#and sometimes i'm like... negative development is a valid thing too

[brujamala-aka-gigi]

sea bunny plushies and random tarot messages

( ( i had to take some time off because life was being too exhausting but now i'm back with my pac readings, missed tumblr so much tbh. ) )

so: pick a sea bunny plushie and let's see what random pieces of advice you can get from the tarot.

number 1 number 2 number 3

number 4 number 5 number 6

꒰ঌ ✦ scroll down for the results ໒꒱ ༘*.ﾟ

-ˋˏ ༻ ❁ Masterpost and Tarot Menu ❁༺ ˎˊ-

images are from pinterest and dividers are by @nicodefresas

reblog if you enjoyed this reading or if you enjoy sea bunny plushies <3

༘⋆♡⸝⸝💌⊹。°˖➴

꒰ BUNNY NUMBER ONE ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

Being overly confident and reliant on thoughts that don’t come from healthy spaces is understandable if you’re in a desperate rush to find stability in your life. But sometimes these ideas will make you unable to move further, especially if moving on involves the questioning of such toxic beliefs. It is quite normal to find comfort in what we already know, but just because something is normalized (on the outside world or on your inner world) it doesn’t mean it’s healthy, or that it’s actually genuine to you. Even if your ambitions are coherent, take time to reflect on how you understand and conceptualize your own struggle and your path to success.

꒰ BUNNY NUMBER TWO ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

Neglecting healthy conversations about your emotions for the sake of other’s comfort is definitely stunting the development of many unrelated matters, not recognizing the importance of preserving your mental and emotional stability, is taking a toll on other aspects of your life. You’re giving away too much of your energy to people and places that won’t make an effort to comprehend the real complexity and validity of your purest emotions. Even if you feel like you’ve recently been too emotional, that won’t be solved by dissociating yourself from something so human and natural as feelings are.

꒰ BUNNY NUMBER THREE ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

This is a great moment to understand that it’s okay if you are not entirely sure on what to do next with your life. Taking the time to rest or taking an entirely new direction is also part of your own life path. Don’t expect answers that will come from outside yourself, you will find more clarity if you focus on building your own spaces of comfort and growth with the resources and people you already have in your life. Don’t look for things that are not meant to find you yet, find the time to take care and nurture what’s already there for you to help you grow.

꒰ BUNNY NUMBER FOUR ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

Even if it is quite undesirable to be in situations where you have to embrace chaos and accept uncertainty, it is helpful to understand that uninterrupted stability eventually begins to feel like stagnation. Situations of conflict are necessary on time to time in order to test the value and strength of anything. It’s key to understand that what’s needed in moment’s of instability is not a toxic sense of optimism and hope, but more so an objective analysis of  what can be done since the problem is giving an opportunity to fix what’s broken and check what could break next.

꒰ BUNNY NUMBER FIVE ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

Your decision taking abilities might be affected by a false sense of urgency on time to time. If your mind is moving too quickly and it seems like there’s only few options where you have to go all in, just know that it’s likely that you are not thinking completely straight. Being paralyzed and stuck on unhealthy thought patterns is keeping you away from seeing the full picture. The overly rationalized insecurities and negative self talk might be unperceivable due to it being incorporated as normal and healthy “self criticism”. Is not, and it’ll affect your life negatively.

꒰ BUNNY NUMBER SIX ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

It’s okay to embrace the simple pleasures in life and feel confident in material success, yet being overly fixated on this will take away many opportunities to develop a deeper perspective on many issues you might be wilfully ignoring. Don’t allow yourself to change your core beliefs in order to appease hedonistic needs, as this will bring you to periods of stagnation. Take the time to establish your priorities and keep them in mind whenever anything feels too good to be true, if you don’t care for your success, nobody else will.

Hey hiii, it's me, Gigi. I hope you enjoyed this reading and you found something helpful or entertaining on it. In all honesty, im so so soo obsessed with those plushies like, i couldn't resist the urge to use them as visuals for this post i dont care how unserious it seems.

anyways, i'm back to being cronically online, my bookings are open so check my tarot menu if you're interested. and my masterpost has all my pac readings so far if you're into them.

if you feel like reblogging and liking this post, i appreciate the shit out of that and i love you.

i think i don't have much else to say, other than hi im back, missed this place so much.

so,,, bye <3 much love, gigi.

[pixelchills]

Chill's ramblings about the DCA fandom and personal feelings and issues towards TSAMS (both positive an negative):

(I'm writing this like an essay but treating it like a diary, so if I jump from subject to another, it is because I am just typing as the thoughts hit my head. Sorry for being so wordy.)

I simply feel like I need to write my thoughts down, so why not share them with you. Maybe you can validate my feelings or something, I don't know.

Intro:

So, oof, I got a fic rec from @thedenofravenpuff and I'm loving it so much I really wanna draw fan art for it...

But the problem is that it's a TSAMS fanfic and I've sworn to my name I'll never draw anything related to the show because that will make me engage with a part of the fandom I'm not comfortable with.

My biggest issue with TSAMS:

I have such complicated feelings towards the show and its fanbase and I do not wish to make my life and work more difficult because of it as it already is.

My own work and characters are already constantly being compared to TSAMS. When I first introduced Solar to my fic, he was constantly being referred to Eclipse from TSAMS. Now that the show had a character with THE SAME NAME, it has been even worse.

Dolldrop Moon has been compared to Lunar. Even though the dolldrops existed before the youtube channel was even created (and Lunar made his debut much later).

The biggest issue I've had has always been the fanbase, that takes the show as the canon for Sun and Moon from FNAF and uses it as an excuse to harass shippers like me because they think Sun and Moon are brothers.

I've first handedly seen the damage the fanbase has done to some of my friends who draw, or have previously drawn art for the show besides their own AUs and personal headcanons of Sun and Moon as lovers. I'm sorry to tag you, but @kriimhild and @fablekitty : I've seen how the immature side of the show's fans have treated you, I am so terribly sorry you've had to defend yourselves over and over again for things that were not meant to be mixed up.

I have posted some ideas of a possible Animutant Moon and Sun forming a polyamorous relationship with Solar in the future of "My Dear Daffodil" on my personal/adult Twitter account. Someone kept commenting on my posts that I was glorifying incest, because Sun and Moon were brothers and Solar was their cousin.

The post had "Animutant" in it. Not "TSAMS". These comments came from a person saying they were 19 in their profile. So it's not just kids who can't tell not every fanwork is about TSAMS. It's starting to be some adults too.

Vice versa I've had another person comment on my very clearly SFW Twitter how they're following me because I am an adult artist who draws TSAMS incest. I have never drawn TSAMS art. I ship Sun and Moon, but they're never related with family bond, because I love presenting them as lovers.

Why I ship Sun and Moon:

Because I am a hopeless romantic. I love romantic love. Every single story I write is always about love.

The only exception to this is the Poppy Playtime comic I am doing. But even then, I was originally planning for a romantic love between Dogday and the Player. Yet, I decided to leave it, and keep the relationship open for any type of representation the reader themselves will prefer.

I used to watch The Sun and Moon Show when it first started airing. I loved their playthroughs. I had a big distaste for them calling each other brothers, as well as some of the first "lore" videos they had. My biggest issue at the time was how Moon treated Sun, though. As someone who grew up with an abusive sibling, it sometimes just hit a bit too hard at home.

But it got better after Eclipse and Lunar appeared. Moon was more caring, and I started to really like his character development. There was one episode where Sun explained to Lunar that he and Moon had simply just "decided" to be brothers, despite not having a canonical relationship.

This actually made me really happy. Because the Old Moon was aroace, the love he felt was simply never meant to be romantic, but platonic. And by making Sun his brother by choice clearly indicated that Sun was always the one he loved the most - in a way that was suitable for aromantic person like him.

