first book. We’re shown right away that the two of them are both in a depressed funk. They’re both at “15%” and miserable. These two are echoing each other like NEVER before and I am LIVING for it.

Like, we even get this amazing bit in Chapter Four:

“That would feel like an answer to... the question of me. Then I could say, ‘Oh, that’s who I am. That’s why I’ve been so confused.’”

They! Are! Struggling!

Now, how does this relate to Simon having literal fucking dragon powers? Good question, thank you for asking.

In Chapter Fifty-Six, when Pen and Agatha are stuck in the back of Fuckwad Vampire #3′s car, Agatha says this:

“I honestly thought I could walk away from it all-- like magic was a place. Like magic was a person. Or a habit I could break.

When Simon first came to Watford, he couldn’t make his wand work. He could barely cast a spell. He thought they were going to kick him out, that he wasn’t magic enough.

“You don’t do magic,” Penelope told him. “You are magic.”

I... am magic.

Whether I like it or not, whether or not I claim it. Whether or not I carry my wand.

It’s in me, somehow. Blood, water, bone.”

They!! Are!! Both!! Magic!!

Magic is in them! Magic is with them! They’re made of the stuff! They can’t cut off this part of them, no matter how much they want to. (lmao. talk about good old internalized homophobia. I don’t really have an opinion on what Agatha’s sexuality is, btw. I’m using homophobia as a blanket term because I have no clue what’s up on that front.)

Simon is made of magic. He doesn’t want to remove his wings. Even though he has to hide them. Even though he thinks he’s a Normal now. Like Penny said, “an aeroplane is still an aeroplane even if it’s on the ground.” (I’m not sure that’s verbatim, apologies.)

Simon still has magic. We just can’t see it. He’s made of magic. He is magic. He was literally conceived during a spell. Bitch is as magical as you can get.

But where is the magic???? Where’d it go???? Hello????

I’m getting there. I promise. First, we need to talk about Ebb.

Ebb wasn’t only Simon’s weird Aunt figure; she was his mirror. Ebb was what would’ve happened to Simon if he hadn’t rejected the mage at the end of Carry On. Ebb just gave in. She didn’t want to fight anymore, and she figured Shithead The Great knew more than she did.

God I just fucking hate Mage so much like holy shit. Anyway, anyway.

Ebb was the strongest magician next to Simon. She didn’t want to fight. She didn’t want to use her magic for any great purpose. She just wanted to be. Agatha even reiterates this in the epilogue of Carry On.

“Like, they couldn’t just let her be.”

(No, Simon doesn’t miss killing things in Wayward. He misses excitement and having a purpose. He mainly misses having a purpose. Not having one of those fucking sucks.)

What the fuck does Ebb have to do with this? Why can’t I just get to the point?

My point is!

My Point IS!

That goddamn dragon with the sheep was supposed to remind you of Ebb.

So, let’s do the math. If 1=1x1= 1 then...

Ebb = Margaret = Simon

Sure, sure we had Simon screeching that he wasn’t a dragon. But Margaret was immediately like,

“Not yet.” She pets his wing. “Are kitten. Someday dragon. Someday ferocious.”

Simon smells like a dragon, but also apparently “smells like iron.” Whatever the fuck that means. I mean I guess it means that Baz could still sippy sippy. (Which is gonna happen or I’ll eat my own toe.)

One more thing:

“I wanted wings,” he says. “I wanted to fly.”

“Why tail?”

“I wanted to be free!”

Gee, that sure sounds like what Agatha was saying earlier, huh?

YEAH OKAY HE’S HALF DRAGON!! WE’VE ESTABLISHED THAT!!! WHAT THE FUCK AM I ON ABOUT!!!!

Omg thank you for asking. I’m going to blow your mind with my final point.

The Final Point: The Baz Problem.

Wayward Son is, by all accounts, Baz’s book. It develops everyone beautifully and everyone has an arc, but this book is where Baz gets to shine.

We found out in this book that vampires are immortal.

This introduced a whole new issue, an issue that surfaces every time immortality is introduced as a possibility for one character but not the rest.

Someday, Baz will be left alone.

