#and that's okay! and should be acknowledged!!! and allow us to give ourselves permission to broaden our horizons

[dfroza]

A link to my personal reading of the Scriptures

for the 2nd of April 2025 with a paired chapter from each Testament (the First & the New Covenant) of the Bible

[The Letter of 1st Timothy, Chapter 2 • The Book of 2nd Chronicles, Chapter 29]

along with Today’s reading from the ancient books of Proverbs and Psalms with Proverbs 2 and Psalm 2 coinciding with the day of the month, accompanied by Psalm 14 for the 14th day of Astronomical Spring, and Psalm 92 for day 92 of the year (with the consummate book of 150 Psalms in its 1st revolution this year)

A post by John Parsons:

Teshuvah of the Soul...

"Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance" (Luke 5:31-32). Every one of us has a "dark side" or a "shadow self" that has destructive and selfish urges. We try to conceal this truth from others (and even ourselves) but such denial doesn't change the reality within our hearts (Matt. 5:19; Jer. 17:9; Eccl. 9:3). Indeed, when we pretend to be something we are not we are more likely to be overwhelmed by dark forces hidden within us. We are most vulnerable when we think we are well, that is, when we deny our sickness our heart and minimize our need for deliverance.

Self-deception is so dangerous because it engenders double-mindedness. Paradoxically if we hide the truth about the sin that “so easily besets us” and pretend that we are essentially good, we sin, as it is written: “If we say that we have no sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8). God knows that a “divided house cannot stand.”

We are delivered from chaotic inner conflict when we confess the truth. “Confess your faults one to another and you shall be healed” (James 5:16). Confession allows us to acknowledge the dark passions that sometimes overmaster our best intentions. We must give ourselves permission to allow the hurt, angry, and fearful voices to be heard and sanctioned within us - and then to bring these dark and hidden aspects of our selves before God for healing. The failure to do so will split the soul and cause the hidden aspects of the self to seek “revenge” upon the “parent self” that censors their message. The struggle within our hearts is real and we should attend to it seriously. Denying evil by pretending that we are okay, or by blaming others, blinds us to the truth of our ongoing need for deliverance. May God help each of us to be honest with ourselves and to confess our great need before our Heavenly Father.

Why do we have such difficulty being genuinely honest with ourselves? Despite the fact that we may profess that we are “sinners saved by grace,” we often make excuses for our failures, rationalizing that we are not “that bad,” and therefore we postpone genuine teshuvah (repentance) and trifle with our spiritual lives. We do this because we feel an almost irresistible desire or “need” to justify ourselves, to “save face” by pretending that we are not “incurably sick,” or by attempting to find something about us that makes feel valuable and worthy. As H.L. Mencken once wittingly noted, "the 'truth' that survives is simply the lie that is pleasantest to believe."

The LORD wants us to be truthful in the "inward being" (Psalm 51:6), though that truth will cost us something, namely whatever worldly gains we might find through self-deception... Opening our hearts to divine examination eventually means colliding with the world of men and their conspiracies, since the godly man no longer abides their presence (Psalm 1:1-2). The Apostle Paul said there was an exclusive disjunction between seeking the approval of men and of the approval of God: “Do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of the Messiah (Gal. 1:10). Likewise we are told not to deceive ourselves (lit., "reason around" the truth, from παραλογί��ομαι, from παρά, "around, beside" and λογίζομαι, "to reason") by merely hearing the truth of Scripture and not living it (James 1:22). God is not interested in “lip service” any more than he desires heartless sacrifice (Isa. 29:13; Hos. 6:6; Matt. 15:9). "Let your love be genuine (ἀνυπόκριτος, without a "mask" put on), abhor what is evil; cling to what is good (Rom. 12:9). God abhors those who pretend to know Him but who are really spiritual impostors (Matt. 7:21-23; 25:11-12; Luke 6:46).

Tragically (and paradoxically) many people can talk themselves into believing something without really believing it, and that is perhaps the most dangerous thing of all (Matt. 7:22-23). On the other hand, some people can talk themselves into believing (or accepting) something that they know is untrue (or morally wrong), and that self-deception leads to inner fragmentation, chaos, and dissolution of character. A "double-minded man is unstable in all his ways" (James 1:8). As I have said before, the word translated "double-minded" is dipsuchos (δίψυχος), a word formed from δίς, "twice" and ψυχή, "soul." The word describes the spiritual condition of having "two souls" that both want different things at once -- a state of inner contradiction and ambivalence.

The Hebrew word “shalom” (שלום) means to be made whole or complete. We are to love God with “all our heart,” and that means the “good heart” and the “bad heart” as well. The temptation to sin often comes from hidden disappointment, anger, fear, and so on. “Mortifying” the lower nature comes by accepting the truth that God is doing a miracle in you, despite the brokenness and sin that is part of your life.

One day our salvation will be complete and we will forever be healed and filled with God’s shalom. Until then we will wrestle with our faith as we trust God to transform and deliver our souls, even healing the evil within us for the praise of his Name!

[ Hebrew for Christians ]

========

Psalm 51:6 reading:

https://hebrew4christians.com/Blessings/Blessing_Cards/psalm51-6-jjp.mp3

Hebrew page:

https://hebrew4christians.com/Blessings/Blessing_Cards/psalm51-6-lesson.pdf

4.1.25 • Facebook

from Israel365

Today’s message (Days of Praise) from the Institute for Creation Research

[joshuaongko]

I came across a quote not too long ago that made me pause. It wasn’t dramatic, or even long, but it hit me like a whisper that echoes long after the sound is gone. It says:

"It made me wonder how many times we forgive just because we don’t want to lose someone, even if they don’t deserve our forgiveness." – Deb Caletti

Let that sink in for a moment.

Because when I read that, I felt seen.

How many of us have done exactly that? How many of us have offered forgiveness, not because the wound has healed, but because we were afraid the relationship would end if we didn’t? Because we were afraid of the silence that might follow? Afraid of losing someone we cared about—even when they were the ones who hurt us?

We say “It’s okay,” We say “I understand,” We say “Let’s just move on.” But inside, we’re still holding that pain. We’re still grieving, not just the action, but the realization that someone we love could hurt us that way—and sometimes never even say sorry.

We forgive to keep the peace. To keep the relationship. To keep the illusion that everything is fine.

But is it?

And here’s the real question: What does that kind of forgiveness cost us?

When we give forgiveness to people who haven’t changed… who haven’t acknowledged their actions… who keep doing the same thing again and again… are we really forgiving them, or are we betraying ourselves?

Forgiveness, in its purest form, is beautiful. It’s healing. It’s powerful. It sets us free from bitterness. It opens doors for reconciliation and growth.

But when forgiveness becomes a survival tactic—when we use it just to avoid loss or loneliness—it becomes something else entirely. It becomes silence. It becomes suppression. It becomes a form of emotional self-abandonment.

And I want to be very clear about something: You can forgive someone and still choose to walk away.

Forgiveness is not permission to stay in harm’s way. It’s not a sign that what they did was okay. It doesn’t mean you have to let them back into your life. Sometimes, forgiveness is simply saying, “I release the anger… but I also release you.”

We are not obligated to keep people in our lives who continually hurt us. We are not unkind for having boundaries. We are not cruel for protecting our peace.

In fact, boundaries are a form of love—love for yourself.

Let’s be real for a moment. Most of us have been taught that good people forgive. That mature people let things go. That love is about being patient, enduring, understanding. And yes, all those things matter. But love is not martyrdom. Maturity is not masochism. And forgiveness does not mean tolerating abuse.

I want to tell you something you may need to hear:

You don’t have to keep people in your life just because you love them. You don’t have to forgive someone today just because they expect it. You don’t have to carry guilt for choosing yourself.

You are allowed to outgrow people. You are allowed to love someone and still realize they are not good for your soul. You are allowed to say, “I forgive you—but I can’t allow you to keep hurting me.”

Because here’s the truth: Forgiveness should set both people free. Not just the one who did the hurting. It should bring healing—not confusion, not silence, not resentment.

So if you’ve been forgiving just to avoid losing someone… If you’ve been swallowing your hurt just to hold onto love… If you’ve been downplaying your pain so things “don’t get worse”… I want you to take a step back and ask:

What am I really afraid of losing? And what am I losing by constantly forgiving what doesn’t change?

Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do—for yourself and even for them—is to say: “This isn’t working anymore. I forgive you… but I need to let go.”

You deserve the kind of love that doesn’t make you choose between your peace and the relationship. You deserve to be heard the first time. You deserve to feel safe, to be valued, to be whole.

And you deserve to forgive… when you are ready, when it comes from healing, not fear.

So today, let’s not only talk about forgiveness. Let’s talk about self-respect. Let’s talk about courage—the courage to feel deeply, to walk away when it’s time, and to trust that the right people will never need to be begged for understanding.

You are not hard to love. You are not asking for too much. And you never have to shrink just to keep someone else comfortable.

Thank you.

“It made me wonder how many times we forgive just because we don’t want to lose someone, even if they don’t deserve our forgiveness.”

— Deb Caletti

[traumatohope]

From Trauma to Hope: A Journey of Healing By Brent Dempsey

Trauma can feel like an uninvited guest that reshapes everything in its path, often leaving us feeling powerless, broken, or stuck in a perpetual state of fear and confusion. Whether it's the result of a personal loss, a traumatic event, or an ongoing struggle with mental health, the impact can feel all-encompassing. But while trauma may shape our past, it doesn't have to define our future.

In this post, I want to explore how we can move from the pain of trauma to a place of hope. It’s a journey that isn’t linear, doesn’t have a set timeline, and often requires both patience and a commitment to self-care. But it is possible. If I’ve learned anything on my own journey, it’s that healing is not only achievable but transformative.

1. Acknowledging the Pain

The first step in healing from trauma is often the hardest—acknowledging the pain. Too often, we push down our emotions or try to avoid confronting what hurts. This avoidance, while seemingly protective, only prolongs the suffering.

Healing begins when we give ourselves permission to feel, no matter how messy or overwhelming those feelings may be. It’s important to remember that feeling pain doesn’t mean we’re weak; it means we are human. And in our humanness, we can find the strength to begin rebuilding.

2. Seeking Support

Trauma has a way of making us feel isolated. It can create a sense that no one understands, or worse, that we are alone in our suffering. But one of the most powerful steps in healing is reaching out for support—whether it’s through a therapist, support group, friends, or family.

Speaking with someone who can listen without judgment, and who can offer empathy and understanding, is crucial for healing. Sharing our pain allows us to release the burden we carry inside. It reminds us that there is no shame in seeking help, and in fact, it is one of the most courageous acts we can do.

3. Reclaiming Our Power

Trauma can leave us feeling powerless, as if something outside of ourselves has taken control of our lives. But part of the healing process involves reclaiming that power—slowly and steadily.

This might involve setting boundaries, taking back control over our daily routines, or engaging in activities that make us feel grounded and centered. It’s about reconnecting with the parts of ourselves that trauma may have dimmed, but never fully erased.

4. The Importance of Self-Compassion

One of the most significant challenges in the journey from trauma to hope is self-compassion. It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-blame or to believe that healing should happen quickly. But true healing is a process, and it requires patience.

Being kind to ourselves, especially on the difficult days, is essential. We must remind ourselves that healing doesn’t happen on a timeline—it happens on our own terms. And that’s okay. We are allowed to take our time, to stumble, and to start over if we need to.

5. Finding Hope in Small Moments

Healing from trauma isn’t about erasing the past or pretending the pain never existed. It’s about finding a new way to live with it—one where hope is not just a distant possibility but a tangible reality.

Hope often comes in the small moments: a kind word, a peaceful moment in nature, an act of self-care. Over time, these moments build upon each other, helping us reconnect with joy, meaning, and purpose. They remind us that while we cannot change the past, we can create a future filled with possibility.

6. Embracing Growth and Transformation

Trauma often changes us, but it doesn’t have to break us. It can be the catalyst for profound growth and transformation. As we move through the healing process, we might discover new strengths we didn’t know we had, or we might develop a deeper sense of empathy and understanding for others who are suffering.

The journey from trauma to hope is not about returning to who we were before—it’s about becoming who we are meant to be, strengthened and enriched by the lessons we’ve learned along the way.

Final Thoughts

Healing is never easy, but it is worth it. It is a journey that requires courage, resilience, and a willingness to face the darkness. But on the other side of that darkness, there is hope. There is a life waiting to be lived, filled with new opportunities, growth, and a renewed sense of purpose.

If you are on this journey, I want you to know this: You are not alone. You are worthy of healing, and there is hope for your future. Every step you take, no matter how small, is a step toward reclaiming your peace and embracing a life that is not defined by your past, but shaped by your strength and your vision for tomorrow.