And it really made me enjoy the show for a while. Sun is my favourite character, and despite not always liking the way the show presents him, I always feel so much love for him, no matter the AU he is in. So I loved that Moon loved him more than anything, even if it was just platonic. Because I've always been under the impression that the canon Moon loves Sun, and is only under a virus to protect him. For me, the best part of any Sun and Moon AU is to know that Sun is the most important thing to Moon.

Why I stopped watching TSAMS:

And then that Moon I had really started to like, who loved Sun more than anyone else but just platonically, died.

It hurt so much I simply stopped watching the show. I've watched a few episodes here and there after that, but I am having a hard time liking the show the same as I did before.

Partially it's because of the fanbase. Partially it's because I don't find the lore very interesting and some of the stuff a bit repetitive. Partially it's because I am scared to see Sun eventually crumble up into madness, because he has been through so much.

I like the New Moon. He is funny and nice, what I've seen. His relationship with Solar has been interesting, and I genuinely hoped they would've been able to take the romantic route after Moon said he wasn't sure if he was aroace anymore. But as I said, I've only watched a few episodes after the old Moon died, so I don't know either of their characters that much to form any strong opinions about them. I just listen to the Monty and Puppet podcast once in a while and get a little inside to some of the lore that has been happening.

But hey, at least there's fanfics. Which is why I am rambling here today.

Fanfics:

It is a rare treat to find Sun x Moon fanfics that aren't simply just porn, or do not include reader inserts. So since my romance-filled brain needed something to fill the void, I've started reading some TSAMS fics with romance (that wasn't between Sun & Moon) and plot in them.

I know Solar was settled to be a "cousin" to the weird family tree of TSAMS. But I simply crave for Solar and New Moon to be at least queerplatonic. Solar is not from their dimension, no matter how much they decide they're 'cousins' it doesn't make him their real cousin or relative because they're not from the same world.

Sun and Moon are brothers but they technically gave birth to Eclipse, who then created Lunar so Eclipse is technically Lunar's parent and then brother and Lunar is Sun and Moon's brother and... do you see what I'm trying to say?

The family tree is so complicated that I don't think I'm a horrible person for shipping Moon and Solar and reading fics about them. Tell me if I am wrong though.

The FIC that is making me question everything:

So Puffy recommended this fic by @theinfamousdoctorf , "Eclipse Meets His Match".

I'm currently on chapter 40, and I am genuinely surprised how much I am liking this fic so far. It got everything; redemption and character growth, the representation of Sun as the good, glowing angel he is in my mind (for canon, and every AU. He is always perfect in my eyes I love him can you tell lol), slow-burn romance, drama, excitment, plot, jokes and funny moments... even if there are a lot of mentions of sex and sexual pleasure, it doesn't feel out of the place as there is so much more to it too.

Eclipse's redemption to become better and realising he is in love with Sun has been so interesting to follow. Sun deserves the love. I love when Sun is getting loved. I literally ship him with every other animatronic in the games and love it when people ship him with their self-inserts and OCs. Because I love him so much I want him to be loved in every possible universe he is in.

Even bigger bonus to this fic is the second pairing, Solar and Moon, which I already opened up about above. I don't know how much the fic is truthful to the canon lore of the show, but I wish to pretend this fic is the canon now /hj.

I love the characters and how they're written. I love the descriptions of their flaws and hopes and dreams. How vulnerable they can get. How closely they stick together. And as an appreciation for making me tearful and excited about fanfiction in such a long time, I would hope to be able to gift the author some fan art for their fic.

But I've sworn to not draw anything for the show. For my own good. I've got too many awful comments already from the fans of the show despite never doing any art for it. I am just scared it will turn things worse.

End words:

I don't know if creating a new alias would be the right choice. So my main name/account would be spared from the confusion that the show's fans seem to stirr into, where one tsams artwork turns all of the artist' work into tsams.

I don't care if the art style would be recognisible. The artist would be me, but not PixelChills. Just so I could gift something to the author of this fic that is currently saving me from the boredom of being unable to write my own.

Thank you.

(This text has been typed on my phone, so pardon for any typos).

-Chill

[pharawee]

Maybe it's because I don't mind unhappy or open endings, or maybe it's because I had no expectations whatsoever beyond being entertained, or maybe it's because I enjoy detective fiction a lot...

But I genuinely liked Spare Me Your Mercy beginning to end. I enjoyed the characters and the presentations of their struggles, flaws and convictions, and I also don't think that it's a mark of bad writing or narrative structuring when characters are unbending and stand by said convictions. I like how the outcome was inevitable pretty much from the beginning because every character was on a set trajectory. And I also liked how the "big bad" was unveiled/dealt with way before the show was over because Boss was never the real obstacle anyway.

Spare Me Your Mercy was never going to be a romantic thriller driven by character development, and personally I feel it's a bit unfair to judge the show by the standards of a completely different genre. To me it was a morality tale/crime thriller and imo it did a very good job in that regard. Plus, if you take Thai censorship laws/conventions into account it was never going to openly support Kan's approach to euthanasia. It was always going to end with the status quo being upheld. They went about as far as they could, given that this is a mainstream production aired nationally on television. I actually find it very refreshing that they tackled this topic at all, and I really appreciate that they were incredibly nuanced throughout all of it, from the inclusion of a living will (which is indeed a topic that surprisingly few people even know about) to the monk's approach, but also how it showed that loved ones too have every right and the room to disagree.

Because euthanasia shouldn't ever an easy topic. It should be discussed, always, even in countries like Switzerland and the Netherlands where it's already legal.

(This is also ultimately why I sided with Tiu/Wasan instead of Kan because, yeah, Kan did consensually ease the suffering of a lot of people and we as the audience know that he has the highest of moral standards - which is exactly why it's better to channel all of this into starting the democratic process of legalising it. Kan meant well, and maybe Kan was right, but you only need to look to Orn and Boss to see how easy these things go off the rails. Hell, even Kan slipped when he shot Boss in the back, and you can't justify that one at all.)

Plus, in the end I do think that Kan manipulated Wasan as much (or imo even more) as it was the other way around. To me a relationship based on so many fundamental lies was never going to be possible - which also explains the dissonance in their (romantic) behaviour. Attraction is easy (which is why I don't think it's far-fetched at all that they fell for each other) but sometimes love alone just isn't enough.

I won't begrudge anyone their dislike of the show or its characters. I think it's very valid especially given the sensitive nature of what euthanasia should and shouldn't be. It's just that I read so many disappointed and negative takes on the ending of the show in the past 24 hours that I wanted to add my own - and like I said, personally I enjoyed myself a lot (even if it's of course not a perfect show and there certainly are some details that feel very hamfisted and even harmful and stereotypical). To me, it's a well-made and narratively sound piece of television with interesting characters and an entertaining story, and I'm glad we finally got a good genre BL offering in the form of queer detective fiction.

[qiu-yan]

3 6 7 11 16 20 25

bro is trying to get me killed lmao /s

choose violence ask game

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr:

this shit

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

gonna be honest here, the single most annoying part of the MDZS fandom is that one hyperspecific sort of wang and xian stan who insists on shitting on not only the other characters, but also other wang and xian fans who ship the characters in ways they don't approve of. this kind of stan can not only be relied on to have the worst possible takes on everyone ranging from jin guangyao to jiang cheng, they can also be relied on to harass other wang and xian fans simply for putting wang on the bottom. fun times.

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

surprisingly, no one yet. sometimes i feel the hater urge to dunk on the morally-pure version of wei wuxian that the diehard wei wuxian stannies have collectively hallucinated, but i still find the wei wuxian from canon to be quite compelling.