He’ll inevitably outlive everyone he cares about. We all know our poor, beautiful, delicate bastard boy couldn’t take it. How deeply he cares is his most beautiful and wonderful trait, and this could break him.

I wonder, how long does a dragon live?

Penny talks about the improbability of Simon and Baz in Chapter Three.

“Star-cross’d lovers. ‘From forth the fatal loins of these two foes.’ The whole shebang.”

Simon’s magic was always described as smoke and fire. The first creature we learn about Simon fighting was a dragon. (Chapter 1, first page of Carry On)

“You’ve slain a dragon, Simon. Surely you can manage a long walk and a few buses.”

God, I just really hate Bitchface the Mage. Anywho.

Simon. The One Who Came to End Us. Simon. The One To Save Us All. Simon is the dragon and the knight. He’s his own worst enemy. His arc will be completed once he accepts the “dragon” part of himself. It’s poetic as fuck, I must admit.

Simon has to find love and care for himself, and then this baby dragon will be grown. He’ll be “on top” as Margaret had said. (God, could you imagine all the dragons waking up? How fucking epic would THAT be? Fingers crossed.)

The monster that drains living things and the monster that burns all in its wake. These losers are starcrossed, but they complete each other. Dumbasses. I just love them so much why can’t they get their shit together.

Simon and Baz’s storylines are utterly intertwined. They’re perfectly matched. Simon might not know it, but their hearts are already tied together; they beat in sync. They’re two stars orbiting each other. And, if we’re all very lucky, maybe they won’t crash. Maybe this story won’t end in flames.

So, in conclusion, I really really really want Simon to breathe fire. The only other way I could see this twisting is the wings somehow going away and Simon getting a regular-magician amount of magic. That’s kinda lame tho and doesn’t complete his arc correctly. This dumb boy is a dragon now and there’s nothing we can do about it. (EDIT: actually yeah simon’s not gonna lose his wings no way in fuck. check out my meta.) Also? I would sell my soul to see Simon getting really possessive over really weird objects for his hoard.

Thank you for sticking with me this far, dear reader. I’ll leave you with this thought: Baz is Donkey and Simon is the dragon from Shrek.

Check out my other meta on the future of simon and baz’s relationship and how penny and agatha relate

scarf meta as well check it

Gonna be tagging peeps so this can circulate better.

@carrybits @neck-mole @watfordwallflower

#Wayward Son #wayward son spoilers #Carry On #Simon and Baz #Simon Snow #Baz Pitch #tyrannus basilton grimm pitch #penelope bunce #agatha wellbelove #ebb the goatherd #meta #carry on meta #wayward son meta #snowbaz #this will end in flames #long post #i did put a read more

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wipbigbang · 3 years

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2021 Round - Artists Claims (Round 2)

Round 2 of claims for artists are open! The second round will go this week and then I'll post a new round on Thursday, opening it up for thirds. Everybody spread the word! We have 70 story summaries below for you to choose from, and this round, you may choose 2 stories to do art for! Just use a different check in ID with each sign-up.

This year, art claims are working a little differently than in years past. We are using a google form to streamline things, which should make things easier both for you as participants and us mods. To claim a story, the form requires email, check in ID, and the identifying number of your first choice of story. Putting your top three choices is best in case your first or second has already been chosen. Please be sure you've read the FAQ before claiming.

Click here to claim a story!