Brent Dempsey Author & Trauma Recovery Advocate

TraumaHealing

[how2fit]

The changing of seasons can bring mixed feelings. For some, it might trigger feelings of anxiety as they may feel lost and scared of what’s to come. Others might feel excited about the idea of a new beginning. Every season brings its own set of lessons. Changing seasons can lead to a change of perspective. You are part of nature after all. You will experience changes throughout the year. With each transformation, you will begin to see the world a bit differently.   [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIMoP-Pee8k[/embed][embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIMoP-Pee8k[/embed]   Focus on the Tiny Moments That doesn’t mean you need to overhaul your life each season. The magic lies in the tiny moments. It’s the way you respond to your thoughts, when you practice the courage to say no to protect your peace, or when you choose positive belief over fear in difficult times.   It’s important to create space for the myriad of feelings that come up due to all the changes you experience in your inner and outer world.   Less is More.  Spending more time in solitude can put you in a place of calm where you’ll feel ready to unpack your emotional baggage. Allow your new perspective to show what it has been wanting to show you.      Prioritize what makes you happy.   September was all about simplifying your world. As the month comes to an end, take some time to look back at how your habits and routines have shaped your life. How can you bring more ease into your life? What can you let go to reset your emotional state? Give yourself permission to be an imperfect human being. You can’t do everything perfectly. When you internalize other people’s expectations, you experience a constant sense of guilt for the things you ‘should’ be doing. This guilt prevents you from even acknowledging how you feel.    Pause to question your assumptions. What do you truly want?   It’s normal to feel apprehensive about the uncertainty of the future. But don’t forget that life has always been full of uncertainty and you already have plenty of experience with managing uncertain situations. Your past experiences could be the catalyst for courage. You’ve got this. Every step that you take from a place of inner calm will illuminate your path and you will begin to see the beautiful possibilities taking shape.       Throwback 2023 - September End of the Month Message Throughout our lives, we experience a lot of fears. Fear of: adverse consequences the unknown failure being judged being lost being unhappy It's just part of being human.     The Journey to Overcoming Your Fears Sometimes life can feel very dark. Many of our fears develop from bad experiences from our past. More often than not, we tend to harbor fears without even realizing it. This happens when we believe them to be true. Fears prevent you from taking action. And as a result, you give up before even trying. It's okay to feel afraid, but each time you let your them consume you, you erode your ability to bounce back and feel joy. Changing the way you react to difficult situations is the key to living a fulfilling life. We have to consistently work towards overcoming unhelpful tendencies and embracing habits that help us become a better version of ourselves.     It Can Be a Good Thing Feeling a little overwhelmed with the idea of facing what you're afraid of can actually be a good thing. It pushes you to become proactive and find the right strategies to overcome blocks that keep you stuck.   [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8F46ExFgH-I[/embed][embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8F46ExFgH-I[/embed]   Most of the time things aren't as bad as we imagine them to be. We are wired in such a way that our brains tend to overemphasize negative events. Ultimately you have to decide what's best for you. Don't let your fears stop you from moving forward and finding happiness.     It Starts With Us Fears arise within us. But your strength too comes from within. No matter the circumstances, you have the ability to limit the power they have over you.

In order to stay consistent and strong through it all, you must believe in yourself. Remember, your fears can overpower you only if you let them. You can rely on your strength. It's time to take back control. You can find a way to protect your peace. You can move forward and create the life you want. Positive changes don't happen overnight, but we've got to start somewhere.     You Can Overcome What You Are Afraid of! Learning to overcome your fears is an ongoing process. With practice and persistence, you can strengthen your ability to overcome fear in life. For more resources on how, try these articles!  4 Common Fears Holding You Back and 3 Ways You Can Overcome Them How to Overcome Fear: The Practice of Facing What You Are Afraid of Photo by Christy Rice

[bsaac1-s]

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How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship with your Mental Health? 🦋

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♡ Ever since we became a teenager or an adult, reality hits us like a speeding bus. Suddenly, something clicked on us and thought “I should really start being serious” for the sake of our future. All the uncertainty in the world began sinking into us and started to doubt our capabilities and the decisions that we’d made if it was the right thing to do because we were scared that the path we’ll choose will hurt us, especially mentally. We began to think that being practical is more important, that sometimes we started to neglect what our heart speaks. We put a mask in front of everyone, hiding our flaws and emotions in order to show others our perfect selves. And that was the start of an unhealthy relationship with our mental health.

♡ We live in a world where some people think that mental health is just a mere illusion where when you tell others that you are sad, their reply will be “well… don’t be sad”. It’s not that easy because the way our brain works is so complicated, that’s why we should not be carefree in handling our mental health. If we think about “how” to take care of our mental health, the one thing that pops into our mind is the word “Happiness.” Some people think that in order to be mentally healthy is that we should always be happy! But I beg to differ, for me, having a healthy relationship with your mental health is allowing yourself to feel different kinds of emotions. If you’re angry, then scream, sulk, and let all your emotions out because your feeling is valid. Bottling up all your emotions will put a strain on your mental health. If you are sad, then allow yourself to be miserable and cry all you want. Don’t be scared to appear vulnerable because being vulnerable can help us to work through our emotions easier.

♡ Emotions are what makes us human and understanding who we are can help us better comprehend our feelings and emotions. We must always keep in mind that we should take a break if we are exhausted. Avoid overthinking everything because doing so might cause problems and anxiety. Instead, focus on the larger picture and everything will work out just fine. We should always put our well being first, because our mental and physical health is very important. And if we acknowledge who we really are, show our true and honest selves, we can have a good relationship with our mental health.

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“We should embrace the wholeness of ourselves, give ourselves permission to not be ‘okay’. It’s not about trying to avoid comfortable feelings but rather going towards them to get honest with ourselves and grow.” -Tai Gooden

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[secondpubertyscene]

8.14.21

This year has been one of major change. In Octavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower, there’s this quote, “God is Change. Beware: God exists to shape and be shaped,” and I think for the first time since reading it, I get what was being said. While I subscribe to the idea that there is a higher power of some kind, I also believe that we (as in, us as individuals) have great power as well. That power lies in our ability to change, to grow, to persevere. This year has been one of major change, and we really have to talk about it.

It is easy to look at this last year and think, “Well, that fucking sucked” because frankly, it did indeed fucking suck. I could write you a list of things that brought me great pain this year, unbelievable, undeniable, unrelenting pain that still lingers now. But, see, the beauty of it all is that none of that pain happens in a vacuum. Along with the pain, I’ve come through it all with more wisdom, more compassion, more empathy, more gratitude, more peace, more love, and more confidence. I’d like to share how those things all are connected, but first I would like to acknowledge something.

While I don’t know for sure if this is just an American thing, it does seem very clear that Americans aren’t fantastic at processing grief, death, and pain collectively. We often are encouraged to suck it up, to shut up about it, to not make others uncomfortable with our tears and trauma. I believe this is in large part due to the fact that American Exceptionalism doesn’t quite allow us to acknowledge when our systems have failed us or when we are suffering in the “greatest country in the world.” I don’t intend on participating in that toxic positivity or to dismiss the seriousness of the year past. I simply intend on acknowledging the nuances of my experiences, the complexity of it all. Now, let’s begin.

Without recounting every moment in large detail (in part because that would be far too much and also because I don’t need to relieve my traumas today), the events of the last year have been as follows: 1) COVID hit, 2) I had a severe emotional breakdown that resulted in a short stay at the hospital, 3) my grandma passed away, 4) I broke up with my partner of a year, 5) I was officially diagnosed with adult ADHD (inattentive), 6) I got into a PhD program for sociology (fully-funded), and 7) I moved to Ohio (two weeks ago now). So much happened in what feels like a blink of an eye. When you’re a kid, you think a year lasts forever. Now, a year feels like a couple months!

Anyhow, all of these things had super intense negative impacts on my life and most of them had super intense positive impacts on my life. Let’s talk about how. I won’t say that COVID had any “positive” impact on my life, because it’s still currently making things difficult and it is still destroying lives (full worlds) every day. The emotional breakdown that I experienced shortly after COVID began, however, was the impetus for some of the greatest change I would ever make in my life. It began with new therapy, medication for the first time ever to treat my mental illnesses, and a new relationship with boundaries.

Out of this breakdown, I came to realize a few things. 1) I wasn’t really feeling most of my life up until that point. That isn’t to say that I didn’t feel at all or that I wasn’t aware of my feelings all the time, but to say that most of the time, I numbed everything out that was too hard to bear. I didn’t cry, I didn’t write, I didn’t even take the time to try to identify exactly what emotions I did feel. I just lived through it and waited until I felt better. Or, I would breakdown with rage and then feel better. Therapy, especially the group therapy I participated in for a couple weeks after leaving the hospital, changed that in huge ways for me.

Because I was able to sit in my pain, in my discomfort, I was able to actually work through some of my issues. I began to identify the areas in my life that made me genuinely unhappy and began to grant myself permission to feel disappointment. I granted myself the permission to expect more, to want more. I granted myself the permission to set boundaries without guilt or shame. I granted myself freedom. It is an ongoing journey of mistakes and back-peddling and trying again, but it is mine and I am proud of it. Had I not had that breakdown, I don’t know that I would be where I am now.

My grandma dying is one of the most painful things I’ve experienced and honestly, I haven’t dealt with it all the way yet. I didn’t get to say goodbye to her in person, I still am battling the feelings of guilt despite knowing that there likely was nothing I could have done, and my chest still feels heavy thinking about her. Even as I write this, I feel that pain. I know she is not truly gone and that she lives within me, but oh, I do miss her physical presence. The nagging, the phone calls, the hugs, the cooking, her soft hair and beautiful hands. I miss her. Because of her, though, I have been able to rehabilitate another relationship in my life. The relationship I share with my mother.

My mother is a lot of things, but for whatever reason I continually forgot that she too is a victim of hardship brought on by nothing but sheer luck. In this last year, she lost her mother, the man that she loved, multiple cousins, friends that went back to childhood, and who knows who else. She suffered a lot this year and she has suffered a lot over the course of her 61 years of life overall. For the first time, I have been able to really acknowledge her as a full being with a complex history and understand her as a person, rather than just as a parent. I’ve set new boundaries with her as a result, boundaries that have completely change the dynamic of our relationship and will continue to do so as we both learn more about each other. Gone are the days where she relies solely on me for emotional support or financial support. Gone are the days where she feels comfortable talking down to me and then expecting any kind of favors from me. She understands and respects that I am an adult, that I am independent, and that I can terminate our relationship should it get to a point where I feel unsafe again. While this might sound like a threat or even negative, it is in fact quite the contrary.

We now share the belief that I deserve better from her and that my continued relationship with her is founded upon our mutual growth. That’s a beautiful thing that arose from us being pulled together by the loss of someone we both loved more than we maybe even loved ourselves. Thankfully, though, I have come to love myself more than anyone else on this planet. This newfound self-love and respect resulted in the severing of my relationship with my partner.

I won’t pretend like my ex was this horrible person because she wasn’t. She was kind, loving, intelligent, hilarious, unique, complex, and so many other amazing things. I still love her with all of my heart and have thought about her every single day since we broke up. It is not for lack of love that our relationship came to a close. The issue was that I needed more than what she could give. I needed someone who could really sit in my shit with me without invalidating my feelings jokingly because they didn’t know what else to say. I needed someone who could make me feel safe and secure, not fearful and insecure. I needed someone who understood boundaries as openings for futures, not closed doors. I needed someone who could show up for me the way I showed up for them, even when they hurt me, even when they lied out of fear. She wasn’t able to do that. She wasn’t able to stick beside me during the worst days of my life. She wasn’t able to see me beyond our relationship. When my grandma passed and our relationship was on the rocks, she made it about us. She didn’t stop pestering me about our relationship for long enough to give me support on losing someone who meant the world to me. I couldn’t trust her after that and I also realized, I wasn’t required to.

Boundaries in that relationship weren’t healthy. I felt unseen, unprotected, and sometimes even unloved. While I am sure that she has grown even more since we have parted, the reality is that when I ended things, I knew that doing so was the most fair thing I could do for the both of us. This is because I deserve someone who sees my value inherently. I deserve someone who takes the time to understand me, to love me, to see me. Not just see me and them together, but me as an individual separate from them. More importantly, I needed to be able to ask for those things without feeling guilty or bad. As of now, I still don’t know that she sees me as me, as a singular person, and maybe she never will. That is okay. I still love her anyway. I just love me more now. As a part of that love I’ve grown for myself, I also now have sought out more help for myself. This seeking of resources led me to realizing that I was ADHD and helped me change my life.

Being diagnosed with ADHD at 21 felt absolutely ridiculous. How could I be ADHD when I can sit still most of the time and have a pretty decent amount of impulse control? The answers came from my psychiatrist, breaking down the stereotypical understanding of ADHD and allowing me to find myself within the diagnosis. Finding the right combination of medication has been difficult, but what hasn’t been hard at all is finding more resources that help me manage my symptoms. It’s because of some of these resources that I am able to sit here and write this.

A huge part of ADHD is this perfectionist mentality that makes it nearly impossible to start or complete some tasks. Every time I sat down to write in the past, I told myself that I absolutely had to write every single day, once a day, or I should just not do it. When it came to this blog especially, I had so much shame when I failed to post for a long time or had a lull, that I would either consider deleting the whole thing to start over, or just never posting again. I realize now that those were just cop outs for my brain, that I can write as little or as much as I want because it is for ME. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it doesn’t have to be anything but what I need it to be. Waiting for perfection would have me waiting forever because it’s simply not how my brain works. Accepting that is a large part of how I got into my PhD program.

I’m not going to lie. I am still trying to figure out all of the feelings I have regarding this PhD program. I am shocked that I got in, shocked that I got full-funding, shocked that I am now in Ohio, shocked that I am in my own apartment, and overall shocked that I’ve made it this far in general. While I do not believe that I am stupid or not capable of greatness, I am realizing that I’ve always seen myself pursuing something more straightforward. When I was younger, I had a pretty clear idea of what I wanted to do even as those things changed. I knew what was required of me, I knew what I would ultimately do, and I took refuge in that. Doctors go to medical school. Chefs go to culinary school. Forensic anthropologists get masters degrees and do field work. It felt clear cut, straightforward, safe. This is uncharted territory. What do you do post PhD? What do you do DURING PhD years? I suppose I’ll just have to find out!

