#and someone to gently bring him back to reality when he drifted

[morethanwonderful]

God Zhou Ying as a kid really is just. What if you were a child whose perception of reality was wildly different from every adult around you. What if you were constantly overwhelmed and overstimulated and focused on the "wrong" thing. What if you were always distracted by background details of the world that no one else ever noticed?

What if you were a child who sometimes dissociated from the reality around you? What if you regularly lost track of where you were and saw horrible things, and when you came back to yourself you were always scared and confused? And what if every adult that was supposed to take care of you was so scared by your dissociating that when you were at your most needy and helpless, all your caregivers fearfully ignored you and pretended they couldn't see what was happening?

Surely this is a situation that can only apply to someone magical.

[nhlclover]

𝐂𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐇(𝐄𝐃) | 𝐋𝐔𝐊𝐄 𝐇𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐄𝐒

summary: luke finds himself caught in whirlwind of emotions when quinn brings his girlfriend to the lake house.

warnings: angst, unrequited love, luke being hopelessly in love with quinn's girlfriend (you), couple uses of y/n

word count: 2.43k

Luke was in deep shit. Like, the deepest shit he could possibly be in.

When Quinn said he was bringing his girlfriend to the lake house this summer, Jack and Luke were excited to have a new person join in on their summer traditions, especially after how Quinn raved about you.

The moment Luke watched you step out of Quinn’s rental car, he felt a jolt run through him. Your tanned legs looked endless in your jean shorts, a stark contrast against the sleek, dark paint of the car. The sun glinted off your skin, giving you an almost ethereal glow. Your hair cascaded down your shoulders in perfect waves, catching the light and swaying gently in the summer breeze. It was as if you had stepped straight out of a dream and into his reality.

Luke's breath caught in his throat, and he knew in that instant he was screwed. Every inch of you screamed effortless beauty and confidence, and it took all he could to keep his composure. He felt an overwhelming mix of emotions—excitement, nervousness, and an undeniable attraction that made his heart pound in his chest. He understood what Quinn saw in you.

He knew how horribly inappropriate it was for him to be looking at you like this since you were his older brother’s girlfriend. But knowing didn’t make it any easier. As you walked towards him, smiling, Luke’s mind raced. His mouth felt dry, and he could barely muster a “hello” as you approached.

"Hey, Luke!" you greeted him warmly, your voice as captivating as your appearance. "Quinn’s told me so much about you."

"Uh, hey," Luke stammered, trying to act natural. "Welcome to the lake house. Hope you enjoy it here."

You thanked him, heading into the lake house where Jack was going to show her to Quinn’s room. Quinn walked up to his brother, watching his gaze follow you into the house.

Sensing his discomfort, he clapped a hand on Luke’s shoulder. "Don't worry, man. She's cool. You’ll love her."

Love her. The words echoed in Luke’s mind, taunting him with the impossibility of his situation. Throughout the week, as everyone settled in and the usual summer activities began, Luke found it increasingly difficult to focus. Whether it was swimming in the lake, grilling on the deck, or playing beach volleyball, his eyes kept drifting back to you. It was especially difficult when you all lived in bathing suits during the summer. Every bikini seemed to be created for you, perfectly sitting on your hips and perfectly cupping your full breasts.

Each laugh you shared with Quinn sent a pang of guilt and jealousy through him. He understood the sanctity of his brother’s relationship and how wrong it was for him to harbour these feelings. It wasn't just inappropriate; it was a betrayal of the trust and respect he had for Quinn. The bond he shared with Quinn was one of the most important relationships in his life. They had grown up together and supported each other through thick and thin, and Luke admired Quinn more than anyone else. This admiration made the guilt even more intense.

The rational part of Luke's mind screamed at him to pull himself together. He tried to focus on the absurdity of the situation—how he was pining for someone who was not only off-limits but deeply committed to someone he loved. The inner turmoil gnawed at him, and he found it increasingly difficult to look Quinn in the eye, fearing that his brother might somehow sense the inappropriate thoughts lurking just beneath the surface.

Realizing that being around you was too much to bear, Luke decided it was best to ignore you altogether. It wasn’t easy at first but realized it was necessary to protect his sanity. Avoidance was his primary strategy; leaving the room when you entered, pretending to busy himself with any mundane task. He even cleaned the main bathroom, something he couldn’t recall having done once. He also avoided making eye contact, fearing that even the slightest acknowledgment of your presence would betray the storm of emotions raging within him.

At first, Luke's avoidance went unnoticed, or so he hoped. He observed from a distance as you integrated seamlessly into their summer routines, laughing with Quinn, joining in on games, and sharing stories with Jack and the others. But even from afar, your presence was a constant distraction, a reminder of the turmoil Luke couldn't escape.

—

The summer sun had long dipped past the horizon, the stars now sprinkled in the sky. The fire burned brightly in the pit that everyone had gathered around. Trevor and Cole sat on the grass, arguing about when a marshmallow was properly cooked. Everyone's attention was on their argument, chiming in whenever one of them said something outrageous. However, Luke’s eyes were on you.

Luke couldn’t bring himself to focus on his friend's conversation while you sat across from him. The firelight danced in your eyes, your laughter mingling with the crackling of the flames. Luke just couldn’t tear his eyes away from you.

Luke hears his name come out of your mouth, bringing him out of his daze.

“What about you Luke?” you ask him

“Hmm?” he hums, his heart racing when you locked eyes.

“How do you like your marshmallow cooked?” you repeated.

His eyes danced down to your mouth, just picturing the way your plump lips would feel on his. “I uh…I…” Luke stammered, already forgetting your words as his mind raced. “I’m gonna go get a refill inside.”

As Luke rose from his seat, his movements were slightly unsteady, unable to shake the vivid image of your lips from his mind. With every step towards the door, his pulse quickened, his thoughts consumed entirely by you. Entering the home, he made his way to the kitchen and opened the fridge, letting the cool air wash over him, hoping it might clear his mind.

Clearly, his plan to avoid you in order to get rid of his feelings was failing spectacularly. The cool air from the fridge did little to extinguish the warmth spreading through his chest as he imagined being in Quinn’s position. He imagined being the one to fall asleep with you curled in his arms, being the one to be on the receiving end of the countless kisses he’d unfortunately witnessed. Luke stood there for a moment, gripping the fridge door, taking deep breaths in an attempt to steady himself. He needed a distraction, something to focus on besides the magnetic pull he felt towards you.

Luke shuts the fridge when he hears the patio door slide open and shut, the sound of feet padding closer to the kitchen.

“Hey, Luke,” you say as you enter the kitchen.

Luke tensed, his heart pounding in his chest. "Hey, y/n.”

Luke had done everything possible throughout the summer to prevent himself from being stuck alone in the same room as you. He made up excuses after excuses, pretending he had to take calls or needed to go to the bathroom — anything not to be stuck in a room with you.

It wasn’t as if you’d been oblivious to it. You noticed the way he seemed to avoid you and any possible interaction. At first, you brushed it off, convincing yourself that you were overthinking it. Maybe he really did have a lot of calls to take, or perhaps his sudden need to use the bathroom was just coincidental. But as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into the full stretch of summer, his behaviour became too obvious to ignore.

You’d tried so hard to make a good impression on your boyfriend's brothers, people you knew were important to Quinn. You helped out throughout the summer, participated in every little activity that they did, and went out of your way to strike up conversations with them about their interests (which pretty much began and ended with hockey).

But with Luke, you found it hard to hold even small talk with him. According to Quinn, he isn’t normally like this.

“I don’t know, maybe it’s me bringing someone new to our lake house” Quinn suggested one evening as you sat together on the porch. You had brought up Luke’s behaviour, questioning if she had possibly done something to upset him. Quinn pressed a kiss to the top of your head, holding you close to his chest. "He’ll come around."

You tried to believe Quinn, but as the days went by, Luke’s avoidance of you became abundant. It was a deliberate, almost strategic avoidance. When he did acknowledge you, his words were clipped, his eyes never meeting yours.

There were moments when you’d catch Luke staring at you from across the room, his expression almost unreadable. Despite Quinn’s reassurances, you couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something more to Luke’s behaviour, something you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

You decided that enough was enough. You needed to address this tension head-on, if not for your own peace of mind, then for the sake of your relationship with Quinn.

“Why do you hate me?” you ask suddenly, catching Luke off guard.

Luke finally turned to look at you, your eyes meeting for the first time since you’d entered the home. His breath catches in his throat. “I don’t hate you,” Luke replies, you not being able to trace any hints of untruthfulness.

“Then why have you been avoiding me the whole summer?” you press, desperation seeping into your tone. Luke sighs, looking away from you, his gaze fixed on the floor. “I mean… d-did I do something, or say something that upset you? Just tell me, 'cause I’m sorry.”

“No, y/n, it’s not that. I mean you’re amazing, it’s just…”

Luke’s voice trails off as he takes a couple of steps away from you, his shoulders sagging.

“Then what is it Luke, come on. I’m trying so hard here.” you huff, your frustration bubbling up. “You and Jack are so important to Quinn and I really love him so-”

“That’s exactly the problem!” Luke interjects, his voice suddenly sharp as he finally turns towards you. He opens his mouth to say more but stops, muttering ‘fuck’ under his breath, his fists clenching at his sides.

A flicker of confusion crosses your features before the realization dawns, a gentle understanding replacing your earlier apprehension. You take a tentative step towards him, your heart pounding in your chest.

“Luke… why didn’t you say anything?” you ask.

“What am I supposed to say?” he laughs bitterly. “You wanted me to say ‘Hey there, I’m your boyfriend's younger brother. By the way, I’m completely in love with you’.”

You stand there, stunned, as the weight of his words sink in. Your mind runs a million miles a minute as you process it all. A minute ago, you thought your boyfriend's younger brother hated you, and now you learn it’s the complete opposite. The room suddenly feels smaller, the air thicker. Luke runs a hand through his hair.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” he continues, his voice softer now, almost pleading. “I tried to stay away, to not let it show, but every time I saw you with Quinn, it just… hurt.”

You take another step closer. “Luke… I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”

“It’s not your fault,” he says quickly, his eyes meeting yours again, filled with a mixture of pain and longing. “You can’t control who you fall for, right?”

Your heart breaks a little for him, nodding slowly. “But why avoid me? Why push me away instead of talking to me? Or talk to Quinn?”

“Yeah, I don’t think it would’ve gone over too well if I told Quinn I had a crush on his girlfriend.” Luke chuckled humourlessly. He presses on when he sees your serious expression. “Listen, I didn’t want to make things harder for you, or for Quinn. I thought if I kept my distance, maybe I could move on. But I think I took it a little too far and sent the wrong message.”

Luke deflects with another humourless laugh, but your heart can’t help but break for him. You see the strain etched in his features, the way his shoulders slump under the weight of his unspoken feelings. You couldn’t help but feel like this was partially your fault, your attempts to bond with Luke likely pushing him further away.

"I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable, at all. All I wanted to do was bond with Quinn’s brothers,” you tell him. Luke shakes his head, ensuring you that you did nothing wrong. “But you have to know, my feelings are completely with Quinn. He means everything to me."

Luke nodded, a bittersweet smile tugging at his lips. "I know, I know. He's lucky to have you."

“Quinn loves to talk about you guys. I know how great you are, you’ll find the right person soon,” you reassure him. “But from now on just don’t ignore me. I know it might be tough but it’s better than having Quinn have to pick between the two of us.”

Luke let out a chuckle, looking back up at you. You had a small smile on your face, one that was unmistakably out of pity, but it was still pretty nonetheless.

You both fell into a more comfortable silence. It wasn't the kind of silence that comes from awkwardness or unresolved tension, but rather the kind that follows a necessary confrontation and the beginning of a resolution. Luke felt a small but significant weight lift from his shoulders.

"Should we head back outside?" you suggested, breaking the silence gently. "I think they might start to wonder where we are."

"Yeah," Luke agreed, his voice firmer. "You go, I’ll be right out."

You nodded, reaching out and giving Luke’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze. As you exited the kitchen, Luke stayed back for a moment longer, taking a deep breath. After laying his chest bare to you, he felt a strange sense of relief that mixed with the lingering sting of his unrequited feelings.

Luke leaned against the counter, staring out the window at the flickering fire outside. Everyone was engrossed in a dramatic story being told by Trevor, laughing and teasing each other. You were sat in Quinn’s lap, a wide smile on your face as you watched the blonde boy. As he watched you say something to Quinn, he couldn’t help but feel a pang of longing. Despite your conversation, Luke wasn’t over you. He might never get over you.

[yxngbxkkie]

mornings with jeongin ✨

so, this one's based on the skz code where seungmin wakes each member, but i couldn't find a gif of innie from it 😭 this will do! look at him! such a pretty boy 🥰 anyway, i hope you guys enjoy! much love 💓

~

"Oh my god," someone says as a bright light hits your closed eyes. You release a groan before turning into Jeongin, hiding your face in his arm.

Footsteps quickly fade away and you deeply sigh through your nose. You get comfortable again before tuning everything out. You can feel Jeongin shift in his spot, resting a hand on your waist.

"Shh, look at them," the same voice reaches your ears, causing you to flutter your eyes open.

"What are you doing?" You ask groggily, lifting your head a bit. You can see a cameraman standing behind Seungmin, and you immediately cover your face. "You're filming?!"

"Not right now, no. I made them stop when I saw you in here," Seungmin states while walking into the room, smacking his head off of the doorway.

He grunts in pain and he falls to his knees. Jeongin wakes up to the noise, his eyes finding you first. You smile at the man before his eyes drift towards Seungmin.

The two of you failed to notice a few other members lurking by the door. "Did you guys sleep together?" Minho asks, poking his head inside the room.

"Innocently, yeah," Jeongin mumbles while stretching his arms. "We're just friends."

The smile on your face drops at his words, the harsh reality kicking in. You stay quiet as the other members leave the two of you alone. You bring the blanket up to your chin, planning to stay in bed as they do their morning mission.

"Are you going back to sleep?" Jeongin asks you, pushing himself up from the bed.

You nod your head before nuzzling it into the pillow. Your best friend chuckles while pushing the hair out of your face.

"Would you ever sleep with me?" You ask him, feeling your cheeks flush with embarrassment.

Jeongin stops what he's doing and turns his gaze back to you. "I- What?" He stutters, shocked.

Your fingers clutch the stark white pillow, meeting his eyes. "Would you ever sleep with me? Like, in the non-innocent way," you ask again, preparing your heart for his answer.

The black-haired man wets his lips and furrows his brows. He mumbles something incoherently before getting out to bed. You watch as he walks over towards the door, gently closing it.

"I don't want them intruding," he mentions to you while crawling back on the bed. You stay silent as his eyes roam over your face. "Is this because of what Minho hyung said?"

You shrug. "Just out of curiosity, I guess," you whisper, toying with the hem of the blanket.

Jeongin sighs, bringing one of his hands to your face. "I would sleep with you," he confirms, stroking your cheek with his thumb. "But, I at least want to take you out first."

Your cheeks blush as his words sink in. He wants to take me out? You think to yourself. "I would love for you to take me out," you whisper with a smile.

He smiles softly before closing the space between you. His lips are soft on yours and you can feel your heart pounding against your chest. You pull away and dip your head, becoming more nervous.

"Don't get shy now," Jeongin giggles, placing both his hands on your cheeks, tilting your head back up. He looks into your eyes before whispering, "I'll take you out when we get back to Seoul. Promise."

"Okay."

~

tagging: @reddesert-healourblues @thewxntersoldier @spacegirlstuff @moon0fthenight @foxinnie8

[ficsbyuzi]

All the ways lead to you - part 3

Read Part 2

Characters - Aemond Targaryen and Inara Maegyr (OFC) in a modern AU.

Warnings - Slow burn. Mentions of alcohol and smoking. 

Summary - Inara tries to figure out how she feels about everything that happened on her first day at work.

Note - Flashback and internal monologues are in Italics.

Word count - 1593

"He is a man of few words. You'll get used to his personality once you start working with him," Margaery's voice cut through the hustle and bustle of the coffee house.

"He seems hard to impress," Inara shrugged, adding sweetener to her coffee.

"Well, he is a celebrity, a superstar here in Westeros. He meets and works with so many people every day. In his situation, anyone would act stoically while dealing with their staff."

Of course. He looks every bit of a superstar.

"His family descends from the ancient Targaryen royal line and still kind of owns this city."

Oh. Wow. Targaryens of Old Valyria.

Margaery chuckled, noticing Inara's eyebrows shoot up in astonishment and awe.

“Red Keep Production house and studios are half owned by them, so this show is his home production. Have you seen any of his work before?"

So he is The Boss.

“I should have done some homework before coming here." Smiling sheepishly, Inara made a mental note to watch some of Aemond's acting projects over the weekend.

They finished their coffee and she took her leave to attend her second orientation meeting with the on-set medical team. However, she had a hard time focusing on the presentations, her thoughts constantly drifting back to him. 

To the enigmatic Aemond Targaryen. 

Back home, she tried to immerse herself in her chores and her books, but thoughts of him clung to her like a shadow she couldn't shake off.

Although she was left feeling a bit intimidated by his presence, she couldn't help but replay her brief encounter with him in her mind.

His voice still thrummed through each fiber of her being, drowning her in a tantalizing warmth.

He was not around her anymore, yet she could still feel his gaze lingering on her, like an invisible caress.

There was something about him - both unnerving and exhilarating. Intimidating yet inviting. 

An inexplicable pull was drawing her to him. 

Maybe he has the same effect on everyone around him.

Maybe I am merely in awe of a celebrity. 

Yeah that's all it is. 

But since when have I started fangirling over movie or TV stars?

She rolled her eyes at her chattering mind and tried to clear her head by writing in her journal.

I had a good day today. The world of glamor and showbiz is a realm far beyond anything I've ever known. But I need to learn more about how to maintain a professional decorum. It is unlikely that I will ever have the chance to know someone like Aemond Targaryen on a deeper level.

Smiling, she stared at his name on the paper for a moment. Of all the words she had ever written, those were two she never thought she would find in her personal journal. Ignoring the flock of butterflies taking flight in her chest, she continued - 

I'm just an employee. A small cog in the grand machinery of his professional life. Why would he pay any attention to me?

She frowned at her own musings, closing her journal with a sigh. Glancing at her phone one last time, she noticed the emails from both teams in her inbox. Emails that were a reminder of her role as a professional. She was there to work and forge a path to a career she aspired for.

The sky thundered outside, the sound interrupting the chain of her thoughts and bringing her back to her reality once again. 

My first rain in King's Landing. 

As the clouds began to pour, sleep gently flickered her eyes closed. Her mind, hanging between wakefulness and the subliminal, recalled a cherished memory from the past - her father telling her favorite bedtime story about a valiant Valyrian prince and his dragon, the largest in the world.

-

Two months ago.

"You need a drink," Criston Cole, Aemond’s best friend and his personal assistant, remarked pointing a finger at him as he entered his office. He dropped a file onto his cluttered desk, taking the chair across the table.

"It's ten in the morning," Aemond replied, sifting through the pile of documents scattered around, his frustration palpable.

"Your face says it's ten at night."

Aemond sighed deeply, rolling his eyes. Criston chuckled, pulling out a cigarette and offering it to him, who accepted reluctantly. Criston placed one between his teeth too, lighting the cigarettes for both. Taking a long drag, both men leaned back in their chairs.

"This project is vital. It has to work. We have it to get renewed for two more seasons," Aemond said, exhaling a thick plume of smoke through his nose.

"Everything will be alright."

"As long as my uncle sits on the board, nothing will be alright," Aemond muttered, his gaze drifting back to the mess on his desk.

"Why do you worry so much? Your mother and I are doing the best we can."

"That's not enough!” Aemond's voice rose as he slapped the table, causing a few papers to flutter. "Where's Aegon? Why isn't he in the office? I have rehearsals; I shouldn't be doing his work." He stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray and stood up abruptly. "Call him right now!"

"Aemond, calm down," Criston said, his concern evident in his voice. 

"And this..this pile of papers - why is it on my desk?" Aemond swiped the files off his desk in a fit of rage. "Where are my scripts? Where is the report on the CGI budget?"

One of the folders slid to the edge of the table, its contents spilling out. A document with a photograph of a young woman caught Aemond's eye. Instinctively, he picked it up.

"Do I have to do the hiring too now?” His tone softened a notch as he examined the document - a resume, “Be an HR consultant too?" 

The name on the document read - Inara Maegyr. Bachelor of Medicine. Diploma in Makeup and Prosthetic arts.

"I brought that file. It's a list of shortlisted medicos," Criston explained, stretching out a hand to take it from Aemond, who was still engrossed in the document. "And it wasn't for you to check, anyway."

"Hire her." Aemond handed over the resume he was holding and tossed the rest of the folder aside.

"What? Hire who?" Criston asked, his face contorted in confusion as he took the document from Aemond, who was already lighting another cigarette. "There are interviews and proper processes to follow before the project goes on the floor. I can't just hire anyone..” He paused to check the name on the resume.

 “Inara Maegyr, what's with her?"

Aemond only exhaled curls of smoke in response.

"She seems... interesting," Criston said, raising an eyebrow at the document.

“Hire her, she looks..” Aemond fumbled, but quickly corrected the course, “I mean, she seems suitable for the job.” He flicked his cigarette into the ashtray, watching the embers fade.

“We don't want to lose a talented candidate, do we?” 

“Who's acting like an HR consultant now?” Criston teased him. 

-

Aemond was reclining on a couch in his opulent bedroom, an unbuttoned shirt draping over his frame, a cigarette poised between his fingers. Wisps of smoke swirled around him, as he was gazing up the ceiling, lost in his thoughts. 

Thoughts of her.

Her innocent smile. 

A smile that felt like a refreshing mist in the putridness of his life. A simple, unassuming gesture from her, yet it pierced through the shadows that often clouded his days. 

The way her stunning, fire-colored eyes lit up when she approached him with her sweet demeanor, stayed with him. 

Taking a deep drag from his cigarette, he ran a hand through his hair, as he recalled their brief interaction. A smile played on his lips, resurfacing the dimple on his cheek. 

Ever since he had read her resume, he had been curious about the woman behind those impressive credentials. He had been eagerly anticipating meeting her in person.

But upon finding her so close, his words scrambled out of nervousness, and he couldn't even make eye contact with her - an unusual experience for him. Typically, people went speechless in front of him, not the other way around. He couldn't afford to shatter his composed exterior. He couldn't allow her to expose a vulnerability that he rarely acknowledged. 

But now, he was certain that he had driven away the unstained, unadulterated warmth she emanated. Unintentionally, he had intimidated her. 

He wasn't accustomed to being caught off guard by such intense emotions for someone he had just met.

It had been years since anyone had stirred any feelings within him. 

Despite being surrounded by a bevy of attractive business women, actresses, and models at work, he had never felt this way about anyone else, the way he felt about - 

“Inara,” surprised by the unfamiliar sensation of her name on his lips, he realised he had never voiced her name before.

Curiously, he picked up his phone to google the meaning of her name.

A ray of light.

An image of a ray of light piercing through the window of a darkened room closed for too long, surfaced in his mind. 

Sky roared outside, pulling him back into his dimly lit room. The sound of heavy raindrops splattering and clattering against the sophisticated French windows lulled him to sleep.

As he closed his eyes, a soothing petrichor filled his retiring senses, wrapping him in a blanket of tranquility.

The sweet, mellow scent brought back the memory of the moment when their eyes first met.

-x-

Taglist - @zenka69

Next part - soon :)

[savventeen]

a rose that blooms in winter

pairing: seungkwan x gn!reader rating: G wc: 672 words prompt: none, just wanted winter vibes <3 summary: walking home with you on a snowy winter evening, seungkwan decides to be brave. warnings: none tags: fluff, getting together, declarations of love, first kiss, seungkwan is in love with reader and finally decides to say something a/n: this is just something soft and sweet for my favorite season <3 also i know i'll never get to smooch seungkwan's cheeks irl so i have to live vicariously through the reader lol (this was originally a yoonjin drabble posted on twitter/ao3)

seungkwan isn't quite sure why this is the moment he's choosing to be brave.

maybe it’s because it’s one of those moments that feels suspended in time — one that’s been gently paused and taken just outside the realm of reality.

you’re both surrounded by the falling snow, large fat flakes drifting down and quietly kissing jackets and beanies and rosy cheeks alike. you stand there under the pale lamplight, grocery bags in hand and waiting next to him for the signal to change so you can cross the street together.

he looks over at you, watches the way you look up at the grey, winter sky like it’s some kind of miracle, and when you open your mouth to catch a falling flake on your tongue, something in him squeezes before slotting into place.

suddenly, he comes to an incredible realization: it doesn’t matter what his destination is — it will never matter. The both of you could walk anywhere and everywhere, through any city, over mountains and across deserts and he would never be lost because his home would be walking right beside him.

maybe he’s choosing to be brave because it’s something that’s been building for a while now.

he hadn’t known what it was, at first — a mysterious seed that had been planted in his chest.

but oh, had it grown.

with every smile, with every touch, with every honey-dipped whisper of his name, it had grown. it was still growing, even now as he listens to you laugh about a stupid joke you'd just made — and it was going to keep growing, keep blooming and blossoming and filling the empty spaces between his ribs.

maybe, above all, he’s going to say it because it’s true.

it’s a truth that’s existed in him for weeks, and he's never been one for keeping those things hidden away. he's spent his whole life living in every new truth he discovers, no matter the consequences.

no matter the consequences.

because that’s what being brave is, right?

but though he always has been and always will be someone who is braver than he thinks, he will also never be immune to fear.

fear, who takes his declaration and makes it quiver, rushed, and the soft wool of his scarf absorbs his voice like so many other things have stolen it in the past — like so many people and places and circumstances he couldn’t control.

you turn to him when you hear him mumble, and you blink some snowflakes out of your lashes. “what did you say? i didn’t hear you.”

but he can control this, he knows. his fear is not an untamed beast.

he can control the way he chooses to peel back all of the layers he's built up from winter after winter after winter — he can control the way he gets down to his flesh and bone and chooses to open up even further still, cracking his chest open just enough for you to see where his heart thump-thumps to a song he thinks only you know how to sing.

“seungkwan?”

no matter the consequences.