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

the "canon jiang cheng" and "canon jc" tags. everyone stfu

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

"morally pure wei wuxian who did nothing wrong ever." to me, wei wuxian's hubris, his unique capability for inventing new kinds of cruelty, his failure to think of the consequences of his actions, his tendencies to run away from negative feelings, and his ultimate failure to protect the people he was trying to protect, are what make him a compelling character to me. these flaws in parallel with his courage, kindness, stalwart moral compass, and genuine love make him interesting to me. so i don't quite understand fans who instead insist on erasing all the morally grey and highly interesting stuff he did in favor of insisting he did nothing wrong ever.

20. part of canon you found tedious or boring

not quite what the question is asking, but i found the actual wang and xian romance in the original novel to be a bit lacking. mainly because (as other people have said already) a lot of the romantic development happened when lan wangji was drunk. at the very least, i wanted to see lan wangji's reactions to his various drunken adventures once he sobered up the next day, and i'm rather disappointed we never got to see that.

furthermore, on wei wuxian's end, it did kind of feel like wei wuxian was using this exciting new romance to distract himself from his past problems, even though it also seemed like he didn't actually know all that much about lan wangji. the only version of the romance that makes sense to me is the one where wei wuxian was already into lan wangji (subconsciously or consciously) in his first life; otherwise, wei wuxian falling in love with lan wangji during his second life, when he's yet to process any of the shit that happened in his first life, feels too much like him running away from his problems with a guy he believes will validate all his decisions. meanwhile, on lan wangji's end, i feel like the novel just did not give us a lot to work with in regards to his character. so it feels like, if you want to be a fan of lan wangji, you have to do a lot of the legwork of building up his personality yourself.

what also disappointed me a bit about wang and xian, as well as lan wangji's character arc itself, is that lan wangji is never really challenged on a moral-dilemma level in the same way that many other characters are challenged by the story. how do i explain this...alright, i'll put it this way. i've been brainrotted about madohomu (madoka magica) since i was in middle school. and that's partially because i know for a fact that, if homura was put in the trolley problem and had to choose between [killing 5 strangers] and [allowing madoka to die], she would choose to kill those 5 strangers to save madoka. but after reading MDZS, i realized i legitimately did not know what lan wangji would do in such a moral dilemma. because MDZS equates [being morally righteous] with [supporting wei wuxian], lan wangji is never placed in a dilemma where he has to choose between sacrificing wei ying and doing something the audience would think of as unforgivable.

these are just my own hyperspecific tastes, though.

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

gonna put my hater hat on for a second, but i kind of roll my eyes at the jiang cheng haters complaining about how jiang cheng stans keep posting in the "canon jiang cheng" tag. dude, if it bothers you that much, just block the jiang cheng stans. then things will be peaceful in your favorite tag again.

[365days365movies]

Japanuary: Introduction

Well, holy shit, what year is it? It's been 4 years since I tried this whole Tumblr thing, and...eh, it wasn't the most successful endeavor ever, but fuck it! It was a fun ride in 2021! I tried to do the whole one-film-per-day thing, stuck with it for a while, and eventually failed that challenge. And I'm not gonna pretend that watching a movie a day and writing a blog post about it is possible with my current schedule, BUT! Even then, I have enjoyed the whole endeavor. So, why not give this shindig another spin? And how do I plan to do that? Easy: with a monthly themed challenge once again.

This time, though, let's not do Action in January. In fact, why be bound to genre at all this time? Theme, sure, but let's stretch the genre limit a bit here. So, with that, let's start a brand new month and a brand new year with a brand new theme...and a very-little touched country on this blog: 日本国.

Japan, sometimes known as the Sun's Origin (a direct translation of the country's name; "the Land of the Rising Sun" is a Western epithet), is one of the biggest movie-producing countries on the planet, since almost the beginning of cinema. However, the Golden Age of Japanese cinema began in the 1940s and 1950s, when prominent directors rose in the fallout of World War II. Pun...technically not intended, but valid all the same. Storytelling and tradition are treasured practices in Japanese culture, which is strong to this day. However, years of self-imposed isolation, followed by rapid acceptance of Western influence, definitely made film an interesting development in those storytelling traditions. While originally Western-influenced, Japan definitely injected itself into 35mm camera tape starting in the 1910s. And that continued, often through propaganda film, until...uh...well...

If you know, you unfortunately know, if terms of the above GIF. But, yeah, World War II happened, and Japan was involved and affected in...various ways. In any case, its civilian population was heavily traumatized, and that showed itself through the film industry especially. While wartime film really was a lot of propaganda about the Empire of Japan, it also came with a lot of restrictions, especially when Western influence was suspected. So, after the war ended with Japan surrendering, and the heavy boot of America made itself known in Japanese everyday life, the film industry was affected positively and negatively. On one hand, much of Japan's film history was literally burned for fear of its potentially offensive nature. Plus, jidaigeki, or samurai films, became incredibly difficult to make. Not impossible, but that's a point for later.

It's during this time that a number of prominent Japanese directors start popping up, or coming back into significance. Of note are Akira Kurosawa (MUCH more on him soon) and Yasujirō Ozu, amongst several others. Film stars like Toshiro Mifune also begin to appear. Japanese films also began their international spread, and suddenly, they also began to become popular in the United States and the Western world. By the time the 1950s came, Japan's film industry had entered its new, golden age, and that decade saw some of the most famous films in the country's history.

I've previously talked about Akira Kurosawa's Rashomon, which came out in 1950, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. Seven Samurai, Tokyo Story, Ikuru, The Burmese Harp, The Human Condition, Ugetsu Monogatari (which I've also talked about), Sansho the Bailiff, Floating Weeds, amongst several others. All in the 1950s. Badass. I feel like there's a major one I'm missing, too, but I can't list every Japanese film ever made. You get the idea: Japanese film is sort of a big deal.

Despite this, though, when television spread throughout the succeeding decades, the film industry died back a tiny bit. CHina began their own blockbuster film industry with the boom of wuxia, and Japanese filmmakers became more experimental in their work, appealing less to the masses as a result. The two studio giants in Japan, then and now, were Toho Co., Ltd. and Toei Company, Ltd. Even then, neither company did great during the 60s and 70s. Toei would eventually find its footing in the world of anime, while Toho found its footing in...OH RIGHT

Sorry, Godzilla, almost forgot about you. This science-fiction horror (and yes, it is a horror film in an existential sense) would put an indelible stamp on the industry for DECADES, and would also color people's perception of Japanese films in the west for a while. That, combined with the resurgance in jidaigeki, would prove a bit of a downfall in terms of Western popularity. But even then, the film industry kept chugging along, and Japan did eventually find a new way to appeal to the Western world. Now, I'm skipping over a HELL of a lot of history (basically the entire '80s and the mini-theatre craze), but there's good reason for that.

See, once we get to the '80s and '90s, new directors suddenly step into the limelight. Takeshi Miike shocks people with Audition, which also becomes part of a new horror tradition in Japanese cinema that gets a LOT of attention. Hirokazu Kore-eda moves from documentaries in the '60s, and makes several films over the years up through the '90s, like Maborosi and After Life. And then, in the late 1980s, a new animated film based on the Lupin the Third franchise brings a new director into the public consciousness...and EVERYBODY starts paying attention again.

Hayao Miyazaki and Studio Ghibli come into prominence, and film is back, baby! And I mean that; Porco Rosso, that one Miyazaki movie with humanoid pigs, was more popular than E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, for one example. Satoshi Kon and Isao Takahata come into the fray, and large movie theatres also become more prevalent after their decline decades later. And now, Toei is making anime for Japan and the Western world, where it's EXPLODING. Suddenly, Japanese media is popular worldwide, and they never go back. The anime industry exponentially expands, and more films can be made and distributed. Hell, Toei also gets rich from the trend of sentai shows, which the Western world will most closely associate with Power Rangers! Seriously, shit starts to blow up.