Anyhow, this year has been intense. Change is always present in our lives and sometimes it brings with gifts that we can only receive when we’re healed enough to take them. I’m hoping to keep healing, keep growing, keep loving, and keep going. I’m learning so much about myself and about the world. I’m loving myself more than I have in the past. I am incredibly proud of where I am. And I’m not done yet.

[b0n-chann]

Hi you guys! So I’m just going to say it now, I split up this last part into two so there will be a total of four chapters in this series. I had it all put together but it was such a behemoth of a fic, splitting it in half seemed more manageable. AND. I’m happy where this half is after edits so I got it out early 🤗.

For my regular readers, you’ll find that a part of the back half of this fic sounds familiar, I ended up using the soulmate prompt because it just fit so perfectly. I did edit it a bit so that it fit better but the idea is the same.

I’m finishing up part 4 soon, and then I’ll start edits but it shouldn’t take too long to post!

To Love And Protect (Part 3)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

“Do it.”

“Do what?”

“Just get it over with. I’d rather you kill me than some Imp.”

“I told you. I am no longer a hunter. I am a nurse droid.”

“Look. I appreciate what you did for her and for the kid, but IGs are all hunters.”

“Not this one. I was reprogrammed. I need to remove your helmet if I am to save you as your wife wished.”

“My wife? No, she’s not my wife. But try it and I’ll kill you. It is forbidden. No living thing has seen me without my helmet since I swore the Creed.” But as much as he respected the Creed, he has never wanted to break his oath more if it meant coming back to you.

“I am not a living thing.” The droid reminds him, and the Mandalorian’s helmet hisses as IG-11 removes it from Din’s head. A spray appears out of his hand. “This is a bacta spray. It will heal you in a matter of hours. You have suffered damage to your central processing unit.” He begins to spray the side of Din’s head, it’s cooling mist already having an effect on him.

Din looks up at him confused. “You mean my brain?”

“That was a joke. It is meant to put you at ease. Your wife didn’t seem to understand that I make jokes either.”

“I told you, she’s not my wife.” Even though I’d like her to be, he added that thought to himself.

“Well, now that I have healed you, you can make her your wife. Or have I mistaken your feelings for her?” The droid pulls the Mandalorian to a sitting position. Images of living a happy life with you and the kid flash through Din’s head. Yes, that is exactly what he wanted, but he still felt unnerved that the droid could know so much about him.

“No, but I have a lot to make up for with her.” Din stands by himself, the bacta spray already working it’s magic.

“Oh, yes. You did upset the miss a great deal when you left.” The droid looked over to Din, as is assessing him. “How do you feel?”

“Like I got hit by a ship, but I’ll survive.”

“Good.” IG-11 walks up to the Mandalorian before punching him in the gut. Din doubles over in pain, the wind knocked out of him.

“What was that for?!” He gasps, holding onto a table trying to regain his breath.

“I thought I told you. You upset the miss. I am merely, how do you humans say it, ‘paying you back’”. Din guffaws at this.

“I guess I deserved that.”

“You did.”

———————

You make your way through the sewer tunnels, Cara next to you and Karga bringing up the rear.

“Hey,” Cara says quietly to you, “what was that back there? I know the little womp rat has freak of nature powers but it looked like you were doing something too?” She asks genuinely interested. Cara has always been trustworthy so you figure it’s safe to tell her at least something.

“I don’t know what to call it, but I’ve had these abilities for as long as I can remember. I’ve been able to move objects with my mind and my parents were terrified of me when I was a small girl. As I got older it’s gotten easier to control.” You pause for a moment and look at the shock trooper. There was no judgement in her face, just curiosity. “I have a strange connection to the kid, I’m able to feel his presence. It’s how I actually met the Mandalorian. I had been wandering around looking for something and literally ran into them after they escaped Nevarro. Little did I know that that something was this little one,” you say, nudging the child who babbles happily at you. Your heart aches as you think about Din but you continue to move forward. It’s what he would have wanted.

“I punched him for you, you know.”

“What? When?”

“On our way here. He told me a little bit of what happened and I clocked him for being a stupid man.” You laugh, loudly. Gods you loved Cara Dune. “But I know he was trying to protect you. It was eating him up the entire way here.”

“He’s always been so complicated.”

“Stupid is more like it.”

“Hey, I don’t appreciate that.” Your heads both whip behind you and you watch in amazement as IG-11 helps Din walk towards you. Before you even realize what you’re doing, you’ve walked back to meet them.

“Hi, Beautful,” he says, still sagging heavily on the droid, but he uses his free hand to play with the ends of your hair before moving to put his hand on the Child’s head.

“You’re okay,” you breathe out. He looks a little worse for wear but he’s here and alive.

“I fixed his central processing unit,” IG responds and you laugh; a full body laugh that forces you’re head to tilt back and the Mandalorian has never seen you look more beautiful.

“I missed that,” he says quietly. He removes his weight from the droid and slowly stands upright. You step closer to him in case he needs assistance and he places a hand around your shoulders. “I missed this, too.” Being able to his arms around you and the Child was almost too much for Din, and he was thankful that you could support him. He quickly presses his forehead to yours in a sign of affection before returning upright. “We should get going.” You nod and look down at the child.

“Ready?” The Child babbles at you in return. IG appears next to you, his hands outstretched.

“I can take the Child, Miss,” the droid says. You place the kid in his care before placing your arm around Din’s waist.

“Thanks IG. And thanks for bringing him back.”

“It is my pleasure, Miss. I also paid the Mandalorian back for you.”

You cock your head sideways in confusion as Din tries to hold in his laughter as he realized what the droid meant.

“What do you mean?”

“He means he sucker punched me in the gut for you, so we’re even.” You can hear Cara laughing behind you.

“You ever hurt her again, Mando, and the whole world will be coming for you.”

You laugh again. “Don’t think I’m letting you off the hook so easy,” you start and you swear you can see Din blanch behind his helmet. “But it’s a start.”

——————

The group continues through the sewers, the smell of sulfur thick in the air. However, if feels like you’re headed no where.

“Ugh, this place is a maze. Do you know where we’re going?” Cara asks Din.

He shakes his head. “I’ve only ever entered through the bazaar.” He stops for a moment before taking his arm off of you and standing upright. “I’m okay,” he says quietly. You smile up at him and nod.

“The bacta infusion is working,” IG says from beside you.

“I’ll try to find some tracks.” Din begins to look around and you take the time to admire him. His ability to find something out of nothing always amazes you. “This way.” He points left and the group follows. It feels as if the turns are endless but Din shows no signs of slowing down. How did the covert ever find themselves down here? You’re lost in your thoughts until you almost walk right into Din and you realize he’s stopped. You become concerned when he falls to his knees, worried that his injuries have worsened but stare in horror at what’s in front of him. A large pile of abandoned Mandalorian armor.

You hesitantly move closer to Din before putting your hand on his shoulder. “Din...”

“I can’t leave it like this.”

“I know, let us help you.” He finds your hand on his shoulder and gives it a squeeze. He turns his head towards Karga.

“Did you know about this? Was this the work of your bounty hunters?” Din spat, and you’ve never heard him so spiteful.

“No. When you left the system and took the prize, the fighting ended and the hunters melted away. You know how it is. They’re mercenaries. They’re not zealots.” Din gets up abruptly and approaches the man.

“Did you do this? Did you?!” He all but yells, pointing a finger at his chest.

“It was not his fault.” A modulated female voice comes out of nowhere and everyone turns to face her. “We revealed ourselves. We knew what could happen if we left the covert. The Imperials arrived shortly thereafter. This,” she says, her arm outstretched to the armor, “is what resulted.”

“Did any survive?”

“I hope so. Some may have escaped off-world.”

“Come with us.”

“No. I will not abandon this place until I have salvaged what remains.” The Armorer places one last helmet on her cart before pushing it away. Din looks towards you before following her. You hesitantly make your way forwards further into the tunnels.

You watch as the Armorer puts a piece of armor in the forge, never having seen anything like it.

“Show me the one whose safety deemed such destruction.” IG steps forward, showing the Child to her.

“This is the one.” You move away from Din, releasing his hand, which the Armorer did not fail to miss. You make your way to IG and the Child, patting his head affectionately.

“This is the one you hunted, then saved?”

“Yes. The one that saved me as well.”

“From the mudhorn.”

“Yes.”

“It looks helpless.” The Child coos but you decide to keep quiet, allowing Din to speak.

“He is injured, but he is not helpless. His species can move objects with their minds, however...” he stops and looks over to you as if asking for your permission. You nod allowing him to share your secret. “However, she seems to exhibit some signs of that as well.”

The Armorer nods in acknowledgement before ladling some of the liquid metal from the forge. “I know of such things. The songs of eons past tell of battles between Mandalore The Great, and an order of sorcerers called Jedi that fought with such powers.”

“These people are enemies?” Din asks, alarmed. He knows you and the Child are not, but if he were to find the Child’s species, he needed to know if they were hostile.

“These two are not.”

“What is he?”

“He is a foundling. By Creed, he is in your care.”

“You wish me to train him?”

“He is too weak. He would die. You have no choice, you must reunite him with his own kind.”

“Where?”

“This you must determine.” The Armorer pours the metal into a mold, but you are unable to determine what it is. If Din is to find the Child’s kind, you could be searching planets for years.

“You expect me to search the galaxy for the home of this creature and deliver him to a race of enemy sorcerers?” The Armorer looks up at him.

“This is the way.” She says before she begins her work, hammering away and effectively ending their conversation for the moment.

“Hey,” Cara says stepping forward. “These tunnels will be lousy with imps in a matter of minutes. I think we should at least discuss an escape plan.”

“If you follow the descending tunnel it will lead you to the underground river. If flows downstream towards the lava flats.”

“I think we should go,” Karga says.

“I’m staying,” Din replies. “I need to help her and I need to heal.” Before you can argue the Armorer responds.

“You must go, a foundling is in your care. By creed, until he becomes of age or is reunited with his own kind, you are as his father.” You look to Din, your eyes betraying your emotions. You are so proud of him, knowing how much this means to him, and you swear to protect him and the child with your own life. “This is the way.” Din can only nod at her, unable to find his own words. The Armorer walks towards him and places something on his pauldron. “You have earned your signet.” She says, attaching it to his armor. “You are a clan of two.” When she moves, you see a symbol of a Mudhorn and smile as you remember the story Din told you about the Child. It is a very fitting symbol.

“Thank you. I will wear it with honor.”

“IG, please scout the area for enemies. The rest of you, please refill your supplies and restock your munitions.” The droid follows her orders, but before he leaves he gives the child back to you.

“I will return shorty, Miss. Please watch the Child while I am away.” He says, not waiting for a reply before walking into into the hallway. You fix the Child in your arms before walking around the armory, seeing what you can salvage.

“Have you trained in the art of the Rising Phoenix?”

“When I was a boy, yes.”

“Then this will make you complete.” She shows him his jet pack.

“Thank you.”

“When you have healed, you will begin your drills. Until you know it, it will not listen to your commands. I will have IG hold it for you for now.” Din nods in agreement. He notices the Armorer’s gaze and follows it to you and the Child gathering supplies.

“You two are close,” she speculates.

“Yes.”

“How close?”

“I’ve never wanted to take my helmet off more than when I’m with her.”

“Why don’t you then?”

“I owe the Mandalorians my life. I cannot give up the creed.”

“She’s never asked?”

“…Just once. Earlier, in an attempt to save my life. But I refused and she didn’t pursue it. She knows how much I respect the Creed. She’s never pried or begged. She’s allowed me my space and respects that I cannot give more than I have already. I believe she’s my soulmate,” he responds truthfully and sadly. You never once tried to push his boundaries but have always been there when he needs you. However, he fears that one day it won’t be enough for you.

The Armorer assesses the man before her. Even under the helmet, her gaze is piercing, calculating. Din shifts slightly, he can’t help but feel a little uncomfortable. She is silent for a moment before turning her attention back to you and the Child. She has seen the way you and Din protect each other. She has seen the determination and fierce protectiveness in your eyes as she spoke to Din about being a father to the Child. Never once did you argue for more importance. She knows how much Din is giving up, continuing to uphold the Creed. However, she has never seen someone who isn’t Mandalorian respect the Creed just as much as you have.

“Do you want to know the hardest thing about having a soulmate?” The Armorer starts. “It’s not the separation in the beginning, not the endless nights lying awake, hoping and praying that someone was made for you. It’s…it’s the love. It’s too strong, and you can’t fight it.”

Din is surprised, he never would have expected such words to come from the Armorer. But then, he realizes, that the isolation is the same for every Mandalorian. Living a life underneath all the armor was as lonesome for him as it was for her, and the desire for acceptance and love must be the same for all of them.

“I’ve tried. Believe me, I’ve tried to fight it…but I’m always going to love her.”

“Does she know that?”

“I’ve told her once, before I told her to escape with the child before the troopers came after them.”

The Armorer presses something into Din’s hand. “I misspoke earlier. You are a clan of three. I realize now the importance of those two to you. I hope you know what that means.”

Din looks down to his hand. Another mudhorn signet attached to a simple chain. “I…yes. I know.”

The Armorer gives him a small nod. “Good. Now go. I will hold them off for as long as I can. Protect your clan; protect your family.”

“Thank you.” Din tucks the signet safely away as he makes his way towards his clan, vowing to himself to keep them safe. Blaster shots ring out in the hallway and you all turn in alarm. Din places himself in front of you and the Child, but relaxes slightly when he sees that it is IG returning.