“i love you.”

your face is frozen for a moment, the changing of the traffic light going unnoticed behind you.

but then shock bleeds into awe bleeds into joy bleeds into you dropping your grocery bags, yanking down his scarf, and bringing his face to yours and kissing him soundly — cold and sweet and emphatic and full of an exuberance that can only come with yearning, returned.

you pull back, eyes wild and grin bright enough to melt the polar ice caps as you declare — “boo seungkwan, you are the light of my fucking life” — before immediately diving back in to pepper kisses across his cheeks, red from the cold and something else.

he giggles, startled and endeared and so, so in love.

and then he pulls back just enough to hold your face between his mittened hands and bring your freezing noses together. “and you're mine.”

[sanemislittledemon]

little mortal - He Xuan x chubby reader

cw: not sfw, minors dni

You were on a ship that unknowingly drifted into the south seas, into his domain. the ship started to sink but miraculously you end up on an island and come face to face with the most beautiful and dangerous man you have ever seen.

' Am I dead? ' Y/N thought as she lays in the scorching sun, on what feels like sand?

" Wake up mortal " said a deep menacing voice that almost had her heart stop. Y/N quickly opened her eyes in search of that voice, when she finds it her heart races in her chest. Before her stands a man that looks to be in his twenties, cloaked all in black with eyes that could pierce right through your soul. " What do you think you're doing in my domain, little mortal? " The man askes

Y/N tries to calm her racing heart as she replies " I-I don't know...i was on my ship and it started to sink-" she didn't get the chance to finish when he cut her off " Of course it sunk mortal, you are in the black water demon lair " he says. It takes Y/N a minute to process what the man said ' black water demon lair? ' She thought but doesn't that mean he's? her head shot up at the realization. " Um... are you Lord Black Water? " She nervously askes. the man in black walks closer to stand over her " yes I am, now get up and follow me " he replies while pulling her up off the sandy beach.

Y/N obediently follows behind the ghost king that's still gently gripping her arm, they walk through a forest for a long while before coming to a manor that's as black as the night sky and just as big. ' gorgeous ' she thinks but she quickly realizes she may have said it out loud because the man tenses. the pair eventually makes it to the towering stairs of said manor ' so many ' she says intimidated by the shear amount of them. " Come along, mortal " says Black Water. Y/N hesitates before saying " Lord Black Water, I couldn't possibly... " her words trail off. The man looks back at her, there's a deep blush spread across her cheeks, but he notices the tears that she refuses to let fall from her eyes.

Black Water examens her closely. It's true that he hasn't been human for some time but he's not stupid. Y/N hears Black Water sigh before he draws something on the ground and pulls her on it with him, in a flash of light and wind they both were on top of those towering stairs. " W-what happened? " Y/N asked Black Water looks at her for a moment before he replies " What kind of Ghost King would I be if I couldn't even use simple teleportation arrays? " Her blush deepens " that's amazing Lord Black Water! " Y/N says while smiling at the ghost. Black Water turns toward her sharply " Why do you keep calling me that? mortals like you are usually terrified of me, what makes you any different? " He snaps. That surprises Y/N, she looks in his eyes and sees centuries long loneliness in those beautifully dark eyes " Well what would you prefer me to call you? I didn't mean any disrespect, I just thought as a Ghost King, you would want me to call you Lord" she gently explains to him.

Her explanation seems to surprise him, his eyes holding some doubts about this human so she continues with a blush paining her cheeks " I-If my Lord would allow me, I could call him by his name if he was to tell me it " She finishes. It seems that made Black Water come back to reality but surprisingly he replies " He Xuan " then be hesitates but soon continues " call me He Xuan and what might your name be, little mortal? " He asks it takes Y/N a moment to calm herself before replying " my name is Y/N " she says timidly ' what a beautiful name ' He Xuan thought it would seem that he was right for saving and bringing her to his island. it's been so long since someone else besides that damn Crimson Rain Sought Flower was on this island. He Xuan has been alone since his revenge, it's so lonely on this island. He Xuan was quickly jerked out of his thoughts by Y/N gently touching his shoulder and saying his name, it sounds so alluring coming from those red plump lips ' I would love to hear my name coming out of those lips in other ways ' he thought.

" He Xuan? He Xuan are you okay? " Y/N asks while still lightly shaking his shoulder. He Xuan looks her in the eyes ' gorgeous ' he thinks before snapping out of it and pulling her by her wrist inside the dark manor. It was big and just as dark on the inside, but she didn't get the chance to admire it before she was pushed to the closed door and that ice cold on her back, her bright eyes shot up to his dark ones " He Xuan? " She questioned as he put his solid body against her plush one. Y/N wasn't scared of him as any normal person would be on the contrary, she felt a thrill go down her body and settle in her lower abdomen. the ghost finally spoke in a low voice " you have been possessing my thoughts since the moment I saved you from my sea, how are you doing this to me mortal? " He asks Y/N's head is spinning right now this it all happening to fast, why would a supreme ghost king be attached to someone like her? Y/N fists her hands in the front of his ropes but she doesn't push him away. She says weakly " He Xuan I'm sure you could have anyone you want, why someone like me? " This question shocks the Ghost King and makes him pull back just enough to look at her face " what do you mean by that? " He asks voice as cold as ice, it makes she shudder, but she replies all the same " my appearance...it's not good" she trails off.

That seems to stake a cord with the Ghost King, he quickly pulls her through the main hall up the stairs to a room that looks like it would be a bedroom. He Xuan throws her into the bed then climbs on top of her, caging her head with his arms. " I am not going to do anything you do not want, say it clearly but first I'm going to speak do you understand me, little mortal? " He Xuan asks in a low commanding voice all Y/N could do was nod but then He Xuan replied he a single word " Speak " his eyes locked on to hers and she was certain he could hear her hear beating in her chest " yes He Xuan, I understand. "

" Good girl " he says before continuing " first I don't want to hear you talking about yourself like that in my presents again, how could a moral possibly know what or whom I find attractive or alluring? " He says with a bite to his tone " secondly, I have been bewitched by you from the moment I saw you unconscious in my waters, I haven't felt this way for centuries " he pauses before continuing " I'm going to ask this once so listen well, little mortal. do I have your consent to make you feel good? " When the words left his mouth Y/N blushed impossibly deeper she knew what he was asking of her, but she just wanted to clarify " Y-you mean make love to me, He Xuan? " At that he just nods without breaking eye contact with her once, Y/N takes a moment to steady her breathing and her racing heart before replying " yes please, He Xuan " that was all he needed before he descends on her and quickly took her lips with his.

He is gentle and carful where he puts his hands, but the kiss was anything but gentle. He Xuan kisses her like a starving man, desperate and needy he runs his tongue over the seam of her tightly closed lips prying them open for him. A moan escapes her lips when his tongue enters her wet cavern, it was music to He Xuan's ears ' so cute ' he thought as his hands moved to remove her ropes that were still wet with sea water. Y/N quickly tried to cover up her full breasts but He Xuan was quicker; he grabbed her wrists and pinned them above her head. she momently broke the kiss to complain but her voice died when the Ghost King starting licking and biting her throat and chest, slowly making his way down. He Xuan drew back from her delicious skin to look down and the mess her made of her, Y/N was breathing heavy, and her skin was glistening with a sheen of sweat with bright red bites that makes a nice contrast to her pale skin. He Xuan let his eyes wounder down even further to her full and plump breasts, her nipples standing up like they were waiting on his attention. ' I shouldn't keep them waiting ' he thought before he lowered his head while looking into her eyes as he gave one an experimental lick, drawing a loud moan out of her.

He Xuan licked and sucked on one of her nipples while her pinched and rolled the other with his hand, Y/N let out a loud series of moans and arched her back accidentally brushing He Xuan's aching cock that was still confined in his pants. He Xuan let out a low groan as his cock was brushed by her body, he finally released her nipple with a wet pop and continued his way down her body stopping to pay extra attention to her round stomach and craves. He Xuan purposely avoided the area she needed him most opting to suck marks into her plush thighs, he slowly made his way up towards her heat spreading her thighs more as he went.

He Xuan's eyes ghosted over her sex making his cock throb " fuck, you're so wet down here, little moral" he says in a groan making Y/N whimper and buck her hips in his direction. He Xuan let out a breathy laugh at her eagerness and asks, " what is it you want my darling little mortal? " But she didn't know what to ask for she just knew she needed him, so she just begs " please He Xuan... " seeing her beg so prettily for him how could He Xuan bully her anymore?

He Xuan slowly lowers his head to her dripping sex and slowly licked up the length of it, she let out a whimper and gripped his hair when he got to her clit, slowly circling it and teasing her. " He Xuan... please more " Y/N moans out she needs more, she needs him. He Xuan finally stops his teasing and starts to lap at her clit until he pulls the bud into his mouth, sucking on in until she's screaming in her own pleasure.

" He Xuan! " Is the only warning he gets before she's cumming on his face but that doesn't stop the Ghost King while his still lapping at her sex, he inserts two fingers into her and using the other hand to keep her hips still. When she finally feels loose enough, he pulls away leaving her a panting mess. He Xuan lets his eyes ghost over her body while his removing his robes and pants, finally taking his cock out of its prison. Y/N's eyes widen at the sheer size of it while he strokes it slowly " are you ready, little mortal? " He asks groaning at finally having contact on his cock, she knows she can't speak so she just nods her head. He Xuan moves back up on top of her, she gasps when he feels the head touch her opening. this time it's He Xuan that lets out a moan when he easily slides into her, he stops to let her adjust when he's fully inside of her warm body " Gods you are so tight little mortal, you are squeezing around me so perfectly " When she was finally adjusted, He Xuan slowly pulled out until just the tip was inside before thrusting back into her warm cavern making them both moan, Y/N grabbed on tightly to the man above her while his thrusts got more powerful.

It didn't take He Xuan long to find that stop inside that made Y/N scream with pleasure and tighten around him even more " H-He Xuan, I'm going to cum! " She moaned he grunted in agreement feeling like he isn't going to last either, Y/N came first then He Xuan after two more thrusts, he came deep inside of her feeling her to the brim. It took the couple a while to calm their breathing before He Xuan pulled out and laid next to her, he looked over to Y/N but realized she was sleep ' I probably over did it ' he thought but smiled at her all the same " maybe this island won't be lonely anymore " he said while pulling the blankets over them both and drifting off to sleep.

MY FIRST FANFIC IN YEARS!!!! I noticed there wasn't any Y/N fanfics of this beautifully angsty man so here you go!

[igotanidea]

COUNTERPARTS: Morpheus x OC

Summary: Kayleen was born to be the embodiment of Reality. Protector of the Waking World and Keeper of the Order. Naturally, that makes her a counterpart of the Dream of The Endless. Despite their differences in both approach to life and characters they are forced to work together to keep balance between Dreaming and Waking. Thank God, they are both professionals who DO NOT fight or engage emotionally….. Or do they?

And will anything change after Dream gets imprisoned, and gone for a century, leaving both Dreaming and Waking World crumble?

Pairing: Morpheus x OC 

A/N: Not so much Dream in this chapter but we got someone else. Keep hanging on, there's gonna be more of him soon.

Word count: 2087

Epilogue:

Chapter 1 : Sometimes reality sucks

next - chapter 3 : A rough nightmare

Chapter 2

Welcome back to Reality.

Next day after a visit to the Dreaming was always a menace. The human part of me was quite burned with crossing the realms so I felt like I was hangover. Thankfully, I’ve quickly learnt how to deal with that. I mean, I live in the Waking, I am human and I gotta work for a living. That’s what reality is about. So living my second, undercover life and repercussions of that cannot get in the way.

For everyone who may wonder – I work as a teacher at the university. It was actually a funny situation, when a girl looking like she was in her late 20s applied for a position, but let’s face the facts. I am in fact so much older than I actually look. Like, SO MUCH older. Obviously, my knowledge is also proportionally bigger. I got the cathedra on the spot, after answering just a couple of questions.  Funny thing being the fact that I teach writing. And before you start laughing about the irony of Reality showing how to make art just stop and think about it. Words are just the expressions of what’s in our heads but what is possible in the real world. No one would read something that had zero chance of happening, right? Stories are hopes for the future, deriving from the dreams and imaginations but rooted in reality. Serves my purpose quite well, doesn’t it? Besides, reality should not be confused with mundane.

As I quickly gathered my things and rush to catch a train I let my mind drift. Today’s class will be covering the topic of creating characters. Discovering the truth behind the words they say. A little bit of judging their motives. Not that I’m saying people are liars but there’s usually more than what they show. Let’s see than. A woman in front of me talking on the phone. She’s describing the party she was at during the weekend. It was amazing,  I swear. I had so much fun and I believe Nathan finally noticed me. The truth? She attended a birthday surpise for her popular friend and for the entire evening she felt unimportant and humiliated. Almost invisible like a ghost.  A little boy travelling with his mum. Looking like an angel just sitting there with his eyes softly gazing through the window. But in real world? He’s a real devil causing trouble wherever he goes, so his parents decided to take him to the therapy to get some help. Don’t get me wrong, but it’s in human nature to interpret facts and truths in their own. Nothing wrong with that, as long as they don’t get to deep with that.

Oh, here we go, another sleeper. Just an inch from falling of the chair. Morpheus gonna be so pissed but we got human in danger, right? I gently nudge him on the arm and catch him before he gets damaged.

-Hey, here we go! – I sit him back up

-Thank you miss. I guess I dozed off.

-I noticed – I smile at him – rough night?

-You can say so. I was bothered with the nightmares so I did not get enough sleep.

-Well, good thing is was just a nightmare, right? Reality always brings us back on the ground to gain some perspective.

-I suppose it does …..

-Anyway, that’s my station. Have a lovely day, sir.

-You too, miss.

Yeah, Morpheus gonna be SO angry with me.

When the class end I notice one of the students hesitate to leave the room. The girl name is Aubrey, she’s usually the active and bubbly one, always bursting with creative ideas but today she just sat quiet for an entire hour.

-Professor? – she slowly and shyly approach me

-Aubrey, hi. Is everything ok?

-No… I mean, I thought that maybe I could talk to you? There’s something on my mind that I can’t quite shake off. I really don’t know who else to talk to.

-As much as I appreciate that, have you tried the university counsellor? He’s the one qualified for that kind of situations.

-I’d rather talk to you. That is…. if you don’t mind – her eyes are basically begging for help.

-Of course. Please. – I encourage her to sit in the front row of seats and take a place next to her, patiently waiting for her to start.

-So… It’s actually a bit embarrassing, but…. Maybe, that was a bad idea – he abruptly stands up.

-Aubrey, please, let me help in whatever way I can. Tell me what’s happening – my voice resonating in the air.

-Ok – she sighs – it’s a delicate matter. A relationship I was in is crumbling. I blame myself because I never wanted  to….you know – she rolls her eyes so I nod my head knowing exactly what she means. – I’m just not ready, but now everytime I see Trent, I mean, the guy, I picture him in some … situations …. That should not take place. Like… you know…. with other girls and …. – she starts to shake – I just can’t. You always teach us to search for the truth behind the words, so I though maybe you would help me get why is this happening? – tears starts falling down her cheeks.

-Oh, Aubrey – I look at her carefully – do you have any evidence of what’s going on inside your head? Did you see something? Or heard something?

-No, no, nothing like that. I just….

-You are just projecting, aren’t you?

-I guess.

-It’s ok, you know. You are so young, a lot of things can easily influence your mind. But I need to open your eyes now.

-What do you mean? What should I do?

-As much as hard it seems you need to talk to him. Ask him what’s happening. Focus on the facts.

-What if he lies? How will I even know if he’s telling the truth

I sigh. I hate this part.

-Don’t worry, he will tell the truth. You will know it, believe me – I reassuringly tap her hand.

-Thank you, professor, I’ll try that.

-Great. You know you can come to me everytime something captures your mind this way, right?

-I know.

-Good. Now, off you go – I smile at her – you surely don’t want to be late for your next class, do you?

I know this Trent guy, Aubrey was talking about. He’s acts like a popular boy, taking care of his reputation, posing like a playboy and heartbreaker, but in fact he’s broken  himself. He uses this pose as some kind of shield. He’s in my 11.30 class, so I’m gonna put some reality trick on him. Nothing detrimental, of course, simply necessary means to mend two souls. 

***

The conversation groups are usually small, consisting of 5 to 10 people. This gives teachers opportunity to focus on each individuals but also get into some interesting conversations – clash of characters and points of view. This kind of class is the one in which I’m a guest and the students play the first fiddle. I like that. Seeing passion and fire of some, logic and cold approach in others. A clash indeed. This will never get boring for me. We were basically in the middle of conversation when the clock showed that it’s time to end. -

-Ok, class. As much as I hate it and would love to continue, the time we had it’s over. Such a merciless one, isn’t it? – even though I have my abilities because of him – we shall continue this on Wednesday so keep your arguments sharpened and your minds open – Trent I’d like a few words with you, stay please.

-What’s up, prof? – any other student in his place would get cautious, asking whether one did something wrong or something happened but not this one. Like I said, such a poser. How do I even start talking to him, without meddling too much? Let’s roll the ball.

-How’s life been going, Trent? – I mimic his carefree tone – everything all right?

-Yep – he emphasizes the “p”  - Pretty great. But did you really call me for a small talk?

-Not really I shake my head - I noticed some changes in your writings. You last essay seems a little more…. Intense in some descriptions, why is that?

-Well – he tries to hide it but his face becomes reddish. – Wait. How do you even know which was mine? They were written anonymously.

-Trent, please. After all the time I’ve spend reading students’ work …..

-So what is the purpose of anonymity then?

-To help you spread your wings and get rid of inhibitions. But … you’re not gonna tell anyone about it, are you? In exchange I’ll show you some truth in your life. – was that morally ambiguous and could be qualified as manipulating the student? Probably. So sad. Anyway.

-What truth? – Trent frowned in confusion. This one was never a smarty-pants.  

-Well …. – I look into his eyes. It’s not hypnosis per se, more like a search for underlying meaning. No words are needed so that’s something and after all he won’t even remember being here. The whole procedure as I call it, only takes a couple of seconds. And now, I’m pretty sure he’s gonna mend some bridges with Aubrey. – I think you should go now, Trent. You have some other things to take care of, don’t you?

-Yeah…. I guess…  See you Wednesday, prof.

As soon as he exits and I try to gather my things before lunch I hear some familiar voice coming from the door.

-You should be a therapist, you know? Never really understood why you choose a teaching career.

Oh, there she is. Standing there with her perfect smile, her black hair so similar to her brother’s (except curly) floating around as she shakes her head.

-Ego driven choice. I’m a show-off when it comes to knowledge.

-You are a terrible liar – she comes closer and hugs me. Ladies and gentleman, welcome on the stage, The Death herself. Dream’s sister and I daresay – my friend – Hello Kayleen – she smiles blindingly.

-Hello, Death. You truly are a sight for a sore eyes. How many boys broke their necks when you walked in here?

-Just a few I suppose.

-I’m even scared to ask , but are you here on business or pleasure?

-A bit of both, I’m afraid.

Start with good news than.

-Well, I came to visit you. Though maybe a coffee would be a good idea. Maybe in the university cafeteria….

-Oh, no. Don’t tell me you’re here for Ellen.

-As if I had any choice with that.

-Been that busy lately? – I grab my back as we head towards the cafeteria.

-No more than usual. But I see you got your hands full.

We both order out drinks – black coffee for me and cappuccino for Death , sadness dripping from our eyes as we look at cafeteria lady, Ellen. She is left with so little time as drinking a coffee takes.

-I would say its’ really no more than usual as well, but I can sense something in the air.

-What do you mean? Is it the matter of Waking or Dreaming?

-I’m not entirely sure. At least not yet. I can only tell we should ….

-Keep our eyes open? – she smiles widely.

-Precisely.

For a second we stay silent.

-You know, Dream’s been acting weird lately…..

-Oh no, please don’t . This is supposed to be a nice break from my duties. Don’t ruin it with mentioning your brother.

-Ok, fine, fine – she surrenders raising her hands– I’m gonna worry about him all by myself. But deep down you are concerned bout him. Is it not truth, Kayleen? – she lets the question hang as she finishes her coffee. – Anyway, gotta get back to work.

-That was a pretty quick reunion – I point out.

-I know. Not by my choice. You should come visit me though. I will have more time on Sunday, I believe.

-You're inviting me to the Sunless Land? You realise I'm still part human, right? - I look at her carefully, narrowing my eyes - I’ll consider that. - I shug my arms casually like a visit to Death was just a social call.

-Awesome – she hugs me again – you know, I’m right behind those black door of yours.

With that, she leaves, and the only words stuck in my head are “you are concerned bout him ”. Well, maybe I am. And maybe I shouldn't be.

next: chapter 3

[jagerstian]

Ong umm WK Siren AU??? Began writing for it, you can read it under the cut. Tell me if this has been done already-

'Well, this is new', Martin thought as the heavenly song drifted through the air, falling upon eagerly listening ears. Sirens were known for their songs alluring sailors, and sailing maidens, to their watery graves. Many thought the songs sang of the listener's romantic or sexual fantasy, but that wasn't strictly true. The songs consisted of whatever the listener desired most, whether that be a companion, or a large cash of fish. It could be fun, too, opening one's mouth and having the lyrics form all on their own, because of course a siren doesn't know what the desires are. That's where the magic of the siren's song comes in. 

     Martin had sang a lot of songs in his time, as his curiosity for the human world had drawn him to settle near the coast, but he'd never sang one about this. 'I guess he's just as intrigued as I am, only for different things.'  The interesting lyrics that were forming on his tongue and falling from his seasalt-kissed lips were ones about discovery, and adventure, and knowing. Exploring the natural world, with no desire greater than that to uncover a new species, or learn the truth to nature's biggest mysteries. 

     The man who had fallen victim to Martin's song was of average height, his hair a dark, chocolate brown, and eyes that shone with intelligence, though the glaze covering them currently obscured that slightly. He walked into the surf, shoes and all, as if on autopilot. The secluded area Martin had stationed himself meant no one would see the curious man get lured away, and no one would care that he was getting his clothes wet. 

     'Too easy', Martin thought with a smirk. 'Unfortunate that someone so similar to me has to drown, though. I think we could have gotten along.'

     Martin's face fell slightly, before shaking his head. 'It would never work. A siren and a human? Friends? That would be doomed from the start.'  

     The stranger had walked farther into the water and Martin snapped back to reality as he was approached. He sang lazily, his gaze absorbing every detail of the human he could before he would inevitably let him drown. Such fascinating creatures, humans were. Martin never got tired of looking at them, they were all so similar and so unique at the same time. His gaze lowered to the water gently knocking against the human's body and his head tilted involuntarily. His eyes narrowed, trying to see below the water better, before dunking his head completely under. Fish were fairly normal to see hanging around people's legs, nibbling on their leg hairs and toes, but under the surface and surrounding Martin's prey was a multitude of oceanic life. From crabs to fish to stingrays, there were critters all following the stranger around, as if they knew him.

    'Geez, this guy's got half the ocean eating out of his hand! I wonder how he-' Martin resurfaced, mind racing as he tried to figure out why these creatures would be so comfortable with the land-dwelling intruder, when a groan from said intruder made him jump.

     'Oh, shit.' In his curiosity he had stopped singing, his mind too pre-occupied with the new puzzle at hand. The stranger was waking up from the trance, groaning quietly and raising a hand to his head. Martin's eyes had gone wide, his heart racing in what might have been panic, or perhaps excitement; he couldn't tell which. He had seen people of all shapes and sizes, touched their weird cloth coverings and poked at their weird, fleshy legs, but he had never actually talked to one before. Sirens didn't talk to humans, they only lured them to the depths of the sea! And yet, Martin couldn't bring himself to sing again. Not that it would have mattered, the stranger's mind was clearing more and more every second, and he was starting to take in the scene before him.

     "What the-" he started. "When did I decide to go for a swim? Ugh, my head hurts. Why do my- am I wearing my shoes?" He lifted one of his legs up to reveal his, indeed, shoe-clad foot. "Huh. Maybe Aviva was right, I should lay off the coffee." Movement caught from the corner of his eye drew him to look up and finally notice Martin, who had tried to slip under the water before the human noticed him, deciding that this was, in fact, a terrible idea and that he wanted to get out of there. Now. 

     Martin froze in place, panic practically dripping from his pores as he stared at the man who had caught him mid-retreat. For a moment, the man stared at Martin, and Martin stared at the man. The stranger blinked. Martin blinked back. 

     "Uh, hi. I'm-" the man started. Martin dove under the water and just like that, he was gone, as if he had never been there in the first place. 

"-Chris", he finished. The man- Chris- looked out to the ocean, rubbing his neck. 'Was that a guy I just saw? But it couldn't have been, humans can't swim that fast, so what…?'

     "...What the fuck was that?"

He made his way back to shore, removing his shoes and dumping the sea water out. He was mentally rifling through various explanations for what he'd just experienced. 

     'Well, I blacked out, right? So maybe it was heat stroke, and I hallucinated the whole thing? My head does kind of hurt, but it seemed so real. I could see everything in those eyes…'

     He was brought out of his thoughts by a voice calling his name.

     "-Ris! Chris, where are you? Chris!"

Chris's face lit up at the familiar sound. He hurriedly put his shoes back on and made his way towards the voices.

     "Aviva! Koki! I'm over here!" He called as the two girls came into view, the public beach and pier stretching out behind them. They ran over to him, relief taking over their expressions. 

     "Chris Kratt, what do you think you're doing? Where did you go?" Aviva scolded. 

     "We've been looking for you for ages!" Koki added.

     Chris raised a hand to his eyes and looked at the sun beginning to dip below the water line, ready for it's nightly swim. He must've lost track of time while out researching. He lowered his hand and turned a bashful face back towards the two, chuckling sheepishly. 

     "Sorry, guys, I guess I got distracted exploring."

Koki rolled her eyes, the playful smile tugging at her lips giving her away. Aviva raised an eyebrow while looking him up and down.

    "And what, pray tell, did you find that was so 'distracting'? Something in the ocean, judging from your soaking wet clothes and… shoes?"