Shadowhunters (TV) #51 Title: An Omega Transaction Pairing/Characters Magnus Bane/ Alec Lightwood / Jace Wayland Rating: Explicit Warnings/Tags: Omegaverse AU SummaryWhen Alec presented as an omega his whole life changed for the worse. He was sent away to be taught how to become a 'proper' omega, his parabatai bond to Jace muted. After suffering years of abuse, Alec finally sees Jace again. Jace explains that as part of a truce with the Downworld Alec is meant to become mate to the Downworld leader; the Alpha Magnus Bane. Alec agrees to the mating bond to escape his hellish existence and on the condition his friend and follow omega, Andrew Underhill, is saved as well. What starts out as a practical and useful transaction for everyone involved becomes complicated when Magnus falls in love with his omega mate and Jace’s buried feelings for Alec reawaken. The question is….will Alec return the two Alphas’ affections, or has he been hurt too much by Alphas in the past to dare open his heart again? And what about Valentine? What is he planning and how does Alec fit into it? A romantic Malace story of love, change and building a family of your own choice. #53 Title: Runaway Love Pairing/Characters Magnus Bane/ Alec Lightwood Rating: Explicit Warnings/Tags: No Warnings Apply Summary A story of surviving hardship, the love for family and finding someone to love in the most unusual places. Maryse and Robert were de-runed as punishment for supporting Valentine. Despite Robert’s protests Maryse steals away two baby boys left in Valentine’s care at the time; Jocelyn’s abandoned son and Jace. The family go to the Mundane world with a two-year-old Alec while Maryse is pregnant with Izzy. Without proper papers the family struggle financially and Robert sinks into a spiral of self-hatred and depression while Maryse fight to get money for the family. Robert’s mounting debts due to his drinking and gambling ends up being collectively owned by Magnus Bane. As they can’t pay back the loans, Alec decides to go bargain with Magnus to see if there’s something other than money the Warlock might want…. #54 Title: Sobriety and Cigarettes Pairing/Characters Magnus Bane/Jace Herondale/Alec Lightwood Rating: Mature Warnings/Tags: Smoking; references to alcoholism, addiction and rehab; recollections of past road trauma; sexual references; angst; moderate language Summary Jace and Magnus just walked out of an AA meeting. Neither of them have licences anymore so they’re both waiting for a bus to take them home. They’ve been waiting a while. #55 Title: The Crumple Zone Is My Heart Pairing/Characters Magnus Bane/ Alec Lightwood Rating: Teen Warnings/Tags: Graphic Violence Summary Alec Lightwood has been hiding from the Clave since he became a werewolf. Now his two worlds are colliding, and threatening to crush him between them. AU of the first few episodes of the show, with ensemble cast #56 Title: When An Angel Kneels Pairing/Characters Magnus Bane/ Alec Lightwood Rating: Explicit Warnings/Tags: BDSM AU Summary Alec is a sub but given how Idris treats subs, excluding them from all leadership positions and considering them too ‘weak’ to be warriors, Alec has kept it a secret for years, thanks to his sister and his parabatai bond with Jace. However, one fateful encounter with the powerful Dom and Warlock leader Magnus Bane changes everything not only for Alec but for the Shadow World in general. A worldbuilding BDSM AU with a focus on self-acceptance, equality, trust and learning to love. #57 Title: Wings Pairing/Characters Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood/Simon Lewis Rating: Explicit Warnings/Tags: Graphic Violence, Temporary Character Death Summary A Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicles AU. Izzy is Sakura, Simon is Syaoran, Alec is Kurogane, Magnus is Fai. "Simon and Izzy are childhood friends in a desert country known as Clow. Izzy is the princess, and Simon is a simple architect excavating ancient ruins. Alec is a warrior in Idris, directly serving under Empress Helen and her warrior wife, Aline. Magnus is a mage from Edom, desperate to escape his past and the King. Across the dimensions, all four are facing adversity and must leave their worlds to request a wish from the Red Witch. There is no such thing as coincidence: everything is connected."

#shadowhunters #magnus bane #alec lightwood #isabelle lightwood #simon lewis #Jace Herondale #malace #malec #simon x isabelle #simon x izzy #magnus x alec #magnus x jace x alec #signal boost #looking for an artist #fanart #wipbb2021

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klaineccfanficlibrary · 4 years

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What are we reading?

Ask: What fics are you ladies currently reading and what are ones on your list you're looking forward to reading when you have time? Thank you for all you three do with this blog!

It’s pretty long so our lists are under the cut below:

LYNNE

Just finished:

The Jeffery by JayhawkWrites

The Jeffery, a cute, upscale bar is the perfect place for a first date. But, for Kurt Hummel, The Jeffery is the place where an adorable young bartender saves him from a series of disastrous first dates. Maybe he's just going out with the wrong person?

~~~~~

Six Feet Apart by kuhlaine

Having to shelter in place in New York is already difficult enough, but when Kurt Hummel's roommate decides to head back to Ohio to ride out the pandemic with her family, things become infinitely more complicated. At the very least his new quarantine roommate, Blaine, isn't too bad on the eyes.