“You are protected.”

“More will come. You must go.”

“Are you sure you won’t come with us?” Din asks. The Armorer has always felt like a surrogate mother to Din, and leaving her behind seemed wrong.

“My place is here. IG, carry this for Din Djarin until he is well enough to wear it.” She hands the pack to the droid. “Now, go. Down to the river and across the plains.” You, Din and the child linger back for a moment as the rest of your group moves through the tunnels once again.

“Stay safe on your journey.” She says before looking towards you. “You, especially. I have a feeling you are what holds these two together.” You look at her, curious at her words but know that now is not the time to get too carried away.

“Thank you.” You, the Child and Din leave the armory and catch up to the rest of your group. The future lay uncertain but for now, you’re together. And for always, you are family.

——————

Tag list:

@momc95 @electricprincess888 @maia-hocane @lamnothome @highonsoundwaves @tedpicklez @renreypoe @mabelleen @cryptkeepersoul @holamor @mando-vibes @lustriix @katialvi @spookyold-saintjm @sarcasm-n-insomnia @awesomefandomsunited @sentimental-ghost

[anime-alyssa]

princess alderaan - pt 2

one | two | three | four

tag-list: @ihavefailedyouanakin , @bitch-imma-head-out , @ravngers , @xxsirensong , @benskywsolo , @theroyalbrownbarbie

also on ao3.

“Just…don’t do anything stupid” “I’ll try but I can’t guarantee anything”

——

Leia had not stopped bragging to you for weeks about how she was right and how she knew you and Poe would be good together. She told you about how she threatened demotion, Chewie told you about how he threatened to rip his arm out of his socket (Poe didn't understand Wookiese, so you had to translate that for him, with laughter), and despite at least those threats (you also knew he definitely got more from other people, like Rey at least) he stuck around. He stole kisses from you in the corner of the Command Center, behind his X-Wing, and outside of your quarters.

You took late-night walks with him through the jungle almost every night. He told you about his life - his parents, his 'rebellious' phase after his mother passed and his job as a Spice Runner before going into the Resistance. You told him about growing up with Ben, the trouble the two of you would get into that drove your mother absolutely mad, and then living with your dad as a teenager on the Falcon and smuggling together.

Despite how the Resistance felt about your brother (the ones who knew what happened to him, that is), Poe let you talk about him endlessly. Which you were thankful for, because your mother got depressed whenever you talked about Ben or brought him up and you didn't think anyone else would care. But Poe did. He laughed at your antics and when you told him the story of when you two almost crashed the Falcon trying to get it to just lift off, resulting in two weeks worth of chores on the ship from your father as punishment. He really got a kick out of that one.

"I was 10 and he was 14 - he should have known better but how was I supposed to know better?" you said in your defense.

"Best pilot in the galaxy, huh?" he replied to you with a smirk, wrapping his arms around your waist in the moonlight. Poe didn't give you a chance to fight back because his lips were on yours in a matter of seconds. Every time you kissed, you felt butterflies in your stomach and felt sparks on your lips. He was a pain in the ass but he absolutely swept you off your feet, and you weren't complaining. His hand always found its way to your hair, gently knotting itself there as yours found the back of his neck, attempts to bring you two closer than before. You ended up flush against each others bodies - as flush as you could get with clothes on.

You and Poe had discussed taking things slow. You had never really dated before - who would even dare try to go near you with Han Solo and a Wookie for body guards in your teens - and Poe was just really trying to not screw things up. You only just got past the touching each other territory and exploring each others bodies in the darkened room of his quarters, and while he may seem like the type who would want to immediately move things to third base, he was ever so gentle with you and refused to do anything to you that you weren't comfortable with.

He made you incredibly happy, anybody with eyes could see that. And you did the same to him.

Currently, the two of you were laying on his bed, you in one of his shirts and him in just his boxers, dreading getting up for the morning. His arms were around your waist and his head was buried into your neck, sound asleep. You woke before him most mornings like these, knowing that you had to get back to your quarters with your mother to change and get ready. However, he didn't make it easy for you. The second you moved he would hold you tighter, grumbling about how you didn't have to leave so early.

"Only one of us can be late for the meeting, and it's not going to be me." you whispered to him after he finishing complaining. He let out a tired laugh as he rolled onto his back, bringing you on top of him. You softly kissed him, using this as your means for escape. He complained as you threw on your pants and your own shirt instead of his, getting ready to depart his quarters.

"One of these days, you're not going to need to leave to get ready." he said tiredly to you, slowly trudging himself out of bed to say goodbye until later. He wrapped his bare arms around you and kissed you again. "I'll see you later, babe."

"Counting on it. Don't be late!" you said, scolding him as you walked out the door. You heard him huff with laughter as you shut it behind you, making your way over to your quarters and walking in quietly, in an attempt to not disturb your mother if she was still sleeping.

"Why don't you just leave clothes at Dameron's quarters? You already sleep there almost every night." your mother asked you as you walked in. Of course, you couldn't get lucky and have her be sleeping. That would just be the kind of luck that you knew you didn't have.

"I don't sleep there that often." you mumbled, going into your bedroom to use your refresher and get ready. Leia scoffed, walking out the door and leaving you to get ready. Deep down, you knew she was right. You should just leave some stuff at his place, but your inner anxiety told you that doing that would be to much of a commitment between you two. You knew that you liked Poe a lot, but you hadn't even told each other that you loved each other.

Did you love him? Probably. But did he love you? You didn't know. A relationship was uncharted territory for the two of you. You knew that you had never felt feelings this strong for anyone else in your life.

Those were things you would have to figure out at another time. For now, you needed to finish getting ready to go to a meeting with your mother and the rest of the base. You slipped into some fresh clothes quickly, brushing your hair out as you went and putting it in a low, lazy braid before walking out the door. You realized you were probably going to be late as you walked out the door, knowing that you'd probably hear it from Poe as you arrived. Sure enough, he shot a smirk your way as you went and stood by him.

"Only one of us can be late, huh?" he said to you. You shushed him as Leia looked at you narrowly, beginning the meeting.

"As many of you know, not only are we low on supplies but our spy in the First Order has recently contacted us. They claim to have some information on the rumored return of Emperor Palpatine. I know we haven't heard any of this ourselves through our radios, but we need to take any crumb we can get on this matter." Leia said to the group. You sighed next to Poe, almost forgetting about the Palpatine rumors all together. He placed a hand on your back and spoke up to the group.

"General, I volunteer myself for this mission. Let me, Finn and Rey get the supplies and the information. As long as we have the drop points and coordinates, we will be fine." Poe said to her.

"And what ship do you intend to use for that?" she asked him. You felt Poe stiffen next to you, and you immediately knew that he was going to ask. Chewie made a low growl from behind you, signaling that he knew too.

"With General Solo's permission... the Falcon." he said slowly. Chewbacca put a paw on your shoulder and Finn looked at you from next to Rey and Rose, as did your mother. Sighing, you spoke up.

"Only if I'm allowed on the mission and Chewbacca and I fly." you proposed. Chewbacca growled out that it was a fair deal, Poe sighing next to you now.

"General Solo can go on the mission with you, and she pilots, Chewbacca co-pilots. Rey stays with me for training. You'll use R2 to save the transmission data, so he'll go as well." Leia said back to you. You nodded, as did Poe and Finn. Chewbacca roared that he would go get the ship ready for take off as the meeting concluded. You were just about to follow Chewbacca when your mother snatched your arm. "Be careful. And you - just.... don't do anything stupid." she said to you, directing her last statement to Poe.

"I'll try, but I can't guarantee anything." Poe said back to her. She slapped his arm and looked back at you.

"He meant to say yes." you said as you lead Poe away from her, Finn following behind.

"General, are you sure you're okay with coming?" Finn asked you.

"Yes, Finn. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have volunteered to come in the first place. Plus, I'm not letting Poe ruining my father's ship again." you said, walking onto the Falcon.

"I mess up the hyperdrive one time..." he mumbled as you made your way to the pilots seat. Poe slid into the seat behind you and Finn on the opposite behind Chewie. R2 beeped in encouragement from behind all of you, locking himself down as to not move. You plugged the coordinates in and with shaky hands, began to take off. You lifted off from the planet quickly, seeing the ground get smaller below you until eventually, you were in the stars and could see the planet below you.

"Prepare to make the jump. Strap in, boys. Lock down, R2." you said to them. Chewbacca gave you a roar of acknowledgment as you pulled down the lever to jump into hyperspace. The Falcon soared into it, leaving you a moment to catch your breath. Chewbacca called you out for your nervousness, and in this moment you were thankful neither could understand him. "I am not! Be quiet you." you scolded back to him. Poe and Finn looked between the two of you curiously - but said nothing to try and guess what was going on. "When we arrive, Finn and Chewie will get the supplies onto the ship while Poe opens up the top hatch to get the information from the spy loaded onto R2. I'll stay over here so incase we need to make a quick getaway, we can." you told them. Everyone seemed to agree, which made you feel better as you jumped out of hyperspace.

The second you did though, your heart dropped.

"Shit - cloak the ship now!" you cursed upon seeing a few TIE fighters in the area. Chewbacca roared as he did so and you sped up, buzzing past them. "Okay, we may need to make this quicker than we thought." you said to them.

"Chewie, go with Finn to the back and get ready for the supplies, I'll take over!" Poe said to him. Chewbacca looked at you for approval and when you nodded, he did as Poe said. "This isn't going to be easy, babe." he said to you.

"I know it isn't." you told him back, going in for your landing and lowering the ramp, also opening the top hatch in the process. "Get that information!" you told him. He nodded as he stood up, running with R2 following him to get the information from the spy. You were on edge, nerves kicking in as you just had a feeling that this wasn't going to go well, like Poe said. "Hurry up!" you shouted back to them. Chewbacca and Finn were back on the Falcon, ramp now sealed and waiting on Poe.

"It's almost there!" Poe shouted back. In the distance, you could hear TIE fighters closing in. "Got it! Close the hatch and punch it!" He shouted. Chewbacca closed the hatch as you hauled ass away from the location, TIEs now following you from behind.

"Finn get on that gun!" you shouted.

"Copy that, General!" he shouted back, running to the gun. Moments later he started to shoot as Poe made his way back to the cockpit, sitting behind you and Chewbacca.

"They're tracking us, you can't make the jump without them following." Poe said to you.

"No kidding?!" you practically shouted back.

"I can get them off our trail, but you might not like it..." he said to you. Chewbacca protested immediately as you took a quick moment to think. "Trust me." he said. Reluctantly, you gave up your seat in the pilot's chair and Poe took over.

"R2, lock down!" you shouted back to the astromech. He beeped in response as you heard him do so, strapping yourself in, nervous for what was to come.

"Strap in everyone, the only way to get them off our trail is to lightspeed skip!" Poe said.

"What?!" you nearly shouted at him. Before you could protest he already had made the first jump. You were thrown back in your seat as they escaped the first jump, flying through god-knows-where.

"They're still on us, Poe!" Finn shouted from the gunner.

"I know! Just trust me, we'll be fine!" Poe shouted back to him. He got ready to make another jump, but not before the ship ran alongside a cliff.

"Poe!" you yelled to him. You were ignored as you entered yet another world, TIEs still following you even as you made it out. You were fuming at him right now. Even if he was correct about this being the only way to get the TIEs off their tale, he was practically ruining the Falcon. You were thrown back into your seat as you made one last jump, through some sort of creature, and you were back in your normal system.

"They're gone." Finn said, running back up from the guns. You sighed with relief, desperate to get home. Poe turned to you with a small smirk after he landed the ship on the ground.

"Told you we'd be fine." he said to you.

"Yeah, at what cost to my father's ship?" you said to him, getting up and running outside to see the damage. Your heart sunk when you saw the outside of the ship was on fire, thankfully already being put out by some droids. In the corner of your eye you saw your mother and Rey, sad look on both their faces.

"Baby..." he said, reaching out to you. You turned on your heel and made way for your mother, tears in your eyes. He stayed behind and watched you go this time.

[dailyaudiobible]

07/23/2019 DAB Transcript

2 Chronicles 8:11-10:19, Romans 8:9-25, Psalms 18:16-36, Proverbs 19:26

Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. Today is the 23rd day of July. I’m Brian. It’s great to be here with you as we kind of buckle up and prepare for today's reading allowing God's word to speak to us as we do every day just kind of calming our minds down. There's so much going on for each of us in our own ways. Just letting that kind of recede into the background. It's not going away. Maybe when we come out of this time, we’ll look at it differently. And, so, we just give ourselves permission to let the Holy Spirit to come as we take the next step forward through the Scriptures this year. This week we’re reading from the English Standard Version and today second Chronicles chapter 8 verse 11 through 10 verse 19.