The memory of Martin's spotlit and panicked face flashed across his mind's eye. He shook his head, deciding it might be best to look into this mystery a bit more before dragging the others into it. It could be nothing, after all.

     "Ah, yup! Thought I saw a, um, really interesting fish and wanted to get a closer look before it swam away. It could've been rare, or maybe even a new species! You never know, ha ha… ha…" he trailed off.

     Koki began to laugh as Aviva shook her head. 

     "Chico tonto, what ever will we do with you?" She giggled. 

     "Mmm, maybe get me back to the Tortuga so I can put some dry clothes on?" He laughed with them. 

     "It is getting dark, we should head back", Koki chimed in. 

     "Alright, c'mon Chris, let's get you home and warmed up." 

He laid there on his back, staring up at the top of the Tortuga. Aviva, Koki, and Jimmy slept peacefully from their respective hammocks, their chorus of soft breathing and light snores usually a comforting lullaby to the adventurer. But tonight, his thoughts were just a tad louder, and they were keeping him awake. He'd decided that what he saw earlier was definitely not a hallucination. Hallucinations can't look at you with eyes that soulful, there's no way. But he still didn't know what it was that he saw. He was certain it wasn't a human, it was simply impossible. The only way to find out for sure would be to go back and see if it showed up again. Hopefully this time he'll be hydrated and won't black out so he can get a good look at the… whatever it is. He shifted in his hammock, finding an unbelievably comfy position and letting out a sleepy, content sigh, his eyes finally drifting closed.

     "Tomorrow", he whispered before succumbing to the warm embrace of sleep.

[alidravana]

Trying my hand at writing some drabbles for this event by @tarlosweeklyprompts, it's been a while since I've written for Tarlos, so bear with me!

Event: 12 Days of Tarlos

Day 2: Christmas Tree Shopping

Rating/Length: Teen, ~500 words

Drabble is below the cut - enjoy!

“Remind me why we’re doing this again?” TK grunted, wishing he could wipe the sweat off his forehead, but didn’t want to lose his tenuous grip on the tree.  Carlos was doing most of the heavy lifting at the bottom of the tree, dragging it through the snow drifts, while TK was stumbling along trying to help, but wasn’t sure if his help was more of a hindrance at this point. 

Carlos turned, his eyes staring at TK.  “Because someone said they dreamed of picking out a Christmas tree, because someone wanted the ‘full winter experience’,” he emphasized in finger quotes, TK wincing at the thump the tree made as it fell to the ground, “and that someone was you, babe.”

Although TK was faced with the prospect of having to pick the tree up, again, he couldn’t help but smile at Carlos’s use of the word babe.  Because although Carlos may be a bit annoyed at him, he couldn’t be too annoyed or else he would have called him Tyler.  

“Okay, okay, so maybe I misunderstood how much work this would be,” TK said, peering down at the tree and then looking off into the distance at the truck they had rented.  

“We still have to hoist it into the truck, bring it back into the cabin, and then decorate it too,” Carlos added, moving to stand next to TK.

“There was a holiday store back near town, right?” TK asked, looking sideways at his partner.  He really, really had wanted to make this work.  He always thought that cutting down a tree in the middle of gently falling snow looked super romantic, but in reality, it was a lot of hard work.  Plus, he was cold, and tired, and so was Carlos.  And TK was really hoping to put that nice rug in front of the fireplace back in their cabin to good use that night.  

“Yeah…” Carlos replied, looking curiously back at TK.

“Let’s go buy a small tree then, and a handful of decorations.  That way we can spend more time in the cabin -”

TK was cut off by Carlos’s lips against his, the warmth a welcome break from the cold, winter wind.  TK pushed back into the kiss, his tongue pressing up against Carlos’s, his hands sliding down to grip Carlos’s hips tightly. 

Lost in the mix of sensations, the snowflakes landing on his face, the heat of Carlos’s body, he was startled when Carlos pulled back, letting out an embarrassing whimper as he tried to chase his lips but was stopped by Carlos’s firm hand on his chest.    

“Maybe we can just go to the cabin,” Carlos suggested, his breathing sounding a bit strained.  

TK simply nodded, grabbing Carlos’s hand tightly as they dashed back towards the truck, with newfound energy.  

And if they didn’t make it back to the cabin until round 2…well, that was fine too.

[lotus-il]

Will You Still Remember Me?

Word Count ~ 1,176 A xingyue drabble. Another piece of Dan Feng getting lost in his memories while imprisoned in the Shackling Prison.

“Dan Feng.” 

The High Elder hummed and that response caused Yingxing to reach out and pinch his cheek. Of course, this did not bother Dan Feng in the slightest.

“Dan Feng.” Yingxing repeated.

Dan Feng chuckled, tilting his head as he continued brushing his thumb against Yingxing’s cheek. 

“Hm? What is it, Yingxing?”

The younger male huffed before puffing out his cheeks, evidently, a pout appeared on his lips and Dan Feng could not ignore the sight of it. He leaned in slowly before capturing Yingxing’s lips with his own, kissing that sweet pout away for a brief moment. 

Yingxing’s cheeks were brushed with a rosy-pink tint once their kiss was complete. He stared at Dan Feng and blinked a few times before averting his gaze, only puffing his cheeks when hearing Dan Feng’s low chuckle. 

“You’re staring again…” Yingxing announced, lightly shoving at the High Elder.

“Can you blame me? Have you seen yourself, Yingxing?” Dan Feng asked with a knowing smile.

He had no intentions of halting his actions anytime soon. Yingxing’s skin was soft, Dan Feng enjoyed the feeling of it against the pad of his thumb. Yingxing’s eyes were a soft blue-ish grey and always managed to put him at ease whenever he would stare at them. He could get lost in them, he would always tell Yingxing, and of course that resulted in the younger male hiding his face against Dan Feng’s shoulder, mumbling something about how he is embarrassing and to shut up. 

“You are far too beautiful, I simply cannot resist. You should know this.” 

“Dan Feng, shut–”

If any other individual were to speak to the High Elder like Yingxing does, they would be punished greatly, but of course this short-life species was an exception in regards to the situation now and other aspects. It always amused Dan Feng how he had easily fallen for a short-life species, a kind that was forbidden to have anything to do with the Vidyadhara, let alone, the current High Elder. 

Yet, there he was, caressing Yingxing’s cheek as he stared at the beauty before him. No one could blame, not that he would listen to them if they did. Perhaps it was the way that Yingxing said his name with devotion and love, or was it the determination of Yingxing stating he would do everything in his power to protect the High Elder, despite they both knew he was very well capable of taking care of himself. 

Or, perhaps, Yingxing had been someone he knew in his past incarnation. He felt familiar, but also new all at the same time. A new kind of love genetically altered. Regardless of what it could be, there is one thing that Dan Feng knew for sure. 

Yingxing is his true love. There is no one else that managed to make him feel the things he feels like the younger male does. There is no doubt in his mind that Yingxing is meant to be with him as he is meant to be with Yingxing, even if the cycle of the Vidyadhara would spell a bittersweet separation. He wonders if when his time comes to return to the egg and rebirth into a new life, could he find Yingxing again? Will the feelings that Yingxing made him feel return after his hatching rebirth is complete? Perhaps it is too selfish of Dan Feng to ask Yingxing to wait for him. 

Then, suddenly, the thought of the hatching rebirth and forgetting Yingxing did not sit well with him. A frown drew upon his lips and Yingxing caught it before Dan Feng could hide it. 

“Beloved…” Yingxing spoke softly, his hand gently caressing the High Elder’s cheek, a method he would use to bring Dan Feng back to reality when he can feel his lover slowly drifting away from it. “Are you thinking about the hatching rebirth cycle again?

Although Dan Feng did not utter a word, he nodded to answer Yingxing. He knew well enough that Yingxing knew him well and when he is quiet like this, it would be best to leave him be; however, the younger male is stubborn and while he respected the High Elder’s wishes, he was selfish and would remain by his side even in silence. 

“Have the things you’ve been researching been about the hatching rebirth cycle?”

“Essentially, but… it is a concept I am still unable to fully understand.” Yingxing nodded slowly with a small frown.

He wanted to understand it, and perhaps he had some gist of it, an understanding and yet, it still confused him. The only reason he started researching or becoming interested about is because he had stumbled upon a script that talked about the Vidyadhara and what had caught his attention was their reincarnation cycles, how they differ greatly from the short-life species and the long-life species. 

In some sense, they will not and do not experience death. Or, rather, death will never be the end of their cycle. Death was merely a pit stop before they returned to where they had started, back into the Vidyadhara egg awaiting the day they would return in their new forms, in a new life while others continue on with theirs for the next several centuries.

“I… do not blame you, even I do not truly understand the cycle, but rather, it is just something that comes naturally to the Vidyadhara.” He averted his gaze from his lover and looked out into the distance where birds flew past the garden, closing his eyes as a sudden breeze brushed against him. “We never question it, we just… let it be.” 

It was Yingxing turn to be quiet, his mind filled with many thoughts and wonders. In essence, he truly could not remember what he had been researching that time Dan Feng snuck him into the place. But, if there were one thing he does remember, it would be the Hatching Rebirth Cycle that made the Vidyadhara endless beings.

Eventually, Yingxing looked at Dan Feng with a sweet smile and practically launched himself onto his partner’s lap, his arms out-stretched to hug around the High Elder's body.

“I am so happy that you are back.” 

Dan Feng blinked before a hint of a smile soon graced his features, tugging ever-so-gently at both corners of his lips once Yingxing eased back as their foreheads pressed against one another. 

He closed his eyes briefly, the warmth that Yingxing provided wrapped around him like a security blanket. He felt safe knowing that Yingxing was safe, but of course, all precious memories must have an end. The warmth he felt for just those few moments back into the past was no longer there and the sound of the guard in the Shackling Prison brought him back to his harsh reality.

He did not acknowledge the guard, and only stirred his tea as he closed his eyes and tilted his head back, humming softly as he spoke to himself as if his lover was still there with him.

“Yingxing, will you still remember me?”

[luvyanfei]

WHEN YOU FALL ASLEEP ON HIS SHOULDER 

ft. xiao, albedo, diluc, kaeya, scaramouche, childe, zhongli & venti non-requested piece

XIAO doesn’t know how to react when he feels a heavy weight on top of his shoulder and finds your head leaned against him comfortably, your eyes closed. his fingers reach out to push you off of him, but he decides against it at the last minute. it would be rather indecent of him to disturb your sleep, and now that you’re unconscious, he’s able to study your face up close without needing to concern himself about getting caught. “how silly.” he murmurs to no one in particular. “to think that someone like you is capable of breaking down my walls. i thought i discarded human emotions long ago, but is it really alright for me to love you?” why is he confessing all this aloud, who knows. XIAO leans in close to your face till his lips are barely touching yours. he stays like that for quite some time before he reluctantly pulls back. mortified of himself, he turns around slightly to stare at the leaves soaring in the light breeze, but he fails to notice the slight blush on your face as you struggle to keep your eyes closed. perhaps once you ‘wake up’, you’ll surprise him with an innocuous kiss to finish what he’s started. 

ALBEDO glances up from the sketching he’s occupied his time in perfecting, and accidentally moves too quickly that he stirs you awake. you groan in exasperation, rubbing at your eyes before you gasp at what you’ve just done. sheepishly, you mumble out an apology for bothering him, but your wrist is ensnared in his firm grip and he gently guides your head back to rest on his shoulder. he strokes your flushed cheeks with his cool fingers and kisses you chastely on the forehead. “it’s okay. take a little break if you need to. i’ll be here when you wake up.” 

DILUC ends up sighing without a second thought and turns away from your sleeping form sheepishly as he blushes uncontrollably. his heart is pulsating loudly against his ribcage and he’s having trouble thinking coherently due to the very close proximity shared between you two. are you even comfortable sleeping on his shoulder? his posture is pretty rigid so it probably feels like lying on a boulder. ever so slowly, he lifts you up in his arms to tuck you into bed, but freezes once he hears a tired yawn. “sorry. am i disturbing you? you fell asleep, so i’m just taking you to your room.” you shake your head and give him a closed-mouth smile, encouraging him to move forward. he brings you down on the mattress and covers you with the warmth of the blanket. “good night, my love.” 

KAEYA can’t help but smirk to himself. really, you’re too trusting for falling asleep on his shoulder so casually like this. aren’t you even just a little bit suspicious of him? well, your innocence is what infatuated him to you in the first place. he gives you a light pat on the back and chuckles softly. “i hope you’re not like this with anyone else,” he mutters, watching an eye out in case any opponents are lurking around. despite being a cryo wielder, his hands feel rather warm as he cups your delicate fingers with his. it feels nice, not having anything to worry about if you’re trapped in pleasant dreams. as cruel as reality is, KAEYA is glad that you’re here to sweeten up his lonely days. 

SCARAMOUCHE scowls and pushes you off of him roughly. what is he, a pillow? startled, you have to balance yourself before you topple to the ground. glaring at the harbinger, you instead lean your head against the shoulder of the person that is closest to you and dozes off, in front of him no less. unknown to you, this immediately sets off his jealousy and the poor guy, who he immediately recognizes as tartaglia, gives him a confused look but smiles slyly nonetheless. with a click of his tongue, SCARAMOUCHE yanks you off of childe’s shoulder, awakening you once more, much to your chagrin, and pulls you to his side. “if you’re going to sleep on someone’s shoulder, i’d rather it be mine’s.” 

CHILDE has to verbally restrain himself from squealing at the top of his lungs at how cute you look. his heartbeat speeds up like a rushing river as he ushers for teucer to quietly fetch him a blanket. he then wraps the comforter around your body to keep you snug in the cold of snezhnaya. he’s well aware of how exhausting it may be to travel around teyvat in order to find out the hidden truth this world has to offer. you’ve been through so much, it’s the least that CHILDE can do to stay by your side as you rest up. he links his pinky with yours and a flicker of hope brings life to his cerulean eyes. “no matter what choice you make, i pinky promise i won’t leave you, not until we reach the end.” 

ZHONGLI doesn’t even notice that you’re dozing off, being too fixated on his nonstop rambling to feel the weight on his shoulder. it’s only after he’s done talking does he let out a tiny sigh and loops a hand around your arm. unconsciously, you nuzzle further into his chest and relaxes in his gentle touch. with the sun basking down on his face and the calming atmosphere that lingers in the air, ZHONGLI finds himself overcome with fatigue. he ends up closing his eyes shut and leans against you as both of you drift into a state of quiet tranquility, side by side. 

VENTI brushes away a strand of your hair with an index finger so he can view your peaceful visage in full. your chest rises and falls with every breath you take in and exhale, leaving him to hope it will never stop. he takes off his cape and hat for you to wear since the wind isn’t exactly friendly right now. okay, fine. he actually just wanted to know what it’s like for you to wear his clothing on, and he doesn’t regret doing it one bit. it’s tempting for him to snap a picture of you, but watching you is good enough, he supposes. VENTI will just have to store this memory to heart like all the others he has of you. 

[ficsforeren]

The Last Song - Chapter 13

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Eren Jaeger X Female Reader feat. Armin Arlert

Genre: Rockstar AU, Friends with Benefits, Angst, Smut, Fluff, Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn

Series Summary: Eren Jaeger has two personas, a charismatic lead vocal who has lost himself in fame, and a boy who struggles with depression, seeking for someone to bring him back to where he was twelve years ago. Where he only knew love in the form of your name.

Chapter Summary: Professing your love to one another is the easy part. The hardest one has yet to come. Are you ready to be in a relationship with him? Should you even be in a relationship with him? Are you ready to risk your friendship for it? You need to be able to answer these questions before you take a step further.

Content Warnings: explicit sex (cunnilingus, blow job, fingering, hand job, car sex, dry humping, drunk sex, public sex, unprotected sex, one night stand, choking, treating women like objects, dub-con, corruption, face-sitting, sex toys, daddy kink, praise kink, slight degradation, etc), substance abuse (use of drugs, alcohol, tobacco), severe abandonment issues, childhood trauma, anxiety attacks, depression, adultery, physical abuse towards men and women, family issues, abusive parents, crude words, dark humor, mention of sexual assault/rape, harassment, car accident and child abuse.

Poster art by the most talented @rainbuniart (follow her on Twitter)

Eren calls out your name.

His velvety voice feels like a hand clasping against your own, drawing you close to the surface until you fully emerge from what felt like the longest yet sweetest dream you’ve ever felt in years. You blink your eyes awake, slowly drifting back into reality, and the first thing you’re aware of is the softness of his lips as they draw designs on the bare skin between your shoulder blades.

“Sweetheart, wake up…” He showers you with delicate kisses that speak nothing but the affection and the adoration he holds for you. His fingers gently push your hair to the side so he can trail his lips from your nape down to the shape of your spine. You’re lying down with your stomach pressing against the sheets, your face sinking in the comfort of your pillow. “Baby…”

You slowly turn around to face him, eyes blinking unhurriedly as you’re spellbound by how handsome he is with his hair down, silky strands cascading beautifully to his shoulders. His viridian irises are a shade brighter underneath the morning sun, like every green hue of the forest in summertime. How is he real? You ponder, as he looks almost ethereal.

“Hey…” He casts a smile, so fragile, it looks like it’s made from glass on the verge of breaking.

“Hey…” You mirror him the same way, albeit still hazy from sleep.

His eyes begin to droop, one hand reaching out to frame your face, his thumb sketching comforting circles along your cheekbones. So beautiful, he wonders, his gaze softening as he tucks some loose strands behind your ear. “Did you get a good sleep?”

You hum, nodding weakly as you turn a bit sheepish from how tender he’s staring at you. “Why are you already dressed up? It’s still early.”

“I’ve got a signing event in a few hours so I gotta go.” He ends his sentence with a light touch of his lips against your temple. “Sorry for waking you up. I wanted to let you rest longer but I couldn’t just… I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye.”

His lines cause something delightful to swirl inside your stomach. You promptly rub your eyes away from sleep, sitting up on the bed. “Must you go?” You question him with a little pout, bottom lip jutting out cutely. “It’s Sunday. Can’t we just lie around in bed all day?”

“Don’t do that,” Eren pleads with a yearning sigh. “You know how much it kills me to resist you when you’re being cute like this.”

“Sorry,” you titter. “I’m kidding, I’ll be fine. Good luck with the event. I’m sure you’ll do great.”

“Thanks.” The boy, who’s taking a seat at the edge of the bed, frames your chin. “You’ve got a little bit of drool here,” he chuckles, rubbing the corner of your mouth with his thumb.

“Oh—umm—you shouldn’t look at me.” You attempt to swat his hand away from your face in shame but Eren catches it instead, leaning in to let his lips linger on your knuckles. He peppers soft kisses as if he had all the time in the world to spoil you. You peek through the curtain of your bangs, meeting his gaze when he pulls away, both touched and mortified at the sudden tenderness.

He’s being much sweeter than usual, but there’s something heartbreaking in the way he sees you. Even if his mouth is shaping a grin, there’s still a spark of sadness in his eyes and you wonder what causes it. Have you said something wrong? Something out of line? Did something happen last night—

I love you.

Your eyes widen at the memory of the lines you exchanged with him just a few hours ago. The words he said, the way he said them, those saccharine kisses you shared, and the way he kept your hand intertwined with his like he couldn’t bear the thought of letting it go—everything came back in a flash. ‘I’ve never loved anyone else as much as I love you,’ he told you, ‘I’ll never be able to love anyone else the way I love you.’

Your cheeks heat up instantly, your hands threatening to jump up and conceal your face behind them. Oh my God… Panic floods your chest at once, causing your heart to pound excruciatingly fast inside your chest. You recall the way you replied to him in the same way, baring everything you felt in your heart out in the open. This is it. There’s no going back. You’ve both finally taken a step further in your relationship and some consequences need to be taken.

What has our friendship turned into?

Eren scrutinizes you with his eyebrows raised in question but it doesn’t take long for him to notice the way you turn pale, your hands gripping so tightly against your duvet for comfort until every bit of your nails turn white. He knows that you must have remembered what happened last night. He can see how you’re trying to hide your anxiety, and although it kills him, he decides to play his role. He’s not perfect, but Eren is always a much better actor than you are.

“You don’t have to act on it,” he says, snapping you out of your stupor.

“H-huh?”

“Those words you replied to me last night. We can pretend that never happened.”

His eyes no longer peer into yours as he turns around to face the other side of the room. He laces his fingers together, resting his hands on his lap, his head hanging low.

Your grip around the fabric tightens, as well as the invisible knot inside your chest. “You…” Your throat feels like it’s made of broken glass, scraping against your skin every time you speak. “You want to pretend we didn’t just say I love you to each other?”

His jaw clenches, his shoulders sagging forward as he fiddles with his fingers. “I don’t,” he says, so quietly, it almost sounds like a distant echo. “But if that’s what you want, then—“

“I don’t.” Your response startles him, and Eren promptly spins his head toward you, eyes largening in surprise. “I’m sick of pretending, Eren. Last night, we were brave enough to tell each other how we truly felt. I’m not gonna go back when we’ve finally reached this point. I won’t let you.”

The throb inside his chest is intense enough to cloud his mind, and he turns speechless, unsure if he’s hearing this right.

“Did you mean it?” You query, causing him to stiffen. “Eren, when you told me you loved me, did you mean it? Or was it just a spur at the moment?” He can hear the quiver in your voice, can tell the way you’re still panicking inside and how you’re trying your best to prioritize his feelings over yours. “Be honest with me,” you add in a whisper. “Please…”

His eyes turn hooded, his fingers clasping against one another a little too tightly. The only time he’s ever this restless was on the morning after you two shared your first kiss in the car—one that you did because of the alcohol that took over your system. Even when he had heard you responding to his feelings the same way last night, Eren is still doubtful of how you truly feel. For him—for someone who has been lied to countless times by the person he loved the most— the words I love you that came out of your mouth sounds too good to be true. Like a dream. A mere fantasy.

Nevertheless, he speaks the truth. “I meant it.”

You hold your breath, your heart hammering against your ribcages. “You’re in love with me?”

“Yes.”

Last night, you were too shrouded by emotions to think but now… Now you can ruminate more with your head instead of your heart, and even though joy still runs thickly through your every vein just as much as last night when you first heard the words, uncertainty also follows right behind it. What comes after this? you wonder as you feel like the floor begins to crumble underneath your feet. Now that we know each other’s feelings, what’s next?

No, before that, there’s something you need to know. “Eren.”

“Hmm?”

“How long have you been in love with me?”

Twelve years. “Does it matter?” He utters instead, smiling timidly.

“It does,” you stoutly say, though there’s a hint of a quiver in your voice. You’re in frenzy, afraid of finding out the truth. If he’s only been in love with you recently, you can probably breathe easy. But if he’s been in love with you for years—before this friends-with-benefits relationship even started—then…

I will never be able to forgive myself.

How could you ask someone, who’s so deeply in love with you, to engage in a relationship that only revolves around physical touches and nothing more? Just how much have you hurt him in these last few months by saying that you didn’t want to fall in love with him when he already fell too deep for you? All those rules you made to keep your relationship strictly physical; just how many times have you torn his heart open with them?

You’re so overwhelmed by panic and fear, that your eyes are already glazed with unshed tears. You nip at your lower lip, forcing yourself to stay calm. Please…. You beg. Please tell me you’ve only fallen for me recently. I can’t stand the thought of hurting you any further than this.

Eren doesn’t have to be a psychic to be able to read your mind. To him, you’ve always been so transparent. So when you vocalize his name again with your voice breaking on the edge, he draws you into his arms, cradling your head against his chest as he lays his chin on top of your hair.

“I can’t remember exactly when I started to have feelings for you,” he answers, his voice soothing as he lies through every word. “But it’s all I’ve been thinking about these last few days and—” There’s a crack in his voice that he tries to solve by clearing his throat. “I didn’t mean to blurt it out to you like that but I guess I was just too caught up in the moment.”

You want to pull away so you can read his face but he lays a hand on the back of your skull, keeping you still in his embrace. There’s a fat chance he won’t admit it, but you keep asking the question. “You’re not lying to me… Are you..?”

His heart skips a beat. “When did I ever?”

And it breaks him because all he’s been doing is lie by hiding his feelings from you, or the fact that he’s been in love with you for years. He’s too big of a coward to confront you about it, afraid that you might agree to be in a relationship with him just because you want to respect his feelings. Just because you don’t want to lose him. He doesn't want that. He wants to hear you say you love him because you are in love with him. He doesn’t need your pity. He needs your honesty.

“But we don’t have to do anything about it,” he repeats, his lips are grazing against your strands as he quietly speaks. “I just told you how I felt about you, that’s all. Nothing’s changed. It’s…” He breathes out heavily. “Maybe you didn’t mean it in the same way as I did but when you told me you loved me too… It already made me feel so happy and that’s enough.” He embraces you tighter, his fingers slipping between your locks. “You don’t have to do anything else. That’s more than enough for me.”

Then, Eren… Why do you sound like you’re about to cry?

“I meant it,” you say and he goes rigid in your arms. This time, he allows you to break away, wanting to see the look in your eyes as you elaborate further. “When I told you I loved you, I meant my words. I love you, Eren,” you confirm it once more, cupping his cheek with one hand. “I really do. So much that it scares me.”

Blush blooms on his cheeks, brighter than it has ever been. He rubs his nape—a habit that occurs whenever he’s abashed—as he tries to figure out words to say, but what else is there to speak of? You’ve already said everything that needed to be said, even the ones that he couldn’t yet convey.

“I feel the same way too,” he covers your knuckles with his palms, keeping your hand pressed against his face. His breathing rags. “I love you so much, it scares me.” You share smiles and soft chuckles for a moment before Eren turns jittery once more. “Do you… love me as a friend?”

“As a friend, a brother, a lover—I love you as everything at once. I care about you more than anyone else. I want you more than anyone else. When I said you were the only one for me, I didn’t mean just now. You’ve always been the only one, and you’ll always be.” You retract your hand from his face, taking his between yours and holding it tightly. You don’t know what’s gotten into you—all this bravery to speak everything you’ve been keeping to yourself. Maybe it’s because he seems like he’s still afraid of putting his faith in your words that you’re trying your best to convince him of the truth. “I’m in love with you just as much as you love me, Eren—probably even more. So please don’t look like I’m breaking your heart to pieces because the feelings are mutual.”