Today, most people associate Japanese media with either anime or Godzilla, which is...simplistic. But, hey, there's a FUCKTON of Japanese media out there, and I've personally explored precious little of it. So when I was settling on watching more films this coming year, I was looking for ideas. And then I stumbled on one: Japanuary. Not an original idea on my part, and you can check out other lists for it (like this one, this one, and this one, for starters), but I'm into it! Of course...there is one caveat.

I, uh...I didn't watch all of these in January. I actually started in November.

NOVEMBER WAS A DIFFICULT MONTH!!! And not even for all the reasons you'd expect. But, honestly, I missed updating this blog. And I knew that, to do so in a timely fashion, I'd need a lot of extra time. So, to get that extra time, I started real early. And in truth, I'm writing this post from the past (specifically November 8. YES IT HAS ALREADY BEEN A DIFFICULT MONTH). Still, I'll be putting out the full list of films I'll talk about this month in this post! And, if this came out on December 30th as planned, that means I actually did it! Otherwise, this post would be left in the drafts, to die a slow and unfulfilled death. So, fingers crossed that you're reading this right now!

And so, with that said, here is my list for Japanuary 2025! Feel free to watch along if you can (so will I, believe me), and happy New Year!

Ikiru (1952; dir. Akira Kurosawa)

Throne of Blood (1957; dir. Akira Kurosawa)

Yojimbo (1961; dir. Akira Kurosawa)

High and Low (1963; dir. Akira Kurosawa)

Ran (1985; dir. Akira Kurosawa)

Late Spring (1949; dir. Yasuijirō Ozu)

Tokyo Story (1953; dir. Yasuijirō Ozu)

The 47 Ronin (1941; dir. Kenji Mizoguchi)

Sansho the Bailiff (1954; dir. Kenji Mizoguchi)

Harakiri (1962; dir. Masaki Kobayashi)

The Ballad of Narayama (1983; dir. Shōhei Imamura)

Fireworks (1997; dir. Takeshi Kitano)

Audition (1999; dir. Takeshi Miike)

Sukiyaki Western Django (2007; dir. Takashi Miike)

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind (1984; dir. Hayao Miyazaki)

Castle in the Sky (1986; dir. Hayao Miyazaki)

Porco Rosso (1992; dir. Hayao Miyazaki)

The Secret World of Arrietty (2010; dir. Hayao Miyazaki)

The Boy and the Heron (2023; dir. Hayao Miyazaki)

Perfect Blue (1997; dir. Satoshi Kon)

Tokyo Godfathers (2003; dir. Satoshi Kon)

Wolf Children (2012; dir. Mamoru Hosoda)

Mirai (2018; dir. Mamoru Hosoda)

Nobody Knows (2004; dir. Hirokazu Kore-eda)

Shoplifters (2018; dir. Hirokazy Kore-eda)

Godzilla (1954; dir. Ishirō Honda)

Godzilla Minus One (2023; dir. Takashi Yamazaki)

Tampopo (1985; dir. Jūzō Itami)

Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters (1985; dir. Paul Schrader)

Drive My Car (2021; dir. Ryūsuke Hamaguchi)

Tokyo Gore Police (2008; dir. Yoshihiro Nishimura)

[whitefoxfiction]

I have a mini rant I want to get out of my system, but I want to preface this by saying that there is nothing wrong with enjoying or not enjoying certain types of content. This isn't meant to be judgemental or negative toward anyone. However, it seems like OCs aren't appreciated like they were in manga/anime fandom when I kept up with it 10-15 years ago. OCs, especially shipping them with canon characters, seem less accepted with opinions ranging from dismissive (mostly) to antagonistic (ocassionally). I'm not sure why that is. Maybe just too many poorly designed or written OCs over time? Idk. Designing good characters is work. I have an army of 15 or more "secondary cast" OCs, all of them with named zanpakutous, shikai abilities in various stages of development, and 2-3 pages of backstory. They all have individual looks and personalities,and I'm trying to learn vector art so maybe I can "draw" them. So many people put so much time, effort, and love into their OCs that it's sad to me the amount of people in fandom these days that don't like giving OCs a chance. The preference these days seems to be character x reader, then canon character only, which I also enjoy a great deal, but I have read some absolutely fire stories with main character OCs, usually canon divergence or continuation, sometimes AU. I guess I mostly find it strange how at least the Bleach fandom seems to have shifted away from OCs with large roles in fic over the years. This is long, but I also want to touch on the question of "why not just write an original story then?" I think there are a lot of valid answers for that. One is that worldbuilding from scratch is hard, especially figuring out what type of world and themes you want without feeling like it's all been done before. "How could I make it original?" is one of my personal hurdles to that. The second is lack of confidence/experience, and in that case, I think writing OCs can be helpful in building those things. Finally some people just don't have the time or energy to build a whole-ass world from zero. Anyway that's it for my long winded rant fest. I hope people will go out and give some OCs (written or drawn) some love! 🥰

[cattyisokay]

For aspiring artists.

Please, be kind to yourself.

(Important: I rarely do this kind of post, but I really wanted to speak up, even if i may not be good at this. Everything that i wrote here are only my thoughts and opinions. Although, if this will help someone feel better, I'll be happy. This art is low effort intentionally.)

I don't know if anybody felt this, but I overthink. Too much, especially for the last years. Some thoughts that eat you from the inside, and you can't just get them out of your head. "Everybody is better than me," "I'll never be enough to achieve anything remarkable," "Nobody cares," "They're younger than me and they draw still better" and millions of other insults i tell myself.

But then again, in the end, if you truly love what you're creating, what you spend your life does only matter to you. You don't do this for likes, reposts, and comments. You do this because you simply chose to. You draw, sing, and write because it makes you forget about your troubles. You do it for yourself. So why not be kind to the only person you'll have to stay with forever? To your very own self. You scold yourself for doing things you love wrong. Therefore, you make it a chore, a responsibility. Instead of spending all your day listening to others, make this useless competition and feeding on the hatred, you could try to shut up and make you see yourself. You won't be the best at practically anything, nobody will. There are no perfect artists that will be remembered for an eternity. We will forget everything eventually. That's why it's for the best to simply let go and be yourself. Trust, life is not that serious and no one will ever know your suffering like you do. Don't try to seek for validation, you'll never have full of it. Better try to accept yourself. Figure out your mistakes, but NEVER hate yourself for them. They don't define you.

And always remember, you're not "falling behind", you're at your own pace, and where you are right now is where you are supposed to be at this moment. You do matter, for yourself. None of your efforts are useless, you learn and develop your own unique experience, that's what makes us humans.

Perhaps those are stupid or obvious things to say, but sometimes, we really need to hear them once in a while, as we're too focused on the negative these days. Stay true to yourself, and make your own way. You'll make it 'cause you already went so far, so don't dump your goals, no matter the circumstances.

Have a great journey, and i wish everyone the best. I'm proud of you.

[astroismypassion]

hiii , how are you? i’m curious on your thoughts on pluto in the 12th house in a composite chart. thank you 💞💞

Hi!

I'm well, I hope you are fine as too.

PLUTO IN THE 12TH HOUSE IN THE COMPOSITE CHART

This mostly means you might make really powerful art together. You might feel like creatively you are a powerful duo much more than on your own. You might write songs together, poems. Or even all those things about each other. Sometimes when together you are not fully aware of how negative you can be. You might also overthink a lot of things in the connection. You might take spiriuality more seriously. You might also develop substance abuse if not too careful. You may be quite dependent on one another for validation and acknowledgement. But at the same time you might get scared of how much you miss or want to spend time with the other person, so you pull away. You could both possibly take candid photos of each other.

Take care love,

@astroismypassion

[undyingmedium]

It's stupid, vaguely muse related, but also negative because I'm facing one of the hardest times in my life.