Commentary:

Okay. So, we’ve been traveling with the apostle Paul through this letter to the Romans and listening to him lay out his argument about the law and its purpose and so today we reach this point where we can start to see the implications of what this argument is, and it should bring us unbelievable hope. So, Paul says, “it's the Spirit of God who raised Jesus from the dead that lives in you.” Okay, can we just sit without for second? Like, I know where at the end here and we’re kind of getting ready to enter…to move into prayers and move back into our day but can we stay here for second and slow down and let that just kind of turnover in our minds? Because we’ll hold it as a theological concept or some kind of metaphor and not as a reality that penetrates our hearts. Say this with me, “the Spirit of God raised Jesus from the dead, lives in me.” What else is there to say my friends? Like, what if we embrace that as a reality? What would change? Because we know it. Like it’s this famous passage. Like, we know this, but do we know this? Like is this our reality? How could we ever feel abandoned by God, ever again if we believed that the Spirit of God who raised Jesus from the dead lives in me? Like, how could you be abandoned by the Spirit that lives with in you? And if you take some time today to just meditate upon that alone. It’s the Spirit of God that’s in me, the Spirit of God Almighty lives within me. Like, you know, I don't know how to…I don't know the right words to use to describe the magnificence of what we’re talking about here the monumental shift of what that would mean if we were continually aware of it. If we just meditate upon this one thing today and just think of the implications, just look at all of the different anxieties and I’m speaking to myself here and all the different obligations and responsibilities. Like, my life is no less chaotic than your life and I have no fewer invitations to lose it than you do. So, if  we just actually took some time today to think about all of the different things that seem to be flying at us like bullets, all the anxieties that we have inside that are just churning in there and consider the implications of what Paul has told us, “the spirit of God, the same one that raised Jesus to life from death after being brutally crucified as we witnessed in the gospel, that same spirit lives in me.” It’s like the biggest game changer you could possibly imagine. So, why aren’t we living like this? Because we’re choosing not to. We’re choosing other voices, we’re choosing our own voice, we’re choosing the voices of other people over the voice of the Spirit within us and frankly we’re gonna be obedient to whatever we have submitted ourselves to. So, let's consider today when the anxiety begins to churn up or when the depression seems to come down like a low hanging cloud around our head, let's consider whose voice we’re listening to because the reality remains the reality - if we are in Christ then the Spirit of God who raised Christ from the dead lives in you.

Prayer:

So, Holy Spirit, we invite you into that because it’s your Spirit that we’re talking about here and you are never not available to us. You have not abandoned us, you are within us. And we…we acknowledge…like…there's a lot of voices going on inside of our heads at any given time, like there’s all kinds of things that pull us, whether it's the voice of fear or the voice of judgment or whatever. We’re looking for your voice and your voice alone to lead us into all truth, to illuminate our path, to lead us on the narrow path that leads to life. We're looking for your voice and your voice alone. And, so, help us to silence the voices that are within us and reveal to us the voices that are outside of us that we’re giving a place that they do not deserve and show us how to silence that. We want to hear you. We want to walk with you and enjoy this life in you. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

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And as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, we are a loving community, we are on this journey together, we’re in this together and we love one another well here around the global campfire. So, if you are carrying burdens that are best not carried alone then there's a number you can dial, 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

[shareeanne-deactivated]

Everyone’s Doing The Best That They Can

“All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgment and lets me focus on what is, and not what should or could be.” ~Brené Brown

My favorite principle is this simple truth: Everyone is doing the best that they can with the resources they have. Adopting this belief has radically changed my relationship to myself and to others.

This idea has been explored by a constellation of religious, spiritual, and wellness practitioners. As Deepak Chopra said, “People are doing the best that they can from their own level of consciousness.”

At first, it's a hard concept for us to swallow. In a culture that constantly urges us to do more, to be better, and to excel,  “I'm doing the best that I can” sounds like complacency—like an excuse. But what if we took a step back from our culture's infinite growth paradigm and considered, “What if, right now, there is a limit to what I can achieve? Can I be okay with that?”

I first stumbled across this principle a few weeks after I quit drinking in 2016. It was a challenging time for me. In the absence of alcohol, I watched my anxiety soar.

I stayed away from bars and clubs to avoid temptation, but then felt guilty and “boring” for spending Saturday nights at home. When I met up with friends who'd previously been drinking buddies, our interactions felt stilted. I knew sobriety was the healthiest choice for me, but I couldn't accept the way it impacted my ability to be social. I felt like I wasn't trying hard enough.

I spent weeks in a frustrated mind space until I stumbled across that precious idea: “I'm doing the best I can with the resources at my disposal.”

At first, I recoiled. The high achiever in me—the climber, the pusher—scoffed at the suggestion that I was doing my best. “But other people have healthy relationships with alcohol. Other people maintain active, thriving social lives.”

But in that moment, I realized that my negative self-talk was an exercise in futility. It never boosted my inspiration or activated me toward progress. It just sparked a shame spiral that sunk me deeper into inaction and guilt.

So over time, I began to internalize this idea as my own. And as I did, I felt like a blanket of comfort had been draped over me. For the first time in weeks, I could sit back on my couch and watch Vampire Diaries without hating myself. It enabled me to find peace in the present moment and accept—not even accept, but celebrate—that I was doing the absolute best that I could.

I've found that this principle has been easiest for me to internalize when I've been going through deep stuff.

After a painful breakup last August, it took all of my energy to drag myself from bed in the morning. My intense emotions were riding shotgun, which sometimes meant canceling plans last minute, postponing work calls, or calling a friend to cry it out.

Because I was so obviously using all of my inner resources to get through each day, it was easy for me to accept that I was doing the best that I could. Throughout those months, I gave myself total permission not to do more, not to be “better.” For that very reason, those painful months were also some of the most peaceful months of my life.

Here's the thing, though: We don’t have to hit rock bottom in order to show ourselves compassion.

We don’t need to be heartbroken, shattered, or at wit’s end. Maybe we're just having a rough day. Maybe we're feeling anxious. See, our abilities in any given moment depend entirely on our inner resources, and our inner resources are constantly in a state of flux depending on our emotions (pain, stress, anxiety, fear), our physicality (sickness, ailments, how much sleep we got), our histories (the habits we’ve adopted, the trauma we've experienced, the socialization we’ve internalized), and so much more.

When we consider everything that affects our capacity to show up as we'd like to be, we realize how narrow-minded our negative self-talk is. We also begin to understand that everyone comes from a wildly complex, diverse array of experiences, and that comparisons among us are useless.

Consider how this idea can be applied in some more challenging situations:

The Friend Who Is Stuck In A Cycle of Stagnancy

This goes for anyone who complains about a monotonous cycle in their life but can't seem to break it: the friend who hates their job but doesn't leave it, or the friend who complains about their partner but won't end their relationship.

Those of us on the receiving end of our friend's complaints may get tired of hearing the same story every day. But our advice to “just leave your job” or “just break up” will fall on deaf ears because it's not that simple. They are doing the best that they can in that moment because their current need for familiarity and security outweighs their desire for exploration.

They are experiencing a tension within their desires, but don't yet have the ability to act on that tension. The limitations of their emotional (or sometimes, financial) resources make it difficult for them to move on.

By accepting that we're doing the best we can, we give ourselves the gift of self-acceptance and self-love. Only from this place can positive, sustainable changes to actions or behaviors be made

The Parents Who Hurt Us When We Were Kids

It can be especially challenging to apply this principle to those who have wounded us most deeply. But oftentimes, those are the folks most deserving of our compassion.

Parents have a responsibility to their children, and parents who hurt, neglect, shame, or otherwise harm their children are not doing their job as parents. But sometimes, our parents can't do their jobs well because they don't have the resources at their disposal. And even then, they are doing the best that they can.

More than likely, our parents didn't learn the necessary parenting skills from their own parents. Maybe they never got therapy to heal old wounds or never developed the coping skills necessary to handle intense emotions. This principle can be very challenging, yet very healing, when applied to parents and other family members.

The Binge Eater (Or Other Addict)

This used to be me, and it took me years to accept that even when I was in the thick of my eating disorders, I was doing the best that I could.

From the outside, the solution seems simple: “Put down the cake.” “Don't have a third serving.” But for folks with addiction issues—food, alcohol, sex, drugs, you name it—the anxiety or emptiness of not engaging with the addiction can be insurmountable.

Resisting the impulse to fill an inner void requires extensive resources, including self-love, self-empowerment, and oftentimes, a web of support from friends and family. Folks in the throes of addiction are caught in a painful cycle of indulgence, shame, and self-judgment, which makes it all the more difficult to develop the emotional resources necessary to resist the tug of the addiction.

But by accepting that they're doing the best they can, they give themselves the gift of self-acceptance and self-love. Only from this place can we make positive, sustainable changes to our actions or behaviors.

It's worth noting: Our actions have consequences, and when we harm others, we should be held accountable. But simultaneously, we can acknowledge that we are doing the best that we can, even when we “fall short” in others' eyes. Forgiving ourselves (and others) is an emotional experience that transcends logic or justice. We can make the conscious choice not to hold ourselves to a constant standard of absolute perfection.

Believing that we are all doing the best that we can opens our hearts to kindness and compassion. It allows us to see one another as humans, flaws and all. Next time you feel frustrated with yourself, stop to consider that maybe, just maybe, you’re doing the best that you can.

Sit down with a piece of paper and divide it in half. On one side, write down the voices of your inner gremlins. What exactly are they saying? Are they calling you lazy, selfish, mean? On the second side, consider what inner and external factors affected your actions or decisions. Consider the emotional, physical, historical, and financial obstacles you face.

As you review your list of obstacles in contrast with your negative self-talk, summon compassion and kindness for your inner self. If she is struggling, you can ease her burden by quieting the self-judgment and replacing those negative messages with an honest truth: That you're doing the best you can with the resources at your disposal.

About Hailey Magee

Hailey Magee is a Trailblazer Coach, writer, and digital nomad. She envisions a world where trailblazers are empowered to explore uncharted territory and unfurl a world of possibility - professionally, emotionally, spiritually, and more - to people everywhere. She has worked with over 100 clients of all ages across the United States and Canada. Learn more at haileymagee.com.

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[wrex-writes]

Rehab for writing injuries

You’ve heard of “making writing a habit,” and you’ve tried, but the pressure to write fills you with horrible pain and dread. You spend all your time wishing you could write but somehow never writing. The “make it a habit” approach doesn’t work for you. But you still want to write, maybe even regularly. Is there nothing you can do?

Here is an alternative approach to try. A rehab program, as it were, for writers with a psychological “writing injury” that has destroyed their desire to write and replaced it with shame, anxiety and dread.

If you have a writing injury, you probably acquired it by being cruel to yourself, by internalizing some intensely critical voice or set of rules that crushes your will to write under the boot-heel of “you should.” “You should be writing better after all the years of experience you’ve had.” “You should be writing more hours a day, you’ll never get published at this rate.” “You should write more like [Hilton Als/Jeffrey Eugenides/Octavia Butler/Terry Pratchett/etc.].” “You should write faster/more/better/etc./etc.”

You know what, though? Fuck all that. Self-abuse may have featured heavily in the cool twentieth-century writer’s lifestyle, but we are going to treat ourselves differently. Because 1) it’s nicer, and 2) frankly, it gets better results. My plan here is to help you take the radical step of caring for yourself.

1) First of all: ask yourself why you aren’t writing. 

Not with the goal of fixing the problem, but…just to understand. For a moment, dial down all of the “goddammit, why can’t I just write?” blaring in your head and be curious about yourself. Clearly, you have a reason for not writing. Humans don’t do anything for no reason. Try to discover what it is. And be compassionate; don’t reject anything you discover as “not a good enough excuse.” Your reasons are your reasons.

For me, writing was painful because I wanted it to solve all my problems. I wanted it to make me happy and whole. I hated myself and hoped writing would transform me into a totally different person. When it failed to do that, as it always did, I felt like shit.

Maybe writing hurts because you’ve loaded it with similarly unfair expectations. Or maybe you’re a victim of low expectations. Maybe people have told you you’re stupid or untalented or not fluent enough in the language you write in. Maybe writing has become associated with painful events in your life. Maybe you’ve just been forced to write so many times that you can no longer write without feeling like someone’s making you do it. Writing-related pain and anxiety can come from so many different places.

2) Once you have some idea of why you’re not writing…just sit with that.

Don’t go into problem-solving mode. Just nod to yourself and say, “yes, that’s a good reason. If I were me, I wouldn’t want to write either.” Have some sympathy for yourself and the pain you’re in.

3) Now…keep sitting with it. That’s it, for the moment. No clever solutions. Just sympathize. And, most importantly, grant yourself permission to not write, for a while.

It’s okay. You are good and valuable and worthy of love, even when you aren’t writing. There are still beautiful, true things inside of you.

Here’s the thing: it’s very hard for humans to do things if they don’t have permission not to do them. It’s especially hard if those things are also painful. We hate feeling trapped or compelled, and we hate having our feelings disregarded. It shuts us down in every possible way. You will feel more desire to write, therefore, if you believe you are free not to write, and if you believe it’s okay not to do what causes you pain.

(By the way: not having permission isn’t the same as knowing there will be negative consequences. “If I don’t write, I won’t make my deadline” is different from “I’m not allowed not to write, even if it hurts.” One is just awareness of cause and effect; the other is a kind of slavery.)

4) For at least a week, take an enforced vacation from writing, and from any demands that you write. During this time, you are not permitted to write or give yourself grief for not writing. 

This may or may not be reverse psychology. But it’s more than that.

Think of it as a period of convalescence. You’re keeping your weight off an injury so it can heal, and what’s broken is your desire to write. Pitilessly forcing yourself to write when it’s painful, plus the shame you feel when you don’t write, is what broke that desire. So, for a week (or a month, or a year, or however long you need) tell yourself you are taking a doctor-prescribed break from writing.

This will feel scary for some folks. You might feel like you’re giving up. You might worry that this break from writing feels too good, that your desire to write might never return. All I can say is, I’ve been there. I’ve had all those fears and feelings. And the desire to write did return. But you gotta treat it like a tiny crocus shoot and not stomp on it the second it pokes its little head up. Like so:

5) Once you feel an itch to write again—once you start to chafe against the doctor’s orders—you can write a tiny bit. Only five or ten minutes a day. 