~~~~~

Love, Blaine by GleefulDarrenCrissFan

Blaine Anderson is a typical teenager. Except he’s not because he’s hiding a huge secret. He’s gay. But after reading a confession on the informal Dalton blog, he discovers that he’s not the only closeted boy at Dalton. After a moment of courage, he emails him and ultimately starts up a friendship that will change life as he knows it. Loosely based on Love, Simon.

~~~~~

Currently reading:

All Of Me by Hemingway72

COMPLETE! There is now a sequel as well!

As a young and successful fashion designer living in NYC he shouldn't have a problem finding a sub. Yet, he has been alone since a college relationship gone wrong. When the Department of D/s affairs proposes that he be a mentor for a college bound troubled sub from Dalton he accepts knowing it will be the right thing to do. What he doesn't expect is the perfectly submissive Blaine Anderson. Title based off the John Legend song.

~~~~~

Candyman by dontbefancy

Blaine Anderson’s life is not what he envisioned. Enter Kurt Hummel - a man whose life is all he ever wanted and only wishes the same for the sad-eyed, sexy man whose cigarette wouldn’t light.

~~~~~

Cornelia Street by @blurglesmurfklaine (WIP)

Three years ago, Kurt and Blaine went on a disaster of a date and never quite got off on the right foot. Now, just before they graduate from NYADA, there’s a national outbreak and they’re both self-quarantined in a mutual friend’s apartment.

~~~~~

To Read List:

You Me Him by @scatter-the-stars (WIP)

Beverly Hills was meant as a place to start over. To move past the pain that Lime held. And it provides that for Kurt. What it also provides is Blaine Anderson. Blaine who is young, free, and wild. And someone who quickly becomes off-limits to him. After a horrible incident brings them closer, Kurt decides to forget the consequences of being with Blaine and goes for it. Life is never easy, though. When a choice pulls them apart, he deals with the outcome of that. And when they reunite, it's not long before he's falling fast and hard. But when his past comes back, Kurt finds himself facing the toughest choice he's ever had to make.

~~~~~

Teach Me Surrender by @scatter-the-stars

Part 2 of the Teach Me Series

Kurt is in a established Dom/sub relationship with his high school English teacher, Blaine. And Blaine decides to surprise him on his nineteenth birthday with something he never expected.

~~~~~

You Will Be Found by @kurtswish

While on a National Broadway Tour, Kurt meets an intriguing man. With more than just miles separating them, they must make a choice. Will they go back to their different lives, or will they let themselves be found?

TW: talk of suicide, depression and brief mentions of character death(canon).

~~~~~

In Every Lifetime Verse by JayhawkWrites, TeddysHoney

A series of connected AUs inspired by this line from Blaine's proposal: "It's always felt like I was remembering you from something. As if, in every lifetime you and I have ever lived, we've chosen to come back and find each other and fall in love all over again. Over and over for all of eternity."

~~~~~

MARJAN

I have to admit I haven’t had much time to read lately. I’m at home but still working, and my workload hasn’t lessened in the least. Also, I have children to look after, meals to make, laundry to do and a house to keep clean. So life in lockdown is really busy for me. Any spare time I have is spent with my hubby and children.

All I’ve managed to read recently is a few lovely one-shots: Soup for Sanity by @caramelcoffeeaddict, The Hot/Beautiful Barista by bolt_of_fate, OMG They Were Zoommates, Words, Words, Words and Just Keep Passing (The Open Window) by @hazelandglasz, Missed Opportunity by @holdingdaylight. Oh, and Kidnap My Heart by misskaterinab. All of them just the right length to read during meal times :-)

But there are tons of fics on my to-read list. Let me share a few with you...

@jayhawk-writes and @teddyshoney have written this fascinating verse in which they are exploring any and all versions of Klaine - finding each other “In every lifetime”. I can’t wait to dive in and enjoy this :-)

Also, the GPBB fic exchange writers have started posting their stories, and they sound AMAZING. Do check them out!