“I don’t—” His flush spreads down to his neck, painting both tips of his ears crimson. “You’re saying so many things right now, I’m—I don’t know how to respond—”

It’s adorable the way he loses his composure, completely baffled by how blunt you’re being but no amusement creeps to your face. You’re too heavily focused on getting him to understand your point. “You don’t have to respond,” you tell him. “Just say that you believe me.”

Eren’s eyes move back and forth as they search yours. “I… believe you.”

“Good, because I truly meant what I said.”

“Every… word?”

“Every word.” With a smile, you circle your arms around his neck, pulling him close until what separates your body from his is the thin layer of his shirt and nothing more.

He melts in your arms, letting out a breathy sigh out of content. “I’m so glad…” Eren whispers as he embraces you tighter, his lips brushing against your bare shoulder. “I’m so glad you feel the same way…”

You can sense just how much relief washed over him through his words and you realize that oh, so this is how it feels like to be in love. You feel more than just joy. You feel grateful. You feel lucky. You feel… truly alive. You didn’t realize that there was a part of you missing, that there were words itching to be said, and now that you’ve crossed the line, now that you’ve spoken everything you wanted to say, everything feels complete. You feel complete, and so does he.

Is it okay for me to be this happy? You can’t help but wonder. To be this loved by someone as perfect and beautiful as him? It just feels so surreal, like a dream that you’re afraid will end the moment you wake up. And the reality is that, even when you both love each other, there are still risks lying on your path.

“Eren,” you pull away slightly. “Do you… remember what I told you that night?” One look at your face and he knows what you’re referring to but he gives you a moment to speak. “Admitting that I’m in love with you doesn’t mean I’m no longer scared of having a relationship with you. I’m still afraid. With anyone else, I won’t think too much about it because if things don’t work out, I can move on with my life and say goodbye to them forever. But I can’t do that with you—I won’t do that with you. I’m not gonna take that risk. If there’s even the slightest chance of me losing you, I’d rather—”

Eren bends his head down to meet your lips, his hand grabbing a handful of your hair to hold you in place. The kiss only lasts for three seconds before he breaks away, scrunching his nose when he says, “Okay, first, we’ve got to do something about your morning breath.”

“Wha—” Your face glows instantly and you launch a light punch toward his chest.

Eren laughs as he catches it with one hand. “Second,” he continues, washing your pout away by landing a cute peck on your nose. “You need to calm down. I didn’t ask you to date me, did I?”

“Yeah, but…” You shift away. “You told me you loved me.”

“So?”

“So…” You were jumping to conclusions, you just realize that. You got way ahead of yourself. Flustered, you weakly mumble, “I just thought you also wanted us to become official. Like, putting a label on it.”

“I do want to put a label on it and I’m sure you do too, eventually.” He lands a hand on the top of your head as a way to comfort you. “But we don’t have to rush. I think we both need time to process this.”

You feebly nod, looking up at him through your fringe. “But are you… all right with that?”

“Of course I’m all right with that.” He ruffles your hair, grinning. “Actually, it puts me at ease. This way, I can finally stop telling myself ‘no, I’m not forcing her to do anything she doesn’t want to.’ You’ll come to me when you’re ready, and whether you want to be with me or not, it will be your own decision to make.” He bends his head down, meeting you eyes-to-eyes. “And when you agree to be in a relationship with me, which I’m sure you will,” his lips curve up into a smirk, slowly regaining his confidence little by little. “I’m gonna love you so hard, you’re going to regret not agreeing to it sooner.”

You gulp, cheeks blazing hot as you look away. “W-well, until then, we, uh… We’re okay, I guess?”

Eren chuckles, gathering you in his arms again. It’s more playful the way he hugs you this time, like how a sibling would hug another, squeezing your body until you’re having trouble breathing. “We’re more than okay,” he snickers. “We’re in love.”

“Oh my God, stop it.” But you squeeze him back, loving his warmth, loving his deep laughter that rumbles through the air, loving him.

When a moment has passed and the sound of the ticking clock on your wall reaches his ears, Eren says, “As much as I love staying with you like this, I really do have to go.”

“Oh, shit, yeah.” You yank yourself away. “Can you give me five minutes to wash my face? I want to walk you out.”

“Sure.”

You hurriedly step down from your bed, only to notice that you’re still in nothing but your birthday suit. “Can you, uh, turn around?” You ask him as you gather your blanket to cover your front.

“No.” He smirks. When he sees you glaring at him, he adds, “Look, I’m gonna be gone for a while and I won’t be able to see you naked until then. I’m trying to make every second worthwhile while it lasts.”

“You’re so annoying.” But you sigh in defeat and climb down from the bed, making your way to the bathroom without sparing him a single glance, knowing that you’ll explode from shame if you do.

Eren observes your nude body from behind. “Slap your ass for me, baby.”

“Gross!”

***

“So, I haven’t told you this but CBN’s Music Awards is happening in a week,” Eren reveals as you walk him out to the front door. “It’s a three days show. I think you can watch it live on TV. We got nominated for two different categories.”

“What—CBN?!” You gape, jaw dropping in shock. “That’s amazing! Congratulations!” You stand on your tiptoes to plant a quick kiss on his cheek. “I’m sorry, I haven’t been keeping up with stuff other than my job, but oh my God, I’m so proud of you! You’ve gone so far, Eren.”

In his eyes, you’re like a little puppy that wags her tail excitedly at the thought of seeing her owner being clouded with joy. “Thanks,” he says, stepping out of the doorframe and turning around to face you. “The thing is, I need to prepare a lot of things for the show. We’re one of their opening acts so we’ll be performing on day one. There’s gonna be a special performance where we’ll be covering another artist’s song.”

“Oh? Have you made your choice?”

“Well, it’s not final yet, but I’m planning to go with one of Harry Styles’ songs.”

“Harry Styles?” You frown. “Really? Never pegged you as a 1D fan.”

“Hey, he’s actually a pretty brilliant songwriter. Plus, we’re doing it as, like, a tribute for last year’s winners so we don’t have many options to choose.”

“Whatever you say, bestie.” Your cheeky grin is shortly replaced by a whine when he pinches your nose. “I don’t think his songs would suit your style, though?”

“I’ll make it work.” There’s confidence in his voice, lips curving into a cocky smirk. “Anyway, just letting you know beforehand that I’ll be busy for a while. There will be a lot of photoshoots, interviews—” He interrupts himself with a groan, “—and everything else that’s equally boring.”

“Keep your spirits up. It’s gonna give Empire more exposure.”

“I don’t care. All I wanted was just to make music.”

You chuckle at his grumble. “You can do that and do your interviews.” You playfully pat his cheek, making fun of his pout. “Cheer up, Rennie.”

The nickname only makes him act even more childish than before. “But we won’t be able to spend much time together,” he mumbles, his bottom lip protruding.

“It’s okay.” You assure him with a smile even when you can already imagine how lonely it would feel being alone in your apartment. “I understand that it’s your job and that you need to focus on it. I’ll still be here. I’ll wait for you every day.”

His hand finds your face, thumb brushing against your lower lip as he promises, “I’ll make sure to come home to you no matter how late it is. Even if it’s five in the morning and I have to get back to the studio at eight for another practice, I will come home to you.”

Your skin tingles, heart palpitating. “If you’re too tired, you can just crash someplace near the studio—”

He cuts you off with a kiss. “I want to.” He lets his face hover near, shyly staring at you in the eyes. “Is that… okay?”

You lean into his hand, cupping his knuckles with your palm. “Of course. I’ll be waiting for you at home like always.”

Eren lets out the softest of giggles but you can feel the elation that washes over him. “Is it also okay for me to say, honey, I’m home when I—”

“Oh, shut up.” You step forward and claim his lips in another kiss. You are laughing against each other’s mouth before Eren seizes your jaw and angles his head to the side. He presses your lips together like how people share kisses at airports, full of love and desperate longing. It reminds you of the day when you exchanged goodbye kisses before his trip, only now, it’s ten times harder to let him go. These kisses are no longer driven by lust, only affection. And the moment you hear him whisper, “I love you,” between his soft, languid kisses, and the passion that melts his lips together with yours, you know that waiting for him to come home would be torture. Being separated from him for even an hour would already feel that way.

Your heart beats so thunderously, you’re afraid you’re going to faint. His three words send goosebumps breaking all over your skin, and when you sigh into the kiss, Eren imprisons your face with both hands, kissing you deeper.

“I’m gonna be back soon, okay?” he says as he presses your foreheads together and you nod. He kisses you again once before he parts ways. You bid him goodbye with a smile and your lips tingled from his warmer ones; your hand having the hardest time disentangling itself away from his. Eren has only taken a few steps away before he turns on his heels and runs back to you. He scoops you into his arms for one more kiss, filled with muffled giggles and juvenile grins before he lets you land back on your feet. “Go,” you say, playfully shooing him away.

“Oh, before that,” he says. “Harry Styles’ Adore You. Play it, listen to the lyrics, and think about me.” He winks, a bit naughtily. “Like how I’ll be thinking of you when I perform it on the stage.” Ignoring your blazing cheeks, Eren ruffles your hair, pecks your head once, and walks away with spring on his steps. Not a few seconds later, he disappears from your sight but not from your mind.

Come home to me soon, Eren.

***

As he waits for the elevator to arrive on your floor, Eren retrieves the ring he placed on your finger last night. Holding it between his thumb and index finger, he stares at it fondly, his imagination running wild. The three words you said to him—the words he’d been dying to hear—reverberate once more through his ears and he can no longer keep his smile from breaking widely on his lips. One day, he promises with nothing but joy erupting in his chest, I’ll ask her to marry me one day.

If he could do it today, he would’ve done it but his mind doesn’t allow him to just yet. He’s getting ahead of himself, he knows. But even if it seems too far-fetched, confidence is building within him. It no longer feels like a dream that would never see the light of day. It feels like something he can turn into reality. Something that you can turn into reality.

“Ah, fuck,” Eren throws his head back, his smile never leaving his face. “I wanna marry her already!”

I want to make her mine.

Forever.

***

Eren has been coming home very late or returning to the studio very early in the morning in the last five days, there’s no in-between. Even so, he stayed true to his words. No matter how little time he had, or how exhausted he was, he would always come home to you. Though he was too drained to hold up a conversation, he would never forget to surround your body with his warmth as he laid next to you in bed, limbs tangled underneath the sheets until you could no longer differentiate which ones belonged to you. He’d have his lips brushing against your nape, his chest completing the dip of your spine as he murmured a soft, “I love you,” a moment before he waned to his dreamland. For him, it was enough. Even just a glimpse of your face was enough to keep him energized through the day.

Eren isn’t a morning person. In the past, whenever he had no schedule for the day, he would wake up around two in the afternoon, or maybe ten if he was in a mood for brunch. He rarely had breakfast on his own, but knowing how you always had to go to work at eight in the morning, he would make sure to wake up around the time you were having your breakfast. He would take a seat on your opposite at the dining table, pouring cereal into his bowl with his eyes barely opened. He’d spend the next ten minutes, at the very least, just staring vacantly at his bowl.

“You really don’t have to wake up early to have breakfast with me, you know,” you would always tell him, eyebrows adjoined together in concern of having him fall face-first on the table.

Eren would then take a spoonful of his cereal, jam it into his mouth and reply with his mouth full and his eyes bleary from sleep. “It’s okay. I want to.” It was very sweet and endearing of him so you let him be, mumbling out your gratitude which would paint a drowsy smile on his lips. One time, he even tried to make you a cup of coffee, pouring a huge amount of salt into your drink as he mistook it as your creamer. You never allowed him to step close to the kitchen counter ever again.

In these last five days, however, the roles are reversed. Eren wakes up at six in the morning since he has to be back at the studio for an early meeting at seven. You try your best to do the same, making sure that he gets to have his breakfast and morning coffee before he starts the day.

“You’re really acting like a wife,” he coos, sitting on the counter with his legs dangling a few inches in the air. He’s been watching you cook in the last fifteen minutes while he sips his coffee, loving the way you wear your apron around your waist with your hair messily tied up in a bun. “Look like one too.”

“Be quiet, you’re distracting me.”

“Distracting you?” He settles his cup aside, jumping back to his feet. “Believe me, darling,” he moves closer, gliding one hand down from your waist to your thigh. “I haven’t even tried.”

You playfully slap his hand away. “Keep doing that and I’ll let your eggs burnt.”

Giggling like a child, he embraces you from behind, landing his chin on your shoulder. “Smells good, Wifey.”

“You are so embarrassing,” you mutter in response and yet, there you are, trying extremely hard not to ruin your poached eggs as you turn bashful.

You sit at his opposite at the dining table like always, exchanging conversations with smiles staying permanently on your faces. Eren sometimes has his leg stretched out, playfully nudging you with his foot to get your attention. When you raise a questioning brow, asking him with your mouth full, “What?” He simply replies, “Nothing. You just look cute today.”

“Finish your breakfast. You’re running late.”

“Hey, how about you cook for me again tomorrow, wearing only your apron?”

“Eat, Jaeger. Or I swear to God, I’ll shove it down your throat.”

“Boo, meanie.” He’s acting younger than his age with his pout and his mischievous grin, and you didn’t think it would suit him, but it does.

***

You’re about to hit the bed in your sleepwear when you heard your front door being dragged open. Eren walks in with his bag slinging on one shoulder, uttering, “Honey, I’m home,” as he steps further inside your apartment. You roll your eyes but your heart thumps faster.

“Stop saying that.” You welcome him with a kiss as always, with Eren tapping his lips once more with a boyish grin, asking you for another.

“Can’t. It’s already a habit,” he snickers, dodging your little punches.

“I didn’t know you were going to come home early today.”

“Yeah. Levi’s giving us some time to rest before the event tomorrow,” he says as he lets his leather jacket slides off his shoulders, leaving him only in his fitted black shirt and jeans. You make him a cup of coffee as you both stand in the kitchen, making small conversations about his day. Eren always enjoys telling you what he did in the studio as he can see the curiosity in your eyes. He can tell how you’re genuinely interested in what he’s doing for a living and it makes him adore you even more.

A moment later, Eren strolls away to the living room with his mug in one hand. He takes a seat on the couch, tilting his head cutely to the side as he pats his thigh. “Come here, babe,” he says.

Your couch is big enough to fit four people sitting in a row but whenever you took a seat beside him, he would always pull you to his lap. Today, however, he just straight out asks you to do it. Knowing how persistent and stubborn he can be, you sigh in defeat and take a few steps forward with a cup of hot chocolate between your hands. You try to take the empty spot beside him but he quickly wraps both arms around your waist, pulling you down until you’re perched on his thighs.

“What about you?” he asks, nuzzling his nose against your strands once before he lays his chin on top of your head. “What have you been doing when I wasn’t around?”

By this point, you can manage to stay unfazed even when you’re being this close to him. You take a sip of your drink, licking the chocolate off your lower lip as you lie your head on his shoulder. “Nothing much. Went to work, did my articles. Did some laundry too when I got home.”

“Hmm, very productive.” He chuckles softly, taking your glass with one hand when you offer it to him for a taste. He raises it to his lips, blowing air to reduce the heat. “Did you think about me?”

“I did when I masturbated earlier.”

He chokes on his drink, holding his mug mid-air as he coughs a few times. “Wha—you—” His eyes turn watery, cheeks glowing red. “You jerked off?! Without me?!”

“No,” you snicker, taking the glass away from him and setting it down on the table, next to his own mug. “But I’d lie about it again to pull that reaction out of you.”

“You are so annoying.” Eren punishes you with a kiss, his fingers slipping between your strands, tugging firmly at the locks. The kiss doesn’t turn too deep or too long, and he playfully bites your shoulder before he returns to his earlier position. “Now that I think about it, we haven’t had sex in like forever.”

“It’s literally only been five days, Jaeger.”

“That feels more than a year to me.” When you turn around to give him a look, he just shrugs. “What, I’m a man, okay? Men have needs.”

“Yeah. That’s why you sleep with your fans all the time during tours.”

It was a joke. It was supposed to be a joke. You didn’t mean to sound so jealous, but that’s exactly how you seemed in his ear the second your words leave your mouth. Even when you try to cover it up with a laugh, and say, “Sorry, that wasn’t funny,” Eren still notices the discomfort in your chest. He always does.

Tightening his arms around you, he grabs a hold of your chin, turning your face slightly to meet his. “Hey,” he calls out gently. "You know I don't do that anymore, right? Nor am I going to do that again. I only have you now.”

You look away, stomach somersaulting at his words which sound more like a promise than anything else. “It’s okay, you really don’t have to say anything to assure me. I was just kidding, really.”

“Even if you were, I still want you to know.” Eren pushes your hair to the side so he can marvel at the bare skin of your shoulder. He settles a kiss on the spot that makes you shiver, the spaghetti strap of your camisole slipping off to your upper arm. “I love you,” he whispers, mouthing each syllable directly to your skin. “There’s no one else but you for me.” And it’s always been that way, Eren wishes he could say more, but the way you’re growing stiff in his arms makes him stop. He tilts his head, attempting to catch a glimpse of your expression. You have your lips pressed tightly together, cheeks heating up at his confession. “Baby,” Eren smiles, soothing fingers resting against your jawline. He spins you around to face him once more. With only a single look, he can already tell how you’re feeling. “You’re turning shy. What is it?”

“Nothing,” you mutter, growing more abashed. “I’m just not used to it.”

“Used to what?”

“You…” You exhale, your heartbeat thundering in your ears. “Saying those words to me.”

“What, you mean 'I love you’?”

You answer him with the tiniest nod, face aflame.

Ah, how can she be this cute, Eren wonders, sighing as if all the strength is leaving his body. You leave him powerless, sometimes even breathless with that pout and that beautiful scarlet flush painting your face. Eren carefully whirls you around on his lap and you follow his lead, straddling his thighs until your chest is a few inches away from his. He gazes softly, dragging his eyes slowly from one corner of your face to another. He tucks a few strands of your hair behind your ear. You don’t know how much I adore you, do you? He speaks with his eyes, lips slightly parted as he’s captivated with your beauty. Every touch of his delicate fingers feels like tiny sparks of fireworks on your body, thrilling. “Well, then…” He smiles, cupping your face. “Let’s change that, shall we?”

You’re not sure what he’s referring to until he takes you in his arms and carries you to the bedroom. He lays you down so carefully on the bed as if you’re bound to break. When he peels your clothes off one by one, he always makes sure that you’re enveloped by his warmth, either it’s from his lips, his hands, or his breath as he speaks praises to your skin. He locks gazes every time he gets the chance, his smile never falters, only growing tender with each second passing by.

“Can I make love to you?”

That’s a line you would never think he’d say. Eren, who treated women as sexual objects in the past; Eren, who you had friends-with-benefits relationship with; Eren who always used the word ‘fuck’ when referring to having sexual intercourse with you before, is asking you with his fingers fluttering against your cheekbone, his eyes tender and amatory, his nose nearly grazing against yours.

He waits, not wanting to take a step further until you offer him your consent. He doesn’t need to ask, he never needs to, and yet there he is, giving you all the power to pull him close or let him go.

You’ll never let him go.

With thunderous heart and butterflies coming alive in your stomach, you whisper, “Yes, please.”

The next time he kisses you, it’s laced with the need he’s been holding back. His breathing soon turns ragged but there’s no lust in his eyes. Eren is patient. For the first time in what feels like forever, he finally has the moment to truly surrender himself to you, as you do to him, body, mind, and soul. And he will make every second worth it, make it last for eternity.

Eren doesn’t speak much. He doesn’t tease you with mischief and seduction in his words, even when you’re pleading for him to touch you deeper, to move faster. His mouth doesn’t form the devilish smirk he showcased often during your intimate moment together. Eren touches you not solely because he craves physical connection. He touches you because he wants to love you.

Following your demand, he sits upright on the bed with his legs crossed and you straddle his lap, legs tangled around his waist. He lets you lead, gives you the time to breathe and find the angle you need to discover your sweet spot. He tries to make the experience better by making his mouth busy on your chest, his hands touching places you want to be touched. But you don’t seek for a release. This is what you want. As long as he’s close enough to touch, to taste the sweetness of his lips, to become one with him—you don’t wish for anything else.

But Eren is Eren and he knows which way to make you slowly go insane with ecstasy. When your orgasm washes over you, a breathy moan escapes your lips and caresses the skin below his earlobe. Your arms are winding tightly around his neck, holding onto him as he waits for you to climb down from your high. He kisses your shoulder, lets his lips linger over the supple skin, tasting your scent. You pull away to kiss him with your thoughts still hazy with bliss, and Eren holds you with one hand on your back, and his other one trapped between the strands of your hair.

“You’re trembling,” he whispers as you press your temples together, eyes closed.

You can only offer him a timid nod. It was intense, the way the knots inside your stomach tightened and untangled at once when he murmured, “You’re the only girl I’ve ever loved,” against your ear. The yearning, the love, and the admiration he held for you, you could feel it all.

Eren still has his sentimental smile plastered on his face as he caresses your cheek. “Did it feel good?” He quietly asks, his face flushed, his forehead glistening with a thin layer of sweat.

You’re still catching your breath. “Yes.”

His gaze softens, drawing a chaste kiss on your lips when he murmurs, “I’m glad…”

“Your turn,” you say, almost begging. He wants to give you some time to rest but you lay your spine against the sheets, pulling him down to you. “Please… I need to feel you…”

He does as he’s told, moaning in gratitude against your mouth when he feels your walls clenching around him. He keeps checking your face for a sign of discomfort, but even if you’re completely submerged in rapture, Eren would still ask whether you’re okay. And you’ll answer each question with a smile, one that is so sweet and graceful, it makes his heart clench at the sight. This is the happiest I’ve ever been, you want to convey, You make me feel so complete, make my heart feel so full, it feels like I’m suffocating. I want to feel this way—want you to make me feel this way for the rest of my life. And I hope I can make you feel the same way. But it takes courage to say these words and you’re not sure your poor heart can contain it. So instead, you just draw his face closer to yours and you kiss him once, lightly yet intoxicating. “Eren, I…” you whisper. “I’m so in love with you.”

And he blushes, instantly and madly, like it’s the first time he has ever had someone confessing their love to him. No. He didn’t even feel nor react this way when he received his first confession. So maybe it wasn’t the words that have this much power over him. It’s the person.

Maybe you’re both need to get used to this—to love and be loved. You’ve devoted yourselves to one another longer than you realize, but these words still feel foreign on your tongue no matter how many times you’ve repeated them in your head. Eren feels the same way too, but he’s braver than you. Even when his heart feels like it’s seconds away from exploding, Eren kisses your lips as he picks up his pace, vocalizing “I love you,” in the most beautiful way possible with his hand clutching tighter against yours, fingers lacing perfectly like a set of a puzzle. “I love you.” It almost feels like his words match his every thrust. “I love you.” And he’ll repeat it a thousand times more if that’s what it takes for you to know just how much.

When he’s nearing the edge, Eren buries his face in the crook of your neck, alternating between painting soft kisses on your sensitive spot and speaking the words that are tainted by fear. “Don’t leave me…” he whispers. “Please… Stay with me…”

You detach one hand away from his, moving straight to the back of his head, slipping your fingers between the silkiness of his strands. This is the second time he begs for you to stay, and you wonder if you’ve been giving him the wrong signs but you know it’s not true. How could you when all you want is to spend the rest of your life with him? To love him in the way you’re doing and more. So it strikes you harder, heart dropping to your stomach when you notice that even after all this time, even when he’s forgiven himself and learned to love another, the fear of being betrayed and abandoned is still running thickly through his veins.

God, I want to let him know. You feel like crying, your heart feeling so full, you’re scared that it’s going to break. Or maybe it has. Every time you hear his plea, it breaks harder and harder for him, hoping that the pieces that were torn away from yours, could fill the empty spaces in his.

I want to let him know that he’s no longer alone. That he’ll never be alone.

“Forever and always,” you breathe out and Eren’s movements come to a halt. He pulls away just enough to meet your glassy eyes. You stroke his cheek, a delicate smile forming on your lips. “I’ll stay with you. Forever and always.”

Eren can feel it. Can feel the promise behind those words. Melting under your touch, he mirrors your smile. “Forever and always.”

And when he recalls the promise you made him that night, he believes it—truly believes it this time. How you would stay in his life as long as he wanted you to. Eren will want you for eternity, and eternity you will stay. And he’ll engrave these three words to your skin, your mind, your heart, and your soul for just as long.

Forever and always.

***

Shooting pain burns across his skin, like a feeling of a knife splitting his face into pieces the second Levi’s fist meets his jaw. It’s enough to shake his vision, to make the world spin below his feet, but it’s nothing compared to the one he feels throbbing inside his chest. But it’s not the pain he bears inside, it’s rage. This blazing flame, triggered by his bottled-up anger from the incident that happened several hours ago.

Jean and Reiner, still sharply dressed in their three-piece suits, avert their gazes. They can’t handle the sight. They don’t intervene because Eren deserves every consequence of his action, but Levi never holds back his punches. Once the raven-haired man took off his rings to avoid tearing the skin of his artists, he would go all out. Jean had been on the other side of his punches many times before, and he knew Levi wouldn’t stop until his opponent began to spit out blood or collapse on their knees. “This is just my opinion, but when it comes to teaching somebody discipline, I believe pain is the most effective way,” his manager once said as he drilled the heel of his shoes against Jean’s spine, driving his chest harder to the floor. The same thing is happening to Eren right now but Jean puts a blind eye. It’s easier that way.

Reiner sucks in his teeth, nervous and worried. “Shouldn’t we stop him?” he asks, walking back and forth. “He’s killing him over there.”

“He got that coming.” Jean leans his back against the wall of the expensive suite they’re staying in for the night. He tucks his hands inside the pockets of his black trousers, his breath still smells like the expensive wine he tasted. “See, this is why I never agree with being in a relationship. That suicidal blockhead wouldn’t get socked in the face if he just kept fucking whores like I do.”

“Being in love isn’t a sin, Jean.”

“Fuck you, Reiner. You saw what happened today. He’s gonna put Empire’s whole career on the line if he keeps doing that and for what? ‘Cause he wants to keep fucking one girl for the rest of his life?!” He snorts loudly, utterly vexed. “I’m not gonna let him ruin this. I’ve worked so fucking hard to get to where we are now. He’s a fucking idiot and he deserves every punch coming his way.”