That’s it. I’m serious: set a timer, and stop writing when the time’s up. No cheating. (Well…maybe you can take an extra minute to finish your thought, if necessary.)

Remember: these rules are not like the old rules, the ones that said, “you must write or you suck.” These rules are a form of self-care. You are not imposing a cruel, arbitrary law, you are being gentle with yourself. Not “easy” or “soft”—any Olympic athlete will tell you that hard exercise when you’ve got an injury is stupid and pointless, not tough or virtuous. If you need an excuse to take care of yourself, that’s it: if you’re injured, you can’t perform well, and aggravating the injury could take you out of the competition permanently.

For the first few days, all of the writing you do should be freewriting. Later, you can do some tiny writing exercises. Don’t jump into an old project you stalled out on. Think small and exploratory, not big and goal-oriented. And whatever you do, don’t judge the output. If you have to, don’t even read what you write. This is exercise, not performance; this is you stretching your atrophied writing muscles, not you trying to write something good. At this stage, it literally doesn’t matter what you write, as long as you generate words. (Frankly, it would be kind of weird and unfair if your writing at this point was good.)

6) After a week, you can increase your time limit if you want. But only a little! 

Spend a week limiting yourself to, say, twenty minutes a day instead of ten. When in doubt, set your limit for less than you think you’ll need. You want to end each writing session feeling like you could keep going, not like you’re crawling across the finish line.

Should you write every day? That’s up to you. Some people will find it helpful to put writing on their calendar at the same time each day. Others will be horribly stifled by that. You get to decide when and how often you write, but two things: 1) think about what you, personally, need when you make that decision, and 2) allow that decision to be flexible.

Remember, the only rule is, don’t go over your daily limit. You always have permission to write less.

And keep checking in with yourself. Remember how this program began? If something hurts, if your brain is sending you “I don’t wanna” signals, respect them. Investigate them, find out what their deal is. You might decide to (gently) encourage yourself to write in spite of them, but don’t ignore your pain. You are an athlete, and athletes listen to their bodies, especially when they’re recovering from an injury. If writing feels shitty one day, give yourself a reward for doing it. If working on a particular project ties your brain in knots, do a little freewriting to loosen up. And always be willing to take a break. You always have permission not to write.

7) Slowly increase your limit over time, but always have a limit. 

And when you’re not writing, you’re not writing. You don’t get to berate yourself for not writing. If you find yourself regularly blazing past your limit, then increase your limit, but don’t set large aspirational limits in an effort to make yourself write more. In fact, be ready to adjust your limit lower.

When it comes to mental labor, after all, more is not always better. Apparently, the average human brain can only concentrate for about 45 minutes at a time, and it only has about four or so high-quality 45-minute sessions a day in it. That’s three hours. So if you set your daily limit for more than three hours, you may be working at reduced efficiency, when you’d be better off saving up your ideas and motivation for the next day. (Plus, health and other factors may in fact give you less than 3 good hours a day. That’s okay!)

Of course, if you’re a professional writer or a student, external pressures may force you to write when your brain is tired, but my point is more about attitude: constant work is not necessarily better work. So don’t make it into a moral ideal. We tend to think that working less is morally weak or wrong, and that’s bullshit. Taking care of yourself is practical. Pushing yourself too hard will just hurt you and your writing. Also, your feelings are real and they matter. If you ignore or abuse them, you’ll be like a runner trying to run on a broken ankle.

I know I’m going to get someone who says, “if you’re a pro, sometimes you gotta ignore your feelings and just get the work done!” 

NO. 

You can, of course, choose to work in spite of any pain you’re feeling. But ignore that pain at your peril. Instead, acknowledge the pain and be compassionate. Forgive yourself if pain slows you down. You are human, so don’t hold your feet to the fire for having human limitations. Maybe a deadline is forcing you to work anyway. But make yourself a cup of hot chocolate to get you through it, literally or metaphorically. Help yourself, don’t force yourself. If you’ve had a serious writing injury, that shift in attitude will make all the difference. 

In short: treat yourself as someone whose feelings matter.

Try it out! And let me know how it goes!

Ask a question or send me feedback!

[marcusssanderson]

Why Do I Procrastinate and How Can I Beat It

Why do I procrastinate, especially, when I know better?

Why do I feel an urge to do something else whenever I start doing something important?

What steps can I take to move forward?

If this sounds like you, keep reading!

We are asking the wrong question, and I’m as guilty as anyone. It’s not, “Why do I put off the things I really want or need to do?” The real question we have to ask ourselves is, “What’s the pay-off I enjoy by avoiding doing what I say is important?”

Our answers may vary but see if any (or all!) of these apply:

I get to stay comfortable.

I get to stay anxious.

I get to protect my dream.

I get to avoid making a decision.

I get to stay small.

Why Do I Procrastinate?

Let’s look at the reasons why we procrastinate.

I get to stay comfortable…Fear of Failure/Fear of Letting Go

Are we ignoring the nudge to take an important step, and instead, holding on to what’s familiar? Pruning is a metaphor I write about often because it’s just that powerful.

We are often so afraid of letting go—of something, someone, maybe some job that isn’t working—that we will cling to the dying branches.

The thought of the void seems so much worse than the death itself. Invariably though, when we let go of what’s not working and what is draining our energy and resources, we make room for new growth. Usually it’s so much better than we could’ve imagined!

Maybe we’re afraid of failing so we never try? Sometimes the only way to know what we are capable of is to push our limits. We will either delight in accomplishing what we set out to do, or we will find out what our best is on any given day.

If we fall short of our expectations, we can celebrate that we did our best. As we continue to push our limits, we may fall short of the goal, but we will continue to grow in the process.

I would rather overestimate myself and find my limits than underestimate myself and never reach my full potential. Les Brown says, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”

Don Ward says, “If you are going to doubt something, doubt your limits.” If you think you can, you might be right. If you think you can’t and never try, you are definitely right!

I get to keep my dream intact…Fear of Lost Hope

Why does an ostrich stick its head in the sand? I don’t know, but why humans do it is a little easier to figure out. We may want something so much, but we don’t go after it because if we fail, we’ll lose our dream.

We would rather stay comfortable on our cozy couches, dreaming, hoping, praying, wishing and asking ourselves, “Wonder what it would be like to do that?” Instead, we could be asking ourselves, “How will I actually do that?”

Maybe that dream is all we have? Maybe our identity is so tightly wound up in that dream that we can’t afford to lose it? Maybe we keep our heads in the sand about a job or relationship because we know deep down, it’s not right, but we don’t want to admit it, much less do anything about it.

We disconnect from the part of us that knows the truth, so we don’t have to get out of our comfort zones and take action. Once we have awareness, it’s very difficult to go back to blissful ignorance.

Awareness may lead to fear but the cure for fear is always action! “I’m afraid!” Do it anyway. “I may fail!” Do it anyway, because either way, you will grow. “What if it doesn’t work?” It definitely won’t work if you don’t try, but what if it does?

“Who will I be if my dream doesn’t work out?” I don’t know, but who are you now, with an unsung song in your heart?” Personally, I would rather have my head in the clouds trying different things, than buried in sand, trying nothing.

I get to stay anxious, which is more familiar than calm…Fear of the Unknown

How many times have you said, “Tomorrow, I’m finally going to start that big project,” but then tomorrow arrives and you act against your best intentions?

All these unintentional choices can leave us filled with disappointment in ourselves, short on hope that we will ever act in a way that reflects our true desires.

How can we allow the greatness we have inside us to be fully expressed while the dark clouds of anxiety and shame are constantly hovering over a corner of our lives? Ahh, but maybe that’s the point?

By avoiding what’s really important, we can regularly sabotage our lives and continue to feel pretty crappy about ourselves. I hope some of you are wondering, “And how is that a pay-off, exactly?” It’s crazy, I know, but sometimes feeling good actually feels bad to some of us. So we do things that feel bad to feel better. Huh?

If we came from a background of chaos, calm can seem scary. By keeping anxiousness and unhappiness steadily flowing into our lives, we can have a leg up on anything else that might hurt us. In other words, we may feel we can control sabotage easier than success.

And this becomes a means of self-protection against fear of the unknown (good or bad). Nothing and no one can ruin our day if we’re doing a good job of that on our own! If this describes you, maybe it’s time to take a risk and try something different?

I’ve ventured out of my chaos-comfort zone a few times now and the sky hasn’t fallen. I’m learning it’s okay to feel good and that vulnerability can actually pay off nicely. Exercise one (below) is critical.

I get to avoid making a decision…Fear of Mistakes/a.k.a.Perfectionism

Perfectionism. The very word even sounds rigid and binding. Some of us may prolong taking any important action until we have the whole script written and we have everything worked out to the last detail.

While it’s possible life could happen the way we plan, more often than not, we will have to take action without knowing how it’s all going to turn out.

One way I’m learning that perfectionism is controlling me is by watching my vocabulary when I’m talking to myself. Should’s, and ought-to’s are a good sign that I’m trying to force a particular outcome or make myself do something I don’t really want to do.

Sometimes the should voice gets so loud, it drowns out all my authentic wants and needs. I feel paralyzed in overwhelm, wrestling with what I ought to do versus what I might like to do, so I stay frozen and do nothing.

Either that or I trick myself into thinking I’m taking action when I’m really just busying myself with other “important” tasks like cleaning out my inbox or getting lost in social media for hours.

I’m making progress in learning to trade in the “I should’s” and instead, ask myself, “In this moment, what do I really want to do?” I usually have an answer immediately. When I can mediate a balance between my wants and needs, and discern if there is any validity in the “should” voice, I can tap into my own natural flow and take action, without hesitation.

I get to stay small…Fear of Success

We’ve all heard the phrase, “We are never given more than we can handle.” I’ve always applied that to difficult situations and tough times, but I recently heard the idea that it’s also true for our talents, our potential, and thus, our destinies.

Fear of success is just as real as fear of failure. This may be the reason some of us constantly avoid taking important next steps.

In Nelson Mandela‘s famous inaugural speech, he quoted Marianne Williamson by saying, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

The biggest role we will ever play on the stage of life is ourselves! We must not be afraid to trust and follow the mysterious greatness inside us, no matter how unknown, unpredictable, or scary it may seem.

Change will happen at a speed we can handle. Me being all of ME, you being all of YOU, inherently came with the equipping we would each need to be that person in full. Being all that we are meant to become, letting all of ourselves float to the surface for the world to see is never a mistake.

It’s who we were born to be and it’s our role in the symphony of life. While this doesn’t happen overnight, we can all take a step in the right direction today by being honest and asking ourselves if we are hiding behind avoidance.

Solutions

Moving forward is a choice. However, understanding why we procrastinate leads to greater self-empathy, which helps us discover what we need before real progress can occur. Only then will we give ourselves permission to take action on our goals and dreams.

EXERCISE #1

Make a list of everything you’re avoiding or procrastinating about. Congratulations! Awareness and acknowledgment are the first steps. Now draw a line down your paper and for each one, write all the possible fears of taking a step in the direction of what you really want.

Then ask yourself, “What is the underlying belief holding me back?” Maybe it’s, “If I act on a dream and it doesn’t work out, I will look foolish.” Or, “If I succeed, I won’t be able to manage the pace of success.”

There’s no right or wrong answers, this is just you getting to know the real you—your fears, hopes, dreams and inherent beliefs. In a third column, write down the worst thing that could happen if you move forward in that area, and rate how likely that is to come true on a scale of 1-10. In a fourth column, jot down one tiny step you are willing to take and the name of someone you can use for accountability and support.

Strangely enough, one right action can give us just enough of a self-esteem boost to make another right decision. With each small, seemingly insignificant choice, self-trust and self-respect begin to return.

We’re motivated to continue. All the while, we remind ourselves what we really want and why we’re doing this in the first place. Our “why” must stay in the forefront, fueling our efforts.

TIP

Another trick is to focus on the journey rather than just the ultimate outcome. If we look for the gift—the reward solely in today’s small action—we may be more likely to jump in and do it.

If we slow down and enjoy the activity, we are more likely to find the willingness to take the next right step. Most of our lives are spent on the way anyway. Let’s have fun getting there!

Remember, good things take time. Living in a microwave, fast-food society, our inherent desire to pull up to the drive-thru window and have it our way is so much more appealing than taking small steps toward a meaningful accomplishment.

But we have a choice. We can dismiss the urges, desires, dreams, and goals that are going to take longer than one day, or we can do one small thing today (and the next, and the next) to get us closer to the goal.

EXERCISE #2

Visualize how nice it will feel to just do it (whatever “it” is). Imagine being free of the mounting pressure hanging over your head. See the goal achieved. Allow yourself to bask in the glow of accomplishment, self-pride, and the fruits of your actions. Doesn’t that feel great?

When the payoff for avoidance and staying comfortable becomes overshadowed by the payoff for getting it done, the scales will tip and suddenly we will have more motivation to be unstuck than stuck. We will do what is necessary to feel better and improve our situation. We will enjoy a sense of accomplishment for finally taking action.

BOTTOM LINE

No one can tell us when it’s time to move forward. We have to stay stuck until we’re good and ready to get unstuck. When we’re done playing around with a problem, we’ll solve it.

We already know what we need to do. In the meantime, we can accept we’re right where we’re supposed to be, getting the lesson and building up the necessary drive to take action.