And right now, the story I’m going to read during my lunch break is Escape to Oakstone by dontbefancy.

~~~~~

HKVOYAGE

Honestly, every spare moment I have is spent replying to library asks or writing. The only fics I’m reading are some quarantine related, specifically Six Feet Apart by @kuhlaine, Ride or die by Mindfilledwithletters, Zoom Mates by @gleefuldarrencrissfan, and Cornelia Street by @blurglesmurfklaine. However, when I become less busy, here are a few on my list to read.

Love, Blaine by GleefulDarrenCrissFan

Summary: Blaine Anderson is a typical teenager. Except he’s not because he’s hiding a huge secret. He’s gay. But after reading a confession on the informal Dalton blog, he discovers that he’s not the only closeted boy at Dalton. After a moment of courage, he emails him and ultimately starts up a friendship that will change life as he knows it. Loosely based on Love, Simon.

~~~~~

The Funkification of Blaine Warbler by Esperanto

When Rachel spies on the Warblers to scope out their competition for Sectionals, she is alarmed to discover how talented they are. Determined to get the edge for Sectionals, the New Directions decide to take a page out of Vocal Adrenaline's playbook and pull off a "funkification" of their own that starts Kurt and Blaine off on entirely the wrong foot.

~~~~~

You Me Him by @scatter-the-stars (WIP)

~~~~~

The Elf on the Shelf by kellyb321

The owner at Verve Design has decided the holidays at the office have been way too boring in the past. He's decided to kick it up a notch with a Christmas party, Secret Santas and...and adorable Elf on the Shelf for the office. Kurt might be a little smitten.

Note: This fic is completed even though it isn’t marked as such.

#klaine #klaine fanfic #klaine fanfiction #glee fanfiction #currently reading #to read

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carryonsimoncarryonbaz · 5 years

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30 Days of Carry On

8. How do you feel about Wayward Son?

This may be a question that tends to divide some of the fandom. It’s a challenging one to answer but I will do my best. This may be long and incoherent. I have many feelings.

The run up to the release of Wayward Son felt very chaotic for me. I was disappointed that publishers and amazon had released some books early. I was desperately trying to avoid spoilers and honestly trying to shut down spoilers because having bits and pieces without the overriding, coherent narrative can really be damaging and upsetting and confusing. I wanted to read it without having any dread or concern and the internet made that very difficult, if not impossible. That was unfortunate.

I’d been looking forward to the book and in my head I had spun a very happily ever after happy ending that in retrospect was naive and unrealistic of me. I own that. That’s on me. Because that isn’t reality. It’s not how things work, not with such real characters who have endured so much and who have such diminished or flawed or basically nonexistent coping mechanisms. I know that. I should have remembered that. It’s in Carry On. You can see it.

What’s funny is I think fanfic played a significant role in my having those unrealistic expectations. My own fanfic included. But when I look closer, particularly at my unfinished fic Never Tear Us Apart--my sequel to CO that I didn’t manage to finish before WS--I see that I myself had plans to deal with loss and trauma and communication difficulty and heartache. Long before I read Wayward Son. That fic was outlined and plotted last February. Yes, a lot of it was fluff and romance because that’s just me, but I had plotted out many darker, angsty passages, which in retrospect make a lot of sense because after events of CO it can’t be all rainbows and lavender flavored unicorns because they all have such significant trauma and loss and confusion to process.

I finished Wayward Son at 4 am in a puddle of tears. I was hurt. I was a bit angry. I was heartbroken. The ending left me so wanting more. I know people felt it rushed through things. That the pace felt frenetic. That there were no resolutions of the big issues that affected the main characters. That it left so much open ended. I am not going to disagree because those are valid comments, even though I don’t necessarily feel that way about the book at this point in time. But not at any moment did I feel it was unrealistic in it’s approach to the issues they had. I think the handling of the aftermath of a chosen one’s journey was spot on. It’s the things we don’t think about. How to endure the loss that comes with it. How much one’s identity is tied to that role. How the fallout is magnified and translated and spreads to those around you as well.