Reiner sighs and keeps himself mute. Jean’s words might sound spiteful, but it’s true. What Eren did earlier today was out of line. If Levi fails to negotiate with the press, his name would make headlines by tomorrow morning, and both he and Jean are going to have to answer millions of questions regarding this every time they got invited for an interview.

Eren takes punches after punches, kicks after kicks, but he doesn’t budge nor even flinch. It wasn’t the first time Levi disciplined him with his knuckles and knowing how stubborn Eren is, it’s most definitely not going to be his last time either.

“Avoid hitting him on the face, Levi,” Reiner reminds him with one hand stretched out, but he’s standing nowhere near to stop him. “We don’t want bruises on it.”

“Fuck if I care,” Levi says, ramming his fist against his stomach and Eren falls to one knee, coughing and gasping for air. “I don’t give a rat’s ass if he looks like a giant piece of shit tomorrow. This fucker’s not gonna join us for the rest of the event anyway.”

“What do you mean he’s not—” Jean takes a breath, nose flaring. “Levi, he’s the frontman of Empire. We’ve finished our performance, true, but tomorrow is the main show! We’re nominated for the first time—how are we supposed to—”

“I don’t care,” Levi says through gritted teeth as he watches the man before him wipe the blood away from his mouth with the back of his hand. “I’m not gonna let this motherfucker stand in public before I got everything sorted out. He needs to cool off his head.” He squats down in front of him, grabbing a handful of Eren’s messy tied-up hair before he lifts his face. The boy’s electric green eyes are showing no signs of fear. If anything, the fury in them only burns so much brighter.

“How are you feeling, fuck face?” Levi asks, looking down on him. His expression is cold, unreadable as always.

“Never been better,” Eren answers with blood staining his lips. He doesn’t seem the least apologetic for what he did. Levi slaps him once with the back of his hand, splattering a few droplets of blood to the carpeted floor.

“Oh, but then again, maybe I should avoid the face.” Levi yanks him by his locks, hard enough for Eren to have his head thrown back, his eyes narrowing as they try to adjust to the light that shines above him. “That’s the only thing you can sell, isn’t that right, Jaeger? Nobody gives a shit about your music. All they want to do is to fuck this pretty mouth of yours.” The words cut deep as Levi never spoke like that to him before. Out of everyone else in the industry, Levi is the only one who believes that Eren truly does have talent behind his pretty face. But fury consumes him and Levi chooses the words that hurt him the most.

Eren’s jaw clenches but he bites back his words.

“Tch.” Levi clicks his tongue, releasing the boy from his grip. Eren has his head hung low, half of his face concealed by the hair that falls out of his bun. “You’re gonna take two weeks off,” his manager announces, deep and low with his silver irises glinting underneath the light. “And you’re gonna use that fucking shithole brain of yours to reflect on what you did. I’m also going to take your next month’s paycheck to compensate for your shitty act. In two weeks, you’re gonna come back as good as new, and you’re gonna promise me that you’ll never pull this kind of stunt again. You understand me?”

Like a wolf being backed into the corner, Eren nearly bares his teeth. Another slap and the boy coughs, breathing heavily through his mouth as his nose is clogged by his blood. “I asked you a question.”

“I understand,” the artist says through gritted teeth.

“Good.” Standing back on his feet, Levi retrieves his rings from the pocket of his suit. “Marco will drive you home,” he says, placing back the two silver rings on his fingers. “Lay low. If you attract unnecessary attention again in the next two weeks, I’m gonna kill you myself. Now get that fucking face out of my sight.”

Eren stands up and fixes his suit, not performing a bow or even taking a glance at the rest of the people in the room before he walks away with a security guard on his side. His nails are sinking into his palms, almost hard enough to tear his skin apart. He may seem docile, obeying Levi’s words and taking the consequences of his action without even muttering a single word back. But he’s not going to learn his lesson. If the same incident happens, Eren would lash out again in public. He doesn’t care about his image. He cares about you.

This happens because of you.

Just five hours before, everything was normal. CBN, a prestigious music magazine company, has rented out a five-star hotel for the artists to do interviews, press conferences, and preparation before the main event started. Empire had been given a suite where they could stay for the night and do interviews with various reporters and journalists during the day. Eren, Reiner, and Jean had been sitting for hours on the same couch, dressed impeccably handsome in their suits with their stylists waiting in another room to do a quick retouch between interviews. Journalist after journalist came walking into the room with their long list of questions and Eren’s mind often drifted away, wishing that he could abandon everything and just stay at home with you with his head on your lap and your fingers tangled in his hair.

Despite his exhaustion, Eren kept things professional. He smiled when he needed to. He laughed when he was supposed to, and he answered every question clearly and efficiently. Most of the questions were about the performance they did the day before as one of the opening acts for the show, and how they felt to be nominated for the first time in one of the most notorious music awards in the world. His answer was always the same, sounding precisely like the script Levi had handed to him right after he woke up.

It was on his ninth interview when he felt like his brain was going haywire. A male journalist with a buzz cut, dressed sloppily in a flannel shirt and sneakers, with a smile too wicked to be genuine, handled the interview. Eren hated him since the first second he leaned forward to shake his hand, but then again, he hated everyone who took his time away from you.

There were two cameras in the room, one facing the band members, another one facing the interviewer. There were also a few professional photographers on standby, documenting every interaction they made.

“Hey, everyone. It’s your boy, Connie Springer here.” He greeted the camera, holding a wireless microphone in one hand. “Joining me here today is one of the hottest rock bands in the world who’s nominated for not one, but two different categories for CBN Music Awards.” He dragged his eyes toward the members. “Hey, guys, how are you doing?”

“Pretty awesome, dude,” Jean replied with a smirk, holding his fist in the air.

“Whoa, a fist bump. Never had that one from rockstars before.” Connie chuckled, knocking their fists together. “Cool. Can I just say something real quick? Your rendition of Harry Styles’ Adore you last night? Blew my mind.” Reiner chuckled in response. “Seriously, bro. It’s like it was your song all along. To me, it was no longer a pop song. It was pure, classic rock—sounded better than the original, if you ask me.”

“Please don’t say that,” Reiner quickly adds.

“Of course, sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.” But his laughter surely was. “So, you guys have only been playing for four years, almost five?” This time, it was Jean, the guitarist, who replied with a nod. “Yeah, and now you’ve been nominated for the Best Rock Band and the Best Live Act categories. That’s friggin awesome, man. How do you feel?”

“To be honest, it still feels surreal to us,” Reiner answered politely, while Eren looked away from the camera, trying to conceal his yawn by using the back of his hand. Reiner’s answer was always textbook perfect, accompanied shortly by an affable smile to charm his interviewer but before he could finish his sentence, Connie jumped straight into another topic.

“Right, of course,” he cut him off, leaving Reiner a bit baffled but even if he was aggravated by it, he didn’t comment on it. “So, I've gathered a few questions here from your fans. These are the real questions that need to be asked. Eren Jaeger—“ he paused to give him a salute. “Big fan of you, Sir. Honestly, I think you’re one of the most promising young artists we have in our generation.”

Eren smiled, feigned but good enough to deceive. “Thank you.”

“But is it true that you used to date Historia Reiss? Because just a week ago—and I’m sure you’ve heard about this—she revealed that she was a lesbian, so now people are thinking that maybe you were just teaming up with her to increase your popularity. What are your thoughts on that?”

Eren just stared at him, and if Connie had been a normal, sensible human being, he would’ve noticed that he just pushed the wrong button. Reiner and Jean exchanged a glance, keeping themselves mute as they grew nervous.

Running a hand through his slicked-back hair, Eren kept his smile intact and said, “Why don’t you ask her about that yourself?”

“When I got the chance, sure. I want to know what you think about it first.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not gonna answer that question for you, Connie, sorry.”

“Sheesh.” Connie hissed, clearly making fun of him. Eren’s face turned grim, biting the inside of his cheek to shift his attention away. “Alright then. Well, for what it’s worth, I think you two made a really good couple.” The journalist’s snicker was as inappropriate as the rest of his body language. Returning to his phone, Connie asked his next question. “What about Mikasa Ackerman, then? In the new MV for Hero Heroine—such a great song, by the way—you guys had so many steamy scenes together. Is there anything going on between the two of you or is it just strictly business kind of thing?”

Connie was sneering as he asked the question and it made Eren’s blood boil in his veins. His smile turned sinister. “I don’t think your question has anything to do with my band—“

“I’m just asking the questions that your fans want to know,” Connie retorted, almost contemptuously. Jean and Reiner were beginning to send signals to the rest of the staff to cut the interview short, but Levi, who was in charge, was not available in the room.

“Okay. Dude?” Jean interrupted before Eren’s glare turned even more menacing than it already was. “You can either stick to the questions that are relevant to our music or leave. We’re not here to discuss our personal lives.”

“Cool, cool, yeah.” Connie had the nerves to ignore him, turning his body to face the lead vocalist, and insisting to ask the question. “What about the girl you sang Happy Birthday to on stage? People are dying to know her name. Can you tell me who she is?”

“That’s it, we’re taking a break.” Jean stood up from his seat, tugging Eren by his arm. “Come on, let’s get some fresh air. Levi will deal with him later.”

Connie kept directing his mic toward the vocalist. “People are saying she’s the same girl who’s been seen with you lately. The one who’s working as a journalist in PMC.”

“Dude, we’re done.” Jean almost lost his patience. Reiner agreed with a nod, following his trail right after as Jean made his way toward the door.

“How long have you been dating her?” The man was persistent. “It was bold of you to pull that kind of stunt on stage. Your fangirls aren’t gonna like it but, I guess, you got the attention you wanted, right?”

Eren’s nails were sinking into his thighs from how hard he tried to keep himself composed. Releasing a breath, he stood up, fixed his suit, and walked past the interviewer without saying a word.

“Jesus Christ,” Connie said a few seconds before the three men exited the room, throwing one hand in the air in frustration. “Just tell me if you fuck that bitch, bro! I need to make some money over here!”

“Oh, fuck.” Reiner was the first one to react, panic escalating quickly in his chest when Eren stopped dead in his tracks. “Eren,” he called, turning around to warn his frontman. “Eren, just walk away, man.”

But the said male already had his ears closed and his fingers curling into fists. Turning around, he walked back with angry steps and his jaw clenching hard. A voice inside his head screamed at him to be a better man—to remind him that taking a further step than that would put his image on the line. But it wasn’t enough. He was furious.

“What did you call her?” Eren asked as he made his way to where Connie was standing. He didn’t shout or even snarl at the other male. He was calmer than he had ever been. But his voice is laced with venom, deep and menacing, matching the way his emerald eyes were glinting in fury—a pair of piercing daggers that would make anyone cower at the sight.

Connie had his mouth open, swallowing hard. “W-well, I—“ His words fell dead when the vocalist took him by the collar of his shirt, forcing the shorter male to stand on his toes as he was. Not a split second later, Eren landed a hard punch on his jaw before he could utter anything else and the man fell to his knees, his palms pressing against the carpeted floor as his ears began to buzz. If he had packed a little more strength into his punch, Connie would’ve lost a tooth.

“Oh, shit,” Jean cursed, a second before he and Reiner hastily made their way back to the couch. They caught Eren by the arms, trying their best to keep him away from the journalist. “Eren, goddammit!” Jean’s face turned scarlet as he struggled to keep the other man still. “Calm down!”

Even under their hold, Eren kept launching himself forward toward the journalist, teeth-gritting as he screamed, “WHAT DID YOU FUCKING CALL HER?!”

It was at that moment, Levi entered the room. The camera flash went off under his command, but it was too late.

Everything was already recorded.

***

It’s a little bit after eleven pm, you notice, as you take a glance at the digital clock sitting on your desk. You’re already settled in bed, planning to drift into your slumber once you’re finished watching Empire’s version of Harry Styles’ Adore You for the fifth time that night. You’ve got an early day tomorrow, a pile of articles to work on and a seminar to attend, so you need to catch some sleep, but the thing is, you can’t stop.

No matter how many times you’ve seen this, you kept hitting the replay button to watch the video all over again. Eren was playing on the stage, doused in bright lights with people cheering his name. He was singing one of the most notorious hits that year and he performed it shirtless.

He was wearing black jeans, black combat boots, and a black jacket—which is nothing new, obviously—aside from the fact that he was wearing no shirt underneath. The strap of his bass and his gold, key-shaped pendant that dangled in the middle of his chest were the only things that hid the way his abs muscles contracted with every movement he made. He was dangerously captivating, masculine with a hint of sensuality.

Walk in your rainbow paradise

Strawberry lipstick state of mind

Eren’s voice rumbled deep, his husky voice suited the song more than you had expected it would. It was a perfect choice, just like he had predicted. Though the melody was the same, Empire had their own style and Eren wasn’t lying when he said he would make it work. You had listened to this song several times before on the radio, but it was almost unrecognizable under his hands.

I get so lost inside your eyes

Would you believe it?

This performance reminds you of the way Eren sang I Only Lie When I Love You with Historia during Harlequin’s solo concert. The way he was being seductive throughout the song, not too much, just the right amount to make you hold your breath every time the camera got a close-up shot of his face. His jade green eyes were hooded, something that you would call to be his bedroom eyes, which makes you feel a bit jealous as you wish they were reserved only for your own to see. His smirk oozed sexiness with the perfect amount of mischief that made him look more juvenile than usual.

You don't have to say you love me

You don't have to say nothing

You don't have to say you're mine

The conversation you had with him the morning after your confession returned to your mind. Eren made sure to let his lips brush lightly against his microphone as he stared directly into the camera, singing the words like he was speaking to you.

Honey

I'd walk through fire for you

Just let me adore you

Like it's the only thing I'll ever do

Listen to the lyrics and think about me. Like how I’ll be thinking of you when I perform it on the stage.

“Oh, God.” You have your face hidden underneath your palm, your heart pumping more blood to your face. He’s going to be the death of me, isn’t he?

Your heart jolts and your ears perk up at the sound of your doorknob being turned open. You’re startled to hear Eren pushing open your front door as you didn’t expect him to swing by. He had told you earlier this morning that he’d be staying at a five-star hotel where the event was held for a couple of days until the entire show was over.

Why is he here? You ponder. Maybe he just wanted to spend the night here instead of staying at the hotel?

A gleeful grin naturally finds its way to your face and you jump down from your bed, half-running toward him in your silk nightdress to greet him with a kiss. But the second you’re close enough to see his face, your warm smile morphs into a shock-filled gasp. “Eren,” you scurry close, carefully resting your fingers on his cheek as you examine his face. “Oh my God, Eren, are you okay?”

With his jaw tightened, he averts his gaze to the side, weakly swatting your hand away from him. “I’m fine.”

There are fresh bruises on his skin, angry red marks that make your heart palpitate in horror, wondering how much pain did he have to endure when he took those punches.

What happened? Did he get into a fight? With who? No, why did he get into a fight in the first place?

Your head is spinning and you realize you’re panicking once the thought of it having anything to do with you enters your mind.

This is not the time.

Taking a breath to keep yourself composed, you hurriedly move back to your fridge. “Sit down, please—we—we need to ice the bruises—” Your fingers shake as you retrieve the ice pack, almost letting it slip from your hand before you grab a towel to wrap around it. Eren doesn’t comply right away, so you guide him deeper into the kitchen. Circling your fingers along his wrist, you tug forward and he follows. But instead of taking a seat on the nearest stool, Eren spins you around and smashes his mouth hotly against yours.

“Eren—mmph—“ You’re being pushed hard against the kitchen aisle, the marbled edge pressing uncomfortably against the dip of your spine. “Wait—“ you manage to let the word slip but it’s not enough. He kisses you roughly, almost desperately, demanding your response. They feel suffocating, and you grab onto his dress shirt as if it would help you breathe. You kiss him back with a whimper, your eyebrows adjoined in the middle when you feel his teeth bruising your lip. His tongue, even if it already remembers the way you taste, still explores your mouth like it’s desperate to satisfy its curiosity.

Eren is acting like a stranger, and you could tell that he’s been drinking from how thick the taste of alcohol is sitting on his tongue. He seems both angry and heartbroken, impatient and lonely at the same time.

I need you to tell me what’s wrong.

“Eren,” you take the opportunity to speak when he moves his mouth to your jaw, his large hands traveling all over your body. “I need—“ He tangles his fingers around your strands, yanking at your roots until you have your neck exposed. “L-let me take care of your bruises first.”

Paying no mind, Eren trails his tongue along the throbbing vein, nipping harshly at your skin. You place both hands on the edge of the counter, gripping onto it like the floor is crumbling underneath you. The thin strap of your dress is falling over your shoulder, showing him a glimpse of your chest that heaves up and down, desperate for air. “W-wait—please—you need to rest—”

“Can I fuck you?” He asks in such urgency, almost in a form of a growl, just a second before he catches your earlobe between his teeth. The coldness in his voice strikes deep within you, but it’s not fear that you feel, though it does seem quite similar. He’s being hasty, more aggressive than he’s ever been but he’s not forcing you to obey his orders. Because, despite the raging storm that wages in his heart, Eren still waits for your answer.

He stops what he’s doing, pulling away just slightly where you can still feel the warmth of his breath caressing your cheek. “I really need you right now.” His voice trembles, but from fear or sadness, or something else you haven’t noticed, you couldn’t tell.

With a little, shaky nod, your mouth forms the word, “Yes…”

And that’s all it takes. His feelings pour like raging waterfalls. All this anger, all this frustration he’s been keeping to himself—they break through the barrier and you can feel every spark of that bottled-up anger through his touch. His kisses don’t taste the same—don’t feel the same, and if you closed your eyes, you would’ve thought he was someone else.

Eren doesn’t waste time. He no longer has the patience to. He spins you around, forcing you to bend over the kitchen aisle with the heel of his palm pressing against the spot between your shoulder blades. You can hear the sound of his belt being taken off with one hand. His other one moves down to grab the hemline of your dress, pushing the fabric upward until it passes your waist. He moves your panties to the side, spreading your thighs apart and you obey. Your heartbeat sounds like a beating drum in your ears, loud and heavy. Spitting into his palm, he lathers his cock with his saliva, pumping it fast for a few times to get to his full length.

You’ve never been this nervous. You can't deny the thrill that colors your blood, unfurling like wildfire to every inch of your body, from the thought of being used as a way to vent out his frustration. You can feel the anger from the way he grips onto your skin, his nails sinking deep enough to make you wince, but you know it’s not directed at you. It feels different from that time when he fucked you to avenge the horrible prank you pulled on him. That time, even when he was visibly furious, you could also catch a hint of impishness and teasing behind his touches. Today, there is none.

Eren pushes in.

It all happens so fast that even when you already know what was coming, you still gasp the second you feel his tip stretching you without proper preparation. You take a sharp intake of breath, your front teeth nearly cutting your lip from how hard you’re biting on it to muffle your voice. He leaves no room for you to adjust, already moving his hips back and forth. He’s not moving fast just yet, but his thrusts are deep and powerful, pushing your body forward with every pound. Your head hangs low, your hands wobble as they try to prop your upper half.

But him being so forceful like this? This doesn’t scare you.

What scares you is that he doesn’t let out any sound. He doesn’t praise you, doesn’t call your name. There’s no mischief or the usual haughtiness written on his lips. They’re slightly parted to let out a breath, but he’s being so quiet, it’s chilling.

But maybe you’re not one to say, as you can’t find your own voice. Eren takes a firm hold of your hips, his hooded eyes seeming more black than green in the dimness of your apartment. His thoughts are too clouded, both by his rage and the alcohol in his system. He can barely think. Right now, he just wants to release everything he feels in his bones at once, so he can go back to how he was before.

“Eren.” Your voice breaks but you continue. He’s relentlessly pounding into you from behind, his trousers sliding to his mid-thigh as he pushes in deeper. You reach out blindly behind you, taking a hold of his wrist. “Calm down—”

He twists his hand and breaks free from your grip. In return, he clamps his fingers around your smaller wrist and pins it down behind your back. You fall forward, lying your upper half flat on the aisle, the coldness of the marble top sticking to your cheek and chest. You groan out of pain, your legs begin to shake. “Eren—”

He leans forward, his chest filling the curve of your spine as he hovers beside your ear. “I’m sorry,” he says in a whisper. “I’m sorry.”

But I don't want you to look at me right now.

There’s a bit of a stinging pain that echoes through your body every time he slides in and out. The ledge is digging into your stomach the harder he pushes you against it. Mustering every strength you have, you push yourself away, turning around to face him. You stand on wobbly legs, your arms circling his neck as you kiss him to steal his attention away. Eren responds to it by instinct with his eyebrows furrowing together, his fingers fisting against the back of your dress. Without warning, he slides his hand down to your thighs and lifts you, placing you down on the aisle with your legs dangling in the air. He spreads your thighs again, settling himself in between. You try to slow down his pace by resting your hand on his chest but he snatches you away by the wrist and holds it mid-air. He buries himself inside you once more, sinking his face in the crook of your neck, and picks up his pace.

You can’t keep up, your head turning to mush. You stretch out your hand, framing his face. “Look at me.”

“No,” he growls, pushing your hand away. He doesn’t look at you, not even a glance, as he’s afraid to see the expression you make.

“Eren!” The desperation in your voice turns him still and his eyes find yours. You exhale in relief, cupping his cheek. “I’m not going anywhere,” you tell him, pressing your temples together as you close your eyes and catch your breath. “I’m not going anywhere so, please… Calm down…”

For a moment, the world slows down. It soothes him. Your voice. Your gesture. Your little touch. Enough for him to realize the shivers running through your fingertips. His heartbeat still races but the ominous black clouds that fogged his brain are thinning. And the second he’s able to think clearly, to let his emotions bottled down again, a thought begins to form.

What the fuck am I doing?

You can see the regret and guilt filling his eyes, and that’s not what you want from him. “You’re not hurting me,” you tell him, resting your hand on his cheek. “I’m okay. I just… I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. I’m here with you and I’m not going anywhere.”

She will stay.

That thought, one that’s born from your words, makes him realize that it’s not anger he’s been feeling. It’s dread. Somewhere in his heart, he knows that he just did something wrong—something that could make you feel terribly upset from how he behaved, something that might drive you away from him. And he’s scared. He needs reassurance from you. That you won’t hate him no matter what, that you won’t leave him no matter what. Ironically, it translates into the need of having physical touch, as it’s something he’s grown familiar with, especially with you in the last few months.

And you understood that. You understood that even when he couldn’t.

“Kiss me,” you tell him quietly and his heart swells. He’s still scared of making the first move, afraid that he might hurt you again because he knew he did, even when you claimed he didn’t. You place one hand on his nape, fingertips brushing against his baby hair as you pull him forward to slant your lips together. Eren lets you lead, follows the movement of your lips with his heart threatening to leap out of his chest. The kiss is slower. Languid. It doesn’t feel as sweet as his usual ones just yet, but it’s a start.

“Eren…” You guide him with a lift of your hips, your arms enclosing his shoulders. “You can move now…” There’s hesitation within him but you wash it away with a moan. When he starts to move again, your body matches every thrust better. “Faster, Ren…”

He’s panting hard, working his hips fast to find his release as you told him to. His groan turns louder when he reaches his high, emptying himself inside you with his forehead resting on your shoulder. You hug him close, gently stroking his strands before you move your hands to follow his spine.

When he’s finished, he slowly breaks away, still catching his breath. His cheeks are flushed, his eyes hazy with the aftershock of his orgasm. You smile at him, weak but tender. “Feeling better?”

He breaks down, crushing you with his embrace as he continuously whispers, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

“It’s okay.” You extend the space between you, pressing a sweet kiss on his forehead. “We’re okay.”

Eren searches your eyes, his own filled with nothing but concern and guilt. “Did I hurt you?”

“No.” The word comes out without taking a second to process his question. There was pain, yes, but it wasn’t anything unbearable for you to take. Either way, you won’t say it to him. He already looks like he’s going to punish himself forever without hearing your answer. You kiss him once, keeping your lips pressed until you feel his tense muscles relaxing. Ending the kiss, you push the stray hair away from his eyes. “Can you tell me what happened?”

He casts his gaze downward, shaking his head.

“Eren.”

“Let me take care of you first,” he says, catching your eyes. “I want to make it up to you.”

“You really don’t have to—“

“Please.” His thumb is rubbing comforting circles along your cheekbone. “I promise I’ll tell you everything you want to hear afterward.” Your lips meet again, with him whispering his next words against them. “I won’t be able to forgive myself until I make it up to you.”

The sincerity in his voice is what makes you agree to his offer. “Okay…” You circle your arms around his neck. “I’m all yours.”

***

“So, was it a fight?”

Your fingers are intertwined with his as he embraces you from behind. Eren has his back pressed against the headboard of your bed, with you sitting on his lap. You’re both bare from top to toe, seeking warmth from each other’s skin instead of the fabric of your sweater. You snuggle close to him with your blanket shrouding your front, sighing in content at how hot his chest feels against your spine.

“No,” Eren answers, vacant eyes watching the way your hand fits his perfectly. He turns pensive, speaks nothing louder than a mumble. “I let Levi beat me up.”

“Why?”

“‘Cause I fucked up.”

You turn slightly to take a glimpse of his face. His expression doesn’t reveal much, a mystery that you need to solve. But if you ask the right questions, you’ll get the answers you need. “What did you do?”

“I… punched someone in the face.”

“Who?”

“The guy who interviewed me.”

“What?” You shift your weight, spinning around until you can lay a hand on his chest, your eyes growing wide. “What do you—why?”

“Because he asked questions that didn’t have anything to do with my music.”

“Doesn’t mean you can punch him, Eren.”

“I know, but I was so—” The frustration from a moment ago flits through his eyes but this time, he doesn’t let it stay for long. There’s a shiver in his voice from restrained anger. “I was so pissed off.”

He’s always been quite a temperamental person, and if he’s aggravated by something or someone, it immediately shows on his face. But you thought that he was better at pretending this time around—that he was used to showbiz and wouldn’t let himself be easily vexed by something like this. So if he was furious enough to punch someone, it would’ve been for a serious reason.