I usually vibe with characters that have a bit of me in them. Anika is no exception. When loved ones around me die, I feel like I see them or hear them every now and then, but especially clearly right after they go. It happened with my dog too, I saw her by my side in the car while we were rushing back and hoping she could survive the crisis she was having, she caught my attention and then ran off somewhere - God knows what was so interesting beyond the sunset to have her prefer go away than returning to us.

I'm sorry, this is delirious, but I'm just trying to cope and I found out through years that roleplay, characters and fantasies are my best tools for it.

Anais, the first version of Anika in her earliest form, was a twilight cleric that also dealt with death a lot. She was created months after my grandma died and she was my first real character for a campaign (which unfortunately ended super early). That piece is reported and currently kept in her story, too.

Then, almost a year later, I decided to go with a different version of her that, instead of a cleric, could actually see ghosts and interact with the dead, other than finding a way to save a life of a loved one through an otherwordlt pact with one of such ghosts. It was a way to make my "visions" kind of valid, even if in another world of pure fiction. They're so real in my eyes that I can't bring myself to say no to them, because they do comfort me a little, or anyways help me to shake myself back up even when they're not too peaceful or happy. Maybe it's true, maybe I'm sensitive, maybe it's that tad of craziness we all have that sparks up... I don't know. I only have this need to hold onto it though. Sometimes I'm ashamed of it, too insecure to share, but I know in my heart that it still gives me something from the outside that I couldn't have had otherwise. So... yeah. Hi, Anika.

As she was played and developed, she became her own character, as far from Anais as she could get. Tough and sharp in personality, overly sarcastic and even toxic at times, but with a goddamn good heart inside - quite the comparison to Anais which is instead discreet, kind, strong willed despite the hardships.

Damn. Anika gave away her own freedom and trusted the only one who could give her the hope and capability to save the life of her best friend. If such things ever existed, I would have done the same without a thought to spare two lives and give them time, love and joy in exchange for their suffering. I will never speak of the first case, but even if the second is "just" about my dog, I don't think there ever was another comparable pain in my life - not even for grandma, because she was old and ready, so tired of suffering, so I know she went in peace. But not Bonnie, nor the first case.

Now *that* is the real piece my muse holds, and apparently not only her. Even my shittiest character moves out of love. Love is my drive, and it spreads through everything of me. Even fiction.

But I could only pray instead. I'm not the greatest christian nor the most religious person, far from it; but for others, for my dear ones, I'm ready to throw myself through fire with every possible mean. It wasn't enough.I'm... sad. I felt so alone despite that. Life has its course and sometimes we just have to let go, it's how it all works, I know; but in this one case, I feel like it wasn't her time and it was a series of mistakes that led us all to this - mine, or the vets', or the surgeon's, does it matter?

I went to the clinic with the awareness in my heart that it was her last day, but when she got out of the surgery room and I saw her awake my hopes flared up. We were already thinking of the future. And then, that call came. And we rushed back with no more news beyond 'we're reanimating her'. Then I saw her while we were still twenty minutes away from her. 'Leave the blood be', they said. They already saw her dead.

Three days ago she was tugging at the leash and chasing everyone with the ball to play, even if she barely had any energies to fetch it twice or thrice. Now her ashes sit close to where she used to hang out most and I cry over the plaster cast of her paw.

How does one move on, when so many doubts and regret claw you from inside?

[mrgladstonegander]

I’m really glad you cleared up the deal with Frank Angones. Ever since DT 17 ended, I’ve been seeing an influx of annoying DT purists who think the reboot betrayed some things about the DT lore (guess what, I don’t think the original 80s show and a lot of the comics are that interesting anyway, so **bites thumb**), so it was vindicating to see someone say that Frank is a good writer, he just has annoying traits about his writing. DT 17 is in my top 5 favorite DTVA shows and I am insecure about my opinions, so I don’t want to think I watched a bad show I loved all this time and didn’t even know it.

im glad you liked that post. if anything i say sounds weird/questionable, im always up for elaborating on what i mean.

and dt17 is one of my favorite shows ever as well! obviously, because im running a sideblog-dedicated to it, but i do have a lot of criticism about it. so i'm sorry to you or anyone else if this blog has gotten too much negativity. my brain kind of stews on negative points, so i can write about them easier, while my bursts of appreciation are very sudden, so i don't think to write them out very often.

and anon, i'm sorry if this sounds rude, but those "annoying" people have the right to criticize the show. i think its important to criticize Ducktales 2017 as its own standalone show (because it can hold as a standalone show), but it is still fundamentally a reboot. people have the right to be miffed about how much their favorite character was changed, or criticize how the show views its predecessors. their concerns are equally as valid as the writers choosing to change characters to balance out the archetypes of the cast (like Gyro and Fenton; they can't really both be nice, excitable scientists)

and i am basically one of those "purists". i dont really like how they handled Gladstone at some parts (especially their mindset of him), and I agree with people that Scrooge's parents should have stayed dead (because having relatives die oversees, and parents that tell you to take the rest of the family to America, but they're too old to come is a really relatable immigrant situation!)

I'm glad that my opinions made you feel vindicated and better, but if criticism of the show makes you feel insecure about your own opinions (and you shouldn't feel insecure about them. i know it can be hard sometimes, but you need to develop that skill), then you really should start blocking the "#ducktales critical" and "#dt critical" tags, or heck, start blocking blogs. or even block me if you start thinking my opinions are annoying. because the way i show appreciation for things include criticism. so i dont really know why you're here

[fraeuleintaka]

AAIC Previews

This is the 61st post in the Ace Attorney Investigations Collection Countdown: 20 days left until release!

Today's topic: some Previews of the Investigations Collection!

Since the start of August various magazines and gaming channels have posted previews of the Investigations Collection. They've been able to play the first few cases of both games and wrote about their first impressions, most of them being old fans of the series and having played I1 back in the day but never I2. I won't go through all of them like I did for the interviews with the devs previously since there really are a lot but I'm going to talk about a few of the major points most of them mentioned and agreed on that I found the most interesting.

The different gameplay structure of Investigations in comparison to the main series is a welcome breath of fresh air and a lot of fun

That's what I've been saying! I feel validated here. Nothing against the other AA games but the Investigations games are just better but the Investigations gameplay style works so well and I hardly ever see that acknowledged in the fandom. I think they picked exactly the right combination of different but similar which really makes them stand out in the best of ways.

The more logic based gameplay mechanics are a lot of fun and very fitting for Miles as a protagonist, they ground the setting in a good way while still keeping the characters and situations as wonderfully wacky as before

Also something I've been saying for a long time! Miles just has the best skills and mechanics, that's just how it is. I especially appreciate how many previews note the characters and story developments being just as good and interesting as AA is known for because I've seen too many people calling I1 lacking in that department and I just can't understand that at all.

Miles as the protagonist is a particular highlight, he's an amazing character to be in the head of and his commentary and his interactions with other characters are highly entertaining

One of the major reasons why I adore the Investigations games so much so I completely agree with this. There's a reason Miles is my favourite character in the entire series after all and my favourite to play as. He's unique in all the best ways, could comment on the most boring stuff imaginable and I'd still find it interesting (I'm like Ema in that way) and can interact with any random character and make it entertaining just with his contribution alone. No other AA character has been able to match that for me.

The initial cases gave very good impressions, they seemed like the start to a compelling story and most previewers were eager to see more

Again, with the overall fandom's comparatively negative opinion on I1 I'm quite happy to see more positive judgements be thrown its way. I don't have any doubt that I2 will blow most people who haven't tried it yet away with how incredible it is but it's still good to see my own impressions validated.

There's no notable difference (in tone or quality) between the I1 and I2 localisations, most previewers felt right at home with both

That's very good to hear! From what the devs said, that's what they were going for and more and more supports the impression that they fully succeeded. Fantastic!