I think it was a very sensitive and accurate portrayal of mental health issues as far as Simon is concerned. And Baz. And Penny. They are all struggling. They are all saddled with unhealthy mechanisms of coping. We know that about Baz and Simon from Carry On--Simon with his not thinking about things, Baz with withdrawing and building walls, just to name a few prominent ones. We’d had hints of Penny’s too. When you read Carry On after Wayward Son the clues are all there. I think to me that’s the remarkable thing about WS--that I probably should have been expecting it if I hadn’t fallen so deeply into the romance and firmly placed my rose colored glasses on. It’s all there.

I will say that I loved Wayward Son. I know that’s not a popular opinion. But it’s one I’ve come to over many months of thought, rereads and intense fic writing to process some of it myself. I think I appreciate it more every time. I think I appreciate it more after rereading Carry On. In my opinion it gives us such a real portrayal of the anguish, loss, post-trauma fallout, confusion, awkwardness, shity coping mechanisms that exist in the story and in these characters. It made me hurt. It made me empathize. It made me recognize things that perhaps I had not wanted to face myself. it resonated. It may seem hopeless that even Simon Snow is laid low by these emotions and plagued by doubts about self-worth and his place in the world. But I read that and I see that I’m not alone. That the doubts and thoughts and emotions that challenge me can challenge even those that I think are so much stronger, more capable, more resilient. He’s not weak. He’s not broken. Those trappings don’t define him. He may think he is and that they do but we know that’s not true. So perhaps that’s the case for me too.

I don’t expect others to share that view. We each look at it through our own unique lens. it hurt in so many ways. But it made me think so deeply about so much that I am eternally grateful for that.

Wayward Son did give us intense moments of joy, for which I am eternally grateful. Carry On doesn’t have that many itself when you look back--the magic sharing, chapters 61 and 62. Simon’s return in Chapter 67. The Epilogue. Not much more. In WS we have the fireflies, the renaissance faire, the truck scenes, the Hoover Dam scene, the flying scene, All of those are such beautiful, lyrical, emotionally impactful moments. Tinged with heartbreak but moving and real and in some ways hopeful in their own way. We see a softer, vulnerable Baz. WS shows us what a poet Simon Snow is, in his head. We actually see the depth of their love for each other, blighted though it may be by their communication difficulties, Simon’s depression, Baz’s paralysis as far as dealing with it all, the gulf between them that has grown as they struggle with the ramifications of all that has happened to them and between them. They can say it in their heads--the stumbling block is saying it to each other in a way that is understood. But again not so surprising, considering Simon’s issues with communication in CO and Baz coming from a family that shoves things under the rug rather than discuss them or address them directly.

They’re young. They’re inexperienced at relationships. Simon and Baz skipped straight from enemies, to wary allies, to terrible boyfriends. They jumped right over the traditional getting to know you middle part--they “knew” each other so well from observation over the years, from their obsessive watchfulness and laser-focused attention on each other but they didn’t know how to talk to each other. They didn’t know how to be with each other when things were calm and peaceful. They are traumatized and are doing their best to muddle through and carry on, on their own, without much help from anyone outside their trio. This road trip was the proverbial slap in the face they needed to get out of that rut. Make a change. Face the things that loomed over them.

I’ve reread WS since that first time. Listened to the audiobook. The joy and lyricism shine through on subsequent reads. The love emanates from the pages. No, we don’t get resolution of their issues but Baz has finally broken the wall and said something. Yes, a lot happened to them, in a rapid, frenetic fashion. It’s hard to believe the events of the book occurred over just one week. The last few pages made me ache. But I am still left with hope at the end. Hope that they will find a way to resolve things between them. Solve things for themselves as well.

I will always consider Carry On my comfort book. I turn to it when I need a soothing read, something familiar and loved and welcoming. But there are passages of WS that have left their mark on my soul. Painful but real. Beautiful but achingly so. It is the middle book, the time when things get dark, when all seems muddled and desperate. But there is a light. it will come in the third book. I’m not going to let myself be scared of it. Because whatever it is, I know it will be true to who Baz and Simon are and who they are becoming. I may rejoice or I may mourn but I know I will feel.

And I trust Rainbow. She’s never let me down. She loves Simon and Baz and she said she set out to write an epic love story. I believe in that.