Our relationship, you dread, swallowing thickly. Eren doesn’t want to elaborate further unless you ask him. So with a heavy tongue, you query, “What, uhh… What did he ask you?”

A pause. “Something about my personal life.”

Shit. “Like…?”

He contemplates for a few seconds before he heaves a heavy sigh, giving up on trying to keep it hidden in the dark. “Well, he asked about Historia. Wanted to know if what happened between us was just an act.”

“Oh…” Relief washes over you but it doesn’t stay that way for long. Judging by his tone, you know he’s nowhere close to disclosing everything. “Did he ask about Mikasa too?”

His jaw clenches. “Yeah.”

“Was that…” You wet your lips. “The reason why you got angry?”

“No.” He exhales sharply through his nose. “I don’t give a fuck about her. Honestly, I got questions like this all the time and I never cared about them before but when he brought you into the conversation, I just couldn’t—“ He stops himself when he notices you’re flinching. His hold around your hand was getting too tight, it begins to hurt. He calms himself, relaxing his muscles. “I got so angry…” He continues, playing with your fingers carefully this time, kissing your knuckles once as a form of an apology. “So, I lashed out.”

You splay out your fingers and let your palm meets his, watching the way they are a tad smaller than his. “What did he say about me?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

You lace your fingers together, squeezing them gently for comfort. “Then can you at least tell me what’s on your mind?”

You offer him the serenity he needs, making it easy for him to let go and share his burden with you like the time he opened up about his past. “I think that…” He tentatively starts. “Rather than angry, I was… scared. I’m still scared. I’m scared that I’ll end up hurting you because of this. Because of my popularity as an artist. I’m worried that people—who clearly don’t know how amazing you are and how important you are in my life—would talk shit about you and I know you’re strong, I know you can handle this, but I just…” His voice turns quieter, not yet a whisper but close. “I don’t want them to get into your head. I don’t want them to hurt you, but I know I can’t protect you all the time. And I’m afraid that one day, you’ll get tired of it all and—” He stops, switching quickly to nibble at the corner of his lip instead.

“And?” You insist on him to continue, but your tone is gentle. “And I’ll leave you because of it? Is that… what you want to say?”

He brings his gaze down, letting his hair drapes over him like a curtain to mask his expression. “I’m sorry,” he faintly mumbles. “It’s not that I don’t trust you—I do, it’s just… I don’t want you to get hurt.”

How is he so kind, you wonder. So mature and caring, yet at the same time, fragile.

You gather his face in your hands, lifting it so he no longer has the option to hide. “I think you underestimate my strength, young man,” you tease him, hoping it would light up the tension. “Don’t you remember? I got bullied a lot during our school days. Did you ever see me cry about it?”

His heart warms at the memory of summer and the neverending laughter you shared in the corridor. “Many times, actually,” he says, and you both laugh softly, eyes turning crescents just like how they used to twelve years ago.

“Right, I forgot I was a bit of a wimp back then. Well, I can assure you that I’m definitely not a wimp now, so I don’t need you to worry about me. Or protect me. I can do it myself.”

“I know,” he answers in a sigh, his hands naturally curling around your waist when you turn around on his lap again. “I just... Sometimes I wish I could just stop doing this, you know? Quit the band so I can live a normal life with you.”

If only it was that easy, you ponder as you lean your back against his chest, your head resting on his shoulder. But then again, I don’t want you to give up on your dreams.

“Would you… like that?” He sounds so uncertain when he asks the question as if he’s afraid that he might upset you with it. His lips are brushing against the skin of your shoulder as he speaks. “To live a normal life with me..? Just the two of us…”

It doesn’t sound like a plan to escape his fame, it sounds like a marriage proposal. Your cheeks heat up at the thought but you try your best to stay unfazed. “You know you can’t do that. You haven’t finished your contract yet.”

“I know. That’s why I’m so frustrated.” Eren closes his eyes, tightening his arms around your curve. “But if I could… Would you..?”

Would you marry me and stay with me forever?

Before Eren has the bravery to enunciate the words, you untangle his limbs from your body and climb away from his thighs. His heart throbs instantly, worried that he’s crossing the line too far. “Baby, I’m—”

You turn around and straddle his lap, every bit of your body is facing him properly this time. “Can I have a word?” You ask, face solemn.

“S-sure.”

“First of all, I’ve promised you I’d stay,” you state out firmly, cupping his cheek and peering deep into his eyes. “As long as you want me around, I’ll stay with you. You don’t have to ask me this. You just have to believe me.”

Eren noticeably gulps once before he nods, his eyes entranced with the conviction that’s written in yours.

“Second,” you continue, taking a deep breath. “I got scared at the beginning too when I read what people said about us being together. How I’m not pretty enough for you—”

“You’re beautiful.”

“Or when they compared me to Historia or Mikasa—”

“They are nothing compared to you—”

“Eren.” You chuckle. “Will you let me talk, please?”

“Right.” His face reddens slightly. “Sorry.”

He’s cute. He’s always been so cute, even if he’s six feet tall with glare sharp enough to pierce through the glass. “I was angry. Of course, I was angry,” you confess. “I had to put my accounts into private so they won’t leave nasty comments on my articles or send death threats through my DM.” Eren appears to be in shock as this is the first time he’s hearing this. He’s about to ask further but you shake your head, reminding him to not interrupt just yet. “I don’t want to talk about it. Besides, it’s fine now. It’s not a problem anymore once I went private. I also try not to look up my name on the internet or go through the comment section of your performances or interviews. What I’m saying is that I’m all right. Right now, I’m all right. I’m happy—the happiest I’ve ever been—because now I get to have you like this. I get to belong to you, properly, just as much as you belong to me.” You let your hand linger on his skin, pushing back his bangs so you can marvel at how brilliantly his eyes gleam. He drags it down to his cheek, tilting his head to kiss the lines of your palms. You fondly smile at the sight, bending your head down once to capture his lips between yours.

“But…” Your gaze saddens as you break away, gliding the pad of your thumb against the redness of his bottom lip. “If I could be honest with you, a part of me is still terrified about it. What if it becomes worse? I don’t care about me but I knew you would lash out, Eren, and you did. That’s why I never told you about any of this until now. I didn’t—I don’t want you to behave this way.”

He cowers, looking dejected. “Do you… hate me?”

“No,” you titter. “How could I? I’m in love with you.”

Seeing him turn mortified makes you grow flustered as you don’t intend to make him feel that way with your words. You spoke without thinking, feeling a sudden urge to convey the words just because you wanted to say them. But you don’t regret saying it. You never will.

“Anyway,” you clear your throat, bashful. “The most important part you need to understand is that I don’t want you to ruin the image you’ve been building for years. The dream you’ve been chasing for years. I don’t want you to put your career on the line, just because you don’t want people to hurt me.”

He turns pale. “But—”

“Think about Jean and Reiner,” you remind him. “They need this band. Unlike you with your modeling gigs and commercials, they have nothing else going on besides Empire. Think about Levi. Think about Marco! He adores you. Think about the people whose lives you changed with your music. They need you. We all need you. And if you’re gonna throw that all away for me, I’m sorry, but I’m going to end whatever it is between us right now.”

“What—“ His eyes promptly turn wide. “No—why would you—”

“Because I don’t want you to give up on your dreams!” You’re almost shouting at this point, desperately trying to make him see through your point of view. “Eren, you’ve come so far to get to where you are now. And maybe the reality is not like how you expected it to be so you no longer care just as much as you used to. Maybe now you feel controlled or pressured by the fame and all of these business contracts you have to follow, but this is it. This is what you dreamt of when we were young. Empire is rising to fame and you deserve it. You deserve every attention, every award, and every praise coming your way and I’m not going to take that away from you. I won’t.”

Your chest is heaving up and down, desperate for air from how fast you’re talking. “Rennie, I know you care about me and I thank you for it. You’re so sweet, so kind, but if it’s hard for you to understand, try seeing it from my point of view. How awful do you think it would make me feel if you abandon years of hard work just to be with me?” Your eyebrows are sewn together, stroking and holding his cheek firmly with your hand. “I can’t live with that.” Eren’s eyes move back and forth, his frown deepens as he searches yours. You lean up to kiss him once and let your hooded eyes stay on his lips as you whisper. “I don’t want you to worry about me.”

“I… can’t,” he softly replies. “You’re the only one I can think about.”

“You’re the only one I can think about too.” You smile at him, kissing the spot between his eyebrows to erase his furrow. “But you need to protect your image. You need to be on your best behavior or I swear to God, I’m not gonna date you.”

He pulls away instantly, blinking his eyes twice. “You’re… You were planning to date me?”

“Maybe.” Your sheepish smile is accompanied by the mischievous twinkle in your eyes. “I mean, honestly, Ren, isn’t it obvious? I just told you I loved you.”

“I love you too,” he responds naturally and you snort to conceal how successful he is at making your heart pound. You can see how lovestruck he is with you, can tell by the little gestures he makes—the way he nuzzles his nose against yours, the way he gazes at you. It still feels surreal to have someone like Eren Jaeger to love you this deeply. You just hope you can return everything just as much. Ten times—no, a billion times more, if you could.

“Yeah, well,” you avert your gaze, trying to focus on the matter. “Now that this happened, I’ve got some thoughts I need to figure out first. You see, this guy I’m planning to date just punched a journalist for my sake. I need to think about that.”

You both laugh a little, his crooked teeth peeking behind curvy lips. “God, I wanna keep you in my pocket,” he says, embracing you and placing his chin on top of your head—another one of his newly discovered habits, it seems. You nuzzle close enough that you can listen to his heartbeat if you want to. “I wanna carry you with me all the time.”

“That sounds both fun and impractical.” Your giggle fades when Eren spins you around and lays you back down on the bed. “What are you doing?”

“You didn’t cum before, did you?” He crawls down your body, tucking his hair behind his ear before he slides your panties down your thighs. “I said I’d take care of you so…”

“But I—“ You flinch when the warmth of his breath fans your sensitive skin. “I have work in three hours and I haven’t gotten a wink of sleep.”

Eren lifts his face just enough to give you a glimpse of his pleading eyes and his tiny pout. “I won’t waste time so… Please..?” He kisses your thigh, half-lidded eyes never breaking away from yours. “I just want to make you feel good…”

Maybe, just maybe, this Eren—this sweet, loving, and sensual lover—is a much more dangerous version than his usually playful, naughty self. Just look at the way he blinks his eyes, eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks. How can you say no?

“Okay…”

His smile is saccharine sweet. He draws a soft “Thank you,” against the inner part of your thigh before he settles his head between your legs.

***

Ten minutes before your lunch break starts, your raven-haired female co-worker has already slid her way into your cubicle with a box of her Caprese salad on her lap, abandoning her article without care even when she’s already an hour past her deadline. Humming the tune of Ariana Grande’s latest hits, Pieck Finger pops open her lunchbox. “Shut down your laptop,” she says, twirling her fork around her fingers with an indecent grin. “It’s time for you to rate which BTS member you’d like to bang in a parking lot. Personally, I’d start with—“

“I am so fucked,” you confess to her, spinning your swivel chair around to face her.

Pieck, who is just about to stuff a piece of cherry tomato inside her mouth, sighs heavily into the air. “I literally just wanted to eat my salad in peace while thinking about RM’s supposedly massive dong, but okay.” She drops her fork, crosses her legs, and folds her arms on her chest. “Let me guess, you’re pregnant. For real, this time.”

“No. Worse. I told him I loved him.”

“You fucking what?!”

From her reaction, you can already tell how much she’s going to scold you—or make fun of you—the second this is over. Probably, shouting something along the line, “Honey, how many times do I have to fucking tell you? THIS IS NOT HOW FUCK BUDDY RELATIONSHIPS WORK!” Just the thought of it already makes you flinch.

But you’ve got to tell her. There’s no one else you could talk to, and even if Pieck can’t offer you the consolidation you need, at least you can get this out of your chest. “Okay, a lot of things happened in the last three weeks—”

“And you just told me that now?!”

“I’m sorry!” You clasp your hands together, wincing as you apologize. “I didn’t know how to tell you before. And I wasn’t ready.”

Pieck holds up a hand. “It’s okay, I’m just—” She’s lost for words. “Honey, this is huge! I mean, I saw it coming—totally—but, like, you guys took forever to get there, I thought that you’d end up raising a baby together first before you got to exchange those disgusting three words with each other.”

“I don’t follow your logic in that, but okay.”

“How did it start?”

“From that prank you told me to do, actually. Which, by the way,“ you narrow your eyes menacingly at her, “Ended terribly—”

“Terribly how?” She derides. “Him professing his love to you with the moon and the stars dancing in the background as your witness?”

You hold back your retort. “We’ll talk about that later.” Pieck simply rolls her eyes at your response. “Eren was furious at first, but one thing led to another and we ended up having a heart-to-heart conversation. He opened up about his past, I was crying, he probably was too—”

“Oh, Jesus.” She’s already rubbing her temple. “Spare me the sappy details, please.”

“Sorry.” You awkwardly clear your throat. “It felt so romantic that night and when we made love—I-I mean, when we had sex—”

“You made love,” she flatly corrects back, unamused and unenthusiastic. “You don’t have to censor the words, it’s not like I’m allergic to them. Besides, it was never just straight out fucking with you two. You’ve been making love—” she says the last two words like they leave a sour taste on her tongue, “—for God knows how long by now. You just kept on insisting that you were having casual sex when literally everyone else but you knew that it was never just casual sex.”

“Right.” There’s absolutely no way you can have this conversation without turning flustered every three seconds. “Are you done? I’m trying to tell a story here if you don’t mind.”

“Sorry. Your relationship just gives me headaches, that’s all.”

“Would you prefer if I stop?”

“Oh, no, please, this is better than Grey’s Anatomy.” She slurps up her strawberry juice. “Do continue.”

She barely has any emotions on her face but there’s not a hint of sarcasm on her voice either. “So we made love, yes. But it was so… So beautiful and intimate and it just felt right to say what we’d been wanting to say. So he told me he loved me and I told him I loved him too.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“Huh… Well, that’s anti-climatic. I thought he’d kneel in front of you with a ring or something.”

“E-Eren wouldn’t do something like that!”

“He kinda gives me that vibe, though. That nausea-inducing kind of prince charming vibe.” With a shrug, she climbs back to her feet. “Before I get back to that, would you excuse me for a second, please?” Ignoring your frown, she takes as much air as she can into her lungs and screams until your ears begin to ring. With her hands cupped around her mouth, she shouts, “POKKO! POKKO, COME HERE!” She’s garnering people’s attention at once but she doesn’t care. Around eight or nine cubicles away from you, Porco stands up from his seat with his face flushed, mouthing, “Are you insane?! Shut up!” Pieck makes some questionable gestures and when she still can’t convince him to come over, her voice booms again. “IF YOU DON’T COME HERE IN TEN SECONDS, I’M GOING TO TELL EVERYONE THAT YOU HAVE A GIGANTIC MOLE ON YOUR—”

Porco has never run so fast in his twenty-six years of living.

“W-what’s up?” He asks, landing one hand on your desk to support himself as he tries to catch his breath.

Pieck chimes in. “Jaegerbomb confessed to her and she told him she loved him too.”

“Wait—” You shriek, panic and shame mixed into one. “Pieck!”

“Shit, for real?” The thought appalls him once but Porco doesn’t stay like that for long. On the next second, he clicks his tongue in vexation. “Damn it,” he grumbles under his breath, “Why couldn’t he wait for another week.” He turns to Pieck, rummaging his back pocket in search of his wallet. “So, how much do I owe you? I’m really running low on the money here, Pieck. Be gentle with me.”

“I’ve always been gentle with you, Pokko, you know that.” Her naughty wink paints more color to his cheek. “A hundred bucks.”

“Fuck. I thought it was more, like, fifty.”

“Nope. But if you let me peg you tonight, I’ll call it even.”

“Sorry, how much was it again?”

“Guys?!” You stand up from your seat, face in flames. “You’re making bets on me?!”

Pieck has the biggest pout on her face when she receives her money from Porco. Clearly, she wanted him to choose her other offer. “Honey, I’m sorry,” she says, smiling apologetically at you even though she just blatantly made profits off you. “We just find it frustrating that the two of you never had the balls to speak your feelings out in the open when literally everyone could see that you were both in love with each other. So we figured, we might as well enjoy the show.”

“By making bets on me?!” You drag your eyes to Porco. “Pieck I could understand, but you? I expected better of you, Galliard.”

“Sorry,” he winces. “I really needed the money.”

“You just handed her a hundred-dollar bill!”

“Which would’ve stayed perfectly still in my wallet and got me another hundred dollar bill if you just kept your confession to yourself for another week!”

“Pokko, if you let me peg you again, I’ll give you back your money and double it—”

“WILL YOU STOP WITH THE PEGGING, PLEASE?!”

“Oh my God, why am I even friends with you two.” You have your face buried in your hands, moaning in exasperation.

“So, what are you planning to do next?” Porco leans against your desk, while Pieck sinks back into her chair. “You guys officially dating now or what?”

“No,” you mutter weakly, mentally drained. “I told him that I was still not ready to be in a relationship with him and he said it was okay to stay where we were.”

“For how long, though? You can’t tell me that you want to keep this up forever, right?” Seeing how you grow silent as you can’t find the answer, his forehead creases. “What is it? Is it because you feel like you’re not good enough for him?”

Truth is, yes, you’re still afraid that your personality and behavior—how you tend to be possessive over your partner, how often you go jealous over the simplest things—might put your relationship into jeopardy but with Eren… You think you can try. “I feel like…” You wet your lip. “I feel like I don’t worry about that as much as I did before. The more I get to know him, the more convinced I am that no matter what I do—no matter what I become—Eren will still accept me for who I am. And now, after I found out what happened to him, I think he’s afraid of the same thing too. Of me leaving him because he’s not good enough for me.”

Pieck leans closer. “Why do you think that?”

“Because when I told him about Armin, he didn’t act like he was jealous. He seemed…” Your heart squeezes at the memory. “Sad.”

As you’re deep in thoughts, Porco and Pieck exchange stares. “Well,” the man says, “Seems to me, you two understand each other very well. I don’t see why you shouldn’t take this relationship a step further.”

You have both hands resting on your lap, fingers curling tightly into balls of fists. “I don’t know…”

“Honey,” Pieck chimes in. “Let me ask you something. Are you planning to see other people?”

That you can answer instantly. “No.”

“Why not?”

“‘Cause I’m in love with him.”

“And he’s not going to date anyone else either.”

Your tongue lays heavy in your mouth. “I… hope so.”

“So, you’re both in love with one another, don’t want nor allow each other to date anyone else, and want to spend literally every breathing moment with each other for the rest of your lives.”

Heat pools in your face. You haven’t thought about spending your forever with him, but now that she’s mentioned it, that’s the only thing you can think about. And honestly? It isn’t such a bad idea. “Y-yeah, probably.”

She pokes her tongue against the inside of her cheek, staring flatly at you. “You know that there’s literally no difference between you dating him and not dating him, right?”

“I know—oh God,” you’re groaning with your hands on your hair, tugging at the strands.

“Maybe it’s because of his fans,” Porco helps you out. “I mean, his fanbase is insane. Never seen so many horny teenagers gathering in one comment section in my life. They were, like, talking about licking chocolate off his abs—”

“I’ll lick chocolate off your abs,” Pieck flirts, batting her eyelashes. “As long as you let me peg—”

“Jesus, read the room, Pieck.”

“Sorry.” At his scold, she returns to you. “Babe, I know it’s gonna get hard. And the faster you get familiar with all those death threats coming your way, the better.” She jabs her fork through her zucchini. “But, you just gotta remember that by the end of the day, he belongs to you. The only one who can ride that monstrous dick of his is you and no one else.”

Her choice of words doesn’t really faze you anymore. “I know, but that’s not what I’m worried about.” At Porco’s frown, you elaborate further. “A week and a half ago, he punched a journalist for mentioning me in his interview. I don't want that to happen again. I don’t want him to put his image and career on the line because of me. Being a musician has always been his dream, Pieck. I don’t want him to throw that away for me.”

“Did you tell him about this?” Porco asks.

“Yeah.”

“And what did he say?”

“He promised he wouldn’t do it again.”

“Then, believe in him.” The sandy blonde hair man rests one hand on top of your head, smiling as a way to comfort you. “You wanna be with him, right?” You sheepishly nod. “Then be with him. You can worry about the rest later. Cross the bridge when you get there, that’s what I’ve been telling you.”

You sigh. You know overthinking wouldn’t do you any good. You’re already at this point anyway. Going back is no longer an option you can choose—nor an option you want to choose.

“And,” Pieck adds, taking your hand and squeezing it lightly. “If things don’t work out, you still have us. Don’t worry, we’ll never break up with you, baby.”

You can’t help but chuckle. “Thanks, guys.”

***

Today passes by in a blink. The conversation you had with Pieck and Porco puts you at ease but at the same time, it pushes you forward, forcing you to decide your relationship as soon as possible. There’s no reason why you should postpone this any longer. The more you wait, the harder it would be to start, and the bigger the chance he’s hurting because of you.

I need to tell him.

And if I see him today, I will.

You slide your card key with a restless heart, mind running a thousand miles per hour, thinking about the way to lay down the conversation on the table. Is it really as simple as saying, ‘Eren, I want to date you’? What’s going to change after that?

Finding no answer, you push your door open and step inside your apartment. You’re welcomed by the darkness of your living room but it’s fine. You’ve remembered every corner of your apartment like the back of your hand. What bothers you is the fact that Eren’s not here, since the lights are off. Reaching for the nearest switch, you turn it on and let your kitchen and living room be illuminated at once. You feel your heart drop a little bit lower when you see that he’s nowhere in sight. No pair of lips parting to form your name before they brush against your own. No large hands pulling you into a warm embrace nor a chest to lay your cheek on.

You sigh. Since when did I become so attached to him? You haven’t seen him in not more than a day, and there you are, yearning to see him as if seasons have changed without him. Settling your belongings on the kitchen counter, you figure that today will only get even longer.

After quickly washing your hands, you make your way to the fridge, desperate to grab a can of cold drink and some dessert to ease the tension. There are a few leftovers from yesterday’s takeouts, including the strawberry cheesecake Eren has brought you from the Italian cafe you once visited. Bending down to take a spoonful of it into your mouth, two strong arms find their way to your waist.

“Missed me?”

Eren’s husky voice resonates right beside your ear, causing you to jump on your feet. Dropping your spoon, you feel your body being spun around, the startled noise that escapes your lips muffled by a pair of warm, sweeter ones. Closing the fridge with one foot, Eren pushes you up against it, one hand framing your face, another one holding you firmly by the waist. Right now, your heart is palpitating from shock, but in the next second, it’s solely because of the way his tongue swirls around yours, tasting the flavor of your strawberry cheesecake. He spends a minute to pour his longing for your touch into that one kiss and you let him, whimpering quietly against his mouth.

He lets you go when he’s satisfied, leaving you a bit dazed. There’s a naughty twinkle in his eyes as he breaks away, wiping off the cream from his bottom lip with his thumb and licking every bit of it off his digit. “Welcome home, baby.” He accompanies his line with his signature smirk, making it seem much less innocent than it’s supposed to be.

“You scared me.” You land a light punch on his chest, causing him to chuckle deeply.

“Sorry.” He leans in again to brush his lips against the spot between your eyebrows. “I’m glad you’re back. I’ve missed you.”

The way he just so easily causes your heartrate to soar from the simplest line is unbelievable. You let him kiss you once more before you whisper back with a shy smile. “I’m… glad to be home. I, uhh… I’ve missed you too.”

“Yeah?” Eren smirks, brushing his thumb over your glistening lower lip. “Kiss me again and show me how much then.”

No matter how embarrassed you are, he doesn’t take no for an answer. And there’s nothing left to do but to slant your lips against his, letting him taste you a little better.

The passion in his kiss reminds you of the day when your friends-with-benefits relationship just started. The little teasing bite on your supple skin, the way he tugs your bottom lip before he suckles on it, everything feels fiery and exciting—a stark contrast from all those tender, affectionate touches you’ve been sharing recently.

Eren, without needing to be asked, reaches over the counter to grab your favorite mug. “Have a seat,” he says. “I’ll make you some coffee.”

“Oh—umm—you don’t have to—“

“I want to.” He pats your head, showcasing his beautiful smile. Joy trickles down from your heart to every inch of your body. Taking a seat on the dining table, Eren joins you a moment later with two cups of sizzling hot coffee. “Here you go, Milady.”

You take the cup from his hand, tossing a smile as a token of your gratitude. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Eren drags back a chair, taking a seat beside you.

You can tell he’s admiring you from the side, his eyes raking over your side profile. Feeling like the room has gotten ten degrees hotter, you clear your throat. “H-how was, uhh…” You bring your mug closer to your lips. “How was your day?”

“Horny.”

You nearly lose your grip and accidentally splash a few drops of hot coffee to your shirt and hand. You hiss, wincing at the pain and Eren promptly stand up from his seat and leads you to the sink. Taking your hand gently in his, he pours cold water over the scalding skin. “Sorry,” he says. “Should’ve phrased my line better.”

“It wasn’t even a line,” you grumble but there’s no anger in your voice. If anything, you feel your heart warmed at the way he’s taking care of you over the smallest of injuries. “What do you mean by that anyway? No, wait, on second thought, I don’t think I wanna know.”

“Well, I found the lingerie you wore that night.” He tells you with a devilish smirk you haven’t seen in what feels like months. “Any chance I might be seeing you in it again?” He’s getting a little bit of his old self back, and it’s a nice change. Refreshing, even.

But no matter how thrilled you are to have that naughty version of him back, you narrow your eyes suspiciously at him. “Eren, you’re supposed to be reflecting on your mistakes,” you reprimand him.

“I am reflecting on my mistakes,” Eren argues, amusement standing thick in his voice. “I shouldn’t have let you go to work this morning. Could’ve done so many things to you if you had stayed at home.”