Pretty soon we’ll do it and wonder why we waited so long! Usually, it’s not as big of an issue as we made it out to be in our minds … and in our procrastination. Cheers to your perfect timing!

The post Why Do I Procrastinate and How Can I Beat It appeared first on Everyday Power.

[thehautegoddess]

goddess spirit…how to deal with the end of a long-term friendship

much like romantic breakups, the ending of a friendship can be devastating.  i am at the age where i have had most of my friends for many, many years, so an ending can feel much like a death – and a death should be mourned. one of the things i have learned about long-term friendships is that people often just outgrow each other. sometimes it culminates in a gradual drifting apart, and sometimes it ends with one big bang – but the truth of the matter is that it is always because at least one of you are not the person you were when the friendship started, and things that used to work for you, just are not cool anymore. and that is okay…no one should be the same as they were 15-20 years ago. just like with any type of relationship – you either grow together or grow apart.

one of the themes i have noticed that had an effect on the longevity of some of my friendships is the presence of core values and character traits. i want to be clear that i do not profess to be a saint or to never make mistakes, or that everyone has to think just as i do. i do not claim to make all the right decisions, or that i do not have my fair share of flaws and ugly traits. however, as i have begun to work hard on myself to be a better person, i have noticed the people who seem to bring negativity into my life are those who are the most broken and unhappy within. do not get it twisted…we are all broken in some way, and all need to heal from something. and if that brokenness is coupled with a lack of similar values regarding what a true friend is and a common belief on how to treat people, you could have a true disaster on your hands.

when people aren’t willing to work on themselves, one of two things (or both) will happen:

if you stay around them for too long, they are apt to take their sh*t out on you, or

you will start behaving like them. energy is real.

i realized that i have allowed too many people to blatantly mistreat me, in the name of longevity.  we say things like “…oh, that’s just how she is…” or “…you know _____, that’s just her way.” but as i grow and do my work, i realize that this is no longer acceptable. you do not get to be an as*hole to your loved ones because you did not get the pony you wanted for your 5th birthday, or your life has not turned out the way you envisioned, or whatever the issue may be. we all have our sh*t to deal with, but it is so unfair to make your loved ones your punching bags. we all have exhibited this behavior to some degree, at some point or another, but it does not make it right.

my goal every day is to stay at peace. some days i am excellent at this, and on other days i fail miserably. i have recently started really taking stock at the energies that make me happy versus those that make me sad. and when i started to peel back some layers on some of my friendships, i noticed that there were certain energies that either more often than not, or consistently, did not bring me peace. why should that be allowed just because someone has been around since the 80s or 90s? that does not make sense, and it is not what God wants for our lives. of course, we are to take the lessons, forgive, apply them and move on…but that doesn’t mean that we have to stay in the trenches while accepting behaviors from others that do not feel good to our soul. and i stand in full ownership that if i have ever made anyone feel that way, then they were well within their right to leave my energy behind…i never want to be anything other than a blessing to others. if love is not what i am bringing, let me go, as well! and maybe we can come together at a later juncture, but the point is that everyone deserves to be at peace.

i am growing every day and will continue to make mistakes, but i am proud of the fact that i am not allowing anyone in my life that does not treat me well. i am always open to forgiveness and new beginnings, but some things are just not okay. i do not want to be mean to my friends. i do not want to throw them shade, and i do not want to speak ill on their lives. i am not perfect, but i cannot have people in my life who are comfortable being unkind to me…and i make no apologies for that decision.

and also remember that you have the right to feel your feelings. it is okay to be angry, hurt, sad, or depressed and to go through your process…like i said before a long-term friendship needs to be mourned. you cannot just bury years of friendship like it never happened. give yourself permission to get it all out. and do not let anyone make you feel bad about your way of doing so – do what you need to do to get through it. no one else’s opinion matters.

i wish i could never have another heartbreak or argument with a loved one again. it hurts tremendously, but these are the facts of life, and we must face these difficulties head on to grow. but one thing i know for sure, which is a recurring theme in my life – i always knew the truth in my heart. i could always feel the disingenuous energy, and i ignored it by chalking it up to that person’s personality, or whatever. the biggest lesson i have learned from these challenges is that the answers are always there. you always know in your heart who is really down for you. we just have to be brave and allow the universe to order our steps. it is very scary to break away from the old, no matter how negative or toxic. it takes tremendous strength and faith to modify a relationship that has been a constant in your life. but that is what doing your work is all about.

when you start to choose yourself and your peace of mind over everything else, miracles begin to flow. you feel like a weight has been lifted, and you are free! because nothing feels worse than thinking that there are thieves in your friendship temple…trusting access to your life and your secrets with the wrong person is probably one of the most destructive things you can do. but when we allow the universe to lead us, and acknowledge and accept the signs we receive, we will save ourselves so much pain. in one of my favorite books by Florence scovel shinn “the secret door to success” she states:  “misfortune is due to failure to stick to the things which spirit has revealed through intuition…” i believe this is the truth, because if i am being honest, i have never really been surprised about the ending of any relationship – romantic or platonic – because God always sends a pebble before the hailstorm.

i encourage everyone to honor those little pebbles of truth! when changing the current dynamic of a friendship, it doesn’t have to be a huge drama scene, but there is no shame in choosing to protect your heart and spirit first.

you are a goddess! love yourself! you deserve a life of peace.

let’s discuss in the comments. you are a goddess – love yourself! now go do your work 😊 until next time…” 

[aisudbury]

Maslow's Hierarchy and Sudbury Schools

I recently read a blog post that had the following depiction of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs in it:

This was a post on Universal Basic Income, but I felt like I could apply this version of the hierarchy to Sudbury Schools, something which has been discussed before at Philly Free School.

The idea is to view the school through the lens of this hierarchy. We will start with the security level as survival is something that is handled by parents.

Security

At Arts & Ideas, we pride ourselves that our students feel safe. Instead of a theater of security, we have actual security.

It is hard to observe this directly, but our community is watching out for all of its members. There is an attitude of not ignoring problems nor making them worse. Our students do push their own boundaries, but in ways that lead to scrapes and bruises if failure happens. They also push at the boundaries of our community, but our JC system pushes back before the lines get too far crossed.

The role of staff is to be the adults that can be counted on to take care of an extreme situation. Our attitude of not using an incident as an excuse is crucial to our being called in when our help is needed. If there is a problem, we are notified and we deal with it. We are not defensive nor sermony. This allows us to build the trust that provides this deep level of security.

Our students feel safe in their time here.

Belonging

The lack of labeling students, judging of individuals, or expecting certain outcomes gives a strong sense of emotional security to our students which very much is about belonging to the community.

With the adults showing acceptance of all students, other students also naturally accept others. They may not be friends and may even have minor squabbles, but the basic fact of existing as a member of this community is unquestioned as long as the boundaries of the school are respected.

Even when we have the occasional student that repeatedly or dangerously crosses our democratically established rules, the community does what it can to help the student stay with us and respect the rules. Our expulsion process requires at least 75% of the community to agree to expel. When we have taken such a vote, it is a solemn act, one that helps all of us reflect on how much we value our fellow community members. Even the loss of students who have been with us for a short, disruptive time are still remembered with acceptance tinged with a feeling of sad loss.

Arts & Ideas provides a space for our students to just be. In a world of commanding and demanding adults, it is one of the few places where they can feel they belong. It is why the staff do their best to work with the chaos of children in the office. Sometimes we have to quiet them to talk on a phone call or some other such need, but we do our best to respect that the office is just as much a place for students to be as it is for staff to be.

This school is their place. They belong to it. They have a community that does care for its members. We may or may not be friends, but we are a group.

Importance

We value students as they are now for what they bring to our community.

It is worth pausing and letting that sink in as a contrast to how children are often viewed. Far too often, adults are thinking about how a child can be valuable when the child grows up. Conventional schools are based on the subtext that children are not valuable now, but we can make them valuable in the future.

We say no to this idea. Our students do grow up to be valuable members of society, but it happens because we value them right now. Being valued is a natural human craving, for the young as well as the old.

If we reflect on what often irritates us in our adult interactions, it can often be viewed through the lens of not feeling valued. The same is true for children, but it can be even more important since they might never have felt valued. Rather they may have always felt that they were a burden on those who cared for them. It is, in one word, tragic.

We see a fire for life in our students and that fire runs our community. Every single one of our students contributes to our community.

At a basic level, we have the formal participation. We have Chore Teams, Judicial Committee  Teams, and School Meeting Teams which all of our students participate in. One of the great joys I have as Law Clerk is to pencil in a new student into the teams. I know that they will get the message that they are valued.

Their service is needed by the community and valued. For new students, this can be a startling statement that their opinions actually do matter. We have seen many a new student voice opinions and participate in voting on the teams. We do have a rule that allows their first term of service on JC to be done without having to vote. This was done so that they can embrace the offer from the community to contribute. Within a day or two, students start voting and I know from my own experience how warming that welcoming of one’s voice can be.

But our community receives far more than formal service to the community. Each student is contributing to our community in their interactions with each other. The whiteboard drawings that are scattered around the school, the left out creations, the kinetic energies, the conversations and jokes that abound, all of these are valued. We have an ocean of social experiences with various currents, eddies, and pools leading to adventures around every corner.

I should hasten to add that we do have students that often largely keep to themselves. It may not be apparent to many, but they are deeply valuable to us as well. These students give permission to all through their quiet example that being quiet is okay. There is a quiet serenity that surrounds them which I think awes some of our more vocal students. It is something wonderful that our community will value the quiet and the loud. We do not all have to speak up all the time. And when a quiet person does speak up, we all listen.

This can be quite literal, by the way. One of our JC Clerks speaks rather quietly and the JC Room becomes still as every member of the room listens with deep intensity to the words of the clerk. Far from being a detriment, the quietness of the clerk promotes a sort of unity in the room. Our louder clerks can engender raucous debate. Both lead our community in just directions and both ways are valued.

Self-Actualization

Confidence is what comes to my mind when I think of the most common trait across our long time students. Confidence is what one gains when truly being valued by others becomes internalized.

Arrogance is what an A+ gets a person, the belief that knowledge has made them valuable. It is shallow because it is not valuing the person, but rather valuing some trick that they have assimilated.

Our community’s value of the person is not from them being able to demonstrate some skill, but rather valuing them for who they really are. It is the difference between paying for a friend and having an actual friend.

To be sure, our students have doubts about their future and about what they may be missing from conventional schools. This comes from the lack of being valued outside of our community. While we can tell stories of the many successes of Sudbury students, including our own, our options are limited in what we can do except to help support our own larger community in embracing our students for who they are, right now.

This is why it is important to let go of being concerned about whether the children will read or can do math or whatever it is. If we worry about this, then we are giving the message that they are not valued for who they are without that skill. Survival, security, acceptance, and importance, they all work together to lead to the moment of someone truly valuing themselves. And once that happens, anything is possible.

Indeed, even when I see doubts in our students, I still see below the doubts a deep reservoir of confidence. The doubt is superficial, the confidence is deep. The longer they stay with us, the more true this becomes.

A successful future is all about confidence. None of us are fully prepared for what we will need to do, but those of us that are confident that we can figure it out generally do. Those who have that, such as our students, are the ones that will succeed in acquiring the skills and resources needed to accomplish any of their goals.

Humans adapt to the expectations of their environment. For Arts & Ideas, we just assume that our School Meeting Members will be valuable to our community. We are not judging them, simply acknowledging the reality of the present with the expectation that the future will continue in the same fashion. And thus it is so.

[dailyaudiobible]

06/26/2019 DAB Transcript

2 Kings 9:14-10:31, Acts 17:1-34, Psalms 144:1-15, Proverbs 17:27-28

Today is the 26th day of June. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible, I am Brian and its great to be here with you as we move through the center of the week, which I guess is why it's called hump day, we’re getting over the hump and moving to the back half of the week. But no matter what part of the week we’re in we’re always taking the next step forward through the Scriptures, which would take us back into the book of second Kings. We’re reading from the Contemporary English Version this week. Second Kings Chapter 9 verse 14 through 10 verse 31 today.

Commentary:

Alright. So, in the book of Acts we’re continuing along with Paul on his second missionary journey and we should note the way that Paul adapts what he's saying to who he's saying it to. So, in Thessalonica Paul’s in the synagogue, he’s opening the Scriptures and he's explaining how Jesus is a part of the Jewish story and a part of the Jewish heritage. And, so, many come to faith in Jesus and others are against him because they're envious or jealous and angry mob kicks Paul and Silas out of town. So, they go to Berea. Paul's in the synagogue again. The Berean’s are diligently searching the Scriptures. And, so, Paul's right there to interpret. Many come to faith, many get jealous. The they’re out of town again. So, then Paul’s in Athens where spirituality is very diverse but very open and he's talking about the unknown God because they worship many, many gods, including any unknown God that they may not have known about and Paul offers to them very concise, very simple explanation of how he sees the gospel. And, so, let’s look at that again. Let’s listen to what Paul says as if we’re in Athens and we don't have any of the background of the Bible, we don't know other than just sensing that there's a God out there. This is how Paul explains to a person who worships an unknown God. The thing is, we’ll all agree with it, we’re reading it out of the Bible. But consider, do you functionally believe this? Do you live as if this were the truth? So, Paul says, “I want to tell you about this God that you're worshiping that you don't know. This God made the world and everything in it. “He’s the Lord of heaven and earth, and He doesn't live in temples built by human hands. He doesn't need help from anyone. He gives life, breath, and everything else to all people. From one person, God made all nations who live on the earth, and He decided when and where every nation would be. God has done all this so that we will look for Him and reach out and find Him. He isn’t far from any of us and He gives us the power to live to move and to be who we are. We are His children, just to some of your poets have said. And since we are God's children must not think that He's like an idle made out of gold or silver or stone. He isn't like anything that humans have thought up and made. In the past God forgave all this because people did not know what they were doing but now He says that everyone everywhere must turn to Him. He has set a day when He will judge the world's people with fairness and He has chosen the man Jesus to do the judging for Him. God has given proof of this to all of us by raising Jesus from death.” So, there you go. We should find great comfort in that, great encouragement in that, but also put ourselves in the position of somebody who's never heard this before so that we understand the kinds of people that Paul is trying to reach and we should also notice that Paul adapts the way that he interacts with people based on who it is that he's trying to talk to, which doesn't mean he is trying to change his message, it means he's trying to enter a person's story from where they're coming from instead of trying to force-feed where he's coming from. A pretty invaluable lesson for us in this day and age.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for this simple concise truth of the gospel from the apostle Paul here in the book of Acts. It reminds us of the fact that we are Your children. We also acknowledge the fact that we don't know all that we think that we do and a posture of humility in entering into each other's stories is the way of Your kingdom. Come Holy Spirit we pray. And we ask in Jesus’ name expectantly as we surrender, as we allow You to have space and access to our hearts and our day and our actions. Come Holy Spirit we pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, its home base, it's where you find out what's going on around here, and there's stuff going on around here.