The various enhancements of the collection were judged very positively, especially the HD chibi sprites, and all the extras were very appreciated; some called it the best collection yet

That was to be expected but I still love to hear it. I've been fangirling about all of this for the last 60 days now so I'm glad I'm not the only one 😄 It's always nice to read positive comments about things you love.

The logical deductions the game asks of you are clearer than the main series sometimes is, maybe the game is a bit easier because of that but only in a positive way

This I found very interesting and not many previewers put it quite so clearly (some also found it too easy and others deliciously challenging) but it did pop up a few times. Several called it overall less frustrating because of that and while I never had major issues with any game in the series in that way (only ever isolated incidents) I do agree that the Investigations games handle their deductions and logic chains unusually well. They always make complete sense and there are (almost) no weird jumps or strange detours before you arrive at the conclusions the game wants you to. Maybe that also partly stems from Miles being the protagonist since he usually knows what he's doing and follows a concrete strategy instead of just guessing half of the time but it's definitely another point in the games' favour.

The closest thing to a negative point that most of the previewers mentioned is that the pixel art looks out of place against the HD backgrounds

I feared this might be the case. You can't really keep the backgrounds on the DS graphic level or they'd look insanely blurry on the larger screens but with crystal clear background art the pixel art of the sprites in the foreground looks jarring. No idea how you could possibly avoid that. It's not relevant for me personally since I won't actively be playing with the pixel graphics anyway but it definitely isn't great for the people who want to. On the positive side, if that's the only thing most previewers even came close to criticizing, this promises stellar reviews and ratings for the release of the collection!

[petruchio]

Hi! For the writing asks:

🚀 Do you like to outline your fic first or create as you go?

📗 Do you want to write something outside of fanfiction? If so, what about?

🚀 Do you like to outline your fic first or create as you go?

i definitely outline. i used to say i "sort of" outline because i don't literally structure it like 1. 1a. 1b. etc., but basically i can't start a story unless i know where it's going to finish -- obviously it develops along the way but i don't just like... start. i have to have an end in mind and i have to know how i'm going to get there. basically what i do is i just start daydreaming and sketching some scenes in my head and then when things start to crystalize i write out a frenzied sort of stream of consciousness general plot in my notes app until i find an ending and figure out the connective tissue that will get me there -- the daydreaming phase usually takes months, and then the "outline" comes out of me in like 2 days -- and then depending on how fleshed out my outline is, the writing comes together pretty fast since once i've actually written down the outline, i've at least sketched out most of the scenes in my head and the writing just connected all of them. (now that i've explained that it's a wonder anyone has ever complimented me on my pacing because outside of the fics i've intentionally structured as chaptered i simply <3 do not think about pacing at all -- pacing is definitely a feel as i go sort of thing, although it is something i tweak a lot in edits) lol i would show you guys an example of one of my "outlines" but they're kind of embarrassing to be honest! (i think i actually posted one once but it was basically unintelligible and it was for a fic i never actually wrote)

📗 Do you want to write something outside of fanfiction? If so, what about?

oh absolutely!! i love fanfiction because i feel like it gives me a chance to play around in the worlds i love so much (specifically thg, and a bit of pjo too) and also it lets me "hang out" with the characters if that makes sense. i also love it because i get so much feedback and immediate validation on my work, which is just harder to get on original works and there isn't the same kind of community you get with fanfic. BUT! i love writing and it's the dream of my life to get an original work published. i have a couple worlds in my head i revisit from time to time and try to figure out how to gel a whole story out of them (they're kind of like... young adult fantasy/sci fi worlds that i've bounced around in my brain for years and occasionally i've written some outlines for stories but they never seem to get me quite to the point of novel-length inspiration) and then i have a couple literary fiction plot outlines that take place in elite colleges or postgrad big cities that function as romances that critique the class system in america (that's really my favorite genre of novel to read -- and one that i one day would love to have my own entry) i've also written a couple random short stories (i guess i would call them magical realism or like, low fantasy?) like, one was about an alien in a convenience store, or one was about a city where nobody ages. those are really fun to write and sometimes i do think about cleaning some of them up and seeing if i could get them published -- just to have something "technically" officially published, but i've just never done it. i think i would want to build up my drafts before i start sending things around, because if i got negative feedback i think i'd probably get really down on myself -- so i want to have a bigger body of work to draw from.

well that was a super long answer 🤦‍♀️ but basically the answer is YES YES YES

[weabooweedwitch]

I dunno I kinda get the vibe that you also view your mom as a defective loser who can't change? you don't really have any nice things to say about her and seem to hate her about as much as you hate yourself (not to say that your mom isn't a pain and immature as fuck to boot bc she absolutely is). you call her subhuman and an idiot and all these horrible things a lot, before I thought it was just harsh online venting of your deepest most private thoughts but I guess you say that stuff to her irl too? just from seeing those texts, I feel bad because I know you're going thru a lot and you're hurting I don't want to make it worse but I kinda had to agree with the verbal aggression and suicide threats comment. not defending your mom, she is a pain-in-the-ass womanchild, but I can kind of understand why she's so defensive and reactive if that really is the way you speak to her. I'm sorry I know that's probably not what you want to hear or the most validating thing, your feelings are absolutely valid too here and I understand how grating having that type of parent can be, as someone who has a similar-but-maybe-not-as-bad situation over here

btw, as I understand it personality disorders are actually very responsive to therapy. the only reason people with certain disorders like aspd and npd don't get better is because a lot of them don't view themselves as having a problem or view their life problems as mostly other people's fault and don't want to hear the negative criticism. bpd has a very good prognosis too for those that recognize a need to change their behavior.

I mean, ultimately yes, i am real shitty to her off and on, but my opinion I guess is that, the temper and the insults are something that developed over time and is specific to our specific relationship. Like my mom and I have always kind of butted heads, but me being, I guess openly malicious towards her is a development that came about within the last few years, or decade maybe, just progressing over time

It's sort of like, you know, one of the things I hate the most is having to repeat myself because someone wasn't listening the first time, and with my mom, we just have the same issues over and over again that are never resolved, or I keep seeing weird behaviors in her, or she makes decisions that I find literally nonsensical. And its just. I look at her and I see someone still making all the same mistakes she always has, and it makes me angry because, I mean, my entire childhood was fucking ruined from constantly moving and literally being trapped in cars with her while she ranted. My relationship with extended family was ruined just because she had personal grudges that I kinda lowkey think are also her fault tbh. I got moved away from my grandmother because my mom was randomly like "oh I can't find any jobs in Missouri, let's just move 8 hours away to Wisconsin" and she didn't regret it but like, my older sister was completely devastated, and by that age, I myself was so desensitized to the constant instability that I was like "well yeah I don't mind moving again, we switch schools almost every single year or sometimes twice a year, do you really expect me to have any friends to even miss"

Like this developed over time. I didn't always feel this way about her. But as I've grown up, I've changed and she hasn't. She's still the exact same person. Even my father says she is literally the exact same person. It's like the thing with her moving my hairbrush out of the shower and never putting it back. I had to tell her over and over to stop even taking it out, that it's literally just a fucking hairbrush, stop taking it out of the shower where I keep it amd not putting it back and also it quite literally wasn't in her way in any way whatsoever, and she kept doing it, and there's only so many times you can "hey mom please don't do this" "mom please just put it back ok literally just put it back after you remove it" "ok I've asked you repeatedly can you stop touching my fucking hairbrush i need in the shower" until you snap and say "alright you STUPID CUNT if you do this one more time I'll remove YOUR things from the shower and I'll take them straight out to the dumpster" and THAT got her to finally stop

Like it's literally gotten to "you don't listen to me when I'm nice so why should I even waste my emotional energy pretending to be nice to you when i don't think you deserve it". "Why should I act nice to you when I feel so massively unsupported and drained and exploited by you"