“I meant, the incident you had with Levi.” You take a quick look at his face, observing the bruises that begin to fade—almost entirely—from his skin. It has been a week and a half since his fight with Levi occurred. As ordered, he’s been staying at home—your home—to let his bruises heal and to make up for his mistakes by answering letters and signing posters and CDs to be given to his fans during his next concert. It’s a tedious job and Eren grumbles all the time as he does it. Honestly speaking, if it wasn’t because of you and your consistent nagging about how he should take care of his image properly, he wouldn’t have done it. “Have you thought about what you’re going to say to your manager when you’re back at the studio again?”

“I’ll think about that later,” Eren answers as he turns off the water. “I kept thinking about you—I could barely concentrate.” He examines your hand, exhaling in relief when he notices there’s no swelling. “I wrote down your name instead of mine when I signed one of my albums today.”

You can’t help but smile, thinking how much you two are alike. “You’re embarrassing.”

Every time he manages to make you giggle, elation washes over him. He wants nothing more than to do that every day, every hour, and every second of his life. “So,” he takes a step forward, reaching to either side of you to grab the ledge, and properly traps you within his arms. “I was thinking that maybe…” He tilts his head to the side, his lips hovering close to your ear. You close your eyes, feeling ticklish from the way his breath fans your skin and that deep, alluring voice of his. “We could go somewhere nice tomorrow.”

Your breathing becomes labored when you feel the tip of his nose brushing lightly against the side of your neck. Eren intentionally maintains an inch's worth of space, making you feel him without actually feeling him on your skin. “Where..?” Your voice turns hoarse, your hand unconsciously moving up to feel the muscles he hides behind his thin shirt but he doesn’t let you. He laces your fingers together, bringing it down until he has yours pinned against the counter.

“To the beach,” he whispers, finally taking your earlobe between his teeth, moaning softly because he knows how much his sultry voice drives you insane. “I’ve always wanted to take you there.”

You catch your bottom lip between your teeth, head lulling back to give him more access to your throat. “So we can have sex there?” You tease him with the same joke he made on the night when you both were staying on different continents.

“Well, I was thinking more about swimming and building sandcastles with you, but sure okay.”

You laugh, but only for a second before it turns into a suppressed moan. “I don’t think…” You swallow, surrendering yourself to him. “We’re gonna get any sandcastles done.”

“Yeah,” he answers breathily, loving the way your skirt rides up your thighs when he settles his knee between your legs. “Probably not.”

He’s so sensual—every bit of him is. His tone, his gaze, his little touches that spark electricity on your skin. Unsatisfied and impatient with the pace he’s going, you grind your hips against him. “Eren—” His mouth finds yours, fingers framing your jaw to keep you under his control. You clamp your hand around his wrists, eyebrows furrowed at the intensity of his kiss. “I want you,” you gasp against his mouth.

“Me too,” he groans, lifting your body by the waist and settling you down on the counter. Your legs spread naturally for him and Eren wastes no second before he settles himself between them. You’re gasping against each other’s mouth when your hips make contact, his hand gripping tightly against your thigh. “Fuck, I want you so bad, baby girl.”

You shudder, your insides churning. “Then—”

You're both interrupted by the sound of your stomach grumbling. It’s so unexpected, so embarrassing that it takes you three seconds to convince yourself that no, this isn’t happening but that thought shortly morphs into fuck, okay, so that did happen, but hopefully he didn’t hear it?

But when your eyes meet again, your heart trembles in horror because Eren is trying his very best not to laugh at you. Your face feels like it's seconds away from exploding, hands shooting up to cover your expression. “Please don’t laugh at me—I—I didn’t know why—”

Eren, still chuckling softly, retrieves your hands away and fills the gap between your fingers with his. “You’re adorable,” he says, making you feel even more flustered. “You haven’t eaten anything on your way back?”

“No…” You pout, still feeling completely distraught by the sound of your grumbling stomach. “You?”

“Nope. I wanted us to eat together so I waited for you.” With his help, you land back on your feet. “Sorry, I should’ve asked you about it when you arrived. I got, uh... distracted.”

“It’s…” You’re having the hardest time meeting his gaze. “It’s okay.”

Eren presents you with a quick peck on the cheek before he walks deeper into the kitchen, stealing your apron from the top drawer and ties it around his waist. “Give me fifteen minutes, okay?” he says, unfastening his hair tie just so he can bind his hair up again. “I can’t make anything fancy but how do you feel about having some Pad Thais for dinner?”

It feels like a dream. This man—this beautiful, beautiful man—standing before you with his delicate smile intact and his emerald eyes gleaming like crystal, acting like the perfect husband you could never even begin to imagine. Instead of answering, you half-run toward him and wrap your arms tightly around his waist. You knock some air out of his lungs from how hard you’re embracing him but Eren chortles, tangling his arms around the curves of your body. “Baby, I love you but as much as I enjoy being hugged like this, I can’t really cook if—“

“Eren,” you stop him, and his eyes widen slightly at the firmness in your tone.

Seeing you nervous makes him nervous. “W-what?”

I need to tell him. I need to tell him now. “I want—”

Your phone rings.

The sound makes you both freeze in an instant, two pairs of eyes peering into each other. None of you wants to acknowledge it but it grows persistent. With your heart feeling like it’s being chained down to an anchor, you step away from him. “Sorry, can you give me a minute? It might be important.”

“Sure.” Eren’s eyes don’t give you the permission you need but his smile does, no matter how forged it seems.

You return to your purse, snatching your phone with one hand, and take a glance at the caller ID.

It’s Armin.

Your heart palpitates hard. Not sure if it’s because you’re thrilled to have him call you again after all this time staying in the dark, or because Eren is there and he’s close enough to hear the conversation you’re going to have with him. Pressing the phone against your chest, you move away to the living room before you answer it.

Eren raises a brow but that’s it. The rest of his expression is too guarded and you don’t have the time to decipher every bit of it yet. Without asking questions, he makes his way to the fridge, grabbing the ingredients he needs to make his special dinner for two.

You take a seat on the couch, inhaling deeply before you answer the call. “Armin, hi,” you speak so quietly you’re almost whispering to the phone.

“Hey…” His honeyed voice never changes, still so light and pleasing to listen to. “Bad timing?”

“No. It’s fine. I just, uh, I just got home. What’s up?”

There’s a pause that makes you wonder whether he’s staying mute because he’s hesitating on what to say or whether he can tell by how nervous you are that you’re not alone in your apartment. Either way, Armin doesn’t stay voiceless for long. “I’m sorry for not… seeing you in a while…”

Your heart jerks. You whirl your head to the side, catching a glimpse of Eren’s back as he chops down some green onions. He doesn’t seem to pay you any attention and you let out a breath, slightly relieved as you lean your back against the couch. “It’s okay…” You speak to the phone with your lips breaking into a delicate smile. “Is everything all right with you?”

“Yeah. Everything’s fine. I just—” You can hear him take a shaky breath. “I just really missed you.”

You’re treating Armin like a best friend you’ve always wished to have, but you know he’s not treating you the same way. It’s written clearly in his voice that he has missed you as something more than a friend he shares his favorite books with. The yearning, the aching he holds for you… Maybe it’s wise for you not to indulge him but you can’t lie to yourself. Even when it’s not the same as how you felt when Eren wasn’t around, you did miss him. You still miss him. And Armin deserves your honesty. “I’ve missed you too, Armin…”

There’s a quiver in the breath he releases. “I want to see you…”

“I want to see you too.”

“So… So badly…“ His voice breaks. “You don’t know how much I want to be there with you right now…”

There’s something different about him. Instead of the usual nervous, easily flustered, young boy Armin Arlert, what stands in his shoes right now is a man with a broken heart. He’s honest to his soul, tired of building walls around him to keep his emotions hidden from the world.

“Armin?” You sew your eyebrows together in concern. “Are you okay?”

He takes a moment to himself, desperate in trying to stay composed. When he returns to his phone, his voice sounds firmer. “I’d like to take you out tomorrow.”

“T-tomorrow?” It seems like the roles are reversed. You’re the one who’s easily surprised and nervous about everything. You take another look at Eren, stammering, “Oh, umm… I—”

“Please?” Armin begs. “I know it’s so sudden but… tomorrow is my birthday and I—“

“What?!” You gasp, your jaw turns slack. “I thought you said your birthday was on Christmas Eve!”

“Well, I—“ There’s guilt in his voice. “I lied. I didn’t want you to make a big deal out of it, so…”

“Armin…” You sigh. “You should’ve told me.”

“Please don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad, I’m—” You catch yourself. “I just wish you told me. I haven’t bought you any gift.”

“You don’t have to get me anything.”

“No, but I want to. You’ve given me so much, I wanted to give you something special in return for your birthday. I thought it was still months away…”

Armin can sense the sadness and disappointment in your voice, you can tell. “Then just come with me tomorrow. Please…” His plea comes out in a whisper. “Even if it only just for a few hours, I… I really want to spend my birthday with you…”

Your heart breaks. Has he ever sounded this lonely before? Your eyes drift back to Eren once again, your mind running through multiple scenarios at once. If you decline his invitation, Armin is definitely going to distance himself away from you, even worse than he already is now and you don’t want to lose your best friend. If you say yes, you’ll make him happy. You can probably fix whatever it is that’s falling apart between you, but then…

How is Eren going to feel about that? You’ve stated many times before that you wouldn’t return Armin’s feelings for you, but if you were in his shoes, you would still worry about it, wouldn’t you?

“It’s…” Armin’s voice sounds like he’s speaking in a distance. “It’s okay if you say no…”

You must have taken too long to think about this. With a heavy heart, you decide to go with, “Can I call you again later? I need to—” You swallow hard. “I need to check on something first.”

“Huh? Oh... Okay…” The despondency lays thick in his voice, to the point that you almost hurriedly say yes to his offer.

“In a minute,” you promise him. “I’ll call you again in a minute.”

He stays mute for a few seconds before a weak, “Okay,” makes it to the other line.

“Okay… Bye.” You tap your thumb on your phone, ending the call, and watch his name disappear from the screen. You close your eyes, exhaling heavily.

What am I going to do?

Eren, noticing your footsteps closing in, stops his hands from slicing more bell peppers. He turns around to face you. “I’m hoping that wasn’t your boss?” He tries to lighten up the mood with a smile but your lips feel too heavy to mirror the action. “What?” His eyebrows are knitted in concern as he sees the way your face turns pensive. “Something wrong?”

“It was Armin.”

Silence strikes like a hurricane and you wonder if it was better to lie about it. No, it’s not. Telling lies would never solve a problem and Eren deserves better than to hear one.

“Oh…” is his only response. There’s sadness in his voice that may not sound too vivid to anyone else’s ears since he’s trying his best to cover it, but you notice it, causing your stomach to swirl uncomfortably.

“Yeah…” You fiddle with your fingers. “He’s having his birthday tomorrow and… Well, he asked me to go with him somewhere.”

“I see.” His shoulders slump slightly, attempting a smile even when he can barely meet your eyes. “Well, I think you should go.”

You look up at him from behind your bangs. “You—you do?”

“Yeah, sure.” He nonchalantly shrugs. “He wanted to spend his birthday with you, right?”

“Y-yeah…” You can’t say that his answer doesn’t surprise you. “But, Eren, if you don’t want me to go, I’ll—“

“You should go.” He doesn’t say I want you to go, you notice and that’s when you realize that he hates the thought of letting you go but he’s trying his best to be considerate—to not steal the options away from you.

The heaviness in his voice still makes you feel restless. “Will you come with me?” You know it’s out of the line to ask him without Armin’s permission, but you can’t stop yourself.

Eren goes stiff but only for a split second before he melts into another smile that seems so forced, it nearly makes you flinch. “I wasn’t invited, Sweetheart.”

“You’re his friend too. I don’t think Armin would mind—”

“I think he would.” His tone turns a little bit colder but not bitter. “It’s okay. Just go and have fun.”

You bite the inside of your cheek, your chest tightening in discomfort. “But you said you wanted to take me to the beach tomorrow.”

“It can wait. Unlike him, I can take you out anytime I want. Armin only gets to celebrate his birthday once a year.” He chuckles once, dedicating himself to act better to assure you. “Really, it’s okay. I’ll be here and wait until you get home. You know, just hang around, play some games. Maybe jack-off a little when I get too bored.” He throws you a flirty wink.

You deeply scrutinize his face, not convinced in the slightest. You want him to tell you how he truly feels about this but you’ve pushed hard enough and Eren is devoted to keeping his feelings concealed. And, well, Eren’s right. Armin only gets to celebrate his birthday once a year and he chose to celebrate it with you.

“Then…” you finally say with a timid smile. “I guess I’m gonna take his offer.”

Eren nods. “As you should.”

“I won’t stay out too long, I promise.”

“Good, ‘cause I don’t want to miss you too much,” he says with a boyish grin but it lacks the warmth it used to have. “Anyway, just realized we’re running out of sugar. I’ll head downstairs to buy some.”

You blink twice, caught off guard but when he’s starting to walk away, you quickly chase after him. “Wait, I’ll go with you.”

“No, it’s fine.” Eren casts a smile, dragging open the door with one hand. “I’ll be quick.”

“But Eren—“

You’re answered by the dull sound of a closing door. You have one hand stretched out, hanging in the air before it returns powerlessly to your side. Your head throbs, your heart aches and as you make your way back to the kitchen, you notice one thing.

You still have a full jar of sugar sitting on your counter.

***

Eren is out of your sight but he doesn’t leave right away. Instead, he enjoys the silence that the hallway of your building provides him as he leans his spine against your closed front door. He shuts his eyes, his skull making a dull thud as it knocks lightly against it.

What am I doing?

Honestly, he hates what he’s doing. But Armin is your best friend, and he knows how much you cherish him. Eren doesn’t want to be awful to you; doesn’t want to be too possessive over you that he wouldn’t allow you to meet another man just because you’re together with him. He’s not like that. He’s not going to be that guy.

He doesn’t have any reason to be jealous. He believed you when you said nothing was going on between you and Armin, he still does but… It doesn’t mean he can completely be fine handing you over to someone else to spend a special day together.

Someone who’s much better than him too.

Stop it, he states firmly in his head, curling his fingers into balls of fists. She said she loved you. She said she wouldn’t answer his feelings, so just keep a blind eye to it. This won’t change anything.

Eren sighs into the air.

I hope it won’t change anything.

***

“Eren…”

You lay a hand gently on his shoulder, cold fingers pressing against his warm skin. He’s still lying down on his stomach, bundled in a thick blanket. He’s wearing nothing but his lounge pants as he always finds it uncomfortable to wear shirts to bed. His long hair is untied, tousled from sleep. He looks younger like this, deep in serenity, far away from the fame and the traumatic past that puts a heavy weight on his shoulders. “Eren, wake up…” You shake him lightly, enough for his eyebrows to furrow before a pair of stunning jade green eyes come into view. “Hey…” You cast him a smile, carding your fingers gently through his hair. “Sorry, I had to wake you up.”

He mumbles incoherently, his words almost too slurry for you to catch on but you manage. “What time is it?” he questions.

“Eight-thirty. It’s still a bit early but I’m leaving in ten minutes.”

He pushes himself off the bed, weak and lazy. You fix his blanket to cover his body, worried that he might catch a cold. With eyes squinting to adjust to the morning sunlight, he takes a look at your appearance. “Why are you so pretty?”

You almost laugh. “I’m not.” He’s the one who looks so pretty, effortlessly so. Eren doesn’t wear makeup much even when he’s on stage since he already looks so handsome without it. They just need to style his hair and that’s it. He’s perfection from the start. “I’ve made you some pancakes and poached eggs,” you tell him. “Eat them before they get cold. There’s some orange juice in the fridge. You can have my pudding if you want to.”

His brain hasn’t functioned properly yet but as he rubs his eyes away from sleep, he mutters, “Okay…”

You nibble on your lower lip. Somehow, a huge part of you still doesn’t want to let him stay in your apartment by himself. But you have to go. You know you have to. So you lean in to place a soft kiss on his temple. “I promise I won’t be long.” You stroke his cheek. “I’ll be back home before you know it.”

Eren’s eyes are still a bit hazy but he nods. You give him a light kiss on the lips before you climb down the bed. He reaches out a hand to grab yours, stopping you on your tracks. “Eren?”

“Five minutes,” he says. “Give me five minutes to wash my face. I’ll drive you.”

“Huh? Oh, no, you don’t have to. Armin is picking me up with his car. He’s already on his way.”

“Then, I’ll walk you downstairs.”

��Eren—“

“Please.”

His eyes don’t plead, nor the tone of his voice, but they leave you speechless, nonetheless. With your heart feeling like it’s being squeezed tightly, you nod your head.

***

Your walk down to the lobby with Eren matching your steps from the side happens with a very little amount of words being exchanged and an endless excruciating silence. Eren’s hands are buried deep in the pockets of his grey hoodie, his eyes droopy but not bleary from sleep. He holds the elevator door open for you and you toss him a smile as a form of gratitude, one that he refuses to see. Keeping his eyes away from making contact with yours, Eren leans his head against the steel sheet, his eyes turn vacant as his face grows pensive. You’re in dire need to find a conversation that could ease the tension, but every time a word form insides your head, it never finds its way to your lips.

He’s upset.

He’s clearly not okay with this.

Maybe I shouldn’t go.

But I already promised Armin I’d see him.

God, why does this have to happen now? We were doing so well with each other.

“Hey,” Eren’s call yanks you back to reality. He has his index finger pressed against the button, holding the door open for you. “Aren’t you going to step out?”

Get a grip on yourself. “Yeah, sorry.” You walk past the frame with Eren following your steps soon after.

“You seem distracted,” he says, tucking his hands inside his pockets again as he walks next to you. He sneaks glances to observe your expression but he never lets his eyes linger long enough for you to notice. “Are you okay?”

You resist the urge to look at him. “I’m fine. Are you?”

“I’m fine.” His tone doesn’t give you a hint of his true feelings and it frustrates you. You’re on the verge of stopping on your tracks when you take a step outside your building, wanting to confront him about it—whether he’s okay with everything because you really don’t want to make him worry over something that he shouldn’t have worried about. Stepping off the stairs, you turn to face him. “Eren—”

A car—Armin’s car—drives close, stopping at the side of the road, just a few meters away from you’re standing. Eren looks up, face turning solemn but again, more guarded than ever. “He’s here,” he tells you, but you don’t turn around to greet the person you’ve been wanting to see in the last few weeks. You keep your eyes on the person that matters. Eren’s teal ones slowly drift back to yours as Armin turns off the engine. He weakly smiles. “You should go.”

Please don’t look at me like that, you want to say. Don’t look at me like I’m breaking your heart. “Eren,” there’s desperation in your voice and you know he’s aware of that too. “You don’t have to worry about this. Armin and I—” Your breath catches in your throat when Eren suddenly walks forward, moving past you. You can hear him greet Armin behind you, a little of his chuckles erupting in the air.

You clutch a hand against your heart, hoping it could tear away the invisible hand that’s been squashing it tightly.

You spin around to see Armin turning pale, his sapphire eyes growing wide in shock. “E-Eren…” He gapes. “W-why are you—I’m surprised to see you here.”

“Yeah…” The brunette rubs the back of his head. His smile is polite and a bit awkward, a perfect facade to lie his way through the conversation. “I wanted to pick her up for breakfast but she said she had plans with you.”

“Oh…” Armin drags his eyes to the side, finding their way to your face. “Y-yeah, we, umm… I was going to take her out for breakfast too.”

“Ah, right.” Eren’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes but Armin is too baffled to notice. “Well, she’s all yours since you already made plans with her first. I heard that it’s your birthday today?” The golden-haired man hasn’t found the proper words to speak when Eren congratulated him on it. “Have a blast today, man.”

You’ve been staying mute all the time, fully knowing that you’re going to make the situation a hundred times more awkward than it already is if you intervene. It’s when Eren steps back, gesturing you to come close with yet another smile that you brave yourself to greet him. “Hey, Armin. You’re right on time.” You step closer, avoiding making eye contact with Eren and focusing more on making your smile seem genuine to the other man.

Armin moves his eyes from you and Eren, silently scrutinizing. You can tell how he grows even more suspicious by the second, most likely wondering whether you two had spent the night together for Eren to be wandering this early around your neighborhood.

Wanting to divert his attention, you nudge your head toward the direction of his car. “Shall we go?” You don’t wait for his answer, already making your way forward.

“Huh? Oh—” He follows you as you barely give him any choice to stay. Armin whirls his head around to take a glance at the musician and Eren hides his hands inside the pockets of his hoodie again, hoping that it would be enough to conceal the way his nails are sinking deep into his palms.

“Take care of her for me, Arlert,” he says, maintaining his smile. Armin, no matter how restless and uncertain he is, answers timidly with a nod.

Eren keeps his eyes on you as you step inside the car, but you never look back. You’re too anxious, afraid that you’d witness the pain he tries to hide behind those eyes. Even when Armin steps one foot on the engine, you never do.

And Eren is standing there on the side of the road, leaning his back against the streetlamp’s pole. He watches as the car drives away and he keeps his lips pressed tightly until they turn white.

Seriously…

What the hell am I doing…?

***

Time seems to slow down. The universe stands still as Eren lets his eyes linger on the ceiling of your living room. It's funny how silence never seemed to strike as something unbearable, but an old friend that he grew to welcome ever since his mother walked away from his life. Silence gave him solitude. Silence gave him peace of mind. But right now… Right now, silence equals loneliness and loneliness… Well, nobody wants to be alone. Eren thought he was different, but ever since he knew how it felt like to spend every precious hour with you, he realized he wasn’t. Maybe he even dreads being alone now.

He hasn’t done much in the past few hours, his thoughts too clouded to function. It’s only his chest that’s making a constant motion, heaving up and down, slow and steady as he lies down on the couch; one hand draping over his stomach, his other one dangling around the edge. He only heeds to his surrounding once the sun starts stepping its way down the stairs, waiting for the moon to reclaim its throne. You’ve been gone since morning, and during those times, his thoughts constantly revolve around the questions he’s been trying to turn a blind eye to.

Where does he take you? What are you doing now?

Is he making you smile in the way I never did?

Making you feel in the way I never did?

When you come home to me later, will I still be the only one in your mind?

Eren trusts you. He trusts you with all his heart, more than anyone else in the world, and if you say you love him, he takes your words for it. It’s just… It’s not impossible to be in love with two people at once, he concedes with a sigh, closing his eyes. And Armin… Armin is the kind of person that can be loved easily. He can offer you a million reasons for you to love him, and a million reasons why he should love you. Unlike him.

It’s like another soul is residing within him, someone whose voice turns vehement when he’s sinking too deep in his past. And the more Eren listen to it, the more it makes sense.

What if I only get to be with her because I met her first?

What if I didn’t?

What if Armin was the one who stayed with you from the beginning, and I only just walked in now by coincidence?

Will you still love me? Will you even notice me?

Eren hates himself for not being able to find the answers. And he knows you’ll hate this part of him too if you know what’s been crossing his mind. But he can’t help it. The fear of being abandoned is always there, and it will never change. When he’s with you, he’s cured. He doesn’t give in to his other part. You’re his medication, an addicting drug but once you’re gone, he’ll fall back into relapse. And the more silence befriends him, the bigger his fear is taking shape in his head.

Maybe the reason why she isn’t brave enough to take a further step in our relationship is that she’s still unsure of her feelings. Unsure of her feelings for me.

Or maybe she’s in love with Armin too and she’s taking her time to sort her thoughts.

Then… Who will she choose?

Now that they’ve become close again, is it still gonna be me she’ll pick in the end?

Eren stands up from his seat, his jaw clenching hard. Shut up, you idiot. Just shut up and don’t think.

He moves toward the window, his silhouette painted by the sunset. He watches the brown leaves detach themselves from the trees, carried by the wind before it falls helplessly to the concrete pavements. As his eyes follow, he notices that Armin’s car has been parked on the side of the road. His heart jerks. They’re here, he thinks with a hammering heart, how long have they been standing there?

Eren takes a step closer, his palm pressing against the glass as he watches intently. Even from the third floor, he can see the way Armin smiles fondly at you. He’s in deep conversation with you, his hair seeming golden underneath the light. He laughs a little over something you say, a pair of shy, sapphire blue eyes peeking from behind his bangs as he’s too diffident to meet your gaze. He’s a boy with a heart too innocent for the world to ruin, and it’s pure the way he loves you, his gaze untainted.

Eren feels his chest tightening, his nails sinking into his palms. From where he’s standing, he can’t see your face, witnessing only the way your hair is half-tucked inside the collar of your coat. But when you press your palm gently on Armin’s cheek, Eren sees it. When you circle your arms around his neck, pull him closer until he envelopes you with all his warmth, Eren sees it.

And when Armin’s thin lips meet your softer ones, Eren sees it too.

***

Next Chapter

A/N:

Guys, I'm so sorry it's 24k long 😭 I was also rushing a little bit to meet my deadline so I'm so sorry if there are a lot of grammatical errors in this chapter 😭😭😭

Also, this chapter includes the angry sex scene that anon requested. congratulations for making the right guess about Mikasa. I hope you like the scene, anon! ❤️ I tried my best not to make him sound toxic, i hope it works 😭

SUPER HUGE thanks to @justasketch for being such a thorough reader. like man, the way you always managed to notice the smallest details I forgot to put in. I LOVE YOU BRO SERIOUSLY

Tagging: @tasteless @l6ffys @vivi-et @halparkebitch @fwess @littlemochi @thebeardedmoon @luvtaromilktea @didiyogo @xximthefoolxx-blog @coyloves @erenbean​ @tehehebri @infnteen @naiomiwinchester @spiderlingh @doyochii @ahornyenby @jeagersruletheworld @sakurashell @indiecursor @the-princess-button @resonancesoul @link-avalon thanks so much for reading, lovelies! Let me know what you think ❤️

[chilumi-shipper]

Ready to Let Go

Xiao x Adeptus!Fem!Reader (x Zhongli)

Summary: Zhongli loves you, Xiao loves you, You love Xiao. Seems as though, in the eyes of everybody else, Zhongli was gonna be a problem within your relationship with your fellow adeptus. He would never do that though, not to you, not to Xiao. For the first time, the vigilant yaksha seems happy, and you seem more carefree the moment you two are starting to get close to one another. Zhongli would never trade your happiness for the sake of his own, and that's why, he's ready to let go.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

The God of War, flaunting over one of his very own dearest adeptus, if Guizhong saw him right now, she would've laughed at how much he jumped and flaunted over you whenever you were in his presence.