Coming up in less than two weeks, the 7th of July, is our annual Daily Audio Bible long walk. It's happening on a Sunday this year so it kind of makes it easier. And we do this every July 7th. It's a day to give ourselves permission to say, “look, “I'm in the middle of the year, I have journeyed halfway through this year and come to this point with the rhythm of the Scriptures being in my life.” And by now we can see what the Bible does as we put it in our lives every day. So, it’s a day to regroup and go for a long walk with the God of the Bible who is revealing himself to us through the Scriptures. Yeah, just to spend the day saying all of the things that there just aren't time to say. Like we’re just too overcommitted, too out of balance, we’re running too hard. So, we take this one day and go for a long walk, go somewhere beautiful whether near or far and go for a long walk and we can say everything that needs to be said and to allow space because the Lord has some things He's been wanting but we’re just too busy to listen. So, what if we took a day and gave it to listening and just spending time with God and appreciating that life is happening all around us and we’re ignoring it. That's the 7th of July and yeah, it’s a very individual thing, but it's also a very communal thing that we’re doing as a community all over the world. And you just take your phone. You probably have your phone or something with you anyway. Snap a picture of wherever it is you go or take a little video of wherever it is you go and post it up to our Facebook page, facebook.com/dailyaudiobible and then we’ll post them up and they become these beautiful little moments that we get to share with each other, little windows into each other's lives and where it is that we are on the planet and where it is that's beautiful where we are and we get this wonderful picture of God's beauty all over the world on one day. So, make plans for that the 7th of July.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible as we navigate the summer months, then thank you profoundly for your partnership. There's a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253, is the number to dial.

And that is it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello, this is Christy in Korea. I am a first-time caller and I have been listening since January, but I am quite a way’s behind. I’m actually 10 weeks behind when you were at the More conference because on that Saturday I was giving birth to my first child. So, I just wanted to share that God is really awesome and I know there’s a lot of women and men out there struggling with infertility. And my husband and I were able to get fertility treatment and now we have a beautiful healthy boy after a loss last year and God…God is amazing, and I know he has a made a promise and I just wanted to__. Also, I heard there was another listening from Korea. You’re not alone. There’s another listener here and I just want to say hi. And I try to pray…I don’t pray for everyone, but I do pray for some people and I want you to know that I can’t remember who you are that I do try to pray for you and that you are being prayed for across the world. And, please pray for my husband because he is kind…I don’t know…agnostic and I see God making movements and I would just like to see him making more movements and thank you for everything you do, and I will try to catch up. Thank you.

Hey family this is Viola from Maryland I hope you’re all doing well. Brian and Jill God bless you. Family I want to encourage you to give to Daily Audio Bible. As Brian always says, this is the summer months and things always slow down during the summer months. So, give and God will bless you. Okay. Doug from Alabama, I’m praying for healing for you brother in the name of Jesus. The word of God says in Philippians 4:6 that you shall not be __ for anything but in everything that prayer and supplication make your request known to God. And, so, pray brother. As people pray for you also pray. And I pray that the peace of God who passes all understanding will flood your heart and mind and God will give you wisdom on how to take care of the __ situation. God bless you my brother. __ from New Zealand I’m praying for little baby willow. Oh, my goodness. God’s such a powerful God. I pray that God will touch this baby and heal her body. You will call back with great testimonies in the name of Jesus. Father Lord of heaven, I pray that you will arrive with healing in your wings over little Willow in the name of Jesus. __ I’m praying for favor for your brother-in-law, that you will get that wisdom. You know, God has a heart for families. I pray that Give her favor and she’ll be reconciled, she’ll be able to be with your son  __ Tyler in the name of Jesus. Rob from Canada, I am praying for Jimmy your son. I know how disheartening that can be. Lord of heaven, I pray that you will touch Jamie oh God, Father you that made the __ go away in the first place, I pray that that __ will be thing of the past in the name of Jesus, that every __ body will die in the name of Jesus because it’s…the word of God says that by the stripes of God, that by the stipes of Jesus Christ Jamie has been healed. I’m praying for you __ my sister. I pray that God will flood your business with clients in the name of Jesus. And lastly, Ben from London, I’m praying for your daughter and fellow kids, that they would do well in their __. God bless you….

Hi, DABbers this is Christchurch New Zealand calling. I really need your prayers for my brother. He is a good man but in a failed relationship with an erratic woman who has turned his two daughters against him. This has been going on for 16 years but severe in the last two and I feel that’s gonna break him. He’s strong, fit, hard-working, self-employed and continually gives to their demands to the point of them living or often going without. He wants to see his girls. There’s always a reason why he can’t. Even if he makes a date they find a reason to go out and so he doesn’t see them. He thinks about walking away but is not in him. I actually don’t know how he can still go on because it doesn’t of the Lord. So, I’m asking my DABbers if they can break every curse of his life and pray for the peace of the mind…of his mind and from the pressure that he gets in the demands of him continuing having to find work. He needs a lot of money to find each week to support the family and that there’ll be a breakthrough for his family somehow, that they’ll just be kind to him, they’d be easier on him. He’s positive and he’s always for them. So, would you pray with me please. Thank you.

Hey, God bless. This is Matthew Fouts. I’m calling from Interstate 10 in Mobile Alabama. May God bless you from the South all over the world. The Lord has a word, His word is truth and His word tells us that we must look past our present problems to see the face of Jesus. You must set aside the problems that You face every day and look for the face of Jesus. Jesus is greater than our problem. Jesus is the Lord, He is high and lifted up and we’re all facing something today, we’re all facing a giant, we’re all facing challenges. His word says to rejoice. So, we rejoice through the trials, we rejoice through the tribulations and we say that Jesus is Lord. We yield to the Father, we yield to the voice of the Father and we say, “Father, here we are. Send us.” Father, we’re here to do Your will. We believe in His son Jesus. We are covered by the blood and You are greater than any problem we shall face. Father, we thank You and we love You and we love each other in the name of Jesus. God bless you all.

[trendingnewsb]

How to Be Assertive Without Being Too Aggressive

Have you ever been in a situation where you are in a group whose opinions are not aligned with yours? What did you do? Did you keep quiet or did you express your opinions just as they express themselves?

Assertiveness is a skill of those people who can express themselves straightforwardly, without stepping on the rights of others. However, not everyone knows the importance of assertiveness for both personal and professional lives. Some people find it difficult to be assertive. But what most of us don’t know is that assertiveness is not a unique trait a person can possess that others don’t have. It is actually a skill which we can learn.

Why Do Some People Find It Hard To Be Assertive

To be assertive requires three points of the triangle; the passive, aggressive and assertive . You need to find the right mix of these three important points to be assertive.

The Passive

When we were kids, adults always taught us to be kind and friendly to other kids. Most of us have adapted this teaching to a point where we oftentimes become hesitant to express our opinions and thoughts. We believe that it is not nice to argue and disagree with others.

We develop a passive behavior because we are programmed to believe that those who goes out of the norm and are not afraid to say what they want to say are rude, disrespectful and are often rejected. But what you don’t know is that by being passive no one else gets upset but you. We are stepping into our own rights and it can negatively impact our self-confidence.

The Aggressive

Completely opposite to being passive, aggressive people tend to fail in considering other people’s rights and feelings. They are not aware that by expressing their opinions, they have undermined the self-esteem and the rights of others.

Aggressive behaviors come in so many ways. By simply demanding someone rather than asking, rushing them or ignoring them, we are encouraging them to be passive while we become aggressive.

The Assertive

Assertiveness is finding the right balance between being passive and being aggressive. It is a two-way communication where we can convey our message and listen to others as well. It encourages an exchange of views so the rights of both parties are exercised and opinions and feelings are expressed appropriately. It means sharing, appreciating others and seeing them as an equal.

It can be a struggle finding the right balance. Our current roles, past experiences, how we view ourselves, the stress we experience and our incorrect assumption that these traits are by nature affect our responses and our communication with others. But if we become self-aware and we open our minds, we will realize how important it is to learn how to be assertive.

How Can Being Assertive Help Our Professional And Personal Lives?

As mentioned earlier, assertiveness can provide significant growth both in our professional and personal lives. Forbes reported [1]that leaders who are assertive are perceived to have higher integrity than those who are not. Also, it is vital for an organization to have a team of assertive individuals that promote cooperation, support, unity, training and developments . This is to successfully establish an effective project management process which is essential for project success.

When it comes to our personal development, assertiveness sure helps a lot. Here are some of them.

Provide Yourself More Value. Assertiveness increases self-confidence and improves self-image. You develop the awareness that you have are not only entitled to your own opinions, but you have the right to express them. Also, you adopt a more realistic view of yourself.

You Learn To Value Others. Rather than seeing other people as a threat, an assertive behavior allows you to see them in a realistic context. You understand the individualities of a person and you see them as collaborators which can help you achieve things.

Gives You An Opportunity To Achieve More. When you convey your message appropriately and clearly, you never have to worry about unresolved issues or not being able to please other people. You can channel your effort and time for more worthy things which can help you unleash your full potential.

Overall, one major benefit of being assertive is that it allows us to h ave a healthy relationship with other people while improving ourselves. It may not be easy, but over time, we can learn to develop this behavior.

So, What Does It Takes To Be Assertive?

Each person has different ways of developing assertiveness in them. For others, it can be pretty easy, while for some it may require them a lot of efforts to be assertive. But here are some tips we can work on to develop our assertiveness.

Know Your Value As A Person

Never allow other people to let you feel less important as them. Don’t allow them to make you feel inferior. Understand that your opinions, thoughts, feelings and your right to express them are as valuable as others.

We have a full control of ourselves. Some people may treat us poorly because they can see us doing that on our own selves. That gives them permission to treat us the way they do. Our confidence, energy and our attitude convey a message to people. These trigger their actions towards us.

If they see us as someone who has high regard of ourselves and someone who knows how to protect our rights and dignity, they will treat us as such as well. So it all starts with ourselves. When we know our value as a person, people will start to see us as their equal.

Identify Your Needs And Wants And Address Them

If you wait for people to address and satisfy your needs, you might wait for forever. Be independent. You need to put yourself in action to satisfy your own needs and wants. Moreover, when you learn to work towards satisfying your needs, you are more likely to reach your true potential and you become self-fulfilled. Thus, you boost your self-confidence and self-esteem.

However, in your desire to achieve your goals, do not forget that there are limitations. Do not be over-fixated with your dreams that you ignore and undermine other people’s rights. They too have to work for their own desires so make sure you don’t sacrifice other people’s needs to achieve yours.

Acknowledge The Fact That You Have No Control Of People’s Response

As the cliché saying goes, “you can’t please everyone”. You are not responsible for other people’s response towards your actions. So stop fretting about upsetting them because of your assertive behavior.

We are only responsible for our actions. We should not concede to their wants and needs for as long as we are not violating their rights and feelings. If they don’t like how we assert our own views and opinions, it is not our responsibility.

Express And Accept Criticisms In An Appropriate Manner

We have an imperfect life and that is why we give criticisms to others and receive criticisms as well. It is important that we should learn how to express negative thoughts to others in a way that we don’t violate their rights. Point mistakes and opinions, but express it in a way that it will be useful for the improvement and development of that certain person.

Likewise, when we receive criticisms, we should not take it personally. It’s okay to be upset or angry for a moment, but we should never lose our respect for the person. Instead, let’s view criticisms as a useful feedback which we can use for our personal or professional growth.

Say “No” When You Feel It’s Not Right For You

We always have to go for what’s right for us. We can’t just go with other people’s demand, especially if it is not aligned with our principles. If we do, we are losing our self-worth. We should always remember that it’s okay not no please everyone for as long as we are not stepping on their rights. But, if there is really a need to do things which are beyond our capabilities, we can learn to find other alternatives to meet halfway and provide a win-win solution.

Learning how to be assertive is not as complicated as we think. It may take some time to master assertiveness, but with constant practice, we can slowly make a transition. So give it a try and who knows, sooner or later, you will enjoy the long-term benefits of being assertive.

Reference

[1]^Forbes: The 6 Secrets Of Successfully Assertive Leaders

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