Like she quite literally doesn't fucking listen, TO ANYONE. You can communicate clear as day with her and she'll still do whatever the fuck she wants. In the past my sister stopped even letting us into her apartment because my mom would start TOUCHING THINGS every single time we were there, like literally opening her fucking cabinets and touching her dishes and unloading her dishwasher, until my sister was basically screaming at her to stop and then it's "ugh Emily is so hysterical she doesn't take her medicine" like no you fucking dumbass you won't let her have agency over her own belongings in her own apartment after she moved out to literally run away from you and you're still doing it to her as an adult and she'll just look at how extremely upset you are "ugh I was just trying to help 🙄 you should think about how I FEEL"

She pushes and pushes and pushes and then when you snap and lose your patience with her, she goes straight for your fucking throat and acts like everything is your fault and she's just the blameless fucking saint. Sometimes I wonder if she is even capable of giving legitimate apologies because any time you bring anything up with her, no matter how valid you are, no matter how upset you are, she just Always responds with "im sorry but *laundry list of excuses*" or "no that's not what happened. You exaggerate. You need to be medicated." Or the favorite, classical deflection she always uses of "well what about when YOU--"

She will tell you every single day the exact same suggestion that you have already said no to. I was literally growing up in school and she'd constantly say "oh you're so smart, you could be a doctor" until I was telling her over and over "I DONT WANT TO and you make STRESSED OUT because it feels like you're trying to force me". Jesus fucking christ for example it literally makes my goddamn blood BOIL absolutely fucking BOIL that she still says "you should put highlights in your hair" when I've been telling her MY ENTIRE LIFE I DON'T WANT TO, I DONT WANT TO DYE MY HAIR, I DON'T WANT CHEMICALS AND BLEACHES, and she literally STILL SAYS IT like it's this kind of thing that makes me go "what would actually make you listen, fucking beating you like your ex husband? Are all these 'abusive relationships' you cry about and told us about when we were inappropriately young to try and squeeze sympathy out of us just you pushing people until they swing on you"

Like. I'm 26 years old and I feel like my own mother doesn't even try to understand me and i feel like if you asked her a list of personal questions about me that she'd gst most of them wrong. And I also feel like, and have felt like for a long time, that, well I guess to outright be cruel, the biggest reason she had kids was because literally no one liked her and i guess she thought children would have some sort of indentured love to her. She won't even like acknowledge i was an accidental pregnancy, she just deflects and says "no you're my miracle baby bc after I had you I found out I had endo-" "ok but mom you were not actively trying to be pregnant and you didn't like my father by the time I was born can you just at least say I was I unplanned, I'm not even saying it as you hating me, can you just acknowledge I was an unplanned pregnancy" "no :)"

I get absolutely no closure with her. Like. This might seem like an extreme comparison but the other day I was watching bodycam footage for the arrest of Joey McVay, a 10 year old who shot his mom. The story is all "oh his mom shot him because he got mad when he was asked to do chores" but then they dug a little deeper and asked the grandmother and the story was "oh this kid had a disability and his mom was actually a rude slob who worked him like a horse while also still treating him as defiant and incompetent and stupid and even being physically abusive and his house was a borderline dilapidated shack and he snapped and shot her because she made him feel literally worthless" and I was watching that thinking, wow that could have been me.

It's the constant like dehumanization she has pushed upon me while also expecting me to listen to her rant and rant and rant for years about her own problems. 'Sympathy for me but not for thee' kinda shit. I can't keep pouring from an empty cup bro? I can't give sympathy that's no longer there because it was sucked out of me like some kind of energy vampire

Ok but like exactly as I'm typing this my mom woke up and I mentioned to her how I'm trying to book with a dermatologist bc I'm having hair thinning and nail denting and I didn't want to be on the phone so I start trying to Google online, and then I end that topic and switch to , bringing up to her this personality disorder conversation, and she literally fucking interrupts me in the middle of my sentence "do you want me to make the call for you" and I just broke down sobbing because I'm sitting here reopening all my emotional wounds to write this post about how unheard I am and, there she goes doing it again, and now I'm refusing to speak to her because like, you didn't let me speak the first time, why should I waste my time saying it all again 🙃

I dont know. I guess it sounds mean but at this point she does it to herself. I've been worn down and demanded to care over and over while being ignored so now I have no sympathy. At this point its no longer "oh gosh I'm sorry that happened to you" and now it's "well what mistake did you make to fuck things up this time" which, in my defense, like, she does cause most of the problems in her life and my own. Like my god there was a period of time where we had just moved and we barely had any money I mean like financially struggling and she's like "oh I hate having all our canned goods on the floor, it just looks so GHETTO, I don't like it" and she ordered furniture off online and it. It literally. We've lived here for like two years and it still isn't fully assembled becuase she didn't read the instructions when she made it and refused to finish it without my help. Like we barely had money for rent and she wasted money on, a cabinet, because things not looking nice made her feel bad. And then in that same period of time she tried to order a dining room table that we have literally no room for, and I can't even tell you how many months ago she ordered a larger size glass enclosure for her bearded dragon and its been sitting in a box for literal months because. Uh. She expects me to help her assemble it and I told her straight up she shouldn't have even bought it if she won't even put together HER cage for HER pet which she takes poor care of, though I'm one to talk considering how little I've gotten to hold Louie

You just. Can't keep demanding sympathy and never giving it back? You can't raise your daughter constantly texting her instead of speaking to her for every little "oh I have a headache bring me a glass of water" to like the point there were periods of time she'd be lying in bed just shouting out for me instead of getting it herself and I'd barge into the room "it's just a glass of water your bedroom is literally next to the bathroom and we have neighbors, stop shouting you stupid bitch"

Like it gave me a COMPLEX. I've been sick and throwing up and refusing to take medicine and refusing any help from her because I grew up watching her pop pills for everything and argue with doctors and just constantly want help that I never saw returned the same way. She's on the couch next to me right now and she's trying to talk to me and I'm still so upset over being interrupted earlier I'm just popping earbuds in and pretending she isn't even here because the couch and her office chair are the only seats in this whole apartment which of course means she lives on it

Like maybe I could overcome my trauma and change with therapy. But mom? She'll argue with doctors. She'll argue with therapists. She'll like you and then you'll make the smallest slight against her and suddenly she wants nothing to do with you and has a laundry list of things she hates about you. She's a fair-weather mother and I'm sick of it. It's at the point where ant help or assistance or support or love she gives me almost doesn't even matter anymore because the constant mistakes and talking over me is still so constant that there's like a 70/30 hate to love ratio at this point.

I know that's a lot of text but, yeah I guess I can still keep certain disorders in mind but my mom is literally the only person I treat like this

[femmefatalevibe]

Hello I'm sorry to bother you but I was wondering if you could lend some advice about online friends? I'm only 19yrs old right now and I'm fairly new to social media related things because I had a late start to being involved with phones and internet stuff because of strict parents. (I understand if you prefer not to answer so it's okay to delete this ask 🖤)

Tw: there's bully related issues involved aswell as slight depression.

But well...I had a good friend (on here actually) and what happened is we were both going through very bad times in our lives which caused us to start to disagree and misunderstand eachother alot.

I tried to console her and support her as best as I could because she was going through a lot of negative family related issues and I didn't want her to feel alone, but as time went on and I explained to her I was also very unhappy and sad because of a severe bullying problem that I started to close myself off and developed a bit of a trust issue with the people around me online because I was afraid maybe this anonymous hatred was coming from someone I know so at times I was in the wrong aswell with the way I spoke to her.

That being said she was not very considerate of my sadness and feelings, I was personally upset with the way she would speak to me as someone younger than her and someone I trusted to tell my issues to; she would speak to me very rudely and would say hurtful things like "you should see a doctor" or "I think you have low self-esteem" and that was not something I personally found respectable to say to me when I was just explaining my bullying issues to her.