But love is complicated, he could say he loves you with a burning passion, yet it can never change the fact that you had fell for another, no matter how much Zhongli might push through, you will choose to be embraced within the arms of your true beloved, Xiao.

Neither you nor him ever said anything to confirm the nature of your relationship, but Zhongli felt it, the connection between you and the adeptus was so much more than just two people who used to work along side each other. You and Xiao, he's known both of you for millennias, you're not really the greatest with expressing emotions.

Zhongli was never one to fight reality, in fact he accepted it with open arms, having no care for the pain it might bring.

But just this once, he let's himself drift to a false hope, perhaps you only see Xiao as a friend, that in actuality you tell him the feelings that you're too scared to say to your Archon. But every time Zhongli dreamt like that, he can't help but see Xiao, sadness clouding over him, it slaps the brown-haired man in the face.

He can't do that to Xiao. The poor boy, tormented his entire life, but today, he may very well be bearing a smile on his face, with you around him, with you loving him.

He was sitting between you two, in a table in Wangshu Inn's restaurant area, the light atmosphere was calming.

It was supposed to be a nice get together, yet Zhongli felt irritated. The way your gaze lingers past him and onto the person of your interest as you spoke about how you tried cooking mortal food recently. How you seem to take into account every expression and response Xiao would give, but pay no mind to Zhongli at all.

You weren't being rude and ignoring him the whole time, in fact, you make eye contact with him from time to time, to see if he's understanding you. But Zhongli felt peeved, why couldn't you look at him the way you looked at Xiao?

"I really like cooking actually!" You exclaimed, the cat-eyed adeptus smiling softly while listening to your rambles, his elbow resting on the table, while his chin leans on his hand. That makes Zhongli feel even worse for having such feelings for you, just looking at the small but genuine smile on Xiao's face as he admires you.

"Xiao?" You softly called out to him, clasping your hands together. The adeptus gave a hum in response. "There's this recipe I found called "Tofu Cookies with Almonds", I was hoping you could help me taste test them when I try baking for the first time?" Your voice gets quieter the more you say. Zhongli found it adorable when you get shy, yet he can't help but feel a nauseous felling eating away at his skin, you didn't invite him.

The waitress puts the food you all ordered on your table before Xiao answers. Zhongli looked into your eyes, seeing the nervousness as you anxiously wait for an answer.

"Okay."

Golden orbs then looked at Xiao, seeing he's looking away from you, his ears red from embarrassment. Yet even when he tried to hide it, the Archon can feel his giddiness from miles away.

Zhongli can't help but look back and forth, seeing your eyes light up with happiness because of Xiao's answer. "Thank you so much!" You smiled brightly, proceeding to put some food onto your plate to start eating.

In all this, Zhongli felt as though he didn't have a place. Perhaps you were overjoyed that you didn't look at the fact that you completely discarded him, but someone else noticed.

"Mora- Zhongli can join us too, he's good at taste testing food." Xiao looks at you, before looking at the taller man. "I think." Zhongli then nodded, agreeing with Xiao's statement.

He knows he shouldn't, he knows that he just let the two of you resolve your feelings together, just the two of you. Yet he can't, for once in his life, he feels that it's too hard to let go.

The two looked at you expectantly, despite you making it obvious that you wanted to spend some time with Xiao alone, Zhongli hoped that maybe, just this one occasion, you'll let him intervene with your growing relationship. It's selfish, it's pointless, but just this once.

You smiled, "Okay."

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

"Mr. Zhongliiii!" You burst in the funeral parlor, calling out to him. "You have to help me." The man got up from his seat immediately, worried.

"What happened?!" He asked in a panic.

You looked down onto the book in your hands, the man did the same, looking at a book that has a very interesting title.

'The Art of Romance: For Newbies.'

What?

Usually, if you were to come to him with a book like that in hand, he would have laughed and teased you, eager to see your embarrassed state. Yet, Zhongli felt nothing but hopelessness, you putting in so much effort for someone else, meaning he really has no chance, does he?

"I need to you to help me look for a really nice dress. Like really, really nice! Oh but not too nice, since we're baking, if I get stains on a dress, he might think I'm sloppy. Oh, but if it's too simple, he'll probably think that I don't really care. Ohhh, but I don't want to seem like I care too much--" You looked up at him, rambling on and on about what you're supposed to wear for tomorrow. "It says here that if the person thinks you're too desperate, they might think it's weird." You pointed at the book that you're holding, bring it closer to his face.

Zhongli gently grabbed your hands that are clasped around the book. "If you're worried about Mora, I already have some on me." You peaked your head from behind the book, looking at the brown-haired man's serious face.

"Him?" Zhongli completely ignores your ramblings, only focused on one thing you said. You're worrying so much about what to wear, just to make a good impression to him.

You felt your cheeks heat up as he looks at you with a frown on his face. You laughed a bit to ease the tension, scraching the nape of your neck.

"Xiao..." He's mentally prepared himself for this moment, you would come to him, ask for advice since you knew him as a very cultured man, and you would confess your love, for someone else. And yet, hearing it come from your own lips seem to crack the barriers of his heart with just one word.

Despite the tears wanting to just slip out of his golden orbs, he smiled at you. "I've always sensed your feelings towards him." His words fluster you even more, you didn't realize it was so obvious, but Zhongli was a very observant person, maybe it was just that.

"Do you wish to impress him tomorrow? That's why you're so... jumpy today?" You nodded, feeling embarrassed that you are worried about this sort of thing. Usually, only mortals are prone to these types of worries.

"Y/N, Xiao doesn't care about those trivial things. You just have to be yourself." He told you as a matter of fact.

'Besides, the Yaksha already is making it obvious that he likes you back.' Zhongli kept this thought internally.

"But what if he doessss." You whine, gripping on the book tighter. "Xiao is just so.... Xiao! So unpredictable and complicated." Sighing, you looked up at the man again. "Can you help me, please?"

Zhongli sighed, although it hurts him to help dress you up so pretty, just to send you off to another man, but he'll bite. How could he ever say no to you.

After hours of rummaging through your closet, you finally, finally find something that's actually good in your eyes, even though Zhongli assured you that everything would be fine.

The dress of your choice has Xiao's colors, white, gold, mint green. You really are some piece of work, piece of work that doesn't belong to him.

Zhongli just kept sighing as he walked back to the funeral parlor, he's conflicted, which usually doesn't happen. Is he just gonna leave you two alone for tomorrow with some lousy excuse, or... get in the way.

As he got to the entrance of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, he saw Xiao, sitting on a bench just outside. The cat-eyed boy sensed Zhongli's presence, standing up and looking at his way immediately.

The brown-haired man walked up to him, silently asking why he's here all of a sudden, in the city, which also doesn't happen very often.

"Can you help me?"

Oh boy, here we go again.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

"You don't have to straight up lie if you don't like her treats, you can just give polite comments, like saying you're not really a big fan of them or something." Zhongli explained once again, it was the dead of night. Xiao had asked to help with how he should talk to you, he's not very talkative and expressive, but he doesn't want to make you feel like he doesn't like you.

"But that might also hurt her feelings." The Yaksha pointed out, listening intently to the older man.

"Yes, but she will appreciate the truth rather than a pointless lie."

He just needs help expressing his feelings right.

And Zhongli seeing how you two desperately try to be the best you can for one another, it makes him smile, despite the constant heart ache. And the realization that he has no chance for you, with the evidence right in front of him, Zhongli makes his decision...

He's ready to let go.

"I'm not gonna be joining you two tommorow."

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Alternative Ending: Ready to Hold On - Reader chooses not to choose and start a polyamory relationship.

[vi-trying-to-survive]

Literally in love with your page haha.

Would I be able to request Stephen strange x fem reader who stutters sometimes please.

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Stuttered Love

Stephen Strange x f!Reader

Warnings: None, this is all fluff 💖💖💖 ~ unless you count awkward Stephen & (Y/N) 😢

Summary: (Y/N) wants to tell Stephen how she feels but the words don't always come out how she wants them to.

A/N: I hope you like it!! And if any of you have any ideas you want me to write out, please leave a request I love writing them out 💖💖💖

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Throwing her head into her hands, she let out a frustrated groan, sliding them down her face to look at the taller man who stood sliding worn, leather-covered books onto aged, wooden shelves, "why is this so hard?".

He turned towards her, stopping his work, giving her an exasperated look, his lips pulled into a frown, "you'll never know unless you try (Y/N)", moving closer to put a hand over her shoulder, his face softening sympathetically at the look of defeat the sorceress was giving him, "but I believe in you, ... I mean if you learned magic, how much harder could this be", moving back to his cart that still held large piles of books on it.

Straightening herself slightly, she grinned hopefully at him, "yeah, you're right, I can do this", rising from her seat at one of the tables, she dug around in her pocket, stopping when her fingers found the cool, metal with intricate carvings along its surface, "I mean we're both accomplished individuals, there's zero reason for me to start stuttering when he's talking to me". Sliding the Sling Ring onto her fingers, she raised her hands to start forming the blazing ring that would take her to the building that she now called home in New York, but froze when she heard a familiar voice accompanied by footsteps coming closer.

"Hey Wong, I was wondering if the library has any books on inter-dimensional travel", the new sorcerer supreme, called out as he walked into the small space, eyes lost in the pages of a thick book he held in his hands. (Y/N) spun her head to the Asian man next to her, eyes wide in fear, pleading for help. Unfortunately he quickly proved to be useless to her cause , as he responded, "Let me just check quickly", holding his hand up to stop Stephen from following, bringing him back to reality, "you wait here, I'll only take a few minutes", giving the almost-trembling woman a stern look, imploring her to tell him how she felt.

As Wong's steps slowly faded out of earshot, he surveyed the room, gaze quickly falling on the woman who stood before him, anxiously fidgeting with her fingers while biting the edge of her lip. He couldn't help but admire the way strands of hair had slipped out of her ponytail, framing her face as the light from the afternoon sun shone gently on her, giving her a celestial glow. Realizing that he may have been staring too long, he subtly cleared his throat, "hello (Y/N), what time did you get here?".

His question made her shift her gaze onto his eyes for a few seconds, admiring the soft blue hue of his eyes, before abruptly looking away, "I- I um- about 10- I think-", she stammered out, mentally slapping herself for making herself sound so nervous, not that she wasn't. Panicking she tried to continue the conversation, wishing that there was someone that could give her better advice on how to do this, feeling like a teenager again, she gathered up all her courage, "so- wha- why- um- interdimensional travel?". Waves of terror splashed around inside of her, she had been so close, the words just at the tip of her tongue, her voice screamed and thundered behind the grin that she put on.

His eyes lit up as her question drifted through the air, less because of his passion for it, but more so because this seemed to be one of the rare instances that she had spoken to him, which was odd considering the fact that they had both lived together in the same, aged brick building for the past few months.

When Wong had first suggested the possibility of another sorcerer at the New York sanctum, he was against it, but after the events of their latest battle, he felt that having someone else there would help put him to ease. What he wasn't expecting was the soft-spoken, intelligible woman that met him at the foyer, glancing around warily as she stepped out of the blazing, auburn colored ring. He had noticed her even when in Kamar-Taj, admiring how she easily understood the hidden meaning behind the Ancient One's words, performing spells without struggle or difficulty, but his confidence failed him at the time, still trying to comprehend the possibility of everything happening around him, so he chose to marvel at her from the sidelines. So, it was safe to say that he was more than pleased to see that she was the sorceress chosen to assist him in protecting the city that never sleeps, only to be disappointed at her supposed lack of interest in him.

Snapping himself back to the present, he mirrored her smile, moving closer to her frame that was leaning against the side of a table, so that they were a few inches away from each other, taking her hand in his confidently, "how about I tell you over dinner?".

Her eyes grew as wide as saucers, as her smile faded, not expecting his response at all, heart pounding so forcefully that it was threatening to burst out at any second, she found herself unable to form proper sentences, her mind going into overdrive.

Her lack of an answer, started to make him doubt himself, wondering if he had made the wrong move. Trying to correct his mess, he began to stutter out, "if you don't want to it's fine- but that doesn't mean I won't tell you what I'm working on-", his eyes pleading that she wouldn't think much of it, letting go of her warm hand, allowing the cold to envelope his, "I mean I have to, ... we are supposed to protect the New York sanctum together".

His panic and rapid words were quite a scene to her, mostly seeing him calm and composed, which startled her into opening her clamped mouth, forcing the words out, "I- I like- I like you Stephen', practically praying that he hadn't changed his mind already, as she desperately clutched at his hand again.

His outpour of words stopped at her reply, his whole body relaxing at those simple words, as he found his smile once again, watching as she matched it, the edges of her mouth curving upwards. Pulling her closer to him, bending his head down to whisper into her ear, sending chills down her spine, "I like you too", hand trailing along the side of her face, to tilt her chin up to look at him, "is it ok if I-", being cut off as she pressed her lips to his, quickly responding, moving his arms to encircle her waist as she grasped his neck gently.

A loud groan startled the pair, forcing them to break the kiss, turning around to see Wong, returning from the deeper archives. “Do you know how long I was waiting for you two the finish?”, he sighed, rubbing his fingers across his eyes exasperatedly, “It was like watching two teenagers in a terrible rom-com”.

Covering her face with the palms of her hands to hide the crimson tint that shaded her skin, pressing herself further towards his, embarrassment burning into her. Protectively he wrapped his arms around her tighter, resting his chin on her head, sighing, "it wasn't that bad".

Rolling his eyes as he placed the thick, dusty books on the table with a heavy thud, "It definitely was", he teased, having witnessed the whole thing as he waited in the back, giving his friend the space she needed to confess, not realizing that it was going to take much longer than he expected.

Stephen hurriedly gathered up the books that he asked for and dragged the woman attached to his side out along with him, leaving their friend in the library, still laughing at the pair's predicament from earlier on. As he slowed their pace, she raised her head from where it was buried at his side, to lean tenderly on his shoulder as they walked. "So, where do you want to have dinner tonight?", he questioned, giving her an inquisitive grin, that made her beam at his, standing on the tips of her toes, to place a gentle kiss on his cheek.

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[theycallme-thejackal]

midge having a nightmare ab lenny oding/arrested/something and has a panic attack so abe calls lenny (or something if thats too much, im sorry)😭😭

Pairing: Lenny Bruce & Midge Maisel Rated T Warnings: Mentions of Drug Use, Panic Attack

"'lo?" He grumbles into the phone, swiping at his face.

"Lenny, good, you're up."

"Well I wasn't," he grouses, picking up his watch from the nightstand. "Abe, it's three o'clock. I told you, start writing down your late night ruminations."

"It's Miriam." Lenny bolts upright at that, immediately moving to grab his discarded pants.

"Is she okay? What happened? Is she hurt?"

"She's not hurt, but she's been running around the kitchen for the last hour, muttering 'he's fine' over and over again. She's cooking fish. Fish, Lenny! At three in the morning! I can't get her to talk to me, and Rose took a Seconal, so we won't be hearing from her until June - "

Lenny goes to grab his shirt, and the phone cord brings the base clattering to the ground. "Fuck!" Lenny shouts. "Abe, I'll be there as soon as I can."

---

Somehow he gets lucky and a cab picks him up within a couple minutes of getting to the sidewalk, putting him in front of his girlfriend's building twenty minutes later.

He dashes into the apartment and straight to the kitchen, where Midge stands in front of the oven, watching whatever it is she's cooking at this ungodly hour. She's wearing her nightgown, her hair is in curlers, and she's visibly shaking.

"Midge?" He breathes from the doorway, and it seems to startle her out of her reverie. When she faces him, he can see she's been crying, and he rushes to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her tightly as she clutches him, sobbing into his shoulder. "It's okay," he whispers, rubbing her back soothingly.

She nods into his neck, but when he goes to release her, she squeezes tighter, so he keeps holding her there. "You're okay," she whispers shakily.

"I'm right here, sweetheart," he promises. "I'm okay." He dips his head to kiss her shoulder.

She finally loosens her grip on him, pulling away and cupping his face in her hands as she looks at him. "I'm so sorry," she whispers through her sniffles.

"What happened, Midge?" He asks quietly.

"I...I had a nightmare," she admits. "And it just felt so real. Like everything we've done in the last few months was the dream, and the dream was the reality, and when I woke up, I couldn't figure out what was real, and what was..."

"Sounds like a hell of a dream," he replies quietly. "Do you wanna tell me about it?"

She shakes her head vigorously, fighting back more tears, and he nods. "Okay, you don't have to," he promises. "Why don't you go back to bed, and I'll clean all this up and meet you in there?"

The head shaking continues. "No," she murmurs. "I don't - I need - "

He nods in understanding. "Well let's at least turn off the oven, then, yeah?"

Midge turns from him but takes his hand, reaching for the oven dial with the other. He's never seen her so visibly shaken before, and it honestly worries him.

A short while later, they lie in bed together, his arms wrapped around her from behind, her fingers laced with his.

"The bag," she whispers into the darkness.

"I threw it out, Midge," he gently reminds her. "I've been clean for three months. I have no intention of going back."

"It just...felt so real. We didn't talk after Carnegie Hall, and you went to California and met someone else, and then you..." She can't even get the words out as she squeezes his hand tighter.

He presses a soft kiss to her hair. "I didn't, Midge. We talked after Carnegie Hall. I got help. I didn't meet someone else - there could never be anyone else. I didn't...leave you." She nods and pulls his arm tighter around herself.

"It felt so real," she repeats.

"I know, sweetheart. But we're okay. We're better than okay."

They both manage to drift off a while later, Lenny's arms wrapped tightly around her.

In the morning, they find that Zelda is already cleaning the kitchen and muttering something in Polish.

Lenny has to go to a meeting with his lawyers, and while he's reluctant to leave her after last night, she insists he should go. He kisses her again before heading down the hallway toward the front door.

"Lenny!" Abe calls from the living room. "Come in here for a minute, will you?"

He looks at his watch and sighs. He has a few minutes. He can have a quick chat with Abe before heading out. He steps into the living room to find Midge's father standing by the couch. "Morning, Abe."

"Thank you for coming last night."

"It was no trouble. You know I'd do anything for Midge."

"I do," he nods. "And that's why I'm giving you my blessing."

Lenny's eyebrows fly to his hairline, and he briefly wonders if this is what a stroke feels like. "Abe, I - "

"Of course, I know you've only been dating for a few months," the older man explains, waving his arms in that very Abe Weissman way. "But I also know you love my daughter. So I am giving you my blessing for whenever the time comes."

"Uh...thanks?" Lenny replies.

"I, of course, reserve the right to rescind said blessing at any time," Abe adds, waving his finger and looking at his daughter's boyfriend pointedly. "But I would rather spend my time with you discussing Guevara and Kennedy and what the hell Bull Connor is doing calling himself a Democrat, so I am getting this conversation out of the way now, and we never have to have this discussion again."

Lenny nods in agreement. "I would love nothing more."

[fict1onallyobsessed]

Kidnapping Craze

Maya Lopez x Reader

Summary - When you get kidnapped, Maya is the first to find out.

Warnings - Mention and description of torture, blood, Maya being protective, fluff at the end

Not my GIF!!

The blood dripped from your mouth, eyes squeezed tight expecting another blow to your face. The chains that basically made you hang from your wrists were tough. Nothing would loosen them.

As expected, the fist of the man came in contact with your cheek. A groan tried to escape your bruised lips, but the blood that won the race muffled any sound attempting to get out.

They have been torturing you for God knows how many hours, recording ever hit they managed to make. The camera right in front of you taunted you, blinking every time you looked at it. You prayed your girlfriend had realised your absence and managed to pin your location as soon as possible, but with every hit they made, the less likely that seemed.

You could feel your consciousness wavering; Eyes closing involuntarily, breathing slowly decreasing, the pain dissolving into something unexplainable.

"Say hi to your girlfriend, (Y/N)." The man laughed, but you barely heard him through the ringing in your ears. He grabbed a fistful of your hair, pulling your head back since he realised you had no strength to do it yourself, and you tried your best to open your eyes. "It's a shame she can't hear you beg for your life."

He had bought the camera directly into your face, so you made direct eye-contact with who you only prayed was Maya on the other side. Then again, you hoped it wasn't. You hope she didn't have to see you covered in your blood, completely weak and powerless.

"I love you." You mouthed, not releasing a sound before he dropped your head. You could no longer keep yourself awake. Whatever happens to you would be painless, since you wouldn't be awake to feel it. Without warning, you slipped into a void of darkness, letting your body go limp before he could hit you again.

Next time you opened your eyes it was because someone was caressing your cheek, the smooth motions of someone's hand bringing you back into reality. You still had no strength to move your body and your hands were still bound by the chains.

Opening your eyes, you met gazes with the one person you hoped wouldn't see you like this. The tears already flowing down her cheeks made you want the ground to swallow you whole.

*Keep your eyes open.* She signed, one of her hands still placed firmly on your cheek. You were glad to see her, to be alive, but the pain your felt across your whole body was something you didn't wish upon your worst enemy. *Keep looking at me.*

You did as she ordered, trying to focus on her face as Kazi appeared behind her. He looked at you before looking at Maya, signing something to her before she nodded. Without warning, she let go of your face and placed her arms on your waist, catching you when Kazi shot the chains from your wrists.

She was quick to untangle them from your hands so that you could move them freely, but you were too weak to even lift up an eyelid. You felt her shuffle before she picked you up, carrying you somewhere you didn't care to ask. You trusted her, and you were glad you were safe in her arms.

You could feel your consciousness drift, and by the time Maya placed you in her car, you were no longer awake. She tried to wake you by gently tapping your cheek, and when she got no response she signed to Kazi telling him that he's driving.

She sat next to you in the back of the car, trying to refrain from letting tears of her own fall. Your body was slumped on her, her arms holding you close so she could keep an eye on your pulse. She couldn't lose you. She's already lost her father because of the group she was in, she wasn't about to lose you too.

*Drive to Tomas*

He obliged, not responding and immediately driving off to meet the one person who always patches up the tracksuits when they're heavily injured.

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You involuntarily groaned as you felt yourself gaining consciousness again. The muscles in your body so sore that you could barely move them. The dim light above you was still too bright, your eyes straining as you attempted to sit up.

When you got used to the light and finally managed to open you eyes, you looked around of any signs of where you were. You remembered everything vaguely, but enough to realise you weren't in that basement anymore, bound to chains.

The bed you were in wasn't familiar to you, and the amount of free space in the room made you feel exposed and alone, until you looked down.

Maya was sitting in a very flimsy chair, her head and hands resting on the end of the bed, her eyes closed in a peaceful slumber. She looked most at peace when sleeping; Not on edge, or watching out for danger, but at genuine peace.

You reached down with all your strength, brushing out a piece of hair that had escaped the braid you had done the morning before. Her eyes opened instantly. She was always a light sleeper, so you weren't surprised.

She sat up in her chair, immediately cupping your face to check your real. Her eyes scanned over your features and you didn't fail to notice how red they were, probably from crying.

*I'm okay* You signed to her, seeing her audibly exhale in relief. When you were unconscious she spend endless hours praying you'd wake up with minimal injuries, and right now she was thanking whatever God listened to her.

*I thought I lost you* Her chin trembled, a gentle sniff escaping her.

*It's okay, I'm here* You signed back, laying back down onto the bed with the security of your girlfriends presence. You looked up at the ceiling, only now feeling how swollen your cheek and eye was.

*I probably look stupid right now.* You smiled as you signed, looking to the side only to be met with her gaze already on you. She smiled gently, shaking her head before leaning to bush a strand of your hair away from your face.

*I love you so much*

You smiled at her, signing a small 'I love you' back before stretching your arms indicating for her to join you in the bed. She didn't hesitate, climbing with you so you could cuddle up to her side and close your eyes. Her hand rubbed reassuringly on your back before she pressed a kiss to your hairline.

The door to the room opened not even 10 minutes later. You opened your eyes and looked towards the sound, Maya following your eyeline to be met with Kazi walking in.

"Good to see you alive* He signed as he spoke to you, grabbing a chair and straddling it, a file in his hands. If it was anyone else to walk through the door, Maya would either kick them out or stand up away from you, but Kazi was one of the small amount of people that Maya felt comfortable with.

"You too" You said back before his gaze turned to Maya.

*We found him* He signed, passing the file to her without hesitation. She unwrapped her arm from you for a moment so she could quickly read through the file, only to shut it a minute later.

*Meet me in 20 minutes* She signed, leaving the bed before grabbing her back and putting the file in it. Kazi did nothing but nod, leaving the room instantly, leaving the two of you alone.

You threw the thin covers off your body and shuffled as painlessly as you could to the edge of the bed. She was rummaging through her bag before she realised that you were sitting on the edge, legs hanging off the bed.

*What are you doing?* She asked, walking the two steps that separated you. She stood between your legs, eyebrows furrowed as to why you weren't laying down.

*Don't leave me here. Please.*

She seemed to think for a while before she pulled you in for a gentle hug. You placed your head in the crook of her neck, arms circling her waist as she kissed your forehead before pulling away. Getting her to leave you all alone would be a workout now. She'd be paranoid about someone getting to you.

*I'll take you to my apartment, but your not allowed to leave. For your safety.*

You nodded and she stepped away, letting you stand on your own feet to let you stretch your muscles. They were still incredibly sore, and she didn't fail to notice the way your face screwed up in discomfort.

She was quick to support you, grabbing your waist so you could stand properly.

*You sure you're good to walk?*

You just nodded, following her out of the room and into her car, hand in hand.

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After she dropped you off, she was gone for 3 hours. She came back with someone else's blood on her face, eyes drooping with tiredness.

She walked into the bedroom, taking off her leather jacket and tossing it onto a chair before walking over to the bathroom. The sound of water pouring then stopping filled your ears. You followed her with your eyes as she walked into the bedroom, heading straight for the bed.

She got comfy next to you, your hands reaching out to push a strand of her hair out of her face.

*What happened?*

*Nothing.* She responded. *I'm just really glad your okay.*

You smiled, and nothing else had to be said. You both inched closer to each other so that she could drape an arm over your torso and gently pull you closer.

You were both glad the other was okay, and all you really needed was your own company.

THE END