(this is both more personal and much longer than I anticipated)

#30 days of carry on #carry on #wayward son #loaded question #sorry for the novel I wrote here #incoherent gibberish #I have too many feelings #question meme #question 8 #this got a bit more personal than I expected #much longer too

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sleepdeprivedphilosopher · 4 years

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Fic Rec

thanks for tagging me @sharing-a-room-with-an-open-fire 💕💕

Challenge: Try to rec four fics; two of your own and two by fav writers. Rec some of your own fics without feeling guilty and rec some fics that you absolutely loved!

first here are two of mine:

Blindspot (rated T, 3,034 words, one-shot)

"But I've always been like this," I say.

Baz looks a little heartbroken. "I know," he says softly. Simon hasn't texted Baz in a few days. Baz is honest for once and Simon has some realizations.

The pain you endure doesn't have to define you.

this fic has a special place in my heart. I wrote it when I was feeling really down and depressed and writing it helped me sort through some stuff.

Essential (rated T, 27,608 words, 14 chapters, complete)

Mid-way through the yearly crisis, Simon gets a letter. The letter states that his current adversary has taken the person who means the most to him and that Simon has three weeks to find them before they're killed.

Simon expects things to go in the same formula they always do. It wouldn’t be the first time that someone has kidnapped Agatha, it happens so regularly that Penny created a beacon spell for her last year. So while Simon is a bit concerned about his girlfriend, he knows that once Agatha says the incantation, he’ll be able to locate her and dispatch whoever it is that is menacing them this year.

Only Agatha is still at Watford.

And Baz has gone missing.

this fic was a labor of love. there were many times I thought I’d never complete it, but somehow things worked out, and I was able to finish it. fun fact, it was the first multi chapter fic I ever finished in any fandom.

now onto two of my favorites (this was hard because I have so many bookmarks):

There'll Be Peace When You Are Done by somekindofpath (rated T, 58,999 words, 12 chapters, complete)

I’ve been away for so long that I’ve started to worry I imagined it. Or that we weren’t as happy as I thought. Or that I was in a blissful sleep for three years of my life and now I’ve woken up to a nightmare.

The night before Baz graduates from university, Simon breaks up with him. (Because, as Baz will tell you, he is an idiot.)

A year later they still aren't talking, Simon has a new girlfriend, and Baz is wearing a lot of purple.

Penny has had it up to here with the pair of them. So she decides to take them on a road trip.

this is always the first fic I think to recommend. it's so funny, bit angsty, super well characterized, and just really great. even post wayward son it holds up. one of my all time favorites. I re-read it all the time.

If Only I Was Sure by tbazzsnow (Artescapri) (rated G, 3,903 words, 2 chapters, complete) @carryonsimoncarryonbaz

Simon Snow may have saved the world but the world has changed for him. Battling dragons was much easier than confronting his own emotions. He’s not the Chosen One anymore but is it fair to let Baz choose him? A late night of introspection for Simon, after Baz leaves for the night.

oh my gosh, this fic. this is probably going to get a bit emotional, but hey, here we go. so reading wayward son was kind of eye-opening for me. I struggle with a lot of the same issues simon does relationships and self-worth wise. and this fic right here? that takes that and puts it on a whole other level. I could relate to simon in wayward son, but in this fic, it felt like he was speaking directly from my heart. it is just really great. please give it a read.

tagging: @black-tea-blue-pens @the-clueless-philosopher @nightimedreamersworld

#snowbaz fic #carry on #fan fic rec #ao3 #rec list

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carynsilver · 5 years

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Wayward Son

So, I just finished Wayward Son by Rainbow Rowell. Be warned, this post does have spoilers, so continue at your own risk.

After a quick peruse of the tags, I’m surprised at all the negative reactions. I mean, I understand that gut-punch feeling, but assuming this is a series, Wayward Son is the Empire Strikes Back of it all. If this was a stand-alone book, well, then I’d get the vitriol, but obviously from the end it is set up for book 3. (Also with the whole Epilogue at the beginning/Prologue at the end thing.)

I’m more worried that the negativity would somehow affect the desire of writer or publisher to write the third book than whether the third book would give that satisfying Return of the Jedi kind of ending. (Though, if there is never a book 3, I reserve my right to be retroactively pissed, because that would make this book horrible.)