I felt very alone and a couple days later I had apologize to her for probably upsetting her with my negative problems, I personally never meant to give her stress because I understood she was still stressed herself; so later on we talked again and once again she completely disrespected my feelings and I asked her if she still wanted to be friends which she responded with a "No" and I felt very betrayed quite frankly but I also had to understand that she and I were drifting apart from the beginning.

She was one of my best friends so I tried to tell her I didn't want us to drift apart like this but she started to become very angry and belittled my feelings and me myself by using my mental well-being against me and I just couldn't take it anymore so I ended up blocking her.

But I'm still hurt and sometimes I feel very angry at her but other times I miss her alot; even figuring out another friend of mines is friends with her I wish all three of us could be together as friends...

I am still very bitter about it because I miss my old friend despite our anger, sadness and misunderstandings to eachother's personal issues.

Do you have any advice on how to cope with a broken online friendship? And also for you personally how do you feel about a friend still talking to a old toxic friend?

I would really appreciate your advice and thank you for your time on this matter. 🖤

Hi love!

Thank you for trusting me with these vulnerable emotions. Allow me to first let you know that your pain and sadness over the devolution of this friendship are completely valid. In a situation like this where both people are going through difficult seasons and someone chooses to be hostile, please know that this person is too self-involved to be a good friend to you. While she may have her own understandable issues, you should only keep friends who ultimately enhance your life and support your emotional well-being. Her actions are a reflection of her inner wounds, not yours. So, by pleading to be part of her life again, you only betray yourself and your needs. Take that sentiment into consideration the next time you beg her to connect.

Hope this helps xx

[aurenzo]

There are quite a few comments on this post that concern me a little. Quite a few people seem to imply they think the cashier was right to withhold the condoms, because they think the 14 year-old shouldn't be having sex. I started at 15. Some were great experiences that were important parts of my social development, others were less good experiences that I rather would have missed. Some I was not quite ready for and some that I was. Some experiences I'm not sure were good or bad, too early or right on time. But I do know these two things for sure:

1: I would have done them even if I hadn't had access to protection. 2: Lack of protection would have made those experiences worse. If the stores that my partners or I bought protection from denied access to protection because of age, it would have made us less safe, not more. It's not just protection from disease and pregnancy that this affects either, the age-related sex-negative sentiment that I see expressed is going to make young people less safe socially as well. Despite the fact that broadly speaking, the Netherlands is by no means a bad place to grow up a man attracted to men, my hometown frowned down enough on it for me to not want to be open with my parents or wider environment about this part of my life, to avoid the scorn and derision I imagined might accompany my openness. So I only had sex in secret, with people I usually didn't know very well, in places outside the home. No responsible adult would know where I was or with whom I was. No-one could give me sound advice or help me with interpersonal problems I was having with partners or to keep me away from shady figures. I had to figure that out all on my own, advice online, and advice from friends, because I didn't want to be shamed or questioned for having sex as a gay teenager. I worry that this attitude of "people under 18-21 shouldn't have sex, and we should be making it more difficult for them to prevent it" is going to indirectly lead to a lot of bad experiences for a lot of young people. It prevents safe sex with safe people in safe places, not all sex, leaving only the risky methods, risky places, risky people. Lastly, not sure how much of this is just a few teenagers on the internet, but I sometimes see very young people who adopt this age-related sex-negativity themselves. Saying that people their age shouldn't be having sex (which is totally valid if that is the case for them, it could very well be true) and they are saying this to themselves and others their age. What worries me about this however, is that many of them are likely still going to experiment at that age, but have made the topic non-viable in their own social circles with people their age. What type of people leaves this to experiment with if they do end up experimenting at that age? Who can they ask for support or advice if the adults in their lives would take away large parts of their autonomy if they found out they were having sex? I always had my friends to support me, do teenagers nowadays?

[rangerhippolord]

Headmate packs and cocreation: applying a different take

When developing a cobud and/or helping them stabilize their sense of self, headmate packs offer a lot of content cocreators can use. While headmate packs often get bad reception for a variety of reasons, applying the concept is not a lost cause. For cocreation, I believe headmate packs need a different take and to be written with a cocreator audience in mind.

For those who don't know what a headmate pack is, it's a dedicated list of traits and descriptions for a given headmate concept. For example, I have seen some headmate packs describe the traits of one hypothetical headmate while others are a bit more general. Usually they list names, form descriptions, personality traits, and sometimes provide art or references. But they usually also list possible identity preferences for things like gender and sexuality.

From a cocoreation standpoint, this is an almost unheard-of perspective on personality forcing, despite it being very similar to some general personality forcing advice. I didn't see these in the broader parogenic community on Discord, Reddit, or the .info forums. They rarely came up in conversation either. While there is advice on looking up character traits and some personality trait lists, there are certainly no dedicated lists for one hypothetical headmate. However, in the rare instances they are discussed, the reception of them is often negative.

The barrier of cocreator disapproval

Cocreators tend to have a negative reaction to headmate packs. I suspect this is because of general attitudes about personality forcing in general and the different context of having cobuds vs having other plural headmates.

A lot of cocreators disapprove of personality forcing in general. There is a lot of fear cocreators will demand for their cobud to act a particular way and get upset when their cobud deviates. The idea of giving and then expecting a cobud to maintain certain negative traits is also problematic. Given this popular perspective, it's not surprising to me that nobody would think of making headmate packs, or if they did, never want to post them.

In regards of cobuds who are expected to be their own people, I agree with this perspective to some extent. I think fears of hosts being too controlling are overblown and these extreme cases are a lot more rare than perceived. However, I think it's wrong to create bad expectations for your cobud or make their personality so specific they feel discouraged from deviating.

I also suspect rejection and sometimes hostility towards headmate packs is a systemhood context problem. I'm assuming alters who need some extra personality forcing help may feel acknowledged and validated by seeing certain negative traits given their trauma and coping mechanisms. However, a cocreator looking for personality resources is likely creating a cobud from scratch, so their cobud likely wouldn't feel the same way and instead feel disregarded as a person. While there are cobuds that developed accidentally from stories and roleplays, odds are good they won't need further personality forcing or headmate packs. Plus, it's not weird for accidental hosts to feel shame for giving their cobud negative traits. Thus, the idea of giving a cobud strict and negative personality traits is hugely unpopular.

While more of a personal gripe, I'm not a huge fan of the idea of selling headmate packs. It's not selling headmates like some assholes claim it to be, but I really like the idea of cocreation being free. Of course, making these takes time and energy, and making money to survive is important. I'm privileged because I'm in a position where I can write my content for free, but others are not so lucky. Since some headmate packs are so personal, commissioning them isn't that weird of a concept, even if I disagree with it.

Applying a cocreator's perspective

Not having headmate packs for cocreators is a shame because it's another approach to personality forcing some may find really helpful. For a developing and/or blurry cobud, even something as simple as a name can mean a lot to them. Just having the affirmation, "I am (name)" can help ground them and distinguish themself from another headmate, whether it's their host or any other system member. So a resource that not only has a list of names, but form descriptions, maybe art, and personality traits? That's even more content a developing headmate can grip onto as they experiment with and expand their sense of self. Cobuds feel a lot of pressure to distinguish themselves and make themselves appealing to their hosts (a post I can write another time), so a few stable expectations like a name and basic form can reduce their stress.

I'm interested in exploring headmate pack creation in the future, but I would go about it in a very different way. First, I want to make more general packs to avoid any two cobuds having the same names and general basic personalities. Second, I would list resources so a curious cocreator can expand on the listed ideas and apply their own. Third, I wouldn't include negative traits because that wouldn't help developing cobuds.

I think there's a lot of potential and I'm excited to explore the concept. But I will keep in mind what would and wouldn't work for a cocreator audience.