There were so many good things in this book. The Ren Faire. Simon and Baz loving each other. Shepherd. Penny and Agatha being BAMF. Simon flying (loved that!). Baz actually learning some stuff about being a vampire (that moment with the fangs--guh!). Simon fighting and showing how he is still himself even without magic.

I also felt like Simon, Baz, Penny, and Agatha were showing realistic levels of... not sure the right words, but PTSD or depression or the effects of the trauma they’d lived through for years before and through the end of Carry On. Agatha just walked away from her life--family, friends (even her Normal British friends). Penny, holding onto “normal” with nothing but her fingertips and a strong will, and then cracking when she realized something she believed was true (Micha) wasn’t actually.

Simon, who suffered the most IMO (killing his father, losing Ebb, losing the magic which was so intrinsic to his identity, losing his freaking identity as the Chosen One), was fully believable with that depression. But the real gut punch to me was finding out that he doesn’t remember life in the care homes before Watford. Like... what is he repressing? From the little we got, it really seemed like he’s also buried some sexual abuse in there somewhere. I mean, just the PTSD and depression would be enough to make romance/sex/desire dicey, but there is also something big hidden in those lost memories--otherwise, why even bring them up? There was enough trauma without them. And that would be the biggest thing that would make book 3 a let down for me; not resolving that.

And Baz’s struggles dealing with a depressed Simon felt real to me, as someone who has dealt with depression in others where I didn’t know what to do. Plus his hunger to find out about his vampire side... that was heart wrenching and the way he just lit up in response to Lamb... Like, Lamb seems like an opportunistic bastard, but Baz craving a father figure in that area of his life felt so real. Ug, and that bit about him being so malnourished from feeding off of animals was so painful. And yet I was so proud of him, how he stuck to his morals in a town where there would’ve been literally no repercussions otherwise.

As much as it hurt, it actually made sense to me that Baz and Simon didn’t really talk much in this book. Like, I wanted them to. I wanted to bang their heads together and lock them in a closet until they told each other what they were thinking. But it was realistic with the depression and the communication issues they both already had, which were cannon in Carry On. I don’t think they are dysfunctional or an unhealthy couple in general, but they are going through a bad patch and need some help and time to get through it. A lot of people, it would be too much, but considering this is their story, I have faith they will figure it out in the end.

My only real complaint (assuming, as I am, that book 3 is a foregone conclusion) is that I wish there’d been a little more closure at the end. I’m not saying closure on the emotional arcs. It makes total sense to me that we don’t have resolution on that in an Empire Strikes Back kind of way. And, not even with the Now Next, as it feels like we settled that plot, as well. But... just the actual ending bit felt like it cut off basically in the middle of the scene. I’m not sure quite where would have been a good place to end, but the end of Empire Strikes Back feels like an ending--a, we’re stopping here, but we’ll be back. The end of Wayward Son felt like I was watching a show on TV and the power cut off at the worst possible moment.

Wish list for book 3:

* SnowBaz resolution, obviously. With talking and honesty and loads more kissing. Them realizing that they are real and that they don’t have to be so damned careful with each other. (Though the care and the fear and the fragility felt real to me for this book.)

* Baz figuring out more about the vampire thing and where he fits in to that world vs. his old word. Also learning how to do stuff like sip from a willing human (you know Simon would be willing). Though, I did like his thing about never having tasted human blood because you can’t go back from that. So, some kind of good resolution between that and the malnourished thing, OK?

* Resolution on whatever trauma is locked in Simon’s memories from before. As well as him deciding what he wants to do with his life--be it becoming a traveling show on the Ren Faire circuit or having the wings and tail removed so he can return to life as a Normal. Finding what would make him happy.

* Penny and Shepherd paying off on what I’m hoping is the relationship she never expected but will be great for her. And curing his curse.

* Agatha being able to meld the two halves of her life together somehow in a way she can be happy.

* A book that is long and introspective and gives weight and resolution to the emotional issues that have been playing out so well in addition to a rollicking plot like we know she can deliver on.

I sure hope we don’t have to wait four more years, though...

#wayward son #wayward son spoilers #carry on #snowbaz

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